#long post feel free to ignore

[andromeddog]

I love hearing about your OCs AAaAA

I'm curious, if you don't mind sharing, what does James think of Connor getting blown up? I remember on one of your posts you mentioned Connor and another one of your OCs blow each other up, and considering the answer to the previous ask, I really wanna know what your other OCs' opinion on it is (Specifically James though lol)?

If it's spoilers that's cool though, your OCs are just very fun to hear about!

anon you are spoiling me with these questions i have so much lore just sitting around of these guys and nowhere to put it. i’ve said it before but the best format for this story would be like a 300 chapter graphic novel but i don’t have the time/skill/patience for all that. anywho on to ur question

so yeah connor and anselm (guy with all the facial scars i draw sometimes)(he’s got a lot of his own baggage lol) end up blowing each other up. anselm is a stormtrooper and during the german offensive in 1918 he’s part of a group that storms the boy’s section of trench. while the scots are retreating, connor gets shot through the hip and can’t keep walking. james is with him but had previously been shot through the shoulder and can’t help pull him along. connor insists on staying behind so james and the others have the opportunity to escape danger but james is like hello what the fuck i’m not leaving you here??? they keep arguing about it but eventually james listens and does retreat. connor decides if he’s going to die he’s taking someone out with him - anselm eventually shows up and before he can finish him off, connor blows the both of them up with a grenade he’d kept hidden. and that’s how he goes out!

all of that being said his death is uhhhhhh a really big deal to everyone. connor was a really loud guy and his absence is really noticeable in their lives. hes also the only one of them to actually die during the war. they all have their own reactions and ways of dealing with it but james is definitely the one who takes it hardest haha

so ig peter and connor are the best place to start bc they have known each other for pretty much their entire lives- their moms are very close friends and the two of them are effectively cousins. their relationship is pretty antagonistic growing up, as peter is fundamentally unimpressed by connor’s bravado and connor just really doesn’t respect peter’s leadership (he thinks he could probably do a better job). they butt heads a lot a lot over the years. when connor dies peter is rly shaken up, he figured they would always be in each other’s lives, bickering and spending holidays together. peter’s got a big soft heart and is in disbelief for a while, as annoying as connor he’s supposed to be there. he keeps thinking he sees him out of the corner of his eye, keeps looking over his shoulder, and feels vaguely responsible for his death, since he’s the self appointed guardian of the group. though just as grief is starting to settle in, peter gets his knee thoroughly fucked up/his leg amputated and is sent home, so he has very little time to process connor’s death before he’s dealing with a major health crisis (spoiler alert once he’s home he really does not take either of these well)

for johnny the reaction is dull shock. connor was his self appointed Rival, someone who constantly challenged him and who always pushed him to be better, faster, smarter, and it’s only once he’s gone that johnny realizes how important that was. johnny is a really energetic guy and funneled a lot of that into his rivalry with connor, and without that in his life he is restless, itchy, and irritable. he doesn’t feel grief so much as a deep sense of disappointment; in all, connor’s death is just such a waste of potential. johnny honestly handles it the best, though it’s mainly by throwing himself into the situation at hand and helping james and peter, who are both much worse off than himself. once the war is over and he’s back home, he can’t help but notice how much quieter the world is without connor.

and oh poor james. since he’s physically there when connor decides to sacrifice himself, he is definitely left with a lot of grief and guilt and trauma over the whole thing. he regrets leaving the second he does and only follows through with it because it is connor’s last wish, and he feels he does owe him that. james is in shock for a long time afterwards. it feels like someone tore off a limb. it feels like there’s a part of him that is suddenly empty. it’s a wound that never really heals and one that he can never really talk about. how is he supposed to vocalize what connor meant to him? he can hardly admit to himself that there was something else there beyond friendship, it’s too precious and too delicate and it was theirs, and he couldn’t possibly share that with anyone else. james is left as kind of a shell in the aftermath, very quiet and withdrawn, and sticks very close to peter and johnny. there is just a certain weight that exists in him after connor dies, one that never really eases up and one he can never put down. connor was too important to him, and if he lets go of that sadness he feels as though he lets go of connor himself. james ends up living a long life, he eventually does get married and has children, but often still thinks of the war and what he lost

god this is so long and even then it feels abridged lol thank u again for asking heehoo

[milkpansa]

[kathonyy]

BRIDGERTON SEASON 3 PROMO ↳ FULL POST

[femaleidols]

nicole: 5!6!7!8!

[p1ctur3]

Can't believe it has been a full year since I starting posting AvA/M fanart

so I redrew my first piece of fanart :]

[dramaticviolincrescendo]

BFSS vs. MYATB

I had some Thoughts(TM) after finishing “Blooming Flowers, Silent Sorrow” and thought I’d put them out into the universe.

I’m definitely glad that I read the book and plan to start “Jinbao Marries a Wife” after the extra episodes air. That being said, this is nevertheless one of the rare occasions where I actually preferred the show to the novel. I have already rewatched the series more times than I care to admit publicly, but I don’t really see myself reading the book again unless an official English translation is released to see the approved wording and whether anything was left out of the translation I read.

For anyone who plans to read and wants to avoid spoilers, I’ll hide the rest below the cut. If you loved the book, no worries—this won’t be a negative review!

The Story

I’m extremely impressed that the story is basically the same and, in parts where it isn’t, maintains full fidelity to the original plot and characters. Like MDZS and The Untamed, there were some plot points that got shuffled around in order to suit the medium of television rather than written narrative—and only twelve episodes of television, at that—but it didn’t alter the essence of the story or even the overarching plot at all. Some events were consolidated where it made sense (ex., finding Zongzheng Yuzhan’s dahlia and escaping with Xiaoyu), and others were fragmented in a manner that allowed us more time to get to know the characters (ex., Xiaobao delivering the medicine and their intimate moment in episode three being at two different times). Even Xiaobao’s illness, which was shortened to the spring rather than the following autumn, was still written and portrayed in such a way that you really felt the passage of time and how excruciating it could be when finding the dahlias before their window passed was at the fore of everyone’s minds.

There are a few points, however, where I feel like the show was able to add something to the narrative that I found I missed when reading the book, while I didn’t encounter anything while reading that I really wished had made it into the show. To be honest, given how few episodes they had to tell this story and how important pacing was as a result, that really surprised me. Here are some things that come to mind:

Toning down the non-con elements. While the show depicts those moments as almost more of a non-con initiation transforming into something more tacitly consensual as it progressed (or dubious consent due to drinking or drugging), the book really stuck to the non-con focus of their interactions. I was surprised how long it remained that way, as well as how much more Huai’en pushed it by trying to initiate things after the betrayal and poisoning. I know a lot of that is due to the medium—in a show of this nature, I’d have been more surprised if they’d kept it the same. It’s just something I preferred about how it was depicted in the show and felt made the romance a little more believable as it evolved so quickly.

More conversations between Xiaobao and Huai’en. As with the last point, it made the budding romance more believable for me, not to mention adding that extra bit of heartbreak when Huai’en betrayed Xiaobao. In the book, he doesn’t mention anything about his family history or his father after Jin Bao’s asthma crisis; much of what Xiaobao learns about Huai’en doesn’t come up until the latter is already gone. Sharing the truths (or what Huai’en thought were the truths) of his past added to the half-truths of what he’s doing in Jiangnan created a much deeper sense of manipulation for me and added to the weight of both what he does in episode six as well as how he still tries to keep the Jins alive in the aftermath.

The overall character growth. I’ll put more on this in the characters section, but I was left feeling a little disappointed at the end of the book in a way I wasn’t when I finished the show. It’s not that the growth was bad or missing, just that it didn’t feel as deep as the show for me. At the end of MYATB, Xiaobao is more mature and mindful of what his family needs and his own responsibilities in making that happen; in BFSS, he’s mostly acting like a young master again, gallivanting around with Huai’en and bemoaning how useless he can be. In MYATB, Huai’en grows to care about more than just Xiaobao, even though Xiaobao is still his true north; in BFSS, he’s seriously considering killing Xiaoyu out of jealousy in the last few chapters while rescuing her. In MYATB, Su Yin is angry at the situation, not with Xiaobao, and eventually comes to terms with the idea that Xiaobao has matured and can be trusted to make his own choices; in BFSS, we don’t really see the closure to that disagreement, which was one of my favorite scenes in the finale. Again, nothing wrong with how the book portrayed things, but I felt there was a certain growth in these characters in the show that I’d have liked to see mirrored there.

Xue Tong’en’s ubiquitous presence. She’s startlingly absent in the book while her presence in the show seems to be the backdrop to everything. Zongzheng Yuzhan’s obsession and even madness are palpable in the show, and his strange hatred for yet attachment to Huai’en is especially moving. All of that was absent in the book except for a couple of mentions in the overall narration and Zongzheng Yuzhan’s unwillingness to relinquish Xiaoyu. I just didn’t feel it like I did while watching MYATB.

Their strange but heartwarming little found family. My jaw dropped to see Zuoying and Youying peace out during the final battle, leaving Huai’en to fend for himself, and Zhaocai have an off-screen love interest he was determined to marry before he, too, caught a case of bisexuality. (His sentiment, not mine.) No tearful farewells after a year of huddling together for survival? No beautiful little scene of Huai’en’s two shadows keeping him alive until help arrived? No Zhaocai-Xiaoyu tag-teaming to interrupt Xiaobao and Huai’en at every turn? Don’t get me wrong—the two of them going off on their romantic road-tripping was satisfying, but… Well, as someone who sees platonic and romantic relationships as equally important, I was a little sad to see that it’s just…them.

First, the raid; next, the cure. Having Xiaobao’s remedy come last made Huai’en’s journey feel like there were higher stakes for me. In the book, it’s like tying up a loose end—“bring back Xiaoyu, and I’ll fully forgive you.” In the show, Huai’en gets to see what’s at stake and can make the conscious decision to inconvenience and further endanger himself by taking Xiaoyu away. He knows Xiaobao still loves him and has to just sit there helplessly while he continues to go through episodes that leave him unconscious for hours or days; he has to leave without saying goodbye, with no prompting from Xiaobao to bring Xiaoyu back or ultimatums on his forgiveness. And if he failed? In the show, that’s it for Xiaobao; in the book, it’s just whether his sister comes home, which Huai’en isn’t as bothered about even if he’s willing to die for it. For me, it read as a little more…transactional in the novel, so it wasn’t quite as emotionally stirring. Plus, waiting until later to heal Xiaobao meant Su Yin and Huai’en had to work together after everything that happened between them, which may have gone a long way towards that reconciliation I mentioned.

Li Gongxiang. …That’s it. ‘Nuff said.

All the little things that made the characters more real. Obviously, visual mediums are going to fill in personalities in ways that written narratives can’t, but MYATB did so in such a way that I deeply missed those details when they weren’t there. Zhaocai and Jinbao’s odd sleeping arrangements. Xiaobao and the dancer…and the guy in the restaurant… Shaoyu coming back to stake his claim only to get out-bratted by Xiaobao. Youying royally screwing up and putting the Jins on alert, necessitating an in-universe convoluted plot to make it seem like a random jianghu misunderstanding. None of it was necessary, no, but it was fun and made me care more about the characters as I watched. The only moment like this in the book that really stood out to me was Su Yin tickling Xiaobao into submission, which was honestly amazing. In any case, adding depth to the supporting characters that wasn’t there in the book added more to the main characters as well, so I missed those small details as I read.

The Characters

I know it seems like I covered that already, but there were a couple of specifics that really stood out to me regarding character choices and personalities in the book compared to the show. As with the story, there wasn’t much I felt hadn’t been incorporated from the book, while there were elements from the show that I did miss seeing as I read. Overall, I thought the show did a fantastic job of taking who the characters were on a fundamental level in the book and enhancing them with certain narrative choices.

Huai’en: I am unspeakably grateful for whoever decided to age him up to 20. It facilitated the conversations he had with Xiaobao that deepened their relationship and made the romance more believable. With that added maturity, his cold manipulation makes a lot of sense for his character rather than the angry and violent outbursts that the teenage Huai’en in the book was prone to. Even in MYATB, Huai’en experienced a few of those, but they only came at pivotal moments and, as a result, had more meaning to me. (Note: not morally right, but still meaningful.) On another note, I was mourning the loss of his scene with the emperor as I read. The majority was still there, namely the blood test, dahlia, and refusing his title. However, exonerating the Jins was a huge moment that contributed to his reconciliation with Xiaobao and their ability to live happily later. For me, it was more moving to see him take that initiative in the show rather than have it offered to him as an incentive for providing information that could free Prince Shen later in the book.

Xiaobao: …It’s the word “lecherous.” I just can’t get past it! In the show, we’re made aware that he’s frequented brothels in the past, and no further details are given. His attempts to woo “Miss Zheng” are slightly sleazy, but they hardly count as “lecherous,” which I really liked. It’s more of a wide-eyed “she could kick my ass in any context and I’d thank her for it” situation than…well, “lecherous.” (Nope, still can’t get past it even when I use it.) With an aged-up Huai’en, I think that having Xiaobao be more of an adorable wannabe player matched a bit better. He was still that way in the book, but the sexual element was a lot more prevalent (namely trying to switch positions), while MYATB moved him past that very quickly.

Su Yin: As I mentioned above, I really mourned the loss of their closure. In the show, we see a Su Yin who goes through hell trying to avenge Xiaobao only to learn that he needs to take a step back and trust that Xiaobao can take care of himself. He isn’t that same spoiled young master who needs Su Yin to constantly come to his rescue anymore by the end, and Su Yin has seen Huai’en’s sincerity even if he will never be able to forgive Huai’en’s indiscretions himself. Su Yin is very similar in much of the book, but I felt that their roads diverged some after Xiaobao went to warn Huai’en about the trap at Chifeng Cliff. In BFSS, we never really see him get over that, and his anger is truly at Xiaobao—he even insults him multiple times. MYATB shows it as concern with Xiaobao’s self-esteem and seeming willingness to degrade himself, shortly followed by understanding and acceptance, however hesitant. I loved that growth for both Su Yin and their relationship, so I was quite disappointed that it wasn’t the same in the book.

Que Siming: This was a case where expectations didn’t meet reality. I’d heard from people who read the book how he was the only one rooting for Huai’en and Xiaobao, but…that wasn’t entirely the vibe I got. It was still there, as it was in the show, but perhaps it was his personality that made it a bit difficult to see. In the show, Que Siming is eccentric, self-serving, and arrogant. However, there are moments when he displays genuine emotion towards Xiaobao’s suffering and Huai’en’s fate that show he really does care, even if his taste for gossip outweighs most other things a lot of the time. In the book, he was mostly just mean. The self-serving arrogance was there, but I didn’t really see much else. It could have been lost in translation, and I’m sure I’ll have a better grasp of him after “Jinbao Marries a Wife,” but on the whole I was left feeling like he was one of the only characters who was extremely different and far more likable in the show. Props to Kou Weilong!

Xiaoyu: She is one of the other characters who felt extremely different between the two mediums, and I vastly prefer the show’s version. In the book, Xiaoyu almost didn’t even seem like a kid of only about ten. Her dialogue read like a young woman, and I have to agree with the book version of Huai’en that her feelings about Xiaobao were…uh…wow. I definitely preferred Su Yin alluding to a marriage as merely a parting shot at Huai’en. Of course, the context is important: in the book, the Jins already decided Xiaoyu would run the family business, and she was also aware of what had happened to the Xues and that she wasn’t actually a Jin. In those circumstances, it makes sense that she would have been groomed to consider this eventuality without much thought given to their brother-sister relationship beyond just always being together. Still, uh…very glad they didn’t go that route. It also meant she could be more of a child in MYATB and wage a war for Xiaobao’s attention against Huai’en without that loaded underlying meaning.

Zongzheng Yuzhan: In MYATB, he seems to have gotten an upgrade. Even more than just being an oftentimes off-screen, absentee antagonist, he was a character foil for Huai’en. We are meant to see that Huai’en’s understanding of love is twisted, as Li Gongxiang said, because his only example is his foster father’s obsessive and possessive form of love. What makes Zongzheng Yuzhan monstrous is that he can’t change. What makes Huai’en human is that he can. He could have been a monster—a beast, as Xiaobao calls him in the book multiple times—but he takes a different road. That road leads to direct conflict with Zongzheng Yuzhan and emphasizes their differences in a dramatic and captivating way. In the book, that conflict really isn’t there. Zongzheng Yuzhan very easily lets go of Huai’en being Zongzheng Yunlian’s son and urges him to be free until he comes back for Xiaoyu. Perhaps that’s the Zongzheng Yuzhan we’d have seen if Huai’en had visited him in prison, but that steady escalation of their differences until it reached a boiling point made the stakes in the second half of the show that much more impactful for me.

In all, I enjoyed BFSS. It was worth reading and did add a lot of insight into certain scenes that couldn’t possibly include dialogue, especially Xiaobao’s thoughts during poison episodes and his quieter moments as Huai’en insisted on proving what a joke Su Yin’s security was to him. (I’m imagining Su Yin with a clown nose and wig asking, “Am I a joke to you?” Yes. Yes, you are. But I love you anyway.)

Perhaps I’d feel a little differently if I’d read the book before watching the show. Having gone the opposite direction, though, I’m left astounded at how well MYATB took a book with over a hundred chapters, adapted it for the screen, enhanced both the plot and characters, and told the story in twelve episodes with time to spare for an extra fluffy epilogue. There was a lot of love put into the show, and while I did enjoy the book, that may have made all the difference for me.

[catflowerqueen]

You know what? I’ll just go ahead and outline my thoughts on why I think getting called “her father’s daughter” could be a potentially devastating insult for someone—likely an enemy—to call Earth.

Again: This is not me saying I think any of this is necessarily true of her character, just that recent events and how certain actions she’s been taking lately could be seen, especially from an outsider’s or enemy’s perspective (at least—her actions given what I’ve gleaned from summaries and what others have said about what’s been going down).

The Creator takes a forcible approach to changing things to fit the worldview he desires. And when people no longer fit that worldview? When the façade cracks and people refuse to play along with his vision? He disavows them. Throws them away.

And… what did Earth do to Nexus? Before they even directly attacked her, and it was completely reasonable of her to feel the need to step back a bit since her actual life was now in danger?

She disavowed them. She threw them away.

Nexus was too caught up in their grief and their very real problems, was no longer being the doting older sibling, said a few mean things about her not being a real therapist—which she’d already said early on that she didn’t even want for that to be her role in the family, before going back on that for some reason later on—and was no longer playing the role she wanted and was used to. Nexus was no longer in a stable headspace to clean up everyone’s messes, and was, apparently, supposed to be “more mature” than Lunar when it came to dealing with trauma and people who hurt them, their family, and trillions of uninvolved innocents—even though Nexus has never had their very real traumas addressed or given aid for or had the chance to heal the way the rest of their siblings have—so when they finally, inevitably broke under the grief and pressure?

Earth didn’t like that, and went by the Creator’s example of dropping the façade of care and throwing them away. And then immediately switching her attention over to something supposedly "better" in the current iteration of Moon.

…Though, at least she was different in that, at one time, she did care about Nexus, while the Creator never cared about her. But that also just might make the pain worse. Because it is one thing to learn that you were never loved at all, and the whole thing was just a lie or a mask someone was using to get what they wanted. To learn that you were always just a tool, or a means to an end.

It is another thing entirely to learn that the love existed, but was shallow and conditional and depended on you lying and putting on a pleasant mask that hid your pain. A mask that only you needed to wear—because your position has always been the scapegoat, and everyone else was already good enough/fulfilled enough in their assigned roles to never even ponder stepping out of them to see if they would be happier doing something different/their assigned roles included messing up and making mistakes or acting "childish" or "spoiled" as a matter of course.

And, on the note of assigned roles…honestly, as others have said, Nexus never should have been considered the older brother to begin with—to any of their siblings—since they were younger than her. And younger than Lunar, by certain metrics, since even though Lunar technically was “reborn,” they didn’t have to contend with any memory gaps and just picked right back up where they left off. To the point that it could be argued they didn’t even “die” so much as just get put in a coma for a long time, especially with how nanomachines were and are implied to work in the TSAMS universe.

…Anyways…

This ended up a bit harsher toward Earth than I’d intended (probably because I decided to stay up and write this after I should have been in bed and asleep), and is probably meaner toward her character than she actually deserves… But, as I said, this is an exploration of why calling Earth "her father's daughter" would be the sort of insult an enemy would sling at her. One of the ones who like to pick at sore spots, use psychological torment, and twist things like memories and actions around to make them appear more sinister than they were in reality.

Do I think Earth reacted badly, and should have handled the situation better? Especially since she had tried to put herself in the role of a therapist? Absolutely I do. Do I think there was any sort of “evil machinations” or deeper meaning behind her actions on par with why the Creator tried to uphold that genial façade for so long? Absolutely not.

I genuinely think she was just overreacting/mishandled the situation/lashed out in her own sense of anger and sadness, and is now just doubling down with how crazy things have still been for her family lately. Especially now that there is a “new” Moon to deal with and Nexus is both out of sight and out of mind... as well as possibly genuinely out of her reach, both physically and emotionally. And she also might not want to reconcile given the whole “they almost killed me” thing. Which… yeah, after that point it is fair that she would be upset and angry and want some physical distance, and I wouldn't blame her for not forgiving Nexus for that specific thing.

It would have been fair for her to want some physical distance after their earlier harsh words, too… it’s just that isn’t what she said she was doing. Had she said/expressed by her actions something to the tune of “I need to take a step back from this for my own mental health so I can have some space to process,” it would have been fine. But she didn’t. She and Lunar immediately jumped to what was essentially disownment, and then didn’t clarify in the next lore video that those were just the harsh words they were saying in the heat of the moment and that what they really meant was they were upset and needed their own mental health breaks/weren't equipped to deal with the severity of the situation.

…Honestly, though, with Lunar it hurts… not exactly less, but at least in a different way when it comes to how they handled things, because they’d always been combative toward Nexus. The only time I remember them genuinely expressing concern or love for them as a sibling was after the daycare got exploded thanks to Ruin during the second October takeover--and that wasn't even expressed directly to Nexus--and then when Nexus and Sun found their way back. Yes, they did run immediately for a hug from Nexus after being rebuilt and getting rescued by Puppet… but then they immediately admitted it was because they’d briefly forgotten that Nexus was “New Moon,” not the original one.

So while their reaction to this entire situation was and is still massively disappointing, I can’t really say it was too out of character for them. At least not the same way it was coming from Earth.

…Hope this made at least some sort of sense.

[mysticalcats]

ok fellas this post is really different from my other stuff so i'm putting it under the cut for people who don't care and also because i'm slightly embarrassed

ok so. is it unusual for a girl to want to have a deep voice and a flat chest and a more square face and also feel slightly jealous of men and want to sound like them and look like them

and also is it unusual to want to be all that, but also simultaneously not be very bothered very much by how you look right now or by being referred to with she/her except for sometimes when you think about it too much. because i usually don't think about it except for sometimes where i suddenly just get really sad about being a girl or i'll always have this faint feeling that i am just unhappy about it

and also is it unusual to try to ignore it and go about your life being unbothered by it even though deep down it does kinda bother you but you can't really. like. say anything to anyone because your family won't react well and neither will your friends because they'll think it's weird and uncomfortable. i feel afraid to ever feel this way because i know the people in my life won't react well to it

so like. genuine question please lmk wtf is goin on because i'm unsure if it's normal and i've felt like this for a long time and it's confusing me and i don't even know what i'm going to do with the information once i know i'm just sort of lost LMAO

[lionheartedmusings]

i saw a post earlier that q!tubbo is the only "moral" character even after purgatory and it's kinda kept me awake, not because i don't agree with the sentiment (i do) but because the idea of morality as intrinsically important in fandom / character analysis is fascinating to me, *especially* when we're talking about the morality of someone who's basically just spent two weeks in some eye guy's budget hunger games.

first off, while i fully agree that by the end of this q!tubbo *is* a character that tried at every turn to be kind and generous even to his own detriment, how does that make him more or less "moral" than q!phil or q!fit? he still killed, the same as them. he still strategized to beat his friends, has blood on his hands — why is he marked above x, y, or z in the moral scale?

well, one could argue that he did what he did for his team, for the eggs, and because he was forced to when he was put in the game in the first place, yeah? it's not his fault he's in this position, and he's doing his best to survive it. i personally think that's totally valid and justifiable, but it leaves a huge elephant in the room.

what about everyone else?

i'm going to use q!bad as an example because he's my main pov, and before i go into this analysis i want it known i'm very much playing the devil's advocate and illustrating a point — i am not saying his actions are "good". good? good.

okay. so, q!bad. here we have a non-human father who was told by his missing child to win regardless of the cost, or whomever he had to run over. he had to win. is it immoral then for him to take that to heart and play the game the way it was presented? is it immoral for him to kill for his child, or to be determined to win even in detriment of others? to want to use the same strategies in the battlefield that everyone else would, even if they're not kind or polite?

i don't fucking know, because morality isn't linear — this situation *isn't* linear bc if people will go on the record saying they would kill for their child and are praised for it, what makes q!bad's actions in the universe he's existing in any different?

you can even say that by some perspectives, q!tubbo extending so much kindness to his competitors over and over again was at times (or could've been) detrimental to his team ergo their childrens' lives and yet he still did it. is it more moral to save children or be nice to someone else?

my point being, i feel that the morality argument while very very interesting is kind of irrelevant bc when push comes to shove, characters aren't compelling bc they have more or less morals — i genuinely think a lot of media / character consumption has *actively* been harmed by everyone's need to have the thing they enjoy be "good" or "moral" or "right" bc if it isn't, what does that say about us?

the answer to that one is: absolutely nothing, but man do i think sometimes people in fandom feel guilty if they like or prefer an immoral or grey character vs a "stereotypical" moral one.

anyway, all this to say that i think by the end of purgatory, q!tubbo is the character that was most true to himself and his values from start to finish, and it's been a great watch. is he the most morally correct? eh. who the fuck knows.

[jeonghan-yoons]

Hi everyone! I just wanted to share my coloring/giffing process for stages because I love making performance sets and I know that giffing kpop stages is a daunting task, not just for new gifmakers, but also more experienced ones. This is in no way saying my way is the best or right way to color, but I hope this will somehow help alleviate some challenges for anyone who is afraid or hesitant to gif stages.

Disclaimer: I am not a professional and although this blog is relatively new, I’ve been giffing for a little bit over 3 years with a lot to learn still. This tutorial is focused on K-Pop stages and doesn’t necessarily apply to other types of gifs. Also, I try my best to explain why I do things the way I do here so this is going to be long (image and word heavy).

With that in mind, let’s get started! I’ll be using our precious Jeonghan in Seventeen’s Super performances for this tutorial :D

BEFORE WE BEGIN

This tutorial is mostly focused on coloring; however, I believe the quality of your video file, sharpening, and timing also factors a lot into whether your gif looks good or not. For reference, I use VapourSynth and Photoshop 2020 cc for making gifs. Vps is not necessary to make good gifs but it does help make my process easier and quicker.

Files: For performance gifs, I only use .ts files because that ensures all of them come out in the highest quality possible. Please refer to this post for more information and where to get them (thank you op <3).

Sharpening: I use Vps for sharpening, denoising, and deinterlacing .ts files. I tend to keep my KNLM settings between 1.2 to 2, depending on how noisy the original video is, and FineSharp between 0.3 to 0.5. Any additional denoising/sharpening is done in PS.

Timing: Because I deinterlace with qtgmc 60 slow, the resulting video import will be 0.2 for the frame delay. Gifs that are too fast or too slow will compromise the quality of your gif. For stages, I like to use 0.3 as the final frame delay for 60 fps files and 0.4 for 30 fps.

Exporting: My export settings are Adaptive Diffusion since I find that to look the best.

BASE LAYER

As you can see even without coloring and just based on the file, sharpening, and timing, I already have a nice gif to work with. I like to start by correcting the original lighting and colors so that I have a nice canvas for coloring. I do this with a levels layer and use the eyedropper tools to designate what I want to be white (bottom eyedropper) and black (top eyedropper). Here, I zoomed in on the highlight of his mic for white and chose the darker area of his mic for black. I also adjust the brightness a little.

The gif is now much more vibrant and less faded. I think the lighting here looks okay but, sometimes, a curves layer is needed to even out the lighting. Below, I am trying to lower the saturation of the red as well as make his skin even (aka not shiny) so that I can color later.

Just an FYI: The curves layer also has the same eyedropper tools found in the levels layer so you can skip the levels step if you prefer to use the curves layer only. I find that using the eyedroppers to designate what is truly white and what is truly black helps significantly in correcting lighting. For example, if your gif’s covered in a purple color and your darkest pixel is a dark purple, when you pick that pixel to be black, PS will correct your gif’s color table and get rid of the purple. The same happens when you designate the brightest pixel to be white.

Here is an example. Notice in that in the first gif, it looks faded and is filled with a purple filter and lighting. A single levels adjustment layer using the eyedropper tools to designate a true white (the highlight of his hairpin) and black (his hair) color removed the filter and made the colors of the gif more vivid and saturated.

COLOR LOOKUP/GRADIENT MAP

Next is my favorite layer, the color lookup. This adjustment layer takes your gif’s color table and matches to a selection of presets. I generally use this at a lowered opacity to even out or add color to an idol’s skin while also darkening the background. If your PS doesn’t have this option, I find that gradient maps set to the right colors and opacity have the same effect. Here are two examples of the different color lookup layers I used at different fills.

The Fall Colors adjustment gave his skin some life and warmth while the Crisp Warm adjustment darkened and gave the gif more saturation.

CORRECTING BLUE VS. RED BACKGROUNDS

Generally, Kpop stages have backgrounds consisting of cool (blue, purple, green) and warm (yellow, orange, red) colors. I personally prefer a cooler background because it is much easier to manipulate and will not affect the skin tone of the idols (unless there is blue lighting on their skin). Warm colored backgrounds are harder to manipulate because you run the risk of messing with their skin.

Gifs that have too many colors end up looking pixelated so my goal when fixing backgrounds is to turn cyans/greens/purple into blue and manipulate the blue using the hue/saturation and selective color layers. As for warm colored backgrounds, I darken and desaturate as much as I can without affecting the skin. Any sort of magenta can also be treated in the same way.

I like to make my backgrounds into gray/black or at least very desaturated so that the idol can shine and be the main focus of the gif. Having less colors will help improve the quality of the gif so don’t be afraid to play with the hue/saturation sliders. Here are just a few examples of the adjustment layers that I used for the gifs above.

That will usually work if the lighting doesn’t change. If the lighting changes, then you might want to change your approach. For the following gif, there is a flashing light that fills the entire gif with blue light, including his face. In this case, I can’t darken the blues because it will end up giving him a weird gray color when it flashes. Instead, I go the opposite direction and lighten the blue using the hue/saturation layer.

Make sure to pay attention to every frame to see how the hue/saturation layers affect the rest of the gif. Here are the adjustment layers for this gif.

COLORING SKIN

Correcting backgrounds will always end up affecting the color of the idol’s skin so it’s best to minimize the effects as much as you can so that you have an easier time coloring. The layers that I use to color skin are color balance, selective color, and hue/saturation.

I start with color balance, adding in a mixture of yellow, red, and magenta to the midtones. To counteract the warmth, I add cyan and blue to the shadows; I rarely mess with the highlights unless necessary. I use selective color to darken reds and yellows with black. If the yellows/red are too pink, I darken with cyan. If the yellows/reds are too yellow, I darken with magenta and lessen the yellow. If the yellows/reds are too cool, I darken with magenta and yellow.

Above, you can see that he’s kind of pale without any added layers. The color balance layer added warmth in yellows and reds and the selective layer added some depth to the shadows. These were all minor adjustments but they had a great impact on how the gif ended up looking.

For this gif, I noticed that he was just a bit too pale after the color balance and selective color layers so I added a channel mixer layer to add a tiny bit of pink into his skin.

Here is another example. There are a lot of other skin coloring tutorials out there that do a better job of explaining the do’s and don’ts than I can but as a good rule of thumb, try not to make their skin too yellow or pink and you’re good! :D Refer to this tutorial for more information.

FINISHING TOUCHES

The remaining adjustment layers I use are exposure, brightness/contrast, and vibrance. Everyone has a different preference for these layers and that’s what makes creators’ gifs unique from one another. So, adjust these layers as you’d like! For me, I like increase the exposure and balance it with a decreased offset and gamma correction with the exposure layer. I also like to decrease contrast in the brightness/contrast layer and increase both saturation and vibrance.

It’s best to find a good balance between brightness, exposure, and contrast. If you increase exposure, make sure it’s balanced by something else so that your idol won’t end up looking too white. Gifs that are too bright will end up looking pixelated and grainy. If the noise in your gifs is not an artistic choice, then making sure everything is balanced will help reduce noise and make your gifs look crisp and smooth.

Giffing stages is hard, but it’ll get easier with practice and time/dedication. It takes me a total of 2 to 3.5 hours to make 2x2 performance set from start to finish and 2 days for a 9 pc set like Fear, not to mention that I had to recolor the first Super stage 3 different times. I’ve also had my fair share of bad looking sets. Stages are difficult but they’re doable! If you have any questions, feel free to send me an ask. 

Here is the link to the psds I used to make these gifs. Happy giffing~!

[hangryyeena]

SquidgeWorld refusing to even talk about Palestine and other genocides happening because "this a fandom space" is wild and severely disappointing

[kimsuyeon]

teach me your ways on how to color whitewash idols. it’s so pretty

hiii omg thank u !! i will say i make new coloring for every set + recommend that so ur coloring is unique to the lighting, idol, etc.! i only mask over the original at the end of coloring (otherwise it can trick your eye into thinking something is off), and i ask people for help making sure i didn't oversaturate sometimes. i'll color a yeri set from the same file as those irene gifs earlier to show my process :)

sharpen! my sharpening whitens highlights most times, so i try to color over it so i know it won't become overexposed when i go to export. base gif (sharpened in vs) versus sharpened fully.

2. gauge how pale they are compared to naturally light photos w/ minimal to no editing / general 'what is too pale'. she isn't very pale here so not too much needs changing.

first adjustment layer: levels, set the blacks using the eyedropper. helps with contrast and overall look.

second: curves, adding back highlights and depth (especially around nose and cheekbones, which tend to get removed when it is washed out).

exposure! make sure to adjust gamma as well, don't go too far. this is the no. 1 cause of overly white gifs with otherwise nice coloring.

next is brightness and contrast, which same rule of thumb as exposure. don't over-do it.

hue/sat: fix yellow or red leaning skin, and then i add saturation and darken skin channels to add life and warmth without making it too overdone (if you just saturate, it can look cartoonish imo)

selective color (#1): adjust reds, yellows, blacks, and whites. sometimes change neutrals (add magenta and yellow while lightening them overall) on very stubborn originals.

selective color (#2): fine-tune previous adjustments to look natural. ADD WHITE BACK TO HIGHLIGHTS! this helps with the glowiness

it can be done at this point, but i did one more fine-tuning hue/saturation (when i adjust other colors like blues to be the shade i want too). this is also when i use color balance or a second brightness/contrast to get my end result where i want!

base (sharpened in vs) vs. the final :D

i also like to color with the previous / done gif next to the new one to make sure they match :) like so - i copy and paste the coloring group and then adjust it (and sharpening!) as needed for cohesion

the psd for yeri, and the irene set from earlier if you'd like to mess with them. irene's is more extreme as the lighting was worse.

[electrosquash]

Follow the news. The Folkwang Museum's cancelling of Anaïs Duplan's exhibition (and still profiting from his work) is not the only institution overreacting preemptively in light of the current crackdown of israel-critical voices on a slippery slope to fascism.

These developments didn't just start with Hamas' attack on Israel of Octobre 7th:

But the political landscape is using its performative solidarity with Israel to restrict fundamental rights more and more especially with the rightwing parties heating up the migration debate again and the Ampel dropping all semblance of a backbone. And they aren't nearly done - keep in mind the upcoming elections where everyone wants a piece of AfD's fascism pie as they are projected to reach majority in three states.

[mumms-the-word]

tbh i'm actually kind of pissed at larian. regardless of if it's sticking it to hasbro or not, they're leaving the game in a potentially awful state and not delivering on promises they made, like the upper city. You also have SWEN talking about shit that could have been like ketheric's recruitment and what not, which stirs the pot even more and makes me angry. Like stop talking about it. we're already upset enough.

These are all very valid critiques, anon! I have many thoughts but I’ll put everything under the cut since I got a little long-winded because I’m passionate about video games in general.

I do play a bit of Devil’s Advocate here but please note I am not attacking you personally or trying to direct any hate towards anybody at all! This ask honestly gave me space to vent some thoughts I’ve had for months about this game. I did my best to offer nuanced perspectives and acknowledge my own biases. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, including their own disappointments and praises for Larian, Swen, the actors, and all involved in the making/maintaining (or lack thereof) of BG3.

TLDR: We shouldn’t put Larian on a pedestal as the Best Studio Ever, but we don’t have to grab our pitchforks and say they’re the worst studio ever either. If BG3 is a disappointment it might be because Larian flew a little too close to the sun trying to squeeze 80% of a functional D&D experience into a digital video game package, when (in my opinion) those two game genres are almost inherently designed to not mesh well, disappointing one fan while satisfying another.

———

Point #1, Idk how much Larian is sticking it to Hasbro but Hasbro IS a greedy corporation who has no idea how to make video games and I very highly suspect they’ve been making demands of Larian’s team that are impossible to meet without destroying the work ethic (and health/mental health/financial stability, etc) of Larian’s team. Hasbro just sees dollar signs. Larian isn’t necessarily as interested in milking BG3 for all it’s worth.

If they were, we’d be paying for Upper City in a DLC, and we’re not. Instead they’re choosing to pivot to a fresh new project that isn’t beholden to Hasbro or the demands of WOTC. Does it feel like they’re abandoning the game? Yeah, kinda. But if Swen says that his team looked visibly relieved to move on to something new, that gives me warning bells. Not against Swen, but about the crunch standard of games industries as a whole and possibly against Hasbro or WOTC. I’d much rather his team take care of their very human selves than grind themselves to ultimate burnout working on a game that is functionally complete, if buggy in places and not satisfying for some players because they didn’t get the content they wanted.

There is no perfect game, after all.

And honestly I’d say the same of any AAA studio too. I am consistently frustrated with game studios firing whole departments for the sake of retaining profits and treating their employees like content robots. Games should not be made at the expense of anyone’s physical or mental health, but unfortunately that’s The Industry Standard. (And personally I think Larian or at least Swen is uncomfortable with that.)

(Also I think people forget that making a game the size of BG3 requires the talents and hard work of hundreds of people. Larian was working with, what, 400 people? And that was after they hired like 250+ to even rise to the challenge of making BG3. Who are we even pointing the finger at for all these issues? Swen? He’s one man.)

Should they have promised something they couldn’t deliver? No. But also, I have no idea what issues led them to cutting the content, either. What’s done is done.

BG3 will be an obsolete game in a year or soon anyway, not because Larian isn’t working on it anymore, but because the games industry is just So. Freaking. Big. and pumps out thousands of games a year. Like, I hate to say it, but people are already dropping BG3 for other games like Dragon’s Dogma 2 because DD2 is shiny, new, and has a bonkers character creator.

And there’s nothing wrong with that! We’re not built to play (or work on) a narrative-focused game for 5-7 years, regardless of what any die-hard Destiny fan tells you (note: multiplayers without narrative get a pass purely because the focus isn’t on the narrative, but on collaborative play).

If a game is no longer fun to play, move on and find something that scratches your itch. Go back and play old games! There are so many things out there to explore. I have a To Be Played pile literally right now, a backlog of games I haven’t tried out yet. I’m sure many others do too.

Point #2 (and here I could be wrong, if I’m not already wrong in my opinions above), but they’re not entirely abandoning the game like…at the drop of a hat. They’re still promising at least a handful of hotfixes and at least one more patch with new evil epilogue endings (among other things).

Does that get us Upper City? Likely not. Does that add enough content to give Wyll a more well-rounded storyline, elevate all the romances to Astarion levels of cutscenes and dialogue, and finish Karlach’s questline with an actual solution for her heart? Also likely not. Is it precious to be mad about these losses? No! Be mad!! Wyll deserves justice!!!

I’d love to explore Upper City. I’m a huge advocate for Wyll getting more/better representation. If I could save Karlach without throwing her into Avernus I would in a HEARTBEAT. But these things aren’t in the game, and they likely won’t be. Larian made decisions to meet a (self-imposed? Hasbro imposed? Industry-relevant?) deadline that are ultimately disappointing. We can absolutely acknowledge that we’re disappointed.

But I don’t necessarily think Larian is just being lazy about these decisions, though. At the end of the day we have no idea what contracts Larian is under, what hell the developers have been through, either from the game industry, Hasbro, rabid fans, or excessively cruel critics, or what technical/gameplay/scheduling/financial issues they ran into at various parts of development.

Like the Ketheric thing (Point #3). Was it bad PR to bring up that Ketheric was a “kill your darlings” decision late in development around the same time you’re openly promoting the end of your relationship with BG3? Yeah. Totally. But I’m not surprised they had to cut something like that. Games, movies, books do that all the time. How many deleted scenes from movies have we seen where it could have changed the whole narrative (maybe even made it better) if it had just stayed in? I can think of a handful. It sucks, but trust me, it hurts the writers and developers way more to cut content they’ve poured money and time and heart and soul into than it hurts us, the players who would never know the wiser if they hadn’t said anything.

But also, the game is ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE. On PC you have to have 150GB free just to install it. Can you imagine how big it would be if they had shoved everything they wanted into it, even if they had delayed the game a while to make it happen? 150GB is a lot.

For perspective, that puts it on par with a very, very, VERY tiny sector of PC games at about the same level (or higher) of GB requirements, including Red Dead Redemption 2 (a fantastic open world game that still holds up in 2024), Microsoft Flight Simulator (which requires 150GB because it’s literally just flying through high quality renders of actual Earth), Forspoken (everyone says all the GB went to graphics here and I believe them), Star Wars: Jedi Survivor (which only has about 50 hours of playable content, allegedly), basically any VR game, and ARK: Survival Evolved which comes in at a whopping 400 GB mostly because of DLC. In other words, games that big get that big either because of graphics or like a hundred DLCs.

BG3 manages to fit in gorgeous cinematics, a super complex spell-combat system, a more or less streamlined video game build for complex D&D combat rules and mechanics, 10 potential companions, 8 romances among those companions, several large maps to explore, and branching narratives that would take you days to read every scrap of dialogue for (I’ve downloaded the datamined files for Patch6, and there are whole leagues of dialogue, encounters, and bits that are in the game, unbugged, that most of us pass by because we don’t explore enough). You want to know where most of the GB goes? It goes towards sustaining a D&D combat/narrative structure that was originally never built with video game constraints in mind.

Do you know how many conditions/status effects there are in the game? Over 1100. 1100+ unique descriptions and titles for conditions that debuff or buff your character or your enemies, granting hundreds of actual gameplay affects. Do you know how many spells there are across the 12 playable classes and all unique spells for enemies and allies? Like 400, if we’re getting picky and splitting hairs over stuff like Rolan’s Magic Missile being different than the usual Magic Missile or if we’re splitting out something like Disguise Self into its 32 different variations. Each spell needs a different icon, a different graphic effect, and it needs to do the right kind of damage and cause the right kind of condition or effect, some of which are immediate, others which linger.

We can speak with dead with hundreds of characters. That’s a lot of dialogue. We can talk to ANY named NPC. That’s a lot of dialogue! We can talk to any animal, with or without speak with animals enabled. That’s a lot of dialogue!!

A single playthrough where I try to explore as much as possible takes me 150 hours or more. I have 500 hours in this game and I’ve only got 4 characters and I’ve only finished 2 of them. This game is mind-bogglingly big. Even if it’s not the biggest game in history ever, or even the biggest game by the time of its release, its BIG.

The biggest critique I would have here is one that I’ve had since I first started playing the game, and it’s that D&D systems and video games don’t mesh comfortably well. I think that Larian got distracted trying to make the ultimate D&D experience, catering to a demographic that is known to ignore plot and pursue shenanigans, and Larian felt the need to build in a lot of shenanigans.

I think they got a little overzealous about it, and that’s where we have missing content, and a lot of fluff that isn’t always plot-relevant. If the game feels unfinished, it’s because Larian started too many threads, and while there are endings to all of those threads, many of them feel rushed or unsatisfactory. Why do they feel unsatisfactory? Because we’re offered so much freedom early on, only to be pulled back into the much more limited narrative constraints of a video game at the end. Because the game has to end eventually, unlike a D&D campaign which could go on or explore many other possibilities. But by act 3 in a 150 GB game, we’re running out of time and space.

And yes that’s disappointing as hell and Larian could and arguably SHOULD have made different decisions on what to focus on.

But ultimately, you just can’t fit a full-on, any-choice-goes D&D experience in a game that needs to be packaged neatly enough to run on most PCs or consoles, and Larian was ambitious as hell to try. Contrary to popular belief, I think they did pretty freaking well given the challenge, and no, it isn’t perfect, and no, to confess to my own bias, I don’t have the same complicated history with the game that early access or release day players have because I bought the game like 2 months after it was out and patched twice. But they’ve clearly built a game that people love so much they’re upset there isn’t more of it, or at least upset it isn’t the best it can be.

But sometimes we have to be realistic too. I can only imagine how many more bugs or render issues we’d get if they did try to shove in Upper City at this point. Games can only be so big before they start to become too much for the systems that try to run them and I don’t want the games industry veering towards making games an elitist hobby for only the rich and elite who can afford expensive rigs and $100 games.

(And also, I’m not at all upset that for $70 bucks I got 500 hours of gameplay and I’m not 100% sick of it yet. When EA and Activision are getting players to pay hundreds in micro transactions and DLC and dangling extra maps and new missions behind paywalls? Bish, please, I’m good. You want to talk about an unfinished experience? Dragon Age: Inquisition made us pay for our epilogue content as a DLC. At least Larian built theirs in for free from the start.)

Anyway.

All that said, I’m sure if Larian could turn back the clock and start over, they’d make different decisions about what to keep, cut, and refine. But we’re here now.

If I want to see anything from Larian right now, it’s a dedication to fix ongoing bugs that make the game unplayable or that block the narratives that they have built so that they play correctly (like with the Minthara romance). IDEALLY I’d like to see them add more content for companions other than Astarion, to equalize the romance experiences, but I’m not holding my breath (again, considering things like game development, actor schedules, contracts, etc).

While I’m sad about the permanent loss of stuff like the Upper City and disappointed by all the rushed questlines, I’d rather them fix the bugs that make the game un-fun to play and bow out gracefully once they’re sure the game won’t need constant supervision.

Besides, they’re working on cross-platform mod support, and mods are gonna add and mess with the game for many years to come, so we can pivot to support them instead while Larian works on its next game (and hopefully learns from its mistakes with BG3).

[alagaesia-headcanons]

There's something inherently ugly about how you ship Murtagh with Orrin. It's one thing to not like the main ship for a beloved character as set up by the author - valid - but it's another to push half of said ship away to force in your fave pasty white boy. You can write meta after meta after meta all you want about how poor Orrin is done dirty, or how that meanie Nasuada hurt him, or how the books don't put your fave background character on a pedestal, but all your writing amounts to is the fact that you've imprinted on Orrin and are now using him as a vessel for your original character. In your writing, he's not a character from the series anymore - he's your OC wearing Orrin's face and bearing Orrin's name. Which, it isn't bad to expand upon a sidelines character. But it's the way you turn around and spew how fandom fave Murtagh is in love with your OC that really shows the truth and the rot festering in you. You can cry and bemoan the romantic love Paolini has written between Murtagh and Nasuada, but your essay won't amount to jack shit if you're just going to turn around and replace Nasuada with your OC and suddenly sing it's praise.

Before you start decrying all of this, ask yourself: why are you so desperate to discredit canon's romance? It's one thing to think they should both remain single after the trauma they experienced throughout the series - fair take. But then why are you so eager to prop up your own ship? Is "Orrin" inherently more worthy of of Murtagh's love? Or is Nasuada simply not worthy, but instead in the way, in your eyes? You can wish all you want for people to love your writing, but that doesn't hide the rotten foundation of your ship: sidelining Nasuada to uplift your white fave and wanting him to have all that she does. No amount of rambling meta about how they're a "good ship" and they would work will ever cover up your inherent biases and -ism's that your poor sad white boy's ship is built upon.

For the love of god.

Anon, let me just say this to you directly- block me. It's that easy. Sending something like this instead is an embarrassment. But since you've already said your piece, I'll go ahead and say mine.

Let me first bring up what you oddly wouldn't directly accuse me of (maybe even you knew what a blatant straw man it is), that being racism. I'm not going to make light of this. Racism in fandom is a real issue, and separating a ship with a character of color to ship white characters can be a symptom of that. I have never turned a blind eye to this and I make a continual effort to remain conscious of it because it's incredibly important to me that I'm not contributing to this kind of prejudice in fandom.

This pairing started years ago when I thought of a crack ship polycule with all three of them. Over time as I considered that, the idea of shipping Murtagh and Orrin developed into a distinct concept which I found more intriguing than shipping Murtagh and Nasuada. At that point, I made an active decision to examine my interest and determine if it was grounded in the way canon presents the individual qualities and dynamics of these specific characters, independent of the broad groups any of them fall into, or if it lacked any such basis in canon and only stemmed from an unconscious bias of mine. And if I didn't find any substantial elements of canon that supported the idea, I intended to put it away and work through my bias.

So I looked, and I found I could fully explain the reasons the ship appealed to me through the details in the books. I never made some public announcement about taking this issue into full consideration because it shouldn't be performative. Holding myself accountable is a basic personal responsibility which I take seriously, not something to make me look better. But it’s always felt meaningful to simply convey that I care about putting thought and reason into my ideas and my preference for my ship isn’t baseless. I’ve done that, but it seems I should be more direct here.

So let me lay out my thought process. Why am I not interested in shipping Murtagh and Nasuada? The things that deter me personally are both emotional and logistical issues. The major emotional issue to me is how disparate their priorities are. Murtagh prioritizes protecting loved ones, which causes issues when he accepts and complies with awful acts while trying to defend them. Nasuada prioritizes the good of her cause, which causes issues when she dismisses another person’s wellbeing when it’s in the way of her goals. Murtagh’s character arc is about learning the best thing he can do for his loved ones might be accepting their willingness to make sacrifices, suggesting he becomes aware of his issue and would try to correct that going forward. However, Nasuada still doesn’t seem aware of her issue after the war, given her policy about magicians and her minimal concern for Roran, so that still presents an underlying problem that would badly exacerbate their serious trauma until it’s addressed.

None of that is a moral judgment on anything. Both of them could cause any number of other issues; it’s just stating where they stand. And I still think they could be written in a way that stays true to their characters while working through those issues so that they stay together. I think it’d be exceptionally challenging, and it still might not be to my own taste, but it has that potential. But there are also logistical issues. Nasuada is queen in Uru’baen. I genuinely feel like this is so meaningful to her character, a very fitting culmination of her aspirations, and if she were to take substantial spans away from her throne, it would be a disservice to how she was written. That said, with the way I characterize Murtagh, I really don’t feel that he would want to openly settle in a place defined by politics and power struggles. I feel like it would be very unfulfilling for him and Thorn, especially in the city of his tumultuous childhood and their tortuous enslavement. So given the dissatisfaction if Nasuada left the rule she wants and deserves and the discontent of Murtagh living in Uru’baen, I struggle to imagine them as more than a distant, intermittent relation.

So that’s why I personally don’t enjoy shipping them. Of course, it’s subjective, but I feel like it’s also fair, and you seem to suggest that you do too. So let’s move on. So now the question is if a potential relationship with Orrin would present the same or equivalent issues that I overlook just because he's a white man.

Naturally, this is subjective too, but I say no. Of course there are still possible emotional issues between them (if there were none it’d be boring), but they’re different. Given the way specific way Orrin grieves for his friends and struggles to have faith in their cause when he sees the risk of his people being killed, I believe he is also more focused on looking after individuals than pursuing a cause. I feel like that lays a smoother groundwork with Murtagh, who has been hurt by people who dismissed his wellbeing, and that reduces a lot of underlying pain between them. Orrin’s other struggles, like defeatism, fear, and hopelessness, as well as yearning for recognition and autonomy, align with Murtagh’s experience more in a way that makes their emotional issues more interesting to engage with.

With logistical issues, obviously Orrin is also a king. But I don’t find that presents the same issues either. I interpret that Orrin didn’t want to be king and isn’t content in that role. When the matter of Murtagh’s desire to avoid being openly tied to Surda’s seat of power arises, I find a much more interesting and balanced potential story where Orrin also hopes to leave his crown and they support each other in their search for a home that they can both make their own. The discrepancies I personally find so bothersome between Murtagh and Nasuada don’t come up with Murtagh and Orrin, so I enjoy their ship more. It’s just about my interpretation of compatibility. That is the crux of my thought process. No one has to agree with it, but I believe it stands as a fair assessment.

You insist that I ask myself why I prefer one ship over another. I've done that. I've already been doing that the entire time and will continue to do so. You keep whining that I make a lot of meta analysis about aspects of the characters and how I feel like they would or wouldn't mesh together, and yeah. That's the whole fucking point. In the same way I just did, those posts explore and articulate the concrete reasons one ship appeals to me and one doesn't. For years I've diligently asked myself why I'm drawn to Murtagh/Orrin more than Murtagh/Nasuada and I'm fully secure and confident in my answer that it's the emotional and narrative possibilities they have that appeal to me more. If I was given all the details of these characters, stripped of any names, descriptions, genders, ect. I know I would still really love this ship.

And that's not even to say that it's somehow "better" (it's just different in a way that suits my taste), or that Murtagh and Nasuada's relationship must be meaningless or non-existent if it's not romantic. In my story where I ship him and Orrin, he and Nasuada go through struggles, but as they grow, they're able to reconcile and learn to better support each other and their relationship ends in a much better place.

(Also, if you're talking about my “essay” that Murtagh's true name doesn't change because he fell for Nasuada, that's irrelevant to shipping them. The series could end with them getting married and they could be my all time otp, and it'd still be true that falling in love didn't change his true name. It's just a separate part of his character arc.)

For another thing, Murtagh and Nasuada are NOT a canon ship, and that does matter. For example, it has very different implications to change an interracial ship that is happily married in canon. In the IC, it is canon that they're attracted to each other, but nothing beyond that. (And I've never even discredited that! In fact, I've said their attraction is well written and in character. It's included in my story; I didn't overwrite it.) They're never in a relationship and there's no set up that implies romance is inevitable for their stories. You yourself acknowledge that there are very valid reasons to interpret that a romantic relationship wouldn't work between them!!! So if it's fine to not ship Murtagh and Nasuada as a couple, why is it suddenly heinous to imagine Murtagh with someone else?

It’s not. Your claims are far more baseless and distasteful. Why do you act like Nasuada couldn’t possibly be respected or worthy without Murtagh’s affection? Why do you act like pointing out her mistakes condemns her entirely, as if she’s not allowed to have any flaws? Why do you think a relationship with Murtagh is equivalent to all that Nasuada has? I won’t make your kind of moral accusations about a stranger, but I will simply say that I find that very objectionable. I love Nasuada for being such a unique, flawed, and fascinating character who is so much more than all that. And if you made such a volatile, deplorable, inappropriate response simply to the idea that Murtagh- a fictional character- could love someone else, you might need to take a step back. You’re being cruel.

(Also, I don’t feel like going through the whole “u just made orrin into an oc” shit tbh. This is long enough. I take care to draw my characterization from canon, but y’all can read my stuff and decide for yourself if you’d like. Although, saying I imprinted on him is the funniest part of this ludicrous message. You know what, yeah. I’ve tricked you all. You thought this blog was being run by a human being? WRONG. Baby duckling.)

[ganondoodle]

i really need to defeat the fear in my head that i am exactly the kind of villain fan that the vast majority seems to despise and that once it becomes clear im gonna get hunted down like i have been before