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definitelynotshouting · 12 days ago

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fic writer interview!

shamelessly yoinking from @karliahs bc this looks fun as hell to do :]

How many works do you have on AO3?

32 fics total, between my main and rough draft pseud!! which feels like a really small amount, honestly-- i think my private WIPs list is MUCH higher 😂😂😂😂 if we're counting my very first (and very abandoned) ao3 acct too, then that number is bumped up to 35!!

What's your total AO3 word count?

163,211, and a good 65k of that was written this year somehow??? according to my statistics ._. lowkey crazy to think about

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

paid for it with all of my blood (BNHA | 8,452)

at times so self destructive (BNHA | 4,554)

lost in the dark (he's got a heavy heart) (HC/LIFE | 3,618)

or we can just have conversation (MSA | 1,834)

the art of rawgabbitry (BNHA | 1,609)

if youve been following me since my bnha fics in 2018 you deserve a veteran's discount

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i used to answer every single comment i got, honestly, unless it came by years after i posted it-- the only reason i dont as much anymore is because it gets REALLY overwhelming for me to respond to everyone after the initial barrage 😅😅 the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak etc etc. but i do read every comment and appreciate them SO SO MUCH, and whenever i find one particularly moving or want to just reassure people im still working on something i'll respond to those :]

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

not counting the wips that just never got finished and left off before their main shit could resolve, id say at times so self destructive (BNHA)-- i mean i LITERALLY ended it with izuku potentially dying 😭😭😭😭

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

tbh i dont think i write happy endings so much as i write hopeful, bittersweet, or open-ended ones-- i tend to like catharsis more than fluff when it comes down to it. but out of my fluff fics i think honey it's starting to storm (HC) is one of the genuinely sweetest ive written. my runner-ups on that would probably be when the smoke does finally pass (TMA) and or we could just have conversation (MSA) :]

Do you write crossovers?

not typically, and ive never published any, but i am definitely not immune to them 😂😂😂😂 i think my most niche crossover ive actually written (never to see the light of day) was a Nine Lives of Chloe King and Supernatural fic that was the definition of self-indulgent rot. only a little less niche than that was a Mortal Instruments and Supernatural crossover (theres a running theme here lol) lying in snippets on an ancient google doc in my oldest gmail acct. reread that one recently and its shockingly coherent for being written in like. 2016. id even call it decent (though theres a lot id change up if i were writing it now)

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

idk if it'd be considered hate but once i wrote a fic inspired by someone else's when i was very new to ao3, let them know (i didnt know about the "inspired by" option back then), and they got mad at me in my comments section because in their words, "its better than mine" 😭😭😭😭💥💥💥💥💥💥

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

YOU COULD SAY THAT

as for what kind, honestly whatever strikes my fancy-- usually character/relationship studies, or just a fun focus on character intimacy. love 2 be asexual<3 love 2 write asexual sex<3

i had a discussion with my qpp recently about how in all honesty the smut i write is pretty tame, its just the character emotions written behind it that makes it feel a bit deranged. smth smth scarian is a chemical explosion. u understand

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge!!!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

yeppers!! the art of rawgabbitry (BNHA) received a translation to Russian, which i always found a bit funny because rawgabbitry is. one of my least favorite works ive ever written, if only for the type of comments it tended to receive back in the day 😭😭😭😭

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

ive never managed it honestly-- i get a bit precious about my process, which can make it hard to collaborate on that level. but its something ive always wanted to grow enough as a writer to try :]

What's your all-time favorite ship?

not so much of a singular OTP type of guy as i have favorite pairings per fandom im in-- that being said rn its scarian :P

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

pretty much all of my dsmp wips honestly. i may surprise myself someday, but for now i just have zero urge to actually finish any of them

What are your writing strengths?

like my pal karliahs im gonna rip these from the comments ive received 😅😅😅 but id definitely say imagery is my strongest skill!! i have a very strong imagination, and tend to see fic scenes as movie scenes in my head which i then transcribe into written format. id like to say im also really skilled at characterization and realistic dialogue that captures character voices very well!! and frankly i just love emotional realism so much i cant NOT write it, its always leaking into everything i do

What are your writing weaknesses?

i tend to get a little too funky and abstract with my descriptions sometimes-- that can work for some scenes, but grounding everything so that it feels more real and makes actual sense to the reader is something i often have to do on the second, third, and final passes

also to every person who has to crack open a thesaurus to understand what i write, i am so fucking sorry😭💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

no thoughts beyond if its not a language you're proficient in you should probably get that checked over by a native speaker, just in case :P

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

fairy tail..... ff.net was a dark place

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

crying sobbing wailing as i desperately beg my brain to start writing that post-canon siffrin and odile relationship study. unfortunately i dont think i can have more than one longfic on my docket at a time so it shrimply must wait

What's your favorite fic you've written?

to the surprise of absolutely nobody, i'd have say lost in the dark (he's got a heavy heart) (HC/LIFE) :]

No obligation, but im tagging: @raichett, @kayawolfhorse, @boonbeenblade, @sillyfairygarden, and @grimfey !!! And anyone else who wants to do this ofc :]]]❤️❤️❤️❤️

#shouting speaks #tag meme #tag game #my fics #THIS WAS A LOT OF FUN HONESTLY!!!!#txt

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emotionalhardcore · 3 years ago

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THE BEST EMO/SCREAMO BLOGSPOTS!

Too cool for Sophie’s Floorboard? Confused by Soulseek? Want to feel like a skramz kid in the mid 00s? Or just curious to explore a BIG part of 00′s Real Emo Internet Culture? Then this post is for you!

I have, underneath the “Keep reading”, compiled my favourite emo blogspots on the internet! ENJOY!!! And please share and visit the blogs, as I put a lot of effort into this particular (and every blog put a lot of effort into their own posts)

el basurero del emo

South American emo and screamo barely gets any traction online, and that is a huge fucking bummer. I am particularly fond of most emo n’ skramz that comes out of Chile, and all the bands that are worth checking out can be found on this blog! (Asides from Tenemos Explosivos...)

The quality on the downloads are as good as it can get, it’s pretty obvious that el basurero del emo puts quality over quantity. The quality also shines in the writing, as almost all posts in the blog contain in depth information on bands. It’s in spanish so if you don’t speak it then please google translate them, as it’s really They also have released two compilations of South American emo that can be found here.

Behind “el basurero del emo” we have Enzo Raffler, mastermind behind emoviolence band “mis suenos son de tu adios”. Probably one of the people who are most involved with screamo in South America. So by all means go support him however you can!

This Endless Breath

This blogspot is specified in emo/screamo from the 00s! Lots of GREAT deep cuts for all of you who wish to get insane amounts of obscure skramz knowledge.

Just like “el basurero del emo”, this blog is not extremely active BUT This Endless Breath is quite active on their youtube channel. So if you’re iffy about downloading a whole bunch of random screamo then you’re in luck.

What makes this blog so amazing, in my opinion, is the sheer amount of obscure shit it has. If you are into the more well known side of screamo, then reading through the bands list will be mindblowing because holy shit there’s barely any mainstream stuff in here. The only bands close to more well known are Blow Up, Isodora Crane, Love Lost But Not Forgotten and Vincent Black Shadow (AND I THINK THIS SAYS A LOT!!! BECAUSE MOST OF THESE ASIDE FROM LLBNF ARE NOT KNOWN!!!)

Desperate and Lonely

Desperate and Lonely is a total classic when it comes to emo blogging. Really good quality downloads, rarely untagged files and full band discographies! Desperate and Lonely is an example of what a proper skramz blog is all about!

To adress the elephant in the room: No, I neither read nor understand russian (the language this blog is in) But with the magic of this amazing skill called common sense, the blog should not be difficult to browse through. Just don’t forget to click on “read more” so you get the whole stuff! I do wish I understood russian, as it appears that the blog, aside from writing a lot of info on the bands, also sometimes interviews the bands! I google translated the The Pine interview and trust me it’s GREAT so I think the other release should be equally good.

Angry Emo Nerd

THIS right here is my absolute favorite emo blog! Even if it no longer is active, the amount of bands it left us with is more than enough. Some stuff comes untagged and in bad quality/missing info YET it’s definitely my favorite for finding old emo.

Not too mainstream and not too obscure, Angry Emo Nerd has the perfect balance for the aspiring emo nerd! I am reminded of a line from a The Saddest Landscape song (”flipping through the record bins... it’s all a little too obscure... and im just looking for something more familiar”) Sometimes you don’t need to download screamo that is TOO obscure, personally I find it overwhelming.

Anyways! Most of the stuff you might find here can also be found on his youtube channel! If Simon B doesn’t have what you are looking for then this channel might!

drifting with the ice

Compared to all the other dusty ass skramz blogs, “drifting with the ice” is fresh and new! The blog seems to have started in April 2021 and has been pumping out pure quality screamo both in the blogspot and their youtube account since then.

Every post contains what seemingly is as much information as possible, with high quality pictures of the releases being hosted. Seriously, even if you have a hard time sitting down and reading, the sweet writing style this blog is written in makes it very fun and interesting to read through.

I haven’t visited this blog enough to say more, but it’s such a good one that it deserves to be mentioned in this list. Can’t wait to see this blog keep going!

That was all I had to share! It feels obvious but I will say it anyways: If you have the ability to support the bands then please please do it. Especially if they’re still active. Like, I doubt that some obscure 90s emo band that only released one demo tape will get economically destroyed because you downladed them off a random screamo blog. BUT if the band is relatively modern and active then all money and support can be used for the wellbeing of the band, and in return, for the wellbeing of the scene.

Let me know if there are other great blogspots you like!

#emo #real emo #screamo #skramz #emocore #emotive hardcore #emotional hardcore #midwest emo #emoviolence #twinkle emo #emo revival

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cvtqr · 4 years ago

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365

pairings; eren jaeger x reader [+ jean x reader]

notes; this was also posted on my ao3, which has the same username as this one [cvtqr]

“i never loved you y/n.”

“WHAT DON’T YOU GET? I NEVER LOVED YOU SO STOP COMING HERE Y/N.”

he slammed the door in your face. you didn't know why he was treating you this way. you've been with him every step of the road. there was no way he couldn't love you. you didn't want to leave. you didn't want to stop coming to see him. so you didn't stop. you weren't going to leave. you sunk down onto the concrete in front of his door.

on the other side eren was doing the same thing, just sitting against the door. he didn't want to see you. he didn't want to give into you. if he hurt you now he wouldn't hurt you in 365 days. but seeing your face was so hard. he never wanted to scream at you and slam the door in your face. right when you showed up the only thing he wanted to do was pull you into his arms. he wanted to feel your warmth. but he can't. he knew you were like a drug, he couldn't get enough. he also knew that he could never be with you again. no. not after 365 days. he could never give you a family, the life you deserved. his biggest mistake was falling in love with you. it was impossible to give you everything he wanted to. he never even knew when it happened. when you walked with him in the snow during training? when you saved him countless times? your soft, sweet smile? he needed you, but you didn't need him.

you ended up falling asleep on eren’s front porch, waking up the next morning from the bright sun shining directly onto your face. and the blonde boy standing in front of you.

“so he won't talk to you either hm? you should go, you don't deserve that y/n. he hasn't talked to anyone in days, im just leaving a bag for him to make sure he's taking care of himself and all.”

you nodded and stood up, walking down the step on eren’s porch.

“the captain wants to see you too. i think he wants you and jean doing field work today.”

“thanks” you mumbled out before going to meet up with levi.

armin was right, you and jean were out on the field today. jean secretly cared about you and he hated seeing you like this. the bright cheerful girl, now not saying a word. you lost the glow in your eyes. as the sun set, you and jean were about done. riding your horses back to the stables, jean took a turn.

“where are you going.”

“come on, y/n.”

sighing, you turned the direction of your horse, following jean.

he stopped over the lake, the sun setting above you two.

“i used to come here with marco all the time.”

you looked up and over at jean.

“s-sorry, lets go.”

“wait jean.- i, i miss him too.”

“do you maybe wanna get dinner in town? we haven't ate in awhile and you seem very down today.”

“i don't know jean...”

“oh come on, my treat.”

knowing you couldn't go home and cook with eren like you used to do, you accepted his offer.

279 days

the time for you and jean to do field work all day came around again. after, you found yourself in town with him again. over the past 86 days you found yourself going to eren’s less and less. after hanging out with jean all day for the first time, you realized that you both had a lot in common. jean lost someone and even though eren was still here, you lost him. you now only go there about once a week with armin, just to leave a bag with a note on his doorstep. he completely ghosted everyone. he hasn't talked to anyone in almost 100 days. you were the last person he spoke to.

back to today, you found your smile slowly coming back. but were you over eren? no. not at all. jean just simply made you somewhat happy. out in town the both of you decided to try food from a bunch of carts. that was until you got to a small band playing music. jean pulled you close to him and started slowly swaying the both of you together. jean knew you were probably wishing he was eren, but that was ok with him. he had you in his arms.

what you didn't know, eren was sitting on a nearby bench. from a far, he was un recognizable. his hair draped over his shoulders and he hasn't shaved in months. he looked like shit. he questioned his decision of pushing everyone away. should he have spent the 365 days with you? no. no no no no no, he made the right choice. now he would just have to watch your life with jean. even though it hurt, it hurt like hell, this is what he wanted for you.

123 days

wow, its been awhile since you've seen eren. you stopped going there. you didn't feel like need. its been way over 200 days. you had jean now. you were so close, yet so far to being over eren. but you didn't want to hurt jean by going to see your ex-lover. jean didn't bring up marco, you didn't bring up eren. you haven't had as much time with jean that you had with eren, but you were slowly falling in love with him.

just the little things.

4 days

letters. eren had written a letter to each and every one of his friends, but no. he only needed you to see yours. he ripped up the rest, but put yours into a plain white envelope, leaving it on his kitchen table. he needed to think about a lot of things in the next four days.

1 day

eren took all his decorations down. all the pictures of you two that he's been looking at for the past 364 days. the only thing left was the letter, still set on his counter.

2 days after

y/n. open in five years. i understand if you want to throw this out and forget about me, but give it a chance.

that's what you read on the envelope left on eren’s counter.

you and close friends cleaned out eren’s house, collecting his personal belongings.

saying the day was gloomy is being generous. the next few years were gloomy.

1825 days after

“marco kirstein! get back here right now or im getting your father.”

you never imagined yourself chasing after a three year old toddler while your husband drank coffee on the balcony five years later.

1826 days later

“have fun on your camping trip boys. connie loose my child when jean goes on that interview and ill kill you.”

“mommy stop worrying! uncle connie is a great babysitter!”

6 hours later

you un crumpled the old envelope sitting in a box of belongings.

hey sugar! so i see you didn't forget about me. if im right you have started a family? or that's what i hope at least...

those last 365 days were painful as all hell. sorry for bringing up old memories but i just want to clear things up with you. i lied the last time i saw you. i love you. i loved you so much. that's why i needed to let go. I've been watching you and jean over the past few months. you seem happy. stay that way please. i fucking cannot stand jean but please don't let go of him. if you're reading this and you did, i hope your children get/got your genes so they don't have horse faces.

i don't even know why im writing this, i guess i just wanted to say i had to let go so you wouldn't get hurt once i died. i thought it would be less painful for you that way. im so sorry if i hurt you at first. so, so sorry. at least you had jean. someone, just like i wanted you too.

im not sure if i regret my decision. actually scrap that i shouldn't have wrote that because i don't have an eraser. i don't regret it. but i just wanted to let you know that i loved you over those last 365 days. tell the gang i said hey.

i love you, my atlantis.

-eren

#aot #attack on titan #eren jaeger #eren yaegar #eren x reader #eren angst #aot angst #attack on titan angst #eren jaeger x reader #eren yeager x reader #aot smut #attack on titan x reader #eren smut #jean kirschtein x reader #jean kirschtien #marco bodt

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everlarkficquestions · 3 years ago

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Sunday Stumped Day 35

It’s another Sunday Stumped Day!

Sometimes we straight out get stumped. So every few months we will pick a Sunday when we’ll post of a list of asks that we need your help on.

In this round, we are focusing on asks for specific stories. If your ask for a more general “type of” story is not included, it does not mean we are ignoring it, it just means we need more time to research and answer these asks.

If you know the answer to any of these asks please shoot us a message/ ask/ with the Post number and the fic details and we’ll add it and give you a shout out with our thanks. Any links you can provide will also be super helpful.

Thanks!

Post 1 , Post 2 , Post 3, Post 4, Post 5, Post 6, Post 7, Post 8, Post 9, Post 10, Post 11, Post 12, Post 13, Post 14, Post 15, Post 16, Post 17, Post 18, Post 19, Post 20, Post 21, Post 22 , Post 23, Post 24, Post 25, Post 26, Post 27, Post 28, Post 29 , Post 30, Post 31, Post 32, Post 33 and Post 34 can be found here - and there are still fics we need your help with.

576. Anonymous said to everlarkficquestions: Hi, I am searching everlarkfic that I read couple years ago in ff.net. Post mockingjay, Katniss and Peeta are getting married then when they’ll rebuild Peeta's family bakery, peeta got collapse and they find out that he was dying. In the end peeta died. Annie and Katniss's mother had to move Katniss to district 4 to taking care of her. In district 4, Katniss met with gale and they were slowly building relationships from there?

577. its-hopeless-romantic said to everlarkficquestions: Hey,I am looking for fic in which Peeta is Katniss's college professor (he is 10 years older than her) and they fall in love. He is teaching history of art and I remember he invited her to the opening of his galery. I remembre that he goes to Italy to teach for a few months and before that he introduces her to his family. I think it has 2 long chapters in second one there is his proposal. (It's called Lessons in Love or something like, but I can't find it)thanks 💕💕💕

578. alwayseverlark said to everlarkficquestions:Hi! Looking for a in Panem fic (I think no games) , where Peeta is working in the mines and an accident happens and Katniss is looking for him thinking he’s dead , but Gale thinks she wa s looking for him instead and when he realizes , he’s mad at Katniss.I am not sure if this is one fic... or if I’m mixing two different fics...Thansk!

579. stonyspideypool said to everlarkficquestions:I'm looking for a fanfic were I think katniss wants peeta to take control/be more dominant so she calls johanna and johanna tells her that peeta would never force himself on her and he has dealt with so much blue balls over the years that he's used to it or something (lmao) sorry that's all I remember 😅😅Love the page btw💙❤ literally its the only reason I'm on tumblr, thank you💕

580. amesielee said to everlarkficquestions:Hi I'm looking for a fanfic. It's either a one shot 2 shot or 3 shot and it's about Peeta and Katniss having sex. It's their first time and once it's over Peeta grabs a wash cloth for Katniss to help her out. She then gets mad and assumes he has done it before with Delly. I think Peeta didn't know it was her first time. And Peeta says maybe we are just good together. He then asks if she loves him. It's on Tumblr. I hope you can help xx

581. booksandeverlark said to everlarkficquestions:Hi there! Another story I remember reading but can’t think of the title. I know Leeta is older then Katniss. Peeta knew Katniss’ Parents and is their age. Katniss likes Peeta and Peeta keeps telling her he’s too old for her but she doesn’t care. They start to date and Katniss dad finds out before they can tell and eggs mad. I think Peeta also gets hurt protecting Katniss and how she reacts makes her dad see they are serious. Thanks so much for the help

582. everlark-always said to everlarkficquestions:Trying to find a fic...modern au where katniss is with her friends (Annie Johanna Finnick Gale madge....) at a party and they find her the next morning in bed with Peeta?

(582) This could be I Dare You (To Stay) by Thewritershae - thank you @allie-rose

583. justanotherrandomaccount9999 said to everlarkficquestions:Hi! Do you know of a fic where it the story is about each time peeta ruins a cake? I read it before but forgot the title. The last time was when he made Katniss a cake for her birthday but dropped it when she said she was pregnant. Thanks for everything you've done for this fandom btw :)

584. pleasantturtletheorist-blog said to everlarkficquestions:Hi! So this might be a tricky one (bc I don’t remember much of the plot lol) but basically in this fic Peeta was like “don’t deny me post-sex cuddles” or something along those lines hahah. And I remember the scene being really cute but I can’t remember much else about it. I know this is very vague but if you could help I’d really appreciate it!! 🥺🥺

(584) This is possibly Blowout by Annieoakley1. - Thanks to @sunsetsrmydreams

585. yeeyeejones73 said to everlarkficquestions:Hello:) I was wondering if y’all know the name of a fic where it’s canon post mockingjay and everlark is growing back together slowly. I remember peeta gets a boner while Katniss and him are sleeping. I also think Peeta accidentally sees Katniss in only her towel after a shower and it’s super cute and awkward. I hope y’all can help and also thanks for all y’all do!

586. superpineappleenthusiast said to everlarkficquestions:Hey, I'm looking for a fic where the tributes of 74th games escape the arena. Thanks!

587. anonymous-loner95 said to everlarkficquestions:What the fic where Peeta thinks he's about to sleep with some random girl, which I think is actually is Jo, but is tricked into a room with Katniss?

588. thatgirl56834 said to everlarkficquestions:Hi! First of all, I love this blog! You guys rock! I’ve been looking for a one shot I used to read all the time. It was where Katniss and Peeta were friends in middle school and kissed after their dance but then Katniss moved away. Years later they ended up being neighbors and getting together. Peeta lied about who he was at first but then Katniss figured it out. If you know what this fic is, I’d love to read it again! 💗

588 FOUND! Wishes Old and New by Peetasbunmyoven. Thank you, @sunsetsrmydreams and @allie-rose

589. neonsnail said to everlarkficquestions:Hey I'm looking for a fic where peeta meets katniss and she has some kind of vision that if she gets pregnant prim dies and tries to stay away from peeta but she fails and then she sleeps with peeta to try to get pregnant and fails then disappears and they meet again a few years later and become a couple

589 FOUND! The story ha been identified as The Fool by Myusernamehere but unfortunately it has been deleted by the author. Thank you @katnissdoesnotfollowback

590. everlark-always said to everlarkficquestions: what’s the fic where Peeta cheats (post mockingjay) on Katniss and because of this she ends up with someone else?

591. everlark-always said to everlarkficquestions: Peeta and Katniss are in highschool and Peeta goes to prom with Madge and Katniss goes with Gale. She wears a burgundy dress and at the pre prom thing she meets an old friend from home named Josh.

592. tributeintraining said to everlarkficquestions:I'm looking for a specific fanfic I read years ago. It's a modern AU where Katniss and Gale are in a band together. Katniss is the guitarist and doesn't sing. Gale is married to Madge but was having an affair with Katniss. The public finds out and she leaves the band. She goes solo and starts a PR relationship with Peeta. Her first solo performance is singing "Shake it out". That's all I remember. Thank!

593. supreme-doritos said to everlarkficquestions:Hi! im looking for a fic where the rebellion happens early and the capitol gets overthrown before the 74th hunger games by a tribute (then victor) from district 7. At one point katniss and peeta (who lost his leg in the bombing) look after haymitch but he ends up killing himself so they don't starve during a really harsh winter. Before he dies he asks katniss to give chaff a naked lady mug/glass (i cant remember the name lol sorry) Thank you! I really appreciate you guys <3

593 FOUND! The Avalanche And Little Pebbles by Dyce - thanks to @eggplant8

594. entwodreiquatrocinq-blog said to everlarkficquestions: So i'm looking for this fanfic I read once on FF.net. Peeta and Katniss are intimate in the catching fire arena, and later in district 13, she finds out that she pregnant. Peeta is either in a coma or captured and one of his brothers survived. I believe there is a fight between Katniss and the brother, and he says something like "just because you f'ed my brother in front of the entire country doesn't mean....." That's all I remember, I hope it's specific enough. :)

(594) Possibly The Sharp Edge of Memory by Titania522 - thanks @eggplant8

595. lettrsto said to everlarkficquestions:hi guys!! i can't remember for shit the name of this one shot, i guess it was written for promptsinpanem, where katniss dates gale, but haymitch hates his guts so k&g make a deal w peeta so katniss fake dates peeta while she's actually dating gale behind haymitch's back. can you guys give some help, pretty please? does it ring any light? thank you!!!!

(595) FOUND by the asker! Yours And Mine by Andthisisthewonder

596. jonerys-everlark said to everlarkficquestions:I remember a fanfic where Katniss and Peeta were in the 74th games when Katniss learns that Peeta is with the Careers, she remembers him telling her something (I think) but I know that she then waits until they are gone, and says to the audience something to the effect of , “I have something to say... he has not betrayed me, he is protecting me, as to his confession in the interview, I’m still trying to decide how I feel about it” or something like that, basically, she knows he is on her side an

Do any of these fics ring a bell? Please let us know!

#+#mod post #sunday stumped day #ssd 35 #we're stumped #576-596

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hansolmates · 4 years ago

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jjk; angel’s trumpet [bonus]

summary; one second, your life is flashing before your eyes and the next, you’re transported into a world exactly like your own. but the jungkook you meet in this world isn’t a renowned singer or your former almost-lover, in fact he has no clue who you are and why you know him so well. as you work to find your way home lost and confused, you conclude that you’re either dead or in the middle of the most wicked drug trip of your life. pairing; idol!jk x reader (f), alternatively film producer!jk x reader genre/warnings; fluff, angst, supernatural, idol!au, non-idol!au, alternate universes, themes of fate, language, alcohol consumption, in this chapter–nudity boobies! w.c; 2.2k a/n; why did a week go by so stinkin’ fast? i’m not ready to let go of this couple! that being said, i wouldnt mind posting some drabble babbles about these two or four. im utterly thankful for the love and passion my readers had for this, i had so many kind readers that kept me afloat through all of. i can’t wait to see you in the next one, and i hope you enjoy this little glimpse💕

[final] [bonus] -> masterpost

“You’re not Jimin.”

Jungkook’s eyes snap open, and he takes note of the change in air. Chalk it up to the open window or the fact that the rain’s evaporated, but he can’t help the pinch of pain in his heart as he realizes that you’re far, far gone from this world.

And in your place, is you. Not quite you, but it’s almost scary how easy it is to regard your visage and simple conversation.

“Jimin,” he repeats, as if he heard you wrong. “As in, Park Jimin? Tiny guy with a big ego?”

“Yes,” you reply blandly, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Your eyes are sparkless, flickering between your state of nakedness and his state of nakedness. “I know I wasn’t exactly sober last night, but I distinctly remember telling him he’d be in my bed tonight,” and you regard Jungkook with a sort of pointed look, unable to decipher your situation, “but here you are. Still cupping by boob.”

Out of reflex, he squeezes his palm. Yep, that’s yours.

A little part of him also wants to yell to the heavens because you failed to tell him you were hooking up with Park Jimin before all of this.

Okay technically you didn’t, but the person in front of him did.

His heart is fresh and stinging like a hot cut on the asphalt. He watches you take in your surroundings, humming when you notice the new clothes on the rack and the way your desk has been rearranged. Jungkook is trying very hard to be patient, after all you’re a stranger and suddenly he feels like he’s the one that’s known you all his life. Oh, how the tables have turned.

You stretch, testing out your limbs as they pop and crackle at your command. You run a hand through your strawberry-smelling hair, and Jungkook has to grip the sheets to not go by instinct and take you right then and there on this mattress. With a shameless groan of satisfaction, you flop against your bed. Jungkook tries, emphasis on try, to not watch as your breasts bounce and the way your hair flows around your pillow like the angel you are, but he’s rendered smitten.

“Uh,” boobies boobies boobies.

You pointedly ignore his piss-poor attempt at coherent conversation, staring up at the ceiling. “Ho—ly shit,” you curse freely, heaving an exhausted sigh, “I feel so sore.”

“S-sore?” Great, he found his voice.

“Yeah, like I’ve been in a coma or something,” but you think nothing of it, summing it up as a crazy dream from alcohol poisoning. You sit up straight, reaching for your phone. It’s not on your desk, but instead you find something far more interesting.

You reach for your Midnight Blue Citrus candle, frowning at the contents. The wax is nearly burnt to the end, the tips of the wicks charcoal black and frayed. Waving your used candle in Jungkook’s face you blame, “What the fuck, did you use all of this last night? I just bought this like, literally yesterday!”

His face falls, “What? You’ve had that candle for forever—”

“And why the heck it is so hot in the middle of February?”

Oh.

Something dark and sad creeps up Jungkook’s stomach, and he hates to be the one to tell you. February was when it all started, and his life changed with the presence of you. Jungkook tells himself repeatedly that the woman in this room is simultaneously the person he’s loved since winter and the stranger he feels that he’s meant to love with time. Considering everything’s happening all at once understanding it is still hard, but he’ll try for you.

It breaks his heart to see how you look lost and confused, like a child woken up from a debilitating nightmare. Your lips are bitten red and purple, trying your hardest not to show fear in front of him, a stranger. You’re frustrated as you try your hardest to shut the windows to block the incoming humidity from last night’s rain.

He says your name, sweet and soft. “It’s almost summer,” he says, his voice calm and collected.

“So are you telling me, that wasn’t a dream?”

The two of you stare at each other, unmoving. He tries not to squirm under your gaze, you watch him intently, scraping at the edge of your brain for any ideas. You’re hugging yourself, arms wrapping against your breasts as if you’re trying to hold your body together in a way that alludes to any brokenness you felt over these past two months.

Neither of you break the silence, and there’s a bang and a crash. Jungkook flinches at the tell-tale signs of the unwanted intruder, the fling of keys across your wooden table and a shrill call of your name.

“Who’s that?”

“Probably Hoseok,” Jungkook answers reluctantly, his thumb rubbing between his brows.

He ignores the extra cool air against his naked bits when he throws the blankets off his lap. Ignores the way you pointedly, shamelessly check him out as he throws on his sweats and a t-shirt. To his dismay he can’t ignore the burn in his cheeks when he knows how you’re scrutinizing him like a one-night stand, trying to recollect any type of concrete thought that would seem plausible enough to explain why you woke up in bed with him.

Throwing open your bedroom door and leaving you there, he cards a hand through his rogue bedhead to face a frantic Hoseok.

“It’s so early,” Hoseok warbles to himself, impressed that he’s managed to cop fresh donuts and coffee at nearly 7AM.

Jungkook sees nothing but an orange blob and Hoseok’s head, bleary and vibrating. Rubbing his eyes he says, “You just realized how early it is? Couldn’t you have stopped by a little later?”

“No, I couldn’t!” Hoseok’s now invading Jungkook’s personal space, as if you weren’t the bridge between their threads of a relationship, as if he and Hoseok could be friends. “I woke up a few hours ago and I couldn’t go back to sleep. I felt it, Jungkook. It was like an episode of the Twilight Zone. The air shifted and I felt like I was between two parallel universes—I swear on my bad knee that I’m not going through a drug trip—and I felt the world turning and changing and it was so fuckin’ weird I had to come here as soon as Dunkin’ opened. Didn’t you feel it too?”

“Yeah,” Jungkook exhales, not bothering to hide the disappointment. He smiles sadly, “it’s definitely not her.”

Hoseok’s expression and excitement over the world’s converging falters, and he pulls Jungkook into a hug. They’re not particularly close and Hoseok’s smaller in size compared to Jungkook, but for those five seconds he feels comforted as he hugs him back.

“Why don’t you go home and chill out, I don’t mind explaining things to her,” Hoseok offers, “and I’ll call you later and let you know how it went.”

“Okay,” Jungkook replies, voice slow, “that sounds like a good idea, actually.”

The situation is royally messed up, and he hates that he can’t blame it on anyone. Jungkook is a practical man, and he knows that he has no use when Hoseok is here with donuts and coffee. More importantly, there is no use torturing himself by letting his heart break in the presence of you.

“What is this, a party?” Taehyung’s bare feet smack against the hardwood, and he plops himself in the chair next to Hoseok, “did you get me coffee this time?”

The two of them bicker good-naturedly, with Hoseok explaining a little kindness goes a long way and Taehyung muttering that kindness doesn’t happen without caffeine. Jungkook excuses himself, feeling very much out of place as he moves to your bedroom to pack his things.

“You’re leaving?” you’re standing in the middle of your bedroom, now dressed in a long t-shirt and your hair tied clean and away from your face. You look pretty.

“Yeah,” he says shortly, stuffing his jeans in his bag and making sure all traces of him are gone from your bedroom. “Need to sort things out,” he excuses, and while you may not buy it, he really does. He feels heartbroken, angry at the world. Maybe he could visit Yoongi today and get a demo in, put all this pent-up emotion to good use. “But Hoseok brought you breakfast, he’s a good friend, he’ll explain everything.”

“But I don’t know Hoseok,” you mumble, picking at the hem of your band shirt. You’re pouting, stubborn.

“But you don’t know me either,” Jungkook retorts, not unkindly, but not exactly gentle. “I wouldn’t want to overwhelm you.”

There’s a hard rip at his zipper, putting in a little too much force as he seals away all his things into a compact backpack. Heck, he even went as far as to take back the hoodie he lent you last month, making sure the fabric is crisp and folded so he can stow it away from your curious eyes. He shoves on his denim jacket from last night, still lingering with the scents of sand and saltwater. It makes him sombre, and the selfish part of him wishes to bottle up that scent and tuck it away forever.

“You’re wrong,” you blurt when he moves toward the door. His hand lingers over the knob, “I do know you.”

He narrows his dark eyes, taking in your honest expression, “At Jimin’s job, maybe? I did a couple interviews in the beginning of February. Maybe we passed each other while you had lunch with him.”

“No. You sang to me, talked to me, as much as you could up until this moment.”

He remembers the stories you fed to him last night under the stars, shameless and full of love as you explained to him of his other self. The life where he’s a renowned singer, a Golden Boy, one of the most revered in his industry. A life he could only dream of, yet somewhere out there he’s living it in another body making that dream come true.

Thoughts are running through his head, memories that aren’t his own. He could only imagine what you must’ve gone through, recovering in a hospital bed for two months, unable to move but actively aware of the pain and anguish. How confused you must’ve been, aching to figure out what the hell is going on, acutely aware of the voices constantly chattering about your well-being.

One of those voices being Jeon Jungkook, who was probably taking care of you night and day.

His head is starting to throb, and he feels like he’s five seconds away from spiraling.

“I’d… I’d feel more comfortable around you, Jungkook,” you confess, reaching for his hand, “but if you need to, you can go,” you bite your lip, folding in on yourself once more, “if it hurts too much to be around me right now.”

He gladly takes your hand, rubbing his thumb between your palm. The familiar sparks he feels when he holds it return, but tamps it down for the sake of your vulnerability. It’s not your fault you’re in this situation. “No… I’m just gonna go home for a bit, clear my schedule,” he gives you a little smile, and he inflates a bit when you give him one of your own. “I’ll come back for you after breakfast.”

“You promise?”

“Promise.”

You pull him into an unexpected hug, suddenly fearing he may never come back.

“I always wondered what the man looked like behind the voice,” and you’re suddenly melting, feeling a sense of familiarity as you let your heart run faster than your brain when you let him hold you in his arms. He smells just like him, too.

His embrace is tight, and his arms fit in all the little curves and spots that make you feel warm and safe. “And am I living up to your expectations?” it’s a half-joke, after all the both of you are going simply by feeling and there’s no way in hell would he even attempt to compare himself to well, himself.

You pull away to look at him, really look at him. Honest, clear eyes. Jungkook thinks he sees the world in your gaze. “Only if you eat a donut before you go,” you reply with a shy smile.

At your defiant mention of food he can’t help but grin like a maniac, letting you tug him back out to sit at the counter with him and have breakfast. Like he said before, he can’t wait to fall in love all over again.

#jungkook fic #jungkook x reader #bts fic #jungkook fluff #goldenclosetnet #im not crying you're crying

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pseudophan · 4 years ago

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can you tell us the summary of your love of your lives case? I don’t wanna watch the video I don’t have the patience to watch it

it's such a complicated case but in short(ish):

1993 in west memphis arkansas, three eight year old boys go missing and are later found murdered in the woods. the community is freaking the fuck out and because it's 1993 small town arkansas and satanic panic is sweeping the nation people go ITS SATANISM IT WAS A SATANIC RITUAL and the police keep interviewing this 18 year old named damien echols because he was into witchcraft and listened to metallica and wore all black (genuine points brought up in court like this is what the entire case is built on). im skipping some details here cause its all oh so convoluted but basically they eventually interrogate a 17 year old named jessie miskelley jr who confesses to the crime and implicates damien and damien's best friend jason baldwin (16, looks about 11). so then ofc they all get arrested

issue is: jessie is a minor with a reported iq of 72 and they interrogated him non stop for 12 hours with no parent or attorney present (his dad agreed to let them speak to him but they didnt tell him it was an interrogation) and less than an hour of it was recorded. jessie claims the cops coerced him into his confession and even on the 40 something minutes of interrogation we do have available to listen to you can hear the cops just continuously leading him on like theyll ask when this happened and he says a time and they go no the kids were in school then it was later wasnt it and he's like yeah it was [later time] and theyre like no it was around 8 wasnt it? and hes like yeah yeah it was then and it goes on like that foreverrrrr

ok im getting into too much detail here im sorry theres so much more anyway anyway TRIALS HAPPEN and its all a whole bunch of bullshit and hbo recorded it all for hit documentary paradise lost (watch it) and hhhooooooly shit!

theres way too much to talk about w the trial but besides everyone being fucking cracked and damien being a smartass and the judge looking bored out of his goddamn mind throughout the whole thing (FUCK that judge) one notable part that didnt come out until later is that during jury selection this one guy was hell bent on getting on the jury cause he wanted them convicted and not only was he let on the jury he became the jury foreman which goes against like every law cause juries are supposed to go into court with no preconceived notions of what happened. also jessie had a separate trial cause he wouldnt testify against jason and damien which means his "confession" wasnt admissible in their trial and the jury werent allowed to consider it, but the jury actively discussed the confession while making their decision (jury members have said they did + it was written on their goddamn whiteboard) which. h

ANYWAYYY so jessie and jason get life in prison without the possibility of parole and damien gets sentenced to death. damien is 19 at this point with a newborn baby. jason isnt even 18.

so then they go away and the documentary paradise lost comes out and everyone collectively loses their goddamn fucking minds cause how the fuck did this happen they didnt even have a single piece of actual evidence except a piece of hair that MAY match damien but also its the early 90s and they dont actually have a fucking clue

years go by, everythings happening so much, their appeals get shot down one by one cause its the same fucking judge and ofc hes not gonna admit any fault. the public suspect john mark byers (rest in peace he died like a month ago in a traffic accident, btw he also didnt do it but thats also a lot to go into. interesting guy, definitely inbred, violent tendencies but not a murderer) one of the kids' stepdads (technically adoptive dad cause he legally adopted the kid after he married his mum but hes generally referred to as his stepdad) of having done it cause hes fucking massive and is quite possibly the most colourful character ive seen in my life like that guy had no idea what was going on ever and he was hell bent on the teens having done it and wanted to kill them all UNTIL! until. 2007, they test the dna in the case and SHOCKINGLY turns out none of the west memphis 3's dna is anywhere to be found, the shit they had that could be damien's turns out to not even remotely match him in the slightest and suddenly theyre there like. well. now theres nothing. and yet theyre still in prison cause everyone who got them convicted is like NO THEY DID IT :) but the public outrage is so much by this point and finally they get to take it to the supreme court who take one look at it and are literally like ??? what the fuck happened here give them a new trial what the literal hell (theres a video of it their faces are literally so funny they all look like they absolutely cannot believe this required their help) so in 2011 they finally have the opportunity to retrial with a new judge but SUDDENLY the state of arkansas go um actually we are gonna offer you an alford plea which basically means they legally plead guilty to the charges while still saying they didnt do it and then they get let out but the state wont have to admit fault or reopen the case cause in their eyes these three are still guilty but theyre gonna let them out anyway cause that makes a whole lot of sense i guess. lol basically the state realised there was a real chance they could get exonerated in which case they were gonna get sued to hell and back and went FUCK give them a deal

now jason didnt want to take the deal he wanted to wait for the new trial and risk getting found guilty again cause he said this isnt justice for the kids cause the real killer or killers are still free and its not justice for us cause we have to plead guilty to save the asses of the system that failed us all BUT all three of them have to agree for it to be valid and damien's execution date, which he's already narrowly avoided on several occasions like its already been postponed multiple times, is once again coming up and if the new trial somehow goes wrong and hes sent back to death row he's gonna be killed so jason decided fuck all of that and agreed to the plea exclusively to save damien which ok ride or die king

i havent gone into who really did it cause once again there is SO much but the majority of people think it was terry hobbs (the stepdad of another one of the victims) including the kid's mother whos now his ex wife who he abused to no end. theres a Lot to this theory and while theres no concrete evidence cause they did a shittyass job with everything theres already more dna linking him to the scene than the teens. god i really wanna go into everything that points to terry being at least somehow involved but this has already gotten so out of hand

anyway follow damienechols on instagram all he does is post about witchcraft and cats. also watch the hbo paradise lost trilogy and west of memphis. and if u want even more details listen to the three true crime garage episodes on the case. also theres books. theres so much. i have so much more to say. someone stop me

#answered

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fandom-necromancer · 4 years ago

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Five Nights at Jericho’s

And here the second Halloween short! This has been prompted by the amazing @sparklingrainbowdragon! I only know the game from one Let’s Play, I hope it’s enough XD Enjoy!

Fandom: Detroit become human | AU: Five nights at Freddy’s

A lot had been going wrong during the revolution. Hell, a far lot more had been going wrong before the revolution, too. But it was only after it that the true extend of just how much had been going wrong had been unveiled. After androids had been granted their rights, the first instinct for them was to seek refuge in numbers and safe who they knew was in danger. How many androids of New Jericho had become vocal about abusers, about literal prisons for their kind and the extend of brutality they faced had even managed to touch Gavin. Far too long he had seen how that kind of treatment ended. He had seen the crime-scenes, he had found the dead bodies and he had interviewed the survivors. They had been human, yes, but now that the DPD helped New Jericho in finding lost friends and saving who could still be saved, he was told the same things over and over again:

‘They… They helped me out of there. I- I wanted- I couldn’t- I left them behind to get help.’ ‘I don’t know if he was still functioning. But I was dumped somewhere and there were a lot of partially assembled androids. Please, if they can be repaired, we need to help them!’ ‘She… We fled together. I love her. But we had to split up and couldn’t find each other again. I last saw her by the docks. But… Please, you have to find her!’ ‘My android. I tried to hide him. But my neighbours found out and took him away from me. I don’t know where they brought him.’

It changed something in Gavin. Androids weren’t in any way different to humans. They faced the same problems; they had the same fears. And that realisation made him seriously regret how he had acted in the past. A part of him still told him he wasn’t like these faceless persons he heard of. He had never abused someone. Had never hurt someone. His attitude wasn’t the best, but he had never done anything like it. But he had thought about it. And to the very least he had pointed his gun at Connor. No, he hadn’t abused someone, but he hadn’t exactly made their life any easier.

He needed something to ease his mind, something to repay what he owed them. That was why he ended up volunteering at New Jericho. He was human, so there wasn’t much he could do when most of their residents were afraid of his kind. But eventually he was given the task of watching a warehouse. The androids inside were all deactivated and waited for repairs. Until they would be able to though someone needed to watch the warehouse. Android parts were traded at high prizes and a warehouse full of apparently dead androids was a gold mine. A few night shifts on his free days wouldn’t hurt, he thought. Not like he would have much going on anyways.

Gavin sat on his chair feet crossed on the table. His coffee cup was steaming next to him, the aroma filling the small room. He was constantly switching in between texting with Tina and watching the feed of the surveillance cams in front of him. He had made it a habit of his to patrol around the warehouse every other hour not to fall asleep and had just come back from one. Not a person in sight and no disturbance at all. He glanced at the android bodies again. They were leaned against the walls, neatly standing there and waiting for the day they would be woken up again. The longer Gavin stared at the screens, the creepier the whole situation became. At least they had their eyes closed. It made it easier pretending they were just mannequins instead of living beings just… waiting for their time to come.

Gavin sighed and reached for his coffee.

>Alright Gavin gotta go! >Hope you have a cosy n8 with the zombots!

Gavin chuckled and send her a few barfing smileys followed by a “Good night”. Now to the boring part of sitting alone in some office for the rest of the night.

When he looked back up again from a game on his phone, he had to do a double take. Then his heart skipped a beat. Were this… Were this android’s eyes open? ‘Oh hell no…’ Gavin had seen enough horror movies not to dare look away from the screen. But at some point, he did have to blink. And there: The previously open eyes were shut again. ‘Phck.’ Gavin quickly pulled up Tina’s texts again, frantically typing in the hopes she had just told him she would be off to bed to scroll through shit posts in peace before sleep. The sentence wasn’t completely typed in as Gavin glanced up and would have nearly fallen off his chair.

The android had moved.

Broken arm at his side, the android had turned and looked into the camera out of one icy blue working eye. Oh no, oh no, oh no…

>Tian, if im ded tomoewrr call the polife! >address is

He looked up again and saw the android that had stared him down had vanished from the feed. Shit. Gavin put the phone away and flipped through the different cams. Not a trace of the android. But when he had circled back again, another android had moved. One that couldn’t walk and crawled across the floor. Gavin hadn’t seen it moving, but it was staring at him. And slowly the shattered hull plates distorted into a crooked grin. Oh, phck this, seriously! The one time Gavin had agreed to do something nice and promptly the universe punished him for it!

He would have loved to just shut off the feeds and pretend all was right, but maybe this time not knowing was worse than the alternative. The next time he had to blink the android was gone again. Okay. He had to remain calm. Two androids on the loose, knowing someone was watching. He tried to keep his breathing slow and deep, but it didn’t do jack shit. He stood up from his seat and stared at the camera feeds. Another one was gone and another one, the creepy one with a broken jaw, was moving. Gavin was seconds from fleeing the building as he heard a noise. Then the lights went out with a crack. Gavin stood in total darkness, his heartbeat leaping into his throat. Someone had cut the power to the room. Not only the light had died suddenly, the cams were gone too. He knew the fuses were just outside the door. But he really didn’t want to go out there. Not when four and possibly more androids were on the run with only the knowledge from before the android revolution to go off of.

He finally worked up his courage and moved around the table, hand outstretched to feel his way to the door. He tried to unlock his phone with one hand and used the screen to light the floor a few feet in front of him. He reached for the cover of the fuse box and ripped it open to find the right lever. He pushed the fuse back in and immediately the lights flashed on. Gavin slammed the cover shut again and froze as he saw a figure at the end of the hallway. It was the one-armed with the blue eyes. Why did it have to be the most intact? Why? Gavin cursed, but his flight instinct set in as the figure began moving towards him. He ran back into the surveillance room and pulled the door shut behind him. For a moment there was only his heavy breathing and the door in front of him. He was safe. The bot wouldn’t be able to break through solid metal after all.

He turned around and stood face to face with two androids. It was the one that had previously been crawling over the floor held up by the one with the broken jaw. ‘Hello’, they said simultaneously out of broken mouths, voices distorted by static. Gavin screamed in shock. They would get him. They were in the room and Gavin wouldn’t be out fast enough to escape. So, he could only press against the metal door and hold up his hands in defence. He waited for the first blow to hit him and pressed his eyes close.

It didn’t come. Instead the door in his back gave way and he fell backwards into three strong hands, that pushed him back into a standing position. By now, Gavin was shaking all over, but the fact that he hadn’t been killed yet made him open one eye. The two androids supporting each other had backed up a bit and the two in his back had moved around to join them. The one-armed with the blue eyes stepped towards him, offering a hand. ‘Hello, I am RK900, this is Ralph’, he pointed to the one next to him. ‘And this is Ralph and Daniel.’ The three others gave him an awkward little wave.

‘W-What do you want?’, Gavin asked, not daring to take the hand the RK900 still held out for him. ‘We have been woken up. Tomorrow we will be repaired. We wanted to thank you for keeping an eye on us.’ Gavin stood there dumbfounded and managed to lean his back against the table not to collapse. ‘We are sorry if we scared you’, the one introduced as Jerry added. Gavin sighed, adrenaline now vanished from his systems causing him to feel nothing but exhaustion. He rubbed his forehead. ‘Are you alright?’, the RK900 asked. ‘The cameras don’t record sound, this was the only way to reach you.’

Gavin groaned and took out his phone to give Tina the all-clear first. ‘Yeah, I’m alright. I suppose I just watched a few horror movies too many…’

#Detroit become human #dbh #dbh Halloween #Halloween short #Gavin Reed #five nights at freddy's au

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starstaiined · 5 years ago

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Would You Lie With Me & Just Forget The World?

Chapter 2

SUMMARY: The world is a dangerous place. It can be big, scary, and almost overwhelmingly dark. But despite all the negative aspects, despite all the pain and turmoil, Katherine Howard has always found a brief reprieve in the other queens. Particularly, in her older cousin. (And as loathe as they are to admit it, the other queens have to agree with her.) Anne Boleyn can be chaotic, wild, and reckless … but she’s also passionate, kind, and effervescent. Her boundless energy acts as a barrier against the bad in the world. But when that barrier breaks and the world turns on its head, can Kat manage to navigate the turbulent waters without her cousin by her side?

CHAPTER ONE //

TW: Implied abuse/neglect, Implied sexual abuse, Panic Attack, Car crash

A/N: sorry this chapter took so long! I ended up having to trim parts out and it isn’t as smooth as I was hoping for, but this is one of the rougher chapters to set up because of all the background. (I’m setting this in my own AU verse/idea that I’m still writing up the lore for, if anyone wants to hmu for that feel free!)

TAGGING: @the10amongstthese3s @radcowboyalmondtree @tonight-we-are-live @the-queen-bee-is-here @everything-insanity @whoufflewhovian200311 (if you want to be added, just reply to this post, send me an ask, or hit up my ims! these are the people I know who were interested!)

“Annie, I’m scared.”

Anne froze, the almost inaudible admission tugging at her heart. She climbed down from the garage roof as easily as she’d climbed up. “You don’t need to be scared, Kit. I’ve got you, okay? Just trust me.” Anne smiled mischievously, shooting her brightest gap toothed grin at her cousin.

Kitty visibly relaxed, and Anne showed Kitty how to use the materials lining the side of the building to get to the top. (After it, it wasn’t more than a few feet in the air.) But as ordinary as the view may have been, it was extraordinary because they were there together.

Anne dropped to book bag she’d brought with her, unrolling the blanket and wrapping it around Kat’s shoulders. “Can’t let the birthday girl get too cold now, can I?” She asked with a teasing grin. She reached into the bookbag, unaware of the surprise on her cousin’s face. She handed Kat some silly plushie she picked up at the store, and a (terribly smashed) attempt at a cupcake.

“You...you remembered?” Kat asked, looking down at the presents her cousin gave her as if they were the greatest thing in the world. The genuine shock in her voice startled Anne.

“Of course I did Kit...why wouldn’t I? It’s not everyday your favorite cousin turns seven, after all.”

“Dad and the boys sometimes forget...” Kitty attempted to appear nonchalant, although it was obvious she was upset.

“They do what?” Anne growled, and Kitty flinched away at the change in her voice. Not now, Anne chided herself, using every ounce of teenage self restraint she had in order to plaster on the cheesiest grin she could muster. “I’m sure they’re just...planning a surprise or something.”

“Maybe.” Kat mumbled, but it was clear she didn’t believe it.

They sat in silence, before Anne’s lips curved back into their usual grin. She nudged her younger cousin. “Why don’t you spend the night? We can play board games and watch movies. I’ll even let you-oh.”

She’d been cut off mid sentence by a hug, and found Katherine peering up at her. “You’re the bestest, Annie! I love you.” The younger girl’s face shone with excitement that hadn’t been there moments earlier.

Anne couldn’t help but mirror that joy. She ruffled Kit’s hair, laughing at the expression it produced. “I love you too, Kit. And I’m here for you. Always.”

But their short moment was cut short as her father’s voice echoed up from the ground down below. “ANNE BOLEYN, GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW! THE LAST THING WE NEED IS YOUR POOR HABITS RUBBING OFF ON LITTLE KATHER-”

And with that, Anne woke with a start. She damn near fell off her bed with a yell, catching herself last minute and blinking sleep out of her eyes. The other side of the bed was empty. Thank god. It meant Kat had slept with Jane instead, and she hadn’t accidently interrupted what little sleep the girl managed to get. Anne flopped back down on her bed with a sigh. Her heart hammered against her ribcage, energy buzzing in her exhausted muscles demanding that she get moving. She glanced at the alarm clock. 6:03 A.M.

Well, that was as good a time as any to start the day, wasn’t it? She rolled out of bed, quietly, and made her way to the bathroom. She ran through her usual morning routines : brushing her teeth, throwing her hair up in a tight bun, changing out of her pajamas and into running gear. By six thirty, she was ready to run. With her headphones fixed firmly in her ears and music blasting, she let her muscles guide her. The song playing pulled up another memory, a little fuzzy around the edges but still soft enough to pull a smile from her.

Family Christmas parties, everybody’s favorite time. Except not really. Anne dealt with it as best she could, which was ignoring damn near everyone and doing her own thing. She was choreographing a dance routine to a song that had just come out, earbuds in and focus completely on the movement of each muscle in time with the beat. Which is why she didn’t notice George until it was too late. He slammed into her side roughly, knocking her off her feet and sending her sliding across the floor. Anne stared slack jawed for a moment, recovering her breath, before yelling “What the fuck George!”

“Careful Ninon, don’t let dear old dad hear you using that language.” George answered with a smirk, towering over her. The gleam in his eyes made it clear he was in one of his moods, which meant Anne was in for it. If there was one thing George excelled at, it was pushing her buttons.

“Why don’t you go bother Mary for once?”

“Because Mary’s actually socializing with the family, unlike you.”

“Sorry, not sorry, but I’m trying to have fun. I’m not interested in being judged for stupid reasons, okay? I just want to be left alone.”

“Don’t want to be judged, don’t give them reasons to judge you. It’s simple, really.” George answered with a shrug. “Besides, considering your …. reputation I don’t think they’re stupid reas-”

“I don’t really care about your opinion, George.” Anne snapped, face immediately heating up. She pushed herself to her feet, taking a couple steps away from him. “Maybe you should shut up.”

“Maybe you should stop being such a sl-” He didn’t get to finish that thought as a pink blur knocked into his legs. It caught him off guard; he flailed his arms wildly to no avail and ended up tripping over his own feet and landing on his ass. Anne blinked in surprise. George pushed himself to his feet quickly, visibly seething. “What the fuck!”

Ten year old Katherine Howard, about two feet shorter and at least a hundred pounds lighter, didn’t break eye contact with George from where she’d positioned herself; she stood directly in front of Anne as if she were a human shield. “Sorry, didn’t see you there.” She deadpanned.

“Brat.” George hissed, pointing a finger at the young girl menacingly.

Kat just shrugged, but she could feel her hands trembling. “Takes one to know one, right?”

Anne laughed, making her brother’s face flush six different shades of red. George, thoroughly humiliated and beyond angry, stormed off. Almost immediately Kat’s shoulders deflated. Anne pulled her younger cousin into a side hug. “KitKat, you are my hero.”

“We’re family.” Kat answered back, her voice muffled by Anne’s shoulder. “We always protect each other, don’t we?”

Anne smiled. “We do.”

The memory faded. The burning in her muscles, and the unfamiliarity in her surroundings, made it clear she’d gotten lost in her head longer than she’d meant to. Crap. It took her nearly an hour to find her way back. She made a beeline straight for the fridge once she did. She gave the calendar a quick glance as she opened the fridge to pull out a carton of orange juice, before doing a double take.

November 4th. Kitty’s birthday was less than a week away! How in the hell had that happened? Anne was usually on top of these things, but between the interviews and the show and her work on choreo...she could feel guilt flooding her system. Shit. She wracked her brain, trying to remember whether or not Kitty had been acting strange recently. She’d seemed a little lethargic but Anne had chalked that up to being overworked with the show…

She didn’t think twice. She rushed up to Cleves room, flinging the door open in a panic as she shook the other girl. “Anna!” She hissed, voice low but pressing. “Anna, wake up!”

“Anne…?” Anna asked groggily. “What time is it…”

“It’s eight.”

“What are you doing up? We didn’t go to bed until almost tw-”

“Shh, that doesn’t matter right now. I’m going to the store. Do you want to come?”

Anne’s voice brimmed with urgency, but Anna was too tired to register it. She buried herself deeper into her blankets. “With your driving? No thank you, Miss Boleyn, I choose life.” She waved a hand dismissively, eyes never so much as cracking open. The warmth of her bed was too enticing.

Anne heaved a sigh, but accepted Anna’s answer. She ran to the kitchen, scribbled a quick note on a post it, and attached it to the fridge.

Need to run some errands. Urgent. Be back later. XO, Anne.

And with that she disappeared through the door, the orange juice still sitting forgotten on the counter.

The shopping went quickly. Or well, as quickly as it could go when Anne Boleyn was involved. She spent hours loading her cart with Kitty’s favorite snacks and movies, picked up random little knick knacks that she thought Kitty might like. (Hell, she even managed to find some cute presents for the rest of the queens.) Brimming with excitement about her haul, and eager to show it to the others, Anne was in a phenomenal mood when she hopped back in the car. She was jamming along to every song coming over the radio, grinning from ear to ear.

The buzzing of her phone on the seat next to her snapped Anne out of her private karaoke concert. It was probably just Kat calling to check up on her. She could feel warmth spreading through her chest as she let out a breathless giggle, turning down the music and running a quick hand through her hair. She found Kitty’s worry endearing, although she half wished Kitty would realize that Anne would be fine. After all, she always was.

She half debated it letting it ring to voicemail, just until she could answer without taking her hands off the wheel. That was….until the name on the caller ID caught her attention.

THOMAS HOWARD.

Suddenly, all the mirth she’d felt drained out of her like air out of a popped balloon. She hadn’t spoken to her uncle in YEARS. The last time she’d seen him was the day that she had left, Kitty tucked under one arm and spare clothes under the other. He made good on his promise to ostracize both of them.

Kitty’s head is buried in the crook of her neck, tears staining the collar of her shirt. “I’m sorry,” Kitty chokes out between sobs, barely comprehensible. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Anne, it’s my fault. It’s all my fault.”

Anne could feel a storm building beneath her skin, aching to break free and wreck every single person that had driven her cousin to this. SHE WAS A CHILD! But over the last few years, Anne had watched the light drain from her eyes. She was just kicking herself for not realizing what was going on earlier… But she can’t focus on that. Not right now. Instead she rubs soothing circles on Katherine’s back, rocking the girl back and forth. “It isn’t your fault, Kit.” Emotion rubbed her voice raw, and it takes everything in her not to cry. “None of it is. Not a damn thing. Do you hear me? Not a single damn thing.”

If anything, that just seems to make Kat cry harder. “It is, it is Annie. I know it, and he knew it, and, and, and everyone knows it.” She’s cut off by a sob that shakes her frail shoulders. “He knew it, he said it, he-”

“He’s a piece of shit, Kit! I’m sorry, but it’s true. Your dad sucks. I wish it weren’t true, I wish you could’ve had the life you deserve. Somewhere far away from this bullshit.” Anne croaked out, a few silent tears falling as she fought to maintain a steady voice. “But you didn’t get that, instead life gave you a crappy hand and I’m sorry. I’m sorry about everything. But I can promise you one thing.” Anne tucked Kitty’s head under her chin. “I know it isn’t much, but I’m here for you. Always. Whatever you want, whatever you need, I’m right here. And I’m always going to be right here, okay?”

With a few sniffling breaths, Kitty nodded. Slowly, hesitantly, she held out a hand with her pinkie extended. In a small voice, she asked, “Pinkie promise?”

Anne was all too happy to link their fingers. “Pinkie promise.”

They made themselves more comfortable in the living room, still a tangle of limbs but this time a tangle of limbs under a blanket. Before drifting off to sleep, Kitty squeezed Anne’s hand. “Annie?” She asked, drowsily.

“Hm?”

“Earlier...earlier you said that you weren’t much...but you are. Okay? You’re the best. And I love you. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Anne squeezed her hand gently three times. I love you. “Don’t worry KitKat, you’ll never have to find out.”

Anne’s thoughts flashed to every time since then that Kitty’s tears staining the collar of her shirt, to the way the poor girl had trembled from nightmares that stole her breath. She remembered rushing out on errands like this, doing anything and everything to pull a smile out of her cousin, who spent the week leading up to her birthday WISHING for that call from the rest of the family. Thomas Howard failed as a father consistently over the past two years, and there’s almost no one Anne hates more. (When she thinks of him, all she can see is Kat trembling, crying out my fault, my fault, my fault. Just thinking about it makes her jaw clench.) Even now, in what she assumes is an attempt to make amends, he was calling her and not Kitty!

She reached over, answering it swiftly and bringing it to her ear. “Don’t. I don’t want to hear what you have to say, I need you to shut the hell up for two seconds and listen to me, Thomas.” Anger boiled in her veins and sharpened her tongue, but blurred everything else. In the haze of her own hatred, her focus on the phone pressed to her ear, she missed the truck that was swerving on a path directly towards her.

#six the musical #six the musical fanfic #beheaded cousins #anne boleyn #katherine howard #Would You Just Lay Here?#<-- it has a tag now!#THANK YOU FOR THE LOVE honestly its what keeps me writing sometimes #i'm already working on the next few chapters #don't worry #BUT YEAH LOTS OF PAIN IN STORE but what can you expect from a grey's anatomy inspired fic?#okay im done rambling im gonna go to sleep

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dontmesswithnoheroin · 4 years ago

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somebody just submitted this into my inbox and im wheezing omfg

If you can still give Gal Gaddot dignity and acknowledge her humanity even when she doesn’t care about the lives of thousands of Palestinian people under military brutality and war crimes, also partook in idf, then WHY can’t you do the same for Sia’s autism misrep scandal and the rest of them? WHY?! They probably feel the same as Gal when you fling them poop too! So cut this selective “teaching a lesson to”?! Leave all alone or call all out, don’t be a double standard shitfuck!

Look, don’t throw literal shit at Gal G-dot, but don’t deny her slipups and crimes too! #FreePalestine 🇵🇸

Come on, it is obviously known she did:

- Serve in the IDF during the 2006 Lebanon fiasco

- Expressed her support and praise IDF from time to time even after her mandatory service, her most famous one being the 2014 Gaza bombings which lost 4 boys. Even Holocaust survivors in the Haaretz spoke out against that incident saying it’s gone too far. Never apologized or retracted that. That specific FB post also still up.

- Allegedly responded poorly to a former friend’s r*pe and blamed the friend while defending the perpetrator

- Talks about her military service with pride and “how it has helped her play WW” despite simps’ claims that she hated IDF but was forced to do that

- Subtly mass stereotype all Palestinians and MENA Muslims as ‘terrorists’ and ‘inferior stock’ in her community. Have you seen WW84’s hateful writing?

Why people don’t care about Palestinians or military brutality war crimes in this case:

- “Gal is too hot and cute!!!12!! I’m gay for her!!!11!!”

- Gotten too attached to her thru watching her “relatable moments” and funny or sweet-presenting propaganda where she “being herself”…'psycho’ actresses sure can mask well, can’t they?

- Tried to hamster away her exact words by claiming she sorta apologized in some other way or “said something to counter that!!11!!1”. She only stood up for Arabs with Israeli citzenship ONLY, still not the Palestinian neighbours so simps stop bluffing! And saying “peeaceeee” multiple times is so vague. Does that word to Gal imply taking Palestine land and genociding the children?!

- pull the “Palestine is not oppressed” card. But when you just attack neutral run-of-the-mill Palestinian citizens and families and prevent vaccine supplies from them and go beyond apartheid, you know you’ve crossed some serious lines and can conclude Palestine is oppressed too.

- feel sympathy for her even though they hypocritically say “you shouldn’t feel sympathy for supremacists or terfs or military bootlickers!!!11!!“

- they have become stupid simps for her

All while no problem attacking and cancelling other people like Sia, Gina, Letitia Wright - NOT defending or condoning their deeds too but Gal is in such a similar boat don’t excuse it. At least Sia never was a sergeant or cheered on the bombing of a certain area

How do you scrub this kind of idiotic self-righteous hypocrisy and pious smugness?!?! If you can still give Gal dignity and acknowledge her humanity even with blood on her hands and beliefs, then WHY can’t you do the same for the rest of them? WHY?! They probably feel the same as Gal when you fling them poop too! So cut this selective "teaching a lesson to”?! Leave all alone or call all out, don’t be a double standard shitfuck! And Maddie Ziegler supports Sia but that does not mean she is defending the movie, she was just doing interviews!

Edit: Admit that the USA’s coverups and censorship of Gal’s pro-idf and borderline supremacist views also helped some!

You know America is all about stanning Israel and military, same with their allies, so obviously not letting too many know about Gal’s statements and putting out good propaganda of her to cover it would boost.

When US wants her as a token, they will have her as a token.

Edit 2: Just to be clear, Israel can have their areas but let Palestinians have some land too. And don’t go genocidal on them for it

Okay sis first of all I haven’t even seen Wonder Woman, if I simped for Gal Gadot some years ago it is because I am a wlw and was not aware of what she stands for. I’ve had this blog for over 10 fucking years of my life, starting when I was 15. I simped for a lot of bad people and I probably used the n-word, the r-word and a bunch of shit I’m not proud of. This blog is a personal journal to me, something I’ve used to grow in years which were really hard in my life, and I’ve probably posted a bunch of shit that should have never been posted. If I’ve ever defended Gal Gadot, among the 30,000 posts I posted on this blog in the past, then I admit, I was wrong.

But you literally coming here writing me this essay, it’s hysterical to me that you took your time to write this all out. Obviously you have some frustrations in your life that makes you write this shit, I know that all my frustrated posts on this page at celebrities, billionaires, etc, all come from simple life frustrations and I come here to vent. I post my posts as if nobody was ever gonna read them because I’m a nobody on this site, and nobody in life in terms of reach. It’s funny to me that you decided to equate some post I made years ago (how did you even find those??? i have literal 1000s of pages on my tumblr) with what I say about Sia. Autism happens to be very personal to me. And although I feel very strongly about what’s going on in Palestine and support the Palestinians (which I also posted about in the past, I’m pretty sure I also reblogged shit about Gal Gadot you mention but I guess you haven’t found those posts on my blog), I do not have as much of a personal connection to it, so I don’t post about it as much. And I’m still bewildered, where did I say I like Gal Gadot??? Last I recall I posted about Gal Gadot organizing this fucking disaster of a pandemic celebrity song contest.

But anyway, all this being said, you literally cannot come to people and bash them for not being ideologically pure. I’m 26 so I don’t give two shits about what you think of me, but there are teenagers on this site that really take this stuff personally. That get anxious about not being the perfect humans, invested in all issues at once. Everyone fights their own battles, sis. We can’t all support all causes at once. I will never support Israel but I can’t single handedly change the situation of the Palestinians, and especially not through a fucking tumblr post. So while I’m gonna post this, because maybe some people want to get educated about what goes on, why don’t we just quit making people feel guilty for not being aware about every single bad thing any celebrity did at all times? Like, I think the volunteer work I do with refugees in my country in real life helps much more than bashing celebrities online about their ideology on a blog nobody is ever gonna look at twice.

Maybe I’m too old and this is just a troll but it’s pretty incredible to me that you come into my inbox calling me all kinda shit. If you’re having a bad day, a frustrating time in the pandemic, sorry sis. Me too. Hope this venting helped you.

Yours truly,

Double Standards Shitfuck <3

#long post #ppl be calling me names on this gay morning #submission

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blackgirlblues · 5 years ago

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Being A Black Girl: And Chasing Your Dreams.. Yikes.

Hi,

It’s me, your resident black girl back with some new shit to rant about. I’ve been posting a few screenshots of short poems and paragraphs I’ve been writing on my phone as a way to heal and get over Capricorn boy from my last post on here and I see you guys like and reblog. Thank you for showing love, although it makes me sad that so many of you seem to be going through the same range of emotions I am. I’m sorry.

I know it’s a lonely place to be in.

But, on the bright side, I’ve got a lot of new followers joining the diary/manual/rant page that is blackgirlology and it’s nice cause I think it’s becoming a little bit of a community. So, in a way, were never really going through any of these emotions alone. If you’ve found this page-you’re part of a community. Bask in it.

Anyways, that aside, a lot has happened since I last spoke to you. I don’t know if any of you may remember, and for some new people this will be a surprise. But I’m actually a singer songwriter from Ireland. Moved to London a year and a half ago to pursue my music dream and that’s how I met Capricorn boy whos been the source of all my poems.

Throughout this time in between, I’ve been trying to chase my dreams, and chase them relentlessly. and this summer i did just that, let me tell you, what im about to tell you guys, is to put it simply, wild. I’ll just cut to the chase.

It all started in July. I’d been in London for quite a long time now, over a year and now have a manager who’s my best friend first and foremost. We’ll call her Maya. I met her in my first week of moving to London in the student halls I was staying at and we became best friends pretty quick. She studies music business, so it made sense and she just naturally ended up taking up the role as my music manager. Shes seen everything. The songs I wrote about Capricorn boy, the tears, everything. And she saw everything this summer.

I saw an ad for a record label opportunity in London. It was advertised on my university facebook page; a new indie label, looking for demo submissions for a competition they were setting up to find their new signee. I sent a screenshot to Maya who agreed I should send my stuff in. I did, they liked it, I got a meeting, we were sent terms and conditions for the competition. We signed it, the rest was supposed to be history.

Big yikes.

There’s so many layers to this story that I will be shortening it, just because it can get very draining for me to talk about or even write about. I’ve healed from it i think, but I still want to put it here and write it about to finally close that chapter and be done with my feelings about what happened to me and my music.

Basically, the whole competition, the record label, the dickhead CEO, it was all a scam. I had accidentally signed away the master rights to my new song to a record label started by a fake CEO who was committing fraud and known for tricking young artists into handing over their master rights so he could profit off of them, for power.

It was a mess. Another contestant told me and Maya when we were outside of their office. Just minutes before we were under the impression that I was doing an interview for Billboard Magazine. Honestly, I never truly believed it. Shit was too good to be true.

But she told us everything. How he was actually a run away from Spain, where he was caught and exposed for doing the exact same thing to artists there, how he didn’t have any money to fund the competition he had somehow roped all of us into, how he was illegally avoiding paying his team, how none of the creatives we had collaborated with for photoshoots etc were paid, how everything was a lie, how he didnt have any connections, and how he was trying to convince me specifically to sign a 360 deal with his label.

Which, guys, I’m not stupid. After the first week of being with the label for the competition and letting my song live through their disastrous marketing campaign, Maya and I long decided that regardless of what they said, I would not under any circumstances be signing anything with any entity of their company.

After being told the truth, I had to sit down. You see, when I came across this opportunity, I thought this was finally the life I’d been manifesting coming true. I had begun to grow in my spirituality and start journaling, writing down my manifestations, and getting to work with a record label who would later offer me a fair contract before I turn 20 was one of the manifestations I had written down every night before I went to bed. However, what I’d gotten was the exact opposite.

I remember, me, Maya, and 2 of the girls from the competition all stood around in a circle outside of their new office that the CEO also hadnt paid for wondering what our next move would be with this new information. There was still 2 other contestants inside who had no idea what was really going on was an elaborate scam. One of them wanted to go in and expose them on the spot. I said no, we had to go in and pretend like everything was normal until we figured out what to do afterwards.

So in I went, plastering the fakest smile on my face and pretended like I still thought I was about to be speaking with Billboard Magazine. Once I got out, I broke down in Maya’s arms.

I went home to my flatmates, Ellie and Bea and cried for hours before I had to go work a 7 hour shift at a pizza place.

I stayed in bed, and cried, and cried. and cried again. I didn’t get out of bed unless I needed too. The only people I talked too were my flatmates E and B and Maya.

Everything was sorted out eventually, a lot more happened, but as I’ve been writing this article for you guys, I realised that all of that stuff is no longer relevant to my journey and isnt something I want to bring back into my energetic circle because I’ve made peace with the fact that a lot of people who betrayed me when I was at my lowest, peace with the fact that these contestants who wanted to “work together” to get out of this mess, actually wanted to save their own asses and leave me in the cold.

But I still got out of it and I’m still here.

I nearly got sued by a man with less than 20 pound to his company account online, but hey, I’m here.

I guess why I’m telling you guys this really short account of my summer is to both record it for myself but also to say its okay to flop, its okay to fail. I did both this summer. and thank god i did. it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

following your dreams is scary, doing it as a black girl is terrifying because society has already kind of set you up to fail. there’s already misconceptions about what you do, who you are, where you come from and how good you’re going to be at what you do. its almost like we cant fail and we need to work 10 times harder to obtain half of what the average white person will get. and sometimes it can feel like we dont have any space to fail or make mistakes because of this but let me tell you thats not true.

if anything, the universe will put you in places that will force you to grow through the mistakes you make. and thats exactly what happened to me this summer.

i chased my dream so relentlessly i ended up in an environment i thought i manifested, i thought was good for me, only for the universe to show me that that specific environment i’d been wishing to be in is the furthest from what i need right now in my life.

this so called failure showed me that not everybody who smiles can be trusted, and that people can be way more deceiving than i ever thought, especially when push comes to shove and they need to save themselves. you start to see the real them when it starts to get tense. the people who seem to be around you when you’re doing good will most likely dissapear when things start to go south, including some of your oldest friends. you will get radio silence on their end. be upset. cry. but after that be glad that this situation revealed their true colours.

and then never put any more energy into them again.

this failure showed me how fucking strong i am. how resilient and kind i am even in the face of disrespect and actual evil. it showed me how much i can care for someone who i believe is at a risk of losing it all, and showed me that this will not always be reciprocated. and for a while i thought that meant that i had to harden myself up and grow a shell. but i dont think so. i will not allow the things ive been through to make me into a hard person when i was born soft. i mean now, im a little rough around the edges, jagged enough to cut anyone who comes too close with some of that bad energy, but soft enough to hold myself tight and glue myself back together when i need to. soft enough to hold the people who held me this summer. soft enough to help people who i know deserve it.

im a good person in a shitty world, i don’t need to match the world and become a shitty person to survive.

after all of this happened, i stopped writing music.

i haven’t written anything properly or produced anything in months and sometimes i get worried that ive completely lost my talent. but thats another thing that this failure taught me, i can never truly lose whats meant to be mine. i know that i was put on this earth to create change, to inspire, to be an activist and a voice for people who dont have one. i know i was put here to do it through a creative medium and right now i still think that is music.

i think i just need to stop being so scared to start again, to learn my craft again.

i used to be so scared of failure but now i am so thankful for it and the lessons its taught me. i had so much hurt and pain and hatred in my heart for the universe for, in my head, doing this to me. but then i realised that the universe never does anything to you, it does it for you. all of this happened in my best interest and while i definitely didnt understand at the time, i get it now.

thank you universe for the worst summer of my life.

and my black ass will be continuing to chase my dreams relentlessly, failing, tripping and falling on my ass until i get to the very top.

besides, if everything had just gone right, that wouldnt have been very interesting, would it?

#blackgirlology #black girl #black power #black love #black blogger #Black Blogs #music #blog #blogger #journal #journaling #diary entry #diary of a black girl #diary #dear diary #tumblr diary #dreams

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uayv · 5 years ago

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i just realized its been a little over a year since I graduated and had to pull my shit together to find a job. heres some tips if anyone feels a little lost and some examples from my own struggles.

start with your cv! whether you’re applying for a summer internship program or fresh outta uni trying to figure out how you’re supposed to navigate the job market, start with your cv. take every little thing you’ve ever done and construct something out of it! look at any extracurriculars youve done or any interests and skill you’ve picked up over the years and figure out. i literally got my foot in the door because i learned how to read html/css on tumblr so i kinda dropped it in my interests and mentioned it in my interview and im pretty sure it gave me a bit of an edge for getting the position.

window shop a little! there are so many jobs and job expectations out there! take a look around and familiarize yourself. getting yourself acquainted with the market and the language that people use is super important and can help you go back and polish up your cv to fit it. I struggled with this a little bit myself. I went to uni in canada but came back to hk so the entry position names and the terms that they used for recruiting was pretty different (idk if its the same for other places but uhhh like in hk all the entry level/fresh grad positions are ‘executive’ positions lmao which i did not know). i would say definitely try to figure out key terms or skills that will make it easier to filter your search.

dont preemptively disqualify yourself! apply to jobs that you dont think you’re fully qualified for. literally. actually. apply. im not saying like shoot for the something unreasonable. but dont be turned off by postings that expect more years or more experience than you have. dont disqualify yourself before you even get the chance to try. the worst that could happen is you dont get a response. the best that could happen is you get called in for an interview. either or its still just another part of the process! everyones gotta start somewhere with experience so just give yourself the chance to get some.

alter your cv’s and cover letters! everyone says it. actually do it. have one basic cv that has everything on it. thats your building block and probably the cv you can use to send out to general jobs that youre kinda interested in but really just shooting your shot just to try. when you see a job you’re really interested in or really fits a certain skill or background that you have then create another cv that accentuates those skills! you gotta mold yourself a little to fit the image that the person whose hiring you is looking for. tailor your cover letters a little to the company and the job posting and align yourself for the position. its the same concept as buying the right shoes for the right sports. youre not gonna wear converse to a 100m sprint. and youre not gonna send him some generic cover letter to a job youre really aiming for.

make a spreadsheet! i literally applied to so many jobs that i couldnt keep track without the spreadsheet. it was helpful for if i got a call for an interview and had to go back to reference what the exact expectations for the post was. mine looked like this (company; position applied for; location; date applied; where i found it; a response column; and a details column that linked to the job posting’) but for sure tailor yours to your own job search. [yes i applied to like almost 150 jobs but yknow most were just shots in the dark for shits and giggles]

dont necessarily take the first job you hear back from! congrats maybe you got an interview and got an offer! don’t be scared to say no. unless its a job that you know you’re really gunning for and super interested in, i wouldnt advise to settle if you can afford not to. the tip i gave my friend was to think about whether or not you still wanted to look for other jobs when you receive the offer. i know this is a luxury not everyone can decide to take but if you can then do so. if you cant afford the extra search time, then take the job as a learning opportunity. like i said before everyone has to start somewhere if theyre gaining experience.

give yourself a break.. dudes its hard to transition out of a system thats been guiding you since you essentially knew how to write your name. if you get the chance give yourself a break and dont continually get stressed about this. take a breather, schedule some time outta your day. if youre trying then a job will come. the right one.

edit: i wanted to also add some general places to look at for postings

linkedin / indeed.com - both let you create cv’s, job search, save jobs youre interested in, and quick apply. theyre good places to start just cause there’s so many postings. dont just look at the jobs, look at the companies and sister companies.

go directly to a company you’re interested in - if youve got an interest in working with a certain person or company, literally go to the website and see if theres a hiring/contact/linkedin for the company and directly apply there. send a email! there’s bound to be a way to contact them (lmao respectfully pls)

check out some university job boards - some are public, or if youve just graduated there might still be access for you. my uni also had a ‘jobs’ facebook page. dont forget about alumni groups if your school might have one. alumni groups are literally made for you to connect and try to open opportunities.

graduateland / angellist / jobsdb (if ur in asia) - check out the smaller more ‘boutique’ places that are more tailored to ur geo or interests. like for example angellist is mostly for startups and smaller companies.

#job tips #no one asked for advice but here is some #i had no help but google when i was job searching outta uni #if you want help like im here for you my dudes #joyce voice #this feels generic #but yknow im also self indulging for possible future self unemployment #lmao also just thought about how some of ya'll are yung and have a while to go before these worries #enjoy ur time kiddos

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fcking-lets-go · 6 years ago

Text

Gwilym x Reader (and Joe x Carboard! Reader) Headcannons

@borhap-socials was seeking something like this, and I was bored. Hope ya guys enjoy this XD

Warning: Swears

Sooooooo, you were hanging out with Joe and Ben at night.

Baby Gwilym was out getting interview sessions done, and going on talk shows.

He wouldn’t be done for another night, and you didn’t want to be alone.

So here your are, watching Scream for no good reason, while drinking with your best friends.

You happened to be at Joe’s house for the night, fyi.

Which means, a safe place to crash if you’re hammered (don’t drink and drive kids)

BUT, that also means a certain cut out is lying around the area.

While looking for some snacks, you found said cardboard cut out of Benny in his closet and pull the thing out.

The thing was honestly so cool, knowing that your best friend was so popular that they made a Carboard cutout of him.

“.....aaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAA”

Ben and Joe bolted up to the couch and met up to you to see why you were groaning.

“What the fuck was that?!”

“....BENNY IM JEALousssss”

They lost their shit when they what you were holding.

“...girl, you’re drunk” Joe manages to say through wheezes

“But Joeyyyyy it’s not fairrrr. There’s a literal Carboard cut out of my cool best friend. Mean while, boring me doesn’t get cool stuff like thisssss”.

You had to admit having celebrities as your friends and boyfriend made you jealous of their recognition.

Where as you were just a writer that was slowly making it out in the world.

It gets hard sometimes.

The two started to notice you were getting tears eyed, so they engulfed you in a hug and proceeded to carry you to Joe’s guest room for the night.

They hated seeing you like this, and honestly saw you as their sister.

They wanted you to feel special.

That’s where Joe comes up with an idea.

He runs to the kitchen and pull out his laptop.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Ben, do you have that pic of (y/n) from the oscars”

“...yeah why?”

“Send it to me NOw”

The very confused Brit pulled out his phone and started to search the pic.

Gwil asked Ben to take it for him, since (oddly enough) gwil had no room on his phone.

It was a full body shot of you in an elegant black, sleeveless dress with a white gem gradient at the skirt.

“Joe, before i ask. How much did you drink tonight?”

“Shat up”

“...Ok now I have to ask. What the fuck are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m ordering a cardboard cut out of (y/n)”

“What?”

Surely enough, there on the screen was Joe’s order of one life size cut out of their best friend on his screen.

“What the fuck Joe?!”

“Look you saw how sad she was when she saw your cutout. And what she said....dude I think she’s jealous of the recognition we get as celebs”

“...again how drunk are you?”

“Goddammit Ben, I’m trying to be nice! Take me serious for once”

“Alright alright, damn”

“Thank you!”

.......

“...you know, if your want me to take you serious, then put it on express”

“FINE!!”

They stayed up late editing that pic.

Ben managed to find a way to get it the next day with the express, IF they physically picked it up from the store.

Knowing that you would be a bit hungover in the morning. They made a compromise that Joe would go to the store to pick it up, while Ben would stay back and hangout with you.

Easy!

Just as they were setting up for the day, Ben got a text from Gwilym.

He was finished with interviews earlier than expected and said that he was an hour away from their area.

He mentioned that he was texting you, but he was worried that you weren’t responding.

Ben not really thinking, texted Gwil that you were still at Joe’s house and told him to head there where he could pick you up.

It was probably 7am, where they checked in on you

Surely enough, the predicted hangover was evident as your body slept in.

It gave Joe a chance to sneak out, and Ben to surprise you with a nice breakfast.

(Small note, Ben had a hard time finding the pots and pans, which made him realize that Joe doesn’t cook much)

Maybe an hour or so passed, and he was finishing up washing some dishes as he cooked, but then the door bell rung.

Ben started smirking to himself, thinking it was Joe with the cutout of you and ran to the door.

“Hey Ben”

“Oh hey, Gwil you’re back”

Nope not Joe.

Gwilym was smiling, glad to be back in a familiar environment after dealing with long interviews with random strangers.

He hugged his best friend before stepping in.

“Is she still asleep?”

“Yeah. (Y/n) drank quite a bit last night. Might be hungover, but probably just tired”

“Of course hah. Wait, where’s Joe?”

“Oh um, that’s a long story, you see. Joe and I-“

“IT FUCKING CAME IN!!!! ITS IN!! ITS IN!!! BEHOLD THE BEAUTIFUL...Gwil!”

The two faced the doorway to see Joe holding a life size Carboard cut out (nice ink might I add) of (y/n) in his arms.

“You’re home early”

Before Gwilym could express the utter confusion that was being held in his mind, Ben stepped in and started to explain the whole sitatuaion.

Meanwhile Joe was on the verge of an anxiety attack seeing how bad it looked that he had a cut out of his best friend’s girlfriend.

“So Joe. You ordered a life size cutout of my girlfriend, as a way to cheer her up?”

“...yes”

“How drunk were you?”

“AYE!”

“Messing with ya”

That eased the tension in the room a little, oddly enough.

Gwil started to look at joe a bit more, making another confused face.

“....So Joe. Where’s my cutout?”

Joe made a face, “sorry what?”

“My cutout? I assume you got one for me too since she is my girlfriend”

*Joe* oh shit.

“Oh well um, haha, see the thing is Gwil I um..I just-I...I didn’t get you one”

“......”

*in Joe’s head* fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

“Fine, I’ll take yours”

“Wait what?”

“I’ll take yours and you can order another one for yourself”

“Wait what? No she’s mine”

“Sorry what?” Joe could’ve been killed right then and there.

“Wrong choice of words, what I mean is, this cutout is mine Gwil. I want this to be my little joke with her”

“But, I want to be able to have a cutout of (y/n)”

“Yeah I get it, but I paid express for her”

“You have money”

“IM SAVVY GWIL, NOT A FRIVOLOUS SPENDER”

Meanwhile, Ben’s eating breakfast with his cardboard cut out of himself.

This eventually turned into a fucking tug o war between Joe and Gwil, with a freaking cardboard cut out of (y/n).

The bickering between the two echoed thorough the walls of the house, waking you form your slumber.

You groaned at the morning light, and started to head towards the center of the house.

Wondering what the fuck is all that noise coming from.

And there it was. A sight you never thought you would see.

Your boyfriend and your best friend, fighting over you.

...a Carboard you

“GWIL I bought her!”

“But she’s my girlfriend”

“SHE”S MY BEST FRIEND BITCH”

“Don’t bitch me!”

Joe’s grip switched from the middle, to the post of your legs.

“This is MINEEEEE”

Cue a loud ripping noise as Joe Mazzello has managed to rip you away from Gwil’s hands.

But.............

The head was nearly torn off.

And hung from a small strand of Carboard as Joe was now holding, a nearly headless (Y/n).

“...morning (y/n). How are you?!” Joe said, as he tried to not subtly hide the thing behind him.

You squinted at the two of them, noting that Gwil was there, but didn’t say anything.

Next thing they knew, they saw you pull out your phone and dial in some number.

“...hey Lucy. How are you? Yeah I’m good. Are you free at the moment? No, great! Can you pick me up at Joe’s house? I think Joe and Gwilym have to resolve some issues right now”

#gwilymlee #gwilxreader #joe mazzello #cardboard ben #hc #forfun

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highroadsteve · 6 years ago

Text

the greatest lie (part one) — t.h.

pairing: tom holland x actress!reader

warnings: a tiny bit of angst

requested :: thanks love!! and im sorry this is so late :(

a/n: part two will be published soon

masterlist

The sound of your tv was playing in the background, along with the loud voices coming from everywhere around you. There was chaos in your house, chairs being moved and squeaking as they glide across the wooden floor, high heels were clacking against the wood, makeup that was placed on the table was being shuffled through. You let it all happen, unbothered, knowing everyone there is taking care of you and making you look as good as you can for the awards show in five hours.

Zendaya, also known as one of your closest friends, was talking to you from the other side of the table. Your eyes were focused on your phone, scrolling through Instagram but still listening intently to the words that were coming out of Zendaya’s mouth. The hair clips in your hair were placed comfortably on your head, making you look like a child with pigtails on when the hair stylist was curling it. Zendaya laughed at you, taking a picture of the scene in front of her and posting it on her Instagram story.

“Hey dude, you should meet Zac Efron.” She brought up casually in conversation. You looked up at her, furrowing your eyebrows and widening your eyes a bit.

“I’m sorry, what?” You asked.

“Yeah, he told me he wants to meet you and I told him I’d introduce you to him. So basically, you‘re already going to meet him, I don’t know why I asked.” Zendaya let out a breathy laugh, causing you to reciprocate but roll your eyes as well. “He’s super cool anyway, you’d love him.”

“I’m sure he is, but Z, he’s literally like one of the most famous people ever. You do realize you’re talking about the Troy Bolton.“ She shrugged, shaking her head at you with a sarcastic grin.

“So what?”

You pursed your lips and shrugged as well, continuing your scrolling online. The person working on your hair moved over to your side, letting the makeup artist work on applying the foundation to your face.

“Who knows, you might just fall in love.”

...

The white car stopped in front of the event, the chauffeur saying their farewell to the two of you. After thanking them, both you and Zendaya stepped out from the same side. You helped Zendaya by holding out your hand, and she took it, using her other hand to clutch her dress. The interviewers were quick to arrive, already asking questions from the moment you opened the door. Nevertheless, you still smiled politely and stopped for a minute to be interviewed.

The two of you walked on the red carpet, waving to the fans that were standing behind the small barricade that stood between you. Some people were shoving cameras into your faces, trying to get the inside scoop to your personal lives. You simply dodged the questions with ease, losing Zendaya during the answers when she drifted away to be photographed. Excusing yourself, you made your way to the main carpet, posing for the cameras in front of you.

As you entered the venue, you looked around for Zendaya but found other people you know, greeting them with a warm smile and making small talk. Meanwhile, Zendaya had found Zac Efron and was having a conversation with him, getting him ready to meet you. He really was excited to finally meet you, having been supporting you from afar and admiring all of your work. You were also absolutely stunning, it was no surprise that he thought so.

After finally catching a glimpse of Zendaya’s tall figure from across the room, you walked to her, waving at a few people along the way. Once you made it there, you nervously smiled.

“Hey, I thought I lost you back there. Was starting to get worried.” You stated, looking into Zendaya’s eyes. You turned and looked at Zac, a huge smile placed on your face.

“Y/N, this is Zac. Zac, this is—“

“Y/N Y/L/N. The beautiful star of M/N. Big fan.” He stuck out his hand, gently taking yours and pressing a soft kiss upon it. You blushed, placing your other hand on your chest and posing for the camera that took a picture of you two. He pulled away and smiled at you.

“It really is amazing to meet a fan.” You replied. He laughed, shaking his head slightly. “But seriously, you’re making my childhood dream come true. I’m over here meeting Troy Bolton!”

“Did you ever, doubt your dream will ever come true? Did you ever...I forgot the rest.” He sang his iconic song slightly and laughed. It clicked in your head, making you gasp and almost drop your drink.

“This is the best day of my entire fucking life.”

The rest of the night consisted of you and Zac hanging out when you could. It wasn’t awkward at all between you. You would be talking about something that recently had happened, and stood up together whenever Zendaya would win an award. It was all fun and games, up until it was time to go and you had to go through the red carpet.

“Y/N! Y/N! Is Zac Efron your rebound? Is he replacing Tom Holland now?” You tensed up at the loud voice questioning you, your eyebrows furrowing in shock. That name hadn’t crossed your mind the entire night and it hit you like a train when you finally heard it. You looked around, Zac grabbing your wrist and gently pulling you with him into the car with Zendaya.

“Shit, Y/N. I’m sorry, I should’ve said something, I just—“ You shook your head at Zendaya, a crooked smile on your face as you tried to find light in the situation.

“Dude I’m totally fine.”

“You sure?” Zac asked, the concern evidently on his face. You nodded, elbowing him playfully.

“Of course, can’t wait to kick your ass at Mario Party.” You retorted and Zac smirked, rolling his eyes.

“I’d like to see you try.”

...

You were pacing around in your room, your finger in your mouth as you nervously chewed on your nails. Zendaya sat on the bed, her eyes trained on you with worry.

“I know you’re nervous but you’re going to be okay.” She spoke, titling her head slightly and curling the corners of her lips downwards.

“I just don’t think I can face him.” She sighed at you, knowing exactly well the reason you’re nervous.

Tomorrow is the first day of filming for the new Spiderman movie, Far From Home. Since you were an actress from the Marvel Cinematic Universe, you were going to make an appearance as Peter Parker’s love interest/partner in crime. Sure, it is completely normal for someone to be completely anxiety-ridden before acting in a huge movie that was pegged to make millions of dollars. Although this was a huge reason of your freak-out, there was also another.

Tom Holland was the actor who played Peter Parker in the new Spiderman movie franchise. He became extremely well-known after his debut in Captain America: Civil War, which is where the two of you had met. Your character was fighting alongside Tony Stark, having met Peter Parker due to being on the same team. It was obvious that both of your characters had chemistry and the writers were heading towards the two of you becoming an iconic teen couple.

But the situation was that your characters weren’t the only ones who had chemistry. You and Tom Holland were also crushing on each other during the filming process. It isn’t surprising, many actors get together after acting intimately on screen.

So the two of you got together after the year of filming and after the year of becoming best friends. The both of you were so comfortable with each other, hanging out most of the week and having an absolute blast every single time. Everything was so much more fun when the two of you were together, making the older actors laugh at your outgoing behavior. There was always a slightly flirty tone in your voices when you made jokes, and the teasing from the other actors continued until you both finally decided to start going out.

So far it seems as if the both of you would live happily ever after with no problem, but the problems arose when you had to move away to Iceland and film another movie outside of the MCU while Tom had to film Avengers: Infinity War. You were completely fine with keeping a long-distance relationship, claiming that you’re still so in love with him and you want to stay with him.

He didn’t think the same. He loved you, but he couldn’t keep up with having to manage having a girlfriend and filming at the same time. He felt as if he had to prioritize one over the other and he felt it wasn’t fair for either of you. The guilt was eating away at him for weeks, until he finally spoke to you about the problem, ending things off with you through an argument.

You wished it didn’t end that way, but things were piling up on both of you and you blew up on each other. The screaming over the phone, the heat burning at your faces, the break in your hearts. It was overwhelming, so you two ended it right then and there with a harsh ‘fuck you’.

It’s been over a year since you last talked to Tom, your anger no longer there and your heartbreak is already healed. The only problem was that you haven’t spoken to Tom, or even try to speak to him. Your pride was constantly beating you up, yelling in your ear about how if he wanted to talk, he would have messaged first. You wanted to say happy birthday, you wanted to say merry Christmas, you wanted to say happy new year, but you never did.

Now it’s the day before filming and you’re crying. You’re letting go of all your frustrations into Zendaya’s shoulder. You’re letting go of all your insecurities, anxiety, and fear through your tears. You felt like a high school girl, avoiding your ex boyfriend because he did you wrong. You wanted to be mature about the situation and prepare for your role but knowing that you had to act like you’re in love with Tom was nerve-wracking.

So there you sat, your stomach nauseated with butterflies and your head pounding as the tears stuck to your cheeks. You were exhausted and you hated that the reason was because of him.

part two

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xstarox · 6 years ago

Text

Long post

2017-2018 was really a bad year (except when i met my sunshine aka my bebi so)

So, first few months of 2015 my first love left me cuz he wanted to pursue his career by being a pilot so thats what he chose and i fully understand even though it really hurts cuz we had so many plans like LOT of plans, man. Those were the days when i don’t even overthink about him leaving me or something because we were really happy and everythings perfect. My parents loved him so much. His parents loved me so much. We were in ONE like ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY. Good times. I never regret letting him in my life because at one point he was the reason why i was really happy and enjoying those little things and just living in those moment where just seeing him makes me complete and he was so perfect and he was always there for me like even after the break up, he always checks up on me but he got busy and all and so am i so that’s just it but he still wanna see me when i go back in the philippines cuz we’re still friends and that’s good. Good times from 2014-2016

So after dating my “first love” till 2017, I met this guy, who became my ex-fiance, so here’s why “EX-fiance” I think i never really loved him. I just wanted someone to be there for me that’s why i said “yes” because i was really sad when my “first love” left me. It really breaks my heart using someone. I know it’s such a bad thing but what can i do? I was really broken. Yeah, shitty reason cuz i broke my “ex-fiance’s” heart too by cheating on him. lotta times. I wasn’t really myself i guess. I was so demanding. I feel like i’m not gonna meet someone like “my first” love and it scares me a lot. I did lotta shit. I tried to make it up to him but it doesn’t really work out so he cheated on me too. So same shit now right? I think thats when i realized that i had to leave the philippines so i can find myself. you know? Cuz i wasn’t really myself before. Like it wasn’t me at all. I asked myself like why would i use someone who just wants the best for me? So i tried to changed but shit happens. He cheated again and i didn’t really care at all. I feel like my heart went from being soft to solid rock. I would scream at him and cuss the shit outta him and just say that i don’t care anymore cuz i wanted him to realized that he should just leave. Been together for a year but it was all pretending and all fightings and shit. There’s no love at all. Even my parents doesn’t really like the fact that he keeps calling them when i don’t answer my phone when i don’t wanna talk to him. It was ALL TOXIC. Thats the point where i don’t even planning on going back in the philippines. I just wanted to be alone for a while cuz it was too much. He made me overthink and i broke him. I ruined him and we never really had a “closure” but if one time he checks up this blog, just want to let you know that i’m sorry for ruining you and i forgive you too for doing such things.

So, next guy? Hmm, i never thought i’d still talk about him though but here we go, So..He was like the second guy i really fell in love with like so hard, man. I met him on this dating app (pls dont judge me haha) first time we talked there’s a clicked, you know? He wanted to get coffee and meet up and i couldn’t meet him that day cuz my sister will kill me hahah but after i think a week of talking? we met cuz i asked him if he knows this place and he was the one who offered me to drop me off ((it was my interview haha)) and then i waited for him that day. Damn. Love at first sight was real huh? It was so fucking real. I couldn’t even look at him when were talking. I didn’t even shake his hands or hug him cuz i was so shy. He was so attractive. He was so nice. He was amazing, man. He was like the definition of perfection so long-story-short. we dated. we were really happy. things are good even though sometimes we fought a lot cuz he keeps overthinking about stuff (family, me, my family, him, everything) i tried to helped him though. Stayed up all night for him so he won’t feel that he’s alone cuz i know how he felt before that he was alone and that no one was there for him but then there’s me. I tried to gave him my all. I tried to be there for him even though every damn day he was pushing me away. I remember him saying goodbye straight to my face. we were in the car. outside my house. I was like crying so fucking hard. I was thinking that moment that “i cant lose him. i cant. not him.” He became my world even just for a while. My family knows him. My nephew and niece loved him. He was like a part of the family. yeah? But shit happens. He left. I felt that moment that i lost every fucking thing. I lost my other half. I lost my best friend. I lost him. I lost everything. Oh man. He left because his parents found out about me cuz apparently he couldn’t date anyone. Fix marriage ya know? Thats their thing. He told me that at first but i thought i could change that but i couldn’t and that hurts. I know how hurts he was too. It wasn’t easy i know. we were really in love. so in love. I tried to force myself into him even though he doesn’t want me in his life cuz he told me he can’t meet me anymore. he can’t be with me anymore. I always leave message for him when i’m drunk like “i hope ur happy and i love you so much and i miss you” but after few months i found out that he found another girl and thats when i realized that i have to just let it go. That i have to let go of the person who i thought i knew. Even though he said that he’d choose me over anyone else that ain’t the truth. Maybe people lie so they could make us feel that theres hope even though there isn’t and that’s okay because in the end you’ll knOw your worth and you’ll thank them for doing such things. I will never hate you. You know i never would. Thank you for the happiness, sadness, heartaches, overthinking and all. You changed me and i hope i made an impact in your life.

So enough with the heart aches, let’s talk about happiness now.

Ah man, I never thought i’d be so happy now. I’m really thankful that i met my boyfriend, he’s like the best thing ever. Since day 1. Since day 1 he was there for me. From being this so sad girl to this annoying kulit girl who talks a lot and annoy him a lot. He changed me you know? I know theres still times that i overthink but it doesn’t mean na i’m gonna be like that forever but i’m thankful because you’ve been helping me to get through this baby. You’ve been supporting me, You’ve been very understanding, You’ve been really nice and you’re so amazing. You’re so perfect. I’m so thankful for you. Everyday you always checks up on me if i’m okay or not and you’d always call me or suprise me and just be there for me. Every time that we’re together it’s always happy and it’s enough and you’re enough and i thank god that he gave me the best gift ever which is you. I got to love by the most amazing person. You’re such an angel, baby and i love you so much. Thank you for always putting me first. You know you can always count on me like i count on you, right? My fams really happy that i’m happy now because of you. You helped me a lot, babe. You helped me so much and i’d be forever thankful for that. I know sometimes theres arguments but it doesn’t mean na i’ll give up because i promised na no matter what happens, i’ll be here. and i will love you. You’re my bestfriend, my sunshine, my bebi, my love-love, my everything. You’re such a blessing and i’m really happy baby and don’t worry you’ll never lose me. I got you, You got me. we got this, okay? me and you and everything. Im not gonna love anyone like i love you. I love you so much and thank you for everything you’ve done for me. You changed me for the better, babe. I’m thankful for everything. I love you

#baby #text #nati #ygo #as #love #happiness #heartaches

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faithsummers11 · 7 years ago

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Love never dies❤

A/N:- Hey!!! Guess what it's my birthday but that's not important what's important is that its harry's birthday. Well it's a different story that it's on the same day. So what im going to do is post a lots and lots of harry i have like 3 already in my drafts, so stay tuned.

Well someone requested me to write a oneshot about harry where "he's your friend for long time but then he finally deside to break the boundaries and make you his" but apparently i have written somewere similar to this plot oneshot about Niall so i decided to mix it up with another request well it's not a request something my sis wants me to write "where you are celebrity friends turned patners with some jelous harry and a bit of celeb drama"

Both of them are anyway cheesy but i thought I'll give it a go, so this is what i came up with i hope you guys like it. Sorry tht it's quite long. And Again english is not my first language so pardon me for any mistakes.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Umm.. I just wanted to ask like.. Umm... only if you're ok with it... will you be my like.. girlfriend" he asked with a bit nervousness "I think we should start it off with a friendship before getting into a relationship " i said politely denying his offer and forwarding a hand of friendship which he gladly shook. That event to today's day is something I'm utterly proud of and most regreted moment of my entire life

Oh how much i love him only if i could tell him this is the exact reason i regret rejecting him back then, it's not like i didn't like him back then, i did but we were kids he was 16 i was 15, if we would have got into a relationship back than then we would have ended even before we started, moreover i was just starting my career and so was he, i didn't wanted to go out of focus. But now that I've my roots in this industry and been so close to him that i even know his deepest darkest secreats, seen him in his most vulnerable state i have found myself fallen for him so hard that it was getting impossible to get up. But he probably was over that thing and was happy with the friendship we had, and had a lot of not-so-long relationship, not to mention he was now The Harry Styles who had millions of girls dieing for him.

"Mam the car is ready " my driver told me taking me out of my own world. I quickly grabbed my clutch and headed towards the car, i was going to this party which was held to celebrate all the sucessful music and movies of the year and i had been invited to, it was all celeb part so everyone was coming and being one of renowned name in both music and movie industry i was hell bent instructed to go, i quickly slipped into the car, and the driver started heading towards the destination.

As i was looking out of the window all the memories come back to me. It all started at the x-factor i was a selected to perfom as a celebrity performer with the boys, taking i only had one album out and was just starting my career i wasn't supposed to be there but considering that i worked for Simon's lable got me as a celebrity performer, i spend 4 days with the boys we got along so well, we also wrote copule of songs and performed a very orignal track on the show, which everyone tend to fall in love with. Especially Simon

After the performance was when harry proposed me and i said a no but fate had something saved for me since I worked with Simon's lable, Simon liking the song which me and the boys came up with, got me hooked with the boys. "I really like the chemistry " was what simon said and there after i was like the 6th member of the band. We went on tours together we shared arenas first day they performed 2 days later i performed in the same arena, we literally shared same crew same management and same hotel.

We travelled together, sneaked out of places together, pranked and drinked together, every thing i did they were with me, every thing they did i was with them this whole thing got us all together i became so close to the boys, zayn was like a brother to me, Louis was the patner in crime, liam was the gym buddy, niall and harry were the idiot friends, but out of all of them harry has always been the closest. Our friendship was something everyone idolized all the directioners love all the vedios i posted of all the nonsense we did, they also like it and considered me a part of them. Did i ever mentioned this made me one of the songwriters on a copule lot of their songs.

But this was only till their 4th album 'Four' was set to release and my tour for my 4th album was about to get over, that i decided to leave Simon's record lable, i was working on my 5th album and due to my work in a movie i was getting a lot more movies offer, but Simon wanted me to forget about acting, which triggered . Me truely speaking the management was already bitchy about every thing and controlled every thing we did and when simon added that i made a final decision and then realeased my 5th album under Capitol records. Well even after that i was friends with them we still used to do get together & meet ups when everthing started going wrong zayn left the band and they didn't actually talked after that but he was still a friend of mine he even introduced me to his now girlfriend Gigi and the boys went on break and all went solo well that was their decision and that never changed anything I've always been there for them if they needme, me and harry are still the closest I still run up to him even at 3 in the morning if he needs me. Only niall is been really flirty nowadays.

"We're here " my driver announced snapping me out of my flashback, i quickly had a look at the mirror and prepared myself for the flashing cameras.

The moment i stepped out all the cameras flashed i heard my name been called from different directions. Even if it was a party it had some kind of red carpet. I possed for the cameras for some time and moved forward where a lot of people were interviewed, i was making my way when a interviewer caught me he asked me about my upcoming movie and about my tour for the current album but then what he asked was something i wasn't prepared for. "So y/n what do you think about harry styles and (anyone you want)'s breakup? "

"Oh umm.. I don't know.. I mean what can i say .... there decision i say.... Ya. Umm i don't know"

"You are his closest friend as he say, so do you think you will now have a chance with him, cause trust me no this a lot of people out there ship you two, do you like him?"

This question by the interviewer got me, i cannot help the blush that creeped on to my cheeks it took all in me to not to scream in his face about how happy i was with the breakup and how much i loved him "umm.. Well we are just friends " was all i said before leaving.

I was glad i was inside, i quickly grabbed a drink and found a group of friends who i got into a conversation with. I was in a conversation when i heard someone call my name, i turned to see it was niall standing in a corner with harry, ed And ed's girlfriend. I excused myself and went over to them i greated every one with smile and hugs, being in this industry for 8-9 years now i was friend with everyone i knew, ed being close one again because of harry, he was close to harry and so to me.

"Hey mate how you doing ". i asked niall getting out of his warm hug.

"Nothing much, just the album and stuff, btw what about you heard you got paired with Rayan Gosling for your upcoming movie, you must be dying happy isn't he your celebrity crush" Niall said all exited

"Yep he is, you know when i came to know about he being my patner, i truely lost my shit i was jumping around my entire house like a crazy maniac " everyone busted out laughing on how exited i was, ofcourse it was like a dream come true for me.

"Looks like you've been stalking her niall " harry kinda snapped

"Umm.. No mate it's all over the internet i was just happy for her and a..." Niall said but was cut by harry "Dosen't matter mate it's ok don't bother me about it, she has already worked with some legends in the industry that dosen't change her winny self, stop thinking of yourself like god y/n" harry said more like dissed me i was expecting a congrats but he was acting a bit bitchy towards me lately ever since the last meet at award show some days ago. He didn't picked up my calls or spoke to me without throwing shade at me, and he being rude hurted me to hell, cause it was the last thing i wanted i loved him beyond belief i couldn't have afforded the loss of our friendship at any cost.

Ed probably senced that he being the only one who knows my feelings for him, spoke " wohh mate easy there you being rude now, you two share the best friendship i know so plzz now" "Whatever " harry said rolling his eyes. I was literally holding back tears at this point.

Just than Charlie puth came up "Hey Y/N, here you are, hey guys i hope you are doing fine, sorry to disturb you but can i just borrow your friend for a minute just need to talk some business" charlie said excusing both of us. I was so thankful to him about it cause if i would have stayed there a minute more i would've bursted into tears.

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Harry's p.o.v:-

She left with Charlie with sad and teary eyes, not as her cheerful self, not as she arrived i knew i made her sad, and i hate myself for doing that, i can't belive i was doing that to her, she has been by my side whenever i needed her, without any ulterior motives she never did that because she wanted to sleep with me or for my fame, she was more famous than me at the end.

I don't know what I'm doing but if I've to get over her this is the only way, she has me crazy about her but don't seem to wanna be mine. She has this effect on me ever since we first met, i love her since then, and my love for her dosen't seem to fade away even after all the years infact i found myself falling for her even more. All my attempts to get over her failed all those girls and relationship i had to get her out of my head all failed nothing ever worked, my last girlfriend i don't even wanna talk about it i litraliterally fucked her to y/n's thaught screaming y/n's name, i never spoke to her after that, but she seemed to have spilled the beans with her friends cause i remember y/n telling me about how all my ex girlfriends were acting bitchy with her, even if some of them were her good friends. She didn't saw the pattern there but i did.

This all was not my fault that i can't get over her, it was all her, she first said a no to me but became so close to me that i literally didn't felt no need of a gurd around her, she was the one who sneeked me out for some fun or ice-cream when i felt down or home sick, stayed up all night and look after me when i was not well, always been there whenever i needed someone to hold me at the depths of my despair, she was the one who soothed me when i felt down with all the hate comments. She was the one who made me feel worthy when i felt worthless, she was the one to run to me just on a phone call even 3 in the am not to share a bed with me but sit by my side and listen to all my nonsence, she was always one call away, but never let me call her mine or should i say i never got the guts to propose he again after that.

Well that's what niall said, i remember the award show we attended some days ago Niall was flirting with her the whole time, which got my blood boil so after the show i cornered him wanting an answer

"What the fuck are you doing niall!??"

"What mate what's wrong??"

"Why were you flirting with y/n the whole time??, your eyes never left her " I bit yelled at his face.

"Whohh mate chill down there i was just trying, ya know i kinda like her and ya see she is single im trying mate "

"Stop then! Stop trying your luck ok you ain't getting her keep your distance from he.." i was cut off

" Or what will you do, see mate i know you have feelings for her but, mate i have waited for you to make a move long enough now, you ain't doing anything, i mean.. Have you seen y/n she is one of the biggest names in the industry, beautiful like no other, purest soul with heart of gold and hot as hell, hotness drips down every inch of her body, c'mon mate every man wants her. And I'm no different, if you don't have the guts to confess your love to the closest person to you not my fault mate, being your friend I'll suggest you mave a move before someone else get her or just forget her"

Niall left me with no word he was right, i couldn't even count how many men have showed intrest in her, I just wanted to go tell her but then all the bond we had i feared losing it, feared losing our friendship, but still i don't know why but i decided to go the other way and try to forget her. Thus, ending up being everything she disslike, been all shady and bitchy, cocky little shit.

I was all in my thoughts when Niall nudged me "looks like Charlie is getting what you think is yours" he said making me look in the direction where y/n and Charlie were standing. There she was giggling and laughing her famous laugh something i died for, Charlie was saying something to her wispering in her ear being all touchy and shit, even she was laughing on with him her hand constantly on his chest or on his shoulder, sometimes going in his hairs. That seemed nothing like any business talk.

I know he was into her, how? Well Liam told me, when Liam worked with him he told me how obsessed charlie was with y/n and how he requested liam to set his meeting with her, no wonder he fancied her collaboration was just a cleaver means, for him to get to know her and by the picture i was getting he was pretty much succeeding.

I was satring at them with bloodshot eyes. My anger has taken over me now, i didn't know what i was saying or doing anymore. I didn't know when i just raged towards them.

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Y/N's :- P.o.v

I was talking to Charlie, we were talking about the upcoming song that we were working on, well i know it was not just about the song I'm not a fool to not understand that he fancied me, and was trying his best to impress me, little did he know i already had my Heart for someone else, that's one of the biggest disadvantage of being single, everyone who likes you tries to hit on you, not even trying to understand once why you are single.

I have to admit that Charlie is one funny person to be around, we were just talking and he was telling some funny ass stories from his tour days, which had me laughing to death, just when i felt eyes on me and when i turned to look in the direction i saw harry's bloodshot eyes boring into me and charlie.

In my complet time of knowing harry i haven't seen this kind of rage in his eyes a mixture of anger and frustration with something which i wasn't able to put my fingure on. I turned to look at Charlie and continued talking, just a moment later i felt a hand on my shoulder it was harry, he lightly squeezed my shoulder, looking straight into my eyes, i was not able to understand what was on his mind, he looked at me and then looked at Charlie shooting him a glare.

"I hope you're done with your business talk, i want to talk to you y/n" harry said pressing the word 'business'.

"Yes harold say what you wanna talk about"

"It's abit personal, can you plzz come with me for a minu.." harry was cut off by Charlie

"Sorry mate but we aren't finished talking yet can you just wait for some time"

"Nope, y/n it's important, you are coming with me now " harry said with stern voice.

"Hey mate! you don't own her so stop making your own decision " Charlie said adding fule to harry's anger

"You're coming with me or not?" harry asked me through gritted teeths. I wasn't able to understand what was going on, why was harry so angry, my brain was trying to figure out everything, and till i could respond harry yelled "Fine" and started leaving.

"Harry wait" i called as i put my glass down and started going behind him. His anger was over the top, his normal gentlemanly behaviour was thrown out of the window, he knocked and pushed everthing and everyone in the way, when i finally caught him.

" Harry wait, what's wrong talk to me "

"None of your business " he said starting to walk away again, but i hold on to his arm and made him to stop.

"Tell me, what's bugging you, i can help"

"You cannot, just let me go "

" No way in hell are you leaving without telling me what's upp "

"Why.." Harry started his voice was raised but he quickly stopped looking around and realising we were still in the party. He grabbed a strong hold of my hand and dragged me out of the party, he was still angry i don't know why but he was, his grip on my hand was tightening not bothering of leaving marks he was dragging me from different hallways full of people, Not giving a shit about me tripping on my own legs or people watching us, till we reached the parking lot.

He opened his rover's door for me and commnded "Get in" his voice stern and angry.

"Harry for god sake are you going to tell, what's this all about, where are you taking me??"

"I SAID FUCKING GET IN" harry yelled right in my face, this scared me i know harry will never hurt me not intently, i got in the car and harry came in the drivers seat and started driving

I put my hand on his lap and started "Harry.. "

"SHUT UPP" he yelled again, slapping away my hand from his lap. I was literally on the verge of crying, his rude behaviour was killing me, but i knew not to bother him taking his yelling and rudeness in his behaviour. I kept my mouth shut for the entire ride, looking out of the window trying to figure out what i did wrong.

I was just starting out of the window remembering all the good old memories that i had with harry not even realising the tears that slipped my eyes. I wiped the tears when the car came to an halt. I realized it was harry's place. I wanted to ask him why he has brought me here, but before i can ask him any thing he was out opening my door and pulling me out and dragging me into his house and litraliterally throwing me on the floor this got anger bubble up in me, he was crossing his limits, he got me angry all pooling in my eyes.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU" harry yelled his anger out, not bothering picking me up. I quickly got up, collecting myself and yelling on top of my lungs

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU??, WHY ARE YOU ACTING RUDE AND SHADY?? WHAT DID I DO?"

Harry burst a sarcastic haugh "What did you do? Stop acting innocent, you know what I'm talking about"

"Oh for fuck sake harry, keep it clear what did i do?"

"Whay are you being all slut, being all over Niall and that Charlie guy, why don't you FUCK THEM ALREADY ".

His words had venom in them i was shocked, my eyes wide in amazement.

"Why would i do that, they are just friends, and even if i do it's none of you business " i chocked the word out.

"Ohh plzz it's all my businesses, you cannot be friends with them, or go all the way flirt..."

"And do what harry, they are the only people good to me nowadays, you been shady to me, you are my best friend but you ain't even talking to me, and don't even get to me on what you said to you ex'es because even my best friends are being bitchy with me, so plzz.."

" I didn't did anything, its you all you", he said tears forming in his eyes his voice lowering . " Everthing is wrong, it's all my mistake, all because of you " harry said breaking down, his voice cracking. Fuck how rude he was, but seeing him break, ached my heart.

I went close to him took his hands in mine and calmy asked "what's it harry tell me, I'm here for you, I'll always be" he looked deep into my eyes the rage was back, my heartbeat increased, my stomach did flips, the next thing i remember he had me pinned to the nearest wall, hands above my head, his body pressed to mine, i was breathing his breath, his lips hovering over mine, my heart was beating out of my chest, harry has never been this close to me, sure we have cuddled and hugged but never been this close physically.

"I don't know but you are the only thing i want y/n , i don't know why i was shady, just cannot take you with anyone else, i can't do this anymore i want you to be mine only mine, i can't be in all the friendzone shit when all i want to do is fuck you mindlessly, go on dates with you, do all the cheesy copule shit with you, hold your hand in front of everyone and scream on top of my lungs how much i love you, i re..."

I cut him by kissing him, when our lips met all this frustration and tension was released, which both of us were holding, now i understand the emotion in his eyes it was jealousy. I was over the moon to know he felt for me the same way i did for him.

He broke the kiss and looked stright into my eyes, "So should i take that you love me the same way as i do " harry said with sparkling eyes, "ofcorse you idiot i love you too, what took you so long" harry kissed me again his lips gental yet hungry, he licked my bottom lip for entrance, i ggladly opend my lips for him to deepen the kiss,.

Soon the way to his bedroom was marked with our expensive cloths, my body was pressed under him, his naked chest pressed to mine, his hands massaged my breasts, he pinched my nipple and i yelped into his mouth, he chuckled, and trailed kisses down till he reached my breast and took my nipple in his mouth, sucking on it "you have no idea how long I've waited for this" harry said switch to my other breast, "well that goes both wayssss.." i half gaspd when his hand reached my clit and started playing with my folds "so, wet for me already aren't you?" harry said inserting his long digits into me, he started pumping in and out as he increased his pace i was a moaning mess under him, just as i thought i was close to my release he removed his hand, i wimphered at the loss, A long moan left my mouth when he sucked on his digit.

I felt him line up at my entrance "wait you don't want me to suck you off first" i asked taking him in my hand. He laid me down back pressing his tip at my entrance "we'll have a lot of time for that but now, if i don't fuck your brains out, i would probably burst " with that he pushed all the way into me, he was bigger than my imaginations, it took me some time to adjust to his size, but once igave him the green signal he went all the way from slow and steady to pounding into me relentlessly, hard and fast, he was diving me crazy. Long moans and skin slapping on skin were the only voices to be heard in the room.

I felt my orgasm fast uproching, the knot in my stomach tightned and my walls clenched around him, "let it go baby girl" harry wispered in my ear before kissing me, that was all i needed to let go. My body felt light, the plesure taking over me, my breathing heavy, when i felt twitch inside me, his pace wasn't slowing, i thrusted my hips upwards to meet his, so he can go deeper, soon i felt him spill inside me and he crashed on top of me. Heavy breaths slowing down as we were coming down from our highs.

After a minute or so harry pulled out, i wimphered at the loss, he went in the bathroom and came with a damp cloth and cleaned me. After he was done he plopped beside me and i snuggled into his chest

"You know what y/n"

"What??"

"I might know why my ex'es are being bitchy with you"

"You know??, why are they doing that?? Tell me"

"This is embarrassing, but you know i my last girlfriend.. " harry said turning to look at me

"Yep, what abot her?.."

"Umm.. I kinda fucked her.. Screaming your name"

I sat up shocked not believing my ears "No fucking way, tell me you are lying " i half chuckled and half shocked.

"Well that's true, and she seemed to have spilled the beans, and Thats why they are acting wieard with you"I laughed out loud "oh my god harry, you had so many girlfriends how am i going to deal with this " i said snuggling back into him "you really love me that much" "i love you beyond belief y/n i love you so ao much " Harry said before doseing off into deep sleep. It's truely said that love never dies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I Hope you guys like it if you like it let me know Also give me some ideas for writing harry imagines for his birthday week, smut or not dosent matter, I'll definitely write it, drop them in the ask box.

Also go check my previous writtings,links here 1.Best punishment ever. 2. Dream come true 3. Get away pt1, pt2, pt3. 4. Roommates pt1, pt2. 5. Friends!! ain't we?.

#harry styles smut #harry #harry styles dirty #harry styles #harry imagine #one directions #oneshot #one direction #stars

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