#long live nuance

[wavvymania]

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It’s really happening?

[dontbelasagne]

desperately need to do a presentation on why the Twelfth Doctors journey perfectly represents the transfem experience

their previous eleventh incarnation being suave and hypersexual (i know moffat is mostly to blame but!) is reminiscent of attempts to fit into heteronormative ideals of masculinity. whilst it is not completely insincere, there are obvious signs this does not fit you as a person, it is acted out of desperate need to being seen. as Vastra put it, eleven wore that face, and subsequently that form of masculinity, to be accepted. on becoming twelve, realising even an "idealised" masculinity does not inherently serve them, they retreated into themselves as a person for self-reflection and trying to understand why they feel so detached from who they are.

the "am i a good man" arc mirrors being closeted and having to present as something not inherently tied to your sense of self, but still wanting to be the best of your perceived gender as any failure could leave you spiralling into self-doubt about simply being like any other "man". you ignore your gender dysphoria/questioning by trying to claim a moralistic view of gendered expression. made even more clear by Twelve rejecting Clara's heroic view of them, establishing that even though they have made efforts to be a "good man", that is just a placeholder for their loss of identity.

Missy appearing as she does, who as a character serves as a parallel to The Doctor on what they could become, and her eventual arc in trying to become good is symbolic of the fear around transition regret that internalised transphobia can create when you are closeted. Missy never gives importance to their fem existence other than nonchalant jokes, rather showing a more free and expressive personality devoid of any frustration. this immediately dismisses the transphobic assumption that trans people are only focused on their gender. also, Missy representing trans femininity is inherently tied to chaos and upsetting the status quo, she is the embodiment of what society considers accepting your womanhood as someone previously labelled masculine. what many others, and The Doctor themselves, saw as a need for attention and senseless disruption is Missy not needing to serve a false version of who they are, that they can now focus on becoming whoever they want to be now without losing energy to performing a gender that society has imposed on you. Missy could never have made the decision to stand with The Doctor if she had not given importance to her own queerness.

it wasn't coincidence with meeting Bill, she was the perfect foil for The Doctor to finally let go of their anxious attachment to masculinity. i would even argue for the majority of s10, The Doctor is largely ambiguous in their gender identity and does not fit into any construction of masculinity or femininity. whilst they still present as something socially labelled as masculine, they do not internalise that gender expression. they are uncaring about and not needing the validity that comes with heteronormativity, and thus is free to finally accept the decision they have to make. as Bill says, it is so hard to let go of The Doctor, and that rings true for twelve themselves. but they begin to realise The Doctor can be anyone. yes, they are tired, it would be so easy to simply rest and not give value to who you can become. but choosing to let go of everything you once were to survive is better than oblivion. it is better to let go, to choose another lifetime where the only person that dies is your falsity, to finally get it right and choose kindness. for yourself and for those who you love. they regenerate, not just into another person, but into someone who (if only tv scripts...) can now move forward.

[sergle]

There's something about like. A certain genre of posts / Online Opinions about insecurity/depression/misery/complaints that are so unhelpful that they wrap right around to being straight up hilarious. and it's the ones that are more or less written to the tone of "Feeling bad? That's gross!" Like, just so you know, don't voice your insecurities/ have low self esteem, because that's offputting! You're gross and weird. Don't be insecure about that, though. That would be stupid if you felt insecure about people disliking you for being insecure. Not attractive. You should be thinking about being as attractive as possible. You shouldn't make comments about suicide, even if you're suicidal! Keep those thoughts entirely to yourself. Make sure nobody around you knows you're thinking about this. It would Make Them Uncomfortable. It's better to keep these thoughts in your head where they can fester. Don't post OR talk to friends with complaints about you feeling miserable or depressed. Tbh people who are sad/upset a lot? Kinda a red flag! You are probably miserable because you're a bad person and you've brought this on yourself. If you don't have friends, it's because you're awful to be around. Easy! Solved the problem for you. And no, there is no nuance to this, got it? So, make sure to feel bad about feeling bad, but don't feel bad about it, because, well, that's just gross. And annoying! You might've wanted your brain rotted thoughts to be Peer Reviewed, you might have just needed to vent- you might've been hoping for some comfort, to get things off your chest. Well, don't! Don't talk about thoughts or feelings that are negative with your friends, you'd be burdening them and that's only meant for THERAPY. #SponsoredbyBetterHelp #MentalHealth like, DAMN. that's so helpful. you're so good at helping. I um really liked the part where these are all hard and fast rules that encourage keeping feelings bottled up and keeping your friends at arm's length. That's really funny of you.

[sharky-teeth]

the Holy Trinity of stanford!era dean centric fics:

if you tell me where you’re going, I’ll tell you where you’re bound (by paxlux): this story is a masterpiece. very distinct atmosphere and flow, paxlux was incredible at setting the tone. personally, i find this to have the most accurate portrayal of dean during that period, it nails his mental & emotional state, as well as his mood swings and coping mechanisms. this is one of those stories that are hard to describe because they must be experienced.

Odysseus, American (by coyotesuspect): this is the only one that actually contains sam/dean scenes. gorgeous and immersive and achy. the author did a wonderful job drawing parallels and putting this story together, it is rich with emotion in a way that feels natural and true. the ending ties everything up neatly.

December, Sutter County (by elsi): i liked how this was set during the end of the year, the first time dean spends the holidays truly alone. the setting made dean's loneliness even more obvious, but the story in itself is very subtle, for the most part. another lovely character study that does dean justice.

[shaanks]

okay listen here are my long ass unprompted two cents:

The popular fandom concurrence that Luffy doesn't bathe often, and only usually when he's dragged in there or in a group setting, is correct.

The popular fandom concurrence that this is because he's a dumb stinky baby that doesn't understand hygiene and scratches his ass and sniffs it in public, is categorically false. (and also annoys me and feels in line with other ways that the fandom tends to infantilize Lu and downplay his intelligence, but that's gonna have to be a post for another day.)

Think about That One Thing that happened to you when you were a little kid. Maybe you fell down and broke your arm. Maybe you got stung by a wasp. Maybe, just maybe, you fell into a pool and almost drowned.

Bad things that happen to us in childhood will stick with us well into adulthood, and likely for the rest of our lives. Fears and traumas from our formative years shape the way we think, and require a ton of effort and, often times, professional intervention to unlearn the coping mechanisms for.

Luffy had a ton of really traumatic shit happen to him as a child, and a LOT of those things revolved around a consistent series of near-drownings. With the bandits when Shanks had to come save him, which involved nearly drowning AND, as a result of that deeply frightening, very painful event, the witnessing of his mentor and father figure getting his fucking arm bitten off saving him.

Then, over and over and over again, in the jungle with Ace and Sabo. The first few times he really did nearly die, because the boys didn't realize he couldn't swim, and just stood up there, jeering and laughing at him until the bubbles stopped coming up and they realized something was wrong.

Every time they went over a bridge or fought some animal or had run-ins with dangerous adults, the chance that Luffy would have a near-drowning event was ever-present and always non-zero.

It's shown in canon that, during the rare times they came back to Dadan's hideout for baths, Luffy was hesitant to join in, not because he enjoyed being dirty, but because he was visibly frightened to get into the water barrel, and needed support to do that.

Even into his adult life, this problem has persisted, and it doesn't matter how strong he gets or how many techniques he learns, there is nothing he can do but hope someone saw him fall if he ends up in the water again.

Getting water in your nose and lungs hurts. Getting it in your eyes hurts. It can take ages to run out of your ears, it can make you sick, we're not built to have water outside of its designated metabolic areas.

It's the only real weakness he has, and nearly every non-beverage run-in he's had with water in his entire life, since the age of like 5, has been some level of dangerous and traumatic. The kind of mental fortitude involved in pulling his Water Luffy stunt in Alabasta is, for him, just as much a show of the ferocity of his loyalty as anything else, despite how objectively silly it looks (and how comically angry it makes Crocodile).

Luffy doesn't bathe often, not because he's stupid, not because he's lazy, not because he doesn't "get soap" or whatever nonsense reasons are floating around, but because water scares the shit out of him, and he's not very good at articulating that emotion, nor the need for support that fear entails.

Thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

[himblebo]

What’s wrong babe? You’re thinking about Glinda’s face before she is handed the torch to light the funeral effigy of her friend? Her best friend who was fundamental to the woman she has become? The woman that she abandoned at the most pivotal moment of their lives in an act of cowardice that she has spent the rest of her life running from? Her best friend that, through her own lack of action when it counted most, is widely believed to have deserved her murder?

[smolstarthief]

Why did I recently realize that Sumi tying the ribbon back in her hair when officially joining the group actually kinda parallels to when she did it during her first session with Maruki but the contexts are different??

"Dr. Maruki, I... I want to become Kasumi." || "I want to live life as Sumire!"

I'm honestly having trouble grasping why people want the ribbon to be replaced besides "she's still clinging onto/dependent on her sister" which... Is not why she chose that? She even spells it out at the end of her SL: It's in memory of her sister along with her newfound promise and resolve. This is part of why her putting it back on works for me and not a sign of dependence on Kasumi.

Especially since having it all the way down just showcases her depression and mental state so it's like... Huh?

I can see it materializing her outfit being a mix of her admiration to Joker and her growing newfound promise to Kasumi. Cendrillon being brought back with Kasumi's spirit can kinda support that too imo.

Sure, a redesign would still be a massive improvement but still it's more about that particular bit and the ribbon which commonly used in criticisms and arguments. Idk, it just works somehow despite the writing issues and a lovely parallel!

[becauseplot]

*returns to yours* I HAVE THOUGHTS! NOT COHERENT ONES TOO SLEEPY AND NEED TO SAVE COHERENCY BUT THOUGHTS!!! MOSTLY ABOUT ISLAND TEAPARTIES AFTER THE KIDS ARE ASLEEP WHERE CELLBIT AND PHILZA DRINK TEA AND PHILZA TEACHES CELLBIT ABOUT STARS AND CELLBIT SLOWLY GETS BACK INTO HIS ENIGMAS AND THEY BOTH BITCH ABOUT TEA BUT DRINK IT ANYWAY BECAUSE IT HAS GOOD STATS

YEAAH!! YEAHHH!!! Okay okay okay so I meant to ramble more earlier when you initially responded to my ask and then I got sleepy and conked out and now it's super early for me, nailed it lmaooo. so anyway just like a couple things i noticed abt this scene *rolls out a scroll of notes, the bottom hits the floor and bounces out the door cartoon-style*

Chayanne gives Cellbit a rose!! Idk if Rose still has influence here (I'll have to sift through Phil's VOD to see if he says anything abt Rose, yesterday I mainly watched Cellbit's POV) but he's protected now!! That kinda folds him into Phil's "closer" circle of friends/family since it's primarily them who carries the roses for protection so!!!!! I'm!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE TEA!! Yes the tea the way the tea immediately broaches the topic of purgatory, and yeah the audible wince in Phil's voice after Cellbit says the tea triggers him and Phil agrees. Yeah it's so shit and they're both so sick of it but it's so OP. Phil survivalist (hardcore) :handshake: Cellbit survivalist (hunger games/"The War"), do and use what is necessary to keep yourself alive.

And AAA!! Yes, okay okay so like you remember that idea abt Phil and Cellbit having late-night convos at the Order pre-purgatory? This is basically that!! It's late at night, they're getting caught up with each other, they've both got the shitass tea and it's going cold and!! In my head this scene goes on for a full night and they just sit and talk and talk and talk, eventually conking out when it's late, just like old times EXCEPT THEY HAVE THEIR KIDS NOW WHICH IS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT BROUGHT THEM TOGETHER, THEIR DESIRE TO FIND THEIR KIDS, AND THEY FOUND THEM!!! (I should write a fic i NEED to write a fic, me vs the 754389 wips in my brain; in my head they still had late night convos in purgatory when their "play time" timers lined up, phil waking up early enough and cellbit staying up late enough for them to talk while the others slept)

The way Cellbit still minces his words abt what he and Bags did post-purg 1 "we had our fun...bolas...style..." is it because he thinks Phil will think less of him? because there's children present? because his SON is present? idk how much Richas knows abt what Cellbit did in purgatory, Richas *did* rescue him while he was fighting eye workers but does he know about Cellbit hunting fellow players for sport? what Cellbit did to his pai Pac? I NEED ANSWERS

Phil's "Dude! No! Oh my god... D:" to when Cellbit says Roier was better off without him. PHIL WAS AT THEIR WEDDING. HE TOOK THE GODDAMN PHOTOS OF THEM AT THEIR WEDDING. HE SAW HOW HAPPY THEY WERE, HOW HAPPY ROIER WAS, WHEN THEY WERE REUNITED IN PURGATORY. Phil isn't close enough to Roier nor speaks to him enough to really understand the full extent of Roier's grief after purgatory 1, but it's gotta be hard for Phil to imagine Roier happy with Cellbit gone. Whether he believes it when Cellbit says "yeah Roier told me he was better" (doied WHEN I GET YOU---) is up for debate but I think about this constantly.

Phil fucking laughing when Cellbit admits he ate some of the eye workers fhdjsk. I can't get over the combo of Cellbit POV (in character thinking: "I'm terrible I'm a cannibal I'm a monster") vs Philza POV (cc who laughs at everything that is even remotely cursed) honestly, taking this as in-character (bc ccPhil doesn't mute his mic to laugh and he...usually does that for ooc bits while in the middle of rp), it says a lot abt qPhil that he's able to just laugh abt an admission of eating corpses. ethics who? geneva convention who? qPhil doesn't know her. munch on those eye workers king they're dickheads. (fuck, DOES qPhil know that Cellbit is a cannibal, as in, he has eaten not just workers but other players?? hmmm...)

"I'm sorry I couldn't do much as bolas leader" "It's better that you didn't see us...I think you'll be disappointed" "oh I could never be disappointed what do you mean shut up *laughs*" GODDDDDDDD also Cellbit trying to say he got worse after purg 1 and Phil saying "nah bolas is already at ground level" (either not understanding or indirectly reiterating that he won't condemn Cellbit for his actions, I can't tell) and then Cellbit just,, going with it. because it's not worth it to argue and he's trying to move past all of that now anyway. (QCELLBIT PROCESS YOUR TRAUMA CHALLENGE LEVEL IMPOSSIBLE)

watching Phil's POV now and HFDJSK you can't hear it on Cellbit's stream but Phil catches Richas as they're both leaving and says quietly, "Take care of your dad, Richas, n' take care." I'M 💥💥💥💥 (<-banging table)

Anyway!! This is what happens when the two characters I'm obsessed with interact for the first time in months. Over-analyzing a 5 minute convo. Sorry, it will happen again :] Praying they stay as neighbors I'd love to see archivists have more interactions!! And yes yes yes yes the tea parties with the kids!! Phil routinely chatting with Cellbit and watching him slowly "regain his color" as he settles back into peaceful life post-purgatory, falls in love with enigmas again. They've always trusted each other when they don't trust themselves, and they're both a Stable Point for the other. I'll miss what we never got to have with the leaders-of-the-Order-having-meetings ideas (timezones, wails) but I'm so excited for new island mysteries!! :D

[nachobsns]

hi i saw your ask to applesauce and i just wanted to say im so proud of you for pulling yourself out of the radicalization pipeline, that takes true strength and bravery

thank you :) it’s tough because those spaces are excellent at conditioning people who have no involvement with the conflict whatsoever into a very absolutist “you must be thinking and talking about this issue at all times, otherwise you are a Bad Person who supports Bad Things and deserves to Die” mindset but really any “peace activist” whose “solution” relies on the complete demonization and dehumanization of another group of people does not care about peace or activism at all and i’m much happier now that i’ve stopped giving antisemitic bullshit any sway over my life. obviously does not absolve me from the harm i caused by being a part of it but i’m glad that i no longer am

[lovebitesandcrosses]

Man, I would find so much solace and comfort in the obsessive love related tags if they weren’t all just like kinda unwell teenagers roleplaying anime characters. I’m not one to shit on what mentally ill young people do to cope so whatever but like… girl you’re not a yandere it’s just your first crush please stop.

[noecoded]

If you could have any Asmo/reader fic what would be the things you would want from it? like an ideal fic would contain what tropes or AUS or situations or whatever

uhmm anything wellwritten that characterizes asmo similar to the way i do ! i rlly like character exploration , both more serious stuff & just sillycute...anything where asmo is a little cunning and toxic and also gets railed into oblivion.anything where hes a vampire. ill write a tag essay about the specifics

[reinabeestudio]

you stop shaving as a woman and people just dont know what to call you anymore huh

[july-19th-club]

love an ending that is 'happy' in that a desirable outcome is produced, but made complicated by the fact that the protagonist has given up something integral to themself in order to make it so. it's sort of uncool in some circles to admit you LIKE when characters give up something really cool for something pretty basic, but it's all about context and quality of storytelling, right? that sort of conviction - this is a part of my personality that i am permanently renouncing access to, and it's my choice, and i'm going to miss it, but i'm not going to regret it - that's compelling. ending in which a character who loves nothing more than the rush of finding the answer to a question is handed, one day, a puzzle they just don't want to solve. and that part of their life is over, but it's not a bad thing. maybe the answer doesn't need to be known. maybe not knowing it opens you up to a creative mindset you never had before. character who gains some kind of special power chooses to give it up not because they no longer love the ability, not because it hasn't improved their life, but because this thing they love comes with costs, is getting in the way of a life someone they love or loved and lost would want them to live. i'm glad it turned out this way. i miss the missing thing with all my heart. i would let go of it again if i was asked to choose.

[sunshinetrinket]

i feel like theres not nearly enough nuance when talking about like. the morality of social media. everything about dropping social media entirely is about being productive, but fail to consider the fact that entertainment is a very normal part of human life? and social media captures a very social kind of entertainment.

i dont think social media is inherently addicting because its fast form entertainment meant to give you quick boosts of dopamine. like eating candy can do that too. but social media is social. artificially to some degree, sure, but social nonetheless. and what is the world if not incredibly lonely. especially in adolescence. it's like quick and easy socializing thats not going to fulfill you but will make you feel like it does for a little bit at least.

and also its entertainment, which is a thing that has existed for ages. people like to chill sometimes. thats normal and also good and healthy. we are not supposed to be productive every moment of our lives. and frankly i dont want to. youre not wrong for not wanting to. its okay if you spend a few hours every day on your phone watching videos. its literally entertainment. its a fun leisure activity. you are not morally bad for like. chilling out. for a bit. obviously theres lines where like sometimes you HAVE to do things and also doing things is good for you generally but its not some hard line of "oh well cut all entertainment (specifically ones that also do some artificial filling of social needs) of your life forever so you can be a better person"

[wildaboutmnhockey]

.

[svtskneecaps]

thank you for bearing with my purgatory posting and i'm also glad to see i'm not the only one who still has this fungus eating away at my brain matter. seeing other purgatory posting in the tag makes me feel better lmfao.

i'm not done btw, posting will (probably) continue as i revisit vods. wanted to extend a thanks in the interim, since i know how contentious the event was in the moment. i kinda thought the general consensus was most people hated thinking about it, but there's been a weird amount of engagement and yknow other people talking. makes me happy to know i'm not alone here!