#lots of word vomit but yeah
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Having just read Chapter 73 of spy x family, I wonder if the hijacking of the school bus will be the things that pulls Twilight into thinking "Oh. Maybe it's not just a mission."
See, despite all his time shared with Anya and Yor, cultivating fondness and sharing happy memories and 'ootings', he's never really had full-on panic. The closest thing I can remember that comes close to it is that small bit where he yells at Anya briefly for running away with Bond to stop the student-led assasination.
The thing is, when he finishes his undercover mission and The Handler informs him that "Operation Strix is in danger. Damian Desmond and Anya are being held hostages, with at least one bomb on board." will the first thing Loid - or Twilight, seeing as it become harder for even himself to distinguish the two - think be:
"Oh no, Operation Strix." or "Oh no, my daughter."
He's always taken his missions solo, what happens to his mission if the key component doesn't survive? What happens to his mission if she becomes traumatised by the situation and doesn't perform well to gain the seven more stella's needed?
Those are all very plausible though for the intelligence agent Twilight to have. He's established a persona with Donovan Desmond and Henderson at least already knows him familiarly, so if Anya is gone he'll have to wait the rest of the academic year and disappear from Yor's life to reappear in another disguise with another child and another wife, delaying the execution of Operation Strix.
Twilight is an intelligence agent, trained to hide all emotions if the situation requires it. But Loid? Loid is a "feelings doctor" as Anya puts it. Loid knows what goes through a person's mind, he knows what problems might be present and how to help the patient solve them. Loid is a family man; he's a supportive father, a caring husband, a responsible dog-walker. He dressed himself up in a combination of silly, touristy clothes because his daughter criticised him for not being fun enough and got torn down by the same girl for being uncool and "a drag".
The point is, Loid - and even Twilight, as these two masks seem to blur together - cares so much for his daughter. How will he deal with the fact that his mission is in danger? How will he deal with the fact that his daughter - his chaotic, gremlin-child daughter - his Anya, is in danger?
Will he wonder about all the time wasted while he was undercover? Will he wonder if Yor knows? For the first time, when Yor realises (probably for Yuri), will they have to face this crisis as a married couple?
It's a fake family, but, it means the world to them. Twilight, in divulging information about his mother, describes Yor as "strong" like her. Will Yor have to be strong now and stand beside Loid (and Twilight) as his operation and daughter are in danger? She can't go in and murder all of them like she would prefer to. And Twilight can't infiltrate the SSS in case it raises suspicion that Loid Forger, whose child is on that bus, doesn't truly care - but, that's only if all the parents are informed.
It's not likely that Twilight will panic and be seized by a desperate need to hold his daughter close and near after the fiasco. If anything, it'll only reaffirm his belief that he needs to be a spy with no personal attachment for his personal mission of making sure no children cry. But Loid?
Loid, who is a family man, who (most probably) picks outfits for his daughter and wife, who walks the dog and buys pastries for his family as well. Loid, who misses dinner most days but still makes sure that his daughter and wife are fed when he isn't there?
How will Loid, who would rather spend time with his family than go on these missions, react to his daughter being in mortal danger and having to face their first true parental panic and crisis with his wife?
How?
#ahhh#lots of word vomit but yeah#don't even get me started on [redacted] and his notions of family and comfort being threatened (and possibly destroyed) again#spy x family manga spoilers#spy x family
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HIIII!!!!!!!!
I LOVE your human au and would be delighted If you could expound on Wally's relationship with the cast and how he views/ is viewed by others <3
I hope you have a good day/ night whenever you are and I wish your pillow always be cold 🧚♀️🧚♀️🧚♀️
ofc! i've been thinking about it a lot!
i would like to begin by saying that, as with canon, everyone likes Wally. as they should! i think that's an Important tidbit that should always carry across, at least in some way
Wally is... i think it's also important that he's a kind person. he loves deeply, is very forgiving and accepting, and he's just. he's a bizarre little man, and he's wonderful! there is not a malicious bone in his body! he finds delight & beauty in everything he can. he looks at his friends and is filled with deep contentment and joy and love. he's not blind to their flaws (and certainly not his own), but he never minds. those flaws are part of his friends, and he loves every bit of them!
and ok. Wally is not nearly as naive in this au as he is in canon. bc he's had a different life! he's had a rough go of it! unfortunately there's next to no way for normal people to grow up completely innocent & naive & pure, yk? life is harsh. Wally is not spared. he's incredibly kind despite it all. he's still in love with life and humanity. he smiles at strangers in the street & stops to watch bees pollinate flowers & sees parts of his friends in everything. he has many intense feelings even if he doesn't really show it or know how to convey them! he believes in the inherent goodness of people & beauty of being human!
there is a... very wide range of how people (outside of the Neighbors) view Wally. a lot of people find him slightly unsettling and really fucking weird, and well. he is! he's strange, and it's a wonderful part of him! but many don't see it that way. so he was ostracized by his peers in school (all the way through college), his coworkers (the few times he held a job before becoming a full-time artist), and most people in his local community. they just don't get him. they don't See him. Wally doesn't mind all that much! all of the important people in his life accept and love him for who he is, and he wouldn't even think of changing to fit the mold others want to shove him into.
then of course there are the people who treat him like a child, bc ableism is a thing and Wally's very noticeably autistic (even if people only notice subconsciously). this i think would be one of the very few things that outright annoys Wally, even if he doesn't really show it. but then there's the people who, while they might not get him (especially not to the extent his friends do), they accept him. like much of the art community he's involved in - even if a lot of them completely misinterpret his personality / mannerisms. they're all like "ohhhh he's so mysterious and ruminant" that's the 'tism, babes
BUT! YOU ASKED ABOUT SPECIFICALLY HIM AND THE NEIGHBORS! we'll save Barnaby for last since that's. uh. i have a lot to say about it. it's Very Complex in my mind
collectively, all of them love Wally a lot. which i've said! We Know! they also (mostly subconsciously) look for his approval - he's got a certain level of charisma that makes them all want him to like them. which, he does. obviously. unconditionally. and they're all protective of him & very patient with him. i think that's both a result of his natural rizz, how kind & patient he is with them, how well they understand him, and how he's a pacifist. he's their guy and woe befall anyone who dares cross him. (essentially, all of them collectively: the only constant is suffering - omg Wally!!! 💖💖💖)
we'll start with Frank! before he got to know Wally, he thought that Wally was an aloof asshole who thought he was better than everyone. then they started to directly interact and Frank realized "oh you're literally the nicest person i've ever met & also surprisingly relatable. you're just like me fr'. did he have a lil crush on Wally? yes. im saying it now literally everyone in the friend group (except local lesbians poppy & sally) has had at least a teensy crush on Wally at some point. but Frank deeply appreciates Wally's company & his complete lack of judgement. and how he gladly will let Frank talk for hours on end, chiming in with questions to prompt him to talk more! he also appreciates Wally's calm demeanor and vibes. he's one of those people that even when overwhelmed, Frank can handle having Wally around. he's like a human capybara! if Frank needs/wants a buddy with him for Situations, his go-to (after Julie ofc, though depending on the situation he'd pick Wally first) is Wally, since Wally Gets It. also Wally is unafraid to be like "wow, this kinda sucks! we're leaving", thus giving Frank an easy out. they just get along very well! ofc Frank can get frustrated with Wally, but then again he gets frustrated w/ everyone. but since Wally is patient with him, Frank tries to return the favor. also he's gotten into several fistfights over Wally's honor
Julie! she loves Wally so fucking much! he's her lil guy! even if he's kinda boring in a way! he's not very good at games or sports & would rather go on a relaxing walk than play Just Dance, but hey! he always makes Attempts, and she appreciates that! when they were younger and Julie & Sally & Poppy had girls nights (they continue to have girls' nights but everyone is involved. they still call it that tho), they'd often include Wally bc, yk! he's chill like that! Julie also massively respects his ability to say "no thank you" to anything without compromise. if he ever says it to her, she knows that he doesn't mean Any ill will by it! there's a sort of comfort in that! she knows she can be herself around him! also he's just... very good company. he's a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, a willing victim & confidante for elaborate schemes! he visits her at work Purely because he knows it delights her to see a friendly face in the middle of a grueling shift! he's always been a bit of a lighthouse to her!
and while Sally can be a little exasperated with how literal Wally is, she finds no small amount of solidarity with him As A Fellow Artist. when they first became friends, they caught on like a house on fire! she mentioned the artistic side of theater, and Wally was immediately on board. then and going forward Wally is always willing and more than happy to assist with painting sets, art advertisements for her performances, etc! they have little brainstorming sessions where she rambles about what she wants sets / costumes to look like, and Wally sketches them out! since Sally was a theater kid and goes on to work in that department (locally, usually), Wally often gets first read of her scripts. Sally highly values Wally's opinion and input. if he's free, sometimes he helps teach the actors' the show choreography. Sally runs through it with him, Wally soaks up the moves like a sponge & memorizes them, and hey! he loves to teach! Sally just. she loves him a lot. they're both artists of a sophisticated nature <3
Howdy thinks Wally is real neat! Wally is good company and is (often unintentionally) hilarious! he's also like... the one person Howdy refuses to scam in any way shape or form. tricking grandmas into buying more than they need? no sweat. tricking Wally into spending slightly more money than intended? Howdy feels like a fucking monster. but yeah, Howdy's just always delighted to see Wally! he likes Wally's unique view of the world and often takes it into consideration when making decisions. when he's stuck on something, he thinks WWWD (what would Wally do!). Howdy also is the one who most often accompanies Wally to his art shows & the like, bc he knows that Wally will accept the first price offer he hears - and Howdy is determined that his incredible works of art are paid for their worth! nobody is gotta cheat his pal outta a single cent! he just likes having Wally around, you know?
Wally & Poppy have an interesting relationship, i think! he tells the cashier "she asked for no pickles" for her! she makes sure he always has a soft place to land! he kinda confuses her, but she finds it endearing in a way? he displays a personality/behavioral quirk and she's like "oh. well alright!" and rolls with it very gracefully. they appreciate each other's mellow demeanor and proclivity for peace. Poppy knows she can always have a nice, quiet conversation with him over tea (even if he doesn't drink it!). and he's always willing to help with anything and everything she needs, no question. i think i've made this joke on this blog before but! in way! he's her emotional support animal lmao. a hand to squeeze to death on an airplane! also it's funny for me to picture a 6'8 woman hunched behind this 5'2 shrimp of a man as if he can hide her
it takes a little bit for Eddie to adjust to Wally's bizarre nature! like i've said, Eddie connects with the group when they're all in their late 20s. he hasn't had over a decade of being friends with Wally like the rest of them. he likes Wally plenty! definitely grows to love him! but it's an adjustment. Wally consistently startles him very easily (Wally is naturally quiet and has a habit of appearing out of nowhere), and Eddie has a hard time getting a read on him. most people do! and also Wally is very handsome/pretty, and that throws Eddie off a bit (it's hard to think when someone so attractive is staring directly into your eyes without blinking) but once he gets somewhat used to Wally & understands as much as he can, he very much appreciates Wally's company & friendship! they find (somewhat subconscious) solidarity in being the kindest and most helpful people in the clique! and Wally is a wonderful island of peace in a turbulent world. Eddie never minds sitting with him for a cup of coffee in the early morning during his route, even if it means his workday ends a few minutes later than usual.
other supporting cast like Wally as well. Ms. Beagle kinda views him as a second son! the Joyful siblings will always find him a little weird and unsettling, but they're nice enough to him. Howdy's family thinks he's neat. etc! but lets talk about Barnaby!
Wally is literally everything to Barnaby. that's his person. there is literally no one that comes before Wally in his eyes and heart. their relationship is and always has been very nontraditional To Me (in this au and somewhat how i view them overall! its complicated!). Wally never subscribed to or understood societal norms, and as a result, Barnaby wound up pretty much shunning them as well when it comes to his lil buddy. their relationship isn't romantic - Wally is very aro and Barnaby just does not feel that way about him, not really. but at the same time it's certainly not entirely platonic!
neither of them can imagine being separated. they met in 7th grade and have been glued together ever since. they've been through some tough shit together! they know each other better than anyone! you cannot have one without the other! they're more than a package deal - they're Inseparable! Barnaby has had many a nightmare of Wally leaving in one way or another, and it scares him more than anything. to him, he can weather any storm as long as Wally is by his side. they obviously don't spend every moment together, but at the end of the day they always come home to each other.
Barnaby just... he loves and respects and values Wally so much. he wants his approval, his attention, his company. sometimes he scares himself by considering the lengths he'd go to for Wally. there is no one he's more comfortable with or feels he understands / is understood by. if somebody has a problem with Wally, they have a problem with Barnaby. if Wally jumped off a cliff, Barnaby would not hesitate to leap after him! Wally says jump, Barnaby asks how high! he's not a violent person at all, but teen Barnaby once broke a bully's jaw for goin' a little too far w/ Wally
is their relationship a smidge unhealthy? a lil codependent? yes <3 yes it is <3 but we all know that Wally would never use this against Barnaby. on his side of the coin, Barnaby is his person as well! Wally has never imagined his life without Barnaby because it just does not occur to him that that's a possibility. there are many things that only Barnaby knows about Wally, sides only he's seen. there's complete & unconditional trust/love between them. they hotbox Home together <3
#ough that was a lot of word vomit i hope its coherent!#this is a sort of character study imo! in a way! of a sort!#which ive said but i like to Restate!#but yeah all the main guys get along with / love wally and vice versa!#what would they do without him <3#i think its important that wally is somewhat... uh... Out Of Place in whichever setting he's in#in canon he's exactly where & what he's made for and yet he's still incredibly Different#and when au-crafting the fun in them is echoing the source. we've just taken a step to the left!#anyway anyway#sally and wally have a place in my heart for this au#they're besties! classy artists!#wally is always allowed on set / backstage!#rambles from the bog#wh modern human au#and obvs it isnt all sunshine and roses#but im doing my best to Sum Up The General Emotions and Overall Relationships!#barnaby & wally's is especially fascinating to me#like... if they lost each other they'd probably die of a broken heart lmao#i mean during the I Put Wally Darling In The Hospital arc barnaby is ~pining away~ and wally's gonna be fine#he's in his hospital bed watching psych reruns#meanwhile barnaby is at home not eating not sleeping just sitting in wally's studio & brooding#oh also. subject change but this occurred to me and the meme is Accurate#howdy: this is my husband barnaby! & this is barnabys platonic life partner wally!
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I'm kicking, screaming, crying, throwing up, pulling my hair out by the roots—
Exile by Taylor Swift is such a Maiko-coded song. Like, it doesn't get more perfect. Literally every single line of that song fits with Maiko perfectly ugh!!!
The way I'm feeling right now has no solution, no relief. It's like how you want to crush cute things cause there really isn't any response that would deal with the stimulus called cuteness? I'm going crazy because I can't express how much I love this song and I love maiko and sometimes words aren't necessary. Sometimes it's just the vibes and exile is so maiko in vibes—I feel like I've understood a lot of things I feel like throwing up.
It's like Zuko and Aang looking at the dragon flames and understanding firebending. I listen to exile and it's just—maiko in my head...just pictures and vibes and feels. No words apart from the ones in the song and they fit, okay?
#i always associated don't blame me with mai#love did make her crazy#but two taylor swift songs being so maiko huh#i used to taylor but not anymore#i barely listen to her music anymore—new music at least and I don't like her anymore for a lot of reasons *cough* the environment *cough*#BUT—Lover is the reason is survived grade 11th and now#AND NOW I'M FINDING THAT HER SONGS ARE PERFECT FOR MY FAVOURITE SHIP!!!#ugh#ugg#UGH#exile is SSOOOOO maiko#you never gave a warning sign#i gave so many signs#ugh!!!#i think I've seen this film before and I didn't like the ending reminds me of when zuko locks mai in boiling rock cell and—#—they share 3 secs of intense eye contact#yeah#ive seen this film before!!!#maiko#zuko#mai#i just felt like word vomiting#atla#avatar the last airbender#exile taylor swift ft. bon ivor
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some killjoy hcs/rambles :3
big fan of the HC that Ghoul has hearing loss like. look at that fella and tell me he has any sense of safety precautions
i also think he knows how to shoot his raygun and obviously has his explosives but if a fight ever becomes close range she just starts Biting
and that fucker can bite HARD he has dogshit dental heath (but that's pretty much a given if you live in the zones, i think) but his bite is so strong he often would rather use his teeth than scissors
also playing around (like. considering) with the hc of him being bigender? idk, thinking about that
cause i hc him as being raised in the zones + his crew died when he was young, i think he doesn't really have like. a strong idea of binary sex/gender/sexuality? like, i feel like labeling people is mostly a City concept, and killjoys just do whatever (although some killjoys do label themselves, it's just not an often occurrence)
SPEAKING OF THE CITY!!! i think Party and Kobra where both raised there and escaped together
Party realized they were NB and probably some flavor of queer when they were pretty young and tried to repress it at first, but that's obviously not health so it lead to them having really shit metal health/had a mental health crisis, but eventually they told Kobra and he tries to give them advice/ just be someone for Party to talk too
i also think they stopped talking their pills pretty young (like, i think Party stopped around puberty? so 10ish) and Kobra stopped a bit before Party came out to him (which is why he didn't report them and was able to help them)
Party's queerness is kinda what led to them leaving the city (i think there also may have been a confrontation with their parents that narrowed down their options to either running away or getting turned over for "reprogramming" but hey ho)
i think they would've met Jet Star and his crew pretty soon after them leaving the city, and they helped them to get to Dr. D
Jet couldn't convince the crew to let Party and Kobra stay any longer so they parted ways there
i actually don't have many Jet specific hcs other than that his eye patch is probably either due to an accident Ghoul caused or due to a clap with a drac
i think about a year after meeting Party & Kobra he leaves his own crew to go form his own/traverse the desert
which kinda leads to a general killjoy hc that they tend to be in crew with their families till they leave to form/find their own at around 15-20 (although some killjoys do stay in their original family crew)
there's probably zone-wide gatherings/parties where a tone of killjoys meet up to relax and have a good time
i flip flop between Party and Ghoul meeting at one of these and them meeting in some abandoned area while Party's doing a supply run
Ghoul speaks Afrikaans because i said so :3 (don't ask how it makes sense in canon - it doesn't really)
He reverts back to speaking it when angry/feeling very strong emotions (although it tends to be very choppy cause although speaking afrikaans is like his coping mechanism, he wasn't taught much of it by his family before they died)
I think she'd try to teach the other killjoys at some point cause it'd make communication easier, but Party's the only one who's remotely good at it cause they're the only other person in the group who can roll their r's
Party & Kobra r very shocked when they learn that other languages is a thing like. at all. cause growing up in the city they wouldn't have been taught that other languages r like. a thing ++ they would kinda also be taught at the same time that "everyone only speaking english is better cause then there's no error in communication ^_^" or something like that
idk whether or not i want Ghoul to be the reason they find this out… it'd definitely make for a good fic idea
like I said, I hc Ghoul as having bad dental health, but I think that also applies to Jet
Party and Kobra's good dental health is actually pretty unusual -- people tend to be able to tell they're from the city because of it
I also think they all have some kinda acne/acne scarring
for Party (and to a lesser extent, Kobra) it was a (bad) way to cope with the stress and anxiety of living in the city, and it became a habit that's still very hard for them to break
for Ghoul and Jet i think it's more a background thing they've never thought too hard on? like, oh there's red spots on my face now and some of them hurt? slay /pos
#sorry if the name colours are irritating/distracting it just helps me read large pieces of text#i'm insane about these fellas#sorry there's very few Kobra/Jet specific hcs i'm still pondering those#anyways yeah :333#might start writing my own fanfic cause of them#ttlotfk#ddttlotfk#killjoy headcanons#party poison#jet star#kobra kid#fun ghoul#danger days#the fabulous killjoys#cart's rambles#cart's word vomit#a lot of this is just projection but hey ho
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im writing a short fanfic rn and i am SO CLOSE to being done i just need to fill in a conversation its so ANNOYINGGGG😭😭
#literally all i need is to somehow bring the conversation from return of the living dead to baking#i might make more chapters#but rn its just abt 2k words of jealous/protective mike#also i DID NOT realize how long it took to write an actual okay sized fanfic until i wrote this#i have written before but it was only like 500 words#and whatever else i have in my notes app is word vomit of scenarios i have in my head#but fr im seriously im not moving until i get this posted#i have like THREE lines of dialogue left#but yeah ill post it here maybe tiktok and on ao3#oh wow thats a lot of tags#dont mind me guys😁😁#byler#stranger things#mike wheeler#will byers
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Alfred fell for Suzie because he felt like she was the one being whom he could let down his walls for. He was born alone, and he was going to die alone– that was the mindset he's had since he was young. But when he's with her, he doesn't think about hellfire or being damned for all of eternity for desire, or the sins he can never wash from his hands. He loves them because Suzie is familiar. Strong, safe. He doesn't have to worry about geopolitics if he's with her, basically lol. As much as he loves the spotlight, he also, above all, loves his fucking space. Again, he was born alone, and spent so much time being alone that any other way feels odd, somehow. Like he's just playing the fool. But with her, he doesn't have to pull back his emotions, his thoughts. He doesn't have to worry about her judging him even if he knows he deserves it. Instead, when he fucks up, or when he feels especially alone, they take his hand and squeeze it firmly– "We're going to be okay. We'll get back up somehow."
Suzie fell for Alfred because he made things feel possible. Being raised as the youngest daughter of some nobleman or other, Suzie knew early on that their duty to their family prior to being chosen for this job was to marry some wealthy nobleman, maintain his household, give him children, then die. A lot has happened since that little girl left her father's home, but even then, Suzie told themselves that whatever their duty or station in life is, they were going to fight like hell to make it a fulfilling one. She's always been endlessly curious– after a question has been answered, she has at least five more. Suzie wanted to see and experience everything, to have the knowledge, the capacity– the power to make things happen. She's always dreamed of the sky and the stars– and Alfred, with his all-encompassing, boundless optimism and fiery drive to accomplish whatever task he thought was worth the effort, Suzie can't help but feel similarly.
They both make each other discover things about themselves they never would've known otherwise. Alfred had no idea he too, hated the utter lack of complete independence when one's in the spotlight until Suzie told him how they felt about it. Independence to do whatever they wanted, whenever they want. He had no idea he was being so damn scummy until Suzie smacked him with cold, hard facts in the late 80s. He genuinely thought he was doing good things, deluding himself into thinking he was being good. But most of all, he had no idea about the depth of his compassion until she began involving him in her non-official excursions, helping out in communities and such. He loves his people, but just "loving" doesn't really mean anything if he's some kind of untouchable patron saint. Love doesn't mean a damn thing if the one half is unsure about truly returning it and the other is unsure of what, who it's loving. But Suzie was sure. She was always so goddamn sure of everything– and Alfred admires that. Sure, they take a while to make decisions, but they truly take the time to hear all possible reasons, study all possible scenarios, circumventing most problems Alfred would be blindsighted by.
It's definitely not perfect– their relationship has been on the rocks now and again. But the effort, the devotion is there. And, they make one hell of a good team.
#re: amesuzie#oc: susannah knightley#sol's writing#i never know whether to tag alfred in these damn things. a lot of these little analysis blurbs include a lot of him but#yeah LMFAOO#i just felt bad abt talking shit about AmeSuzie yesterday i had to balance it out !!!!!!#oh also! i used a lot of gendered terms on suzie's part but they are non binary still. i'm talking about their girlhood in past tense#apologies if this was messy these are just thoughts !! very word vomit-y#if anyone wants me to elaborate on sth pls don't hesitate to ask and i won't hesitate in shamelessly yapping about my silly otp <33 shhdhd#i'll also probably go back in and edit this a few times as i go but yeeee !!! once again i'm not an expert
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jjk s1 and s2 spoilers
caught up to the jjk anime this week and damn, hits hard
Animation is stellar, the characters are really fun, there's themes that really hit me hard and godamn the ending of jjk 0 actually made me cry, like tears were shed. I understood why my brother loved the movie lmao
but rn there's one man on my mind. Gojo fucking satoru
Gojo Satoru is just, wow, what hasn't been said about him? He's certainly a showstopper alright, I know Itadori's the protagonist but my eyes were on Gojo the entire time, season 2 personally was even more exciting with that in mind.
I haven't really had the time to do a deep dive on him, but I do have some thoughts... First, yeah he's hot asf I'll give him that (those eyes of his are on my mind and they won't leave me alone, also props to the english dub for the absolutely feral lines)
but the progression of him as a person is also really fun to see. I'm especially interested in him maturing from this arrogant and individualistic person at the beginning of season 2 to... well, still being that but also becoming a mentor to other people.
Like, that's such a huge step for me because contrary to what his pride tells him, he's come to realize he can't do it alone (I mean, he can at the moment but it's more realistic to try and personally raise these youth with potential so that they may bring about a powerful new generation)
The line about education really hit me and I kept thinking about it these last couple of days. He wants to bring change, but if he's the only one humanity has to rely on, he'll run himself ragged. And so, he takes the time and patience to grow these little seedlings, watch them get more powerful but also watch as they may fail along the journey. Even though he's become a teacher, he's not soft on them at all. It's a fact that if they're unable to keep up with him, they will get left behind. Whether that be in skill, or death.
Other than to raise more powerful sorcerers, I can't help but feel this also comes from a place of loneliness, because Geto left him.
I wonder, how much it will hurt to see his students fall? Because although they are improving at a fast rate, can they really keep up with The Gojo Satoru? Or will they against all odds, with his full support, be able to carry on when he's gone? Despite the uncertainty, he continues to teach.
Though the goal is daunting, seeing him wake up to his students and smiling brought such a warm feeling to my chest, it was so sweet.
Also love how unhinged he can get, like characters who do the manic smile thing never ceases to make me giggle excitedly (Nobara and Fushiguro also knocked it out of the park in that aspect, extremely hyped when they went completely off the hinge and kicked ass).
However, there's one scene that absolutely left me in awe. A beautiful mixture of music and imagery that sent shivers up my body every time I watch it. A scene in which he's shown being a mixture of unhinged, yet so at "peace". The juxtaposition is absolutely beautiful to see.
Fighting against toji, where he was high off his epiphany, he had an inner monologue so quiet, so relaxed and detached from how he usually is, coupled with the same piano tune that accompanied the scenes with him, Riko and Geto in the background. My breath was taken away, my eyes were glued to the screen in awe as the music crescendo-ed, and I couldn't help but think "he's beautiful" splattered in blood, bathed in sunlight and eyes glowing with the most vibrant blue.
After the dust had settled, the three of them lost something that day. Riko lost her life, Gojo started to lose his best friend, and Geto started to lose his moral compass and ideals.
The piano music was called "一緒なら" or "If I am with you/together". I wonder why? Perhaps the first time, it was from Riko's POV, as she, Gojo, Geto and Kuroi were sightseeing for the very last time.
The second time, although Gojo seemed detached from Riko's death, perhaps he genuinely cared for her, so much that he'd mourn in his own way.
The arc started with Gojo carrying Riko in his arms
The arc ended with Gojo holding Riko's dead body as the crowd celebrated her death.
He started to lose it, even asking Geto if he should kill all of them. Funny how the tables have turned.
#(SHEESH did not think it'd be this long-)#You know that twitter post about characters with big ol blue eyes staring at you? Yeah that's my brain on Gojo fuckin satoru#sorry for the incoherent mess of words I just vomitted out i have a lot of thoughts and thanks im okay how are you?#I mightve interpreted some details wrong but ill leave that for later#fruit talks
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Random thought but upon further reflection... I think I've finally figured out why I actually couldn't stand Kaveh at first (past tense! I love him now if you haven't noticed yet).
When it comes to his character I see myself in him a lot as well. To the point, where I'd say I kin him.
I think he is a bit too relatable for me so that's why I didn't like him.
I'm often down on myself, never feeling good enough or deserving of love or things, holding myself to an insanely high standard that's sheer impossible to meet, and then getting upset if I can't meet it. All of this goes to the point where I neglect myself and my health.
And on top of all of that, I constantly want to help people even if it means I'm inconvenienced. And if something goes awry I blame myself very often for that as well...
#🍁 dust rambles#bit of a personal word vomit#but I look at Kaveh and just see myself#and having my flaws slapped in my face like that was at least subconsciously offputting for me#does that even make sense#well yeah anyway#kaveh? you and me? same page!#plus I'm an artist so I can relate to these struggles a lot as well#fun fact... I wanted to study architecture once#either that or biology#glad I didn't do it because I SUCK at math#might delete this later I just needed to put it into words#🍁彡 gi
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You seem to really know everything and I love that!
Have you noticed if the angel tattoos that he has are matching ones with any friends/gf?
I saw a girl that his filmographer friend Alex tagged and she had a very similar angel tattoo than Joji's, just pointing the opposite direccion.
Just curious!
Why thank you, it feels good to be appreciated for my insanity. I wouldn't say that i know everything but god theres so much stuff out there and i am lowkey obsessed with seeing as much of it as i possibly can. I've pulled more accidental all nighters stalking this mans facebook pages than is probably sane.
On the topic of the angel tattoos. First of all Alex is @/_brthr_ on Instagram correct? I went through his posts and i didn't see the post u are referring to so u r gonna have to send me a link or something. For research purposes. But to be completely honest with you, Joji's romantic entanglements are the one part of his life that genuinely doesn't interest me in the slightest/I don't care to speculate about. His denial to make any of this stuff public is one of the things i really respect about him actually.
Maybe they just share the same tattoo artist, Joji and Alex certainly do/did for some time. An angel is a pretty classic design, it doesn't have to mean anything. The world may never know.
#joji#ask#anon#getting asks on this blog is always so fun hehe thax for talking to me#but yeah to expand on that thought#im curious about a lot of parts of this mans life. maybe a little more curious than i probably should.#definitely a Lot more curious than im used to being when it comes to ~celebrities~#i just can't help it i find him fascinating#but.#joji could get married and none of us would know. he just wouldn't announce it publicly because thats just the sort of person he is#and i find that refreshing. in a world were celebs turn their love lives into self promo his approach is just so much more human to me#at the end of the day he just poseses this insane amount of ''Just Some Guy Who Happened to Get Wildly Famous'' swag that fascinates me#sorry for taking your question as an opportunity to rant about unrelated topics xoxo#come back and ask me more questions if u feel like receiving a random word vomit in return#tattoos
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c!wilbur going around apologising to everyone and trying to make things better only for him to plan on seeing the people he probably ruined the most Last and to not even apologise to them .whatever
#i’m gonna elaborate on this later just let me get my word vomit out#like. yeah c!q & c!tommy would have been a lot better off without him when you look at it#<- ccwil calling cwil a bane on ctommy#<- and the whole shit with c!q#tntduo#crimeboys
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A Dragon's Reservations (Drabble)
Extension / Spinoff Of This Thread With @shachou
"Thanks for helping tuck me in, Tasuku." The youngest Kaiba speaks, offering the other a weak but genuine smile of thankfulness. Even if his friend's efforts were not quite to his preferences (they were a bit too tight), Mokuba still appreciated the effort. "I...I was never quite good at it. I've always had...help with it."
"You're welcome." Tasuku reacts with smile of his own, a hand gripping the door's knob as he slowly began to close it. "Rest well and good night, Mokuba. If you need anything, don't be afraid to call for us. We'll be right there with you."
Yet again, that reminder is given. It's something that Tasuku's made a point to say over the past few weeks his friend's been here. The purpose of it was to sway any doubts the boy had that he was a 'burden' and encourage him to seek help if (or rather inevitably, considering his frequent night terrors) he needed it. After all, he's heard Mokuba beat himself up needlessly enough since his arrival over the idea of being a 'burden', a sight that made his blood boil as much as it made his heart ache because he knew exactly where such things seemed from.
Or rather...he knew exactly from who they stemmed, the very person whose mistakes continued to cause pain to the one he was supposed to protect and cherish, his only remaining family who cherished him despite the blood on his hands and his many sins...
Kaiba Seto.
Upon closing the door to his bedroom that he was letting Mokuba borrow, he moves to go outside. Fresh air was key in helping him calm himself when he could feel himself getting tense, such tension coming from the anger that was practically waiting to rise from his chest. He goes to the roof of his apartment, stopping to look up at the serenity of the beautiful stars and crescent moon as he breathes in and out slowly. Looking at them, especially the moon, always made him feel calmer for some reason, the lights in the darkness that seemed to always surround him in one way or another.
Sadly, they did little to help this time. The more he sat and looked at them, the more the grip of his negative emotions, his anger, his rage, take hold on his heart and mind. Tasuku promised himself he wouldn't show that side of him in front of his friend, for that would just make things worse, but that meant that the effects of all that repressing he had been doing were taking hold now, with those very repressed feelings bubbling back up to the surface that can be visibly seen by the shaking of a clenched fist.
One might think such feelings of intense disdain for someone you've never met before were unbelievable. Despite being friends with Mokuba for about a year now, he's actually never once met his brother directly. Though, that doesn't mean he hasn't ever seen the CEO in person, or more specifically, hasn't ever seen his direct actions and the effect they have on his younger brother.
Even now as he stood there on the roof, his memories of that day were vivid, replaying in his mind like a perfect video recording. It was a key day in his memory, but not for a good reason. For it was the very day he saw Kaiba Seto's ugliness and cruel heart slowly reveal itself, with innocents, including his own kin, being at the mercy of his cruel and twisted 'games'.
--------------------
After several long weeks of searching, he managed to get his hands on what he had been looking for. It was an invitation to the hottest and most exclusive gaming event Domino had seen yet: the opening ceremonies of Kaiba Land, the first theme park of its kind in Japan, hosted by the Kaiba Corporation. Though, it wasn't his joy of games that brought him to seek out an invitation. Instead it was, of course, his work, something that always took precedence even over his own desires. Yes he had been tasked by Commander I to investigate the event that had been surrounded in many rumors that were of interest to the Buddy Police, specifically ones that may pertain to dangerous games having been secretly built in a place meant for children.
Why was he doing this mission solo? Simple. All of the invited guests to the event were children and only children. No adults who were not employees were permitted in. So, Tasuku had no choice but to go it alone, something he was honestly okay with. Him being on his own, while certainly increased the risk, made him able to do his job much easier. Plus, it would help him maintain his cover, considering he was entering this under a different identity.
Thankfully, he managed to cling to the large crowd of kids who rushed into the facility as soon as it opened after having shown his invitation. Being lost in a crowd made him a lot harder to track, ruby hues eying all the suited security men around the facility. If he was to make any moves, he needs to be careful. While he does have Jack as an ultimate last resort to aid him, the last thing either of them wants is to reveal the dragon's existence needlessly. Doing so could cause a disaster with unforeseen consequences.
So, he opted for the strategy to search the facility from top to bottom while everyone was seemingly busy with the opening ceremony. He went from facility to facility to test out each and every game for any potential signs of danger. Much to his surprise and relief, none of the games he looked at had anything out of the ordinary with them in terms of potential hazards. The closest thing was the realism of the regular virtual reality simulator, but there seemed to be some warnings associated with it, at least.
Were the rumors just rumors after all? Tasuku can't be sure. These areas were publically accessible. If there were illegal, dangerous tech, surely they wouldn't put it out in the open. That's when he remembers he has yet to enter the tower where the opening ceremony had been taking place. Could that be where it was?
With a swift turn, he exits the arcade area he had examined and goes towards the tower instead. Apparently, the action was now on the fourth floor, as indicated by a screen outside the stairwell that now displayed 'Death T 4' in progress'. Just the name 'Death T' was enough to set off his instincts that this is what he was looking for, and after taking a moment to climb up the stairs and enter the stands, his suspicions were proven correct almost immediately.
For what he bore witness to was unlike anything he'd ever seen before, a display that would forever be burned into his heart and ignite his righteous green flames of justice.
Tasuku's eyes scanned over the stadium that was erupting in shock, all seemingly focused on the live image of Kaiba Seto, the CEO of Kaiba Corporation. The Buddy Police Boy Wonder was fully aware of who he was due to his reputation in the gaming world. There were some who said he'd never lost a game before in his life. There were also some who said he was responsible for the death of the previous CEO, Kaiba Gozaboru, a rumor no one could verify the truth of.
"I've been waiting for you, Yugi! Good job. I've gotten bored of these amusements."
"Amusements?"
"Take that path to the elevator and rise to the final stage!"
"I will! Don't you go anywhere! You'll get your game all right, Kaiba!"
That's when Tasuku takes a look around the rest of the space, noticing the colossal fight box in the middle. There he sees a taller boy outside of it (who he presumed was this 'Yugi' Kaiba referred to) and a small child on the inside. Judging by it, it seems the younger of the two had just been defeated in a game of some kind, seemingly an obstacle in Yugi's path to advancement.
But...that wasn't just any child in there. That was...
"Kaiba Mokuba, the Capsule Monsters Chess champion...And the very same person Lady Suzuha mentioned she lost contact with six months ago..."
It was one of those things the heiress mentioned to him during one of their recent encounters. She mentioned that if he ever ran into him, as such a thing might happen due to his line of work, to give her an update on his condition. Thank goodness an innocent like her wasn't here to witness this (little did he know such a thing was intentional on the younger Kaiba's part).
"I've felt your pathetic, clinging, loser's gaze...staring at my back for years...I kept telling you and over over, Mokuba...If you play with fire you'll get burned..."
Even though he can't hear Mokuba's reaction due to the box not being mic'd, Tasuku can just see and feel the fear from what his brother said. He knew nothing about the brother's relationship, but that didn't matter to him. As someone who had a very strong sense of family, he very much despised any mistreatment of a family member, blood or otherwise. Just seeing this cruelty got his blood boiling, but it truly exploded in fury at what would come next.
"You understand, don't you? Only the winner is allowed out of that duel box!" A button is pressed, one that seems to activate some kind of 'smoke' inside the enclosed space in which Mokuba was trapped. "A Penalty Game awaits the loser!! That is the Law of 'Death T'!!"
"A Penalty Game?!" The phrase echoes in his mind as his body is paralyzed as the display unfolds. Virtual projections more realistic than those he saw on the simulator came to life and caused the one trapped inside to scream and cower in absolute terror for his life. "This...This must be what our lead was about! If this was the fourth stage, then that means there must have been more of these dangerous games and punishments on the earlier 'Death T' stages!"
He could feel his body temperature rising and his breath heavying as he watched the torture go on, the sight triggering what appeared to be a panic attack. He normally made a point to try hold himself together while on a job, to steel himself so it wouldn't hold him back but...nothing could have prepared him for what he he was looking at. Seeing Kaiba Mokuba defenseless and calling out for help (presumably for his brother) reminds him of his own experiences when he was stranded on that mountain shortly after the Disaster, calling out for his family to save him and bring him home.
If Jack hadn't come to save him that day, he surely would have perished...just like Kaiba Mokuba might if no one comes to save him from his brother's cruel act...
Realizing that fact causes him to try and take action despite his physical symptoms. Anything was better than doing nothing. He ran through the bleachers, shoving past everyone to try and reach the bottom. With his physical prowess, he just might be able to jump off the bottom and reach the center platform. However, he stops at the edge as soon as the voice of someone else rings through, filled with heroic courage.
"Mokuba!!! Mokuba...take my hand!!"
And there the Buddyfighter bears witness to Yugi, a victim in this entire messed-up creation of the CEO of Kaiba Corporation, go in and drag Kaiba Mokuba out, saving his life and sanity in the process. A wave of relief washes through Tasuku at the sight of the two outside the chamber, his heart still racing through his chest. That demonstration right there gave the officer a large amount of respect for the gamer, who saved his opponent from the penalty of his loss of the game between them. That show of sportsmanship and kindness wasn't often seen in situations such as these with high stakes. Muto Yugi is someone he'll personally have to keep his eye on for certain.
As the amethyst-eyed gamer leaves for his fated battle on the next floor, Tasuku shifts his attention back to the robed boy kneeling on the ground, shaking and sobbing after having experienced such a horrific thing at his brother's hands. Watching him in that state causes his hands to curl into fists at his sides, his body now shaking not in panic but instead in sheer anger that was akin to a dragon's as he bores his fangs behind gritted teeth.
"Kaiba Seto...To think you would stoop so low as to bring harm to your own family...And turn games that are supposed to bring people together in friendly competition and fun into nothing more than death traps..."
"I'll never forgive you for this..."
"I'll never forgive you!!!!!"
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Those words of anger, the ones that echoed his feelings that still remain today, are the last he hears before he is brought back to the present by the golden light of a Buddyfight card. Jack manifests from his pocket before the boy in his mini form, the dragon's golden eyes showing deep concern. Seems he felt the rage in Tasuku's heart too as the officer was spilling it out in waves after having been buried for so long.
"Jack...I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you. I'm doing fi-"
"Tasuku, you don't need to hide what you're feeling from me." The dragon cuts the boy off, his words stopping Tasuku's completely. "We're not just buddies, remember? We're family. The day you took me in and accepted me as a part of your own family, your loads became my loads; ones I share with you gladly. So please, please tell me what is on your mind. Although, I have an idea as to what or rather...who it might be."
A sigh escapes the boy's lips. For he knew well there was no arguing when it came to his only remaining family. Deep down, he knew how unhealthy it was to keep these feelings of his bottled up so tightly, wisdom he's given to others in the past to not do. He'd be a hypocrite if he didn't follow his own advice.
"I just...I just can't...I just can't get over the anger I feel when I think about what he's done..."He is clenching his fist now, trying to stabilize himself as he speaks his heart to his most trusted ally. "I don't care if he had a rough past, like Mokuba's said over and over. I don't care if Mokuba forgave him, wanting to try to move forward. No one...No one has the right to emotionally, physically, and psychologically damage their own brother, who did nothing but try to make him happy..."
Everything Mokuba did back then during the time of his separation from Lady Suzuha, all of it had been for the sake of his brother, who ignored and rejected him. He thought that there was no other way to get even an ounce of the happiness and love he once knew unless he also stained his hands. The fact he thought he even had to do such a thing just made Tasuku even more furious. How could anyone be so cruel?
"Then, after it was claimed that he had changed and presumably learned from his past sins, he yells at his brother so harshly and with such animosity to the point of Mokuba running away from home! And for what? Just expressing how he was feeling, like any normal person does? That's not even to mention what he's put so many others through for the sake of his own selfish reasons..."
He has yet to forget about both 'events' Kaiba hosted, 'Death-T' and Battle City, and how they both endangered the lives of innocent multiple times. He's put people into death games. He's kidnapped, lied, and stolen. He's created a trap for dangerous criminals in the form of a tournament that made the entire city a battlefield, without even consulting the Buddy Police. Need he say more?
"Your feelings towards him are understandable, Tasuku. I do not disagree with them. Kaiba Seto has committed actions that are unforgivable. However..." He pauses for a moment, flying over so his golden eyes are looking directly into Tasuku's rubies. "I do think, considering the boy's worsening condition, it might be time to consider a change in our approach to aid him."
"You're talking about what Gao suggested earlier today, aren't you?" He asked, Jack nodding his head in response.
"I understand your reservations about the idea, but...our top priority is to help your friend recover from the nightmares and fear that plague his heart and mind. And if we cannot do so effectively, then we must get the aid of the one who cares for-"
"If he really cared about his brother's well-being, don't you think he would have been here by now to see him?" His words cut off the dragon's, Tasuku's fist continuing to be curled tightly. "Even if he thought he'd be of no help or potentially make things worse, doing something is better than doing nothing at all. And no, sending one of his employees to spy on Mokuba does not count. That's not what Mokuba wants or needs."
"So...you do agree with the notion that the boy needs his brother to truly get through this, then?"
"Yes. We can only do so much without getting to the root of the problem directly."
"Then why did you tell Gao that you disagreed with the idea to begin with?"
"I told Gao that I disagreed with the idea of one of us bringing Kaiba Seto here. I never said I opposed him coming here on his own." Honestly, if he had, this might had been resolved already. "There's a difference between giving someone space and just not taking action. He's clearly staying away because he knows he's the problem, but by doing so, he's not taking responsibility or taking action to try and resolve this. And because of that, Mokuba is now too afraid to even try to contact him, leading to his anxieties and nightmares worsening."
Considering his past experiences, such a reaction from the boy wasn't surprising. He's gotten yelled at for expressing himself before. It only made sense he'd be afraid to do so again, especially after his own actions of running away from his home.
"He needs to be ready and willing to have a true conversation in order to resolve this, not just one to pacify Mokuba and sweep the issue under the rug. That will just make things worse for them both in the future."
This tactic, he suspects, was probably used in the past, considering how both seemingly moved on from the 'Death T' incident so quickly despite its intensity and lingering aftereffects. After all, Tasuku has no doubt Mokuba's recurring nightmares and PTSD symptoms are a consequence of that day. He's heard him almost confirm it himself in what he's mumbled while tossing and turning in his sleep.
"However, to prepare himself accordingly for that, he has his own demons he needs to battle within his heart, just like Mokuba's been doing since he got here. Until he can steel his resolve, win that internal struggle, and come to his own answer that he is ready and willing to share, then it's best he stay far, far away from here. I refuse to have Mokuba suffer any more than he has already..."
"Tasuku..."
Tasuku then moves exists the rooftop to return back inside the apartment, with Jack following suit. After entering the space, he moves to check his friend's phone he had left on the counter to charge. He then picks it up, ruby hues now staring in the face of a photograph of the two brothers that had been made the wallpaper, one of the pair at the construction site for Kaiba Land USA.
"What Mokuba really needs is that big brother he talks so highly of, not a selfish coward who can't own up to his own mistakes or talk things out without resorting to shouting like a child." The internal thought is accompanied by him placing the device down, a hand moving to cross over his heart as he makes yet another silent oath to himself. "And until Kaiba Seto can get his act together and become that person again, it's up to me to fill in that role as best I can in his stead, no matter how long it takes..."
#💎 Crystalized Hidden Gems (Drabble)#💎 Wonder Treasure (Tasuku Ryuenji)#💎 NPC: Wonder's Faithful Buddy (Jackknife Dragon)#💎 Vice Treasure (Mokuba Kaiba)#💎 Protective President With Eyes Of Blue (Shachou)#💎 Wonder's Game Of Life (Tasuku Yu-Gi-Oh! DM Verse)#💎 Vice's Monochromic Alternate Path (Mokuba Manga Verse)#tw long post#tw dark imagery#tw ptsd#(DAYS ON AND OFF WORKING ON THIS AND 3K WORDS LATER IT IS DONE#(the third companion drabble to this thread and the second from Tasuku's POV#(Considering his whole 'help' with death-t's aftermath and considering his job it only made sense to me he managed to sneak in and was#(There for the event. and why he isnt exactly a big fan of seto's. like you cant blame him for feeling that way#(we know SETO hates himself for what i did#(but yeah this thread was mainly to explore tasukus POV for this crucial moment and help establish his feelings before that eventual#(confrontation with kaiba he's gonna have later on in the thread#(as well as his mindset while looking after mokuba#(because ive thought about how he MIGHT be feeing and talked about it but tasuku is often a chr similiar to seto#(who is a lot better at translating those into better words via this method#(and i think this viewpoint for him that this drabble shows makes a lot of sense#(cause while he DOESNT LIKE SETO AT ALL he is well aware of mokubas codependency on him#(he just wants him to essentially 'be better' cause thats what mokuba deserves#(but he also isnt aware of all of seto's trauma and holds seto responsible like he would a parent#(cause to him if hes gonna essentially be an adult than hes gotta act like one#(so hes not gonna be happy when gao brings him cause hes not gonna be convinced setos ready to have the talk yet#(but he'll eventually relent so our boys can talk it out#(anyway i hope you enjoyed this word vomit <3
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drinking is reallyyyy fun until i get the spins every single night and morning. then it’s not so fun and i tell myself i’ll stop. and then nighttime comes around and i give up again
#booo! i just wish i could drink in a way that didn’t make me sick!#and i forgot to take my meds today but can’t take them now cause they’ll def make me sick#i’m gonna try to drink a lot of water rn tho! yeah i’m gonna try to#pink’s word vomiting
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I feel like i know all the necessaries to have good, safe sex but after that post you reblogged i would like to know what tips and advice you wish you were given for your first time, if you dont mind ofc 😅
I don’t know if i really have like ‘tips’ or advice. i think the main thing i was trying to convey with my tags was that, at least for me, all the ‘correct’ things to do didn’t prepare me for how emotionally intense having sex can be. I think i also struggled with communicating with my first partner, and that will ruin it. Above all else being able to hold an open conversation is the most important thing, not just saying the right words, but really being able to put them into action. That one has been said a million times but i had to learn the hard way how important that is.
But, to kind of reiterate, i think something that isn’t conveyed enough in like really basic sex ed(like courses that cover consent and contraceptives) is that sex is bonding, emotionally and physically and also on a chemical level. Some people will experience ‘crashes’ after sex, because emotions can get high and then they’re over and things will hit all at once. Sometimes something can feel really good in the moment too, but later you might not be so sure about it(which is where being able to have a good continual conversation about sex comes into play). I wish sex ed courses taught some kind of aftercare too, i don’t think aftercare should be seen as just a BDSM thing. Sometimes people need extra time and care after even vanilla sex and this needs to be part of the conversations you’re having with your partner. In general i think people focus a lot on how sex works, and not how it feels. It doesn’t work the same for everyone and not everyone is going to have strong emotions, but its common enough that it warrants like more discussion in my mind.
#murphy replies#idk if this makes sense im kind of word vomiting#i should also clarify a LOT of what made sex bad with my ex was that he was a hard person to say no too#he said all the ‘correct’ words but he did not act in a way that made it easy to say no to things#because it would be like A Whole Thing and we’d take two hours to get over it#because he didn’t know how to say Ok and drop something#but that’s enough of that.#anyways yeah i just wish sex ed courses covered emotions more often#all of the ones i’ve had never bothered. and i wish i’d known
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ok i need to vent.
my partner is someone who i would describe as very self-assured. he never seems to be bothered by things, especially social situations, because he quite literally understands that its all foolishness and doesnt matter in the long term so why waste effort and energy into caring about it. thats how theyve always operated and in general is not very sensitive (esp compared to me who is very hypersensitive and overly empathetic.) so it really stands out to me when certain people/situations do seem to bother him or occupy his time/energy because hes usually very flippant abt people that are rude, troublesome, toxic, etc. so why does my partner care so much abt this one girl? shes very mean, she sidelined with my bullies when they were really rude to me, shes very toxic and judgmental and has said some really shitty things to me in the past. my partner told me themselves they dont like her also. but they seem to care a lot abt how she perceives him and im confused/bothered by how much he seems to care abt her opinion. he says he doesnt, but his actions says otherwise. i wonder if hes trying to hide how much he does care becus he knows i dont like her? but like why does he care abt what she thinks in the first place. gaaah. its so complicated and it seems so minuscule but ik my partner and i can tell when he does care abt certain things and im confused as to why he seems to care a bit much abt this one person who we both agree is a terrible person. why???
#sorry. lots of my mind. sobs.#this is just a word vomit rant but yeah.#i dont even have time to unpack it becus a lot of things r happening today and im busy#but also idk how id even begin to approach this w my partner without sounding like a controlling jealous person#hes also made a weird joke abt her in the past that i had to say i wasn't comfortable with#and he didnt seem to understand how i couldve viewed it as uncomfortable#whatever whatever whayever#this is so STUPID i dont want to feel 'threatened' in my relationship but blab blah blah#p
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8 shows to get to know me
thanks for tagging me @someguywife
an excuse to talk about the shows I like? sign me the fuck up!
WARNING: A LOT OF INFO DUMBING I TRIED TO JUST SUM UP WHAT I LIKED ABOUT THESE SHOWS BUT I COULDN'T RESIST GOING ON LONG TANGENTS ABOUT THEM SO I GAVE UP ON THAT REAL QUICK
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED
1) what we do in the shadows- I mean considering how much I post about it and the fact it got me to write my first ever fanfic no shit I love this show! I mean it's got gay people, causal murder, people who have no idea wtf they're doing, vampires, weird ass CGI baby for a season, emotional devastation, did I say gay people? I will admit when I first watched the show I honestly thought it was just ok (may have to do with the fact that halfway through watching it I got sick which is funny cause when I watched the OG film I was also sick and I'm sick now while working on my fic- AM I CURSED!?) but after showing my friends the 2014 film decided to rewatch the show before showing it to them and got fucking OBSESSED. Never been a huge fan of vampire shit but now whatever vampire media I consume next HAS to have gay people in it thanks to this show. It still feels weird to have a character I like and relate to that I can kinda actually see myself in like Guillermo and while we're not 100 the same I still kinda feel seen which is fucking weird ngl. HIS COMING OUT SCENE MADE ME CRY THE SECOND TIME I WATCHED IT. (probably cause that's roughly how coming out to my parents as trans and pan went just without the whole working for vampires thing) Low key scared for what the fuck season 5 has in store :D
2) our flag means death- I fucking LOVE this show! shout out to my friend for showing it to me cause I never would have thought that a show about gay pirates would be for me. Our flag means death has just this vibe to it that has me addicted to it and the love story that I'm STILL surprised a year later they actually went through with just AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! The fact that a show that does what our flag means death does AND GET RENEWED FOR A SECOND SEASON brings a big fat smile to my face! Stede going in head first with an obsession while having no idea what he's doing is a fucking mood. can't wait for season 2 hopefully it won't leave me screaming at my screen like last season! OH YEAH I ALMOST FORGOT I'm SO glad they portrayed Mary the way they did! like they could have easily made her into an unforgivable bitch or homophobic as fuck but no I mean sure she's upset for what Stede did (if you were in her shoes you would be too) but after attempted murder and a bunch of shenanigans beforehand they talk it out and find a compromise that they both like and the fact that she's happy for him for finding love even if it's a guy and she isn't secretly jealous or disgusted by it is just *chef's kiss* so good.
3) moral orel- well let's go from modern live-action shows with gay people to a stop-motion adult cartoon from the mid 2000s! I can still remember watching this show for the first time since I binged it all in one night (by the time I finished it it was like 5am WOOPS) and I don't fucking regret it this show is just fucking fantastic. I HATE THAT IT WAS PULLED FOR BEING "TOO DARK" THE MORE I READ ABOUT WHAT THEY HAD PLANNED THAT THEY HAD TO CANCEL DUE TO THE SHOW'S CANCELLATION THE MORE PISSED OFF I GET! Like it's the darker episodes that make the show SO DAMN GOOD and memorable. HELL the episode that got the show canceled (I think it's called alone) IS ONE OF THE BEST EPISODES. The way it portrayed people handling trauma is fucking fascinating and it's a shame the episode is what got the show pulled. The season two finale two-parter I also up there as one of the greatest episodes in the show. The way the tone shifts as Clay gets more and more drunk and what went from a thing mainly played for laughs turns into a painful moment for Orel as he realizes just how awful his dad is especially when he's drunk. This isn't to say the less serious episodes aren't good. The show can be really funny when it wants to but it's just the more serious episode that leaves an impact on you. When hopping into the show for the first time I heard it was a satire show that was a parody of christian shows I was expecting every other joke to be bible bad (not a christian so I wouldn't have gotten offended but still it would have gotten tiring) but god I was relieved when I found out it was more making fun of those who use faith for all the wrong reasons then pointing the blame to an old ass book. overall 10/10 show that might not be everyone's cup of tea but I personally LOVE it. It's been a while since I last watched it but talking about it makes me wanna watch the entire show again. TL;DR: I fucking love this show and the reason it got canceled is the reason why I love it.
4) invader zim- OK time to move on to something less serious. It's also been a bit since I've last seen this show but it still has a close place in my heart. Invader zim aka the reason I have a tumblr account in the first place (though it wasn't until later when I started to actually use it. when I first made this account it was to lurk) is a nice little show I can watch and not over analyze the shit out of. (I do that a lot with shows I like) I watched this show at a very interesting time in my life. I had recently realized I was trans and had no idea how I was going to tell anyone and funnily enough a couple of days after I realized I was trans quarantine hit so needless to say it was an interesting time for me. This show and the fan stuff on tumblr for the show kept me sane. Dib was one of the first characters I ever related to and as you can tell by me still using him as my profile pic I still do. another show that the more I learn about what they had to cancel due to the show being canceled the more pissed off I get. I forget this is a kid's show half the time.
5) hannibal- I feel bad for my friends cause when I finished this show I WOULDN'T SHUT UP ABOUT IT. This show is the reason I actually use my tumblr account. (cause I paused it and it looked like Will and Hannibal were about to kiss and I needed to share it with someone and none of my friends have seen the show so I threw it onto here and the rest was history) I don't remember why I watched this show but I'm glad I did cause it's fucking great the mystery the first time you watch it and the set up of the answer the second time you watch it is just *chef's kiss* 10/10. The way they portrayed Will and Hannibal's relationship is so fascinating like it's so complex AND GAY. I WANT ANOTHER SEASON DAMN IT THAT CLIFF HANGER (hehe cliff) HAD BEEN KILLING ME EVER SINCE THE FIRST WATCH!!!!!!
6) the last of us- Ok so confession: I haven't finished the show (I have one episode left but I'm watching it with friends so it's probably going to be a bit before I watch it) BUT FUCK DO I LIKE THIS SHOW. I haven't played the games but from what I heard this is a rare video game adaptation that ISN'T dogshit so I might watch a let's play of the game after we finish it since I like the show so much. This has to be one of the most realistic representations of a zombie apocalypse I've ever seen. (granted I haven't consumed much zombie media and it could be the fact that before this the same friend is showing us the walking dead which granted CAN be good at times the way characters act most of the time at least at the point we were at before taking a break where annoying and frustrating) EPISODE 3 WAS THE FIRST TIME I EVER SOBBED AT A SHOW. Fun(?) fact: that date on the letter at the end of that episode august 29 IS MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY 😭. I'm afraid of what episode 9 has in store.
7) south park- despite having a dad who quotes this show and would watch episodes in the living room growing up it wasn't until after watching the last of us one time with friends did I ever end up watching a full episode of the show. (I forgot what episode we watched before watching south park but we all decided we needed a pick me up after it) While I'm not obsessed with this show and I haven't seen all of it (if it was possible to watch that much south park without going insane) I still like this show. Another one of those shows I can watch casually without overanalyzing it. Whenever I need a break from writing my fic or whenever I just feel like it I just pick an episode I heard was good and just watch it. The history behind this show and behind certain episodes I've always found interesting. Though I'm going to be honest for now I'm going to avoid most modern episodes cause I've heard mixed things about newer seasons. Butter's own episode, Cartman sucks, and Butters's bottom bitch has to be some of my favorite episodes. if you can't tell by my fav episodes Butters is my favorite character.
8) the owl house - FUCK YOU DISNEY THIS SHOW DESERVED BETTER!!!! Another kid's show I forget is a kid's show. the way the boiling isles are drawn hell the overall art of the show is just so fucking fantastic. THERE'S GAY IN IT!!!! LIKE ACTUAL CANONICAL GAY IN A DISNEY SHOW!!!!! I never thought I would see the day BUT HERE I AM AND AAAAAAA LUZ AND AMITY ARE SOOOO CUTE TOGETHER! KING OMFG KINGGGGGGGGGGG HE'S MY LITTLE BABY AND THE SEASON TWO FINALE MADE ME STRESS EAT FOR THE FIRST TIME. So sad that season three was cut down to three episodes. The idea that something you put a bunch of hard work into can be cut short cause someone didn't like the vibe is fucking BULLSHIT!
I would tag other people here but in the wise words of Laszlo
#wow I had a lot more then I though I had to say#also rare moment: I use punctuation in a post#yeah if you can't tell already I was kinda just writing whatever came to mind so that's why this post is as long as it is#I know the whole point of this was to write SMALL summaries on why you like the show you put down#but I can't help word vomiting when it comes to things I like!
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struggling to process today's session. I am not having a good brain day and it's deeply frustrating to Speak Wrong
#mine#lem experiences cognitive behavioural torture#well. not Wrong. just that spaghetti at wall word vomit until I find a topic I can string together multiple sentences for.#I meant to gather my thoughts the previous night but didn't#touched briefly on my fear of mental deterioration. I tried and probably failed once again to express how little I'm worried abt my body#which is frustrating in a different way bc I'm NOT as comfortable sharing my dx rap sheet as I used to be so I'm greatly understating#how much the body is zapping from me. like it's not one or two comorbidities it's like 8 and no I WON'T be seeing another specialist#''but don't you want to know what's wrong?'' I know what's wrong old man. I'm not having another 70$ copay to be told it's ''not THAT bad''#I'm getting closer to angry eye contact tho so that's nice. I hope he's the sort that would respond involuntarily to a glare.#there's so much internal discomfort and I need to expel it onto someone else#anyway I told him abt the walk w big sis and he was like ''that's p far'' ??? no?? ''it's a couple miles and a steep hile'' yes.#''that's a lot'' no? ''it is if you don't regularly do that'' ?? I agree w this statement but I cannot apply it to myself#yeah yeah going from 0 to 100 bad but ????? the goal was to coffee shop? I met the goal? why is goal moved backwards?#''you could try walking half the distance on the less steep route for a couple days'' BUT WHY#I DID THE THING#I HAVE PROVEN MYSELF CAPABLE WHY MUST I DO EXTRA#the fucking logistics of this sucks. now instead of one good day when the weather and my schedule and pain levels align... I need several??#I think this is to build up stamina and get me out of the house but holy fuck there's a reason I don't go out more often#it took a 4day weekend and a fucking miracle to go on the first walk#during my complaining he mentioned that my trouble w visual overwhelm was align w a symptom of ''one of the diagnoses your mom suspected''#and it's just A) ... duh. it's the 'tism. B) she was repeating the words of my doctor. C) why does this guy not believe I'm autistic#clearly I'm not bothering him enough. I must find a way to rectify this immediately#lem has a body
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