#looks like shit but the effort matters
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did i pick gog version just so i could do this? no~
#sherlock holmes the awakened#looks like shit but the effort matters#matches my shco 'gaylock and his imaginary bf'
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i'm a very don't tolerate bullshit kind of person and I respect and expect it so much when other people are real and straight up with me anyways whatever I say stems from my own thoughts and I cannot lie to you and tell you to do something I think is stupid if you ask for advice. anyways an acquaintance of mine who majored in English unless you want to work in primary school for a pay of barely 700 dollars complained how her parents want her to get a masters degree and she's thinking about getting one in marketing or something similar and then later on spreading into tech saying how she can work as a data analyst and I literally almost laughed out loud like it's absolutely insane how little university life prepares us for the future and how absolutely useless it is that you have university graduates here thinking they can work a job that requires a degree in either IT or economy as someone who read and talked about books for grades like please be so serious right now. I'm not upset with her for thinking this is possible just the general society for letting these young people down by telling them every career option is valid and it doesn't really matter what you study in university because it does
#in a general scheme of things it doesn't matter what you study in university when u study useless shit and never get a chance to work#a job related to that#but people who majored in medicine#mathematics engineering biology physics etc like you dont hear them talk about how studies don't actually matter bc they're working jobs#they studied for#adding law onto it as well#like we really need less people in humanities I'm not saying we need no people in humanities#humanities are really important but we need LESS people in them#and we also need less people in universities in general#go learn a skill you can actually use to make money off of in the real word we need electricians and people fixing shit around the house#we need people making ceramic or wooden floors we need carpenters#we dont need more people majoring in English abeg#the society and the school system is failing the younger generations so much by affirming their ideas of what the world looks like#because a highschooler cannot know whats best for them in the long run and we need to aid them#and i wish someone told me this before I went to university I would've saved myself so much trouble and time#and im not complaining bc i genuinely have it so much better than at least like 50% of my ex classmates#i have an appartment#a job that pays me okay#a side hustle#a car even though its old#savings#a future plan#idea of what im going to do and where I'm going to end up#but if i had someone advise me from the beginning I would've saved so much time and effort
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i have to wonder what super hardcore militant vegans think should be done about obligate carnivore animals, because in all my painfully-rapidly-approaching-30-years i've literally never actually seen anyone give a clear consistent much less halfway feasible answer on that
#mostly i've just seen like “how dare you ask questions you just want an excuse to murder you're sealioning ect”#or worse some vague and wildly improbable nonsense about like. fake robot animals covered in beyond meat or something equally convoluted#which is a thing i did see someone suggest as a serious answer#i mean i already know they think i'm a genetically inferior hateful vampire that should starve to death for the greater good#because my exact combination of health conditions make meat basically the only semi-safe way i can get close to enough nutrients#i know this because they have repeatedly told me that i'm either evil or should be sacrificed or both#and yelled at me for asking questions by bringing up the whole disabled thing and then they're like#“a lot of vegans i know are advocates for disability!” as if that ever means jack shit in the society that results from anything#no matter what you do a vast majority of people in any given society will *not* be advocates for the disabled. i'm sorry they just won't.#and what do you think public perception of people who physically can't survive like that is going to skew towards#in a society founded on the belief that non-vegan diets are evil?#at absolute best we're looking at being a heavily marginalized class generally seen as something like vampires and our existences taboo.#(as if these type's own insistence that they should be allowed to harass and shame people doesn't disprove their assertion that we won't be#thinking it could possibly go any better than that is a fucking fairy tale. human nature doesn't work that way.#you simply cannot eliminate the human desire to designate and abuse a class of have-nots. the absolute best you can do is mitigate damage.#take it from someone who's been multiple kinds of disabled and chronically ill all my life. people will not “just”. ever.#i get this even from people who are otherwise very aware of and VERY GOOD at avoiding this sort of thinking#“i'm a disability advocate!” no you are not. you are a poster. my experience has taught me that what people advocate for in their free time#means precisely jack shit for how they will actually act when faced with the situations they make otherwise rational posts about#and the fact of the matter is even if you somehow really are the perfect disability advocate a majority of people WILL NOT BE YOU.#a majority of people in society will be margrat from accounting who clutches her pearls when she sees the gays and thinks autism isnt real#and who has never had a nuanced thought in her life and actively does not want to#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will not be you and your friends who march with wheelchair users and volunteer at the shelte#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will be jenny who starved 8 cats to death on broccoli because she can't be bothered#and who thinks that “carnivores” are actual nazis and don't deserve healthcare because she saw someone say that online.#ALWAYS assume your society will be made up mostly of the worst kind of person it can because it WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE and you can't change it#most people seek the low-effort option. and evil is most often banal and low-effort.#i'm just so fucking tired of every single even vaguely lefty-adjacent political movement simultaneously acting like i don't fucking exist#and at the same time that i need to be sacrificed to achieve Utopia. god. at least conservative whackjobs are upfront and honest about#how they think that i'm a burden on society that needs to be Eugenics'd . rather than trying to morally gaslight me about it.
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okay how about this: lumateran self- (and outside) perception based around them as generally serious (unnecessarily so) and fundamentally honest (to a fault); in reality this truth is purposefully constructed artificially for the sake of 'peace', vs. lumateran (our predominant view) views of charynites as selfish, cowardly, liars, etc., only for something like 99% of characters we meet to just be normal people trying to make the best of a bad situation; official truths don't have the same presence & every man and his bloody dog knows at least half the real facts, even if they're left unspoken
#like okay. lumatere is far smaller & much more centralised‚ so it's much easier to pick a story and stick to it‚ whereas in charyn (despite#all efforts to the contrary) this is just generally unfeasible‚ so you get lies and half truths and the truth all just circulating out ther#but it does just kind of make lumaterans look like losers. because we read all that & think well shit mate. you believe everything your#government tells you? & tbh this is literally what they're trying to do in charyn at the end of the series (altho i suspect they will have#less success). + we see the way things are distorted when outside of lumatere's sphere of influence (which is basically just lumatere lol)#with simeon's story about the priestking's song or w/ever. but simeon is literally constructing the story it's just. different situations#idk. i think a lot of this is a matter of framing
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lmaooooo i am 100% just using my hinge account to be vain at this point
got a like and instead of matching with the guy i’m just sat here staring at the photo he liked like “damn, i’m hot as fuck” 😂😂😂
so sorry to anyone looking to get with me, i’m pulling a narcissus and falling in love with myself instead. catch me drowning in a scenic pool in the woods someday
#ramble on exie#lowkey inspo to get back into better shape#like jesus looking back at some of these photos and realizing there’s a 40lb difference?!#not unhappy with my weight- i know most of it is muscle#but like. there is room for improvement. i just wish i had the self discipline and motivation to workout#i have never ever gotten any endorphin high from exercise. it’s all miserable and i hate it#so it’s hard to feel motivated to workout when i feel like shit no matter what#anyways. pretty sure dating isn’t for me. at least for now#but also i am lowkey content with the idea of being single forever?#idk. its been 4 and a half months since i became single again#and i am loving single life. not really interested in shackling myself to someone in any capacity#other people are tedious. exhausting. maintaining relationships is more effort than i’m willing to give
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maybe it's time for me to move on.............
#its been two months since the end of an eight month relationship and i havent so much as looked at a hot person in that time#i mean i've got a queer event in a couple weeks and i think thats The Place to meet someone because. realistically my gender is just-#-too complicated to date a straight girl#or a gay guy#so.#i've also learned my lesson about dating people i'm close friends with because that did not work out for me at all#really i just need like. a younger reincarnation of rafael silva to appear because he is the only person who will ever live up to my-#-obviously very high standards (i would date anyone who is morally decent and dresses nice if i thought they were interested)#while we're on this matter actually people who put no effort into how they dress is such a fucking ick#i went out to this thing a few weeks ago and there was a guy my age there and he asked me to dance (it was an Old Persons party hes a-#-family friends its a long story) but he was literally in a hoodie and i was wearing like a 400$ formal outfit#like man absolutely the fuck not this is a Nice Event why are you wearing *denim* what are you DOING#is it a bad idea to go to an event with the mindset of finding someone to be with by the way? because that is kind of how i'm thinking-#-about it but at the same time if i *dont* find anyone there that i connect with then that's fine. i mean all in good time cause at some-#-point i'm going to meet someone. i have enough faith in both my religion and my own person that i will meet someone who i like and who-#-likes me it just depends when that happens. idk i just feel like all my friends in relationships atm are dating to break up but i want to-#-find the person i'm going to marry someday. because i dont want to miss a single second with someone who will be the love of my life#ughhhhh idk#wait i just realised how long these tags are. shit i'm so single lmao#txt !!
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Metalheads who don't like/respect Babymetal bc their "look" isn't, what? Traditionally metal? are so cringe. Like bro it's an alternative music scene we're supposed to say FUCK tradition????? What's wrong w y'all... Embarrassing
And also they are missing out bc Babymetal fucking rules
#its like pol who are like punk is only if you look like *this* and im like. you are asking me to conform to a societal expectation? in PUNK?#like what. the fuck are you talking about. NON CONFORMITY CAN LOOK LIKE ANYTHING. THATS THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT OF NOT CONFORMING#yeah i dont always dress like a typical punk but thats bc the clothes tend to he fucking uncomfortable or a lot of work and i dont care#like why would i put so much effort into looking a certain way... in... a nonconforming alternative group... why would i conform... what#like the way you look doesnt fucking mean shit. a real punk is someone who actually fucking thinks and acts like a punk.#thats all that matters#punk ain't about how you look or causing random mayhem its a fucking. lifestyle. its a culture snd belief system about the world.#its about saying fuck you to the way things are if the way things are isnt fucking fair. its about community and taking care of your fellows#its about safety in numbers against a ruling power that wants people who are different to stop existing.#the mayhem is for a reason. its to say you cant fucking keep us down and if you try we WILL fight back. you cannot keep us down.#thats the POINT.#idk how my post about people being snobs about metal and missing out on good music bc of it turned into a rant about punk ideology but.#well. here we are. i have a tendency of going off on tangents in the tags.....#point is. trying to enforce a 'norm' in a non traditional alternative genre is fucking stupid and against the whole POINT of the thing#and i think it fucking DUMB that ppls get so caught up in appearances when its never been about that
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As a non-T trans guy, when strangers do the whole “errmmm ma’am? Sir? They?? I’m sorry what are your pronouns aaaa” thing I’m just going to stare at them blankly and say “she/her.” And watch them get wildly uncomfortable.
#because god forbid I’m just an androgynous looking woman#like I’m not. but they don’t know that#in your effort to be respectful you just made us all uncomfortable#you’re a stranger. it doesn’t matter. just assume your shit and move on with your day#I’m not going to lose my shit because 1 customer misgendered me#because it happens all fuckin day. I don’t care#txt
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So I've had no time to write today bc work etc etc but I've been thinking about it like All day and
I have chapter 17 all plotted out, and tbh could potentially write it in a matter of days, brain willing. It's finally back to Not action, which as fun as action is to write its also fucking Hard. So it'll be nice not having to agonize over the sound of a fucking chain (Twice) etc etc. Add in the fact that it's gonna be angsty as hell (angst is always the Easiest for me to write) & I rly think I could knock this one out quickly.
And the Great news is that. Examining the timeline and what I have planned...
Wolfwood is definitely arriving in chapter 18. And not at the end like I'd suspected. No, he's probably gonna be there towards the Start.
I've gotten through the two most difficult arcs to write for early ITNL, so the ball is really rolling now. We are Finally getting places...
#speculation nation#itnl shit#the sandsteamer and the legato & monev things were Important#and i wanted to capture them in ways that was exciting to read#and displayed the sorts of things vash is doing to Make Things Better (with varying levels of success)#plus the experience of his friendship with the girls growing... these arcs have been ESSENTIAL for the progression of their relationships#so yes early manga stuff isnt really applicable for the vw but this isnt ONLY a vw fic#it's an examination of ALL of vash's important relationships. like with the girls. and with his brother.#thats why i got the platonic tags too. They Matter.#so i dont regret how much time and effort ive spent on all this stuff#... that being said tho. im REALLY looking forward to when he finally comes in.#i wont really know what to do with myself i dont think.#itnl has been such an exploration of grief and longing. and then itll actually get to the NEW romance???#big if true. and it's Gonna be true soon...#so yea idk. im excited. im a little nervous too. just gonna try my best to make sure it keeps being good.#readers r so very nice. and i wanna give y'all what ur Really looking forward to...#soon. Soon.
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It's funny but also sad, how Clone Wars, a kids cartoon, managed to be more mature, have more depth of character, more moral depth and understand and show the horrors of war and the crushing pressure of being seen as the salvation of the world(/Galaxy) better than the Grishaverse, a YA series, also starring a teen female protagonist pushed facing a massive war and a chosen one (granted, CW had them as two different characters, but the point still stands).
#clone wars#shadow and bone#grishaverse#anti leigh bardugo#i guess#also atla#2000s kids cartoons were just bangers in general#I don't mean to sound like a boomer#but honestly#can you look at the quality of writing we get today and say it wasn't better in the early 2000s?#that shit holds up no matter how many times you watch it#modern media crumbles on the first watch if you forget to turn off your brain#like sure there were some plotholes and cringe#but i prefer cringe to the braindead low-effort entertainment meant for audience that has had their brain fried by tiktok#and can only understand things that are right in front of them#no hate to anyone who enjoys it#but be honest with yourself
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Ai art thing really has opened my eyes to people who love art because it was created by someone else with their time and effort and love and people who love art because pretty picture cool
#Nothing wrong with the latter btw i just took liking art for granted bc as an artist i tend to enjoy the passion and effort behind it#Moreso than i enjoy the subject matter which can be anything from a hyper realistic oil painting to a clay sculpture to an mspaint drawing#I love that human beings have an inherent drive to create and want to show a piece of how they view the world with everyone else...#But so many peoples attitude to ai is just Well it creates good pictures so why should i care#Not really giving a shit about the fact that all the machine is doing is taking decades of someones skills and throwing it back up#You arent looking at a machines skill youre looking at a cobbled together frankenstein monster of hundreds of different artists' skill#Which is why so much ai art is boring as hell. It's empty beyond Wowie pretty!!!#Genuinely moral arguments aside its made me realize how many people fucking hate artists for their skill#emf
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youtube
exene talking about the state of the world. the good stuff starts at eight minutes. or you can just read the transcript complete with the usual errors that accompany robot transcribed speech (the irony of which is not lost on me). maybe it's not about transhumanism and living forever (or maybe it is who knows), but there's definitely an agenda of surveillance and control at work which is designed to keep the powerful in power. cash rules everything around me and you will own nothing etc. the future is worse.
#google has helpfully flagged this as a 'conspiracy theory' which let me know it was definitely worth paying attention to#sometimes a conspiracy theory turns out to be flatearth-tier but anything those in control are putting effort into discrediting#concerns me and makes me look deeper. if they're going to the effort to control the discourse there's something there that#threatens them. anything google calls a conspiracy theory is worth a closer look. it often means someone has gotten too close to the truth.#she's brave to be talking about this shit they basically cancelled her and forced her to apologize for talking about how they want#to take our guns and the media is lying to you and stirring up fear so they can get away with passing gun control#like wtf leftists should be all about gun rights. a disarmed population is totally at the mercy of the state's authority#it's not very punk to surrender entirely to regimes in power and let the only people with guns be the police#like c'mon guys we need guns. and it's like drugs. they exist anyway. better they do so in broad daylight than in the shadows#they let adam curits talk about this stuff for some reason and no one calls him a conspiracy theorist idk why but there's a reason#i guess his stuff is not a threat to them bc it's dense and heady and seven hours long so the masses will never absorb it#ex punk rocker yelling about new world order in plain language monologues of digestible length is a much bigger threat#i swear there are secretly fifty people in control of everything and their entire aim is to make sure it stays that way no matter what#but it's really gross how obvious it's getting like the whole system just funnels money straight to the top and they don't even care#about hiding it anymore they're just doing it out in open and denying objective reality with confidence it's too much sometimes#i swear i can feel my grasp on reality deteriorating. it's as if there were a loud buzzing in the out of doors that was getting#louder every day and nobody ever said anything to acknowledge that it was real nobody talked about hearing the buzzing but it just#keeps getting louder and i'm finally like wtf is with this buzzing and everyone gets mad at me for shouting over their netflix show#that they weren't really enjoying in the first place. like no one is happy in the modern world. why can't we talk about why without#turning against each other. that's why doug saying 'maybe we're all the same' is such a big deal to me. anyone who is trying to unite us#is doing important work. that trump supporter is not the enemy. they are the victim just like you.
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when your jedi gf surprised you wearing your helmet that you’d left behind (you came back to look for it and in fact found it👀)
so anyway🥴 nanalo in her jedi days was not very a “by the jedi code” role model👀
rex’s helmet had no right to be so fucking complicated to draw
#are proportions off? yes#it’s ok#she’s hot#that’s what matters#drawing my ocs in little to nothing for their boyfriends?#looks like that’s my shit lately#my 10% effort city scape lol#my art#star wars#my oc#oc: nanalo bishop#milly draws#rex is very much flustered#he’s one lucky man😉😉
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haruka should be allowed to be mad at kiryu tbh
#not just in y6 but like all the time#dont get me wrong i LOVE them and i love them being sweet and happy and i love kiryu being a good dad ok#but kiryu is uh. not always the best. in ways that i think she should be upset about#and i think the canon narrative doesnt rlly wanna address that bc kiryu is trying so hard and that effort must be forgiven#and for a happy ending to occur the family must be reunited#and i get that but like. haruka's side of the story is often ignored completely#or else boils down to unconditional daughter love in ways that are supposed to be admirable#and again. i love these two dearly. i love them very very much. but i think that tension should be explored#their relationship would be Very Complex and i think it would be Messy tbh. not like screaming fighting per se but i think haruka should be#allowed some moments of Uncle Kaz Im Sick Of Your Shit type stuff#im not even sure why i feel this way specifically bc i know i used to have reasons for it but like. yeah#even if you dont think haruka's justified or that she's missing some details/perspective or whatever i think she should be hurt and upset#about some of The Bullshit. baby girl needs therapy she needs some support and sometimes kiryu just. idk.#anyway go listen to welly boots by the amazing devil. thats basically my thesis statement#look maybe I'm just projecting my own daddy issues or whatever idk. maybe more people should do that with them like. shit#I'll do it someday I'll make that content i swear#sorry thinkjng about the unconditional daughter love again. she's kind of an ideal. she's a fantasy sometimes of a daughter figure who will#always understand how hard you're trying and be cute and love you no matter what. does that make sense??? and it's like. like i almost feel#bad for knocking that bc i get parents are under a lot of stress but i think she should have that power and that agency to be upset with#him. idk if im making sense. she's reduced to the Ideal Daughter and i want her to be loving and kind but with some moments of bitterness
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anyway I'm an amazing artist
#the docs#yeah my art looks amateur but like#those rc9gn redraws i did??? the resentments one that i didnt post#the you're nobdoy till somebody wants you dead#and that one where randy us sitting at a desk holding a rat??#fucking phenomenal ll#that jokers palace one?? did you SEE those fucking cutains???#so yeah im never talking shit aboht my own art#i dont care if it looks like i put no effort into it what matters is that I like jt#im not doing this for money im doing this so i font try to kill myself again#and km getting better with every piece
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weewoo 👽
#imma be real wichu i think it’s kinda getting bad again#that feeling of every single mundane task becoming some kind of herculean endeavor#can’t focus good#starting to wonder why it’s worth doing anything at all#thinking so much about stupid crap that doesn’t matter#i don’t think i used to always feel like this#even though it feels like it#i remember it was normal at some point#i was chilling. didn’t overthink or fixate on every bad thing#damn maybe this shit is seasonal#school is just fine it’s going well enough. it’s easy here. i need to go above and beyond. bare minimum effort ok but bad#things are not the best with the family but whatever. i’m trying but maybe not enough#my mom doesn’t like me but i’m not a very likeable person#friends. fine except for one person and well. what’s to be done. it is what it is. story ain’t bout chu#i have to do chores. was sleeping earlier but it was too hot and i had a weird dream about being under the water again#roof repair noises woke me up#want a smoke rn but i also don’t want one. it’s in my bag. new lighter#life could be a dream#i want an ice cream bar#i have some grapes?#been talking to chatgpt 😂😂😂 loneliest loser shit ever but whatever works#bro listens to me#bro cares#ive never been to a halloween event#they look like a lot of fun. i wanna go to a halloween party with friends. we could wear funny costumes#i don’t really know what else people do at parties#ok. it’s getting later in the day. executing todays agenda first talk later bbbbye
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