#love yourself more my friends
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i love joe and all and he's doing a great job on fargo, but let's tone it down on the gator crushes
#the smut fanfic showing up in joes tag is like... guys he's a racist right wing nut whose dad has multiple wives he abuses#and I mean like the self inserts#love yourself more my friends#he’s just a pretty looking boy you can do better I promise
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cant keep their quadrants straight
#the solkat was in fact not out of my system#really funny kismesis dynamic because its not actual real hate rather than a synced temper tantrum between the two#their pitch flirting was pretty weak anyway#i hate myself more than you hate yourself NUH UH and im better at you in smash bros#then karkat meekly asks if theyre still friends and sollux tells him to shut up and boots up a show on discord to watch together#pitch hatred based on the other guy knowing too much about you and caring really hard about your wellbeing and its embarassing#love. its love#homestuck#egg art#solkat#sollux captor#karkat vantas
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☆ de fontaine
{☆} characters furina {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings angst, suicidal thoughts, hurt / no comfort {☆} word count 1.4k
This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair!
She thought, for one moment, she could put the mask down and breathe – for one moment of daydreaming, she thought she could just be Furina. She thought she would finally get to live the live she should've had in the first place, the life she threw away to play God to an audience who saw her as nothing but a circus animal, dancing to their whims. Furina just wanted to be selfish for one brief and fleeting moment..and it was gone before she could even grasp it in her hand. A comet soaring past far out of her reach.
She can barely keep her hands from violently shaking as she looks down at them – broken and bloody and more a corpse then a person – and she feels so numb she can't even feel the rain pelting against her back. None of this is fair, she wants to scream, why is it always me? But her voice is silent beneath the torrent of rain. She wonders if the ocean would take her if she sank into it's depths – just for a moment, she wonders how it would feel to finally be able to sleep at ease.
Furina is tired.
But Furina is nothing if not useful, isn't she?
So she forces her feet to move, dragging against the stone beneath her heels, and drags their bloodied body into the nearest empty building, letting the rain do the work of washing away the smeared blood following her path. The smell makes her feel sick, the feeling of it sticking to her hands and gloves makes her lightheaded, but she persists. Because Furina is useful, because Furina won't let them die out in the rain, because Furina won't stand by and just let them rot on the streets like some..pest.
Furina wants to go home. She wants to sleep and she isn't she if she wants to wake up, this time. But she keeps going anyway.
Because it's all she's ever done, and the habit sticks.
An Archon she may not be, not anymore, but the expectations of five hundred years still linger like eyes on the inside of her skull. They watch her, pry and prod at her thoughts, mocking laughter and judging eyes following her as she forces herself to dance to the song they weave with glee. Furina never stepped off that stage – she's still there, she thinks, watching the crowd stare at her in disdain as the curtain call looms above her like a guillotine. She still hears Neuvillette deliver her damnation and salvation with a trembling voice, still feels her hair stand on end when electro crackled like the crack of the whip, Clorinde's blade aimed at her like a loaded gun.
She's trapped on that stage and she never left, not really.
She hates it. She thinks she hates them, but it's not their fault. They didn't ask for this, didn't ask for everyone to turn against them, didn't ask for her to save them. Neither did she..yet here they are, she thinks.
She tries to tell herself she's in control this time, though. She can stop performing her part in this horrible, bloody play any time she wants. It makes her feel better, just for a little while, if she convinces herself she's still Furina, painfully human.
And Furina has always been good at lying.
It's the believing that's the hard part.
There isn't time for her to wallow in her own self pity, though. They're still bleeding out onto the dusty, creaky floorboards of some random, broken down house and she's just standing there as the blood stains the wood. She can fix it – she's good at fixing things. She's done nothing but fix things – try to, anyway – for five hundred years. She can fix a little wound, how hard could it be? Her hands are clenched so tight they ache as she kneels down, wincing at the creak of the floorboards beneath her heels– she hesitates just long enough to wonder if she's making a mistake before she peels away just enough of the outer layer of their clothes to see the deep, bloody gash across their chest. She tries not to think about it – it's deep, too deep, and she feels dizzy just looking at it, but she's handled worse, right?
Furina can fix it. That's what she's good at.
She doesn't feel so confident when she tries to wrack her brain for..something. Five hundred years, and a little wound stumps her? No, she had to have learned something, right? She's decidedly not trying to buy time because she's panicking, parsing through hundreds of years of memories like flipping through a book. Furina isn't made for this, not really – she's running on nothing but adrenaline and she's really not sure what she's doing, but she's trying. And just like before, it won't be enough, will it?
She'll fall short again – she'll be too late to fix it before she's alone again.
Furina was an Archon..used to be. What use would she have for that sort of knowledge? Which makes her predicament all the more harrowing and bleak. What was she supposed to do?
Furina had heard it first hand, that vitriol in Neuvillette's voice. She isn't sure she's ever heard him that..angry before. She's not sure he would listen to her if she tried, either. And that scares her more then anything. All of Fontaine was up in arms about this..imposter, yet here she was, staring down at them bleeding out in front of her, and she was trying to save them.
Why? Why is she throwing away her only chance at normalcy for a fraud? Why didn't she just turn them in?
They were dying – that should've been a good thing, shouldn't it? So why didn't it feel like it?
"Why you?" Her voice breaks as she speaks in harsh tones, grabbing the front of their shirt in trembling, bloodied hands. "Why now?" She wants to scream, to demand answers they can't give, to claw back the reprieve she was promised after five hundred years of agony..and all she can do is sob into their chest, pleading for an answer that will not come. "Why me?"
Silence is their answer, and it hangs heavy on her trembling shoulders as she cries.
Of course they don't, she thinks bitterly, no one has ever answered her pleas spoken in hushed sobs. Not her other self and certainly not them.
Furina has always been alone. Furina will always be alone.
Because Furina never left that stage, never left that moment when she looked at herself in the mirror and took up a mantle too heavy for her to bear. She always finds her way back eventually. There's no one on the other side anymore – she stands alone on a stage, waiting for an inevitable end she isn't sure will come.
"Please," She pleads through tears and choked sobs, clinging to them like they are all that keeps her from sinking. "Please don't leave me, too." The words burn on her tongue – how pathetic is she that she craves companionship from the bloodied body of the imposter? Perhaps she's truly lost her mind after all these years..perhaps she's finally gone mad. She must have.
But their presence is like the first feeling of gentle warmth upon her skin as the sun crests the horizon, like the gentle lap of tides along her heels, the sway of branches and leaves as the wind blows through them like an instrument all it's own. They are the soothing sound of rain against the window as she watches the dreary skies in fond longing, the first bloom of spring as color blooms upon the landscape like paint had been spilled across the hills and valleys.
They are like the faint spark she carefully nurtures and stokes, so fragile even the smallest wind could blow it out like a candle. She cradles it within her palms, pleads with whoever will listen – prays that someone finally listens, because if not for her, then for them.
She's failed to protect too much already, let too many people with so much trust in her fall between the cracks of her fingers like grains of sand. She won't let them go – she can't.
If nothing else, if she couldn't be saved when she begged for salvation from that five hundred year long agony, even if she never got that chance..
Furina will make sure they do.
#sagau#genshin sagau#self aware genshin#genshin impact sagau#self aware genshin impact#genshin cult au#genshin impact cult au#fic tag#furina#so um. looks around. okay look. i know im like THE ts@r1ts@ dealer (censored so it doesnt show in tags. hopefully)#but the moment i saw furi in fontaine the day it released she became my fav even more then the tsaritsa SORRY SHES SO..#this is my love letter 2 furi (making her suffer unimaginable horrors)#open ended kinda in case i decide on making a sequel maybe#furi makes me feel cuteness aggression so bad i start acting like a rabid animal#furina the woman that you are. thats my girlprince meow meow id kill someone for her#playing her part as archon so well but being so horribly irrefutably human in every way..#five hundred years not even knowing what the real plan was. when it would end. knowing if she slipped up it was over.#and in the end almost no one knew what really happened. a select few people know the real weight of her sacrifice.#furina's story was always a tragedy. it was never going to be anything but a tragedy.#and thats one of the most tragic parts of it isnt it? she didnt know how itd end. she didnt know her story was always going to be a tragedy#furina never knew a thing. and still she did it for the people of fontaine and succeeded.#how do you define “yourself” when you havent existed for 500 years?#to be so selflessly human you give up “yourself” to save people who will never know of your sacrifice.#sometimes i think about the confrontation on the stage and have a week long mental breakdown#sacrificing EVERYTHING for fontaine and still. still! the people closest to you turn on you.#heavy on clorinde. she was as close 2 furi as neuvi fight me on this. i bite.#her bodyguard and friend and she ends up staring down her blade wondering if this is it. she failed. she failed them all#because even when faced with the trial. with losing everything. she still thought only about fontaine. oh furina.#do you think she has nightmares. wonders if she was never meant to win this game of g-ds. that her story was always meant to be a tragedy?#do you think she still wonders if she was ever meant to have a chance at a happy ending? a doomed tragedy from beginning to end
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Jackie died. Jackie died and I'm devastated. I will never be the same person again
#I had to pause the game to bawl my eyes out#I WAS SO INVESTED IN HIM ARE YOU KIDDING ME#I think I get what you're trying to say to me game. is it worth it to put yourself in danger#and destroy yourself for a chance at a fame that you probably won't even get to enjoy#because you won't be there to see it?#is it worth it to break the hearts of the people you love in this pursuit? the people who'll grieve you?#I mean it's part of the first question that dex asks you when this whole thing starts and the last thing he says to you is also about that#about whether you wanna live a peaceful life or. go out like this#I get that. if that's what it's going for I get that. it gets the point across I'm not angry. but also#THAT WAS MY FRIEND#JACKIE MY FRIEND JACKIE 😭#WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE DIED OF BLOOD LOSS THIS IS BULLSHIT#I'm never getting over this#sleep.txt#cp2077#jackie welles#OK OK HOLD ON I have more to say. I wanna expand on that jdjfkdkf bc I have Thoughts. especially playing corpo v like#I think the whole thing hit me even harder as corpo bc you get to see a sort of parallel situation with your v#where you had all this renown and respect but it came at a great cost. so great it nearly killed you#and then you go through that again and now you're dying and your friend is dead#and it's all in the pursuit of fame and money#that scene in the car when they're heading for the hotel reminded me so much of that initial scene with v#when you get in your fancy car and sip your fancy champagne#and like 10 minutes later nearly get killed by people from arasaka#I think there might be a point to be made there. about jackie heading towards the same kind of life just with a different coat of paint#being seduced by the same things we were seduced by while accepting the cost without fully understanding it#and then when you're faced with it it's. well it's heartbreaking and life ending#self destruction in the pursuit of something that makes you wonder if it was even all that worth it to begin with#viktor vektor is probably the happiest person I've met so far and that's saying something#anyway rant over. ty for your time I'm gonna go cry over jackie in the corner excuse me
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“You’re going to blow out your arms,” the villain observed. They watched as the hero merely grit their teeth, shoving themself through another pull-up. It looked painful, and if the sweat slicking the hero’s brow was any indication, it was.
They waited for the hero to let themself drop from the bar and accept the villain was stronger. But they didn’t.
Three more pull-ups, and the villain stepped in.
“Hero,” they said slowly. “You’re about to tear the ligaments in your arms. You need to stop.”
The hero blew out a shuddering breath. Struggled for purchase, fighting gravity—and let themself drop.
The hero’s hands were bleeding, calluses torn open by the bar. The hero didn’t seem bothered when their own hands shook so much that their blood began to splatter on the gym floor.
For a moment, the villain could only stare at them.
Shit.
They didn’t know how to handle this. They knew the hero was dedicated. They knew the hero was strong, and perpetually trying to be stronger, but they hadn’t thought…
They hadn’t thought the hero would be so willing to tear apart their own body for success.
It was supposed to be fun, the villain thought. They felt a little sick as the hero pressed their palms together to soothe the bleeding, an action that was practiced and familiar. As if they had done this before.
The hero reached for something in their bag, smearing blood on the side, and pulled out a roll of blue electrical tape. The villain didn’t understand why, until the hero tore a strip off and made to wrap their hands with it.
The hero would be the death of them.
They crouched in front of the hero, plucking the electrical tape out of their hands.
“What are you doing with this?”
The hero blinked at the villain like they were the strange one in this situation.
“Wrapping my hands?”
The villain hissed in a breath.
“With electrical tape?”
The hero flushed slightly, looking down at their bloody hands. They looked close to tears.
“It…sticks to skin, really well. And it doesn’t move, either, when you move your hands or wherever else, even if you’re fighting. Plus, blood doesn’t make it come off, at least, not for a while.”
The villain blinked at them.”
“Blood doesn’t make it come off,” the villain repeated, processing. The hero nodded, reaching for the electrical tape. The villain settled it out of reach.
“Not if you wrap it right.”
Dimly, the villain realized that meant the hero had done this enough times to have it down to a science.
“And you couldn’t use a bandaid?” The villain asked incredulously. The hero shrugged a shoulder, then winced at the motion.
Yeah, the hero had absolutely blown out their arms.
“Bandaids move—“
The villain hushed them.
“Be quiet for a second.”
The hero, wisely, went quiet.
The villain rubbed a hand over their face, then studied the hero for a moment. They took one of the hero’s hands into their own, studying the damage.
“Why did you do this to yourself,” the villain murmured.
“What do you mean, why,” the hero snapped. “It’s my job.”
“Your job is to save people,” the villain corrected. “Not destroy yourself.”
“I’m not destroying myself—“
“You are.”
“Shut up—“
“Hero.”
“I need to be better,” the hero snapped. Their voice rang out across the gym, echoing into the rafters, and they both froze. After a moment, the hero spoke again, voice soft. “I need to be better.”
They said it like they needed the villain to understand. The villain wondered who they were really saying it to—the villain, or themself.
“Better than who?”
“Everyone.” It was hushed, like a secret.
The villain watched them, waiting.
The hero took a shaky breath
“My whole thing is being the best. I have always been the best. That’s the only reason I matter. If I’m not strong enough, then I am nothing, so I need. to be. better.”
The hero had started crying, very quietly, like they were afraid to take up too much space.
The villain was not equipped to handle gifted kid burnout.
“There’s more to you than just being a good athlete,” the villain said hesitantly, and the hero shook their head.
“No. There isn’t.”
“Hero.”
“Can you give me back my electrical tape?” They hiccuped to contain a sob.
“No,” the villain said firmly, and then the hero really was sobbing.
“You don’t understand—“
The villain didn’t. Not really. They had never been the kind of talented that the hero was.
They wondered now if maybe that was a blessing.
“I don’t,” the villain agreed. “But I do understand that you’ve saved half the city, and you give everything you have to give, and you always do your best.”
“But I-“
“No.” The villain stopped them. “You are doing your best.” They tipped the hero’s chin up until they met the villain’s eyes. “And it is enough.”
The hero froze, eyes darting over the villain’s face. They wondered if anyone had ever said that to the hero, if whatever mentor they had was giving them anything other than orders to be stronger. Be better. Be more.
The villain had some new targets to take care of, it would seem.
For now, though, they had to take care of hero.
“We’re going to go wrap your hands,” they said softly. “And then we’re going to take care of your arms, and you’re going to take a nap.”
The hero nodded, watching them like they were some kind of good, selfless person.
“And if I ever catch you using electrical tape again, so help me, I will put you six feet under.”
That startled a laugh out of the hero, and they let the villain guide them to their feet.
“Fine.”
The villain turned to them. “Okay?”
Are you going to be alright?
The hero seemed to understand.
“Okay,” the hero agreed.
Yes.
And so, it was.
#writing#writing community#snippet#angst#heroes and villains#ficlet#writblr#hero/villain#hero whumpee#exhaustion#overworked#villain caretaker#whump#kind of#in case you’re wondering. yes you CAN do this to yourself. it’s completely possible#essentially what happens is if you do a motion (a pull-up) more than your body is capable#it gets mad. this is different from training till failure. this is to failure and then beyond#so while you started using the correct muscle groups you those muscles get tired and despite the tired you don’t stop#so then your body switches to muscles it SHOULDNT BE USINF and then you fuck up your elbows (in the case of pull-ups)#and then you can’t straighten your arms for a week bc the ligaments and tendons and all the little movement parts want to keep it curled in#I’m not a doctor#I’m just a gifted kid who was an athlete who got burnt out and destroyed her body lmao#this is possibly maybe based on true events that occurred#anyways. I’m not a doctor but you can use electrical tape on wounds. yes it sticks. yes it stays. it’s honestly very useful.#electrical tape > bandaids#do not do anything listed here it is BAD. do not blow out your muscles it hurts. properly clean ur injuries. I beg you.#don’t get injured at all#thank you to my friend who went “pull-up’ competition and then watched me create this angst#love u besties. drink water. go to sleep. summon demons. ❤️ self care
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from last night
#im trying to be more fast and loose w my art but i still end up overthinking every tiny detail gahhh ... ill reach peace eventually#i do like the more cartoony path my style has taken w my recent hfxs and whatnot its fun#turns out when you force yourself to have an 'appealing' artstyle it sucks out all the fun from the process of drawing who coulda guessed#anyways im rambling#i love these fools...#smiling friends#pim pimling#charlie dompler#charpim#my art
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Sometimes being in love is like getting your eye gored in a fit of purifying violence, sometimes it's not
#I keep talking about the romance of cannibalism so much my mother has gotten so so so tired of me (my friends are more mixed)#but also she got me to watch The Hunger (1983) which was very fun and very 80s#its about consuming and being consumed!!!!!!!!!!! Eating your loved one because you cannot stand them existing outside of yourself!!!!!!!!!#being eaten because you cannot stand existing outside of your lover!!! Becoming obsessed with literally merging together in the goriest way#basically I cannot stop thinking about Hannibal (2013)#I couldn't figure out how to get Tz's horn to fit with the way I placed their heads and then I realized wough........it would be going righ#in Vris's eye if I keep their heads where they were so I just leaned in bc themes......motifs..........symbolism................#blinding and being blinded is so central to their narrative ya know#anyway. this is an unhinged amount of tags I hope you had fun reading all of them#vriska serket#terezi pyrope#vrisrezi#homestuck#hs#my art#fantasy blood#religious imagery
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to every woman and to every trans, queer, bipoc, and/or disabled person, i am holding your hand so tightly right now
#★#as much anguish as i have over the results of the election#i was preparing myself for this outcome#i'm not as ready as i want to be truthfully#as a neurodivergent queer woman of color i am quite scared#but to parrot some of the things i've heard people say:#it shouldn't be that simply being yourself is an act of resistance#but it is#it shouldn't be but it is#but it's also all the more reason to stay alive#do everything you can to not just stay alive but to live and to thrive#this world needs queer joy trans joy bipoc joy disabled joy#don't let anyone take it from you so easily#stay safe my friends take care of yourselves always but especially at this time#hug your loved ones and tell them how much you love them#the sun will come up and again tomorrow and again and again
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I loooove the jp fandom's headcanon that geeta and larry are childhood friends who met during their time in the academy and, sometime in the future, geeta personally recruited larry to work for the paldean pokemon league, as she must be one of the first people who knew of his prowess in pokemon battling! Like yeah, the whole geeta being a "strict boss who is frustrated by larry's stubborn insistence to be an average worker that she has to assign him different workloads just to broaden his horizon" idea is intriguing, but stepping it up a notch by making geeta be the "best friend a.k.a the only one who has seen larry at his very best and his very worst, and knows for a fact that he could excel at anything he put his mind into if he steps out of his comfort zone, so she doesn't particularly drag him out of said zone, but pushes him out of it each time she can because she can't bear to see her best friend be unaware of the good chances and positive things that awaits him out there, not if she has a (small) say in it" is also downright hilarious 😭🤚
#it's happened to me before which is why i think this headcanon isn't very far-fetched! it's actually so big-brained even lmaooo 😭😭😭#like. i happened to befriend a stupidly genius in high school and she's why i got into a reputable uni in the first place. she dragged me t#study even when i was never in the mood and look at what it did to my high school grades! look at the strict habits that got me through uni#it's also kinda like when you're isolating yourself after a bad breakup and your friend has to physically drag you out to eat. maybe to get#piss drunk as well. all because they know that it's better to have company than to rot alone in your room with your thoughts... you get me?#that's geeta and larry in my eyes. larry's whole line about sticking to flat well-trodden path isn't about making him a famous trainer to#inspire paldea (geeta's whole goal). it's just to show larry that there are other good things too if he takes a peek outside!#and at the end of the day geeta meant well with that advice. that all she wants is for larry to see more of the world than what he's used t#which... idk. i think it's just more heartwarming to think of that advice coming from a friend! even if said friend is also your strict bos#also makes larry's quiet fuming even funnier LMAOOOO 😭😭😭 sometimes you have to suck it up and endure your besties' whims#but this is not a silly and whimsical whim. this is straight-up corporate whim. larry's not surprised he ended up patrolling area zero 🤣#if you've read this far and wanna see jp fanart of them on pixiv i can refer them to you privately! all of them are lovely and heartwarming#champion geeta#gym leader larry#elite four larry#pokemon#pokemon scarlet and violet#pokemon scarvio#scarvio#paldea
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my friend asked if i would consider us to be in a qpr like sir... i don't know how u feel about me or us in general, and i asked, and am waiting for a response but now i can't think about anything else until i hear back
#he told me I'm dear to him and he loves me for the first time the other night and i keep thinking about that too..#im over here worrying about being annoying or too assertive and im dear to u?? u love me??#mayhaps i am too harsh on myself... it's the trauma... but hello.........?#when a friend and a lover can be one in the same for u‚ where do u even draw the line between a sweet n loving friendship vs a qpr#i think it's just like.. a certain acknowledgement.. a commitment of sorts.. something more intentional#we could totally be in one if u want....... but what Do u want.... what do u think? these questions are consuming me rn#i did ask though ☝🏾😏 im not a girlie who tries to guess or goes crazy in silence when i can just let u tell me yourself 🙏🏾#it would be great... i think it would remove a lot of hesitation or doubts on my part... i gotta ask where the boundaries r at now#love that boundaries are always a conversation u can revisit if it feels right 🥰#but... imma need the answer to those other questions first... i think if it IS a qpr it's like.. the early stages of one..#what it lacks‚ to me‚ for now‚ is that intentionality. but that can easily change if that's what we want
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hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x
#seriously another shout out to my mutuals#id particularly like to say thank you to boom who's always right there for me no matter what's happening or how insane im being#and also everyone in our little discord that wound up having to make a whole new channel for venting#bc i was there so often like 'today's weird ask isssss.... telling me about my cupsize!! rip them to shreds!!!'#hannah and theo especially being there and pushing me to finally turn off anon. war is truly over#and of course rori bc the shamelessness u show when hating on my anon asks has been genuinely really cathartic#sometimes u really do just need a rottweiler mutual to tell random people online to kill themselves 😭#okay weird oscar acceptance speechcore gratitude over. i do just rlly love my mutuals#like i went three years not telling anyone about the worse side of internet popularity for fear of looking spoiled and ungrateful#so for the first time to open up about it and be met with outrage on my behalf and people saying in fact it's MORE fucked up#than i initially realised bc ive grown desensitised to it is. yeah cathartic i guess#they are singlehandedly reassuring me of the good this cursed app still holds#so everyone thank them and send them flowers NOW#okay im done i think. see you guys soon. i truly do want to come back asap bc like i said i NEVER EVEN WANTED TO FUCKING LEAVE#SOME ASSHOLES JUST HAD TO PUT GRENADES ON WHAT I ASSUMED WERE VERY UNIVERSAL AND OBVIOUS BOUNDARIES#if you're reading this like 'ohhh fuck i defo sent something invasive lately. i thought it was a joke/we were friends'#then 1) we arent friends if you're on anon. it immediately creates a power imbalance where you know me and any necessary context#but i have no idea who you are or how much you know about me. that's already a fucked dynamic#and 2) I HOPE YOU FEEL BAD. LIKE GENUINELY I HOPE YOU FEEL AWFUL AND HAVE A GOOD LONG LOOK AT YOURSELF#okay i think that's all. ta-ra lads??? how tf do u end something like this#ive queued this to reblog a couple more times throughout the day
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How would you describe your friend's art/writing? (E.g.: scenario, food, memory, etc.)
OMGGG ANON THANK YOUUU LET ME SMOOCH U RNNN <3333
But i'm gonna twist the question a bit since i haven't read everyone's work so yeah 🥹 i'm gonna describe the way they talk or how they 'feel' like to me lolll
@beloved-brynn: (<- my dear sweet hallow) whenever brynn is talking about something, it could either be the most mindblowing thing ever or the funniest thing ever 😭 i love her sm (platonically) since she's my first ever mutual and the first ever person to just... kinda welcome me to tumblr (i can hesr her in the distance saying smth smth abt i traumatized her despite the warm welcome- /silly) also she's good at giving advices! She's somebody who would cofmort you in an objective but warm way while also try to joke around so you won't feel like you're being nagged at (good grief, i cried more while she did that lol) ALSO A SIMP FOR DIMITRIII ‼️‼️
@meimeimeirin: tbh rin's writing or way of speaking is so so uniquely her that even if she tried to mask it up, i could guess that it's her 😆 she's an amazing mutual that i have no clue how the heck did we even be friends and be close like this??? Is it the same thing like how me and brynn get close- i gave you a drawing- anyway, she has a very elegant way of doing things, and especially when she starts to ramble or write about something that she loves! It's always so lovely reading her posts <3 btw rin, keep a chicken head with you always, yeah? 😋
@leftdestiny-posts: NOW THIS IS AN ENIGMA BECAUSE I HAVE NO CLUE HOW DID WE ACTUALLY BECOME MOOTS????? Shiro, did u just somehow in someway adopt me- 😭 but anywayyyy, shiro's way of talking is so so so soft and cute and warm and it makes me wonder how the heck did they mask their craziness so good like that- /smacked sorry sorry, enough jokes, what i meant to say is that shiro is such a down to earth person, and honestly i could see them go "wah, the clouds are really pretty today~ the flowers too~~" their writing or talking style has that vibe to me! It's so warm and fuzzy to me 🫠 i feel so comfy with themm 💗💗
@a-bookworms-teashop: i took a liking to one of her series and ever since then, i am a fan of her works!! I like to leave comments and just yk... support her works! Suddenly, bam! She dm'ed me or smth and we just kinda talk 😆 i love when she goes to ramble about her works because it shows how much love and effort she pours into each and every one of them!!! Im still waiting for an update to that series hiks but in any case, her other works sre also a masterpiece! Example? The yandere ceo one! It's so interesting and honestly bae, i would read every chapters 😻 i mean i already did, but eh YEAH READ EM GUYS!!!
@jessamine-rose: bae jess, ur works are amazing pookie, i once read one of ur work before eventually falling in love with how u write but i forgot which one was it... (it was a long time ago) was it abt capitano...? I'M SORRY I FORGOT HDBSHSJSJ 😭😭😭 but anyway, jess has the mom vibe that it always made me think of those asian moms (I'M ASIAN- THE TRAUMA IS THERE- /silly) who would hit their kids with sandals and be "i told you don't be like that!" >:o also her way of speaking and the amount of kaomojis she used is so so her that i would just imagine her every time i see one of those kaomojis 😆💗 please keep using em, i love ittt <333
@harmonysanreads: i simp for u. Yes, you read that right, my friends... I SIMP FOR HARMYYYY (shoo shoo eun- /silly) 😻💗 harmy has a very distinctive vibe and personality despite being similar to rinrin, and uhh how do i describe it...? It's like talking with a mom figure (no harm, i don't see u as a mom figure-) who knows you so well!! Her way of talking is so elegant, but it's not the warm-like elegant! It's like seeing a queen (?) and you can't help but to be mesmerized by her mannerisms! I also love the way she can form her words, they're always so thoughtful and really straightforward in a way lolll (she's my argue buddy too- anyway prince hirang 👎 /silly)
@navxry: NAVI ACTS LIKE THE MOM FRIEND!! Not really the mom mom friend, but navi is our server mom 💗 they take care of us and sometimes pop in and say either the most horrendous down bad thing ever for female game characters (while im like "oh yeah so true lmao" but i don't usually pop in and say that) or they'll help us around the server because apparently most some of us are not pretty... tech-savvy (me included HAHAHHA) navi is such a mood sometimes and i absolutely love them for ittt 🫶 u go girl (/gn) be as silly as you wsnt for your fics, or in other words, kill em all- *cough* i mean what
@calxlu: a fellow infp who really loves albedo 😆 i love when one time i made a bedo art for them and they reblogged it so many times,,, it made me super happy and super proud that the art made them that happy 💗 anyway, vivi talks similarly like me methinks but like ummm how do i say it? Vivi is like cuter...???? IDKK HAHAHAJDJ- um, moving on 😆 i love it when vivi describes or tell smth because it could either be the most cutest thing ever or the funniest thing ever (i still remember that grandma comment pls 😭) anywayyy i hope your life has been less stressful!!! Also will be hoping that ppl won't bother you especially when you don't want to get bothered 🫂
@teabutmakeitazure: ZURIII MY BELOVED 🙌 HELLO HI <333 muach muach i hope you're doing well when you read this post /gen /pos !!! When zuri comes in the server and say smth, i will always imagine someone wesring a glasses, talking in such a monotone voice but tries to appear caring and sweet because YES they are actually really sweet and very much loveable and smoochable <3 it's just how you 'feel' like to me, so don't mind em too much loll 😆💗 also, i see that zuri and speckled can match each other vibe so well and it makes me think that they'll be such a great and cute duo together sbsnsjkssk
@vennnnn-diagram: VENNNNN OMG MY PARTNER IN CRIME 😻💗‼️ (<- we never did any crime other than bully brynn... i think-) ven is so funny and chaotic that it makes me wanna smooch em every time they appear <3 how do i explain this... uhhh, like ven always seems to be the silliest person ever whenever they talk in the server, but GUYS they're like really thoughtful and so overall nshdjisks i can't describe it but i will fight anyone who diss or insult ven /hj kinda srs actually ✨️ ven, if u think that being silly feels weird out of nowhere, bae we're all weird, so dw abt it 😆 im also very silly, so we can be silly together!!! ALSO ONE IMPORTANT FACT, ven is our music genius 🙌‼️ i'm so serious abt wanting to hear ur music for an hour straight-
@stickyspeckledlight: speckled...... well, uh, the word 'silly', 'random', "what in the world-" as a person fr 😆 i also just kinda deem her as the gamer pro in our server and well.... i gotta say she's real good when gaming (<- has never seen her gaming stream) BUT LIKE WHATEVER THOSE GAME TERM STUFF, SPECKLED KNOWS IT ALL ‼️‼️ like whenever she said oh this and that about hsr or genshin, i'd be "oh yeah so true" despite me not understanding her words (sorry yall i'm not a gamer 😭) alsoooo it's pretty noticeable, but uhh speckled (and zuri) is aventurine lover and she's pretty crazy abt him *cues me looking at her fics* keep going bestie 🙌 you (and zuri) are our aventurine truther lol
@ainescribe: AINE MY SPOUSE ✨️ THE LOVE OF MY LIFE /pos 💗💗 ainneee, one of our talented super amazing artists in the hostelry 😻 thought despite me saying that aine is the loml, we haven't talk or interact much, but i know that she's a sweetheart hehe 🫶 aine has a very bubbly way of talking, she likes to yap yap like eun especially if it's about.... uh lores? Idrk the kind of stuff that aine likes to talk about, but it's always fun to hear her (and eun) yap ‼️ also, i can't describe it but she makes me wanna smooch her but also nom her (it's just cuteness aggression-) ALSO I HAVE TO SAY IT AGAINNN, HER ARTS ARE REALLY PRETTYYY 💗🙌 LIKE 100/10 PRETTY ✨️
@lucienbarkbark: girl, idk what goes on in your mind but you're a mood 😆 i am always so surprised whenever rika appears and say something, it's too straightforward but i love her for it <333 she seems like someone who would just do whatever she wants, and i would totally support her for it 💪 rika and her... 66 or more men that she would (respectfully saying) sleep with 🔥🔥🔥 HAHAHHAH THE LIST IS SO LONG AND LIKE 😭😭 i can never not laugh whenever i remember it hdjdjsjwkw pls never change your frank and honest attitude, i love it 🫶 btw, uh, pls have some rest bestie 😭 like an actual rest and also a mental rest 🫂 wishing the best for you rikaaaa >:o
@mixed-kester: esther! While i may not know much about you, but i KNOW one thing!!! It's that she's a really great artist 😻 i'm telling yall to check her arts because (from my opinion) her art style looks like one you would find in a cute short comic (that i would totally devour-) AND YEAH she's just really sweet yk 🥺 also esther talks in a very direct way that it makes you want to just know what's up inside that head of hers 😆 she's also part of the 'would eat mochi 😋' gang and i just.... have to accept that....... anyway LOVE HER 💗‼️ please be more braver and accepting of your feelings, you're precious and worth it, okay? We love you, and i hope sincerely that YOU love YOURSELF 🙌
@euniveve: OHOHOHO OUR RESUME DESTROYER HERE /silly ✨️ jokes aside, i think me, jess, and shiro would say "what can't eun do atp" if we're talking about eun 😭😭 wdym she can write amazing fanfics, great artist, good at debating, a highschool athlete, a student council president- LIKE EUN WHAT THE HECK DID YOU NOT DO???? Is it the intj in you- /silly LMAO anyway, all that aside, eun talks in a very pookie way, so full of.... love (especially if she's talking with harmy) and she would totally yap yap abt smth altho sometimes she's a bit direct about stuff (not in a harsh way tho) all in all, i hope you're not too harsh on yourself 💗 OH AND i love how confident you are!! You know that you're amazing, and i think that's great pookie 🫶
@fishanonishere: FISHHHHH 🫂 the 'albedo' in my life LMAOOOO 😭 they're so cute i wanna smooch them fr ✨️ they like to yap about their works and honestly yap more bestie (I HAVEN'T ANSWERED THEIR DM IN DISCORD BUT YEAH YAP MORE BESTIE 😭😭) they have a distinct way of talking and it's hard for me to describe it, but imagine albedo talking with such an interest while also keeping it low with how monotonous his face is and you're a bit confused whether he's excited or chill with it 😆 fish is also an amazing artist, their art style is very very 😋💗 yeah i'd eat all of em HAHAHAHA anyway fishhh, i hope you keep being 'you'!! It's always fun talking to you, but i think my energy is just not that big enough for us to keep talking for so long 😭🙏
#reli-answers : anon#ANON TY ILY#i'll kiss u omg#muach muachhhh#💗💗💗#i love to ramble and talk about the ppl i loveee#all in all despite whatever stuff i said here my wish is for all of you to have a good life and be satisfied with yourself#be proud of yourself and give a pat in the back because you deserve it 🫂#yall are very amazing ♡ /gen#i hope all of us can be friends for a loooong time!!!#if any of my desc of you does not fit your personality or smth then that's probably me misinterpreting you guys 😭😭#or it's just how i 'see' you guys hehehe#I WANNA WRITE MORE HERE BUT I DON'T WANT TO MAKE IT TOO LONG 😞#anyway i hope all of you can smile or maybe laugh a little when resding this silly post lol#ANYWAHJDID#i hope you have a good day everyone 🥹🫶
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ok but can we talk about the transition from being the weird unattractive girl/boy as a kid to suddenly being percieved as a hot gay person bc that shit is so jarring. but also like really wholesome? like wow I don’t have to conform to cishet expectations of attractiveness and actually people find me really attractive for the natural way I look and present myself. that’s so wild.
#inspired by a convo with a friend today lol#but also like. I so distinctly remember having this realization when I was like 13!!!#bc while I never felt ugly I WAS the weird nerd girl who got bullied a fair bit#and then one day a little while after coming out as bi I was thinking and suddenly was like.#wait a minute. I’m gay and I like girls with short hair. gay girls like other girls with short hair. I have short dyed hair.#I AM the cute girl with short hair!! woah!!!!!!!#it just opens up your world a bit yknow??? like there’s not just one way to be attractive#and also judging yourself only by the standards of the average cishet man or woman’s taste can make you feel so undesirable#but the way queer people love is so much more varied and accepting and it’s so freeing#anyways. I love entering my ‘wait holy shit I can pull’ era.#like I always knew I had it in me and I’ve always been confident but now it’s validated lmaooo#I always knew I was pretty as hell!!! I knew it!!! even if boys pretended to like me in order to bully me!!!
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{ Happy 26th birthday to me. }
#{ I got scared awake by a phone call from my mother being like 'I'm coming over!' }#{ So I am fully awake now with a blip of anxiety that will fade very quickly. }#{ But other than that... I can't believe I'm already 26. }#{ More than halfway to 30. Gah. }#{ If y'all wanna send me birthday wishes or talk to me or whatever feel free to do so! }#{ Obviously you don't have to! Just if you want to. Please don't force yourself to just because you see this post. }#{ I'm waiting for my mom to get here so we can just yabber together about me being older. }#{ MY SISTER ALSO MADE ME A PUFFY CLAY FROG WIZARD WITH A RED HAT. }#{ It's the cutest shit ever. }#{ I love it and placed it next to my Tails figure. }#{ The Magical Wizard of Soybean is what we jokingly call it. }#{ Cause I have a Yu-Gi-Oh OC named Sawyer who loves frogs and her best male friend calls her Soybean as a niclname. }#{ Anyway- back to talking to Vira on Discord. }#{ Happy 7 Month Birthday to our new dog Leia as well. }#{ We share a birthday only once this month since her birthday isn't actually in August. }#{ I gotta give her a cookie when we have cake though. }#✠ [ ' ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ʟᴇᴀᴅs ʙᴇʜɪɴᴅ ᴄʟᴏsᴇᴅ ᴅᴏᴏʀs. ' ] - ✡ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏғ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ ✡
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I will never be normal about Ox and Gordo’s relationship actually. Thinking about them makes me insane. Like imagine being abandoned by everyone you love everyone all at once they’re all dead or gone across the country or fucking banished to prison and they left you alone, ON PURPOSE, and you can’t do a damn thing about it because if you leave you abandon your home, their home, you lise what feels people you have left and is it even worth it when they left you so easily and
There’s a little kid hiding behind his fathers knees and he’s never had root beer and you watch him grow into this intense strange boy who doesn’t understand that his father isn’t coming home his father left him and god don’t you know how that feels and you watch him learn his way around a car and you remember the man who taught you who gave you a chance who listened when you said what was wrong and
He needs a job and you’re the only one who cares so you help, god, of course you help, you can’t let him or his mom lose what little they have left so you let him work for you under the table, he doesn’t need to but he demands it even though you paid off their debt as soon as he asked. It’s the money of those fuckers who abandoned you, anyway, and Ox needs it Ox and Maggie need it and
He’s everything to you he’s your son your brother your life and he’s fifteen and he’s your fucking tether, he keeps you human, and you think finally, finally you’re healing. You both had shit dads who dealt you shit cards but you’ve got each other and you don’t need anyone else and
Then they come back and it’s not for you. They come back and they don’t even speak to you.
But they speak to him. To Ox.
They need him. Just like they needed you when you were barely a teenager when your father leveled that town when he killed your mom when you had to become their witch because the pack needed it your Alpha needed it because Thomas-
But Ox chooses them, over and over. You try to make him understand that they’ll only use him and hurt him and he doesn’t care. He chooses them. The damned wolves.
Imagine the man you loved hated needed despised dies and his son makes every imaginable mistake and you follow him because he is your Alpha he needs you and you leave. You leave Ox behind and you hate yourself every day, for three years, you know how this feels you know exactly how this feels and it’s bitter in your throat because you hate him him Mark him for this choice you’ve just made and you understand and you hate it and it’s vicious and you can’t forgive him so how can you forgive yourself and
You come home and he’s not a boy anymore he’s not a kid but a man and he’s tall and strong and he’s the Alpha, somehow, and he doesn’t need you anymore.
But he forgives you. Easier than you’ve ever forgiven anyone in your life, he forgives you because he loves you and you love him and you came home.
#green creek#Oxnard Mattheson#Gordo Livingstone#I’m having a moment gang I’m just#there’s something so. I can’t even put my finger on it they’re like a mirror looking at yourself the boy abandoned and he’s you and#youre him leaving him your his dad brother friend tether pack love and you’re fucking leaving him behind and it hurts like nothing else#LIKE????#I wish there were more moments of Gordo and ox just being them#they make their fathers mistakes in different ways but they learn because you can’t break a bond like theirs#and Thomas being a common line Gordo loved Thomas so so much and he hated him so viciously#and Ox loved Thomas Thomas was his father Thomas meant everything to him and then he died left gone#and Gordo was used to that because that’s what Thomas does he abandons he leaves but Ox#Ox didn’t know even if you tried to warn him and then you left too#there’s so much gang#THERES SO KYCH TO THEM#don’t even get me started on Joe and Mark in the fuckery mix#Mark becoming Ox’s second while Gordo became Joe’s witch like like like#LIKE OX AND GORDO GRAVITATED TOWARD THE THREAD THEY HAD THE THING CONNECTING THEM TO EACH OTHER#OX TO GORDOS MATE GORDO TO OX’S#IM LOSING MY FUXKING MIND
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#hung out with one friend for the afternoon and now am about to hangout with another#turns out I do like going outside and socializing way more than I once thought#I've always known I'm a people person and enjoy being out in the world#but anxiety and depression kicked my happiness to the curb#now I'm happy and enjoying where I am and the people around me#anyways thats enough of the sappy shit go fuck yourself if you're still reading this I love you#also something something pussy something something breeding idk
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