#made it vaguely platonic but also with hints of romance just in case!

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

Queer Book Recommendations!!

I haven't really read a book book in years. Due to money problems and a lack of free time, audiobooks and AO3 were a MUCH cheaper option for me. But now that I'm struggling to fully read text posts on Tumblr I realize my attention span is shot. Reading novels is helping me tune out and focus in again. So I'm turning to queer novels written by my 'queer elders'.

For anyone who is struggling to get back into long form content after reading Fic for years, I highly recommend the books of TJ KLUNE (summaries of what I've read under the break).

If you are a fan of the 'escaping a shitty life and being welcomed into a found family' fanworks, this is the writer for you! All his stories center on home and feeling welcomed and loved. Of middle age and finding out who you are. Of finding love for others and yourself. He makes you hunger for that type of romantic and platonic love where people just know the real you. His stories also float by so quickly, there are so many things he does that I want to emulate his writing into my work.

Someone on Tumblr described the romances as: “what if a real life disney prince fell in love with the human equivalent of a wet paper bag?” and I agree 100%. All his protagonists are just like that, and I love them all.

(Also, this man definitely had an office job he hated, and writes office work culture as a death sentence in every one of his novels and I love it).

If you have any queer novels you love, don't be afraid to leave me a recommendation! (Especially WLW that isn't 'One Last Stop')

HAVE READ: The House in the Cerulean Sea : [An amazing love fantastical found family story (with a hint of romance)! I listened to the audiobook on Audible and absolutely loved it! I can't wait for the sequel coming out next year.]

Linus Baker is a lonely case worker for a governmental organization which manages orphaned kids who are magical beings.

One day, he's given a secret assignment to assess a special orphanage on the island of Marsyas, run by a man named Arthur Parnassus, who has secrets of his own. Among the six unique children living there, one of them is Lucy, short for Lucifer, who just happens to be the Antichrist.

Despite his initial reservations, as Linus's days pass in Marsyas, in this idyllic setting among a coterie of magical children, Linus finds himself coming across a little romance, an unlikely family and possibly even a home.

Currently Reading: Under the Whispering Door. [I know this is going to be heartbreaking, but I'm loving it, only on page 50/373. Will likely post something vague about how it made me cry lol]

When a reaper comes to collect Wallace Price from his own funeral, Wallace suspects he really might be dead.

Instead of leading him directly to the afterlife, the reaper takes him to a small village. On the outskirts, off the path through the woods, tucked between mountains, is a particular tea shop, run by a man named Hugo. Hugo is the tea shop's owner to locals and the ferryman to souls who need to cross over.

But Wallace isn't ready to abandon the life he barely lived. With Hugo's help, he finally starts to learn about all the things he missed in life.

When the Manager, a curious and powerful being, arrives at the tea shop and gives Wallace one week to cross over, Wallace sets about living a lifetime in seven days.

Planning on reading: In The Lives of Puppets(The book is on my shelf).

In a strange little home built into the branches of a grove of trees, live three robots—fatherly inventor android Giovanni Lawson, a pleasantly sadistic nurse machine, and a small vacuum desperate for love and attention. Victor Lawson, a human, lives there too. They’re a family, hidden and safe.

The day Vic salvages and repairs an unfamiliar android labelled “HAP,” he learns of a shared dark past between Hap and Gio–a past spent hunting humans.

When Hap unwittingly alerts robots from Gio’s former life to their whereabouts, the family is no longer hidden and safe. Gio is captured and taken back to his old laboratory in the City of Electric Dreams. So together, the rest of Vic’s assembled family must journey across an unforgiving and otherworldly country to rescue Gio from decommission, or worse, reprogramming.

Along the way to save Gio, amid conflicted feelings of betrayal and affection for Hap, Vic must decide for himself: Can he accept love with strings attached?

[yuckydraws]

What’s it like living with Wine and Coffee?

I’m just going to do imagines, hope that’s okay!

•••••••••••••

Imagine Wine’s fake pleasantry and kindness slowly being replaced with genuine friendship the more you both get to know each other.

Imagine Coffee going from a quiet, stuttery mess around you, to a more talkative and soft friend who seeks your company often. You also find that he can be surprisingly flirty sometimes.

Wine, barely home, working himself to the bone on weekdays. On weekends he’s holed up in his room working on sewing projects. However, everyday he makes an effort to make you and Coffee dinner and eat with you both.

Coffee is the practical opposite of Wine. He works from home as an artist and rarely leaves unless it’s to go paint outside. He’s a hermit.

Once, you find Wine, passed out with a high fever on his bedroom floor from overworking himself. When he comes to, he urges you not to tell Coffee - and he’s up and pushing himself again in a few hours. Another time, you find Coffee freaking out in the flooded laundry room? You ask him how it happened and find out that he’s absolutely lost on how to do basic chores. He all but begs you to help him clean up and not let Wine know what happened. You start to realize that these “well put together” brothers are quite ridiculous the more you get to know them. It’s both relieving and concerning how much of a mess they really are.

Noticing the little signs telling you that Wine is overdoing it, and inviting him for a movie night, or a puzzle, or a game night. Anything to get that skele to sit his butt down for a while.

Helping Coffee learn how to do basic chores. While it’s surprising that he’s gone this long in life without learning, he’s quite the quick learner! Sure, his cooking isn’t always the best, and sometimes he shrinks a few items of clothing - but he’s not flooding anything so it’s a win in your book.

Painting and drawing with Coffee. He’s an amazing artist and always loves to see your work as well. Once close enough to him, you’ll find him sketching you as you go about your day. He always flushes when you catch him, hiding behind his sketchbook.

Imagine Wine placing a supportive hand on your back, or kissing your knuckles in greeting.

Imagine cuddles with Coffee, finding that he really likes it when you rub his back, if his loud purrs are anything to go by.

Imagine Wine making clothes or little wood trinkets for you. He always knows just what you’d like, and his work is never subpar.

Coffee openly joking with you, no stutter, just laughing and smiling with you happily.

You never catch him in the act, but you swear that sophisticated Wine is a little grease trap addict. You always find burger wrappers in the trash after he’s had a particularly stressful week. You’d genuinely surprise him if took him to a burger place. The surprise would quickly be replaced with a small smile.

Coffee asking you to stay with him at night because he gets nightmares.

Wine falling asleep on the couch with you, surprisingly quite the snuggle bug… and are those purrs? Yes, yes they are.

Coffee resting his head on your shoulder, and holding your hand in public.

Wine getting rid of a harasser with a simple glare as he subtly puts himself between you and the other person.

Coffee gifting you a beautiful painting on your birthday, flushing at how much you gush about loving it.

You and Wine torturing poor Coffee with the worst puns imaginable.

Coffee retaliating with harmless pranks.

Wine giving your shoulders a heavenly massage after a long day, leaning down to smugly ask if it feels good.

Butterflies and birds just randomly landing on Coffee when y’all are outside. You cant believe how relaxed they are in his presence, and apparently this is a normal thing for Coffee.

Gardening with Wine.

Playing video games with Coffee.

Wine blanching at the stray cat you and Coffee bring home, a rare scowl making it on his face as he refuses to have that thing in his house… but who’s caving at the sight of your puppy eyes? Fine. Just keep it out of his room.

Coffee and you quietly snickering as you observe Wine chatting with said kitty like they’re a person. Lecturing them on anything and everything. For someone who claims to hate animals, he warms up quickly.

Wine reminding you often of just how beautiful/handsome you are.

Reassuring Coffee that his braces add to his charm, and watching him flush and hide in his sweater when you call him handsome or pretty.

These bros are such a mess, but they would protect you at all costs. You’re their precious housemate and they couldn’t be happier that you came to live with them.

[peachyqueenly]

Speaking from what is strictly shown in canon do you think PV loved WL? Or at the very least do you think this is what the artist/writers, VAs, and developers were trying to convey? I know it’s a very common sentiment in the fanbase but let’s be honest, two cookies interact and at least half the fandom starts shipping them. Just goes to show how desperate the shippers are. Romantic and/or platonic I am curious to hear your thoughts on what was intentionally shown of their relationship in canon.

Okaaaaaaaay. So, to discuss this we're gonna need to discuss how Devsis handles romance in Cookie Run.

Romance in Cookie Run is almost purely subtextual and based on little signs and notes in the ways characters act/speak of one another/etc. As it's just not a focus of their writing; they aren't out to write a story where romance is at its center. The three most famous examples I'll use is Sea Fairy, RaspRose, and MintCocoa.

The only outright romantic relationship that is explicitly romantic is between Princess' parents: two npcs who are shown as romantic purely by virtue of being married.

Sea Fairy's feelings for the moon equaling her feelings for Moonlight is subtextually shown in various material: both in game but especially in content outside of the game. From the 'I Want You Everyday' music video, to merch such as a series of cups they made a while back where one of them featured those two. Moonlight's feelings are more vague (cause everything about her is vague), but the text is pretty clear in that Sea Fairy holds special feelings for Moonlight. We don't need a long confession that'd be out of place of CR writing to show this.

RaspRose and MintCocoa are similar to one another, where feelings are shown. Either one sided (as in RaspRose, where Rose's feelings are left vague), or mutual with MintCocoa. Neither of them have done things explicitly romantic or had a confession scene in game, but various sources show that there is a deeper meaning intended for their relationship...

Now to go back to the original question... do I think such subtext applies to Pure Vanilla's feelings for White Lily?

I think it is more complicated than the previous three in his case. We know the two were friends since childhood, even if they had a break. So them having a close relationship could easily be chocked up to that. Plus he cares a lot about his other friends. But other things, such as the Love Quiz Devsis put out that features art of Lily and of which there was also cut art of PV, as well as PV going the extra mile for Lily specifically (having an entire section of his home dedicated to her) suggests possible feelings. Plus the way Lily longs for Pure Vanilla could be read as romantic as well (her dialogue in the first chapters, the way her artbook description describes her longing, etc).

I'd say Pure Vanilla and even PureLily as a relationship is close if not similar to MintCocoa and RaspRose. It definitely, of all the relationships between the ancients, has the most canon basis behind it of all the ancients ships. Plus it being featured/hinted at in romance centered events similarly to RaspRose, MintCocoa, and Sea Fairy gives it credence. That doesn't make it the best ancient ship as that's subjective, but I find people turning their relationship unhealthy when it isn't in poor taste due to what I outlined above.

If you prefer to read their relationship as purely platonic/friendship? That's perfectly fine, I know people who do that with MintCocoa. I wanna stress that me pointing out how 'my ship has canon basis' (as I won't say I don't ship PureLily) isn't saying it's better than the other ancient ships (I mean hell my current passion is HollyLily for personal reasons). But I definitely can see how the subtext is there.

[izukillme-knbss]

we’ll be okay

pairing: aomomo fandom: kuroko no basuke genre: hurt/comfort. can be read as romantic or platonic--definitely big hints of a future romance but this is mostly just friendship with a sprinkling of ~true love~ setting: coffeeshop au, non-basketball au, childhood friends any tw: slight mentions of drug abuse, sex and alcohol abuse. it’s a line or two, not more than that and no explicit stuff dedication: @xoxomyseriesxoxo​ !!! HAPPY CHRISTMAS ELENAAA!! we don’t really know each other, but i think you’re amazing. i know this gift is suuuper late, i’m so so sorry about that! i really enjoyed writing it though, and i hope you enjoy reading it too. have a blessed holiday season and a wonderful year ahead. you deserve it and more!!

@knbsecretsanta

--

It’s a quiet morning at the cafe, as is usual on a Sunday in December. No students rushing to class, no youngsters on a ‘morning date’ because their days are too crammed to find any other time, and no aged regulars because it’s too cold for that. Daiki’s just leaning against the counter, half-asleep and looking forward to a proper nap instead of the accursed morning shift, when the bell tinkles and the door swings open, bringing a gust of cold air in with it.

Just my luck. He grumbles softly and straightens up, blinking a couple of times. Moving from months of practice, he’s already halfway through reciting the usual, “Welcome to Miracle’s, what can I get you today?” when his eyes finally focus on the vaguely pink blur and bring it into full resolution. 

Daiki’s voice grinds to a halt like a car running out of petrol, and his jaw drops open as he stares at the girl.

Long hair like a shower of cherry blossoms. Magenta eyes that if Daiki had to guess were normally alight with mischief, but now only hold a deep weariness. A full figure (and for the first time in his short twenty-two years of life, Daiki’s eyes don’t linger on it, too mesmerised by everything else about her). A small, distracted smile that seems more forced than anything.

She looks like shit. She’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

And he knows her.

“Close your mouth, Dai-chan, or you’ll catch flies,” is the first thing that Satsuki Momoi says to him, in the most drained voice he’s ever heard, after three years of radio silence.

“I--” It’s all Daiki can do not to fall over unconscious. “Satsuki--what the f--”

“Language, Dai-chan!” Her voice rises a little higher and the dullness of her face goes down a notch, and Daiki thinks he hears an echo of the happy high-school girl she used to be. “I see you haven’t changed one bit.” 

“I see you have,” Daiki says lamely after a pause that’s just a beat too long. There’s silence for a moment before Satsuki shakes her head and smiles, a little more genuine than before.

“Even your insults are as bad as ever.” Her lips are cracked, he notices a little dizzily. She never used to let them crack in high school. Always with the lip balms and care products.

A sharp pain in the back of his left calf, courtesy his coworker Izuki, reminds Daiki of where he is. Right. Coffee shop, barista and customer.

“Um. Anyway.” Daiki clears his throat, shaking his head. “What would you like to have today?”

“Black coffee. Strongest you’ve got.” At this, he can’t help raising an eyebrow. 

“You sure? In high school, you--”

“In high school, I was a kid.” Satsuki’s voice is terse and tight, and her eyes are unreadable, in a way they’ve never been before. A chill unrelated to the icy weather seeps into Daiki’s bones and numbs his tongue. “People change, Dai-chan.”

He has no answer to that, so he just avoids her dead gaze and walks to the back to make her coffee. There’s a sudden bitter taste in his mouth as he moves mechanically, working from muscle memory gained over months of practice. But that’s just the smell of caffeine.

Right?

When he finally looks up, she's wandered off to a table by the window, thumbing lazily through something on her phone. Daiki fights to keep his face polite and neutral, the way the world's taught him to be, as he calls, "Oi, Satsuki?" 

She starts, blinking a few times before getting up and coming over. Daiki holds out the cup to her, and pretends he doesn't notice when her fingers clamp briefly around his as she takes it. 

"That'll be 350 yen, including taxes." It feels like someone else is moving his mouth. For his past, Daiki is still stuck in the moment when she first walked into the shop, the most wonderful and most terrible moment of his life.

Satsuki puts the money on the desk and gives him that empty smile again.

“See you around, Dai-chan,” she says in a voice that makes him think she’s really saying, “Goodbye.” Then she turns to leave.

Daiki doesn’t know what makes him do it. But he does it anyway, like a fool that’s been hurt too many times and still refuses to learn from his mistakes.

“It was nice seeing you again.” He isn’t lying. It was nice, and that has nothing to do with the fact that it was also simultaneously horrible. “Swing by sometime. Not to brag, but I make a good coffee.” The smile she gives him then is real, if barely there, and Daiki thinks it might even be a bit watery.

“The Dai-chan I knew would never pass up an opportunity to brag. Guess you’ve changed, too.”

She’s gone before Daiki can even think, sweeping out in that quick and efficient fashion that is just so Satsuki.

There’s one thing that hasn’t changed at all.

A few moments pass. The gentle puff of chill in the air evaporates, and soon the faint tinkling of the door’s bell is the only sign that she was ever here. 

That tinkling pales before the sound of her laughter.

--

It’s Sunday, again. Daiki is on the morning shift and wiping down the counter, again. There are barely any customers, again. Now all that’s needed is for Satsuki to breeze in. Ha, what are the odds? Last time she spoke to him, she had this air of finality about her--

The bells tinkle, the door opens, and Daiki’s head snaps up pathetically fast, his hand stilling on the counter. It’s not hope that shrivels in his chest when he realises it isn’t her, because hope is for things that might happen and this won’t. It’s… it’s something. It isn’t anything.

He knows, surely, that that last bit is a lie. (That is, if all of it wasn’t.)

The new arrival is a young man with green hair, dressed in an orange shirt and dark jeans. He’s wearing glasses that surprisingly don’t hide the elegant shape of his eyes, fringed with thick dark lashes. A walking carrot if Daiki ever saw one. He’s got a serious face, which would be so pretty if his mouth wasn’t puckered in the unforgiving line that it is. Still, everyone has a type--Daiki himself likes people who smile brightly and laugh loudly and have a sense of humour with a razor edge.

That’s just Satsuki in a nutshell, but.

The man comes up to the counter, pushing up his glasses, and says in a voice as dry as his expression indicates, “I’m Midorima.”

Daiki eyes him doubtfully. It’s somewhat familiar--perhaps he’s one of Satsuki’s friends’ friends, people whose names Daiki half-heard and now wishes he’d taken the care to remember because every word that comes out of her mouth is a diamond and he’d left so many of those diamonds to glitter weakly in the dust.

“Shintarou Midorima,” says Midorima, a glint in his eyes that suggests he thinks this is helpful. It’s not helpful at all--Daiki can’t do much but raise an eyebrow.

“Daiki… Aomine,” he says slowly, because it seems like what he’s supposed to do next by ‘social mores’. Still, he doesn’t think the carrot is a master of those either, because he just nods and shifts awkwardly in position, not meeting Daiki’s eyes.

The break room’s door clicks open, and Daiki hears Takao’s easy steps behind him--ah, so he’s covering Izuki’s shift today. A small burst of relief flowers in Daiki’s chest: despite Takao’s overbearing exuberance and Izuki’s constant puns, both his coworkers are usually very easy to work with. However, taking shifts with Izuki in the mornings… Daiki’s calf still twinges from that unnecessarily harsh kick last week. He wouldn’t believe Izuki worked at a coffee shop, much less liked coffee, if he hadn’t seen the guy murderously chug a gallon of the stuff like water and immediately revert to his normal personality. 

There’s a beat of silence instead of Takao’s usual cheerful voice. Then it rings out, loud and happier than Daiki’s ever heard him.

“Shiiiin-chan!” Takao runs out from behind the counter, jumping straight onto Midorima, who makes a resigned noise and catches him easily. Like he’s used to it. 

“Oh, Aomine, this is my boyfriend,” Takao informs Daiki, who can’t help an amused smile. “Shin-chan.”

“Midorima,” Midorima says a little too quickly, as if afraid Daiki will call him ‘Shin-chan’ too. Daiki nods, lets the briefest of polite smiles brush his lips.

“Don’t worry about us, Aomine! We’ll just be over here!” Takao sings, dragging Midorima off to the bathroom.

“Come back in case there’s a rush,” Daiki drawls half-heartedly, and goes back to polishing the counter. A few minutes pass, maybe more; he’s too busy scrubbing at a particularly stubborn stain to know. Then the bells tinkle, the door whooshes open, and he looks up, ready to welcome the next customer--

“Hi again,” Satsuki says, her cheeks pink from cold. “You were right. You do make a good coffee.”

“...hi,” Daiki stutters, blinking. “Thought you said--”

No. She didn’t say anything, shut up, she’s here and that’s enough.

“Said?” She frowns at him, and Daiki shakes his head.

“No, it’s nothing. Black coffee again?”

“Yes, please. 350 yen?”

“Mmm,” Daiki hums in response as he makes the coffee. Instead of going to a table, though, Satsuki puts her elbows on the counter and watches him. It makes him feel weirdly conscious, but he’s made enough black coffees to do it on autopilot.

“One black coffee for the madam,” he says, a bit of the snark he’d had in high school returning to his tone as he places it in front of her. Satsuki hands him the money, and the spot where their fingers touch burns. 

“Thanks, Dai-chan.” Today, Daiki notices, her smile is a little more real and her voice is a little less tired and her eyes are a touch brighter.

“No problem,” he says quickly. “See you around?”

“Yeah.” Satsuki’s eyes are warm as she looks at him. Then she’s gone, just as much of a whirlwind as the first time. But now, things are a little different.

Now, it isn’t Sayonara, but Ja ne.

--

The third week rolls around, and Daiki actually volunteers for the morning shift in place of Izuki, who gives him a relieved look. Takao just smirks and giggles. When Satsuki comes in at ten past nine, just like she did the last two times, her coffee’s already waiting. 

“Here you go,” Daiki says with a grin. 

“Thanks, Dai-chan!” 

“Also, my shift ends in an hour if you’re free today.” He says it entirely on impulse and regrets it the second it’s out of his mouth. But Satsuki’s eyes just sparkle, and though they’re dimmer than they used to be, Daiki still finds himself enthralled.

“Oh?” Her lips curve up into the ghost of a mischievous smile, and Daiki aches. “Whatever for, Dai-chan?”

“Just…” Daiki’s cheeks grow hot. “I don’t know. It’s been three years. We should talk. I… I missed you.”

A beat of silence. Two. Three. Then Satsuki nods rapidly, her face paling in the way it always does when she’s taken by surprise.

“I…” Her words come out normal, but there’s a hint of strain that Daiki only hears because he’s known her forever. “I have to finish a paper, but there's not too much left. I can stay here and do it.”

“Great.” Daiki’s proud of the fact that his voice doesn’t waver. “If you need extra coffee, let me know. On the house.” Satsuki grins, a shadow of what she used to be. 

“I’ll take you up on that one.”

She turns around, eyes on the table she sat at last time. And as she sweeps off towards it, Daiki swears he heard her whisper, “I missed you too, Dai-chan.”

--

Once they start talking, they don’t stop. There’s so much to catch up on: college (Daiki finished a year ago, Satsuki has a year left), work (Satsuki’s looking at a business degree, while Daiki’s in sports medicine. She’d originally wanted to do law, so that’s surprising), life in general. 

Being with Satsuki is easy. It’s something he doesn’t have to think about. She’s the rush of fresh air that enters your lungs after a hard run, something you didn’t know you needed until you didn’t have it anymore. Daiki falls into a practiced rhythm of banter and laughter with her, in and out, in and out, just like breathing.

She shows up on Monday, and Tuesday, and Wednesday and Thursday too, and Daiki doesn’t know when he starts expecting her to be there by ten past nine, doesn’t know when he starts brewing black coffee and volunteering for morning slots, doesn’t know when he starts waiting for the end of his Sunday shift just to take that one-hour walk with her and chat. Satsuki fills her place in his life as she’s always done, covering the gaping hole she tore in him like she never left.

In some ways, she hasn’t.

Being with Satsuki is easy, but it’s also hard. It’s hard because her eyes are always faraway, her lips are pursed and her brows are drawn with invisible tension. She’s not here even when she is, and it hurts.

Daiki knows it’s stupid to expect her to be the girl she was once. He knows she’s grown up. But growing up shouldn’t come with the amount of pain and… and whatever else it is that she carries on her slender shoulders now. Satsuki was made to live, not just survive. It bothers Daiki more than he’ll ever admit: enough that on one of their Sunday walks, he finally bites the bullet.

“What happened?”

“...happened?” Satsuki tilts her head, adorably confused.

“You…” Daiki flounders for words. “You changed.”

“Dai-chan, I’m not a little girl anymore. You changed too. You’re a lot politer.”

“You’re really gonna make me say it?” Worry takes the place of awkwardness, and Daiki suddenly finds himself… not confident, but ready to confront this. “You know, Satsuki. You’re hurting. What happened to you?”

“Dai-chan…” She sighs, looks away. “Nothing happened. Adults hurt.”

“No, they don’t.” Daiki catches her shoulder and turns her around to face him. “Not… not the way you are. Something happened, didn’t it? Satsuki, please, talk to me.” His voice cracks a little on the last word, but he couldn’t care less about looking bad in front of her. She was around before he ever looked good at all.

“I--” Satsuki’s face crumples, like a chilled tin can that just had hot water poured on it, and there are tiny stars on her eyelashes. “Dai-chan, please, I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“No, Satsuki, please. Whoever did this to you, I won’t try to commit homicide,” Daiki says, half a joke in his voice. “Can’t promise I won’t think about it, though.”

“So…” She sounds ragged and hollow. “So you’re going to think about killing me, then. Might as well do it. It’s as much as I deserve.” Daiki’s world slows and stops.

What?

He says as much, spluttering, “Satsuki--wh--”

“That’s why I lost contact,” she says, her wet eyes gazing at something he can’t see. “I… I did stuff in my early years of college that I’m not proud of, Dai-chan. I fucked up so bad… I didn’t switch courses because I wanted to. I flunked out of law and--”

The tears, gathered like diamonds in her eyes, start to fall. Daiki cups her face in his hands and wipes them away with his thumbs as best he can. Satsuki looks up at him, a mess of pain and guilt and anger, and Daiki keeps his expression as open as he can. It’s what she needs right now.

“Go on.” Even he’s surprised at how tender he sounds. “I’m here for you.” Satsuki pulls his hands away from her cheeks and sniffles.

“All of those ‘college vices’, all at once. It’s okay in moderation--you’ve done your fair share of those things, I’m sure,”--and she’s right--“but Dai-chan, I overdid it. A party every night, a new someone in my bed when I woke up each morning. I even ended up with an addiction.” More tears, which she wipes at in futility. “I missed you and home and everyone. But I didn’t dare tell you because I was so scared, Dai-chan. I didn’t want you to hate me. When Mom and Dad found out, they cut me off. And I can’t even blame them or anyone else, because--look at me! I barely sleep, I eat too much, I have nightmares every day and I’m doing something I hate more than anything.”

Daiki doesn’t think words will work here, so he just pulls her in, close to his chest. Satsuki sobs and shakes in his embrace, her head against his sternum, crying her heart out.

“Are you disappointed in me, Dai-chan?” Her voice is small, and it comes out broken between sobs. Daiki pauses for a second before shaking his head.

“No. We fuck up sometimes. It’s okay.”

He doesn’t know if it’s the right thing to say, but Satsuki’s arms tighten around him and she stops shaking, so he thinks it just might be.

“It’s okay,” he repeats, stroking her hair. “You’re okay.”

“I’ll be okay?” Satsuki whispers.

“Yeah,” Daiki says, and means it. He doesn’t know where he’ll start with helping her, how things will go, but… “As long as we’re together. Just… stay.”

“I’ll stay.” Satsuki exhales into his shoulder. “I’ll stay, Dai-chan.”

“Then we’ll be okay.”

“We?” The confusion in her tone is palpable, but there’s also a tinge of hope at the very end. Daiki doesn’t say anything, just holds her closer and affirms that hope. 

It could be a long road, but that road isn’t too long for them to travel together. Nothing is too much for Daiki and Satsuki, not when they’re together, because they’re Daiki-and-Satsuki again.

And that’s why they’ll be okay. 

[mindareadsoots]

So. Peridot.

sigh, this is gonna be a mess.

So, in case you hadn’t heard, Maya Petersen said on twitter this morning that Peridot is aro/ace according to “Word of St Paul”

My opinion, honestly, is that it’s not really evident in the show so you can headcanon Peridot however you want, and that could be the end of the post right there. Full stop.

As for Lapidot, I don’t see how this post changes anything. Lapis is also adverse to fusion, so accepting that Peridot is aro/ace doesn’t even change their dynamic all that much (although put a pin in that for later, because we’re going to have to come back to that). And anyways, Word of God can not and does not stop people from shipping things.

But much like Peridot’s character development, ending things there would be abrupt and unsatisfying, so we’re going to go deeper than that.

Asexuality and Fusion

The big elephant in the room that I want to get out of the way first is that I don’t have a problem with Peridot being aro/ace. There’s some evidence for it (and some against it, but we’ll get to that later), and overall I like it as a character beat for her. It’s a fairly rare bit of representation, so it’s nice to see.

However, I have a HUGE problem with them tying asexuality to Peridot’s disinterest in fusion.

Fusion has always been much more than an analogue for sex. If it wasn’t, then we’d be talking about how Steven and Connie are too young for fusion, and Steg is incestuous. And we don’t want to go down that road. That’s a dumb road.

Fusion can represent loving (Garnet), platonic (Smoky Quartz), or familial relationships (Steg). It can represent budding relationships (Stevonnie) or alliances of convenience (Bluebird Azerite).

Fusion is a versatile metaphor, but it’s that very versatility that works against it when connecting it to asexuality. Because now you’re basically saying that aro/ace people can’t have any meaningful relationships, and that’s clearly not the message that they want to send with Peridot. This could be cleared up if Peridot’s stance on fusion and what it means for her relationships with others was actually examined in the show, but it hasn’t been.

Word of God vs The Work Itself

So is Peridot a good representation of asexuality within the show itself?

On the whole? Maybe, but at best it’s unclear.

That’s why I can’t say whether or not Peridot discovering her asexuality is a good or satisfying character beat in the show. It’s not in the show at all! If you’re looking for representation, we can do better than this. This show has done better than this.

The only scene you can really point to where Peridot shows an aversion to fusion is in Log Date, when Garnet offers to show Peridot what fusion is like with a firsthand experience. 

This moment later got a callback in one of the children’s books talking about fusion, complete with the alien boxers she wore in that same episode.

The problem is that this scene happens very, VERY early on in Peridot’s character development. Log Date was a flashback episode to before Message Received, so Peridot still considered herself loyal to Homeworld at that point. That whole scene - indeed, that whole episode - was about Peridot experimenting and learning how to be more than just a tool for Homeworld. She didn’t have her meep morps yet. She didn’t have her metal powers yet. 

In fact, after Too Short to Ride came out, I remember seeing speculation that Peridot was afraid that she couldn’t fuse and so she broke off with Garnet out of embarrassment.

More importantly, it would have been wrong for Peridot to fuse right at that moment, regardless of her sexuality. She was still getting to know the Crystal Gems. She didn’t have an established relationship with Garnet or really anybody in the cast at that point, so seeing her fuse then would have been meaningless. The scene very clearly set up fusion as something for Peridot to explore later, once she has found somebody who she is ready to fuse with.

And shortly after that episode, Peridot would meet...

Lapis

Let’s call a spade a spade. The real reason why people are upset about Peridot being labeled ace is because of Lapidot, and I think that’s a perfectly valid reaction. It isn’t ace-phobia or erasure to say, “Word of God tried to sink my ship, and I don’t like it.”

I’m not going to go through all of the moments hinting at a romantic interest between Lapis and Peridot, but, ya know...

They’re there.

And they were clearly put there on purpose, as expressed by storyboarder Jesse Zuke back when they were working on the show. 

In truth, I’m not interested in re-litigating whether or not their relationship actually became a true romance, because it’s irrelevant. Either way, the most important relationship the two of them had was with each other. Peridot being ace doesn’t take way from that, but it does leave Lapis in an awkward spot in one specific way.

As I mentioned at the top of the post, Lapis has displayed an aversion to fusion, which could make her perfectly compatible with an aro/ace Peridot. However, there’s one very important difference. Unlike Peridot, who came into her asexuality from thoughtful introspection (or so we’ve been told) Lapis’s problem with fusion comes from a traumatic experience. She isn’t aromantic by choice, it’s a wound that’s still fresh.

So - and again, this question applies whether you ship Lapidot romantically or not - if Lapis is working through the trauma of a bad fusion experience, but the character she’s closest to doesn’t want to fuse, then where does that leave her?

This comes back to that first big problem with the tweet, which is that this shouldn’t be a problem. There is no reason why Peridot can’t have a platonic fusion with Lapis while being aro/ace, but it’s clearly not going to happen in SUF, and it doesn’t sound like it’s going to happen ever.

There are other candidates, of course. Lapis also has a very close and trusting friendship with Steven, she seems to be getting along well with Bismuth in the limited time we’ve seen them together, and in Why So Blue, she even made a potential new friend in fellow Lapis “Freckles” Lazuli. 

But even so, the most on screen relationship development she’s gotten has been with Peridot, and now that character development is just kind of in limbo.

In Conclusion

I don’t really have a conclusion.

I just wanted to convey that this whole situation is kind of a hot mess.

I really would like to see more aro/ace representation, and if any character in SU was going to get that label, then Peridot would be a good candidate, but this was just a bad way to get there.

It’d be one thing if we actually had an episode about Peridot exploring her asexuality. Then we could actually judge how well it plays out. Now it’s just sort of vaguely unsatisfying and it’s left a lot of people arguing about what they think it means for Peridot and the characters around her.

That’s almost certainly intentional on the part of the writers. The crew has said that they don’t want to lock down any canon ships (besides Garnet, obviously) because they don’t want to ruin headcanons. And the whole point of the episode Little Graduation was that Steven (and by extension, the audience) is not necessarily privy to every character development that happens off-screen, but you can’t say that, and then also put your thumb on the scale with tweets like this.

Honestly, I’m expecting the followup tweet any minute now of, “Don’t harass people for shipping/not shipping Peridot,” because tweeting out character details after the fact is just kicking the hornet’s nest. Maybe we’ll get a graphic novel or something where Peridot outlines what fusion means to her, but until then, let people ship what they want, and be good to each other.

[cutegirlmayra]

#NotAPrompt saddly:( Anyways hello hope ur having a good! So from an amazing writer to your fellow beginner writer. How do you organize ur ideas or outline it before you start a sonamy story?

Thank you and great question!~

When you start any story, there needs to be a written Outline, or spine, of a story. Loglines also help to organize a clear direction for your story– example: Sonic, a free-spirited and adventurous hedgehog, and his friends must collect all 7 chaos emeralds to stop Eggman and a released, ancient god of destruction from threatening their world. - Logline I made up for Sonic Adventure. A logline is one sentence that clearly establishes a character and conflict.

Once you have some ideas, let’s say maybe you have the middle worked out or the exciting incident, you then create an Outline. Act 1, Act 2, Act 3. Act 2 should be the longest and biggest portion.

In my prompts, I usually hurry through Act 1 to get you to the exciting incident and then smoothly transition through a wrapped up conclusion.

Act 1 should be small, almost equal to Act 3′s plot points. Act 1 is you introducing the normal life before something twists it around, the conflict. The conflict is the starting point to Act 2, where you begin the rising action.

(the most simplest form. There are other arcs, such as ‘Character Obstacles’, ‘Character Tragedy’, and ‘Character Hero Story’. There are a few more too, but those are the ones I write the most of :)b There’s even a romantic one! Look them up and find your favorites in your own stories, comics, or movies ;)b)

For example, in my lastest Sonamy story, the turning point for the characters was when Amy also got sick with Sonic. This changed the normality which was that Sonic was originally sick, and now, the conflict begins of how are they gonna hide from the robots while both being squished together sharing leaves and turning ditzy in their sickness? I then lead that to Act 3, where silliness does ensue but they end up having a memorable, although disgustingly funny, platonic moment together that turned sweeter and even romantic as the conclusion unfolded. (Prompt: x)

Granted, this story is NOT a work of art haha XD I was inspired to make it, but the plot to it was extremely simple, which is why no real ‘action’ takes place and it’s all character emotion that drive the plot forward.

OR

OR

Many ways a character can express or subtly hint at their emotions. Sometimes they’re impulsive and transparent, wearing their hearts on their sleeves. (AMY) Sometimes their shy or subtle, opting to mask their emotions deep below the surface until they can’t help but ‘leak’ their emotions out during the climactic reveal and ‘breaking point’ for their character or plot summary. (Sonic.) Sometimes their so out of it, or not even in tune with their own emotions that they play them off and go cynical with it all. (Sometimes, I see this as Classic Sonic, but not always.), there are many more. Find them all! lol

As for my bigger fanfictions, I do make a summary, which is the full story condensed into a page or so worth of ‘notes’ as I refer to them. It’s not as neat as labeling Act 1-3, but it does give me a basic outline.

For Example, you can’t use your summary outline for your summary to your story. Your summary should have the reader asking questions so they’ll want to engage with the story. Instead, your Summary Outline should look like this:

Sonic and Amy, during a normal fight with Eggman, suddenly mention a tough topic for the both of them that causes some bickering and tension. When the tension accelerates beyond normal teasing, the two end up accidentally losing their tempers and hurting each other. Eggman, deciding drama’s not what he wanted today, sends a fully-armed attack at them while their distracted, thinking it a good opportunity to catch Sonic off-guard. However, though Sonic looks like he’s about to get whammed by the ambush, Amy pushes him out of the way and they survive. Amazed, Sonic rushes over to her, “Amy! W-why… Why did you jump in the way like that? I don’t get it… Weren’t you mad?” He hovers over her as she weakly squints an eye up at him (NOTE: This part is getting more detailed, can you tell? It’s the climax of the story and should have much more detail and notes going on. Even dialogue that can be rewritten or changed. It’s okay to have notes like this for your most dramatic scene, and keep the rest of it generally swift, but try not to go too vague. If you do, you may forget how you wanted to write that part, and that’s NO GOOD! -Sonic reference, lol!) “S-Sonic… Don’t you understand?!” She wobbly gets up to lean up into his face, “No matter how mad you may make me, or how awful our bantering gets, I will still love you no matter what!” (Exciting Incident, Amy’s confession, which will lead to a reaction in not only Sonic but the audience. This is the height of the climax and when things start to go down, but Sonic’s climax is right after this– example: ) Sonic, taken back by her words, suddenly smiles, “I can do no wrong by you… can I?” Amy smiles, and when Sonic realizes she’s not teasing or messing around this time, loses the smile and has his eyes scan her for any sign of humor. When none is found, he embraces her, “…Thank you… Amy.” (This is the point you begin the falling action, which is also the beginning of Act 3, which starts at the ending of the climax and continues towards the resolution, the lasting effect or result of the climax. What has now changed for the characters? What is their new reality? In Drama, there needs to be a few players: Victim, Villian, and Rescuer. Rescuer has to lose every time, then the dynamic will change to Victim as a Villain, and Villian as Victim. This then turns into ‘Creator of the drama’ which is neither victim nor villain, to two supports, ‘Challenger’ Sonic then turns to Eggman, cocky and snarky as usual, but this time, with an arm around Amy’s shoulders. They fight together and beat Eggman, still lightly joking with one another, but not as bad as before. Eggman is confused, defeated, he asks what happened. Amy and Sonic confidently look to each other, and together, wink slyly and say, “Friends fight together!” Before Sonic says, “Doesn’t mean they’ll leave ya if you have different opinions then them.” He smiles to her as she nods and continues his sentence for him, looking to him with love and admiration. “It just means you’re two different people, and that’s just fine by me! Otherwise, the world would be so boring!” (The lesson is usually delivered towards the end of Act 3, maybe not as strongly as this was. Sometimes, the lesson can be subtle and should be too. You don’t want to write ‘on the nose’ unless you’re writing for children very young, but in my opinion, Children are super smart too and pick up on a lot! My advice is to write strongly and powerfully even if it’s just for children audiences. They’re smarter than you think!) “And dull!” Sonic remarks, as the two of them laugh. Unable to comprehend their strange mood swings, Eggman grips his head and ducks down, frowning profusely, “Ahh… Now I have a headache…” (

And by the end, your audience will have understood the climb your characters took to reach that resolution, and they–themselves–reach a conclusion to their emotional relief. (People hate cliffhangers so much because you leave the Audience suspended in their need for closure, but that also addicts them to your story… so Authors can’t help but use it XD But we hate having it used on ourselves!!! Curiosity doesn’t kill your story, only your cat! And the satisfaction of knowing brings it back ;)b)

Was it hard for your characters to reach a conclusion?

Did that help? Lol This plot I made was rather simple, but I hope it taught it some stuff I like to think about when making a story! :D Drama is SO IMPORTANT! Remember to think of their character cores as well, what traits could create conflict in them and in others? What traits could help them learn and cope through that trauma? These are all important, and Romance usually has a ‘revelation’ or ‘impulsive excitement push’ around 10-15 pages/minutes when writing or watching a romance plot. I call it the ‘push’ because you can tell the writer is trying to nudge the two together. In film, you see them get bumped up against each other and then apologize but the girl moves her hair as a distraction and the boy looks away, but both are nervous and awkwardly blushing. That’s another ‘push’ in my book towards the romantic subplot.)

(Then they notice their cute, they keep seeing each other, la-de-dah, even AMY wanted this to happen!)

(Remember, this is Amy’s ‘day-dream’ sequence, it’s interesting how she thinks of Sonic, versus how he actually portrays himself. Useful info for writing Sonamy XD)

Alright! How’d I do? What Sonic and Amy stories will you create, my precious Anon friend? Good luck! And I can’t wait to see the success you find!

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

1)I was impressed from your answer to the other anon about zhan so I decided to ask a question about this topic. Zhan looks to me like a guy that will have a "normal" life like falling for a girl and starting a family with her. Do you think it was hard for him to leave this idea aside and fall for jian? At what moment he was like "i like him too it's mutual" I also wanted to ask about jian sexually because zhang was the only guy jian ever showed interest in and he rejected the idea of him being

Good evening, dear anon-san!

“I was impressed from your answer to the other anon about zhan”

You must be talking about this ask about the possibility of Zhan Zheng Xi being quoiromantic. It introduced a really interesting perspective and offered me a chance to learn something new and get some food for thought. Probably for you, too. I’m glad to hear you enjoyed the answer, thank you!

“Do you think it was hard for him to leave this idea aside and fall for jian?”

I share your idea and the mental image of seeing ZZX as the one out of the four to most likely have a girlfriend, get married, and start a family. To have a “normal” life and future, for the lack of a better word. I always had that feeling mostly because his family seems to be the most ordinary. No absent parents, no connections to the underworld, no great tragedies or traumas. I don’t mean to sound like you would have to have something bad happen to you to “turn” you gay etc. More like he just always struck me as a character who would end up with an ordinary job and a wife and kids.

However, I’m not sure if ZZX was really seeing his future quite that way even prior to Jian Yi’s confession. I know ZZX is very mature for his age, but would a 15-year-old boy plan his future in such a serious way? I think, as any middle school boy, he found girls, crushes, and romance quite bothersome (ch. 51 and 102):

He just probably wanted to spend his days going to school, playing video games and basketball, reading his favorite comics, and hanging out with his best friend. Girls and romance were complicated and put him on a spot.

But I suppose you meant that more in the sense of going against the norm in general. I don’t know if ZZX had been planning/expecting/dreaming to have a normal life with a wife and kids but I do believe he very much identified as a heterosexual. And I most definitely believe finding out about JY’s feelings for him and later about his own feelings for JY must have become as a shock and required him to figure himself out again. He might not have been planning to have a wife and kids in so many words but to reach his resolve regarding JY’s confession he must have had to give his future a serious thought. And to realize he might have to give up those “normal” things was probably difficult despite the fact that his love for JY was gaining a new kind of tone.

But instead of thinking there’s some “normal” direction in life that he has to follow, I think ZZX puts more emphasis on making sure his romantic relationship is loving and caring. That comes across by the way he turned down Xiao Hui and how he acts around his younger sister (ch. 159 and 262):

When it comes to both platonic and romantic love, ZZX is serious-minded, loyal, in it for the long haul, protective, and caring. That’s the kind of brother, friend, and partner he wants to be and grow into. Of course, being in a same-sex relationship wasn’t most probably ZZX’s first idea for his future but “normal” wasn’t as important as being with someone who couldn’t be replaced. If he wasn’t thinking so far ahead already, he might have accepted XH’s confession. I mean, what teenage boy wouldn’t want to have a girlfriend even if they didn’t have the first clue about love?

So, in short, I don’t think falling in love with JY was so much about leaving the path of normal in ZZX’s mind as it was about finding what he wanted in a surprising and somewhat shocking direction.

“At what moment he was like "i like him too it's mutual"”

Personally, I see two turning points in how Zhanyi progressed: “do you like men?” and “do you like me?”. In my head, they divide their story and ZZX’s character development into three segments.

The time before JY kissed ZZX JY’s love had been unrequited for a long time, but he hadn’t been fully hiding his affections. He jokingly clung to ZZX and often sneaked physical contact and made mischevious, half-serious passes at him. It was a strange mix of joking around but being serious at the same time. And a lot of the pull of the story in the early days was based on the thrill that we as readers knew about JY’s feelings.

As far as we know, ZZX didn’t know about JY being in love with him but...I don’t think he was completely oblivious, either. I’m not talking about him just getting ragingly embarrassed whenever JY clung to him but rather him being aware of JY’s feelings in a more serious and specific way at least on some level. Two instances especially come to mind.

When ZZX took JY to mountain climbing on his birthday because - and I quote - there was “a place he had always wanted to bring JY to”. As typical as it is for teenage boys to say such things to each other, I’m even more interested in the little moment they had about making wishes to the stars (ch. 113):

According to ZZX, one has to keep the wish in their heart for it to come true, but JY wanted to try to guess ZZX’s wish through his palm. First of all, the chapter ends after that panel with ZZX asking “Did you guess it?”. The question was highlighted by appearing on a blank white background on its own which suggests it wasn’t ZZX just simply asking. Was his wish perhaps something along the lines of always being together with JY?

Another thing that always catches my imagination about that panel is that it also looks like JY is trying to teleport his own wishes over to ZZX. He wants to voice his wish (confession, feelings) but it’s scary for various reasons. So, he sneaks yet another moment of physical connection (and quite tender at that) with ZZX and perhaps has a little moment for himself imagining and dreaming what it would be like.

The first sign that ZZX might be aware of JY’s feelings is immediately followed by another in the next chapter when they’re on their way back home. Before they part ways JY calls for ZZX and begins to say something to him (ch. 114):

To us, of course, it was clear he wanted to say something. Perhaps something along the lines of “what would you say/how would you feel if I told you I like you?”. Whatever he wanted to say he came close to saying it but changed his mind. But did ZZX also catch something? Because his reply was somewhat interesting:

I don’t think he meant it as merely “I’ll wait for you at the station tomorrow”. I’m sure he didn’t know what was bugging JY exactly but it was something and clearly meant a lot to him. And he wanted JY to able to confide in him because as far as ZZX was concerned, they were the kinds of friends who wouldn’t have to keep secrets from each other. But he didn’t want to pressure JY either. “Whatever it is, I’ll wait for you until you’re ready.”

Could all of that hint that he had a feeling, an inkling, something, about what might have been on JY’s mind?

“Do you like men?” and JY’s sexualityThese two themes intertwine, so I’m going to give you my two cents about JY’s possible orientation at the same time. Let’s start with JY. You didn’t make any direct suggestions but mentioned him only being attracted to ZZX but also rejecting the idea of liking men in general (ch. 142):

Personally, I interpret JY as a budding homosexual despite what he said to ZZX. I don’t see his words so much as a rejection of the idea as ZZX just asking him the wrong questions. The kiss wasn’t about JY liking guys (and coming out to ZZX) but him liking ZZX.

We haven’t seen JY being attracted to guys in general, but I think he’s very much still figuring out his sexuality despite his feelings for ZZX. Even if he had been in love with ZZX forever he was still scared and unsure. It seems that his feelings for ZZX and ZZX later returning them have both confused JY and taught him new things about himself (ch. 143 and 187):

Then again, there have been a couple of times when being attracted to guys in general has been brought up regarding JY’s character (ch. 108 and 122):

But I would read these moments as JY being a typical teenage boy. As a 15-year-old boy having a secret crush for your best friend, you wouldn’t probably be open about what or who you like. Especially, to another guy. I’m sure he’s more than aware of the risk that kind of confession would mean. Not only confessing his feelings for ZZX could go horribly wrong but people knowing about him could (and probably would) attract discrimination. Some time ago I answered another ask about homophobia in 19 Days if you want to read more about this topic, but overall I think JY denied He Tian’s playful suggestions because they’re teenagers and boys.

Overall, I think Zhanyi is very much a coming-of-age story and deals with identity-related themes. That entails a lot of vagueness, confusion, reflection, and hazy, ever-developing feelings. I don’t think it would be impossible for JY to identify as a homosexual after the turmoil of his teenage years.

But let’s get back to ZZX and what that moment in the rain meant for him. The kiss flipped their relationship upside-down in ZZX’s head. It wasn’t the usual case of JY just being an idiot and messing around; he couldn’t just get embarrassed-mad at JY or otherwise brush it off. He was shocked and confused but above all, he saw his lifelong best friend crying and being so scared ZZX would abandon him in disgust.

ZZX realized that despite all the years they had been best friends there had been this huge part in JY he hadn’t known about. In my mind, the first initial revelation marks the second segment in their story. Suddenly, ZZX was in a situation in which he had to figure out and build their relationship from the start in his head. He saw his childhood friend in a completely new and strange light (ch. 151):

There’s always been one thing I’m a bit confused about when it comes to the time after the kiss but before JY’s final confession. ZZX asked JY multiple times about what he was really thinking and feeling (ch. 147, 150, 152, and 153):

Did he just want JY to be honest with him? Open up and trust him? Or was distressed by the idea of not knowing about and understanding something this fundamental about his best friend? Did JY hiding things make ZZX uneasy because it proved their connection wasn’t 100% and he didn’t really know JY after all? I’ve always struggled to understand what the questions were all about. But I suppose it fits ZZX’s character that prefers to be straightforward and not have secrets that could lead to misunderstandings. From his point of view, I guess the situation was also a bit unfair. He saw clearly that JY was suffering because of him but he didn’t let ZZX help either by allowing them both to be on the same page.

ZZX was trying to be considerate and supportive but he wasn’t ready to jump fully on board with JY’s feelings. Especially, since he felt like he didn’t have all the answers yet. However, him being understanding but hesitant seemed to cause JY more pain, and it was a bit of an emotional limbo for both of them.

“Do you like me?” and ZZX’s resolveZZX came the closest to losing JY for good when he was kidnapped the second time. And this time around he had been even more helpless than when He Cheng had come for JY. I think all of that helped ZZX in reaching a resolve regarding his feelings for JY. Somewhere along the way, JY had become someone who couldn’t be replaced in more ways than just friends. And the thought of not having JY in his life both scared him but also made him realize the romantic feelings were mutual. Perhaps they had always been there - lying dormant or mixed in with his more platonic feelings.

I see this resolve being a noticeable change in ZZX’s character. He matured, adapted this new level of responsibility and seriousness of returning JY’s feelings and wanting to protect him. Overall, he was on a much firmer footing again - or, as JY put it, he leveled up. By making up his own mind and acting more confident he could now ask JY to give him his answers, too (ch. 206 and 207 and 209):

For ZZX, the feelings were already mutual when JY officially confessed. His answer wasn’t “me, too” but “I know”. When ZZX kissed JY’s forehead I saw them becoming canon. ZZX still needs time to get used to it all but he did accept and return JY’s feelings and made a promise of sorts that JY did have a future with him. And this marks the third segment of their story. Now they can start figuring out this new aspect of their relationship.

Phew.

This was the first more comprehensive question and answer I’ve done about Zhanyi. It was nice and refreshing to talk about them for a change! So, thank you very much for giving me this chance. I never thought I’d have to this much to say about them. I hope I managed to answer your question to your satisfaction!

PS: Also, thank you for your concern and consideration. It warmed my heart, and I appreciate it!

[demonsonthemoon]

We Shall Rule - Chapter 2

Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe Pairing: Platonic Bucky Barnes/Clint Barton, background Jessica Drew/Natasha Romanoff Word Count: 3953 Summary: Bucky Barnes is slowly recovering from trauma and trying to start a having a normal life once more. Then he meets Clint, a new variable that intrigues him in a way he can’t quite name. This is a story of people learning to know each others and themselves, navigating identity and relationships, overcoming trauma and trust issues. It’s a story about life. Note: Written for #AggressivelyArospecWeek 2017 over at @aggressivelyarospec.  Currently a work in progress, so I’ll post the first two chapters during the week, and then I’ll try to post one chapter a month.

Also available on AO3.

Bucky didn't call Clint.

It wasn't because he didn't want to. He did. He just didn't know why he wanted to. He couldn't understand why the guy had caught his attention, and didn't want to act without a reason.

He tried to just ignore the night altogether, but his brain had a habit of not listening once it had latched onto something.

He did some research in the meantime, trying to get a better grasp on what aromanticism entailed since it seemed to be an important subject to Clint. His first intuition was confirmed when he saw that aromanticism was defined as a total lack of romantic attraction, no matter a person's gender. He also quickly realized what Clint had meant when talking about an “aromantic spectrum”, and looked up a few more identities that belonged in the arospec category. He was especially interested after finding an article that defined amatonormativity, the way society as a whole saw romantic love as inherent to human nature and as a compulsory necessity. It was nice to be confronted to a worldview he hadn't known he had held and to be forced to put it into question.

He hadn't really thought about romance since his injury, too busy getting himself to function again, then getting himself to a state he could adequately call “better”. But he realized that a part of him had expected him to start focusing on it again at some point, like it was something he had to do. Of course doing research didn't help put Clint out of his mind. It also didn't help the morbid quality that his fixation on the man was taking on. Bucky felt conflicted, feeling like this need to understand the man was only strengthening the idea he had of him as other, as a curiosity more than a human being. And so Bucky didn't call.

But one day he got a text.

He still hadn't been cleared for work after his injury, and so his days were filled with a lot of nothing interspaced with bouts of therapy, both physical and psychological. This meant that he was very quick to jump onto the distraction that his phone offered and see who was contacting him.

The fact that Clint's named was brightly displayed on his home screen came as a surprise though.

For a second, he considered not reading the message. He felt like he was in highschool again, weighing the consequences of each of his actions as if they would have an immeasurable impact on the rest of his life.

His muscles tensed up.

Then he finally opened the text.

Hi :) would you like to get a coffee or smthg some time this week?? my friends say I need to get out of the house

Bucky considered his options. This was an opening. An excuse to act and not have to blame it on himself. He wondered whether he should just admit that he didn't really have anything to do all week, thought about whether it would seem desperate or not. Realized that he was once more acting like this was his last year of high school all over again.

I'm free today if that's okay 4 u?

It was three o'clock on a Thursday. Hopefully Clint wouldn't ask any invasive question about his schedule.

In an hour downtown at the Falcon?

Bucky thought about it. He could vaguely picture where the coffee shop was situated, but was surprised that Clint would suggest it.

Weren't you supposed to be broke??

He only had to wait a few seconds for the answer.

Barista on duty today owes me a favor :))))

Bucky smiled, without thinking about it. He started twirling a strand of hair around his finger.

Meet you there.

Bucky pocketed his phone. He put away the book he had abandoned on the coffee table. Looking around the apartment, he took in how spotless it was. It never used to be like that, before. Steve was kind of a slob, despite what everyone seemed to think when they first met him, and when Bucky had been working in town as well as going through school, he hadn't had time, energy nor desire to clean things. But there wasn't anything else for him to do now, not until he got cleared by his two therapists as fit-to-work. So he did the housework, and tried not to feel like a sitcom housewife and greet Steve with a kiss as he came home.

And at least Steve knew him well enough and had the decency not to comment on the state of their apartment. Even when Bucky got stressed and started cleaning things that had been spotless all along, he didn't say anything.

He was too good a friend, sometimes, and it broke Bucky's heart. Bucky hadn't always been so easy to be good to.

Maybe that was one of the reasons he wanted to see Clint again so badly. He was new. He was a blank slate. Bucky hadn't known Sam before his injury, but Sam was Steve's friend, it wasn't the same. Clint could be a new beginning.

He flinched at the thought. He didn't want to use the man in any way. He wanted to see him as a person. Nothing more, nothing less. He wanted to control his thoughts and feelings again, to be able to trust that his brain knew what he was doing.

Bucky realized he was wearing sweatpants and the t-shirt he had slept in, and quickly took a shower before he changed.

It was one of the days during which Steve worked on his freelance illustrator business, so he stopped by his office and quietly knocked on the doorframe. Steve took off his headphones and looked up, blinking like a confused bird.

“I'm going out. For coffee. Should be back by early evening.”

“Uh? Okay. Have fun?”

Bucky smiled. Steve was always too engrossed in his work when he was drawing. It took him minutes to snap out of it and get back to the real world.

“Yeah. Just wanted to warn you in case you started looking for me. Get back to work now.”

Steve mock-saluted him, and Bucky rolled his eyes as he walked away and closed the door behind him. The coffee place was twenty minutes away from the apartment he shared with Steve, but the bus was mostly empty and he found a seat easily. He thought he could feel gazes on him as he kept silent in his spot, but couldn't pinpoint where they were coming from. He kept his eyes on the doors.

The shakes in his leg started after ten minutes.

Stepping out of the bus felt like seeing the sky for the first time, and Bucky took a minute to collect himself before walking to the coffee shop only two streets away.

Clint was already there, his hair a mess, a band-aid on one of his cheeks and cradling a steaming cup in his hands. He was wearing a grey t-shirt with some kind of design on it that Bucky couldn't make out.

He walked in and made his way to Clint's table, trying not to fidget. His prosthetic felt awkward, and Bucky couldn't help but rub at the plastic wrist even though he knew it was fine.

Clint looked up and grinned at him. Bucky noticed dark circles under his eyes, but didn't feel comfortable asking about them.

“Hey, Bucky. Take a seat. Or do you want to order first? Sorry I didn't wait for you, I was kind of craving a fix...”

Bucky raised an eyebrow at his choice of words, but once again didn't comment. “I'll go order, give me a minute.” He took off his leather jacket and draped it over the back of the chair before turning to the counter.

He could feel his body vibrate from anxiety and decided to ignore all types of coffee available and settle on a chai latte. He didn't have to wait more than a minute for his drink to be ready and gratefully took it back to the table.

Clint was staring out of the window, looking kind of distracted.

“Clint?” The other man didn't seem to react. “Hey?” Bucky said, a bit louder.

Clint jumped, and immediately turned to face him again. “Sorry.” He started scratching at his neck, right where Bucky had noticed that he had a scar. “I was kind of zoning out.”

“I would say. Are you okay?”

Clint seemed taken aback for a second, then shrugged. “Okay enough, I guess? I'm just tired, and I haven't seen a lot of people these past few days except for work so... yeah.”

“If you'd rather have some time for yourself, though...” Bucky started saying. Clint had been the one to invite him in the first place, but he had also said something about his friends pushing him to do it? Anyway, Bucky didn't want to be a bother or make him feel uncomfortable or like he owed him anything.

“Dude, chill,” Clint said, projecting calm. “You look like you're about to bolt. I'm fine. I just need a nice distraction, which is why I called you. Are you feeling okay?”

Bucky shrugged. He didn't want to talk about the paranoia and anxiety that seemed to cling to his skin since he had stepped on the bus. “Okay enough.” He smiled, surprised at how naturally the gesture came to him.

Clint laughed. “Look at us! What a pair. Speaking of which... How the fuck are your eyes so blue? I hadn't noticed it last time because it was so dark, but damn!” He whistled, grinning as he took another sip of his coffee. Bucky stared. There was no way the other man had actually just said that. Without a pause or the barest hint of self-consciousness. People didn't just say that. It didn't happen. Clint smiled.

“I'm pretty sure it's just genetics.” Bucky replied, carefully keeping a neutral expression. “That or my mother bathed me in the blood of innocents when I was a baby.”

Clint choked on his drink, and Bucky took a sip of his latte to hide both his laughter and his lingering embarrassment at the compliment. He wasn't really sure whether Clint was teasing or genuinely flirting, and had no idea how to ask without sounding either too eager or like an asshole. Especially since he had no idea what his own position was towards Clint. He barely knew the guy, sure, but he clearly remembered flirting with girls he barely knew before. It hadn't felt like this, though. Could Bucky be flirting without realizing? Was that even possible?

He chased the thoughts away. It didn't matter right now. He could think about it later, and still enjoy the present company and positive attention.

“I was not expecting that. But fair enough. So your mother is a witch?”

Bucky shook his head, smiling. “Not that I know of. We did have a black cat when I was a child though. But if I'm honest, my sister is probably the witch in our family. She definitely had her goth phase at least.”

Of course Esther would try to kill him if she heard him say this. That, or remark that he still wasn't out of his punk phase himself, which wasn't actually true, because punk wasn't a phase. Clint didn't have to know all that.

“Oh god. So, I have this friend, Kate? She's a few years younger than me, and I found some of her teenage pictures, and she was a total scene kid. Most hilarious thing I've ever seen. I still haven't found her old Myspace account, but I know it exists.”

“I'm pretty sure I still have a Myspace account floating around somewhere...”

Clint seemed genuinely taken aback by that. “Oh my god. How old are you?”

“Twenty-six. You?”

“Twenty-nine. Thirty in like...” He scrunched up his face a little. “A month? But seriously. You had a Myspace?”

“Well, yeah. I was super into music. Still am, though I can't really play anymore – long story.” Bucky picked up his cup with his prosthetic hand, a nervous gesture that was probably drawing more unwanted attention to the thing but that he couldn't help. “So I got a Myspace.”

“God I feel old.” He drank another sip of coffee. “What kind of music?”

“Dude. You do not ask that question to someone who just told you they're really into music. It's a fucking rabbit hole. I will literally go on for hours if you let me.”

Clint shrugged. “Told you I needed a distraction.”

Bucky thought of the buzzing in his head that had been there since his bus journey. At least it had calmed down a little. Maybe he needed a distraction too.

He usually wasn't keen on talking about his passion with people who weren't also on board, because they tended not to understand. They would see it as misplaced dedication, energy he could put into something else, or downright disapprove of his choice of genres. Or simply become scared by the level of enthusiasm he could show.

“Okay. So I'm mostly into punk. A lot of classic 70's stuff. Not a big fan of The Clash. I know they're supposed to be this staple of the genre or whatever, but they're just not really my thing. I like a bit of Sex Pistols, though. Buzzcocks, X-Ray Spex, The Slits,... Classic stuff. Big fan of folk punk as well. Best friend got me into that. There's a lot of good new stuff in the genre. Like, you can still feel the DIY soul in a lot of it, but with additional mad skills on the acoustic guitar. I mean, it's just so annoying when people say that punk became too commercial, as if there's just one kind of punk music. Of course the things that are played on the radio are commercial, that's why they're on the radio. You can only get away with playing punk on mainstream shows if the song has become a classic already. So a lot of people think there's nothing new happening in the genre. But a lot of kids are still doing their thing and putting their stuff out there without making profit. So yeah. I also listen to some metal, some hardcore, a bit of old rock. And, well, jazz, I guess. My mom was a jazz fan. That's what I grew up on before I started my 'rebellious teenage phase' as she likes to call it. I'm not a connoisseur, but I still listen to what we used to play at home.” He looked up into Clint's eyes after finishing his tirade. The blond was staring back, almost empty mug of coffee in hand and an eyebrow rose. Bucky started scratching his neck. “You're lucky, dude. I gave you the very short version here.”

Clint let out a short puff of laughter and shook his head. “I promise I'm not laughing at you. It's just... Now that you mention it, I can totally see the teenage punk rocker in you. That, and how intense you got... It's just adorable.”

Bucky bent his head down slightly, letting his long hair hide the blush on his cheeks.

“Never would have pinned you as a mama's boy, though.”

Bucky shrugged. “I was always close to my mom and sister. My mom got a divorce from my dad when I was still really young and my sister a toddler. Apparently he was a drunk, or something. I never got the whole story from my mom. But we decided we only had each other, so we stuck together. And then my best friend's mom died, and we took him in too, kind of.”

Clint put his elbow on the table and rested his chin on his hand. “That sounds... nice, I guess.”

Bucky could feel some tension there, and was almost afraid to ask, but did anyway. If he kept on only dipping his toes, he would never actually learn to know the guy. “Not the best relationship with your own family?”

Clint laughed, in an open but bitter way. “Yeah, no. Parents died in a car crash when I was a kid. Went through foster care for a while. Then my brother turned 18 and somehow managed to get custody of me. I mean, foster care was awful. But my brother is an asshole. So, yeah.” He opened his arms in some kind of vaguely grand gesture. “This is the life-story of poor old me.”

“Are you really gonna call yourself old all the time just because I'm three years younger than you?”

Clint laughed again. “I'm old in the soul.”

“Right...” Bucky replied with a disbelieving raise of eyebrow. He took another sip of his chai latte. The atmosphere wasn't exactly awkward, but Bucky didn't know how to keep the conversation going, and he could feel Clint become distracted again. He wanted to talk about what had happened at the party they'd met. He wanted to mention his research on aromanticism, talk about it with Clint. But he had no idea how to bring up any of that without standing like a creep who also wanted a cookie for trying to be open-minded.

Bucky was suddenly reminded of why he wasn't good at one-on-ones. He just couldn't think of anything to say. If there had been a conversation going on around him, he would have been perfectly happy to lie back and listen in silence. But here, now, the silence felt like his personal responsibility. He was overthinking again.

Why did people talk about, when they didn't know each other? All the new acquaintances he had made in the last year had been friends of Steve, so he hadn't had to actually carry the conversation.

“So... um. You come here regularly?” He asked, internally flinching at how ridiculous it sounded.

Clint immediately focused back on him. He shrugged. “I guess. Like I told you, I know one of the baristas.” Clint turned slightly to look towards the counter, and pointed out one of the people behind it. The person has short dark hair and was currently frowning at the register. “That's Billy. Nice kid.”

Now that he thought about it, the young man's face felt kind of familiar. He seemed to be in his early twenties, definitely younger than Bucky.

“How do you know each other?”

“He's one of Kate's friends.” Clint frowned. “That sounded slightly pathetic. Now that I think about it, a lot of my friends are people I met through her. Or people from work. Kiiiind of sad.” He took a gulp of his drink, not really seeming bothered by his situation.

Bucky didn't know what to say to that, so he tried being honest. “I don't meet a lot of new people either these days, apart from my roommate's friends. So I guess we're kind of alike.”

“Oh. You live with someone?”

Bucky nodded. “Yeah. My best friend, I guess.” Steve was a hard person to define, at least in regards to himself. Their relationship had been through so many different changes, putting a word to it felt reductive somehow. Like it could never do justice to the concept it tried to express. “He's pretty much family. We first officially moved in together when he started college.”

“Officially moved in?”

Bucky tried not to let any of his thoughts show on his face. With a history as complicated as he and Steve's, there were a lot of things he couldn't disclose to the first stranger. As much because they weren't his to share as because he himself was uncomfortable with sharing them.

“He was kind of living with my family already before that. It's a long story. We met when we were like... eight. So we're kinda close.”

Clint whistled. Which was apparently also a thing that actual people – or at least Clint – did. “That's a long time, I'm impressed. I never really had such close childhood friends. And, like I said, my brother is a dick. I'm kind of jealous I guess.”

Bucky shrugged. “I mean, I love him. I do. He's great and... I guess it's just nice that there's someone who's shared so much of my life, so much of who I've been through the years. And who still sticks around. But, like... It's a relationship. Like any relationship. We've had our ups and downs. Nobody will ever understand everything about you, you know?”

“Mmh.”

“But that's also a good thing. Discovering new things about each other. And still being there.”

Clint smiled softly. “Those sound like wise words. It does seem like you two get along really well.”

Bucky ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah.” He felt the conversation come to a lull again, but this time he was himself more focused inwards than anything. He finished the last cold sips of his chai latte as Clint played with his own empty mug.

“Speaking of Steve-”

“Your roommate?” Clint interrupted, and Bucky realized he hadn't actually told him his name.

“Yeah. I think I'm gonna head back before he starts to worry. I told him I was leaving, but when he gets focused on his work he forgets literally everything, so if I stay away for more than two hours there's a chance he'll call the police and tell them I've been kidnapped.”

Clint laughed openly. “You know, I would never have thought you would be the kind of guy to use exaggerations like that. You seem a lot colder, when we don't know you.”

Bucky mustered up his best dead-eyed stare. He then raised an eyebrow. “You only think I'm exaggerating.” He immediately broke character, letting out a genuine smile. The whole routine earned him one more laugh from Clint. “We get a little protective about each other sometimes-” Bucky could feel the time when Steve hadn't been by his side like a physical void. He had felt so vulnerable then, not even because of the real danger, but because of the loneliness. “But that's just how things go with us.” “It sounds nice.”

Bucky shrugged. “I guess. I'll... I'll see you around? We could do this again, if work ever gets too much for you?”

Clint laughed. “Don't say that, or you'll be seeing me every day.”

“I've got nothing better to do, to be honest.”

“How come?” Clint asked.

It was much too long a story when he had just told the other man he was going to leave, so Bucky gave the short version. “I don't work. I don't study either. Basically I'm on indefinite medical leave, so my schedule is very flexible and mostly revolves around emptiness. So, yeah. Just text me if you ever need company?”

He stood up and grabbed his leather jacket. He stopped himself from flinching. He had made the whole thing sound so... civilian. Medical leave, instead of being discharged due to injury. Bucky felt like he had dust in his mouth.

“Will do. It was nice seeing you again, Bucky.”

“Yeah. Same for me. I'll talk to you soon.”

He gave a small and awkward wave which Clint returned with a smile, then turned away and walked out of the coffeeshop.

The air was much colder than when he had arrived, as dark clouds were now hiding the sun. Bucky could feel rain in the air and put his arms around himself as he waited for his bus.

[obsessivedilettante]

Somehow love has been so idealized as positive and healthy form of bond, that the reality which is that lot of romantic relationships are dysfunctional on one level or another is denied. In the case of Kwon Joo and Tae Gu, the romance is impossible: she will never accept him but the attraction is real on his side (the writer pushed it since ep11) and it humanizes him a little bit. So playing with this fantasy makes sense, is not harmful and wouldn't be a first in fiction...

The issue I have is that people assume because there is attraction, it must mean romantic (or sexual). Tae-gu is definitely fascinated by Kwon-joo, but it’s because he views her as an elusive prey. For someone who seems to have had a fairly easy life when it comes to killing people (I mean, when you come right down to it, his father literally buys “unwanted” people for him hunt and kill, just as though they were toys), here is one that is intelligent and fights back. In fact, I think a large part of his giddy glee when he saw her wall of evidence and red string is the discovery that she has also been hunting him. She is no normal prey.

[More after the jump! My apologies to mobile users, and if you’re coming to this on my tumblr page and not your dash, Anon, you’ll probably need to click the post to get the rest of the answer since this theme doesn’t always put a “more” link when I use it on an ask.]

But she is still just that to him – prey. I can’t agree that his attraction to her “humanizes” him because the show has taken great pains to convince us that he’s not really human. He’s been repeatedly called a monster and the devil (and, to be honest, it’s easy to believe he is just that when he has taken such joy in killing anyone that has possibly hurt him or stood in his way).

To him, Kwon-joo is not a person. She is something to be toyed with, to be teased and tormented until he finally sees fit to give the final blow.

I actually think it’s pretty interesting that the show hasn’t placed him in any romantic or sexual light*. Even though he’s a young and handsome chaebol (at least, to those who don’t know about his murderous tendencies), he’s not been shown partying around with a gaggle of women, or even just one woman. When Jin-hyuk looked into his past, there was no record of a scandal, and I presume that includes scandals with women (or men – hey, I’m not gonna judge, but I know Dramaland and its heteronormative default). I very much doubt he often brings dates home, since he seems more interested in bringing dead bodies home instead. 

That’s not to say Tae-gu has no sexual desire, but it’s notable that his idea of power and dominance is through straight-up brutality and not through sex. He’s killed women before, but from what we’ve seen, hasn’t tried to rape them. Instead, he gets his jollies from the hunt and the sensation of crushing their skulls.

Which, again, is why I give a serious, serious side-eye to those who want to ship him with Kwon-joo. She is an amazing woman who’s worked hard to get where she is, even when no one else believed her. She’s careful and smart as she figures out not only how to save those under the Golden Time (okay, maybe not that careful and smart because c’mon stop going to creepy empty hallways without back-up!), but also in accumulating information that gradually lead her to discover that Tae-gu is the killer she’s been searching for all these years. To her, Tae-gu is the monster that we all know he is. He killed her father, he’s killed so many others – he’s ruthless and shameless. He’s evil and he must be brought to justice.

So for someone to go “eeeee, I ship it!” just because both characters have an obsessive determination to hunt the other feels like it trivializes just how much Tae-gu has hurt and damaged her life. Not just that he killed her father, but thanks to the cover-up by his father and Sang-tae, he made her lose her job and respect within the community. She was treated as a laughingstock and something to be scorned. Yes, she is strong and resilient, but he ruined her life. And he plans to ruin it even more, just for kicks. He knew that his visit to her apartment would scare her, and yet he couldn’t hide his laughter. That is what makes him happy – making her fear for her life.

While I don’t know how the final two episodes will play out, at this point in the show, there’s really no way that Tae-gu can be redeemed. There’s no “oh my mother abandoned me when I was a baby boo-hoo” story that can possibly excuse his murderous behavior. At this point, the only truly “honorable” thing he could do is either confess to his crimes and spend a lifetime in prison, or fall on his sword (kettlebell?) and kill himself.

Perhaps if this writer spent more time developing the characters, there could be some hope. But as it stands right now, he has shown himself to be nothing but pure evil. There is no goodness in him. There is no saving him.

It is true, though, that relationships are inherently messy and so many of them are filled with bad decisions. Maybe I would actually like rom-coms more if they didn’t try to convince me that two diametrically opposed people would suddenly fall in love and live happily ever after, just because the writers said so. Maybe I would suffer less from second-lead syndrome if the male leads weren’t persistently written in such a way that I would instinctively label them as abusive (either emotionally or psychologically, and even sometimes physically), and wish the woman would run the hell away and never look back.

Then again, I think “love conquers all” is utter bullshit, especially with romance. I will, however, happily accept more stories of love that is familial and platonic, because, to me, those are the most endearing and sustaining. That’s why I give only a vague side-eye to those who want to ship Kwon-joo with Jin-hyuk. Part of me understands it – they’re the leads, they’re thrown together, they have to learn to trust and rely on each other. It makes sense, since most dramas would probably go there anyway. But I love that there’s been no hint of romance between them, simply because there aren’t enough platonic male-female friendships represented in media, especially in mutual work environments (where platonic friendship actually makes the most sense, since dating in the workplace is incredibly messy and often ends in disaster, although you wouldn’t know it by most of Dramaland’s offerings).

So I’m not saying “kill it with fire” to a Kwon-joo/Jin-hyuk ship because I can see how these two co-workers, thrown together in a multitude of intense situations as they pursue the same goal, could be appealing to someone. Jin-hyuk has learned to respect Kwon-joo, and is not out to sabotage her. He actually supports her and listens to her.

I am saying “kill it with fire” to a Kwon-joo/Tae-gu ship because it pits her with someone who doesn’t see her as human and only sees her as a thing to amuse him until he decides she’s no longer worth his time. It diminishes who she is as a woman or even simply as a person. He is a monster, and I’m repulsed by the unspoken implication that she could “save” him because of the attraction (or supposed “love”) he has for her. Not that’s what everyone thinks when they consider this so-called ship, but it is the standard representation when we see this kind of dynamic in fiction – the “bad boy” that the woman will save through the power of her sparkly “I’m not like the other girls” vagina. (Again, Tae-gu is not some moody, broody chaebol/cursed vampire/hurt momma’s boy. He is an unrepentant psychopath who gets joy out of tormenting the most challenging prey he’s yet encountered.)

I get it, though. I know that it’s somehow so easy to default to crackling chemistry and want to ship all the things, no matter what, no matter how terrible they are. Some of the best (worst?) ships come from this.** The attraction is there, even if it is only sadistically one-sided. And even though I don’t read fanfiction, I know there are enough of the “oh hell no” ships out there that people are gonna ship what they’re gonna ship, no matter the logistics or actual characterizations. Maybe someone’s cooking up a theory that says Tae-gu will eventually realize the error of his ways and spend the rest of his life in prison pining for the one woman who got away. Or maybe someone’s embracing the insanity and is like “this shit is fucked up but damn the sex is hawt.”

In the end, I guess I’m just too fond of Kwon-joo as a character and a woman, and everything she represents in terms of her intelligence and desire to help people even as she longs for justice in her own life, to see her linked romantically to a murdering psychopath – no matter how gorgeous his cheekbones are.

*of course, as we all well know, Kim Jae Wook is hella sexy and I’m not gonna deny I’d probably do some terrible things for a few minutes in heaven with him, but that’s the actor, not the character.

**for example, even though I know, instinctively, that these two are terrible for each other and will forever end in tears, you can tear the LoVe*** from my cold dead hands. They are Epic and will always be Epic.

***Logan/Veronica from Veronica Mars, who I immediately started shipping**** from the first “Annoy, tiny blonde one, annoy like the wind” and still get a little tingly from that first kiss as the camera cranes outward and “Momentary Thing” plays.

****and I suppose someone could argue that “well you ship [problematic thing] so stop being a cry-baby about other people shipping [problematic thing], and besides, it’s just fiction*****, so who cares what other people do with fictional characters?” To which I say “dude this is tumblr I will overthink whatever the hell I want and also women should not be shipped with brutal psychopaths who only see them as a means for their sadistic pleasure, especially when those psychopaths have totally and unrepentantly ruined those women’s lives and will kill them after they’ve had their fun.”******

*****yeah, it’s just fiction, but stories matter and if I can smash one patriarchal belief that a woman can save a broken and screwed up guy just because he lurves her then I think I will have fulfilled a purpose that I didn’t know I had but I will gladly accept.

******is2fg no one tell me there’s a fanfic out there where Tae-gu is revealed to be a necrophiliac bc there’s not enough brain bleach out there to unsee that image even though it would probably make total sense, dammit.

[extravachance-moved-blog]

META: SUMMARY

This isn't part of the canon because it developed through a long time and several threads. The following takes place between Sept. 2014 and Feb. 2017 and solely influences main!verse aka; beginner's luck. ( Hinting to P.S!Sakon because his current mindset has been becoming eerily similar to that one ).

THE OLD BLOG.

1. Sep. 2014 - Jan. 2015. Pretty close with Mitsunari ( the four that were around, he was in heaven ) and in the process to be recognised as his ( pinky ) left hand. Still curious, always trying to empathise with other's problem even if couldn't understand them at a deeper level. Timid with girls, and easily flustered because they were too pretty. Attempted to fight anyone who seemed strong, driven by the desire of improve his fighting skills and... in all honesty, fighting was fun ( still is ). Horrible cooking skills.

He did his best even if wasn’t taken into account for decisions or anything. His main motivation was being acknowledged as a useful member of the Toyotomi and make his lord proud. Sakon used to have a big crush on him too, he stood no chance. His opinion about Ieyasu was way softer as well. He didn’t have many friends and was pushed to drink alcohol by other soldiers, at least did it only on occasions. Hated make others sad.

2. Feb. 2015 - April. 2015. Takes a step forward in try to cheer up sad people indiscriminately. His troubles with drinking and uhh... questionable ideas got somewhat worse; started to want feel how was being in a relationship. First cases of actually feeling depressed but not outright refuse help, in fact asked for some kind of help. He really did. This was the starting point in which Sakon began to drift away and try to find new people to spend time with and get advice. This was his opinion about Kiyouki, and he was scared of commit the same mistakes again.

( Also this is an example of what might happen if Mitsunari dies. ) Sakon wanted to help but couldn’t do much, leading to a feeling of inadequacy. Yet, it wasn’t overwhelming enough to stop him from being most of the time cheerful and weird. If anything, he did turn more childish without realizing. It brought an odd sense of comfort, though. He couldn’t explain well the sensation.

3. May. 2015 - July. 2015. He took more tasks, missions and the like. All while following some people’s advice. In general had a peaceful period, feeling better as could help more for the army’s sake. Except for an uncomfortable Mother’s day having to deal with Hisahide. ( Also here, another glimpse of the mess that is post-sekigahara!Sakon ). And in a way, some ask memes broke him down... and did affect him for a long time. Mitsunari dying. Maria dying. Other people dying----- ending in this. THIS.

Between the good things in his life, he meet SW!Sakon and it was instant admiration, considering him a cool big brother from another dimension. Then he also found Katsuie and started to interact with him because RIVALS !!! And he wished to bring a little joy to his life. He had been on several highs and lows, not wanting people to suffer the same experiences as him; it wasn’t a crush --- just a sincere attempt to help. Likewise, no matter how bad was before he could bounce back to his bright self.

His birthday ( June 9th ) was spent with his other self. Nobody else knew when it was since he kept it as a secret. They ate sweets, it was cute, nice and pure.

The box trouble happened a few days after, stealing Katsuie’s first kiss in a mix of; mind shifting to auto-pilot given his fear of small and enclosed places and messed up sense of intimacy. It was an awful moment. But they got better and spent a lot time together, it felt natural and that’s how Sakon’s got attached to him. With Mitsunari it was always chase him, or chase Gyobu, to take part of their activities. Katsuie seemed fine with him and he was glad of it. Share clashing opinions was satisfying too.

4. Aug. 2015 - Oct. 2015. Why does he have low expectations in romance or being chosen at all? This is the answer. He always would be a second option, a replacement. Why ‘Kiyouki’ began to be part of him again? He doubted about how ‘dead’ he was. Why he sees himself an ‘unworthy? This is the answer. It was a period in which he tried to drown his sorrows with alcohol, hoping the bad feelings would go away. It didn’t happen and they grew bigger and stronger as the time passed. He ignored them because couldn’t go seeking reassurance every time something went wrong. His mood was pretty volatile those months.

He cheered himself up with jokes and socializing. As well slept a lot to calm down and not over think. He had a brief crush on someone else ( honestly, on who he hasn’t had one...? ) notwithstanding, it ended soon. His feelings for Mitsunari turned entirely platonic and he was content with it. His opinion on marriage changed too, he ended very ambivalent after certain interaction. ( And in an unrelated noted; Kiyouki’s nature. ) At this point he met Tatsu and befriended her. Same for Masazumi.

5. Nov. 2015 - May. 2016. He started to close off and fully embraced the idea of pretend being happy. Still tried to give advice in hopes that people wouldn’t end in the same state as him. His cheerfulness and ability to communicate were subdued. Yet his acting skills made it unnoticeable. Lies were more frequent.  Once again tried to push through giving his best smile, as far as it could be, of course. Quite dramatic at times, for the sake of being believable. Then he took even more tasks, missions and improved skills in other fields.

As a lighthearted fact, he did ask if could purchase adulthood and compared it with a plant. He was extremely childish. And got a Mitsunari plush. ........Also made a dumb joke and then was pushed to confess his feelings, dying a little inside. Very lonely. Who is him if isn’t a bouncy sunshine? No idea. Identity crisis already present and causing trouble. Failure of his own expectations. Pretty much disappeared for a while. When not talking with people went to hide in solitary places, to keep his mental health in check.

THIS BLOG

6. June. 2016 - Sept. 2016. His birthday was fine, he got some presents and good wishes. Kept himself busy with romance and idle entertainment. Couldn't see Ieyasu without jump into action full of bitterness and salt, ready to roast him as many times as he wanted. His denial over some repressed feelings became stronger than ever, even when his methods were told right to his face. Then went to find his inner nature-lover and found him, taking old habits he had as a kid ( prior the destruction of his home ). His relief was short-lived because then was asked to teach how to be a good husband, by the same person he confessed his affections not long ago. His reaction was... a mix between sadness, disappointed and rage under a seemingly happy expression. It was messy.

Miserable but never stopping from trying to cheer up others, regardless how dumb and extravagant they were. To avoid negative thoughts he named them 'Kiyouki' as stopped associating them with himself, that way it'd be someone else and not him; it's complicated. It happened often, he having to push these feelings onto a corner of his mind. Or if the situation appears, use them in a creative and non-harmful manner. Trolling and sarcasm.

7. Sep. 2016 - Dec. 2016. Returned to his casino nights and had fun, good fun. He didn't talk about himself and time ran fast. Not many were around but he wouldn't complain. Still, his attitude got even more infantile and his emotions were fake half of the time. Sometimes would slip into a state of 'not feeling anything' without realise and sound insensitive. Little by little resigned to his inner hollowness, all while never stopping to make others happy. His sense of self-worth was almost completely gone. He just wanted to keep himself distracted enough to continue with his facade.

That's when his exhaustion began, his sadness and pain couldn't be hidden as before. It became a solid half of his personality, unlike the vague one when he started to doubt if Kiyouki was as dead as he liked to think. Doubts lurked on his mind, on the love and acceptation that people offered him, on himself and his own attitude, on everything. Insecure, lonely and still playing his act of fake happiness, he had a hard time keeping everything together. People would worry like before, they would feel bad... and he didn't want to go through that again. They deserved better and thus, Sakon continued as if nothing was wrong.

8. Jan. 2017 - Now. Then his trouble with Katsuie 'never having feelings for him' and Mitsunari's misunderstanding his 'attempts of befriending him' as flirting hit him harder than expected. Mitsunari is by far he is concerned, his saviour, one who accepted him before being Sakon. And Katsuie was the one he spent most of the time with and could talk about most topics without restraint. To him, it was a rejection from both sides. Certain idea of fake his lord's death to push him into killing Katsuie hit him too.

On his limit, hear that they liked him for his cheerfulness didn't help. He assumed they wouldn't like him anymore if gave in and freed his bottled up emotions, they would abandon him if couldn't keep going. Then Tama ignored his advice, scoldings and all he tried to dissuade her from her crush on Ieyasu. In his opinion, it would cause her many problems; including be accused of treason and he was terrified. Except that none of his words helped. Following his first big breakdown happened and lashed out at Tama. Die was a good option, he knew his mind would shatter if didn't take a break and yet couldn't see another way to stop feeling this way. Mistrusting, frustrated, unhappy and only loved because of his countless lies.

Adding to everything happening, he and Mitsuhide were honest about their identities and Tama wanting to kill herself. For that point onwards, he desperately escaped from himself. Napping, cutting conversations, and being mean at little provocation. Although crumbling, Sakon was too scared to ask for help. Try to being honest with another person aside the man who he knew that wasn't to be trusted was meaningless. As well, most of the questions he asked to Mitsuhide were ones he did to himself and couldn't find a satisfying response. It brought some comfort have someone to talk about those topics since nobody in the Toyotomi had experienced that kind of disconnection with oneself. He did want to be his friend and have fun.

What finally broke him was finding Tama dead. It all stopped, and he floated away in a half-asleep state. Sakon was taken to the Oda but wasn't here or there, he wasn't sure of what was doing anymore. Even when was brought back to the army, by Mitsunari himself no less, he felt nothing. ( If had stayed in the Oda, he could have been moulded into anything or anyone they wanted because nor Sakon or Kiyouki was inside. It was a body and a heavily bruised spirit ).

Every single smile afterwards was fake, there was no sense of enjoyment or happiness. Wake up and work was difficult. Talk with others and open up was scary. Driven by a fear of being replaced and/or abandoned, used his last strength to continue. And yet "you are… a light and a very bright one at that. Your charming nature and positive attitude… it is what is still keeping somewhat some sanity within the Toyotomi Army. It may not seem it at times, but I’m certain a lot could have happened should you not have come around when you did." What Mazasumi told him, pulled him further into despair. He didn't feel happy, he couldn't even fake being happy without it being obvious. Useless tools were meant to be thrown away and he wasn't different of one.

[ikkleosu]

Why TWD makes shipping so hard

There’s been a lot of discussion in the fandom about why Caryl is only ever going to be platonic, with people using evidence from the screen (as well as interviews) both recently and for eternity. Obviously those of us who disagree feel differently and feel we can point to evidence in the screen. BUT in essence, those who only see Caryl interactions as platonic are right - until this point they have been (strictly speaking, although there is of course room for interpretation, and that is where the problem lies).

However, something that is missed by a lot of people is the pattern of how TWD writes relationships that DO go romantic, before they do.

It has been noted by critics and fans alike that relationships on the show seem to come out of the blue, either becuase the characters have never interacted until the episode they get together (Tara and Denise), or because their previous interactions gave little to NO clue to them being potentially romantic.

The show simply does not focus on romantic hints. There is plenty of romantic focus once couples are together, but they don’t spend time on the lead up to consummation (emotional or physical). 

(putting a break in cos this got LONG and includes discussion of other ships on the show, including Rick and Michonne, Carol and Tobin and Carol and Ezekiel - if those are things you want to avoid, don’t click)

All my life, I’ve been obsessed with slow-burn TV relationships and have literally studied them (been writing metas on them since I was 11, before I knew what a meta was!). Although they all vary, most of them have the same tropes that show the audience one or both characters have romantic feelings for the other. 

There is usually obvious longing looks, awkward moments, near misses, confessions to third parties, jealousy, and clear, signalled reactions. TWD doesn’t do those in any overt way.

Sure, we can interpret a look as longing, or a moment as having sexual tension - but NO relationship (since Gimple took over, anyway) has had moments that are undeniable in those before they get together.

A lot of the evidence about Caryl being only platonic comes from the lack of these scenes, or these scenes being unequivocally romantic. And they are right, but what they fail to note is that Michonne and Rick ALSO lacked these scenes before they got together.

Where was there awkward touching (before the cough hand hold)? Where was there sexual tension that caused blushes and looks away? Where was the times they almost kissed, almost said too much, almost confessed their feelings? Where was Michonne’s jealousy over Jessie?

The last one is one that’s used repeatedly against romantic caryl - Daryl wasn’t jealous that Carol had a relationship with Tobin. However, when Rick was pursuing Jessie (no matter how long their relationship lasted, or what it contained, Rick was actively pursuing another relationship while Michonne was by his side and available) we saw no reaction from Michonne.

Specifically, we weren’t ALLOWED any reaction at all. In both cases, the writers kept Michonne and Daryl out of the story and they never discussed the situation with Rick and Carol.

And that’s what I mean about the writing. They actively avoid exploring the characters romantic emotions in ANY way prior to them getting together. They refuse to give any strong hints, beyond a friendship.

Even in the example of Carol and Tobin. That relationship came completely out of the blue for every viewer. They interacted once (in a way that was Tobin being flirty, admittedly) and then didn’t interact for an ENTIRE season, before interacting and getting together in a single episode.

In any other show, hints would have been dropped. We might have seen them directly interact in JSS as Carol fought the wolves and Tobin followed her lead, or seen Tobin talk to Rick or Maggie about how amazing Carol was with the Wolves, in Now. Or seen when Tobin rushes out to join the fight against the herd in No Way Out, that he is drawn to Carol’s side and is seen staying with her as they wait for news of Carl. ALL of these things would have been subtle hints for what was to come, but we get nothing.

It’s why platonic Carylers saying Carol and Daryl didn’t interact for an entire season pointless. Neither did Carol and Tobin, yet they were together in an episode.

And even when the characters DO cross a line into romance, it is often written in a way to be vague and open to interpretation. Bob and Sasha’s first kiss made it seem Sasha wasn’t that interested, yet next time we see them they are a couple. Denise’s kiss to Tara could have been simply a bold move that didn’t go beyond a friendship, yet next time we see them they are clearly living together (as were Carol and Tobin). Even Abe and Sasha which is clearly a MAJOR relationship that has ramifications throughout this season, we saw Abe expressing interest and Sasha seemingly non committal before she finally invites him into her house - we never even saw them kiss!

It’s no wonder viewers find it hard to figure out what’s going to remain platonic and what’s going to turn romantic - viewers even felt the Michonne and Rick getting together came out of the blue. Again because we saw neither one in any way express that desire obviously, and Rick had sought out another woman while Michonne was available. And this is most likely the pivotal relationship on the show!

This obliqueness doesn’t just explain why people find it hard to believe platonic friendships will turn romantic, it also has the opposite effect of people thinking ANY interaction MUST be leading to a romance.

Due to the cues being so hard to read, people can see the smallest instances of proof that a relationship must be heading in that direction.

Take the current ship of Daryl and Rosita, for example. Shippers believe that due to Daryl and Rosita suddenly being pair for Twice as Far, Rosita going to find Daryl in East and agreeing with him, and Daryl reacting to Negan when he taunts Rosita, that it MUST mean they are heading for a romance. Why else put them together in these scenes?

Yet, if we cast our minds back to the start of season 4, we learned that Daryl and Michonne had been spending a lot of time together alone searching for the Governor. We see Michonne volunteer to go with Daryl to the Big Spot. We see flirtatious, bantery scenes between them in multiple episodes, leading to some opening up and emotional talk in the car. Looking at all that evidence, fans could (and did) say, well clearly they are heading towards romance. And yet.... nothing.

The writers have a habit of building up relationships quickly and suddenly, to suit a particular purpose, and then abandoning them when it’s no longer needed for the story. And it is VERY hard to spot the difference between those relationships and the ones that any episode now will suddenly become romantic.

Even looking at the comic source material is no guarantee. Fans who believe Carol and Ezekiel are absolutely, definitely getting together romantically are basing a lot of that belief on their view that Carol is taking Michonne’s comic relationship with Ezekiel. And that’s understandable given the comic text used on screen. Yet, it’s clear TV Michonne is STILL taking some of her comic storylines, but very few people who shipped them together ever assumed her relationship with Rick would mirror that with the comic versions of the characters, and remain purely platonic. Even when Sasha taking on so many of Andrea’s comic stories, they never thought she would be the one to get romantic with Rick.

The point is, we are all biased in the reading of the cues. Those who want Carol and Ezekiel to get together assume the parallels with the comic mean it WILl happen, ignoring the fact Carol has had Michonne’s comic relationships with Tyreese and Morgan - but without the romance, becuase they WANT to ignore it.

For me, as a caryl shipper I have reasons I believe that their relationship will not remain platonic. However, I acknowledge there is always a possibility that it will, DUE to the way this show is written. 

I just wish the non-shippers could look at the same situation and acknowledge while they believe it won’t go romantic, there is NOTHING in the writing of Caryl that shows it can be ruled out - not based on the previous writing of relationships on the show, anyway.

[felix-eternal-sunshine-fanfic]

You can be my Fiona, I’ll be your Shrek - A Changbin, Shrek Fanfiction

previous part: -here-

- no romance, no smut

Chapter 5

In Shrek’s world:

The forest wasn’t as dark as Changbin had feared. The light was shining through the leaves in some spots and the whole forest was doused in a mystical green colour. ‘Green is my favourite colour’, Shrek said randomly. Changbin heard a tree cracking and got startled. ‘You really are a scaredy cat, aren’t you?’ Alice said and giggled a bit. Changbin was embarrassed, but tried to play it off, ‘It’s just healthy caution, you know.’ ‘Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say…’

They walked for a few hours. Alice had to climb a tree occasionally and check where they were and where they had to go, because they got a little lost. But nothing really happened besides that. ‘That’s really surprising… I wouldn’t have thought that this forest is completely harmless. Well, I guess some things look more threatening than they actually are’, Changbin thought. But just after he formed that thought, something happened. Why? You might ask… Well, that’s simple, because this story is predictable after all. Predictable to a certain degree at least. Back to Changbin; He heard a weird noise and a voice singing, ‘Hee ho… if you walk upon these mighty trees, you’ll pay the price – your knees get weak!’ Changbin looked around and thought, ‘The only thing that is weak here are those rhymes. Step up your game, forest spirit or whatever you are…’ ‘Oh no’, Shrek mumbled. ‘What was that?’, Changbin asked. ‘Huh? You mean the singing? Probably a forest spirit of some sort.’ ‘Is it hostile?’ Alice asked. ‘Not if we get out of here soon. They get dangerous when they feel threatened.’ ‘Get out of my forest, perish and never return, or your skin will burn-Hee ho.’ ‘They seem hostile if you ask me’, Changbin noted. ‘They haven’t shown themselves yet, so they probably have no intend of attacking us yet.’ ‘Yet…’ Alice emphasized. ‘Hee ho, I’ll break your kneecaps.’ ‘That wasn’t even a rhyme!’ Changbin got a little upset. ‘That’s what you’re worried about?’ Alice asked surprised. ‘Hey, spirit of the forest- or whoever you are: We do not intend to harm you or this forest. We just want to pass through it’, Shrek tried to calm the spirit down. ‘Hee ho? Hee ho! Liar, Liar humans lie, so I make them cry.’ ‘We’re not lying. We’re almost through your forest anyways, aren’t we?’ ‘You don’t lie? Liar! Hee ho… you lied to that lord… didn’t you, wretched horde.’ ‘We… might have lied a bit, yeah. But that doesn’t mean we’ll lie to you.’ ‘Wouldn’t it be better to just… ignore them?’ Alice whispered to Shrek. ‘And if they do attack us, I’ll defend us. I doubt that they have a chance against me’, Alice continued to whisper. ‘What are you whispering, Hee ho? You’ll rot, I’ll tie your insides in a knot!’ ‘That’s gross’, Changbin thought. Shrek nodded at Alice. They ignored the forest spirit while they continued to walk. ‘Hee ho. You’re ignoring me I see. Many humans tried to ignore me, at this rate, you’ll never be free.’ The group continued wandering through the forest, pretending they didn’t hear them. ‘Guess I’ll have no choice. He hoo- I’ll make you regret all your life decisions, give up all your ridiculous missions…’ The forest spirit appeared in front of them. The spirit looked like a piece of wood, overgrown with moss and it had a little face and leafy wings. ‘Now listen up, Hee ho: You didn’t take my seriously and that was a big mistake. You made me furiously, hee ho’ ‘Uhm… You know we didn’t mean it. We just wanted to live and let live…’ Changbin tried to explain. ‘Live and let live? Humans have been destroying this forest of mine for ages, hee ho. They don’t regret a thing. They don’t regret killing so many off us.’ ‘I’m sorry, but we’re different. I promise. I promise that by my life’, said Alice. ‘Heeeee hooooo…. Hee ho’ The forest spirit began to cry and scream. ‘I’m sorry… I…’ Changbin didn’t know what to say. The crying could be heard in the whole forest. ‘Heeeee hoooooo… Hee hooo… Humans never held their promise… Promise by your life? You promise by your life?’ The spirit’s crying turned into a sobbing and you could actually understand a few words. ‘I’ll keep my promise. I always do. If I should break my promise, you can come and seek revenge: You can kill me then’, Alice said with a firm voice. ‘Hee ho… T-That sounds alright. I will let you go. But I will kill all of you if break the promise, hee ho.’ ‘Of course’, Shrek answered. Changbin sighed a bit but also agreed. The forest spirit disappeared with a last ‘hee ho’. The group found an exit to the forest and left. They had kept their promise.

In the real world: The next few days were full of ice cream. ‘I probably gained like 5 kg or something…’ was a sentence that every Stray kids member and Jeonghan could be heard saying. Because all that ice cream would need to be eaten by someone. ‘We’ve tried vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, lemon and Stracciatella. We also tried Neapolitan, but that’s basically just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry’, Felix recapped. ‘My stomach hurts’, Jeonghan said. You could clearly hear the pain in his voice. ‘I’ve been drinking so much chamomile tea₃₀ and I still had to throw up yesterday. I’m just doing this because I love you, Felix’, Jeonghan added. Felix looked at him wide eyed, ‘What’ ‘What’, Jeonghan said in the same confused tone as Felix. ‘Like, platonically of course’, he explained. ‘Okay’, Felix just accepted that without questions. ‘Uh, which flavour haven’t we tried yet? Like… one that Changbin might like’, Jeonghan changed the topic. ‘Why don’t we make a list?’ Felix suggested. They sat down at a table, got some pens and papers and Jeonghan also made another chamomile tea, for obvious reasons. ‘So, what could Changbin like?’ Jeonghan asked. ‘Well, even if he doesn’t look like it: He really likes sweet things. So my guesses are cotton candy or bubble gum flavoured ones’, Felix was thinking hard. ‘We could go with some more special ones too, like sweet fruits: peaches or persimmons for example’, Jeonghan added. ‘Yeah, we’ll definitely try those out.’ Felix wrote the flavours down. ‘I’ve got an idea. I’ll try to find some things out about you through a tarot card reading’, Jeonghan suggested. He was a psychic after all, so this made sense. ‘I mean… I’m not 100% sure about it, but I’m not against it either₃₁ ‘, Felix hesitated a bit. ‘You don’t have to.’ ‘No, it might help, right? So let’s do it.’

Felix sat down and Jeonghan got his cards and sat down in front of Felix. ‘So, how is this gonna work?’ ‘Not everyone believes in it and it’s alright if you don’t. We’re basically just gonna do an overview and a vague fortune telling’, Jeonghan explained. He took his card set and shuffled them. ‘Close your eyes please.’ ‘Okay.’ Felix closed his eyes. Jeonghan closed his eyes too, took three cards and laid them covered on the table. He opened his eyes, put away the rest of the cards and said, ‘You can open your eyes now.’ Felix opened his eyes. ‘Theses three represent, from my left to my right: Present, your future, a hint on how to fulfill your future’, Jeonghan said and pointed at the cards. ‘Do you want to uncover them yourselves?’ He asked. ‘No, you can do it’, Felix answered. He was getting nervous for some reason and his heart started beating faster. Jeonghan nodded and uncovered the first card. ‘Present: The Sun, in an upright position…’ Jeonghan began and thought, ‘The Sun? That’s fitting.’ ‘Well, this one could mean joy, success or positivity. That’s quite fitting, isn’t it? If we would go a bit further with interpretation: You’re positive. You’re positive that you’ll be able to save Changbin. It could also mean that you’re in a good position to save Changbin.’ ‘That seems about right’, Felix agreed. ‘Then let’s move on’, Jeonghan exclaimed and uncovered the second card. ‘The tower, reversed. This is not that bad actually! It could mean that you’re going to avoid a disaster. But it could also mean that you’re just delaying the disaster… If we fit that to our situation: You might be able to save Changbin, but maybe that won’t be the end. Maybe Changbin and you both need to change a bit, maybe the world needs change, so that disasters won’t be fatal. That is very interesting. What do you think?’ ‘Just delaying the disaster? In need of change? I mean… yeah, probably. Everyone changes and a lot of things need to change, so I’m sure we are going to learn something on the way, right?’ ‘Very wisely said’, Jeonghan praised Felix. ‘The last card. It will give us a hint on how to achieve or even change our fate or future.’ Jeonghan uncovered the last card. ‘The Lovers, in an upright position. This card could stand for relationships, duality, or union. This one is hard, but we could say, as cheesy as it might sound: We need to stick together. If we continue to work together, the chances are higher that we reunite with Changbin.’ ‘That seems pretty obvious, if I’m honest. The Lovers? But couldn’t that also mean that there is something more… you know?’ ‘Uh… I don’t think I know. The Lovers don’t just apply to romantic relationships if that is what you mean.’ ‘Ah… that makes sense. So, what does all of this mean for our further operations?’ ‘Well, we should definitely continue similarly to what we did before. I think I need to stay here a little longer, sorry about that. Additionally, we could involve some of your other friends in this. The more the merrier’, Jeonghan explained. ‘Would they understand?’ Felix asked. He was still worried that they’d dismiss him as ridiculous. ‘Chan seems like a very reasonable guy, so I’m sure he’d help us’, Jeonghan calmed Felix down a bit.

₃₀Author’s note: I don’t know if this is even a thing in other countries, so in case you didn’t know: chamomile tea helps against stomach aches and if you’ve got an upset stomach or something.

₃₁ I have minimal experience with tarot cards, so don’t lynch me please. Additionally, there’s a bunch of different interpretations for each card, so I’ll be going with what would make sense and fit the plot in this situation.