#lord help me i am on a fucking DEADLINE

[jen-with-a-pen]

y'all how am I supposed to do any work at home when the internet is right there, which means logan howlett fics and wolverine edits and hugh jackman clips are right there

[aemondsladywife]

Until He Met Her

aemond targaryen x reader

author's note: i am SO sorry this is so late, i lost my phone which meant i lost this and i've been dying in deadlines but i hope you like it, i haven't written in years, feedback is appreciated <3

genre: slight angst, fluff at the end <3

aemond targaryen did not believe in love.

he saw the way his father treated his mother, the way his brother treats his wife. he knew very well that his marriage would be one of duty, to increase alliances and to produce heirs.

aemond targaryen did not believe he could be loved.

sure, his mother loved him, but that was it. it was the day that he lost his eye that consolidated his feelings. other than his mother, not a single person had defended him, not even his own father. he felt sorry for his future wife, having to live someone such a 'monster' like him.

that was until he met you.

it was his nephew's nameday celebrations or in aemond's eyes, another excuse for his brother to get drunk. the prince hated such celebrations like this. he found them rather pathetic, lords drowning themselves in their cups whilst the ladies entertain themselves with the latest gossip. however, aemond kept himself entertained with his observations and on his nephew's nameday, his observation was you.

you stuck out to him the moment you walked in. this was the first time he'd ever seen you, walking in with a smile plastered on your face, bursting with energy, greeting every single guest as if the celebration was your own. in all honesty? he found you bizarre. he found it bizarre how you insisted on acquanting yourself with every person in the room regardless of their birth. he found it bizarre as to how he can hear your loud laugh from the other side of the table. he even saw you talk to his stoic grandfather which caught him by surprise. he couldn't bring himself to admit it, but he was sliently waiting for you to approach him.

however, aemond's attention was diverted when he heard his name mentioned in the whispers of the lords and ladies, started by tyland lannister.

"how can the kings brother remain unwed? there must be something gravely wrong with him."

"he has one eye, is that not enough wrong with him."

"i heard that along with eye went his heart."

"which lady would want to lay with such a deformed creature?"

although the prince was used to such chatter and knew it was best to ignore and rise above, to remain unbothered, he still felt hurt. his missing eye always was and always will be his greatest insecurity.

"gods brother, you look like you've got something stuck up your backside no wonder why you've never danced with anyone other than mother." aemond rolled his eyes at the sound of his brothers voice, fighting the urge to put his fist in face.

"it is not that no lady wants to dance with me, i do not want to dance. whilst you fuck, drink and dance brother, i do your job." he replied with anger laced in his voice. aegon backed down, knowing better than to provoke his brother even further.

the music had changed which meant it was time for the dancing, which was also aemond's cue to leave. he never bothered to approach ladies, he could see the fear and disgust on their faces and would rather leave than face rejection.

"my lord Lannister, it has been a while are you keeping well?"

aemond felt slightly disappointed but not surprised by your approachal to the lannister lord. he had hoped you wouldn't mix with such people but then again, who didn't view him in such a way?

"my lady y/n, your beauty increases by the day, i would be a fool not to ask for this dance."

just as the prince was ready to leave, he heard,

"it is with great regret my lord i cannot accept your offer as i am to dance with another. my prince Aemond, may I have this dance?"

the prince was more than shocked. he concealed his feelings well enough but he couldn't help but feel confused. first, he was confused by you. you came in smiling with mountains of energy entertaining every single person now you came up to HIM and asked him for a dance? confused was an understatement. not only that, it wasn't normal for a lady to ask a prince for a dance nor was it normal for aemond to dance in such occasions with anyone other than his mother or sister. he was nervous, he could feel the all the eyes on him.

"with pleasure, my lady."

with that aemond took your hand and placed one hand on your waist and began to dance. he knew he was a good dancer, all the years of training meant he was swift on his feet but it still wasn't enough to stop his nerves.

"you seem tense, my prince?"

his one eye looked at you. he found you beautiful. he knew he was dancing with the most beautiful woman in the room. he strongly believed that you danced with him out of pity.

before he could replied you leaned in to his ear and whispered,

"take a look at tyland lannister for me my prince, i think his reaction might be enough to ail you."

he looked past your shoulder and right at the lannister lord who had an amusing mixture of jealousy, shock and confusion written accross his face to which both you and aemond couldn't help but laugh.

he visibly loosened up after that, which caught the attention of his mother and grandfather who shared a knowing look. after everything that happened with her own marriage, aegons and helaena's marriage and aemond's traumatic childhood, all alicent wanted was for aemond to be happy and loved.

aemond quickly spun you both around so aegon was in your eye line, who's face showed nothing but pure confusion.

"my lady, just behind me is my brother, the king, tell me what does he look like right now?"

"his grace seems rather perplexed my prince, but i think that may be due to all the ale."

you both made eye contact once again and couldn't help but laugh. whilst aemond was enjoying himself, the insecurities came creeping in. he couldn't understand why you would dance with him.

"tell me, my lady, why is that you dance with me?"

"is there any reason why i shouldn't dance with you my lord? is there something you are not telling me?" you reply amusingly

"do you not hear the whispers of the court? most ladies are repulsed by the sight of me." he said lightheartedly, but you could hear it was much more than a jest.

your squeeze his hand for a moment and hold it a little tighter. you knew the real story of prince aemond, and you couldn't help but have a soft spot for him.

"but of course i hear the whispers. but why should i take any heed? before me is a handsome, brave prince who rides the greatest dragon is westeros, why would i be repulsed? those who cower away and take heed to the gossip are at a great loss, they do not get to meet the prince aemond i have just encountered."

his gaze softens. he couldn't find an ounce of insincerity in your voice. he felt appreciated and at the very moment, the prince realised he had fallen for you. prince aemond targaryen, who had never truly known peace, finally felt it with you.

"my lady, i would like you to meet my mother."

taglist: @moonmaiden1996 @the-orions-belt @animusxy @uselessbutinteresting @dianaelena15 @sahanna @skythighs @modicum-ofnothing @cullenswife @ewansmitchells @whitesunflower @mugiwaraelly @fultimefangirl @allyoursriver @molieski @sunna-fangirls @fragilemarissa @stillinracooncity @paperstreetsoaps

*tags w a line through didn't work!!

**i really appreciate comments and reblogs <3

[shadowqueenjude]

Azriel stood there silently, staring at Rhysand as he gave him instructions.

“So, are you ok with it? Dealing with Eris?”

Now, Azriel was no political expert, but he didn’t see how this could possibly work. “You do remember the High Lord meeting, right?”

Rhysans shrugged nonchalantly, leaning back in his chair. “So?”

Azriel’s shadows swirled agitatedly around him. “Where I, you know, tried to strangle him?”

Rhysand snorted. “Helion was into it, you know.”

Azriel bared his teeth at Rhysand. “Is there anything that man isn’t into? The point is, I hate him and I’m sure Eris feels the same way about me. It’ll be a disaster. Besides, I am no courtier.”

Rhysand slammed his hand on the table, leaning forward. His violet eyes were filled with rage. “You will do as I say, Azriel. Mor is in Vallahan, and after the Nesta incident, we cannot use Cassian anymore. After Solstice, one would think you’d have stopped trusting yourself to make intelligent decisions.”

Azriel blushed, but he sent all his raging back at Rhysand. “Fine,” he grumbled under his breath. “I’ll do it.” Not like he would’ve dared disobeying Rhysand anyway.

“Good. I accept a full report by midweek.”

Azriel spent the next few days researching the Autumn Court with the help of his good friend Gwyn. She was very helpful and clearly very clever, but no one could cram this much knowledge into a few days. Whatever. Perhaps he’d just kill Eris for good this time. What did they even need him for anyway? The image of Mor nailed to the border of Autumn caused his hands to clench into fists.

Prick. Cunt. Asshole.

It didn’t matter how many names Azriel called Eris; it didn’t change the deadline fast approaching. Fuck. What would Azriel even say? He was no good at this shit. He scribbled down a few opening lines on a piece of paper that he shoved into his pocket, trying to soothe his anxiety. He felt naked without his usual Illyrian leathers, dressed in a black and gold doublet which was so far out of the realm of something he would wear. This seemed ostentatious even for Rhysand, but something that Eris would approve of. Yuck.

Azriel’s shadows tried to send him soothing thoughts and words, one of them going so far as to caress his cheek. Azriel slapped it away.

It’ll be ok, Azriel. Just stick to the script.

Azriel melted into shadow and reappeared at the meeting location. All words emptied out of his head, filled with only a pounding rage that saw a vulnerable target that ought to be taken out. Azriel walked towards him silently, blending into the shadows. On the last few steps, Azriel leapt at Eris, who whipped his head around so fast that Azriel didn’t see it coming.

Eris blasted him back with fire, pinning him to the ground in orange-red manacles. Azriel’s shadows swirled around him maniacally as Eris smirked at his supine form. His body glowed with an aura of flame, a sound like crackling embers emanating from his form. Such a contrast to his dark, silent form made to blend in.

“They didn’t send the general this time?” Eris crooned. Cassian. Azriel gave away nothing. Eris pulled out a dagger- Nesta’s Made dagger- and began cleaning his nails. “Well, thank the Mother for that. Perhaps you, at least, will speak like someone who has had an education.”

Azriel scowled. “You know just as well as I that I possess no political acumen.”

Eris shrugged, that smirk not leaving his face. “Worry not, shadowsinger. The bar is…exceptionally low.”

Eris had the ability to turn a compliment into an insult with the slightest turn of phrase. It rankled Azriel, who struggled against his chains of flame, trying to sneak his way out.

Eris tsked. “Already sick of me, Illyrian brute? My my, you lot have no stamina,” he drawled. He conjured a chair and sat on it, facing his prisoner. “Any news from Night, Azriel?”

Azriel kept his mouth shut. He wasn’t about to reveal precious information without Eris giving something as well.

Eris chuckled. “See?” he crooned. “Already better than Cassian. He would’ve been spilling everything to me before I even had the chance to ask.”

A mocking compliment, but Azriel couldn’t deny that some part of him relished being better than Cassian. Cassian, who’d slept with his love Mor out of jealousy. Cassian, who Feyre, Rhysand, and Mor all preferred to him. Cassian, who had an Archeron mate while he did not.

“What is happening with your father,” Azriel asked flatly. Eris’s smile faded. “Lucien and I exchanged some information while I visited Spring. You’ve stationed him there for the time being, yes?”

Azriel clenched his teeth and nodded. Eris continued, “He told me that Tamlin and Tarquin intended to start relocating Spring Court refugees in Summer back to Spring, and well…it seems that somehow my father has gotten word of it.” He fixed his piercing amber eyes on Azriel. “My father intends to infiltrate the refugee train. Spark violence there. I’m sure his goal is to take down Spring and Summer in one swoop.”

Cold trickled down Azriel’s spine. The Hybern war had left them all vulnerable, and it seemed that Beron would stop at nothing to obtain all of Prythian for himself.

“Then you must know,” Azriel said quietly. “We had an intergalactic visitor recently.”

Eris’s eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly, the only sign of his surprise. “What?”

“It seems that there are some who have the ability to travel through worlds,” Azriel continued. “The girl who came…she has revived the Dusk court. Beron may be coming after that abandoned land too, and he may be seeking allies outside of this world. Allies far more formidable than even Koschei.”

Eris scrubbed his face, true emotion shining in there for once: worry. “This is crucial information. Thank you for telling me, shadowsinger. I must return home straight away.”

Taken aback by the abrupt announcement of his departure, Azriel whispered, “How are we going to stop him?”

Eris smiled, though it didn’t meet his eyes. “Trust me, shadowsinger. I’ve been dealing with him for centuries.” Then, to Azriel’s eternal shock, Eris knelt before him, his eyes searching and open, his face soft. He pressed his hand to Azriel’s cheek, bending his face over so that their lips were centimeters apart.

“I look forward to working with you more often, shadowsinger,” Eris murmured, and Azriel felt his breath against him. He couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe until Eris stood up and winnowed away.

The manacles disappeared with Eris. Azriel got up, brushing the dirt off of his clothing. He cursed himself for letting him get so close, for letting him affect him so, for not being more vicious.

He hated that he liked Eris Vanserra more than his own found family.

For Day 1 of @azrisweek contrasts

also tagging @hieragalbatorixdottir

[almostfoxglove]

Not to pressure you at all but do you already know the order in which you're gonna publish your WIPs, or do you post them sort of spontaneously? Just wanna know what I should look forward to next :)

omg hi angel!! you're too sweet ahhhh <3 <3 I post spontaneously (truly unfortunate - I wish I were structured enough to have schedules, but alas my adhd does not cooperate with deadlines for creative things) BUT I do usually have a sense of the order I'd like to work on things, so I can give you a guess!!

the next thing I post will be chapter 13 of see you at three (should be live pretty soon)

I'm going on holiday later this month, and while I'll have my laptop with me I expect I won't be able to finish / post anything while I'm gone - so for the rest of october I think this is what I am most confident that I'll be able to get done (pray for me):

the prettiest part 2 (max phillips)

i'll carry you finale (since I've already started it)

if I'm lucky, my entry for fuck-tober (maxwell lord)

then when I'm back in november, I'm itching to work on (but the order is TBD):

lock the gate finale (wish I could do this sooner)

an entry for the jolabrew + withcheese fall challenge (frankie)

probably syat chapter 14

more than letters (my frankie one shot that tbh I think is going to end up a mini series / 2 part-er LMAO, so I guess the first part of that)

I'm going to be writing a lot in november for my own projects that aren't internet/fic related so I suspect my fic-posting might be slower next month, but who knows! I'm fairly ~go with the flow~

but I hope this is sorta helpful!! and obvs if there's anything you're really itching for don't be shy - I can't promise anything but I'm always happy to hear what y'all are most excited for (and it's often pretty motivating) <33 ILY honey, thank you for this. it's really sweet to know someone's excited about my stuff ahh :,,)

[novashelby]

Imagine not stating important ballot deadlines ON THE FUCKING BALLOT.....bitch, you will take my fucking vote and I swear to God, I will....LORD help me. Cause I am fuming pissed.

Firstly, I had to do an emergency ballot cause my original got lost in the interspace.....Now, you tell me....Ya know, I'm done.

I am going to sink into despair and be angry

[antiqua-lugar]

fuck it it's veilguard plotting time

just spent three hours putting things into boxes and couldn't even go to gym because my headphones died, moving sucks, i am taking a break so it's plotting rooks for veilguard time!!! (with the help of this picrew)

main rook: male - dwarf - warrior - shadowdragons - LI: Lucanis

just a regular dwarf from a merchant family in the dwarven enclave of minrathous who went well. this is fucked up. dwarven society is fucked up. tevinter society is fucked up. i really can't sit here and not do anything about it.

his house isn't happy but his family is supportive and also they have given up on telling him what to do long ago. the one time they tried to matchmake him, his perspective wife decided to follow her dreams and ran away to antiva.

depending on how they met it's not impossible he flirted with varric. he will do it again because is he just supposed to NOT flirt with famous author varric tethras?!

tall for a dwarf to go with lucanis being a short king.

rook: female - city elf - rogue - shadowdragons - LI: neve

your regular hypercompetent servant who is actually plotting a revolution. on the side she's looking for her favourite uncle who disappeared months ago. if he got killed she would like to know by whom and shank them.

conceptually, started as the watson to neve's noir holmes and instead she became a jeeves.

rook: male - dalish elf - NOT A MAGE - grey wardens - LI: davrin

bargained his way into the grey wardens in exchange for help with his clan and now he is faithfully fighting darkspawn - preferably nearby other dalish clans, thank you very much. "wardens can't have families" but no one said anything about not checking up on your allies, did they. spent a few years in the deep roads and learnt some dwarven and also likes dwarven food. depending on the world state he might or might not have spent a night with a warden hawke. he definitely hit on velanna and she said no. his sister is a keeper.

i predict many "no, the OTHER dalish grey warden" moments.

he's supposed to be the stoic type on the outside.

rook: nb - human - mage - antiva crows - LI: emmrich

between the circle and becoming an assassin that at least can go whatever the fuck they want, at five years old they already picked becoming an assassin.

really good at disguises and going undercover despite the fact that they are REALLY FUCKING TALL so they definitely stand out in a crowd. how the fuck does that work.

they definitely aren't telling emmrich to just let them know if he needs more corpses.

they might have some white hair due to crow training do not even worry about it.

rook: male - human - ? - mourn watch - LI: taash

he's a scholar. he is doing the thedas equivalent of a phd. he is tired. picrew doesn't let me show it but he's greying and it's mostly the stress. he is 100% into whatever solas is doing because it looks extremely cool and he wants to know everything about it but also can solas stop doing it he has deadlines.

i think he'll probably not be a mage but whatever role i think will work better to be a mortalitasi assistent.

either extremely tall so he and taash can look like the biggest couple you have seen in your life or quite short so she use him as headrest.

rook: female - dalish elf - ? - lord of fortunes - LI: bellara

she genuinely thinks it's fun to hunt for treasure but also she's on a quest to retrieve elven artifacts and bring them back to the dalish.

i'm thinking she might be a mage in a year where no one really needed a second or a third so she was allowed to go adventuring as long as she promised to write back regularly.

also I like the idea that she left a guy at the (metaphorical) altar when she killed a bear for their engagement and realised she was dreading it and would rather go have another round with the bear. she gave the pelt to her mom for safekeeping "i am definitely getting married one day I promise".

she always makes sure to bring jewelry for her mother and her sisters at every arlathvhen (she WILL attend even if it kills her).

rook: male - vashoth - ? - veil jumpers - LI: harding

there aren't that many options as a vashoth to build a life but sometimes you go hunting and thinking and stumble in people doing cool fade stuff in the woods.

i honestly ship harding so much with one of my inquisitors that romancing her myself is going to annoy me a bit, I can already tell. i really like this guy tho. oldest sister is working for the company lead by my ashkari adaar in a timeline where she isn't inquisitor.

[madame-fear]

it's really really dumb okay- but i swear the dumbest littlest storytimes make me cringe the fucking hardest, idk why, maybe it's the autism /hj

it has to do with me, obviously. have you ever had an idea for a work you wanted to post, and had like THE IDEA itself but didn't know how to write it? to the point where you know it's going to be so fucking good but- the writing ends up looking like shit because you don't have any imagination on how to start it?

well if that's the case, thats what happened to me as well. i had an idea, really great one and i wanted to develop it. i spent an entire week (i had a deadline for myself in order not to spend too much time so no other could post the idea before me) and in the end, since the deadline passed, i forced myself to make a small drabble out of it and post it. i literally posted it and went to bed like, now its in the hands of GOD, that child is not mine.

for previous context, before i even thought of developing the idea, i made a small post on my dash saying this:

(although it's an actual characteristic, like its not a headcanon or anything, its on their canon but everyone that wrote for that specific aspect wrote it with their own characterization / own take i did not want people accusing me of plagarizing)

and a mutual of mine said that please write it etc, i do not want to say the exact words in case they see this WHICH I HOPE NOT BECAUSE ITS NOT EVEN BAD BECAUSE IM CRINGING AT MYSELF BUT STILL

and i wrote it, super fast and badly, and posted it. and you know shit is bad when you recieve a: ooo that's good, from another mutual (not the one that left the note saying that please write it etc). BECAUSE I SWEAR IT FELT LIKE THOSE MOMENTS WHERE THE TEACHER DOESNT WANT TO TELL YOU DIRECTLY THAT YOUR WORK IS SHIT AND THEY SAY: it's good :)

NOT EVEN GREAT LMFAOSAO

the mutual that left the comment tho, they ended up liking my story- which i dont blame them, if i were them i would not even rb it myself tbh.

and the cringe only escalated from here, slowly but surely went up and beyond to the point where not even myself i could read that drabble and had it deleted it.

and you wanna know what's even more funny? (it's not). another acc, weeks later, posted a fic with the same fucking idea, just written with their personal style, and it has like 44 reblogs by now LMFAOO

my conclusion here is that whenever i remember that poor mutual that asked me to write the drabble for them and i did such a bad job that just recieved a like and weeks later found out another writer actually managed to acomplish what i wanted i cringe so fucking bad my eyes tear up

I AM FUCKING SCREAMING AND IN TEARS BECAUSE I GET THR PAIN SHWIKXEJIDKEKFI 😭😭😭

Like, you get an idea that’s so good to write, maybe a certain idea that hasn’t properly been written or one never seen before ��� the light of creativity is shred upon you blissfully. You tease your followers and people on the fandom about it, you prepare yourself mentally, wrap yourself around it because you know this fic is the one and true good SHIT; your best piece of work.

You have no idea how to put it in words, you just have the ghost of the idea lingering in you, so you try and prepare yourself so nobody else writes it before you. The time of putting it into words come when you think you are ready. And boom, you are staring at a full ass fic with disappointment, far away from what you wished and you are just like IN FUCKING TEARS FROM THE CRINGE.

HELP ME I SWEAR TO GOD THIS HAPPENED TO ME WITH THIS ONE EYED LORD LUKE FIC. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE THE DARKEST FIC I EVER MADE AND ITS FAR AWAY FROM HOW I IMAGINED WRITING IT AND I AM DISAPPOINTED T MYSELF AND FEEL ABSOLUTE CRINGE I CANT EVEN READ IT QJNENDKAMNFJGDKSKJF

I feel you on the mutual being like a teacher, or like that one parent that goes "this is great honey!!!" but they obviously say it out of compromise 😭 Like it happened to me many times AND I GENUINELY FEEL EMBARRASSED WHEN MY MUTUALS READ MY CRINGY ASS WORKS.

I am actually certain your work was great! The thing is that maybe when we have an idea we haven’t seen before or know it might actually be good, despite preparing ourselves around that idea to shape it as we wish, we kinda hurry into it — so nobody else does it first like you said, and I can 100% relate. Or at least, that’s something I noticed on myself! Perhaps you can relate too? 😭

ALSO THE FACT THAT ANOTHER WRITER POSTED THE SAME IDEA AND HAS 44 REBLOGS I SWEAR TO GOD I WOULD BE CRYING KICKING SCREAMING I HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPEBS LIKE ???? DOES GOD HAVE HIS FAVOURITES OR WHAT BRUHHH ITS NOT FAIR. WE PUT S MUCH EFFORT INTO OUR WORKS 😭😭😭 and surely the other writer too ofc BUT COME OOOON 🗡🗡🗡

[non-electrical-outlet]

11/14/24: TIME ZONES and DST ARE BULLSHIT

I am fuckin MIFFED right now because I just opened up Jitsi for my Coaching session this week and saw that it started at 5:00 instead of 6:00. Daylight Savings Time started the weekend of the 11/5, and I skipped that week's session due to school deadlines, and I haven't logged in to Jitsi until just now because I'm FUCKIN BUSY as SHIT with NURSING SCHOOL and THIS SUCKS.

I did just send my coach an email about it...

And got a response back from him like immediately, which is so awesome and amazing. TBFH I was having a good day and in a particularly good mood, only to have it come crashing down when I logged in and realized the situation, and my first thought was something like "God Damn It the universe is always out to make a fool out of me. Every time I'm in a really good mood, that just means something is about to go wrong, and the universe is just lifting me up to smack me down" Writing it out like that helps me analyze the thought and do my own DIY CBT of sorts, like yeah that's not the most scientific thought. "The Universe is both sentient and malicious", like whaaaat? But that's how it fuckin feels in the moment, and it feels like SHITE dude!

Anyways, we're having our session today at 8:00 PM my time, 2:00 PM his time, and I'm definitely going to at least mention that cognitive distortion up there in the quotation marks (Note to Self: self-directed learning of psychotherapy modalities would be cool, starting with CBT). I think I want to spend the bulk of our time on PC#1 and strategies to improve communication with my Dad. I think I'm ready to start talking to him again, ready to handle the discomforts and challenges and emotional labor involved, and ready to step out of the perspective of me being deeply wronged by him. Yeah I had some pretty shitty experiences and picked up a lot of emotional baggage from him, but continuing to view him as an adversary is no way to grow or move forward. Adolescence 2.0 is an opportunity to do things better than 10 years ago, with a more developed brain and soul. I've got my Therapeutic Communication Techniques from Nursing School, I've got my psychology background and whatnot, I've got healthy coping skills, emotional intelligence, other things to do with my emotions besides repressing them... I am better equipped than I've ever been in my whole life for this shit. I am ready to start caring for others again.

"I'm ready to start caring for other's again..."

I think my mental breakdown in the spring was essentially Baby's First Burnout, the point at which The Stressy Times came to a head. Between the physical + emotional labor I was doing at work, the emotional labor I was doing in my relationship, the academic and career work I was doing in nursing school, the reliance on substances as a quick and dirty coping mechanism, and the lack of regard for my own needs: I BURNT the FUCK OUT dude.

Today, after Mental Health Sim, I felt passionate about school again, about nursing and my future career, for the first time in this the year of our lord 2024. I felt both inspired and motivated to make dinner tonight, which was enjoyed by every person in the house. I felt genuinely and endogenously happy, no substances, for the first time in... who even knows how long, months at the very least.

It is very possible that the root of my recent irritation and hostility towards my Dad, my refusal to perform an ounce of emotional labor for him, is the Burnout from the Stressy Times. Things are going more smoothly since PC#1, and I would do well to remember that Dad has also had 10 years of Life since I was 15. House of Leaves was certainly a spooky read, but not all liminal spaces are so scary. The more comfortable I get with Becoming, the less often I'll feel so dissatisfied with Being.

That's it for now and for today. I wanna play some Ride 3 before coaching.

[thelovelyramblings]

Something just occurred to me. I always thought that my inability to build a good study habit, stick to a diet or workout routine, make it to events on time, and meet deadlines was a discipline issue. And it really JUST NOW at thirty fucking seven hit me, that it is NOT a disciple issue.

I was disciplined enough to have had a job from the age of 14. Be paying whole household bills by 17. Live out of state and maintain myself until the 'adults' in my life failed me, so I had to go home. Work three jobs by 20. Continue maintaining my mother's house until we had to move at 25. Go back to school and maintain a steady GPA, even while struggling to keep it together. Hold my family back from killing each other long enough to complete my father's dying wishes.

Discipline is what allowed me to make all the hard decisions that brought me to where I am now, finally finding some level of peace and achieving the goals I set out for myself twenty plus years ago.

It's not a discipline issue. It's a give a fuck issue. It's a priority issue. Because I have spent my life being disciplined enough to maintain people who should have been supporting me, protecting me, and helping me grow. Doing that without breaking took discipline and SO much more.

So, in this year of our Lord 2024, I'm shifting my priorities and focusing that discipline on myself. Because I deserve to exert the same level of energy I put into everything and everyone else into myself for a change.

[livvyofthelake]

well ok. so i think this one was better than a study in scarlet, it naturally should be considering a study in scarlet was our boy artie's first sherlock holmes book and the hound of the baskervilles was written like a decade later. actually idk about the time frame hold on. like 14 years later ish. and yes i know i am not reading any of these in order but the beauty of episodic storytelling is that well i don't have to do anything chronologically. also i should point out that i only happen to be reading these books and stories because i borrowed this "treasury of sherlock holmes" from my aunt to press flowers in and then i took the flowers out and i just have this book until october when i see her again. so if anyone expected me to be some kind of conisseuir you would be mistaken i just read i don't really go here... and of course, it's been said, you will never catch me watching adaptations of sherlock holmes. i don't want to do that who has the time for that... do you even fathom how many adaptations of these stories exist in the world? and based solely on what i know the most popular one is, i cannot imagine any are good. if you really made a case you could potentially convince me to watch the show with lucy liu in it but that's unlikely given that i do not have the time to be doing that. anyway back to the book. well obviously i liked it i gave it 5 stars (guy who gives everything 5 stars) HOWEVER. you would not fucking believe how much of that book is just johhny boy wandering the moors. i'm not kidding, the man was walking around those moors like he didn't have any hobbies (he doesn't). that being said i loved the setting... very gothic very creepy, i loved the almost supernatural twist (of course there are no supernatural elements to any sherlock holmes stories but there was toying with the ideas of a monster in here which was very fun to me!!), i loved the supporting characters as well, sir henry was a chill dude, the doctor guy was also a chill dude, loved that lady also. what was her name. miss stapleton, yeah she slayed, well. some things happened to her that did not slay but well i mean she was cool and i hope the best for her in the future <3 and of course john and sherlock's kit and ty swag is always unparalleled... cassie really really wantd to write some fanfiction whe she did tda huh. i've got images from the book i need to post just you wait... ideally i would have lord of shadows with me so i coul dmake silly parallel posts but that would be a little ridiculous actually so it's for the best i'm not doing that i think. but yeah. would recommend i really do think it was a sick ass book to read, would not recommend you try to read it in a single day and then not really get serious about reading it until after midnight and then you end up staying up til 4am on a self imposed deadline that makes you wish you were dead. like definitely don't do that, but i think you should all read it, or at least give her a try... i promsie my buddy john is fun to hang with he's a little freak he's sooo annoying he's awful at doing detective shit but sherlock loves him sooooo much so he keeps dragging him around in all his cases because they're best friends <3 you know the post about wanting a boyfriend not really to have a boyfriend but just to have some guy to take with you everywhere that does watever you want? that's what john is to sherlock <3 hope this helps

another classic beth book review. now that it's not 4am i have more to say about that book though stay tuned. just wanted to open with this because well it was funny <3

[lucycarlyle]

Today on Tumblr tm

And then

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[coastielaceispunk]

So Good For Me

Maxwell Lord x F!Reader

A Man’s World-Verse

Word Count: 4.4K+

Warnings: Language, established relationship, domestic family fluff, dom/sub situations, Switch!Max and Switch!Reader, masturbation, edging, fingering, orgasm denial, oral m receiving, dirty talk, praise kink, good boy/good girl, rough handling, face fucking, cum eating, brat taming if you squint, shower sex.

Summary: Ahead in work you find some time to surprise your husband Max for lunch. Let’s just say the day is full of surprises!

A/N: This adorable family is one of my favorite things to write. Alistair is so important to Max’s life and I can’t help but write him into these. The social normity they battle is very close to my heart and my life. I am also severely obsessed with Switch!Maxie to be honest. Thanks for reading!

MASTERLIST

+++++

On an ordinary Wednesday, you decide to surprise your supportive husband with a midday visit home. You never get to leave the office for an off site lunch, but you have worked hard to get ahead in your projects and exceeded your deadlines to do something nice for him. You’ve been working late hours and missing so much time, bringing him his favorite meal for a quick lunch before getting back to work sounds nice. For you both.

Max loves sweet surprises, and he loves you to the ends of the earth, so he will be ecstatic. With Alistair in school it will be nice to have a quiet meal with your man. After stopping on the way to pick up his favorite pasta dish, at his favorite local Italian restaurant, you are pulling into the driveway. Good, his car is here, he's not running errands. As you look up you notice very few lights are on inside the house. Is he home?

You grab your bag, the food, and expertly pile your wallet, keys, and beeper into one hand to exit the car. As quiet as you can, you put the keys in the door and enter. It's dark in the foyer and living room. Where is he?

“Maxwell?” you whisper into the seemingly empty house as you enter the kitchen. Maybe he is taking an afternoon nap and you don’t want to startle him, you’ll never hear the end of it. The food is placed on the island and you set off down the hallway to see if he's in the office. Not in there. Ok, he must be napping. You don’t have a ton of time and need to get back so maybe you will leave a note?

Then you hear a sound coming from upstairs. Perhaps that's him snoring because he's sleeping on his back? Oh Maxie. You begin to tip toe up the stairs towards the master bedroom to check on him, the door is wide open.

The sight that fills your eyes stops you dead in your tracks.

Max IS NOT sleeping. No.

Max is sitting on the bench, only in his navy blue silk sleep pants, knees spread wide, with his head thrown back, eyes closed, and one elbow behind him bracing himself on the foot of the bed. His other hand is in his pants, shoved underneath his waistband, pumping himself slowly bringing so much pleasure to his features. His brow furrowed in concentration and his lips part for his soft grunts to escape. The way his silk pants ripple with each motion of his fist shows the waves of ecstasy flowing off of his form. The tensing of his forearm, the stretch of his neck, the clenching of his bare abdomen…pure bliss.

It isn’t until you hear your name exhaled between his lips that you snap out of your statue like pause. Watching him from the doorway, he's touching himself thinking about you. Such a good boy he is. Max deserves more than just a surprise lunch, especially since he's already started without you.

“So needy aren't you baby?” You proclaim as you enter the room.

“Shit!” Max nearly falls off the bench as he jumps, the hand behind him grabbing his bare chest, his eyes immediately finding yours and softening from initial fear, “my darling, wha…what are you doing home?” He chokes out watching you cross the room to where he sits.

“I wanted to surprise you with lunch, but I can see my baby needs something else,” you speak slowly, quietly, while removing your work blazer and throwing it on the bed behind him. Max has already keyed into your tone and sits straight up with his one hand in his lap. “I didn’t know I gave you permission to touch yourself without asking nicely?”

“That…that’s so nice of you and…and I’m sorry sweetheart, I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” he continues to tug himself as you stand between his knees. You grab his wrist softly and remove his hand from his cock, he groans, “I had to.”

“Hmm, you have been a good boy lately,” you situate his hands on the tops of his thighs, “keep your hands there baby, okay?” Max nods and you give him a devilish smile, “Will you do as I say?”

“Yes.” Max cries out without hesitation.

“So good for me,” you say as you run your hands through his dark locks scratching his scalp, his eyes roll back and he shivers at your touch. “Now listen Maxwell, eyes open.”

“Yes Ma’am.” He answers as his hooded eyes find your gaze, the title makes your pussy flutter and you sigh in acceptance. This is about him right now.

You glance down at the large tent of his thin pants, you’ve been edging him since you walked into the room and know he could bust at any moment, any word from your sultry mouth would do it. The wet spot of his silk where his tip is proudly resting indicates he was so close before you rudely interrupted.

You take a long pause steeling your gaze with his…

“I am going to finger fuck your mouth,” you say with a sigh as you caress his face and run your thumb over his plush bottom lip, he whines, you continue, “you’re going to keep your palms right where they lay,” you tug on the hairs at the nape of his neck harshly to make him look up at you uncomfortably, his eyes widen and he grunts, “and you are going to come in your pants for me Maxwell.”

Max lets out a strangled groan and you see his cock jump from where you stand above him. He has a wrecked look on his face from your words alone.

“Can you do that for me baby boy?” you ask a breath away from his lips as you hold his jaw roughly.

Max nods as he squirms in his submissive pose. He sits so pretty for you when you choose to treat him this way. A way you are both very comfortable with after years of experimenting together.

“I need words sweetheart,” you demand as you release his jaw and run your fingers down the beautiful slope of his nose.

“Y…yes Ma’am!” he blurts out, unable to control the volume of his voice - he's so aroused by your handling of him.

At his agreement you part his lips with two fingers, oh so slowly, and push them into his mouth over his tongue. Your other hand braces on the back of his neck to hold him steady. Max looks up at you with his big brown eyes.

“Mmm, your lips look so pretty baby, and your mouth is so hot,” you look down at him and he moans around your fingers at the praise, “I hope my lips look this pretty around your thick cock.”

Max involuntarily rolls his hips looking for friction in his pants but never moves his hands like you asked. Your filthy words of praise and imagery have him panting, short exhales from his nose hitting the back of your hand.

You begin to pick up your pace fucking his mouth and start to move your fingers a little deeper, his eyes start to water. Max whimpers as you feel his whole body jump with anticipation of what you’ll say next as you look down at him with your mouth open.

“You look so good like this Maxwell, spit slick swollen lips, following direction so well, sitting like a good boy for me,” he starts to breathe a little harder and you can see his finger tips digging into his thighs with his usual bruising grip, he’s close, “are you going to ruin your favorite silk pants baby? I wanna see it, come in your pants Maxwell, c’mon, be my good boy.”

Max’s lips break the seal around your quick moving fingers as he cries out, his eyes tightly shut. You take this moment, knowing he’s on the edge again, to squeeze the back of his neck as hard as you can and drive your fingers even deeper down his throat. When you hear him gag and watch his eyes open in shock, your knees nearly buckle, your own arousal soaking your underwear and tights.

Max comes so hard he nearly stands up as his orgasm racks through his whole body, almost violently from all the edging. His hands slap his thighs and you jump. His hips buck a few times as you remove your fingers from his mouth slowly, his tongue licking them on the way out. Max then leans forward resting his head on your stomach, his body boneless.

You stroke the back of his head, his shoulders, then push him to lay back against the bed, “let me see baby,” Max obliges and leans back placing his hands on his rapidly rising and falling chest. You see the large wet spot of ruined silk and smile at him, he's already watching you, “you did so good.”

Max gives you a lazy smile as you move to hover above and kiss him, so proud. His hands find your waist and he pulls you on top of him deepening the kiss. You glance towards the clock and groan, annoyed.

“You have to go back, I know,” Max sighs with you then kisses you once, twice more and stands with a groan, handing you the blazer on the bed.

“I will be back before dinner,” you say before walking out the bedroom door together.

Max follows you down the stairs to see you out, “Alistair has a playdate this afternoon right after school but he will be home for dinner too.”

“Sounds great,” you answer with a happy nod while entering the kitchen, overjoyed he has made a good friend. As you are washing your hands at the sink Max presses himself against your back, his hands resting on the counter by your hips.

“Thank you for lunch my darling,” he kisses your temple, “I really loved my surprise visit.”

You spin around in his arms and hold him around his waist, “You are so welcome my love.”

Both grinning you kiss again before making your way to the door to grab your things. Max packaged your lunch to go so you actually eat something today. “What does your afternoon hold today bonita?” Max asks as he hands you the tupperware.

“Two meetings, but they will fly by, nothing too bad, you?” you quirk your eyebrow at him and glance down with a smirk.

“Ha, it seems I have some laundry to do!” you both laugh as Max grabs the door for you, “but don’t worry sweetheart,” he bends down to whisper in your ear, “I will surprise you back when you least expect it.”

You look into his dark eyes and it causes a shiver down your spine, you know he will get you back, ten fold. His wink guarantees it. You exchange ‘I love yous’ as you get into your car. The drive back to work is riddled with ideas of what Max will do in return.

+++

Home on time for dinner, just like you promised, Max greets you from the kitchen, hands covered in flour, as Alistair runs to you to give you a great big hug. As he continues to knead the dough for tonight’s ‘make your own pizza’ dinner, Max watches as you shower Alistair with kisses until he is trying to push you away giggling. The small boy pulls you into the kitchen babbling about his play date and school and his new best friend’s house. Max can’t help but look at you with so much love as you give your son your undivided attention and respond with questions, ooo’s and awe’s.

You finally reach his side as Alistair resumes his task of grating the cheese. With your arm around Max you lean up to kiss him hello. With a squeeze of his side, Max watches you excuse yourself to change out of your work clothes. He can’t take his eyes off of you as you walk up the stairs after what happened today during lunch.

Once you return a few minutes later, you all prepare your individual pizzas. It’s a fun family bonding activity that Alistair absolutely loves and it gets him in the kitchen. Max adores learning new recipes and cooking with his son. With the line of toppings laid out he observes his family’s choices as he hands them the pressed out dough. Alistair asked him to try the spin throw with the dough and he failed miserably with a laugh as it landed on the floor. Alistair giggled and told Max that they wouldn’t tell mommy about that one as he placed it in the trash.

Max makes his supreme pizza with all of the toppings, they chopped them all might as well use them. You make your favorite, Italian sausage and green peppers. Alistair makes a ‘gourmet’ pepperoni and cheese with a big smile. Max sets them all in the oven to bake and hangs in the kitchen as you take Alistair to the table to wait. He watches his beautiful family from afar with so much adoration. Alistair animatedly talking with his hands, like his Papa, and you giggling at his excitement and fun stories of his day.

When done he brings in everyone’s delicious looking pizzas, greeted with happy smiles. Family dinner comes and goes. He wishes these endearing moments would last forever, but there will be more.

After dinner, bath time, and some reading, Alistair is exhausted from his playdate. He goes to bed without a fuss and after kisses goodnight he is fast asleep under his glowing ceiling stars.

Max starts to clean up the kitchen and looks towards you bringing in some dishes, “I’ve got this my darling, why don’t you go take your shower and relax from your day.”

“You sure? I can help clean, you prepared every delicious morsel,” you answer as you hug him from behind, your hands on his full belly.

Max nods looking back at you as he continues to wipe the counter top. With a smile you agree and retreat to go get ready for bed with a nice hot shower.

This is his chance.

He finishes cleaning quickly and tip toes up the stairs, good the water is still running. He pokes his head in Alistair's room to check on him and sighs when he hears his tiny snores. The kid tuckered himself out today. Max closes his door and continues down the hall.

When he gets to the bedroom he strips himself of his day clothes, jeans and a button up. He enters the master bathroom silently, the air thick with steam, and slowly pulls back the shower curtain where you are currently shampooing your hair, eyes closed. Max takes in the vision of your naked body covered in soap suds and he roughly grabs his hardening cock. He carefully steps in behind you as you hum the current song stuck in your head.

“So beautiful sweetheart,” Max says slowly.

“Shit! Max!” you jump and he places his hands on your waist to steady you.

“Shh, surprise mi amor, now you know how it feels,” he says low and husky in your ear. You both giggle at his meaning, he rinses the last suds out of your hair, then he speaks seriously, “my baby girl looks so sexy covered in bubbles for me.”

He hears your breath hitch as he leans you against his chest. So warm and slippery. The water from the showerhead beating against your chest and abdomen. You easily sink into his soft hold. Then he moves his hand down to grab your ass firmly and you lean your head against his shoulder with a breathy sigh.

“So responsive to my touch baby,” Max whispers as he kneads your ass with strong fingers and caresses your lower stomach with his other hand. His fingers dip lower and lower each pass, closer and closer to brushing over your curls. Your hips roll up to seek his touch where he knows you want him and he continues, “do you want me to touch you darling?”

“Yes…” you sigh.

Max nudges his nose against your ear and with a nibble of your lobe he growls, “Ask me nicely like a good girl.”

“Yes, Sir, please, I need you to touch me,” you whimper and it echoes against the tile, the desperateness surrounds you both in the steam.

Giving you what you want, he surprises you again when he moves his hand from your ass, down between your cheeks, to slide his fingers through your folds from behind, you gasp and your hand slaps the tile wall.

“This sweet pussy is so wet…all for me baby?” he teases.

“Always, all yours, all for you Ma-AX!” you yelp when he cuts you off by sinking one of his thick fingers deep into your cunt. Max fingers you quickly and harshly, holding you close to him across your ribs. He slides in and out effortlessly, your slick starting to cover his whole hand. Max can’t help pressing his hardened cock against your side, using you for some of his own relief. You’re absolutely helpless against his all encompassing touch in the heat of the shower.

“Are you going to listen like a good girl? Will you do as I say baby?” Max pants along your neck then bites your shoulder demanding a response.

“Yes Sir! I..I will be good.”

Max groans in approval as he soothes his bite with his warm tongue, tasting the essence of your natural shampoo on your skin. Slowing his finger inside of you, he releases his grip from your side. Grasping your breast, he tweaks your nipple between his thumb and pointer finger, because he can’t help himself, and you moan so sweetly to his ears.

Max roughly grabs your jaw and twists your face to look him in the eyes. Your face is so wrecked; mouth open, breathing heavy, eyes hooded in pleasure and eyebrows drawn together. You’re so pliant in his hands and he fucking loves it.

“Eyes on me baby,” he waits until your gaze finds his, he continues to very slowly finger you tip to knuckle, “this tight little pussy will come only when I say she can. Understood?”

“Yes, un…understood,” you mumble as he holds your jaw.

Max can tell you’re having a hard time standing as he fucks you with his thick finger, so he turns you abruptly and presses your front up against the cool tile wall of the shower. You squeal in his ear as your tits push upwards and he shudders. With the way your back arches he can’t help but rut against you as he kicks your legs further apart with his foot.

With you so open he adds a second finger and resumes his quick pace. The moan you let out cuts right through the thick air and he feels you clench, on the precipice of your release. Max's other hand moves to hold the front of your neck and lightly squeezes. You’re panting into his lips, so close, almost over the edge…when he removes his fingers completely. You whine annoyed and your ass presses against him seeking what you lost.

“Aww poor baby,” Max mock pouts with one eyebrow arched to tame you and you whimper under his control, “don’t want this to be over too quickly, remember, you come when I say so.”

“Yes Sir,” you answer like a good girl and wait patiently, your hands bracing on the wall so as to not interfere because he didn’t tell you that you could.

“Good girl,” he smiles and nudges his nose with yours. He palms your ass as he leans down to capture your lips in his for a feverish kiss. When he bites your bottom lip and pulls with a groan both of his hands shoot down.

One hand cups your mound and lifts you up only to lower you back down on his other two thick fingers. You wail at the way he is handling your body and say his name as a mantra when he resumes fingering you to the edge again.

Max doesn’t hold back now wanting you to come all over his hand because he needs something else from you before you exit this shower. When he presses two fingers to your clit and drives his fingers deeper, faster he whispers to your lips.

“Come baby girl. Come for me, all over my hand. I know you want to. You deserve it, listening so well. Come. Now.”

You scream his name as you come and he captures your lips to quiet you in the loud atmosphere. He feels your walls clench around his fingers and he pumps them in and out until you shiver. Max removes his fingers from your cunt and you whimper at the loss. You came so hard, your body tired, you start to slump against the wall satisfied. Max spins you around to face him and holds you close to kiss you again. Your hands come around his neck, fingers in his hair, and the kiss is all tongues and teeth, desperate.

He pulls away breathless, “Such a good girl for me,” you hum at his words as he holds your face and runs his thumb over your cheek bone, “I need one more thing darling,” your lustful eyes find his and Max moves his thumb to drag across your bottom lip, “I want you to wrap these pretty lips around my cock. I’m going to fuck your face. I’ve been thinking about it since lunch. Get on your knees for me.”

“Anything for you Max,” you sigh and sink to your knees under the water spray of the shower in front of him. Max throbs at your willingness and places his hand on the back of your head as he fists himself with his other hand. He’s so hard, his blunt tip angry and ready. With a fist full of your wet hair he guides your mouth towards his long, thick length.

He watches you open your mouth wide and stick your tongue out to kitten lick his tip. Such a brat. The spray of water streams over the beautiful features of your face, the droplets on your eyelashes as you look up at him in your submissive pose beneath him make him weak. He has to take back control.

Max pulls your hair to hear you moan, opening your mouth wider, and guides his cock past your lips into your mouth. Your hands brace on his thick thighs and scratch down as he starts to fuck your mouth in earnest. Your mouth is so hot and wet around him. His eyes fixate on your lips and the spit dribbling from the corners of your mouth.

“This smart little mouth loves to be filled with me doesn’t it?” Max groans as his other hand moves to hold under your chin and you nod the best you can.

“Lips so pretty and swollen, nghh” he moves his thumb to smear your spit all over your chin and cheek. The sight causes him to thrust a little harder and when you gag around him he throws his head back with a moan.

He’s almost there, lost in the heat of your mouth, and when he feels your hands snake around to hold the backs of his thighs he brings his chin back to his chest to give you a hard glare. Your eyes are closed in pleasure as you hollow your cheeks around him.

“Ohh sweetheart,” Max sighs, “so fucking good for me.”

You look up at him with watery eyes and he thrusts into your mouth a half dozen more times before he is spilling down your throat. You swallow waves of his arousal with every deep thrust and his thighs tremble at his release. When Max pulls his softening length out between your lips after a few moments catching his breath, you suck him dry and then lick your lips. He can’t help that his eyes roll back at the sight of you sitting back on your feet, hands resting in your lap, with the shower soaking you.

Max lifts you easily and crashes his lips to yours. He tastes his salty release on your tongue as he licks into your mouth. Holding you close to him he breaks the kiss to lean his forehead against yours. Both of your breathing evens out as you just hold each other in this moment of delightful intimacy.

“What a day my darling. I love you so fucking much,” Max sighs, he’s lost his filter, and you giggle at him holding his face.

“I love you too Maxie.” You sound a little hoarse but content.

“I’m so lucky I’m yours…let me wash you before we use all the hot water and then we can get a good night's rest,” Max kisses your damp forehead and you melt into him.

He soaps up every inch of you, his warm hands rubbing your whole body along with your loofah. Max pays special attention to your core, carefully cleansing you as you hum at his gentleness and how sensitive you are. He suspects he may have been too rough and you confirm that when you tell him you will be sore tomorrow with a sly wink.

When you are both squeaky clean he turns the cooler water off and helps you step out of the shower. Max wraps your relaxed form in the waiting fluffy towel and helps you dry off. You look so sweet and sated.

He wraps his towel around his waist to dry off fully when he gets you settled in bed. After your teeth are brushed, he lays you in the bed, under the covers and tucks you in. Your hand brushes his tummy to usher him down for a kiss goodnight.

“Sweet dreams, mi amor.”

“Night Maxie.”

Your eyes close and you drift to sleep easily, exhausted from the day's events and work. He brushes your cheek and pushes your drying hair off of your face. Max pads out of the room in his towel to check on Alistair one last time before bed. He cracks the door and his boy is still sleeping soundly, a little smile on his face. The same little smile his mom has when he walks back to get in bed. Max slides into the cool covers and curls around you.

“What a day.”

+++++

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Taglist: @lowlights my beautiful beta reader, @shiftingsands14, @tuskens-mando, @littlemisspascal, @hotchlover, @balekanemohafe

[vlueyellow]

ADHD Bitty headcanons

Now, i might be projecting but I've always seen a lot of myself in Eric, which is why one of my favorite omgcp headcanons is ADHD!Bitty.

So, here they are

Please add to them if you have some as well!

Eric got diagnosed fairly early, but still late enough that his early school years sucked

And even when he did get diagnosed his teachers either didn't care or had no idea of how to help him

And trying meds only led to really bad side effects so he quickly stopped

Safe to say he struggled a bit (and the bullying didn't help that issue either, together with the whole internalized homophobia thing and good lord, someone get this boy to therapy-)

However, as he got older he kept researching and eventually figured out where he struggled and how he could help himself deal

This is also how he got into vlogging because he saw this one youtuber with ADHD who helped him a bunch but that's a different story

Now to his ADHD

Eric has the more discreet kind of ADHD which means he's constantly in fear of people think he's faking it and doing things for attention because he passes as neurotypical most of the time

This also results in a lot of masking, to the point of where he doesn't even know he's doing it or how to stop it.

(Shitty helps him a lot with this by studying with him in either of their rooms and letting him experiment with unmasking and what unmasking actually looks like for Eric.)

(its a fun journey and he discovers that he actually stims quite a lot)

Eric is also one of those nd people who actually thrive listening to loud music

It helps him focus and he can't study without it

It also allows him to take a break from stimming which helps with doing assignment because more often than not his stims involve his hands (and you can't really write an assignment when you keep snapping your fingers and rotating your wrists in all possible directions)

Speaking of assignments

Executive dysfunction

There it is

The Big Bad gateway to self hatred and bad work ethics

Finishing assignments actually became such a struggle after his freshmen year that Eric decided to try meds again

Luckily for him, this time the side effects were much milder and they actually worked quite well for him

(The first day he took Adderal Ransom and Holster walked in on him crying while cleaning his room. It wasn't sad crying. It was oh-my-god-I-finished-my-assignment-baked-three-pies-AND-I-am-now-cleaning-my-room-I-have-never-been-this-productive-in-my-life-someone-hug-me type of crying)

Of course, the meds don't solve his problems, but they do help his overall regulation of his emotions and, for the most part, helps him keep deadlines

Now, he's still a very emotional person but at least now he doesn't have a burnout once every week

And his Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is still thriving as always

(his first year was really tough because of this. Jack meant well but it was a lot for Eric)

His hyperfixations include baking (obviously), Beyonce (also obviously), figure skating (he still keeps up with his favorites) and, funnily enough, history (His thesis was picked very carefully)

As mentioned before, Eric enjoys loud music and he's fairly okay with sounds (he thrives in the locker room and on the ice, as well as in the Haus where its never quiet), but textures both in food and fabrics are a Big Deal to him

Velvet blankets? Get that cursed witchcraft away from him

Mushrooms? He can and will spit them out

Chalk? Absolutely the fuck not

However, he's weirdly okay with touching styrofoam? And doesn't hate the sound of it rubbing together?

He likes it a lot when Chowder comes around

Chowder, his sweet handsome son, has absolutely raging ADHD, to the point where taking his daily meds is absolutely essential

Eric doesn't really have that problem, he can skip a day or two and still be fairly functioning

Chowder however-

Lets just say that him moving into the Haus was a very good thing because of supervision and people reminding him to take his meds

They bond a lot over their shared struggles, and Eric helps Chowder navigate school and hockey at the same time

This is getting off track, I can talk about ADHD!Chowder all day long

anyway

Shitty was the first person Eric told

The next day Shitty got him a stim toy and a t-shirt that had a picture of Raven from that's so Raven and text at the bottom that said "that's so ADHD"

Eric still wears it to sleep

The rest of the team reacted exactly the way Shitty told him they would, totally accepting

A few days after he told them Shitty came into his room with Jack in tow and smiled so wide while Jack said he was autistic himself so if Eric needed it he could borrow Jack's weighted blanket

After that day their relationship started to look like a friendship

And later when they finally began dating Eric got really good at revising his recipes while lying on top of Jack when he was having sensory overload, and Jack got really good at letting Eric stim with his fingers when he forgot his fidget cube

Okay I'm gonna stop

But I might add to it later

Please add something yourself if you want to!

Thanks for reading!

[deeisace]

Okay, 1. I forgot what a good film School of Rock is, and 2. Who the fuck made Wednesdays a day I have to get up at 5am, oh god

Also the ASM is gonna be a dick about me taking today off cs I'm sick, I just fuckin know it

Every time someone's been off sick he goes on rants about how they're lying to get a day off (or smth like, oh, isn't it a coincidence that today's really busy in store and the student who has mental deadlines took a day off - like, fuck, idk, maybe, but you don't have to be a twat every second of your life, do you? Maybe he does, idk. Seems like it), and his mother never took a day off from the post office in 40 years and the store should come first and we've been left in the lurch and blah blah blah

Maybe we have been "left in the lurch", but it's one day out of literally a thousand, but y'know we aren't all your mother, and people are fucking entitled to call in sick?! People shouldn't have to work when they're sick! Idk laws, but there's definitely laws

For how much longer, idk, but there's definitely laws

Also, people are allowed to have an actual life, y'know - just cs you are somehow proud of working 50 hours a week - which you also shouldn't have to do, by the way, working yourself to death isn't something to be proud of - dun mean that everyone else has to go by your impossible fuckin "million pound store" standards

Also I hate his stupid slogans

I do not care how much money the store makes, it goes to whoever the fucking CEO is since the last guy got kicked out for embezzling, not me - I'm not going to "smash it", either, I'm going to stand here security bugging t-shirts until I am allowed to go home, and don't fucking get on at me about how I'm yawning too much, I get enough of that from the horrid fucking old men customers

Also he calls us "staff" all the time, there's like five of us (there's not, but still), there's no fucking need

Also whenever some customer says like, oh you're not Scouse, he always replies in the exact same way, "I'm a London boy, me" - which like, I'm autistic, I know a script, but fuck me I just hate everything about this petty little man, I'm sorry. How can you be that proud of being a Millwall supporter? Oh, "we're not all the same", nah, you mightn't be a violent thug, that I know of, but you're sure as fuck a sanctimonious little cunt tryna lord your horrid self over everyone else - mightn't be violence, but it's not fuckin nice either

Anyway. Fuck.

Oh thank fuck I don't have to open with him tomorrow

Just the wet-noodle muppet of a manager who's somehow really fucking good at making me do extra days and stay late

He knows I have no backbone in person so he just waits until it's an hour before my shift ends and goes "really sorry, it's really busy, can you stay til close? Please it would really help"

The one time I said no, literally the one time in over 4 years, he asked again like half an hour later with an extra-pathetic noodle-y pleeease we haven't got anyone else

Like that's your fucking fault, dipshit, you fucking hired everyone. Hire someone who's not a fucking student, please, I swear it won't kill you. Y'know what else won't fucking kill you, having enough people on staff that it's not the end of the fucking world somehow if someone calls in sick. Lean staffing or whatever it's called is the worst, what fuckwit came up with all this awful shit and how can we stop it, please

But of course I said yes, because I always say yes

Tomorrow I'm rota'd til 4 and I'm leaving at 4, I swear to god

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 295: So How Are You Holding Up (Because I’m a Potato)

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi randomly and graciously decided to answer all of our long-standing questions about Mr. Compress, including “is he secretly hot,” “is he secretly related to that Robin Hood thief guy,” and “is he ever going to use his quirk to chain chomp a hole right through his ass??” with the answer to all three being “yes, of course.” As for our follow-up questions, “sir, is Mr. Compress going to die,” and “holy shit,” his answers were, respectively, “wait and see,” and, “I understand, really I do, but that isn’t actually a question.” Well, he’s got us there.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi finally ends the War arc with the speed and grace of an overworked college student scrambling to BS their entire midterm essay with five minutes left before the deadline. Deku’s Spidey Sense is all “what up, I exist, p.s. you’re in danger kid” like oh shit, no, you think?? Compress is all “I’m not gonna die but I am going to pass out and be captured” and honestly, at this point I’ll take it. Spinner is all “Tomura you can have this one last Souvenir Hand I found that was in the oven for too long” and slaps it on his face because HE’S JUST TRYING TO BE HELPFUL, SHUT UP. Dabi is all, “[currently in a marble].”Tomura is all “actually, I’m AFO.” AFO is all “hahahahaha” and summons all of the remaining Noumus to cart him and Spinner and Dabi off to safety. Deku is all “DAMMIT TOMURA I’M REALLY MAD AT YOU FOR KILLING, AND I QUOTE, ‘AN UNBELIEVABLE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE’, BUT AT THE SAME TIME, GET THIS, I TOTALLY WANT TO SAVE YOU TOO! LMAO ISN’T THAT WILD.” Fandom is all “OH MY GOD, NO WAY, is what we would say if we had literally never met Deku before, I guess.” And then the arc just ends, lol. See you in the new year, kids.

WAKE UP, LINK... I MEAN, DEKU

jesus christ Vestiges, not a one of you guys has got any chill at ALL. LISTEN TO ME. THIS CHILD IS DEAD. HE IS DECEASED. LOOK AT HIM. HE’S LYING THERE ALL DAZED WITH HIS ARMS AND LEGS TURNED INTO GREEN PUDDING AND YOU’RE ALL “GET UP LAZYBONES” LIKE I SWEAR TO GOD. CAN HE JUST REST?? CAN YOU ALL JUST CALL IT A DRAW WITH THE VILLAINS ALREADY SO WE CAN FINALLY END THIS TRAUMATIC ARC AND MOVE ON TO THE NEW “TRIAGE AND ROBOT LIMBS FOR EVERYBODY” ARC INSTEAD

LIE BACK DOWN YOU IDIOT!!

no you didn’t pass out because of a ~heatwave~, you passed out because he set you on fire while you were out here shooting Blackwhip out of your mouth with your SPINDLY ACCORDION LIMBS dangling uselessly from you like WINDCHIMES you RIDICULOUS BOY

“where’s Todoroki-kun” oh shiiiiiiit. right. god I hope someone caught him. BAKUGOU OWES HIM A FAVOR, HOW ‘BOUT IT

OH NEVER MIND HE APPARENTLY CAUGHT HIMSELF??

Todoroki Shouto has really highkey been the MVP of the entire fourth quarter of this arc. he deserves the world, and odds are all Horikoshi’s going to give him are lasting trauma, and a souvenir shirt that says “I survived this stupid arc and all I got was this t-shirt”

anyway now Deku’s being hit by a Lightning Bolt of Realization or some such? idk what’s going on, but I bet you it’s related to Tomura waking up again

OH SHIT??

LOL WHAT. THAT’S IT?? SPIDEY-SENSE?? I mean we all predicted Spidey-Sense being one of his quirks like ages ago, so Well Done, Us, I guess

but also, seriously?? all of that drama and intrigue about the fourth user’s quirk and this is what we end up with? what was All Might being so cagey about then? how did this dude die? I need answers goddammit. new, better answers lol

maybe it’s something to do with the fact that Deku keeps talking about how his head hurts?

I mean, for Deku of all people to be all “ouch that hurts”, it must really fucking hurt, you know? like oh my god Deku are you dying

lmao and SPEAKING OF PEOPLE WHO APPARENTLY DON’T FEEL PAIN

this man is out here FROLICKING, half-naked and half-torsoed, AND STILL FEVERISHLY RATTLING OFF HIS MONOLGOUE. YOU HAVEN’T EVEN ESCAPED YET YOU DINGUS. did watching Dabi pour bleach over his head inspire you to think of interesting new ways you could abuse your own body for the sake of Theatrics?? why are villains Like This

anyway so now Mirio’s punching him, because what else are you even supposed to do in this situation

I read this speech bubble three times in a row very carefully this time around just to make sure I was reading the words right. and then looked for a T/L note below. and there was none. whatever RHA, at least you all are out here enjoying yourselves

wait what?

I guess he hasn’t woken up yet after all?? so then wtf is Deku’s Spidey Sense getting all worked up about. I mean to be fair there’s danger all around them still so having a Spidey Sense in this kind of situation is kind of like bringing a smoke alarm to a BBQ

now what

wait did he put them back in the marble?? or is that panel just meant to show us how they were in the marble earlier?? Horikoshi please make this less confusing, I’m already having trouble staying focused as it is. and on top of everything else Compress is cascading blood like Niagara Falls right now and I’m starting to wonder if you really are going to kill him off

anyway so Mirio is still in mid-punch, and now he’s reaching out to punch Spinner with his other hand. heh. Mirio please be careful Tomura is right there, and I swear to god Horikoshi IF HE LAYS A HAND ON HIS SWIRLY BLOND HEAD SO HELP ME I WILL MAIL YOU A VIAL OF MY TEARS

okay seriously what the hell is happening

when you attach?? everyone?? to your body?? whose body?? who is this??

oh wait okay it’s a flashback to Tomura talking about his Hands

lmao this is so disjointed, I can’t tell what’s a flashback and what isn’t and whose thoughts these are lmao I give up. I’m just going to fire up a bunch of question marks until this starts making some goddamn sense. ???????

??????

????????

-- !!!!!!!!!!!

okay hold up. so did Spinner just slap Tomura’s last remaining Signature Fashion Hand onto his face just now for absolutely no reason?? is that what’s going on?? and fuck me but it actually worked too, lmao. is your buddy unconscious and unresponsive to stimuli?? no problem, just slap ‘em in the face with a burnt and shriveled severed hand. works every time

p.s. I SWEAR TO GOD HORIKOSHI. IF YOU TOUCH MIRIO!!! HE’S A GOOD BOY LEAVE HIM ALONE

??????????

OKAY WELL. I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WTF IS HAPPENING, BUT AT LEAST MIRIO’S NOT DEAD. KACCHAN GOT BLOWN AWAY THOUGH SOB. HOW IRONIC THAT THE GOD OF EXPLOSION MURDERS WOULD BE MURDERED BY AN EXPLOSION WHILE I WAS BUSY SAYING “OH MY GOD”

ohhhhhh, okay. so this is AFO’s narration

and that’s a partial answer to the question of “why did AFO bother raising Tomura up as his heir if he was planning on taking over his body the whole time.” apparently it makes it easier to control him. joy :’)

also this image of a potato wearing a Tomura wig is sending me fjkllkhl

oh my god he summoned all the Noumu to him like Aquaman and his sea creatures. this whole situation just keeps on getting better

-- oh hell no. oh fuck me, fucking shit

SHIT SHIT SHIT. I’M SORRY SPINNER, TOMURA CAN’T COME TO THE PHONE RIGHT NOW

oh my god. I fucking hate everything right now oh my god

I GUESS WE FIGURED OUT WHAT DEKU’S SPIDEY SENSE WAS WARNING HIM ABOUT, THEN ಠ_ಠ

fucking great!! so I guess nobody is getting a happy ending today, then. the heroes got their asses handed to them (sorry Compress, it’s a figure of speech, didn’t mean to be disrespectful); Deku and Kacchan died; Shouto’s evil brother came back from the dead to ruin his life; everyone and their dog lost various limbs; and the villains have now lost Twice (dead), Compress and Machia (presumably going to be captured), and now their fearless leader’s body has been completely taken over by AFO, which is such an unsexy development that it managed to completely undo all of the Mr. Compress Sexiness from last week. goddamn it

DAMN IT HORIKOSHI ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO END IT LIKE THIS

up close Hadou’s face is looking pretty rough. :/ that’s going to scar over isn’t it. at least she’ll look like a badass

meanwhile I appreciate that Horikoshi drew what looks to be a little puff of air next to Kacchan’s mouth, just to reassure us all that he’s not actually dead. that’s fine. you just lie there then. also his wound really is in the exact same place as All Might’s and it’s giving me all kinds of feels you guys but whatever I’m not gonna sit here dwelling on it all day

AND POOR SHOUTO. IS HE STILL CRYING OMG. AND ENDEAVOR, WAY TO DO NOTHING STILL. THE ALL TIME CHAMP OF SITTING AROUND AND STARING, GOOD FOR YOU

ARE YOU FOR REAL, ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW

(－‸ლ)

lol

“peace out, loser.” “SHUT YOUR TRAP, HO.” quality encounter right here

anyway so he’s blasting Deku with something and Deku’s just flying back all unconscious-like. so then, what even was the point of all that, huh

oh I see, it was to lead us into one last Deku monologue to close this arc out

oh my god Deku if you say you’re going to save him I will turn around and do a cannonball into a ballpit of feels right now, don’t do this to me

OH SNAP I THINK HE’S GONNA THOUGH

DID HE LOOK LIKE HE NEEDED SAVING?? I MUST CONFESS YOU AND I ARE OF A MIND HERE, YOUNG BROCCOLI. YES IN SPITE OF ALL THE MURDERS. WHAT CAN I SAY IT’S COMPLICATED

by the way I just have to point out here, that after all of those impossibly pretty close-ups of Hawks’s unconscious face, Horikoshi really did my child dirty here lmao

he looks like a squished cockroach. THAT’S MY BABY BOY

and it looks like the cavalry is finally on its way too! took them long enough. so I guess they can take care of any of the remaining Noumu stragglers, but first let Deku finish his speech. listen up Deku I really need you to say something cool and iconic to cap off this thus-far admittedly underwhelming Last Chapter Of The Year, here

AHHHHHHH YES HE REALLY DID IT HE SAID THE THING

well he thought the thing, anyway. close enough. I’ll take it!

so this is really the end of the arc then! or at least I hope, good lord. anyways, all right then so let’s do a quick status check:

it looks like the Noumu are hauling Tomura and Spinner away to safety, but it doesn’t look like they managed to save Machia or Compress. this honestly might be in Compress’s best interests though. the heroes can get him some medical help along with Kacchan and Endeavor and everyone else

Dabi is apparently hidden inside Spinner’s scarf, but do they have any way of releasing him without Compress there to undo the quirk? will he be all right in there. like how is he going to get food and water and air and stuff lol. does it wear off after a bit? can Compress undo it when he wakes up, even if he’s in custody? is there a distance limit on it?

and Skeptic was presumably turned into a marble as well, but Compress didn’t bother mentioning him at all. nobody cares about poor Skeptic lol

and bonus AFO theories status check:

Dad for One - AFO called Deku worthless and hasn’t seemed to take the least bit of interest in him despite getting to see his fancy SIXQUIRKS up close and personal. so if he is his dad he sure as heck is a terrible one, that’s all I can say

All for One for All/Deku is a horcrux - well the Spidey Sense seems to offer an alternative explanation to why Deku could sense AFO’s presence, but on the other hand it doesn’t explain why AFO was able to sense Deku’s as well (seeing his dreams and such). still thinking there’s a connection there, guys, idk

AFO is the final villain - five words for you: “EVERYTHING IS FOR MY SAKE.” is that concrete enough yet lol. pretty sure this arc marked both the beginning and end of Tomura’s brief stint as the Big Bad. Deku’s got it in his mind to save him now somehow, and we all know what happens when Deku starts getting determined to save people. look out AFO

as for the heroes, they’re all varying degrees of Fucked and I think it’s honestly too much to even take stock of at this point. maybe if I get a rush of hyperfixation in the next couple days or so I’ll do a separate post analyzing the impact of this arc and where things currently stand and where they might be headed from here

but in the meantime, ngl, this chapter was kind of a hot mess lmao. but whatever, I don’t even care because at least he managed to get all of it done within the allotted 17 pages, meaning that next week (or rather two weeks from now, sob) we really can get moving onto the aforementioned Triage arc! BRING ON THAT ANGST. I am so fucking hyped goddammit

[luke-o-lophus]

Gonna rant here because i need to let this out somewhere and i do not have the option of a meltdown IRL now.

I hate to have to say this but I have grown distant from my mother. She was the parent who didnt abuse me. She did slap me a few times or smth but that's common in our culture. And she often...nitpicked things I did because she'd be angry/frustrated with something else (rightfully so) and take that out on me..mainly by shouting. She also...failed to pull herself and me out of my father's persistent abuse, and I had to talk, support and convince her to file for a divorce for years. I've had to physically get in the way to save her from father, as well as play his psychological games in her lieu because she was lost and disturbed. And she refuses to get any therapy, convinced and proud that she'd mentally strong enough. I have tried, begged, discussed in great depth and with a variety of emotions . Now I have officially given up and said she can reach out to me if she ever feels she needs help getting therapy, but I am done trying to convince her. Often when I talk to her she steers the conversations to triggering memories and I understand she wants to talk about them but I just cant. It gets too much. I cant remember much of me going to her for advice, it's somehow been more of the opposite? I was always telling her how to deal with father, and at a point i just took over and did the shit? Called the police, locked the doors, called the neighbors, took the beatings, and like, so much more.

And now I am SO bitter.

I know she deserves care, but I am so SO tired. Also I am so busy with work (working on a thesis) and I have a HUGE crapton of personal craploads I have to deal with. I have very recently started setting boundaries and suffice to say, not going well.

She can't understand why I am acting this way when I ask her not to surprise me and hug me from behind. I KNOW it's supposed to be a sweet surprise but my body goes into fucking panic overdrive. I am done listening to every mark, bulge and freckle in my body being pointed out. And I am so tired of hiding my queerness, not to mention my sensory issues. She just breached this tense convo, dropped it halfway, and now i am stuck typing furiously on tumblr when i have a deadline TODAY and another in 3 days. On separate projects. And I have to accompany her for shopping in an hr and I KNOW she's buying stuff for me but lord, I don't want it. I don't. I am so exhausted and my head is pounding and it's only 10 in the morning.