#long for no reason

[empirexsin]

retrouvaille / @treebitched​

his life has been a journey that most people would gasp in disbelief, or simply not believe at all. he recalls being a small boy. guessing his age would be pointless, but he knows he still had some sense of innocence, idiocy, and ignorance about the world. the three i’s that seem to be the key to a blissful existence if they can be maintained. he liked pulling things apart - objects, and then, putting them back together again. it had started when he had broken his uncle’s camouflage-designed lighter. his uncle had always lied about how he had been a military man and fought in all kind of wars. the reality was, that he was a bum and had been in so much trouble with the law, that no good place of work would take him. and so, it seemed like being a fabricated veteran was a good enough excuse to tell people as to why he didn’t work. 

but max had known the lighter had meant a lot to him. as if it would continue this image he’d created of himself. and he knew, that if unfixed, his uncle would do what he often did - and often didn’t need an excuse for; violence. max had quite a knack for fixing things. his mother, a mentally ill, abused woman, had doted over max claiming that he’d be a doctor when he was older - a surgeon. but they had such little money for an education that the idea of such a profession seemed laughable. it was only when max got into computers that he’d earned enough money to buy himself into college. to sit among kids from hallmark happy families and middle-class upbringings. for a while, they seemed to look at max as if he were the token poor kid. it was only when he began to use his intelligence, to laugh in their faces at their mistakes, and use manipulation, that he won them over. charm, he’d learned, was a good way to lure people into false security. 

he’d fucked many women throughout college. he’d smile and they’d flock to him like geese after breadcrumbs. and becoming this heartless killing machine, max had learned more things about people. like how plants are more courageous than human beings: an orange tree would rather die than produce lemons whereas instead of dying, the average person would rather be someone they are not. it’s why he finds that when he kills, it’s merciful rather than cruel. people just don’t see it that way. far too weaved into sociological ideas of how society should be. but all of these unwritten rules are written by white men from the 1500s. and max could say a lot about that time in history. 

things had changed when he met willow. simple willow. blonde and stupid. he could have killed her. should have. didn’t. somehow along the way had found himself fascinated and infatuated with her. somewhere along the way, had become distant from her. if only because she had met another man. someone seemingly more trustworthy than max. more truthful in her eyes, but max thinks she only likes the truth when it’s said with flowers and soft-spoken words. not direct, harsh overtones. he hadn’t seen her since. a weird disappearance. nothing in the news. or the papers. no words were spoken about her on the street. just gone like a leaf being blown by the wind. you see it one moment and don’t think about it when it’s out of your eye line. 

but tonight he’d seen her. he was out of town. skipped town. hands in pockets on a cold night, in a big coat. the road is quiet. empty. he waits for the bus that comes every hour thirty. but he sees her, across the street, like some kitten that’s been dumped in a cardboard box by some lousy owner who can’t make a quick purchase on a dumb cat. and joy fills him. and aggression. he wants to hurt her with how overwhelmed he feels with this...happiness. psychologists will call it cute aggression, but they don’t understand how easy it would be for max to actually follow through with killing her right now. “ weepy, ” he calls as if he’s recalling a dog that has fetched a ball. “ don’t tell me this is where mister romantic has left you. this isn’t very paris ” 

[reubenandco]

Roo had his injections today and like 12hrs later he's really warm. Not sweating, and his head and face aren't warm. But his body is just really warm?? Obvi I'm not gonna put blankets or anything on him to sleep. Gosh I hope he cools down soon. I tried giving him nurophen a while ago but he threw it up (unrelated to warmth I think) Anyway this is the first time I've been worried about his health! Argh. Thank goodness for the breathing monitor otherwise I'd get no sleep!