Theistic Satanic/Luciferian Journal
@czortofbaldmountain made this post and I decided to answer them! If you're curious about reading about my practice here are my responses!
Who is Lucifer/Satan to you personally and what is his role in your life?
He is my teacher, mentor, and father– He comforts me, teaches and encourages me, as well as strengthens me in my beliefs and against fears and anxieties. I however do not see him necessarily as a ‘god’ or ‘deity,’ and it is in my particular experience that is not how he would wish to be seen. “No gods, no masters” includes him too.
How did you become a Luciferian/Satanist and why do you remain one?
I found out about non-theistic Satanism through a leftist atheist YouTube channel, who happened to post a video about Paradise Lost, describing how Satan is a representation of liberation and is a sympathetic character and was a start of romantic Satanism. This intrigued me, and he had followed this video with a vlog of a Satanist convention and interviews with Satanists. I felt deeply moved with the leftist and anti-fascist political views that it encouraged as a belief system that had already aligned with my current political beliefs. Through exploring Tumblr, I saw that Luciferian and theistic-Satanists existed. While I had never felt any connection to any deity or particular vein of belief or religion and after leaving Christianity have always been a mixture of spirituality in my witchcraft but it also very atheistic and logical. However, the idea of an actual Satan was so incredibly comforting. My general theory is that if you believe it, it is true to you and you choose whether something is real or not when it comes to spirits, whether or not in reality it is true. I choose to believe that Satan is real, even though I know that this image of Satan (and other demons and spirits) is something that I have in a sense made up in my own head. Therefore, ironically, I identify as an atheistic theistic Satanist witch.
As for why I remain a Satanist, I choose to stay as one, the community that I have found for myself is incredibly important to me. Two, as I mentioned, I find him comforting, and I have only had good experiences with him and other demons. I have a tendency to be very hard on myself and he keeps me sane in reminding myself that the pleasures of life are okay. He also encourages me to be skeptical and learn. I have always loved learning.
If you were raised in a different religion, what is your relationship to it?
I was raised as a non-denominational Christian in a very small local church. My relationship with Christianity in general has become less fiery and touchy as I know that people can be a leftist Christian who doesn’t force their beliefs on people. However, I am still extremely critical of those who use their religion to harm and bludgeon their own values into law. Which, in the United States, is an extremely common theme. I have and will continue to be vocal about the Christian fascists that are in the government. The church that I grew up in falls under this. The pastor’s son is a state representative in which I live. His father constantly speaks right wing conservative garbage which has completely warped my parents. The community there is very tight-knit to the point of possible cult-like behavior that I have to pretend to be a part of due to my current living situation. Talking to my parents and their constant bringing up of their brand of Christianity leaves me still feeling quite hurt and angry.
Do you practice magic? If yes, how does it relate to your religion?
Yes, I do and it predates my Satanism. After becoming an atheist, I said fuck it, I want to learn about everything that was deemed off limits. Through Tumblr, I learned about witches and instantly was interested. I still see it as a helpful therapeutic placebo effect to calm and soothe the mind. Does placing ingredients in a jar actually protect you when you’re nervous about traveling? No, but the idea of having something physical is comforting and allows that anxiety to lessen. Remember kid, magic is not a replacement for common sense and medical advice!
Do you work with or venerate demons other than Lucifer/Satan or other beings associated with him? If not, would you like to? Which ones?
I work with a couple demons including Caim, Bune, Vine, and if you consider them separate, Baphomet. In terms of Caim, I call him in my divination practice and work with animals, Bune for my money/work magic, and Vine for protection and justice magic.
Do you consider to be worshipping Lucifer/Satan? How do you personally feel about worship in general?
No. As said previously he is not a god or deity to me which is what worship implies. I feel uncomfortable with worship as a concept as it comes off sometimes as a requirement for a good relationship with the being like in Christianity. In general, I don’t like the idea of hierarchies in any fashion. To worship is to say they are above or better than you in some way. No being is more important than another whether physical or metaphysical.
How do you feel about Christian God?
I have complex feelings about the Christian god. I don’t like the idea of a perfect being that can supposedly do no wrong. One that has requirements to be subservient to him to not experience eternal suffering on top of the suffering that already exists in this world. I also don’t like him taking credit for human accomplishments. However, due to my upbringing, in certain times of fear, I do also call out to him as well. That small voice in my head that Christian guilt still appears on occasion.
How do you feel about angels? How about Michael specifically?
My denomination I grew up with did not work with/speak much of angels or saints like Catholics do. Angels are a faceless group of beings acting as a guardian for people or an army that do whatever the Christian god says against demons in the spiritual war. Therefore I haven’t got any strong feelings about them. In a sense I do feel pity, because unlike fallen angels like Satan they are deluded, and in another anger at their inability to question the god they serve.
Do you work with or venerate any Christian spirits?
Nope, and I don’t plan to.
Write a Luciferian/Satanist poem.
Be the wolf not sheep
Be the stars that light the dark
Uplift the inner god
What aspects of Lucifer/Satan are currently the most significant in your practice?
Resilience. I am going through a rough patch in my life in which I am away from the people and places that I love, have no money, and forced to hide pretty much every aspect of my identity for my own safety. He encourages me to live on and continue to strive for what I want.
What symbols are significant to you as a Luciferian/Satanist?
For me, the image of Baphomet or the “as above so below” hands is the most significant. Aesthetically I like the inverted pentagram and the Leviathan’s Cross but they don’t hold any religious significance to me.
Write a Luciferian/Satanist prayer.
Satan, guide us in thy flame and morning light
Keep us within thy protective black wings
Come forth and help us raise ourselves up against oppression
Remind us of our common humanity and ourselves as honorable gods
Ave Satanas!
Nema
Is there anything you would like to change about your practice? How can you do that?
I wish that I could be more consistent and diversify my magic. I have worked to be more consistent over the past year but mental health will always affect that. As for diversifying my magic, I need to do more research. I have been intrigued by numerology and astrology, but never fully dove into either.
If you were not always a Luciferian/Satanist, how did you change since you became one?
I have become much more comfortable and enthusiastic to learn about the occult and the ability to more comfortably engage with Christianity. When I was an atheist or even a Christian I felt so incredibly uncomfortable with interacting with it on my own without the use of a mediator. Now, I am more okay with doing so critically and from a perspective that I’m sure of on my own. Doesn’t make it any more enjoyable, but I can more easily pick it apart.
What is your favorite text relating to your religion and why?
My favorite text is probably Rev. Cain’s The Infernal Gospel, purely for its digestibility, and it's easy to build off of your own personal beliefs. I also enjoyed Ellen Pagel’s The Origin of Satan as it granted me a historical and factual reference for the development of the idea of Satan and Christianity. It really helped me understand Christianity not from an ideological standpoint, but as a text and idea that reflected the humans that lived through social and political events. A way of depicting what the human authors were going through.
What are your favorite and least favorite fictional depictions of Lucifer/Satan and why?
I have not really seen any fictional depictions of Satan, outside of Paradise Lost, that I particularly like. Demons in general on the other hand, my favorite depictions
What has Luciferianism/Satanism helped you with?
Confidence, dealing with that self-critical voice, and giving myself purpose.
What Luciferian/Satanist stories are important to you and why? (ex. stories of the Garden of Eden or the Rebellion of Angels)
The Rebellion of Angels for sure. The act of rejecting dictatorship and embracing yourself and creating your own domain really resonates with me.
Do you listen to music with Luciferian/Satanist themes? Do you feel your religion has any impact on what you like to listen to?
I adore punk music now. Music that directly calls out injustice or is about embracing yourself as a weirdo and outsider. I jumped into this kind of music after identifying as a Satanist but always had an interest–it makes it that much more meaningful to me. I also listen to some demon hymns.
Write a thank you note to Lucifer/Satan.
Thank you for bringing out the best qualities in me. Caring for me. Allowing me to feel more comfortable in being myself!
What do you find to be hard about being a Luciferian/Satanist?
The hardest is hiding it and the horrid misguided people have about it. At one point in my life I didn’t have to hide it and was quite open about it but now I cannot and it's so frustrating. I also find it frustrating hearing Christians fear-monger about us when it is obvious they have no idea what we really do or are. Constantly being blamed for every bad thing. A good recent example of this is the destruction of the TST Baphomet statue this past winter by a fundamentalist Christian that spewed lies about how horrible we are on TV. Thankfully, the man is being charged for a hate crime and is being tried in May. I hope that the charges stick.
What about being a Luciferian/Satanist brings you joy?
I love the community it brought me and the (near) daily rituals that allow me to engage with the spiritual in a meaningful way to me.
Do you feel alienated sometimes as a Luciferian/Satanist? Do you have or would like to have some kind of community? If you don't but would like to, how can you find it?
Yes. I would love a better in-person community. The one group IRL that I have visited was alright but I do not think I vibe well with them so I haven’t gone back. However I have a couple discord servers and an online satanic church that have been a near lifeline for me.
Describe your ideal altar or sacred space.
I nearly had it and you can find it on my tumblr. My decks, idols, crystals, jars, candles, and (what I never got to do) my Baphomet tapestry.
What songs, if you have any, remind you of Lucifer/Satan?
TX2-Randy McNally (No Love Like Christian Hate)
Pierce the Veil-King for a Day
Pansy Division-Blame the Bible
Bad Religion-Punk Rock Song
Nine Inch Nails-Happiness in Slavery
Is fun a part of your religious practice and why yes or no? If yes, in what ways? If not, would you like to incorporate it? How?
Yes to an extent. My fun is including pop culture demons to my practice such as Sebastian from Black Butler or Crowley from Good Omens. They bring me happiness. I sometimes wish I could be more silly with it but it is hard because the side of Satan I see and have interacted with is quite serious.
Do you have any Luciferian/Satanist UPGs? What are they?
My UPG is that he loves roses and chocolate, loves physical touch (I have felt him actually touch me multiple times), and in general a quiet man.
What are some interesting things about your local devil lore? Research if you don't know.
I have tried to do some research for my local area, however, most I’ve been able to find are in Kansas about an hour away. Some say there is a chair that is a portal to hell, a cemetery or that the devil appears in a cemetery’s chapel on Halloween, and a stairway that leads to hell. In general, it seems Stull, Kansas is particularly steeped for devil folklore.
If you have any, what are your favorite songs you associate with Lucifer/Satan or your religion in general?
See 26.
What are your favorite depictions of Lucifer/Satan in visual arts and why? What makes them speak to you?
Le Génie du Mal by Guillaume Geefs, 1848 for its rendition displaying his beauty and his gentleness and L’Ange Dechu (The Fallen Angel) by Alexandre Cabanel, 1847 for how it depicts the rawness of emotion of betrayal by the Christian god.
Your thoughts on Romantic and Socialist Satanism (if you don't know what they are, research - they are important to the development of Satanism and Luciferianism as religions).
Well I find Romantic Satanism interesting as an academic, its influence on art and literature as a movement off of an accidental sympathetic portrayal seems uniquely…satanic in the twisting of something used to prop up Christian society to create works questioning humanity like Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. I would also argue Rocky Horror Picture Show is a great example. Similarly, Socialist Satanism is a cool political tool that is logical and unique. I am not as familiar with it, however it seems like you could try and compare TST to be a modern (and problematic…and ineffective) rendition .
Your thoughts on the Bible.
The Bible is a book. A book of myths alongside the mythologizing of history by humans to fit their own beliefs. For example, the worshiping of the golden calf done by Aaron and the jews in the desert while they waited on Moses is a way of shaming a version of Yaweh that originally was in the form of a cow that was still accepted in other sects. The devil was added in later, the use of the word Satan to refer to any nonbeliever.
Your thoughts on Paradise Lost.
I have only read the beginning as of yet, and from the start it definitely seems that Milton didn’t necessarily mean for Satan to come across as a sympathetic character, but however he did succeed in making him and hell seem pretty damn cool.
Choose a myth involving Lucifer/Satan and reflect on it.
. The myths of selling your soul to the devil to acquire fame always struck me as odd. Perhaps it's because the idea of fame sounds awful to me.
What has Lucifer/Satan done for you and what can you do for him?
They have given me security and support, and I really want to honor them by continuing my studies and also continuing my offerings. I do need to ask him more for his thoughts and guidance directly.
Do you meditate as part of your religious practice? Which forms of meditation work best for you, and which do not? Why?
I struggle with meditation, my brain needs stimulation and for my hands to be moving. My version of meditation is usually a couple seconds of quiet in front of my altar I try to do everyday, offering a prayer to the demons.
Do you celebrate any festivals or special days as part of your religious practice?
Holidays I celebrate:
I do acknowledge the wheel of the year, though not particularly seriously minus Yule and Samhain
Shayreh’s Created Holidays
Quintessence–Jan 13-14
Florae Infernelle–March 19-20
Flames Out–Sept 15
Ars Trivium–Nov 5
Lightrising–Dec 19-25
Have you ever done an official dedication? If yes, what did you do and how did it affect you? If not, would you like to?
No, I haven’t. I would like to at some point. I see it as an extremely serious commitment and would want it to be done properly and not something done rushed.
If you were baptized, have you ever revoked your baptism? If yes, how did you do that and what did it change? If not, would you like to or not? Why?
I was baptized when I was a preteen. However I don’t particularly see it as necessary to revoke it at this particular point as it's pretty obvious that I no longer serve the christian god (I didn’t really even when I was baptized) and when I get around to doing an official dedication I believe that formally revokes it.
If you make offerings, what do you like to give Lucifer/Satan (it doesn't have to be physical)? What do you think he likes to receive?
I do make offerings, less often than I’d like/used to when I was living on my own. Now I have to be much more secretive. I offer cigarettes I’m smoking, chocolate, and coffee nowadays. I used to have a jar that I’d recharge every night with moonwater. He also enjoys roses and alcohol.
If you use pre-written prayers, what is your favorite one and why?
I don't usually but I do have a prayer book that includes this one in Latin–and I love any excuse to speak it:
Sit laus Satanas: laudate Satanas: laudata Satanas.
Satanas in nomine nigra flamma.
Potestatem filios terrae.
Et Rex magnus, glorificamus te iungere
Tantum ergo Sacramentum Veneremur virtutis tuae satanas,
Dominum nostrum de terra deorsum regionum
Satan regit et fortis materia, et floria, et imperium sempiternum
Sic factum est!
Rewrite a Christian prayer. Try to not make it a simple name switch, but something actually fitting the context of your religion.
We never had any scripted prayers in my old church, so honestly I don’t know any minus the Lord’s Prayer that was said to be a template on how to pray–it was supposedly not meant to be recited or prayed word-for-word.
How do you see Lucifer/Satan? It doesn't have to be based on visions, you can just describe how you imagine him to look when you think of him. You don't have to limit yourself to visualizing either, especially if you struggle with it! What scents do you associate with him, for example?
Most UPG I have is the forms for Satan and the other demons I interact with. The form he comes to me in is similar to Elias from the anime The Ancient Magus Bride, sometimes with large leathery wings like a bat that he wraps me in. Caim comes to me as a blackbird most of the time. Bune as a large dragon with multiple heads. Vine as a man with the head of a lion in golden armor on a white steed.
How has your practice changed since you have started?
My practice is much more slimmed down and streamlined with me moving back in with my christian parents. I cannot have a proper altar how I’d like, I have to hide all my decks, I had to leave my dedicated clothing and items behind.
Do you consider Lucifer/Satan to be a deity?
No, as previously stated.
Did you use to be afraid of Lucifer/Satan? What were you afraid of and how did it change? Do you have some remaining fears?
I wasn’t particularly afraid of him, more afraid of Hell and eternal suffering. I never understood blaming all bad things on just one random guy. What was his purpose if you already supposedly knew that god was unbeatable? My main anxiety working with Satan was the human judgements.
Your thoughts on Hell.
I still get anxiety around what if all that's said about how horrible Hell is is real. My rational thoughts say that it doesn’t really exist.
Do you consider blasphemy or inversion a part of your religious practice? Why yes or no? If yes, what is its role?
No. I never felt particularly strongly about being a christian when I was a believer and not really one to be vengeful towards god for just growing up how I was raised. I suppose that falls in line with how a being only really exists or is true to the person who believes him. I wasn’t ever a particularly dedicated believer in the first place. I’m more to go around shaming christo-fascists/nationalists than the christian god.
How can you fight the far right presence and ideas in the Left Hand Path community?
Check your sources. Look for dog whistles. Learn the talking points. Call them out and defend/stand up for those who are being attacked.
How is your religion present in your daily life?
It's not super consistent but I try to light incense and cleanse my room and self, pray at my altar, sign the inverted cross, draw a ‘demon of the day’ card, anoint myself morning and evening with sun and moon water, and spray myself with my dedicated cologne.
Do you like complex rituals, or do you prefer to keep things simple? Why?
I typically have low spoons so I like simplicity, however I do enjoy more complex rituals on special occasions. They do tend to make me feel particularly close with Satan.
What aspects of Lucifer/Satan do you feel are most present in your practice? Would you like to explore some other ones? Why or why not?
The most present aspects are that I try and participate in activism and spreading awareness of key humanitarian issues, I study and love to learn, I love breaking gender and sexual norms, and strive for my independence.
What do you think happens after we die? Is it important to you or not? Why?
My religious thoughts are that Hell is just a place where you spend eternity with Satan and the other demons, working with them to help continue to guide humanity when we die. Again my logic says it's an eternal sleep without dreams.
What things about your practice are the most important to you and why?
Divination. It’s my longest lasting aspect and it keeps me focused in my practice.
How would you describe what your religion is about to someone who knows nothing about it?
I have described it as live and let live, do what you want forever, and fuck bigots in a trenchcoat.
Where do your ethics come from?
My ethics come from a humanitarian perspective to support and respect all. Let people live even if they’re different from you. Fight oppressive systems and those who purport it. Uplift each other. Inaction is an action.
How do your ethics relate to your religion?
They fall in line, however I am not as quick to anger or revenge as stereotypically seen in Satanist philosophy. I also am not as individualistic and highly believe in community and going against the USA’s obsession with hyper individuality. Socialism rules.
What do you appreciate about Lucifer/Satan?
I appreciate his softness that compliments his firmness. He is absolutely not afraid to roast you and then hold you.
Do you use any kind of divination as part of your religious practice? If yes, what methods work best for you?
I use tarot, oracle cards, my ‘demon of the day’ deck, and my pendulum on occasion.
How does cultural Christianity affect you as a Luciferian/Satanist? What things you do or beliefs you hold are culturally Christian? If you live in a Christian culture, it's likely more than you think even if you were not raised in the religion.
I mostly fall in celebrating some culturally christian holidays from a secular perspective like Christmas (give gifts and be jolly with those you love) and Valentine’s Day (an excuse to be lovey dovey with your partner). Easter is for chocolate.
If you are interested in Lilith (or any closed figure), what are the qualities of her that speak to you? What open figures with those qualities could you explore in your practice instead? Research if you don't know.
Nope. I’ve never been interested in anything related to her.
What does it mean to you to be a Luciferian/Satanist?
It means bettering yourself and others the best you can for the sake of the greater good.
Is sexuality a part of your religious practice? What is its role in it?
Yes but not to a major degree. I do like dedicating orgasms on occasions and do find queer BDSM with my partner to be beautiful and godly. I have also had Satan come to me in the middle of having sex with him and tell me he chose my partner for me. It was so intense we had to stop because I started crying. It was so moving and special to me that Satan knows me so well to choose someone so wonderful for me.
If you were planning a ritual or any religious activity for a group of people, what would it be and how would it look?
I’m not sure, perhaps dedicating acts of service or activism with those in need.
What non-satanic philosophies and practices do you find inspiring?
I find the idea of Socialism to be quite inspiring. Fuck capitalism.
What makes your religious practice personal and truly yours?
The fact that I almost exclusively do sigils, spells, hexes, and rituals that I have created myself (either on the fly or planned) and have a personal relationship with Satan.
What would you like to change about Luciferianism/Satanism and why?
I’d like to change its stereotypes and inaccurate reputation/representation so that we can gain better understanding from the wider public. I also would like for non-theistic Satanists to not try and erase theistic Satanists or claim we’re just as crazy as Christians.
What ideas in LaVey's works do you think are connected to his fascist sympathies and how can you challenge their presence in the LHP community? Do you think you were influenced by them? How can you deconstruct them?
I never interacted much with LaVey’s works–what little I did instantly turned me off as it struck me as generally hostile– and I have never interacted with any LaVeyans either. I stick close to my own current community. However, his belief in the Satanist superiority/hierarchy and beliefs in eugenics is inherently disgusting. It directly goes against what Satanism stands for–the equality and divine in all humans.
What plants and animals in your local environment are associated with Lucifer/Satan? Research!
Aralia spinosa grows in Missouri and is nicknamed the Devil’s Walking Stick!
What popular ideas in your religion do you disagree with and why?
To a certain extent, the inner god. I believe in all beings being on equal ground and the word ‘god’ assumes you rule over others absolutely. While you can to an extent be self-determined, there are just things outside your control.
What texts were influential for you as a Luciferian/Satanist and how?
I think the most influential text has been Paradise Lost. Just because it is what convinced me to look into Satanism seriously.
How can you connect your religious practice to your culture?
I don’t identify with a particular culture, I'm just a bland white suburban American with no connection to any familial or regional roots and traditions.
Would you like to incorporate your hobbies or interests into your religious practice? How can you do that?
I love to make gothic and satanic themed sims builds! I also love fashion and including satanic themes and motifs in my outfits!
Research and describe a local folk demon or a folk demon from the culture of your ancestors. If you really can't find one, just describe any folk demon you find interesting.
I found some mysterious monsters rather than demons, but one is the Ozark Howler or the Devil Cat that supposedly takes the form of a large cat like a cougar (however they don’t live in this area) and glowing eyes that can let out a howl that can kill however if you hear it three times. Some people apparently say it’s the size of a bear with shaggy long hair and horns.
Describe a Christian story you perceive differently as a Luciferian/Satanist. How and why is it different?
The myth of Job is an interesting one, Satan and God making a bet on him to test his faithfulness. As a Satanist, my feelings are mixed. On one hand, like in Noah’s Ark, it shows the Christian God’s ability to be cruel and propensity for killing for the sake of his own interest. Especially as Job was supposedly the most faithful man and following God’s will. On the other hand, the actual enactment of the violence was done by Satan. However, when someone hires a hitman, it's not just the hitman who gets tried for murder. Satan is forthright in his actions, even offering Job an out of his suffering, sympathetic to him by offering him the same offer he gave his fellow angels at the great fall–renounce God in order to be free of his tyranny. If anything, at least Satan is willing to be honest and put his face to his actions while God sat invisible, immoveable, and deaf to Job’s losses.
Your thoughts on the concept of sin.
Sin doesn’t exist, it's merely a way for christians to shame others.
Do you have some personal religious traditions? Describe them.
I’ve only been a Satanist for a year, so I don’t have any personal traditions.
Do you perceive Lucifer and Satan as the same or different and why?
For me Satan, Lucifer, and Baphomet are a trinity–three in one, each representing an aspect of the same being. Satan being the rebellious political spirit, Lucifer being the skeptical and knowledge-seeking spirit, and Baphomet being the celebration of the human experience and diversity spirit (e.g. inner-gods). They are all obviously intertwined and participate together in the Satanist system, you cannot separate them. I generally refer to all of them as either Satan/Lucifer, however if I want to focus on a particular aspect I will call them by the associated name.
Does your religion bring you comfort? If yes, how?
Yes, as it provides me with a sense of control and a sense of community.
Describe a folk story about Lucifer/Satan, preferably a local one.
The closest thing I could find are the folk tales of the Ozark Howlers, essentially the american hellhound or Black/Old Shuck. Not exactly about him, but I’m having a h
How do you connect with your own divinity? When do you feel it the most?
When I’m with my partner. They compliment my personality and bring out my best, stretching me and helping me grow!
Recognizing your inherent worth and divinity also means recognizing it within other beings. How does it affect your treatment of them and do you think something about it should change?
I think that I need to be braver and more active with irl interactions. I tend to be a hermit and therefore just don’t interact much with others to appreciate them.
Do you have an interest in the dark and macabre, for example, vulture culture or certain kinds of music? What makes it speak to you? Do you think it intersects with your religion? If yes, how?
Oh yes. I’m fascinated by dark mysteries and ghost stories, goth decor and alt fashion. I also like spending time in graveyards and speaking/being with the spirits. I think it does as I often do death work and find death to be an aspect of life–something that connects us all as humans.
Choose an aspect of Lucifer/Satan and reflect on it.
His thirst for knowledge. I love learning even though it's hard for me to structure time and focus for myself. I like having something in common with him.
Do you consider yourself a pagan? Why or why not?
Not particularly, as I don’t believe in any nature-based beings or practice much nature-based magic.
Is taking care of yourself a part of your practice? How?
Very much so however I’m still not great at it, I’m working on it and try not beat myself up about it. I try to work on hygiene and skincare.
What makes you appreciate earthly life?
Food and sex for physical appreciation. If you’ve experienced the power behind being in a choir, there’s nothing more beautiful and human.
If you have ex-Christian trauma, has the religion you practice now helped you? How?
I do. My religion has helped me develop my own sense of self outside my parents and my ex partner. To be braver. To be more myself.
What values and virtues do you associate with Lucifer/Satan? How can you make them more present in your life?
Bravery is what I most associate with him. I also associate rebellion and love with him. I definitely need more bravery–I’m an extremely anxious person. I need to challenge myself more.
Has your religion helped you with accepting yourself? If yes, how?
Definitely. It accentuates my queerness and encourages me to not be so harsh on myself. I’m horribly self-critical.
What makes you feel connected to Lucifer/Satan?
Reading. Academics. Church.
Are you Luciferian or Satanist? Why are you on this path and not the other? Is there something you appreciate about the other one and would like to incorporate into your own practice? If yes, how can you do that?
I identify as a Satanist, though I do have Luciferian tendencies to have Lucifer and Satan as two aspects of the same being and to separate him from Christian lore. However I do not believe in a light and dark and believe spiritual goals are only important to you if you believe so. If you are a casual Satanist because that’s what suits you that’s cool.
What things about Christianity do you think are harmful? What do you appreciate and is it something you would like to take inspiration from? If yes, how can you do that?
Harmful things: blind faith, tendency for text literalism, subservience and superiority, proselytizing, and us vs. them innateness in believers and non believers. I do appreciate taking care of others and loving thy neighbor. I try to do those things daily.
Write down some problematic things about your own religion. How can you counteract them?
The ability for independence to turn into superiority/right-wing fascism and cultural appropriation. I hope the prevalence of anti-fascist Satanists and calling them and those practices out continue to grow and raise awareness.
What good things do you think your religion brings to the world? How can you make the world better as a Luciferian/Satanist?
I think it brings a sense of community to those who are rejected by society or oppressed by established systems. Supporting and being active in your Satanist and local community is your number one way to make the world better.
What makes you proud of yourself?
This is a surprisingly hard question. I’m proud of how I took a giant chance to move to the UK for those few years. The best few years of my life and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
What brings you pleasure? Do you ever feel guilty for enjoying harmless things? If yes, why and how can you help yourself release that guilt?
Food. FOOD. I struggle with disordered eating and feel extremely guilty. It's one of my main things I am working on with Baphomet and Satan. They remind me that you can and should enjoy food. You should have balance at the same time to make sure you stay healthy and don’t spend all your money on it.
What interesting things about your religion have you learned recently?
I recently learned that Agrat and Azazel enjoy weed lmao.
What are the subjects in the realm of your religion you would like to learn more about?
I want to learn more about more goetic demons, as I’m only familiar with a few! Especially lesser known ones! Also Leviathan too.
7 notes
·
View notes
This will be sort of a long post but I need to talk.. It's pretty deep. If anything else should be warned, please always feel free to let me know. We sometimes have difficulty remembering what all something contains outside of the warning themselves. This has seemingly a lot of mentions of programming.
TW: overall blanket RAMCOA, specifically RA (magyk,halloween), day time/night time, C/SA
.
.
.
.
.
.
The ritualistic behavioral patterns we displayed never seemed apparent because it was normal to us. Our spiritualism seemed natural because it was all we had known since birth.
*All we had known since birth.*
It's difficult because our magyk is something sacred to us. It keeps us going. It's how we've made strong connections. We've taught it. Practiced in every day life. Our youngest friends we made by teaching them magyk. Nothing harmful, thank fuck....but we've always been inclined. It was something we were praised for when we were young. Something we vaguely remember like echoes through a tunnel.
It's so complicated because they created this divide in us as well. Christianity and...I would say more so Luciferianism. We viewed both sides of things. It was so deeply ingrained. Then our grandmother who taught us our native culture and roots. I very much understand why we are omnistic.
But the thing that always stuck is....we never knew how we knew things. We never remembered the night time. I could tell you how to and why you should use a pendulum as early as I can remember. Summoning spells for angels and demons, precautions. I knew sigils. I never questioned.
I'm learning now I have my own subsystem. I've always known there were other "me's" sometimes I would feel like a different version of myself. Didn't quite feel the same. Remember other things. I'm the keeper to the knowledge. I'm the teacher. I'm the one who asks questions. Unfortunately it gave me my answers after long enough of connecting puzzle pieces. Just how everything connected so perfectly without even me realizing. My mind keeps wanting to ask more but now I have this answer and I've seen the catastrophic results. I'm satisfied to go with what comes.
I guess. Sometimes even gatekeepers need to fragment to withstand the memories you have to hold. I know I have several libraries. There are books that I dare not touch because of the feelings they give me. They are dark and black billowing things. They turn my stomach sideways. I'm satisfied to wait until they call to me, I guess I will know the time. Things always happen in synchronized timing somehow. All as it is meant to be. I asked the universe to tell me the truth. I asked the universe to help me live authentically. I said I would reach in to the shadows of who I am and I'm not one to back down from the fear.
I understand the weight that weighs behind my mind and I am willing to proceed with that understanding.
It's easy. For people to watch true crime. To watch horror movies and distance themselves from it. We have been forced to watch in abject horror but it stopped working. We stopped feeling it. Some of us are desperate to feel it again. Watching it to regain a sense of humanity that feels stolen from us.
The weight. Is easy to forget, when it is not you. The weight is a game. A fun little fright. On halloween you go trick or treat.
Blood. Is shed.
I feel the weight. I want to feel that weight. I want to carry that burden. Someone has to feel it. It has to be felt. Sometimes I grow tired of the people who close their eyes to it. I wish I could shake them and tell them they can't just ignore it out of existence. Sometimes it feels like I'm in a nightmare every day I know it's ongoing. Like I feel the weight of all the sins. Like I can feel their pain. Their torment. I feel them when I cry. I feel them when I see true crime. I remember the survivors and feel that weight. Praise the strength they forced to survive and will them comfort when they can come to put that weight down with tired, shaking, muscles.
Terror is real. It's a real thing. It's happening all over in the world around us. It's *why* you _must_ appreciate love and breath and warmth and comfort. You have to. You have to. It's not promised. There are those of us who have had to find it in the darkest of places. Some eyes snap shut like bunker doors to stories like that, refusing any of it to be truth. It leaves the rest of us out in the nuclear winter of this terror.
IT EXISTS. IT EXISTS. IT EXISTS.
Children are hurt. Children are dying. There are terrible, awful people who do awful things. You have to love, and be kind, and be compassionate. How can you not? How can you not? How can you stand in the face of a nuclear winter and tell it it doesn't exist just because your eyes are cemented closed.
I live becauae there is torture. Not to rage. Out of spite and from love. I love green. I love sky. I love thunder and rain. I love smiles and holding someone when they need it most. There is suffering. It's why there has to be love. Balance right? That's what they taught us?
Well if there was truth in ancient wisdoms slammed in to my fucking head. It means there's some goddamn balance. I have to live. I have to speak. I have to love. For all the hell there is. For all the ones who don't make it. For all the one's who try and fail. For all the one's who aren't believed. For myself. For my family member who begged us to never speak of it and forget.
Because my abuser died and I lived. And that means something. Happy anniversary month to your death. Fuck you very much.
And to the dismay of some in my system, I will continue to speak our truth and stand in that. He was not a good man.
It feels good to be able to come on to here and let the pain out. It's not all I am, like I said, there's more to life; but it's empowering. To stand in the shadow of truth.
They told me power comes from pain. I've found it's one of many ways to become wise. That's what they always said, I was wise, for my age. Wise beyond my years. The older we get the more I remember things and research to find it's yet again, some anciet magyk. The rituals are at the core of who I am.
From what I know it's very likely it started before birth. We know our mother had been abused during the pregnancy, aimed at us in utero.
Pandora's box has opened. It feels like falling down the rabbit hole. Even hearing us talk now I can hear it all echoing.
I just want to know how many people were implicit in it. Who can I even trust? How deep does it go? I thought I knew what our trauma was. But this...the floor fell out from under me. The lingering dark took me whole.
.
.
.
Tw: Symbology, selfharm, electrocution, survival, christianity
.
.
.
.
.
We always had nightmares of our first known alter being tortured on black and white tile. She would be chained with black chains and electrocuted. Later in life she took to wearing a long black chain wrapped around a belt loop, she would use it as a whip. She used to keep a knife in her boot too. We always did. Always did weird things with knives. Never thought about it. How we would black out and start cutting in precise precision strokes over and over the same one with an exacto blade. As deep as those were and still those scars are barely visible. We used to come home with scratches on our back and all over our body. Our mom saw one time. Just the once? What other scars might be hidden? Why did we mxstxrbate with a knife?
There was a scab on our head that never went away. Another in our belly button.
We had digestive issues as long as we could remember. But when the nightmares started coming back during our puberty it got so much worse.
The constipation...we've found it's often caused by clenching so tightly in expectation to be hurt.
We were the first one in our class we knew to get our period.
We always used to feel detached from others. Used to play "survival" in our free time. See how long we could run away from home and if we could live in the woods.
.
.
.
Why did we get the desire all the time to stand on specific streets with a rxpe me sign? Why could we feel such an intense struggle back and forth over that? Why was it such a need? Why do we get triggered and flee and run and get the desire to do this? Is this a punishment?
.
.
You can't tell me it didn't happen. That the oldest one of us called your symbol her sigil for as long as we know. She said her name meant star. She was an angel. She took the beatings for us. She took the pain. And she fractured for it. She cried to a god that did not respond. She cried to a god she was forced to put faith in. And yet, it's as if he punished her for existing. Punished us.
Created us for their own gain. It's still difficult to interpret. The information as it unfolds is dark and it leads me to deeper places. I feel like I learn more about the world the more I learn about the burning Why's. I have to love. I have to love. I have to live. Until there's nothing more. I have to. To survive all this not to love? Not to smile? To laugh? To cry? To mourn it all?
It exists. It happened. It happens. There are scary monsters who lurk in the dark.
Once you learn to hunt in the dark and expect to see them, it gets easier. A good hunter learns what it's hunting. Know thy enemy right? Right?
Pull them from the shadows.
I am not afraid.
-⚜
To those in system overseeing my posts, please don't delete it. I beg you stop silencing us. I beg you to allow us to let our pain free. I don't want to be chained to it, or ashamed of it. I said I wanted to live my truth. Trust I will do my best to support all of us in this. We will find our way through. They don't deserve our voice.
9 notes
·
View notes