lekshk

[lekshk]

Lock Down Diaries Part 1: When PG Becomes Home

I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me.

~ Priscilla Ahn (Song: Dream)

I think this lock down has been an eye opener in several ways. For one, I never knew I enjoyed sitting at home! I stay in a PG in Bangalore (which has 5 floors and 2 apartments on every floor with 4 bedrooms and a hall each). There’s a single room and the other 3 rooms are shared by 3-4 girls each. As my weekends were usually packed earlier, my inmates used to joke my single room is nothing but a hotel room– a place to dump things and sleep at night. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would keep myself occupied at home, if I could call it one!

Earlier we were approximately 100 girls and by the time lock down was announced, it got reduced to 11, in fact rather 10 + 1 because the 11th inmate was a girl staying in another PG before and who moved in with her sister here. She was now paying rent at both the places!

The best part about the lockdown for me was when the 9 girls in my apartment moved to their homes because of work from home option! Trust me, for the past 1 year I have been searching a 1 BHK of my choice but was getting none because I refused to move out of the area I was staying in! So attached was I to the locality (which I still am), my happiness knew no bounds when I got the whole apartment to myself!  

PS: my inmates are great. It’s just that I craved for solitude and that explains my need to be out on weekends too earlier.

Once I grasped the fact that my desire for solitude had become a reality, I made myself comfortable at home. The balcony, cloth rack, hall, TV, all to myself, I became the queen of the apartment at 4th floor!

Immediately I set out to work. The first thing I did was rearrange the room. That mere act itself became refreshing for me. The changed layout opened the window of my mind. It simply elevated my mood. I realized the junk both outside and inside, I felt relieved to see my room (aka matchbox as I fondly call it) began breathing to life with light seeping in. Getting rid of unwanted things de cluttered my mind. Also, as there was no one to monitor what I was doing, I got the complete freedom to do what I want which was the BIGGEST PLUS. 

Picture 1: Matchbox transformed to Cape of Good Hope 

Taking an example of the character named Divya from the movie Bangalore days, I glass painted the window of my room. I used finger painting technique for this and brought colors to my matchbox.

Picture 2: Finger glass painting of window (colorful sticky notes with my favorite motivational quotes as background to the painting) 

Next, I set out to bring more conversations to my room. Stationary items and colorful sticky notes are my all-time favorites. I set out to make the Tree of My Life, an exercise given to me by my therapist earlier. The tree of life is nothing but connecting your life with the sections of a tree. 

Picture 3: Tree of Life on the cupboard behind me

Since work from home was a new feature, never done before, my initial few weeks just went in sleeping well. It looked as if I had years of sleep to catch up to. And indeed it was! If you recall, my weekends were packed earlier, so my body rested only during sleep at night. Sleeping through the day gave me the well-deserved break! One month went by just becoming a human “being�� from a human “doing”. I also realized working at nights made me more productive because the stillness of the night gave me the concentration I needed to work efficiently. One month of the lock down went by like this.

After that, my body started to feel fresh again. Now I was ready to “do” things. I continued my reading habit and made it a point to read 20 minutes daily. Because I have been trained in Carnatic vocal and Bharatanatyam, I decided to nurture my desire of learning painting because I love it! And that’s how I came across finger painting to which I am addicted till date.

I enrolled for an online finger-painting workshop. And it truly brought out joy in me because painting is an activity which can get meditative and if it’s with your fingers, it adds a personalized touch by bringing all your emotions in it.

Picture 4: Finger paintings (Bangalore Drawing Room)

Long back I had attended a mind valley master class by Robin Sharma in which he had talked about the 60 minute club, the essence of which is simply this - 20 minute exercise, 20 minute meditation, 20 minute a creative activity. For exercise, I chose dance, for meditation, I chose anilom vilom and/or surya namaskar and for creativity either painting or reading or listening to the radio.

I decided not to exert my body with over activity. Dance once a week, surya namaskar twice a week, anilom vilom twice a week. Weekends were cheat days.

I had the habit of making a to do list earlier just to keep the day interesting and something to look forward to. When I checked that, I realized my desire to learn sign language was pending because of my reluctance to travel to the center which was far. As if the lock down heard my prayers, they were conducting online classes. I didn’t waste even a second and grabbed the seat in their first ever virtual classroom. Two weeks, Monday to Friday, 4-5 pm was booked for learning basic sign language where I met some amazing bunch of people passionate to learn like me and a teacher passionate to teach us.

Picture 5: Day 1 of Virtual Basic Sign Language Course with GiftAbled

Picture 6: Completing the course

Learning virtually wasn’t easy because it was a new concept for me but somehow everything just fell in place. I dared to show my vulnerability here and got the supporting hands (virtually) of my teacher, founder and my fellow mates. The 2 week course work was fun, interactive and so supportive! I seemed to have entered a new world altogether!

Post that there was no looking back. I knew I was going to crack this lock down. PG had now become my home. Big Bazaar my savior for online shopping of essentials. I bought biscuits, ready to cook stuff for evening snacks as I was used to in office. Black coffee with honey or jaggery in the evenings became my lock down ritual. Holding the coffee mug in the terrace and looking at the entire Whitefield area, calling my parents (settled in Trivandrum) around that time every day mandatory became a part of the routine. A lot of people at the neighboring buildings chose to play cricket or badminton or yoga at their terraces during the time. Social distancing at its best, seeing people in the evenings gave me the sense of what’s happening around.

I would go out to purchase fruits from a nearby vendor once a week with all the precautionary measures.

Slowly, the lock down, work from home, virtual classes, calling parents, PG life post lock down became part of my daily life. Occasionally I would cook. Sometimes, I would revamp the food the cook prepared. Like for instance, if it was Dosa for breakfast, I would convert it to Cheese Masala Dosa. Bringing some change here and there brought out joy in me. I started eating a lot of fruits which I didn’t earlier.

After getting comfortable with online interactions, I decided to be part of online community gatherings, one such, being with Dialogues Cafe - A topic on how people were coping up. I also participated in online book club meets like Bring Your Own Book, Dialogues with Books etc.

Now, I decided to continue my other passion - Volunteering. Earlier, Bangalore traffic would discourage me to travel anywhere! Volunteering Online for Volunteer For a Cause (VFC) resolved this and I got to know about so many days celebrated nationally and/or internationally! Starting from World Earth Day celebrated on 22 April, World Book Day on 24 April, World Wishbone Day on 06 May, World Thalassemia Day on 08 May, Menstrual Health Day on 28 May, Elderly Abuse Awareness Day and the June month culminating with the Pride Month, I was on a volunteering spree uploading pictures in social media handles to create awareness! I started gaining a sense of purpose through them. I also attended online awareness sessions conducted by them on how to do your bit in rescuing animals or know the city better or what to do in accident cases or how to do your bit for a greener, sustainable society or waste management or what’s child abuse or what’s mental health? I also made customized handmade cards and posed them online to celebrate birthdays of children residing in children’s home or women residing in rehabilitation centers.

Picture 7: Throwback pictures - World Earth Day (22 April)

Picture 8: Bookfie - World Book Day (24 April)

Pictures 9: World Wishbone Day (06 May)

Picture 10: World Thalassemia Day (08 May)

Picture 11: Menstrual Health Day (28 May)

Picture 12: Elderly Abuse Awareness Day

Picture 13: Pride Month - A Dot Mandala using pearl acrylic colors on my diary (Proud to be an Ally)

Picture 14: Birthday Jingles

At workplace too, I made it a point to attend webinars on relationships, leadership, coping with anxiety and I was unfortunate enough to listen to some amazing speakers who shared their profound wisdom and experiences. Life started becoming more and meaningful as the days passed. Having a good team to work was an added bonus.

Weekends I would also connect with my school friends on zoom call and bitch about our classmates. This lock down period, a lot of groups became active and we got an opportunity to reconnect.

Finally, because of a writing habit cultivated from childhood, I would write the following in my thought journal almost every day–

I AM GOOD ENOUGH. I DESERVE RESPECT.

I AM NOT THE PROBLEM. THE PROBLEM IS THE PROBLEM.

Whenever possible, I would also write in my gratitude journal things to thank about.

I didn’t know if it made any sense, but it told me about the probable good times ahead.  

There were problems in the PG like water, electricity, lift not working and so on and so forth. But we sailed through all this - PG inmates, cook, caretaker and of course the owners. The 11 of us who didn’t even know each others names, now made it a point to stay in touch through a Whatsapp group we formed. There were difference in opinions, rude talk, fights with the owners, care taker, rent dispute etc but more or less we managed through the lock down period.I remember reading a friend’s Facebook post to not to leave Whatsapp groups but instead use this as an opportunity to stay connected because that’s what we need the most right now. I couldn’t agree any better.

Part 2: Heading Home

Two months later a direct train from Bangalore to Trivandrum was started and 1800 bookings were expected for the train to get moving. I immediately registered in the Karnataka state website Seva Sindhu and NORKA roots (for people residing outside Kerala but within India) and Covid 19 Jagratha website for Kerala state. I thought it would take at least a week for bookings to happen but I got the PNR number the very next day and the train was to leave the day after! I quickly packed my bags anticipating a 2-week institution quarantine.

The train was to leave at 8 pm from Bangalore Cantonment station and I reached the station at 7 pm. That’s when I got a shock from the police there that I was late and I had to get a medical check-up done to get a token to board the train! Luckily, I had reached the station in an auto so I asked him to take me to the place where the check up was being done to get the token. It was at Palace Grounds and I had the shock of my life to see the police, BMTC buses, volunteers all shouting at me to get the token quickly! 

There were 3 counters- 2 for registration and one for checking the temperature! I quickly completed the registration formalities and got the token! The joke was I thought all these people were going to different states and since it was already 7.45 pm, I was trying to rush out to go back to the station. That’s when I realized all these people (close to 1500) were headed to where I was and they were waiting since 12 pm to board the train! That’s when I got to know along with PNR number message, there was another one which gave details about what time to reach and where. Unfortunately, I hadn’t received it! I was lucky enough to get an auto driver who understood the severity of the situation and waited should I need to be taken back to the station. I payed him extra and thanked him and waited with the rest of the passengers to board the bus which would take us to the station. Surprisingly, people showed tremendous restraint as they patiently waited for their turns to board the bus. Finally, after an hour, we were all taken to the station, given food kits and compartment numbers to board. Temperature was checked yet again before boarding the train. It was a chair car non- A/C passenger train which had space for 2 passengers in one seat. At 10.30 pm, the train started to Kerala. My co passenger was a mother of two from Delhi whose children were in Bangalore. They were heading to their newly built house in Kerala which was the safest to stay for them at the time! The journey became eventful having her by my side. We shared our experiences, our thoughts, life in Bangalore, life in Delhi, future life in Kerala, politics etc. The most suffocating experience was wearing a mask for 15 hours! But one couldn’t take any chances! Kudos to all the volunteers who relentlessly and patiently worked to see we reached our destinations safely! Special thanks to the Bengluru police, BMTC for their support.

Sleep was a disturbing one due to the chair car. But early morning when the train hit Palakkad station, the view, the greenery to be precise, was so refreshing! Though it was a direct train from Bangalore to Trivandrum, the train halted at 4 more stations in Kerala – Palakkad, Trissur, Ernakulam, Kottayam. The moment the train hit the station announcements started coming in – to stand in the designated areas marked for social distancing. The authorities wore Personal Protective Equipments (PPE). The journey now became eventful and filled with greenery. I ate the bun from the food kit I had got and ate the fruits I had packed for the journey. It was 12.30 pm, when I reached my station. At the counter they suggested institution quarantine as my parents were elderly. However, I convinced them for a home quarantine because I had the provision for a separate room with a separate entry and exit and having an attached bathroom. After they filled in my details, our baggage were probably fumigated and I had the option of either calling my father to pick me up from the station or be taken home in a private vehicle as I stayed half an hour from the station. I chose the latter because it was too late to call my father and it wasn’t allowed to wait at the station.

The private vehicle arranged was such the doors, dicky was opened by the driver himself and I had to place my baggage and remove them on my own. Hands were sanitized and after dropping me home, his car would be sanitized again before taking the next passenger. Throughout the proceedings I was very impressed by the arrangements made by the government. I just saw my parents while alighting from the car. I entered my room with an attached bathroom from a separate entrance. Thereafter, food was placed at my doorstep everyday till the quarantine got over. We never had a direct contact throughout the quarantine period. Health volunteers visited me and placed a “this house is in quarantine” sticker outside my house gate. The 2 months in my PG prepped me for the 2-week quarantine! All communication was either through Whatsapp or phone call. Finally, after quarantine got over, I got a certificate from the health inspector stating I was free of quarantine after being advised one by the state.

So many people are working hard day in day out to fight this pandemic! The least service I could do for them is staying home safely. My cousin who is a doctor had already instructed my mother on the quarantine measures to be taken before I took occupancy. Meanwhile my school friend too had given me the home quarantine guidelines. I think by far this has been the most interesting independent experience I have had, living in silos. I have been living away from my parents for the past 2.5 years.

Pictures 14: Heading for Qurantine

The most courageous thing for me was the train ride and the umpteen faith on the journey ahead. Of course, being Kerala, I knew I would be well taken care of. My parents being elderly, I also had the option during quarantine to get food delivered at my doorstep through volunteers at a nominal charge of Rs 20/meal. Since my mother insisted she would cook, I didn’t go for it. All in all, in the current scenario, I have so many people to thank to, so many moments to be proud and amazed at and most importantly, so many moments to pat on my back and tell myself – well done! 

Since staying with parents have limitations in terms of independence and freedom, I continued to entertain myself watching movies on Amazon Prime, Netflix, stand up comedies on you tube and my favorite - 2019 Magsaysay award winner Ravish Kumar’s speeches. Laughter and reality check can help to keep a mind active and sane. Reading and writing have now become occasional and I ain’t complaining. Circumstances and environment has changed and I too am taking things as it comes.  

Picture 15: Post lock down and room quarantine

To conclude - “A relationship with myself” is what I “earned” this lock down. I would make sure to talk to a close friend about how I felt till I became capable of managing my emotions on my own safe in the knowledge I could talk to her anytime. Similarly, she would talk to me the same manner. It is true when they say we “thrive” in relationships. From the webinar on relationships at work place I learnt, when we seek relationships, we are, in reality searching for ourselves and there’s nothing wrong in feeling lonely. “Acknowledging it” and moving “forward” to change it to a more positive feeling is a brave effort we could all attempt. Don’t at any point undermine your thoughts and feelings. I still do at times, despite knowing it. But like I said earlier (I am good enough, so being kind to myself is what I am practicing off late and seems to be the toughest challenge till date). “Seeking help” is another brave opportunity I am giving myself. Hanging in to the wonderful relationships I have with the realistic knowledge they are susceptible to change took me 2 months of lock down. Also, confronting an expectation not met and seeing what can be done amicably is another challenge I am sailing through with hiccups. I am neither defining them or myself through this experience. Because the right things have come to me when I least expected it. I had umpteen disappointments. Feeling stuck has been a horrible experience anytime and yet, by giving my mind the exercise to experience it has made only me a stronger individual for sure. 

Knowing who you are and what you can be is itself a great experience of “being”. Cherish it and seek hope, if possible, when there seems none at all because-

“Hope is a good thing, may be the best of things and no good thing ever dies” 

~ Shawshank Redemption

[lekshk]

Bangalore days - Nanna Life in Namma Bengaluru

If you hear the word Bangalore, which Malayali would say no? ~ Kuttan (Nivin Pauly's character from the movie Bangalore days) That was the case for me too but life had become stressful when I moved from Mumbai to Bengaluru a year back. My parents settled in Trivandrum, I was juggling between 3 cities. Three operations and a dialysis back to back, my move was a blessing because I could reach my parents faster anytime at a cheaper cost. However, the strain associated with it was good enough to take a toll of my mental health. I was missing Mumbai and all the struggles associated with moving to a new city were clearly affecting me. Work was equally demanding and even though I had a supportive team, I was always having a sense of not being able to give enough. Soon, I started becoming toxic to everything around me. Nothing made sense and I would get irritated at the drop of a hat. Loneliness started creeping in and it just felt like the odds are not in my favor. If only someone could understand me. That's when I came across this quote. Have 3 jobs in life – one that gives you salary, one that keeps you fit and one that gets you creative. ~ Unknown source What excited me reading it, I don't know. Probably the possibility of donning multifarious hats awoke my Mumbaikar spirit. Suddenly, I could feel the buzz and the energy in my bones and I started looking forward to it. To start with - Salary, well, I already had the job. What should I do to keep fit? That's when another quote struck! When you want something badly, the whole universe conspires to make it happen. ~ Pauolo Coehlo (The Alchemist) Salsa, Bachata, Jive – as if the ballet dancer in the picture of Dance with me studio was staring at me. I used to see it everyday while commuting to office, but how come I never payed attention to it?! So, dance it is! Fitness – check it off! Next- Creativity Again, Paulo Coehlo's words started ringing in my ears. I had always wanted to learn art. Cool, that's settled then! Enroll for art classes and burst your creativity! Now, a 9 hour job and Bengaluru traffic don't go hand in hand. I had to find a way where I could have the cake and eat it too! Soon, a time table was set considering the commute time and the space for intermittent relaxation periods. Because self care, while necessary, shouldn't become exhausting by overdoing it out of excitement of newfound strength and invincibility! You can conquer the world but hey! hey! take one day at a time! I realized weekdays I was out for work anyway. So, enrolling for classes on such days would be a good idea because that would ensure I attended them no matter how much ever tiring they seem because the traffic here would discourage you to step out of the house on weekends. I decided the weekends could be a leisurely one instead. Hence, I chose the less peak hours of 12 to 9 pm shift which fortunately my project had. Twice a week, I would attend dance classes in the mornings and freshen up in the office shower rooms and login to work. Surprisingly, even though initially, it was hectic, dance brought out joy in me. I would feel rejuvenated and work was becoming pleasurable. My face started to glow, I would joke with my colleagues, call my parents regularly. There was more laughter and happiness around. The remaining 3 days I would do simple yoga in the meditation room in the office premise. I also made it a point to spend half hour in the library known as the Information Resource Center (IRC). Reading edit page in Bangalore mirror became a ritual and attending video screenings arranged by IRC became part of the work DNA. It motivated me to work better and build effective relationships at work. I enrolled for art workshops during weekends and would spend an average of 3 hours of learning. Here, there was no pressure of commitment because it would be a one time activity and one could take our art work the same day. Soon, I ended up making macrames, dot mandalas, paintings using fluid water colors, acrylics and pallete knives. A finished art work would make me feel proud and the weekday stresses melted away in the art. The remaining hours went in cleaning my room, washing clothes, watching movies, go for shopping etc. The new found love for myself, made me even bolder now. I realized, I had always wanted to teach music. And lo! the opportunity came in and I got 3 kids between 5 to 16 years of age under my tutelage! I was now an entrepreneur! It was here Maya Angelou's words came to my rescue- If you get, give. If you learn, teach. I realized only when you give back to the society, your life becomes meaningful. And volunteering is a great way to start here. What better than TATA initiatives? I began teaching spoken English to security and house keeping staff once a week on weekdays. Though my joy grew multi fold, so did my work obligations. Volunteering on weekdays gradually became a distant possibility. But I was not to give up. When plan A doesn't work, there's always a plan B and the remaining 24 English alphabets! I decided to contribute through content creation instead of teaching and shifted volunteering to weekends instead of weekdays. This resulted in getting associated with other volunteering activities such as making doodles for road safety or attend awareness sessions on mental health or environment conservation or read stories to kids in a children's home. It is said that charity begins at home. For me, it began with myself. The moment I started to take care of myself, it got extended to my family and friends, colleagues and relatives, work place and communities. It was now time to give back to the city that embraced me with open arms. Through The Ugly Indian suggested by a dear friend, I contributed to this NGO's efforts to beautify Bengaluru by adopting the streets, flyovers, underpasses, metro stations, parks through simple geometrical wall paintings, garbage cleaning and sapling plantation, all of them famously known as spot fixing. I realized my problems were indeed manageable. And slowly my cribs turned into love. The expectations from myself, my family, work, colleagues, friends, relatives, communities became easier to maneuver. I started maintaining Gratitude and Thought journals. It is said that either you do what you like or like what you do. I know I have the capacity to look for things I want and pursue them. How about trying the other way round? i.e. instead of going for what I want, can I go for what is available? What does the city offer? Do I like it? Do I want to experiment with it? The answer was a big YES! Famous for numerous start ups, the city is active with events such as dialogues with books, travel, cinema, board games, comedy nights, karaokes in various cafes or at cubbon park and with film screenings and theater performances in metro station auditoriums too! People are ready to welcome new ideas and experiment with them. Boasting of cycling enthusiasts too, I also went for one day cycling trips. The Indian Heritage Walks (IHW) helped me see the city through a different lens. Karnataka being a state blessed with forests, beaches and heritage sites, weekend getaways are pretty popular in the city and I managed to visit Hampi (a long time wish, thanks to the Malayalam movie Aanandam) and Coorg through an adventure group and Karnataka State Tourism Development Corporation (KSTDC) respectively. My next in the wish list is Jungle lodges! As Bengaluru traffic is unavoidable and since I travel by AC Volvo buses of Bengaluru Metropolitan Transport Corporation (BMTC), I decided to read a book during the commute to not only avoid the boredom but to also add variety to my creative pursuits. Known also for pub culture, I reconnected with my cousins already settled here, and together, we explored pubs, fine dine restaurants, reminisced the old days, shared laughter, played poker, watched cricket matches and had loads of fun in simple terms! From all this I realized, when you know and accept who you are and then go for what you want, what you think, say and do, come in perfect harmony. You end up loving more, giving more and caring more. Genuinely. At the risk of sounding cliched, life is indeed a balance. It is simple but we make it complicated. That reminded me of a joke shared by a psychiatrist in the TV show Satyamev Jayate - Agar 100 saal ki zindagi, 10 saal mein jeena chahoge, toh pareshan hi rahoge na? (If you aim to live a 100 year life in 10 years, wouldn't you be stressed?) Now I give percentage of importance to all that matters to me. I neither chuck out anything or compromise anywhere. Because I know I can have it all but not all at once. I remind this kindly to myself and just play with the levels of significance. I try to be flexible enough to change them when necessary. I also try to embrace negative emotions like disappointments, anger, frustration and later change the way I feel about it. Now I don't feel like running away from the past or being afraid of the future. My endeavor instead has shifted to be the first rate version of my unique present. Trust me, it's very hard to practice but it is definitely worth giving a shot. I would like to end on a funny note, keeping in mind the pub culture of the city - When life throws lemons, I order a tequila. In true Bengalurean style, Enjoy Maadi!

Picture collection 1 - (From top to bottom) Family, Cousins, Friends

Picture collection 2 - Volunteering with The Ugly Indian

Picture collection 3 - Alumni meet with storytellers (Kathalaya Academy of Storytelling)

Picture collection 4 - (From top to bottom) Know Your Indian Roots, Dialogues with Books, Tipu Sultan Palace through IHW, SPIK MACAY Classical Vocal Concert

Picture collection 5 - Mime performance with TCS colleagues (Team Mounam)

Picture collection 6 - Art & Craft Workshops

Picture collection 7 - (From top to bottom) Story reading at children's home, doodling for traffic awareness, mental health awareness session at NIMHANS through Volunteer For Cause (VFC)

Picture 8 - Trip to Yelagiri with family and cousin's family

Last but not the least - my love for plants as a gift to all my wonderful readers

[lekshk]

Survival of the Fittest or Co existence?

Saw the English movie Joker. No words to describe the effect it has on the viewer. Set in the 80s in the Gotham city, it is violent and ghory. But man! It just shakes you up to a reality we have conveniently turned blind to! It's such a vicious cycle! It made me wonder - We show so much care when we read a baby on board sign in a car or towards an individual with disability or someone who's physically ill. Do we extend the same care towards depressed or mentally ill individual (s)? They don't come with a sign or a board, do they? May be someone had a divorce. May be someone lost their job. May be etc. etc. That made me ponder - How many of us ask a simple question like "how are you" as if we "care" to hear their answer? How many of us are nice to people who may be weaker than us or from whom we have nothing to gain personally? How many of us ever bother to ask - How was your day today? You seem worried. Do you wanna talk about it? And what if, like the joker says, "How about showing a little kindness to someone who's mentally ill as well as lonely?" Let's not to be harsh on them for their attempts to seek validation or their lack in self belief. Haven't we been in such situations or emotions at some stage in life? While some are lucky to be surrounded with people who have their backs, some aren't. If possible, let's lend a helping hand to the latter till they rise to their feet. Till they know, yes, the times are hard but this too shall pass and help is right away should they falter again. Isn't that what humanity is all about? Helping each other to feel equal, one step at a time? Since we live in a busy world, how about creating a boundary to the limit we can help them? Let there be accountability. A simple act of paying attention can take us a long way ~ Keanu Reeves History has proved there's nothing that cannot be accomplished through love and affection. It takes time but it's definitely worth it! Let's be vigilant on what's happening around us. It's probably upto us "social animals" to decide whether we choose survival of the fittest or co existence?

[lekshk]

Untouched by the Machine World

As a delegate at the seven day International SPICMACAY Convention (Jun 2019) at JNU Delhi, I had the opportunity to come across the diverse Indian culture in one go. There was a 3 hour yoga session early in the morning (Hath Yoga/Nada Yoga/Koodiyattam/Mindfulness) followed by a 3 hour intensive program in the mid part of the day (Music- Carnatic/Hindustani, Dance – From Bharatanatyam to Oddissi, Painting – From Rogan to Paper Mache) followed by Classical performances (which also included Choir, Gurubani etc) later in the evening. These performances also included gurus who had conducted the intensives. Being a trained Bharatnatyam dancer and a Carnatic vocalist, any Indian art form has always been a sacred space and a haven for me. Amongst the intensives, my favourite was the painting section. Be it Madhubani, Bhil, Pata chitra, Rogan, Wood carving or Masks, none of these can be reproduced in a machine! Now, this could be both a plus and a minus. Plus, because the creativity, novelty and the effort taken makes the art unique, pure and precious. Minus, because the art would die soon if it is not only kept intact in its purest form but also propagated as is. This made me wonder - how an art could be preserved? Are we all responsible in some way to take action here? What about those who aren't artistically inclined? Can they be initiated to these art forms as passive observers or connioussers? Gandhi’s mantra - Be the change you wish to see has literally become a part and parcel of my life! After a careful thought, I decided to learn the art and propagate it. Through learning, I will appreciate it more. And like Maya Angelou has said – If you get, give. If you learn, teach. The more I appreciate it, the more I would likely propagate it. Our rich heritage is something we could be proud of. Quoting Madhavan's dialogue from Rang De Basanti movie - कोई भी देश perfect नहीं होता । उसे perfect बनाना पड़ता है । Wouldn't it be great if we could use science and technology to appreciate ourselves for who we are in all its beauty and fervour, discarding the superstitions and retaining the cultural aspects that also shape us as a nation? I aim to study the paintings of India and how music and dance are inter related with it. Like for instance, the Oddissi movements (the bends or the curves) have implicit similarities to the figures of a Pata chitra (an art form in Orissa).

To start with,

Why were these art forms created? Was it to convey stories about the communities?

What were the customs followed at the time?

What were the colours used? What would happen if synthetic colours are chosen over natural ones? Will the art form still have the same beauty? What if it doesn't?

Why does Madhubani have imperfect figures?

What’s the secret of the gum in Rogan art?

How are the 5 colours processed for a Pata Chitra?

What’s Phad painting? How to do Paper cutting?

Why can’t these art forms be reproduced? Why no one wants to know more about them?

I want to go on a quest about our heritage and just be inj time, if not late, to preserve it before getting lost forever. Special thanks to SPICMACAY for taking such an ambitious task, humungous rather, to introduce Indian Classical Art forms in schools all over the country and arranging conventions like these with participation of over a 1000 schools across the length and breadth of the country with tutelage and performances of some of the finest artisits, the nation has ever produced! My sincere pranams to the team working towards it with all the zeal, enthusiasm, simplicity and sincerity. I feel truly blessed to be an Indian and fortunate enough to be part of this wonderful journey.

Picture: A PataChitra painted by me using natural colors

[lekshk]

What does sports mean to you?

It is said that, have 3 jobs in life - "One that gives you salary One that keeps you fit One that lets you be creative" My first venture into sports started with the Fit 4 Life (F4L) initiative. Till that time, the only connection I had with sports was participating in athletics in school. As a child, I was more of a fine arts person. So, apart from studies, my extra curricular activities pertained to fine arts. Therefore, years later when I got an opportunity to explore a sport/sports to keep myself fit through F4L, I thought of working on it seriously. Step 1 - I started with running. However, running 5 km in Powai run itself seemed like a task! I wondered how people ran 21 or 42 km! So, one thing became clear from this - Running is not my cup of tea. Then what next? Neither did I know swimming nor did I play racket sports. Suddenly, I felt so ashamed of myself for not knowing a single sport! I hence made a resolve to learn something to log my hours into. As luck would have it, I happened to overhear a conversation on cycling. Cycling? Is that a sport?! Wow! this is something I could try. Thank god, I learnt cycling in childhood. Step 2 which now became mission 1 – Find out more about cycling More inquiries led me to Youth Hostels Association of India (popularly known as YHAI). Awesome! They conduct trekking and cycling expeditions. Perfect place to start, I thought. Having read Satyajit Ray's Feluda story - The Golden Fortress (Sonar Killa), it was my dream to visit the golden fortress in Jaisalmer. So, finally, I packed my bags for my first solo trip - The Thar Desert cycling expedition at Jaisalmer (Refer Jaisalmer Diaries). Step 3 – When cycling became a passion The Jaisalmer experience got me hooked to cycling. Thereafter I did Jalori pass and Goa cycling expeditions. Jalori Pass was my first into mountain biking. I knew it was going to be tough but little did I fathom it was more than that.The roads of himachal got worse as we progressed ahead. By the time we reached Jibhi and moved ahead to Sojha, I was in tears because the ride was gruelling to the core. One could hardly pedal a few paces and then one had to stop. The roads were that bad. I had to drag my cycle most of the time. I had 3 other companions who constantly motivated me to complete the journey. This was the first time I realized cycling could be punishable too. I also understood why one feels humble when one conquers the mountains. Behind the beautiful valleys, there lies a message that one achieves success through patience, hard work and humility. One good thing Jalori pass did was prepare me for Goa. Go Goa in December and you can feel the magic of that place. Being a keralite born and brought up in mumbai, my body is used to tropical climates. So, one can imagine the excitement I had by the mere mention of Goa. The terrain in Goa is way different from Jaisalmer or Himachal. The beaches have a calming effect on your nerves. But the humid climate could make cycling a tiring effort. Having said that, Goa is a wonderful route to explore. Riding through the forests or on the beach or a steep uphill, Goa offers multiple challenges on the go. There comes a point where you have to go downhill through a series of hairpin bends. You would skip heartbeats just looking at them. I have never concentrated so much in my life. Slowly and steadily you have to release the brakes or else you would end up jumping into the valley. Even today it gives me goosebumps when I think of how I rode through them. This was the time I realized the value of friendship. Cycling is an individual sport. But the beauty lies in the fact that in expeditions, even though you are riding alone, having your friends back is a wonderful, wonderful feeling. Experienced cyclists too can have a punctured tyre. All 3 expeditions gave me ample opportunities to give and receive support. And finally, what does sport mean to me? Today sports for me is a way of life. It teaches you discipline, team work, concentration, presence of mind, perseverance, creativity and personal style, grit and determination, humility and most importantly, how to enjoy. To conclude, sports unites people irrespective of caste or creed. People forget whether you are rich or poor, intelligent or dull. If you are good at a sport and can help win, then that's what matters.

[lekshk]

The Power Within

"The more we are willing to accept what is and not what we thought; we will find ourselves exactly where we belong." ~ Unknown source This is a concept I never understood before. I have always been the kind of person who changes destinies, fights them to create my own. It took me almost 28 years to at least give this concept a thought. Well, I still fight but this thought is there somewhere in the storeroom of my mind. I take it out sometimes and it does give me peace. Four years back I took a decision that changed my life forever. I broke a perfect glass vase and the broken pieces hurt a lot of people including me. And I would criticize myself so much I soon went into depression. It was during this time I came across an example- No matter how much ever you crush an orange; all that comes out is orange juice. That's when I realized I can only offer what I have within. And if it is unhappiness, resentment, anger, guilt, self-doubt, then that's what’s going to come out in some form or the other. All I knew was who I want to be but I didn’t know who I was because that’s something I never ever gave it a thought! The process is an actual reverse- you have to know who you are first, then based on that knowledge either love and /or be kind to yourself and then become who you want to be. I was so unhappy I would spread unhappiness around and it looked as if a fire had broken out in a forest! And the level of toxicity had gone to such an extent I blamed all and sundry for my unhappiness. So, I decided to break this pattern. But I didn't know where to start. Since I am a movie buff, I got a cue from one of the movies (Bangalore Days) to prepare a checklist of all the things I wanted to do before I die. So, I started by creating a film and dramatics club, taught Spoken English to adults, went for a cycling expedition in Jaisalmer. I was living my so called "last" days to the fullest. And I was so much in love with myself that each day was a celebration for me! Suddenly, I am no longer what the situation demands me to be. I am just who I am and for some reason it was liberating! It was also during this period, the new me fell into a series of relationships -an outcome I wasn't prepared for. Soon, without realizing, I was heading to a depression spiral again because after the initial phase of excitement, boredom started to sink in and there was a constant effort to fit the new me into these relationships. My focus soon shifted, I was making mistakes at work, I was self-critical, would go angry one moment and calm the next, would rebel the moment I heard the word "no" and got into the horrible feeling that everyone is against me. And yet again, it was time to break this pattern. But instead of a checklist this time, I decided to take professional help because I was looking for a permanent solution. A chance look at a flex on Listening post at my workplace, made me reach out to them in desperation. Now, I don't know whether it was Karma or I was at the right place at the right time, I got a counselor who matched my wavelength (a movie buff to be precise and a book lover too!). Here was a lady who not only listened to me but also gave me home works (turned out there are no free lunches here!). She gave me books to refer to (Brene Brown’s Gifts of Imperfections and Margaret Mitchell’s Gone with the Wind) and to my delight, movies I could take examples from (the list endless). Initially, I resisted her challenges (partly because I always had guy friends and was uncomfortable talking to women on personal stuff), but embraced later because somewhere I knew she was right and I felt like trusting her. It wasn't she agreed on everything I said, in fact, we disagreed, most of the time. But she had a calm, bedside manner which was supplemented with insane scolding and at the back of my mind I knew I have someone who would both challenge and hold me at the same time if I fall. She gently pushed me to face my fears, the pain associated with it, the discomfort that came along with it, the shame and vulnerability that got exposed with it. I was in the mud pool (of uncomfortable topics) only to realize daag acche hai later! The counselling sessions went on for a year and gradually became an integral part of my evolution journey. After that, unfortunately, our sessions ended abruptly when the Listening Post counselors changed to Icall. Now I understand why distance grows the hearts fonder. I missed her to the core and didn’t know she was family! But I also remembered one of her comments in a session of how proud she was to see the progress I had made. Well, I have always been an obedient student (chuckles). Jokes apart, though I didn't know we wouldn't be speaking thereafter, today, after being a teacher myself, I understand the sense of fulfillment she had knowing, I had managed to grab the essence of the tools she had given to cope up and I am ready to sail through on my own now. Today, my approach to relationships (of any nature), work or rather life is far more authentic and wholehearted. The perfection streak hasn’t gone completely yet (in fact it does wonders at times), but the love now is more genuine and heart felt, the gratitude more sincere and a ray of "hope" things are going to get better. I still struggle with sense of belonging and worthiness. I still make mistakes, become judge mental at times, and get arrogant/angry/jealous/feel hatred. However, this time, I am more aware of what's happening to me and I respond to such triggers with, "Hey, watch out! Grab your tools, it's time for action!!!" As a first step I have started creating boundaries and hold people accountable. Do you know how powerful that is? I can choose who/what I want to do/be. I get to choose every single day! I acknowledge the feeling, either writes it down unfiltered, truthfully in my thought journal or state it in my mind, take a deep breath and then change the way I feel about it if it is distressing me. Today I know, all power is within me. I have to deep dive inside to get answers and also love myself during that exploration. Both have to go hand in hand. I also reach out when stuck. I realize I don’t need to hold it together every minute, every single day. And whenever possible, I thank those who contribute to my growth. But let me be honest, there are days when I want to be exactly what's expected of me. Also, I no longer aspire to be someone. I am only inspired by their thoughts or ideas or actions. I now strive to become a better version of myself. Again, all this is a choice if you look at it. Finally, I have prepared a mantra or a route map for myself to help me get back when lost (PS: It's flexible to change) My mantra is on, what's yours?

[lekshk]

From CarnivOl to CarnivAl

Usually, when it comes to gatherings, despite being gregarious, I sometimes prefer my own company. These are the times when I choose merging over mingling with the crowd. I get into an observer mode. At other times, I become the life of that gathering. It is only recently I came to terms with these personalities of mine. So, when Volunteer For a Cause (VFC), a not for profit group of volunteers from Bangalore, working on 17 different causes every weekend, was looking for volunteers for a fest exclusively for children with physical and mental impairments, I wasn't sure whether I want to be part of it. The event, known as Carnivol, was to be conducted on a Sunday, 08 Dec 2019. The date was carefully chosen to coincide with the days commemorating internationally, persons with disabilities (PWD) and volunteering spirit on 03 and 05 Dec respectively.The target audience was 400 in number. Whether it was the magnanimity of the event or its ambitious nature, the volunteer in me instinctively said yes, blissfully forgetful of the fact mingling with the crowd could be a potential turn off. Having realized the enormity of the decision taken later, I went back to all those days where I felt it was difficult yet not impossible. And thankfully, in all the experiences, little discomforts had become amusing memories later. All I had to do was have the will to take a chance and give myself enough time for things to take its course. Therefore, I decided to take baby steps. I joined the team handling content and installations. Decorations were happening every weekend and irrespective of whichever team one was in, everyone was part of it. Art and craft has always been an ally to me. So, my participation in decorations was spot on. Whether it was to stick m&m replicas to ice cream cones or cut cup cakes or geometric figures and stick silver paper to it, the inner child in me navigated through seamlessly. As if I knew where to go. After finishing the day's work, we all gathered for a group picture holding the colorful decorations made for the day. Now I understood, as part of mental health, why it is important to spend at least 20 minutes on a creative activity. It is because it helps you go back to your childhood days of being in the present with no care in the world state of mind. Like any human interaction, the volunteer meet up every weekend was no different. There were fights, playful banter, serious conversations, assigning roles and responsibilities and of course, loads of fun. Finally, came the dreaded task of putting the stationaries back to its place. So, at the end of the day, I either volunteered to segregate the stationaries collected or putting them back to their designated place or clean the place. After 2 weekends, my brain became free for thoughts on content for the event. I pursued the task single minded. Wherever I went, my eyes scanned for material that could convey PWD's story, the do's and dont's and how I could realign my behavior that conveyed dignity and respect towards them not only in words but also in actions. The other team members too got into action and started sharing whatever they could. Starting from understanding trend sure projects to the PWD act, so many insights and reflection points came out for me. I remember on the day of the event, when I was sticking the success stories in one of the stalls in the morning and watching the participants perform later in the day, I was lost in deep thoughts. Ironical isn't it, these are kids who either cannot see or hear or speak or have a disorder or struggle to walk without support, yet nothing seems to stop them from leading fulfilling lives while some of us struggle to make a meaningful existence despite having healthy bodies and minds. I was standing at the entrance of the auditorium to ensure no kid goes unattended and also watch the performances simultaneously. After lunch, the kids were taken to the play area where trampolines, toy trains, slack lines, rope ladders awaited them. Whether it was assisting some of the kids to wear the safety gear to climb the rope ladder as part of the adventure sports arranged for them or helping another to use the exercise equipment in the park gym or just holding hands to help walk on the slack line or asking a girl about her fellow classmates using the limited sign language I knew when I found her near the swing away from them or waving at the kids on the toy train, every action of mine was a test in itself of my comfort zones. Towards the end of the event, all volunteers formed a human chain on either side right from the entrance of the auditorium till the exit to clap hands for each kid for trusting us to be part of a day designed exclusively for them. In the process, I also patted my back for trusting my instinct and sailing through the day victoriously! I had no plans to share this story. But the image of a girl with mental impairment excitedly kissing the soft toy she got as a return gift lingered in my mind. It made me ponder about my own reactions to certain situations in my life. Such a simple gesture, isn't it? Pure, unfiltered joy! How does age or an impairment matter? That was the most authentic response even adults don't exhibit! I also recalled another boy who started talking excitedly to me in Marathi when he got to know I could speak the language! That sense of familiarity and belonging excited him further to chatter to a complete stranger - me. No presumptions but sheer innocence to share his happiness. In the process of growing up, where did we loose that unblemished expression of our emotions? It gave me food for thought to be comfortable with who I am and appreciate myself for it so as to become who I want to be in this connectedly disconnected world! The icing on the cake happened shooting a video of one of the installations. That was fun! It wasn't pre planned, hence there wasn't time for retakes or rehearsals. It was impromptu and straight from the heart with the initial awkwardness. I realized, as volunteers, knowingly or unknowingly, we criticize or point fingers at each other when things don't happen a certain way or they aren't where they were supposed to be. I think those are the imperfections we exhibit as humans at such moments. Gandhi's words be the change we wish to see now made true sense to me. So, I stayed back to help remove the installations and putting the materials back to their designated place. Now, the day ended with satisfaction for me. And tomorrow would be a better one! Carnivol 2019 is over. Don't know what's in store next year, where I would be, what I would do. One thing is for sure - like I said earlier, a little discomfort now becomes a potential amusing memory later. This experience has only strengthened my resolve to continue volunteering come what may. I get to interact with people who have accepted their adversities with so much grace and converted it to something positive and meaningful. Thanks to that girl, I am sharing this story now. Because the lesson I learnt or keep learning from each experience and this experience too was - All you need is 20 seconds of insane courage, literally, 20 seconds of embarassing bravery and I promise you something great would happen (~ We bought a zoo) And specially for all the wonderful kids (and adults) out there- Don't let fear stop you from doing the thing you love (~ Sing)

[lekshk]

Joy Baba Felunath! Growing up with Feluda

“If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all.” ~ Oscar Wilde Such was the case when my father gave me 2 volumes of Satyajit Ray’s “The Complete Adventures of Feluda” when I was in 10th standard. So addicted was I, I wouldn’t let go of them even during my boards! For all those who are unaware, Felu (Pradosh Chandra Mitter fondly called Felu) “da” (aka big brother) is the Indian Sherlock Holmes who is super intelligentand possesses capacities best fitted to a sleuth. Tapesh (or Topshe as he calls him), is his adolescent cousin, who, as the Watson of the story, describes their adventures. Sonar Killa (or The Golden Fortress) introduces a third character, Lalmohan Babu, a funny looking man who writes cheap crime thrillers and provides, as the author says, dollops of humour to the Feluda stories. The trio make the 3 musketeers with Uncle Siddhu as Mycroft. As one reads the stories, one would realize that the author himself was an ardent admirer of Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes. Deeply influenced by his scientific method of deduction, his target audience was children. And therefore, the stories were "clean" in content, i.e. it only had a modicum of violence, no illicit love etc. Despite this, it equally appealed to adults too. The fact that the author was a multi-talented personality with interests in varied range of subjects is evident from his stories. Feluda is an avid reader, knows more than 100 card tricks, is dextrous, loves food and travel (and read about a new place before visiting it), has keen interest in fine arts and is kind of a recluse (despite which he exhibits tremendous empathy towards the victims who approach for help). An ace shooter, he carries the .colt 32 revolver. The Indian setting (Sherlock was based in London and Feluda in Bengal) made it easy to connect with and an adolescent narrating the story resonated with me because I too was one when I first read them. Feluda and Topshe are first cousins and since the former is twice the age of the latter, he always gives a fair mix of patronizing and brotherly love to Topshe who is simply happy to be Feluda’s satellite. And I too believed of being one despite having a brother 10 years elder to me! Having traveled to numerous states of India and abroad to solve cases, Topshe’s narrative of the places no way sound like a tourist guide. So exquisite are they, it inspired me to travel all the way from Mumbai to Jaisalmer (a dream come true) to see the Golden Fortress (read The Golden Fortress in English or Sonar Killa in Bengali) and Benaras (read The Mystery of the Elephant God in English or Joy Baba Felunath in Bengali). I remember shouting Joy Baba Felunath in the evening Arati at Dashwamedh Ghat in Varanasi and Sonar Killa the moment I stepped inside the Jaisalmer fort, reminiscing the scenes- Mukul kothai, Mukul Kothai with the local guide!

The language so simple and lucid, you will fall in love with Feluda stories in no time. And Lalmohan Babu’s stupidities will ensure it is okay to be imperfect and vulnerable and laugh about it! Adult or a kid, Feluda is a must read to see the genius of one of the greatest film makers and a prolific writer- Satyajit Ray. And like Ernest Hemingway has said- “There is no friend as loyal as a book.” I found one in Feluda. What about you?

[lekshk]

Here Comes The Stooooory Telleeeeeer!!!

"I am a story teller, I am a story teller

 I can tell a tale, I can tell it well"

- By a famous African lady story teller

Life’s such a mixed bag of stories. Some are happy, some are sad, some are funny, some are mad! But nevertheless, storytelling has always been part of tradition. Probably, man must have started sharing experiences through drawings, gradually progressing to sounds, then speech and then writing. Some could have been fictional while some must have happened for real. I guess what started as an act of sharing experiences must have slowly developed into story telling.

Stories have always fascinated me. I have grown up reading Amar Chitra Katha, Panchatantra, Hitopadesha stories and even today certain stories are fresh in my mind. The colorful illustrations just thrilled me. I remember I once wanted to be an illustrator! But look at the turn of events! I never knew I would end up storytelling!

A workshop on how to become a playwright (by the famous play wright Ramu Ramanathan) last year, opened me up to such an extent that I felt free and light as a helium balloon! I have never felt so liberated in my life! In that process, I also got an opportunity to do a basic course in story telling at Kathalaya, Bangalore under the guidance of the famous story teller Mrs. Geeta Ramanujam. A chance interaction with the kids of my organization's (Basic healthcare services) Phulwaris (Rural creches) wherein I had to recite poems to them and teach the Phulwari workers how to effectively use poems and stories while they engage the kids, made me wonder whether I should actually consider story telling seriously? My brains already packed with the stories of Rajasthan (bravery, valor, honor) and witnessing puppet shows, my heart was seeking to vent out and immerse myself into the stories.

So, when I got a chance to attend the advances in storytelling this time, I knew this was something I would love to do and it went out to be an experience surpassing my own expectations. I had transformed into this one individual I could hardly recognize! What was more exciting was my interaction with the fellow story tellers and each of us so different, having such distinct styles that it was lovely to realize that variety indeed is the spice of life!

So, my dear friends, sharing with you my first in storytelling. An adorable audience, kids are a pleasure to work with.

As Anon has rightly said -

Enjoy telling, that is the greatest gift you can give to listeners

So, hope you enjoy my storytelling just as much as I had performing.

[lekshk]

Seasons change, do we?

I always thought home is where the heart is. And no matter whichever corner of the world you are in, how many friends you make, the number of accomplishments you have, at the end of the day, I am home is a wonderful feeling.

However, I actually got scared when I heard people who have been living away for long get bored whenever they headed home. At first, I couldn’t understand what they meant by it. There was neither the excitement of meeting the family nor a heaviness of leaving them. They were more like guests in their own house! Will I too feel the same? What is home anyway? Is there a possibility that certain things just don’t change? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if they were as is?

Before I could run my imagination wild, I told myself to let it be. Give room for things to unfold on their own. I have heard that change is the only thing that is constant. So trust your guts, listen to your intuitive heart and stay true to yourself – Because, home is where the heart is.

[lekshk]

Meter down

There’s no right time for anything. The day you decide, that’s the right time.

Time, time and time- The clock’s ticking all the time. Life’s so short and there are so many things to do, one has got to hustle. Well that made me wonder, are we living our lives? Or do we dream it? Or do we do both?

Walt Disney has said “if you can dream it, you can do it”.

So, what are dreams? For me, they are a hope to live, something to look forward to in life. There are a lucky few who realize it very early while there are some who do so later in their lives. So, is there a right time to dream?

I remember reading that once you see a pattern it is very difficult to unseen it. So, did I until a certain incident in my life shook me to the core that I felt I would die soon. The net result- a checklist of things I want to do before turning 30. Never did I realize that these were my dreams penned down on paper. It’s said that hope is but the dream of those who wake. And when I woke to achieve them, I could sense a new-found energy in my bones and my brain and the heart aligned themselves to set me upon a journey. This journey wasn’t a bed of roses all the time but the list getting ticked off gave me immense confidence.

When I finally shared my story, and heard others in the process, the one thing I found common to all of us the triumphant feeling left us all humble considering the sweat and determination that went into it.

Then, 3 things became clear for me –

“Living a dream is a journey and not a destination.

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream.

And we all live twice in our lives – once in our dreams and once in reality”.

[lekshk]

WELCOME TO BACCHON KI PHULWARI

Statement: “आपका बच्चा कुपोषित है“

Reaction: “लेकिन यहाँ पर तो हर बच्चा एक जैसा ही दिखता है!”

“ये कुपोषण क्या है?”

She’s right! All children look the same. How do you expect the mother to understand that her child is underweight or malnourished?

Oh! Underweight and malnourished are 2 different terms, is it?

Yes, it is. You need to be very careful while using terminologies. Let me explain.

कुपोषण – Underweight

अति कुपोषण – Severely Underweight

गंभीर कुपोषण – Severe Acute Malnutrition (SAM)

Aha! So, how’s it identified?

To begin with, the visible signs would be –

skinny or thin hands or legs

loose, saggy or wrinkled skin on the buttocks

swollen stomach

pitted edema legs (i.e. pressing causes an indentation that persists for some time after the release of pressure)

Another way is through growth charts. You need to plot weight on the y axis and age on the x axis. The area is divided into the above 3 terms. Where the points on x and y axis meet, that’s the category the child falls into.

Initially the growth charts weren’t colorful.

Now, with colorful growth charts, identification is even more easier.

My goodness! Now that's something. So, how's it getting tackled here?

Well, remember how we started? All kids look the same. That's the idea! If one child looks different, maybe they'll understand the difference.

So, inspired by the "Phulwaris" run in Chatthisgarh, Basic health care services, started "Phulwaris" in South Rajasthan for the age group of 6 months to 5 years. These are nothing but rural creches where the mothers can leave their child while they are off to work. The "Phulwari workers"would look after the children till they come to pick them up. They would be fed in a timely manner; they would be engaged with songs or games or toys and put to sleep by these workers.

Sounds interesting! Tell me more!

The Phulwaris are open Monday to Saturday from 9 am to 5 pm.

There are 2 Phulwari workers who are local women. Their tasks are delegated and can be rotated to break the monotony.

So, in the morning, while one is busy cleaning the Phulwari, the other goes to the houses to get the children - i.e. asking the mothers to send their children. They are also asked to send with them a pair of clothes so that if needed, they can be changed during the day.

So, the kids are expected to be at the Phulwari by 9.30 am. While one worker would be busy preparing the morning porridge (Sattu) after cleaning the Phulwari, the other must clean their hands and legs, check their nails, put oil in their heads and comb them.

The kids are fed three times a day - by 10-10.30 am, they are given sattu (jau, chana, wheat and sugar) with 2 teaspoons of oil; by 1 pm they are given khichdi (with 2 teaspoons of oil) with boiled egg; by 4 pm, its khichdi again with 2 teaspoons of oil.

For games, they have been given plastic toys which are cleaned on a regular basis as they tend to put it in their mouths. Also, these have slides and see saws along with colourful charts to engage them actively.

Interestingly, the local provider of sattu is the one who also provides a different version to the anganwadis :)

After the first round of sattu, while one is busy washing the utensils, the other must wash their hands and mouth and engage them till it’s time for khichdi.

BY 5 pm, the mothers are expected to come to the Phulwari to take their children home.

Now apart from the nutritional aspect, some interesting features in these Phulwaris are-

Many of the Phulwari workers are illiterate. Please note this point. I think this is a very good example of empowerment. The fact that these women have been selected based on their abilities to do what we call routine stuff or day to day activities is something commendable! Managing on an average 12 children every day is not a joke! They pee, might defecate, may not eat properly, cry a lot, put plastic toys in their mouth and what not! I heard there are certain other Phulwaris or Balwadis as they are known in some areas have a single worker handling on an average 25 children!

Certain Phulwaris which are newly opened have children who cry at the drop of a hat. While there are some who become friendly immediately. Curious at first, I got to know later, that the latter have frequent visitors. So, they aren’t intimated by strangers and become friendly instantly.

What few grams of nutritious meal can do to a kid! Isn’t it marvelous to see them hale and hearty and having a weight appropriate to their age and height. Even a mere increase of 400 g gives happiness!

A SAM kid who gained 600 g in a week and has now moved from -3 SD to -2 SD Understand, that at clinic level, for immediate relief, they are either given Ready To Use Therapeutic Food (RUTF) or Sattu based on World Health Organization (WHO) simplified field tables.

In case you have observed, the growth charts only consider the weights. Whereas, in the above table, the plotting also considers the height in cms. Because the age is already taken into consideration as these tables are for those belonging to the age group of birth to 2 years and 2 to 5 years. Note that the tables are separate for both boys and girls. Now, the nutrition requirement is, For 1 kg body weight, 100 calories (cal) are required. 1 packet of RUTF = 500 cal So as per body weight, the number of RUTF packets are given.

Thus, those children falling under -3 SD category, it is RUTF till they reach -2 SD. The maximum duration of treatment is 4 to 5 weeks. At -2 SD, they are given Sattu till they reach -1 SD. The maximum duration is 2 weeks. And finally, I officially welcome you all to the Bacchon ki Phulwari -

[lekshk]

WHEN SILENCE “BECAME” GOLDEN

Curiosity led me take up a 10 day Vipassana course. I couldn’t understand what was the hype all about?

So here’s a gist of my experience –

Vipassana is all about “observing” with a neutral mind. Happiness doesn’t get you carried away and sadness doesn’t lead you to anxiety.

Note: Happiness and Sadness are going to be there EVERY moment. They would just keep on CHANGING. As in, they would rise, then they would fall, rise again and fall again. Its a continuous process.

Note again: You are OBSERVING. Its like walking into an art gallery. I see painting number 1, I like it. Then I move to painting number 2. May be I like it again. Then to painting number 3. This time I don’t like it. Then I move to painting number 4, I either like or dislike it.

So WHAT THE HELL IS THE DIFFERENCE?

Well my friends, don’t you see? I am not sticking to one painting. If I liked 1, am not standing the whole day staring only at that. I move to the next one. But hey, I move only after knowing what feeling it evoked in me. Similarly I didn’t stand the whole day staring at the painting I disliked. But hey, hey, I did move on only after knowing what was it all about.

Change is the only thing that’s constant. Oh lord! this is what it meant? What a fool I was to quote them at places without even knowing what it is! इससे बड़ी मूर्खों वाली बात और क्या हो सकती है?

I recall the initial 7 days were an absolute disaster. I was like why am I torturing myself?

Day 7 was when I was beginning to understand what this torture is all about and boy! the realization has been simply amazing. No amount of “गंगा स्नान” is going to give you this experience.

I have just performed a deep surgery of my mind and goodness me- कितने गहरे घाव है मेरे! एक एक करके उभरकर आये!

So the next time someone says “move on”, at least now I know what it means! They are not 2 mere words people. Its work man, serious work. It’s a mind’s surgery, a deep one and removing the wound from its roots and not letting a fresh one to “stay” on the cleansed part! “You can’t stop it from coming but you can stop it from staying”.

“Observe” the truth furnishing “at” the moment. They won’t stay long. They have to change.

I see a lot of people keeping a happy face even when they are writhing with pain or had a bad day or feeling awful! I did that too some years back. But boss, that’s not the goal. Face the horrible, feel it with a realization that this too shall pass

Well, I also observed silence (not even gestures to communicate) for 10 days as a rule. It was as if I am the only person on planet earth. And now I know why silence is golden

[lekshk]

CHALO GARBA RAMVA NE – LET THE FESTIVITIES BEGIN!!!

“केम छो? मज्जा मा!”

“सू बात छे!”

“मारी पाछ्न अंयां सुधि आवि गयो!”

“चलो गरबा रामिये”

I had always wanted to play Garba. But somehow I had so much of inferiority complex, I never played one despite ample opportunities in Mumbai, the place I was born and brought up in. Usually for Malayalees, or I think any South Indian, dance is all about being graceful, the moves pleasant to the eyes of the viewer and for the performer, it’s surrendering to the God (the Bhakti Bhaava). The fact that dance can also be fun was never thought of. As a trained Bharatnatyam dancer, all I remember was to get my moves right, the right expression, the right posture and my teacher ensured that all her scolding took us students to the right direction.

I broke this mould of thought at TCS where I got to participate in a group dance competition. Since I didn’t get much opportunities in college, I grabbed this prospect. Thanks to my guru, my foundation was pretty strong. Dancing on the Marathi song “turu turu chalu nako” increased my confidence. I realized that dancing can actually be amusing. It didn’t matter what the audience thought about me. All I knew was I am here to enjoy.

So when it was time for Navratri this year, I actually thanked my lucky stars for getting placed in Rajasthan. Ahmedabad just 7 hours away from Salumbar, the place I am currently residing in, my dancing shoes couldn’t wait any longer.

On the 8th day of Navratri, which was a Saturday, I enquired at the bus stop for the bus timings. 7 am sounded perfect to me and I quickly packed my bags for the impending trip. The night went in thinking how to finish the rest of the vegetables, how there are too many clothes to iron! What to cook for tomorrow morning? What jewellery do I take?

Sunday morning, cold though it was, geared me up to get up early and set out on an exciting journey to Amdavad!

It was already 7 am and I was just past midway to the bus stop. I stopped the bus shaking my hands vigorously.

“कहाँ जाओगे?

अमदावाद uncle

चलो अंदर”

Ha! Caught the bus on time. Happily munching on my breakfast, I had a friendly chat with the conductor because obviously my Plazo and Bandana was making him visibly excited to ask about –

“कहाँ से हो?”

“सलूम्बर में क्या कर रहे हो?”

“अमदावाद में क्या काम है?”

“केरल में हिंदी इतना अच्छा बोल लेते हैं?”

As soon as I crossed the Rajasthan-Gujarat border, we entered the highway with wonderful roads. I could sense the nervous excitement tickling in my bones. So finally am here! All the sign boards in Gujarati! I was happily trying to read them.

ये ‘क’ है और ये ‘ध’

I could hardly believe it. My co fellow Sanjana must have called me umpteen number of times to know where I was! The place where the bus halted for lunch was alright but the toilets? Horrible! Wonder what swacchta abhiyaan did to these areas!

Man, the bus got stuck at Naroda! The heat and the thirst was driving me mad. I got off agitated and took a cab to my cousin’s place in South Bopal. She was also waiting for me concerned. After all the person who was supposed to reach at 2 ended up at 4 pm!

No questions, please! खाना देदो मुझे !

I was hogging as if I haven’t seen food for days. When I dozed off I didn’t even realize! Finally, when I woke up, it was time for Garba!

I quickly got ready and called up Sanjana for the venue details. By 9 pm, the 6 of us – my dear friends Sanjana, Nitika, Yatti, Amarpreet, Harsh and myself were at the venue. I was initially skeptical what will I perform when I saw so many students in their traditional costumes at H.L college of commerce, the venue. But later on, I thought, I have come all the way here for this, lets nail it!

As Mark Twain has rightly said “Dance like no one’s watching”

What began thereafter was an evening to remember. Fighting with the organizers for what according to them is traditional to finally pushing ourselves in, I played the Garba of my life. My initial steps were with my blue coloured Dandiya sticks but later on the groups that were getting formed were all for Garba. We finally threw our sticks in the center of our circle.

“गरबा तो गरबा, अपने को क्या?”

Apparently, none of us knew Garba.

“वैसे डांडिया भी तो नहीं आता था!”

Sanjana and myself realized that we are just inventing steps. Why not check with someone who knew the steps? We joined one group and we found a cute guy generous enough to show us 2 important steps which we played the entire night! He taught us so well that even now that I am back in Salumbar, I do play at times in my room. It was that fun!

We played till 11 pm, had Chinese food and dozed off to sleep the moment we checked into our rooms in the hotel. The spinning, the clapping, the jumping ensured that all 208 bones were in action. We were so visibly tired which though we didn’t realize then in excitement, we understood it next day morning when we got up at 10 am!

The day finally ended for me watching Mirza at the open theatre “Drive in cinema”. Though the movie was worth forgetting, the ambiance? worth to remember. I have never sat in a cinema theater with legs up on the seats! We applauded, danced, shouted in the open air – super-duper fun.

Though my pseudo Garba outfit from Mumbai made my co fellows envious, this dress now gets even more special. Not to forget my Rajasthani chappals, bangles and necklace from Udaipur.

“जब केरल की छोरी पहुंचे राजस्थान और नाचे धूम धाम से अमदावाद में, तो diversity का मज़ा ही कुछ और हो जाता है”

The last day of Navratri was the day the Gujjus became super crazy. i was like –

“इनको सोना भी है या नहीं? Dancing like idiots till 4 am in the morning!”

But the one thing I liked about them is this – “खाओ, पीयो, ऐश करो”

Rather than the Malayali funda–

“पढ़ो, लिखो, Decent living बनाओ”

At least for once, it felt different. It felt nice to be stupid and crazy.

I literally burst out laughing when I asked my aunt –

“दशहरा में यहाँ क्या होता है ?

Gujjus जलेबी और फाफड़ा खाएंगे”

And finally, I too had my share of Jalebi, Fafda with Papaya chutney and Kadi along with my sumptuous Kerala meal which I was missing so much after my mother went back to Mumbai from Salumbar.

So to conclude,

“Dance your lungs out”. This is NOT a competition to win.

“Create moments”.”Make it special”. As we are already fighting a battle within ourselves.

“Go for what you want, face your fears”

This festival taught me to be crazy head to toe, to forget my imperfections.

And finally, meeting co fellows is fun. I am so surprised how much I have changed over the years. I don’t even remember ever meeting someone in a third place save for my frequent trips to Kerala to meet my relatives.

The bus ride back to Salumbar left a trail of some wonderful Garba memories behind and lots of moments to smile about.

“Well, Diwali is around the corner and the festivities continue!”

[lekshk]

Swasthya ka Ped- Hastha Khilta

The world is a complicated place, and there's a lot of division between people. The performing arts tend to unify people in a way nothing else does.

What a wonderful way of explaining the power of fine arts! David Rubenstein just nailed it!

I was thinking of the Amar Chitra Katha days and how my life was filled with numerous stories- each ending with a message. I am not sure whether it was the simple language or the colourful illustrations that did the trick. But they do stay in my mind even today. Well that made me realize that pictures create a deep impression in our minds. When that’s combined with audio visual works, they definitely create a deeper impact as compared to prose. I mean, a 5 min film on eye donation would be far more effective than a colourful pamphlet portraying the same. I think homo sapiens love “manoranjan” or “entertainment”. Probably because, who has the time in the world to get serious when it’s all about being happy at the end of the day? After all we have enough problems to worry about in our day to day lives! And of course, gyaan baazi is a serious no no.

I guess this gave birth to social messages being delivered through fine arts as they not only provided entertainment but also made our lives far more meaningful.

So ladies & gentlemen- on this note, I present “The Health Tree” aka “Swasthya ka Ped – Hastha, Khilta”.

This was a Nukkad Nataka done at 6 hamlets (3 each spanning 2 days) - Bhanwra fala, Naya Ghar, Odha A on day 1 and Thoota Modha, Kyada and Thrimod on day 2.

We selected 22nd and 23rd August 2016 as our target audience were the male migrants who would be home for Raksha bandhan. Thus the so called “panchayat abhiyaan” was focused on aspects of general health and the famously infamous topic - contraception. As the women folk were already attending community meetings on a regular basis, why should the male migrants who also have equal responsibility in terms of general health and family planning be bereft of it?

These hamlets belonged to Panchayats- Manpur & Ghated respectively. Since the homes were scattered, we couldn’t ask for a better tool than a dholak and a spoon & plate to invite them to see our performance.

As the children gathered first, we started with our hand wash session. It became even more interesting when I went right into their midst while my colleagues gave instructions. They giggled, felt trickled when I came to check their hands – “The inspector rani”

The pictures look fun, but we had to face a lot of challenges on day 1. A few excerpts and how we overcame them on day 2:

1.    The unmerciful rain gods – Though we didn’t mind performing in the rains, people were reluctant to move out of their houses.

2.    Arre gaon walon, Saamne aao, Mat sharmao, Natak dekho, Arre Khel dekho, Ohhhh Gaon waalo - Crazily shouting our lungs out accompanied by the dholak, spoon & plate. We overcame this the second day when we got the gramophone horn! Saved us a lot of our energy for our performance and helped us gather people quick too.

3.    When children ran to us excitedly – Though we had the health tree with us, we clearly didn’t want to grab the attention of children considering the topic of contraception. But it was so sweet to see that the dholak, the spoon and the plate thrilled them no end. So for their eagerness, we did a short presentation on hand wash, a fun filled interactive lesson.

4.    SPACE – Where on earth do we perform? The houses are small, there was no verandah. So we did at anganwadis or junctions making sure not to block the traffic (like for e.g. the thrimod).

5.    Contraception – Day 1 was challenging because we could do only in one hamlet as we couldn’t get the appropriate audience. But day 2 was spot on. If at one place, we finished the hand wash and health tree session in the open area of the school, we did manage to get the adults in the anganwadi for the contraception session. Though direction was a bit weak, it was worth the effort. Not only that, in another hamlet we were clever enough to divide the audience into 2 groups – children & the adults and successfully managed the sessions without much chaos. We became so bold towards the end that at Thrimod, we did the contraception part right in the middle of the road and though we couldn’t avoid the kids, we still went ahead & performed. Bhaad mei jaaye, jo hoga dekha jayega!

Last but not the least, despite all this, as the pictures suggest, we did have loads of fun because we were so crazy about the idea! The Swasthya ka Ped was an instant hit, the hand-made charts, the narration and the mime just hit it off together. Kudos to the entire team for their hardwork!

And finally a glimpse of how Lekshmy became Laali – the Swasthya ka Ped

Ye hai meri pyaari Laali Laali hai ek swasth paudha, sundar aur nirali

Par Laali hai udhaas

Na jaane kya hai uske pareshaani ki baat?

Hai meri laali, kyu tu itna sookh gayi?

Tu dikhti hai beemar, tera shareer itna kamzor

Haye tu toot gayi, kya ab kabhi na tu utt payegi?

Par jab maine tera rakha khayal, fir utt gayi meri hasti laali.

Ye nahi hai sirf Laali ki kahaani. Hum sab mein hai ek swasthya ka paudha jiska hum sab rakhenge dhyaan

[lekshk]

Again Sankaran in the Coconut Tree (Back to the Pavilion)

It’s said that a whole life time isn’t enough to understand who we are. Yet, that doesn’t stop us from becoming aware of ourselves, our needs   and how we respond to situations. I think consciously or unconsciously our experiences lead to building perceptions and judging people. That was the case when I set out to explore a village in Rajasthan.

Now, I have visited my father’s village (Anary) in Kerala. Despite having fairly big houses, they mostly had single infrastructure- one bus, a general store, an anganwadi, a temple and lot of village gossip at chai kada (tea stall). Thus my assumption about a Rajasthani village was more or less the same, in fact even worse. I also believed that the villagers in general don’t like to move out to metropolitan cities and even if they do, they don’t like to come back. While this wasn’t enough, I was also pretty sure that girls don’t go past 10th standard and might be getting married at 18 years of age simply because of the law.

My journey to Chotta Bedla village in a tempo was uneventful save for my chance interaction with 2 girls in their 12th. WHAT? 12th standard, not possible! One out of my 3 assumptions got blasted right away. When I got to know they were planning to move to Delhi to study nursing, I tried to defend my own prejudices by asking them about marriage. Out came the reply “Didi that can wait. We need a job first. Yes, it would require a little convincing but our families would eventually agree”. Phew, too hard to digest! Nevertheless, when one of them asked me to accompany her to her place, I jumped at the offer. As I walked with her, I hadn’t even realized I had already entered the village. BOOM! Another shocker!  This doesn’t look like one! Am I going to faint now? What kind of a village is this? I realized that it was important to remove Anary from my mind, lest, I will go mad.  

As I interacted with her mother, I realized they belonged to a lower caste when I was skeptical of drinking their tea in the afternoon. The house was painted fresh as her son had got married recently. I was glad to hear that girls indeed got married the moment they touched 18 (at least one assumption came true!). But what astonished me was the fact that her daughter in law was at her mother’s place to complete her studies. They had conducted the marriage so as to provide her a secure feeling. Now, clearly I didn’t expect this! But I somehow found it very progressive and it brought a smile on my face.

As I bid them good bye, I also met another low caste woman who had got her 3 daughters married by 16 and a lady who ran a clothing store and hadn’t even completed her school education. Well, my assumptions didn’t matter to me anymore.

I instead thought of exploring the shops nearby. I needed to check about the men right? When I spoke to a Kirana shopkeeper and a tailor, my belief was kind of getting strengthened that men don’t like to venture out of their village. They were very contented with what they had and incidentally that didn’t change even when they visited metropolitan cities as tourists.

As I walked triumphantly on the streets, I met another Kirana shopkeeper. What followed was an interesting conversation. Now this was ultimate. Here was a man who had not only worked at various metropolitan cities in a span of 14 years but also chose to come back to his village. The latter was a stark contrast to my belief. True, he did mention only 10% actually ventured out of their comfort zones and majority girls got married by 18 and didn’t study further, it clearly gave me fodder to at least rethink about my stereotypes.

On my way back to Badgaon, I had lot to smile about. Wondering why? Well, I came out literally confused. What’s the truth? Lord knows! I think I probably ended up with new stereotypes!