#loogie frost

[loogiefrostthegod]

Wow I never know I can post my SoundCloud music link straight from tumblr made this song mad years ago

[sly-punk1712]

AN: This is kind of a side fic to this but it’s not necessary to have read before hand. This does deal with emotions and some self hate. There are brief descriptions of violence. This took me time to write because I would fall into the feelings trap. It felt pretty heavy for me so I felt it only polite to give heads up. Feelings are hard but we all have them. 

Tony really doesn’t smoke anymore but it’s fucking freezing on the roof and drunk him had hidden a stash of cubans here once after a party for Rhodey’s billionth promotion. Drunk him was smart to squirrel things away for later. He supposed he could climb town and grab a jacket but he was still hiding from everyone, but particularly Darcy. As soon as she’d intruded to his living room penthouse she’d known he wasn’t feeling great. 

“Hey Tones!!!” Her voice sing-songed his name from out of the elevator before the doors even opened. “Can we build Clint some acrobat....” She floated across the room and stopped at the sight of him in a day’s old tee shirt nursing a mostly empty glass.

Her knowing blue eyes took him in head to toe before her pouty lips curved into a frown. Tony gives her his award winning smile and sit’s up a little straighter, going for sleepy scientist over morose hero. She decidedly does not buy it judging by the way she slips down on the sofa and reaches for his glass. 

“Weren’t you wearing that Wednesday?” She asks softly. He pulls the glass out of her reach sharply jumping to his feet and swaying slightly. 

“And?”

“Tony it’s Tuesday.” She sits back and he’s glad she doesn’t move closer. He’s not sure he could handle that right now. “Have you been up here drinking this entire time? I thought you had a company thing on Friday?”

“Canceled it.” He made his way to the bar pouring a drink and putting it safely between him and her. “Benefits of being boss. I do what I want when I want” Her frown became more pronounced and worst of all she looked understanding. What did this girl know about him? She’d been in his life 8 months now? How dare she read him like an open book. He just wished she’d go away. Her mouth opened he saw the words forming. 

“Are you Oka...?” 

“Don’t you have anywhere to be?” He snaps. It’s mean, unfair and fueled partly by this bad mood and the strong liquor. “Like anywhere I don’t have to hear you?” He turns his back to her refusing to look at her. He hears her moving behind him and think it doesn’t sound angry enough. Pepper would storm out. It’s too Rhodey calm to be good. 

The elevator dings open and shut and he bolts from the room in case she changes her mind. 

So he’s up on the roof where he used to go to smoke and hock loogies off of when he and Rhodes where lost 20-somethings trying to find their way in life. He knows Darcy’s afraid of heights so even if she forgave him being an ass she wouldn’t come up and see him. He let a few tears free when he first sat down content to blame it on the wind, and he’s sure no one could hear him but he’s afraid to make a sound, everything he’s been drinking away the last few days feels too close to the top. Too big for him to break the silence. 

“Anthony?” Of course she’d send Thor. He’s her go to hero after all, the thought is bitter and makes him feel worse for having thought it. Thor is a good friend. 

“Is it always this windy?” Thor asks plopping down closer to the edge than Tony his legs dangling over the side of the tower. Tony snorts and blows a fortifying stream of smoke out of his mouth. 

“Small talk? That’s what we’re going with.” He knows he sounds like a dick but he can’t seem to stop the words that make him seem harder, stronger. Thor chuckles lightly massive shoulders shaking slightly as the wind sweeps away the actual sounds.

“Fair. Would you prefer the silence?” Yes! but no now Thor has broken it. His ears remember the silence and they scream at him to not go back. Everything seems to scream at him these days and he’s like a helpless passenger in his own body. 

“No. Go ahead and tell me whatever great Asgardian parable you have to try and cheer me up.” He shrugs and flicks ash from the end of the cigarette and can’t seem to tear his eyes away from bright orange against the dark night.

“Would that I could Anthony. Sadly divining is not one of my many gifts. Why tell tales of Ymir or the All father when they will mean nothing to you? I see you are distressed and I have no wish to mince words.” Thor turns to face him pulling one leg back onto the tower and near to him. He looks so young and sweet yet simultaneously massive that Tony smiles despite himself. 

“I just can’t seem to shake this one. I mean normally I just need a few days to myself and good as new. I just feel..” Tony stopped and took another calming drag. This was so hard for him. To feel things, to share things. “I just need a few more days to bitch by myself.” He shook his head. Thor tiled his head hair spilling to one side making him look more like a massive puppy. 

“Always alone?” Thor’s words are soft and impossibly kind and they make Tony’s eyes burn. He shuts them hating himself, hating being so weak he needs this, hating Darcy for making Thor come here. 

“How can I complain when the others...” His eyes close make it easier to confess this thought, half a thought really, but Thor knows.

“I have selected the parable” Thor announced climbing to his feet to lean against the railing. Tony sighed in relief, the intensity of that wave of feeling was over him. This talk was almost over, if he was lucky and he could go back to himself. 

“There was a young warrior who had only served a few years with his assigned company. The others having had decades in the service of the all father,” His voice was excellent for storytelling and Tony felt himself relaxing a little. Even if this turned into a weird ass Frost Giant cooking match, like Thor’s tales normally did, the cadence of his voice made it worth hearing one more how the Asgardian cooks made feasts to die for. 

“Many political reasons called them to a small village on a province near to the castle. The town fell under siege due to the presence of the company and many lives were lost for foolish reasons. Men, women and children all cut down in the name of men who lived far away in lofty towers.”  This was nothing like Thor’s normal tales, on the one hand Tony felt his heart hang on every word the other man spoke. On the other hand every syllable seemed to add pressure on his fragile heart. A thin line indeed.

“Many were wounded in the battle. The young warrior himself suffered two wounds. One of the upper arm dealt by a glancing blow from a friendly claymore.” Thor gestured to his own arm drawing a long line down his muscles.

 “The second a much worse ailment. His mind retained the panic. The sounds of steel clanging against steel. The chilling cries of children cradling their dead parents. The surprised sounds of seasoned soldiers falling on blades.” 

“The fight would not leave him and he refused to be treated for either injury. Unable to bear the touch of another the fear was so strong. That day past and the next he was silent. The company worried and nagged him to seek some attention but their pleas fell to deaf ears. Many weeks passed and they returned to the castle to await their next station. While there the warrior calmed enough to have his arm bound. The battle faded not haunting him but not passing from his thoughts.” Thor paused seeming unsure how to continue. 

“What did you do?” Tony prompted finally. Thor gave a wry smile, clearly his tale had not fooled the genius. 

“I did what all young men do, when in pain. Cried myself to sleep in my mother’s arms.” Thor seemed so fucking strong even just saying those words made that image seem impossible. “and she very wisely told me, as I will tell you now. Your suffering is not lesser because you are young.” 

Tony snorted at the young part and let the cigarette fall from his fingers to the ground. He crushed the end under his heel and looked up to Thor who had turned to look at him. 

“Pain is like armour in some ways. If I wear it, the pain may seem small and easily managed but the same set of armour would weigh you down, hindering your movements until you were too tired to continue. And in the same way you would not go into battle with ill fitting suit, you should not dwell in an ill fitting mood.” Thor seemed to struggle toward the end of his analogy. Tony let out a shaky breath with a curt nod.

“It’s just hard to handle that pain next to people who were abused, kidnapped, brainwashed, fought in World War 2. I just.. Fuck man I sound like such an asshole” Tony pushed the palms of his hands into his eyes to prevent the honest to god breakdown that was threatening to let loose. 

“You are just as important Anthony. No suffering is unimportant if it’s hurting you.” Thor’s hand rested on Tony’s shoulder and when the midgardian opened his eyes Thor had knelt in front of him. Tony couldn’t name if it was the honest conversation, the days of alcohol in his system or Thor’s kind smile that did it but the damn burst and he lunged forward into Thor’s arms sobs racking his body softly. The asgardian merely shifted their weight and pulled Tony to him properly letting the billionaire cling to his shirt and soak his shoulder in hot tears. Everything was going to be okay and Thor relaxed knowing the other man would feel better in the morning. 

*********************

Wednesday night found Darcy sprawled across the sofa feet resting on the arm and head resting on Bucky’s thigh as they watched Master Chef. She was trying to pay attention but her mind kept straying back to Tony all alone in his tower. Thor had come down last night to reassure her the Man on Iron was doing much better and had retired to sleep it off but it was in her nature to worry until she saw him herself. The elevator doors dinged and as if summoned by magic the man himself appeared. 

Darcy tensed slightly and Bucky tensed even more under her. He’d been subject to her worrying while Thor handled Tony, and was likely worried the other man was going to say more upsetting things. Instead Tony beamed at her and swept grandly to wear she was lying and swooped down to press a kiss to her forehead. 

“I’m sorry I’m an asshole” He said sheepishly standing back upright. “But I’m an asshole who is going to install trapeze equipment in the gym and buy my best girl dinner this week just us.” He winks headed toward the kitchen. 

“Trapeze swings!!!”

“MY best girl thank you very much!”

Clint drops from the ceiling shouting the same time Bucky does and the tension Darcy’s been feeling lifts. Tony will be okay and everything's back to normal. The super soldier and world famous inventor begin to bicker. Well as normal as can be. 

[shiiitimdown]

Rare

[shiiitimdown]

RARE LEGENDARY Ultimate based freestyle