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juliaisabellphoto · 4 years ago

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My 2020 Albums of the Year

Never requested, always provided. Here are my favorites of 2020. Here’s the playlist.

The Secret Sisters, Saturn Return

As soon as I saw “Water Witch, featuring Brandi Carlile” on this tracklist I knew that the Secret Sisters would be a favorite of 2020. In February, I was staying with a friend in Nashville and she mentioned them as a local favorite, and when I stopped at Grimey’s to shop for records I came upon a signed copy of “Saturn Return.” I had never heard the Secret Sisters before, but there is nobody I trust more to recommend music than this Nashville friend of mine, so I bought it. I made no mistake here: this record blew me away. The soft, soulful, lullaby of “Healer in the Sky” pulled me through the pain of the first month of quarantine and soothed me as the world was turned upside down. In reading more on the record, this seems to have been the point: they say, “this album is a reflection of us coming to terms with how to find our power in the face of an unfair world… our hope is that women can feel less alone in their journey through the modern world.” There is something in the caramel-thick sweetness of these sisters’ voices that makes a listener feel as though they’ve been bewitched into calm. When I think of this album, I think of the cross-country drive I took at the beginning of the pandemic to make my way home and the happy moments that can be found in darkness. No album touched my heart this year in the way that “Saturn Return” did.

Taylor Swift, Folklore and Evermore

Taylor Swift… can even be said? Somehow, while we all sat on our couches in quarantine, this woman created not one but two musical masterpieces. She begins “the 1” by stating “I’m doin good, I’m on some new shit,” and that says a lot about the album as a whole. She created the 2020 we all wish we experienced: soft, sweet, and gentle. Listening to Folklore feels like visiting a cabin in the woods, with a fireplace well lit. Swift tells winding stories of love, hardship, and mystery and tenderly walks us through the forest of her imagination. This magical feeling was amplified by her release of The Long Pond Studio Sessions, a film in which Swift, Jack Antonoff, and Aaron Dessner finally play the album together for the first time after recording it entirely remotely. The setting matches the sound: they play in an album in the middle of the woods, cozy and hidden from the snow. Evermore cuts through the delicate ice of Folklore: it is the color to Folklore’s black and white. Swift combines the soft folk sound of “willow” with some of her country and Americana roots in “no body, no crime,” drawing us in once again. She includes Bon Iver singing in his lower register in Folklore and then in his falsetto in Evermore: two sides of the same magic coin. The work in these two albums is Swift’s strongest ever, and solidifies the fact that no modern artist can really reach her.

Chris Stapleton, Starting Over

Following a three-year hiatus, all lovers of southern rock deeply needed a Chris Stapleton album. In “Starting Over,” Stapleton yet again does what he does best: combines his unique whiskey-tinged growl with the best lyricism present in country music today. This record can’t be captured in any singular fashion, neither musically nor emotionally. The title track sets a high bar for the rest of the record with a reflection on re-remembering what really matters, a message certainly relevant for this turbulent year. Stapleton’s typical outlaw-country brand is present in full with “Devil Always Made Me Think Twice,” “Arkansas,” and “Hillbilly Blood,” but other songs take him in a completely new stylistic direction. “Maggie’s Song” takes on a very classic old-time country feel, as Stapleton weaves sweet and simple stories as he processes the loss of his pup. He harnesses the energy of the Chicks as he angrily lambasts the perpetrators of the 2017 mass shooting at Route 91. The song is a Stapleton-sponsored judgment day reckoning, including the cacophonic sound of a crowd in panic and the shrieks of a gospel choir. In contrast with this energetic high, Stapleton goes deep into his blues side by finally releasing “You Should Probably Leave,” a song he has been sitting on for six years. This one feels just right to sway around the kitchen to. With each listen to “Starting Over” I find new lyrics to write down and remember, new sounds to love.

Bad Bunny, YHLQMDLG

Bad Bunny. Our unproblematic reggaeton prince. In the wake of his many popular features and his collaborative album with J Balvin, Bad Bunny makes it clear that it is time for Balvin to share the throne of popular reggaeton. He features the original reggaeton king Daddy Yankee in “La Santa,” paying tribute to the very classic reggaeton style before mixing it and transcending beyond the classics in the following tracks. “Yo Perreo Sola” is the album’s standout track, accompanied by my favorite music video of 2020. The song is an ode to gender equality and the destruction of the patriarchal norms contributing to gender-based violence. “Yo Perreo Sola,” meaning “I twerk alone,” sets the overarching theme of consent present throughout the song’s lyrics. In the video, Benito’s backdrop references the Argentinian-born “Ni Una Menos” movement, a now global movement against gender-based violence. As if this wasn’t enough to make you adore him, the video further extends its activism to the LGBTQ community, with Benito appearing in full drag, in his normal attire, and at some points held in chains by women. He makes a statement about sexuality and gender expression in the video, twerking solo. The other jawdropper track on YHLQMDLG is Safaera, a perfect display of Bad Bunny’s skill in expanding the scope of reggaeton as a genre. In the same thirty seconds of the song, he subtly samples both “Could You Be Loved” by Bob Marley and the Wailers and Missy Elliot’s “Get Ya Freak On” - a segment I just can’t get out of my head. Bad Bunny’s prowess on this record is rounded out with the aggressive and prideful “P FKN R.” What a masterpiece.

Mac Miller, Circles

A posthumous record that never should have been posthumous. A companion-piece to Mac’s 2018 record “Swimming,” Circles takes a similar tone, one of resilience through pain. The title track serves as a somber introduction, followed by the funk energy of “Complicated” and the GO:OD AM energy of “Blue World.” The song that really got to me, and many other fans of Mac, was “Good News.” It is the pinnacle of Mac’s musical insight and talent. The melody matches the melancholy of the track, as Mac sings of his desire for time and space. The melancholy is matched in “Everybody” with the lines about death feeling particularly haunting in the wake of Miller’s accidental overdose. Somehow, Miller wrote the perfect eulogy for himself prior to his passing, one that will live in the hearts of his fans forever.

Kali Uchis, Sin Miedo (del Amor y Otros Demonios) ∞

I’m not quite sure what to call this record. If I just listened to “la luna enamorada,” a cover of a classic Cuban bolero, I would call it gorgeous. If I just listened to “fue mejor” featuring PARTYNEXTDOOR or “quiero sentirme bien,” I would call it sexy. If I just listened to “vaya con dios,” I would think she wrote the theme music for the next James Bond film. The bottom line of the record is Uchis’ absolute stunning use of her upper register. She hits notes that “Isolation” never would have foreshadowed, painting a dreamland for any listener. She slides back into the energy of her sophomore album in “telepatia,” but adds in moments of her new sound. She incorporates a slower reggaeton beat into no eres tu (soy yo), and dives into a heavier reggaeton sound in te pongo mal (prendelo.) My personal favorite of the record is “aqui yo mando!” with Rico Nasty: it is the perfect display of Uchis’ unique upper register combined with Rico’s trap style. Anyone passing this record up for another “Isolation” listen is missing out.

FLETCHER, The S(ex) Tapes

This record has a story like no other, coming from a woman like no other. This EP was recorded while Fletcher quarantined with her ex-girlfriend, who also happened to film all of the music videos for it. It is this messiness that makes The S(ex) Tapes absolute magic. Fletcher’s own description of the name of the release explains the situation best: “A sex tape is someone being captured in their most vulnerable, wildest, rawest form, and my ex has always captured me that way.” She captures all of the feelings of a breakup with someone you still love deeply, and the relationship relapse that comes with moving past those feelings. Fletcher’s special ability comes in representing these deeply painful experiences in an uplifting manner: this is a sexy pop EP meant to be danced to. Fletcher simultaneously validates all of the emotional tumult, but subtly nudges the listener toward blissful reckless abandon. It almost makes me wish I had a breakup to go through! The abrasive apathy of “Shh… Don’t Say It” and the flippant, angry vulnerability of “Bitter” are paired perfectly with Fletcher’s raw brand of distortion. In an interview with Nylon, Fletcher speaks to this: “Listen, I've done my fair share of just straight-up sad, crying in your bed music. I'm still going through shit, but I want to bop to it. We can still be emo and want to twerk at the same time.” Yes, Fletcher, we do.

Halsey, Manic

Prior to 2020, I wasn’t Halsey’s biggest fan. I wouldn’t have even called myself a fan. I just wasn’t that excited by her music. “I’m Not Mad” was the song that triggered a 180 for me. The heavy, dissonant kick of the drums and her raw, angry lyricism drew me in without hesitation. I suppose this was just the push I needed to fall in love with the rest of her music: the songs with similar bite, “Without Me” and “killing boys,” and the more raw side of the record in “You should be sad,” “929,” and “Graveyard.” Her vulnerability is so much of what makes this record perfect. The album fully made sense to me when I listened to her podcast feature on “Armchair Expert” with Dax Shepard. In it, she talks through the time period covered by the record and gives context to her powerful lyricism. “Manic” is a story of chasing someone she loved into drug-fueled oblivion, and then finally finding the power to leave. The album is brimming with this power, and I just can’t turn it off.

HAIM, Women In Music Pt. III

HAIM is THE soft rock band of the modern era.Women In Music Pt. III, their most mature album yet, solidified this opinion for me in a way that I didn’t expect. There is so much to be said for this record: it is innovative and skilled, with the perfect balance of softness and hardness. Though the record is one of pain and trauma, you wouldn’t know it purely from its melodies. “Don’t Wanna” is a very classic HAIM pop rock number, and “The Steps” follows suit making frustration fun to dance to. Though one may not notice at first, in this record HAIM dives deeper than ever before. “Now I’m In It” does a phenomenal job of sonically representing the feeling of being completely and utterly overwhelmed. “I Know Alone” is a beautifully intimate rainy-day account of Danielle’s struggle with depression. Then comes “3AM” - a lighthearted song about a booty call with Thundercat-type bass and an R&B vibe - just in case you didn’t already know how much range these three sisters have. Everything about this record is filled with talent.

Phoebe Bridgers, Punisher

Only Phoebe Bridgers could write a song about murdering a skinhead and fill it with nostalgia. “Garden Song,” the leading single preceding “Punisher,” foreshadowed a record that is just so very Phoebe: melancholy, vulnerable, and heart-wrenching. The eagerly awaited album certainly followed suit, with typical sad ballads “Halloween” and “Moon Song” played alongside more raucous, Better Oblivion Community Center-esque songs such as “Kyoto” and “ICU.” She goes bluegrass on “Graceland Too” with banjo, violin, and layered harmonies from boygenius collaborators Lucy Dacus and Julien Baker. In “Punisher,” Bridgers shares with us the wistful catharsis that she is so very talented at creating.

Noah Cyrus, THE END OF EVERYTHING

I always underestimated Miley’s little sister, but here I am writing about her EP before I write about Miley’s in my end of the year roundup. Every piece in this record gave me chills: Cyrus’ lower register allows her to access a somber kind of ballad that I just can’t get enough of. The record starts off at a peak with the slow burn of “Ghost” and somehow manages to get even better with “I Got So High That I Saw Jesus.” This powerful song, even better in the live version where Miley joins her younger sister, builds into an almost gospel-like ode to the idea that everything will be okay. “July,” the single featuring Leon Bridges that pushed Cyrus into the national spotlight, stands as the most beautifully layered song of the EP. The soft guitar picking and choral sound complement Cyrus’ upper register. The whole record, extending through the closing title track, is a comforting, soft emotional analgesic for 2020.

The Chicks, Gaslighter

This record is gorgeous. It is painful. The feelings Natalie Maines expresses in this record are feelings I have felt far too deeply in personal relationships, and they also are feelings everyone is feeling globally in 2020. “Gaslighter” is just straight up fun, a perfect extension of the Chicks’ energy found in “Goodbye Earl” and other older revenge numbers (but with an extra poppy Jack Antonoff twist this time.) “Tights On My Boat” is bitter, funny, and shows off Maines’ upper register with stripped guitar. “Sleep at Night” musically and lyrically embodies the pain of being betrayed. “Julianna Calm Down” is a stunning ballad of female resilience. “Texas Man” perfectly captures the bubbly feeling of moving on. “For Her” and “March March” fit in with the frustrated, betrayed, power-centered theme of the record in a very different way. The Chicks’ dualistic ability to discuss her ex-husband’s cheating alongside the band’s political views is what makes the record special: not only are we watching a woman try to move on and develop her personal strength, but we are also seeing this personal strength harnessed for political impact. They simultaneously denounce the abuse of power in both politics and relationships, while reclaiming that power for themselves in standing up for what they believe in. How very Chicks of them.

Dua Lipa, Future Nostalgia

Dua motherfucking Lipa. This woman would have been the official owner of 2020 had we been able to dance to this record at bars and clubs. This was proven ten times over by the success of the album’s first single, “Don’t Start Now,” a song that is absolutely the MOST fun. Or so I thought… until I heard “Physical,” “Levitating,” and “Break My Heart.” What poor timing for such a phenomenal dance record, but at least she gave the people some great material for Tik Tok dances! All COVID-dance-related concerns aside, this is a really well done sophomore album for Dua Lipa. The funk elements of the album most clearly seen in “Levitating” elevate Dua’s brand of pop to a new level. The all gas no brakes nature of this dance-pop record works wonders for her - she knows what the people want from her, and she delivers.

Megan Thee Stallion, Good News

THIS! RECORD! If WAP could be an album of the year, it would be, but it’s a standalone single and Megan Thee Stallion proceeded to release the next best thing. The explosion of Megan Thee Stallion has been a pleasure to watch in 2020, with both WAP and Savage leaving the charge. With an artist like her, it’s easy to get lost in the smash hits and ignore the prolific nature of her work. “Good News” is an immaculate rap album, brimming with sass and defiant bad bitch energy. “Shots Fired” kicks off the album with a Biggie sample and a diss to the man who shot her in the foot earlier in the year, personally my favorite track of the record. Other highlights of the record include “Don’t Stop” with a Young Thug feature, “Body” which is now a Tik Tok staple, and “What’s New.” Perhaps the most impressive work Megan does on “Good News” is “Girls in the Hood,” a rework of Eazy-E’s Boyz-N-The-Hood. She inverts the classic misogyny of the original song by emphasizing her control over men like Eazy-E in an indignant assertion of female power. This embodies Megan Thee Stallion’s essence: busting in on a male industry and making her presence known.

Rico Nasty, Nightmare Vacation

Nobody does it like Rico Nasty, and I’m convinced nobody ever will. I saw a New York Times headline titled “Can the Mainstream Catch Up to Rico Nasty?” the other day and I think the answer is a firm no. Rico is abrasive, rude, and outside the box in the absolute best way. Need an album to slap in the car when you’re feeling like a bad bitch? This. is. it. The record kicks off with “Candy,” a song with a wild beat and the iconic chorus line “Call me crazy, but you can never call me broke.” Following is a Don Toliver and Gucci Mane feature in “Don’t Like Me,” a song that truly should have hit the mainstream by now. She gets back to her signature scream-rap in “STFU” and “OHFR.” “OHFR” is the confident standout of the album, along with the reworked re-release of “Smack a Bitch,” making it clear that Rico Nasty is not a woman to be fucked with. In “Back and Forth” with Amine, Rico steps into Amine’s “Limbo” style and does it well. The record’s second single “Own It” is a more classic club banger that unfortunately didn’t get to see the dark of night in any clubs this year. Even if the mainstream never catches up to Rico Nasty, I’ll be following along with her self-labelled “sugar trap.”

Ariana Grande, Positions

I mean, duh. Ariana just doesn’t miss. She surprised everyone with this album’s release in Fall 2020, displaying the bliss of her relationship with later-confirmed fiance. She goes dirtier than usual in the sex-centered “34+35” and “nasty,” rounding the record out with the Craig David-reminiscent “positions.” Ariana allows herself to lust for someone and even love for them in these three, but defaults to her brimming self-confidence in “just like magic” and “west side.” The album is more R&B than pop at times, with the peak of this style visible in the groove of “my hair” and the Mariah Carey ballad-like nature of “pov.” Each album, Grande shifts just a little bit, keeping us attached: “Sweetener”’s cotton-candy pop, the savage pop-trap of “thank u, next,” and the R&B conclusion of the spectrum with Positions.

Miley Cyrus, Plastic Hearts

This year I anticipated no record more than I did “Plastic Hearts.” Its leading single, “Midnight Sky,” described by Pitchfork as a “cocaine-dusted disco track,” channels Stevie Nicks’ eighties rock-pop era in the absolute best way. Apparently this opinion was even picked up by Stevie herself, as the two collaborated on a mash-up of “Midnight Sky” and Stevie’s “Edge of Seventeen” (the excitement from which nearly led to my passing away, by the way.) Cyrus’ voice is in the perfect place on this record, with “Plastic Hearts” emphasizing her rasp and making me want to spin around a room. She dips into the pop realm in “Prisoner” with Dua Lipa, a song that Lipa clearly influences with an unforgettably sexy music video. Every song is different on this record: “Gimme What I Want” channels the grinding rock sound of Nine Inch Nails, “Bad Karma” allows Joan Jett’s punchy style to run the show, and she slips on the shoes of Billy Idol in their collaboration, Night Crawling. Somehow, Miley manages to wear the shoes well, and 80s copycat record or not, I can’t stop listening. “Never Be Me” is where she shines most deeply, baring her soul, the complicated nature of her past few years’ journey, and her knowledge of who she is and always will be for the world to hear. I’m not sure if I’m blinded to the album’s flaws by my absolute and complete love for everything about Miley’s current persona, but I am a huge fan.

Glass Animals, Dreamland

The sound of this album is such a blissful respite! Glass Animals gives us the fun and funky techno-pop that they always do, but dive into personal lyricism in a way that they never have before. Many of the songs actually have a storyline (an intentionally rare feat for Dave Bayley, first broken with the incredible “Agnes” on their last album.) This record explores trauma and pain in “Domestic Bliss” and “It’s All So Incredibly Loud,” Bayley using the soft sides of his voice to express pained desperation. The boisterous energy of the past two records is not forgotten in Dreamland’s intimacy, however: “Hot Sugar,” “Tokyo Drifting,” and “Space Ghost Coast To Coast” do the trick. “Space Ghost Coast To Coast” is the most intriguing song on the record: at first listen, I had absolutely no idea what Dave was discussing and assumed it was just his typical neuroscience-inspired ear-candy. Upon a deeper dive, the song addresses the factors that encouraged Dave’s childhood friend to bring a gun to school. He disguises a discussion of the risk factors involved in school shootings within his flowery, figurative linguistic excellence. This duality of blissful melody and solemn subject matter is the magic of Glass Animals.

Empress Of, I’m Your Empress Of

This album is an emotional electro-pop masterpiece. This record meditates on the feelings felt in the wake of a relationship’s end. She begins the album with a quote from her mother about the reality and value of struggle, then launching into a synth-filled storm of missing someone. “Love Is A Drug” is the album’s next fun dance track, addressing the addictive quality of touch after you lose someone you love and embodying the urgency of the feeling. She takes a more somber tone with the influence of Jim-E Stack in “U Give It Up,” incorporating quotes from her mother about the difficulty of womanhood and reminiscing on love lost. In “Should’ve,” the post-relationship regret is palpable in her vocal tone and production, and in “Maybe This Time” she contemplates this pain. In “Give Me Another Chance,” her emotions swing the other way, with a bouncing dance beat and pleading vocals. The album concludes with the heartfelt and pain-filled “Hold Me Like Water” and the dissonant “Awful,” leaving the listener to meditate on the mood swings of a broken relationship.

Tame Impala, The Slow Rush

This album came out so early in 2020 that it already feels like a vintage piece of music. Perhaps that was the point. Although “The Slow Rush” had a hard time living up to Kevin Parker’s last epic masterpiece “Currents,” it was the fix many fans like myself needed after five years without an LP. “Borderline,” the single that allowed anticipation of the album to build, stands out as one of the most essentially Parker tracks of the record. He introduces a little Toro y Moi style funk in “Is It True,” and highlights his voice more than usual in “Lost In Yesterday.” “Posthumous Forgiveness” builds in the wonderfully dissonant fashion that fans learned to love through “Eventually.” The bass track on “Glimmer” is so good that I never even noticed it had nearly no lyrics. This record is not groundbreaking by any standards in the way that “Currents” was, but it is intentionally jubilant and energetic in a way that still feels good. Even if he doesn’t shatter any expectations in “The Slow Rush,” Tame Impala’s tracklist still makes the perfect sunset companion.

Joji, Nectar

Joji’s “Nectar” is just that: sweet R&B nectar, from the minute the first track plays. Joji’s work here is not in the individual tracks, but in the sonic experience he creates with the album as a whole. This is not an album to pick out singles from: it is a full cinematic mood adjustment. Maybe it’s the weed I smoked when I first listened, but the record feels like a wonderful progression of gentle yet rhythmic R&B songs. The transition from the soft and contemplative “MODUS” to the more upbeat trap-infused “Tick Tock” to the full R&B ballad “Daylight” featuring Diplo raises the listener’s energy gradually to a crescendo. “Run” is a gorgeous and sad confessional of disappointment, and “Sanctuary” follows as a soft and uplifting analgesic to that pain. “Pretty Boy” and “777” mark the more upbeat section of the record, filled with Joji’s accounts of living far too fast. The tracks of this record all bleed into each other seamlessly, mixing pain and confidence in an emotional rollercoaster.

Amine, Limbo

My journey to being an Amine fan started with “Caroline,” ended with “Heebiejeebies,” and started back up again when he found depth in “ONEPOINTFIVE.” His 2020 release is exactly why I came around to his music yet again. The record is soulful and fun, with the flute and cocky lyrics in “Woodlawn” and the funky beat and Young Thug feature of “Compensating.” The two songs I absolutely can’t stop listening to however, are “Can’t Decide” and “Becky.” “Can’t Decide” highlights Amine’s singing voice and dips away from rap and trap into the more traditional R&B realm. “Becky” is an intimate account of the difficulties involved with interracial dating, both in public and in the family realm. The two sides of the album, one emphasizing rhythm and immaculate production, and the other lyricism and emotion, are found in these two songs. The punchy “Pressure In My Palms” (featuring slowthai and Vince Staples) and “Riri” round out the record’s light side. In “Limbo,” Amine finds the perfect balance.

Fleet Foxes, Shore

This album is a wave of calm. Robin Pecknold’s soothing voice is exactly what we needed more of this year. Pitchfork described his mission as “turning anxiety into euphoria,” and that is how this record feels. Each song is dynamic and filled with what makes Fleet Foxes so special. There is a choral quality to the vocals of “Shore,” as always, adding to the calm aura of the record. “A Long Way Past The Past” takes the listener on a what feels like a long walk filled with serious conversation. “Going-to-the-Sun Road,” a song that takes its name from the famous cliffside road through Glacier National Park, oozes sunshine in its Tame Impala-Bon Iver crossover sound. “Cradling Mother, Cradling Woman,” truly feels like being cradled in sound. Fleet Foxes has a knack for beginning songs by hitting the listener with a wall of sound, and that is so perfectly represented in this track. This is a seriously beautiful album.

Cam, The Otherside

Cam’s voice is irresistible. She showed her talent for sharing painful ballads in her breakthrough single “Burning House,” and in “The Otherside” she digs deeper. She writes this record in a period of change, and captures this change and dissonance in the nostalgia of “Redwood Tree.” She teamed up with Avicii for the title track before he passed away, and it shows. His signature building melodies and guitar breaks are clear, and they go perfectly with the range of Cam’s voice. She truly shows her range in this track and this record in general, from the highs in “The Otherside” and the lows of “Changes.” “Changes” is another standout of the album, co-written by Harry Styles. This record is a gorgeous account of outgrowing love and outgrowing people after the deep bliss that you felt with them in the past. “Till There’s Nothing Left” and “Classic” are the big love songs of the record, one that melts you and one that makes you want to dance in a field of flowers. The sisterly confessional “Diane” pulls Cam back to her country roots. She ends the record with what made her famous: a beautiful, sad ballad backed only by piano. Her unique vocals are on full display as the record concludes, and I couldn’t have asked for anything more.

Omar Apollo, Apolonio

Omar Apollo had his breakthrough in this record. His work spans languages and genres in a big way in “Apolonio.” “Kamikaze” and “Staybacik” stick to his typical R&B style, better produced than it ever has been. “Dos Uno Nueve (219)” goes a completely different direction, a Mexican corrido track featuring Yellow Room Music, honoring the Latinx musical styles that he expressed admiration for. Apollo also explores his sexuality in this album, fluidly discussing his bisexuality in “Kamikaze” and “I’m Amazing” in an exploratory manner. The whole album is generally quite exploratory, a quality that makes me even more excited for the work that is to come from Apollo.

Also worth mentioning:

Diplo, Diplo Presents Thomas Wesley: Snake Oil

Thundercat, It Is What It Is

Sylvan Esso, Free Love

Lauv, ~how i’m feeling~

Niall Horan, Heartbreak Weather

J Balvin, Colores

Kelsea Ballerini, kelsea

Dominic Fike, What Could Possibly Go Wrong

#music #2020

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jackshithere · 6 years ago

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Long interview with Paul (October 26 , 2005)

Some particular zingers:

beurgueur: do you think you'll be on stage again when you'll be 60? (like rolling stones for example...) Paul: Hopefully somebody will die first. Then we won't have to worry about that.

Synthema: Do you still feel that being in Rammstein is almost like being in a six-way marriage? Does the band still function as a tight a unit or have things drifted apart? Paul: Yeah. Paul: We're still together. Knock on wood. We've been together for 10 years and now that we've gone through our crisis, we feel better than ever. Paul: We've got money, success, beautiful women and all the rest. Paul: Things can only get worse.

luna: First "Snow White" now "Rose Red". Do the members of Rammstein have a fondness for fairytales? Paul: Who doesn't?

MafiUndomiel: how did you and Richard decided who was going to be lead and who rythm guitars? Paul: Good question. Paul: We're both stubborn. Paul: It's a fight every time but we're still doing alright up to now. Paul: Actually, the winner is supposed to be the one who plays the best solo.

source

Full interview under the cut

atomrt: how do you chose the sounds for each song because all of them fit perfectly?

Paul: Thanks a lot! Sometimes that works out well, sometimes not so well.

maria: Your album covers have always sparked a lot of controversy. Which cover is your favourite and why? Paul: The cover for Sehnsucht was the most dramatic in my opinion.

Benzramm: What was coming out of the fake penis during the live act "Bück Dich"? Paul: That was water with Ouzo to make it milky.

Beurgueur: Good evening, Have you ever thought to write a metal-opera based on rammstein’ story? Paul: Hopefully not. We have enough theater elements already.

MafiUndomiel: I was at River Plate Stadium in Argentina, 1999, when you toured with KISS. You did almost surpassed KISS music and show with your impact, and many people was really impressed. I still remember the silence during Du Hast, as Till was singing the refrain. What do you remember of Argentina, of this show? Paul: Yeah, that was unbelievable. It's a shame that we can't play in South America this time. Flake was seriously ill.

MafiUndomiel: Did Till write Te Quiero Puta on his own, or had some kind of external help? I know it's not very complicated, nor elaborated in the lyrics, but it's not easy to put two or three sentences together if you don't know the language... believe me! I'm still trying with German! Paul: He had some help from his girlfriend and from Flake's friend from Chile. Paul: But Till can already speak Spanish so well that he only had a few questions about grammar.

monkeyman: What type of gear do you use when recording in the studio? Paul: This would take two hours to list. Too much for now. Sorry.

Hugo: Why did you choose almost the same cover for the japanese version of Reise, Reise and Rosenrot? Paul: Because we thought it would be a shame to use the cover only for the Japanese edition.

MafiUndomiel: There are many bands that edited DVD and VHS with the footage they got when they recorded their albums, the creative process and all that stuff. Since many R+ fans are really interested in knowing "Rammstein's kitchen", have you considered releasing something of that kind? Paul: I filmed some of the footage during Reise, Reise and it will come out sometime on a DVD as bonus material.

blastedop: What happened to Live DVD? It was delayed? Paul: Yeah a little bit, but we're going to try to do it this year.

MafiUndomiel: I wanted to know how did you put your setlists together when you go to a country you've never been... you mix old and new material, or you prefer to show your new material above all, and play only the "classics"? Paul: We play a mix of both old and new.

Jenna: As you are possibly the most successful band from Germany (singing in German) that you are expected to represent German music and culture to the rest of the world? Paul: It was never our plan to play all over the world. Paul: Sometimes we wonder ourselves how this all happened.

beurgueur: what american film director would you enjoy to make a ckip with Paul: Tarantino.

Benzramm: Did you ever get hurt when you were working with fire on the live acts ? Paul: Sometimes.

aeon: One Rammstein member said you had a movie project with Werner Herzog. Do you think this project will be carried out and would you like to act in something different from Rammstein videos ? Paul: It's been awhile with WErner herzog. Maybe it will work out, there's still a plan to do it.

Rammsteinizied: Dear Paul: What is your favorite live performance effect? (like the flamethrowes in Feuer frei or the bow in DRSG)

Paul: The nose flame throwers that we use in Feuer frei!

MafiUndomiel: Which was your first guitar? Do you still own it? Paul: It was a Telecaster copy. A cheap one. I gave away my first guitars at an auction for a good cause. No idea whether it worked out.

Straya: This has been in my mind for a while now, and I must ask. From the sample songs on the official site, it seems Rosenrot might be your 'hardest/loudest' albums, the songs seem 'hard', in a way, like Ich Will, Feuer Frei, and Mein Teil; what do you think of this? Paul: I don't think so. There are fewer sequences so the guitars come out better.

Jenna: Do you think your videos help to stop you taking yourselves too seriously? Paul: We've always taken ourselves less seriously than many people think. our best friends know this. Paul: At the moment, we don't feel like making any humouress videos.

whiskeypapa: When writing a song, how many/what kinds of revisions does the song go through before finally making it onto an album? Paul: Some songs make it out directly as we conceived them. With other songs, we make 20 versions and they still don't make it.

Noora: HI! I'm a fashion and design student from Finland and I was wondering about your stage costumes...How much do you participate in the designing and making of the outfits that you use on your tours? I understand that every album has its own look. Do you first design the outline of the look as a band and hen consult a designer and maker? Thanx and welcome back to Finland! :) Paul: Most ideas come directly from the band. For the last outfit, we had the idea to combine Bavarian folkloric outfits with industrial. Paul: Because Bavarian folklore is not very cool and we like to mix things that you're not supposed to.

Beurgueur: Have you ever thought in what your life would be now if rammstein never was created? Paul: No. We don't think that way.

minx: It’s been stated in several interviews that the band has two pyromaniacs in the group, but is there anyone who is not so fond of fire? Paul: Everybody in the band has a different specialty. Paul: Each of us is really equally important. Paul: It doesn'T matter what each does, it could be better when two are on vacation during preparation and actually help us to make a good video this way.

Badeend: Who thinks of the titles of the cd's? Is it some kind of democraty or is it 1 man that decides? Paul: We make the decision as a group but it's not really a democracy. More like a board of directors.

Biz: How have older industrial bands (such as Laibach or KMFDM) influenced you? Paul: A lot. Paul: Also Ministry.

minx: What is the oily black/brown liquid that you are all covered with on stage? Is it a fire retardant liquid? Paul: No. Paul: That's a secret.

minx: Why did you wear a paper bag over your head at the concert in Tallin, last November? Paul: I wanted to display an Iraqi prisoner. Paul: There's a photo of a guy behind barbed wire and he's holding his son but he has a bag on his head. Paul: That photo really had an impact on me.

aeon: Why do you only do signing sessions in London and Paris? Why not in other big cities f Europe or even Germany? Or is anything planned? Paul: Actually we've only planned for Paris. London snuck in at the last minute. Paul: I don't know any more signing sessions details right now.

Badeend: Did you take gitar lessons or did you teach it on your self? Paul: Self-taught.

minx: I am going to be at the signing in London on Sunday. Do you enjoy doing those types of promotional events or are they just ‘hard work’? Paul: Sometimes it's a lot of fun but other times it can be exhausting.

Synthema: It could be said that the "Rosenrot" photos are quite a departure image-wise from what one would expect from the band. Was this something that was decided by the band for a particular reason, or is this the sort of decision that is out of your hands? Does your management or record label have much control over how you present yourselves, or is that left to you? Paul: We don't like to repeat ourselves. Paul: Usually the band always has the last word on these amtters. But wer'e not always interested in all of the details.

Badeend: What is the new instrument you used in the song Te Quiero Puta? Paul: Trumpet.

beurgueur: do you think you'll be on stage again when you'll be 60? (like rolling stones for example...) Paul: Hopefully somebody will die first. Then we won't have to worry about that.

minx: Do you do you all do own make-up for the shows? Paul: Yes.

OK-River: Will Rammstein play again "Bück Dich" in a concert, or it is something of the past? Paul: I wouldn't say no.

blastedop: Rosenrot is so diferent from Reise Reise. How is this possible if these songs are from Reise Reise recording season? Paul: I don't think so. Listen to the whole album.

Benzramm: Are you a sort of scared when flake is going with his boat in the public ? Paul: No. Paul: But it was always Oli last year.

whiskeypapa: Which of your songs invokes the most emotion from you? Paul: Seemann.

MsBehaviour: Greetings from Finland and good evening! My question is, you have been playing together as a band for quite a many years now, and there is a big difference in the sound of Herzeleid and the sound of Reise Reise. Does this "evolution" come naturally to you, or do you make conscious decisions as to where to direct your sound? How do you feel about the change? Paul: There are some of us who want to stay the same. Paul: There's some of us who want to always change. Paul: These parties fight each other and the result is a new album or a black eye.

MafiUndomiel: Have you heard a cover version of Keine Lust made by a Russian guy called Miguel? What did you think about it? Paul: Not yet, unfortunately.

Badeend: Do you have a private jet or do you have to rent a plane? Paul: When the record company pays, we fly Business. When we have to pay, it'S Tourist class. Sometimes, when the connections are difficult, we rent a litlle jet.

luna: First "Snow White" now "Rose Red". Do the members of Rammstein have a fondness for fairytales? Paul: Who doesn't?

Synthema: Do you still enjoy performing live after all these years, or is it more of a chore now? Paul: If we didn't like it, we wouldn't have been around so long.

Benzramm: Is there a double meaning in the songtexts of your songs ? Paul: Yeah. But the subtleties and double-meanings get lost in translation.

Badeend: What is your favorite song or cd? Paul: Kill Bill 1.

DRS2G: Is "Hilf Mir" inspired by a Heinrich Hoffmann's tale?! Paul: Yes.

Synthema: Have you ever felt that the success of Rammstein has been a negative thing for you in your personal life? That it makes it difficult to decide who to trust and who not to? Paul: It is difficult to stay normal despite money and success. Paul: We fight this on a daily battle but we usually win.

Beurgueur: from a viewer: what guitar do you use for your c tuning, and what guitar does richard use for this? Paul: I play a Gibson Les Paul and Richard plays ESP guitars.

Benzramm: Did you really go to the mountains for the videoclip "Ohne Dich"? Paul: Yes. The was the funnest video of them all. Paul: The thin air up there was difficult. Paul: I'm impressed by mountain climbers who go even higher. Paul: It was difficult for our crew and us.

MafiUndomiel: how did you and richard decided who was going to be lead and who rythm guitars? Paul: Good question. Paul: We're both stubborn. Paul: It's a fight every time but we're still doing alright up to now. Paul: Actually, the winner is supposed to be the one who plays the best solo.

Badeend: Do you still have to take guitar lessons to play better? Paul: No.

blastedop: Do you visit fansites? How about a Top 10 Fansites in the official page? Paul: From time to time.

Badeend: Why did you pick just that girl for the Texas vocal in Stirb nich vor Mir? Paul: It was our producer's idea.

MafiUndomiel: Paul, is there any country that you´d like to visit or going on tour, and you haven´t yet? Why? Paul: Yes, we would love to go to Turkey, Mongolia, Iraq. We know we've got lots of fans there.

Jenna: Which current musicians (Not youselves, I'm sorry) do you think are creating the best work at the moment? Paul: System of a Down, Muse, Snoop Doggy Dog, Eminem, Slip Knot, etc.

Rammsteinizied: Dear Paul, How do you feel about us fans? Paul: It's an honour.

DRS2G: Will "Rosenrot" be the 2nd single from your new album?! Paul: Yes.

Straya: I'm wondering how this question has not come up yet... but, plenty of people are asking if you guys will tour in America and Canada. I don't mean for this to be one of those annoying questions. But, has anything be talked about? Paul: I'm certain that we'll tour North and South America with our next album.

rammsteinuk: I read in a recent interview that there were some arguments within the band during the production of 'Mutter'. Have there been any more strong disagreements like this since? Paul: Thankfully not. There's always stress when six stubborn people meet, but nothing serious.

minx: Most influential musician on yourself? Paul: Laibach, Ministry, Metallica, Nirvana.

blastedop: Did you like Benzin video? Schneider didnt. Paul: I don't think it's that bad. Paul: We've had three really good videos in a row, so it's hard to keep the standards so high. Paul: I'm glad that there's some variation, next time we'll improve.

whiskeypapa: First, Reise Reise saw a "country moment" with Los, and now Rosenrot has Te Quiero Puta. If you could make a fusion of Rammstein and any other world music (for fun), what would it be? Paul: Yes, I interested in all combinations of things that don't fit together.

Biz: Are there any downsides to being famous? Paul: We're famous but we can still buy groceries in Berlin without bodyguards. Paul: We've got nothing to complain about. Paul: Our band is famous around the world but we still have normal lives, thank God.

minty: Paul are you looking forward to the world cup next year? who will win? Paul: Yes. It doesn'T look good for Germany right now. Paul: I hope that a miracle happens.

aeon: Do you hope your music will still be appreciated in many years from now or it doesn't matter to you ? Paul: I think that we're relatively timeless. Paul: But that'S probably what every band thinks and two years later nobody cares ...

DRS2G: Was it good to be directed by Jonas Akerlund?! Paul: Yes, he's just a cool guy.

Ashr: I really liked Keine Lust video, whose was the idea that you were fat? Paul: It was Schneider's idea. Paul: Inside the suits it was really hot. Paul: Thankfully, the warehouse was really cold. Paul: The whole crew had to freeze but we sweated like pigs. Paul: The fat make-up took around 4 hours. Paul: But it was still a lot of fun. Paul: Most of all, when we had to piss. Paul: But I won't tell any more details on that.

sipp: would you ever consider to bring another musicians on stage during concerts like a trumpet player or so,I really love trumpets maybe because I'm married to that kind of musician unfurnetly he really hates you but I really love your songs and the sound Paul: Six is more than enough. Paul: If you ever see us with backing singers, bongo players and horn section, please shoot me!

Tomix: Is it real the blood of Till in Live Aus Berlin ?? Paul: Sometimes he hits his head so hard with the mic that he bleeds. Paul: Thanks a lot I'm going home now. Paul: See you in five years. Paul: Just joking, we'll be back.

#Rammstein #quote #article #Rammstein glossary #These tags are stupid #Paul Landers #interview

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saturnphasing-blog · 6 years ago

Text

Restless Compromise

Characters: Alegría Herrera, Tom Holland, Harrison Osterfield, Everett Lakey, Zendaya, Zoe Saldana

Word Count: 2,005

Warnings: Drinking Alcohol(no underage drinking), Mild language

A/N: the next part(5) is a little heavy

Part Four

"Wait a second, so he's Tom now, but I'm still Mr.?" Harrison looked at you squinting his eyes. You looked at him confused for a second, then you covered your mouth giggling. "Oh I get it," you smiled, "sorry Harrison," you grinned. "That's much better Alegría," he gave you a nod, "Tom when is everyone else getting here, I'm hungry." Tom rolled his eyes, his lips curved upward. "They'll be here when they want to be here," he mocked Harrison. "What if this is just an epic prank? What if they just set us up mate?" Harrison's eyes were wide with curiosity. "That's the worst case scenario isn't it?" you sneered at him. "Very funny, but it is very possible isn't it?" Harrison replied.

"You're an only child Alegría?" Everett questioned after taking a drink from him glass. "I'm actually not, I have an older sister," you shook your head. "Really? What's her name?" he wasn't breaking eye contact. "Yamalet," you took a bite from your Penne pasta avoiding his eyes. "She lives in Mexico," Tom made a point of ending the conversation there. Everett was sitting opposite from you, next to Zendaya and Zoe. Everyone was drinking alcoholic drinks other than you, you were drinking some sort of pomegranate sparkler, it was very good and tingled in your mouth. "Do you have a boyfriend back home?" Zoe smiled at you, she was so smooth with her questions, so genuinely interested in what everyone had to say. "I don't actually," you smiled at her, your cheeks were probably pink now. "Probably for the best," she winked in a way that said there were better things to do. "Alegría join me?" Tom stood and looked down at you. You looked at him dumbfounded, you shook yourself out of the trance he put you in and stood. "Excuse me," you smiled politely following Tom away from the table, out of the dimly lit room and into the night. You stood in silence, taking in the warm breeze coming in, his hand grazing against yours. It was comfortable, it was the most calm you had felt all day. "Alegría?" he stayed facing the street, you did the same, nervous to look at him. "Yes Tom?" you answered, your voice had a specific softness you couldn't place. "How would you feel about going to dinner with me?" he turned to face you. "Aren't we at dinner right now?" you smiled, looking at your shoes, you weren't wearing any nail polish. "I mean, dinner with me," he spoke slowly. You looked up, your cheeks were burning. "I would love to join you for dinner Tom," you looked away, embarrassed. "Do you want to ditch?" his tone was pouring with mischief. "That sounds like a promising proposition Mr. Holland," you smiled up at him, his eyes were the color of milk chocolate, you got lost in them so easily. "I'll be back in a moment Ms. Ale," he walked away, you swore you saw a wink, which made you blush. You couldn't believe what was happening, you hadn't even finished your meals. "Wait," you mumbled to yourself and made your way back inside, standing slightly behind Tom admiring his frame. "Tom," you whispered and tapped his shoulder, he turned and cocked his head. "I need to," you took your card out, "pay." There was some conversation going on behind him, he smiled down at you putting your card back into your wallet. "Another day," he said softly and turned to the group. "We'll be on our way now, I have to get Alegría back home," he waved at Harrison. "Alegría, what's wrong?" Everett began to stand. "I'm just not feeling great, thank you all for such an amazing evening, enjoy the rest of your dinner," you waved at them and Everett sat back down. You followed Tom back outside and the man outside brought his car, Tom opened the door for you and you blushed as you stepped inside, biting your bottom lip nervously. You put your purse on your lap, looking at the street and how beautiful it looked in the light of signs and street lights. "I think we fooled them," Tom said as he got inside and began driving. "I think we did," you smiled, you felt at ease with Tom, it was the strangest sensation. The radio was playing, but it wasn't your top priority at the moment, thoughts of abuse were still present in your mind, but they weren't a priority either. "Where are we going?" you turned to face Tom, sitting comfortably with your knee slightly on the car seat as well. "Did you finish your dinner?" Tom glanced at you, his side profile was absolutely flawless. "Nope," you admired him, "did you?" He shook his head, "want to grab some McDonald's?" he replied. You couldn't help but laugh, this was weirdly romantic. "Let's grab some McDonald's," you smiled and faced the front again, you felt foolish for how helpless the curve of your lips were at the hands of his charisma.

"Two of the ten piece chicken nuggets please, and two iced mochas as well," he told the man at the register. You stood right behind him, your arm around his. The hilarity of how ridiculous you must look, so out of place with a formal beige dress and heels next to someone who could only be described as prince-like ordering chicken nuggets and a sugar-filled drink. It was almost comedic how careless the whole thing was. Your fingers danced along his arm, he opened his fist and you moved your hand down to entwine your fingers in his. You pressed your cheek against the back of his shoulder, thankful you weren't one to wear foundation, bronzer, highlighter, or concealer. You closed your eyes for a moment, you could feel his pulse, and you felt his every move as he had an exchange with the man at the register. "Let's go find a table," he spoke softly and you walked besides him, your hand still in his. "This works," you patted a table and let go of his hand to help him with the tray.

"How much of this do you think I could drink before I get a brain freeze?" you shook the iced mocha in your hand. "Half," he challenged. "Good guess," you took a deep inhale and began drinking from the straw without rest. You closed your eyes, smiling as you sucked, the newfound coolness sent shivers down your spine. You had to stop from a sharp pain overcoming your head, you laughed in pain as you showed your cup. "More than half" you smiled at Tom as he shook his head smiling. "That's impressive," he admitted putting the trash together. "You're not getting off that easy," you ran your index finger on his hand. "Drink up spider boy," you moved your head side to side in challenge. "Alright Ms. Happiness" he made motions with his shoulders and moved his head as if preparing for a big fight. You took your phone out and opened Snapchat, "do it, do it, do it!" You recorded as he made faces sucking on the straw, you were giggling more than you could remember ever giggling before. He stopped before halfway, "shit," he laughed holding his head. You saved the videos to your memories, smiling devilishly. "I won," you grinned. "Fair and square," he smiled as the pain on his face resided. "Where to now?" you put your cheek on your hand, looking at him. "We could hang in my trailer?" he smiled at you. "Sounds great," you smiled and stood taking the tray and throwing everything away. You didn't want to go home, you wanted to delay being alone again for as much as you could.

In the car you sang along to fetus One Direction, giving each other solos and giggling too much to finish a single sentence. You held hands a lot of the way, occasionally taking breaks so Tom could do a turn he didn't feel particularly confident in doing with his left hand. "Hey Tom?" you rubbed your thumb on his hand. "Yes Ale?" he parked the car outside of the studio, and he looked at you. "Thank you for such an awesome evening," you smiled and looked down at his hand. "Oh darling," he leaned over to hug you, you smiled and hid your face in his neck.

"Alright your confession now," Tom laid back, propping himself up with his elbow. "Give me a good question," you giggled, you had thrown your shoes to the side and you were sitting criss cross on the floor of his trailer. He opened his mouth to reply but you cut him off "I have a crush on you," you blurted out. You were blushing, but you figured it was time he knew. "Really?" he looked at you with his mouth agape, "that's so sweet Alegría." You swallowed hard, "your turn." You bit your lip embarrassed that you had admitted that to him. "Alright, I have a crush on you too," he looked up at you. "Explains dinner," you giggled to break the tension, he laughed, throwing his arm over his stomach. You sat in silence for a few moments, probably because you were both thinking about who would ask first, you hoped he would but you also didn't want it to be cliched. "Do you want to try to be more than friends?" you finally asked, your cheeks were burning, your fingers were shaking a bit. "I would love to be more than friends," Tom smiled, "but I'll do you one better than formality. Alegría-I don't know your middle name-Herrera, be my girlfriend?" he smiled sitting up, his fingers entwined in yours. "I, Alegría Luna Herrera would love to be your girlfriend Thomas Stanley Holland," you giggled childishly. "Your name is Happiness Moon, I love that," he leaned close to you, you swallowed hard, your eyes were focused on his. Your fingers slowly crept up his arm, and his lips pressed against yours. You closed your eyes, allowing yourself this moment of true serenity. His lips were soft, and his touch was gentle. He pulled away, and you smiled at him, your cheeks were hot. You looked away from him, you were shy in his presence, but also had never felt more at home before. "Your cheeks are red," he smiled, his hand went to your cheek, his thumb rubbed it gently. You smiled and bit your bottom lip, hiding your face.

"What the hell the vulture was Liz's dad the whole time?!" you sat up in confusion. Tom was giggling, running his fingers up and down your back. "I truly didn't believe you hadn't watched this movie before," he pulled you back down next to him. You looked at him, he was just so beautiful, he truly took your breath away. "Are you tired?" Tom rubbed his thumb on your cheek, you shook your head, "alright." You kept looking at him, then you directed your attention at the screen, you curled up smiling at Peter's reaction to being asked to smile for the camera. "You looked so genuinely confused," you held Tom's hand and looked up at him. "Maybe Michael truly was the vulture and I was genuinely confused, ever thought about that?" he laughed. You laid watching the movie, you would look over at him every once in a while, he always looked so peaceful.

Towards the end of the film Tom's phone buzzed. "Harrison," Tom typed something on his screen. "Is everything okay?" you scanned his expressions. "He's asking to come over," he looked over at you, "I don't want to lie to him." You smiled, "invite the boy over, we shouldn't tell him just yet though," you hoped Tom wouldn't take it the wrong way, but he gave you an understanding nod and he typed some more on his phone. You rest your head on his chest, feeling the rise and fall of his chest, hearing his heartbeat.

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sunflowerstrays · 7 years ago

Text

your success is mine // mark tuan // pt1/3

mark tuan x reader.

words: 3.5k.

genre: fluff, hints at adult themes.

part 1 // 2 // 3

---

Blinding lights have the ability to stop one’s heart. That is what Mark said as he kissed me and wished me luck before I left him to go through another round of Stars Made, the idol producing show that has groups of potential k-pop idols standing before five harsh judges and the entire country. Ever since my last group disbanded over six months ago and any other company had failed to accept me, their excuses being that they had no plans for solo artists or girl groups anytime soon, I was forced to enter this show or go back to place I hated.

I stare forwards, my group being the only female group against three male groups in the semi-finals. The thought of being in another girl group with overly feminine concepts and constant abuse from the media makes me feel sick - but if it is what one must do to get to the top of where they need to be, it a risk I am willing to take.

“Team A,” the judges call, and the group next to us all look down, awaiting their fate. They had done a cover of BTS’s song DNA, and had replicated the complex choreography perfectly. Their main vocalist as well, an undebuted boy called Woojin, had blown me away from the sidelines. The group as a whole work so well together that they would be stupid to be knocked out. “You stay. Today you completed a complex dance and did so with great success, as well as your youngest member shocking everyone with his notes. Congratulations, please make your way to your seats.”

There is only one more space for the final group, and I have a sinking feeling in my chest as the entire country cheers live for Team A. They have been so successful all the way through, winning the top group of the episode almost every week. The other two groups have been equally as successful as each other as well; the smaller group of five boys have religiously covered soft ballads with some amazing harmonies, and the larger group a mix of girl group songs to showcase their talents as well as ballads as well. It has been impressive and neither of them have been in the bottom two before, unlike us six girls.

I feel a hand brush mine as the audience falls silent, and the blue lights flash down again. How we got this far, none of us know; all the girls are extremely talented, and have their own unique voices. We don’t work as a group well though; myself and the other rapper, Ji-soo, don’t get along particularly well after she said my two talents - dancing and rapping - were the worst in the group, and that I was going to drag the team down. As well as this, two of the girls from a previous group together as well have had a hard time trying to get through this show after they had been in similar circumstances previously. When I look down, I see Mina’s hand in mine, and her eyes are closed tight. She too is previously undebuted and wants this more than anything. Out of the whole girl group, I am closest to Mina, as like me, she is an outsider - her Thai, myself Japanese - and this has pushed us away from them.

“LUNAS - We have a special request for you all,” The head judge, Park Jinwoo asks, looking me in the eye. “As their team leader, Reina, I address you specifically. This week you performed a cover of Girls Generation Mr. Mr. Whilst this was a good song for you all vocally, I do not think it really showed your talents as a group, with much more focus on your two main singers. Am I correct in knowing that you also prepared a second dance in the event of a dance off?”

“Yes, sir,” I say, focusing on Mark in the crowd, who’s red hair glows in the dark of the audience’s lights. His six band members sit around him, all watching us intently. “NCT 127’s Limitless.”

“I want to see that performance,” Jinwoo announces, and the audience all clap in agreement. “Could the other groups please move off of stage so we can see such a performance?”

The girls all look at me for help, and I turn around, panicking. We had prepared and practised this song, but I have to cover Taeyong’s rap in the wrong pitch because my voice doesn’t travel as low as his, and the dance itself is very sharp and clean cut, which some of the girls struggled to replicate in practise. Also, our outfits for Mr. Mr. were tight fitting dresses, which definitely won’t let Mina and me jump around in the way we need to for this song as the lead dancers.

But the two other boy groups sit off stage, looking at us with big and confused eyes. I put a hand over my mike and look at the girls as they stand in front of me. The panic in their eyes sets mine running like mad.

“Just like in rehearsal,” I say, “Ji-soo, remember what key we had for the raps. Maintain that, and if they ask about it, explain why we adapted the song. Jessi and Ji-Eun, just keep up with the choreo in the chorus as well as you can. They’ll understand if you do not maintain a perfect pace. And everyone else, just do your best. I believe in you all. Mina - try not to let the dress distract you as much as it is me, as well,” I say, making her laugh despite her nervousness.

The lights flash down, and we arrange ourselves in the position. My heart thumps so hard in my chest that I’m scared I will bruise my ribs, or that the entire country can hear the beat. I adjust my mic on my dress and roll the sleeves of my dress so they won’t disturb me when dancing to keep myself busy until the music begins. Red lights start flashing, and the music begins, at least at the right pitch for us to sing. Somehow the girls all manage to start on the correct beat, and we are all so in sync with each other that I think for a second I might be living in a dream.

I begin singing Taeyong’s lines, dancing as powerfully as I can, focusing on Mark in the distance as he has become my rock through these times. Ji-soo sings Mark Lee’s lines, and as much as I can hate the girl at times, we always manage to pull it off on stage together. When the deep voiced growls of Taeyong’s comes up, I do my best to replicate it in the tone we have set for the song; in my head it goes horribly wrong, but all the judge’s have their faces drop and the audience cheers loudly. Relief washes over my body as I push the limits of my tight skirt to the test, jumping aside for Mina to dance through.

The chorus comes up, and I barely have a second to glance around to see if the girl’s are keeping up. It was always here they fell behind, but judging by the bright smiles on the judge’s faces, they are doing an amazing job. My thick blond hair flies in front of my eyes as I glance up at Mark, who is grinning so bright his smile outshines the harsh lights in front of me.

Somehow we get through the whole song with no heels breaking, skirts ripping, hair getting caught like it did in rehearsal and keeping up in time. As we finish the final dance move, our bodies are covered in sweat and my throat aches from singing in a pitch I’m not entirely used to, the whole audience jumps to their feet to cheer for us.

“Incredible,” Jinwoo says, his voice showcasing just how shocked he genuinely was by our performance. The other judges remain clapping on their feet for us, as we take each other’s hands and stand in a row in front of them. I’ve never felt so small on a stage before.

“I think we have our winners,” Eunwoo, another one of the judges, beams proudly at us. “That was incredible!”

When the audience finally calms down and we have all caught our breathes, the judges begin their comments on our new performance.

“Reina, you have the best stage presence I’ve ever personally seen on this show. Powerful and sharp and a real leader in the making. I have never seen someone carry their group so well! When you sing Taeyong’s rap as well, wow I have never heard such aggression from a female. Incredible,” Jinwoo says, and my heart swells with pride. To be told by the head judge that I have the best stage presence is the most wonderful feeling. I thank him repeatedly, brushing a hand through my curly hair and staring at the crowd, wondering how on earth we pulled that off. His words have boosted my confidence through the roof.

“Mina?” The female judge beside Jinwoo speaks up, and Mina squeaks beside me, smiling to acknowledge her. “For such a small girl, who has never debuted before and stands amongst girls who have all performed live before, I am shocked. You stood out to me, you really did. I see a strong, clear future for you in music and dance - because this is not an easy dance, and you did amazing. Congratulations.” Mina looks at me and almost bursts into tears, and I huge the small girl tightly to stop her from doing so. She thanks me repeatedly in my ear and squeezes me until I am going to burst.

“Thank you judges,” she beams, “I owe all my performance to our leader, Reina though. She was the one who kept us all going in dark times,” with this, all the girls nod and clap, even Ji-soo to my surprise. I thank them, hugging them all briefly before we return for the negative criticisms I sense coming.

“I have one question for you girls,” Eunwoo asks, his pride from earlier much flatter now. “Who decided the pitches that you sang?”

“I did, sir,” Ji-soo says suddenly, despite us both having worked together to decide. “Whilst Reina worked on the choreography, and teaching everyone the lyrics, I worked on pitches.”

I begin to say that I helped, but Ji-soo shakes her head and gives me a stare that tells me to be quiet. I’m angry at her for taking all this blame on herself, but do as she asks.

“You matched Reina’s pitch to Taeyong’s perfectly, but struggled slightly with yourself and Mark, and Ji-Eun and Johnny. Next time, remember it has to be a pitch you are comfortable in that does stretch you and still works well with the song. Well done on everything else though, Ji-soo. Again, Mark provides a very complex performance that you performed well.”

The lights swap to the blue ones, and we are joined back on stage by the two boy groups who look thoroughly deflated now. I hate to feel this way, but I have a sense of confidence that we may have just pulled the cat out of the bag and made it to the final. As the judges give us a break to explain what happens now, one of the boys from the smaller group leans over and gives us a thumbs up. I can see the disappointment in his eyes, but he does well to show his support.

“Rocket; we have loved you throughout the series. But we specified last week that we would have loved to have seen some development. We love your ballad voices, but do not want to know that is all that you are restricted to. It is such a shame as you have beautiful voices that we believed would work in many different styles, but you did not accept that challenge. Tonight, we must leave you boys here.”

Rocket are the smaller group of boys who look at each other sadly and exchange hugs, knowing that this is where they will split. They will return to their old companies, groups or wait another six months before reentering the show under a new name and new company. This is unless they are lucky and someone has seen a talent in them that will take them and their beautifully high voices to the top.

“JSD; similar as before, you showcase talent but cannot pick the song to show all of you off. In your group is a lot of members and you ought to remember that when you begin writing your music. We must also leave you here tonight, for fears that you will do this again. Thank you boys.”

Again, the boys all come together as a group, walking aside with their arms around each other and tears in their eyes. I silently wish the best to them, smiling and nodding as they walk past looking deflated. I know how bad that feeling is.

“LUNAS, we look forward to seeing you next week for two performances alongside Team A and Tried for our finals! Now that we have seen such a shocking, powerful performance, we expect nothing lesson from you girls!” The judges grin at us, and I let out a breath, pride threatening to make me explode.

The girls all scream as our mics are cut off and we hug each other tightly, beaming so brightly we are brighter than the summer sky as the end music for the show plays and we are bathed in golden light. One week.

---

“That is my baby girl!” Mark exclaims as he bursts into my changing room, where I’m still struggling to get out of the ridiculously tight dress that I still can’t believe I danced in like I did. He picks me up and swings me around, burying his face in my thick hair and kissing the top of my head. “Did I not tell you that you would show them?”

“Mark, I’m changing,” I say, indicating the microphone and cables on the floor, and my comfier clothes hanging up beside his head. He shrugs, making a slightly crude comment about it being nothing he hasn’t seen before, before I hit him across the shoulder and tell him to help me with the zip of this stupid black dress or to get out. He opts for the earlier, tugging hard and freeing my ribcage from the dress.

I take a deep breath before relaxing and rolling my neck, pushing him from the room so I can change quickly. How on earth he got down here so fast I will never know, but I can hear the rest of GOT7 bouncing down the stairs and know that my time is even more limited.

As I put on the skinny jeans and loose white shirt of Mark’s, tucking it in to my jeans because it drowns me, Mark bursts open the door to my room again and steps inside, shutting it as his bandmates voices get louder. In the very tight space, he fills up the whole room and leaves me pinned between the mirror and his chest. My skin is still sticky with the sweat from our last performance, but my heavy breathing isn’t from that.

“I’ve seen many attractive things in my life before,” Mark says, somehow locking the door behind him has he looks me up and down. “But seeing you dance like that in that dress. Wow, that was something else.”

I grab his jacket and pull him closer, kissing him hard and letting the rest of my energy out on him. He holds me against the mirror as I hook my legs around his waist, now running my hands through his red hair. The thrill of the night washes off of me as he rests his hands under my thighs, keeping me upright and his lips travel south of mine. My heart beat is as fast as it was through the performance, only this time for a completely different reason. Over a year now that it has been since Mark and myself began dating, and during that time I’ve spent more time in his bed or by his side than I have away from it. Yet somehow he manages to have the same effect on me every time.

“Mark? Reina?” We hear the boys all calling for us as they wander down the corridor, congratulating any of the other girls who have left their changing rooms already. I look down at Mark as he comes away from kissing my jaw to look up at the ceiling, a sigh of frustration escaping him.

“I hate them so much sometimes,” he mutters, burying his head in my chest and making me laugh loudly, which brings all the boys banging on my door. Mark groans loudly and kisses me one more time before letting me slide to the floor, looking very displeased with the appearance of his friends. I know exactly what he wanted as he had walked in here, and I don’t know if I am upset that I couldn’t give it to him yet, or laughing because it means he’ll have to put up with it for longer.

“Hey boys,” I beam brightly as I unlock and open the door, leaving Mark looking like an annoyed puppy in the room as I step out, barefoot still.

“It’s our girl!” The boys all hoot, Jackson and Bambam picking me up and sitting me on their shoulders before running down the corridor, cheering very loudly. The boys from Tried and Team A walk out to inspect all the noise, laughing when they see the girls from my team celebrating with the GOT7 boys as well, despite the confusion on everyone’s faces. When they finally finish their celebrations and drop me to the ground, Mark walks up with my shoes and phone, rolling his eyes at his younger band mates.

“Hey, I found Mark,” Yugyeom says, wiggling his eyebrows at his elder and winking at me. I hold a finger to my lips and make the younger boy blush, before reaching down to put my shoes on whilst the boys continue their celebration. Yugyeom is still chuckling to himself when I stand back up and take my phone, checking them time. It is past ten o’clock at night, and I know the boys have a concert tomorrow night that they really ought to be sleeping for. Besides, I’ll have an intense morning deciding the two songs for our final performance.

“We know. We’ve food waiting for you back at our dorm, Reina. But we have to hurry because Yugyeom ordered it ten minutes ago and it only takes thirty minutes for it to arrive because he ordered from a new restaurant,” Bam snorts, taking my hand and pulling me down the rest of the corridor. I shout a goodbye to all the girls, two of whom are leaving now anyway.

The car ride is fifteen minutes long, but the boys only thought to bring one car and I have to sit in Mark’s lap for the whole time and hope we aren’t stopped by the police on the way home. As I curl up, resting my head on his chest and shutting my eyes from a sudden exhaustion that has hit me, Mark brushes through my wild curls, chatting with the boys about my performance. Jaebum makes a crude comment about how excited Mark had gotten during the second performance that makes me chuckle. As a result, Mark buries his head in my hair again as the boys all laugh at him, and I just giggle with them in my sleepy state.

“You shocked the nation tonight, Rey,” Jackson says from the front seat, turning on the radio. Through the crackly Korean radio station, I make out my name being mentioned, as well as comments from the judges tonight. The lady doing the radio interviewer says how shocked she was by my performance, that she had attended the last concert I did with my old group and she had seen such a big growth in just a few months. I smile with pride, amazed with myself that I managed such a feat.

“That's my baby girl,” Mark mumbles so only I hear, and his voice sends chills down my spine. Somehow I know that despite both of us having busy days tomorrow, neither of us are going to sleep anytime soon. The deep heat in my core wakes me up, and Mark shifts me slightly just so we are both that bit more comfortable. He continues to play with my hair as we arrive home, lulling me into a blissful state that shouldn't be legal.

---

thank you for reading. this is aiming to be a three part mini series but has the potential to be longer if I feel like it ♥

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jinwoowoohoo · 7 years ago

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@cha-eunwoow and @sanhatation hit me with that x2 tag combo (💖💕💞) I was gonna put them both in this post but it.... got very long... so I will split them up after all 😅

First up is a Kpop one from lovely Liv (hey girl I hope things are going better for you!!)

To anyone who genuinely reads through all of this bless your heart and ily

1) 5 favorite groups?

f(x), ASTRO, SHINee, Day6, Dreamcatcher

2) Top 5 on your bias list? (no particular order)

Lol I just did this, so: Amber, Jinjin, Onew, S.coups, Wonpil (though if we can double from groups my girl Luna would 100% be here)

3) Ult Bias group and why you love them?

f(x) - they were my first group and will forever be my ults. I just love how unique they are both as a group and each member individually! Every member shines so much in their own way and can absolutely stand as artists in their own right (and have been proving so with their solo projects the past 2+ years), and when they come together they create things that are so cool and beautiful and unique 💜 Honest to god after I sat down and listened to their whole discography on Spotify for the first time, I listened to nothing but them 8+ hrs a day, 7 days a week for almost a month I was so in love (i'm not exaggerating you can ask my roommate aldbaj) (SM please let us have f(4) again I would literally cry). That being said I also consider ASTRO and SHINee to be ults, and could write whole paragraphs for them as well 💕

(but y’all please support my girls, Victoria put out a Chinese single and should be following with an album, Amber’s halfway through releasing videos for her mixtape & Luna is releasing 2 digital singles this coming week! Krystal has no musical projects atm but you can check out her dramas and modeling~)

4) Ult Bias and why you love them?

My kpop origin story revolves around me coming across the Electric Shock mv in 2013 and being both in love with and absolutely floored by Amber. A girl? In a girl idol group? With short hair?? Who presents in a masculine way?? I couldn’t believe it was something the companies would let happen and it was so. I don't even know. But I knew it was really meaningful and important to me. 3 years later I actually fully listen to the group (honestly thank got I needed new music to listen to at work) and I finally learned her name - Amber Liu. I'm someone who id's as nonbinary, and I've really struggled with my perceived femininity my whole life - its something I'm still working through. When I saw Amber, a person working in a very gender stereotype-heavy industry and culture, being able to present in the way she's comfortable and standing up for the rights of others to do the same, it just really touched me on a deep personal level. Even though I know she id's as cishet she still has done a lot for those of us that don't, and I'm sooo insanely proud of her for sticking to her guns and choosing to live her truth through all of the hell people have given and continue to give her for it. Not only has she stuck it to the haters by prospering, but she's taken her experiences and her talents and made them into absolutely beautiful works of art.

She uses her music to express her feelings and talk about her struggles, and the fact that her work is so personal and has so much of her in it also means a lot to me (please listen to Borders, Need to Feel Needed, Beautiful, Heights, and this cover of One More Light NOTE: if self harm is a bad topic for you, maybe skip One More Light and the Borders mv (the song is fine and ultimately uplifting, and the mv does end happily). She has worked so. damn. hard. to pursue her dreams and passions, often having to rely on just herself and her friends to work when SM just straight up refuses to do their JOB as her MANAGEMENT COMPANY, and somehow she keeps doing it with that beautiful smile.

Aside from all the gooshy stuff, she’s just really goofy and fun (and attractive >>) AND she was born just 2 months before me so I feel there’s a connection (also my parents considered naming me Amber and she considered my name as a stage name??? #starcrossedlovers). Finally she has literally the cutest dog in the world please look at this picture and cry with me

5) Favorite Kpop Meme

lmaooo now that I’ve poured my heart out over Amber, lets look at the human meme that is Lee Taemin (i just picked one but my favorite meme is just. him.)

And a special shoutout to all of the rest of the SHINee memes, like I thought about linking just one but there are so many legendary classics how do you choose (I got to experience the burnt Gucci story in person though so a super special shoutout to that one)

6) Favorite pic of your ult? (I dare you to only pick one)

I’ll do both my ults since this is my Astro blog but I’ve only talked about f(x) so far ;;;;;

For Amber, this picture has been my phone background for well over a year now so I guess this one?? It’s from the song festival when she and Ksuke debuted Breathe Again (many months before it’s official release) and she was just feeling herself so much during the performance (credit for the pic most likely goes to her fansite Ambossing)

As for Jinwoo adljasdfs I only have like 100 pics of him just on my phone this is fine I’m gonna pick this one, bc when he posted it I loved it so much I came very close to literally printing it out and framing it...... he just looks so happy!! And he’s being his most natural self, no hair/makeup, out with his family, doing something he loves. It just Warms My Heart

7) Favorite Kpop MVs

Ok this is a whole can of worms, so I’ll try to limit it to just 10 I quite like?? (in no specific order)

1) Astro - Baby 2) VIXX - Error 3) Seventeen - Lilili Yabbay 4) SHINee - Boys Meet U 5) EXID - DDD 6) KNK - Rain (performance ver) 7) Oh My Girl - Closer 8) f(x) - Electric Shock 9) Crayon Pop - FM 10) Taemin - Saynoara Hitori (I know it was a Japanese release but ssssh I’m counting it WAIT HECK i just realized Boys Meet U was a Japanese release too asdlfjasf welp)

Also shoutout to this cover Dreamcatcher did of Maroon 5′s Lucky Strike

9) Favorite Kpop crack video?

I don’t have a single specific one, there are so many quality compilations (I have watched a surprising number of Seventeen as Vines videos though lmao)

10) Favorite content creator(s) within the fandom?

All Aroha are super talented ok, If I listed everyone that came to mind we’d be here for longer than anyone needs to be....

11) What fandoms would you say you’re an active member of?

the only fandom I’m fully in that’s been active in Korea the past year is Astro :’) But that’s well enough, I really do love this community!

12) Take your top 3 biases- fmk

omg no why

F-Jinjin asldfjasdf

M-Amber

K- Onew..... no this is wrong :< I’m changing the k from kill to kiss ok? ok.

13) If you could be best friends with any idol, who would you choose?

Honestly probably Luna - she is one of the single most uplifting people in the world and she’s always ready for a good time! Queen of self love!

14) If you could date any idol, who?

I would never want to date an idol unless they were no longer/never an idol - trying to date around the antis and media would just be way too stressful on its own, plus the idol would be so busy all the time you’d barely get to see each other anyway

15) What’s one Kpop album you think everyone should have listened to?

SHINee - Married to the Music

16) Are you a soft or a hard stan?

yes (depends on the idol)

17) An idol that makes you go into soft mode?

Yoon Sanha, my soft noodle, my potato son

18) An idol that makes you want to smash the empire state building with one single punch?

@ Park Jaehyung meet me behind the Taco Bell at midnight

19) Favorite vocalist?

MJ/Luna/Onew

20) Favorite Rapper?

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately and I’m honestly not sure??? Some contenders are Rocky and LE though

21) Favorite dancer?

sdflajsfadsf why must you hurt me in this way I’ll say Taemin because he really puts a lot of thought and self into his dance, and he’s actively trying to create change in the way the industry thinks about gender and dance

22) Things you have in common with your ult?

I think I pretty much touched on all that with Amber, so for Jinjin we both love dogs and like the drums, we can be quick to smile, we try to lead in an understanding/accommodating way rather than a total authoritarian way, we do That Face™ when someone is pushing our buttons lol

23) The most beautiful trait any idol can have?

Kindness and an open mind

24) Songs that will always make you jam along?

how....long do you want to be here adsflj I will say the song that gets me jamming the MOST at work is N.Flying - Hot Potato

25) Your worst wrecker?

I’m here today to talk to you about a dangerously beautiful man named Kim Myungjun

26) Any kpop concerts you’ve been to?

I saw SHINee in Dallas with my bff in 2017, then I went to Astro in DC all by my lonesome this past February! (so I just need to see f(x) and I’ll have gone to all 3 ult groups) Also fun fact my good friend @jinjins-freckles was also at those two concerts, but we didn’t know each other yet for the SHINee one - funny how things work out~

27) Favorite choreo?

THIS. THIS IS THE HARDEST QUESTION. I CAN’T. IMPOSSIBLE. I’m not even gonna try and list some.... theres.... too many;;;;

28) Favorite live performance?

ok look first of all, you come into MY house, and ask me to pick ONE performance adslfj I’ll say SHINee’s Woof Woof bc I was absolutely obsessed with it after I discovered it, its just so fun and goofy but also bops hard as heck??? Legends Only

29) Favorite debut mv?

Hide & Seek cleared my skin watered my crops and gave me a lil smooch on the forehead

30) Recommend a rookie group

Dreamcatcher!!! They’re having a comeback in May please support our goth goddesses

31.) A kpop song you could listen to every day for the rest of your life?

Astro - Puss n Boots

32) Tag some cute mutuals you’d like to get to know better (and to do this challenge)!

Since she’s tagged me a few times lately I’ll tag @myunghjun (and that’s it asdlj if you read all the way to the end consider yourself tagged too ok ily)

#tag game #this took me so long aslfj i'm actually tired now #click if you want to see my love letter to amber

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girls-scenarios · 7 years ago

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With You, My Future

Idol: Krystal (f(x))

Prompt: Scenario // f(x)'s Krystal x Fem!Reader // Idol & Soulmate AU // Angst & Fluffy ending tho // Heterochromia - you have one eye of your soulmates eye colour and when you meet you get your own eye colour instead of having two different eye colours.

Writer: Admin Kiwi

A/N: This is LONG. I never expected it to get so long, I swear, but words kept on coming out. I just couldn’t think of a good title. I guess my creative skills end there. I hope this is what you wanted. I also hope that everyone enjoys!

Krystal had always known she was broken. She’d known since the day a kid in her 2nd grade class told her that her eyes were weird and she’d looked into the mirror, finally noticing that she was the only kid she knew with eyes like hers. Eyes that were both the same color. That was the same year that they learned about soulmates. The teacher had explained that everyone had their soulmates eye color in one eye, and the other students had looked back at her and whispered behind their little hands as she tried to cover her face with her arms.

“Listen, Krystal. There’s nothing wrong with being different,” her mother had told her, running her thin fingers through Krystals hair as she cried into her pillow. But Krystal knew she didn’t mean it. She’d noticed the worried looks her parents threw her way whenever the soulmate issue came up. That fact just made her cry harder, and the next day, she asked if she could move schools and buy contacts. Her parents said yes.

14 years later, Krystal had long stopped wearing the contacts. She’d gotten used to the looks she got from other people, used to the way her employer had looked at her relationship status and then back up to her eyes. Used to the way that she was treated like a mystery. Used to the way the press always wanted to make a big deal out of it. People couldn’t tell if she was taken or not, and being an idol, being taken was a big subject. She was always ignored at clubs and parties by people she didn’t know. People who were looking for their soulmate.

It was the same drill as always. Krystal had agreed to go with her friends to a house party, because it was the end of their promotions and they’d made it. She was leaned up against the wall with a red solo cup in her hand, absentmindedly swirling her drink as she watched her sister Jessica flirt with the girl who was refilling the alcohol. Amber and Luna had disappeared off somewhere as soon as they’d arrived, and Victoria was busy making sure one of the girls she knew didn’t throw up on the new carpet.

“Why do you keep coming t’ parties if you’ve already found your soulmate?” Her eyebrows shot up and she turned her head to see a younger guy squinting at her, swaying slightly on his feet.

“Excuse me?” He rolled his eyes, and she took a swig of her drink, feeling like she was going to need it.

“You’ve got a soulmate, doesn’t that mean you shouldn’t come t’ parties like this? Where is he?” She let out a sigh and shook her head.

“I don’t have a soulmate, buddy.” He stopped swaying for a second as he processed what she said. Then he leaned closer, alcohol so strong on his breath that Krystal had to hold her breath.

“What’cha saying? Your eyes are th’ same color.” He squinted even more than she’d thought would be possible. “Are you messed up or somethin’?” Even though she’d heard the words many times, they still stung. She swallowed the angry retort that rose up in her throat, but before she could come up with a nice way of telling him to fuck off, Amber was standing in front of her.

“Hey, what the fuck, dude,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at him. “Mind your damn business. Don’t ask people shit like that.” He wobbled backwards, and another guy, looking extremely embarrassed, grabbed him by the shoulders.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. He doesn’t have any kind of filter when he’s drunk. I’ll take him away.” Amber gave the drunk guy one last glare before turning her gaze to the man behind him. Krystal recognized him, he’d been over to Amber’s at some point to play basketball.

“It’s okay, Chanyeol. Just. Get him away before I punch him.” Chanyeol sent an apologetic look at Krystal as he shoved the other man, who had started staring at his cup, away.

“I’ll make sure he apologizes, I swear. I’m so sorry.” She waved her hand and shook her head, shrugging her thin shoulders.

“Don’t worry about it, man. Happens all the time.” She took another swing of her drink as Chanyeol apologized yet again before disappearing with the other man in the crowd. Amber knocked her shoulder with her fist.

“You should really stop being so nice about it. Those kind of questions are just plain rude. It’s none of their business.” Krystal looked down at the remaining alcohol in her cup. She really didn’t know what she was even drinking.

“I’m just used to it at this point. People don’t always have bad intentions, they’re just confused. Most people have never met anyone like me.” Amber stomped her foot slightly and pulled Krystal away from the wall.

“Still. It pisses me off. Come on, I need a drink, and you’re coming with me.” Krystal whined as Amber grabbed her hand and pulled her away.

“But it’s a flirt fest over there,” she said, looking at her sister, who was now standing beside the girl instead of across the bar from her. Amber didn’t seem to care, walking right up to the counter and grabbing herself a cup. Within seconds, she’d downed the alcohol and was wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, sighing happily. Jessica laughed when she threw the cup at the trashcan and missed, and Luna appeared behind them, eyebrows furrowed.

“Amber, remember what happened last time you kept drinking like that?” Amber shrugged her shoulders and grabbed another cup, leaning into Luna’s side as Luna wrapped an arm around her to steady her.

“I don’t care. We’re here to have fun and it was spoiled by Chanyeol’s dumbass friend being rude to Krystal.” Immediately, Luna’s face changed.

“Where’s the little shit at, I’ll beat him with my high heel.” Krystal laughed awkwardly and grabbed a cup for herself, downing it like Amber had and coughing as she threw it towards the trashcan. It went in, and Jessica and the girl beside her cheered.

“It’s fine, really. Chanyeol took him away, I’m okay.” Luna looked over at her with soft eyes.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive,” Krystal replied. “Now can we please move on from this and enjoy the night?” She looked over Luna’s shoulder at Victoria, who was holding back someone’s hair as they puked into pink trashcan. She was pretty sure the girls name was Sunny, and that she’d met her at the last party in a situation exactly like this. “On second thought, I’m gonna go ahead and just go back to our dorm.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Jessica said, leaning forward over the counter. Krystal nodded.

“I swear, guys. I’m just a little drained right now.” She smiled. “I’ll see you all tonight. Oh, and Jessica?” She turned back to look at her sister. “Good luck.” Her sister’s face bloomed into a red color and Krystal laughed as she walked away, pushing her way through people to get to the door. As she was slipping on her previously discarded shoes by the door, Sulli appeared by the door, smiling widely.

“Let me walk you back. You’re drunk.” Krystal snorted and looked up at her.

“And I can never tell if you’re drunk or not.” Sulli laughed, and reached down her hands to help her up.

“I only had one drink tonight, I’m pretty much sober.” Krystal let her help her up and Sulli looped their arms together as she pulled open the door.

“I guess I’ll let you walk me home, then,” Krystal said. Throwing one last look over her shoulder, Krystal stepped outside and let the door slam behind her. Sulli leaned her head against her shoulder as they began the short walk to the elevators. Their dorm was only a few floors above.

“I know you’re sure that you’re okay, but I’m going to give you some ice cream that I’ve been hiding in my mini freezer anyway, okay?” Krystal chuckled and let her head fall on top of Sulli’s.

“Thanks.”

When Krystal woke up the next morning, the calendar beside her bed was glaring at her. Christmas was right around the corner. She typically didn’t like going out during the holiday season all that much. People assumed she had a soulmate and it made her a target whenever she went out alone. When Amber had proposed the idea of them going shopping together a few days earlier, Krystal had scoffed.

“Two people with matching eyes? We’re basically asking to get attacked.” Amber rolled her eyes.

“Well I can’t go with Luna, I’m buying a present for her. And it would have the same effect.”

“You could bring Sulli or Victoria. Or literally any of your guy friends, since they’re all hopeless.” Amber scoffed.

“I’ll have you know that Kibum just found his soulmate. It’s a guy named Minho, and he’s very sweet.”

“One down, how many more to go?” With a sigh, Amber leaned back on her bed.

“Listen, I’ll ask other people to go with us too. If we go in a big group, I can bring Luna and you guys can distract her while I get a gift. Just come out with us.”

“Why? The only people I need to buy presents for are you guys, and you’ll all be there.”

“Because it’s Christmas, Krystal. And Christmas is a time when friends hang out together.”

“We hang out all the time anyway,” Krystal pointed out. Amber stood from her bed and crossed her arms.

“Oh come on, Krystal. Just come. Please?” Amber gave her some of her best puppy dog eyes, and Krystal caved.

That was how she ended up standing here at the entrance to the mall, glaring down at the phone clutched in her freezing fingers and trying to psych herself up enough to step inside and make the trip alone to the food court where everyone would be waiting. Just the thought of it made her shiver.

“Krystal, hey Krystal!” She turned around to see a familiar face heading towards her. And behind him, an unfamiliar face.

“Kibum. Man, am I glad to see you.” He grinned as he walked up to her, opening his arms for a hug that she gladly accepted. When she pulled away, she locked eyes with the other man and he waved.

“Krystal, this is Minho. My soulmate.” She smiled and stuck out her hand, and he shook it.

“Nice to meet you. I really never thought Kibum would meet his match. You truly are a brave man.” Kibum let out an embarrassed whine and hit her lightly on the shoulder, making her laugh.

“We haven’t seen each other in weeks and this is the welcome back you give me?” He huffed and grabbed his soulmates hand. “I guess we’ll just let you walk through the mall alone then.”

“No, no, I’m sorry, Kibum.” He laughed and nudged her shoulder, and Minho, although he probably didn’t really understand, laughed as well.

“Like I’d ever actually do that. Come on, let’s go find the others.”

The others were standing in front of the pizza parlor, Sulli with her face pressed against the glass looking in, drooling a bit. Amber waved her hands wildly when she spotted them, and Luna tried to hide her face with a hand over her eyes. Victoria laughed, and tried again to pull Sulli away from the window. Chanyeol stood behind them, standing out with his tall and gangly frame. Beside him stood a tiny man that Krystal remembered as Kyungsoo, and the quiet guy named Mark was leaning against the window beside Sulli, looking at him phone.

“I thought you guys would never get here. We’ve been waiting for ages,” Amber said, putting her hands on her hips.

“More like minutes,” Luna added.

“And we’re hungry,” Sulli said from where Victoria had finally managed to detach her from the restaurant window. Victoria shook her head.

“You’re the only hungry one, Sulli. How many times do I have to tell you to eat your breakfast before you go somewhere?” As Victoria spoke, Krystal looked around at the group.

“Wow, you really got everyone that you could.” Amber grinned.

“And Jackson’s not even here yet. Maybe this way we’ll intimidate the kiosk people,” Amber said. Luna rolled her eyes, but said nothing, wrapping her arm affectionately through Amber’s.

“So are we not ready to go yet?” Chanyeol asked from behind Amber. When his eyes met Krystal’s, he smiled sheepishly, but she gave him a smile to know that there were no hard feelings.

“Not yet,” Mark said as he moved away from the window. “Although Jackson’s inside the mall, so he should be here any second.”

“Knowing him, he’ll probably get lost or get into some kind of trouble,” said Kibum. Then he pulled Minho forward and smiled proudly. “Everyone, meet my soulmate.” With a laugh, everyone cheered.

“So you’re in third place,” Chanyeol teased. “Amber and Luna are first, and Kyungsoo and I are second.” Since when had Chanyeol had a soulmate? Krystal looked over the tiny man beside him and her eyebrows went up in wonder. Who would have thought?

“Jackson got distracted by a toy store. We might as well head that way and meet him there,” Mark said, shoving his phone into his pocket. Amber threw her free arm up in the air and whooped.

“Let’s go, everyone! Operation Christmas Friendship is in session.” Sulli looked at Victoria in confusion.

“Since when are we on an operation?” Victoria shrugged.

“It’s Amber, we might as well just go along with it.” Krystal ended up falling in line beside Victoria as Sulli ran ahead to talk to Mark. The mall was packed with people everywhere she looked, and she felt a little bit more comfortable standing beside her longtime friend.

“How long do you think it’ll take us to all get split up somehow?” She asked her, keeping her eyes on Amber’s newly dyed blonde hair. Victoria looked down at her watch.

“I’m going to bet on 30 minutes, tops.”

“I’m saying more 20 minutes. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo look restless, and Kibum and his soulmate are giving each other heart eyes.” Kibum, from behind Krystal, shoved her shoulder a bit, making her laugh.

“Why are you being mean to me today, Krystal?” He whined, pouting.

“Because I love you a lot and I’m happy for you, Kibum.” He rolled his eyes, but seemed to accept her answer.

“Whatever. Walk faster or we’re going to lose everyone else.”

20 minutes later, Krystal had grown bored of dodging the press and listening to Amber babble about something with Mark, and had wandered into a little store with cute clothing and things with cats on them. Victoria had told her where the group was going next, so she wasn’t that worried about catching back up with them. She also wasn’t worried about press or kiosk owners, because it was just something small, with no advertisements directed at soulmates. As she wandered around the store, smiling at the wallets and purses with cats embroidered on the front, someone at the checkout desk caught her eye.

You stood behind the desk looking down at what was probably your phone, hair falling down over your eyes. You seemed just as bored as Krystal felt, and Krystal understood why. The small store looked like it didn’t get too busy, even with the rush of customers milling around outside. You were wearing a sweater that was a bit too big, and the sleeves hit your mid palms, and she felt warm just looking at you. Subconsciously, she looked into one of the little jewelry mirrors to make sure that she looked okay, even though she knew that her stylist would never let her go out looking anything less than perfect.

You glanced up at her when she walked near the desk, and your eyes made contact. Immediately, you put down your phone and smiled.

“Hello, can I help you with anything?” Krystal shrugged her shoulders, looking around and trying to be nonchalant. It was weird, being flustered over someone. She wasn’t one to get flustered.

“Oh, not really. I’m just looking around. Some of my friends dragged me here and I can’t leave until they do.” You looked at her as she got closer, and your eyes widened in recognition.

“Oh, you’re...” Krystal put a finger to her lips and winked.

“Let’s not let the press figure out I’m here, yes? It’ll be our own little secret.” You nodded, still looking a bit shocked, and Krystal began to play with one of the cat plushies near the register.

“Um, but why are you here? If you don’t mind me asking, I mean.” Krystal let out a quiet laugh as she looked down at the cute cat face in her hands.

“I needed a break. It’s nice and quiet in here, and the press followed all my loud friends instead of hounding me. And there aren’t any soulmate kiosk workers in here.” You leaned your elbows against the counter.

“Soulmate kiosk... Are you taken?” Krystal shook her head quickly, squeezing the plushie in her hand a bit tighter.

“Nope. Just born this way, with two of the same color eyes.” The calculator that had been sitting on the counter by your elbow clattered to the floor as you stood up straight, eyes wide.

“What?” Krystal jerked her head up, surprised by your reaction.

“I’m sorry?”

“You too?” Krystal stared at you, mouth slightly open.

“You mean you were born like this too?” She asked, and took a closer look at your eyes. It was true. They were like hers, both a dark brown.

“I didn’t think there was anyone else,” you said, hands fisting around the ends of your sweater. Krystal dropped the cat back into the tray it had been in.

“Me neither. I didn’t know. I was told it was a once in a million thing.” You slowly brought a hand up to your eyes, touching the slight bags underneath them and staring into Krystal’s. Her throat suddenly felt a bit too small.

“Could this mean...?” Before you could finish your sentence, Amber burst into the store, calling Krystal’s name. The two of you jumped, and Amber’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion when she saw the look on Krystal’s face. Still, she grabbed her wrist.

“Come on, Krystal. We have to go. The press has pretty much stormed the area, and our manager called. He’s pissed at us for going out without security,” Amber said, tugging Krystal away.

“But- Wait, Amber. I mean, we have Chanyeol and Mark.”

“Not enough. We gotta go now.” You stood silent, shell-shocked, and Krystal looked over her shoulder as Amber dragged her away. She really, really didn’t want this to be the end of it, but all she could manage to do was raise a hand and wave in goodbye. After a second, you waved back.

It didn’t hit her what had happened until she was being escorted into a car by her manager and Amber. Then it hit her so hard that her knees buckled as she climbed in the van and she ended up on the floor. Amber grabbed her by her shoulders to keep her from face-planting into the floor and stared, worried. Already in their seats, Victoria and Luna were leaning forward, asking her if she was okay.

“Oh my god, Amber. Oh my god,” she gasped. Amber tried to pull her into her seat, eyes wide.

“Oh my god what, Krystal? You’re not making any sense.”

“Oh my god. Amber, I think that was my soulmate. You just dragged me away from my soulmate. Oh my god, what if I never see her again.” Sulli was suddenly sitting beside Krystal, leaning in close. Krystal hadn’t even noticed her getting in the car.

“You met your soulmate?” She asked, and Krystal put her head in her hands, covering her eyes, letting out a pained groan.

“I don’t know. I think so. She- she had the same eyes as me. They were the same, but she said that she was born like that. Like me.” Luna shot a look at Victoria.

“You really think...?” Victoria kept her eyes on Krystal, gaze sharp.

“Maybe. Actually, probably,” she said. Amber slumped into the only seat left and clutched at her hair.

“Had I known, I wouldn’t have pulled you away like that. I’m so sorry.” Krystal whimpered and Sulli rubbed her back, while Victoria reached up to pat Amber’s shoulder.

“Don’t feel bad, Amber. There’s no way you could have known. Plus, if they’re soulmates, they’ll find each other again. Right?” Krystal couldn’t listen anymore and closed her eyes tight, trying not to think about her absolute bad luck keeping the only hope of normalcy away from her.

It was a whole week later when it finally happened. All week, Krystal had been nervous and restless, always tapping her feet and biting at her lip so much that she’d torn it and her stylist had reprimanded her. Amber had been apologetic the entire time as well, but Krystal had stopped being angry at her seconds after it happened. Now she was just scared.

“What happens if I never see her again?”

“You can always go back to the mall with a body guard,” Luna said as she fixed her bangs in the mirror. Victoria nodded in agreement, making her stylist wrinkle her nose and tell her to sit still once again.

“At least you know where she works. You can go back and visit her. And I’m sure she knows who you are,” Victoria said. Krystal sighed and looked down at her newly painted nails. She just wanted to pick at the polish, but she knew they had to stay intact until at least the end of the fanmeet. Amber noticed her fingers itching to pick and reached over, holding her hands in her own.

“The soulmate thing isn’t just going to leave you in a lurch. The fact that you’re feeling restless right now is proof that you’re soulmates. When Luna and I first met, I felt anxious just leaving her for a second. Then we noticed that our eyes matched, and when that happened, our eyes went to our normal color and I stopped feeling anxious.”

“I’m not going to have any proof, though. Our eyes... they’re the same.” Amber sighed and pulled Krystal closer.

“It’s not as much about the color of your eyes, but how it feels inside. I swear, Krystal. You’ll just know.” Sulli, who sat on the other couch, reading a magazine, nodded along to Amber’s words.

“Well,” she said, flipping the thin page. “I don’t know what it’s like to have a soulmate yet, but I figure the whole thing will work itself out. I mean, people with soulmates in different countries have met, why should yours be any different.” Krystal smiled weakly at her bandmates.

“Thanks, guys. I feel better.” Sulli kept nodding her head, and Luna smiled at Krystal widely.

“Don’t worry. You’ve got this, tiger.”

“Girls,” their manager interrupted, “it’s time to get ready to go onstage. Is everyone ready?” The stylist let the last curl fall into place on Victoria’s head, and then they all stood, shuffling towards the door and adjusting their outfits to make sure they fit right. As their manager opened the door, and they heard the sounds of their fans calling their names, Krystal felt her chest squeeze ever tighter in her chest. And then she stepped onstage, plastered on a smile, and waved.

Fansigns were easy. Krystal loved connecting with the fans, and she’d long memorized the words to say and how to quickly put her signature on whatever they wanted her to sign while happily accepting their gifts. So there was no reason she should feel uneasy, but she did. Her stomach felt tight, and even after the first line of people, it wasn’t getting any better. In fact, it was only getting worse. Just as she was about to ask her manager if she could step offstage to regroup herself, a familiar face stepped in front of her, and the pain vanished.

“Hello again,” you said, giving her a shy smile. Krystal’s mouth fell open and stayed that way for a good two seconds before she could process that you were real and standing in front of her.

“H-hello. Where did we leave off last time we saw each other?” Her throat was dry, but she couldn’t swallow, and her heart was trying to climb out of her chest. You looked around at the other people around you and lowered your voice.

“I think we were saying that we might be soulmates.” Immediately, Krystal’s heart melted. The room stopped doing cartwheels and everything that she’d been so worried about earlier disappeared, leaving her feeling warm and giddy. She couldn’t help the smile that spread over her face.

“Well, I sure hope so.” You slid a piece of paper over to her with your number on it, and with it, the plushie cat she’d been looking at, and smiled.

“Text me, soulmate?”

“Of course. I can’t wait.” The line had to move again. You lifted your hand and waved, and Krystal waved back, watching as you walked down off the stage until the next person in line cleared their throat and she was back. Back to their normal fansign. But now the pain was gone, and she felt completely and utterly at ease. She smiled easily, and signed the next album.

After the signing was over and they were behind a closed door, Krystal immediately pulled out her phone and the little piece of paper from you that she’d slipped into her pocket when no one was looking. Quickly, she typed in your number, then a message, and hit send.

Hey, this is Krystal. Your soulmate.

Seconds later, a reply.

Hello soulmate, this is (Y/N). I can’t wait to love you.

#f(x)#krystal #krystal jung #jung soojung #krystal scenarios #f(x) scenarios #f(x) krystal #f(x) krystal scenario #kpop scenario #girl group scenarios #girl groups #t:soulmateau

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smolfangirl · 8 years ago

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Lost Then Found

Chapter 6: Love me or leave me

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5

So, this is it, the end. The final chapter of LTF. I spent a lof of time on it, making sure it is perfect and something I am incredibly proud of and in the way it somehow ended up being 6.3k words long. (Whoops.) I want to thank @sky-girls for being always there for me and for helping me more times than I could possibly remember. This chapter is for you, muffin! (Also I hope you will still talk to me after the ending)

“Solo espero no sea tarde para seguir al corazón.”

“Simón, hurry up, I need to talk to you!”

Luna banged against the door. Her knuckles were turning white, but she didn’t care. Open, open, open, please, I need you. She repeated it like a mantra, whispered those words to herself until the fire in her lungs slowly burned out. The mantra kept her from crying. From shattering and losing it. She had been too close to the edge for more than two hours now. Since Matteo left her alone on the rink, a million thoughts raced through her head. Open questions. Explanations for what had happened right there. Scenarios of a future she didn’t want. So many feelings as well. Too many. It was a mess, she was a mess. In no way could she bear this on her own any longer. Open, please.

Finally, her best friend showed up behind the door. He wore his favorite beanie on his hair and a grin on his lips: “Luna, hey! What a surprise!”

“Are you alone?” To her own surprise, her voice sounded much stronger than she felt. “Yeah”, Simón answered, “Pedro’s out with Delfi and Nico went to town. Hopefully to get a new haircut.” He got suspicious when Luna didn’t even raise an eyebrow at his joke. “Are you alright?”

She shook her head. Her feet lead her to the couch where she fell face down into the cushions. Simón watched her speechless. “I think I screwed up”, she bawled after a minute of silence.

Now he remembered. “Oh, yeah. That. Well, figuring from how loud you argued, I kinda assumed that.” Immediately, he caught all of her attention. “Wait, what? You mean you… you heard it?” A grin slipped on his face. He knew it shouldn’t amuse him, so he tried to hold it back: “I think the whole Jam&Roller heard it. I mean, you really gave him a lecture there. We were pretty surprised you could turn into a volcano.”

Luna groaned and pressed her face deeper into the pillow. “It’s not funny!” She didn’t feel like a volcano. If anything, she was both the lava and the people buried underneath. “Hey, I’m sorry. But seriously, what made you go off like that? Though I’m not saying he didn’t deserve it.”

“I don’t know”, Luna sighed. “I don’t know anything except that I need your help. Simón, please, I’m not joking, I wasn’t this confused about the whole Sol thing and it’s not right, I… I wish I could understand but I don’t know what to do next or even how to ever look at him again.” Patting her shoulder, her best friend cowered in front of her. “Okay, I will help you, but you should relax a bit first. Take a deep breath. Yes, and another one.”

It worked.

Well, until Matteo’s face appeared in front of her and reminded her of the hurt written all over his face. His lost smile. The missing spark in his eyes. His words. I did miss you. I still do. And I will. Her chest tightened all over again.

“Eh, what do you mean?”, Simón continued, “You don’t know how to look at him again? What did he do?” Luna lifted her head. Seeing the tears in her eyes, he gasped. “What did I miss? What did you do?” A small sob escaped her mouth. “I, I might have been wrong all the time and there’s a chance he didn’t deserve me yelling at him?”

“Wait, what?” He struggled to process this new information. After all, it was Matteo’s fault that Luna had been a shadow of herself over the last twelve months. He had noticed how she tried to cover up, to act as if everything was perfectly fine. Normal. But the light in her eyes undeniably used to shine brighter. Luna had every right to lash out at Balsano. So why did she regret it now? Why didn’t it relieve but hurt her more? He couldn’t imagine.

The shrilling sound of the bell interrupted them. First, Simón ignored it. After it rang for a second and a painful long third time he got up. Luna felt grateful for the time to think of an explanation. One that went beyond “He said he cared for me and I’m still mad but I also want to run into his arms”. She didn’t find one. But by the time she looked up again, she found Ámbar. Next to Simón, with his arm casually wrapped around her shoulder. She imagined Matteo holding her close like that. No, let it go. “Hi Lunita!”

“Hey, what are…”

“Why were you late today?”

It took Luna a second to recall Ámbar didn’t mean to be harsh. Anymore. “I was working on my biology assignment and somehow I had forgotten there was training today.” The blonde snorted. “Why am I not surprised this happened?” However, the smirk on her mouth gave her away. “Anyway, it’s not that important. What I’m more interested in, did you and Matteo at least talk when he picked you up? Or was that just screaming too?” Luna’s eyes widened, alarmed. It hadn’t been a joke. Everyone knew. She was so screwed.

Simón squeezed his girlfriend’s shoulder. “Come on, angel, lighten up. What’s this, an interrogation?” Ámbar rolled her eyes. “No, it’s not. But I just wanted to help and it’s unbelievable they apparently didn’t even take that chance when it would have been just perfect. It’s getting too pathetic to watch.” Another eye roll when Simón and Luna simultaneously gave her a confused look. “What are you talking about?”, Luna inquired.

“Lunita, please. Why else do you think it was Matteo who picked you up? I could have just called Tino and tell him to drive you. But no, instead I was trying to be helpful for once.” On a rational level, Luna understood Ámbar meant well. How could she know all hope was lost for Matteo and her? Still: “But why? Why would that help? In which way?”

“Luna’s right”, Simón argued. “And it’s not on us, if they wanted to talk, they would have already. And when Luna doesn’t want to, you shouldn’t put her into a situation like that.”

His girlfriend groaned. “Seriously, I don’t get it. You are both unhappy. Miserable, even. What’s the point? Do you think we don’t see it? Why do you both keep pretending otherwise? Even Tamara figured it out!” She sighed: “All I’m saying is, you should talk to him. Talk, not scream. Let him explain. He’s not a bad guy. But okay, in the end, you do you, I won’t interfere again. You two are too complicated anyway.”

“Can we please not talk about him? Or today in general?”, Luna stammered. She sat up, rubbing her neck. This wasn’t going the way she wanted to. Needed it to. She had come here to pour her heart out and get back on her feet, not to start another fight.

Technically, she still wanted to talk about Matteo, about the storm inside her. And if she should give him another chance. If he could be trusted with her heart. But Ámbar’s words hit every open wound and it hurt too much. Luna wasn’t ready to hear this truth yet, to believe it. So, she preferred to push it aside.

Before the silence settled in the room, Simón jumped in: “Well, then why don’t we forget that and watch a movie?” Luna nodded, while Ámbar agreed with her eyebrow still raised.

Soon, Simón and Ámbar snuggled on the couch while the opening scene began. Luna tried to not allow the jealousy creep into her veins. Her friends were happy, so she should be too, right? And if not, at least she should be able to focus on the movie.

Yet, her mind played a film of its own. Memories flooded her head. Some tasted bitter, like the one on the rink when he laughed at her. Maybe about her. Or when he switched teams again to avoid trouble with Ámbar.

Most of them felt like a bubble bath in happiness, however. His hugs. Every time he offered his help right when she needed it the most. Discovering the wings under her feet when he taught her a new step or lift. The butterflies in her stomach that woke up with his smile. Him, constantly making sure she was okay and happy.

Why did it had to end? They could have made it. That’s what she believed anyway until he exchanged her for the Italian sun and her sky missed the stars she used to see around him.

And now he suddenly talked about missing her, about wanting to give her the explanation she so desperately craved. She remembered Ámbar’s words. They were miserable, yes, or she definitely was. Matteo looked the part. Luna gave in and imagined what could happen if she got a reason. An apology, even. If there was a meaning behind her pain, what would change? Everything? Nothing?

These questions kept her mind busy. She left the apartment without knowing as much as the title of the film they had seen.

She needed to learn to move on.

The realization hit her late at night, after she crawled under her blanket and hugged her pillow tight. This crying and being mad and avoiding him had to come to an end. The searching and hoping for a way to turn things around too. She deserved closure, she deserved peace. If she got through the whole drama of being Sol Benson, then she could move on from a boy who made no sense. Right? And what did she had to lose by now anyway? How much worse could it get?

Maybe Ámbar had a point and letting Matteo explain was the right thing to do. Maybe she should give him that chance. Not for him. But for herself. Pushing her blanket away, Luna grabbed her phone. At last, she knew what to do.

Can we talk tomorrow? It’s important, she typed. She read through it, but decided to leave the details for the morning. Her fingers were only shaking slightly when she hit send.

Luna found him sitting in one of the chairs. Throughout the whole school day she had been unable to focus on the classes, fidgeting even more than usual and reliving the fight with Matteo. Hopefully, this would be over soon.

“Hey, thank you so much for taking the time!”

“Come on, you know I always have enough time for my best friend!”, Simón laughed. His eyes scanned her, which she noticed, of course. But she had nothing to hide anymore. Her smile was real, just like the determination she found behind the lump of nervousness in her throat.

“So, what’s this super important thing you need to talk about? Is it about the competition?”

“Well, no, actually it’s not. It’s about Matteo”, she began. Simón frowned. “So, I thought a lot about what Ámbar said yesterday. She knows him for so long, right? If she says I should talk to him, maybe it’s really time I do. I think I want to too.”

Her best friend shrugged, then chuckled. It sounded nervous, not quite convinced. “Then why don’t you just do it? The Luna I know can do everything she wants.” His smile turned softer and for a moment, Luna truly believed she could make it right this time.

Then she sighed. “I don’t know how to talk to him when he will avoid me even more than before.”

“Can I ask you a question?” Simón fidgeted with the menu card. Confused, she nodded. “I’ve been thinking about yesterday too, about what you told him. Luna, why didn’t you tell me how you felt? We’re best friends, you can always come talk to me if that’s what you need.”

“I’m sorry, Simón. It’s not that I didn’t want to, but, well, I couldn’t. I didn’t plan to say all of this, I didn’t even know that this was inside me. And at some point after he left, I just didn’t want you to worry and there was this whole Sol thing, and what could you have done anyway?”

There was still a frown on his face. “Look, I was just as surprised as you yesterday, but I’m glad I let it out. I had to. But what I really need now, from you, is your help to talk to him. Will you? Help me, I mean?”

Now he eased up. “Yeah. Everything that makes you happy, you know that.”

“Thank you!”

The next day, Luna felt more nervous than ever to go to the Jam&Roller. Her phone in her hands, she walked as fast as her feet carried her. (She felt it in her legs, how her muscles urged her to slow down and moaned because she ignored it) Two more streets, and her breath run short. Simón hadn’t texted her yet, and if he wasn’t texting her, it meant he was busy and talking to Matteo. Hopefully.

Only one more intersection and she’d know. But of course, the red light stopped her and while Luna caught her breath, she considered running over the street. This traffic light usually took ages to jump to green, she didn’t have that time. And there wasn’t any car around. Should she do it?

Luckily, she didn’t need to decide. Within seconds after the green light had mercy and signaled her to run, she stepped into the bar, her heart pounding loud and wild.

Simón wasn’t behind the counter, which looked promising to her as she didn’t see Matteo either. She dropped off her bag, and walked straight to the rink. Nothing but a small taste of doubt in her mouth now. Maybe they were at the lockers?

Again, no hint of the two. Only Pedro who greeted her cheerfully as usual. The worry reached her stomach and she felt unable to return Pedro’s smile. “Have you seen Simón? It’s super important”, she asked him, the words stumbling out of her mouth. “Well, fifteen minutes ago I saw him talking to Matteo by the stage. Have you checked the wardrobe?”

Fifteen minutes ago, they hadn’t planned it like this. Luna prayed she wasn’t too late. “No, I haven’t, thank you!”, she yelled over her shoulder.

Indeed, she found Simón sitting in the wardrobe, lost in thought, strumming his guitar. “Simón! Why are you here? Where’s Matteo?” Startled, her best friend looked up. “Luna, I didn’t expect you so soon!”

“What? The whole plan was about me being here and seriously, where is Matteo? Don’t tell me he already left, please!”

Simón put his guitar aside. By the expression in his eyes, he planned something and Luna wondered if she wanted to know.

“He did. I tried, you need to believe me, but he was so eager to leave, I couldn’t stop him.” She groaned. “However, don’t worry, it won’t happen again”, he added without making her feel better. “Of course it won’t, because he will keep running from me forever.”

“You give up too fast, Luna. He won’t be able to run from you. Well, not if I tell him I need him to switch shifts with Nico because of a totally made-up emergency. And the best part: he can’t say no since Tamara left me in charge while she’s away. So, give it two days and you’ll get your shot.” He leaned back with a smirk, looking pleased with himself. Luna took a sharp breath. Trying to get to talk to him today had already rubbed her the wrong way, but this? This was a whole new level, one she shouldn’t feel so comfortable stepping on.

“Do you think this is a good idea?”

“Totally, you’ll see, and who knows, in a week you won’t be thinking about him anymore.” The thought of forgetting Matteo failed to reassure her. But this wouldn’t stop her. Not this time, not when Simón had a point and gave her the one chance she needed to move on. Right?

In the end, it was her heart who betrayed her. Dancing in her chest, over these two days it started to whisper that Matteo missed her, for real, and that it wasn’t a dream but a fact. It fully dived into the memories, the craving and pining as if Luna had nothing to lose.

It reminded her of his birthday present as well. Specifically, of the part no one knew about. Not Simón, not Nina, not even her parents. Get it out, it whispered, you hid it long enough. Just take another look. And the memories weren’t alone: all the feelings she had very much tried to bury forever accompanied them.

Luna hated it. This wasn’t fair, at all. Being a teenager shouldn’t be this hard. Love neither.

Time didn’t pass. No matter how hard Luna kept track of it and stared at whatever clock was around, the two days stretched into an eternity. And eternity gave her a lot of possibilities to overthink. Was she ready for the truth and for moving on? Did she have to be ready? (She didn’t feel the part.)

Her friends weren’t any help either. Just mentioning Matteo’s name caused them to interrogate her until she felt like the main suspect in a major crime case until she considered hiding in the bathroom.

Then, she woke up to a text of Simón, “Today!”, and time passed way too quickly during classes. Before Luna settled on a final plan for this conversation, she found herself in front of the Jam&Roller. Okay, she told herself, reaching for the door handle, you can do this. Just wing it. It’ll be fine.

She discovered Simón behind the bar. “Luna, there you are!”, he grinned at her, “Are you ready? Matteo is on the rink, so you can go straight ahead.”

“Thank you”, Luna said and forced a smile, “I’m just gonna put my skates on first.” And something Matteo hopefully saw as a sign she didn’t want to hurt him. But there was no need to rub that in Simón’s face when he’d only be hurt that she kept this a secret from him too. “Then don’t stand around, go, go, go! Good luck!”

Indeed, Luna needed that luck.

Seeing Matteo was enough to cause her chest to tighten until she forgot how to breathe. The last time they’d seen each other popped up in her head like one of these ads on Youtube that you couldn’t skip. Though, if she was being honest with herself, he didn’t look as miserable anymore. Only an unfathomable smile was on his face, nothing that laid bare how he felt. Or maybe it was showing in the details, in things escaping her mind because she had forgotten how to read him.

The second he noticed her, his movements changed. The smile, no matter how real, faded. Matteo slowed down, then turned away from her to watch the other skaters more intensely than was believable. Sighing, she decided she needed more drastic measures to get his attention.

This situation called for solely one thing.

Slowly, Luna once skated around the rink. She waited for his gaze to get stuck on her. A second round, taking up speed. Now. She spun around, well aware she wouldn’t make it if she shifted her weight to her right foot.

The fall came quickly. Matteo however didn’t. He remained on his spot, staring and probably waiting for her to get up. She felt her cheeks heating up. Not that she had a real plan, but things obviously weren’t going well.

Nevertheless, she sent a smile in his direction. Visibly exhaling, he skated over. “Why did I know you’d show up today?” Her eyebrows twitched and she hesitated to answer. “What do you want?”, Matteo went on, “There’s no training for the competition, you know that.”

That’s it, she thought, there had to be a way to bring back the old Matteo, or at least a Matteo she knew how to talk to. One that reminded her of the person she used to be, too. “No comment because I fell? I believe that’s a first.” She got a snort instead of the smirk she aimed for. “Look, I have to work, so if you don’t mind…”

“No, wait!” Luna reached out her hand. “Please.” With every passing second, her heart beat faster. What if she came too late, if he believed every single word her anger had directed at him? If she never got to tell him that right now, she missed their old selves more than she wanted to stay mad. That she wanted to hug him, wanted him to call her chica delivery, to wink at her and convince her to dance with him.

Lastly, Matteo grabbed her hand. His radiated warmth and offered support bittersweet in its familiarity. She focused on that while he pulled her up. Looking in his eyes seemed impossible.

“You only mentioned the card”, he commented to her surprise. Following his gaze, her eyes fixed her laces. More specifically, the silver moon and the strawberry dangling from them next to each other. “What?”

“You never brought them up. Or had them on before. Why now?” At his stinging tone, her voice broke into nothing more than a whisper. “I wanted to talk to you.” Matteo nodded slowly, as if he weighed his every word. “I see”, he began when a girl interrupted them. “Sorry, but you’re the supervisor, right? Could you help me with something, please?”

Immediately, his mouth curled up for this girl, a regular. “Yeah, of course.” Over his shoulder he said to Luna: “You’ll excuse me for a minute.”

Undecided, she stayed on her place frozen like a statue. Did his words mean he’d come back? Or would he go back to ignoring her? Luna had no idea. Her whole world felt shaky and unsteady, all because she couldn’t tell whether he put on a mask for her or for the girl he was helping. How did he continue to be her fixpoint? Her rock.

She watched him. Right now, he explained how to keep the balance while skating on one foot. He made a good teacher, patiently showing and encouraging the girl until it worked. No cheekiness, just kind support, she saw that much from the distance. It shouldn’t surprise her that much, she had seen him like this before, only that it felt like a lifetime ago and it had always been aimed at her.

Now, the same friendliness didn’t last for her. “So, Luna, I have a question for you.”

Had she seriously hoped for anything else except his razor-sharp tone? “If you wanted to talk to me, what did your dear Simón had to do with it? Did you think I wouldn’t notice how he obviously tried to keep me from leaving, just around the time school finishes? Why else would he suddenly be nice to me and ask for my help with a song I couldn’t possibly care less about? And only two days after you yelled at me, possibly loud enough for everyone to hear it? I bet he still laughs about it and thinks I deserve it.”

Yeah, in no way would she tell him they all really knew about their fight. Rather, she went for: “This is not about Simón, Matteo. Please.”

“No, it’s not. But you know, if you wanted to talk to me again, you could have texted me. Ask me, not let beanie boy do all the work because it’s easier for you.” With every word out of his mouth, she shrunk in size. By all means, he was right. “Matteo, I’m sorry, I…”

“Don’t. Whatever it was you wanted to say, spit it out already. What do you want? What do you want to happen, what are you trying to achieve with”, he gestured to her skates and the ground, “All this?”

There wasn’t enough air in here to fill her lungs, especially not when the storm in his eyes took her breath away.

“I wanted a reason”, she stammered. “You said you cared but I still don’t understand why you simply disappeared from my life. Look, all I wanted was to move on and later remember this without having to wonder what happened.”

“Wanted?”, Matteo asked, an eyebrow raised before his expressions softened up slightly. Luna stared back, astounded at the power of a small word. “I… I mean… I still care about you. I tried not to. But I really, really do.” At this, suddenly his eyes lit up like a firework in the night sky. He coughed and looked away, trying to conceal it. Still, she recognized this trace of hope, because it spread in her too and gave her a fuzzy sensation in her guts.

“So, why did you never stay in touch?”

They sat on the bleachers while Matteo focused on the rink. Not that Luna would ever admit it, but she took the chance to study his face. He was the most beautiful thing she had ever laid her eyes on. Most likely forever. It struck her that whatever was about to come, she most likely didn’t expect it. And just maybe, she didn’t have to lose him. Maybe this wasn’t their end or the last time she could get lost in his perfection.

“This might take a while.”

Luna reached out for his arm, but held herself back before he noticed. She cleared her throat. “I have time.”

Matteo closed his eyes. Forgotten was the rink, his shift. All that mattered was Luna, to find the right words that kept his hopes for a second chance alive. “The day after we arrived in Italy, uh, my dad told me we probably wouldn’t come back for the school year. Well, I know I should have expected it, but I didn’t want to hear any of it. That’s when we had our first fight, over there I mean. I just refused to give up the hope to see you again, you know?”

His voice trembled, the words blurred and it was hard to understand everything. “I never wanted our kiss to be the end of something. So, I didn’t want him to mention this until their bosses made their final decision. And then… then they told me we’d stay. That I would finish school there, and likely study too, or go to Oxford. Those were my options. It was right after the first Open, you know, the one Tamara streamed. I, I missed you. I missed you so much. I wanted to see you, hear your voice but there you didn’t perform while my parents basically told me I’d never get to go back and should let this fantasy go.”

Luna remembered the Open, how she regretted not performing when she learned about the one person who had streamed it from Italy. It truly had been him, of course, and of course he didn’t get to see the one time she sang for him.

“My first impulse was to call you. I had to tell you, but no matter how long I sat in front of my phone and opened your contact, I couldn’t do it. I knew it would be the right thing to do and yet, I… my head always found a reason not to do it. It was stupid, I realized that now, the most stupid thing I’ve ever done.”

Matteo paused. Let out a sigh. So much weight seemed to escape his body with it, Luna wondered how he had managed to walk upright before. “And then?”, she asked in a husky voice. “Did you just… decide that not talking to me at all was better? But then why did you send me something for my birthday then? That makes no sense to me. Wait, look, I want to get it, but right now, I feel there are more question marks in my head than before.”

Something about her words shattered him back into pieces. She saw it without understanding why tears sparkled in his eyes or why his whole body was made up of misery.

“I didn’t decide anything. My dad did. He’s, eh, let’s say, quite controlling. He told me I was acting out of my mind, and I was, of course I was. I felt so lost without you, but when he learned about you, he tried to reign me back in. Like I was a dog who didn’t listen and just needed some more training to behave.” A snort, one heartbeat of silence. Another one. “Actually, it’s not like I didn’t expect it. Although usually he was distant, more of a teacher than a father. But this time, he suddenly cared. Or at least compared to like all my life. And… since I honestly believed I’d never see you again but instead could have a decent relationship with my parents, finally, I…”, another break. “This sounds even shittier when I say it out loud.”

His fingers moved restlessly around, through his hair, along the seam of his shirt, rubbing his neck. Never stopping. “I’m sorry, Luna, I made so many mistakes, you have every right to be mad…”, she stopped him. “I want this to be over.”

He stared at her with eyes wide opened. Even though silence settled between them, Luna swore she heard his heart break.

“No, no, not like that!”, she hurried to add. Before her brain stopped her, her hand searched for his. Equally surprised as she was, Matteo held in a breath. Confusion was written all over his face. Luna tried to say something, anything, however touching him burned out every single thought in her head.

It took her some moments to find her voice. “What I’m trying to say is, I want us to be able to talk normally again. Like before. I don’t care if what you have to tell me sounds shitty. I said I wanted to understand, and I won’t run away. I promise. And I don’t want to stay mad at you. Anymore.”

“What?”

In another situation, she would have laughed at his shocked face. Now, she let her thumb draw lazy circles on his skin. “I’m done being mad at you”, she repeated. A smile as bright as a thousand stars broke free on his lips. It blinded her, consumed everything else around them like a black hole. She wanted to see this smile every day of her life.

“You know, you’re always in my head, everywhere I am”, he confessed, more radiant than the sun itself. “Everything that you said before sounded as if my only goal during the last year was to make you suffer and I know it’s hard to believe it but I never wanted to hurt you. I believed I was doing what was best for you, to allow you to move on. It took me weeks to buy these pendants. Every time I passed this shop window, I thought about getting them for you. But I also hoped you had forgotten me by then, because it meant you didn’t suffer like me. That’s why I always walked past them in the end.”

Focusing on his words got harder when he pulled his hand away. She hated how she ached to feel more of him, whether by holding his hand or being in his arms and doing all the things she definitely needed to stop thinking about. “And then my parents left town for a few days and I found myself in front of the shop again. I figured it was now or never, that you could still get them in time without my dad ever knowing I lied when I told him I had forgotten you completely. So, I bought them. I let them change them so you could wear them on your laces and went straight to the post office, wrote the card there and sent it off. But the next day, I already realized it was contradicting and wrong and I knew I’d never have the courage to ask Gastón how you reacted.”

“He couldn’t have answered that question anyway. I never told anyone about them”, Luna stated. “In fact, until yesterday, I kept them in my drawer right at the back so I didn’t have to see them.”

“Why?”, he inquired, biting his tongue. She shifted on her seat, unconsciously ending up closer to him. Her fingers fidgeted with her bracelets in order to keep her from reaching out to find his hand. “It hurt too much, thinking about you. And I didn’t want everyone else to worry about me again, especially when they just started to believe I was better.”

Matteo shook his head. “Luna, you can’t always think of everyone else first. Sometimes, what you want and need is more important.”

“Would you say the same thing if I told you you weren’t what I wanted?” His gaze laid down on her, firm and calm. It brought back the feeling she could read his every thought and emotion in his eyes. Hope spread out in her, racing through every cell and making her dizzy. “I would say your happiness is the most important thing. And I know I got in the way of it too often already, so… one word from you and I’ll leave you alone.”

That was it, that was the last strike it took to tear down the wall around her heart. Immediately, this hope forged a fire that turned every last bit of anger and resentment into ashes. “And let’s say, I wouldn’t want you to go. Why should I trust you now? How do I know you’re not leaving again because your dad makes you?” Matteo took her hand, studying their intertwined fingers before he answered. “After the last training, I talked to my parents. I figured I lost you for good, but I also realized they needed to know the truth. So, I told them I still only wanted to be with you and that it was wrong to pretend otherwise and that I didn’t care what they say.”

“How did that go?”, she blurted out. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t imagine talking to her parents like that. Or them to act like Matteo’s parents, for that matter. “Well, my dad got mad. Very mad, actually. It was nothing compared to when I decided to study physics and astronomy instead of sticking to his plans for me.” With the hand he wasn’t holding on to, she gently patted his arm.

“Why are you looking at me like that, chica delivery?”

Was it possible to have a heart attack because of a nickname?

“Are you and your dad okay now?” Matteo shrugged. “He’ll get over it at some point. But really, in the end, I don’t care anymore if they accept or even like my choice. That’s not what matters.” He smiled at her, all soft and warm and full of love. The chica delivery from a minute ago couldn’t hold up against it. If she hadn’t been sitting, who knew where her shaking knees would have taken her. “I love you, Luna. And I will stay.”

Maybe she should think this through. Tell him she needed some time to process everything, to decide on what was best for her.

But truth be told, her heart already chose him without a doubt. She knew living without him was possible, she had managed to get by like this. However, talking to him demonstrated that it wasn’t what she aimed for, a life without his smiles. His touch, his support. His love.

“Luna?”, Matteo pulled her back to reality, where she had left him waiting for an answer, “Will you give me a second chance?” She looked up. Hope glimmered in his eyes, along with an undeniable fear. Never had he been this vulnerable around her, perhaps around anyone.

“I mean I haven’t completely forgiven you”, she admitted. In response, his hand loosened its grip on hers. “I haven’t because it will take some time, but… I want to try this. Us. I, I like you very much too.”

Time stopped.

Suddenly, he embraced her waist and she sat right next to him, wrapped up in his arms. The world started spinning, faster than ever before. Luna closed her eyes. Like adding the last puzzle piece, her life felt complete again.

His lips found her forehead, murmuring “Thank you” before he gently pressed them on her skin. It took all her self-control to not kiss him right here, right now in front of the other skaters.

Somehow, they ended up in the wardrobe. The reason escaped her mind before the door closed behind them. Did he needed to get something out of here? All Luna remembered was walking hand in hand with him and that the smile on her face grew wider with every minute.

“Wait, was there any reason we’re here now?”, she asked. Matteo grinned, the signature chico fresa look, and turned around so he faced her. One hand reached out for her hair, brushed it back, then rested on her cheek. His other hand supported her waist, pulled her closer. Not close enough. She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Is it too early to ask if I can kiss you?”

“I don’t know, chico fresa, is it?”

It wasn’t. Of course. How could it be too early when all Luna had done for a year was to dream of these lips, this boy and being with him?

Matteo kissed her. Or she kissed him. It didn’t matter. Her mind turned quiet, but she heard her heart sing, even shouting in her chest. She had forgotten kissing Matteo meant a hurricane in her veins, meant being burned alive but enjoying every second of it. His thumb caressed her cheek and it drove her crazy, how he sent one wave of electricity after another through her body.

When they broke apart, Luna didn’t need to open her eyes to see him beaming with happiness. His voice sounded warm and just rough enough to make her knees tremble: “I think now I’m really home again.”

Thank you.

#soy luna #lutteo #my sl fanfiction #lost then found #love me or leave me #okay muffin first of all i left so many clues about the ending #like just look at the title of the fic that should have been enough #(btw the wing it part was ofc a reference)#and i loved teasing you until the very end but as if i could let my babies end up hurt and not together please #also a fic involving simón without a simbeanie burn is just not good you feel me #now here we come publishing break i was awaiting you :d #me out

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thechocobros · 8 years ago

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“SEE LUNA SAFE TO ALTISSIA” - part 6

Pair: Nyx Ulric / Lunafreya Nox Fleuret

Previously: For some reasons, if I insert the Ao3 link here, the post doesn’t show up in the tags. So if you want the previous chapters, just message me privately ;)

Words: 6685

Plot: Luna and Nyx didn’t fell in the Empire’s trap, Nyx didn’t had to use the ring and he survived. What would have happened if Nyx really had the chance to ‘see Luna safe to Altissia’, like he promised to Regis? Here the part 6: A ‘small inconvenience’ happens to Luna right after Ramuh’s awake and before heading to Altissia, she decides to go back home, in Tenebrae.

Personal Comment: Things are getting hot down here ;) Who can blame Luna too? And after that, all I have to add is: Dino is us, we are Dino. #DinoIsLife #ILoveDino

For this chapter I have to credit @loveiscosmicsin a lot! Like, honestly. My characters wouldn’t be that funny without you, Kwai.

The sheets were cool on her skin, but the rest of her body was pure fire. She felt fire in her veins, fire in her bones, fire in her head, it clouded her mind. Luna arched her back so she could reach every inch of his body and feel it on hers. He moaned in pleasure and to reward her for her initiative he used one big hand to cup her cheek and kissed her deeper, mouth open, his beard brushing on her face. Luna was overwhelmed by him, she couldn’t even breathe but didn’t complain. Her mind was empty, only consumed by the desire beyond her control.

She didn’t know how she got there. She didn’t worry for what would happen next.

She opened her palm and he automatically reached for it, entwined his fingers in hers, holding her tight. He didn’t want to let her go. He didn’t interrupt the kiss, only a moment to catch his breath and then continue. He smelled like wood and rain and that reminded her of something. Something that happened recently, yet she couldn’t remember. She actually couldn’t remember anything, not even who was the man who was making her feel so alive. She tried to opened her eyes but she couldn’t. Luna freed her hand, putting her arm around his neck, where she found nothing but his bare skin and a little chain. Her fingers followed the length of the necklace, reaching the pendant: the Ring of the Lucii. She grasped for air, surprised. But the man thought that was a good moment to move his mouth from her lips to her throat, peppering it with kisses. He also bit her clavicle, not hurting her but setting her even more on fire. She touched his face, trying to recognize him in shroud of the darkness over the two of them.

“Nyx?” she moaned and there was surprise in her voice.

What was happening? Why were they…? Her stomach wriggled but for some reason she didn’t even try to rebel. She let him touch her waist, her neck, her arms. Then he suddenly lowered his hand to grab her knee and put it around his hips: Luna boggled, opening her mouth and her eyes. The fire inside her bursted and the emotion got so strong she… woke up.

Luna found herself in a soft bed, covered in white sheets. Her dress was still a bit wet and dirty, and same went for her hair, which also smelled bad. Yet, she wasn’t cold, on the contrary, she was covered by so many blankets she had her face on fire. Maybe she also had caught a fever. But was it really because of the blankets?

She was still breathing heavily and that was totally because of that dream. A dream. For Astrals’ sake, what kind of dream did she just have?

She touched her cheeks and then rested a hand on her heart: it was beating so fast it was embarrassing. She stared at a random corner of the room blankly as she tried to remember what happened the day before. She remembered the Moldacchi hills and she remembered Ramuh. After that, she fainted because she couldn’t remember anything but her dreams. But what if… those were not only dreams? She looked under the sheets, controlling if she still had her entire dress on and yes, she still wore it. But that dream felt so real…

She looked around, still nervous: where was Nyx? She swallowed hard, shivering at the idea of looking at his face again now.

She got off the bed and realized she was in a motel, probably one not very far from the place where she woke up Ramuh. She looked out of the window. It was afternoon.

In that moment, the noise of the opening door made her turn around and holding her breath. It had to be Nyx and as a matter of fact he appeared with a plastic bag in his hand, chewing gum, and looked surprised. “Princess! You’re finally up!”

He frowned and quickly stepped ahead, studying her face searching for a sign of something. But as he got closer, Luna got further, looking at him like he was a monster. He stopped. “Are you… okay?” he asked, noticing her face burning red.

“I’m fine,” she answered quickly, closing her fists and stepping back again.

Nyx looked confused. “Well, you slept for almost 20 hours this time and your eyes are wet like you had a nightmare. You’re obviously not fine.”

“I said I’m fine!” she raised her voice more than usual, which convinced Nyx even more she was not fine at all.

“Okay, okay!” he raised his hands in a sign of surrender. “I brought some food, in case you’re hungry.”

“What happened?” Luna’s voice was still too nervous to be gentle.

“What do you mean what happened? You don’t remember anything?”

Luna felt her heart falling in his stomach like a 200 kg burden.

“W-what should I remember…?” she asked, her voice trembling.

“You woke up the Ramuh and he decided to give his blessing to the prince. You made quite the show with a stunning solo-performance, too. After that, you went out like a light.”

“That I remember. What happened after?”

Nyx shrugged, looking puzzled.“I took you here and you didn’t wake up for a while. What else should have happened?”

The reply to that question was less obvious than he could imagine, but Luna felt relieved. It seemed like the dream was just a dream afterall. Yet she didn’t understand how could it happen and that embarrassed her a lot. She literally couldn’t look at him in the eyes anymore.

“My clothes are wet, so I probably caught a cold.”

Nyx didn’t understand her tone of accusation and asked, genuinely confused, “You wanted me take your clothes off…?”

“No!” She screamed her mortification.

“Then why are you so upset? What did I do wrong?”

She opened her mouth to answer but seeing him all puzzled, arms open and the questioning expression made her hesitate and blush even more. “I– Well, it doesn’t matter!” She said, turning away and heading to the bathroom. “I’m going to have a bath now because I’m filthy so would you be so kind and leave me alone? Thank you and have a nice day.”

Nyx raised his eyebrows in a very funny grimace like he couldn’t believe his ears. “What the …?” he laughed, incredulous. “Okay, you clearly woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I’ll disappear then.” And he left.

Luna ran into the bathroom and closed the door behind her, trying to ignore her racing heart. She covered her face with the hands, cursing herself for her lack of manners.

“What was I thinking…?” she whispered to herself. Considering the circumstances, that dream right happened at the worst moment. She watched herself at the mirror and quickly took her dress off: the veins on her stomach were glowing in black, but not in a constant way. Sometimes they got red, then black again, then totally disappeared under her skin.

She swallowed.

She knew that this would be happen, and yet seeing her body changing like that hurt her more than she could imagine. She felt deprived of her humanity, her sense of normalcy. She felt like … she didn’t deserved to be loved anymore now, not even by herself. Her body wasn’t even hers anymore, but just a device to be disposed of when she’s done wasting away.

Luna closed her eyes and swallowed her pride: “To save the world… To save the world.”

Maybe repeating it like a mantra would have convinced her in the end. Saying it proved to have little effect on her state of mind. Such foolishness.

Luna cleaned herself with a meticulous care, trying to wash away the anguishing sensation of deterioration from her skin. She used half of the bottle of soap and scrubbed her arms and stomach like she never did before. She really tried to forget the pain which tormented her deeply in the soul, closing her eyes and sinking a bit in the tub. But when she did that, the image of Nyx passionately kissing her popped up in her mind and she almost drowned, much to her embarrassment.

She realized there was no safe place in her mind. Luna worried for not being able to save the world and for the shameless dream she casually had about her charming bodyguard. Her thoughts where such a mess.

Actually, the dream particularly confused her. Where did it come from? Of course there were a lot of things she appreciated in her bodyguard’s persona, for example his funny yet protective personality, his witty eyes, his courage, his strength and also, the way he took care of her without forcing her doing something against her will. But that dream clearly showed she unconsciously was attracted by his physical appearance too, in a way she never had been with nobody. And that was something new for her, unexpected, embarrassing and somehow… Wrong. Totally wrong for so many reasons.

And not only because she was promised to another man. She just knew she wouldn’t be available for anyone very soon in any case, not even to Noctis. And she didn’t even had to start talking about an immigrant Glaive with no house or title.

For some mysterious reason she started caressing her body exactly where Nyx touched her in the dream, starting from the face, to the neck, to her hip, her leg… It left her wondering if he would actually do that, even if he knew what she was secretly losing her humanity. She stopped when she understood he probably wouldn’t have. He would be disgusted by it. And he also would get very mad for not telling him before.

She felt bad for even indulging on that thought. Yet, the fire that burned under her skin during the dream made her feel so alive and so real, it was hard to renounce to the memory of it. Maybe that was faulty assumption because she was kind of already sentenced to death. She didn’t belong to herself anymore. Luna couldn’t decide on her own how to use that decaying body. She decided long ago to sacrifice every bit of it for the sake of the people and there was no turning back now.

She started brushing her skin harder, and then frantically squirted shampoo on her scalp. To change the line of her thoughts, she tried to remember the fall of Insomnia, Ravus burning after using the ring, Regis murdered in front of her very eyes.

King Regis… He sacrificed his own humanity for the world too, which somehow gave her comfort. Noctis would have done the same pretty soon. Death marked the life of them all so deeply they couldn’t even think to enjoy life in the meantime. It was a luxury they couldn’t afford.

She thought about what she had to do next: waking up Leviathan and forging an Alliance with her. Since the hostility of the Goddess of the Sea was well-known, the ritual would have required more energy than usual. The ritual could very well be Luna’s last.

She realized how short her time left was and even if she prepared her all life to be strong in such a critical time, she couldn’t think about anything else but home. She still wasn’t ready for Altissia. She wanted to go back to Tenabrae, even for few days.

Nyx sat at the edge of a sidewalk, drinking from his plastic cup and reading the newspaper. In the first page there was the mysterious disappearance of the Archaean from the Disc of Cauthess and all the facetious lies the Empire invented to justify it and bury the event down. In fact, he knew what was the truth: Prince Noctis infiltrated in the Disc and successfully obtained the Titan’s blessing thanks to Lunafreya. He was surprised in seeing that Ravus Nox Fleuret was interviewed for the occasion.

“So, he isn’t dead …” He mumbled to himself, remembering the moment when he used the ring and almost got killed by it. There was also a photo of him, which was interesting: it looked like the Empire wanted to make a big show about the influence of their “High Commander”, maybe to convince everybody that if a Fleuret supported them, so should have everybody.

Nyx shook his head, disappointed. “Your sister doesn’t look like you, not even a bit.” He turned the paper, to watch the photo closer. “Well, fine, you may have the same facial features but you really don’t look alike either, you know what I mean?”

“Why are you talking with the newspaper …?”

Nyx boggled and turn around to see the Princess standing in front of him, her arms crossed, her face uneasy. He swallowed, noticing her mood didn’t got any better.

“Yeah, well, no… Yes. It looks like your brother is still alive.” Nyx expected to give her a big news, but Luna simply bit her lip.

“I already knew that.” That was surprising.

“Really? How?”

“Gentiana told me.”

“Oh. That lady that goes around with her eyes closed and speaks in cryptic riddles.”

“A divine messanger and also a goddess” Luna sharply corrected him.

“Yeah, that.” He gave her the newspaper. “Did you read about the Empire’s opinion about what happened to the Archaean, too?”

Luna took the paper, being very careful not touching his hand. She just couldn’t afford other dream’s flashbacks right now. She took a couple minutes to read the article and to weigh the truth beyond the evident lies.

“So Noctis has arrived to the Disc of Cauthess …” She whispered, thinking about sending him a message via Umbra. She should have tried to summon the dog later, when she was alone. When she raised her eyes, she caught Nyx staring at her and caused her emotions to flutter beyond measure. “What?” she asked, annoyed.

“You left you hair down.” That was the stupidest answer Luna could ever get. She just didn’t braid her hair because after the shower, it was still wet.

“So why is that worth noticing?”

Nyx wasn’t intimidated by her bad mood and just admitted, “You look better like this.”

Luna literally slammed the newspaper on his chest, as much violently as she could, causing him to flinch in silence. She walked ahead, looking outraged like he just insulted her and started tying her hair up.

Luna made clear that she wanted to leave as soon as possible. Finally realizing that he shouldn’t have even try to contradict her, Nyx packed the few things they had and prepared for leaving. He sighed deeply looking at what time it was: evening already, which meant they would have to camp somewhere soon.

It didn’t make any sense to set off now, but here he was on the wheel, turning the car on.

“So, where are we headed?”

Lunafreya decided to sit in the backseat to keep the distance. “Galdin Quay.”

“Galdin Quay? Really? Why? You want to get a tan and relax on the beach?”

Luna didn’t answer and Nyx raised his eyebrows and sighed again. “Oh, right. I can see you’re not in the mood for talking today. Guess I missed that cue.”

“Just take me there.”

“Yes, ma'am.”

Nyx pulled over after two hours of driving, stopping by a dark forest.

“What’s going on?” Luna complained.

“It’s dark, Princess, and I don’t think the road is safe anymore. I’ll take you to the closest camp site and we will wait for the morning light to come.”

“We are just some miles away from our destination!” Nyx turned towards her, resting the arm on the seat.

“I refuse to drive at night. And I refuse to allow you to behave like you suddenly can’t think rational. So please, my dear princess, now shut up and do what I say. Get out of the car.”

Luna opened her mouth to reply something but she couldn’t so she quickly get out and follow him. “You can’t talk to me like this!”

“I just did,” Nyx replied, taking out of the trunk a lot of useful stuff for camping. “Carry this.” He gave her a small baggage ignoring her scandalized expression, while he decided to carry the rest. He closed the car and headed to the closest blue light which signed the existence of a camp site.

Lunafreya was so shocked by his determination she couldn’t reply anymore and just followed him until they arrived at the camp. She hesitated. The haven was a small hill carved in stone, large enough to host a modest group of people, rocks were engraved with runes. As she recognized the symbols, she ceased further complaints immediately, instead a wave of melachony overwhelmed her.

Those safe havens were protected by white magic, gifted by the Oracle itself, but Luna wasn’t the one to credit for such a benevolent deed.

“Mother…” she whispered, turning slowly around on her feet, reading the runes like it was a private message Sylva Nox Fleuret left to her years ago. Luna’s heart ached aknowledging that her mother’s power was still coursing in those safe havens even after such a long time had passed.

“Mh? You said something?” Nyx asked, starting to prepare things for the night. Luna shook her head and said no more. She sat on a chair and observed her Glaive as as he pitched the tent and assembled the grill.

However, when Nyx finally started to prepare dinner, the dream came up to her mind again, making her forgetting about her mother and turning red. In the end, she was forced to move the chair away so she hadn’t to watch him anymore. If she wouldn’t have learned to deal with the embarrassment that the dream brought to her, she would have soon start to beg the Gods to kill her off sooner than expected. As a matter of fact, to scroll of the thought of it, she had to focus on the dark forest around, noticing just now what a beautiful night it was, warm and with the scent of sea in the air: they were clearing getting closer to the south beach.

“Sorry for interrupting your meditation but dinner is ready, Your Highness.” Nyx said after a couple of minutes, placing a dish on a small table made in wood. Luna turned around and looked at what he prepared.

“Is that…?”

“An hamburger. Yeah. Since you never tasted one, I thought you would like to try it.” He also put a bottle of water on the table and some cookies. “Here, these ought to sweeten your mood.”

Luna’s heart ached hearing those words, realizing how much concern she was putting on him only because of her inexplicable behavior. Yet, she didn’t apologize.

Nyx sat on the other chair, clearing his hands with a tissue. He carefully studied her reaction when she tasted the hamburger, trying to understand if she liked it or not. Luna had some troubles at first (her good manners forbidden her to touch the food with her bare hands), but as she started to eat she realized how hungry she was.

“It’s… good,” she commented, raising her eyes to watch him smile. The Princess Oracle stopped chewing for a second, impressed by the beauty of him. For Astrals’ sake, how did she never notice how much attractive he was? “Thank you.”

His braids slide back as he tilted his head and scrolled his large shoulders. “You’re welcome.”

Luna looked down, burning red. Certainly he did notice, but didn’t ask. They ate in silence, listening to the sound of the night and smelling the fire, until Umbra came, hamming to receive Luna’s attention.

“Umbra.” The princess stood up and approached him, taking the diary from his collar and quickly opening it at the right page.

– I received the blessing. Thank you, Luna –

Luna sighed in relief, smiling. Having news from Noctis in times like these was an oasis in a desolate desert.

Nyx leaned on, resting the elbows on his knees and looking at her to read her reactions. “What did he say?” he asked, curious to see what made her so happy after a whole day of bad mood.

“Noctis received the Archaean’s blessing.”

“Good. As we read between the lines of the newspaper.”

Luna nodded. “Yes. Our efforts were not in vain.”

At first, Nyx felt a little cramp at the stomach in seeing that the prince was able to steal such a blissful smile from her with only a written phrase, but in the end, seeing her in a good mood again was more important that his slightly wounded pride.

“You’re doing a good job, Princess. I told you that before.”

“You’re doing too–!” she raised her face and found him closer than she expected, which made her almost die for an heart attack. She jumped on her feet and walked into the tent, Umbra following her from a very close distance.

“Wait!” Nyx screamed, standing up and opening his arms in frustration. “Wait, Princess, what …?”

Stupidly enough, Luna stopped as he asked. There was absolutely no reason to not ignore him and yet, there she was, petrified at the tent’s entrance. Nyx really needed explanations now so he took advantage of the brief moment he had and asked: “Did Ramuh did something to you? Or is it because something i did? Why are you acting like that?”

“It’s nothing, you were just too close.”

“Too close?” he asked, squeezing his eyes in surprise.

“Yes. The proximity is totally improper for us.” Now Nyx was really shocked.

“In Insomnia I saved you multiple times making shield with my own body on yours, you healed me twice putting you forehead on mine, we slept in the same room, I carried you in my arms when you fainted and took you to the motel, and now you came out with the idea that our proximity is improper? You didn’t complain last time I checked.”

“What… No!” Luna opened her mouth to reply but now that he listed it, she had to admit they really had been so close so many times that her excuse could be considered a proper nonsense. “That was … before!”

Nyx stepped ahead, again with his arms open, to show that for him the proximity really wasn’t a problem. “Before what?”

Luna putted a hand on his chest to keep him distant, but that only got him closer. “Before the dream!” Her voice started to sound louder.

“You mean you’re being hostile over a dream?”

Luna swallowed hard without looking him in the eyes, brimming with tears. “Sir Nyx, please, don’t…”

“Oh,cut it with this Sir Nyx crap and ‘keep the distance’ order! What kind of dream could turn you against me, after all we’ve been through?”

“What if I don’t want to tell you?”

“What if you start being honest with me, Princess? Would that be too much to ask?”

“What if it was a dirty dream about you and I really found it too embarrassing to admit?” Luna screamed in the end, blushing even more, feeling her heart beating so loud she was scared he would hear it.

Nyx froze on place, squeezed his eyes and opened his mouth in shock. “O-oh” he stuttered after 30 seconds of pure silence, interrupted only by the delicate sound of Umbra whimpering. The dog looked like the only one really at ease with the whole situation. “I see. Well, that… would explain a lot.”

Luna wanted to cry and dig her own grave, but she didn’t realize she actually started to do it. Her eyelashes were wet with tears and a cool breeze hit her burning face.

Seeing that made Nyx feel even worse. “I think I… should sleep on the chair.” He didn’t expect anything similar and simply didn’t know how to react in such a situation. He cursed himself for pushing her to confess, he was such a jerk, as always.

That legitimately was the most embarrassing situation he ever deal with. Luna hid the face in her hands and turned away, entering in the tent with only Umbra, and there she stayed the whole night.

They both didn’t sleep a lot, because there was so many things to think of. They were dealing with new feelings that shouldn’t have been there in the first place, and yet they were, even if they didn’t know until that very moment. The consistency of those feelings was weird as well: they were exciting and pleasant, but also scaring and terribly inappropriate, full of hopes and totally hopeless. They both tried to ignore them and when they couldn’t, they just suffocated them under layers of sense of duty and responsibilities.

Luna woke up in the tent, realizing that Umbra slept alongside with her, maybe understanding that she couldn’t be left alone now. The Oracle found relief only when she hugged him, pulling him closer. His fur and his warm body gave her the comfort she needed, making her realize that in the end, no matter what that dream was about, it didn’t matter. Her destiny was settled, her goal was clear.

She quickly took the diary and wrote few sentences back to Noctis. She probably cried during her sleep, but now she felt better and her mind was clearer.

“Here, take the message to Noctis. And please, send Pryna to Tenaebrae. I need her there,” she whispered, caressing the dog’s fur. Umbra hammed and ran out of the tent, disappearing pretty fast into the forest. Luna stood up and arranged her hair so she would look presentable. She then took a deep breath and stepped out of the tent.

Of course, Nyx was there. He was making some push-ups but immediately stopped when he noticed her. The dark circles under his eyes showed he didn’t sleep right and the sweat on his forehead proved that he was exercising for hours already.

They looked each other in the eyes for a long time before the Glaive slyly muttered, “… 'Morning.”

Luna nodded, but there was a strength in her eyes it wasn’t there the day before. She got closer to the small fridge they brought with them and chose a little bottle of milk and some cookies as breakfast. Nyx stood still for all the process, watching her as he caught his breath, trying to understand her mood.

“Princess…” He started, feeling uncomfortable because of that weird silence.

“I don’t want to talk about yesterday.” Luna calmly gestured at him, keeping her focus on breakfast.

Nyx nodded and tried to act normal, start preparing for departure. He disassembled the tent and the grill, packing things in the car. Thanks to haven, the operation took a lot of energy out of him so he could avoid to mess his thoughts around more than he already had.

When he finished, he realized that he smelled gross and that he really needed to have a shower and change his clothes. “I–” He pointed to something in the distance. “I have to clean myself, so I should…”

“Just go, Nyx,” she answered, trying to look as much detached as possible. “I won’t peek.”

Nyx noticed her coldness and was somehow annoyed by it. All that was unfair since he wasn’t the one having dirty dreams about her. Why should he have been the one to look embarrassed now?

If she could act detached, he could act sarcastic: “I just wanted to warn you since you couldn’t put a lid on those hot and heavy dreams of yours.” He said, flexed his back and shoulders.

The cup almost fell from Luna’s hands as she turned around to glance at him with outraged eyes. But Nyx was kind of satisfied by her reaction and simply walked away, smiling and raising his eyebrows.

They arrived at Galdin Quay for lunch, keeping the distance from one another, a one-sided effort on the Princess Oracle’s part. Nyx parked the car near the gas station, under a canopy and after he filled the tank, he looked at the princess getting out of the car and walking away.

“What now?” he asked, but he got no answer. He sighed, hating that day already.

Lunafreya stepped ahead under the burning sun of this place. It was the first time she got there but it was exactly like she read in the tourist books: blue sea, white sand, palms coming out of the water, mountain hills in the distance, the wooden path which connected the beach to the restaurant. It was beautiful and relaxing and she stared at it for one minute before to move on. She knew exactly what she was looking for, but she didn’t know where to find it.

She went for the restaurant and Nyx didn’t have other choice but follow her. They walked under the burning sun until a waiter approached them with a cheerful: “Welcome to Galdin Quay!”

Luna looked at him surprised by the merry atmosphere, confused by the noises of the laughters and the clients asking for drinks. Somehow, she couldn’t accept that place was such a golden oasis of peace when Crown City was destroyed just the week before.

They went onward until they reached the counter. There it was a young man, clearly trying to flirt with the nice cook with very little success. He was saying something like: “Let me love you like the 'bellissima donna’ you really are” but his accent was so weird and his style so exaggerated, that Luna found it embarrassing.

Nyx snorted into a laugh, shaking his head in sign of pity: “If I flirted with you like that in your dream, you’re right to be upset with me.” He commented in a whisper, getting close enough so only Luna could hear that.

“You did not …!” she replied in an hurry, her cheeks on fire, eyes widening.

She stopped halfway in her sentence but Nyx seemed genuinely curios and waited for her to continue: “Yes, tell me more, Princess. What exactly did we do in your 'dirty dream’?”

“…Shut up.” She tried to regain her composure but it was hard with him so close.

“I can’t really imagine what Miss Purity Of Mind And Soul can define as 'dirty’. Was there at least a kiss?”

“Stop now.”

“Okay, so it was at least a kiss. But why are you so testy? Was it that bad?”

“Nyx, I said I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s concentrate on things that are really important.”

Nyx raised an eyebrow and murmured: “Not bad at all, right?” Nyx should have thank Shiva, Titan, Ramuh and all the other deities of Eos because Lunafreya didn’t hear him, since she was already approaching the cook, giving her a break from those terrible flirting attempts.

“Excuse me, can I bother you for a moment?”

The woman really looked relieved and gladly listened to Luna.

“Of course! My name is Coctura, how can I help you?”

“I’m looking for a ship to sail. Do you know to who should I talk to buy tickets?”

“It’s not your lucky break. Since the fall of Insomnia, the travel routes have been blocked and ships won’t be sailing any time soon.”

“What if I want to go home?”

Nyx was listening from the distance, but hearing the princess talking like that, he got closer.

“Home where?”

“I need a ride to Tenebrae.”

All of a sudden, the strange philanderer blustered in a laugh, capturing everyone’s attention.“What is the former Princess of Tenebrae looking back home when she’s supposed to meet her groom-to-be in Altissia?” he asked in a mocking tone, leaning on the counter.

“Yeah, I would like to know that, too,” Nyx said, crossing his arms in surprise. Then he realized that the weird man recognized her and suddenly boggled. “Hey! You…!”

The man introduced himself with an irreverent bow. “Name’s Dino and I’m a reporter. The lady’s too famous for not being recognized by the masses. Funny how I spotted you just like that.”

Coctura looked at Lunafreya and placed her hands on her mouth. “Lady Lunafreya!”

Luna quickly invited her to lower her voice and then nodded. “Yes, it’s me. Can you please try to not draw too much attention to us?”

Coctura was so excited she could barely whisper. “Of course, your Highness. I won’t tell a soul.”

Dino didn’t seem to have the same opinion. “I guess this is the part where you ‘fess up your intentions then. Planning on leaving Prince Noctis at the altar?”

“Why do you care?” Nyx asked, quickly defensive on the princess. Luna instinctively putted a hand on his arm, not to shut him up but at least to let him know she still had the situation under control. Nyx immediately regained his coolness.

Dino raised his hands in the air. “Hey, relax, buddy! I know quite a few things and I can’t stop this burning curiosity of mine, you see. On that note, who are you? Let me guess. Little braids, tattoos on the face, muscled body – it looks like the Princess Oracle has picked herself up a bodyguard from Galahd. But that place almost got wiped off the map, didn’t it?”

Nyx grinned and there was nothing friendly behind it, intolerance might be the better phrase. He didn’t like that guy already and looked at Luna to understand how she wanted him to behave in that situation.

Luna shook her head. “Let him be. I trust he won’t tell the Empire about us.”

Dino didn’t miss her presumptuous glance but he didn’t miss other details either. “No, I don’t have any interest in revealing your whereabouts to the Empire. Whoever liked them anyway? But you see, in these difficult times I’m not concentrating my efforts only on journalism, and maybe that’s why I’m giving youse guys a break.”

Luna and Nyx were confused by the line of talk, not understanding what Dino was trying to say, so they both frowned and waited for him to continue. He was watching at them like a dealer examining fine pieces of art. “So, what happened between you two?” he asked in the end, joining his hands on the counter and suddenly trying to look very professional.

Luna and Nyx opened their eyes in shock and expressed their disbelief simultaneously: “What?”

Dino chuckled and pointed at them with one finger. “Exactly what I said. I have a special eye for precious gemstones and… not just literally but metaphorically, too. And you guys, wow. What a rare beauty. What a polish.”

“Oh, for Stars’ sake…” Luna murmured, squeezing her eyes and then wide opening them.

Nyx took the princess’s arm and tried to lead her away. “We’re wasting our time here, Princess. We better go.”

“You’re too easy! C'mon, guys, not even the struck blind and dumb can’t ignore the tension between you, I’m just calling it like I see it. But if you’re willing to tell me more, I can find you a way to Tenebrae.” This made both Luna and Nyx froze on mid-step for a lot of reasons. Dino raised his eyebrows and opened his arms. “I may be your only chance, actually.”

“You said you’re a reporter…” Luna said, narrowing her eyes.

“And a gemstones collector. And a ritzy jeweler. I also like big boats.”

“How is a jeweler supposed to find us passage to Tenebrae?”

“I told you. There are a lot of gems of different cuts and sizes. I have my ways.” Dino patted on the chair next to him. “So, Your Highness and her brawny bodyguard, have a seat and let’s chat.”

Luna and Nyx shared a worried look, they didn’t have a lot of choice. Luna sat on the chair first and Nyx couldn’t leave her alone.

Dino seemed pretty excited from the result he obtained. He took out a recorder and placed it on the table. Coctura clapped her hands and excitedly announced: “I’ll bring some refreshments.”

“Let’s start from the beginning. Did you meet in Insomnia? During the attack? And what got you to stay together?” Dino asked.

“Is that what you want? An interview? I already submitted a statement to Vyv, another journalist.”

Dino waved his hand like he wanted to chase away the thought of it. “Yeah, I heard that one. But Vyv is very different, he just wants good articles and good photos, everything very accurate and professional. I prefer gossip. The juicier, the better.”

“Then we are very sorry to disappoint you. We have nothing to say for lucative tabloids and we care that you do not publish such.”

“Publish? Who said I want to publish anything? I’m recording for my own pleasure. Mamma mia ragazzi, you didn’t listen to a word I said before, right? I’m a gemstones collector. I collect things and only occasionally sell them for the public. Real honest work here. Prince Noctis will bring me real gems to make my jewelry business soar but you… You will give me something different. Something much worth my time.”

“Prince Noctis?” Luna asked, surprised. “You met him? He was here?”

“Yeah, he was here and he’ll be back soon. Do you want to wait for him here? You could leave for Altissia together.” While Dino asked the question, Nyx was curious about the answer in the same way. He actually wondered multiple times why the princess didn’t want to look for the prince, instead of going on her own separate journey to wake up the Six.

“No, we were promised to meet in Altissia.”

“Yet you’re going to Tenebrae,” Dino insinuated. “Runnaway bride, much?”

“Only for a short while. I want to see my home again, once more before… everything will happen in Altissia. I may not get another chance.”

Dino frowned and looked at Nyx, in a very sad way. “Your last piece of journey alone.”

“Excuse me?” Nyx growled.

“You know what, guys? The Princess and the Guardian has always been one of my favorite tropes. I mean, I’m sorry for Prince Noctis but now that I see you in person I–”

“Listen, can you really guarantee us a ride to Tenebrae or not?” Nyx was really starting to get annoyed and his face showed it entirely.

Dino sighed and made a grimace, taking out from his jacket a cell phone and showing it to them. “I only have to make one call” he answered, pushing the green button and actually making that 'one call’.

After that, he explained them that a ship would have come from Tenebrae the next day, transporting goods and stuff. Since all the trades were closed by the Empire, that ship may or not may be legal but at least that would have permit them to go to Tenebrae unnoticed.

“You want us to sail on a pirate ship?” Luna asked, stunned.

“Oh no. You want to go to Tenebrae and I said that the only way is through a pirate ship. So now that I assured you a safe travel to your homeland, can we continue the interview or not?”

But Luna smiled in a mischievous yet detached way, something that nobody would have ever think she was actually capable of doing. “Well… No.”

Dino shrugged. “I’ll have to report your presence to the Empire then.”

“Of course, I invite you to try. But as you know, my brother has been proclaimed High Commander recently, I’m certain he will help us out somehow. Instead I wonder who will release you out of prison if I confess your involvement in illegal trades with pirates and almost placed me, the Oracle of Eos, in great peril.”

Dino froze and almost didn’t notice when Coctura came back with the cocktails.

“Here, Lady Lunafreya, hope you’ll like it!”

Luna and Dino were still watching themselves in the eyes, one strong and satisfied, the other shocked.

After a moment, Dino took a glass and raised it, looking at Nyx and bursting into laughter: “Good luck with this smart-mouthed royalty, buddy. You’re gonna need it.”

#lunyx #final fantasy xv #lunafreya nox fleuret #nyx ulric #kingsglaive #see luna safe to altissia #fan fiction #lunyx fics #obina writes and this is weird

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proven-paradox · 6 years ago

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Rosa’s Campaign Journal, Session 0

((Why yes, I still exist. I’ve recently gotten into a new DnD campaign playing a Knowledge Cleric who keeps a journal in character. This is a new character so I’ve decided I’m going to actually write that journal as a campaign journal here. The following is the record of my solo introduction session.))

Month of the Tempest 27, 23 P.C.

This morning I intended to go to Swift Solutions to get a task ticket immediately, but I was delayed by the priests posted here full time. The locals perform a fairly elaborate graveyard ritual in Passing and “requested” I assist in weaving a tapestry for the occasion. The ritual is less than a month away and apparently they are dreadfully behind on preparations.

I learned today that I am a terrible weaver. Valuable information, but not to the liking of the, let's diplomatically call them “conservative” local priestesses. After a few hours struggling with the thread they realized they'd move faster without me. One of the older nuns gave me an asinine dressing down about how a proper woman should know how to weave before I was dismissed. I considered pointing out that I can mend tears with a cantrip but I chose to let her expel her hot air. There is little hope for many of these bumpkins. I will save my effort for those who merit it.

The tapestry itself was a very pretty piece of work. I genuinely hope the damage I did to it is hidden. That said, they burn it as part of the ritual. With any luck I’ll be able to move on from here before that happens; watching that work go up in flames for the sake of tradition and superstition would be difficult.

I finally freed myself to get to Swift Solutions. Apparently several tickets were posted today, but by the time I got there all that remained were dregs. One ticket to test an inventor's combat machine, one to deal with a pair of hyenas getting into a farmer's livestock. All the possibilities afforded by mechanics and magic, and an inventor chooses to make another weapon. The lack of imagination depresses me. I decided to deal with the hyenas instead--if the creatures were invading farmland, they were losing their fear of humanoids. Chickens now, but how long until they take people’s pets? Their children? This was clearly the more pressing matter. (It helped that it payed better, truth told.) I was initially in a foul mood about the ticket, as I do not count combat as my greatest strength. Fortunately, that initial concern was misguided.

I met with the farmer who posted the ticket, an old human named Willson Ash. Meeting the man, I immediately admired his fortitude; he looked to be in his seventies, yet there he was in his field, still working hard. He described the situation, that a pair of hyenas separated from their pack had emerged from a thicket and killed many of his chickens. He remarked how odd it was that he was targeted first when there was another farm next door, also with a coop, much closer to the thicket. I was immediately suspicious. He said one of the farmhands from that nearby farm had seen the hyenas wandering in and out.

Inspecting the coop provided little information to work with; it seemed a perfectly normal animal attack to me. There were tracks, but I couldn't follow them far. I chose instead to focus on the witness. Next door I met a gnome man named Wren Fizzleplenty--I do appreciate a good, whimsical gnomish name. He told me that his son Glim saw the beasts and that I should talk to them. He warned me that his two sons were troublemakers though. Apparently the older son, Dimble, was the dominant one, and the two were likely at the tavern wasting their time. Worth noting, at the time it wasn't even noon. Apparently these two start drowning their senses very early.

I headed to the The Chatty Leopard Tavern, stopping at the general store to purchase a cheap bit of smoking weed to use as a bribe for the duo on the way. I found them deep in their cups, and noted that the pair were smoking tobacco outside of the designated smoking area--assholes. I enlisted the assistance of the barkeep--Westfield-- and a waitress, I think her name is Luna. I hoped to separate them while they were shuffling out of their seats. I didn't hear the full conversation but eventually the waitress ended up slapping Dimble and expelling the duo from the tavern entirely. Not the plan, but sufficient. I must remember to give Luna a generous tip as thanks next time I see her.

As the pair were exiting, I got Glim's attention, saying it would only take a moment. Thankfully Dimble either didn't notice or didn't care, exiting the tavern and allowing me to talk to the younger sibling alone. His first story fell apart immediately; I had been to his home and observed that he would not have been able to see the beasts entering the thicket under cover of darkness unless he were actually out in the fields at the time. After some prodding, intimidation, and eventually promising the joint in return, he relented and told the truth; that he and his brother had killed and skinned a pair of starving hyenas months before and used their skins as cover to kill Ash's chickens themselves. As far as I could tell their motive was pure spite; Dimble apparently saw them as competition for his family farm and--pointedly, instead of actually working himself--decided to attack them.

Glim struck me as a complete pushover. I rather doubt he'd had an independent thought for a long time, he was so utterly dominated by his elder brother. I saw hope for redemption in the pathetic gnome, so I decided to usher him to confess the crime himself. It would have been much easier to go into the woods and find the hyena skins out there after Glim told me where they were hidden, but I wanted to make sure he admitted the crime so his punishment would be less harsh--as well as get him away from Dimble.

As we exited the tavern, Dimble confronted me, demanding to know what took so long. I told him forthright that I knew what they'd done, and that I was taking Glim to explain what had happened to the farmers. Dimble moved to pull Glim away from me, but I stood between the two and wouldn't pass. He started making threats, which I answered with proof that I am an able spellcaster and could defend myself. There was a moment where I was expecting him to strike at me, but it passed. The little fool was a coward, all talk. After I told him as much, I walked away with Glim while he deflated like a pricked balloon.

I spoke to the pair's father first. I question how he'd let them get so out of hand without intervention, but I don't know the full details of this family's dealings. Perhaps this was a marked escalation in their delinquency. Regardless, Wren was suitably aghast at his son's behavior. The three of us went to Ash and explained. After getting my ticket signed they asked what I thought should happen. I recommended that Glim be put to work on Ash's farm to repay him for the slain livestock, while Dimble be shut in the town jail for as long as they could possibly keep him there. The two agreed immediately.

I do not think jail will actually move Dimble to change his ways. I worry that, if he meets the wrong people in the jail, he may only escalate to actual criminal behavior. Hopefully that worry is ill-founded; how many people does a small town like this actually incarcerate? Still, I don't know how to actually handle Dimble; he seems rotten to the core. Hopefully the time they are separated will be long enough for Glim to develop a backbone.

Overall, I'm pleased with the result. A successful task grants the credibility I need to move to bigger things; healers are in high demand so with this success behind me I expect I can find my way into a troupe quickly. Perhaps as soon as tomorrow; the secretary at Swift Solutions mentioned a larger job on the horizon and that a group of other adventurers would be gathering there tomorrow to discuss it. I intend to take this opportunity.

The temptation to use a few coins from the reward money on some pipeweed for myself is significant, but I need to save coins for now. I intend to purchase a focus for the Identify spell soon, so I can offer that service to any troupe I end up with. That is normally a wizard's work, but if I can offer both healing and identification I suspect I will be in quite high demand. I will save up, and after I've purchased that I will seek out something with a higher quality and vacate my body for a time.

Month of the Tempest 28, 23 P.C.

Had a strange dream, felt need to record it. Was on an old ship at sea, observing a woman in an elaborate red hood cradling a baby. She walked on deck, which was shrouded in fog. Even through this fog I could see a large city nearby. I heard a man indicate they were landing in Dawnroad soon.

This dream felt… foreign, almost, like it wasn’t supposed to be mine. I don’t remember anything like this happening, and I was in third person so I couldn’t have been the baby. Presuming dreams make sense, which, point taken. Still, I don’t normally remember my dreams with this sort of clarity. Very strange. It probably means nothing, but I felt the need to record it immediately all the same.

#DnD 5e #Rosa Campaign Journal

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jamesandangelina · 8 years ago

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“Here, take one of these, just in case the night takes a turn for the worst.” Angelina said, handing a small round item that looked much like an ordinary candy to Alicia. “You don’t think they’d realize if we used them?” her teammate and best friend inquired of the item in question. It was in fact a dose of Fred and George’s latest batch of fever fudge, only a few were even aware of its existence, Angelina and Alicia being two of them. “Like I said, it’s just a precautionary measure, plus I’m not entirely sure exactly how safe they are, Fred put himself in the infirmary for a week on a test from their last go at it,” she replied before putting one of the candies into her own clutch bag. It was that event that caused Angelina to question what Fred and George were up to and when she gave them the 5th degree for the entire week they finally brought her in on their project when Fred was well enough to leave the infirmary.

“Ladies,” Fred and George said in unison to the two girls as they made their way down the winding staircase from the dormitories and into the Gryffindor common room. Each of them had wide grins plastered on their faces, and Angelina laughed a little as Fred took her hand and kissed the back of it lightly, “You look beautiful, Angelina,” he said as he stood back up, her cheeks warming to his compliment. She had to admit she was stunned when he’d asked her to the Yule Ball just a week before had, George had asked Alicia early on so the nerves of having to go solo crept up quickly. As Ron had put it less than eloquently it was okay for a bloke to go alone, but for a girl it was just sad. And as that statement made its way into her head the four of them passed Ron on the way to the great hall, which was quickly filling with students. He looked like the worst sort of tea cozy ever made, Fred and George poked fun at him as always, puckering up kisses at him and saying how their great aunt Tessy would be so proud.

She had to admit as the night and the ball drew on Fred was making a much better date than she had anticipated, he’d actually been practicing his dancing skills and when they got the chance to go all out he literally took her breath away, spinning her in a dizzying amount of circles across the dance floor. She laughed as yet for what felt like the hundredth time that night he spinned her into someone else on the dance floor, “watch it!” she heard someone yell in a thick accent as she took his hand and they changed directions. When she finally felt dizzy enough the two retreated from the dance floor, finding George against the wall waiting for Alicia to return from the restroom. “How many people did you take out with those moves Freddy?” George asked with a smirk across his face, “Just enough,” Fred replied and Angelina laughed again, but that quickly changed as she saw that devilish smirk and poof of dirty blond hair coming their way. “Oy, Angelina,” Fred whispered as he nudged her with his elbow on her side, “we’ll leave you two alone,” and she looked up to her much taller mate with a glare of hate in her eyes, god they never let anything go.

That “anything” for her in this moment was when her less than favorite person in the world, James Barsdley, had made a show of kissing her in front of the entire school the year before. She glared at him as she always did, folding her arms over her chest, wanting to tear that stupid grin from his face. He knew all the ways to get under her skin and all she could do was roll her eyes as he requested a dance out of her, knowing full well that Fred would let him steal her away from the rest of the night, just for his own pure amusement, “Uhg, fine, just don’t step on my feet.” When he put his hand to her waist, she jumped backed merely out of fright, because really, there they were again, in the great hall together and he was much closer to her than she preferred. When he questioned her about the night and they delved further onto the dance floor she couldn’t even look at him as she responded, “Yea, I guess it’s alright.” In reality she had been enjoying herself up until that moment, he just irked her in so many ways possible but she’d have to make due, she was stuck with him at least until the end of the song. “So just out of general curiosity, why is it that your date is dancing with Longbottom? Didn’t have enough charm to even hold onto Looney Lovegood for an entire night?” _________________ From: Ravenclaw's Chaser Date: 03-02-2014 18:04:08 This was going to be a long morning. The girls in the Ravenclaw common room were practically squealing as they saw one and another. James sat on the couch reading the article on Harry Potter in the Daily Prophet, only have listening to the conversations around him. "Did you hear about Cho?! Cedric Diggory asked her to the Yule Ball!" A small snort came out of him as he turned the page, the two third years glanced over at him. "Hermione Granger was asked by Viktor Krum! I would've never guessed that!" His voice was in a rather mocking tone, making the two girls roll their eyes as they left the room. He had enough of this, the Yule Ball was nothing to him. The plan was, go just to go...that was all. The night had very little importance to him. He was shocked that a few women from different houses had the guts to ask if he was going. All of them, disappointed when he announced with a group of friends. Cho had entered the room with Padma Patil by her side, "Your the luckiest girl in Hogwarts, Cho!" The Asian just blushed as she smiled, knowing she very well was. James had set down the Daily Prophet, Almost feeling sick to his stomach as their eyes met. "Whose the lucky girl, Bardsley?" She asked in a playful tone. His throat felt dry as he tried to swallow, making him frown some. "Nobody caught my fancy this year honestly... I plan on going with some friends tonight." He nodded, standing up on his feet so he could excuse himself to the Great Hall. Luna Lovegood had sat by herself, once again. Quibbler at hand with some pumpkin juice in the other. James smiled as he took a seat next to her, stealing the paper from her hands to read. "You could've just asked..." She spoke, her voice always sounding magical to him. "Luna... do you have plans for the night?" The blonde blinked a few times as she tried to guess what he was implying. "I do...but are you?" James quickly interrupted her, answering her question "Will you go to the ball with me?" The plan was, the two go and dance for a few songs. Luna seemed thrilled that she had someone to even do that with. Apparently she wanted to go with Neville Longbottom yet was sadden when Ginny Weasley was already asked. The idea was, James was going to make him jealous; which didn't mind him...he just wanted someone to go with now. It was almost time, everyone was locked up trying to get ready fast. James had worn something rather simple... A black set of dress robes with a white dress shirt. Of course he had to compliment blue in the tie, which was something his friends had decided to show their Ravenclaw Pride. His dirty blonde hair, a tangled mess always was brushed out some. He looked at his reflection, smirking as he tightened up his tie. Finally after this night, it'd all be over. "My my! Aren't you a sight aye Weasel?!" James' voice boomed practically from the walls as he got his first sight of Ron Weasely. The ginger had an outfit to match his hair it looked. Laces, ribbons all over the place, just unflattering all together. Harry tried to hold back his laughter, covering his mouth with his sleeve as Ron rolled his eyes. "Knock it off! It belonged to my Great Aunt Tessy!" Just to annoy the man even more, he took a wiff of it and made a face "smells like her, too!" He grinned, feeling somewhat bad for him but hey.... Gotta poke fun at somebody. Just then a faint sound of a woman clearing her throat while tapping at his shoulders caused him to turn around. Luna had worn a light teal dress, her curly blonde hair pulled up in a rather messy ponytail. Her choice in jewelry was off to him, it almost looked like some nargols were hanging off of her ears. James smiled, bowing to his date before extending his hand to her. "Later gentlemen." He told the two, linking his arm around hers as he led her out. "James you look rather dashing tonight!" Luna had told him, feeling anxious that she was actually going with somebody to the Ball. James smiled down at her and nodded, "I try, nothing but the best for my lovely date!" The word made her cheeks turn a bright pink, making her seem more adorable then she already was. The two watched as the Triwizard Champions danced, his eyes mainly on Cedric and Cho. "You still have feelings, don't you?" She asked, making him nod at the question. That was all he could say, yes. Luna seemed to push him out to the floor right after Neville and Ginny did. James followed, grinning as the two danced rather close to the other couple. She was light to pick up, in sync with the rest of the school he moved his date off the ground as it made her giggle. James just laughed with her as they continued to dance. The jealously thing was working, Longbottom was surprised Luna was asked by Ravenclaw's Chaser. It didn't take long for him to practically beg her for a dance. James secretly winked at Luna, giving her hand to Neville's and bowing before walking away from the dance floor. Dance after dance, he watched them. Cedric and Cho seemed to be having a good time. He was practically sulking in his pumpkin juice. Same could be said for Weasley and Potter, the two looked down right sad. The Patil twins could've had better, he felt bad for them. Finally he got up, deciding he wouldn't let this night go to Hell like he originally intended. Angelina Johnson was sandwiched between the Weasley twins. He made his way over to them, giving them both a handshake. "Having fun, Bardsley? Noticed you were with Looney Lovegood earlier!" James just smiled and shrugged "She's a nice person once you get to know her..." His eyes flickered to her and Neville, making him smile more "Just wanted to help a friend out." Ang seemed to have this look of disgust on her face, making him smirk as his enemy on the field didn't care much for his existence. "Johnson, it would be my honor... If of course your date would allow... To share one dance with you." Fred and George seemed to other plans for the night, which included pestering both little brother and sister. So they left with a quick goodbye, leaving him alone with Ang. Without one word he placed his right hand on her waist and started to dance with her. "Such a nice night.,,, wouldn't you agree?"

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