#lov this ball of anxiety

[didderd]

dealing with a lot of anxiety today, so i drew this while listening to Anx's playlist.

Anxiety sans belongs to @hheisa

[wintfleur]

𓈒  ୭ৎ   ˖˙  ᰋ  ── SHE KNOWS SHE’S JUST THAT GIRL

aka stella’s profile

au masterlist — you can find asks under #💌stellahughes!

ᡣ𐭩 BASICS ! 

name: Estella Grace Hughes 

nicknames:

stella (everyone) 

stell (mostly luke) 

stells (her friends) 

stellur (close friends) 

stink (quinn) 

brat (jack) 

buthead (jack) 

tiny hughes (her brothers friends) 

princess (her dad) 

lovey (her mom)

birthday and zodiac: may 5th 2004, taurus 

location: manchester, new hampshire(born), toronto, ontario(former) michigan (current) 

ᡣ𐭩 ABOUT ! 

personality: she can be very quiet, but she is very friendly and bubbly! She can be a little flirty to people (especially when she's drunk) she’s definitely chaotic around people she's comfortable with, and clingy. But all in all, she's a very sweet girl who just loves helping people and having fun. 

good traits:  hard-working, warm-hearted, helpful, optimistic, compassionate, patient, honest, loyal, organized, family oriented, good listener, witty, protective of her family and friends

bad traits: people pleaser, can be over emotional when shes tired, her determination can turn into stubbornness, can be naive at times, can ramble on for way to long 

quirks: going super quite, getting lost in her own thoughts, biting her lip, laying her head on people's shoulder, holding people's hands, 

likes: her nintendo switch, bored and video games, ear muffs, twilight, stuffed animals, the canucks, sleeping, mini skirts, lando norris, sonny angels, kpop 

dislikes: hiccups, driving, messy places, being compared to her brothers, rude fans, feeling sick, loud places, her anxiety 

hobbies: reading, photography, hockey, ballet, all types of dancing really, baking, scrapbooking, singing and playing the guitar 

fears: drawing, deep water, being alone, being stuck in tight places 

strengths: creativity, her ambition, kindness, honesty, moral compass 

weaknesses: self critical, her anxiety, insecurity of disappointing people, perfectionism, to hard on herself 

languages spoken: english (fluent) korean (fluent) 

occupation/profession: professional figure skater, is an art major 

ᡣ𐭩 RELATIONSHIPS ! 

parents:

Jim hughes 

Ellen hughes 

sibling(s): 

Quinn hughes

Jack hughes

Luke hughes 

best friends: daisy ahn, park sunghoon, lily baileys, carmen barlowe, mark estapa, trevor zegras, ethan edwards, tate mcrae, luca fantilli 

friends: all the umich boys, most of her brothers friends, jamie drysdale, sturniolo triplets, will smith, ryan leonard, gabe perreault + more 

love interest: rutger mcgroarty 

ᡣ𐭩 MORE ! 

scent: she uses a lot of different perfumes, she loves trying out new ones so her collection is pretty big, so perfume wise it's never really the same. She uses rose or vanilla body wash and shampoo and conditioner. She likes using the same body products, not really changing up with that. 

outfits: she is very confident and comfortable with herself so she tends to wear more revealing clothes, mini skirts, short dresses, low rise anything, cropped shirts, sweaters and vests, tight off the shoulder tops. But she loves all different styles and she loves trying them out, but those are just some of her main pieces of clothing. She really loves wearing low rise jeans or dress pants with midriff tops. When it's colder she loves layering clothes. Or when she just doesn't feel like getting all dressed up she’ll throw on a short skirt and sweater or some jeans and a top. She has all different kinds of shoes, all different types of boots (cowboy, moto boots, platform chunky boots and more) chunky or platform mary janes, sneakers, heels, she loves them all! She's a big lover of steve madden shoes. 

accessories: she loves accessorizing, she loves anything involving fashion really!! She has a large collection of different types of bags and sunglasses(she loves collecting them), they are definitely her favorite thing + jewelry, to accessorize with. She also has quite a lot of hats, mostly ball caps, beanies and berets. She also really loves utilizing long and thin scarves when she's wearing a short skirt or shorts. She also occasionally will wear a headband, heavily inspired by Blair waldorf. In the colder weather she's almost always rocking ear muffs

jewelry: she has a 2 and R necklace that rutger got her, and she's almost always wearing one of them. She has a matching charm bracelet that her best friend Daisy got her and she's always wearing that. For rings, she's always switching between the few she has, but she's not really a ring person. 

makeup: stella isn't really a big makeup girl, she likes a little bit of eyeliner and doing her lips, some highlighter on her cheeks, but it's not a lot. 

sexuality: bisexual (only a few know) 

height: 5’7 

piercing(s): 2 in each ear, bellybutton, niples 

tattoo(s): none yet 

face claim: gracie abrams 

ᡣ𐭩 FAVORITES ! 

food(s): cherries, french fries, blueberries 

drink(s): water, coke, hot chocolate, redbull 

color(s): pink, green, brown, white 

animal(s): bunnies, bears, dogs, cats 

bands and artist: ABBA, Lana dey rey, tate mcrae, enhypen, wallows, 5 seconds of summer = so many more 

show(s): pretty little liars, criminal minds, to many kdramas to name 

movie(s): tangled, mamma mia, bride wars, mighty ducks 2, every batman movie 

person: quinn, rutger and daisy ahn 

ᡣ𐭩 FUN FACTS !

She is the youngest of the Hughes clan, and as the only girl and youngest that means her older brothers are very protective. Mostly Jack and Luke, Quinn isn’t as intense as the other two.

Quinn is her favorite person in the whole world, she tells him everything. He likes to say that she’s his favorite, and it’s true.

She had the biggest crush on Trevor growing up, he likes to tease her about it. So does Luke.

Jack and Luke scared off all the boys growing up!

She’s not the biggest fan of swimming.

Her love language is physical touch, she’s a big cuddler and she loves holding hands.

Her two best friends are lily (lils) and Carmen (minnie) they have been friends since they were little, lily is on the women's volleyball team and Carmen does figure skating with her.

Her best best friend, who is like her sister is Daisy Ahn (an oc made by @qoqurt ) they have been best friends since they were little

Her best guy friend is Park Sunghoon, yes, the sunghoon from enhypen, they are childhood friends and met through figure skating.

Secretly made out with Luca fantilli in a closet at her first college party, obviously before she and Rut started dating.

She loves spending summers at the lake house.

She went viral at jack's draft, she goes viral a lot.

The nhl fans love her, the delulu fans hate her.

Is very close with her parents, she’s a family girl!

She’s a homebody, she likes going out but prefers to hang out at home/dorm or at her friends' homes/dorms.

She is a very talented artist and got a scholarship to umich for her art. She loves all types of art. She likes drawing and painting but has started loving ceramics.

Stella loves the library and I mean lovesss it! If you can’t find Stella, she’s either in her bed or at the library

She loves photography, ever since Quinn bought her a Polaroid camera when she was 13, she has quite the vault of embarrassing pictures of her brothers

Momma's girl? Daddy’s girl? No she’s a Quinn girl

She used to figure skate with a partner, but things went wrong and she's very hesitant to have a new partner

She’s actually really good at hockey and could join a women's team if she wanted to. But she could never, she hates getting hit.

She hates seeing her brothers and friends getting hit, makes her cringe and flinch.

Went viral after her reaction of Jack getting into a fight goes on the big screen.

The camera people are always putting her on the big screen whenever she goes to her brothers and friend's game.

She did get exposed on the big screen taking a sip of Trevor’s beer…Trevor couldn’t stop laughing while her dad gave her a disapproving shake of his head.

Trevor and Jack accidentally got Stella really high for the first time, forgetting to tell her that gummies on Jack's desk are edibles. A freaking out Trevor and Jack trying their best to calm down a panicked Stella, let’s just say the two boys were anxious for Quinn to come back. (I really want to write a thing for this, it would be so funny)

Her and Lily secretly went and got their nipples pierced, Carmen being there to hold their hands.

she loves puzzles

Not really a coffee or tea person

She loves playing board games and video games with her brothers

She’s a sweet person, but isn’t afraid to speak her mind. She’s the youngest of three brothers, she knows how to stick up for herself!

She’s a passenger princess…with everyone!

She knows she’s in trouble if someone calls her Estella

Stella really wants to be a mother

Her trainer is pushing her (nicely) so she can be in the 2026 winter olympics!

Here is a link to more fun facts about her!

She has 3 instagram accounts. @/stellahughes is her main account that everyone follows, @/entersteller is her private account where only her friends and family follow, @/nicohischierluvergurl is her secret private account where only a few of her close friends and Quinn follow.

ᡣ𐭩 HER CLOTHES AESTHETIC !

˖ ་ 💭 roro’s notes ( so this is the introduction/profile of Stella! I really hope you guys like her, I’m really excited to write more of her! I didn’t mention Rutger a lot in this because I will be making them there own profile, super excited to do that! Please don’t be a silent reader, I would love to hear your opinions )

°. - ( feel free to send any requests of things you would like to see in this series, or if you just want to share some thoughts! I would absolutely love that! Please comment if you would like to be added to the taglist! )

[bloodypeachblog]

Random idea: here are the LOV as parents to your child. (this is written as female reader btw [no she/her, but pregnancy], so feel free to use your imagination!) [Also, this may be a long one, so I hope you got a few minutes]

~~~♡♡♡~~~

Dabi: Now this guy has no clue on how to be a good father due to his past, but what he does know is to not do what his dad did. When he finds out you're pregnant with his kid, he feels pissed off at first, but after thinking it over, he decides that he's okay with it. When you try to do something, he'll go and do it for you, out of frustration/annoyance and calls you a 'dumbass' for not asking him. He goes with you wherever you go as a 'bodyguard'. He relishes in the fact that he can use this as ammo against Endeavor, being a better father than his ever was. When he holds the baby for the first time after its born, he'll never show it (maybe a little grin), but this man has melted and he is smitten over his child. He's not one for baby talk or peekaboo, so he talks to his child like an adult, nix the cursing of course. When he and his child are alone, he tells it stories about his childhood and how he doesn't want them to go through what he did.

Verdict: emotionally distant, but an okay father.

~~~♡♡♡~~~

Spinner: Totally clueless, he's still practically a child himself. When you tell him you're pregnant, he wonders how the hell that happened (he doesn't know how deep his quirk affects his genetics) and worries about how the kid will be treated if it ended up looking like him and if he'll be a good father or not. Poor lil ball of anxiety. You have to calm him down by telling him you'll be there to help and that no one is a perfect parent and that's okay. After calming down, he soon grows to the idea of having a little him or you around. He will constantly ask you how you're feeling and if you need anything, just a nervous sweetheart. Your pregnant belly is his favorite pillow to rest his head on while he's playing games. When he feels a kick, he feels a bit of satisfaction knowing that he put that in there. Once the baby is born, he is surprised that it's fully human. The minute he holds the baby and sees that it has his eyes, he starts crying, but tries to be manly about it. Little one grows up not being afraid of lizards or snakes because of their daddy. Spinner has his kid in his lap or sleeping on him while playing video games, gently putting them on a pillow nearby before raging over a loss in the game.

Verdict: worried but good gamer dad

~~~♡♡♡~~~

Twice: Oh man, this guy. You tell him you're pregnant, he is over the moon, hugging and kissing you. You're a seen how he acts around Toga, so you had no worries on his abilities. He'll be present at every doctor's appointment (or at least ask you many questions about them or have toga go with you if he can't make some of them) and you two have so much fun picking out names for it. This guy will be so protective of you that it's adorable and he will be your servant, doing whatever you ask. When he sees the baby for the first time, he is immediately in love. He will be a blubbering mess when he holds them. He does all the baby talk and peekaboos and is not ashamed of it. Later on, these two are inseparable. Partners in crime. (Seriously, this man deserves to have a loving partner and family after all the shit he's been through).

Verdict: all-time Dad of the Year award recipient

~~~♡♡♡~~~

Mr. Compress: Awkward dad. He never thought about having kids, didn't even want any. Until he met you. When you tell him you're pregnant, he is overjoyed. If this man treated you like a princess before, you have been upgraded to queen/goddess status. He is your servant; man will not let you lift a finger. Deep down, he is panicking over what to do or how to be a dad. But once he has his child in his arms, the yellow man is a mellow man. In love right away. Loves to show the baby little magic tricks, which earns him giggles and smiles, the best reaction. Lil one is his #2 fan, #1 being you, but it's a close call.

Verdict: may start out awkward, but soon becomes a good dad.

~~~♡♡♡~~~

Shigaraki: okay, we all know the trauma he went through. When he finds out you're pregnant, he gets angry. The kind of anger where he has to walk away before unleashing it, but not before having an argument with you. But you know that deep down, this man is terrified. He wants to be happy, but is too scared of hurting the little one or it hating him. You console him and tell him that things will work out alright and that you'll be there with him to help. All he does after that is lay his head on your belly and start crying. He'll later on brag about you being pregnant to his colleagues. He will have other people, if not him, do anything you ask. If anyone tries to hurt you or the baby, their ass becomes ash. Is a bit weirded out when he feels the baby kick for the first time. Once that baby is born, he falls to pieces, ready to die for this child. Baby can be seen playing with one of Shiggy's severed hands at some point and Kurogiri babysitting it once in a while. That kid will grow up to be Shigaraki's little apprentice, someone wanting to be just like their daddy.

Verdict: not the best dad in the world, but he's trying. Does a much better job after his awakening. Just keep the baby away from AFO.

~~~♡♡♡~~~

[mesozoic-system]

FAVORITE ROTTMNT CANON FACTS AND HEADCANONS ((MASSIVE SPOILERS!!!))

Don't be afraid to share your thoughts, opinions, and ideas! Comment which headcanons you agree or disagree with! I love hearing your feedback!!!!

❤️🥷🧡🐢💙🍕💜

Favorite Canon Facts About Donnie

He's a soft shell turtle.

He loves to dance.

He's autistic.

His true passion is botany.

He hates being touched, but can sometimes tolerate it.

He's unfamiliar with strong emotions and will become confused.

He draws on his eyebrows.

He has an intense chronic fear of beach balls, bees, and spiders.

His favorite music genre is techno.

His gamer tag is "Bootyyyshaker9000".

His least favorite animals are monkeys.

His "type" are "cute but mean".

He doesn't like Hawaiin Pizza.

He's bad at sports.

He covers his neck when he's in danger.

He knows ASL.

He considers S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. as his son.

Favorite Headcanons About Donnie

Their pronouns are He/They

While experiencing autistic burnout, he'll become nonverbal and use sign-language or whisper to communicate.

They're also sensitive to loud noises at these times, and Raph always has to remind everyone to keep it down.

If he's been injured on his back without his battleshell (but not drastically), he'll have trouble breathing and enter an anxiety attack (turtles' lungs are located right underneath their shell).

They're aroace and would rather focus on science than dating.

He doesn't oppose wearing skirts or dresses. He finds them comfy.

While growing up, they had a tendency to swallow food whole, so Splinter had to cut it small until they learned how to eat properly.

They rarely cuss, but will do so if they get very angry or frustrated.

He lets April paint his nails alongside Mikey, but only prefers the colors purple, black, or both.

He's an insomniac.

He puts his legs on other people's laps when sitting on a coach no matter who it is.

They know the FNAF lore by heart to every detail and spent months putting the pieces together.

However, he has different theories than MatPat.

Favorite Canon Facts About Mikey

They needed braces when their adult teeth grew in.

He's a ornate box turtle.

Out of all of his brothers, he looks up to Leo the most.

His gamer tag is "Flavortown".

His favorite music genre are boy bands.

He's interested in horoscopes.

He has ADHD.

He chooses scissors every time in Rock, Paper, Scissors.

He's the youngest of his brothers.

He's the family cook.

His favorite superheroes are Batman and Superman.

He loves to draw, paint, and color.

Favorite Headcanons About Mikey

He has three known alter-egos: Dr. Delicate Touch, Dr. Feelings, and Dr. Positive.

He has ADHD.

His pronouns are He/She.

Like Donnie, she enjoys wearing skirts, but instead of occasionally, she wears them as often as she can.

He and April are always painting amazing graffiti art in the sewer tunnels.

She hides in her shell when she's overwhelmed, startled, or upset until she calms down.

His favorite type of dancing is freestyle.

She loves rollerskating just as much as skateboarding.

He once found a raccoon, mistook it for a cat, and begged Splinter to let him keep it.

She was not allowed to keep the raccoon.

Because he loves art, his sibling's walls are covered in his drawings.

She flops down on a couch or chair every time she sits down.

He'll sometimes say random things out of the blue, but not realize he said it out loud until the others acknowledge it. Sometimes, they don't react to spare him the embarrassment, being that it's normal for him.

She loves Disney movies and sings along to all the songs, even if she doesn't know the words.

After using his mystic powers for the first time during the movie, his hands became shaky and painful. They eventually became better, but he had to go through the "What if I'm like this forever" phase.

She's pansexual.

Favorite Canon Facts About Leo

He cussed once but didn't know what it meant.

He's a red-eared slider.

His favorite music genre is glam rock.

He's really good at basketball.

He's fluent in Spanish.

He loves cracking jokes, especially in the middle of a battle.

He's the fastest runner among his brothers.

Favorite Headcanons About Leo

His pronouns are He/Him.

He's gay but very flirty with any gender- but only if it's to smooth-talk them into doing something for him.

He likes freestyle dancing along with Mikey.

He's rickrolled his entire family at least twice each.

He used to bite a lot as a kid, especially when he was teething.

He doesn't discriminate between dogs and cats.

He has excellent medical training.

He may not take a lot of things seriously, but when Donnie began using sign language, he was the one to encourage everyone else to learn it. He was even fluent long before anyone else was.

He hates reading.

He prefers to wear sweats.

He has ADHD, like Mikey.

He and Donnie share a twin's connection, meaning they can hear each other's thoughts and sense their emotions if they're strong enough.

Favorite Canon Facts About Raph

He was absolutely heart-broken when Raphael died in the apocalyptic future, but Donnie's death changed him permanently because their connection was severed.

He's an insomniac.

He is a snapping turtle.

His catchphrase is "Like a Boss!"

He loves animals.

He regularly speaks in the third-person.

He's the eldest of his brothers.

He's allergic to peanuts.

Whenever he's on the phone with any of his brothers, he speaks in a gentle tone as if talking to an infant.

His favorite music genre is Rhythm and Blues.

He has separation anxiety.

He wears a retainer headset at night.

He has an obsession with pushing big, red buttons.

He's terrible at taking pictures.

He lets off several scents depending on his emotions if they're strong.

He loves to spar.

He likes to dress in drag and animal costumes.

He loves stuffed animals and plushies.

Big heart, small brain.

Favorite Headcanons About Raph

His pronouns are He/She.

Two of her hobbies are baking and knitting, both of which she's become really good at.

He loves strawberries. And no, not just because they're red.

To her brothers' amusement, she's a raging video-gamer and gets upset when she loses, but not when playing with Mikey.

He loves hugs, snuggling, and holding hands with his brothers and April.

She likes Kool-Aid, but only because it stains her mouth different colors.

He sometimes has trouble communicating and stammers a lot, especially when stressed.

She can't have straws because she always chews on them, even if they're the reusable ones. She once destroyed Mikey's curly straw by accident, but bought a whole new pack as an apology. She was only able to afford it because she did Donnie's chores to earn enough money.

He loves to sing, even though he's no good at it.

She's bisexual.

He's excellent at comforting others when they need it.

After the movie, she needed to wear an eyepatch.

Favorite Canon Facts About April

She's not afraid of a fight, even if her opponent is bigger and stronger than her.

She's rather intelligent.

She gets along well with everyone she meets unless they're mean to her or do something bad.

She loves to play video games.

She is Splinter's student and is currently learning Ninjutsu.

She has accurate aim and can use anything as a weapon.

Hating April for her "new race" is racist. Stop it.

Favorite Headcanons About April

It's pronouns are They/It.

They're nonbinary.

It worked overtime to suprise the boys with Nintendo Switches.

They consider the Hamato family as their own and call the turtles their brothers often.

It's bisexual.

They snap at anyone who misgenders or uses the wrong pronouns for any of their siblings.

It loves sleepovers.

They're dating Sunita.

The first time it wore a binder, everyone noticed instantly and started panicking until it told them.

Favorite Canon Facts About Splinter

He always falls asleep after drinking milk and eating cake.

He used to date Big Mama.

He refers to his sons as their mask's colors.

He can turn the lights off in any room he's in with a clap of his hands, giving him an advantage by using the darkness.

He was a professional actor before his mutation.

He's a really good singer.

He's able to sew rather well.

He can move faster than an eye could follow.

He can set different parts of his body on fire at will.

Favorite Headcanons About Splinter

His pronouns are He/Him.

He had to put leashes on the turtle tots to keep track of them.

He can actually be a good dad if he really needs to be.

Although he rarely says it out loud, he is extremely proud of all of his sons, but secretly wishes he had done more for them as they grew up.

He was extremely protective of Donnie as he grew up and took great favor in making sure she was safe because of his soft shell. The others never got jealous of all the attention she got because they knew how important it was to keep him safe- Well... maybe Leo did a few times. When she grew up and made himself a battleshell, Splinter finally relaxed.

Headcanons About All

The turtles shed their skin and shells annually.

[intertexts]

ok bear with me here this is just going to be me working through my thought process.

skipping out on my work 2 think abt them. thank u btw to all the ghostkicks & wiwi enjoyers who have enabled me to be chill with talking about william wisp masochism on main i lov uuuuuuuuuuu. anyway new haven wards so much more miserable as always. good baseline starting out point. i think wibby Was still currently very much self harming when he joined the wards. he stopped or like, was less frequent about it after he met dakota for the first time & went Ohhhh this guy can like. feel whatever i do to myself. ahaha. i'd rather kill myself than hurt anyone else even more! and now i don't even have this for myself! (crucially dakota does Not mind. his pain tolerance is umm. crazy high, also he is Not a nosy bitch. like, obviously he will be distressed at certain situations, but he won't ask questions, he won't bring it up. if someone wants to tell him something, they will, but he isn't going to fucking push. other peoples business is their business not his.) anyway he stops a couple months into knowing dakota and virion, after effectively moving out of david's apartment & in with them, relapses now and again after particularly bad situations.

& then wibby also like. is constantly low level terrified. he hates hurting. he's afraid of dying. he's always got something bruised or strained or taped up at minimum. despite being not very combat-focused, he's one of the new haven wards. who are of course only nominally and legally & financially wards, & otherwise have all the responsibilities of full protectorate members. he doesn't. Like pain. after a while it's too familiar to be exciting. (this isn't my 1 million word thesis on wiwi so i will try soo hard not 2 just make this a comparison of wiwi/wibby differences in characterization that'll come later) he is a tightly knotted ball of self-loathing though. &. u know. it's complicated. virion Won't do fucked up shit to him. like, he straight up can't and william won't ask him to & he won't do it. it takes virion like. months to be okay with *sparring* with them & he still freaks out badstyle sometimes. (<- he does not freak out badstyle at first. only like. a month or so after he realizes oh god. i like them i don't want to hurt them.)

dakota. has a really fucking complicated relationship w/ his pain sense. he is of course martyr complex of all time. he hated it for a very long time before his second trigger-- it's like. such a nasty joke. yeah you can feel everyone's pain but you can't do anything about it. after his second trigger things r simultaneously better & worse... he is so monumentally & kind of irreparably fucked up over kat's death, but also... he can do things now. he can help. so he's helping always as much as he can, burning himself out as much as everyone around him will let him.

irt wibby and virion he. really likes it, actually? he has... well. they all have separation anxiety w/ each other, but dakota specifically has trouble letting people out of sight, sometimes. u know. he triggered not knowing where his parents were and not knowing where to find them or how to help them. & his pain tolerance is, again, high enough that. most things don't bother him anymore. and he can always keep track of them, like this. he knows what they feel like and all their familiar aches and pains & even when they're out of sight he won't start panicking that they're Gone because he can feel virion's bruised shoulder as he pours hot water in the kitchen in the back of his mind. it's comforting. maybe also a little weird and something that would probably creep normal people out, but none of them are normal! virion likes knowing that. having-- a leash. well. not a leash, necessarily, but knowing that he's not entirely alone and isolated again? knowing that they won't let him leave and spiral badly again like he did after his trigger event, that they won't let him hurt anyone too badly.... yeah. yeah. wibby.......... well um they're ghostkicks. it should be obvious. theywould live in each others ribcages if they could!!!!!

oh god. just thought abt nhw dakota's pain perception (already something i have 1 billion thoughts abt esp. in conjunction with them) & william's messy thing with conflating intimacy & danger & his relationship 2 pain. 1 million dead 1 billion injured.

[incorrectsides]

the dark voice coming out at the dog bark i’m gonna sob

[mallcus]

my other son, violet, looks like two twisted wonderland characters combined. thanks, yana. he’s also a dorm leader....... .-.

[lacertae-dreamscape]

me every day: i wanna send love to friend

me, staring at chat with friend: but what if i sound clingy bcs i wanna talk w them every day

me: maybe i shouldn’t?

me: but i want to

me: but what if they get annoyed that im so clingy

me: but what if *they’re waiting for me to talk with them because they also want but feel like they’d bother me*

me: YOU’D NEVER BOTHER ME FRIENDS BCS U ARE LOVED

me: but what if they don’t want to talk to me today

[0ghostwriter0]

EXPANSION

Sequel to EXPANDING

MASTERLIST

Pairings: Henry Cavill x reader

Word count: 1,473

Warnings: emotional fluff, sensitive topics

Summary: Henry brought up a big conversation which causes emotional pain

Fighting the urge to fall asleep, you drag yourself down the hallway away from the broken bedroom. The once heart home drooped in the tense atmosphere. The sun mocked your cold body. Shallow and sheer, rays of light etched out the small path to the main bathroom. Once you passed the threshold of the stony bathroom, your legs buckled underneath you. You resembled a bundle against the tiled floor- no purpose to get up. The high ceilings intimidated your fragile form. You wished for the ground to open and swallow you whole. Finally escape the fear and guilt.

Eventually, the deceptive sunlight left shivers down your exposed back. The light silk robe, which had slipped on to your body after your accent from the cold sheets, was now falling off of your broken body. Small clinks on the floorboards caught your sensitive ears. Henry. A wet sniffing nose connected with your neck as soft paws gently nudged your back. The furry bear continued his relentless nudges as your heart sank back into the depths of your stomach.

Grrrrr. A small growl realised from the loveable four-legged animal. Reluctantly dragging yourself to sit up, Kal found a spot to lay with you once again. Carefully, the American akita’s head found a comfortable patch on your stomach to cosy up as you gently stroked the hair behind his ears. Time escaped you as Kal relieved your anxieties.

After what could have been hours, you made your decent with the bear following closely behind. The journey to the kitchen felt harder as you passed each and every big moment in your relationship. Hanging directly in front of the base of the stairs, the happiest day of your life stared back at you.

Inside a small glass frame, you sat comfortably in Henry’s arms as he carried you through the threshold of your first home.

“Ahhh oh seriouSLY, Henry don’t drop mmmmmemeee!” You exclaimed as Henry attempted to open the door while still clutching on to your body. A deep chuckle rose from his chest as the door was pulled open. Your small frame fit perfectly in the arms of your handsome lover. This day was a promise not to leave when it gets hard. No matter what happens, you’d both come home.

“I’ll never let you fall” he whispered before placing a delicate kiss against your flushed forehead. Flash. A white light blinded you both as Henry’s mother captured the innocent exchange between the lovers. Embarrassed, you snuggled deeper into Henry’s arms.

“Welcome home, my love” Henry’s words faded into the happy image which lied encapsulated in the glass frame. Tears fell softly down the side of your face. Grrrr. Looking down slowly, your eyes were met with a hungry dog awaiting his breakfast. Trailing towards the heart of the home, Kal rushed off knowing exactly where his food was kept. As you slipped into the rustic kitchen, your saddened eyes were captured by a lone phone. He left without it. You heart raced at the idea that he’d have to come back for his phone. You’d see him again. Right? The silver bodied phone sat to torment your mind.

After feeding the hungry bear, you sat silently at the kitchen table contemplating how you’d tell Henry that you had already lost his baby. Before you got too lost in though, you rose to make a coffee. Coffee. Another thing you didn’t think about. When you were on set did you drink too much coffee? You’re always told that high caffeine intake can harm a baby. Did that do it? The coffee jar shook rapidly and your hand trembled. Crash.

The glass container slipped from your grasp with a nightly crash against the solid floor boards. Broken glass coated the ground beneath your feet. Without a thought, you dropped down to clear up the mixture of coffee granules and glass shards. You didn’t notice the stabbing pain of glass imbedding into your shins. Red. The glass started to turn red as cuts began to bleed. Your mind was pulled back to the tear staining journey in the back of the ambulance. The young paramedic next to you was star struck but hid it well as you clutched her hand while the pain flooded through your legs. The sirens echoed through your mind like a broken record.

Nudging under your arm, Kal reminded you that the quicker you cleared away the mess, the quicker you could clean away the red substance. Sweeping away the remains, your hand bled more but you were just relieved that the floor was clean and clear. Were you a walking hazard? Carefully, you washed away the blood that coated the palms of your hands as well as the cuts on your legs. After a while, all the glass had been removed and cuts had been lightly covered with antiseptic cream.

Hours had past since your problematic experience with a jar of coffee, you now laid with the furry bear on a cosy sofa. The soft snoring of the four-legged animal made you feel safe as he radiated the same heat as Henry. The thin silk robe hidden lasted after cleaning up the kitchen which meant that you were sat in Henry’s hoodie and a pair of worn leggings. The strong husky radiated off of the hoodie and blessed your senses. Suddenly, the American Akita jumped from his slumber to race to the front door. growling at the door, your heart started racing as you knew, all too well, who had just come home.

Curling into a ball, you didn’t hear the click of the door or the heavy footsteps that echoed through the house to find you. All you could heart was the faint sirens hiding in the creases of your heart. Comfortingly warm, a large hand rested on your shoulder. The predator had found its prey. You jumped at the sudden pressure and tried to scurry away before two warm arms snaked around you. Easing slowly, your heart started to fall out of rhythm.

“I’m sorry” the words wobbled from your mouth as tears threatened to spill from your eyes. Henry tightens his grip on your trembling body, providing the stability you need.

“Love, you have nothing to be sorry for, I lov-“ Henry coos before you cut him off. Henry’s eyes widen but he doesn’t let you go.

“Don’t because after what I have to say, you won’t mean it anymore.” You sniffled. Henry’s grasp around you stiffens as he feels like he’s lost you again. Turning out of his arms, you try your hardest to look at his face but the pain in his posture causes you to look back down to your lap.

“I want - wanted a baby. Your baby. I couldn’t think of anything better but it was too late…” Henry’s face falls into concern as your words are laced with guilt.

“W-we had sperated and I was urmmm bback on set, set for umm” you tried but the conversation was harder than your mind had even fathomed. Noticing that you were struggling, Henry captured your shaking hands in his and begun to draw circles with his thumbs.

“I was busy and that’s no excuse but if I wasn’t busy maybe I would have picked up the signs bbbbbut urm it was too late” Henry caught on to the meaning behind your words and looked up to your tear filled eyes.

“Love, we were going to be parents?” Henry’s eyes watered as realisation hit. He was going to be a dad already. the words escaped your brain which left you with a nod as tears continued to stream.

“Y/N, I still love you. You didn’t have to keep this to yourself. You are enough for me I don’t need anything more. I just need you. I need you to be healthy and happy.” Henrys words touched your heart in a way that only he could.

“Hen-nnry I didn’t want you to think that you had to come back to me after. I wanted you t—to be free. I couldn’t stand it if you came back to me because it was my fault… my fault we ended and my fault that —-we lost our… baby” you stuttered as waves of emotion hit from the inside out.

Tears blurred your vision but you felt the warm arms of your lover wrap around you like a blanket.

“Me and you from now on, we don’t keep anything from each other, we share everything no matter how bad.” Henry whispered into your hair while you trembled.

“I want to give you a baby” you stuttered as you held Henry close.

“Then we try. I will make sure we have a baby. Our baby” Henry spoke softly as you both laid in each others arms for the rest of the evening.

TAGLIST: @325575 @jessiecavill @pamela-stark98 @singhallady @i-should-probably-be-asleep-rn @evrthefanatic @esmmyy @madbaddic7ed @melisssaa @sofiebstar @mali1mugan2 @abb-lan-5sos @bidfv @liajiah

Thank you for requesting for a part two or commenting : @collegesleezy @melisssaa @willkatfanfromasia @mayafatimakhan @seriouslygoodlookinggents @moonfaery @being-worthy @madbaddic7ed @thecavillstache

[little-diable]

Are you gonna break? - Jasper Hale (angst/fluff)

Request by anon: Hi love. Your writing is so well, I live for your angst. Can I please request 6,9 and 10 angst for jasper. If you don’t mind me requesting can it be after the events of him returning back to forks? Thank you so much? How are you ,by the way?

I’m good, thank you lovie! The lyrics are from my favorite song “save yourself” by Kaleo (even got that one inked on my arm). Listened to this version, while writing. Enjoy my loves. xxx

6 “My nightmares keep on haunting me”

9 “Don’t finish that sentence, please”

10 “I can’t keep on acting like we’re just friends”

Well there is more than meets the eye Heart like yours is rare to find

“Jas?” Her hoarse voice fell from his speaker, laced with exhaustion, tired from laying awake for hours on end, tossing and turning in her sheets. (Y/n) pressed her phone closer to her ear, hand placed across her burning eyes, fluttering close with very breath she took.

“Are you alright, darlin’?” Her best friends voice spoke to her, instantly calming her racing mind. “My nightmares keep on haunting me,” (y/n) gulped, trying to force the cruel memories out of her head, desperately trying to forget about her nightmare. 

“I’ll be there in a few.” Jasper ended the call, running through the forest, golden eyes finding hers as he jumped into her room. (Y/n) was dressed in an old sweater of his, covers swallowing her frame, tears were glistering on her skin, a sight that made his heart ache. Jasper crawled under the covers, wrapping his arms around her. 

“Want to tell me about it, darlin’?” He kissed her forehead, (y/n) nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck. 

“You left me, again,” (y/n) stuttered, the sound alone made him wrap his arms around her even tighter, “left me all alone” tears were welling up in her eyes once again, “the worst part about it all” she took a deep breath, “it’s not even unimaginable.” 

Jasper grasped her chin, tilted her head backwards, (y/e/c) eyes forced to look at his golden ones. “Darlin’, I’m so sorry, but you know, that we had to it, there was no other way.” His raspy voice made her shiver, (y/n) slowly let go of him, sitting up as wiped her tears away with the sleeves of the sweater. 

Jasper and the Cullens had been gone for months, leaving without any goodbye or any traces, (y/n) had terribly missed him, his sudden disappearing had ripped her apart, had shattered her heart into a million pieces, bleeding for him. She still wasn’t over it, even weeks after his return, weeks after being around him nonstop, too scared, that he’d vanish once again. 

Choose your words before you speak Can you see that all you've got is time?

“You could have at least told me,” her whisper made him freeze, Jasper could feel the frustration rising in her bones, creeping up her body, getting mixed up with the haunting anxiety. “Darlin’,” he tried to grasp her hand but (y/n) flinched away, she pulled the covers off her frame, rising from the bed, “Don’t, it’s fine, really. I cried myself to sleep every night, praying that you’ll find your way back to me, Jasper, I wouldn’t have survived without you any longer.” She deeply exhaled, trying to calm her rapidly beating heart. 

“(Y/n),” his voice seemed to get deeper, desperate eyes were gazing at her, careful not to spill the emotions he kept bottled inside of him for months, not ready to ruin their friendship any time soon. A sob made it past her quivering lips, (y/n) grasped her table, stabilizing her trembling legs, she closed her eyes, didn’t want to look at him. “Don’t you see? Jasper, I lov-” he interrupted her, rose from the bed, “Don’t finish that sentence, please.” 

Jasper stepped towards her, forcing her into his embrace, (y/n) had her hands balled into fists, sobbing against his cold chest. He felt scared, couldn’t let her finish her sentence, he didn’t feel worthy of her love, she’d deserve someone better than him, someone where she wouldn’t be at risk of getting hurt. He couldn’t give her the life she deserves, couldn’t give her any children, the only thing he’d be able to provide her with, would be his love and Jasper wasn’t sure, if that would ever be enough. 

Oh won't you save yourself Oh darling save yourself for someone else

(Y/n) whimpered, squeezed her eyes shut, another wave of exhaustion crashed upon her, Jasper picked her up and carried her back to her bed. “I can’t keep on acting like we’re just friends,” (y/n) spoke into the darkness of her room, no words left Jaspers lips, too many thoughts began to race through his mind, weighing his options. His heart was aching for her, calling out to hers, desperate to be conjoint. 

“Darlin’, you can’t love me,” Jasper sighed, he sat next to her, hands combing through her (y/h/c) hair, her eyes automatically fluttered close, savoring the way his cold skin felt against hers. “I can’t stop it, you know that,” (y/n) whispered, “It’s alright, I know that you don’t feel the same.” Her tears had stopped flowing, an uneasy feeling settled inside of her, she should have kept her mouth shut, should have fought through the lonely feeling. 

“What?” Jasper pulled her closer, “Darlin’, I love you more than anything.” He spoke, his breath fanned across her features, made her snap her eyes open, dilated pupils staring at him. She stuttered some incomprehensible words, a frown began to appear on her face, the small crease between her eyebrows he found himself obsessing over more than once, brought a smile onto his lips. 

Tell your secrets to the night You do yours and I do mine

“(Y/n), darlin’,” he placed his cold hands on her jawline, gazing at her. “I’ve been in love with you for the longest time, but I don’t deserve you. You need somebody who’ll be able to protect you, not someone who’s at risk of hurting you for most parts of the day.” His confession made her chuckle, (y/n) placed her hands over his, “Jasper, that’s bullshit and you know it, we’ve been friends for years and not once have you hurt me.” 

He wanted to come back with any argument, any statement, but Jasper couldn’t come up with anything, too entranced by her twinkling eyes, so he leaned his body towards her, finally pressing his lips against hers. (Y/n) instantly responded to the kiss, lips moving in synch with his, deepening the kiss as Jasper ran his tongue across her lower lip, begging for more. 

It seemed as if Jasper had realized, that he stood no chance against her strong mind, she wouldn’t let go of him and he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

-----

Taglist (tell me, if I should add you): @o-livvy @twilight-kpop​

[thyandrawrites]

Putting a positive spin on that other anon's ask: Do you have a favourite dynamic in BnHA? Which parts of the fandom/community do you enjoy hanging out in? Any favourite head cannons or theories (or whatever "take" was supposed to mean idk)

Hi, anon!

I love a lot of dynamics in bnha but I think my faves are definitely the League bc found family is the best flavor ever. Other dynamics I really enjoy are Dabi and Shouto's (lack of) siblings bond, Dabi & Natsuo bc it makes me cry, the bakusquad bc it's premium shitpost content, and Todoroki and Bakugou's "friendship" (that's more siblings-like than anything, lmao). Oh and this is entirely fanon but I guess I also really enjoy exploring the dynamic Hawks could've had with the League bc it makes for great character study imho

As for my favourite portion of the fandom, I'd say the villain stans are my people but I'm actually just a lov stan. All the other villains of the series don't have any appeal to me.

The only real place that has felt and continues to feel like a community to me is a dbhwks server I'm in, chicken tenders and bacon bits. I wanted to tag the blog in case someone wanted to join but tumblr is being stinky and not letting me do it. But anyways. I made a lot of friends thanks to that discord server and so far it has been the only stress free, discourse free and genuinely encouraging place for me as a content creator seeking a safe space for sharing and finding new content or just have a random chitchat. There have been times when tumblr gave me loads of stress, but ctabb let me just exist without having to worry about that. While here you share a thought and 5 different people feel entitled to write an essay about why they disagree and your point is wrong, I found that on discord people have an easier time remembering that there's an actual human being behind the computer screen. Maybe it's just that discord is inherently moderated while tumblr is more like a fish market. Idk. I'm just lucky I had the balls to join ctabb 2 years ago despite my social anxiety. A decision I don't regret

As for favourite headcanons or theories... Gosh, okay, you know when people ask you what's your favourite book/movie/song and you're put on the spot and either can't think of anything or you have too many to list? That's me rn. Lol. This blog is literally filled with theories and meta but I can't think of one rn.

I guess my biggest leap of faith rn is that Endvr is being set up to fail again and won't just get handed redemption without working for it (since, as I understand from the sparse spoilers I see sometimes on my dash, he's still entirely missing the point that he needs to tone down the hero and work on being a better father). Idk if you could consider it a theory. Ideally, it should be a given bc the current plotline is a repeat of pro hero arc (so it should end the same way), but I guess we'll see

[slightlymore]

Pride | Part 8 [The End]

Pairing: Doyoung, Y/N Other characters: Haechan, Johnny cameo Genre: Series | Smut | Angst | Crack | Fluff Warnings: as usual, language, same issues around mental health and unhealthy coping mechanisms, angsty, hard hitting family drama Words: 10K lol idk I wanted to write more bc it feels a little rushed but then it would drag too much

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 |  Part 8 THE END

Okay so I did write this while severely sleep-deprived lol (please get enough sleep, don’t do what I do) so it might be all over the place anyways, when I started Pride I had no idea I would write so many parts, and that it would have been so angsty honk honk tell me if you liked the ending or not and I would love to hear what your overall thoughts on this series are (it’s fine even if it’s like “it sucked aha”) thank you for reading it, I appreciate your love and support a lot!! very many heart emojis here that I can’t do on the laptop, insert also sad clown emoji

TIME JUMPS EXPLANATION

Endind scene commentary 

Doyoung has always regretted the things he had done wrong, when he was feeling weak, or imperfect, or exhausted. He would think about those moments and learn the same thing all over. Never again. And he lived with that mantra for a long time. Never again. Don’t slip, don’t let yourself go. Because it was painful.

But was it effectively painful as is, or was it only because he knew he shouldn’t have done that in the first place? Would it have been painful if he consciously let himself go? Was he feeling guilty for the mistake or for not being perfect? And at night, while breathing in and silently screaming his desire to be fragile, to break, to show people his soft imperfect soul he would think about that again and again. He appreciated that in other people a lot. Why would other people hate it in him? Why has he hated himself for such a long time? It is a denial of the inevitable. Just accept yourself, Doyoung. Accept yourself. Accept. And he thought he did it. Doyoung was sure he did it all. But as the first rays of sun hit his trembling eyelids, he already forgot. He opened up his eyes and looked at his ceiling, not remembering a single thing he told himself in the intimacy of the night.

_____

When the phone rang for the first time, you jolted on your seat, staring it down as if it was some kind of poisonous reptile. 

God, you hated speaking on the phone. 

When it rang again your eyes darted around you looking at the way your desk neighbors were judging you for taking so long to pick it up. 

You breathed in and out. 

“Y/N from Marketing speaking?” you mumbled into it. “Pizza or noodles?” a lazy but confident voice asked. You blinked, silent for a few moments, and looked around as if checking what was going on. “Who is this?” you whispered. A loud snort made you wince and remove the receiver from your ear. “-can’t believe you don’t recognize the voice of the best boy, the light of your life, the reason of your existence, the spawn of god, the joy of your miserable-,” the voice said when you listened to it again. 

You closed your eyes and pinched the base of your nose. “Haechan,” you interrupted the litany, suddenly aware of the migraine lingering in the darkest part of your head. “So, pizza or noodles?” he chuckled satisfied.

It was pizza, and as you sat down for lunch you curiously looked around the dining hall.  It was the first meal at the company and if it wasn’t for Haechan you wouldn’t have even known that there was a cafeteria at all. Your eyes darted to your left. It was louder than you’d expect from grown-ups. 

“Yeah, it’s just like in high school”, Haechan swallowed his food, following the direction of your eyes as if knowing what you were thinking. Then he put down the slice of pizza he was holding and cleaned his fingers on a napkin. 

“Okay, so, that table-”, he indicated with his head a group of people behind him, “lawyers. They can suck my dick and balls. And I’m definitely not saying this because they bully the IT department and we’d kill each other. Then in that one”, he indicated another table in the middle of the hall, “graphic designers. You probably see them around in the marketing wing where you’re at. Eh,” he shrugged, “normal people. Kinda weird. You’d think they won’t have colors on their clothes since they use a computer, but they still do for some arcane reason”. 

You stared at them but only briefly before concentrating on your food as a few eyes returned the glares. The company was big and had hundreds of workers, but for some reason everywhere you looked around, people would stare back and whisper between themselves. “It’s because you made a ruckus at the party yesterday. Don’t worry, it will die soon.” Haechan explained, again reading your mind. It was kind of scary. “Where’s your group of people? Why are you eating with me?” you asked, unable to think about the day before. 

About to go home the previous night, you looked for Doyoung first. You had no idea why. No, okay, you obviously knew why, but you didn’t know what you would tell him if you'd actually found him. 

So you just gave up, suddenly anxious. 

During the drive home, you called Johnny, not caring about the late hour. He had some explaining to do. “I can’t believe you’ve done that,” was the first thing you said into the phone. 

Johnny’s voice was bright and not at all sleepy. He probably wasn’t home. 

“So you’ve met him,” he chuckled lightly. “John,” you murmured tired, unable to say anything more and hoping that the tone of your voice would make him understand. And he did. “I know, I know. But listen, you’re in love with him,” he said. You groaned. “I don’t know, Johnny. I was alright before meeting him again”.

Johnny’s voice got clearer signaling that he went somewhere quieter. “It’s not true. You were not okay. Do you think I don’t have eyes?”

“But what if-” your voice stopped working and you had to gulp down. Your eyes stung as finally, you let your emotions flow after seeing Doyoung. 

God, you didn’t want to cry. 

“What if I’m like this only because I can’t have him? What if, I don’t know, we get together, right? and, and, what if, fuck, I don’t know, I just change my mind? and I hurt him? again? like, like-” you stuttered and ate your words. “Like you did with me?” Johnny asked. You started to cry silently. “Listen,” he repeated calmly, still able to hear your muffled breaths, “it’s going to be alright. What happened with us it’s not your fault, okay? Not entirely. We-” he stopped as well, thinking. “Johnny, it’s fine, we don’t have to talk about that again,” you sniffled. “No, no, wait, I need the right words,” he assured you. “We just weren’t a match, okay? We liked each other because we were good friends and we saw each other grow up, we were always together and we do love each other, okay? we really do, but not- just not that way,” he added after a pause. You nodded, even if he wasn’t able to see, remembering the long and emotional conversation you had a few months ago. “Doyoung though-” he went on and you breathed in and out, “he’s different. And you know that. Everything is different with him. So go and tell him what you feel, Y/N, please. I hate seeing you this way,” Johnny’s voice got thinner as if was worried. You sniffled again in silence and you both just listened to each other's breaths for a while. It calmed you. “Well,” you finally spoke with a hoarse voice. “It’s too late now” “No, no, Y/N-” Johnny interrupted you. “John, he’s married, he got married, he did it, it’s too late, I can’t-” you interrupted him as well. “Okay, okay, he’s married, like a fucking dumbass, okay,” he calmed you again. “But, honestly, I don’t give a single fuck at the same time. You said he didn’t even know the girl. He got set up. By his family. Like in a fucking soap opera. Who does that nowadays?” You sighed slightly amused. “Say fuck one more time”. “Fuck,” he swore then lightly chuckled. “Seriously though, talk to him, okay?”

And you said that you would. 

And now you were there, eyes darting in the cafeteria looking for Doyoung again, heart stinging and anxiety as never before. 

Haechan raised an eyebrow at your question. “I’m eating with you because you would probably eat alone right now. And-” he talked raising a finger as he sensed you wanting to interrupt him, “-if by 'my group of people'" he mimicked the quotations marks with his fingers, "you mean Doyoung, he never eats here. He stays in the office.”

You put your slice of pizza down and crossed your arms on your chest as if indicating that you didn’t like how Haechan assumed things.  Haechan smiled.  “I wasn’t looking for Doyoung”, you lied.  Haechan mocked you with a bemused face. “I wAsn’t loOkiNg foR DoYouNg. I can tell him that you were looking for him if you want”.  “No, Haechan. Wait, I’m-” you clenched your jaw and closed your eyes briefly. 

Haechan stared at you waiting for you to go on sensing something more than just you wanting to see your crush. 

“Do you think I should talk to him?” you asked after the pause.  The boy's eyes turned serious.  “About what?” he asked as well.  You sighed. “About us. We… I don’t know. We almost kinda dated and he liked me first but I liked another guy and then when I understood my feelings he said that he was getting married and I had to act so quickly and I fucking panicked and then he was gone and I realized how much I’m in lov-” you stopped yourself from the frantic babbling. You gulped and looked around, as if afraid of people hearing you, or - worse - Doyoung himself. 

Haechan breathed in and out slowly while adjusting his glasses on his nose. “I think you should talk then,” he replied quietly. 

Your eyes darted towards his, but he wasn’t looking at you. Staring down at his pizza he played with a piece of it, rolling it around. “Are you guys not going along? Do you hate talking about him?” you asked, suddenly aware of his discomfort. 

Haechan thought about it for a second then when he raised his face he got a wide smirk on. 

“Every day that I see him he has a resting bitch face,” he replied, “or he’s annoyed, or he wants to punch me, or he’s like I had enough of you, Haechan,” he deepened his voice trying to imitate him.  You rolled your eyes amused, almost if seeing Doyoung in front of you. 

“Honestly? He’s… weird,” he added a little more seriously. You waited for him to go on, a light pressure wrapping your heart. 

“It’s like,” Haechan spoke again looking at the ceiling as if unsure of what words to use, “he’s a house with all the lights on, and you come closer, but no one is inside?” he questioned looking back at you.  “So you’re left with this sense of worry and uneasiness. I want to understand him but he… won’t let me get close. Not that I actually want that,” he explained with a smile. 

You rested your back on the chair, pensive and suddenly feeling uneasy yourself by Haechan’s smile that didn’t reach his eyes at all.

_____

Insomnia, change in appetite, dizziness, rapid mood swings, intrusive thoughts, lack of concentration, pronounced sensitivity to external events, unfulfilled and intense longing. Isn’t this what Doyoung feared all along? Isn’t this what he tried to avoid? 

“You don’t look that good, son.” 

Doyoung turned his head towards his father as if seeing him for the first time. He hasn't been for a while now but thanks for noticing. 

It was a bright and yellow morning. Rude and unnecessary. 

“Maybe,” the man talked again with a weird twinkle in his eyes, smiling at his wife, making her chuckle as if she was already able to understand what he was trying to say, “you didn’t get enough sleep last night?” his father finished. Doyoung’s mother hit her husband’s hand tenderly with a little stop it. “I know you’re a grown-up man, Doyoung, but we still have some rules in this house. Sleeping with a lady on the first date it not gallant”. 

Doyoung stared at them both. 

Oh. 

Right.

He met his allegedly future wife the previous night. And they were right. He did come back in the morning. It was a beautiful evening. Doyoung was sitting down rolling the stem of his glass of wine between two fingers, watching the way the dim lights of the restaurant made the golden liquid shine. Then he opened up another button on his shirt, feeling pathetic that he actually made an effort to look good for someone he didn’t care about. He ruffled his hair. He sighed. When The Wife came, he saw her legs first, walking slowly in a high pair of heels. Doyoung let his eyes gaze on them, going up shamelessly until meeting the seam of her tight dress. So he wasn’t the only one that tried for no reason. In spite of everything, Doyoung stood up and put a smile on his face. The Wife did the same and shook his hand. She sat down and the waiter came to fill up her glass as well. She said she was sorry for being a little late. Doyoung said it was alright. It was a nice night, wasn’t it? Yes, it was indeed. Kinda chilly. Yes, it is. The smog these days is terrible. Have you ever eaten in this restaurant? No, it’s my first time. What do you think is good? Let’s check the menu. 

“Listen, Doyoung,” she finally said his name after a moment of silence, the cutlery gently hitting the plates as the only sound to fill the room. Doyoung looked up chewing slowly, unable to feel any taste. “You seem like a good person and I don’t know what kind of relationship you have with your family and what’s your opinion on all of this-” she started gesturing vaguely at them both, “-but I am in love with somebody else”, she finished. 

Doyoung blinked at her, feeling nothing and gulped down. His head was completely empty. 

He looked at her worried and pained face and felt like seeing his reflection in a mirror. She was in love? He felt sorry. 

But she was also happy. He could see it in her eyes, in the way her expression wrinkles weren’t accustomed to frowning like that. She wasn't unhappy. She was just worried. That Doyoung would say that he doesn’t care about her love. Forcing her to marry him anyway. 

“Me too”, Doyoung said after a few seconds. 

The relief that washed over The Wife’s face was so contagious that Doyoung felt like smiling himself, but he didn’t. It wasn’t nothing to be happy for. Not for him. Not at that moment. 

“So what are we going to do?” he asked her. She blushed. “We’re not going to get married. If my parents don’t agree... I’ll just run away! - with him!”. 

She was so confident, radiant, and - in love - that Doyoung had to recollect himself after being hit with so much light. She knew what she wanted and she was going to get it. She was in love and she was loved back. 

Doyoung felt like crying. He wanted that so badly as well. 

“I came here to speak to you directly because even if I already knew what I was about to do, I thought it wasn’t unfair to not explain myself and just vanish”, she added. Doyoung nodded and sipped on his drink, unable to speak. The Wife-but-not-Doyoung’s-one-anymore looked at him with a wide smile but he saw how it flattered a little seeing his expression.   “And what are you going to do?” she asked cautiously. Doyoung shrugged, letting his lips stretch in a smile that couldn’t reach his eyes. “I don’t know. Live in the moment, I guess,” was his reply, hoping that it was an adequate answer and to just drop that conversation. 

The Wife furrowed her eyebrows. 

“Did you come here with the intent to actually force yourself into this stupid relationship? While being in love with somebody else? Like an idiot?” the Wife asked. 

Doyoung felt his eyes widen at her use of words. He suddenly felt pathetic and weak in comparison. 

“No one is waiting for me,” he explained. “It’s too late now”. The Wife scoffed. “Are you in love or what?”. 

Doyoung emptied his glass with a trembling hand. 

“I just feel like I’ve been fighting a lot by myself while no one is fighting for me, so I gave up, as pitiful as that might sound,” he explained himself. His voice got sharper and he just wanted to go home. 

The girl rested her back on the chair while crossing her arms on her chest with an angry expression. The fact that she didn’t need to walk on eggshells around him anymore made her real personality shine through. Doyoung found it rather refreshing but he hated it at the same time. He was scrutinizing himself very well already, judging his every step and word and thought. He didn’t need other people to do it as well. 

“So you never broke down,” she observed. Doyoung looked up. 

“Do you need to reach a breaking point?” he questioned. “Do I really need to get to the point of losing all my pride and sanity? It doesn’t have to be like this. Love is not like this”. 

The Wife tilted her head to the side as if analyzing him. Doyoung felt vulnerable all of a sudden. 

What was he doing? Talking about feelings with a stranger? A stranger he was sure he was about to marry just 5 minutes ago? He felt dizzy and his head hurt. 

“No,” she agreed. “Love is not only this, no. But it can be like this sometimes." Doyoung poured some more wine into the empty glasses. “Why is she not doing it then? Why does it always have to be me?” Doyoung asked with the littlest voice. “Why did she let me go so easily?” The Wife sighed. “I don’t know her nor do I know you. But it sounds to me like she perhaps loves you too much-”

Doyoung interrupted her with a chuckle, shaking his head. 

“-because!” the girl raised her voice for fear of being interrupted, “-she did not let her egoistical feelings get in the way. If you told her that you were about to get married, she obviously thought about you first, instead of herself and her needs. What would have you done in her place?” she asked. 

“Fight,” Doyoung whispered. “But did you?” she asked again. 

Doyoung gulped. 

“Did you fight for her love? Your parents told you that you had to get married and what did you do? Accepted it? You went to her and were like 'listen this is the situation, can you promise me you’ll love me forever so that I know it’s worth fighting for you?' Is this what you did?” the Wife was almost angry and in another situation, Doyoung would have found it entertaining. 

He didn’t reply. The Wife took it for tacit approval and went on. 

“We’re taught to not be selfish in love, that if you love them then just let them go, and all of this bullshit, but!-” she slammed her hand on the table suddenly making Doyoung jolt, “-it doesn’t mean that’s how she is really feeling. I’d say she loves you." she pointed her finger towards him as a politician would after their speech. 

“No, don’t feed my hopes, please. You don’t know anything,” he shook his head. “Doyoung, this makes no fucking sense. Get out of your head. I want you to call her, now. Just talk. Communication." “What?” “Call her. Do it. I want you to explain the new situation to her. Tell her that you aren’t getting married and that you love her and you’re ready to fight for your love. Show yourself."

Doyoung shook his head again. “Stop it.”

“Do it."

“Who do you think you are?” Doyoung was starting to get a little angry. 

The Wife didn't budge and just smiled. 

“Fate."

“We’re done. There’s nothing else to do now." Doyoung got up suddenly and retrieved his wallet. A waiter came from the shadows to accept his card. The Wife sighed and just looked at him as if disappointed. “Alright, but when Fate is going to kick you in the butt again when you least expect it, please think of me and my words." “I don’t believe in fate,” he replied putting on his jacket. 

But Doyoung thought of those words all night while moving his phone from one hand to another, walking home slowly. It was cold as hell and he enjoyed the pain of it. He wasn’t alone. He could almost see the black car that was following him from a certain distance. “Yes, sir,” was the bodyguard’s answer when he told him to fuck off after he insisted on taking him home as programmed. 

And he thought of those words again, months later, the instant he heard your voice in that party hall. He swore he was hallucinating. He felt his limbs paralyzing and shaking at the same time. But he was trained. He knew how to work in these high tension situations. It was a little click and he couldn’t feel anything, adrenaline killed and buried in the deepest parts of his brain, like hungry wolves ready to tear him to pieces when he wouldn’t have had the force to keep them locked anymore. And so he moved like a machine, like something as far from human as possible. Later. We’ll deal with this later. I can’t. I can’t do it now. I can’t let myself fall. Stay. Focus. Later he could feel it indeed. It came eventually. He felt it right there while worried about your cut. He felt it as he held your hand and dragged you away. Pain washed him all over as if for the first time and love. Oh, love, it was so much love, he felt like drowning, he felt like a withering garden begging for rain and it came suddenly, so quickly, that he couldn’t possibly absorb it all at once. 

When he opened the bathroom cabinets he saw the first aid kit in a second, but he felt so overwhelmed and all over the place that he couldn’t bring himself to face you properly. He pretended to look for it for a while and his body felt your burning gaze all over his skin. Why were you looking at him like that? Stop it, no, please continue, no, stop, it’s too much, please, please, never stop looking at me. 

When he turned around he couldn’t bring himself to touch you again either without dragging you against his chest, never letting go. Was this fate? Was this the fate The Wife was talking about? Is this real? Is everything real at all?

As Doyoung’s parents were scolding him about apparently fucking like a rabbit the whole night, he put down his coffee and intertwined his fingers together, resting his face on them, closing his eyes and breathing in. 

“We’re not getting married,” he suddenly spoke up. The cutlery stopped moving and his parents’ faces fell off. 

“What?” Mother asked with a tiny voice. “What are you talking about?” Father furrowed his eyebrows, no amusement left in his eyes. Doyoung looked at them.

“I-am-” Doyoung articulated every word well and slowly as if talking with a stupid person, “-not-getting-fucking-married."

Father’s breath grew in pace, eyes out of his orbits. 

“Doyoung,” his mother’s voice was a little surprised whine. 

He looked at her with the corner of his eyes and his expression was probably one of his worst ones so far since she jolted imperceptibly as if seeing her son for the first time. 

“What’s with this attitude? Who do you think you are?” Father’s voice was getting deeper and his cheeks and neck reddening. 

Doyoung looked back at him with a killing glare. 

“Doyoung, sweetheart, you don’t have to get married tomorrow. Get to know each other first. You’ll definitely like each other as time goes by-” Mother tried to calm everyone down. 

“Like you and dad?” Doyoung let his tongue be as poisonous as it wanted. “Getting married to someone for convenience to just fight like fucking dogs every day in front of a child, huh?” he asked. 

Mother gasped and covered her mouth with the impeccable napkin. 

“Kim Dongyoung!” Father hit the table with his fist making all the tableware tremble. 

Doyoung didn’t flinch. 

“Do you want my son to assist at how I fuck different women every night? Pretending that he doesn’t understand what’s going on?”

Mother started to sob. 

“And you,” Doyoung spoke to her, ignoring her tears, “do you want my son to listen to his mother bad mouthing me from the most tender age? Telling him what a terrible father I am, that he shouldn’t love him, letting him know how unhappy she is while the only thing he should be preoccupied about is the multiplication table and which toy he should be playing that day with?” Doyoung directed his gaze towards his mom raising his voice on the last words. 

“Do you want me to bring my son to work to prove to my wife that I am in fact not fucking the secretary while letting her suck my cock under the desk?” he continued this time directing his speech towards Father. 

The man was fully red at this point and when he got up from his chair Doyoung thought that he was about to punch him or just drag him on the ground. 

But he didn’t. He was shaking as if no one had confronted him like that before. 

His voice was dangerous and slow, like a poisonous snake. 

“You’re going to get what you deserve, Dongyoung,” he spoke and Doyoung knew what that was. 

Because in his father’s eyes, Doyoung was the faulty one.  For speaking up. For telling the truth. For letting both of them, grown-up adults that were still running away from themselves like children, face their own feelings and shortcomings. Forcing him to be perfect and to do stuff that they wanted. Forcing him to accept every shitty thing they did but making him feel guilty for his actions. 

“I will. And you as well, Father,” he replied getting up and throwing his napkin on top of his plate. His mother’s sobs were the only sound he could hear as he exited the room.

Doyoung apologized for having spilled his drink on you. And you looked up as if that was the last of your problems. Your fingers were trembling as you disinfected your cut and Doyoung knew it wasn’t because of the pain. 

Right? 

No, don’t do it. Don’t go there again Doyoung. For once, for a single time, stop jumping ahead. Just ask. Stop living in your head. Don’t assume. She’s not in love. She’s not here because of you. This is not fate. 

So he did ask. He asked why were you there and the transient relief he felt when he was as close as to believe he was the reason for all of that, that maybe, just maybe, you tried to be selfish again, washed away. Because he could see how sincere you were while assuring him that you had no idea it was the place he was working at. There was no plan. 

So this is fate? This is how it works? It gives you the possibility but you still have to work for it? You still have to endure the pain of trying and trying and failing over and over again? If fate could make you both meet again, why didn't it do everything? Why did fate bring you in front of his eyes again just to listen to your sweet voice say that you were over him? Like a slap. Like giving a thirsty man a cup of water and taking it away right before the moment a single drop of refreshing sweetness could have eased his burning tongue.

It’s not so simple to draw the line. This was the only lesson Doyoung fully understood. There’s no one way someone can be. It’s not black and it’s not white. Everything is blurry. Everything is gray.

_____

“Y/N." It took only that single word to make Doyoung snap his head up and look at Haechan. “She was looking for you,” he added while standing in front of Doyoung’s desk, one hand comfortably inside his pants pocket, the other holding a coffee. 

“Is that for me?” Doyoung asked eyeing the cup. 

Haechan snorted incredulously. 

“I’m telling you that the ex you’re still in love with was looking for you and you talk about a goddamn coffee?” 

Doyoung straightened his back. 

“She told you that she’s my ex?” he asked surprised. “So you don’t deny that you’re in love with her,” Haechan considered while sipping on the coffee. 

Doyoung’s eyes got darker as they usually did when talking to Haechan but the younger one could see the redness on his cheeks and the way his adam apple traveled up and down, anxious and embarrassed. 

Oh Doyoung, Haechan thought, you’re so fragile. 

“How is that your business?” Doyoung didn’t budge, even though he was aware that Haechan was your new interest. 

Was Haechan jealous? Was that a new way Haechan tried to make him angry with? Since Doyoung arrived at the company Haechan has never let him alone. He was nagging and whining and messing up with Doyoung, making him angry and irritated, laughing when Doyoung snapped. 

Haechan shrugged. “I’m a Gemini. Everything is my business."

Doyoung sighed and flipped the papers he had underneath his hands as if telling the other that the conversation was over. 

But he still felt the other’s gaze on top of his head for long seconds. “So you’re going to be a pussy about it.” Haechan didn’t move and talked with a low voice Doyoung has never heard before. “You’re going to hold yourself back and prepare some escaping routes, just like always."

Doyoung stilled and looked up.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” he asked almost in a whisper, too surprised by Haechan’s serious tone to actually get angry at the insult. 

“I see you, Doyoung. I really see you. And I see how your father treats you,” Haechan sipped on his coffee again while staring out of the office windows as if talking about anything besides that. “Y/N was surprised when I told her that you weren’t some CEO or something. I didn’t tell her that you were punished.” Haechan filled the silence again as Doyoung was just staring. “I wasn’t punished,” Doyoung gave him a death glare. 

Haechan shrugged. 

“Do something for yourself for once, would you?” he added and Doyoung could have sworn that underneath the nonchalant mask Haechan had on, rested a troubled and sensitive soul. 

“Are you two not dating?” Doyoung finally spoke when finding his voice. 

Haechan came back to his normal self with a nasal laugh. 

“You are so fucking stupid, oh my God,” he groaned. “No, darling, we’re not. That poor girl was too proud to admit that she’s in love with you while you probably just got back from your 'forced newlywed trip'”. 

Doyoung furrowed his eyebrows and that was enough for Haechan to widen his eyes. 

“So it’s not true,” he whispered. 

Doyoung didn’t comment on that and Haechan didn’t add anything. 

He looked out of the window again, lower lip slightly trembling so he bit on it. Then he smiled bitterly. “Fuck. Then you have to tell her that. Talk to Y/N,” he whispered again and just left leaving Doyoung confused as never before.

_____

You didn’t see Doyoung that morning and you didn’t see him during lunch either. Then at almost 5 o’clock your phone rang again. You rolled your eyes wondering what Haechan wanted to say to you. “Y/N from Marketing speaking." Your voice was flat but a little amused, ready to listen to whatever nonsense Haechan will talk about. 

But when you heard the voice you gasped silently. 

“Hello, Y/N. Doyoung from IT here."  

His voice was warm and deep. Your breath grew heavier. 

You couldn’t speak so you closed your eyes. Doyoung didn’t add anything either and you both ended up just listening to each others’ breaths for a while. 

“Doyoung,” you said after what felt like ages and a few seconds at the same time, your nerves thin as never. 

What were you both doing? What was this? 

“Y/N,” he said in the same tone but then cleared his throat. “I-” he stopped. “I actually called with a purpose,” he added. 

You imagined him, sitting behind his desk, cheeks flushed, fingers restless. 

Or so you hoped. 

Maybe he was just nervous. Maybe he hated to see you again. Maybe he was over you and now his pain just got back and it was all your fault. 

“Yes?” you asked, raising your voice to seem nonchalant. “Yes. There’s this project that Haechan and I are working on,” he started, “-and we’ve been told to work with someone from marketing for the selling issues. And they suggested you since you’re new and you still have to prove yourself” he finished explaining. 

You nodded. “Yes. Okay. Alright,” you almost stuttered. 

“Come to my office. The map is on the server,” he ordered softly and hang up. 

Just like that. 

You remained still for a few seconds, with the beep-beep of the line ringing in your ears. Then you swallowed with a certain difficulty feeling your throat dry.

When you arrived in front of his door, thin nerves and muscles shaking, you just closed your eyes and forced yourself to calm down. You were about to see Doyoung. You were about to see him and talk to him. It wasn’t a dream and it wasn’t a fantasy. He was there, behind this thin closed door. 

God. 

You knocked. 

His melodious voice told you to come in. And you did. He was sitting behind his desk, blinds slightly closed making the office semi-dark. “I didn’t know IT people had their own offices,” you smiled awkwardly while stepping in and closing the door behind you. “Well, we don’t need human interaction to do our jobs,” he replied in the same tone. 

He got up and indicated you to sit down on the couch in front of his desk. He brought his laptop with him and placed it on the coffee table in front of it. You sat down, hands neatly placed on your thighs and you hoped he didn’t hear the way your breath hitched as he sat down as well, his thigh touching yours slightly. 

His cologne was the same, you noticed, and your fingers vibrated, trying hard to stop themselves from touching him. You looked at his shoulders and imagined tracing them with your hand. Then wrapping them as you got closer. Then sliding them up to his nape, slowly, into his hair, closer and closer and closer and feeling his breath and kissing his lips and sitting on his lap and as you did so, his arms would hug you, pulling you close while he whispered your name. 

Y/N. Y/N. Y/N. 

“Y/N." You jolted. He was turned to you, hands on the laptop screen, a PowerPoint on it. You looked at the computer then at his face. He understood that you haven’t been listening to him and sighed.  

You breathed in and out. 

“Doyoung,” you said and you saw him visibly shiver hearing your voice call his name. 

“I think that we should t-” but you couldn’t finish the sentence as the door got opened with a loud thud. 

Haechan was almost breathless when he barged in. 

You and Doyoung looked behind your backs, both surprised to see Haechan with flushed cheeks and red eyes. “Haechan,” you said. “Is everything alright?” Doyoung asked as well. Haechan caught his breath by now, staring at you both then his lips tightened in a straight line. “Yeah. Yes. Sorry, I’m late. Let’s go to the conference room. It’s more spacious there,” he spoke up and turning around he just left. You and Doyoung looked at each other surprised. 

You bit your lower lip, unable to carry on the conversation anymore. 

“You were saying? I think we should?” Doyoung didn’t budge. 

His eyes were dark and his lips slightly parted. You stared at them, perhaps far too long because you suddenly felt your cheeks hot and your breath hitch. 

You were leaning in, imperceptibly and Doyoung saw. 

He didn’t get away and he didn’t refuse you. Looking at his eyes for a split second you could see that he was nervous. 

Then the magic disappeared again as Haechan’s voice made you both jolt again.  “What are you doing? Are you coming or not?” he yelled.

_____

You were sitting down, each with their own computer, clicking and typing. Doyoung briefly filled you in, explaining again what you needed to do. You just nodded and got to work. 

“When is this due?” you asked after probably twenty minutes of full silence. You knew Doyoung would be silent but Haechan? It was surprising to see him so concentrated on his work, not looking up even once, no jokes, and no smirks. He was also in a bad mood, you thought, his red swollen eyes still fresh in your memory. 

“Tomorrow morning. We’ll have a meeting and we’ll present the project. Hopefully, it goes well and we can go on with it,” Doyoung replied softly, almost in a whisper. You nodded. It was doable. You got back to work a didn’t speak for some time. 

God, you were about to kiss him. 

What were you thinking? What the fuck were you thinking? And him? Not pulling away? Staying still and looking at your lips the way you looked at his? You could do it, right? Maybe it was possible. You could talk to him and everything would be alright. Just like you’ve always dreamed. 

Right? Right?

After an indefinite amount of time, you looked up and glanced at the time. 

“Fuck,” you swore. 

It was already night and you did almost nothing. 

Haechan raised his eyes as well for the first time and turned around to see the dark windows. “We can take a break,” Doyoung murmured closing his laptop. 

Haechan relaxed on his back. “Who appointed you as a leader?” he asked amused. You smiled a little, happy to see him that way again. 

Doyoung crossed his arms on his chest. “You can be a leader then.” “Okay, then I decide that we can take a break,” Haechan giggled and you chuckled as well. 

Doyoung opened his mouth to say something but his voice got suddenly swallowed by a loud, weird noise. 

You all looked up and in seconds water poured out of the ceiling. 

You screamed and got up suddenly. 

“What’s going on?” you asked no one in particular putting your hands on your head instinctively.  “The sprinkles!” Haechan yelled. “But there’s no fire? Is it?” you asked looking around the room, shocked. 

"Haechan Lee!" Doyoung groaned, eyelashes fluttering in an attempt to see through the drops. "It's not my fault! I didn't do anything this time!" Haechan screamed back, one hand shielding his head. "Go and stop this mess!" the older ordered. 

Haechan had the time to roll his eyes before running to the wall on the opposite side of the conference room. 

You whined, leaving them to their bickering and tried hard to cover the computers ignoring that they were already wet in a desperate attempt to salvage them. 

Doyoung looked at you and promptly came closer, grabbing stuff and throwing it under the desk before realizing that it was too late. 

He groaned again. 

You fell to your knees defeated, fists holding handfuls of melted paper. 

"It doesn't work," Haechan yelled. Doyoung looked at him with such anger that you sensed it radiating through him even if unable to look at him in the face. "For fuck's sake, Haechan, you're useless!" Doyoung walked over and pressed the buttons on the switchboard then looking up at the ceiling as if expecting it to stop soon. 

"What the actual fuck," he swore loudly since it wasn't working indeed. 

Haechan whined beside him. "This was my best suit". 

Doyoung ignored him and walked towards you again, looking around for his phone. "Aren't there other people in this god-forsaken company?" "Shouldn't it stop by now?" you asked, your voice almost inaudible. "I don't know. Something's broken," he spoke more softly to you.

You patted your jacket and retrieved your phone from the inside pocket. It was slightly damp but it worked. "Here," you handed it to Doyoung as he was about to lose his mind from not finding his. He took it and putting one hand on his hip he called someone. 

In the meantime, Haechan crossed the room again and looked at the desk near you and the papers on the floor. "Shit," he commented. “At least I saved on the server,” he added. 

You looked at his wet strands of hair as he passed a hand on his forehead throwing them back. “Me too,” you said to Haechan, then you both turned to Doyoung. 

"They're coming. Let's leave the roo-" he ordered but his voice died in his throat when he heard what you were talking about. He looked down at the computers, pale as a sheet. “Doyoung?” Haechan’s voice was low and dangerous. “You also saved on the server, right?”

He didn’t and while you’ve followed angry Doyoung fighting with an angry Haechan through the corridos directed to the janitor’s room your head was hurting so badly that you thought it would burst. 

“Listen,” Doyoung stopped suddenly making you almost bump into him, “I am a fucking mess, okay?” his index was pointed towards Haechan. “I am a mess and I have so fucking much on my mind, I can’t concentrate, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, and I know this is not an excuse for not doing your job well but guess what, I am not perfect, okay? I am not fucking perfect. I make mistakes and I don’t give a shit, alright? I don’t give a single fuck about anything. And now shut up and go home if you want. You’ve done your part,” he spitted out then busted the janitor’s room open and entered it. 

Haechan was still in the corridor a few steps ahead of you. 

You were both still, shocked by Doyoung’s rage. 

But then Haechan started to chuckle softly and looked at you. 

“He did it, finally,” he said, without giving you any explanation and got into the room as well.

_____

"You've already seen it, Doyoung," you whispered slightly embarrassed. 

Doyoung was in front of you, one hand placed on the other hand’s wrist trying to undone his sleeves, as he watched you getting undressed. 

He looked at the way your bra cupped your soft breasts then promptly turned around. 

“You could have gone to another room,” his voice was steady but his reddish ears gave him away. 

You were told that the janitors had clean uniforms in the storage room and now you were in the middle of getting your soaked clothes off, with no time to go home and get changed since the dear Doyoung didn’t save any of your work. 

“And also, I've never seen anything," he said. "Well, I’m not saying naked but you definitely saw me in a bra before,” you replied. 

Doyoung’s back tightened and he turned around, looking at you from under his wet hair. "I'm afraid you're mistaking me for Johnny," he raised his eyebrows before turning away again. 

You opened your mouth to speak but you were too surprised to say anything. Doyoung's eyes were - you might dare say - jealous and furious. 

Was this what Haechan was talking about before? That he’s done it? Was he talking about Doyoung just owning his true feelings and wearing him of his sleeve? Did he finally snap? 

"Okay, so who is this Johnny guy?" Haechan stepped closer with a sly smile. You looked at him but he wasn't looking at you. No, he was looking at you but not at your face. 

Doyoung raised his gaze for a second and slapped his shoulder. "Look away."

Haechan exaggerated a cry. “I was just curious. I don’t care about Y/N."

“How can you not care about her?” Doyoung mumbled and you swore that your face turned violet. 

Haechan put his tongue in his cheeks annoyed. "Doyoung, you're so fucking stupid. So many months working together and you still didn't get it?" 

"Doyoung," you called him softly. "He's not interested in boobs," you explained with a smile, still shy from Doyoung's previous words. 

Haechan gulped, suddenly blushing even harder. 

Doyoung turned his head around and furrowed his eyebrows at you. 

Then his eyes got wide and when he looked back at Haechan he noticed his red cheeks and the way he tried to not look at Doyoung's naked upper body. 

Doyoung covered his nipples. 

Haechan groaned and hit him. 

“I’m not interested in you either, dumbass,” he added but still turned around to not look at either of you.

_____

It was hours later and you kept glancing at the neon green number on the clock in front of you. You got back to Doyoung’s office to, well, continue or start again everything you’ve done before. 

“If you’re tired, you can go home, it’s fine,” Doyoung’s soft voice grabbed your attention. 

You sighed and closed your computer. 

“Do you want to talk?” you asked with a low voice. 

It was almost a whisper but in the thick silence of the room, disrupted only by the buzz of the computers and your breaths, it sounded almost too loud. You glanced at Haechan, fast asleep with the head on his arms then you glanced at Doyoung again and at his slightly surprised expression. 

That was blunt and all of a sudden. But it was so late and you were exhausted physically and mentally and you couldn’t take it anymore. 

You both knew that you weren’t asking to chat about the weather but he still wanted to make sure. 

“Talk about what?” 

Yeah. Talk about what? Us? Is there an us? There was only you and him and the feelings in between. Talk about feelings? Does he have feelings as well though? Talk about me and my feelings? Fuck. 

You looked down at your hands still on the keyboard and at the way your fingers started to shake. You clasped them together. 

“I still have feelings for you,” you breathed out suddenly, then you looked up for a split second to see Doyoung’s expression. 

His eyes were wide and round, his glossy pupils shaking imperceptibly. He didn’t expect you to say it like that. 

“I know,” he whispered. 

Your breath hitched at his words and you tried to swallow the lump forming in your throat. 

He knows. He knows? He knows. 

Of course, he knows. He probably noticed. You were no actress and you couldn’t fake your emotions. Also, you tried to kiss him just a few hours before that.

He knows. 

Okay. 

That’s it? And now?

You shook your head. “No,” you said. “I don’t think you do”.

Doyoung blinked, a single expression line between his eyebrows. “I don’t just have feelings for you, Doyoung. I am in love with you,” you confessed and this time you tried to sustain his gaze. 

Doyoung’s adam apple went up and down and his lips opened as if he couldn’t breathe. 

“I am foolishly in love with you. I am foolishly in love with everything you are and with everything you do,” your voice trembled. “ “When I think and when I don’t think, you’re still in my mind, roaming around the whole day. And during the night I can’t get any relief from this mind of mine because you’ll visit me again and for a while," you breathed in sharply, talking fast, "-just for a while, the gap inside of me would get filled only for me to wake up and realize that it was just a dream. I have so many feelings and all of them are consumed by you and I have so many things but they all mean nothing to me, without you. And I could blame everything and everyone for this but it’s all on me. It’s all on me, Doyoung. I knew everything and I still acted that way and when I heard you before when you said that you couldn’t concentrate or sleep or-” and you choked, tears spilling on your face. 

Your hands found them and you hid your head in your palms only to jolt and look up at your side after a moment.

Doyoung got up in a second and grabbed your hand. 

He was standing there with his fingers around your wrist, flushed and short-breathed. 

Then he pulled you towards him making you stand up and you let him do that, landing in his arms, wrapping yours around his torso, muffling your cry with his shirt, closing your eyes, drifting away, head empty and heart full. 

Doyoung was holding you tight, one hand on your back and the other one on your nape, stroking your hair and shushing you softly. “I hate to see you cry and I hate that I’m the reason for that. I’m sorry, Y/N,” he whispered against your temple. You shook your head with an exasperated whine and looked up at him. “You didn’t do anything, Doyoung,” you objected. 

He looked at your face as well. He didn’t expect that. He didn’t expect any of that. His mind was racing and his heard was about to give up. 

“That’s the point,” he explained. “I didn’t do anything. I could have tried more. I walked on eggshells around you the whole time and at the first problem I would just let you go, finding an excuse, being afraid-” “No,” you interrupted him, shaking your head again, “I don’t want to hear you blame yourself." “I don’t want to hear you blame yourself either,” he replied. 

You opened your mouth but didn’t say anything, knowing how stubborn Doyoung could get. 

Okay. Okay. It's fine. 

“Okay, now I-” you looked at your hands, pressed on his chest feeling his heart pumping blood like crazy. 

Your first instinct was to just pull yourself away, telling him that you’ve said everything you had to say. And wait. Wait for him to take the second step, to understand your thoughts without you explaining anything, just like he has always done before. But Johnny’s voice thundered in your head telling you to talk and explain yourself and to use your words, so you raised your head to look at Doyoung again. 

He didn’t look away from you, not for one second, and when you locked eyes he brought one hand up to cup your face and with his thumb he caressed your cheek, removing the last tear. 

“What about you, Doyoung? Do you love me?” your voice trembled. 

Doyoung sighed as if relieved. 

He pulled you close and cupped your face with the other hand as well. 

He leaned in until breathing on your open lips.

“I love you,” he said in the tiniest of whispers. 

“I love you,” he repeated. You whimpered. 

“I love you, Y/N. I love you,” his soft chant continued. 

He said that again and again, kissing you with little pecks, then again after the kiss got slower and as your lips didn’t want to leave each other anymore. 

“Look, I’m glad you idiots finally aren’t idiots anymore,” Haechan’s voice startled you for the third time that day, “but would you get a room? If not I’m going home."

_____

You ended up all going home that night - or very early morning. The project could have granted you all a promotion but you decided that you all didn’t give a single fuck. Everything looked so unimportant now that Doyoung was holding your hand and your muscles relaxed in his arms. 

You felt asleep there, in the crook of his neck, deeply, after months of insomnia. 

You remembered little snaps as he carried to his car. He would shush you when your fingers gripped his shirt harder. 

“Doyoung, it’s fine, I can walk. Put me down,” you whispered going in and out of sleep. “Sleep, I’ll take care of you,” and the kiss he planted on your forehead felt like a spell as you lost consciousness soon after. 

You didn’t wake up a single time during the drive and it was only when you reached your front door that Doyoung woke you up by gently shaking your shoulders. “Sorry,” he said. “Last time I had luck but this time I can’t find your keys,” he added when you fully opened your eyes with a yawn. “My bag now has more stuff in it than when I was at university,” you smiled. Your voice was hoarse from the nap and from the cry you had. 

Then you entered your apartment, walking slowly in silence, and you both undressed, throwing the coarse uniforms away. 

You did it lazily and with no malice, looking at each other bodies, this time without blushing. 

Then you sat down on your bed, completely naked and you looked at Doyoung, naked as well, standing in front of you as he removed the last piece of fabric from his body. 

“Wait,” he suddenly said, and turning around he left the room. You looked at his back as he was walking away and sighed. 

You couldn’t believe it. 

It was so surreal. 

You sighed again deeper, feeling it difficult to breathe. 

You were exhausted and drained, body aching and head-spinning so when Doyoung came back with a glass of water all you could think of was the morning after your terrible meeting with Doyoung. 

That time he was also standing in front of you, with one glass of water in his hand, face lit by the new rays of the sun. He had fewer clothes on now, of course, but for some reason, you started to feel as if no time has passed at all between the two events. There was no misunderstanding, no pain, no fights. 

You smiled and took the water from him. He smiled back and sat down on the bed beside you. His eyes were telling that he knew what you were thinking, like soulmates reading each other’s minds and that he was thinking about it as well. 

“Another thing,” he said and his voice was as tired as yours. “Someone, let's say Fate, told me to tell you that I am not married and that I am ready to fight for our love,” he added looking at you with a little nervous smile. 

Your eyes widened. 

“But-” you felt overwhelmed. “But the ring,” you mumbled looking down at his hands as your brain was trying to run at a speed too high for your tired cells. Doyoung looked at his hands as well before raising them up and showing that they were bare. “It was just a random ring. You assumed things,” he replied. 

You looked back at his face, confused and dizzy. 

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Why-” you gulped, “why didn’t you call?”

Doyoung sighed. 

“I also assumed things. I thought you didn’t love me,” he tightened his lips. “I am sorry,” he whispered wrapping your shoulders with his arms and pulling you towards him. He nudged at your temple while you processed the information, repeating the apology, planting little kisses on your temple. 

“Does this change something?” he asked after a whole minute of silence. His voice sounded afraid and you looked up at him. 

“No, love, no, shh, don’t get me wrong,” you assured him with a pained expression, cupping his face. 

He let you do that, slightly surprised and definitely flushed by the sudden pet-name. “This is even better, isn’t it? I mean, you’re not married,” you chuckled a little. 

Doyoung cupped your face as well, his thumbs pressing at the corners of your eyes. 

“Then why are you crying?” he whispered so softly that it made you sob even harder. 

Your lower lip trembled looking at his eyes, at his expression, at his face, drinking him in. 

“I’m just happy. And I love you. I love you so much and all of this is just-” you smiled through the tears unable to go on. 

You were too exhausted and emotional to be rational in that moment. You had do idea what to do and you just wanted to be. 

Doyoung’s pupils shook as he bit his lip, trying not to cry as well. 

“God, how much water do I need to make you drink to make up for all of these tears?” he chuckled lightly as a few tears fell on his cheeks as well. 

You were both there, naked, crying, and laughing at the same time and you’ve never felt happier in your whole life. 

“What happened though? How did you end up not getting married? What did your parents-” you started to ask wiping your face. Doyoung closed his eyes and shook his head, letting himself fall down on the bed and dragging you with him. “Later,” he mumbled getting you both under the covers when you landed on his chest. 

You smiled and closed your eyes as well. 

And you both slept a lot, hugging each other tight, bare limbs intertwined together, skin pressing on skin, lips murmuring loving whispers. It was the highest level of intimacy, naked in front of each other, and clothes had nothing to do with it. 

Your souls were open and your emotions out, telling each other everything, with no fear and with no more pride.

[ichor-and-symbiosis]

pocky game with the LoV

Tomura

Tomura always takes the end with the chocolate, no exceptions. You better not even try to convince him otherwise or else he’s not playing. His eyes are going to be trained on your lips the entire time, because they look so plump and cute wrapped around the pocky stick. And with your cheeks covered in a light blush as your brows furrow in concentration ... he’s moments away from ravishing you. As soon as the game starts, he deepthroats that biscuit in one bite and smothers your lips in a searing kiss as his arms come around to hug you close to him. You should know by now that playing innocent games with him will only make him want to corrupt it. (he ends up choking on the huge bite he took)

Spinner

A ball of anxiety and awkwardness. He’s really excited to play with you, but his thoughts are racing a mile a minute with worries. Maybe he’s going to fuck this up somehow, maybe he’ll go too fast and hit you with his snout, maybe he’ll eat too much of the pocky stick and you’ll get mad. He’s frozen in place with that biscuit stuck firmly between clenched teeth. His eyes are shut tight and you can only look at this sight in amusement. You can tell he’s struggling. Once the game starts, you let Spinner worry over his thoughts. In the meantime, you sneakily munch on the biscuit and end up pressing your lips softly to his mouth. His eyes fly open and his scales are flushed scarlet. He’s melting inside when you pepper his snout with a few more kisses before pulling away. He’ll recover fairly quickly and insist on another round, because he “doesn’t want to lose and demands a rematch”. We all know you just want to make out, Spinner.

Dabi

This man likes to act so nonchalant and borderline bored when you offer to play games like this, but he has his ulterior motives. He’s going to tease you before you even start, insisting that if you wanted to kiss him, you could do it in a more direct way. Don’t even try to win the debate by pouting, it’ll just make him pinch your cheek. He’ll stop at nothing to make you feel on edge, wrapping his arm loosely around your waist to pull your hips flush against his. You’ll offer the pocky stick to him in your mouth with a defiant look, and he can only smirk as he humors you by lightly taking the other end. You are fired up and ready to win, and that’s exactly what he wanted. You will munch on the biscuit with rapid speed as you try to win, and Dabi is watching you with open eyes as he pulls further away from your questing mouth. Soon you’ll realize that you’ve eaten the whole pocky stick, your lips pouting in midair as your eyes fly open. Dabi chuckles at your sour expression and kisses your forehead. He always knows how to bend the rules and turn the situation in his favor.

Twice

He is so ready for this, his spirit is just as competitive as yours. It’s not even about the kisses for you two - lord knows your mouths are latched onto each other every other minute of the day - you just want to see who is genuinely better at eating faster. You are a pair of nerds in love. He’ll try to cheat by tickling your sides while you’re mid-bite. You’d go through a whole box with chaste kisses and tally up the score. Loser has to do the dishes for the whole week. Winner gets whatever they want. You win and demand aaaall the kisses. Jin smothers you with a gratuitous victory makeout session. 

Mr. Compress

He simply won’t stop doing tricks with the damn pocky stick and it’s unbearable and funny at the same time. How the hell did he manage to make it disappear while it was supposed to be in your mouth? You peer at him and he’s got it between his teeth, and he winks at you with a cocky smile. He’s rather impatient though, these games get a little old for him when all he wants is to get at you. One pocky stick is enough. He’ll play your silly game and meet you in the middle, tangling his fingers in your hair as he cradles your head and keeps your lips pressed together. It’s surprisingly intimate and wanton, not at all what you expected considering his showy theatrics in the beginning. He will coax your mouth open to lick away the rest of the sweet taste from your mouth, and you’ll forget all about your game from this point on.

Magne

Magne loves this game so much! She thinks it’s so cute, just like you are. She’ll even be the one to suggest the game herself sometimes, and she really enjoys going out to buy different flavors to surprise you with each time. Pocky sticks have become one of her favorite snacks, especially now that they are associated with your sweet kisses. Magne’s style of playing depends on her mood - sometimes she gets competitive and sneaky, sometimes she lets you win just to get those smooches, and sometimes she wants to kiss you all over. 

Kurogiri

Where is this man’s mouth? That’s the real pocky game challenge. Find his mouth. He’ll offer to use a portal or something but it’s just not any fun like that. Kurogiri how are you getting your vitamins. What is your secret. 

[zevlors-tail]

Stained Glass

Pairing: Villain Deku/Izuku X Hero!Reader

Description: Deku wants the reader to join the LOV, however, he has to convince them to do so first. But honestly, it might not be that hard after the Hell they’ve been through, lately. A year can change a lot in a person.

Warnings: Kidnapping, gaslighting, manipulation, emotionally vulnerable reader, emotional abuse, mentions of stalking, pretty sure this is basically yandere but without the violence? and of course, Villain!Deku, but softish. No physical violence or abuse, just a hell of a lot of brainwashing and manipulation, tiny mention of blood at the end.

A/N: I’m a sucker for Villain Izuku, and I wanted to try a few different emotional tropes out. This is half a vent fic via reader, and I needed a place to put all of my feelings. Sorry not sorry lol. I really feel like this is utter garbage. I got really tired towards the end and I might go back and edit and extend the ending later. I don’t really know if I like it, but I wrote it and it’s here, so if one single person enjoys it other than me then I guess I did my job! :)

“They broke you, didn’t they? They shattered you into tiny bits and pieces like glass, and then they had the audacity to ask why you don’t smile anymore. But, don’t worry,” Izuku cooed, “don’t you worry one bit, doll! I’ll put you back together piece by broken piece, until all the shards make a beautiful picture- just like stained glass! You’ll be my masterpiece.”

His words rang in your brain, echoing off the walls and reverberating through your ears as the weight of the situation at hand started to slowly sink in. Here you were, hands tied behind your back and legs tied to the chair underneath you, unable to move and speak despite the fact that there was no gag in your mouth. Maybe it was the shock that kept you from speaking, or maybe, after all this time, you just felt utterly exhausted and ready to give up. You had been here for god only knows how long (you weren’t sure how much time had passed; it could have been two days or two months for all you knew), and you had no idea where you were or how you’d gotten here. The last thing you could remember was patrolling around your city when a lesser known villain had attacked, and you had put up a valiant fight against them until they hit you with a blast of their quirk and knocked you out. You guessed that it might have been the work of Deku that got you here, but you weren’t entirely sure what all had happened after you blacked out.

“That’s all you want, right? For someone to notice you, to pay attention to you when you’re hurting, to hold you and put you back together when you come undone. I can be that person, doll! I can be the one to save you when you’re drowning in yourself!” He grinned a cheshire cat grin, his emerald eyes sparkling hopefully at you. “I promise you, I’d never let anything or anyone hurt you, ever. The others- they never cared, did they? They let you parade around with that terrible fake smile while you were dying on the inside. Kachann and Uraraka, they let you suffer. Todoroki, too. I watched you all; I watched as you desperately tried to reach out to them, and I watched as they blatantly ignored you. I saw the devastated look on your face when you realized no one truly cared about you. But you were wrong, because- well, I care about you! I’ve always cared about you, Y/N! Even while I was away this past year, you’re all I ever thought about. I couldn’t stop thinking about you...about you with me, and about us, together.”

You didn’t want to believe any of it. Sure, you’d been feeling really lonely lately, and yes, you had tried to reach out to the others, but...they were just busy, right? There’s no way they had intentionally ignored you. Right...? “You’re wrong,” you replied, though it was weak and did little to phase the man in front of you. Izuku still held that delusional glint in his eye, and you felt yourself slowly starting to cave, doubts swimming around in your head while an empty feeling gnawed on your heart and settled in your bones. “They’re my friends. They’ll come looking for me, and they’ll find me. ” Even as you spoke, you realized that it was a lie you were telling yourself to feel better. “They care about me.” You weren’t sure that they knew you were missing at all.

“Do they, though?” He cocked his head in question, an apprehensive look washing over his features as he placed a gloved hand under your chin.

“Of course they do!” You couldn’t deny the anxiety bubbling up in your chest. Suddenly it was hard to think straight, and you scrambled to back up your claim. “They-they’ve been there for me a lot-”

“Like when?” he immediately countered, his grip tightening on your jaw.

You had a hard time answering for a while, but there was still a sliver of hope in you as you hastily came up with something. With all the defiance you had left in you, you mustered up the courage to look him straight in the eye before replying, “They were all there when you disappeared and left me, Izuku.” 

Dead air hung between the two of you for a moment before his hand slowly slid off your face, his thumb lingering on your jaw momentarily. For a second he glared at you cooly, but as soon as you blinked that delusional smile was back, and along with it, a maniacal laugh that tapered off into sounds of frustration. “How many times do we have to go over this, doll? I told you, everything I did, I did for you! Why can’t you understand that!? I joined the League of Villains so that I could become stronger for you, so that I could properly protect you from things even heroes can’t beat. Every little thing I’ve done has always been for you, Y/N! Kachann, Uraraka, and Todoroki...they’re only trying to stand between us. They never accepted us for who we truly are; me, a villain, and you...Y/N, you’re so special. I love you, all of you. Can you say the same for them? Did they really love every broken piece of you? They were only happy when you smiled. They didn’t really want to listen to your pain, did they? They made you feel like a burden, like you were too much for them. So you kept it inside, didn’t you? You carried all that weight around on your shoulders alone. All that disappointment, all that failure, all that hopelessness...”

And he was right. 

Lately, you felt the weight of the world on your shoulders. Not good enough. Failure. Burden. These were things you told yourself on a daily basis. Your ‘friends’ knew you had been a little down and out recently, but it seemed that no one really knew the extent to which the events of this past year had affected you. With each and every passing day, it was getting harder to fake the smiles. As a hero, it was your job to bring hope to people and save them while making sure they still had their faith in the world, but you could barely believe in anything yourself, and you felt like a fraud. How could you have any faith left when the people you loved and trusted the most kept abandoning you? After your boyfriend, Izuku, had gone missing, you didn’t know what to do with yourself. You would give your best fake reassuring smile to people all day, and then at home you would fall apart. Wether it was in the bath, the bed, or on the kitchen floor (you had no dining table since you could barely afford essentials at the moment), you would find yourself having break downs and unable to cope with life. You often tried to reach out to your friends, and yet, whenever you dropped hints that something was wrong, whenever you openly tried to talk, it seemed they were too busy and lacked the time, or simply didn’t want to acknowledge you and your problems. You told yourself that this was because they too were coping from the disappearance of their best friend, and that maybe this was their way of dealing with it. But then you started noticing things, like how they would text each other without you while you were all in the same room, and how you suddenly were left out of most events they planned, or how any plans they did make with you were always canceled or had to be rescheduled to another time. Once, Uraraka even left you on read the whole day after failing to meet up for a simple mall trip. You were growing tired of it. 

On top of all of that, your home life was not good either. You constantly felt drained from all the negativity you were drowning in, and it took extra energy just to keep in touch with people outside of your small friend group, if you could even call them that anymore. You barely had the energy to do anything other than sleep and watch TV. You hadn’t heard from your parents in ages either, but that was hardly surprising considering that they had kicked you out of their house last year for “being a lazy bum”. The truth of the matter was that hero work as a sidekick did not pay well, especially if you worked for an unpopular agency such as the one you were currently at, and so your parents had decided to force you out of the house so that you could find a “real job”. Now you were working small part time jobs in your spare time just to make rent. And as if you needed the cherry on top, both of your bosses had been smothering you with extra work and responsibilities for the past few moths. Never in your entire life had you felt so overworked, exhausted, and alone.

When Izuku got no response from you, he frowned deeply and leaned back on the balls of his feet, his arms crossed over his chest and his hip cocked out to the side. His sickly praises clearly weren’t working; you must have still had strings attached from your previous way of life before him, before here and now. Well then, he would just have to cut you down and free you from all those entanglements. Soon you’d join him. He’d make you see. But first...first he had to break what was left of you.

“My poor, poor Y/N. I can only imagine what life must be like for you. You must feel so tired after working those long hours at your second job. And you want so desperately to be a rising hero, yet your boss never seems to notice your effort, does he? But he notices every time you make a mistake, counts them all at the end of the day and degrades you for it. You’ll never be enough for him. You’ll never live up to his expectations, and you’ll never be a pro hero. So why are you still pining for validation? Why are you still trying? You’ll never get it from him.”

You looked up at your captor with wide e/c eyes, tears welling up against your will. Never in your life had you thought the person you trusted the most would say those words to you. You felt a crack form in the depths of your soul as you stared at him forlornly, any trace of hope left in you evaporating by the minute. Seeing the devastated look on your face, Izuku just smirked and continued on, tearing your heart out with every syllable that left his lips.

“Look at you. Those bags under your eyes are hideous, doll. They’ve really been overworking you, haven’t they? When was the last time they gave you a break from anything? The last time you had a day off? I bet all you want right now is to curl up into a nice warm bed and sleep for days, maybe even a whole week. Do you even remember what that’s like? After all, you only have that meager sleeping bag at home. It must be so uncomfortable and stuffy.” He moved to stand behind you, his hands grasping firmly on to your shoulders as he kneaded into them. You let out an involuntary shudder at the pleasant sensation; you couldn’t remember the last time you had been touched before now. “There’s so much tension in your shoulders. How do you even work like this?” Just as you were getting used the feeling of his fingers massaging your neck, he tore away and circled back in front of you. “Aren’t you tired of eating noodles from a cup all day? It’s disgusting, really, and unhealthy for you. You’re barely scraping by on rent, and you must feel so lonely in that tiny apartment of yours with no furniture. How much longer are you going to be able to live like that?” He sighed in mock lament as he carried on. “You’re pathetic, weak, a waste of space to everyone. They don’t want you around.”

A hiccup escaped from you at the insults. “I- Please, sto-” you cried, but he cut you off mid plea.

“Oh, don’t get me wrong, Y/N. It’s not your fault that you’re weak, not at all! You never asked for them to hurt you. All of this is just so unfair, isn’t it? You’ve only ever wanted the best for your friends and family, and you were always there for them. Every time your mother called to rant about her new boyfriend of the week, you were there. Every time your father went off the deep end, you were there. Every time one of your friends was in peril, who jumped in to save them from the haphazard situations they put themselves in? You, doll! It was always you! And this-” he flung his arms into the air to emphasize his point, “this is how they repay you!? By leaving you alone in the hands of a villain? By abandoning you in your time of need? They never cared about you. They only cared about appearances, about their hero ratings and their popularity, about how many fans they could take from you so their own numbers would go up. Uraraka said it herself during our years at UA; she’s only in it for the money! They’re greedy, every last one of them! They left you alone, broke you down, abandoned you when all you needed was someone to be there. How lonely it must have been for you to sit there and sob in an empty apartment, to know no one was listening as you begged for things to end as they were. But I was there, doll; I was listening! I’ve been listening this whole time! From the very beginning, I’ve only ever wanted what’s best for you. I never really left you; I’ve always been there, watching over you from the shadows, making sure nothing terrible happened to you. So many times I wanted to whisk you away and wrap my arms around you, doll, but there was never a right time. That’s why I had to wait; it’s why it took me a whole year to finally save you from them. But I’m here now, and I promise, Y/N, I’ll never let you out of my sight again.”

You were full on sobbing now. He had broken you completely, shredded the last of your hope and faith in your friends and family.

“Oh doll, don’t cry! Don’t cry, my love! I’m here!” You watched through tear clouded eyes as he stooped to your level on one knee and gazed lovingly at you, his hand resting under your chin once again. “I know they always made you feel like you were too much for them, but the fact of the matter is that they were never enough for you. They never deserved a fraction of your time, doll. They never loved you. I’m the only one who could ever truly love you. So join my League of Villains, and rule beside me.” 

He spoke with such conviction, as if he knew with absolute certainty that he had you hook, line, and sinker. He watched the gears turn in your head, saw the desperate look in your eyes, and decided to give one final push to ensure you would come to your senses about this.

“Say you’ll join me and be mine, and I’ll make all your problems disappear.” He leaned his face in close to you, his lips barely brushing yours before they lightly dragged across your jaw to your ear. The sensation left little sparks of electricity crackling on your skin as he whispered his promises to you. “You’re barely scraping by now, but I could give you so much more. I could give you a place to stay, a roof over your head with no strings attached. I would gladly share my living space with you for free, Y/N. I’ll even pay you if you that’s what you want, and you won’t have to lift a single finger. How does that sound? You wouldn’t have to worry about rent anymore, which means no more sleepless nights on thirds at the local grocery just to make extra money, either.”

You sniffed and blinked back more tears as you considered the idea of not having to drag yourself out of bed every damn morning and evening just to survive the week, of not having to constantly worry about what your boss was going to say or do to you about the declining quality of your work (of course it was only getting worse because of how utterly exhausted you felt all the time).

“Oh doll, you look so tired and worn out... I could fix that too, if you’d let me. I’ll share my bed with you if you’re ever feeling weary. It’s comfortable and spacious enough for us both, and I promise not to disturb you while you rest. It’ll be better than that thin sleeping bag you’ve been using; trust me, your shoulders will thank you, my dear.” One of his hands ghosted down the back of your neck as if to remind you of his touch earlier.

“...Really?” you quietly asked, and he immediately pulled away from your ear to grin at your response.

“Of course, doll! And, if you’re ever feeling lonely-” He gently embraced you in his warmth, his face nestling in your hair and arms wrapped securely around your smaller frame. “I’ll wrap my arms around you, and I’ll hold you, and I’ll listen to you if that’s what you want. You don’t have to be alone anymore, Y/N. It’s okay now, because I’m here.”

You felt more tears spring to your eyes as a new feeling blossomed in your chest. You weren’t entirely sure what it was, but you didn’t really care, either. All you knew was that you no longer had to suffer through the mess of your life. Even if he was a villain, and even if you were broken, the two of you shared twisted love together, and that was enough for you. You were just happy to have him back, to feel some reprieve from the hell that was your life this past year.

“Please don’t leave me!” you begged, your voice hoarse and eyes red from crying so much. “Please stay...”

“Shhh, it’s alright, doll. I promise I will never leave your side, ever. I’ll always love you. Just say you’re mine. Tell me you’ll join me and I’ll give you everything you’ve ever wanted. I’ll take you out on dates, I’ll love you more than anyone ever could, I’ll feed you and hold you and take care of you! You’ll see! Just say you’re mine!”

“I’m yours! I’ll join you, please just don’t leave me-!” You wanted so desperately to reach your arms up around him and cling to him for dear life. You were so terrified the only person left in your life would leave, and you didn’t think you could handle it if he did. Izuku, sensing your distress, gave a guttural laugh and pulled away from you, leaving you a whimpering, shaking mess still tied to the chair.

“I knew you would say yes! Oh, doll, I promise to take such good, good care of you! I swear it on my life!” He suddenly produced a knife from somewhere in his coat, the metal already stained with blood and rusting around the edges. You felt a surge of fear rush through you as he slunk behind you with the knife raised, but to your relief, you felt him cut through the binds around your sore wrists. “Easy, doll. I’m just giving you your freedom back.” 

As soon as your hands and legs were free, you nearly fell over trying to bolt up from the chair to get to Izuku. You were about to throw yourself on him when he surprised you by picking you up bridal style, and suddenly you were being carried away from it all, away from your troubles, away from all the terrible memories of abandonment and loneliness.

“Izuku? Where are we going?”

“Home, my love. We’re going home.”

[wayward-nephilim]

Don’t be afraid to catch feelings // Kie x FEM!reader

Prompt: After a party the Pogues crash at the Château and you and Kie stay up all night talking.

Warnings: does fluff count?, also mentions of homophobic parents (not too bad tho)

A/N: there is definitely not enough Kie love going around. So imma leave y’all with this. (this is Kie x FEM!reader) I also love this so much!! I wanna do more and maybe start taking requests.

Another night and you guys had managed to throw another great party. The whole night was filled with drinking, smoking and messing with tourons. Normally you guys would split up afterwards, but you all decided to crash at John B’s because of how late it was. “Y/N, are you sleeping on the pull out couch with me?” Kie asked, pulling the bed out and putting pillows and blankets on it.

“Well, it’s either with you or with one of the boys and let’s be honest, I’m not sure the boys are able to resist this rocking body.” You joked, walking over to the pull out bed. John B was nice enough to give you a shirt and pair of basket ball shorts to sleep in. Kie was wearing a similar outfit to sleep in.

“Oh definitely not.” JJ winked at you. And walked into the spare bedroom. “Goodnight losers.” He held up peace signs and closed the door.

You all said your good nights and you finally laid down. Feeling the comfort of finally being off of your feet. You felt a nervousness in your stomach being inches away from your best friend who was lost in thought on her phone. It wasn’t easy coming to terms with your sexuality, you felt different for as long as you can remember. You never felt attracted to anyone else, none of the boys made you feel the way Kiara did and you don’t think they ever could.

You’d jokingly flirt with Kie the way the boys did. And you never thought that she caught onto it. After all you never told anyone about your sexuality, it was all a new thing. But Kie happened to be very open with hers, you knew she was pansexual. Which managed to ease some anxiety because even if she rejects you it’s not because she’s straight. But also you never thought ablut making a move, you know there’s no Pogue on Pogue macking and you took it very serious.

You turned to face Kie and stared at her as the light of her phone illuminated her face and her Juul was in between her finger. “What’s up Y/N?” She glanced up from her phone and made eye contact with you.

“I’m not gonna be able to sleep, you know how I get at other people’s houses.” You shrugged, it was true. You always had a hard time falling asleep, even in your own bed.

She sat up, so her back was against the back of the couch and you followed her movements. “Let’s play a game.” She offered, letting out a small yawn.

“What kind of game?” You eyed her suspiciously.

“I don’t know. We could play truth or dare, 21 questions, or never have I ever. Or an iMessage game.”

“Let’s play truth or dare. I’ll go first. Truth or dare.”

“Dare.” She grinned,

“Hmmm.” You thought, “I dare you to eat a bite out of one of the moldy bread pieces.”

“That’s gross.” She said, getting up. You followed her into the kitchen as she went for the bread box and grabbed the loaf. “I can’t believe she hasn’t thrown this out yet.” The loaf had at most six pieces in it, all of which were splattered with mold.

“I know.” You made a face in disgust. It didn’t smell too good either.

“You ready?” She asked, releasing a sigh and eyeing the bread cautiously.

“Are you?” You laughed, “I’m not the one eating poison bread.”

She shook her head, “If I get sick from this I’m gonna kill you.” She said and bit the end of the piece.

“Now swallow.” You urged to her, laughing at her pain.

She reluctantly let the bread fall down her throat and gagged. “I hate you.” She groaned and grabbed a water bottle. Chugging it to get the taste of moldy bread off of her tongue.

“You love me.” You smiled at her, walking back over to the couch. “Your turn.”

“Truth or dare?”

“Dare.” You both stopper at the bed, neither of you sitting down.

“I dare you to go into JJs room. Shirtless.”

You glared at her, “Fine but if he makes any moves I’ll kick his ass and possibly yours.”

You slowly walked over to JJs closed door and took in a deep breath before taking your shirt off and slowly opening the door. He didn’t seem to hear the door open, his back facing you and light illuminating from his phone. You closed the door, loud enough for him to hear and he turned over to you. Eyes wide. You felt heat creep up to your face. And saw a blush creep onto his. You didn’t move at all, not knowing what to do.

“Y/N. What are you doing?” He stared at your naked chest. You didn’t feel shy around JJ, it definitely wasn’t the first time he saw your boobs. Your freshman year of high school, you and him briefly had a thing for each other. It got as far as you guys making out and him seeing your boobs. But you’ve grown a lot since then and also discovered that you didn’t need to feel self conscious around JJ because you weren’t attracted to him.

“I- it was a dare.” You laughed awkwardly, “I’m sorry. Also nothing that you haven’t seen before.”

“Okay.. umm-“ He was trying his hardest not to stare at your chest. “Well, you’ve definitely changed since you were 14, our freshmen year of high school.

“You are absolutely right.” You laughed, “I’m gonna go now.” Pointing behind you and grabbed your bare chest to cover up and you walked out of his room. Kie was laughing.

“That wa humiliating.” You told her and grabbed your shirt from his hands. She was trying to suppress her laugh. “Shhh. You’re gonna wake the others.”

You could feel Kies eyes on your back as you put your shirt on, feeling a little self conscious. You cleared your throat and sat down on the couch, Kie going back to her side. You were both now sitting cross cross, and across from one another staring into each other’s eyes. “Truth or dare?” You asked,

“Dare.”

“I dare you to take a 30 second hit from your Juul. Slowly, of course.”

“That’s nothing.” She said, pulling her phone out to set a timer and handed it to you and then grabbed her Juul from next to her pillow.

“Ready?” She nodded and you started the timer, watching her inhale as much as she could. You could tell her lungs were filling up and she needed a breather by the look on her face. The timer rang and she let out the smoke with a large cough coming after wards.

“Shhh. You’re going to wake John B and Pope.”

She grabbed the pillow next to her and coughed into it, trying to slowly breathe in and out. You patted her back and chuckled.

Raising an eyebrow at her you asked, “You good?”

She nodded. “Perfect. Truth or dare.”

“Truth.”

“Okay,” she paused. “What happened with you and JJ freshman year?” Wow, that was a loaded question you thought.

“Oh, wow.” You laughed. “Um.. we dated for like three months, this was before the rule, obviously. We were actually the reason the rule was put in place, believe it or not.” You smiled fondly at the memory.

“Okay.” John B declared, you and JJ had just announced your break up. Which shocked both Pope and John B.

And after much interrogation from Pope and John B and neither you nor JJ telling them the details, they gave up.

“New rule.” Pope said,

“Oh and what’s that?” JJ asked in a snarky tone.

“No Pogue on Pogue macking. You guys didn’t work out that means there no hope for any of us.”

“I can get down with that.” You laughed,

“We kissed a couple of times, I let him touch my boobs. He wanted to have sex but I couldn’t feel attracted to him in that way. And he didn’t push on it.” JJ was the only one who really knew or understood you, he kind of guessed that you weren’t straight from the get go. And he never pushed you to talk about it if you weren’t uncomfortable, but the two of you had a bond that couldn’t be broken because of it.

“Wait. What do you mean you weren’t attracted to him in that way?” She asked, “He’s JJ everyone is attracted to him that way.”

You felt heat rise to your cheeks and suddenly you didn’t want to make eye contact with your friend any more as her stare pinned you down. “I, uh-“ you didn’t want to come out this way, nervousness filling your stomach. “I’m gay.” You said softly, looking down to your lap and fiddling with your fingers. That was the first time you said those words out loud and it felt like a relief to say them.

“Oh!” She gasped, a smile playing on her lips. “Well, I’m pansexual. Kinda just assumed everyone knew.” She shrugged, you knew it was easy for her and she had loving and supporting parents who would do anything to let them know they love her no matter what.

You looked up at her with a big grin. And a weight falling off of your shoulder that you were accepted. “Yeah, I kind of just avoided all of my emotions. My mom told me it was just a phase and I’d grow out of it.” You shrugged and picked at your nails to avoid making eye contact with her.

She frowned, “I’m sorry, Y/N.” And pulled you in for a hug. “I accept you and I’m sure that our friends will too. I love you.” You hugged her back, tightly.

Her embrace was warm and tight. It was nice and reassuring to have someone care about you the way your friends did. You relaxed into her and continued to hug her. “I love you, too.” Your words were slightly less platonic than hers. You knew she meant that she loved you as a sister, not as anything more than a friend. But even if you didn’t end up with Kiara you still knew yourself and had am accepting family.

Some time passed by and you didn’t release her but when she pulled away she frowned at you. “Y/N. What’s wrong?” She had a worried look on her face.

You didn’t even realize you were crying until you sniffled and wiped your nose. “I just didn’t expect you to be so accepting. Ya know? I’ve lived my whole life like this with my family harassing me for not having a boyfriend or being interested in boys and thinking something is wrong with me. It’s nice to know someone cares.” You wiped your tears and took a deeper breath in, exhaling.

She pulled you back in. “I will always love and always accept you no matter what happens. You are my best friend and my partner and crime.” Her voice was soft and you could tell she was being genuine. No one cared about their friends and family the way kiara did, and that was the main reason you were head over heels in love with her.

“Kie, I love you so much. More than you’ll ever know.” You pulled away and just stared into her big brown eyes with so much longing and so much love in your heart, it physically hurt you not being able to show her how much you love her.

At this moment the both of you felt so vulnerable. She was staring at you with the same look you gave her. And for a moment you let yourself believe that maybe she felt the same way about you that you did her. You moved closer to her and glanced down to her lips, a small smile pulling at the ends. She glanced down to yours. And then back up to your eyes. Your breath was shallow, butterflies filling up your stomach as neither of you broke the eye contact and interaction.

She leaned in and placed a gentle kiss to your lips. It was soft, and slow and you left your eyes flutter shut as you put a little more pressure into it. She grabbed your waist and pulled you in closer to her and you put your hands on the sides of her face and let your thumbs move across her cheeks as you continued to kiss her.

Kie pulled away and tested her forehead on yours. A big smile on her face, “I’ve been waiting for that for so long.” She pulled you in for another kiss and fireworks exploded in your stomach, it was passionate.

You pulled away couldn’t help but smile at the girl in front of you. “Me too.” Was all you could say before crashing your lips back onto hers and laid her down on the mattress, hovering above her. There was built up sexual tension between the two of you.

Your mind started thinking about all the moments the two of you shared, they were all leading up to this one right here. “Kie, I don’t want this to be a one time thing.”

“Me neither.” She said and you plopped down next to her, both of you laying on your back. Your arms were touching and neither of you bothered to look at each other.

“Are you ready to break our one rule?” You asked her, “are we going to give this a shot?”

You felt her head nod. “Yes. I want this to be real, Y/N. I want you.” She glanced over, as did you. You leaned in and kissed her.

“Good.” You smiled and draped your arm over her and closed your eyes.

“Goodnight, Y/N.” She kissed your forehead and turned onto her side so you were now spooning her.

[themarauderstheoutsidersandpeggy]

Will you do dating harry potter hcs? 😄😄😄

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I MADE THIS SO LONG OOPS AND HONESTLY I PROBABLY HAVE MORE TO SAY

i have been waiting my entire life for this one request and honestly I don’t remember if I’ve written this before or not because I can’t remember anything that I write after I post it?? But if i did too bad I’m doing it again

He’s just

ack

He makes me really soft so get prepared for me to rant oops

He hasn’t ever really felt love

Especially not romantic love

And I don’t mean that he’s never loved before I mean that he’s never received love

But in a way, he hasn’t ever loved before

He never knew his parents and the Dursley’s didn’t share stories of them with Harry to keep them alive

So he really honestly didn’t know anything about them

And he sure as hecc doesn’t love any of them

So he is genuinely so confused when he first catches sight of you

He gets all like

Warm and Fuzzy™

And he literally has no idea why 

He loves Ron and Hermione for sure but he does not get Warm and Fuzzy™ when looking at Ron

The boys in his dorm start teasing him about you and Ron always shoves him into you when you’re walking past each other so that you collide and usually Harry falls on top of you 

It takes a full year of this for him to finally ask Ron and co. why they keep doing that

They’re like

loser ur in lov

He denies it at first because love is what his mother and father had, he literally hasn’t spoken to you before besides the constant, ‘I’m so sorry!’s when he ‘bumps’ into you

Ron

But then the Yule Ball happens and despite his friends’ relentless nagging to ask you out

He doesn’t

He’s too scared

But then he sees you walk in with Seamus who smirks at him the entire time like I told u to make a move dummy

Harry is very angry and he doesn’t know why

He finally comes to terms with the fact that he maybe has a crush on u and just broods for the rest of the night with his date 

And Seamus is cackling in the corner 

You’re confused

It’s a weird night man

The next day you come down to the common room in your pajamas and it’s pretty early so no one’s up

You sit on the couch in front of the fire to warm yourself up

And then you feel the couch dip on the other end and you turn

And it’s Harry Potter

:’)

He’s avoiding eye contact but he’s blushing so he’s staring aggressively at the ground with red cheeks and you’re lowkey scared ngl

But then he finally looks up at you and heeeecccckkkk

His eyEs

They literally send shivers up your spine

You sit there and stare at each other for like almost a minute because he is mesmerizing let me tell you

And then you both start

Getting Closer ;)

And you smeck

Smeck

This ends with you shyly holding hands by the fire and his thumb is barely ghosting over the back of your hand and you’re just like wow

wow

w

o

w

10/10 awkwardly asks you three weeks in if you want to sleep in his bed

Ron calls it a sleepover

Harry hits Ron

Lightly

not lightly at all

whatever

this casual sleeping in the same bed thing continues until your first summer apart where you both go home and are like oh um sorry i can’t sleep without my emotional support human i’m gonna need that back plz thx

He has lots of money that he has no idea what to do with (and again doesn’t quite know how to show love) so spoils you rotten and you feel so bad

You’re like hey I have ten of this exact same sweater I really don’t need two more and he’s like 

but babe

you look cold

and more is always better right

no

it’s okay

Sometimes you have to bribe him not to spend ridiculous amounts of money on you

Not sexual at all, you give him massages after practices

He just lays there with his face all squished up against the pillow and is like oh heck i love u

He likes to trace your face

He likes your face a lot

And sometimes he just runs his fingers over it 

Will boop your nose

And if he doesn’t say ‘boop’ when he does then it doesn’t count and he has to do it again

He likes quality alone time

It’s not that he doesn’t like hanging out around friends with you

But when he’s with you he likes to hold you

And sometimes he’s uncomfortable doing that in front of a bunch of people

He does it anyways tho 🤷

But definitely prefers alone time with you over time spent in public

He doesn’t quite know how to use his words

Not many people have used them in a nice way to him before

And not romantically at all

So he’s learning

But he makes sure to say I love you every day at least once

He says it right before you go to sleep but would definitely say it other times throughout the day as well

If you fight

Which is inevitable

Just because he is stressed okay

He needs someone flexible

But that’s not always fair to you

But when you fight

He almost always says I’m sorry first

Because deep down he has crippling anxiety of losing you and is genuinely terrified that you might find someone better than him if he’s not with you

Leading me into my next point

He is very clingy

Sometimes it’s too much

You have to tell him

He’s not gonna realize on his own

But you have to be nice to him

Explain yourself and he’ll understand, but if you just attack him then he’ll get sad

Don’t make him sad

He introduces you to Sirius but after about a year or so

Sirius freaking loves you

He thinks you’re awesome

Loves the way you treat Harry

He was honestly a little scared that Harry would end up being tricked into a relationship with someone who only wanted him for the fame or the money

But Sirius can see how much you genuinely care for Harry and it makes him so so happy

He becomes that weird uncle to Harry and is always like

U got a good one son

u gotta marry that one son

Harry is given a ring by Sirius

He is saving it

He will use it when the time is right

He is chill with you not caring what you look like

He doesn’t care if you shave or wear makeup or wear revealing clothes

You are just as attractive to him in sweatpants and not having showered yet as you are freshly washed, shaved, made up, and dressed nicely

He literally couldn’t care less

Because he doesn’t want you to care

He secretly doesn’t think he looks good that often so he’s worried that if he holds you to a high standard that you will do the same for him and he doesn’t think that he could meet it :(

You gotta tell him that you love him every day

And you gotta compliment him too

If he’s doing great sweetie

Tell him he’s doing great sweetie

He needs lots of encouragement 

But he’s not gonna tell you that he needs it

He genuinely only thinks of you most times and it really shows

He forgets to take care of himself sometimes because he’s trying to take care of you

You need to pick up that slack and take care of him

Make sure he drinks water and eats enough

And make sure that he wears at least four different outfits throughout the week

Sometimes he’s really upset because he thinks that he can’t keep you safe

You have to reassure him that you literally don’t care and that you’re willing to risk it because he’s worth it to you

He also gets upset sometimes because his parents will never know you

But Sirius assures him that they know and that they love you

He knows they would have

He likes cuddling a lot

Cuddling with him headcanons here :’)

In bed

On the couch

In the forest

In the Great Hall (casually of course)

Sometimes casually in class too

He just likes touching you and holding you because he wants to keep you close and be sure that you don’t leave :’)

In conclusion

Dating Harry Potter would be a hell of a time

And I want to

Does it show?

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