#lots of characters to tag i will probably do that later
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Ask Compilation: Blondes, feet, bowl-cut guardian lady.
He did not, they never had sex. But he was in love with her.
For sure. I think she struck him more like a teenager with the black hair and bangs, after the change (both visual and in attitude) she became a far more mature AND attractive person in his eyes.
PFFT, well, if you're saying they meet ALL of the criteria, I assume you mean both in looks and personality and hence be damn near his soulmate. DU drow could overlook weird feet (and a lot of other things, actually) if he were in love with the person in question. He would probably gently request they take better care of them, though.
Nothing special there, I'm afraid! He just has human-like skin - perhaps a little on the oily side but completely within the bounds of normality.
He runs a little hot, if that's anything. Oh! His hair is shockingly soft.
Correct! DU drow only (arguably) looks like a drow. He doesn't have their usual bone structure, height, or associated magical proclivities. He has some dark vision but its nowhere near as good as a drow's either.
I don't necessarily think all Bhaalspawn are the same way, but the Dark Urge IS quite different from the previous game's iterations. DU isn't simply Bhaal's child conceived with a partner, he's a piece of the god that supposedly slobbed off and grew legs and a face, pretty much. So yes, I do think that the Dark Urge at least is it's own unique thing.
The reason why he looks like a drow, is because he was placed in the Underdark upon creation. The metaphor I always use here is that if you place something infantile in a biome that is alien to it, it may try to adapt to it's environment to survive as it develops, to different degrees of success. This is why DU drow looks the way he does.
[MORE UNDER THE CUT]
You're welcome!
I've received a few snippets here that you can find through the #gift art tag! There is also the fic I'm in the process of writing called A Novel Experience on AO3.
It was just something I was compelled to do when I first drew him! The facial scars felt like they should lead into something else so I just made up a pattern on the spot, minus a tiny tweak here or there, it has stuck basically unchanged. All and any lore relating to the scars came later.
I get a lot of sweet messages but "thanks for your man's penis size" has to be one of my favorites. Thank you!
HELLO!
Thank you so much for the kind message! And that sounds like a fun dream, I love that your Tav got jealous of the attention ASTARION was receiving instead of mad that he had to share in the first place LOL
DU drow is desperately monogamous. He doesn't care what other people do with their lives but he's very much a "one and done" kind of person.
He would be willingly to participate in a threeway/have group sex with a partner, assuming the rules and regulations of said encounter were laid out clearly before or at least mutually understood between them. He would never want to see these people again after the fact though.
She does not, naturally I had no idea that this character was going to turn into anything when i made him, so I just... Made a lady. And since she was supposed to be a "guardian" I gave her a Joan of Arc type of look.
I've occasionally thought about changing this, but... Y'know, sometimes you don't need lore to be that in-depth, LOL.
The emperor gave everyone else a nondescript hottie he assumed they would trust, DU drow just got the same treatment. She's not even DU drow's type but definitely someone he would be compelled to take seriously yet not feel threatened by - so ultimately, her design does make sense.
---
That's all I have the energy for tonight folks, as always thank you for the many encouraging and sweet messages you send me, I'm sorry I can't reply to all of them! 😭
Have yourselves a great week!
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You said smith x val/sloth was one of your favorite parings with her, what are your other favorite val/sloth parings?
I pair Val with lots of others :)
Val and Smith is the recent favorite, I like the country boy/city girl vibes. They're more alike than they seem, both constantly working so hard and putting others first. Plus, I like Smith, who will readily flirt and make jokes, but crumbles at any showing of genuine reciprocated feelings. Val gives gifts and compliments and Smith just. DOESN'T know what to do about it???
I like Val paired with either of the cup brothers too.
Val with Cuphead is cute! High-school sweethearts who caused trouble together (and continue to cause trouble).
Val and Mugman is cute too, Mugman puts himself in a caretaker role in relationships, and Val gets pampered (something she desperately craves and deserves). Plus, it's slightly scandalous to me >:) Cuphead is Val’s best friend, and Mugman is his twin brother. That's spicy.
I also pair Val and Boba!! Roommates, childhood friends, they know each other better than they know themselves. Plus, Boba is more passive than the others that I normally put Val with, so Val gets to show off a more dominant side. 😌
There are a few others here and there, I think Val and Chalice is a fan favorite, Val and Mac is sooo cute, Val and Ludwig is something I wish I drew more of, Val and Gelati is a new one but just as good..
Val goes nicely with lots of others. I've said it before a few times, it's the lovecore vibes and heart motifs. She just fits perfectly next to anyone 🥰
×××
Sloth is a bit of a different story.
They're a tragedy, all of the sins are, and I try to make that clear.
I think ultimately the end goal for sins (out of their control or not) is to tempt others so deeply with something that people are willing to give up their souls to continue living the life the sins are teasing them with.
So, for instance, Sloth would show Smith how nice it can be to sleep in, to not have to work so hard, how nice it is to not have to worry about things. And Smith would be strung along and eventually be willing to give up more and more things to keep feeling that way. His friends, his job, his brother and sister, his soul.
And I don't think it's really something that the sins actively attempt to achieve or do on purpose. If that makes sense? Like I think everything Sloth does with Smith would be 100% genuine! She does want to relax with him and share drinks and laze around, because she likes him.
But it goes so fast from "just a small break" to Smith going missing for days. No one can get ahold of him, the farm is starting to die, Mac is struggling to get Goldie to and from school. Things are falling apart.
But Smith is finally relaxing.
He's ignoring his responsibilities, and he can't find it in himself to care about the consequences, because it feels too damn good.
And that's just a result of Sloth's nature.
#fizzles answers#anon#anonymous#lots of characters to tag i will probably do that later#<- definitely is not going to do it later
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Okay I have a lot of thoughts about this season, and maybe bc I never played lol that this season felt like a mess to me but I think a lot of it was due to poor writing choices,
Jayce calling Mel out for “manipulating” is insane to me. When he doesn’t hold the same sentiment for Cassandra or Victor (who was the one to allegedly give him that stone in the first place?). He acts like he had no control of his actions and I guess it’s easier for him to pin the blame on someone else than admit his faults.
Mel is a politician, he knew that when he met her. She did not make it a secret that she was basically sponsoring his research. But at the same time, she was one of the few people who advised him against making hextech weapons specifically, and went out of the way to make sure that that technology did not fall into the hands of bad actors.
however, it was Jayce and his poor decisions that kept making hextech weapons even though it went agonist his ethos, he even made weapons for Caitlyn’s special strike team, something Mel did not tell him to do lol,
like this entire time Jayce was able to use Mel’s statues and influence to get what he wants (social capital etc)
and when they get together romantically, Mel only treats him as an equal, supports his ideas (which basically let’s him do what he wants on the council bc of her influence), and is a source of emotional comfort.
so it’s really strange that he starts to view her as someone who used him, we never really see Mel confiding in Jayce besides that one time which served as a way to give the audience insight to her backstory. She’s always the comforting him, the one providing for him etc, she even serves as a buffer for Jayce against the manipulation from others, so to have him pin all the blame on her is so deranged to me lol
I also fill like the narrative of the story does nothing to counter his claims, they don’t address the other actors in the corruption of hextech for warfare (*cough cough* Caitlyn lol)
there were interesting places they could take this, there were interesting ways to explore this dynamic, but instead it got boiled down to Jayce pinning the blame on someone else because he refuses to live with the consequences of his own creations
#mel medarda#mel arcane#arcane s2 spoilers#arcane criticism#Not tagging other characters bc it’s not about them#but yeah the fact that Mel and kabru are treated the exact same by fandom is driving me insane#and this has nothing to do with the fact that they didn’t end up together in the show#like I don’t really care about that#I care about her being treated as some evil manipulator when she was just doing her god dame job#Like smh#I have a lot of thoughts and will probably edit this post later#if you see any misspellings no u don’t 🥰
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can i just say. and this is probably a niche hill to die on. that i am so gobsmacked every time someone vaguely hints at the idea that jotaro doesn't care meaningfully for the other crusaders, usually particularly kakyoin and joseph, when those two actually tend to be the ones he reacts to being hurt the hardest
like he cares for his loved ones!!!! that literally plays into his character motives in every single part he shows up in!!! stop lying to me!!!!!!!
#me.txt#jjba#i'm going to ramble in tags actually. excuse me#ok. rereading sdc and so confused at the general perception of jotaro and his friends/family. he's not NEARLY as flat or as dickish#i understand that the anime (particularly the dub) tends to slander him but even then he still clearly cares for them! i'm confused#i also understand that a lot of people dig against jotaro and kakyoin as a dynamic because 'they're popular' and that generally disliking#popular things across media is a thing that i've seen consistently everywhere but the discredit to them simply as a DUO and not even as a#pairing is so..... odd..... like they're considered to be a duo that clicks for a reason. i enjoyed them even before i got into the fandom#every time i see someone say jotaro is overrated/dull i take a shot and assume they're an anime-only or only read the manga like once btw#joseph and jotaro also have a neat dynamic and they obviously both love and care for each other. like they're not going to go around loudly#or anything but literally the entirety of the lovers and the prelude to the dio fight IS jotaro being worked up over joseph getting hurt#equally i don't know if it translates to the anime as much but joseph is VERY complimentary when it comes to jotaro. like he sings his#praises so often and reminds everyone that he's his grandson so frequently (d'arby the gamer is a good example of this). either way it's so#peculiar....... there's not enough avdol and jotaro content btw (also in canon) because jotaro obviously looks up to him and avdol jokes#around with him on the occasion they interact after their intro which doesn't start very well. it's very cute#i do think an important thing to note about jotaro's character is how he acts AFTER his intro because he's so drastically different. early#jotaro and later jotaro aren't the same character and i do not mean this in a character development way. excluding the jail incident he's#completely different and probably shouldn't really be taken into account (especially considering the amount of slapstick in araki's intros)#and i think that's really???? what people center on for his character? Which sucks balls bad!#anyways. i could ramble more about this if asked i have so much to say but sigh. jotaro cares so much for his friends and family he's not a#flat fully cold asshole character regardless of whether you watch the anime or ova or read the manga. you just have poor media literacy#i wouldn't recommend watching solely the anime for his character though. the dub also changes a lot so it's... questionable#i love the anime and it's still important for him though. also adds neat stuff. i need to stop myself. i have many thoughts on the matter#jotaro kujo#joseph joestar#noriaki kakyoin#adding in case anyone sees: i am not saying that he is perfect about this. in fact he is very ass about it with jolyne and holly and that's#very important. he also is in fact an asshole sometimes. NOT as much as you guys are making him though!#please don't get me started on how much of a dick etc people make kakyoin to veer away from the 'woobified' characterizations of him#in fact i think that's bad if not worse because it CLAIMS to be in character. hes a prim asshole at times but not that angry or dishevelled
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live drama adaptations part 2 (prev)
cast reveal and girls movie night 🔥
#i actually had the first three pages done for like. months now. and then i just forgot 🧍♂️#theres one more part to this but as to when ill finish that. haha#duck scribbles#minicomic tag#midoyuzu#and a bit of tomohaji on the side#doodles#enstars#midori takamine#hajime shino#yuzuru fushimi#tori himemiya#ibara saegusa#this is. a lot better quality than the first initial one amsdkjgshdgsmd i kindaa wanna redo it but its already a multiple part one i dont#think ill do that to myself rn akjdgskjwkjgjkd#its been 8 months i doubt anyone would remember the initial one but its ok u dont have to read it#i completely made up this manga and am now a little sad its not a thing that exists#i wish haruno was a real character i could post mangacaps of#thought too hard about it and there isnt any way to fit it into here but there is also a fourth character harunos childhood gyaru friend#also in love w her. she ends up having some sort of alliance with naoto but obviously its in vain too but its all chill#manga ends with haruno opening her dream cafe and asahi later joins her there after training a new team to take care of their old one#naoto becomes a regular there also w his new bf :] happy ending !!!#wow i have drawn Way too much lately. forgive me for such behavior ill probably be posting a lot less from here on out askjdgksjhgs#needed the food for when im away from my laptop for a week....#guess ill never get to finish that other lil comic i had planned for that sleepover drawing i made back during rarepair week </3#does anyone actually read these anyhow. i talk too much maybe
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Saiouma Puella Magi AU, but Kokichi takes Madoka's role and Shuichi takes Homura's.
For one, Kokichi's too naturally distrustful to just hear "I can grant you any wish :)" and not think ok where's the hook. So he just does what no one ever has & essentially interrogates Kyubey, so he knows it all even before he gets to make a contract. So, some of his classmstes are MGs & he won't become one himself BUT he still ends up tagging along to just protect them in his Kokichi ways. (Though I'm entertaining Kokichi lying about being a magical girl, because, well, it's Kokichi).
(I also got a small idea of Gonta being a magical girls and Kokichi originally tagging along him into labyrinths, Gonta also makes him a magic gun from the toy one he had, and at some point witches out & Kokichi manages to kill him with that gun. So he always has that spare Grief Seed on himself, bc it's still his best friend & he can't handle the idea of just giving it away or using it himself (he does anyway in the end).)
Shuichi prolly ends up being a new kid & it isn't like MadoHomu, the ppl who reach him first are Kaede & Kaito, classic. Kokichi's there, too, but he's his usual sus self. He's actually discouraging ppl from making a contract when they find out magic and miracles are real, which absolutely includes Shuichi. He's very vocal abt it, but he won't explain stutf, bc 1) he's a liar, so who'd believe him? and 2) he doesn't want them to witch out upon finding out the truth or, idk, murder everybody Mami-style.
Anyway, fast forward, bad things happen bingo & by the end of the run most charas are dead, there's Walpurgis nachting, and he makes his wish to bring back the ppl who died notably not as magical girls. Contract signed, he fights & fails, rip. I also thought it was similar to how he thought he could end the killing game by himself - he though he could finish Walpurgisnacht by himself, too. And he failed in both times. Whatevs.
Shuichi doesn't actually make his time travel wish for Ouma specifically, he wants to save all his friends. Timelines are messy esp at first bc he either tells then or it backfires or just makes himself look very sus bc he's trying not to tell them. He also realizes why Kokichi hadn't told anybody aby witches at some point, bc, yeah, it messes them a lot, assuming they believe it.
Still, Kokichi ends up one of the few people who are nearly always giving him a chance, not necessarily out of belief, but out of pragmatism - bro can stop time & knows the truth, that's just too useful. So they often work together & Shuichi grows closer to him but still we ain't there yet. But the thing is, Shuichi's time travel still makes Kokichi more & more powerful with each timeline, bc Shuichi usually goes back after Kokichi dies, so the universe figured out this guy's life's important. Anyway, another notable thing is the iconic Homura kills Madoka scene, but it's Saiouma with guest stars of Kaito & Maki. It's Walpy, it's not defeated yet, but the training trio are spent & just kinda accept their fate of turning into witches together. And then, boom, Kokichi appears & steals their Soul Gems for a sec & he's like did u know you can cleanse your Soul Gem with a darkened one? But it's a lie & he quickly tells them so, he just had a spare Grief Seed after cleansing his Soul Gem & he needs them to do some stuff. Shuichi can travel back in time & fix things, and Maki & Kaito are needed to fight Walpy here. He actually questions what happens to the timelines Shuichi leaves behin, and ofc he doesn't know. There's a chance they remain, so Kokichi needs Maki & Kaito to fight Walpy here.
Kaimaki leave, and Shuichi finally looks at Kokichi & realizes sth is Wrong. Kokichi struggles to hide how he's trembling & grimacing, and it's Kokichi, so obviously it must be extremely bad. Shuichi dreadfully realizes something worse, and he weakly asks Kokichi why aren't his wounds healing. And Kokichi just falls, laughing weakly, and Shuichi catches him & searches for his Soul Gem and, God, he knew it. It's nearly completely black. Kokichi laughs & admits he lied abt having two Grief Seeds, he only had one he never wanted to use. But they'll have the second one soon, so no need to worry. He asks Shuichi to maybe destroy his witch form as it's hatching, so he'll have the Grief Seed without any fighting… and he admits that he hates fighting, he hates this magical world and all its violence. He says that Kaito was right in calling him a coward, even here he just can't handle the idea of fighting any longer, he's so sorry. And Shuichi tells him he ISN'T a coward. He was scared, but he always followed everybody, trying to help, and when push came to shove he would always make a contract for the benefit of others rather than himself. He's a lot of things, but a coward isn't one. Kokichi actually tears up hearing that, and Shuichi promises he won't let him fight ever again, and especially he won't let him turn into a witch and hurt anybody, because he knows it's the last thing he's ever wanted. Even now he only accepts turning into a witch to help them fight to keep others safe. So Shuichi won't let him. Kokichi probably apologizes and thanks him and then he dies.
Keeping Kokichi from fighting starts off as a side quest that gains importance with time, bc it's something Shuichi won't compromise on (ah, trauma), which leads him to occassionally neglect others a bit, which makes them more likely to get hurt & ironically Kokichi more likely to make a contract, especially since he gets more powerful & Kyubey is more interested in him with each timeline. And that also makes him witch out super quick. Shuichi's paying more attention to him & over time grows resentful of others for how they're treating him. To Shuichi it's no question that Kokichi cares & is just doing his best to help, but nobody realizes that.
But the biggest obstacle in keeping Kokichi from fighting is actually Kokichi himself, bc he's too smart and nosy, lmao. Even if he knows nothing, he will find out quickly. Doesn't help that Kyubey wants him to make a contract.
Also, obviously Kaito is Sayaka-coded and Maki could be Kyouko-coded, so that's a thing, BUT it's usually Maki that witches out. Kaito is usually pretty close, but Kokichi intervenes & he survives, but Maki later cracks on her own (and since in the new timeline Kokichi isn't there, Kaito's the one to die, so he's still the secretary). So it's Kaito who gets the dramatic sacrifice. I imagine he genuinely hoped you could bring somebody back if you tried Very Hard & Kokichi called him a moron bc obviously it's not possible. If it was there'd be far less witches that there are. But it's Kaito, he doesn't listen to reason. So, Kokichi follows him to the labyrinth. At first Kaito's mad cuz what if Kokichi being there ruins the plan? Maki hates his guts! But eventually he gets hit pretty hard, and Kokichi is near immediately by his side, trying to help him get up, which kinda makes Kaito short circuit a little bc wait Kokichi's trying to help? But witch!Maki attacks them & Kokichi pushes Kaito away & gets caught himself (and choked until unconsciousness, naturally). Anyway, Kaito gets him away, Shuichi catches Kokichi & Kaito makes up his mind about going down with Maki & asks Shuichi to tell Kokichi that he's sorry. He doesn't get him, but he got hurt trying to protect him, so he'll believe in that if nothing else. F.
As for The WishTM, in the last timeline Shuichi lashes out at Kokichi for his willingness to just become part of the system. In no timeline has his wish actually helped, it did NOTHINHG, which OUCH but it also makes Kokichi think out of the box more & he becomes the Law of Cycles. And Shuichi realizes what is happening & freaks out bc Kokichi's doing it bc of what he told him & like Homura they end up having a momentTM in space & Shuichi remembers. He feels a lot of guilt even tho he also questions whether anything was real, but if it was, he pushed somebody he far too realized he loved into erasing himself from existence.
#hope it's not too long but i'll make it a read more if somebody thinks it is#i spammed discord i spammed bsky it's only fair i post it on tumblr too#kokichi ouma#shuichi saihara#saiouma#danganronpa#like obviously normally you'd go for something like Kokichi as Homura and Shuichi as Madoka and I'm just not that sure of it myself#like the vibes match at the first glance but the more I think about it the less it actually works for the characters in question#one of Kokichi's most defining chracteristics is that he cares a lot about everybody and frankly more than probably any other V3 character#but in a very... general sense if you get me. characters like Kaito and even Shuichi pick some people they like to care for and everybody#else is like whatever - sucked but now it's done like after Korekiyo's execution he says nothing abt him while both Makoto & Hajime offer#Celeste and Mikan some more thoughts and compassion; anyway obviously Kokichi doesn't care about say Kaede more than Shuichi but he still#gives all their lives the same amount of respect just for the sake of it; that's what makes chapter 4 so horrifying from his perspective#and also why in chapter 5 he isn't willing to do the same anymore and instead chooses to die himself so Maki of all people can survive and#so Kaito can go in a blaze of glory. and these two are arguably the two characters who treated him the worst (not that anybody treated him#well save for maybe Gonta and Kiibou). so i can't imagine Kokichi in Homura's role - reaching the point where he cares about only one perso#surviving while everybody else can die in a ditch bc the one time he picked his life over anybody else's he had a wholeass breakdown & then#killed himself several days later even though logically it would've made more sense to either kill Kaito who's dying anyway or throw Maki#under the bus since she was the one to fuck things up in the first place and proved herself to be a danger to the group.#Shuichi meanwhile he absolutely could given his lack of regard for some of the dead (Rantaro Ryouma idk abt Angie but I remember little#Korekiyo Miu and finally Kokichi himself) so he could snap at some point#anyway time to shut up it's getting long in these tags
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these are all kind of Bad but this was the best of the bunch so i am posting it :p
i've been trying to draw vanessa more... she is so important to me... sun is here too i guess
#my art#probably wont tag this until later i dont want this in the tags#im mainly posting this because i absolutely need to talk abt something its been bothering me for awhile#im gonna censor this stuff (i REALLY dont want this in the tags) so just bear with me#why doesnt the 🌞&🌜 fandom talk abt v/nessa more. why do we not do that#their entire character is meant to parallel her#there's like a million tiny parallels for them in the games. they were both teased in the hw1 dlc and are both associated with that#🐰 & 🌜's animations (and even their designs) have several similarities to each other#there's a lot of cutscenes and parts of sb where one shows up after the other does.. 🐰 going to the daycare after greggy leaves#🌜 dragging feddy away to parts and service and v/nessa immediately showing up there#the entire 6am ending sequence ???#literally like the only reason v/nessa isnt more popular is bc like 90% of her character is hidden in unused content#and because 🌞&🌜 are the skinny handsome mysterious and tragic tumblr sexymen#and when they become so isolated from their source all of their parallels to her are used to instead repackage her character into a more#appealing design for everyone to fawn over and consume#.. im being dramatic but AuUGGHTHHF IT BOTHERS ME SO MUCH PLEAAAE3 pleaseee please i love her.#its so hard being in the 'i want to kiss this robot' fandom when you dont actually want to kiss the robot#i just think theyre an interesting character 😭 and also my adhd brain obsesses over them endlessly so im just stuck here HFJSJGJD#anyway these tags got way too long dont read these. im going to bed now
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hmmmm mal du pays thoughts tonight
#radio rambles#i should go to bed but. it is on the mind#isat spoilers#<- for the . wall of tags to come#imm wondering what most people hc mdp to like. be#i know its most popular to see it as siffrins sadness. i do think thats p neat#and probably the intention#but im. juggling around the idea of? siffrin system moment? mdp as a headmate? if yall see that vision?#most inspired by that ‘do u hc this character as a system’ post abt siffrin#and i voted no then but now im like genuinely changing my mind JFKFKF#it makes sense in a way. and into my mdp hc that it. wouldve split while sif was very young#splitting due to stress which leads to a lot of. gestures vaguely. mdp’s whole thing#a mix of stress but also this sense of longing to. belong somewhere. to not be alone#many years ago it was about the loss of their home. and much later on became more related to its feelings towards their family#mdp is a scared child to me . idk about yalls hcs for it but thats what im sticking to#a scared child who maybe grew up a little alongside the body. but still Young and Scared#its not as often or eager to front as siffrin is. i can imagine it being much more hover-y or . POSSIBLY. cohosting if its feeling up to it#uhm. ok well#so i typed this out and now im actually really sad about mdp jgkdkf where is mdp recovery#now im kinda thinking about it fronting for once to properly meet the party and. and receiving comfort. and and and#wow christ im upset#also also glancing over at marias sibling au for character dynamics here��.. sillies…..#ps not relevant to my mdp thoughts but fyi im imagining siffin in headspace looks very much like their body#the difference being. much darker clothes. more stars etc. maybe different hair#think like how a lot of ppl style their human loops. thats kinda how i imagine sif in headspace#SPEAKING OF LOOP#i think given the time he spent with them it woulf make sense if they split a loop as well#and ofc other members of the party jgkfkf#im not gonna get into my hcs there because ill b taking away from my mdp hc post BUT#thinking. always thinking
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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Gravity Falls Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Dipper Pines & Mabel Pines, Dipper Pines & Stan Pines, Dipper Pines & Mabel Pines & Stan Pines, Dipper Pines & Mabel Pines & Dipper and Mabel Pines' Parents, Dipper Pines & Dipper and Mabel Pines' Parents, Jesus "Soos" Alzamirano Ramirez & Dipper Pines, Mabel Pines & Stan Pines, Jesus "Soos" Alzamirano Ramirez & Mabel Pines, Jesus "Soos" Alzamirano Ramirez & Dipper Pines & Mabel Pines, Alcor the Dreambender & Mizar the Gleeful, Dipper Pines & Original Character(s), Alcor the Dreambender & Original Character(s) Characters: Dipper Pines, Mabel Pines, Dipper & Mabel Pines' Parents, Stan Pines, Jesus "Soos" Alzamirano Ramirez, Belle Sterling, Lionel Sterling, Noie, Naomi "Noie" Argenta, Alcor the Dreambender, Mizar the Gleeful Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Transcendence (Gravity Falls), Character Study, Introspection, Character Analysis, Dark Thoughts, Family Feels, Familial Issues, Family Issues, The Mindscape, The Mindscape (Gravity Falls), Dipper Pines Needs A Hug, Demon Dipper Pines, dipper is between a darker phase and a lighter phase, leaning more towards dark, Protective Dipper Pines, Dark Dipper Pines, Dipper Pines is a Mess, I wrote this fic because I love dipper, and wanted to analyze him some, Also while I want him to be happy, I do also love angst and to see my faves suffer some too, like dipper, And Thus This Fic Was Born, Oh I almost forgot to tag this, Angst Summary:
Dipper has some time alone in the Mindscape.
And his mind then wanders.
He does not enjoy it.
#chatxkilluaxnoir#chat's fics#my own writing#my own fics#alright here is that fic i was talking about that i was working on#specifically a gravity falls one#and even more specifically a gravity falls tau one#i am really proud of it!#even with such a shorter fic like this one#i can still be a perfectionist#and had a lot of stuff to tag#a lot of stuff to say in the notes#like my progress/some behind the scenes stuff for the fic#and etc.#i also try to put a lot of care and attention into (most of) my stuff. and this fic was no different.#and if anything due to what and who i was talking about. i probably put even more care into this. and tried to be attentive to detail.#will hopefully probably post the tumblr version (not just sharing the link to the ao3 v. but posting the whole fic on here) on here later.#gf#gravity falls#tau#transcendence au#transcendence-au#the book of bill#the book of bill spoilers#dipper pines#alcor the dreambender#mr. and mrs. pines#other characters mentioned#check out the fic if you can! and if you do; i hope you enjoy it!! ^_^#chat's posts
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Wanna ramble about a moment/character in ninjago you think people need to talk about more?
I don't know who you are anon, but I'm glad you asked!
I am desperate for people to character-analyze Wu. I'm desperate for a lot of character analysis including Nya but since I got a lot of my Nya feelings out with some lovely folks the other night (edit: the other night was a month ago dw about it. this took a minute) I'm going with Wu this time
Master Wu to me is such an interesting case of a character who it is so easy to ignore the bits of the show that hint at his wider issues and traumas. He is a man defined heavily by his family and by his past. A lot of criticism he gets, I think, is due in part to that.
I've mentioned before that I've been rewatching S1 with a friend of mine and intermittently pausing to infodump on them about interesting character things I notice from that season. A lot of that has been Wu-focused because despite having seen RotS dozens of times throughout my life (watching it on CN, watching it on Netflix when only it and Legacy were around, rewatching it with friends) I have only just started noticing the seeds of character written in.
I might also just be reading too much into things, but hear me out
In S1 (and by extension, the pilots), Wu is characterized as your typical old wise teacher. In the first few minutes of EP1: Rise of the Snakes, he is chewing out the Ninja for playing video games instead of training. The line he uses? "Never put off until tomorrow what can be done today."
It's a line that gets repeated throughout the series. In fact, it gets repeated that very episode when the ninja go (pun not intended) to fight the Hypnobrai and a literal pre-teen. At first, it seems to just be a piece of wisdom. Some old proverb Wu's picked up over the years, possibly one he even coined himself. However, in EP7: Tick Tock, Wu tells the story of who, possibly, first told him this.
(Source: Tick Tock/Transcript | Ninjago Wiki | Fandom, highlight added.)
It was Garmadon. Now, I'm not gonna dwell too long on Garmadon, if you spend five minutes talking to me you'll learn he was the first character whose story I obsessed over and I want this essay to be about Wu, but I think he plays a role in Wu's overall story, as does Wu's family as a whole.
Prior to this, Wu and Garmadon's relationship has been more of a sibling rivalry taken to a good vs. evil extreme. We didn't know why Garmadon was evil and we didn't know about Wu and his relationship as kids. However, this scene establishes the backstory. They were, as Wu puts it, "the best of friends." That is, until Garmadon gets bit by the Devourer going to get the katana Wu lost.
Now, I know the Devourer bite was destined to happen because of the Overlord or some shit, but Wu doesn't. As far as he's concerned, Garmadon getting bit was a direct consequence of both his mistake and his cowardice. He lost the katana. He was too scared to get it. Garmadon went over instead. Garmadon got bit.
The scene goes on to show the FSM tending to Garmadon in the aftermath. Wu is watching from behind the door, likely told to stay back, but concerned. And in his POV, we get this intense moment, where Garmadon turns, looks directly at him (his eyes turning bright red for the first time), and says "It's all Wu's fault!"
(This clip should begin at the start of Wu eavesdropping. If it doesn't, skip to 0:58. I highly recommend also paying attention to Wu's body language during this scene.)
The camerawork does a great job of showing how this probably felt for Wu. It zooms in, Garmadon's voice echoes, and the background blurs. We see in the flashback that this is a moment Wu has etched into his memory. Not to mention, he was likely a very young child when this happened. LEGO characters' ages are weird, but Wu in this scene has the Big Eyes, which always seem to be used for characters under 12. We don't know exactly how much older Garmadon is to my knowledge, but he doesn't have the Big Eyes, so he's probably closer to 12 and a few years older than Wu for sure.
Imagine that. Being in elementary school and your older siblings gets hurt. They're acting strange. They're lashing out at your father. Then, they blame it all on you. They're hurt because of you. Wouldn't you internalize that?
I could go on about Wu's relationship with Garmadon, but again, I think I've spent enough time on it and I don't want to only focus on that. It's an important part, but there are others.
Let's talk about Wu's relationship with his dad.
Now, I have not yet read the Spinjitzu Brothers series. I cannot speak to any development of Wu and the FSM's relationship in there. I have, however, read The Book of Spinjitzu and blogged some of my thoughts on it here, including some of what it says about Wu.
For those who haven't read it, first, there is a Google Drive folder floating around with all of the canon spinoff books/graphic novels in it. Here's the link if you wanna read them!
The FSM is an... intriguing figure. I mean, in the series he's basically god? He made the entire world. That's already a very high bar to live up to. Then, in Book of Spinjitzu, there's a few specific parts that, when I read them, signaled that Wu internalized a specific message when he was young.
(Source: The Book of Spinjitzu, Page 3).
Wu does not want to disappoint his father. It is up to him (and Garmadon until he turns evil) to "uphold the legacy of Spinjitzu" and, by extension, his family. He says he was "very young" when this was explained to him. Considering he seems to already be training at an elementary age, "very young" means VERY young.
(Source: The Book of Spinjitzu, Page 16).
Here, we again see Wu being very aware that he has some large burden to carry. Something else interesting here is that the thought of the Green Ninja Prophecy is already weighing on him too. His considering if he might be the Green Ninja is of extra interest because of how the Green Ninja Prophecy and the--I wouldn't call it obsession, possibly fixation?--with who it is factors into his later actions, but we'll get to that later.
(Source: The Book of Spinjitzu, Page 19).
This one in particular gets me because it comes after Wu mentions Garmadon becoming more evil. It is a statement of power. Wu knows that the legacy of Spinjitzu now rests in his hands alone. He cannot let himself fall the way Garmadon did. He cannot disappoint his father. Whether or not the FSM intended it, Wu always knew the fate of the world rested, at least in part, upon his shoulder. He knew this from the time he was a young boy and it remains in his mind to this day.
Now, these quotes are indirect, but they all point to one clear idea: As a child, Wu internalized the idea that he alone is responsible for keeping Ninjago safe. He will play a pivotal role in its history.
There's not evidence in this book that the FSM's was a bad father, per se. However, just because one doesn't set out to harm their children, doesn't mean they won't. I often say Wu has an "Atlas complex," which I have no idea if it is an actual concept but use it to refer to this idea. Wu feels as though he is responsible for holding up the world, much like Atlas. He must keep the balance, he must solve the Green Ninja prophecy, he must make his father proud.
(Source: The Book of Spinjitzu, page 61).
I'm going to get further into what this means for Wu as a teacher to the current Ninja Team, but for now let's look at Wu's first foray into teaching.
Morro. Wu's Biggest Mistake.
That might seem like an overstatement, but it's not.
(Source: Ghost Story/Transcript | Ninjago Wiki | Fandom)
Okay he says regret, not mistake, but I was paraphrasing.
Let's turn back to his quote about his destiny. Wu writes, "Is my life's mission to be the Green Ninja? Or maybe it will be to find the Green Ninja and protect him (or her)??"
From a very young age, Wu was not only aware of the Green Ninja but prophecy but also thinking about his place in it. We see this again when he takes Morro in and trains him.
(Source: Ghost Story/Transcript | Ninjago Wiki | Fandom, highlight added)
A big thing Wu is criticized for here is making Morro believe he is meant to be more. That he is the Chosen One. And Morro, being a young homeless orphan just now given some semblance of power and protection, latches onto that. And I can see it, but when you take into account the above that he was trained from (likely) a younger age than Morro and given a similar level of responsibility, it becomes more understandable. Wu is just doing what he was taught. He doesn't believe that he is harming Morro until it is too late.
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This is the entire story, but I'm specifically going to be discussing 1:36 onwards here. I also wanted to add that rewatching this scene made me lay down on the floor! What the fuck! But I digress.
There's a lot going on in this scene. For one, Wu washing his hands of Morro in some ways, but not others. He turns his back on Morro when he tells him that destiny has decided, but looks at him again when Morro storms out. He goes to save Morro from the Grundal, but decides that he cannot "teach those who would not listen." Most importantly, when Morro leaves to go find the Tomb of the FSM, Wu leaves the door open. He waits for Morro to return, but never goes after him. And Morro never comes back.
Wu gives Morro's fate a dismissive response at the end of his ghost story ("I am saddened he was banished to the Cursed Realm") but it's clear he still cares deeply about him in the finale of the season.
youtube
Wu's VA in this is phenomenal btw. That "Please Morro!" and "MORRO!" make my heart ache.
Morro believed Wu stopped caring, but he didn't. Even after all he's done, even after trying to destroy all of Ninjago--destroying what Wu had spent his life trying to protect--Wu tries to save him. He begs for Morro to come with him. Morro refuses, Wu watches him perish.
Someone else Wu is close to is gone. Wu again considers himself responsible. Everything is his fault.
And finally, we reach Wu today. A cautious, secretive man. He loves his students, this much is clear. Even as early as the pilots, he drops his wise teacher persona to joke around with them.
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As with Morro, he trains them like his father did him. He even uses the same methods his father used when he trains them.
(Source: The Book of Spinjitzu, page 32)
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While he is hard on the Ninja, wanting them to succeed and training them to help defend the Realm, he lets his guard down more than it seems he did with Morro. He also learned a valuable message from his experience with Morro when he hides the Green Ninja Prophecy from the Ninja, getting angry when they start to push themselves in the same way Morro did upon learning about it. It's clear he doesn't want a repeat.
Now, I can't speak for later seasons (I will eventually) but this fear of repeats, his students going down a dark path because they're tempted by power or greatness, losing someone else, likely drives Wu not telling them other important information. That is just a passing thought though.
Final notes:
I'm currently in the process of rewatching S7: Hands of Time. I actually got this ask right after finishing EP68: Scavengers, which opens with Wu having a nightmare. In it, he and Misako are walking outside of Yang's temple. While walking, Misako delivers this line in response to Wu reminiscing about the time they've spent together:
(Source: Scavengers/Transcript | Ninjago Wiki | Fandom)
This line, to me, is Wu's subconscious trying to tell him something he needs to hear. It's hinting at what might be his greatest flaw. Wu is haunted by his past, by his mistakes. He finds it difficult to tell others because of both his guilt and his desire to not put that worry upon them. In this very season, he makes the mistake of trying to face his past on his own, and he nearly dies for it.
In the same episode, you see Wu trying to make sure Lloyd doesn't make the same mistakes.
(Source: Prev)
Wu stresses the important of the team. It's as if he sees Lloyd blaming himself for what happened to Wu, sees him doing the same thing Wu has, and is trying to prevent him from doing the same thing. This is further emphasized when, after Wu falls asleep (well, fakes falling asleep), Lloyd says "Wu's mistake was going in alone. So was mine."
Master Wu is, like many characters in this show, someone who is more complex than meets the eye. He is not just a wise, old teacher. He is a man who, throughout his life, has made mistakes and carries the weight of each of them on his shoulders. He is a man who tasks himself with making up for those every day. He is a man who wants better for his students, his family.
Until the day he dies, he will guide and protect his students. And possibly? Even after death too.
#ninjago#lego ninjago#master wu#long post#anon tag#this made my day i looooooooooooooove character analysis#i know a lot of what i post about it may not encompass the full series but i just think that makes it more fun tbh#i'm working with what i have and later i may come back to this and add even more things#i'm also very passionate about wu analysis as a former wu hater because i think the fact that his character stuff is so buried#leads to a lot of the hate#Why didn't he tell the ninja things? well he told morro things and look how that turned out#he grew up believing the weight of the world was on his shoulders#in one way or another#i won't lie and say the man does not make mistakes#but like i mention in s7 when he does he is fucking haunted by them#he is not breaking the generational trauma but he is damn well making an attempt for someone who probably doesn't realize he has it#p.s i tried to add image desc to each ss to make it more accessible but if i messed it up please let me know!#i spent way too much time on this#somebody do a word count i'm curious but too tired to copy this all into docs#falls over#part 2 of this is just the dark island trilogy but i think i'm gonna wait to do that#this took so long and the words are now refusing to words#thank you for reading#i need to take a nap after writing this I feel physically spent#please enjoy another rook branded ramble disguised as a comprehensive essay#other essayists bring you professionalism and academic vibes#i scream into the void and put way too many links o7#happy birthday ninjago!!!! i finished this in honor of you hopefully it is worthy
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Ajin Week 2023 Day 1: Black Matter
Almost a whole month late to Ajin week but...hahaha heyyy...
#ajin#ajinweek23#izumi shimomura#my art#wibbleart#rambles in the tags#I WILL TRY TO CATCH UP#had finals and then my hand decided to protest against all that typing and got sore.....#i have art planned out but i might just save the idea and do them later#will be posting the days out of order tho#so many amazing pieces its so wonderful to see the characters so loved#have lots q'ed#drip feeding to not spam looool#i keeping doing this thing when i do trad art where i see smth wrong before inking and just go AWWW NOT A BIG DEAL AND INK ANYWAY#AND THEN REGRET NOT FIXING IT#IT ALWAYS HAPPENS BRO JUST FIX IT#'i'll probably regret this' *regrets it*#silly goose#anyway her face is kind slanted sdkfndsjkf#im sorry queen
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I sometimes feel like characters who do truly monstrous things while also having been victims of some pretty insane shit themselves are sort of an exercise in empathy. Or at least, should be seen as such.
Like, in real life, if a person who has been horribly broken by their experiences and failed by society than proceeds to rape someone - it's hard to feel the justifiable sympathy/empathy for that person (without excusing their rape, never do that) because well, you can look at this actual human person they hurt, or worse, and it feels gross and disrespectful to the rape victim.
And this is understandable. (And applies to more than just rapists/rape victims of course, that's just the most visceral one and thus picked for that reason)
But a fictional rape victim is... fictional. You can't 'disrespect' their trauma, and while obviously rape/whatever else is real, and people may related to the rape victim and thus see your comments about the rapist also being a victim as somehow being about their experience...
Well, it's not.
Because the rapist here, didn't actually hurt a real person. Fictional characters are objects. They're objects that often grab us by the throat and refuse to leave our fucking heads, yes, but they're objects. They are tools used by writers to tell a story, and readers to tell a story.
And one of the things fictional characters are good for is allowing us to consider experiences we never had, and imagine ourselves in other circumstances and lives. (Also just fun and fascinating and interesting to watch their stories).
It's very easy to feel for the rape victim in fiction, and rightly so. That's Level 1 Empathy there. Granted, some people IRL fail that, but that's not really what we're talking about here.
Advanced Empathy, hard Empathy is feeling for the rapist. Not for the rape, of course, even if they feel guilt about it, but if someone really was failed on multiple levels and was broken and damaged and went through the sort of psychological wringer that would leave most of us here on tumblr catatonic - they do deserve the same Empathy any human (any person) who went through all that.
Even after they also do the bad thing, critically they still deserve Empathy. And that is fucking hard. I very often have a hard time feeling bad for truly awful people who also deserve empathy and sympathy, real and even fictional (despite all this, yeah, I'm not perfect on this) for what they (separately) went through.
It also becomes even harder when what they went through is utterly bound up with what they did. How what they went through and experiences is in part responsible for what they did - because they still made a choice. The circumstances may have left them not in their right mind, may have left them feeling without choice, may have driven them to things they normally might not think of or do, but they still chose to do that bad thing. And that's not okay. They still hurt someone.
And yet - one cannot remove the action from the circumstances. So you can still feel empathy, and elucidate all the factors and circumstances as to what led up to their choices and why, and it doesn't change that they did the horrible thing. The rape, or the murders, or whatever.
But circling back - with a fictional character... they didn't hurt a real person. There's no one who is real that suffered. The things the character did IRL are bad because they hurt real people.
So you're not being disrespectful to the victim by feeling that empathy, or sympathy. By exploring the things that they were a victim for. Even by wanting to focus on those things - fictional characters should be compelling in all their aspects, if they're written well.
And yet, of course, if you do that empathy and do talk about what the bad person went through and all that context, people come at you. They call you evil, just as bad as the (again, fictional) character, or they say that you're treading dangerously close to the arguments people use to defend the real people who do these things in real life. Or you're disrespecting all the victims of these crimes IRL. Especially of course, if the person coming at you has a reason this comes close to home.
But again - fictional.
In an ideal world, we'd all feel sympathy and empathy when it's called for, regardless of what the person did. Even the worst most monstrous people deserve human treatment in prison. And if you don't have empathy, that's hard. Even if you do have empathy, that's hard.
So if you look at a fictional character (who doesn't hurt a real person by virtue of being fictional) that does horrible, vile things, but went through so much, and you still can't empathize or sympathize with them... I mean, it doesn't make you a bad person, not even close, this is still fiction, and there's people I should empathize with in fiction that I don't, but...
It's still a failure of your ability to be empathetic. And we're all humans. We're all failing at that, among other things, all the time. But... it's good to be aware of that. at least?
At the very least, bear that in mind when other people are talking about that context, and that victimization. And please, for the love of god, don't fucking pretend that the victimization didn't happen, that this person who did do terrible things (in fiction) suddenly didn't also (in fiction) experience awful shit, as if doing a bad thing erases all the bad things done to you.
Again - it doesn't necessarily make you a bad person, but like... the horrible state of prisons in our society is a real, actual problem. The way we as a society dehumanize people who do bad things is a real actual problem for a lot of reasons (not least because it creates an incentive for authority that wants to dehumanize a person or a group to expand the definition of 'did bad things' to make their dehumanization now acceptable, among other things).
So yeah. Fictional character who suffers but than also makes others suffer - that's a useful exercise in Empathy. And doing that doesn't make you or anyone else a bad person, or actually defending the sorts of crimes, IRL or Fictional, that this character did. Contextualizing is not whitewashing, empathy is not erasing, and humanizing is not disrespecting the victim(s).
So yeah, they fictional character did bad things. But there's more to them than that. And you can say but and talk about what comes after but without disrespecting the fictional victim. Because the fictional victim... is just as fictional. Just as not real.
Is it possible for this to end up being taken too far? Yes. But that's a reason to be mindful of yourself when it comes to real people, not to never do it. And when it comes to fictional people - again, fictional. Nobody was actually, really hurt.
(I really do want to make clear, before people read the tags, that this applies to all crimes these sorts of characters do, rape was just picked as the one to use as the example.)
#Anakin Skywalker#Azula#Grant Ward#Amy Dallon#Panacea#Empathy#Sympathy#I kind of used both terms probably a little wrongly I don't know but I think my point is clear#the tagged characters were Just a few of the characters I had in mind while writing this#So many times I see people talking about the context and the way this and that character who did horrible shit and then I see other people#give them so much shit for that and say its not okay to talk about these things because it's victim blaming or erasing the crimes#or disrespecting the victim and like - it's all fictional but also like... even if it were real#a real person who suffered#whatever else they do later#is a real fucking person who fucking suffered#Ultimately if you can't bring yourself to empathize with a given fictional character - whether it's because their crimes hit close to home#or not - it's fine#you're not a bad person for that and I'm not saying that#but if you consistently never empathize with the fictional characters who deserve it and consistently try to downplay their trauma in the#context of the fiction or even try to erase it#Then maybe reflect#and either way - let other people empathize and talk about the context and all the rest for these characters in peace#even if you feel like they're whitewashing or victim blaming they probably aren't in 99% of cases and even if they are when it comes to#fictional characters they're fucking fictional just block or ignore or back button and move on maybe vent in your own space#But just - leave it alone#And maybe - if you haven't before - try to practice the 'Advanced Empathy' required to feel for these fictional monsters. It really is a#good exercise#Also like please reblog this I'm not really on tumblr for the notes most of the time but I really poured out a lot into this one and I'm#tired of doing that only to feel like I'm shouting into an empty void#I am on here because on some level I want engagement I want the connection
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I can't tell if books are getting worse or if I've just grown too picky. I've always been an avid reader but I've been so disappointed with books over the last year.
#I primarily read books by indie authors and try to give them a lot of grace because I see how difficult self publishing is#but most of the books I've read in recent months are just downright BAD#it's so frustrating when authors don't know their own characters and make them do things that are ooc#and authors have taken to tagging CW and TW lists for their books#something they clearly took from fanfic communities#so why are they so fucking bad at tagging the content in their stories#I'm so irritated#I just want to read a really good book or series that emotionally mentally and sexually pulls me in#but every book I have read in recent months has just been so fucking disappointing#/rant#will probably delete later because I might just be feeling over dramatic right now#but I don't have anywhere else to vent about this
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wait off topic if I change Cinder's semblance for my rwby canon-adjacent au.... would this be controversial editing to warn people that the tags are novel length but that i love them and also @graythegreyt pls read them when u have a chance
#wick lore#i have asked myself this question with almost every character but for cinder i was thinking abt her dustweave (?) clothing#dustweave. dust infused. something like that#her v1 outfit that has the design on the sleeves that lights up when she sends out fire. that's her using fire dust that's in the cloth#but as far as i know this is a detail that literally never comes up again like we never see anyone else with clothing like this#so i asked myself. what if that was her semblance instead. that she had the ability to sew dust into cloth#how hard would it be for the girl modelled after cinderella to know that her semblance required her to do domestic labor to be used#thus explaining why it doesn't show up in later volumes because once she gets the maiden powers she thinks she doesn't need it#idk i think making her semblance be 'she can heat stuff up' and thus making her semblance indistinguishable from maiden powers#for the entirety of the series. is a bit of a waste. bc semblances say a lot about characters right#i know there's a point to be made about like. it manifested as that at that time because cinder has always been angry etc etc#but wouldn't it hurt from a different narrative angle. to have her semblance be dustweaving. when she doesn't have any money#no money to buy dust with but a semblance that makes her a skilled and incredibly rare craftsperson but can she bear to sell her skills#when they've been used against her for so long? when all she's known is hard work and grit and sweat? when it's probably dangerous?#anyway i think im about to hit the limit for tags but. lmfao. the possibilities!!! also the association between handsewing and the HOME!#something she's always wanted but never had. a safe place to sit by a fire that she doesn't have to tend and do her work...#also like the possible tension with mercury bc she's wishing her semblance was more offensive + merc's like BE GRATEFUL YOU HAVE ONE???#i headcanon that mercury has a semblance though. that he has silver eyes and his dad took those from him by making him hate the world#...anyway#goodnight
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vent under the cut you don't need to read if you don't want to!!!!!!!
I honestly hateee opening up or oversharing with ppl. it's kind of like eating for me where it feels okay in the moment but then afterwards I just feel awful. it feels like I'm attention seeking or saying someone else's experience isn't valid for some reason and it sucks. I don't do it at all with ppl I just met but with friends I tend to get carried away with it sometimes,,,
It hurts even more because I've been distancing myself from ppl bcz I'm scared of this exact thing happening. People have messaged me before, saying I seem cool and they want to be friends. And I get happy in the moment, but then I get really anxious about accidentally getting too comfortable and blurting out personal things, because then their opinion of me will wane and they'll think I'm annoying or ungrateful. So I subconsciously begin to distance myself and take a while when responding to messages, because I'm scared of getting too comfortable with them. But now I'm anxious that they think I'm cold or distant and that I secretly don't like them. It's just a lose lose situation mannn </3
I have so many DMs I've put off responding to, and I've stopped talking in servers as much bcz I'm scared of getting close with ppl in them. I really feel bad for it, though. I've drifted from friends bcz of that and it sucks because I genuinely love them a lot. I love everyone I talk to a lot and they always make my day better--I just wish I could be the same for them. I feel like it's a chore to talk to me. I honestly don't know what to do. It's even worse when I get close to someone bcz they like what I make/post because again, now that they've seen how I really am and I've opened up, they more than likely see me as annoying or a bad person. Like it hurts enough whenever we become friends naturally talking, but if it's with someone who's seen me at my "best" and has seen things I work on or stories I've created, they ofc associate me with those things, and their expectations of me are through the roof. So when I disappoint them it hurts a lot more. I hate getting attached to people it hurts so much
#vent#it's okay tho.I think a hug would fix me. I want a hug so bad :(#probably delete later#tag ramblings below#AND I LOVE LOVE LOVE MY FRIENDS SO MUCH LIKE SO MUCH so it's even harder. like I feel like I don't deserve them#y'all deserve better than me#I WISH I COULD ADOPT THE IDGAF ATTITUDE#truly the best feeling in the world--realizing you don't care anymore#and idk how someone could possibly like me for things I created--it's not even like I write well or sing well#I honestly don't understand how ppl could see anything I've made or sung and genuinely like it#so whenever someone DOES I'm just like hasbdhabsn yay!!!!!!! and then I ruin it w my awful personality </3#it's also why I take down a lot of ao3 works#like I've made 50 something works but it only shows two because I've taken so many down or made them anonymous--I hate my work so much#but ppl like it enough to actively want to get to know me and it hurts bcz I feel like they're not THAT good#same thing with singing like I'm not good at it at all#but ppl used to rlly like my impressions of characters and I'd get cast in quite a bit of cover groups and I just don't understand.why???#but ofc I can't ask that bcz.idk it just feels attention seeking when I do that#like can you praise me a whole bunch so I don't feel like it's not totally awful please?#I appreciate the support I get so so much and it's not that it's not enough it's just my brain is mean </3#idek what this vent is abt#I think ultimately it's just abt my fear of disappointing ppl#I'm close with a few ppl who know me bcz of things I made--and I feel like I kinda ruined their impression of me a little (a lot)#especially bcz I didn't always used to vent this much. like back when I was 12-15 I literally refused to vent no matter how bad it got#and I had friends who vented every single day so it's not like I'd be the only one#I just feel like it's wrong when it's me :'D I feel like my feelings aren't valid ig and I'm ungrateful bcz my life rlly isn't that bad#I only started venting a lot this year for some reason--and it makes me feel bad bcz now my current friends have to deal with me like that#like I have a diary I write in and it works sometimes but ultimately it's better for someone else to give you validation#I hate venting so much though#(<- literally venting rn BAHSDBAS)#I'M SORRY if I've been venting too much. I feel like I've been venting too much.guys am sorry if this is annoying I promise I'm workin on i
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See this is why I like enstars because usually the issue would be done now and I'd return back to my usual state of listless apathetic semi-detachement but now I'm invested in getting this card home and if I don't I will continue to be at least a bit sad about it isn't it fascinating how people work isn't it just marvelous that a mobile game can do that to you
#the slate won't be wiped blank again I might actually feel some genuine emotions I'm!!!!! uwaaa#i hppe thats the case I want to feel thibgs again I remember how during element week I was just full of those#feelings I mean#and positive ones too that was an experience I miss it....#was that this year? or last? this year right it must've been this year#yes yes it was this year#I'm breaking character here but i will be honest (doing that once in a while could probably do me some good even if I hate it and it sucks)#i forgot what it was I wanted to be honest about. hm.#ah yes right#I'm not very present in my own head a lot of times so i kinda forgot what character I was supposed to be anyways#not in a dissociation way but in a 'otherwise occupied' way#because everything i do feels so insincere i mean#it's just nice to feel stuff again like a normal person#which i am#otherwise I'm perfectly fine#promise :)#vent#ish kind of#it's more open than if like to be#and I'll delete the tags later#but this is fine#i think
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