#look we love weird girls in this house and i will take no criticism

[allykatsart]

Oh. So she's like... A monster fucker monster fucker.

[ot3]

I mean this in entirely good faith, I promise, but I'd love to hear the "shortcomings" you think those shows have

she ra i mostly just found boring i don't think i could point to a single thing it did (out of what i watched, that is. i didn't finish the show) that i found to be an objectionable writing choice, but it just didn't do anything to keep my interest. which is a shame because i went into it REALLY excited!!! i had long been a fan of nimona so hearing that ND stevenson was getting the chance to make a cartoon i was SO prepared to be all over it. and i watched it and it all just fell pretty flat for me

steven universe and the owl house i feel like are shows with some pretty major structural issues. i really think they try to have their cake and eat it in terms of episodic moments vs overarching series narratives that are kind of at odds with each other.

with steven universe i feel like this manifested in some pretty bizarre tonal whiplash that prevented either of the shows angles from sticking its landing. i think if steven universe had either been an epic space opera about a kid inheriting his mother's war, it would have fucking banged. i think if steven universe had been a more slice-of-life oriented show about a boy coming of age by realizing he's sort of the living manifestation of the war trauma of the people around him and learning to navigate and help people heal from that through fantastical, alien super-powered twists on mundane life that would have banged in a completely different way. but as it stands i think trying to do both at the same time detracted from the overall experience.

it feels weird to have them fucking around at the barn when there is something that is going to literally hatch from the earth's crust like an egg and destroy the entire planet and theyre just ignoring it. it feels weird in a different way to have them visit an alien zoo full of human beings and know that the structure of the show means we will absolutely not be taking the time to fully unpack that one. for me this cognitive dissonance really reached its peak an episode where steven explicitly calls his mother a war criminal, but that was a throwaway line because the A plot was that lars, the guy who works at the donut shop, bakes as a hobby and is embarrassed by that. to be perfectly clear i don't think it's impossible to balance more mundane slice of life moments with big adventures to combat existential threats. but whatever that balance looks like is not what steven universe was doing

the owl house on the other hand i don't feel like was ever really willing to commit to a particular vibe long enough to get invested in it. it's trying to be a show about a girl who is a witch's apprentice, but that doesn't really feel quite fully realized because it's also trying to be a show about a Magic School, but we don't spend enough time at the Magic School to get invested in that setting as a framework for the character interactions and narrative events, but then it also starts trying to be this big adventure/questing show. and then before too long luz is the one teaching magic to everyone else? it refuses to really commit to any one thing it's trying and just kind of throws everything at you with out actually getting to spend time with its concepts

in general i also think luz was a weak protagonist. in terms of writing. i think she wasnt given enough meaningful flaws, didn't make enough mistakes, and didn't really have to learn any hard lessons or make decisions that fundamentally went against who she thought she was. her whole thing is basically being Nerdy and Kinda Weird which i think is kind of an outdated substitute for meaningful character writing in the current zeitgeist. im sure she is an absolutely fantastic power fantasy for a lot of 12 year old girls who consider reading books to be their main personality trait and i absolutely do not fault that for existing. i think that's a critical thing to exist and all those 12 year olds really deserve it. but it has no appeal to me as an adult woman who has grown out of that phase, yknow?

i feel like once again the comparison to akko from little witch academia invites itself very easily, and anne from amphibia too, which was also a disney teen girl isekai airing at the same time. i loved both of those two as protags a ton and i think its because they really fumbled repeatedly and went through the wringer in a way luz didn't

[lovemari]

IMPORTANT: Hello! My old account, Lovemari, got deleted. Therefore, I had to make a new one. I'm honestly pretty upset about this so I'll take some time to recover! Thankfully, all my posts are saved as I write them in google docs before posting. Please like and reblog so I can reach my old followers and potentially new ones!

Cat Date - Wanderer x Reader

Reminder: I'm not an experienced writer so construction criticism is always welcome! Also, I write for fun. I just wanted to share my work around the world!

Pairing: Wanderer x Reader

Synopsis: Wanderer asks you on a date in a strange way.

Notes: Let's be honest, in this fict, the cats were Wanderers wingcat lol. Also, not my proudest fict but I still like the scenario!

Recently, Dove, your cat has been acting odd. She's gone the entire day and comes back meowing at your door in the middle of the night, ruining your whole sleep schedule.

You believed it to be some kind of cat ritual or anything else that's crazy. Though, one day, or night to be exact, you found yourself quite curious. Dove hasn't been at your door for 2 days.

What do you do? You got up, at 12 in the night, and went to the neighbors house. He's quite the strange guy, if you were honest. Still, you always thought he was a cat himself. If not, then he certainly acted like one. So why not pay him a visit.

You knocked on his door, and out came the bowl cut dwarf, “Ugh..you? What is it?” He grumbled, clearly annoyed that you woke him up. At this point, you were panicking, “I can't find Dove! Can you help?” You rushed, with thoughts of Dove lingering in your mind. What if she was eaten by coyotes? Or even worse, stolen!

Your neighbor laughed, “I'm Wanderer, by the way.” He replied, as if nothing was happening. Before you could say anything Wanderer butted in, “Your cats with me. She's in love with my cat, Raven, for whatever reason. It's truly disgusting” He snickered, though, meaning no harm.

You blinked a couple of times before immediately rushing into his house. There, you saw Dove sleeping with Raven.

Swooping her up, you rushed out of the house. Wanderer stopped you before you could make your exit, unfortunately.

He gave you his number, “Tomorrow, 5:00, xxxx” He invited before smiling, “Let's have a cat date.” You gave him a weird look, was he drunk or something? Wanderer doesn't usually act like this.

You figured he wasn't right in the head so you rushed out, hoping he'll be sober in the morning.

You kissed Dove's head before turning off the night. Dove responded with an annoyed mew, clearly unhappy about you embarrassing her about her boyfriend. Unfortunately for her, you couldn't care less about a cat's love life.

You woke up early. You thought about it for a while but you decided you'd visit Scaramouche. Two reasons, actually. One, you wanted to make sure he wasn't drunk. Two, you didn't want to ditch him in case he wasn't drunk.

You got dressed and went to the place he mentioned. It was a cat cafe. You didn't know he was into that stuff but honestly, you weren't surprised.

You walked into the cafe, immediately being welcomed by some girl. You nodded, a little creeped out, before finding Scaramouche at a seat. You walked to him, “Hey.” You greeted. He looked at you, “About yesterday? I'm sorry.I was drunk.” He replied, quickly. He must be embarrassed.

You checked, “I figured.” your laughter stopped as you saw Wanderer blushing, playing with his hands, “I like you. That part was true” He confessed, his voice low and quiet.

You were surprised, to say the least. This man sure had a strange way of confessing but you found it cute.

You figured, it was too early for dating. Especially because you rarely talk to Wanderer. Still, there was something about him you enjoyed, “How about we have more cat dates before we decide what's best?” You teased, referring to when Wanderer was drunk. Wanderer nodded, acknowledging your tease and accepting it.

You could both see the sparks between you two.

[partly-cloudyskies]

Red Birthright - Chapter 8

A Star Wars WFM AU

“Hey, Princess.” “Don’t call me that,” Miorine said. “You’ve seen my bounty posting. You know my name.” “I don’t like your name,” Chuchu said with a matter-of-fact ease. She sat across from Miorine and the two had managed to achieve a civil if frigid silence, though that mostly owed to the fact that they spent much of that time eating. They no longer had that luxury. “It seems that I’ve managed to achieve a perfect slate of dislike across the board,” Miorine said. “And all I had to do was exist. Tell me, is there some specific objection you have about me or am I just that lucky?” “Well,” Chuchu drawled. “You’re prissy, stuck up, sharp-tongued. You managed to upset that poor girl you came with using a single sentence. You come aboard my home and start criticizing it immediately. I watched your weird Mandalorian cult shoot up a space station and my ship because you decided to run away from your home. And I’m starting to wonder if they’ll do the same to mine. And while we’re on the subject, your Clan Rembran is a bunch of glorified highwaymen who think they can shake down us independents just because they’ve got shinier stuff.” “House,” Miorine said, distracted. She wondered if Chuchu would call Suletta a ‘poor girl’ after she saw her in one of her rages. Miorine thought uncharitably that she’d quite like to see that. “What?” “We—they’re not a clan. It’s House Rembran of Clan Benerit.” “Whatever. I don’t want to know. And I truly don’t care.” Most of the barbs did not find their purchase, but Chuchu’s baldly stated concern that Rembran would find their way here did strike at a fear Miorine had tried to avoid. She’d bring calamity anywhere she tried to put down roots. The people here had been kind. Well. Nika was nice enough though how trustworthy was a bit of a question. And Chuchu was unpleasant but it was in a forthright way that was far preferable to intrigue and rumors. Still, she did recommend a very good sandwich. Even that felt like a lifeline in this moment. “That look on your face could turn aside a storm cloud,” Chuchu said. “The hell’s on your mind?” “Too many things. As you established, nothing that you’d care about.” “I’d love to keep it that way but we’ve got time to kill and I get bored. You finished?” Chuchu indicated the food wrappers and Miorine nodded her assent. Chuchu cleared it away and Miorine noticed for the first time that the table they occupied had a pattern of dark and light panels, arrayed in a circle radiating from the center. Chuchu reached to the side where there was an instrument panel. She fiddled with it. Nothing happened. Then she frowned and struck it with the heel of her palm. A holoprojector within the table wheezed to life. Tiny, monstrous figures suddenly occupied the board, arrayed on the dark and light areas. They idled where they stood, waiting for commands. “Dejarik?” Miorine said. “You play?” “I… am familiar.” “Good. Then I won’t have to explain the rules. I can kick your ass a couple rounds and then it’ll be time to take you to see the others.” Miorine raised an eyebrow. “Do try to go easy on a novice such as myself.”

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Would I be the asshole if I tell my dad to stop calling me by my first name?

For some context, I'm 21, nonbinary, afab, and have 2 names + 2 last names (I'm Mexican)

You see, I'm not really out in my house. My parents know I'm bi, but it's not something they're open to talk or are truly accepting of, so I don't even want to bother to come out as nonbinary, since it would probably bring more discussions than civil conversations at the table.

Anyhow, most people use my middle name for everything, and I always present myself by that name. Not only it's quite easy to remember, it can be very gender neutral, and I feel very comfortable with it. Also, the amount of people who call me by my first can literally be counted with one hand and neither of my parents are in that list.

They only called me that when they were about to scold or punish me, for every other occasion, they use my middle name or some endearment term/title.

I like my full name. I like the combination of my first and last name and I honestly don't mind when people call me by my first name, mostly because it barely happens.

There's also the story of my name. My parents really thought about it, as in, I was fully planned. They wanted a girl and they wanted to name her [my name] because it symbolizes their love. My first name can be found in my dad's, it's supposed to mean that I'm an essential part of him, and my full name means [Name of dad], I love you.

This all was made by them, as in, they came up with the meanings, they named me after what the words meant for them, not after their real meaning. So yeah, it's quite a big deal, especially for my dad.

Then here comes the part where I feel like I might be the asshole.

My dad started calling me by my first name. It feels strange, weird, odd. Almost wrong. It feels as if he was calling someone else, as if he's about to scold me each time he does, and it's also messing me up a bit when it comes to my gender.

My first name it's exclusively a "girl" name. I've been trying to reaffirm my gender by doing things like cutting my hair and using more masculine/neutral terms when speaking (Spanish I mean, since the whole language is gendered). My parents have criticized the hair thing and given me judgmental eyes each time I refer to myself in masculine terms, or fully ignore it, but mostly just look at me weirdly.

Again, I really don't feel like I can come out, and neither I believe my parents would respect my identity if I do.

So I want to tell my dad to stop calling me by my name. And I know it won't sit right with him.

I can't give him any explanation, and I don't think he'd take any, since "It's literally your name."

So if I tell him, I would come across as someone who simply doesn't appreciates their name, and who wants beef with their dad just because.

We have a messy relationship, and I know he would take it as an attack, as if I was rejecting him and his attempts to get closer to me, but I truly don't enjoy when he calls me that.

So yeah. I feel like I should just ignore it and try to get used to it, but on the other hand, I also feel my opinion and feels should have some weight in what I'd like people to call me, including my dad.

What are these acronyms?

[ca-suffit]

i agree when it comes to female characters whatever their origins, I think the showrunners did the best they could. I did find weird that anne rice never wrote any queer female characters, it's all subtext. the books are really filled with sexism and while anne rice wrote the mayfair's witches, with a main female characters it's still full of incestuous rape and I couldn't believe amc took the decision to make an adaptation of those books. Just the whole stuff with 13 years old mona mayfair... I really never understand why anne rice wasn't comfortable with her female characters. anyway we could still have merrick in iwtv. they could change some elements of her plot.

tw csa

Anne Rice included a lot of themes that are popular and common still in modern stories and ppl tend to not understand the main difference of why ppl take offense to Anne's writing and not others. Case in point, this thread I responded to the other day on twt:

Here is the source (from her official website) for what OwlsGoldberg was referencing (thnx to them for sharing this link in the thread too) "O.K. I just read a book I recommend. It's called THE DEADLY FEAST by Richard Rhodes. The book centers around a man named Carleton Gajdusek. Carleton Gajdusek is a Nobel Prize winner and he's in prison--apparently for fondling a 14 year old in a shower. I have not seen the court record and I'm not in any way qualified to judge what goes on. All I want to say is that I highly recommend that you get the book. That the contribution of Carleton Gajdusek to medicine and to science has been fantastic and that I personally am looking into the whole question of child molestation, children's rights, because it concerns me. I remember being a young adult, and I remember being real angry that I wasn't allowed to do things that other adults were doing. I was working full time and I was living in a rooming house and I didn't like being classified as a teenager, because somebody wanted to sell me something expensive. I know I sound angry--I am. I am angry. But we've got to revise our concept of teenagers in this country. If we want to stop the crime in this country we've just got to realize that 14 and 15 year old people are adults, they are not children. And leading them to believe that there is a fundamental difference between play killing and real killing."

That's not even all of it for that twt thread, but u get the point. Nobody can ever criticize anything with Anne Rice without ppl saying it's just misogyny or ....whatever that accusation of queerphobia for a cast member is about (there was no clarification who that's referencing but I'm guessing it's Sam Reid bcuz this fandom rides hard for white queerness in him / Lestat at any chance, especially in order to silence other issues). It's always easy for these ppl to erase everything about anything else except "victimization" of a rich white woman. This only happens within the fandom too, as most ppl outside it don't respect Anne Rice at all for her behavior or writing....and that's without even knowing the depths of this kind of stuff. U couldn't pull this crap on any person on the street, they'd rightfully think ur terminally online and fucking weird.

Anyway, back to the point about themes. Anne Rice had repetitive themes that ppl will argue are for "the genre." The thing is tho....it has to still serve a purpose to the story to be any good. Most of the time (at least for my knowledge of TVC books), there isn't a reason to have these things present. She simply has a fixation on them and a lot of them are things that hurt women just for the sake of doing it. The reader is also uncomfortably made to feel like this is all supposed to be ok too, which is the main issue ppl have. It's not critical or intentionally envoking horror and dread....it's just saying "this is what being a girl/woman is" and giving the message to love ur abuser (most often a very old white man in TVC), which many survivors of a lot of things find triggering af.

Mentioning Merrick too, that's a character I rly liked and yet was wasted all over. The book with her name is narrated by David Talbot, this elderly, white, British pedophile, and we spend more time hearing his gross thoughts about her as a child and other similar shit in his life (always with underage poc) instead of spending time with her in her own head as an adult. Or Louis, for that matter, who is also more who the book is about than David, yet Davis is our narrator.

There's a lot more I could write but I'd never stop tbh. It's clear to most everyone who isn't finding excuses that Anne Rice just wasn't a good writer and had so many issues with misogyny and a lot of other things. I've never seen any other author excused so much from criticism, especially one who was so obviously known in life as being a rly unlikeable person, particularly to her own fanbase. If it weren't for other ppl, there wouldn't even be a fandom for her work. She v much almost destroyed it by herself.....but she's dead now, so ppl have been quick to start rewriting history and accusing others of anything they can think of to avoid criticism. Just like she always did.

[umichlvr]

throwback thursday | more than friends au | t. zegras x m. thompson

new au!!! hope u guys enjoy it! also i’m hopefully gonna be more active with my writing now that it’s summer. remember requests are open & so are anons! constructive criticism / positive feedback appreciated! 💗

au masterlist | full hockey masterlist

not my gif, creds to svechnikovvv

warnings: just cussing, all fluff!

a/n: i’ll hopefully be getting an au introduction out soon with like background information and all that

maevethompson

liked by trevorzegras, jamie.drysdale, and others

maevethompson since it’s thursday, how bout a little throwback??

tagged trevorzegras

trevorzegras why do i continue to put up with you

maevethompson because you love me, duhhh🤓🤓

jackhughes thank you maeve for this post, you never get the recognition you deserve

maevethompson wow jack, i’m impressed! i think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me🙌🏼

jackhughes i take it back i don’t like you

user1 wait omg are they dating???🫣

user2 i wish!!! they’ve literally been besties since like birth and they look at each other with so much love in their eyes🥹🥹

maevethompson hi!! me and trev are just besties, all love though! 😚💗

colecaufield i’m enjoying the z slander, keep it coming

maevethompson yes sir mr goal caufield🫡

trevorzegras

liked by maevethompson, jackhughes, and others

trevorzegras since maeve decided we were posting throwbacks (and horrible pictures) here’s my go at it (this was difficult because mae makes me delete all the good bad pics of her😒😒)

tagged maevethompson

maevethompson aw trev, i didn’t think you had it in you to post anything cute but this is adorb 🥹

trevorzegras yeah yeah, whatever, yeah yeah i know i’m awesome and you love me😉😏

maevethompson i am this 🤏🏼 close to blocking you. you’re so annoying please humble yourself or i’ll do it for you 👊🏼

jamie.drysdale please do it for him i’d pay good money to see him get punched

trevorzegras hey man, i thought we were friends??

maevethompson jaym likes me more HA HA

trevorzegras what the hell is “jaym”

maevethompson a nickname, duh🤓, it’s like jamie without the ee pronunciation

jackhughes how come you get to call her cool nicknames but we’re not allowed??

maevethompson hey i never said that!! you guys can call me tommy

jackhughes yeah i know he said it

maevethompson i hate him he’s such a gaslighter gaskeeper and non girlboss

trevorzegras i’m hurt.

maevethompson good.

user3 ARE YOU KIDDING ME🥹THEY WERE THE CUTEST KIDS EVER🥲

maevethompson hehe thank u 🤭🩷

maevethompson

liked by jackhughes, dylanduke25, and others

maevethompson officially an honorary hughes!!!! (i was invited to the lake house as a plus one) p.s. dylan duke i think i love you

tagged trevorzegras, jackhughes, _alexturcotte, _quinnhughes, lhughes_06, dylanduke25

jackhughes absolutely thrilled you could join the family (i am being forced to type this)

maevethompson aw i love you too jack 😇

dylanduke25 i think i love YOU maeve thompson

maevethompson oh STAHAP 🖐🏼 🫳🏼 ur too good to me dyl

lhughes_06 you guys are weird

maevethompson go fuck yourself lucas

lhughes_06 😔😔

_alexturcotte best damn wakeboarder in the nation 🫡 mad respect for my girl maeve 🤍

maevethompson ❤️❤️ love u turcs 🥹

trevorzegras you’re the best plus one a guy could ask for

maevethompson you’re the worst roommate ever. STOP SNORING. please😔 i need my beauty sleep

user4 i can’t decide if her and alex have a thing (cause he got a few pics plus HIS COMMENT??) or her and dylan have a thing cause what???

user1 okay but what about jack?? he got 3 different pictures on here plus they’re always in each others comments

trevorzegras no

user5 jack is taking DOWN that watermelon

maevethompson he’s a munch what can i say 🤷🏼‍♀️

trevorzegras

liked by _quinnhughes, _alexturcotte, and others

trevorzegras “don’t put some stupid ass caption on your post only ‘the boys’ will understand. i hate that shit because i AM one of the boys and i never get them.” - tommy 🌬🚙⏰

tagged jackhughes, _quinnhughes, maevethompson

maevethompson see now what the hell do those emojis mean??? i don’t like you guys you’re so secretive😒🖕🏼

trevorzegras oh but how you love me

jackhughes it’s the way of the world ⏰

maevethompson i’m genuinely convinced you morons spend time together in your rooms discussing these made up sayings like

trevorzegras tick tock🤫

jackhughes maevethompson we just know each other too well i guess

maevethompson are you guys secret lovers or what

user5 LMFAOOOO

colecaufield the way of the jungle🦁

maevethompson yeah cole i don’t know how much i can love you after this

_alexturcotte ET phone home

maevethompson i don’t wanna be ur fav girl anymore

dylanduke25 i would love to participate in the comments but i don’t want maevy trying to shove me off the boat tomorrow 🫡

maevethompson the love i have for you is unmatched dyl i think i’m going to marry you some day

dylanduke25 all love❤️❤️

user3 maeve and dylan are so adorable are you kidding🥹🥹🩷🩷

user2 RIGHT??? i don’t even care if they’re dating or just friends they treat each other so well🥹 i love them💖💖

that’s all for part one! thank u so much for reading <33 reblogs, comments, and follows always very appreciated! requests are open, feel free to lmk your thoughts on this au! huge huge thank you to makayla for all her help on this 💗💗

[rose-tea-and-strawberries]

The cast of Lilo and Stitch in the House of Mouse AU

We all can agree that Floyd + Stitch is a disaster waiting to happen. Enemies or friends, no one is safe. (Also the clips where Stitch intercepts other movies & the characters remember him from those moments.)

Jumba wanting to go to Ignihyde after meeting the Shrouds (read: Ortho) & Yuu stopping him.

Jumba: Yuu please.

Yuu: For the last time, no one is taking you to Ignihyde.

Jumba: Aww c’mon!

Yuu: No!

The other 626 (including Leroy) experiments/cousins coming in and having fun.

OH YES I REMEMBER THOSE CLIPS!

I want to say those are part of the Disney Animated Multiverse but then there were some that I found weird like Jasmine ditching Aladdin and Carpet and flying when Stitch flirted with her so I'm just going to day that all of the Disney Princesses have met him in some unrelated way for like a minute or so.

Jumba sees the rocket blasters that Idia has stored in Ortho's arms and he's like 'gimmie'. He's a scientist, Yuu, let him science.

NO ONE lets Stitch out of their sight. He's chaos in adorable blue alien form and besides Yuu doesn't bring Floyd to the club anyway because she actually still wants a job and her sanity at the end of the day (Mickey would never fire her but she's not taking her chances)

Ursula loves the Tweels though. She introduces them to Flotsam and Jetsam and calls them 'her little poopsies/babies

Yuu is also one of the only humans apart from the Lilo and Stitch cast that can actually control Stitch. Stitch loves to hug Yuu all the time and just soaks up her love and attention like a smug little sponge. Grim is shaking with rage at how his minion is hugging and petting the fur of this inferior creature and Stitch just smiles evilly at Grim and the NRC boys when they glare at him from behind Yuu's back.

Stitch is a devil to the Twisted Wonderland cast but the second Yuu enters the room he transforms into the most angelic creature on earth.

Che'nya has major respect for this chaos gremlin. Like appreciates like.

Nani and Lilo can tell that Yuu really misses her family and when they see how this kid has no parents they sort of adopt her into their Ohana. Especially Nani - living with Grim is basically the same as parenting a child so she can look at Yuu and see the amount of stress she's under trying to get through with little she has.

Cobra Bubbles (who is 100% Nick Fury's cousin and no I'm not taking any criticism) is very concerned for Yuu but knows that things are out his jurisdiction so he can't really do anything. Lilo told her that she thinks he's killed a man before.

Lilo likes to sit with all of the other young girls like Alice and Wendy and she's happy to talk to Yuu for hours. She told Yuu that if anyone's ever mean to her, she'll add them to her pickle jar.

Pleakley is just there to eat food and look pretty. He's very into the gossip and is ready to add drama to the ship war just for fun. He gives horrible love advice though *remembers Lilo and Stitch 2* so don't listen to a word he says.

[vintagegeekculture]

RIP John Jakes, Pulp and Fantasy Author

A man who’s career began in pulp scifi, then was one of the greatest group of fantasy fans turned authors, and who finally ended it as one of the most commercially successful “men’s adventure” paperback novels of the 1970s, John Jakes died at 90 last week. What a life! He started his career in scifi pulp of the 1950s, switching to sword and sorcery action in the 60s, and finally, ending the 70s as one of the top selling authors of the decade. In one guy’s life, you can see the ebb and flow of trends in men’s adventure fiction over the decades.

Let’s start the John Jakes story at the end, and then work our way back. Does this book series above look familiar to you at all? 

If you have grandparents and they live in America, I 100% guarantee the Kent Family Chronicles (also called the Bicentennial Series) are in your Mee Maw and Pep Pep’s house right now. You probably handled them while visiting their house and went through their bookshelves as a child, right next to their Reader’s Digest condensed books, Tai-Pan and Shogun by James Clavell, copies of the endless sequels to Lonesome Dove, and old TV Guides they still have for some reason next to the backgammon set. If your grandparents are no longer with us, you probably found this series when selling their possessions after death. That’s because these things sold in the millions, back when the surest way to make money in writing was to write melodramatic, intergenerational family sagas of grandiose sweep set around historical events. Weighty family sagas, ones critics call bloated and self important instead of “epic,” were a major part of 70s fiction as they were four quadrant hits: men liked them for war, action, and history (every guy at some point must choose between being a civil war guy, or World War II guy) and ladies loved them for their romance and melodramatic love triangles (after all, the Ur-example of this kind of book is Margaret Mitchell’s Gone With the Wind). This was the kind of thing turned into TV event miniseries, and ably lampooned in the hilarious “Spoils of Babylon” series with Kristen Wiig and Toby McGwire, which, decades after the fact, did to this genre what Airplane! did for the formerly prolific airport disaster movie: it torpedoed it forever by making it impossible to take seriously.

This genre eventually went away because men stopped being reliable book buyers and book readers in the 1990s (or at least, were no longer marketed to as an audience), Lonesome Dove’s insane popularity was the last gasp of this audience. I’ve said this before, but men and boys no longer reading is the single most under remarked on social problem we have. “YA books” now basically mean “Girl Books.” 

John Jakes did not suddenly come out of nowhere to write smash hit bestsellers set around a family during the American Revolution. He came from one of the weirdest places imaginable: a crony of L. Sprague de Camp and Lin Carter in fantasy and weird tales fanzines like Amra, he was one of the original “Gang of Eight,” people drawn from fantasy and horror fandom to become pro-writers now that fantasy fiction had a home at Ballantine Publishing, just before the rise of Lord of the Rings and the paperback pulp boom, which is an incredible case of being in the right place at the right time. There, John Jakes, a fanzine contributor and ERB fan, wrote “Brak the Barbarian,” which is amazing as L. Sprague de Camp and Ballantine hadn’t even reprinted the Conan stories yet and Conan was as well known as Jirel of Joiry or Jules de Grandin. Only superfans of pulp knew who that guy was at all, there was no audience for it. He wrote Brak the Barbarian as a superfan, and was lucky the paperback market found him. 

The tireless work John Jakes, Lin Carter, L. Sprague de Camp, and the Gang of Eight did in preserving fantasy novelists of the pulp age into the 50s-60s is one of the great historic feats of preservation and keeping fandom flames alive. It’s no exaggeration to say that you know who Conan the Barbarian and HP Lovecraft are right now because of them, fans who kept the flame alive tirelessly and thanklessly in the ultra-rational 50s that had no place for dark horrific fantasy. 

Like his friend in fantasy and pulp fandom, L. Sprague de Camp, John Jakes started as a scifi guy in the endless scifi pulp magazines of the 1950s. Unlike his friend de Camp or Hugh B. Cave, who were full of humor, characterization, and satire, Jakes was often pessimistic, dour, and downbeat, and he disliked to laugh.  

It’s shocking to lose someone with a connection to, in one lifetime, the first great group of fantasy fandom, 50s scifi pulp, and 70s men’s adventure. John Jakes’ life spanned all of them. 

[briqkpile]

Small Blossutch "Drabble", Blossom wuvs him

"Your idea is dangerous!" Blossom said, looking back up at Butch.

"Don't you like a bit of danger?" Butch replied, grinning.

"Dangerous to civilians, and it's my duty as a Powerpuff girl to uphold this town's safety." Blossom responded, her tone annoyed.

"Everybody's a critic nowadays!" Butch replied, putting his hands in the air and rolling his eyes. Blossom's eye twitched. 

"Having a lovers quarrel, aren't we." Brick told them, walking into the house with Bubbles in hand. Blossom looked over at Brick and then to Butch-- Lovers? As if. Her face still flushed, despite that.

"You two really do act like boyfriend and girlfriend sometimes!!" Bubbles chimed in, adding in a giggle, arm around Brick. Blossom didn't know how to respond to that one.

Even my own sister? Her thoughts rushed to. Butch probably didn't think this hard about what they had said. "You're saying we're dating?" Butch asked, a stupid question.

"No, you two just act like it!" Bubbles said, Brick nodded in response, taking out a sucker from his pocket and giving it to Bubbles. "We're not saying you're dating, but I wouldn't be surprised if you ended up getting together."

"Like you guys aren't fucking each--" Butch told Brick and Bubbles, getting cut off by "Hey. Don't say that." Brick said, he was being extra cautious.

"And we're not dating anyways, she just likes hanging around me." Brick told Butch, "Yo pinkie, you still caught up on what I said." Brick asked, a laugh almost escaping his lips. 

Blossom was sent back to reality. "What? No, no, I mean. It's not like Butch and I even get along that well, at least not as lovers--" 

"Whatever you say, Bloss~" Bubbles told her, taking the sucker out of her mouth, walking arm in arm with Brick to the living room. "You guys should really stop arguing right near the entrance. It's stupid." Brick told them simply on his way out.

"I'm going with them, see ya later, hot stuff." Butch intentionally provoked Blossom. He's a mess. She thought, holding onto what Brick said. Clutching it in her hands.

But what was she thinking-- she would never like someone like him. He's gross, weird, he's irresponsible with his health, he intentionally provokes her. Yet she keeps on hanging around. Why? She thought.

Why couldn't she get him out of her head. Why couldn't she stop enjoying his presence, hanging out with him, and lov- liking him?

What was this feeling she had, she couldn't stop it. Someone like him?

Oh? Oh.

It was because she was in love. She was deep in love. She shouldn't admit it, she couldn't she- she should. She should really tell him. She should act on it. He isn't the perfect person, he never will be. But something about him has drawn her.

"Butch--" She ran into the living room, grabbing his hand. "What? What do you want--" 

"Come with me." Blossoms stated, to Butch it sounded like she was pissed. Was she? At herself, for liking an idiot- no, LOVING an idiot like Butch. 

She brought him outside the house. "It's raining"

"I know." She said.

"I thought you wouldn't like rain, would ruin your 'perfect hair'", he mocked.

"I don't care about being perfect right now." She stated, slightly aggressively-- tough oblivious to it.

"That's so unlike you." Butch told her. Blossom didn't care about the words, the oh so stupid words coming out of his mouth.

She could feel the rain, drenching her bow. It was a night, nobody was outside besides them. It was late in the night-- minimal lights were on, puddles were forming.

The only luminescence that they could see was the street light, holding up above them. Blossom went in first. 

She stood herself up, Butch's taller stature allowing her to get on her tippy-toes.

She put her hand on his face, he flinched. Allowing himself to get caught off guard. 

Her lips met his, her eyes closed. Butch realized exactly what was happening.

He brought her legs up so she could hold on, grabbing her butt to hold her on. He felt the rain drench his hair, flattening it. 

And I just put in hair gel, too. He thought, but that wasn't important. What was important was her.

Blossom took her face away from his, looking back into his eyes. "You're the worst." Blossom said, making herself laugh.

"It wasn't a secret." Butch told her.

"FUCKING FINALLY" Buttercup yelled back at them, walking down the street, sharing an umbrella with Boomer.

"We're not official yet." Blossom told her sister. "Well, we could be." Butch said, still holding her. 

"Am I missing something?" Boomer said, clueless. "Nothing much, pretty boy." Buttercup told him.

ALSO ON AO3

[unpopularhorroropinions]

The Conjuring sucks and doesn't deserve the popularity it gets

Now that I've got your feet wet, I'l start diving into the REAL hot takes. Spoilers ahead.

When I first watched The Conjuring, I didn't hate it, although I did groan at the exorcism scene at the end. Why? Because how many exorcisms do we gotta see that have the possessed floating in the air? Granted, I loved Belzebuth despite it doing the exact same thing with a crucified victim, but at least as a whole, it was different.

I've mostly forgotten The Conjuring now. Guess it really just had that effect on me. All I really remember is the aforementioned exorcism and that there were almost always lights on (which annoyed me to no end and really killed the atmosphere they were going for). I also hear people saying it's better than Sinister, which is a movie I adore for its originality and because it genuinely scared me. In comparison, The Conjuring does nothing new and is just a generic haunted house movie. Some people love it for precisely that reason, that's fine. I don't understand it, but it's fine. Still seems ridiculous that the MPAA would slap it with an R-rating on the basis that it's "too scary" for PG-13, even though there is absolutely nothing in there that a PG-13 audience couldn't handle. I mean, we grew up with the likes of rotten.com and Stephen Gammel's illustrations for Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark.

However, my perception of The Conjuring changed from a mediocre and banal haunted house flick undeserving of the praise it gets to an odious piece of shit when I found out the sort of people the Warrens really were. They made money off of the people they "helped", literally demonized their critics, shot staged photographs of their hauntings, and most disgustingly of all, Ed groomed a 15-year-old girl, and Lorraine was okay with it. All this was in addition to the exploiting some genuinely gullible families who truly believed the hauntings were real Don't believe me? Your search engine is your friend. Obviously, the Warren family denies these allegations, but the numerous testimonies don't paint a pretty picture. I dunno about you, but I'm more inclined to believe the people who weren't looking to make a quick buck off of discredited hauntings and vulnerable people.

Maybe I'm a little bit of a hypocrite in this regard. I see Bubba Ho-Tep as a masterpiece, despite Elvis being outed as a rather sleazy person who was up to some highly questionable shit. But I would rather take a single weird, introspective dramedy about aging and regret that just happens to use Elvis to illustrate its overarching message and features a soul-sucking mummy, over a generic billion-dollar grossing franchise that adds nothing new to the horror genre and continues to paint a duo of con artists in a positive light. None of my criticisms are even getting into it being Christian propaganda, which it most certainly is, but then, so is The Exorcist, which was actually great and The CONjuring chooses to riff on at the end.

I haven't bothered with any of the sequels or spinoffs. Why would I? The first movie was entirely unremarkable to me. If the Warrens weren't such awful people, I might have reluctantly given the franchise the benefit of the doubt. That just isn't the case, though.

[dreamspelunker]

The Art of Dread: A Case for Skinamarink

The most common criticisms I’ve heard of the indie horror flick Skinamarink comes in two flavors. One says that it needed tighter editing and could’ve been about half an hour shorter. The harsher sentiment is that it was just outright too slow and boring. At the theater viewing I went to, the guy sitting next to us fell asleep. I overheard another group laughing about how one of their own was jostled awake halfway through because she also faded out at the beginning.

Me, I was riveted to this movie. I could not tear my eyes away. From moment one, I knew I was about to enter a different theatrical experience. So I sank back into my seat and allowed myself to be abducted. And I came out of this movie unable to get it out of my craw.

I’m a horror movie buff. I love a good creepshow. My tastes vary, but in general, the kind of horror I enjoy is either campy or artful. Either give me a good time, or really put me through the wringer. Skinamarink is firmly in the latter. It is art in the most literal sense. As such, it won’t be for everyone, but everyone should watch it at least once.

***From here on, this will be a spoiler-rich discussion. I’m going to get into themes around this movie. If you haven’t seen it already, I really, really, really cannot stress enough that you should go into it knowing next to nothing. It’s a movie to be experienced, and the less you know, the more it will destroy you on its way out. So go submit yourself to it before you read on, and be warned.

Also, CW for discussions about abuse and extremely doom-pilly thoughts.

As we left the theater, I overheard a girl Cinema Sins-style dinging certain details to her friends. “All I could think about was the kid’s rations,” she said. One of them laughed at her a bit, teasing her about her use of the word rations. What I thought as I passed her was, Girlfriend, that’s all it took to take you out of the movie??

Someone that literal-minded was never going to enjoy the experience of watching Skinamarink. The best way to approach a movie like this is best described in this clip from The Big Chill:

This movie is about the vibes. The plot is extremely minimal, basically summed up in the one line synopsis displayed on every showtime: “Two children wake up in the middle of the night to find their father is missing, and all the windows and doors in their home have vanished.” That is the movie right there. You literally sit and watch that idea unfold.

It’s similar to the work of Junji Ito in sense that the main character is the concept itself. The actual people on screen aren’t really the main focus, nor is any sort of identifiable plot. Instead, the film places you inside itself almost existentially. The camera shows shots of things around the rooms of the house. Light fixtures. Toys on the floor. Angles of doors and baseboards. The impenetrable darkness of unlit interiors. All weird, off-putting angles that look like you just lied down on the floor and are staring up at nothing in particular. Dialogue is delivered off-screen, and most of the action is done through shots of feet or objects moving in and out of frame. Most of the time, all you can hear are the sounds of movement, and through most of the film, you’re never really sure who exactly is moving. There is no soundtrack, no music except through diegetic noise, and there’s a quality to the way the sounds were recorded that has a strange uncanniness. It’s very similar to the experience of watching the work of Jan Svankmajer, a Czech stop-motion director known for his creepy surrealist style. Nothing ever sounds or looks quite right.

Due to the VHS effect layered over the entire film, every shot, especially the darkest ones, becomes a constant source of anxiety. I was reminded of an Hbomberguy video produced about five years ago about the effect VHS has on the viewing experience. I highly recommend watching the whole thing, but for a brief snippet, the relevant part for what I’m talking about is between 10:55 - 12:30.

Skinamarink utilizes this visual to constantly trick your eyes into thinking something might be moving when it isn’t. Or is it? You stare at the screen long enough, and the low-res quality just on its own begins to look like a mass of squirming maggots. Even when nothing’s there, something’s there, and it creates a strange constant anxiety that kept me on the edge of my seat the entire runtime.

This quality is the reason why I think that cutting the movie with tighter editing would be doing it a disservice. Yes, it’s a slow burner. Even while I was watching it I knew this one will be a hard to get through a second time. It is an incredibly slow movie. But the slowness is part of the point. You stare into the void, and see what you need to see. If it were trimmed down, that would give you relief, and this movie is not here to relieve you. It forces you into a headspace where you are dragged into watching babies exist in the presence of an evil that is never seen or named. The whole time, you keep up hope for an end. You keep thinking, where’s this going? You watch this horrible thing torment them and mutilate them and do whatever it wants with them, and you keep on watching, holding out on that hope for a plot will come along and save them, and bring some salient point. It is only towards the end, with maybe fifteen or twenty minutes to go, when the words 572 DAYS comes up on screen, that you realize this movie was never going to give you hope.

This is the art of dread. It’s reminiscent of the classic short story I Have No Mouth, And I Must Scream (in the case of Kaylee, it’s literally that). It’s that idea of being completely helpless before a power that can and will do whatever terrifying thing it wants, and what it wants is to hurt you, and there is no escape. There is no death, there is no time, there is no relief. There is only a cycle of pain and suffering, as seen in the shot of the blood splatters that appear and disappear only to reappear again as Kevin screams while this evil fucking thing laughs. It’s horrible and gruesome, and its effectiveness relies entirely on having spent the last hour and a half watching this inevitable doom slowly crawl towards these children from the dark.

I walked out with two interpretations of this. One is the most literal, that being of domestic abuse. Children by default have no power, and if their parents hurt them, they have no way to escape. There’s heavily implied tension between the father and mother, one the kids obviously pick up on. There seems to be something in particular with the mother. Kaylee explicitly states at one point that she doesn’t want to talk about her. So either she abandoned them due to divorce, or is never around because of work, or, perhaps, actively hurts them in some way, either emotionally or physically. Obedience is a feature of the kids’ behavior, with the evil telling Kevin he took away Kaylee’s mouth because she didn’t do as she was told. The voice is always calling to them from the darkness, and the children do as it says despite being terrified of it or hurting themselves. As if they have no choice. As if they are compelled. It is a behavior children often demonstrate with their parents, even if their parents are unreliable or downright violent to them. Again, I’m drawn to that shot of the blood splatter appearing and reappearing on the ceiling, and I think of the cycles of hurt from the ones we love, on a doomed repeat over and over.

The second interpretation I have is much broader and more abstract. It’s important that the movie states outright at the very beginning that is was made during covid lockdown. When else could a movie like this have been made? That feeling of being trapped permeates this movie to its core. It is the plot, it is the theme, it is the reflection of the real world on display. Beyond covid, though, I think this movie captures a pervasive sense of dread most people have about the world. Everyone seems to have this feeling that something is wrong with the world. Something has gone awry. Something is on the edge of collapse or apocalypse, and there’s a powerlessness that accompanies that. There is no escape from climate change. There is no escape from economic systems that oppress the most vulnerable. Society is a house with no windows or doors, and most days, it feels like all we can do is just sit and wait for the inevitable to happen. The director Kyle Edward Ball said that his inspiration was recurring motives in nightmares, but I think in general these nightmares are manifestations of powerlessness. And that can take form in any shape, at any age.

Throughout the movie, the TV is on constantly, always playing cartoons and providing the only solace from the otherwise dark house. To me, this reads as being about the sanctuary we find in media. When we have no escape in our lives, the books, movies, or social media sites we retreat to become that for us. We find power through the lives and stories of others, whether they are real or not. And it can be fine, even healthy to retreat into that. However, the darkness lies in wait always. In the movie, the light of the TV is the only place the kids can get away from the evil in the house - until it isn’t. Eventually, the evil destroys even that. One of the last lines of the movie is poor little Kevin asking, “Can we watch something happy?”

You can watch something happy. But it will never fully protect you. And that is the dread that squirmy darkness on the screen constantly envelops around you. There will be no resolution to this. Do not hope for it. That is the horror behind it all.

[joethetoonfanandoutcast]

Thoughts on Scamp's Adventure

I wanted to do a script of characters watch and react to this film, but I couldn't decide which characters to use and roast this film properly, so I'll just criticize it right here.

This film might have been fun when I was a kid but as I got older and rewatched it, it became one of the direct-to-video Disney sequels I disliked.

The animation: one of the only redeeming qualities.

The songs:

* "Welcome Home" - just a standard "good morning to the whole town" song that doesn't seem to match a Lady and the Tramp setting and all to show their life in their hometown is great, that they wouldn't change it for anything and that they're getting ready for the 4th of July picnics. Not really inspiring there.

* "A World Without Fences" - I like the 'wanting to be free' theme, but it'd be better from a different character and a different perspective, and not Scamp, as...well, you'll see why, if you haven't already.

* "Junkyard Society Rag" - hardly catchy at all, and though I like Jess Harnell, he's not the best singing voice for a Chazz Palmenterri character, and it was hard to take any of the dogs serious in this number.

* "I Didn't Know That I Could Feel This Way" - I actually thought this song was touching but should have been done with different characters in a different franchise, as I'm not really into Scamp/Angel like I thought I was as a kid. Though, it's also great to hear Herc's singing voice (Roger Bart) and Meg's voice (Susan Egan) having a duet.

* "Always There" - standard sad times montage song just put in there to add length to the film under the "film must be 90 minutes or at least longer than 60" rule

And I liked the pop title ballad version of "Bella Notte" (the song from the original) though it had nothing to do with this film's plot and this film isn't really worth sitting through just to get to that as we see the names of the people involved in this film roll.

The characters:

* Scamp - he's supposed to be a role model to rebellious kids everywhere and we're supposed to find him cute, but honestly, he's rather a spoiled, annoying, cocky, deluded jerkass who's disrespectful to his own father. He may have learned a lesson at the end, but that doesn't save him from winning a "Butthole Protagonist" award, and he doesn't seem to be deserving of a girlfriend either for his actions. Also, it's weird having a grown man, Scott Wolf, voice a pup when he didn't sound young at all.

* Angel - she's supposed to be this perfect girl designed to be the main character's love interest, and while I don't hate her, I find few faults with her. For example, she looks like she could be Scamp's sister and she does end up being his sister in the end (not biologically, but through adoption from the Dears, yet people still want them to be a thing), and she has this bad girl attitude which is supposed to be charming, but it doesn't come off as charming when they're both pint-sized pups. Maybe it'd come off as charming if they were anthros, but not their canon forms.

* Tramp - sadly been struck with the "Simba Sequel Syndrome"

* Lady - The writers sadly did her dirty. She was the main character of the first one and now she's demoted to the wife/mother of main character who gets less lines in favor of the spouse and offspring, just like Nala. And what's worse, is there are no interactions between her and Scamp, to view if THEY would have any connection whatsoever. It's just Scamp and connection with his dad and his selfish dreams of running off to be a wild dog.

Her role is pretty much summed up in this scene:

"Tramp: Like it or not, you are a part of this family, and until you start acting like it, you can just get used to being out here every night!

Tramp left and went inside in anger, while Lady watched Scamp jump on the roof of the dog house. She gave a hopeless sigh, and went inside as well, leaving Scamp alone to calm down."

Honestly, it shouldn't even be called "Lady and the Tramp II", just have it called "Scamp's Adventure" or "Scamp" and regard it as a spin-off since it's his film.

* Annette, Danielle and Collette - it's kind of dumb having them just being carbon copies of each other with no individual personality or characteristics other than "we like baths" or "we're the perfect children and Scamp's a selfish brat" without even remote compassion for him. And two of them are voiced by Kath Soucie. Nothing against her, but it seemed repetitive to have Kath voice all female children in late 90's-early 2000's Disney cartoons, and I don't like her voicing unlikable girls in cartoons with that kind of voice (such as Jenna from Clifford the Big Red Dog, one of the stepsisters from Happily N'Ever After, and others).

* The Junkyard Dogs - they just come off as pale knock-offs of Dodger and the Downtown Dogs from Oliver & Company. They've got a street-smart leader (Buster to Dodger), a tall, sly, attractive female added in there for furbait though contributes little to the plot and hardly anyone talks to (Ruby to Rita), a diminutive dog with an accent (Francois to Tito), a big doofus (Mooch to Einstein), and the remaining member (Sparky to Francis). And like Fagin called his dogs "boys", ignoring Rita's gender, Buster called them all boys, as if no one cared about Ruby's gender

Disney could have tried to make them more likable and unique but this had to be all about Scamp, and we've already got Jock, Trusty, the Dears and Scamp's family having to return as supporting characters.

Of course, out of all of them, Buster is by far the one that is truly loathsome. He's like a mixture of Dodger, Roscoe and/or Desoto with the smug "I'm better than you" attitude and the jock the new kid at high school foolishly looks up to and wants to be like, even if it means getting himself killed in an initiation. And another sickening quality about him is that he constantly flirts with the lead female, Angel, calling her his girl. I just can't stand those characters who are the alpha male who thinks they're entitled to the most intelligent female among the group.

The dog cronies themselves aren't really terrible, and they have subtle sympathy towards Scamp and Angel, but they're still not charming enough. They even laughed like cronies. They seem like nice dogs, but the writers could have done better with them. And remember how I mentioned that Buster referred to them all as "boys", ignoring Ruby and Angel being girls like Fagin ignored Rita's gender? Well, someone at the studio, SOMEONE could have the decency to correct that mistake and have them correct Buster.

Speaking of Ruby, she didn't have much lines at all, as she suffers the same problem with all cartoon Salukis and Afghan Hounds: sentenced to strictly being background furbait with appealing design yet no focus or qualities to make them more likable, and one thing that bothers me is that she and Angel seem to share no positive feels toward each other or negative towards each other, because back in the 2000's, there didn't seem to be a lot of positive female relationships written in cartoons. I really want someone to write a story with them being friends.

As a kid, I oddly enough hardly noticed her myself and didn't even know she was a girl, and it doesn't help that Buster said "boys". Seriously, why do animators and writers not pay enough attention to background characters?

* The Dogcatcher - weak antagonist with an annoying Don Knotts impression given by Jeff Bennett (who did better with the impression as Jonathan the Seagull on Puppy Dog Pals). I didn't even like this character as a kid.

* Otis - a psychotic annoying Rob Paulsen-voiced character no one ever asked for and was not necessary but someone at the Disney animation studio decided to throw in just to keep Rob employed (what, Rob wasn't already voicing plenty of other characters at the time?).

The story itself: boring, lazy, tiresome, predictable, and doesn't really do the first Lady and the Tramp any justice. That's why I decided that doing a word-for-word fanmake of it isn't worth spending time over. JusSonic would be willing to do something like it, but I'm not. I gave him a transcript and summed up the sequel to his version for 2009, so that's enough.

However, it is not the worst Disney sequel ever made. It's fine to watch at least once (and maybe only once). In honesty, I prefer watching the original or the live-action remake of the original over this. And honestly, I feel this should have been remade, not for the sake of nostalgia, but to make it better.

[riverzombie15]

Maru x miner! Reader

This is my very first completed x reader one shot so please keep your criticisms as polite as possible. I am actually trying.

You had moved into Pelican town cause the farmer suggested it. You are a miner and they said that Pelican town has a cave filled with random gems and ores that anyone can take. Its a dream come true.... at first.

Originally the plan was to get as many gems and precious ores as fast as posible and leave in a week or two. But somehow you found yourself exploring the welcoming little town. You went to every store posible and tried meeting everyone, some where more welcoming than others obviously, but everyone got accostumed to you rather quickly.

One day the farmer said they needed to buy some wood and that they would appreciate it if you went and got it. Thats how you ended up walking up to the carpenter shop and stopping in your track. There was a girl sitting there as if waiting. She didnt look up at you, you took note that you had not seen her before but it was probably due to leaving the mine at night and going in the morning. No matter, you still needed wood.

"Uhh is Robin here?" You said

The girl looked up in curiousity and then her faced changed to excitement.

"Oh the new comer." She paused with a smile "No she left for an emergency repair in town. Do you need something?"

"I just need 20 stacks of wood but I can come back later-" you started before getting interrupted by a light chuckle

"No its ok I can do it for her" She got the 20 stacks of wood and handed it to you. You payed for it and she smiled.

"So I heard that you go in the mines all day. Have you found any quartz yet?"she said curiously.

"Yeah, plenty actually" you said enthusiastically.

"I love quartz but my dad would kill me if I went into the mines" she said sighing softly to which you responded by giving her one of yours. You had many and in that weird cave you'll probably find plenty more.

"Here" you said simply to wish she almost freaked out. Almost.

"Are you sure?! This is a super gift!" She said grinning wildly as she looked at the different dimensions of it. "Thank you-??" She looked at you expectingly.

You gave her your name to which she responded with "Maru, i hope we see eachother more" You nodded and waved goodbye as you walked out. Maru. Yeah I hope I see her again.

The next few days you tried catching it her at the house with varieties of success. You had gotten to know her better. She loves science and helps her dad out in his scientific endevors all the time.

You couldnt explain it but you wanted to see her all the time, talk about anything and relax. She was so lovely to be around. However you had to remember you were here to make money not make friends. What would happen when you left? You were leaving....right?

As you made your way down the mines you were distracted with these thoughts. Would you guys even stay friends? Would you even come back? The gems here are wonderful but how often could you come here? The towns people would probably welcome you with open arms(for the most part) but do you want to leave??

Because of this you got corned by 4 monsters. You couldn't take all the attacks at the same time. You panicked that heres were your life would end, in a cave full of monsters while you panic about the logistic of long distance friendships. You feel awfully exhausted as you slowly close your eyes unable to stand for much longer. You sigh before passing out.

.

.

.

You woke up in a panic, sitting up abruptly which led you to pain and dizzyness. You look over your body to find a lot of bandages and then look up to an unrecognized room.

"Oh you are awake" you head snapped to Maru wearing a nurse outfit. What kind of fucked up dream-" you passed out in the mines. There was bruises and cuts all over you. Please be more careful from now on"

Oh yeah, you thought you died. "How long was I out?" You asked wincing at the pain in your back and limbs.

"Only a few hours but its still the next day. Mom said you dropped some items and shes gonna search for them where you were found" she said looking at you a little worried.

"She doesn't have to do that!" you said in a panic. Worried that her fate would be the same as yours or worse.

"Don't worry she's strong and shes not going in for hours with no food" Maru teased trying to lighten the situation.

"I had food! I just, you know, ate it all" you blushed embarrassed.

Maru leaned down to you and sighed "please be more careful. I would hate it if something worse were to happen to you."

Your breath got caught in the back of your throat. She was so close. Her lips were right there... wait-

"Ok?" She said a little bit more sternly, she looked cute with a pouty face...omg-

"Yeah, ok" you said trying to avoid her eyes. There was no way, you had a crush on the girl.

But you did. Oh you so did.

Worst part is that she helicoptered you after the incident. She would fuzz over any injury and made sure you didnt over work yourself. That wouldnt have been fine if you werent falling deeper in love with her every second. Could you tell her? Shes an ideal partner but dating her would defintely mean staying here. Here with the sweetest people youve come to love and the strange tasks you seem to get roped into and the strangeness of the place. Yeah no doubt youd love to stay here but Maru is just that final piece of the puzzle that makes this place feel like home.

So here you were with a basket full of gems and everything maru loved that you carefully put together (honestly putting too much attention on the details at times) and wearing one of the nicest outfits you own just to push things in your favor. It felt so exciting yet wrecking to have this lovely crush on this wonderful girl. You wanted to show her how much you actually cared.

"Oh hey" Robin greeted you at the door "Marus in her room" you nodded as a response blushing as Robin not only correctly guessed who the package was for but also smirked at the young love brooding between you and her daughter.

You made your way to her room. Knocking on the door, praying to Yoba that you dont embarrass yourself in front of her. You almost come undone at the door as your anxiety consumed your thoughts with what ifs and buts. But the door had to open.

She looked up at you muttering your name as she was taken by surprised by the gift. "Its not my birthday" she said jokingly but a blush was still displayed on her face.you cleared your throat, eventually finding your voice.

"I wanted to show you how much a care for you... i didnt really know how to put it into words." You said letting out a shaky breath "i like you... at lot and i would like-love to date you if youd take me"

Maru smiled sweetly at the words that left your mouth. She took the gift and put it out of the way before engolfing you in a hug. "Yes id love that, id love to be your girlfriend" she said grinning happily.

You guys hugged a little longer. "Im so happy i came to this strange little town, im so glad i met you."

[rruffian]

poor things

endless bitching under cut

feeling pissy about the movie and the polarized reactions to it, because the movie adds up to none of what it's being criticized or praised for. it's not effective as satire OR feminist commentary OR a story of self-discovery, but neither is it an apologia for Born Sexy Yesterday with a horrifying subtext and chilling implications. no more than Titane condones first degree murder or Hannibal advocates cannibalism or Stoker promotes eating shitincest oh god I can’t believe I just typed this stupid sentence, why does this need pointing out.

speaking of, I got through the eye stabbing okay! maybe this means I can try Titane again.

re self-actualization via sex, agency, theory and class consciousness — these should have been distinct chapters, or they should have been interwoven better, or YL could have just stuck with sex as the main vehicle with the other three as counterpoint (especially since the movie is already 3/4 of the way there). chapter 1: children are sometimes sexually active, it’s pretty weird but it’s a thing. chapter 2: when faced with the prospect of arranged marriage with your babysitter, embark instead on a very primal educational sexcapade with a competent douchebag who clearly states his intentions and limitations. chapter 3: sex is not all there is to life in the long term. see also: reading. chapter 4: a grounded take on sex work, poverty and reproductive rights seems out of place here so maybe some utopian brothel revolution scenario where with Bella’s encouragement the patrons discover that consent is sexy, kink morally neutral and highly varied, and pleasure infinite. 5. return home, confidently smirk when called a whore, make the inexplicable choice to marry babysitter after all. maybe he could instead help her overpower the sadistic brute hellbent on genital mutilation? (who btw is her brain’s bio father and her borrowed body’s husband). and then she settles down with her parisian socialist lesbian prostitute lover and former babysitter is her lab assistant. with now-lobotomized brute as their gimp. would’ve loved to see this movie get nominated for 11 academy awards.

Bella’s relationship with sleazebag lawyer is dynamic and well-articulated, and what goes on between her and Godwin is shapeless and aimless in comparison.

almost holds up as a fantasy of autism as radical freedom, where she can keep trotting along, curious, unabashed and undeterred by multiple controlling men simply by virtue of being oblivious to the limits they are trying to set. some of her characterization is inconsistent with this angle, though, and her bluntness mostly reads as disinhibition that she grows out of. she also sheds her speech quirks and unsteady gait, and generally doesn’t look nearly as weird as a Weird Girl should. because of pandering cowards *shakes fist*

bit of a Miyazaki third act thing happening where the fully empowered heroine handles sick dragon/wizard/father figure, transforms menacing witch/spirit/father into demented old lady/his original timid self/goat-man and there is a crabby house servant and devoted sidekicks and also I find her taste in men questionable.

Holly Waddington 🤝 Kate Hawley in that sleeves should be as puffy as structurally possible.

Jerrod Carmichael got saddled with the clunkiest lines imaginable; the actress playing his lady companion is great.

in perhaps the biggest failure of them all, the incredible production design doesn’t quite resonate with any of the themes or evoke a sense of wonder.

the shift from b&w to color is supposed to signify her venturing out of the confines of her childhood home and into the big wonderful world but it doesn't feel that way bc the camera never assumed her POV in b&w in the first place and won't assume it in color either. instead we get the fisheye lens at random times. is it supposed to be like a sardonic Lanthimos thing where he beholds his characters from his voyeur/god POV going, "haha look at these absurd little humans with their foibles and follies and base animal instincts"? i suppose it is only happening when characters are boxed into rooms.

even though this isn’t quite a sex odyssey, the camera should have stayed as attuned to her sensual experience as it had been in the b&w chapter.

going in I thought the premise was haunting and interestingly abstracted from the conventional poignancy of survival, resilience, second chances and what have you. I wondered if having Victoria’s choice overridden in the spirit of scientific inquiry and curiosity would lend the movie a sort of brutally affirming tone, but ultimately she’s too opaque and inconsequential for that. and in no way does Bella narrativize her origin or emote about it, either, she just sees potential for practical application. very dispassionate of YL, very on brand.

The Favorite was genuinely amusing!! this isn’t -_-

all of the above notwithstanding, Emma Stone is impossible to tear eyes away from, though I’m still not convinced that warrants an academy award.

[psionotic]

My Favorite Culture 2023

It's New Year's Eve, so time again for my annual post to this platform! Here are the things I experienced for the first time in 2023 though of course not all of them are from 2023.

—Books—

Tell Me I’m Worthless. There’s something rotten in the haunted house of Albion, and it’s British fascism and increasingly normalized transphobia.

Station Eleven. The world ended, but a small troupe of survivors travel the wasteland, performing Shakespeare and making music.

Friday Black. A collection of science fiction stories that nibble at our social and racial conscience. “Through the Flash” has become one of my favorite short stories.

Klara and the Sun. Another Ishiguro novel narrated by an insightful, sensitive outsider? Check. Sad robots and sick kids? Ow my heart.

Piranesi. A stately, somber fantasy about truth, memory, and identity (re-)formation.

I also enjoyed: Kaiju Preservation Society, The Many Deaths of Laila Starr

Classics I read for the first time: The Scarlet Letter, Billy Budd, Bartleby the Scrivener, Clotel, Little Women, The Awakening, Immortality, Assassin’s Apprentice, Man’s Search for Meaning, The Witching Hour, ‘Salem’s Lot, The Remains of the Day, Between Two Fires, The Leftovers

I was mixed on: Fairy Tale, You Died: An Anthology of the Afterlife

I was bummed out by: California

—Movies—

Godzilla Minus One. Yes, the best movie I saw this year is about a giant nuclear-powered monster. It’s also about found family, redemption, and reckoning with a nation’s trauma—and shame.

Barbie. The anti-Fight Club; an all-singing, all-dancing Jewel of the World.

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse. Come for the visual and auditory wonderlands, stay for the kinds of character stakes that more literary films can only genuflect towards.

Nimona. An adorable sci-fantasy queer allegory anchored by the punk rock snarl of Chloë Grace Moretz.

The Menu. The world’s most feted, reclusive chef (Ralph Fiennes @ maximum menace) throws an invitation-only dinner for some jagoff 1%-ers. Things get weird and then very, very bloody. Also Anya Taylor-Joy is in this and she’s maybe my favorite working actress..?

I also enjoyed: Polite Society, I Tonya, Elemental, The Marvels, No One Will Save You, Two Distant Strangers, Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3, Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves

Classics I saw for the first time: The Haunting (1963), In the Mouth of Madness, Escape from New York, The Warriors, Lady Snowblood, Stalker, Sicario, Hanna, Insidious, Devil’s Pass, Edge of Tomorrow

I was mixed on: Creator, Last Night in Soho [though AT-J does her best!], The Invitation

I was bummed out by: Totally Killer

—TV—

Reservation Dogs. Succeeded Atlanta and Derry Girls as the best show about loveable weirdoes living in fraught circumstances. Now all three are over and I don’t know what to do, except say, “Love you bitches.”

Poker Face. Natasha Lyonne in a Rian Johnson-channeling Knives Out-by-way-of-Columbo joint with fun mysteries, a delicious visual sense, and delightful guest stars playing against type.

Scavengers Reign. Spacefarers separated during an emergency land on an alien world. An alien alien world with a complex, baffling ecosystem. Each is transformed by their experience. Alternatingly beautiful, horrifying, and profound.

Cunk on Earth. In this very British documentary series about the rise (?) of civilization, comedian Diane Morgan (as Philomena Cunk) asks some of the smartest historians and critics some of the dumbest questions imaginable. We’ve watched this maybe ten times this year, and it just keeps getting funnier every single one. Best line: “…they’d probably have a stroke, wouldn’t they?”

I also enjoyed: Silo, Fall of the House of Usher, The Last of Us, Harley Quinn, Scott Pilgrim Takes Off, What We Do in the Shadows, Cyberpunk: Edgerunners, Castlevania: Nocturne, Star Trek: Lower Decks and Strange New Worlds, Last Week Tonight, Taylor Tomlinson’s Quarter-Life Crisis and Look at You, Game Changer

I was mixed on: Star Wars: Ahsoka. Apparently the only nu-SW I can really enjoy is Andor and The Last Jedi…? Sad, this is.

—YT—

Folding Ideas. The best video essay channel covered the Metaverse, BlizzCon, and the GameStop stonks phenomenon this year.

Hbomberguy. The best video essay channel put out only a single video this year, the nearly four hour “Plagiarism and You(Tube)” which broke the internet and ended at least two careers.

Jacob Geller. The best video essay channel put out a half dozen videos this year, covering horror games, “Art in the Pre-Apocalypse”, the non-evolution of execution methods, and more.

Double Fine PsychOdyssey. A 32-part making-of documentary, following an indie game developer trying to build the at-long-last sequel to their most iconic game. During the seven years of development they face personality conflicts, staffing issues, artistic disagreements, the implosion of their publisher, angry fanboys, COVID, near-bankruptcy, a buy-out attempt, and a thousand other obstacles. If you’re interested in game development this is a must, but it’s also highly recommended to anyone involved with or fascinated by making collaborative art under capitalism (theater, film, etc).

—Games—

Baldur’s Gate 3. This was an incredible year for games, but nothing tops Larian Studios’ masterpiece. As good a simulation of an excellent D&D campaign as is possible in the medium, they’ve done just about everything right: deep character creation, memorable side characters and relationships, decisions with consequences that really matter, epic story moments, and satisfying tactical combat through some clever simplifications to the Dungeons & Dragons 5th edition ruleset. People will be talking about (and re-playing) this for a long, long time.

The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom. The follow-up to one of the most creative and joyful open-world games ever made is even better than its predecessor, with a more heartfelt story and an unsurpassed physics and building system.

Alan Wake 2. Remedy’s Stephen King-meets-Twin Peaks classic got its loooong-awaited sequel. One half survival horror, one half hallucinogenic crazy train, all disturbing surreal goodness.

Marvel’s Midnight Suns. A little X-COM, a little Fire Emblem: Three Houses, marrying satisfying card- and turn-based tactical combat with some lovely character work. I never always knew I wanted to go stargazing with Illyana Rasputin, or watch movies with Nico Minoru, and this year I did both of these. (I also went fishing with Blade and joined a book club with Wolverine, so…).

I also enjoyed: Remnant 2, Dead Cells, Marvel Snap, Dead Space (2023), Resident Evil 4 (2023), Spiritfarer, Ratchet & Clank: A Rift Apart, Super Mario Wonder, Mario Kart 8 (booster courses)

Classics I played for the first time: Psychonauts, Portal 2, Rayman Legends

I was bummed out by: Diablo 4 [congrats to my once-favorite developer for earning this spot two years in a row!]

—Albums—

boygenius: The Record. Supergroup of queer indie-rock darlings put out their first LP and it’s top-to-bottom majesty. “Leonard Cohen” and “Not Strong Enough” might be my favorites now, but “True Blue” was my song o’ the summer and I must have spun it up a hundred times.

Mountain Goats: Jenny from Thebes. The first concert I’ve seen post-COVID was the Sacramento leg of the Goats’ recent tour. “Fresh Tattoo”, “Clean Slate”, and “Great Pirates” are highlights.

Susanne Sundfør: Blómi. I think I prefer the more europop-centric installments in Sundfør’s arty europop oeuvre (Ten Love Songs is still my fave), but there are some lovely songs here in art-music land, including the title track and “fare thee well” .

I was mixed on: Janelle Monáe: The Age of Pleasure, Paramore: This is Why.

—Podcasts—

If Books Could Kill. Michael Hobbes and Peter Shamshiri vivisect nonfiction bestsellers about politics, dating, manifesting, getting rich (quick!), and weight loss. Remember kids: Gladwell is a hack.

Just King Things. Two cultural critics who loved Stephen King as teens take up the Roland-ian task of reading and discussing every King book, once a month, for as long as it takes (the current schedule goes through 2028, but Uncle Steve is still pumpin’ ‘em out, so could be a while).

Triple Click. Kirk, Maddy, and Jason’s weekly non-cynical discussions of games and pop culture is my mood-enhancer. They’re gamers, but not Gamers, you understand.

I also listen to: You’re Wrong About, Hard Feelings with Jennette McCurdy, WTF with Marc Maron, The Besties/The Resties, Strong Songs