#love me a fiction podcast or audiobook

[taibhsearachd]

Still absolutely distraught about my shipwreck podcast getting canceled by their producer. I love disaster podcasts and there are very few as good as Ship Hits the Fan.

Legitimately having trouble falling asleep lately (because yes I like to listen to fresh episodes of familiar podcasts to go to sleep and sometimes they have to do with disasters, don’t judge me). I might have to rotate back to listening to audiobooks of Rolling In the Deep and Into the Drowning Deep until I can once more recite them in my sleep. They’re surprisingly soothing to me, but it does help my ADHD to consume new information but in familiar voices I know I can listen back to if I fall asleep midway through, and I am OUT OF REGULAR PODCASTS THAT SERVE THAT PURPOSE ATM.

So I guess I’m going back to murder mermaids for a while. Murder mermaids love me. Murder mermaids won’t let me down.

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

Hi Mara,

I wanted to say that all of your writing feels extremely genuine, and I am inspired by the honesty and detachment in your retrospective posts, especially when talking about personal—external—influences. I rarely hear others say that their interest in X is simply gone, or admit that they like(d) Y because the ‘context’ seemingly urged them to. A pattern I often notice instead is personal attachment and the unwillingness to let go of ideas and things which no longer resonate or never really have in the first place.

I wish it was easy to distill all of one’s experiences and likes, remember why and how they came to be, be honest as to how one felt about them, separate the wheat from the chaff, and arrive at something that feels truly genuine and ‘you’.

It feels reductive and probably comes with projection on my part, but that’s the impression I get.

Hope the storm didn’t affect you and your family too much.

Good morning, anonymous--thank you very much for such a kind message!

I wrote about this more vaguely in last months subscriber post, reflecting on "how nothing seemed to scare me" lately and how baffling it seemed that people thought Stephen King's Apt Pupil was a terrifying horror story, and incidentally had been thinking about this during the period of having power but having no internet after Hurricane Milton--I had all these videogames I tried to play but realized they all felt completely boring and uninteresting without something to listen (my favorite streamer, my favorite podcast) to while playing (and in turn, that I needed to be doing something somewhat stimulating while listening to something); I had all these anime shows I could be watching, too, but again little interest because they were all just dead boring--and all I could really manage for myself were to read Henry James and rediscover my old Longmont Potion Castle collection to listen to until internet came back;

but, I don't know how much the genuine 'you' matters; I think about something a sculpture professor told me about the hippies and an adage they had that went kill your parents, and the professor added that it was meant not (always) literally, but to disentangle yourself from 'the origin' or: maybe: the most sacred and profane feelings you see yourself as being a-part of;

realizing I basically have zero interest in being an artist might have been a big hurdle for me to disentangle from way-back in Wilderness when I had some ego-fear of losing my identity as Marabarl and what that entailed: divulging everything about myself, being self destructive, seeming crazy, and using it all as oil to art--severing that all seemed like it would drive me more lonely and leave me with nothing but some bare-dry stick of a person that'd few people would be interested in (but glimpsing at this idea also spoke to how 'being an artist' had little to do with my own desire and more to do with maintaining 'connection' with 'invisible others'). I don't know if killing my parent there had left me a more true version of myself, but it severed connections I mostly kept entwined by wholly out of fear of the loneliness or of letting go of a familiar rot and pain. I'm far more boring than the older Mara, because really now all I'd like to do is go to my weekly sandwich shop, cook, clean, read, listen to audiobooks, be monotonously religious, and try to write bad fiction that I never finish because I keep rewriting the same few parts for months at a time.

There's a quote from a book I finished a few days ago, For Thy Great Pain Have Mercy On My Little Pain, by Victoria Mackenzie, that I really loved:

"When the day begins, we say that it is breaking. So with my life. Part of me had to be taken into pieces before I could truly start to live. For in my shewings Jesus had said, 'I shall shatter you for your vain passions and your vicious pride; and after that I shall gather you together and make you humble and meek, pure and holy, be oneing you to me.'

My will was broken and I am glad of it. I am only a thing that moves this broom and sweeps the curled leaves and corpses of insects from one side of my cell to the other."

Each layer of myself, as it seems with age, starts to seem more-and-more to be a vanity that I hold to myself well-after it has separated and shed, out of fear and comfort for the more simple figure that is underneath--morosely, I start to really believe the purest part of my-self comes with death when all has been shed away wholly and the carcass is left as the most simple and un-connected atom of Me, and for others: when the Left are shred out to ash and the Right are ate up to heaven; tears and emotion for the dead, too, a type of vanity over wishing that lost other to not be gone from the identity yet though it is truly just another vain callous now shed and clung-to: Dieth and Daniela who I keep getting mad at in fear of letting go-of;

but even in more simple ways--remembering old loves towards things like Narutaru and not wanting to let go because of how fond and warm they felt just a few years ago, and keeping that old passion around like it were furniture that had gone decrepit past any real function except favor; although, during Hurricane Milton, again between time of Power but no Internet, I rewatched some of FLCL and .hack//sign and wished I could be rewatching Hey Arnold's scary episodes--cause really no-matter how much I think I'm capable of letting go of things that seem all vain, boring, and worthless to the simple self, I am a simple creature who wants comfort in the familiar and to things I've loved and felt loved by. And, luckily, I still love Boogiepop! (I think it's easier to keep a love for those things around because they don't really remind me of bad-times as Narutaru does, but I'd like to always keep an effort to keep Hiroko and cute little Ensof in my heart)

Take care.

[colorisbyshe]

anyone have any good audiobook recs? listening to the dragona ge podcast has gotten me a bit re-interested in narrative based listening

i'd prefer this specifically be an AUDIObook rec, so not just a recent book you liked, but an audiobook you actually listened to

the exception being if you think a book would REALLY excel as an audiobook like you're REALLY confident

it odesn't have to hit all or even most of these bullet points but i'm just trying to make recs less scattershot

standalone book OR if it's part of a series, i'm not missing out if i stop here

want fiction, not non-fiction

hmmm, fantasy preferred but mysteries are also fine, sci fi is good although i'm not feeling space-y sci fi rn

preferably about women and/or gay people OR is written by a woman and/or gay person

doesn't have to be tho

DOES absolutely hve to be PRIMARILY about ADULTS not teens, unless there's aging wtihin the story (like starts off about teens but bulk of story is about adults as time passes)

strong characters more than strong plot, though both is good

hmm... maybe rn more medium paced rather than slower stories but if it's a good story ANY pace is fine

i do... enjoy romance subplots or at least the space to hallucinate some romantic/sexual tension

any tone is fun, dark or light, but not... too comedic or whedon-y if you know what i mean? not too self aware tee hee we think the genre is silly but we love it type writing.

IF THE AUTHOR HAS BEEN ACCUSED OF HEAVY CRIMES RECENTLY (or.... ever?? unless it's ike smoking weed lol) DO NOT REC THEM TO ME

BASICALLY FANTASY ABOUT ADULTS AND NOT TOO HEAVY A 'READ' BUT I'M LOOSEY GOOSEY

[liesmyth]

Any fiction recommendations? I’ve repeatedly read Locked Tomb, natch. I’d love something similarly brainwork inducing but maybe a touch lighter. Also not fantasy or sci fi…I need something to listen to while I do a ton of chores, and those can be hard (for me) because the unfamiliar proper nouns get confusing. :/

anon!! I'm terrible at reccing anything based on “if you liked TLT” because TLT is like five different genres in a trench coat, but I TRIED (⭐) Here are some brainworm-y recs that aren't sff — where by brainworm-y I mean that they stayed with me for a while after I finished them, but aren't overly confusing. (most of them are books, but available on audio)

Podcasts: a tumblr pal recced me the deviser based on me liking the eldritch elements of tlt; it's short and horror-y, and I really enjoyed it.

I haven't checked out the new TMA yet but I see many TLT peeps who are enjoying it (or S1 of the original The Magnus Archives could be a good entry point if you haven't ever listened to it)

TV: Unfortunately I hardly ever watch live action stuff BUT if you haven't seen either IWTV (the series not the film) or Yellowjackets, I do rec those! There's a lot of overlap between these fans and TLT fandom on my dash. His Dark Materials also goes hard and you might enjoy it (dysfunctional characters! worldbuilding! religious weirdness!) but it has more sff elements than other stuff I've recced. Oddball out of nowhere but The Great is a fun show if you enjoy the meme moments of TLT + people being gleefully horrible + having feelings despite your best intentions

Animanga: Utena (!!!!!) also Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, which occupies a very similar space to TLT in my brain

Books!

✧ I went through my “women unhinged” goodreads shelf and found some books that are avaliable in audio format, and might appeal. These are wildly varied in scope and ngl the criterion was just “at least one person (besides myself) who enjoyed tlt also this book” and the similarities stop there. It's all vibes baby! Still, I tried

my heart is a chainsaw by stephen graham jones (horror, slasher), bunny by mona awad (horror, wildly unhinged), the witching hour by anne rice (horror, gothic)

matrix by lauren groff (historical, lesbian nuns), anything by sarah waters (historical fiction + lesbians), rebecca by daphne du maurier (historical, gothic)

the plot by jean hanff korelitz (litfic, thriller), sadie by courtney summers (thriller, coming of age). anything by gillian flynn (thrillers with terrible women).

✧ I really enjoy Tana French thrillers for the strong sense of place, great prose, and the complete emotional turmoil of her character-centric narratives. If anything sounds up your alley, I enjoyed the witch's elm + dublin murder squad series. They're murder mystery procedural but the messy characters really elevate the novels. Available in audiobook also

✧ American Elsewhere, technically scifi but set in New Mexico. Somehow, cosmic horrors who have taken over a quaint little town and worse! They are enforcing HETERONORMATIVITY upon it! They also have tentacles. The main character rocks

✧ Sundial by Catriona Ward: insane, gripping psychological horror. A mother and her unsettling daughter take a trip to the isolate desert ranch where the main chracter grew up. Surrounded by unsettling science experiments

✧ A Touch of Jen by Beth Morgan: when the parasocial relationship is so strong, it accidentally summons a hellmonster from another dimension

✧ SFF adjacent, sorry, but set in the real world (historical, tho) — Cuckoo Song by Frances Hardinge, a middle grade novel with fairytale elements that gave me more brainworms than any kids book ought to, mostly because I LOVED the main character. She occupies a very similar place in my brain as Gideon does. This is actually the only book on the list that I'm not sure is available in audio format, but if you get a chance and it's up your alley, I'd check it out

I hope there's at least ONE thing you'll like in here! lmk (also. lmk if you don't have access to a way to borrow audiobooks but would like to)

[walkawaytall]

i would love to hear more about your opinions on LM Montgomery's works 👀

Oh, hi! Thanks for dropping me a note. So, I really have only read her Anne books (and, oddly, have yet to read Rilla of Ingleside). I enjoyed them as a preteen, and Anne was one of several fictional redheads that made me want red hair so badly as a kid :D.

I really started to love the books a lot more as an adult. I was working a job that involved a lot of sort of mindless work, which allowed me to listen to audiobooks and podcasts. I got hooked on LibriVox, which is a site that offers free audiobooks of works in the public domain, read by volunteers. I specifically really liked dramatic readings, and thoroughly enjoyed the Anne books that were available via dramatic reading (as well as Little Women and Pride and Prejudice).

I really enjoyed all of the books, but Anne of the Island and Anne's House of Dreams were my favorite. All the girls at Patty's Place in Anne of the Island reminded me a bit of this house I lived in shortly after moving out of my parents' house for good. I lived there with some women I knew through school and church, and we were all varying levels of friends. It was a really sweet, fun time, and I love being reminded of those years.

But, I'm also all for emotional works, and I think that's why I love Anne's House of Dreams best. I really like Anne and Gilbert together, I like the domesticity of them building a life together after they get married in this new place, and I really like all of the new characters as well. Additionally, I like the way the book handled death and tragedy. Anne's proclamation after the loss of Joyce that, "The thought that it may stop hurting sometimes hurts me worse than all else[...]", is something I think anyone who has lost a loved one can relate to. Some of the plot points are a bit more fantastical than the other books, but I still really enjoy it. I like when things work out in the end, even if there is a great deal of heartbreak in the midst of a story, and I think Anne's House of Dreams does just that.

Oh, and since it's on topic, I thought I might share this YouTube channel that I really enjoyed back when they were actively posting videos. Green Gables Fables is a modern take on some of the Anne books, told via vlog, similar to The Lizzie Bennet Diaries (though, GGF was done by a bunch of students -- it is admittedly much lower-budget and less-polished than LBD, but I still think it's great). I highly suggest watching using the playlists for Season One and Season Two, as these contain vlogs by characters other than Anne that help fill out the story and that are easy to miss if you're not aware of all the characters' account names. If you want to like...grow attached to Ruby Gillis, this may be the series for you!

If you're interested in the LibriVox dramatic readings I mentioned, they are here (I usually used the iTunes subscription option, I think, since I was always taught not to just download random files from websites. Haha...But I also have no idea if that still even works.):

Anne of Green Gables

Anne of Avonlea

Anne of the Island

Anne's House of Dreams

The quality of reading varies because these are volunteers, but I really like Arielle Lipshaw, who acts as both narrator and the voice of Anne, so I found them really fun and engaging.

[growup-gloup]

Make the Best of your Alone Time

Many of us live with someone. Whether it's our parents, roommates, or partners, living with someone means we get used to someone around us all the time. I don't know about you lovelies, my sometimes, I blank out on what to do when I'm suddenly alone after a long period of social stimulation. Even if you live alone, it's easy to get lost in the daily responsibilities that you forget to take time for yourself.

It's so easy to get sucked into doom-scrolling or marathoning our favorite shows, but there are so many productive ways we could spend that time if we could just remember those options during that time. Hopefully, this list can remind you not only of your options but motivate you by reminding you of your potential.

Journal

You can do it digitally, but I personally prefer the feel of the traditional pen to paper. If you have a prompt or something on your mind, write to process that. If you don't know what to write, you can just start writing whatever first comes to mind, even if it sounds like gibberish at first. Write about what you can see and hear around you. Focus on everything you're feeling at this very moment and try to put those feelings into words. Just write.

Try a New Recipe

If you have access to a kitchen, find a recipe that is one step above your cooking level and try to replicate that dish. This one may involve some planning, especially if it requires a trip to the grocery store. Alternatively, you can look up the ingredients you have at home to see what you can make with it.

Read

I like to do this thing where I keep two different books on me. One fiction, and one non-fiction. I used to be able to finish entire novels within 24 hours, but that just isn't realistic with my schedule now, so I give myself a month to go through both of them. Pick the medium that works best for you, traditional, digital, audiobook. Bonus points if you reflect on what you read afterward, like what you liked, didn't like, and what you learned.

Deep Cleaning

I don't mind deep cleaning sprints at home, but I can't do it when there are other people around. Being home alone is the perfect time to clean your space as well as catch up on any errands that you've been putting off. Put on a podcast or a deep dive essay on YouTube in the background as you clean.

Passion Project

We all have things we wish we had time for but never get around to doing when we have time. No more. Whether it's a book you've been thinking of writing, an art project, or just something really cool that you want to do, this is the time to do it.

Get a New Hobby

Don't have a passion project? No problem. Start a new one. Try something you've always admired other people doing. The best part is that you don't even have to be good at it in the beginning. You just have to get started somewhere. Remember, it's about doing something, not showing people how good you are at it.

Learn Something New

Hobbies are great, but it's also great to expand your worldview. You could listen to informational things while you do other things, or you could take a free class online and take notes like you'd be doing for a class. Whatever helps you learn best.

Remember, this isn't a conclusive list. It's just a guideline to get you started on your first step. We all have to start from somewhere.

💋

[therentyoupay]

🎲 ⇢ what stops you from writing more in your free time? 

thank you so much for this question, lovely!! 🥹💕 it really made me think a lot.... 💕💕💕💕 ultimately, at this stage in my life, i'm really grateful and fortunate to be able to say that much of my career is writing (and reading, and analyzing, and discussing, reporting, etc.).

writing every single day (whether it's emails, dissertation manuscript, journal article manuscript, book chapter drafts for edited volumes, fanfiction, my non-fiction book draft) is totally built into my schedule, my routine, and my day-to-day mindset. ✨

therefore, there isn't really anything "stopping" me from writing (books, fanfiction, and other "personal" and "non-work" projects) in my personal/leisure time in the sense of there being barriers or obstacles (which the ask-game seems to frame the question as), but rather, it is a matter of choices.

how much of my "free" time today can i use to spend time with my husband? and my dog? 💕

would i like to cook a meal today that's more elaborate and time-consuming than usual?

shall i take a new route on my run that will add an extra 30 minutes to my usual timeline?

shall i stay later after work to grab a drink with a co-worker (or arrive earlier to get breakfast with a friend)?

is there a new episode of great british bake-off or barbecue showdown or bridgerton?!

would i, god forbid, like to read fanfiction for pleasure, instead of consuming another audiobook on audible, or listening to a podcast, or reading an academic journal article (because, yes, i do read them for fun, too, lmao)? 😂

or, is this moment now the right time to dive back into reading la sociedad de la nieve, which is my current book i'm using to keep up my spanish (since i gave up on reading pedro páramo until netflix finally releases the reboot and i can watch that first)?

did an Unexpected Adulting Thing™ occur that future-kris will thank present/past-kris for handling ASAP?

it's interesting to note how the wording of the question from the ask-game implies that finding time to write during "free time" is inherently a struggle with barriers... i'm not sure i would go so far as to label this frame as negative, but it... feels a bit limiting, doesn't it???????

instead, i see my free time and how i choose to spend it as a series of abundant choices and opportunities. ✨ each decision about how to spend my free time, whether it's writing or engaging in other activities, should—ideally—contribute to a balanced and fulfilling life. 💕 for me, it's less about overcoming obstacles and more about embracing the variety of experiences available to me. 💕💕💕💕

people have told me all my life, "you have, like, 0 free time!!!!!! how do you do it??!? aren't you exhausted?!? aren't you unwell?!?!?" and while it's true that i definitely had less "free time" in past life stages (😂😬), and i definitely was not as good as picking and choosing my activities in the past as i am now... that's the beauty of maturing and growing up. 😂💕 right? (stats show that women start deeply optimizing their lives from hard-earned wisdom in their 30s, no??? ✨)

nowadays, i also think something people tend to forget about my "free time"/career choices is that... i'm really lucky to have been able to carve out spaces and pathways that have allowed my "work" to... feel like "free time." 💕 (the bonus of having a career that fulfills my needs intellectually, socially, occasionally emotionally, and, above all else, financially. 😂) so, even when i'm not technically having "free time," it still feels that way. 💕 and when i'm enjoying my actual "free time," i'm no longer bogged down by the little voices in our heads that push us too hard (guilt, shame, worry, etc.) in directions that don't serve us, and i'm therefore freer and happier to choose activities and ways of fulfilling my "free time" (resting, connecting with people, being productive for my other passions) and feeling content in whatever i choose. 💕😘 (it took MANY YEARS to get to this point LMAO, don't forget that either 😂💕)

ilu! 💕

[guardian-angle22]

Nine ten books

thank you to @rmd-writes who tagged me (ages ago) in this... not sure you knew what you were going to unleash when you did that but here we are. 😅

I think the prompt for this is just list nine favorite books, but because I can't be normal about books and my taurus energy is strong today... I'm breaking up these book recs into categories, adding visuals, and also adding a tenth book to make it an even number. Cheers!

Books #1 & #2 (Nonfiction)

Ace by Angela Chen - Hello! Your friendly neighborhood asexual over here recommending that everybody read this book! It's such a good exploration of what it's like to navigate the world as an ace person and also the vast spectrum involved within asexuality.

Yoke by Jessamyn Stanley - Even if you've never done a single yoga pose in your life, I think you can gain something from this book. It's not a how-to yoga guide, but instead essays about her relationship to yoga, cultural appropriation within the community, fatness, colonization, capitalism, etc. It's fantastic and funny!

Books #3 & #4 (Excellent on Audio)

Six Stories by Matt Wesolowski - This fiction book (and the following books in the series) follows an investigative journalist who has a true crime podcast. The audiobook is full cast and it feels like you're following along to an actual podcast, but one you know you'll get a conclusion to. Highly recommend all of the books in this series on audio if you enjoy mystery/thrillers.

Where to Begin by Cleo Wade - The author narrates the audio version of this and her voice is like a balm to the soul. It feels a little bit like she’s a counselor guiding you through a thoughtful meditation. It’s short but it packs a punch.

Books #5 & #6 (Seasonally Appropriate)

Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas - This is a YA book following a young trans boy, Yadiel, who wants to prove to his family that he's truly a brujo and attempts to summon the ghost of a murdered family member. Except he accidentally summons a classmate who has no idea how he died. Adventure and mystery ensues!

The Changeling by Victor Lavalle - I've always loved the folklore surrounding changelings, but Lavalle's writing just takes this to another level. This is set in NYC and he somehow managed to make the city feel like a character in itself. Super chilling, creepy read.

Books #7 & 8 (Graphic Novels)

I Hate Fairyland by Skottie Young - This is a 4 volume series about a little girl named Gertrude who is whisked away to Fairyland, where she's told she must go on a quest to find the key to unlock the door back to her world. Turns out she sucks at quests and 30 years pass and she still hasn't found the key. Now she's stuck in the body of a six year old and just murders everything she comes across. The contrast of bright, happy colors vs. the murderous, jaded Gertrude is hilarious and wonderful.

The Magic Fish by Trung Le Nguyen - This is a standalone graphic novel following Tien, the son of Vietnamese immigrants, as he navigates how to come out to his parents. The art in this is wonderful and the use of color to define when we're in the past, the present, or a fairy tale was done so beautifully. A gorgeous read!

Books #9 & #10 (Books from Favorite Authors I Will Read Anything From)

A Psalm for the Wild Built by Becky Chambers - This book/series follows a tea monk who encounters a robot looking for the answer to the question, "what do people need?" It's cozy and comforting. I've read every Becky Chambers book published and will continue to do so. The way she weaves hope into everything she writes is phenomenal.

The Raven Boys by Maggie Steifvater - This series owns my soul. I don't even know how to pitch this other than it has a magical forest, a found family, the slowest of slow burn queer love, and Maggie Steifvater's atmospheric writing. Maggie is another author that I will read pretty much anything from (the werewolves weren't my cup of tea so I can't claim to have read all her books).

OPEN TAG to anyone who wants to list off some book recs/fave books. Tag me so I can get some new recs!! also no pressure tagging: @lemonlyman-dotcom @mikibwrites @alrightbuckaroo @reasonandfaithinharmony

[monstrousproductions]

Hi Hero! I am working on getting into voice acting and dealing with some transmasc voice dysphoria. HRT isn't an option for me, which is part of why I'm doing auditions and such for fiction podcasts to try to love my voice anyway. My question is, do you have any tips on gaining confidence in voice acting?

Thank you for everything you do with this show! I hope you have a great day.

Oh, big hug, pal! Voice dysphoria is no joke. Recording yourself and getting used to hearing your own voice back can be a brilliant way to get more comfortable with how you sound!

Remember, there's nothing wrong with your voice - it's a transmasc voice, because you're a transmasc person. Medical transition is just one way to express one's identity - it doesn't make the identity itself. You're just as transmasc as you need to be, exactly as you are 💖

I know for me, just the act of listening to my voice every week really helped me internalise the fact that this is a non-binary voice - and was a non-binary voice before I went on T, and will be a non-binary voice throughout that transition. It's got to the point where, if people misgender me because of my voice, I genuinely am like ??? where tf did you get that idea ??? can't you hear I'm extremely cool and hot and trans of gender ??? who is this "Miss Owen" of which you speak ??? 😂

Auditioning for podcasts is a brilliant idea, but remember, there's a lot of rejection involved in auditioning and it can be tough.

You might have fun practicing on your own, recording yourself reading aloud and editing it into a little audiobook. If you're into fanfiction, podficcing is a really fun way to splash around in audio and get your voice out to a supportive audience. Or, of course, you can start your own podcast!

At the same time though, it's totally alright if you just keep those recordings to yourself. It's more about exposing yourself to your own, natural voice as much as possible, and learning the ropes, from how to set up your equipment to how to use your voice to best effect.

One big thing with voice acting is that you really have to dial your performance up to 11. Your audience has no other cues to go off except your voice - they can't see your beautiful subtle facial expressions or read your simple yet eloquent body language lol It's something you really have to do yourself to understand - you can feel like you're putting SO much energy into a performance in front of the mic, and then listen back and its the flattest, saddest thing you ever heard 😅

Pay attention to other voice actors and how they work. Listen carefully to how they use their breath, where they pause, where they run words together. Don't just passively enjoy the performance - try to really pay attention to what they're doing and what effect it's having. Then you can play with those ideas in your own performance, and see what works for you.

I think that word "play" is really important, too. Animals learn through play and humans are no different! You're going to get way further, way faster if you throw yourself into a fun little project that lights you up, and treat it as something you can play with and enjoy, than if you treat it like some great, ponderous task you have to get right first time.

In short, the best way to build confidence is to hang out with your voice as much as possible. Play around with it, reading aloud in silly voices, recording voice notes for your friends, mimicking actors you admire, etc. The more you hear yourself, the more you'll understand your voice. That'll help you learn how to use it and how to make it work for you, but more importantly, it'll help you to internalise the fact that this is your voice. It's yours, and you're trans, and that means your voice is trans too. No bells or whistles needed.

[harri-etvane]

We want to know all the things, Harriet. 😏

🍓🌵🛼🪲📚

hey!!

🍓 - I used to write historical fiction RPF years and years ago with a friend; I stopped a few years back and have.. well, kinda started again lmao. Not very interesting! I read quite a lot, so the reader to writer pipeline kinda makes sense I guess?

🌵 - ooh, a playlist that I love. Hm. This one - слава україні - it gets quite a lot of mileage from me as I listen to a lot of Ukrainian music whilst I'm at the gym. If not that, then there's a few audiobooks & podcasts I have on the go at any one time.

🛼 - a WIP in 5 emojis? hm. 👓 📝 🥺💔🫂

🪲 -I am Struggling with everything I'm writing at the moment, but here; I added 50 words to something that's been rattling about & finished up with this - "Headache?" "Mmmm," there is dull pang of sympathy in Andriy's chest for a moment - Vova always looks tired, but this time there is a muscle jumping in his jaw too - one that speaks to pain as he rubs at his temples. "You know what might he--" "Don't ask him to wear his glasses," Maks pipes up quietly. "He won't. Prefers a splitting headache apparently." "Donets. Be quiet."

📚 - The last thing in my notes app at the moment is a shopping list. The last thing fic related is a quote from a Pravda article that I'm thinking about trying to turn into Something.

[pilk0id]

intro post so that i dont have to cram everything into my bio 🦕

da basics: i’m sophie, my pronouns are she/her, i identify as unlabeled (bc i’m still questioning my sexuality), i’m from texas, and i’m 19 years old! nice to meet you :3

warnings n stuff:

‼️ i am autistic!! if you feel so inclined, please use tone indicators whenever possible :3 i can usually pick up jokes, sarcasm, etc. but some tones are a little trickier for me.

‼️ i do not post NSFW on my page, nor do i draw it, so this page is relatively safe for minors! this is both personal preference bc i want my page to be safe for everyone, and bc its lowkey weird to look at idk 😭

‼️ i am a full time college student so artposting (and posting in general tbh) does tend to get really dry during semesters

‼️ DNI list:

homophobic, transphobic, TERF, racist, sexist, etc. (the basics ig 🚶)

proship (loud get out sound effect)

anyone under 13 (terms of service)

autism speaks apologists and supporters /srs

if u dont like seals and horses /j

my interests!!! :D

my special interest has been the ricky gervais show and its associated media & people since 2017! we haven’t been fed in literally years so any interaction about them / fanmade content is so so so lovely :3 my fav is karl (if that isn’t glaringly obvious), but i love steve too! i only like ricky’s stuff pre-2006 ish (extras being the cutoff) because… yuck

my other interests / hyperfixations include:

metalocalypse (i do not like the music of dethklok tho so uhh…….. awk)

breaking bad and better call saul

madchester and britpop music and culture, more on that later (ask me about my pookies)

adult swim in general - shows like aqua teen hunger force, the venture bros, king of the hill, etc.

the 1975 (probably my fav “current” band)

i actually love sports very much, especially bc of college :3

my fav people / characters (both real and fictional):

karl pilkington obvi

stephen merchant

ricky gervais (to a certain extent……..)

charles offdensen (metalocalypse)

saul goodman (better call saul)

jesse pinkman (breaking bad)

jarvis cocker

damon albarn

wheatley (portal 2)

simon (rain dogs - char in my PFP)

rainbow dash (mlp:fim)

george harrison

fav music:

the 1975

the smiths (tomodachi life super all time fav) and their associated solo work

oasis

blur

pulp

suede

the beatles

gorillaz (my first ever real fandom 🤍)

the stone roses

the psychedelic furs

radiohead

random fun facts about me :3

i do colorguard full time in the fall

i collect records and i am the proud owner of the blue album

i am currently on my 2nd relisten of RSK on XFM + the podcasts and audiobooks

i own every single karl pilkington book

i’m trying to start a DVD collection, but right now the only real “valuables” i have are ATHF volume one, the office full series, arrested development full series (?), and a random frisky dingo i got from my dad 🚶

i can’t drive

i do all my art using procreate :3

i have not used the term “smerchette” to describe myself since like 2019

ASK ME ABOUT MY REDBUBBLE SHOP!!!!!

ok i think thats all for now bye :3

[spacebeyonce]

📚dom's library: may wrap up📚

alright! wrap up for all the books I've read (or tried to read) in may. I was able to read soooo many books (13!!! 13 books!!!) thanks to the libby app and my job letting us listen to stuff through our headphones. I haven't read this many books since high school!

this will be a bit long, because I'm not going to be short about these books, so. bear with me! june's will probably be a smaller list lmao. and I will try my best to be spoiler free in my reviews!

anyway! let's get into it.

5 - 4 ⭐:

👻 how to sell a haunted house by grady hendrix (5⭐)

after the sudden death of her parents, louise has to return to charleston to deal with her parents' estate and her insufferable younger brother mark, who she's been estranged from for years. as they sift through their childhood home, laden with memories and puppets, mark and louise discover that this house has more than the puppets and dolls for them to handle.

lord, this book. I've liked most of grady hendrix's books so far, but this one really got me. I loved this! I had so much fun listening to it! it was giving goosebumps energy and I LOVED that, I was LIVING.

it was funny, it was scary, and it was horribly sad when I didn't expect it to be. when I tell you that I finished this audiobook quietly sobbing at my work desk I am not bullshitting you. how to sell a haunted house is a reminder for why I do not fuck with puppets or dolls.

🌆 if beale street could talk by james baldwin (5⭐)

nineteen years old, clementine (mainly known as tish) is in love with her childhood friend alfonzo (mainly known as fonny), and has recently discovered that she is pregnant with his child. they plan to marry, but then fonny is imprisoned for a crime that he did not commit. with the clock ticking down until the birth of their child, tish and her family work in an effort to clear fonny's name and get him out of jail.

AAAAH!!! this BOOK!!! I had borrowed it on a whim 'cause I'm interested in watching the movie adaptation, but was curious to see how the book went before that. and jesus christ.

this was so.....like when I reached the end, I felt very.....incomplete?? the open ending jarred me a little, but I definitely didn't hate it! I would have liked a concrete ending, a true conclusion, but the uncertainty the book ended on...it felt real. realistic. it stung a bit.

I loved reading tish and fonny fall in love, and my GOD did they fall - they love each other so ardently, so completely!! the devotion they have for each other, my goodness. it definitely stole my breath a few times.

and their families!!! the way most of them went above and beyond to do what they can and get fonny out of jail!! the full, open support they have for tish and her pregancy!! the absolute love and joy her family has at welcoming a new life into the world oh my goddddd. I believe in love y'all, I truly do.

🚢 into the raging sea by rachel slade (5⭐)

on october 1st, 2015, hurricain joaquin struck the bahamas and sank the cargo ship el faro, taking all thirty three lives on board. after interviews with family of the crew, maritime experts, and using the last twenty six hours of audio captured on the el faro's last voyage, rachel slade recounts the final hours of the crew of the el faro and casts a critical light on the maritime shipping industry, and how lives were sacrificed for profit.

okaaaaay, so I mentioned a while back that I get really focused on a certain shipwreck every now and then. for the last couple months, thanks to the well there's your problem podcast, I've been ridiculously fixated on the sinking of the s.s. el faro back in 2015 - a cargo ship that sailed directly into the eye of a cat 3 hurricane and got its shit rocked. when I heard this book mentioned, I had to see if it was available to listen to. and it was!!!

I'm embarrassed to admit it, but it takes a lot for me to get into a non-fiction book - and this one had me riveted. this disaster really was just one little mistake after another, until it became a domino effect that they couldn't escape. I think this has gripped me so because it was so preventable. this didn't have to happen! if the ship was in a better state, if the captain pulled his head out of his ass and listened to his crew, if tote maritime company wasn't so fixated on profit that the people working on these ships become collateral, like....!! 🗣️EL PROBLEMA ES CAPITALISMO!!! and fuck climate change!!!

⛪ transcendent kingdom by yaa gyasi (5⭐)

gifty, a sixth year phd student, is taking on the care of her mother, who is so depressed she can't get out of bed. gifty is studying neuroscience, trying to understand how the brain is affected by depression and addiction - for her mother, and for her brother, nana, who died of an overdose after becoming addicted to pain medication. while dealing with this loss and the decline of her mother, gifty is also grappling with her faith, raised in an evangelical household and trying to reconcile all the pain she has lived through with the peace and salvation she was promised through the church.

my review for this book was simply that I felt flayed open. that this book carved my chest open, cracked apart my ribs and peered inside. gifty's thoughts and struggles when it came to christianity were so like my own that I was genuinely shaken. her questions, her doubts, her feelings and hoping and wanting - I've felt all of that, too. all of it!

in gifty I truly see so much of myself. her struggles with religion and faith, and especially the loss of faith in the face of loss. of praying so much, praying so hard for a loved one to get well, to live on, and then it just...not happening. nothing can cut your faith quicker than that.

her relationship with her mother as well like goddamn godDAMN....that same kind of tough love. that same wild devotion to god. that same ability to just say the most cutting, out of pocket shit about you out of NOWHERE....gifty you are stronger than the us marines. doubly so because she also had to deal with ALABAMA. ALABAMA!!! AND A WHITE ASS TOWN TOO!!! STRENGTH!!!!

🦢 the beautiful ones by silvia moreno-garcia (5⭐)

a regency-esque story based in fantasy france with a sprinkle of magic, we follow the stories of antonina beaulieu, hector auvray, and valerie beaulieu as they deal with the grand season and all that entails. antonina, hoping to find love like the ones she's read in stories - and also hoping to outrun the rumors about her due to her telekinetic powers. hector, a telekinetic preformer that has returned to loisail after ten years with one goal in mind: to win back the heart of his first love - the crown jewel of loisail, valerie beaulieu.

when I tell you that this book had me KICKING MY FEET and GIGGLING!!! I AM A HECTOR/NINA TRUTHER, I BELIEVE!! it was so sweet?? and romantic?? and I love a good second chance romance, though it doesn't fall under what that trope usually means. but it was so sweet!! that's all I can say over and over and over, I just. it was love prevailing despite the odds. nina was so bright and earnest and true to herself, and hector had such a quiet sweetness beneath all that melancholy.

and valerie. bro she is so cersei-core I am SICK. the desire to have the power that your name once held, the resentment of having to follow the whims of what's expected of you and not what you want, looking down on other women and holding yourself above them, loving someone so fiercely and madly that it kind of twists into hate like!!! cersei lannister core!!! this woman was NASTY work and I LOVED her.

I do wish that hector and nina's powers were explored a little more? like....what's the magic system. how did these powers happen. are there other people with powers. but it didn't bring down the story for me! I really loved this, I was swooning.

🌊 river woman, river demon by jennifer givhan (4.75⭐)

eva santos moon is a wife, mother, artist - and witch, practicing brujeria and curanderisma in honor of her late mother. eva has hit a low point in her life - inspiration has left her, she's suffering from blackouts and memory issues, and her connection to her magic feels distant. on top of all this, she is haunted by the death of a beloved childhood friend that happened many years ago, and memories of her are stirring when her husband is incarcerated as a suspect for the murder of their friend, eva must do her best to hold her family together and free her husband - even though she doesn't believe he's as innocent as he claims...

this book bro.....this fuckin' book. it was - I loved the mystery! the connection between the death of her friends, past and present. but the main character?? eva??? she drove me up the fucking wall.

she was so deep in her goddamn head it was genuinely wild as a mf. like, when her husband says something that read SO CLEARLY to me that he wanted his wife to BELIEVE IN HIM she's just like 'oh is he accusing me, is he saying I'm the bad guy here' like my sister in christ!!! pull your head out of your ass for five seconds and trust in your man!!! and oh my GOD her man.

jericho is a fine fine fine slice of chocolate cake. he is steady, he is warm and inspiring, hardworking and devoted. he is ten toes DOWN for eva, he is UNSHAKEABLE for her. and she just doubts and doubts and doubts. and I KNOW it's for the character journey. but like bitch if you're gonna mistrust your husband like this then I'LL take him, shit!!

aside from that, this book was SO good. I really enjoyed the mystery plot throughout, and when everything started coming together I was literally screaming in the car at every twist and reveal like broooooo. excellent book. but get your shit together eva.

3 - 2 ⭐:

🎸 we sold our souls by grady hendrix (3.25⭐)

twenty years after the end of metal band durt wurk, former guitarist kris polaski is miserable. her job is terrible, she has no money, no friends, and no music in her. on top of all that, kris gets news that chills her to the bone - terry hunt, her old bandmate and the man who cast his bandmates off to go solo is going on a farewell tour and bringing his band koffin to a close. pushed to finally confront terry and demand answers for his abandonment, kris decides to try and reunite her bandmates, knowing the risk - knowing that they might still hate her, for what she did. but on the way, kris finds out that terry might have given away more than just durt wurk's sucess in his effort to rise to the top.

okay so like most of the grady hendrix books I've read so far, this was good! but it definitely wasn't the best of his books for me. that crown is deserved for how to sell a haunted house. but we sold our souls is a pretty fun romp, that definitely had some chilling moments that made you paranoid right along with kris. you couldn't trust the people around you. you never knew who - or what - might be watching.

and there was a part 68% in that was so upsetting that I just closed the audiobook and hopped out the libby app. like I was done for the day, shit was rough.

but at the end of the day, this did end up being pretty mid for me. I also did not appreciate all the microagressions made about black artists and black music. could have done without that!

🌱 parable of the sower by octavia butler (3.25⭐)

in the distant future of 2024, the united states has crumbled due to climate change. resources are scarce, good water is hard to find, and people are willing to do anything and everything to make sure they can survive. at fifteen, lauren olamina lives in a community with her family, gated off and secluded from the outside dangers. lauren also struggles with hyperempathy, taking on the pain of others to a debilitating degree, and though their community is surviving, lauren knows that the security they have made for themselves won't last, and that their community needs to be ready for when that day comes. and in her efforts to find hope in such a hopeless world, lauren tries to figure out god - and creates a new faith that she believes will one day lead them to the stars.

this book was fucking ROUGH bro like.....truly on some mad max shit where it's every man for themselves. honestly I got a little tired of it a little over halfway 'cause like. idk I just can't believe that people would inherently fall back to violence in these conditions. that we'd all do what we can to help each other...I dunno. but shit was bleak! and there was a lot of sexual assault of women and girls, which I didn't appreciate. once again, probably because I cannot believe that humanity as a whole would just be so violent. but hey!

also - that relationship that happened at the end?? you know the one. what the hell was that. what is it with octavia butler and these damn age gaps jesus christ.

all in all, it was a solid middle of the road read for me. it was a little disorienting to read this in 2024, but still enlightening somewhat. idk if I'll read the next book any time soon though.

🍎 ripe by sarah rose etter (2.5⭐)

one year into her job at a startup in silicone valley, cassie is struggling; work eats away at her, long hours surrounded by coworkers and supervisors that look down and disrespect her. she barely has friends and she's making it by the skin of her teeth in an expensive city that she hates. she's lonely - but never alone, her constant, unending companion a black hole that's been with her since childhood, ebbing and flowing depending on her anxiety and depression. when her job starts demanding actions of the dubiously ethical variety and she suddenly finds herself in the family way, cassie has to decide if a life in san francisco is truly what she wants.

besties I fucking hated this book. it was literally just seven hours of this woman bitching and moaning and woe is me-ing but not really making any changes until the last fucking second. she thinks she's better than the people she works with, but still marches to their drum, pulling some pretty sketch shit against a rival startup and bringing a pakistani man into this bullshit company, knowing that he's going to get screwed, all while playing the world's smallest goddamn violin for herself. ain't that just like a white woman, smh.

and I'm sure that's the point of this book. I understand! this is supposed to be a critique on capitalism, on hustle culture, on work and how it drains the life out of you and demands so much of you only to give so little in return. I get it! truly!

but baby I am not connecting with this white woman languishing in silicon valley, throwing a whole pity party for herself but doing nothing to better her situation. I am a firm believer of hitting the fucking bricks when a situation is ass. there are better jobs out there with better coworkers in more affordable places. these people don't care about you. Real Winners Quit.

the ending was also ambiguous as a mf and I don't care enough about cassie to feel a type of way about it. my good sis, go to therapy. you can't cocaine your way out of everything.

....now I feel like even two stars is generous. hm.

0️⃣ unrated:

⛵ deep as the sky, red as the sea by rita chang-eppig

after the death of her pirate husband by portuguese sailors, shek yeung has to act fast in order to retain her power over the red pirate fleet. agreeing to marry her late husband's second in command and bear a child, shek yeung also has to contend with greater threats as china's emperor increases efforts to remove pirates entirely from the south china seas.

this book is p much based on the life of ching shih, one of the baddest female pirates to ever do it. the story was tense, with a lot of political intrigue when it came to the pirates and the different colored fleets. shek yeung is a boss ass protagonist, a woman that was made hard because of the bullshit life threw at her, but she kept her wits about her and made the best decisions she could to come out on top - and alive.

I think if I would rate this after the fact I'd give it a solid 4.75⭐! a very easy read, but tw for sexual assault - that is a big part of some of the main characters' backstories (shek yeung and the second in command specifically). the ending was a little sad, but all in all an enjoyable book.

🍄 sorrowland by rivers solomon

vern is fifteen and seven months pregnant when she escapes from the religious compound she was made to call home, fleeing deep into the woods for safety. she births her children there, and plans to raise them wild and free - but there are changes happening to her body. changes that she can't explain. and to understand the changes and protect her children, vern will have to return to the one place that she had desperately wanted to escape.

this one, oh man. what a fuckin' ride it was. vern is one of those characters that are very...prickly. she's always got her defenses up and is ready to snap at you quick fast in a hurry, and I love her. she was wild, and her twin babies are adorable - and their names are very interesting haha!

there's also a sapphic romance, which was really sweet! I was concerned for a while that I had run into another couple with a huge age gap, but it wasn't! thank fuck. parable of the sower was enough.

the story has a lot going on - examination of religion and how it can be used to exploit people that have been left behind by the world, a bit of supernatural scifi, human experimentation, and finding love and community and connection despite it all, despite trying so damn hard to make yourself an island. if I rated it now....4.25⭐

🌕 daughter of the moon goddess by sue lynn tan

all her life, xingyin has been raised in secret; living on the moon with her mother, the goddess chang'e, who was exiled to the moon for stealing an elixir of immortality, her existence has been hidden from the celestial emperor - but one can't stay hidden forever. when her existence is discovered, xingyin is forced to leave behind the only home she has ever known, and ends up in the celestial kingdom. alone and afraid, xingyin decides that she will do whatever it takes to return home - and to free her mother from her lunar prison.

I read this book because I am a sucker for pretty covers and BOY does this one deliver. I had a fun time with this book, though the prose did get a little heavy at times. but I think this is the author's first book ever? so I gave a little grace. it wasn't crazy distracting or anything lmao.

but whew! this book had a lot going on. the magic system of this world was pretty fuckin' neat, and it was cool to see xingyin find her footing in this new world and do her best to achieve her goals! I was rooting for her. there is, unfortunately, a love triangle, and it was annoying, but mostly because I am too old for that shit lmao. I was also ridiculously annoyed at how she spend like 20% of the book being a hardass to one of the love interests because of something that happened OUT OF HIS CONTROL and is kinda connected to HIS JOB but whatever. whatever!

I'll probably read the sequel as well, but not anytime soon! until then, my rating now would be....4⭐

🌿 the daughters of temperance hobbs by katherine howe

connie goodwin is a professor at a university in boston, specializing in america's history with witchcraft. a successful scholar, connie is more connected to the history of witchcraft in america than she'd like to admit - a direct descendant of a woman that was tried as a witch during the trials in salem. a series of events force connie to realize that her partner's life may be in danger, a curse tracing through her bloodline, killing any man that falls in love with a woman in her family. with time slowly running out, connie must confront her family's past, and solve the mystery behind the curse that has plagued her family for generations.

oh this one was FUN, y'all. I ate this book up quick! and apparently it's the second book in a series?? I had no idea! it stands well enough on its own that honestly I don't think I need to read the first one to understand what's going on. the main character, connie, tried my goddamn patience lmao. she is the prime example of people that are so deep in academia that their relationships kinda suffer for it. like talk to your man girl!! talk to him about this damn curse!!! and the [redacted]!!! you can't just think that he can READ YOUR MIND and just KNOW like GIRRLLLLLL.

speaking of her man, sam is just a delight. truly a darling. by the end of the book I was just like god when will it be my turn. WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN??? GOD

I also really liked the flashbacks to women in connie's family line, they were all cool as hell - especially temperance! she was neat.

and zazie.....the only woman of color in a sea of white nonsense. she is stronger than any us marine because she is a woman of color doing grad school in a predominantly white college. I know she has been through things that would make connie's hair turn white. you deserve everything you want sis, you truly do.

and I thiiiink.....4.5⭐, if I rated this book now.

🕯️ black candle women by diane marie brown

the montrose women have been living contentedly in a california bungalow for years, keeping mostly to themselves. their lives have been calm - until the youngest montrose, nickie, brings home a boy and throws their world into disarray. because the boy is a reminder. a reminder of a secret that they have kept from nickie for years - a curse. a curse that if a man falls in love with a montrose woman, then they're destined to die.

this is basically in the same vein as the daughters of temperance hobbs but with black women and black magical culture. and I LOVED it. all of the women in the montrose family - augusta, victoria, willow, and nickie - are so vibrant. they all butt heads, of course, but at the end of the day there's still love.

victoria was a little triggering at times lmao mostly because she really reminded me of my own mom at times, and LORD do we butt heads. it was worse when I was a teenager, so I really felt for nickie when her mother started tightening that leash. and willowwwww oh my god I loved herrrr. she was so chill and so full of love. and augusta! she may not be able to physically speak, but that doesn't stop her from speaking her mind!

I absolutely recommend this - if you want a story about generations of black women working through misunderstandings, beating a curse that has dogged their heels for years, and loving each other despite the bumps along the way, then read this!! read it!! if I rated this now, I think I'm giving it a solid 5⭐

❌ DNF:

💀 gideon the ninth by tamsyn muir

reason for DNF: the writing made me wanna die a little? it was very like.....if you like homestuck and think it's still funny, then this book will work for you. it did not work for me. also, all the fucking names were so hard to keep track of. but mostly it was just the writing - all those quips! I am not a teenager, this shit isn't funny to me anymore please relax.

🏡 the haunting of hill house by shirley jackson

reason for DNF: I just didn't like the audiobook 😭, I'm gonna try and check out a physical copy when I can...I think I'll like it more if I'm actually READING it.

and that's it! that's my may wrapup! this was more work than I expected, whew. but! if anyone gives these books a read, or has read them before, let me know your thoughts!

[kingpippthe2nd]

This is going to be a Neil Gaiman appreciation post. Not because I think, the internet needs another person babbling on about how good an author Neil is. There is enough of those. This one is purely egotistical, because I have too many words rattling in my head, and they want out. So, settle in and let me tell you a story. I promise, it will make sense in the end. Or go read something interesting. I’m not your parent. 

I used to read a lot as a kid. The library in my town was open on two afternoons each week: Tuesday and Thursday. So, every Tuesday I would go there with my stack of read books, swap them for a smaller stack of books, which I would devour in the next two days, return them on Thursday, leave with a bigger stack and so on and so on. I couldn’t read enough. I loved disappearing into all the different worlds, all the different adventures. I was the kind of kid, that would read until the middle of the night, illuminated by a flashlight, be exhausted all day in school, just to go home and do it all again.  

I don’t know when this changed, exactly. Only that it did. Something about growing up took away the wonder of printed words. Or wonder in general.  

I remember telling my therapist a year or so ago how I remember being able to see so much beauty in the world. How the tiniest thing could spark so much joy in me. Make me imagine entire worlds. And how I couldn’t find this kind of joy anymore. How I felt that something in me was irrevocably broken. She reassured me, that this was normal. All part of growing up. Childlike wonder at the world is not for adults to have. Never have the words a therapist felt so fundamentally wrong. I was heartbroken leaving that session. My worst fears had become true: I’d never find that joy again. 

Over the years, I never lost my love of stories. I started listening to audiobooks, a form of media which I used to despise. Why listen to a book when you can read it? Hold it? Smell it?  I watched movies and series and listened to podcasts. But I didn’t really read. I had lost the patience for them. Don’t get me wrong: I still loved my books. I have some beautiful editions of my favourite books that I loved showing off to people. I bought new books as well. New stories. And I told myself I’d get around to reading them soon. But I never did. 

I used to write a lot, too as a kid. I wrote diaries, though I never kept up with them for long. I wrote short stories and even started writing a book, which was not very good and is now lost forever. I wrote loads of poems. One of them I wrote sitting on a roof in a night gown while the full moon shone behind the church tower. I still have that one. It isn’t half bad. But I stopped writing years ago. It left me, when I left the books. 

Some years ago, my partner at the time introduced me to a new book. Theyread it aloud to me in the evenings. It was called “Neverwhere” by a man I had never heard of: Neil Gaiman. I fell immediately in love with the story and the writing and the characters. Soon enough I owned all the Neil Gaiman audiobooks I could find and listened to them ravenously.  

Within the last year I have tried to read four books. I finished one of them. Not a big one. And it took me multiple months. I had to force myself to finish it, even though I loved the story and the writing. The other three I abandoned halfway through, feeling terribly about myself and my apparent inability to read. 

And then Amazon Prime released season two of Good Omens and I found myself swept up in a maelstrom of emotions and hype and fan theories. I started reading fan fictions for the first time in my life. Long ones too. I started telling anyone and everyone about how much I loved and missed the show. About how genius a writer Neil Gaiman was. How I had loved his way with words and worlds for such a long time and that he was my favourite author. 

A week ago, I had a realisation: I had never actually read a Neil Gaiman book. I’ve had them read to me. I’ve listened to hours and hours of audiobooks. But I had never ever actually sat myself down and read a book by my favourite author with my own eyes. Held it. Smelt it.  

So, I picked up one of the “I’ll get around to it books” from a stack on my hallway book shelf and started reading. A little thing called “The Ocean at the End of the Lane”. I finished it within three days. I read it on my way to and from work. One night, I walked all the way from the tram stop to my flat whilst continuing to read, phone flashlight in hand, so the darkness wouldn't steal the story away from me.  

And as I finally looked up from on the pages again and looked around, something else happened. It was as if the words had given my mind a little nudge. The world was spinning slightly differently. And all over sudden I could see the world as I had as a kid. There are more colours now. Everything is a bit more sparkly, more magical. I can taste stories on the wind, see them in the early morning sunshine. I have ideas rattling in my head that need writing down for the first time in what feels like forever. Ideas for short stories, for poems. Maybe even for a book.

I can’t even begin to express how thankful I am to Neil for giving me back something, I knew I had lost forever. Because childlike wonder at the world is not for adults to have. With nothing but his words printed on paper he remade the way I see the world. If that isn’t some kind of magic, then I don’t know what could be. And who wants to be an adult anyway.

[walkawaytall]

Audiobooks for which I think the narration vastly improves the book consumption experience:

The Anthropocene Reviewed by John Green, narrated by John Green - this is John’s first non-fiction book and his narration of the book imbues the text with the right balance of emotion. I cry every time I listen to it, especially the chapter “Googling Strangers” (a version of which you can hear on the podcast that the book kind of spun off from for free if you want). I think John was the perfect narrator for this book and I can’t imagine anyone else reading it. In case you’re wondering, my favorite chapter is “Bonneville Salt Flats”.

The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins, narrated by Tatiana Maslany — Tatiana is an actress (I mainly know her from an arc on Heartland and a couple of episodes of Parks and Rec, but she was apparently the main character in Orphan Black and has done a bunch of other stuff) and this really comes through in her narration — in a good way. She’s a fantastic voice for Katniss’ inner monologue and I don’t find her read of other character’s voices distracting or confusing in any way. Granted, I knew the stories before listening to the audiobooks, but I enjoyed these so much that, not only did I buy them so I would stop using up Hoopla borrows on them, I also have suggested them to like ten people this year and looked to see if Tatiana had narrated anything else that I might find interesting (she hasn’t done any other audiobooks from what I can tell, which is a real shame).

The Truly Devious Series by Maureen Johnson, narrated by Kate Rudd - I also went looking for anything else narrated by Kate Rudd and was not disappointed — she’s narrated over 500 books, including some of John Green’s novels. But the Truly Devious series is just really fun. It’s a YA murder mystery series. The first three center around the same mystery while the next two (and I assume any subsequent additions) are standalones with the same central cast of characters. Kate does an excellent job of reading the engaging source material and I think I have enjoyed every book I’ve heard her read; I just also happen to really like this series.

I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy, narrated by Jennette McCurdy — I think for a memoir as heavy as this one, it only makes sense for Jennette to read her own words. The book is great, her narration is great, but it’s probably not for everyone. Jennette’s story of becoming a well-known child actress at the behest of her mother only to realize once her mom died of cancer that their relationship was abusive is somewhat harrowing, but there is hope woven in as well.

Thistlefoot by GennaRose Nethercott, narrated by January LaVoy — this book is really good but it also gutted me (I won’t spoil anything, but do maybe look up content warnings prior to consuming) and January LaVoy did a really good job. If her name sounds familiar to my Star Wars peeps, it probably is: she read the audiobook for Bloodline, some of the stories in the From A Certain Point of View series, and the new recording of The Courtship of Princess Leia (lol) among others, but she has also narrated loads of non-Star Wars material. Loved this book, loved her narration of it.

Special mention:

The All Souls Trilogy by Deborah Harkness, narrated by Jennifer Ikeda — this is a special mention because I do not actually suggest these books at all. The first one starts out fairly promising with a seemingly interesting and strong main character who suddenly loses all of her personality and agency the moment she meets a hot vampire, and it’s not because she’s being compelled or anything interesting like that. By the end, the only “character” I really liked was the house that Diana’s aunts owned? (Well, I also spent a chunk of the first book hoping that the weird number of times Matthew warned Diana that his stallion bites would turn out to be foreshadowing that the horses were all vampires, but that unfortunately never panned out.) Anyway, these books are not good but I am convinced I kept listening to them even after swearing off the series after the first book because of Jennifer’s narration. And then they switched narrators for the weird little follow-up fourth book about Phoebe becoming a vampire (Time’s Convert) and I wasn’t able to finish it. (And that is not me saying that the narrator of Time’s Convert isn’t good. She narrated Leia, Princess of Alderaan and also did the Leia chapters in The Princess and the Scoundrel, which means I have told multiple people that I wish she would have read the whole book rather than switching off with whoever did Han’s chapters. She’s a fine narrator. What I’m saying is that Jennifer Ikeda was good enough to keep me listening even when I hated what was being read to me while another perfectly fine narrator couldn’t do that, and that’s saying something.)

[libraryfag]

tag nine people u want to get to know better

thank you theo @callixton

three ships:

Tomshiv Succession: their dynamic makes me so insane. i can't even describe it. like they both love each other so much all they can do is bring each other pain and tragedy etc

Hamratio/TragicDanishBoyfriends Hamlet: again its about the fucking tragedy of it allll along with the princess/knight dynamic. completly changed my brain structure when i was 14 and about once a month i become reobsessed with them which is what i've been doing a lot lately as i have been playing Carrie and Lowell again and ugh.

Oakworthy dndads: a more silly one to prove i'm somewhat a romantic at heart. like they are just two nerdy little autistic bisexual freaks who have identity issues and are just like me <3

first ever ship: Probaly Blitzstone (Blitzen x Hearthstone) from the Magnus Chase books

last song: im currently listening to Chess #1 from chess. pretty typical of me ig

last film: LOTR: Two Towers! im really enjoying the films so far. also kind of connects to the question before last in that that dwarf and :hat elf definetly fucked!

currently reading: In order of recency- You Live And Fern (Interactive Fiction), All The Light We Cannot See (physical reread), Wizard Of Oz (podcast/audiobook), Picture Of Dorian Gray (physical)

currently watching:Edgar Allan Poe's Murder Mystery Dinner Party by Shipwrecked Comedy. i'm on the last episode and really enjoying it

currently consuming: hot lemon and honey drink <3

currently craving: sleep

tagging: @vassyflorence @transexualbf @oscarwildeismyidol @porciaenjoyer @eraserheadbabygirl

i literally can never bother tagging more than 5 ppl at once lol

[jeannereames]

Do you personally enjoy being interviewed for podcasts? I listen to some history podcasts and my favorite apisoes are always when professors are featured

Depends entirely on the interviewer. I've done only 2 podcasts (one with video, one just audio), and 1 television interview. (I'm not counting The History Channel thing.)

In all cases, the interviewer was knowledgeable and asked interesting questions, so it was enjoyable for me. I hope it was for them too, and they didn't just put up with my blather. All my other interviews have been written.

I'm always curious how many people do listen to those podcasts. Or listen to all of one. This last one I did was an hour and a half! That's a lot of talking. Ha. I think part of my ... not skepticism, but interest/curiosity is that I don't listen to podcasts. I would almost always prefer to read an article/interview than listen to one--although I do listen to NPR radio shows sometimes.

I don't think this purely generational so much as idiosyncratic. I just don't consume a lot of audio anything, even audiobooks* on long drives. I make super-long playlists instead, and think/daydream. Sometimes I "interview" my characters when I'm alone in the car.

All this makes me wonder about y'all, so I made a little poll. Below that are links to the podcasts/interviews if anybody wants them.

Recent podcast with Will John on various things Alexander.

TV interview about the Netflix show, my novels, and historical fiction generally.

Old set of podcasts from 2016, mostly about Hephaistion and Alexander, done before the novels were ever published: Part I, Part 2, Part 3, Bonus (H.'s death)

Link to my website bio with other (written) interviews at the top.

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*(The only "audiobook" I ever listened to was waaaaay back. In the 1970s, a record came out of J.R.R. Tolkein reading parts of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. I may even still have that record!)