#look i have never been so strongly into the fuck the canon sentiment until the last 2 chapters of bnha

[kon-konk]

In my head, Dabi got rehab'd and gets to live a (kinda) normal life with the Todoroki family. Yeah, it's hella awkward (mostly for him, Natsuo, and Endeavor...the others are having a "live and let live, forgive but don't forget" kind of time) but they're slowly getting there, even if they're keeping him at arm's length at all times

He definitely still has moments where you can tell the villain gears are turning, but he hasn't acted on whatever he's thinking. At least, they think he hasn't acted on it.

Technically Dabi's on some sort of probation for the foreseeable future and isn't allowed outside of the house without Shoto or Enji's supervision, but he claims he doesn't want to leave the house all that much anyways because he's trying to make up for lost time

They're trying to do family bonding things but none of them know how those are supposed to work

[weirdmageddon]

why i think aradia and john work so well

(with some stuff i’ve been wanting to yap about for ages)

have you guys ever given arajohn / johnradia (idk if its popular enough to even have a standardized ship name) any thought …? i know it seems kind of out of left field. i’ve considered it and i think its. really really good. i have a bunch of thoughts to unpack. come join me. and maybe grab a snack or something because i didn’t realize how much i'd actually have to say about this

(fantastic art by skeletood)

the other day i made a tweet that did rather well where i said, “john and aradia shouldve talked more. its so simple but i like how she actually earnestly answers his questions. so many characters in this comic are so mean to john for just wanting to know more give him a break”

putting it out there now im not big about shipping for the sake of shipping. there needs to be real chemistry. i need to sense that as a reason why two characters would potentially be a good influence on each other. i never knew why i was always so obstinate about this because it’s fictional and not materially hurting anyone, but i think it might be because i’m not sure how to justify it or explain it if not.

i strongly believe john and aradia would have had it made out for them if circumstances allowed it. (what i mean by “ship” or “johnradia” extends to any kind of interpersonal dynamic, even if just a good friendship. it doesnt even have to be romantic, just some sort of dynamic with them.)

unfortunately aradia originally committed herself to staying out of trolling the kids over their timelines, so john and aradia never talked until year 3 on the ship in the dream bubbles but they never had a truly proper one-on-one without outside meddling. i think if john knew aradia better and her story beforehand, she had more time to explain herself and her history, he wouldnt have been unsettled. and also of course if his experience with the trolls didn’t suck so bad because he already had expectations for how antagonizing most of them were.

i found people’s sentiments about johnradia elsewhere too. i remembered that they were both on the song art for ascend, and searched ao3 to see how many fics have been written to gauge how substaintial it’s been in the homestuck fandom. only 17 of them turned up. but the people who do talk about it are either curious about it or really do like it, and that interested me.

clearly it’s pretty niche character relationship to be depicted in any fanwork and i can understand why. despite being so small, from what ive seen it seems universally agreed upon to be nice. i haven’t seen a single person object to it. what ive seen falls into two categories: “wow i didnt think about this before but i actually dig it” or “(starving) finally some good fucking food”

the pattern im seeing is that people think it’s “random”, but i disagree. there is something there substantiating it even if they’re unable to articulate it.

the fanfic these comments are from is chronology of wind. that fic is really, really good, and sadly unfinished. i have more abstract reasons to believe why aradia and john would be good in theory, so actually seeing someone else actually make something with them helped me read it in action, to get a more tangible feel of the dynamic beyond what we have in canon.

i wouldn’t normally make claims about a relationship with regard to homestuck canon by looking at their relationship in a fanfic, because i think you all know by now i am very nitpicky about accurate characterization, and it does not go unnoticed by me when people get it right because for some reason it feels like a one in a million thing (even though it really shouldn’t be?). so this was a special case. the tone was completely consistent with canon. this fic is so in-character i’d basically consider it an extension of canon. to me it’s like they took the same characters and plopped them into this scenario to see how they’d interact. guys… i love that stuff so much. i love fanfiction or fanworks that depict realistic extensions of canon and stays true to the energy and tone of the source, but deepens it. there isn’t enough of it imo. i want to see more of it.

anyway, what i read of their conversations in that fic basically aligned with what i was thinking in my head about what i’d expect it to be like. i was able to compare how aradia and john talked to how aradia and the other characters interacted, their comparative attitudes towards each other—how they’re treated by others compared to how they treat each other.

have you noticed john and aradia’s communication values are both based on sincerity, being in the proper know, treating people fairly, and thanklessly taking on the necessary work that “must be done” in order to have what they really want — a good time that feels meaningful? and they accomplish this without any adjustment in how they talk to each other.

john is always subtly (or not-so-subtly) asking the people around him to answer him soberly and to the point so he knows whats going on and what that means for what his options are. he needs to know to what end he will be applying his absurd energetic drive into making shit happen. aradia honors his time before john can even become uncomfortable with the amount of time being eaten up by conversation. contrast this with rose, who seems to go on for a while with prose-like conversational adornments. in dire situations that need rapid explanation and definitive answers so he knows what to do, this is really the last thing he needs. aradia doesnt waste john’s time. she answers all his questions, and does it politely to boot. his time talking to her doesn't feel wasted.

john's impatience with this sort of nonsense is also why i can’t see something like dirkjohn working out, for example. to me it feels like @entropicbias also deeply understands this on some level because i literally couldn’t have demonstrated what i mean by it any better myself than that. i'm gonna have to to hit him up about how much i genuinely respect that like tbh hes one of the few i absolutely trust to handle writing and depicting these characters in situations and their interpersonal dynamics. and also care about doing their characterization justice as much as me.

of course people are still entitled to like whatever they like, ship whatever they want to. i dont care. but i just don’t think it would work from the perspective of the minds of the canon characters, how they generally think and approach situations. and i can already tell people might ask me how do i know this? what makes me an expert? i’m not more than anyone else is (although i have been called a "characterization expert" from my friends), but i do know that i can pick up on the energetic chemistry between people, including characters, honestly precognitively, without even thinking? like if it’s stiff or tense or awkward, if people aren’t free to express themselves uninhibitedly, if they feel unsafe or uncomfortable. i can sense this almost instantly. it’s something that’s a visceral feeling in my body i cant express and i have to rationalize it after the fact. like i’m doing now in fact writing this big analysis.

> listen to me talk about my special interest boy

for the next section to make sense, you probably want to read this post. i initially started writing it within this post to explain but there was so much brewing i had to explain the context that it turned into something i wanted to post on its own terms.

> okaaaaaayyyyy i read all that

thank you, really. my main point is using the conceptual tools provided by this system to expIain why aradia and john feel nice together and why i’ve seen people positively perceive the idea of a relationship between them even if it seems “random”.

framing them in this system, it wouldn’t be random! there’s a good reason they seem to fit nicely. this is because john and aradia have complementary forms of information metabolism. information metabolism is talked about in this section.

Jung’s psychic types are the types of cognition, or intelligence. But it would probably be easiest to call them types of IM [information metabolism], since the main difference between the types of people lies in their exchange of information with the external world.

Aushra Augusta, Commentary on Jung’s Typology and Introduction to Information Metabolism

aradia megido’s type of information metabolism (otherwise known as a TIM) is LII. john egbert’s TIM is ESE.

aradia and john’s types are duals. you can read more about what that entails here. in theory, their interactions would reflect the duality dynamic. reading chronology of wind, that one really in-character fic that explored their dynamic made me excited because they do!

michael pierce gave an overview of his impression of the characteristics of this intertype dynamic. despite only rough knowledge in socionics while he wrote this, his understanding of duality was spot on to me from my experience and others and i wanted to share it here. (fittingly, i believe he is also LII.)

Now we have the famous duality relationship: in a nutshell, this role is characterized by two traits: 1) a very close psychological distance or intimacy, and 2) a great ease of interacting with each other. It is sometimes described how meeting one's dual can be the event of a lifetime, because it inspires aspects in each party's character that they had never expressed before: the pair may even drop out of society for a time in order to focus on just each other, and to explore themselves through interaction with each other. The curious thing in this relationship is that these parties are rather different in outlook, and when they are not actually interacting as potential friends it's probably more likely for them to dislike or mistrust each other because of how different they are. […] However, when they are able to interact normally, it is a strange and wonderful discovery to realize that the interaction is unexpectedly smooth and invigorating. It's hard for people to describe, but as I understand it: while both parties recognize their differences on the surface, these differences are created by a root structure that coincides perfectly with each other, so that the differences on the surface are entirely complementary and cause no friction at all.

it’s also meaningful to consider that the structure of my own psyche is LII as well. so i’ve got a bit of a bias towards aradia and john.. not in the sense that what i actually say about them is personally biased, but that the bias is moreso my personal attention to people and characters of these two types in particular to see how my own experiences are reflected in them. i really do feel of a reflection of my own thought and work process in aradia and in the more abstract sense she is like an extension of myself. when people say they like aradia as a character i get secondhand joy from that because shares certain specific traits with me. of course i am still my own person though.

these are some of the most apt profiles i've found for these types at a glance. again, think about these characters as you read these descriptions. [from here (ESE / LII)]

ESE (Ethical-sensory extrovert) - john

The trademark quality of this type is a focus on socializing and guiding social situations and interactions so that the people involved can have fun and enjoy themselves. ESEs are typically in the middle of what is happening socially and know about the latest events and what people think and feel about them. They are skilled at bringing people together in fun and interesting ways and making everyone feel actively involved. Their friends know them as people who love life and feel most at home in social situations surrounded by other fun people. In their pursuit of fun-oriented and stimulating social interactions, ESEs typically neglect to structure their own thought processes and views in a way that would help them know exactly what they think and why. They are receptive to others’ attempts to help them introduce more structure and logical consistency in their life and thinking processes. They gravitate most to people who open up to fun and emotional interaction easily, yet are also skilled at systematizing thoughts and views and explaining ideological matters.

LII (Logical-intuitive introvert) - aradia

The trademark quality of this type is a focus on logical, structured thought and generating true assertions and views. LIIs are typically strict thinkers who are concerned that everything fits together in a logical way. They are skilled at understanding, generating, and criticizing logical arguments and instilling their views in the people around them. Their friends know them as people with well-organized thoughts and opinions who know what they think and can elucidate their ideas to others. In their pursuit of logical understanding, LIIs typically neglect their external social interactions and activities that would help them lighten up and experience a connection with other people. They are receptive to others’ attempts to create these fun and lighthearted situations for them. They gravitate most to people who are interested in their opinions and understanding of things, but are also skilled at organizing social interactions and creating a sense of emotional unity.

ive recently consciously experienced the feeling of duality for the first time since i've been communicating with my mom's high school classmate, and it is definitely a real thing. i even remember mom pointing out she noticed when we were all talking on the phone over a year ago that i perked up whenever he said stuff. here is how i explained it:

its bonkers how only once i experience something for myself i’m able to explain in detail what makes it so great based on what my impressions about it were because i tend to have a peculiar way of describing the qualities of an experience. my specialty is deep precision in my analogies for what it’s like. so now i can tell you how conversations with your dual feel… heres the status report. it’s weightless. its so strange. like the topic conversation stretches into infinity that you can pick right back up at any time. it’s hazy and unfocused but still pleasant (unless you’re particularly self-conscious and need to unlearn hiding your true self). but the best parts of it come when you have a specific issue or insecurity that comes with being your most natural self that the world seems to misunderstand about you, or just not give you what you don't even know you’ve been looking for. i think you might mutually intimidate each other at first because you're lowkey both expecting to be made fun of for your inadequacy with certain types of information that the other is nuanced with (and you’re not), but it never comes. you don't feel like what your dual wants in life is wrong. your dual seems so talented in all the ways you hope to shine but you’re always unsure of. for the introvert (me) wishing they felt their own active presence as an object (Se, Ne, Te, Fe) like the extravert does. for the extravert, wishing they felt their own relationships with other objects (Si, Ni, Ti, Fi) like the introvert does. any other intertype relationship (ITR) vs. duality is like the difference between 99% and 100% totality of a solar eclipse, except it’s the level of understanding with another person, like the eclipsing of your own information metabolism with theirs. of course there are other things that influence how well your relationship with this person goes, but i am talking strictly about when it comes to basic communication, the level of understanding you share. sometimes it might feel like you dont have much to talk about or the topic is unfocused, because you two ARE opposites in many ways after all, especially at a glance (domain of interests usually come with specific macroelements. theories about thought structures—like socionics, for instance—are in the domain of intuition, while physical interests and experiences are in the domain of sensorics.) i’m LII in the NT club (researchers) and my dual ESE in the SF club (social-communicative). so they’re constantly providing you with information from their own niche in life that you may be entirely unfamiliar with, but for some reason still interests and relaxes you to hear. you might not feel like you have a lot to say about the topic since but you are fully amazed by this person’s activity. it also makes you feel more sure of yourself and more confident that people truly appreciate and need your natural abilities.

> let’s break it down

here’s some lightly modified descriptions of the information blocks in LII and ESE's information metabolism models from pyatnitsky so you can get an overarching impression of how their type contributes to the informational sphere. i added some of my own adjustments and borrowed some sentences from stratiyevskaya's descriptions. additionally, you can click on the name of the block for an explanation of the role it plays.

i put about a week’s work into these collages but my goal with them was to actually show where i think these information blocks are most pertinent in these characters specifically and where they apply so it’s not just some abstract thing, just as supplementary examples as needed. (for the meaning of these information elements individually you can refer to cysia’s document.)

LII (Logical-intuitive introvert)

EGO (-Ti? -> -Ne!). Analytical thinking. They are well aware of the interrelationships of some objects or phenomena with others, and what laws are in effect or not in effect. On the basis of a comprehensive analysis, they put forward insights about the global essence of specific objects and phenomena, their possibilities. They acutely charge the situation with potential energy. For every situation, there is an archetype.

Super-EGO (-Fi? -> -Se!). Normative ideas about relationships between people and ways to get out of unpleasant ethical situations. Understands ethics as founded on the principles of fairness; to do to one side of the equation that you do to the other. Volitional manifestations in order to protect their living space are carried out only on the basis of personal experience. Because of the limited opportunities to fight back, they react painfully to attempts of any interference in his life. Does not respond to any arbitrary crudeness or volitional pressuring. Does not compromise goals, stubbornly clings to them. Avoids direct confrontation if possible, would rather talk civilly and earnestly. Uses their naturally strong sense of the conditioning of objects over time to avoid collisions with their material interests. Due to this, they may appear as someone with very little weaknesses.

Super-ID (+Fe -> +Si?) Attracts information about a good mood, a specific positive state, or a feeling. They would like to think that they can eliminate serious inconveniences, make the environment around them more comfortable. This skill needs to be evaluated. They are unconsciously activated when there is a need to make the environment more comfortable, which should lead to a better state, raise the mood at least in the immediate environment. In friendly, comfortable, and informal company, their cool exterior thaws and they start lighting up with joviality.

ID (+Te! → +Ni?). Has developed guidelines and methods that relate to specific practical activities, technological effectiveness, and resource use. Spontaneously feels the correct allocation of resources over time, which allows them to effectively solve tasks at an unhurried pace. This pace is deeply rational in nature.

ESE (Ethical-sensory extrovert)

EGO (+Fe! -> +Si?). Perception of the world is fundamentally emotional. Feels the emotional atmosphere well in any situation, knows the relevance of the way of expression, the place and weight (importance) of the internal state in each situation. Flexible approach to solving problems of managing and expressing emotions. They show bright emotionality both negative and positive. Creatively produces around themself comfort, coziness, conveniently arranges space, surrounds others with beautiful things, changing thereby the general condition and mood. Usually opinionated about their tastes.

(wow i really went all out on that this one that tumblr wont even display it in full resolution, so here. john just has so many more lines to choose from, sorry!)

Super-EGO (+Te! -> +Ni?). Practical and technological thinking is tightly based on acquired knowledge and patterns of solving similar problems. Methods of business activity in both general and specific areas are selected based on the opinion of reputable sources, or adjusted to one of the mastered templates. Predicting specific changes in the sphere of their interests is carried out only on the basis of personal experience. He is not able to compare his own method of forecasting with others, so he is sensitive to criticism of poor timing or deadlines, does not like situations that feel like a waste of his time; he is lost in connection with negative events. Guided by purely personal experience, he chooses specific times and deadlines for various tasks with a normative understanding of business activity in general.

Super-ID (-Ti? -> -Ne!). Attracts information about the order, specific logical relationships in the field of activity or interests. Needs someone to suggest specific ways to make connections between phenomena, patterns, and rules. Tries to be reasonable himself, even though he knows that this is not characteristic of him. Sometimes he openly talks of his actions that were poorly reasoned through, as if inviting other people to laugh at his thoughtlessness. The ordering and systematization of thought opens up a new way of understanding of events that are happening around him, as well as new prospects, potential, and capabilities. He likes to think that he understands the essence of a situation and lights up with new ideas. This skill needs to be evaluated. It is unconsciously activated when it is necessary to create order, clear consistency and clarity on a particular issue, especially if their abilities are recognized.

ID (-Fi? -> -Se!). Involuntarily keeps track of communications in their social circle. Without hesitation, they use a variety of ways to establish and maintain relationships that have been developed in his personal practice. Good relationships are important for personal inner confidence in a situation. To prevent unfavorable relationships, they are inclined, often without even realizing it, to act with pressure, forcing a showdown, forcing the partner to change the relationship for the better. Frequently demonstrates his resoluteness, persistence, and purposefulness, as if proposing his behavior as a model for imitation. Usually tells in much detail what obstacles were created before him, and how he overcame them, what he was told in response, and what he replied with, and so on and in the like.

(full res)

you might be able to see already how they would complement each other's thought process nicely. here are some descriptions of what the communication between these types is like:

+Fe! : program function of ESE and dual-seeking function of LII

The ESE periodically tells emotionally charged "program" function stories, telling of how somebody has acted and what they have done. The main orientation of ESE's leading ethical program is: "No one should be offended." The LII carefully listens to these statements, and, demonstrating a full understanding of these issues, develops logical basis for them, e.g. in calm persuasive voice he explains how the ESE has acted justly and fairly. The effusion of turbulent emotions coming from the ESE is counterbalanced by their absorption by the LII, who breaks them down into fragments by asking clarifying questions of the ESE.

-Ti? : dual-seeking function of ESE and program function of LII

The ESE is tuned to accepting information when it's relayed in clear logical form. He issues requests for logical explanations delivered from a point of view of generalized rules underpinning specific life events, which he receives from the LII, who delivers clear unambiguous interpretations, places the dots over all "i's", and demonstrates good understanding of problems that are of concern to the ESE. Not receiving information of this kind, the ESE begins making demands of those around him to be "intelligent" and understand the reasons of his actions.

-Ne! : activating function of ESE and creative function of LII

The ESE feels uncomfortable if he doesn't extend his help to people who are in need of it. His subconscious orientation is: "care and guard the talented", be kind and attentive towards other people. The LII usually meets such criteria by proving in action his aptitude at uncovering hidden capabilities, winning trust, passing on the knowledge. The ESE creates supportive conditions for people who are capable but lacking in assertive "push-through" qualities, among whom the LII finds himself, and a special work regime that protects such individuals from overloads on sensing functions. Newly discovered possibilities inspire and promote the pragmatic and business-oriented activities of the ESE. He can support a new undertaking or initiative with an enormous amount of energy and enthusiasm, light up by new ideas. Only the LII is able to, even having a vague general notion about the subject, construct a developed theory or idea of any issue. This theory shows to be promising in the process of its concrete application within its field.

+Si? : creative function of ESE and activating function of LII

LII tries to take care of their well-being, but may gravitate towards demonstrative asceticism, exhaust himself with work, studies, or exercise. The ESE periodically takes care of creating an environment that "charges" the LII with pleasant sensations: a reception of guests, a good meal, a visit to a theater or a concert, an interesting trip, and so on. At the same time the ESE takes pleasure in this himself.

+Te! : role function of ESE and observing function of LII

The role function of the ESE manifests as business-oriented activity and initiative, supplying interesting information, provision with material assistance to those who are in need, general restlessness and fussy busyness. This function is normative, i.e. the ESE seeks to comply with the norms and accepted ways of doing things. The nuancing of the understanding of these norms, i.e. introduction of activities that go beyond them, is possible only by considering LII's advice and recommendations. The LII serves as a director of this function, adjusting its workings by advocating the necessity of practical application of some beneficial ideas, rejection of useless though spectacular ideas, and the need to ensure standards of life not below average by rejection of equalization.

+Ni? : vulnerable function of ESE and demonstrative function of LII

The ESE poorly feels the flow of time, both physical, which manifests as running late and poor distribution of his strengths over time, and historical, which manifests as poor ability to anticipate consequences of actions and tendency for traditional ways of solving problems. The ESE finds it difficult to make radical choices. The LII fully takes this aspect onto his shoulders. He has an unconscious ability to distribute activities in time, thereby avoiding work stress and overloads, and is capable of making a radical choice. The LII is able to calmly wait and in the necessary moment get to work when the wasteful fussiness of the ESE reaches its critical point.

-Fi? : ignoring function of ESE and role function of LII

On this function the ESE gives advice and makes demands concerning the creation of appropriate psychological distances in form of proper behavior, courtesy and politeness, denouncing rudeness and boorishness. In this manner, the ESE adjusts LII's role function, which in itself contains a set of large psychological distances: a sullen stubborn look, unsociability, etc. With such fine-tuning it becomes easier for the LII to come into contact with people, whereby he becomes more animated, resolves many of his ethical problems that previously frightened him, gains greater insight into human relationships and a more accurate understanding as to whose side to take in situations of conflict.

-Se! : demonstrative function of ESE and vulnerable function of LII

The LII finds it very difficult to exert pressure on other people from his own will and initiative, especially in cases when he needs to attain something for himself. He finds this difficult to do - to press ahead in certain situations, to gather all the required paperwork, to stand in lines and queues, to petition for his own interests, even the ones that are of vital importance to him. He finds it difficult to push a person away, to sharply refuse someone, to quarrel loudly and defend his rights, to put an end to relations that have exhausted themselves. The ESE doesn't directly affect this function, i.e. he doesn't verbally criticize and teach the LII on this aspect, but takes over its functioning completely. The ESE exerts a constant, sometimes intrusive and imposing pressure on other people if there is a need to achieve something, to defend justice and demand fair treatment, to protect interests of those who are close and dear to him. The ESE goes to the right jurisdictions, inspires people around him and directs them towards work and purposeful activity, keeps up a high pace of life himself, and breaks off relations with those who don't deserve trust.

and some miscellaneous excerpts from literature i liked a lot. (i can't remember the sources i used since i've been working on this on and off, for the past week and i was just spilling things onto the post. i think stratiyevskaya?):

Mood - that’s what matters in this dyad - emotions and feelings. Anything that suppresses and overshadows good mood is considered unethical in this dyad and is strongly condemned.

The ESE does not allow the LII to limit him in the possibilities of consuming the amount of pleasures and joys, which he considers to be necessary and sufficient. Fortunately, both partners in the dyad - LII and ESE - are obstinate and unyielding. Both are demanding, unwilling (and not allowing anyone else) to lower the bar of their requirements, unable to give in and make concessions (especially in anything that is of principle for themselves). Both know how to make their partner reckon with their interests and insist on the fulfillment of their demands.

LII is impressed by the emotional generosity of ESE and his spiritual responsiveness. All this finds the deepest understanding in LII, since he is tuned to the same priorities and values. For his part, ESE admires the ability of LII to speak clearly and definitely on every issue. ESE is struck by the harmony of the reasoning of LII, the amazing clarity, accuracy and laconicism of his statements. To ESE it seems that for LII, there is nothing incomprehensible in this world; he can give a comprehensive explanation on every issue. And everything that ESE thought about before is gradually being built into a definite and clear system of views, which he can now very freely and naturally present. Confusion and chaos in his worldview gradually gives way to a stable logical order, as if someone patient and careful was sorting all his thoughts into shelves. Such clarity inspires and activates ESE; he begins to see some prospects for himself, new opportunities. His energy and activity, in addition to emotional and ethical expression, also receives sensory realization: ESE begins to take care of LII and carefully looks after him. If LII is a colleague with whom ESE is especially pleasant to communicate with, he begins to treat him with something tasty, homemade; will make some small, but beautiful and necessary gift (for example: new cologne or a warm scarf).

> okay that's great and all but when are we talking about john and aradia specifically?

yes, that was the point of this post. i just had to build all that up first so i could walk you through my thoughts in a fully substantiated way.

considering chronology of wind again, john doesnt realize it but he needs aradias frankness and insight. even if she’s unable to explicate on vague things, she states the reason why instead of making him feel stupid (it would create a doomed timeline) but thats all john needs to hear. she is self-effacing and only tells him the truth, and we know other people can take advantage of john’s suggestibility in this way. aradia tells john who is or isnt trustworthy, what actions would be useful/necessary and which ones wont, without any selfish personal motive a la vriska or terezi.

^ (juuuust the record my nitpicky ass doesn’t agree with the truth of the classpect interpretation on behalf of the author in the last bit BUT that is beside the point here. the point is that she is answering john’s question in a way that is meaningful for him)

aradia doesnt realize it but she needs john’s friendy goofiness to brighten her up because she is surrounded by people who antagonize her when she’s literally not even trying to get under anyones skin. everybody gets frustrated at her “spooky nonsense” because theyre afraid of their own mortality, basically telling her to put a lid on it because thinking about hard truths makes THEM personally uncomfortable. but to her it’s always just been a fact of life. plugging your ears to reality is ignorance, but at the same time that doesn’t mean there’s no meaning in anything. she wants to help people see this and she dedicates herself to becoming a psychopomp for the deceased and earnestly trying to make people feel emotionally and physically comfortable in their situation through exploring their memories.

john isn’t hostile towards her. by being herself she is immediately able to earn john’s trust when they initially talk. this is also true in canon; the one time they talked when john initially comes up to her, saying “can i ask you something? seem reasonable, and pretty nice.” unfortunately he asked her the one question she didn’t have much to say about, and i can’t blame him for expecting all the troll girls to be basically insane at that point. but i don’t think aradia is insane. yes she is odd, but i think it’s evident that she has a good head on her shoulders with knowledge of the way the universe around her works, and in the end wants to simply bask in watching it play out. i think she deserves to get childishly excited about it, especially considering she was dead for most of her developmental years.

aside from getting his answers answered, john shows curiosity about her and her species and even care about her well-being and state. this naturally comes from their conversation’s ebb and flow. aradia tells this straightforwardly, without bells and whistles and without trying to trick him, unlike the other trolls who seem keen on well..trolling him.. and providing him with unclear answers to those sorts things. maybe aside from vriska, but she did have a little bit of an attitude about it wherein her and john’s dynamic felt uneven or off-rhythm, with a large psychological distance. it’s a different feeling with aradia, however. they exchange information on the same rhythm and so are able to achieve a closer psychological distance in communication.

there are no judgments coming from aradia about john being “stupid”. she doesn’t underestimate him. it’s not just that john wants to understand (although he does), but he needs to understand what he is doing. aradia compliments john about the traits he possesses that allow him to be effective. i guess in a way i’m doing the same thing with john right now.

john is so mobile and strung along by being the action hero going from place to place as a can-do deliveryboy that he never has time to reflect on his losses, think through them, and accept them.

literally who else is more qualified in all of homestuck than aradia for talking to john about these things?

on top of all of this, they have objectively significant connections beyond just mutual self-realization in a way i think could've been fleshed out. there is potential here.

for a story, i can think of a way that a conversation between them could plausibly happen using the systems established in homestuck's mythology. in canon, we see that john never met aradia until year 3 on the golden battleship in the dream bubbles when he goes to sleep.

but john still dreamt out in the furthest ring. that means during those 3 years it was possible for john to have had a dream with her in it, or at least aradiabot. i know john didn't know aradia's name beforehand but let's just explore the possibility that they could have had met before that. remember that all these aradiabots were once this person.

aradia had obtained john's crosbytop, his dads hat, and his wallet quite a while before their sgrub session. theres your entry

imagine john seeing that

memories of dear old dad get stirred up through the link of seeing those items

the dream bubble transforms

john is forced to stand in his memories and explore grief and the meaning of life with aradia

physically being in the space around him would definitely help john reflect easier i think because it will force him to actually exist within the space and talk to someone, taking some time out for this. he wanted to know if anything could've been done or if he was just too late to save them. i know aradia would be able help him slow down and introspect. don't forget the opportunities created by the properties of these spaces that are glubbed out in the furthest ring by the horrorterrors that meld the labyrinthine time and space of their surroundings to the memories of the people and finding others through common points in memory. i would imagine that objects known by multiple people would provide a common point in memory to bring them together.

The bubbles allow the players of Sburb/Sgrub who have lost a life to continue dreaming. The reality constructed in the bubbles is a combination of the memories of everyone inside the bubble accessible to any who has learned the bubble's nature. According to Aradia, it would be quite difficult to exit a bubble to get into a new one, however someone inside a bubble can travel to another one through common points in memory, taking their own memories with them to be integrated into the new bubble. These memories mix and combine, but in general, no new memories are created. Additionally, the bubbles store the consciousness of a player who has lost their dream selves and their original selves, making them double as a form of afterlife; the player is then capable of accessing the memory of anyone else who has gained access to the bubbles. Living players, who have lost or become their dream selves, appear in the dream bubbles when they are asleep. It is in this fashion that the bubbles can be used as meeting places between the dead and the living; even those from alternate universes and doomed timelines can be found in a bubble. Furthermore, in addition to memories, the bubbles can to some extent reflect the thoughts of a player. Beyond that, the bubbles can also behave similarly to Skaia's clouds, showing things that are in some way relevant to the player - such as when coin-flip Dave saw alpha Dave grieving over Bro's corpse - something he was not aware of before being shown it by a bubble.

physically reflect the thoughts of the player…… rubs hands

john and aradia share points in memory related to those objects, and to top it all of they are directly related to john's dad on the same day he died, while aradia grew up with them as bizarre alien artifacts from an archeological dig. the memories are more emotionally charged for john, and i think that distinction would probably be relevant to them both.

to be honest i think after speaking with him for a bit she would readily tell john that she regrets not talking to the kids from the universe her team created sooner before she died, but is glad that she can in the afterlife. in canon, alpha aradia told a doomed dave, "i think its absurd i never introduced myself to you in all that time i spent moping around the lab. guess i wasnt in a very good mood".

now not all the aradiabots would know who john is, because the trolls only found out about the humans once they created the genesis frog and hid out in the lab in the veil from jack who infiltrated their session. the aradiabot in the lab was the last one that survived. so if any one of them would know who john is, it would be the aradiabot that exploded. aradia's dream self ascended to god tier in jack noir's rampage on trolls' derse and took those memories with her which we can assume is what made the last aradiabot explode. its known that any original copy that dies when another rises up becomes a ghost and lives on in the dream bubbles, which would include her. a doomed aradiabot we see in the comic, which was the one that originally landed to alternia in the past, becomes more lighthearted after she dies, a bit more like her alive counterpart.

oh yeah, and the more obvious surface-level connections to top it off? ghostbusters? john ain't afraid of no ghost girl. john would be genuinely interested in what aradia living as a ghost irl on her planet and not as a gaming abstraction in the furthest ring would be like. i imagine she would be able to explain the subjective experience and that she had to prototype herself into the kernelsprite order for her server player to see her. there's also no way john hasn't seen a movie as classic as indiana jones and judging from her poster i can imagine he probably thinks it's sweet that aradia's strife specibus whipkind is a reflection of her own personal tastes, interests and hobbies.

so yeah i've just been chewing on all of this and thinking about it but i know i needed to just get this out there somehow. obviously since i spent two weeks putting this post together i'd be happy to hear your thoughts

[robotslenderman]

For the 21 questions otp ask, Elisa/Lettow, 3, 6, 11 and 12. I hope that wasn’t too much for you 😊

:3!!!!

OTP ask box game.

3. What is your favourite AU/prompt idea/trope for your pairing?

Favourite AU is the one where Lettow didn’t lose track of Elisa and managed to adopt her.

It did... not work out well at first, lol. Lettow had severe depression and had never had a childe before and had no idea what to do with her. Elisa had gone absolutely feral after three months of surviving night-to-night and sleeping in burrows she’d dug herself.

Over those three months Elisa had slowly gone batshit insane. In canon, Lampago scraped her out of it and taught her some survival skills, but this takes place earlier, before Elisa could do anything more than solve intra-kindred issues with “run away or claw their face off.” So in this AU Elisa has gone from a kind, generous and loving vet nurse that loved animals... to this near-wight who actually killed a couple of kindred over territory disputes.

Basically, she couldn’t control her Beast and was getting awfully close to wighting herself. In canon this was reversed by her watching Lampago and fighting hard not to be like her -- in this AU she doesn’t have a bad example to warn her away from going down that path, so she keeps indulging the Beast’s impulses by killing her prey and anyone trying to claim her territory.

Eventually it got bad enough that Lettow intervened before the Prince could put a blood hunt on her head (or his).

At first Lettow had a hard problem just keeping her around -- Elisa kept running away because she’d be overwhelmed or pissed off enough. Each time Lettow would give her a few nights then reappear at her burrow and talk her into coming back, because if she stayed out on her own there was no way she wouldn’t wind up killing someone else and he was highkey really worried the Prince would have her executed.

(Dove thought this was hilarious and that Lettow reaped what he sowed. “You left her so she could learn to survive on her own. Well, now she’s trying to do what you wanted her to do!”)

Needless to say, Elisa developed a Reputation among the Kindred of Tucson for being Lettow’s feral, low-humanity brat.

It did reach a turning point. In canon Lettow wouldn’t give her Stellaluna for thirty years, but in this one he had the same idea and gifted her her own famulus -- that little vampire bat she named Stellaluna. A bit of Elisa’s old humanity came back enough at the gesture that he was able to get through to her, and bond with her through teaching her animalism. Her love for Stellaluna, and her being touched at Lettow’s gesture, was a counterbalance to the Beast.

Yep, that’s right, Elisa had an emotional support vampire bat.

He’d been so desperate he’d seriously considered blood binding her to him until they both got her out of it; a blood bond would have made her so attached to him and desperate to please him it would have given her positive emotions to help lift her out of it instead of primal instinct and impulse, and would have given her willpower to fight her Beast at his behest.

Years later, she’d mention to Lettow that she attributed this phase of her life to severe depression. And he’d be like, “no, you weren’t depressed, you were turning into a wight.”

6. Least favourite canon moment of them?

I honestly can’t think of any explicit moments. All that comes to mind are concepts (that Elisa couldn’t bitch at Lettow about the blood bag thing) or moments that aren’t their moment (Lettow’s bizarre response to Jasper’s torture of Modian and his callousness to Dove), or something that isn’t even a moment (lack of more Reremouse-like missions in-game where you get to work with him hands on!).

11. If they aren’t a canon pairing, how would you get them together?

Their relationship didn’t happen as it did in canon.

Basically, canon moved too fast for them. Elisa strongly resented Lettow at least until the midpoint where he offered her the final three jobs, and she was terrified of him for the whole game except the epilogue because she kept waiting for him to throw her under the bus (the first half) or execute her for Diablerie (the second half). Even after he confronted her about Aila, she was mostly convinced that him having her be the bait was his attempt at killing her without having to execute her.

(Years later he’d tell her that that was sincerely not the case -- that he had her be bait because he firmly believed she could survive anything.)

Needless to say, that’s... not a healthy base for a relationship, even though she was crushing damn hard by the end of the game and was genuinely upset that he didn’t even intend to say goodbye.

But they did get together. After Lettow returned from the Middle East Dove wanted Elisa to do some dangerous jobs and was like, “hey, why don’t we get mister fucking invincible to play bodyguard?”

Lettow was genuinely surprised at how emotional she was at his return -- she would’ve been brought to tears if she could cry. They bonded better this time around, as equals. They talked about Aila and laid that to rest -- it was harder for Elisa to talk about than Lettow. Elisa talked about how Aila was still around. Lettow talked about how he resented Aila for leaving him and letting herself get Diablerised. Elisa got to be turned on by watching him beat the crap out of people who tried to hurt her.

But it was a slow burn because, well. Elisa ate his wife so how could she, in good conscience, ever make a move on him? And on Lettow’s side -- he absolutely despised himself and thought he wasn’t good enough for Aila to stay awake or even alive, and if Aila hated him so fucking much she basically killed herself and put an (in his mind) innocent childe at risk to get away from him, how could he possibly make Elisa happy?

Cue months of mutual pining, and occasionally doing couple things like sharing a bed or cuddling without acknowledging them as couple things.

At one point Lettow bites off more than he can chew even by his standards, which Elisa was able to see plain as day at the time. Their usual tactics when overwhelmed was for Lettow to distract the attackers and for Elisa to run, but this time the opposition was so overwhelming that Elisa knew if she ran Lettow would get destroyed, so she refused to run, which only made things more dangerous for both of them. They had a huge argument about it -- Elisa accusing Lettow of trying to kill himself, Lettow accusing Elisa of being an idiot who didn’t trust him to do his job -- but the whole “oh my god the other person almost DIED” helped them realise that

hey

maybe they should stop letting the Aila thing get in the way and just... get together anyway.

Because they loved each other.

So they did.

And they’ve been together ever since.

12. If you had to take them and plunk them into another fandom, what fandom would that be? Why?

Ooof I really had to think about this one.

There’s no one fandom I’d put them in, but I went into a lot of detail with just one so here’s the one I did:

Subnautica -- Human AU. Elisa is a courier on the Aurora delivering classified governmental data, stuff too important to trust to the post or the internet (or extranet, as it would be). She becomes the only survivor of its crash on 4546B. She feels guilty about falling in love with the planet she’s on and genuinely enjoying much of her time there (when she’s not pissing herself in fear) while knowing at home she has a boyfriend/husband who must be absolutely frantic with worry. She keeps a video diary of her survival there and documents the world as best as she can, tries to find other survivors, and wonders if she’ll ever make it out alive and see Lettow and her parents again -- and if she’ll ever be able to come back if she does.

Meanwhile Lettow is losing his shit, alternating between thinking she’s dead and hoping she’s alive. His subplot is him getting in touch with the loved ones of other survivors and harassing Alterra into mounting a rescue; his hopes are shot down, quite literally, with the discovery of the orbital canon and the fate of the Sunbeam. Alterra is refusing to destroy the orbital canon because uhh we don’t want war with ALIENS??? WE’VE GOT NO DIPLOMATIC TIES WITH ANY ALIENS??? DESTROYING IT MIGHT GET US ALL KILLED???,

but they have a satellite in orbit, out of range of the canon, and it’s looking for evidence of survivors. And it’s been picking up activity -- somebody they can’t identify swimming around near a life pod, or moving on one of the islands, or moving around the Aurora. It’s only when she one day takes a nap on the beach near the orbital canon, her face up to the sky, that they’re able to identify the first survivor -- Elisa Mulgrew, government worker.

That picture of her sleeping face and wet hair makes headlines across multiple systems.

So Lettow finds out she’s alive -- but there’s nothing he can do to bring her home. Nothing. And he doesn’t know how long she’ll live for, or how long Alterra will keep up the expense of the satellite. Because over time it’s becoming clear that Alterra is sinking millions into these efforts and there’s no evidence of any other survivors. There’s only camera recordings of one vehicle moving at a time, one person moving at a time, and the only person they’ve ever managed to record always has the same reddish-brown hair as Elisa. Alterra are trying to stop the search because they see it as essentially wasting millions on one person, who’s “only” a courier, who they can’t even save.

The only reason they’ve been humouring people this long is because of the amount of anti-Alterra political sentiment being whipped up in the wake of the disaster and Alterra’s handling of it, and how many people even within Alterra are upset about the whole thing, and how many people are behind the families of the people who were on the Aurora. And with less and less evidence that anyone other than Elisa survived, even they are starting to lose interest.

Yeah Lettow really copes badly in this AU. “Barely gets out of bed each day” badly.

(When Elisa eventually gets home she leaks the “the usual” audio, which starts a whole new wave of people being mad at Alterra and the guy on it almost certainly getting fired so hard nobody will ever employ him again. Elisa actually feels kind of bad for him.)

[pale-silver-comb]

Hi. I love your blog and all the little headcannons (canon?) you do. I also noticed you're amazing for writing little stories for people who are having a tough time. Would it be too much to ask if I could have one? I'm suffering from a bout of depression/insomnia and I'm running on about 4 hours sleep in about 3 days. What do you think of Derek or Stiles getting insomnia from all the stuff they've seen and the other just cuddling them through it? Trying to stay awake so they're not alone?

Hey, sweetheart. The depression/insomnia combo is horrible. I don’t know if it will work for you but earlier this year I stumbled upon ASMR videos. I know some people find them weird but they really helped me when it came to getting to sleep. In the mean time, I hope this little fic does something to help. 

Stiles thought being able to sleep after the Nogitsune had been the universe’s way of balancing out the good and bad in his life: get possessed by a psychotic Japanese fox but sleep like a baby every night after. As it turned out, being able to sleep after a spirit uses your body to murder a bunch of people came down to the fact Stiles hadn’t had a break since finding Laura Hale’s body that night in the woods.   

He believed joining the academy would be a fresh start, and in many ways it was. He just didn’t count on the fact that now he didn’t have pure evil trying to kill him at every waking moment that his brain would finally find time to process it. Stiles had always been a fan of ignoring his problems until they eventually, just, go away; watching his friends die, looking down at his own body and knowing it wasn’t really his but the cardboard cutout left behind by the Nogitsune, the memory of watching Derek almost -

He assumed - stupidly - that he had been successful in that particular endeavour. As long as he had his pillow, he was fine. You’re going to be fine. That was what the faceless people of the internet said. Stiles didn’t think “fine” was ever going to be an option for him but he guessed hope was a nice sentiment. 

“Insomnia,” Scott said, repeating the word back to him. Stiles could practically hear the concern, loud and clear, ringing through the phone. It instantly made him feel worse. Heaving a sigh, he scrubbed a tired hand down his face. Maybe he shouldn’t have called.  

“Yes, insomnia.”

Scott was quiet for several seconds.  “Do you have your pillow?” he asked. 

“Yes,” Stiles answered. He was currently clutching it to his chest, sprawled out on his bedroom floor. It was 3am, the floor was hard, and if he didn’t get some sleep soon he was going to start crying; the kind of crying he hadn’t done since he was a kid and his mom took ill. 

“What about drugs?” Scott suggested. “I could ask my mom-”

“No drugs, Scott.”

“But-”

“I said no drugs, Scott.” 

The line went quiet again and Stiles felt his eyes begin to sting. This was a mistake.

“Sorry, man, I have to go.” 

He hung up before Scott could respond, deciding he could feel guilty about it later.

~

At the academy, he was on auto-pilot. Luckily, Stiles had come up with some of his best plans during the last four years on little-to-no sleep, so it wasn’t overly obvious to his fellow agents-in-training that he needed several cups on coffee just to get through the day.

It was obvious to someone though. Someone who clearly thought it was their sworn duty to haul Stiles over their shoulder in the middle of his third run to the coffee shop that day and deposit him in the back of their car. 

Stiles wanted to protest - he should protest, call for help, maybe? - but he had had his eyes closed when the stranger grabbed him, had been drooling on a statue, leaning against it for moral support, as he had waited for his order.

Plus, the stranger’s arms felt nice. 

In the back of his mind, Stiles couldn’t decide if thinking a stranger’s arms felt nice during a potential kidnapping - fuck, please don’t let it be a supernatural kidnapping - was because of his sleep deprived state or if that was just the way he was wired now. 

It was only when a door opened and a familiar pair of eyebrows slid into the driver’s seat did Stiles begin to laugh. Hysterically. 

“Of course,” he said, shaking his head and pressing his lips against the cool leather interior. Familiar hands strapped him into the his seat. “Of course it’s you, big guy.”

Derek just gave a slight huff and muttered something Stiles couldn’t hear, but it sounded an awful lot like, yeah, I missed you, too. 

Stiles laughed again. It was crazy, what your mind came up with when it wasn’t functioning properly. 

~

Stiles didn’t sleep on the way to….wherever Derek was driving them, but he also wasn’t present enough to argue when Derek lifted him out of the car and carried him up several flights of stairs. 

“Hey, dude,” Stiles slurred, suddenly very, very comfortable. He wrapped his arms around Derek’s neck and nuzzled into the power of The Scruff. He wasn’t ashamed to admit he had thought about nuzzling Derek’s beard more than once. “Where have you been?” He yawned, nuzzled in further. “Also, you’re a fucking built teady bear, did you know that?” 

Derek stopped at a door - hopefully is own - and manoeuvred Stiles until he took the hint and wrapped his legs around Derek’s waist. It wasn’t as good a position but Stiles would take it, shooting finger guns behind Derek’s back as he heard the sound of keys jingling. It was definitely his apartment then. What a good sourwolf. 

“Were you getting better?” he asked, when Derek didn’t answer. He yawned again and tried to muffle the sound against Derek’s neck. “Man, I hope you were. Hope you got a bunch of nice friends and a barbecue. I always thought you’d look good with a barbecue. I’m going to be in law enforcement. How crazy is that? I’m finally going to get a gun.” 

Derek snorted but it was the kind of sort that could also be construed as fond. Stiles didn’t know why, but it made something in his stomach ache, just a little.

Man, he was tired. 

“I got better, Stiles,” Derek whispered, carrying him inside…..somewhere that was much nicer than Derek’s old loft and definitely nicer than that train depot. Stiles shuddered at the memory of it. He could only make out a couch and a rug so far, his eyes felt so heavy, but it was a bright couch and rug: blue and orange, respectively. Stiles grinned. Derek was a secret Mets fan, he knew it. 

Derek snorted again and muttered something about Stiles having poor taste in baseball. 

Stiles was about to say something, because excuse you, but Derek beat him to it.

“Shhh,” he said, entering another room. A bedroom. It was huge with a massive window. In the corner was the biggest book case Stiles had ever seen. “It’s okay. I’ve got you this time. I’ve got you.”

Stiles let the words wash over him like a balm. He didn’t even know he needed those words but apparently he did. Apparently he needed them a lot. He kind of wanted to cry and again, he didn’t know why. 

Stupid Derek Hale, making him feel things. Always making him feel things.  

“That sounds nice,” he said instead, eyes permanently glued shut now. They were never going to open again. It was decided. This was his final resting place. In Derek Hale’s bed. “Please don’t leave this time.” 

What a way to go. 

~

When he woke, it was 3am again. Stiles’ first, miserable thought was, it’s always going to be like this, but then he stared a little closer at the alarm clock.

First of all, it was an actual clock, not just his phone. Secondly, there was a picture of Cora next to it. The last time he checked, he did not have a picture of Cora on his night stand. For another scary moment, he thought he might have amnesia but he quickly ruled it out. Not that he didn’t like Cora but she was definitely not the Hale he’d choose to have a picture of next to his bed. 

“I called the academy,” Derek said, making Stiles jump. He was standing in his bedroom doorway, carrying a mug and what looked like….a historical novel. Stiles bit his lip hard, more than a little amused by the cover: two guys, locked in an embrace, wearing togas. “I told them you had a fever and were pretty out of it. Said you’d be back Monday.” 

Stiles frowned, tearing his eyes away from the book. He’d tease Derek about it later. “What day is it today?” 

“Friday.” 

Derek stepped hesitantly into the room and handed Stiles the mug. It was filled to the brim with milk. Strawberry milk. Stiles smiled, feeling a little shy, and took it, wondered if Derek Hale was the type that drank strawberry milk now or if he just spent the last hour in some supermarket debating whether or not to add it to his basket. 

Stiles kind of hoped it was the second one. Derek Hale in a supermarket; now there was an image. 

“So,” he grinned, not entirely certain if this was about to slide on down to awkward territory or not. Derek was back. He was in DC. The last Stiles heard, he was in France. “I half passed out in some coffee shop and you just happened to be passing by? I always knew you were a creeper Derek, but really?” 

Derek raised an eyebrow - ah, there we go - and Stiles dropped his grin, looked down instead. He was wearing a jumper over the t-shirt he had been wearing yesterday. It was soft and smelled strongly of coffee. Inhaling, Stiles briefly wondered if it was possible to breathe in the caffeine. He’d never been a coffee drinker - milkshakes all the way - and if he had to stare down one more cup just to stay awake, he didn’t know what he was going to do. 

“Actually, you passed out in the coffee shop where I work,” Derek said, causing Stiles to look up so fast he practically fell out of the bed. The picture of Cora went flying and what once was very delicious strawberry milk, he was sure, was now a giant pink stain on Derek’s bed. 

“Um,” he said, trying to look more sad about Derek’s sheets rather than the loss of his milk. He had no doubt he failed. “Oops?”  

Derek’s other eyebrow rose to meet his first, before he ducked his head and smiled. Stiles had the strongest, stupidest urge to say, please never stop doing that for as long as you live. 

“Is it that unlikely for me to be working in a coffee shop?” Derek asked, looking up again. Stiles couldn’t read his face but somehow he knew he wasn’t waiting for a punch line. 

“Derek Hale: barista.” Stiles tried it out on his tongue. “I like it. Do you threaten people with your teeth when they’re rude to you?” He waggled his eyebrows and winked, lying back down more fully on the bed. “Wait. Do you help bake the pastries?” Shifting to the other side of the bed, he buried his nose in what he assumed was Derek’s pillow and shamelessly breathed in. Whatever, he could blame it on his lack of sleep later.  

Derek laughed, light and lovely, and Stiles was a little more than instantly smitten. Then again, he’d always been just a little instantly smitten with Derek, hadn’t he? Even when he used to fantasise about punching him in the face. 

“No,” Derek said, “but I do spit in their drinks.”

“Classy.” Stiles nodded slowly and tried to remember the last time he saw Derek look like this: happy, like his whole life hadn’t fallen apart when he was sixteen. It was sad that the answer to that was never. Even through all the fucked up weirdness during the past four years, Stiles at least had had snatched moments of normality. 

He wondered if Derek had gotten to see the new Spiderman movie yet.  

“Hey, Sourwolf?” he asked. “What are you doing until Monday?” 

~

Stiles still didn’t sleep. 

He didn’t think it would be as easy as having someone to sleep next to, having someone to hold and be held by. But it was easier. When he felt like screaming, Derek was right there. He listened to him, listened to every thought that entered his head and poured out of his mouth - the good, the bad and the ugly. 

Derek opened up the coffee shop for him sometimes and made him hot chocolate and talked more than Stiles had ever heard him talk; he told him about his year travelling around the world and the three months he stayed with Cora. He talked about his family. He told him how Isaac was getting on and that having this job was the first time he felt good about himself. He talked for an hour, one night, about the youth group sessions his colleague ran for troubled kids and how he sometimes went along, fully shifted, and let the kids pet him. 

“I knew you secretly liked belly rubs,” Stiles accused him, spraying his buttered scone everywhere. Derek grimaced. “I had a dream about that once, the night you left.” He felt his cheeks flush and watched as Derek blinked and did the same, before reaching out and lacing his fingers through Stiles’.

It was the first time Derek had ever held his hand and Stiles had to admit, it was a pretty damn good feeling. 

“Sometimes I dream of you, too,” Derek said, biting his lip. “I dream of you a lot, actually.” He rolled his eyes. “You’re usually talking me ear off about something.” 

Stiles laughed. “Hey! How do you know that wasn’t really me? I could have been trying to reach out to you, dude!” 

The air went tense - Stiles had already told Derek about the dread doctors - and they stared at each other. 

“I suppose,” Derek said, shrugging, “but….”

“But?”

Derek took a deep breath and averted his gaze. “But in my dreams you were always….you always returned my….” He frowned and stood up, going to make himself another piece of toast. Stiles had learned that Derek was a bit of a toast fiend, especially when there was chocolate spread on the go. He no longer had that ridiculous six pack, either, Stiles had noted fondly. Not that he still didn’t look like a Greek God. 

“I always returned your what?” He was almost afraid to ask, in case it wasn’t what he thought, in case it was what he thought. “You know, Derek, we’ve always had a pretty solid relationship based on mutual exchange. You save me, I save you. I’m cool with, you know, carrying on that….tradition.”

Derek’s eyes lifted to meet his, toast half smothered in something that smelled like chocolate and hazelnut. It’s going to get cold, Stiles thought distractedly, staring at it. Getting up and walking over to him, Stiles leaned across the counter that Derek was standing behind - he looked like an adorable little kid, like he was hiding, hunched over. He took a bite of the toast. 

Derek zeroed in on the chocolate spread now sticking to Stiles’ chin and blinked, like he was realising something. 

“You know I’m not ready for something…..like that, right?” he asked, looking away. His hands were shaking a little. 

“Well, neither am I,” Stiles said, climbing on top of the counter, until he could put both hands on Derek’s shoulder. “All I’m asking is for someone to make me hot chocolate when I can’t sleep and for that person to sign a contract saying a full night of spooning is not an unreasonable demand.” He took in Derek’s tired eyes, the nervous slope of his mouth, and wondered how much better Derek had really gotten. How far away he really managed to get from it all. 

“I’d do the same for them,” he continued. “I mean, I don’t have a fancy ass coffee shop or anything, but I always keep ice cream in the freezer. Plus, I have all the Harry Potter movies on DVD and a kick ass Star Wars blanket.” 

Derek slowly looked up, smiled at him. The tips of his ears were pink. “And how do you feel about versatile spooning rights?” He coughed. “Is that in the contract?” 

Stiles pretended to think about that, even though it was a lost cause. He knew Derek would hear the way his heart was thumping treacherously away at the prospect. “Okay but I get to be the big spoon, like, at least seventy percent of the time. I like being held okay? I do but holding you -” Stiles froze, eyes widening. “Uh, I mean….holding someone. Holding someone has always appealed to me more.”

Derek narrowed his eyes and held up the toast for Stiles to take another bite. Stiles wasn’t sure if feeding him was a werewolf thing or a Derek thing, but Stiles found he liked it. It had been happening a lot lately. 

“Does that mean I’m going to have to suffer you talking in my ear seventy percent of the time? Because if you are, I’m going to have to invest in a pair of ear muffs.” 

Stiles smacked him across the shoulder and Derek grinned. 

“Just kidding,” he said. 

Sudden drowsiness swept over Stiles then - he was never going to catch up on all his lost sleep -  and he rested his forehead against Derek’s. It felt nice, really nice, and a terrifying thought came into his head. Terrifying because it didn’t even scare him that much: I could do this forever. 

“Let’s go home?” Derek asked, cautiously. 

It took them both a minute to realise what he had said. 

Stiles grinned, offering Derek the last bite of toast. “Yeah, Mr Barista Man, home sounds like a good place to start.”  

[juniper-and-lamplight]

Recent Reads--April 30, 2017

I’ve recently realized that it has been SIX MONTHS since I made a rec list, which is just…not on. So here’s a collection of fic I’ve consumed in those six months. You’ll notice it skews even more strongly than usual towards Johnlock–the blame for this rests squarely on Moffat and Gatiss for messing up Sherlock season 4 SO SEVERELY that I required excessive amounts of fic in order to recover. (J/k, I’ll never recover!) However, there ARE a few other fandoms and ships in here, so please have a little scroll-through, read what appeals you, and be sure to leave some love for the authors & podficcers <3</p>

His Name Is John Watson - ampersand_ch, translated by SwissMiss - 19k, Explicit, Holmes/Watson “A summer’s idyll in Sussex. Holmes and Watson seek some peace and quiet. But that’s not as simple as they imagine.” A gorgeous casefic in which Holmes and Watson confront the depth and intensity of their connection.

Speaker for the Bees - antietamfalls - 14k, Mature, John/Sherlock, AU “It isn’t always easy assisting a deaf detective. Luckily for John, they make a pretty good team.” After reading a completely different romance with a Deaf protagonist, I got curious and read a whole bunch of deaf Sherlock fic, and this one emerged as my favorite.

(Never) Turn Your Back to the Sea - @discordantwords - 40k, Mature, John/Sherlock “Baker Street is very much the same. Only different. And Sherlock is just trying not to drown.” I saw this fic recced all over Tumblr for weeks before I finally got over my fear of in-depth post-season-4 fic and read it myself, thus verifying that HOLY WOW YES the hype was deserved. The way the author captures Sherlock’s internal voice in this fic feels SO TRUE–his shattered hubris, his desperate resistance to vulnerability, and the believable way he and John finally get through it all is spot-on. This fic repaired some of the damage that season 4 inflicted on my heart.

look west from London - @fahye - 4k, Teen and up, John/Sherlock but only in the background, AU “There are almost no lies in the way that Molly presents herself, only omissions.” A wonderfully uneasy and darkish character study of Molly, and how she might have actually helped Sherlock fake his death.

The Price We Pay for Wings - Frayach, read by raitala - 13k, 80min, Mature (Harry/Draco, HP) “Scorpius Draconis Eltanin Malfoy read the first book in the Alford Ocamy series over Christmas hols when he was eleven. Well, he didn’t so much “read” it as he devoured it.” I CRIED ACTUAL LITERAL TEARS LISTENING TO THIS. Raitala’s podfic performance makes this already intense and moving story feel that much more vivid. 10/10 would be devastated by again.

Who I Want To Be - @hubblegleeflower - 3k, General Audiences, John/Sherlock “What happens when your author writes you wrong? When someone else has the power to decide who you really are? Does it matter?” Sort of AU, shades of RPF, definitely metafiction, and quite satisfying as a rebuke to the writers who made such a hash of season 4.

Intersection - celeste9 - 5k, Explicit, Finn/Poe, AU “Finn had managed to get seated beside a gorgeous, sweet, funny ex-military gay pilot… and he was one more rough patch of sky away from barfing all over his feet. Or, worse yet, all over Poe’s feet. It figured. It really fucking figured.” Am I sucker for a social worker AU? You bet I am.

One Week - JaneTurenne - 42k, Explicit, Holmes/Watson “An average week in the life of Our Heroes becomes a battle of wills when the boys make a wager.” A beloved trope executed beautifully.

Minor Interludes for the Solo Violin - Katie Forsythe, read by general_jinjur - 27k, 3hr, Explicit, Holmes/Watson “Wounded and traumatized by the Afghan War, John Watson falls in love with a detective who is also a remarkable violinist. Connected pieces of emotion and movement.” This podfic of a classic H/W is immersive and excellent, and the download link includes the sequel, Hallowed Be Thy Name, which is also excellent, though significantly darker and more difficult for the characters.

There’s Only One Sure Thing That I Know - leah k (blinkiesays), read by exmanhater - 20k, 2hrs, Explicit, Dean/Castiel “Dean doesn’t even get halfway through explaining before Bobby starts laughing. When he lets himself think about it for more than five seconds, Dean can almost see Bobby’s point: he’s faced down demons, witches, vampires, werewolves, ghosts, angels, and Satan himself and now he’s been defeated by the God damn Midwest.” A well-paced and gently humorous podfic in which an unexpected sojourn in Ohio forces Dean to confront love, honesty, and his fucked-up self esteem.

What He’s Like - magikspell - 3k, Explicit, John/Sherlock “‘I’m so in love with you,’ John says, a statement of fact. 'I will never not be in love with you.’ Realistic first time. They love each other so much.” FEEEEELS.

et faisons la grasse matinée - mazily (@ylizam​) - 1k, Mature, Phryne/Mac, Phryne/Jack (Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries) “'I do love you,’ Mac says. She’s not fond of saying it.” This one is short and has a slightly hazy, hungover feel (appropriate) that I adore. The only problem with Mac/Phryne fic is that there’s not enough of it, so extra blessings upon those who write it!

Time on my hands - Mildredandbobbin - 7k, Explicit, John/Sherlock “Virginity’s a construct, a concept—what does losing one’s virginity entail for a gay man anyway? Sherlock wants to fill that particular gap in his knowledge but John won’t, can’t, never will assist and there’s only so much desperately unspoken pining even Sherlock can take.” Despite the description, this one is more about practical sexual exploration than “virginity” or loss of same, which makes it a lot more interesting IMHO.

Sentiment to Paper - @mistyzeo​, read by RickyPulsifer - 7k, 57min, Explicit, Holmes/Watson “No fewer than three times by the winter of 1883 had I heard Sherlock Holmes disparage the ways of lovers and their irrational tendencies toward writing letters. With this often and loudly-expressed opinion in mind, I was very surprised indeed to find a stack of unsent, unsealed letters in a drawer in his desk.” Here you will find a convincing Watson POV (complete with “damn my leg” in-joke), a secretly sentimental Holmes, and juuuuust enough miscommunication and tension to make the romantic (and hot) resolution feel very satisfying indeed. Additionally, RickyPulsifer’s podfic is a quiet wonder of smooth pacing, emotive delivery, and thoughtful production.

Splendid Creature - mistyzeo, read by RickyPulsifer and the_dragongirl - 2k, 20min, Explicit, Holmes/Watson "Holmes has tired himself out on a case and wants to go straight to sleep. After an orgasm or two. Watson is more than happy to help.” A sleepy, steamy PWP podfic featuring a trans Holmes. Really, you should just listen to all of Ricky Pulsifer’s ACD Holmes podfic recordings.

Grazed Knees - montparnasse (@montpahrnah​) - 5k, Teen and up, Luna/Ginny “The war is over, except that it isn’t, and Ginny is done fighting, except that she’s not.” A wonderfully atmospheric coming-of-age postwar fic. I think I need more Linny in my life.

Hearth and Home - @mycapeisplaid​ - 5k, Teen and up, John/Sherlock “Sixteen years after the east wind came and went, two men embrace their future.” A post-season 4 fic set well into the future, including a teenage Rosie Watson who knows her two dads better than they know themselves.

The Truth of the Musgrave Ritual - @mydwynter​ - 13k, Explicit, Holmes/Watson “It is my custom, you may have noticed, to save those little cases which we have solved until such time as danger to those involved has passed, or until Holmes otherwise suggests I may write about them.The happenings at Hurlstone Hall, however, received a very different treatment indeed.” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you just can’t go wrong with mydwynter’s canon fic.

Shoreline - @penknife​ - 2k, Mature, Remus/Sirius  “Sometimes it takes being someone else to sort out who you are.” A short, angsty-yet-sweet character study of  one Remus Lupin, teen werewolf and aspiring cool loner.

Take My Breath Away - Quesarasara (@itsnotgonnareaditselfpeople) - 14k, Explicit, John/Sherlock “Sherlock opens his eyes and looks at his friend—his best friend—and slowly tips his chin down until his forehead rests softly against John’s. They stay that way for a long moment, lips just a whisper apart, warm puffs of air mingling as each of them struggles to breathe. It’s no wonder they ended up here, really, locked in this breathless moment balanced on the cusp of something new. They’ve spent years taking each other’s breath away…” Honestly, the “got your breath back?” thing is a brilliant way to organize a series of vignettes, and the sexy bit at the end is achingly sincere.

All Life is Yours to Miss - Saras_Girl, read by originally reads (@originally) - 114k, Mature, Harry/Draco “Professor Malfoy’s world is contained, controlled, and as solitary as he can make it, but when an act of petty revenge goes horribly awry, he and his trusty six-legged friend are thrown into Hogwarts life at the deep end and must learn to live, love and let go.” I have to admit that if had read this instead of listened to it, I might have noped out–mostly because it’s long, I’m impatient, and as Draco character studies go it’s much sweeter than my usual taste. Yet the podfic was well-performed, and the slower listening process made the resolution feel even more satisfying.

Revolutions - @scullyseviltwin - 3k, Explicit, John/Sherlock “Things got in the way, yeah, a whole fuckload of things.” It feels like cheating to call this a PWP, becuase even though it’s mostly sex, it’s the kind of sex that reveals things about the characters and their changing relationship.

Two Weeks - @shiftylinguini - 21k, Explicit, Harry/Draco “If Harry had to guess which out of he or his Auror Partner, and tentative new friend, Draco Malfoy, would turn out to have Veela ancestry, his answer would be: neither, because that is ridiculous. Finding out the answer is actually him, and that his Veela heritage is wreaking havoc on his ability to work, sleep, and above all be in the same room as Malfoy, is a surprise to say the least. But this is fine. Harry’s been through worse, and he can just sit this one out, regardless of how much his body is screaming for the one person he doesn’t want to ask for help. Can’t he?” I mean, that description tells you what you need to know. Delicious, delicious TENSION.

Diversionary Tactics - @shinysherlock, read by @fffinnagain - 2k, 16min, Explicit, Molly/Irene (BBC Sherlock AU) “Oh. This could be interesting. Irene’s fingers moved to the third button of the dress and paused. 'Shall I just … check the rest of you, then? Make sure you’re quite all right?’” A brief, hot, historical PWP, Mollrene style. UNF. Finnagain’s podfic performance is very…impassioned–maybe don’t listen in public ;)

His Almost Lover - @writcraft - 9k, Explicit, John/Sherlock “John grieves for Sherlock, dreams offering his only escape but no real satisfaction. When Sherlock finally confronts him, alive and well, John has to learn to love all over again.” A surreal, dreamy beginning leads into a very real post-Reichenbach coming-to-terms.

For further recs, check out my Fic Bookmarks or Fic Recs Masterpost; I hope to add some of these fics to my various faves lists sometime in the next few weeks.

[datte-ba]

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart) | naruto

sum: how nice, to fit the curve of your thumb to someone’s cheek, to press your fingers into their skin and pull them close with the effort. [post-canon.] a/n: a heavily edited repost (to the point of it being practically new) of this fic.

There’s a certain amount of restraint that Naruto and Hinata practice around their children when they’re young.

Slobbery kisses are kept to a minimum, make-outs are left for when they’re the only ones home, and sex, for a time, is completely and uncompromisingly avoided, unless circumstances permit. The pair are generally in agreement that their children can learn about the world of intimacy when they’re older—

—older inevitably meaning when Boruto turns seventeen.

The first time he caught them doing anything remotely forbidden, they were frenching intensely in a storage closet, and he’s now twenty-one. He’s long since been exposed to his parents’ usual antics: the kitchen counter kisses in the late hours of the night, the in-bed tickle fights that grace every Sunday morning, and the rest of a list that goes on and on.

If anything, Naruto and Hinata’s desperation for each other has ceased to bewilder their son, only sparking mild annoyance when he can’t concentrate over the sighs and punctuated laughter.

His sister, however, can never be bothered by it—love is a force she believes in strongly, and their parents are the epitome.

There is one morning in particular where the two of them catch the couple in a heartfelt kiss, Hinata leaning back into the counter as her husband presses forward. Boruto’s eyes linger a little on the way his mother’s thumbs skirt the furrows in his father’s hair, but he looks away quickly and leaves Himawari behind to stare.

When she finally files out after him, the smile on her face is unmistakable. A dreamy sigh escapes her, and she says, “Our parents are positively adorable, aren’t they?”

Boruto snorts and rolls his eyes, but a slight simper rises along the corners of his lips.

Things are better than they were years before; love entwines each of them, most of all his mother, whose face cannot be brighter than when her husband comes home. He makes it a point to remember where they used to be, where they are now. The bandages that wrap around his left arm are a testament to that.

“For real, though,” Himawari says, breaking the brief silence. “I would give anything to have what they have.” Her smile shrinks a little, and Boruto watches her closely, notices the way she wrings her fingers and smooths out her skirt. “Most of the time, I’m sure Shikadai cares, but then I come home, and I see them, and I—”

“Maybe you should break up with him,” he snaps, and a little too quickly, for even his own comfort.

He and Shikadai have known each other since childhood, have gone through the Academy together as best friends, have fought side by side on numerous missions, and yet—how hard it is, to accept that the same old friend is now in love with his sister. Boruto can’t remember the last time he looked at Shikadai with a straight face; there seems only to be the imprint of his sister attached to his best friend’s person, and loath though he may be to admit it, it hurts.

Himawari, apparently, doesn’t take to the comment well, either. She looks at him in a mixture of disbelief and anger, then turns the other way and makes for their father, who tails them by a few feet. The Seventh easily breaks into a new conversation with her, blushing, however, when she brings up the topic of himself and their mother.

“Yo, Pops,” Boruto interjects, and he falls a few feet behind, until the steps of all three Uzumakis are matched in stride. Naruto grins as his son drapes an arm over his shoulder while Himawari avoids eye contact, and Boruto continues cheekily, “For the record, I think you and mom are positively adorable.”

In one of those rare moments, Naruto Uzumaki rolls his eyes. “Please,” he says, and he brushes off his son’s arm. “Tell me that when you have a girlfriend, or else I’ll know it’s your sister talking.”

Boruto blinks, unable to form words as his father chuckles to himself and then moves ahead of them. They’ve made it to the Hokage’s office fairly quickly today, and Himawari stops in her tracks on the grass, a hand held to her mouth as she fails to stifle bubbling laughter.

“Sorry, but am I missing something?” he asks, and she snorts obnoxiously in response.

“Brother,” she answers pointedly, an adoring smile on her face, “you know exactly what he’s talking about.” Her amusement over his plight has clearly trumped the earlier indignation, and yet somehow, this doesn’t make him feel any better, let alone less confused.

“No, I don’t,” he insists, but the neurons are firing off in his head, and soon enough, he’s running through a list of all the Konoha nin his age. None of them, to his knowledge, have ever held an interest in him that goes beyond the fact of being the Seventh Hokage’s son, but that’s something he’s known for years. It doesn’t bother him, either; he knows there are more important things to worry about.

Himawari sighs and drops herself onto the grass, making herself comfortable in the shade of a towering tree. As she folds her legs under her, Boruto follows, taking a seat less than two feet away.

“You know,” she says, “for as long as I’ve gone on about Mom and Dad, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say anything about them.”

Boruto frowns. “What exactly am I supposed to say?”

“That you want it.” There’s a smile on her face, and he thinks she might be thinking about Shikadai, and how he isn’t all that proficient in matters of romantic expression, but that he tries, and that she loves him for it. Himawari spreads her fingers apart in her lap, the perfect, contented shadow of her mother, and Boruto thinks, just then, that she might have been born the older sister. “Just like everyone else,” she murmurs, “you want what they have.”

The sun is rising behind them, and there is a golden glow to his sister’s hair, to her skin, that brings him pause. “Intimacy,” she goes on. “Courage. Faith.”

Her voice dims down.

“A language that’s theirs.”

And almost as if someone had stabbed him with a real kunai, it hits him.

That he and Sarada have their own, secret way of communication is a fact known universally. Developed in their younger years, the language consists of them drawing made-up characters into the skin of each other’s palms when they’re close. Even the smallest of scratches holds some significance between them, and although Boruto would argue that the language they share is different from what his mother and father have, he notices too late that his finger is tracing a character into his palm, one he’s written into her skin over a thousand different times.

“Fuck,” he echoes. He tilts his head back, looking to the leaves above him before they fall down below.

What is this thing between them even supposed to be?

There is no whispering love into each other’s skin, no trading of kisses before and after important missions. Hamura knows how many times they’ve argued over the silliest things, knows how many days on end she’s held grudges against him for them. And in all of the years that he’s known her—more years than anyone, really—not once has she expressed interest in him outside of their work.

The closest thing he can equate to her caring about him, if anything, is the way she handles him when he’s wounded: with delicacy, concern, and so, so much fear.

Oh.

But, the fact of the matter, anyway, is that he’s never felt for her like that—not even if the way her hair falls over her eyes has made him want to push it back; not even if the sound of her voice around the corner has sent his heart into a fast pace; not even if the number of times she’s willingly endangered herself has kept him from being able to breathe.

“Everyone expects it,” his sister says aloud, and something snaps in him.

His whole body flinches, and Himawari looks at him, brow furrowing. “Brother, are you—”

“You want to know what I think of Mom and Dad?” He stands up, rustles the leaves under his feet, and turns around the other way, until he’s facing his sister and the bewildered look in her eye. “I think they’re disgusting,” he tells her, and her mouth drops.

“All they do is hold each other and kiss each other and love each other, and they don’t need to do any of it. They’ve been together for twenty three years, and there’s no way they’re separating because if they did, then you know I’d kick Dad’s ass before he even stepped out of their room.”

“I don’t even know what you're—”

“Kiss him. French him. Fuck him, even.” Her eyes go wide at this last part, and Boruto almost snickers when her cheeks crimson, but his amusement is besides the point. “Just make sure you’re with him, because that’s what Mom and Dad are. They’re with each other. Always.”

If it wasn’t for an unwarranted rustling of leaves, he would go on; he would tell her that, yeah, he’s not so averse to going out to dinner with her and Shikadai if it makes her happy, because he’s paid close attention, and he’s pretty sure that Shikadai is as prepared to kill for Himawari as he is.

But something does stir behind them, and when Boruto turns to meet it, his heart all of jumps straight into his throat.

The black glasses he’s seen perched on her nose since childhood are gone—have been gone. Sarada Uchiha’s eyes are alight with a wonder he has never noticed before, and as the first few strands of her hair fall over her eyes, an urge to close the distance between them and push them back surfaces.

“Has he always been this sentimental?” she asks, gaze pinned on Himawari.

Boruto’s breath hitches as his sister answers, “Not really.” The Hokage’s daughter pushes herself off the ground and turns briefly to face her brother, amusement twinkling in each eye as a smile crests her lips. “But we all have our moments.”

There’s a certain amount of tension hovering in the air, or maybe that’s just him and his figurative inability to breathe, but everything seems somewhat controllable up until the moment Himawari passes Sarada by, and after that, well, it’s anyone’s best guess.

Her eyes circle back to him, and he finds the red of her family crest in there, in little scarlet stars that may burst into suns if need be. Neither of them makes a move to close the distance, but Sarada whispers four words—

“Did you mean it?”

—and the world shifts.

Boruto considers his impromptu spiel, and in doing so, is brought back to the kiss he witnessed this morning. How nice, to fit the curve of your thumb to someone’s cheek, to press your fingers into their skin and pull them close with the effort. And breath after breath, to take it together.

A quivering moment of silence passes before he reaches across the gap, takes her hand in his own. Her palm is rough with calluses and blisters, but he traces a finger from the heel to the ball, then back down again. The lines and curves are their own, and her hand smells of pine, and Boruto can’t focus his mind on one thing but the path of his finger is so steady that he knows, back to the first words he ever spoke to her—

—he did.