#looking at this again and realising it’s from 2019 lol

[pinkslaystation]

Tulips or Roses?

John Price x reader

In which you find John's old diary detailing his love for you his teammate and you begin to question his love for you. Word Count: 3.6k -> blurb - rose meets tulips

Being a civilian to a soldier was hard enough.

And it was even harder when your husband was a commander for one of the most skillful task force. So it wasn't unusual for him to be gone for long periods of time.

So on a random Friday evening, anticipating his arrival in the coming week, vacuuming the floors, cleaning the windows, you found yourself at the door of John's study, with was decorated with a glass name plate, with the words 'Study' accompanied with a painted heart created from blue and pink fingerprints from you and your husband.

John was never the man to tell you off if you entered his study, instead he encouraged it. He's beckoned you to bring him his evening tea to him, to give him a massage, sometimes when you wanted him, he'd allow you to help him under the desk, if you get what I mean. (speaking from experience ;>)

As you stepped into his room, you noticed the ceilings adorned with sizable white cobwebs, cringing at the apparent neglect of his study. When was the last time someone had even been here?

Sweeping his desk, wiping away the dust, you find a box underneath beside his chair, which prompted you to lifting it up and placing on top of the desk. Man, you underestimated it's weight. You struggled to lift a small but heavy moving box, and it caused a few books and papers to fall out.

You cursed at your clumsiness, picking up the loose sheets, until you fingers caught the spine of a red vintage-like book, which had the word 'diary' written on the front. You didn't take too much notice, skimming through the pages until you caught your name being mentioned a phew times.

You giggle, it's a diary probably with John confessing his love to you numerous time! You know you probably shouldn't look through it, I mean privacy exists, but you just can't help it.

So you look through some of the infrequent entries, the oldest dating back to 10 years back, and the most recent one being nearly 4 years, when you and John had first met.

30th February 2010

Suffering in Afghanistan, the lads and I are stuck in the safe house for a week now. Rose is here too, I should ask her if she's okay.

Ahhh you remember this story. When the Task Force was stuck in the city of Kandahar, in the safe house. You also remember John's team, whom you are well-acquainted with, Soap, Ghost, Gaz, Roach, Rose?

You skip through the boring entries, most of which are just John documenting his work-out plan and the places him and his team had visited.

5th July 2016

Gaz's going on and on about his lass. Someone tell him to talk to her at least, he doesn't even know her name! I keep bringing it up but he keeps mentioning when I'll talk to Rose.

You chuckled, assuming the chick was Gaz's current wife. But the last part caught your attention, Rose again? You remember John telling you that she'd retired, went back north to settle with her family now, so you don't think much of it, I mean they are team mates.

19th June 2017

Saw a cute kid and her mama, wishing I had kids, without this lifestyle. Rose wants a son but I don't particularly mind. Soap overheard our conversation and spammed me lols on Whatsapp, but I thought lol meant little old lady? I am a man though.

You raise your eyebrow at another mention of Rose, why doesn't he care if Rose wanted a son? You didn't realise how close your husband was to her.

2nd December 2018

Christmas this month with my boys. Rose invited me over for a smoke. Ghost rolls his eyes when I mentioned it to him, says I need to man up and make a move.

You squinted your eyes, rereading the entry, and hesitantly skipping to the next one.

7th April 2019

Drinks with my men (and Rose haha, she doesn't like being part of the men). It's her birthday and she wants to tell us something. She's got her red lips again. I'm excited, Soap kept nudging me the entire ride, that cheeky bugger.

Then immediately below it, an update: She's seeing someone.

You're slowly piecing the puzzle, though you don't want to assume anything.

21st August 2019

She came into my room crying, seems like it's not going well, good for me. I hope she's okay and she realises there's better fish in the sea. She hugged me, she smells like roses, I love floral scents. I tried leaning in, she says I'm like an older brother to her.

Your heart breaks a bit, sniffing at your freshly washed hair, which smelt like ... like roses.

You thought floral scents were YOUR thing.

You continued, to the next entry which was marked the date you remember meeting John for the first time at the pub. You force a smile, hoping the entry would lighten your mood.

30th November 2020

In the pub and bored. Rose brought her lad... they're back together. What does she see in him? Soap urges me to find someone else but my heart is set on someone, for a long time. Won't change. He keeps gesturing to a girl on the other end of the counter, she's pretty, but like a tulip. Not like a rose. Not like my Rose.

You grip at the notebook and you try your hardest not to rip the papers out of the book and set his entire study on fire.

You remember this day, when you were dragged to the pub by your friends after being dumped by your ex for another girl. You sat at one end of the counter, with tears in your eyes but one look at that buff Englishman on the other end and your mood flipped instantaneously, 180 degrees.

"Kelsey, look at that guy, Mr Army over there." You beckon towards John's direction, to your friend., slightly tipsy after a peg of beer.

Your friend looks at you with a raised eyebrow, then turns to the guy whose piqued your interest, "You should go for it." She encourages you.

So you get yourself 2 drinks and approach the guy, more confident that usual due to your alcoholic state. A beer would do.

"Hi, this seat empty?" You smile at him innocently.

All this time you had recalled a look of fondness towards you, when he'd first locked eyes with you. You remember bragging about how it had been love at first sight for the both of you, but thinking back, a feeling of doubt starts bubbling inside you.

"It's reserve- you know what. Take a seat."

You remember sitting next to him, passing him a drink, and telling him your name, "...and you are?" you question, although you see him wincing. At first you thought it was just an army thing, so guarded that even the slightest of movements would make him twitch.

But now you're questioning whether he really wanted to engage into a conversation with you.

The following hours, as you painfully recall, was filled with you talking about yourself and occasionally asking him after his life, though he gives you one word answers and frequent nods.

But that was just because he'd just come home from a mission right?

"...and he just broke up with me out of the blue! Like was my 12,000 followers on TikTok not good enough for you?" You chuckle, attempting to crack a joke. He smiles confused, and you note he's probably too old to understand what TikTok was.

"Sounds like an asshole, love." He replies.

"Hmm, he was...I- I just don't know what he'd leave me for her...like I gave you my everything, I was always with you through thick and thin and what, that wasn't enough for you?" You trail off, the effects of the 2nd beer hitting you.

"I understand dove, you just give 'em everything and they just find someone else. What does he have that I don't?" He spaces out, his eyes falling on his teammates sitting at a different table. You follow his gaze, smiling slightly when you lock eyes with one of his smirking subordinates, whom you know know as Soap.

"Those people, they're your team?" You question.

His eyes aren't on you though as he responds, "That mohawk, that's Soap, Ghost next to him, tough as steel but soft at heart, Gaz on the opposite, funny lad, Roach, good ol' Roach..."

You look at the woman to the right of 'Roach', taking in her beauty. Though she's sitting down, you can tell she's taller that you by least 4 inches, with a blonde pixie haircut and painted with a dark smokey eye. A deep smirk is plastered onto her plump ruby red lips as she looks at John Price finally talking to a woman that isn't her. She raises a hand, waving to the both of you, which is almost instantaneously reciprocated by John.

"And her?" You ask, head nudging towards the woman.

"Her...That's Rose. You should meet her, you would like her, but who doesn't..." His chuckle fades out and you at how his attention was fully directed to her. A sinking feeling told you that you should have backed off from the married man, but it disappeared when John pointed out her partner, with gritted teeth.

Your hands are gripping the pages at this point, as you recall memories from the diary from his point of view.

You turn the page to the next entry, dreading the words.

19th December 2020

Thought me and Rose would go back to the pub for another drink for the holidays, but she's going back to his place. Seems they're taking the next steps with meeting the families.

Soap's annoyed at how I'm 'ghosting' the girl I met at the pub, I'm once again unfamiliar with the lingo, I'm not Simon?? She's nice but, not sure I see anything further than a friendship. Gaz and him are picking out an outfit for me, she wants to meet up for bowling apparently. I just want to be with Rose...

Clenching your fist, you shut the diary and toss it aside, feeling all kinds of emotions. Upset that John had never truly looked at you the way you'd looked at him. The way he never wanted you, like you wanted him.

Every time you'd seen him online on Whatsapp, but still hadn't opened your messages, he was ghosting you? Sure after a while of being friends, his behaviour gradually changed, accompanied with rapid texts, but you felt like this relationship was built on lies.

Did he even want to go bowling with you that day? Did you win because he purposely let you, because he was bored and wanted to go home, be with Rose instead? When he asked you to be his girlfriend, did he ask you with Rose in mind?

The ding of the oven stopped your trail of thoughts, so many questions swirling around your head. You walk out of the study, slamming the door behind you, the combined mess of dust and cobwebs remaining untouched.

The glass name plate falls to the ground, the edge shattering, with shards of clear glass laying dangerously on the wooden floor.

A couple of hours go by and the doorknob rattles at 8:45 P.M. on the dot. John was never late when he had to come home to you.

He reaches base at 7:30, drives exacting an hour to your shared home, after making a quick pit stop at the florists within 10 minutes to give you a freshly scented bouquet of red roses.

Roses. So that's why he'd give them you every time...

He makes sure to leave him 5 minutes of spare time, which was designated to flipping open a small metal notebook you'd gifted him, and writing his thoughts down. And once those 5 minutes were up, he places the notepad back into his jacket pocket and practically runs towards the front door.

"Dove, I'm home!" He exclaimed, gently placing his belonging on the floor, before walking into the living floor, where you sat on the sofa with your legs and arms crossed. (MY BITCH POSE IS NASTY)

"Sweetheart, you didn't run up to me at the door, you alright love?" He sits next to you, his calloused and freshly bruised arms rubbing your knee.

The silence was deafening and you couldn't find it in yourself to look at him after all you've read.

He takes it as a cue to continue, "I got you some roses, baby. Your favourite-"

"When did I say they were my favourite?"

John blinks at the interruption, "I mean, you don't like them? It's tradition to bring the same red roses for you every time I'm back..."

"And when did I say I liked them? Are they my favourite? Or are they her favourite?" You shift towards him, anger evident in your voice.

"Her? Who? Sweetheart, what's going on?"

"I mean, come on man, you like floral shit that much that now you're making me wear it?"

"You...don't like floral scents? Did you want tulips instead, baby?"

Your eyebrows are furrowed in annoyance by his confusion.

"It doesn't matter if I wanted tulips, John, it's the fact that YOU like roses. In fact you've like Roses this entire time! Don't act like you like tulips 'cos you don't- to be honest I don't think you ever have!" You rant, handing running through your hair.

"I mean I like both honey, roses are just, um, prettier?" He sounds like he's asking you rather than telling you.

"Of course roses are prettier to you- that's all that you're fucking used to you. It's always roses, roses, roses. You're so obsessed with fucking roses, you never gave tulips a bloody chance!"

"Are we still talking about flowers-"

"And when you do give tulips a chance, you're still thinking about roses- how red they are, how pretty they are, how they need to be watered every 5 fucking minutes, even then there's already someone to water those damn. Red. Roses."

"I- I mean I like tulips too, baby-"

"No. You don't. No, you don't. Tulips are just the safest options for you, cos someone already plucked out those fucking roses. Cos roses don't want you."

You're standing up now, and John's attempts to speak are futile with every sentence you shout.

"No. In fact, roses has never wanted you, roses look better with someone else, and ol' poor John has no more roses, so he goes and waters some unwanted tulips instead!"

John stands up, towering over your shaking frame, his hands come up to stroke your biceps, but he's pushed away.

"I mean, did John ever even like tulips? Or was he faking it cos he never got roses? Was tulips just the safe option? Does John still want roses after all the years tulips have been there for him?"

You left out a pained cry, you didn't even notice the tears leaking out of your eyes.

"Does John even like tulips? Does John even love tulips?"

His hands wipe your tears away, and he brings you into his chest, and you don't attempt to push him away this time.

"Does you even love me, John?" You break down into his arms, letting him carrying you into the bedroom, where he places you gently on the bed, while you hiccup through your uneven sobs. He smells the stench of wine through your shaking breath, whilst stroking your hair, and you slowly fall into a deep slumber with your head pressed against his still uniform-clad chest.

The clock hits midnight and John gets up, trying not to wake you up, grabbing his sweats from the drawer and walking to the bathroom across the hall, in order to not wake you up, from what looked like a well-needed rest.

As he trudges out of the bedroom and through the corridor, the reflection of the broken glass catches his eyes and he squints in the darkness, squatting down to pick a small shard. As he lifts the remains of the nameplate, hooking it back to the door, he steps over the mess into the study to retrieve a dust pan and brush.

Flicking the lights on, he's met with what looks like a scene from the reality TV show - Hoarders. So starts cleaning quickly, picking up the duster and bunching up the paperwork from the floor, the pot of pens that had seemed to be knocked down, the diary he'd used to write in...hold on-

Picking up the diary, John flicks through the entries, the book naturally opening to the last open slide.

He begins reading the last entry.

19th December 2020

Thought me and Rose would go back to the pub for another drink for the holidays, but she's going back to his place. Seems they're taking the next steps with meeting the families.

Soap's annoyed at how I'm 'ghosting' the girl I met at the pub....

"Oh...my tulip, I've never loved roses as much as I loved you." He mumbles to himself, whilst simultaneously cringing at his previously written words, immediately throwing the book back on the floor.

It's past breakfast when you wake up, throat and eyes painfully dry from last night's crying session, forcing yourself to drag yourself to the bathroom. You've forgotten that John had come home last night, as your met with a familiar empty bed.

After brushing your teeth and washing your face, you walk downstairs, being face to face with the naked back of Captain John Price.

The smell of chocolate pancakes waft towards your nose, as you look around the kitchen, the room garnished with a variety of different flowered bouquets, with so many variations of plants.

Bundles of dahlias and lotuses, orchids and lilies, carnations and irises, roses and tulips.

John turns to your footsteps, smiling at his perfect woman.

"Baby, good mornin'" He greets you, placing a single rose into your hair, and pecking your forehead warmly.

"John, listen about last night-"

"It was the old diary, wasn't it?" he asks.

You nod, ashamed for your abrupt behaviour yesterday. John lifts your chin up, resting his forehead against yours.

"Rose never taught me how to love like you did."

"John, you don-" His pointer finger is pressed against your lips.

"Reading those words from the past, I can see how it may have painted a different picture of my feelings. But let me assure you, my love, that you are the one I adore with all my heart."

Your stroke his face, heart warming to his words.

"Every rose I brought home was a symbol of my love for you, not because it was her favorite, but because it reminded me of the beauty and grace that you bring into my life. And those tulips, they represent the new beginnings and the fresh start that we share together.

My love for you is unwavering and unconditional. You are my tulip, my true love, and I vow to cherish and adore you for all eternity. Please forgive me for any pain or doubt my past words may have caused."

"John..."

He hands you his notepad from from his back pocket, beckoning you to open it.

You look at the first entry.

19th February 2021

I mentioned how I journal sometimes to her, and she bought me a new notepad, it's cute how she calls it a diary. Things are looking good. Bowling's our thing, I let her win because seeing her smile means I've won too. I'm asking her out tonight, Soap cried real tears when I told him.

You turn the page.

20th July 2021

Our 6 month anniversary. Took her to a field of roses and tulips, though nothing compares to her beauty.

The next one.

17th September 2021

I seldom think of Rose, I have my tulip on my mind now. Rose retired, and the team celebrated last night. She hugged me and thanked me for being a good captain. She also acknowledged my previous feelings for her. Man that was uncomfortable, but I reassured her I'm with my tulip now. I love my tulip.

I've always preferred tulips anyway.

And the next.

5th July 2022

Our 500 day anniversary. I want to propose.

17th September 2022

She said yes!! She may be my fiance, but I've already started calling her my wife, not legally yet at least...illegally?

28rd December 2023

We married 30th November. The day we met. Xmas was amazing, I can't see myself with anyone but her. I'm getting deployed tomorrow though.

You look at the most recent entry, dated last night.

16th February 2024

Missed the valentines day with my missus. Hope these roses are enough, though I wanted to get something better. Tulips for my tulip. They ran out haha. Missed my girl, missed her like I've never missed someone before. Soap's right, deployment suck.

Tears welled up in your eyes, not from pain or doubt this time, but from overwhelming joy and love for the man standing before you.

"I'm sorry, John," you whispered, your voice choked with emotion. "I didn't mean to doubt your love."

He smiled, a genuine and heartfelt smile that reached his eyes, pulling you into a warm embrace. "No need for apologies, my tulip. Thank you for teaching me how to love."

And in that moment, amidst the scent of chocolate pancakes and fresh flowers, it felt like you love story was just beginning, filled with trust, forgiveness, and a deep, unwavering love for each other.

That should not have taken me 2 days to complete what in the world. Also if i was tulip, that old diary is going straight into a fire! Barbecue anyone? <3 Quick Notes: I head-cannoned Rose to look like Sergeant Calhoun from Fix-it-Felix lolololol woman crush fr i get u john boy I've decided to start a tag list! -> lemme know you're interested to be tagged in my future posts! tags -> @lilliumrorum

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi Steph ! I do realise you get an enormous amount of requests, but I hope you'll find time to answer mine. I hope this hasn't been answered before ?

What are, in your opinion, the most in-character, and BBC accurate Johnlock fanfics you've ever read ?

I'm currently looking for something very canon-compliant, and I'm having a bit of trouble. Any length and rating will do !

Thank you for everything you do ! Your work for the Sherlock (especially johnlock/TJLC) has always been quite remarkable :)

Excellent day to you !

-Mea

Hi Lovely!

Thank you for your kind words, it's much appreciated!!!

As for in-character fics, I should state here that "in-character" is subjective to each individual, so my idea of "in-character" will be different from other people's!

That said, any of my fic recs on any of my Fic Rec Lists that aren't appended with MFL (because I haven't read them) could be considered what I call in-character, LOL. BUT if you want some of my faves, these will be the ones to start with:

I-J’s Last 50 Bookmarked Fics (June 2017)

Last 17 Bookmarked Fics (July 2017) 

Last 30 Bookmarked Fics (November 2017)

Last 86 Bookmarked Fics (Jan 2019) || [MOBILE]

Top 20 Fave 40K+ w. Fics (April 2017)

Ten Fave Short Johnlock Fics (Easy Reads April 2018)

25 Fave Johnlock One Shots (April 2018)

Top 10 Fave Fics (September 2018)

Top 20 Bookmarks of 2018 (March 2019)

Another Top 10 Fave Fics (June 2019)

Top 30 Read-Again Fics (March 2019)

Top 30 Read-Again Fics Pt. 2 (Sept. 2019)

Fave Read-Again Fics (10) (Dec 11/20)

Top 25 Fave Non-Ao3 Fics (Nov. 2019)

Top 25 Fave Non-Ao3 Fics Pt 2 (Apr 2022)

Top 25 Fave Non-AO3 Fics Pt 3 (May 2023)

Top 25 Bookmarks of 2019 (Dec. 29/2019)

Top 30 Bookmarks of 2020

Top 25 Bookmarks of 2021

Top 20 Bookmarks of 2022

Top 35 Bookmarks of 2023

Top 20 Comfort Fics (Feb 2022)

Top 30 Fave Angst Fics Under 10K

25 Fics for Fic Rec Bingo

10 Current Fave Multi-Fandom Fics (June 2023)

Alternate First Meetings (Canon-Feeling)

Sorry I can't be more specific, but I genuinely would be listing dozens of fics for you, LOL.

Let me know if there's anything else I can help you with, and again, I hope you enjoy your time here!!! *HUGS*

[toomuchracket]

birthday party!matty and reader at a festival. there was a little mention of it in the very first fic for them, and I can’t stop thinking about it! like being all muddy and readers hair is wet through and they’re all giggly and a bit drunk and a bit delusional from tiredness and dancing in the rain and mud. like the thought of that!! keeps me up!! at night!!

glastonbury 2019 popped into my head immediately and like... yes to all of this. matty somehow manages to get complimentary tickets for the entire friend group AND organise accommodation so you don't have to camp, and you all get a bus there together - he sits next to you, and doesn't really leave your side from that point on. like, you're sharing a room (not a bed, though. sad) and everything lmao. he holds your hand in the crowds so you don't get lost, and he isn't quick to let go of it when he has to, but neither of you mind. the whole weekend is a lot of fun, laughing and dancing and drinking and watching history be made in real time during stormzy's set, and scream-singing along to the killers completely hammered on pints lol, but the best (and most heart-wrenching) moment is during the cure, the final set of the weekend; pictures of you is the second song they play, and matty's tipsy (so are you) and clinging onto you so tightly and you don't know if it's the alcohol or the tiredness or just HIM but somehow you end up singing it to each other and looking into each other's eyes and smiling and yep ok you're done for. nobody else is ever gonna do it for you ever again. and you could kiss each other, it's a romantic enough setting, and you should probably kiss each other, but... your friends are just as drunk as you are, and the moment is ruined by one of them tripping and face-planting into mud right next to you. and it's never quite the same after that - you still dance with matty during just like heaven, but there's a tentative air to it, as if you've both realised what's really going on and both of you are too nervous to be the one to address it. but he's still so sweet, and it's one of the best weekends of your life (and pictures of you is on the playlist for your wedding, when it happens. obv) <3

[randomnameless]

Everytime I see your Pat lolcalization posts, I can't help but think if this is him overcompensating for voicing the character of n*zi germany in the first seasons of the hetalia anime.

I can't say and I'd rather not say anything about Pat's intent or own agenda or whatever -

But the interesting "lolcalisation changes" and direction give to VAs really seem to favour a certain reading of the events happening in FE16 and to this day, I still can't understand how that managed to be released without getting at least some flak.

Sure Fates' lolcalisation is a tough nut to beat and nothing comes quite close to what happened to Fates to FE16/Nopes, and yet I wish I am joking when I say nearly 80% of the lines involving Supreme Leader and/or Rhea/the CoS should be double checked, because "Dany expy bringing a revolution" has to fit in the story that is FE16, and that's talking about the washed down version of Dany some people have and not the one who uses violence for the greater good, until she starts to realise that the "greater good" is as solid as smoke and runs away from the - well-intentioned ! - mess she created.

Again, I don't think anything was malicious with the lolcalisation Fodlan got, is it just a case of misunderstanding the game and slapping archetypes and "trendy notions" to make this "strange" game sell like hotcakes in your home market?

Or is it another case of "think of the children Susan" where Susan sure as hell can't endorse a character presented as the heroine sprout disgusting things and advocate for imperialism 101 so the heroine is now rewritten?

Or is it the lolcalisation team - after looking at the jp script - try to make the general idea of "you must feel bad for this character" somehow work, because they thought no one would seriously want to walk with her and feel any sort of sad uwus for the "you have pointy ears, you cannot rule over humans" red emperor? So they modified the script and directed the VA accordingly ?

IDK, but I think if you've been long enough on this blog you know my stance on localisation and lolcalisation but this discrepency between the two versions (or at least two audios) really took me by surprise when the game was released in 2019 lol

[fainthedcherry]

2024 Human Art VS 2019 Human Art !!!!!

AS PROMISED, HERE'S A POST WITH SOME NEW ART!!!

And also an art comparison, just to see, how much I improved in drawing the 2 bois <3

I'm MEGA tired despite having slept after work, but I WON'T let that deter me from writing a description!! YAPNADO AHEAD;

FINN AND MARCOOO. FINNANMARCO. BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE ACOUSTICALLY AND FERALLY YELLED ABOUT MY 2 FICTIONAL MEN WHOM ARE CLOSE TO MY HEART.

I'm SO glad, that in the new drawing, Marco finally looks like the twink he always was, but still enough meat on the bones to look NORMAL lmao, can't say that about the 4 other sketches of me trying to redraw this ref for years. xD (why yes, his wings took forever, why do you ask? /lh)

I'M MEGA SUPER DUPER GLAD, that Finn FINALLY looks like a chubby, wild bastard TOO, OH TOOTHPASTE MAN, HOW MANY HEARTACHES YOU GAVE ME OVER STRUGGLING TO DRAW AN ENDOMORPHIC BODY TYPE. BUT I CAN NOWWWWWWWwwww!!!!!

God this habit of loudly reading out my posts as I type them made me realise what a bad Schwarzenegger impression I do on accident bc I'm overly excited to post something after a month of silence SDKFSKLDG

ONE THING I ALWAYS WANTED TO DO. IS PUT EVERY DETAIL I NEEDED ON A BIG REF. SO I DID! I've drawn closeups of the boys's eyes, I've drawn Finn's tongue so that I don't need to constantly remind myself what his blush and flesh colours were sdfkldsgkl, I FINALLY denoted their heights, so people know that they're tall TALL dudes (and that Finn obviously will struggle w/ his lanky mfing legs, we LOVE giving a middle-aged man heart attacks once he reaches his 40's!!!)

ANNDDD ALSO SOME SIDE VIEWS OF THEM. The last side-view I had of F & M, looked REAL bad. Like, Marco's face looked WAY too stereotypically European (to my fault bc surprise surprise not many African people live in Europe so I had poor frame of reference but I've been fixing it via looking up images online instead, at least it helps but yeah, I have a hard time so far unfortunately💀), Finn's was just... B u c k e t. NOT LIKE HANDSOME BUCKET. BUT JUST BUCKET. IT NEEDED FIXING (fun fact I accidentally made Finn have the most attractive jaw shape for men according to beauty standards and I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I JUST WANTED THIS MAN TO LOOK S Q U A R E AND THAT'S IT, MINECRAFT STEVE HAS MORE RIZZ THAN MOST MEN OFFICIALLY).

OH YEAH ALSO A CLAW REF AGAIN FOR FINN!!! His old ref looks too cool for me to give up on it tbh even as dated as it is sfjklsdglk, BUT I felt like I needed to redraw them properly.

FUNNILY ENOUGH A PERSON I COMMISSIONED SAID I HAVE SOME REALLY CLEAN AND NICE LINEART. I wish I heard that 5 years ago when I was really insecure about my bad lineart skills xD, I don't use lineart anymore nowadays outside of reference-drawings like these I don't plan to redraw in the next years unless necessary soooo yeah! They're gonna appear much rarer unless I go off and about making more ref sheets of all of my Sonc OC's sfklsdgsdfksdg

This drawing took 5 days to make btw. Not the hours spent on this LOL. 5 days of my life I'll never get back tho bc I care too much about my babies and I feel they deserve proper refs sdfklsdglk

WHAT ELSE SHOULD I MENTION.....HOPEFULLY I PLAN TO DRAW MORE HUMAN REFS IN THE FUTURE INSTEAD OF STAY IN MY COMFORT ZONE OF SONIC OCS ONLY. I for years wasn't confident in my ability to draw humans, but I can do so NOW at least!!!!!!!!!! Even if I'm like...3 years too late to how I wish my art looked back then already dsklfdsg, I have some high standards I need to continue to knock down as my 2024 resolution sdfklsdg

^IT'S BEEN WORKING THOUGH AS YOU CAN TELL BC I'VE BEEN UPLOADING SOME BAD DOODLES AND SKETCHES, BEEN DRAWING MORE GARBAGE AND BECAME MORE INVOLVED IN MY BELOVED FANDOMS. I wanna continue doing so! It was the most fun I've had with art ever. I hope to properly meet more fandoms I left in the past bc I thought it'd be embarrassing to share my passion for a franchise back then. I EMBRACE THE CRINGE NOW AS AN ADULT AT LEAST EVEN IF 7 YEARS TOO LATE ON THAT FRONT TOO. We all age and mature ig but I just become more silly year by year,,, c:

Oh yeah if you also see this btw lemme know, whether the new watermark tiles are subtle enough to not be noticed!!!! I know, watermarks are annoying and nobody likes them, but ever since AI invasions, I REFUSE to put my work online without ANY form of proof that somebody took it from my page. I just want people to stop lying on the internet for cloud and pick up a pencil. It's not that hard smfh. The only time I could excuse AI art is w/ amputees man. That's the only time I could empathise with someone, who wants to be an artist but LITERALLY can't bc they got dealt a bad hand in life. I digress my AI hate can be rambled about some other day, I know I love yapping and writing essays about THAT topic for sure sfklsdklg

I chose to post this ref to my Tumblr first tho, bc I still wanna work on my drawing of Abbacchio,,,, he is quite dear to me and I'd love to put effort into a doodle of him that won't take too long. Like 4 hours or 5 hours tops. I still have yet to figure out, if his cute star shape on his head is a hat or part of his hair. Bc I CAN'T TELL TBH AND I'VE BEEN DRAWING IT AS PART OF HIS HAIR PATTERN BUT I THINK IT'S A HAT NOW EVER SINCE I LOOKED AT MORE ASBR CAPS OF HIM I TOOK FOR REFERENCES. xD

Also another side-note, but I've ofc reduced down the lankiness of the dudes I draw™, but I in result wanted to sliiightly make larger feet/hands bc my Sonic phase will continue to possess me 'til the end of time /hj, if you also wanna lemme know what you think on that, bls do! I am messing about with stylization still. I am finding my footing with stylizing humans sOOO yeah!!!! I hope to some day be satisfied with my artstyle change of '24! So far it's been really rewarding and eye-opening to me and my journey as an artist for my 7 years of existing on the 'net w/ my silly goobers I like to scream about to in the void <3

Once again, tagnado also incoming below bc I dunno how to properly tag my art so lemme throw in things I THINK are relevant to this post sdkldsgkl

See you hopefully tomorrow w/ a lil doodle dump if I get around to it!!!! : D

[melishade]

hello melishade!!!!!! this is an ask I've been long overdue for sending (in fact, almost a decade AHAHA) but I think it's high time I did.

I don't think you realise it, but attack on prime was actually my introduction to AOT and anime, and one of the first fanfics I ever read in general. I was a very awkward kid with a lot of things going on, and I remember reading it for the first time on ff.net around. ten years ago give or take? and being utterly fascinated with how you portrayed OP interacting with the world around him in a way that was so endearing and true to his character— to this day, I still remember this one scene where he comforted levi after the death of his squad. I don't joke when I say your fic actually formed a core part of my developing years— it introduced me to the idea of fanfiction, and seeing your work made me think "hey, I want to do that someday!"

but then one day I went to check on it for updates, and then it was gone 😭 I didn't have a ff.net acc back then so I never got any notifs, and needless to say I was utterly devastated. I spent years looking for it but eventually gave up hope— but! I still carried that wish with me, the one that wanted to become a writer. as said previously I got more into anime bc of attack on prime, and from there I got into video games, and well TLDR basically a massive part of my career is because I opened ff.net that day. so I gotta thank you for essentially setting me on the path to my current career HAHAHA

it was only this year that I got back into TF again and decided to try looking for it again on a whim, and you would not BELIEVE the amount of screaming I did (and bothering my entire family) when I finally found it. your writing was already peak to me when I read it ages ago, but now it's become so much more polished and refined and it's truly amazing that I got to witness such development firsthand. in the time I spent away from the TF fandom and ALSO hunting for this fic, I grew up, started writing fic and being more active in fandom, got a job that I love, and I couldn't ask for more. I can't imagine how different my life would be if you didn't think up of a fun crossover between TFP and an anime you liked.

this is a rather long message, but thank you for not giving up on this fic. I don't think you realise how important a story can be to a reader like me :D I've got a lot of updates to catch up to, but I'm looking forward to it!

Oh wow anon, you are an old old fan. Lol.

Well I'm happy to hear that you were introduced to AOT and anime through my work and the praise for improving my work.

And yeah, sorry I dipped back in 2019. I had a lot of shit going on around that time. I wasn't sure if I was going to come back to it. Also, I'm surprised that you were actively hunting for it. I guess that's commitment!

I'm glad I was able to make you happy with just coming back, and I'm glad you've been able to enjoy my work again. Although, depending on where you're at you have a huge storm coming lol. But other than that it feels good to be appreciated.

[yuzukahibiscus]

Yuzuka Rei: In her heart, a blue flame is ablaze.

She captivates the attention in the moments when she’s on stage, with a balanced body proportion. In the depths of her eyes radiate ever brilliant rays, the Top Star has a passion for the stage coupled with a profound love for the troupe.

Yuzuka Rei-san became the Flower Troupe Top Star in November 2019. Ever since the Grand Theatre debut performance, performances were often impacted and inflicted by the corona pandemic.

“The different feeling was I watched the news more than I used to before…Compared to that time, we’re in a world now where you’d have an awareness realising what’s going on, how we’re supported by many people and I wonder how I was blessed in this environment to continue pursue in performing arts. And also, in the midst of various situations, the importance of the audience coming to the theatre became ever stronger for me as the days passed. When there were some difficult times that things couldn’t go well as planned, the words and thoughts of the people were a salvation to me, and they left a strong impression in my heart.

This is why her speeches for the first day (Shonichi) and last day (Senshuuraku) of every performance became ever more in-depth, and you can feel that she’s someone that’s you can rely on. With what she conveys, she gives a small smile saying, “That is just my reply to the words of the audience. That’s only what I received from all the support of the audience”.

“Usually this is a great troupe of 80 people. In this life of pursuing the arts, it is quite difficult to nurture every single bond. But apart from standing on stage, I also made firm use of the time to interact with every one even to the Flower Troupe underclassmen. From understanding their different personalities, charms and values, my ideal is to hone every one of these members’ charms and mentality, and we can work together well. No matter if it’s for the underclassmen, I hope that every one of them actually feel that they have their place here so their presence is necessary, and create that great motivation. To do that, a trustworthy relationship is indispensable and I believe that this can be connected with the charm of the production.”

From Yuzuka-san’s sophisticated vibe and beauty, she has a radiating star aura and her relaxed performance in beautiful dancing, making her someone prominent from early on. But there was a time when she wasn’t confident in herself.

“I did have “my aspiration”… but then I felt that I couldn’t accept myself for not reaching a certain point and I wasn’t confident. Overcoming that is a challenge I set for myself, that I want to defeat little by little the places that I didn’t like in myself. If I could breakthrough a little more, if I could work hard a little more…I realised that that’s what I emphasised on doing.”

Calm and resilient. That’s why she has this sincerity for standing on stage.

“From when I was young, I’ve been someone that’s hard on myself (LOL). I’m the type that laughs when I talk to people, but refresh my mindset again when I look upon myself.”

We also asked about the charm of her indescribable relaxed poise and sexiness on stage. Perhaps because she’s a dancer by nature, she has a beautiful and comfortable rhythm seen in her acting and casual gestures. When the audience are immersed into the music tones and the tones change suddenly, the audience would be fascinated.

“I don’t know if I could say I was aware to that. It’s not just the music, but it’s also about breathing with my partner, or counting the beats and rhythm in my heart. It doesn’t matter if the audience breathes in that vibe are different, or when I feel surprised or excited. Even the whole atmosphere of the theatre and its speed… I realise there are some parts where I unconsciously felt myself (channeling the charm), for example"this scene is where I should be sexy” so I’d intentionally release that vibe. But rather than always thinking about it, sometimes I feel like I present (the charm) by catching the vibe of that moment.”

She starts 2023 by acting in the Takarazuka classic “MAYERLING” and playing as the protagonist,  Austria Crown Prince Rudolf, as well as performing in the show “ENCHANTEMENT – A Luxurious Perfume”.

“When I played Rudolf during the role swap in the production “Elisabeth – The Rondo of Love and Death”, I started becoming intrigued by Rudolf because I read a book related to him. But at that time I was so desperate to play him, so I wasn’t able to dig deep into this character. He’s someone that existed, so I would like to approach this character delicately this time. About the show, encountering any scene is purely excitement. I also aim to simply skill-up. As a person and in terms of technicality. I hope to train and practise more about that.”

Yuzuka Rei ・ Born in Tokyo. Entered Takarazuka Revue in 2009, assigned to Flower Troupe. Starting with “Last Tycoon”, she performed as the main role of 3 newcomers’ performances, and became more popular by playing important roles even from early on in grand theatre performances. Became the Top Star in 2019.

[waitmyturtles]

I was reading your meta posts on how you're watching older thai bls to get an understanding of where they come from and looking at the works you've seen and yet to see, it makes me really see that somehow i managed to be there for the start and kinda rise of thai bl dramas, where we used to get (1) bl a year, skip seeing a lot of the growing pains drama live and now am back to bls when they're doing some of their best works and also so much quantity in bls to choose from and also finally start getting gls???

Like when you're like oh how it must have been to watch these dramas in 2016, I'm like not 2016, but 2017, but I WAS THERE with regards to sotus and sotus s.

And gods was i OBSESSED WITH KONGART at the time. And i personally think that sotus wouldn't be as fondly remembered for me personally, if sotus s didn't exist. Because for me, i really liked sotus s more and it's still the part (along with the our skyy ep) I've rewatched more over the actual SOTUS drama. That's also probably because i love seeing more established relationship in dramas lol

And while i can't comment on krust acting because it HAS been quite a while since i last rewatched sotus or sotus s, I'd say with regards to arthit, i like him a lot better in sotus s than in sotus. Do with that what you will lol

And i think it's a large part of how it was my first thai bl and the nostalgia of it is part of why i still look back on it fondly despite all the problems i can see in it now, looking back. Same with petekao in dark blue kiss and love me again.

Like when i came back to watching bls in 2022 (after a lengthy break of not watching them 2019-22) you what blew my mind the most? Not the quality of bls because that, i realised, AFTER i watched the shows. But the SHEER QUANTITY of them.

Like if you told the me that was watching sotus that something as awesome as February of this year where i had quality ongoing bl dramas to watch from MONDAY TO SATURDAY I'd be like don't be delusional that wouldn't happen EVER.

Oh how i love to be proven wrong and i see I'm yet again going off on an unrelated tangent.

I think that's part why ppl who started watching bls with 2gether look back at it so fondly despite i personally finding it a good bl but not worth rewatching.

Because that 1st bl nostalgia is a heavy drug.

And i think part of WHY i fell so heavily into sotus is BECAUSE it borrowed from the ye olde yaoi tropes, which i personally, liked reading about at that time. Plus it was what dominated the stories in the yaoi manga at the time! So as a naive teen, it was what I'd like because i had NOTHING ELSE in the yaoi section. I also read shoujo manga at the time and let's just say it wasn't doing too much better lol

And speaking from the perspective from an asian, living in an asian country myself, I discovered the existence of queer people via these yaoi manga (my country was and still is pretty queerphobic and it didn't help i was brought up in a kind of smaller town. Small by my country standard, western ppl would probably be shocked at the population in our small cities lmao) and eventually leading to my eventual discovery of my own queerness, these manga are a large part of at least the younger gen who have read such stuff in my country being at least less queerphobic. But that's a rant for some other time.

I'll stop with that train of thought before I go off more than i already have in your ask lmao.

Thanks for reading this slightly incoherent rambling in your ask lol

But anyways i hope you enjoy watching these dramas and I'll be looking forward to more of your drama reviews!

Oh my GOODNESS -- thank you SO, SO MUCH for sending this reflection my way! I so appreciate it!

As a kid of Asian immigrants in the States -- I SO appreciate hearing the thoughts of other Asians (and especially Asians in Asia!) watching these amazing shows that we love. And thank you for sharing your perspective in regards to your realizing your own queerness -- and how these dramas, and yaoi manga, helped you realize that and gave you artistic support. I think that's so incredibly important. Sending so many hugs to you -- art is amazing.

Regarding KongArt -- I am there with you. If it had been 2016, and I was a BL fan then, and I was LOOKING for a BL drama, I would have been ALL OVER that ship, and totally obsessed with it, because it was the first BL central/solo plot of a drama. (I likely would have also been far more obsessed with Phun and Noh in Love Sick, too, ha.)

My first ever-ever BL was 2019's What Did You Eat Yesterday/Kinou Nani Tabeta, and the ship of Shiro x Kenji will forever remain my favorite (not even withstanding that they're played by two of Japan's best actors of all time). I totally understand that the "1st bl nostagia is a heavy drug." Bad Buddy isn't my first Thai BL, but it was the first that truly wrapped me up in an analytical spiral, and I literally think about Bad Buddy and WDYEY on a daily basis. I love the feeling these shows give me by way of how smart and equitable they are.

Thanks so much for diving into my OGMMTVC project with me. I'm always taking recommendations. I may very well pick up SOTUS S and the SOTUS Our Skyy episodes, but only after I finish my main list -- I know that the fandom generally thinks those two pieces are better, but I still need a touch of a break from Krust, ha.

HUGS. What a wonderful reflection to read this morning. I so appreciate your note!

[thekenikaridevblog]

uhh kenikari dev fun facts because why not

Under spoilers bc this thing is long with tons of images and text, but it doesn’t spoil any future game events dont worry

this was the first ever sprite I did for the game! I ended up discarding it bc it was more like a joke to see how the style would work and all. I hadn’t settled on a color for the tongue yet and I already had half of what would become the hair shading style

Originally I wanted to made the sprites more simplistic so to speak by adding next to no shading, because I wanted to draw them in far more different poses n stuff. In the end i realised that you would literally be looking at these for 90% of the game so they should probably be nicer and have actual shading

I made an alteration lol

Here’s the first ever shaded sprite, with Chuyo. The shaded hair had settled in, though I would end up giving him a different symbol thingie. I still followed the rule of somewhat minimal shading, but as my style developed I put it more details in the sahding and cloth folds. A fun fact about him is that I made him and the sprite and I put a name to the sprite and then i put it in my pc folders

And then I couldn’t find this sprite but it was okay bc his wheelchair design had changed and my style had too so I redid him completely. and gave him a nose lol. and then when it was time to present him in the game i DEADASS FORGOT I GAVE HIM A NAME. SO I MADE ANOTHER ONE.

his og name was Misuke and that’s the name of this file lol

A forgotten sprite for Lare’s presentation that i didnt end up using bc it kinda looked like an ahegao. if we push that aside you can compare it to the sprites that do appear in the game and see how I altered them later down the line to give her slightly more complex and accurate shading to the game’s current style. I’d say the biggest difference is the whole collar thingie. Originally the dress and shirt were meant to end like. the same way. but then i dont know how i came up with it but i started making the dress more square-y and it differentiated itself more from the shirt, so i changed the sprites to reflect that specifically

a lil drawing I made in 2019 with a laptop trackpad of Mako. I made another one before that and it was the first ever drawing of her, but I can’t find it so I can’t put it here

Originally Mako was meant to have more bruises and bandages but i ended up simplifying it so it could be easier to animate her and draw her from afar. She was the most complex design I’d made back then and I still kinda think she is, topped with other characters like Mero (he doesnt appear in the game its a sepparate mf)

the og Lare sprites that i made before i figured out how RPGmaker XP worked. she hasnt changed much, just removed the background and moved them around so that the walking cycle worked properly

in one of the incredibly early builds of the game that I only showed to my parents to test, I made some quick sprites of myself to announce that the demo had come to an end. These were rushed as hell and have a lot of imperfections and color spills, and I only made like 4. They have been removed from the files bc i wouldn’t use them again

the ending screen actually started as a quick doodle in my notebook. I liked it so much that I took a picture of it and digitalised it, and then I decided to use it in the actual game. I would show the original drawing, since i do actually have it, but it’s spoilers. idk maybe ill show it when the part it spoils comes out

This actually got me thinking that it wouldnt be fair if only alex were the one to say goodbye, since he’s not even the damn protag, so I’ve started to form ideas of end screens with the rest of the cast. Maybe the full chapter will have a different end screen, maybe it won’t. It depends if I do actually feel like doing it mid development bc i got bored with other stuff

That’s all, goodbye! :3

[solsticethebatearedfox]

How I Think Narumitsu feel about each other after each major event

Between DL-6 and Phoenix's Trial, 2014

Phoenix thinks about Edgeworth enough, writes him letters like a journal. He has no expectations of talking to him again by the time he meets Dahila.

Edgeworth used to think about Phoenix for those first few years. Eventually it petered out.

After Dahila's Trial

Phoenix sees Edgeworth in the newspaper and latches on. It's a way to get over Dahila, and he really feels safe and connected to Mia. Mainly, pursuing law is about ensuring his safety and being able to help others the way Mia helped him. He says he wants to save Edgeworth, which is true, but it is only a side-bonus.

After Maya's trial, September 2016

Edgeworth dislikes Phoenix strongly. His whole winning streak is gone. Von Karma is not happy.

Phoenix thinks, "Huh, here's my chance to rescue him! May as well take it." Also he gets major bi panic from Edgeworth. He can barely concentrate at the start of the trial bc damn, Edgeworth grew up hot.

After Will Power's Trial, October 2016

Edgeworth feels very conflicted (hence "unnecessary feelings.")

Phoenix is just confused, and definitely thinks Edgeworth has a crush on him.

After Edgeworth's trial, December 2016

They start a "rivals with benefits" thing. Edgeworth is very conflicted still, but here's entirely willing to ignore that and just have sex. He's still demi tho lol

Phoenix is quite chill. He doesn't love Edgeworth, but he thinks he's hot.

In late January, he realises Edgeworth won't let him close, and knows that it won't ever be anything more than hooking up. He grows indifferent, still enjoying the sex, but plans to leave and find a romantic relationship eventually.

After "Miles Edgeworth chooses death", February 2016

Phoenix is grieving. He was semi-disconnected from the relationship at this point, but he blames himself. He refuses to discuss it and won't even talk to his therapist about it for months.

Edgeworth is so caught up in depression and self-loathing that he doesn't even realise he cares about Phoenix. After a suicide attempt, he starts therapy and working on himself.

Matt Engarde's Trial, March 2018

Edgeworth's return angered Phoenix. He had spent ages getting over his grief, and then Edgeworth just waltzes back in. He still loves him, but the anger is stronger.

Miles just wants to be with Phoenix at this point. He's ready to start a real relationship. But he understands Phoenix is hurt, and wants to give him space.

They start to become friends after a few months, and they fall into that space where they know it's more than friends, but haven't fully committed yet (at least, Phoenix hasn't)

Iris's trial, February 2019

Phoenix is still pissed. He was willing to see where things went with Edgeworth, with plans to try and get over his anger.

Then Iris walks in and they pick up where they left off. Phoenix knows he doesn't love her, and tbh he's pissed at her too.

Unconsciously, he's punishing both Iris and Edgeworth - cheating on them both because they hurt him.

Miles doesn't realise this.

Phoenix's Disbarment, May 2019

After the trial, he ghosts both of them and falls into a drinking problem. He starts hooking up with Kristoph and it is far from healthy. Kristoph is manipulating and abusing Phoenix, and Phoenix is just using him to get over Edgeworth.

After months of calling, talking to Maya and even a few visits to Japanifornica, Miles just...gives up. He looks out for Trucy and still has feelings for Phoenix (not in love, but some of the way there) but he starts dating Lang Zi and tries to move on.

He and Lang Zi don't last and amicably break up, remaining good friends. He focuses back on Phoenix, but doesn't have any romantic intentions. His feelings get stronger during the times Phoenix lets him close, and he loves Trucy like a daughter, but knows nothing will happen. He worries about Phoenix intensely due to Kristoph's worsening abuse.

Phoenix was sus of Kristoph from the get go, but he gathers more dirt on him over the course of their relationship. He begins plotting the MASON system with Edgeworth and start working on a way out.

Phoenix gets over his anger towards Edgeworth. Edgeworth has been there for him more consistently than anyone else bar Maya and Mia.

In 2022, after they see each other for the first time in 2 years (covid exists here bc angst) they hook up and start dating. They have to be cautious because Kristoph, and keep it secret from everyone bar Maya, Trucy and Kay.

After Kristoph Gavin's Trial, April 2026

They get married. They're in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together. Happy ever after i guess.

This is definitely canon divergent in terms of timelines. My headcanons baby. I was inspired by a lot of fanfics and music, will add playlist and fanfics in a future reblog.

[lulamadison]

Hello! You top five johnny lawrence moments (ck or tkk)? 🙂

OH YAY! It is Friday night and this is going to be so much fun! Thank you!

This is also going to be tough, and I bet by tomorrow I'll be like "Nooooooo you should have picked THIS!" 🤣

Anyway, here goes...

1: Season 3 episode 2

I can't pick a single part from this episode, so I'm going to pick the entire thing as my favourite Johnny Lawrence moment. Like the WHOLE thing lol.

This episode influenced SO many of my fics. Good Cop, Bad Cop Situation was totally based on this episode. North had elements of it too with them stopping at a gas station for food.

I love this episode because of the whump, because of how angry Johnny is, the chop shop fight, the look on his face when Daniel says maybe Robby has a little too much of him in him, and most of all, when Miguel asks him why this happened and he says "I don't know." The look on his face make me 😭

2: HAM?

I have family in LA. Last time I went to stay with them in 2019 they had ham in their fridge, and I thought "Oh, ham. I'll make a sandwich!" and I picked up the packet and water ran out of it onto the floor.

In the USA Ham is awful and filled with water and the bread also isn't that good 😉

I still also see this as Daniel thinking "Oh no, I'm in love with this idiot" lol

3: "You know all these years you weren't there, I blamed myself. Sensei Kreese is right. I can't be my own worst enemy. But you can be!"

Johnny just defending and trying not to fight Robby. That single frame where he grabs him by the neck and says, "I won't fight you." holy shit. That moment, the music, the emotions! That scene was incredible! One of my fave scenes in the whole show!

4: The Karate Kid Beach Fight

That moment where Daniel punches Johnny in the nose and he just kinda stands there for a few seconds...

I have so many fics where Johnny is basically realising he is love in that moment lol

5: THE BOW in season 4

It was an amazing moment on it's own for all of us Lawrusso fans

But then we got the ALMOST KISS 🤣

I used to paint with acrylics. This scene made me paint again for a brief time, but I never finished it lol

Maybe I should finish it one day.

Thank you for the ask 😍

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

i just spent an embarrassing amount of time sorting all my spotify wrapped top songs from the last 5 years (which is how long i've been using it regularly) in order to see which songs and artists come up the most so, uh, i'm gonna go thru the data cos i'm a nerd lol

(this is all very self indulgent and only really exists so me from the future can come back and find it lol... but hey feel free to read if ur interested in my listening habits lol)

so what's interesting is that i've never had the same artist as my top artist of the year!

2018 -> BTS

2019 -> Banks

2020 -> Dreamcatcher

2021 -> EXO

2022 -> Girls' Generation

2023 -> Fall Out Boy

but despite that, both EXO and Banks have been in my top 5 for 5 times out of the 6 wrapped years!

even more interesting is that Banks is my 5th top artist this year despite the fact only one of her songs shows up in my top lists (i think i'm just always listening to her albums lol)

whiccchhh brings me onto the songs themselves

so no song shows up as top of my year every year, and there is also no song that appears in all 6 wrapped playlists BUT there is a song that shows up in 5 of the 6 and that is...

(drum roll lol)

Judas by Banks! not surprising cos it's such an amazing track but i kinda didn't realise just how much i listen to it lol! it's never been in my top 5 but it's always somewhere in the playlists lol

songs that show up 4 times out of 6 are:

Be by Hozier, Peppermint Chocolate by K.Will and Mamamoo, Vibrato by Stellar and Kingdom Come by Red Velvet!

songs that show up 3 times:

Lol by Taeyeon, Apple by Ga In, Snap out of it by the Arctic Monkeys, Bad Boy by Red Velvet & Tempo by EXO!

only other repeated song i'll mention is I Don't Care by Fall Out Boy which showed up in 2018 and then not again until this year lol

this year is a bit of an anomaly, because usually none of my top artists have more than 10 songs in the playlist (exceptions are usually if I had a particular album on repeat) BUT this year both my top artists (fob and hozier) have 18 and 20 songs in my top songs playlist respectively lol

(which is why when i've been rebloging those 'what is your 10th top song' posts it's mainly been fob and hozier tracks pfft.... rule of averages wins again lol)

& because of this most of the songs on my 2023 top songs list are ones that came out this year lol

some fun exceptions are:

How do you sleep by John Lennon, Why don't you do right by Lil Green, She's always a woman by Billy Joel, Can't rely on you by Paloma Faith and Irony by Wonder Girls lol!

honestly kinda shocked that hardly any of the mcr/green day stuff i was listening to earlier in the year has showed up (there are a couple mcr tracks, but i listened to american idiot SO much but not a single track is on my playlist rip.... guess i'm the (non)american idiot after all lol)

also kinda sad that spotify doesn't do a top albums things, though it is kinda obvious w/ my list pfft (top albums were So Much (For) Stardust, Unreal Unearth and The Age of Pleasure!)

& what i've discovered from looking at all this data is that i kinda like that every year is slightly different, with a different top artist and usually different albums that i play constantly throughout the year!

Last year it was Dance Fever, The Gods We Can Touch and 28 Reasons, few years ago it was III and 1719 lol! i just love having an album define so much of how i feel about a year :')

can't wait to see what albums define my next 5 years of life tbh!

anyway i think that's about all the data i can really pull from this lol!

[fxirybun]

too damn true!!! i also feel like with ur last point that ppl dont seem to remember as easily compared to previous times? for instance whenever theres a "new" tiktok trend i look at it and realise its not actually "new" just something that the newer generations seem to think they created or made it new again.

its like kids or teens nowadays are so focused on their online life that they forget things have been done before in a less than new way so to see aesthetics that have been around long before thenselves come back as an aesthetic more than a lifestyle baffles me. particularly with y2k, not only do the 00s feel too long ago ngl we had so much good stuff but its like if you search it on youtube all ppl say is how trashy it was just because they didnt live in the era of it or they put an importance of aesthetics without realising they really wouldnt cope without the internet but its more so they prefer how something looks from that era, than anything else, i dont think anyones whos chronically online (myself included) would realistically want to have zero internet in current times it really gives fomo honestly its so bad.

if u arent doing what everyone else is doing its so bad making us feel further behind bc time aint slowing down for nobody. we 30 somethings had a lot too but i feel that gen z just dont realise the difference in society between then and now and it seems vastly different i cant explain it? thats why i feel like we were in some sort of time alteration device in or around 2019 cause nothings felt normal since then and even ppls behaviours and just the way they "think" has been altered so much and it always has to accomodate to whatever is going on both online and irl, the fact we have to try to mentally separate the online version from our physical selves is bonkers. thats whag i mean its totally different and idk if its a good kind of different or bad. im even seeing this crop up with new generation kpop groups and my faves ultimately they still are very much chronically online even if they are on a break. its actually hard to keep up with this stuff going on all the time hbu?

that reminded me of the whole baggy jeans & flared jeans trend and how my mom told me that these jeans used to put a chokehold on them back in the 90s lol. we be following the 3 Rs rules 😆 : reduce , reuse , recycle.

well.. if the shoes fit , fits them 🤷‍♀️ and the majority of teens are usually in their experimenting phase wherein they get to try new things that they're curious about. been there , done that ◔_◔ an example would be my little brother who's in his mid-teen years. he's experimenting with some clothes and would mix n match them cuz it's "trendy". i find his fashion questionable because of the layered tops and pants he's wearing 😭 like bro it's freakin hot outside and you're going to wear that ?? tho i'm not gonna stop him , letting him explore and find his niche (˘̩̩̩ε˘̩ƪ)

you know the whole "emo phase" back in the early 2000s and how people would throw shade on it ? well surprise surprise cuz tara yummy , johnnie guilbert , and jake webster are trending , and how their goth / emo fashion is making its way on trends.

gen z's are individuals who aren't afraid to express their opinions and are pretty much self-aware as to what's going on in this world. i find it admirable because their voices are being used to change the current societal expectations of what the govt or any politician had established.

i do feel that the whole pandemic was a major catalyst for all of us and how everything seems to be happening too fast. but i kid you not with this one cuz some of the millennials and gen x peeps i know irl has been noticing how we gen z's have no presence in mind and that we have short attention spans 😭

well , they're right with that one cuz i noticed it from my blockmates , the younger students , and my skibidi toilet siblings. and you shouldn't feel bad about not being able to catch up cuz i'm on the same page as you lmao ( T_T)＼(^-^ ) i had no idea what a "fanum tax" meant not until my little brother who's a gen alpha told me its meaning 💀 there's a new wave of slangs too and how i was left in confucius at first but i got a hold on it over time.

[deertaz]

I'm Back

This account was something I made when I was 14 and in a very bleak time of my life. I have deleted most of my old posts, not only because I wish to forget that time, but also because as an adult, I now understand how venting towards a public space can validate and enable the self-harmful behaviours of other people.

Luckily this account got nothing more that a few notes, with a handful of people looking at what I posted. But, I would like to apologise to anybody who saw my posts and were triggered by it.

I never participated in any group chats or messages encouraging my or the EDs of others. Even then, I saw the danger of such things. However, through sharing my experiences and harmful thoughts in visceral detail, I may have contributed to the validation of others as mentally damaged as I was at the time. Again, I am lucky that next to nobody saw this account.

So, take this as a reintroduction of myself;

Hi, I'm 'Taz', I'm 19. I'm in Uni right now with a freelance job. I love dressing in alternative 'gothic' styles, listening to emo, metal, goth and alternative music. I've experienced a lot since I've been gone, and have been incredibly lucky over the past 3-4 years since my departure.

I have gained lifelong friends who truly value me for the person I am. I graduated high school at 16 and, since then, have found a confidence in myself that I never knew I had. I am capable, thriving and happy with myself and the things I have accomplished so far. I spoke in front of a crowd of 200 last year, and realised how the only thing holding me back is myself.

I no longer feel ashamed about my interests, nor my appearance. I don't hide my love for childish and nerdy things. I'm just a bit odd, but standing out both appearance-wise and personality-wise have turned out to be an asset. It has drawn the most remarkable and kind people to me. I met my platonic soulmate, who has been my best friend for 3 years.

And yes, I have not been friends with that girl I ranted about in 2019 for over 4 years (left the post up since I believe it isn't harmful). What she said and did to me wasn't okay, I'm proud of myself for finally being able to cut her out of my life. I was a very insecure lonely person, who didn't understand how friends should treat you. I never had friends as a child, since I was considered weird. So joining high school (I was 11, UK) made me try to change myself, I was quiet and agreeable. When she offered me friendship I was very happy, but did not have the self confidence nor the wisdom to realise that she was treating me horribly. I understand now, and am quite a lot better with setting boundaries.

I have had two partners, and one on and off situationship thing (lol). I'm not a lesbian, I'm Bi with a preference for women. My parents know. I have a 17 year old brother who I love to pieces, every day I am taken a-back by how much I get on with him. I value our closeness and am very grateful that he's in my life.

My relationship with my mother has been rocky at times, especially from 10-16. But I no longer live at home, so my interactions with her have improved a lot. I love her, she is a kind person, though very temperamental. She is also no longer bedridden!

I am now 19, I am older. I am much better at handling her outbursts. I stand up for myself without shouting back. I realised the best way to respond to her is either by removing myself, or by asking her questions, 'did you take your meds today?', 'why do you think you are angry?', 'Does this warrant shouting?'.

My favourite thing to say is, 'I love you mum, but I hate how you are acting right now.'

It shows to her that I love her, what I'm saying isn't an attack on her character, but on her current actions. It's a pretty good way of letting her know (I think).

Anyways, rant over (for now). For anybody still struggling with an ED, please seek comfort in others. Tell somebody. It's a slow recovery, and you might relapse a few times before it gets better. But it does get better. For anybody still in those awful teen years, it's a shitty waiting game but the end post is in sight, and it's a path to something far brighter.

-Taz

[iman-92]

Hey girl

I really need some advice and I’m too embarrassed to tell my friends

There’s a man that I was severely heartbroken by and in my opinion was saving me for later in terms of marriage.

Last year Feb 23’ I told him how I felt about him and that I was looking for something serious, he reciprocated feelings but never did anything about it. I then deleted him off my socials and lived my life for a year.

Fast forward to Feb 24’ I was down baaaaad, I really missed him and also felt like I never gave it a proper go, I prayed about it a lot and then added him back on socials.

He accepted me back, sent me a lovely message telling me he was happy I added him back blah blah. I have a lot of pride so I haven’t reached out to him since then and he’s reached out a few times over messages and we had one very very short phone conversation where we were catching up on life and he’s messaged me one time since then. He also told me never to remove him from my socials again and that he was hurt when I did it the last time.

I’ve realised now that I don’t think he actually ever wanted me, and I’m going thru heart break all over again, for my own peace of mind I feel like I should remove him from my socials and move on for good this time, (we’ve blocked and deleted each other so many times and this has been ongoing since 2019).

I swear I don’t ever want to look back.

I don’t know how I should approach it? I was thinking to just remove him from my socials but also at the same time speak to him and tell him that I wish him well and I can’t keep him around. A part of me also wants him to know how much he hurt me but my pride will never let me 💀

Help pls, also I can’t randomly send a message saying any of this or call him, my pride sis, my pride. I lowkey just might have to wait for him to message/call me and then drop the lines on him. But then I might not hear from him in months given that it’s been 5 months since I added him back and we’ve had one phone conversation LOL but I’m too mentally exhausted to keep around on my socials and I want him goneeeeee immediately.

i’m gonna be honest it might be time to block and delete that man again sis 😭 it’s important to be honest about what you’re looking for and to not just settle for what someone is willing to give you. i don’t think you have a desire to be just friends/cordial and if he can’t give you what you want then you have to remember that someone else definitely can.

if you feel that talking about how you feel about your situation will give you closure then you can initiate a conversation but I wouldn’t go into it expecting things to change. either way i’m a big believer in out of sight out of mind and the best way to start the moving on process is to cut him off and work through your feelings/heartbreak over time 🥲

[saltynsassy31]

hellow :> 1, 8 & 29 for the artist ask game? hehe

Um, I usually dont instal things I don't use because I need as much memory space as possible to keep drawing stuff

But I do have FlipaClip, I haven't used it since I accidentally deleted it and lost ALL my animation back in 2019 🙃 idk I just lost the motivation to animate but I still think I'll start animating again one day lol

Well, I have a couple, but 3 main ones that I can remember is my webtoons, it's still up cuz I like looking back at it, I did it back in 2019 but the move from Brazil to Portugal took a toll on my mental health that I didn't even realise (+ covid happening in the next year), I always wished to come back to it but never did.

Another one would be a MCYT fanfic that I quit cuz I just, felt slightly embarrassed ngl XD I still keep it up, but I wouldn't recommend you read it.

And third would be a fnaf sb comic su thingy, I had like, 3 pages done but after I started role-playing in the gregaverse with him, I realised that I just wasn't ready to get back to comic creating again, plus the au has turned more so into an original story and the main cast has mostly become OCs XD I still roleplay with them from time to time.

And media I love but doesn't inspire me....hmmm, I'd have to say like, animation (it did inspire me once but not anymore) and realistic paintings, I'd say water color art, but those technically do inspire me XD