#long story but basically i thought she did something that would damage my relationship w someone we know and i asked her if she did it and

[pepprs]

my mom was just mean to me for like no fucking reason lol. day ruined

[icouldntfinditsoiwroteit]

Story 1

At the moment I may or may not be a bit obsessed with One Piece without even watching the anime, and I'm even more obsessed with Sanji and the Vinsmokes in general, so I thought of four story ideas with a reader insert, two will be romantic and the last two will be platonic.

1. Aracne

Fem Reader X Vinsmoke quadruplets.

Soulmate au (red string, sort of)

Sneak peek.

In this Au Reader is a Third, her family has webbed countless portraits for the Vinsmoke family, she goes with her older brother in order to further her practice and experience in webbing a portrait.

She is four years older then the quadruplets and one year older than Reiju.

Story time

*Big brother says I need to be careful with the Vinsmokes, they don't act bad but I don't like how their eyes look and I feel dizzy when I look at them, although brother said that it was sea sickness,* (F/N) thought while she carried some of the webbing material behind her brother.

Her brother had three spider arms and one pair of human arms while she has tree pair of human arms and one pair of spider ones.

*Mother always says how we are total opposites in not only personality but also in bodies just like the Mrabara,* (F/N) remembered.

"Brother,"

"Yes?" They had already arrived to the webbing room.

"What is a Mrabara?" (F/N) moved to one side for her face to be visible.

"W-Where did you hera that word?" Brother's face was twisted in nervous worry.

"Mom,"

"Oh thank god," His face relaxed.

"Is there something wrong with Mrabara?"

"It's a mature word," Brother tried to explain.

"I'm mature," (F/N) pouted following her brother who had entered the webbing room.

"Never said you weren't.......just don't say it in front of Clío and if you do tell her mom taught you the word," Brother said while he started to prepare the webbing station.

"Come help me with this (F/N),"

Four hours later.

"Are you listening (F/N)?"

"Yeah," (F/N) muttered in her seat while she watched her brother web.

"What did I just say then?" Brother looked at her and smiled playfully.

".............."

"You already bored, don't you usually last for 7 whole hours?" Her brother gave her a worried look.

"I don't know," (F/N) really wanted to walk outside but she didn't know why, she loved webbing to the point that in her lessons they had to remind her to eat, although they said that it was normal.

"Tell you what, I'll ask for something to eat, meanwhile go and retrieve my webbing book," (F/N) lightened up at the thought of walking outside.

"Ok," (F/N) bolted to the door.

"Stick to the route we came from," Her brother reminded and she just nodded in agreement before she opened the door and left the room.

When she left the room she bumped into someone slightly smaller than her, she caught the stranger before they could fall to the ground.

"Are you ok? I'm so sorry," She looked at the stranger who had yellow hair.

"Hello?" She asked after stopping herself from apologizing again when she received no answer, the boy was frozen.

"S-S-So-orry-Sorry," The boy whispered.

"Why are you apologizing?" She then gasped recognizing the prince.

"Your highness, I'm so sorry," She apologized again.

Before she could keep apologizing they heard some footsteps approaching them and then someone calling out.

"Sanji!!" The boy stiffened at the voice calling his name, he took (F/N)'s hand and ran.

(F/N) followed along until they reached a dead end, she could see how the little boy was trembling and heard how the taunts and footsteps where still following them, but something good was that the dead end had a window.

She took out of her pockets a thread serger that had spider web her family told her to always carry with her, she roped the thread around the boy to create a small harness.

"I'm going to get you down there," The boy only looked at her in shock.

She pushed the window open and put the boy in the ledge of the window, under the window was a small bush where he could easily hide.

"Be very quiet," She said as she pushed the boy and started to let him down as fast as she could, the steps where getting closer and closer.

Luckily she felt the boy reach the ground a few second before the chasers reached her, but she only had time to throw her end or the thread and close the window.

"SANJI!!" She turned around in surprise and saw that a bow with green hair had yelled that.

*It's the princes,* (F/N) noted when the last two boys rounded the corner.

"Ichiji, this is just a girl," The blue haired one whined.

The red haired boy glared and (F/N) felt shivers when she made eye contact.

"Oi, where did Sanji go?" The green haired boy asked.

(F/N) only shacked her head.

"Then what is a insect like you doing here?" The blue haired one asked.

"Looking out the window?" (F/N) gave a look of "seriously", this seemed to anger them.

"An lowlife doesn't need to see out the window, maybe we should use this one since we can't find Sanji," The blue haired one was clearly the most volatile.

"(F/N) what are you doing here?" Came her brother's cold voice.

"Brother, I just wanted to look out the window," (F/N) explained while the boys turned around and their grins disappeared when they saw her brother.

"Young princes, I will be taking my sister with me now," He greeted politely.

(F/N) immediately followed him not looking behind, this made her brother the only one who saw the red strings tied to her pinkies.

Au info dump

In this Au there is a species called Aracne, this species is a hybrid between a spider and human, there are different forms a Aracne can be born into such as seconds, thirds and fourths, although the form is respective to the family they come from.

Seconds

As the name says, they are basically half spider and half humans, the spider humans is always the lower, members of this species are considered either as builders since due to their form it would be incredible dangerous for the to go into the sea and their silk is the strongest and more resistant or as knowledge guardians (librarians) and they have the most elders since they have the longer lifespan. They can also be seen as teachers and caretakers too, they are also the ones who take care of the security alongside the Fourths, there is usually two of them per family they take the role as grandparents or simply mentors although the last one is extremely rare and two is just the minimum but unofficially they take care of all family's since they most probably took care of them as children. Their bites are fatal and will take your life in less than a minute and can dissolve any surface.

Thirds

Their humanoid features are more dominant than the spider ones, in this form they possess either one, two or three pairs of arms and the rest takes the form of a spider leg that is always in their lower backs. When it comes to females their web exit is in the middle of where the lowest spider legs find themselves this causes them to be incredibly flexible to reach for the web. They are considered the negotiators and commonly leave their homes to aid their nest's economy, this is usually trough them selling their services in making clothes, rugs and even portraits with their silk but this kind of service is only given to royalty or families considered sacred or that are friends with them. (It is considered a honor or sign of power to have one portrait since it is believed that they can predict the future). Their bite is also mortal but will take six minutes to kill an adult, although it has been used in some medicine that kind of works like chemo.

Fourths

They are the ones who exit their island the most in unofficial matters unlike the thirds, this is due to their forms being less evident and easier to hide, they are the ones in charge to keep the island updated in politics, economy, science and culture although some of them also accompany as guards the thirds when it comes to political exits, they only possess two to tree pairs of arms, their whole body possess small hard hair that allows them to still be able to climb webs like the other forms, their bite takes ten minutes to kill someone or if they are a strong human they can survive but not without any damage that is usually caused to their muscles, although their venom if processed correctly can be used to cure countless of sicknesses, this is a secret guarded with their lives in order to prevent their active hunt. They are also the buffest since they need to compensate their lack of spider legs with their strength.

More info

Skin and eye color varies an there is no consistence, when it comes to eyes Seconds may possess 8 to 6, Thirds 5 to 3 and Fourths possess 4 to 3, two eyes is incredibly rare and only happens when someone is born from a Fourth and a human, hybrids are born from the union of two different forms, the Aracne are not against romantic relationship between different forms but when it comes to reproduce they worry, if a fourth became pregnant with a Second or Third they will die during the pregnancy or in childbirth since the baby's form will be mixed and the Fouth's body cannot handle it, same goes for a Third with a Fourth although there are higher chances of survival there is still the possibility of some life damage occurring, Seconds are the ones who can carry in a less dangerous way the offspring of the lover but due to the Second's anatomy a Fourth's baby has a 85% of chance to die and a Fourth's has a 50% chance to die in the womb.

If the hybrid is born healthy they are raised normally but health issues will come in the future if they aren't born with them already, although there are cases where hybrids manage to enjoy a full life, they still needed medical help to manage it.

There is a lot less danger if the child is a mix between a Aracne and a human, since a human's gene would only water down the child's form a long as it is the Aracne who carries, if it where the human they will die if they carrie the offspring of a Second or a Third, if it is a Fourth's child they carry it comes with less danger but their chance of survival is of less than 30%.

[takerfoxx]

Well, in honor of the Rebellion sequel FINALLY being announced, here’s something I was going to do today anyway! Here’s the second part of the crew of Walpurgis Nights watch The Rebellion Story, stretching from Madoka arriving at the school to Hitomi’s nightmare!

Note: I originally was going to write this as one big piece and release it all at once, but then I realized what a dumb idea that would be, so it’s going to get released in chunks as they’re finished.

Note the 2nd: Every time a prolonged conversation takes place, just assume that they’re pausing the movie to talk.

Reminder:

G=Gretchen

H=Homulilly

Op=Ophelia

Ok=Oktavia

Ca=Candeloro/Mami

Ch=Charlotte

...

G: You know, I can’t get over Tavi having legs, or Fee having hair.

Op: It does look good, I gotta say. Must’ve been a bitch to keep it looking so fresh though.

Ch: And probably sets fewer low-hanging branches alight or set off fewer sprinklers.

Op: As far as you know. That style is smokin’

…

H: Seeing all those boys is…weird.

Ch: I know what you mean. I mean, I can picture what they look like, and I’ve seen recreations, but even still…

G: It is interesting to think about. I mean, here it’s perfectly normal for girls to get into relationships with other girls. But there girls like us would be a minority.

Op: Can’t imagine why. Now that I’m seeing them…not really getting the appeal. They don’t even have tits!

Ch: I guess you had to be there.

Ok: Hey, is it true that girls who liked other girls got picked on a lot?

Ca: Well, that’s an oversimplification of a serious problem, and I certainly never saw it happen. But then, I was a little…sheltered. And yes, in some places of the world, that does unfortunately happen. And worst.

G: Poor girls.

Ch: And guys. It happens to the gay guys too.

Op: I never got the gay thing. I mean, using the word as an insult. Like, why would that even be something to be ashamed of?

Ca: That’s…a really complicated question, and I’m not sure I’m really qualified to explain.

G: Well, I think they’re just being silly! I don’t see how anyone could see anything wrong with this!

=Gretchen leans over to give Homulilly a small kiss on the lips. Homulilly is more than happy to reciprocate=

Op: GAAAAY!

=Homulilly smacks Ophelia upside the head=

Ca: All of…that aside, I have to say, this is sort of nostalgic.

Ch: Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?

Ca: Oh, relax. I mean, just this. The school. The girls and the boys. The uniforms. Don’t worry, I’m not going to be struck with an uncontrollable desire for penis.

Op: Though if you do, I know a girl who-

Ca: Thank you, Ophelia. Please don’t finish that thought.

…

Op: Ha. Still a rebel, even then.

Ca: You were. You definitely were. Even more than this version. At least this version of you is going to school.

Op: And Tavi’s the goody-goody, sneaking off…hold up.

Ok: What?

Op: Rewind it a bit.

Ch: Okay…?

Op: So, does this version of me and Oktavia…do we live together?

Ch: Huh?

H: What?

Op: How would she know about me slacking on my homework after school if she wasn’t there? Like, in the same house?

Ca: W-Well, friends visit after school, sometimes to work on homework…

Ok: No, I’m going with Ophelia. We were totally shacking up. I mean, look at us. Look how irritated I am with her. That is love.

Ca: Girls, I hate to burst your bubble, but nobody was actually dating anyone back then.

Op: Oh, come on! Look at us!

Ok: Yeah, I mean the only other explanation is…

=silence=

Op: Is what? What are you…Oh, my God.

G: What’s wrong?

=Ophelia and Oktavia both start to look very uncomfortable=

Op: Candy, tell us the honest truth here: are we sisters?

Ca: What?!

Ch: Oh my God, I’m not hearing this.

Op: If you hid it so we wouldn’t freak out, I understand, but we really need to know-

Ca: No! No, you are not sisters, and you did not live together in our timeline! You knew each other for little over a month when we died, and only really got along for about two weeks!

Op: Oh, thank the flames.

Ok: Whew.

Ca: Seriously, what’s wrong with you? I already told you your stories.

G: Yeah, and Hitomi’s known Oktavia and me for a very long time! I think she’d mention it if you two were related.

H: Plus you look nothing alike. At all.

Ok: Okay! Okay! It was a momentary slip of stupid! We panicked! Leave us alone.

H: Would you two have stopped dating if it turned out you were related?

=Ophelia and Oktavia exchange looks=

Op: Probably not.

Ok: Nope.

Ch: Great. Now that we’ve established yet again how degenerate you two are, can we please continue the movie?

…

G: Huh?

Ok: What’s her deal?

Ca: I…kind of remember her? She was a teacher, and I think I had her my first year. But it’s been so long that-

Op: This lady’s bugging.

Ch: Too many shots in her coffee.

Op: I don’t think that’s alcohol.

Ok: Look at the class. Look at us! We’re all as confused as…we are…huh.

Ch: Don’t think about it too hard.

Op: Okay, seriously! Who allowed this lady around children?

Ca: I can remember her being a little eccentric, but this is on a whole new level.

Ch: Well, as the first few minutes proved, this whole city’s totally drugged out of its mind.

G: Does she want the world to end?

Ok: You know, I’m kind of feeling her.

G: Eh?!

Ok: Okay, look! Way back in the day, before I had a reliable gig, I used to sub every now and then for the FIB’s music department, and let me tell you, after a couple days of trying to keep those sand crabs under control, the apocalypse wasn’t sounding too bad!

Ch: How bad does her class have to be for her to go that far off the deep end?

Ok: Well, me and Fee are in the class.

=Ophelia snickers=

G: Oh, I saw Hitomi!

H: Fantastic.

Ok: I thought you two were cool now.

H: Eh…

Ch: Hey, kids! It’s time to play, “Spot the important characters!”

Ca: Did our hair really stand out that much? I distinctly remember other kids having bright hair colors!

Ch: Well, if you have a bunch of characters that you’re only animating for one scene, then you gotta skimp on some of the details.

…

G: Oh, there you are, Lilly!

Ca: Okay, this part I remember as being fairly accurate.

H: Huh?

Ca: I mean the bit about you being a transfer student and having been in the hospital for a while.

H: Ah.

=pause=

H: My God, I look stupid.

G: Don’t say that! You look cute!

H: Did I really wear my hair like that?

Ca: Well, no. You wore it straight. And I don’t remember there being glasses.

…

Ca: This part…is different though.

G: Really? How so?

Ca: I didn’t know Homulilly before she showed up.

Op: Yeah, you talked about that before. She just sort of appeared out of nowhere one day?

Ca: Yes. And pretty much just…aggressively inserted herself into our group. I mean, she wasn’t rude about it, but…

H: I was a time-traveler trying to save the only person that had ever cared about me from a terrible fate and had already failed several times. No doubt I wanted to skip the pleasantries.

Ca: I’m s-sorry, I didn’t mean to imply anything negative.

H: No offense taken.

Ok: So basically, you had reloaded your save over and over and was skipping the cutscenes so you could get to work on the part you were having trouble on.

H: That is…a remarkably accurate way of putting it. At least I assume that was the reason. I don’t know anything other than I was told, and to be quite frank, I’m glad of it.

Op: Hear fuckin’ hear.

Ok: Cheers. Oh, uh, sorry, Candy.

Ca: Don’t worry about it.

…

Ok: Well, Candy’s really talking you up. Guess you were kind of an ass-kicker, Homulilly.

H: No, it’s like the other version of me said. I was probably in a support role.

Ch: What, with the time-stop thing?

H: Yes.

Ok: Support role, my scaly ass! That is like the most OP power ever! I mean, what could I do?

=pause=

Ok: Uh, that wasn’t a rhetorical question. Candy, what could I do?

Ca: Oh, uh. In addition to your sword, you could use boost pads to jump and heal very quickly.

Op: So a tank, basically.

Ok: See? Just take and give damage! Basic as hell! Now time-stop, that’s a power with some class!

Ch: Plus time-travel.

Ok: Yeah, that’s like the jackpot of unfair.

H: Didn’t do me any good. We all died anyway.

Op: We’re chilling in our expensive, two-story house in a really nice neighborhood watching all this on our expensive big-screen instead of getting our asses beat every night and worrying about homework. I’d say things worked out.

…

Op: GAAAAAAY!

Ca: Oh, come on. It’s just hand-holding.

Op: Look at that blush! Look at it!

H: She has a point. By all accounts I was already pretty infatuated with Gretchen.

=Gretchen blushes=

Ca: Fair enough. GAAAAAAY!

=group cracks up=

Op: Though, seriously. Were any of us straight?

Ca: Well, Oktavia did have that crush on that one boy that supposedly started the whole trouble, and I had a couple of crushes of my own.

Ok: Did you not see me earlier in the movie? I at the very least bisexual!

Op: Or Kyoko-sexual. Everyone’s gay for Kyoko! Even the boys are gay for Kyoko!

G: I don’t really know what that means.

Op: It means the boys find me incredibly attractive, but in a gay sort of way.

G: I still don’t know what that means!

=Oktavia leans over to whisper something in Gretchen’s ear. Gretchen’s eyes go wide=

G: Oooohhhh…

…

Ch: A month? So do the landscape shots just mean a time-skip?

Ok: Okay, we were joking just now, but this is pretty explicitly romantic.

H: As I said, it was at least on my end. Though I don’t understand why he has to be there.

Ca: He was always around, unfortunately. I’m mainly wondering why he’s being so quiet. Or catlike.

H: Why, was he talkative?

Ca: Very.

Op: Huh. Maybe that’s why we got Cheese. We were just used to the animal companion that wouldn’t shut the hell-

=Cheese starts screeching from the other room=

C: Pickinilly! Pickidelly! Picadely whore!

Ch: Great, now you’ve set him off.

=Cheese flies into the room and lands on Homulilly’s flower. She tries not to laugh as he prances about before spying the movie playing=

C: Rat bastard! Rat bastard! Rat bastard!

Op: Where’d he learn that? I didn’t teach him that.

C: Rat bastard! Rat bastard!

Ch: Oh, for the love of…Here, I’ll take him.

=Charlotte offers Cheese her arm, and takes him outside=

Op: I’ll say this: the bird might be a pain in the ass sometimes, but he is smart.

Ok: …did anyone else see the freaking dirigibles flying around in the background, or just me?

….

Op: Shit, those are a lot of airships. Hey, Candy-

Ca: No, those are new also.

Op: Something’s seriously off about this timeline, then.

Ch: Who the hell is that?

G: Oh! It’s Hitomi!

H: Of course it is.

Ch: Huh. Guess she does get more than a cameo.

Op: Jesus Christ, does her entire family all sleep in the same bed? You could fit an entire studio apartment into that thing!

G: Well, we were apparently all pretty well off.

Op: You had a normal-sized twin with a bunch of stuffed animals. She’s captaining the HMS Spoiled Rotten in there.

G: She’s not spoiled!

Op: Look, there are like three queen-sized beds between the six of us. You could put them all together and they still wouldn’t be as big as that monstrosity!

Ch: Isn’t she like living with three other girls now?

G: So? That doesn’t mean anything. Lots of people have roommates.

H: They’re dating.

G: What? What are you talking about? That’s silly to just assume-

Ok: Gretch. C’mon. It’s not a secret.

G: B-But-

Ok: Poly relationships happen all the time.

G: I…how did you find out?

Ok: You do know that I talk to her too, right? And honestly, you’re making more of it than she is.

G: I guess so.

Op: She should’ve brought that bigass bed with her, then. Gotten some use out of it.

…

H: Who’s she calling?

Ok: Oh boy.

Op: Well, well, well! Violin-boy!

Ok: Fantastic. Hey! I sold my soul for you! Hope it was worth it!

Ch: Er, you okay?

Ok: Yeah, I’m fine. I am pretty curious though.

Op: Oh! Stood the fuck up!

Ch: Wow, he just shot his own rich girlfriend down to play with his stringy stick!

Ok: Violins are way more than just stringy sticks! But yeah, he did shoot her right down, didn’t he? Starting to think I dodged a bullet.

H: You literally died.

Ok: I know what I said.

Op: I guess Hitomi dodged the same bullet. Traded in one deadbeat for three smokin’ hot girlfriends. Can’t see how that’s not a win!

G: Uh, her family? Whom she still remembers?

Op: Er…yeah. That’s a good point.

…

Op: Oh, she mad.

Ca: Teenage relationships are just like that sometimes. You feel all these big emotions and-Huh.

Ch: And you throw up yarn all over your room? What’s going on here?

Ok: We’re back on that weird shit again, aren’t we?

Op: Does she not notice any of this?

Ok: She just got shot down by her own boyfriend. Cut her some slack.

Op: Did the bed just…Okay, it ate her. It ate her and threw up even more yarn.

Ca: This is all getting very…witch-like.

G: I thought only Puella Magi could become witches.

Ca: So did I. But clearly my knowledge is very obsolete.

Op: Goddamn, Homulilly! You butterfly-effected the universe something crazy!

H: How is this my fault?

Ch: Oh, there’s another freaky teddy-bear. At least we know how they’re made.

Ok: Teenaged angst?

Ch: Most terrifying force known to mankind.

[aenariasbookshelf]

The untitled EndGame Fix-it Fic

So, as people have expressed interest in the EndGame fix-it story, here’s the first chapter of it.  I know that this story probably won’t be for everyone, especially if you liked the way EndGame played out, but it was downright cathartic for me to write it.  This first chapter does have a couple of hard conversations in there, but nothing worse than what we saw in the movie.  I think what I’m trying to do was hit some similar notes to EndGame, but in a way that felt more genuine and true to the characters in the way that I experience them.

(And yes, as the writer I can totally recycle a few concepts from other stories I’ve written, so there. ;)

Many thanks to everyone who’s taken a look at this story so far.  I love all of you. <3

Okay, here we go.  No title yet, but I have an idea...

Part One

The idea, time travel, to get the stones and bring them to the future, is set.  It’s a good plan, Steve says, out loud at least, because hope is in short supply these days.

It’s their only plan, he says to himself at night, tossing and turning in bed and wondering what the hell they were thinking with this cockamamie idea.  It’s not that he doesn’t trust Scott, he absolutely does, but time and dimensional travel?  At least when they traveled across the galaxy to kill Thanos, that was in a linear fashion.  Still, there’s that one little niggling doubt in his head, that he just can’t shake off.

That little lingering doubt is what causes him to sneak into Natasha’s office late at night, and use the heavy, long-range equipment in there to flag down Carol Danvers.  She may not be experienced with time travel (hell, none of them are - who could be an expert in time travel if they’ve only just managed to come up with it?), but her interstellar perspective on things may help him see through a different lens.

“And that’s where we stand.”

Steve spreads his hands out across the desk expansively as Carol’s holographic image looks on, mouth pursed and arms crossed.  “It’s...the plan that we’ve got.  It’s the only plan everyone can agree on.”

Carol nods, and Steve can tell her mind is working at top speeds.  Faster than his, at least, which isn’t hard to do at this time of night after days of not sleeping well.  “Can I ask the tough question?”

“Please.”

“You have a time machine, and you will have all the Infinity Stones.  Why not just turn the clock back and kick Thanos’ ass in 2018, with all the new knowledge you’ve gained?”

The billion dollar question, indeed.

Steve heaves a sigh, sitting back in the chair as he nearly chews a hole through the inside of his cheek.  “We don’t trade lives.  I’ve said it more times than I can think.  One singular life is just as worthwhile as everyone else’s.  The world didn’t stop spinning these last five years.  People are still growing up, getting married, having babies...having lives.  Who are we to take that away from them?”

Carol’s shrewd, however, and can see right through the fancy, inspirational speech that people would expect Cap to make to lead the masses.  “Yeah, how old is she?”

“Hmm?”

“Tony’s daughter.  How old is she?”

Steve just nods, looking down at the desktop.  “Four.”

“And, suddenly, so many things become clear.  He refused to help unless his daughter was safe, didn’t he?”

A set of arched eyebrows is the only answer Steve can give.

“I get wanting to protect her.  I do,” Carol says, eyes distant even through the shimmer of the holographic interface, and whatever she’s thinking of, Steve can see the pain on her face.  “But if I was her parent I wouldn’t want to let her grow up in a world that seems like it came from one of Stephen King’s worst nightmares.”  She snaps her gaze back to Steve’s.  “So basically, if there’s an alternate plan, we can’t expect Tony to be involved.”

“That’s probably a safe assumption.”  Keeping secrets has already done so much damage in their relationship, what’s one more to add on top of it?  But when the universe is at stake?

“Still, if you know her birthday, do the math.  There’s every chance that kid was conceived before the Snap and, if so, she’ll get to grow up in an even better world than the one she’s in now, with parents who are a lot less broken because of it.”  Her hologram looks steadfast and strong, a lot stronger than Steve feels at that moment.  “I’m going to do some research on what the Stones can do, in the meantime.  Power’s great, but only if you know how to use it properly.”

Steve nods.  What else can he do at this point?  Instead of clarity, all he has are more questions that neither one of them will be able to answer easily.  “I’ll let you know how our time travel adventures go.”

Carol nods, and her hologram blinks out of existence, leaving a fading trail of faint blue sparkles behind.  Steve slumps back in the desk chair, scrubbing his hands hard over his face, because fuck if he knows what he’s going to do now.

**********

Natasha and Clint take off for Vormir.

Only Clint returns, and it feels like the heart and soul of the team is shredded in an instant.

**********

Carol’s not the type of person to let just anyone see her cry, and yet her eyes go glassy and watery when Steve tells her about what happened on Vormir.  “Oh, god,” she all but whimpers.

He stands behind the desk, where Nat should have been sitting, fists clenched, trying not to give into the rage and sadness that he knows is brewing inside of him.  “Did you find anything?”

Carol sniffles, inhaling sharply and refocusing herself.  “Nothing good.  Long story short, from a cosmic perspective, the universe is beyond off balance.  Right down to the molecular level, and from a more metaphysical angle, at a magical level also.  The universe shouldn’t exist in this current state.  It can’t, frankly.”

“You spoke to the Living Tribunal, then?” a new voice breaks in, low and haggard and yet strong enough to resonate around the office.  Standing in the doorway is Thor, looking about as worn down as Steve feels right then, ragged and tired, like he’s only being held together by the merest of threads.

“And what’s the Living Tribunal when it’s at home?” Steve asks, because now they’re going well past his wheelhouse into the goddamn Marianas Trench, and the last thing he wants to do is drown in it.

“The judge, jury, and executioner of universal balance.”  Thor shuffles over to one of the chairs nearby the holographic image generators and kicks back, slumping down.  “What did he say to you?”

“That this universe, as it exists now, post decimation?” she shakes her head, “is unsustainable.  The balance has been wrecked so badly by what Thanos has done that within a generation, maybe two at the most, everything in existence is going to be reduced to space dust.  Something to be absorbed and dispersed around the universe that will come after this one.”

“Unless we turn it back?”

“Unless we turn it back,” Carol echoes, nodding.  “The Tribunal’s in agreement, to the point where it’s saying that some futures, meaning this one, shouldn’t exist.”

“The Tribunal is known for being a bit cryptic, at times,” Thor says, his head turning to look directly at Steve.  “The only times it gets truly clear, is when the sentence is handed down.”

Carol points a finger directly at Thor.  “That’s an understatement, in my experience.  The fact that the Tribunal pointed me in the direction of obtaining a little extra power to defeat Thanos back in 2018 as needed is telling enough.  I get the feeling that the Tribunal, and the powers - whatever they are - above it aren’t exactly thrilled with the idea of starting a new universe just now either.  It’s not the right time.”

Thor finds Steve’s gaze yet again, and there’s something dark and dangerous brewing behind his eyes, something that Steve knows is echoed in his own.  “So, instead of buying Morgan a lifetime, he gives her twenty years?  Maybe fifty, at the outside?”

“Not just Morgan,” Carol says quietly.  “The entirety of the universe.  The countless species and planets and galaxies in that space beyond measure.  Fifty years.  And that’s if humanity doesn’t hasten their own end, as they’ve been known to do.”

As painful as it is to think, it’s the moment of clarity, of certainty, that Steve’s been needing.  “We have to turn it back,” Steve breaths out, the words falling from his lips with unimaginable gravity.  “We use the Stones, go back to the battle in Wakanda, and take Thanos out there.”  He turns his eyes to Carol.  “The Stones together can do just about anything, yeah?”

“Correct.”

He nods, trying to collect his thoughts together.  He needs to be sure that he phrases this just right, because if there’s only one chance to say it they all need to be sure they’re working with the same ideas.  “So if we do turn back the clock to that moment, there won’t be two versions of us around, just the one version that existed at the time.  Yeah?”

She nods.

“Okay.  We get the stones, and we turn the clock back to that exact moment.  It’s a small time frame, even more so with you being out in the galaxy, but we can make it work.”  He bites the inside of his cheek, hard enough to cut through the skin and leave the lingering metallic taste of blood in his mouth.  “One more thing.  When we turn the clock back to that exact moment, we need to make it that only the three of us remember this future, so we can ensure we do what we need to in the past.  This is our plan, our mission.  We need to see it through.”

It’ll also be a bit of a kindness, Steve supposes.  It’s hard to mourn what you’ve lost, if you don’t know you’ve lost it.  It feels uncomfortably like playing God, deciding if people will or won’t live with the memories, but it’s the choice that will spare people, including those closest to them, the most pain.  And will give them a chance for a real future, not just some farcical pretense of one.

“Can you live with that option?” Carol asks, solemnly.

Steve’s stomach roils and the blood on his tongue just seems to get even sharper, leaving him feeling like he’s about to sign the warrant for his own execution.  “What other choice do we have?” is all that he says in return.

“It’s a rare thing, to get a second chance,” Thor says.  His voice is quiet and low, yet it cuts through the night like a strident call, a rallying cry that they’ve been desperately needing.  “Who are we to waste that opportunity?”

[sarcastically-defensive17]

can i request an imagine where calum & the reader are dating and she gets in a car accident & totals her car? and calum and the boys are in another car and see traffic is slowed bc of the accident and cal recognizes her car and asks them to pull over as she’s freaking out because the ambulance is trying to help her calm down but she’s freaking out and can’t call cal because she can’t find her phone that’s in the car but she ends up fine w a few bruises and scratches & it’s all fluff at the end?

Gonna be late - C. Hood

TRIGGER WARNING: Description of car accident and physical injuries, and anxiety.

Sorry this took so long, lovie! Been super busy lately! Hope you like it!

Original story by sarcastically-defensive17

Car accidents are always shown as something so quick in movies.

A split second collision, the car jolts and is thrown around. The person inside is struck with whiplash and tossed about in a quick movement and often the aftermath is quite horrible.

Y/N discovered that movies are total bull Shit.

She was on her way to meet her friends, and her boyfriend, traveling down the Main Street of the town with music playing in the background as she thrummed her fingers along the steering wheel.

Calum always felt shy when she played his music, but she adored the sound of his voice. Every time his dulcet tone travels through the speakers a smile bursts onto her face.

She was listening to Babylon when it happened.

Anything that she had seen in the media felt like the biggest lie in that moment.

What was really a few minute action felt like a lifetime.

Her mind was focused on the road ahead of her, but the subconscious part of her mind was focused on the brown eyed man she gave her heart to.

They had been together for nearly 2 and a half years and at the point of considering living together.

Now, she had been on her way from work to meet with Calum, the guys and their girls for a much needed night out.

Between study and work she had barely had a time to relax, so Calum got onto Crystal who Y/N knew not to argue with about plans and organized for her to meet all of them at her favourite diner for dinner and drinks afterwards.

The sky was barely starting to go dark when the Subaru connected with the passenger side of the car.

She was doing 60 and her car was pushed sideways into the lane next to her.

The impact tore a grunt from her throat and the drivers side connected with a car parked on the side of the road.

Time seemed to slow as her head connected with the steering wheel and the drivers side door squashed in on her arm.

For a minute she saw black.

She came to with a pounding in her head that resembled a bad hangover, but the blood dripping in her eye brought her to her senses.

Despite the agony in both her arm and her head, she could only think of one thing: She needed to tell Calum she would be late. He would worry about her.

She just needed to get her arm out so she could get her bag that was on the passenger side. A quick text to Calum was all she needed

She just couldn’t reach.

<><><><><>

Calum couldn’t wait to see her. They basically lived together and saw each other every day, but last night he spent it at his own house.

She had an early class followed by a shift at work so he said goodnight to her at 7pm the previous night and left knowing he would see her at the bar the following day.

They were well past the honeymoon stage. Their love was past romantic, past companionate. They were bordering on full consummate love and he couldn’t find a moment where he didn’t have her at least in the back of his mind.

He truly loved her, and they both knew they shared the sentiment.

“All I’m saying is, you don’t know if zebras are black with white stripes, or white with black stripes.”

“What does it matter, Ash?” KayKay laughed from the front seat.

He decided to carpool with Ashton and Kaitlin, as he knew he was going home with Y/N that night.

Their conversations had ranged anywhere from aliens to the colour green and now to zebras and their stripes.

Cal couldn’t deny that he tuned out when KayKay and Ash were disputing the intensity of a specific shade of green.

The ride was energetic and gave off a certain ambience that Calum found himself basking in.

Lately, the only time he ever felt relaxed was with Y/N, but he was enjoying the time spent with his friends and the anticipation of seeing the woman he loved.

Hell, he was just excited to be able to sleep next to her that night. He always slept better with her beside him.

“Shit.” Calum felt the car slow, KayKay pushing her foot into the break with the pace of the car in front. “Calum is that-“

“It looks like it,” Ashton cut her off, whispering in a hushed voice for fear of setting off the Maori mans fight or flight.

They both knew that it would definitely be fight.

When it came to Y/N he would always fight for her.

His brown eyes captured the sight of her white Jeep. He knew immediately it was hers.

“Pull over,” he demands even though the car is almost at a complete stop.

His belt is off and his door is flung open. His ears are deaf to Ashton’s calls.

He clears a car and an ambulance comes into view. There are three paramedics crowded around the car, and two others tending to another car.

He didn’t know what had happened but he needed to know if his girl was okay.

He could hear her cries coming from the vehicle.

“I need to call my boyfriend,” she was breathing heavily. Her voice was cracking and sounded strained.

His heart broke at the sound. He could hear the pain she was in, yet her only thought was of him.

In any other circumstance he would be flattered, but all he could focus on was the paramedic telling her to stay calm because she has a head wound.

“No, please. You need to call him. You need to tell him I’m going to be late.” He got closer to the car, and he could see firefighters working at the door next to her.

Paramedics were on the passenger side of the car that had been dented, but at this moment he could care less about the car.

“Please, I just need to talk to him,” she was pleading.

“Ma’am you need to relax. We will call your boyfriend as soon as we can get you out and looked over.”

“But he’s waiting for me,” she was crying. From the pain or her stress, he didn’t know.

His feet felt more sluggish as he got closer to her, but he couldn’t stop his voice.

“Y/N?” He crouched down near where the paramedics were and his heart ached at the sight.

She was virtually untouched save for the head wound and her arm that had disappeared into the car door.

There were tears on her face and her skin was blotchy from the sobs underneath the blood.

Still, she lit up when she saw him.

“Calum! Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” she moved slightly, cringing at the pain in her arm. “Crystals gonna kill me. I ruined our night.”

Calum couldn’t help but laugh, “she won’t care, baby. It’s fine, I’m right here with you.”

“I’m guessing this is the boyfriend?” The paramedic quipped. He was tall but he managed to fit into the small space to hold a gauze against her forehead. “No more tears now?”

The firefighters made quick work of the door. It was crumpled around her arm and they needed to stabilize it as they moved her.

She was into the ambulance for an assessment not long after and they began the ride to the hospital.

Calum made sure to send a quick message to Ashton informing him of the situation, but he turned his phone off after.

He needed to focus on Y/N.

A few hours later and she woke up in a white hospital room, her arm in a cast and elevated and a thick wrap around her head.

Calum was asleep on a chair beside her. He was sleeping so peacefully.

Naturally, she throw a sock at him.

“Hey! Melon!”

He snorted awake, blinking deliriously at the girl perched on the bed.

Despite the pain she was in previously, she beamed at him. Her smile could always settle his worries.

“I’ll let that one slide but stop calling me that!” He laughed at her, standing up and stretching.

She used the one hand that wasn’t in the sling to make grabby hands at him, prompting him to laugh once again and settle on the bed next to her.

“So, dr. Hood. What’s the damage?” She smiled, nuzzling into him.

“The damage is that you have a shattered forearm and a mild concussion. Also, you’re never driving yourself anywhere again. You’re coming with me,” he whispered to her, pressing a kiss to his head. “I can’t tell you how scared I was when I saw your car on the side.”

“As scared as I was being yknow, the one in the car?” She winked, pulling him closer so she could hug him more.

“I love you, you know that right?” He kissed her forehead once again. It was his favourite place to kiss her. She believed it was the most intimate and sweet place to kiss somebody, and he had done so since they started their relationship.

“I love you too, Melon,” she smirked once again.

He was thanking anybody who was there to listen that she was okay. He couldn’t imagine what he would have done if she wasn’t.

“So, I think this is a good time to revisit our conversation about living arrangements,” he said as he toyed with her hands, resting her smaller fingers against his own. “Because, if we lived together, I could fulfill my dream of being your personal chauffeur.”

“Calum, your dream was to make it big with your friends.”

“And I did that. Now this is my new dream.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“You’re gorgeous,” he smiled.

She rolled her eyes, kissing him softly on the lips. “You want to do this? Live together?”

“I really do, baby,” he was staring so intently into her eyes that it forced a redness to rise.

“Then lets do it, Cal. Let’s move in together.”

A smile broke out onto his face, wider than it was before and he leaned over her to kiss her deeply.

“How about I get you a cute little nurse outfit and you can take care of me?” She winked as she pulled away from his lips, allowing him to roll his eyes deeply.

Tag list:

@mantlereid @starshonerose @theanswertoeverythingisl0v3

If you’d like to be apart of the tag list, send me a message or an ask!!

[aro-culture-is]

1)I'm aro & even tho I came to know about that term just recently I've alys had the 'aro' personality & those who know me knows it. I'm 23 & never been in a relation. I'm also introvert so I don't really have close friends & i don't desire other's company whether romantic or not. When I was 14 I had this guy frn & I guess we were pretty close. I stopped talking to him over some argument about he wanting me to be his gf. I wasn't planning on not speaking with him forever but he died a week later

2)So since I'm in 20s and suddenly everythings about finding the missing piece crap I always get pressured into seeking it. I tell my mom time and again that it's not for me but she keeps pointing out that I'm shy introvert and I don't know what I'm missing and the story of that guy. I honestly don't have much memory of him now but she tells me that I was devastated and she was worried sick for me cause she thought he was my bf. So now I'm confused and try to look at myself w/o those things

3) but I can't. I don't know if I need therapy and this aromantic is sth in me that can be fixed. I don't mean to degrade the word. And I don't know if I want it fixed even if it's fixable. I don't know how to answer to my mom bringing up possible trauma that may be possible for me being aro. There has to be other people with similar situation. What is on the other side?

4) sorry this this getting too long but I want to add about how he died to get a gist of how fucked up it was. I used to help him with studies and we often had extra classes where I used to go with him insisting that he go since he had difficulty getting decent grades. That day I didn't call him as I said I wasn't talking with him. He had gone for swimming when we had class. He drowned in a river nearby. It was never known if it was accidental or not.

--

TWs: trauma, implied suicide (as a possibility), internalized arophobia

okay... so, i’m going to preface this with the fact that regardless of the aromantic side of things, the language that you used throughout this would make me inclined to suggest therapy regardless. i’m not a professional, i’m just a 20yo who’s seen a lot of the growth of the aro community on tumblr over the last 7 years.

the reason i’m saying this is specifically that you mention “i guess we were pretty close”, “don’t have much memory of him now”, etc., especially paralleled with how you keep mentioning that you’re getting info about this from your mother. again, i’m not a professional, but that speaks to me of a traumatic situation (aka: something that you were not emotionally capable of processing when it happened) in which you either didn’t form memories well (a stress response, but this seems unusually severe in my limited understanding) or possibly have repressed it to some degree. both are totally normal responses, but nonetheless it might help to speak to a qualified professional about your experience with this if it’s distressing you enough to ask me, a random internet blog, about it in this detail.

additionally, in all honesty, i’m concerned that your only source of info seems to be your mother. while i’ll say in full disclosure that my view is impacted by my own (shitty) relationship with my mother, many parents want their children to lead what they picture to be a perfect life, to the point of causing damage in their attempts to mold their children into those lives. if this specifically is only being brought up when you talk about being aro / in conjunction with conversations about dating, that would lead me to suspect this is the case.

with regards to the aromantic side of this ask:

1) being aromantic is first and foremost about attraction. if you don’t think you’ve ever, or rarely, felt romantic attraction? you’re aro. you don’t have to claim the label if you don’t want to, but I think in your case it sounds like you do want to.

2) with ppl assuming that you were dating someone especially when you were 14, i’d disregard anything they say. at least in USA culture, mothers especially are poor judges of who is and is not dating in my experience, and typically assume any friends who happen to be a guy and a girl must actually be dating. literally it’s so rare for parents, especially mothers in this culture not to assume that that i actually cannot think of a person who i know who didn’t have their parents make that assumption at least once when it wasn’t true.

3) the relationship between aromanticism and trauma is often personal. ppl who have experienced trauma that they believe caused them to be aro are still aromantic if they chose to label themselves such, and it is directly unhealthy to take that control away from a trauma victim. while again, i am not a professional, i was given basic training about how best to support a victim of trauma, and the number one thing is that you must give them the reigns. they ultimately must have power over what happens to them. empowerment is extremely important.

that said: studies do find that the average alloromantic person experiences their first crushes around the age of 10. if you personally don’t recall having had any crushes before this experience, I wouldn’t be quick to describe your aromanticism as stemming from trauma. if you did have crushes, but you recall picking a person to have a crush on, that’s not what an alloromantic person calls a crush, that’s what an aromantic person who is trying to fit in calls a crush. so. there’s that to think about.

4) from the last point: “curing” aromanticism. if and only if your lack of attraction stems from trauma do i believe there is a chance that therapy could help to unlock any form of attraction you used to have. in all honesty, though, I would strongly advise that if you do believe this is the correct course of action for you, you cannot go into this with a therapist who isn’t respectful of queer identities. you cannot go into this with the expectation that everything will “return to normal”. trauma is complex. therapists with no knowledge of aromanticism could easily do harm simply because they aren’t familiar with the fact that people who don’t experience romantic attraction can live fulfilling lives.

--

this ask is complex. i’m really hoping i’ve answered it the best i can, but ultimately, all i can do is say this:

i’m sorry that you experienced this. what happened was not your fault, and you deserve to be able to move forwards with your life regardless and feel content with your life.

for as long as you want it, the label aromantic is yours to claim. no one can take that from you. sometimes, well-meaning people may try, because they don’t know better than to assume it is harming you. that does not mean that they know you better than you know yourself.

trauma is complicated, and healing from it can feel daunting. however, therapy can help you process what happened then, what is happening now, and come to a conclusion about how best to move forwards. it sounds to me like you harbor a feeling of guilt about a situation that, no matter what, was not your fault. accident or not, anyone who tries to imply that it was your fault is wrong. i know that my words as a stranger might not carry much weight, but if nothing else I want you to know that you are allowed to stop carrying this weight.

this ask is complex because in all honesty? i don’t think is about aromanticism. as someone who is currently in therapy, and who regularly discusses my own trauma with my therapist, i’m reading a lot of the same types of feeling i’m currently confronting in your ask.

best wishes

[fly-sky-high-bug-games]

Hi! I saw you answer an ask about your OC Alyssum and I was instantly pulled in. I went to your list of muses to go read some stuff on her but the link isn't working for some reason. Care to share? 😁 also what other hcs do you have about her (optional w/mugo) 👀

I THINK THAT’S MY FAULT, I keep tagging her as available muse but she’s technically listed as “npc” on the muse post because I didn’t want to introduce her yet (so far story wise, she only appears through dialog and hasn’t popped out yet, hard since she’s at Highgrove and setting is in Hallownest). However, her muse has been... oddly strong lately, I keep drawing and doing tiny rp scenes with her with few friends just to test the waters with her and BOY IT’S KIND OF... INTERESTING.

She might be “oopsie haha murder” kind of character but she’s also playing the nobility part quite well. She’s “polite”, invites bugs for a tea, a little chatter (maybe even a friendly one, she’s capable of it), possibly propositions, no refusal, nice job offers~ or death. One always gets to choose, acting like they have an option but forcefully narrows it to few and plays on mental and emotional state at such circumstances. Tricky~

I have yet to develop the details of her faction and who’s in it but very few people will be. Wasps I already covered, I just have to work around clan leader that’s in contact with Alyssum. Others would be black market dealers (lead merchant), underground snail-mail (postal snail), one of the weavers who’s good with seals and couple of others~ I need to brainstorm on this still. :0

Damn, I already rambled about this and didn’t talk about her much, hold on *throws Alyss tidbits under read more if tumblr allows it to work...*

She was looked after by Magnolia and basically raised by her, some time after she turned to be a queen. Fun tidbits about Magnolia family as a whole, they are not related to one another (mostly) but consider themselves a big family because they took down the previous queen and king of Highgrove while raising from poverty. However, Magnolia and her followers were never kind and forgiving, but with promises that there will be change in balance of the hierarchy, they got a lot of followers and supporters from commoners to usurp the royalty and did so successfully.

Alyssum was young when this happened so while she was somewhat birthed under poverty, she was fully raised as a noble. I don’t have much of her childhood worked out but there isn’t much to say aside from that she was raised and thought under the cruel but rich conditions of the kingdom.

The binding seal on her wings she earned not long before she met Mugo, almost like a sign for maturity and set under higher position in the family and not just as a student. The seals are powerful magic that uses soul, sewed in with magic by the weaver and afterwards trained to use it. It manifests through the shape of petals: swirling, cutting, chipping, slashing or severing, depending on the number of petals created, used, how fast, how they’re choreographed... It’s all soul but she can use regular flower petals that make less damage but not much soul required. Alyss can also use the wings as a shield since the binding is right on them and actually getting through them with anything is worse than trying to cut the metal open. (like, I imagined in game moves, if you know how THK blocks twice then slashes, she does similar things with wings, where she blocks two times but then bursts open the wings to blow the opponent back to the other side of the screen)

But you know, she’s a lady~ Of course she won’t get her hands dirty. :3c She has others to do that for her~

As for her and Mugo... (OH BOY HERE WE GOOOO~!)

I have to say, their relationship and love was rather genuine, it kind of makes me sad it ended up the way it did... With Magnolia, Alyss (and even Zeeke and his family) still visiting Hallownest some time before Pure Vessel was sealed and before infection went crazy (I canonize, by human years, that that was 20ish years before current events, since Hornet seems 15-18ish years old but who knows with bugs~ I just needed approximate idea for the setting). They were at City of tears but Mugo met her somewhere close to it, as she was hiding away from the nobles to explore the outside on her own and spotted Mugo.

Sure, Mugo crushed on her first but when she tested him by giving away her symbol necklace and pedant of White Magnolia for him to sell at black market and get good money, he refused because it was a memento from someone dear to him. It still is... he didn’t take it off because this is when their love was true and pure... Alyss never forget that either. It was very touching to her.

Their relationship was fine, both shared nothing in common but that was such a fun time for both because of it. They were clicking because they were like two different puzzles pieces that do fit together... but sadly, the pieces didn’t give the right picture when one by the other. (don’t you hate when this happens when you’re trying to puzzle grass or sky together?? *shot*) 

Alyssum explained to Mugo how Magnolia works. He didn’t like it one bit, as he ran away from Highgrove partially because they usurped the old rulers and rendered his family’s status almost homeless. Meanwhile, Alyss didn’t like that Mugo kept throwing himself in danger for his job, even if it’s a hobby that means a lot to him, all for sake of survival and geo.

They dated for some time, had fun, but slowly things started kind of... falling apart. The closer Alyss was to heading back to Highgrove the more she pressured Mugo to come with, become part of the family and live with her under riches the Magnolia offers. His counter proposal was, if they’re really in love and she is aware of Magnolia’s wrongdoings, that she would leave them instead and live with him while making the adventures she loved hearing about from him, together. Basically, Mugo put his love for her over riches or anything but Alyss wanted him for herself under the comfort and safety of Magnolia. She couldn’t throw that away, not after building the status and becoming a favorite to Magnolia herself. She thought this was selfish of Mugo but Mugo tried to explain it was for her changing a new leaf and starting over as something good, not ruled by fear and power.

So they started to disagree... argue... and finally physically fight. Of course, Alyss won. Mugo isn’t a fighter. At that moment, it was either she has him or no one does. For Mugo, he could only bark threats. So he did, angered, throwing words he couldn’t even imagine himself doing. When she lighted up her wings, he threatened he will cut them off. So in retribution, she cut him, scaring his face. He saw something or someone completely different then. Mugo ran for his life, leaving Alyss alone.

That was the last time they saw each other, 20ish years ago. Mugo hid away at the lake of Unn and suffered depression and withdrawal for a very long time. As for Alyss... she pulled off something she shouldn’t and Mugo didn’t know about...

He only got one last letter from her, to met her one more time at the Crossroads before she leaves for Highgrove, saying she wants to try one more time and... that she had a surprise for him. He didn’t respond. She waited for him there then left when he never showed...

That was that. :U Until now, at least~ :3 She got to hear about her ex thanks to Zeeke’s shenanigans at the Colosseum~ Oh, what are the odds of the noble meeting and having issues specifically with a certain, scruffy moth~

20 years is quite a bit of time for someone with a heartbreak and power to grow... kind of crazy. Of course she never let go of it. And now she knows he’s still alive too~ Wonder what Alyss will do. :3c

[gibberingcultist]

The Forgotten Age

We think we know the history of the Earth, but there are secrets that lie beyond our reckoning and truths that could undo our entire understanding of the universe. When renowned historian Alejandro Vela discovers one of these secrets, the ruins of an ancient and forgotten Aztec city, it sets into motion a plot that could unravel the very fabric of time.

Designers: Matthew Newman Artists: Andreas Adamek, Justin Adams, W. T. Arnold, Borja Pindado Arribas, Cristi Balanescu (cover), + 55 more! Players: 1-4 (best at 3 per BGG). But I would say Arkham Horror LCG is always best at 2 players. Playtime: 60-120 minutes per scenario. BGG Weight: 3.86 / 5 Mechanisms: Action Point Allowance System, Cooperative Play, Deck / Pool Building, Hand Management, Role Playing, Variable Player Powers

I am so far behind schedule on all these Arkham Horror LCG expansions and mythos pack reviews. The Dream-Eaters Cycle was recently released and already FFG has two more Arkham Horror LCG box expansions planned for the near future. The Innsmouth Conspiracy and potentially something called The War of the Outer Gods. We shall see if that second title is accurate or not in due time. Either way I can already see the money draining from my wallet like venom from a serpent’s fangs.

This will actually be my second time playing through The Forgotten Age expansion. The first time was with a party of three and we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. I found my first overall experience with TFA to be a incredibly frustrating. It was a grueling, torturous journey through the Mexican rain forest. We picked all the wrong supplies for all the wrong characters it seemed.

So after it was all said and done, I was pretty sure that I wasn’t ever going to play this expansion again. But with recently finishing The Circle Undone and not having all the mythos packs for the Dream-Eaters Cycle in my possession, I caved and returned to base camp to go on the expedition all over again. This time with a better idea of what will be needed. Characters with very high agility and well…. blankets. Why didn’t my first expedition group take basic bedding with them?! I’m surprised we even had boots on our feet, we were so unprepared for survival in the outdoors. Hopefully the second time through will be a little smoother.

We think we know the history of the Earth, but there are secrets that lie beyond our reckoning and truths that could undo our entire understanding of the universe. When renowned historian Alejandro Vela discovers one of these secrets, the ruins of an ancient and forgotten Aztec city, it sets into motion a plot that could unravel the very fabric of time.

So as I already mentioned, knowing how important agility is for your investigators; my girlfriend and I selected the two investigators from the The Forgotten Age campaign with the highest agility (feetsies). These two also seemed to have the highest potential for the most bonus actions in a round, which is always a good thing to have in this god-forsaken game. We chose Ursula Downs and Finn Edwards. We can’t help but think that Finn is really just allowing himself to be employed by Ursula to get himself away from some sort of shady business dealings back home. Or to make a hefty profit selling all of our equipment and provisions. Because why else wouldn’t we have blankets?! I swear that stuff is getting stolen from under us.

“I have had it with these motherfucking snakes in this motherfucking jungle!” The pit vipers aren’t too bad as long as you are as spry and nimble as Ursula and Finn. We were able to stay ahead of the sneks by constantly moving and clearing each location of clues as quickly as possible. The Boa was a bigger concern as he was hunting us through most the scenario. We don’t plan on killing anything with vengeance points. IF we can help it that is. Neither of us really had any weapons readied during this scenario anyway. Just the trench coat on our backs and the track shoes on our feet. We were bouncing all over the jungle like gummy bears hopped up on Ayahuasca juice (is that a thing?).

Once confronted by Ichtaca, Keeper of the Etzli, we really had no choice but to parlay with her. I’m not sure why Alejandro Vela is so opposed to working with the locals (at this point in the game). Sounds like he’s part of the White Savior Industrial Complex. We discovered the Etzli ruins, thanks to Ichtaca and left behind a wake of snakes (very much alive mind you) and watchful Guardians. Rushing exploration and clue gathering was the way to go for this scenario. Very thematic and fun.

In this first scenario, one gets introduced to the exploration deck. Where one could potentially lose his/her movement actions based on what cards are randomly drawn from a small shuffled deck. A deck consisting of a handful of treacheries mixed in with a variety of potentially discoverable locations. I guess I don’t mind the exploration deck mechanic. More times than not, we will unluckily draw all the treachery cards rather quickly. So we take the explore action early knowing full well that we are going to draw treachery cards. After all the treachery cards have been randomly drawn and discarded, THEN we can explore without fear or consequence. And that’s a great feeling.

Welp. So much for trying to maintain zero vengeance points. Yig’s fury went from 0 to 5 in just one scenario. We were rapidly overwhelmed with serpent humanoids and barely got out of the Etzli temple with the Relic of Ages in hand. It’s almost as if investigators were meant to die/lose this scenario. Ursula suffered a mental trauma after being hounded by Yig’s minions every step of the way. Her treachery card was what did her in though. She was unable to heed the Call of the Unknown after taking such a beating from the treachery filled exploration deck.

We both found this scenario too frustrating. The difficulty ramped up to 11 and we were still ill prepared for such things. None of our weapons were even drawn during this game, so once again we just had to keep moving. Trying our best to stay ahead of the wave of snake creatures. The only reason Finn was able to get out of the temple, after snagging the Relic of Ages, was because he was lucky enough to draw his I’m outta here! card right when he needed it most. There was no way he was going to make it past the 7 or 8 monsters in his linear path. This relic better be worth it.

….Aaand it’s gone. We lost the relic. Or Harlan did. Whoever the fuck he is. We chose to keep the relic safe by giving it to some rando in passing. Then we are shocked when the supposedly trusty vagabond up and leaves town. Great.

Threads of Fate was another rather frustrating scenario with a ungodly amount of enemies. The moment we were able to eliminate just one of the Haunting Nightgaunts terrorizing us, we would advance the agenda deck, reshuffle the discard pile, only to draw the very same Haunting Nightguant! GAH! These guys are tough as well, 4HP, running away from them is hard due to doubling the negative modifiers. Terrifying creatures.

It was neat that there were multiple Acts or multiple storylines (threads) to follow and investigate. We were only able to fully complete one of the three but at least the scenario still rewarded us for making an attempt at the others. In that you receive some bonus experience points for just getting past Act 1 of each deck. Alejandro Vela was rescued and now resides in one of our decks. I would have preferred to have the Relic but circumstances prevented us from making it so.

Wait, it was all a dream?! But I consumed actual gas in driving to this fever dream. I want my gas supply point back. The Boundary Beyond would be strike 3 for us. Another overly frustrating scenario with too many monsters and a damn near impossible end goal. We were suppose to lose weren’t we? Considering we only managed to get 3 out of the 6 locations explored correctly, and then wiped of clues before being overwhelmed by enemies. The added penalties for exploring was very rough and we felt it… hard. Like for instance, one location forced you to take a physical damage to take the explore action. Which inevitably resulted in drawing a treachery card, making the damage you received to draw the treachery even more painful. So consume another precious action, take another physical damage, and try your luck again!

The Harbinger of Valusia once again made his appearance known. A damn near impossible enemy to combat while also trying to achieve your necessary win condition. With Alert and Retaliate active even when exhausted, the Harbinger is going to just decimate anyone interested in doing any amount of damage to him. Especially book nerds like us. We were able to inflict 2 damage on him though before getting TKO’ed. 2 damage out of his 20hp! I feel like we should be further down on his health track. Ugh.

During set-up, players are instructed to set aside the Agenda 3 and Act 3 cards. I imagine this is to mislead the players about the intended length of the scenario? And well… it worked! During what we thought was our very last turn (before the agenda would advance), we both made some hail mary plays to try and acquire as many clues/locations as possible before ending the scenario. Only to find out, the scenario wasn’t over. By the time we realized we had more rounds at our disposal, we were either already eliminated or stuck in some impossible situation. I can see that designers are looking to subvert players expectations in whatever means possible, but this ended up just frustrating my girlfriend to the point that she considered quitting the campaign all together. She is calling AH-LCG an abusive relationship. Wondering why we keep going back to it.

The Story So Far

Wait. Why are we back in the jungle again?! Let’s recap. Going back a few scenarios, we uncovered information on a secret cabal, called the Brotherhood, who had interests in the Eztli relic (missing!). This Brotherhood also had a great deal of information on Alejandro’s previous expedition into the Mexican rain forest. According to Ichtaca, the Brotherhood is seeking a place called the Nexus of N’kai. OK fine. So without any other bit of information given by Ichtaca, we set off on another expedition back to the relic’s original location. For what I imagine is to seek out additional clues in regards to the power behind the relic.

During our road trip to Mexico City, Alejandro voices his opinion that the documented symbols adorning the relic is not of Mayan or Aztec heritage. Hmm…ok.

We putz around Mexico for a while, eating lots of fish tacos and drinking lots of margaritas (or so I imagine), but doing not much else. A week later, Ichtaca FINALLY decides it’s time perform some sort of cryptic incantation, alone in her room. An event that results in a dream like scenario which gives us some insight. Insight into (Tenochtitlan locations?) a cave that Ichtaca believes is the path that leads to the Nexus. She wants us to go with. Do we have time to grab some Pozole before we go? I think so.

Part 1

The first half of the Heart of the Elder’s mythos pack seems more of a catch-up scenario. Because we only received insight on 3 of the 6 paths/stone pillars outside the cave, we had to spend some days trying to decode the other 3. The stone pillars are essentially the lock tumblers allowing access to the cave maw.

I find it hard to believe Ichtaca had been running all over this jungle, secretly protecting the relic from outsiders, and never once discovered or learned about this cave. And if she did know of it, why did it take so long for her to explore it? And it she did explore it, why didn’t she know the 6 paths from the start?! Gah!

We did not like this part of the scenario. It felt like another throw away scenario that really wasn’t needed. It took two attempts at it to get the remaining 3 paths. Our first day/attempt resulted in no additional paths and Ursula ended up dying to the snake monsters. On the second day, a replay of the same scenario mind you, we had much better luck in not drawing snake monsters to hound us the entire time. So that helped us focus on clue gathering. The whole idea of playing the same scenario over and over again until you achieve some specific goal, rubs me the wrong way. Repetition in this regard is no fun. We also were annoyed that progressing the Act deck, which is normally a good thing to advance, significantly hampered our overall goal. So on the second day, knowing that it would be detriment to advance the Act deck, we advanced it only when we were ready to take on the additional headache.

Part II

After we gained access to the cave, we had a good spelunking time getting clues and discovering locations. It’s as if clue gathering is what we excel at. We lucked out on drawing a minimal amount of enemies during the mythos phase. Which helped us deal with everything else thrown at us. We felt like we had plenty of time to achieve the overall objective and we got a heck of a lot of XP from this scenario (both parts 1 and 2). Which makes the sting of part 1 a little less so. Part 2’s flavor text alludes to a Journey to the Center of the Earth type inner world, taking place below ours. Which is kind of neat.

The end of the scenario was a little confusing. Alejandro betrayed us?! He was working in unison or is commanding some sort of alien race to find and gain access to Yoth, cavern of the serpents? Why? I take it Alejandro is a member of the Brotherhood, which would explain why they had information on Alejandro’s expedition. It was information of the inside variety lols. My girlfriend thought the entire campaign was over after reading “It is your last human memory.” So we just died?! Not quite.

Alejandro was working with scientific, alien creatures? Hah! So we got mind-swapped with a couple Yithians and mentally transported to some unknown location beyond space and time that acts as a mass-information compiler. What are the aliens doing with our physical bodies right now? The other aliens didn’t seem to mind us wandering around their utopian society. That is until we fucked with their experiments. I suppose we would be the real aliens at this point. We had a lot of fun playing this scenario. This would be the first time, in publication order, that your investigator’s card gets swapped out for another scenario specific one. The next instance of this taking place during the prologue of The Circle Undone campaign. Both enjoyable experiences.

We slithered around, doing our best to hold on to our items with our noodly appendages. We did manage to perform all six of the necessary intellectual pursuits before mind-melding back into our original bodies. AKA we were a rightful pains in the ass. 9 xp from this scenario! So that’s very nice. This scenario required a lot of card-play. Mostly we used our cards just for the modifier icons to pass tests. As your Yithian character card allowed for the doubling of icons for one card per test. This coupled with our ever reducing max-hand size, made the end goal of holding 10 cards at once a rather tricky puzzle to figure out. We would not have achieved this goal had it not been for our new pen-pal, the Custodian, and the best room in the house, the Yithian Orrery.

What were we suppose to do with the Out of Body Experience treachery cards? I was never instructed in the setup but I feel like these should have been shuffled into our decks at some point. The backside of the Yithian investigator cards have Do you remember…? in the Deckbuilding Requirements section. So maybe it was a mistake in that these treachery cards should have been included in our decks to start. Not sure. We didn’t utilize them. This will probably be corrected in the Return to.

Now lets see what Alejandro and his alien buds were up to while we took a mental holiday.

I hear people play this scenario just to see how far down into the depths they can get before they are torn to shreds. We got to level 5 (the bare minimum) and immediately got the hell out of there! One could get a significant amount of XP on this scenario though. If everyone is well suited for fighting monsters and dealing with the ever growing pain that is the chaos bag. We on the other hand are NOT well suited for dealing with monsters. Besides running away from them. Finn Edwards recently purchased a Ornate Bow which has been pretty damn effective at eliminating a bunch of annoying or persistent enemies. Enemies with the Hunter trait mostly. Lets hope the next scenario is more about getting clues and not fighting a Boss of some kind.

The Depths of Yoth is an alright concept for a scenario but just like in a previous scenario (The Heart of the Elders Part 1) you essentially just play the same mini-game multiple times. At least with this scenario, with the reset between floors/levels, the locations are randomized. Your starting location and which locations are available will be slightly different between floors. We quickly learned which icon to look for in order to find the Steps of Yoth (how to progress). And I’m so confused on what’s going on in the over-arching story that we don’t even care anymore. Both Ichtaca and Alejandro have turned on us and want the Relic of Ages for different reasons. Ichtaca, I believe wants to awaken Yoth for some terrible reason. Hopefully it will all make more sense after the next scenario.

We finished! …thank God/Yig. We did get an above-average ending. Resolution 1 if that does anything for you. We lost the original Relic of Ages so we didn’t get the best ending but we refused the tempting offers from both Ichtaca and Alejandro Vela and went about mending the tear in the fabric of time…ourselves somehow. Luckily for us, The Relic of Ages was rediscovered in A Pocket of Time which I suppose makes sense that we traveled through time and found a earlier/later version of the one we lost. I’m always impressed with the final scenarios of each of the major campaigns. This one was no different. The story seemed to come together. Both Ichtaca (Yig worshiper) and Alejandro (Yithian in disguise) had ulterior motives which is understandable. I liked that we could have sided with either of them to change the world as we know it forever.

We didn’t kill a single enemy this scenario. Besides those EZ-PZ cultists. So we were once again dogged by a myriad of serpent & elite enemies. We were use to though after the sixth or seventh scenario where that happened this campaign. Finn Edwards handled running away from 5 different monster enemies himself, each round for two or three rounds. One free evade, three normal evade actions, and a Leo De Luca evade action. While Ursula Downs worked vigorously at exploring and clearing clues from as many shattered locations as possible. Taking damage and horror when necessary. It worked. I can’t wait to go back to playing some Guardian and Survivor class characters. Or really anyone with dynamite

We don’t officially get to play the bonus, secret mission because we lost the Relic of Ages from our timeline but we will play it anyway just to see what it’s like. Going on the assumption that we didn’t hand a complete stranger one of the most powerful objects in the known universe. So we will play that next and I will report on it here.

Man, fuck this game. We got devoured by Yig pretty quickly in our attempt to undo our past mistakes. Turn Back Time has a cool concept but this scenario is not designed with pacifists like us in mind. It’s tough! Arm yourself to the teeth before entering the Eztli Ruins again! We didn’t REALLY deserve to unlock this scenario and we are going to continue acting like this scenario never happened. Our own form of time travel.

Now that we are done with this campaign we will play a Return To… or start The Dream-Eaters cycle and hope that our last Mythos pack gets delivered very soon.

In Summary

Of all the Arkham Horror campaigns that I’ve played, The Forgotten Age is and will remain my least favorite. With that said I was impressed by how many of the scenarios ended up having a decently high personal rating. This tells me that the scenarios themselves aren’t bad but the over-arching story and mechanisms introduced are what leaves a foul malignancy festering in my mind when contemplating The Forgotten Age. Mainly due to the frustrations with the exploration deck, the supply point system (never having what you need), and having to suffer the ridiculous amount of serpent creatures all looking to settle their poisonous fangs into your meaty neck. The Harbinger of Valusia is still out there, slithering around the jungle with a whopping 18 HP! Good luck with that Mexico.

Final Score (Avg)

[joannalannister]

I recently saw an answer to an ask where you said the Lannister are small people, probably ever since The Hedge Knight. Do you think Joanna was small as well?

First, I really like this question, it’s a good one! Thank you for asking it!

Second, I assume you are referring to this post? (My friends, it really helps me if you supply the post number please!) 

“you said the Lannister[s] are small people” Let’s elaborate on that before we proceed. 

While the Lannisters are, on average, physically tall, I was using “small” metaphorically to indicate small moral stature and refer to character flaws, to indicate a person who is, on average, mean, or petty, or malicious, or lacking integrity, or contemptible, or bigoted, or pathetic, etc. 

(Note that I am saying “on average” to indicate a general tendency which allows for exceptions.) 

Tywin is a prime example of a man who is of small moral stature. See also. Basically the polar opposite of Brienne, who is a person of great moral stature. 

Also, I think something is lost in the paraphrasing, because I think this tendency toward “smallness” predates THK. I said previously, “Even in the days of Duncan the Tall […], House Lannister would not stand for a cause that was right and just, and they have only grown smaller since.) It’s THK which gives us a very concrete historical example that we actually “see” happening in real (story) time, with the Lannisters refusing Dunk’s call, but if the histories can be believed, examples abound. 

Now, do I think Joanna exhibited this tendency toward “smallness”? Sure, at least initially. 

That’s just how I personally imagine her, given that GRRM isn’t particularly interested in exploring pre-series female characters, especially ones who are not Targaryens. 

We don’t know a lot about Joanna, but we know something about the people around her, like Tywin and Genna and Kevan, and these people are … not … shining beacons of light in the series. 

Personally, I think Tywin’s love is conditional, and if you oppose him or if you disappoint him or if you’re not largely on board with his program of dehumanization and Lannister Superiority, he finds that very, very frustrating. If Tywin is frustrated, he tells you to fuck off, to get away from him, he disowns you, he won’t speak to you (ask Jaime (who frustrated Tywin’s ambitions), ask Tyrion (there is not enough parenthetical space here to tell you all the ways Tyrion is at odds with Tywin), ask Genna (who, in her own words, disappointed Tywin)). 

If you’re not on board, you’re not compatible with Tywin, in Tywin’s mind. That is who Tywin is in the books. 

“Ser Kevan was his brother’s vanguard in council, Tyrion knew from long experience; he never had a thought that Lord Tywin had not had first. It has all been settled beforehand, he concluded, and this discussion’s no more than show.”

(From my understanding, the people in the vanguard are the people at the front of your army, leading the way. In more modern terms, Kevan is like Tywin’s tank, advancing Tywin’s ideas in the political arena and drawing enemy fire without taking significant damage, which allows Tywin to follow up with a kill shot from relative cover. In short, this is a concerted effort.)

Like … Tywin isn’t just a person, he’s also an ideology. And Kevan is on fucking board, ride or die, a true believer, loyal to the end, and this is what makes Tywin trust him and rely on him.

(This is why I’m not a fan of those “oh, poor Kevan” interpretations… but that’s just me.) 

Genna was on fucking board too, she still resents Ellyn Tarbeck “that scheming bitch”

One of the few things we know about Joanna is that Tywin allowed himself to be vulnerable around her. The walls came down for her, the drawbridge lowered. For her, and only her. “Only Lady Joanna truly knows the man beneath the armor.” It’s only for Joanna that Tywin allowed his soft underbelly to be exposed. That implies a level of trust that we never see again in Tywin. 

Also consider marriage vows in Westeros: “One flesh, one heart, one soul.” 

I live in a largely secular place, so it’s easy to brush something like this off, yeah yeah yeah w/e. But to a Westerosi, these mean something - you’re combining two people into one. (These wedding vows are taken directly from Milton’s Paradise Lost, about Adam and Eve.) 

So when Tywin, a literalist, marries Joanna, he is allowing her to become a part of himself. 

That’s why I have a really, really, really hard time believing that Tywin fell in love with someone who was not “on board”. At least, initially. 

I think that – initially – Joanna was a very bigoted person - someone who was classist, racist, misogynistic, etc. 

But the reason that Joanna – or at least the Joanna that I imagine, cuz idk wtf george thinks, if anything – the reason that Joanna captivates me in a way that Tywin never can is because I’m interested in exploring the question, can Joanna change? 

Can Joanna grow? 

In the series, GRRM is interested in exploring how Jaime and Tyrion change throughout the books, and he has these men court Heroism and Villainy both, and they straddle the line between them. 

But GRRM really isn’t that interested in exploring that kind of thing with Cersei in the text, imo, and that always seems kind of sad to me. 

So I suppose, in my own writing, I make up for that with Joanna. 

Like, in my fanfiction, the first scene where Tywin and Joanna interact is basically Tywin scandalized that Joanna is seemingly not dehumanizing this person, and Joanna reassuring him that it’s not what it looks like and basically “don’t be an idiot, Tywin, of course i’m not treating This Person like a human being, this is just the most convenient thing for me” 

And I want to know how she grows from that - how does she eventually come to see This Person as a friend? 

And we know that Joanna and the Princess of Dorne became friends, but how did they start? 

Aerys was obviously racist, and I think Tywin was racist, but eventually we get to a point where, imo, Joanna wanted to marry her son to the Princess’s daughter, Elia, so how do we get there? 

And what about Tytos’s mistress, what about Lynora Hill, what about Ellyn Tarbeck? What do these people mean to Joanna, how does she see them, what does she do? 

What of Toad? 

GRRM has seeded this era with so many interesting people, so many people for Joanna to run up against and push back against.

So I suppose, IN MY OWN WRITING, I imagine Joanna as small, and I find that the interesting thing is to watch her grow, and also to explore the limits of her growth. 

Because her relationship with Tywin is a big factor in her life. If Joanna can see the Princess of Dorne as a human being, and Tywin can’t …. 

And how does that make Joanna see herself, how does that change her…

…Joanna’s growth, Joanna’s disillusionment, her own realizations …

…I’m trying to find the right words, because I haven’t written this part yet…

Tywin ruled, and Joanna willingly assisted him in bricking up her own cage. Because Tywin is the living embodiment of Westerosi patriarchy, and Joanna helped him. She was complicit. And even a love as “deep and long-abiding” as Tywin’s can’t save her. 

I suppose that’s why I find Tywin/Joanna so sad. 

Sadder than GRRM imagined.  I don’t think this is a story GRRM could write, tbh. 

So yes. Small. But growth is possible. 

[pockpop]

the loved and the damned part one | seo changbin

➵ summary: you cough up flowers for a boy who already is in love with someone else and you have to decide whether the pain of his unrequited love is worth it.

➵ genre: angst, fluff, college au, 1990’s era, tattooed!changbin, hanahaki disease

➵ requested: yeeet

sept.30.2018  | 11:26pm

masterlist

••

part one | part two

it was 1997, the year of notorious b.i.g’s death and the year I was still twenty years out of style. it was also the year when I first encountered the mess and rollercoaster that is seo changbin.

like the clutz that I am, I dropped my cassette player on the sidewalk and just as I was reaching for it, the inked up pretty boy ran over it with his skateboard.

“murderer!” I yelled as I bent down to retrieve my now dented in cassette player.I heard the scratch of his wheels against the pavement, stopping only a few meters from me.

“we are three years from the turn of the century and you still have a cassette player?” he asked walking to me and when he reached for it, I yanked it away.

“it has aesthetic value thank you very much!” I respond, obviously salty. his hand was still outstretched as if frozen, tilting his head at me with amusement.

“so the black girl in bell bottom jeans from the 70s, with poetic justice braids, and a cassette player is talking about aesthetics? do you know what time period we are in?” I frowned taking off my backpack to stuff my cassette inside of it but he stopped me.

“okay I’m sorry, look I can get you another one. my family collects things like this, plus they aren’t that expensive nowadays,” his brown eyes sizing me up and down, i noticed that in the sunlight there was a flicker of gold in them.

“but mine was given to me by my grandma dude, it’s a classic, there’s no way you can find the same one,” I pouted a bit, scrunching my nose at the damage. the skater boy grinned at me and took a step back. “I told you I got you. what’s your name?”

“y/n, y/l/n,”

“oh I’m-“

you held up a hand to cut him off,”changbin seo, yes everyone knows you vice president of the fraternity, a frat that all have a bad habit of yelling at early hours of the evening in the dorms for their auditory pleasure.”

changbin chuckled, eyes glimmering now, biting his lip slightly.”okay miss sassy pants, I’ll find you again. it shouldn’t be that hard.” he responded, pointing to your pants again before he took off on his skateboard, not even glancing back.

of course it wasn’t hard to find me on campus. I was one of the few people of color on campus and i dressed like i were from a different decade. groaning, I stuffed the broken cassette player in my backpack and rushed off to the art department building, hoping that I wasn’t too late for class.

••

and changbin kept his promise. the next time i saw him, it was at a frat party that weekend. my roommate, and best friend,maya was going through yet another break up and i was playing the role of keeping her from doing something dumb.

so far, it wasn’t going well as she was in the center of the living room drunk off her ass and rapping to a ‘hypnotize’ by biggie as if it was her damn anthem.

I really was considering taking her back to the dorms and let her cry her anger out there, the brown liquor in my cup wasn’t doing anything to me and I was exhausted. but then, I saw changbin across the room.

he was standing at the bottom of the stairs, talking to the president of the frat, chris bang, and another frat boy hyunjin hwang. changbin didn’t look too happy and by the shape of his lips, I could see he was cursing. just as I was looking away, we met eyes and he stopped cursing for a second. then he whispered something to chris before he was making his way over to me.

“damnit,” I cursed under my breath, I began looking for maya but she was being crowded by more and more people, they were cheering her on and giving her the attention she craved. her brown skin glistened under the fluorescent lights and I really didn’t want to end her good night.

“you obviously look like you don’t want to be here.” his voice was loud over the music and I leaned away from how close he was.

“just watching over a friend,” I replied, nodding over to maya, changbin barely even glanced her way, as if he already knew who I was talking about. “hey I got the cassette. I mean, if you still want it.”

“you offered it didn’t you?” I questioned and changbin grinned before turning on his heel to lead the way.

his room was at the end of the hall, away from the loud music and yelling of drunk people. inside, it was pretty neat, a high stack of CDs by his window and a wall full of sketches and unfinished canvas’ on the other side of the room.

“you’re a art major?” I asked as he walked to his closet, he hummed,” yeah. I’m thinking of being a tattoo artist or something if the producing thing doesn’t work out.”

“ah, a man with a back up plan,” I said, suddenly uncomfortable when I realized we were in his room, by ourselves, with the door closed. he found what he was looking for and turned around, giving me a clear view of his outfit. he was wearing all black, a muscle tee that perfectly showed off his intricate tattoo designs and sweats, timberland’s completing the look.

he looked good and i didn’t like that i hadn’t stopped staring until he stopped a mere few steps from me.

in his hand was a cassette player that exactly resembled the one my grandma gave me. but it was empty of the scratches and little dents, empty of the memories. he even had a brand new pair of earphones attached to it. “I put a tape of my favorite songs inside so you can think of me, and also to get you modernized.”

I smiled shaking my head,”to always carry with me the memory of that day, why thanks seo.” changbin let out a breathless laugh as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. “chill with the sass huh,”

“sorry, no can do.” I sat down on his bed and set my drink beside me on the floor, changbin stood there awkwardly as I took out the tape to see the songs.

“you put all night long on here?! who would’ve known you had a good taste in music!” I basically screetched as I continued to look at the list of songs, shocked at his music taste.

“well I do have a minor in music appreciation, y/l/n.” I looked up at him to see him smiling shyly.

“noted,”I responded as I put the tape back in. I then took a huge swig of my drink before putting a earphone in my ear then patted beside me. “sit seo, you look a bit sad, listen to music with me.”

changbin eyed me weirdly for a moment but eventually he sat beside me and then I put a earphone in his ear and I pressed play, letting lionel richie’s voice soothe us.

it was weird at first to be sitting there with changbin, who I barely knew, but it was only after the song when he turned to me.

“could you... help me with something?”

“sure dude, since the best song has ended.”

“I’m having relationship issues. i don’t know if it’s the alcohol courage but I need a girl’s opinion.”

“I don’t know how much help I can be,but I’ll listen?”

changbin slowly slid the earphone from his ear and ran his fingers through his silky, jet black locks before he spoke.

“we met at a art exhibit actually. ironic? baby doll eyes, brown skinned and absolutely gorgeous in every way, she definitely looked like a art piece ya know? and she had tattoos just like me and I was feeling her vibe.”

I took a swig of my drink,knowing i was in for a story.”we didn’t have as much in common as I thought we would but she’s exciting and racing and she pulls me out of my comfort zone in ways no one ever really has. but we fight over everything, every single thing and I just don’t find it entertaining. it’s tiring and stressful and now we are fighting again just because I told her I wanted to leave college and become a tattoo artist.”

“why is she angry about that?”

“because it’s not a real career in her eyes. I write music and compose songs, she says that’s what I should stick to. but in my eyes, I don’t need college to write music or be a tattoo artist, so why am I paying thousands of dollars just for a teacher to teach me something I already know?”

I hummed as the sad boy ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, shaking his head as he did.“I love her so much but she’s killing me I swear.”

I thought over what to say for a moment,”well in this life, you can’t make decisions for other people. It’s your life so you must do what you want because you are living for you, not them. if she can’t support you, then why be in a relationship that’s obviously not benefiting you and making you happy?”

changbin kissed his teeth and set his head against one of the posters of his bed.”because I love her.”

“if you really loved her, you would’ve have already made the decision to drop out.”

“how did you know that?”

“so you did?”

he laughed and shrugged,”you are good. but I’ve talked to my counselor and she just wants me to give her the word.”

“changbin, if you and this girl were meant to be, then you shall be. but if this is really what you want to do, she will either have to just get over it or leave you. this relationship is becoming toxic and although I don’t know her side, it’s obvious the communication between the two of you is messed up.”

“oh yeah, it is, but yeah you’re right.. damn you are so right.” changbin looked at you in a amusement.”thank you for talking with me. I hope this wasn’t too awkward for you,” he coins but you just waved him off and put the earphone back in his ear.

“you just sat here and listened to this whole ass song with me, it was the least I could do.”

changbin bumped his shoulder with mine and allowed me to play the next song.

and that’s truly the first night seo changbin ever made me feel something, I wasn’t sure what, but I liked it, just a bit.

••

when I saw changbin again after that party, it was tuesday, taco tuesday as we all called it and he was with the tattooed beauty. a worldwide gorgeous girl no doubt but a girl that every guy I ever liked went for.

I was just going to pass him and act like we didn’t know each other to not be awkward but then he looked right at me, even with his arm around her shoulders and smiled at me. she barely noticed and they went on their merry way down the hall.

he never actually stopped for conversations and sometimes I’d catch him in the art studios in his own world and not know whether to speak or not. was changbin my friend? I wasn’t sure.

however, one sunny afternoon, he caught me sitting on the lawn and sat down beside me with a groan.

“y/l/n, why every time I see you, you’re alone? got a thing against people or somethin’?”

“im not much a entertainer. if it isn’t obvious,” the brown eyed boy snorted as he leaned on his elbow, stretching out on the grass comfortably.

“whatever you say y/l/n. maya tells me differently.” I rolled my eyes,”maya is full of shit, so stop listening to her okay? anyway, what do you want seo? where’s the tattooed beauty?”

changbin shrugged his shoulders,”we’re on a break so who knows and who cares?”

“wait, are you still leaving?”

changbin sighed glancing around,”hmm, no, I’m thinking of just finishing out the year.”

I nodded,not going to push it to know why. I wasn’t sure why but a little happiness exploded in my gut at the thought of him sticking around a bit longer.

but our conversations grew from there. we talked about music and art, his family and their antique shop that he adored. he had a bad habit of clowning my ‘out of date’ fashion but eventually it was just compliments that always happened to make my day.

I liked changbin seo, he was nice company and he had a big heart.

but it was soon after finally admitting that to myself did the feeling appear. like a pile of bricks were being rooted into my stomach and I was sure I just had a stomach virus or something.

but boy was I wrong.

“maybe you should go to bed early tonight, the art project can wait.” changbin complained through the phone and I rolled my eyes, rubbing my stomach. the phone was balanced between my cheek and shoulder as my other hand was doing the finishing touches on this sketch for a family portrait. I eyed the grins I drew of my parents but the sad eyes they carried and smiled at how perfectly I caught them.

“only losers do that.” I replied and changbin let out a heartfelt laugh,”you bum, seriously I will drag you to the hospital myself if you don’t go and see if it’s serious.”

“changbin I’m sure-“ I stopped abruptly when I felt something rising in my throat.

I didn’t even hang up the phone as I dropped it by the canvas and ran to my bathroom, sliding across the floor and barely getting my throw up in the toilet.

I gripped the sides of the toilet tightly as the contents of my stomach emptied into the bowl. it was so painful that my eyes swelled up with tears and my throat felt raw.

when I was just heaving, I looked into the toilet and was confused by the sea of calla lilies that decorated the toilet bowl and seat. “what the fuck?” I murmured as I picked up one of them and examined it. quickly I stuffed the ones on the seat into the toilet and flushed it.

did I just throw up flowers? I was so confused that I had almost forgot changbin was still on the phone.

when I returned, he was rapping along to some song.

“changbin, not today with those lame ass raps,” i rasped and he chuckled,”I’m hoping that you threw up as a reason you just abandoned your sentence,” I rubbed my forehead, picking at the fabric of my hair wrap.

“um yeah, yeah I did.”

“and do you feel better?” i bit my lip still feeling the rock hard feeling in my stomach.

“oh yeah, I feel better. look i’ll call you tomorrow okay?”

“yeah sure, night puff head.”

I smiled rolling my eyes at his stupid nickname for me.”

“night binnie.”

as I hung up, I heard maya enter the bathroom and she started giggling.she peaked her head out of the bathroom door and smiled at me.

“dude I don’t know what this means but there’s a calla lily in our toilet, is that a sign for something? like good luck?”

I looked away shaking my head,”I have no idea. that’s really weird.”

“right?! maybe it’s a sign that I should call ryan, maybe he wants to get back together.”

distracted, I just went back to sketching, rubbing my throat absentmindedly.

“yeah..maybe so.”

••

[avaquet]

Ev’s Family

Well, here is Evelyn Lavellan and how she looks before the Conclave is destroyed. But, I talk a lot about her, so why not her family? Especially since her father makes an appearance in my long-fic, and will play a big role later.

Sometimes it helps to know more about the author before delving into these things, don’t worry, you won’t get my life story, far from that. But, I know how things might look, especially here on tumblr and I’m Paranoid.

TL;DR - I am the first one from my father’s side to be born on the mainland. My father, who’s Hawaiian, does have darker skin than both my mother and I. My mother is basically transparent. I came out looking like a copy of my mother because genetics are really fehking weird. Ev’s family line exhibits similar features in that regard, as in Ev looks quite similar to her own mother, which y’all will see shortly.

Also! Fair warning, there are mentions of abuse (because for some sadistic reason I can’t let my OCs have a normal happy childhood)

Here is Evelyn’s mother; Valonna Lavellan. Valonna came from the Kirkwall alienage in search of a better life. She changed her last name and got her vallaslin soon after Clan Lavellan accepted her as part of the family. Valonna has skills in duel-wielding daggers and knows how to keep them hidden from prying eyes, her own parents taught her how to do that. She escaped from the alienage with the help of a human named Evelyn, which inspired her to name her own child down the line.

Valonna found peace in Lavellan, she was good at helping trade with the humans that often came by. Sometimes dwarves. But, she was excellent at bargaining and got to work closely with other members of the clan in doing so. Valonna found herself getting attached to someone who checked in frequently, not a trader himself, but the First of clan Lavellan in training, Taelhen. They became close friends after a while, sharing stories about childhood or the troubles they got into, well Valonna was more of a rebellious child then Taelhen.

Soon, that friendship blossomed another seed in the pot of their relationship. Attraction and romance. They were a cute couple, and many deemed their romance as successful and beautiful. And it was. They shared many laughs and many stories, and were together for about half a decade before finally becoming bond mates. Valonna felt amazing that day, she thought the tradition was beautiful, poetic, symbolic. It was probably the happiest day in her life.

(WARNING)Later, well, Evelyn was born. Though, there was a shift in dynamic. Valonna became more easily irritated, and though Evelyn was planned, it was like Valonna didn’t want to be a mother anymore. She missed Ev’s first steps, first words, first book, first...everything pretty much. And most seconds, too. Valonna focused more and more on her work within the clan as if to escape from home. She became less and less patient and more and more annoyed with her own child. Of course Taelhen had to work, he was First to the clan and had an extremely symbolic and vital role. But he still put more time into raising Ev and caring for her than Valonna did when she was supposed to be watching Ev.

(W)It started off small. The first few months when Ev was an infant, Valonna seemed so much different than what she grew into. She was so happy to be a mother. But then, she started dreading the responsibility. She became irritated, grouchy, angry when Ev cried, though she would still do the responsibility, just not in a kind way. Then she began to ignore Ev for periods of time. Then she left the house more and more. Then came the emotional quips and jabs. Then when Evelyn was about five years old, Valonna got physical. But only once, as Taelhen walked in the moment Valonna struck Ev, and from that moment on Valonna was not welcome around either Ev or Taelhen and later on the Keeper exiled her. Though, Valonna found another clan, even if they were reluctant to accept her.

(W)She does regret what she did, she didn’t realize how far she had fallen. But the damage she caused, was unforgivable to Taelhen, and would drastically affect Evelyn down the line. With one hit, Valonna caused much physical damage but a shit ton more emotional. It was a backhanded swing in the form of a fist, over something so small as Ev accidentally looking in a sweets jar. Ev was betrayed, severely hurt and afraid, bleeding from the lip and back of her head as the force of the blow caused her head to knock a corner. A bruised jawbone, a black eye, welts, and a concussion. Not to mention the absolute hole in Ev’s heart, where Ev said to Taelhen, “Paba, my heart is crying.”

Valonna was never seen by Clan Lavellan again. Or heard from. Though, she does live in another clan far, far away.

And here is Evelyn’s father, Taelhen Lavellan. A direct descendant of Lavellan themselves. A mage, the First to clan Lavellan when he came of age. He is the child of Lavellan and an island clan, bringing the two clans closer together and sharing more of traditions. The two clans visited each other quite often as well. As one may notice three prominent features of Taelhen, he has vitiligo, heterochromia, and a Mallen streak in his hair. (A/N: this was photoshopped, I am unaware of any mods that allow these, also that dark spot in his ear I just noticed and might’ve been an accident during the photoshop process)

See, now we must go into Clan history. (HC) Before Taelhen was of age, or old enough to remember, his father was the Keeper of the clan. Father, came from Lavellan, while the mother came from the island clan (A/N: I’m still trying to figure out a name for the clan please be patient with me). Though, his father wasn’t a very good leader to say the least, and after a while realized this and left the clan without a trace. Which was irresponsible to say the least. Taelhen’s mother was not a mage, but a clan hunter, and so Deshanna as she was First, became Keeper. When Taelhen got older, his magical prowess became more and more defined. He also had an eagerness to learn, and is extremely patient. Meditative one might say. So, when he came of age, he was announced as First. His mother, sadly, passed away during a hunting accident about a year after Ev was born.

His demeanor is calm and sympathetic. He is in love with life and the world and he can find beauty in the smallest of creatures, like an ant. He is also in gratitude of said creatures and plants. He’s nurturing, caring, and also powerful. Because of his collectiveness, he doesn’t often panic, but he does think fast. His patience rewarded him as he reached the pinnacle of his magical power, being as strong as his personal connection to the Fade allows. In battle, he seems to show no emotion, but being hit by his magic would be akin to a dragon falling on your face. Of course, his judgment, despite thinking fast, might not be the best at times. Especially when he has to think fast.

He fell in love with Valonna after spending much time together, as he caught himself gazing into her eyes and internal thoughts being just how wonderful of a person she is. He would describe it as a fairy-tale. Though, Valonna was the one the initiated the relationship because he can be quite shy. They got bonded and he would say that it was one of the happiest days in his life.

the happiest day of his life was when he held Ev for the first time in his arms. He did his best to be there for her when Valonna refused to. Taelhen was so concerned with Ev, that he didn’t quite see what was happening to Valonna. Though, after a while he did seem to fall out of love with Valonna due to her not helping and distance. It was the most stressful time of his life, juggling parenthood and his role in the clan. The only reason he kept Valonna around was for the minuscule help she did give, though he didn’t know exactly what she was doing. He had a gut feeling. And he followed that gut feeling which led him to walking in on Valonna striking Ev.

He was filled with rage and was actually about to strike Valonna down, but his concern for Ev was much more. Taelhen forced Valonna out of the house and went straight to work on caring for Ev. Using magic to bring potions and poultices, bandages and ointments from around the home. Using magic to heat and cool the wet rag he offered. Using magic to make Ev laugh. Consoling her, calming her down. Talking to her and repeating over and over again, “It’s not your fault, Ev.” Though, he would feel guilty for not seeing things sooner for a long time.

He needed help raising Ev because of how demanding things could be, but Ev was getting older now so she actually accompanied him when he was doing his work. Which got Ev close to Deshanna and she became more of a mother to her. They got to help and watch her grow, they got to witness her magic. They even got to see her Dreamer abilities come out, which surprised both of them because Dreamers are exceptionally rare. Ev’s magic grew and grew over the years, and she had an affinity to learning, puzzles, and adventure. Ev loved nature, and art, and general romanticism. Which, sounded familiar. Though, she had a stronger connection to the Fade and could be more powerful than pretty much everyone else in the clan. That’s when both Taelhen and Deshanna decided that Ev would be First, Taelhen had happily accepted the position of Second. Though, when Ev joined the Inquisition, he would return to his position as First. A lot of jumbling happened.

Well, that’s Ev’s family! Blood family anyways, tis quite small as she’s an only child and never really got to meet her grandparents. But her chosen family and Clan Family well...is quite large. I like to HC that Lavellan is over 100 strong with over 50 mages. And despite the trauma she had when she was five, she did end up living a pretty wonderful childhood. Though, the trauma still bleeds into her daily life, just not as bad as when she was younger. Ev is recovering! And she was loved and supported in her clan just as much as she gave love and support to them.

[chimcharstar]

ANSWER 1 THROUGH 65 HO

65 Questions You Aren't Used To

WPOOOOO LETS GO 

Y E E T

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

nnnnooooooo. its called holding onto my last marble.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

1. sometimes i can freak myself out going to the bathroom at night but bro. i take walks at like 11pm or whenever the hell i please. and i LIKE IT.

3. The person you would never want to meet?

i would not care to meet dick face

4. What is your favorite word?

worm

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

well darn i dont really knowwww!!!!!!! the big jungle one from minecraft. but i love weeping willows of course.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

i didnt think

7. What shirt are you wearing?

my pyjama shirt from new vegas. las vegas. oh my god. not that i went there. my friend did. ive been wearing it for 3 days now. because its fine.

8. What do you label yourself as?

androgynouOOUUSSSSSSS i heard it described the most accurately for me as “in between blue and pink, purple is a blend while not being either of them.” yes this SPECIFICALLY. i could never be feminine while female presenting, but now that im usually read as masculine i go around seeming gay as fuck. and even though this sounds like heresy considering how i instinctively want to throat punch people who feminize me, i have comfortably considered myself a woman lately ONLYYYYYYYY BY being as butch as a butch can possibly butch. maybe without the cars. i would NEVER go by she/her NEVER NEVER NEVER. like there literally are butch women who go on T and use he/him pronouns. that brings me euphoria too and i find people reallllyyyyyy get mind-bent at this point. i really also get irritated at the idea that identifying with both lessens one or the other... thats why i like the purple thing so much. like im 100% of the thing. i was watching on queer eye, once, there was this part where all these women met up and one of them who was really masculine was saying how “a woman can look like this too” and i was like “i am probably crying for an important reason right now” and sometimes i feel attraction to women that is nOT of the ManTM just... i can do what i want. 

but my point is it’s like im only happy if i have a blend. theres even a particular quality of it i can put my finger on, like a rugged, handsome feel... and then a flamboyant, passionate feel... mix em all up... 

9. Bright room or dark room?

BRIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT 

GUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

transition juice, or fucking around with cs paint with some gentle existential dread

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

this one, because my life is not hell, and i know a few basics about adulting now

12. Who told you they loved you last?

the sister. i said it for damage control because she had blown a fuse the other day. i was being very fake on purpose because i’m not being vulnerable with someone who will blow up. when she says it all i feel is pain. like cold paralyzing needles in my soul. i cant say i love you to her and mean it, even if i want to. honestly i wish people would say this to me. the most i love yous i remember are from family members putting band aids on the wreckage of our relationships, so i can feel a little twang of guilt and longing for what could have been and should have been. and feel like i should be doing something more. and feeling awkward because you both know they fucked up and it’s the elephant in the room. and i can feel their confusion and sickness causing them pain, feeling that pain for them. 

13. Your worst enemy?

hmmm. anyone who made me feel like less than i am. anyone 

14. What is your current desktop picture?

cherry blossoms and a city at night that i stole off the internet

15. Do you like someone?

like like crushes right? i fucking wish. i am so god damn sick of myself. i dont feel fuck or shit for anyone. its a fucking wasteland. yes im on T so i want to fuck anything that moves. and yet? can i please have some feelings? please may i have some feelings? not aesthetic appreciation. not moral, personality appreciation. or even just a deep respect and compassion. these are all fine things of course. but cant someone just drive me crazy? cant i have that extra spice of life? cant i just have a little bit of happy crazy? i will know a perfectly lovely person and ill WANT to have feelings for them. but i FUCKEN DONT. I DONT!!!! SHIT!!!!! WHAT IS THE MEANIGN?!?!??!??!?!1 i have fucking YET to meet anyone im more obsessed with than some really gay ocs. come on universe!!!! bring it!!! poor oscar. poor fucking oscar. whatever wavelength im vibing on man you are not on it. i wish you were on it. i wish you were on it oscar. you are hot you are hot with your bike oscar. and the rose quartz i gave you. the rose quartz you wanted. but i feel no authentic electric connection to you. i feel like all i just see is how your brain works with a coolheaded certainty. all i do is analyze what you are wearing so i can be as hot as you. maybe id like to draw you. and girls from work. you are so beautiful and amazing. i see you in bikinis on instagram. and im like oh beauty standards. look at you go, adhering to them. my heart rate goes right along at the same old pace. dont tell me this is principles. does someone have to smell bad? like edward cullen?? CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST SEDUCE ME?!!!?? ID LOVE SOME EXTRA WILL TO LIVE! THEN MY STORIES WILL BE BETTER!!!! see this is the whole problem

16. The last song you listened to?

what am i to you by finn the human or actually that asgore fight song that i do not know the context of and dont want to until i play the game for myself

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

i would save this button for a karen.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

jk rowling. every time i see her face in a news article about why her bland new transphobia anvil book is pretty bland without addressing the raging transphobia in it and around it, i take a minute and contemplate shoving a pie in her face, and agonizing that i cannot do it from this distance.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

a... slave? is this a kink thing? im fucking laughing this is going to be so honest. probably a toxic person from my past i have unresolved sexual tension with, especially since i was in my abused kid shell and was a huge doormat so now im all vengeful with issues. since this is totally something i am open to considering right now i would like to browse this concept’s menu

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

yknow what? yknow what? i am just going to say all of me. i am feeling very body positive right now. i often feel isolated as fuck because of trans stuff and male body standards, but thats Also What Makes Me Special :) i like me, i like my face, i think i am very cool and unique, and i can walk fast.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

GOD DAMN IT THIS FUCKING QUESTION AGAIN

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

yes. but it’s a secret.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

deep sea creatures. idk. even if its small and not even ugly. i just lose my fucking mind. i jump out of my chair. i get the heebies and the jeebies.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

okay. chicken. cheese. something spicy so it wont be boring. a fuck ton of veggies so i can be healthy. and some olives, fuck olive haters.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

IM GOING TO GIVE IT TO MY LANDLORD <3

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

mexico city to see what all my friends are talking about.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

............................................................................

w    h       y

okay. i would go around tasting a bunch of fucking. really fancy old wines. listen i dont really drink okay. but with a very fancy old wine i can go around with a like, glass and look really sophisticated and tell gay things to gay people. hello boys. so id find one that strategically i would like the most for the rest of my life and choose it. and if its expensive i can sell it.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

i would stick a bell in the middle of it and all of us have to go there at six o’clock and throw bread at each other and fuck.

29. What is your favorite expletive?

cunt. i dont really use it ever, but boy it can pack a punch! 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

that means my trees because theyre living things? good. my phone. i need it to function. everything else i have on the clouds and i can just write on a napkin if i really need.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

:( 

i wanna say nothing because the good and the bad made me who i am and all that. and they’re learning experiences and healthy stuff. but some of my sisters abuse that has destroyed my psyche, literally just ruined my life, it would make things easier if that hadnt happened.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

WHAT I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS LIFE STOP TELL ME HOW I GET THERE

Okay i’m moving to... greece and i’m going to study ancient greek everything and live right on the edge of the sea where the water’s lapping the doorsteps. and im gonna learn greek by immersion

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

i am not surprised whatsoever death is a cool entity.

probably someone who died really sadly and too soon in my life (no one close to me thank god) but just as a service to society

34. What was your last dream about?

wolves with bombs were chasing me around a giant university. it was all part of the game. i was trying to protect some people... soldiers were chasing me... i was hiding under the floor... hiding from authorities and war are VERY common dreams for me

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

Writer? Yes. am i saying that to sound full of myself? no. i am fighting very hard to maintain some self-confidence. i have done some writing recently and i am proud as fuck of myself. i caught myself thinking, “now that was banging, i know that was banging.” and so i just admitted it to myself.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

nooooot reeeaaaalllyyyyyy. i went in an ambulance for my face swelling up! still dont know if i needed to. still think i was allergic to the person i was talking to at the time. seriously when i stopped talking to them the hives went away. they literally gave me hives sdjfnskjndsjknfkjsfnjskdnfdsjknfjknf

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

they have inuyashas on them

39. What type of music do you like?

dark, longing, aching, angry, raw, disappointed, serious, low songs that get intense as fuck.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises for the concept, sunsets for the looks

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

you know what? i dont really like milkshakes. they dont feel good in my tummy even if it’s not my stomach having a fucking meltdown.

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

the fuck is football

43. Do you have any scars?

yes, most of them are from dermatillomania, two big cool-looking ones on my hands from touching a cookie sheet without an oven mitt and pouring microwaved coffee all over my thumb because literally every inch of the counter had a foot of dishes on it and i didn’t simply heat up the water normally because everything was dirty

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

i want to be a psychologist and an author

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

id like a dong please

46. Are you reliable?

yeeeeeesssssss...... but the adhd wins sometimes

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

future self: even if you’re in a worse off place than where i am right now, don’t regret anything, don’t beat yourself up. sometimes it’s realistic to have hope. you don’t have to be hard on yourself all the time just because it’s familiar and natural to you. so stop thinking “if i see a note from my past self ill be filled with rueful self awareness”

48. Do you hold grudges?

yes. i feel like im saving my soul a little and taking some power back when i am able to say “that hurt, that was wrong, and you don’t get access to me anymore, i don’t have to forgive you” it’s admitting that my own pain is real so i can listen to and protect myself. i wish i was more of a forgiving person but i spent too much time trying to forgive unorganically for the sake of being moral that i just can’t, can’t can’t now. it hurts so existentially and i deserve better. time for me to be mean and hold grudges. a little mean is okay.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

a DOG  CAT????????

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

“doesn’t having a human-shaped robot with smoke coming out of it in the corner of your shop scare you late at night?”

“yes, sometimes i see it and jump a little”

51. Are you a good liar?

yes, when i’m dedicated. getting my birth certificate back? oscar worthy

52. How long could you go without talking?

i live like this lmao

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

once upon a time i had bangs. and a bob cut

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

yes bitch

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

yes bitch i can do a convincing british accent but i don’t want to broadcast that fact because being british is cringe and plus my name is gordon and im already trans and interested in cooking and my greatest fear is that people think i am trying to become him when i am deeply offended when people assume i make personal decisions for anyone other than myself. no one has ever actually voiced this theory to me but it haunts me late at night. i can honestly probably do any accent if i listen to it for a little bit. i find it very easy to imitate sounds and like individual speaking styles to the point of stealing them even when i dont want to. like actually this is something that just comes to me easily i think.

56. What do you like on your toast?

fuck toast. i make a grill cheese. cheese and garlic.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

i tried digitally painting a generic girl who ended up looking really simliar to someone i went to school with only i made the eyes way too small and i would show you except it’s too much work

58. What would be you dream car?

vw bug with giant monster wheels, black with flames, big booming stereo. eyelashes in a drag way. ill run pickup trucks off the road

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

i sang in the shower back when i felt free to annoy everyone in the house. oH WAIT IT DOESNT ANNOY PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND TO ME

...........

they taught me i was annoying. ANYWAY. i am too shy to sing in the shower but id love to. i dont really do anything unusual except that i take really long in there but yknow im not actually doing what people think im doing when i take long. im literally just sitting there decomposing, head empty.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yes, of course, i have been telling everyone theres water under mars since day one and now look. now look

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

yes. im a sagittarius and clearly it is needed because CLEARLY theres no other fucking sagittariuses

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

G, because my name starts with that and i’m just great. really, i like... it has a chonk to it. like a reliable chonk to it

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

YKNOW WHAT? im going with dragons because of the fantasy, fire breathing and so on but yknow for my wip i was going to have both dragons and dinosaurs at a reptile like shelter

64. What do you think about babies?

i think they should be loved and nurtured, but they are too much work for me to want for myself at this point of life, and you should definitely read some manuals before having one if you can because people can and do mess this the fuck up

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

you didn’t ask anything here so im just going to tell you something. i am going to tell you that i have always been so hell bent on writing even when i hate it because sometimes when things are going well i feel like i am just so in another world and i feel like im doing something im really really supposed to do. it is such a euphoria and it has an effect on my whole aura. i really wish i had never made myself stop but we can’t change the past so i shall just have to never stop again.

THANKS HOOOOO

[franeridart]

Whats your opinion on the headcanon that bakugou is hard of hearing because of how loud his explosions are? If you dont mind my asking

I think I answered this q on this blog already? Maybe? But anyway, I don’t exactly mind it, but I can’t say I share the headcanon myself - for one, because I’m of the opinion that their bodies are built to withstand a safe use of their quirks (a bit like you can’t break a leg by simply walking, you know), so in general I’m not a fan of headcanons that include damages caused by simply doing what their bodies were born to do? 

But also because generally, even under the assumption that his body isn’t made to hold up with his explosions, isn’t it awfully convenient how only his ears take damage in these scenarios? What about his eyes? How come he can still see with no problems even with the continuous exposure to the explosions’ light? How about his hair? How come he can stand so close to fire without it ever being damaged by it? His palms have thicker skin and we know that thanks to his UA file, but what about the rest of his body? How come he can stand smack in the middle of an Howitzer Impact without getting even slightly burnt? When you say “only his ears aren’t made to withstand his explosions” what you’re telling me is that his whole body is tailord to deal with his quirk but his ears, and that just feels unrealistic to me - by which I mean, when this is the scenario we’re talking about, you can’t give the fault of the damage to Bakugou’s quirk. It’s a problem his body has, not a natural consequence of having that sort of quirk. And imho with those premises you sort of end up with a different kind of story, you’re supposed to write it differently - that’s what I think, at least

Anon said:Maybe the reason Baku raises his voice so often is because he can’t hear very well, which isn’t due to his explosions, rather, he was born with bad hearing to protect him from taking damage by them.. and then his other senses are sharper to even it out, and his body can even subconsciously notice air vibrations, resulting in really fast reflexes.

Ah, this is also another reason why I’m not a huge fan of the headcanon - don’t get me wrong! If you like it then go on, I’m not trying to stop anyone from enjoying ideas and possibilities!! But personally I like Bakugou not having any reason to be loud-mouthed and rude, that’s just his personality and how the environment he grew up in made him, and lately I’ve seen the hc used to justify his behaviour more than I like? Bakugou being an asshole is just who he is, and I love it! I love that his life made him like that and I love that he’s working hard to fix that flaw, giving him an external reason, something he has no control over, to justify his personality changes the core of his character too much, and that’s not something I’d ever want to do tbh

And it’s also cool to think that he was somewhat genetically engineered to be better in a fight to compensate for a lack of earing (though again, why only his ears and not his eyes or his sense of tact too), but that goes to cut on all the hard work he put in becoming as good as he is, right? If that’s what you like than who am I to stop you! But Bakugou’s hardworking nature is one of the things I love about him, I don’t really feel like taking away from him all the effort and work he put through the years in becoming as good as he is now

Anon said: Kiri’s grades suddenly getting sky high after Baku started kissing his cheek for every correct answer

Kirishima: “OKAY NEXT CHAPTER LET’S GO”

Bakugou: “the fuck, no, we’re done, that’s how far we went in cla��”

Kirishima: “GOING A BIT AHEAD CAN’T BE A PROBLEM CAN IT”

Anon said: Kiri is seriously talented at dirt doodles

lmao it’s just stickmen hahaha

Anon said:aww your miri/tama collage is so precious! have you considered doing something like that for kiri/ kami as well? those boys are in desperate need of some love.. totally understand if not! have a wonderful rest of your day/night :3

Uh, well, it’s not like I “haven’t considered” doing it, but more than a collage it’s… just how I always draw? Only usually I cut the pics for each of them to be a different image so they’re easier to see, while yesterday I was too lazy to do that and left them all on the same canvas haha so I guess yeah next time I’ll feel like drawing krkm if you’d like I can leave the drawings all in one pic, that’s just less work for me after all lol

Anon said:Ahhhhhh~ I had had… Such a need for miritama after that chapter and I couldn’t find anything w the right feel or anything and ??? Then you just??? Bless you thank you they look wonderful and so so soft and happy and I’m just !!!

AHHHH!!!! Thank you so much!!!! I’m glad you liked them :O

Anon said:thank you good lord you’re gonna help me get out of the depressive spiral chapter 152 has put me into

BOI ANON DON’T I FEEL YOU it’s why I drew those to being with hahaha

Anon said:DUDE YOUR PINING KIRISHIMA GOT ME DEAD HOLY FUCK SO PURE SO AWESOME 10/10

THANK YOU!!!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ 

Anon said: I just recently became obsessed with MomoJirou because it’s an incredible ship and I can’t get enough and then you give us these adorable drawings of them? I cry

Anon said:fran….your girls…… they’re so good……..

Anon said:I love how you drew Momo 😍

Anon said:FRAN THANK YOU FOR THE MOMOJIROU CONTENT I LOVE IT I LIVE FOR IT I HAVE BEEN DEPRIVED OF MOMOJIROU FOR SO LONG AND NOW I CAN SEE SOME BEAUTIFUL ART OF THEM IN YOUR STYLE WHICH MAKES IT TEN TIMES BETTER THANK YOU

AAAAHHHHHHHHH BOI THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! I’m ??? so glad you guys liked them???? Momo is so hard to get a grasp on for me, it makes me happy to know I did her right!!!!

Anon said:What do you think about futakuchi? xox

He’s my fav in Dateko!!!! Also one of my two biggest #same in Haikyuu haha (the other’s Kuroo lol)

Anon said: I haven’t seen semi on your blog for a while? ;)

That’s 100% most probably because there hasn’t been any haikyuu on my blog for a while, I’d say :O

Anon said:You keep drawing… So many soft things I’m in love… momojirou is so sweet it cleared my skin (and !!! I know you said you have no idea how to draw her but she looks wonderful and I loved it!!) And pining Kiri his face at the end??? Saved me. And STUDY DATE I CAN’T FORGET tbh baku looked so good esp the way you drew him kiri I Understand. Anyways you’re a blessing and I hope you have a lovely day!!!

God anon….. you just go……….. and slay me like this……. how am I supposed to deal………………………. (ilu)

Anon said:Does the Octopus Team still exist? I was scrolling through Shouji tags and saw the art.

I’m not sure what this ask means :O like, are you asking me if I’ll ever draw them together again? Because tbh that one doodle sort of just… happened while I was doing something else……… oops….

Anon said:Is it just me or are you getting more and more notes a lot quicker? Bc congrats my friend

:O thanks!!! But to be fair I think more than on my art this is mostly on the Bakushima becoming a much more popular ship, lately! The anime will do that haha

Anon said: I literally check your blog multiple times every day to see if you’ve posted anything new, your art just makes me so happy??? Like it could literally be bakugou as an orange and kirishima as a strawberry and I would reblog it faster than lightning and stare at it for five mins. Your style is just so nice and it like…. flows well?? Is really clean??? IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE IT MY DUDE but BASICALLY i love everything you do and thanks for blessing us with all the cute kiribakus and bokuroo :))

sob thank you ;O; so much ;O; holy shit ;O; ;O;

Anon said:So I’m new to the BNHA fandom and you’re probably the first artist I stumbled across but I am HOOKED. I love your bakushima A LOT and your headcanons are so perfect I get so hype when I see them on my dashboard *v* Do you ever think about what would happen if Bakugou’s family found out about his new relationship? Do you think they would love Kirishima? (Of course they would it’s impossible not to). I imagine that would be an interesting scenario!!

I’m 100% sure Mitsuki would be like “HOW THE FUCK did you manage to get such a nice kid to like you” but when we’re being honest Masaru is a super sweet man married with a firecracker too so does she have any right to talk? Nope, she does not 

And thank you so much for the compliments!!!! :O this fandom is super full of talented and nice people, I hope you’ll have a great time in it!

Anon said:Dude like mate honey love bunch bro man,,,,, YOUR FR*CKING ART!!!! SO H*CKING GOOD???? BAKUKIRI (cries because I love them so f*dging much) LOOK SO GOOD IN YOUR ART STYLE? SO PURE! WHOLESOME!!! I just went through your art tag for the last hour and I love everything. Kirishima is my FAVE I LOVE HIM!!!$ and the Baku squad mm mmmmmm good shiz right there. AND YUUJIIIIII AND BOKKUROOOOO AND THE VOLTRON AU!!!! Honestly we have such similar tastes ah. Anyway I’m running out of words love you fran xox

HOLY HECK I LOVE YOU A LOT TOO ANON!!!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE KIND WORDS!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Kirishima and bakugo furiously (not mad just intense) making out I know what your thinking but please give it a try

I mean the idea isn’t something I mind at all, but drawing this sort of things requires a specific mood for me which isn’t easy to come by and more often then not when I do draw that sorta stuff I don’t finish nor post it? So in general that’s not the type of things I’ll draw as a suggestion, sorry orz

Anon said: Whenever I see a new post from you but it’s reblogged I immediately go to your original post so I can read your tags. I love them so much!

Heck !!!!! I’m glad you enjoy my nonsense? hahaha

Anon said:*whispers* hey hey…. kiribaku hide and seek got any thoughts on that

Are you asking about one against the other or hiding together? …either way I can only see that ending in disaster and explosions ngl lol

Anon said:It came to my mind after reading your last comic that Baku usually dresses up pretty nice¿? Its canon that his family works for the fashion industry and his costume is SO EXTRA™, we never really see him in cringey or weird clothing (please correct me if I’m wrong (?)) but I still like the idea of him having lots of skull/punk tees and struggling to find normal stuff lol

Wouldn’t call them cringey or weird, but it is canon that every time we’ve seen him out of his costume/uniform in the manga he’s worn either plain black tees/tank tops or t-shirts with skulls on them :O that’s actually his canon style, I wasn’t taking a wild guess back there haha

Anon said:I miss your art on my feed on the days you don’t art. So I scroll through your old posts whenever that happens. (This is not a plea or pressure for you to do anything more often btw. You make so much amazing art and contribute so much to this fandom. I love going back and looking at all your art. We are not worthy!) I literally can’t think about Kiribaku and the Bakusquad without thinking of your art.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you!!!!! Oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;O; 

Anon said:Cons of Kirishima being the protagonist of MHA: He would constantly be hurting himself and making us as the audience suffer in the worst way. Pros: if the recent chapters are anything to go by, he would be /very very pretty/ by now due to how much he’s been beaten up

I still prefer him healthy and happy tho ｡ﾟ(*´□`)ﾟ｡ once in a hospital bed is enough for me //sob

Anon said:I can’t describe how happy these deathstar doodles made me?? Your art is top notch as always but you drawing one of my all time favorite ships when there’s so little content for them gave me strenght for the next 57 years, thank you sm!!! And have a good day!!

Anon said:Ahhh you have no idea how much of a blessing it is to see deathstar in your artttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!! I love you so muchhhhhh!!!

I’M!!! HAPPY!!! YOU GUYS LIKED THOSE!!!!! I never understood why there was so little content for them tbh, like??? Okay the anime didn’t reach any of The Good Stuff for them and most fans never read the manga, but the manga makes them such an obvious ship?? So good so right so healthy and supportive and beautiful b o y rereading that manga gave me a lot of feelings bless the two of them ｡：ﾟ(｡ﾉω＼｡)ﾟ･｡

Anon said:Oh my god, I was just looking through like all your art and I realized how much you’ve improved. Like oh my god you’re fantastic, all your art looks so great. I mean this as a compliment and that’s you’ve improved a lot and you’re so great. ❤️❤️

THANK YOU OH BOY (●´□`)♡ this means…………….so much…………. gahh

Anon said:i got so busy with college apps and entrance exams that I stopped watching the anime around the intern time and I stopped reading the manga around about the time sun eater faces off against those guys. man I have so much to catch up on but I still don’t have much time at all. all I know is Mirio is being an angel and I’m at peace with that.

Mirio………… is such a good boy……………….. he deserves so much more…………….. so much better………………….. o

[isabeau25]

Get To Know Your Author

Tagged by @eastofthemoon!

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

There’s a book called Dove Isabeau that I loved as a kid, and also I loved the movie Ladyhawk, and Isabeau was one of the main characters.

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos).

Room with a View (although Can’t Take the Sky From Me was a very close second  - I had to do actual math to figure it out; I’m impressed I remember how to math.)

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

I don’t have one. I never bothered to upload it. If I did, it would be the same as the one for this account. It’s my cat Nibbs laying on my foot not long after we found him in my parents’ backyard. I use it because he’s cute and fluffy, and because I don’t like pictures of me floating around the internet.

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

I love all my commenters! It’s always exciting to get the notice that someone took the time to comment and I go back and reread them all all the time.

@maychorian​ has commented on a bunch of my Voltron fics (almost all of them I think), and I’m always super excited when I see her comments because she leaves such excellent and well thought out ones.

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

Hound by story_monger I come back to because it’s so well done. The writing is fantastic, and the sense of suspense is amazing, and I really love the way it dealt with different layers of trauma and wove together the way past trauma continued to impact how present trauma was processed and dealt with. Plus the team was wonderfully tender with Keith, and he got cuddles.

Hyggelig by heyheroics I’ve gone back and reread a couple times. It is an example of the ever rare, non-romantic Keith and Lance center story. Well written and even though it’s not finished, the chapters read as short stories, so I’m not left with cliff hangers. I’m always excited when it updates.

I reread pieces from @maychorian​ all the time, particularly from the Boom Crash series and the Dream Seam series (*whispers* a lot of the time I skip straight to the cuddles. She writes the best cuddles.)

The Raised by Lions series by @eastofthemoon​ I like to go back and reread. Red and her strange furless cub are super fun to read about, and then Shiro comes along and there is even more fluff and cuddles.

Basically there’s a shortage of platonic fluff and cuddles in the Voltron fandom and when I run out, I go back and re-read my favorite cuddles.

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

I have like 12 bookmarked and 4 subscriptions. I always forget that’s a thing you can do on AO3.

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

.... so many. I’ve been working on The Five Lion Cafe au lately, trying to finish up the next one (almost done *fingers crossed*), and Mermaid Rescue and Rehab Inc. is up next on my list to finish, so I’ve been picking on that. 

I’d like to get back to Babe’s in Space at some point. I have general outlines for lots of short stories in that AU, and there actually is a bigger over arching plot if I ever get to it.

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

91 subscriptions and 992 bookmarks

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

Mostly platonic physical intimacy, just because I don’t want to deal with it being labeled as romantic or shippy (I guess that’s not so much a fear of being judged as just not feeling like dealing with other people’s reactions). Once something is posted, you have no control over how it’s received or interpreted. That’s just the nature of publishing something; you have to let it go (or drive yourself crazy trying to force people to see it only the way you want, which is just not worth the time or energy).

Because of that, I sometimes pull back from writing a scene as intimate as I’d like, or I choose a slightly different approach to it, just because I don’t want to deal with seeing it labeled as a ship in the tags and comments.

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

Action sequences and creating suspense. It’s hard to translate the movie-like images in my head into words for action sequences. I watch a lot of youtube videos for reference when I’m trying to write them.

And suspense, when done well, is just a great thing to be able to do. It keeps the reader engaged and makes the piece more exciting.

Also replying to comments! They mean so much to me, and I’m so terrible at replying.

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

Not really? I guess Ronin and Tara from Epic qualify as a rarepair just because the fandom for Epic is so small. I think the idea of Ezor and Kolivan from Voltron being a crack pair (not one that ever would or should show up in canon) is hysterical, but I haven’t written anything for them yet.

I really just don’t ship much in general.

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

As of December 22, 2018, I have 49 stories up on AO3, all of them finished. I never start posting a story unless it’s already done.

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

So, that’s really hard to calculate. For every fandom I have what amounts to a dump document where I write random scenes and stories that I’m not sure will go any where, in addition to that I have:

Epic - 14 docs, most of those are probably single stories

ROTG - 9 docs, but I don’t think I separated out many of the WIPs from my main dump doc, so there’s probably more WIP there.

Voltron - 15 docs, but some of those documents are for series, so there’s might be multiple WIPs in the document.

And that’s just the unfinished stuff. I didn’t include the stories that are done. I usually keep those on my hard drive too because I don’t trust the internet not to suddenly eat my work.

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

I keep them in my head way too often, then go back to stories I’ve set down for a couple months (or years) and don’t remember what was going to happen. I’m trying to get better about writing out at least a general outline for stories so that doesn’t happen.

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

I have co-authored with @eastofthemoon and @ladydouji. I’m kind of a flake about writing though and I’m really bad at keeping deadlines with something I just do for fun, so I don’t team up very often.

16. How did you discover AO3?

Google search for fanfiction because there wasn’t enough decent stuff on ff.net.

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

I don’t think so? I don’t pay much attention so I don’t have much bases for comparison.

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

Nope.

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

I read a lot growing up (not so much now - grad school does a really good job burning you out when it comes to reading). I loved fantasy mostly, and a little bit of sci-fi, although that’s never been a super sharp distinction for me.

Patricia McKillip is my favorite author. I absolutely love the way she writes and the way she crafts stories. I really enjoyed Jane Yolen, and Bruce Coville too.

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

I really like Neil Gaiman’s 8 Rules of Writing.

The most important thing you can do is write. Get the words on the paper. That’s really the hardest part. I like his last rule best though “Write your story as it needs to be written. Write it honestly and tell it as best you can.”

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

I usually know where they’re going (in my head at least, by the time I actually start getting words on the page), but sometimes they end up taking unexpected turns or new scenes show up out of now where while I’m writing. That’s part of what makes writing exciting. 

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

Nothing terrible, but a few (at least one of which went over my head until years later because they were being sarcastic).

I find I have an increasingly low reserve of energy, and things like that are not worth spending it on. I just ignore them.

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

Interpersonal conflict! Why would these two normally rational people who care about each other let a thing escalate to the point of them actually fighting over it, or having it damaging their relationship, or coming to blows over it? And how do I write that in a way that doesn’t sound contrived and is in character to everyone involved.

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

Right now I’m working on finishing up the next Five Lions Cafe story, and also working on the last of the Mermaid Rescue and Rehab series.

I’m also working on a story that is probably going to be called Bad Moon on the Rise, and is focused on Lance and the Red Lion’s bond (and also has quintessence vampires).

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

Yes! My brain never stops planning stories. Never.

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

Not really. Sometimes I’ll got through stretches where I write a lot, and other times my brain just melts and refuses to make words.

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

Yes! Even just going back a few years, but I’ve been writing since I was in elementary school, so there has been a great deal of improvement from the epic and fully illustrated “There are dinosaur ghosts living in our playground” that I wrote in first grade (and tried to convince my teacher was true).

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

It’s actually not even up on AO3. It’s the only Narnia fanfic I ever wrote, and it’s called Refuge. One of those things that just felt unfinished and unaddressed in the Prince Caspian movie, and I like how I addressed it.

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

*Snorts* Thankfully lost to the great ether of individual fan sites that no longer exist, I had some CATS fanfics that were pretty terrible.

There’s also some Ronin Warriors stuff, and I think some stuff from the original Voltron dub, that’s pretty terrible, but I don’t have the heart to take down because people were actually kind enough to leave nice comments on them.

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

The same, but hopefully better at it. I don’t really have any aspirations to be a professional writer. I’m happy just doing it for fun.

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

The stories!

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

Putting the words on the page!

33. Why do you write?

Because it’s fun! And challenging! And it gets the things in my head out of my head!

Tagging: anyone who wants to. I think all the people I know on tumblr have already been tagged.

[multi-fandom-imagines13]

Scavenger (Rey x fem!reader)

A/N: Sorry that this is crap! :p I'm getting into the swing of writing Rey still. Hope you enjoy anyway! Xx "Y/N! Hey! I have someone I want to introduce to you!" Y/N recognized Poe's voice over her shoulder and she smiled, turning to him. There was a young woman with him. She was shorter than Y/N but not by much and she was...radiant. But clearly uncomfortable, Y/N thought. The way the woman seemed to shuffle her feet said as much. "Hey, Poe. Who's this then?" Y/N kept her smile warm as she watched the other woman. Trying to keep her...charisma at a low level so as not to scare her. Poe's grin began to widen and Y/N grew wary. He was up to something. "This...is Rey. Our resident Jedi! Well, one of them anyway!" Y/N's jaw almost dropped. "You're the Jedi?" Rey's lips formed a smile. Baring teeth and crinkling her eyes. It was the most beautiful smile Y/N had ever seen. She tried to keep her train of thought. "The scavenger from Jakku, right?" Rey's smile dropped and she winced. A miniscule tightening around her eyes. "I'm not a Jedi." She averted her gaze. "But yes, the scavenger. From Jakku." Y/N's heart grew heavy and her smile almost faded. Rey was almost...embarrassed. Sad. Y/N wondered why such a thing would upset her but Y/N was suddenly determined to do whatever it took to make her smile like that again. "What was it like?" Rey's gaze snapped to Y/N's and the intensity of it almost made Y/N step back. She stood her ground. "Jakku, I mean. Could you tell me about it sometime? I've never been. I've been told it's nothing but a junkyard." Poe sniggered and Y/N quieted him with a heated glance. "But I've been told that the sunsets are the most beautiful in the galaxy." Like your eyes. Y/N thought. And Y/N could have sworn she caught a reddening of Rey's cheeks before Rey's face broke into the biggest smile it could hold. "You want to know about Jakku?" Maker, I could listen to her voice for hours. Y/N found herself smiling just as big as the woman before her. "If you'd like to tell me. I've finished with patients for the day but I'm sure you have a lot to-" "I'm not busy!" Rey cut her off with the sudden outburst and immediately flushed, clearing her throat. "I mean...Poe and I are headed to a briefing but-" "We can meet you in the Mess?" Poe was grinning in a way that had Y/N narrow her eyes. Her reaction drew Rey's attention to her pilot friend and Rey pursed her lips. A scowl drawing a crease between her brows. It was then Y/N knew Poe was scheming. What about, she wasn't sure. But a chance to see Rey again was something Y/N wouldn't miss. "Sounds good to me! I'll see you there." She gave Rey her 'signature' smile...as Poe put it...and Rey's expression went from annoyance to something like awe. But only for a moment before she schooled her features to something more composed. "See you there." Poe gave Rey's arm a light tug and the pair made their way to the briefing. But not before Poe gave Y/N a wink. Rey caught it and nugded his side. Y/N only just caught their words as they walked away. Poe laughed softly "See? It wasn't that bad. She might not be one to mess with...especially in the medbay. But she's got a heart of gold and apparently...she's got eyes for a certain Jedi woman?" "Oh please. She was just being nice. And I don't need you to 'help' me. I can handle myself." Y/N smirked. Rey was stubborn. Y/N had to admit she liked it. ----- It didn't take Y/N long to find Rey and her friends in the Mess Hall. They had attention on them from all directions and quickly diverting again once the individual tables lost interest. Rey's back was to her but there was a space left for Y/N at her side. As she took it, Y/N nodded in greeting to the others and beamed when Rey turned her way. "Hey there, Scavenger." Even though the name was said softly, fondness clear in her tone, Rey's expression faltered. "Y/N. We were beginning to wonder if you'd show." Her tone was somewhat flatter than Rey intended but the name had caught her off guard. She wasn't sure if Y/N was being friendly...or if Y/N was mocking her. Poe glanced between the two women and began damage control. "Y/N! We heard that you might be joining us for a supply run?" "You heard correctly. The medbay is running low on supplies. Namely emergency supplies and medication. I have kids on waiting lists for meds. The only thing I could give is morphine and too frequent use could mean addiction. So..." Y/N allowed for the group to fill in the blanks. Rey and her friend Finn were incredulous. Finn slightly moreso. "Wait. You're only like...what...eighteen? Same as Rey, at least. You don't just work as a medic. You're a doctor too. If you have access to meds...and have the authority to distribute them. How are you senior medical staff?" Usually such a question would have been grating but Finn was a newer addition to the Resistance - much like Rey. His curiosity was entirely different to the rancor of most men who had asked the same question. "Actually, I'm twenty-one." Rey shifted to face Y/N more fully, her tone incredulous. "Twenty-one?!" Her expressiveness made Y/N laugh. A warm sound that hastened Rey's heart. "You make it sound ancient! It's only a little older than you." She gave an impish smile and winked at the Force user. "I was basically adopted by my mentor and when he died, I took his place. Despite being sixteen," Finn choked on his water and Rey fought to swallow the mouthful of berries she was savouring before she did the same. "I was the best qualified. He had taught me everything I knew and I had more field and emergency experience than most of the senior staff to begin with." Y/N gave an amused smile when Rey's wide eyes met hers. "The rest of that story is probably best saved for later." Y/N nudged Rey gently. "Now tell me about Jakku! What were those sunsets like?" Rey began to light up again and Y/N's breath caught. ------ Over the course of two months, Y/N was made an 'official member' of the Resistance's golden team. She joined the others for most meals - when she wasn't on shift. Helped Poe fix up his X-Wing when needed. Did physical training with Finn, both teaching the other different techniques. Rey and Y/N spent the least time together but they were the closest. They trained together when they could. Shared stories. Rey told Y/N of the Force dreams she had. Of her training with Luke. Y/N shared her own dreams and how she was trained by her own mentor. They were close enough that it wasn't questioned when one shared rations or quarters with the other. There was no second guessing from Luke or Leia...or Finn or Poe when their touches became more frequent and lingering. It didn't take an oracle or engineer to understand what was occuring between the pair. But apparently it took more than a Jedi and a doctor because neither of them seemed totally aware of each other's feelings. It meant that ir had become something of a bet between the General and Poe. Despite their closeness and blooming relationship, there was something that gave Rey pause. Y/N still used the nickname she had given Rey. Rey knew it wasn't malicious but she still hadn't figured out why Y/N insisted on the name. And she hadn't gathered the courage to ask. If it was mocking, Rey'd rather not know. So Rey let it slide. Even on the rare occasions that someone other than Y/N had used the name. Though that seemed to grate more. There was one particular mission Y/N joined and one of the fighters used the word as an insult. Using it with such casual venom that Y/N felt fire roil in her gut. As he passed by Y/N, she all but snarled at the soldier. "Careful there, rookie. Remember who you're talking to." She looked up from her seated position. "And who you're going behind enemy lines with." The soldier opened his mouth to respond and then registered the three expressions directed his way. Finn was flaring harshly, as was Poe. Rey and Y/N were regarding him rather coldly. The soldier promptly closed his mouth and went on his way. Rey leaned against Y/N's shoulder for a moment. "You didn't have to do that. I can handle myself." "Yeah, I know you can. But I'm not going to sit by and let that stuff happen to someone I care about." Y/N leaned into Rey in return and both smiled before their orders are announced. ----- Two weeks later and Y/N was boarding the Millennium Falcon. Poe was walking her up the ramp, much to Y/N's irritation. "Dameron. Do you remember what happened to the last male that tried to escort me onto a ship?" The pilot shuddered. "I don't need reminding. But you wouldn't hurt me." "Don't tempt me." "Please. I tempt everyone." He winked. Y/N just rolled her eyes. "I think I can take it from here, Poe. You be careful out there, you hear?" He grinned and hugged Y/N close. "You be careful. The Resistance needs you more than it needs me." "Suck up." "You love it." Y/N kept their tradition and kissed Poe's cheek. One that started the first time Poe ended up in the infirmary with nothing more than a scratch. All because he had a crush on a nurse. When she rejected him, Y/N 'consoled' him with a kiss from 'a pretty doctor' instead. As Y/N stepped into the ship, she didn't notice that Rey had been watching the exchange between Poe and herself. Rey's chest tightened painfully when Y/N hugged Poe back. When Y/N pressed her lips to Poe's cheek, she almost felt ill. She didn't understand why. Poe had said it was because she had feelings for Y/N. Rey assumed he meant she admired her. Had a romantic interest in the medic. Rey had no idea what that felt like. She'd never had the chance to make friends. Let alone have those feelings for someone. Rey hadn't even known she was...attracted to women before she had spotted Y/N from across the hangar. She hadn't realised until then that whilst she could tell when a man was aesthetically pleasing, Rey wasn't interested. In that way. But then she saw Y/N helping Poe with his X-Wing. Then Rey saw her delivering medication to pilots and how relieved they were to see her. How easy she smiled and laughed with them. Finally - the day Poe had dragged Rey to meet Y/N - Rey had completely stopped her work when she caught sight of Y/N in physical training. Y/N was poised with a barbell on her shoulders and then Y/N went into a set of squats. Rey hadn't understood why she kept catching herself finding Y/N's form whenever she was in sight. Why she was drawn to her. But in that particular moment it clicked in the most glaring way. When Rey had realised exactly why and what she was staring at, her faced had flushed pink. As she realised where her thoughts had strayed to, her blush deepened. That was when Poe dragged Rey across the hangar. After the last two months with Y/N joining her and the others, Rey wanted excuses to be around Y/N...but could never find any that worked. She thought that perhaps this was why. Maybe Y/N wasn't as interested as Poe said. Maybe Y/N was interested in Poe...not Rey. Rey's train of thought was completely derailed when Y/N sat heavily beside her, sighing. For some reason her closeness irritated Rey, rather than soothed her as it usually would. "Where'd you go just now, Scavenger?" Rey tried not to grimace but knew her smile was forced. Knew her voice was harsher than necessary. "Nowhere." She turned to Y/N, a glare on her features. "Why must you call me that? Do you enjoy reminding me of where I came from?" Y/N sat back, eyes wide. "I-uh-I just...I'm sorry, Rey. I wasn't-I didn't mean t-I'm sorry." Y/N slowly and deliberately moved one seat over. She didn't quite understand why Rey had snapped at her. Obviously the name Y/N had been using for her, upset her. How had Y/N not realised? She kept her gaze in her lap, Rey's words sinking in and stinging in a way Y/N hadn't felt for a while. Her eyes burned and Y/N blinked away the tears. Y/N had been hoping the growing fondness she had for Rey wasn't one-sided. Perhaps she had been wrong... Rey felt worse when Y/N stammered her apology. Worse still when she physically retreated. Rey wanted to reach out. Pull her back in. But she stopped herself. She'd never been in this situation before. Having feelings for someone. Romantic feelings. She knew what they were, what relationships were. What it meant. Rey simply had no experience herself. Frustrated with the entire situation, Rey set to cleaning her blaster. Neither of them spoke to the other unless it was absolutely necessary. For the entirety of the mission. And Y/N only used Rey's name when addressing her. Poe picked up on it immediately and tried to ask Y/N what had happened. She shook her head. "It's my fault. Don't worry about it." Rey couldn't stop the grimace that time. Y/N sounded genuinely upset. The confusion of it all was too much for Rey. She took her things and seated herself away from the duo. ----- The day after Rey's outburst, Y/N and Finn were having lunch in the Mess. Poe joining them eventually. Y/N hoped Rey would make an appearance, the Force user had practically run from the briefing after the mission and skillfully dodged any attempt Y/N made to find her. The trio were discussing repairs of the Falcon and Rey's whereabouts when a loud and rather obnoxious voice sounded from across the room. "You're all so focused on this girl. What, by the Maker, makes her so damn special?" A man stood from a table a few feet away and trained his beady eyes on Y/N. "I mean...you two are involved, right?" His friends sniggered and that boiling anger ignited in Y/N's stomach again but Y/N stayed seated, her hands fisted on the tabletop. "She's a Jedi. You happen to be alive right now because of her. If it weren't for Rey, we'd have lost the war ages ago." Y/N's voice had an edge to it that she couldn't blunt, no matter how hard she tried. The man - a pilot, judging by his uniform - scoffed so hard, Y/N was surprised he didn't choke. "She's nothing but scavenger scum from Jakku. A sand rat. Just because she can move things with her mind, doesn't change that." Y/N stood then, leaning forward onto the table. "Yes. She's a scavenger. From Jakku. So what?" Y/N barreled on before the pilot could respond. "She's survived on a desert planet by scavenging, since she was a small child. On her own. Teaching herself the necessary skills to survive. Rey has clawed her way to even make it to adulthood. Fought tooth and nail for everything she's ever had. Including her life." The pilot's friends had stopped sniggering. Y/N continued. "She entered a war she almost knew nothing of when she could have simply looked the other way. Rey didn't have to save the droid. Didn't have to bring it to the Resistance. Rey didn't have to go after Luke or train with him or fight Kylo Ren. But she did. When Rey's life could have made her bitter and cold, it only made her kind." Y/N pointed at the pilot almost aggressively. "And what are you? What have you done, bar fly around and vaguely shoot at Tie fighters? Rey has more skill, more character and more heart in her little finger than you do in your entire body. You are alive because of her. You get the privilege of running your mouth because Rey - the scavenger from Jakku - chose to help us." Y/N waited a moment to see if the man would say anything in rebuttal. "So if I were you, I'd shut up and pay attention for once. You might actually learn something." The pilot opened his mouth to respond. Some half-witted one liner probably. With a warning glance from Y/N, his friends pulled him back into his seat. Rey had entered the Mess right as the pilot began throwing insults. Almost everyone's gaze had turned her way. Some were filled with pity. Some with shock. Others with fear. She had heard the insults before. Many times. But they always stung. Rey turned to leave but the scraping of a chair and a familiar voice gave her pause. Turning, she saw Y/N standing at her own table. Poised like she was about to leap over it and pummel the pilot. Y/N dressed down the pilot in front of the entire Mess Hall. Her fierce defense of Rey and her origins made Rey's heart both swell and weigh heavily with guilt. A knot formed in Rey's throat. She had made a mistake. Y/N admired Rey. For all she was. She wasn't mocking her. Rey allowed her doubt to control her. Rey approached Y/N's back. "Y/N." Y/N almost knocked over her chair with how fast she spun to face Rey, eyes wide in surprise. How much had Rey heard? "Could I speak with you? Alone? Please." Rey was cringing inwardly at how small she sounded. Nodding gently, Y/N tucked her chair into the table. "Of course." Rey's heart squeezed again when Y/N was willing to follow her immediately. Clearly concerned for the Force user. ----- Rey took Y/N to a secluded corner of the base and sat upon some storage crates. She looked down at her toes, pointedly avoiding Y/N's eyes. "I saw what you did in the Mess. What you said. You didn't have to do that." "Of course I did. You're my friend, Rey. I wasn't going to let someone get away with that crap." Y/N spoke like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Your friend." Rey didn't like how that sounded. No doubt she liked being friends with Y/N. But she wanted something more than that too. "Well yeah. How could you not be?" Y/N smiled gently, though Rey still wasn't meeting her eyes. Rey wanted to just tell Y/N what she was feeling. That she wanted to be with Y/N, not only friends. That she was confused because she'd never experienced it before. That she felt horrible for snapping at Y/N. Rey did none of those things. Instead she played with the edge of her vest and asked, "Why do you call me 'Scavenger'?" With a little sigh, Y/N sat beside Rey on the crate. "I don't have a specific reason. I just think...I don't know. I think it's really amazing." That was when Rey looked at her, brow creased and completely focused on Y/N. "What?" "You being a scavenger. Like i said in the Mess, your life...it was tough. Is tough. You're a survivor. A fighter." The way Y/N looked at Rey was something more than friendly. "I have a lot of respect for you, Rey. I admire you. I never meant for the name to offend you." "You like that I'm a scavenger?" "Yeah." Y/N laughed at the incredulous tone. Rey fought a smile. Her laugh was infectious. "It makes you, you. How could I not like you for what makes you who you are?" The words were out before Rey could stop them. "I want to kiss you." Y/N froze. Rey's words repeating in her mind. Each time the words replayed, the happiness bubbled higher in her chest. When Y/N failed to respond, Rey's stomach dropped. She cleared her throat and stood. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-forget it." Before she could leave a hand closed around her elbow. "Rey, wait. You just...caught me off guard." Her words came out slowly. As though she was carefully choosing which to use. "You want to kiss me?" Rey forced herself to look Y/N in the eye. Dead serious, she nodded. "I do. I've never felt these things before and I don't know what to do about it. If you don't feel...what I'm feeling then...I'll drop it. I won't mention it again." "I would very much like it if you kissed me." Her voice was soft but her stare seemed to look into Rey rather than at her. The young Jedi made the decision before she could change her mind. She was being given her chance, she was going to take it and run like she stole it. Rey stepped up, standing between Y/N's knees. She rested her hands upon them and she noticed Y/N hold her breath. The pair watched the other carefully, gazes flicking from each other's eyes to each other's mouth. When Y/N pulled her own lip between her teeth, there was an almost imperceptible hum that vibrated in the air around Rey. Like her body couldn't hold back her energy. Rey hadn't kissed anyone before and she had to admit that as much as she was anticipating it, her nerves were buzzing. She leaned in slowly and Y/N did the same, meeting in the middle. Rey could feel the softest wisps of breath from Y/N, their faces so close that if either were to breathe too deeply, the kiss would be met. Rey touched her forehead to Y/N's, closing her eyes and noses touching. It was like the Force surrounding them both...sighed. Contented. They rested like that for several seconds, both just revelling in the peace that seemed to surround them. Then something shifted within Rey. She knew this was to be a part of her path during this war. Where it would lead, she didn't know. But the Force rarely revealed what you wanted to know. Only what was needed. So Rey tilted her head and gently pressed her lips to Y/N's. Rey's hand cupping Y/N's jaw and Y/N's hands rested on the other's hips, both pulling the other closer. When Rey broke the kiss, both women were smiling. Both had flushed cheeks and bright eyes. Y/N's smile only broadened when Rey huffed in surprise, openly dazed. "Still with me, Sca-Rey?" Y/N winced as she caught herself. "You can call me that." The words were weighty but it felt right. "Only you though. I know what it means now. I like what it means when you say it." Y/N's hands squeezed on Rey's hips gently. "If you're sure." Rey nodded and a light blush crept across her face. "I am." "Alright then." Y/N pushed Rey back as she stood and took her hand. Rey glanced down at the contact and interlocked their fingers. Y/N grinned brightly. "Come on, Scavenger. You'd better hope Poe didn't steal my food." When the name left Y/N's mouth that time, Rey smiled. Brightly and brilliantly. The pair walked into the Mess Hall hand-in-hand and when their friends caught sight of them, Poe was the first to notice the contact. He immediately thumped Finn on the shoulder and the former Trooper rolled his eyes. Then pulled out a ration of sweets and slaps them into Poe's outstretched hand. Rey and Y/N glance at each other, the former raising a brow and the latter just shrugged. They joined their friends and Poe made a show of giving Y/N her tray of food still intact. Some feet away, General Leia Organa and her brother Luke Skywalker, watched the pair with soft smiles. Leia chuckled to herself. "Those two will make quite the pair." "I don't argue that." Luke knew that the pair had been preordained by the Force. He didn't know why. But he didn't need to know. His padawan was happy and in times of war that was a rare thing.

[lesbian-ed]

I've been a closeted radfem for a few months now and I'm really worried about my relationships (especially online) that are going to collapse because most of them are liberal feminists (just like i was not long ago). They're really clearly well-intentioned with wanting to accept & support everyone, but i feel really uncomfortable not speaking out publicly against the "trans women are females/should be the focus of feminism"- esp b/c of their expectations to conform without question. Any advice?

Hi, anon.

Many women went through the same thing, and many women are still going through it. On this website especially, you’re ostracized for thinking critically and questioning the status quo. I know that you are aware of this from your ask. We can all relate. I can only speak freely for myself though, so I’ll share my own story with you. 

I used to be part of the libfem side of tumblr for as long as I’ve been on this website. I never really got involved in the gender politics, though, and I remember saying things that were strictly questioning that stuff without even realizing that’s what I was doing. I never posted anything about it though, I simply wasn’t involved. The only discourse I was ever invested in was the whole “are ace people lgbt?” stuff. I do a lot of research and I love listening to the opposing side and reading their blogs, watching youtube videos and listening to what they have to say. So, eventually ace discourse bored me, so I somehow slipped into radfem blogs. I found myself agreeing with most of the stuff these women talked about. I reached out to a few of them and asked them about my concerns. Of course, they were all very welcoming and understanding; They were nothing like the hostile libfem side. You know how it is. It’s like walking on egg shells around them; Don’t say this, don’t say that, don’t question anything… 

As I hope you can tell, I found myself in a community that actually cared about the stuff I cared about. This was the kind of feminist I wanted to be, the kind I had always felt like I was without being able to put it into words. I agreed almost fully with them, and it only took me a few weeks to abandon the irrational beliefs I had once held.

There was just one problem. The same problem you are describing. I didn’t have that many friends on tumblr as I usually just kept to myself around here. I knew the few friends I did have would probably leave me if they found out, and they eventually did. But losing a few acquaintances was nothing in comparison to potentially losing my girlfriend. She was more invested in the libfem discourse (she had identified as nonbinary from the day we met), and I was so scared of her finding out I was agreeing with radical feminist ideology because of the way that is demonized on this website. However, she hadn’t been on tumblr for almost a year and hadn’t seen the escalation of the discourse in question and how bad the lesbophobia had gotten.

A few weeks went past. I was struggling with this every day, it felt as if I was back in the closet again (I don’t fully wanna compare it to being in the closet as a lesbian, but the feeling was similar although not the same). I hid something I had found myself really really invested in to my girlfriend, and we share everything from phone passwords to our deepest darkest secrets. I just had to tell her, even though I knew it could be really damaging to our relationship. So I started dropping some hints, asking some questions; Trying to be subtle. We had a few arguments but I didn’t push because I didn’t want to say the wrong things. Finally, I just told her that I needed to explain why I had been acting so weird.

I explained how I felt, not what I thought. Naturally I go for thought, and not feelings when explaining myself. But this was important to me even on an emotional level. I explained myself, and I gave her some blogs I had been following. I found that we agreed on basically everything I had brought up. I knew we did, I know my girlfriend, but I was so scared something would still be in the way seeing how she was more invested in the libfem politics than I was (basically the whole thing you’re describing in your ask with wanting to accept and support everyone). I left it all out in the open, cried a little bit because I felt so relieved, and I left her to do her own research. 

To make a long story short, we agreed with each other. She understood how important this was to me, and it was important to her too. She said, “This is the kind of feminist I’ve always wanted to be,” just like I had thought when this all started. Everything made sense, we had actual arguments, we had actual facts to support us. Suddenly, we could actually do something about the injustices we see in the world. 

So, to answer your question. If you genuinely care about the people you’re mentioning, and you are confident that you mean as much to them as they mean to you, and you word things right, they’ll understand. Try and aim for understanding instead of full acceptance. They don’t have to agree with everything you say, but if they don’t want to lose you, they’ll at least try to understand. It sucks to not be able to express yourself fully around people you care about; Especially about important things like this. Try to speak from heart. Try to explain why liberal “feminism” hurts you. Why it can hurt other women. Then comes the facts, the statistics, the rationality. Show receipt blogs. Show your favorite radfem blogs. 

You’re bound to lose some friends on the way. Not everyone will understand. I’ve reached out to numerous libfem lesbians on this website asking questions, being curious about how they think about this stuff, and only been met with hostility and defensiveness. It’s frustrating, I know. But it’s worse if those people are your friends. I do think that friends are more prone to listening, though, since they know you personally. They know that you’re not a bad person. They know your opinions don’t come from a sinister place. Like I said, this website paints critical women (especially lesbian women) as demons. I’ve seen ridiculous claims about the supposed harm radical feminism does. Things that are blatantly untrue. But when those claims are all people see, they’re going to believe them. 

We all need to stand up against this. You are strong and brave for standing up, for even thinking about talking about this to your friends. Feminism is not meant to include everyone; It is a political movement for the liberation of females. When women understand this, we are unstoppable. That’s when we can make a change. I believe in you, anon. I’d love to hear from you again when/if you come out with your radical feminism to your friends. 

I hope my answer isn’t too messy. Come back if you have any more questions, and good luck 💕

/ Mod W