#lovelylavenderpages

[unchartedmindofmadness]

These are a few of my favourite things. 🖤 Words. Yes, the alien 👽 is smokin’ a doob. Courtesy of a friend who visited Roswell. Writing. Writing. Writing. #words #poetry #poetrycommunity #poetryofinstagram #poet #poetsofinstagram #instapoetry #poems #poem #writerscommunity #writersofinstagram #lovelylavenderpages #roswell #aliens #galaxygirl #myownworld (at York, Pennsylvania) https://www.instagram.com/p/ByR0LVpHmL6/?igshid=g4lo1ty9xxe1

[unchartedmindofmadness]

Roses 🥀 && how I love them.. like sadness on a summer day. ~SWiest • • • Damage Control 6.28.19 . Your love made it’s way.. . Like an appearance on a stage.. . Not breaking any legs, but breaking the foundation of my entire existence.. . . Everything is Shattered. . “I just want to go home.” • • ~SWiest #lovelylavenderpages (at Broken Hearts) https://www.instagram.com/p/BzTE13JnsQW/?igshid=11pc69xnx7epn

[unchartedmindofmadness]

Don’t tell me I didn’t try when you’re the reason my tears won’t dry. Strength isn’t in numbers, it’s what you hold in 1. You’re the one who reaches for me when you refuse to see what is done. You confuse the issues && mix reality with fantasy. So tell me now what you think will be. ~ SWiest #lovelylavenderpages https://www.instagram.com/p/ByN63MvnMkj/?igshid=1leub7sqcuv5l

[unchartedmindofmadness]

📸: @t___13 🏙: @graffitiwarehouse • • "The closer you come, the further you run." ~ S₩iest #lovelylavenderpages ▪ ▪ ▪ #angel #poet #poetry #blackandwhitephotography #bandw #portraits #modelling #portfolios #feature #work #education #artistry #lonewolf #neverbeenluckyinlove (at Baltimore, Maryland) https://www.instagram.com/uncharted_mind_of_madness/p/Bu5XYLaBqpi/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1u2h4f0gkextb

[unchartedmindofmadness]

Stuck•in•this•Castle ▪ ▪ ▪ Here I am. A figment of your imagination. As alive as you have kept me. && here I stand; You created me, && now you've jaded me. Left me hating me Again. ~SWiest @uncharted_mind_of_madness ▪ ▪ #lovelylavenderpages #blog #castle #stuck #trapped #imagination #jaded #poems #poetsofig #poetic #herself #poet #poetrycommunity (at Lovers Rock) https://www.instagram.com/p/BstJEB_BQa5/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=16sth8atiaa3n

[unchartedmindofmadness]

If you catch yourself on shaky ground, jump so your feet land where there supposed to. ~ SWiest ▪ ▪ ▪ #shakyground #jump #land #resilience #lovelylavenderpages #lifequotes #writerscommunity (at Lancaster, Pennsylvania) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bn-HbG2D_T6/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=16d6zd953sccz

[unchartedmindofmadness]

Her spirit will hit you quicker than an edible. && Real love don't come from instant gratification neither. ~ SWiest ° ° New poems soon. ° ° #impact #spirituality #edibles #love #instantgratification #lonelobo #poetic #lovelylavenderpages #mental #outterworld #think #thought #meditate #absentminded #peace #serenity (at Longs Park) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bn9yNRjj4lG/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=dr8xtrm56r36

[unchartedmindofmadness]

The Bitch Chronicles ▪ ▪ It is truly a blessing to be given the opportunity to try new platforms! Yours truly will be a feature at a local poetry show. Stay tuned for more information!! ▪ ▪ #lovelylavenderpages #poetsofinstagram #poetrycommunity #poetic #poet #poetryofinstagram #written #writerscommunity #feature #local #spokenword #smart #intelligent #wise #wisewords https://www.instagram.com/p/Bnp3HF_DcJj/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=11n6l0qew01fb

[unchartedmindofmadness]

🫖 #lovelylavenderpages #poetry #writerslife #poetrycommunity #angel #physics #quantumphysics #lovequotes #lovers #poetic #teatime #home (at Dauphin County, Pennsylvania) https://www.instagram.com/p/CULjtm2ph8v/?utm_medium=tumblr

[unchartedmindofmadness]

6 Years Ago. The inversioned perceptions of multiple realities as the mind expands leaves more and more left behind on understanding. Yes I made that word up to fit the philosophy. #lovelylavenderpages (at Pennsylvania) https://www.instagram.com/p/CSan5ljHG5kpERAZgVspY9R38YgnjbD76dNoaM0/?utm_medium=tumblr

[unchartedmindofmadness]

Progress && Change

Boy this past year has been one for the books! Lots of tears, change, growth, #happiness , decision making && laughter.

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Tomorrow, May 25th 2018 marks 1 #year since I've been in my new home. Home. My own. My safe space. My sanctuary. My abode. Mi casa. The last time I lived on my own like any other new college kid and my apartment turned into the party joint. I had a special love for that place, but this one comes also with a sense of accomplishment and peace. Everything I placed myself && melted my heart as each of the dozens of lists with 60 tiny projects were crossed off and composed into shorter tinier lists.

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Many people helped along the way. From moving everything I had nested the last 8 years after I moved home into a 25ft Uhall, to people kindly 'donating' to me my grill, patio set, bedroom furniture, washer/drier among other things. Searching and finding the perfect pieces that were needed was a venture my heart was happy to accomplish. Yard sales, thrift stores, online sites. Also everyone who helped me hang stuff, clean stuff, unpack, sort out, build furniture, carry it up the steps. Also a big thank you for those who stood by my side and kept me sane during all these changes and hard times; all the ups and downs and listening to me repeat myself for hours for days, Thank You!

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Changes! Changes! Changes! A new address, different job structures, the dynamics of my relationship, a newer, reliable vehicle and new friendships formed as others dissipated.

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Personal growth through this process has been such a huge blessing (they come as suprises huh?)! I pushed myself to read my personal writings, my thoughts aloud to an audience of about 25 persons. I have super strong boundaries. My confidence has grown. My hair color. My goals have become bigger and brighter and seem more and more possible every day! I talk more easily to everyone I meet and I'm not afraid to wear what I want, I don't have to explain it. I wear my glitter several times a month. I've learned to trust myself more. My hypochondria (knock on wood) has gotten much more manageable. I still have trouble here && there but less.

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I'm learning about structure and stability. I have multi-diagnosis and things get hard sometimes. Being in my own space and focusing more on treatment than on work, I can see more clearly what needs done and in some cases how to do it. I am starting a new program at the end of next month. It is a year long commitment with lots of homework, but it is designed for individuals with similar brain functioning as I. Serious psychotic impairments can make the seemingly simple (to normal/most persons) tasks and things completely unattainable for those who live with it. But that's why there is specific treatment moreso than "recovery" for us, because to face it honestly. There is no 'repair' and diagnosis such as these, you don't recover from -- You manage them. A lot of this can be done with preventive management and the right medication combination aside of a healthy life/work balance. I have learned, almost fatally, that my mental health and mental illness treatment must come first in life. Not my job, hobbies, family, interests.. because none of that will exist if mental illness gets pushed aside (even briefly). Because mental illness is like water seeping into the basement of a home. The water will always be there, always. And a brain that is born with a psychotic impairment is like that of a basement in a home with cracks in many places in its foundation. Mental illness is the water. Mental health is the basement. A basement with lots of cracks in the foundation (impairments in the brain) can be managed. Now there is no cure for mental illness, but there is treatment. When we put our jobs, families, hobbies or anything in front of our mental health it deters us from focusing on and really having the upper hand on our mental illness and essentially, our life. Putting anything - fill in the blank - in front of mental health is like patching the cracks. You can patch one crack on one side of a wall and then one in the floor and then one on another wall, only to have the first crack start leaking again. I'm using the term "leaking" to stand in place of symptoms.. insomnia, poor diet, anger, compulsive behavior, over spending, neglecting our self care.

Self care must be the top, #1 priority in the life of someone living with such an impairment. I can only speak for myself, but I have so many people telling me the same. I have tried every which way to make life work on my terms. Each way made my symptoms progress. Only when I made the decision to put my mental health above all, have I seen my symptoms regress. Keeping self care at the top of my list allows me to maintain healthy relationships, healthy job flow, healthy self image and is soon to help me with a complete diet change and sleep schedule. Adding more creativity, nature, exercising, learning and spiritual practices into my treatment plan are essential for me to be able to work, live and breathe and be healthy.

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So much of that I've been able to put into play. I especially love setting goals and learning.

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So here is to another year of creating a life worth living!

[unchartedmindofmadness]

ⓈⒸⓇⓄⓁⓁ • I’m busy. • #newblogpost #writingagain #scroll #lovelylavenderpages #blog #writersmind #blog #tumblr #bloggerstyle #flowers #flowersofinstagram #writtenpieces (at Wrightsville, Pennsylvania) https://www.instagram.com/p/B9OawiLHXUS/?igshid=w51krpz5nr4f

[unchartedmindofmadness]

New. New. New. • Fear. Loathing fear. • • Fear keeps us breathing stagnant air but sometimes the Universe uses forces that don’t even exist yet [FORCES THAT DON’T EVEN EXIST YET] to drive us forward into our future. It’s crazy; Absolutely insane actually.. Life, this life.. This wild ride.. Angry I get sometimes. Tired. I’m tired. Of dealing, of healing, of processing, of feeling.. Sometimes I am the sail that guides && other times I am the storm. • Everything got tossed up. Everything 180ed out. It’s like a fucking snow globe, upside down, right - left, shaking around all those tiny fragments of whatever.. Can ya relate?? Well imagine that snow globe flying out of the hands that hold it, shattering as it hits the surface to which it lands, sending glass && tiny snow fragments to scatter everywhere, fluid to drain out, a cracked base && even maybe the pretty little world held so safely inside the globe in which it existed gets damaged. No more lying (to the self) No more denying (of the truth) How about more trying (to get through.. life). Picking up the pieces, salvaging what you can. Deciding whether to discard the pieces that no longer fit && keep only what’s worth taking forward or packing them in a bag and carrying them wi.. No. Not to the future. The past can stay the past && I’ve managed to make peace with that. • I’ve recreated damn near everything.. new residence, new car, new friends, new jobs, new boundaries, new freedoms, redirected goals && outlook on wants && desires, a new life path, health routine, a new marital status.. New. New. New. New. New. && it’s bullshit all this work to have done && to keep going, keep pushing, dragging, moving myself forward.. but shit.. this different I feared && disguised as the wrong path for me, this different of taking my hands out of things and ‘let it be’, this new level of open mindedness and healing.. has birthed opportunities needed in order to redefine what love is, && what it’s not; What happiness is, && what it’s not. What truth is, a&& what it’s not. • • #chances #change #challenges #growth #forward #new #beginagain #lifelessons #opportunity #happiness #love #fear #lovelylavenderpages https://www.instagram.com/uncharted_mind_of_madness/p/BxbulQAHw3T/?igshid=s9rycvbb48ct

[unchartedmindofmadness]

📸: @bradley_michael_photography 🏙: #harrisburg • • • • @bradley_michael_photography still coming in strong with these shots! Always good to be back in the "studio" aka workin anywhere with this guy. #teamwork #makesthedreamwork • • • "Nothing I could ever do would be enough to prove this to you, so tell me what am I supposed to do? Tell me who's to blame for such a shame. Since you've come in my life, nothing will be the same. How can I communicate to you, this is not just a game?? Would you step up to your fortune or let it all wash away just to claim your fame?" ~SWiest #lovelylavenderpages ▪ ▪ ▪ #riverbank #frontstreet #pennsylvania #pa #hburg #717 #bnw #blackandwhite #photooftheday #photographers #photography #photo #portraitsofficial #portaitsdaily #portrait #sundown #studio #world #infocusAF #focus #susquehannariver #flowers #flowerstagram #floral #spring #instagoodmyphoto #instamood #potd #poetsofinstagram #poet #poeticsoul #poeticirony #poetry #writerscommunity #writersofig (at Harrisburg, Pennsylvania) https://www.instagram.com/uncharted_mind_of_madness/p/BwhgrA0HWLA/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=rbgx43q26xp2

[unchartedmindofmadness]

📸: @bradley_michael_photography 🏙: Harrisburg, PA • • 🌜 • • "This lifetime, past lives, maybe a thousand or so; Many, many moons, I've been searching for who I've found in you." ~ S₩iest #lovelylavenderpages • • 🌛 • • #portraitsofficial #potd #instagoodmyphoto #instamood #pursuitofportraits #sunset #sunsets #riverside #home #rivers #river #goldenhour #nature #photography #photooftheday #photograph #model #modelling #alternativemodel #altgirls #alt #alternative #gothalternative #style #fashion #reflectionofself #lace #mermaid #mermaodhair #poet #poetry #poetic (at Harrisburg, Pennsylvania) https://www.instagram.com/uncharted_mind_of_madness/p/BwOx_9knYmJ/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1fkvdacltnmt1

[unchartedmindofmadness]

Power-flipping-ful! • • • Current Thoughts 🤔: ▪ ▪ ▪ If not now, when? All we have is now. It's a process. I waited for years.. to move, to write, to practice spirituality more often, to have fun, to hike, to do crazy things with my hair, to dance, to create, to learn more about myself, to set myself free. Our only limits are the ones we set for ourselves. Don't trap yourself in a mental prison. You have the keys, all of them; to your own future! • • Cut toxicity: I really got honest with myself and started my own process (painfully slow) in 2015. 1st were some friends; 2nd was the job; 3rd was fear of attention; 4th was what I allowed myself to wear; 5th was my hair; 6th an unreliable vehicle I cherished dearly; 7th my love life (a sabotaged marriage, not by my hands); && I'm sure I will uncover more as I go. ▪ ▪ Love yaself. Be ya friend. Do what makes you happy. Enrich your soul. Set boundaries. Enforce them. This will show you a clearing to whatever path you are seeking! • • Much Love 💕💕 ▪ ▪ Find the link to my blog in my bio && here: My, The Lovely Lavender Pages: Unchartedmindofmadness.tumbler.com/ • • #loveyaself #setfree #awakening #boundaries #lovingkindness #stopwaiting #createthefuture #toxic #betrayal #energy #patience #bebrave #forgivemyself #puzzle #now #thetimeisnow #lovelylavenderpages #inspo #endstigma #hope #mentalillnessblogger #bloggerstyle #nami #mentalhealth #mentalillness #courage #nevergiveup #fightfear #doitafraid #selfcare (at What the Future) https://www.instagram.com/p/BtfTdQUBtv_/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=ij7d9ncm2t2l