#made me happy i've had a bad day | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

incorrectone-piece · 1 month ago

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there is no better feeling in the world than someone discovering my blog for the first time and me waking up to over 100 notifs from one person.

Thanks one person.

#love ya'll #it keeps happening #and it keeps making me incrediby happy #not one piece #arria talks #hehe #made me happy i've had a bad day #thank you

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the-busy-ghost · 2 months ago

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Me normally: Let people love what they love

Me, after a Test Match Special commentator expresses their belief that the new All Creatures Great and Small is somehow "better" than the 1978 version: This is pure insanity and TMS can no longer be trusted on anything, how can they even be trusted to know about cricket, do they have no TASTE

#Look it's fine that this show exists and people will watch it and like it and that's ok maybe it's just not for me #But that was like a statement purely designed to piss me off #There were lots of issues with the 1978 adaptation! I still vastly preferred the books any day!#And I actually initially had high hopes for the new one because they at least cast a Scot (albeit a Highlander not a Clydesider) as James #And the actors at least looked a little bit younger than Christopher Timothy and Robert Hardy #And thank god Helen actually sounds like she's a farmer's daughter and doesn't speak RP!#But from the half hour I've seen of it I've had to write off this new adaptation #For two major reasons #First of all there's Siegfried #Siegfried is one of the key central aspects of the vibe of the books and therefore key to any adaptation #Robert Hardy was too short and too old for the part but he lived and breathed the character #The twinkle in the eye bouncing off the walls and in and out of rooms followed by half a dozen dogs utterly full of life even when angry #But this new Siegfried is just sort of... Eeyore-esque; he comes into a room and you can see the flowers droop and the set turn grey #Siegfried was angry Siegfried was happy and the historical character he was based on was no stranger to melancholy #Since Donald Sinclair did commit suicide or rather self-euthanasia after Alf Wight and his own wife Audrey died #But this slow grumbly figure in the new adaptation is not Siegfried Farnon- the book character didn't grumble more often he exploded #And why did the adaptation give him a dead wife that's so weird? What could that possibly add to the source material?#And this brings me onto my second problem which is to do with women and age #Firstly I have no idea why they aged down Mrs Hall or at least made her look younger than a woman her age would have back then #But what really drove me mad was when Heriot goes out to see some old woman hill farmer in the episode I saw #And this woman is far too clean and young-looking and you can see that she's wearing 'natural' look make-up #And a perfect set of clothes that looked like they were straight out of the House of Bruar autumn collection catalogue #Say what you like about the 1978 adaptation but old women looked like old women regardless of whether or not they wore make-up #It may be that the better quality of television screens means that the 'natural look' shows up on screen more clearly than it would have #But natural look make-up was not really a thing in the 1930s and for old women Yorkshire hill farmers I doubt they'd have much on at all #They just don't seem to be capable of allowing people to look old and wrinkled and real or have bad teeth or unattractive clothes #And everything is far too tidy- everybody looks far too perfectly country and quaint #Anyway the moral of this story is of course that I always recommend reading the books because they're much better #than any tv adaptation; but if forced to choose at least the 1970s one felt real and yet didn't have to be grim either #Ok that's my rant over please do feel free to enjoy the show I just got annoyed because the opinion was expressed on TMS

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sysig · 7 months ago

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Red Eyes and Evil Time, practically the same thing right (Patreon)

#Doodles #Villainsona #Just Desserts #Sona double feature!#Red Eyes and Evil Time /are/ different for the record lol #There's overlap and they're both eye details but they're different #Mmm Red Eyes feels so niiiice <3 And I've been pacing myself so it's Just Red Eyes!#No red shines :) Which can happen even on Red Eyes #In fact it's probably more common - the red shines on Blue Eyes was something of an oddity #No one knows the lore except me I'll explain someday lol #For now it's just fun to be in Red Eyes! :D And the occasional Evil Time as well lol - all the overlaps!#I somehow accidentally made a like?? Cotton Candied Popcorn themed outfit for Eli for the first one lol that wasn't my intention #I mean it's cute I'm not about to fight it lol I'd love for my sonas to have other clothes inspired by each other haha #Eli's eyes are still quite fun to draw as well haha those bright pops of colour - Red Purple or Blue they're all so stark and shaped #Back to their classic feminine outfit good for them uwu #Silly lad #They're also still a scientist first and foremost - it's all chemicals there's gotta be a way to recreate it externally!#Local vampire scientist creates mood stabilizers more at 7 lol #I'm quite pleased with the three-red two-purple one-blue gradient as well hehe - the decay! :D I like it as a visual #Charm tiiime <3 <3 Happy Charm time in Evil Time! Usually better than bad mood Evil Time lol - at least for those around her #Still chaotic to be in it haha - but happy chaos is happy! Lol #Again more fun with eyes the light bounce in the one where she's holding the melt is so cute and looks so nice on my paper too <3 #I had a silly comic idea for her for the next time I get into Red Eyes as well - if I remember lol #Big Love is hearts! It just makes sense #Also I am Really proud of the cleaning job I did on that last one lol - from original to this? Night and day ngl #Guess that goes to show how little cleaning I do on-page lol #For some I do! Others...#Still thinking up outfits - you can probably just make out ''Hero Charm'' in her hair lol trying to think around different themes #Something that could become something else! Add or subtract an element and it changes the ''meaning'' of the outfit #Kinda like her initial caped design that Kaiein rejected hmmm

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bunnihearted · 4 months ago

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🌙☁️🌌

#evenings and nights are always the worst for me #when i feel this lonely.... :(((#when you're alone the nights are the worst bc #u dont have anyone at all really.. and it gets so obvious at night #just .. the loneliness gets intensified #and i can compare bc #there was a period of time where i talked to someone everyday #and i looked forward to the nights and their messages and comforing goodnight messages #and so i know firsthand what big of a difference that makes #for years and years i've had these bad loneliness feelings tho.. so it's not smth new #but it gets harder and harder to deal with them. esp as the world outside is getting colder and crueler #and people only get more and more mean #plus when i do have smth wonderful that made me warm and happy and comforted that i dont have anymore #and can compare and know what im missing #it does get harder :c #i try to watch videos and think of other things but oh god this loneliness hurts so damn much i crumble underneath the weight of it #maybe life will get better dealing with it all if i have a stable income and an apartment with my pets #and go to work all day and come home too tired to feel lonely... idk?#im so scared i'll never find someone that i can be together with. bc i think im the kind of person who needs that #but im also so different and difficult and idk how and if it'll happen....#and how do i live with these heavy painful feelings of extreme loneliness ? idk :c #i try mindfulness too. and listening to music. and reading. and cuddling my pets #but im just a human. i want someone i love to hold me and fall asleep with them close to me.#i wanna lie in bed and talk to them abt anything bc between us it is a judgement free zone #despite what ppl say i am not weak for needing and wanting that. and being incredibly alone without it.#it's what i need and want but idk if i ever will and the thought of being stuck with this heavy loneliness all my life makes me wanna die #ok. peace out 😑✌️

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zieatsramen · 3 months ago

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FINALLY GOT MY HANDS ON THOSE DANG CDS

OHOHOHOHOOHOHOHOOOHOHO IT'S AO OVER FOR Y'ALL

You have no idea how long I've tried to get my hands on these guys

#teencore #mcr #gerard way #my chemical romance #cds #cd collecting #I think I've been trying since beginning of this year #I found them during a bad breakup and they've helped me cope so much and they also kinda sparked my passion for cds #wished they'd be my first ones but they just never were in stock #made a reservation and got a call yesterday and ofc I had to go today to get them huehuehue #I broke one of the cases (?) though which sucks #sorry three cheers #but yeah I'm so happy I finally have them #missing danger days bc the price is up so the store owner told me to wait until it goes back down again #but I now have three cheers and the black parade #and a live album #waiting to get the other #it's cd mania huehue

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carbonateddelusion · 10 hours ago

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sits here. my mood has been swinging back and forth like a pendulum lately

#i still can't bring myself to make anything art-wise. and it is ripping me to shreds internally #i have no motovation whatsoever and i'm feeling disgusted by my creations. like that's the best you could do huh mixer?#i dunno. trying to keep calm. i'm going to my uncle's tomorrow to puppysit for 3 days #i'm happy that i'll see puppy but being out of my house will be stressful.#plus i've still got work to go to...#and i need to do the laundry and take out the trash and stop buying uber eats and forward my snap benefits email and.#and later today after high school lets out i'm going to talk with an old teacher i had #i need to change my bedding too..#i at least took a shower yesterday #i think my ptsd has been acting up in the background or something #my other uncle tries to tell me to let go of the past. but i don't want to. my past has forever impacted the way i'll be for the rest of-#-my life yk? and my 'past' wasn't even that long ago. it was 2/3 years ago. and my brother's still with that awful man #i can't pull him away from him.#i just wanna sleep. might take a sleep med early just to take a nap #i've been hating everything i make so like. why even try yk.#i drew one thing while i was hospitalized- a tiny sane jack head #i dunno. i dunno. i feel so empty. my depression's been super bad. i don't enjoy things that once made me happy #i feel so aimless. i'm thinking about going to college but i have to see what scholarships would be available because i can't work this job #WHILE in school. it'd wear me to the bone #i don't want to quit my job though. i like my job. i like my boss and my coworkers..#i dunno. idfk what's wrong with me anymore. i just want the pain to stop man.#i dunno what i want to do with myself but i feel like a. fuck it ik it's from firework but i feel like a plastic bag in the wind #i'm so tired. i miss my mom. i miss my sister. i miss my brother.#vent #delete later

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amrv-5 · 8 months ago

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survived Badly (argh) but going to work on fic for as long as I continue to enjoy doing so then switch over -- see if I can find somewhere to watch The 400 Blows and probably cry forever and dehydrate and feel soooo sad and then feel better after. Thank you French New Wave

#boooo whatever saying nonsense nothing matters delete later #somebody should invent a proximity to your parents that doesn't immediately make you so emotionally weird forever #overdramatic. Im feeling fine im eating some crackers and lying around chilling. Just. Weird. Off Balance..#Mild Disturbance in my Year of Exceptional Emotional/Mental Chill #not gonna let it break my 2024 streak of feeling generally Pretty Freakin Good and mostly Recovered From The Lost Year #Which btw. can I say... have i said...? Genuinely having one of the nicest years of my life so far... feeling really pretty good #mfw having more control over your life + surroundings + choices + living circumstances means you can genuinely #meaningfully improve ur day-to-day lived experiences and find what works for u to keep u happy + healthy + excited about life... magic #anyway. brief Huh I Feel Kind Of Bad And Sad In A Deeper Way Kicked Off By But Unrelated To Events Of The Day moment earlier #really made me realize how exceptionally good I've had it so far this year... i think... it's possible... things Do Get Better #anyway. ok done Tag Blogging now. just hope everyone enjoys a nice treat or something. get good sleep enjoy ur time change if it applies #watch a movie or something. idk have fun guys have a good night

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zevrans-remade · 10 months ago

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#it's my last shift in 2 days and then i'm leaving this job i'm actually so happy i no longer has to work there! 🎉#i need to find a new one asap of course but i never had energy to do so on my off days so i'll focus on that now #i've endured the hardest shifts with freezing -25-30 °C where the heater conditioner did absolutely nothing #shifts with the roof leaking trying to not let the orders of customers get wet constantly wiping shelves throughout 2 days on top #of everything i has to do #these past 2 days sewage system froze and i had no water to wash my hands or use the restroom properly..🤦‍♀️#i know the wet hand wipes are bad for ecology but man they continously saved me and also i had to wash my hands using water from kettle and #i had to do it outside freezing of course because the sink and restroom are in another building and i didnt have time to constantly walk #there.. and this on top of 2 last weeks of december being especially batshit crazy stressful and having heated karen encounters each shift.#and it was so hard on me because i am a nonconfrontational person and i don't like arguing with people #but i learned so much in these months of working there and for that experience i am still grateful :")#it's bittersweet that i won't see the friendly regulars that were always kind to me anymore tho 😔 and my coworker came yesterday #and we spoke for like an hour or so and he said he is is sad that i'm leaving because i'm such a nice person and a great coworker 🥺#ngl this made me sad too but life goes on.. he said he'll be leaving in a month too #said he didn't think that i'll leave first 😂#i woke up almost an hour ago from 3 bg3 related dreams in a row btw 😂🤦‍♀️ i need to play 🙈 ok i need to get up first..😭#tbd

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keeps-ache · 23 days ago

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once again i am on the playlist lol

#just me hi #my strange brain concoctions back at it again lmfsh #i've been workin on it by bits and bits for the past 2-3ish days and i think i've almost got what i mean hfvbs #yea... mnmnm...#//outta the Lagoons into the Blues !! what a transition hkfshv #i mean i Have found that i actually really really like the shampoo we've been using for like 5 years hghfsv #but also i've had to switch from that one to a different one anyway cuz my hair? is grezy ghfbshv #it Is soft now though which is cool :D cuz the old soap didn't get it quite well and i was using dish soap sometimes to strip it so Lmao #which btw the dish soap worked p well. however it Did feel stripped kgfhsv #/what else what else uuum #i've developed more world stuff for pi.e which is also very epic and neat ; like the 3 Cities + radiation towns + Sanctuary cities +#Sanctuary zones + how they interact w/ each other lol :)#i have these weird lil creatures that i'm calling Rascals rn but i think they need a different name pfshv #and also cuz i made the general world bigger that means i have defined more of the plot just by. scribbling some points for towns on paper #yea :D this thing is maybe just a little bit daunting but i'll prolly get it figured out lol ; roman 3 #/oh i Do really wanna draw more pi.e stuff to post hfh :>#cuz despite it all i am still v shy abt my stuff and that's kinda silly so !!#/sometimes my brain gets into these weird paper jams where i'm doing one thing but then i see and wanna do another thing (easy transition ?#but then i see another thing and then another and now i have 4 different things and i feel bad just focusing on just one because. ??? ????#when i was little i used to humanize objects Just before they were thrown away and i think that sort of carried over in a weird way bfhsvgj #balance in all things !! wait no not like that w-#//oh wait wait did i ever mention i learned to make stir fried rice w/ egg #prolly not that big of a deal but i'm STILL happy abt that lol :D #maybe especially cuz i was doing most of the cooking while my picky-cook brother was helping and he thought it was good so like YAY #though tried to make it a second time and i let my ma put the salt in the pot and she oversalted it by Far TwT #it was fine though just really salty lol :)#//mnm also getting into classic vehicles a lil bit #just a bit! cuz i don't know where to start and i just really like that one bike i doodled a bit ago #also i'm a bit spooked that my dad will find out and he is Overwhelming when he finds you might like smth he knows smth abt gfvsgh <3 #//Oh i'm outta tag space pfshgv - Toodlesssss ciao :3

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apocalypticdemon · 5 months ago

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y'know. it really sucks to feel yourself back-sliding, mentally, when you know you've been doing pretty alright for a while

#i can feel it coming scoob. frankly i think it may already be here.#i am always so tired. frustrated. having really fun mood swings.#and my job is deeply taxing and deeply stressful. ao i never get any fucking reprieve.#and i literally don't have the energy to care for myself at home reliably.#so my whole fuckin day got ruined today bc my landlord visited with some people to measure the place.#and i spent hours cleaning. and he ended the call by trlling me my apartment was dirty.#so. i cried. bc i have no emotional resilience anymore on account of the constant stress #and then i cut someone off in traffic today despite trying really hard to Not do that #but despite checking my mirrors and blind spot 4 times i still managed it!#and they sped past me. so i screamed at them from the safety of my car with the windows rolled up.#and then immediately burst into uncontrollable tears that lasted the better part of 30 min #and nearly made me puke.#so now. i am hollowed-out and exhausted. just barely making it through.#and i can feel how close the absolute meltdown is. and i can't fuckin do anything about it bc i can't miss work! fuck!#it's been an exceptionally stressful two weeks and I've had it. but we keep trucking i guess.#idk im sad and frustrated and just going through it rn. and it sucks bc i remember being happy.#and i'm just not anymore.#i ramble #sorry this was long and rambly and unasked for i'm just having a really really bad day #and will be having them every day until at least august!

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lovelaceisntdead · 1 year ago

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Can someone come over and read me a story or something please

#i feel so awful today idk if I'm flaring or coming down with something but my anxiety is NOT happy about it #I'm really weak and shaky and I'm feeling really out of it #I've had a headache all day and my jaw has been so bad today #but my dad made me soup at lunch time :) (i may be a reformed soup disliker)#he's being weirdly sort of nice lately it's making me uneasy #but my anxiety has mot been fun to deal with today idk what's up with her #I'm so sleepy also

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hazellight11 · 1 year ago

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It's been A Day today -_-

#nothing really specifically bad but. there was some discourse i was watching that i couldn't really add anything to #but it still put me in a bad mood #and also i didn't eat a good breakfast this morning so low energy all day #and i have an exam in just under 2 hours still. which is Fun #i've had my focus mode on all day aside from half an hour after i woke up #which is why i haven't really posted today #and I've been in class for 4 out of 5 hours from 11am to now (4pm) and had to study for that exam during my hour break #which i mean yeah normal day. but yesterday was my long day for the week and I'm just kinda really tired and overstimulated #which again. probably because of the singular donut i ate for breakfast #(i dont eat lunch bc i'm on campus all day and they dont serve dinner for another 15 minutes so i was going to take a nap rn)#BUT I JUST SAW THE NOTES ON MY POST ABOUT THE PATCHES AND IT MADE ME HAPPY <3

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because-its-eurovision · 2 years ago

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#no need to read or react just needed to rant about my brain a bit #the next two weeks are supposed to be super exciting with BC giving us a new look and song and music video #it's umk week and my favorite for once has historically great odds of winning and a good chance to do well at eurovision as well #I'm going to see umk live with my dear sister and stay at a hotel so it's like a mini-getout and then I'm going to stockholm and oslo gigs #this is supposed to be best times of the year so far but my brain decided we can't have any of that :)#last year at this same time I got hit hard with depression and the anxiety I've always had got even worse #it got to the point that nothing made me happy or feel anything at all and I just cried all day for weeks #everything about UMK night was blurry and sad because I wasn't talking to my bestie who I've watched eurovision with for 10 years #I just started crying during the Dark Side/ Bad Idea opening and the results felt like nothing #I'll always assiociate Bad Idea with my depression because it was playing on the radio in the nurse's office when I got my meds #anyway I can feel that same darkness crawling back to my brain right now and I'm very scared #my brain decides I don't deserve to be happy and screams about how unloveable and ridiculous and embarrassing and ugly I am #it isn't helping that Joel keeps reposting the most model-looking tiktokers because I always feel a hot gush of shame run through me #and everytime I see a pic of any of their blonde skinny young gfs I just wanna kms #now it's gotten to a point that the voice in my head yells at me that I don't deserve Bc or their music and I should cancel my gig trip #because they wouldn't wanna see a disgusting cow myself being so near the stage not to mention ask for a pic or autograph #and I should just hide in my apartment forever #and everyone who has ever been nice to me is either doing that out of pity or making fun of me behind my back #I can't take this anymore #delete later

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giantkillerjack · 2 years ago

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Hey remember that time Tim Burton said that he doesn't include Black characters as leads because it would be too "politically correct"? They just don't fit his "vision", guys! Unless they're villains. Obviously. 🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮 /s (Apparently, this is the case so far in the Wednesday show.)

So yeah. This movie here by Jordan "one of the best filmmakers alive" Peele and Henry "the guy who actually directed Nightmare Before Christmas" Selleck being one of the best animated movies to come out in years is so awesome on so many levels:

Kat as a Black alt girl - fuck anyone who says they don't exist! Of course they do! and they're punk as hell! In fact, this specific scene highlights exactly how fucking punk she is: It has been firmly established that HER REBELLION HAS REAL AND SEVERE POTENTIAL CONSEQUENCES beyond just dirty looks from preppy kids. If she is expelled, she goes back to prison. This child arrives at school in chains. And she STILL does this within minutes of arriving because she has a strength of identity that she won't let anyone take away from her. WHAT COULD BE MORE PUNK THAN THAT????

Genuinely anti-fascist messaging (Disney would NEVER) and a direct commentary on the prison industrial complex (hey, Tim! have your films had anything important to say, like... ever? Just checking, cause I know you got that incurable progressive mediocrity disease. 😭 Poor bb.)

Excellent comedy! (It's Key and Peele, baby!)

James Hong is there and he is great.

Wonderful and dynamic character/set design!

An interpretation of healing from trauma that was so beautiful I wept.

An extremely sexy giant demon DILF lord!

Original songs!

A FAT FEMALE CHARACTER WHO IS A COOL BADASS WHILE REPRESENTING SUPPORT BETWEEN GENERATIONS OF BLACK WOMEN??? WHAT?!!?!! YES!!!!!!! (hey real quick, everyone! Name the first 10 badass fat female characters that come to your mind! Oh what's that? It's taking you a while to think of even 5???? SO WEIRD. Okay then just name a couple fat Tim Burton characters who aren't villains. Oh?? THERE'S LITERALLY NONE??? HOW FUCKIN' STRANGE)

And let's not forget, THE FIRST TRANS BOY I HAVE EVER SEEN IN A MOVIE!!!! RAUL IS A MAIN CHARACTER WITH A TON OF SCREENTIME AND HIS AGENCY IS INTEGRAL TO THE PLOT!!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰 he's perfect and his Hispanic heritage is not only much-needed representation, but it is also relevant to the beautiful artwork he makes in the style of pre-colonial Latin American religious imagery!

Raul's art stands in direct contrast to the grim cold aesthetic of the Catholic Church. (Disney would NEVER) Which IS in other movies I've seen.... so long as the non-Christian imagery represents an ancient evil that highlights the nobility and necessity of the Church for crushing Pagan religions. This is the FIRST TIME I've ever seen an inversion of that trope and it RULES.

Anyway this movie is so good and everyone needs to know about it.

Wendell & Wild (2022)

Bad things happen to people I’m close to... They die.

#original #wendall and wild #kat wendell and wild #raul wendell and wild #sister helley #i was afraid the only disabled character was gonna be a bad guy but even he gets a shot at redemption #so cool #to be clear i am white and if i have accidentally said something hurtful i would really like to know so i can do better #i just care a lot about one of the only thematically coherent animated films I've seen in years #like all i can think of is.... klaus (also conspicuously white tbh) and... spider-verse (no notes; that movie rules) and....#i cannot think of anything else dear gods. i guess Turning Red. maybe Encanto even tho it is conspicuously straight #raul just being there made me very nearly cry from happiness as a Transmasc. i also went to a catholic school. didn't like it.#so i can only listen to POC and try to imagine the anger and grief they feel at their erasure and the joy of their inclusion.#and folks seemed to really like this movie! which is amazing! how about a few thousand more? to start.#my three favorite things on this earth are my wife my dog and a clever and meaningful inversion of a harmful trope.#I live for taking a shitty thing in storytelling and turning it around and making it better than anything it ever has been before #prison bars torn away and twisted into sculptures and all that #i didn't even realize sister helley was fat until a few days later bc it is irrelevant to the plot and never brought up. and i was like #omg how did i miss that! non-joke fat characters mean everything to me! sister helley is awesome.#legit if i had seen this movie as a child i think it would have permanently changed something in me. in a good way.#i didn't start questioning racism in america until I was an adult. this movie would have had me asking questions so much earlier.#we need movies like this. we NEED them. no room for 'subtlety.' these stories must be told.#AND ONE MORE THING: I own those boots! Same boots!! Got them some years ago. Kat has great taste.

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mrmathmanwr · 11 days ago

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OMFGGGGGG. Listening to the InuYasha soundtrack on soundcloud as I look for a download for opening 1, and by god I keep getting chills. IT'S JUST SO GOOD. I really can't describe it in a way that does it justice, and to be fair, I can see from the outside how it wouldn't be anything special - but when you think of it from the perspective of the series? I can't even think of a follow up to that. The emotions that form in me are far beyond the - what I'd like to describe as rather large - vocabulary I possess. I may give the InuYasha anime a lot of shit, and I may mock Sunrise incredulously, but by God, I really have to give credit where credit is due. Nothing else hits quite the same way. God, play this shit at my funereal.

edit: GOD I WANNA FUCKING HIT SOMETHING IT'S SO FUCKING GOOD.

#inuyasha #inuyasha ost #ost #music #Very introspective music to be honest.#On rainy nights like these - in my heated room - it honestly just makes me wish I could stay like this forever.#Sadly though - comfort comes and goes.#But it's these moments of clarity - calmness - and stillness in life that make it all worth it to me.#I may have worries - I may have faults - but right now - I have a childlike comfort.#It's not something that hits me often - but I welcome it with open arms. It makes me think of the future.#It's pretty impossible to know what it holds - good or bad - and planning too far only leads to disappointment.#Despite all that - I'd like to think that I find something - whatever it is - to dedicate myself to. It's what I've always wanted.#A struggle - a fight - a zeal - a reason to go day to day. It's something I've never really had for as long as I can think.#Despite all this - it reminds me of a quote from someone smarter than me.#“The struggle towards the heights alone is enough to fill a man's heart.”#And right now #I'm happy.#Anyways #The Inuyasha OST made me philosophical and poetic. FUCK.#I always do this when I'm sleepy. I'm going to bed.#goodnight.#my friend would kill me rn if they were on tumblr.

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iamnotlookingidonotseeit · 12 days ago

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im still thinking about that dressed as each other costume thing and it's driving me nuts that the person I would usually ask "is this a couple thing??" is the person I traded clothes with

#fanfic ass situation #and i absolutely can't ask them anything about their past(??) feelings(???) for me because they're in a serious relationship #with a monog person they started seeing a matter of days before i came over and happily announced (with sincere obliviousness)#that i had realized i miss making out and i was poly and going to start dating again #if they do/did indeed have feelings for me i owe them 100 sincere fucking apologies for that bit of timing and the failure to read the room #bro i am literally not self aware i don't get signals or know what i'm signaling at any given moment #which makes me honest (i like you so much! more than almost anyone!) but clumsy (didn’t realize you might like me more than anyone too)#it makes me a very bad friend to say it because they seem like their gf makes them happy and they've worked hard to let themself have it #and trust that it's something good #and i want and need to respect that #but i really fucking wish they'd broken up with their gf back in december when they were trying to #or i wish that M was poly instead of monog #or i wish i'd gone to therapy sooner to figure my shit out #or i wish they'd said 'living with you made me my best self' FIVE YEARS AGO instead of last month when they moved in with their gf #bc i'm starting to think i'd have everything i want if i could have s and live with both them and e #but i've had to realize this at a point where my dating life is incredibly fucking complicated #trying to get e to move in and having r say the L word and realizing i might have feelings for my taken best friend and flirting w some guy #and randos at the bar bc apparently i want attention and to be kissed but i can't have it #bc the girl in love with me is hundreds of miles away and my bestie who MIGHT. MIGHT want that isn't available and might never be #i never see myself as desirable so i never realize i might be a messy bitch until i remember #that i've had like 10 people hint at or explicitly state romantic interest in me since i was 18 and i am incapable of believing they mean it #and i think i hurt some feelings bc i lack the self esteem and self awareness to realize i even could hurt them #unbelievable.#no one who knew me in hs would believe it of me but i really am a messy bitch

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