#lucked out a second time too when we got Tess

[orangedogsquad]

Happy Birthday Mr 4-year-old Henry!!

To celebrate, he’s played with the cat’s toys, had big snoozes, and has had lots of treats. Sorry that you also have a physio appointment today, boy, but your physio only works Thursdays xD

[coffeewhiskeyandotherdarkthings]

Keep You (Until the End Prequel)

rating: E (18+ only, MDNI)

Series Summary: A single afternoon changes everything. A reflective on the ten years before leaving the Boston QZ.

Series Warnings: smut (m/f pairing, oral, intercourse, dom/sub undertones, a pinch of Daddy kink) angst, suicidal ideation, grief, mentions of child loss, cannon typical violence, infidelity, no use of Y/N, reader has nickname (of sorts), no explicit body descriptions

This is not an exhaustive list but should serve as an indication of the general content.

Word Count: 7.3K

One Two Three

A year later, I saved Joel’s life again.

I blew up our entire world in the process.

Despite my opinions, despite Joel’s, despite Tess’s, Tommy had drifted closer and closer to the Fireflies. I’d managed to talk him out of leaving Boston but I knew it wasn’t a permanent solution. Once a month meetings turned into twice a month and then into once a week. When we were out on runs, he would slip away for a few hours, returning with something which, if we were caught with, would ensure we never even made it to a phony FEDRA hearing—they’d simply shoot us upon discovery. The first time he did that, I kept quiet. The second, I reminded him what would happen if we were caught.

The third time, I told Joel.

We were on the roof of the apartment building, sprawled out on a blanket I’d bartered fiercely for, staring at the stars while we struggled to get our breath back. The late September air was still humid but not as stultifying as it had been earlier in the day and there was a smell under it all which roused memories and I sighed. “Weather’s getting ready to change.”

“Good. Hot as hell.” Joel rolled back toward me, scooting down until he was able to lay his head on my stomach. I raked my fingers through his hair absently, the gesture almost second nature at this point. Draping his arm over my thighs, he grumbled under his breath for a moment before clearing his throat. “Talked to Frankie.”

“Hmm?”

“He’s got a place… hell, it’s basically a shoebox with a toilet.” He pressed his lips to my stomach and despite the fact he had pulled half a dozen orgasms out of me less than twenty minutes before I still trembled. Rubbing his cheek against my hip, he said, “Said he’ll keep it open for a free extra bottle each run.”

It took a moment for my still hazy mind to muddle through what he said and what he didn’t. Stilling my hand, I said, “A place for us.”

“Just us.” He grunted as he pushed up on one elbow, pressing a kiss to my sternum before making his way up my torso, brushing his lips over one collarbone and then the other before finally bringing his lips to mine. “Yours and mine.”

“And he won’t….” I trailed off, hesitating over my next words. Joel answered the unasked question.

“He won’t.” Resting his forehead on mine, he whispered, “Let me keep you.”

We didn’t talk about feelings, Joel and I. It was, in fact, one of the very few areas of conversation which we avoided as carefully, if not more so, than we did the infected. It was almost as if we were afraid doing so would be bad luck and while I wouldn’t have said either of us were the suspicious kind perhaps we’d suffered enough we felt the need to hedge our bets. So we didn’t talk about whatever our relationship was, we didn’t talk about what we felt, we didn’t talk about the future.

But every now and then, one of us would make that request. Let me keep you.

And it was enough.

“Just a toilet or does it at least have a shower and a sink, too?” I smiled when he laughed, letting my eyes drift closed again. “Even if it costs a little bit extra, I’d like a shower.”

“I’ll see what Frankie can do.” He snuggled closer, tucking his face under my chin and nuzzling my throat. “Tess and Tommy are talking about doing another run, a short one. A few special orders. We wouldn’t need you, so you could stay here and catch up on the bookkeeping.”

“Special orders?” I shivered, although it was far from cold. “What does that mean?”

“Just things we wouldn’t look for or pick up on normal supply runs.” He shifted next to me and when I opened my eyes I found him staring down at me, his brow creased in concentration. “Why?”

“Did he—did they say who the clients were?”

“No.” He sat up completely, pulling me up as well, his frown deepening. “Kay.”

“Tommy brought fertilizer back on the last run. About ten pounds, give or take.” I dragged my hands through my hair before simply dropping my face to my drawn up knees. “Before that, it was some rusty pipes and some other metal parts.” Sucking in a deep breath, I lifted my face, meeting Joel’s gaze without flinching. “And he’s brought back gasoline, too.”

“You think he’s building a bomb.”

“I don’t know. I don’t know.” I hardened my voice, matching Joel’s tone. “If you had asked me a year ago, I would have laughed at the idea. But you and I both know how deep he’s in with the Fireflies these days and we also know the Fireflies love nothing more than blowing something up and claiming they’re a step closer to liberating Boston.”

Joel exhaled through clenched teeth. “He’s not that….”

“He is that stupid because he’s that naïve.” When Joel scoffed, I reached over and shook his shoulder, desperate for him to listen. “You know how he is, how much he wants to believe he can save the world, how much he wants to atone for whatever you all did before Boston.” The details of which I’d never asked and never would, not unless one of them asked me to do so. “It makes him vulnerable, makes him an easy target for groups like the Fireflies, who spend their time not blowing things up spouting propaganda and making people like him think changing the world is as simple as getting rid of the people they don’t like and handing things over to the general public.”

“You’re asking me to believe my brother is a terrorist.” His gaze was terrifying in its ferocity and while I might have backed down three or four years ago I’d developed a spine of tungsten in the last few years, thanks in no small part to the man who was currently trying to glare me into submission. “You’re asking me—.”

“I’m asking you to acknowledge that your brother has a huge heart, that he’s too trusting by far, and he can be easily manipulated if he’s led to believe it’s for a good cause.” I lifted my chin. “Tell me I’m wrong.” When he simply continued to glare at me, I raised my brows. “Tell me I’m wrong, Joel.”

“Goddamn it.” He looked away first and even in the dim moonlight it was impossible to miss the resignation and worry on his face. After a moment, he said, “You’re not wrong.”

“You have to talk to him.” I grabbed his hand when he would have moved away, forcing him to look at me. “I’m serious, Joel. You have to talk to him.” I paused, hesitating before continuing. “And don’t let him go on runs without supervision.”

“He’s a grown man, Kay.” He dragged his hand through his hair before scrubbing his palm over his face. “I try and saddle him with a babysitter, he’s gonna figure it out.”

“Maybe he will, maybe he won’t—but you have to try. We have to try.” I shifted until I was all but sitting in his lap, taking his face in my hands and stroking my thumbs over his cheekbones. “Neither of us will forgive ourselves if we don’t do everything we can to prevent him from making the sort of mistake he can’t come back from.”

“I know.” He sighed, resting his forehead against mine. “Damn it, I know.” He laid back down, pulling me with him and tucking me against his side. “I’ll talk to Tess. And Tommy.” He skimmed his fingers over my spine in the absent-minded way he had. “And Frankie.”

Two weeks later, it became painfully obvious that all our efforts—mine, Joel’s, Tess’s—had been for naught.

Tommy and Tess left on the special order run only a few days after my rooftop conversation with Joel, who’d elected to stay behind in Boston to give Tess a chance to talk to Tommy one-on-one. Even though we were on our own with no need for discretion, we still met on the roof, still slept in separate apartments. It was an odd way to think, to behave, to refuse to abuse the sanctity of some spaces while having no compunction about doing the same with relationships but it was just one of the unspoken boundaries our relationship operated within. So I was alone, organizing client files, when Tommy returned, not quite slamming the door open and closed but close.

I looked up from the accounting ledgers, blinking owlishly at him, the columns of numbers and initials still swimming in my vision. “Hey. Everything good?”

“You told Joel about the extra stuff I was smuggling in.”

It wasn’t a question so much as a statement and I put my pen down, answering him without prevaricating. “Yes, I did.” Shutting the ledger, I stood, sliding my hands in the pockets of my oversized sweater, meeting his gaze without flinching. “Because I tried talking to you. You didn’t want to listen to me. I thought maybe you would listen to your brother.”

“Damn it, Kay.” He slung his backpack on the table, sending papers flying, and I frowned at the uncharacteristic display of frustration but didn’t say anything. He stalked over to the window, beating his fist on the casing a few times before turning back to me, planting his hands on his hips. “It didn’t concern him. Or you, for that matter.”

I stared at him for a long moment before nodding, pursing my lips. “Well played. You almost had me believing you were actually an asshole.”

“Kay—.”

“Six years, Tommy. Six years ago, you and your brother made the executive decision to not only interject yourselves in my life but to become a vital part of it.” Instead of getting louder, of matching the anger pumping out of him in waves, I deliberately lowered my voice, pushed an arctic chill into my words. “And then you and I became involved. We’re still involved. Maybe I can’t love you the way you want or the way you deserve but I care about you, quite a bit. I think that’s earned me the right to be concerned about you, especially when you’re doing things which are stupid at best and suicidal at worst.” I took a step forward and now I was unable to fight back the anger. “And I think we can both agree I have far more knowledge in that particular area than you do so when I say you’re acting as if you have a death wish, I fucking mean it.”

“This matters to me—helping the Fireflies, fighting back against FEDRA.” He scrubbed his hands over his face, the gesture so much like Joel’s that my heart caught in my throat for a moment before I forced myself back to the conversation. Sighing heavily, he dropped his hands, leaning back against the window sill. “I don’t… I don’t understand how things got so fucked up.”

“Because you’re a good person.” Trusting the crisis had passed, I walked over to him, resting my hands on his shoulders and stroking my thumbs over the corded muscles in his neck. “You’re listening to the root of the message, which is a good message. It’s this latest interpretation of it, the methods being used to spread it, which are the problem.”

“No, it isn’t.” He stood, shrugging off my hands and stalking back toward the kitchen, kicking out at a ledger which had fallen off the table. “The problem is people are so focused on just surviving that they ignore everything else, even when it could make survival easier.” He turned back to me, his familiar face set in harsh, unrecognizable lines. “Sometimes you have to go above and beyond to grab people’s attention, make’em listen.”

“Tommy.” There suddenly wasn’t enough air in my lungs or heat in the room. “What did you do?”

“Nothing.” He jerked a shoulder, guilt flashing across his face for a split second. “Got the stuff Marlene asked for but Tess took it. Pretty sure she gave it to Joel.”

I stared at him for a moment, dread spreading through me, tying my stomach in knots. “You did something else.” I stormed over, grabbing his shirt with both hands and giving him a hard shake. “What did you do, Tommy?” He tried to shrug me off and I tightened my grip, shaking him again. “What the fuck did you do?”

He swallowed, refusing to meet my gaze. “Got a message to Marlene. Let her know what happened.”

“And let her know who had it.” I shoved him back and before the thought had even fully formed in my mind I swung out, ramming my fist into the left side of his jaw. Unlike six years earlier when I’d broken his brother’s nose, this time I didn’t hurt myself when I split Tommy’s lip open. “Where is she?”

Before he could answer, the door bust open and Tess stormed in, drawing up short when she caught sight of us. After a moment, she cleared her throat and said, “I was going to tell you guys I was trying to sleep and to keep it down but—.”

“Where did Joel go?” I cut her off without even a hint of guilt, already moving toward the door and my shoes. “I know Tommy gave you the package and you gave it to Joel. Where did he go?” I peeled off the oversized sweater and flung it across the room, silently ordering my fingers to stop shaking as I worked on lacing my boots. Glancing up at Tess, I snapped out, “Goddamn it, Tess, save the territorial bullshit for some other time and fucking tell me where he went!”

“They’re not going to do anything to him.” Tommy’s words were slurred and I glanced over long enough to note he was holding a kitchen towel to his mouth, his lower lip already swollen to twice its normal size. “Just make him hand over the package.”

“They executed a teenager who had the bad luck to be wearing a stolen FEDRA jacket.” Straightening, I ripped open the drawer of the hallway table and pulled out the compact semi-auto pistol I normally carried when I left the QZ. “What do you think they’re willing to do to get whatever is in that package?” Slamming the drawer shut, I checked to make sure the safety was on before tucking the gun in the waist of my jeans and striding over to Tommy, grabbing his shirt and pulling him down until we were nose to nose. “Where—did—he—GO!”

He rattled off an address on the far south end of the QZ, his eyes wide, some of the bravado fading and worry creeping in. Stumbling back when I released him, he said, “I’m coming with you. I can talk to them, I can talk to Marlene.”

“Fine.” I spared Tess half a glance as I stormed past her, standing and silently watching the exchange with Tommy. “Are you coming?”

“I’ll wait for him here.” She crossed her arms, the look on her face unreadable as she studied me. “If he gets back before you, we’ll be your rescue squad.”

Now I did pause with my hand on the doorknob, looking at her over my shoulder. “I won’t hold my breath, then.”

I took the stairs two at a time, not knowing or caring if Tommy was behind me although I was able to hear the faint thuds of his footfalls behind me. Once we hit the street, I quickened my pace, forcing back the urge to break into a run. We were already playing a dangerous game, being out on the streets so close to curfew. Running would attract attention and the last thing we needed to add to this clusterfuck was FEDRA.

By the time we reached the address, the QZ had gone dark and we were the only people on the street. I didn’t break stride as I approached the building, grabbing the handle of the nondescript door and pulling it open only to have Tommy slam it shut with the flat of his hand. I took a single deep breath, holding it for a moment before exhaling. “You can either move your hand on your own or I can move it after I break it. It’s up to you.”

“Let me go in and talk to Marlene.” He exhaled through his teeth. “Alone.”

“Not a chance in hell.” I widened my eyes, lifting my brows. “Move your hand, Tommy.”

“Kay.”

“Move. Your. Hand.” My voice was remarkably steady considering the situation. “I won’t ask you again.”

Something flitted over his face, gone too quick to identify, but he stepped back, his hand sliding down the door to rest on mine. “There’s usually two guards in the lobby. No guns.”

I stared at him. “No guns? Really?”

“Lobby is considered low priority. Most people who come through the door are here for a reason and the few who aren’t usually don’t need more than a nudge to be on their way.” With that, he pulled the door open, moving in ahead of me and lifting his other hand in greeting. “Suz, Earl—my friend and I need to talk to Marlene.”

“She’s busy.” The woman, who I assumed was Suz, set the battered paperback she’d been reading to one side, looking at me with unabashed suspicion. “Something about a delivery going sideways.” She jerked her chin at me. “Who’s the chick?”

“Where are they?” Ignoring Tommy’s muttered curse, I crossed the torn linoleum, my boots sticking with each step, and flattened my palms on what had once been a check-in desk, leaning forward and lowering my voice. “Don’t lie. I’ll know. And you’ll regret it.”

“Get your ‘friend’ under control, Tommy.” Earl, who looked as if a good, stiff wind would knock him over, barked out the order in a reed thin voice, tapping a weathered baseball bat in his palm. “Hate to have to do it for you.”

At one point in my life, I would never have dreamed of treating someone of Earl’s age with anything other than the utmost respect, no matter how they spoke to me.

But that was the before.

And this was about Joel.

So I didn’t feel the slightest bit of guilt about sliding my knife from my pocket, flipping it open, and driving the blade into his right brachial plexus, twisting the handle to ensure maximum damage.

It wouldn’t kill him, although to be honest I didn’t care one way or the other, but there was a very good chance he’d need to learn how to threaten people with his left hand instead of his right.

I yanked the knife free at the same time I pulled my gun, aiming at Suz, who already had a two-way radio in her hand. “You so much as breathe into that radio and I promise it’ll be the last thing you do.” Without breaking eye contact, she tossed the radio over the counter, well out of her reach, and I nodded. When Earl started to scoot toward the radio, grunting and cursing, I simply kicked it further away before applying the same force to the man’s ribs, registering the faint crack under my boot but not concerned. “Good choice. Where’s Marlene?”

“Third floor.” Suz began to shake, her lips trembling as tears streaked down her cheeks. “Take a right when you come out of the stairwell and then go to the end of the hall.” The tears came faster, mixing with the mucous flooding from her nose. “Don’t hurt me. My mom has diabetes, she can’t work, the only way she can get ration cards is from me and—.”

“Go.” I glanced at Tommy, who looked nearly as shocked as Suz, who hesitated for all of three seconds before bolting out the front door. “Grab the radio.”

Without waiting for a response, I headed for the stairs, flipping the knife closed and shoving it in my front pocket, keeping my back against the wall as I made my way up, gun raised in the Weaver stance with my finger resting next to the trigger. I hadn’t thought to bring an extra clip, too focused on getting to Joel, so I had exactly fourteen bullets. As much as I’d like to think it was possible to get all three of us out of the building without firing any rounds, I didn’t necessarily believe it was probable. Still, I was counting on people’s innate desire to avoid pain and death to act as a first line of defense—if people believed you were more than ready to shoot them, they were less inclined to do stupid things to test the theory.

Tommy caught up to me at the first landing, cursing under his breath as he took the lead, his own weapon held loosely against his thigh. He’d tucked the radio in his back pocket and a quick glance showed he’d had the foresight to turn it off. He paused when he reached the second floor, holding up a hand and signaling me to wait. After a moment, he waved me on and we took the next flight of stairs two steps at a time, hitting the third floor in a matter of seconds. Once again, he signaled for me to wait and I fought back the urge to ignore his instructions, every cell in my body screaming for me to get to Joel and get to him now. Some of my impatience must have come through because he threw a glare at me over his shoulder, his brow drawn together in a frown.

“I was expecting guards, at least a couple. Don’t see any.” He chewed on his lower lip, glancing up and down the hallway again. “Might be they’re doing rounds or Marlene sent them out for supplies.”

“Or maybe they’re beating the shit out of your brother.” I lifted a brow. “Or maybe they’re somewhere planting bombs.”

“They’re not—.” He broke off, exhaling through clenched teeth. “Let’s go.”

We turned the corner to the right and began creeping along the hallway. We had just passed the second door when the turn of a squeaky doorknob and the squeal of rarely used hinges echoed down the hall from somewhere behind us. Moving on instinct, I yanked open the closest door and ducked inside, pressing myself against the wall. Instead of following, Tommy leaned against it, shutting it and effectively trapping me inside. A few minutes later, a muffled voice called out a greeting and Tommy answered, the pair lapsing into a conversation about recent FEDRA activity.

With nothing else to do but wait for the coast to clear again, I took stock of the room, seemingly organized with a ruthless efficiency I would expect from a government-sanctioned military unit. A very, very well stocked military unit. Tommy might have allowed himself to be fooled about the lengths the Fireflies would go to in order to accomplish their goals but this room and its cache told a much different story. Glancing at the door, trying to determine how much longer Tommy would spin things out, I took a hesitant step forward, peering into the nearest box.

Grenades. Lots and lots of grenades.

I automatically took a step back and then paused, turning over different scenarios in my mind. After another quick look at the door, I turned back to the box of grenades, sifting through them as quickly and delicately as possible. There was more variation than I would have anticipated, recognizing the sort of older models my mother’s father had been fond of collecting after leaving the service and immigrating to the States from Israel. Others I remembered from conversations with a cousin who had joined the Army in the aftermath of the 9/11 attacks, scraped through basic training, and then died within weeks of being deployed overseas. What I couldn’t remember, no matter how much I struggled, was the time delay on the fuse. I wanted to believe it was four seconds, five at the most, but I didn’t know if that was a fact from a buried memory or simply a guess.

I heard Tommy say he’d see the other person around and without thinking I grabbed a grenade from the top of the pile—a M67, if the shape was any indication—and slipped it in my back pocket, making sure my shirt was pulled low enough to cover the bulge. Tommy opened the door at the exact moment I returned to lean against the wall, the tension in his jaw and shoulders evident. “He’s in the last room on the left. Fred said Marlene had them work him over good after he wouldn’t hand over the package.”

I nodded, already compiling a mental list of potentially necessary medical supplies. Slipping out of the room and past him, I strode down the hallway, no longer concerned with stealth. Tommy called my name but I ignored him, giving the door in question a cursory knock before opening it, assessing the room dynamics in a split second before aiming at a tall, light-skinned woman leaning against a window frame. “Marlene, I assume.”

She stared at me for a moment before inclining her head in what I took as assent. Crossing her arms, she said, “You must be Tess.”

“No.” My gaze might have been steady on hers but that didn’t mean I was unaware of what was happening in my peripheral. “They take a step in my direction or his and you’ll have to start looking for new recruits.”

Marlene held up a hand and the man who’d tried to sneak around the far corner of the room toward me froze, very much like a deer in the headlights. After a beat, she said, “Perhaps you could extend the same courtesy and lower your weapon.”

“No.” I shook my head, shifting my weight to my back foot and adjusting my aim, ignoring the tingling in my arms as the lactic acid began to build. “Tommy, pretty sure your brother is going to need a little help getting out of those ropes.” He eased past me, cursing under his breath when he got his first look at Joel. “Can he walk?”

“Yeah.” Joel’s voice sounded raspy from disuse, somewhat dulled—no doubt from pain—but otherwise clear. “Might need a hand on the stairs.”

“Think you can triage yourself real quick?” I couldn’t afford to lose focus, not even for a second, no matter how much every part of me ached to go to him. “Give me an idea of what I’m working with?”

“Took a few hits to the ribs, caught a boot or two with my hip. Got a headache I wouldn’t wish on the devil.” He grunted, I assumed as Tommy helped him to his feet, and breathed out a laugh. “Don’t think any of these boys broke my nose, so there’s that.”

“There’s that.” When the Millers drew level with me, I passed my gun to Joel, pressing it into his hand until he took it. “Go on.”

Tommy shook his head. “Kay—.”

“I’ll be right behind you.” Now I did risk a glance at Joel, ignoring the trembling in both of our hands. “Go.”

He started moving in a broken jog, pulling a still protesting Tommy with him, the echoes of their arguing fading down the hall. When I could no longer hear them, I shifted to lean against the door, sliding one hand in my back pocket, curling my fingers around the grenade. “This was a stupid mistake on your part.”

“Possibly.” Marlene straightened, pushing off the window only to draw up short when I shook my head. “Kay. Tommy’s mentioned you a few times.” She tilted her head, narrowing her eyes as she studied me. “He gave the impression you were… fragile.”

“And?”

“Fragile people don’t walk into a heavily guarded building with almost no backup and a single weapon.” She tilted her head the opposite direction and I began to feel very much like a specimen under a microscope. “Most would consider those the actions of a desperate person.”

“And most would consider a terrorist paraphrasing a line from one of Shakespeare’s cautionary tales about the dangers of extreme actions as humorous yet I’m not laughing.” I lifted a brow. “Anything else?”

“What made you so desperate?” She crossed her arms, rocking from one foot to the other. “Couldn’t be Tommy—he was with you. Couldn’t be knowing what we planned to do with the part Tommy smuggled in—you’ve had weeks to worry about that and until tonight it seemed very much as if you didn’t give a damn either way.” A smile began to play around the corners of her mouth, as if she’d worked out some great mystery. “Only thing I can think of is Miller.” She tapped her fingers on her arm, her smile widening. “What is he to you? Joel Miller?”

“Mine.” I slipped the firing pin from the grenade as I yanked it from my pocket, lobbing it in the far corner of the room behind a stack of boxes before sprinting out the door, counting seconds in my head.

I reached the weapons room in two.

Flung open the door, grabbed a grenade at random, pulled the pin, and dropped it back in the box.

Two more seconds.

The first grenade went off at five seconds, just as I reached the stairs. I tumbled down the first half flight, righting myself and gaining the second floor as the second grenade exploded, setting off a chain reaction. The force of the explosion tossed me from the top of the stairs to the landing, the second wave throwing me down to the lobby. I tasted blood in my mouth, felt it trickle down the side of my face and from one ear. Combined with the simultaneous silence and ringing, I was almost certain I’d blown an eardrum and if I didn’t have a concussion it was only through divine intervention.

But I was alive.

And so was Joel.

I stumbled out of the lobby, noticing in an absent sort of way that the old man still hadn’t moved, mildly surprised when the guilt didn’t come. Out on the street, people were pouring onto the sidewalks, the idea of curfew apparently forgotten in the excitement of destruction. Keeping my head down, I threaded my way through the crowds, snagging a dangling scarf and draping it over my head and around my neck, covering as much of my various injuries as possible. Years of doing my best to not be seen, to disappear, to simply fade away made it easy to blend in, to find the holes in the still growing mass of bodies and slip through them like smoke.

I was a good forty-five minute walk from the apartment and that didn’t include finding and breaking into a medical center and stealing supplies.

I was, however, only maybe ten minutes from Frankie’s. Five, if I pushed myself.

I caught up with a group of people as they made their way down the stairwell, laughing when they did, making it seem as if I was part of their little social outing, before beelining for the back office. If one or two individuals glanced my direction they quickly looked away, turning their focus back to their drink. Reaching the office, I gave a rapid trio of knocks followed by two slow and another trio of quick ones—the code we’d put in place years ago when I’d worked the bar.

A moment later, the door swung open, Frankie’s massive frame filling the space. Simply by the way his face blanched as he looked me over I knew my injuries were more severe than I’d initially thought. When he grabbed my elbow and pulled me inside, he did it gently, as if afraid I’d shatter if he squeezed too hard. Closing and locking the door, he rumbled, “Good Christ, Kay, what the fuck…?”

“Minor disagreement with some people.” With the adrenaline draining, I was starting to feel more injuries, like the dull ache spanning my third to fifth right rib and the sharp fiery stabbing emanating from my lower left abdominal quadrant. Whatever it was, it wasn’t impacting my spleen, liver, or kidneys, which meant as long as the injury wasn’t more than a few inches deep I’d be fine. Leaning against Frankie’s desk, I looked down and exhaled through my teeth. “Well, major disagreement. And I think I blew up a building.”

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.” Frankie, who was easily pushing seven feet and three hundred pounds and who I’d personally seen throw men across his bar, stood in front of me, wringing his hands and looking as if he was going to dissolve into hysterics at any moment. “How did you—wait, don’t tell me. The less I know, the better.”

“Yep. Do you still have the triage bag I got you?” Tugging off the head wrap, I wrapped it around one hand, studying the projectile which had lodged itself in my side. The surface seemed smooth, which boded well when it came time to stitch the wound shut, but it was wood, which also presented the possibility of splinters remaining internally. Sighing, I looked up at Frankie, still a breath away from hysterics. “I can fix this but it’s gonna take me a bit. Can you get a message to the boys and Tess, let them know I’m fine, I’ll be back with medical supplies in an hour.” I palpitated the area around the wood, wincing at the pain but relieved that the pressure didn’t seem to cause an increase in blood flow. “Probably closer to two. And they need to keep Joel awake until I see how thoroughly he’s concussed.”

“They’re upstairs.”

“Who?” I shook my head in a misguided effort to try and clear some of the blood, maybe stop some of the ringing, hissing when all the motion did was increase the pounding in my temples. It took another moment for me to process what Frankie had just told me and when I did, I shot to my feet, bracing my free hand on the desk when my knees wobbled. “What?”

“Tess showed up about thirty minutes ago, said there was a problem with a delivery and there might be trouble and, oh, yeah, if I wanted to make sure the cost of my next delivery didn’t go up that I should send one of the kids to break into the med center and get everything on her list.” Frankie scowled, looking like nothing so much as a mildly annoyed cherub, which always struck me as funny considering he had no qualms about resorting to violence. “Then told me she needed my apartment for a bit and to keep an eye out. The boys came in about ten minutes ago, said they needed a place to hide out for a bit.” He huffed out a breath. “And now here you are.”

“Yeah, but you like me better than the others.” I smiled when he shook his head and snorted out a laugh. “Which is good, because I’m going to need your help with this.”

“With what?” It was Frankie’s turn to stare blankly for a moment before all the color drained from his face. “Oh, Kay, I don’t think—.”

“All you need to do is pull the foreign object out. You’re going to go steady, not too slow or too fast, and you’re going to pull straight back so you don’t aggravate the wound track.” I kept my voice low and firm, calm, a tone I’d found worked wonders with nervous first year med students during practical labs. If I made them believe panic wasn’t an option, then they wouldn’t. “Once you do, I’m going to apply pressure to the wound and staunch the blood flow. After that, we’re going to clean the wound to prevent infection and then we’re going to stitch it closed.”

“Right.” He nodded and then immediately shook his head. “No, no, Kay, I really think—.”

“Frankie.” I sharpened my voice, not enough to cut but enough to jolt him out of shock. “I have to go take care of Joel.” My breath hitched and for a moment the room threatened to spin but I pushed away the panic. “So we’re going to do this.”

“Okay.” He squared his shoulders, taking a few deep breaths before wrapping his hand around the piece of wood. “Steady, not too slow or too fast.”

The extraction hurt, not as much as I’d anticipated but enough I had to bite the inside of my cheek to prevent making any sounds of pain and startling Frankie. Thankfully, the object had only penetrated about half an inch if the blood coating the now removed wood was any indication, which meant no organ damage. As long as we cleaned, disinfected, and stitched it up, the only problem would be a not so pretty scar.

The next twenty or so minutes were mostly silent, broken only by my instructions to Frankie and the occasional grunt of pain. When he tightened the last stitch and cut the surgical thread, I exhaled, not surprised to realize I was practically dripping sweat. Glancing down, I blinked in surprise. “Damn, Frankie. Those are some good lookin’ stitches.”

“Grandmother was a seamstress, took in work at home. Made me help her after school.” He let out a solid exhale of his own before scrubbing his hands over his face. “Think I’m gonna throw up now.”

“No, you’re not.” I stood, doing a mental catalogue of the injuries I still needed to treat. “We’re going to clean up my ear and face real quick—no stitches or anything else major, I promise—and then you’re going to help me upstairs so I don’t fall and break my neck and all your hard work goes to waste.”

“Yeah, I think I’d be angry about that.” He dropped his hands, his lips curving in a ghost of a smile. “Should’ve figured you were something fancy like a doctor.”

“Outbreak Day sort of got in the way of my final year of med school.” I returned his smile. “But close enough, I suppose.”

It took another ten minutes to finish treating my injuries and by that time I was exhausted, wound tight from worry, and focused only on getting to Joel. Some of that impatience must have shown as Frankie helped me up the back staircase, because he shook his head and clucked his tongue. “You go too fast you’re gonna rip those stitches out.”

“We go any slower and we’re gonna be going backward.” I dug my nails into his arm, biting back a curse of pain as we cleared the last step. “Sorry. I know we’ve put you through a lot of trouble tonight.”

“Put yourself through plenty for me over the last few years.” He paused with his hand on the doorknob of his apartment. “Same thing goes for him—don’t let him treat you too rough and rip those stitches.”

Frankie opened the door and steered me inside, letting out a sliding whistle at the same time. “Just me and Kay.”

Joel surged up from the sofa, practically flinging aside Tess’s hands, and strode across the room. At the same time, I slipped out of Frankie’s grip and around Tommy, my knees starting to shake again as I moved forward.

I met Joel in the middle of the apartment, reaching for his face at the same time he reached for mine. His breath stuttered for a moment as he stroked a thumb over the cut arching across my brow, his eyes wide, his gaze a step below frantic. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before simply closing his eyes and pressing his forehead to mine. I closed my own eyes and took a deep breath, pulling the scent of him deep into my lungs, even though doing so shot a twinge of pain through my ribs.

He was alive. He was safe. He was here.

“Thought….” Joel trailed off, the raspy whisper cracking. “Heard… thought….”

“I know.” And even knowing we’d already revealed too much, that the illusion we’d worked so hard to maintain was ruined beyond repair, I couldn’t bring myself to care. “Me, too.” Tears crept from under my lashes, dripping silently down my cheeks. “You can’t do that.”

You can’t die first.

Something wet crept along the edge of my thumb and I realized I wasn’t the only one crying. Joel whispered, “Neither can you. You promised.”

Let me keep you.

“Tess, Tommy, wanted to talk to you about some new business.” Frankie’s voice was gentle, almost sorrowful, and I wondered for the briefest of moments who he pitied—me and Joel, Tess and Tommy, or all of us. “Why don’t we go downstairs?”

Only when the door closed, footsteps fading away, did I open my eyes, studying Joel as he studied me. After a moment, I said, “I don’t feel guilty.”

He stroked a thumb over my cheekbone. “For?”

“Anything.” Later, I’d tell him about the old man in the lobby, the live grenade in a room full of people, the upper part of an apartment building laid to rubble. “Everything.” The people we’d hurt, the people we’d continue to hurt. “Do you?”

“No.” He pressed his lips to mine. “Mine.”

The next day, Tommy apologized for not taking our concerns—mine, Joel’s, Tess’s—seriously but it was more for form than anything else. He was sorry, genuinely, for what had been done to Joel and he helped take care of me while my ribs healed, helped remove the stitches when it was time. But in much the same way I didn’t feel guilt for what I’d done to save Joel, Tommy didn’t feel guilt for continuing to believe in the Fireflies and their cause. So none of us were surprised when six months after the explosion he sat us down and said he was leaving, going west with a group to help liberate another QZ.

His bedroom became a makeshift clinic, stocked with supplies pilfered from med centers and acquired through smuggling runs and sometimes through outright bartering with corrupt FEDRA officers. I’d protested the first few times Frankie had sent people to my door looking for health care before finally accepting my additional role. Even though I told people I wasn’t licensed—although how anyone could be over ten years after the end of the world was anyone’s guess—patients began calling me Doc and over the next year or so more and more people called me Doc, until it was the name you whispered in the right ear if you were looking for medical assistance. Even Tess, who’d never made a single comment or statement about the night of the explosion, referred to me as Doc.

The only person who still called me Kay was Joel.

I’d blown up our lives—his, mine, Tommy’s, Tess’s—without so much as a second thought. Without even a hint of guilt.

And I’d do it again without hesitation.

He’d promised. So did I.

And that more than justified anything and everything.

[geocait0815]

Demons Grasp - Chapter 14

We are in luck. Maya found out that one of the guys, currently enjoying a raspberry muffin, has indeed managed to record the video stream. 

I am now back behind Jake’s laptop and waiting for the file to download. The thought of having to rewatch the video, look into those masked faces and then see Jake's battered face, is dreadful. I have to fight back the tears that are burning behind my eyelids. But I will not cry anymore. We are done with that. I will pull myself together. I will make myself useful. I will get Jake back!

There it is. I can see the table again and the two masked figures sitting behind it. I plug in my earphones, hoping that listening to the sound of the video like this would reveal something we have not picked up on before. Maybe I just watched too much CSI in the past.

The first re-watch is painful. After that it becomes easier. By the time Tess shows up next to me with a cup of coffee and a sandwich, I am at my fifth re-run. “Hey, MC. Have you eaten anything since yesterday?” I straighten my back and briefly stretch my limbs and neck. “To tell you the truth, I can’t even remember the last time I ate something. Does the whiskey count?” Tess shakes her head and places both, the mug and sandwich, in front of me. “Eat! In the meantime you can tell me, if you were able to spot something useful.” “So far no,” I say around a mouthful of bread and cheese. “I was planning to go through it frame by frame now.”

“I see. Maya and I have gone through the places Cane went to after the paper factory. There was nothing useful there, either.” “Cane?” “Yes. That was his name. The guy that attacked you. George Cane. There are quite a lot of Emails on his phone. We will look through them next.” “I will help you as soon as I am done with the video.”

“So. Maya. You two seem to get along really well?” Something shifts in Tess’ expression. A little smile tucks at the corners of her mouth. “You picked up on that, eh?” She looks around briefly to check that there is no one else in earshot. “After all these years, you still read me like an open book,” she laughs. “I really like her. But it is a bit of a slow burn.” “We need to have a proper girls talk, real soon.” “Just like the old days, but now with wine.”

I hit play again the second Tess leaves to return to her computer. I find the right shortcut to go through the video per frame. In the beginning there is not much else to notice, except maybe the fact that the guy talking has green eyes. The other ones are dark brown. Canes eyes were pale blue. That would mean that there are at least two men in the factory. Probably more.

I keep going and eventually reach the point when the camera is turned around, away from the table to face Jake. When I press further, something green flashes briefly. I go a few steps back and then forward again, until I find the right frame to pause on. There is a faded green image on one of the walls. The writing of the company name is not legible anymore. But the logo itself is still reasonably clear. It is a stylized origami figure depicting a deer head, maybe an elk.

“Hey, what is the name of the paper company?” I ask into the room. “Sigurd Paper Co.” it comes calling back. That came from Dylan. “Interesting choice. Thanks!” I google the company name and their logo is indeed very similar to the one I am seeing in the video. It might have changed a little over the years, but the resemblance is still uncanny.

Leaning back in my chair I see Max coming back my way. “I was able to trace the phone number. It belongs to a Cecil Hall. He is listed as Administrative Financial Officer with the government.” “So, basically an accountant. My execution was ordered by an accountant?” I am flabbergasted. “The job title might be a cover. We are still digging.”

“Well, I’ve got news, too. The video was taken inside the paper factory. Their company logo was visible on one of the walls when the camera was turned around to Jake.” I turn the laptop around so Max can see the image as well. “I think it is very likely that he is still there since Dylan did not see any other movement on the CCTV recordings.”

“Then, I guess it is time for you to contact Jacky and call in the Cavalry. And for us all to come up with a plan.”

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

[favefandomimagines]

Goodbye Love (t.h.)

Summary: Tom doesn’t realize how much being shipped with another woman hurts you, until you leave.

AN: i did a concept like this with a ben hardy imagine so I thought I’d do it with Tom. This is old and is one of the 41 drafts i have saved but too scared to post lol SO i hope you enjoy (using hailey bieber as a face claim cause i felt weird having a faceless photo of someone on a red carpet) xx

Ever since Tom had finished filming Spider-Man: Far From Home, the tomdaya shippers have been in full swing.

Shipping them ten times as hard as they did the first time. It was easy to ignore but now it was getting hard. Especially when Tom isn’t doing anything to make it stop.

His fans found an interview of him, being asked if he found his Liz Allen in real life and when he answered yes, the video was edited to show videos and pictures of him and Zendaya. Even though in that interview he was talking about you.

Currently in Atlanta, you sat on the bed you shared with Tom, Tessa laying close to you, almost as if she knew that you were upset. You were waiting for Tom to come home, though you were a nervous wreck. How were you supposed to tell him how you felt and that you were going home for a little bit?

“Love, I’m home!” Tom called from the living room. You didn’t move and neither did Tessa. Which was odd because she always left to go greet Tom when he got home.

He entered the room and saw you two on the bed. “There are my girls.” He greeted with a smile on his face. He walked over and tried to kiss your lips but you moved your head so his lips landed on your cheek instead.

Tom looked at you for a moment, a curious look falling on his face. “What’s wrong?” He asked. Tom knew you inside and out and he could tell something was wrong with you.

You didn’t look up at him, just handed him your phone with the screenshots and screen recordings, of people praising him and Zendaya’s nonexistent relationship and degrading you and your real one.

“Two years, Tom. I’ve been going through this for two years.” You finally spoke. “At first, I ignored it. Knowing I could put up with it for a few months while the movie was out and you were doing press. Then it just kept getting worse. Seeing people call me terrible names and wanting you to break up with me and wanting me to-” You started but stopping yourself, the more intense comments being worse than most. “Y/N-“ He tried to speak. “And you know what the worst part is? You haven’t done a single thing to end it.” You cut him off.

You still hadn’t looked at him when you got off the bed and grabbed the two bags you packed.

Tom watched you place them on the bed and his heart started to beat faster and his eyes widened. “W-What are you doing?” He asked. “I think, I should go back to LA for a little bit and just let you think things through. Is letting your fans have some fun with the idea of tomdaya worth losing me?” You replied.

“Y/N, please don’t do this. Please don’t leave me.” Tom begged, tears welling up in his eyes. “We’re just taking a break, Tom. But if you decide that I’m not worth it, that’s going to be it.” You told him. You picked up the bags and headed towards the door when Tom grabbed your wrist. “Please don’t leave.” Tom whispered.

You looked at him for a moment before leaning in and pressing a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth. “I have too.” You whispered back. Tom reluctantly let go of your wrist as you opened the door.

Tessa got down off the bed and began to follow you out the bedroom door. The dog began to cry softly as you headed towards the front door of the airbnb. “Goodbye, love.” You said to Tom before exiting the house.

Tom watched you leave, the tears falling freely at that point. He didn’t know it had gotten so bad for you. He’s ignored the shipping a million times knowing it was you he loved but he never knew you were second guessing everything about your relationship and yourself.

He ran his hands through his hair out of frustration before retreating back to the bedroom.

***

It had been three weeks. Three weeks since he had seen you. Of course he’d seen the photos of you in LA. Just because you’re going through something emotionally, doesn’t mean your career stops.

You had been doing a bunch of press for the TV season you had just wrapped before you went to Atlanta with Tom. It was the best idea you could think of to get your mind off of Tom.

He wasn’t having such luck. Everything reminded him of you and he wasn’t the same knowing that your relationship was in the balance. And everyone around him noticed.

“Tom, what’s going on?” Zendaya asked him one day. “Y/N didn’t leave for work, she left because of the fans shipping you and I. She couldn’t take it anymore.” Tom answered. “What do you mean?” She asked. “I’m supposed to be her boyfriend and you’re supposed to be her friend and yet we let thousands of people ship us together, without even thinking of how that could make Y/N feel.” Tom ranted.

Zendaya had never thought of that before. She didn’t realize just how cruel the fans were until she checked while she was talking to Tom.

“Oh yeah. This is, uh, very bad.” Zendaya said. Tom looked at her phone and noticed that there were new comments.

‘Y/N is so beneath Tom. Zendaya is a queen’

‘Y/N should just kill herself.’

‘Y/N’s show is gonna flop and then tom will see how much better zendaya is’

‘tomdaya is better.’

Tom’s stomach twisted seeing all the negative comments about his girlfriend and one wanting her to end her life. If they were really his fans, they’d support him 100%. “How could they be so cruel?” Tom asked. “I don’t know but maybe we do need to say something.” Zendaya replied.

“I need to get her to come back.” He muttered. “You setting your fans straight will do that.” Zendaya told him. Tom nodded his head before taking out his phone and posting an old picture of you at the Infinity War premiere.

@tomholland2013: i am going to be blunt and i’ve never done this before so bear with me. but the constant shipping of Zendaya and I, had gotten out of hand. I am in a happy and loving relationship with the woman in this photo. You don’t have to like it but you have to respect it. Y/N is the love of my life and seeing her being brought down my total strangers, breaks my heart. No fan of mine brings her down. And that’s that. @y/f/n_y/l/n

You got the notification that Tom had tagged you in a photo. Swiping your phone, you read the caption carefully. “He finally did it.” You said to yourself. But why now, two weeks later?

That conversation wasn’t one to have over the phone so you had your agent get you the next flight to Atlanta.

“Are you sure you want to leave half way through press?” She asked you. “I have too. Everyone will understand, they know how much Tom means to me.” You answered. “Okay. Your flight lands at 9:45 and pack an umbrella. There’s supposed to be a huge storm when you land.” She told you. You gave her a gracious smile before getting in your Uber.

***

Tom sat on the couch, quietly watching whatever soccer game was on, only wishing you were there next to him. You hated watched soccer with him because of how competitive he got but whenever he asked, you watched with him. 

He was knocked out of his reminiscing by the sound of his phone vibrating. Seeing it was Harrison, he sighed but picked it up. “Hello?” He answered. “Are you still sulking?” Harrison asked his best friend. “What do you think?” Tom retorted. “You have to stop that, Tom. She’ll come back when she’s ready.” Harrison told him. 

Tom sighed, knowing well that Harrison could hear. “Look, you saw the comments. They’re terrible. Telling her to kill herself so that you and Zendaya can finally be together. You don’t get over something like that over a few nights.” He added. “I know, but I just wish I could make it better. It’s been three weeks.” Tom said. “I know but you did all you can do. It’s all up to her now.” Harrison said. 

Tom knew his best friend was right. He knew you needed time to yourself, to make sure you were fully ready to come back to him. “But, if it’s any consolation, I had a surprise sent to your doorstep.” Harrison added. “What?” Tom questioned. “And you might wanna hurry up and bring it inside before it gets absolutely soaked.” He said. 

With furrowed eyebrows Tom got off the couch with his phone still pressed to his ear. “What are you on about?” Tom asked him. “Just do it.” Harrison ordered. Tom rolled his eyes and walked towards the door. He opened it up to reveal a soaking wet you. 

“Hi, love.” You greeted him, the sound of the rain nearly drowning out your voice. “Y/N, w-wha- you’re here.” Tom stammered. “Yes, I am now can you please let me inside before I get pneumonia?” You asked with a small laugh. 

Tom didn’t let you inside but instead hung up the phone and walked outside to pull you into him. He didn’t care if you were soaked from the rain or the fact that he was also getting wet as well. The only thing that mattered to him was you. 

“Tom, you’re going to get sick.” You told him, breaking the silence. “I don’t care. That’s the last thing I care about. I just need to hold you.” He replied.

You let go and looked up at him for a moment. “Y/N, I was a mess without you. You are everything to me and not having you here was hell.” Tom told you. “I love you, I am so in love with you. And I’m so sorry.” He added.

You didn’t say anything at first but wrap your arms around his neck and pull him down closer to you, to place a deep kiss on his lips.

Pulling apart, he rested his forehead on yours. “Let’s get inside before you catch a cold.” You told him, pushing him inside the house.

Tessa barked and ran to you and a large smile made it’s way to your face. “Tess! I missed you!” You greeted the dog, crouching down to her level. Tom smiled at the sight, feeling as if everything was back to normal.

“Y/N,” Tom started, causing you to turn to face him. He offered you his hand, which you took, to help you up from your crouched position. “I will never make you feel unimportant again. I am so sorry.” He said. You gave him a warm smile before kissing him gently.

“I know. It’s okay.” You replied. “I love you, Y/N. With everything I have.” He told you. “And I love you.” You said, the two of you plus Tessa cuddling on the couch for the night. 

[the-bee-graveyard]

You’ll Thank Me Later- A Newtmas fanfiction

So this is the first fan fiction I’ve ever put on here (or anywhere) so I hope it’s not terrible. Sorry about any spelling/grammar errors, I proof read but I’m not attentive enough for it to be effective. I’ll probably delete this later but whatever.

Summary: Thomas ends up coaching his brother Chuck’s soccer team and developed a crush on a fellow coach. Minho causes a little bit a chaos and plays cupid, but nothing too bad. A little bit of Brendresa because what was I meant to do. Everyone ships Newtmas because I say so. Child!Gally but you’ll see what I mean later. 

Thomas didn’t know how he got talked into this, spending his Saturday’s and Wednesday afternoons coaching his younger brother Chuck’s football team.

His twin sister Teresa had coached it for three years, but she’d taken a job offer out-of-state and she and her girlfriend Brenda had moved away about a month ago, leaving his mother to pressure him into coaching instead.

That’s how he ended up standing on a sideline on some football field handing out red shirts with “Team A” printed on the back to thirteen year olds on his day off, his best friend Minho (who agreed to be his assistant coach) starting to assign kids to position.

“Have you seen my goalie gloves?” Thomas heard Chuck holler as he handed a shirt to some kid named Winston.

Thomas stole a glance at the other team to see what they were up against (just because he didn’t want to do it didn’t mean he wasn’t invested, it was just part of his competitive nature). The other team (their shirts read “Team B”) seemed to be made up of mostly girls, and one skinny boy who seemed more invested in picking at the grass than warming up with the rest of the team.

The coach was in short the most beautiful person Thomas had ever seen.

He was lanky, with warm brown eyes and fluffy looking blonde hair. He couldn’t be older than Thomas with his young face.

“That’s Newt,” Chuck said, suddenly standing next to Thomas. He swore that kid could teleport sometimes. “His sister Sonya’s the best on their team, he’s been coaching for longer than Teresa did. He picks Sonya up from school.”

“I don’t need his whole life story Chuck, I just need to know how good his team is,” Thomas rolled his eyes.

“Good,” Chuck replied. “They won the championship last year. Sonya and Harriet are their usual forwards, and things rarely get past them, and Aris and Rachel their defense are really good even if they don’t look like much.”

“How good’s our defense?” Chuck pointed to two kids Thomas was pretty sure were named Jeff and Clint who were trying and failing to pass the ball to each other. “Okay, we can work with that.”

“Teresa made it work,” Chuck corrected. Thomas glared at his little brother.

“Are you doubting my ability to coach a team?”

“Absolutely.” Chuck paused, looking past Thomas. “He’s coming this way?”

“Who?”

“Newt.”

“Hey Chuck,” A voice said from behind Thomas. Whoever spoke spoke with a thick British accent. “Where’s Teresa?”

“She moved with her girlfriend,” Chuck said. “This is Thomas, he’s our new coach.”

“Hey there Tommy,” Newt said. “I’m Newt, I coach Team B.” They shook hands, Newt had soft hands. “Good luck out there.” Thomas stared as Newt ran off and started talking to a dark haired girl that looked like him.

“Do you enjoy coaching a lot better now?” Chuck asked with a smirk.

“Go get in net,” Thomas rolled his eyes and went back over to Minho.

They got completely destroyed. Thomas had no idea a bunch of thirteen year old girls (and one boy) could be so vicious. Aside from learning thirteen year old girls were the meanest people in the world, he learned that his own team would need a lot of work if they wanted to get even close to the championship.

“He's kind of hot though,” Minho said as they packed up the equipment. Most of the other kids had left with their parents, only Chuck and his friend Gally remained, who Thomas promised to drive home. Thomas could see Newt out of the corner of his eye, talking to Sonya (who Newt called Lizzy) and Harriet, the two best players on Newt’s team by far. Poor Chuck never stood a chance in goal.

“Who?” Thomas asked his friend.

“Newt, and don’t be lying to me shank I see you noticing too,” Minho said, slinging a backpack over his shoulders and smirking evilly. Thomas hit his friend in the shoulder lightly and picked up a bag.

“We’ll get them next time,” Thomas said. he suddenly remembered he promised he’d call Teresa after the game and pulled out his phone and called his sister. 

“Hey Tom, how’d the game go?” Teresa’s cheery voice said. 

“Absolutely horrible,” Thomas said. “It was twelve to nothing.” Teresa started laughing.

“So you played Team B I see,” Teresa said. “They’re the only real competition, we’ve never been able to beat them even with me as coach. I’ll tell you what Tom, you get them to the championship game and Brenda and I will drive back for a week and help you against them. Deal?”

“Deal,” Thomas replied.

-Time Gap-

They’d just won the semifinals and Thomas agreed to take the whole team out for ice cream. They were at a place Thomas’s friend Frypan owned, and he agreed to give them a discount since they were a team and Thomas  and Minho clearly didn't have the money to pay for every kid.

“Have room for three more?” A familiar accented voice asked. Thomas looked up to see Newt standing there with Sonya and Harriet next to them. 

“Of course,” Minho said. “Take a seat, any seat.” Sonya whispered something to Newt before she and Harriet went off to sit with the other kids, Newt sitting down at the table with them, right next to Thomas. Thomas could see now that even though Newt was slender his arms were actually quite muscular. “So I assume we’ll be playing you in the championship came next week?” Minho’s voice broke through his train of thoughts.

“You will,” Newt confirmed. Thomas couldn’t take his eyes off of Newt’s eyes, the way his eyelashes seemed to move in slow-motion every time he blinked. He didn’t come out of his haze until Minho elbowed him in the arm, making him knock his ice cream onto Newt’s shirt.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” Thomas said.

“No big deal Tommy, just ice cream,” Newt said. “I don’t fancy walking around in ice cream though. I’ll go grab some napkins.”

“Thomas’s got an extra shirt in his car, don't you Tom?”  Minho smirked, and Thomas finally figured out why Minho really elbowed him. It was all part of an elaborate plan. “Why don’t you two go grab that and I’ll watch the kids.” Thomas would’ve flipped him off if there weren’t kids around, instead he got up and walked out to his car, Newt following him.

“Might bit a bit large on you, but it should do,” Thomas said, handing Newt a gray shirt he pulled out of his trunk. He always kept a spare shirt in his car, just for incidents like this one.

“Thanks Tommy,” Newt said, pulling off his shirt covered in ice cream and putting on Thomas’s gray one. Thomas looked away, trying to hide the blush on his face. “I’m going to go put my shirt in my car, no need to wait up.” Thomas nodded and headed back towards the ice cream place.

“I hate you,” Thomas said, sliding down next to Minho, who still had that stupid smug look on his face.

“You’ll be thanking me for that one day,” Minho replied.

-Time gap-

Thomas forgot Teresa promised to come help out with the game until her white car pulled up next to his in the parking lot next to the football field as he got the equipment out of his trunk. She got out of the car along with Brenda and threw her arms around her brother, almost making him drop the equipment.

“Hey Tess,” Thomas said, smiling at his sister. “Hey Brenda. Nice haircut.”

“Thanks,” Brenda said.

“Enough chit chat, we’ve got a game to win,” Teresa said, officially in coach mode. 

“Please tell me she didn’t bring the whistle,” Chuck groaned as he got out of the car. Teresa pulled the infamous whistle out of her pocket and blew it right in her little brother’s face.

-Slight Time Gap-

“Alright guys, let’s get it together!” Thomas called to the team. “Chuck, Teresa suggested you and Winston starting as forwards, Gally, you get in goal. Zart, Nick, and Alby, you guys play midfield. Jeff, Clint, you take defense. Got it?” Everyone nodded and ran off to their positions.

“Aye Tommy, I see you called in reinforcements!” Newt called, gesturing to Teresa and Brenda.

“I can’t tell if he’s flirting with you or insulting you,” Minho commented. 

“I smell a ship, how come no one told me?” Brenda asked. 

“OTP,” Teresa grinned. Thomas glared at them before turning his attention to Newt’s lineup. He’d put Sonya and Harriet in defense and had Rachel and Aris as forwards. A girl Chuck said was named Beth was in goal, and those were the only people Thomas recognized. He thought the odds were pretty good, but they’d have to watch out for Harriet and Sonya.

“Who’s starting with the ball?” He asked Minho as the referee walked onto the field with the ball.

“They are,” Minho replied. “I’d say Chuck and Winston can get the ball from them fairly quickly, it’s getting through their defense that’s the problem.”

“Play towards the middle,” Teresa blurted out. “Sonya and Harriet always seem to go towards either side. If you play towards the middle there’s a better chance of avoiding them.”

“Chuck! Winston! C’mere a second!” Thomas called. Chuck and Winston ran over to them. “When trying to get around their defense head towards the middle, it should buy you a second. Good that?” Chuck and Winston ran back onto the field and the game started about a minute later.

It was on.

-Slight time gap-

Double overtime. They’d dragged the game out to double overtime. Thomas called a time out before the overtime started.

“Alright guys, we’ve got a strategy,” Thomas said. “Since it’s next point wins, we’ve just got to keep everyone busy enough for us to score. Jeff, Alby, you keep Sonya and at least one midfielder cornered at all times.” Newt had moved Sonya and Harriet back to forward at halftime, and Rachel and Aris were back in defense. “Clint, Zart, you take Harriet. Nick, support Chuck and Winston. The three of you should be able to get around midfield together, it’s Sonya and Harriet you’ve got to worry about. Shoot from the sides on Aris and Rachel, they congregate in the middle. High shots, Beth gets the low ones. Remember I’m proud of you no matter what happens out there.”

The team ran back onto the field, starting with the ball. Chuck passed back to Nick and began to run up the field to get passed to. Harriet ran to get the ball but Zart got in front of her before she could. Nick passed to Chuck and he zigzagged through their midfield before passing to Winston. Winston got around  Aris, and just as Rachel got up to him he passed back to Chuck, who kicked the ball into the goal.

The ref blew the whistle and Thomas hugged Minho he was so happy. He saw out of the corner of his eye Teresa kiss Brenda. He watched as the whole team ran and congratulated Chuck. 

They all lined up to congratulate the other team, Thomas in the way back behind Teresa, Brenda, and Minho. As he high fived the kids on the other team Thomas realized how much he enjoyed coaching the team. Before a few months ago he thought Teresa was crazy for wanting to spend her time coaching a middle school football team, but he was starting to pick up on the fact that his sister was right on a lot of things, whether he liked it or not.

“Good game Tommy.” Newt said as they shared a high five. What Thomas did next he probably wouldn’t have done under any other circumstances, it was the pure joy from winning the game speaking.

“Would you like to go get ice cream with me?” Thomas asked.

“Like, with both the teams?” Newt asked.

“No, just us.”

“So, like a date?” Thomas could feel the blush creeping up his face.

“Yes, exactly like that.”

“Bloody finally.” Newt rolled his eyes and Thomas felt puzzled.

“What?”

“I’ve been waiting for you to ask for weeks, you twat, it’s been driving me mad. I didn’t even think you were interested, but Minho said ‘wait’ anytime I voiced my concerned.”

“Minho?!” Thomas glanced over at his friend, who appeared to be talking to Teresa and Brenda.

“Yeah, he came up to me about a month back and told me he’d help me get you to ask me out if I wanted to.” If looks could kill Minho would be dead from the one Thomas served him. “So, um, ice cream?”

“I’ll come find you in the parking lot after we take pictures with the trophy, okay?” Newt nodded and blew Thomas a sarcastic kiss as he ran over to Minho, who’d apparently witnessed the whole thing and was grinning like crazy.

“Told you you’d thank me later,” Minho said.

“About that, we’ve got to talk about your lack of ability to mind your own business.”

[sincerly-kate]

Deadly kind of Luck (Joel Miller x reader)

Summary: You, Dina and Ellie go out on a supply run and have a close call with some runners. But what happens when a close call is too close? What does Joel think when he sees you at the brink of death?

A/N: Yes this does take place in part ii, but since I’m not done the game but still trying to recover from certain scenes that I’ve witnessed, this will have minor spoilers for the second game but nothing past the first chapter Jackson (Which has been slightly modified), and there will be spoilers for the first one. This will pick up where part ii would technically start. Also I’ve tried my absolute hardest to make this as gender neutral as possible so all of you can read this, enjoy! 

Requested?: No

Word count: almost 3k

Warnings: Swearing,violence, and if you know these games, you know what you’re getting into, same rules and warnings apply here for the most part.

You promised Maria that you would go with the two girls on their morning run today, not because she didn’t trust them, but because the area she wanted you three to was known for swarms of infected. You’ve known Maria for years now, you were neighbours before the whole world went to shit. When the infected started to take over the city, she ran to your house, got some supplies, told you to get in her car and you guys left. But it wasn’t until a few years ago that you two were reunited after being ripped apart by a giant hoard of infected. You ran into the forest, as far as you could, and she ran in the other direction.

Fortunately for yourself, you were found in that forest by a smuggler named Tess, who took you in; and the rest was history.

You were behind Dina and Ellie, keeping an eye on the woods as you passed on your horses. Your gaze kept going from the tops of the snow dusted trees that were bare of any form of leaves, to the bushes that looked like little clouds that were placed so intricately on the snow dusted ground. The slight movement of the water from the river was what was keeping you calm and grounded, without something as small as the stream of water, you knew you’d go insane from the silence alone. Thankfully, Dina broke the silence and brought you out of your focus and into their quiet discussion you didn’t even realize they were having. ‘Guess I was just really deep in thought then.’ You thought to yourself.

“So, y/n, you and Joel huh?”

You immediately blushed at what she was inferring and looked down at your horse, Eos. Ellie and Dina knew full well about your crush on the man, but you always felt that it was one sided. You saw how he reacted when Tess sacrificed herself for the three of you. He’d hadn’t been the same since. You always felt guilty for what happened to Tess, but Ellie constantly reassured you that there was no way you could’ve prevented that. You knew how stupid it sounded to be scared of rejection, but that was something you had constantly dealt with, even before these apocalyptic times; it just became something you’d become accustomed to now.

Thankfully, Ellie noticed your silence, and took this as enough of an answer.

“Dina, leave them alone.” Ellie said with a sigh, not because she was annoyed, but because she knew exactly what was going on in your head.

You always talked with Ellie about that kind of thing since you both have similar fears. It’s what brought you guys even closer together, knowing that you’d rather die than abandon the other. The amount of times the two of you would stay up late and just let out all of the things you could never tell Maria, Dina and Joel, you’d cry on her shoulder and her on yours if necessary. Then carry on surviving, it was all you two could do in times like these.

“What? I was simply curious is all. The two of them would be the ultimate power couple! like-”

“Dina-” Ellie said stopping her girlfriend from saying anymore, not taking her eyes of the path in front of her to look at Dina behind her. She knew the line, but Dina didn’t see the harm in slightly crossing it.

Dina sighs and stops for your sake and the brunette’s.

You silently thanked her for stopping.

~

Once you guys made it to the abandoned town, you tied the reins of the two horses onto the posts outside of the building and scoped out the area for any infected or hostiles.

It was all clear.

The three of you then regrouped and headed through the front doors together, Ellie surveying your right, her shotgun in hand, Dina on your left with her knife, and you checked straight ahead with your bow. You split off into three directions, and as you looked through the various rooms of the pharmacy, you found a pit that was a far down enough to lead straight to the basement from the middle floor.

Unfortunately, you found it by falling through the hole in the floor and onto the solid concrete floor.

You grunted from the pain of falling on your back and rolled onto your side, and as you tried to get up, you heard loud footsteps come from above you.

“Y/N! Are you okay?” You heard Ellie yell out, hearing what you assumed to be Dina’s footsteps not too far behind her.

“Yeah,” You said with some strain, you definitely bruised your side on your way down. “I think I’m okay.” You slowly began to get up, but your heart began to fill with dread.

Infected were coming your way, to check out the noise you made; it was a lot of them by the sounds of it.

“Ellie! Dina! RUN!” you yelled up to them, but Ellie heard them coming and wasn’t having it.

“Hell no y/n, there’s no way I’m leaving you down there to die!” Ellie then begins to kneel near the hole to put her hand out for you to take, “Give me your hand y/n!” she yells down to you.

You then notice some boxes that you could use as stairs and began to make your way up to meet her hand when you see them turn the corner.

“Oh shit.” You whispered, the tension and fear bloomed into your nerves.

There was at least twenty clickers, runners and god knows what else within the swarm of infected.

“Oh shit!” You yelled again as they gained speed to your location, climbing even faster to meet Ellie. A runner then grabs your ankle and drags you back down to the swarm, where you suddenly feel a pain in your side, but right now that was the least of your worries; you needed to get out of this pit.

“NO!” you hear the girls scream in agony as they see one of their closest friends get dragged into a pit of infected and swarm you; assuming the worst.

Ellie then brought out her pistol without a second to lose, to give you a chance to run, which worked.

You took your chance to get away and ran up the crates up to where Ellie and Dina were covering you so you could have a fighting chance.

“C’mon let’s go!” you heard them yell, as Ellie grabbed your hand and pulled you towards her to make sure you weren’t left behind.

Ellie practically dragged you from room to room, your arm now wrapped behind her neck so you could use her as a makeshift crutch. Dina was in front to take on any infected that came towards you and to lead you two to safety.

Once you managed to make it back to the horses, the idea of finishing the mission Maria sent you to complete on the back burner in the two young girls minds; you were far more important than supplies at this moment. You began your rushed journey home holding onto Ellie on Eos, now fighting against the clock.

Ellie’s P.O.V

As we were running through the forest on Eos and Dina taking Shimmer, since y/n was in no shape to ride Eos alone and Dina was one of the few people Shimmer allowed to ride her without me; I began to think about what I was going to tell Joel.

‘Yeah sorry Joel but I fucked up and y/n almost became clicker bait! Don’t worry though, it won’t ever happen again!’

Any scenario I tell him what happened ends in screaming matches or him leaving camp with them with him in tow, with them alive or dead. I shake my head as I try to go faster.

The thought of them dying for a minor mistake like this began to eat at me. It was scaring the hell out of me, that one of the few people I care for might die; I can’t bare losing another parental figure over some dumb ass mistake like this.

We finally made it back home in record time, and the second those gates opened, Eos ran through those gates all on her own, most likely sensing the fear going through my veins. It was almost as if Eos knew her owner was in danger, she ran towards the doctor’s house and stopped immediately.

I looked towards Dina, who was directly behind me and I didn’t even need to say anything, all she did was look at me and nodded.

“I’ll go get him; you just make sure they get better.” Then off she went, running to Joel’s house.

“Don’t worry y/n, you’re gonna make it, like hell are you going to die on me.” I said to them, but I didn’t know who I was trying to convince here; myself or them. As we walked up, with them using me again as a crutch, I noticed that their skin had paled in comparison to when we were at the store. I started walking faster towards the door.

Y/n’s P.O.V

All you could see was pitch black. Nothing more and nothing less, but your hearing began to slowly come back to focus, just like a swimmer breaking the surface after being under for a few minutes; it became overbearing almost. You managed to focus on one single voice, a voice that caused you immense comfort during your darkest times, just like this one: Joel’s.

“What the hell happened out there you two?”

You didn’t need to see him to know he was holding back on the two girls, but you didn’t blame either of them for this, hell you’re the one that went with them on the run, you knew the risks that’s why you went.

“Joel I’m so- “Ellie; you could hear the tears she was holding back. You saw her as your own daughter, that’s why you didn’t stop Joel from punching Seth, hell if it was you, he would’ve gotten a hell of a lot more than just a punch. The mere thought of him made your hand twitch in rage. That managed to get their attention, or at least Dina’s from the sounds of it.

“Guys- “

“Not now Dina- “ The two said in unison, they were more alike then they cared to say.

“Their hand moved!”

The room filled with silence, until you felt Joel place your hand in his rough yet soft ones.

“Darlin’, are you still there? Please… I can’t lose anyone else, especially not you.”

You tried to move again, but it was as if your body was made of pure lead; it wasn’t going to happen. You felt a head lay on your shoulder and a kiss on your cheek, as two drops of what you assumed to be tears, dropped onto your forehead.

“I’m not givin’ up on you y/n, not now, not ever. You’d do the same for me.”

If you were able to move, you were certainly curled up in a ball next to him and cry at how broken your boyfriend sounded due to your mistake.

-TWO WEEKS LATER-

Saying that you were beginning to get pissed off at this whole situation was the world’s biggest understatement. You could hear everyone around you, but you couldn’t talk back or move. Maria had come in to see you, hell even Tommy joined her a few times, but you felt like that was because he wanted to inform Joel on any new updates on your condition. All you wanted was to hold Joel as the two of you watched cheesy 80’s movies, which made you smile at the thought of.

You weren’t listening to what was going on around you today, for the most part it’s been a doctor coming in and making sure you didn’t kick the bucket just yet.

But now you really wished you were listening to what ever lead up to this moment.

You felt a cold piece of metal press into your forehead, and you had pissed off one too many people to know exactly what that metal was, and your stomach dropped; a gun, the doctor was going to put a bullet in your head.

It was as if your body was shocked with a defibrillator; you jumped out of the bed and hid in the closest thing you could see, which was the closet.

“Holy shit!” You heard the doctor screech and bolt out the door.

‘guess he wasn’t expecting what he got.’ you thought to yourself. ‘Never seen someone scared that shitless.’

You heard footsteps run out the door and then a different pair- no pairs- of footsteps make its way into your room.

“Y/n?” Joel. He’s just outside the closet door. You could make out his face through the gaps in the door, he had his gun out; did he think you would hurt him?

That voice made you whimper, and you scolded yourself for giving away where you were. You slowly got out of your hiding spot, your hands up in surrender, and looked at your lover, finally after who the hell knows how long you’ve been comatose.

“I’m here baby, you can’t get rid of me that easily.” You rushed into the others arms and decided that this is where you wanted to spend the rest of your days; this was home.

“Oh, thank god, oh thank god.” He kept repeating it, but you didn’t care, he was here, and you were both okay- wait the infected! You were bit! The last thing you wanted was to take him down with you.

You pushed him away in fear, you saw his face change from happy to concern, he tried to walk towards you, but you moved back to keep the space.

“How the fuck am I still alive?” You looked to Ellie, who was just as concerned as Joel was for the sudden change. “How long have I been in here?”

“I was bit! I felt it dig its teeth into my side! How the fuck am I still not turned into one of those things?!” You were just about to go into a hysterical episode as you continued, but Ellie went in front of Joel to get to you and held your arms.

She tried to get you to look her eyes, but you were too frantic to meet her eyes. So, she decided that she might as well come out with it.

“You’re just like me y/n, you’re immune.”  

That managed to shut you down immediately.

You looked at the teenager in front of you in complete shock,

‘There must’ve been mistake. You would’ve known already right?’

“I-I’m what?”

Joel moved Ellie to the side gently, and guided you to the bed you’d been comatose in so you could take all this information in, with him on your right and Ellie sitting on the floor in front of you, holding your knee to comfort you.

“You can’t turn into one of them baby.” He confirmed Ellie’s previous statement, and all you could say was something only you could’ve thought of:

“Damn, well at least this will be one hell of a scar and one badass story.” You said nonchalantly as the room filled with your family’s laughter.

“Well that’s one way to think about it. At least that means I can spend the rest of my life with you with one less worry. That is if you let me?”

You looked at him like a deer in the headlights.

Ellie hit your knee, snapping you out of your trance; realizing you didn’t say what you were thinking, you shook your head and placed your hands on the sides of his face. You leaned in and finally kissed him. The taste of that first kiss would stay with you forever; the way his lips molded with yours like a perfect puzzle piece. He placed his hands on your face, pulling you in closer, as if to shield you from the rest of the world.

You pulled away but you both kept your hands on the others face.

“That enough of an answer for you?” You both giggled and leaned your foreheads together.

You heard Ellie hit her knees and curse and walk towards the door, but before she left you saw her turn around.

“Thanks Joel, now I owe Dina a song because you didn’t have enough balls to kiss them first.” Then she walked out the door.

You both moved away from each other as you went into fit of laughter over Ellie’s comment, as Joel looked at you in adoration.

If the apocalypse has taught you anything it’s this; you would go through all of the pain its brought you if you could still have them next to you, no matter the cost , if it brought you to this very moment. You couldn’t imagine a life without either Joel or Ellie in it, right by your side; you three against the world.

[hockeytrashgoblin]

Ice Cold ~Part 17

A/N: Sorry for the wait I’ve been so crazy busy. Enjoy!

We got back to the house just in time for the boys to go to practice. I changed into dry comfy clothes and went out ready to find Morgan and Mitchy. It didn't take much now that I could hear everything. I knocked on the door to Morgan's office and came in when he told me to.

"Hello."

"(Y/n) I'm so happy to see you awake! Mitch has been telling me about your day. How are you feeling?"

"I'm good! I can't even explain how incredible I feel right now. I am kind of thirsty though. Will said that I could have some more when it started to hurt?"

"Yes of course. Mitch will you go prepare a cup for her?"

"Of course. I'll be back in a bit. Give you guys a chance to talk and pretend I can't hear it."

"Thanks Mitchy." He nodded and left leaving me and Morgan.

"I understand you have some questions for me?"

"Morgan I'm pregnant. Or I was? I don't know anymore since I kind of died and I don't know how any of this works. I don't want to tell William until I know a little more."

"Well congratulations. It's not a guarantee that the pregnancy is terminated. There's a pretty high chance that the baby could have been a vampire. You becoming a vampire would be the best thing for it."

"Is there any way I can find out if it was a vampire or not?"

"How far along would you be?"

"Only a couple weeks. Like maybe 4?"

"If you lost the baby your body would expel it like a normal pregnancy. You still bleed as a vampire. You won't have a normal cycle at all but the reproductive system works pretty much the same for children and length of child bearing years. Now if children happen there's no chance of a human baby."

"How is it even possible?"

"It has to do with lineage. William's family are among the few original vampires. He and his siblings can have children. Who turned you also has to do with it although if it wasn't with William it would be very rare."

"Oh okay. That makes sense I suppose."

"You don't need to do most of the prenatal things that mothers usually do now. Your baby will get everything it needs from the blood."

"What do I do to keep up with it?"

"I would be the primary physician. As long as you're comfortable with that of course. I have experience in the medical field. I delivered William and all his siblings."

"I would probably be most comfortable with that actually."

"I'm glad. If you want to be sure about whether the baby is still there you could take another test. It's been long enough since your passing that the hormones would be gone by now if the pregnancy was over."

"Okay I might do that then. Can I go to the store and get one or is it like, not allowed?"

"Do you feel confident that you won't hurt anyone?"

"Absolutely."

"Alright then. I'd like you to go with Mitch if that's alright? It's not that I don't trust you, it's just-"

"Morgan it's okay I get it. I haven't been around people like this."

"He should be ready with your blood now. Go ahead and leave once you feel the burn leave your throat."

"Okay. Thanks Morgan. For everything."

"You're welcome." He gave me a warm smile and I left for the kitchen.

"Goin on a field trip huh? Willy would not like that."

"Why not?"

"Because being around people isn't easy. If he had it his way he'd wait for like a year."

"Well I'm not fucking doing that. Gimme my cup." I took it from him and took a long sip. "That's so much better than it should be."

"I know. You'll get used to it quickly. The eating animals part is hard to get used to but you probably won't have to do that for a while. New vampires don't usually take too well to it until a year or so after changing."

"That's fair I suppose.  I hope it's not too bad of a change when the time comes."

We were quiet while I drank but the drive to the store was full of chatter. He was telling me all about his first few weeks as a vampire and I was telling him about how much I never noticed before that I can now.

"How are you feeling right now with more people around?" He asked as we got closer to the city.

"I feel fine. It's weird being able to smell everyone. I don't think I like that too much. It's a little overwhelming."

"You'll get used to it quick enough.just don't breathe, that helps."

"Mitch how do I just stop breathing? It's such a habit."

"Just stop. You'll still be able to talk and do everything you just won't get as many smells." 

"Oh this is weird." I said trying it out. "Better smell wise but so weird."

"You'll get used to it."

"That's what everyone keeps saying."

"Hey you're already doing a million times better than me. I had already drank from someone and got locked in the cell by this point."

"Mitch I've only been awake for 7 hours!"

"I was wilder than you."

"You're wilder than everyone." I teased laughing with him.

"Alright we're here. Are you ready to go in?"

"Yeah I guess. You're coming too right?"

"Of course. If I see anything that makes me nervous we'll leave. It'll be okay."

"Alright let's go then." I got out of the car and was hit with no many gross smells.

"You're hilarious." Mitch said reading my thoughts.

"Okay well it smells like piss Mitchell what do you want me to say?"

"Nothing let's just go. Put sunglasses on. Your eyes are red."

"Oh shit okay." I took them from him and put them on quickly.

"Don't move so fast. Not very human looking." He whispered as we walked.

We got into the store and out without much trouble. I didn't really worry about picking the best pregnancy test. At this point a dollar store test should be able to tell if I was or not. No one recognized us either which was also good. We got back to the car and back to Morgan's pretty fast. Mitch was definitely speeding. 

"Okay give me some privacy please." I said going into the bathroom.

"Oh come on why?"

"Mitch!"

"It's not like I haven't accidentally seen everything in William's mind already."

"What?!"

"William thinks about you naked all the time. Sometimes it's impossible not to see."

"Well whatever I don't care, I want privacy."

"Ugh fiiiiiine." He walked away and I waited until I heard him go to Morgan's office and start talking to do my thing.

While I waited for the test I couldn't help but hope that it would be positive again. The thought of a little William or little me was just too much for me to handle. A little vampire just so small and precious. I wouldn't be able to really bring my kid around friends until it was older. Wouldn't want them to get bit or anything. But it would really be the most incredible thing to have a little baby right now. I realized I'd just been standing there for a while and flipped the test over. Very strong second line. It was positive. Suddenly the door burst open and Mitch was holding me.

"I'm so happy for you! Congratulations!"

"Thank you Mitchy. I'm so happy." I wiped tears from my eyes. "I really thought that the whole changing thing would've ended the pregnancy but this means the baby was already vampire.. how interesting. Oh God I have to tell Willy!"

"Yeah that would definitely be smart." He said rolling his eyes.

"Shut up." I smacked his arm. "You and Morgan don't tell him anything when you see him. I want to tell him."

"We won't (y/n). You have my word." Morgan said from the doorway.

"Thank you. I appreciate that." 

"We will leave you to yourself for a little while. We have to get going for the game. Will you be okay on your own? Tessa should be home in about 2 hours."

"Yeah I feel okay. Can I have another drink before you guys leave?"

"Oh course. We'll prepare two. One you can have right now and the other in a few hours when your throat starts burning again. You'll need more blood than normal because of the fetus."

"Okay that makes sense. Thank you." 

"You're welcome. We'll leave you be and put the two cups in the fridge. See you later."

"Bye Morgan, Bye Mitchy. Good luck tonight."

"Thanks (y/n) see ya later." Mitch said following Morgan through the house.

I cried a little bit once they left before going down to get a drink. It was a really nice day so I went back out to sit on the ground to sip away. I could feel the wind again like it was buzzing under my skin. The sun felt so good on my face. I picked up an old dead leaf off the ground and twirled it's stem in my fingers. I let it go and it stayed in the air in front of me. I blinked and shook my head and it fluttered to the ground.

This was pretty curious I thought. I tried it again and it happened again. I moved my finger around over top of it and it started to twirl. I decided I had to try with more. I got a few in a pile and concentrated really hard. It was really difficult. I'd only get one or two up at a time. I was getting frustrated. I had been out for a long time trying to make these leaves dance to no avail. I took a frustrated breath and tried again. I got a lot of them to raise but the twirling didn't really work, they just moved in the wind a little bit.

"What are you doing?" Tessa asked breaking my focus, making me drop the leaves again.

"I don't actually know. I could make one twirl so I've just been sitting here trying to do more. That was the first time I got more than two off the ground."

"You're gifted." She said matter-of-factly.

"I am?"

"Well I mean look at yourself, you're manipulating something to keep the leaves up. Morgan said he had a feeling you would be very gifted. I don't know if he saw anything specific though."

"Darn, not very helpful."

"Maybe it's telekinesis? Can you move anything else? I don't know I was just doing the leaves."

"Try to lift up your cup?"

"Okay sure, good idea." I tried my best but it just would not go at all. "Tess, there's no way. I don't feel the vibrations with the cup."

"Well then it must be something else. I'm sure we'll figure it out. Would you like to watch the game with me? It'll give you a mental break and you can think about how you're going to tell William your big news."

"You know?"

"Yes honey Mo told me a long time ago that you would be having a little one soon."

"Oh. Does anyone else know?"

"William has no idea if that's what you're asking." She said sitting on the couch beside me. "You know Mitch so Auston probably knows but he'd never take this away from you."

"I hope you're right. I really want his genuine reaction, not the one after he's processed it, ya know?"

"Yeah I totally get that. You deserve that."

We were quiet most of the game. It was something I really loved about Tessa was that I could just be quiet with her or should I say not say words. I still cheered all the time but it wasn't a conversation at all. After the game was done she got up and stretched, letting out a yawn. With a goodnight, she left for upstairs. I followed not long after. I sat in William's room with the big window open, just sitting and breathing in nature. I heard them talking long before they got to the house. I just stayed put and waited for William up there.

"Hi darling. What are you doing up here?" He asked, sitting down behind me. I held onto his arm that slipped around me.

"Waiting for you."

"Morgan tells me you have some news for me?"

"Yeah I do. Pretty big news actually." I turned sideways in his arms to look at him.

"Tell me then (y/n). Don't leave me waiting in this suspense." He teased kissing me.

"William.. I'm pregnant."

"You're what? Wait really? You are? We are?" He asked, his eyes lighting up as it sunk in. His smile was blinding and so contagious.

"Yeah we are. We're going to have a little baby." 

"I love you so much." He said before giving me a million kisses.

"I love you too. I'm so excited to expand our family."

"Me too. I hope it's a little girl that looks just like you."

"I also want a girl but I want her to have your blue eyes and blonde hair. She'd be so pretty. Or having a little boy that looks just like you would be incredible. I don't care what they are or look like. I'm just so excited."

"You're going to be the best mom in the world." He said, pulling me up towards him.

"You're going to be an incredible dad."

[melforbes]

ask meme. what if. patching up. no I still haven’t seen source material

the way i completely forgot about this ask until i wrote like two paragraphs in this and was like oh shit lmao

the source material is getting an hbo series bb you're in luck also ignore anna whatever as tess yes i respect her as an actress yes she is talented in a bunch of things i have not seen but ms annie wersching is the only tess in my heart and also if i have to endure tess being reduced to a powerbitch stereotype i will start foaming at the mouth. but also i have no feelings about this whatsoever <3

WHAT IF: i will pick an important choice or event in my current project and write three sentences (or more?) about if it’d gone done differently

hmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMm

this is hard because i kind of had a stupid amount of confidence in the decisions i had them make in this and because i have ~a lot of experience~ in flying by the seat of my pants with writing lmaooooo a lot of the time with this ive had some degree of foresight when it comes to certain plot decisions. the only reason i have this in the first place is that with other things ive had kind of sort of plot revelations and then been like "well if i'd set that up three chapters ago it would have a huge impact i think but instead i guess it's just going in this one for a smaller impact" so i think i learned my lesson haha. also because this pairing nowadays has a small and sparse tag i really intentionally put in stuff to make it interesting (maybe the wrong word) to reread. like not Interesting interesting but i wanted there to be certain details that are more relevant on a reread than on an initial read because whenever i read stuff in small tags i tend to read it Multiple Times lmaoooooo and it's like if anyone like me is out there I Will Feed You. I Will Give You Food. you see i have this problem in which im like i dont want to act like i put thought into this because That's Embarrassing and i also dont want to seem like i take this too seriously because That's Embarrassing and also i dont want to act uppity or pompous or something But At The Same Time i do put a lot of thought into certain things and i feel like mentioning that and i dont really want to judge myself for that. it's complicated but also super uncomplicated. where was i going with this

OH right. so most of the plot decisions were made super concretely. like pre breakup arc in the nightmares chapters (which came out so much worse than i intended alkdjksjad;glksjg) when tess and joel talk about ellie Knowing (also legit it is such a trip to me that you dont know the context of that. a trip in a good way) she says we every time and he only ever says i even when she points out that this would affect both of them, and at one point i think he says that tess doesnt understand baseless violence which is 100% untrue, and then there's a bunch of window imagery i put in starting there because im a freak. so like For Once In My Life a lot of this was as planned as it could be. on occasion there's been Plot Revelations that get wedged in (the radio interlude chapter, which was a bit of an inelegant seam between prewritten things that didnt mesh well) but for the most part ive got tits out into every decision. like tess and ellie disagreeing about joel's choice was very planned though i imagine that kind of conversation could be executed many different ways i had my one way and stuck to it. so either way

where was i going with this. did i have a point.

OKAY. let's see. i think one of the big ~emotional beats~ so to speak was the ambush chapter and i think that's the favorite because that's usually where people comment if i remember correctly and initially i wasnt going to go with that tone At All haha. years ago i wrote everyday domestic scenes of mulder and scully from x files and had it all on this blog and it was plotless but largely in the same overarching universe (i say as if it was legit ever That Deep) and after writing this as a oneshot and being like you know? Kind of feel like doing that again. i figured i would just follow the same largely plotless path of legit just domesticity and leave it at that. and i think the first like five chapters are tonally different from the rest because i'd never really intended for it to have plot or really any depth whatsoever. in the end like. How do i say this in a way that wont be interpreted as uppity or something asldkjgalsdgjk like. when i did those mulder scully scenes i was very much a beginner and i think i didnt realize just how inherent that beginner-ness was to the concept itself. which isnt a bad thing! like people had fun with those so far as i remember. bizarrely enough i think people might still read those which. cringe. but you kno!!! but with a few years of distance from that kind of concept i think it was hard for me to Not try something else. especially with this universe in which it's just dense with storytelling opportunity. and also i felt as if the first few chapters were just like super super lighthearted and i wanted some angst factor. which is why in the end the angst factor plot itself is flimsy as fuck. like i did not care WHY they got attacked i just wanted that sweet sweet hurt/comfort cup of tea u feel. and after that i didnt really go for the plot too much But i did edge toward it a lot more. like i mean ultimately this is a romance like it was not intended to be plot heavy ever But it's more plot heavy than it couldve been. had i actually written it as i'd intended from the start i think it wouldve gotten old really fast. like nothing but lighthearted domesticity doesnt make sense in this context. for the first few chapters it doesnt necessarily kill the whole thing imo because like. that's the first few chapters. but after then if there was never any ~deeper thoughts~ i think it wouldve gotten reductive super fast.

hmmm what else. Because i am deciding to talk too much on the internet now.

oh in theory the whole breakup arc couldve been omitted and now in retrospect im like it's hilarious that like the next chapter after they got married i immediately peppered in hints that they would break up lkajsdglaksjgdlkj like wow. That lasted a long time. but like i mean i think with them it fits that they would do something like get married before they even said that they loved each other. like i can see them doing a massive workaround instead of doing a small and simple but vulnerable thing. makes sense 2 me. and like they definitely couldve stuck together in the end but 1 theres interesting storytelling in how maybe joel was too stubborn or maybe they grew apart in certain ways or blah blah blah and 2 I JUST LOVE A GOOD BREAKUP AND THEN RETURNING TO EACH OTHER ARC OKAAAAAAAAAY. legit. favorite trope. if i ever experienced that in real life i would claw my eyes out but in fiction it makes me FERALLLL. and also like i mean i lov these two for their dumb quirks but also like it would be a lil wrong to say there wouldnt be consequences for like. Not communicating haha. also again like the world this game is put in is so full of storytelling opportunities and im like Must Take Them All. like joel is stubborn as hell and shuts down when he's overwhelmed and there is growth in the first game (and in the second too but thats not really shown as much and is more left for the player to fill in the gaps i think) but also i think it would be super easy to regress in that sense and i had fun with putting him in those situations. and it's also super fun to have an additional person for the joel and ellie plots to bounce off of. like joel and ellie are two very stubborn people and having an extra person there to be like You Blithering Idiots has been a good time. im getting sidetracked. like it was fun to answer the question of how these two in a marriage neither of them can fully substantiate would communicate in hard times and the answer i personally found was that they both would end up breaking things. which was fun to write!!!!!!!!! but in theory couldve been prevented. maybe i just cant imagine this a different way haha. like Joel And Tess Learn Healthy Communication Skills Over Time. am i mean for saying that doesnt sound probable aldskjgalskdjgslkgj

OH LMAO THE MARRIAGE PART. that was also a big decision i guess. i wouldnt make it go differently alksdjglasdjg like. i definitely couldve written the context around that many different ways bc again this whole is full of opportunity But a frankly premature wedding just feels right to me. especially with like going from being stuck on survival to being safe for the first time in decades. and then having that sense of safety get boring and wondering why there was that super fast wedding in the first place. cant really imagine it going differently

there is later unposted stuff that could def have gone many different ways and that i tried to make go different ways but that would not be right to talk about akldsjaslkgdjsg so.

this got too long sorry <3

[galadrieljones]

As You Were (Chapter 4)

Fandom: The Last of Us | Pairing: Joel x OC | Content: Fix-it | Rating: Mature

Masterpost

When Joel and Ellie take a wrong turn on their journey from Pittsburgh to Wyoming, they find themselves lost in, what feels like a time warp: a beautiful place with a dark and dangerous secret. While there, they meet Cici and Noah, a mother and son fighting tirelessly for survival, and who have recently endured a terrible tragedy on their family farm. Amidst their joint desire to find hope for the future, the two groups decide set out west together, changing the course of the story (as we know it), and the very course of their lives.

This is an AU, starting after the events of the Summer chapter in the first game, and extending into the timeline of the second game. Joel lives.

Chapter 4: The Trench (Pt. 1 and 2)

“I’m scared of ending up alone.”

1.

She walked along the river, and she found him sitting on the grassy bank, with his feet in. He still had his boots on. “Don’t,” she said, crouching beside him. “You need to take off your boots first.”

“No you don’t,” he said. He smiled. “Come try it out.”

She sat down, but she didn’t put her feet in the water. The river bank was wet anyway. It was getting her jeans damp. She didn’t feel like taking off her boots. “I thought the whole point was to be free,” she said.

“You can be free any way you like,” he said. “That���s the definition of freedom.”

“I guess you’re right,” she said.

The big blue sky cast out above them as opals. There were no clouds. No anxious metal sounds. There were no fears.

“I know you’re pregnant,” he said. He was staring at his boots in the water. “I saw the test.”

She looked down at her hands. Everybody was always doing that. “You saw it?”

“I didn’t mean to. You left it in the trash. Where did you even find one?”

“Amy,” she said. “She had some, from the Wal-mart. I had to pay her with two chickens.”

“Pretty good deal, considering.”

“Are you mad?” she said.

He looked at her with his brown eyes. Sometimes they could be hard as bolts. Today, they were soft. “Why would I be mad?”

“Because we didn’t mean it,” she said. “My dad is gonna kill me.”

“No he won’t,” said Will. He took her hand and pressed his thumb against her knuckles. “Nobody is gonna die.”

Mom. Don’t go back.

“Cici?”

She opened her eyes. When she looked around, she realized it was morning, well past the break of dawn. She had fallen asleep on the couch. She was looking at Joel now. He was standing in the middle of the living room, wearing a new tee-shirt but the same jeans. He had a rifle on his back, and a shotgun. He was looking confused. She sat up and rubbed her eyes. “I’m sorry. Hi.”

“You sleep down here last night?”

“Yeah,” she said. She put her feet on the ground, her face in her palms. “I was just reading, pretty late. I guess I must have been so tired. I slept through the night.”

“Well that ain’t so bad,” said Joel. He hooked his thumbs in his belt loops. “I was just, uh. I was gonna head out, with Noah. He’s gonna show me the work that needs doing on the perimeter. I’m sorry if I startled you.”

“It’s okay,” she said. “You said you’re going with Noah now?”

“Yes, ma’am. He says it shouldn’t take past lunch.”

“I’ll have something ready,” she said. Then, she looked around. “Is Ellie still asleep?”

“No,” said Joel. “She’s out, feeding the chickens and gathering eggs.”

“Oh. Okay, well, good.”

“I think she likes it here,” said Joel, glancing out the window. “She ain’t never spent time outdoors like this before. It’s good for her.”

“I’m glad,” said Cici. She was still sort of out of it. She got up and started walking to the kitchen. “Did Noah make any coffee this morning?”

Joel kind of paused. He seemed taken off-guard but he hid it well. “Noah didn’t mention any coffee,” he said.

“He probably just forgot,” she said, putting a kettle on the stove. “We scavenged a couple big bags from the roastery in town, a couple months ago. I mean, it ain’t fresh, but it does the trick. I can make you some, if you like. It’ll just be a minute.”

Joel walked over to the table. He leaned against one of the chairs. “Uh, sure,” he said. “Sure, that’d be fine.”

“You look dumbfounded,” she said. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” said Joel. “Everything’s, uh, just fine. I just—I ain’t had coffee in a while.”

“How long?”

He glanced down at his watch, which she had noticed early on. It was broken, but she figured there was a good reason he must have kept wearing it, or else it could have just been habit. Grown men were like that, she knew. They just got to doing things for so long sometimes, they forgot why or how. They just kept doing it till they died. “Years,” he said.

“Well, you’re in luck then,” she said. “Would Ellie want some, or is she too young?”

“I don’t think she’d like the stuff,” said Joel.

“Noah doesn’t either,” she said.

Ellie came inside a moment later then, as Cici was boiling the water. She was holding a whole basket full of eggs and looking very pleased with herself. Noah followed behind her with his familiar shotgun set on his shoulder.

“Look at all these eggs,” said Ellie, holding up the basket. “Joel, do you see this?”

"I do.”

“Very good haul,” said Cici. The kettle was whistling. She started pouring the water over the grounds, through a cone, into a mug for Joel. “I’m just making Joel a quick cup of coffee, before you boys head down to the perimeter.”

“You guys got coffee?” said Ellie, sitting down at the table. “Holy shit, Joel. You must be freaking out.”

Joel then gave her a little bit of a side-eye. “I am not freaking out. Though I will admit, it’s a treat.”

Ellie started counting the eggs, one by one. "Anyway," she said. "What do you guys think you’ll see when you go down there? Is it pretty gnarly?"

“Hopefully we'll see nothing,” said Noah. He picked up an apple, from a blue porcelain bowl on the counter. “Hopefully we’ll just finish the trench, reset the mines, and be done.” He took a bite.

"Good," said Ellie.

“I’m just happy to see the two of you out of danger,” said Joel, sitting back in his chair. “Whatever I can do. This place deserves a second chance.”

Cici just focused on the coffee. She wanted it to be good.

When they got outside, Noah took Joel out to the crow’s nest where he wanted to pick up a small canister of gasoline and a lighter and some other stuff, including the replacement mines, and a true blue improved explosive. That one, said Noah, was more or less just some parts his mom had made for a fancy pipe bomb, plus a proximity sensor. He had them up there stored in a backpack. When they got up to the top of the ladder, Joel notice the Pearl Jam poster and did a double-take. In some ways, being on that farm in the middle of nowhere, it felt like he had stepped through some sort of time warp.

“My dad liked them,” said Noah, reading his mind, pocketing a book of matches and loading his 9mm, which he then holstered in the waist of his jeans. “That was his.”

“That’s a blast from the past,” said Joel.

“What year were you born?” said Noah.

The question was surprising, and direct. Both Noah and Cici had these unfiltered ways about them in which they could sit in complete silence for multiple moments at a time, but then, out of nowhere, abruptly come to the truth, simply asking and saying the things they meant with very little pretense or warning. “Uh, 1984,” said Joel.

“Dang,” said Noah. “You’re as old as my Uncle Nick.”

“Who's Uncle Nick."

“My mom’s step-brother," said Noah. "He was old enough that he was in Iraq.”

“What year?”

“2004, I think, was the start of his first tour."

Joel took a deep breath. He had his hands on his hips as he was nodding his head to the memory. “Yeah, I knew a lot of guys that enlisted,” he said, “after 9/11, in 2003. At the time, it seemed like there was something to fight for. It wasn’t that uncommon where I grew up.”

“Did you enlist?” said Noah.

“No,” said Joel, glancing back to the poster. It was a silkscreen, from a concert in Madison, probably back in like 1996.

“Why not?”

“I thought about it, but I had—well, I had other responsibilities at the time.”

Noah just stared at him, unclear.

“Let’s get a move on,” said Joel.

It took them about twenty minutes to get all the way to the section of the perimeter that needed maintenance. Noah said this was an especially vulnerable spot, as it pushed right up against the woods, with a wide frontage to the Kickapoo River just a few miles away on the other side. To get there, they had to follow the creek, which was overgrown in some parts with a great deal of bramble. At some point, they emerged and then had to walk through about five acres of arable land that had gone to seed. There was also a fairly overgrown apple orchard, and a field of actual, farmed corn, plus a stable, in the distance. Most of the trek was downhill, but the sun was hot that day. They were cooking.

Noah didn’t talk much. Joel was getting a little apprehensive about what, exactly, it was they were going to run into out there. He knew they were going to finish digging a trench, and he knew they would have to navigate their way through a live minefield, using the map that Noah had stuffed in his back pocket. He trusted the kid, and he trusted Cici, but he still had no idea what the hell he was doing. Part of him was worried about getting a leg blown off. The other part was amped up, just in case they were set to run into a horde. There were a lot of trees out there, and he didn’t really understand how it was they had kept this place fully booby-trapped in such an organized fashion for so long all by themselves. But then he thought about Bill, back in Massachusetts and suddenly, based on his most recent memories of a life lived with Tess, in which the two of them survived mainly by navigating the loopholes of a fully-fledged but decaying QZ, he began to realize that perhaps the kind of hard work he was used to, in the grand scheme of things, wasn’t that difficult at all.

“You know, I asked your mom yesterday,” said Joel as they scaled down a shallow ridge overgrown with prickly shrubs, “about whether y’all had some idea of what’s been causing the increase in activity out here, with Infected.”

“What did she tell you?” said Noah.

“She told me to talk to you.”

When they got to the bottom of the ridge, they walked a little further out, through a meadow with a dry well. Up ahead, finally, they saw it—the minefield. It was on the other side of an electric fence, about ten feel high. The fence had barbed wire spooled along the top, but it didn’t seem to be properly electric anymore, as there was a huge hole cut in the links, which they took turns squeezing through.

“You know how I told you, the water, coming in from the Kickapoo, the Bad Axe, some other major tributaries off the Mississippi, it’s ain’t safe?” said Noah.

“Yeah,” said Joel.

“Well, one day,” said Noah—he had a machete, which he was now using to hack through some of bramble on the other side of the fence, “about a year and a half ago, we heard a distress call from the Amish. There used to be a whole huge family of them on the other side of them woods, over north. They didn’t use the radio, but they had a hand-powered siren, which they would use to signal any threats in the area.”

“These the Amish that got the scrapyard?”

“Yeah,” said Noah. “They were called the Lapps, before. Anyway, when the siren went off, my dad and my uncle went over there, and some of the other guys in the area that we knew. They thought they were gonna find maybe some reavers, or a small horde, wandering in from the town. But when they got there, it was like, the whole entire family was turning. Every single one of them, like dozens of people, infected, at the same time. It was insane, my dad said. It was starting to rain, so my dad and my uncle, they just herded them all into the barn and locked them in, and then they came home. They said it was bizarre. If one person gets infected and starts turning other people, why did the distress call come in so late? Why weren’t there more dead? Everybody was just sick, they said. All at once, as if they'd all been infected at the same time.”

Joel was focused on his footing, stepping through the tall grasses. There were so many grasshoppers, you couldn’t count. “Did you figure out what caused it?"

“Eventually,” said Noah. “We were used to using a well, which draws on a aquifer, under the ground, for our water. But the Amish, after the Outbreak in 2013, they apparently started hauling their water in straight from the river, fished it all the time.”

“Spores in the river?”

“In all the rivers,” said Noah.

“How?”

“All the tributaries coming into the floodplain, they’re all contaminated. A couple of travelers came through not long after the outbreak at the Lapp farm. They said that every city up and down the Mississippi, and on a major tributary, everywhere is going nuts with Infected. They said that, in LaCrosse, you could see the Cordyceps, growing right off the banks. There was something going on.”

“Jesus.”

“So like a year ago,” Noah continued, “all of us—me, my mom, my dad, and my uncle, we went up to LaCrosse.” He stopped in his tracks then, took a long drink of water from a canteen in his backpack.

“What happened?” said Joel.

“We got cornered by a horde before we could make it into the city,” he said, “in a church just south of Shelby. There was a fire. My mom and me got out, barely. My dad and my uncle didn’t. By the time the two of us got back to Viroqua, the rest of the Amish in the area had either abandoned their farms, or turned. The whole town, anybody left in this part of the Driftless, they were almost all of them gone. Dead, turned, or gone.”

Joel felt heavy, blindsided. He looked at his boots in the tall grass, getting wet from the river marsh. When he looked up now, he could see it there, in its glory: the minefield. Just like a long, flat expanse of grass that spread out, stretching around the property, maybe about twenty yards deep. On the other side of the minefield was the trench, and then a whole lot of trees, growing up the side of a wooded ridge. “Everything you just told me, that’s all true?” he said.

“Yes.”

“Jesus Christ, kid.”

“I know.”

“You said there are others in the area. The Amish who got the scrapyard. Some of them survived?”

“Yeah,” said Noah. “One of the families had been on a supply run, eastward, during the outbreak. They came back, and they stayed. They still live over the hill. There are a few others, a couple families here and there. My Aunt Amy, she was married to my Uncle Nick, she left a little bit after we got back from LaCrosse, went down to the Quad Cities with her daughter. They had family down there, on Amy’s side, in Moline. We’ve tried to keep tabs on what’s going on down there, but it all went dark a while ago. I have no idea if they made it.”

“So you think the Infected, they’re coming down the river, with the spores.”

“Yes.”

“And you don’t know why, or how, the water became like it is? Because it ain’t like that in the northeast. Spores infecting people through the water supply is news to me.”

“We don’t know what’s causing it,” said Noah. “We know there’s something going on in LaCrosse, but we’ve never gone back.”

Joel took a deep breath. “I’m really sorry, son,” he said. “I am. That’s a tough hand.”

“Thanks,” said Noah, shaking his head. “But I doubt it’s any worse than your sob story, or Ellie’s, or any of the other sob stories you must hear traveling around these days.”

“That don’t matter,” said Joel. He regarded Noah, whose cynicism was familiar to his own. “In the grand scheme of things, one loss might seem meaningless, but just because a lot of people are dying that don’t mean the people that you lose, that their lives held any less significance to you when they were still alive. You get that?”

Noah was just staring at him, as if the words he was hearing were foreign, or new. He did, however, nod stiffly, and then he looked away. Joel didn’t know if it had gotten through. He just felt for the boy.

“All the shit we need to do, it’s up there,” said Noah.

Joel squinted past the minefield toward the trench. “It looks like it’s nearly finished.”

“It is,” he said. “The Infected tripped two mines and one bomb yesterday. We’ll clean up the trench, and then we'll replace the explosives. With you here, it’ll be fast.”

“What are the odds we’re gonna run into Infected out there at that trench?” said Joel. “There’s a lot of trees.”

“I don’t know,” said Noah. He took the map out of his back pocket, unfolded it. It was hand-drawn in blue pen. “They hang out in there sometimes, because it’s cool. They get lost, and then they freak out if they hear you. Just like, stay alert. And while we’re in the minefield, follow in my footsteps exactly so that you don’t blow up. We’ll go slow.”

Joel sighed profoundly. He closed his eyes, gathered his courage, prayed to the good lord nothing would happen, knowing it was fruitless, but doing it anyway. “Alright then," he said.

2.

By noon, they had finished the trench. The sun was high, and they were both sweating and starving, ready for some respite. Joel watched Noah assemble the pipe bomb while leaning against a shovel in the shade of a lavish white oak. Noah had about him a sense of precision that suggested he had been doing this sort of thing from a very young age.

“Where the hell did y’all learn to do all this?” said Joel. His gray tee-shirt was almost soaked through with sweat. He was dirty and he could feel the sunburn on the back of his neck.

“My Uncle Nick,” he said. “The one who was in Iraq.”

“That what he did over there?” said Joel.

“Yeah,” said Noah. “It was basically his whole job to disarm these things. He also went to some African countries after his initial tours for demining operations.”

“Goddam. That’s some brave business.”

“Still took a zombie apocalypse and a church fire to kill him,” said Noah, digging out an impression in the dirt with his bare hands. “Fucking clown world.”

“You’re telling me,” said Joel. “You almost done?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I’m gonna go take a leak,” said Joel, looking around. “You good?”

Noah nodded, working carefully. “Just be careful.”

“I will,” said Joel.

After showing her how to sheer a sheep that morning, Cici showed Ellie all the different, easy parts you need to make a perfectly compact pipe bomb. “You can take it with you anywhere,” she said. “You can make them fancy, but they don’t need to be fancy. This gets the job done.”

They were out in the shed, which was more or less a workspace. It was all full of guns, assembled and in pieces, hanging on the wall, and in piles. There were axes, machetes, and two grindstones. There were shelves and shelves of different sized containers and wires, all colors and lengths, lining the walls. As Cici worked, Ellie sat on the tool bench, watching, rapt, by the good light coming through the window. “Where did you learn to do all this?” she said eventually.

“From my step-brother,” said Cici. “He was an EOD specialist in the Army.”    

“What’s that stand for?”

“Explosive Ordnance Disposal.”

"That’s insane,” said Ellie. “Back in Boston, we had some demolition training, but it was basically just like, how to make five different versions of a Molotov cocktail.”

“Those work pretty well, too,” said Cici.

“Later, I met this guy, Bill—he knows Joel—and he had basically trip-wired this entire little town where he lived. He showed Joel how to make nail bombs, too.”

“Nail bombs are not that much different than what we’re doing here,” said Cici. “Maybe a little cruder.”

“Seems a lot cruder.”

“So how do you like it?” said Cici. “Traveling with him? With Joel.”

“It’s okay,” said Ellie. She rested her chin on her knees. “He’s kind of...terse. Just sometimes though. He doesn’t talk much. When he does, I don't know. It’s okay. He seems a little stern, I know, but he's really not that bad.”

“He said you lost some people, back east. In Boston. And in Pittsburgh. I just—I wanted to say I’m sorry. That must have been really hard, and really scary.”

Ellie looked down at her Converse. One of them had come untied. “Yeah,” she said. “It’s not really...easy. I guess.”

“No, it isn’t.” Cici completed the pipe bomb, set it neatly on the workbench between them, like a cake. She didn’t press for details, on Boston, or Pittsburgh. “Voilà,” she said.

Ellie was oddly comforted. “That’s so freakin cool,” she said.

Back at the house, Cici got Ellie started on making a new loaf of bread. Meanwhile, she sliced up a fresh loaf from the pantry and set about making sandwiches.

“So, you go from making bombs to making sandwiches, huh?” said Ellie. She was standing at the counter kneading the dough. It was squishy, she thought. Weirdly satisfying.

“Pretty much,” said Cici. She had prepared four tall ham and cheese sandwiches, on sourdough. Simple fare. For the them, and for Joel and Noah. “Sometimes, we watch movies. Maybe we can watch one tonight.”

“This is my kind of living,” said Ellie.

They smiled at each other.

But then.

“What the fuck was that?” said Ellie.

They heard the mines going off, one by one, well into the distance. A rapid succession. Too many.

"Cici?"

“Shit."

"Was that the mines?" said Ellie. "Are they okay? What the fuck?"

In the trees, Joel zipped up and resituated himself. The thicket out there beyond the trench was quite beautiful. The nature sounds were almost deafening but in a way that suggested an earthly innocence. Joel was used to wearing a backpack, but with a home nearby, he didn’t really need one that day, so he felt light, despite the sweat and the physical exhaustion. Oddly enough, it had felt good to dig and to use his strength for something productive. Rather than killing, he was building for once. It had been a long time. He took the shotgun off his shoulder and checked the rounds. The sound it made was metal and ran in cacophony to the ongoing symphony of the trees.

He’d gone out maybe only ten yards or so, from Noah, who he could no longer hear but he could still see, through a crack in the foliage. He had made sure not to get beyond sight. Ready to head back, he put the gun strap back over his shoulder and took a step, breaking a twig beneath his boot, and the sound should have been innocuous, but instead, it seemed to trigger a familiar, inhuman noise nearby, and then that seemed to trigger another.

Joel swore under his breath, pumped the shotgun, and waited. He stood very still and listened to the cicadas clicking off in the trees in that ongoing rhythm, and out the corner of his eye he then saw something woman-shaped dart between a break in the foliage. If he truly parsed the noise of the thicket he could hear their heavy, frantic breathing. It was stalkers.

In slow silence he backed out of the thicket and made his way back to Noah at the trench. Noah was finishing up his wiring of the pipe bomb to the motion sensor and said something about how they were pretty much all set to go, whenever Joel was ready. Joel shushed him.

“Fuck,” said Noah, in a whisper. He picked up his shotgun off the earth. “What is it?”

“Stalkers,” said Joel. “I caught sight of one, but there’s more.”

"If we stay quiet, we can—”

But it was too late. They heard unsteady footsteps coming up the thicket. Raising their guns, they waited. A runner, looked to be a man, dressed in fishing gear stumbled out of the trees, bloodied up, shivering and afraid. Joel and Noah tried to stand perfectly still, but it saw them, and they were backed against the minefield, and it was no choice. Joel blew the thing’s jaw clean off. It dropped to the soil in silence, but the sound of the gun brought the stalkers out of the trees.

“Follow as close as you can,” said Noah.

“I will. Now go.”

It happened fast. As they navigated the mines, the sounds of the Infected in the woods rose up behind them in a maelstrom. There were way too many, maybe two dozen, must have been dormant in there, fucking lulled under the shade. When they got to the fence, Joel and Noah slipped back through the other side, turning around to watch a whole shitload, gnashing through the trees and descending upon the perimeter in total disorganization. Several fell into the trench, and the rest tripped the mines, plus the brand new pipe bomb, causing loud explosions that shrouded the whole field in a cloud of dust and smoke.

Joel and Noah hit the earth. It was so loud, Joel could feel the ringing in his ears vibrating in his teeth, and when, as he caught his bearings, he finally looked up, realizing it wasn’t over, Noah was dragging him to his feet, shouting something incomprehensible. Then, GET BACK. Scrambling into the tall grass, Joel watched as Noah lit up the canister of gasoline with a couple rags and chucked it as far and hard as he could past the barbed wire spools over the fence. When it landed, it blew to high heaven and in its wake, the sounds of all the Infected leftover from the mines turned to chaotic agony. There were birds dismounting from the trees in all directions, squawking. Then, a deadly quiet.

“Fucking shit,” said Noah, stumbling backward. He fell to his hands and knees, coughing from the dust.

As the ringing died down in his ears and in his molars, the afternoon seemed to crack wide open. Joel was on his back, staring up at the clear blue sky. “You okay?” he said.

Noah was heaving now, out of breath, covered in the detritus from head to toe. He walked over, held out his hand, hauled Joel back to his feet. “Yeah,” he said. “You?”

“I’m okay,” said Joel. He dusted himself off, still coughing and waving his way through the dust. He tripped forward to the fence and pressed into it, trying to make anything out at at all in the minefield. He could see some of the blistering bodies, smell the explosive energy, the roasting, human carnage. It was horrific. Then, he saw the trench. “Goddammit,” he said. “The whole thing is pulled up again.

Noah was keeled over, squinting out at the trees. “This place is fucked,” he said, more to himself than anything. “Lets get the fuck out of here.”

Cici took the walkie out of her back pocket. She shouted into it for a while, but nobody answered. She then rushed them out of the house.

"Where are we going?" said Ellie.

"Crow’s nest.”

Up the ladder, Ellie felt like she was just blowing in the wind, no direction. But Cici had kicked into some sort of military high gear. She was holding a sniper rifle, which Ellie did not remember seeing her grab. She then handed Ellie a loaded rifle of her own, which had been hanging on a hook by the door. It felt heavy and wooden, but Ellie understood it. Cici asked if Ellie knew what to do.

“Yeah,” said Ellie, shaken. “Joel showed me. In Pittsburgh."

She then handed Ellie a pair of binoculars, told her to watch the horizon, westerly. Ellie did as she was told.

The sun was hot. There were no clouds. The sky was big and blue, as a gem. She spotted a few plumes of smoke at the perimeter, but she didn't see Noah or Joel. If she couldn't see Joel, she didn’t know what she was supposed to be looking for. All those explosions had sent her into an adrenaline-baked sort of panic, so that when Cici finally got Noah on the walkie, Ellie was so fucking relieved, she let go of the binoculars so that they thudded to the floor. She felt stupid, picked them up immediately, but then closed her eyes and felt an unexpected flood, again. Like she wanted to go home. Whatever that meant. But it was really powerful. She thought she might puke. She held it inside. “Holy shit,” she said.

“We’re okay,” said Noah over the walkie. “Infected ambushed us at the trench. But it’s done. Over.”

“Thank fucking god,” said Cici. “Me and Ellie got the scope on your location, just in case. Over.”

“Thanks,” said Noah. “I’m pretty sure they’re all fried. But they took the trench with them, and a bunch of the mines. We had to light up the rest with gasoline. The whole section is fucked up, even worse than before. Over.”

“Jesus Christ,” said Cici, hanging her head. “Okay. You boys just get back here. Over.”

“Okay."

Over.

Ellie watched then as Cici set down the walkie and leaned, slowly, against the rifle, almost struggling to keep her balance. She had her eyes pressed shut, as if praying. Her blond hair was braided over her shoulder, but the plaits were all loose now. “Fuck,” she said, in a whisper.

"They're okay," said Ellie.

But Cici was talking to herself then. Not in a crazy way, just a stressed way, almost like she had forgotten that Ellie was in the room. “I can’t do this anymore,” she was saying.

"That’s my fucking brother," he said.

She was not okay, in the radio tower.

"Screw it."

Ellie went over to Cici and placed her hand on Cici’s shoulder. She didn’t want to be standing there alone anymore, and the smell of the smoke was starting to waft in with the breeze.

[hello-im-not-a-possum]

Who said black cats were just bad luck? (Prompt: Stars)

Nathan Arch and Joey Drew had been ‘friends’ since the pair were young boys. Nathan was a studious child who even at a young age, took his family’s image and reputation seriously and saw supernatural forces as nothing more than silly superstition and myths. Joey on the other hand, was an energetic and mischievous little imp of a child who believed in the supernatural forces. So naturally, they hated each other on sight at first.

In childhood, the boys’ relationship was strained even further by their parents forcing them to be the best of friends when the pair barely had anything in common aside from their mutual dislike for having their afternoons, weekends, and summers being ‘wasted’ in each other’s presence.

This had led to Nathan bullying the smaller kid, nothing like punching or kicking the impish boy, Nathan Arch was no brute. But he did make fun of Joey, a lot. Most often by mocking his supernatural interests, calling them silly and childish as well as occasionally ruining the boy’s belongings whenever he was too irritated to deal with him. Joey of course didn’t take this lying down and had retaliated by playing nasty pranks on Nathan; shaking up soda bottles, putting creepy bugs in his things, drawing rude pictures into his school books, things like that.

Nathan compared the ritual circles in Joey’s father’s books to something like “wishing on a shooting star, but this one is just drawn on the ground with chalk.”, and Joey would fill his school bag with earthworms. Joey would tie Nathan’s shoes together and laugh as he fell on his face, and Nathan would throw one of Joey’s sketchbooks in a muddy puddle.

Then, ‘the incident’ happened and Joey returned from visiting Henry’s hometown with an injured leg and now had a haunted look in his eyes.

The boys’ petty rivalry was snuffed out soon afterwards; Nathan knew that guilt would eat him alive if he tried anything and Joey seemed to wrapped up in his own struggles to even bother trying to mess with Nathan. Either out of pity, guilt, or a mix of the two, Nathan did try to reach out to Joey, whether it was with a ‘get well soon’ card that came in a gift basket or seeing him in person at the hospital, but it was obvious that it was a bad idea for him to push anything further.

Whether their parents decided it was in poor taste to continue to shove them together in the hopes of them being friends or some Doctor gave an order for Joey to rest, the two drifted apart shortly after the incident. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few years later, Nathan Arch had gotten into a good college and was just setting up his side of the Dorm when he heard someone else come in.

“Archie? Is that you? How long has it been?!”

Turning around to face his new roommate, Nathan Arch’s eyes widened in surprise at the sight of the man he hadn’t since childhood. Joey carried around a cane now for obvious reasons, he had gone from a pipsqueak of a child to a beanstalk of a young adult, and he was a lot neater (at least, appearance-wise) than he was as an unruly little imp. But the mischievous spark had been re-lit in his eyes.

“Drew? Why, I haven’t seen you in ages!”

He hesitated for a second, what was he supposed to do? It wasn’t like he could just pretend that their history was nothing but dust under the rug, but at the same time, he’d much rather carry on a conversation that matched Joey’s upbeat tone... No, this was just like medicine, swallow it down first and fast, and then it does its job.

“Joey... About how I treated you when we were kids... I’m Sorry. It was petty and cruel of me to take out my frustrations on you when neither of us had any say in the matter of how our lives went. And I deeply regret it, I can understand if-ACK!”

He was cut off by Joey crushing him in a bear hug.

“I forgive you, you verbose, pompous airbag.”

Rolling his eyes at the insult, Nathan hugged Joey back.

Having Joey as a roommate was an... interesting experience. It was a mostly positive one as in spite of his cheerful demeanor and strong preference towards the arts as opposed to business or something of that sort, he was not a man child and did follow the rules and assigned chores of the dorms.

Compared to other students at the college, Nathan probably lucked out when he got Joey, but there was just one little thing about Joey that bothered him, nothing too serious, just a little itch of a problem.

For the most part, Joey talked about his father’s arcane tomes and spell books a lot less than he used to as a kid, but now on the once in a blue moon occasion where he did speak of the occult, he took it a lot more seriously. Perhaps even more seriously than christian priests teaching the word of God. The man treated magic how Nathan wished Joey would treat money; warning against using it frivolously, not using it when he didn’t need it, and looking into the pros and cons of each and every spell before using it.

It didn’t come up often enough for Nathan to be too nervous, but there were a few instances in college where Joey’s occultism was strongly noticeable, and not just on Halloween...

While Nathan was mature enough to keep his thoughts to himself, some things could never change. Like his views on the supernatural. He still saw magic as something fictional, but he also saw how important it was to Joey, and part of him feared that bringing up his opinions about magic would send the two back into being rivals, so he kept his mouth shut.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

While the four years of college flew by a little too quickly for Nathan’s liking, he was pleasantly surprised by how well those four years had not only repaired his and Joey’s relationship. Going from near strangers with an unpleasant history to genuine friends who kept in touch with each other even after college was just a memory in the rear-view mirror of the past. Heck, Joey even was the best man at Nathan’s wedding! And he had the pictures on his mantle piece to prove it!

Nathan was looking through a scrapbook Joey had made and sent to the happy couple as a wedding gift. It contained various pictures of the dates the two went on and the last few pages were pictures of the proposal itself. Nathan smiled as he flipped through the book, wondering what kind of gift he should make Joey in return for his own wedding (if he ever decided to marry).

But that smile fell into a concerned frown as he saw the last page; symbols he recognized from Joey’s spell books: a long forgotten language within a circle that entrapped an upside-down star. The ‘explanation’ was that this was a good luck spell wishing him and Tessa a happy future as husband and wife.

He sighed, closed the book with a little more force than he meant to, and flopped down on the couch. As if she could sense that he was upset, Tessa had come into the living room right as he tossed the book to the other end of the couch.

“Nate? What’s wrong?”

“I’m scared, Tess.”

“About Joey?”

“Yes, I had assumed that he’d grow out of this silly superstitious nonsense sometime when he genuinely matured into adulthood, but if anything, he’s gotten even worse! It’s one thing to go to church every Sunday or to read a Torah, but at best what he’s getting himself into is setting himself up to be scammed by every phony fortune teller on the block and at worse it’s genuine devil’s worship!”

Tessa nodded in sympathy.

“So do you just need to get this off your chest or do you want advice, Dear?”

Unbeknownst to the couple, a shooting star past by outside.

“Well, as much as I’d like to get advice, I don’t know what on earth could work, Joey and I were practically at each other’s throats all the time before ...his incident. While “magic” was there for him for his entire life... I want to help him out of this but I don’t want to lose him as a friend. I just wish I could understand him and why he’s so invested in all that sorcery-crap!”

“You know Nate, sometimes I feel the same way.”

“The floor’s all yours, Doll.”

“I think I can understand the appeal of just wanting to snap your fingers and make every problem you have get carried off by living furnature or whatnot but magic always seems like it’s out to get you! I wish I knew why anyone for that matter would see magic as anything other than trouble.”

The pair sighed in unison and it was Tessa’s turn to flop down on the couch.

“So Tess, where did you get the new hat?”

“New hat?” she raised an eyebrow and reached up to her head “I don’t remember getting a new ...hat...”

She took the pointed witch’s hat off of her head and looked at it in pure disbelief before looking back to her husband and practically jumping back in fear.

“Tessa?! What’s wrong?!”

“Nathan... D-don’t panic, but...” she fumbled around in her purse for her compact case before pulling it out and clicking it open, handing it over to her husband.

Nathan’s jaw dropped open by a cartoonish degree as he saw his reflection; white fur was quickly sprouting up all over his face, getting framed with black fur that spouted on the rest of his body. In a matter of mere seconds, he didn’t even look like a human being anymore! He looked more like that fat cat character in the comics he saw Joey draw.

He looked down at himself and screamed when he saw that the rest of his body had also changed, and when he looked back up to his wife, he screamed again as he realized that she too had gone under some kind of transformation.

Her normally brightly colored attire was replaced by a floor-length black dress. She was still human, or at least, much more human than he was, but she looked simplified in a sense, more like a living drawing of herself. Her pie-cut eyes were filled with concern as she saw the fear in his eyes.

“Oh don’t tell me...”

Nathan bit his lip and nodded.

[theyearoftheking]

Book Sixty-Two: Full Dark, No Stars

“Come 2030, only the rats will be happy.” 

Constant Readers know I consider Steve’s novellas to be the strongest of his works. It’s his sweet spot, and Full Dark, No Stars is absolutely no exception. These dark, twisty stories knocked me on my ass. Truly. They even inspired me to do something I never do... turn to the interwebs to get insight. I knew these four stories had something in common... they were bound by some theme I couldn’t quite put my finger on. 

Well, according to Wikipedia, that theme is retribution. If you had asked me, I would have guessed rats. Because every damn story seems to include some cringeworthy scene involving rats. I just can’t handle them. Despite my beloved Sarah Silverman recently saying on her podcast that rats are just an uglier version of squirrels. Maybe I’m too much of a midwestern girl- give me the damn squirrels any day. 

But back to retribution! This is the darkest, dirtiest collection of stories about retribution I’ve ever come across. Trigger warnings abound: rape, violent murder, and rats. 

Here’s the requisite list of Easter eggs before I get into the stories:

“Chap in the belly”- which was a phrase we read countless times during Susannah’s pregnancy in The Dark Tower

“Happy Crappy”

Derry: with additional nods to The Barrens and Bill Denbrough’s mom 

Juniper Hill

“Long Days and Pleasant Nights”

“Fall of the Towers” 

Heminford Home, Nebraska: I can’t take any credit for this one, Wikipedia helped me with this Easter egg. But- this is Mother Abagail’s (The Stand) hometown; and it’s also where Ben Hanscom (It) moves when he’s all grown up. 

The first story is 1922; and heavily influenced by Edgar Allen Poe. With a side of rats. The story is written in the form of a letter from Wilfred James, confessing to the murder of his wife, Arlette James. They had some disagreements about whether or not to sell their farm, and he solved the issue by killing her and throwing her body in a well. Their son, Henry was an accomplice to the murder, and the letter details Henry’s subsequent downhill slide after witnessing his mother’s murder. The most graphic part of the entire story is a rat ripping the udder off one of the cows. I just cringed. So much cringing. But it’s got atmosphere for days. 

The second story is Big Driver; and I think it’s the most disturbing thing I’ve ever read by Steve. Tess, the author of the Willow Grove Knitting Society series accepts a last-minute speaking invitation from Ramona Norville at the Chicopee Public Library. As she’s leaving the event, Ramona gives Tess a short cut to keep her off the highway. Tess ends up with a flat tire, and the good Samaritan who ends up stopping to help her change her flat, violently rapes her, and leaves her for dead. Trigger warning: it’s a graphic story. Tess doesn’t want to bother calling the police; so she takes justice into her own hands. After some internet research, she finds out Ramona is actually the mother of the man who raped her, and she may or may not have intentionally sent Tess on the alternate route. Tess refuses to be a victim, and takes care of business. It’s bloody, but she gets hers in the end. 

Third up is Fair Extension; which is the most honest of all the stories. It’s human nature to hate when good things happen to people we don’t deem worthy. But what if you had the opportunity to reverse another person’s luck? Would you do it? Would you pay for it? How would you feel sitting back and watching one bad thing after another happen to this individual? Would that honestly make you feel better about your life? 

Finally, we have A Good Marriage. This is the story that every single true crime documentary and Dateline special is based on... how well do we really know the people in our lives? Do you think you could be married to a murderer? Where are they hiding the evidence? Steve actually based this story off the Dennis Rader, the BTK Killer. That’s Bind, Torture, Kill for all you non-murderinos out there. I mean... just look at this dude... does he scream serial killer; or bored, suburban dad?

 This was my personal favorite in the collection, but they’re all delightfully dark in their own way.

We even had a Wisconsin mention! Steve based 1922 on a book called Wisconsin Death Trip, which included photos from Black River Falls. Steve was impressed with the isolation in both the geography and the individuals. I’ve spent a decent amount of time in Black River Falls: it has a large rest stop which I have visited and enjoyed many a lunch on my way back from northern Wisconsin. I have enjoyed the views of the falls (yes! actual falls!) and the large moose at the truck stop. FYI: the book is out of print, but you can get copies on Amazon for about $31. I know what’s going on my Christmas list this year!!

Total Wisconsin Mentions: 41

Total Dark Tower References: 59

Book Grade: A+

Rebecca’s Definitive Ranking of Stephen King Books

The Talisman: A+

Wizard and Glass: A+

Under the Dome: A+

Needful Things: A+

On Writing: A+

The Green Mile: A+

Hearts in Atlantis: A+

Full Dark, No Stars: A+

Rose Madder: A+

Misery: A+

Different Seasons: A+

It: A+

Four Past Midnight: A+

Stephen King Goes to the Movies: A+

The Shining: A-

The Stand: A-

Bag of Bones: A-

Duma Key: A-

Black House: A-

The Wastelands: A-

The Drawing of the Three: A-

The Dark Tower: A-

Dolores Claiborne: A-

Nightmares in the Sky: B+

The Dark Half: B+

Skeleton Crew: B+

The Dead Zone: B+

Nightmares & Dreamscapes: B+

Wolves of the Calla: B+

‘Salem’s Lot: B+

Song of Susannah: B+

Carrie: B+

Creepshow: B+

From a Buick 8: B

The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon: B

The Colorado Kid: B-

Storm of the Century: B-

Everything’s Eventual: B-

Cycle of the Werewolf: B-

Danse Macabre: B-

The Running Man: C+

Cell: C+

Thinner: C+

Dark Visions: C+

The Eyes of the Dragon: C+

The Long Walk: C+

The Gunslinger: C+

Pet Sematary: C+

Firestarter: C+

Rage: C

Desperation: C-

Insomnia: C-

Cujo: C-

Nightshift: C-

Faithful: D

Gerald’s Game: D

Roadwork: D

Lisey’s Story: D

Christine: D

Dreamcatcher: D

The Regulators: D

The Tommyknockers: D

Next is 11/22/63; which I have read and loved. I also really enjoyed the series on Hulu as well, and James Franco does an excellent job as Jake Epping. And he’s easy to look at. So there’s that. 

Until next time, Long Days & Pleasant Nights,

Rebecca

[marjorie189]

Chapter 3

Y/N POV:

I woke up to the sensation of water. It was all over my sheets and body.

I screeched in disbelief.

I saw Froy, Emilio, Ivan, and Mason wetting me with water guns.

I hid under my blankets and screeched for them to stop, and of course they had a camera.

I soon felt the water stop.

"Ahh man! The guns don't have no more water. " Froy said disappointedly while sadly looking down at the gun.

I took the chance and attacked him.

I pushed him down to the floor and got on top of him. I got a water bottle near me and wet his face. His hair and face were soaked.

He gasped in shock.

"Didn't Shawn teach you to have mercy on people??" Froy said smirking.

"Oh get out!!" You laughed pointing at the door.

Ivan laughed, "Well I think one of us is going to make breakfast. If you'd like some?"

"Yeah for sure. I'm gonna shower first. So see you in a few." I said.

"See you downstairs, Mas." I said blowing a kiss at him.

He giggled and they all left.

I got the wet clothes off of me and headed for the shower.

I showered quickly to head to breakfast.

Once I got off the shower I put a towel over my body and headed to the closet.

I put some comfortable clothes on, because I didn't know what the plans for today were.

I went down stairs and saw Jazzy cooking up some waffles for everyone.

"Morning guys!" I said overly excited.

"Morning!" They replied.

I sat next to Mason and saw him eating waffles with syrup.

"Did you like sleeping over??" I asked him.

He nodded vigorously. I chucked.

I got the Nutella and fresh strawberries, to add onto the waffles.

"That's looks really good." Tessa said sitting next to me.

"You want some??" I asked.

"Just a bite." Tessa said.

I grabbed the waffle a led it to her mouth, she took a bite.

"Aww you guys look like a happy couple!!" Bethany said.

Everyone laughed.

"It's actually really good!!" Tessa said.

I nodded, "I know."

"So what are the plans for today??" Emilio asked.

"I don't know. What do y'all wanna do??" I said.

"CAN WE PLAY HIDE AND GO SEEK?" Mason said excitedly.

"That actually sounds like fun!" Jazzy said.

"Yes! We can even make a video out of it?!" Ivan said.

"That's perfect! We can have fun and make a video at the same time!" Bethany said.

"Who's it?" Mason said.

"NOT IT!!" We all yelled, the last one who yelled was Emilio.

"Aww man! I'm it!" Emilio said disappointedly.

We all laughed and all grabbed gopros to record ourselves.

"Count for 100 seconds!" Froy yelled and ran off.

3rd Person POV

They all ran recording themselves, showing their hiding spots.

Y/N ran off to the library and hid in between the isles of book shelves. She got a blanket from a chair and began reading Harry Potter.

Mason ran to the gaming room and hid behind a huge game. His small body his perfectly behind the huge gaming device.

Froy hid in Y/N's Range Rover. The windows were tinted, it would be difficult to find him.

Ivan hid behind the huge water slides outdoor. The slides were higher that 60 ft, it was great spot to hide behind.

Bethany hid in the recording studio. She hid in the soundproof room, which was perfect if she made a sound.

Tessa hid in the elevator, no one would think that someone would hide in a elevator.

Jazzy hid in the Bowling Alley. She hid inside the couches. She was petite, she could fit anywhere!

Emilio started looking around the kitchen since that's where everyone was before they started playing hide and go seek.

He looked under the little room under the staircase. He found no one.

"So far I have no luck guys!" Emilio said walking around the first floor.

He went into a few other rooms and gave up on the first floor. He went onto the elevator and found Tessa!

"Nooo! You weren't supposed to go on the elevator!!" Tessa said laughing.

"You're the first one I found! So you'll have a punishment!" Emilio said evilly.

"What?? I did not approve of this!" Tessa said.

"Too bad! No you have to help me find the others." Emilio said.

"The huts! The ones next to the pool!" Tessa said excitedly.

"Good idea! That's a good hiding spot!" Emilio said and they both headed outside.

They looked inside the huts and no one was there. They walked around the backyard, where the huge slides were.

They heard some noise, they quietly followed it and found Ivan.

They walked around and soon started finding each of the members slowly.

The last few members they haven't found was Jazzy and Froy.

"I can't believe you were reading Harry Potter while you were hiding." Tessa said shaking her head.

"Don't judge me! It's a good book! I have to finish them all so I can have a Harry Potter movie marathon!!" Y/N said flinging her arms about over her head.

"Yeah no! It's not a good book." The boys said jokingly to y/n.

"Where can they be?" Emilio said, since he was it.

"Have you checked the garage?" Ivan asked.

"Actually, no! Let's go!" Emilio said running to the garage.

In the garage they opened up all the vehicles and found Froy in Y/N's Range Rover.

"Wait?! Did I win??" Froy said happily.

"Nope! We still have to find Jazzy!" Bethany said.

"What!!" Froy said disappointedly.

We all laughed and continued looking for her.

"What haven't you checked?" Y/N asked.

"The Merch room, bowling alley, movie room, sauna." Emilio listed.

"Well the bowling alley is the closest. Let's check there." Tessa suggested.

They all agreed and checked the bowling alley. It was empty. They looked around and they didn't find Jazzy.

"Let's check the Movie theatre." Emilio said giving up.

They all nodded and started walking out.

Tessa being the clumsiest from the group, fell onto the couch in the bowling alley. Creating a huge noisey impact, causing two screams.

One was Tessa's and the other was unknown. It came from the inside of the couches.

Everyone was confused from the unknown scream. They reluctantly checked the inside of the couch and found Jazzy.

"Omg! What was that??" Jazzy said petrified.

"I accidentally fell onto the couch." Tessa said laughing.

"Now you have to get blindfolded and get your punishment." Emilio said evilly.

Tessa got blindfolded, and her best friends were going to make her walk into the pool.

"Ok just walk a little more forward!" Emilio said, holding back his laughs.

"O-oh ok...You sure??" Tessa said nervously.

"Oh yeah!! For sure!!" Emilio said.

Tessa stepped into the pool and she screeched.

"AHHHHHHHHH!!" She yelled and the water cut her off.

They all laughed except for Tessa.

She got out of the pool and ran into her room to shower.

They all laughed and went inside to wrap up the video.

Y/N's POV

Once we all wrapped up the Hide and Go seek video we started to make plans for the day.

"Heyy!! We should go to Skyscraper that has the glass slide. It's in Downtown L.A." Bethany suggested excitedly.

"That sounds like fun!" Mason said.

"Yeah it's a glass slide that comes out of the skyscraper and you go through it and you can see the view of L.A. It's a 1000 feet up" Bethany rambled.

"Wait lemme see a pic!" Jazzy asked.

" Yeah! Hold up." Bethany said.

"That's looks like so much fun!!" I said.

"Do you wanna go Mas?" Froy asked Mason.

Mason nodded vigorously.

I chucked.

"Alright let me go change Mason." I said taking his hand.

"Alright I'll let Tessa know where we're going." Jazzy said.

I nodded and Mason and I went to my room.

"I can't wait to go on the slide!!" Mason said jumping up and down while I looked for his outfit.

I giggled, "Alright! But don't get scared!"

I changed Mason into his outfit.

"Y/N!! You should wear your blue adidas pants too! So we can match!!!" Mason said cutely.

"Oh my god! That's a good idea Mas!" I said kissing his cheek before getting my outfit ready.

I wore a cropped white thrasher shirt, black fishnet tights under blue adidas sweats.

Makeup:

Hair:

"Alright let's go Mas." I said and we went downstairs while everyone was waiting for us.

"Wow finally the guys are ready on time" I said laughing.

The girls laughed and the guys faked laughed.

We all got onto the SUV, blasted some music and started vlogging.

Once we got to the building we got in and went to the floor in which the slide took place.

"Omg I'm so excited yet nervous!!" Tessa said.

"Omg me too!! Take a picture of me for Instagram when I'm on the slide!" I said to Tessa.

"Omg yes! You definitely have to take of picture of me too!" Tessa said excitedly.

We giggled.

Ivan was going first.

"Oh god I'm nervous." Ivan said.

"Just don't look down. You know just 1,000 feet up in the air! No worries...." Emilio said.

We all laughed and he slid down.

It was then Froy's turn and then Emilio.

After Emilio slid down the slide, it was Mason's turn to slide down.

"Are you scared Mas?" I asked him.

"A little. But it looks like fun!" Mason said.

"Alright! You ready Baby?" I asked.

He nodded and slid down the slide.

"Go Mason!!" We and rooted for him.

He looked back at us and giggled.

The guys took him once he met the bottom of the slide.

"Alright I'll go down next." Jazzy said fiercely.

"Alright girl! You got this!" Bethany said.

Jazzy slid down and so did Bethany.

"Oh my god I'm so nervous." Tessa said.

I decided to mess with her.

I was going to pretend to push her into the slide.

I pretended to push her in and she screamed.

"Y/N!! I'm gonna kill you!" Tessa yelled.

You laughed and she giggled.

Tessa slid and I took her picture.

I then sat on the glass slide. It looked beautiful but I was 1000 feet up in the air, so if you look down it feels like you're going to fall down.

I slid down and Tessa snapped my picture.

I showed Tessa the picture I took of her!

Then Tessa showed me the picture she took of me.

"Omg! I love it! Thank you Tess!" I said and hugged her.

"How was it Mas??" I asked him kneeling down at him.

"It was really scary!! But it was fun!" He said happily.

"I'm happy you had fun!" I said kissing his forehead, standing up.

"Do you want some ice cream, Mas?" Emilio asked him.

Mason nodded his head.

"Yaaa! I want ice cream!" Mason said.

We all laughed and went across the street to get ice cream.

At the ice cream shop, everyone ordered their ice cream.

We all went outside and walked around Downtown L.A.

Paparazzis snapped pictures of us eating our ice cream. We walked around looking at the beauty of Downtown L.A.

Once it started getting dark we went back to the SUV. It can be dangerous once it's dark, we would've stayed but we had Mason.

We didn't want anything bad happening.

On the drive home, Mason fell asleep.

"He's passed out!" Froy whispered.

"Yeah! I think he had a lot of fun!" Jazzy said.

I laughed, "He did!"

I felt my phone vibrating, it was Dylan.

"Hey what's up, Dyl pickle" I said giggling at his nickname.

"Nothing much sis, we just wanted to come over to pick Mason up." Dylan said.

"Alright. Well right now we're in Downtown L.A. So just go inside the house. We're on our way!" I said.

"Alright Garrett and I will be waiting inside! Love you! " Dylan said.

"Alright see you there! Love you too!" I said ending the call.

-

Once we got home, we all got off the SUV.

Ivan carried Mason, taking him into the house.

He laid him down on the living room couches.

We saw Garrett and Dylan in the house.

I hugged them, and they of course messed up my hair.

I rolled my eyes and fixed my ponytail.

"Mason's sleeping." I told them.

"Maybe we can stay a while. So he can rest for a bit. He'll probably wake up when we take him to the car." Garrett said and Dylan nodded.

"We could go into the kitchen. So we could be close to Mason, in case he wakes up?" I suggested and we headed to the kitchen.

I sat on the counter and the twins stood up against the counter.

"So what's up sis?" Garrett asked.

"Nothing much. What about you guys?" I asked them.

"Nothing really. You know the normal." Dylan replied.

I nodded.

"So do you have any plans tomorrow?" Garrett asked.

"I don't think so? Probably just hang out with the others." I guessed.

"Well since we haven't had a older sibling hangout. We were thinking that maybe we could hang out tomorrow. The three of us!" Dylan suggested.

"Yeah and Mason has a play date tomorrow! So it can just be the older siblings. Like the good old days!" Garrett said.

I hopped out of the island and hugged them.

"Of course! That's sounds like so much fun! I've missed the three of us hanging around." I said into their chest.

Once we finished our conversation they had to go.

They carried Mason out to car.

I followed them and watched them buckle Mason.

"Alright baby sis, so brunch tomorrow at 11:30!" Dylan said he gets out and closes the back door. He then comes over to me and hugs me then kisses my forehead:

He let's go of me and does around the car to the drivers side getting in.

See you tomorrow SNOWFLAKES! Garrett says giving me a hug then getting in himself.

"Yeah! See you guys tomorrow!" I said blowing them a kiss.

"Alright! The cafe in Beverly Hills?" Garrett said.

"Alright guys I'll be there! Love you boys!" I said as they drove away.

I went inside and took a shower.

I then changed into some pajamas:

I sat on my bed and posted the picture on Instagram. The picture that Tessa took of me on the slide.

I then went to sleep.

-

Ok y'all are probably wondering when Shawn is going to make an appearance in the book. Obviously since he's why you guys are reading this book lol. He's going to make an appearance in the next few chapters to come! Bear with us guys! It'll be worth it. I promise. Thank you all for reading. ~Marjorie

[broken-clover]

AU-gust Day 13- Rock Band

And now here’s a gift! So this one’s for Nilla’s birthday, and I know Tes is a fave of yours! It’s nice to be able to celebrate a birthday alongside someone as cool as them!

The venue was bathed in hot spotlights and thrummed with conversation, but backstage was quiet and calm. A few roadies and staff wandered around to set up pyrotechnics and clean, but it was a far cry from the hectic crowd outside. But there wasn’t much longer before the divide between them lifted.

Testament ran a thick brush through his long hair to smooth it back into something neat. The ride over had been quite a bit more hectic than he had been expecting (he certainly wasn’t going to take ride offers from Johnny anymore, he just hoped the man didn’t drive like that when his children were in the car) Only his unusually-tight grip gave any indication that he was stressed. Aside from that, his gaunt features made him appear utterly indifferent.

A brief knock came at the door. “30 minutes to showtime!”

“I’ll be out soon, just finishing up.” He replaced the brush with a tube of eyeliner and got to work painting on thick black lines. To his confusion, and more than a little frustration, there was another knock. “I said I’ll be out- !”

“Tess~!” A far-too-friendly voice chirped from the other side. “Your hippie friend’s here to see you!”

“Hippie…?” He dropped his makeup and scrambled to the dressing room door.

A woman in elaborate blue makeup shot him a flirty look. “That was fast! Told ya he’d do it.” She nudged her companion, who was equally blue, but only in the hair.

“Dizzy?” Testament asked, looking at his old friend in confusion. “What are you doing here?”

She threw arms around him. “It’s so good to see you! And what do you mean ‘what am I doing here?’ I always said I’d come for your first big gig!”

His pale cheeks went pink. “Y-yeah, but I didn’t actually expect you’d come…”

“Aww, don’t be silly! I’m happy to come and see you!”

“That’s very sweet of you.” He pushed her back a step. “I really have to finish the stage makeup, if I can just have a minute-”

“Still not done, Tess?” The blue-skinned woman clicked her teeth. “For shame.”

“Awfully judgmental for someone who isn't even wearing their horns, hmm, Beast?” He sent her a sharp grin back.

Her eyes widened, and she hurried off before he could say anything else. “I knew I forgot something!!”

“You can come in if you want, Dizzy.” He gestured to the open door. “I’ll just be finishing up.”

She nodded, following him in. She was a stark contrast to the monochrome dullness of the space, done up in all the bright colors that the rest of the room lacked. Dizzy found a place to sit down while Testament went back to the eyeliner.

“Look at you! A whole dressing room to yourself, that’s so cool!”

“I’m not used to the quiet. Since we always had to share one, it was always so loud during setups.” He paused. “Really, Dizzy, I know this isn’t your kind of scene, you don’t have to stay-”

Dizzy merely smiled back. “Testament. What kind of friend would I be if I left? I’ve always come to your shows.”

“That’s true but- I’m just not sure, this is different from putting on shows in the church basement, or any of the small stuff we usually do. We’re on a real, actual stage this time.”

“I know, and isn’t it just the most exciting thing?”

“You’re not getting it at all…”

“Tes. Really, I’m fine.” Dizzy scooted closer so she could hold his hand for a moment. “But it really sounds like you’re the one who’s a little anxious.”

He didn’t agree, but he didn’t deny it, either. He merely went back to doing his makeup.

“It’s okay to be stressed.”

“I’m not.”

“Alright, well, if you were, then that’s totally okay. Hitting it big has got to be really exciting! But having more fans can be really daunting, too. Just remember, no matter what, I’ll be cheering you on.”

It was quiet for a moment. Testament took a deep breath, and tried to smile as he turned to his friend. “Then I supposed that’s all I really need, isn’t it?”

Another knock at the door. “20 minutes! Everyone’s getting ready on stage!”

“That’s my cue.” He did a last handful of strokes, raked fingers through his hair one more time, and headed for the door.

“Ah- hold on a second!” Dizzy grabbed him by the hand before he could leave. From her sidebag, she pulled out a little silver charm, and pressed it into the palm of his hand. “For luck!”

“Dizzy…” He watched the way it shone under the lights, and tucked it away into the pocket of his leather skirt. “Thank you.”

“Now, go out there and break a leg!”

The rest of the crew was waiting for him onstage. Beast flashed him a cheeky smile and twirled her drumsticks. Testament slung his guitar off the rack and strummed a few practice frets.

“Flamethrowers are all set!” Someone called.

“Sound equipment should be all online!”

“Ready whenever you are, Mr. Testament!”

He approached the mic stand. The sound of the crowd was muffled through the curtain, but he could still feel it thrum. His hand slid down into his pocket to find Dizzy’s charm, and his eyes slid shut.

“Let’s go.”

The stagelights nearly burned through his eyelids as the curtain swung open. After a few experimental blinks to adjust to the brightness, he was greeted with a sea of shouting people clad in black and white and red. The only oddity was a smear of pastel in the corner, watching him with gentle eyes.

Testament ripped the mic off its stand and held it to his mouth with a triumphant grin.

“HELLO ILLYRIAAAAAAA!”

[aspoonofsugar]

Hi ! It may seem a strange ask since writing a meta on a game story may be unconventional but I saw that you reblogged gifs of The Last of Us recently so I was wondering how did you feel about the story and its bitter ending? (if it doesn't bother you to answer on that, if it does and you want this to remain on your free hobby time it's absolutely okay of course x))

Hello anon!

No problem, I would actually love to talk about the story of the game since I loved it!

Also, I would like to clarify that I have simply watched a playthrough and I have not directly played the game. What is more, I have watched it only once, so I might have lost some details. Finally, I will quote some TV Tropes’ takes on the characters here and there and I will elaborate on them since I agree with some of them.

When it comes to the ending I really liked the final twist and I think it has meaning on multiple levels.

On the surface the final conflict between Joel and Marlene seems to be a conflict between the greater good and the worth of individual lives. Is it right to kill one girl in order to save humanity? Marlene says it is, while Joel seems to argue that it isn’t. However, even if this is a valid reading, I think that there is more going on especially when it comes to Joel and Ellie’s characters.

First of all it is clear that throughout the game Ellie and Joel grow in each other’s direction. On one hand Joel has to learn how wonderful life can be once again through his relationship with Ellie. On the other hand Ellie has to learn how to survive through Joel. They grow so much in each other’s direction that by the end Joel is the one chatting the most, while Ellie is more silent and immersed in her thoughts. This is an interesting contrast especially because in the beginning it was the other way around and Ellie kept trying to interact with Joel who showed her some degree of coldness.

The contrast between greater good and individuals and the two main characters having inverted arcs are the two basic ideas I will start with. In the next paragraphs I will try to explore them a little bit more and to show that they are true only up to a certain point.

JOEL AND SELFISHNESS: A LACK OF FAITH IN HUMANITY

Let’s consider these two scenes:

Tommy: They got a kid, Joel! Joel: So do we!

The story opens with Joel sacrificing strangers in order to protect himself and his loved ones. Sarah calls him out on this, but he argues that they need to think about themselves. However, immediately later, when Sarah is wounded and he needs help the soldiers kill Sarah without showing any pity.

I think that these scenes are interesting on multiple levels.

On one hand they clearly mirror the ending where once again Joel’s “baby girl”’s survival is put at risk by people acting for the sake of the majority of humanity. As a matter of fact the soldiers are ordered to kill Sarah and Joel to stop the infection from spreading, while the Fireflies want to sacrifice Ellie in order to save humanity from the infection. According to this reading, Joel is literally given a second chance to save his daughter through him saving Ellie. In this case, him brutally killing the Fireflies and even Marlene can be seen as him succeeding where he had failed with Sarah. When Sarah was wounded he begged the soldier for help, but he killed Sarah. Because of this, at the end of the game he refuses to show any glimpse of humanity to Marlene and simply kills her to assure Ellie’s survival.

On the other hand one could argue that there is really not that much difference between Joel’s behaviour towards the people begging him to stop the car at the beginning and the soldiers killing Sarah. After all, in both cases there is a person acting selfishly and refusing to show any kind of compassion or humanity towards another person. Joel abandoning those people and the soldiers shooting civilians are things fueled by the same idea that in order to survive you are justified to kill someone else and to only think about yourself. If that is the case, then Joel’s actions in the end do nothing, but re-affirm this same mentality.

According to this second reading, Joel failed to change in a significant way throughout the game. As a matter of fact he starts the game by acting selfishly and ends it by acting selfishly. He puts himself and his loved ones above others both at the beginning and at the end. When I say Joel has not changed, I don’t mean that his behaviour has stayed the same, but rather that he has not overcome what the game presents as his character flaw.

Joel’s character flaw is his lack of hope in humanity. He doesn’t believe in any kind of greater good being it “humanity” or “destiny”. This is shown by him refusing the idea that things happen for a reason and him talking about luck and chance.

His relationship with Ellie is supposed to change him and it does to an extent. Thanks to Ellie Joel manages to slowly overcome Sarah’s loss and progressively becomes more open about it. He becomes also more sociable and by the end he starts dreaming of living a normal life with Ellie. He dreams of teaching Ellie things like swimming or playing guitar and to have long walks with her. He would like to live in a healthier and more stable environment than the one he is in at the beginning of the story. He wants to stop living as a criminal as much as possible and to find a place within a community. In other words he starts wishing to live again instead of just “surviving”.

In short, towards the end Joel shows clear signs of recovery. However, a recovery means that he is just going back to the person he once was and he is not becoming a better one. I would also like to highlight that, despite Joel’s unfriendly behaviour, he has always been very loyal to his loved ones and he has never completely isolated himself. Let me quote this TV tropes entry:

He’s almost never seen without a companion of some sort (whether it’s Tommy, Tess, or Ellie), and on the rare occasions when he is alone, the game makes sure the player feels his isolation, with the goal always being to reunite with whomever he was separated from.

Even if Joel paints himself as a misantrophe he always keeps a loved one close. Even after Sarah’s death he stayed with Tommy and protected him and when Tommy left he stayed with Tess. What is more, he is ready to do almost anything for a loved one to the point that he decides to bring Ellie to the Fireflies to honour Tess’s last wish.

In short, Joel doesn’t need to exactly become more invested in his relationships with others, but he rather needs to be inspired by these others in order to change himself.

This is also why his mission is about bringing Ellie to the Fireflies. After all, within the game the Fireflies represent an alternative to the military. In a sense, they represent the alternative against the people who killed Sarah. However, they are an alternative Joel refuses to embrace because he is too cynical. This is also something which puts a dent in his relationship with Tommy:

Tommy leaves Joel to pursue some kind of hope, but Joel, instead of being inspired by his little brother, refuses to go with him.

So the Fireflies are symbolically “the greater good” and Joel refuses them because of his cynical nature. However, he becomes more open towards them as the story progresses and when he speaks with Marlene he is even open to the idea of some kind of “destiny”:

He is very close to change his opinion about humanity and to find some kind of hope and meaning. However, the moment he realizes the Fireflies want to kill Ellie he immediately goes back to his old way of thinking.

By the end, Joel is back at using the reasoning that he and Ellie are survivors and as such their violence and selfishness is justified. He gives up on the idea of a better life for humanity and chooses to keep surviving with Ellie.

Once again, this choice can be read in two different ways. As stated above, Joel’s choice can be seen as him failing his character arc. However, it can also be seen as “the proof” that since the beginning there was no alternative. In the end the people who oppose the military are still ready to kill Joel’s daughter in order to save themselves/the majority. This is no different from what the soldiers do in the beginning. Does a humanity which is ultimately made up of selfish people deserve to be reborn? Isn’t it better for just individuals to survive with their loved ones as well as they can?

In summary, Joel and Marlene’s conflict in the end can be seen both as a conflict between individual needs and the needs of the majority, but also as symbolic of how human nature is inherently selfish and of how humans will fight to protect their loved ones/what they believe in and they will sacrifice others to do so.

Finally, I would like to highlight how Joel’s final choice is selfish also when it comes to Ellie:

Here Marlene is being a little bit of a hypocrite because she herself has not asked for Ellie’s permission and Ellie’s will would have not changed her decision. That said, it is true that Joel is acting without considering Ellie’s freedom and agency. Both Marlene and Joel disagree on what should be Ellie’s destiny, but they refuse to ask the girl herself. This is because deep down they do not care about what she wants since their two opposing wishes are too strong. This is poignant when we remember that Marlene and Joel are basically Ellie’s parental figures. They are deep down both using Ellie as a tool and, even if they both love her, they are not respecting her as a person.

When it comes to Joel, I think that it is interesting that this is not the first time he enters a conflict with a person he wants to protect:

It is implied that he protected Tommy aka his little brother, but that, as time passed, Tommy became more and more unhappy with Joel and what he was ready to do in order to ensure their survival. In other words, Joel is so determined to keep his loved ones alive that he does not hesitate go against their will to succeed.

In conclusion, Joel is a person who never loses his ability to establish deep connections with others, but at the same time he remains selfish both in how he treats strangers and in how he treats his loved ones. He would sacrifice the formers and keep the latters alive no matter how they feel about it.

ELLIE AND SURVIVAL: FINDING A MEANING

Ellie’s arc is about learning what “survival” is about. This means that she has to learn not only how to practically survive and to grow tougher as the story goes on, but also the dangers of completely embracing a ruthless mindset where there is only survival.

This is why her major enemy is David. Let’s quote once again TV Tropes:

He’s very similar to Joel, in that he invokes “I Did What I Had to Do” as justification for certain questionable actions, and seems a possible candidate for “surrogate father” with Joel missing (at first, anyway), though he and Joel differ in significant ways. Joel tries to be as detached from others as possible, whereas David took it upon him to lead a community; Joel believes that his survival is in part due to luck, whereas David explicitly states that he does not believe in luck; and the reasons they concern themselves with Ellie are pretty much completely opposite. Also, when Joel first meets Ellie, he’s cold and indifferent towards her, while David is polite and friendly. Joel however is a back-and-forth Jerk with a Heart of Gold while David is said Bitch in Sheep’s Clothing.

David is both a physical obstacle Ellie has to face without Joel’s help and a character who embodies the dangers of embracing specific mindsets Ellie is attracted to.

First of all, there is this:

David believes in destiny and in the fact that everything happens for a reason. Ellie doesn’t share this fatalistic worldview, but at the same time she isn’t as cynical as Joel. I think that Ellie expresses how she feels about destiny and a superior meaning when she talks with Sam:

Sam: Henry says that “They’ve moved on”. That they’re with their families. Like in heaven. Do you think that’s true?

Ellie: I go back and forth. I mean, I’d like to believe it.

Sam: But you don’t.

Ellie: I guess not.

n short, she may not believe in it, but she wants to. She wants to give meaning to the pain and the loss she feels.

David and Joel are two extremes when it comes to “destiny”. Ellie doesn’t want to become neither of them and this is why she must find an equilibrium between their two stances.

Secondly, there is this:

“And so do we.”

David’s arguments are very similar to those Joel himself might make. This is why he can initially counter Ellie’s one about her and Joel having no other choice, but to kill David’s men. This argument is not really Ellie’s, but Joel’s and she is repeating it. She doesn’t really find anything to say to David when he answers her using the same mentality because the point of David’s character is also to show Ellie how this mentality is flawed.

In short, David embodies the limits of Joel’s survivalist approach. David is who Ellie could become if she were to stick to this approach without ever questioning it.

At the same time David is a person who tries to strip Ellie of her own agency:

He repeats over and over that he wants to protect Ellie and to keep her alive. However, in order to do so, he tracks her, kidnaps her and puts her in a cage. He doesn’t really care about Ellie as a person, but he simply wants Ellie to do as he pleases. If Ellie were to accept David’s condition she could avoid being eaten, but Ellie strongly fights against this possibility. Ellie decides that her own freedom and her own dignity as a person is more important than simple survival and puts her life at risk in order to preserve them.

Ellie’s fight against David and her eventually killing him represent two things. Firstly it represents Ellie’s loss of innocence since she is subjected both to the violence of another person and to the violence inside herself. Secondly it represents Ellie’s struggle to keep her own agency and her own freedom as a person. It is complicated because killing David is both something she has to do to protect her own personhood, but also something which traumatizes her. This fight and its bitter conclusion represent the difficulty of finding an equilibrium between the need to survive and the need of keeping one’s humanity. Towards the end Ellie is trying to give her own answer:

“After everything we’ve been through. Everything I’ve done.”

However, Joel robs her of the chance of doing so. All in all this is a very interesting twist which gives Joel’s foiling with David a darker nuance and at the same time puts an even more selfish light on Joel’s final actions. Ellie’s arc is about finding and protecting her own agency and Joel’s role should be to guide her. He does so for a while and this is shown through various things. For example, he gives her a gun after some initial resistance and accepts Ellie’s help on multiple occasions. It is also because of this that the trust and the bond between them gets stronger. However, at the very end when Ellie should be given the chance to make her final choice, i.e. the choice which would put some light on how Ellie wants to live and who she wants to become, Joel (and Marlene) steps in and prevents her from doing so.

I hope my thoughts on the ending and on Joel and Ellie’s arcs are clear enough. There would be many other things to discuss. For example, each minor character the two meet (like Bill, Henry and Sam) foils them in some capacity and explores a specific minor theme. That said, I think that when it comes specifically to the final twist this is enough. All in all The Last of Us is a story about love in an apocalyptic world and how this feeling would still survive in such a world. At the same time, it is clearly shown that love has both positive and negative aspects and can bring out both the best and the worst in people.

Thank you for the ask and enjoy the holidays if you celebrate!

[lumi-klovstad-games]

Ramses-17′s opinions on Destiny 2′s cast in the unfortunate event of his Death or Amnesia

The Prompt: Your Guardian, or a character of your choice, making video logs in case they die or start losing their memories

Ramses-17:

*shuffles nervously in front of the camera*

Hey you... so, I guess I’m either dead-dead or I’ve lost my memory completely. If I’m dead, I hope I pulled a Cayde-6 and went out like an absolute badass, defiant to the end. I mean, not that I’m eager to punch out or anything, but I at least hope my death measures up to what I hope my life amounted to. Preferably, even more so, but that’s a tall order. It’s been quite a life so far.

Some notes: I hope Saint-14 is still hanging around. If he is, go say hi. Make friends with him. He’s a damn good example of the very best of us. The image of a Guardian. He’s the icon I strive to live up to -- he taught me what it means to be a Titan and a Guardian. Just don’t don’t engage in a snowball fight with him. I don’t care how tempting it seems.

Be nice to Zavala. Yes, he’s made some dick calls, I mean, really dick calls... but his one love and loyalty is the City. Everything he’s done, smart or not, kind or not, was in its defense. He just... doesn’t understand that not all Guardians are like him, I think. You can get the story of what went down between us from Ikora, Shaxx, or Reena Feng but... dammit I’m just no good at telling stories. Point is, don’t judge him too harshly. There’s a good man underneath that gruff and social ineptness. Kind of like me, I guess.

Speaking of Reena Feng... it’s taken me a while to come to terms with the girl, and the choices she made, but ultimately... she made a better call than I did at the time. Showing mercy to Kaya-Sei was absolutely the right call, and I’m glad she was there to stop me. If she hadn’t been there, I think I would have regretted my decisions forever. If it’s Ramses-18 watching? Go thank that plucky Warlock. Say 17 told you to do it. She’ll laugh it off, tell a joke to try to deflect how much it makes her feel, but she’ll really appreciate it. With luck, you’ll be best friends with her, just like I used to be.

On the note of Kaya-Sei: she’s not that different from Zavala. She’s stuck in her way of seeing the world, but she’s not a bad person. If you cross paths with her, don’t treat her like the traitor everyone says she is. You can absolutely trust her, and this is coming from me, so that’s gotta mean something. Normally I wouldn’t say “trust the personal hitwoman of Mara Sov”, but if Kaya’s involved, take her side. She’s damn well earned that apology from me. Also her judgment is much better than it looks from the outside, which is a good thing because sometimes she really looks like a moron. Don’t tell her I said that. I mean, the part where I called her a moron. Go ahead and flatter her with the bit where I said she has good judgment. Mostly because it’s true.

Quick bits: Ikora Rey? Excellent sagely counselor. If you have concerns, she has some of the best advice out there. If you’re concerned about where to turn or what to do, ask her. You won’t regret it.

Drifter? Keep well away from that smarmy bastard. Something about him doesn’t add up, and the loot just isn’t worth the risk.

Ada-9: Worth kissing up to. Her gear is second to none. Just... learn to put up with the attitude; it’s not going away.

Devrim Kay: I may not have taste buds, but his tea is so good I’ve forgotten that fact any number of times. You can rely on him too. He may not have a Ghost, but he’s every inch a guardian in my book.

Asher Mir: ...kind of an asshole with a heart of jerk. Deal with him only when you must.

Sloane: Lady gets stuff done. Can be gruff, but don’t let it get to you. She’s worth getting to know.

Failsafe: I used to stop by every weekend and play board games with her. You should too. I know she likes the intellectual stimulation and the company.

Ana Bray: Ana Bray.... what do I say about her? That she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen? That I’m grateful to have ever known her? That she’s kick ass? That she helped me discover some bits about myself before I was all... metal? Ana’s brave and beautiful and unconventional and a trouble magnet, but she’s up there with the best of us. She should be a legend, in my opinion. But maybe I’m biased. If you’re watching this, Ramses-18: go get her, Tiger. 

Eris Morn: Queen of spookiness. Has a knack for knowing where we should really make our stand. You should absolutely dance in front of her. The worst that can happen is raisins. *barely contained laughter* 

Emperor Calus: Bad news, and definitely that “friend” nobody should like. Steer clear.

Xur: Oh dear god, ditto. Even if his loot is awesome, he’s shifty as hell and keep an eye on him. You don’t need his gear anyway. A real Guardian makes do and has plenty of tools in every situation anyway. Whatever he’s selling, you don’t need it. Even if it is really, really cool.

Tess Everis: Shrewd woman. Offers some neat stuff, but keep your hand on your cash when you deal with her, because she’ll probably rob you blind and call it “commerce”. Cayde never did finish that investigation of whether or not she ran Eververse sweat shops in the City. You should look into that for me.

Fenchurch Everis: I really don’t think he exists. Tess 100% made him up. I mean, has anyone ever actually seen him? Like, in person? Exactly. He’s pure fiction and you need to tell Tess to knock those stupid stories off.

Petra Venj: God I hate her. But... *sighs* she occasionally makes a good point and she’s handy in a fight. Also, if you kill her, I’m pretty sure Kaya-Sei will go all hitwoman on you and you will not make it through the rest of the week so play nice, I guess.

Mara Sov: Everything I just said about Petra Venj goes triple for Mara Sov.

Mithrax: Pretty damn chill for a Fallen.

Spider: Same, and oddly trustworthy. Do not trust him anyway, just for pragmatism’s sake.

Osiris: Means well but will 100% screw you over purely by accident. Keep your distance, but be ready for Ikora to draft you into cleaning up his latest mess on a monthly basis.

Banshee-44: Ever seen an Exo with Alzheimer’s? Banshee’s as close as you get. I heard a rumor that 44 is just the amount of reboots he lost count at. Either way, he’s got a memory like a sieve, but it’s hard to find a better gunsmith. Be patient with him. He’s been through more than I could possibly know.

Shaxx: He’s loud, he’s proud, he will get you killed many, many, many times, but he’ll help you stand back up every time. He’s quality guardian.

Lord Saladin: He’s grim, but like Eris, he comes by it honestly. Make sure he adds my name to his list.

Amanda Holliday: God I love her. She’ll have more than few tales to tell you about me. Not just me, lots of interesting stuff from our recent history. I think she’s seen almost as much as I have, and in a much shorter span. I have no clue how she keeps it together, but she does, and I’m grateful.

Suraya Hawthorne: I mean, she’s a nice gal and a great ally, but I think her desk job is getting to her -- sometimes it seems like she doesn’t realize how much stuff actually happened since she took her posting in the Tower. Poor girl needs some time in the field again if you ask me.

Who else is left? I guess I should mention Caesar, my ghost. Hopefully he’s watching over a Ramses-18, who is hopefully watching this. We’ve been through some times together, and hopefully, he’s there to get you through some more. I couldn’t ask for a more stalwart partner.

I guess all that’s left is me. I’ve always been a survivor. From Twilight Gap all the way to the Crimson Spire Offensive, I’ve made it through battle after battle. If I’ve lost my memory, maybe in some way it’s a blessing. I can’t begin to tell you the things that witnessing what I have does to a mind. Sometimes it’s better to simply know what you’ve faced and overcome and not know the details. I wouldn’t choose to forget any of it, but... if I have, I’d be hard pressed to say I regret the loss. But if you’re watching this, I don’t care if you’re Ramses-18 or someone else: by watching this, you’re picking up a piece of my legacy.

Go on and make something great with it. Most (keyword: MOST) of the folks I’ve mentioned will help. But you’ve sat and listened to an old Exo reminisce long enough. The future’s yours, Guardian. Go build it.

[romerona]

To protect and serve.

Book: Ride or Die: A Bad Boy Romance 

Pairing: Logan x MC(Tessa) 

Rating: +18 cursing, NSFW

Summary: Logan’s POV with Tessa when she told the crew about her dad 

 Note: takes place in chapter 4, it’s base on the book but I change somethings. 

 Characters belong to Pixelberry Studios

Since Tessa found out that I was in Mercy Park Crew she told me she needed time to think and to process it, I can't blame her really, image learning that the person you are hanging out with is part of the crew your dad has to put to jail, I'll probably do the same if I didn't already know about her dad… but it's been 2 days, 2 days without information, 2 days been clueless about the case, 2 days without… without hearing from her… I just hope she contacts me soon even if it's just to tell me she doesn't want to see me again, but for some damn reason the thought of never seeing her again make chest ache. I brush it off when Kaneko calls Mona and me to his office.

Kaneko- Tomorrow morning around 8 the three of us are going to sell the Sodertalje Mona brought a few days ago so don’t make me wait. ”

Mona- to whom? ”

Kaneko- Anonymous buyers.” he said and starting to look back at his work.

Logan- where?”

Kaneko: underground parking lot at the pavilion.” He said without looking at us meaning he is done talking.

Mona: sure thing boss.”

I just nodded and make my way out of his office when Toby calls me.

Toby: Logan! Hey, can you pass me the tools they are at the kitchen? Oh, and how was Tessa's driving lesson?  I haven't had time to ask you about it.” He signaled the kitchen to me where he was under the car he's been working on for some time.

Logan- Sure and she is good, she learned fast” I go to the kitchen and bring the tools to Toby

I go back to work for a few more hours before going to my loft, I take a shower to take the sweat off me changing into my gray sweatpants I make my way to bed, it isn't late so I lay on my back and grab a book trying to get my anxiety in control. It's a book with different poems, I found it at Vaughn’s place last week he let me have it since his ex-girlfriend left it there months ago and hadn’t come back for it, I like to read... occasionally when I have free time and don't feel like using my phone, even if it's a poetry book, I have read worst back when I was on the road. It calms me, makes me feel less alone. I push myself up so now I'm sitting with my back against the headboard and open the book on some random page and start reading poem after poem, it actually makes me forget about everything for a little while until I came across a poem.

~We are not destined I know we are not. I am damned but she is not. She will save me, She always saves me.~

Rolling my eyes I put the book down and grab my phone, my finger hovering over Tess number thinking if I should text her or not…

“When she is ready she will text me hopefully soon” So instead I set the alarm to an ungodly hour and kept reading for a while but fell asleep shortly after.

The next morning I wake up to the sound of the fucking alarm, yawning I make my way to the shower and start getting ready to meet Kaneko downstairs. On my way to meet him and Mona my phone buzzes in my pocket, I took it out to see who the hell is awake and texting me at this hour. I let a small chuckle seeing who it is  “ Of course it's her” but it's the feeling it's quickly replaced by uneasiness, embracing myself for whatever is on that text I begin to read it.

Tessa- Hey. Can I see you?”

I let out a breath of relief and answer her.

Logan- Busy this morning. Got something with Kaneko at the Pavilion. Text you later?”

Tessa- Are you getting up to trouble?”

A small smile plays on my face.

Logan- Nothing I can't handle.” I answer while walking downstairs.

Once I got there I jump on the Sodertalje and make my way to the mall. We park on the underground parking lot, there aren't any cars at these hours so we have it all to ourselves. After a while of being there and the buyer is yet to show up, Mona starts complaining, but thanks to God it wasn't long before a black SUV shows up. Two guys come out of the car that in my experience are some type of gangsters make some stupid comments and after that, we finally go down to business. At the corner of my eye, I see something moving, I  look at the direction of the movement and my stomach clenched.

Is that Tessa??! What the fuck is she doing here? Fuck! this is dangerous, she will get hurt if they spot her, I can't let that happen”

I look back at the gangsters praying that they hadn’t seen her, but to my fucking luck they do and pull their guns out, I quickly disarmed them the way Vaughn had taught me back in Detroit, I know it was a stupid move of my part but Tessa is here and one wrong move and everything can go to shit, I rather prevent that.

Still, why is she here?”

After some rambling between Kaneko and the gangsters I finally got my answer.

Tessa- No! Forget the stupid deal! The cops are coming! We need to run!”

“Shit”

Mona and the gangster we're freaking out, Tessa was trying to explain that we need to get out of there, that we just have to trust her, I know that she is trying to hide the fact that her dad is a cop and probably knows that they are coming from him, but there is no way she… I'm pulled out of my thoughts by Tessa’s voice.

Tessa- I… I know because… My dad's a cop!” she said looking nervous at us.

Did she just… ” I’m taken back by the fact that she fully admitted that her dad is a cop just to make us trust her and get us out of here knowing what that can cost her, I look back at Kaneko, he has the same expression as me, neither of us was expecting this .

The gangsters are the first ones to flee, leaving us there, Mona is still freaking out about the fact that Tessa's dad is a cop but Kaneko brush it off in a hurry to leave  and starts to get to his car, but the Sodertalje is still here and full of evidence Kaneko wants to leave it behind because he thinks that there is no way to take the car out of here but I know I can take it out, Tess said she was coming with me and I’m not totally sure but I don’t put resistance either.

And like Tess said the cops soon arrive… I managed to avoid them but they catch up, in one of the cars from the cops was Tessa’s dad, I believe that she saw him because when I swerve she pulls the lever of her seat and drops flat on her back to hide from him, still knowing about it I pretend to be shocked when she confesses.“God I'm such a piece of shit”

Tessa- Logan, you can't let him get hurt.” she said to me pleadingly.

Logan- I’ll try.”

I move around between the columns of the mall trying not to scratch the car since it’s a very narrow place attempting to put some distance between us and the cops when one of them opens their window and shoots a fucking GPS tracker, those are such a pain. I have to take the fucker off. I tell Tess to hold the wheel and she panics about it with my foot still on the gas I grab her hands and put them on the wheel and tells her what to do while I try to take the tracker off, at first I couldn't reach the tracker but I move slightly and got a bit closer but still not enough,I incline a little more when Tess calls my name in panic,  there is a solid wall a few meters of us, “shit, I just need a little more…” I finally reach the little shit and remove it just in time to drive the car and slide between the columns and the wall. Soon after we lose the cops from the parking lot but there are more blocking the ramp, Tess suggests to go to the loading dock… I floor it to get there fast but when we got there, the trucks were blocking the path except for one… I reversed it and park in it, getting out of the car to close the doors of the truck. Now we are both sitting here in the dark and it hits me… She put herself in danger to help us, she went against her dad to help me get out of here with the car. 

“Why  would she did it? Could it be that she did it for me?”

Logan- Listen… Tess… thanks. For warning us. For helping me get this car outta there. Why did you? Why would you risk so much?”

Tessa- Maybe I just wanted you to own me one again” she explained with a goofy tone.

Logan- Well, I'm in your debt. Your wish is my command.”

Tessa- Don't tempt me” she said smiling but soon it's gone. “I don't think Kaneko is going to be too happy with me, anyway. My dad-- ” she trails off but I interrupt her.

Logan- I don’t care what Kaneko says, and I don't care who your dad is. I'd never let anything happen to you” I said to her looking straight into her eyes trying to make her understand that every word is true. She told us about her dad, she came clean about It and what did I fucking do? put her in more danger by letting her come with me but this is the last time…  I won't let her be in danger anymore not if I can prevent it.

Tessa- No need for declarations now” she said with a smile.

Logan- Can't help myself.”

“I really can't Tess... not with you and that scares the fuck out of me.”

I gawk at her, her eyes, her nose, her hair, her lips… Those lips that I been craving since the first time mine meet hers.  I noticed that she is leaning towards me so I give into my impulses and cup her face in my hands and kiss her hard, desperately, my tongue begs for an access and she obliges, our tongues crash into each other I savor her sweet lips wishing I could just take her here, an overwhelming feeling came over me, my heartbeats become faster and beat harder, I try to pull her closer to me, my need for her is insanely big, like I have never felt before,but suddenly the trucks started to move and tess broke the kiss.

Tessa- what's happening?” she asks surprised.

I'm still dumbfounded by the kiss so it took me a few seconds to understand what she was talking about.

Logan- I, uh… think the truck started driving.”

Tessa- What do we do?”

Logan- What do you mean? We do nothing… and let ourselves be chauffeured away from the crime scene.”

Tessa looks at me but then lower her eyes and giggles, my heart started to beat rapidly again.  

”I swear I haven't heard a laugh that beautiful in my entire life…”

What the hell is she doing to me, first I'm nervous about her not texting me back then I’m dumbfounded by her kiss and now her laugh makes my heart go crazy… But the weirdest thing about all of this is that I don't have the willpower to stop it and even if I could I don't think I want to.

“Fuck, I’m losing the fucking head for her”

Later we are talking about the car and other stuff I feel relax and happy… when I hear the sound of the driveway and I know our time in the truck is over and I can't help but feel a little disappointed.

I got a text from Kaneko, we go to the garage. When we got there the entire crew is around the kitchen table already yelling over each other about tess, I stay on my feet but Tessa sits on the kitchen chairs, taking a look at her I notice a guilty look on her face.

I guess she finally understand what she did… 

After the crew discussion and Tess explanation, Kaneko laying against his car acts like he’s thinking about letting her stay but I know for a fact that he will, it was his plan all along, make Tessa trust us enough to do things like this.

Putting the… Feelings… aside it's a fucking great plan. Colt hasn't said much about it, but of course he couldn't keep his mouth shut any longer and start snapping at Tessa and I didn't fucking like it one bit, he and I begin to argue when the motherfucker uses her against me and with that I swing at him connecting my fist with his face we begging to wrestle to the floor until Tessa's voice cut in calling Colt.

Colt- You're always around to save the day, aren't you?” 

Tessa: You're really lucky I am, Colt.” she said glaring at him.

And finally, Kaneko agrees to let her stay and left but not before giving colt an ear full…

Colt- How exactly do you think this is gonna end? This double life of yours won't last, Tessa. It can't.” he let out while wiping the blood from his lips and making his way to his motorcycle. I walk to sit next to Tessa with pain under my eye but all I can think of is her.

Logan- You alright?”

Tessa- I'm fine. You look worse than wear thought.” She mumbled raising a hand to touch my cheek, I lean a little into her touch but not enough to make it noticeable.

Logan- Doesn't it make me look tough?” I said pulling away from her hand trying to look like it.

 Tessa- A little”.She giggles but then she looks at me embarrassed. “Listen I own you an apology. I'm sorry for hiding who I was.” 

Shit Tess, you are not the one hiding something that is worth an apology”

Logan- You didn't. Who your parents are isn’t who you are. So, apology not accepted, got it?”

Tessa-... Got it.” she said with a smile.

Still, my mind went to what happened today, it was a close call we need more information and now that she openly admits her dad is a cop we can get more. But it feels wrong I don't know if I can continue…. “Fuck men pull yourself together this is your job and you barely know her.”

I take a deep breath trying to shake that feeling off.

Logan- But your dad… I mean, this is crazy. How long has he been after us?” As soon as those words left my mouth I felt nausea…

 ”Clearly taking a deep breath didn't help for shit”

Tessa- Just a couple of days. He just got assigned to you.”

I nod… pushing the vomit back down. 

I laugh this time.

Logan- Small world, huh?  Listen… do you want to leave? After today, I'd totally understand if you never wanted to see any of us again” Those words create an ache in my chest like the one I had  yesterday. 

Tessa- Honestly, I don't know. I know that I shouldn't be here… but I also know that the last week has been the most freeing, most unforgettable week of my life. So maybe I'll leave and never see you again. “That shit hurts” But I don't want to make that call just yet.” 

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

Logan- I don't want you to make that call yet either”

I grab her waist and pull her to me, she cups my face between her small hands and kisses me softly like trying not to hurt me because of my wounds, I don't care about them I just need her close but before I could deepen the kiss, Toby clear his throat, and we separate from each other.

Toby proposed to offer Tessa a car ”built” by him, getting up we make our way to the cars and shows her the cars we had that no one uses Toby shows her the Shokai and then the Triple-nine the crew begins to talk about cars and how different they are but her eyes landed on one that is covered and hasn't seen the light of day in a long time, it's actually a shame the panther XX it's a beautiful car, without taking her eyes off the cover Tess ask about it, I told Toby to show her the car, as soon as he did it I saw the way her eyes light up and I knew that she found the one, she makes her way to the car with a smile, I stay back watching the way she moves around it, the way she lightly touches it, the way her eyes glowed, it's fucking sexy, in an attempt to distract myself from the bulge that is begging make my pants uncomfortable I begin to tell her about the car and so does Toby.

As I expected she chooses the panther and hops in, a smile is placed on her face until she saw the clock and freaked out about school and some test she has. 

Tessa- Wait… should I drive there in my car?” 

I laughed, she really is a troublemaker…  she just doesn’t know it yet.

Logan- You're a long way from getting your license, troublemaker. I'll give you a lift.”

In our way to school I keep thinking about what Tess said. 

“Did she really thought she could drive her car barely knowing anything?”

Logan- Tess, would you really try to go to school in your car?” I ask curiosity tainting my tone.

Tessa- I mean I you thought me the basic, it can’t be that difficult”

I snorted.

Logan- you're cute sometimes.”

Tessa- gee, thanks.” she mumbled rolling her eyes

Logan- I mean that in a nice way, like sometimes you do cute things.”

Before she could answer we arrived at the school she thanked me and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek and rush to the school, I chuckled a little and take off. When I arrived at the garage Kaneko calls me to his office.

Logan- Boss” I greet him and close the door behind not wanting the crew to listen since I'm fully aware why he called me.

Kaneko- Logan, now we have the upper hand, you saw what happened today it was a short call if it wasn't for her we would be at jail right now you need to continue with whatever you're doing with her, understood?”

I think for a few seconds…  this is your job and you have only known her for a few days… you can’t be feeling guilty. No, you can't be feeling anything at all, end of fucking story”

Kaneko- Understood? He asks again getting irritated by my lack of response.

Logan- yeah I… I Understand.” 

I made my way out of his office but still kept thinking about Tessa and this fucking job,We fucking have what we needed the job is practically complete and I’m ready for it to be over but what I’m not ready for is her, I mean obviously I care about her, more than I would like to admit. I just have never cared about anyone before so I didn't realize it would have this much of an effect on me. I thought it was something I could easily overcome, I thought people who gave up everything for the ones they cared for were just too weak to overcome it. I thought it would be easy for me to give them up if needed but now it scares me that this girl could be my undoing because I can't even imagine me just sitting back and letting something happen to her.  

*****

It's been a couple of days since Tess came clean about her dad, each day she has come to the garage for a drive, I can't say I mind having her with me actually kind of I like it... a lot but it’s always the same I should take her somewhere else…

Laying on the kitchen couch I put my phone out and send her a text.

Logan: We still on for driving tonight? I wanna take you somewhere.

Tessa: Yeah! Almost out of school for the day… Tessa: Can't wait to get behind the wheel!

I laughed

Colt- Why are you grinning like an idiot? I mean you are but you cover it more, wait no, you can't cover that, it's just your face” he said behind the front desk.

Logan- Fuck off dipshit” I rolled my eyes at him.

Colt- Oh… I know… Is Tessa texting you? I bet she is, I thought she was a smart girl but apparently not so much if she keeps hanging out with you” he said with a smirk.

Logan- Oh really and who should she be hanging out with… You? Please, she barely likes you.” I let out with a scoff.

Colt- I know she doesn't currently like me but soon enough she will realize what a moron you are and then I will be the one she wants to spend her time with and let me tell you I can't wait to have her with me. That is if I get to her before Mona does.”

Mona gets out of under a car.

Mona- He is kind of right I will definitely want to have her with me and for myself, I mean who wouldn't want to?”

Colt- A good girl with a wild side plus she is stunning and that body…” he said closing his eyes and biting his lip.

My blood boils just to think about Colt or Mona touching Tessa’s body, it makes me sick, I don't want them touching her the way I do it… I don't want anybody else doing it.

Logan- Colt! I swear to god if you don’t shut the fuck up…”

But before I could finish I got another text from Tessa, I immediately calm down, knowing that I'm going to see her soon.

Tessa: Change of plans. I have an idea…

Logan: what is it?

Tessa: Do you want to have a study double-date with my friends?

”Study date… how could I be helpful? Still, I prefer to spend time with her than being here with this asshole.”

Logan: Sure… Where is it? Want me to pick you up?”

Tessa: No need, is at Riya’s house she will take me, I'll send you the address when we get there.”

Logan: Sure, see you soon troublemaker.”

I felt a little disappointed, I wanted to take her to my “special” place but is okay as long as I'll get be with her.

As I put my phone down I take a deep breath preparing myself for some snarky comments from Colt but fortunately for him (because my self-control was on the edge of collapsing) Colt was already minding his business, so I do the same walking to my car before he could start talking again.

Tessa sends me the address and 10 minutes later I'm parking in front of a fancy house in some fancy neighborhood… Damn, her friend is loaded I hope she isn't like Brent and be all full of herself…”  thought I don't think Tessa will hang out with people like Brent.

I knock on the door and Tessa figure appears in front of me, my heart starts beating fast ” MEN CALM THE FUCK DOWN”  I kiss her cheeks and follow her to the kitchen where her friends are.

After a quick presentation and a good cup of Lemonade, we sit around the table, I ask about the project, as soon as I hear what it is about I thank whoever is out there that I read a biochemistry book before and I could actually help her with something today. It's some simple mechanical model one look at it I already know what's wrong with it.

A few hours later after learning, working on the model, a small awkward moment when I confess some truth about myself and quick kiss from Tess, we go to the diner Tessa and her friends go to every week.

“They are not bad, I like them, being here with them feels good but dangerous…. like the life I once wished I had.”

We order some fries and milkshakes and start talking and joking around when I find myself dancing “Jailhouse rock” in the middle of the diner…  my idea, not hers which is surprising for me.

Logan- Is this what it’d be like? If I went to school? If I were a regular guy?” “Hang out in diners with you and Riya and Darius and fix DNA models?” I ask her trying to sound and feel indifferent as possible but deep down I know there is a bit of anxiety.

Tessa- I know it’s not a glamorous life I of money and thrills…  but yeah.”

Logan- Pretending to be normal feels surreal. It feels… dangerous.” I confessed feeling the anxiety coming out to take advantage of a situation I never thought I'll put myself in to.

Tessa- Normal can be overrated. Just look at me. I was living the same old boring life I couldn’t wait to get out of every day until I met you.”

“Boring life is not so bad at least it kept you safe… until you met me.”

Logan- How do you like me as a normal high school guy?” I tease her as I make her spin.

Tessa spins and then kissed me, I didn’t expect a kiss but it’s always welcome especially from her, the kiss holds for a moment and then she pulls away, her kiss taste like the milkshake we just had, sweet, delicious and like I want another one.

Tessa- Does that answer your question?”

Logan- Not completely sure. Maybe answer it again so I can make sure I get it?”

 I wish we could be alone… maybe I can take her where I planned this afternoon I know it’s late but… 

Logan- You Know, if you’re not too tired, we can still get you behind the wheel for some practice after this.”

Tessa- I’d like that.”

We continue dancing to some sketchy song, my eyes fixed in nothing but her, everything else dissolves around… it’s just us she in my arms and me in hers. It feels right. Later after we leave the diner and said bye to Darius and Riya, Tessa and I drive around for some time.

I park at the beach, and we get out of the car sitting on the hood of it and listening to some song the radio is playing, we enjoy the view, well as enjoyable as it can at night we started talking and somehow this girl makes me tell her what this place means to me, what it have meant for the past two years I’ve been in L.A, that makes me feel vulnerable as fuck but for some reason bringing Tess here it and tell her makes it a lot better.

Logan- How do you keep seeing light in me when there isn't any?” I question looking into her eyes with my full sincerity.

Tessa- There is plenty. And you'll see it, too. Someday.” she told me glowing eyes. She smiles and presses her lips against the corner of my mouth and smiles again before pulling away and gaze back at the ocean.

Warm fills me, my heart is pounding like crazy I have never had a feeling this intense before with anyone else, like I want to be the version of myself she thinks I am.

Logan- I hope you are right.” I whisper so quietly that she didn't hear me.

I stood up and look at her.

Logan- How about we take a swim?”

Tessa- What?” she asks in shocked.

Logan- Why not?” I told her as take my clothes off.

Tessa- First of all I bet it's freezing and I don't have any clothes… Logan!”

I start making my way to the water and hear Tess scream my name.

Logan- You can use my shirt.”

Tessa thinks it for a hot minute not looking convince.

Logan- Come on troublemaker, we spend the entire afternoon working you deserve to relax a little.” She finally agrees and start to make her way to the shore with my shirt on hand.

Tessa- Don’t look.”

I roll over and cover my face with my hands to humor her.

Tessa- Okay, done.

I look at her, damn, the way my shirt looks in her it's fucking sexy.

Why did I think it was going to be a good idea.”

She then joins me in the water, we started swimming around, talking, laughing, splashing water to each other. We soon get out of the water and face each other, no sound but the waves, and my own damn beating heart. She looks up at me with an innocent expression on her face,  and damn that look makes me lose control.

I grab and kiss her hard for one long, blissful moment, I drank in the softness of her lips and her floral, woodsy scent. She smells impossibly good— like amber and gardenia.She kisses me back, sweetly and tentatively, and I find myself utterly lost. I kissed her harder, threading my fingers through her hair, both hands around either side of her neck. She gasped, and I took the chance to dart out my tongue and taste her.

Fire raced through my veins. I increased the pressure of my grip, tilting her head towards me as I explored her mouth. She wrapped her hands around my waist, pulling me closer. My hands skated up and down her body, the touches are growing bolder and more frenzied as if any moment would be our last. Tessa breaks the kiss when she needs air, I press my head to hers taking deep breaths.I feel the goosebumps on her skin over the places my hands have been.

Logan- Have you been touched like this before?”

Tessa just shook her head and kisses me again but I slowly break the kiss and my touch becomes more subtle.

Tessa- Why did you stop.” she said so quietly that  if we weren't this close I wouldn't hear it.

Logan- it's cold I don't want you to get sick  and… we have time.”

Looking at her I notice a blush creeping on her pretty face I smile to myself knowing I’m the one who cause it, giving her one last kiss I give her, her clothes back she just giggles and and signals me to turn around.

Tessa- don't peek.

Logan- I won’t .” I tease

She is awfully confident to think I would sit there and stare at her. Well… okay, I probably would especially give that she's wearing my shirt that it's wet and it's hugging her body in a damn nice way. But I know I can't…

Later I left Tessa at her house and go back to the garage and thanked God there is no one on-site, I make my way to my loft. I turn the shower on and get in, as the hot water running down on me comfort fills my body. I keep thinking back at Tessa at her body the way it looked at the moonlight so soft and perfect, and so fucking clean, compared to the scars covering mine and in nothing else but my shirt. I can feel myself getting harder the more I think about her, I can't hold it any longer so I took myself in hand, I start stroking myself thinking of her hand on my cock, gradually growing the pace, now her mouth is around me going up and down consuming all of me my mind think of how tight and good she would feel around me, and that does it for me… I came hard, harder than ever before I have masturbating. I start getting down the highs and open my eyes, this is getting fucking messy. It wasn't supposed to be messy. I wasn’t supposed to crave her mouth and her mind equally. I wasn’t supposed to think about how tight she would feel around me as I rock into her soft body. I’m not supposed to get off, imagining my hand is hers.