#losing weight at 50

[thin-veiled-nights]

*sigh*

I think the hardest part is trying to convince my bf that I’ve eaten when I most definitely am avoiding food and eating hardly anything around him .

Soon he’s going to ask questions and worry but not yet I have time before he really notices by that time I’ll be small enough I can float around on a cloud .

I just wanna be weightless .

[rhondagettingfit]

Back and arms day. Deadlifts always make me happy.

And yes, Mac decided to meander by and supervise me

[naomiknight-17]

I have a pair of track pants that I stopped wearing because they kept sliding down my ass and falling off

I wore them to physio today. No problem at all. Never slipped or slid once. They were too tight before and I couldn't pull them high enough over my hips for them to stay up. Now they're fine

Which is great because my other workout pants are getting so baggy they come up almost to my bra band when I pull them up now

[darlingian]

"People say I look happy

Just because I got skinny

But the old me is still me and maybe the real me

And I think she's pretty"

Skinny - Billie Eillsh

[buggbuzz]

semi-heavy adhd vent tw 🫢🫢

personally of the opinion that the worst thing about adhd is the subtlety. we joke abt how obvious and silly it is but its barely visible 95% of the time.

& u spend your whole life not knowing if the mental struggle you have doing basic shit is what everyone deals with or if something's wrong. even when you KNOW you have adhd and even have it TREATED you STILL don't know if you're having a normal amount of obstacles.

i've been on meds for two years now and i just spent a whole fucking summer semester not sure if i was having adhd burnout or if my meds weren't working or if i was actually just being lazy. i think its all three, but who knows! and now i have a final tomorrow that i have to pass and i dont know if i can because i could barely fucking do any work all semester.

this happens like every year/semester but this one particularly stings cause it was supposed to be really good this time!! lots of free time, one class to worry about, the best nd-friendly note-taking system i've ever used, lots of flexibility, and friends to spend time with. it was even a science class!! chem, not bio, but better than non-science, right? but apparently, the only way i can ever stay motivated and on the ball is if im chained to a super-stressful and merciless schedule. so i have to choose between my long-term success and my mental health!!

i don't envy neurotypicals for the weird fucking ways they operate sometimes but good lord fucking jesus it sounds nice to be able to do things. i feel like a loaded gun with a busted trigger; i have all these amazing ideas and well-thought-out schedules and all the passion and desperation to follow through, but my brain and body just. won't. do it.

[ansai-is-slipping-away]

I leave the front for 3 days. *3 days* and my progress is shattered - you wonder why I’m scared to give up control! 😣

Ana is an entirely different kettle of fish when you have alters that don’t cooperate with you.

[corvidaedream]

had an appointment w my pcp and told her the plastic surgeon i had a consult w wants me to lose weight before he'll consider top surgery and she just sighed deeply.

[betweenheroesandvillains]

i mean. what level of irony is "having a panic attack on the way to the GP that you made an appointment with to get your mental health officially assessed bc it's been sucking ass".

[agayconcept]

unstoppable force vs immovable object

aka my adhd need to pace the apartment 20 times at 3 am vs my severe lordosis and back problems screaming at me in agony

[patron-saint-of-emesis]

todays concepts to grapple with are “accept Done over Perfect” and also “change is an inevitable constant”, both are very good sentiments that will better my life when i accept them, but it also means not restarting my crochet project and to stop staring at my face so hard in the mirror, and ima be real both of those r suck

[thin-veiled-nights]

Current weight 225.8lbs 5.8lbs away from my first goal weight ! Original weight 280 to 242 to today 225.8lb total weight loss of 52.4 lbs! So hard yet so worth it !

[rhondagettingfit]

Been slacking some, so I picked out a Cathe Live and did it today. Or did as much as I could cause no way I was able to do it all.

Mac was my gym supervisor and he was soaking up the glorious sunshine coming in through the windows

[newworldorder1600]

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[rahabs]

Seeing myself in photos truly makes me want to die.

[dalishthunder]

When you're naturally starting to lose weight at a natural pace because of hormones finally balancing out due to medication and the doc wants you to go on a restrictive diet to lose weight faster by cutting out ripe bananas. Sorry doc, I'll follow some of this, but nah. I'd rather die at 60 happy and eating my daily banana than live to 80 by following a restrictive diet that will cause me to yo-yo weight and develop eating disorders that I'm prone to anyway and be miserable

[folkinsomnia]

These were both taken around this time in March 2014, during probably the worst of my disordered eating and college era self harm, between my first and second almost* suicide attempts. This was maybe five pounds above my lowest weight as an adult (which was like 145 I wanna say), and I still obsessively thought I was overweight, or god forbid FAT. (I now weigh ~250 pounds and am actually fat now and also reclaim the word for myself etc etc.) However, looking at these pictures, I think I looked underweight for my height and my frame. I wasn't in danger or anything, and maybe this is hindsight talking, but that version of me looked unhealthy for my body. I hated everything about that body and fantasized about drastic, deadly ways to make it smaller.

I struggle with being fat and feeling neutral if not positive about it on a daily basis. But I don't get dizzy and shaky and start hurting from restricting and exercise in tandem anymore. I came across these pictures by chance looking for something else in my files, and seeing my own untreated depression and misery and bodily harm reflected back at me is weirdly affirming. I didn't plan to be alive, fat, unable to pinpoint the last time I hurt myself or barely ate for two days, and six months from turning 30. I'm all of those things now, and most days it feels pretty damn good.