#made me happy i've had a bad day | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

incorrectone-piece · 3 months ago

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there is no better feeling in the world than someone discovering my blog for the first time and me waking up to over 100 notifs from one person.

Thanks one person.

#love ya'll #it keeps happening #and it keeps making me incrediby happy #not one piece #arria talks #hehe #made me happy i've had a bad day #thank you

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rileys-battlecats · 1 month ago

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was trying to figure out why I feel so Wrong rn and I think it's because I didn't follow my usual daily routine like At All and now my brain is freaking out. woke up at a vastly different time, had entirely different tasks throughout the day, took a nap at a weird time (to make up for the fact I had about 3 hours of sleep last night), zero human contact for the past 15 hours, and ate different food from usual (various leftovers from social events/thanksgiving, instead of cooking for myself like normal). and before I really realized that these were all things that were Bad For My Brain I was just wandering around my house like "why do I feel like garbage?? I've literally been outside so much today my brain should be happy"

ANYWAY here's to me not remembering I have issues with unstructured living because my days have been so similar for the past 4ish years that I straight up Forgot that things being too different too fast makes me crazy ✌️

#rye.txt #I'll be fine lol #the sudden shift in my daily schedule and my generally unhealthy eating today were the big things that made me feel Bad #so now that I am actually cognizant of this I can take steps to mitigate it tomorrow #god. what the hell did I even eat #leftover soup. that was breakfast (very out of my ordinary). uhh. a lot of pie (grandma made a ton for thanksgiving).#a tangerine that miiight have been on the edge of going bad #(thought I should eat a fruit. fruit did not improve status)#reheated popcorn chicken? that was not a good decision I felt so gross after eating that #hrm. ok my issue is that I feel like I Need To Eat These Leftovers So They Don't Go Bad #otherwise i'll be Wasting Perfectly Good Food #BUT. I don't want to eat it and eating it makes me feel generally unfulfilled and kinda blehg #ough. why can't I be normallllll #I'm also not dealing with the whole 'zero human contact' very well tbh. which is weird because I'm a deeply introverted person #and usually spend my days avoiding people like the plague #but idk. it's been literal years since I've spent and extended period of time completely alone #I don't knowwww i don't know #I'm gonna invite some friends over tomorrow and get them to help me eat these dang pies #ALSO. ITS BEEN REALLY COLD TODAY. AND I HAD TO BREAK INTO MY NEIGHBORS' HOUSE #(was not breaking in; I was trying to take care of their dogs since they're out of town)#(but their door code AND their garage door code weren't working #and I didn't have a physical key to use #so I had to push my way in through a back door that'd been blocked by a pile of boxes taller than my head #and squirm into their garage in order to get inside and take care of the dogs)#(was a very stressful way to spend my early waking hours)#i ALSO had to drive to the AIRPORT this morning which SUCKED. had to drop off family #which like I'm happy to help but also airports suck so much ass I hate them #anyway. today was sort of shitty #but mostly I only have myself to blame #did not structure my day well enough

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the-busy-ghost · 4 months ago

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Me normally: Let people love what they love

Me, after a Test Match Special commentator expresses their belief that the new All Creatures Great and Small is somehow "better" than the 1978 version: This is pure insanity and TMS can no longer be trusted on anything, how can they even be trusted to know about cricket, do they have no TASTE

#Look it's fine that this show exists and people will watch it and like it and that's ok maybe it's just not for me #But that was like a statement purely designed to piss me off #There were lots of issues with the 1978 adaptation! I still vastly preferred the books any day!#And I actually initially had high hopes for the new one because they at least cast a Scot (albeit a Highlander not a Clydesider) as James #And the actors at least looked a little bit younger than Christopher Timothy and Robert Hardy #And thank god Helen actually sounds like she's a farmer's daughter and doesn't speak RP!#But from the half hour I've seen of it I've had to write off this new adaptation #For two major reasons #First of all there's Siegfried #Siegfried is one of the key central aspects of the vibe of the books and therefore key to any adaptation #Robert Hardy was too short and too old for the part but he lived and breathed the character #The twinkle in the eye bouncing off the walls and in and out of rooms followed by half a dozen dogs utterly full of life even when angry #But this new Siegfried is just sort of... Eeyore-esque; he comes into a room and you can see the flowers droop and the set turn grey #Siegfried was angry Siegfried was happy and the historical character he was based on was no stranger to melancholy #Since Donald Sinclair did commit suicide or rather self-euthanasia after Alf Wight and his own wife Audrey died #But this slow grumbly figure in the new adaptation is not Siegfried Farnon- the book character didn't grumble more often he exploded #And why did the adaptation give him a dead wife that's so weird? What could that possibly add to the source material?#And this brings me onto my second problem which is to do with women and age #Firstly I have no idea why they aged down Mrs Hall or at least made her look younger than a woman her age would have back then #But what really drove me mad was when Heriot goes out to see some old woman hill farmer in the episode I saw #And this woman is far too clean and young-looking and you can see that she's wearing 'natural' look make-up #And a perfect set of clothes that looked like they were straight out of the House of Bruar autumn collection catalogue #Say what you like about the 1978 adaptation but old women looked like old women regardless of whether or not they wore make-up #It may be that the better quality of television screens means that the 'natural look' shows up on screen more clearly than it would have #But natural look make-up was not really a thing in the 1930s and for old women Yorkshire hill farmers I doubt they'd have much on at all #They just don't seem to be capable of allowing people to look old and wrinkled and real or have bad teeth or unattractive clothes #And everything is far too tidy- everybody looks far too perfectly country and quaint #Anyway the moral of this story is of course that I always recommend reading the books because they're much better #than any tv adaptation; but if forced to choose at least the 1970s one felt real and yet didn't have to be grim either #Ok that's my rant over please do feel free to enjoy the show I just got annoyed because the opinion was expressed on TMS

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sysig · 8 months ago

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Red Eyes and Evil Time, practically the same thing right (Patreon)

#Doodles #Villainsona #Just Desserts #Sona double feature!#Red Eyes and Evil Time /are/ different for the record lol #There's overlap and they're both eye details but they're different #Mmm Red Eyes feels so niiiice <3 And I've been pacing myself so it's Just Red Eyes!#No red shines :) Which can happen even on Red Eyes #In fact it's probably more common - the red shines on Blue Eyes was something of an oddity #No one knows the lore except me I'll explain someday lol #For now it's just fun to be in Red Eyes! :D And the occasional Evil Time as well lol - all the overlaps!#I somehow accidentally made a like?? Cotton Candied Popcorn themed outfit for Eli for the first one lol that wasn't my intention #I mean it's cute I'm not about to fight it lol I'd love for my sonas to have other clothes inspired by each other haha #Eli's eyes are still quite fun to draw as well haha those bright pops of colour - Red Purple or Blue they're all so stark and shaped #Back to their classic feminine outfit good for them uwu #Silly lad #They're also still a scientist first and foremost - it's all chemicals there's gotta be a way to recreate it externally!#Local vampire scientist creates mood stabilizers more at 7 lol #I'm quite pleased with the three-red two-purple one-blue gradient as well hehe - the decay! :D I like it as a visual #Charm tiiime <3 <3 Happy Charm time in Evil Time! Usually better than bad mood Evil Time lol - at least for those around her #Still chaotic to be in it haha - but happy chaos is happy! Lol #Again more fun with eyes the light bounce in the one where she's holding the melt is so cute and looks so nice on my paper too <3 #I had a silly comic idea for her for the next time I get into Red Eyes as well - if I remember lol #Big Love is hearts! It just makes sense #Also I am Really proud of the cleaning job I did on that last one lol - from original to this? Night and day ngl #Guess that goes to show how little cleaning I do on-page lol #For some I do! Others...#Still thinking up outfits - you can probably just make out ''Hero Charm'' in her hair lol trying to think around different themes #Something that could become something else! Add or subtract an element and it changes the ''meaning'' of the outfit #Kinda like her initial caped design that Kaiein rejected hmmm

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earl-grey-crow · 24 days ago

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#well I just submitted my essay for my history class so I'm finally done with finals #I wish I felt happier or relieved or something but I don't. I feel awful. my body hurts from the incredible amount of tension/anxiety I had #trying to finish it before 11:59. I submitted it at 11:55. I have never come that close before and I hate it #the amount of anxiety I had you'd think the deadline was hunting me for sport #and what's worse is I felt all this anxiety and put all this work into it and I'm not even happy about it #I spent two days trying to figure out what he wanted us to write about because apparently he just seems to be really bad at instructions #like I thought maybe it was just me overthinking but I spent two hours talking to my mom about it and in the end even she couldn't figure i #so then I had only two days to gather notes make an outline write an essay. while burnt out and barely able to focus.#and while not knowing exactly what I was doing like is this what he wants. is it not. who knows I literally don't have time left #to figure it out I just need to write something and hope it works #but I hate being unsure it makes everything harder #especially because I really wanted to make a good grade. this was the class where I made a 78 on my midterm #which brought my class grade to a B but I'd been able to get it back to an A and I'd be able to keep it if I got like an 80ish on the final #the essay turned out okay idk if it's what he wanted but whatever at least I got the other requirements like word count and sources #but the CITATIONS...we had to use chicago which I'd never used before and let me just say. mla is the love of my life after this.#actually chicago might not be that bad if I got used to it I think my violence should be directed toward every word processor #that links footnotes. it is so STUPID that there isn't an easier way to make them different #if it hadn't been for trying to figure out footnotes on google docs I could've submitted it like ten minutes earlier #and with phenomenally less stress #I eventually had to make a choice as to what I'd give up: (1) submitting it on time (2) perfect citations or (3) word doc #which is what he wanted it submitted as #except when I tried that thank goodness I looked at the preview before I submitted it because I saw that it'd messed up the citations #I ended up submitting it as a pdf. on time. with perfect (maybe) (I didn't have time to double check) citations. but not as a word doc.#is it the end of the world? idk probably not but not meeting a professor's requirements is like. anathema.#all of that is to say that I'm going to cry and then let it go and get to bed and just. idk. I've reached that point where #I'm so tired and numb that it feels like I'll never feel better #anyway #maybe I hurt because of my meds and the side effects decided to kick in now because the grace of God held them back long enough #for me to finish #earl crow ramblings

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zieatsramen · 5 months ago

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FINALLY GOT MY HANDS ON THOSE DANG CDS

OHOHOHOHOOHOHOHOOOHOHO IT'S AO OVER FOR Y'ALL

You have no idea how long I've tried to get my hands on these guys

#teencore #mcr #gerard way #my chemical romance #cds #cd collecting #I think I've been trying since beginning of this year #I found them during a bad breakup and they've helped me cope so much and they also kinda sparked my passion for cds #wished they'd be my first ones but they just never were in stock #made a reservation and got a call yesterday and ofc I had to go today to get them huehuehue #I broke one of the cases (?) though which sucks #sorry three cheers #but yeah I'm so happy I finally have them #missing danger days bc the price is up so the store owner told me to wait until it goes back down again #but I now have three cheers and the black parade #and a live album #waiting to get the other #it's cd mania huehue

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carbonateddelusion · 2 months ago

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sits here. my mood has been swinging back and forth like a pendulum lately

#i still can't bring myself to make anything art-wise. and it is ripping me to shreds internally #i have no motovation whatsoever and i'm feeling disgusted by my creations. like that's the best you could do huh mixer?#i dunno. trying to keep calm. i'm going to my uncle's tomorrow to puppysit for 3 days #i'm happy that i'll see puppy but being out of my house will be stressful.#plus i've still got work to go to...#and i need to do the laundry and take out the trash and stop buying uber eats and forward my snap benefits email and.#and later today after high school lets out i'm going to talk with an old teacher i had #i need to change my bedding too..#i at least took a shower yesterday #i think my ptsd has been acting up in the background or something #my other uncle tries to tell me to let go of the past. but i don't want to. my past has forever impacted the way i'll be for the rest of-#-my life yk? and my 'past' wasn't even that long ago. it was 2/3 years ago. and my brother's still with that awful man #i can't pull him away from him.#i just wanna sleep. might take a sleep med early just to take a nap #i've been hating everything i make so like. why even try yk.#i drew one thing while i was hospitalized- a tiny sane jack head #i dunno. i dunno. i feel so empty. my depression's been super bad. i don't enjoy things that once made me happy #i feel so aimless. i'm thinking about going to college but i have to see what scholarships would be available because i can't work this job #WHILE in school. it'd wear me to the bone #i don't want to quit my job though. i like my job. i like my boss and my coworkers..#i dunno. idfk what's wrong with me anymore. i just want the pain to stop man.#i dunno what i want to do with myself but i feel like a. fuck it ik it's from firework but i feel like a plastic bag in the wind #i'm so tired. i miss my mom. i miss my sister. i miss my brother.#vent #delete later

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amrv-5 · 10 months ago

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survived Badly (argh) but going to work on fic for as long as I continue to enjoy doing so then switch over -- see if I can find somewhere to watch The 400 Blows and probably cry forever and dehydrate and feel soooo sad and then feel better after. Thank you French New Wave

#boooo whatever saying nonsense nothing matters delete later #somebody should invent a proximity to your parents that doesn't immediately make you so emotionally weird forever #overdramatic. Im feeling fine im eating some crackers and lying around chilling. Just. Weird. Off Balance..#Mild Disturbance in my Year of Exceptional Emotional/Mental Chill #not gonna let it break my 2024 streak of feeling generally Pretty Freakin Good and mostly Recovered From The Lost Year #Which btw. can I say... have i said...? Genuinely having one of the nicest years of my life so far... feeling really pretty good #mfw having more control over your life + surroundings + choices + living circumstances means you can genuinely #meaningfully improve ur day-to-day lived experiences and find what works for u to keep u happy + healthy + excited about life... magic #anyway. brief Huh I Feel Kind Of Bad And Sad In A Deeper Way Kicked Off By But Unrelated To Events Of The Day moment earlier #really made me realize how exceptionally good I've had it so far this year... i think... it's possible... things Do Get Better #anyway. ok done Tag Blogging now. just hope everyone enjoys a nice treat or something. get good sleep enjoy ur time change if it applies #watch a movie or something. idk have fun guys have a good night

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zevrans-remade · 1 year ago

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#it's my last shift in 2 days and then i'm leaving this job i'm actually so happy i no longer has to work there! 🎉#i need to find a new one asap of course but i never had energy to do so on my off days so i'll focus on that now #i've endured the hardest shifts with freezing -25-30 °C where the heater conditioner did absolutely nothing #shifts with the roof leaking trying to not let the orders of customers get wet constantly wiping shelves throughout 2 days on top #of everything i has to do #these past 2 days sewage system froze and i had no water to wash my hands or use the restroom properly..🤦‍♀️#i know the wet hand wipes are bad for ecology but man they continously saved me and also i had to wash my hands using water from kettle and #i had to do it outside freezing of course because the sink and restroom are in another building and i didnt have time to constantly walk #there.. and this on top of 2 last weeks of december being especially batshit crazy stressful and having heated karen encounters each shift.#and it was so hard on me because i am a nonconfrontational person and i don't like arguing with people #but i learned so much in these months of working there and for that experience i am still grateful :")#it's bittersweet that i won't see the friendly regulars that were always kind to me anymore tho 😔 and my coworker came yesterday #and we spoke for like an hour or so and he said he is is sad that i'm leaving because i'm such a nice person and a great coworker 🥺#ngl this made me sad too but life goes on.. he said he'll be leaving in a month too #said he didn't think that i'll leave first 😂#i woke up almost an hour ago from 3 bg3 related dreams in a row btw 😂🤦‍♀️ i need to play 🙈 ok i need to get up first..😭#tbd

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keeps-ache · 3 months ago

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once again i am on the playlist lol

#just me hi #my strange brain concoctions back at it again lmfsh #i've been workin on it by bits and bits for the past 2-3ish days and i think i've almost got what i mean hfvbs #yea... mnmnm...#//outta the Lagoons into the Blues !! what a transition hkfshv #i mean i Have found that i actually really really like the shampoo we've been using for like 5 years hghfsv #but also i've had to switch from that one to a different one anyway cuz my hair? is grezy ghfbshv #it Is soft now though which is cool :D cuz the old soap didn't get it quite well and i was using dish soap sometimes to strip it so Lmao #which btw the dish soap worked p well. however it Did feel stripped kgfhsv #/what else what else uuum #i've developed more world stuff for pi.e which is also very epic and neat ; like the 3 Cities + radiation towns + Sanctuary cities +#Sanctuary zones + how they interact w/ each other lol :)#i have these weird lil creatures that i'm calling Rascals rn but i think they need a different name pfshv #and also cuz i made the general world bigger that means i have defined more of the plot just by. scribbling some points for towns on paper #yea :D this thing is maybe just a little bit daunting but i'll prolly get it figured out lol ; roman 3 #/oh i Do really wanna draw more pi.e stuff to post hfh :>#cuz despite it all i am still v shy abt my stuff and that's kinda silly so !!#/sometimes my brain gets into these weird paper jams where i'm doing one thing but then i see and wanna do another thing (easy transition ?#but then i see another thing and then another and now i have 4 different things and i feel bad just focusing on just one because. ??? ????#when i was little i used to humanize objects Just before they were thrown away and i think that sort of carried over in a weird way bfhsvgj #balance in all things !! wait no not like that w-#//oh wait wait did i ever mention i learned to make stir fried rice w/ egg #prolly not that big of a deal but i'm STILL happy abt that lol :D #maybe especially cuz i was doing most of the cooking while my picky-cook brother was helping and he thought it was good so like YAY #though tried to make it a second time and i let my ma put the salt in the pot and she oversalted it by Far TwT #it was fine though just really salty lol :)#//mnm also getting into classic vehicles a lil bit #just a bit! cuz i don't know where to start and i just really like that one bike i doodled a bit ago #also i'm a bit spooked that my dad will find out and he is Overwhelming when he finds you might like smth he knows smth abt gfvsgh <3 #//Oh i'm outta tag space pfshgv - Toodlesssss ciao :3

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apocalypticdemon · 6 months ago

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y'know. it really sucks to feel yourself back-sliding, mentally, when you know you've been doing pretty alright for a while

#i can feel it coming scoob. frankly i think it may already be here.#i am always so tired. frustrated. having really fun mood swings.#and my job is deeply taxing and deeply stressful. ao i never get any fucking reprieve.#and i literally don't have the energy to care for myself at home reliably.#so my whole fuckin day got ruined today bc my landlord visited with some people to measure the place.#and i spent hours cleaning. and he ended the call by trlling me my apartment was dirty.#so. i cried. bc i have no emotional resilience anymore on account of the constant stress #and then i cut someone off in traffic today despite trying really hard to Not do that #but despite checking my mirrors and blind spot 4 times i still managed it!#and they sped past me. so i screamed at them from the safety of my car with the windows rolled up.#and then immediately burst into uncontrollable tears that lasted the better part of 30 min #and nearly made me puke.#so now. i am hollowed-out and exhausted. just barely making it through.#and i can feel how close the absolute meltdown is. and i can't fuckin do anything about it bc i can't miss work! fuck!#it's been an exceptionally stressful two weeks and I've had it. but we keep trucking i guess.#idk im sad and frustrated and just going through it rn. and it sucks bc i remember being happy.#and i'm just not anymore.#i ramble #sorry this was long and rambly and unasked for i'm just having a really really bad day #and will be having them every day until at least august!

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hazellight11 · 1 year ago

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It's been A Day today -_-

#nothing really specifically bad but. there was some discourse i was watching that i couldn't really add anything to #but it still put me in a bad mood #and also i didn't eat a good breakfast this morning so low energy all day #and i have an exam in just under 2 hours still. which is Fun #i've had my focus mode on all day aside from half an hour after i woke up #which is why i haven't really posted today #and I've been in class for 4 out of 5 hours from 11am to now (4pm) and had to study for that exam during my hour break #which i mean yeah normal day. but yesterday was my long day for the week and I'm just kinda really tired and overstimulated #which again. probably because of the singular donut i ate for breakfast #(i dont eat lunch bc i'm on campus all day and they dont serve dinner for another 15 minutes so i was going to take a nap rn)#BUT I JUST SAW THE NOTES ON MY POST ABOUT THE PATCHES AND IT MADE ME HAPPY <3

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because-its-eurovision · 2 years ago

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#no need to read or react just needed to rant about my brain a bit #the next two weeks are supposed to be super exciting with BC giving us a new look and song and music video #it's umk week and my favorite for once has historically great odds of winning and a good chance to do well at eurovision as well #I'm going to see umk live with my dear sister and stay at a hotel so it's like a mini-getout and then I'm going to stockholm and oslo gigs #this is supposed to be best times of the year so far but my brain decided we can't have any of that :)#last year at this same time I got hit hard with depression and the anxiety I've always had got even worse #it got to the point that nothing made me happy or feel anything at all and I just cried all day for weeks #everything about UMK night was blurry and sad because I wasn't talking to my bestie who I've watched eurovision with for 10 years #I just started crying during the Dark Side/ Bad Idea opening and the results felt like nothing #I'll always assiociate Bad Idea with my depression because it was playing on the radio in the nurse's office when I got my meds #anyway I can feel that same darkness crawling back to my brain right now and I'm very scared #my brain decides I don't deserve to be happy and screams about how unloveable and ridiculous and embarrassing and ugly I am #it isn't helping that Joel keeps reposting the most model-looking tiktokers because I always feel a hot gush of shame run through me #and everytime I see a pic of any of their blonde skinny young gfs I just wanna kms #now it's gotten to a point that the voice in my head yells at me that I don't deserve Bc or their music and I should cancel my gig trip #because they wouldn't wanna see a disgusting cow myself being so near the stage not to mention ask for a pic or autograph #and I should just hide in my apartment forever #and everyone who has ever been nice to me is either doing that out of pity or making fun of me behind my back #I can't take this anymore #delete later

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lizardindisguise38 · 25 days ago

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I was so insecure about gaining weight, looking weird and feeling like shit, and I did for a while,I was really at my lowest until summer came and I was working my ass off in the garden, working in the field, doing any type of physical work I could do, and my body didn't change much but it became stronger, something I didn't realize until a little while ago, when I stepped on to the volleyball court and played the best I ever have, I was never the best at it but now I am so strong and I love the sheer force and power my body possess which I can control to play great games with great people around me!!!!

#i love this group we made and the people i get to play with #i feel so good when i step on the court #immediate boost of happiness and love #i don't care if i win or lose i just play the best i can and enjoy myself #i was in the dumps after gaining a good amount of weight #i felt like shit and didn't wanna socialize or do much #I've always had self-image issues and they got a lot worse #i still have my bad days where i look in the mirror and i feel so disgusting #trying to remember to be nice to myself but it doesn't always go my way #learning to love yourself when it's rooted in you to not like the weight you are at is hard #i am doing my best to heal the parts of me that hurt the most #the parts of me i wish people around me could actually understand and give me encouragement when i need it

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mrmathmanwr · 2 months ago

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OMFGGGGGG. Listening to the InuYasha soundtrack on soundcloud as I look for a download for opening 1, and by god I keep getting chills. IT'S JUST SO GOOD. I really can't describe it in a way that does it justice, and to be fair, I can see from the outside how it wouldn't be anything special - but when you think of it from the perspective of the series? I can't even think of a follow up to that. The emotions that form in me are far beyond the - what I'd like to describe as rather large - vocabulary I possess. I may give the InuYasha anime a lot of shit, and I may mock Sunrise incredulously, but by God, I really have to give credit where credit is due. Nothing else hits quite the same way. God, play this shit at my funereal.

edit: GOD I WANNA FUCKING HIT SOMETHING IT'S SO FUCKING GOOD.

#inuyasha #inuyasha ost #ost #music #Very introspective music to be honest.#On rainy nights like these - in my heated room - it honestly just makes me wish I could stay like this forever.#Sadly though - comfort comes and goes.#But it's these moments of clarity - calmness - and stillness in life that make it all worth it to me.#I may have worries - I may have faults - but right now - I have a childlike comfort.#It's not something that hits me often - but I welcome it with open arms. It makes me think of the future.#It's pretty impossible to know what it holds - good or bad - and planning too far only leads to disappointment.#Despite all that - I'd like to think that I find something - whatever it is - to dedicate myself to. It's what I've always wanted.#A struggle - a fight - a zeal - a reason to go day to day. It's something I've never really had for as long as I can think.#Despite all this - it reminds me of a quote from someone smarter than me.#“The struggle towards the heights alone is enough to fill a man's heart.”#And right now #I'm happy.#Anyways #The Inuyasha OST made me philosophical and poetic. FUCK.#I always do this when I'm sleepy. I'm going to bed.#goodnight.#my friend would kill me rn if they were on tumblr.

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iamnotlookingidonotseeit · 2 months ago

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im still thinking about that dressed as each other costume thing and it's driving me nuts that the person I would usually ask "is this a couple thing??" is the person I traded clothes with

#fanfic ass situation #and i absolutely can't ask them anything about their past(??) feelings(???) for me because they're in a serious relationship #with a monog person they started seeing a matter of days before i came over and happily announced (with sincere obliviousness)#that i had realized i miss making out and i was poly and going to start dating again #if they do/did indeed have feelings for me i owe them 100 sincere fucking apologies for that bit of timing and the failure to read the room #bro i am literally not self aware i don't get signals or know what i'm signaling at any given moment #which makes me honest (i like you so much! more than almost anyone!) but clumsy (didn’t realize you might like me more than anyone too)#it makes me a very bad friend to say it because they seem like their gf makes them happy and they've worked hard to let themself have it #and trust that it's something good #and i want and need to respect that #but i really fucking wish they'd broken up with their gf back in december when they were trying to #or i wish that M was poly instead of monog #or i wish i'd gone to therapy sooner to figure my shit out #or i wish they'd said 'living with you made me my best self' FIVE YEARS AGO instead of last month when they moved in with their gf #bc i'm starting to think i'd have everything i want if i could have s and live with both them and e #but i've had to realize this at a point where my dating life is incredibly fucking complicated #trying to get e to move in and having r say the L word and realizing i might have feelings for my taken best friend and flirting w some guy #and randos at the bar bc apparently i want attention and to be kissed but i can't have it #bc the girl in love with me is hundreds of miles away and my bestie who MIGHT. MIGHT want that isn't available and might never be #i never see myself as desirable so i never realize i might be a messy bitch until i remember #that i've had like 10 people hint at or explicitly state romantic interest in me since i was 18 and i am incapable of believing they mean it #and i think i hurt some feelings bc i lack the self esteem and self awareness to realize i even could hurt them #unbelievable.#no one who knew me in hs would believe it of me but i really am a messy bitch

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