#loved getting the chance to ramble about all the historical details in this!

[annasofthe11thdimension]

Hi! I've been reading through Like A Wheel, Ever Turning (such a good fic btw, you've managed to characterize Odile in such a fresh and compelling way), and I've been meaning to draw some fanart for it, and one of my friends suggested the sign of the Fox but... I haven't managed to figure out from the description in the chapter what it actually looks like. Do you have a reference for it, or was it made to be open to interpretation? In either case, thanks for the time, love your fic, have a great day.

If you feel inspired to, PLEASE do! I'd love to see someone try to draw that! And oh I can absolutely give refs for kitsune-ken! Okay, so when i was first looking into this, I went on a whole rabbit hole looking into the history of paper scissors rock - most of my resources came from wiki, this page (Link).

Here are the pictures i found on the related wiki media pages (link), and the ones i used as ref for the story:

But! While grabbing those from Wiki to add to this pose, I got a little distracted, poking about to see if there were any that gave more complete descriptions of the signs used. As such i went a little sideways onto another wiki page about (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sansukumi-ken) and realised that kitsune-ken is also called tōhachiken, which gave a BUNCH more info when i used that as my base search (stuff that's likely to prove useful to me later too lol, so thanks for kicking my search to find better visual refs XD).

See the main ref I found before was that one from the 18th century (first pic), with the other being 19th (2nd one), and neither made good visual refs - but finding the alternative name led to me finding this article which had really good info on the current playing of this game! So! that's all to say that the following is a direct quote from the website:

Another stroll to the Tanabata festival in the district of Taitô. Among the attractions, we liked the tehachiken stand, another kind of Japanese "jan ken, pon". There are three choices to confront each other: the fox (kitsune), the gun (teppô) and the village chief (shôya, in feudal Japan). (a) To make the fox, put both hands, fingers attached, above your head (or in front of you), simulating the fox's ears. (b) The rifle is made by pretending to hold a rifle with the left hand, in front, while the forefinger of the right hand presses on the trigger. (c) The position of the village chief is on its knees (seiza plus), both hands on the knees.

(link to article)

Lastly, here's a video of people playing tōhachiken:

Uh i know this is a LOT? But like, figured that since i found em all i might as well add them all in here! And well at the least you now have a LOT of refs to work with ahah! Also thanks for asking this! Found WAY more this time, and also thanks because poking into this more was a great distraction while i was stuck waiting about due to a delayed flight XD.

Really glad you're enjoying the story and I wish you luck with the drawing!

[jojosito]

2, 9, 17, 23, and 42 for izou and nagayoshi each < 3

Finally getting time to ramble about my idiots yay <3

2-. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on

For Izou it'd be the idea that he's naturally very observant. Like, if he can replicate sword techniques just by seeing them, then he has to be really good at picking up on the little details when something or someone catches his attention. He doesn't do it on purpose, but just by watching he'd start noticing stuff that most wouldn't.

Something canon that will haunt me forever is this line from his materials profile

Originally he’s unsophisticated with a chivalrous spirit and has a kind personality, but since he was used as others pleased and abandoned in the end he is twisted.

That kindness it's still there, no matter how much he tries to push people away, it'll always be a part of him 🥺

Now Naga.... I think a lot of the oddities of his personality are simply how he's learned to survive on his environment prior to being a servant. His reactions seem unreasonable a lot of the time, but if you see them through the lens of warlord born in a era where strength was the only way to earn respect, then you can see where he's coming from. The extremity to which he takes it feels kinda childish in a way, like if you asked a kid to come up with the baddest, most feared samurai they can think of. Considering how young he was when he took on a position of authority, I can see how violence and unrestraint became core parts of his personality. That's not all he is, though, I'm sure he soon realized that sometimes strength wont be enough to survive, and there's where the more nuance aspects of his character come from.

For something canon, this dialogue from the last scenes of gudaguda 5 in particular has stuck with me.

Well, you know, in your time, you can't just go around killing people for looking at you funny, right? I don't think I'd fit in. I'm too used to pulling out my spear soon as something pisses me off. Hell, even my allies were practically dancing in the streets when I finally kicked the bucket. So just go back home where you belong and don't worry about me.

He's just... Completely ready to let the chance of joining Chaldea go, because he thinks that's what'll be best for them. It's so sad that he believes himself more trouble than what it's worth :( also the fact that he would decide on that kind of thing without discussing it with Ritsuka first speaks a lot about his character. You can also see it on his valentine scene. When he thinks something it's the best for the people he cares for he would just decide on it by himself. It's equally endearing and troublesome, but he's also willing to be corrected if you tell him his assumptions are wrong.

9. Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character

The thing with my love for them it's that it was born out of things outside of the source material. I liked them superficially before, but only once a friend of mine said that they should be a ship it's when I started looking more into them. So yeah, there's wasn't a particular single scene that made me go "wow, I love them" but the sum of reading how they are in fgo and the historical figures they represent.

But I'll talk about two scenes I like instead cus they're cool (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)

This of Izou vs Taira no Kagekiyo fight. I love the visuals for his skill of replicating other's swordplay. He can be so scary in battle... Also love him not backing down even if he's going against people stronger than him. Hard not to fall in love with him <3

Naga's latest fight in Redline Just... The raw power he holds. He's like a fire. Powerful, unrelenting, terrifying. And yet, you can't help being drawn to the beauty of those savage flames. He burns violent and beautiful.

I love a maaaaaaaaaan.

17-. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them

This is my ultimate Izou song. Romantic implications of the lyrics aside, it perfectly describes his whole deal with Takechi and the tosa kinnoto. The beat its also very Izo.

I didn't had a Naga song in mind before this ask cus I find his vibe pretty specific and hard to replicate, but I went on to search, deciding that first of all it should be fun to listen to, like something you'd put on while driving fast with your frieds. After a while searching I remembered this one and... The lyrics fit him soo good it's eerie sjhhjshjsk. The ultimate Naga song, to me.

23. If they were a scented candle, what would they smell like?

I said it before, Izou's candle would be cigarettes, blood, sake and a hint of seaside under all that. Very stinky candle shjsjkhsjkhs

Naga's would of course smell like matcha tea, something metallic, either from blood or his armor, and uhhhh... Something warm. Like wooden floors that have been hit be the sunlight coming throught the window. I guess that's more a vibe than a smell shgshgshgj.

42. 3 comfort items

For Izou I guess cigarettes would be one, I can see him reaching for them whenever he's feeling anxious or wants to relax. There's also the pipe he pulls out with his fancy outfit. I think he would smoke it from time to time to chill by himself.

Speaking of outfits, he strikes me as the kind that would get himself a new one when he's feeling down. The "I deserve it" kind of deal sgjhsgjhs.

He doesn't mentions it in fgo I think, but historically his katana belonged to the Sakamoto clan before somehow ending up in his hands, so yeah, back in the day I can see him being really fond of it. As a servant it probably brings more pain than comfort tho.

Naga I think would definitely find comfort on his yari, it's an heirloom from the Mori clan, so I think he would feel connected to his dad and older brother throught it. I like to think the same applies to the white armor he wears in his third ascension. It's not said if it belonged to his father or if he got it made for himself, but yeah, I hc that it was passed down to him too.

I think he would love having a traveler's notebook to pull out whenever inspiration strikes him. I can see him all covered in blood after a fight, standing in the middle of the battlefield and writing a few lines or doodling a cool kanji with a brush pen.

Also, both of them would really treasure anything thst's been gifted to them 😌

Thanks for the ask! I enjoyed it a lot 💖

[gunnhldrs]

⚜ — a study in knightgirlisms; the jean gender (jeander) analysis.

                                nobody asked but i am answering anyway.

this is entirely a self indulgent word vomit, but for some context: i have been diseased about jean for a really really long time. of course throughout the years my interest in genshin has had its ups and downs, so in starting gnostic hymns and revisiting my oldest and dearest fav, a lot of old headcanons and thoughts are resurfacing.

since i now have an outlet to voice them: welcome to my completely disorganized ramble about jean gunnhildr being just a girl.

For what is literally the oldest clan in Mondstadt, the actual information we have on the Gunnhildr clan itself doesn't detail any more than two (2) of its leaders since earning its name.

The first, its namesake, Gunnhildr. The second? Jean.

We actually never have it specified why or how Jean has been chosen as its successor, just that her mother has raised her to be. Reasonably, one would assume that her mother had been its leader based on such, but then even that isn't outright stated. All you get to know about Frederica Gunnhildr is that she's a knight of the clan. Awesome. We literally don't even know what being leader of the Gunnhildr clan means in present times.

And you can't exactly correlate the status of successor to the (seemingly entirely separate) title of Dandelion/Lion Fang Knight that was given to Jean at age fifteen, as it has literally nothing to do with the Gunnhildrs at all and was also given to her after she would have been declared the clan's successor.

I would like to believe that the Gunnhildr clan's leaders have been predominantly female, but then again I couldn't really tell you. They have existed for three thousand years so only having two names doesn't prove much of anything.

The biggest takeaway, at least, is that Jean's entire life has been focused upon becoming a knight. From day one she has known that protecting Mondstadt would be her purpose, and has carried the weight of countless responsibilities and expectations. Regardless of the gender of those who she was surrounded by, Jean never really had a chance to care for much other than her future. Trivial things that would be considered traditionally feminine just didn't matter as much.

To top it off, we know Jean to have been childhood friends with Diluc (as well as Kaeya by association though I actually cannot recall if that relationship is every explicitly mentioned in canon) which I personally think would only aid in her disinterest in femininity. Who needs to care about dresses and makeup when you can chase your friend around with a stick or whatever.

So now you're thinking "Lina what the fuck does this have to do with right now" and that's a really fair question so here's the part of the essay that is actually the whole point of why we are here.

I think, to put it plainly, Jean's relationship with gender (specifically femininity) is complicated. It plays a very small role in the world as she views it. However I believe that the part of Jean that does perceive it wishes to be more in touch with it.

It's an absent kind of thing-- she didn't have the time for it as a child and she certainly doesn't have the time for it now-- but I believe it to be there in a couple of things. The most specific being her affinity for romance.

This is the part of the post where I look you in the face and tell you that Hoyoverse sucks and is wrong and I am about to entirely undermine a single sentence of their stupid fucking lore.

From Character story 5:

Master Jean has yet another secret. No matter how many times she has read the historical classics, despite her title of Dandelion Knight, and though she has become the Acting Grand Master whom everyone relies on... Jean still loves romance novels. This is not for the years as a young girl that she missed amid her training and duties, or due to the rift that formed in her parents' marriage. Jean simply yearns for the mutual attraction spoken of in such stories, for those emotions as subtle and fragile as spider-silk. As a knight, she must put Mondstadt and the Knights of Favonius first. But...

I'M SORRY?

Be so for real right now. What. Like. What. Huh. Wh.

So basically this entire post was to come down to this one line and tell you all in a very loud TED Talk sort of way that I don't know what the fuck Hoyo is trying to say by declaring neither of those things to have ANY relation to this interest, but that I disagree. I think it makes perfect sense for a woman who was denied girlhood to have wistful thoughts of romance like in the books. I feel it seems ridiculously out of place as a part of her character without that context, in fact.

Fuck this noise. Anyhow.

Her summer skin in game also has quite the flowery description, as follows:

The Acting Grand Master's life runs like the gears of a machine, driven by the great force of heavy responsibility, constantly being ground down by work. Over time, the armor of chivalry has become like Jean's second skin, the presentation of proper dress code and a formal image becoming ever more firmly forged into her nature. But in truth, Jean is no older than the ordinary young women around her. In the novels that these young ladies enjoy, gorgeous gowns are as quintessential as sun, moon, and starlight themselves, and some opulent noble scions do indeed sit pretty in dresses that sprawl out like palaces, their hem-lines and long skirts intertwined like the lapping waves of the sea. Perhaps Jean once had such romantic aspirations too. After all, who has never hankered after the blissful beauty of luxury?

Which I think, when tied in with the knowledge of her love for those novels, highlights an interest in more than just the relationships within them.

(Also this outfit having been a shared effort by just about every friend of hers within Mondstadt, I can't help but assume that the way she seems to covet the idea of being Just A Girl is something that those close to her have picked up on. Especially Barabara, Amber, and Lisa.)

So, at the end of it all, I offer you my silly little knight who (whether hoyo agrees or not) has some internalized self image things to work out that she never will because she's literally this tweet.

If you read all this thank you i owe you money for your time.

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Remembering my grandpa: the coolest guy I've ever met

so, like, still haven't processed what happened. that's honestly pretty typical for me, it's something I used to feel really guilty about (everybody around me would be crying, and I wouldn't actually feel those emotions for upwards of a year), and I've gotten better at addressing what's under the surface before it gets to the point of a breakdown. there are several reasons for why my biggest personal metaphor for grief is as follows

our love is a garden; this grief is a seed

mostly been keeping myself busy, just cleaned most of the kitchen in one go, probably going to clean my room later today. also been thinking a lot about how incredibly cool my grandpa was. he's genuinely one of the most rad people I've ever had the chance to meet, and I don't even know all of his stories!!! just gonna ramble about him for a bit

dropped out of high school (and later got his GED) because WW2 was happening and he enlisted (either lied about his age or was just barely old enough). got recognition for his marksmanship skills, and (forgive me for not knowing his official rank/title) even ended up being a sort of guard for a high ranking officer. I remember being told that when they had to drive somewhere, Gramps was the guy with a scoped rifle keeping an eye out for trouble, ready to counter ambushes or something like that.

(the point is that I haven't heard the details since I was a kid, but his rifle skills were incredible, especially considering his age at the time)

known for drinking Respect Women Juice and being a stand-up guy. I've read some of his memoirs (not published, but they might be at some point, I'll let y'all know), and he talks about how mad he was at my grandma's dad (his eventual father-in-law) because the FIL was soooo excited to have "man time" with Gramps, after already having treated Grandma like the son he would have preferred, and Gramps couldn't understand why FIL wasn't appreciating the incredible woman that Grandma was. seriously, Grandma was also a badass, an equally incredible sharpshooter who only quit competing (having reached the highest level for women in the US) because she realized in order to keep winning she'd have to actually put time and effort into getting better. also she was a great cook, apparently. had a real temper tho

Anyway, there's also some other stuff about his respect for women, but that involves a bit of family drama with other relatives that I don't want to get into online. The gist is that he went out of his way to make sure that several women in the family got treated fairly, especially when some people weren't properly appreciating the work of a stay-at-home mom.

He was an active scuba diver for many, many years, and several of his longest friends were met via the hobby. at one point, he even worked with several of them to buy a large amount of land on San Juan Island (of the San Juan Islands), where they divided it up and all built houses together. I have many memories of going to visit during the summer, and honestly it was really impressive what they built together. Grandpa also loved kayaking, and even dabbled in making kayaks!

Putting more under the break because I recognize this is lot

In order to get to San Juan Island, most people take a big ol ferry. during an incident that got a fair bit of coverage in the local newspapers, my Grandpa was taking the ferry when he realized someone in the distance was in trouble (small boat, might have gotten flipped or something, again don't remember all the details). Grandpa was quick to take action, got the attention of the ferry's crew, and was able to arrange a rescue. If he hadn't noticed the boat, chances are the person/people would have died.

Gramps was very active even up into his mid-to-late eighties (genuinely very fit and healthy until his kidneys started failing), and had some fun ventures as part of a historical group that went around the San Juan Islands finding old map markers/territory markers (god, I wish I remember the right word) and using modern tech to record their exact locations. It was like a scavenger hunt, almost, using old/outdated maps to find these things.

He was also an official boat inspector for Friday Harbor (the main part of San Juan Island) for several years, and was recognized for his hard work/the sheer number of inspections he did.

On top of all of this, my Grandpa was genuinely one of the warmest, funniest guys around. If someone asked me to think of an example of healthy romantic love, I would think about my Grandpa and my step-grandma. Then I'd think about my brother and his gf but that's a whole other thing. Grandpa was full of love, and had no qualms with showing it, using his musical talent for serenading her (he also joined in during the family gathering jam sessions). The way he looked at her will be forever engraved in my memory, full of love and full of life.

There are plenty more stories about Grandpa, some of which I just never heard, and some of which I have simply forgotten. I'm gonna miss him.

[jaynovz]

20 questions for fic writers!

tagged by @septemberskye 🥰

It took me so long to get round to this I think the whole pirate and sunder fam have already done it 🙈😔😭 ummm please take this as invitation to do it if you see it and want to 💜

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

48. Notably, 19 of those are podfic. 🎙️💪

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 

380,544 💪💪💪

3. What fandoms do you write for? 

Mostly Black Sails, but have also written for Cobra Kai, OFMD, and Sunder City/The Fetch Phillips Archives. Will probably write OPLA fic here sometime soon.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? 

1. some ancient call, 7k, OFMD. A creature rom com I wrote right after s1. Weird, funny, and sweet.

2. Strike Hard, 4k, Cobra Kai/Karate Kid. LawRusso do the classic fighting to fucking. Baby's first porn in like 6 years to that point. Also written right after s1.

3. in over our heads, 13k, Black Sails. The first fic I wrote for Silverflint, called Flogging Verse because the events play out after Silver is flogged post 2.1 for firing on the warship.

4. don't let me in with no intention to keep me, 7k, Black Sails, nicknamed Petplay. Silver and Flint discover some things about themselves mid s2. Still one of like, hmmm four total petplay fics in the fandom.

5. the sweetest devotion, hitting me like an explosion, 39k, Black Sails, nicknamed Cupcakes AU. A bakery-street performer romcom, the only time I've give the boys a no strings attached happy ending.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? 

Religiously, lol. And it's because I want to talk about my story! I spent a lot of time on it so I take any chance to ramble more with someone who did me the compliment of reading it.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Definitely hand in unlovable hand aka The Worst Ending. Second place is Hanahaki.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? 

Cupcakes AU 🧁 Generally speaking, if you're looking for unambiguously happy endings, you've come to the wrong place lol. However, if you want a fluff cheat sheet--besides Cupcakes, you can also check out the Soft Verse, Milkingfic, Bellyfic, and the Halloween Corn Maze fic.

8. Do you get hate on fics? 

 Thankfully no 💜

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? 

Lmao indeed. It's part of my Brand at this point. Love to use sex and kink as tools to dissect characters. Altered states my beloved.

What kind is a mix of if something tickles my brain/what the story needs, though you will most always find some amount of powerplay dynamics.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? 

Ummm, back in middle school I wrote some crossovers, but none recently.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 

Not that I am aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

Not yet!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 

Yep. Many of my early offerings to the Black Sails fandom were collabs.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Oh You Know... (It's Silverflint)

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The Black Sails post canon Fix It Fic that started it all. It's just very complex, which is why it was abandoned in the first place. And there are some other factors that just make it untouchable.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Overarching structure/plot beats, poetic language, characterization, conveying emotion, searing hot smut and kink.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Editing full stop. Historical/period accuracy type details. I have to do buckets of research for that kind of stuff. External pressures on the characters. I'm very very good at the zoomed in relationship view, but expanding/getting outside of their heads is not something I've done a lot.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? 

It's fine, as long as there's a story reason for it to be there.

19. First fandom you wrote for? 

InuYasha when I was about twelve years old. Those stories have since fallen into the void.

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

Break Up AU of course :)))) My baby, my masterpiece, my heart, soul, blood, sweat, and tears. I was definitely possessed the year it took to write it.

--

Thanks for tagging me <3

[linklethehistorian]

Total Eclipse (1995) — A Movie Review by linklethehistorian (Post 1/4)

Preamble

Oh boy. Where do I even begin with this one?

This movie had so, so much potential, and yet they just — 

Ugh, we’ll save that for later, though. I guess I should start out by saying how I even came across this movie, and, more importantly, why I want to review it so badly, when there are already plenty of other regular people and a fair handful of so-called cinema-specific critics out there who already dedicated their time to doing that exact thing long before me.

The short answer is: dude, take just a brief glance through the posts on my blog. I’m an extreme Arthur Rimbaud fan and aficionado; how could this turn of events be even remotely surprising nowadays?

And as for the long answer, well…you see, it all started with a little manga/light novel/anime series called Bungou Stray Dogs. If you don’t know what that’s about, the simple answer is that it’s a series which revolves around the concept of, “What if many of the famous authors of the world lived in the modern era and had supernatural powers named after their most famous works?” It was thanks to a particular novel in this series called Dazai, Chuuya, Fifteen Years Old (or Fifteen, for short) that I was introduced to and fell in love with that series’ version of Arthur Rimbaud, and when the anime adaptation utterly butchered that beloved story and most of all his incredible character, knowing that the author of this series tended to base his characters very heavily upon their in-real-life counterparts (and having already had a very vague knowledge of the poet on whom my favorite character was based), I set out to learn much, much more about said historical figure.

From there, I dare say my fate was pretty sealed; running into mention of this movie about Rimbaud was more than a little inevitable in my beginning surface level endeavors, and in the grand year of early 2019, the great YouTube gods were still…‘favorable’ enough towards mankind to make finding such less popular films fully intact on the platform a fairly common occurrence, for better or worse.

On that note, I suppose I ought to be quite grateful that, although I therefore got the chance to watch the movie more than five times over the course of several months, it did get permanently taken down from YouTube shortly thereafter, thus preventing me from ever having the chance to do back then exactly what I am doing now — as, if I had been able at such a time, I know I would have greatly regretted the poorly educated thoughts I would’ve expressed, in the long run.

You see, although I don’t want to get too much into the greater details this prematurely, I will just say as a general note that I have this very movie to thank for more misconceptions about Arthur Rimbaud and Paul Verlaine — both big and small — than I could attribute to anything else I have ever stumbled upon in these past four years of putting my all into researching them; I can only express continuous gratitude towards myself for the fact that I didn’t simply turn back in my endeavor then and there and call it a day, having been wrongly satisfied with this movie’s frankly horrid inability to present the truth and thus carrying its misinformation and mis-presentation with me for the rest of my life.

Ah, but I digress, you’ve heard more than enough of my generalized rambling and mini-ranting for the moment; let’s dive right into what all you readers have truly been waiting for — the main review.

From this point forward, I will be dividing my thoughts into three separate sections: the Good (in which I will discuss those elements that I greatly enjoyed), the Bad (in which I will discuss the elements that I did not enjoy), and the Takeaway (in which I will give my thoughts on the overall experience and the somewhat broader implications which it has) — each of which will have its subjects divided up by specific categories therein; this should make it easier to discuss all of its merits and downfalls in a more orderly fashion.

Since this post is likely too large for Tumblr to be done all at once, each major section will be made into a separate post, which I will link below.

[Click here for Part 1: The Good]

[Click here for Part 2: The Bad]

[Click here for Part 3: The Takeaway]

[teatimeatwinterpalace]

please welcome to my quite late and very unhinged account of my visit to the east wing of buckingham palace.

I visited my fair share of palaces, castles & others historical sites but Buckingham Palace has SUCH an imprint in our collectives minds that as soon as I saw the Grand Entrance, I could only think about all those iconic images. Standing there felt absolutely SURREAL.

I was saying to my friend "LoOK At ThE GRAvel. We are walking on THE gravel" lmao.

The tour of the east wing was a real treat. We were a small group which made the visit even more special. The first room was the Chinese Dining Room where Elizabeth did the BBC broadcast after Diana's passing. The room was still being renovated so it was intriguing to see what goes on during these big renovation projects.

Then, we were off to the Principal Corridor where the bedrooms of Victoria's daughters used to be and oh my, I could have cried. There were so many paintings that I dreamed of seeing such as the marriage of Alexandra & Bertie, Victoria with Bertie in his russian blouse... There were also so many Romanov's paintings : Alexander I, Catherine II, Elizabeth Alexeievna, Alexandra Feodorovna, the Grand Duchesses Maria and Olga. I even saw the portrait of Charlotte by Graefle after Winterhalter!!!! Btw I know it's just a corridor but I absolutely loved the atmosphere there.

The Yellow Drawing Room also deserves a special mention, it was sooo pretty.

The state portraits of Bertie and Alexandra are just outside the Centre Room along with the portraits of Fritz and Vicky. It is such a nice detail when you think F&V were the first royal couple to appear on the balcony on their wedding day. Look at them… 💕

And so, the pièce de résistance : the Centre Room. Another surreal moment, especially when the guide opened the double doors and revealed *the* view. A very much obstructed one thanks to the Victoria memorial but nonetheless astonishing considering how few people have ever seen this perspective. I felt very moved thinking about all of my favourite people who stood there at one point in history. & You can bet I stood right in front of the centre window, my nose almost brushing the curtain, soaking in the atmosphere for as long as I could haha. It was truly unreal. It felt like stepping into a living piece of history.

No pics were allowed but I sent this photo to my whole family "I was there" lmao.

The rest of the Palace tour with the States Rooms was nice, though it felt a bit crowded. Honourable mentions go to the Picture Gallery (I couldn't help but think of those iconic pics of Diana and Elizabeth after D&C wedding) & THE WHITE DRAWING ROOM sooo pretty with Alix portrait. On the other hand, the Ballroom was rather dreary… but I did get a chance to see Charles' red portrait, which was surprisingly nice irl.

Oh, and before I stop rambling, I'd like to file a complaint to the Palace. They've placed four gorgeous portraits of Vicky (the one by Winterhalter from 1857), Alice, Louise, and Helena in a small, poorly lit passageway right after the Picture Gallery. No one seems to notice them. I was like, DO yOU knoW WHO tHeSE PeoPLE ARE?

so yesterday i might i've bought a ticket for one of the buckingham palace east wing tours this summer ✨

[eponymousfics]

Just some personal anecdotal rambling while I take a break from cleaning about homesickness and writing:

(Under a cut bc it’s basically a personal essay lol)

I started writing Alola Again back in late 2021 (I think?) because the pandemic meant that my yearly visits back home had been on hold, and the yearning to go home was even stronger because of the general fear and anxiety of the whole situation.

I mean, it actually started because I decided to finally 100% my Alola ‘dex, since I’d sunk 1000+ hours into Animal Crossing: New Horizons at that point and needed a different game. Then Guzma suddenly hit a blorbo sweet spot in my head that had previously not existed (or had been entirely occupied by Nanu. I am a ‘cynical old man with a heart of gold he does his best to hide’ enjoyer).

I haven’t done a full reread of AA since fully uploading it, but I’ve gone back to some of the earlier chapters and listened back to a lot of my writing process voice memos, where I rambled to myself for collective hours trying to hash out plot details or pacing and character development etc.

I think looking back on it, I can safely say that fic would not have happened without the pandemic. That type of deep, concentrated homesickness that was the root and driving force behind its inception and execution was uniquely a result of quarantine isolation and the fact that I knew it wasn’t safe to travel home, and possibly wouldn’t be for a long time.

I already kind of knew this, because I wound up with the chance to go home in spring of 2022, when I had almost finished the fic but had a few more chapters left of the final draft to work out.

The INSTANT I was home, the tensed up spring of energy and need that had been pushing me along to make NaNoWriMo numbers every month for six months just…evaporated. And it was hard picking the fic back up again afterward. I couldn’t work on it much at all while I was home, which you’d think would be the opposite, since I could do ‘on location’ research, so to speak.

But AA is honestly so much more of the romanticized and idealized memory of my childhood and what I wish it could have been (much in the same way Alola itself is a very clean and idealized version of Hawaii, honestly almost pure tourist vision. Backed by real elements and actual research in places, yes, but also so carefully not mentioning/keeping out of frame the colonization and genocide of native culture while still presenting the polished version of the current state, which is entirely the result of those historical atrocities. Which, I can see why and how that happened, but I still have complicated mixed feelings over it and how much I enjoy the game despite that, and frankly in some ways because of it) that it became almost impossible to hold onto the dream that it was when sitting squarely in the middle of the reality it was based on.

As messy as things got because narratives need conflict, Mahina’s homecoming to Alola was everything I desperately wished my own could be. It’s simpler and easier because I have control over every element of it. All the emotional conflict happens on my terms because I’m the writer, I get to choose which emotional complications I want to examine and which I want to quietly pretend don’t exist.

And I get to see them all resolved, and have love and joy and humor thrown in to make it all palatable and worth it. It is baked with my baggage, it’s possibly more revealing than I should let anything put on the Internet be.

But I think a lot of fanfic is like that, and while there are a lotttt of technical flaws that I see now even just skimming over it in passing, the core of the story and the characters, the core of what it became, is still something I’m proud of.

And the fact that it’s finished, of course. Whatever else, it’s the first piece of long form writing that I’ve stuck to through multiple drafts to bring to completion. Is it perfect? No. Is it popular? No. Is it finished? Yes, and that’s important. For me, anyway.

Anyway, I’ve just had a lot of this on my mind because I’m home again, and slowly warming up to the idea of finally getting started on a sequel, which was always in the drafts but I needed space from it to even consider making a start. And because that deep down, bottom-of-the-soul homesickness is no longer gnawing at my every fiber. Whatever fuels the sequel, it won’t be that. I’ll have to attach a new anxiety onto it, I guess.

I think it did help me understand how to make these visits back home, though. Every time before had been fraught with tension between family members and an unnamed dissatisfaction because the reality of home couldn’t live up to the idealized yearning in my heart, but this trip…it’s been much easier.

I think the impromptu nature of it is helping. Originally, I wasn’t supposed to be here for three more weeks, but Circumstances(tm) dictated otherwise and I last-minute moved up my flight. Maybe I just didn’t have time to build up unrealistic expectations for it. Maybe I was just so depressed that the change of scenery has boosted me enough so I can just chill.

I don’t know what it is, probably a combination. But considering how I use fic as a big bandaid solution to not being able to afford therapy, well, I’ll probably wind up exploring it more in future writing. Whether that’ll be in the sequel to Alola Again or something else, we’ll see.

[avelera]

Hi! Given sanctuary anon back to rave about your fic in your own inbox. I just had a chance to catch up and!! 1) your scene with hob and Calliope was so good! I love the nuance it brings to the situation. It's actually one of my favorite things about your fics, in a lot of shorter fics side characters like Calliope end up as very one note "my wife left me" and that's it (and it makes sense if the fic isn't about her) but I love that you take the time to unfold them all so well? I see your posts sometimes that the little moments and conversations really ping up your word count but I'm really loving it. and the dialogue was so??? Like she reads as a godess! Everything she says sounds like it fits into the conversation but also like it came straight out of an epic spell (esp when she was urging hob to defy dream!) And 2) Jessamy!! I love this take on their relationship so much, (and then I remember ep 1 and fuck myself up) even if given sanctuary isn't meant to deal with that timeline, actually being reminded that Jessamy was important to dream, was someone he knew and trusted is so heartbreaking. It happens so early in the show before you really understand the full implications. And don't even get me started about dream at the grave or this ask will be twice as long as it already is (Also i just saw Ur post about the next chapter, Def looking forward as well)

I mean, as far as the Ask being twice as long, don't threaten me with a good time! LOL I have a personal rule that I can't really talk about parts of the story I haven't written yet, otherwise I won't write them, but I could talk about this story for hours (obviously, I write out the Behind the Scenes post to keep myself and others from going insane from how much I want to ramble about it).

As for Calliope, thank you! She was always planned to stop by, from the moment the Naxos arc was planned she was the natural climax of it. My undergrad thesis was on whether or not the Trojan War took place historically, so you could say I was predisposed to be a bit of a nerd about "Homer's Muse" (notwithstanding my own personal adoration of her) so it meant a lot to me to try to convey a goddess, the Muse of Epic Poetry who originated the story I built a good chunk of my academic career around.

As for Jessamy, like Calliope, she was almost a character I had to build myself since we see so little of her broader personality in canon? We get tidbits and hints but a lot had to be invented whole cloth. I will say, I wouldn't introduce Jessamy in such detail only to default back to canon. We will see much later how the events of "Giving Sanctuary" avert certain elements of canon, including Jessamy's death, but we'll get there when we get there. And we will be seeing her again :) But it really means a lot that she came across as someone important to him! That was the real goal, to show that affection.

Thank you!

[wolvenjay]

Hello um yes actually we do want to hear you info dump on the Davy Jones/Calypso scene in AWE pls

All righty, anon, let's finally talk about something that nobody else will likely care about! I’ll start with clearing up what we do know of their timeline real quick, cause it’s relevant. A good chunk comes scattered through the movie, and there’s also a retelling in the game adaptation (apparently.)

I lowkey forgot I had an inbox because this is so fucking old.

I’ll pepper in some interpretation and speculation here and there too.

So some time in the past (which can be debated because of historical inaccuracies and such, I like to think at least over a century despite ship details being wrong) Calypso and Jones meet, and eventually fall for each other.

Calypso gives the Dutchman to Jones, and the job to ferry lost souls. He agrees (and makes a promise that we know only vague context for) to step on land for one day after ten years of doing this job.

Fast forward ten years, Jones waits on his free day for Calypso, but she doesn’t appear to him. It is unfortunately her nature to be flighty. Also the game says he would no longer be the Dutchman’s captain if “the love was returned,” meaning if Calypso appeared, he wouldn’t be a cursed immortal. I’ll get back to that, sit down.

Jones, understandably pissed off (no matter the chance of freedom mentioned above) goes to the BC and tells 'em how to get back at Calypso.

She’s now in human form, and Jones is overcome with grief and regret at this point that he cuts out his heart and locks it on Isla Cruces, likely to keep it from his crew as well as far away from him.

He continues to be miserable, stops doing his job, and starts purposely killing people and generally being an ass. That is why he’s a mutated monster. He brought that upon himself.

Cool, we’re caught up, now I can ramble about one 3 minute 40 second clip for a niche couple that maybe ten other people out there care about to the same degree I do right now.

First thing is that music box, oh babey, that fockin music box. The matching lockets are such a nice little detail that’s mostly in the background. The first time you see either is in Tia Dalma’s shack, and they are sorta just a peculiar detail in the background. It’s only pointed out directly (iirc) four times, once in DMC when Will takes the key, when Jones holds it earlier in AWE, when she talks about him to Pintel and Ragetti, and here. (EDIT: Will takes notice of Calypso's earlier in AWE and makes the connection there) Seeing her obviously missing Jones is just a really tragic setup to the scene, and just think about how much she has thought about him since being imprisoned.

Then Jones being the dramatic ass he is comes with his own. I can easily picture his thought process as the scene starts and before he makes himself known. He's pissed about being abandoned, and he has just the right amount of drama in him to pull this absolute goofery. Just fuckin imagine him timing it while he’s standing in the shadows, and then comes out all spooky music box silhouette.

The absolute funniest screenshot in the trilogy:

Just the idea of anyone (even Calypso) calling Jones a pet name is just so damn funny to me. Ah yes, mass murderer octoman, my beloved.

Ah, and then Calypso’s slight moment of hope, and Jones's reaction to that. Can we just talk about his face when he says “You were expecting me?” It’s kinda hard to see cause he’s still in the shadows, but he sorta flinches and squints. He even looks sad for a moment. Keep in mind that it has been potentially centuries since they have directly interacted, so he is honestly surprised she even thinks of him at all, let alone kindly. For a moment, his frustration is eased by bewilderment, and it’s so subtle I love it.

Then Calypso says “It has been torture, trapped in this single form… cut off from all that I love, from you.” And I can immediately hear Jones think “Oh, you want to talk about torture and separation? I’ll tell you about torture and separation.”

“Ten years I devoted to the duty you charged me. Ten years I looked after those who died at sea. And finally, when we could be together again, you weren’t there. Why weren’t you there?” FUCK. Where to start? Ok, I’ll keep it short: The way he slowly walks up, JUST, that line read, damn, especially at “why weren’t you there” How he slams the locket shut before it can finish, Dude, you can tell he has wanted to say this for years. Calypso’s sudden change in expression too, and her glance away like ‘oh shit, yeah, you’re really MAD’ And no matter how the curse works, it's really devastating. Either he was always meant to be immortal and Calypso never came on what was basically a once a decade lunch break, or he had the opportunity to have the rest of his life free and Calypso still didn't come. You can choose what sounds more devastating.

The way Calypso shakes her head and admits she has no good or at least easy answer for him and his taken aback reaction like “BITCH WTF”

The way he looks away and says he doesn’t love her like he’s pouting. I’m sure he thought this would go down much differently, that he would kill her and be done with it, but instead he’s getting called out by his GF.

The way he turns and looks like a guilty puppy when she calls him out.

HUMAN DAVY HUMAN DAVY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

This scene breaks my heart a lot here just because of his reaction and some added context, speculated or canon. I used to think nothing of it, and still like to joke that he’s gasping because he can finally breathe properly, but it’s depressing when you think of it with a serious angle. It’s like all the weight is torn off him, like he actually has his heart again. He looks and sounds like he’s about to just collapse from the physical and emotional shock of being normal again. And his sigh when she holds him, fuck. This is the closest he’s been to freedom except for when he dies.

Also notice how he holds his left hand out, using his middle finger and thumb as if he’s forgotten how it felt to not have a claw for an arm. Just another sad but awesome detail that wasn’t necessary. Also can we appreciate the music here, please and thank you.

When Calypso lets go and he returns to being cursed, that urgency in his face when he grabs her in an attempt to kill her. Reminder that she doesn’t know he betrayed her, or at least isn’t confirming it to the audience. His face softens again when he lets her go. Honestly I do love how expressive Nighy is, not in just this scene.

Of course the comedic moment when he can’t pull his claw out of the cell. Jones’s plan really has gone completely wrong at this point.

His tough act while changing the topic to The Brethren Court is great. You can tell he’s changed his mind at this point about killing her, but is too stubborn to admit it… yet.

Calypso gettin MAD. Also when she says “-how cruel I can be.” Jones kinda smiles before sighing, like a little “yup, been there”

Then she asks him what he’ll do and with the softest tone, “My heart will always belong to you.” And Calypso’s face when he leaves, hnnnnn. I love this ocean goddess and her grumpy Scottish husband.

Anyway, thanks for letting me talk about something nobody cares about, with very little substantial commentary. Imma go shuffle through my WIPs now and see about posting some art, ok bye.

[ieattaperecorders]

“I’m rambling again aren’t I?” and “Is that okay with you?” for the jmart prompt please :)

Cannon compliant, 1.4k, set at the end of S4. Prompt from here.

---

Cash only, no IDs, change directions at least twice. That was what Basira advised, so they were taking a roundabout route - train to bus to train again, a walk to another station, and then a third train to the outskirts of a town near a village near an isolated cabin. Someplace to hide.

Each time they stopped Jon would grab maps and brochures to stuff in his pockets, studying them carefully during quiet moments. Something about being prepared to act as if they were headed to a different destination if anybody asked.

Nobody did ask, and in any case Jon would have probably looked weird and suspicious, throwing in needless details about whatever place they were meant to be visiting. But it was painfully endearing, the way he poured over them, concentrating like he was prepping for an exam. One hand holding the brochure, the other usually clasped over Martin's or pawing at the fabric of his sleeve.

At one point, Jon's hand absently came to rest on Martin's knee. He flinched -- surprised at the unfamiliar contact, at the intimacy. Then he covered Jon's hand with his own, keeping careful around the edge of the wide, angry scar Jude Perry had left.

It had been so long since anyone touched Jon gently. It had been so long since anyone touched Martin at all.

* * *

There'd been a quick, fearful trip to Martin's flat so he could pack a bag. Jon barely let go of him the entire time, as if scared that he might still disappear. (Maybe he was scared. Maybe he was right to be.) He frowned when, after only a few minutes, Martin zipped up a small bag of clothes and toiletries and said that he was ready.

"You . . . may want to look around a bit," he said softly. "See if there's anything else you want to take. We might not be able to come back here."

"Thought the idea was to get in and out quickly. And shouldn't we be traveling light?"

"We can spare another minute. Besides . . . ." he bit his lip. "You might want to keep a few things. Even if they don't seem important. You may end up missing them if you lose this place."

Martin glanced around. The truth was he'd been living sparsely for a while. Bit by bit, he'd boxed up and donated most of his personal things over the last several months. It had just felt right.

(Jon's flat was long gone. He only had the small satchel he'd been carrying, and a plastic bag of thrift store clothes that Basira had gotten for him.)

He ended up grabbing a few books, a notebook he hadn't written in for a while, a couple of cheap pens, and a scarf that he'd always liked. The small carved box his grandfather had given him ages ago went in the bag too -- he'd never found anything to put in it, but he'd kept it all these years and it still smelled pleasantly like cedar.

Despite Jon's insistence they could spare another minute, he spent the entire time Martin packed bouncing restlessly on his heels, his gaze flicking back and forth between the windows.

"God, it's cold in here," he whispered.

". . . Is it?"

"Yes. Colder than outside . . . noticeably so," Jon looked at him sadly. "You can't feel it?"

Martin shook his head. He hadn't noticed.

"Suppose I'm used to it," he said.

Gravely, Jon nodded. He took Martin's hand and squeezed. Martin held back for a moment, then pointed out it was hard to pack with one hand, and Jon awkwardly let go. Another minute and they were done.

As they made for the door, Martin noticed Jon shivering and thought Basira ought to have gotten him a heavier coat.

"Hold on."

He made a detour to the closet, grabbed one of his thicker jackets and held it out. It would swim on Jon, but at least it was something.

"Dunno if it works on supernatural cold spots, but it'll be cold in Scotland too," he explained. "You'll want more than a windbreaker."

Jon stared at him for a moment, then swallowed heavily and nodded. As he put it on, folding the sleeves back so his hands would fit out, Martin noticed him wiping at his eyes.

Was he tearing up? Why? It was only a jacket, one Martin was probably going to lose anyway.

Jon held his hand all the way to the train station.

* * *

They didn't talk about the Lonely on the train. They didn't talk about any of it there, not the Institute, the entities, the attack. It was all too risky if they were overheard.

Instead, Jon talked about the places they weren't going, the things he read about as they went. Describing historical points of interest or natural features, sometimes adding a jarringly morbid fact that Martin was sure he hadn't gotten from the brochures. He suspected part of it was an attempt to engage him, as Martin found himself going long stretches saying next to nothing.

It was nice, though, listening to him chatter on as if they were out on holiday. Sitting there with the landscape going by, the rumble of the train around them and Jon talking about some landmark or another, Martin could pretend they were just out seeing the sights. Traveling on their own time, without a care in the world.

As it got late into the night, he realized the train car they were in was empty. It was the last one that ran, and there hadn't been many on it to begin with, so it wasn't much of a surprise. But with no one else there, they had a chance to speak more freely.

"Jon?" Martin nudged him, interrupting his description of a stone burial site a few miles down the line.

"Hmm?" Jon started, smiling sheepishly. "Sorry. I'm rambling, aren't I?"

"It's not that. Was just thinking . . . I know the plan is to keep moving, but we'll have to wait for the morning train anyway. Wouldn't make a difference if we got a cheap hotel room or something tonight, would it?"

"Oh . . . no, I don't think it would," he shuffled through some papers in his lap, peering at the train schedule. "Actually, in that case we may want to take the next stop, rather than going to the end of the line. There's a motel near the station that could be perfect. It's cash only, and the only security camera is over the safe."

"Did you See that?"

"Not deliberately. There's just, ah . . . " he winced, "been a lot of really gruesome murders there."

"Ah. Right." Martin raised an eyebrow. "Are we going to get gruesomely murdered if we stay there?"

"Well it's not a service they provide."

"But we do have murderers after us."

"True . . . and I don't think this place would be much protection if they caught up. But the same could be said about a bench outside the train station," Jon shrugged. "And I don't believe it's supernatural, just a bit shady. Which is probably what we want at the moment."

Martin nodded. Then, with a smirk, asked "does it have a pool?"

"Yes. And so many people have drowned in it."

". . . Hmm."

Jon's deadpan look broke into a smile. "I've no idea if there's a pool. Probably not."

"Pfff," Martin reached an arm out over his shoulders, and Jon leaned into the embrace, smiling. "The Beholding didn't think to list amenities, then? Not even an evil laundry service or, like, a continental breakfast that eats you?"

"Thankfully not."

"Good enough for me, then."

He felt Jon chuckle against him and leaned back, yawning loudly, thinking about how nice it would be to lie down in a bed. Jon shifted a little and sighed, looking at him with a smile.

"I love you," he said. Soft and warm, as if he'd said it a thousand times before. As if it was natural and obvious and easy.

Martin must have gone noticeably tense, or maybe his expression changed, because Jon's eyes widened and he looked down, fidgeting. Worried he'd made a mistake.

"Is that, ah . . . okay with you?" he added weakly.

Almost dizzy with it all, Martin let out a breath that turned into an unsteady laugh. He felt tears pricking at his eyes, and he squeezed Jon tighter.

"Y-yeah," he whispered, "yeah Jon. S'good."

[stardustloki]

Love + 3, 4, 5, and/or 11 for the fic asks if you like!!

Ahhhhh thank you so much for this ask and also for the two comments, seriously you have absolutely made my day so thanks so much!! <3

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

5: What part was hardest to write?

11: What do you like best about this fic?

Gonna do the questions in the wrong order because I am sleep deprived and want to ramble! Apologies, you probably weren't expecting a ramble but oh dear am I currently revelling in the opportunity to explain my thought processes!

11 - Honestly, this is really hard, because there is so, so much I like about this fic. I seriously hope this doesn't come across as like egotistical or something because it isn't meant to, but basically as I wrote this 3.5 years ago it sort of doesn't feel like my writing, it feels like reading a fic that someone else wrote. So, instead of reading through it going 'well, this is probably crap, I hope people like it!' I could read it and go 'I like that, I like that, I like that...!' Probably, what I like best about it was that it touched upon a subject that I hadn't seen written about by anyone else. The fact that River and some of the Doctor's companions hit the Doctor and narratively it is presented as being okay - like wtf that is abuse and it is being shown on the TV and even been presented as comedic or necessary, like it's something the Doctor needs.

This brings me to question 4 - and actually, this bit wasn't my favourite part of dialogue when I read it this time, and I had remembered it slightly wrong, and this line wasn't as good as one one in my memories (maybe I should edit the fic?) but the line I always think about whenever I think about writing this fic is the Doctor rationalising things, realising that she's rambling (and obviously that's 'bad', and it's therefore excusable or even right that River etc. should slap her): '"...I ramble on about things and no one gets what I'm saying, I need to be snapped out of my own head sometimes, I think. And, well, it does work, it stops me doing this. I…" The Doctor trailed off, looking nervously at Yaz.'

3 - this bit was really difficult, it's small details I really like, like the doctor shoving a custard cream into her mouth, scrunching up her nose, details that make me think, yes this is happening to the characters! For a sentence that makes sense without dialogue attached to it though I would go with: 'Yaz walked through the archway to the library, preparing to return the seventy-fourth edition of The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (complete with historical introduction and interactive holograms) when she found herself suddenly assaulted by a "Yaz!", a blur of blonde hair and arms hugging tightly around her neck' - I just like the detail about the book and also vwoom! armful of Doctor!

5 - I put A Lot of effort into the characterisation. Like, I needed this to feel real and reading it now I think with all the bits of dialogue and descriptions I actually really think I pulled this off! I couldn't just write a rant about how furious I was with how the Doctor had been treated, I put so much effort into making it feel real and not OOC, as well as self-indulgent (and angry.)

Anyway, thank you so much for this, I have very much enjoyed the chance to ramble about this, and to feel proud about my writing for once too lmao.

(If anyone else is reading this and is interested, you can find 'Love' at https://archiveofourown.org/works/16705030/chapters/39178753 )

[qqueenofhades]

If/when they make a Joe/Nicky prequel movie, what are some of the Dos and Don’ts for them, with regards to historical accuracy. Like, what do you think they should include, and what do you think they should avoid?

Oof. This is a GREAT question, and also designed to give me a chance to ramble on in a deeply, deeply self-indulgent fashion. That is now what will proceed to happen. Consider yourself warned. So if they were miraculously to be like “well that qqueenofhades person on tumblr seems like she knows what she’s talking about, let’s hire her to consult on this production!”, here are some of the things I would tell them.

First off, a question I have in fact asked my students when teaching the crusades in class is whether you could actually show the sack of Jerusalem on screen. Like... if you’re making a film about the First Crusade, what kind of choices are you going to make? What narrative viewpoint are you going to uphold throughout the story? Are you actually going to show a slaughter of Muslim and Jewish inhabitants that some chroniclers described as causing enough blood to reach up to the knees of horses? (Whether it actually did this is beside the point; the point is that the sack went far beyond the accepted conventions of warfare and struck everybody involved in it as particularly horrific.) Because when you’re making a film about the crusades, you are also making it by nature for a modern audience that has particular understandings of Christian/Muslim conflict, religious warfare and/or tolerance, the War on Terror, the modern clash over ISIS, Trump’s Muslim ban, and so forth. The list goes on and on. So you’re never making a straight, unbiased historical adaptation, even if you’re going off the text of primary sources. You’re still constructing it and presenting it in a deliberate and curated fashion, and you can bet that whichever way you come down, your audience will pick up on that.

Let’s take the most recent example of a high-profile crusades film: Kingdom of Heaven from 2005. I’ve written a book chapter on how the narrative choices of KoH, aside from its extensive fictionalization of its subject matter to start with, make it crystal clear that it is a film made by a well-meaning Western liberal filmmaker (Ridley Scott) four years after 9/11 and two years after the invasion of Iraq, when the sympathy from 9/11 was wearing off and everyone saw America/Great Britain and the Bush/Blair coalition overreaching itself in yet another arrogant imperial adventure into the Middle East. Depending on how old you are, you may or may not remember the fact that Bush explicitly called the War on Terror a “crusade” at the start, and then was quickly forced to walk it back once it alarmed his European allies (yes, back then, as bad as America was, it still did have those) with its intellectual baggage. They KNEW exactly what images and tropes they were invoking. It is also partly why medieval crusade studies EXPLODED in popularity after 9/11. Everyone recognized that these two things had something to do with each other, or they made the connection somehow. So anyone watching KoH in 2005 wasn’t really watching a crusades film (it is set in the late 1180s and dramatizes the surrender of Jerusalem to Saladin) so much as a fictional film about the crusades made for an audience explicitly IN 2005. I have TONS to say on this subject (indeed, if you want a copy of my book chapter, DM me and I’ll be happy to send it.)

Ridley Scott basically sets it up as the Christian and Muslim secular leaders themselves aren’t evil, it’s all the religious fanatics (who are all made Templars, including Guy de Lusignan, going back to the “evil Templar” trope started by Sir Walter Scott and which we are all so very familiar with from Dan Brown and company). Orlando Bloom’s character shares a name (Balian de Ibelin) but very little else with the eponymous real-life crusader baron. One thing Scott did do very well was casting an actual and well-respected Syrian actor (Ghassan Massoud) to play Saladin and depicting him in essential fidelity to the historical figure’s reputed traits of justice, fairness, and mercy (there’s some article by a journalist who watched the film in Beirut with a Muslim audience and they LOVED the KoH Saladin). I do give him props for this, rather than making the Evil Muslim into the stock antagonist. However, Orlando Bloom’s Balian is redeemed from the religious extremist violence of the Templars (shorthand for all genuinely religious crusaders) by essentially being an atheistic/agnostic secular humanist who wants everyone to get along. As I said, this is a film about the invasion of Afghanistan and Iraq made three years after 9/11 more than anything else, and you can really see that.

That said, enough about KoH, back to this presumable Joe/Nicky backstory. You would obviously run into the fact that it’s SUPER difficult to make a film about the crusades without offending SOMEBODY. The urge to paint in broad strokes and make it all about the evil Westerners invading is one route, but it would weaken the moral complexity of the story and would probably make it come off as pandering to guilty white liberal consciences. Are we gonna touch on the many decades of proto-crusading ventures in Iberia, Sicily, North Africa, and other places, and how the eleventh century, especially under Pope Gregory VII, made it even thinkable for a Christian to be a holy warrior in the first place? (It was NOT normal beforehand.) How are we going to avoid the “lololol all religion sucks and makes people do crazy things” axe to grind favoured by So Very Smart (tm) internet atheists? Yes, we have to demonstrate the ultimate horror of the crusade and the flawed premises it was based on, but we can’t do that by just showing the dirty, religiously zealot medieval people doing that because they don’t know any better and are being cynically manipulated in God’s Name. In other words (and the original TOG film did this very well) we can’t position ourselves to laugh at or mock the crusader characters or feel confident in looking down on them for being Dumb Zealots. They have to be relatable enough that we realize we could BE (and in fact already ARE) them, and THEN you slide into the horror and what compels them to do those kinds of things, and THAT’S when it hits. Because take a look at the news. This is happening around us right now.

Obviously, as I was doing in my First Crusade chapter in DVLA, a lot of this also has to spend time centering the Muslim point of view, the way they reacted to the crusade, the ways in which Yusuf as an Isma’ili Shia Muslim (Kaysani is the name of a branch of Isma’ili Shi’ites, he has a definite historical context and family lineage, and hence is almost surely, as I wrote him, a Fatimid from Egypt) is likewise not just A Stock Muslim. In this case, obviously: Get actual Muslims on the set to advise about the details. Don’t make stupid and/or obvious mistakes. Don’t necessarily make the Muslims less faithful or less virtuous than the Christians (even if this is supposed to praise them as being “less fanatic” than those bad religious Catholics). Don’t tokenize or trivialize their reaction to something as horrific as the sack of Jerusalem, and don’t just use dead brown bodies as graphic visual porn for cheap emotional points. Likewise, it goes without saying, and I don’t think they would anyway, but OH MY GOD DON’T MAKE THIS INTO GAME OF THRONES GRIMDARK!!!! OH MY GOD!!! THERE IS BEAUTY AND THERE IS LIGHT AND THERE IS POETRY AND THAT’S WHY IT HURTS SO MUCH WHEN IT’S DESTROYED! AND THE CHOICES THAT PEOPLE MAKE TO DESTROY THOSE THINGS HAVE TO BE TERRIFYINGLY PLAUSIBLE AND FAMILIAR, BECAUSE OH MY GOD!!

Next, re: Nicolo. Evidently he is a priest or a former priest or something of the sort in the graphic novel, which becomes a bit of a problem if we want him to actually FIGHT in the crusades for important and/or shallow and/or OTP purposes. (I don’t know if they address this somehow or Greg Rucka is not a medieval historian or whatever, but never mind.) It was a Major Thing that priests could not carry weapons, at least and especially bladed weapons. (In the Bayeux Tapestry, we have Odo, the bishop of Bayeux, fighting at the battle of Hastings with a truncheon because he’s a clergyman and can’t have a sword). They were super not supposed to shed blood, and a broadsword (such as the type that Nicky has and carries and is clearly very familiar with) is a knight’s weapon, not a clergyman’s. The thing about priests was that they were not supposed to get their hands dirty with physical warfare; they could (and often did) accompany crusade armies, bishops were secular overlords and important landholders, monks and hermits and other religious preachers were obviously part of a religious expedition, and yes, occasionally some priests would break the rules and fight in battle. But this was an exception FAR more than the rule. So if we’re going by accuracy, we have Nicky as a priest who doesn’t actively fight and doesn’t have a sword, we have him as a rule-breaking priest with a sword (which would have to be addressed, and the Templars, who were basically armed monks, weren’t founded until 1119 so he can’t be one of those yet if this is still 1099) or we just skip the priest part and have him as a crusader with a sword like any other soldier. If he was in fact a priest, he also wouldn’t be up to the same standard of sending into battle. Boys, especially younger sons of the nobility, often entered the church at relatively early ages (12 or 13), where it was treated as a career, and hence they stopped training in arms. So if Nicky is actually out there fighting and/or getting killed by Yusuf several times for Important Purposes, he’s... almost surely not a priest.

Iirc, they’ve already changed a few things from the graphic novel (I haven’t read it, but this is what I’ve heard) so they can also tweak things to make a new backstory or a hybrid-new backstory in film-verse. So once we’ve done all the above, we still have to decide how to handle the actual sack of Jerusalem and massacre of its inhabitants, the balance between violence comparable to the original TOG film and stopping short of being exploitative (which I think they would do well), and the aftermath of that and the founding of the new Latin Christian kingdom. It would have to, as again the original film does very well, avoid prioritizing the usual players and viewpoints in these events, and dig into presenting the experiences of the marginalized and way in which ordinary people are brought to the point of doing these things. It doesn’t (and frankly shouldn’t) preach at us that U.S. Invasions Of The Middle East Are Bad (especially since obviously none of the characters/people/places/events here are American at all). And as I said already but bears repeating: my god, don’t even THINK about making it GOT and marketing it as Gritty Dramatic Medieval History, You Know It’s Real Because They’re Dirty, Violent, and Bigoted!

Also, a couple tags I saw pop up were things like “Period-Typical Racism” and “Period-Typical Homophobia” and mmm okay obviously yes there are these elements, but what exactly is “period typical?” Does it mean “using these terms just because you figure everyone was less tolerant back then?” We know that I, with my endless pages of meta on medieval queer history, would definitely side-eye any attempts to paint these things as Worse Than Us, and the setting alone would convey a sense of the conflict without having to add on gratuitous microaggressions. I basically think the film needs to be made exactly like the original: centering the gay/queer perspectives of marginalized people and people of color, resisting the urge for crass jokes at the expense of the identity of its characters, and approaching it with an awareness of the deep complexity and personal meaning of these things to people in terms of the historical moment we’re in, while not making a film that ONLY prizes our response and our current crises. Because if we’re thinking about these historical genealogies, the least we can do (although we so often aren’t) is to be honest.

Thanks! I LOVED this question.

[a-little-slice-of-fandom]

In response to the Jane ask, I totally agree! Her song, as vague as it might be in the newer versions, is very much about emotional abuse and her realizing/reflecting on it. In the other versions this is arguably even clearer! Besides the list in the first verse, there’s a line in the student run version that always get me, in the second verse after “with out my son your love will disappear”. Usually in the lastest version it’s “I know it isn't fair, but I don't care”, which can be a sign of even tho she knows that he has hurt her at this point, her love will still be there for her son. But the student run it’s something like “you’ll let us fall apart, try to break my heart” which I think is much more powerful in showing more of her self awareness at what would happen to her. Also that opening monologue before about if she was really loved or just checked all the boxes on a list before she could make him angry, she knew that he would be willing to destroy her if she didn’t do as he wanted (Cause Anne wasn’t some death that would never happen again and that only happened cause Jane was there, he was to said to have threaten Jane with the same fate cause of the pilgrimage of grace incident (also well it did happened gain two queens later). Also just a slight unrelated thing, I can sorta understand why people blame Jane for Anne’s death but also not really. It was a whole campaign against Anne, and we only know that Jane was yeah trying to be queen due to influence from her family and others trying make sure she was but I don’t think it’s her fault Henry (and others) decided the best course of action would be to kill Anne. Though I am not a big Tudor researcher, this is only from multiple weeks and hours of searching and learning cause of curiosity and someone could fact check me but that’s what i interpreted the history as. Random rant over) Also the fact (and I’m pretty sure this is true in the newest version), she says “loved” most of the time. The past tense is important there, cause yeah maybe she did truly think she “loved” him. And he may have been the only one she ever “loved” but that cause she probably didn’t get a chance to love someone else (when Henry says it’s you, it’s you after all). This is just speculation though, I can’t assume what a 500 year old historical figure was truly feeling but a character in a show is different and ready for analysis. For that I say that maybe she did “love” him but it easily could have been out of fear or wanting to just deal with the cards dealt to her. But at the end she realizes where she wants her love to be directed towards, and that’s her son and in “Six” her new found family.

And fun fact about her part in “Six” (I kinda learned from something on tumblr but can’t remember who but either way here it is.) it’s 200% about the queens as her family, with her pun at the end being the main signifier of this. “You could perhaps call us the Tudor Von Trapps” is a reference to the Trapp Family Singers, an Austrian singing family (if you see the wiki for them, they are apparently the inspiration for sound of music, Neat!). So from that you would think “oh she’s talking about Henry and her kids with him having a band” but then she says “Just kidding! We’re called the Royalling Stones!”. A Rolling Stones references and they were made by friends forming a band, so that can be associated that the queens are said friends in this case but also part of family that has grown! Also Rolling Stones have a song called heart of stone, seriously this is the most clever joke Jane had during the show and it makes me, a pun/joke lover, very happy to see this be such a character trait that it’s in the damn description for her character for an auditioning sheet (check out Citadle Theather and Six the Musical in google, i think you’ll find it.)

Anyway sorry about this long ramble, it’s just that even though I totally can see how people view Jane as “weaker” in terms of some writing choices made, I still think there’s a lot to talk about with not just her current incarnation but also the other ones as well. I wish some changes werent made to her song, but she is a still strong character about the effects of emotional abuse and maternity. There’s nothing bad about talking about those things, your right that it doesn’t make her any less feminist. Anyway ramble over and I hope you have a lovely day :)

Hello hun!

Please don’t apologise for rambling! I’m always so interested in hearing other opinions on the queens and I love the opportunity to discuss any queen at any time! Frankly, I’m just impressed you got the whole essay into one message! Have they gotten rid of the character limit? Sorry, not relevant to the question.

(Also sorry for how long this took to answer! Uni happened sort of happened and I didn’t want to half ass my response to such a well thought out ask)

I adore the older versions of Heart of Stone, especially the student run version! I completely agree that Seymour feels so much more aware of her place in Henry’s life in the older versions. In the older version she knows she wasn’t Henry’s true love (even though she loved him) and she knows her worth is completely dependent on her ability to give Henry a son. She literally says “nothing lasts forever, I’ll fade away”. That is such a powerful statement and I wish that line was still in the song! I still think these themes are in the new version, but they’re nowhere near as explicit. Plus the character development in the student run feels much more explicit, with Seymour saying “soon I’ll have to go, I’ll never see you grow” instead of “him grow” in the new versions. She’s clearly speaking to Edward in the older version, so the last half of HOS in the old versions (at least in my eyes) is actually directly speaking to Edward and not Henry as many people think. I still think this is true for the new versions, illustrating Seymour’s character development as she breaks away from Henry and rather concentrates on her son, but again I don’t think it’s obvious in the new version. The older version just felt so much more powerful and I think it presented Seymour as much more as a victim than the newer version...which I argue is true! Seymour was as much of a victim as any other character in the show and I think she deserves more sympathy than the show gives her, and for as much as I love the newer versions of six, you can’t deny that Seymour is reduced to a joke for half of the show. The student version is such a genuine and earnest version of Seymour, and I can’t help but love her. It’s definitely a testament to the actresses from the student run that their characters are still on parr with professional versions of the show!

(Im so sorry I don’t feel like I’m adding anything to your analysis, but you’ve really summed up my feelings perfectly! )

Weirdly, I think that the student run and studio run play with the idea of having a “heart of stone” better than the modern version. I love the contrast between the material things that Henry can buy versus the natural world. Material things can fade, but the natural world (and Seymour’s love) transcends that. It’s a really nice use of juxtapostion in that song and I just don’t feel like the newer versions play with those images as much as the older version.

I do sort of get why they changed it (I think Seymour spends upwards of 10 just listing different objects, which is powerful in its own way but I do think audience members could get bored of those verses) but I wished they had still somehow managed to keep the theme that Seymour as explicit. I still think it’s there in the newer version of the song, but I don’t think it’s anywhere near as obvious as the older version. It would make HOS more like AYWD in a way, and that would be brilliant. Six shouldn’t be afraid to tackle different forms of abuse.

I personally can’t comment on the whole Anne Boleyn vs Jane Seymour thing because I just don’t know enough about the situation. However I don’t think any of the wives should be burdened with the blame of what happened to their predecessors. It wasn’t their fault.

Also I’d never thought of the tudor von trapps vs the royalling stones indicating that it was a found family rather than a blood family, but it’s actually such a neat little detail and I think it makes complete sense! I have always maintained that Seymour’s “family” doesn’t have to be related by blood. Found family is just as meanigful and as important as a bloof family, and Seymour finding her place with the other queens and calling them her family rather than Henry is very powerful in my opinion. I just don’t think the “my family’s grown” lime has to be as literal as people take it. Thanks for bringing that line to my attention though!

Seymour isn’t a “weak” character, both in term of the writing and in terms of character development. As much as I love the older versions of Seymour, I still like the new versions and appreciate that Toby and Lucy decided to allow Seymour to be a motherly character and have that be treated as an equally empowering thing as the other queens. Some women want to be mothers and that’s okay!

Anyway thank you so much for this ask my love! I really enjoyed thinking about Seymour (since she’s not a character I talk about a lot). Sorry again for taking so long to respond ❤️❤️❤️

[hahanoiwont]

@bluerose2017 replied to this post: Omg thank you so much for responding to my thoughts. I have three questions for you. 1. How many universes are you thinking of writing in And Whither than? 2. Once all the sanses and Papyruses come together, are they gonna argue with each other on who gets Frisk? 3. Do the sanses and Papyruses ever get jealous of Frisk’s brotherly relationship with each other?

!! hi! I am so glad to hear all thoughts about my writing, thank you for dropping by to talk to me! And these are excellent questions :D

So, in order (and under a cut because I have a tendency to ramble):

1. How many universes are you thinking of writing in And Whither than?

Initially, WT was meant to skim over hundreds, possibly thousands of universes. Frisk gives up entirely on the concept of staying in one universe, and clings to their drive to free their friends and family in each universe--there's one more world where everyone is happy, and that has to be enough. But then I remembered some writing advice I got a while back about how you almost never need a hundred of something if you show a few of it really well. And I realized that Frisk can reach the same mentality I was going for while being a lot easier to understand if we only went through a few universes, zooming in on the initial adjustment to being misplaced in the multiverse. It's more fun if they're not an expert! It's a lot easier to like someone who we've seen adjusting and learning than someone who skims into old hat really quickly, narratively speaking. So, I did some massive readjustments.

Now, Frisk is going to go to a total of (spoilers!!!) seven universes, including Underfell. So far we've seen Underfell, Underswap, Dancetale, Frisktale, and Swapfell; that leaves two unexplored. (/end spoilers). I decided which universes to put in basically through requests early on (Dancetale wasn't requested but I missed dancing lol); now that the arc of the story is decided, I can only explore other potential AUs through spinoffs like Fall Into Grace. So: finite number of universes. We've stopped in Swapfell for a while, but we're making good progress.

2. Once all the sanses and Papyruses come together, are they gonna argue with each other on who gets Frisk?

This one's a bit more complicated--yes and no! On their own, they'll each come to a conclusion--Cozy/Stretch has decided it would be best if Frisk came to Underswap first and negotiations can start from there, while Blue is under the impression that they'll all be talking it out once Frisk is found, and Red has his own plans, etc. No one is arguing, but no one quite agrees, either. But at the end of the arc that brings everyone together, there will be some other complicating details--not to mention that Frisk has already been traveling for a long time for a preteen with no consistent home, and they have their own opinions about being kept. After all, it's people arguing about whether and where to keep them that started this disaster, and historically people wanting to keep them has not always been a good thing (see: every Toriel and swap!Asgore). Swapfell is actually the only universe that's gotten them to stay in the skelebros' home again, and that will have its own complications. Frisk is already a difficult person to contain, "keeping" may not be as easy as some would hope.

3. Do the sanses and Papyruses ever get jealous of Frisk’s brotherly relationship with each other?

:D I can tell you Red's not exactly pleased. One can argue that he signed himself up for heartbreak by kicking them out of his universe, though. You know who didn't give them up? Fell. Prepare for some spoilers ahead (nothing concrete, but a lot of the fuzzy "someday" stuff)

I have a scene very vividly in my mind for when they meet up again--we'll see how it actually works out in context, but it's been part of the plan almost from the start. Fell tragically lost his younger sibling when they were 12 years and 6 weeks old, having met them when they were 11. Already in WT canon, quite a bit of time has passed; even more for Frisk than for anyone else. They're getting older, learning, changing, growing. They're making new friends he's never met and having new experiences he can't imagine.

By the time he catches up to them, part of their life has passed without him, and he can't get it back. He risked everything to take them in and raise them, and that chance was stolen from him by the person he loves most in the world. Fell's very first thought after meeting them again is: You've grown up. You don't need me anymore. Because that's the tragedy of his part of the story: he went above and beyond in every situation, he improved himself beyond his wildest imaginings to live up to their faith in him, and he still loved and lost a sibling. So one day he'll have to face this fear--they've met other, braver, gentler, kinder, better versions of him. Now that they have a family that spans the multiverse, now that he isn't the best choice in a bad situation, what could they possibly need him for? What use is there in keeping him around if they don't need him anymore?

And Frisk's thought in return is, But I still want you. Wanting is just as good as needing, but I do it by choice. They never loved him because he was better than nothing; they loved him because they knew he was worth loving. He loved them and protected them when they were too young to look after themself. He was the Papyrus by which all others were measured. Of course they love their other siblings very deeply and very much, but that doesn't mean they would ever leave him for a version of him with a less explosive temper, or who's better at feelings. They love each of their brothers as their own people, who they got to know because of their similarities but came to love for their differences, too.

That's how a lot of the interpersonal conflict is going to be resolved eventually. A lot of patience, a lot of compromise, a lot of understanding. And, hey, it turns out it's a lot harder to resent someone for stealing your sibling once you crash on their couch a few times--there are going to be sleepovers all over the multiverse, and the various skeletons will get to know each other, too. After a while, each of these previously lonely people will turn around and realize that it's not just a shared custody situation, it's that their family has gotten a lot bigger. It starts with Frisk, but it ends with everyone knowing Slim is a great listener and Shy is actually terrible at DDR and Blue is the kinda guy who'll pick you up at 3am from the wrong universe, no questions asked. So while things will get pretty tense in the meantime, eventually, I hope we'll get to a point where it feels right for everyone to get along with each other. Sometimes it really is one big, happy family.

Anyway, that's what I think at chapter 21 (22?) out of a gazillion. It may be that a new plot comes out of nowhere, and I have to follow it down the rabbithole Right Now Immediately, derailing everything along the way. But I'm always happy to talk about what's going on behind the scenes! Please do come by and chat whenever--anything from "hey why is frisk so fixated on the stick" to "so actually though what if we stayed in frisktale forever"! I'm really pleased with this fic, so I have many, many thoughts about it :D

[priorireverte]

Congratulations Lizzie!

Your application for Narcissa Malfoy has been accepted. Another time I will ramble about the power of mothers in the Harry Potter Series, but for now let it suffice to say we have our third of the Mother’s Love Trio.

Please look to the checklist for the next steps and reach out if you have any questions!

OUT OF CHARACTER

NAME & PRONOUNS: Lizzie she/her

TIMEZONE: GMT

ACTIVITY LEVEL: Because they’re long threads, I’ve been preferring to let them build up and tackle them all at one when it comes to replies – but I am always around for plotting!

ANYTHING ELSE: Same triggers as before woo!

CHARACTER DETAILS

NAME: Narcissa Malfoy (nee Black)

BIRTHDATE: 27th May, 1955

DEATHDATE: n/a

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Narcissa identifies as cis female, using she/her pronouns. She also identifies as heterosexual. Her gender and sexuality have always just made sense to her, and she is lucky in that her identity is considered ‘normal’. Whilst she grew up very comfortable in herself, she knows that might not always be the case and so she made sure that Draco grew up in an accepting environment, at least from her perspective.

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Slytherin

OCCUPATION: Narcissa is not employed, but she has never felt as though she didn’t have an occupation. She ran Malfoy Manor after Lucius and her were married and dedicated her entire being to raising Draco to the best of her ability. Whilst nannies or governesses were available to her and she was encouraged by her mother to take advantage of them, Narcissa was steadfast in her desire that she was going to raise her son. She also stands as counsel for Lucius and has done for their whole marriage. She might have been raised to be a lady, but Narcissa has always been clever in her own right, advising her husband as she could.

FACECLAIM: Kathryn Winnick

CHARACTER BACKGROUND

POSTBELLUM

Narcissa never wanted any part in the war. She knew who she was marrying, what kind of reputation both his family and hers had, but she had always believed that part of Lucius’ life could stay out of their home. Then the war turned everything upside down and no matter how much she loves Lucius she cannot help but blame him. Since the war has ended, she’s accepted that he is and was simply a man who made mistakes, but she still hasn’t truly forgiven him. Narcissa blames him for Draco being put in danger, blames him for the fact that she nearly lost the person who means the most to her in the world.

Since the war ended, Narcissa has kept mostly to the manor. She doesn’t want to deal with the accusing looks and hostile interactions she knows she will be met with. She goes out when she needs to and appears to the world as aloof as she always has. In truth, the words and looks do get to her. She knows they were on the wrong side of the war and she regrets the things her family were responsible for. Not just Lucius, but Bellatrix as well. However, Narcissa has never regretted and will never regret the actions she took to keep her son safe.

The news of the Returned has stirred a lot of complex emotions up for Narcissa. She’s glad, somehow, that some of the tragedy caused by the wars might begin to be undone. Her heart is particularly with Andromeda, who she knows lost so much during the war, and might now have a chance to heal. Just as strong as the joy, is the fear. She has no wish to see any Death Eaters who fell rise again. Not even her sister. The person Bellatrix was when she died was not the sister who Narcissa remembered; she had been corrupted and driven mad. She finally feels like her family’s life is getting back on track, building trust with Lucius again and trying her hardest not to smother Draco as he makes his way in the world. Her sister’s return would ruin everything.

PERSONALITY What are they good at? What do they struggle with? What are their strengths and weaknesses?

Narcissa is surprisingly empathetic, though she certainly knows how to hide it. She feels others’ pain so acutely and it was this which helped undo years of indoctrination into the Pureblood mindset. This makes her an incredibly caring individual once you’re past the layers of aloofness and the austere nature she has carefully cultivated.

She can struggle to let people in, scared of showing a weakness that people will take advantage of. She can’t trust that not everyone is going to want to take something or use her for something, a trait only heightened by her experience in the war. As such, Narcissa isn’t often forthright unless it’s with those close to her. She will always be defensive; every strong emotion she hides in indifference.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY

The Black family had one rule: be perfect. Of course, within that were lots of different rules. As Narcissa experienced it, the pressure mostly came from her mother. Narcissa looked far more like a Rosier than a Black and Druella took it upon herself to mould Cissa into a perfect pureblood lady. Etiquette, manners, how muggleborns were the scourge of the Wixen world. Druella was cold and she was cruel and no matter how much Narcissa tried she never seemed to be enough. She never stopped trying though, wanting to make her parents proud. It didn’t seem that important to anyone that Narcissa had thoughts of her own but develop them she did. She had no wish to end up a trophy wife, so she studied hard at school whilst still acting as the perfect daughter to her parents. Parents aside, Narcissa absolutely adored her sisters. Andromeda was far easier to get along with, despite adoring Bellatrix there was an intensity in her eldest sister which always slightly scared Narcissa. She couldn’t help but feel betrayed when Andromeda left, when she chose Ted Tonks over them. At that point Narcissa didn’t much care that Ted was a muggleborn, she cared that her sister had never trusted her enough to share the secret. She was still young and foolish and she turned her back on her sister with the rest of the family, even if her heart wasn’t fully in it. The loss of one sister pushed her harder towards the other, and despite Bellatrix’s unnerving devotion to dark magic Narcissa committed herself to keeping a strong bond with her sister.

HISTORY What was their life before the end of the war in ‘98 or before their death? What was important and formative for them?

(N.B I say here that Cygnus and Druella were hoping for a boy here. I know that inheritance is gender neutral in the Wixen world, I believe they more hoped for a boy in order to literally carry on the Black family name, as the Blacks have historically thought their family (as carried in their name) to be worth more than others. Hope that makes sense!)

Cygnus and Druella were still hoping for a boy when Narcissa was born and not only was she a girl, she barely looked like a member of the Black family. Bright blue eyes and blonde hair which was almost white, she took after her mother’s side of the family and that perhaps spared her the disappointment which was inherent in all her father’s interactions with her older sisters. She was so wholly not what her father had wanted, his disappointment was instead indifference. On reflection, Narcissa can see that she was spoiled, constantly told she was the prettiest sister, the perfect little lady. She can also see now that when that attention was laved upon her, it was always to the detriment of her sisters. At the time though, she simply became entirely possessed with her own beauty and in being as perfect as she kept being told she was. There was no real affection from either of her parents, but even the smallest praise was something Narcissa would treasure. She didn’t begin to realise how cruel her mother could be until she approached puberty and everything she did became open to censure. She was getting fat, growing too fast and too tall, told no man would want to marry her if she carried on the way she was. Hogwarts was an escape for her, not being monitored at meal times to make sure she didn’t overeat, no-one taking her books away because she should have been studying music instead. It was during her time at Hogwarts that she began to privately question the strong anti-muggle beliefs she had been taught from a young age. Narcissa thrived, but she always had to return to the family manor over the summers and deal with an increasingly strict Druella.

After Hogwarts came the expectation of marriage and that pressure only increased when Andromeda left the family. Andromeda’s departure also pushed Narcissa back towards her family’s belief in supremacy, it was too hard for her to process just why she felt so betrayed by her sister, so it was easier to go along with the family line that it was because she’d run off with a muggleborn. Her heart was never really in it, but she knew to keep that to herself.

No matter what has happened between them, Narcissa still considers marrying Lucius to be one of the happiest days of her life and once of the best things to ever happen to her (second only to the birth of Draco). She loves her husband so completely, even though that love has certainly been tested over the years. Draco is the brightest shining spot in Narcissa’s whole life. She would, and has, done anything she could to protect him. Even when he was just a toddler and the worst things she had to protect him from were imagined monsters under his bed. The peace between the wars were the happiest years of her life, getting to raise Draco and live in what felt like domestic bliss. Fear began to creep back in as she heard of the events that began to happen at Hogwarts, fear that maybe there would be another war which could endanger her family. That danger was made all too real when Bellatrix escaped Azkaban and Lucius was sent there. Her sister no longer felt like her sister and her home was no longer her home. Worst of all, Draco was punished for Lucius’ error. Narcissa would have done anything to take the punishment instead, but she had to figure out a way to protect Draco in any way she could. She never gave up hope that Lucius would be returned to her, that his time in Azkaban would not leave him as damaged as it had left her sister, and that he would see how stupid it was to still stand on Voldemort’s side. Narcissa truly believed that even if Voldemort won, her family would never know peace. So she did what she could, to protect her family through the worst.  

OOC EXPLORATION

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO?

When I first applied, I was trying to decide between Ginny and Narcissa and I wrote apps for both. I’ve played Narcissa many times before and I love the complexities of her character, but I decided to take a risk on Ginny who was new to me in a rp setting. Now, I’m excited to play a character well known to me in a completely fresh setting. I’ve never played post-war Narcissa and I am so filled with inspiration for her!

ANYTHING ELSE?

Pinterest board here, because I am That Person.

Also headcanons (tw: miscarriage, tw: eating disorder)

I think Narcissa always wanted a family, and probably wanted a large one. Not too large, but she never intended to have just one child. The early years of her marriage to Lucius though were plagued with fertility issues and she suffered more than one miscarriage during this period. When Draco came along, a healthy viable pregnancy, Narcissa was overjoyed. No matter her joy, delivery took a toll on her and whilst it would have been technically possible, she was advised it would be unsafe for her to carry another child to term. She was devastated, but she poured all that sadness and anger into loving Draco as much as she could.

Druella’s controlling nature and constant badgering about Narcissa’s weight definitely led to her having an incredibly unhealthy relationship with food. She suffered from bulimia for most of her teens and into her early twenties. It was when she and Lucius started trying to have children that she began to fix her relationship with food and she knew she needed to be healthy to support a child.