#m gonna post those too i guess i need something that isn’t just tired and sad over here

[beeinatrenchcoat]

i need enrichment in my enclosure im sooo fuxking. unenriched

[luimagines]

I’m wondering how the boys would deal with you getting sick/wounded?

Masterlist

A lot of protectiveness that's for sure! Mixed in with some self doubt and anxiety! But lots of care and gentleness just for you!

Since there isn't a specification, I'll try to write platonically but I'm still on a crush roll so if feels come out or are implied, then I'll take full blame and pass it on to the previous prompt.

I’m gonna try something with this prompt and only write three guys per part. The other parts will be out shortly with the others but I don’t want to only post like once every other week even if I’m trying to write everyday because they’re so many of them. I do want to write them all! But it does take awhile.

SO! If I like this system I’ll keep it but it’s a trial run.

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, PART 1

Scenario under the cut!

Sky

Sky was running through the forest, slashing down all the monsters that were within his reach.

You, Wild and Twilight on top of Epona ran past him, chasing the black lizalfos that caused this whole mess. He stayed back, knowing that speed wasn't his strong suit. Between all the skeletons, lizards and all the keese that started showing up in the mean time, he was sure that he was more needed here to keep the monsters from reaching you.

He kept his focus on the fight and moved with practiced motions.

Monster began falling under his blade, left and right, front and back. He was no longer paying attention to where his teammates are. Just the motion and and the thrill of the fight to guide him, all other senses forgotten, he missed your cry.

He didn't know you turned back.

He didn't know you came to fight next to him.

He didn't see the monster coming up behind him-

"SKY!" He was suddenly pushed to the side, the ground coming up to meet him with dirt shooting all over his face.

He hears you cry again but in pain, and once again when he hears you hit the ground.

Sky gets to his feet as fast as he can and spins around.

There you are, on the ground, hand clenched around a growing red blotch on your other arm. You're glaring up at the skeleton that came from behind. Your sword is on the opposite side to you, but it doesn't matter much if your dominant arm is out of commission.

The skeleton shakes, as if in laughter even if no sounds comes forth from the monster. Sky sees that the skeleton no longer has its attention on him but on you. It raises its arm, sword raised and sharp and begin to bring it in your direction.

Sky grits his teeth and swings his sword.

Metal clangs against metal and Sky is surprised to see the amount of force that was behind the initial blow. It nearly sends him back to the ground but he merely slides a few inches backwards instead.

He chances a glance down at you and knows that you won't be able to fight beyond what already transpired.

The battle around him lessens somewhat, the sounds dimming until he only hears the blood pumping in his ears.

He's tired.

But Sky was never one to be a quitter. With one final push, he puts al of his weight into his next strike and knocks the skeleton away from their stalemate. While it's struggling to gain its balance, he slices upwards and cuts the entire thing in half.

He takes a step back and glances around the battlefield.

The others are making quick work of the monsters still standing. He trusts them to finish the job so he turns on his heel and kneels beside you.

"Let me see." Sky pulls your hand away from the wound. It goes down your bicep and across your elbow. He can't tell how deep it is, but it's long and bleeding.

"I'll be alright." You try to smile and get up. Sky doesn't let you. "Better me than you anyway."

"Not true." He glares at you. Sky is quick to take out his supplies and bandages and begin to work on your arm. He feels angry even after the monster has been dealt with. You shouldn't have gotten hit. You shouldn't have gotten hit on his account, he amends in his head. "It'll never be true."

"I've had worse." You shrug and hiss when he takes out his personal disinfectant and applies it to your wound. He's running low, but it's the best he can do since he's not the one carrying the healing potions and he can't do what Hyrule does, period.

He doesn't feel good about your answer and by the look on your face, he knows that you know it too.

"Why did you do that?" Sky asks after a moment of silence. He refuses to look at you head on. He knows he's still glaring and he doesn't want to aim it in your direction. He's too tired to try and hide it like he usually would with any other person. You'll just have to put up with it.

"You were gonna get hit." You reply, watching him work. "What was I supposed to do? Just let that happen?"

"You didn't have to take the hit for me. Yelling would have been fine. Let me know that it was there so I could deal with it." He growls.

"I tried." You stress and nearly pull your arm back when he puts a little more pressure on the cut than necessary. He keeps you close though so it's not like you succeed. "I yelled your name like three times. It's not like I wanted to push you face first into the dirt. If I let that thing hit you, you would have been given a way worse hit than this stupid cut on my arm."

Sky flexes his jaw and begins wrapping said stupid cut. He's inclined to believe you and he's sure that you're right. But....

He's allowed to not like it.

"Can you stand?" He asks, letting some of the anger fall from his face. Sky makes a quick evaluation over himself and realizes that he's relatively unharmed. A bit bruised, sure, but nothing worse than that. Certainly no blood drawn on his end.

You nod, grab your sword with your good hand and begin to get up. Out of habit, you instinctually put your wounded hand behind you to stabilize yourself and fall back down in pain.

Sky makes the executive decision to pick you up bridal style and carry you back to the others.

"SKY!" You cry and thrash around. "My injury is on my arm! I can stand just fine!"

He takes one good look at you then and shrugs. "You couldn't even get up. I don't mind."

"It's not about if you mind or not!" You continue. "It's the principle of the thing!"

He doesn't reply. Sky just looks away with a smirk, under the guise of looking for the rest of the group.

You catch on and stutter out some kind of argument but he tunes it out.

He sees Wild and Twilight back, angry and lizardless.

It's fine, he thinks. Because you're all together again and getting closer to figuring this whole thing out while putting a stop to it.

You begin to beg to be let down, unless the others make some kind of comment about it. But Sky feels the little voice inside of him to let it happen anyway.

Pay back for taking his hit.

Better you than him, HA! Not if he has anything to say about it.

Wild

Wild was on a roll!

After a successful dungeon raid (he's getting better that those), a great meal enjoyed by the whole team and no lecture about ditching the group, he on a golden streak! Nothing can get him down!

He continues to have a large grin on his face even after everyone has eaten and begins to settle down for the night. Everyone seems to be in good spirits.... except for you.

After you ate, you tried to keep up with everyone's good fortune and attitude but something felt wrong, you said you didn't feel good so you called it a night early, seemingly forgetting that it was your turn to take first watch.

Wild doesn't think much of it at first and continues with his nightly routine.

It's really only when it's right before he plans on going to bed that he notices something. The others that are still awake are quick to notice it as well and each of them share concerned glances.

You began to curl into yourself as you slept. Nothing weird about that, right? Maybe you were just cold but then... You started to whimper and grunt, like you were scared and in pain. A cough here and then but it doesn't spark any idea of what might be bothering you.

Twilight is the first to get up and make his way toward you but you wake up first, shooting to your feet with a frightening speed and all but stumble and crawl away from the camp.

Wild stands at nearly the same speed and begins to make his way towards you as well.

You don't get very far until you start coughing even more. It's a deep and wet cough that leaves you gasping for air but it continues on.

Then you vomit.

Wild sprint towards you then and helps hold whatever hair he can get to back and away from your face. Twilight is right next to him suddenly and he's rubbing circles on your back while you cry and continue to retch.

A few minutes pass but they feel like an eternity to Wild. He looks over to Twilight and grimaces. "Was it something they ate?"

Because if it was then this is on him. And he doesn't like the thought of causing you any sort of discomfort. Let alone getting you sick.

Twilight only shrugs and helps you stand straighter when you're done throwing up everything that you had eaten the day prior.

You're crying, whimpering and hugging yourself but Wild doubts that you're really aware of what's happening.

He places a hand on your forehead and gasps in shock.

You are absolutely burning up.

"You're sick." His eyebrows furrow and he begins to hold you steady when Twilight leaves you to him.

"...I don't feel good." You reply, but you haven't looked at him. You're eyes are still half lidded and it leads him to believe that you're still somewhat asleep.

"Ok. We'll help you, ok?" He says as he begins to lead you back to your bed roll.

" 'm cold." You say as you move back to where you were sleeping before. "An' everythin' hurts."

"I know. We'll make it better, I promise."

Twilight appears out of nowhere with his wolf pelt and places it over you, helping Wild get you back into your spot and tucks you in.

"Guess we'll stay here tomorrow as well." Twilight mutters. "No use pushing them any further, not like this."

"How long-?" Wild begins to ask but he doesn't know if that's even a question that can be answered. He tries anyway. "How long have they been sick?"

"They were a little weird yesterday..." Twilight admits. "But I didn't think much about it."

"What? Why?" Wild turns to his friend, brother, mentor. "Why not call them out on it? If they're sick-"

"I wasn't sure if I was just seeing things. We're all a little weird from time to time. I can smell a lot but this is always a toss up." Twilight glares a little as he defends himself.

"What do we do then?"

"We do what we can." Time answers from beyond the fire pit. "Some of us can make a supply run to the nearby town we were going to stop at. Get something to help that fever and maybe some tea to help that cough. Being at the town would be the better solution, seeing as the outdoors are not exactly illness friendly but the terrain isn't worth hauling them over. It might even do more damage."

Twilight nods in agreement and stands. "I can take a few of the boys and make a supply run. Get some more things that we might being running low on."

"Got any ideas of who to take?"

"Warrior, Legend and Four. They know the best way around merchants and quality buys. I say they're our best bet for the good stuff."

"I'll pay." Wild pipes up, reaching just beyond your bed roll into his for his sheikah slate.

"Cub, that's not necessary-"

"I'm paying." He growls and takes out a good amount of yellow rupees. "They need medicine. Medicine that we don't have and we can't afford their fever to get any worse."

He all but shoves the cash into Twi's arms and leaves it at that.

Time and Twilight share a look but neither comment on the aggressiveness of it.

There's not a lot of words to be spoken after that. Time takes the first watch and Twilight goes to sleep with a call to wake him up if anything happens. To you or to the group, Wild doesn't know. Knowing Twilight, maybe he means both.

Wild has trouble sleeping and has trouble forcing himself to leave your side.

After much deliberation, a long study of your pained face even as you sleep, he gets up and fixes the fire.

Time simply watches and lets him mess around as he pleases, so long as he's quiet.

Wild doesn't pay attention to him and gets his slate out for the ingredients he's looking for.

He starts by making tea. Honey, lemon bark, ginger, all for the your cough but he hopes that it'll help your fever as well.

When the tea sits and begins to steep, he takes out more cooking supplies and begins to cook more meals for you. All light and mostly fluid. It's a lot of soup.

He can't bring himself to sleep when you might need someone by your side again.

They were lucky the first time that some of them were still awake.

The shifts changes out without his notice. Wild is too busy filling up the inventory that he has with meals that are intended to help you fight this infection.

Day light comes and those who missed it learn of the prior nights events, the plan and get ready to carry it out.

Wild makes a belated breakfast when he realizes that most of the group is awake.

They're all staring at him but he shakes it off.

His highest priority right now is helping you come out of this stronger than before.

He's your personal nurse for the day and until you get better.

The others don't try to fight him on this. They couldn’t even if they tried.

Legend

Legend takes a minute to pause from firing his magic rod. The magic in it leaves him feeling a little drained from the amount of shots he’s been taking but the monsters are thinning out, so he continues plowing forward.

He leaves a particularly nasty looking thing, from an era he doesn’t recognize, as a pile of sloppy purple gluck on the ground.

When he looks up, his heart stops in his throat.

You’re right in front of him, fighting one of the biggest moblins on the scene, alone.

You’re trying to keep yourself on your feet and do some damage to the beast in the process but the blood comes back black, staining your sword and ground around you.

You’re fighting a losing battle.

He makes a run for it and fires what he can at the monster’s back until he’s completely tapped out of his magic.

He switches for his sword and activates his Pegasus Boots, charging directly into the monster’s side, plunging the blade deep within the creature up to the hilt.

“Hey Legend. Fancy meeting you here.” You grit out and slash what you can at the beast.

“Sorry, I should have told you I’m known for being fashionably late.” He fires back and attempts to take back his weapon.

His sword gets stuck on something within the monster and he’s forced to leave it in. The moblin has since been made aware of arriving company and takes a swing that would have taken Legend’s head off. He’s quick to duck under it and he calls out to the others for back up. “THIS ONE’S INFECTED! A LITTLE HELP WOULD BE NICE!”

“What a concept.” You gasp, out of breath and losing steam. “Back up would have been great like five minutes ago.”

“Well I’m here now, aren’t I?” Legend knows he’s quick on his feet and dances around the monster and to your side.

But it’s a miscalculation.

The moblins takes another swing at Legend in the process but since he doesn’t hit his target, his arm arcs outwards and knocks you finally off of your feet and sends you flying across the field with a sickening crack.

Legend stops for a second in shock and stares at where you landed.

You’re not getting up.

Now Legend is the one fighting this thing alone, with his sword still in the side of the monster, back up still not arriving yet and worse yet, the group is now down a number.

He doesn’t have time to reflect how it might be his fault that you’re down.

He hopes you’re not out and that the others comes quickly.

There’s a shot that takes the moblin by surprise when it’s imbedded in his head. Legend can’t risk taking glances around anymore but the quick succession of the blows let him know that Wild has appeared from out of the wood work and has joined him in taking this thing out.

Legend makes around circle around it and reaches for the hilt of his sword. IT”s wet and covered in its blood but he manages to get a grip on it.

He pulls.

He knows that it would have taken a lot to take it out but the blood around it seems to have lubricated the wound and it begins to slide out. As it inches out, Legend has to take another dive out of the way since the moblin swings back his way.

The sword is no longer plugging most of the wound, so it’s more  like a fountain of ink that beginning to paint the forest floor.

Legend suspects that he hit something vital and that the blow would be final if he can get the rest of his sword out.

Luckily, despite the lack of communication, Wild and Legend seem to reach a consensus. Wild distracts the moblin for a while and Legend goes for his sword and takes out as much as he can before the moblin takes his aggression out on him.

Somewhere in the middle of this Warrior has also appeared and begins to add to the distraction while using Legend’s fire rod. This allows Legend to get more time out of the small windows that his team is buying them but the progress if slower than he likes.

The blood on his hands makes it harder for him to get a grip on his sword and his boots are having a hard time gaining purchase on the ground as it turns to bloodied mud. 

Legend makes another dive out of the way and glances over to where you are.

You’re still not moving and no one has reached you yet.

Concern fuels him forward and he makes one last attempt to pull the sword free while the other damage it as much as they can.

It releases.

Legend goes flying backward and onto the ground, making quick work of getting back to his feet and attacking the beast.

The blood around his hands and sword are beginning to dry, almost gluing them together this time as he fights and he fights.

Somewhere along the lines of this, the news of an infected monsters reaching the others, Legend assumes, and one by one the others clamor up to the monster and begin to strike it down.

Now with all of them here, Legend takes a step back and steps out of the fray, leaving the killing blow to be dealt by the majority of the group.

Instead, he runs to your side.

Legend drops to his knees by your side and drop his sword somewhere behind him. He’s quick to take out his bag and rummage through it. He takes out a potion just you groan and roll over.

Legend lets out a sigh of relief, and a curse.

The moblin dies somewhere behind him.

“Legend...” You cry out. “Are you dead?”

He has to keep himself from snorting in disbelief. “Of course I’m not dead! It takes a lot more than that to kill me you know.”

His hands are shaking but your eyes are closed so he doesn’t make a show of trying to hide it. Your hands are over where your ribs are, a bit of red seeping through your fingers, but it doesn’t look major considering the amount of time that’s passed.

The potion will take of it.

“Were you not hit? You’re ok?” You ask in delirium, using all the strength you have left to sit up. Legend is quick to help you and places the potion in your lap with the cork off.

“No, it was really just you that took the hit.” Legend sits back and watches you drink it, slowly and robotically. He takes a minute to look over the rest of you and realizes that you don’t actually have a lot of injuries.

Just a few large hits.

“Oh my god, what happened to you?” You blurt, eyes wide and potion half drunk, threatening to spill over the lip of it with how you’re holding it. “Are you sure you weren’t hit?”

Legend tilts his head and looks down.

He’s absolutely disgusting.

He knows it shows on his face the minute he sees it but he forces himself not to think about it and instead, looks back at you.

“Believe it or not, none of it is mine.”

You stare for a moment or two longer before slowly returning to drink the potion you were given. “Remind me to never piss you off.”

The comment send even more relief through his system, shutting down the last of his adrenaline and he has to laugh. 

Legend has no idea what conclusion you came to but considering the amount of shock and awe on your face by the sight of him, he doesn’t plan on correcting you any time soon.

Part 2 Part 3

[softluci]

talking to myself

[to begin, i wanna give a TW for mentions of m/rder, as well as s/icide and s/icidal jokes and thoughts; i know that i personally make a lot of jokes like these and so do a lot of my friends and people in general, but i also know that this can be really triggering for a lot of people, so if you are one of those people, this is not the post for you. take care of yourselves.] 

i’m, like, 100% sure that this is something associated with younger people, but in case it isn’t, i’ll just talk about myself. so, i talk to myself a lot. like, a lot. even more than i used to now that i’m alone a lot of the time. and the things that i say (and my friends also say), while they have no basis in reality, they are thoroughly unhinged. and i know that. but! i also find it incredibly funny and i wanted to do a set of headcanons for an mc who talks to themselves like that. some examples of things i say, some of which are things i picked up from my friends, include: 

“you’re sick” (/neg) “this is deranged” “the derangement” “i am insane” “i can’t take it anymore” [sobbing] “this is getting annoying, i need a fucking gun.” “i’m gonna kill myself and ruin everyone’s day.” “and it’s like, why, you know?”  “i’m gonna start killing people” “oh my god, i’m totally buggin” “get the FUCK—” “every day, i am provoked to rage” [unprovoked, uncontrollable laughter] “this reality...it wants me to be a murderer.” “i will kill.” “i don’t wanna” “it’s an illness that you have” “i would kill myself in front of you and permanently alter the trajectory of your life.” “it is time for the immense power of violence.” “don’t make me get violent~” “okay so just die then.” “i’m gonna rip you apart with my teeth.” “i’ll just die, that’s fine.”  and so on, and so forth. 

this is kinda long, but whatever, mc is gn, let’s have fun.

lucifer 

lucifer liked to think that he’d gotten used to you and your tendency to speak with little to no thought. he didn’t love this about you, but he certainly learned to expect it as the days went by. what he didn’t know, however, was that you talked to yourself. his guess was that you’d been refraining from doing so around him, as there was literally no other explanation for what had just happened to his state of being.

he was on his way to the kitchen, just to get some coffee before heading back to his office, when he heard something hit the floor. it didn’t sound like anything broke, so he wasn’t too concerned, but, nevertheless, he quickened his pace. 

he was not prepared for what you said, nor the venom you said it with, as he heard—

“this reality...it wants me to be a murderer, an instrument of evil...fine.”

you definitely weren’t expecting him to approach you as quickly as he did and grab your chin the way he did, but he was making sure you weren’t possessed. upon finding out that, no, you weren’t possessed, you’d just dropped a spoon, he took about seventeen points of psychic damage. 

mc, he is old and tired and he’s not used to this new flavor of humans who like to say the most deranged things they can think of whenever they’re slightly inconvenienced. you are shaving decades off of his life. he can’t tell you to refrain from doing that because you have been, so he is going to take it upon himself to try and make your life easier whenever he can. hopefully it’ll work, and you won’t be moved to unhinge yourself from your sanity the next time you make a small mistake. 

mammon

mammon is around you often enough to know that you talk to yourself every now and again. nothing too out of the ordinary, maybe some comments about the homework you were working on or whatever you were doing on your d.d.d. he was also around you often enough to know that the things you said weren’t always well thought-out, or thought-out at all. he wasn’t judging, he had no place to, he knew that, but—you know, he can’t say he was prepared for this. 

he was on his way to your room, as per usual, when, as he got to your doorway, you were overcome by something vile and you said, “i will kill.”

he has never burst into your room faster. he’s in your face, he’s yelling, his hands are on your shoulders, he’s this close to thrashing you around in hopes that whatever evil crawled inside of you while he wasn’t looking will come flying out—

what...did you say? you made a mistake on your homework? you made a mistake on your homework and your next course of action was to make anyone in a 300 foot radius think you’re possessed? you’re more boneheaded than he thought, and you should feel ashamed at this moment because this is the resident bonehead speaking. moving on, though. 

how can he make you into a happier person overall so that this doesn’t happen? if you don’t know, he’ll just attach himself to your hip so he can find out. congratulations, he’s never leaving you alone.

levi

levi is no stranger to saying things he doesn’t mean in moments of stress—this is just what happens when a person spends a lot of time playing games online. he’s said some pretty off-color things during matches, strings of curses, and the like, but he has never said, nor heard anything like what just left your mouth.

“i’m gonna start killing people.”

at first, he didn’t really react, giving you a quick glance and asking, “in the game, right?”

upon being met with silence, he looked to see you gripping your controller too tightly to actually use it, and asked again, “in the game, right?”

you blinked, apparently freed from whatever rage induced trance you slipped into, and turned towards him, “did you say something?”

he blinked at you once, twice, like the gears in his head were turning, and then—hysteria. 

he has you pinned to the floor with your wrists above your head, horns protruding from his scalp, and he is screaming—who are you, what have you done with mc, tell him your name before he summons lotan, leave his friend alone, and so on and so forth. he was interrogating you before you could even process the situation enough to feel fear. 

once he got over the bulk of his panic, he heard you screaming back at him, telling him it was you, you weren’t possessed, just talking to yourself, and let go of your wrists before he breaks them—he understood, kind of. he has no idea why you’d choose a phrase like that for when you’re annoyed, but at least you weren’t possessed! his henry was safe after all ^_^

he was so relieved that it took him a few seconds to realize he was still…pinning you down…and straddling you…so, naturally, more hysteria.

satan 

he’d actually grown fond of you and your tendency to speak with no thought or regard for the consequences of your actions—mainly because it stressed lucifer out, but he was fond of it nonetheless. it made you all the more interesting, more fun to talk to, and it helped him read you better. he liked to pick you apart by way of conversation, and he liked to do it as often as possible. 

presently, he was on his way to the library to meet you. the two of you were set to talk about a series you decided to read together. as he approached the doorway, he heard your voice, but no one else’s. he smiled in place of a laugh. were you talking to yourself? how cute—

“every day...i am provoked to rage unimaginable. why?” 

before you could even finish exhaling, he was above you, holding your face in his hands. from the glow of his eyes, you could tell he was barely keeping it together, but you had no idea what was wrong. did he hear what you said?

he said your name carefully, swiping his thumbs under your eyes. “have we been spending too much time together?” 

he was rubbing off on you, in the worst possible way. how could he have allowed this to happen? what has he done to you? where did this anger of yours come from? it has to be because of him. it would hurt, but he would distance himself from you at once, if that’s what—

“ah, did you hear what i said? i talk to myself like this all the time, satan, i’ve been doing it since before we even met. sorry if i frightened you.” 

he blinked, hands dropping to your shoulders. he was relieved, but so, so confused. 

“well,” he started, “then let’s talk about that instead.” 

asmo 

if you’d been refraining from talking to yourself around lucifer, you definitely did it for asmo too. there was no one in this house who wanted to see you angry less than he did. anger was such an ugly emotion, wasn’t it? he much preferred sadness; it was easier to manage, both in himself and others. 

of course, he could never think about being angry or sad when he was with you! how could he, when he’s with one of his favorite people? presently, he was on his way to your room to pick you up for one of your weekly outings. oh, you left the door open for him and everything! he was about to call out to you, but then he heard you talking to someone—he had no idea who it possibly could’ve been because he had no idea you could even sound like that when speaking to a sentient being. 

“i will rip you apart with my fucking teeth.” 

he had his arms around you before you even knew he was in your room. it seemed like a hug, and in a way, it was! the intent was to keep you in place so you couldn’t run away, rather than to comfort you, but it’s not like you could tell; his arms were around you all the time anyway.

“mc, light of my life, apple of my eye, who are you talking to?”

you twisted in his hold to face him, “i talk to myself all the time, asmo, you can ask anyone.”

he hummed, staring at you for a while before changing his hold on you into an actual hug. 

“you had me worried for a minute, darling~”

he didn’t really believe you, but he figured he would know if you were lying, and he could definitely handle whatever vile thing wormed its way into you while nobody was looking. best case scenario, he really didn’t have anything to worry about, and worst case scenario, you started speaking in tongues in the middle of majolish. if the latter happened to occur, he was strong enough to purge a lower demon from your body. it might hurt a lot a little , but at least you’d be safe!

beel 

for the most part, beel didn’t feel any particular way about your inclination to say words with no thought behind them. it was just something you did, like anything else was; he accepted it the same way he accepted everything else about you because that’s what friends do for each other. however—he would be lying if he said you didn’t upset him at times. 

like today—he was set to do his homework with you, on his way to the living room with an armful of snacks, when he heard something like the tip of a pencil breaking. it didn’t bother him, but it seemed to bother you. a lot. 

“i—i’ve had it, i’m gonna kill myself and ruin everyone’s goddamn day.” 

all of his snacks scattered across the floor when he dropped them to get to you. his hands were on your shoulders, but he wasn’t grabbing you. fortunately (or, unfortunately), belphie did this around him all the time, so he knew what to do, albeit it wasn’t much. 

slowly, he pulled you into a hug. not a crushing one, but enough to keep you from going anywhere. 

you started to explain yourself, telling him you do this all the time, that you didn’t mean it, that you were fine. it did nothing to reassure him because those were all of belphie’s usual phrases, but he appreciated the sentiment. 

“i know,” he started, pulling away from you. “i’m just making sure you don’t go anywhere. i like having you around. that’s all.”

belphie 

alright, this house isn’t big enough for the two of you. he is the vocally unwell person around these parts, he is the one who everyone is concerned about at all times, thank you very much. he was the one who made the jokes about death. he was the one with the concerning one-liners. that was all him. he wasn’t proud of it, he didn’t like the fact that things were this way, but it was what it was. he didn’t want you to be like him, and yet, there you were doing exactly that—even if you didn’t know. 

he was in your room, in your bed, actually— unbeknownst to you—because he was having trouble sleeping. you were somewhere in the house, on your way there, and once you arrived, it seemed like you were stressed. he didn’t know for sure, but he had a hunch that something was just eating away at you because as soon as you came in the door, you threw your bag on the ground and said—

well, you didn’t say anything, at first. the first thing you did was laugh. it was unrestrained, loud, and completely void of joy. and then, you said, “i can’t—i can’t fucking do this, i’ll just die, that’s fine, that’s okay.” 

he sat up faster than he has in the last century, deciding to be merciful and overlook how hard you gasped when you saw he was there. 

“belphie? why are you in my room?” 

he stood up, approaching you at a snail’s pace, “i couldn’t sleep, i was waiting for you, next question—why did you say what you just said?” 

before you could even start your usual explanation—you do this all the time, it’s fine, you’re fine—he was speaking again. 

“and don’t—don’t even try that, ‘it’s fine, ask anyone,’ shit with me, that’s my go-to, so you’re gonna have to come up with something new.” 

he looked at you expectantly, reaching behind you to close the door, locking it soon after. 

“belphie—”

he pulled you to your bed, falling onto it with you and holding you in place. 

“i have been doing this for much longer than you, and i will be doing it for a long time after you. i’d like to postpone the latter for as long as possible, so i would appreciate it if you talked to me.”

[daaziscoolbesties]

[REPOST] MY 2K WORD COMMENTARY/ANALYSIS OF RANBOO’S LORE STREAM

‼️‼️This post contains lore spoilers from Ranboo’s 4/23 stream, “The Enderwalk Saga. Chapter 1: The Lessons”. If you haven’t seen that stream don’t read ahead unless you want spoilers‼️‼️

disclaimer: this isnt really an analysis as much as a bunch of commentary and half-baked theories.

-on the way to the mansion he was sort of talking to himself saying stuff like "i'm good i'm good" which m a y be a normal thing but also maybe it's not and it flew over our heads cause he talks to chats and donos like that so often

-again, this one may just be a normal thing but when he was climbing up the stairs in the mansion looking for foolish, he repeats some of his words like down to the exact same tone of voice and everything. 12:42,  "this mansion is way too big actually. this mansion is way too big actually." (why the repeated actually? seems odd to me but again it might just be a normal thing that i haven't picked up on). (right after) "okay okay lemme find him lemme find him" again repeated words in the e x a c t same tone.

-does everyone know about ranboo's silk touch hands ability thing? or was that just a techno and ranboo main character moment. bc if it was, how would foolish know that ranboo could pick up the full cake after it'd been partially eaten. unless everyone on the sever knows about that in which case this means nothing. but if they d o n t know... how would foolish know? ranboo wrote about it in the do not read book so maybe if it's not a publicly known thing maybe foolish got his hands on the book and read it??

-14:53-ish, they're talking about the war room and how it was for tubbo or whatever and ranboo says, and i quote "he prepares for lore but he's never gonna do it." now funny thing is at first i couldn't tell if he said "war" like in reference to the war room or "lore". but after playing the clip over and over i can say with ALMOST 100% certainty that he said lore. there is a definite L sound at the beginning of the word. which either means a) this was a slip up (doubtful bc he said later that there were no mistakes), b) he broke the fourth wall because they were supposed to be rping at that point, or c) i'm completely wrong and he said "war" which leads down an entire other road of possibilities

-15:17 "are you a book reader?" "*checks inventory for do not read book* uh yeah i'd say i'm a book reader-" dunno how i didn't catch this the first time I HATE THAT DAMN BOOK

-15:18 there's blue in his hotbar. where did he get the blue.

-16:40 "it's like a metaphor- i have two minds: i have my normal self, my normal little shift-dancing self, and then the builder one. the builder one is demanding. it's a very demanding mind." ranboo then lets out a weird sigh after this. i feel like what foolish was talking about was an indirect(?) parallel to ranboo in and out of enderwalk, there's how he normally is, trying to do best for others, and then there's enderwalk, meeting up with bad guys and "demanding" things (its very late as i write this i really don't know what i'm talking about)

-17:11 "you have your panic closet" i'm sorry his what now 😀 no but seriously how the hell did i miss some of these

-18:04 "you're asking me if i remember?" very funny ranboo thank you for making jokes in these trying times

-18:25 WHY DID HE GET OUT THE AXE WHEN STARING AT THE BEE

-19:38 why did foolish hold the grass block- most of these observations probably mean nothing but- h u h - is that- i'm too tired for this

-19:54 "i never properly thanked you for the deal you made with me" so foolish got something out of this deal, we're not sure if ranboo did. "the green cardboard box" again do you mean dream's house- but seriously the only people i can think of on the server that are associated with green are dream and sam. and i have no idea what cardboard box could be referring to.  foolish got a lime colored shulker from drista

-20:30 "we're supposed to only talk about it at a certain location" hmm now where would that be? panic room maybe? cause like usually after doing a big thing in the enderwalk state ranboo wakes up in the panic room so maybe?  the deal was that they only talk about it in his house

-21:52 how does ranboo receive(?) the lessons? like are they whispered to him in his mind or is he seeing them as words in front of him like we see? hmm

-"Lesson 14: If you have the opportunity to gain a favor, take it." "gain a favor" don't you usually ask people for favors though? how does one "gain a favor"? anyways i'm pretty sure lesson 14 has to do with the deal foolish was talking about. (the deal explained because i now have info: at some point a bit ago foolish met up with ranboo and asked to make a deal, he'd gotten a shulker box from drista. the deal was that ranboo would have ownership of the box, it would be under his name but foolish rents/borrows it indefinitely. ranboo negotiated that if he took ownership of the box he would get a "war favor"  from foolish where if something happens that creates sides, ranboo can ask him a favor that could change his side. but why would foolish want ranboo to have ownership of the shulker you may ask? well i have an answer for you. a theory actually but still. basically since drista technically isn't supposed to give out shit on the server if someone where to have that stuff then they may get in trouble. foolish wants to be able to use the shulker but if it gets found he doesn't want to get in trouble, so he can blame it on ranboo seeing as it's under his name.)

-22:16-ish "i still have this from when you *can't understand whats said here*" well i guess that sort of explains why he had the grass block? idk man (info update: he had the grass block from when ranboo threw it at him telling him to calm down like what ghostbur does with blue)

-31:35 "i figured out how to cause it" how to cause the enderwalk state

-38:30 "ninety three lessons" I STILL DONT KNOW WHY HE KEPT SAYING NINETY THREE AND NOT NINETY FOUR AND ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY LMAO

-39:01 "it's all for the greater good" okay well when are you gonna start thinking about yourself and not everyone else for once huh. self care bitch.

-40:31 he started holding the axe when he was looking at sam- gonna say it i really don't like that axe ahahah- WAIT A DAMN MINUTE THE AXE IS NAMED "axe of ender" I DONT LIKE THAT I DONT LIKE THAT AT ALL

-41:53 is there something?? physically keeping him from telling sam??? or maybe it's sort of like his enderwalk state taking control to make him shut the fuck up??? so many questions and approximately zero answers

-43:18 ranboo raising his voice legitimately scares me 😀👍

-"Lesson 27: Do not reminisce on what you have lost for it will weigh you down." showed up when he was thinking about and REMINISCING about the community house 👀👀

-"Lesson 53: Never fully trust anyone." showed up literally after he said that he thinks he can trust the other people on the server enough to tell them about what he did

-"Lesson 67: Leave no evidence of what you have helped with." this is different from the others because there doesn't seem to be at least a semi-direct connection to it? unless maybe at the time ranboo was near something he may have "helped with"? not sure about this one

-"Lesson 94: DO NOT LET THEM KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE" yeah yeah i get it i get it he's fucked up some shit in enderwalk i don't feel like analyzing this thanks

-OH OH NOTICE HOW HE SAYS "REMEMBERING" WHEN THE LESSONS SHOW UP. IMPLYING THAT THIS ISNT A NEW THING, ITS HAPPENED BEFORE AND NOW HES REMEMBERING IT. MAYBE HE WROTE DOWN THE LESSONS WHEN HE WAS IN ENDERWALK AND NOW THAT HES BEEN EXPERIMENTING ITS BEEN EASIER FOR HIM TO REMEMBER THOSE ENDERWALK MEMORIES

-okokok the experiments are that he's been e x p e r i m e n t i n g on how to purposefully induce the enderwalk state. and we know now that it wasn't from the pain of the water because on the stream afterwords he said that it's caused by the intense fear of something happening. and so the "side effects" of the experiments is that since he's in enderwalk more often(?) he starts remembering more things from it

-OH MY GOD WAIT "there is a reason sam, there's so many reasons, theres ninety three of them" (44:47) WHAT IF EVERY LESSON IS TIED TO A QUOTE UNQUOTE "reason" THAT RANBOO THINKS HES A BAD PERSON/NEEDS TO BE LOCKED UP BUT HE SAYS NINETY THREE INSTEAD OF NINETY FOUR BECAUSE THE NINETY FOURTH LESSON DOESNT HAVE A REASON YET/HE DOESNT REMEMBER IT HAVING A REASON

-dude honestly the whole sam part hurts so much this man is scarily good at acting

-46:46 "i cant put you in the prison you wouldn't be able to see michael anymore" bestie that's the point he doesn't want to accidentally hurt michael or tubbo in the enderwalk state—

-okay but there's no way that sam couldn't tell that ranboo was at least TRYING to confess to something- i feel like he definitely knows more than he's letting on because usually like when people do bad shit or admit to doing bad shit he's like in Prison Guard Mode™️ (he literally cut off ponk's arm because he stole some keycards or something) and whatever and idk what he knows but he definitely knows something and is trying to protect ranboo. or he's trying to manipulate him or smth either one works—

-50:38 "you are a good person" "i am?" you can hear my heart shatter. "yes you are" "i don't think so sam" "i do, even if you don't" "i really don't think so" and there it goes again

-51:25 hello badboyhalo i see you to the left of ranboo

-52:44 "but then my curiosity got the best of me" curiosity killed the cat, bitch

-52:54 "there's ninety three, ninety four, ninety- theres so many reasons!" SEE!! NOT ONLY ARE THERE THAT MANY LESSONS THERE ARE REASONS THAT CORRESPOND IM S O SMART—

-52:56 "i don't want to remember anymore!" *quietly brings forth my theory that when ranboo loses a canon life his memory gets wiped*

-53:13 "ive opened pandora's box" isn't the prison?? literally called pandora's VAULT??? so this m a y be a stretch but i'm thinking that maybe this could be taken in the literal sense that he "opened" the prison and let dream out (the sirens at the end of quackity's stream confirm that dream is indeed out)

-53:42 mans just straight up walked through a ghost i—

-55:37 so are we just gonna ignore the eleventh page of the book? "he's alive, but hopefully soon dream won't be"??? alright nevermind it's most likely bc when tommy came back he recruited ranboo in his plan to kill dream

-55:47 notice how he writes "what am i?" as opposed to "who am i?" no elaboration here idk what it could be

-56:08 just so it's clear for anyone who doesn't know- he's wearing armor at this point, and i'm like 90% sure that when he wears his armor water can't hurt him. and i saw someone say somewhere that like with splash potions when thrown it turns into a gas-like thing? so again, it didn't hurt him, he didn't get hurt. he said in the chill stream that he wasn't comfortable making it where his character had to hurt himself to do that. the thing that causes the enderwalk isn't pain, it's intense and sudden emotions like fear and stress. thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

[marina-roslinka]

This is my first time writing something like this, so it's a little bit sht, but I'm posting it anyway since I promised it to you guys. 

Michael, Trevor, and my rant.

The first thing I want to say about those characters is that I believe they meant to be together, they cannot exist without each other. Yes, I know it sounds like cheesy line from romantic novel. But before you roll your eyes, let me explain.

Let’s remember their signature colors: blue and orange. You see, I think they play a big part in understanding them as individuals and as a relationship and their dynamics. You can read about the color analysis here if you like to.

I personally want to look at it from a little different perspective. To be more precise about elements Fire and Water: Trevor represents fire and Michael is water of course.

Those two men have a different understanding of what life is supposed to be and what it means to be alive. Trevor being a fire element is always trying to rile up Michael, making him angry and emotional like himself.

Michael on the other hand obviously thinks that Trevor is too much, that he needs to calm down and too bright, too hot, that eventually, he will burn not only himself but also everyone else around.

We see examples of that a few times throughout the game. For example when he tried to convince Trevor to change his current lifestyle and “grow up” and it’s not good for him.

“M: Alright man, here we go. Tough love time. T: I'll take it tough, I'll take it sissy, I'll take it any way you're giving it. M: When you gonna get it together, bro? Most guys as they get older, they pull their foot off the gas. T: You always did like to judge people. M: I ain't judging, I'm trying to help. T: Help with what? You think I need help 'cause my lifestyle is worse than everyone elses? M: The speed, the horniness, the killings. T: You kill, and you satisfy your urges - only you think you're above everything. Tough love time! M: Fine. Fine! You think what you like. But you know I care, and you know I tried.”

Going back to the whole "They can't exist without each other" thing.

Why?

Too much fire you will burn. Too much cold, you will freeze. This is the exact reason why I think that they need each other. To create a balance. Again, you can clearly see this in the story. Michael is depressed, sad and bored out of his mind by the pool.

Trevor is crazier than ever with no direction and no purpose. Just pure chaos.

“T: Mas o menos. Michael didn’t have a nerve back then. I didn’t have a direction”

It’s obviously not perfect since they both are fucked up people.

You can describe Michael's attitude towards Trevor with the same example. You can love fire for numerous reasons, right? You can look at and feel calm, feel warm or maybe it helps you to reflect on yourself. However, fire is also very dangerous. It can be unpredictable. One spark can light the fire and it may not even possible to stop it.

But Michael is able to.

Throughout the game Michael said and done things that made Trevor very angry. Like, other people would have been dead angry. He can make him change his mind or even stop him from killing someone. Because, as I said, he represents water.

This is why I believe that Michael’s fear of Trevor is not usual. He is afraid of those big sparks that out of his control like when he betrayed him for example. He was afraid Trevor would find him and kill him. Part of him believes he deserves it because of all the guilt. Trevor is the face of karma and he came back to collect the debt.

However, thirty seconds in the car since they left the house he felt that everything is ok and that he is not in any danger so he had no problem with insulting and overall being an asshole to Trevor right away.

Unfortunately things not that easy and simple as always. They can be good for each other just as bad. Fire can be dangerous to water and water can be dangerous to fire. (This is why Trevor doesn’t like to take showers xD) It reminds me of all those scenes when they get angry at each other, but stepping away so they won’t hurt one other.

I am going to leave Fire/Water here, just keep it in mind for the rest of analysis or whatever this is. I’ve never done it :D

Now for the ultimate question. Do I think they love each other or they hate each other?

Well… Just as their history together it's complicated.

The very moment Trevor pulled the trigger of his flare gun with no hesitation, Michael definitely knew that Trevor is a dangerous person. Then he definitely knew Trevor has serious mental issues.

Why did he stick with Trevor before and even after? Well, the most obvious answer is that he just cares about him. They instantly clicked together or as Lamar said “Love at first sight”.

The other thing that played a part in Michael’s affection at the start is that Trevor is like a shining loud toy for Michael's brain. I see M as someone who grasps at every opportunity to experience intense emotions. Trevor is like a walking time bomb that won’t explode around you. It also perhaps made Michael feel special. It’s not healthy but happens to people nonetheless.

I believe that Michael does love Trevor, but he also hates the things that he does and Michael hates himself for still loving someone like Trevor.

“Why do I love him why do I care for him, I'm not supposed to. He is a horrible person. He is a monster. What is wrong with me?”

The other thing is very common for people to have desire to help another person who's hurting. No matter how much messed up they are we still can feel sorry and I'm sure Michael felt the same and still feels the same. This also leads to his frustration about Trevor.

“Why can't you be normal? I had a hard childhood but I didn't turn out that bad”

He’s also repressing his feelings because of internalized homophobia. In addition, it's just frustration on top of frustration on and on.

Michael hates himself for many things he's done. When Trevor came back he got so overwhelmed that all of this just start boiling inside of him. And when you can handle it he just surrenders to the common emotion – anger.

(It seems to me that fans expect Michael to figure out why Trevor is doing this, why he says that what real feelings are behind the words and actions. You know, be the wise one. )

At first glance it may seem that Michael does not care about T and I can see why. Since the game does it like we see Trevor as the one who tells the truth and Michael as the one who lies. Especially on the first playthrough you can easily fall for this little manipulation. Because of this we perceive Michael as a liar. I mean, yeah, he uses lies as a defense mechanism. Therefore, it’s natural for us (and Trevor) not to believe him when he said “I care. I missed you”.

Trevor is a liar too. Yes, I know, shocker.

The most common thing I see people say about Trevor is that he is a loyal person. All because of this rule about “brothers”. Nope. Maybe he likes to say that, but in reality he is not.

Take Brad as an example. Bless him.

Trevor talked about how he planned to stop working with Michael, but pushed him away because he thought he would leave him. If you hang out with Lamar, T admits he was literally going to kill Brad. Not like Michael of course. He wasn’t gonna stab him in the back. Just stab him in the face I guess.

Trevor didn't kill Michael, not because of some creed. It’s just because he still loves him and cares about him. In the core of everything it’s just love.

Trevor is obviously a dick to Michael because he's hurt so much. Can you imagine how painful it was, to lose the only person you loved and loved you back? Then to find out they betrayed you. Like, Trevor literally thought, Michael was using him from the start. Though, he doesn't hate M, like he said so many times. Trevor hates himself for being this way, for being not good enough, for Michael to choose him. Again and again.

Betrayal.

“M: I don’t know, man, I’ve made such a mess of things. Constantly…my whole life. Chase things. Get them. Hate them. Chase things, get them, hate them…”

I feel like often people don’t even consider Michael's feelings or mental issues. Trevor also says very hurtful words to M. Yes, he understands the reason behind Trevor’s anger, but this doesn’t negate the fact those words hurt a lot. I mean, he was even offended by the fact T didn’t hug him. As usual, he cannot cope with feeling of guilt and everything again comes down to aggression.

I also want to remind, that despite the killings, Michael didn’t abandon Trevor. He was even letting him to see his children. Also name Tracey is suspiciously similar to name Trevor. Isn't it a display of love? Can you imagine how many times Michael forgave T for doing something crazy?

Well, Michael was just afraid of Trevor hurting him or his family if he tells T they’re done.

Trust me, if M didn’t give a shit about his best friend, he would’ve just killed him.

However, Michael and Trevor's relationship before Ludendorff wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows.

I personally think there were four main reasons:

    1. He was just tired of living the way he did.     2. Safety of his family.       3. The FBI breathed down their backs and suggested him a ticket to freedom.

 In fear of losing Michael Trevor pushed him even more. Most likely thought their relationships could only last if they were connected by the partnership. An example of this is Trevor’s negative reaction to Michael's words that he wants to be done with robberies and make movies.

  “T: I could feel like I was losing you, so I pushed you harder. I thought that how to keep you in the game and I didn’t want to lose you. I’ve said it already, haven’t I?”

 4. As ironic as it may be, in the desire not to lose Michael, Trevor himself turned out to be the last drop, for his best friend’s decision.

Conclusion: they should stop being dumb-dumbs and be honest about how they really feel.

And therapy. A lot of therapy. 

[satan-stop-laying-on-my-laptop]

𖤍『𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕧𝕖𝕟||𝕊𝕚𝕞𝕖𝕠𝕟』𖤍

TRIGGER WARNING FOR VOMIT!

Pairing: Simeon X M!Reader

___________________________________________________________________

  You nervously watched the clock at the front of the classroom that was full of demons, you and most importantly, Simeon, your crush ever since you’ve arrived in Devildom for the exchange program. 

  Thing is, you loved the angel so very much, but you knew he wouldn’t reciprocate your feelings. After all, he was an angel of The Lord, The Lord your parents told you that he would throw you away from the pearly white gates into hell for liking guys. Now, here you are, sitting in Devildom with your angelic crush, that probably would hate you if word of your feelings ever got out.

  You always tried to deny your feelings towards the beautiful angel at first, avoiding eye contact and convincing yourself it was just the anxiety of meeting a new friend. Then those feelings got stronger and you could no longer deny it: You, (F/N) (L/N) are in love with Simeon, one of The Lord’s angels. You couldn’t resist loving him. He was perfect. Dark hair, clear dark skin that was nothing less than perfection, a body that looked like a master sculptor created him, his soothing voice that never failed to make you weak in the knees and his eyes, his beautiful blue eyes that captivated you and stared straight into your soul.

  You didn’t even realize the bell rang until your incubus friend, (Name), tapped your shoulder. Snapping out of your little trance, you look up at your demon friend, who was looking at you with a concerned glint in his mischievous eyes.

  “Hey (Y/N), you okay? You’ve been spacing out lately…” He asked, worried. You nodded with a sheepish smile on your face.

  “Yeah, I just got a lot on my mind…” You replied as you began to shove your books in your book bag. Your friend nodded before asking something that would cause you trouble later.

  “Do you wanna talk about it? We could head to the music room if you want. It’s usually empty.”

  It was a compelling offer. You could tell your closest friend here about what’s been going on in your conflicted brain, full of toxic thoughts, and feel some of the weight of your burden lift off your shoulders.

  “Yeah, Let’s go.” You said after a bit of thought. Smiling, you stood up from your seat, pushing your chair before beginning to follow your friend to the music, which was close to your next class so you didn’t mind a quick vent session here. Sitting on the bench in front of the piano, your friend looks at you, as if to say ‘The stage is yours’. Taking a deep breath, you began to pour out your heart.

  “Well, you see...I really like Simeon, like- not even like, it’s more like love. I’ve tried to ignore these feelings but I- I can’t! They won’t go away and I want to act on them, but he’s an angel of the LORD! A man my parents told me would banish me to the pits of HELL for even liking men in the romantic sense! I- I just don’t know...I don’t want to ruin the friendship I have with him because of my feelings. I don’t want him to see me as a disgusting pervert who likes men…” You vented these feelings to your friend, stopping once the one minute bell rang, signalling for everyone to hurry to class. Standing up, (M/N) smiled and patted your head.

  “I gotta go, but thanks for telling me! Let’s talk more about this later.” The way he acted as he left the room left you confused and worried. What’s with this hurried attitude of his? It’s weird.

  Little did you know, you’d find out during lunch.

  You sigh as you exited the music room and briskly walked to your Devildom History class, which you shared with Solomon and again, Simeon. You loved yet hated that class. You loved the subject and the fact you had two friends that sat next to you, but the teacher’s voice made you sleepy and Solomon is a chaotic bastard, but you had to resist the urge to backhand the bastard sorcerer because Simeon was there and you didn’t him to think you were aggressive.

  Entering your class as the bell rang, you took your seat next to Simeon and across from Solomon, Solomon let out a hum as he watched you sit down in your seat. It wasn’t often you came in late. It’s happened a few times but that’s because you were either using the restroom or had to give papers to a teacher during passing period, but usually you would text him or Simeon if you were gonna be a little later than usual.

  “(Y/N), Where were you?” Solomon asked, looking at you curiously. You shifted in your seat nervously, fumbling over your words as you attempted to make up an excuse as to why you were late. As much as you hated lying, you couldn’t let them know about the little vent session you had because you knew he would ask your friend later about what went on.

  “O-Oh, I just got caught up talking to someone who missed a day and needed the notes.” You lied through your teeth with a smile, praying that your lie was convincing enough for him to noy question you further. Giving you a suspicious glance, he somehow knew you didn’t want to talk about what actually went down.

  “Oh okay, I was about to ask Simeon here if you even showed up to class.” He hummed as he looked over at Simeon, who nodded with a smile.

  “Yes, he was here last period. However, (Y/N), you seemed really out of it. Are you okay?” He asked as he looked at you, a slight glimmer of concern sparkled in his cerulean eyes. Your face heated up a little as you looked to your desk and nodded, avoiding eye contact with the angel you loved oh so dearly.

  “Yeah, just tired, I guess…” You answered as you reached into your bag, grabbing your notebook and pencil case while the teacher entered the room and headed to the front, which was your cue to open your notebook to begin taking notes once the teacher began to teach.

  Devildom History flew by quickly since the notes were short and sweet and you guys had gotten a simple worksheet to do with our table, so it was a breeze for you three. However, next was lunch, which would bring you the most despair. 

  Walking into the cafeteria, you immediately noticed that other demons were looking at you weirdly and whispering among themselves which made you nervous. What were they talking about? Usually, you wouldn't worry about it, but something in your gut told you it wasn't something nice.

  You tried to deny that disgusting feeling in your gut that made you wanna vomit out whatever was in your stomach. You were doing so well until halfway to the lunchroom, you ended up hearing what the other students were talking about.

  "Didn't you hear? (Y/n) has a crush on Simeon." Hearing those words felt so wrong. There was no way they could've known that. You only told one person-...oh.

  You stopped in your tracks, Simeon and Solomon turned to face you, since they noticed you fell behind. Simeon frowned as he walked over to you, clearing not hearing the whispers from the others.

  "(Y/N), are you-" You didn't even stay to let him finish the sentence and you bolted to the nearest boy's restroom, throwing yourself into the first open stall you saw and locking it. Tears were falling down and you felt so damn sick. You couldn't believe it, that bastard betrayed your trust and told EVERYONE about something you weren't ready to tell anyone, this took you months to tell him and now within one class period, the entire school fucking knew about your dirty secret.

  Soon enough, you collapsed on the dirty bathroom floor and began to throw up in the toilet, your body couldn't handle the stress anymore and you just puked out stomach acid since you truthfully didn't eat much this morning. Once the vomiting stopped, you leaned against the stall door, panting heavily as tears streamed down your face in great amounts. 

  You thought you would have more time to yourself so you could cry but turns out no one in Devildom, The Celestial Realm or the Human world planned for that to fucking happen since you faintly heard the bathroom door open and someone step inside. Quickly, you cover your mouth, hoping you could muffle your sobs enough so the person who just entered the bathroom could do what they needed to do and leave without questioning why you were crying in a bathroom stall. Again, you weren't that lucky.

  "(Y/N)? Are you in here?" You tensed up heavily when you heard his voice. You were scared to death. No, it wasn't Diavolo or Lucifer. It was Simeon. Out of everyone, it had to be the guy who probably hated you now. You decided to keep your pride and stay quiet, praying that he would leave.

  "(Y/N), I...I heard what they were saying," Are you fucking sERIOUS- "and, uhm...I want you to know that I'm not mad and this isn't going to tear us apart, if anything, if what they said is true...I like you too. More than friends." 

  What he just admitted made you throw your head back in surprise, causing you to hit your head on the fucking stall door, which made you and Simeon startled.

  Simeon...loves you back? You were so sure he would've hated you for loving him yet… he feels the same way.

  "(Y/N)?!" In a heartbeat, he was outside that stall door, knocking on it. You gently sighed and shakingly stood up, holding onto the metal bar on the side for stability so you didn't fall.

  "...did...you mean what you said?" You asked meekly through the door. Before you come out of the bathroom stall you're hiding in, you need to make sure so you don't make a fool of yourself again.

  "Of course! I wouldn't lie to you, (Y/N)..." You could hear his voice and almost knew he was telling the truth. Taking a deep breath, you gently unlocked the door and opened it, revealing your post-breakdown state to the angel you loved.

  "(Y/n)! Are you okay?" Simeon's hands came to gently rest on your shoulders, his cerulean eyes scanning your frame to make sure you were okay. Gently nodding, you wipe the stray tears from your face as you steady your breathing.

  "Yeah...I just was stressed that I got outed by someone I trusted." You mumbled. Simeon nodded understandingly as he pulled you to his chest, holding you close to him as he gently pressed a kiss to your forehead.

  "I'm glad you love me too, I wish I could've found out through you, though."

  "Believe me, me too."

  We shared a brief laugh at my comment before Simeon pulled back and gently grabbed your hand, smiling sweetly at you.

  "Come on, let's go get some lunch. I'm sure you're hungry, my little lamb." You smiled at the nickname and nodded.

  "Alright, let's go."

____________________

Reposted from my wattpad oneshot book "devildom tales || obey me x reader"

My wattpad:strawberryenby

[razorblade180]

The Real You pt6

[Warning, Parts 1-5 are really old. So their quality is eh...]

Love sucks, that’s the feeling our emotionally wrecked trio was having anyways. Each of them sat quietly while looking at an empty cake tray and devoured bowls of ice cream. They must’ve scarfed down enough sweets to make even Ruby sick, yet not even their slightly upset stomach could compare to the pain in their chest. Love sucked, but here they were, wishing for a way to grab a hold of it with both hands.

Yang sat on her couch all alone and stared at Jaune, who laid on her floor. His eyes fixated on the never ending weeping of the heavens outside. A fitting mood really. Yang still felt like letting her tears flow just a little bit. She couldn’t believe that she got cheated on, again. Technically this would be the first time but the series of events and feelings were scarily familiar to what happened with her partner that it was hard not to draw certain comparisons.

Jaune finally noticed her gaze and stared back. He could tell just from one look how much she was trying to keep herself together for everyone’s sake. He had no doubt that he had truly broken Yang’s heart and that in return made him feel utterly sick beyond belief. How could he do something so awful, sleeping with Neo? The feelings towards the girl in question only made it worse. It was one thing to give your body to someone else that you weren’t dating, but it was far worse when you were also emotionally invested. Jaune couldn’t bear to see the look of sorrow on her face. He’d turn away but Jaune Arc would not run from his mistakes. His lack of judgement got him into this so he would take all forms of punishment to show how much he ached from his decision. Yang Xiao Long deserved better.

Neo sat at the table, watching them both. The girl methodically fiddled with her empty spoon as she tried to deal with her guilt. Why was being a good person so hard? It wasn’t a foreign concept, not completely. Treat others the way you wanted to be treated, don’t let negative thoughts decide your actions, use your talents to better the world; Neo wasn’t sure that last one was possible. The girl pursued a man she loved for selfish reasons, knowing good will those moments of bliss would rot and decay in no time at all, poisoning the very person she wanted to impress.

“You’d think after all those sweets, the three of us would be on any sort of high right now?” Neo said, her head resting on her arms. She didn’t care what response they’d give her. Any words were better than silence. She knew that better than anyone. “Where do we go from here?”

“Dunno.” Yang said, “I can barely keep my own thoughts in order.”

“Share em. No use holding anything in, especially against me. I’ll take the punches, physically or verbally.”

“Okay then. I hate this, this...ache. I hate how much hurting you both are putting me through to the point I wanna scream.” Yang’s nails dug into the cushion beneath her. “Worst part of all? I hate how scared I am. It feels like I’m only a few more events away from living in this apartment with no one but my sister and possibly Weiss to visit me; when they aren’t too busy being in love. Just like…”

The blonde bruiser’s eyes shut tight. Tears managed to escape and her lip quivered fiercely. Seconds passed by before she opened her eyes and looked at her boyfriend. Was he still her boyfriend? She guessed that was to be determined later. Only one thing was at the forefront of her wary mind.

“I want to still be with you Jaune, I do. But for the life of me I can’t think of a way to even begin to go through this. Apologizing doesn’t cut it. Punishing or making some kind of deal with Neo to leave doesn’t fix anything either. I’m so furious but I hate the fact that letting you go is the last thing I want.” Yang clenched her chest tightly. It felt as if everything was pulling her apart and trying to keep her together all at once. “I love you so please, end this yourself.”

Jaune’s eyes widened in shock. “What?”

“You came over here so I can chew you out and break up right? Well if you want this to officially end then you’ll have to do it yourself because I’m dumb enough to still want you.”

“You aren’t dumb.” Neo spoke up, “And I’m the last person to be talking about being fair or discussing hypocrisy, but it’s close minded to think making Jaune shoulder that choice isn’t a form of punishment. Even a blind person could easily see that he loves you too; more than anything. More than anyone.”

It hurt but it was the truth. If it came down to it, Jaune would pick Yang in any situation and Neo would be left out to dry. His feelings for the petite girl are true, but that didn’t matter as long as he had Yang. Not that she could blame him.

“Honestly, I’m jealous of you Yang. Not just because you’re good, but because you are what I want to be. Maybe that’s why I could do what I did so easily? I was tired of feeling beneath you, the girl I wish I could be.”

Neo stood up from the table and looked at Yang’s tired red face before looking at Jaune and shaking her head. “Sorry, for wrecking what you have. We both know I’m terrible for you. If I could make a good guy like you cheat on someone like her then I’m clearly bad.”

“I’m not as good as you think. I would’ve pushed you away if I was.” Jaune sighed. This was going nowhere, fast. They were all about to keep looping this cycle of hating themselves. “Stop treating me like I’m perfect, I’m not.”

“Never said you were, it’s obvious to see though I’m making cracks in your demeanor that weren’t there before. Since I’ve already gone this far when it comes to being a shitty person, no reason for me to start considering the requests both of you have. I’m gonna do what I want, leave.”

Yang let out a groan of irritation. “Neo-”

“You have no intention to stop loving him so what other option could there possibly be? Correct me if I’m wrong but you’re not the type to share, are you?” It was faint but Neo was sure Yang could hear it, the little plea that had escaped in her voice. Neo would love nothing more than to be wrong right now. She wasn’t entirely sure of Yang’s past relationship but it had obviously done a number on the girl.

Yang could hear that twinge of hope in Neo’s voice. She could even see the twinkle in her eye. Neo was practically begging for a life line, a reason to believe that she didn’t have to commit to her claim of walking away. Sadly, Yang could only stare, and Jaune knew exactly why such a question was risky to ask.

“Sorry, I can’t say that I am. That situation is...it burned me before.” Yang said, resisting the painful memories that tried to surface.

Neo’s face went pale. Well, that was it. Her final possible tether to the life and person she wanted to be with, severed in no time flat. She did her best to sound indifferent about it.

“Oh, I see. I...wasn’t aware that there were some rough patches in that subject. Then I guess… I guess there’s nothing left to do. Jaune…”

“Neo…” He knew better than to try to change her mind or make this tougher than it already was. He didn’t have an answer for all three of them after all. It would’ve been selfish and inconsiderate to speak as if he did. Even saying goodbye felt way too...inappropriate, in a way.

Neo put on the fakest smile both Jaune and Yang had ever seen in their life. “Thanks for believing in me, both of you. Even though I flopped the moment I tried to change. It was nice, having someone take the chance anyways.”

With her feelings in the open, Neo turned towards the door and grabbed the knob. Her hand stayed on that knob, her fingers refusing to grab it as her entire body trembled. She knew they could hear her sniffle. Neo knew that she was taking entirely too long, but even with nothing left to say, leaving felt so painful. She took one final breath and then found the will to step out of the apartment, the sound of her footsteps sprinting the moment the door closed behind her.

Yang found no joy in seeing her leave, only more ache. She turned to Jaune who was still staring at the door, his eyes filled with a new kind of sorrow.

“If you’re wondering what things would’ve been like if I had been the one to pick, I would’ve chosen you. Don’t think for a second I’d willingly walk out of your life.” Jaune said, tearing up. “Even so, I would’ve felt terrible leaving Neo’s life. This might sound a little egotistical, but I can’t see her bouncing back from this. Not alone. Not without us.”

“Us?”

“I may have given her the dream of changing, but you were clearly the goal post.”

“Don’t put that on me.” Yang said weakly, “What would’ve happened if she did change? She would still love you, and I would still be worried about losing you.”

Jaune bit his bottom lip out of anxiety. Of course none of them were able to find a solution, they all had baggage and walls that they tried their best not to hit. Jaune was wary, but that might’ve been the problem. Neo never pulled her punches and this day had already been the absolute worst, so why not keep pushing? That’s the thing about baggage, you gotta unpack it eventually. Jaune only wished that it wouldn’t come back to bite him.

“I’m not Blake…”

Yang’s head jolted up. Jaune didn’t need to look at her to know Yang was staring at him with scarlet eyes that felt like they were burning a whole into the side of his face.

“Don’t say her name.”

“Why? It’s not like you haven’t been thinking about what happened with her this entire time. Yang you won’t lose m-”

“YOU DON’T THINK SHE DIDN’T SAY THE SAME THING!?” Yang said, screaming as she stood up in frustrated anger. Jaune had struck a nerve he knew was still very much was like an open wound. He finally looked at the girl, she had his undivided attention.

“You don’t believe that she didn’t reassure me that I had nothing to worry about!? That’s how it starts. They ease your fears, tell you that things are mutual, that feelings are equal; that’s not how that works! No matter how much attention she gave me, it was obvious her mind was on Sun. The looks, the talk, the stories, so I do what anybody would do and confront her about it. We talked and we talked and we talked and we talked until finally I believed that things could work out. Sharing wouldn’t be so hard if everyone really is on the same page right? All three people give the same amount they gain right!? Well that’s not how it works!!! It felt like I was fighting to find a reason to even be around them. Slowly but surely, a wall was being built but bringing up the dynamic again after so many discussions just got so…I was tired Jaune. Her words felt so rehearsed, so lifeless. Up until we have one more discussion because I just don’t think we’ve gotten it right yet. That’s when her words sounded true. When she looked at me and said ‘I can’t do this anymore’ and I knew instantly I was out of the picture. Blake had chose Sun over me a long time ago, I was just stupid enough to ignore the signs! So tell me Jaune, how the hell would this end up any different!? How could you look at me and say you won’t need me around anymore!?”

Yang’s chest rose up and down heavily as she tried to breathe. She refused to be slowly pushed out again, to have her feelings subtly get abandoned for another. She watched Jaune stare at her, his face expression giving off nothing but sorrow, or was it pity?

“Well!?” Yang sniffled, “Say something for fucks sake!”

Jaune walked closer to her. Close enough reach out and wipe the numerous tears that riddled her face. “Because my love for you isn’t fragile.”

He said nothing else. Jaune left her speechless for a moment while he walked towards the door and opened it, scaring her a little.

“Jaune what are-”

“I think a little space right now to think about today is needed. I need that space, but I will come back. Don’t ever doubt that.” Jaune opened the door. “I messed up today, I know that. But don’t you ever doubt my love for you. I swear it never runs low.”

Yang said nothing. She simply watched him close the door. The girl fell back onto her couch, she had to be minutes away from vomiting. Jaune was right about one thing, she did need some space from this situation. As well as some perspective. Yang dialed her scroll and practically begged for her sister to pick up. Thankfully, she did.

“Hey sis, what’s going on?” The cheerfulness of Ruby’s voice felt like the one sunlight on this gray day.

“Hey Ruby. Y..You free to talk?”

“Always, what’s up? You sound stuffy.”

“Oh you know…Jaune cheated on me today.”

Part 5

[yoddream]

the devil to my angel | h.rj

because there’s literally no gif that fits better than this one

pairing: devil!renjun x fem!reader

warnings: uh swearing, pettiness, angst, fluff, drinking, underage drinking (looking at you string bean), honestly I don’t remember anything else i’m sorry

word count: 6k

summary: you’ve seen the cartoons. you’ve also seen your own devil that lived on your shoulder.

a/n: AYYYYYYYYYE ITS HERE!!!! I swear I was gonna post it that night but then my friend needed to get out of the house so I went with her instead, and I’ve been busy with work and errands oops. my b. but here it is! I hope it’s as good as you all expected it to be.

He showed up when you were in kindergarten. Your best friend, Jaemin, had taken the seat next to Jeno, the boy you thought was cute, when he knew you wanted to sit there. You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes when all of a sudden, there was a tiny “pssst!” in your ear. Looking over, you found a tiny boy about your age sitting on your shoulder. He was wearing a red t-shirt, red shorts, and red shoes. He had protruding from his hair, and a tail that flicked back and forth.

“Take the cap off his favorite marker,” he whispered.

“What?” you asked quietly.

“Take the cap off Jaemin’s favorite marker! He deserves it after taking your spot,” he urged you.

“But then he won’t be able to use it,” you said with a pout.

“So? It’s not gonna hurt him or anything.”

He gave you a smile that you couldn’t refuse. So, you went to Jaemin’s desk at the end of the day and took the cap off the pink marker before shoving it back in his pencil box. Your stomach twisted a little, but you ignored it when you looked at the boy on your shoulder. He grinned at you one more time before disappearing.

The next morning, there were wails echoing down the hallway as Jaemin sobbed over his favorite marker having been dried out overnight. The boy on your shoulder was cackling at the reaction, but you felt tears well up in your eyes. He looked over at you and immediately started panicking.

“Why are you crying?!”

“Because I hurt Jaemin. He’s my best friend,” you mumbled. “I feel really bad.”

“He’ll be fine, Y/N. It’s just a marker.”

You still felt bad, so when it was time to color, you gave Jaemin your pink marker. It wasn’t anywhere close to his, but he gave you a giant hug and let you sit next to Jeno, so you felt better. The boy on your shoulder pouted when you tried to make things right, but he didn’t say anything.

It took you a year to find out his name was Renjun, and that was only because you were going to scold him for suggesting something too mean, only to realize you didn’t know his name. After that, he showed up whenever you were upset, giving you new ways to make the people who hurt you inconvenienced in the pettiest ways possible. Whether it was by eating the last cookie when you knew Haechan wanted it after he made fun of you for your crush on Jeno, to emptying the shampoo bottle until there were only a couple drops because your sister made Jaemin cry because he played with your Barbies with you.

You were in college now, rooming with Jaemin and Jeno. It took you forever to get over your crush on the older boy, but you still appreciated his face and didn’t hesitate to cuddle with him during movie nights. Renjun still visited, but there wasn’t much reason for him to be with you as much as he was. The two of you had become friends in a way, but it was still very obvious that he was supposed to be there to help you get revenge.

“So, what am I doing again?” you asked quietly as you stood in line at Starbucks.

Jaemin had taken the last of your frozen waffles—your name was written all over the box so nobody would take them—the other day, so Renjun had suggested messing with his coffee order when the three of you met up for your study date after your morning lecture. It was your turn to order, which made it perfect.

“Ask Haechan to make Jaemin’s drink and add a shit ton of strawberry syrup to it. Then tell him that when Jaemin goes up to order a new drink, make one that’s decaf that looks like his cup of poison,” he told you. “You were going to eat those waffles for breakfast that morning, and instead your stomach was growling so loudly in your lecture that your professor kicked you out. He embarrassed you, and he ate something that was clearly not his. It’s a double whammy.”

It was your turn to order, so you said exactly what Renjun reminded you to say. Haechan had to stifle a laugh as he asked what Jaemin had done, his eyes widening when you explained what had happened to cause you to act out like this. The drinks were made quickly, and you brought them over to the table. The boys thanked you before returning to their books. Renjun appeared in the middle of the table, his silver hair shining under the light as he kept his full attention on the boy with pink hair. You nudged Jeno to watch Jaemin as the boy took a sip of his drink. His face twisted is disgust when the taste of strawberry hit his taste buds. Renjun was rolling around the table, cackling while holding his stomach.

“Ugh, I hate you,” Jaemin muttered as he sent a glare your way before heading to the counter to get a new drink.

“What’d you do?” Jeno asked as he leaned into your space. There was a sound of disgust that came in the direction of Renjun, but you ignored it.

“Told Haechan to put a bunch of strawberry syrup in Jaemin’s drink since he ate my waffles,” you replied.

He snorted and shoved your shoulder lightly. “That one was pure evil.”

“You’re not denying that he deserved it,” you pointed out.

“No, I’m not.”

“I absolutely did not deserve that!” Jaemin argued when he came back with his new drink. You glanced at Haechan, who winked at you.

“You ate my waffles,” you said.

“It was an accident!”

“I wrote my name all over the box!”

Renjun tugged on your finger to get your attention as Jaemin complained to Jeno about you. The little devil crawled up your arm and returned to his spot on your shoulder. You found it odd, considering he could just teleport himself there, but now wasn’t a good time to question it. Hiding him from your friends was difficult, but you didn’t want them to think you were crazy.

After your classes were done for the day, you collapsed on your bed and let out a big sigh. There were small footsteps on the nightstand beside you. Knowing who it was, you didn’t bother to look over.

“What’s wrong, kitten?” Renjun asked from his perch.

Your heart leapt at the nickname. It didn’t matter that he’d been calling you that since you were a kid; his nickname for you made your stomach twist in a good way. It sometimes made your cheeks heat up and your palms to sweat. Your body’s reaction scared you every time, because if you were imagining him—well, you didn’t want to think about it.

“’M just tired,” you stated. “My coursework seems to be growing bigger and bigger every week.”

Your pillow suddenly shifted under Renjun’s weight as he jumped down. His steps were shaky as he tried to stay steady on the stuffed object. You turned you head as he reached you, wondering what he was planning.

“I’m sorry. I wish I could help,” he said honestly before pressing his tiny lips to your cheek.

“It’s okay. I’ll just have to manage my time better.”

“I hope that doesn’t mean hanging out with me less,” he said with a chuckle.

You smiled. “Of course not.”

You took some time to admire him. He was wearing a red button-up that was done up to the collar, tucked into some black slacks, a pair of black dress shoes on his feet. His silver hair was combed back but relaxed. He looked so handsome, but you would never tell him that.

“Hey,” you said. “I have a question for you.”

“Shoot.”

“Why isn’t there an angel to accompany you? You know, like they have in the movies.”

The boy smirked, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Because you’re already an angel.”

You blushed at the comment and flicked him, which knocked him over. “Shut up.”

“Hey, you were the one that asked,” he whined.

You laughed and watched as he returned to the nightstand to pout, arms crossed and everything. Crawling over, you leaned on your elbows and watched as he turned away. You stretched your head enough to press a kiss to the back of his head, and you watch the hue of his shirt crawl up the back of his neck.

“I’m sorry, Renjun. Do you forgive me?” you asked.

The boy turned around and let his arms fall to his sides. “I guess.”

A few hours later, you were working on your homework when you heard the tiny snores coming from your bed. Looking over, you found Renjun knocked out on your UFO squishable. He’d convinced you to get it when you’d gone to the mall a couple months ago, and it was his favorite thing to sit on when you were too busy to give him your attention. Your phone was playing a video beside him, so you got up to turn it off. He stirred, his eyes slowly opening as he smiled at you sleepily.

“Hey there, kitten,” he mumbled.

“Hey. C’mon, you’re falling asleep. Either head home or go to bed,” you told him quietly.

Groaning, he stood up and crawled onto the shelving that was in your headboard. In one of the little cubbies was a doll bed that was comfortable enough for him. There was also a doll’s closet nearby that held some of Renjun’s clothes. With a snap of his fingers, he was changed into red silk pajamas. You decided it was time to go to bed as well, so Renjun made sure to cover his eyes until you were in shorts and an oversized t-shirt. His lips pursed, but he didn’t say anything. You plugged your phone in before turning off your lights and crawling into bed. There was a press of tiny lips against your forehead.

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

///

Having a devil sit in your shirt pocket as you attended your classes was definitely weird. Renjun didn’t need to be there, but he insisted he did in case you needed to get revenge on anyone. It hurt whenever you were feeling especially lonely, wishing he would tell you that he just wanted to spend time with you, but you knew his job demanded him to track you as much as possible. There were times you two were friends, but then he would turn around and act as if he was just there to do his job.

“This lecture is so boring,” Renjun whined as he flopped onto your desk. “Why can’t we go get ice cream?”

You ignored him, continuing to write notes from the PowerPoint. He shoved your pen to grab your attention, but you simply pushed him away with the tip of your writing utensil. Frowning, he sat on your textbook and watched as your pen glided across the paper, the ink looping stains into the surface in the form of words.  You questioned why he would stay when he could do whatever he wanted until the lecture was over. There would be no reason to get revenge while you were taking notes.

When class was over, you headed back to the apartment. Jeno and Jaemin were in the living room with their books out. You collapsed onto the couch between them and leaned against Jaemin. You could feel the smile he pressed to your forehead in a kiss before returning his attention to studying.

“That’s it?” you asked.

There was a chuckle, and then you were being dragged into his lap. You could hear his voice raise in pitch as he nuzzled your neck and tickled you, saying “I love you,” over and over again. You giggled and squirmed in his hold, but he didn’t let go. Jeno was watching from the other side of the couch, smiling brightly. Between your schedules, the three of you didn’t get much time together outside of your weekly movie nights, so moments like this were ones you cherished.

“Satisfied?” Jaemin asked when he finally pulled away.

“Very. So, what movies are we watching tonight?”

The boy holding you froze. You could feel him tense up, and you knew what he was going to say wasn’t what you wanted to hear. “I, uh, I actually have a date tonight.”

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Oh. Okay.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N—”

You waved it off with a smile. “Jaemin, don’t worry. Jeno and I can still have our movie night, right?”

“Actually—”

Groaning, you got up and started to leave. “Fine. I’m gonna go study.”

You ignored their calls to you, closing your bedroom door and locking it. You weren’t upset that they had plans; it was the fact that they didn’t tell you until you brought up movie night. Nobody liked learning about something last-minute.

You were lying on your bed when Renjun appeared. He crawled across the pillow and tangled himself in the hair on the top of your head. He loved playing with your hair, especially when he knew it could calm you down.

“So, what are you gonna do for the rest of the night, kitten?” he asked.

You shrugged. “Probably just watch movies alone and drink. I’ve got nothing better to do.”

“I can watch with you.”

“I don’t want you to get lost in the couch,” you mumbled.

“Oh! I almost forgot! I have a new trick.”

Before you could ask, he was jumping off your bed. You gasped, even though you knew he wouldn’t be hurt, and watched there was a sudden puff of smoke, and then Renjun was standing in your room, human-sized. He threw his arms out as if to say, “Well, what do you think?”

“Renjun, that’s amazing!” you exclaimed.

You jumped up and threw your arms around his neck. He grunted in surprise before slowly hugging you back. His face was buried in your neck as he said, “I won’t get lost in the couch like this.”

You couldn’t help but giggle at the comment. You tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let go, so you guided him to the bed. He immediately laid the two of you down, pressing close to your side. It was the complete opposite of how he usually acted, so you were concerned.

“You okay?” you asked.

He nodded and said, “I’ve never hugged someone before. It’s nice.”

“O-oh. Well, feel free to hug me anytime.”

A couple hours later, Jaemin knocked on your door to let you know that he was leaving. You told him to have fun, making sure you didn’t sound upset. Jeno showed up shortly after, telling you he was heading to work. You vaguely remembered him mentioning needing to pick up shifts since hours were down, which would explain why he was working a night he usually didn’t. Once they were gone, you and Renjun headed to the kitchen to make snacks before starting your movie night. The way he moved around was awkward, as if he didn’t know how to act now that he was human-sized.

Once everything was ready, the two of you curled up on the couch, blankets thrown over your laps. There were two different kinds of alcohol on the coffee table, along with three kinds of snacks. Your heart raced as he threw an arm around your shoulders, but you ignored it as you clicked on a random movie. Immediately, you grabbed a bottle and took a swig, wincing at the burning that slid down your throat. There were eyes boring into the side of your head, but you ignored it and grabbed some fries instead.

About half an hour into the movie, Renjun stated, “Humans are weird.”

“How so?” you questioned.

“Does she really dress up as her brother every day? How the hell do her teammates not notice?” he asked.

You couldn’t help but laugh. “Boys are dumb, Renjun.”

“I’m a boy.”

“You’re not a human boy.”

He let out a sigh and pulled you closer. “Thank god.”

You didn’t know how much time had passed when you reached the bottom of the one of the bottles. Neither of them anything more than halfway filled, but it was still a lot of alcohol to have consumed. You put the bottle down and reached for the other, but a hand on your wrist made you pause. You looked over to Renjun, who seemed worried. Rolling your eyes, you grabbed the bottle and took a swig.

“I’m not taking care of you tomorrow,” he told you.

“You never do,” you pointed out. “I’ll be fine.”

The room was spinning, despite you not moving. Your head felt heavy, so you let it loll to the side. It hit Renjun’s shoulder, but you didn’t bother to move it. You could hear him mumble something, but you were too drunk to ask him to repeat it. Instead, you closed your eyes and let the alcohol lull you to sleep.

Jaemin and Jeno walked through the door, feeling exhausted. Jaemin had been stood up, so he went to Jeno’s job and waited for his shift to be over before they went home. The two of them looked at the sight before them and sighed. You were slumped over, passed out. Both bottles were empty, all the snacks were gone, and the TV lit up the room with the main menu of your favorite movie. They looked at each other before stepping forward to clean up the mess. They knew you weren’t upset about them leaving you alone on movie night, but they couldn’t help but feel bad. You wouldn’t have drunk so much if they’d been there, and you definitely wouldn’t be so hungover tomorrow.

Renjun watched as they cleaned, making sure to move gingerly around you, even though the three of you knew nothing would disturb you when you were in this state. He then looked at you and frowned; watching you drink like that scared him. You didn’t do it often, but when you did, you went pretty hard. He didn’t know what he would do if something bad ever happened to you while you were in that state.

///

“No.”

“But—”

“No, Renjun. I’m not doing it.”

“But he gave you a low score!” the devil argued.

You were sitting at your desk, staring at the test that you had taken a couple weeks ago. You had studied for it, but the questions were super hard, so you weren’t surprised to see the mark. Renjun, however, wanted you to get revenge.

“I deserved it, though. Looking at everything now, I can see where I messed up. It’s completely on me, not him,” you told him.

Renjun huffed and crossed his arms. “Fine, but you better do whatever I suggest next time.”

“To him or in general?”

“Both.”

Rolling your eyes, you headed to the kitchen and looked through the cupboards for something to eat. You could hear Jaemin and Jeno start to whisper to each other harshly, but you ignored it. You were looking for your favorite cereal, but the box wasn’t there. Confused, you glanced around and found it sitting the recycling bin. You slowly turned around to find your roommates holding cereal bowls, looking like deer caught in headlights.

“Jeno poured it,” Jaemin said quickly before going back to eating.

“Dude!” the other boy cries out. “Y/N, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know it was yours. I thought Jaemin bought it!”

“For her! I bought it for her!”

Without a word, you grabbed your keys, a sweatshirt, and your wallet before walking out. Your slippers made a shuffling sound as you walked through the apartment building and down the street to the convenience store. There, you bought your favorite cereal, a new gallon of milk because you knew you were running low, and some candy. Renjun appeared on your shoulder, a devilish grin on his face. How fitting.

“What’s the plan?” you asked as you walked back to the apartment.

“I was thinking of dyeing his hair to match Jaemin’s?”

You couldn’t help but grin. “That’s a step above petty, isn’t it?”

“It was your favorite cereal.”

“You’re just suggesting it because you’re still upset about Jeno rejecting me.”

He scoffed. “He turned down a perfectly good girl. How else was I supposed to react?”

You could feel the blush heating your cheeks. “I don’t know, like you don’t care? I thought you weren’t supposed to worry about me?”

“After spending fifteen years with you, do you really think I wouldn’t care about your feelings?” he questioned.

“Guess not.”

When you returned to the apartment, the boys were nowhere to be found. You remembered that Jeno had to work again, and Jaemin was driving him to work, so you acted fast. Luckily, the hair mask that Jeno used on his bleached hair was already a pink color (because Chenle bought it from an expensive salon store and there was no way a broke college kid with hair that desperately needed hydration in his hair would turn it down, no matter the color) so you mixed in some of Jaemin’s hair dye and put everything back in its place before carefully shoving the trash to the bottom of the can. You then entered your room right as Jaemin came back, so you were safe.

You woke up to a scream the next morning before your door was thrown open. Sitting up, you looked at Jeno’s hair, a hand flying to your mouth to stifle your giggles. His blond locks were now a pastel pink, matching your best friend almost perfectly. There was a deep frown on his face as he stared at you.

“My hair? Really?” he asked.

You got out of bed and walked over, running your fingers through his hair once you reached him. His eyes closed at the feeling, all tension from his body leaving immediately. You smiled and said, “You look good in pink.”

His eyes opened halfway and he stared at you with a grin on his face as you scratched his skull lightly. “You sure know how to get me to calm down.”

“We’ve been friends since we were five, Jeno. I’d be concerned if I didn’t know how,” you stated.

“Did you put it in my hair mask?” You nodded. “Well, I guess I can keep it pink for a while.”

“Honey, you don’t really have a choice.” You stood on your toes to whisper in his ear, “Just don’t eat my cereal again,” before pressing a kiss to his cheek and leaving your room.

Renjun appeared on the couch in the family room, his facial expression similar to what Jeno’s was a couple minutes ago. “What the hell was that?”

You shrugged, knowing the boys could hear you. He rolled his eyes and asked, “You realize you just flirted with him, right?”

“So what?” you mouthed.

“I thought you were over him.” You nodded again. “Clearly not if you’re acting like this.”

You scoffed as you poured yourself some coffee before making a bowl of cereal. Whatever you did shouldn’t make him so angry, so you weren’t worried about it. If he was mad, that was on him. You could live your life however you wanted, so if you flirted with Jeno, you flirted with Jeno. There was no harm.

You decided to work on your homework, hoping to get it done before Haechan’s frat’s party. All the guys were going, so you were excited to hang with them. Jeno and Jaemin waited for you to finish your homework before leaving for the party. Renjun was back on your shoulder, dressed in a red sweatshirt and black skinny jeans. The sweatshirt was oversized, practically swallowing him. He looked adorable, but you couldn’t say anything without the others hearing you, so you just had to settle for looking at him as much as you could.

Before you even stepped on the property you could feel the bass in your chest. It seemed like the lights were off, but you could see the glow of blacklights from the windows. It would be easy to spot Jaemin and Jeno, even when you were drunk.

You walked through the door and pushed through the crowd to the kitchen. There, you found Jisung, Chenle, and Mark doing shots. Jisung locked eyes with you and spat out the shot, though. You placed your hands on your hips and waited for his excuse.

“I was just, uh, I was—sorry Mom,” he stuttered.

“Dude, she can’t control you,” Chenle stated.

“No, but I hate when she’s disappointed in me,” Jisung whined.

You hit Chenle on the back of the head as you passed him to grab a cup and some liquor. “Be grateful somebody’s here to take care of you, brat.”

Chenle threw an arm over your shoulders and pressed a noisy kiss to the side of your head. “I always am.”

It didn’t take long for the alcohol to take over. You were drinking random liquor, playing beer pong, and taking shots with Mark and Haechan. Renjun had disappeared at some point, but you were too drunk to care. At one point, you found yourself dancing with Jeno in the family room. Everybody was pressed close together, so you didn’t think much about the hands on your hips. You wrapped your arms around his neck to keep yourself steady. Your foreheads were pressed together, and it felt nice.

You didn’t know how long the two of you were kissing before you finally realized what was happening. You pulled away and stared at one of your best friends, jaw dropped in shock. Jeno’s eyes opened slowly, your gazes meeting. You could tell that he was surprised as well by the way his body tensed up. You looked around and froze when you spotted Renjun. You expected him to look annoyed or angry, but not upset. Not like his heart was broken.

“Renjun,” you said.

The devil turned around and pushed through the crowd. You pulled away from Jeno and followed Renjun, calling his name over and over to get him to stop. When you exited the house, he looked at you one more time before disappearing in a puff of smoke. There was a lump in your throat as tears threaten to spill.

“Renjun, please,” you whispered.

Usually he came as soon as you called him, but that night he didn’t.

///

Jaemin was worried. You hadn’t holed yourself in your room since Jeno gently rejected you when you were all sophomores. Jaemin had managed to get you to open up for him back then, but this time you wouldn’t budge. At this point, he just wanted to make sure you were alive. The door hadn’t opened since the night of the party.

He knew what happened at the party. He saw what happened. He watched you run away, seemingly chase someone. He caught you when you had collapsed on the lawn in tears. He carried you home as you mumbled about a “Renjun” over and over again. He had no idea what you were talking about, but it was clearly the reason you were shutting everyone out.

You skipped class for two days before finally returning to your normal schedule. Jeno and Jaemin tried to talk to you, but you kept ear buds whenever you weren’t in class. They could tell that you had lost weight by the way your sweatshirts hung on your frame as if it was one of theirs instead. You buried yourself in your studies, working on essays well into the night.

It was about a month after the party when Jaemin and Jeno finally cornered you. You were in the living room, highlighting one of your textbooks when Jaemin snatched it from your grasp. You made a noise of protest, but he ignored it in favor of sitting on the coffee table. You could see Jeno standing by the hallway, unsure of whether he should join or not.

“Y/N, we’re worried about you,” Jaemin stated. “You haven’t talked to anyone, and you haven’t been eating enough. You’ve lost far too much weight to convince us you’ve been working out. No, don’t you dare argue with me, we both know that’s what you would’ve told us. We don’t want to get a call from the hospital that you passed out on campus. It would break our hearts to see you like that.”

“’M sorry,” you mumbled.

“We just want to know what’s been going on,” Jeno chimed in. “It’s not just because I kissed you; that’s been made clear.”

“Does it have to do with somebody named Renjun?” Jaemin asked quietly.

You felt your composure crumble. You hadn’t seen or heard from Renjun in a month, and it was killing you. The longer it went on, the more you were convinced that he had never existed in the first place. You were scared for what that meant; would anything else pop up that would have you questioning your own sanity?

The doorbell rang, so Jeno offered to get it, saying something about Mark coming over to study. Jaemin reached out and placed a comforting hand on your shoulder as you tried to hold it all together. It was so difficult to, especially when you hadn’t talked to anyone about it.

“Y/N, it’s for you,” Jeno called out.

Confused, you got up to see who would be visiting the apartment. Your whole body froze up as your eyes landed on the boy standing before you. His silver hair was trimmed and combed back. He was wearing a button-up, a light jean jacket, and black jeans. In his hand was a paper bag with no logo on it. There was a sad smile on his face as he stared at you.

“Renjun,” you whispered.

“Hey, kitten.”

The nickname made you move. You ran forward and jumped into his arms, muffling your sobs in his neck. His hands clutched your body tight, as if he was afraid you would disappear. You knew Jaemin and Jeno were watching, but you couldn’t bring yourself to face them just yet.

“So, this is the Renjun that you’ve been so upset over?” Jaemin asked. You could hear the protectiveness in his voice.

“Jaemin,” Jeno hissed. “Give them their time.”

“Can we go to your room?” Renjun asked.

You nodded and grabbed his hand before dragging him down the hallway. As soon as your door was closed, you hugged him again. He rubbed your back and pressed kiss after kiss to your hair, apologies flying out of his mouth in between.

“I just—how are you here? How can they see you?” you asked.

He seemed to hesitate before grabbing your hand. He guided it to his head, and you could feel ridges on his head. It dawned on you that they were scars, located where his horns used to be. You gasped and pulled your hand away to place it on his cheek instead.

“What happened?” you questioned.

“I, uh, I gave it all up.”

“What do you mean?”

He shrugged and said, “I became a human.”

Your breath got caught in your throat. Why would he become a human? He could do whatever he wanted as the devil, so why would he give it all up?

“Why?” you finally asked.

A sigh left his lips as he sat on your bed. You followed, not wanting him to stray too far. He seemed to hesitate before grabbing your hand. “When you’re the devil, you’re not supposed to feel anything but anger and happiness, and the happiness is only supposed to happen when you get the person you’ve been assigned to do whatever you feel they should do. Caring about them was not something we could do, so I already knew there was something up. Feeling like I wanted to cry when I saw you kissing Jeno? It wasn’t supposed to be possible. And then I checked on you a couple days after the party, and—”

“You checked on me?” you asked quietly.

He smiled softly. “Of course I did. I’ve never been able to stay away for long. Anyway, I heard Jeno apologizing through the door. I knew you were both too drunk to know what you were doing. I went to Satan and talked to him for a long time about it, and he set up tests to make sure I wanted to become a human.”

“Sounds like you jumped through hoops to get here.”

“They were on fire, too.”

You laughed at his joke, which made him smile. Then, he urged you to get a shower, which would be the first time in a few days. Embarrassed, you rushed to the bathroom and jumped in as soon as the water was hot. You took the time to clean every crevice on your body, which you noticed was actually as thin as Jaemin and Jeno had said. They weren’t exaggerating when they said something about you passing out.

Upon exiting the shower, you noticed there was a pile of clothing sitting on the counter. Confused, you walked over to inspect it. None of it was familiar, but you pulled it on anyway. They smelled like cologne that you knew neither Jaemin nor Jeno owned; Renjun must’ve sneaked them in without you noticing. Smiling, you took the towel and dried your hair a little before stepping out of the bathroom. The three boys were in the living room, your friends seemingly interrogating Renjun. He looked over to you and rolled his eyes before grinning.

“Hey there,” he greeted. “You hungry? I brought some food from your favorite place.”

You nodded shyly and watched him grab it from the paper bag he brought with him. You went to sit next to him on the couch, but he grabbed your hips and guided you to his lap, instead. A squeak left your mouth, and there was a low chuckle behind you.

“Either of you planning on telling us what happened?” Jaemin asked, clearly annoyed.

You turned to Renjun, who was biting his lip. He looked at you, and you shrugged. He sighed and looked at your friends before saying, “So, I was the devil that lived on her shoulder.”

Renjun told them everything. When he first appeared, everything he’d convinced you to do, how his feelings for you grew, him seeing what happened at the party, becoming a human, everything. Their eyes were wide, their jaws were dropped, and their bodies seemed to be frozen in shock. You munched along, listening to Renjun’s side of the story. When he was done, you looked at your friends and waited for their reactions.

“You know, that actually makes a lot of sense,” Jeno commented.

Jaemin flailed. “What?!”

“Every once in a while, it seemed like she looked to her shoulder and talked. I always thought I was imagining it or she was doing something else,” Jeno explained.

You let out a big yawn before anything else could be said, so Renjun suggested going to your room to nap. He tossed out your trash and was soon on your heels, locking the door behind you two. He joined you on the bed and threw an arm over your waist. Rolling over, your eyes locked with his. It was a couple minutes before he finally asked, “What’s on your mind, kitten?”

“Just wondering when you’re gonna kiss me,” you mumbled.

Smiling, he propped himself on his arm and leaned over you. Your lips brushed before you finally took the last step and pulled him down. He grunted in surprise, and then his hands came up to cup your face. Your heart was beating like crazy, and it felt like it would burst from your chest any minute. He pulled away and pressed a couple kisses to your cheek before leaving a final one on your forehead.

There was so much that needed to be talked about. He needed to situate himself in the real world with school, a job, and a place of his own. He needed to learn the mannerisms of humans since he didn’t care to pay attention before. But for now, taking a nap with him was the only thing on your mind, and that was okay.

Everything was okay.

[amphtaminedreams]

A/W 2020 Fashion Month: Before Vogue Went Blank

Hi to anyone reading,

I’m sorry this post is so late! I really have no excuse apart from all my mental energy being taken up by shooting and editing my Euphoria lookbook up until now and me being too much of a lazy, nap-loving twat to face the mammoth task of a fashion month review; honestly, by the time it’s done, it’s like a dissertation-level amount of characters, so let’s say the final push to get this out is in sympathy with all my 3rd year friends I started uni with finishing their ACTUAL dissertations.

Things have got scary since I originally started saving the photos for this post, and the world has been turned upside down. In response to the COVID-19 pandemic, the likes of which have not been seen since the Spanish Flu, Italian Vogue’s April cover was blank. As I’m writing this, 26,000+ people have died of coronavirus in Italy, the worst affected country behind the U.S in terms of sheer numbers ( though quick update: as I post this, I’m pretty sure our incompetent prick of a PM has made sure we’re up there too). Proportionally, the actual death rate is even higher, along with a handful of other European countries. There have been some complaints made about the cover and it’s supposed “lack of imagination”; all I know is that in a country whose death toll accounts for 10% of worldwide coronavirus deaths, something of a visual silence feels appropriate. 

That being said, for me, writing is one of the only things giving me a sense of purpose right now. Yeah, surprise surprise, working in a grocery store isn’t all that fulfilling. Who would’ve thought it? So what better time to reflect on a time when all the rich people of the world were going about their lives as usual and sitting front row at fashion week rather than crying on Instagram live to their millions of followers about how trapped they feel in their 10 bedroom mansions.

I’ve got to say, this year’s A/W offerings were a lot better than I expected, mostly due to the fact that I’m not generally a big fan of winter fashion; it’s hard to be disappointed given my preconceptions! There’s only so many knits and coats and jeans you can see before it begins to get a bit tiring, and I expected that to be reflected in the presentations. Fortunately, even the brands which are known for their bohemian, Coachella-esque collections generally managed to translate that into something recognisable and consistent on the runway whilst actually being weather appropriate. Of course, there were a few disappointments-I’m sure if I say one of them begins with D, you can guess which brand I’m talking about-but that was more than made up for by the standouts. Gucci in particular was my 2013 Tumblr wet dream and the Moschino show was what I can only describe as a live continuation of Sofia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette, though I’ll stop with my praise there and wait til I get to actually reviewing before I go overboard with kissing Alessandro Michele’s ass. And on that note, in chronological order, I’ll get one with the reviews! First up, Acne:

Continuing on a winning streak when it comes to catering to my personal preferences (if someone tries to tell me designers don’t care about my personal preferences I’m going to whack out that “just found out the world doesn’t revolve around me, shocked and upset” Marina Diamandis tweet), Acne once again channels futuristic hippy commune living in a dystopian wasteland. I know, those are very specific personal preferences

I love the shredded hems and the burnt velvet, the rawness of it all, and the baroque/your-nan’s-wallpaper patterns are actually a surprisingly nice touch. I imagine if Giselle from Enchanted had to make her dresses out of a thrifty goth’s curtains rather than an upper-middle-class New Yorker’s, they’d look something like this collection. You’ve even got the odd bit of classic fresh Scandi tailoring in there with the oversized coats and blazers which holds it back from being a bit TOO flea market. Plus, the renaissance painting detailing on the black leather-look coat is a stunning detail as well; I’m so glad it seems this trend is here to stay, why wouldn’t I want random nude bodies all over my clothes? 

As for the styling, I can’t get enough of the tousled hair. As an eternally tired person who can't be arsed to pick up a brush most of the time, I feel represented. Along with the outfits, it says “I’m an art student/transient painter in the 70s living in a city loft who smokes a lot of weed and does acid on the regular” and that is a life worth manifesting.

Alberta Ferretti was dreamy, and a perfect example of how to translate the bohemian aesthetic of their S/S show to A/W. Somehow despite the furs, ruffles (pussy-bows under tailored jackets and knits/generally heavier pieces always looks really chic imo), tulle, metallic tapestry style prints and chunky jewellery, it all still looks very effortless, like a natural continuation of what we saw last summer; the typically masculine structure of the oversized suits with the ornate patterns and the accessories lends to the careful navigation along the line where maximalism and minimalism meet, the looks as practical as they are decorative. Picture it: you work some high-flying, powerful job in the city, commute on a motor cycle and roll up in one of these suit sets. This collection is for the edgy businesswoman who is completely comfortable telling all the twattish males she works with where to stick it and I want to be her. 

The evening gowns are, of course, stunning too. In this analogy where I am a powerful businesswoman and not a pushover who works at a grocery store right now and only beefs with rude customers, I would be wearing one of them to the boujie work Christmas party. The ruffled dresses remind me of something Valentino would put out with the colour palette and the ruffles, and whilst we’re on the topic of colour palettes, this one is beautiful. The lilac and hot pink is SO right.

Though predictable, Alessandra Rich is just as much of a treat as usual, the first brand you’d go to if you were styling a throwback it-girl, Chanel Oberlin in Scream Queens if it took place 30 years earlier. Reminiscent of an amalgamation of vintage Chanel and Versace, there are so many cute details I love here, from the white tights with the black heels and the double breasted blazers to the gold chainlink belts and the pearls. The tartan suits with the shoulder padding are very Heathers, the prints the best of your mum’s 80s wardrobe, and nobody else out there is doing bows as well as this; these are the outfits that prissy bitch wears in the cartoons of my childhood that turn out to actually be quite good fashion inspo 15 years later, Trixie Tang from Fairly Odd Parents I’m looking at you. 

This girl was the blueprint. 

I think someone like Lilly Collins or Daphne Groeneveld would be an ideal fit for any of these looks, or Lana Del Rey if she wanted to stop serving us middle-aged suburban soccer mom and took us back to those H&M ad campaign days. Lana stans please don’t come for me for saying that, I am one of you; I say this because I love her. It’s all altruistic. 

Whilst I admittedly didn’t love it as much as last summer’s, I really enjoyed the Alexander McQueen collection too, plus I had a better idea of what to expect this time round; no, we’re not gonna get a repeat of the Plato’s Atlantis show but we do always get some beautiful pieces. Again, like with Alberta Ferretti, this seems like a natural continuation of what we saw in the summer, just with adjustments made for the colder, darker, and altogether moodier months. A/W being the gothier older sister of S/S, it seems right that a lot of the looks turn their back on the ethereal, almost fairy-like feel of what we saw before and embrace the vampier side, reds and blacks (the ultimate Bratz Rock Angels colour combination), plenty of dramatic structures and formidable suit sets. It’s punk but it’s classy, and even with the lighter pieces, we’ve got the grunge inspired harnesses on top to contrast with the elegance and effectively, toughen the whole look up, something Gucci does well too. 

The patterned suits with the clunky boots in particular are very cool and I need a gun metal grey heart detailing harness, but undoubtedly the MOMENT of this collection is Adut Akech in what appears to be a silver chainmail dress. She looks like an Amazonian goddess, and whilst I could never dream of pulling something like that off myself, I could happily admire her in it for hours.

There wasn’t much to get excited about at Altuzarra. The collection was very elegant for sure and the feathered belts are cute but it was all quite pedestrian and nothing new-the only detail I really like is the cut out on the second dress from the left, 3rd row down.

As for Anna Sui:

I’m not altogether sure why I wanted to review it. A lot of the outfits as a whole are a bit messy, and not in that avant-garde, expensive-looking Margiela kind of way, just in a “how many fabrics can we possibly get on this model” kind of way. Plus, the styling seems weirdly outdated-a lot of the jewellery looks like the kind of thing you’d see if you searched “gothic choker” on Ebay and ordered the results from low to high, and the makeup and hair in particular is very 2012 Tumblr fashion blogger. Backcombed hair and red lipstick? We’ve got a Zoella thumbnail on our hands.

When the collection did go down the bohemian route though (and when that route wasn’t a failed attempt at what Etro does a lot better), there were a few nice pieces and prints. I mean you really can’t go wrong with a teal fur trimmed coat.

Ashish, on the other hand, took their aesthetic from a similar era and did it a lot more creatively and kookily; this collection looks a lot more deserving of being on a runway. The prints are so loud and costume-y that at times the garments risk looking like something you’d wear at a decades themed dress up party, but they’re saved by understated and much more commercial silhouettes, plus some gorgeous hair and make up. On the whole, very groovy, unintentional disco queen, despite the few risks that didn’t quite pay off.

Next is a brand I always look forward to. In the words of Myrtle Snow:

BALENCIAGA!

Seriously though, if any brand knows how to blend costume and high fashion, it’s them. They take over-the-top, almost absurd silhouettes and turn them into theatre. This year we’re taking it in the direction of Phantom of the Opera, I guess? Dracula? The Woman in Black? An off-broadway production of Harry Potter where Snape is the protagonist? Whatever the direction of the collection is, I live for the dramatics of it all. Demna Gvasalia got these models walkin’ down the runway like they’re members of the Volutri, which is a reference you should all understand given the renaissance Twilight is having online atm.

Straight off the bat, I adore the staging, and all the models are exquisite-the theme of the show was climate change, and I always love when there’s a story behind the presentation of the clothes. I can’t imagine how amazing this must have been to witness in person, though I’m guessing equal parts mystical and intimidating. There are so many things I love here: billowing coats, cinched in waists, the pattens that are sprinkled sparingly in amongst the black, and the bloody shoulder pads that almost run PARALLEL to the model’s necks. This is really a collection that Myrtle Snow would be proud of and brb whilst I get rid of my padlock necklaces in favour of putting whatever meagre amount I can get for them on Depop towards a Balenciaga padlock belt (as if, lol, I don’t even think selling my soul would cover it).

And then there’s Balmain, which isn’t always the fashion critic’s favourite, but which I do tend to like. 

I mean there are some really good takeaways here-though the 80s inspired suit, as wearable as they are, can get a little repetitive, they are staples which here seem to pave the way for Olivier Rousteing to try something new for the brand. The moulded breast plates (reminiscent of the Tom Ford one Zendaya wore though I’m not sure which came first!), for example, along with the Matador-style capes and the flowing silk dresses are the most glamorous incarnation of Lara Croft one can possibly imagine, probably just as equally suited for a Roman goddess as they are for an Assassins Creed style action heroine. And yes, I am aware of the fact that Tomb Raider and Assassins Creed are two separate games, okay!  I just don’t know enough about the visuals of either to firmly plant this collection in the camp of either one, so I’m going down the crossover route with it!

Not to say there weren’t any bad choices-I omitted a good portion of the looks that were shown; there were definitely pieces that I found to be a little tacky, particularly a recurring chain print which has got to be one of my least favourite patterns out there. Overall, though, it’s gonna be the richly coloured art-deco prints, the wet-look boots and the gem-encrusted scorpion brooch which stick with me, so I’ll let it slide. 

Bottega Veneta was very meh; even of the looks I picked out, there are a lot I’m now looking back at and wishing I hadn’t included. Some of the men’s pieces are nice, sure, and I feel like one of those vaguely sick, victorian ghost looking male celebrities everyone obsesses over (Timothée Chalamet and Dane DeHaan I’m looking at you) would make those suits on the second row look fine af, but it’s mostly the womenswear that I’m here for and on this occasion it wasn’t great. A couple of the coats are nice and that’s about it. Like I really had to act as if the tassels weren’t there on a lot of the clothes and go from there because I really don’t like them in this context and if I was to veto looks purely on one of the garments having tassels, there’d be nothing to show or reference when giving my opinion on the show. They were EVERYWHERE. In a summer collection, done right, they can be a nice detail but here they just feel unnecessary and if I’m being honest, are quite ugly. 

Thank god for Brock taking the sour Bottega Veneta tassel taste out of my mouth. Never a let down. Literally, everything they put out sends me into a daze of imagining I’m in some romantic drama wearing one of the pieces, in a man’s idea of “no makeup”, running round in a field looking forlorn and windswept because my ghostly lover has-

Okay, you get the picture. I’ve never read Wuthering Heights, but it goes something like that, right? If not, lets just say envisioning myself in any of these catapults me straight into some period drama where I’m born into wealth and sit by my mansion window looking sad all the time and writing poetry and lusting over some stuffy upper-class man I can’t have and who is probably played by Colin Firth because I’m pretty sure that’s what happens in most of them (about to enrage my future English lit undergraduate sister with that line).

Nobody does modest, muted sexy to such a masterful degree. I mean, when Maison Marigela did face veils I was just mildly afraid, but here they’re subtle enough that they’re quite beautiful and almost other-worldly, acting as some kind of boundary between this world and the past that Brock aims to recapture through its designs-the red lip popping out from underneath is a perfect touch too. I don’t like it AS much as the summer collection but I would say that’s solely on the basis of the more autumn/winter appropriate colour scheme and the heavier fits, which is just a personal preference. I mean, I’m usually not a fan of empire waistlines at all and Brock even manages to make that work.

Burberry this season was a real mixed bag, mostly due to the styling. There are some really gorgeous, London back alley vintage shop looking pieces, especially the 70s style coats, reminiscent of outerwear a slimy record exec would've worn back in the day repurposed by someone like Alexa Chung or Zoe Kravitz or whichever effortlessly cool woman it is we all want to be-also the private boy’s school rugby gear looking shit is classic Burberry and I’m a fan of that, even though it’s not the most inventive or exciting. I just don’t get why there had to be SO much ill-fitting plaid over ill-fitting plaid. Again, like with Bottega Veneta, I thought the menswear was a lot stronger; whilst I wasn’t really wowed by anything, it seemed a lot less forced, whereas a few of the womenswear looks gave me the vibe of a design team desperately grasping onto some ill-conceived ideas of street style and relevancy. 

The design team at Carolina Herrera for example, know their niche. They never try to be something they’re not, always sublimely preppy and pretty and predictable-when it comes to target market, the bag is reliably secured. Laid- back princess dresses never get old for those constantly “summering” in one expensive coastal town or another, for the rich American moms attending charity galas and the Spencer Hastings and Blair Waldorfs of the world; women with glossy hair and fresh faces who act as if they woke up looking like that polished but are actually anal as hell and take 2 hours to get ready and would NEVER, I repeat NEVER, shit in a public toilet. 

Yes, I managed to worm toilet habits into a review of a Carolina Herrera collection. I’m sorry. Enough with the pearl clutching. 

Next is Celine:

I mean, when there are THIS many looks, it’s hard not to find something you like, and though VERY predictable and verging on lazy when you’re putting out the same shit every collection, Celine’s aesthetic is so similar to my own ideal style, it’s hard to be mad at it. That being said, a lot of the pieces, as per usual, came across as cheap YSL knock offs; the overall outfits are cute, but the more you look at the details-it particularly pained me to include a metal bow belt and an ill-fitting velvet skater skirt but I liked the rest of the outfits-the worse it gets. Please, PLEASE someone drive it home to Hedi Slimane, I’m begging you: QUALITY NOT QUANTITY. I get what he’s going for, 70s hipster Jane Birkin is a vision I can very much get behind, but not when it seems to be so rushed.

With the men’s looks, you can get away with it a lot more; when so much of menswear is so plain and unchanging, the slightest hint of Mick Jagger is enough to make a outfit edgy. But even then, I still feel like we’re seeing a load of variations of the same outfit. There are always some pieces that catch my eye, this time round the capes and the velvet blazers, and I would wear most of these things, sure, however I don’t think the combinations SHOULD necessarily look like something I’d personally put together; a runway collection is supposed to be aspirational and cutting edge, not pedestrian (entirely intentional self-drag, lol). Also, side note, the lack of diversity really bothered me. 111 looks and not one of these models has a body type that is naturally achievable for most people. It’s 2020 for fuck’s sake. I’m tired.

SO, let’s liven things up a bit with the Central Saint Martins collection, a breath of fresh air in terms of diversity (though a few more plus-size models would be nice):

As a former University of London student, I hate to heap praise upon them. If you’ve studied in London as well, you’ll know CSM students are ANNOYING. I mean, I’m sure they’re lovely as individuals but you can’t fully understand the meaning of the word pretentious until you’ve seen a group of them at a Uniqlo Tate Late. That being said, they are very good at what they do and I’m so glad that Vogue Runway includes them; this is what Off-White thinks it is, and really it makes sense that a bunch of current fashion students are able to come together to present one of the most experimental and forward-thinking shows of this season. 

And let’s talk about the RANGE. From catsuits worthy of comic book heroes to  dresses Twiggy would’ve worn in a 1960s editorial, every subgenre of fashion has been fully delved into here. Whilst we’ve got the adrogyny of the suits and suspenders combo and kitschy gender-bending co-ords David Bowie would be proud of, at the other end of the scale we’ve also got models walking down the runway dressed like wood nymphs or some other kind of siren-like creatures. There’s looks that wouldn’t be out of place in a Gucci or Come Des Garcons collection but at that same time would be equally at home in a Berlin techno club. 

Honestly, credit where credit’s due-it was a really interesting show and I wouldn’t expect anything less.

Chanel was quite literally the polar opposite of the CSM show. 

Very blah. 

It’s crazy because before you properly get INTO fashion, Chanel is like the epitome of style. And then you do, and you see the runway shows get lazier and lazier (with some exceptions) every year, and you realise that same prestige that had you aware of Chanel at the age of 7 or 8 is literally all that’s keeping the brand going at this point. I’m not saying the collection is flat out ugly, a lot of it’s cute, but you’re CHANEL for fuck’s sake. Yeah, I like the crucifixes but SCALLOPED HEMS!? No. I do NOT recall travelling back in time to witness Primark’s Spring 2013 collection on the runway and I am NOT having it.

It’s not at all surprising that a lot of the time newer brands Charlotte Knowles (above) tend to be more interesting than those more established-and yes that was a Chanel indirect if the transition wasn’t obvious.

With no room to rest on laurels or reputation, everything has to be bolder and smarter and more distinctive and most importantly, has to appeal to its target market with the fervour of an L.A sign spinner. I only found out about Charlotte Knowles because of a Vogue article citing her as Bella Hadid’s new favourite brand to wear, and once I saw the collection, it was clear why; daringly modern, slick, and edgy is both her street style (say what you want about her as a model but her outfit game is unbeaten) and Knowles’ USP to a T. If Dion Lee, Off-White, GCDS and Acne had an orgy, this would be the result, and that is a GOOD compliment.

Next, Chloe:

Not a huge amount to say, to be honest. Low-key, wearable, and cute. Like Emma Roberts’ Nancy Drew if she did an autumn exchange program at the Sorbonne and studied art history, libraries and coffee shops on the weekdays and galleries and protests at the weekend. On reflection, that definitely makes this collection sound more exciting than it is but there are some effortlessly beautiful pieces here. The 4th row in particular is full of stand outs-the vest with the watercolour faces on with the shirt underneath is perfection, and the burgundy suit with the saffron ruffled collar peeking out from underneath is adorable and not at all reminiscent of the Ronald McDonald inspired nightmare that any combination of red and yellow tones should theoretically be.

As for Christian Siriano, I see why people hate it, I really do. I understand that it seems kinda unfair to have it show the same week as Brock and Rodarte and Oscar de La Renta. We’re talking 2 very different kinds of quality here. BUT, at pure face value, his clothes are FUN, plus Coco Rocha will always have a special place in my heart as someone who lived on The Face and America’s Next Top Model and every show that could possibly give me an unhealthy body image ever.

Like are you telling me you wouldn’t wear these dresses to a party!? Live a little. They just need tailoring...which ideally would be done BEFORE the model’s walking down the runway in it but...you know...can’t have it all.

Christopher Kane is a show I always look forward to.

I would say his designs are the only thing that make geometry look fun but I’m going to expose myself and admit that would be a lie because I actually found geometry really fun. Trigonometry was my shit, lol.

He is a designer who perfectly demonstrates that juggling interseasonal consistency and taking risks can be done. There’s always something DIFFERENT about his collections, fresh and subtly experimental. There are occasionally a few misses, sure, but I’d rather that than for a brand to keep playing safe, plus he never goes too far in the opposite direction either; no going weird for the sake of weird. I don’t like it AS much as the summer collection but it’s mostly because of the more muted, autumn/winter appropriate colour palette.

Comme Des Garçons? Too weird?

Never.

Honestly when it comes to a CDG collection, I have to really shift my perspective to appreciate it. I’m not looking at fashion presentation, I’m looking at a moving piece of experimental art. I know, it’s a stretch. But you know you’ll never be bored by one of their shows. Not gonna lie, this specific collection crossed the line into plain ugly a couple of times for me. We had padding so extravagant it looked like several models were walking round with Ikea pillows stuck to their chest and headdresses reminiscent of the kids’ game Headbandz. In amongst that though, we did get some gorgeous veils like the ones seen above and the shoes and socks combo is actually quite wearable.

I’d say Dilara Findikoglu is the cut-off point after which things get a little too avant-garde for my personal taste, and it hovers over that cut-off point flawlessly; despite the other-worldly elements of her collections, they remain somewhat grounded by nods towards conventional fashion that allow the beauty, be it inner or outer, of the wearer to shine through. Comme Des Garcons garments undeniably have character but they tend to swallow up any trace of the individual underneath, whereas the character of Dilara Findikoglu garments seamlessly merges with the wearer and in turn elevates both to something transcendent and ethereal. If the Pussycat Dolls got transported into a rugged, post-apocalyptic future, they’d scrape together these outfits to perform in, I know it; the energy of the collection, with the body jewellery and the frayed cut outs and the chalk white faces, is very warrior princess, just as raw and intimidating as it is hot as fuck, and I want that energy in my life. Along with a Dilara belt, of course. I would wear her name like a badge of honour anytime she wants. Dilara, pls pls let me be part of your tribe. PLEASE.

Anyway, this is where I thought I’d cut things off, so as to end on a positive note. You know what that means: Dior is coming up. I feel bad knowing my first post was defending Maria Grazia and yet here I am now, looking at the bar down on the floor, but I mean, you never know; maybe girl is doing this on purpose and one day she’s gonna come out with a Gucci level quality show like a phoenix from the ashes.

If you got this far, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING even if you’re just here for the pics. Part 2 will be covering some of my most anticipated shows from Elie Saab, Fendi and Etro to Gucci and Moschino, Miu Miu and Marc Jacobs, and everything in between. Yes, the shitty ones too.

I’m plowing through all the material as quick as I can so I hope to get the next post up really soon, and yes-you can count on the overwhelming sense of needing to be productive pushing me into fulfilling that statement. 

Thanks again and I hope you’re well!

Lauren x

[inugirl]

I’ve been working on this since forever. Taking my much needed time since I don’t write as often as I’d like to. But I have had the fist chapter done for a while. I’d just like to get ahead and work on the other ones. Anyways, I thought I’d post it here for White Day since it’s a good opportunity to. @inuyasha-valentines

Fanfiction: Inuyasha

Rating: M (for language, future violence and drugs)

I’m not exactly sure what to call it yet, I’m thinking

Mistaken Identity

Kagome gets mistaken by the mysterious half-demon, Inuyasha, as the woman he was supposed to chauffeur to the big boss’s restaurant to discuss certain business. The stubborn dog ends up making matters only worse for himself, and Kagome.

~~~•~~~•~~~•~~~•~~~

She would have thought that her life couldn’t get any more strange. Not to say that it was strange to begin with. She was just an average Japanese college student trying to get her degree. She wanted to make a name for herself as a reliable pediatrician. She wasn’t currently dating and worked part time at a coffee shop to not rely on her mother as much. That’s all. Nothing made her different than others so for the life of her she had no idea how she ended up in this mess. After all, she only wanted to go to the library to return a book.

“Look, I don’t have time for this.” Kagome, a first year in university expressed. “I just need to return these books in that slot over there.” She pointed to the wall of the library the stranger was leaning on, a return slot for books after hours. She wasn’t sure what to think. Was he some pervert? A part of the Yakuza? She quickly glanced down at her attire, worried that it might have sent some unwanted attention. A simple halter blue dress that ended just above her knees, brown flats and her small yellow side purse. Her ink black hair was down and wavy and she wore little make up. All Kagome could do was wonder how her clothing was asking for trouble. She looked back at him, defiance in her eyes. ‘I will not let him have his way.’

“Look, you’re taking this cosplay thing to a whole different level if you start harassing people just for fun. This isn’t funny.” Kagome spoke loudly to him and prayed she sounded as serious and intimidating as she thought she did.

Although the mysterious man before her was leaning against a wall, he was obviously tall. His strange yet attractive long white hair complemented his slightly tanned tone against the black and white suit he was wearing; his muscular build noticeable. His eyes were a hypnotizing amber gold and ears that resembled that of a dogs were perched atop his head. Kagome was indeed in fear for her safety, but the attractiveness this man gave, she had an odd fantasy of following him.

With a malicious fanged grin plastering his face, he stayed in his spot, leaned against the very wall she was pointing at.

“Look here girl, I was sent to get you okay? It’s not my fault if you didn’t get the memo.” His clawed hands made their way to the air, in a sort of ‘I don’t care’ maneuver.

Kagome could only glare at the man before her. Her blue-gray eyes trying to pierce through this odd persona.

‘I swear, this is like some plot of a dumb show or something. It’s not like everyday a handsome man with animalistic qualities bumps into you…the eyes could easily be contacts...some really well made contacts, and his hair could be professionally dyed or a wig...but those ears on top of his head, they just flicked like a dog’s...how did he do that…’

Realizing that she’d been silent for a little too long she squared her shoulders and lifted her head to keep her aggressive front.

“And just who sent you?”

The odd man simply rolled his eyes and pushed himself off of the wall.

“Don’t be stupid. Come on, we don’t have time for this.” He walked towards Kagome, reaching for her arm. “You of all people should know he isn’t a patient man.”

“Stop! Don’t touch me! Get away!” She flinched back walking backwards as fast as she could without tripping, keeping her eyes trained on the man. He looked surprised and then angry.

“Look. We don’t have time for this shit. Naraku sent me to get you and now you’re backing down on a meeting you called for?” He looked very angry indeed. His thick black eyebrows, which beautifully contrasted his hair, furrowed deeply, the grin he had a while ago replaced with a scowl.

“Naraku…who? I don’t know a Naraku! I didn’t call for a meeting! I’m just a college student! Just let me be that!” Kagome screamed at him. She looked around frantically, trying to find anyone to help her. It was dark out, but only nearing nine thirty at night. The summer months would be arriving soon. How could there be no people nearby? Not even a security guard!

‘I don’t need some ridiculous cartoon adventure! My life is stressful enough as it is! I’m already late turning in this book!’ Kagome quickly looked to the strange yet impossibly gorgeous man before her, then down to her book in her hand. ‘Crap! This is exactly like a plot to a kid’s show!’

“This is a prank show, isn’t it? I’m being pranked in some outrageous prank show. It has to be, right?” Kagome’s chest heaved deeply with every word. She dropped her books, now forgotten she placed her free hands to her chest. She was having a hard time breathing. Her chest was starting to hurt and with every breath she took, she felt like she was missing it somehow.

Falling to her knees Kagome did little to get away from the fastly approaching stranger. He kneeled in front of her, his anger now gone. He looked confused and worried, his ears going flat against his head. He reached out again for her, only slower. Kagome tried to scramble away from him, her hand still to her chest while the other aided her rear against the ground.

“No. Please.” Kagome heaved, sweat was covering her flushed face and her blue-gray eyes holding unfallen tears. She closed her eyes to focus on her breathing, the pooled tears finally falling. ‘One, two, three. One, two, three.’ Her eyes still closed, Kagome felt the man grab her arms. His hands were rough, but his touch wasn’t. His cool hands were welcoming against her ever growing hot skin.

“Hey come on, what’s going on? What’s happening?” He was confused, she was yelling at him like she didn’t know what was going on. Did he really have the wrong girl? He continued to watch her struggle for air. He adjusted himself to her. Kneeling behind her to keep her sitting up and held her shoulders.

The man lowly uttered a growl of annoyance. Noticing her purse he reached into it, grabbing out her wallet and taking out her identification card.

There it was, Kagome Higurashi, 24 years old.

“Fuck. I do have the wrong girl.” He put the ID card down and held her again, examining her closer than he was able to before. She continued to exhale heavy and long breaths and her skin felt hot to his touch. Looking down he noticed her staring up at him. Her eyes were dark, she was looking through her thick lashes and he was staring back.

“I’m,” her voice horsley low, “I’m so sore.” Kagome tried to hug her arms around herself but failed. “I’m so tired.” She closed her eyes and let her exhaustion take over, her body limp in his grasp and her breathing evening out.

“Oh fuck me. I really screwed up.” Growling to himself, the handsome stranger looked back at her ID card for her address. Rolling his eyes he put her items back in her purse and closed it. Gently, he picked her up in his arms. Her own arms falling limp to her exposed side while the other half was warmly close against him. Looking around him to make sure he had all of her things he noticed her fallen book.

‘She said she wanted to return it to the library.’ He looked back to the wall he was leaning on only a few meters away. ‘Well, it’s the least I could do I guess.’

Carefully, he placed her back on the floor and picked up her book to return it. He put the book through the return slot and laid his head against the cold brick wall. He let out an annoyed sighed.

“How did I fuck up this badly?” He eyed the unconscious girl on the ground. Now understanding that she wasn’t the girl he was looking for she looked so vulnerable on the ground. ‘And that’s my fault. I freaked her out so much I gave her a damn panic attack.’ The man winced to himself and made his way to Kagome. Picking her off the ground again he lifted her in his arms with ease and began walking the way she came from.

‘I’m gonna fucking hear it now too. ‘Stupid Inuyasha, you had one job! Good for nothing half-breed!’ ’ Inuyasha mentally mimicked his higher ups already knowing what was going to be said when he came back from his failed mission.

“I can’t let them know about her though, they may try to kill her if they know she saw me outside of my disguise.” He suddenly stopped and looked around him. Still not sensing or smelling anyone, a small bundle of nerves grew deep in his belly.

“Shit. It would look very suspicious if I just walk around with her like this. I don’t need anymore trouble.” He looked around and walked to the closest building, a parking structure. With grace and precision he jumped high into the air landing atop of the structure and began running from rooftop to rooftop. Already very familiar and acquainted with the city, he knew where to go from the address on her identification card.

After scaling each necessary building with hardly any required effort, Inuyasha landed on the rooftop of her apartment. He looked down to the girl in his arms. She hadn’t stirred once during the run and that worried him. He uttered a low growl as he made his way to the roofs edge and looked down. The apartment complex wasn’t all that extravagant, a very typical building with neighbors in between her apartment. Cautious to not be seen by any neighbors, Inuyasha placed Kagome gently on the roof of her building and went into her small purse and easily found her house keys. He went down to her door first to unlock it and put the keys in his pocket before carrying her down with him. Upon entering her living space Inuyasha couldn’t help but to be engulfed by her smell. It was everywhere.

The smell was difficult to describe in one word, but he knew it would engrave itself into his brain. The intoxicating smell was emanating from every corner of the room and as if his mind allowed him to, he suddenly remembered the situation he was in. He quickly closed the front door and made his way past the entry and into her living space. Looking around to his left a small kitchen and to his right a door. He opened it expecting her bedroom yet was greeted with a suffocating small bathroom. Grunting he closed the door back and made his way to the living room, the girl still in tow in his arms.

“Is this where she lives?” He looked around the room. A small t.v. on a short bookshelf and a rolled futon were tucked nicely in a corner. A rectangular small coffee table which he could only guess doubled as her dining table was off center below her one large window. And the only average size furnishings he could see was a tall dresser and a study desk next to it. Other than her desk decorated with open books, a cup of writing utensils and a lamp, the rest of her home was relatively clean.

He placed her gently on the floor and walked towards her futon and began rolling it out.

“Ya know, this place is tiny as hell. How do you even live like this?” Inuyasha wasn’t expecting an answer and was happy to not surprisingly hear one back. He picked her up and placed her on her futon, her weight pushing against the pillows and mat made her captivating sent valley up into his nose. He grunted, he wasn’t sure why she smelled so amazing to him, but it was really starting to get on his nerves. Wanting to leave even faster he quickly took off her shoes and grabbed her purse. He placed her purse on her desk chair, not really knowing where it would go and placed her shoes at the door entryway. Making sure to lock the lock on the doorknob, he left her, hoping she’d believe their encounter to be only a dream.

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ @sasuhinabigflash2020​​ || Day Six: A Grey Coat ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: A Light Amongst Shadows ] [ AO3 Link ]

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This has quickly become one of his favorite places to be.

While the wall around Konoha represents a lot of things he’d rather not think about, it provides a rather unparalleled view of the village as a whole. The Hokage monument may show more at once, but at that height people are little more than specks, and there’s something about watching them at a better distance that Sasuke’s come to enjoy.

Feelings are still mixed about the place he was born. Sasuke knows, now that his anger has cooled and his rationality given time to smother the coals, that there’s still much about Konoha that is innocent of the crimes committed against him and others. Civilians have no part in the politics. Your average shinobi is just trying to get by and protect their home. It’s the roots of the village - literally and figuratively - that contribute most to its rotten core. Those in power that abuse it, and do ugly things to keep their hold on said power.

...but he has a plan for that. It will just take time, and organization. For now, he’s working first on himself before he can confront all that made him the way he is.

It’s been weeks since the war’s end. Much is still in flux. Even reparations from Pein’s attack are still being worked on, supplies still scarce at times as the complete rebuilding of Konoha continues. Ironically, the wall - so useless in keeping out the most potent threat - was one of few things left intact.

It’s here Sasuke sits, and thinks, and watches. While it’s patrolled by Konoha nin and they gave him suspicious looks at first, most have grown accustomed to his harmless perch, and even give him space as he lingers. If anything, they know he’s more than capable of defending it if anything were to happen. Personal opinions aside, he’s still unquestionably strong.

Today, the weather is a bit overcast, threatening rain as thunder rumbles miles in the distance. Even now, the sound brings a strange, tight melancholy to his chest. Flickering pieces of his final battle against his brother are always brought to mind whenever he hears a storm. But as time passes, it fades ever so slightly. He’ll always mourn Itachi, and he still serves as one of the younger brother’s fiercest drives to changing Konoha into something worthy of Itachi’s sacrifice. But Sasuke makes no attempt to find cover as the sky darkens and the winds subtly pick up.

Someone else, however, takes that upon themselves.

With a muffled thwump, something drops across his shoulders, and Sasuke blinks in surprise, caught off-guard enough he doesn’t react violently, instead left a bit stupefied as the figure behind him comes around to a side.

Once he sees them, he manages to relax a hair.

“You’re going to get drenched here in a m-minute,” Hinata offers, lowering herself to sit along the edge with him. Sandaled feet dangle over the several-storey fall to the ground beneath them.

“A little rain never hurt anyone.”

“You still might catch a cold.”

That flattens his expression a few degrees. “I’m not scared of a cold.”

Pale pink lips curl in a smile. “No, but you should fear someone’s reaction if she finds out, right…?”

At that, Sasuke scoffs, a hand pulling at the fabric he’s been cloaked in. A grey coat, seemingly waterproof if the texture tells him anything. Considering it a moment, he then pulls it on completely. “Thanks.”

She doesn’t reply beyond a nod. Her hands grip the edge of the wall, staring out over the village. “...I’ve never actually been up here.”

“Really?”

“No reason to be,” Hinata replies blithely. “But I saw you and thought I’d come up.”

“And bring me a coat?”

That earns a glance, tinged a bit worried. “Well...Naruto-kun let it slip you’re still a bit, um...lacking in supplies.”

“I’m not a charity case,” is his terse counter.

“I know that. It’s called being nice,” is her own rebuke, managing a hint of a smile. “Besides...it’s g-going to be getting cold, soon. They’ll be hard to find.”

He just gives a small sound of indifference, pulling at a cuff. It’s actually pretty nice. “...thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

The pair then fall into companionable silence, which is soon accented with the soft patter of rain upon the stone of the wall. Against his hood, they seem to whisper in his ear.

Hinata draws her own, leaning back slightly on her palms. “At least it’s not cold enough to snow yet…”

“Not a fan?”

“Mm...yes and no.” She goes quiet for a long moment. “...I guess it’s just an odd sign that time is still passing. It’s felt both slow and yet...really fast since the war. I’m not ready for Winter, but...that’s not going to stop it from coming.”

He glances at her, but offers no reply. In a way, he knows what she means. So many things are broken, disjointed, unsettled. The fact that the world itself is offering them no reprieve seems unfair, but that’s an entirely human notion.

“...is it true you might leave?”

The sudden change in conversation pulls his gaze completely. “Who told you that?”

“It’s just the word going around,” Hinata replies softly. “I think...some people are worried about it.”

By ‘some people’, he knows she mostly means his teammates. It’s true, he tossed around the idea of taking time to travel, observe the world, sort out his thoughts. Even now, it feels tempting. “...I don’t think I will.”

“Oh?”

“There’s too much to do here,” he replies, knowing it’s vague. “I don’t want to lose any time.”

It’s then she looks back at him, and Sasuke can’t help but feel ever so slightly unnerved. Even now, Hyūga eyes make him feel looked through rather than looked at. Especially Hinata.

“...I see. Is it...anything to do with the council?”

A slight tick of irritation twinges in his chest. Seems the idea isn’t being made as confidential as he’d have liked. “What makes you think that?”

“Well...given everything that’s come to light -?”

“I don’t know yet. That’s...not exactly a simple situation,” he cuts in, not exactly eager to talk about it...let alone out in the open. “I’ve still got a lot to think about.”

Sensing his spark of temper, Hinata quiets, looking to her lap. “...sorry, I...shouldn’t have assumed.”

“Hn.”

“...but...I-I hope you know that...if you need any help, I’d be happy to give it.”

He gives her a dubious glance. “...why?”

“...a lot of reasons,” she offers, taking her turn to be vague. “Is it n-not enough to want justice to be done?”

“...I’m not exactly someone everyone else is eager to rally around,” he counters. “Just seems odd for anyone to want to do so of their own volition.”

“What Konoha did was a g-gross overstep.” To his surprise, her expression hardens. “Regardless of the politics...killing every single member of a clan - or...nearly - is a horrible way to handle dissatisfaction, and an imbalance of power a-and rights. It just...makes me wonder if something like that could have happened to any of the rest of us. I...I know I don’t have a grasp on the entire history, but...from what I’ve heard, it still seems like the village made the wrong decisions, and for the wrong reasons. I just...want to make sure nothing like it happens again. And that...the ones who did orchestrate it are made to face justice for what they did to you, and...your family.” She turns to him, face still set in stone. “You deserve at least that much.”

For a moment, her vehemence takes him by surprise. “...how much do you know…?”

At that, she hesitates. “...just...bits and pieces, really. I’ve heard some from Naruto-kun, and...others.”

Ah, right...apparently they have their share of overlapped acquaintances. He knows who’s really behind this, now. “...getting involved might get you in serious trouble.”

“Sometimes you need a little trouble to make things right.”

After a short pause, he snorts softly. “...can’t argue that,” he agrees, lips curling just a hair.

By now, the rain is pouring, and despite his coat, the rest of him is quickly growing soaked. And a glance shows her much in the same boat.

“...we should probably get inside. Can’t be catching those colds.”

Hinata lets slip a small laugh. “True...and I should head home.”

To his surprise, Sasuke finds himself disappointed at that. “Yeah, me too. Thanks for the coat.”

“You’re welcome. At least we know it works, ne?” She smiles at him. “Well...for part of you, anyway.”

The pair of them then slip from the wall, each landing safely on the ground below and parting ways. Hinata takes the streets as Sasuke decides to hop to the rooftops, mindful of his chakra to cling to the slick tiles. Once home, he shrugs out of his coat, pleased to find his head and torso completely dry.

Mulling that over, he hangs it outside to finish dripping before deciding to scavenge for some lunch.

     Gonna be brief cuz it’s late, and I have another piece to post right after this :’D As for why I’m late, been having major toothache problems that knocked me on my butt and delayed me, but I managed to grind out two days’ prompts today! Tho as a warning, neither are proofread because I’m in a hurry xD      Anywho, this piece! Mostly just a bit of scene-setting and dialogue between Sasuke and Hinata early on after the war in ALAS. Which, as a matter of fact, is being majorly replotted...not that I’ll ever write it, BUT...yeah. Hence the mention of Itachi still being dead, because in any possible rewrite, he would be.      But yeah! This is mostly just a bit of angst, a bit of fluff, a bit of slice of life. I really love just...writing little moments between them, honestly.      On that note though, I need to work on getting the next part up, so I’ll go for now! Thanks for reading~ (Also, going to get to comments tomorrow, I hope. I'm just too tired atm, apologies for the delays :'D)

[5sosbitchfest]

Reactions to Luke’s IG Story 6/14/2020

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I hate her as much as the next person but bi people in straight relationships are still bi

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I call bullshit on Messy being bi. Sorry, if she was bi, why didn't she come out earlier? Her 'haters'? Where? Also, Luke needs to learn the difference between supporting Pride and celebrating it while PR dating a fake ass 'bi' woman.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I also don’t think it’s fair to say Sierra has never been in a same sex relationship we really don’t know who she’s dated. This is a big problem in the LGBT community, when a bi woman is in a relationship with a man her bi identity gets erased. Halsey has actually talked about this a lot. While I agree that Lierra is not a queer couple, that does not erase Sierra’s identity as a queer woman, and pride is absolutely still for her to celebrate too 🌈

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: *i understand that it was Luke’s post but obviously she had input to post it.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Does Messy’s journey of her sexuality excuse her transphobia? Bc I don’t think so. She sure is selective about who and what she celebrates then. She posted that picture for attention, like everything else she does. It sounds harsh and if she wants to share her journey then great but let’s recognize and call it out for what it is. She doesn’t need to have Luke in a post to talk about her sexuality. Happy Pride Month to that person she purposely misgendered and attempted to invalidate.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: It’s not about disliking Sierra anon. She has only officially came out in a reply on twitter that she later deleted. That’s the only time it’s been mentioned. People struggle to come out and she tweeted and deleted it as if she actually wasn’t saying it. And now her boyfriend is the one essentially coming out for her? That’s what the issue is anon she has never openly said she was bisexual and now that it’s pride month she is? This is just the first time it’s being brought up& it wasn’t even her

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I don’t care that Luke posted good on him but him posting something for pride halfway through the month makes the other boys look inconsiderate for not posting anything

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm the anon that said the thing about "lets not make this into a mikey situation" I agree that it was a complete distraction tactic, and I also can not stand Sierra I was just trying saying that even with those two things in mind the post isnt harming anyone and so we shouldn't get mad at luke for making it.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I hate to admit it but I don't see Lierra ending anywhere near soon. Yes, couples don't last forever and still I don't think they will but let's be honest, he cares about her. Idk how things are in their life, and I hope he's happy, but I think she will stay around for this year and maybe a bit of 2021. 🙄

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Okey but was the "biracial" necessary? It made me cringe...

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I know luke can be cringy when it comes to Sierra but cmon haven’t we learn by now all the cringy stuff if from Sierra being on his account lol

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Sierra wrote that ... no caps, her grammar, fave chosen emojis etc totes her 10000000000% although glad acknowledging bisexual biracial but Angel? Angel by day and to stans but I thought she was the “late night devil”

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Something about Luke’s ig story doesn’t sit well with me... the fact that he felt the need to state that she’s biracial and bisexual just makes it look like he’s treating her like some kind of a trophy to show off, idk it just doesn’t feel right

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Why do L and S feel the need to make everything about S? This isn't about you, so shut up and actually get a job.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: “beautiful bisexual biracial angel” i’m gagging and laughing so hard yeah he 100% wrote and posted that himself /sarcasm

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I love luke and I'm happy if he's happy but the way Sierra clings to him in that photo is so gross. It really just feels like she's using him to do her dirty work. Like that post didnt feel genuine at all and it really seems like luke isnt even trying to convince us anymore he just does the bare minimum to make her happy. I dont blame him tho. Just feels icky.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: As a straight person, I hate straight couples and hope to never be cringe.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm sorry but that Instagram story that luke posted talking about his "beautiful bisexual biracial angel🥰🥺" does NOT (capitalize, underline and bold) sound like how luke would type something. The first part where he talks about how far we have to go sounds like him but not that that part.. not even close. Want to bet either sierra typed it, gave him the idea to say that OR did both cause we know she monitors him like crazy

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: "Bisexual biracial" is so unnecesarry. Luke, hon, shut up. People are out here fighting for their rights, and you feel the need and have the audacity to make it about your crazy ass girlfriend? Don't get me wrong, I love the boys, but making every fcking thing about your girlfriend-particularly luke- is not the point of these movements. So stfu Luke, stfu Sierra, stop making everything about S. That pisses me off, sorry I just needed to rant somewhere.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: is it just me or does the whole “beautiful bisexual biracial angel” not sound like him or something he’d say??? idk I’m kinda new to the fandom but it felt cringey reading that come from him

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Did you see what luke posted on his story? Seems him and Sierra are getting along great, smh. Also she's confirmed bi as well I guess. That's cool. Hope she doesnt use it as a weapon to defend criticism tho. Also did luke redo his hair cuz it seems very white again. Idk. Seems fishy. What are your thoughts? Do you think he was told to post that to distract from mike?

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: just when I was starting to forgive luke for his “response” to messy’s MESS, he goes and posts this... I’m TIRED

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: ok but as a lesbian it makes me sooo happy that Luke is celebrating pride and he's supportive of her sexuality 🥺 men never take bisexuality seriously and I love that he respects that. YET as someone who doesn't like s I'm like why....... like this week has been so frustrating and we were all like "they don't defend m bc they're in a sm break" and now he comes to post this and doesn't say anything? i just :(

allisonscarlett said to 5sosbitchfest: Honestly pride month came just in time cause I remember some stans saying that sierra is probably not bisexual and now there's luke insta story. I'm not trying to erase anyone's sexual orientation, I'm bisexual myself and I've found it weird that in the past years sierra didn't anything about her sexuality during pride month (and don't remember when she tweeted about being bi but I don't thing that it was in during pride month)

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: is anyone else getting"i can't be racist/homophobic because my gf is biracial and bisexual" vibes from lukes ig story or is it just me??? does he know he's digging a hole???

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: should we assume luke posted that in response to the insiders muke information? interesting timing on his part

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I honestly can't stand Luke rn. Angel? Angel???? ANGELLL????????????

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Okay but I don't think that counts as a "a straight couple thinking pride is theirs to celebrate". Just cause Sierra is in a straight relationship doesn't take away from the fact that she's bi, or mean she can't celebrate pride. And I think Luke wishing her and everyone a happy pride is actually a really supportive thing for him and again doesn't really count as a straight person thinking pride is theirs to celebrate, because he's focusing on her, not himself.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: “my beautiful biracial angel” i hate it here

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Gonna say something to MAYBE make some people happy. That picture was taken at a PROTEST. So they probably aren't together 😂😂 they were just together for the protest

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: The biracial part of his story post is feeding into him being a king for dating a mixed person

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: ok luke did look very cute tho

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Every single time there’s any drama in the fandom, a new “cute” picture pops up and some people really think that’s goals? Like in what world is now the time for that kind of post, if it isn’t a direct pr response to the twitter mess of the past few days? Smh they’re not even trying to be subtle anymore

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: i think it’s fine for straight couples to go to and celebrate pride when one of them or both of them aren’t straight.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I was reading this blog a few hours ago and I read a post where someone said that everyone basically assumed sierra was bi bc of a comment and now Luke comes out calling her "bisexual" as if he was confirming it...Idk felt weird lol

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest:  Bisexual biracial angel😭😭 who made him write that and thought people will take it seriously

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: have you seen luke’s story? “especially to my bisexual biracial girlfriend” i fucking CACKLED like is it how she’s supposed to be known for?

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: thank you luke for that ig post for it will keep messy ass kissers away from m mentions for a while

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Funny how you just brought up everyone saying that Sierra was bi just cause she said she loved men and woman and woopty do guess what luke put on his insta story. “My beautiful bisexual biracial gf” Luke I love you but 🤢

[cherry-holland]

imagine maybe feeling a bit anxious and unsure of yourself and Haz coming up with a reason why you’re amazing or why he loves you for every kiss he places on your body to help you feel better 🥺😫 ughhh i’d be so blushy and smitten for him

Kris!!!! I’m sorry I’m writing this so late, BUT I’m here to provide bc I legit had a bout of relational anxiety earlier, so I can relate 🙃 it’s kinda long oops 🤷🏽‍♀️ enjoy it love!!

You were on your way home from the grocery store when you saw the notification from Instagram pop up on your phone. It was from your best friend’s page, alerting you that a new post was up. It wasn’t uncommon for you to have your best friends and boyfriend on your notification list, especially considering social media profiles like Instagram were so daunting to be on now because of your boyfriend. When Harrison announced to the public he was dating you, your pages blew up, causing you to be picky with what notifications you had on, and for whom.

When you clicked the notification and her post popped up, you saw that it was a photo her and a few of your other best friends laughing over cosmos and steaks at some fancy restaurant downtown. You felt a small pang of jealousy hit because you realized they didn’t invite you. They knew you didn’t have anything to do tonight, and the fact that they went for drinks and food without you got those negative thoughts spinning in your head, your hands getting clammy and heartbeat racing.

They don’t like you, y/n.

They probably think you’re annoying.

They don’t love you anymore, that’s why they didn’t invite you.

These thoughts didn’t stop once you reached Harrison and his best friend Tom’s apartment, but it only got worse and worse. Before walking in, you took a deep breath, shook out your hands, and plastered on a fake smile. You knew you couldn’t let Harrison see you like this. Even though you two had been dating for several months and had grown quite close, you were not going to let him see you freaking out over a photo, because that’s dumb right?

Harrison would think you’re crazy if you showed him this side of yourself.

Harrison won’t love you anymore if you freak out y/n.

Harrison would ditch you-

“Hello?” You fake sing-songed as you stepped into the kitchen, not a soul in sight.

“Hi, darling,” Harrison peered out of his room at the sound of your voice, his hair a bit messy from laying in bed waiting for you.

“Hey! I’ve got all of the stuff for dinner, so let’s get cooking!” You spoke with fake enthusiasm as you began to unload the groceries, trying to keep your feelings at bay.

Don’t cry in front of him, y/n. That’s such a weak thing to do.

Harrison doesn’t like weak women, pull yourself together.

Harrison was about to walk over to you before stopping himself to take a good look at you. Your hair was a bit disheveled, hands slightly shaky as they unloaded groceries, and you kept your head down the entire time. He started to grow a bit worried at your demeanor. Normally whenever you got home, you would call out his name and greet him with a kiss, but you immediately went to unload, almost as if you were avoiding him.

“Angel, are you okay?” Harrison asked, a wave of concern flooding his eyes.

“Yeah, babe, why wouldn’t I be?” You replied, your voice going up an octave to keep the tears from spilling. You knew immediately that he noticed something was wrong.

“Hey, hey, look at me,” Harrison had stepped in front of you while you were in the middle of taking out a carton of eggs, his hand reaching up to gently take hold of your face.

When he looked into your eyes, he saw the tears welled in your eyes, and his heart broke at the sight. Harrison had known you to be strong and independent, a woman who always looked at the bright side of things when it went south. You never really cried in front of him, even though he knew you had the softest heart. So seeing you like this alarmed him, with all of the worst case scenarios coming to mind.

“What’s wrong, my love?”

When the words left Harrison’s mouth, you broke down. You felt your whole body collapse into his as your sobs wrecked your body, the weight of your negative thoughts finally getting the best of you. “Why am I not good enough, Haz? Why don’t people care about me as much as I do for them?”

If Harrison’s heart was breaking before, his heart was shattered at your words. “What do you mean, my love? Who said that to you?”

You took a deep breath to calm yourself down before you explained. “No one. It’s just... I saw a post of all of my best friends hanging out together without me, and... ugh this is gonna sound stupid, but I felt really left out, and it made me wonder who even really cares for me and what I did wrong and...”

“Angel,” Harrison interrupted, hands slowly reaching to cup your face again, this time tracing little circles on the hollows of your cheeks, “breathe. You are not sounding stupid at all. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You are a wonderfully amazing woman who has the world’s biggest heart, and guess what? I care for you, a whole lot. I love you so much, y/n, and a lot of people do too. Don’t you ever forget that.”

His caring words brought more tears in your eyes, this time because you knew he meant it. Harrison always had a way of saying precisely what you needed to hear - and even if it wasn’t exactly perfect, you knew that he always came from a place of love. “Harrison, I... I don’t know what to say,” you stuttered.

“You don’t have to, love. Let me speak for you,” Harrison whispered, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “You are wickedly smart, and you know how to fix a flat tire better than I can.”

You giggle at his words as he continues, pressing a kiss to your cheeks. “You have quite possibly the prettiest, cutest blush I have ever seen on a woman. I could watch your lovely cheeks flush all of the time and you’d still make my heart flutter.”

Harrison pushes the groceries aside as he lifts you on the counter, lips dancing over your neck. “You always put others first, always making sure others are well taken care of and loved before anything.”

He tugged at your cream sweater, and he lifted the garment over your head, lips grazing over your bare shoulder. “You are incredibly strong, not just physically - even though watching you lift is so damn hot - but internally too. Whenever things get rough in life, you always know exactly how to handle it, and I love that about you. But don’t think you can’t share your burdens with me, angel. I am here for you, and we need to be able to communicate what we feel. Isn’t that what you taught me?”

You look down at him, eyes soft as you remember the night Harrison had his own nervous breakdown and you calmed him down. “Yes, I remember. I told you that you never have to worry about carrying your burdens on your own anymore. That you could always tell me anything, no matter how pretty or ugly.”

“Yes,” Harrison smiled, slowly lifting his face back to meet yours, lips touching ever so slightly, “and that’s what I want you to remember for me. ‘M always gonna be here for you, y/n, no matter what.”

You felt your heart flutter as you pressed your lips to his, words expressing all that you couldn’t explain to him. Lips screaming I love you with an intense passion. Hands reaching to pull him closer to you, tugging on the soft sandy blonde curls.

Once you broke away, you snuggled into his neck as you wrapped your arms around his body in a hug, his own hands sliding around your waist. “Thank you,” you whispered in his ear, kissing his neck gently.

“You’re welcome, love. Now lemme show you how much I love you,” Harrison spoke softly as he lifted you off the counter, walking towards his room.

“Babe, what about the groceries?” You questioned as you nodded your head to the food displayed on the counter.

“Screw the groceries. I gotta make sure my girl is well taken care of,” Harrison muttered before capturing his lips with yours as he shut the bedroom door.

[quackspot]

i started thinking about that gay bastard oc of yours. platano. can u tell me about him

omg u wer thinkgin about platano..... mr banana man... mr 4011. i am obsessed with the banana code srry i just got back from work (it was good :-D)

any way. um. im going below the cut. he kidnaps people and he murders people and i hate him because he’s also a massive weeb so. hm

HISTORY OF PLATANO... yea his name is spanish for banana

his father, pablo, will probably get a name change someday but i literally never think of his father since the only thing he did in platano’s backstory was disappear 

since platano’s world has characters based off like. fruits and vegetables (there aren’t really any limit to what the characters are based off of. it was in my lazy google translate name phase so we have like... a gay character named arcenciel who becomes dadlike through my powerful canon-changing touch. also arcenciel wears the colors of the rainbow as often as he can i haven’t figured out a good design for him since i’m not used to using more than 5 colors. he also owns a hat factory)

i think arcenciel and platano are friends they met when platano was like. 17 probably and arcenciel would be around uhhhhh ummmmmmm 21??? idk man but in canon he’s probably around 30 . yes i m saying “in canon” because i wrote a really dumb and horrible story back in 2018 arcenciel used to have HUGE internalized homophobia and i turned that into a running joke and i dislike that so that’s a reason why i’m not sharing the fun little story i wrote for my friends

(the best part of that story is when arcenciel threw his light-up rainbow heelies at platano, thus starting the boss fight which the main cast LOST.)

ok back to the topic at hand. platano.

i have a whole doc named platano where i just wrote drabbles about him so i’m going to summarize them

the first one was his friend, percisi (my only cishet oc he’s very short and very aggressive while also dressing in a soft-colored turtleneck since he’s based off of peaches) using a misunderstood form of satanism to summon satan. guess what percisi and platano summoned satan for. it was a manga update! wow

i won’t say the mangas name it was an inside joke

so platano was like “hey satan can i have this manga now please please” and satan went “sure just kill people for me” 

that determined platanos job for the next 7 or so years <3 wonderful. 

(it was basically me writing a backstory for a scene to happen in the main writing i wrote for my friends. he killed someone because someone else in the building was trying to summon satan. very confusing but okay i guess.)

i think right after that i wrote about platano meeting his boyfriend, sage, for the first time. i have horribly mixed feelings about their relationship since it’s very. Hm.

so platano kidnaps people to watch anime with him because all his friends left him and his best friend, mangue, is too busy being a dictator over the Land of the Fruits. i shit you not fruits oppressed the vegetables. i wrote that dynamic between the two because i was learning about the revolutionary war in US History. something like that at least

(the Land of the Fruits is not the official name)

on the topic of kidnapping people. guess who his favorite person was. sage. it was sage. so he tried to take sage often but they probably discussed Proper boundaries since everyone else tried to run away. hmm i am now going to write a bit right now 

“Platano,” Sage started. “Why do you keep kidnapping me? It’s rude and I hate it.”

“What else am I supposed to do?” The yellow-haired fool leaned on his sword, digging the tip deeper into the ground. 

“ASK ME IF I WANT TO HANG OUT??” 

“I can do that?”

“You keep making my dads worried.” Sage looked around the area, fidgeting with his hands. 

“Oh. Okay. Want to hang out? Watch some anime?” Platano paused for a moment, but managed to say “Maybe kiss?” before Sage got to answer.

“I- KISS??? We can watch anime together. We can go now.” 

Sage ushered Platano through a portal as fast as he could. 

His dads were never worried.

hmmm maybe that’s alright idk i’m a little tired so it’s probably a little out of character. sage probably isn’t that loud but i think it was trying to be the dynamic of “oh, we’re not dating” when they kiss every sunday at 5 pm by a romantic river scene 

he’s a character who is, at his very core, horrible and bad. he is portrayed in a way i DESPISE but i’m too lazy to correct it. his interest in sage actually started with me going “hmm i think platano would draw sage like this” then sauce giving me fun facts about his oc, sage, yea sage is sauce’s oc <3 epic win . so sauce gave me fun facts about sage and i was like “time to doodle these in platanos ‘art style’” when in reality it’s just the mockery of people just getting into an anime art style, with the chin so pointy it could cut a cake 

i might reread my old writing from 2018. i gotta agree with the judges for that year i did not write very well

it mightve actually been made in 2017 which would be FUCKIN CRAZY im gonna check rn 

yea it was started in 2018. february 14th... huh . finished it completely in june of that year it was 41 pages total and it’s not even double spaced how did i write something without double spacing it

OH MY GOD BOB IS GOING TO HIJACK THIS RANT JUST FOR A LITTLE

so bob is a fluffy little anthro cloud with a grey top hat and bowtie. he is amazing. i love bob. bob is another one of sauce’s character and mangue (mentioned earlier) was made by my friend jamie 

(you can always ask for their tumblrs but i’d ask them if its okay to share their tumblrs. i might just look at them and reblog their stuff cuz i like their art!!! maybe jamie posted a drawing she made recently on her blog but tbh i don’t think she would she’s more of a twitter user)

ok so im skimming thru UMG which is the story it stands for “Universe of Magic Gardens” and it was originally made for a prank on ponytown so people would go “what’s UMG” and my friends and i would be like “ur mom gay xDDDDDD” or something like that . horrible but i’m glad i’ve changed from . that.

here’s a bit i actually like AKLJFISJFIO

“What the actual FUCK, Ilkie?!” Arcenciel cringed in fear. “Put it back- it’s too ugly.” He pointed at Platano, whose arms were crossed. 

why is it bolded. anyway.

i just saw a part where eau used y’all... water cowboy moments <333 i really need to make refs for all of those old characters. all of my umg-related characters have to be my oldest-living ocs. 

i cant believe this is making me genuinely reread my old writing just to go “WJHFSIDAJKSFIOJ WTF????” 

some of the lines on it sound like something you would hear on like. a school bus or somethin 

looking at umg like “wtf how did i add so much Meat to this writing” bc most of my writing now is mostly quotations to progress the story (like the quickie i wrote earlier. i could add meat to it but im  tired lol)

OK THIS IS MORE GENERAL BUT MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT THIS WAS WRITING HAIKUS FOR PORTALS. after you visit a place enough times it’s kind of just an instinct to open a portal there so you don’t have to recite a haiku 

uhh ok here’s another bit becuase im feeling like living la vida loca.  ur biggest regret should be “can you tell me about him” by this point bc i’ve written too much to go back now

He landed on his face once he was outside of the hat. Meko quickly walked over to the guest room, opened the Portals for Dummies book, and flipped to a page. It looked devious.

“Banana, mango,

Each tasting amazingly.

A taste of evil.” 

Meko did the dance on the page, it consisted of something that looks like it’s from an anime. A portal opened, the familiar scent of bananas and mangoes coming from it. With some hesitation, Meko stepped in. He quickly made it so only his head peeked in.

it wasnt bolded this time but i like it bolded. ok i understand how i added meat it was just shitty expired meat ALKFSJSHDAIUJKFEIODSJAK . it wasnt even that much meat DAMN. it just looked like more.

actually that’s all i will write. i could  do more w platano but yea at his base he is a blonde twink who kills people because he wanted a manga but now he’s friends with a dictator. woo! wow. amazing character writing. i cant wait to get motivation to rewrite everything and make platano a good villain (he will still be very interested in anime sadly. idk why around that time i liked making characters who were obsessed with anime i didn’t even watch it much myself. i think it was because i wanted to put capes on them)

[yoong-i]

this was supposed to be a fav D-2 lyrics post but it just somehow turned into me rambling my thoughts about D-2 in regard to life and what he’s said in the interviews so far

So I started this and then my computer decided to restart and I lost all of it. And then when I finally finished it and hit save draft one last time, Tumblr stopped working. So if you see anything formatted weirdly, let me know. The universe was against me on this one.

As always, all translators are linked. Check them out and give them credit, they’re great at what they do. Sometimes they update things, so I really do recommend checking out the links to see if they’ve made any updates since I’ve posted.

I love Yoongi’s writing a lot, so I tend to get a bit wordy. I’d say I’m sorry but really, me doing these lyric posts is entirely self-indulgent so, I’m not.

(OK. I wrote that part before I finished and YIKES this ended up being SO LONG I am SORRY)

I want to point out some of the obvious references first that I know everyone on the internet has already figured out, but as I’ve said, idc. I like to have things in one place so I can look back at it. These ones don’t need much explanation, I feel, so I’m just gonna leave them here. Credits for these are with their songs down below.

“If you think you’re gonna crash, accelerate even harder, you idiot” 

From Moonlight, but also Intro: Never Mind, which is just so Yoongi to me. I think that song gives you an accurate picture of him.

“I got a big house big car big ring, bring anything over, I’ll give it to you” 

From What do you think?, and then No More Dream, Home, and Interlude: Shadow. This gif set breaks the references down nicely. It’s interesting to see the different tones he takes when referencing this line. I think Interlude: Shadow is my favorite, but really, I’m just biased to that song and they’re all truly great.

“I’m a king, I’i m a boss” 

Daechwita to Interlude: Shadow (I am sorry that this song is all I ever talk about all the time). I can’t remember if he references wanting to be the king/top in other songs, and I’m too lazy to check right now. So I’m going to go with no unless someone would like to correct me, I don’t mind.

There’s also the Burn It/Outro: Tear references that are just too much to copy and paste, really. I’m sure an argument can be made that it’s the whole song being referenced, but to me, this is the obvious part being referenced from Outro: Tear:

“Right, it’s there, what are you hesitating for? This is the end you wanted I hope you kill quickly without hesitation Woo yeah yeah burn it, woo yeah yeah yeah burn it, woo yeah yeah yeah burn it So that not even ashes are left. This is the real you and this is the real me We’ve now seen the end and there are not even resentments left Awake now from sweet dreams, I close my eyes This is the real you and this is the real me“

~~

While I didn’t list a lyric from Interlude: Set Me Free, I just want to say that I do really love this song, but there just aren’t many lyrics in it. Additionally, I’m not sure what exactly he’s saying he wants to be set free from, and so it doesn’t feel right to make an assumption about the lyrics. (Which is kinda bothering me, not in an annoyed way, but more or less just nagging at me.) But really, I love any interlude from Yoongi. Set Me Free sounds so beautiful and so calming and I wish the bird chirping didn’t drive my cat so crazy so I could enjoy it more.

~~

“Changes are fated to happen to everyone, perhaps, how we change is what our undertaking is about.”

Moonlight. I’ve said this before, but I really do love a good lyric about growing and changing and this mixtape definitely has a lot of it. I think it is interesting that he talks about change like this in the opening song, and then he talks about change in Dear my friend, which is much different given the tone of that whole song. Here, in the very first song, he poses the idea of “change is good, depending how you change” and then delves into a mixtape that discusses “the present” of his life (he tells Billboard in this article that this mixtape is about the present), which I find interesting. I’ll try to touch on it more in Dear my friend.

//

“What’s after this?  Feeling a strong feeling of reality check, a situation where there’s no higher. I had only looked up, now I just wanna look down and gently land.”

Daechwita. Yes, Interlude: Shadow AGAIN (as your local Shadow enthusiast, it only makes sense I pick a lyric that connects.) Although he says don’t let me down in Shadow, in that song I take it more as “I want to come down but I’m terrified of what’s gonna happen.” Where Shadow is more desperate, the tone of Daechwita is definitely more confident. Plus he has that whole mad king thing going for him (and then the whole killing the mad king thing) which Muish discusses wonderfully in the translation I linked.

This is another thing I love about Yoongi and his lyrics. He’s discussing the same thing in the lines of these different songs, but you get to witness these two battling personas when it comes to the topic. And I guess that is the point of there being a difference between Suga and Agust D, but I do wonder where Yoongi falls between these two. He lets you see his struggle and that’s why I love his writing. (I also love that for this song he says focus more on the visual and auditory enjoyment than the lyrics. The video really does tell a good story.)

//

“Crazy that you’d think that my success has a connection to your failure.”

“I have no fucking interest in those who ask whether idol music is music.”

What do you think? The idol lyric may seem like a weird choice, but as a long time boyband stan I’m so over the way artists who were/are in boybands get disregarded for their talent. I’ve come to realize I just need to stop caring whether or not they are socially accepted by “others” and just enjoy what music they are choosing to share with me and those who support them.

I don’t have much to say about the success lyric. It’s just Yoongi being his usual self and I love it.

//

“Capital injects morphine called hope with dream as collateral“

The first time I read this I did a double take. Much to unpack here, but I think that is even beyond me. Interpret it as you please.

“The one who has his eyes open in the world that has its eyes closed — now they make him blind, isn’t it strange.” 

Namjoon has a similar lyric later, but rather than the second half of Yoongi’s lyric, Joon says “that he has his eyes open alone is so much more strange for me” and I love the contrast between the two. Very on brand too.

“But still, life goes on, somehow, just like this, everyone, in their own chicken coop, says they’re okay.”

Strange. I had to stop myself because it is very hard to just not copy and paste the whole freakin song. I love anything these two create together as they are two of the most wonderful lyricists I have ever seen. Going off of that, this song is very reminiscent of Respect for me. Do yourself a favor and just sit down and read through these lyrics (Strange, but also I always recommend Respect). Songs like these make me wish I was a fly on the wall for conversations between these two.

//

“People change, just as I have, there’s nothing eternal about life, they’re all happenings that pass by”

“Did someone say humans are the animals of wisdom? The way I see it, humans are the animals of regret”

People. I love this song a lot (and NOT just because he sounds like an angel in it...) Despite that, I’m not sure why but I found myself stuck on what he was trying to say with this song as a whole. I enlisted my best friend for help and she gave me some good insight and one of the things she said was “good can come out of living each day like it means something.” While I didn’t see this song as inherently negative, I don’t think I was viewing the song in a way that would have allowed me to see this silver lining. I saw it as more cynical I guess?

//

“Tomorrow will come and go once again, this kind of me, that kind of you are both simply enduring the day, I guess.”

Honsool. Time isn’t real. Am I writing this at 2 o’clock in the morning when I should be asleep? Maybe so. But time isn’t real and the days come and go and we’re all just enduring. I like the word choice there. Not surviving, or getting by, or living. We’re enduring.

//

“I grow older and become to know the world, and yet, would it have been better to not know the world?”

Ignorance is bliss. Kinda. This lyric actually reminded me of Nightmare by Halsey, one part specifically: “'Cause kindness is weakness, or worse, you're complacent, I could play nice or I could be a bully, I'm tired and angry, but somebody should be” And like. Yeah. Would I rather be ignorant to all the world’s problems and not give a shit about anything just to be happy, or should I let myself succumb to believing in cynicism for the sake of the world and caring about things? I used a different translation for this lyric than I did for the other two lyrics in 28.

“To live, live, live just one day without any worries, just one day without any concerns.” 

“I thought it’d change when I turned twenty, I thought it’d change when I graduated, Shit, if I’m thirty like this, this, And so, so, what’s changed with me?”

28. This was another one of those where I had to stop and tell myself, Ahna, please do not copy every lyric. But, just know that I wanted to. We spend so many of our days looking forward because we are so displeased with where we are currently at (reminder: this mixtape is about the present.) There’s the constant thought of “once I achieve this thing, it’ll be better!” We’ve all done it, I’ve done it, and I truly hate it. The difference here is you have someone like Yoongi, who is at the top, who has it “all” and he is still stuck in this mindset. Oh, also, hi he’s talking about change again. 

//

“[Always], the choice and decision is yours to make. I hope you don’t forget that giving up decisively also counts as courage.”

Burn It. It is now 4am and Burn It just came on shuffle and I’ve been staring at this lyric for a bit too long, hating my 2pm fully conscious self for choosing this one and leaving writing about it for last. This lyric is existential crisis content. I don’t think I’ve ever in my life heard someone talk about giving up in this way. Giving up can be so powerless, but thinking about giving up in this way not only restores power, but also praises you for being able to make such a decision bold decision for yourself. Makes you think a lot about Yoongi and how he turned out the way he has.

Yoongi reiterated a similar thought in the interview with TIME: “It’s good to know that it’s fine when things go in an unintended direction, because you can always start over again. Keep calm, take the next-best option and move forward.” And this translator also points out another instance, just a month before he dropped his mixtape, of him saying basically the same thing again to one of the listeners on his Live who said they gave up their dream: “I don’t know what circumstances you were in, but I think you must have had tremendous courage. Giving something up decisively takes lots of courage. And, you’ve worked hard.” Like, is he trying to make me cry? 

//

“Was it you who changed? Or was it me? I hate this flowing time, it's us who changed.”

Dear my friend. First, in regard to the lyric itself, there are so many friendships we look back on, ruined or not, and wonder whose fault it was. Maybe even blame them if it’s easier. While it does vary by friendship, I do think it’s important to step back and question our place in it all going wrong, and how we have changed as well. The “I hate this flowing time, it's us who changed” reminds me of how sometimes there truly is nothing you can do when it comes to changing and growing apart from people. It’s not your fault, it’s not my fault, we have changed in ways we both needed to and we are not compatible anymore. I do think the overarching theme in Dear my friend is different from this, however.

I was not expecting this song at all. I think a lot of stuff Yoongi writes is very open and vulnerable, but this song really took me by surprise because it’s a different kind of open. This song will make you miss friendships and people that went downhill, wondering what more you could have done for them. Why he gotta do me like this.

Going back to the thought I posed in Moonlight, in Dear my friend we witness a change that just... isn’t good. Aside from that, on an album which is supposedly all about the present of his life, this song is not. Maybe it is present because it is something that still clearly bothers him, and something, or rather someone, he thinks about a lot, but I still find it interesting. Maybe it was just a sentiment he felt he really needed to get out. 

He talks about change a lot on this album, yet when they ask him in the D-2 interviews (TIME/Billboard) about how he feels things have changed since the last mixtape, he says he doesn’t feel his life really changed.

If you listen to Intro: Never Mind, he says the only thing he feels that’s different about him is his height, and that he’s mature compared to people his age. That must be very grounding, feeling that despite the whirlwind of his life and fame he is still the same person he’s always been. And then again, 5 years later in 2020, the only change he mentions about himself is that he’s matured. I guess “matured” can be taken different ways, especially in regard to the way he talks about growth on this album. But I respect and admire him talking about himself like this. I appreciate the introspection and I take maturing in this context as a positive thing. I take it as him growing in good ways, becoming better versions of himself, which I feel shows in the art he produces. 

One more thought, and it goes back to the interviews. Yoongi told TIME “what’s good is good” is his philosophy. I think back to 28 and People, and the drastic difference between his life and mine, or as he would say, the difference between our ordinaries and extraordinaries, yet we both have the same bad habits and worries about the future.  

Yoongi seems like a walking hazard sign for wanting more or too much, warning of it not being better and it being lonely to have “everything” you want. Considering how simple the phrase “what’s good is good” is, I have spent too long thinking about it in relation to all of this. He uses it in People when talking about the average ordinary life. In the new Break the Silence docu-series, he talks about not being able to do ordinary things like go out for a coffee or to the movies. It is once again his reminder, things are not better up there. You will still struggle. Be content with what you have. If it’s good, its good, and what’s good is good. Let it be. 

~~

This felt like a good ending note, and then I remembered Billboard asked him, “What is a line or thought you share on D-2 you want listeners to be left thinking about?“ And this was his answer:

“So what, if we live like that, so what My distinction is your ordinary My ordinary is your distinction”

I thought it was funny that I somehow ended this by talking about the one thing he wanted to leave us thinking about. Mission accomplished Yoongi.

~~

In regard to raising questions about norms and how we live, Yoongi said he just merely wanted to raise the question mark - not provide the answers - and boy did he here. I will be thinking about this all for a while. This took me so much longer to write than intended, mostly just because I wasn’t expecting to feel so strongly about all the songs.  Thank you for the art honey my dude.

[allthephils]

Beneficial

A week without posting, she comes back with a fic. Yeah. Hi guys. I’m back.

Word count: 2707 Rated M (Non-explicit sexual content, dick talk :), bants and fluff, strangers to lovers)

This was written for @phandomficfests Bingo to fulfill my mistaken identity and sharing a bed squares.

Read on AO3

Phil likes the finer things. He can definitely afford to stay in a well appointed hotel with soft linens and big windows and views of the city. There are, however, a few things that Phil appreciates more than luxury. A real home, lived in and loved, is one of them, a beautiful man who is just as generous with his body as he is with his living space is another. Anthony is just a friend, a friend with a very nice little home in Los Angeles who welcomes Phil to stay whenever he’s in town. In fact, he welcomes him right into his bed. Waking up naked and wrapped in muscular arms beats room service breakfast any day. 

When Anthony texted the door code, he’d added, not sure I’ll be there but make yourself at home. It usually goes this way, Anthony pretending he’s got plans, that he isn’t looking forward to the particular benefits their friendship affords, emphasizing the casual nature of it all. Phil comes in with no expectations and it’s been Anthony that moves first every time, inching closer on the sofa, leaning in. The last time, he’d pulled his shirt off before Phil even had the door closed behind him.

The flight into LAX landed around ten so it’s nearly midnight when Phil arrives at Anthony’s place. It’s well into morning in London and Phil is feeling every minute of it as he squints through dry contacts to punch the code into the number pad on the door. The house is dark and quiet. Anthony would have left a light on if he were gone. Phil assumes he’s sleeping and quietly ducks into the guest bathroom to take out his contacts, brush his teeth, and strip down to his pants. Funny how he almost always wears pajamas at home but not here. It’s warm in LA and there’s no need for modesty. Why hide what’s on offer?

Shuffling his feet in hopes of alerting himself to obstacles before tumbling over them, Phil makes his way, nearly blind in the dark. The bedroom door is open. The sound of soft, even breaths moves through the silence. Anthony faces the other way but those curly locks on the pillow are so familiar, even through Phil’s blurry eyes. There’s something incredibly intimate about standing near someone while they sleep, knowing he was invited, that he’s trusted enough to be in this vulnerable place. 

Carefully, Phil pulls back the duvet and lays himself down. He drags a finger over the floof of curly hair on the pillow next to his. He’d love to move his body closer, to press his chest to Anthony’s back, wrap his arm around his waist, tuck a leg between his strong thighs. His body is unreal. The thought of pressing himself up against that taut little bum has Phil’s body responding in ways he thought he was way too tired for. He is, however, definitely too tired to act on any of those biological impulses. Even if he weren’t, he wouldn’t assert himself in that way. And so, with hopeful anticipation for what the morning may bring, the boundaries stay firmly in place and within minutes, he’s asleep.

Morning comes but the room is still dark, blackout shades pulled down to keep the hot Los Angeles sun from streaming in. Phil is just emerging from a lovely dream involving Chris Hemsworth and a strawberry cheesecake when he feels a hand on his hip. He hums his approval just as the hand slips forward, finding Phil’s dick and squeezing him gently through his pants. He can feel breath on the back of his neck and the firm ridge of Anthony’s erection against his ass. This is bold, even for Anthony and it feels so good. Phil grabs the hand on his dick and pushes it under the waistband of his pants. Long fingers curl around him and he rocks his hips forward, seeing no reason to hold back. 

 There’s a breathy chuckle behind Phil’s ear. “Wow,” Anthony says in a terrible, posh British accent. He sounds ridiculous. “have you been taking supplements?”

 Phil just sort of grunts with a question mark, his brain is admittedly a little foggy.

 “Maybe my memory is bad but you weren’t this big before?” He’s still stroking and he’s still making fun of Phil’s accent. “Did you buy vitamins off of Facebook or something?” Anthony laughs and Phil wonders if he has a cold, he sounds a little stuffed up.

 “Ditch the accent, you sound like Christopher Robin.” Phil giggles but the laughter stops abruptly when the hand on his dick stills. His hips rock on their own, chasing that delicious stroke and he whines. “Why’d you stop? You ok?”

 The next sound is a whisper, “you aren’t Anthony.” The words come out slowly.

 “I’m not,” Phil says. He takes a moment to talk himself out of the absolute panic telling him to grab the bedside lamp and smash it over the head of whoever is behind him. This person knows Anthony well enough to be sleeping in his bed. If Anthony trusts him, Phil can trust him, he probably isn’t going to murder him and wear his skin. Probably.

 Phil clears his throat, “um, I’m gonna turn around, ok?”

 The man with the skilled hands answers with an affirmative squeak. To be clear, his own hard dick is still pressed between Phil’s ass cheeks and his hand hasn’t moved. 

 “Sorry, but, um, your hand is still on my dick,” Phil says, speaking slowly and quietly. He’s not sure why he’s using his dog and child voice, it just seems like a delicate moment. 

 Before the last syllable is uttered, the hand is pulled back and every point of contact between them is broken. 

 Phil reaches over to turn on the lamp before taking a deep breath, and carefully turning over to see who’s hand he was just fucking himself into.

 “Please tell me you aren’t Anthony’s boyfriend,” he says as he turns.

 “I’m not Anthony’s...Phil?” 

 Even in the blur, Phil can tell he’s good looking. “Well good, I’m not Anthony’s Phil either.” Phil laughs, nerves settling a bit in light of the pretty brown eyes looking back at him. 

 “No, no. You’re Phil. You’re AmazingPhil.”

 “Oh!” Phil says, “Yeah I am.”

 “Ok, makes sense.”

 “What makes sense?” Phil scrambles to the foot of the bed where he’d discard his backpack last night and digs out his glasses. Previous events notwithstanding, he’s feeling quite naked in front of this stranger and gets himself back under the covers as quickly as he can.

 “You know, YouTubers, I imagine there are loads of messy relationships among you lot.”

 “Oh yeah, bunch of awkward nerds who never leave the house. We’re wild!” Phil giggles before clarifying, “Anthony is just a friend.”

 “A friend you climb into bed with, in the middle of the night, in your underwear?”

 Phil is sitting up against the headboard. His new friend is still laying down, giving Phil a lovely view, now that he’s wearing his glasses. His skin is gorgeous, just dewy and beautiful even first thing in the morning. It makes Phil equal parts jealous and thirsty. 

 “Ok, judgey McJudgerston. I seem to remember a certain strong hand on your not boyfriend’s cock not too long ago.”

 A rosy bloom appears on the man’s cheek, highlighting two dark brown freckles, so perfectly placed. “Strong hand, huh?” He smirks, pushing a dimple right into the center of the arrangement on his cheek. It’s like a little work of art and Phil stares for perhaps a bit too long.

 “Sorry I made fun of your accent.”

 He looks up at Phil and shrugs, “it’s ok. I do sound like Christopher Robin.” There’s a beat of silence before he adds, “Sorry for wanking you.”

 Phil opens his mouth to speak but he just can’t, laughter bubbles up instead, Christopher Robin follows suit and it takes a good while for them both to gather themselves.

 “Hi,” the guy is sitting up now, thrusting his hand out ceremoniously for a handshake, “I’m Dan.”

 Phil looks down at the hand in front of him, “knowing where that hand has been, I think we are past formalities.” He grins, “I’m Phil. But you know that. You know this is a first for me?”

 “What is? Getting a handjob from a stranger?”

 “Oh no, not that.” Phil is laughing again, he can feel it taking over, heat rushing to his cheeks. He’s giddy but he tries his best to steel himself. “You’re the first fan I’ve ever been in bed with.”

 “Who says I’m a fan?”

 With one eyebrow raised, Phil says, “Well if you weren’t before…”

 Dan shakes his head, and gives Phil’s shoulder a gentle shove. He leans back on the headboard next to Phil. There’s lots of room in this big king sized bed, he doesn’t have to sit so close but he does and their arms vie for space.

 “I guess your pretty disappointed that Anthony’s not here?” Dan says.

 “Not really.” Phil turns his head to look at Dan. “He said he might not be. We really are just friends. I crash here when I’m in LA, and sometimes we hook up.”

 “How very modern.” 

 “I totally thought you were him, I’m so blind without my glasses, and you really do look alike.” 

 “Oh sure, all you’d have to do is touch literally any part of my body. I’m a fair bit more, uh, fluffy, than Anthony.”

 Phil’s hand has come to rest on Dan’s thigh. “Well you were all pressed up against me earlier and you felt great to me.”

 “I mean,” Dan says, “I’m no Anthony but I guess I’m not completely hideous.”

 “Not completely hideous? Not to overstep any boundaries, but you’re hot, Dan. Way better than I expected when I turned around.”

 “Yeah? Thanks.”

 “What did you think when I turned around?”

 “I thought, oh my god, its AmazingPhil, he’s even hotter in person, oh my god.”

 Phil laughs, “Thought you weren’t a fan.”

 “I may have seen a few videos.” He finally looks at Phil. “I’ve always wanted to be the kind of person who makes videos.”

 “So what’s stopping you?”

 “Bit old now.”

 “Oh yeah, for sure Dan. No one could possibly relate to you at the ripe old age of, what? 24?”

 “27.”

 “27!? Wow. I’m surprised you can still get it up. I really admire your active senior lifestyle. Do you need me to get your walker so you can make it to the bathroom? Or…” Phil covers his mouth with his fingers. “Is that a sore subject? Are you wearing a diaper under there?” He lifts the blanket to peek at Dan and the mirth drops away. 

 The reality is, Dan is definitely wearing only boxer briefs and his legs are long and thick and really lovely, pressed up against Phil’s. The reality is that they are both ‘friends’ with Anthony but Phil would really like to see what benefits Dan has to offer right now.

 Dan had folded his arms to wait out the ridicule but now he wears a very particular expression. It’s an expression that says he knows he has the upper hand here, it says he knows Phil wants him. Phil should probably say something but his brain is too busy conjuring images of those legs in all sorts of filthy configurations.

 “What’s on your mind there, Phil?” 

 Phil wants to wipe the smirk off Dan’s face. What he wants more is to lay down and pull Dan on top of him, he wants to feel that body again. He can’t do that though, not in Anthony’s bed. That would be wrong. He repeats it like a mantra in his head. I will not fuck Anthony’s other hook up in his bed. I will not fuck Anthony’s other hook up in his bed. 

 “I don’t wanna talk about work,” Phil says. He looks Dan in the eye and grins. “Let’s talk about how my dick is bigger than Anthony’s.”

 “Something tells me you already knew that.” There’s laughter in Dan’s voice.

 “Still liked hearing you say it.”

 “I mean, it’s a good dick. I didn’t want to let go.” Dan shifts, angling his body so he’s facing Phil. “Please don’t tell him I said that. Actually, let’s not tell him about any of this.”

 “Deal.” 

 Dan is just looking at him now and Phil squirms under the attention. 

 “You look cute like this,” Dan says after a few moments have passed, “with the glasses and your hair all messed up.” On those last words, he reaches up and rakes his fingers through Phil’s droopy quiff.

 It’s nothing, just a moment of eye contact and little touch, a little touch from long fingers that were wrapped around Phil’s cock not long ago. He feels it happening and he knows he shouldn’t let it. He’s such a sucker for a sweet man and this one is beautiful and tall and his skin is soft. His gaze dances from Dan’s eyes to his lips to his smooth chest and back again. The hand in his hair slips behind his head and he sees Dan smile as he pulls him in. 

 “Promise you aren’t dating Anthony?” Phil whispers, though he’s already tipping his head to one side and closing his eyes.

 “I promise.” 

 Phil’s mind goes blank, there’s nothing but soft lips and strong hands and now Dan’s on his lap and Phil’s hands are down the back of his pants, pulling him down, rocking them together. 

 Dan nips at Phil’s bottom lip as he pulls away. “No offense but your breath is horrendous.” 

 “None taken,” Phil says, squeezing his handfuls of flesh hard, “yours is too.” He ducks his head to kiss up the side of Dan’s neck. It earns him the sexiest little grunt so keeps going, adding a well placed suck every now and again. 

 Dan is proper grinding now, panting and rolling his hips. “I wanna make out,” he says, “let’s go brush our teeth then you can fuck me in the shower.”

 So much for sweet. Phil pulls his hands from the fun they’re having and pushes Dan away gently. “Alright, fuck, we have to...You need to get off.”

 “I’m trying.” Dan bends forward till his lips are dangerously close to Phil’s nipple.

 “No, off of me. Come on Dan, you know we can’t do this.”

 Dan flops down next to Phil, catching his breath, looking dejected.

 “We have no idea where Anthony is or when he’s coming home. And I don’t know the rules. For like, friends with benefits and their other friends with other benefits and whether we’re allowed to like benefit from each other.” Phil takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes.

 “I think we’re adults and we can do whatever the fuck we want.”

 “I don’t know,” Phil says, “In his house? It seems like bad manners.”

 “Yeah, yeah, you’re right. Sorry.” Dan stands and starts to gather his things. “Can I give you my number? Maybe we can…”

 “No.” Phil says and Dan freezes for a moment before picking up his pace. “Don’t leave. I like you. And I need coffee. Let’s get coffee and then, maybe you could show me your place?”

 Dan turns to face Phil with the most gorgeous smile on his face. “So you wanna fuck me in my shower?”

 “I want to buy you coffee and a croissant and hear all about you.” Phil stands up and walks to Dan. He wraps his arms around his waist. They make such a match like this. They just fit, chest to chest, eye to eye, cock to cock. That’s gotta be some kind of fate or maybe Anthony just has a type. Phil chooses to believe it’s fate.

 Dan lets Phil hold him there. It’s the kind of moment that usually comes steps before laying in bed half naked and kissing with morning breath. Their noses bump, and Dan’s smile softens into something sweet again. “You wanna buy me coffee?”

 Phil nods.

 “And then fuck me in my shower?”

 Laughing, Phil smacks Dan’s ass. “Get dressed you perv. We’ve got a date.”