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subconcern · 2 years

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there is a lot to be said about season 4 mike and his behavior, especially in the roller rink scene. aka in how mike reacted, both towards will and towards the bullying that happened towards jane. i don't completely agree with his actions (in terms of believing that was how he wouldve behaved), and it definitely felt a little out of character. whether that was intentional or poor writing on the duffer brothers' part depends on the direction they take his character into during season 5. but if i apply my own headcanons onto it, i can try to make sense of why acted the way he did, even if it was a little unusual for him.

if it hasn't been made clear already on this blog: i headcanon mike as homosexual homoromantic. everyone is entitled to their own interpretation. some headcanon him as bisexual biromantic, & i respect/can see that. but for me, the argument between will and mike at the roller rink (and then their makeup back at the byers house) really solidifies my interpretation.

here are a few things i've noticed about mike's behavior in this scene:

he is unfortunately paying a lot more attention to will than to jane.

they do not interact a whole lot before the argument. his body language in the airport was clearly uncomfortable (which i will get to in another post), but at the rink, mike is being smiley and playful. he mostly addresses his affections towards jane, which of course he would be, because even if he doesn't like or love her in that way they're still friends above anything else. he cracks a joke about his "vomit green" socks and briefly turns to will for acknowledgment, from whom he gets virtually none. this quickly discourages him and he turns his head, focusing back onto jane. he's embarrassed that will isn't responding the way he wanted him to.

when jane is approached by angela and her bullies, both jane and will's body languages shift. jane is obviously unsure of what to say and what angela might say to mike. angela's tone is nasty. she is being condescending the entire time. mike is excited to meet jane's friends, and for some reason doesn't 100% pick up on this behavior, even though jane is clearly nervous/uncomfortable, not as happy as she would be to see someone she's told mike is her friend. he thinks everyone's being a little weird at most, but he's still nodding along, not really paying attention the way he should be. his mind is elsewhere. he's confused when they drag jane away but he doesn't get up or take a second glance. he just looks back down into his milkshake and drinks it.

mike is not stupid. hes not always good with romantic encounters and knowing if someone likes him or not but he can tell when someone is being a jerk. his behavior here tells me he is not 100% there. if he knew that angela was being rude, he wouldn't have just let them take away jane so easily.

when will tells her she's been having trouble and they have their fight, their argument turns into something else completely. he tells will everything he has been noticing even though we've hardly seen him address will at all. according to mike, will was being a "douche." "you were rolling your eyes, you were moping, you were barely talking. you basically sabotaged the whole day." mike was talking to jane and trying to enjoy spending time with her, but in the back of his head, he was very clearly paying a lot of attention to will if he was noticing how he was 'moping' the entire time.

2. mike doesn't jump onto the rollerrink immediately to help jane.

many people (including myself) think he could've done a lot more than what he does when he sees what's going on. but here's what i note: mike goes through a thought process here. the first thing he does is examine the situation. he stands up quickly, sees how they're antagonizing jane. he's confused, and is becoming increasingly concerned for her. but then the music turns on and it becomes very very clear what this is.

mike knows jane. he doesn't always get it right when it comes to their relationship but he knows her. if the music is blasting like that and everyone's eyes are on her, screaming and laughing, she is bound to get overstimulated. he knows this. we see her overstimulation being portrayed through the camera as it does a fast blur effect around jane and everyone in the rink. everything is happening so fast. the first thing he thinks to do is stop the noise. for her sake. that is why he runs to yell at the dj. it's not a very well thought out move on his part, but it was well intentioned.

3. the argument with will turns into something else very quickly, but mike is reading it in a completely different way.

will has been very clearly stated by noah himself and in the final episodes of the show to have romantic feelings for mike. he is canonically gay. but the way he delivers the line of "what about us?" makes mike incredibly stiff and defensive almost immediately. we've seen this happen previously, specifically season 3, during the rain scene. it seems that every time will confronts mike about being a bad friend, mike gets stressed out about it in the most specific way. season 3's "it's not my fault you don't like girls," versus season 4's "we're friends. we're friends." mike is projecting. will doesn't seem to even be thinking about the situation romantically at all, even after he says this. will doesn't miss a beat in saying, "we used to be best friends." but the way mike emphasizes the fact that they're friends (which was never stated otherwise by will, and wasn't even what he meant?) feels like such a clear case of him projecting his own conflicting emotions onto will, again.

he would not have taken the statement the same if it had been dustin or lucas saying it, i can guarantee that. but for some reason, whenever will gets onto the topic of their strained friendship, mike gets very touchy. he does not know how to deal with his feelings towards will and how their dynamic has ultimately changed and has been changing. this explains the uncomfortable hug at the airport, and the way he only faintly tries to address will maybe once and is quickly embarrassed by will's lack of response and doesn't try it again, opting to just keep "ignoring him" instead.

mike also does not mention the fact that he has been trying to call will the whole time. dustin states in a later episode that the byers' line is always occupied and that mike complains about it. mike and jane's main form of communication seems to be letters. whether this is a personal or safety choice is up in the air. but if mike was supposedly only calling for jane, why is his defense to will: "maybe you should've reached out more"? if mike knew he was secretly intentionally ignoring will during their long distance friendship, he wouldn't have said anything like that at all. but he lets himself slip up on the fact that yes, he was bothered by the fact that will didn't call him much. he might've been trying this whole time every now and then, but with scarcely any luck, i don't really see him keeping up with it if he's noticing that will isn't calling him back when joyce is finally off the phone.

4. mike's unusual anger towards jane for sticking up for herself.

there are a couple reasons i can see mike getting mad at her for standing up to bullies even though he's never had a problem with it before. in season 1 when jane hurts the party's bullies, it isn't directly traceable back to her. sure, a girl with telekenetic powers made troy pee himself and broke his arm, but what adult would believe that?

in season 4, the stakes are very different. jane is trying to have a normal life now. there is still a chance, even without her powers, that the lab could find her (which they do.) mike is a chronic worrier. what jane did to angela could have been very serious. not that she didn't deserve it, but real world actions like that have real world consequences, aka, jane getting arrested. he didn't want her to get in trouble. things like that don't just go away. he knows this, and it's why he's mad. but it's not even really him being mad at her at all, just really scared for her. and when mike gets scared for the people he cares about, he gets loud and frustrated. he's a child who didn't grow up given the open tools to express himself. this is also shown in season 2, when he is angry with jim hopper for hiding jane but really just drowning in a sense of relief that she was alive and a fear of how she was living without any contact with her friends this whole life. and again, in season 3, when he gets mad at max and in turn everyone else for being "careless" with jane's powers. he's not necessarily mad at them as much as he's scared of what might happen to her if she pushes herself too far. he doesn't want to lose her.

mike has never had a problem with standing up to a bully, especially for a friend. but the fact that jane put herself in a position where she might get in serious trouble, worried him, and that worry manifested into hostility towards her, the same way he turns hostile towards will when will didn't tell him that jane has been having problems at school.

my conclusion is this: mike has always been a moody kid. it's pretty much the staple of his character. but this has always been because he doesn't know how to express himself any other way. he wasn't raised to be so open and vulnerable with his feelings. the handful of times he is vulnerable and open about how he is feeling (not just with actions but with WORDS) is when he is with jane (this is a very thin claim because even with her he really struggles to both comfort her and tell her what's really going on with him, stuttering his way through and not being direct), but especially with will.

he is open and honest with will after they have a fight. he accepts responsibility for his poor actions. he admits to will that he was scared of losing him. he doesn't do this in a sincere way with anyone else. it comes out naturally to him with will. he doesn't need to be told to apologize or what to say, he just does it. will is his safe space and he struggles without him. jane is probably second closest to his heart and he can't stand the thought of losing her again. he is moody because he's upset. because he's scared. everything is changing and he feels like he's facing it alone.

this does NOT excuse his behavior towards his friends (this is referring to jane, will, but ALSO lucas), as much as i'm trying to provide some insight on his thought process and his inner conflicts throughout season 4, seeing as we don't get a lot from his point of view at all. i'm hoping season 5 wraps up his character arc nicely, because to me, there's a lot there that he has been struggling with since season 1. whether it be his home life, his sexuality, his fear of getting older, or all three, i guess we'll have to see.

#meta.#personals dni.#if u read this i love you.

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i-only-know-fandoms · 5 years

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Doing some last minute thoughts before Cassandra's Revenge

Also making a new opening after typing to clarify this is NOT Cassandra vs Varian, one or the other. I love them both and they both deserve their friendships, love, and redemption arc. I'm not saying Cassandra should have less of what she's getting. Also, this isn't a limited amount; Varian having more of what's discussed wouldn't and shouldn't take away from the love Cass is getting from Rapunzel, which she deserves.

So I get Varian's villain/redemption arc was mainly to set Rapunzel up to better deal with Cassandra's. And I get Cassandra is a more major character story-wise than Varain, and that my love of Varian doesn't make him a more major player in this already planned out story. (You'd think I'd be used to this trend of my favorite characters not getting enough screen time and me having to survive on fanfiction and my own imagination). I get all this, and I know all this, but I'm still upset(? bitter?) over the different ways Rapunzel is dealing with the two betrayals.

Like, she's so hard on herself about Cass and wondering what she could have done differently, but had none of that over the season one period with Varian, and he was so close for her to do so (geologically speaking). Also, Varian’s downfall was more drawn out (the entire second half of the first season) giving her plenty of time to do so before he got so bad. Cass’s came from virtually nowhere (two episodes since it was the end of Rapunzeltopia when things changed for Cass. Three if you split Destinies Collide into Part One and Two).

And yes Cassandra and Rapunzel are closer friends, but she's still Varian's friend. It's like 0 effort/guilt with Varain and 100 with Cass. (I know Rapunzel wasn't really a 0 in caring for Varian but the numbers are for effect and let's face it, his number wouldn't be that high anyway. Cass is lamented after almost every episode, which is good and I get and I'd be upset if she weren't mentioned constantly. This is just comparing the two’s treatment. Also, saying Rapunzel's caring for Varian was all off-screen and between episodes is a cop out and not a valid argument. We only know what’s told or shown to us on screen, the rest is speculation, which I have plenty of and gone into in other posts. But as much as we fill in ourselves, there will always be differing opinions, like there will probably be on this post).

It's just Rapunzel doesn't go to check on Varain after the storm. Every interaction is him going to her (minus the final battle). HE sends the note, HE goes to her on the docks (which, by the way, I think her reaction is pretty telling of her lack of effort but again, that’s speculation). We don't have her worrying about him, we don't have her hoping to bring out the good in him. She basically gives up on him after he takes the sun flower. Her attempts seem lack luster in comparison. And yes, Varian's redemption is helping her with Cass, but it just seems two opposite ends of the spectrum, you know? Like, even if she wasn't trying as hard as she is now with Cass, she could have tried a little harder than she was. She tries so hard with helping strangers that there should have been more effort for Varian, her friend. Varian was 100% an optimist when we first met him, and speaking as an optimist it takes a while before you give up on someone, especially if you don't hear something they say directly to make you do so. (I made a whole other post seasons ago on the timeline of how long he was alone but again, speculation and difference of opinions).

It's just how big the contrast are that make me sad thinking about it. And Varian's redeemed and they're friends again and has even been bumped up to main character for season 3 (at least according to Wikipedia) so I don't even need to be worried about him being alone anymore! But I keep being thinking back to when he was alone and how hurt he was and how Rapunzel wasn't there for him and getting sad again. Especially because a lot of it moved quickly and certain aspects glossed over.

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perfectirishgifts · 4 years

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Best And Worst Brands Of 2020: From TikTok, The NBA, The Home Depot And Chick-fil-A...To Quibi, Facebook And The CDC

New Post has been published on https://perfectirishgifts.com/best-and-worst-brands-of-2020-from-tiktok-the-nba-the-home-depot-and-chick-fil-a-to-quibi-facebook-and-the-cdc/

Best And Worst Brands Of 2020: From TikTok, The NBA, The Home Depot And Chick-fil-A...To Quibi, Facebook And The CDC

This year was unprecedented for so many reasons. For most of us, our heads haven’t stopped spinning since March. For brands, this was a year when many discovered if they really had a purpose that anchored their place in the world and if their actions and experiences backed up their words and promises.

Deciding on brand winners and losers is always a challenge, but this year, I had some of the fiercest debates yet with my 450 Prophet colleagues, as brand performance took on so many more dimensions in 2020.

A number of brands were debated. We discussed the impact that Kobe and LeBron had on the world, while also talking about the Tiger King as the first COVID-19 bingeable show. The team gave a lot of love to the early COVID-19 responders, including Unilever, 3M, P&G, KFC, Chipotle and Ford, while giving equal props to those that took an authentic, purpose-based stand on social justice, such as Nike, The North Face, REI, Ben & Jerry’s, Glossier and J&J. The brands that helped us get through lockdown and changed the way we think of delivered meals and goods, including DoorDash, GrubHub, UberEats, Instacart and, “newcomers” Target and Walmart all received a lot of votes. Similarly, the streamers got a lot of mentions, from Netflix to Hulu to Peacock and Apple TV, as did the connectors in Zoom, WebEx, Teams and the slowly dying Skype.

Our team engaged in some serious conversations about the differences in responses that Uncle Ben’s (now Ben’s Original) versus Aunt Jemima (we are still waiting) took or about how we will collectively sustain the incredible Black Lives Matter momentum. Finally, others wondered what shape Brand USA will take in 2021 and how we will be talking about Pfizer and Moderna a year from now.

So, while dozens stood out, these seven received our highest marks:

Chick-fil-A

Florida, Brooksville, Chick-fil-A, fast food chicken restaurant, drive thru line due to Pandemic.

While COVID-19 crushed the restaurant industry, Chick-fil-A’s immediate response and quick innovations explain why it’s become the world’s third largest and most beloved quick-service restaurant. It endeared itself to its growing number of fans by doubling down on drive-thru speed, including expanded lanes, “face-to-face ordering” and “order ahead pick up.” It is crushing it with their Chick-fil-A One app and enhanced delivery options, accelerating new innovations such as meal kits and their famous sauces in grocery stores…all while still bringing “my pleasure” southern hospitality to life every day to millions.

Clorox

Hand sanitizer and Clorox sanitizing wipes sit on a table at a polling station in Miami, Florida, … [] U.S., on Tuesday, March 17, 2020. Photographer: Jayme Gershen/Bloomberg

While this brand has long soared in our Prophet Brand Relevance Index® it took on an entirely new meaning in the virus-dominated universe of 2020. As consumers clamored for reliable ways to protect their families, the brand gracefully acknowledged supply-chain problems and shortages while becoming indispensable in our lives. With smart partnerships, like United Airlines and the Cleveland Clinic, it’s using its trustworthiness to increase sales and market share.

The Home Depot

TORONTO, April 3, 2020 — People line up with a social distance to enter a Home Depot store in … [] Toronto, Canada, April 3, 2020. (Photo by Zou Zheng/Xinhua via Getty) (Xinhua/Zou Zheng via Getty Images)

This year’s WFH trends helped propel the Home Depot’s business as “Doers Got More Done.” What helped drive and accelerate this is its investment, commitment and leadership. The Home Depot continues to lead the industry in inter-connected digital experiences and e-commerce, customer service, products and pricing. Its commitment to customer and employee safety (and giving back to the community) has been second to none in the retail industry, as has its commitment to professional customers.

TikTok

Photo Illustration by Mateusz Slodkowski/SOPA Images/LightRocket via Getty Images

While TikTok was in the news for various reasons in 2020, its incredible timing met a moment when many needed ten seconds of relief from the real world. With over 100 million users in the U.S., TikTok has rapidly become part of our cultural lexicon. TikTok’s short-form viral videos, including its dance challenges and Ocean Spray “Dreams” video, took our minds off all things serious. From a niche player to mainstream media, this renegade has become so relevant that other platforms, like Instagram with its “Reels,” are racing to catch up.

The National Basketball Association

LAKE BUENA VISTA, FLORIDA – AUGUST 27: The Black Lives Matter logo is seen on an empty court as all … [] NBA playoff games. (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)

In a year of so many sports disappointments, the league, individual teams and countless players have demonstrated the best reactions to both COVID-19 and Black Lives Matter. With its bubble, the NBA showed a thoughtful, empathic balance between athletic safety and happy fans. With its unapologetic embrace of racial-justice efforts, as expressed on each player’s jersey, it’s using its stage to change the hearts and minds of its strong fanbase.

Zoom

President Barack Obama “crashes” Zoom board meeting for the Greater Chicago Food Depository.

Love it. Hate it. It doesn’t matter. Triple-digit gains prove Zoom found new relevance in wildly diverse audiences, from COVID-19 stranded senior citizens to energetic preschoolers. If you didn’t know what a virtual background was or used the words “you’re on mute, Scott,” you certainly do now. With a ridiculous stock price and valuation, continuous new features and updates through Zapps (a suite of apps integrated into Zoom), as well as fun innovations like video filters, Zoom will continue to be an integral part of our lives for years to come.

Peloton

This workout-from-home brand started the year by offending an entire gender with its tone-deaf holiday ad. (Note to husbands: It’s inadvisable to tell your wife to work out more.) But as gyms around the world shut down, it understood that it had a unique opportunity to make family-room workouts an integral part of people’s health and wellness. With bikes, treadmills and increasingly appealing subscription offers (90 days free for all), Peloton hit on all cylinders in 2020.

And the brands that disappointed us the most:

Uncle Ben’s, Aunt Jemima and Land O’Lakes

LONDON: A customer’s hand taking a packet of Uncle Ben’s rice. The brand is to change the image of a … [] black farmer and could also be forced to change its name, as a reaction to a backlash over racial injustice.

While all of these storied brands announced they were making changes, it took a full-on social uprising for Mars Foods, PepsiCo and Land O’Lakes to address their decades-old history of racist brand imagery. All have done the right things in starting to address the issue. Uncle Ben has given way to Ben’s Original Rice, for example, and Land O’ Lakes has removed the Native American woman from its logo. But none have explained why it took them so long.

Boeing

The Boeing 737 MAX will take another key step in its comeback to commercial travel on December 2, … [] 2020 by attempting to reassure the public with a test flight by American Airlines conducted for the news media.

Even as the nearly two-year grounding of Boeing 737 Max comes to an end and the company moves to again sells its planes, we saw plenty to disappoint us. Not only did the safety oversights and mismanagement result in tragedies in 2018 and 2019, but it also cost as much as $25 billion. And now, it has to sell the canceled planes to airlines at steep discounts, a blow to shareholders and what was once one of the most admired names in U.S. manufacturing. COVID-19 is continuing Boeing’s misery, with global air travel falling 66 percent.

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control

CDC Logo

In what should have been the least controversial voice in American public health, CDC leadership allowed politics to drag it away from its central aim. It bumbled COVID-19 testing. Early on, it offered vague and contradictory guidance on masks. And while it certainly isn’t entirely to blame for the epidemic of misinformation sweeping the U.S., it didn’t do enough to stop it.

Facebook

(Photo illustration by Jakub Porzycki/NurPhoto via Getty Images)

Even in an industry rife with possible villains, Facebook still manages to wind up on the wrong side of history in just about everything. As a repeat offender from our 2018 list, Facebook’s role in misinformation regarding the pandemic, vaccinations and elections continued to make it harder and harder to trust the brand. Adding insult to injury, after dealing with a much deserved summer boycott, Facebook now faces a major lawsuit with the Federal Trade Commission (and 40 states) arguing it’s time to break this company up.

Quibi

People wearing masks walk past an advertisement for Quibi in a subway Station on October 22, 2020 in … [] New York City. On October 21st, Quibi’s founders announced it was shutting down its service after only six months of operation.

It could have sparked a content revolution. But Quibi, specializing in short-form content “chapters” of less than 10 minutes, failed spectacularly. In a world with fewer commuters, the idea just wasn’t compelling. Of the $1.75 billion it raised, it is returning just $350 million to investors. But we do think chief executive Meg Whitman deserves praise for pulling the plug at six months, instead of torturing both investors and the few viewers leveraging its platform.

What do you think of our list? Who would you add? Add your thoughts to the comments below.

Keep your eye out for Prophet‘s Brand Relevance Index – launching early 2021.

From CMO Network in Perfectirishgifts

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ladyhistorypod · 4 years

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Episode 6: Ask Santa to Bring a Vote for Mother

Sources:

Mabel Ping-Hua Lee

National Parks Service

National Women’s History Museum

Further Reading: Women’s Vote 100, 18 Million Rising

Delilah Beasley

California State University Northridge (CSUN)

New York Times

Huntington Library

Ohio History

KQED

Ida B. Wells

History Channel

National Women’s History Museum

National Parks Service

Black Past

New York Times

Chicago History Encyclopedia

Washington Post (Alana definitely did NOT cry while reading it)

Further Reading on race and suffrage: NPR

Attributions:

Dooley’s Address

“Your mother’s gone away to join the army”

Cheering Crowd

Click below for a full transcript of the episode!

Lexi: I started my internship at the Air and Space museum,

Haley: Woohoo!

Lexi: and the first day I am there, we have a live chat with a WASP expert who talks about Jackie Cochran and how Jackie Cochran might have been a racist. And I was like, there’s new layers to this story. And I know it sounds weird but I'm thrilled that this person might have been a racist but I'm just always interested to learn new things about people that I have known things about.

Haley: No I love when these stories come out and people are adding like the actual history part of it.

Lexi: the context, the history, the actual person’s views because we often just like glorify a figure.

Haley: And that’s a lot with the suffragists. This topic has it.

Lexi: But it's just so interesting because we often glorify these people. We can't accept that she did really awesome things by getting women into the Air Force but also did really shitty things by making sure Black women didn't get into the Air Force. So.

Haley: Yes. Exactly.

Lexi: But she did let in Asian women. There were apparently two Chinese American WASPs. I also learned that.

Haley: On a side note, can we– if we get reviews can we like read the reviews?

Alana: You wanna do a segment where we read reviews?

Haley: Like every week being like– because we can do that as like our banter if we can't– and be like “our weekly review is…”

Lexi: Listener shout out. Here’s a review.

Haley: This person.

Lexi: Yeah.

Haley: Yeah

[INTRO MUSIC]

Alana: Hello and welcome to Lady History, the good the bad and the ugly ladies you missed in history class. Coming to you virtually from my closet turned podcasting studio is Lexi. Lexi, if you were a single issue voter, what issue would that be?

Lexi: Probably bird– bird care, bird health, bird ability to exist, bird ownership.

Alana: Are you a birds’ rights activist?

Lexi: I am a bird rights activist.

Alana: And her face is partially hidden by my clothes but Haley, aka a Sprinklebear McPuss-n-Boots, is here too. Sprinklebear McPuss-n-Boots, it’s been two weeks since we last recorded and we already did one episode tonight, did ya think I’d forget?

Haley: I really was hoping you would forget. I did. I kind of– I keep forgetting it’s Sprinkle McPuss-n-Boots. I keep thinking it’s Sparkle or something. But like once in a while that’ll creep into my mind.

Alana (laughing): Lexi is losing her shit.

Lexi: Please contact us and direct your message to Haley using this title, please.

Alana: To Sprinklebear McPuss-n-Boots. And I’m Alana and please, god, register to vote.

Haley: My registering to vote has not happened yet because of the god damn DMV. And it makes me so mad.

Alana: I'm still registered in California. I haven’t switched.

Haley: I’m registered in New York.

Alana: But I might be moving in January, so…

Haley: Back to California?

Alana: No, in with Lexi. Hopefully. We haven’t talked about that.

Lexi: We’ll see.

Alana: We’ll see.

Lexi (stammering): GW?

Alana: That’s the dream.

Lexi: But, um…

Alana: GW has to let me into school first.

Lexi: Yeah.

Alana: Okay, who's going first that's not me?

Lexi: Mabel Ping-Hua Lee was born in Guangzhou, China on October 7, 1897 so shout outs to her upcoming one hundred and twenty third birthday. Can we get some happy birthdays for my girl?

Alana: Happy birthday in the chat.

Haley: Happy birthday.

Lexi: Happy birthdaaay. I don't know how to say Happy Birthday in Chinese because, as is a common theme on this show, none of us speak Chinese, as you may know, as you may have knowledge of. But anyway. When Mabel was four, her father, a pastor, moved to the United States to work as a missionary and Mabel stayed with her mother in China. At the age of nine, Mabel earned a special scholarship which was called the Boxer Indemnity Scholarship. I'm unsure why it is called that. That scholarship she received, and it allowed her to obtain a visa and move to the United States, to go to school in the United States. And in 1905 her entire family relocated to New York City's Chinatown so that Mabel could pursue her education in America. There is no direct record of how Mabel got involved in the suffrage movement, but it is clear that through being a young, educated woman living in New York City, she was able to participate in activities being led by local suffragists. And then, Mabel was beginning to become a leader in the movement in her own right. In 1912, Mabel helped manage a parade for suffrage and she rode horseback; she helped direct the marchers from the parade starting point at Greenwich Village. Historical accounts suggest at least ten thousand spectators witnessed the parade which she led. Her participation in the suffrage movement led to another accomplishment: she was featured in the New York Tribune and The New York Times as a teen activist and icon of New York’s suffrage movement. That same year, Mabel started school at Barnard College, a women's school founded because Colombia was a men's only university at the time. She decided to major in history and philosophy. In college, Mabel joined the Chinese American student association and wrote for the Chinese students’ monthly paper. Her essays, such as “The Meaning of Woman Suffrage,” supported her fight for women's rights. In 1915, Mabel gave a speech for the Women's Political Union and was again featured in The New York Times her speech was called “The Submerged Half” and focused on the gender divide in the Chinese American community. She urged Chinese Americans to educate their daughters and allow women to participate in civic life. In 1917, women in New York earned the right to vote in their state. In 1920, some women were given the federal right to vote with the passing of the 19th amendment, but many women, including Mabel, still could not vote. Mabel, like many other Chinese Americans, longed for citizenship and voting rights, but they could not obtain either. They were restricted from gaining citizenship through the 1882 Chinese Exclusion Act. Mabel would have to keep fighting in order to obtain her right to vote. After finishing her undergraduate degree, Mabel earned her MA from Columbia's Teachers’ College and she later earned her PhD in economics, also from Columbia. She was the first Chinese woman to earn a PhD in economics. She also published her thesis “The Economic History of China.” Shortly after Mabel finished her doctorate, her father passed away. Mabel decided to take over his role as a church leader, becoming the director of the first Chinese Baptist Church of New York City. She also founded New York City's Chinese Christian Community Center, which offered courses in English and vocational skills to newly immigrated Chinese Americans. The center also provided health care and child care to the Chinese community. The Chinese Exclusion Act was repealed December 17, 1943, sixty one years after it was first enacted. The repeal of this act meant Chinese Americans could become citizens, and in doing so, earn the right to vote. Mabel passed away in 1966. No record of Mabel becoming a US citizen or exercising her right to vote exists. Scholars remain unsure if the girl who fought to retain the right to vote for so many other women ever even voted herself.

Haley: Wow. I love her. I know her from…

Alana: That’s really interesting.

Haley: I know her… Where do I know her from? Oh! A history book in high school. She was like briefly mentioned. And I get into this kind of like my background and women's suffragists that she's mentioned, then never again. And that that happened so many times in high school to so many different women. They just plop their name in, but not give like a history? Like I only knew Susan B. Anthony, and I thought Susan B. Anthony in my head did everything of the suffragist, or suffrage movement, as it was explained.

Lexi: I actually think it's really amazing your high school book mentioned her because currently, as of 2020, no K-12 education standard in the United States mentions an Asian American woman by name. So...

Haley: So let me… maybe it wasn't a book– let me rephrase this. My junior year American history high school class I remember her name coming up.

Lexi: That’s just pretty impressive that your teacher included something that was off of the course standards because–

Haley: She was a rad lady.

HALEY’S STORY STARTS

Alana: Alright Haley, go for it.

Haley: So my gal today is Delilah Beasley. So born in Cincinnati, Ohio on September 9, 1876. She was mainly the kind of known as an Oakland gal. Shout out to the American Bookbinders Museum in San Francisco. That was my summer internship. I'm finishing, actually my internship up right now and she's one of the people I had to research for our exhibit that's online now but will be in like our gallery hall. And it's celebrating “Celebrating the 19th Amendment, Suffragists in Print” because it’s a printing museum. She’s from Ohio, but she's known in like the Oakland, Bay Area so she's a local gal, for our museum. And I loved like researching the local gals knowing that I wouldn't be in San Francisco all that long. But also it was really cool if you guys look on the actual exhibit– go, again, plug– the American Bookbinders Museum “Celebrating the 19th Amendment,” we have like maps of San Francisco and where all like the printing presses from like the suffragist movement were at and like I've been to that street! Like I know exactly that building, I've been at the like Jamba Juice or the Starbucks or the Gap that’s right there. So that's very super cool. So back to Delilah. She is known as a writer, columnist, activist, suffragist, and just overall an incredible human being. Before I want to highlight that, being a Black woman, Delilah Beasley is often overlooked when discussing women's right to vote and the suffragist movement. In her early life, she attended a segregated Cincinnati public school and by the age of twelve she had begun to write and publish short social notices in the local Black newspapers and some White newspapers such as the Cleveland Gazette and Cincinnati Enquirer. She continued to write at the young age, published in high school, and spent time learning about journalism by working for the Colored Catholic Tribune. In the 1880s– so again she was a teenager– her parents died and her siblings were separated. She had to leave her life of journalism and to be employed as a maid. As a maid, she also held so many different jobs and I couldn't figure out if she specifically was a maid and then left the job, or just had three jobs at one time. I wouldn't be surprised if she had three, four– as many jobs as she needed to sustain herself and her sibling. But some of those jobs included her being a hairdresser, hydrotherapy, medical gymnastics, massage therapy, nursing– and she never let go of that ideal dream of being in journalism. In her spare time, she would be researching Black history and becoming part of the thriving women's movement, especially within Black women and social groups. Some years later, she enrolled in history courses and began training herself in historical researching by visiting various libraries, diving into those archives that us as museum gals know and love, and conducting oral interviews with older Black residents and I believe there was one, but it could have been many– this article that I read noted one in particular about their personal experiences as a Black person growing up and living in the United States. And again this is late 1800s, early 1900s. She spent several years examining California newspapers between the 1840s and 1910s, both Black and White, at UC Berkeley's Bancroft Library. I believe that's still the university library today. She soon began lecturing on Black history and eventually published articles in the Oakland Tribune and the Oakland Sunshine. After nine years of intense research on Black history, Beasley published “The Negro Trail Blazers of California” which was all about Black pioneers who had largely been left out of history books, and the stories dated back to the early Spanish exploration of the United States. And honestly I did not hear about this book in history class. So, yes this is fantastic that this was published and was circulated, but our school system needs to do better and actually incorporate this rather than gloss over it. I’m gonna just say it; I'm gonna put it out there. In 1923, she started her own column “Activities Among Negroes” in the Oakland Tribune. She wanted to use her voice to highlight the achievements of Black Americans, support Black dignity and rights, raise awareness, and overall encourage forward movements towards building space for equality to blossom. And let's just put on another note: we still need to do a lot of work. Black lives matter. She would also travel to different newspapers and– major ones and small ones, the gambit– in the peak of newspapers and the suffragist movement to try to convince the editors to stop using racial language. And honestly I can just imagine her walking in with her own column and her own work being like “I did it, look at this. We don't use bad words. We aren��t offensive. If I can do it, you can do it. Let's all try.” Like she was very encouraging of… this is not saying this is wrong which, it is wrong, let's be clear about that, but more showing the right way to do it; putting it into a more positive perspective which, honestly, it's negative. Don't use that harmful language in your writing. Bottom line. Over the next two decades, Beasley would also serve as an active member of the NAACP, the Alameda County League of Women Voters, the National Association of Colored Women, and just so many different active groups for suffragists, women's education, Black women movement, Black lives, just in general. She's also the president of the Far Western Inter-Radical Committee at the Oakland Museum, which side note, this is a very inclusive museum. Like snaps to them; they are just amazing at getting their community as Oakland involved, just the community as the Bay Area involved, trying to be as diverse as possible. It's definitely on the bucket list of Bay Area museums and I was supposed to go the week after it closed for Covid, which is really depressing because I had two free tickets from one of my classes. We just got them from like a speaker. She came in with vouchers and was like “here are vouchers that I have” and I was like “I want that.” Anyway, I digress. Delilah Beasley continued writing her column “Activities Among Negroes” until her death in 1934. She's buried in Oakland, and I even did like the find my grave so that's available out there. Be respectful if you look it up and go. And I just want to leave you all with something she wrote which I think resonates with what we've been talking about as suffragist movement, recent months with Black Lives Matter, just like Delilah Beasley in general, truly just please go Google her; such an inspiring human. ““My life plus others make a peer to move the world. I, therefore, pledge my life to the living world of brotherhood and mutual understanding between the races.” Like, so simple. That's what I really kind of admired of her, and everything I had to write about her for the exhibit and just own research for this podcast going back. She was never a person– and this is seen in the suffragist movement– of you're wrong, I'm right.

Lexi: When I worked at the Smithsonian Libraries and was working on an American women's history project, she was on our short list of women who were being considered to be featured, but unfortunately didn't make the final cut.

Haley: There's a New York Times, I believe for my– look at the show notes everyone, don't quote me because I don't have my notes in front.

Alana: Lady history pod dot tumblr dot com.

Alana: So there is like– I'm looking at my notes, there is a New York Times I used, the Huntington Library and Art Museum. But for just even I usually type in Delilah Beasley museum. I do that for all my women. I see where they came up in museums. That also connects you to like history sources. National Park Service, libraries… and like I couldn't find like bios about her. It was more they were showcasing specifically Black women and suffragist movement or women's rights. Which is not bad.

Lexi: Well the library– the library was going to consider her because they had some of copies of the stuff she wrote. So–

Haley: Oh, that’s amazing.

Lexi: I think she comes up a lot in like how you found about her from a print type–

Haley: Yeah.

Lexi: I think she comes up in like books and writing based places.

Haley: That is definitely one hundred percent true.

Alana: Okay, so, I will be talking about Ida Bell Wells, or Ida B. Wells, her middle name and her last name rhyme and when she gets married actually which is really interesting is she doesn't change her last name she doesn't take her husband's last name. Which if your middle name and your last name rhymed, I would not… I would not change my last name either. Her name is Ida Bell Wells. So she was born in Holly Springs, Mississippi on July 16, 1862 into slavery, right at the height of the Civil War. She's the oldest of eight children and then after the war her parents became very politically active, like in Reconstruction Era, especially her father helps start Rust College which is a historically Black college in Holly Springs, it's still around today. And that is where Ida went for early schooling. And eventually she was may be expelled? I couldn't find anything to back that up but somewhere was like oh she got kicked out for starting some shit with the dean or something and I was like I don't see this anywhere else but interesting, okay? In 1878, she is sixteen years old and her parents and her youngest brother died of Yellow Fever. So she lied about her age to take a teaching job. She convinced the school in Holly Springs that she was eighteen and so she could teach and that's how she is supporting her… her siblings, was by teaching. And just like, becoming a parent essentially. And then in the 1880s she finds another teaching job in Memphis, Tennessee and she moves up to there. Fun anecdote: in 1887, she bought a first class train ticket but was removed because she's Black and segregation and so they wanted to like force her into the smoking car and she refused because she was like “hello, I bought a first class ticket you're gonna put me in the first class car. That's what I paid for. Capitalism.” So when she refused, she was kicked off. She might have bitten someone. She might have bit the guy who removed her. Maybe. I hope she did.

Lexi: People were doing it long before Rosa Parks, I’m just saying. Before buses existed.

Alana: Before buses existed and we were biting people. (laughing) Rosa Parks up your game, maybe bite someone. (more laughing)

Haley: We don’t condone biting–

Alana: We don’t condone biting.

Haley: –on this podcast. Please, do not–

Lexi: I personally condone biting racists, but okay.

Haley: Okay like bite racists.

Alana: Biting racists is fine, but also keep your mask on so maybe not right now for the biting racists?

Lexi: Actually yeah. Right now no biting.

Haley: Also, when you bite people, like why do you want their skin…

Lexi: You don’t want their germs.

Haley: ...on you. Just don't bite people. Punch them maybe? Like if they're being bad bad people like don't go, don't–

Lexi: But the human jaw is a powerful tool.

Alana: It’s true!

(Lexi laughing)

Alana: Anyway, (laughing), so, regardless of whether or not she bit someone, which is my favorite thing in the whole world, she sued the railroad for making her leave, essentially.

Lexi: Even better than the biting. Sue the racists.

Alana: Even better than that: she won. Haley’s face is just like “what?” And I’m like yeah! She won. She won five hundred dollars, and I didn't really feel like doing that conversion from 1887 money to 2020 money but it's probably a lot. Unfortunately, later the Supreme Court overturned it. Like the railroad– it appealed, and appealed and appealed and the Supreme Court overturned it and Ida was forced to pay court fees, so I guess that's where the five hundred dollars went. But that's really– something that's really cool.

Lexi: Wait I just checked. It's thirteen thousand dollars.

Alana: It's thirteen thousand dollars? That's so much money. Okay. It's not that much money but it's so much money.

Haley: I would gladly take thirteen thousand dollars. That's a lot of money.

Alana: After being a teacher for a while, she's starting to publish articles about race issues under the name Iola I-O-L-A in Black newspapers and periodicals. Especially like as a teacher she talks a lot about segregation in schools and how this is like not good for the kiddos. This separate but equal that's bullshit everything sucks. And this launches her journalism career. She ends up owning shares of the Memphis Free Speech and Headlight and Memphis Free Speech, which are Black owned kind of newspapers in Memphis at the time. In 1892, she turns her attention to covering lynchings after her friend Tom Moss and his business partners were murdered because their grocery store was taking customers away from the White grocery store. And so she publishes this pamphlet called “Southern Horrors.” And that's all I'm gonna say about her investigations of lynchings because this is a fun podcast, and that's a little dark, and I think only one trigger warning episode per ten episodes, and we just about a couple weeks ago. So no. After she's calling all this attention to lynchings, she had to– she's run out of Memphis. She has to leave. And she moves to Chicago, and from Chicago, after fleeing Memphis she writes: “If this work can contribute in any way towards proving this, and at the same time arouse the conscience of the American people to demand for justice to every citizen and punishment by law for the lawless, I shall feel I have done my race a service. Other considerations are minor.” Which I just think is very poignant that like, yes you ran me out of my home but if this is what fixes it, so be it. After moving to Chicago, this is where she begins to gain international notoriety, and found some organizations. She travels around the world talking to the suffragists and criticizing them for not talking about lynchings and just being like, “Hi. This is cool, what are you doing for Black women? What are you doing for people of color? What's your deal? Tell me. Why aren't you thinking about this?” And in 1894, she establishes the British Anti-Lynching Society and comes back and settled back in Chicago. This is just like all of her really cool organizations that she's founded. In 1896, she becomes a founding member of the National Association of Colored Women. She brought her anti-lynching campaign to the White House in 1898 to President McKinley and demanded reforms. I don't think anything happened, but she did go to the White House to demand reforms so that's cool. In 1909, she was at the first meeting of an organization that would later become the NAACP, but she's not listed officially as a founding member possibly because they weren't like action based enough for her at the beginning. She wanted like real action in their mission statements and they didn't say anything about that. So on January thirtieth, and I'm only bringing up the exact date do you guys wanna guess why the date January thirtieth might be important to me.

Lexi: Because it's your birthday.

Alana: It is my birthday, you win as friends. So January 30, 1913 she founds the Alpha Suffrage Club, and they play a pivotal role as soon as that June when they get on the Illinois Equal Suffrage Act passed. They play a pivotal role in 1915 in getting Chicago's first Black alderman elected and his name is Oscar DePriest. Ida and several of her Alpha Suffrage Club members are invited to the 1913 Suffrage Parade in Washington DC, but the organizers were worried about offending the Southerners and so they make the Black women and the women of color march at the back. And Ida is pissed, and she won't march with them until the White contingent is past her and then she joins the parade. Which, cool? But also you're still marching at the back? I don't really understand what point that you were trying to prove? I don't know. But okay, cool. Just a little bit of the boring stuff, this is actually the most boring part about her is I'm talk about her husband and her children. Super boring. In 1895, after returning from England she married a man named Ferdinand Barnett who was an attorney and a fellow activist and they had four children. And Ida did not take his name, which was extremely odd for the time, and still not like as big a thing in 2020. It's gaining traction, but it's not like the norm. Another interesting thing about their relationship is that he did the cooking and the cleaning and made dinner for their children almost every night.

Lexi: You said this was gonna be boring! I’m not bored I’m interested!

Alana: This is how cool this lady is– is that even the most boring shit about her is super interesting. His activism and his law career kind of took a backseat while he was raising these children and she was going out and just being a political activist and all around badass. I mean– and he's like at home with their kids, which I think is really cool. In her final years, she was kind of fading from popularity and influence but she still worked on urban reform, especially mass incarceration was something that she was really involved in and– and actively… like that was her cause. She switched from– once women like got the right to vote she was like okay cool, sort of, for now. Let's talk about mass incarceration.

Lexi: We're still talking about it today.

Alana: We're still talking about it today. Nothing changes. Nothing changes. That's a bad– I'm going last, that's a bad note to end this podca– this episode on but… nothing changes.

Haley: Change is gradual and slow.

Alana: Change is gradual and slow. That's true. So the last few years of her life she actually becomes a probation officer and works like with these people who have been mass incarcerated and like rehabilitating them sort of. In 1930, she ran for Illinois State Senate and lost horribly, but she still ran. That's pretty cool, like she is not… Women running for office is not new, which I think is really interesting. At the age of sixty eight in 1931, she died of kidney disease. And I just feel like she was doing so much good all the way until the end, that it's very moving. There is now a– we all lived in DC for a while– there is a mosaic of her at Union Station in DC. And the mosaic is made of other suffragists and their posters and their propaganda… and no comment as to whether or not I cried reading The Washington Post article about it. No comment. I will not be taking questions at this time.

Lexi: One of my coworkers, her friend worked on the exhibition and she was able to get a poster of the pos– of the floor and it's in her house now.

Alana: That's so cool. I– I did cry. If that wasn’t obvious, I was reading about it and I cried.

Haley: Go vote. Please. Do everything in your power to vote in this pandemic.

Lexi: Visit vote dot org. Register yourself, to vote, get voting information. Go check out how to vote locally, use a mail-in ballot if you are in an area where you don't think it is safe for you to go to the polls. If you can get to the polls, get to them. Wear a mask to vote. Be safe!

Alana: There are also areas that you can sign up to be a poll worker.

Haley: Yes.

Lexi: Yes!!!

Alana: Which is what I'm doing. I have signed up for that because–

Haley: I love that.

Alana: –a lot of them are paid, and I have no money. Despite being a professional podcaster I have no money. And it's just like a way to do good in your community, especially in like underserved communities.

Lexi: So yes, get to the polls. Help your friends get to the polls.

Alana: Make sure your friends are registered to vote. Register to vote.Vote early.

Haley: Also just raise awareness. If voting is something difficult for you, like for me I might not even be able to get like a write in ballot because I will be moving and then in quarantine to go vote. It is still unknown. DMV is not handling it well for me. But like I’m still spreading the awareness of voting. Spread the history of how women, Black people, other people of color, other countries, even, getting their right to vote. It's helpful knowledge as a U. S. citizen.

Lexi: And remember some people in America who even are citizens cannot vote, so…

Haley: Exactly.

Lexi: Use your right to vote so you can do it for them who can't.

Alana: So the two websites that you should go to in addition to our show notes are power to the polls dot org– I think it’s dot org– and vote dot org to check your registration.

Lexi: And if neither of those work for you, dude, there are so many other websites out there. Find the one that works for you, get the information you need, figure out how your state and your local community handles all this.

Alana: People I feel like are like “it's a right to vote.” And yes it's a right to vote, but also it's your responsibility. I think if you can it's your responsibility.

Haley: And voting matters. Like your vote matters. I know a lot of people will even say recently that your vote doesn't count– absentee ballot doesn't like matter. No, it matters. Come on. Our electoral college is very screwy and needs a lot of work. Just our whole system needs a lot of work, but regardless, voting is important.

Lexi: Okay.

Alana: And we have to vote out the fascist. Lexi, you can decide whether or not to keep that in. But vote out the fascist. It’s the last chance we have.

Lexi: I am sure people can already assess our political opinions based on the topic of our podcast.

Alana: People can guess.

Speaker 1: And the fact that we’re archaeologists. And out of work.

Lexi: You can find this podcast on Twitter and Instagram at LadyHistoryPod. Our show notes and a transcript of this episode will be on lady history pod dot tumblr dot com. If you like the show, leave us a review or tell your friends, and if you don't like the show keep yourself.

Alana: Our logo is by Alexia Ibarra, you can find her on Instagram and Twitter at LexiBDraws. Our theme music is by me, GarageBand, and Amelia Earhart. Lexi is doing the editing. You will not see us, and we will not see you, but you will hear us, Next time, on Lady History. Go fucking vote.

[OUTRO MUSIC]

Haley: Next week on lady history it'll be raining men. Psych. I'll be reining in my urge to sing and we will be talking about some fabulous queens.

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aeori-o · 5 years

Text

So long 2019!

I usually try and get these up December 31st not January 1st but, really, it’s 24 hours apart, does it really matter?

End of a year! And end of a decade!

I usually go over my yearly reading first. I wanted to get the “bad” out of the way first this time. This year I continued to stagnate creatively. I haven’t drawn anything since Qelvi back in January of 2018. I have written but mostly in role-plays with Vin and the other stuff I haven’t tracked very well. I don’t know how to track it in a way that’s clear and also easy to remember.

In the past my goals going into the new year have always been along the line of “do a little of [thing] every day” and that is super not working for me. So this year I’m going to try and change it up. For writing all I want to do is a five minute, free-flow, unplanned just-put-pen-to-paper-and-write based off a prompt. That should be do-able as there’s no pressure of it having to be connected to a larger work. There’s no planning and thus no pressure except to take five minutes and do it. I think in the past I’ve tried to do that in addition to x amount of words or pages per day. I’m just gonna scale it back and see if I can get myself to do the bare minimum consistently and see where that goes.

As for drawing. Ideally I’d like to do a little bit every day so I can actually get better at it, but as that’s been my goal for the last several years and I have not done it even a little bit these past two years I’m going to change my goals for drawing up, as well. Instead of trying to do anything consistently I’m just going to make it my goal to do one drawing a month. That’s it. I don’t need to show it to anyone, or post it, or whatever. Just one drawing I can consider “complete” every month. Complete doesn’t need to be polished I just don’t want to do nothing again and this seems do-able. We’ll see how it turns out at the end of the year.

Reading! My goal was to read 100 books this year and then I got sucked into playing Fortnite halfway through the year and basically read nothing in May. I read as much as I did last year, so I’m not torn up about the amount I read, but just once I do want to read 100 books in a year. (Not counting graphic novels, because I read through them too quickly and it doesn’t feel the same as reading a novel). So next year will be attempt number 2 at reading 100 in a year because I don’t think I should give up after not meeting it once. Life happens, sometimes we play more video games than we should, I still read 78-book-books and 63 graphic novels. For a total of 141 books. Which is pretty good, I can’t be upset at that number.

Part of my goal for 100 books this year, too, will be to slim down my at-home to-be-read pile, which is currently taking up seven shelves and must be stopped. I say this but I already have five more books on hold at the library. Whoops.

Here’s everything I read this year that I inputted into goodreads:

My one hour a day reading calendar (this year I started trying to add dots for every book completed on the day of completion, but I think I missed days, gonna do that some more this year, too, I like it):

And my goodreads badge:

2019 was a pretty wild year, there were some unexpected and costly hiccups. One of my cats went missing for a week; the other got struvite crystals and his bladder nearly exploded; My ancient AV receiver kicked it and on top of those things being expensive there was a whole thing where the new one seemed to be messing up my TV, it was a time; I got rear-ended on the freeway which thankfully didn’t wind up costing me anything except for a lot of stress, some minor pain, and over two weeks without a vehicle. None of these turned out to be that bad, in the end, and thankfully spread out enough that I didn’t just expire from stress.

There was a lot of good this year, too. I got to bring my partner skiing for the first time ever, and for my first time in a very long time (I don’t know when the last time I went skiing was, back when I was in highschool maybe?). I expanded my plushie collection by A Lot this year. I have cute eevee plushes, and some really soft pillow plushes now, and beeb got me a little corsola who I would Die for.

I’ve been more involved with pokemon go. I technically found the group I play with at the end of 2018 (right at the end, it was in December during the community weekend and someone from the group saw me doing circles hitting the same pokestops over and over and was like “hey… wanna join our group?”), but 2019 was the first full year with them. It’s been really nice to reliably be able to get stronger/rarer pokemon and just have a general sense of community. It’s neat because it’s not like I’m close friends with any of these people, but they’re all good people and I like seeing them. I know virtually nothing about any of them, but still, it’s nice.

I also got super into stickers this year (I blame you, beeb) and since my laptop only has so much room I’ve taken to adding stickers to my car. I don’t want to go overboard but I love all the ones I’ve added so far and now that my bumper looks better than new I think my car looks pretty slick.

I started keeping a video-game journal at the beginning of this year, which has been really satisfying and I’m going to keep doing it. I always struggle to remember how much time I sink into games and what happens in this games. Being able to flip through and see all of what I played, when I played it, and what was going on is interesting.

Also got a new phone this year. I didn’t get the latest and greatest but usually when I’ve needed a new phone due to a previous one being busted I have found myself inheriting whatever phone someone else doesn’t want (for the most part). This is the first phone I’ve gone out of my way to get because mine was just not performing well and I have no regrets.

I have a huge issue with upgrading to a new device when my old ones are perfectly serviceable. For instance: the computer I am writing this on is twelve years old. It’s slow but it works for what I need. This computer isn’t even from the past decade, which is pretty wild to me. In thinking about the past decade this computer has been through it all with me.

I guess I’m moving onto the decade now. I was just thinking that this computer still has msn/wlm on it. There’s a dedicated button on my keyboard for it. I hit it and I can see the last icon I ever used on there (I used to change icons constantly, which is a thing I do not do anywhere anymore), as well as the theme I had in place. Absolutely wild. In the last decade(ish) we all abandoned msn/wlm, got skype, abandoned skype when it became a bloated, ad-filled disaster, and got onto telegram, discord, and the dms of various social media websites. (Which I suck at using as if I’m a person three times my age.) In 2010 we were on the iPhone 4 and basically every android sucked, now we’re on the iPhone 11 and androids are a viable option for a phone. Console generations are slower and mess with my perception of time. In the last decade we’ve only gone up one console generation which feels weirdly slow but then when I contemplate any company releasing a new console I inevitably feel it hasn’t been nearly long enough.

On a more personal note, I definitely cannot remember even most of the things that have happened in the last decade. I know I’ve read about five hundred books (closer to six hundred including graphic novels) because I’ve been tracking that since 2011. I’ve been tracking what I read for about a decade.

Left is books by year, middle is graphic novels by year, and right is the total of both.

I became decent at excel in the past few years. I went from not understanding this program at all to trying to find excuses to use it. I used to track all my reading in a notepad document, it looked like this:

As you can see: I only switched over in 2017. And it used to be a total pain because I would have to count all of the dates by hand. Hope I didn’t miscount. Then I’d be looking at my goodreads count and trying to figure out if that made sense against my personal count because I also didn’t count graphic novels as book-books back then and would sometimes mark them on goodreads. So I’d have to figure out how many I had inputted to goodreads to then make sure the two counts reconciled. It was a total nightmare. Now the computer counts for me.

And the reason I even became interested in excel is because of DnD which I have also gotten into in the last decade. It’s one of those things I had always been interested in but had no way to play or had false starts. A group came together a few years ago and we did some of the most fun, fulfilling, and emotional group-role-playing I have ever experienced. Our group has kind of disbanded now, and I’m trying to work on a campaign myself, but our first campaign is definitely one of the things I really cherish from the past few years. It’s definitely a highlight of the decade.

Speaking of meaningful role-plays. I got with my partner in the last decade, too. I’d feel weird getting all gushy about them here, but we’ve been doing written role-plays since before we figured out that we were a thing. They’re a constant source of inspiration to me and the things we create together are some of my favourite things in the world. At times there have been lulls between the things we make that really grab both of us, but this past year we started an AU of some of our characters and I think it’s safe to say we’re both in love with our little creation. Roach Squad is definitely the highlight of 2019 and I suspect it will continue to be the highlight of 2020. I don’t think we’ll be as aggressively into them by the time 2030 rolls around, but our original boys have persisted for the better part of the last decade (the Boys have been a thing since 2013 and we are still enjoying them, so I don’t doubt Roach Squad will persist, as well, but I imagine the next decade will give us a third group that we’re consumed with).

I’ve lost some friends in the past decade, and made some new, but find I don’t have the time to stay caught up with as many people as I used to. That used to be a thing I was good at. Toward the beginning of this decade, I’d regularly keep-up with at least a dozen people (by which I mean: talking to them daily). Now that number is at… maybe three or four people who I interact with daily (not counting group chats of which there is one). But if you’re reading this and we haven’t spoken in a while (“a while” could be years, honestly) and nothing really happened we just sort of stopped talking or hanging out: I still care about you. I hope your 2019 was more good than bad and that you have nice things to look back on in the last decade. Also hit me up, if you want to.

Overall I think the last decade has been pretty good. I’m thankful for all the good times with friends I’ve been able to have, all the sushi eaten and talks on long car rides. I’m thankful for the help I’ve gotten with housing and car situations that would have been outrageously stressful if I’d been dealing with them on my own. I’m thankful for all the creative people I’ve been able to meet and interact with, all the character ideas and moments we’ve shared through written role-plays, tabletop role-plays, and art.

I hope the next decade can be as socially and creatively fulfilling as the last!

And at the end here, because I never do this and then I always look back and go “what even were my goals” I’m going to make a handy list of goals-discussed:

Draw one thing a month

Write for five minutes every day from an unplanned prompt

Read 100 books and continue with my one hour a day reading

Get my DnD campaign off the ground and keep it going (I don’t think I explicitly mentioned this above, but it’s a goal this year)

#new year get better do better

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professorpalmarosa · 6 years

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Flame Fatale - Malva, Team Flare

For my play-through of Pokémon Y, Malva was repeatedly one of my favorite parts. From the first time she showed up and gave me lip about defeating “big bad Team Flare” in Pokémon League HQ to her pretty much telling me to fuck off at Hotel Richissimme in Xerosic’s post-game arc, I couldn’t get enough of her. She made me giggle profusely, just because it’s been ages since any Pokémon character threw that much sass in my direction.

I miss you, Professor Rowan. Please come back in a Sinnoh remake.

One of the main reasons I keep coming back to the Battle Chateau in Pokemon Y is just so I can kick Malva’s ass again and get called a wicked little trainer. I love her. Well…her game version, anyway. She was alright in the anime, but homegirl went overboard in the manga.

I mean, who on earth thinks it’s okay to chain a grunt up in a dungeon somewhere and beat him senseless for failing a mission? She’s downright adversarial toward Diantha, unnecessarily rude toward poor Xerosic, thirsty as a dehydrated Spheal toward Lysandre, and struts her stuff as though she’s the first lady of Team Flare!

Oh…wait. That’s exactly what she is, isn’t it? I take everything back. Ha ha!

When designing a bath bomb for Malva, it had to smell just as beautiful as it looked. I wanted the water to turn as vibrant pink as her hair, but surround me in a sea of potent aphrodisiacs. The end result is a blend of some well-known amorous boosters (sandalwood, ylang ylang, jasmine, blood orange) with some lesser-known libido boosters (vetiver, osmanthus). All of this partnered up with end notes of patchouli and lavandin grosso makes for an experience like no other.

So light a few candles, grab a naughty book, heat that bath water up until you can barely stand it, and bathe like a queen. You deserve it.

Now it’s time to talk about the pros and cons of these oils from a safety perspective…

Aromatherapy isn’t just about pretty smells and scented bath water. Essential oils are in such a high concentration that even absorbing them through your skin can leave you with the therapeutic (and potentially toxic) benefits.

If you are allergic to a plant, you are 100% without question going to be super allergic to the essential oil.

There’s also such a thing as contraindications: where some oils may affect you in weird ways if you have a certain medical condition or take certain medications.

The information below is for your safety if you want to attempt to make this blend at home (as a bath bomb, a body spray, or even scented bath salts). And do be sure to wear gloves. Some of these oils (especially the Balsam of Peru) have recommended dilution rates as small as 0.4%. You don’t want that to slide on bare skin!

Indian Sandalwood Essential Oil (20% of Synergy)

Sandalwood has a warm, woody scent and is very popular in men’s soaps, colognes, cosmetics, and incense. In certain parts of the world, it is also popular as a flavoring for foods and drinks. It’s a very dense wood, so it’s also very popular for wood carving.

Note: I received my Indian Sandalwood as a gift from a friend who was on a business trip. If you are going to attempt to make this blend at home, I recommend buying Australian Sandalwood as it is way more ethically and sustainably sourced.

Pros:

In traditional Ayurvedic medicine, Sandalwood Essential Oil can be used as an antiseptic and astringent. It can also be mixed into pastes to soothe inflamed, itchy, or flaky skin.

Bugs also hate Sandalwood, especially lice and mites.

Additionally, Sandalwood is one of the best aphrodisiac essential oils you can purchase. There’s a reason a lot of men’s cologne uses this wonderful wood as a main ingredient!

Cons: Although Indian Sandalwood is considered to be a universally safe essential oil, people with very sensitive skin have reported an increased risk for temporary inflammation. This is also not a cat-safe essential oil.

Vetiver Essential Oil (15% of Synergy)

Vetiver has a unique smell. By itself, it reminds me of marsh grass minus the stench of pluff mud. It’s like tall long stalks of grass with a cool, crisp undernote. It’s a lesser-known aphrodisiac, but can also help put you to sleep if you’re finding it hard to drift off to dreamland.

Pros:

Reduce the damage of nerve and circulatory problems! Vetiver can be inhaled to ease your sore joints and muscles.

Have a slow period? Vetiver can help bring it back to a regular cycle!

Reduce stress and anxiety! In fact, Vetiver’s considered so effective for this that people will diffuse it during times of emotional trauma, grief, and shock.

Fight insomnia! Vetiver is a natural sleep aid and very effective. However, its sedative properties are so strong that you might want to avoid using Vetiver in the morning or if you intend to drive or operate heavy machinery. Pull this oil out right before bed or at least once you’re in for the night. It’s worked for me!

Repel lice and other unwanted insects! In the summertime in Charlotte, we sometimes get these nasty giant cockroaches called “Palmetto Bugs.” Since my old house was in a wooded suburb, the bugs were unavoidable and you’d get about 3 or 4 in your house per summer. On days I’ve diffused Vetiver Essential Oil, I didn’t see so much as a fly in the house!

Cons:

Vetiver Essential Oil is an emmenagogue (can be used to start a period) and some people use it as an intentional abortifacent. If you are pregnant, intend to become pregnant, or nursing; do NOT use Vetiver Essential Oil.

Lavandin (10% of Synergy)

Lavandin Grosso is not a naturally-occurring plant. It is a man-made Lavender cousin to better regulate the lavender scent in the perfume industry. You’ll find that on average, Lavandin Essential Oil is cheaper than Lavender. They share a lot of therapeutic benefits, but aren’t the same thing.

Pros:

Lavender (Lavandula angustifolia or Lavandula latifolia) is perhaps the most versatile essential oil out there, as it pairs with virtually everything. It has a slew of therapeutic benefits, while Lavandin has much fewer.

That said, what Lavandin does do, it does really, really well. It has a stronger, and slightly more camphorous smell. Just one strong whiff will clear out your nasal passage. It’s intense, sharp, and in-your-face…in a good way!

Cons:

Due to its high camphor content, Lavandin is not safe to diffuse around cats or dogs.

Although rare, some people experience allergic reactions to Lavender and Lavandin. If you experience difficulty breathing, a closed throat, a swollen tongue, puffy lips, or hives; discontinue use and seek help from a physician immediately.

At higher concentrations, Lavandin may cause drowsiness. If you need to drive, operate heavy machinery, or need to concentrate at work, don’t diffuse or apply this oil.

When combined with alcohol, Lavandin can increase drowsiness. Exercise caution while drinking.

When combined with some antidepressants, alcohol, antihistamines, sedatives, anxiety medications, pain relievers, muscle relaxants, or seizure medications, Lavandin may increase the effect of those drugs. If you’re on a medication that may also cause drowsiness, don’t use Lavandin Essential Oil or this bath bomb.

Jasmine Absolute (8% of Synergy)

Jasmine Absolute is one of the most costly, expensive, marked up oils you can potentially buy. This is because it takes 3.6 million flowers just to make one pound of Jasmine Absolute Oil.

There are several artificial fragrance oils for the scent (which you can purchase at places like Brambleberry and Whole Foods) that are only a fraction of the cost, but have none of the benefits. This is one of the safest, but also most useful, oils on the aromatherapy market and the scent truly is unforgettable.

Despite the cost, I actually do have the real deal in this bath bomb because I bought some Jasmine Absolute in Hong Kong!

Pros:

It’s a very potent aphrodisiac! Mix this oil with some Blood Orange and Ylang Ylang, and prepare to have a steamy, passionate night of love-making. Not only does the scent carry some seductive qualities, but Jasmine Absolute can be used to aid with sexual problems like impotence and premature ejaculation.

Restore your dry or dehydrated skin to its natural radiance! Dry skin, dehydrated skin, eczema, or dermatitis can be treated with Jasmine Absolute. However, it’s important to note that you should not apply Jasmine Absolute to open wounds.

Regulate your menstruation or labor pains! Jasmine Absolute is a strong emmenagogue, which means it stimulates menses. This can be used to speed up a period that hasn’t yet arrived, as well as reduce cramping by having more material flush out of your uterus at once. Some studies indicate that it can be beneficial during childbirth, as it strengthens contractions and promotes breast milk flow.

Treat spasms! Coughs, cramps, and muscle spasms don’t stand a chance against Jasmine Absolute.

Banish negativity and boost your spirit! The smell of jasmine brings with it feelings of joy, positivity, and confidence. Emotions like guilt, shame, stress, and grief melt away; leaving you with a calm, peaceful mind that’s ready to take on anything.

Cons:

Jasmine Absolute Oil is considered to be universally safe, non-sensitizing, non-toxic, and a non-irritant (though my sister gets migraines from the artificial fragrance oil). That said, do not use the oil if you are pregnant or breastfeeding.

You should also never orally ingest an essential oil. Put Jasmine Absolute in a diffuser or on your skin with a carrier oil. Just remember to use it in moderation as going overboard might interfere with your concentration by “relaxing” you a little too much.

Blood Orange (12% of Synergy)

There’s a large and vast variety of orange essential oils out there, but most fall into two categories: those derived from the Seville bitter orange (Neroli, Petitgrain, etc.), and those derived from the sweet orange (Sweet Orange, Tangerine, Mandarin, Blood Orange, etc.).

Out of the sweet orange oils I have, the Blood Orange has the strongest and juiciest scent. If you love oranges, Blood Orange is something you’ll want to get for yourself. It smells fantastic!

Pros: The peel of sweet orange varieties (which includes Blood Orange) can be used to increase your appetite, reduce phlegm in your nose and lungs, treat coughs and colds, calm down asthma, reduce intestinal gas, settle indigestion, treat kidney stones, lower cholesterol, regulate blood pressure, and reduce the risk of stroke.

Some research even indicates that Blood Orange Essential Oil can help with prostate cancer and cancerous breast sores.

One other super cool thing about Blood Orange is that it’s listed as an aphrodisiac oil. Spritz yourself with a little and have yourself a grand time!

Cons:

Due to its high limonene content, Blood Orange is not safe to diffuse around a cat. Your dog should be fine, but cats lack a liver enzyme that helps them break down this chemical. It can create a toxic buildup and make them very, very sick.

Although Blood Orange is perfectly safe for adults, do not use the essential oil with babies or children under the age of 6.

If you are taking any of the below medications, do not use this essential oil:

Celiprolol (Celicard)

Ivermectin

Pravastatin (Pravachol)

If you are taking any of the below medications, exercise caution when using this essential oil:

Quinolone antibiotics such as Ciprofloxacin (Cipro), Enoxacin (Penetrex), Gatifloxacin (Tequin), Levofloxacin (Levaquin), Lomefloxacin (Maxaquin), Moxifloxacin (Avelox), Norfloxacin (Noroxin), Ofloxacin (Floxin), and Trovafloxacin (Trovan).

Fenofenadine (Allegra)

Medications moved by pumps in cells (P-Glycoprotein substrates) such as Etoposide, Paclitaxel, Vinblastine, Vincristine, Vindesine, Ketoconazole, Itraconazole, Amprenavir, Indinavir, Nelfinavir, Saquinavir, Cimetidine, Ranitidine, Diltiazem, Verapamil, Corticosteroids, Erythromycin, Cisapride (Propulsid), Fexofenadine (Allegra), Cyclosporine, Loperamide (Imodium), Quinidine, and others.

Ylang Ylang III (12% of Synergy)

Ylang Ylang is a powerhouse oil for those who want to get a good night’s sleep, keep their hair looking beautiful, or just want to spice up the bedroom. It’s one of the strongest floral oils and can cost a pretty penny!

A good Ylang Ylang will make you want to close your eyes and pretend you’re running through a Victorian greenhouse. A bad Ylang Ylang will smell like pool water.

I’m not exactly new to the rodeo. I bought the good stuff.

Pros:

Fight insomnia! Ylang Ylang is a natural sleep aid and very effective. However, its sedative properties are so strong that you might want to avoid using Ylang Ylang in the morning or if you intend to drive or operate heavy machinery. Pull this oil out right before bed or at least once you’re in for the night. It’s worked for me!

Repel head lice! Ylang Ylang can be used in a combination spray to repel and even kill head lice. Developing evidence suggests that a homeopathic blend of coconut oil, anise oil, and ylang ylang oil had a 92% effectiveness rate on killing those unwanted creepy crawlies in children’s hair.

Lower high blood pressure!

Increase your sex drive! Ylang Ylang is a natural aphrodisiac and has been used for millennia for that exact purpose. There’s a reason this flower is also known as the King of the Flowers!

Cons:

Ylang Ylang Essential Oil is considered to be universally safe for general use. However, it is not safe to diffuse around a cat.

Ylang Ylang Essential Oil is a very potent sedative. Do not use this oil in higher concentrations if you plan to drink alcohol, take melatonin pills, or are taking any sort of sleep aid.

Patchouli Leaf Essential Oil (13% of Synergy)

If you aren’t familiar with the smell of patchouli, stoner shops tend to burn it as incense to hide the smell of cannabis. It’s spicy, smoky, and very distinct. It blends with a lot of different oils and is one of the few that actually grows stronger with age!

Patchouli Essential Oil has a familiar smell. This scent was a favorite among the Hippie Counterculture of the 1960s and we still associate it with stoners and smokers today. It covers the scent of marijuana and blends wonderfully with so many things. It’s actually my grandmother’s favorite essential oil!

It has a slight peppery aroma and is also the key ingredient in my favorite Lush fragrance (Lord of Misrule).

Pros:

Aside from being the quintessential pot deodorizer, patchouli oil is also used as medicine for colds, tumors, headaches, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and abdominal pain.

Also, if you’re an alcoholic and suffer from chronic bad breath, patchouli oil can be used to hide the smell.

I also love the fact it can be used to increase your libido!

Cons:

Patchouli Leaf Essential Oil is generally considered to be safe, but is best avoided if you suffer from asthma. We found that one out the hard way in my family.

Osmanthus Absolute (10% of Synergy)

Despite my best efforts to convince my favorite essential oil distributor that they really need to up their game and add Osmanthus to their product line (even as just an Oil of the Month), they have yet to do so. As a result, it’s a royal pain in the ass to locate it without breaking the bank.

Good Osmanthus absolute can run you at about $90 to $200 for a tiny bottle, so I took my chances with a lower quality oil I refuse to diffuse because it’s chunky. My sister has smelled the real deal and says it smells legit, so that’s close enough.

I don’t know too much about the pros and cons of this oil, other than the certified aromatherapist I spoke with at Plant Therapy said it’s considered “universally safe.” Whatever that means. Still, it’s best to be on the safe side and dilute it if you’re going to put it on your skin.

#Flame Fatale #Team Flare Bath Bomb #Malva #Skye makes bath bombs #Professor Palmarosa #ProfessorPalmarosa

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ryouverua · 6 years

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DRV3 Liveblog Masterlist (Chapter 4)

100 years later -

Chapter 1 is here! Chapter 2 is here! Chapter 3 is here!

Also I’ve put some of the asks in here with a * marking them off, but there were so many in the end that I ended up making a special tag for them, so you can check those out if you want here: drv3 ask

Chapter 4 Introduction:

asks: 1 2 3

Return of the Wasabi bae

Chapter 4 Daily Life (1):

Breakfast of Champions

Cryptic Stone

Insect Meet-n-Greet PTSD

Kokichi is crossing Tsumugi’s stream

New motive? Aaaaand it’s gone

Who are you, Kokichi Ouma?

Shuichi gets recognition but Gonta...

Stop looking at the girl’s bathroom Shuichi

PLEASE LOVE ME K1-B0

What is the Ultimate Academy?

Tenko...

Himiko, uh -

Shuichi gets sued

My Girlfriend is So Fucking Weird

The Kiiruma is strong in this one

Ultimate Robot Lab

Himiko’s Day Training

emotional rollercoaster - ****

oh that’s why I like Kiyo *****

Stages of Processing Korekiyo Shinguuji

Korekiyo...

Angie...

Architecture Appreciation

Trying to understand Korekiyo *

Cosplayer’s Lab 1 / 2

Jealous of Tsumugi’s lab >3>

4th floor commentary

DETECTIVE’S LAB!!!

Someone protect Himiko for Tenko’s sake

Flashback Light! Flashback Light!

Gonta is spiralling

A Killer Detective...

Discovering Oumota

Tsumugi’s FTEs cut me deep *

Tsumugi Shirogane FTE 2

someone please stop the monokubs

Gonta in the night

My notes / Kokichi’s antagonism

KOREKIYO’S UNDERWEAR... INCONCEIVABLE

Training x Training - 1 / 2

Love Key #5 - Kaito Momota

Maki follow-up

Disaster Breakfast / Checking up on Kokichi

Travelling back in time - Chapter 1:

Dark-face Kokichi sprite / Follow-up

Momomatsu 1 / 2

And now back to your previously schedule programming (Chapter 4):

Death flags, death flags everywhere

Tsumugi Free Time - 3 / 4

and none for Kokichi Ouma. Bye!

Tsumugi is a robophobe

Can this even be called training anymore

Thoughts on Maki *

A bit of love for Tsumugi *

Holy Mother of Perspective Change

Monokuma Theatre

My guess at what Tenko’s Love Hotel scene is

Kaito’s Day-training (Part 1)

Good people like bugs

Himiko loves her soaps

An Ultimately Uneventful Breakfast

Denouement of Katana (Part 2)

Tsumugi - Free Time #5

Who is Kokichi trying to entertain?

K1-b0 is absolutely jealous of that giant computer (Kiiruma)

SOMEONE!! HELP!! GONTA!!

Kaito’s smile!!!

Kaito - Free Time #2

Nighttime Escapades

Onto the Computer Room

Foreplay

Monotaro’s family

Classmates React: Shuichi Saihara the Masochist

Miu and Co’s Stimulating Virtual Adventures (Part 1)

Miu and Co’s Stimulating Virtual Adventures - Climax (Part 2)

Chapter 4 Killing Life (1):

The robot’s being sassy with me!

Did Himiko just stage an intervention?!?!

that’s humanphobic

Shuichi the Scapegoat *

Scrum Debate: Saiouma vs Saimota

Investigation 1 / 2

Travelling Back in Time - Chapter 4 Daily Life (2)

Gonta Gokuhara - Free Time #1

Gonta of Happiness

Alternative option - Gonta’s FTE 1

Love Key #7 - Tsumugi Shirogane

Gonta Gokuhara - Free Time #2

Tsumugi has ruined Gonta with references

Talking down to/about Gonta *

Gonta Gokuhara - Free Time #3

Gonta Gokuhara - Free Time #4

Shuichi and I share the same birthday... and temperament.... andbloodtype and mannerisms and -

Shuichi and I have a gambling problem

Gonta Gokuhara - Free Time #5

Kaito-splaining

Kaito Momota - Free Time #3 / Kaito’s flaws *

Gonta = Buff Mokuba *

Love Key #8 - Gonta Gokuhara

Kaito Momota - Free Time #4

looking back on my love key journey

Kaito Momota - Free Time #5

Saimota and Sun/Moon/Earth comparisons *

SOMEONE CHECK ON KAITO

Kokichi Ouma - Free Time #3

Miu Iruma - Free Time #2

Chapter 4 Killing Life (2):

r u okay monokuma

Kaito and Kokichi are actually children

Trial: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4

Cool text screenshots from the trial

Pre-Execution

Post-Execution

Chapter 4 Illustrations

#Danganronpa v3 #Danganronpa v3 liveblog #ndrv3 #DRV3 liveblog masterlist #Ryou plays drv3 #Liveblog Masterlist #long post

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nebuchadnezzar · 2 years

Text

Not tagging this because I’m not trying to start shit but I hard disagree with certain mobile otome game companies telling people not to post full CGs or artwork on social media.

(I’m going to guess that this is an unpopular opinion, but it’s an opinion of mine and I know the flaws in my thinking. However, I stand by my opinions because I see the rules / policies as absurd and unreasonable.)

I’m especially salty in this instance because of how thoroughly monetised the game is; there isn’t a single aspect that is untouched by microtransactions. The battle system ultimately runs on gacha and events that usually require microtransactions if you want to obtain good cards. There are also over 10 LIs in this game, and some types of gacha include all the LIs, along with filler cards, so your chances for obtaining a specific character are greatly reduced. A similar problem exists for the kuji. You have so many LIs and multiple categories of prizes, but they don’t break up the gacha / kuji to make it easier for people to obtain items they want. They’d love for you to spend absurd amounts of money, as is any good company in a capitalist society.

There are so many events and different types of gacha one after another. I remember doing something like 100 draws just to get a single character card and I never got it. People say vote with your wallet, so you may argue that it’s my fault for putting money into said company’s pockets, and it’s true. But the game does nothing to help out people even when they are actively supporting the company by paying / playing along with their ridiculous systems. 30 35 draws in this game costs almost $150 $90 for me (note: angry math is bad math). How many times do they expect me to draw gamble without getting salty? I’ve played other gacha games that have more generous pity systems, like getting to actually pick a specific card after usually 30-50 draws. None exist for this game, outside of one particular gacha event.

We all have limited resources. The company is going to make more than I ever fucking do and I have no moral objections to helping out other fans who want specific content but don’t have the means to obtain it. I would gladly translate stories or events, or share artwork of cards that I spent money to obtain.

I know what I signed up for, and again, it’s not about me not wanting to support the company. I have done so with more money than I should’ve spent. This is a fundamental disagreement on my part with broader systems of monetisation, microtransactions, and virtual gambling, and said company is a particular egregious example of all three. I generally respect rules and requests but this is one instance where I disagree deeply.

I understand if people want spoiler tags for CGs if they don’t want the stories spoiled for them. But I don’t buy any excuses when it comes to gacha cards. WRT gacha cards, it’s pretty obvious to me that they want people to gamble until they get the pixels they want. So if you want to play by the rules I do respect that. I just don’t respect the company and its policies and clearly there’s zero incentive for them to change. I know they will likely never revamp the monetisation in this game so until I quit, I doubt I’m going to stop giving (some aspects) the middle finger.

#rant #salt #otome game salt

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dexthedragon · 6 years

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pokémon let’s go eevee - some unfocused rambling thoughts (long)

so, pokémon let's go, from the perspective of someone that's played at least two games of every mainline pokémon generation so far.

long post after the jump

first thing's first: i cannot play the game how i would like to play it. while in docked mode, you are limited to one single joy con only, or the poké ball plus. none of these options feel quite right to me, either due to weird feeling menu navigation plus throwing with my non-dominant hand (joy-con l), weird feeling overworld movement (joy-con r), or an incredibly tiny analogue stick, having to re-orientate the controller a lot, and not being able to do various things because of a lack of buttons (poké ball plus). the throw direction is sometimes related to how i threw the ball and sometimes it isn't. in handheld mode, it basically feels like BOTW; movement is where it should be, menu navigation is where it should be, catch by making big adjustments with the stick and smaller adjustments with the gyro controls. it's easier, it's more precise my preference would be to play docked using the handheld control scheme with the pro controller, but that's not an option

so, it's a streamlined remake of yellow with a few minor twists along the way - e.g. your rival explicitly isn't Blue, the Bike Shop no longer sells bikes, there's a much greater focus on Cubone during the Pokémon Tower segment.

first the good: it is nice finally seeing the series be freed from the restrictions of 3DS graphics - while still staying faithful with things like trainers making their original weird start of battle poses. kanto feels much bigger and more alive than it did before. the change to be able to see pokemon on the overworld map and catch just the ones you want is really nice, and is something that i do hope makes it into gen 8. the catch mechanics also mean less running back to the pokemon centre because you've run out of PP. one of Oak's aides just casually gives you the IV checker function around Diglett's Cave. some of the twists are kind of interesting. you can dress up your eevee in cute outfits and give it some fun overpowered special moves. the music is some of the absolute best renditions of these melodies, surpassing even the anime's versions. HMs are still gone.

and now the bad: for all the streamlining, it feels a lot slower than it should. i turn off battle animations in every pokémon game where that's possible (and i would recommend doing so here as they're incredibly underwhelming - even if they're another retro throwback, battle revolution still leads the series in this respect), but battles still feel sluggish. the overworld takes longer to run round in (as above, there's no bike), everything takes longer to level up. i'm pretty sure that in yellow itself, i would be further than silph co. at the 8hr mark. it's easier in ways that discourage exploration and experimentation. when you come out of pokémon tower, you see a cutscene of jessie and james saying that they're going to the rocket game corner in celadon city - and sure, where you go after lavender town wasn't clear in the original games, but they could say the "rocket hideout in celadon city" so that you'd still need to look around the city for it. you can't get into brock's gym unless you have a grass or water type pokemon, even though eevee, nidoran, and presumably pikachu would all learn double kick by that point. i've heard that one of the later gyms needs 50 pokémon caught so you can't do a low catch run. at the same time, your partner eevee can basically solo pretty much anything other than some gym leaders and snorlax, which you have to fight as a regular wild Pokémon battle with a 5min time limit (Snorlax would be easy if it didn't have rest). being fair, this is true of a lot of starters, but at least they normally change and evolve as time goes on. held items and abilities have been removed - and combined with gen 1's limited pokemon selection, this means a lot of rby's balance problems are back - though at least more moves are available for enemy trainers to use. (i also would imagine this makes some mega evolutions significantly worse once you get to that point in the game - mega kangaskhan without the ability that makes mega kangaskhan good, for example) you're not completing the pokédex without either a friend that owns the other version (and makes the other choices re: fossils* and hitmon-), or being an avid go player. there's no breeding (despite eggs being in go), there's no GTS, there's no Pokémon Stadium 1 Gym Leader Castle that gives you some of the unique gift Pokémon, so in the case of the fossils* specifically you need to trade yours for your friend's before you evolve it and then trade back so you can both complete things. the lack of GTS in particular feels like a big regression in this respect - i also suspect the battle spot might be gone. even if you are an avid go player, you need to re-catch everything that you transfer from Go - and it's not like Pal Park where you're given special 100% chance Poké Balls only for that area, you need to use your regular supply. transfer 50 high level pokémon and you could be there for hours - and go transfer captures seem to give less XP than regular wild captures if you're like me, you've seen kanto at least four times (rby, gsc, frlg, hgss), plus possibly an additional two for the virtual console releases. some of the details have changed, but you're going to hit fundamentally the same locations and the same plot beats, and the VC releases weren't that long ago. in comparison to spyro, it's been a much longer time since i last re-visited those games, and reignited gave me a much greater sense of "oh, it's this bit! i loved/hated/had repressed memories of this!" - while with kanto, i always know exactly where i need to go and roughly what spawns where, even if let's go makes a few alterations to give some things earlier.

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so yeah, so far, at least, i'd struggle to recommend it if you're a longterm player, look up a differences video on youtube or something.

* note: i haven't been past fuschia yet, so maybe the fossils are catchable in the wild but i doubt it

#pokemon #pokemon let's go #let's go

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thelovingschool · 3 years

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The Fantastic Four to the Fourth Power, Part 1

I've recently finished Doris Kearns Goodwin's excellent book, Leadership in Turbulent Times, in which she details the ways in which four US presidents served as leaders through pivotal historical moments. I reaffirmed my admiration for Abraham Lincoln, as Goodwin discusses his push to make the Emancipation Proclamation a reality. I was invigorated by the way in which Teddy Roosevelt used the executive branch of government to benefit the citizens of the northeast USA during the Coal Miners' Strike of 1902. I gained new appreciation, wonder, and awe in the way that Franklin Delano Roosevelt led the country during his first 100 days in office in the middle of the Great Depression. I came to greatly respect the legislative leadership of Lyndon Johnson as he pushed the most dramatic and beneficial domestic agenda, his Great Society, including the landmark Civil Rights Act of 1965. Whatever else Johnson may have done or not done, particularly as it relates to foreign policy and the Vietnam War, his impact on the lives of the citizens in the USA cannot be discredited.

Reading about these four presidents as they grew up, faced challenges ranging from losing elections to losing family members to losing the ability to walk, and ultimately served in the highest office of the nation to great effect was a wonderful experience. I was struck by the common themes that ran through all four of the presidents' leadership challenges. Synthesizing the lessons learned from all presidents, it seems that a leader during turbulent times must:

Have a clear sense of purpose

Adapt along the way to achieving that purpose

Build a solidly functioning team

Pay attention to messaging and timing

Build in time for yourself

Having a clear sense of purpose -- In the summer of 2020, three amazing principals, Sanee Bell, Brian McCann, and Beth Houf gave a phenomenal webinar as part of the virtual National Principals Conference. Beth shared a story of her superintendent bringing the principals in her district together at the beginning of the pandemic and asking them all to spend some time thinking about their purpose, their "why" before sharing them as a group. (Beth's "why" was maintaining relationships with students.) Other leaders have focused on the importance of having a clear purpose, including and especially Baruti Kafele. As we've all learned, what was true before the pandemic only has become exaggerated during the pandemic, and so the need for a clearly defined sense of purpose is truly vital now. My "why" during the pandemic has been to ensure that the teachers with whom I'm lucky enough to work are supported with what they need to be as effective as possible given the challenges of the pandemic.

Be adaptive along the way -- As I've already written, I am a student of philosophy as well. One of my favorite professors, Father Joe Flanagan, was a huge Socrates' fan, and every college freshman can tell you that Socrates is famous for noting how little he knew. In order to achieve your purpose, it's important to accept that we don't have all of the answers, and we will need to continually learn and grow as we work toward our goals. I have personally learned a great deal from the work of Ron Heifetz as he discusses Adaptive Leadership. Without going into another book report (I want to save that for another post), in order to be an adaptive leader, one must understand that the leadership challenge you're facing is not simple to fix, and will require a great deal of learning. Back to that webinar at NPC20, Sanee discussed how even the simple question "how are you?" carries new meaning during the pandemic. If you're going to ask that question, you need to be prepared that you might not get a quick response back. It might even be the start of a very long conversation, and that is OK. We as leaders will need to spend time maintaining those relationships empathetically throughout the pandemic.

Similarly, I realized that while I work hard to build positive culture in my school, supporting teachers during this pandemic is something I simply didn't know how to do. I'm very fortunate to be taking a course through ASCD on supporting educator mental health. The lessons I'm learning have been immediately applicable with the team at our school. Adapting along the way means sometimes changing tactics based on new information, but if you aren't seeking out that new information you won't be able to get where you're going.

Build a solid team -- It goes without saying that none of us can do our jobs alone anymore. None of us ever really could before, either. In The Long Distance Leader, summarized here, authors Kevin Eikenberry and Wayne Turmel talk about the important of relying on your team and supporting your team throughout the times when you won't physically be together. The principal I currently work with centered his entry plan three years ago on creating and maintaining a strong divisional leadership team, and he has taught me so much over the course of our partnership. While pandemic economic circumstances have meant our partnership is to come to an end in a couple of months, I am headed to my own first principalship this August, and I feel extremely fortunate. When I asked the Head of School at my future school what he is proudest of (this is his first year there), he said that had he been able to create a leadership team from his 30 years of experience in international schools, he couldn't have created a better team than the one he inherited. That is exactly the kind of joyful, strengths-based, empowering, and collaborative leader I want to work with, and knowing that he shared that information in front of members of the leadership team shows that he is willing to give credit and appreciate his team.

I heard Ben Zander, the conductor of the Boston Philharmonic, share his insight about leading, that people come to the symphony to hear music, and yet he as conductor is the only member of the orchestra who doesn't make a sound. We as leaders are strengthened by the strengths of our team. We know from the extensive literature out there and our own experience how important it is to have trust on a team, and I'll simply relate something one of my own teammates once said at a previous school about our grade-level team of teachers: "We know each other, so we like each other, so we support each other as we work together."

Messaging Matters -- I can't say it any better than Will Parker does in his book, which my partner principal and I have been learning from all year. Similarly, I loved hearing Joe Sanfelippo at the NPC in Boston in 2019 talk about the importance of shaping the narrative about education, because unless we as school leaders shape the narrative, others are going to fill in the blanks with a negative story. For me, the best example of positive storytelling about school comes from Brian McCann. His article in the latest Principal Leadership magazine is one more example of the ways in which Brian models not just for his teachers, but for the larger professional learning community to which he belongs. In fact, utilizing Brian's idea of Positive Sign Thursday is one of the factors that enabled me to land my next job, so I'm extremely appreciative. The point in all of these examples is of course a lesson that Lincoln knew 160 years ago, that it is through story that we can best communicate our purpose. It's not always easy, finding the balance between too much communication and too little, between being optimistically realistic as opposed to toxically positive, but if we as leaders aren't attending to messaging, we'll lose our chance to build a positive culture.

As an example, we committed to maintaining contact with our families during this school year and having the chance to get feedback from them at least once a month. We did extensive work in August, had a check in virtual town hall during September, and had individual and small group conferences with teachers and students in October. Things were going well. But, as November came along and fatigue set in, we stopped being as intentional about meeting systematically with our parent body, and by the time January rolled around we started to receive emails that were letting us know that we weren't opening up a space for all voices in the community to be heard, and that was leading to speculation and unrest. We're still very fortunate to have a caring community that share ideas in respectful ways, and we have since re-instituted those intentional communication systems at a minimum monthly, and are therefore back to where we had been, but the lesson around the intentionality of messaging is well learned.

As the above example illustrates, timing matters as well. The presidents often had to be wise about when to act and when not to act, when to send messages and when to not send messages. I think of the West Wing episode when President Bartlet's team discusses sending out unpleasant news on Friday afternoons, or "the trash" because no one reads the news on Saturday mornings. Or I think of how fantastic it has been to be able to, just within the last couple of years, schedule emails to be sent at certain times. Of course there are times that I am working late into the evening, but I would feel terrible in the past when I would send out an email at 10 p.m. and get an immediate response from a teacher. There are studies out there that emails received at 6 a.m. are most likely to be read, and my guess is emails received at 10 p.m. are most likely to make you think your principal is a jerk!

Time and Space for Yourself -- Thinking about the presidents, Lincoln would go to the theater or read comedy aloud, Teddy Roosevelt would take strenuous walks, FDR collected stamps. Only Lyndon Johnson had no real outlet activity, and I wonder, if he had been better at taking care of himself throughout his presidency, might he have attended to foreign policy better. Few topics have gotten more press in the educational world lately than self-care for educators, and this is a focus area in the ASCD course I'm taking as well. I am also fortunate to be a part of a group of school leaders that gather for virtual instructional "rounds" periodically, organized by a former professor at Lehigh, Jon Drescher. Self-care came up at the most recent Rounds I attended, and to be honest I find this so difficult. "If we are always working from home, and we're always home, aren't we always working?" was the question I posed, and I have had real trouble answering this. Heifetz and Linsky talk about anchoring yourself by having a confidant to talk with and a sanctuary, be it a ritual, an activity, or a place to disconnect from the demands of the job.

This was especially challenging for me in 2020, as I know it was for many of us, as the hours spent on screens and away from my normal rituals of walking and playing the piano were disrupted by the sheer demands on the job. I've gained thirty pounds in the past year, and I physically don't feel like myself. More importantly, emotionally I have struggled at times. I have been exploring different ways to recover, and like Lincoln I find comedy is helpful. If I can get in a good laugh before bed I sleep better, whether that's watching old clips of Robin Williams doing standup or Netflixing Seinfeld's Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. At this point I'll try anything and everything so that I can begin, now that the pandemic is hopefully turning a corner, to feel like myself again.

Part of feeling like myself again is the ability to create something, to produce, based on one of my favorite activities: reading! It's been a joyful experience reading the Goodwin book and the Heifetz/Linsky book, and trying to apply the lessons learned from both to my current role and point in my career. My next post will combine another of my great loves, Harry Potter. Stay tuned to find out which president fits in which house; Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw! Thanks for reading.

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dipulb3 · 4 years

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Dr. Sanjay Gupta: The slow road back to normal starts with a first step

New Post has been published on https://appradab.com/dr-sanjay-gupta-the-slow-road-back-to-normal-starts-with-a-first-step/

Dr. Sanjay Gupta: The slow road back to normal starts with a first step

One of the biggest sources of stress — other than the very real fear of having someone we love get sick with Covid-19, or coming down with it ourselves — is keeping our distance from friends and loved ones. It’s becoming increasingly clear that the isolation we have all endured has taken a remarkable toll.

It’s a theme I hear from Appradab readers, viewers and listeners all the time: When am I going to be able to see my grandchildren, my elderly father, my sister and her family? Most everybody has somebody they long to hug, to hold close and see in person.

My family, too, counts itself in that category: We haven’t seen my parents — my children’s grandparents — for more than a year. And, like so many other families around the country, we can’t wait to have a family reunion. So, as I have done so many times this past year, I pulled out pencil and paper and started to map out the possibilities.

I had first begun to think about when it would be safe to see my parents a short while ago, after my parents and I, separately, got vaccinated. One of the sticking points was that my wife and daughters weren’t vaccinated. Even after talking to the brightest epidemiologists, virologists, infectious disease experts all over the world, I wasn’t 100% sure on where the line in the sand for acceptable level of risk was drawn. And so we held off — but still, I daydreamed of the day.

I wasn’t alone in wondering when that time would come. With an increasing number of Americans getting vaccinated, the question of “When can I visit with fill-in-the-blank?” was growing louder and more insistent.

And on Monday, the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention brought that moment into clearer focus. The agency came out with its first set of guidance about what fully vaccinated people can now do.

My parents had a significant emotional burden lifted after they were vaccinated, because they are now approximately 95% protected against getting severely ill from Covid-19. But like the rest of the country, they are restless and want to do something with their newly vaccinated status. That is why they called me right after they saw the news report about new recommendations from the CDC to ask me what it all meant. I laid out the good news for them, and the caveats as well.

In a major step, the CDC said people who are fully vaccinated against Covid-19 can safely visit with other fully vaccinated people in private settings without masks, without social distancing and without having to be outdoors. The CDC defines people who are “fully vaccinated” as those who are two weeks past their second dose of the Moderna or Pfizer/BioNTech vaccine or two weeks past the single dose of the Johnson & Johnson vaccine. I think this recommendation was an obvious one, and probably should’ve happened when the vaccines first started rolling out.

Additionally, however, the CDC guidance now allows for fully vaccinated people to visit indoors with unvaccinated people from a single household without masks or physical distancing, if the unvaccinated people are at low risk for severe disease. That last part is important.

“This means that none of the unvaccinated people or any unvaccinated members of their households, for example, are an adult over age 65 or have an underlying condition such as cancer, heart disease or diabetes that could increase their risk of Covid-19 related hospitalization or death,” explained Dr. Rochelle Walensky, director of the CDC, at a virtual White House briefing, Monday, announcing the new guidance.

Bingo.

This was starting to sound like it was going to work, and that my parents should be able to safely visit, even though my kids or wife haven’t been vaccinated. They meet the age requirements and would be considered low risk, both in terms of health and their very limited exposures.

It’s important to remember that the risk to my parents isn’t the primary issue. They are well protected by the vaccine. The concern is for anyone else my parents might encounter after visiting with us. Remember, there is a risk, albeit a small one, that vaccinated people could become infected with mild or asymptomatic disease and potentially transmit the virus to others who are not vaccinated.

No free pass

As I kept digging into the guidelines and speaking with members of the Biden administration’s Covid-19 task force, it became increasingly clear that a visit was looking possible, but with a few strings attached. For starters people like my parents, who are fully vaccinated, still need to take precautions in other situations, including wearing masks and physically distancing when visiting with unvaccinated people who are from multiple households. That means, for example, my parents should not have a reunion with my family and my brother’s family (who are unvaccinated) at the same time.

And, perhaps most notably, fully vaccinated people are also still being discouraged from traveling, something that throws a monkey wrench into my fantasy of an imminent family reunion. Non-essential travel is still not recommended for anyone, vaccinated or not. The concern is that you are likely to encounter someone in the airport who may be vulnerable and at risk of being infected. Remember, while it is remarkable that nearly 10% of the country is now fully vaccinated, that also means about 90% is not.

As Walensky explained, “Importantly, our guidance… must balance the risk to people who have been fully vaccinated, the risks to those who have not yet received the vaccine and the impact on the larger community transmission of Covid-19 with … what we all recognize to be the overall benefits of resuming everyday activities and getting back to something to some of the things we love in life.”

It’s a fine line, and an extremely cautious one, between encouraging vaccination and over-relaxing restrictions.

Dr. William Schaffner, an infectious disease expert and a professor at the Vanderbilt University School of Medicine in Nashville, thinks the new guidance is a “great” first step.

“These are excellent, thoughtful guidelines. And people are going to try to apply them to their specific circumstances,” he said. “They have been eagerly awaited by many people who, having been vaccinated, would like to expand what it is that they’ve been doing.”

Schaffner however adds that he would encourage people “to think about who the unvaccinated people are and what’s been their behavior, day in and day out, before they visit the grandparents.” He is concerned that even though the vaccines are very effective, older people who often have comorbidities may still be vulnerable to infection by a particularly social relative.

Tara Kirk Sell, a senior scholar at the Johns Hopkins Center for Health Security, said the guidance strikes the right note.

“I think the guidelines are in a good middle ground,” she said. “We’re starting to go back to normal now, but it’s not going to be flipping a switch… We will make that journey towards normalcy, or at least a new normal, as more people get vaccinated.”

Expect changes

Walensky said this guidance isn’t set in stone. “It’s important to note that this is initial guidance. The science of Covid-19 is complex and our understanding of the virus continues to rapidly evolve. The recommendations issued today are just a first step as more people get vaccinated and the science and evidence expands. And as the disease dynamics of this country change, we will continue to update this guidance,” she said.

Andy Slavitt, a senior adviser on the Biden administration’s Covid-19 team, told me that the guidance on what vaccinated people can and cannot do is tied directly to vaccination rates. “The rate at which new guidance will develop is directly related to how quickly we vaccinate the country. This is the key point. At 10% vaccinations we have this guidance. At 20-30%, we will have new guidance,” he said, noting that there’s going to be a distinct shift in the messaging of what people can and cannot do — moving away from more binary messaging to one that describes activities as a range of low, medium and high risk.

Dark clouds on the horizon?

Even as Walensky delivered the hopeful new guidance, she also noted the country still stands at a seven-day average of about 59,000 new cases of Covid-19 per day — a rate that has leveled off somewhat, instead of continuing to steadily decline. And there are close to 2,000 deaths per day. So, she and other experts warn, any easing of restrictions is going to have to be gradual.

During a virtual speech at the National League of Cities Conference — an event that immediately followed the White House briefing to announce the new CDC guidance — Walensky warned, “There is so much that’s critical riding on the next two months; how quickly we will vaccinate, versus whether we will have another surge, really relies on what happens in March and April.”

She said she hopes local leaders will do what they can to encourage people to wear masks and keep good physical distance from each other, as well as encourage people to get vaccinated.

But Walensky’s remarks came at a time when several states are expanding business capacity and lifting or preparing to lift mandates for people to wear masks, including Texas and Mississippi this week.

Dr. Anthony Fauci, the chief medical adviser to President Joe Biden, added that the country urgently needs to get ahead of the variants, some of which are more easily transmissible and encouraged people “not to pull back on public health measures prematurely.”

“In other words, listen to the recommendations of the CDC regarding mitigation methods, wearing of masks, physical distancing,” Fauci said, during the same National League of Cities event Walensky spoke at. “Listen to what their recommendations are.”

Schaffner also thinks the country is at a “dicey point” now. “While we’re vaccinating … there is a desire to immediately throw off [restrictions], but we are not at ‘mission accomplished’ yet. So we have to hang in there a little longer,” he said.

Despite the potential of dark clouds gathering on the horizon, I can’t help but feel hopeful about the new CDC guidance and the direction our country is moving in with our vaccination efforts. I believe we can get to a place of “back to normal” sooner rather than later, especially if we can stay the course and make sure we’re all as safe as can be — not just those who’ve gotten their shots.

So where does that leave my family reunion plan? Unless my parents make the long drive to see us, we are going to hold off on a visit for now. With more than 2 million people getting vaccinated a day, however, another 20% of the country could be vaccinated by the end of the month. And, that will probably lead to a further relaxing of CDC guidelines and maybe allow my parents a plane ride instead, which means a possible visit to celebrate their wedding anniversary this spring!

Appradab Health’s Andrea Kane contributed to this report.

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thesmithfamily08 · 4 years

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October 13th 2020

So much has happened! Kids started school and we as of this evening have made it through the first 9 weeks of school!!! Penelope Got Mrs. Butts, I don’t think I knew yet last time I wrote on this. Well school is going great for all three kids! Penny is bringing home all 100% on pretty much everything her grades are all 100% of 98% haha, her teacher always tells me how sweet she is to everyone and friends with everyone! Max’s work definitely got more difficult this year but he is doing fantastic with it! He went head first into multiplication and division, he is learning cursive which he is soo much better at than his regular handwriting. He is reading chapter books in one sitting just for fun at home all the time. We just got his reportcard yesterday too and he has all high A’s! So proud:) Lily teacher Mrs. Soto tells be weekly how much she loves lily and her little personality. She says she is super helpful in class and friends with everyone. She got her test results back and is well above average and got all 1′s on her report card, which is the best you can do in kindergarten. I’m so happy they they are all getting to go to school in person and they are all doing so well. It has been a crazy year no doubt and I’m grateful that they are getting a little bit of normalcy back in their life.

I’m not sure if I put it on her before but the girls started ballet too which has been great, they are going to have a recital in May which I am overwhelmingly excited to get to see :) They wanted to start girl scouts but none of the troops around here are doing anything so it was easier to just skip it this year. Max is doing scouts again, we moved him to another troop in Owasso and his best friend Mateo joined the new troop too! It worked out super well they are actually doing things! We went camping with them just a couple weekends ago and the weather was perfect. They got to shoot bb guns, bow and arrows, and sling shots! We went on a hike, and they even did a random plank contest which Penny won after 5 minutes! We were all a little impressed with her abilities!

Rob started school virtual but they ended up switching back after 2 weeks or so. Now he has some kids still doing virtual and some in class so he is having to keep up with both which has been a lot of extra work for him. He seems to be managing alright though.

Max’s birthday party was last weekend! He is turning 9 in two days! How did that happen his last year in single digits, I’m not even ok with that. We did a campout in the back yard. We had 9 boys here! Ended up only having 6 stay the night but it was really great. They made rockets and shot them off in the back yard and Rob brought home his sling shot and they shot tennis balls with it. We did a campfire obviously and roasted smores and we even watched Onward on the projector outside on the shed. It was a super great party!

So what else is going on around here, I’m kid free 7 hours a day 5 days a week. That happened. Which is crazy, awesome, nice, sad, but really I’m just about as busy as I always have been. I just accomplish more because I don’t have to stop ever now and again to help someone. I’m trying to get a few smaller projects and what not done around the house. I still feel like there isn’t enough time in the day but I’m so very much thankful that I get to do what I do everyday so we can just have evenings filled with hanging out and not cleaning and running errands. Today I’ve been working on the garden, the weather has been wonderful lately so I’m trying to get the garden kid of cleaned up for next year. Currently I’m spreading out the strawberry pants because they are getting too over crowded to the point they wont produce much fruit next year. We haven’t had out first freeze yet this year but all I have left still growing is watermelon, bell pepper, jalapeno, and banana pepper plants. Plus one random tomato plant which is doing fantastic.

It is almost election day and I’m a total mess about it. They are currently questioning the next supreme court justice to fill RGB’s spot before the election which will make the court 6 - 3 republican. It is all a little overwhelming. I have hope that Biden will pull out a win and the Nation can get some of its dignity back but I don’t know if I will be surprised at this point if Trump wins again. A lot of people have already voted due to covid they are voting online but I’m going to wait until November 3rd and vote in person. I feel like I need to see my vote being counted. November 3rd could be a really happy day, or not...we will just have to wait and see.

On the note of covid we have had 215000 people die in the United States since March. It seems to be getting worse everywhere but no one is stopping doing anything. I mean including me, we just had 9 boys over here for a birthday party last week. Masks are required in most stores and and buildings, parks and what not are open, (except the new zoo park) :( My uncle got it but he is fine now, I know Rob has had a lot of students who have had it and recovered, I still don’t really know anyone who has died from it other than my moms neighbors in Claremore. Disney world still isn’t back open like normal and I’m currently trying to think of a back up plan for next year just incase we decide to try something different. My grandma has canceled Christmas and Thanksgiving so that is kind of a bummer, but I think it was the right call. I am curious what they are going to do with Mall Santa...will the kids get to sit on his lap and tell him what they want? Maybe we will just have to write letters this year. Weird times we are living in.

I started a fitness journey, I have stayed relatively the same weight since before I had kids. It has been work to stay at that point but I’ve always tried to lose weight and finally get into good shape that I can be proud of. Well I finally have made some progress, although it has been drastically slower than I would have ever imagined but still I am moving forward everyday and proud of my accomplishments. I went from 120 to 112.2 in the past 6 weeks. My goal is to get between 100 and 105 by Christmas. I think I can do it it isn’t even Halloween yet. Hopefully next time I post on this I have more good news and not “welp that didn’t last long” haha!

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lekshk · 4 years

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Lock Down Diaries Part 1: When PG Becomes Home

I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me.

~ Priscilla Ahn (Song: Dream)

I think this lock down has been an eye opener in several ways. For one, I never knew I enjoyed sitting at home! I stay in a PG in Bangalore (which has 5 floors and 2 apartments on every floor with 4 bedrooms and a hall each). There’s a single room and the other 3 rooms are shared by 3-4 girls each. As my weekends were usually packed earlier, my inmates used to joke my single room is nothing but a hotel room– a place to dump things and sleep at night. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would keep myself occupied at home, if I could call it one!

Earlier we were approximately 100 girls and by the time lock down was announced, it got reduced to 11, in fact rather 10 + 1 because the 11th inmate was a girl staying in another PG before and who moved in with her sister here. She was now paying rent at both the places!

The best part about the lockdown for me was when the 9 girls in my apartment moved to their homes because of work from home option! Trust me, for the past 1 year I have been searching a 1 BHK of my choice but was getting none because I refused to move out of the area I was staying in! So attached was I to the locality (which I still am), my happiness knew no bounds when I got the whole apartment to myself!

PS: my inmates are great. It’s just that I craved for solitude and that explains my need to be out on weekends too earlier.

Once I grasped the fact that my desire for solitude had become a reality, I made myself comfortable at home. The balcony, cloth rack, hall, TV, all to myself, I became the queen of the apartment at 4th floor!

Immediately I set out to work. The first thing I did was rearrange the room. That mere act itself became refreshing for me. The changed layout opened the window of my mind. It simply elevated my mood. I realized the junk both outside and inside, I felt relieved to see my room (aka matchbox as I fondly call it) began breathing to life with light seeping in. Getting rid of unwanted things de cluttered my mind. Also, as there was no one to monitor what I was doing, I got the complete freedom to do what I want which was the BIGGEST PLUS.

Picture 1: Matchbox transformed to Cape of Good Hope

Taking an example of the character named Divya from the movie Bangalore days, I glass painted the window of my room. I used finger painting technique for this and brought colors to my matchbox.

Picture 2: Finger glass painting of window (colorful sticky notes with my favorite motivational quotes as background to the painting)

Next, I set out to bring more conversations to my room. Stationary items and colorful sticky notes are my all-time favorites. I set out to make the Tree of My Life, an exercise given to me by my therapist earlier. The tree of life is nothing but connecting your life with the sections of a tree.

Picture 3: Tree of Life on the cupboard behind me

Since work from home was a new feature, never done before, my initial few weeks just went in sleeping well. It looked as if I had years of sleep to catch up to. And indeed it was! If you recall, my weekends were packed earlier, so my body rested only during sleep at night. Sleeping through the day gave me the well-deserved break! One month went by just becoming a human “being” from a human “doing”. I also realized working at nights made me more productive because the stillness of the night gave me the concentration I needed to work efficiently. One month of the lock down went by like this.

After that, my body started to feel fresh again. Now I was ready to “do” things. I continued my reading habit and made it a point to read 20 minutes daily. Because I have been trained in Carnatic vocal and Bharatanatyam, I decided to nurture my desire of learning painting because I love it! And that’s how I came across finger painting to which I am addicted till date.

I enrolled for an online finger-painting workshop. And it truly brought out joy in me because painting is an activity which can get meditative and if it’s with your fingers, it adds a personalized touch by bringing all your emotions in it.

Picture 4: Finger paintings (Bangalore Drawing Room)

Long back I had attended a mind valley master class by Robin Sharma in which he had talked about the 60 minute club, the essence of which is simply this - 20 minute exercise, 20 minute meditation, 20 minute a creative activity. For exercise, I chose dance, for meditation, I chose anilom vilom and/or surya namaskar and for creativity either painting or reading or listening to the radio.

I decided not to exert my body with over activity. Dance once a week, surya namaskar twice a week, anilom vilom twice a week. Weekends were cheat days.

I had the habit of making a to do list earlier just to keep the day interesting and something to look forward to. When I checked that, I realized my desire to learn sign language was pending because of my reluctance to travel to the center which was far. As if the lock down heard my prayers, they were conducting online classes. I didn’t waste even a second and grabbed the seat in their first ever virtual classroom. Two weeks, Monday to Friday, 4-5 pm was booked for learning basic sign language where I met some amazing bunch of people passionate to learn like me and a teacher passionate to teach us.

Picture 5: Day 1 of Virtual Basic Sign Language Course with GiftAbled

Picture 6: Completing the course

Learning virtually wasn’t easy because it was a new concept for me but somehow everything just fell in place. I dared to show my vulnerability here and got the supporting hands (virtually) of my teacher, founder and my fellow mates. The 2 week course work was fun, interactive and so supportive! I seemed to have entered a new world altogether!

Post that there was no looking back. I knew I was going to crack this lock down. PG had now become my home. Big Bazaar my savior for online shopping of essentials. I bought biscuits, ready to cook stuff for evening snacks as I was used to in office. Black coffee with honey or jaggery in the evenings became my lock down ritual. Holding the coffee mug in the terrace and looking at the entire Whitefield area, calling my parents (settled in Trivandrum) around that time every day mandatory became a part of the routine. A lot of people at the neighboring buildings chose to play cricket or badminton or yoga at their terraces during the time. Social distancing at its best, seeing people in the evenings gave me the sense of what’s happening around.

I would go out to purchase fruits from a nearby vendor once a week with all the precautionary measures.

Slowly, the lock down, work from home, virtual classes, calling parents, PG life post lock down became part of my daily life. Occasionally I would cook. Sometimes, I would revamp the food the cook prepared. Like for instance, if it was Dosa for breakfast, I would convert it to Cheese Masala Dosa. Bringing some change here and there brought out joy in me. I started eating a lot of fruits which I didn’t earlier.

After getting comfortable with online interactions, I decided to be part of online community gatherings, one such, being with Dialogues Cafe - A topic on how people were coping up. I also participated in online book club meets like Bring Your Own Book, Dialogues with Books etc.

Now, I decided to continue my other passion - Volunteering. Earlier, Bangalore traffic would discourage me to travel anywhere! Volunteering Online for Volunteer For a Cause (VFC) resolved this and I got to know about so many days celebrated nationally and/or internationally! Starting from World Earth Day celebrated on 22 April, World Book Day on 24 April, World Wishbone Day on 06 May, World Thalassemia Day on 08 May, Menstrual Health Day on 28 May, Elderly Abuse Awareness Day and the June month culminating with the Pride Month, I was on a volunteering spree uploading pictures in social media handles to create awareness! I started gaining a sense of purpose through them. I also attended online awareness sessions conducted by them on how to do your bit in rescuing animals or know the city better or what to do in accident cases or how to do your bit for a greener, sustainable society or waste management or what’s child abuse or what’s mental health? I also made customized handmade cards and posed them online to celebrate birthdays of children residing in children’s home or women residing in rehabilitation centers.

Picture 7: Throwback pictures - World Earth Day (22 April)

Picture 8: Bookfie - World Book Day (24 April)

Pictures 9: World Wishbone Day (06 May)

Picture 10: World Thalassemia Day (08 May)

Picture 11: Menstrual Health Day (28 May)

Picture 12: Elderly Abuse Awareness Day

Picture 13: Pride Month - A Dot Mandala using pearl acrylic colors on my diary (Proud to be an Ally)

Picture 14: Birthday Jingles

At workplace too, I made it a point to attend webinars on relationships, leadership, coping with anxiety and I was unfortunate enough to listen to some amazing speakers who shared their profound wisdom and experiences. Life started becoming more and meaningful as the days passed. Having a good team to work was an added bonus.

Weekends I would also connect with my school friends on zoom call and bitch about our classmates. This lock down period, a lot of groups became active and we got an opportunity to reconnect.

Finally, because of a writing habit cultivated from childhood, I would write the following in my thought journal almost every day–

I AM GOOD ENOUGH. I DESERVE RESPECT.

I AM NOT THE PROBLEM. THE PROBLEM IS THE PROBLEM.

Whenever possible, I would also write in my gratitude journal things to thank about.

I didn’t know if it made any sense, but it told me about the probable good times ahead.

There were problems in the PG like water, electricity, lift not working and so on and so forth. But we sailed through all this - PG inmates, cook, caretaker and of course the owners. The 11 of us who didn’t even know each others names, now made it a point to stay in touch through a Whatsapp group we formed. There were difference in opinions, rude talk, fights with the owners, care taker, rent dispute etc but more or less we managed through the lock down period.I remember reading a friend’s Facebook post to not to leave Whatsapp groups but instead use this as an opportunity to stay connected because that’s what we need the most right now. I couldn’t agree any better.

Part 2: Heading Home

Two months later a direct train from Bangalore to Trivandrum was started and 1800 bookings were expected for the train to get moving. I immediately registered in the Karnataka state website Seva Sindhu and NORKA roots (for people residing outside Kerala but within India) and Covid 19 Jagratha website for Kerala state. I thought it would take at least a week for bookings to happen but I got the PNR number the very next day and the train was to leave the day after! I quickly packed my bags anticipating a 2-week institution quarantine.

The train was to leave at 8 pm from Bangalore Cantonment station and I reached the station at 7 pm. That’s when I got a shock from the police there that I was late and I had to get a medical check-up done to get a token to board the train! Luckily, I had reached the station in an auto so I asked him to take me to the place where the check up was being done to get the token. It was at Palace Grounds and I had the shock of my life to see the police, BMTC buses, volunteers all shouting at me to get the token quickly!

There were 3 counters- 2 for registration and one for checking the temperature! I quickly completed the registration formalities and got the token! The joke was I thought all these people were going to different states and since it was already 7.45 pm, I was trying to rush out to go back to the station. That’s when I realized all these people (close to 1500) were headed to where I was and they were waiting since 12 pm to board the train! That’s when I got to know along with PNR number message, there was another one which gave details about what time to reach and where. Unfortunately, I hadn’t received it! I was lucky enough to get an auto driver who understood the severity of the situation and waited should I need to be taken back to the station. I payed him extra and thanked him and waited with the rest of the passengers to board the bus which would take us to the station. Surprisingly, people showed tremendous restraint as they patiently waited for their turns to board the bus. Finally, after an hour, we were all taken to the station, given food kits and compartment numbers to board. Temperature was checked yet again before boarding the train. It was a chair car non- A/C passenger train which had space for 2 passengers in one seat. At 10.30 pm, the train started to Kerala. My co passenger was a mother of two from Delhi whose children were in Bangalore. They were heading to their newly built house in Kerala which was the safest to stay for them at the time! The journey became eventful having her by my side. We shared our experiences, our thoughts, life in Bangalore, life in Delhi, future life in Kerala, politics etc. The most suffocating experience was wearing a mask for 15 hours! But one couldn’t take any chances! Kudos to all the volunteers who relentlessly and patiently worked to see we reached our destinations safely! Special thanks to the Bengluru police, BMTC for their support.

Sleep was a disturbing one due to the chair car. But early morning when the train hit Palakkad station, the view, the greenery to be precise, was so refreshing! Though it was a direct train from Bangalore to Trivandrum, the train halted at 4 more stations in Kerala – Palakkad, Trissur, Ernakulam, Kottayam. The moment the train hit the station announcements started coming in – to stand in the designated areas marked for social distancing. The authorities wore Personal Protective Equipments (PPE). The journey now became eventful and filled with greenery. I ate the bun from the food kit I had got and ate the fruits I had packed for the journey. It was 12.30 pm, when I reached my station. At the counter they suggested institution quarantine as my parents were elderly. However, I convinced them for a home quarantine because I had the provision for a separate room with a separate entry and exit and having an attached bathroom. After they filled in my details, our baggage were probably fumigated and I had the option of either calling my father to pick me up from the station or be taken home in a private vehicle as I stayed half an hour from the station. I chose the latter because it was too late to call my father and it wasn’t allowed to wait at the station.

The private vehicle arranged was such the doors, dicky was opened by the driver himself and I had to place my baggage and remove them on my own. Hands were sanitized and after dropping me home, his car would be sanitized again before taking the next passenger. Throughout the proceedings I was very impressed by the arrangements made by the government. I just saw my parents while alighting from the car. I entered my room with an attached bathroom from a separate entrance. Thereafter, food was placed at my doorstep everyday till the quarantine got over. We never had a direct contact throughout the quarantine period. Health volunteers visited me and placed a “this house is in quarantine” sticker outside my house gate. The 2 months in my PG prepped me for the 2-week quarantine! All communication was either through Whatsapp or phone call. Finally, after quarantine got over, I got a certificate from the health inspector stating I was free of quarantine after being advised one by the state.

So many people are working hard day in day out to fight this pandemic! The least service I could do for them is staying home safely. My cousin who is a doctor had already instructed my mother on the quarantine measures to be taken before I took occupancy. Meanwhile my school friend too had given me the home quarantine guidelines. I think by far this has been the most interesting independent experience I have had, living in silos. I have been living away from my parents for the past 2.5 years.

Pictures 14: Heading for Qurantine

The most courageous thing for me was the train ride and the umpteen faith on the journey ahead. Of course, being Kerala, I knew I would be well taken care of. My parents being elderly, I also had the option during quarantine to get food delivered at my doorstep through volunteers at a nominal charge of Rs 20/meal. Since my mother insisted she would cook, I didn’t go for it. All in all, in the current scenario, I have so many people to thank to, so many moments to be proud and amazed at and most importantly, so many moments to pat on my back and tell myself – well done!

Since staying with parents have limitations in terms of independence and freedom, I continued to entertain myself watching movies on Amazon Prime, Netflix, stand up comedies on you tube and my favorite - 2019 Magsaysay award winner Ravish Kumar’s speeches. Laughter and reality check can help to keep a mind active and sane. Reading and writing have now become occasional and I ain’t complaining. Circumstances and environment has changed and I too am taking things as it comes.

Picture 15: Post lock down and room quarantine

To conclude - “A relationship with myself” is what I “earned” this lock down. I would make sure to talk to a close friend about how I felt till I became capable of managing my emotions on my own safe in the knowledge I could talk to her anytime. Similarly, she would talk to me the same manner. It is true when they say we “thrive” in relationships. From the webinar on relationships at work place I learnt, when we seek relationships, we are, in reality searching for ourselves and there’s nothing wrong in feeling lonely. “Acknowledging it” and moving “forward” to change it to a more positive feeling is a brave effort we could all attempt. Don’t at any point undermine your thoughts and feelings. I still do at times, despite knowing it. But like I said earlier (I am good enough, so being kind to myself is what I am practicing off late and seems to be the toughest challenge till date). “Seeking help” is another brave opportunity I am giving myself. Hanging in to the wonderful relationships I have with the realistic knowledge they are susceptible to change took me 2 months of lock down. Also, confronting an expectation not met and seeing what can be done amicably is another challenge I am sailing through with hiccups. I am neither defining them or myself through this experience. Because the right things have come to me when I least expected it. I had umpteen disappointments. Feeling stuck has been a horrible experience anytime and yet, by giving my mind the exercise to experience it has made only me a stronger individual for sure.

Knowing who you are and what you can be is itself a great experience of “being”. Cherish it and seek hope, if possible, when there seems none at all because-

“Hope is a good thing, may be the best of things and no good thing ever dies”

~ Shawshank Redemption

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thank-your-lucky-stars · 7 years

Text

A few things....

I’d really appreciate it if my followers could take the time to read this post, as it explains a few things that I have been holding back for some time.

Some of you might’ve noticed my absence recently. I was really ill from the middle of June; I got a bad chest infection from nowhere, and I couldn’t work or leave the house in weeks, apart from a couple of trips to the doctors (who put me on antibiotics) all I did all day was try (and fail) to sleep. My queue happened to run out just as I got ill too, which meant my blog became abandoned for the first time in.....years.

But I’d reached a bad point just as I got ill anyway. I’ve mentioned briefly about having no confidence on tumblr anymore - something which is really upsetting for me, as this blog has been a huge part of my life for almost 7 years now. It’s a place where I can express myself like no other, and fandom has always played a big part in that, as I have quite a lot of free time and even when I’m working I often have free time too (I work in little shops in little towns, and sometimes there’s simply nothing to do but piss about online), so tumblr is a big occupier of that free time.

Anyway. The Robron fandom has been really important to me for quite some time now. As a long time viewer of Emmerdale, I was so happy when I realised a fandom had been born here on tumblr - especially as that sort of coincided with my previous fandom deteriorating rapidly, due to it being overtaken by trolls.

I’ve spoken about what Robron mean to me, and how I latched onto them during the most difficult time of my life, and there was a point where they were probably the main reason I got out of bed in the morning, which is so fucked up but it’s also true. The fandom also became a huge saving grace for me, having a place where I felt safe and valid and important after watching my old fandom be so horribly ruined; I had all of that there once, until it was overtaken, until me and several other people in that fandom were targeted by some really disturbed individuals who resented the fact that we run popular blogs. It was upsetting and....creepy. Like seriously, seriously creepy. But above that it made me feel really unsafe here.

And then I felt like I found a new home. People were so nice and friendly and this fandom was a lot bigger and more active and I loved that people wanted to talk, that people used their voices and expressed themselves and I just found it so inspiring and a wonderful thing to be a part of.

And then The Incident™ happened, and there was a big shift. The divide was so obvious. Some people....changed. I didn’t like the way there seemed to be “sides” - the people who were managing to be positive, and those that weren’t. As someone who really struggled with what happened on screen, I definitely felt looked down upon by some corners of the fandom (note: this isn’t ALL the “positive” vs negative people, not at all. Most were respectful and understanding), and I didn’t appreciate the way some people behaved and made people like me feel, just because I wasn’t making excuses for ED or believing all the theories or doing cartwheels about the fact that they were sabotaging our ship right before our very eyes.

I understand how some people needed to be positive and sort of erase the negative in order to stay sane, I honestly genuinely get that, because I’ve been in that place before myself. But the coldness and bitchiness by some people was completely unnecessary and I know it made several people scared to speak our minds. It’s all good and well being told that your feelings are valid but it’s not so nice when you see people virtually mocking you for feeling the way you do. The hypocrisy was like nothing I have ever seen. I know nobody is perfect and everyone can say questionable things, and maybe these people didn’t mean to cause any upset, but to me and from my POV a lot of it was unnecessary and done purposely to shame certain areas of a fandom that was dealing with a lot of crap.

Then a series of things happened to me here directly and personally that shattered what confidence I had left. I did write about what happened, but I’ve deleted it. But about 4 or 5 people here really hurt me, in completely different ways, and two of those incidents in particular have really totally and utterly fucked me up and made me feel worthless and not good enough. In one of those cases, I forgave the person who hurt me and things were relatively resolved but the damage has had a really negative affect not just on how I feel here on tumblr but how I feel in my real life and even with my real-life friendships. It has triggered paranoia in me that I managed to deal with (for the most part) about 11 years ago, but what happened brought it all back and that incident, along with a few other people here (not people I considered friends, but people I respected none the less) doing some pretty crappy things has just....shattered me. It’s made me feel uneasy, uncomfortable, unsafe.....I don’t think these people are bad people, but at the same time what they have all contributed to has left me feeling like a sort of shell of the person I used to be here on tumblr. I used to be confident in speaking my thoughts/feelings, whether it be about personal stuff or fandom stuff or whatever, but now I’m just.....pretty shattered. Some of you know the specifics of these incidents, and your support has meant a lot. But I’m still pretty damaged by these things, as they all sort of happened one after the other, within about maybe 6 weeks or so, right after things went to shit with Robron.

So I feel like I have sort of been ground down to nothing. And I know this is such a small percentage of this fandom, I know the majority here are wonderful people. And even these people who have fucked with my head....I know they’re not bad people. I don’t think they’re evil or anything and I try to hang onto that even though I hate the way they have made me feel. But what they have done is damage me and damage my confidence and I do not know how to fix it. Above my dislike for how certain people have made me feel, I really resent how I have given these people the power to make me feel this way, and to help ruin something that was really special to me. It’s something I need to work on, to not focus so much on the negative/negative people, but I don’t know how to fix it.

And then there’s what’s happening with Robron on screen. I am at a point now where I simply do not care anymore. Whenever I read a new spoiler, I feel nothing. I don’t feel sad or angry because I’m unable to be shocked. I do not care if Robron split or stay together, because this isn’t Robron. Emmerdale have made a mockery of them, a joke of them - they have turned them into a laughing stock. The lack of care, respect and time that have been put into their story since the start of the year is embarrassing and I will genuinely never forgive Emmerdale for ruining such a wonderful gift. Robron were a gift. They were a gift to us but also a gift to the show. I long for the day people stop rewarding ED for the good times last year, and focus on the now, and stop voting for them for awards, or supporting them on social media. I can’t wait for people to just.....not care. For ED to post some Robron teaser on twitter and get nothing but crickets in response. I don’t want them to get hate, I want them to get silence, because silence hurts more. I resent them, I resent Iain and the storyliners, who must’ve smoked crack the day they came up with this storyline. I respect the people who are hanging on, probably by the skin of their teeth, and managing to be positive. Like seriously, I have massive respect for being able to get into that mindset.

But when you’ve loved characters for so many years, long before this ship was even a producers wet dream, and you get to watch the highs and the lows and the highs again.....and then get to where we are now, it is pretty soul destroying. Like I won’t pretend I’m not heartbroken by it. And it’s my fault for getting in too deep, for latching onto them and relying on them the way I did. But I feel like I’ve grieved, like I’ve dealt with it in many ways. Like I’m just angry/bitter about it now. I don’t think they have the power the really deeply hurt me anymore, not like I was hurt when The Incident happened, or when it was confirmed there was going to be a baby. Everything I’ve felt since - even the decent stuff - has been.....weak. I mean two good (Maxine) episodes in, what, 4 months isn’t good enough for me. Even those episodes didn’t pack the punch they should have, because for me, Robron have been ground down to their bones. Like, there’s barely anything left. The flesh has gone. The heart, the soul.....it’s all gone in my eyes.

And I’m not saying there’s not a way back from this. I mean it won’t ever be the same again, too much damage has been done, but if this baby isn’t a thing then maybe in a year or so things could be....alright. But my prediction is Robron won’t be around in a year. I reckon Danny and/or Ryan will leave within the next year to 18 months. Thinking about it, I wish they had’ve left after the wedding. I’d have much preferred Robron going off into the sunset together, happy and in love and married and faithful, than have to witness what we’ve had to witness since the 16th of March.

But it is what it is. I’ll keep watching Emmerdale because I’ve watched it half my life. And I will always “ship” Robron. I will always want them to be happy and find a way back from this, because you can’t just stop caring completely. Not 100%, anyway.

But at the same time, what I feel now is nothing compared to what I felt at the start of the year. And it breaks my heart but at the same time I don’t miss the endless stress over spoilers, or the disappointment when we realise we’re going around in yet another endless circle of: Robron are happy - Robert messes up - Aaron cries - RELATIONSHIP ON THE BRINK: WILL THEY SURVIVE??!!1?1 - Robert does something romantic - fluff - romance - Robert messes up - Aaron cries - rinse/repeat. Like we’ve been doing this since April last year and every time we think things will improve somehow they get worse?????? Like I always (stupidly) thought after they got married things would cool down but NOPE, it got worse than ever, and here we are in this hell-hole of despair and never-ending misery porn. I bet the producers sit up all night trying to find new ways to emotionally torture Aaron and new ways to make Robert look like a dick.

These characters deserve better and I have no time for any of it anymore. I can’t say anything productive or enlightening and I can’t analyse scenes or moments or spoilers because I simply just do not have the energy or the care for it. It literally makes me sick on so many levels that this storyline is a thing that’s happening, I find it so offensive in so many ways and there’s nothing I can say except expressing my horror and disgust, which isn’t productive, and I’m sure it’s boring to read too because everyone has said it all already.

So that is where I’m at. And what I want to say is, I understand if you want to unfollow me, because I’m not going to be posting anything Robron related anymore (maybe one day, I think it’s stupid to say “never”, but as it stands....there won’t be any Robron content on this blog, and it remains to be seen if there will be any Emmerdale content either. I don’t know. I’ll never say never because that’s stupid but the outlook isn’t great right now.)

I don’t want to lose people. This is the shitty thing about fandoms; people come and go. Like I said before, it’s a revolving door. I’ve been in fandoms for about 15 years now. I’ve probably spoken to hundreds of people who I’ve gotten friendly with, never to be seen or heard from ever again after a certain period of time, or once I or they have moved on from said-fandom. I know it’s how it works. I don’t want to lose contact with certain people here just because I’m not participating in the thing that brought us together.

I still have the blog @thank-your-lucky-starrs - it’s sort of a replica of this blog, in a way (same icon, virtually the same name!) - which I made for 100% Emmerdale/Robron, even though I’ve never really used it. I followed a bunch of you there, and I know several people followed back, so I guess if you only care about what fandom/Robron/ED related stuff I have to say, you could always continue following that other blog, if you don’t want to follow me here for personal/other stuff I’m interested in, on the off-chance that some day I want/can talk about Robron/ED again. So you can still follow me but not follow this blog, if that’s what you want.

I’m sort of at a loss to what to do myself, because obviously there is a LOT of Robron on my dash. But unfollowing people is really hard for me....I’m too loyal and it makes me uncomfortable because I don’t want people to think I have an issue with them (honestly, if I was ever to unfollow you and you want to know why, you can ask me and I’ll be 100% honest because I’m not a twat and I respect people and honesty is important to me). I may start unfollowing people at some point on this blog, but keep you all on my @thank-your-lucky-starrs blog, for if I ever want to delve back into Robron land (that was the purpose of the blog in the first place, so I could have a Robron dash and a non-Robron dash, but I chickened out of unfollowing people on this blog because like I said I’m too loyal and I care too much, even about people who probably don’t give a flying fuck about me lmao).

So yeah, this post is long but I needed to say all of this stuff. If you still want to support me and this blog then honestly thank you. If you want to unfollow because you don’t think I’ll be sharing any content that will interest you, I understand (and please feel free to shoot me a message and tell me that, because that would mean so much to me to know that’s the reason you’re unfollowing and not because you think I’m an oversensitive freak!!!). Honesty is something that is really important to me and anyone who knows me well enough will know that I am a really honest person, maybe to a fault sometimes, but at the same time I do think it’s a good thing, because if you talk to me about anything or anyone or any situation, you know that with me I will tell you the truth, my true thoughts and feelings, and I can do it in a way that is sensitive - people can be honest without being rude/horrible, people can be honest with tact and care, which is what I always try to do (but several people don’t know how to do that!!) so what I’m trying to say is.....you can be honest with me too. As long as the honesty is delivered with care and respect then that care and respect will be reciprocated.

I don’t want to lose people just because I have lost this fandom. The fandom is a collective but it’s filled with individuals and so many of these individual, unique people are kind and special and I don’t want to lose you. I am trying my very best to be strong and to not let myself be robbed of so many of you. Your support has always meant more to me than words can describe.

I’m going to shut up now but if you’ve read this then, as always, thank you.

#mine #personal #this is very important #it's about my blog and my feelings and about you guys #about how i may not be offering the content you want to see anymore #about my feelings for robron #because i've really reached a dead-end with robron #and i explain that a bit #i mean some of you already know #but i'm just clearing some things up #and i want people to know i understand if you don't want to follow me anymore as i won't be posting about robron #but please read my post #because i say near the end that i don't want to lose people #people this fandom is a collective but it's also filled with individuals #and many of you are wonderful #and i don't want to lose you #but i also understand if i'm not giving what you want to get #but please feel free to reach out to me #because all of this is really hard for me #and writing this took ages #and i edited it a lot #a lot of the personal crap #there's a lot of personal crap at the start #because i'm in a bad place #but i'm trying to be proactive #and i was going to run away and just abandon this blog for like months or something #but i shouldn't have to do that

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