#look at me being so normal about characters from a mediocre game from 5 years ago

[ronsenburg]

decided I’m a “glenn never had a crest* and felix was always meant to be the heir of fraldarius” truther

[miloscat]

[Review] Legend of Kay Anniversary (Wii U)

An unremarkable PS2 action-adventure.

After immersing myself in Avatar media for so long I looked around for any other games set in Asia-inspired fantasy worlds but made by Westerners. This let me knock one off my Wii U backlog, the 2015 remaster of the 2005 PS2 game Legend of Kay. Neon Software, the German studio behind the original game, are known to me for their Amiga Sonic clone Mr. Nutz: Hoppin' Mad, and it's somewhat fitting that their final game before closure was this other furry platformer. Some of the Neon cofounders went on to form Keen Games, which seems to have morphed into a new Kaiko... the original Kaiko being the company that the Mr. Nutz Hoppin' Mad team left to form Neon in the first place! Who knows how long they'll survive now under the aegis of the troubled and layoff-happy Embracer, but it's been four years since their last remaster...

Anyway, this game is a sort of 3D Zelda-like-slash-3D platformer filled with anthropomorphic animal characters, which as a Rare fan sounds up my alley. Comparing it to Starfox Adventures may be a little generous though: this is very much a B-tier PS2 action game, and a graphical revamp for new generation consoles can't magically fix the mediocrity.

To get the plot out of the way: it's extremely Normal. Kay is a "plucky" (read: obnoxious) protagonist, using his martial arts training to fight back against the occupation of his cat village by evil gorillas and rats. He travels his island to settlements of rabbits, frogs, and pandas to free them from oppression. I think it's telling that there are no credits given for story or writing; anything story-related is constantly undermined by overly shallow characterisations, completely functional video game progression (go here to get key to open door to go there etc.), and the most brain-dead "banter". For example, Kay thinks the height of action hero quips is to call a rat "cheese-breath" about a hundred times.

The latter issue is not helped by some misguided voice acting choices. It's a fully voiced game but you'll wish it wasn't with Kay's bland sarcastic schtick and almost every other character uncomfortably presenting as a borderline racist caricature. Mostly it's white people doing faux-"Asian" accents, although apparently crocodiles are Eastern European and frogs are... Jamaican, for some reason? I was glad to find a setting that let me skip any dialogue scene with a quick tap of X, because there's no other way to speed up the tedious exposition and pointless back-and-forth when you meet enemy groups.

There's only a handful of what you might call "puzzles", and the platforming ranges from "not bad" to "OK", serviceable but doesn't excel. The biggest strength and biggest weakness of the game is its combat, which is pretty involved. You can swap between three weapons which have different attributes, you often have to get around enemy blocks so there's a Wind Waker-style roll around move to hit their back, but you can also zip between targets during a combo, or use rolling, crouching, or jump attacks. You can carry up to 5 usable items which sometimes are used to explore but you have to rely on them for combat encounters late in the game when they start throwing waves at you with hordes of armoured enemies. When the difficulty spikes like this, it all just becomes too much and goes from an exercise in creatively using moves to keep your combo up to a struggle to survive (and if you die, you lose any consumables you used in your last attempt, also there's a lives system for some reason??).

I said combat might be the game's strength and it was clearly a focus of the project, but I had the most fun exploring the little worlds. There's lots of goodies to collect, mostly in the form of chests and pots containing money. You quickly end up with more than you'll ever spend but I still liked finding it. The point multiplier mechanic may seem superfluous but when you get accustomed to the flow of the platforming sections, grabbing coloured crystals to keep this combo going to make your fights and coins worth more points becomes addictive. The level design may be nothing special but the zones you traverse have some character to them.

It should be noted that this is a semi-linear game, in that the levels are mostly open to explore with events and sub-dungeons within them, but you progress from one field to the next with no way to go back. This bit me on more than one occasion when I blundered into the story trigger to move on before turning in one of the rare sidequests or going down a side path to find a health extension, making it permanently missable. This frustration prompted me to occasionally consult a Gamefaqs guide with maps during each subsequent chapter. The game does give you a minimap in the corner of the screen but it can't be expanded to a full map so it's less useful than it could be.

Legend of Kay would have felt middling even at release but rereleasing it just makes its deficiencies even more obvious. It's still got some charm for being "of that era" (I was often reminded of The Hobbit's action-adventure game from the same generation, but with fewer instant death pits), so I got some enjoyment from it. And it has some ideas that work, like the acrobatic combat and combo system. While some of the environments look nice there were just as many drab areas, and the repeated character model reuse got old. Oh, and sometimes you ride an animal and it's not fun. On the whole, I can't recommend this one... even if you ignore the cringey cultural stereotypes!!

[whining-ylthin]

Ylthin's Media Thread thingy for the tail-end of 2023 and 2024:

Normally I'd do it on Twitter but I fully expect that site to collapse in 6 months.

Glen Cook, "Czarna Kompania"/"Cie�� w ukryciu" ("Black Company"/"Shadows Linger") (Rebis, 2009 Polish edition, 2022 reprint)

I'm starting this list somewhat off the curb - I've finished the 2nd novel from this omnibus release just now, but I've also read the first one earlier this year... and I don't have much to say about either, honestly.

The prose is kind of clunky and awkward in a way that takes a moment to adjust to, and without directly comparing the Polish translation to the English original I can't tell how much of this unwieldiness is due to poor translation job and how much of it is just inherent to Cook's style. You're not reading this book for its characters, either - most of them are memorable only because of constant exposure, as names that you eventually learn to map to a broad role in the story or one, maybe two vague personality/appearance traits. What carried me through was what I can broadly describe as "vibes" and long-term significance of Black Company books - or maybe the wave of genre-fiction they were a part of. It certainly wasn't the first grim and gritty fantasy series out there, and the backside blurb's boasts about how Cook "brought the fantasy genre down to the level of common men" are very overblown (the books are literally about an evil sorceress' plan for world domination clashing against her messy divorce with her Dark Lord husband and a prophecy about the "divine savior" figure coming back to further piss into her breakfast), but I can still notice the seeds of interesting ideas being planted here and there, and the grit (while going for a very predictable "everyone is utterly miserable and the whores will give you all the STDs" route, and feeling more like catnip for 14-year-old boys rather than genuine "maturity") fortunately doesn't cross the line into unbearable edgelord territories yet. It was a part of the same wave of dark fantasy that either molded me directly (through Sapkowski's The Witcher novels and "Berserk"), indirectly (through a thousand imitators years down the line, from local fantasy authors of the 2000s to video games - Heroes of Might & Magic 5 in particular was retrospectively very blatantly inspired by Warhammer Fantasy), or infected me with sudden-onset brainrot in my mid-20s (Warhammer 40.000), and I can definitely feel and appreciate it even if I find these books to be rather mediocre so far.

I just wish I could get my hands on Moorcock's Elric books without going through a dozen hoops, but I guess I'll make do with Cook, Erikson and the odd Warhammer novel for the time being.

Oh, and this cover art? That tattered "dashing rogue" look, that borderline fractal leather-and-cloth patterning, the random spiky structures in the background? The long bob hair and goatee look straight out of the music video for "Imperium" by Machine Head? A cover that makes you think not even of actual early 2000s buttrock, but of Stuart Chatwood emulating it for Prince of Persia: Warrior Within's soundtrack? Hillariously mismatched with the actual novels. I haven't seen a choice this baffling since reading my dad's faded mid-90s pulp booklet edition of Ursula LeGuin's "Rocannon's World" paired up with either Vallejo or Frazetta sword-and-sandals artwork.

[dangermousie]

2020 End of Year Post - kdrama edition

You can find my 2020 cdrama post here: dangermousie.tumblr.com/post/638449659546845184/2020-end-of-year-post-cdrama-edition

This is only going to cover kdramas that aired in 2020; if it originally aired another year, it’s not on this list.

It’s been a pretty lackluster kdrama year. There are probably only 5 kdramas I truly loved and only three of them I was really obsessed over. Better luck in 2021!

DRAMAS WATCHED

(In order of liking from least to most as opposed to pure quality; I am including if I’ve seen enough to make up my mind; yes I realize that’s inaccurate, but that’s my list)

42 Born Again - so bad, so incoherent, so insane, I have no idea why the leads signed up for it (and unlike some of the other watchers, I think it was awful from the very start.) There is literally nothing about this drama that makes sense.

41 Love with Flaws - a bunch of people who should be tried under the Geneva Convention.

40 Sweet Munchies - Jung Il Woo proves his inability to pick a functional script.

39 Meow the Secret Boy - if you ever wanted to bang a cat, this drama is for you. Not being a furry, however...

38 Do Do Sol Sol La Sol - I lost braincells just typing out this title.

37 When I Was the Most Beautiful - the only way it’s not the dumbest, most pointless melo of 2020 is because Born Again considerately came out the same year.

36 Woman of 9.9 Billion - if you want to watch an artsy French movie about miserable people, but only badly made, boy do I have a drama for you.

35 Lies after Lies - screams after screams.

34 Backstreet Rookie - people were up in arms about various problematic plots. I am a survivor of many plots much more problematic but even I couldn’t survive how utterly boring and annoying this drama was and how utterly irritating the leads were. This has taken Ji Chang Wook off my top favorites into “should I even check his latest Lovestruck in the City? Probably not” territory almost single-handedly (Melt Me helped, to be fair.)

33 Men Are Men - boring is boring.

32 Dinner Mate - two beautiful boring people eat out a lot.

31 Was It Love - no it wasn’t.

30 Alice - Joo Won in the shower can make up for a multitude of sins but not plot nonsense of such magnitude. When you find yourself thinking it would be better if he hooked up with the alternate universe version of his mother because at least then something entertaining would happen, you know it’s bad.

29 More than Friends - started out OK, then made me hate basically everyone and kept going.

28 Start-Up - honestly, it’s probably more decent than its place here, but the toxic and batshit fandom for it (the worst this year) made me feel like breaking out in hives any time it’s even mentioned.

27 The Spies who Loved Me - how to take a good cast and waste it.

26 Private Lives - it was good but it never took off with its concept and spent more time on the incoherent plot than the OTP which was its one strength. It’s a decent drama but coming after Heartless City and My Beautiful Bride from the same writer, it’s a disappointment.

25 Record of Youth - as high as it is due to Park Bo Gum hard carrying this entire awful drama on his shoulders and doing it so well I finished it. Alas, while he is in one drama (and that drama is great), the rest of the characters and the entirety of the script are a pointless useless mess.

24 Do You Like Brahms - excellent first third, mediocre middle, and terrible last third. I don’t know what musical term applies to this? Diminuendo, I think.

23 I’ll Go to You When the Weather is Nice - nice and mellow but nothing much happens.

22 Forest - mainly for Park Hae Jin’s excellent and frequently naked bod.

21 The Ballot - I didn’t love it as much as everyone did but it was well-made.

20 Hyena - more romance and less weird law stuff would make it better.

19 365 Repeat the Year - surprisingly solid.

18 The Game Towards Zero - see 365.

17 When My Love Blooms - very old fashioned, very lovely.

16 Chocolate - also very old fashioned and very lovely but also with Yoon Kye Sang performing medical procedures bleeding and shirtless. MMM.

15 (tie) Secret Royal Inspector - a fun if run of the mill sageuk.

15 Find Me In Your Memory - best melo this year.

14 Mystic Pop Up Bar - surprisingly good even though I wasn’t planning to check it out.

13 Where Your Eyes Linger - came out of nowhere but was tender and hopeful and lovely.

12 Itaewon Class - Park Seo Joon hard carries a drama that is already excellent. Love it.

11 Psychopath Diary - Yoon Shi Yoon is such a treat in a hilarious, cynical, dark comedy.

10 Kairos - more like ouroboros.

9 Queen Love and War - in a year where sageuks are very rare, this was solid and surprisingly moving and shippy.

8 The King Eternal Monarch - people didn’t like it but I did. It’s no masterpiece and both the leads and the writers have better dramas, but it was a lovely romantic fairy tale for me.

7 Mr. Queen - sharp, hilarious, and some of my favorite actors.

6 Psycho But It’s OK - healing, sharp cinematography and even sharper chemistry.

5 Crash Landing on You - the last ep pissed me off so much this drama is dead to me but I loved it so much until then I can’t place it lower in good conscience.

4 Train - who knew I would go this hard for an OCN drama or that OCN would do romance so well? But this time-travel mystery romance is just incredible and I shipped the OTP and rooted for the characters and loved every last bit of it.

3 Run On - this is the drama Record of Youth wanted to be but failed. Smart and lived in, you feel like you are peeking at real people, but also even four episodes in, I am so invested in the main characters separately and together, and care for them so much, it’s a little frightening.

1 (tie) Tale of the Nine Tailed - my perfect fantasy romance. I liked it better than Goblin, yeah I said it.

1 Flower of Evil - all the tropes I love in one incredible package. I would rewatch episodes waiting for new ones trying to puzzle the story and to stay withdrawal but it works just as well on rewatch. Lee Jun Ki brings his trademark tortured intensity and for once, both his leading lady and his script back him up and are worthy of that. It’s perfect.

FAVORITE DRAMA

It’s a tie between Tale of the Nine Tailed and Flower of Evil but if I had to pick just one, FoE, because it had me seriously obsessed and guessing about the protagonist and gave me the narrative tropes I love so much and an OTP that statisfied all my hurt/comfort kinks and then some.

WORST DRAMA

Born Again - honestly, this is so bonkers it almost becomes good but alas...

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER

Do Hyun Soo/Baek Hee Sung, Flower of Evil - he is so messed up, so on edge, so traumatized. Yet capable of so much warmth and caring even as he himself doesn’t realize his humanity. FoE is basically a story of a man pushed and punished by the world for his entire life who, because of one woman, finds a safe place and peace and slowly comes to life without realizing it, and watching his desperation to keep this small bit of normalcy is so heartbreaking and exciting all at once. Plus, you start the drama thinking he’s a psychopathic serial killer and end it (if you are me) thinking he must be protected at all costs and if anyone even looks at him wrong they must suffer, and that’s quite a change!

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER

Nam Ji Ah, Tale of the Nine Tailed - she is so funny and tough and smart and loving and amazing that I will totally buy that a literal demi-god will do anything and everything for her and love her for literal eternity.

NEEDS TO BE MURDERED

Dad in Record of Youth - yes in a year with serial killers and supernatural demons, I picked a normal character from a mediocre drama. It’s his everyday awfulness to his family that hits so hard and I am sad he never got his comeuppance.

FAVORITE SHIP

Ji Ah x Yeon - a fearless reporter and an immortal demi-god who’s been hoping for his human beloved to reincarnate. A really rare set-up where the OTP is equally ride or die, so compatible and completely BAMF. I got why he waited for her for that long and then fell in love with her all over again. Perfection.

Runner up: Flower of Evil - he is so messed up he literally does not believe he is capable of love or empathy, but he falls in love with her anyway and so utterly she permeates his entire life. She is tough as nails and only believes what she sees and is the sole person who believes in him against the world. She loves him but he needs her. She needs him but he loves her. They are amazing.

FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP

Seo Dan x Gu Seung Jun, Crash Landing on You, North Korean x Conman were so good I shipped them harder than the main OTP and the end of that storyline pissed me off so much I dumped the drama and didn’t finish it for months (and it’s still dead to me.)

NOTP

Record of Youth - it started out and they didn’t have much chemistry but the dialogues were interesting and I thought the chemistry would grow. It didn’t and deteriorated, their dialogues became boring and relationship had zero development (about as much as the supposed female lead.) I think we were supposed to feel bad they broke up and they were going for a bittersweet open ending, instead I found myself happy about the break up of two incompatible, chemistry-less people and hoping for the love of God they never get back together.

FAVORITE SCENE

Yeon and the bridge of knives, Tale of the Nine Tailed - Yeon choosing to undergo the creeptastic bridge of knives for a chance to save Ji Ah, who at that point he is not aware is the reincarnation of his Joseon love because, as he says, he doesn’t care if she is or isn’t, it just would be more horrible to have her die than to undergo the horrific torture he is undergoing, and then the sequence with his catching her, her weeping over him and the fact that she is the original Joseon girl revealed and all the bandaging and his watching her sleep and all that loveliness, is everything for yours truly.

Runner up: Hyun Soo having that break-down at the cliff at the end of ep 15 of Flower of Evil as Ji Won desperately tries to convince him she is alive and he finally stumbles to her.

Runner runner up (it’s my list, I will do what I want): Do Won preparing to blow his brains out to give a chance to Seo Kyung to live in Train.

BIGGEST CRUSH

Seon-Gyeom, Run On. Yeah, I know. Im Siwan is tiny, delicate featured and has a runner’s build, none of which are things that normally appeal to me. But his character is so odd, so honest, so unflinching in pursuing what he thinks is right, so incapable of self-pity despite plenty of reasons for it, and so ridiculously attractive when he smiles, I don’t even care.

BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER

Kim Bum, TotNT - I started out being annoyed by him and ended up looking forward to his scenes and being distraught by his ending.

NEEDS A SEQUEL

Honestly, none. I was fine with all the endings. I wouldn’t mind seeing post-end life of Tale of the Nine Tailed characters or the OTP settling into their literal new world in Train, but I am good.

TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE

Time jump that solves all the problems off screen or alternatively years pass and everyone is frozen - something that kdramas need to learn and need to learn badly. See Record of Youth, Brahms and Start Up.

FAVORITE TROPE WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF

Men who are ride or die for their OTP - this was a great year for this - the male leads of four of my five dramas were beyond anything on that scale (only exception is Run On because it’s still too early to tell there.) Yes PLEASE.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT

This was a banner year for that what with Start Up, Do You Like Brahms, Record of Youth, and Private Lives all starting out well and nosediving off the cliff but winner is Crash Landing on You. I loved it so much for bulk of its run but the last episode pissed me off so much I deleted all my files and called it a day.

BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE

Flower of Evil - I had no expectations of this drama and wasn’t even planning on watching it despite liking both the lead actors because yet another “look at evil serial killer be evil” drama with no romance was not my thing. Luckily someone convinced me there might be some romance and I peeked curiously. Honestly, their promo campaign was the most misleading and dumbest thing ever.

Runner up Psycho but it’s OK - I have never liked Kim Soo Hyun in anything before and the drama premise seemed WTF but it was shockingly good and KSH totally blew me away.

Hardest Working Lead

Yoon Shi Yoon - he starred in two (!!!) dramas in 2020 playing three characters and not only were both these dramas awesome in a lackluster year, but if it wasn’t for the fact that I knew it was the same actor and the fact that the characters shared a face, I would have never believed that they were played by the same actor. So good!

2020 DRAMAS I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT I MOST WANT TO WATCH

None. Covid Year gave me PLENTY of time

BEST NON-2020 DRAMA I’VE WATCHED IN 2020

My Beautiful Bride and Deserving of the Name - I was obsessed with both of them and honestly, they were much better than the bulk of 2020 kdramas I watched.

MOST ANTICIPATED IN 2021

The Moon That Rises in the Day, Hong Chun Gi, Joseon Exorcist, Island,  Frightening Cohabitation, Snowdrop.

[tabloidtoc]

Star, May 3

You can buy a brand new copy of this issue without the mailing label for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Shiloh Jolie-Pitt

Page 1: Christina Aguilera at 40 -- she talks about child stardom, learning to love her body, and what she wants her daughter Summer to know

Page 2: Contents, Renee Zellweger, Phoebe Dynevor and James McAvoy at the BAFTAs in London

Page 3: Mariska Hargitay and Law & Order: SVU co-star Ice-T take a selfie during a break from shooting the cop drama in NYC, Heather Graham at the beach in Mexico, stepping into the America's Got Talent studio Sofia Vergara elevated her casual cropped jeans with strappy platform sandals in L.A., Jason Momoa cutting a rug with an unidentified partner ahead of filming a scene for his upcoming fantasy film Slumberland in Toronto

Page 4: Colton Underwood comes out -- saying he's the happiest and healthiest he's ever been, the former Bachelor clarifies his orientation

Page 5: Lena Dunham is no stranger to controversy, so it comes as no surprise that her foray into fashion design has also come under fire as she partnered with a plus-size label to create the capsule collection 11 Honore x Lena Dunham, but the kicky line quickly came under fire as critics are calling it tone-deaf, mediocre and not inclusive at all since its largest size is a 26 and some are even going so far to call Lena a grifter who gained weight in order to make money off the plus-size community but Lena, who underwent a hysterectomy at 31, has pointed to early menopause as the cause of her straight-up gut -- while Lena refuses to be intimidated by bullies, she is listening to the complaints about sizes and is planning to address it

* Once a cautionary tale of the perils of child stardom, at age 40 Macaulay Culkin is a father himself as he and girlfriend Brenda Song welcomed a son, Dakota -- he's finally overcome his demons and Brenda has been a huge influence on his life and helped him get back on the straight and narrow and he's even pursuing acting again, shooting season 10 of American Horror Story; his life has taken such a positive turn

* A year after announcing her split from Jay Cutler, Kristin Cavallari is seeing the upside of divorce, saying it's made her a better mom in some ways because she has her kids half the time now so when she has them for her week, she is so incredibly present with her kids Camden, Jaxon and Saylor and she is not distracted by her phone or anything else; she is with them -- Jay and Kristin each have the kids 182.5 days a year and court papers also revealed that her ex is allowed two phone calls and two FaceTime or Skype calls a week and vice versa so now every moment is precious and if someone is having a temper tantrum or something, she remains calm because she knows that she is losing them in a few days

Page 6: Gwen Stefani is widely thought to have had some help in the nips and tucks department, and as her wedding to Blake Shelton approaches, he is starting to object to her constant tweaking of her face -- she's always messing with it by getting more fillers and Botox and Blake is afraid of what he'll see at the altar and he's freaking out at Gwen's increasingly extreme beauty routine which is becoming increasingly over-the-top; Gwen can barely move her face to smile at him anymore and it looks weird -- while he frets, he's trying to reassure his wife-to-be because Blake thinks she's beautiful just the way she is

* As an executive producer on the long-running Law & Order: SVU, Mariska Hargitay has tasked the writers to come up with more storylines featuring one of her favorite characters: defense attorney Trevor Langan, played by none other than her husband Peter Hermann -- Mariska and Peter originally met and fell in love when Peter guest-starred on the show and she loves to keep that magic alive by bringing him back to play Trevor but the trouble is he is busy with his own gigs as a series regular on Younger and his recurring role on Blue Bloods and Peter loves working with his wife, but he has his own acting career apart from Mariska -- still, he may soon have his day in court because Peter understands how Mariska feels and is trying to work his schedule to allow him some guest spots in the near future

Page 8: Star Shots -- Lenny Kravitz with a guitar flaunted his well-sculpted midsection during a stroll on the beach, Suki Waterhouse with her on-the-go grub on the set in Liverpool

Page 9: Louisa Jacobson and Taissa Farmiga and Denee Benton on the set of The Gilded Age in NYC, Conan O'Brien sipped on a soda at lunch in L.A., Katy Perry in the American Idol bathroom

Page 10: Kate Hudson with mom Goldie Hawn and kids Ryder and Rani, Kate Hudson twirled solo modeling in a pal's swimwear collection, Jude Law's daughter Iris Law who will make her acting debut in Danny Boyle's upcoming Sex Pistols biopic makes a call in London

Page 12: Kelly Osbourne handed out items at a food distribution event as the Islamic Center for Southern California, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in the gym, despite a no-social warning a cheeky Nicole Kidman shared a pic from the set of Aaron Sorkin's Being the Ricardos in which she portrays Lucille Ball

Page 13: Anabella Sciorra and Donnie Wahlberg gloved up for a Blue Bloods scene in NYC, Heidi Klum and husband Tom Kaulitz started their morning during a walk on the beach in L.A.

Page 14: Travis Barker showed off his body art stepping off a Hollywood tour bus shirtless after filming a music video, a cheerful Britney Spears gave a fun look into her wardrobe in a pink floral frock, Scott Disick and Amelia Hamlin color-coordinated for a walk near the beach in Miami

Page 16: Lamar Odom and Aaron Carter put up their dukes to promote their Celebrity Boxing Match in Philadelphia, Priyanka Chopra Jonas and husband Nick Jonas at the BAFTAs in London, Ellen DeGeneres on the phone during a stroll in her main hood of Montecito

Page 18: Normal or Not? A denim-on-denim clad Jay Leno scratched an itch while filming a project in Los Angeles -- not normal, dressed in a Siggi sweatshirt Katie Holmes picked up some seasonal blooms on Manhattan's Upper East Side -- normal, Kate Beckinsale multitasked during a car ride by applying undereye patches -- not normal

Page 19: Gavin Rossdale appeared to be pleased with his Kitson purchase by doing a little dance after leaving the popular L.A. store -- not normal

Page 20: Fashion -- stars wow in statement-making capes -- Gisele Bundchen, Charlize Theron, Zoey Deutch

Page 21: Greta Gerwig, Elle Fanning

Page 24: Justin Bieber: How Love Saved Me -- the formerly troubled pop singer gives praise for wife Hailey Bieber

Page 25: Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles' romance has already cooled and the pair are giving each other space -- turns out Olivia and Harry don't actually have much in common -- the two jetted to London after wrapping Don't Worry Darling, but they were soon waylaid by their respective responsibilities as Olivia has been spending time with her kids Otis and Daisy while her ex Jason Sudeikis shoots Ted Lasso while Harry, who was spooked by how quickly intense things got, is gearing up for his role in My Policeman -- for now, the two have decided to reassess things when they're back in L.A., which leaves the window open for Jason, whose strategy was to let her and Harry fizzle out, then see where she is at, and it's going according to plan

* Jennifer Lopez calls off her relationship with Alex Rodriguez

* Carrie Underwood and Mike Fisher are better than ever after overcoming a rough patch, one that had their inner circle convinced they were headed for divorce -- Mike had a serious roving eye that made Carrie anxious and she would treat him like he was Mr. Underwood and tensions between the two were at an all-time high when the pandemic hit, forcing the two into extra one-on-one time, but as it turns out, their new routine is just what they needed because they set boundaries, divided up tasks and put time aside for fun things and they prioritized romance, which has made all the difference -- Carrie and Mike are re-committed to their marriage and they've been through so much so much and neither wants to throw it away

Page 26: Cover Story -- Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's model kid -- Shiloh Jolie-Pitt the gorgeous teen is ready for her close up, but Brad and Angie are at odds about Shiloh's new passion -- Shiloh's been experimenting with girlier styles lately, including growing out her hair and she's at the age where she's starting to change things up -- Brad isn't thrilled about Shiloh's modeling dreams and idea of her walking into the lion's den gives him cause for concern -- Angelina began modeling at 16, just one year older than Shiloh and Shiloh knows that's what set her mom on her path to fame and Shiloh is constantly asking Angie about the pros and cons of the modeling world

Page 29: Model Kids -- these celeb offspring also know how to strike a pose -- Hailey Bieber, Sofia Richie, Amelia Hamlin, Lily-Rose Depp, Brooklyn Beckham, Paris Jackson, Kendall Jenner, Corinne Foxx, Ireland Baldwin, Margaret Qualley, Kaia Gerber, Leni Klum, Patrick Schwarzenegger

Page 30: Prince William and Prince Harry: Behind Closed Doors -- the estranged princes are forced to reckon with their rift as the royal family gathers for Prince Philip's funeral

Page 32: High Anxiety -- it's not so simple for celebs who struggle with panic attacks -- Emma Stone, Stephen Colbert, Amanda Seyfried

Page 33: Hugh Grant, Ryan Reynolds, Ariana Grande

Page 36: Beauty -- nail it -- self-care essentials to score the perfect at-home manicure and pedicure -- Kaley Cuoco

Page 38: Style -- cute cases -- step up your tech, and fashion, game this season with a trendy cellphone cover -- Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

Page 40: Entertainment

Page 48: Parting Shot -- Corey Feldman embraced wife Courtney Anne Mitchell as the two ventured out for a romantic outing in L.A.

[teentitanimals]

AU Where All the Batkids are in School but are Still Superheroes

I see a lot of No Powers Highschool AUs out there, but superheroing is half the fun to me. And yeah, technically, I’m pretty sure most of the Batfam have been to school, but I mean, at the same time? You’d have to squish their ages down, but I think it’d be wild! And also, it’s all the Batkids (and some Superkids because why not, they go to the same school in this AU, okay?), including Helena, Terry, Matt, etc. And yes, they all keep their backstories (as in, Terry and Matt are still McGinnis’s too, and all that.) Also, I suck at knowing the education level system and ages, so, just a warning there.

Not in School (duh): Bruce, Alfred, Selina, Jim, Lucius, Clark, Lois, other adults

In (Fourth Year) College: Kate (23-24)

In (Second Year) College: Dick, Barbara (19-20)

In (First Year) College: Tam (18-19)

In Senior Year: Jason, Luke, Kara (17-18)

In Junior Year: Cass, Harper, Terry (16-17)

In Sophomore Year: Tim, Steph, Carrie, Duke, Conner (15-16)

In Freshman Year: Damian, Helena, Colin (14-15)

In 8th Grade: Matt, Jon, Cullen (13-14)

In 4th Grade: Timothy Fox (9-10)

In Kindergarten: Tiffany (5-6)

Who Stays Where?

For reference, I’d say they all go to a school somewhere between Gotham and Metropolis, rather than Gotham Academy or Metropolis High. Let’s call it... Mediocre High. A mediocre school for completely normal, mediocre kids.

Stays in Metropolis w/ Clark and Lois, but are at Wayne Manor 90% of the time anyway: Kara, Conner, Jon

Has their own apartments/safehouses but are at Wayne Manor 90% of the time time anyway: Kate, Dick, Jason, Tim, Steph, Harper

Stays at Wayne Manor: Terry, Cass, Carrie, Duke, Damian, Helena, Colin, Matt, Cullen (unless Cullen stays with his sister... or if any of them run away, because they do that often too)

Stays with their parents, or at their own apartments, and are at Wayne Manor a little less than 90% of the time anyway: Barbara, Tam, Luke, Timothy, Tiffany

What’s the Sitch with Relationships?

Biologically Bruce’s, and known to the public as biologically Bruce’s: Damian, Helena

Biologically Bruce’s, but not known to the public as biologically Bruce’s: Terry, Matt (these two often visit their mother!)

Legally adopted by Bruce: Dick, Jason, Tim, Cass, Duke

Not legally adopted by Bruce but, come on, they’re his kids anyway: Harper, Cullen, Carrie, Colin

Family Friends that are like siblings/cousins (or siblings-in-law ;3): Kara, Conner, Jon, Barbara, Steph, Tam, Luke, Timothy, Tiffany

Wine Aunt/Older Sister: Kate

Shenanigans

It was a hilarious bit started by Steph and encouraged by Dick, Jason, and Carrie that they should all stuff themselves into the smallest limo or helicopter possible and crawl out like clowns. It was funny, to be fair, but the bloodshed spilled because of it banned them from doing it again. The kids got split into two separate cars after that, but eventually went back to one big limo, except for those who’d prefer to keep their sanity and drive there on their own (assuming they have a licence).

This batch of kids, excluding Kara, Conner and Jon, are often referred to as the “Wayne kids”, or the “Gotham kids”. Sometimes Kara, Conner and Jon get called Gotham Kids as well, despite being from Metropolis and proud. They’re vocality from protesting against being called Gotham Kids earned them the nickname “Not-Gotham Kids”.

Damian, Helena, Colin, Matt, Jon and Cullen are one of Those groups. Often together, closely knit, all characters on their own, but together, they lose all braincells. Teachers love all of them individually (with the exception of Damian), but are absolutely terrified of them as a group.

The second group most like that would be the girls- Tam, Kara, Steph, Cass, Harper, Carrie and sometimes Barbara, Kate and Helena. Alone, they’re pretty good kids, but together their chaotic-ness knows no bounds.

Who are we kidding? All of these kids are like that. Put any two together, and you’re either going to see someone get stabbed, a glitter bomb explode, an impromptu dance session, or debate the pronunciation of “bologna” for an hour.

Due to Damian often claiming he’s the rightful heir as the blood son, Helena, Matt and Terry will often pipe up to remind him that he isn’t the only blood son (or daughter, in Helena’s case). This often causes problems, not because Damian attacks them (verbally or physically), but because Terry and Matt aren’t, in the public’s eye, biologically Bruce’s, so the kids often have to scramble to make up some excuse to outsiders, often settling with it being an inside joke.

In this AU, Terry and Matt go by “Futurebat and Futurebird” because Why Not? As for Conner and Jon both being Superboy... how about, we just keep it that way? Because, really, Why Not? The public dubs them both the “Superboys”, and there’s no need to change it for now. Sometimes Conner gets called the Superclone, but mostly they just differentiate by some variation of “Superboy One/Uno and Superboy Two/Dos”. Sometimes “Superteen and SuperPre-Teen” when Jon was a bit younger. Also, think of all the shenanigans that can arise from that. Amazing.

Damian, at first, had as much hate towards Helena (and eventually Terry and Matt when they learned of them as well) as he did towards Tim. But, Helena always found his anger a bit funny (so long as it wasn’t life-threatening, which it often was). She never wanted to “be the heir” to Batman or Catwoman. She just happened to be their kid, and she wanted her own hero persona anyway, aka The Huntress.

To explain the situation with Helena, Terry and Matt, I’d say Helena (who’s a few months younger than Damian) was raised by Bruce and Selina, but the two’s relationship was on-and-off, and there were long periods where Selina would solo-parent Helena and Bruce (or Alfred and/or Dick, really) would solo-parent Helena. Eventually, the two got their shit together and are currently in a loving relationship, but not married yet. Terry and Matt were, of course, kept hidden from Bruce, being raised by Warren and Mary in a loving family. Eventually, after the death of Warren, and Terry trying to strike out as a solo hero, and the discovery that his DNA matched Bruce’s rather than Warren’s, their story was revealed that Terry was planned to be “future Batman” by Amanda Waller (needless to say Damian did Not Like That). Terry confronted Bruce and told him about it, and eventually Matt would learn the truth as well.

The only people Damian actively calls by their first names are Jon, Colin and Helena. Helena is only because Damian didn’t want to admit she was a Wayne at first (even though her legal last name in this AU is Kyle-Wayne).

They have a lot of animals, some are permanent, some come and go, some are just strays they feed, but nothing will compare to the amount of cats they have. The majority are strays that stay outside of the manor, yes, but they have too many. Sometimes they’ll be walking down a street opposite side of Gotham, and see one of their cats. This isn’t even because Selina now lives with them, and she brought her cats with her. No, it’s because Dick, Barbara, Jason and Steph, among others, loved the idea of Catwoman being a crazy cat lady, so they kept getting her more cats, which, in turn, gave everyone a new cat. And Damian was not helping in the least bit. Selina at least tried to stop them from bringing more cats home, but Damian would smuggle them back in anyway. Bruce honestly wishes someone had a cat allergy so they would have an excuse not to have that many cats.

Helena is a dog person. She likes cats, but... Dogs.

The Batkids all fight over the right of getting to babysit Tiffany.

Cass is often called the Good Kid by teachers and staff. That is not true, the true Good Kid is Duke. This is because he’s the only one that can maintain his braincells even in a group... 90% of the time, anyway.

Half of these kids will vanish during school hours to go stop some crime even though Bruce has repeatedly told them not to do that. The other kids who are not superhero vigilantes or manage to respect said rule (which is not often) scramble to make excuses for them. No excuse has ever been something normal, but it works because “When have Wayne kids ever been normal?”

School events like dances and football games are awful. Some of the kids are aware going will be awful, and desperately try to get out of it, but someway, somehow, they always wind up there. It would have been chaotic enough just having the Gotham Kids go, but when they bring their friends too (Teen Titans, Young Justice, Outlaws, whomever), there’s no hope. Their classmates at school both fear and look forward to these events, depending on how they go down. On one hand, it’s the Waynes! You’re basically watching “Keeping up with the Waynes” in real life! On the other hand, oh god, don’t get caught in the crossfire, whatever you do, run for dear life if you must.

Amazingly, Dick is the only one who got permanently banned from these events. And he didn’t even do anything. Well... anything as bad as his siblings, anyway.

They have all gotten suspended at least once, whether they are a Good Kid or not. Jason is actually one of the Good Kids so long as his siblings aren’t around to annoy him, but he got caught with a gun once, and barely escaped getting expelled... well, actually, he didn’t barely escape it, he was a Good Kid after all. But it was still on the table. That was, miraculously, the only time he got suspended.

Damian, surprisingly, does not have the highest suspension rate, but he does have the highest “called into the office” rate. You can guess all the reasons- sneaking pets into school, sneaking wild animals into school, having knifes and/or other weapons on him, belittling other students (he’s not intentionally trying to bully them, but, he can’t help but point out what they’re doing wrong), arguing and insulting teachers, ditching class (for vigilantism of course), etc.

The highest suspension rate goes to Dick, before he went to college. Mostly it was just due to how often he would skip classes and not turn in homework, but occasionally he would get into fights (to defend another kid, usually). The schools hadn’t yet gotten tolerable to the chaos that is the Waynes yet.

I suppose I should list the Good Kids. They are as follows: Cass, Duke, Jason, Luke, Helena, Cullen, Jon and Tiffany (she is Small and Innocent).

The Bad Kids: DAMIAN, Conner, Steph (she likes causing trouble for fun), Carrie (same as Steph, but more class clown-y) and Terry (mostly when he was younger).

The Bad Kids Sometimes: Harper, Timothy Fox, Kara

The Neutral Kids: Tam, Tim (depends on whether he’s crashed from lack of sleep or caffeine overdose), Dick, Matt, Barbara

The “Troubled” Kids (don’t label them that schools, rude): Colin, Cullen too technically but he’s more “Good”, Kate, literally all of them depending on the time of day (or night, specifically)

[radramblog]

Elder Dragon Highlander

 Commander is a format of Magic the Gathering that has become almost completely detached from its original premise. Much of what the format is is built upon the concept of Elder Dragon Highlander- 21 Commander damage is lethal because that’s 3 hits from an Elder Dragon, the slow grindy format built to accommodate the original 5’s heavy mana investment and limited effects.

But that was a long time ago, and the designers at WoTC have opted to attach the moniker of Elder Dragon to a number of additional cards. 21 total cards hold the name, 4 cycles of 5 apiece with one straggler at the back.

What is considered “elder” is largely to do with lore, I think, but due to its association with such iconic cards, it’s interesting to see how and what the label is attached to.

I’ll, uh….do cube something next week? I dunno. But this is the Elder Dragons.

 The original 5

The first elder dragon cycle is kind of iconic of Magic in general. Released in Legends, they were the first tricoloured cards in the entire game, were I believe the biggest and most expensive cards of the time, and all represented characters from the comics that I think just about everyone forgets existed.

They do not even remotely resemble modern design. Clunky is one thing, but the quintuplets are almost aberrant to what would be considered attractive Magic cards. A monstrous investment of mana in multiple colours that has a continuous upkeep of more mana, all for an arguably understatted flying creature with one extra ability. Chromium gets Rampage, a keyword that started in Legends, ended in Mirage, and doesn’t have reminder text despite being arguably confusing. Palladia-Mors gets Trample, making it arguably one of the best ones. Vaevictis Asmadi gets Firebreathing in all 3 of its colours, in case 8+3+3+3… wasn’t enough mana-shaped eggs in one basket for you. Arcades gets a bonus ability in toughness-breathing, to make up for it’s deliberately mediocre ability- the “oh cool I can use this with vigilance” eureka/fun brain moment quashed by its pointless limitation.

And then, of course, there’s Nicol Bolas. Somehow one of the game’s most iconic characters, in an art rendition that makes a powerful villain look like a gentle draconic geriatric. (EDITORS NOTE: still Rad here but I just now noticed this mf has a fucking dragon nipple, wtf?) I suppose Bolas becoming so well known was inevitable, if only because it was the only one of the most popular cycles with an actually cool and powerful ability. There are currently 210 more Bolas decks than any other member of this cycle, and that difference also happens to be twice what the other four have combined.

Bolas is arguably the only one that stood the test of time, the only one to ever show up independently of the other 4. I suppose we’ll see if any of the rest do the same, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up.

(Elder) Dragons of Tarkir

The titular Dragons of Tarkir’s third set (Dragons of Tarkir) were a set I was excited to see as the cards were being spoiled. The lore of the plane was interesting, with Magic stepping into a plot with time travel and finally showing us what Ugin looked like after almost 10 years of curiosity. The dragons that would become the Clan leaders had appeared previously in Fate Reforged, and the editions that we’d see as Elders- 10,000 years older and in some cases even wiser- presented a powerful and exciting cycle. Unlike with the Legends dragons, I’m pretty sure all of these saw play somewhere.

Ironically, though, I’m pretty sure these were deliberately tuned for Standard rather than the format named after their typeline. Even outside of Kolaghan’s line of text that….doesn’t do a whole lot in the format, Ojutai and Silumgar were pretty obviously built to be the finishers in the Esper Dragons deck that ran them, Atarka a clear top-end for Gruul Monsters (and, eventually, Eldrazi Ramp), and Dromoka a potential menace in Dromoka’s Command-backed Midrange lists. These cards are all quite powerful, but they’re built for a different kind of game.

That’s I suppose the biggest issue with the Dragons of Dragons of Tarkir, they were underwhelming. The set as a whole was fairly middling, though I did truly enjoy the draft format. I’m pretty sure the most played card in the set is fucking Collected Company, one I kind of despise, followed with Kolaghan’s Command which is just a traumatic experience for me. And while 3 of these 5 are seeing more play than their past counterparts, including Dragonlord Ojutai being literally 10 times more commonly seen than Soul of Winter, that difference is largely a matter of power (or lack thereof), the Mythic Dragonlords being obviously stronger than their Rare originals. The rare ones are arguably more fun, though, and that’s what matters to me.

 Legends…2! (aka core set 2019)

Part of the theme of Core Set 2019 was the story (read: retcon so the ending of War of the Spark makes more sense) of Bolas and Ugin in their youth, which meant that we got to get updated, modern designs of the original Elder Dragons (not Ugin tho lmao). And by Modern, I kind of mean postmodern, because we’re at the point where Commander cards start getting absurd All The Time.

Each of the Elder Dragons of Core 2019 (copyright WoTC 2018) have the benefits of updated design practices with 24 extra years of experience, as well as not having to have a million words on them for silly reasons like extra mana sacrifice triggers. Even Palladia-Mors, probably the weakest of them (and still pretty threatening!), gets to have flavour text hinting at a potential return (which hasn’t happened yet).

When you’re designing cards like these, though, it’s inevitable that some are going to be overshadowed by others. Baby Bolas, of course, was one of the flagship cards for the set, being a transforming Planeswalker with lots of abilities that wins the game in just the most classy way I’ve seen in a minute. And Arcades took a fun niche deck people liked and blew it wide open, making Defenders into one of the most disgusting Offensive decks in a minute.

But then there’s Chromium, a fairly powerful Voltron/Control finisher but not one that leads you in any particular direction. Vaevictis does lead in fun directions, but would then be completely dwarfed by the absurdity that is Lord Windgrace the same year and Korvold the next one.

Outside of a few, this cycle feels like it got kind of lost in the shuffle, and I think that’s not really that much a reflection of the cards (except maybe Palladia, the Naya Problem rearing its ugly head again), and more the greater issue with Magic as a whole just shitting out cards constantly faster than most can catch up.

Welcome to Strixhaven School of Magecraft and Sideboardary

Our final cycle is the new kids on the block, the Strixhaven dragons. I suppose one way to make the definitely not Hogwarts Houses (they’re colleges, Clearly) seem important is attach a giant Fuckoff Dragon next to them.

A thing I like a lot about Strixhaven as a set is how it was introducing a new Thing for each of the enemy colour pairs to do- Golgari Lifegain, Boros Graveyard, Izzet Spells But Big Ones Instead Also Treasures?. The set came with loads and loads of cards supporting each of these themes, and having Commander 2021 alongside it and associated with it means they’re well supported by that as well. But, and this is the important part, the Elder Dragons aren’t as overshadowed because they too are doing something different, even if its rather slight in some cases, on their own- but each supporting or being supported by the Dragon in question.

Beledros is a Big Mana Golgari commander (normally seen in Mono-Green or Gruul) whose huge life cost is assisted by the Lifegain cards Witherbloom got. Galazeth helps ramp into the giant spells associated with Prismari while also making the alternate discard into treasure option some of those spells have a lot better. Tanazir doubles the power of Quandrix’s Fractal tokens, and makes them even more huge when attacking due to then natively being 0/0s. And I don’t really know what the idea in Silverquill is other than “Politics”, but Shadrix looks fucking cool and probably plays really nicely. It’s just a really fucking solid cycle.

It’s not really possible to tell how these 5 are going to play out- Strixhaven is still the latest Standard Set to release at time of writing. But I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the most successful Elder Dragon cycle as a whole assuming you’re looking at, like, mean Decks.

And then there’s The Other One

As part of Modern Horizons 2, cards for a set of characters from alllll the way back from those Legends stories were created- a new Dakkon, a Geyadrone Dihada, and the Elder Dragon that showed up in their story- Piru.

Piru is, obviously, a reference to the original cycle of Elder Dragons, but in a Wedge colour rather than a Shard. And with an extra keyword, which is something I missed, because it makes all the difference. I had written this card off, until I realised that Lifelink triggered from the death trigger, and when this thing dies it isn’t too hard to gain dozens of life points. That’s a lot and combined with clearing the board it’s not too hard to get virtually unkillable. I love leaning into the downside from the original dragons by adding a powerful death trigger like this.

Piru released very recently, and already has 112 decks to her name. I wouldn’t be surprised if that plateaus, but it’s still rather promising. 8 mana is a lot in non-green colours, but I like Piru, and I’d be happy to see her see lots and lots of play going forward.

While 2021 has so far had more Elder Dragons than any other year, they’ve been a very promising cadre with a lot of interesting ideas going on. With that said, I’m not sure that I want the trend to continue, because the more they make (the more Elders in general, really), the less special they get. But for now at least, it looks like we’re finally getting to a good place for Elder Dragons. Only took us 27 years.

[dreamaboutwhathappens]

the man was FILLED with easter eggs and metaphors. here they are!

1. being in the room where it happens

in the lyric video for the man, we see a woman working so hard to try and get to where all the men are -- on top, both physically and metaphorically. in the music video, we see The Man starting out here, just another normal day at the office. another normal day in charge, and on top.

2. “i’d be a fearless leader”

The Man not so much as walks into the room and makes a few comments before getting applause for his work. at the same time, every desk in this office can be seen with a mountain of papers, files, and books stacked on top of them. for all the hard work that these people are doing in this office, The Man gets all the applause for a fraction of it.

3. the subway

now, obviously what we have here is what you have on any and every subway or other form of local transportation -- that one asshole who feels entitled to take up as much space as he wants at the discomfort of everyone around him. while i could get into how mansplaining is a metaphor for men feeling the right to take up more space in society then women, i won’t. instead, i want to focus on all the little details on this subway that tell men they can. at the very, very top of the frame, we see text at the bottom of an ad that says “because you DESERVE what you want” and the posters on either side of The Man tell us “mother nature doesn’t stand a chance” and “capitalize on the feeling”. this is how society treats men. they should get to do whatever they want, based only on their feelings or wants. this notion will become important in the subway station.

shoutout to the girl in the miss americana hoodie! i think we can safely say she’s listening to lover on her headphones.

4. the newspaper

for this image, i turned the brightness WAYYY up so we could read the newspaper. the leading headline is “what man won the year in celebrity dating?” with the caption “who crushed it this year?” one headline says “years most eligible CEO’s” and another says “men in love in sports”. now, i don’t have to tell you that taylor swift was vilified for her relationships. these headlines show the difference between how men and women are treated when it comes to relationships. what’s it like to brag about getting bitches and models?

on the back cover, we see a contrast between how men and women are viewed in society. the ad dedicated towards men has a very strong and tough vibe to it, and the article beneath it carries the title “it’s men against boys with no ladies around.” in fact, the only mention we get of said “ladies” is in the “style section” where we see two sexy, rail thin women posing at fashion shows. while society views men for their strength, women are supposed to be objects of beauty and desire, and nothing more. 

5. here lies taylor swift’s reputation (and all her previous albums)

now, obviously, the sign says “missing, if found, please return to taylor swift” and grafitied on the walls are the names of the albums whose masters taylor does not own. remember when those ads on the subway told men that you DESERVE what you want? that’s what empowered The Men who stole taylor’s masters to take them. they wanted them, after all! let’s also remember that The Man is can be seen pissing on the wall in this shot. it’s a metaphor for The Men who own taylor’s old albums and are essentially pissing on all her hard work. we can also see “KARMA” written in big letters in the middle of all the albums, which invokes a lyric from look what you made me do: “all i think about is karma, and then the world moves on but one things for sure, maybe i got mine but you’ll all get yours”. pretty sure karma is coming for The Men who own taylor’s masters.

if you look closely, you can also see a sign to the left of The Man that says no scooters! sc*oter bra*n is not welcome at the 13th street station

6. “i’d be just like leo in st. tropez”

for your viewing pleasure, i have included an image of leo in st. tropez. we can see women in bikinis, and every sort of expensive, luxurious form of leisure you could think of. during the verse where we see The Man on the yacht, she sings “they’d say i hustled, put in the work, they wouldn’t shake their heads and question how much of this i deserve”. this is reminiscent of The Man when he was in the office and how, no matter how much work he did or didn’t do, he is heralded as a genius. the point of saying she’d be just like leo in st. tropez is not to try and call out leonardo dicaprio for going a cruise and having some fun. people should be entitled to celebrate and vacation however they please. the point is that women should be able to do the same thing.

7. The Man’s “walk of shame”

this is a metaphor for how men in society are treated when they take a misstep. while women can be criminalized and thrown the wolves, it appears that men always have people on their team, and in this case, hands lining up to be high-fived. men often are not held to the same standards as women, and even when they do something wrong, they face very little backlash for it, and normally have their own set of groupies or supporters telling them that they were really in the right (and they are allowed to believe it).

at the back of the hallway, there hangs a portrait of The Man pointing at the camera, as if to say “you ARE the man.” it feels like uncle sam, but in a “ i want YOU for us army whatever your heart desires” kind of way.

8. world’s greatest dad

the bar for men is so low that when they do the very minimum (in this case, merely look after their own child), they get commended for it. imagine if this were a woman. would she be applauded? no, she would probably be reprimanded for being on her phone and ignoring her child, like The Man did here.

9. bragging

this one is pretty self-explanatory. what’s it like to brag about raking in dollars and getting bitches and models? what’s it like when it’s all good if you’re bad and it’s okay if you’re mad? in this scene, we see The Man telling all his buddies about the bitches and models and dollars, and then freaking out on somebody. 

10. raking in dollars

who's on the 100 dollar bill? he is! the serial number on this bill also ends in 13. i thought there might be more hidden goodies here, but if there are, the video isn’t in high enough resolution to tell. the only other thing i can make out was that it said “for motion picture use only” which i thought would be an easter egg until i rendered it in photoshop and could read it clearly. oh well!

11. raising money for the women’s charity

a problem we see in society a lot is people of privilege being an ally only by action, not by everyday behavior. here, we see The Man benefitting a women’s charity, but all throughout the video we haven’t seen him go out of his way to respect or give a voice to women. even in this shot, a woman stands on the sidelines while The Man takes all the glory. while he raises money for women, he has no other character traits that show he actually cares about them. 

in a different shot of this scene, a water bottle from taylor’s merch can be seen on the sideline.

12. the unimpressed umpire

this is taylor’s dad! his name is scott. in a video full of mediocre men, scott is our resident Good Man :)

13. the freakout

in 2018, serena williams unleashed on an umpire who accused her of cheating and stuck her with her third penalty of the game -- penalties the whole crowd was certain she did not deserve. she even said at the time “To lose a game for saying that, it’s not fair. How many other men do things? There’s a lot of men out here who have said a lot of things. It’s because I am a woman, and that’s not right.” this is a DIRECT representation of this. it’s as they say, it’s all good if you’re bad, and it’s okay if you’re mad.

14. the hat

the hat our tennis attendant is seen wearing says “TS” in big letters, and in a circle around it, it says “i’d be a fearless leader, i’d be an alpha type.” taylor’s dad can also be seen wearing this hat.

15. the one where lover is NOT the happy couple’s first dance

first of all, this shit makes me SO uncomfortable. this is obviously an allusion to all the men who marry MUCH younger women, which is poignant because, again, taylor suffers mercilessly for her relationship choices, and they’re nowhere near as abhorrent as this. something also worth mentioning: scott borchetta is turning 58 this year. i’ll let you figure the rest out.

16. mr americana

any taylor swift fan will know that in january, taylor released a documentary with an intimate perspective on her life titled “miss americana” which focused a lot on the struggles taylor has overcome in her career. choosing miss americana to be a part of this video is a wise choice, because it highlights those same struggles that taylor is tackling in this music video. we can probably assume that mr americana faces significantly less struggles.

every part of this poster has been revamped to be man-centered, even down to the star role - tyler swift, not taylor.

17. take two

here, our director tells The Man that he needs to be sexier, and more likable. this reflects criticism that taylor and other women in the public eye hear almost daily. as i mentioned before, women in society are valued only as objects of beauty and desire, and here, we see the script flipped to bring that to light. 

in this final scene, we leave the fantasy world of the music video that The Man is starring in, and go to what appears to be a woman-dominated world, insinuating that the universe of the music video is one opposite to our own. this drives home the claim that if taylor were the man, she would be the man.

18. dwayne the rock johnson

i thought that having the rock voice The Man was really poignant. think about the rock’s career -- started out as a wrestler, is now an actor, but he’s known for his kindness and his dedication to social justice. if you asked me if he had ever been a part of any scandal, i would tell you no. and that’s exactly who The Man is. that’s exactly who this song is about, and that’s who taylor is. she has had an insanely successful career spanning over a decade, crossing into multiple different genres and fields, and excelling at all of it. she’s friendly, hard working, a social justice warrior, and a philanthropist. but all of those things are pushed aside in favor of the negative. using the rock as The Man was the perfect way of finishing off the statement,

“if i was a man, i’d be the man.”

[gaminginferno]

Borderlands 3: Bounty of Blood. A cacophony of mediocrity

Mild spoilers abound, HEAVY spoilers at the end. enter at your own risk

Most people who know me as a gamer know that Borderlands is one of my favorite game series of all time. I have very fond memories of playing Borderlands 2 time and time again with siblings on Xbox 360, on PS Vita and again when the handsome collection released on the PS4. Despite beating the game dozens of times, I always find myself coming back to find another legendary or just spend time killing random mobs. When Borderlands 3 came out, I was obviously excited and while I do have some issues, more on that at another time, I was ultimately pleased with the game and even more so with the DLC, until now. The Bounty of Blood DLC is a western-style adventure featuring a fresh cast of characters and tons of gunslinging and hijinks so what went wrong?

1.       It has a weird aesthetic?

Let’s get the biggest elephant in the room out first: Why the hell is there a Japanese aesthetic in the Western DLC??? It serves no purpose in the story, is never mentioned, or even hinted at. It just feels like an addition that somebody thought was fun and never had any thought outside “Hey this would be cool”. The only mention is that the people call you “tomodachi” instead of “amigo” as you would expect from a western. It makes even less sense when you consider that “The Company” as they call it (a weapon manufacturing corporation with a strong western feel, I wonder what it could be?) would never make the decision to abandon their own aesthetic for the sake of Japanese without there being a serious reason. And it severely hinders the game especially because…

2.       It doesn’t feel like a western

This is by far the most disappointing point to me because the Borderlands 2 Lynchwood section was a wonderful western section, but it didn’t really have much to do with the rest of the story so I was really excited to see what they would do and it really fell flat. It felt more like a recycled borderlands story than anything I would expect from a western movie. Even the Lynchwood stories had the train robberies and bank heists that you would think of for a traditional western, but this DLC doesn’t have shootouts at high noon, standoffs, duels, or anything close to westerns in the missions and, coupled with the Japanese aesthetic, it makes it easy to forget that there is a western theme in the first place.

3.       The new battle mechanics are useless

So, this new DLC brings a whopping three new mechanics that can be used in gameplay, both in gunfights and in platforming and puzzles. The biggest one, and the one that is used the most, is the green core crystal. These are used to break various items and hurt enemies with corrosive power and honestly are a fun and interesting addition to the combat. The problem is it isn’t the only ones they chose to implement. A charming plant that makes enemies fight for you and teleportation are also brought in in this DLC and it makes the whole thing seem conflated. The charming seem useless since most enemies are dead long before the plant can slowly make its way to the enemy to charm it. The teleporting comes so late into the game that it doesn’t get used often and moving from one space to another in an instant seems so foreign and is usually ignored completely during normal playing because moving around that much isn’t really how Borderlands is played. It makes sense in Doom because you’re constantly running, but for this game it’s more strafing and shooting. Putting all of these together just makes battlefields confusing and it seems much easier to just shoot stuff like usual.

4.       I’ve already forgotten the characters

I’m not going to say much about this to avoid spoilers, but the only person who seems to have any sort of personality is the main antagonist. Everyone else seems like generic background character, like you would see giving out random sidequests. Even the character models of the other characters seem uninspired and bland. For them to mention having a new cast of characters, it feels really rushed and none of the characters seem like they would make any impact outside of the DLC.

Last Pre-Spoiler thoughts

The DLC as a whole seems really forgettable, like it’s a filler until they can put out the Krieg-centered DLC later on this year. They put a lot of decent concepts into it, but none of them connected with any of the others and so the whole process seems disjunct and pointless. I would have much rather they fully went towards the Japanese aesthetic and made a samurai story as opposed to half do a western without much western in it.

Story Spoilers underneath, you’ve been warned!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

5.       Story thoughts

One of the main reasons that the story falls flat is that it feels like a recycled borderlands story as opposed to anything western related. It’s the same old story of the big bad person has some magical artifact that we are looking to get back, only to find out the main bad guy wants to unleash a powerful creature to destroy everything, then you chase after them, fighting through their minions and lieutenants only to reach them just as they unleash the monster and you kill them, and then the monster in question. It’s basically the same beats as Borderlands 2, except without any of the character building or plot timing of a full game. It completely forgets the whole western aspect, (much like the base game forgets about the livestreamer aspect, again, more on that later) and goes back to their normal routine, further cementing to me that this DLC was more of an afterthought or a filler than a DLC that has much thought towards it.

[nuttyrabbit]

Sonic Forces Thoughts

The title may seem a bit strange, given that the game is 3 years old already, and I’ve given my thoughts on the story plenty of times before as well as shared those of others, but I wanted to make this post because I decided to actually sit down and play Sonic Forces front to back for the first time since the game was on sale on the Nintendo Switch Eshop for a stupidly cheap price (10 dollars as of the time of this post)

Now that I’ve actually beaten the game and seen pretty much all the game has to offer (outside of Episode Shadow), I might as well give my thoughts on it.

On the whole, the best way to describe Sonic Forces is “mediocre”, because almost everything about it is just mediocre. The story, the  music (which kills me to say), the level design, everything about the game just reeks of unfiltered mediocrity.   It’s not terrible, but it’s not good either, it’s just kinda....there.

Now I could leave it there but I actually want to go into detail, so I’ll break it down into a couple of sections to get my thoughts out in an organized way under the readmore, starting with 

STORY:  As I said at the start of the post, I’ve said my piece about the story many times over and agreed with the thoughts of others on that matter, so I’ll keep this quick. 

The story feels incredibly undercooked and doesn’t even come close to fulfilling its potential, especially when it comes to Infinite. Holy shit I could spend 2 hours ranting about how much wasted potential this fucking character is on a story and gameplay level but at this point it’s beating a dead horse.  

The characters and their characterization is generally fine (except Tails holy shit what did they do to you) but like Infinite, they feel grossly underutilized and feel like they’re there for the sake of it rather than because they contribute anything of meaning. 

I don’t have much else to say other than that the story shares a common problem with the rest of the game in that it is very short. Like, I got Forces yesterday and I beat it in the span of what? 5 or 6 hours? As such, the story feels incredibly rushed because of that.  This segues into my next topic 

Gameplay:  This is a bit of a broad topic but I’ll break it down into something manageable, going from general to specific

Difficulty: Starting with difficulty, Forces is, for the most part, an incredibly easy game. The game defaults to the “hard” difficulty but it should really be called “normal” because nothing in this game will give you too much trouble (at least for reasons of actual difficulty). The boss fights, especially the final one, are pitifully easy and simplistic, especially if you use the Burst Wisp. Seriously, that thing destroys all the Avatar bosses with no issue. As such, the incredibly low difficulty makes the games’ length that much more noticeable, which speaking of

Length: The game, as I’ve said before, is incredibly short. I beat it in 5-6 hours but you could easily beat it in around 3 or 4. There’s 30 stages plus the Episode Shadow stuff and some bonus stages you unlock with Red Rings, but almost all of them are laughably short, the longest of them clocking in at around 4 or 5 minutes and the shortest being barely a minute and a half (the bonus stages are ~45 seconds long).  The only time I spent more than 5 minutes in a level is if I repeatedly died on a certain part, which happened only once or twice and for reasons I will get into.   It somehow feels shorter than Mania, a game that was sold for half the price initially and has less levels.

Controls: Next up is the controls and holy shit this is where the bulk of my complaints lie.  I don’t know how, but Classic and Modern Sonic control noticeably worse than they did in Generations or pretty much any other Classic or Boost game.  

Classic Sonic feels incredibly heavy, making each platforming section feel less I’m controlling Sonic the Hedgehog and more like I’m controlling an immobile brick.  That’s not even getting into how badly they fucked up his physics. The fact that this came out months after Mania is laughable.

Modern Sonic on the other hand, feels way too loose.  Whether it be in 3D or 2D, I feel like I’m barely in control of him when I start to gain speed, and there’s been multiple times where I careened off a cliff despite steering him away from it. It’s made even worse by the fact that for some fucking reason, they took away the drift, something that’s been in I think every 3D boost game since Unleashed.

They also gave Modern a double jump, but the double jump is so worthless and heavy that it’s gotten me killed more times than it’s actually helped me. It feels so stiff and awkward to use and combined with Modern’s loose controls, most of my deaths in this game came from Modern deciding to just randomly plummet into a pit because  I couldn’t correct a jump or he just slid off the edge of a runway for no good reason. Stage 27 is the best example of what I’m talking about because holy shit.

Finally there’ the Avatar, and he probably controls the best of the three, so I don’t have too many complaints on that end other than the fact that his jumps are incredibly slow and floaty.

Level design:  As I said before, most levels are incredibly short, being over pretty much as soon as they begin.  The design in the levels themselves is at best momentarily interesting (The 2nd Modern level for instance), and at worst is absolutely atrocious and terrible (Whoever decided to put an autoscroller in a Sonic level is just awful). and most of the time it just evens out to being incredibly boring and forgettable. This isn’t helped by the fact that most of the levels themselves are either throwbacks to previous games,  generic cityscapes covered in white or on fire, or that ugly, ugly jungle aesthetic.  There’s no levels in this game that really wowed me aesthetically or on a gameplay level. Hell, I can barely remember the names of most of the levels 

Music: The music in this game ranges from forgettable (most of the Modern tracks) to skullfuckingly awful (Every. Single. Classic. Song). Though that being said, I did like a couple of the Avatar themes, and the vocal tracks (Fist Bump, Infinite’s Theme, Light of Hope) were all pretty decent, though not nearly on the same level as prior games.  This is probably the most forgettable soundtrack in all of 3D Sonic. Even Lost World had more memorable and interesting tracks than this. 

Avatar:  I already talked about my grievances and thoughts on Modern and Classic in the control section, but I wanted to give the Avatar his own section because it’s easily the best part of the game.  Getting new gear for your Avatar and customizing them is admittedly really fun,  and I had a good time making my new OC Kick the Dog (do not steal).  The Wispons give a decent amount of variety and replayability to the levels that the other playstyles don’t have (Red Rings do dick in this game other than unlock clothes and EX levels which are so insignificant they ain’t worth it) and their levels are easily the most fleshed out and interesting of the bunch.    If I ever come back to Forces, it’ll probably be to replay Avatar levels

Content:  This game has barebones content, with the most pressing things outside of the main levels being Episode Shadow (which is 3 stages long), the bonus levels (pitifully short), the SOS missions (replay the levels again), and collecting the red rings/ silver moons/ whatever (Only unlocks more clothes and bad bonus levels).  Compared to something like Generations, which was also pretty short but had a lot of side content and unlockables that made it worth coming back to, and something like Mania which is packed to the brim with content and replayability, Forces is just kind of pathetic.  

Graphics:  One thing I’ll give the game is that the pre-rendered cutscenes and even some of the real time cutscenes look really damn good, at least aesthetically. Character animations still leave a lot to be desired though. The in-game graphics look fine. Nothing great but not terrible.  Keep in mind I played it on Switch so that could easily affect things, but generally the game looked....okay.

FINAL THOUGHTS:  As I said before,  Sonic Forces is the definition of “mediocre”. It’s a completely unremarkable game from start to finish, and most of what it does is done better by just about any other competent 2D or 3D Sonic game.  The  Avatar is fun and interesting and I want the playstyle to make a return, but that isn’t enough to save the game from being incredibly mediocre and just plain forgettable.   

If you really want to try Forces out yourself, I’d recommend getting it at a deep, deep discount. I got it at around 10 dollars and I’d say it’s worth between 10 and 20 dollars. Do not pay full price for this game. 

But otherwise, just skip it.

[braham-is-bi]

Okay so normally I would have left it at the bitchy post and move on but honestly I’ve had problems with Caithe’s writing for a long time and it’s high time I made a rant post so I can stop thinking about it.

Under the cut is a giant rant about how Anet shafted Caithe’s character and didn’t do her nearly close to the justice she deserved, while in the process messing with the Commander’s story in ways that still bother me and that I’ve rewritten in my own personal canon.

Tagging this as long post in case the readmore breaks. Tagging it as Caithe for personal filing. Don’t like it, don’t read it.

(spoilers for the entire game up through episode 5 of season 4 as well as mentions of abuse and criticisms of Caithe.)

TL;DR - Caithe’s writing is mediocre at best, but she had a lot of potential that was squandered. In my opinion.

The first major problem I have with Caithe’s story is simply the fact that the first and only wlw relationship we’re shown in game for a long time (I think 2 years? no canon major wlw relationships until the end of Season 1) is abusive. While I know Caithe as a character is great way for a lot of wlw to project and relate, it’s still not a great start.

That said, it’s because of this past abusive relationship that we get the base of Caithe’s character and the potential for growth. Caithe closes herself off from everyone and clearly has depression that’s affecting her worldview. Relationships only end in pain, friendships will get you hurt. Combine this with the secret (the Sylvari origin) she’s carrying that alienates her from her own kind and you’ve got the makings of a really dark backstory that gives plenty of potential for a story of “no matter what you’ve been through, you can learn to be happy again.”

In my opinion her involvement in the personal story is....eh. It matches the rest of the writing there. A bit flat, but overall fine with a note of hope at the end that’s pleasant. The Commander is there to bring hope to the hopeless and to beat dragon minions with their favorite stick.

Skipping to season 2, I personally think this is the only truly good season of writing for Caithe. Albeit her involvement is a bit sparse (that’s the problem with trying to juggle so many characters.) but the moments she does get are good.  Caithe’s betrayal of the Commander by stealing the egg was honestly one of my favorite moments of her writing. I was genuinely upset with her.

But this leads us to more insight into how terrible Caithe’s relationship with Faolain was and just how devoted Caithe can be to those she loves as well as how abusers can use their power to make their victims do things they would normally never do. I mean Caithe helped Faolain slaughter an entire village of peaceful centaurs (never mind the incredibly racist Native American stereotypes behind the centaurs and the fact that the tribe was killed by British coded people...that’s a different analysis for a different time). It reveals just how truly heavy Caithe’s burden is while also giving us a sense of terror and realization of how fucked things are.

And then she abandons us to fight the Shadow of the Dragon all by ourselves (a particularly hurtful callback to a Sylvari commander).

In Heart of Thorns her writing is...up and down. Finally finding her and having the egg choose us over her is...a moment I’m conflicted on. Yet another moment of the Commander overshadowing her. But it also gives her more justification to close herself off further.

I would have liked more emotional talk from Caithe to vinetooth Faolain, but I understand why they didn’t do that. Caithe is, at the end of the day, extremely goal oriented. Worrying about her feelings while Mordremoth still lives is simply not something she can do.

Season 3 marks the starts of my real problems with Caithe and her writing. The base game through HoT sets us up with the understanding that Caithe has a one track mind. Whatever her current goal is, that’s the only thing she sees. Blinders on, all there is forward. It’s a good character trait that can be both a good quality and a serious flaw.

But the thing anet seems to forget is that once the blinders come off, Caithe can see the mess around her. 

Her eldest brother is dead, as well as her friend and her ex lover. And at least part of it was her own doing. Not only did Caithe steal the egg and constantly distract the Commander from their goal of saving Dragon’s Watch and Trahearne, but Caithe knew that the Sylvari were Mordremoth’s minions and told nobody. Imagine if Caithe had revealed this to Trahearne. Imagine if the Pact had been more cautious entering the fray, uncertain what may happen when the Sylvari get close to the dragon that should be controlling them. Things could have been wildly different.

Instead there is no reflection. There’s no moment where you find Caithe just outside of Eir’s place, grieving and trying to process all her emotions. There’s no chance for the Commander to truly be upset with Caithe.

I certainly don’t count the forgiveness Caithe tried to force out of us in the middle of battle as proper anger or emotional processing for either of them. Why can’t I be mad that Caithe didn’t tell anybody the truth? Why can’t Caithe have a moment where she finally talks about her present emotions and has personal growth? Why must her character be so stagnant?

She literally ends her scene with a moment of self pity, proving she’s learned nothing this entire time.

I have no problems with her part in the egg chamber. Aurene is her new Wyld Hunt and she wants to prove to the Commander that she wants to help. Even if the Commander knows better than to trust her anymore.

And now we have to hop allllll the way to season 4 episode 4 to talk about Caithe again. Cause apparently Anet isn’t sexist for not including their women characters, but fans are sexist for not liking them.

Caithe appears at the end of A Star to Guide Us, revealing with a comment that she’s been around for a lot longer than she’s given on but didn’t feel compelled to help us or defend/comfort Aurene. In fact, she has yet another moment of self pity. Telling us that she felt like Aurene didn’t need her anymore cause she flew to Elona to try and save us from death instead of sitting in the egg chamber with Caithe. Cause that’s what I want from the adoptive mother of my child (who’s Wyld Hunt is literally to protect said child), abandonment at the first sign of independence. Not bothering to help save said child from death but then looking for pity and sympathy from the parent who literally died for Aurene.

All or Nothing has one moment that bothers me in particular regarding Caithe. Her branding. While I don’t see anything wrong with the act itself, it was honestly quite touching, I think it was handled poorly and completely erases the Commander’s connection to Aurene. The Commander has had a link to Aurene since she was an egg. That’s YEARS for the bond to grow between them. In A Bug In The System Aurene literally lets us see through her eyes. In Season 3 she’s shown to be following us around while we save the day. There’s an entire mastery line dedicated to our bond with her.

But instead Caithe gets everything. The psychic bond, the new look, all of the story attention. She’s even shown to be one of the only one who cares about Aurene’s feelings (Taimi being the other) even above the Commander.

And the whole reason they do this is so they can finally move Caithe’s character along. Because she’s never once in the writing allowed to grow or learn from her experience. The only way Caithe is allowed to have a happy ending is if someone else fixes her problems and fills the pain up with purpose once again.

That isn’t good writing.

Caithe never once in her entire story arc grows on her own. She’s never allowed to get better or to see more to life unless it’s handed to her on a crystal platter.

Does this mean that I hate her? No. Does it mean that I dislike her writing? Oh yeah. Caithe is repeatedly forced back into her personality from the base game and not allowed to develop in any way unless someone else makes her. That’s infuriating. Where is my story about someone leaving an abusive relationship, trying to make up for the mistakes they made when they were younger, and learning to find happiness in the people around her on the way?

I see why people love her. I see why wlw care about her so much. But to say that her writing is perfect is a lie and shows that you’re projecting your own fanon onto her to fill in the gaps.

You can still love a character while admitting the flaws both in them and their writing.

[mrsmess]

Faves and fails of SPN (season 12):

Favorite episodes in chronological order:

12:3 The Foundry - Mylings! Nuff said. And I knew it as soon as I heard the baby cry. And that makes me feel good about me.

12:4 American Nightmare - Stigmata. Dean dressed as a priest getting stuck looking at a boy lighting a candle in the church. Mr Mess: ”Dean! Time and place!” Sam wasting his sensemaking on a relentlessly angry Dean as usual, but then laying the hard truth on the crazy lady - is it hot in here?

12:5 The One You’ve Been Waiting For - Nazi dirtbags! Referencing one of the great episodes of season 8 too. Good. Good. And Allison Paige is friggin’ beautiful! Nauhaus is such a spoofy villain I think this is a comedy. ”Do you know what it’s like to have en nazi necromancer as a father?” ”He had a guy named Fritz try to kill me!” GOLD.

12:6 Celebrating the life of Asa Fox - badass-intro. And Jody. Hunter community! Canadian hunter community! Here for it. Bucky, or as I like to call him: demon nr 5 from early season.... single digits.

12:7 Rock never dies - Loving this glam-metal thing. Crowley in LA. And omg! Cass being snarky with Dean of all people. ”Atleast I don’t look like a lumberjack.” I laughed. And Mr Mess pointed out that Cass is tired, that that’s why he snapped, and it dawned on me that Cass is *choosing* to be kind under normal circumstances. My heart! ”I work for sexists, rasists, even politicians.” Lol. Loving the group dynamic of the four. But I’m a bit disappointed that Lucifer can’t chill, he could have had so much fun.

12:11 Regarding Dean - A goofy Dean episode. That’s rarely bad news. I like Rowena in this, she’s rly growing on me.

12:15 Somewhere between heaven and hell - Honesty’s the best policy, signed, Dean. Hear, hear! ”So, ten years ago did you rly want something? Like, a Hello Kitty backpack or the death of an enemy?” Lol! Dean and Crowley and Lucifer breaking free! Dean is a hoot this episode. Sam, killing the hellhound like a pro, and thanking Crowley. And Crowley kicking Lucifer’s ass. That’s the stuff. And Sam being honest with Dean and Dean being all reasonable about it! Loving it!

12:16 Ladies drink free - Claire! Nuff said. Loving everyone this episode, except Mick of course, but my homicidal thoughts at the sight of his beard have lessened. ”The experiment was on mice.” Werewolf-mice! XD

12:17 The british invasion - Eileen! God this show needs more women, the brothers are so much better dealing w them, which I guess is a problem on its own. ”Make your voice a mail.” Oh Cass. Eileen and Sam! My heart! Am I shipping this? God I hope not, it’ll mean instant death. God, Mick is an idiot, I mean, I’m obv digging his change of heart, but apparently he hasn’t learned a thing in the entire life he’s worked for his fucky organization.

12:18 The memory remains - Goodness. Loving this intro. Taxidermist sheriff. Man, sometimes I feel these quirky characters are wasted on the just-passing-through format. ”Hunting people! Killing them! The family business!” Lol.

Fail episodes in chronological order:

12:1 Keep Calm and Carry on - ”You’re bad at your job.” Sure, she has a point, but as generous as this british chick’s offer is, her pitch is somewhat lacking. A torture montage is the quickest way to wind up on the fail list. Also ”break his mind”? That’s what it’s like inside Sam’s head *all* the time.

12:2 Mamma Mia - A sexscene featuring Dean Forrester is the second quickest way to wind up on the fail list. You say his name is Sam Winchester? Nah. Nope. Not buying it. Listen, I know I talk a tall game about being a big Sam-fan, I just don’t ship him with a.n.y.o.n.e. So what the sexscene isn’t real!? I still had to see it with my own orbs of sight. ”Your job was to find american hunters and gain their trust.” I’m howling! Maybe *you’re* rly bad at your job, lady!

12:10 Lily Sunder has some regrets - uhm... using demon number 5 to play other randos throughout a 15 season show I’ll forgive them for but you can’t use the same distinct actor (Ian Tracey) to play two distinctly different characters (Lee/Ishim) and not acknowledge it, especially when they could easily explain it as Lee’s body being possessed by Ishim. It ruins the whole episode for me. Also, I’m rooting for the ”bad” guy.

12:14 The raid - The british men of letters are the worst, they are worthless recruiting agents, salesmen and got crappy intel; where the Winchesters go the rest of the american hunters will follow? Pretty sure the opposite is true: ”Oh shit, the Winchesters are joining ’em? Better stay as far away from that shit as possible!” Also Mary’s being more than a little silly and I’m surprised Sam didn’t give her some speech about how he used to aim for big things like killing the devil, closing the gates of hell, before learning to settle for more realistic goals, like, staying alive, keepin your brother alive, savoring the occasional win, y’know, for the sake of your mental health. Anyhoo; Sam’s reaction on finding out Mary gave the Colt to the british men of letters might have been enough put it on the fave list but there are just so many icky characters and so many shots of Mick’s ugly beard I can’t let it slide. Plus Sam winds up joining these assholes. Boooohhhh!

12:20 Twigs & twine & Tasha Banes - Jeez. Petition to have Dean always justify his icky feelings about something w the Star Wars classic ”i got a bad feeling about this.” It would save time and my sanity. Also I have issues w Mary not being reasonable and understanding the basics about the life she and the boys are leading - you’re in or out, but there’s no finishing it w/o finishing yourself. Is this season’s big bad trying to annoy me to death? And the other hunters? What is it with this show and any other fun or awesome characters? Sorry, can’t keep ’em on, it’s a density-thing.

12:21 There’s something about Mary - Booohh! First Eileen, my bae (did I call it or did I call it?) and then the entire episode is full of The Big Annoying. First episode I didn’t bother finishing. Screw this season.

12:23 All along the watchtower - honestly I don’t get the constant jokes about IKEAs manuals, they’re all pictures, you don’t even need to be able to read to read them. Crowley <3 Plz spare me this show’s take on child birth, really just any show, (how is it possible that it’s so frickin’ hard to get right??), but especially this show’s. And Crowley. And Cass. And Mary. Such an intense bummer.

Honorable mentions:

Crowley blowing up Rowena’s scammer! And Rowena’s reaction! ”That is the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for me!” Covered in blood. Priceless.

Cass and his sass is on this season. He’s so done w everyone. The exasperation!

The hug at the end of 12:22.

Dishonorable mentions:

Dean and Sam making a deal to get out of jail, kinda unepic w a predictable outcome.

Mediocre mentions:

The entire episode Stuck in the middle (with you) - It’s a Reservoir Dogs reference right? And it works very well until you realize that, then you just start missing Tarantino’s poignant dialogue about tipping (not fucking!) your waitress. The return of the yelloweyed bloodline. Bound to happen with Mary back. Don’t care about that but I do care about Crowley being back and being awesome. The Dukes of Haphazard. That’s good, I’ve just been referring to them as the Two Stooges.

The episode Who we are - There are separate aspects of this I like: Dean and Sam blasting their way out of the bunker, Jody and Alex, Dean dreamwalking Mary back home. Ackles is a genius with this sort of thing. But it’s just so silly: The british men of letters are just so unepic, it ruins everything, wraps it in a mediocre blanket: They’re bad at their job, have inexplicable motivations, are such annoying stereotypes the only way this would be a win would’ve been if Sam’s speech went something along the lines of ”I’ve had this fly buzzin’ around my ear all year, I could use your help squashing it.” But at least, then they do.

Summing up:

I’m rly enjoying the warped relationships early in the season. Crowley and Cass. Rowena and Lucifer, Rowena and Crowley. Sam, Dean and Mary. But my usual creed about the gooey middles of seasons doesn’t hold true this time and I rly feel like it gets good only when it’s almost over. And honestly on whole the season is the worst so far. The british men of letters are so annoying and they’re everywhere, tainting everything. Ugh.

[untapanimedraw]

Winter 2020: First Impressions  - the rest of the shows

Haikyuu!! To the Top! (S4) - What can I say about this show, it’s more Haikyuu!! It’s absolutely fantastic. This is a bit of a slow-burner so far, very reminisce of season 1 so far, a lot of learning and training. It might seem to be a bit of a let down after the action-sakuga-fest that was all of season 3, but character growth is just as important and despite it being a number of years since season 3, the story picks up right after that insane high, so the flow of the story needs to reset its equilibrium. So a but of a slow lul is important before the boys to go Tokyo to kick ass!

Isekai Quarted (S2) - I mean, it’s more of the same except with the shield hero and gang in the other classroom. If you liked season 1 you’ll still like it, if you didn’t then don’t bother watching. That said, I love it. 

In/Spectre (Kyokou Suiri) - This is definite my surprise show of the year. It’s so fucking good! It’s one of those shows like Bunny Girl Senpai of last year that lives or dies on the quality of it’s conversations rather than any action or sakuga. And dear lord does it deliver. The MC is so freaking adorable, I love her. Please watch. 

RikeKoi - I’m getting serious Wotakoi vibes from this show. There are so few shows that are about adults or college students that honestly I’ll take anything that has this age range. And as a comp/sci graduate myself, I can’t help but love these complete dorks. And holy fuck main girl is perfect. A ponytail that moves on its own, an absolutely banging bod, and tights that remind me of Miru Tights. It’s a masterpiece and the two MCs are fantastic together. Please watch. 

Infinite Dendogram - This and Bofuri are the 2 VRMMO shows this season and honestly Bofuri is the clear winner of the 2. In fact Bofuri is in my top 5 of the season. This one might be lower than Darwin’s Game which is an edgy death game show, so that’s not a great rating. It’s not exactly bad but it feels like it’s wasting the potential of the shows setting by focusing so hard on fairly bland MC and his maid weapon AI partner. I’ll probably keep watching it, and I hope it improves, but it probably won’t. At least it looks pretty good. 

Nekopara - Cat girls. What more is there to say? Considering this is from an eroge where the goal is to fuck the neko girls, this show is surprisingly tame and wholesome. Definitely one worth watching. 

Toilet-Bound Hanako-san - The art-style in this show is very unique. It feels like there isn’t actually a whole lot of animation in the show, because the show is presented to us in frames of animation where the rest is beautiful art background. The story is almost secondary to the visuals, but it holds up in its own right. A very good show and should be seen. 

Dorohedoro - Man, I so wish that this show could get the amount of eyeballs it deserves, but alas, it is in Netflix jail. That said, there are some quality fansubbers taking it on this season and for that I am very glad. The art and character designs are so fucking unique I hardly know what to say other than please watch it. It’s one of those shows where you’re not entirely sure what exactly is happening, but you know you definitely want, nay, need to keep seeing more of it. Watch it now if you can, or at the least when Netflix releases it from Jail. 

Ishuzoku Reviewers - This show is a show of true culture. I’ve been saying ever since I heard it was getting an anime adaptation that I can’t believe it’s getting an anime adaptation. I read the manga, I knew what it was about. It’s a group of adventurers traveling around and trying all the brothels of the different species of succu-girls. Turns out the anime decided to make this a hentai, but without the direct penetration shots. Episode 3 though, that took things to another level. This was being aired on funimation as a censored version that was basically unwatchable, so I’ve been surfing the high seas to find high quality uncensored versions. And they exist, and they are absolutely fantastic. However, apparently funimation forgot to look into what the hell the show was before they promised to not only air the show, but also to provide a dub. Cause after the first episode dub attempt they completely dropped the show. There’s still 8 episodes left, so hopefully a fansub group or two will step up and champion the cause. 

A Destructive God Sits Next To Me - I’m normally down for wacky chunni shenanigans, but I just couldn’t get through the first episode, so it got dropped. 

Smile Down the Runway - I really wasn’t sure what I was going to think about this show. It’s about a girl whose dream is to be a supermodel for her dad’s clothing agency and walk down the catwalk during Paris Fashion Week, but she’s too short. It’s also about a boy she meets at school who just wants to be a fashion designer and loves to make shows. I did not expect that the show would pull a bait and switch and for the majority of the focus to be on the boy and not the girl. I also did not expect to be shedding a few tears by episode 2 because I was so emotionally invested already. It went from a show I was unsure about, to being a show I’m now going to be eagerly looking forward to each week. 

Hatena Illusion - If I had to drop another show, it would be this one. It doesn’t really do anything great, but it’s not offensive in anything and is at least moderately enjoyable. Plus, I started it so now I feel like I have to finish it. But I don’t hate it. A solid 5-6/10. 

Natsunagu - I wasn’t able to find an english sub version of this and the reviews I did see said it was mediocre at best. So this show never got started. 

Now for a few thoughts about the continuing shows I’m watching:

My hero Academia S4 - The Overhaul arc was a slow burn that led to a spectacular explosion with some insane hype levels and some very hard emotional hits. I’m glad we’re now headed into the Culture Festival arc as the show feels like it needs a little bit of lightheartedness to get us back to a good equilibrium. 

Mairimashita! Iruma-kun - This arc feels like it’s kinda spinning it’s wheels and dragging things out longer than needed, but these characters are so fun that it’s fine. 

Ahiru no Sora - Moar backetball!! This show is just a solid sports anime. Can’t wait to keep watching. It’s a full adaptation with 50 episodes and only 16 or so have aired. 

Babylon (The last couple episodes) - Talk about shitting the bed. The ending of this show ruined so much setup and promise. It leaned hard into the philosophical and should have leaned into supernatural. Such a disappointment. 

Kabukichou Sherlock - This show continues to be a pleasant surprise every week. I can’t wait to see how the rest of the season plays out. 

Blade of the Immortal - I’m a bit behind, but this show continues to deliver. 

Re:Zero Director’s cut - Damn, I actually forgot how much I actually like Re:Zero. It’s a masterpiece that I had somehow forgotten was a masterpiece because of how I binged it when it originally aired. This double episode format is honestly even better. The first season I continuously wanted more and more, but with a double length episode every week, I feel like I’m getting just enough to satiate me until the next week. I’m sad that come the spring it’ll be back to 1 normal length episode a week lol. 

[youngbloodseavey]

it started with a spider... // zach herron (part two)

moodboard by @zendayacolemen

request: none

summary: while balancing superhero life and normal life, teenage superhero zach herron suddenly has a new variable swing into his balance. a love life.

sORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG MY LIFE HAS BEEN A MESS BUT IT’S OKAY I GOT IT OUT NOW

pairing: zach x fem!reader

triggers: underaged drinking

||

“wait, so like, can you lay eggs?” corbyn whispered to zach, much to zach’s discouragement. it had been like this all day, corbyn asking the most random questions at the most inconvenient times.

like right then, when corbyn and zach were supposed to be working on a project in engineering class. 

“no i don’t corbyn, now you better start working on that or else i’m going to scream,” zach replied, pointing to a piece of their project. corbyn sighed and nodded, picking up a screwdriver and beginning to tinker with the parts around him.

zach sighed in content at being able to finally sway his blonde haired friend from his incessant questioning, and resumed in his work. 

silence fell between the two teens, and they worked comfortably for a few minutes.

“so can you spit venom?”

“corbyn!”

||

“i still can’t believe you got invited to one of y/n y/l/n’s parties,” corbyn remarked, his blue eyes focused on the tv screen as he shot yet another person in fortnite. he was sat next to zach on a big red beanbag that was stationed in the middle of zach’s room. 

“trust me, i can’t believe it either,” zach responded, scrolling through twitter on his phone. 

it was an hour until the party started, and the boys were passing time the only way they knew how- by playing fortnite.

the two boys sat in silence for a moment or two, the only sounds being the various fortnite noises coming from the tv.

“so do you-” corbyn began to ask yet another spiderman-related question, but thankfully was cut off by the sound of zach’s phone going off. 

zach let out a breath of relief and clicked on the notification, seeing that the text was from y/n. his stomach was sent into a flurry of butterflies, and he could feel his cheeks turn a shade redder than they normally are.

y/n: so you’re coming to my party tonight?

zach: absolutely. 8:00 right?

y/n: yup. can’t wait to see you there :)

zach sighed in content, setting his phone down on his chest. a wide grin spread across his face, and his mind became mush at the thought of seeing her tonight.

“was that y/n?” corbyn quickly glanced at zach before looking back at his game.

“yup,” zach sighed happily.

“you are so whipped man.” corbyn commented, seeing the dopey, lovesick grin on zach’s reddened face.

“shut up,” zach groaned, taking the pillow that was laying next to him and throwing it at corbyn.

“never.” corbyn stuck his tongue out at zach before focusing back onto the tv screen. there was only 5 people left in the game, and corbyn was one of them. zach rolled his big brown eyes, deciding to ignore his friend’s comment and focus on the game.

“behind you! behind you!” zach yelled at corbyn, pointing at the opponent that was shooting at corbyn. corbyn quickly worked the controls, turning his character around and shooting at the other player.  

“boys! it’s time to leave now!” zach heard his aunt may yell through the bedroom door. 

“one minute!” zach responded, both his and corbyn looking intensely at their game. 

“if you have one more minute, you’re gonna be late to this girl’s party! do you want to be late to your first ever high school party?” aunt may chided from the outside, cracking the door open and poking her head in. 

aunt may was zach’s aunt, and the person he was sent to live with when his parents died. she was in her mid-thirties, with long brown hair and kind brown eyes. she was his mother in all ways but biologically, and one of zach’s closest friends and confidants.

“okay! give us one minute, corbyn is literally about to win.” zach called to his aunt, his brown eyes never once leaving the screen. it was now down to corbyn and another player, and the two were having an intense face-off. 

“hell yeah!” corbyn yelled, throwing his controller onto the beanbag. the big letters saying “#1 victory royale” painted themselves on the screen, indicating corbyn’s win. the two boys cheered, zach congratulating corbyn on his impressive win.

“now can we leave? you guys are gonna be late,” aunt may said once again, corbyn and zach nodding in response. the two teens grabbed their phones and stood up, leaving zach’s room. 

the three piled into may’s car, since neither zach or corbyn legally had their license yet. the car ride to y/n’s was smooth, with minimal questioning coming from may and mediocre answers from the boys. 

soon enough they pulled up to y/n’s house, which was nothing short of a mansion.

“woah,” zach looked at the large, modern house in awe. 

“woah indeed,” corbyn commented from the backseat. “you chose yourself a good one zach.”

“oh shut up,” zach groaned, flipping down the sun visor and looking into the mirror that was located on the back of it. he ran his hands through his hair a few times, making sure every strand was in perfect position. he took in a deep breath, taking another look-over himself before opening the car door and beginning to get out. 

“have fun!” aunt may called out to the boys as they got out. “stay safe! and no drugs! or alcohol! or sex!” she winked at the end, causing zach to turn red and immediately slam the door on his aunt.

“i’m glad that’s over with,” zach grumbled, seeing the smug look on may’s face as she began to drive away. “you ready for this?” he turned to corby, who gave an apprehensive nod.

the pair began to walk up the driveway, and zach could practically already taste the alcohol and drugs. the music was already loud as is, and with zach’s heightened senses it was practically deafening. a pit began to form in zach’s stomach, making him feel uneasy.

he winced, but pushed on anyway. corbyn and himself made it to the large, glass front door, and he raised his hand to knock. he hesitated for a moment, but knocked anyway. 

the two waited for a second, before a tall boy with grey-blue eyes opened the door. he was clearly intoxicated, and zach recognized him as jonah marais, the captain of the varsity baseball team.

“whats up my dudes! come on in!” jonah slurred, clearly not recognizing the two whom the highschool hierarchy had deemed the bottom of the food chain.

jonah gave them a bro-hug before stumbling off to god-knows-where, probably to try and succeed in seducing one of the varsity soccer girls. 

corbyn and zach exchanged a confused look, before entering into the hub of the party. they were immediately encapsulated in a mixture of body heat, the stench of booze, and the sight of bodies practically on top of each other.

there couldn’t be anything less than 250 people crammed into y/n’s giant house. it was practically the entire senior class in a single place, including the occasional junior or sophomore. 

zach craned his neck, looking around for the comforting face of y/n. he finally spotted the gorgeous girl near the double doors that led to the backyard, and his heart skipped a beat or two at the sight of her.

y/n took her eyes off the person she was talking to for a few seconds, before seeing zach across the room. a bright smile spread across her face at the boy, and she waved at him animatedly to come over. 

zach nodded, staring at the dense crowd and back to y/n, who was still gesturing him to go over to her. he gulped, feeling his chest tighten as he realized that he had to somehow fight his way across the crowd to y/n.

after a minute of squeezing in between sweaty bodies and almost having drinks spilled on him many times, he finally made it out of the initial crowd. y/n was standing only ten feet away now.

he ran his fingers through his hair one more time, taking in a deep breath before approaching the beautiful girl. she was dressed like an instagram model, with her hair falling down her back in soft curls and her makeup done perfectly.

zach’s breath was taken away, and this time it wasn’t because of two random people squishing him between them. it was because of her.

“h-hey there y/n,” zach managed to get out, his voice barely audible over the thumping music.

“hi zach!” she pulled him into a hug, her arms draping themselves over his shoulders. “i’m so glad you could make it!” she began to pull him into the kitchen, which was gorgeously furnished and littered with bottles and cups.

“do you wanna drink?” she asked, gesturing to the wide array of bottles laid out in front of her. 

“uh, sure!” he replied, feeling nerves bubble up in his stomach. he had never had more alcohol than a tiny sip of aunt may’s champagne every new year’s eve.

y/n hummed, reaching down into one of the coolers and pulling out a can of bud light. she handed zach the cold can, grabbing one for herself and popping the tab open.

zach stared at the blue can, unsure of what to do with it.

“you know, you’re supposed to open it,” y/n giggled, taking a sip of her own beer. her nose scrunched up at the sensation of the liquid hitting her tastebuds, but she swallowed it down regardless. “i’m not much of a beer kind of girl, but we gotta work with what we have.” she let out another laugh, taking yet another sip of the amber liquid.

zach slowly popped open the tab, hearing the ‘pop’ of the can opening. he brought the can to his lips, the liquid flowing into his mouth and coating his tastebuds. he almost gagged at the flavor, but swallowed anyway.

“hey corbyn do you-” zach turned around to offer his friend some of the drink, but was instead greeted with the sight of his blonde best friend chatting with christina harris.

good for you corb.

zach took another sip of beer, choking the liquid down. his eyes swept his surroundings, seeing and hearing the sea of teenagers that were crammed in the house.

“so, are you enjoying the party?” y/n’s melody of a voice met zach’s ears, and he turned back to look at the gorgeous girl. 

“it’s not my kind of scene, but yeah!” zach replied, trying to seep some enthusiasm into his voice. in reality, zach felt on the edge of a panic attack, the pit in his stomach growing. something was off. something was going to go wrong, he could feel it.

zach’s stomach turned, and he couldn’t help but feel his brow furrow and his chest tighten. his head began to throb, a pulsating pain originating from the back of his head.

something bad is happening.

just as the thought ran through zach’s mind, all the lights in the house suddenly went dark. the loud, blaring music was silenced, and all that could be heard was the confused mumblings of a hundred or so teenagers.

then, a scream.

a loud, high-pitched shriek rang out, sending a horrifying shiver down zach’s back.

“who was that?” zach yelled, the black hole in his stomach deepening. “who screamed? is everyone okay?”

“help me! help me! hel-” his ear caught a voice, sending a shock through his veins and his heart to skip a beat.

y/n. that’s y/n’s voice.

“y/n! where are you!” zach was sent into a frenzy, pushing his way through the crowd and looking about wildly as his eyes began to adjust to the darkness.

“please! help m-” her voice sounded strained, distressed. zach spun in circles, trying to locate the girl that he had been in love with since freshman year.

suddenly zach’s eyes caught a glint in the darkness, and he squinted for a second before his eyes focused.

green.

the golden glaze of his eyes, and dark green metallic of his suit. it was an enemy that zach knew all too well.

“have fun getting your little girly back spider-man.” his haunting, raspy tone rang in zach’s ears, causing the brown-eyed boy’s pulse to race and stomach to tighten.

and with that final taunt the lights came back on, and the viliain had disappeared. the previously bumping party had fallen into a frenzy, with terrified teenagers running about and yelling.

but zach stood still, not even caring that people were practically trampling him in an effort to get the hell out of the house. his mind raced, finally beginning to wrap itself around the situation.

green goblin had took y/n. he has y/n.

||

taglist: @heyowdw​ @boomboomboomwayhoo​ @corbynscabbitch​ @ashaverykuwonumara​ @samithepixie   @guadalupeguac @underoosmarvel @socially-awkward-xox @limelightmendes @onmywaymarais @why-dont-we-everything @seaveygirl  @dailydoseofherron @lynaminroll @74limelight @brini144@jacieesewell @vxxn128 @saving-seavey @hoobii @bambixcx@kittkatt-03 @loveherron23 @jasmin3k @peachyherron @wdw4forever @danieljames1998 @yagirlcammmm @toomanydamfandoms @xxx-allison-xxx @alyssaah15

[vanilla-blessing]

qb anime-watching list for Summer 2019

Hey I know how much all you folks love uninformed digest predictions off limited information so here are some - qb

Definitely Watching:

Vinland Saga

You know what this is and who the author is since the manga’s been going forever, the animation looks pretty alright and this portion of the story they could cover is tightly paced, strong seinen. Even if they mess that up, there’s no way they could mess up the first chapter, so at a minimum I expect the pilot to be memorable and for a hundred gifs of Vikings to grace my twitter feed. Not much else to say about it, people might be expecting too much from the production, but it could also live up to those expectations. 

Carole & Tuesday (continuing)

Carole and Tuesday’s great, has had some of the best musical performances of any anime already, and all the singing being in English makes it very easy to listen to. The parts that aren’t explicitly a musical performance are less memorable, but those are also pretty good sometimes. I’m not dropping this anytime soon. 

Star☆Twinkle PreCure (continuing)

Star☆Twinkle PreCure is a more or less normal season of modern Precure, which is fine. It's not lighting the rulebook on fire and hurling it out the window like Hugtto Precure, but it is taking some risks, like acknowledging Japan's problems with accepting interracial couples and emphasizing that integrating with other cultures is not only good but desperately needed in all levels of a functional contemporary society. The way it’s tackling these complex issues is sometimes a bit too simplistic and indirect, but the diversity of the planets, people, and themes in this season is refreshing in its own way, and probably was only possible because Hugtto blew open the doors first. It’s also one of the funniest seasons and that’s what we all probably need right now. 

Kiratto Pri☆Chan (continuing)

Pretty Rhythm’s second major reboot spent a year being relatively grounded for the franchise, but has slowly loosened its grip on reality and now it’s almost fully back in weird, self-referential madcap pseudo-idol garbage. Characters from other seasons are just showing up now on the regular and the iconic bizarre inhuman pupils have come back stronger than ever (see above and below). It’s a lot more like an unrestrained cartoon now, which is where Pretty Rhythm is most entertaining, because it wasn’t cutting it by normal means. 

Maybe Watching list:

Symphogear XV

Symphogear’s generally watchable but I wasn’t too hot on the last season, and watching it on any regular schedule has been made problematic by the sudden unexplained lack of licensing overseas. I don’t have faith that Crunchyroll will skip or pick up AXZ and license this one out of order, so it may be more prudent to wait to marathon this season all at once at a later date, which I feel is the best way to experience a season with as much raw momentum as this series. 

Whatever Lerche’s Music anime is

Frankly, it’s been a long time since Scum’s Wish and School-Live, and every season I feel less hype for Lerche’s mediocre-sounding output. This one also sounds mediocre. 

Ensemble Stars!

David Production anime adaptation of an idol raising game only this one is boys. It has the same director as the current anime of King of Prism and they might have hinted at a connection between the two shows so I’m gonna watch it for Lore Reasons. If there’s no Lore I’ll probably drop it. 

Trash List

That Mom Isekai

Also known as Tsuujou Kougeki ga Zentai Kougeki de Nikai Kougeki no Okaasan wa Suki desu ka. I was gonna trash-watch this one out of curiosity and an expectation that it would reach new depths of anime garbage but the first volume of the manga I saw in a bookstore was enough to turn me off of this series permanently even as a joke. I will admit the central conceit of “you can’t leave the virtual world until you get along with your mommy” is kind of funny but in practice the author couldn’t make it 5 minutes without crossing the line of utilizing the mother for harem fanservice and that gets exactly as weird as you’re thinking. 

The official twitter is called “https://twitter.com/okaasan_online” which is hysterical so I will give props to whatever PA managed to get that @. 

Machikado Mazoku

It’s an adult-oriented gag magical girl parody anime. The last one went so good they just had to make another. It gives off a selling hug pillows energy and every single entry in this subgenre is cursed so that’s why I put it here. I have to watch one episode because of my death pact but I don’t expect much.

Re:Stage! Dream Days♪

This has a strong chance of being the worst anime of the season. the phone game’s twitter was nothing but middle schoolers in wedding dresses as an event for an idol raising rhythm game and its all red flags. Most likely don’t watch this 

[rerwby]

Volume 5 OST

I don’t normally have such verbose opinions on the RVVBY music (it’s like writing a review for fiberglass insulation) I managed to sit down and listen to this album the whole way through. My feelings on these tracks feels like a culmination of all my feelings of previous RVVBY music. I won’t try to be lengthy about this but I got some solid thoughts.

First of all, can we just collectively agree to stop making every fucking RVVBY song put on Youtube use fan art? Like can we just get a solid fucking static picture of the volume cover art maybe? I’m sick of the mediocre ship art used for goddamn everything and it looks incredibly unprofessional. Also since these are RT fans you know they don’t give a flying fuck about credit.

The Triumph Not to kick this off on such an upbeat note but this is one of my favorite OP’s. Maybe my favorite. Maybe. I could not fully appreciate this song when the episodes were coming out because the opening itself was the biggest trashfire to come out of this show. Like, sorry I can’t get hyped up on 10 seconds of Ruby and Ren and Jaune sitting on a couch. Listening to it alone though? Big improvement.

Jeff Williams does this thing where he’s clearly way too proud of his proud choice and rhymes, and usually lines end with a big focus on stupid vernacular. Trust me, this will come up later. The Triumph manages to avoid that. This Will be the Day does as well because it’s a pretty hammy song with a better, more consistent tone. “Back to reality, back to the show” is an awful, terrible, horribly ironic line in the context of Volume 5, but it’s not as in your face as it could be, so it gets a pass from me. I also think “That’s when you learned you were messing with gods” is awesome, sorry. It could be more awesome if these characters like, seemed more like gods? And they don’t? So eh.

Then the second verse happens and it calls back to the first with “Yeah I’m a girl but I’m also a god” and I’m like, oh, so you’re just gonna- oh, okay then. Yeah let’s just beat the one good part like a dead horse, sure. That really ruins the song for me ngl.

It also manages to avoid the formulaic trend of post-second verse slow sappy breakdown. Time to Say Goodbye and Let’s Just Live do that and it gets old after a while. If you’re gonna give me hype music then stick with it. Not that Let’s Just Live really hypes you up.

Overall it’s like a 7/10 for me because it has a good pace and it doesn’t scream “look at how clever I am!” at every turn.

Ignite The song I was most excited for and the most disappointed by. I wrote about it here and I’ll try not to do anything more than summarize what I said there.

It’s obnoxious and the lyrics are way too dumb. Not funny dumb, not hammy dumb, nope, just dumb. It’s not even in the style of Yang’s usual dumbness, which by all accounts should now be under Armed and Ready’s foot since that is now the prime Yang theme. The major problem is how obvious these issues are. Like you can’t not hear how bad the writing is.

Then Lamar comes in, and I usually enjoy him since, like I said above, he brings with him some hammy, corny lyrics that manage to be fun. But he’s phoning it in here. He’s mumbling and tripping over his own words. God I didn’t even understand what mumbling truly sounded like until I heard that verse.

4/10 and I hate to write that on a Yang theme but this song is everything wrong with these soundtracks.

Path to Isolation Which brings us to my favorite annual game of “Count How Many Times a Weiss Song Uses the Word ‘Mirror.’” Spoilers: it’s a handful.

It’s fine. Weiss songs have always been fine. The worst thing I can say about them is that you have to dredge through their slow-ass, repetitive openings to get to the good part. 5/10

All Things Must Die aka “Slow And Brooding Villain Song That Turns Into a Rock Anthem #5″ aka “Sacrifice And Divide Did It Better But Even They Were Only So Good” aka “We’re Not Even Going For A Subtle Title Here.”

I don’t even know whose perspective this is sung from anymore. Like Cinder is our designated villain song candidate but she has like no autonomy this volume so that falls flat, meanwhile Salem still has no clear motivation. Hazel and Adam might be the most developed(?) bad guys this volume but this song has nothing to do with them. 4/10

This Time (From Shadows Part II) I’m writing about this one before Smile for a reason.

A song called From Shadows Part II deserves better, lol. Also given the fan art uses on the version I found posted, this is a Blake+Sun song? I don’t know. It starts with the beautiful piano solo from the original which was godlike and relaxing and also dramatic.

Lyrics are just shitty but in a shocking twist they’re hard to hear other than THIS TIIIIME in the chorus which...I’m fine with. I’m legit convinced that the fewer lyrics you can make out in these songs, the better. This all sounds rather nice and has a good flow to it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s kinda just trash. Absolute filler. Fluff. Churned-out melodrama to keep the White Fang kindle going.

Also I guess in hindsight it’s weird to have Jeff singing here since this song is supposed to represent Blake moving on with new resolve. Like before it was clearly Blake and Adam singing, but now it’s Blake and...Sun? Adam again? Like some non-canon reformed Adam? Idk. At least it’s tonally a good contrast to Part I. It’s easy to listen to the song without focusing on the lyrics which is rather soothing, but it’s still nonsense. 5/10

Smile (From Shadows Part 0)

No yeah I made that part up, but I think this song is a better From Shadows Part 0 than This Time is a Part II. I’m dead serious. They gave us an Ilia song and made it more interesting than her character is in volume 5, if not extremely on the nose.

Because my god, it’s on the nose. It’s just Ilia’s backstory about blending in to avoid all the pain your oppressors brought you and biding your time until you can rip the smiles off their faces...oh I don’t think that’s how Ilia’s backstory went. This is much darker. Very Count of Monte Crisco and dare I say actually interesting. It makes Ilia sound way more compelling than Blake while also making her out as a foil to her. Except I don’t know why the fucking hell the character presented in Smile would ever join the White Fang, especially under Adam’s authority, and then follow him so blindly. But I guess as of last volume’s OST we should be use to that disconnect between show plot and music lore.

7/10 for being accidentally interesting.

All That Matters

It’s....fine? Fine-ish. Obligatory slow and sappy song because ofc. Casey at least sounds like she’s in her comfort zone. It just doesn’t mean much to me.I guess it’s the theme of the girls being back together but I have my own issues with that, which is mainly that three of them were already reunited halfway into Volume 5 and it was only Blake’s arrival that really pushed them into sappy territory.

5/10 it’s not bombastically terrible enough to merit a lower score and not interesting enough to be higher.

I’m Her Daughter After All - RVVBY Volume 5 Official Score

I don’t know why this song is here because it’s an actual non-lyrical official part of the soundtrack, which is mind-blowing. You’d think Jeff was contractually obligated to have his blood’s voices dip their toes in every track.

It’s a nice medley of Yang’s themes, namely I Burn and Armed and Ready. It also makes you appreciate how Yang’s musical themes have actually evolved, unlike those of the other characters. Why do we have this Western thing going on? Qrow had it too in Bad Luck Charm. I don’t mind it since I think it’s kinda neat, but 6/10 for being a random score track.

Mayday! Lancers! - RVVBY Volume 5 Official Sc- wait

They did the score thing again. I don’t know why. I also forgot the Lancer scene actually happened in Volume 5 until I heard this. Like, Weiss did so little in Volume 4 that I’m attributing stuff that happened in V5 to last volume.

It’s fine? It’s nice to have a non-lyrical Weiss song, actually. 5/10

Armed and Ready ie The Appeal Of The Original Was Lost On Us

This song did not need a remix lol. Armed and Ready is actually damn good, is a great proper evolution of Yang’s theme that successfully moves her out of the shadow of I Burn, and was a really, really good climax to her recovery arc. This turns it into a dance remix, which ironically is the exact sort of thing the original moved her character away from. 4/10

Gold (Acoustic)

As I listened to this I realized it wasn’t just the original vocals played over an acoustic cover; Casey actually re-recorded the song. That’s blowing it out of the park for a RVVBY remix. Also it’s like, good.

I always liked Gold for whatever reason. I just thought it was uplifting and it did the nice thing where the lyrics are simple and flow well. The loud instrumentals had me unsure if it made for a good complement to the lyrics or if it was just a bad choice. This just sounds wonderful. Most importantly, it makes you really appreciate Casey’s singing talent. More than anything, she sounds absolutely comfortable singing this song. No stressed notes, no weird word choices, no ham. This is just a nice song and it’s my favorite on this album. 8/10

Let’s Just Live (Remix) “The Obligatory OP Remix Oh God Triumph Is Gonna Get This Treatment Next Year

It doesn’t go above my expectations but I like the new instrumentals. Reminds me of Stickerbrush Symphony. I think it’s much more fitting than in the original and is a true improvement on it. 6/10

The final issue I have with this album is this, and it involves some statistics. This is a 12-song album. That isn’t strange. But here are some numbers for you:

Ruby Songs: 0 Weiss Songs: 2 Blake Songs: 1 (2 if you count Smile) Yang Songs: 4 Remixes: 3 Scores(?): 2

Just to put that in front of you. Remixes comprise 1/4th of the album, glorified scores are 1/6th, and Yang received 4 whole slots (one-third of the album!) while Ruby, the protagonist, got absolutely none. Nothing in this album is about just Ruby, and I think she kind of deserves that. I mean she did nothing this volume so whatever, but we didn’t even get Glorious Score Track Of Jaune Healing Weiss so that’s super strange. They didn’t even shaft her in lieu of anyone, she was just left out.