#made me realise i was aromantic lol

[eggmeralda]

horrendous realisation that the only time someone's ever always seemed to have time for me and properly seemed interested in what I'd say and whom I felt I could text randomly about anything was that guy from work who I went on a few dates with before I realised was aromantic

[ruidus-born-chetney]

I know Cad went out at the first round of the aro showdown but he's the winner in my heart🤲

[aspenlovesmedia]

So I made a post earlier about my thoughts in maybe keeping Tim and Sasha platonic in Shifted Gaze, and thank you to people who have responded to that because it gave me thoughts.

Aromantic allosexual Tim. Hear me out. We never really hear about Tim having a committed romantic relationship. He does clearly care very deeply for people though, especially Sasha. I could go the route of Tim not really realising romantic and sexual attraction are different but if Sasha is also aro she can explain that to him and it clicks and he’s like oh shit that makes sense.

This could then eventually lead to a QPR between Tim and Sasha. It would also kinda be an excuse for me to discuss the fact sexual and romantic attraction is different and the nuances with aromanticism and allosexuality.

This actually kinda ties into things I’ve wanted to do for a while about asexuality and the different kinds. Honestly this is a good way for me to explore aromantic identities because I’ve been thinking for a while I am some where on that spectrum and personally I tend to explore myself through writing (there is a reason I give so many of my characters PTSD lol).

I want to say now I may make this it’s own fic and not do this in Shifted Gaze. There is a lot happening in my au already and depending on how things play out I may not do this? I would love to do a full on deep dive into Tim figuring out he’s aromantic with help from Sasha but I want to do it properly and Shifted Gaze may not be the best place for that? That being said, I still might put it in. I’m going to finish part 1 first, then see if I can put any of this potential plot line into part 2, as I do have a thought on how I can bring this in but it does depend slightly on some things. Basically because aromanticism isn’t discussed a lot in fiction I really want to dive into it and do it well, and while I think I can probably get it into Shifted Gaze, if I feel it will get pushed to the side I’m going to give it its own fic.

Hopefully that makes sense? It is midnight for me right now and I’ve had a busy day so if this isn’t the most coherent post that is why. Sorry if it’s rambly.

[bloggingboutburgers]

Reading your blog, I'm starting to see my relationship with my bf differently (we've been together for over a decade). Like, I've been questioning my romantic orientation for some time, suspecting I might be somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. But I realise I don't really have a clear image of what romance actually is and if it's something I have in my relationship. Like, he's my best friend. But what makes it different that a very close friendship? Apart, you know, the fact we live together and see each other every day. I'm also asexual so we don't really have sex, but for the very rare time I feel like doing something for him, but it's not really something we do, though I know sex and romance are to different things, straight people tend to say that the difference between friendship and dating is sex. I've heard allos saying "if I don't have sex with my s/o, what are we? Friends?" Anyway, I'm just more and more confused by what those criterias are for defining what is and what is not a romantic relationship. Love? I mean, love can have so many forms, how am I to regognise which one I feel? I just care about my bf. I like spending time together. We help each other on a daily basis. And when one of us need alone time we give as much time as the other needs. We do our things each in our corners and meet in the middle when we want company. We're happy this way. And that's great! I just can't comprehend what this all means. Sometimes I'm confused about the feelings I get for other people. Am I attracted to them or do I just want to smother them with my intense friendship? Which is hard. I sometimes feel like I love my friend to hard and I shy away during our interactions for fear to overwhelm them with my love. What's the difference between the two? Between my relationship with my bf and the friendship with those people I have to keep away sometime for fear to be "too much"? I'm sorry for these ramblings. You probably don't have the answers to this, but I needed to tell all this to someone that might understand at least some of it. I love your blog btw.

Sorry I'm replying so late – but thank you so much for all of this input, it's actually so interesting to hear your take on your own experience.

You're right, I don't have the answers, because every experience is very personal and I don't wanna project onto others, but there's a lot of points I actually relate to very much – like, I don't have a clear idea of what romance even is either, I just feel in my gut that it's not what I have with my queerplatonic partner. I guess in my own case I've also always had a bit of trouble with the idea of a "best friend" (like, I HAVE entertained the idea that this or that person might be my "best friend" at some points in my life, but I always end up coming back to the thought that I don't feel OK putting one person above others in my head – I work more in tiers made out of several people at once).

I might also be overthinking things but I often hear in the long-term-relationship discourse that romantic partnerships often wind up turning into friendship over time and that's OK – no idea how that works but it's interesting to think about, and I wonder if there's any truth to that on an aromantic spectrum basis? Like maybe... If both of us are on the aromantic spectrum, then maybe we just didn't get the "romantic high" part because we don't feel romantic attraction or feel it less than most people, and we're straight to that "friendship" part people talk about? ...Either way, what you describe with your bf sounds like a vibe, a healthy vibe to me. Sounds like you guys have it figured out and I wish you the best, honestly.

Also lol it really IS a useful and sobering reminder that to most allo people, the "sex = romance" idea is probably very prevalent still... Makes it even harder to figure ourselves out

Either way sorry for rambling and thank you SO MUCH for sharing your self-reflection, honestly, whatever conclusion you come to I hope life is good for you^^

[rollercoasterwords]

Hey so I just finished reading James’ interlude (it was amazing by the way!) and the u portrayed his aromanticism was so fascinating, def one of my portrayals. I saw u answering an anon and u mentioned (correct me if I’m wrong) that his aromanticism kinda comes from him being the chosen one, and how stuff like gender and sexuality are socially constructed. This is such an interesting concept to me coz I hear that language getting thrown around a lot but I never really understood what it meant.

It kinda reminded me of a convo I had with my transmasc friend. He said that if he had been born a boy he probably would have been transfem. At first I was pretty surprised, but then I thought abt it and realised that despite being a lesbian, if I had been born a boy I probably would have been gay. This revelation really stumped me coz, for context, Income from a conservative religious background, so I’ve always latched onto the idea that being gay is smth innate, or how God made me. But after that revelation,, I was like,,, maybe I can be straight if I try hard enough?? Liking girls is not smth innate within me?? Idk.

Sorry for the rambling lol but reading ur works always gets me thinking deeper abt these kind of topics. Probs has smth to do with u studying gender studies lol.

Anyways love ur work and have a good day <33

yeah i mean. i def think it's a good idea 4 everyone 2 spend time pondering & developing their own understanding of gender; ik mine has changed significantly over the course of my life & likely will continue 2 change as i grow older & learn more, etc.

i think one thing people tend 2 get stuck on is this idea that either ur born w ur identity (whether that's gender, sexuality, etc) baked in & have 2 discover it throughout ur life (bound up in the post-Enlightenment idea of a disembodied 'soul' or 'mind') OR it's all socially constructed, so it's completely made up/shaped by outside forces and we're all just playing pretend, etc. but that's really not what i mean when i say that i think of gender (& sexuality, etc) as socially constructed.

the best metaphor i have rn 4 explaining my own worldview is the idea of an accent. obviously, there is a material component to someone's accent: the shape of their mouth, their teeth--their ears, their hearing, etc. all of these physical & material factors influence how someone's accent might develop. but none of those factors really matter until placed within a social context--depending on where & how ur raised, ur accent will vary wildly, and it won't necessarily remain static throughout the course of your life. you & your family might have different accents; you might use a different accent to speak another language; your physical body might change in some way that affects your accent and the way u speak (stroke, hearing loss, etc). but there's no single, "true" accent inside of you waiting 2 be discovered and spoken. it's a socially constructed part of ur identity that develops throughout ur life, and can only be understood & have meaning attributed to it in a social context. and once u develop an accent, it feels as natural & as much a part of u as something like hair color, etc--it's not something u can just snap ur fingers & change, despite the fact that u weren't "born that way."

obviously, this is a metaphor, and there r many ways gender identity differs from accents--but i find it useful 4 helping illustrate in a tangible way what i'm talking abt when i say something is a "social construction." w james in wfrau specifically, what i was trying 2 say in that ask was not, again, that being "the chosen one" made him aromantic; rather, what i'm hoping 2 convey is that his experience growing up as "the chosen one" has fundamentally shaped his own understanding of his inability to experience/confusion surrounding romantic love (this is also why i avoid concretely labeling him as aromantic in the tags on the fic; it's not necessarily how he understands himself). he attributes this part of his identity to his understanding of himself as a "hero," i.e. someone who is not meant 2 prioritize any one person above The Cause/The Quest, bc his inability to grasp this concept of romantic love & reciprocate it does not align w normative understandings of love & so makes him feel ashamed & isolated & as though there's something "wrong" with him, & attributing this "broken" aspect of himself 2 the fact that he's meant 2 be a "hero" helps him reconcile w this piece of his identity that he otherwise doesn't understand how 2 qualify. again, i'm less concerned w whether there's some inherent "aromanticism" baked into him or whether he'd feel the same/identify the same way in different circumstances; what i'm interested in is looking at how this specific character has been shaped by these specific circumstances. hope that makes sense lol also ty glad ur enjoying the fic!

[igbylicious]

YOUR MIND 👨‍🍳💋👌 I love this update a lot!! The way it kinda has been leading up to this and we all knew it was gonna be wooyoung who pushes first djjaak I love you boo but it tracks XD the readers pov was so well written it just feels like you were expressing some of my own thoughts and feelings that made me go like YES THAT'S THE THING WITH WORDS!! the very unique frustrations of being aro around a world so persistent on prioritising romantic relationships first and foremost ugh you did SO WELL I'm honestly so so proud ahhh I'd print out this chapter and plaster it all over my walls if I could 🖤 also have I mentioned how grateful I am for your san he's SO PRECIOUS!! The way he handles conflict is so soothing bless him. He is truly just the best boy *gives all the head pats to him*. I hope you're feeling better in general and about this chapter, too, because you truly did wonderfully with it. I know it also hits close to home for you and honestly it shouldn't matter if your representation of an aro character isn't relatable to every aro person because it will be to someone and they should feel seen too! So I hope you stop worrying about that even if it feels silly to tell you to stop worrying because that's definitely not how it works, but sometimes hearing it from someone else helps 🖤🖤 thank you for another great chapter and all your hard work!!

lol ofc it had be Wooyoung! he never meant any harm but he just got carried away in the moment ♡ asdjkasdjk San deserves ALL the head pats after that! he was STRESSED!!! like what’s he supposed to do if Woo and reader had a falling out?? ;;

gOD i feel you on the prioritisation! T_T to get personal for just a minute, i already knew abt aromanticism for a while before, youknow, it clicked for me; and i had that ‘click’ moment when i realised that no, i don’t want to be in a romantic relationship, i’m just scared of being left behind alone as i grow older, and my friends’ attention shifts to other things.

a romantic relationship often felt like the only way to guarantee that i’d stay important in the life of at least one person that i also care abt, bc it is treated as such a normal thing that friendships fade when ppl get into romantic relationships, move in together, get kids, that whole deal — all things that i don’t want ^^;; (i do feel more secure with some of the friends i have now, but obv whichever way is a huge wish-fulfillment thing heh!)

asdkjadskj ok now i got all that out; i am so happy the story is connecting with you! even if it is for reasons i wish we didn’t have to deal with lol!!! and it does help to hear ♡ an external reminder is good every now and then, and i needed one (≧◡≦) ♡

like there is such wide spectrum of experiences, needs and wants within the aromantic community, and i really shouldn’t even be trying to encapsulate all of that in one story, one character. some aros are good with being in romantic relationships, others don’t want to be in a QPR; i literally can’t represent us all here lol ^^;;

really, thankyou for the reminder ( ´ ▿ ` )♡

[cyandreamz]

♡ Kasane Teto drawings and HC's ♡

(close up pics and more detail on hc's under cut)

Today I felt like drawing Kasane Teto (and a bunch of other drawings that I'm yet to colour in) and write down some of my hc's for Teto because I've been a Teto fan for a decade now so I've made many hc's for her (though a big chunk of them have changed as I've changed a lot myself of course). I enjoyed drawing these and even though they're messy I think they all look pretty nice :-). Only thing I think that doesn't look super good is my attempt at writting her name in Japanese, especially the kanji, I'm so bad at writing it!

Now to go into great detail on my hc's. First I hc Teto as 31, not because I care about canon, I don't (though it being her canon age is what inspired me to keep her 31 in my hc), but because I think it's a fun concept for Teto to be older than most vocal synths (who I hc most of them as being late teens to late 20s) and therefore be very tired/jaded, becoming more so as she exists for longer and longer. Also in my hc all vocal synths are androids with very advanced intelligence (so advanced many people don't consider it A.I) but, primarily live on an an artificial island build just outside of Japan due to many humans not wanting them to live among them (yep android discrimination). They can leave the island for doing concerts if their popular enough, however most aren't popular enough to do overseas concerts and therefore live typically very ordinary lives on the island.

I also hc Teto as a triple a (agender, asexual and aromantic) because I feel like he just wouldn't care for anything but singing, performing and bread. I also feel like Teto would specifically be sex and romance repulsed and will glare at you if you do PDA. As mentioned above, I see Teto as having a hot headed personally but I think she is also deeply decided to being a good singer and performer, leading to her being the most popular android that's not a vocaloid (which in this world, a vocaloid would probably be androids funded at least partly by a very big company leading to them typically being higher quality than other brands of android, or something like that, idk I haven't thought too deeply about the world building for my vocal synth hc's XD).

I also hc Teto being best friends with Uta (Defoko) and Momo because they're also utau and were made before her (and therefore helped Teto adjust to life), best friends with Gumi because even though she's a vocaloid, she's had a lot of similar experiences to Teto so they bonded over those similar experiences. As for why Teto hates Ted, well he's always been an asshole in my hc's so a lot of vocal synths hate him lol, but luckily Ted is the only person Teto hates. As for other relationships of note, I see her and Ritsu as frenemies/rivals who get along with each other, even if they only talk to each other in taunts and backhanded compliments XD. Miku is an acquaintance and both seem to respect each other but Teto used to have a one-sided rivalry with Miku (Miku was not aware of this) before realising how silly it is to declare a teenage android her rival.

and one more hc I want to share is that Teto owns a pretty nice house on the island, and shares it with Uta, Momo, Ruko, Rook and Ritsu. Of course I have many more hc's but this post is already very wordy so if you want to learn a new hc or more details on hc's I've already shared feel free to comment on this post or ask me! Hope you all enjoyed this post ✧⁠◝⁠(⁠⁰⁠▿⁠⁰⁠)⁠◜⁠✧

[endless-shelter]

Gotta celebrate today's first international aromantic visibility day with the two aro-ace besties on varying bits of the spectrum that made me realise I was aro-ace as well!!

And with these two I carry a reminder that a relationship of any sort is dictated by the people within it! Happy pride month!!

(Abe -> @hunting-at-least-69-witches, + flagless edit below LOL)

[aroaceconfessions]

Hi, just wanted to share my little situation lol

I discovered that I'm asexual, maybe aromantic couple of months ago even though looking back I always kinda knew. I am very comfortable with those labels, but as a 23 year old virgin with little to no sexual experience I still sometimes wonder If maybe I just didn't meet the right person or I'm just shy, even though I'm really not lol

Cut to me meeting this guy on a New Years Eve party. He's cute, charming and definitely into me. I flirt with him a little and after the party he keeps texting me and asking me out for a date. Past me would think I'm lucky and I should definitely give him a chance. But now I just don't feel the need, even though I find him atractive in some way. I'm just not intrested in romance, or friends with benefits kind of situation. And that realisation made me so happy, and so comfortable with my sexuality! I dunno, the situation isn't something life changing, but turning someone down knowing I'm asexual is uncomfortable in some way, but also so freeing in others! And I just wanted to share that comfort I feel rn <3

[fantomette22]

Heyy, how/when you realised you were aro and ace? It is always interesting for me to listen to how people found themselves. (I still haven't xD)

Alright it's time !

Ok so I actually got lot to say and could talk about that subject for hours lol but the more I thought about it the more I have to say and the more some specifics things exhaust me and remind me of not really great stuff so let's keep it simple ! (+ there's a few personal stuff I don't wanna discuss publicly

Process to do a whole explanation on aromantism and asexuality in the first part...

First should i explain simply what is asexuality and aromantism are 🤔 ? I can understand it can be a bit complex for people who don't know what it is. Even I got confused at times XD

I will try to explain really simply here and I'm not the best at explaining stuff. So for more info there's the Aven website for exemple and there's many other cool sources online 👍

So to put it really really simply someone asexual is someone who don't feel or experience sexual attraction ((like most people.)) (Most of the time it don't ever happened at all but it can be extremely rare (gray ace) or it happened only get it if you're really close to someone (Demi ace).

The way I personally saw it is that I'm not going to go somewhere and want to hook up with the first nice/pretty person I meet in a bar and is interest in me or smt for exemple XD. (I know it's really cliché sorry, glad to know not everyone actually do that too lol but you get the idea. It happened to some people and it's ok I hope they have lots of fun everyone ! 👍 Really when I was a kid it got me super confused to see that in movies and still today I'm like ?????? ok sure ??? have fun ??? like theoricaly I know it work but I can't experience it .I can't relate, that would be just forcing myself do something I don't wanna do.)

Asexual can still experience romantic attraction and want to do normal dating stuff too. Like it's just there's not that super interest in the other thing you know XD they're not after you're booty (I can't believe I'm writing this)

And aromantic is really similar, it's when someone who don't experience romantic attraction ((like most people)). Or some do experience it really rarely or after a really close bond with smn. Still they can experience sexual attraction.

Personally I found hard to understand why people would date smn when they don't know each other very well? And then learn to really know each other when they date? That's completely ok but I really can't imagine myself with someone who's not a close friend of mine that & I knew for a while at the very least. Like what if you find out they're not a good person or an absolute idiot or you realize your life projects are incompatibles?? That's too scary for me💀

Like I understand how that work theorically but if a friend tell me they had a crush on smn we saw like just a few times I would bet so confuse.

Then aroace is well both things XD

Disclaimer : yes an aromantic person can still enjoy/want to date someone and an asexual person can still have/want and enjoy being intimate with someone. Some on the contrary are completely revulsed by it that and will never want to do that. And for some it depends. It's kinda a spectrum and depends what the person is comfortable with and might depends a bit of the other partner too. + people grow and a few things might fluctuate or not.

It's all about feeling ATTRACTION. Like for exemple a hetero girl (normally) is not going to be attracted to like another girl. And a gay man will be well attracted to men. What people don't always equal what they're attract too.

Still you know you can have aesthetic attention and stuff like that. Like : oh that person look pretty or pleasing to look at #stantardbeauty stuff made by society. But I don't find them hot💀 dafuq does that even mean XD (now I think I might get it. I'm unsure lol) More likely that I would very much prefer to be friends with smn really out of the standard look for exemple.

I won't see a person (ok more a picture or smt) with less clothes on for exemple and be like "oh" 😳. Like that's just a person WHAT DO YOU MEAN ???????

The closet I get too is : oh this characters (maybe work for people too) look super cool ! 👀🥺idk how to explain they look so cool and nice and pretty. Hm

+omg teenager (pre teens especially) talking about s3x all the time omg 💀 why?! Like it annoyed me so much I just wanted to talk about manga, books, movies and video games XD when it's serious convo it's cool but I didn't get it and those dumb jokes 😂 (some ace do many jokes too depends of the person). I really didn't like the subject at all (especially in not fiction) but now I'm way more ok with it in fiction now 👍 and with it in general I I think? (the jokes I mean)

I know my ideas of romance and all (in fiction hm) is the most vanilla and fluff things ever too (ok I imagined angst in my head smt) XD but I also need moments to compensate you know ^^' ?

OK now that the presentation is done. let's answer to the main question XD. I hope I explain correctly ahaha 😅 (I can't even do that easily in real life...)

Well, I think I kinda knew something was up when I was a pre teenager but I didn't knew the right terms at the time. I didn't knew/understood that most people were well allo sexual/romantic (who experience romantic and sexual attraction easly👍 the opposite of ace and aro)

So I fully realized I was ace then aro (some times after) and came across the terms in hm 2017 if I remember correctly ? Or wait maybe in 2018? (thank you teenager crisis and depressed state I can't remember this period well !) So when I was 16+ after my first year of high school. (But like first and last time I had a boyfriend I was like 10 years old lmao. I liked him but I was happy because everyone was happy you. Almost got with a friend at 12 but didn't work out. )

So hm high school happen and some of my friends and I got new cool friends and we become a super group of friends ! (only like a fw couples formed and it's cute <3 and I thought I had a crush and 1 if not 2 of my new friends 💀 that was a platonic crush Fantomette you didn't wanted do to anything with them pat pat

Then months later I come across the sacred word ! 🙏 : asexual

"Oh wait that's me" -big aro and ace moment (and much later aromantic)

Still figuring things out today because it's quite complex but yeah 100% sure I'm on the acespec spectrum. And well I don't really experience this types of attraction for what I'm aware of. But who knows it is possible I found someone I feel comfortable and close enough with to be in a relationship (even a queer platonic relation ship hehe) but well I don't wanna bet on thet so who knows.

I think I have friends on the spectrum (irl) too but sadly we didn't really talked about it that much.. only with a few non close friend from high school and we kinda loose touch. But I'm happy I know more people who well understand. My friends we really acceptant but some didn't all really fully understand and I can understand that but somedays were not fun XD but well they're great friends (+ with well a few people who are themself queer or really understanding of that it help. But it's nothing compared to the dumbasses who were really not nice (the worst if that some saying the most mean thing were even lgbt+ themself 😭and I could say nothing like I couldn't just came out to them not a good idea I hate most of my classmates from 2020-2022 sorry guys &lt;;/3 and I can't really blame my relatives who didn't understand well, they might try their but it's complicated

+ I can count the people who show interest in me (that I'm aware of) since high school on my fingers. Like some days I really wanna have a soulsmate or smt (or maybe someone I will be close to but at our rhythm) because yes having someone to share your life with can be cool and sounds nice? but the second someone (I don't know well) show interest in me I'm like :

NO THANK YOU I'M NOT INTEREST HELP WHAT DO I DO

Somedays I think meh maybe I could try ??? but idk.

So well if that happened that happened cool ! if that don't happened that don't happened ! I just wish people just weren't annoying about it. The "have you a boyfriend ?" question traumatized me I think XD I mean it's not like the first question I would ask smn, but when it's been a while you saw a friend or relatives or are knowing someone slowly it can be important to know if they share they're life with smn, normal. So in normal circumstance I wouldn't mind but hm... the commentaries after 🙄, when I answer "no" sometimes it's gold ! Like don't ask me why ! bruh do I ask why you don't have/have a boyfriend/girlfriend or why you're married or why you have children???? or how don't worry you will find the right one later ! LIKE please don't. I understood super late it's actually reassuring for allo but it's not for me 😅 Like I wish too smt lol but there's lot of chance it don't happened too so pls. Can people just say it's ok if that don't happened more ;-; that you can be happy and accomplish great things on while living on your own (or not the usual family definition) and it's ok ?

Sorry for the rant just don't do that to people whatever their orientation are you don't know know what they have going on in life. Just a "ok" and move on. Or I guess you could ask more but only if the person wanna talk about it you know. So yeah when someone ask me the question (more when it's relatives I know well) it really really annoy me all the time. But well I was lucky it could been worse. Still not cool but I wish everyone didn't had go through more awful things.

(Also strangely maybe I dodge huge bullets because I just wasn't interest to the first person who came so... fair enough. And damn how do you know smn crush on you or smn else ?? I am so bad to saw that thing XD)

Ok that was long I ramble a bit XD I just needed to express myself x) I will stop here.

I have a lot on the heart and not lying some days it's hard I wish it was simpler but I don't see how I could be happy otherwise. (SO goal n°1 in my life : finish study, have a job, a house & adopt cats or smt. Optional goal : maybe found a fellow person to hang hung with me ! Or at least cool friends x)

And I'm so happy to knew otherace and aro and aroace persons online 🥺❤️ and really supportive person in general.

So yes I'm glad I learned about this and hope I can help people to learn a bit about it as well. It's really important for many. And I wish there were more stuff about it. It's complicated to understand what you cannot fully understand and ever experiment but it's important to just be kind and open and to accepted.

So love you everyone bye bye~

[saltynsassy31]

💓❣️💀 and if you want 💘 :3

I'm gonna stick to Skipper, Cherry, Orca and Zefron since they're the only ones I have planned out XD (I might add other ocs if I remember something about them)

💓

Skipper: He would try to hide it and be dismissive about it whenever it is brought up, he starts to distance himself from the person he's gotten feelings for, acting more awkward because he doesn't know how to deal with love, especially since he's never gotten the chance to.... I mean, he has, but he lost that person before he could fully realise he had feelings for them, which is why he makes himself be so dismissive of the feelings, he associates the feeling of love with tragedy. So if he starts being angrier or dismissive of you, slowly parting ways (he isn't downright cruel or bullies you, ew, just starts being more distance, it will seem he hates you though 💀💀), but on the flip side, he'll try to make you happy in other ways to compensate his lack of presence, you won't know that it's him, but small gifts and keeping bad luck from reaching you from the background, if you feel "very lucky today" and you know him, it might be him.

Cherry: she's usually flirty and seductive as default, the moment she starts treating you kinder and more soft romantic rather and sexy romantic (like buying flowers and gifts, remembering things you've told her, etc.), yeah, she head over heals for you, she'll still act flirty and teasing, that's just how she is, but add to it, ya know?

If she stops acting flirty with you all together besides a few jokes though, she sees you as family/a friend (which is the case for Skipper, who she sees as a little brother)

Orca: he becomes a tsundere, I don't think there is any other way to put it lmao

Zefron: I'm pretty sure he might be aromamtic, cuz I can't imagine him catching feelings XD despite me being a hopeless romantic and making pairings for all, I just imagine him with Orca forever but in a platonic bromance way (I say this as an aromantic person who struggles understating romance lol)

❣

Skipper: acts of service, protecting you like a fucking guard dog istg-

Cherry: words of affirmation, physical affection

Orca: acts of service

Zefron: gift giving

💘

I'm gonna be only talking bout Skipper and Orca here since they're the only ones who have partners lol (Cherry is still....debatable, my sister ships her with N-pacer, but I haven't made it canon yet)

Skipper: He thinks Emperor is too good for him, he's simply amazing but also he's really stupid, which is strangely endearing, he first found him arrogant and a rich, privileged prick

But as he got to know him, he found his determination to be a better leader admirable and he finds little things he does like be super curious and excited sbout minute (to him at least) things such as cooking and such.

In other words, he finds his curiosity and determination to be admirable and he loves that about him, makes him almost want to be better himself

Orca: Now, I haven't thought a lot about him and Ocho, I'll be honest, it's only been him and Zefron in my mind (I almost wanna pair them together as a queen platonic relationship istg, Orca isn't aromantic tho)

So I'll be talking about the two fir both scenarios

He finds Ocho annoying, really annoying, but at the same time he, begrudgingly, finds it cute when he tries to be all tough, he also likes how strong Ocho is, being a trained soldier himself plus a grizzco worker, he finds that to be a good quality in someone

And Zefron....yeah, Orca is a moronsexual I'll just say that, he likes em dumb sometime XD everytime Zefron does something stupid he's like "fuck yes, but also don't eat that-"

[greyzoneeeeee]

Attractions?

As a teen I assumed I had crushes. There were definitely guys that I thought looked good and were nice, this was in the early friendship stage. I found once they had become a friend and I knew them well, those initial "crush" feelings disappeared. Once I learned more terminology in later years I just assumed they were "squishes".

Romantic attraction took me a while to figure out, especially because these initial feelings disappeared when people became solid friends. I read something along the lines of "If you're wondering what romantic attraction feel like, that's your answer", so at the end of the day I chalked myself up to being "Aromantic".

Haven't found that to have changed so I think it's still applicable. If anything I resonate with it more now. I'm more drained than I used to be so any sort of "squish" is few and far between lol.

I think it's easy to be confused for a long time when you love the romantic comedy genre. I will RELISH in romcom fiction. Spent a decade immersed in shojo anime and manga, kdramas, jdramas, tv/movies/books. I still consume all this. It's exciting, makes me happy, I get so absorbed in their worlds, I will fantasise being in it. But with people in reality, those romantic feelings are just not there.

My eyes really opened a couple of years ago when I discovered the Lesbian MasterDoc and learnt about Compulsory Heterosexuality. Quite a significant portion of that read really resonated with me. I don't think I have any Lesbian-leaning feelings, but I realised very quickly how legitimate compulsory heterosexuality was.

This lead to a new set of hurdles though. Had I had all these squishes on guys(at the time, but their genders aren't all cis men now) because that's what I was "attracted" to? Or was that compulsory heterosexuality?

The first good half of my kpop journey was definitely focused on boy groups. I did listen to girl groups too, but the ratio definitely favoured the guys. I also had a guaranteed bias in the male groups I listened to, whilst I didn't give that same energy to girls. This also applied to outside of Kpop. I definitely had favourite band members or actors and they were guys. At some point close to, but before discovering CompHet, I started liking girl groups more. I didn't necessarily have more biases, but my eyes were far more drawn to the girl groups visuals than the guy groups. At the time I thought that was purely aesthetic and was being influenced by being so immersed in Kpop where fashion is a big component of it.

Through more learning I realised I could feel aesthetic attraction VERY strongly. Sometimes I thought this meant I liked the person more than a friend, or that it meant I might be bi-romantic or homo-romantic. Sometimes I'm still not sure, especially now that in the last year or two I really gravitate towards women more. But any feelings still don't really exist beyond becoming friends. Then I'm also aware that I feel more comfortable doing any sort of physical exploring with a woman than a man, but then there's still something about a man(but maybe that's the CompHet speaking and anyone masc-presenting could be appealing lol).

At the same time as the aesthetic attraction to women grew, the general disdain for men also grew. It's definitely not all men. The men I know are good, but any sour encounter I've ever had and any time I've felt an uncertain/vigilant/unsafe energy from a stranger, it has been cause of a man. So has that unsafe feeling redirected me towards women?

Once I really looked into aesthetic attraction it made me look back on people while growing up. Were those characters in the tv show I liked my favourite JUST because I thought they were cool? Or was this the early version of feeling attraction as an ace kid. Was I just mesmerised because I liked the characters or were they the ace kid aesthetic attraction version of "An awakening" haha.

Currently I'm sitting with "Aromantic with strong aesthetic attraction". It's just that sometimes it's really strong, to the point where I wonder if it's an actual relationship-type attraction. Is this person just amazing to look at or would I be open to physically exploring if they asked me?

Another thing is that all the grief I've gone through over the years has left me...feeling like the outer husk of a human. I do feel lonely but it's not an intimacy lonely. It's a loneliness for losing the past where things were easier and where I was happy and hopeful and less stressed and unbothered by most things.

Sometimes I want "a person", sometimes I'm curious and wonder what physical interactions I'd be okay with if I trusted and felt safe with the person.

Keeping in mind I hate being touched. But sometimes I don't mind reciprocating a hello/goodbye hug, but then sometimes I don't want a person touching me at all(whether there's a reason for that particular person or not), but then there are people where I don't mind touch. Like if our hands brush when walking, or our shoulders touch when we both look at a phone etc. Casual touches like that are sometimes okay. Sometimes once I'm touched, even accidentally, I need that person to move away and stay in my line of sight until my flinching at movement settles down.

Went on a bit of a tangent there :P

[oraclekleo]

I love how solid you are on your opinion that he's an uninterested guy, (which btw, same as other readers which is insane! He's hard to read for because he won't give info or is extremely mysterious LOL but this anti-love energy must be so potent in his energy because this is the most consistent thing people pick up from him 😂 his unwavering opinion on dating and lack of interest in love, which sounds extremely independent, hesitant or perhaps pain from the past?) I am the same as you both tbh LOL.. it's just... he's incredibly hot and looks like a ladies man (rude stereotype I know 🙄). I don't think I've seen this level of lack of interest from a celeb? Do you think he's aromantic/asexual? That's what I'm leaning towards or perhaps he's just bored of everything? 🤣 In your last reading you said he may be diligently or "carefully" pursuing someone (at the end and that he needs everything to impress them)? On what grounds does he do something like this? Just for flings? It sounds like he met his person to me, like you said in his ideal type? If I'm not mistaken? You said he needs everything possible to impress this partner and that he's not gonna know what hit him when he meets her (you added the frowning picture at the end and made fun of him haha 😂) Idk he's contradictory 💀 but he's sexy and mysterious af so we good ❤️🥰🙄 Wbu what's the reason you're uninterested, the same as him? He always crossed me as someone who's gonna end up settling down anyway or is lowkey hoping his "one" person who's gonna completely change his mind is out there. If he does settle it's probably pressure and image purposes etc However, in my case, I am just extremely not even into the idea, I think I am and then I step out into the world and realise how comfortable and solid I am in my own presence. Freedom is most important to me and I don't think the social "norm" of relationships should stress people out. I don't very much like being owned and I haven't met someone with my mindset. Every man I meet always ends up obsessed or wanting to control/own me because I think my energy screams out that you can't have me. Not in a cocky way but I just don't have interest, I'm baffled my female family members are about that life, maybe I'm a generational chain/karma breaker lol. I'm okay like this but no one believes it 😂 it's nice to be with me and it took me a long time to come to self-love and self-actualisation, it was uncomfortable but now that I'm here, I'm so in love with life and will be damned to go back!! I think this is LSH vibe except he's a little pessimistic, I generally think he's someone who's experienced a very extreme face of love? Like obsessions and people manipulating him etc or wanting to own him completely and he looks to me he has never had a normal relationship, so I think he avoids it because it shakes his world up. Hmm idk but I think energy pulls certain energy, it's similar to empathy's pulling narcissists. That way people who aspire to be free or crave freedom meet people with anxious attachment styles and wanting to control them. I swear I could meet the most laid back dude and he ends up getting territorial idk maybe I'm just extreme but I get suffocated super easily and I realised the traditional or "social structure" and expectancy of love, marriage and kids... is just not me. I may be open to seeing things from another light if I see or meet something/someone that can change my mind or I miraculously change my own mind. They should've gotten me before I reached self-acceptance and personal fulfilment, and now I really don't want it. So when I see energy like this I get intrigued haha 😂 especially from a celeb, I think that's why he has so many singles in love with him! I love it and I'm here for it. Sorry for this, I just like your take on things and I like talking to you. Why are you like this? A little bit like me and LSH or is there something else? Thanks and love you lots 😋🥰❤️

Hello!

Woo! That's a long ask. 😂

I'm gonna take it shorter if I may.

As for Lee Soo Hyuk, intuitively I don’t get the impression of him being aromantic or asexual. He might either have an unfortunate history when it comes to relationships or maybe he’s simply not completely ready to commit himself. Every person has their own tempo of growth when it comes to their mental and spiritual and emotional state and these can actually progress at different speeds. If one of the aspects is not quite there for a relationship, he might not want to bother with it. He might be mentally ready to pursue his career now. It’s possible this brings him the biggest satisfaction. Human beings are complex. Maybe he’s waiting for the right person to come in his way. I know I have described them roughly in the ideal partner reading but the fact is that Lee Soo Hyuk and this person might never meet in real life. Or they can meet but one of them or both are not ready for the meeting at the time and they simply pass each other. The reading described the scenario when both are prepared for the commitment. And having high standards is not bad. Honestly, I wish more people actually had higher standards these days. I also think that if Lee Soo Hyuk ever meets his special person, he might feel like he needs to impress them, not because the person would demand it but he himself might feel like he won’t deserve them unless he puts the effort in. It's a well known fact that some people are their own worst and most strict critics and I feel Lee Soo Hyuk might be that kind of a person. Demanding when it comes to others but even harder on himself.

As for me… I don’t think I’m like Lee Soo Hyuk. I mean, I’m not interested in romantic relationships but I have different reasons for it. I don’t have a bad experience with love, I have no experience with it. And it’s mostly because I never felt the urge to actually love a person or to be loved by someone. To many people it just sounds straight up sad but for me… You can’t really miss something you never had. I’m actually a pretty positive person myself, happy most of the time, cheerful, I have a good sense of humour and I have courage and a certain life drive. I don’t miss being loved. Sometimes my brain comes and tells me that something is wrong with me when I don’t feel attracted to other human beings, men or women. I think I do realise I’m not completely normal but on the other hand the fact that I’m not normal isn’t affecting me negatively. I have a friend who is a perfectionist and they are really good at what they do, competent, smart, funny, knowledgeable, and have travelled a good portion of the globe. They are single simply because they have high demands but they do crave love - to love and to be loved. And they do want to have children. And the fact they couldn’t find the one person for themselves is hurting them. In my case… I’m just really happy on my own. I never wanted to have children, I never wanted to get married. Even as a little girl I didn’t play to be a mom. The part of the brain that’s responsible for wife and mom instincts is missing in my brain. Or it’s simply assigned to something else. I don’t consider myself aromantic because I like to read romantic stories now and then. I don’t consider myself asexual because I like to read some sexy parts in books as well and you know I’m interested in these things in theory because of all those kinky readings. Maybe, and it’s a huge maybe, the internal spark of my lust could be blown into flames of passion if I met the right person. However, there are like 8 billion people in this world. I don’t really hope for it to actually happen and I’m not sad about the fact it won’t happen. It could be exciting and fun to meet such a person, I could test and turn into reality all those fantasies and ideas I have but… It’s not a condition for me to be happy in life. It would also be fun and exciting to get rid of my fear of heights so I could try to bungee jump from a waterfall in South America but that’s also not gonna happen and I’m not going to be sad about it. I hope I’m making sense here. 😁

In short - Lee Soo Hyuk has a potential to fall in love for real but if he won’t I think he’s not going to suffer greatly over it. I have close to zero potential to fall in love and I’m definitely not going to suffer over it. 😂

My intention to be short was clearly false. Sorry about that. 🤣

Also! Feel free to talk to me anytime. As you see, I get a bit wordy from time to time.

Kleo

[reinekes-fox]

Bug report for Birds of a Rose:

I played as an aromantic trans female, somehow got enough crush points with Astoria to trigger a "omg I have feelings but I never thought about girls before what does this mean" choice. Problem is the second choice (the one with Vulture speaking in our head) assumes my character likes guys instead of being aro.

Another bug is my character rejected Droznik, didn't get in a relationship with anyone else (other than a after-Droznik-runs-off-brokenhearted scene where Astoria says some possessive things, I just think she's neat and want to know more about her) and went to the party, I can hang out with Elrond despite not being in the same volery. And all the dialogue and descriptions when picking him assume my character is also a Holy Songbird, but I picked Dove at the beginning.

Also, I'm really interested to see where future plot goes - replayed with a bunch with different gender and volery choices, especially want to know the inner side of the cult, our past, and what is going on with our Dove friend.

Thanks a lot for this!

(This made me realise that this scene doesnt even get triggered with Astoria but only Fuchsia... I could have sworn I had coded in Asti as well, but she has been added lol)

Elrond, always where he shouldnt be! Especially with someone who seems like a girl, what a rascal. But yeah thats what I get for not writing "fellow songbird" and wanting to include their actual names.

Have been fixed (hopefully, the re-choice of the sexual orientation is one of the banes of my existance), now I am working through the other bug report and will update after that!

[redheadbigshoes]

one thing i realised is that in my journey to figuring out im gay is thinking i was aromantic and asexual before hand. this is NOT a bash at aro and/or ace people, nor am i saying that being aro and/or ace isnt real, but for me, because everything in life (with regards to female bodied people) is centred around engagement with men, my not feeling what every other girl i knew felt growing up made me think i didnt feel any romantic or sexual attraction at all. i remember distinctly one time in middle school where literally every singe girl in one of my classes were all apparently in love with an assistant teacher and i just... didnt get it? they would giggle and squeal when he walked past and i just didnt. in finding the lgbtq community, i was like "oh i guess im aroace then" cos given my interactions with men up until then, made sense only for me to consider women, and that was that. granted i do sometimes fall back into thinking im aroace whenever comphet hits me, but i know im a lesbian. poor confused baby gay me back in the day lol (you'll get there, girl. i promise)

but yeah just wanted to share that experience i had in realising my sexuality

You know that not only you but also me and I’ve seen other lesbians say that before they figured they were lesbian they also thought they were aro/ace. In my case back then I didn’t know about those labels and what they meant, but I did think I was different to the point I didn’t like anyone. So I definitely relate to your experiences because I felt the same, since I didn’t get what other girls were feeling and talking about when it came to boys I thought maybe I didn’t feel any romantic and sexual attraction at all.

About your story with the assistant teacher this hits too close to home because I remember very much we had a teacher all girls had a thing for, and I’d look at him and think “why are they so obsessed with this man?”.

I’m very sure (also considering because I did experience that as well) you’re not the only one who has gone through that. Thank you for sharing your experience!

[botherkupo]

So I am also LDS and I think I am asexual. I don't know if I am aromantic or not, but I was hoping you would have some advice. Thank you so much! I am female btw.

Hey anon, I’m happy to talk about this with you, but I’m not really sure what advice you’re looking for. Being asexual in general is complicated because people experience it in different ways. Some people still enjoy and are willing to be physically intimate with a partner, despite not feeling physical attraction. Others (like myself) find it unappealing and uncomfortable

So if you’re someone who wants to be in a relationship, you have to decide what you’re willing to handle and where your boundaries are. Dating someone who won’t be pushy or is at least understanding is crucial

If you’re still figuring out your feelings and where you sit on the ace/aro spectrum (which it sounds like you are), honestly just don’t stress about it. Sexuality can be pretty fluid and confusing sometimes, especially when you’re ace or aro

I’ve dated a few times, and it was actually doing this that made me realise I’m aroace lol. I’ve had my bitter moments, moments where I felt “broken”, and also ongoing frustration with ppl who keep trying to set me up with guys hfhgh. But I am much more comfortable in my sexuality now and can feel more comfortable where I fit within the church as well

Like I don’t feel the desire to be in a romantic relationship, but I would be fine with a platonic-founded relationship that is basically like one (marriage included) — except with clear respect for my boundaries. Not everyone feels the same way, of course, and I think that’s fine. We all have different journeys and experiences; that’s just part of life

(Feel free to DM me if you want to talk more)