#losing my shit with everyone around me
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genuinely in fucken shambles because i just don't know whomst to throw my bbygirl asharra at
why is everyone in this game so damn fuckable
#the datv adventures#you know what we all should just gather in that room everyone likes to hang around in#and just fucken shag#all of us#at first i was like wow neve bbygirl what's ur phone number#but then all the lil moments with miss harding got me all !!!#and then bellara was just so sweet and stole my heart#and i thought yeah nah this time around i ain't gonna care about a bad boi rogue#but fucken.. doing his recruitment and watching him do his shit and then spite also i was like OK I GET IT!!!#even talking to varric has me all HIIIIIIIIII!! i'm mcfucken losing it here#and i haven't even gotten all of the companions like SEND HELP ASAP#datv spoilers#i guess#but not rly
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https://twitter.com/danfetes/status/1712166167572361344
josh says people saying stuff about stef ticks him off 😭 that's the meanest he'll ever get off the field 😭
that was kinda... 😏😏😏
and i definitely know stef feels the same... 😏
" tired of hearing all this nonsense... lot of guys in this league that have that same fire that don't get talked about, but--"
" frankly that kind of ticks me off when people wanna say stuff about him, but... we'll keep that all internal here 🙂🙃🫥."
this is allen at his boiling point omg 😭😭 held back by pr
#reporter: we talked to josh and we asked him a question about y-#stef smirks in Yeah. I Bet You Did. Bitch.😎 we're a two packaged deal. inseparable 😎 (insufferable) im his right hand man. his silly rab-#the sassy pose and the fond smile. theyre so untouchable dramatic ass top of the foodchain powercouple it's Unreal.#WHERE IS THE RPF!?!??!?!????#josh and allen sooooo fucked after this#fucked HARRRRD bro fucked HARD#and they were both soo ready for it like you cant tell me they didnt fuck nasty after this HELLO#we cant always bet on them winning but the fuck nasty is surely guranteed#diggs had the bed all set up with romantic candlelight and roses and josh hurdled over all that shit just to hold him in his arms#josh caught on fire a little bit but diggs patted the flames down before he could notice#all the snow piled up around their home in buffalo could not muffle the 'youre my qb.. ure my qb' pants& moans which shake those very walls#josh '🙃🙃' the hell outta this interview#he said YOU may not understand diggs horrors but **I** DO!!@@! **I** UNDERSTAND. I GET THEM.#the frustration of seeing everyone hate on his husband when he knows all of that pales in how much stef hates himself#AND THAT MAKES JOSHS LITTLE STUNNED FACE ALL THE MORE SAD LIKE. HES SO HURT FOR STEF.#AND HE JUST KNOWS. he KNOWS the public is gonna spin this horribly. make stef the diva they always degrade him as#josh has CONSTANTLY with like a bear pacing around the cracked glass enclosure barely disguised rage#defended stef from misinterpretation and disdained the diva drama so vehemently#so everytime josh messes up or stef messes up or they lose all josh is thinking and feeling is 'im fucking this up for him even more#i dont care if theyre gonna be mad at me. diggs is hurting. somehow some way. diggs is gonna get Hurt.#and i cant do anything but talk. and i cant even do that well.#it's all my fault i cant do anything im so stupid im so stupid'#saint bernard song 1 hour#that single wide eyed stare he gives his wr bcs all he can do is stare as stef's pain surges#it's not fear of stef as the media tries to portray for qbwr tension. it's fear For stef.#he knows theres hurt. and he knows theres gonna be even more hurting. and. the nail. he knows he cant do anything to help it from stopping#'why couldnt i throw better. i need to just run it to lessen the chances. i need to do something. i need to be better. i have to be better'#meanwhile diggs could care less abt what everyone else thinks about him. he just cares abt how josh thinks. about josh#stef wants to perform well so josh can actually feel well. be able to express anything he wants without worry or treading#diggs/allen
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chapters 51 and 58 of bloodmarked are absolutely CARRYING bree/nick/selwyn polyamory truthers
#selwyn is kind of a stupid name I realized as I was typing this. like I've gotten used to it over 2 books but it's so silly. selwyn#anyway. me disappearing for days and only showing up for like 30 minutes to reblog 3 things#and make a nigh incomprehensible post letting you guys know what book I'm reading now (read. I finished it yesterday actually.#now I'm rereading legendborn bc I'm apparently not ready to move on to a new book and also I forgot most of the shit from that book)#anyway I've been on the polyamory train for these 3 since I read legendborn in 2020 but I swear it's only gotten stronger#like what do you MEAN selwyn (magically oathed to protect nick) FEELS SAFER with nick around#THE SAME WAY BREE DOES. AND BOTH SELWYN AND NICK LIKE. AGREE ON HOW MUCH THEY LOVE BREE. AND THERE'S NO WEIRD JEALOUSY ABOUT IT#AND SELWYN CANONICALLY WAS AT ONE POINT IN LOVE WITH NICK????#AND NICK LITERALLY SAYS TO SEL “I CAN'T LOSE YOU AND I WON'T LOSE HER”????#LIKE?????#THERE IS NO WAY THIS IS YOUR STANDARD ASS LOVE TRIANGLE IT'S GOTTA BE AT LEAST A LITTLE POLYAMORUS#IF NOT A FULL TRIANGLE BREE SHOULD AT *LEAST* GET 2 BOYFRIENDS. SHE DESERVES IT#even if it does end up a standard love triangle though this is honestly a genuinely good one#like I genuinely like both love interests neither of them are weird or annoying or creepy about her#anyway. need book 3 out as soon as possible I swear to god I almost can't see how this ends in monogamy#I'm talking about the legendborn series by tracy deonn btw everyone#another arthurian inspired book series which if you saw my other post the other day I swear this isn't intentional#legendborn#bloodmarked#the legendborn cycle#tracy deonn#bree matthews#nick davis#selwyn kane
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i need to write a lawlight au where l and light are contestants on an idol survival show à la idol producer (2018)
#i just got this idea two seconds ago and im obsessed with it. i think its fucking hilarious#l is not idol material whatsoever but what's fiction without a lil suspension of disbelief#this would NOT be a oneshot/flash fic btw it would be a ridiculously long multichapter fic with 2 chapters dedicated to each episode#everyone is fucking each other off camera and Manipulating the Narrative on camera. all song titles / challenges listed in gratuitous detai#there would be a list of rankings at the end of every arc. light would be the clear frontrunner but l tries to sabotage him every episode +#by giving him a bully arc or some shit. making himself look like a victim as light quietly loses his mind. then they hatefuck in the dorms#should i watch the zerobaseone show for this. isnt that whats trendy these days#my one hesitation w/writing death note ensemble fics is that im terrified of writing any character besides l and light (and maybe misa)#yes near and mello do scare me. matt? dont even start#somehow in my mind death note is a show without a lot of characters to work with (even tho thats not true; theres clearly enough)#me when raye penber shows up to the idol producer au bc i needed another vocal lead.#<- this is my brain when im avoiding thinking about writing the next convergence / tascts chapter#both my wips are so serious i wanna cry. i just want to fuck around and have fun :( why'd i do this to myself
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I need a jinx and ekko building together montage
#btw my rewatch DID fix my opinion on jinx#I keep talking about ppl conflating her with powder but I fell for the front of annoying ass kid she puts up#the way she behaves around silco vexes me on its own but that combined with the infalitzation from fans#yuck#now that everyone’s moved on to babying cait#jinx as like. the grown adult she is is entertaining#she is still not for the undercity and miiiight be later idk I’m on ep 2#but like she’s fun to watch. especially now that she’s not bothering ekko#btw. if they reconcile I still need her begging HIM for forgiveness I can’t stand sracasting shit after being that kind of menace#a I bombed the bridge we were both on menace#and obvi she’s gonna do it it’s just not a flavor I enjoy on white ppl sorry#like her lil hi in the reintro was great#but if acts that way towards ekko which she might#baby ur gonna lose the only 5 points u have.
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"Sick of doing shit and not getting paid for it / Sick of being told you just gotta wait for it / What am I waiting for?"
(The hair I drew him with is from @witcherscreenshotsdump 's mod)
#wyll deserves a karlach or astarion-style breakdown#you KNOW the poor man is t h i s close to snapping and losing his shit#and he should!!#im so pissed that 'angry wyll' got cut out of the final game#why does he have to just. be chill with everything when everyone else gets to be upset about their traumas???#you can accept your lot in life & not regret your choices & love your family AND be angry at how they treated you#maybe im just projecting but his almost constantly pleasant/calm/etc demeanor is exactly the type of thing that happens#when youre constantly suppressing your feelings in order to be the mature one/to make the people around you comfortable/etc#let him actually be angry at his father!!!!#ANYWAY. justice for wyll#im proud of this piece over-all im just trying to get away from the plastic-y feel my 'cleaner' art tends to have#which i didnt manage here but that's fine! i was mostly focusing on his expression anyway#bububell's wyll hair is canon To Me#my art#bg3#bg3 fanart#wyll ravengard#bg3 wyll#wyll fanart#digital art#digital artist#artists of tumblr#Spotify
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If there is at least one thing I can credit FE for doing better than Tales in localization, it's not trying to actively go out of their way for an entire game to avoid subtext or direct text between two men that is romantic or implied romantic. Funny when it's so present that the attempt doesn't even work; infuriating that it was attempted to begin with.
So as much as I often have issues with some of FE's localizations, at least they have a leg up on loc Tales for that.
#DCB Comments#imagine changing entire sentences and vocal tones just to try to avoid it#if anything I'd say at least in FE the locs just... keep what's there like#they could've toned Soren and Houses Yuri down and they didn't. they just kept their lines or in some cases#especially with Houses Yuri I'd say leaned into them#have to specify bc Houses Yuri got to keep his bi agenda. Vesperia Yuri had the unfortunate issue of#the loc not wanting to keep his gay and trying reeeeally hard to avoid it#including altering entire sentences to avoid any woe is them misunderstandings about men having feelings for each other#meanwhile Houses Yuri is free to call men cute and lo and behold everyone loved that for him#they removed and altered a LOT of Vesperia Yuri's personality traits#(including any ability to express real sadness or fear bc woe is them if he's not a cool edgy man)#but they also really changed his tone toward Flynn PLUS some of what they say to each other#and twisted it to make it sound like Yuri was either angry or wasn't actually emotional abt him#forget the way they brought Grant George in for the DE release and made him sound just completely DEAD with zero personality#like. I can tolerate playing Houses dubbed despite my gripes with it (story based stuff)#it didn't feel like they were trying to alter LBGT+ aspects and they even for some rly leaned into it#basically if you haven't played Vesperia Yuri is... really gay coded. the loc pretended not to notice#in fact he's queer + gay coded bc and doesn't fit male gender norms and the gacha games LOVE that with his hair/outfits#Rays mind you is JP only bc it was shut down very quickly in the west and Vesp Yuri's story in Rays is uh#basically it centers around Flynn he loses his shit to protect Flynn and they do the usual like#don't-admit-it's-gay-outright in fictional media by using the ''Yuri's important person'' shtick#but he activates a special power in the middle of utterly raging to get Flynn back from their enemies#funny thing? that game never made it to that arc. I was told in about five months the western ver would've gotten that#but in some way I'm glad it didn't bc who knows how they would've tried to spin that#It's BAFFLING to me how you can get characters in Tales like JAY but the locs shake in their boots at the idea of queer gays#but given how allergic fictional media is to admitting a male character is gay -gestures to Ike and Vesp Yuri-#I'm not surprised I'm just actually angry that the locs try to censor homosexual relationships as much as possible even when they barely ca#if anyone does know Vesp Yuri and is confused on why I'm calling him gay coded despite what the dub did with Judith feel free to ask#bc I do ship them a little bit myself! but I just recognize that canon wise I really can't see him as anything but gay-demiromantic#but again at least FE locs don't shake in their boots anymore abt same sex pairs including men (side eyes Lucius/Raven)
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would it be okay if u told me why u like aoki😭/gen😭😭😭😭BEEN TRYNA LIKE HIM FOR SO LONG I JUST CANTT but i love ur art so much so i still consume it otherwise lol
i liked tohru adachi in high school and tbh i think that alone is enough of an explanation for why i ended up liking aoki
#snap chats#haha see i told you last post's tags were relevant#anyway vLKVJEVLKAEJVLKJ IM CRYING ANON youre so funny. this is the funniest ask i coulda got thank you so much#i dont know why i like him either <- yes i do#fine lets get Real Talk about it#well first off all i thought he looked hot rolling out the elevator and i was playing the eng dub and i think his voice sounds hot there#and thats like. not athing that happens to me ever <- literally thought sawashiro was hot two frames into the game but anyway#i like politician characters. or characters that are in a position of power ESPECIALLY if they have to act like they dont suck balls#like i very much love the idea of the power of charisma and that type of thing not to mention the 'strategizing' as aoki puts it#that comes with politics. LIKE HE SUCKS DONT GET IT TWISTED HE SUCKS BUT //shrug emoji//#like its why i love the mine rggo stories i like seeing mine's thought process and how he uses his intelligence#smart's sexy to me idk what to tell you but moving on#its fun watching him lose his cool too ESP IN HIS FIGHT LMAO HE STOMPIN HIS FOOT LIKE A TODDLER SHUT UP#i also really love the arakawa family in general and thinking of aoki's relationship with each of them makes my brain explode#especially him and sawashiro that shit is painful to watch and i love it so much#i also thought him going from goth to republican was the funniest shit in the world like i howled at that AND i was distraught#aokis so interesting to me from the notion that he IS loved by his family but he has so much hatred for himself it eats him up#and as a result he cant be happy no matter what he does- how hes constantly seeking validation even if it's nothing meaningful#his lil. Dog-Eat-Dog world world belief to ichi also appealed to my edgy depressed high schooler brain. sorry.#his speech at the lockers also got to me. unfortunately. sorry everyone i empathized too hard it got too real it wasnt funny anymore#like as much as i complain bout the very end the ending is what solidified me liking aoki if not also cause of ichi's impact in those scene#plus... analyzing him and the environment around him is so much fun too....#idk reasons for why i like aoki also boil down to personal reasons. he still sucks tho so i cant be upset when people hate him LOL#i probably have more reasons or could elaborate more i love rambling but i mean. who really wants to read all that 💀💀#maybe for a character that WASNT the worst but. aoki is so LMAO#thank you for loving my art regardless :) im sorry i have to be attached to the worst guys ever
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Doubling up on my cosplay efforts and making that fish scarf and shirt and also that angel's crop top armour
#looking at the armour top pieces like. what is this 😭 considering fabric glue for it bc I'll need it for the helmet too#i am. not super satisfied with how the helmet is looking rn but i know everyone hates making it so I'm trying to not let it get to me#i need to finish the skirt pieces bc they're holding 90% of my pins rn and it's making cutting the fish shirt pieces harder#honestly excited to work on seb's coat bc i wanna add a billion pockets to it and actually use them#considering making like. tiny little files to keep on me and give to ppl who chat with me bc that would be kind of cute#thinking back hard to the pouf cosplayer i met while also dressed as Pouf who had a few sheets of butterfly stickers#and gave me some that i stuck on my con badge#i still wanna do gabe's swords. augh. i have the cardboard and enough vinyl for the sheaths..#hello. welcome to another installment of shai making financially irresponsible decisions-#i do have some uhhhhhh debt i would like to get resolved bc I'm putting money towards the new car#and found out how hard my credit has been getting hit when i saw the shit tier apr on the estimated monthly payments 😭#gonna circle around comms again after the con so i can try to get a better grip on it bc i have been trying to cut it down#wanted to do it this holiday season and then. tree branch car crush extravaganza happened#did find out i can save a decent amount of money by not just getting an oven bake meal every night and actually cooking lmao#I'm losing the plot in the tags here but uh. the hilarity and mild hypocrisy is not lost on me#shai speaks
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#vent#vent post#cw negative#Seven’s Public Diary#wish i wasn’t so fucking worthless and useless and stupid and selfish and mean#i am just so goddamn sick of my own bullshit. but i never change#i’m so tired of being weighed down by my 56492 mental illnesses. i don’t like being like this#my sleep schedule is so fucked up again and im tired of this constant cycle#this constant fight and endless effort to stay on a goddamn routine#all i want for christmas is a goddamn consistent sleep schedule#i hate sleeping through the day and being up all night but it’s like my body was fucking built for that or something#i don’t like it!! i want to be an early bird who goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up before the sun rises!!! but im the exact opposite!!!!!!!#i wish i just didn’t need to sleep at all. that would be the ideal. so many problems would be solved.#no i Really wish i just had the ability to fall asleep and wake up whenever i actually Want To instead of my body calling the shots#fell asleep at 9 this morning and im so mad that i didn’t get up when i was woken up at 11#a 2hr nap would’ve been fine and i would’ve made it through the rest of the day and been able to fucking sleep again tonight#but noOOooOoOo i had to give in to the allure of my warm cozy bed and fall back asleep for 9 more goddamn hours#now once again im too awake and rested to be able to go back to sleep. but once morning rolls around im gonna be exhausted again#and i’ll either give in and attempt to take a ‘nap’ and it’ll turn into a 12hr sleep again#or i’ll have to like. walk laps around the fucking house just to keep myself awake through the day#and i’ll be super irritable as a result and make everyone around me miserable too#but everyone is already beyond fed up with my issues and behavior. rightly so i guess. so i lose either way#god there was so much stuff i was gonna/supposed to do today#i don’t know how much longer they’re gonna put up with me being such a deadbeat#you think that’d like. motivate me to get my shit together or something but no. i’m addicted to being unconscious i guess#sleep feels so fucking good. until i wake up. which is funny bc it’s all nightmares and stress dreams anyway. why do i even enjoy sleeping#i guess bc for the first few hours after waking up i experience some modicum of relief from my other mental illnesses’ symptoms#like a soft reset.#and it’s the Only thing that gets rid of my migraines so god forbid i get one of those bc then i Have to sleep regardless of the time of day#anyways! :) that’s enough whining for one vent post. time to go do something productive
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The best feeling in the world is when there’s a piece of media you know you love and you’ve hyped it up as your favorite thing for so long but you haven’t revisited it in a while so you start to worry if it’s really as good as you make it out to be and so you go back and revisit it and it’s like. Oh this is even better than I remembered this shit rules
#the klock keeps ticking#i always get this feeling when i play 999 but tonight i got it with the letter#cuz ive uh finally decided to bite the bullet and play the evil meanie route where everyone dies 😟#a route ive put off for so long cuz its just too damn sad to think about akjdksk god it hurts#and ive played like for the most part every route of this game EXCEPT this one but i know the ending is really dark and i need to see it#plus i will at least get my beloved torture scene in so thats nice#i didnt kill off isabella though its a coma route which i hope still allows me to get the ending i want cuz i mean shell still be out of#commission in the final scene so hopefully it works out#but yeah no i started off tonight on the marianne chapter and while i did skip around through it cuz ive played it many times and i just#wanna get to the important stuff already alskj i also just replayed some of the best parts#aka the shit where lorraine appears and the gay shit alksks and god like hnnnghh not only does this chapter still ruin me emotionally#i also just remembered why i love this character so much and remembered just how good the character writing in this game is#and i also played into the rebecca chapter and didnt skip as much cuz i actually am not as familiar with the coma route#cuz it makes me sad and i never revisited it lol and i havent gotten to The Scene that makes me sob yet#its so coming though dont worry but idk i guess its just been cuz ive been thinking about p3 so much lately#and in particular shinji both the death route and coma route but in particular the coma cuz thats what im writing#and damn lol the letter just writes the grief and nuanced relationships and death stuff so much better lol god#like marianne loses her childhood best friend whom she has a gay ass relationship with to suicide and like its just better#she blames herself and still isnt even kinda okay with it after 13 years#like it just fucking ruined her and the only thing keeping her from losing it is her repression and drinking problem and unattached sex#and then with coma route well fucking first off isabellas friends actually like. visit her frequently damn#and they just all have such unique ways of coping like Zach is being optimistic so no one gets too upset#rebecca is sorta in charge of making sure everything goes smoothly she has to contact the family and make big decisions#and shes also just taking the most stress and shes got so many complicated feelings around isabella going on but she genuinely cannot stand#that isabella is hurt shes fucking destroyed she loves isabella and then ashton AAAAA god yeah i also just remembered that hes SUCH a good#character hes like being a genuine asshole right like Rebecca calls to tell him that isabella is comatose now and he literally doesnt let#her say anything he literally says ‘i dont have time for other things rn’ like the wellness of his friend is just ‘other things’#but you just know thats not it not at all hes burying himself in work to the point of destruction so he can figure out who did this and make#everything okay and he refuses to show even an ounce of vulnerability cuz THE SECOND HE DOES IT ALL COMES OUT AND HE CANT GET OUT OF BED#ANYMORE CUZ HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY WHEN THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE IS DYING
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Soulmates AU in which when your soulmate is in a situation that can result in their death you get to see through their eyes. Like, I don't know how to explain this- it kind of flashes between what you see and what your soulmate sees. You know those edits where there's a scene going on and there's another one faded in the background happening at the same time? Similar to that. The idea is that you get to see what your soulmate sees too, on top of what you're seeing.
Now, this AU but JeanMarco. With Marco asking the others where's Jean, just for him to start seeing a corpse right in front of his eyes not even a second after asking. Seeing through Jean's eyes as he's trying to get hold of that gear and stuff. And once Jean's safe, once it clicks that you know his best friend is his soulmate Marco can't wait for them to graduate so he can you know tell him that.
Then, you know. That happens. And Jean is so fucking confused because he keeps seeing Annie crying, looking down on him. Only when Annie starts getting off the gear, when his soulmate starts moving around trying to get away he starts panicking, starts moving around faster than before. And maybe he's too late. Or maybe he shows up in time and kills the titan. I don't know. That's not where I'm trying to get, but to the second option AKA Marco pulling an UNO reverse on Annie because he's a smart sneaky bastard like that and being like 'Hey you can't kill me, my soulmate will know it was you' which makes her stop trying to take off his gear. Reiner keeps telling her to do it, Bertholdt keeps yelling about that titan coming closer, but Annie... she has seen things, at some point. Flashes of moments that weren't hers, happening right in Trost- right in that moment. And she didn't give them too much thought until that moment, until it got confirmed that it has nothing to do with her titan powers.
'What do you mean by that?' she asks, because she needs to know more. Because she wants to know more. And Marco starts explaining how it works. Tells them that he has found his soulmate, that they will put all the blame on them for his death. Reiner doesn't believe him, keeps insisting that he's playing them around - he, and anyone born and raised on Marley, has never heard of something like that before, it doesn't exist - but Annie tells him to shut up and to let Marco go. Cue to the plot of any fic in which Marco doesn't straight up die after finding up their secret.
Anyway I don't know man, just,,, We need more soulmate aus for JeanMarco. That's an order.
#When I wrote this my mind was to Mina x Annie like straight up I was like 'Yeah Mina's Annie's soulmate and she saw her dying' but my brain#liked to remind me that you know Armin has a nerd death experience too. So it can go either way guys the idea is that Annie's soulmate l#either died in Trost or was close to dying#Some little things I daydreamed about while waiting to get home to finish this post (more like little details for the au than anything#else) : Only Eldians can have a soulmate aka only subjects of Ymir. Marley being the racist motherfucker they are aren't aware of the whole#soulmate thing. That's why Reiner Berthold and Annie has no clue something like that exists they didn't get taught about that. Meanwhile#everyone on Paradis knows about soulmates kind of hard not to when many SC die on a basic lol. Is something normalized for them#Also another little detail would be that a Titan Shifter can't see during their shift. Aka Eren didn't see through Mikasa's eyes during#Trost despite her being near death at some point(s) (I'm thinking about when Titan Eren punched that Titan coming for Mikasa but honestly?#She was in danger when Eren lost control too). So yeah that's all I have for now#I think it also make sense a little for some soulmate thing to occur on top of the titan powers given the whole 'love story' between Ymir#and King Friz (or whatever his name fuck that guy- in a nonsexual way). So yeah we should totally play around with the concept of soulmates#more#This post is a mess but I started it at like 11 pm and finished it at 6 pm let me be man. My sleep deprived mind came out with this one#I make no promises to actually write something with this - I'll have to re-watch the first two season and kind of update as I watch the#other seasons so yk. Low chances. But feel free to use this as you please haha. Go wild guys. It doesn't even need to be JeanMarco yk#Like Annie seeing Mina die with her own eyes??? And her thoughts process for the whole time once she finds out she was her soulmate#Or ykyk Historia Witnessing Ymir's death??? Nicolo losing his shit over seeing that little girl shoot his soulmate??? LEVI SEEING FLASHES#OF BIG ASS STONES THROWN AROUND#Man actually you can play around with Levi so much like we have Petra too and Hange and-#Regardless#aot jean#aot marco#aot#jeanmarco#Aot JeanMarco#jean kirstein#jean kirschstein#marco bodt#marco bott
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im having SUCH complex and complicated thoughts and feelings about valentino. unfortunately all that comes out of my mouth is the same old shit about how much i want him to rail me. i hate this
#text#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel valentino#my post#LIKE......... yes hes despicable yes hes a monster yes he deserves to have all his power stripped from him#leaving him nothing more than a broken husk of what he used to be#i want him broken and full of despair. i want him to feel what his victims feel when he abuses them#i want him to experience true pain and true loss. in the shape of him losing vox and velvette when they inevitably get hunted down#and they (vox and velvette) blame it on valentino because he cant let shit GO#bringing down hell's fury around and on them#i want him alone and helpless#i want him to finally understand what he exposed his victims / employees to. and i want him to feel the smallest sliver of remorse#before he ultimately discards this particular feeling and tries to rise to power once more#spending a lifetime trying to forget how it made him feel to be beaten#anyway.#i also want him to rail me#like#that is very much definitely also a thing#but i need him to finally be vulnerable and realize that he can actually lose everything and everyone around him#nsft in tags
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i always thought i was a very typical enemies to lovers girlie but i think i just realized my actual taste in ships is the dynamic where the two are supposedly equal rivals/enemies who represent diametrically opposed themes (for the Aesthetic), but in actuality it’s just one of them yanking the other around on a chain while the other whines and rages and protests and ultimately makes an absolute spectacle of themselves
so uhhh. how did THAT happen and when and why
#L and light fit this dynamic bc my mental model of their conversations is like this#L shoots light a question mostly meant to fuck with him and it works bc light instantly starts running in around in circles in his brain#he’s like a circus performer juggling ten rings on a tightrope. obsessively constructing his answer based on what he imagines he looks like#in L's eyes. he's like... a peacock strutting around with his feathers out or some shit. so easily provoked. he's doing this to himself!!!#this is not even mentioning that L had light on a literal leash (that's what im calling the chain.) but anyways#i started shipping them in yotsuba arc and it was the moment where light did a thing in hunting down yotsuba and L was like hmm. good boy.#(me: having visions of light's brain shorting out in this moment (bc the praise kink shit is so real and personal to me))#but then he turns it into another test: you're so good you could replace me actually. and then light just calls him on it in front of the#whole task force with this big dramatic speech like he'd reached into L's brain and pulled the thoughts directly from his head#light is constantly performing at L's whims and he hates it ofc. he's under investigation; why wouldn't he? but secretly he's having the#time of his life bc he's a bit deranged and he likes showing off!!! to L!!!#out of all versions of light i think yotsuba!light felt most strongly about having Something To Prove. to everyone and to L specifically#at this point after the fake-memory kira shenanigans he's def not a normal strait-laced boy even if he's pretending very hard to be one#theres so much u can do w that dynamic imo. like it isnt just neutered kira vs L it's got its own flavor that can only exist at that time#especially if u also assume L realizes light has lost his memories and is kinda trying to manipulate him about it#anyways back to my original point. i can't believe it took an anthropomorphic tv man hitting the base versions of my tastes with deadly#precision for me to even realize what they were. im going insane about this. thank you anthropomorphic tv man. i guess#this is also why alastor + lucifer isn’t doing it for me i think. hating each other over power levels? or over charlie? boringgg#it’s gotta be more personal than that. they’re more evenly matched in how they feel about each other but it feels soulless#i need that raw gut churning angst lmaooo#this is also partly why i can’t get into angel + husk and im MAD about it. i think they’re the kind of ship i might’ve liked back when i#was 12 and losing it over sns (naruto) for the first time. but now i’m a diff type of person apparently
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my brain decideding to wire itself into waking up at 5-7 am when my partner and friends are all deep night owls is . Not fun i don't think,
#will prolly delete later im having a 4am conniption bc the brain demons immediately attacked me#i miss hanging out with Everyone tails. i miss halo nights tails. i miss it a lot. ill be back#eugh. gonna try taking my concerta later in the day. maybe that'll shift my shit around#ive been starting to feel way more soul crushingly lonely during the day if i don't spend my hours distracting myself and subsequently --#losing all my energy for nighttime. it's not good on my brain i think ive been for real a lot more unstable and im not sure how much --#longer im able to keep a can on it. :hep:#vent
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people begging me to do something to make a certain someone happy aren’t taking into account that i hate this person and i will revel in the knowledge that i kept them from getting the most perfect version of what they wanted. in fact i hope they mourn the loss of this for the rest of their life and die unhappy about it
#i wish i could do worse. i wish i could go through and ruin everything i ended up giving them (all against my wishes) and i wish#i could ruin everything they love because god do i hate them and i will laugh when they finally fucking die#i have no idea why everyone glosses over all the shit this person has done to us and all the pain they’ve caused and i can’t fathom why#everyone wants to make them happy and why they’re willing to beg and bribe for me (and one other person who also hates them) to#give in but it is amusing and i hope they all fucking cry about it like oh nooo did poor [REDACTED] not get something they will never#get another chance to have ? oh well that sucks so bad for them i’m oh so sorry i caused that i can’t believe i managed to ruin their#chances for this how awful that this person i hate who has done and gotten away with so many horrible things didn’t get their perfect#little fantasy how sad we should all comfort them and call me a bitch who has no respect for anyone#god sometimes i wish i gave into violence more in the past bc i wish i got to fucking beat their ass up back when it would be self-defense#unforch i will never get to now. SAD!#i suppose i have murder fantasies and the thought of being able to ruin their funeral to soothe my soul#and the knowledge that i could make them fucking hurt by refusing to cooperate w them#and ough every time an opportunity presents itself for me to fucking take back what they took from me arises i have to fight myself#on it bc everyone will know it was me. i don’t even want what they have i just want them to know they will never get it back and#god it would upset them so much but they never should have had it in the first place ough if i get the chance before i ditch everyone here#for good i’d want to take it and stick around just long enough to hear how much they’ll cry about it before i fuck off#unforch i would need to know where all of their copies of things are but fuck i hate knowing they’ve taken so much from me bc i didn’t#get a fucking choice and they think they have to right to keep it all bc oh it makes them so happy they love having it they’re so fucking#afraid of losing it but it’d be so easy and i doubt they’d even notice for a while and i genuinely could disguise it as a mistake something#got misplaced some files corrupted etc etc but whatever this is fantasy a sweet little daydream of mine my second fantasy involving#them has smth to do with setting their house on fire and my third fantasy is desecrating their grave when the time comes#okay i’m done w this lalalalalala *skips off into the distance* i think revenge is not productive but god is it delicious to think about
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