#also a fic involving simón without a simbeanie burn is just not good you feel me

[smolfangirl]

Lost Then Found

Chapter 6: Love me or leave me

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5

So, this is it, the end. The final chapter of LTF. I spent a lof of time on it, making sure it is perfect and something I am incredibly proud of and in the way it somehow ended up being 6.3k words long. (Whoops.) I want to thank @sky-girls for being always there for me and for helping me more times than I could possibly remember. This chapter is for you, muffin! (Also I hope you will still talk to me after the ending)

“Solo espero no sea tarde para seguir al corazón.”

“Simón, hurry up, I need to talk to you!”

Luna banged against the door. Her knuckles were turning white, but she didn’t care. Open, open, open, please, I need you. She repeated it like a mantra, whispered those words to herself until the fire in her lungs slowly burned out. The mantra kept her from crying. From shattering and losing it. She had been too close to the edge for more than two hours now. Since Matteo left her alone on the rink, a million thoughts raced through her head. Open questions. Explanations for what had happened right there. Scenarios of a future she didn’t want. So many feelings as well. Too many. It was a mess, she was a mess. In no way could she bear this on her own any longer. Open, please.

Finally, her best friend showed up behind the door. He wore his favorite beanie on his hair and a grin on his lips: “Luna, hey! What a surprise!”

“Are you alone?” To her own surprise, her voice sounded much stronger than she felt. “Yeah”, Simón answered, “Pedro’s out with Delfi and Nico went to town. Hopefully to get a new haircut.” He got suspicious when Luna didn’t even raise an eyebrow at his joke. “Are you alright?”

She shook her head. Her feet lead her to the couch where she fell face down into the cushions. Simón watched her speechless. “I think I screwed up”, she bawled after a minute of silence.

Now he remembered. “Oh, yeah. That. Well, figuring from how loud you argued, I kinda assumed that.” Immediately, he caught all of her attention. “Wait, what? You mean you… you heard it?” A grin slipped on his face. He knew it shouldn’t amuse him, so he tried to hold it back: “I think the whole Jam&Roller heard it. I mean, you really gave him a lecture there. We were pretty surprised you could turn into a volcano.”

Luna groaned and pressed her face deeper into the pillow. “It’s not funny!” She didn’t feel like a volcano. If anything, she was both the lava and the people buried underneath. “Hey, I’m sorry. But seriously, what made you go off like that? Though I’m not saying he didn’t deserve it.”

“I don’t know”, Luna sighed. “I don’t know anything except that I need your help. Simón, please, I’m not joking, I wasn’t this confused about the whole Sol thing and it’s not right, I… I wish I could understand but I don’t know what to do next or even how to ever look at him again.” Patting her shoulder, her best friend cowered in front of her. “Okay, I will help you, but you should relax a bit first. Take a deep breath. Yes, and another one.”

It worked.

Well, until Matteo’s face appeared in front of her and reminded her of the hurt written all over his face. His lost smile. The missing spark in his eyes. His words. I did miss you. I still do. And I will. Her chest tightened all over again.  

“Eh, what do you mean?”, Simón continued, “You don’t know how to look at him again? What did he do?” Luna lifted her head. Seeing the tears in her eyes, he gasped. “What did I miss? What did you do?” A small sob escaped her mouth. “I, I might have been wrong all the time and there’s a chance he didn’t deserve me yelling at him?”

“Wait, what?” He struggled to process this new information. After all, it was Matteo’s fault that Luna had been a shadow of herself over the last twelve months. He had noticed how she tried to cover up, to act as if everything was perfectly fine. Normal. But the light in her eyes undeniably used to shine brighter. Luna had every right to lash out at Balsano. So why did she regret it now? Why didn’t it relieve but hurt her more? He couldn’t imagine.

The shrilling sound of the bell interrupted them. First, Simón ignored it. After it rang for a second and a painful long third time he got up. Luna felt grateful for the time to think of an explanation. One that went beyond “He said he cared for me and I’m still mad but I also want to run into his arms”. She didn’t find one. But by the time she looked up again, she found Ámbar. Next to Simón, with his arm casually wrapped around her shoulder. She imagined Matteo holding her close like that. No, let it go. “Hi Lunita!”

“Hey, what are…”

“Why were you late today?”

It took Luna a second to recall Ámbar didn’t mean to be harsh. Anymore. “I was working on my biology assignment and somehow I had forgotten there was training today.” The blonde snorted. “Why am I not surprised this happened?” However, the smirk on her mouth gave her away. “Anyway, it’s not that important. What I’m more interested in, did you and Matteo at least talk when he picked you up? Or was that just screaming too?” Luna’s eyes widened, alarmed. It hadn’t been a joke. Everyone knew. She was so screwed.

Simón squeezed his girlfriend’s shoulder. “Come on, angel, lighten up. What’s this, an interrogation?” Ámbar rolled her eyes. “No, it’s not. But I just wanted to help and it’s unbelievable they apparently didn’t even take that chance when it would have been just perfect. It’s getting too pathetic to watch.” Another eye roll when Simón and Luna simultaneously gave her a confused look. “What are you talking about?”, Luna inquired.

“Lunita, please. Why else do you think it was Matteo who picked you up? I could have just called Tino and tell him to drive you. But no, instead I was trying to be helpful for once.” On a rational level, Luna understood Ámbar meant well. How could she know all hope was lost for Matteo and her? Still: “But why? Why would that help? In which way?”

“Luna’s right”, Simón argued. “And it’s not on us, if they wanted to talk, they would have already. And when Luna doesn’t want to, you shouldn’t put her into a situation like that.”

His girlfriend groaned. “Seriously, I don’t get it. You are both unhappy. Miserable, even. What’s the point? Do you think we don’t see it? Why do you both keep pretending otherwise? Even Tamara figured it out!” She sighed: “All I’m saying is, you should talk to him. Talk, not scream. Let him explain. He’s not a bad guy. But okay, in the end, you do you, I won’t interfere again. You two are too complicated anyway.”

“Can we please not talk about him? Or today in general?”, Luna stammered. She sat up, rubbing her neck. This wasn’t going the way she wanted to. Needed it to. She had come here to pour her heart out and get back on her feet, not to start another fight.

Technically, she still wanted to talk about Matteo, about the storm inside her. And if she should give him another chance. If he could be trusted with her heart. But Ámbar’s words hit every open wound and it hurt too much. Luna wasn’t ready to hear this truth yet, to believe it. So, she preferred to push it aside.

Before the silence settled in the room, Simón jumped in: “Well, then why don’t we forget that and watch a movie?” Luna nodded, while Ámbar agreed with her eyebrow still raised.

Soon, Simón and Ámbar snuggled on the couch while the opening scene began. Luna tried to not allow the jealousy creep into her veins. Her friends were happy, so she should be too, right? And if not, at least she should be able to focus on the movie.

Yet, her mind played a film of its own. Memories flooded her head. Some tasted bitter, like the one on the rink when he laughed at her. Maybe about her. Or when he switched teams again to avoid trouble with Ámbar.

Most of them felt like a bubble bath in happiness, however. His hugs. Every time he offered his help right when she needed it the most. Discovering the wings under her feet when he taught her a new step or lift. The butterflies in her stomach that woke up with his smile. Him, constantly making sure she was okay and happy.

Why did it had to end? They could have made it. That’s what she believed anyway until he exchanged her for the Italian sun and her sky missed the stars she used to see around him.

And now he suddenly talked about missing her, about wanting to give her the explanation she so desperately craved. She remembered Ámbar’s words. They were miserable, yes, or she definitely was. Matteo looked the part. Luna gave in and imagined what could happen if she got a reason. An apology, even. If there was a meaning behind her pain, what would change? Everything? Nothing?

These questions kept her mind busy. She left the apartment without knowing as much as the title of the film they had seen.

She needed to learn to move on.

The realization hit her late at night, after she crawled under her blanket and hugged her pillow tight. This crying and being mad and avoiding him had to come to an end. The searching and hoping for a way to turn things around too. She deserved closure, she deserved peace. If she got through the whole drama of being Sol Benson, then she could move on from a boy who made no sense. Right? And what did she had to lose by now anyway? How much worse could it get?

Maybe Ámbar had a point and letting Matteo explain was the right thing to do. Maybe she should give him that chance. Not for him. But for herself. Pushing her blanket away, Luna grabbed her phone. At last, she knew what to do.

Can we talk tomorrow? It’s important, she typed. She read through it, but decided to leave the details for the morning. Her fingers were only shaking slightly when she hit send.

Luna found him sitting in one of the chairs. Throughout the whole school day she had been unable to focus on the classes, fidgeting even more than usual and reliving the fight with Matteo. Hopefully, this would be over soon.

“Hey, thank you so much for taking the time!”

“Come on, you know I always have enough time for my best friend!”, Simón laughed. His eyes scanned her, which she noticed, of course. But she had nothing to hide anymore. Her smile was real, just like the determination she found behind the lump of nervousness in her throat.

“So, what’s this super important thing you need to talk about? Is it about the competition?”

“Well, no, actually it’s not. It’s about Matteo”, she began. Simón frowned. ��So, I thought a lot about what Ámbar said yesterday. She knows him for so long, right? If she says I should talk to him, maybe it’s really time I do. I think I want to too.”

Her best friend shrugged, then chuckled. It sounded nervous, not quite convinced. “Then why don’t you just do it? The Luna I know can do everything she wants.” His smile turned softer and for a moment, Luna truly believed she could make it right this time.

Then she sighed. “I don’t know how to talk to him when he will avoid me even more than before.”

“Can I ask you a question?” Simón fidgeted with the menu card. Confused, she nodded. “I’ve been thinking about yesterday too, about what you told him. Luna, why didn’t you tell me how you felt? We’re best friends, you can always come talk to me if that’s what you need.”

“I’m sorry, Simón. It’s not that I didn’t want to, but, well, I couldn’t. I didn’t plan to say all of this, I didn’t even know that this was inside me. And at some point after he left, I just didn’t want you to worry and there was this whole Sol thing, and what could you have done anyway?”

There was still a frown on his face. “Look, I was just as surprised as you yesterday, but I’m glad I let it out. I had to. But what I really need now, from you, is your help to talk to him. Will you? Help me, I mean?”

Now he eased up. “Yeah. Everything that makes you happy, you know that.”

“Thank you!”

The next day, Luna felt more nervous than ever to go to the Jam&Roller. Her phone in her hands, she walked as fast as her feet carried her. (She felt it in her legs, how her muscles urged her to slow down and moaned because she ignored it) Two more streets, and her breath run short. Simón hadn’t texted her yet, and if he wasn’t texting her, it meant he was busy and talking to Matteo. Hopefully.

Only one more intersection and she’d know. But of course, the red light stopped her and while Luna caught her breath, she considered running over the street. This traffic light usually took ages to jump to green, she didn’t have that time. And there wasn’t any car around. Should she do it?

Luckily, she didn’t need to decide. Within seconds after the green light had mercy and signaled her to run, she stepped into the bar, her heart pounding loud and wild.

Simón wasn’t behind the counter, which looked promising to her as she didn’t see Matteo either. She dropped off her bag, and walked straight to the rink. Nothing but a small taste of doubt in her mouth now. Maybe they were at the lockers?

Again, no hint of the two. Only Pedro who greeted her cheerfully as usual. The worry reached her stomach and she felt unable to return Pedro’s smile. “Have you seen Simón? It’s super important”, she asked him, the words stumbling out of her mouth. “Well, fifteen minutes ago I saw him talking to Matteo by the stage. Have you checked the wardrobe?”

Fifteen minutes ago, they hadn’t planned it like this. Luna prayed she wasn’t too late. “No, I haven’t, thank you!”, she yelled over her shoulder.

Indeed, she found Simón sitting in the wardrobe, lost in thought, strumming his guitar. “Simón! Why are you here? Where’s Matteo?” Startled, her best friend looked up. “Luna, I didn’t expect you so soon!”

“What? The whole plan was about me being here and seriously, where is Matteo? Don’t tell me he already left, please!”

Simón put his guitar aside. By the expression in his eyes, he planned something and Luna wondered if she wanted to know.

“He did. I tried, you need to believe me, but he was so eager to leave, I couldn’t stop him.” She groaned. “However, don’t worry, it won’t happen again”, he added without making her feel better.  “Of course it won’t, because he will keep running from me forever.”

“You give up too fast, Luna. He won’t be able to run from you. Well, not if I tell him I need him to switch shifts with Nico because of a totally made-up emergency. And the best part: he can’t say no since Tamara left me in charge while she’s away. So, give it two days and you’ll get your shot.” He leaned back with a smirk, looking pleased with himself. Luna took a sharp breath. Trying to get to talk to him today had already rubbed her the wrong way, but this? This was a whole new level, one she shouldn’t feel so comfortable stepping on.

“Do you think this is a good idea?”

“Totally, you’ll see, and who knows, in a week you won’t be thinking about him anymore.” The thought of forgetting Matteo failed to reassure her. But this wouldn’t stop her. Not this time, not when Simón had a point and gave her the one chance she needed to move on. Right?

In the end, it was her heart who betrayed her. Dancing in her chest, over these two days it started to whisper that Matteo missed her, for real, and that it wasn’t a dream but a fact. It fully dived into the memories, the craving and pining as if Luna had nothing to lose.

It reminded her of his birthday present as well. Specifically, of the part no one knew about. Not Simón, not Nina, not even her parents. Get it out, it whispered, you hid it long enough. Just take another look. And the memories weren’t alone: all the feelings she had very much tried to bury forever accompanied them.

Luna hated it. This wasn’t fair, at all. Being a teenager shouldn’t be this hard. Love neither.

Time didn’t pass. No matter how hard Luna kept track of it and stared at whatever clock was around, the two days stretched into an eternity. And eternity gave her a lot of possibilities to overthink. Was she ready for the truth and for moving on? Did she have to be ready? (She didn’t feel the part.)

Her friends weren’t any help either. Just mentioning Matteo’s name caused them to interrogate her until she felt like the main suspect in a major crime case until she considered hiding in the bathroom.

Then, she woke up to a text of Simón, “Today!”, and time passed way too quickly during classes. Before Luna settled on a final plan for this conversation, she found herself in front of the Jam&Roller. Okay, she told herself, reaching for the door handle, you can do this. Just wing it. It’ll be fine.

She discovered Simón behind the bar. “Luna, there you are!”, he grinned at her, “Are you ready? Matteo is on the rink, so you can go straight ahead.”

“Thank you”, Luna said and forced a smile, “I’m just gonna put my skates on first.” And something Matteo hopefully saw as a sign she didn’t want to hurt him. But there was no need to rub that in Simón’s face when he’d only be hurt that she kept this a secret from him too. “Then don’t stand around, go, go, go! Good luck!”

Indeed, Luna needed that luck.

Seeing Matteo was enough to cause her chest to tighten until she forgot how to breathe. The last time they’d seen each other popped up in her head like one of these ads on Youtube that you couldn’t skip. Though, if she was being honest with herself, he didn’t look as miserable anymore. Only an unfathomable smile was on his face, nothing that laid bare how he felt. Or maybe it was showing in the details, in things escaping her mind because she had forgotten how to read him.

The second he noticed her, his movements changed. The smile, no matter how real, faded. Matteo slowed down, then turned away from her to watch the other skaters more intensely than was believable. Sighing, she decided she needed more drastic measures to get his attention.

This situation called for solely one thing.

Slowly, Luna once skated around the rink. She waited for his gaze to get stuck on her. A second round, taking up speed. Now. She spun around, well aware she wouldn’t make it if she shifted her weight to her right foot.

The fall came quickly. Matteo however didn’t. He remained on his spot, staring and probably waiting for her to get up. She felt her cheeks heating up. Not that she had a real plan, but things obviously weren’t going well.

Nevertheless, she sent a smile in his direction. Visibly exhaling, he skated over. “Why did I know you’d show up today?” Her eyebrows twitched and she hesitated to answer. “What do you want?”, Matteo went on, “There’s no training for the competition, you know that.”

That’s it, she thought, there had to be a way to bring back the old Matteo, or at least a Matteo she knew how to talk to. One that reminded her of the person she used to be, too. “No comment because I fell? I believe that’s a first.” She got a snort instead of the smirk she aimed for. “Look, I have to work, so if you don’t mind…”

“No, wait!” Luna reached out her hand. “Please.” With every passing second, her heart beat faster. What if she came too late, if he believed every single word her anger had directed at him? If she never got to tell him that right now, she missed their old selves more than she wanted to stay mad. That she wanted to hug him, wanted him to call her chica delivery, to wink at her and convince her to dance with him.

Lastly, Matteo grabbed her hand. His radiated warmth and offered support bittersweet in its familiarity. She focused on that while he pulled her up. Looking in his eyes seemed impossible.

“You only mentioned the card”, he commented to her surprise. Following his gaze, her eyes fixed her laces. More specifically, the silver moon and the strawberry dangling from them next to each other. “What?”

“You never brought them up. Or had them on before. Why now?” At his stinging tone, her voice broke into nothing more than a whisper. “I wanted to talk to you.” Matteo nodded slowly, as if he weighed his every word. “I see”, he began when a girl interrupted them. “Sorry, but you’re the supervisor, right? Could you help me with something, please?”

Immediately, his mouth curled up for this girl, a regular. “Yeah, of course.” Over his shoulder he said to Luna: “You’ll excuse me for a minute.”

Undecided, she stayed on her place frozen like a statue. Did his words mean he’d come back? Or would he go back to ignoring her? Luna had no idea. Her whole world felt shaky and unsteady, all because she couldn’t tell whether he put on a mask for her or for the girl he was helping. How did he continue to be her fixpoint? Her rock.

She watched him. Right now, he explained how to keep the balance while skating on one foot. He made a good teacher, patiently showing and encouraging the girl until it worked. No cheekiness, just kind support, she saw that much from the distance. It shouldn’t surprise her that much, she had seen him like this before, only that it felt like a lifetime ago and it had always been aimed at her.

Now, the same friendliness didn’t last for her. “So, Luna, I have a question for you.”

Had she seriously hoped for anything else except his razor-sharp tone? “If you wanted to talk to me, what did your dear Simón had to do with it? Did you think I wouldn’t notice how he obviously tried to keep me from leaving, just around the time school finishes? Why else would he suddenly be nice to me and ask for my help with a song I couldn’t possibly care less about? And only two days after you yelled at me, possibly loud enough for everyone to hear it? I bet he still laughs about it and thinks I deserve it.”

Yeah, in no way would she tell him they all really knew about their fight. Rather, she went for: “This is not about Simón, Matteo. Please.”

“No, it’s not. But you know, if you wanted to talk to me again, you could have texted me. Ask me, not let beanie boy do all the work because it’s easier for you.” With every word out of his mouth, she shrunk in size. By all means, he was right. “Matteo, I’m sorry, I…”

“Don’t. Whatever it was you wanted to say, spit it out already. What do you want? What do you want to happen, what are you trying to achieve with”, he gestured to her skates and the ground, “All this?”

There wasn’t enough air in here to fill her lungs, especially not when the storm in his eyes took her breath away.

“I wanted a reason”, she stammered. “You said you cared but I still don’t understand why you simply disappeared from my life. Look, all I wanted was to move on and later remember this without having to wonder what happened.”

“Wanted?”, Matteo asked, an eyebrow raised before his expressions softened up slightly. Luna stared back, astounded at the power of a small word. “I… I mean… I still care about you. I tried not to. But I really, really do.” At this, suddenly his eyes lit up like a firework in the night sky. He coughed and looked away, trying to conceal it. Still, she recognized this trace of hope, because it spread in her too and gave her a fuzzy sensation in her guts.

“So, why did you never stay in touch?”

They sat on the bleachers while Matteo focused on the rink. Not that Luna would ever admit it, but she took the chance to study his face. He was the most beautiful thing she had ever laid her eyes on. Most likely forever. It struck her that whatever was about to come, she most likely didn’t expect it. And just maybe, she didn’t have to lose him. Maybe this wasn’t their end or the last time she could get lost in his perfection.

“This might take a while.”

Luna reached out for his arm, but held herself back before he noticed. She cleared her throat. “I have time.”

Matteo closed his eyes. Forgotten was the rink, his shift. All that mattered was Luna, to find the right words that kept his hopes for a second chance alive. “The day after we arrived in Italy, uh, my dad told me we probably wouldn’t come back for the school year. Well, I know I should have expected it, but I didn’t want to hear any of it. That’s when we had our first fight, over there I mean. I just refused to give up the hope to see you again, you know?”

His voice trembled, the words blurred and it was hard to understand everything. “I never wanted our kiss to be the end of something. So, I didn’t want him to mention this until their bosses made their final decision. And then… then they told me we’d stay. That I would finish school there, and likely study too, or go to Oxford. Those were my options. It was right after the first Open, you know, the one Tamara streamed. I, I missed you. I missed you so much. I wanted to see you, hear your voice but there you didn’t perform while my parents basically told me I’d never get to go back and should let this fantasy go.”

Luna remembered the Open, how she regretted not performing when she learned about the one person who had streamed it from Italy. It truly had been him, of course, and of course he didn’t get to see the one time she sang for him.

“My first impulse was to call you. I had to tell you, but no matter how long I sat in front of my phone and opened your contact, I couldn’t do it. I knew it would be the right thing to do and yet, I… my head always found a reason not to do it. It was stupid, I realized that now, the most stupid thing I’ve ever done.”

Matteo paused. Let out a sigh. So much weight seemed to escape his body with it, Luna wondered how he had managed to walk upright before. “And then?”, she asked in a husky voice. “Did you just… decide that not talking to me at all was better? But then why did you send me something for my birthday then? That makes no sense to me. Wait, look, I want to get it, but right now, I feel there are more question marks in my head than before.”

Something about her words shattered him back into pieces. She saw it without understanding why tears sparkled in his eyes or why his whole body was made up of misery.

“I didn’t decide anything. My dad did. He’s, eh, let’s say, quite controlling. He told me I was acting out of my mind, and I was, of course I was. I felt so lost without you, but when he learned about you, he tried to reign me back in. Like I was a dog who didn’t listen and just needed some more training to behave.” A snort, one heartbeat of silence. Another one. “Actually, it’s not like I didn’t expect it. Although usually he was distant, more of a teacher than a father. But this time, he suddenly cared. Or at least compared to like all my life. And… since I honestly believed I’d never see you again but instead could have a decent relationship with my parents, finally, I…”, another break. “This sounds even shittier when I say it out loud.”

His fingers moved restlessly around, through his hair, along the seam of his shirt, rubbing his neck. Never stopping. “I’m sorry, Luna, I made so many mistakes, you have every right to be mad…”, she stopped him. “I want this to be over.”

He stared at her with eyes wide opened. Even though silence settled between them, Luna swore she heard his heart break.

“No, no, not like that!”, she hurried to add. Before her brain stopped her, her hand searched for his. Equally surprised as she was, Matteo held in a breath. Confusion was written all over his face. Luna tried to say something, anything, however touching him burned out every single thought in her head.

It took her some moments to find her voice. “What I’m trying to say is, I want us to be able to talk normally again. Like before. I don’t care if what you have to tell me sounds shitty. I said I wanted to understand, and I won’t run away. I promise. And I don’t want to stay mad at you. Anymore.”

“What?”

In another situation, she would have laughed at his shocked face. Now, she let her thumb draw lazy circles on his skin. “I’m done being mad at you”, she repeated. A smile as bright as a thousand stars broke free on his lips. It blinded her, consumed everything else around them like a black hole. She wanted to see this smile every day of her life.

“You know, you’re always in my head, everywhere I am”, he confessed, more radiant than the sun itself. “Everything that you said before sounded as if my only goal during the last year was to make you suffer and I know it’s hard to believe it but I never wanted to hurt you. I believed I was doing what was best for you, to allow you to move on. It took me weeks to buy these pendants. Every time I passed this shop window, I thought about getting them for you. But I also hoped you had forgotten me by then, because it meant you didn’t suffer like me. That’s why I always walked past them in the end.”

Focusing on his words got harder when he pulled his hand away. She hated how she ached to feel more of him, whether by holding his hand or being in his arms and doing all the things she definitely needed to stop thinking about. “And then my parents left town for a few days and I found myself in front of the shop again. I figured it was now or never, that you could still get them in time without my dad ever knowing I lied when I told him I had forgotten you completely. So, I bought them. I let them change them so you could wear them on your laces and went straight to the post office, wrote the card there and sent it off. But the next day, I already realized it was contradicting and wrong and I knew I’d never have the courage to ask Gastón how you reacted.”

“He couldn’t have answered that question anyway. I never told anyone about them”, Luna stated. “In fact, until yesterday, I kept them in my drawer right at the back so I didn’t have to see them.”

“Why?”, he inquired, biting his tongue. She shifted on her seat, unconsciously ending up closer to him. Her fingers fidgeted with her bracelets in order to keep her from reaching out to find his hand. “It hurt too much, thinking about you. And I didn’t want everyone else to worry about me again, especially when they just started to believe I was better.”

Matteo shook his head. “Luna, you can’t always think of everyone else first. Sometimes, what you want and need is more important.”

“Would you say the same thing if I told you you weren’t what I wanted?” His gaze laid down on her, firm and calm. It brought back the feeling she could read his every thought and emotion in his eyes. Hope spread out in her, racing through every cell and making her dizzy. “I would say your happiness is the most important thing. And I know I got in the way of it too often already, so… one word from you and I’ll leave you alone.”

That was it, that was the last strike it took to tear down the wall around her heart. Immediately, this hope forged a fire that turned every last bit of anger and resentment into ashes. “And let’s say, I wouldn’t want you to go. Why should I trust you now? How do I know you’re not leaving again because your dad makes you?” Matteo took her hand, studying their intertwined fingers before he answered. “After the last training, I talked to my parents. I figured I lost you for good, but I also realized they needed to know the truth. So, I told them I still only wanted to be with you and that it was wrong to pretend otherwise and that I didn’t care what they say.”

“How did that go?”, she blurted out. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t imagine talking to her parents like that. Or them to act like Matteo’s parents, for that matter. “Well, my dad got mad. Very mad, actually. It was nothing compared to when I decided to study physics and astronomy instead of sticking to his plans for me.” With the hand he wasn’t holding on to, she gently patted his arm.

“Why are you looking at me like that, chica delivery?”

Was it possible to have a heart attack because of a nickname?

“Are you and your dad okay now?” Matteo shrugged. “He’ll get over it at some point. But really, in the end, I don’t care anymore if they accept or even like my choice. That’s not what matters.” He smiled at her, all soft and warm and full of love. The chica delivery from a minute ago couldn’t hold up against it. If she hadn’t been sitting, who knew where her shaking knees would have taken her. “I love you, Luna. And I will stay.”

Maybe she should think this through. Tell him she needed some time to process everything, to decide on what was best for her.

But truth be told, her heart already chose him without a doubt. She knew living without him was possible, she had managed to get by like this. However, talking to him demonstrated that it wasn’t what she aimed for, a life without his smiles. His touch, his support. His love.

“Luna?”, Matteo pulled her back to reality, where she had left him waiting for an answer, “Will you give me a second chance?” She looked up. Hope glimmered in his eyes, along with an undeniable fear. Never had he been this vulnerable around her, perhaps around anyone.

“I mean I haven’t completely forgiven you”, she admitted. In response, his hand loosened its grip on hers. “I haven’t because it will take some time, but… I want to try this. Us. I, I like you very much too.”

Time stopped.

Suddenly, he embraced her waist and she sat right next to him, wrapped up in his arms. The world started spinning, faster than ever before. Luna closed her eyes. Like adding the last puzzle piece, her life felt complete again.

His lips found her forehead, murmuring “Thank you” before he gently pressed them on her skin. It took all her self-control to not kiss him right here, right now in front of the other skaters.

Somehow, they ended up in the wardrobe. The reason escaped her mind before the door closed behind them. Did he needed to get something out of here? All Luna remembered was walking hand in hand with him and that the smile on her face grew wider with every minute.

“Wait, was there any reason we’re here now?”, she asked. Matteo grinned, the signature chico fresa look, and turned around so he faced her. One hand reached out for her hair, brushed it back, then rested on her cheek. His other hand supported her waist, pulled her closer. Not close enough. She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Is it too early to ask if I can kiss you?”

“I don’t know, chico fresa, is it?”

It wasn’t. Of course. How could it be too early when all Luna had done for a year was to dream of these lips, this boy and being with him?

Matteo kissed her. Or she kissed him. It didn’t matter. Her mind turned quiet, but she heard her heart sing, even shouting in her chest. She had forgotten kissing Matteo meant a hurricane in her veins, meant being burned alive but enjoying every second of it. His thumb caressed her cheek and it drove her crazy, how he sent one wave of electricity after another through her body.

When they broke apart, Luna didn’t need to open her eyes to see him beaming with happiness. His voice sounded warm and just rough enough to make her knees tremble: “I think now I’m really home again.”

Thank you.