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crackedegotheories · 4 years ago

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Body Count

(Sorry in advance, I think I might have gone a little too long with this one and wandered around a bit. It’s less a cracked theory, and more of a “probably best not to think too hard about the implications” theory. Also, just to make things less confusing, I’m going to call the Mark character Actor Mark/Markiplier and the real Mark just Mark in this one.)

By the end of Who Killed Markiplier, there’s a lot of body-swapping going on as a result of people taking advantage of the house entity’s ability to play fast and loose with the concept of death.

First off, let’s go over who we know died in the course of WKM: Actor Mark, obviously, during a game of Russian Roulette in the cellar with the Colonel according to Mark in the livestream explaining everything; Abe the Detective, shot in the heart by the Colonel (he got better); the District Attorney/the viewer, shot by the Colonel and went over a railing; Celine the Seer (???); and Damien (???).

Those last two have the distinction of being the only victims to not be shot by the Colonel and to have their deaths be entirely off-screen. At least with Actor Mark there was a body, at least long enough to confirm he was dead (again). The only reason we know they apparently died is because the DA sees them in the upside-down post-fall, where Damien confirms the first body swap, and the events of DAMIEN make it pretty clear that our boy isn’t himself anymore.

The last time we saw the twins together, they were walking back toward the same room where Celine held her seance with the DA. The next time we see that room, there’s light spilling out just before Celine possessed by the house entity throws open the door. George the Groundskeeper manages to lock the door with the help of the DA and considers his job done, even though Celine (or whatever is piloting her body) is still inside there.

There’s no sign of Damien or what became of him, and by the time the DA dies, both twins are in the upside-down void with a broken and empty Actor Mark body, and both are very angry and very willing to talk a certain viewer into trusting them. (Plus a house entity, but we’ll get to that in a minute.)

So what happened? Damien tells us Actor Mark is walking around in his body, but it doesn’t seem like his death can be entirely blamed on Actor Mark yoinking his body. Considering the lengths Celine/Damien/the entity go to get the DA to let them in, it seems like there has to be both an available body lying around and some kind of consent on the other end.

It’s possible that Damien did give permission, especially if Actor Mark reached out to him during a second attempt at the seance. Thinking that he’s helping his friend, Damien lets him in only to be kicked into the void with Actor Mark’s old body, which is apparently so broken that neither twin believes it can be used to leave.

It’s also possible that Damien died in that room, and Actor Mark took advantage of his confusion to take his body, just as Celine/Damien/the entity would do with the DA. In DAMIEN, Damien is clearly unaware of the fact that he is dead, much less how he died, and Actor Mark says that Celine really did a number on him. Celine was keeping Damien safe, or at least trying to, and part of that involved keeping him unaware of the truth of his condition or how he got there.

Short of Actor Mark using his old body one last time to kill Damien himself, it doesn’t seem likely that he killed him. Even the entity doesn’t directly kill anyone, instead preying on their minds and twisting them to the point they’re willing to take desperate measures until it can possess a body of its own.

Like Celine’s.

DAMIEN shows us Celine and Damien as they are inside of the DA’s stolen body, how much of a toll staying in control all by herself is taking on Celine and leading up to Damien taking the reins while she gets some rest. The entire timeline of DAMIEN, in which Damien manages to cut down hundreds if not thousands of trees for every single day that passes, seems from what Mark has said to take place in the few seconds from when the DA wakes up on the floor to when we physically see the hand off between Celine and Damien.

Just that little bit of time takes that much of a toll on Celine? Maybe, if time doesn’t seem to flow the same way when you’re in that kind of existence, if trying to use and control the entity’s power is far too much for one person to handle on their own, if it’s enough to overwhelm and destroy its host so quickly that George believes locking Celine away is enough to deal with what’s taken her over (or at least give himself and the others time to leave the house and its influence before it can take a new host).

Maybe it’s enough that, if you don’t know what to expect, how to control it and not let it control you, you could wind up unintentionally hurting or even killing an innocent bystander, a brother who was just trying to help.

...Moving on, that leaves us with five victims and five dead bodies.

We’ve got Actor Mark, who ruined his body to the point it’s apparently unusable.

We’ve got Abe, revived thanks to the house where death doesn’t mean the same thing and still very much in his own body come the events of WMLW.

We’ve got Damien, whose body was hijacked by Actor Mark.

We’ve got the District Attorney, whose body was in turn stolen by Celine/Damien/the entity to make our favorite bad guy, Darkiplier.

And we’ve got Celine.

The fact that the twins need the viewer’s body would suggest that Celine’s body isn’t an option for them. That could be because it’s still locked up in that room, but why would that make a difference? The Colonel’s still running around, and let’s be honest, it wouldn’t take much to convince him to shoot a lock off of a door.

It could be because that possession, as brief as it was, left Celine’s body with so many issues that even one with a bullet hole and a broken neck seemed like a better alternative. Maybe the entity left her body in such a condition that trying again would leave it as broken and useless as Actor Mark’s old body.

Look at Darkiplier: even as a more stable version with two souls taking the burden together, we constantly see him “glitching” in ADWM, MarkiplierTV, and AHWM. Could you imagine the effect that would have on a person?

From the hand picture up above, we can see Dark has some control over his physical appearance, at least early on. Apparently he has enough control to maintain his new appearance in the long run, although it’s possible he could change it in the future. (Mark, please, Dark!Celine, just once, please.) Someone with less control could possibly change basic physical aspects from second to second, sometimes in ways that just wouldn’t make sense for a normal human body like, I don’t know, extra limbs out of nowhere.

We’ve also seen Dark “split” when he’s upset or worked up, or even just while sitting in on a meeting that’s not going so well. Some of this appears to be a side effect of having two people in control who don’t always see eye to eye, but in some of the frames when Dark is screaming, it suggests less anger and more pain. Being shoved into a body that isn’t your own, that even without its previous occupant may still be trying to reject you, can’t be a pleasant experience.

His existence just doesn’t seem to mesh with reality in other ways. In AHWM, Dark makes it clear that he’s aware of how things are looping, that he’s being forced to relive the same moments over and over again.

And he’s not the only one. Both Wilford and Abe are aware that things aren’t quite right with reality (although Abe is still coming to terms with it while Wilford’s just learned to go with the flow and have some fun with it). Neither one seems to be able to remember everything clearly, and we don’t see them try to change things, not on the scale that Dark seems to be able to do.

In both ADWM and AHWM, he twists the “game” Actor Mark is playing and tries to use it to his own advantage, for example by offering his own “choices” and planting hints in every possible ending in AHWM to expose how shallow this reality is.

But imagine someone touched by the same kind of power Dark has, that awareness of things repeating, of being able to relive the same moment again and again and again, but without that same level of control. Not able to rearrange the story or offer new choices, just to go through the same paths in hopes of finding a different ending.

Leaving anyone who took Celine’s body to be a basically faceless entity, questionably human and living with who knows how much pain, and completely aware that they can redo any choice over and over again, so long as they’re allowed to make the choice in the first place.

And who would be desperate enough to choose that kind of existence?

#markiplier #cracked theory #who killed markiplier #darkiplier #wkm celine #wkm damien #wkm mark #wkm district attorney #body swapping #death #implications #let's not think about actor mark #and #why he would want to be close to someone #who occasionally looks like his ex wife #or his old friend #and has the benefit of not wanting to kill him

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pernatius · 3 years ago

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Lost in Space Part 12: Ch 3

Summary: The fate of the universe will be decided in the final five chapters.

Lost in Space on Tumblr

Lost in Space on ao3

Back to back, Mikrovos and Saamuki fought alongside each other against the swarm of The Speaker’s desecrated people. His gauntlets punched through their mask after mask, shattering the faceless covering of unknown substance. Their pieces brushed against the metal and pelted his face before he finished them off with a furious shock wave of energy straight to the jaw. Saamuki kept Two busy as she controlled her flying sword with one hand and decimated row after row of those mindless cloaked figures with the other. I could hear and feel their explosive movements all the way here. So I could only imagine how incredibly loud and heated their zone of nothingness actually is. However, as they still remained to face away from each other, they managed to communicate incredibly well with each other. It is as if they are reading the other’s mind. A few Watchers from either of the two outsmarted the other, disrupting their once seamless attacks. Mikrovos ducked before getting half of his head blasted away. Saamuki’s sword wheeled away from their Lord, jutting the giant’s sword out of their grip in the process, and decapitated the Watcher that was about to kill her husband. While lowered, Mikrovos stabbed the incoming Watcher that was about to take advantage of Saamuki’s distracted state. Midway through that multi-souled being falling, Saamuki’s sword came spinning through them, decapitating before she sent them to dust and once more clashing with Two’s sword.

Five, who’s still back to the floor, clapped, causing the ground beneath their coming rock opponent to open. Again, someone falls from the sky, but unlike the last time, Sakhra’s fall is a loop of him plummeting into the first hole from the second. The no-neck Lord gets a kick out of this. Literally, after a struggle to get back up, they wobble to the repeated falling of Sakhra and kick. He is sent rolling across the floor and tumbling onto Two’s throne, which brings out the nagger of the chair’s owner.

That’s what brings his structure to crack. His chest is splitting and outcomes a bloody cough. He wipes off the green blood from his lips before Five grabs his throat.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve had to move this much, but it’s also been the most fun I’ve had in quite a while, so thank you.”

None of us can help. Three placed their ridiculously long hands behind their back. They watch Kaishi having to fight against the laser coming out of One’s reddish eye. The floor beneath her is rupturing, curving inward towards her or piercing towards the sky as One’s veiny weblike structure around their intending to slay eyeball expand and depress as they muster out their mocking. “Commander Kaishi, I’ve heard so much about you. But, after all these years, this is all you’re capable of? Pathetic.”

Out of the three, at least Syco isn’t on edge even though he is busy trying not to get his neck snapped from Six’s fists. Six’s gold swings along with the swing of their fist. Syco dodges and sends a fist the Lord’s way. The Lord catches it, and the two of them grab each other’s second hand. Both proceed to shake as neither wishes to release the other.

As for us three, the rest of the hundred or so other Watchers who aren’t out to kill the lover duo found interest in us, so I’ve barricaded us. All four of Bichak’s eyes, his hands and book, are glowing as all seven crystals spin around him, and the ends of his coat and entire body are drifting upwards. He is whispering what I assume is a spell from the first language. With each new word, they become meshed with the previous. The healer in our group and now brawn punches through the small openings I make. So, preoccupied just like the others. When Watchers begin to climb onto the dome I created around us, I add myself to the list of people that have barked at the defeated Sakhra’s ex-brother and the once late Shiitakee’s boss. “Explain to me why those damn crystals are so important.”

At that, the roof cracks with the strike of the group of Watchers climbing above. I repair it. “Besides the copious amount of years it took to convince the Nantos to grow these after the last time they were asked to farm?”

“Yes.”

Our brawn punches the group of Watchers thumping above.

“These were made to capture the Lords. Saamuki figured it would be impossible to kill the Lords. She said it was a very slim possibility after being corrected by Sakhra, who then said through the little possibility that the energy that would be released would be catastrophic. So, it was Commander Kaishi that proposed we should learn from the tyrannical Knox, which Mikrovos took offense to because it was how you—”

“How I died. Got it. So, how long until those things charge?”

“This isn’t as easy as it looks. I’ve studied for days on end. This is my first time actually doing anything remotely this powerful and will hopefully be the only time I need to. I’m under a lot of pressure right now, you know?”

“I get it, but we don’t have all the time in the world. Universe. How much time do you need?”

“Five minutes.”

“A long five minutes.” On one side, the brawn grabs the faces of two of the Watchers and smashes them together. On another, I send a beam of light through four of them, then another directly at One’s eye. One once again stumbles back. Their one-eye waters. They’re blinded as Three replaces One by taking on Kaishi. The clap from them pushes Kaishi back. She pierces two blades into the floor before getting swooped any further by the heavy breeze but is slapped into the ground.

Three lifts their hand, revealing Kaishi and her broken arm. I’m about to scream, distraught, but I notice her arm reforming first. Nanites. Of course. She stabs right through Three’s incoming hand with her healed one. The Lord plucks it out and looks down, and grunts at the satisfied commander.

Now encircling the floating Three is a golden ball of light. I try taking down Three, but my efforts are merely met with a bounce. Kaishi steps back before my ricocheting blast can hit her. Hundreds of arms even longer than Three’s cartoonishly long arms stretch out from their light. They twist, turn, hop, and glide over the other transparent arms. She’s able to dodge most. Those she can go right through the floor and those she can’t, she tries shooting and slicing through the all too close ones. These split into two, become more arms, and continue towards her until they pause before her when her back meets Syco’s.

I want to burst out of this dome and help them, but I can’t. Those floating crystals that are taking way too long to be usable are our only shot. I can’t keep letting my impulses take the better of me because not only do I know by now that it’ll somehow just make things worse, but it also means letting all their sacrifices go in vain. I choose to believe growing up means understanding there will be times you have to do things you don’t want to do, but that doesn’t mean I can just watch. It doesn’t stop me from flinging the bits of pieces of what was once my blade at Five. They cut right through the arm that’s clinging onto Sakhra. The hand falls with a hard thud, and plenty of blood spills all over Two’s seat. I ignore Two’s reaction and instead focus on the high-pitched cry, nearly the sound a pig makes when endangered, as they try to cauterize the wound.

In contrast, Sakhra tries holding in a cough, which is challenging considering their chest is crushed even if it is repairing, but there’s something different about his healing process. I see numbers, code, squirm towards each other. They bunch up as he tries landing a hit on the pig-like Lord.

One hand creates steam as it heats up the bloody wound, so the Lord is technically handless, yet they’re still landing hit after hit on their not-so-privileged opponent as their kicks smack across Sakhra’s arms. He’s having a tough time defending himself against the surprisingly now light on his feet Five.

With stretched gauntlets, she’s able to keep pace with the barrage of fists and the return of One, who has returned to trying to blast with their one eye. The cyclops’ target is also Syco, who can dodge, but is now having a tough time being Six’s equal as he gets punched in the face multiple times. Things are growing dim, which isn’t entirely figurative as the green giant and I are growing tiresome, pushing off the Watchers, causing us to lose light the slower we become. At least before I’m unable to see what’s happening outside of the dome, Mikrovos and Saamuki remain to have the upper hand. Saamuki even lands a cut across Two when her sword slides across their sword after a cling. The last thing I see before the rest of the Watchers buried us is Two inspecting their wound and being shocked at their blood having been spilled.

I’m crouching because of the weight of keeping this dome from collapsing from the immense amount of added weight. Some parts are cracking again. I reknit them, but once I do, three more pop up. The sounds of their thrashing don’t help my frustration. “Please tell me those things are done charging.”

Both the green one and I try to catch our breaths as we turn around and look at the sweating figure behind us. Bichak’s words are slurred. “Almost. One minute.”

A chunk of the dome above falls between us. It shatters once it hits the ground. A charging hand slides through the hole. I summon a shield before the Watcher can shoot. It smacks their hand out and them away from the dome. We don’t have a second before another replaces them, and we don’t have a minute because the dome’s cracks have become too much for me to fix. “I don’t think we have a minute.”

“Fifty seconds now.” More pieces of the dome are sent falling. The now not so silent one grunts as he shields us from the falling parts. On the other hand, I shoot at the wiggling hands, pushing off the Watchers as well in a seemingly pointless attempt at buying us some time. “Forty-five seconds.”

A pesky Watcher manages to squeeze themselves through one of the widening holes. Another is trying to force itself through as the two of us stand, protecting the four-eyed annoyance and his crystals. My partner punches the Watcher straight through their gut. He then sends another punch their way, but it catches it. With those two entangled, I teleport right beside it. The beam goes right through them and a couple more lying on the other side of the wall. We work through several until the long-awaited words are spoken.

“Done,” Bichak finally announced. He raised a hand into the air, causing the crystals to spin faster as his other hand rose above the sparking book. “I just need room.” I push the remaining dome away from us along with the Watchers around us. I then burst out some more of my energy, killing most of the Watchers around us and the duo some feet beside us. Those left stare.

All seven of the Lords fell on their knees. Streams of rich yellow light are being pulled out of them towards the crystals. Besides Four and Seven, they questioned their weakened states as they’re easily overpowered by Sakhra, Kaishi, Syco, Mikrovos, and Saamuki. Speaking of Seven, with trembling hands, they’re slowly slipping off the chain wrapped around them. Killing all those Watchers took a lot out of me, sure, but not enough to leave me weak, helpless. I’m charging up as I look at Seven who’s eyes smile upon noticing me. My hair is floating around me as I burn with not-so heavenly light.

“There,” One realized and pointed at the levitating man behind me. “Get him.” When the Watchers turned to the Lord then looked back at me, they stepped back. One’s eye glowed. In unison, yellow light escaped from the crevice between their faces and masks. Along with that, their awe seems to die as they dart towards us.

“Shit,” the vegetation finally spoke.

“Yeah.” Back to back, the two of us are preparing for the long fight ahead as the others are busy with the Lords. I’m about to shoot, and he’s about to punch when suddenly Seven gets up from their throne and removes their chain. All of us follow the swinging of their chain as it coils around One’s neck. Before One can react, electrifying energy bolts across the metal, electrocuting the Lord, incapacitating them as they fall face first. As soon as they do, Seven yanks the groaning Lord towards them.

“Seven? What are you—” But it’s too late because Seven sucks up the rest of One, leaving not only the rest of us to stand in utter shock but for Four to slam their book close with a sneer as well.

#236 #lost in space #my writing #writers on tumblr #writeblr

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benisasoftboi · 4 years ago

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Unorganised thoughts on Trails in the Sky: First Chapter:

Going to keep this as spoiler free as possible because I want you to play this game if you haven’t

I’m well aware that I’m very late to the party here, but... Trails in the Sky is very good, everyone

It had been on my Steam list for like six years. My friend reminded me about the summer sales, and a combination of the price having dropped and good reviews convinced me to finally pick it up. And I am so glad I did

Calling it ‘FC’ from here on out because the title is long, and I can’t exactly uses the acronym that Trails in the Sky shortens to, can I?

So I love JRPGs. I almost exclusively play JRPGs. And FC, to me, is kind of the JRPG. It does basically everything that is expected of the genre, but it doesn’t feel generic because it does all of those things very, very well

Gameplay! The gameplay is fun, a good mix of allowing for strategy and tactics without being massively difficult. I really appreciate that - I don’t play JRPGs because I’m good at video games, but I also don’t like just mindless hitting things all that much

There are one or two slight annoyances with the combat system (if you’re fighting a lot of enemies you’ll be waiting forever for them all to take their turns, some of the animations are a little slow, when you’re in the field enemies touching anyone in your party can start a battle, which means you have to be extra careful where you step when you have a full party), but none of them are game ruining

And there are no random encounters! Yay! I hate random encounters!

Story! FC’s story isn’t the most unique JRPG story out there, but there’s lots of little touches I greatly appreciated

For one, (trying to work out how to say this without spoilers) - I really liked the main antagonist’s motivations. So very often it’s ‘destroy the world’ or ‘become God King of the universe’ or something. This person had a very understandable and honestly kind of reasonable motivation - like, you could really see how someone would think it was a good idea, the problem wasn’t that they were evil, it was that they either hadn’t considered or didn’t care about the negative consequences it could have on the average citizen.

Also, the conflicts don’t just stem from like, tangible nefarious forces - you also see how it results from things like untreated PTSD, or industrialisation, or societal sexism. Which is more compelling than ‘everything bad in the world is the result of the evil dragon god, kill it’

There’s also really good foreshadowing. During a certain scene at the end of the game, I actually gasped when I realised the connection it had with a certain character’s second S-Break. I will say no more, but people who’ve played this know what I’m talking about

Characters! FC has great characters

Estelle: I like Estelle. Firstly, it’s pretty rare for a JRPG to have a female protagonist (hell, it’s relatively rare to even be given the option to play as a girl!), so that was very cool. She has good character growth over the course of the game, and I really enjoy that - she starts out very hyper and optimistic, and she never loses that, but gets better about recognising the right times and places for it. It’s a pretty risky move to give the protagonist of a long game a personality (you have to spend a lot of time with them. Silent player avatars are easier and don’t run the risk of the player not liking them), but with Estelle, it pays off

Joshua: Joshua is very well designed. He’s the game’s real mystery - the whole time, we want to keep playing so we can find out what’s up with him. Appearance-wise he’s unique among the rest of the cast without coming across as ‘my first OC’, he has a great rapport with Estelle and I like him in his own right - I want good things for Joshua.

Joshua and Estelle are just a great duo in general. I found the romance subplot... weird, at first, but I came around. I want these kids to be happy, damn it!

Schera: Not my favourite, but good at what she needs to be. My least favourite to use in combat. I like her mentor relationship with Estelle and Joshua, and I also like her design

Olivier: MY BOY. I love him. He’s so great, I love ‘weirdo’ characters and he’s great example of one. I love his design, I love using him in combat, I love his interactions with other characters - Olivier is just the best and I want to be friends with him irl.

(It’s also pretty neat that he’s undeniably canonically biseuxal - that’s a rarity!)

Kloe: She’s fine. Not a huge fan (probably didn’t help her that she joins the party after MY BOY leaves), but I definitely don’t dislike her. She just feels a little generic, is all, and I predicted the ‘twist’ with her a mile off. I love using her in combat, though, and I really like her design

Tita: Tita is cute, and she’s a little girl with a big gun, which is always great, if silly. How old is she meant to be, though???

Agate: I 100% thought that I wasn’t going to like Agate. He comes in with that Arrogant Asshole Shounen Protagonist vibe and I hate that. But then you get to know him, and you realise that his earlier attitude was actually pretty understandable, and by the end he was actually one of my favourites

Zin: Eh. Like Kloe, I don’t hate him, but there’s just kind of nothing that draws me in with Zin. I think he joins too late, and doesn’t have enough time to really build up an interesting rapport with anyone. I liked his interactions with Olivier, though, and he’s pretty great to use - I have a massive bias for defensive characters

Maybe I’ll feel differently about some or all of them when I’ve played the second game - we shall see...

There’s also a tonne of major NPCs, pretty much all of whom I liked (except maybe Dorothy - I don’t hate her, but she kind of got old after a while. I appreciate that Estelle found her equally annoying)

But the other thing that’s really worth mentioning is the minor, faceless NPCs. Because they all have names and little stories and lives - like, when you’re in the city of Ruan, there’s a maintenance worker named Clive who’s offered a prestigious factory job. He turns it down to look after his brother Todd, which upsets Todd because he doesn’t want to hold Clive back. Then when you move on to the city of Zeiss, you can visit the factory and learn that they’re now struggling to find someone else. Eventually they hire a woman names Louise, who ends up being an excellent choice - but if you visit her home, you find out she has a strained relationship with her own sibling

And none of this matters to the plot at all! You can miss this entirely, but the fact that it (and hundreds of little stories like it) are there makes the world feel so alive. It’s full of people living their own lives that don’t revolve around what your team is doing. It feels real.

We’re told that Estelle and Joshua have to travel the world by foot so that they really understand what it is they’re tasked with protecting. It took me way too long to realise that it’s also so that the player understands, too

So many JRPGs ask you to save the world. FC is special because it actually feels like there’s a world to save

Now I’m going to go play the second game and hope they keep that up!

#trails in the sky #trails series #trails in the sky: first chapter #trails in the sky fc

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kynthosmojo · 5 years ago

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Venting

HERE BE SPOILERS!! SPN S15 E2 - Raising Hell

(gif by @sasquatchandleatherjacket, thank God for you. If you want me to remove this I will, but I honestly felt the way Sam looks right now)

Ep 2 -

Additional chess pieces: Rowena, Ketch, Kevin, Chuck, Amara

New enemies: Jack the Ripper, New faceless female demon?!

Mysteriously missing out on the fun: Woman in White, Bloody Mary, Gacy Clown

Short Version: Leader Sam is not acting normal; Jack the Ripper was annoyingly cool; Civilians are infinitely stupid. Someone tells you it is dangerous to go somewhere and you go? You could ask the people keeping you safe to go get the shit you need for emergencies, but no. Useless Angel is again useless and getting more useless, also arguing with the heroes with no solution for his damn self.

---

So yeah, the first thing we get is a surprisingly creepy start, middle of the night, human disregarding the rules, get killed by what looks like a person she knows. Oh but wait, he was possessed. Very interesting ghost, psychotic, scary actually.

Angel being useless arguing with Sam instead of making himself useful. He is stronger than the humans, so shouldn't he be on patrol?? Even shouldn't he go looking for the missing ppl?

Oh Sam, How I wish you would have just snapped a little bit harder. Why not "When we say do not go in, you do not go in! Now someone's missing, isn't that a clue? Thank you for making our jobs that much harder! Now, if you need emergency items, we have ppl to help with that who know what they are doing. Stop trying to end up dead, and do as I say!"

Oh, the new HGIC is Jack The Ripper? Oh shit.

Oh great, stupid people not listening, yet again!

Oh so JTR has trouble getting attention too. Anyway, this mofo seems to be no joke.

Civilians stand there and breathe after you heard gunshots and growling, and see dead ppl, no don't run. Yah great.

Cass, argumentative as usual. What exactly do you expect Sam and his hunters to do since they are already busy? YOU go look for stupid humans who don't listen, just like yourself.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is time to play: Bobbing for guest stars! Rowena sweeps in and flirts with Cass. Ugh, why?

OK, SO 12:30 SECONDS INTO THE WHOLE 45 MIN SHOW AND WE FINALLY SEE SAM AND DEAN ON THE SAME SCREEN! Yah great.

Shoot them, my guys, I am pretty sure it will hurt less than what I am afraid will happen! YEP I. WAS. RIGHT!!!!!

And the brothers' scene together is over at 13:36 for commercial but resumes at 16:30 and goes through 19:00… so far. Total of about 5mins, 30secs. Anxiously waiting for more…

Guest Star # 2! Ketch is in the line-up!

OH! And a gun that shoots Iron Flakes. (in Bobby's voice)Used to be when you needed to get a ghost outta ya, you'd take a hit of rock salt. It would hurt like a bitch, but you'd live. And these two maybe wouldn't have gotten their guts ripped up waiting on Ketch's appearance with his new convenient toy!!!

Meanwhile, what a convenient way to bring up a new demon. Female named Ardat. GREAT…

Chuck and Sissy sitting in a tree, A-R-G-U-I-N-G. Why do they sound like an old married couple already? Oh yeah, because apparently, it is better to be hetero and incestuous than… NVM won't go there.

ANYWAY… 6th grader 'does so and so like me' bullshit from Rowena, I can only guess that is coming up on Ketch's side. Poor Dean. Then USELESS wants to try to start a convo Dean definitely doesn't wanna hear. And why is he trying to preach that all of this is supposed to happen like this anyway! That's life let's just move on?! Are you fucking serious?! Oh and that supposed inspirational, but actually desperate grab "We are" was so damn stupid. Like I keep saying, USELESS.

Oh and their screen time in case no one cares: 20:50 through 23:15. Total less than 2mins, 25 secs. And it was a painfully dry conversation I could well have done without.

Was so very right about the 6th grader bullshit! Oh great, instead of Salt hula hoops and gun bungees, we get loose ass chain links of iron around the neck that can fall off at any time! Tell me Mr. BMOL, how come you don’t have a convenient better-thing-than-an-iron-chain-link-necklace!!!!

Hello, 'nother guest star. It's Kevin Tran, everyone! Thanks for conveniently saving the moment again. And after the demon kid tells you multiple times that the wards are temporary, KEVIN tells you once that it is weakening and yay! It hits home. Don't get mad at the demon for not listening.

Chuck and Sissy sitting in a tree, A-R-G-U-I-N-G. Again. Little retreat? Priceless relationship? He wants to deepen what they have? Start a new species?! GURRL JUST SAY NO! Ohh but she figured him out, so now the trouble starts. He's low on power, he needs her help, he's scared.

Brother time! 34:10 through… hold on while I catch this, why is it always Sam to give away a secret? And why is Belphegor being a snoopy little sneak? Oh and suddenly he makes more sense than experience?! They cannot get Kevin to heaven cuz Chuck isn't their friend anymore? I am sure spells still work... 35:30…

OOH! Break for shoulder issue… and back to bros at 35:38-ish and back and forth for a few secs again because Chuck is freaking out. It is like the deity has never felt pain before. But that would mean he forgot when Amara punched him in his figurative balls last time huh? You 'member, when he almost DIED?

So Dean is worried again, but Sam refuses to even acknowledge it (kinda badass, kinda stubbornly stupid). OK, Bros done at about 35:58. Another generous minute and some. Geez.

Whoops, Kevin forgot that he could leave the way he came in. That was a mistake.

Oh, macgruder here we go with the only female on the team must help the men repopulate the earth or at the very least be raring to go because what? She's a newly free feminist with all the power over her cooch so the first thing she does is wanna give it up? Ketchwena? AWKWARD. Yah great.

Rowena had to take the long way thru the badlands to get the new weapon, also temporary, to the boys. It isn't tested, so instead of testing it out on the fucking ghost who would definitely deserve it who caught up to you before your destination, let's allow Ketch to play jealous new suitor and knight in shining armor! Oh and then he gets put in a vulnerable position! Yah great.

Segway back to… Why is it that because Rowena is the only female POA (piece of ass) on the team, she has to flirt with Cass, then Ketch, AND she has a history with Jack the Ripper? And yet, she treats Sam like he's a naughty kid she's babysitting, but ppl want to ship them two like the fucking Titanic!

Oh right back to Winchesters. Actually, the whole team is here now. Yah great.

ANYWAY… How TF and when did JTR get in Ketch between his stand-off with the Winchesters, trying to consume Kevin and the new untested weapon finally being TESTED! Only to find out it ain't as badass as the first one!!!!! Convenient. Yah great.

Don't think I forgot… The fucking force field spell thing is a one-off?! BOO newbie! So now it has a weak spot and everyone conveniently knows where it is.

So, did anyone else see the Ketch thing coming? Why TF did he need to have Rowena's back from so close? Yeah, I saw that flinch JTR! Why oh why did Dean shoot his load into the hundreds of ghosts when he had limited ammo and was apparently the ONLY one allowed to sneak in ammo?! Again, USELESS is in the background, useless. He can see a demon's true face, but can't tell when someone is possessed by a ghost?

So what if Dean wouldn't hesitate to shoot Ketch, couldn't one person, or useless fucking Angel bring the Iron Frosted Flake Gun? Oh but the Angel can heal, right? No?! Seriously WTF!!!! DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES FOR HIM ANYMORE SAM!

LITERALLY ALL OF THIS SHIT COULD HAVE BEEN PREVENTED!!!! I agree with conflict for building, enhancing, and developing the plot, but fucking really?!

EWWW Ketchwena again?! OK, but also, Ketch flirted with Dean more than the useless Angel supposedly did.

And WTF is this?! NOW we are gonna listen to a demon when he says Kevin cannot be returned to heaven? Before, no one could be bothered to trust Belphegor's uncanny wisdom. ARE THEY FUCKING FORGETTING THAT THE SAME SPELL THAT SENT BOBBY UP FROM HELL SHOULD WORK ON KEVIN? AND ISN’T IT MORE WORTH IT TO TRY THAN NOT?!!!!!!

Oh, but then let's let Kevin out a little hole in the electric fence and have it take long enough that no other ghosts happen to sneak thru. Oh, they are that scared of Belphegor? Really? So he should have been the one on patrol AT ALL TIMES!!!!

Chuck and Sissy sitting in a tree, A-R-G-U-I-N-G. Yet again! Geez, dude get a clue!

BECAUSE LOOK NOW! THERE ARE TONS OF GHOSTS STILL COMING FROM 'SOMEWHERE'! SHOULDN'T WE BE TRYING TO GET TO THAT SPOT AND SHUT THAT SPOT DOWN? MAYBE? AS A START?

WHAT THE FUCK DO I KNOW? I'VE ONLY BEEN WATCHING A SHOW THAT SHUTS DOWN HELLMOUTHS AS A HOBBY FOR FIFTEEN FUCKING YEARS!

#spoilers #spn #supernatural #venting #season 15 #episode 2

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gottawriteanegoortwo · 5 years ago

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What are People to a God?

Okay okay. I know what the blog description says, but it’s my blog and I can go beyond the fandom I said I was writing snippets for.

I’ve had people talking to me about Borderlands over the last few days, and since I have only seen parts of a playthrough of the first and third (my laptop isn’t able to run them), I started researching the third game again lately… And found a garbage child. I got curious and thought I’d test myself to write someone pretty different - Troy Calypso. It was tricky to actually figure out his personality solely from canon, since the focus is more on Tyreen… But I gave it a shot. Be gentle?

Warnings for descriptions of murder under the read more. And Troy being garbage. :D

Word Count: 1,321

A God. That’s what he was.

He and Tyreen were going to seize control of this pathetic planet and all the stars around it like no one had ever seen before. Handsome Jack? Who’s that? A nobody compared to the Calypso Twins! They were leaders of a cult - The Children of the Vault - and would travel the galaxy to open the vaults and claim their birthright. Thousands (if not millions) of devout followers who would be willing to cut themselves to pieces if asked. Useless NPCs, the lot of them! They only served a purpose in this grand story: to help the Gods rise to power!

Of course, Tyreen was the one they would always flock to. After all, she was the face of the cult. Her white hair made her a literal beacon amongst the scrap metal and wastelands. Her larger than life personality and cockiness could probably fill the Great Vault itself. Her Siren abilities that brought fear and admiration to all that met her. But she would be nothing without Troy. A parasite, yes, but an intelligent one. He understood how the system worked with the primitive bandits. He learned their games and how to use it to their favour. Now look at them! Streaming to all corners of the world through the ECHOnet, with all the bandits of Pandora at their beck and call!

Money was no issue these days either. They could get all the luxuries they ever wanted. All the comfort, the cutting edge technology, the weapons! It was a far cry from the pathetic upbringing of [REDACTED], where everything was cold, isolated, and worn out. Who cared about that worthless loser anyway? The answer - no one! It only made it so much easier to sacrifice that youth to become Troy Calypso, the God King. No God could rise to power without such a ritual, after all. There was no place in this world to be soft. Tyreen didn’t need a hesitant fool by her side. He was just as worthy as her, parasite or not. He’d die without her, but he needed to make sure all were oblivious to that.

Even if he was always in Tyreen’s shadow, she wouldn’t be who she was without him. But when there was a day she couldn’t host the livestream because of consuming the life essence of someone sickly? Oh, everyone remembered Troy and why they should be scared of him. He was more than just the tall brother with the elongated metal arm. No… He was a threat, just as much as Tyreen.

It had been a fun livestream, just Troy and the audience joking around in one of the main arenas, until one of the so-called ‘heretics’ crashed the party. It wasn’t one of the ‘superfans’, just an amateur vault hunter with an ambition to raid and be someone important. Unfortunately, they were no match for the eridian-tier fans, and they were thrown into the pit where Troy was waiting. The ever-faithful droid camera hovered nearby, eager to snap up every good shot it possibly could.

“Well, well, well… Look what trash landed on our doorstep while we’re live.” His height was something used to his advantage in times like these. Troy could raise his head back and pace around the human with a cocky air. “Such a shame my dear sister isn’t here. I’m sure she’d get a kick out of you. Then again… You aren’t really worth much, huh? You’re nothing more than a faceless nobody looking for fifteen minutes of fame. But here you are! You’ve got your fame, and you’ve got the whole world watching! You’re live on the ECHOnet, baby! Why don’t we give our special guest a warm welcome?” He stretched out both arms, giving the bandits present a time to clap and jeer at the rookie hunter at his feet.

“As you all know, voting’s still underway for the person you want killed next. But what’s the harm in giving all you loyal viewers a little refresher of how we do things around here. You want that, huh? Lemme hear it!” The crowd roared, eager to indulge in a moment of bloodlust. The hunter tried to take the chance to move, but only received a swift kick in the stomach for their actions.

“Ah, ah, ah… Not yet. We haven’t even started our little show. I was even going to let you fight for your life… But nah.” Troy knelt down so he could roughly grab the hunter’s hair with his right hand. When he spoke again, it was in a low voice so only the other could hear. The audience were distracted by the drone, who had taken the time to amp up the excitement by shooting up to record the audience. “I’ll be a merciful God, just this once, and make this as quick as possible. I could draw this out for hours. Start a donation train where for every hundred dollars, you get another life-threatening injury. It’s a shame, you know. You don’t look much older than Tyreen and I when we started streaming. You could’ve had a good life with us, kid.” A light flashing on his arm caught his attention and a wicked grin spread across his lips. It almost looked like his mouth would crack open to reveal something monstrous, but he rose to his feet before anything of the sort happened.

“It seems you’re all eager today. The donations are already starting to pour in, along with comments like ‘hurry up!’ and ‘we want blood!’. Well… Who am I to refuse?” As the camera droid positioned itself, Troy decided what was best to do. What would get the best reaction when the stream ended? An idea hit him as he reached forward again. This time, the prosthetic arm firmly gripped the top of the nobody’s head and lifted them until they were at eye level. “Let’s show them all what the Children of the Vault can do!” With a mental count to ‘three’, he squeezed. The hunter tried to pry the fingers away in agony, but to no avail. After all, what good could mere hands do against metal? While Troy would normally rely on guns or even his favourite sword, he knew there was nothing better than simply squeezing the life out of someone if he was unarmed. A skull was a tough thing, but it would start to crack under the pressure of his grip. His expression grew more manicial as he dug his fingers in harder. Then… The satisfying sound of bone snapping rang through the arena. Funny, he hadn’t even noticed how deathly quiet the audience had become until they let out an almighty roar for the God King. The body was dumped carelessly to the ground as he beckoned for the camera droid.

“I think this is as good a time to wrap up the stream today, folks! A good reminder to all you Vault Hunters out there about what will happen if you ever cross our path. Your God Queen Tyreen will be back in full swing tomorrow, so be sure to tune in and give her all that sweet adoration. And remember: don’t forget to like, follow, and obey. Later!”

He left the thrill of the arena as he returned to his personal quarters. His own space was quiet, and it provided the perfect chance to wash the blood off his hand while it was wet. Blood might look cool, but it could damage the protective coating if allowed to harden over time, and he didn’t want to have to deal with the mess of fixing that with one arm.

As per usual after a stream like that, music was turned on to a near-deafening volume. Anything to drown out that little voice that questioned if what he was doing was right, and if he was worth more than being a psychotic, parasitic murderer.

#troy calypso #borderlands 3 #children of the vault #(what tags do I use I dunno)#(listen I wasn't gonna post this but then I was told to #but I don't have the full knowledge of the lore or any actual playing experience and it likely shows #whiiich was partially why I wasn't gonna upload it xD)#(but Troy is a fun guy for sure. The fandom seem to have this idea that more could be done and honestly... I agree)#tw murder #tw death #(and now I sleep)#special feature (other fandoms)

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fulldreamsahead · 5 years ago

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Innumerous Family

Last night I had a dream that was the perfect mix of Ready or Not and The Belko Experiment that I’m pretty sure needs to be a real movie that I should totally write a script for. The story begins centered around Charlie Day who is a member of a family that holds a reunion every 5 years.The thing about this reunion is there is always a ritualistic blood sacrifice done to keep the family prosperous...

Since he just married into the family, it’s Charlie Day’s first reunion. You watch as the extended family arrive, and I mean extended, as it branches out to fourth and even fifth cousins. The family demands that any living relative and their spouse/children must attend. They are all arriving at this picturesque mansion estate with a few houses on the grounds, a huge Olympic-sized swimming pool, and a fully automated security system with cameras throughout the house. You watch them queue up their cars that range from top of the line to affordable sedans. There are a range of ethnicities, from a rich mogul hispanic businessman that is ignoring his very unruly children, to a black mom who’s son asks her if she can drive faster since their family owns all the property anyway. Charlie Day and his wife (the member of the family) arrive with two extra people in tow: Bryce Hodgson and his faceless wife. Bryce Hodgson is a magazine writer who is doing an expose on the enormous family reunion after asking Charlie Day to get permission. Bryce Hodgson and Charlie Day grew up together and have known each other since children so Charlie Day took the question up the chain of command to the family grandfather who told him he would be delighted to have a non-family guest.

What Charlie Day doesn’t know, is that he made this year’s sacrifice choice an easy decision for the grandfather. The movie continues to pan through the dozens of ages and personalities of all the family members so you can get a soft baseline for the myriad of archetypes. After everyone arrives and settles in, there are kids playing in the enormous back yard, women schmoozing in the kitchen, and assorted family members catching up in long winding corridors.

The grandfather takes a stand at the top of a set of stairs and calls out that the meeting of the family heads must commence. Charlie Day asks his wife what that means and she basically tells him that certain family members help run the family businesses (which branches from technology to patents) and they always have a small meeting at the reunion since it’s one of the few times they are all in one place. Bryce Hodgson asks if he can get in on the meeting and he is resoundingly rebuffed by Charlie Day’s wife. As Bryce Hodgson seems to pout in confusion, Charlie Day’s brother-in-law appears and asks if Bryce Hodgson would instead like to go down and see the basement, as it is full of antiquities and a wine cellar. Bryce Hodgson is delighted and follows the man, shooting a quick “I didn’t know this place had a basement?” to Charlie Day as he leaves. Charlie Day seems just as surprised. His wife casually tells him there is no basement, causing Charlie Day to break away from her and try to catch up to Bryce Hodgson and the brother.

It’s difficult with all the family members so he lags behind, only to catch the tail end of the brother returning up a flight of stairs that is seemingly hidden behind a bookcase. The brother consults with the business mogul from the beginning and the mogul asks if the sacrifice is ready. The brother laughs and says the stooge is none the wiser and probably hasn’t even noticed he left. The two laugh and leave with Charlie Day continuing to tail them from a horrified distance. He arrives at the door of the meeting room just as the grandfather shuts it from within. This hallway is barren from the rest of the activities, allowing Charlie Day to sneak up to the door and listen in.

After getting a few pleasantries out of the way the grandfather jumps right into the sacrifice and how to dispose of them quickly while also diverting Charlie Day’s attention. Charlie Day loses it and throws open the double doors to ask them what the hell they are doing. Everyone reacts to him with a haughty calm and the brother sneaks up and ushers Charlie Day in while also closing the door behind him. The grandfather tells him not to worry that no one will miss Bryce Hodgson anyway and to think of the grander scale of all the family members the family needs to support with good wealth. Charlie Day is getting nauseous and stumbles back to lean against the closed doors. He weakly tells him that he won’t stand for it and the whole room erupts into laughter, startling him. Charlie Day shouts at them and the grandfather shrugs and tells him that he has no chance against the sheer number of the family and to run along so the grown ups can finish the preparations.

They let Charlie Day stumble out of the room and he has flashes of his lifelong memories with Bryce Hodgson as he watches parts of the family interact. He comes across a living room stuffed with people and is overwhelmed by the amount, knowing what the grandfather said about their numbers was true. As he wipes away the cold sweat, he overhears some gossip from a group of aunts and an idea dawns on him. He joins their conversation, still looking a bit ghostly pale and tells them that the family heads are actually discussing the inheritance since the old man (the grandfather) is getting on in years. The biddies eat the info up and he steps away from them with a weak but sly smile. He starts weaving his way from group to group, telling small lies that range from money problems to how one family member said another’s dress looked dumb. He even gets the kids in on it and tells one of the mogul’s unruly teenage girls that another family member's child said her bangs look stupid. He watches as his lies spread and the air starts getting more and more tense as the family gets angrier and angrier. Charlie Day hangs back and a group of middle aged men that aren’t in the upper echelon band together and storm the meeting room. In their fury the heads of the family try to stop the men and in a total freak accident an antique sword is knocked from the wall and kills the grandfather. There is a tense moment where everyone is totally paralyzed before the fury turns to blood lust and all out warfare begins. Charlie Day scrambles away as the hundreds of family members just start a free-for-all murder spree that involves man, woman, and child.

The rest of the dream is Charlie Day trying to escape the house. He calls 911 and in the mayhem some of the family members have ditched the murder and instead are trying to rip apart the fabric of the mansion looking for hidden inheritance paperwork, jewels, ect. They are ripping up carpet screaming about where the old man hid his money. As they tear apart the house, someone unearths the staircase and Charlie Day screams for Bryce Hodgson to make a break for it. Bryce Hodgson is totally taken aback by what’s happening and was clearly torn up trying to find a way out of the basement. Bryce Hodgson accepts this plea and runs out screaming in horror at all the bodies. Someone gets harpooned in the face and other people get accidentally blown up by a forgotten grill by the pool, ect. with lots of fun gory scenes.

Totally disheveled and even slightly charred, Charlie Day gets out of the house just as a firetruck arrives. He ambles to it, his leg hurt, and four other straggling family members that have survived come out of the bloodied remains of the house. The brother is among them and Charlie Day struggles to hear what the brother is saying over the ambulance worker that is taking his vitals. You catch snippets of the brother as he tells the group that Charlie Day started all of this and he was the one to kill grandfather. The others seemingly believe the brother. Charlie Day loses it, breaking away as the ambulance attendant goes to grab something and the police finally arrive. He watches in horror as the brother approaches the police desperate and pointing to the ambulance where Charlie Day just was. He’s too far away to hear them, but he scrambles between the dozens of parked cars until he reaches his own and fumbles his keys out.

Just as he’s about to put the key into the car door he remembers the security cameras on the estate and glances back to the house knowing the truth is on those tapes. Charlie Day sneaks his way back to the house as the police comb the area and he enters viewing the ends of the wreckage and all the bodies. He finds the security room and his wife is in there at the computer preparing to erase the tapes. He is floored and asks her what she is doing. She has tears streaming down her cheeks, smearing the blood on them, and tells him she has to protect the semblance of their family because this would count as the blood sacrifice so all she can do is protect whoever is left. Charlie Day struggles with the fact that his wife knew the whole time and stumbles over to her, his eyes filling with tears. He shakily asks her how far along she is in the process and, thinking he agrees with her, she resumes her task and tells him she only has to bypass one more code.

Tears roll down his cheeks as he waits for her to input the pass-code bringing up all the files. As she prepares to delete the files, he takes a computer wire and chokes her with it, while choking back his own sobs. Charlie Day begs for forgiveness and releases her body when it goes limp and she is dead. With great care he moves her chair aside and takes over, copying the files to a drive to take with him. He struggles to leave the house and finally makes it to his car as the police are combing down the block at this point. He gets on the highway, using his tears to try to wipe away any excess blood and his fingers shake as he flexes his grip on the wheel. Behind him you see the black mother from the beginning (one of the four to survive), equally disheveled. She adjusts her rearview mirror to show a bloody car seat in the back where her son was in the beginning. You realize he, of course, has died in the mayhem and she says “yeah baby I'll go faster” an allusion to the beginning of the dream. Her fingers have a much firmer grip on the wheel as she presses down on the gas pedal to catch up with Charlie Day.

#me #dream #dreams #my dreams #story time #original story #fiction #strange dream #scary dream #thriller #charlie day #bryce hodgson #gore

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aces-to-apples · 6 years ago

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simmons says

Here on AO3

A little Simmons/fem!Wash fluff for RvB Rarepair Week, @rvbrarepairweek

Simmons doesn’t know when he stopped being afraid of Agent Washington.

It’s stupid because the first time they met, she tore a mounted Gatling gun off of its mount and tried to kill the Meta right there in front of the Reds and Blues and God and everyone, but Simmons accidentally threw his battle rifle at her helmet when he registered her voice. It’s stupid because she got blown up by Tex, got her ass kicked by Tex, had to pull herself and her armor hand-over-hand up like a hundred feet of tow chain when the glacier she was standing on got blown up, and then got her ass kicked by the Meta, but Simmons didn’t even argue when she told him to hand over their flag. It’s stupid because she can survive a room full of pissed off Tex clones, taught him all the scariest knife tricks someone called Connie taught her, and she never so much as batted an eye when the scariest motherfucker in the galaxy had some freaky crush on her, but the fact that she has bouncing blonde curls and uses feminine pronouns meant that Simmons couldn’t look her in the eye for like a full year after she joined Blue Team.

Looking at it like that, Simmons should still be afraid of Agent Washington, and he is. Kinda. But after a decade of military service sounded by fuckoff scary super-soldiers, Simmons has learned to accept a few things about himself.

Like the fact that women scare him, not because he doesn’t know what to do with them, Tucker, but because he tends to put them up on a pedestal.

He knows that about himself.

Ever since puberty set in, he’s looked around and seen himself surrounded by women and girls who are so much stronger and faster and meaner than he is, that he could never hope to compete. So he just stood aside and let them work, and the combination of intimidation and awe meant that he sorta… stopped seeing them as regular people.

Which is shitty.

Simmons knows it’s shitty, okay?

It’s not cool to think of women as anything other than multi-dimensional, fully-realized sentient beings with thoughts and feelings of their own, the majority of which don’t involve him even tangentially. He gets that whole concept, really.

But the thing about putting an entire gender on a pedestal—not even just one gender, really, and not even actually on a pedestal; more like sectioning off his own gender from all the others and putting them on the opposite sides of the Grand Canyon—is that he never learned how to talk to them. Women, and non-masculine individuals, are people; they just aren’t people that he can relate to.

When Kimball told them to pick the best soldier from their platoons to promote and train, Simmons picked Jensen, because she was less scary than Nigri. Sure, Jensen was pretty, but she couldn’t spike a volleyball like Princess Azula and if she didn’t wear her armor in the motor pool then she ended up covered head to toe in engine grease. She also had allergies, asthma, and a retainer. Now that was what Simmons could call relatable.

So, really, it’s less that he doesn’t know when he stopped being afraid of what Agent Washington can do, because she can bench-press Caboose for three sets of fifteen reps and then take a five mile jog so the answer to that is a resounding never. He just can’t pinpoint when he stopped being afraid who Agent Washington is.

Normally, he wouldn’t obsess and introspect about it so much during Nerd Night, but the last thing he remembers is Jon Snow getting stabbed like thirty-seven times by the Night’s Watch while he was carefully perched on his side of the couch. Now, Smalljon Umber is handing the baby Stark over to Ramsay Snow and Simmons’ head is tucked underneath Wash’s chin while she taps out messages in Morse code on his ribs.

It’s all very dark and fuzzy and difficult to follow.

He also doesn’t know if she’s asleep, too, and if she is, Simmons definitely doesn’t want to wake her up and possibly ruin Nerd Night with a gruesome murder. Jon Snow didn’t give his life just to let Simmons throw his away by leaping off the couch and sprinting out of Blue Base while yelling apologies at an ex-Freelancer for laying on her boobs.

“You haven’t groped me in my sleep, so calm down, Simmons,” a low, lazy voice says next to his ear, and Simmons tries not to flinch. Tries. The Morse code cuts out and Agent Washington sighs and carefully wriggles them around so that they’re both laying down on the couch, her between him and the cushions. She obeyed the one-gun limit this time, it’s still sitting on her arm of the couch, but Simmons can feel at least two knives strapped onto her person. “Don’t worry, buddy, I’ll protect you.”

Simmons carefully doesn’t move or say anything, barely even breathes, because this easy, playful Wash is almost as rare as the Wash that sometimes wanders into Red Base in her pajamas to steal Donut’s “good” coffee. But he can’t say nothing, otherwise she’ll be all cold and stiff tomorrow, thinking that he thought she’d said or did something not normal. “Hey,” he says, voice roughened by sleep and cracking with nerves, “we’re supposed to be a team, Agent. Maybe I’ll protect you.”

Wash laughs, not loud enough to wake the others or long enough make Simmons feel like she’s making fun of him, but the same half-cackle that Carolina does sometimes when Grif says something that surprises her. Apparently, all the women in their squad had eventually cultivated the same kind of laugh; something about not wanting to seem meek, but also refusing to come off even slightly as seductive. The military not exactly being nice for women and all that.

“You gonna fight off any assassins with your ‘one-gun limit’, Sims?” she snickers, and settles into the cushions even more, her hair tickling the back of his neck.

“Maybe I will,” he sniffs, offended and prissy, the way that Grif always mocks but seems to amuse Carolina and Wash. “Maybe you’ll be the damsel in distress for once. Switch it up a little.”

Agent Washington snorts. “Good luck with that, tough guy,” she says while repositioning the M6 next to her so that it’s easiest to grab in an emergency. Like just the discussion of an impending threat is enough to trip her PTSD. “I’ll wake be sure to wake you if any Faceless Men come crashing through the window, so you don’t miss your chance.”

Simmons means to jostle her, say something about the entire point of Faceless Men being that you never see them coming, but between chuckling sleepily and taking a deep breath that turns into a yawn, he drops back off to sleep. He thinks Wash probably does, too, because she’s still there when they when they wake up to Donut’s “good” coffee and singing the next morning.

#red vs. blue #rvb fic #fic bits #by apples #rvb rarepair week #simmington #dick simmons #agent washington #genderbending #fem!wash #because why the fuxk not apparently

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ryes-up · 5 years ago

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If Guilt Could Kill || Self-Para

The massive arena was filled with faceless fae, Seelie and Unseelie alike. The humans were corralled to one side, heads bowed under the sneers and glares of the guards that stood on either side of them. Rye sat in the Royal Box, close enough to see what would be a gruesome fight in detail, but far enough away that none of the blood and dust would mar his clothing. Oberon sat to one side of him, Kit on the other. Maddox, Titania and Rosemary all sat in the box as well, though none of them looked at him. Not until one of the guards behind them dropped to the ground without a word.

Everything happened at once. Oberon stood, grabbing for Titania. Maddox shielded Kit. Maerel stepped away from the guard that had fallen, eyes wide in shock for barely a moment before he turned defensive, eyes shifting to Rye for a moment, before moving to Rosemary’s side. Faceless assailants flooded the Royal Box. Some were Sharks, some Seelie. Many, Rye wasn’t even certain. He stood before Kit, raising his sword to block one of the blows. It wasn’t made for fighting; the handle was jeweled and it’s weight wasn’t balanced well. It was a show of status, not a weapon, but it did the job, in its own way. It slid straight through the assailant’s sword as though it were butter, but the sword fell from the fae’ hand anyway. The swoop of his sword would’ve caught the man in his side, if the metal hadn’t slid through him like air. Still he fell.

Maddox spirited Kit away before Rye could even see what happened. The entrance was blocked, and it appeared as though they’d just disappeared. He cared little at the moment, though. Maerel was on the ground, clutching a bloodied stump where his arm had been, Rosemary huddled in a crouch behind him. Rye stepped between them and someone who appeared to be a Wolf, though that couldn’t be right. Oberon may have detained some, but they were innocent. Still, Rye rushed forward, fighting his way through them as easily as he had the first. It wasn’t until something flashed out of the corner of his eye—a knife—that he froze. He couldn’t feel the knife, but he knew it was held to his throat, the platinum blonde hair of the King over his shoulder, a smirk on his lips.

“Funny,” Rye said drily, relaxing and dropping his sword. It fell without a sound to the floor.

“I thought so,” the voice that answered him wasn’t the tone of the King, though the man’s lips moved. Rather, it was the light voice of a halfling having far too much fun with their game. Oberon and the knife faded away in barely the blink of an eye, as did Maerel and Rosemary, as well as the others. Rye dropped his glamour as well, and the arena and Royal Box faded away to leave him standing in the abandoned warehouse in the Shambles that he and Robin used to train the newest Nighthawks recruits. While the warehouse would sometimes hold as many as three hundred trainees, now it was empty except for Rye and Damira, who stood smirking at him from her place leaning against the wall several yards away.

“What happened to using Bone or Gold?” Rye asked.

Damira shrugged before pushing away from the wall and stepping towards him. “I grew bored of trying to feed into your guilt-ridden, masochistic tendencies. Figured maybe your brother holding the knife be the thing to snap you out of it.”

“I have no brother,” Rye said sharply, not for the first time. As always, Damira only looked bored at his words.

“This isn’t what happened,” Damira said. He didn’t have to ask what she meant.

“You weren’t even there,” Rye said, though she was right. “I know what happened. I fled. I protected the damned King and his wife, took them back to their perfectly safe castle, and listened to them only lament that their enjoyment of watching humans slaughter each other had been interrupted. I watched the King order the arrests of anyone he believed even vaguely related to the guard’s death, as well as several people he simply disliked, and I kept him safe like a good little knight through all of it. I know what happened.” He hadn’t fought. He hadn’t defended the people arrested. He hadn’t argued or even gently nudged the King to see reason.

“Blaming yourself for the damned tournament doesn’t accomplish anything,” Damira said. He calm tone infuriated him more than if she’d yelled the words at him. What right did she have to be so calm, when he’d caused so many deaths?

“I never claimed it to accomplish anything. But that doesn’t change the fact that if I hadn’t helped break out the human tithes, none of it would’ve happened,” Rye said. The tournament, the senseless slaughter of humans for no reason other than the entertainment of nobles and fae that believed the humans to be worth less than the dirt they walked on.

“And those humans would be dead,” Damira commented.

“Aren’t more dead now? And Wolves, Sharks, Seelie and Unseelie alike all arrested under a false guise of justice? I should’ve stayed out of it.”

“You couldn’t live with yourself if you had,” Damira said, he voice softer, a slight smile on her lips.

“I can barely live with myself now,” Rye muttered. They were both silent for a moment before he spoke. “Again.”

“No,” Damira said. “I’m bored of your self-punishing scenarios. Find someone else to glamour your enemies.”

“I’m training,” Rye stated.

“You’re reliving the moments you feel that you failed,” Damira replied. “And I can’t figure out how to get you to stop. We’ve run through various battles during the war, the slaughter of your servants, the rescue of the human tithes and the tournament. I’ve let you kill Alekto Bone, Ambrose Gold and the King. You don’t stop until someone has the bloody knife at your throat. I’m not going to continue to enable the self-torture sessions of your life’s worst failures.”

“Not the worst,” Rye muttered quietly. He only earned a dark glare from Damira. She knew the failure he spoke of; the worst that he didn’t dare ask her to recreate.

“You think you deserve death for everyone you’ve failed, everyone you’ve killed?” The halfling demanded.

Rye didn’t answer. He wasn’t sure what to say. Did he think that? Yes. He knew the answer instinctively, though he couldn’t say it aloud. How many fae, humans and halflings had the King slaughtered, while Rye stood by and did nothing? How many had been tortured? How many more would be, and still Rye would do nothing? Because of what? Some need he felt to keep his title? Some belief that he had any sway and influence over the King? Some misguided belief that he could do more good for the Nighthawks within the Unseelie Court than he could as an outcast? No. He wasn’t any better than the thousands the King had killed without Rye’s protest, and he deserved the same fate.

But I have too many things to fix, too many amends to make, before I reach that fate. Though he didn’t say it aloud, his silence answered her all the same.

“Fine. Believe it if you must, but the Nighthawks don’t deserve your death. Robin doesn’t deserve your death.” She turned and started to stalk out of the warehouse. He reached out instinctively, grabbing at her arm, not certain what he would say, or how he would convince her to stay—but he needed to. He needed to fight. He needed the distraction. Damira jerked her arm away, and the glare she shot at him actually made him freeze and lean away from her a fraction of an inch. When she opened her mouth again, Rye’s blood went cold. It seemed she hit upon the only thing that would silence him, that would keep him from coming to her again: “Ask me again to indulge your guilt-ridden fantasies, and next time you will be in your brother’s bloody dungeon, and Puck will be holding the knife.”

I deserve that though, right?

#tffwritingchallenge #Selfpara #If Guilt Could Kill #//Needless to say he falls into the category of too much guilt in this writing challenge #npc: Damira #//I'm sorry Robin

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dammitadolfnomorecake · 5 years ago

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🏰😂⚔️🐲 DMODT 77 final draft... I don't know anymore guys. I just don't

Levi had a horrible night's sleep. Cradled in Eren's arms, the omega watched over him. He watched for every twitch and whimper, every shift and growl, and every small cough, and every squeeze of his hand in search of reassurance. It wasn't Levi's fault that he was stuck with back to back nightmares. His also looking horribly guilty each time he jolted back to consciousness, though Eren had repeatedly assured him there was nothing to feel guilty over. Since waking, Eren had had some pretty extreme dreams of his own. Peppering kisses to Levi's hair, he wouldn't let his mate go through his nightmares alone. Not when Levi did the exact same thing for him when he suffered through nightmares of his own. Finding a few hours sleep of his own, Levi still looked pained when Eren woke. He hadn't meant to fall asleep, but after feeding Viren he'd felt exhausted. Tucking his mate's hair back behind his ear, Levi nuzzled into his hand with a puffy breath "Eren?" "I didn't mean to wake you" "Mmm... you're here?" "Yeah. It was all just a bad dream" "Fucking worst" Ignoring the feeling like he had a felt forest growing in his mouth, Eren kissed Levi gently "Tell me about it?" "It's stupid" "It's not stupid to me. Never stupid to me" Groaning, Levi shuffled closer to him, burying his face against Eren's shoulder "You're too much" "Maybe. I still want to know what's on in those dreams" "Just... I was dreaming of you being gone. You grew sick of me and left" "Idiot. I'm not going anywhere" "You say that... but are we even still engage? Do you want to marry me?" Eren sighed softly "Levi. I do. Very much so. I took the rings off because I needed to think, and I've been with you since. I think it's kind of obvious I wish to marry you" "Sorry. Forget what I said... it was stupid" "I didn't mean to make you feel that way" "I know. God. What a shit night" "If you think last night was shit, yours going to love playing bait today" "Love is a strong word" "I love you" "It's too early for this shit" "I heard when you start getting grey hair..." Levi grabbed at his side, Eren's teasing cut off. He loved the few grey and white hairs just above Levi's ears. He was sure he'd caused each and every one of them "I will kick you out this bed if you don't start being nice to me" "I am being nice. I'm the nicest omega in this bed" "Nice omega's don't make fun of their fiancé's grey hair. Wait. I'm on to you. You want to be spanked. I'm not falling for your trap, Yeager. Now, it's time to get up" Huffing at Levi, neither of them moved. A spanking wasn't what he was aiming for. They really needed to stop fucking as it was... He really needed to stop thinking about Levi's thick dick filling him to breaking point, then flooding his womb with his seed. He needed to get back to being professional and playing at being a prince. Not the prince who was steering his husband astray because he was a lusty little slut "You can't say that. You don't even know what the time is" "Neither do you" "That's beside the point" "I think otherwise" "Who let you do the thinking?" "I don't know. They should be fired" "They should. Will you be alright today? In front of everyone?" "Eren, you're the one I should be asking that to" He'd rather go into labour in front of hundreds of people again, than stand in the room and play nice with someone who'd hurt Levi so deeply by having him attempt suicide "Probably not. But it has to be done. We don't have to hide anymore" "No. We can get out of this shitty room. Get you into a real bed. Resting properly. Don't think I can't feel how shit you feel" "I feel shit because some shitty arsehole upset my alpha. I really hope I get to punch them, something" All Eren wanted was to sleep in the sun again with his alpha in his arms, and to know his boys were safe and happy "Not before I do..." There was his Levi "Anyway, we really should get up. I'm going to need at least three cups of this countries shitty fucking pigs piss if they expect me to function today" "Or, you could let me make tea for you" "No offence, I don't feel like tasting all those different herbs of yours" "I'm completely offended. They're good for you" "That doesn't make it taste any better" "Then you can deal with your headaches and joint pain alone. Have fun standing up in court, keeping your attention, and not snapping at everyone with that headache you're currently nursing" Smacking him lightly, Levi growled "Mouthy brat" "Only because I'm right" "We'll see about that" * Eren was slightly smug in his rightness as he forced his love on Levi. Levi was doing better after a herbal tea than the alpha would admit. Being the smart omega he was, he'd mixed his herbs in after brewing the tea they were provided with until their taste had vanished, which meant the tea was super strong... how Levi usually liked his tea. His mate still looked wrecked. His eyes red from a lack of real sleep, scent all over the place and his temper... Despite Luca wanting to be with Steege, Levi was holding him so he'd be forced to keep his temper to himself as they waited. Eren had already stealthily acquired himself another promised from his mate in his distracted state "to spoil their son rotten once they got out of the hell hole they were in". A single blanket that Freya had had to clean and repair wasn't enough to make up for missing his birthday then the date they'd decided upon for Luca's true birthday. Eren wanted a true birthday for his baby boy. Back at the castle where Luca could traumatise Nicollo. Nicollo and Armin could fight over the cake. Luca could eat as much as he liked, and play until his heart was content. Kissing Levi's cheek, his alpha let out an exaggerated sigh "If you keep kissing me, we'll never make it into that courtroom" "Mmm. I want to make sure you know how much I love you" "By kissing me to death?" There wasn't else much he could do. He and Levi were waiting for everyone else to enter the courtroom before they did... still. Being closest to the door, Levi could at least peak in. For Eren, it was a whole lot of faceless voices and someone laughing "That fucker..." Levi couldn't mutter something like that, without elaborating. Pressing forward, Eren nearly squished Viren in the process. With how much he'd grown in the 11ish weeks since his birth, Eren felt much more confident holding him against his shoulder rather than cradling him all the time "What? What is it?" "Fucking Willy" "Why? What's he doing? Let me see" Swatting him away, Levi kept staring through the gap "Tell me" "Just... shush for a moment" "Levi?" "Fine. He's talking with Magath. Even fucking laughing. I thought the pair of them didn't get along" "I didn't think they got along either... not enough to laugh" "There's nothing to laugh at. I want to punch him in that fucking smarmy face of his" "Levi..." "I know. We have to play nice. Doesn't mean I don't want to" "I wouldn't mind getting a hit in either. His hair's obnoxious" Levi snorted at him "Don't tell me you want to be blond" "What? No. It's too fake. It must be pretty disgusting trying to wash all the product out of it" "Are we really standing here discussing his hair?" "Yes. You started it" "I'm pretty sure you started it" "Can we go in yet?" "No" Pressing another kiss to Levi's cheek, Levi sighed at him all over again "I'm warning you" "Then let me see" "I swear..." Levi didn't finish his sentence, the door he was peeking through pushed open by a court guard. Giving them both a stern glare, the man's voice was just as harsh as his gaze "It's time" The two small words seemed to send Eren's world spinning. He could tell instantly that the man disliked them, perhaps personally. He wanted to apologise to the stranger, despite not knowing what he'd be apologising for. Anything to get him to stop looking at them like they were scum stuck to his shoes. Tugging his hand, Eren didn't want to follow Levi into the courtroom he'd been so curious over. He wanted to bail out the closest window, and not look back. Instead, he was pulled along and into the galley by Levi. Marley's side of the room all staring at him in shock, but none so much as Dina. The woman paling dramatically as Eren found himself unable to look away "Prince Eren?! What... how? We were told you were killed. Thank Ymir and the water's of the nymphs that you weren't" Forcing his gaze up to Willy, Eren felt as if he'd been run through Obsydin's sword again. His hand flying to his stomach as phantom pain bloomed so hard it brought tears to his eyes. Out of all of them, he didn't understand why Willy had singled him out. Levi was also reported dead. The man was standing right beside him. To Willy's left, Magath appeared to have had a stroke. The man slumped heavily on his right side as he leaned on the galley rail "What is the meaning of this?" Feeling like his knees were about to give, Eren passed Viren to Mikasa so he rubbed at the scar Obsydin's sword had left. He knew the wound had healed, and he also knew he was letting personal dislike of Willy affect his mental stability, hence the phantom pain. Straightening, Eren sucked down a deep breath. The tribunal hadn't stepped in to explain that he was indeed alive "I am indeed alive. An attempt was made on my life, but as you can see, I am perfectly fine" Magath wasn't having it "How the hell does that happen?! Your accursed magic destroyed half the city!" "It's regrettable. Whoever made the attempt had no idea of the consequences of their actions. Let alone the rebound effects that such and event causes. Dragons are magical beings afterall" Eren took liberties with the word "rebound". A better word would have been "repercussions", but it didn't have the same squirm affect. Magath'a face reddening, while Willy's lips twitched. The action so small that all but a dragon or rider would have missed it. It was then that Eren realised he wasn't being paranoid. Willy did know something "How is he allowed to stand here!? He murdered innocent people!" "Prince Eren is not on trail. The effects of his magic were not due to deliberate or vengeful acts on his behalf" "That's beside the point! That monster should not be allowed to live!" Levi growled, while Eren shook. His fingers were burning, he wanted to jump the galley rail. He wanted to storm right over to Magath and Willy so he could punch them both in the face. While his omega had decided to whimper away to the back corner of his mind "Commander Magath, one more comment that like and you shall be removed from this court" "You have no right! Marley will never serve under a disgusting creature as yourself! Never! Murderer!" Eren knew his yelling was probably for the theatrics of it all. But that didn't mean that they words didn't begin to worm their way into his chest, and to his tightening lungs. As Levi went to place his hand on Eren's arm, Eren slapped it away "I never asked to be targeted. It is well known that I have made multiple attempts to abdicate the throne, and was asked not to until this trial has passed. It is also well known that Marley has been hesitant in upholding its agreement to inform me of relevant issues, that I should have been made aware of as your prince" "You're no prince of mine! You're just the whore that our Prince captured" "You will not talk of Zeke" "I will if I bloody well want to" "You didn't even know him. None of you did. You only knew the mask the man wore. The man conditioned to play the part every single one of you wanted him to play. Our marriage wasn't perfect, but that doesn't mean I didn't come to care for him. It also doesn't mean that I don't feel pain at what Marley is going through. The simple fact is, one of you tried to kill me, and now you are blaming the fallout on me, when I was bleeding to death at your spell. It hasn't escaped my attention that I was run through with a sword. The same method used by Yelena to kill my late husband, who died in my arms. I died in the arms of my mate. The man I was legally bonded to before marrying Zeke. Further more, I see the guilt in the eyes of the one responsible. I see from the look on Dina's face, that she and him were working together, because I can see how upset she is to find me alive. I should also mention that any further attacks will result in near identical incidents where I have no control over my magic, or who it kills" Eren's words hung heavily. Magath's mouth open as they sunk in. Willy shifted his weight, and Dina covered her face with her hands. At the tribunal table, the man sitting at the middle of the table rose to his feet "There will be no more talk of Prince Eren and the incident at the Rose Hotel. An active investigation is being carried out, with an arrest soon to be made. The next person to interrupt proceedings will be evicted, as Commander Magath is currently being" Magath protested as a court guard came forward and escorted him out. Despite the fuss, Willy's eyes lingered on Eren. He didn't need to look at the man to tell he was continuing to watch him. "What is it?" Still rubbing at his scar site, Eren didn't want Levi blowing up. Not when he was quietly simmering with pain and rage. Shaking his head, Eren moved a little closer to Mikasa and Viren, Levi catching his hand to pull him back up against him "Don't blow me off. I can feel you" "I'm..." "You're not to blame. The court ruled that you are not to blame. So ignore Willy. Ignore Magath" Levi hadn't noticed there was something wrong with Willy, didn't that mean he was simply being paranoid? No. He'd decided he wasn't paranoid. Willy knew something. He knew he wasn't imagining things. He wasn't paranoid. His instincts and body were telling him he was right "I don't want to think about that" "Then why... what's wrong?" Levi's command tugged at his tongue. His agreement to the command that made him want to blurt everything out, but what could Levi do? What could either of them do, when they were forced to stand across from Willy all damn day? Carefully, he chose his words "I'm confused as to why Willy is so happy to see me, when he was just joking with Magath. We can talk about it later. I want my baby back" Levi hummed, bouncing Luca up in his hold. Their son was getting too big for cuddles, at least size wise he was "Why don't you take Luca, while I take Viren? We knew it was going to be a long day, and we knew it was going to be awkward. But, they did say that they have someone in mind. Hopefully they'll arrest them, then both them and Dina will be receive the punishments they deserve" He knew Willy had an agenda of his own. He'd known that long before this month long trip to hell "Here, he's already trying to climb into your arms" Chirping, Luca stretched out nudge his face. Levi scratched in Luca's haste to be in his arms "What's the matter baby boy? Here, come here" Resting his nose against Eren's neck, Luca let out a soft huff "He's probably just as sick of all of this as we are" Eren nodded at Armin. They hadn't expected to be gone for so long. Everything in Eldia was being handled by correspondence, but Eren felt it was probably past time the prince returned to his kingdom. Armin had testified. He didn't need to be stuck here still... None of them did. He was sick to death of the courtroom. Of looking at Dina's face. Of Willy and his stupid blond hair. He was done. Nuzzling his neck, Luca could probably smell his anger. Hushing his boy softly, Eren scolded himself. He could fall apart, but not in front of his boys. Eren made it to the "lunch break", which was simply a five minutes break for them all to stretch before continuing with no time at all to eat, then he was done. He didn't know why they were right back to going through Dina's crimes. She was guilty as hell, and he was done. Brushing his alpha off, the omega strode out the front of the courthouse, too angry to care where he was going, only wanting to get the hell out of this charade. Willy was guilty. Each time he accidentally let his gaze slip the man's way, he felt sick with anger. Plunging out into the sunny streets, Eren walked without looking back, leaving his friends watching on in concern, and Levi hurrying after him with a crying Viren. * Trailing after Eren, he was easy enough to spot. Crowds parted at the omega carrying a baby dragon through their down. The shit for brains probably didn't see that everyday, an advantage for him. That he wasn't about to admit he needed because everyone in this goddamn country was so fucking tall. Unreasonably tall. And screw Eren for having such long legs. The only good place for those long legs were wrapped around his waist. God. He really shouldn't be thinking of pushing Eren down and fucking the every living daylights out of him, not while his mate was upset, and Viren seemed to be as happy as his mother. Eren finally came to a stop in the middle of the street he'd been walking down. His mate's form trembling as he simply stood there. Finally catching up to his lover, Eren didn't turn around, trusting Levi to be there as he leaned expectantly into him "Do you want to tell me what that was all about?" "I got mad" "I noticed. And now I want to know why" It was shameful that his legs hurt. The lack of exercise and recovery had left him worse off than he'd thought. Even with his improved alpha strengths. Eren didn't answer, but his pain and his silence spoke volumes "Please, Eren. I'm your mate. I want you to rely on me" "I do!" Yelling in the middle of the street, Eren seemed as if he'd taken himself by surprise. Shaking his head, he pulled back to face Levi "I do. I'm... I'm so over all of this. I can't stand being in the courtroom. I can't stand being locked underground. Our friends are still stuck here, while Eldia needs its ruling prince. Fucking Dina and Willy... they... I'm sick of people suffering because of them. I can feel the magic Levi. I can feel how badly the city was fucked up because of my magic. It still lingers in the air. I can feel the magic used by other dragons to fix my mistake. I'm over this. I hate being here. I hate being locked up. I hate knowing our friends are watching our every move. Armin's scared of you. Everyone's trying to hard when it comes to me. We keep fucking, but I still feel the hole that losing Obsydin caused. I don't know why we're still here. She's my mother-in-law. She's horrible and I don't know why the court hasn't ruled yet. But most of all. I'm sick of myself. I'm sick of crying, and feeling like I can't control my emotions. I'm scared of my own magic. I'm scared of myself and I hate it. Even when we go home, it's not going to be the same. The only place in the castle I really feel ok is in your quarters. I just... I don't belong anywhere anymore. When we came to Europe the first time, it was hard... but it... it was ok, you know. Because we could walk around. We didn't have to hide who we were. We didn't have to worry about people after either of us, or our son. It wasn't great all the time. But... I just want that back. I know what they're thinking. I know they all think I'm a whore... for ch-choosing the man I love... I hated you for leaving me. I hated you so badly I wanted to die. I didn't care what happened to me... so I married Zeke. And because I keep fucking everything up, we're stuck here. When do we get to be happy, Levi? When do we get to finally rest? When I'm in that room, I can't even think like myself. My mouth moves and I just... everything I do is wrong. Everything I say is wrong. I don't know how to fix any of this or how to make it right. I can't even remember how to be myself anymore. All I can think is that she's going to walk. Willy is going to walk. They're going to go back to Marley and they're going to wipe Eldia out, because I fucking exist... I can't fix it... I don't know what choose to make. I don't know how to live with these regrets, when I regret being alive..." This was the drop Levi had feared was coming. His omega was wearing such a sad smile that a hot lump of emotion grew stuck in Levi's throat. He knew sex wasn't a magical cure. Sex didn't equate to love, but now he was wondering if his love wasn't reaching Eren, for Eren to want to wish his own death. He'd fucking lost him. He'd bled out in his hold. Tears rushed to form in Levi's stinging eyes "Eren..." "Why can't I..." "Eren... I love you" Talking over each other, Eren's gaze dropped to Luca "I love you. I know this has been a shitfest. I want nothing more than to take you out of here, but I know you need to see this through..." "That's just it. I do, not everyone else..." "They're here because they want to be" "They're here because they think they need to be" "You're wrong. If you asked any of them, they'd say..." "They want to be here. For Armin and Mikasa it's to watch over me. Mikasa's squad because they're under her orders. Hanji and Moblit because you're here. Freya and Steege because I fucking ruined things with Draecia... I don't want them doing things because of me. They should be home. They should be living their own lives, not cleaning up my mess. Or sitting beside my besides because I'm a nut job. Waiting for me to break again, because my fucking soul is fucked up..." Reaching out, Levi pulled Eren into a tight one armed hug. Nuzzling his mate's hair, he pressed kisses to the spot "God. Why can't you see how much we love you? How much I love you. Willy and Dina won't get away with anything. None of the Marley party will..." He still wasn't sure what Willy's game was, but he wanted to punch the piece of shit in the face for upsetting his omega "Listen. I love you. I'm here with you, because I want to be with you. I want to spend every fucking day for the rest of our lives with you" "But I'm nothing. I have nothing. It takes money to live outside the castle. I don't have any skills. I can't make money. And I don't want to take you from the place you've known your whole life. I don't want to take you from your friends and family... I don't want to be that person. I don't want you to hate me... I just want you to be happy... that's all I want. You're always fixing me. Comforting me. Helping me. I don't do anything for you" "That's not true" "It is" "You stayed with me last night..." "Where else would I go? I have no one. I have nothing... you're... you're my whole fucking world and I can't even make you feel better" "You do. Having you. Holding you. Things might not be perfect all the time, but you make me happy. I always thought falling in love was complete and total horseshit. I laughed at those fucking idiot alphas, and saw omegas... as idiots for putting up with everything. I didn't get it. You. Viren. Luca. I... I don't have the words to tell you how much this family means to me. You gave me this family. You spent weeks looking for a way to break the master and omega bond, because I asked. You didn't have to. But you did, because you always put the people you care about first. I was a complete arsehole to you. I pushed you away. I pushed you into Zeke's attentions. I used you to entertain him, and you took it. You took it and you stepped up. You always do. If all the omegas in the world were like you, us alphas would be royally fucked" "I'm..." "Your world" Eren slumped against him "I feel so angry that I feel sick. Willy knows something. I fucking saw it on his face. I hate my eyes. I hate seeing too much. He reacted. He didn't think we were alive and he was happy over it. We know he's had some game, but... I think... I think he's to blame. I think he... Levi..." "I'm going to fucking kill him" The words slipped from Levi's mouth before he could remember that he'd actually killed people in front of Eren before, and it was still a taboo topic "I can't... Levi. I can't..." "You're right. I'm sorry. Let's find a room? Take a break from the courthouse for a while?" "They won't let us" "I don't care about them. I care about you" "But the others..." "Can jump. You're hurting and if I go back, I might just make real on that threat. It's not healthy for Viren to be underground so much. It's not healthy for anyone, and they're not winning any awards for those drains they call windows" "I don't feel very well" Yeah. Thanks the fucking start of another drop. Hopefully a change of setting would pull Eren back out of it before he was forced to suffer through another one with no fault of his own "I know. I've got you... Luca, can you walk?" "No... please don't make me put him down" It took some effort, some mental swearing, and some help on Luca's behalf to get Eren propped up at his side. Their son moving to curl around Eren's shoulders, so Eren could curl in on him. Keeping his face hidden, the omega sniffled softly from time to time, but managed to keep from crying as they backtracked towards the courthouse. It took some very careful manoeuvring to slip past the building without Eren noticing, in order to find an inn that was open for business and would take the four of them on the word that they were with the Eldia party. Eren's statement in the papers had helped prove their identity. The Foreign Prince with the White Dragon. Luca chirping happily when he was mentioned by the aged man behind the inn's counter. The place was much smaller than the hotel. Just two floors with 8 rooms in total, but it was what Levi needed it to be. Convenient, and run by a man who was quick to lose himself in his own chains of thought, so any questions he asked were forgotten before he was even done asking. Reassuring them he was happy to house a prince, they were given a key to a second level room. The place had seen better days, with its peeling wallpaper and creaking floors, but proved to be cobweb free and the room didn't smell of dust or mothballs like Levi had expected. Guiding Eren to the bed, he passed Viren to his mate as Luca climbed off Eren's shoulders. The next piece of business was opening the window and curtains to allow as much of that sunlight Eren loved in, as was possible. Sitting with his mate in his arms as he fed Viren, Eren was mostly out of it. His eyes firmly fixed on Viren's moving cheeks as he drank hungrily. Levi knew he was being a sap, but he adored the little pup so much. The son he didn't think he'd have biologically. He would have adopted if Eren hadn't fallen pregnant and still wished for another child. There was still time for them to follow that route anyway if he mate desired. He was the first to admit he wasn't a "children person", yet Eren had changed his mind about that too. Spending the next few hours resting, Levi felt physically ill over leaving Eren long enough to inform their friends they'd taken lodgings somewhere more agreeable. His mate hadn't wanted to nap, but the drop he was hovering on had the better of him at the moment. Pressing kisses to his loves chocolate locks, Levi had mumbled words of love as he tried to keep his lover from going over the edge. It seemed Eren's sleep was less than peaceful, the omega occasionally spasming as if a chill had run down his spine, despite the unexpectedly thick blankets covering his body, and the alpha's own body heat. God. He really didn't wish to wake him. Sliding his hand from Eren's hair Levi cupped his mate's cheek, pressing a light kiss to his mate's plump lips "Sweet Boy, you need to wake up for me" Kissing Eren again, the omega groaned at him "Eren, I promise you can go right back to sleep, but I need you to wake up for me for a moment" Nuzzling at him, Levi snorted at his fiancé. Eren had no idea how adorable he was when he was sleepy "I have to go let the others know that you're ok..." And retrieve their things. One nappy wasn't going to last long "Stay..." "I wish I could my Sweet Boy, but Viren needs his things. And that sister of yours is probably ready to start tearing the city apart looking for you" "Stay... with me" Yawning out the words, Eren hadn't even bothered opening his eyes. Rubbing his mate's facial scales with the pad of his thumb "Eren, I have to go. I need you awake enough to recognise that I've left and I'll be back" "... don't want you to go. Don't... want them to arrest you..." Who was... oh... Willy. His focus was on his family, not that slimy piece of fucking shit. Eren was afraid he'd attack Willy if he had the chance, which he would if he could "They won't arrest me. I won't even talk to him" Not unless Willy went out his way to talk to him first. Unfortunately he was so slippery, Levi doubted he could get the alpha to hit him first in public. Anything after that would be in self defence "I'll be back shortly. Luca, can you watch your mother for me? He needs his big brave boy to keep him safe until daddy comes back" Unfurling himself, Luca nodded puffing out his chest. Obviously proud that his father had asked him for such an important favour. Stroking Luca's head, he swore the dragon rolled his eyes at him for ruining how "cool" he looked right then "Sorry. Sorry. I know, but daddy loves you, and I trust you to look after your mother and your brother until I return" Eren clung to him right to the very edge of the bed. His omega kept repeating that he didn't want Levi "to be arrested" or "to leave". In such a vulnerable state, it took moving Viren closer to his fiancé to calm him enough for Levi to leave. The omega curling around Viren so he could nuzzle into the pup's wispy hair, leaving Levi sorely wishing he could capture the moment forever. His mate was a little dented, a little broken thanks to two blond haired shitstained, but he hadn't lose a single ounce of his love for his family. Forcing himself off the bed and out the room, Levi's alpha was fast to tell him to return to their omega, though Levi was sure that the near drop would pass given Eren no longer had to fear being left underground. Now he just needed to make sure the others understood that it wasn't personal. They all should understand, given what they'd been through. * Mikasa and Armin were both standing on the steps of the courthouse by the time Levi reached the building. He'd taken a slight wrong turn by turning a street too early, which he was quick to backtrack on. Walking towards the pair, Mikasa's hand went to where her blade would normally sit, a move not unnoticed. He knew she strongly disliked him for leaving Eren, but hadn't he shown he always had Eren's best interest in heart? Stopping short, he made the pair come down the steps to meet him. Mikasa's face set in a fierce scold as she looked down at him "What did you do to my brother?" "Mikasa! Sorry, Levi. She means, where is Eren? Why isn't he with you?" Armin may have reworded it, but the words seemed just as accusing "Eren nearly went into a drop in public. We've rented a room in an inn not too far from here. He's resting at the moment" "What did you do? He was fine this morning" "Me? I'm not the one who sent him into a fucking drop. I was the one who was there when he was. It was that slicked back, blond haired Marley tosser. He's been miserable shut below ground, unable to trust himself or his magic. He finally fucking broke, so if you want to start a fight..." Armin stepped slightly in front Mikasa as if to prevent said fight from breaking out right then and there "Is he ok? Should be alone right now?" "I don't think he's going to fall into the drop. But he does suspect that Willy is involved in his suicide attempt, so both of you will need to be careful what's said around him. I've only really come to pick up our things" "We'll come with you" "Come with me?" "To the inn. Eren needs his friends" If they did come, Levi wasn't sure they were going to like what Eren had to say... "I..." "Then its settled. I'm tired of the accomodation here too. I'm sure Freya and Steege will be in agreement. Plus Hanji and Moblit... Hanji takes so long in the bathroom, especially with Moblit" Levi never wanted to step foot in the sad excuse of a bathroom beneath the courthouse ever again. His lip sneering in disgust at the memory of walking in on them "We're coming with you. You can't just take Eren from us like this" "Mikasa... Levi didn't take Eren. He walked out. We all saw him walk out. I know you're all over the place since Eren nearly died, but taking it out on Levi isn't fair. It's Eren's choice, and Eren chose Levi" "He attacked him..." "He was feral from losing his mate. Eren understands that and it wasn't like he didn't go into heat due to the same thing. If Levi is with him, then that's what he wants" "He nearly died and now he's left us again! He keeps acting like he has to go this alone..." "Excuse me. Are a fucking idiot? Have you met your own brother? He leaves everyone behind because he's too fucking stubborn for our own good. He's rash. Reckless. Impulsive. Obsessed with finding peace and ending everyone's suffering. But he's also a grown adult. He's bonded. Engaged. Already has two children, and is part dragon. Yes. His death fucked all of us right up, but there is no fucking way I would have left him in that inn if I didn't think he was strong enough to look after the boys. His head is all over the place, but all he thinks about is how to make you all happy. He needs this. Our boys need this. And if a shitty room in some shitty inn is what it takes to make Eren happy and prevents his drop, then that's where we're staying after you..." Levi cut his sentence off with a shake of his head. Eren was the one who wanted to talk to them all over leaving. It wasn't his place to cause an even bigger scene "After what?" Crossing her arms, Mikasa didn't let it drop. Levi huffing a sigh as he waved it off "After all, you should both know what he's like" "See Mikasa. Levi is just trying to do what is right by Eren. If I was him, I wouldn't want to be locked up in a cell underground all over again. Why don't we go pack? It's better than standing in the street and fighting" "Fine. But if Eren's isn't ok, I'm going to punch you for leaving him" Why was he going to be hit? His alpha didn't appreciate the female alpha's protectiveness of Eren. She was lucky that Eren had made his feeling abundantly clear, that Levi shouldn't do anything that may prohibit his immediate return. Still. He couldn't guarantee how long he could keep his temper, especially if he ran into Willy now. The sooner they got out this shitfest, the better.

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candyappleorange · 5 years ago

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the 76

My first year of university, I worked on a film set helping a sound mixer. He liked me and me him. He taught me how to mix and he gave my contact to some small directors who couldn't afford him, but could afford me.

A young director contacted me soon afterwards and we worked well together. He hired me when he needed me. Most of the projects were videos for Drag Queens. They are a fun crowd, very accepting but also a vicious kind. I think they were always surprised to see a young straight man working their videos, so they were kind to me.

I was working a project in Hollywood late into the night. We wrapped at around 2 or 3 in the morning. I couldn’t afford a ride home in a lift, so I decided to walk. My dormitory was only 9 miles away.

My phone was at about 5%, I couldn’t listen to music or use it to direct me home. I turned it off and slipped it into my backpack, security in case I was in trouble.

I started down Hollywood Boulevard. The streets were empty which was something I hadn’t seen. The streets were just as dirty though. It boggles my mind that people would want to visit such an awful part of Los Angeles.

I had walked about a mile when I saw a gentlemen’s club, lights flashing. I had no interest in what was inside but the idea of going into one at this time of night sounded interesting, especially because I was already having an interesting evening. So, I stopped walking and looked up at the building.

GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS

I looked at the pink flashing sign for a minute or two. What an interesting sign. I gripped my backpack and walked in. I was stopped by the bouncer and asked to pay the surcharge of 20 dollars which I of course didn’t have. In the movies they don’t tell you about that part.

I continued walking down the street, not looking back.

I walked for another hour before seeing something that quite surprised me. A wall of white plastered faces nailed twenty feet high on the side of an art gallery. There must have ben hundreds of them.

TAKE ONE

was printed on the side of the wall. I didn’t think twice. I walked over to the wall and started studying them to see which one I was going to take home. They were all the same white face, but I spent about 10 minutes picking mine out. I don’t know why, they were the same. I eventually picked mine out and slipped it into my backpack.

It wasn’t until 30 minutes later when it hit me that no other faces had been taken. Out of the entire wall not a single face was missing, except for the empty space that was left when I took mine. I fear I wasn’t actually supposed to take one. But I wasn’t about to walk back to return it.

Soon after, I found a single cigarette lying in the middle of the sidewalk. It looked oddly beautiful sitting there under the lamp posts pale light. I crouched down at it’s side and picked it up, studying it.

“So this is how they feel in your hand”

I placed it behind my right ear. I had a new mission, find a gas station so I can purchase a lighter.

Funny thing about Hollywood is there are no gas stations that stay open past 12. What about the poor woman returning home from the gentlemen’s club needing gas? What is she to do?

What was I to do about my cigarette? All I wanted to do was smoke it. It took me another 30 minutes and a right onto Sunset Boulevard to eventually find my gas station.

I walked in and was blinded by the surgical white light of the store.

A young couple around the age of me were there in their pajamas looking for birth control. Both tired and both fighting in whispers?

“Frank, I swear to god I’m gonna fuckin’ kill you”

“I know”

“I shouldn’t be here right now. I should be sleeping, knowing you are taking care of this. But here I am, in my goddamn sweats deciding on whether we can trust this off brand shit”

“I know”

For some reason he only said “I know” to everything she said. Maybe he did know, but for some reason when people say that, I never think they actually do know.

Anyway, I wasn’t there to listen to them. I went to the candy aisle and got a Kit Kat because I didn’t want the cashier to think I was there only to smoke my cigarette. I walked up the front to where the lighters were and I picked the first one I saw.

“You don’t wanna Bic?”

Damn it, I hadn’t picked a Bic. What kind of a dumbass was I? I’m trying to act normal and I don’t pick a fucking Bic?

“I had a bad experience with a Bic once. I don’t trust em.”

I don’t think he cared what I said because he put mine back and picked out a black Bic for me. He was a nice man; he wore a black Fedora. His white beard complimented his dark skin well.

“Thanks”

He didn’t smile with his lips, but his eyes told me otherwise.

I walked out of the station with a sweaty palm gripping the lighter. I shakily brought the cigarette from behind my ear and into my lips. I tried lighting it with one hand, but it was windy; I had to cup the end in order to keep the flame alive.

I’ll tell you, none of the cigarettes I’ve smoked since have been nearly as good as that one cigarette I smoked on Sunset Boulevard. None have comforted me the way that one did. It was a warm friend in a lonely night. Long after its leaves were burned into my lungs, I kept hold of the charred end.

After that, the night became foggy. My feet were in extreme pain; I had walked about five miles at that point. I remember walking through a nice neighborhood and finding a snail in the middle of the walk way. I laid down next to it and stared into it’s faceless eyes for a long time. I debated spending the night there with the snail, but decided against it. He had a journey to finish, cross to the other side of the path before the morning sun came out and the early morning joggers crushed against the cement. And I myself had a journey to finish.

I pulled out my phone to see if I was going in the right direction. It was dead. I didn’t know that was possible, I hadn’t taken it out since the beginning of the night.

I eventually stumbled upon Wilshire and knew to follow that for a while.

My feet were burning so badly, I decided to take off my shoes and socks and do the last mile barefoot. That felt better.

I walked through Westwood Village and sneaked around the homeless. I didn’t want to wake them up.

I made it up to my dorm and sneaked into my bed. My roommates were snoring.

When I was a baby, my parents put me to sleep on my back. I still go to sleep on my back.

I looked up at the ceiling thinking back to my five hour journey. A sliver of light peaked through the blinds, leaving zebra stripes on the wall. Yellow light.

I closed my eyes, smiling.

An alarm started blaring

Josh had work this morning

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symbianosgames · 7 years ago

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The futurologist Rohit Talwar has predicted that many of today's ten and eleven-year-olds will live to be 120, and that many of them may still be employed at 100. Even if Talwar's prediction is off, or if robots put us out of work long before we reach retirement age, the latest government statistics show a steady rise in the average working and retirement age. By 2022 there will be 700,000 fewer people aged 16 to 49 in the UK, but 3.7 million more people aged between 50 and state pension age.

These changes are not, however, reflected in the games industry, which is stubbornly dominated by the young. In 2016 an IGDA survey [PDF] revealed that two thirds of employees in the games industry are between the ages of 20 and 34. By stark contrast, only three and a half percent are in their fifties or over (note that the Urban Institute predicts that, by 2019, workers aged 50 or above will make up 35% of the general labor force.) "A career in video games requires an interest in video games in general, and an ability to keep up with rapidly changing technical and artistic trends," the survey's authors wrote. "It is therefore associated with a youthful work force."

In March 2015 David Mullich, a game developer who, at the time, had credits on more than sixty games, including The Prisoner, Heroes of Might and Magic 3 and Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines, and who has been active in the industry for thirty-eight years, spoke at the Game Developer's Conference in San Francisco of his struggles to find employment in the games industry in his fifties. On the day that an article was published that cited a game that Mullich worked on as being one of the top fifty titles of its generation, he recalled receiving the latest in "perhaps a hundred rejections" he'd received for game producer positions during the previous five years. During his talk, Mullich pinned these rejections on ageism, saying that he was told that he was either "too arrogant" or, if he played down his experience, "burned out."

"Someone who's 50 likely knows what a salary is supposed to be. Twenty-somethings work for pennies in the game industry."

Mullich's experience is not isolated. Mature proficiency is rarely rewarded with opportunity. Another IGDA survey, conducted in 2014, found that ageism is considered the second most prevalent form of discrimination in the video game industry, second only to sexism. Jill Miller, an HR consultant who was the seventeenth employee at Electronic Arts, argues that the careers of people over the age of fifty who work in the games industry are being "torpedoed," "first, by outright discrimination, but also by biased marginalization," whereby those hiring make arbitrary judgments about someone's ability based on the person's age and appearance.

Nevertheless, ageism rarely features in conversations about diversity in video games. Ageism did not feature, for example, in Intel's recent $300 million diversity initiative.

Some claim the difficulty that older game-makers such as Mullich encounter in finding employment is not a case of discrimination, but of economics. As one commenter in a thread on ageism in game development put it in 2012, "in some environments youth and overenthusiasm -- also known as ‘exploitablility' -- will certainly be favored." Another anonymous commenter in a separate thread on Hacker News agreed: "Hiring some one who is 50 sort of a problem. They likely know what a salary is supposed to be. 20-somethings work for pennies in the game industry."

For Raph Koster, a 45-year-old game designer and and the author of the foundational text on game design, "A Theory of Fun," it's not just a case of bald economics. "It's easy for long-term game-makers working at studios to become lost," he says. "The medium turns over really fast, so if you aren't lucky enough to get titles out at a regular clip, you get forgotten. It's not like you can be an aging movie star whose work is still shown on cable TV. The games stop being playable – especially the online ones. Even with emulation and the like, you basically rely on player memory, which is pretty short."

Raph Koster (image by Lane Hartwell)

Koster first started selling his games in Ziploc baggies to classmates at the age of fourteen. In 1995, he joined Origin at the age of 24 to work on the game that would become Ultima Online. He then joined Sony Online Entertainment as CCO. Koster never thought that he'd stay in the games industry for as long as he has, but he did perceive the issue facing nameless, faceless game-makers early into his career, and worked hard to create a public image for himself to counteract the anonymizing effects of working at a major studio.

"The nature of games is that most of the time developers are invisible. Most of the gaming public doesn't know who I am. "

"I made a point of getting press," he says. "I made a point of speaking publicly. I made a point of making connections with players. That was all a conscious effort, something that I figured out I needed to do for my career around when I was 27. Even then, though, it ends up mostly aimed at colleagues, not the public. Most of the gaming public doesn't know who I am. The nature of games is that most of the time developers are invisible. So it fades quickly… if you haven't been in the public eye, there's still a nostalgia factor you can rely on, but it gets more fickle and fades the longer you go with no new game on the shelf."

There can be a downward spiral for a game-maker who hasn't shipped any games recently, according to Koster. "Speaking at a conference like GDC gets a lot more likely if you've released a hit lately," he says. "Getting your resume looked at if you have gaps in it can be tough. I know a lot of lead designers who worked on famous titles who can't find jobs. Another huge challenge is seniority. There's a perception that young folks who will do more hours are more valuable for the dollar."

There just aren't that many creative director-level people in the entire industry. This means job openings for them are few and far between. This issue can be exacerbated when someone jumps between specialties. Koster zigzagged from MMOs to social worlds and then to Facebook games and then to consulting. "This means it can be hard to go back because of how fast everything moves," he says. "If you've been a director on a major endeavor, going back to just doing dialogue under someone else's direction isn't a direction you want to move in. But if you move to indie, you often find that you have a much smaller canvas than you are used to."

Laralyn McWilliams, a 52-year-old game designer whose credits include Full Spectrum Warrior and Free Realms, started playing adventure games in high school in the early 1980s. "We often don't do a great job of valuing experience in game development, to the detriment of our teams, companies and games," she says. "You see that across the board, from teams taking on a whole new game genre, yet not hiring anyone with genre expertise, all the way to the difficulties some folks my age have in landing a new job."

Laralyn McWilliams

She says that companies tend to lay off senior employees in favor of cheaper, more junior employees without evaluating the loss in knowledge that goes with that decision. "Similarly, a lot of companies won't even interview older candidates," she notes, "because they're perceived as ‘too expensive' or ‘out of the loop' or, even worse, simply because ‘it would be weird to have someone my dad's age reporting to me.' The only solution for that is to start placing real value on earned experience and expertise, but that's going to take work and time to accomplish."

"We need to put in the work to stay relevant, to stay knowledgeable about a wide variety of games, to stay current on tools and techniques."

Some of the responsibility, McWilliams admits, rests with the older employees. "We need to put in the work to stay relevant, to stay knowledgeable about a wide variety of games, to stay current on tools and techniques," she says. "This is an industry largely geared toward people who build things, not people who talk about building things. If you find yourself becoming more of a talk-er than a do-er as you age, you're also going to find yourself struggling to land a job."

Aside from the difficulty of finding a job in your fifties and beyond, there are numerous other challenges facing game-makers who want to maintain a long-term career in an industry notorious for causing burn out. "Letting go is always a challenge," she says. "That can mean shipping a project, killing an idea that won't work or is beyond the scope you can support, losing an argument gracefully, moving on after a project is canceled or you're laid off. These things erode your sense of creative empowerment and can be draining, especially on top of a busy work schedule that doesn't give much room for down time or reflection."

Going independent doesn't automatically solve these issues, McWilliams says. "Being your own boss only multiplies the stress and challenge. It's easy for all of this to really weigh you down, to burn you out."

It's taken years for McWilliams to learn and implement techniques to ensure mental and physical health across arduous, sometimes precarious projects. "Focus on making a great game within the time and budget you're given, and let go of how much of that game needs to come from you personally, and just focus on making it great." She also recommends finding a hobby outside of games. "When your project is frustrating, go home and work on that: no one can tell you it's wrong or force you to make changes to it. Having a side project where you can express your creativity in whatever way you want makes it easier to let go when challenges occur at work."

While Koster claims that he has developed a certain degree of cynicism, he believes that he has managed to keep from becoming disillusioned. "I feel lucky that I had some big titles early, lucky that I twigged to building a professional reputation early, lucky that I've had a diverse enough career that I can remain a marketable commodity people are willing to pay whilst moving across industries. I was damn lucky, and a lot of folks weren't."

The games industry is, Koster says, disrespectful to those who do not share his "luck", as he puts it. The quick industrialization of game making, and the way that major companies have designed contracts that funnel the majority of the rewards to their pockets has created a systemic injustice, especially toward those pioneers who are now entering late middle age. "They don't get residuals or royalties," says Koster. "The man who invented virtual worlds is a college professor. The woman who designed Centipede is too. Brian Moriarty, one of the key adventure game designers from back in the Infocom and then LucasArts days, is too. People who have blazed a trail across tabletop, digital gaming, and game design theory, like Greg Costikyan, are not exactly rolling in dough."

Koster's unconventional viewpoint is that the older creatives still making games – "the ones who end up sticking around way past their marketable date" are "in a lot of ways the actual industry." Executives come and go, he says. "The ones who are here because of the actual passion, they'll stick. The industry feeds a lot of opportunists, but they usually either flunk out or make their money and leave. What's left behind is the sorority and fraternity of those who actually give a damn about the medium."

"It has to make financial sense to continue in the industry. Royalties or residuals would be one way to help that, but it's an unlikely one."

"In the end though, it's an entertainment industry that is mostly ‘pop'… you have to pay dues, you have to stay relevant, you have to get in the public eye, and the market just isn't very merciful on either end – the public end or the hiring end. There have been a fair number of folks who simply find something else to do. I do see the older folks who now have power have a much greater awareness of the value of veterans than random execs do… they understand the value of having a twenty-year veteran on the team. But it will take a while for the industry to break the conditioning of hiring, using, and then burning out twenty-somethings, which has been the normal pattern for a long time."

To counteract this ageism, Koster suggests a major overhaul of the way in which remuneration in the industry works. "One of the biggest things has got to be financial, structural," he says. "It has to make financial sense to continue in the industry. Royalties or residuals would be one way to help that, but it's an unlikely one. I think it's to be expected that there will always be less jobs for directors than lower level jobs, so companies need to think intelligently about career paths for people as they become more senior."

Additionally, Koster believes that game companies should be more willing to allow their employees to become celebrated names, a benefit currently only conferred to a tiny minority of superstar game-makers. "Companies hate it, and in fact so do many developers because game development is a team sport, but celebritization of developers really does make a difference precisely because it confers market value," he says. "It needn't only be the director types either. There's room for guitar heroes and people who still worship the drummer in Rush, so there should be room for kickass graphics programmers and artists too."

"A lot of it boils down to respect, I guess," Koster concludes. "Respect for those whose shoulders we stand on. Whether that's in the form of reputation, finances, or creative freedom."

#IFTTT #Blogger

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dammitadolfnomorecake · 5 years ago

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🏰⚔️🐲👑 DMODT 77... update... how the fuck do I get to the end already

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dammitadolfnomorecake · 5 years ago

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👑🏰⚔️🐲DMODT 77 start update thing

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