#long road to recovery

[metalomagnetic]

WIP Snip Monday

let's pretend it's Monday, and not Wednesday.

Thank you so much for the tag @mundrakan

Here is a snippet from "It runs" (This chapter is so stubborn! I promise I am working hard on it, but it's complicated and real life is Hell, so please, bear with me).

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“Come back to me, yes, there you go. Breathe," his mother's voice soothes him, drags him back to reality. "Everything will be alright.”

“I-”

Sirius doesn’t understand what happened to him, how seamlessly his mind slipped away, one moment in his home, the next in Azkaban, and now his mother is there, and he's confused-

“It’s alright. I’m here. I know I wasn’t always, but I am here. My Sirius, my brightest star. You’re home, you’re safe. Your brother is safe. That monster is dead. No one will ever hurt you again. I won’t allow it, yes? Breathe.”

He rests his head on her shoulder, tries to breathe normally. He shivers, cold and miserable, but one of her frail arms wraps around his back, draws him closer.

“You will heal,” she tells him. “You will have the best Healers in the world, the best potions, and you will heal. You weren’t there that long, the damage is reversible still, I asked, I asked many experts. You will heal from this.” It sounds like an order.

Sirius always disobeyed her, even if he didn't want to, didn't set out to hurt her. He always ended up disappointing her. He doesn't want to do it again, but that word- 'heal'- it sounds foreign, impossible. It sounds like she's setting him up for failure again, because how can Sirius accomplish it?

“And what potions will heal me from finding my best friend dead? From knowing I had a part in his death?” he whispers, terrified that he has to live with that, forever. That he'll have to find a way to accept it.

How can he? How? It's impossible.

“His son will heal you,” she says, determined, her fingers combing through his hair. “Little by little. You’ll see. You’ll have a piece of him with you. The best piece. Trust me when I say, our children are the best parts of us. What survived of Potter, is the purest part of him, the brightest. And you’ll raise him, do right by him, won’t you? That boy needs you stable, needs your love and care, and he’ll love you back, as only children can love.”

Harry. Yes. That’s true. Sirius will see him soon, will hold him. Tomorrow.

“He killed Voldemort,” Sirius whispers, finally voicing it. It doesn't sound real. “Harry.”

His mother snorts, but she keeps her fingers so gentle in his hair. It makes Sirius remember he once felt safe in her arms. Long ago. So very long ago.

He was sick with dragonpox, so sick, and scared, but she never moved from his bed. She stayed with him, wiped his brow with cold cloths, sang to him, held water to his lips. She hugged him when he shivered.

“Mama, will I die?” he asked, because he’d never felt as sick in his life, and he leaned people can die from feeling sick.

“My brightest star, how do you think I’d let you die? Who would dare take you from my arms? Death? I’d destroy it if it even glances your way.”

Sirius looks into her fierce eyes, and for a moment he thinks his mother is just as strong as his father, perhaps even more, because she seems capable of anything, of scaring death away.

“I may not be the most learned woman in the word, I didn’t go to any Institute, but I have lived for some dozens of years now, Sirius, and I have traveled far and wide, read many books, met many people, heard many things. A baby cannot kill a grown wizard."

Sirius knows. He does. And yet-

“He died," he says, and he shivers savagely. His mother's arm clings harder to him. "I found him there. Dead. In front of Harry’s crib.”

He sees it, all over again. Voldemort's body, his empty eyes, the wand between his fingers.

No, no, no. Stop. Sirius can't, he can't think of it. He bites his tongue, hard, he leans even more into his mother, inhales, and her perfume brings him back from the memory.

“Good riddance," she spits, venomous.

All over Britain, people celebrated Voldemort's death, Sirius knows. 'Good riddance'.

'The monster is gone'.

'Let him rot.'

It's fair, Sirius knows it's fair, that Voldemort caused so much pain, to everyone, his enemies or allies alike.

But it hurts. It hurts so much. He was always alone, that beautiful boy from the picture, the angelic child Sirius imagines, in some muggle orphanage, the fiercest dark lord in the world that cooked for Sirius, that held him in his arms at night. It hurts. It's beyond painful.

“I loved him,” Sirius confesses, and his mother goes still, stiffens all over. “I slept with him. Ate with him. Lived in our- in his home. Will you abandon me, too, now?”

She should leave him. Sirius doesn't deserve anything. He doesn't understand why he still has his family, his sanctuary, when James is dead, when Voldemort is gone, alone and terrified somewhere.

Sirius deserves to be alone, too. They should have left him to rot in Azkaban. It's what he deserves.

She takes a long time to answer. First, she resumes petting his hair, and eventually she rests her chin on his head. She sighs.

Just from that, Sirius can imagine how broken and pitiful he looks, exactly how he feels. He is in such a deplorable state, that she doesn't spit on him, doesn't call him a deviant, a disgrace, a stain on her family name.

“That takes longer to heal from,” she whispers. “Loving a hard, cold man isn’t easy. Even when they are heartless, even when they betray you, over and over again, it still hurts when they die.”

“How long?” Sirius asks. “How long does it take to heal from that?”

She hums. “I will tell you when I have an answer,” she says. “I’m still waiting. You can wait with me.”

[walkingstackofbooks]

IPS/BIL AU where Tain dies before he can send the message. Garak and Worf never go to the gamma quadrant. Julian and Martok don't get rescued.

Back on DS9 the changeling is stopped pretty much just as it was in canon, with Kira and Dax managing to stop the Yukon from reaching the sun, just as it explodes. (Maybe since Garak is still on the station, he notifies Sisko that Bashir has taken the Yukon out?) This time, however, no-one knows it was a changeling, and among all the shock and grief, there's tense speculation about what the hell Julian was doing out there in a runabout with a bomb.

The changeling had planned to never be identified, believing it would sow more confusion and fear in the Federation if they believe one of their own had been secretly allied with the Dominion. And so the changeling had left behind a trail of "Julian" interacting with highly questionable locked-down message-boards such as "Would enhanced individuals be better off under the Dominion?", which would never have been tracked back to him apart from under such scrutiny he's now post-humously receiving. (The changeling knew about Julian's enhancements - to become something is to understand that thing, after all.)

Of course, it is considered whether Julian may have been impersonated by a changeling, but once the link to his enhancements has been revealed - and his parents can't hide it, they confess, and are sentenced to time in a penal colony - it seems very much decided that Doctor Bashir had become an augment extremist, biding his time on DS9 until he could play out his part in the Dominion plot. There's varying levels of acceptance of this among Julian's friends - even if it seems that they have to admit it, it's still almost impossible to believe that Julian could have tried to do that. But it doesn't really matter what they think - life has to go on, and the war's continuing whether they like it or not, and little by little they move on with their now-Julian-less lives.

Time passes. they get a new CMO. The Cardassians re-occupy the station, and Sisko leads the campaign to get it back. Worf and Jadzia get married. Garak gets a message.

A.L.I.V.E. J.S.B.

And no-one knows what to think. JSB can't be... can it? But how...

Garak argues that Doctor Bashir's death is so well-known that no-one would use his name as the basis for some sort of trap. Miles agrees. Everyone else wants to agree. (For a certain definition of 'want'. Julian being alive, not a traitor... that also means he's been doing somewhere in the past ten months, and it's difficult to think about what sort of awful place that might have been.)

Garak and Worf are sent out to chase this signal - in theory, it's recon, but naturally it quickly devolves. They get captured themsleves, finding Camp 371 and Julian, looking ten months worse for wear. Garak learns about Tain's death, and the subspace transmitter he'd began working on and that they'd only just been able to finish, having managed to recruit a recently-abducted Starfleet engineer. An engineer who's currently in solitary, leaving them with a plan to escape now there's a runabout in orbit, but no way to effect it. Unless there's something Garak can do...

And Worf, of course, meets Martok, and is impressed by the Klingon's tale of daily fights for nearly three years. "Almost every day," Martok corrects him. "There have been times when I've woken up with a sore head to find that the doctor has taken my place."

Worf looks to Julian, nodding. "So you are the man we remember," he says. "Your enhancements may have helped you fight, but it was an honourable thing to volunteer."

"My... my enhancements?" asks Julian faintly. "What- what do you mean?"

"Commander, is now really the time—" Garak tries to interrupt but Julian speaks over him.

"No, Garak, I want to know�� I-I need to know. What do you mean, Worf?"

And Worf, in his short, succinct way tells Julian how they had believed he had died, and what they had discovered thereafter, and while they know now that he is not an augment extremist, his parents' confession made it clear that he is an augment.

Julian doesn't say very much after that, apart from what is needed to help with the rescue - he calms Garak down, he volunteers to try and figure out what needs doing in the crawl space ("I've learnt at least a few things from tinkering with it over those seven months...") - but otherwise, he's withdrawn and spacey. Garak perserveres - he must get Julian back to DS9, has to hope there's still time to rekindle that light in his doctor's eyes - and manages to get them out, and even locking onto the engineer's life sign in solitary. They make it to the runabout, and escape.

It's a very different sort of homecoming. This time, rather than having only a few hours to get used to the idea that Julian had been missing for a month, they've been mourning him for almost a year, angry and confused and left with so many questions. And they've had almost a week of wondering what's become of Worf and Garak, and to tie themselves in circles wondering if J.S.B really could be Julian Subatoi Bashir.

Garak gets them all beamed directly to sickbay, and it's obvious that Julian's overwhelmed enough by that without having hordes of emotional friends come to greet him. So they're allowed in, one at a time. Miles petitions to be first, and wraps Julian up in what would have been the firmest of hugs - apart from Julian's so gaunt, so... so fragile, that Miles finds he dares not squeeze too hard. Words gush out - ones that he'd never have thought he'd admit out loud - about how much he missed Julian and how glad he is none of what they said was true, and it takes him some time to realise that he's been blabbering on and Julian's not been saying a word.

Julian has been clinging onto him tightly, though, and that... that's got to be enough, for now.

[fireolin]

i hope one day the time i'm spending doing therapy exercises for my upper back, my healing elbow, my bad ankle, and my other foot, plus the pilates i can manage while only putting weight on two limbs or my torso, all lead to actual normal exercise again, lmao

[grunklefordpines]

Ok, since you find it charming that people are calling you a silver fox, has it helped improve how you see yourself? I feel like a therapist right now, sorry-

Haha!

I scarcely use the mirror—I have better things to be spending my time doing.

[vega-alphalyrae-hip91262]

These Roads Lead to Recovery

Chapter 7: Into My Arms

Rating: Mature Fandom: Formula 1 RPF Relationship: Alain Prost/Ayrton Senna Characters: Alain Prost Ayrton Senna Niki Lauda Viviane Senna Bruno Senna Nicolas Prost Adriane Galisteu Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort Emotional Hurt/Comfort Eating Disorders Injury Major Character Injury NO DEATH Fluff Softness Soft Alain This is much softer than I imagined Senna's family Everyone Thinks They're Together Slow Burn Slow Build Eventual Smut but not a lot Alain really goes through it here Alain Prost Needs A Hug Starvation as a coping mechanism

Summary Chapter 7: A younger Alain would have been eaten by anxiety. Contrary to popular (even to Senna’s belief) Alain had been too attuned to his every emotion, suffering over the slightest tension and distance, it had nearly destroyed him, but today he is beyond that. They are very different. It still works, this thing between them is not going to split, more than his heart is going to run from his ribs.

[ask-zerotrio]

*pokes head in* Have the AI professors' been updates on the latest memes? And is Clavell ok?

Clavell hangs his head low, bandaged arms hugging himself. At his bedside, Sada and Turo stood still, unsure if their touch would soothe or hurt him further. They knew, of course, that Clavell's heart was bigger than most, and the man would sooner accept any hurt for his loved ones at his own expense.

Thus, through calculated analyses, they decided to keep their mechanical hands still by their sides.

"I could have helped..." Clavell's voice was frail and tired, anger long bled out into quiet disappointment. "Did you not... trust me?" It hurts, where their hearts should be. All that is there within their left side cavity is wire and electrical components.

“We were… ashamed. I believe.” Sada says, brows furrowed in thought. “Our systems had calculated odds of success with different points of contact, but we… rejected them, out of sense of guilt for our creator’s- our actions.”

Clavell keeps falls silent, letting the low beep of machines and the dull hum of Sada and Turo's vent systems of mimicked breath fill it. Many tears had already been shed over the years, and if he cried anymore, Clavell feared he would finally break.

"I am... still glad to have you here." Clavell finally manages, mustering the strength to look at his once closest friends and loved ones.

It's like they never aged a day.

"But I- I... don't think I know how to forgive you yet."

"Clavell-"

"You don't have to-"

"I want to- even after..." Clavell shuts his eyes, fingers brushing against the plaster on his cheek. "I want to. I want my friends back."

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[durgewyll]

rediscovering the character that is bucky barnes after making an oc that incidentally shares half of his characteristics has been a goddamn journey btw. the dark urge parallels with the winter soldier......... tasty!

[kumapillow]

I’m happy for and proud of Momose, he now has someone to confide in and to support him 🥹😭

[trancowboy]

transitioning didn't fix me. going on hormones and getting surgeries didn't magically make me better. but it did make me want to stay alive and i think that's important enough.

[cochineal-leviat]

"Taranza blossoms into his role as one of the castle gardeners. But, he is still uneasy around Kirby and the rest of King Dedede's family - preferring to stay away from the persistent goddess killer. Unfortunately for him, his employer has an ace up his fluffy sleeve."

Heyo! Sorry, it took so long for this chapter to come out. It got so long, and when I finally finished the draft, I got to 14k, which is a lot to edit through. (and well, life getting in the way, you know, the usual) This chapter kicked my ass, and for it have this doodle I made. Please enjoy, cuz I'm going to bed. Have some sad man spider.

[quinnyundertow]

First time to a store in like 4 months and managed to walk 20 minutes before my legs gave out! A new record since my back surgery! I’m paying for it now pain wise but got something as a little reward at homegoods 🥳

[ask-runaan-anything]

What do you do to occupy yourself while healing from severe injuries? Asking for a friend.

Lujanne recommends entertainment in between light exercises (which means watching conjured illusions play pranks on each other before she marches me all over the caldera on her "easy breezy walks"). I've managed to talk her into reenacting some of the most important moments in the assassin histories, but she only agreed as long as she gets to put silly hats on everyone and depict Garlaath as a glow toad.

I suppose beggars cannot be choosers.

Rayla rarely leaves me alone, which I do not mind despite my preference for quiet solitude. She's more than earned my patience and my gratitude. She tells me of the wider world, and that makes me feel better, as if I'm still a part of things. She always takes care to tell me the good outcomes to her tales, as if I might worry over the past otherwise. I may have this tendency to brood somewhat, it is true. But although it is strange to have Rayla telling me bedtime stories instead of the other way around, I find myself very fond of it.

So my advice, though I am in the midst of it all myself, is to keep lightly busy and don't be alone too much.

I can still brood when no one is looking though

[tidesofsilence]

500+ HITS (WE DID IT)!! I am calm. I am composed. I am absolutely losing my mind in the tags.

MY BAD I FORGOT TO SAY CHAPTER 12 IS UP and by “up” I mean emotional devastation has been deployed.

Chapter 12: The Shape of TrustSummary: Trust gets messy. Naomi sets boundaries. Seven becomes a wall. Teska tries and fails to deliver a breakfast tray without getting vaporized by protective energy.

And if you’ve read this far… I have a new fic coming.

All I’ll say is: It starts with a rainy afternoon in San Francisco, a name spoken like a myth, and a kiss that was never supposed to happen again.

No spoilers. Not even the title. But if you’ve got room in your chest for old letters, long roads, and the kind of love that survives time, distance, and regret?

Start bracing now.

[its-nathan-bitch]

I’m sad. I didn’t expect it to be good but I thought the kids here would at least ignore me.

But now they keep talking about how this is basically a vacation for me and how the moment I leave I’ll immediately go back to my old habits like god damn at least pretend you care!

And honestly how fucked is that? Saying someone is going to relapse as soon as they get out. I’m sorry but that is probably like telling someone to end their own life which is completely fucked up, btw if I ever made you feel like that you get full permission to punch me in the stomach just tell me and I won’t be mad if you punch me (I mean I don’t remember doing it but I’m probably just being an idiot), Anyways, if this week goes well I’ll be able to go back to class, but they’re not gonna trust me in my dorm room just yet.

[etapereine]

according to frans maassen before saturday’s stage, they aren’t sure how long jonas will stay in the hospital - it sounds like he’s still in a lot of pain and so talking and eating has been difficult because of that

[ghoulangerlee]

today i learned a very important lesson about advocating for the amount of pain i'm in and how that probably saved me life lmao