#maddy rambles after midnight

[gods-favorite-autistic]

List of maybe-stims (idk I’m not diagnosed with anything yet so idk if that’s the right word or if that’s disrespectful? But uh yeah):

Making a little “hmm” noise, specifically when I want to sing along to something but I don’t want to at the same time or I’m walking and I just have really big thoughts

Blowing on my hand, also when I wanna sing along to something but don’t want to at the same time

Pulling apart the edges of my crumbling phone case (part of the edges came unattached from the back so I just kinda pick at it)

Taking off and putting back on the sliding back of my remote over and over again

Chewing on hoodie strings (hey better than my hair)

Sticking my tongue sideways through the gaps between my teeth

Pushing my tongue back and forth over my bottom teeth

A few unhealthy ones: putting my headphone wires through the gap in my top two teeth (but I don’t chew on them cause I don’t want my headphones to break), scratching mosquito bites, chewing my nails and the skin around my nails, picking at any physical blemish on my sling, including scars and scrapes

Running my hand through my hair like I’m brushing it, specifically from the back of my neck or the side of my head right above my ear

Rubbing my fingers on the same hand over one another or over the webs of my hands

Folding my pinky finger towards my thumb, using my thumb to pull my pinky towards itself, and folding the other fingers over

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

Character voice

Thanks to @elsie-writes here and @willtheweaver here!

Rules: rewrite the given line in your characters' voice

“The recipe says to add milk next!” (Note: Thinking kind of in the context of some characters would say this anxiously bc milk HAS to be next, and some characters would be like, "but I'm gonna put [whatever]!")

Lexi: "I'm no expert, but I think we should follow the recipe. It says add milk next! Therefore, we should add milk next."

Maddie: "The recipe says to add milk next, but hear me out-- what if we didn't include milk at all? I'm curious how this would taste."

Ash: "Why do we have to add milk? Why does the recipe know better? I think we should add whatever liquid we want." *Pours in Sprite*

Gwen: "The recipe says to add milk, so I'm gonna do that. But I feel like I'm not adding enough milk. This is pretty dry."

Robbie: "Okay, the recipe says we need to add milk, but, like, what milk? 2%? Whole? Skim? Lactose free? Coconut? Almond? Oat? Cashew??? Chocolate???? How am I supposed to cook if I don't know what milk to use??"

Akash: "Robbie, it doesn't matter what milk we use. It's just milk. I'm just really thankful you didn't say breast milk." (Robbie: oh my God I forgot breast milk!! That makes this more confusing!)

Jedi: "I am afraid I am not used to following a specific recipe myself. Usually, I simply create it in the replicators. However, I believe I will follow the recipe, though if it is not satisfactory, I will change it for next time."

Carmen: "If the recipe says we have to add milk, we are adding milk! What is the point of the recipe if we're just going to change it? See, this is why cooking is stupid! We have replicators for a reason!"

Bonus:

Noelle: "Why are we debating this??? The recipe says to add milk????"

“Come on, where’s your sense of adventure?”

Slightly different interpretation of this line because not everyone is adventurous

Lexi: "My sense of adventure would be a lot better if adventure came with a schedule."

Maddie: "Cmon, it'll be an adventure! Who knows, you might have a lot of fun."

Ash: "Yeah, things are kinda crazy, but it's also kinda fun. Like an adventure."

Gwen: "Not sure about this adventure, but I'm curious to see where this leads!"

Robbie: "Holy shit, this adventure sounds like so much fun! But I'm only in if Akash is."

Akash: "I don't have a huge sense of adventure, but Robbie does, so I'll indulge him."

Jedi: "I would like to think I have a sense of adventure. One could say I...traveled a lot as a child. One specific trip... But I also consider my scientific studies an adventure in of itself."

Carmen: "I don't have a sense of adventure, and frankly, yours is rather annoying."

Tagging @writeouswriter @leahnardo-da-veggie @pluppsauthor @pluto-murphy-writes @aalinaaaaaa

@dyrewrites @eccaiia @aalinaaaaaa @willowiswriting @words-after-midnight

@evilgabe29 @mk-writes-stuff @cherrybombfangirlwrites @rickie-the-storyteller

+ ANYONE ELSE

Your line is: "I think I'm gonna try that Ghost Pepper." [Include their reaction.]

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites

@nebula--nix @literarynecromancy

[bvnnyl0v3r]

magical girl universe concept idea

Ok so we all know the usual magical girl shit bla bla bla one girl gets superpowers defeats enemies and makes friend who also get powers and they upgrade and everyone's happy. anyways.

A universe where nearly everyone has magic. Everyone except a certain few people. The don't at all have magic and are all girls/women. At magical girl age (12-17) they experience things called "trances" in other words places where a lot of magic has been used do the usual sucking up bad energy shit, innocent people get sucked into the trances and the magical girl(s) in question have to defeat the monster. "BUT MADDIE! The magical girls don't have powers!" Plot twist. In those trances normal people with magic don't have magic. The magic gets transferred to the magic girl(s) fighting the monster. Other plot twist the strength of the Monster depends on how much magic was used at this place. And i'm not talking the past week over no i'm talking about since there was magic firsted used in this place till now. In other words: anywhere a trance can happen. Normal people of course forget that the trances ever happened and only the magical girls will remember but they can't tell anyone. and if a person dies in a trance their existance will be erased from the entire universe and only the magical girls will remember. If a magical girl gets powers from a human they will keep them until that person dies. If a magical girl gets magic in a trance from ten people the magical girl will still have this magic in the next trance and any other trance following as long as the person doesn't die. The usual is when the monster is defeated they get a reward. What's the reward? Let's use something similar to madoka magica/sailor moon/doki doki/glitter force. The Monster drops a certain crystal that depending on it's power can do different things. For example a food/water source during battle, money in the real world, an upgrade in power/speed/health etc. or one of the most common options a soul cleanser. Magical girls get darker minds with each battle and if they don't manage to obtain a soul cleanser they slowly get the urge to kill themselves until they eventually do. Crystals can be broken apart and split in multiple pieces but the tinier the piece the less is the effect it has. btw the normal people still keep their magic after getting out of the trances they jst get copy pasted to the magical girls

anyways that was my teeny tiny midnight ramble of hyperactivenss

-love, maddie <3

[that-was-anticlimactic]

i like to think modern au zuko and sokka bond over their names. people always spell zuko’s name wrong (‘zukko’ zukoh’... idk other names) and people always say sokka’s name wrong (like in the movie��) and they just kind of hate it but they don’t care enough anymore to correct people

sokka probably spelled zuko’s name as ‘zukko’ for the longest time until he saw it written down and he was like :o an zuko probably pronounced sokka’s name wrong for ages until katara called him one day and he put it on speaker akdbdjne but both boys were too scared to correct the other because “crap cute boy cute boy do not correct cute boy they are right”

[hopevampire]

just remembered my abandoned easter themed doll,,,, love how you can see all the loose threads on her dress bc of my lighting. i couldn’t find her shoes and couldn’t be bothered to grab a stand so i propped her up between my sketchbook and my laptop (yeah it’s dusty dont @ me lmao) to take this pic aha-

also have some pics of the hat i got for her and the tiny little easter eggs i never finished painting (dont click on the pic w/the eggs if you don’t want to see the cat hair stuck to my pincushion fjfhdjfhdj)

[lilywoood]

Hesitate 2/2

So as promised here it’s the final part of Hesitate, it’s a bit longer and I really hope y’all like it ♥️

Tag list : @translucent-bisexual @cherishingstydia @felicitous-one @diazbuckleysworld @gxtop @adamngoodbuck @kajamitt @peroquenotevean @chitownwolf

Words count : 1121

Song : Heal - Tom Odell

——————————————————————-

{Hanahaki} def : A disease caused by heartache, in which the patient would start throwing up petals and in worst case scenarios flowers, to these day only two remedies are known...

———————

Loving Eddie was a curse, a painful yet beautiful curse, one he didn’t want nor needed the cure for, because even if it brought him nothing but heartache, nothing but sadness and sorrow, loving Edmundo Diaz had been the best experience, the best feeling Evan Buckley ever had and he was willing to give his life a thousand times just to enjoy it once more...

—-

In took only one week for Buck state to worsened gravely, he didn’t need to hear Eddie’s voice, or his name being said to start throwing up flowers now, he didn’t need to see him with Lena, didn’t need to hear how his colleagues and teammates were commenting on how close they were, didn’t need to hear them tease him about it, they didn’t know how he felt his heart aching every time they mentioned it, didn’t know how he felt like every breath he took made him feel like dying.

Only Maddie knew and it was more than enough.

—-

Maddie who insisted, prayed, begged for him to consider the removal, who was crying every day and trying her best to keep him alive...

She was in pain everyday because of him, or that what he convinced himself, living without remembering the Diaz family wasn’t the only reason Buck refused to go through the procedure, he was persuaded that if he died maybe Maddie would get better too, she’ll stop worrying, stop crying, he knew she’ll be sad, still she had Chim and at some point he was sure that she’ll make peace with herself, she’ll move on and he’ll be just a memory.

—

He’d lost a lot of weight in the week that followed his conversation with Maddie, he was getting so thin that Bobby didn’t want him with them until he regained some weight, little did he knew that the reason Buck couldn’t eat normally was because his condition made him unable to sustain his body.

He could only nod tiredly knowing full well that in his current state he would only be a leverage for his team...

He was close to the door when he heard Bobby telling the rest of the 118 that they’ll be one man short, heard Eddie propose to call Lena since her team didn’t mind her helping the 118 once more.

He felt the itching come back full force after hearing Bobby whole heartily accept Eddie’s proposition, he felt the bile, felt the lilies and roses petals tickling his throat, he rushed out, run to his car to threw them up, he thought that things couldn’t get worse than that, he was wrong once again...

—-

It was past midnight when he woke up with an ache in his chest so intense he thought he could never recover, he couldn’t talk,couldn’t breath, couldn’t utter a single sound, he felt them the lilies stems piercing his lungs, could feels the thorns puncturing his heart, he felt panicked and dread he felt like death was playing with him and all he could think about was Eddie, how would he tell Chris about his death, would he ever tell Chris, would they miss him, would he miss him, would they be there when he will take his last breath, would he hold his hand, would he smile at him encouragingly so that he wouldn’t be afraid of his impending death.

He had so much questions, questions for which he would never have the answer and as everything faded around him, as he heard the far echo of Maddie’s voice over the phone they were only one single though that kept on running through his mind, he only though about how happy he would be to see Eddie there if he woke up.

——

Maddie was passing back and forth in the hallway of Mercy Hospital she didn’t know what to do, didn’t know who to call, didn’t know who to talk to.

It’s been two hours since he’d been admitted, two hours since the doctor last talked with her, two hours since she last saw Evan and now the nurse were pressuring her, asking her if they could let the doctor know that he could do the removal.

——

She asked for five minutes, just five minutes to call her last hope, her last card, just five minutes to call for a last minutes miracle.

-Yes, she heard Eddie grown tiredly.

-It’s Maddie, she chocked relieved to hear him, I...I need a miracle Eddie, she sniffed, I need you to be my miracle, she cried.

-Did something happened to Buck, he asked dreadfully.

-Can you come to Mercy, she asked in between hiccups.

-On my way, Eddie responded ending the call.

—-

The first thing he noticed when they let him in Buck’s room was how pale and small he seemed, how thin he got, how tired he was...

The second thing he noted were all the machines keeping him alive, the beeping they were making, as if reminding him of how much of a shitty friend he’s been to Buck.

He didn’t know if he was allowed to touch him, to hold his hand, to caress his face, to hug him...to kiss him.

—

As if sensing the other man presence Buck started to stire up, trying to get the oxygen mask out his way when Eddie grabbed his hand.

-Don’t touch that, he smiled tenderly caressing his hand, doctor said you need it, he rambled.

-Am I dead yet, Buck croaked throat sore, that’ll explain why you’re there, he grinned.

-Why...why would you say something like that, Eddie gasped, why didn’t you say anything, he frowned trying to stop the upcoming tears.

-I didn’t want you to worry, Buck sighed turning his head away, plus you were busy with Lena, he breathed quietly.

-You matter more for me than her, Eddie frowned, what made you think otherwise, he asked squeezing the other man’s hand.

Buck closed his eyes taking a deep breath while rubbing his aching chest.

-Maybe the fact that I love you so much, he chuckled throat dry, that you made flowers bloom in my lungs, he explained turning his attention to Eddie,

-Evan, Eddie breathed painfully, why didn’t you tell me, he angrily demanded tears flowing down his face, you idiot, he stated before crashing their lips together.

Buck was breathless after that kiss but this time they were no itching, no petals on the back of his throat, this time when he felt his heart beating faster and his lungs tightened he knew it was because he was loved back.

-I love you Evan Buckley, Eddie assured somehow reading his mind, I love you and only you, he added kissing him one more time

[pingo1387]

@pink-spaceturtle5 it’s midnight now and i’m tired but here we go. rambling part 2: women take over for a day trope, talked about in general terms. 

This trope bothers me for several reasons. First and foremost, there are never any mention of lesbians... but I digress. 

The trope usually goes one of two ways. The first way is that the female cast in a show either start to run everything because they took over some administrative positions, or they start to run everything by default when all the men vanish for whatever reason (magic, kidnapped). The second way is that the main characters discover a land or society with a matriarchy, where either men are treated poorly or nonexistent. 

Such examples include the 43rd episode of Danny Phantom, where the ghost ladies Spectra, Kitty, and Ember make the men of Amity Park vanish after tiring of their boyfriends or business partners; an episode of He-Man and the MOTU, where He-Man and Teela find a society run by women where men are treated as slaves; and Zelda, Ocarina of Time, where the Gerudo Tribe is stated to be all-female except in very rare cases. 

My main issue with this trope is that it pretends to be feminist. The trope will, from what I see, always occur in a show that is already male-dominated, either by ability or numbers (for example, many harem anime have a male protagonist; despite being outnumbered by female suitors, the girls are often just there to be potential love interests at their core). Bringing this trope in and ultimately scrapping whatever changes occurred by the end is saying, “See, things wouldn’t be any better if women dominated things,” and then not changing anything. It doesn’t help if the solution is moved forward by men and women working together, supposedly sending a message of equality when there wasn’t much in the first place, and it’s especially annoying if the characters (in that episode only) pretend they live in a world where men and women are equal. 

I can make an excuse for Danny Phantom in that most of the women in town were under spells at the whim of the ghosts, who were in foul moods because of the men in their life---which is understandable! But it does put women and women’s emotions in a bad light when they go overboard and use their powers to make all the men vanish. However, I’m still annoyed that by the end, no dynamics had actually permanently changed; for example, Maddie was no more assertive with Jack, and Sam and Jazz played coy with Danny when he asked what happened. 

I can’t make any excuses for He-Man. The episode starts off with Adam and Teela talking about how nice it is that they live in a world where men and women are equal (comparing it to Earth, where Adam’s mother hails from and where men were allegedly superior to women). This of course is ridiculous; there are few recurring female characters compared to men, and of those, only two get to occasionally fight---compared to the men, who are involved in battles much more often. Anyway, the duo is captured (Adam taken to the mines, Teela to meet the Queen) when they come upon a matriarchy. Teela tries to appeal to the Queen’s reason, saying that men and women are equal and society would be better if the genders worked together. (Another thing I wanted to mention---no female society in fiction I’ve seen has walked around shirtless, no matter how long they’ve gone without contact from the outside world.) Things happen, and Adam turns into He-Man to stop an explosion, finally convincing the Queen that men are useful. The Queen frees the men from the slave mines and announces their integration into society, promptly deciding to marry one of the men, who immediately disrespects her by saying, “I thought you’d never ask.” Again, this episode demonstrates an unwillingness of the creators to acknowledge their own show is sexist, and is more pandering to feminists by producing a female-dominated episode and saying, “See, women and men are needed,” without attempting to fix the male dominance of the show in the first place. 

Finally, the Gerudo Tribe of Ocarina of Time isn’t so much an example of this trope in particular, but rather how even in a place where women outnumber men, men are higher ranked by ability alone. The Gerudo are all female, and powerfulu warriors at that, but when a male is born into the tribe, he is automatically made leader by virtue of his gender and not his ability. The women are, in this way, automatically ranked lower than the only man in the tribe. 

So yeah, that’s my issue with this trope lol 

[smolgaysnake]

i’ll drive for you all night; kidsquad

for @idontneedtobeforgiven, who requested kidsquad with no apocalypse 

alicia waits for her mother to invite her home. the day before her last final she receives an email with two typos, asking what day she’ll be home. she packs her bags and takes her test and rides with the girl who lives two doors down in the girl’s boyfriend’s two door sedan stuffed to bursting with plastic tubs and trash bags of dorm materials to the tiny storage space they’re splitting even down the middle. She pays her half at the front desk and chats absent mindedly on the ride back to downtown berkeley.

They pull up in front of the bart station and a horn blares when alicia opens the door and climbs out, hiking her rucksack up on her back. “Going home?” the girl asks.

“I guess,” alicia answers. She stands in front of the doors with a bus ticket in her hand and frowns at the cracks in the sidewalk. Someone jostles her and she turns away from the station, walking up shattuck.

++

She pays four dollars for a joint  in peoples park and lays around in the grass with the hipsters and the homeless and the other straggler undergraduates until the sun dips low and she doesn’t cough anymore when she breathes in deep deep deep and holds until her chest spasms the smoke back out of her mouth.

she’s not even surprised when nick’s head appears in the cloud she’s watching drift away in a cloud of red and purple sunset. “Look at this,” he says, sort of peering at her. “they do say its genetic.”

“your hair’s clean,” she says. she thinks she should sit up but just sort of curls up on her side, pleasantly floaty and too faded to get mad at him for not showing up at family night like he promised he would ten months before.

“not the only thing,”  he says, and flops down beside her. normally she would hold out for a long slow while to make them both suffer but today she rolls over, wiggling until she fits into the circle of his arms and can nose into his chest and snuggle close. “mm,” he hums. “sorry i missed your graduation.”

alicia snorts, then giggles until she hiccups. she pokes him in the ribs, hard. “asshole.”

“it would be way more dramatic if it was four years before i saw you again.”

he kisses her temple, then drags his teeth across the edge of her eyebrow, teasing. She grumbles at him without heat and tangles their legs. she sees people walking by and thinks they must look like just another young couple, caught up in their own little world.

++

“you have a car?”

“i always had a car.” nick jingles the keys, twirling them around his index finger. he plucks the ticket from under the wiper and sighs heavy. “fucking berkeley.”

“i thought you hocked it,” alicia says, sliding into the passenger’s side and shoving the chair all the way back with a grunt. “mom bail you out again?”

“don’t start,” nick says. he cranks the engine over and points towards the highway, crawling through the traffic.

“hows daddy,” alicia asks, sing song, and smirks a little when he pulls a face. “maddie got that new--”

“alicia.”

alicia glowers at the dashboard, huffing. “whatever. not my fault you had to move in and play happy families.” her resentment curls around her words, cutting and angry, and nick sighs.

“come on now. you didn’t really want me hanging around berkeley ruining all that undergrad hijinking.”

“whatever,” alicia repeats, and shoves her sunglasses, big bug eyed and opaque, over her eyes. she slouches and pretends to be asleep when he pulls over at a gas station and buys her the trail mix she likes.

++

“alicia.” madison hugs her, absentminded and oddly soft. “i’m glad you guys got in okay.”

nick clatters in behind her, carrying her bag. “is there food?”

alicia can practically feel the attention slide away from her. “let me make you a plate,” madison says, and goes to the kitchen.

alicia wanders in behind her. “where’s travis?”

“business,” madison answers, brisk. her tone goes gentle. “nick, do you want soda or juice?”

++

alicia takes a bath. she hasn’t done it in ages, but madison is cooking something french and overly complicated in her eagerness to play happy families again and she’s still smarting at nick for reasons she can’t articulate.

she finds a bottle of bubble bath under the sink and fills the bathroom with steam and the tub with soapy lathered suds and sinks into the heat with a sigh. the water sloshes gently against the sides of the porcelain and she sinks all the way under, eyes scrunched shut and exhaling air bubbles in a stream to the surface. she wiggles her toes and feels her chest tighten, her head gone distant and buzzy.

nick pulls her upright with a yank, palms slipping for grip on her shoulder and her side. his fingers nudge her breast when he shakes her. “what the fuck, licia?”

she drags her hand over her face, wiping away the water and wincing when she blinks soap into her eyes. “what the fuck Nick? privacy much?”

he glares at her, his hands fisted at his side. “can’t you just... ?”

she glowers back. his eyes slide down her torso and widen slightly before snapping back to her eyes. she stands, water sluicing down her skin, and they lock gazes, twin stubbornness.

“nick,” madison calls, “alicia. dinner!”

he throws her a towel on his way out, pink behind the ears.

++

alicia goes to pick up chris from his mother’s house. she watches them together in the driveway, the way she fusses and how he preens even as he blushes and swats at her hands, the way she kisses his cheek and how he clutches her in his goodbye hug, desperately firm and still so carefully gentle.

alicia isn’t sure if they should hug or not so she stays in the car to avoid the entire situation. “i heard someone has summer school,” she says, five minutes in, because she’s her brother’s sister and they’re the both of them assholes. there’s a fading bruise around his left eye socket and the knuckles on his left hand are reddened, the middle split. she touches the cut, shining with ointment, gently with the tip of her finger so he knows she’s a little sorry, even if she’ll never say it.

“i heard someone was alone on family day,” chris says, offhand. “poor little middle class good girl on an academic scholarship.”

“asshole,” alicia says after a moment. he leans his elbow on the compartment between the seats and nudges at the arm she leaves resting on the gearshift. they grin at each other at stoplights.

++

alicia sleeps too long and naps while rereading old books she hasn’t cracked in years, faded pages and her cramped pre-pubescent handwriting in the margins; pressed wildflowers at the end of each chapter. time feels slow and maple-sticky, dreamlike.

nick pads into her room one day when she’s laid across her bedspread. he’s spinning a daisy, plucked from the neighbour’s yard, between his fingers, and he tucks it behind her ear before sliding onto the mattress and pillowing his head on the tiny swell of her belly. she smoothes his hair, working out the small tangles until it’s silk in her hands, her nails tracing the curve of his ear, tickling the skin of his throat until he shivers and nips at her.

the floorboard creaks while they’re napping and she’s not sure if she dreamed it or not but she saw chris in the doorway, watching, stuck between shock and yearning.

++

nick comes to dinner wild eyed and rambling. he laughs too hard at his own jokes and mumbles to the empty chair to his left. madison eats while looking at her plate with her napkin pleated neatly in her lap and alicia fumes at her meatloaf while chris sticks his fork repeatedly into his mashed potatoes. when nick giggles he snorts.

++

alicia storms chris’s room at midnight, dragging her credit card against the jamb until it opens in her palm. “chris,” she hisses, sliding across to his bedside and only half tripping over a pair of sneakers. “chris.” she pokes him.

“fuck off,” he mumbles, sleep creased and ruffled. “wasn’t that locked?”

she takes him to the park, hopping from foot to foot while he stammers and blushes and makes her turn around while he drags on jeans over his boxers (blue with grey stripes, cute enough she arches an eyebrow at him while he pulls on a t shirt and hisses at her to stop looking). she tugs him by the wrist when he goes for the front door. “haven’t you ever snuck out before? it’s traditional.”

she goes first out the kitchen window, the sill scraping on her back, the small drop to the ground jolting her knees. chris clambers down after her, less graceful but more athletic. “it’s cold,” he says, and she thinks about teasing him, but before she can come up with something he’s shucking his zip hoodie and draping it gently around her shoulders.

they swing on the swingsets until she gets bored and then lie down shoulder to shoulder on the picnic tables. she falls asleep with his hair brushing her cheek and his hand on her hip and they wake up dew frosted and shivery, jogging home giggling and falling into his bed together, burrowing for warmth.

++

nick throws up on alicia’s bed. she rolls him off on the floor onto his stomach, cusses him out, and stomps to chris’s room. he lifts the duvet up and spoons her while she shakes and cries a little and hates, hates, hates.

++

“i got kicked out of school,” chris tells her, scuffing at a rock in the parking lot of a seven eleven. she slides two ice cream bars from her sleeve and they duck behind the dumpster to eat them, squatting in the gravel. at the end of it she lifts up his wrist and licks a melted streak of vanilla from the bottom joint of his thumb before it can drip down his arm.

“only one more year,” she offers, gentle.

“yeah,” he mutters. he shoots her a little sly smile, then produces two airplane bottles of vodka from his pocket and dimples when she laughs wide and smiling.

++

they get drunk huddled into the plastic hollow tube in the sandbox playground, skin sand-chalky and backs hunched. alicia has half a joint left from berkeley and he makes a roof with his hands to block the wind while she lights it. when he reaches for it she sucks in a big hit and holds it, eyes inviting, until he tips his lips towards hers and flutters his eyelashes against his cheek.

++

nick drops her backpack onto her stomach, waking her with a jolt. “i can’t be here anymore,” he says, manic and gesticulating too much. “i can’t, i can’t, i can’t--”

++

“i can’t,” he mumbles, two hours later, voice hoarse, shivering from the spray of the shower. “please, leesh.”

++

alicia opens chris’s door. it’s never locked anymore, and his look softens when he sees her. she stands in his doorway and looks at his room, messy in that teenaged boy way that smells like awkwardness and too much cologne. she extends her hand to him, little girl pleading. “come with us?”

++

alicia drives first. they go to a diner and she plies nick with black coffee and dry toast and sneaks the pineapple from chris’s plate until he notices and brandishes his fork at her. they throw nick in the back to sleep it off and she pops bubblegum while chris unfolds the maps from the glovebox, at least ten years out of date. “where are we going?”

chris traces his finger along the spiderwebs of freeways and highways. he folds the map up and sticks it into the door pocket. “wherever you want.”

++

“where am i,” nick asks, flat on his back on a motel six bedspread. he turns his head sideways and sees them siting crosslegged on the bed beside him, leaned against each other and watching a movie on the television. “and you were there, and you...”

chris throws him a package of salted cashews and a bottle of water. “throw up in thomas if you have to.”

nick turns his head the other way. a plastic bin sits on the mattress beside him, a post-it stuck to the side. thomas it says, in alicia’s handwriting. “he prefers tommy,” alicia says, completely serious, “and he’s into some kinky shit.” she giggles and chris snickers into her shoulder. the bottle of scotch they’d stolen from travis before they’d left rolls empty off the bed and clunks on the cheap thin carpet.

chris nuzzles into her throat, teeth first, tipping them back and off balance. nick throws up four times into the trashcan, retching and wheezing, and chris and alicia lie wrapped up in each other, stretching his shirt collar to ruin to rest her cheek on his bare chest, his fingers skimming her ankle and up her shin, feeling the prick stubble of the fine hairs on her legs.

++

chris drives the next day. the unfold the map on nick’s bed that morning, over his prone body, and he covers alicia’s eyes with one hand while he spins her. her finger taps down on the map. “so it is,” he agrees, and she flicks nick in the forehead until he wakes up cursing them.

nick sleeps in the back, pale and shaky, occasionally spitting up bile into a paper bag. alicia slides the passenger seat all the way back and props her feet up on the dashboard. he buys her bubbagum at the gas station and watching her blow big pink sugary bubbles in his periphery vision, her sunglasses sliding down her nose and the window rolled down to ruffle her hair.

++

they pull over into a big gas station, a trucker’s stop, and eat shitty hotdogs. nick takes one look at them and pulls a jacket over his face, blanching. they tilt their chairs back and sleep just like that, turned towards each other, fingertips just barely touching in the space between.

++

nick is himself again. he kicks chris to the backseat for questioning his abilty to drive and then alicia to the backseat because he looked so mopey to be alone. they pass sunflower seeds to each other when he’s not looking and spit the shells at his ears until he sends them both to the backseat for being assholes and they pout at him in the rearview mirror before falling asleep in a heap, seatbelt pulled out and twisted, limbs tangled.

he drives for a long time, into the night, smaller and smaller roads, until they’re the only car on the freeway and the radio crackles while his headlights eat up the road. he rolls down the window and tastes the night air and hears himself think for the first time in a long long while.

++

alicia wakes when he touches her shoulder, gentle. she rubs at her eyes, and mumbles his name. he undoes her seatbelt and helps her up, murmuring as she toddles into the motel room and faceplants into the bed. he goes back out and chris is out like a light. he hefts him with a small grunt and mutters about powerbars and protein shakes while he carries chris into the room and lays him out next to alicia, who’s already asleep again, snuffling. he tugs a blanket over them and puts the television on low to keep them company while he goes down to the 24 hour liquor store on the corner.

++

alicia finds the bottles the next morning and hurls them at nick in the parking lot while he ducks and dodges and calls her a crazy bitch. she screams that he’s a junkie and a disgrace and she hates him, god she hates him.

nick storms off when she starts crying because she’s not wrong and everyone knows it--he knew it before she did.

++

alicia leaves chris sleeping and finds nick by the vending machines. “what are we even doing?”

nick snorts, lighting a cigarette. “when have i ever known, leesh?” he rocks back on his heels when she shoves him, palms to his chest and fingers twisting in his shirt.

“what are you doing,” she asks, teary eyed, “why are you doing it?”

“i don’t know,” he repeats, retreating, “i don’t--” she tries to slap him and he grabs her by the wrist, twisting it up against her back and pinning her down on the picnic table. he’s pressed against her spine, hard against her thigh, lips on the back of her neck. “sshh, shh. it’s okay.”

“nick,” she mumbles, her stance widening. her hips cant. “nicky, please.”

“i’ve got you,” he murmurs, spitwet and heavy breathing, nudging her feet wider while she squirms and pleads and comes apart from just one finger, how well he knows her, her jeans around her ankles and bent over, hands on the edges of faded splintery wood and her panties hooked to the side.

++

chris pays for a real hotel, one with a tub, and shuffles up to alicia with a tiny bottle of cheap shitty bubblebath and a shy quiet smile. she walks backwards, step by step, their pinkies hooked. he trembles when she undresses him, a puddle of clothing at his feet and his weight leaned on her when he steps free of it.

he’s careful when he undoes her shirt, her bra. he looks at her for permission before gently tugging her underwear down and kneels to free her feet from her socks, dotting a single kiss on her anklebones before standing again.

she cradles him to her in the bath and they drift lazy for so long he goes soft, floating in the water between her hips. when the water goes cold she takes him in her hand and coos in his ear and he stammers her name, pleading until she gives him permission.

++

nick wakes up when they climb in on either side of him, smelling like cheap bubbles and hotel shampoo and each other. they hook a leg over both of his hips, overlapping, and he feels chris’s tongue, hesitant and curious, tasting his skin just below his jaw. alicia sinks her teeth into his shoulder with a growl, claiming. “i’ll pick where we go tomorrow,” he says, voice rasping, and when they hum agreement it’s pitch perfect, harmonized.

[gods-favorite-autistic]

Calling all fellow autistic people for yet another poll

rb for a larger sample size as always, shout-out to @b33sal0s3r for inspiring this, thanks for voting!

[gods-favorite-autistic]

How the hell did I get on gay k/j-drama tumblr

[gods-favorite-autistic]

New vibe unlocked: Watching YouTube during the middle of the night while chugging the juice of a fruit punch flavored Juicy Drop Pop like a flask of alcohol and having thrown away the actual popsicle because it tasted like somebody literally took a piece of vomit and blended it with the popsicle flavoring to make it and it also had a texture that made it feel and look like it had been sitting out in the open for like three days despite having bought it that very day

[gods-favorite-autistic]

I love evil little autistic characters who have implied religious trauma and more than just a little queer romantic tension with their sidekick and/or partner in crime and/or best friend who may or may not know about their actions who is usually bisexual but appears to be painfully straight

[gods-favorite-autistic]

I wish there was a way to tell some of my teachers that I’m more scared of the big ass birds that just sit around the school while everyone’s waiting for the buses than I am of them

Look at this guy

He’s gonna pick up a small child one day and just take them away

[gods-favorite-autistic]

I touched my face weirdly and now my face feels Wrong™️

[gods-favorite-autistic]

I made this post and my for you was like “oh you don’t enjoy the shirtless foreign gay boys? Well how about a foreign girl in a SUIT!”

Tumblr is so certain I’m gay it’s just not sure in which way yet

How the hell did I get on gay k/j-drama tumblr