#long story short they are full acab

[0ce4n-m4n]

what morals (if any) does The Sleeper abide by?

Sleeper is simply a guardian of homeless and people with sleep disorders, but they are extremely protective of said individuals, even to the point of taking someone's life. And they absolutely have taken lives before. See below the Read More

Grandpa Johnson: Ah, I remember 40 years ago, at the ripe age of 32… I had been homeless for a while. To be quite honest, it was a rough time for me.

Grandkids, 18yo and 20yo: What happened? How did you live through that?

Grandpa Johnson: Well… I can certainly tell you, but I'm not sure you'd believe me. Here, let me show you something. *shows crescent-shaped scar on the back of his neck *

Grandpa Johnson: This mark, it bears an importance. It was given to me by… well, I'm not sure what it was. I want to say it was an angel, one that watched over me while I was without a place to stay. I also wasn't the only one with the mark… a handful of others I huddled up with had them too. We weren't sure what the marks were for, only that they had been given to us by our (supposedly) watchful protector. And I call it our protector for a reason: Once, me and another homeless man, Benjamin, were gathering cans and a few other recyclables to haul so we could get some spare change for food. We were caught by two cops, of whom were threatening us with arrest and joking maliciously about our situation. We ran, of course. Didn't take them long to catch up and get us on the ground to cuff us. That's when I saw it, silently floating along the pavement toward us. I knew it wasn't my imagination, because Benjamin and the cops saw it too.

Cop 1: Hey… Tim…? What the hell is THAT!!? It's coming right at us!

The creature, a floating, hunched over humanoid figure underneath a blanket, stopped. A single horn-like protrusion stuck out from underneath the blanket where the creature's head likely was, and there were two eyes glowing from within the darkness under the horn. The creature’s body was shrouded by the blanket, but part of its arms, legs, hands, and feet stuck out the bottom. Its skin was a dark rusty orange and very wrinkly, like it had been soaking in a bathtub for hours. The visible portions of its limbs gave it the appearance of being rather sickly and thin.

(Tim) Cop 2, pointing his gun at the creature: Whoever you are, don't move, or I'll shoot!

The blanketed beast's horn extended at a high speed, shooting right into Tim's right eye and piercing through to the back of his head. His body quivered violently, and the gun slipped right out of his hand, clattering onto the concrete.

Cop 1, so terrified from the attack that he had fallen onto his butt: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! TIM!!!!!!! NO!!!!

He watched as the creature’s horn slowly retracted, making a gross noise upon coming out of Tim’s eye socket. Tim’s lifeless body fell to the ground, then the creature turned to the other cop. Upon realizing the creature was looking at him, he got up as fast as he could and attempted to run. Unfortunately for him, it was already too late. The horn shot through his left leg mid-step, causing him to collapse onto the pavement in agony.

Cop 1, writhing in his blood on the concrete: Oh god….. Oh god no…… Please, no……

The grandchildren stared at grandpa Johnson in horror as he described in detail what happened to the second cop.

Grandpa Johnson: The entire experience scarred me, I just haven’t been the same since. Watching someone die that brutally really changes you, you know?

After an hour or so, the grandkids finally returned home and bid their grandpa a farewell

On the car ride home:

18yo: So… Do you think that really happened to him?

20yo: Who’s to say? The way he described it in full actually scared me! It sounded pretty real, too real. And his scar… it’s perfectly shaped, and he said other people were given the same mark.

18yo: Weird to think that angels might actually exist, huh? Haha.

20yo: Yeah… maybe…

[cloudburst-ink]

Tagged by @hedgewyse . It took me awhile to get around to it but I did finally! I originally stalled because I've only ever been actively involved in two ship communities. But then I remembered... the third one. Which I've never been involved in, but it's still important. 💀😂

three ships

Kim Khimhant Theerapanyakun / Porchay Pichaya Kittisawat

It's the passion. It's the obsession. It's the angst. It's the fluff. It's the flirting. It's the hidden smiles. It's the stalker4stalker. It's the complete and utter lack of communication skills. It's the sweet pathetic boys. It's the bittersweet ending. It's the fanfiction in fanfiction. It's...

... alright well a lot of it's just me simping over Jeff Satur.

Magnus Bane / Alexander Lightwood

This was my first ship. I wrote my first full novel length fic in this fandom, and I even have a tattoo about it! They will always hold a special place in my heart as the ship that sailed me back into my passion for art and writing.

Reylo

So um, here's the thing. I'm not in the Reylo fandom. I enjoyed the movies well enough, but didn't have any particular interest in them beyond "oh, that was fun to see in theaters, I enjoyed it."

Many years ago, however, before I was involved in fandom at all, a friend of mine sent me a link to a Reylo fic on AO3 that she was obsessed with. It's the only Reylo fic I've ever read.

Long story short (I'll elaborate in another post sometime if I'm ever asked), it ended my impending marriage and changed the course of my life.

I have no idea what the fic was called or whom it was written by.

One day I should track that author down and thank them. I mean obviously other factors played into it, I'm not completely unhinged (well, debatable), but it was the spark that lit the flame.

So anyway, these two will always be important to me even though I'm not part of their fandom. 🖤

Honorable Mentions

I'm currently obsessing over KimVegas, KimArm, and ArmKimChay. If you notice a common denominator, shhh no you don't. ✨ I just didn't feel right using them in the three because they're all just extensions of my KinnPorsche the Series / KimChay addiction. 😅

first ever ship

I generally consider Malec to be my first ship, as they were the first ship I was active in any fandom community for.

However, they're probably not really my first ship.

I was baited into fandom as an adult by a friend who lured me into watching The Vampire Diaries. I kind of shipped Delena, but assumed they wouldn't end up together because he was the second / bad boy love interest and that's just not how the formula goes.

Little did I know 😌 that universe is far too much of a clusterfuck to care about formulas and industry norms.

Anyway I did write an Elijah/Hailey fic and post it on FFnet when I first started writing again after years of no artistic endeavors whatsoever. It's still there, but I choose to pretend it isn't. Straight smut is not my forte. 😅 And it's... well, you can tell I was a bit rusty. 😂

last song

👀🤫😇

last movie

I tend to gravitate more toward TV shows than movies, so I think the last one I watched might've been over the holidays. It's a pretty great musical--Mrs. Santa Claus gets fed up with being taken for granted, takes the sleigh on a joyride, and gets temporarily stranded in early 1900s New York. While there she protests for women's suffrage, fights for the rights of child workers, helps to reunite a family divided by an ocean, and repeatedly demonstrates the spirit of acab.

Yeah, you heard me. It's socialist acab Mrs. C here to sing dank tunes and fight for your rights.

Highly recommend 10/10.

It's also on Youtube for free last I checked.

currently reading

The Prince's Poisoned Vow by Hailey Turner.

currently watching

The latest season of Miraculous Ladybug 🥺

currently consuming

I've been making a lot of duck soup lately. I'm a bit of a duck addict, and there's something so satisfying about making use of the whole carcass and watching it slowly turn into rich, wiggly stock and then the most wonderful soup with duck meat and bok choy and bamboo shoots and noodles. ✨

currently craving

a quiet, vibey cafe to write at, and some peaceful time to spend there. the gay donut shop i used to write at shut down. 😭

-----

I'll tag... @staykimchay and @justanothervariant if they haven't done it yet.

[hislittleraincloud]

I know this won't be a popular opinion anywhere, but I don't think cops are inherently bad/don't believe ACAB.

You don't have to agree with me on that, and that's fine. But I was essentially the target of a racist, homophobic cop when I was Wednesday's age, and it ruined my high school life. The case was bogus (I involved myself with a seriously unstable girl, and long story short, since her accusations were false, the case had to be dismissed...I will go into it all in a different post). The cop admitted to me that it was bogus, after it was all over and I needed to pick something up from the station. He was a shitty, shitty cop.

There was a campus cop at my university who I befriended. He was a cutie**, too (🫠💦💦💦💦💦 but he was married 😭). He helped me so much while I was there, especially after I'd gotten assaulted by someone I'd been seeing at the time. I hadn't transitioned yet and was still presenting androgynous, and he knew that I was seeing that abusive girl. He treated me with kindness and respect; he was LGBTQ positive (we had another baby transman that I knew of at uni, and he too was protected and unbothered). He made me and my other girlfriend feel safe, which is what cops should be doing (it's literally their job). And that was in 1992, two years after that bad cop from my town wanted to see me put away for a crime I didn't commit.

There are some good cops out there, just like there are bad ones. So to me, becoming a cop (or like others have written her as a 'private investigator', who yanno...would be working with the courts and cops sometimes) for Wednesday wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. In some places, in order to become a CSI, you need to be a cop, and Netflix Wednesday has obviously shown interest in that area (shadowing a crime scene photographer/CSI, pestering Donovan about the case, acting like a CSI cop by telling him to run the DNA on the claw and bloody rag).

I mean...there's a real basis/reason for why in Afterburn, Sheriff Galpin gives her the Deputy Sheriff star for her birthday. 🤷🏽‍♂️

**He actually looked like Deputy Travis Junior from Reno 911 💀 And he collected action figures, like I did at the time. He had a garage full of them because he was a comic book nerd. If he hadn't been married...👀 YUH DAMN RIGHT I would've ridden that one hard, and I wouldn't have cared that I was 18 and he was in his early 30s. 😭🫠💦

...Oh, and then there was the state highway patrolman who stopped me during a storm warning. I was speeding to get home and he let me go after I answered his questions about the miniature cat-o-nine-tails I had hanging from my rearview mirror. He let me go because of the storm, but if there was no storm and he would've asked, I would've.

[mhb-oficial]

🇺🇸 Mandatory intro post 🇺🇸

I don't know who would bother reading any of this or if it'll reach anybody out here, but I bid welcome to all who stumbled upon this small and tragic corner of social media.

I'm an aspiring writer who simply wants to do what I like and make the most of it with whatever time I'm given. Reading stories and writing them have always been the one true joy of my life from the second I was brought into the world. I'd also really get into gaming and a good deal of other stuff later on, but I didn't forget at all about my fixation on storytelling, how much I like to write and watch stories, whether it's a book or another medium such as movies or games. This has always stuck with me ever since I had use of my hands, and now that I'm a so-called novelist, I can at long last turn the thoughts and ideas that have been stored in my mind into whatever I believe they should be written as, be it short tales or full-on novels.

I'm also not afraid of speaking my mind about what's going on with my life, or in my town, or even my home cuntry in general, so if you're one of those sensitive folks who are easily offended, then yeah, this blog of mine is simply not for you. I'm not the kind of person who sugarcoats everything like a habitual wuss about certain topics that some are too nervous or too polite to deal with directly. There's just some things that must be said as soon as possible, regardless of who winds up insulted or hurt or angry upon hearing/reading them, whether or not the words spoken were addressed to them or somebody else, and if it's the right time or not to talk about them given the ever-changing circumstances around us.

With all that said, I hope the four or five people who'll likely stumble upon the blog by mistake or out of boredom find my presence to be tolerable at the very least, and I'll do my best to post on a frequent basis. Just don't be surprised if I go quiet without warning. Everyone without exception has lives, and we can have our hands full with issues that require our attention and various commitments, as well as other events that causes us to not have enough time to do what we want. It's the same for me, so I wish to focus from time to time on what's going on in my life instead of leaving it all half-done for too long.

Well then, all I have left to say is thank you so much for taking your time reading this long and useless intro, and please look forward to my shitty works. Sign off!

🇲🇽 Introducción obligatoria 🇲🇽

No sé quién se tomaría la molestia de leer todo esto o si todos podrán verlo, pero les doy la bienvenida a éste rinconcito trágico de medio social.

Soy un aspirante a escritor quien sólo quiere hacer lo que me gusta y aprovecharlo lo más que se pueda con el tiempo que me queda. Leer y escribir historias siempre fue el verdadero placer de mi vida desde el momento que llegué a este mundo. Luego también estaría bien metido en lo que son los videojuegos y otras cosas, pero en ningún momento olvidé mi fijación en la narrativa, lo tanto que me gusta escribir y mirar historias, ya sea de un libro o de cualquier otro medio como películas o juegos. Eso siempre se aferró a mí desde que tuve uso de mis manos, y ahora que soy un supuesto novelista, por fin puedo convertir los pensamientos e ideas que guardé en mi mente en lo que sea que deberían ser escritas, ya sea cuentos cortos o novelas completas.

Aparte, puedo dar una opinión franca sobre lo que sucede con mi vida o lo que ocurre en mi ciudad, o mi país natal para variar, así que si eres uno de esos lectores sensibles quienes se ofenden con facilidad, pues este blog simplemente no es para ti. No soy el tipo de persona que habla con pelos en la lengua como un maricón habitual sobre ciertos temas de los cuales algunos son muy nerviosos o muy amables para hablar directamente al respecto. Hay simplemente cosas que deben ser dichas lo antes posible, sin importar quién acabe insultado o herido o enojado al oírlas/leerlas, si las palabras fueron dirigidas a una persona o alguien más, y si es el momento debido o no de hablar dada las circunstancias actuales que nos rodean.

Habiendo dicho todo ésto, ojalá las cuatro o cinco personas que se topen con éste blog por error o por aburrimiento puedan por lo menos tolerar mi presencia, y haré la lucha de postear de manera frecuente. Sólo no se alteren si me quedo callado sin advertencia alguna. Todos tenemos vidas sin excepción, y podemos estar ocupados con asuntos que requieren nuestra atención y con varios compromisos, así como otros eventos que hacen que no tengamos tiempo suficiente para lo que queremos hacer. A mí me pasa lo mismo, así que quiero concentrarme de vez en cuando en lo que suscita en mi vida en vez de dejarlo todo a medias por mucho tiempo.

Pues ya todo lo que me queda por decir es muchísimas gracias por tomar tu tiempo en leer ésta introducción larga e inutil, y por favor esperen con anticipación a mis obras de mierda. ¡Me despido!

🇺🇸 ABOUT ME / SOBRE MÍ 🇲🇽

➡️ Born and currently living close to the border | Nacido y viviendo cerca de la frontera

➡️ Left-handed | Zurdo

➡️ Non-binary (I'd like to be referred to with He/They/Them pronouns) | No-binario (Me gustaría que me refieran con las pronunciaciones Él/Ellos)

➡️ Autistic and easily distracted | Autista y fácilmente distraído

➡️ Multilingual but prefer to speak in English and sometimes Spanish / Multilingue pero prefiero hablar en Inglés y a veces en Español

➡️ Shut-in sometimes | A veces un recluso

➡️ Cannot play well with others | No me llevo bien con otros

🇺🇸 WHAT TO EXPECT EXACTLY 🇺🇸

▶️ Infrequent tips and tricks for other up-and-coming writers starting on the art (How-to guides, what you should/shouldn't do, general advice, etc.)

▶️ Random quotes and inspirational words from different authors and other people of interest (Started at least here on Tumblr, maybe later elsewhere depending on mood)

▶️ Updates and announcements in regards to my current and upcoming works (!!! I WISH TO WORK AT MY OWN PACE SO DON'T BOTHER ASKING ME ABOUT THEIR PROGRESS !!!)

▶️ Articles and rants of varying length about several topics that catch my attention (Gaming, real world news, local happenings, etc.)

▶️ Will try to make my posts in both English and Spanish, but some will be available in only one language for personal reasons

For non-Spanish language readers:

!!! I HAVE NO INTENTION TO TRANSLATE ANY OF MY WRITINGS TO OTHER LANGUAGES FOR NOW SO DON'T ASK !!!

🇲🇽 QUÉ ESPERAR EXACTAMENTE 🇲🇽

▶️ Tips y trucos infrecuentes para otros escritores primerizos quienes incursionan en el arte (Guías básicas, lo que se debe/no se debe hacer, consejos en general, etc.)

▶️ Citaciones y palabras de inspiración de diferentes autores y otra gente de interés (Empecé al menos aquí en Tumblr, quién sabe luego en otras partes dependiendo de mi humor)

▶️ Noticias y anuncios con respecto a mis obras actuales y futuras (!!! ME GUSTARÍA TOMAR EL TIEMPO QUE SEA NECESARIO, ASÍ QUE NI PREGUNTEN CÓMO ESTOY PROGRESANDO !!!)

▶️ Artículos y columnas de tamaño variable sobre una variedad de temas que llamaron mi atención (Juegos, noticias internacionales, ocurrencias locales, etc.)

▶️ Intentaré postear en Inglés y en Español, pero algunos artículos estarán disponibles en un sólo idioma por razones personales

🇺🇸 WHERE I ALSO DWELL / DONDE TAMBIÉN ESTOY 🇲🇽

🔷 WATTPAD

🔷 X (a.k.a./alías TWITTER)

🔷 INSTAGRAM

🔷 FACEBOOK

[meanya]

If you missed any or all of the Unus Annus livestream, here's a summary of every hour:

~11 hours out: The channel name could've been Annus Singulos (they decided on Unus Annus at a Buffalo Wildwing)

They always planned on it ending on Friday the 13th NOT the 15th (@ MatPat)

The dude who interrupted the sex toys video was not a mailman, he was just some guy. He did not comment on the sex toy stuff.

~10 hours out: They look at memes. Mark "hook car batteries up to my nipples and I'll say yes every time" Fischbach is NOT a masochist, he just wants to know what it feels like to be hit by a car

Frank!!! Frank!!!!!!!

Ethan is going to marry the microphone clip on his shirt

Dollar Shave Club never got back to them about a sponsorship

The workers including the actress in the escape room actually enjoyed having Mark and Ethan doing their shtick there

~9 hours out: Vincent the editor made a best of his edits throughout the videos, it was beautiful, it was mostly just clips of dying

He also wrote them a WHOLE DAMN ORIGINAL SONG!!! IN A WEEK!! About stopping the clock!!! He rapped!

Marcus the editor did a funny edits-roll as well, it was brilliant

~8 hours out: Rachel shows her edits roll! Some of the funniest clips in the whole series!

A comment they read: Mark can do any of his edgy project ideas now and that's terrifying.

Mark: Just wait til you see my next project.

Their merch manager had to buy a 4th warehouse to produce all the merch that had been ordered

If anyone sees Unus Annus pictures or any reminiscence of it in the future and are asked where it's from we are supposed to respond with "You wouldn't get it 🙄"

~7 hours out: they complain more about enema water gun

They re-watch the Pepper spray video. Mark talked about how he thinks about the pain whenever he sees videos of riotors/protestors getting sprayed. Everyone in chat chanted “BLM” and “ACAB” for a few minutes.

Lixian the editor had his edit reel played (”They make em (the people) pretty in Portugal”)

Mark was salty at Youtube because they claimed they didn’t make billboards for YouTube shows and hence, wouldn’t make a billboard for A Heist With Markiplier, but then later made one for James Charles’ show

Mark presented Amy with a BRAND NEW BUG WATCH 😭

Amy: No nothing on their (Youtube’s) Twitter, they’re not talking about it (Unus Annus)

Mark: Guess it’s not important enough...

Amy: They’re too busy tweeting about “World Kindness Day”

Mark: Oh yeah Friday the 13th 2020 wOrLd KiNdNeSs DaY

~6 hours out: Ethan compares the channel dying to putting down a dog. Things get serious for a beat, people in chat start crying.

They look at fanart for a while, Mark criticizes it like an asshole

They watch Pink Trombone again.

Mark and Ethan guarantee that after the channel is gone they will not forget about it. Mark also permits people to make creations / art after Unus Annus is deleted.

~5 hours out: They re-watch Pee Sauna, dying inside all the way.

DJ Burt Blackarach surprises them with a cake and champagne.

Chat is flooded with “❤🧡💛💚💙💜” messages for a while

Looking at memes again, Mark confirms that the noises that the radio made in SCP Amy were 100% just the radios, not them, making the sounds. They still don’t know why they made those sounds.

Mark and Ethan beg for 1mil like in order to see what’s actually in the Unus Annus casket. They might even lay down in it.

~4 hours out: We find out that in the Children’s Games in Total Darkness video, the weird shot of them both in a trance staring into the phone screen was actually just them trying to adjust their eyes back to normal light and it wound up looking super cool.

Vincent’s highlight reel is played again while everyone takes a break, supposedly there is a “surprise” to be revealed soon.

A tattoo artist named Danielle comes on the set, Ethan says he’s going to get an Unus Annus tattoo live.

~3 hours out: More fanart. Mark admits that after this ends, he’s probably never going to wear his suit ever again, he might bury it. (There’s not much room left in his backyard)

Mark talks Danielle the tattoo artist’s ear off about how wholesome and educational and not cursed the channel was.

Mark and Ethan then do a full 180 and confess to Danielle all their sins; cooking with sex toys, pee sauna, pee life straws, the pee soda idea, drilldo, etc.

Amy: (while Eef’s getting tattooed) “Mark, he’s choosing to spend his last day in pain. And you’re not!”

Mark: (looking at a picture of a tattoo) How long do you think that tattoo would take?

Danielle: Probably 3 hours.

Mark: 3 HOURS?!?! That’s more time than we have to live!!

Alex, Mark’s trainer, made them a euology video. It was like a LORE-filled poem made of secret callbacks to the titles of past videos.

Ethan’s tattoo is done, it is a “ 00:00:00 “ on his left arm.

Stevie who runs the merch shop makes a guest appearance. He self descirbes as “tired and sad and a little tipsy.” He seems both grateful and dead inside. He says he’s going to do a matching tattoo with Ethan.

Mark admits he was planning on not doing merch originally, but he’s glad he changed his mind.

~2 hours out: They talk about behind the scenes of Hee hoo. The reason Mark’s still wearing high socks during this video is because of all the burs so he doesn’t scrape up his legs. Amy wrote the whole end credits story about Ethan meeting Michelle Obama and dying a tyrant.

Mark never got to watch Ethan kidnaps Mark, so they watch it.

They watch The Truth about Unus Annus, Amy surprises Mark with a white tophat. #Mark’sNewHat (it’s an extra large)

Mark and Eef make their last tweets as Unus and Annus

Mark got cool Unus Annus custom pocket watches for Ethan and Amy

~1 hour out: Things get serious. Mark and Ethan private the Unus Annus Instagram (so that no one else can take the Unus Annus handle) and delete all the posts.

Mark proposes that Amy be the one to hit the delete button at the end of the channel. They agree to do it together.

They hit 1 million likes. They open the coffin. There’s nothing in the coffin, but the inside is very pretty, split-colors silk. They take turns laying in it for the first time with the door shut. It’s comfy. Even Amy tries laying in it.

Mark says a short eulogy for Eef as Eef does for Mark. They both say a eulogy for Amy. They all get choked up. The coffin is now called the Cry Box.

They delete the Unus Annus Twitter. They set the Subreddit to private. Apparently there were no mods on that subreddit except Mark.

Mark finally confessed to Amy that he punched a hole in the wall. Amy was there when it was being patched up, but she forgives him anyway.

They play The Barrel and sing along. They thank their team. They thank the audience.

Amy comes down. They all put their hands on the computer. “Unus Annus."

Mark: "See you on the other side."

Ethan: "See you on the other side."

they click delete. The channel is gone forever. Memento mori.

[moongoddessmox]

Henry Cavill Filmography - A Review

This is a list of everything Henry Cavill has been in, according to IMDB, and excluding things that are not released. I will be watching everything that I can and reviewing each one.

Side note: I will be referring to him as Cavill, as I have bad personal vibes with his first name, rip

1) The Witcher (2019-2021) Netflix

Love love love. This is exactly the type of shit I love to watch. I’ve barely played the game, but man this show is amazing. I love him in it and god he’s so delicious. Ideal man. Unpopular opinion: I don’t like Yennifer. Idk, I preferred her character before her transformation. I would have to rewatch the first season, but she seems kinda weak now, no spark. Is that the intention? Idk I don’t remember, but the show is a 10/10 regardless.

2) Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021) HBO Max

3) Enola Holmes (2020) Netflix

4) Night Hunter (2018) Amazon Prime Video

Hm. Interesting. Cavill, always a looker. So gruff and grizzly, daddy af. His ass in those pants? Fuck. Acab except for him. The movie was okay, it wasn’t bad but it was missing that oomf. I’m confused on his relationship with Rachel? Like, I got the impression that they had an affair but I don’t think it was ever mentioned, and idk, it was just weird because it was never explained why they were standoffish. Also, I will need to watch more of his stuff, but he seemed kinda stiff in this movie, idk if that’s just because he’s built like two mac trucks or what but the movie overall gets a 5/10. Cavill gets a 7/10, not convinced this was his best. However, I would let me shove his gun in my mouth and I would say thank you.

5) Mission: Impossible - Fallout (2018) Paramount Plus

I’ve never actually seen any of the Mission Impossible movies but this was pretty good. Ngl, it felt very acting and not acting, like, it was obvious acting idk how to describe it. Cavill looking fine as ever, he can manhandle me any day of the year. His ass in those pants? Daddy? Sorry, Daddy? Sorry...I wish he didn’t have an American accent tho, kinda felt weird, like it was almost American but not. I thought he was great in it though, god I love him. 9/10 Cavill, 10/10 screen time, 6/10 movie

6) Justice League (2017) HBO Max

7) Sand Castle (2017) Netflix

8) Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016) HBO Max

Damn, this movie long as fuck. NOT looking forward to seeing Justice League bc that shit is 4 hours long...when did movies stop being 1hr 30min??? Anyway, this movie was good. Very action packed, great story, Superman...yum...Batman? Let’s be honest, Ben Affleck do be kinda hot ngl. 10/10 Cavill, 9/10 movie.

9) The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (2015) Tubi

10) Man of Steel (2013) HBO Max

Mm, mm, mm. Never seen a Superman movie tbh, and lawd. Wish he wasn’t clean cut as Superman, how he first looked was daddy af, but ya know. Good movie, Amy Adams is one of those actors that I just don’t like for no reason, so eh. But 9/10 movie, 10/10 Cavill. Also, let us mention Zod animal crawling up the side of the building like he's a gd furry, let us also mention Zod's skin tight ass suit, when he took off the armor and was just left in that Cling Wrap 9000 and was supposed to be tougher, he just looked dumb lmfao

11) The Cold Light of Day (2012) MovieSphere (Amazon Channel)

12) Immortals (2011) Amazon Buy or Rent

13) The Tudors (2007-2010) Showtime

14) Blood Creek (2009) Tubi

15) Whatever Works (2009) Amazon Buy or Rent

16) Stardust (2007) Netflix

17) Tristan + Isolde (2006) Cinamax

18) Hellraiser: Hellworld (2005) SlingTV

19) Red Riding Hood (2005) DVD

20) Midsomer Murders (S7 E1 2003) IMDB TV (Amazon)

I didn’t actually watch the full episode, F. But he was so adorable! So cute, so young! Baby Cavill did great, I was actually really surprised by how good this little role was because it's one of his first things. But the show is really good, my mom is obsessed with it, and he did great for the short bit he was in it.

21) I Capture the Castle (2003) IMDB TV (Amazon)

22) Goodbye, Mr. Chips (2002) DVD

23) The Inspector Lynley Mysteries (S1 E2 2002) BritBox (Amazon)

24) The Count of Monte Cristo (2002) DVD

25) Vendetta (2001) Torrent

[frogtanii]

hq boys as the crimes they’d commit

warnings: CRIMES, crackfic, probably many typos idk i’m so tired lmaooo, cursing, drinking ??? idfk 😩💦

an: and i did this for what?? inspired by hq hcs royalty @sugardaddykenma @hina-wit-da-glock (AJSKSJ SORRY FOR TAGGING Y’ALL IF YOU SEE THIS, IT IS DEF NOT UP TO PAR W Y’ALLS WORKS ILY)

karasuno

sawamura daichi- insurance fraud!! somehow this is such a dad crime to commit?? dadchi didn’t try (dumb excuse, how do you accidentally commit insurance fraud smh) to commit insurance fraud but at one point in his late-thirties, he was very very broke and was already working as much as possible so, he decided to fake an ankle injury, as you do, and filed a bunch of claims which made him bank. daichi kept doing it until he was able to quit one of his jobs and buy himself a really nice suit and a rolex (uhhh 🥵). he somehow never got caught tho and to this day, none of his friends know how he was able to afford a tesla on a cop’s salary (sorry daichi but acab 😔✨)

sugawara kōshi- child abandonment!! ok you can try and fight me on this but i feel in my bones that suga absolutely despises children. he can tolerate ages 10+ but anything younger than that, he will punt them into the next dimension. the thing is, people just assume he likes kids because of how good he is with his team which is why his aunt begged him to babysit his nephew taro. taro was being an absolute brat when suga took him out for the day and he was 👉👈 this close to snapping. he put taro down for like 3 seconds to pay for their ice cream and when he turned back, the demon spawn was gone. he panicked, running around the park looking for taro when it turns out, taro was just bent down behind the bench. some random karen called the police and suga has never craved murder more.

nishinoya yuu- arson!! you CANNOT tell me nishinoya doesn’t have a ~murder~ playlist that he listens to to get himself hype (me too noya, me too). one night, he got a lil too hype listening to start a riot by duckwrth and watching demolition videos on youtube. he snuck out of his house to an empty shed like 30 minutes away and maybe... lit it on fire while genocide by lil darkie played on a speaker nearby. what he did NOT anticipate was the absolute size of the fire so he freaked out and called the firefighters who promptly called the police. he didn’t want to get grounded so he called daichi to bail him out. daichi still told noya’s parents 😔.

tanaka ryūnosuke- vandalism!! tanaka had been on alt tiktok and saw a group of cool friends spray painting an abandoned building. he thought “that’s cool, lemme do that!” but then he realized he had no friends (AHDGS JK I LOVE TANAKA). he asked nishinoya who was grounded from the arson incident and he knew he definitely couldn’t ask daichi, suga, asahi, or enoshita so he decided to go it alone. that proved to be a MASSIVE mistake. he got the supplies, arrived to the building of his choice (thanks saeko :3), and decided to spray paint a huge p3ni5 in bright red paint. he finished “successfully” and zoomed back home. what he didn’t realize with his two-and-a-half braincells is that he signed his glorious piece with his full name. the cops were at his house the next morning...🧍

hinata shoyō- forgery!! hinata did NOT think that forgery was even a crime. how was he supposed to know that he wasn’t allowed to copy his mom’s signature on a permission form! all he wanted was to go to an overnight training camp 😿

kageyama tobio- attempted murder!! kageyama swears it sounds worse than was and he is absolutely incorrect. what happened was so much worse. he and hinata were having a competition to see who could hold their breath the longest underwater (you can’t tell me they haven’t done some dumbass shit like this) and kageyma lost almost instantly (he has the tiny lungs of an asthmatic). he didn’t want hinata to notice so he held hinata’s head under the water for like 10 seconds. suga walked in though, saw hinata thrashing around in the water and immediately called the police. kageyama never forgave him.

tsukishima kei- cyberbullying!! first of all, i had no idea you could get arrested for cyber bullying!? that being said, neither did tsukishima who spent 80% of his time making fun of people online (and on his real account!! bold). eventually one of the people he bullied (hinata) reported him on instagram and his very lame account was deleted (pls don’t bully people online 😤).

yamaguchi tadashi- shoplifting!! andjksh this is so funny because this scenario has happened to me and i can just SEE this happening to poor tadashi. yamaguchi gets super late night cravings (and usually tsukki will walk with him at like 3 am 🥺 nEWAYS) so he’ll sneak out and walk to the mini-mart near his house. one night, he was so tired but also super hungry so he went onto his nightly routine and basically sleepwalked into the store. he picked out his favorite chips and candy bar (which are sour cream&onion lays and milky ways in case you were wondering 😌✨) and just... walked out the store without paying. the store clerk was mysteriously missing so yamaguchi made it all the way home, ate half the bag of chips and passed out without realizing what he’d done. once he did, he cried for 2 hours straight.

nekoma

kuroo tetsurō- telemarketing fraud!! kuroo originally did telemarketing fraud as a joke?? like he was trying to prank call someone pretending that they had lost their information and they actually gave it to him??? he was mildly concerned but even more excited. he did it over and over again but he never used the info for anything. to this day, kuroo literally has a notebook full of credit card numbers and bank account passwords but he refuses to use it because he believes it’s ✨wrong✨(but it isn’t wrong to take all that information in the first place under false pretenses, not realizing that once people find out, they are forced to close credit cards and accounts but go off self righteous king). once he brought the book up to kenma and he offered to sell it on the dark web. now kuroo feels less bad about what he’s done! :D

kozume kenma- computer crime!! pfttt this one seems kinda obvious but what do you expect from kenma :). he spends so much time on the internet, he’s definitely picked up some less than legal skills that still help him now 👀. kenma did little mini crimes like getting into other people’s wifi but his crowning achievement was when he hacked into the minneapolis pd website and had it so when you opened the page, a black lives matter screen came up. he never told anyone that it was him who did it but he thinks it’s the best he’s ever done.

yaku morisuke- racketeering!! yaku, the feral king, ran an underground gambling ring in the basement of nekoma (do they have basements?? who knows! i don’t!) during his third year. the only reason it didn’t get shut down was because coach nekomata took a portion of yaku’s profits whenever he won (which was literally all the time). everyone on the team has lost money to him which is why they never play with him anymore. they won’t even let yaku play monopoly 😔.

haiba lev- indecent exposure!! poor lev’s head is so empty, he tends to fall for whatever pranks his senpai’s do to him. this time kuroo had somehow convinced him that in order to grow his schlong, he had to run outside naked for 10 minutes because the moonlight had special growing properties. lev was a lil scared ngl because he was already superrr tall and didn’t need to grow his height (or his dick ((boy is hung)) but poor lev is insecure) but he did it anyway. long story short, an old woman saw him parading around the neighborhood naked and called el policia. 0/10 dick did NOT grow and had to spend a night in jail naked 😿

aoba johsai

oikawa tōru- prostitution!! KAKKAKA iwazumi made fun of oikawa for being so shitty and said that he couldn’t pick up anyone if he tried. flattykawa took this as a personal challenge and went out onto the street, asking people if they’d have sex with him. with the way he was asking (and the way he was dressed), people assumed he was a paid w h o r e and someone eventually reported him. iwazumi had to pick oikawa up from the station- he never let him live this one down.

iwaizumi hajime- battery!! it wasn’t technically battery but oikawa is a lil bitch and overreacts (at least in his words -_-). the amount of times iwa-chan has beat the absolute shit out of oikawa is uNREAL. he just can’t handle the stupidity sometimes so he just smacks the crap outta him. not for real for real but the way oikawa reacts, you’d think a murder was occurring. one time, shittykawa screeched so loud, they got a noise complaint -_- hajime hates it in these streets.

matsukawa issei & hanamaki takahiro- conspiracy!! issei and hiro have a secret blog where they discuss conspiracy theories and such but one day, hiro found an article that explained how jfk’s death was an inside job. he sent it to issei who began to theorize how HE’D do it. that devolved into a massive thread on their blog of how’d they murder a president which blew up and caught the attention of the cia who sent the a letter telling them to quietly delete the blog. they did because they were terrified but they kept the letter and now it’s framed in issei’s apartment.

kyōtani kentarō- assault!! baby is an angry little boy but for all the right reasons. he was at a bar (when he’s all grown up, duh) and he spotted an absolute drunk creep hitting on a girl who clearlyyyy did not reciprocate his feelings. kyōtani, being the respectful king that he is, went over to the guy, pulled him by the jacket and beat. the. shit. out of him. while the bartender was happy with the fact that the creep was out, he was not impressed with the damage to his bar. he just sent kyōtani out who casually adjusted his leather jacket and rings, and hopped on his motorcycle to ride away into the night. i am the FATTEST simp for this man ONG 🥴

shiratorizawa

ushijima wakatoshi- stalking!! poor ushijima has no idea how intimidating he can be. he was on a train late at night after practice and the woman sitting across from him left her purse sitting on the seat. being the gentleman that he is, he took the purse and followed her to return it. the only problem is that the closer he got, the faster she ran and when he tried to speak (yknow with his scary, deep, baritone voice), the woman screeched and called the cops on him because he was a “strange, big man who was following her home.” when the police showed up, ushijima was painfully confused and just held up this tiny ass purse in his massive hands. the cops laughed.

tendō satori- ???!! no one knows what crimes (or how many 😳) tendō has committed but each of his teammates have different ideas- ushijima: “i don’t believe tendou is capable of committing any sort of felony. well, maybe murder”; semi: “of COURSE he’s capable of crimes??! do you know how many times i’ve seen him come into the dorm with a suspicious stain of red on his sweater?? *shudders* if i end up dead, tendō did it...” in actuality, the only crime tendō has committed is ~drugs~ but he’s not bouta tell his friends that.

goshiki tsutomu- would be a VICTIM!! my baby tsutomu would NEVER commit a crime!!! i love this man with my everything and the only crime he’s committed is being too damn cute 😤🥺

[partywithponies]

hi! i've only ever seen the bbc version of father brown and i've never read the books (i know, i'm so sorry), but i'm super curious about the different versions of father brown and you seem like an expert on each adaptation, so i was wondering if you'd be willing to give me a rundown of sorts on each version/series? i know it's a lot to ask and i may be opening the floodgates here, but there's not a ton of info online elsewhere and i'd love to learn more! thanks either way. ciao!

OH BOY YOU’VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE ANON

OKAY SO

As briefly as possible:

The books:

Proof people who complain about the BBC show being “too political” don’t actually know the books at all

Father Brown straight up calls capitalism “evil” and “heresy”

Chesterton says that millionaires dying isn’t a tragedy

Inspector Valentin betrayed us and broke my heart, ACAB I guess

Since every police officer he befriends lets him down in some way, Father Brown’s only real friend is Flambeau, who he goes absolutely everywhere with. They only go on holiday with each other. They’ve been all over the world with each other. I love they

Book Father Brown pretty much never does his goddamn job. We literally never in all the books see him giving mass or taking confession. The closest we get is when he gives an impromptu sermon after seemingly coming back from the dead, where he literally only says "You silly, silly people. God bless you all and give you more sense." then runs away to send a telegram. Useless priest. I love him. 

Book Flambeau is. Incredible. Amazing. Iconic. None of the adaptations have been able to fully capture book Flambeau’s true energy, for he is a walking contradiction who contains multitudes. If all the onscreen Flambeaus fused into one being, THEN you’d have something vaguely resembling book Flambeau.

Book Flambeau is MASSIVE. He’s at least 6′4, he’s broad shouldered, has huge hands, and his super buff. He can just. Pick people up and throw them. He can knock people unconscious with one punch. He fills doorways when he stands in them. He terrifies most people just by drawing himself up to his full height. He also has a very short temper and a very short patience. 

He’s very agile and athletic and can move silently, despite his size. He’s also a master of disguise, somehow. (Explain, Chesterton. Explain. Is everyone in this universe apart from Father Brown, Flambeau, and arguably Valentin massively stupid? Actually don’t answer that I’ve read these books)

Book Flambeau has a habit of flinging people full-bodily down flights of stairs when they anger him or threaten him or Father Brown. Book Flambeau also carries a walking cane with him literally everywhere that has a sword concealed in the handle, plus book Flambeau insists on taking pistols on holiday with him, even when he was just going for a peaceful fishing holiday in the Norfolk Broads. King. 

(Which all makes it so iconic that Father Brown, described as tiny and meek and sensitive, saw this man when he was still a hardened criminal on top of all this and said “THIS ONE I LIKE THIS ONE. I JUST THINK HE’S NEAT” and went off on a jolly through London with him.)

Flambeau’s past is extremely mysterious. We no nothing about his family or his childhood or where he’s from or why he turned to crime. We know he used to be a soldier, and a part of him misses it. We know he used to fight duels semi-regularly, and liked them to be fought the very next morning after they were organised. We know he always used to make sure to visit the dentist on time, even when he was a hardened criminal. (King of good teeth.)  We know he was in a gang at some point. We know he was a student at some point. We don’t know what he studied, but we know he knew Leonard Quinton in “wild student days in Paris”  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). This is literally all we know about his past before he met Father Brown. The man is a riddle wrapped in an enigma. (That’s why Flambeau is so big. He’s full of secrets)

(Fun fact: in the book universe Flambeau is famous and popular in America, so you could say that in universe Flambeau is America’s Favourite Fighting Frenchman.)

Flambeau also loves cats and children, believes in fairies, likes pointing out rocks that look like dragons, and likes giggling and mucking about on the beach with Father Brown.  A baby.

One time Father Brown called Flambeau “full of good and pure thoughts”, but I don’t think that’s quite true, Father. I think Father Brown just has endless faith in Flambeau.

Another thing I think is really neat is that it would’ve been so easy to have Father Brown be the genius and Flambeau his dumb muscle sidekick but that’s not the case at all! They’re both geniuses and they’re both each other’s sidekick, and in fact it’s Flambeau who’s the famous professional private detective, Father Brown is just an amateur. Father Brown is often defined by his connection to Flambeau rather than vice versa, both in the text (the text will frequently refer to them as something along the lines of “Flambeau and his friend the priest”, and on two separate occasions a long list of Flambeau’s possessions is ended with “and a priest”), and in universe (Father Brown himself is massively famous in America in universe largely because of “his long connection to Flambeau). I don’t know I just think it’s neat. 

One time a man threatened Father Brown with a gun and Flambeau just beat him unconscious and then Father Brown and Flambeau just drove away and left him unconscious on the path. It was awesome.

(I’m sorry I rambled about Flambeau for so many words I just. Really really like Flambeau you guys. Father Brown and Flambeau are like two separate crime drama character tropes, the hard boiled cynical P.I. and the cosy eccentric amateur detective, but together as a double act, and I just think that’s really cool.)

Father Brown himself is if anything even more mysterious. He’s just “Father J. Brown, formerly of Cobhole in Essex, currently London”, and he’s “Flambeau’s friend”, and that’s all. That’s all he needs to be.

I also really really love Father Brown himself. I love that he’s allowed to be cheerful and optimistic and childish without any of this making him less clever, and in fact he’s shown time and time again to be cleverer than grumpy cynics who are scornful of childish things. Like, the whole giggling childlike thing isn’t even some kind of act, he’s a genius who understands true human nature, and he also really really likes puppet shows and building sandcastles who telling fairy stories, he really does get a “childish pleasure” from seeing Flambeau swing his sword-stick, and he really does have “strong personal interest in tomfoolery”. I love him.

I must share my favourite book quote about Father Brown himself: “But neither of them is very like the real Father Brown, who is not broken at all; but goes stumping with his stout umbrella through life, liking most of the people in it; accepting the world as his companion, but never as his judge.” uwu uwu uwu I’m cry.

Chesterton just subverts all the expectations character wise, the cheerful bumbling priest is a genius, the violent criminal is a true hero, the noble police officer is a corrupt self-serving murderer. It’s great. We stan. 10000000/10

(I’m not very good at being brief, am I?)

Father Brown, Detective (1934):

The first movie! It’s completely ridiculous. I love it a lot.

It was released just at the start of Hays Code, which, among other things, stated that crime and immorality should not be glorified or glamourised, and all crime and immorality must be seen to be punished by the end of the film. In practice in the case of this film, this means two things:

Paul Lukas!Flambeau is the only Flambeau to actually go to prison (and stay there).

He’s by far the Flambeau who deserves it the least. Lukas!Flambeau never hurt a soul. He just wanted to be loved. #FreeMyBoyHercule

Okay but in all seriousness. There’s a reason I call Paul Lukas!Flambeau “Himbo Flambeau”. Where other Flambeaus are violent or dangerous or geniuses, Lukas!Flambeau is just a big dumb idiot who respects women and has a great sense of humour and writes all his letters in the third person like Elmo for some reason. I would die for him.

At one point Flambeau in disguise is talking to the police, and when the police criticise Flambeau, disguised Flambeau says “Oh but I assure! I have read many things about this Flambeau! He is a fearless, handsome fellow!” The absolute idiot. I adore him with my whole heart.

The film is set in London, like the books, but an idealised Hollywood version of London, i.e., almost entirely unlike London.

Walter Connolly!Father Brown is also entirely lacking in braincells. Look at these two idiot men:

I love them.

Oh oh! And the most important thing, the thing that carries over into most other adaptations? NEW ORIGINAL CHARACTERS!!

This movie invents a few characters that weren’t in the books, but the most important ones are Mrs Boggs:

She doesn’t really add much to the plot but she’s funny and I love her so I’ll forgive it. 

She’s Father Brown’s housekeeper, she’s basically just the fussing maternal female character archetype who fusses around in the background, but she does it well and plays it with charm so I’ll allow it.

(Honestly this whole film is just. Not *technically* good or original, but just so charming and with so much heart that I unironically adore it.)

She tries to make Father Brown drink his milk because it’s good for him even though he doesn’t like it, and keeps checking back in on him to make sure he’s drunk it, it’s literally like a mother and her small child.

She objects to policemen in the presbytery because of their “big muddy boots on the carpet” but is fine with just letting Flambeau in whenever despite the prevailing rumour in London being that Flambeau killed a man. We stan a queen of having priorities. 

When Inspector Valentine summons Father Brown to the station, Mrs Boggs pops up in the background, assumes Father Brown’s being arrested, and says “Oh dear, I knew it!” and it makes me giggle like an idiot every time.

The other, more important original character invented for this movie is my girl Evelyn Fischer:

I love her, I would die for her, she’s flawless.

She’s basically your typical bored and rebellious young aristocrat, but she has a chaotic streak that I adore.

She sneaks out of her family’s mansion to go to a seedy underground club/illegal gambling ring in Soho (I mean I assume it’s Soho, a seedy part of London in that general vicinity, at least. I’m not about to get bogged down trying to understand the geography of London according to Hollywood), flirts with a bunch of strangers for fun, then when the police raid the place and everyone else is panicking she stands stock still, cheerfully says “Oh goody, I shall probably get my name in the papers!” and has to be physically dragged out of the building by Flambeau.

Later on Flambeau breaks into her bedroom in the middle of the night and she’s just very calmly like “What are you doing?”, and even when she finds out it’s Flambeau, a man widely believed to be dangerous and violent, instead of being scared, she calls him an idiot right to his face.

She forms the third part of the main trio of the movie with Father Brown and Flambeau (RIP to Valentine, demoted to tertiary character in a loose adaptation of the one (1) story where he was the main character lol) and together the three of them share a single braincell and have to take turns with it, while Mrs Boggs fusses in the background at the trio’s increasingly bonkers decisions. 

The movie ends with Father Brown and Evelyn sharing an emotional farewell with Flambeau through the window of a police car and promising to look after each other until Flambeau’s released, wow poly rights.

The Adventures of Father Brown (1945):

The adaptation there’s the least amount of information about, but I’ve done my best to find everything I can find on it.

An American radio show made towards the end of wartime, it’s a bit of an odd one, and believe me Father Brown adaptations have gone some odd places.

Only two episodes survive, or at least if more do survive then whoever has them is being very selfish and hoarding them to themselves because only two episodes are publicly available anywhere, and the audio quality of those is a bit dodge. (Though that is to be expected, they do appear to be home recordings, from 1945. Honestly we should be grateful to even have two full episodes.)

If the actors I’ve found are the right people, this show featured by far the youngest Father Brown and Flambeau, at the start of the show the actor playing Father Brown was only 36 and the actor playing Flambeau was only 27. They’re BABIES. (Honestly I’d like to see more age variation in Father Brown adaptations, as I have extensively rambled about before, the characters have literally no canon ages in the books, I think people ought to be a little more imaginative instead of always building on the adaptations that came before, even if it is really cool to see traces of all the previous adaptations in each new one that comes along. It’s something I haven’t noticed as much in adaptations of other golden age detective novels, but the Father Brown adaptations do seem to be stuck in some kind of game of “yes, AND” with each other. I would REALLY like to see an adaptation where Flambeau is older than Father Brown though, it's just something we've never had before despite there being literally nothing in the books to suggest this can't be the case, and I just think it'd be neat.)

This show is really really painfully American, in a real old fashioned "golly gee whizz mister" kind of way, to the point it almost feels like a parody, and I honestly find it kind of endearing.

Even Flambeau frequently slips into a very American accent to the point that my affectionate nickname for him is "The All-American Flambeau", and it's great. He's great.

Honestly I could accept the accents and the slang, for some reason the only thing that really threw me was Father Brown referring to money in cents and nickels.

Needless to say, this adaptation is not set in London. It is instead set in Generic Unspecified Smalltown USA. It's fine. This is fine. I already have so many films and shows set in London, I can swallow my London pride and let America have this.

It's hard to get a real grasp on characters from just two episodes, but I like this Father Brown and Flambeau, even if they are a little overly serious, and even if Flambeau doesn't really do much. He may be a bit serious and a bit useless but All-American Flambeau stays up late anxiously waiting for Father Brown to get home safely and it's very sweet. What a good boy.

All-American Flambeau also carries handcuffs around with him for some reason? But no weapons? Why is All-American Flambeau one of the few Flambeaus not to have a gun? Oh well, he's still sweet.

The 1945 radio show also gives us some original characters, but they're very much side characters and not part of the main plot and it's very hard to get a good grasp on a character from just a few minutes of audio from just two episodes but here's what I could gather:

Nora is another fussing housekeeper! She seems younger and less maternal than Mrs Boggs, but I don't know if that's just because the whole cast was on the younger side. (Could the radio station not find anyone over the age of 40? Were they in short supply in 1945 or something? Ah well.) She seems dedicated to helping Father Brown get some peace and quiet that he never goddamn gets because someone always goes and gets themselves murdered. In both surviving episodes a knock at the door disturbs Father Brown’s rest, Nora opens it professionally, sees it's Flambeau, and immediately drops the professionalism and is immediately like "oh it's only you", so I can only assume every episode started this way. I do hope so.

Father Peter is a junior priest who answers to Father Brown and takes over his duties on his days off. He's implied by the dialogue to be considerably younger than Father Brown, Nora, and Flambeau, but if their actors are anything to go by then they're not that old themselves, and though Father Brown seems to talk to Father Peter like he's a literal child, he is still a priest so I very much doubt that's the case. He seems sweet and harmless, but he's only in one of the surviving episodes and only in that towards the end and mentioned briefly at the start, so it's hard to judge completely. It's highly unlikely that the reason he's not even mentioned in the later surviving episode is because he turned out to secretly be an evil murderer, but, this being a Father Brown adaptation, not entirely unfounded. (But no, he's probably just a sweet boy who exists to have exposition delivered to him.)

Father Brown/The Detective (1954):

The Alec Guinness movie! The one haters of any of the other adaptations complain that adaptation isn't more like, but in my humble opinion, actually the worst adaptation.

Like, I don't hate it! The cast is mostly stellar actors and if I just saw it as a movie on its own, it'd probably be fine. But as a Father Brown adaptation watched in context of the books and the other adaptations, it has a few issues imo.

Most glaringly it has Tone Issues. This film cannot decide if it's a comedy or not. The original posters certainly marketed it as one (see above) and half the cast are noted comic actors who were famous at the time for comedy, goddamn SID JAMES is in it, but the entire third act is played painfully straight, half the cast is mugging for the camera and trying way too hard to be funny while the other cast is giving extremely serious and subtle performances, like. I have no problem with a Father Brown adaptation being played for laughs, and I have no problem with a Father Brown adaptation being played for drama, both can work beautifully, but just PICK ONE, PLEASE

All of my other gripes with the film are very petty and nitpicky, this film calls Father Brown and Flambeau "Ignatius Brown" and "Gustav Flambeau" even though Father Brown has the canon first initial "J" and Flambeau has the canon first name "Hercule", and I hate it a lot. "Ignatius and Gustav" is the second worst thing any Father Brown adaptation has ever done to me.

My other petty nitpick with the movie is that it makes Flambeau literal nobility. The man is a duke. In my opinion Flambeau should always either have a completely mysterious past or be a nobody who came from nothing, someone who grew up with land and title and many servants and a family coat of arms, living in a whole entire castle with his family name and coat of arms engraved into the side of it, growing up and stealing from people, is a whole lot less sympathetic in my opinion. Like to be fair his parents are dead which is sad I guess and his castle has seen better days, but dude. You still own a castle. People who live in castles do not get to lecture other people about materialism.

THAT SAID, Peter Finch is still the best thing about the movie. I love all Flambeaus dearly, even the ones that are little bitches. He’s a bit of an emo “oh woe is me” sadboy, but he’s very charming, and actually good at disguises and being undercover, get dunked on Lukas!Flambeau.

Guinness!Brown likes to feed ducks and Flambeau calls him “the angel with the flaming umbrella”, which makes my inner Good Omens fan who loves finding parallels between Aziraphale & Crowley and Father Brown & Flambeau go 👀

There is one really good scene, in the Paris Catacombs. And by “good” I mean “really really bafflingly gay”:

I truly, truly do not understand how this scene was written, directed, acted, filmed, and edited without ANYONE saying “hey lads does this seem a bit gay to you?”

Father Brown, literally lying on top of Flambeau and pinning him to the ground, whispering: “I would like to set you free.” Flambeau, softly, gently smiling while his face is literal inches away from Father Brown, who is still pinning him to the ground: “Ah, now I begin to understand what you are.”

What the fuck, you guys. What the entire fuck. This scene keeps me up at night.

ANYWAY

This film is also not set in London. It is instead mostly set in a rural English village, and partially in Paris and partially in rural France. Paris is fun but I miss London.

This film also has some original characters. I should probably talk about them. 

This is Lady Warren:

She’s Father Brown’s friend, and she’s a Lady, and that’s all I can really tell you.

She’s very well-mannered and dignified and sophisticated.

She gives me the vibe that she exists solely because the writers decided they needed a female character but then remembered at the last minute they had no idea how to write women, so as a result she is almost entirely irrelevant to the plot. I don’t want to say I don’t like her, because she’s done nothing wrong and it’s not her fault, but like. Why is she here? Poor thing, she deserved to be plot-relevant, really.

She lives in a big mansion and owns some very nice things, and she gets annoyed when she invites Father Brown to lunch but he just stares blankly into space thinking about Flambeau the whole time. (Mood honestly FB. Me too.) 

She flirts a bit with Flambeau in one very pointless scene that came the hell out of nowhere, went nowhere, and was never mentioned again. It was like the writers realised how gay the previous Flambeau scene was and suddenly tried to convince me this man is a hetero. Nice try, writers. You can’t fool me that easily.

The other main original character is Bert:

Alright, own up, whose bright idea was it to put Sid James in a Father Brown movie?

Bert is a smalltime criminal who’s a friend of Father Brown, who Father Brown protects from the police, but tries to convince to get on the straight and narrow by getting him as a job as Lady Warren’s chauffer. 

This is would be fine, were it not for the fact he’s played by Sid James, who only knows how to play Sid James, and is just Sid Jamesing it up in every scene. I don’t have anything against Sid James. I like my fair share of Carry On films. But Sid James does not belong in Father Brown and I want to fight whoever decided he did.

Father Brown (1974):

LADS LADS LADS! It’s time for the first TV show, and it’s time for my favourite boys:

Oh! OH! How I love Kenneth More!Brown and Dennis Burgess!Flambeau. They’re just. So cute. My two special boys.

Not only that, but LADS! We’re finally back in London!

A gritty, dirty, London in the 1930s no less, with cool London buses and political unrest and grimy pubs and the constant threat of world war. Alexa this is so cool play London Calling.

In one episode Flambeau gets verbally abused by an anti-immigration right-wing zealot. :( My poor boy. :( 

(But it’s okay, shortly after Father Brown witnesses this, the racist shows up dead in exactly the place Father Brown earlier said would be a good place to commit a murder. Now I’m not accusing Father Brown of murder, BUT)

This show made the bold but valid decision to skip Flambeau’s redemption arc and start the show when Flambeau is already a seasoned and respected private detective who’s lived in London and been Father Brown’s closest friend for many years. As a result this Father Brown and Flambeau are ridiculously domestic with each other. Look at this peak Old Married Couple energy:

Oh! I just love them.

I would love to know how Burgess!Flambeau’s redemption went down though, because Burgess!Flambeau is BY FAR the least repentant of all the reformed Flambeaus. He proudly boasts about his crimes, he still believes he “deserved to succeed”, he still proudly talks about how “daring and outrageous” he was, which begs the question of why did he stop at all? Literally the only explanation I can think of is that he’s literally only doing this for Father Brown’s sake, which. uwu

Oh GOD I love Burgess!Flambeau. Obviously I love all Flambeaus a lot, and choosing a favourite feels like choosing a favourite child, but let’s just say: if the Flambeaus WERE my children, Burgess!Flambeau would be quite spoilt. My ~ Daring And Outrageous ~ boy.

More!Brown and Burgess!Flambeau are both really really socially awkward, uncomfortable in crowds, and nervously say “oh dear” a lot. They really are ridiculously cute.

They also only giggle and joke and act silly when they’re together, when they’re apart they’re both sort of sad and quiet and withdrawn. (This makes episodes Flambeau isn’t in a bit harder to watch because Father Brown is just kind of lost and lonely without his emotional support Frenchman, with three notable exceptions: that time Father Brown infodumped about the mating habits of whales at the Father Superior for a solid minute, that time Father Brown met a dog and reacted with unrestrained delight, and that time someone mentioned former criminals in passing and Father Brown’s whole face lit up and he started gushing about how Flambeau was living in London now and doing very well as a private detective, completely unprompted.)

This show also brought back book!Brown and Flambeau’s habit of always going on holiday together! Wonderful! We love to see it!

This show is also the first time in the entire Father Brown franchise where gay people are overtly acknowledged to exist! And Father Brown is non-judgemental! A roman catholic priest written in the 1970s and living in the 1930s who canonically isn’t homophobic! I have no choice but to stan forever!

You remember what I said about liking to point out Good Omens parallels? WELL

Kenneth More!Father Brown and Dennis Burgess!Flambeau both live in London

Burgess!Flambeau lives in a brightly lit, pale walled, airy and spacious, modern (for the time) London apartment, while More!Brown prefers gothic architecture and lives in an old, grey, cramped, stone building absolutely full floor to ceiling with books

They go out for intimate candlelit dinners for two at very fancy London restaurants 

Desperate people come to Flambeau because he “knows the game on both sides of the fence”

Father Brown responds with a quiet and miserable “oh dear” when asked to actually do his job instead of just watching plays and drinking wine

Father Brown calls Flambeau “my dear” at times and it personally kills me

I mean. I’m just saying.  👀

Now, isn’t there a third important character in the books? 

Oh yes of course:

HIM! THE BASTARD MAN! INSPECTOR VALENTIN HIMSELF!

(Nobody understands him! IT’S NOT! EVIL!)

This show is the literally only adaptation to include the Valentin betrayal and I’m not gonna lie. It’s a very difficult episode to sit through, it’s far darker and grimmer and more depressing than you would ever expect from Father Brown, but my god it’s done so well. Especially considering the teeny tiny budget they clearly had, only four sets are used the entire episode and the whole thing takes place inside Valentin’s house, but even that adds a certain claustrophobic atmosphere and just. It’s done so well.

I think the entire budget went on gore effects because the decapitated heads in this episode are disturbingly realistic for the time the show was made and genuinely grim to look at. Not to mention the intense downer ending.  Not to mention this was THE FINAL EPISODE OF THE SHOW

THE INTENSE DOWNER ENDING OF THIS EPISODE IS HOW THE WHOLE SHOW ENDED

God it hurts so much but I lowkey love it. 

Father Brown Stories (1984):

The second radio series, and the first BBC adaptation! 

Thrilling times for fans of actors being the right nationality for their characters, because after previously being played by a Hungarian, an American, an Englishman, and a Welshman, Flambeau is finally being played by a Frenchman, Olivier Pierre!

Father Brown himself is played by Andrew Sachs, Manuel himself. 

Not gonna lie. It’s kind of hard to figure out how to explain the radio show.

We’re? Maybe back in London? Honestly it’s really unclear.

Pierre!Flambeau is kind of adorable. He’s described as looking like book!Flambeau physically, huge and buff and terrifying, but he has literally none of the temper or predisposition to violence. 

Pierre!Flambeau doesn’t speak very good English at all, and oftentimes will react with “...What?” when he hears a strange English idiom or turn of phrase.

One time he says “Perhaps we should.. push on? SEE HOW I AM MASTERING YOUR ENGLISH IDIOMS” and it’s the cutest thing that’s ever happened.

To try and get better at understanding both the English language and the English people, Flambeau starts obsessively reading Alice in Wonderland and Through The Looking Glass, massive giant adorable boy.

One time Father Brown gets complimented of being academically minded and well read, and then asked if Flambeau is also a keen reader, and when Flambeau tries to say no, Father Brown interrupts and proudly and earnestly says “Oh yes! Monsieur Flambeau is one of our top Lewis Carroll scholars!”, it’s honestly adorable.

This adaptation finally uses “John” as Father Brown’s first name, as it should always have been! I love it!

This series said FUCK Father Brown having a mysterious past and no former friends or relatives! Now he has siblings, and friends who knew him before he was a priest who still call him “John”!

Father Brown himself speaks in a very sweet and soft and wavering way that makes my heart melt.

Sadly and unfortunately, I have to acknowledge the final episode of the show, which is the top worst thing any Father Brown adaptation has ever done to me.

It’s. It’s a crossover. With Sherlock Holmes. Actual goddamn Sherlock Holmes is in it. I hate it. I hate it so much. “Elementary, my dear Flambeau” shut the hell up, if this Flambeau won’t fling you down a flight of stairs then I will.

I deliberately avoided all Holmes-related media for THREE YEARS only for the awful man to spring up on me in Father Brown?? How could you do this to me???

I’m going to yeet myself into the sun, bye everyone.

(On the plus side, the Sherlock Holmes episode does have one of Father Brown’s parishioners recognise Flambeau as “a close friend of Father Brown and a frequent visitor to his room”  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), so that’s nice I suppose. I’ll still never forgive the writers of this show for putting me through this.)

Father Brown (2013):

YOU ARE HERE.

I kind of see the current TV series as a culmination of all the adaptations that’ve come before? I can definitely see echoes of all of them in it.

And it’s great! I really really love it. I love it a lot. 

I think about it daily.

My one and only complaint I would have is that Flambeau isn’t in it enough. Not just because he’s my favourite, though I’d obviously not be fooling anyone who’s read all this if I said he isn’t.

And it’s not that I don’t love the show as it is, and find the one Flambeau episode a series always something really special, so I don’t know what I’d have the writers do, exactly. 

But it’s just. In literally every other version of Father Brown, Flambeau is the second most important character and the second main protagonist, and to have him in this show so little that some fans or reviewers call him a “minor character” and others call him a “recurring villain”, though I myself don’t see him either of those ways of course because he’s still Flambeau, it’s just kinda sad and painful, y’know?

I don’t know. Maybe I’m just being silly.

Hopefully he’s a regular in at least the final season of the show. If I don’t get my favourite partners in crime solving I’m rioting. 

Anyway that’s my “””brief””” rundown on all the main versions of Father Brown!! I hope you liked it!!

[kitkatopinions]

I'm tired of fantasy world writers being like 'oh, this is my allegory for racism in my fantasy world where actual racism doesn't exist, also I'm going to not do any research on how to properly include said allegory, badly portray it, make my main characters affected by this white or white passing, and then use racist stereotypes later.' Long post full of RWBY criticism ahead.

RWBY is terrible with the Faunus racism they chose to make part of their story. They made the White Fang an evil terrorist group, they made Blake lecture fellow Faunus about how they're the ones actually hurting themselves by using violence against each other, they framed comfortable and peaceful protest as the only good way despite establishing that peaceful protest didn't work, and they made their child slave coded character who literally got branded turn into nothing more than an abusive stalker and then had him killed without ever addressing the aforementioned child slavery. Also, the only Faunus among our main cast now that Sun is gone is one of the most privileged of the Faunus. Blake can pass as a human if she wants to, she grew up fairly rich, she has two loving parents, and she comes from an inherently powerful position as the daughter of the Chief. Having Blake be privileged would be absolutely fine, if she acknowledged her privilege, wasn’t the mouthpiece on Faunus rights, if she wasn’t the only Faunus in our main cast, and if she didn’t repeatedly lecture other Faunus.

On top of that, two of our main cast have been racist (within the narrative of the show) towards our main Faunus character, one of them learns from it (even though that as well was badly handled) and became the only member of Team RWBY to ever call out human's being racist after season three. Oh wait, except the other member of our main cast that was racist that never had it addressed because it was treated like a joke now has yelled at a racist once, in an incredibly tense situation, so I guess her racism is gone. It’s good that it’s gone, since CRWBY is pushing her and Blake as a couple, but it’s frustrating that her racism never even got a ‘that wasn’t funny’ and we never see Yang learn any better, because it feels like CRWBY brushed it off and acted like it was fun and quirky instead of treating it like the casual racism it was. They do a similar thing with Robyn in season seven which came out in 2019, when she calls Marrow ‘Wags.’ Also none of our main cast are ever seen protesting for Faunus rights (sans a two second flashback of child Blake at a rally and a non canon RWBY chibi cartoon.) I don't think Ruby - our main protagonist - has ever even mentioned Faunus rights. In a world where Adam was branded with the SDC logo under fifteen years ago at the most, racism and fighting racism should be a big part of the story, and instead, it's brushed to the side and used for the occasional 'we don't like racism btw' moment now that Blake got rid of a Faunus run terrorist group. To me, this implies that the number one threat to the Faunus… Was the Faunus, and although some humans are still anti-Faunus, no one has to devote their time or energy into fighting for equality. In season 7, Blake doesn’t even attend the rally of the political figure running against Jacques Schnee - who as far as I’m aware, is the only business owner or person in power who has ever displayed anti-Faunus racism in the show. By the way, please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong. It’s been a hot minute since I watched through the show.

Instead of attending a rally that seems very important for the Faunus, Blake goes dancing with her crush. It’s like she stopped caring about politics and rights after the White Fang got removed. That feels so bad. Also, I'll note that most of the actual POC Faunus that can't pass as white in this show are on the bad side (Sienna, Fennec, Corsac, Lionheart, Ilia, Marrow.) And either they die, or they must learn to give up their destructive ways and become better people. I’m not saying this was intentional, I’m saying it’s a pattern, it’s alarming, and the writers should’ve known better.

I believe Miles Luna and Kerry Shawcross have admitted that they mishandled Faunus racism, but first off, it still doesn’t excuse them because they were grown people putting out a product that premiered in 2013 and they should’ve known to do research and do better. But second off, I still feel like they haven't done the research they need to and continue to mishandle the racism by ignoring it when they want to and bringing it up only to let us as an audience know Weiss and Yang aren't racist anymore. They can’t just cut the Faunus from their storyline now, but they can’t just ignore it, and need to actually make it a better allegory. Honestly though, one of the big reasons I'm convinced that they still haven't done any real research on how to properly portray POC or racism is because of how terribly they're handling the Ace Ops.

They're writing a fantasy show, they aren't tied to real world portrayals of law enforcement, but they went the route of commentating on real world police, corrupt police, and use of excessive force. That's fine. But things are already pretty dicey just starting off because of how they've mishandled and continue to mishandle Faunus racism. Outside of Jacques Schnee and his company and business partners, I don't remember seeing Faunus racism in Atlas (not Mantle, Atlas.) If I'm wrong about that, again, please correct me, I may have missed it. But without seeing actual discrimination against Faunus within the police force, right off the bat, that's a mishandling of commentating on police brutality. But also, other than Clover who is now dead, the Ace Ops are all people of color. CRWBY made their bad cops all not white. Even Ironwood - who is white passing - is voiced by a person of color who has said he believes that James is Chinese American. I'll point out that being a Hunter is pretty much just being a cop with more freedom and seemingly less rules. Qrow (a Beacon Huntsman) goes around destroying public property and comments on how some hunters work outside of the law, and yet it's only the Ace Ops who are held to real world ACAB rules and everyone else gets to be a good cop/law enforcement officer. Ruby gets to proudly proclaim herself a Huntress, Weiss gets to arrest people, Jaune gets told that he deserves his Huntsman license, we've been getting told for seven seasons that Hunters help people and do what's right, and we're given long time Hunters and mentor figures like Oobleck, Glynda, Qrow, and now Robyn is being framed that way, and they back that up. Even training Atlas soldiers like Neon and Flynt are fine and fun. But only the Ace Ops are bad, corrupt law enforcement officers. So that way, we can have the entirely white passing Team RWBY beat up the entirely POC, not white passing Ace Ops. Even though Team RWBY is a byproduct of the same kind of program and even though we’ve seen the police discriminate against Faunus in Vale. If CRWBY wants their allegories to be taken seriously, they need to recognize that RWBY and co are also certified police. Also, it’s really not funny to see people use ACAB as a reason why the Ace Ops are of course bad, but then turn around and simp for Winter, and be like ‘We want Winter to be redeemed, but Harriet? What a bitch!’ Like… I’m side-eyeing that pretty hard.

Speaking of Winter, now she’s in charge of the Ace Ops. But unlike Marrow, Winter doesn’t just look sad sometimes and blindly only follow direct orders without protest. She’s actually feeling all kinds of things, and she’s actually being framed as strong, intelligent, and reasonable. I’m sure no one forgot this, but I’ll note it anyway; Winter is white. Having Winter be the only Ace Op to actually listen to JRY and do things without James explicitly telling her to (although I don’t consider what she did a betrayal or going behind his back) is dicey. They could’ve given this moment to Harriet and nothing would change. ‘This lady typically follows orders, is short tempered, and pushes down her emotions, but she can still recognize a fairly good idea when she sees one and can actually think for herself, so although this isn’t a betrayal, she compromises and lets Team JRY go after their friend.’ Yeah, idk guys, I feel like there was literally no reason to slot Winter in with the Ace Ops to be the lone voice of reason when Harriet could’ve become the new leader and played the exact same role. Instead, Winter gets to have a power move where she puts Harriet in her place. Winter is given actual depth and gets to put down the black woman who the writers have made display nothing but anger for the whole season. The fans rally behind Winter because she was given depth and hate Harriet because she has none, but that’s the fault of the writers. Btw, ‘this black woman won’t show any emotion besides anger’ is a racist stereotype. It would probably have taken like five minutes on google for Luna and Shawcross to have realized that it was a bad idea to write a black woman in any sort of position of power to be constantly angry + hiding her emotions. Elm is in the same boat as Harriet, and I was going to say it’s less severe, but then I remembered that she literally attacked Ren for talking about their emotions.

Look, my point is that RWBY as a show has never handled allegories like racism and corrupt police well, and either they should stop trying and stick to ‘make believe land is just different than the real world’ or start putting in the work and fix this. By the way, I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad for watching or even enjoying RWBY, but I hope people can watch it while recognizing that some of the things CRWBY has chosen to put into their show are destructive and that the creators need to be called out. I’ll continue to hope that most RWBY fans do recognize that RWBY is deeply flawed, but I’ve just been stewing recently about someone who told me that I shouldn’t have expected the show to address Faunus racism in the Atlas arcs because that ended when Adam died.

I want to make it totally clear that I agree with and support ACAB in the real world and I'm not against it being used in fantasy works, I just think CRWBY is doing a poor job of portraying it and many fans are misusing it and it feels disrespectful. This is an actual real world movement with actual real world consequences. It feels very bad to see people use it to argue that the writers who have never handled allegories of racism well can make an all POC group be a destructive, violent, easily controlled, easily beat group of corrupt cops that need a white woman and fellow cop to be the voice of reason.

[nlsetsumuri]

BNHA QUIRKS!!!

I'm organizing my notes for a character-insert story I'm writing and I felt like sharing them here!!! I think people would be interested in what I came up with.

FEEL FREE TO USE ANY OF THESE FOR YOUR OWN CHARACTERS!!

No credit needed. I made Flourish specifically with Shigaraki in mind because I know a lot of people would like to have a quirk complimentary to Decay so that Tomura can touch them safely.

and hey, self-shippers? I love you so much!! you're so awesome, pls send me some self-indulgent stuff sometime soon!!

also! Quirks that are present in my stories will be marked as IN-USE. this just means that what the quirk entails might change in the future.

FLOURISH - EMITTER (IN-USE)

touch-based quirk. complimentary to decay, rendering the user immune to decay. decay users are unaffected by flourish (cannot be healed). touching something with all five fingers heals/reverses any damage

i like the idea of decay and flourish canceling eachother out because they're complimentary quirks. shigaraki can touch you and??? you don't die?? and???? you touched shigaraki but he's not healing????? fun times

BOND - EMITTER(?) (IN-USE)

user has the ability to use a diminished version of someone's quirk if they share a strong bond with said person. Most commonly found in mutated individuals with animalistic features.

This isn't really a stand-alone quirk but more of an ability, but I still decided to include it because it has really specific requirements.

JACK OF ALL TRADES - EMITTER(?)

user can give themselves ANY quirk they desire (meaning that they can copy someone else's quirk, or create a new one entirely) this ability requires a lot of energy and while in-use, will tire the user out until the stop using the quirk or pass out. (think of it like charging your phone. eventually, the battery power will lower and you'll have to plug it in. Or you're one of those people who doesn't plug it in until it dies.) The more powerful the chosen quirk is, the longer the user will be out for. "OP" quirks like take more energy to replicate/use, and consequentially, will require a longer recovery period. Quirks like Overhaul or Decay will put the user into a comatose state. This quirk is literally just All For One Juniour Edition.

so basically like? all for one but fair. also the quirks aren't "saved" or anything, so if u want to use bakugou's explosion quirk, but ur already using tsuyu's froggy quirk to restrain something with your tongue, you'd have to stop using it and let go so you can use explosion instead.

NULLIFY - EMITTER

Touch-Based quirk. Touching someone with all five fingers will render them quirkless for 24 hours. Only works on one person at a time, and cannot be used on the same person twice in a row. Made with Shigaraki in mind.

i made this purely because i want to hold shigaraki's hand without turning into dust. also... imagine having to constantly remind yourself to keep ur pinky/middle finger off of whatever you touch. idk about you, but that's too much work for me. I'd rather just wear those gloves made for drawing tablets.

GRIM REAPER - EMITTER (IN-USE)

Touch-Based quirk. touching someone with all five fingers immediately kills them, allowing the user to harvest their soul (souls manifest as little cheeseball sized lights. they're all different colors, depending on who's soul it was.) souls can be eaten (they taste like gummi bears) whoever eats it has their body revitalized instantaneously, each and every individual cell replaced by a new and perfect copy. souls can only be captured in jars. they act like fireflies.

firefly rave... also this is literally decay but it only works on living things and also u get a snack. and a corpse. although idk i guess a corpse would count as a snack to someone. also if someone doesn't have a soul, they just die. lol

VAMPIRE - MUTANT TYPE

user is easily sunburnt, does not have a reflection, allergic to garlic (regardless of genetics) and cannot be killed unless the heart is damaged. User must drink a certain amount of blood regularly to avoid loss of inhibition (will attack nearest person to feed) and severe malnutrition, known as "bloodthirst."

honestly? this isn't really that beneficial... sunburns, no garlic bread, if you cant get enough blood you suffer and go apeshit... but I mean at least you've got circumstantial immortality.

HIGH ELF - MUTANT TYPE

user has pointed ears and is considerably taller than regular humans. naturally skilled archers, and have a strong connection to nature.

i couldn't help myself, i love DnD.

BETTA - MUTANT

fish subtype. user has fully-functional gills. The user's hair reflects the different kinds of tail types (plakat = short hair, crown tail = dreadlocs/separated strands, rose tail = long and flowy) and are naturally bright colors like red or blue. lethal close-combat skills and impressive speed. natural beauty is also a bonus

im surprised i'm not including this in my character insert story. it's my personal favorite so far. fishy!!!

WEREWOLF - TRANSFORMATION

exactly what it sounds like. full moons trigger the shift. user cannot control the shift. it's basically like periods except instead of bleeding out of your uterus, you turn into a wolf.

... yeah, i don't know what influenced this the most. the fact that i made vampires and felt obligated to also include werewolves, that i'm a furry, or that this gives me an excuse to push alpha beta omega dynamics onto bnha

GHOST RIDER - TRANSFORMATION

based on that one marvel comic series. when transformed, the user takes on the appearence of their skeletal structure engulfed in flames. the user is able to control flames and a vehicle/form of transport of their prefrence. when user establishes eye contact, the opponent will suffer the pain they have caused for others (if any.) cannot transform in direct sunlight.

i am incredibly ashamed to admit that it was only yesterday that i saw the 2007 ghost rider movie for the first time in my life. i fucking loved it. it was funny, freaky as hell, and so fucking awesome. i love ghost rider, i mean, cmon, like? that's literally what being a punk is about in a nutshell. skeletons. fire. leather jackets. metal spikes. chains. motorbikes. anti-heroes. also i really enjoyed the addition of genuine demon names. i got so excited when i recognized the name mephisopholes. the movie also gave me ACAB vibes so bonus points for that. and the little details like how johnny's fire turned blue whenever he focused on roxanne. god fuck it was a great movie i will be thinking about it for the next week or so. TL;DR THE 2007 GHOST RIDER MOVIE IS AWESOME I CANT BELIEVE I NEVER WATCHED IT. i always end up getting more attatched to the manga instead of the anime and this was no different.

P.S. lmk if you wanna know more about my character insert! i post a lot about him on my twitter account and i'm generally more active there anyways!!

[donghyuwus]

Haechan | Trip to Trouble Pt.1

pairing: haechan x fem!reader

genre: thriller, mystery, adventure, action, drama, crime, fluff, angst and light smut (most of these will apear in future parts)

warnings: mention of alcohol addiction, blood, murder, guns and i know it is a sensitive topic right now but the y/n person is a cop, don’t worry i stand by acab (bastards not bad) but i just had to do it for this one to fit it in the story line

words: 2221

summary: this train ride usually consisted of the same people, same events and same routine. however this time it was different. you get the choice to do something that will affect one person on this train and won’t affect you, in return a whole load of cash? easy right. little did you know what you were getting yourself into.

disclaimer: english is not my first language so sorry for my spelling or grammar mistakes, i tried my best. + this is based on the movie the commuter :)

Chaos. People running in all sorts of directions, some on the phone, others looking over at the big digital screens in the air to see where there next train departs from. People of all sorts of ages. Young couples probably going on a romantic trip, students who need to get to their colleges, families with little children going on a nice trip or vacation and elders looking for some adventure in their old days. Your breathing was making an obnoxiously loud sound as you were almost running, hurrying to the perron your train was waiting for you. It was one of those days were you would leave for work on the other side of the city and would come back maybe a couple of weeks later. To be completely honest with yourself, you despised your job, everything about it made you mentally and physically sick. From the long travel, being away from home for such long hours ‘till the misogynistic men who would command you around and make sickening comments and jokes about ‘the females’. However you didn’t have much of a choice. Living alone with your mom who wasn’t in the right mental state to work and a little brother who is still too young to and is trying his hardest studying to achieve his dream to become a doctor, left you no other choice but to find the most high paying job you were able to get into.

That same job was the reason why you were hurrying as fast as you could right now, bumping into strangers here and there and mumbling a quick ‘sorry’ while pacing along. Only a few more steps. The staff member of the train was already putting the flute into his mouth, ready to signal that they would leave, when you passed him into the train. And there was the whistle. The doors closed and you went ahead and searched for your place in the train. Usually you would sit next to a window. That was one of the good things about this trip, the scenery you passed was absolutely gorgeous and a great distraction from your thoughts. Lucky for you there was still a two-seated place left. You sat yourself down on the ugly blue seating after placing your bag in the little storage above it. Already feeling hot because of the hurrying you took off your long brown jacket, one of the more fancy clothing pieces you owned and put it on the seat next to you. You weren’t expecting anyone to sit next to you anyways, nobody really ever did unless the train was really full. However today looked like a rather peaceful day for the ride to the other side.

Letting out a content sigh because you made it in time and you now had time to relax, you sat backwards and craned your neck to look at the other passengers, checking if the same people as normal were there. By now you took this train so many times you knew almost everybody’s name, where they got off and what their favourite lunch break was. The last part made you embarrassed. Let’s just say you liked watching people when you were bored, not in the creepy way of course. You just found them interesting, it always fascinated you how everyone truly has their own life and their own intentions, a family, jobs, beliefs and dreams. So today you started looking around again. On the left side of you, the other side of the ail, sat Lucy. A middle-aged woman, slick black hair, most of the times in a ponytail except if she was running late and in a rush. Usually she would be typing away on her laptop or she was on the phone with what you assumed her kids, since she always talked in such a loving and motherly way to the person on the other side of the line. Sitting in front of her was the elderly man you absolutely adored. You didn’t find out his name yet, but you found him a George so to you he was named George. George would mostly read some newspapers and play sudoku here and there. He loved his granola bars as he eats about 3 in only 1 hour. Honestly you were doubting if it was healthy, you should search that up later. Next to George was an elderly lady, you did know her name since she was quite the speaker and introduced herself sometime in the past to you and every train ride would have small talk with everyone she could. Her name was Lilith, the most loving lady you ever saw. You knew she was old because she had told you her age but honestly you couldn’t really tell, her beautiful black skin barely having wrinkles and her smile making her seem 20 years younger and let me tell you, she smiled a lot. She especially smiled a lot at George. Deep down you hoped they would end up together, you knew Lilith was single after all.

But the most interesting person was seated in front of you. Well not directly like George with Lucy, they were seated on a 4-seat area, you were on the 2-seat area. But he was though and he was facing your way. You could see him through the little line between the two seats in front of you, sitting at your left, the seat away from the window. He had dark brown hair, lighter brown highlights going through them, it would usually hang over his forehead and sometimes even over his eyes when he looked down. Speaking about eyes, he did look in your way a few times but usually you would look away real quick, embarrassed. The few seconds you did see his eyes though you noticed how interesting and beautiful of a shape they had and how childish they looked in a way. Usually he would either be playing a game on his phone or napping, which got him to miss his stop a few times. It would make a lot of curse words come out of him, which would make you giggle and make Lilith give the young boy a lesson about the meaning of curse words and how they are not the way to go. It was one of the only times you heard his voice. Except for the rare times he would have his earphones plugged in and he would quietly be seeing along to the lyrics of the song that he was listening to. The first time it happened it completely caught you off guard, it was rather quiet in the train, the only thing being heard was the typing of Lucy on her laptop and George and Lilith quietly whispering to each other while the rain was ticking against the windows. That’s when you heard the most unique and beautiful sounding voice sing along to a song you never heard of before but immediately googled as soon as you had access to Wi-Fi. You didn’t dare to look at him even once, afraid that if he would notice you were listening and he would stop. So you kept quiet, closed your eyes and laid your head against the window while his voice mixed in with the rain, soothing you and making you drift off into a slumber. That was the first time you missed your stop and was late for work.

Today he was back at playing his game, his tanned fingers clicking here and there, his hair covering his concentrated face while his tongue was sticking out of his mouth slightly. You were about to take off your jacket because you noticed how hot you were again, when you noticed you had already done that. That is.. strange. You shook the feeling off and decided to just stare out of the window, maybe that would cool you down. The sound of the door of the compartment opening and closing in the background as you looked at the outside world zooming by you, it was probably the conductor checking for tickets. You felt in your right pocket of your jeans to make sure your ticket was there and it was, so you got back to relaxing. The sound of heels ticking against the floor, it made you think of your mom when she would go out to a bar, already quite wasted before even leaving the house. A shiver went down your spine thinking about the memory. You despised the sound more than anything, so you couldn’t be happier when it had stopped.

‘Mind if I sit here?’ Startled you turned your head to look at the tall and stunning woman standing next to the seat your jacket was lying down on. She gave you the brightest smile you had ever seen except for Lilith’s and you couldn’t help but nod in confusion as you took the jacket of the stool and instead placed it on your lap. Quietly she sat down and it stayed quiet for a few more minutes. She probably just wanted some peace and quiet, that’s why she maybe came to this compartment. This was one of the more quiet ones, the others either consisted of business people or teenagers. So you decided to give her that peace and quiet and stared outside the window again. ‘My name is Savannah. Nice to meet you.’ Even more startled then the first time you turned around to look at her and the hand she extended for you to shake. Which you did, while greeting her back. ‘Nice to meet you Savannah, I’m Y/N.’ Again she smiled as brightly as ever. ‘So, what brings you on this train today, y/n?’ Her hand went through her short and curly, blonde hair. ‘Work.’ You smiled sadly. She noticed. ‘You don’t like your work?’ Were you really going to explain that to this stranger you just met? ‘Not really, long story. What about you? What brings you here?’ You decided to keep it simple and switch the spotlight on her. ‘Same as you.’ But she seemed happy saying it. ‘I work in a social and psychological field.’ She answered a question you never asked, however you still nodded, actually quite interested, there was something about this woman that you couldn’t place your finger on. ‘I study people and their behaviour. While doing that I mostly ask one question.’ A pause, her eyes piercing trough yours, like they were waiting on something. It was almost uncomfortable. ‘And that question is?’ You decided to ask so she continued on with her story. ‘What kind of person are you?’ Another nod from your side, this time more confused. Suddenly she scooted a little closer and looked out the window for a quick second before bringing her glance back to you. ‘Let’s do an experiment! Let’s say.. hypothetically I asked you to do something that affects someone in this train but doesn’t have any effect on you.’ ‘And what do I have to do?’ ‘It’s simple. There is a person on this train who doesn’t belong here and has something they shouldn’t have. They are carrying a bag, you don’t know what it looks like. The only thing you have to do is find them.’ Your confusion grew even bigger. ‘Why would I do that?’ A chuckle escaped her lips. ‘There is a reward in return.’ ‘What kind of reward?’ Her blue eyes scanned around the room, trying to find a person who heard you being a bit too loud while asking that question. After finding no one her face came even closer to yours. ‘In the bathroom in the second wagon is 75 thousand dollars. The money is yours if you do that one little thing.’ You blinked once, twice. ‘You said hypothetically.’ ‘One little thing, nothing more. You only have to find them.’ ‘Nothing more?’ ‘Nothing more.’ You bit your lip. Was this some sort of prank? A few minutes ago you didn’t even know of the existence of this woman and now she was offering you to find this person in exchange for so much money. If you had been in the right mind you would have said no to such a dumb offer, what were they going to do with that person either way and how would you even find them, would there even be money? But it still sounded attempting, very even. You could pay for your brothers college and maybe even move out with him, to a save and better place for him to grow up. You could maybe even find another job. Very tempting. You could just check the bathroom and see if she was right, if so you could just take the money and go and never come back and if she was lying you could just go on with your day and have a new experience with a crazy lady in your memory frame.

The speakers announced that it had arrived at one of the stops. Savannah got up. ‘Looks like it’s my stop. You have until the next stop to decide. Don’t tell anyone about this deal or there will be consequences.’ She walked off but halted before the doors of the compartment and turned around to ask you the question one more time.

‘What kind of person are you?’

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 09.10.20 lb

lol, lemme preface this by telling you what i know about the show from my out-of-context insta-viewing:

kabir sends his gf riddhima in to spy on vansh RAISINGHANIA (naam ka wazan check karein ji. kaafi hi bhaari-bharkam, just like the fake baritone the actor playing the character is being forced to put on.) vansh is some kinda shady, but idk WHAT SPECIFIC KIND of shady..... like is he just your garden-variety-evil-capitalist-ala-ambani-bezos, or is he into shit like drug smuggling and human/organ trafficking???? no one knows. maybe a little bit of both. but kabir’s a COP, and we all know that those fuckers are the shadiest shits around (#ACAB) so yeah, true to type, kabir shadyyyyyyyy. he’s actually the secret illegitimate son of vansh’s stepmom and together they wanna ruin vansh and take all his monies. so anyway, kabir sends in riddhima, who’s just a whole special brand of dumbass, but also extraordinarily determined in the way only tellywood heroines are. so she’s basically sticking her nose everywhere that doesn’t belong and being a pain in the ass of literally everyone in the show, including her own (coz she seems to get injured in novel and entertaining ways in every second episode.) kabir ultimately manipulates her into marrying vansh, while vansh has apparently married her KNOWING that she’s a spy and is probably playing the long game to see who her puppet-master is. long story short, heterosexuality is too potent a force and the Stupid Spy Girl and Gangsta Guy are currently slowly giving in to the Feelz™, despite missing that one-little-teensy-weensy-who-even-needs-it-in-a-real-relationship thing. y’know, that little thing called, idk, i think it’s called “TRUST” or some such strange unheard-of concept.

oh, in between all this there’s also some bizarre plot about some ex of vansh’s called ragini, who’s dead??? missing? idk. kabir is real interested in that and wants to jail vansh for it, but we’ve long forgotten about ragini by this point #RIPSis anyway, there’s some kinda statue of her’s in the attic or some shit, coz vansh is some kinda modern day gender-reversed medusa who turns women who cross him into statues??? idk man, idk. so riddhima is pretty much in constant danger of being statue-d.

also vansh has a requisite irritating famiy in tow, that he’s burdened with being in charge of (coz no rest for the unfortunate eldest son who lives in this godforksaken mansion, be that an oberoi or a raisinghania) feat: a dadi who is well-meaning, but as annoying as the one in IB was, constantly spouting platitudes about how vansh and Spy Girl trooooooly lurrrrrrrrrrve each other *kissy noises*; some chachi/chacha who are all “HEY WHY DOES HE GET TO BE THE BOSS, WE WANT CONTROL OF THE CRORE-ON KA BIJNESS TOO”, some very fake kanji-eyed siblings/cousins who are supreme bitches, and ofc one (1) normal sibling who is sweet but really does nothing around here. oh and there’s his right hand man/bff too, who seems to be not 100% (maybe just 83%?) incompetent like everyone else. that poor sod just got suckered into marrying Kanji Aankhon Waali Bitch Sister, who is pregnant with some total rando’s baby, and is just an all-round asshole to Riddhima/Right Hand Man, because “ugh, yeh do kaudi ke middle class naukar log, cheeeeee.”

ok now that the sasta, not-at-all-useful recap has been done, LET’S GET INTO THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

———————————————————————

the chachi is screaming her goddamn headdddd off coz her room is on fire. ofc it is. when has anything good ever happened in this manhoos house of horrors.

lmao the kanji eyed cousin has like 3% concern that his mom will be fried like a taaza jalebi. he's literally sauntering luxuriously towards his mom's room jaise park mein tehel raha ho.

chachi's screaming is getting on my nerves. aunty you're wasting valuable oxygen this way.  

riddhima is behind some secret box that aryan and chachi stashed in the room.

THESE PPL ARE SO CHILL ABOUT A WHOLE ROOM ON FIRE (note: it’s shivaay's room in IB) and they're just hanging out in the living room (which if you’ll remember, IS ATTACHED TO THE ROOM THAT WAS SHIVAAY’S) as if fire doesnt have a tendency to y'know..........  SPREAD RAPIDLY.

riddhima is fighting with the bloody fireman saying ki i need to save the box. #priorities

aaaaaaand the fireman is kabir, who has come to haath maarofy on Box of Secrets.

and we know this coz he did a DRAMAAAAAAAAATIC reveal by taking off his mask. in a room FULLY ON FIRE. idhar non-flaming rooms mein bhi ab mask nikaalna danger ho gaya hai, and this guy justtttttttttt dgaf. tum jaison ki wajaah se hi we can't bloody stop the spread.

my god this house has been decorated soooooooo fucking tackily. never thought the oberois would be the classy ones.

shady saasumaa and riddhima stinkeye-ing each other over a bowl of shehed. lol, what even. truly some "rasode mein kaun tha" lvl of politics.

oh ho, saasumaa and kabir lagaaofied the aag.

saasumaa gloating over the fact that riddhima will now never get her hands on Box of Secrets.

flashback time: hahahahaha KABIR LITERALLY LOBBED A MOLOTOV COCKTAIL INTO THE ROOM AND CHACHI DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING HEAR IT OR ANYTHING. lmao everyone in this show is a dumbass. how blissful life must be with just one (1) working brain cell.

riddhima runs into flaming room. ofc now we will have a prolonged sequence where kabir tries to keep his identity and riddhima being the dheent that she is, will give chase.

please note, that not even 48 hours ago, this woman walked barefoot on a bed of coals AND a hallway full of broken glass. AND NOW SHE'S RUNNING FULL SPEED BEHIND KABIR AS IF SHE’S PT USHA. SIS, TUMHARE PAIR HAIN KI KYA HAIN? YOU'RE LONG OVERDUE FOR AN INTENSE PEDICURE AFTER THIS WEEK.

and ofc, he got into a getaway car and made it away.

yeh lo, iss beech mein dadi behosh. ouff.

whooooooooops, dadi has some weird blue nishaan on her neck.

LMAO KABIR SHOT AT RIDDHIMA WITH A POISON BULLET OR SYRINGE OR SOME SHIT, WHICH HIT DADI INSTEAD. LMAO MAN THIS SHOW. IT'S SO FUCKING DUMB, I LOVE IT.

some more stinkeye politics between saas bahu.

bahu is passive-aggressively giving saasumaa roses to congratulate her on winning this round.

riddhima is dheent!max. she's like kuch bhi ho, i'll find the secret anyway and your victory will witherrrrrrr awayyyyyyyy like these flowerssssss and you will be left with the thorns that will prick youuuuuuuu!!!!!!!

LMAO SAAS IS FULLY ROLLING HER EYES AT RIDDHIMA'S DRAMATIC ASS #SAME

just looking at helly's ears is making my ears hurt like a bitch. 

hey riddhima, have you ever thought that maybe this secret child of hers is NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS?????? like honestly, the entitlement desis have to know the workings of other ppl’s wombs.

lol dumbass mummyji crumpled the flowers in her hand and played right into riddhima's stupid kaante waala metaphor. #ramMilayiJodi

hero ko covid hai toh ainvayi ke phone calls se kaam chalaana pad raha hai.

the dude left his house for literally the first time in months and the place is on fire and dadi got shot in the neck with poison. and the wife doesn't think she should tell him so that he doesn't become "pareshaan". sure, this seems like a dude who'll take this kinda thing real light when he finds out later.

(hint: he’s not. he’s a crazed, overprotective weirdo about his family. sound familiar?????)

this guy's dialogue delivery is so dodgy. idk what it is, it just seems so affected.

that plus the ainvayi ka editing just showing him in some random car (clearly from the earlier eps)  is just adding to the jankiness of the scene.

husband dude seems to know wifey's quirks quite well. kinda cute, kinda creepy. 

lol kal tak toh yeh banda itna romantic nahi tha. like he had a smooth moment here and there, but he was mostly real awkward and robotic and unsure how to handle These Strange New Feelings™. now he’s spouting cheesyass lines about being able to see the one who is special to you with dil ki aankhein and idk what.

who are these people who like SHARING their room with another person? #unrealistic

but i also i get you, riddhima. he was pretty much the only thing worth looking at in this room, coz the rest of it is so damn fugggggg. this room should be the one set on fire.

dang, some steamy scenes between them in the flashbacks. ouff abhi jaake episodes dhundne padenge. coz #tharkiTTisTharki

riddhima doing dadi seva. boooooooooring.

ofc dadi ki sui is always atkofied on playing cupid for pota, taaki she can score some par-pota/potis.

riddhima ki best friend ka happy birthday hai.

riddhima is like a lottttt has happened in my life, can't really tell you over a call. yup, that’s for sure. 

ok apparently sejal who said she’s in dubai now is NOT in dubai?? she's just up and flew to mumbai to "surprise" riddhima...... on HER OWN birthday? #doesNotCompute

lmao kabir's annoyance with mummy's useless glass of water. WHY DO MOMS THINK EVERYTHING CAN BE SOLVED WITH DRINKING MORE WATER?!?!?!!

now he's yelling at mom about how she's ruined everything. sure. blame the only one who's actually doing shit around here, while you sit on your ass in this room, glaring and growling like a hangry bear.

some menacing dialogue about how he needs to thikaane lagaaofy riddhima's hosh.

which has been overheard by bff sejal, who went and dropped a showpiece from shock. cool. so she gonna die. bye sejal, hardly got to know ya!

sejal being here doesn’t even make sense. she thought he was a PT teacher. then why did she show up here at his police waala office? also how did she connect the dots about the whole damn story with like 0.04% context that she got from what she overheard? kuchhhhhhh bhi.

[jarmes]

In 2020 I Dreamed of Fire

A short story I wrote about the worst fucking year.

9:45

I can’t breathe. Three words that I’ve been hearing, again and again, this year. I heard them in videos that I watched a million times even though I know I shouldn’t have. I heard them in chants by people marching through the streets, right before those people were shot at. I heard them repeated in mocking voices by men in blue. Today I hear them spoken by my manager who refuses to wear a mask.

“It traps CO2, I can’t breathe,” she says, her mask hanging from her neck.

I want to yell at her, remind her that we’re in the middle of a pandemic, remind her that lives are at stake. But I don’t. I just sigh and pour myself a cup of coffee. It burns my tongue as I drink it and I curse, spilling a bit down my chin. I wipe my face with a napkin, throw it in the trash can, and pull my mask back up.

9:59

I unlock the front door of the restaurant and step outside, double-checking for any trash by the doorway before we open. I pick up a plastic mask, haphazardly thrown on the ground, and toss it in a trashcan. ACAB has been graffitied on the trash can; half the buildings on the street are covered in spray-painted protest slogans, created after dark during the chaos that rocked the city the night prior.

I see flyers taped to the windows as I walk back to work. One is a flyer for a drive-in movie theater showing classic films, another a flyer for a lost dog. The biggest one is a plastic sign corporate sent us and my manager made me hang, proudly stating that we’ve reopened at full capacity.

As I open the door, I stop and glance over my shoulder at the sky. It is orange. Not the brilliant orange of sunset, the muddy orange of death. It is orange smog that turns the sky into an endless desert, a product of the wildfires burning outside the city.

The world is burning, and I can smell the smoke as it drifts in on the wind.

10:15

My manager is at the prep table in the back of the kitchen, chopping tomatoes. She’s an old woman, eighty maybe, with hair the color of newspaper and skin covered in liver spots. She coughs into her hand and wipes the gunk off on her shirt before returning to work. I don’t say anything.

A small tv sits on the prep table, showing an image of a cable news host. The way he talks is irritating, saying a thousand things every ten seconds, too quick for you to think about if what he says is factual. Right now, he’s talking about the anarchists destroying our cities, coming for your family. Behind him is a photo of a man holding a large gun, his face covered by a red bandana, standing in front of a burning police car.

No mention is made of the cause of the riots, none of the actions of the police, none of the armies of peaceful men and women I have seen. Only the violence. Only the things that make people afraid. He tells his viewers that the world will end if they don’t do something about it. And then it cuts to a commercial for a company that sells gold.

10:40

I hand a customer a paper bag of food, my face covered by a mask and my hands covered by plastic gloves. The man snatches the bag from my hand and drives away. A few minutes later, his car rushes through the drive-through again. I ask him what’s wrong and he throws his soda in my face.

“I asked for barbecue sauce with this, how am I supposed to eat my chicken fingers without barbeque sauce?” he screams.

I tell him I’m sorry, say I can go grab him some, and he asks to talk to my manager. He screams at her too. She refunds his meal and he drives away before I can give him his sauce.

11:18

I remember back in March, when all this began, the restaurant shut down for an entire week. Then we opened up the drive-through again. A month later, we reopened for dine-in again. At first, there were restrictions. Limits on the number of people allowed in the restaurant, not letting people get their own drinks, sanitizing the tables after each customer. All of those restrictions were removed after two weeks because customers complained.

When this all started, we put lines of blue painter’s tape on the ground, six feet apart, telling people where to stand. The tape is still there, but people ignore it. They stand back to back, crowded like sardines, eager to get up to the counter. None of them wear masks.

One small change has remained, I suppose. We used to have containers of loose plastic silverware sitting on the counter for people to reach in and grab from. Now we wrap them. I spend half of my time standing behind the counter, wrapping plastic forks and spoons in napkins. I place them gently into a box by the register, so I can hand them to customers with their food.

A customer reaches in, pulling out a set of silverware. I pull the box back, out of his reach. The next customer reaches over the register to grab his silverware.

11:41

We have a big bottle of hand sanitizer sitting by the counter for customers to use. I don’t know where my manager got it, but it smells awful, like a mix between vodka and rotten eggs. The pump is broken, and it shoots the sanitizer out with enough force that it lands on the floor, three feet from the table.

A little old lady comes in, wearing a mask. Her son is with her. He doesn’t wear one. The old woman uses the sanitizer on her hands. She asks her son if he’d like to wash his hands before he eats.

He coughs a dry, hacking cough, and says no.

12:22

A man in a red hat comes in and scoffs at me for wearing a mask. “You know that shit’s not real,” he says. I nod and ring up his total.

He rants to me about how it’s a conspiracy to make the president look bad, how the deaths aren’t real, how this is an excuse for a governmental takeover, how I’m just a sheep doing whatever the government says. I just nod.

He calls me a Nazi, tells me how making people wear masks is just like making people wear gold stars, and that really pisses me off. I slam his silverware down in front of him and tell him to have a nice day.

12:31

The lunch rush hits us like a tidal wave. An endless stream of customers pours through our doors and through our drive-through. I run between the window and the counter fifty times, taking orders and giving customers their food as fast as possible. I barely have time to think, the line is so long.

Things have gotten worse, since the pandemic started. The owner cut half of the staff. There’s supposed to be two, or even three people here, handling the counter and the window. Today there’s just me. My manager tries to help, the best she can, but it isn’t enough. It just isn’t enough.

I hand a customer her drink, quickly, and accidentally drop it on the floor. I shout that I’m sorry and punch my counter. My knuckles hurt, but I don’t care.

13:06

I check my phone when I go on break. There’s a message from my old therapist, checking in to see if I’m okay and encouraging me to schedule another appointment. I don’t call her back.

13:15

I watch the videos again. I know I shouldn’t, I know what they do to me. But I have to watch them, because if I don’t then I’m like my manager, hiding from the horrors of the world so I don’t have to feel bad about it. I’m hiding in Plato’s cave because the shadows are comforting.

They’re horrible, all of them. I watch a police car drive through a crowd of people. I watch a woman get shot at for filming the police from her porch. I watch a man get shot in the head and fall over like a ragdoll. I watch two men with badges and rip an old man from his wheelchair and kick him in the ribs. I watch a police dog sink its teeth into a man’s leg and then watch as the police arrest the man for animal abuse. And I know that none of these men will go to jail, and it makes me want to scream.

Inevitably, I reach the videos of people dying. It’s funny, almost, how easy it is to find them. I remember, when the internet was young and I was younger, there was a webpage called WatchPeopleDie. I went there once, when I was in Junior High. I saw a video of a man stepping into traffic and getting run over by a truck. Back then, the video terrified me. It gave me nightmares.

WatchPeopleDie has been dead for years, but videos of death are still around. I’ve watched them till my eyes bled. I think back to my youth, to that video of the man getting run over, and I know that it wouldn’t even phase me now. I’ve grown numb to all of it.

I watch the most relevant video, a video of a police stop that happened two days prior, only three blocks away. A cop car pulls over a man in a nicer car. They say his tail-light is broken, and ask to see his registration. When he reaches for the glovebox, they draw their guns and rip him from the car, slamming him on the ground.

Two more cops show up. One holds the man to the ground. Another strikes the man in the head with his baton. I hear, through the audio half masked by wind, as the man begs for mercy. I hear one of the cops tell him to shut up.

Then, it ends. The man shoves off the cop holding him down. Gunshots. Ten of them. I watch a man die. I’ve seen this man die a dozen times now. At first, it made me angry. Now, it just makes me feel empty.

The video was taken by a teenager sitting another and uploaded online. It’s a good thing he was there to film it, because all four police body cams mysteriously stopped working right before the man died.

I think about the fourth cop. The first cop held the man down, the second beat him, the third shot him. And the fourth watched. He just stood there and watched as his friends killed an innocent man.

And he did nothing.

13:55

Three people walk in together, wearing cloth masks. They ask me if masks are necessary. I say no, but-

Before I can finish my sentence they already have their masks off.

14:26

Throughout the day, I catch bits and pieces of the news as I pass through the kitchen. Not real news, legally speaking, but something that calls itself news. I try to avoid watching cable news, it just makes me angry.

I see a story about the wildfires, fought by men imprisoned by drug charges working for pennies. A pundit complains that reducing sentences to keep people from getting sick would create a labor shortage. I think of an interview I read, about how fire departments refuse to hire ex-cons, and think about how America is broken.

I see a story about how the richest men in the world have gained tens of billions in the last few months and a story about the stock market having the best week in decades. At the same time, I see stories about skyrocketed unemployment and millions of people being evicted from their homes.

I see another story about cities burning to the ground. They show images of smashed windows, graffitied slogans, and a photo of a man holding a large gun, his face covered by a red bandana, standing in front of a large crowd. They interview a senator and he announces plans to register Antifa as a terrorist. How he can call an ideology, rather than a specific group, a terrorist organization, is not questioned. Nor is the fact that he does not mention any attack committed by this non-organization, or the fact that he uses the terms Antifa and activist interchangeably as he rambles.

I see an interview with the president, where he is asked if he will accept the results of the election. He says he'll ignore the election if he loses, and the pundits laugh this off as another hilarious joke. Like how they laughed off him telling people to inject themselves with bleach. Like the laughed off the time he bragged about getting away with sexual assault because he’s rich.

I see a story about the man killed by the police. The hosts dig through his past, looking for any misdemeanor to justify his death. They mention that he shoplifted once, in high school, and lambast the fact that so many people are martyring a man who was no angel. No mention is made of the fact that it happened years ago, or that the punishment for shoplifting isn’t supposed to be death, or that cops are supposed to arrest people and send them to jail to await trial, not execute them on the street.

14:47

One of my friends, a Latino girl no older than 18, tells me she heard that the government is sending in federal officers and the national guard, to help protect the city. She whispers this to me, like it's a terrifying secret and not something the president bragged about.

She tells me that she has friends in other cities where federal officers were sent. A friend of hers was picked up off the street by an unmarked van, and that she worries that she’ll never see him again. I tell her that he’ll probably be fine, and she laughs at this. Not a laugh of humor, a laugh of fear.

She tells me about how, three weeks ago, she went to school. When she returned, her entire neighborhood was gone, arrested by ICE on suspicion of not being legal immigrants. The kids at her school returned to a ghost town. Her family was gone. And they were here legally.

She says she’s talked to her mother only once since then, and that her parents are in detention facilities awaiting trial. She says she worries about her mother a lot. She’s heard rumors, terrifying rumors. Stories of cramped cells and rotten food. Stories of rapes by guards, left uninvestigated. Stories of disease spreading like wildfire. Stories of forced sterilizations, government doctors cutting women open and removing their uteruses.

I give her a hug. I tell her that everything’s going to be okay as she cries into my shoulder. And I know that it’s a lie, but I say it anyway.

15:13

As I’m standing at the register, enjoying the calmness on the post-lunch-rush peace, a spider crawls across the counter. I move my hand to squash it, then stop. I don’t touch it. The spider crawls away.

15:32

I first hear the news from my manager’s TV. Breaking news, hot of the press. The DA announces that the four policemen will not be charged. That the officers involved did nothing wrong.

Tonight will be hell. It will be chaos. The people will take to the streets and destroy everything in their paths. And I do not hate them for that. Why follow the law, when the government has declared the law to be meaningless?

I wonder what went through the mind of the District Attorney. He must know, the consequences his decision will bring. He cannot be blind to the violence that he will trigger through his refusal to do his job. He knows people will be hurt, and that everything that happens can be directly traced back to this choice. The choice to legalize murder. The choice to tell the world that it's okay to kill, as long as you’re killing a black person. The choice to protect four murderers by damning thousands of innocents.

I google his address and find it in less than a minute. Part of me wants to go there with a box of matchsticks and a gallon of gasoline, to ensure that, if the city shall burn, the homes of the men responsible will burn with it. Another part of me is terrified that the idea even crossed my mind.

15:48

Customers cough. They cough a lot. And it terrifies me. Every time I hear someone cough, I tense up. I think, this is it, this is what gets the restaurant shut down. This is what makes me go without a paycheck for weeks. This is what scars my lungs. This is what makes me murder everyone I care about.

And it never happens. The shoe never drops. No one ever gets sick, at least no one in the restaurant. Millions of Americans are infected, two hundred thousand are dead, but the virus never reaches me. I know it will, but it hasn’t happened. Not yet.

Have you ever felt like you were insane? Because I’ve been feeling like that a lot lately. I worry that the man in the red hat is the sane one, and I’m the crazy one. That all this isn’t real, that the armies of customers that walk through without masks are normal people and I’m the freak, that I’m blowing everything out of proportion.

If the whole world says that two plus two equals five, isn’t it madness to think it equals four?

16:05

I pass by my manager’s TV and I hear the pundits talk about the chaos and looting in the cities. I glance at the screen and see an image of a man holding a large gun, his face covered by a red bandana, standing in front of a smashed store window. The same image I’ve seen photoshops a dozen times and presented as reality by people who want me to be afraid.

16:36

“God, it’s hot,” my manager says, staring at the ceiling fan. It broke a week ago. More accurately, I broke it, but I claim that it just broke.

I poke a straw under my mouth and sip some ice water. I wipe beads of sweat from my forehead and spend a minute wondering if I need to wash my hands now. I wash them anyway to be safe.

By now, my manager has started wearing her mask. Kinda. She pulls it over her mouth, at least. But not her nose. It’s better than nothing, I guess.

“God, it’s hot,” she repeats.

“You said that.”

“It’s still true,” she says. “It’s the damn masks, can’t breathe with them on.”

She isn’t wrong, I suppose. My face feels like it has been stuck in an oven. The crappy plastic gloves we wear stick to your hands and, after a few minutes of wearing them, create so much sweat you can barely take them off.

But I still wear a mask. Because I have to. Not because of company policy, half the employees in the restaurant ignore it. Because I hate myself. Because I can’t live with the idea of killing someone.

And maybe it’s performative. Maybe I’m doing it so I can feel superior. Fuck if I know. But I know that I have to keep wearing a mask.

17:12

Two dozen customers come in around five. Too many for me to remember each of them. But I remember this one. I will remember him until the day I die. He wears a hat covered in stars and bars and a shirt emblazoned with a black and blue American flag. He has a short, messy beard and dark bags under his eyes. He smiles a toothy grin as he orders his food. I don’t notice these things at the time, only in hindsight as I look back.

The thing I notice is the gun. An AR-15 strapped to his back, covered in camouflage paint with the words “YOU’RE FUCKED” carved into the barrel. It’s an open carry state, but the gun still scares me.

He pays with his food, tells me to keep the change, and leaves the restaurant. The whole interaction takes less than a minute. Two hours later, I hear the gunshots.

I find out, later, after the dust has cleared, that the man with the gun killed two men in cold blood. I hate myself, for not stopping him. Part of me wishes I had called the police. Part of me doubts that the police would have stopped him.

17:49

I think about cop number four again. The bystander. The one who watched as his friends killed a man. I wonder what went through his head. I wonder if he wanted to do something, wanted to save that man. He could have, easily. He had a gun. He didn’t. But he could have.

I wonder if he’s racked by guilt. If he stays awake at night, tossing and turning, thinking about what could have been. Thinking about what he should have done differently.

I wonder if he’s jealous, if he envies his fellow officers for having the nerve to draw their guns. If he sees them, with their bent badges and their smoking guns, and wishes he was like them.

I wonder if he even cares at all.

18:41

They charge into the restaurant, a man and a woman, both clad in black. The man’s face is covered in blood. The man is barely conscious, the woman supporting him with her shoulder. She screams for us to call for an ambulance.

As my manager dials the phone, the woman sets the man down on a table. A customer yells that this is a place of business and my coworker tells him to shut the fuck up. I rush over to the injured man, carrying with me the first aid kit we keep in the kitchen.

The woman says that she’s a nurse and pops the kit open. She presses down on the man’s face, applying pressure. “I wasn’t trained for this,” she says, her voice cracking.

I look at the man. His face is swollen and blood gushes from his eye. The eyeball itself is crushed, like a grape that has been stepped on.

“I’m not a rioter,” he mumbles, barely conscious. “I’m a reporter. I’m a reporter.”

18:53

We let the nurse sit in the restaurant after the paramedics take her friend away. She doesn’t want to go back on the street again. I grab a wet rag and clean the table, slowly clearing away the blood.

“We were peaceful,” she says, staring into a cup of coffee. “Hundreds of us. Thousands, even, marching in solidarity. And we were peaceful. Then they showed up.”

“Who?” I ask, even though I already know the answer.

“Who the fuck do you think? The cops. Men dressed in soldiers, driving through our streets in tanks. They showed up and they fired at us. They beat us. They ran us over. We tried to run away, but they blocked the streets and cornered us.”

“And then a few of us fight back, try to defend ourselves. That’s what they want. That way, they can call it a riot. That way, everything they do is justified. They can go on TV and talk to suburban white women about the lawlessness, and how they’re just keeping the order. No one cares that they fire first, no one cares that they commit most of the violence. No one fucking cares.”

“My friend, the guy they shot in the face, he didn’t do anything wrong. All he did was film them. And they shot him. They blinded him. Because he filmed them,” she says. “Fucking fascists.”

“I’m sorry,” I say.

“You know that shooter guy? I saw them talking to him, whispering things to him, before the gunshots. I think they told him to do what he did, because they couldn’t. I think they told him to murder us,” she says. “Because it isn’t about the law, and it isn’t about peace, it’s about power. We questioned them, we called them out, we stood up to them, and they hate that. They want us to be afraid of them, for them to be able to kill for shits and giggles and get promoted for it. And we said no, so they decided to make us pay. They want us to fear them, they want to beat us into submission so they can keep lynching black people without question.”

“But that isn’t going to happen. It will never happen. Every time they run us over, every time they beat us, every time they imprison journalists or blind us or gas us like we’re fucking insects, our resolve gets stronger. The world is going to change.”

19:06

My manager collapses in a chair and stays there, panting. “This stress is going to kill me,” she mutters. “Can’t have that. I have to work in the morning.

She doesn’t talk much, about her personal life. I’m not sure if she has a personal life, to be honest. She’s here every day, from open to close, working. Always working. And she hates it, she complains constantly, but she never quits.

All I know about her past is tidbits, minor details gleaned from offhand comments. She isn’t married, at least not anymore, and doesn’t have any kids. She’s been here for forty years and plans to work here until the day she dies. I asked her once if she’d ever retire. She told me no, the restaurant would fall apart without her.

19:47

I break down at 7:47. It’s been building inside me, all day, the rage. Like a mineshaft full of flammable gas, the canary dead, waiting for a spark. And I get the spark when I pass my manager’s TV one more time.

Her favorite pundit is on again, talking about the shooter. About the guy who gunned down two unarmed protesters while the police watched. And what he says, it’s fucking vile.

“The chaos that is sweeping this country has reached its inevitable conclusion. Three people were shot, two of them have died,” he says. “This happened because the police have treated these rioters with kid gloves. Our cities have descended into anarchy because the authorities abandoned the people. Are we really surprised that looting and arson accelerated to murder? How shocked are we that patriots with rifles decided they had to maintain order when no one else would?"

I pick up the TV and smash it on the ground. I pray that the pundit gets hit by a car. And then the bell rings and I run back to the counter to help a customer. He’s an old man with a white beard and a red hat. And he isn’t wearing a mask, because of course he isn’t.

“What can I get you,” I say quickly.

“What?” he says.

“What can I get you?” I shout.

He says his order and I type it into the machine. I make a mistake, punch my counter, and restart the transaction. By now, a small line has formed behind the old man. I take his money, throw him back his change, and slam his silverware down on the counter.

“I’d think you’d be a little more respectful, considering the fact that I pay your salary,” the old man says.

“Uh-huh.”

“You know, that’s what’s wrong with this world. Kids like you who don’t respect anything. Don’t respect the customer, don’t respect the police, don’t respect the flag-”

“Have a nice day, sir,” I say.

“Let me talk to your manager,” he says, arms crossed.

“What?” I ask.

“Get your manager, now.”

I punch the counter again. “No,” I say.

“Excuse me?”

“Sit down, and eat your food.”

“You want to take this outside?”

“Sit down and eat your goddamn food!” I shout.

The restaurant goes silent. Everyone stares at me. My manager limps up to the counter. “Take a walk,” she says.

“I’m fine,” I say.

“Take a walk,” she repeats.

As I walk away from the counter, I tear off my mask and throw it on the floor.

20:02

I sit on the hood of my car, staring at the sky. I see no stars behind the smog. I take a deep breath.

“You dropped this,” my friend says as she tosses me my mask. I sigh and put it back on. “You okay.”

“I’m fine,” I say.

“You sure? Because-”

“I said I’m fine,” I snap. “Sorry. That was mean. You didn’t deserve that.”

“It’s okay, dude. What’s eating you?”

I sigh. “It’s been an awful year,” I say. “2020, the nightmare that just won’t end! We’ve got a pandemic that’s killed, fuck I don’t even know how many we’re at, we’ve got rampant police brutality, millions of people being thrown out on the streets, a president who’s about to commit a coup, half the nation is burning down, we’re at the beginning of a goddamn holocaust-”

“It’s been a shitty year.”

“And no one cares. Nobody cares.”

“People care.”

“No, they don’t! If they cared, they’d wear masks. And they don’t. Because they can’t be bothered to mildly inconvenience themselves, even if it could save hundreds of lives. And don’t get me started on the fucking police.”

“You’re wearing a mask, though.”

“But I’m just one person.”

“But it isn’t just one person. Look at what we see in the streets, millions of people risking their lives to peacefully fight for their rights. We aren’t alone. And, sure, our customers suck, but we’re a shitty restaurant that attracts the worst of humanity. Don’t write the world off because some of our customers are stupid.”

“It’s not stupidity. Stupidity frees them from blame. It’s ignorance in a world where every book ever written is in the palm of your hand. It’s a choice, to look away from the car crash and pretend it didn’t happen. They don’t believe that the pandemic is real, they don’t believe that racism is alive, they don’t believe that fucking global warming is going to kill our children. Because acknowledging reality is scary. It forces you to live in a world that is broken. So they pretend the world is fine. They’re hiding in Plato's cave, staring at shadows because the trees scare them. They’re like infants, unable to comprehend that things still exist when they leave your sight. Except they’re choosing to be infants. Because they’re scared, and they’d rather have a million innocent people die than be afraid.”

I slam my fist on the hood of the car. “I feel like I’m losing my damn mind.” I say. “The world is ending and ninety percent of the country doesn’t care. And here I am, having a fucking breakdown, like I’m the crazy one.”

“You aren’t crazy,” my friend. “Although, it might be good for you to talk to someone-”

“I’m not crazy.”

“I didn’t say that-”

“I don’t need therapy, okay? Why would I need therapy? I’m not the one getting shot at, I’m not the one with a dozen family members killed by a plague, I’m not the one who’s homeless in a nation with millions of empty homes. I’m fine.”

“I don’t think you are.”

I slam my fist on the hood of the car again. “I don’t need therapy!” I shout. “I’m not crazy anymore. I am not broken!”

I look in my friend’s eyes and see fear. I slowly pull my hand away from the hood of the car and place it in my lap. “Okay, maybe I’m not okay,” I whisper.

“There’s no shame in not being okay,” my friend says.

“I know, I know. But what am I supposed to do? Walk into my therapist’s office and say, hey, what’s up, I’m holding on by a thread because I can’t stop watching videos of cops killing black people?”

I lean back and sigh. “I don’t know what to do, to be honest,” I say. “I feel so helpless. And I’m angry. I’m always so goddamn angry. At everything. At the world, at people, at myself. And it’s changing me, I’m becoming a different person. I’m becoming vindictive.”

“What do you mean?”

“The other day, I saw a headline about a politician. About an older guy, bit of an asshole, said this pandemic thing wasn’t a big deal back in April. I saw a headline about him dying, and I laughed,” I say. “What the fuck is wrong with me? I don’t sleep anymore, I just lie in bed, reading about people dying, fantasizing about hurting those responsible. And I’d never do it, I’m too much of a coward. But I think about it, constantly. I’m being pushed down a dark path and I’m scared of where it leads.”

20:20

When I go back into the restaurant, she’s sitting in the back. Her mask lies at her feet and her skin is pale. Sweat drips down her forehead. “It’s so hot in here,” she mumbles.

“I’m so sorry about earlier,” I say. “I lost my temper and handled things poorly. It won’t happen ever again-”

“Do you think that you’re the first person to ever be angry? The first person to get mad at the world?” she wheezes. “The world sucks, life is cruel, and it will never get better. That’s reality. It’s awful, but that’s no excuse to be an asshole. You just have to keep going, day after day, and pray that it gets better.”

“What if it doesn’t?”

“It won’t. But wallowing in despair over it only makes you miserable,” she says. “Get back to work. The owner will be in tomorrow to talk to you. Personally, I hope you get to keep your job. You’re a good kid.”

Those are the last words she ever speaks to me. When I go back to clock out at the end of my shift, I find her lying on the ground, a statue. I check her pulse, even though I know I won’t find it. After calling an ambulance, I scrub my hands until they bleed.

That night, as I lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, I think of the wildfires raging outside the city. I imagine them spreading, consuming everything in their path, turning the world to ash so a new world can be built on the remains. I dream of fire.

[yooka-kazooie]

liveblog of me watching the sonic movie courtesy of me yell-typing at my friend on discord

#long post #spoilers 

6:48 PM] Me: well guess I'm gonna rent it on cable [6:50 PM] Me: ok so far the cc works [6:50 PM] Me: which is good news on optimum [6:50 PM] Friend: good [6:50 PM] Me: upp spoke too soon [6:50 PM] Me: where did the cc go [6:51 PM] Me: first the sound didn't work and now the cc goes I keep having to close the movie and resume [6:51 PM] Me: I already dont know this owl character [6:51 PM] Me: like I'm not a HUGE fan of sonic but who is she [6:51 PM] Friend: I don't think she was in the games [6:52 PM] Friend: just an owl who adopted sonic [6:52 PM] Me: oh no is she from the original archie comics [6:52 PM] Me: I've also never seen sonic younger than like 15 [6:52 PM] Friend: no idea [6:52 PM] Me: were those echidnas [6:53 PM] Friend: the old sonic show (the good one) had an episode where sonic goes back in time and meets himself as a kid [6:53 PM] Me: oh good he's a cop good /s [6:53 PM] Me: the urkel one? [6:53 PM] Friend: yeah echidnas [6:53 PM] Friend: yeah [6:53 PM] Friend: there were two urkel ones [6:54 PM] Friend: aired at the same time [6:54 PM] Friend: or same year [6:54 PM] Me: he was in both of them??? [6:54 PM] Friend: yep [6:54 PM] Me: I never watched the "good one" [6:54 PM] Me: sat am? [6:54 PM] Friend: yeah [6:54 PM] Me: yeah I literally never saw it [6:54 PM] Friend: I think [6:54 PM] Me: til Nostalgia Critic [6:57 PM] Me: did crazy carl's drawing look like sanic I can't rewind with ondemand [6:58 PM] Friend: yes it did [7:05 PM] Me: whoops sonic emp [7:07 PM] Me: I assume these old people are describing eggman [7:07 PM] Me: so eggman is human [7:08 PM] friend: yeah [7:10 PM] Me: whos stone [7:10 PM] Me: like did Eggman need a human y.. [7:10 PM] Me: wait is he a robot [7:10 PM] Me: "a human yesman" is what I was going to say [7:10 PM] Me: it seems weird to me that he'd pay a human yesman instead of building a robot yesman [7:11 PM] friend: to be fair he has a human yesman in that old show too [7:11 PM] Me: the show I didnt watch? [7:11 PM] friend: yeah [7:11 PM] Me: I watched the pumpkin show [7:11 PM] Me: and sonic boom cartoon [7:12 PM] Me: and I played sonic adventure 2 [7:12 PM] Me: and sonic 06 [7:13 PM] Me: I'm just letting you know what I know [7:13 PM] Me: what sonic media I've consumed [7:13 PM] Me: I never played the 2D games [7:13 PM] Me: never saw Sonic Sat Am [7:14 PM] Me: uhh meow [7:14 PM] Me: oh neat I didn't know that's how the rings would work [7:14 PM] Friend: lol nice to know where you are in the movie [7:15 PM] Me: donut lord shouldn't be so confused this is at least his second time finding a small talking furry animal-like creature [7:15 PM] Me: I'm sorry but the fact that this dude had the same role in hop is hilarious [7:15 PM] Me: how do you get typecast like that [7:16 PM] Me: "where are the mushrooms and why am I still on earth" is a mood [7:16 PM] Me: his eyes are cool looking [7:16 PM] Me: I can't remember what the old design looked like and I'm scared to look it up [7:17 PM] Me: did I tell you someone proved that it wasn't a stunt and that was the actual real design [7:17 PM] friend: someone told me that [7:17 PM] Me: because they found the merch they were making and they actually made some with the old design [7:17 PM] Me: that was intentional [7:18 PM] Me: oh I like those videogame control gloves [7:18 PM] Me: they need to make those for VR [7:21 PM] Me: raccoons are so cute [7:21 PM] Me: I want one for a pet [7:23 PM] Me: no I'm calling it, Stone is secretly a robot [7:25 PM] Me: the more he says mushroom planet the more I realize it's a nintendo joke [7:25 PM] Me: the mushroom planet has to be the mushroom kingdom [7:25 PM] Me: he doesn't want to go where mario lives [7:26 PM] Me: now I want mushrooms (food) [7:26 PM] Friend: every time he talks about the mushroom planet I want them to make a nintendo cinematic universe [7:26 PM] Me: man Sonic's individual quills look weird? [7:27 PM] Me: whenever I focus on them [7:27 PM] Me: not that bad but it's weird [7:28 PM] Friend: the ones still on his body? I know the one not on his body was never changed [7:28 PM] Me: yeah the ones on him [7:28 PM] Me: it's fine looking when I don't focus on them [7:29 PM] Me: this movie has Antman vibes [7:29 PM] Me: similar humor [7:35 PM] Me: hipsters how do you even convince someone you're not that lol [7:35 PM] Me: oh here we go first standstill [7:36 PM] Me: it's really cool actually, like that one xmen scene [7:36 PM] Me: god that is just ridiculously fast [7:36 PM] Me: so far this movie is better than it looked [7:37 PM] Me: especially before the redesign [7:37 PM] Me: ugh [7:37 PM] friend: I do wonder how much, if any, the story changed with the design [7:37 PM] Me: I'm just guessing that it's the same but there could have been more changes [7:39 PM] Me: ok if mushroom world has no breathable air I'd say that's not a safe place to go [7:39 PM] Me: for sonic??? [7:40 PM] Friend: I do question how a planet full of mushrooms can have enough oxygen in it. there must be something producing more oxygen though [7:41 PM] Me: if Stone isn't a robot that eggman built I hope he's paid well [7:41 PM] Me: he literally just said it doesn't have breathable air [7:41 PM] Friend: I thought he said it did [7:42 PM] Me: ... [7:42 PM] Me: I can't rewind [7:42 PM] Me: a babysitter is infinitely better than a cop tho [7:42 PM] Me: acab [7:44 PM] Me: does he go super sonic in this [7:44 PM] Me: like gold [7:45 PM] Me: aaand he's flossing [7:45 PM] Me: how old is sonic [7:45 PM] Me: is this a child [7:45 PM] friend: idk they should have mentioned it somewhere [7:46 PM] Me: are those children fighting over a switch or a tablet [7:46 PM] Me: jesus sonic just killed eggman [7:46 PM] Me: like I understand but [7:46 PM] Me: oh he waasn't in that one [7:46 PM] Me: I guess [7:49 PM] Me: it seems weird that that exploded [7:49 PM] Me: what if it killed sonic [7:49 PM] Me: what if it damaged the remains [7:49 PM] Me: didnt eggman want to study him [7:50 PM] Me: ok well eggman just called Stone a human being so I hope he's being paid well [7:53 PM] Me: ok how is it fun to be chased by a holographic dinosaur [7:53 PM] Me: I literally have nightmares that are that [7:53 PM] Me: except in nightmares you can feel terror and pain [7:56 PM] Me: are those the shoes that had a deal with sonic adventure 2 [7:57 PM] Me: ah man this is the kinda guy who would either get fired because he's too good to be a cop or be corrupted by getting the job [7:57 PM] Me: I've been reading a lot of stories of what happens to "good cops" lately [7:58 PM] Me: and either they get fired for not being terrible or they become terrible [7:58 PM] Me: remember there are no good cops [7:59 PM] friend: well that is going to change soon [7:59 PM] friend: or it better [7:59 PM] Me: no more cops [7:59 PM] Me: abolish cops [7:59 PM] Me: freedom [8:03 PM] Me: oooo he called him eggman [8:03 PM] Me: took me a second to realize that wasn't just his name [8:03 PM] friend: he is eggman in japan and robotnic in america [8:04 PM] Me: I just think of him as Dr Eggman Robotnic [8:04 PM] Me: like bowser is King Bowser Koopa [8:04 PM] Me: Princess Peach Toadstool [8:04 PM] Me: ... I wasn't paying attention did sonic's speed just fail [8:05 PM] Me: *ring get noise* Me: oh no how many of those rings does he have [8:07 PM] Me: like not an infinite amount [8:07 PM] Me: wait [8:07 PM] Me: aren't the pyramids like [8:07 PM] Me: next to a city [8:08 PM] Me: and not in the middle of endless sand [8:08 PM] friend: yeah [8:09 PM] friend: from pictures there does seem to be a lot of sand around them [8:10 PM] Me: its the angle [8:10 PM] Me: the pyramids are like [8:10 PM] Me: inbetween endless sand and a city [8:10 PM] friend: sure [8:10 PM] Me: well he's going Blue Super Sonic [8:10 PM] Me: still not gold/yellow [8:11 PM] friend: well he does need all the chaos emeralds to go gold [8:12 PM] Me: so what is this form called [8:12 PM] Me: canonically [8:12 PM] friend: idk [8:12 PM] Me: blue lightning sonic [8:13 PM] friend: all that comes up is a truck [8:14 PM] Me: try tvtropes [8:17 PM] Me: well they're treating him like a child? I think? [8:17 PM] Me: like they adopted him [8:17 PM] Me: he's flossing and has a racecar bed [8:17 PM] Me: I think he's a child??? [8:18 PM] Me: hye look its eggman [8:18 PM] Me: he's gonna be so pissed when he gets back [8:18 PM] Me: pff stone isn't a human anymore [8:18 PM] Me: I guess the air is breathable [8:18 PM] Me: how does he get fat on msuhroom world [8:19 PM] Me: are the mushrooms edible [8:19 PM] friend: I would hope at least some of them are [8:19 PM] Me: wait why did he shave [8:19 PM] Me: I saw him do it but it's not explained why [8:19 PM] Me: did he get gum in his hair what did I miss [8:20 PM] friend: well if his mustache is any indication his hair might have gotten... idk weird, so he shaved it [8:21 PM] friend: remember end credit scenes [8:21 PM] Me: ah mood [8:21 PM] Me: I'm watching the credits yes [8:21 PM] Me: I mean I feel like shaving my head would feel infinitely weirder so I just buzz it short but mood [8:21 PM] friend: idr if there was a thing at the very end of the credits [8:21 PM] Me: oh here we go some woods TAILS [8:21 PM] Me: NO [8:21 PM] Me: they had to redesign tails [8:21 PM] Me: too [8:21 PM] Me: wait [8:21 PM] Me: uh [8:21 PM] Me: that was [8:21 PM] Me: really fast for tails [8:22 PM] Me: I guess he's not as fast as sonic but he's not supposed to be that fast [8:22 PM] Me: aaand more credits [8:22 PM] friend: well he can be fast in the games [8:23 PM] Me: he was slow in sonic boom cartoon [8:23 PM] Me: maybe???

[thecapitaladvisor]

Alfred Winslow Jones: O criador dos Hedge Funds

O australiano Alfred Winslow Jones começou a investir aos 48 anos e marcou seu nome na história da administração de riscos dos mercados ao criar o primeiro fundo de hedge. Sociólogo e diplomata, o criador dos Hedge Funds tinha pouca experiência em investimentos, mas possuía uma compreensão do risco de mercado maior do que todos os investidores da época. Embora o primeiro fundo de cobertura não se pareça com a maioria dos que estão em operação hoje, Alfred Winslow Jones fazia o uso como ninguém dos conceitos de Hedge. Tanto que ficou conhecido como o pai dos hedge funds ao usar a seu favor a relação entre ações individuais e o mercado. Uma das formas para ganhar dinheiro com os investimentos é modelar a mentalidade dos grandes investidores de sucesso da bolsa e replicar os seus acertos. Se você deseja alcançar a sua independência financeira, a melhor forma é saber como investir na bolsa de valores com sucesso. "Hedging é uma ferramenta especulativa usada para fins conservadores". - Alfred Winslow Jones Então, você está pronto para saber quem é Alfred Winslow Jones e conhecer suas estratégias de investimentos? Leia até o final e descubra agora como investir melhor o seu dinheiro.

Quem é Alfred Winslow Jones?

Alfred Winslow Jones foi um investidor e gestor de fundos de hedge. Antes disso também atuou como sociólogo, diplomata e jornalista. Considerado como o "pai dos hedge funds", iniciou sua carreira na bolsa de valores apenas aos 48 anos. Entre suas lições mais importantes está a percepção de que poderia usar técnicas especulativas para fins conservadores. Atualmente esse tipo de operação é comum, mas no final da década de 40 ainda era novidade. Vida e carreira Alfred Winslow Jones nasceu em 9 de setembro de 1900, em Melbourne, na Austrália. Filho de um executivo da General Electric e de sua esposa, Elizabeth Huntington, se mudou para os Estados Unidos com sua família quando ainda tinha 4 anos. Em 1923 se formou na Harvard College e foi trabalhar como tesoureiro de um navio mercante. Depois passou a integrar o Serviço de Diplomacia dos Estados Unidos. No início dos anos 30, se tornou vice-cônsul na embaixada dos EUA em Berlim na época da ascensão de Hitler ao poder. Voltou para os Estados Unidos e se matriculou na Universidade de Columbia, onde concluiu seu doutorado em sociologia em 1941. Sua tese, “Life, Liberty and Property” tratava das atitudes tomadas por uma firma de Akron, no estado de Ohio. A revista Fortune se interessou e acabou publicando diversos trechos do trabalho. Winslow se juntou ao editorial da Fortune e de 1941 a 1946 foi editor da revista tendo contato mais direto com a rotina dos mercados. Ao escrever o artigo “Fashions in Forecasting”, em tradução livre "Modas na previsão" observou mais a fundo as análises de ações, tendo suas primeiras ideias para seu fundo. Em 1949, Alfred Winslow Jones fundou a AW Jones com um capital de US$ 100 mil, sendo US$ 40 mil de seu próprio bolso e US$ 60 mil de amigos.  Sua ideia era minimizar o risco mantendo posições de ações de longo prazo e vendendo outras ações a curto prazo. Estratégia agora conhecida como Long / Short. Alfred Winslow Jones morreu em sua casa em Redding, Califórnia, em 2 de junho de 1989.  Nome Completo: Alfred Winslow Jones; Data de nascimento: 9 de setembro de 1900; Nacionalidade: Australiano; Ocupações: investidor, gestor de fundos de hedge, sociólogo e diplomata. Banner will be placed here

Como Alfred Winslow Jones Ficou Rico?

Alfred Winslow Jones ficou rico investindo na Bolsa com a estratégia atualmente conhecida como Long / Short, mas que foi conceituada e implantada por Jones na década de 40. Para ele, sua grande vantagem era estar sempre "coberto". Um pouco antes de publicar seu artigo “Fashions in Forecasting”, na Fortune, Jones fundou o AW Jones & Co. A pesquisa que ele conduziu para o artigo o fascinou e foi fundamental para que criasse seu próprio fundo de investimento. A teoria geral dos mercados de ações da época era que todas as informações eram precificadas o tempo todo. Ou seja, qualquer queda ou aumento nas bolsas de valores estava associado a eventos simultâneos. A estratégia criada por Jones para ganhar dinheiro no mercado acionário por si só, era simples.  Ele comprou tantas ações quanto vendeu, de modo que, independentemente do desempenho do mercado, seu portfólio sempre seria "coberto". Jones combinou duas ferramentas especulativas para criar um esquema de investimento conservador.  Ele usou alavancagem para comprar mais ações e a venda a descoberto para minimizar o risco de mercado.  Hoje, usar operações especulativas e arriscadas com fins conservadores é comum. Mas na década de 40, ainda era novidade. Logo no primeiro ano, seu fundo gerou 17,9% ​​para os investidores. O desempenho de Alfred Winslow continuou surpreendente ao longo dos anos. Em dez anos, sua estratégia foi 44% superior que a média dos fundos mútuos. Enquanto estes fizeram 358%, o fundo de Jones fez 670%. O artigo da Fortune de abril de 1966, The Jones Nobody Keep Up With, de Carol Loomis mostra o gráfico de desempenho de Jones no período de dez anos até maio de 1965:

rendimento do fundo de Alfred Winslow Jones. Fonte: Gurufocus Durante os primeiros 20 anos de operação da AW Jones, o retornou foi de quase 5000%. Um investimento de US$ 10 mil em 1949 valeria US$ 480 mil vinte anos depois.  Dos 34 anos sob gestão de Jones, os investidores perderam dinheiro em apenas 3.

Onde Alfred Winslow Jones Investe

Alfred Winslow Jones desenvolveu um método para rastrear a volatilidade das ações, e assim, tomar as melhores decisões para investir. A essa métrica ele deu o nome de 'Velocity', o agora chamado de índice beta.  Para medir o quão perto uma ação se move contra o mercado, sua equipe trabalhava com gráficos à mão com pelo menos cinco pontos altos ou baixos.  Portanto, em um portfólio protegido, o Beta de todas as posições longas deveria cancelar o Beta de todas as posições vendidas.

Estratégia de Investimentos de Alfred Winslow Jones

A estratégia de investimentos de Alfred Winslow Jones foi usar técnicas especulativas para fins conservadores, criando assim o primeiro fundo coberto. Usando seu conhecimento de estatística, Jones desenvolveu uma medida de risco para gerenciar melhor a exposição de seu portfólio.  Basicamente, Alfred entrava em uma posição comprada alavancada e em outra na direção contrária, vendida a descoberto. Tanto suas compras, quanto suas vendas tinham de envolver o mesmo montante no total. Separadas, as duas operações poderiam ser consideradas arriscadas e de caráter altamente especulativo. Mas juntas, numa proporção de papéis similar, uma protegia a outra, resultando em um portfólio conservador. Com isso, ele conseguia reduzir significativamente o risco do mercado. Além de ter a possibilidade de ganhar nas duas pontas, seja pela valorização das ações compradas, uma vez que já as detinha. Ou pela queda dos papéis vendidos a descoberto, pois poderia adquiri-los por valor inferior. Para realizar o Hedge, a estratégia de Jones se resume à: Alavancagem;Venda a descoberto;Long/short.

Livros de Alfred Winslow Jones

Alfred Winslow Jones trabalhou como editor na revista Fortune de 1941 a 1946, onde escreveu artigos relevantes para o mercado. Entre eles, o intitulado “Modas na Previsão”, de março de 1949, apresentando vários tipos de estratégias de investimento baseadas em regras. O que era para ser um artigo simples, o conduziu a iniciar o primeiro "hedge funds" do mundo. Alfred Winslow Jones também é autor do livro: Life, liberty, and property: A story of conflict and a measurement of conflicting rights. No qual o então estudante de graduação da Columbia University, entrevistou 1.705 habitantes de Akron, Ohio, a fim de avaliar atitudes em relação às grandes corporações. ‘Vida, Liberdade e Propriedade’ relata os comentários reais dos entrevistados que geraram uma gama de questões públicas em um momento crítico da história, a Segunda Guerra Mundial.

Frases de Alfred Winslow Jones

Veja abaixo algumas das frases de Alfred Winslow Jones: “Uma ilusão é que a venda a descoberto é de alguma forma mais perigosa do que comprar uma ação por um preço. Um estoque pode subir até o infinito e diminuir apenas para zero. Não há perigo que não possa ser provido por diversificação adequada”. "O método padrão e antiquado de prever o curso do mercado de ações é primeiro examinar fatos e números externos ao próprio mercado e, em seguida, examinar os preços das ações para ver se são altos ou baixos demais".

Conclusão

Alfred Winslow Jones é tido como o pai dos hedge funds. Embora tenha caído de paraquedas no mundo dos investimentos, sua leitura da relação entre as ações e o mercado o colocaram entre os grandes investidores de sucesso. Em apenas cinco anos, a A.W. Jones obteve uma rentabilidade média que superou os fundos mútuos em cerca de 44%. A alta rentabilidade das operações de Winslow passou a chamar atenção e renderam popularidade à estratégia chamada de “hedge fund” em uma matéria da Fortune 17 anos depois. Quase três anos depois da publicação, já eram contabilizados cerca de 140 hedge funds no mercado norte-americano. A indústria de fundos de hedge agora conta com cerca de 11 mil fundos em todo o mundo, adotando várias estratégias diferentes, alguns nem sequer fazem hedge. Embora muitos fundos de hedge atual não se pareçam em nada com os de Jones, seu legado resiste ao tempo.  Afinal, ele também é o responsável pela estrutura de participação nos lucros de 20% das taxas de desempenho dos fundos.  A ele também é creditada a criação do 'Beta', o qual ele se referia como 'Velocity'. Conheça mais da trajetória dos Grandes Investidores de Sucesso e Suas Estratégias Vencedoras. Read the full article