#living with nts is just. so fucking exhausting

[sanguinewolves]

just. ugh. youll say “i am experiencing something that is a literal textbook symptom of the disorder i have” and nts will tell you youre making it up and its obviously not a real thing

[hallow-hollow]

yknow i'm starting to understand why high support needs autistics complain so fucking much about low support needs folks

there's no fucking difference between them and NTs when it comes to actually accommodating you. like even the leftie commie poly queer ones. god forbid you have hearing issues or need to know things in advance or have trouble getting the train. if you can't socialise then you should just go fuck yourself, because the social autistics do not give a fuck about you.

[catbountry]

Re: your reblog: No idea why a lot of men don't want anything to do with a movement that was regularly comparing them to bowls of poisoned M&Ms. It'll forever be a mystery

Oh fuck, that fucking post.

Like, look. I understand the importance of communicating why women might be intimidated by men. But that was such a bad comparison. I remember it being circulated by the kinds of people I was hanging out with who would wind up becoming increasingly right-wing, and it felt like every single time there was some sort of poorly articulated point about the fear that gets ingrained into us, it would just push these guys further and further away. This is purely anecdotal, but I was in a discussion with some guys in a server who said that they'd talked with multiple guys who were just kind of vaguely anti-woke not because of any deeply held principles, but because someone on the left was mean to them or disparaged them. In nerd spaces especially, these are guys who were likely already ostracized in school for being weird and are looking for, well, a safe space. And when perceived outsiders (other nerds who are demographically different from them) come in and try and make a space more inclusive, make it safer, and call anybody who objects a bad person... there's a really big social element to that. Like yeah, there's probably misogyny or racism or homophobia that could be unpacked, but those are things you can unlearn. And the best way for these guys to unlearn these behaviors is just through contact with people who are different from them with whom they have positive experiences. It's not the whole process, mind, but it's a good first step. And simply telling someone off for being bad when they might not even fully understand why it is that they have objections will succeed in getting rid of those guys from your spaces, but where do they go from there? Not the diverse and inclusive spaces we would hope they'd go, that's for fuckin' sure.

I don't want to say that it's our jobs to be super nice to these guys all the time, because you know what? Yeah, some of them do suck, as many people of all walks of life do. They won't change their minds because they see no reason to do so. But if you have the energy to try and level with these guys and just say things in a way that isn't accusatory and is just matter-of-fact, it works better. They're more likely to see you as a whole-ass person if you're willing to engage with them as a whole-ass person. It's exhausting, and I'm not the best at it, but goddammit, I've tried, with varying results. Even if they come in swinging, they can be tripped up by a simple "why would you say that?" or "I don't get it." Challenging them in a way that's not accusatory so much as it is asking them to self-reflect. Why would you say that? Why is that offensive joke funny? Why do you think it's an appropriate thing to say to people you barely even know?

I'm not one of those people that denies the existence of the male loneliness epidemic, though I certainly do think loneliness is up with everybody, not just men. I think neuroatypical men are particularly vulnerable; people with autism aren't any more likely than NT people to believe conspiracy theories, but I definitely found myself taking the word of people who I was friendly with when they perpetuated misinformation to me about shit like AGP or ROGD because why would they lie to me? Looking back, there were definitely people who were racist in a more lowkey way that wasn't immediately detectable by me because I couldn't hear the dogwhistles. But just by virtue of being a enby in predominately queer social circles, I have people around me that were able to challenge these views and help pull me away from these ideas (and help me realize that my gender is more "woman?" rather than just "woman"). These friends allowed me to realize just how stupid they actually were. There's a lot of guys, particular straight guys, who just do not have that in their lives. The bigots are always recruiting and there's nothing they love more than disenfranchised young men who are full of misdirected anger and resentment, especially ones who might be psychologically or emotionally vulnerable and incredibly insecure about it. It's a really hard mindset to get out of, particularly when your views get more extreme, and it's also something you have to actually want to change. Admitting you've been played for a sucker by people with agendas and who don't actually give a shit about you is hard. Nobody wants to admit when they've been had.

There's always a lot of resistance whenever anybody floats the idea that hey, maybe we shouldn't automatically assume these guys are assholes when we encounter them; they might just be ignorant, and you can talk to people who are ignorant without coming across as condescending or sanctimonious. Some of them might be assholes but let them show themselves first before deciding that you can't deal with them. But men are like most people; they don't want to see themselves as fundamentally bad or wicked. Nor should they. I know a lot of women who have been hurt by men; shit, I was hurt by the same man over and over and over again and was in denial about it for decades, and it was only after leaving him that I realized just how absolutely fucked he was as a person, and how he'd never have any incentive to change, even when faced with the consequences of his incredibly selfish actions. I tried so fucking hard to get him to improve only to be met with the same rote excuses for why he couldn't, and I kept giving him grace he did not earn. But also I was trying for 21 years. But his problems are his own. Not every man is going to be like him. I've known men who are, deep down, decent people, but they pick up shitty ideas that linger around them like a stinkcloud. The good news about stinkclouds, though? You can take a shower and smell better. You do it regularly enough, you won't stink no more. It's not an immutable trait. But it definitely helps to not hang around other guys who cluster and form a larger stinkcloud. You gotta wash your ass, if you must, as Del the Funky Homosapien once said.

Fellas, you are not a poisoned bowl of M&Ms. You might just be kinda smelly and in need of a bath. You can't remove the poison from those M&Ms, but you can clean up and become the best version of yourself. A lot of us have the stink of a lot of cultural ideas we've been fed without question, and you're not a bad person for having thought these things one time; it's a long process trying to challenge and prune these ideas. But you might be a bad person if somebody tries to reach out to you and you go and roll around in pig shit and declare how much you love being stinky, while also being upset that girls don't want to talk to you on account of the stink... unless they are taught from a young age to ignore it, or they also want to just socially isolate themselves by diving headfirst into the Bog of Eternal Stench. Those women do certainly exist, but they're not going to bring out the best in you, you know?

It's not an easy process, and it's not easy to reach out to people and have the psychological wherewithal to be able to handle some potentially wild shit. But if you're the kind of person who believes in rehabilitation in the justice system, then you should be able to extend that to people who just have some really shitty ideas that they just internalized without question who might just need to hear a perspective that they haven't heard before. Not everybody can do it, but for those who can? Try. You might help keep somebody from quoting crime or suicide statistics to strangers online in an attempt to feel some semblance of power above those they see below them in the societal hierarchy. You can't force change, but you might be able to nudge them in the right direction.

I think that's the best anybody can do. Try to be as kind as patient as you can, but don't take any shit, either. Remain firm in your principles. Remove yourself if you have to. But at least try, even when it's hard, because like it or not, we need as many of these guys on our side as possible of we want to affect the kind of change we want to see in the world.

... And that's all I have to say about that.

[merlinmyrddin]

It's with great difficulty that I put my pride aside here.

As a transgender man, currently living in the UK, it's hell. The waiting list of the NHS for my region is close to 6 years, my back is fucked due to binding my chest ("don't bind and exercise"... I work hospitality. I don't have a choice), to the point I ended up stuck in bed for 10h in tears due to spasms, unable to get an ambulance cause... the health system is not doing ok. I work in a café/bookshop; the mental exhaustion of having JK Rowling mentioned daily, debating trans rights to validating my existence, my family cutting all ties with me... it's rough mate. But it's life, my life.

I need help. If not to fund my transition going private (as this would average £1500 just to start...!), to at least afford a chiropractor for my back and neck so I can be able to move up to a full-time contract and save money, and for counselling.

Chiropractor is £40 initial cost for the examination, then £35 per treatment, which I'm hoping a course of 3 treatments should put me back on track.

Counselling is £20 a seance via my local volunteering counselling group.

My Pa*Pal

Every little help, even just a reblog would be greatly appreciated.

For people not living in the UK and for more context : many industries are striking right now (as they should. Get a union people!), the NHS is crumbling down, the government is fucked but hey, Harry wrote a book huh. Some people can't afford to put the heating on, people are queuing at the food bank and it's been 3 months that a friend of mine is sleeping on my sofa because the council, housing agents and homelessness emergency helpline are all backed up and virtually useless right now. Two other people I know had to face homelessness within the last month. Everything is ✨️fucked ✨️

I give back to the community the best I can : volunteering at my local LGBTQ+ charity, connecting people by having a coffee/chat monthly event to help reduce the isolation of elderly people, organising exhibitions about the queer history, bookfares... but it's only last week-end, when my back once again was being a pain due to the cold and humidity that I realised that I, myself, also need help, laying there in bed like a grumpy old man being so proud and stubborn it was low-key laughable...

So if you can help, thank you so much. If you can't, thank you for at least reading me ❤️

Fuck the government, fuck politics, strike like there's no tomorrow, fight for your rights, unionise, be loud, be proud, don't be a c*nt and hand in hand, I'll support you, you'll support me, and we'll get there together. Solidarity forever.

[meowmeowmessi]

did you see AlbicelesteTalk's post about di maria's interview 😭😭? they're getting so mad about it and FOR WHAT?? that's exactly what happened and that's exactly how it is with Messi lol. and now there's a mistranslation going around pretending di maria actually said, "the best player was no argentinian" and they're running with it when he actually said, "the best non-argentinian player". aa it's so exhausting on twt tbh, like if your fave really is that great why are you getting so worked up lol? some mf tweeted "argentinians when the whole planet doesn't worship messi like a god" and it was that breaking bad falling down gif and like??? where's the correlation lol, more like kyky stans when people think someone's better, be serious now.

anon it was the first thing i saw when i logged on twt this morning my entire tl was in shambles over the many translations and mistranslations 😭😭 the qrts of the original post are filled with kyky girlies losing their minds and saying how mbappe lives rent free in the argentine players' heads which is ??????? not only is this hilarious bc it's the baguette lovers who haven't been able to let the wc loss go but also saying this about DI MARIA?? THE ONE WHO WAS TERRORIZING THE FRENCH NT ON THE PITCH FOR FUN? THE ONE WHO EVERYONE UNANIMOUSLY AGREES SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SUBBED OFF SO EARLY BC HE WAS TAKING THE WHOLE FRENCH TEAM OUT ON A SPIN? this is just embarrassing behavior 😭 if di maria had played for the entirety of the 90 minutes argentina would've bodied france 4-0 😭

honestly it's the way i knew the minute i saw the second mistranslation that it was untrue bc ain't no WAY di maria would say that the best player in the wc was not argentine when lionel andrés messi was right fucking there having the best wc campaign in the history of wc campaigns (also bc he's argentine himself and being in love with messi is mandatory for them so there's that, too). you can really tell the ones who are getting offended are footy casuals or just here to twerk for the french nt and their golden boy lmao. di maria's left foot is greater than their entire country they need to get over it

[daughterofmalkavia]

Is it just me or is the most common response to 'I'm taking on to much and being overwhelmed' something to the effect of a dismissive 'oh I did the thing, it's not that hard'?

I'm autistic with untreated ADHD a long other run things like severe depression, GAD, CPSD and some panic disorder because my doctor is an idiot and refuses to prescribe pretty much anything stronger that 800mg ibuprofen, working a full time job and have gone back to school (two of them both full time course loads) to try and improve my state of employment because I'm now the one bringing in a paycheck to support a family of three since my husband nearly died from covid and is a type 1 diabetic in stage 4 renal failure and not eligible for a transplant so is on disability also when I'm not at work I'm home health aide for him and am still the primary caretaker of our house as well as primary caregiver for our teenage son who has severe anxiety and may well also be autistic.

I can't even say 'I feel like I can't breathe and am drowning' because that's just not an option between having to be the one holding everything together and if I slip and let any of that out it's just brushed aside by NT's and ND's alike as just something everyone should be able to do, no one seems to think it should be a problem much less actually acknowledge that I'm busting my as to take care of my family, am disabled myself but not only not considered disabled enough for disability but living in a capitalist hellscape working the first job I've had in over twenty years between having spent sixteen of those as a full time mother and having been considered unemployable for most of my life and have no reason to believe that ANYTHING I'm trying to accomplish is worthwhile and I'm not just wasting my time for nothing.

On top of all this the only reason I'm able to do what I am is by constantly maintaining ridged self discipline to hide who I am constantly which is exhausting on it's own. Masking sucks but I'm MOM so I have to hold up everything and take care of everyone and all their issues because THAT'S WHAT MOM DOES IS MAKE SHIT WORK.

Fuck I'm tired. /rant

[katyalume]

I hope this isn't weird but I read your rant and I hope that teacher breaks all his fingers. Being around NTs (nuerotypicals) is so exhausting when you start unmasking, they think they're the center of everything and that if you don't live how they do then you should just not exist. It's incredibly hard to just live though that and say fuck 'em when you don't have support and it's incredibly difficult to make friends while unmasking (especially as an adult, imo).

I'm also autistic with ADHD and going through similar stuff but I'm horrible at talking to people because I don't have social skills, so it felt weird to DM but if you don't mind and want an internet friend that understands the BS that NTs put us through, I will DM you (if not, feel free to ignore, of course)

hey! I only saw your message a couple of days ago and I've been battling to finally answer, I'm sorry for making you wait but I was very nervous to answer, and my social skills also suck lmao

but sure, I would love for you to DM me really <3

[the-girl-with-the-glass-heart]

Shout out to all my fellow ND people who constantly feel burnt out cause all their hyperfixations/special interests keep getting called out for being problematic in some way.

Ofc it's very important to point put problematic media, criticisim is the only way things can improve and it's good for people to know the people they support is problematic, alot of people don't wanna support terfs on accident. Problematic media can also really harm people irl by contributing to stereotypes and funding racist organizations so it's good we are learning about this, you should totally take time to listen and educate yourself.... But also hnnnnggg it gets so fucking exhausting sometimes!

you hyperfixate on one thing and then bam you find out it's got a problematic history and you feel like complete shit for liking it in the first place. It's even worse if your community has been actively hurt by the people behind the hyperfixation, like if you're trans and love harry potter or jewish and love disney.

There's no solution, we can't just not talk about this stuff, it's just super fucking exhausting to deal with and really sucks tbh. It certainly does not help that ND people often aren't on the same wavelength as NT's so then they get onto us for not immediately understanding their long af callout post filled with words that once meant something important but now have been reduced to mushy paste.

I think the best thing we can do is just remember that you're not a bad person for growing attached to this media, especially if it's something from your childhood you just now realized was problematic. Special interests and hyperfixations are a necessity for us, alot of the time it's the thing that reminds us to keep living, as long you know it's wrong and you are trying your best you are okay.

You also don't have to listen to NT people trying to shame you into giving up your hyperfixation, especially if they aren't the minority being affected and you are. You do what you can when you can.

With all that being said though, there are still ways around supporting problematic creators that you shpukd try, ad blocker, piracy, buying merchandise from independent creators. All of it would be really helpful. I still understand thought if you are unable to do these things, not everyone will be able to.

It's just like with plastic straws versus paper straws, you know plastic harms the environment but you can't help it if the paper straw gives you sensory issues so you can't use them. Your hyperfixations are a necessity to keep you comfortable.

[qmii]

Rant// TW: unalive mentions, autism discourse, potentially upsetting for early diagnosis autistics (I love you all but some individuals on here need a reality check and I cant sleep until I say what's on my mind).

EDIT TO clear out misunderstandings; this is not a my autism is worse than yours post, I actually believe I do have it easier than alot of autistics personally, but this post was specifically posted after seeing high note posts on a few autistic tags belittling late diagnosis/self diagnosis struggles.

so if u read nothing read this: I WANT ALL AUTISTICS TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK ABOUT THEIR EXPERIENCE. SAYING MASKING IS HARD DOESN'T INVALIDATE NON MASKERS. SAYING NOT BEING ABLE TO MASK IS HARD DOES NOT INVALIDATE MASKERS. NOT A COMPETITION.

//

Coming on here after a month long burnout that won't fuck off to find comfort in autistic tags just to find people shitting on late diagnosis autistics is really something.

It's so fucking exhausting, the neurotypicals already expect us to always be just like them, now non masking autistics invalidate us because we're not just like them.

Having gone through special ed classes does NOT make your childhood any worse than mine, you do not know what I felt back then, you don't know what its like to be 8 and to feel like like something is horribly wrong with you and you must hide it, to overanalyze every single interaction, look, voice tone, the way you dress, your weight, your hair your hobbies your fucking walk every second of every day for 20 years.

You do not know what it's like to have hours long shutdowns every weekend when you're 13 and NEVER knowing why, you don't get what it's like to feel the need to mask even when completely alone because you dont even know what masking is and that internalized NT voice is with you at all times.

You don't understand what it's like to have stupidly unrealistic expectations on you to be Normal and more often than not Perfect. To have literally 0 accommodations, to be taken advantage of, to be called "quirky" and "weird" by nts and then invalidated by autistics like you .

You don't understand the deep rooted self hate that a child must feel to literally fake their entire existence for decades.

You dont get the self hate that lingers even after you learn you're autistic and decide to unmask, because nt approval is all you ever relied on.

You don't know what it's like to want to end it all at 8 because the burden of hiding the thing you know is *wrong* with you is too much, spending years trying to find out what it is, getting told you are just edgy, quirky, dramatic, a liar, looking for attention, getting diagnosed with bpd, social anxiety, bipolar, being denied an autism diagnosis because you are female, NOT HAVIG MONEY TO GET A DIAGNOSIS, LIVING IN A COUNTRY WHERE AUTISM IS STILL REFERRED TO WITH SLURS.

You dont understand my experience, and I don't yours.

Hating the autistic experience does not make you special, we all went through hell in this NT world, and if I want to joke about it and hype it up for no reason, I can, thank you and bye

[ipictureitsoftandiache]

ahaha i’m really gonna be stuck with this back pain from my car accident for the rest of my life huh

[achitachi]

covid saga continued?

symptoms are now like a regular cold. occasional coughing fits. not a lot of snot. tg. but still snot. i'm mostly just fucking exhausted all the time. i spent most of today asleep. dreams be weird. part of one recent dream the muppets were living in both an abandoned bank and resturant. yeah...<_<

i would like to have energy. more than just taking care of the very basic needs. hell, i'm sleepy doing this.

i've been trying to tackle the usual shopping with online orders and giving D lists. so far so good.

we also currently have a slight ant problem. i want to do an over haul cleaning...but, again no energy. D has been attacking the problem. and the community bug guy is scheduled to come spray next week.

my youngest is funny. it's like mommy is sick, don't come near me. has the portable videogame console and curls up next to me in bed.

the oldest is having a tough time at summer camp. it's suppose to be fun for them. but it seems it's a bit more challenging. and it's hard to explain that yes our child is ND to the one "NT" parent. D is trying to understand and we're both working on getting oldest the help they need. mostly oldest has been having transition issues, listening to "authority" and not understanding why the game can't be "calvin ball" instead. they seem both overstimulated and bored. not a good mix.

i wish oldest was old enough for computer camp. their favorite thing is to either be playing minecraft or watching minecraft videos.

also, wish i wasn't sick so i could set up playdates for the youngest. i have budding mom friendships i'm trying to blossom, but having covid has put a pin in that. blergh.

stil can't believe i got covid. i mean, geez. you hear it's every where, but you're careful and take precautions, and STILL get it. i mean, my bestie's bf who lives in the middle of NOWHERE and doesn't leave their house got it awhile back. so yeah. seriously, be careful. wear your mask. wash your hands. hope for the best.

[bandofchimeras]

Re: autism, trauma and emotional labor of survival

I've beaten myself into a hollowed out anxious wreck trying to maintain a facade of being decent and likable and cool and what tbe fuck ever it would take for people to keep talking to me, include me in things. Mostly bc i live on the edge of poverty acutely aware of possibly needing to survive or get medical expenses paid via fundraiser. Maintaining lots of points of contact feels vital.

Itdoesn't work, and in fact backfired in then doing vulnerability oversharing honesty whiplash like hey actually, I am a MESS please don't leave me or Now I Really Need Help and like....

that's toxic, and its exhausting and I'm fucking sick of it. But I have to point this out:

when you're traumatized & autistic, "just be yourself" DOES NOT WORK THE WAY YOU FUCKING THINK IT DOES. you can NOT be yourself at work all the time, especially if you want to advance. You HAVE to control your moods, your tone, your sensory experiences, or advocate for yourself in advance. in many places publicly it is dangerous to stim or frolic or even to zone out, much less to meltdown. you don't just get to relax without experiencing a lot of literal uncalled for hate. you will be disliked and people will constantly find problems with you even if you mask. On the internet, you will offend or upset or confuse people.

Its literally inescapable.

So stop pretending socializing can be easy for everyone if they just relax. That's so silly.

When you're autistic and traumatized,, you have to find your people. who understand, accommodate, and love you, who can be honest when you make mistakes without roasting you over the spit. y

To heal, you have to create a really nice and safe space in your own home to decompress and YOU and the other people in your family, chosen or otherwise, determine what that means. Not any arbitrary social rules about Good Behavior. You have to find a big support system.

And not everyone can or does. Not everyone gets there. Especially physically disabled autistic people. Especially trans autistic people.

There's a lot of abuse, codependency, getting stuck, falling in with the wrong crowd, while you try to figure out survival.

And while I don't mean to paint a bleak picture and its very very possible to create a beautiful loving life while disabled, autistic, traumatized....I wish someone had been real with me early on about the risks, and popped some of my idealistic bubbles. Given me a good schooling on red flags, on navigating welfare, on social rules and what to expect from people.

It doesn't just get better.

You have to fight to make it better and even then sometimes...it just is what it is. You're not immune from getting kicked down the drain pipe. Life's like that and yeah. It sucks.

Thats the whole reason WHY being kind is important but being kind all the time will also not always help you survive. Your soul needs protection too. And so....

Its okay to mask. Its okay to study NT society and get along. Its okay to live under a lot of pressure so you can keep yourself or loved ones afloat. Its okay to reconcile with the parasitic selves constructed by your pain. Its okay if you never fully heal because life doesn't stop beating you down. Its okay not to be where you thought you would be or have to make choices you don't want to make to survive. You don't have to be relaxed and full of pleasure and wonderful experiences even if you deserve them, you just have to keep going and carve out time and space for them when you can.

And I'm rooting for all of us to make it out of survival mode and find the goodness that can lift one another up. But it is hard. And for some of us, those very vital social relationships that enable survival are the hardest things to find and maintain while being ourselves.

Some days positivity and hope are nice. But tonight I need to be real. And its okay. It really is okay. If you're alive, fed, and relatively safe....you're doing wonderful. And there is always another chance to connect, or get to somewhere better. But its okay to just be where you are now, too. Even if its alone or in a life you never would have wanted.

Don't give up just because its harder than you expected.

Its not your fault.

[shoezuki]

okay but about that thing on people just switching their sides up. I actually have a whole critical thing of the fandom that I'll never write post in my head that like.... I think comes up with an explanation on it. but I wouldn't be posted cuz it would be super critical of Twitter as a whole and i don't wanna die lol.

but also I was talking about this in zablrs rant-chat a few hours ago, and like. I think part of it is that people are very much emotion first. and with Twitter, tumblr, and twitch chat being the way they are with live tweeting/blogging/chatting what have you, you get all these emotional reactions first. which. fair. thats how people react, ya know? in a sense, that's what you're supposed to do/how you're supposed to feel.

the real problem, imo, is the people who get their ideas/views second hand from these platforms. like, esp with Twitter since the way trending works it really, really can push out bias and misinformation really fast. so the non-viewer is seeing this influx in "oh this character bad now" or "this character redeemed now!" and instead of looking for it themselves they fall into the mob mentality and go with it.

that means later, when the stream is done, people who reacted emotionally at first and now have time/distance enough to think logically don't. because now they're the ones falling into the mob mentality. I mean, even people who haven't watched the current stream agree, so maybe it has more basis than just the one stream!

so people then get the idea that those emotional responses are logical and so when someone comes in with a different perspective, they think "now hold on a second" and they argue against it. because, logically, they're in the right, so obviously you're wrong!

(don't even get me started on that. there is no concrete right and wrong, only what is, what isn't, and what should be and should not be done. but thats a whole other post)

and then people, because theyre arguing instead of having proper discourse, the literary definition which is literally just another word for discussion NOT argument, people are getting emotional again. and it's been proven time and time and time again that when you're responding based on emotion you're less likely to respond well to someone who's trying to tell you something else because it feels like you're invalidating their feelings.

(and boy, oh boy, don't get me started on how much this has created a divide between NT and ND viewers of the smp. because it feels, to me, that when a NT is feeling emotional and a ND is trying to speak to them with logic, they're being told they're heartless or something which is just hhhhh)

so we never get anywhere in the fandom. we're stuck in the same emotion-mob mentality-logic-mob mentality cycle and it's honestly just exhausting at this point.

tiny you’ve hit it right on the head. like. youre so fucking right here.

i talked a how twitter is Built in a way that sucks before Kinda like this n it REALLY plays a part in like. mcyt fans over there n information n ppls reactions to things. like. it REALLY shows in there n usually when im arguing that ppl are so Quick to React to things its over There moreso than here like. ofc Everywhere but anyways like, 

emotions are FIRST. its what ppl immediately feel in response to stimulus. like its a Whole Thing. how ppl can get angry and lash out then later will be like thinking it over and digest it better. and a LOT of dsmp stuff esp w tommy’s character appeals to emotions. like when we see ppl liveblogging its never dissecting or commentary on the flow and function of plot. its Always gut reactions

n like you said on social media it lasts SO LONG. the trending page on twitter is always fueled by in the moment thoughts and responses. things like ‘HE DIED’ and ‘SAM NOOK’ will get trending because ppl r livebloggin n freakin out about it. but it just drags all of it out too and creates like a domino affect.

idk how to say it without sounding like a dick either tbh but a lot of people will cling onto emotions and gut instant reactions, and will React and Speak according to that without thinking logically on analyzing things. so they’ll jump on ‘sam is a horrible person’ which sets off Other people and gets Others emotional and it spreads from that. mob mentality at its finest is how ppl will act in a Group and have the Same actions/thoughts largely because of emotional responses and Yeah It Do Be Here. 

n ppl jus will cling onto it so hard???? even when what others say is more rational and has logical backing its like. will just Stand Firm and can react badly and interpret criticism/analysis as Hatred and its WEIRD. 

like you mention the NT and ND aspect. and youre right like. not to lean on myself so heavy but i dont liveblog much or react In the Moment because im. like. not emotional. a part of my autism is i sometimes just Dont feel things or its not so Strong or i dont Get others emotional responses. easiest for me to feel is anger skjgfskg. 

n especially w philza n techno how ppl r so Reactive n Emotional about them in terms a them being ‘bad’ like. a lot a ppl i see defendin em and makin Hot Takes (comrades) r ND. 

[whoviandoodler]

Okay but I don't think we talk enough (that I've seen) about how TIRING noise is to ND people, and in this case I'm specifically talking about the school setting. There are people everywhere, chatting, shouting, screaming, giggling, especially in hallways or when the teacher isn't in the classroom.

Our brain finds that noise not only physically, but psychologically painful, and since often we feel the need to appear 'normal' in school, we have to shut down the need to have a meltdown over, and over, and over again, for HOURS. That shit is EXHAUSTING.

So it's no wonder that when we come home we seek quiet time away from people, and are often waaaay to tired to even touch a textbook. It's no wonder we do homework in school right before class in a frenzy because we have no energy to do it without pushing ourselves beyond our limits.

I cannot stress enough how harmful school is to ND people. It more often than not completely takes away the energy to do something meaningful with our abilities and to make art or just have fun because we're tired, and we have to quite literally survive rather than live.

So fuck anyone, family member or 'friend', who tells you should be more social, talk with them more or do more. We already push past what, if NTs could experience the world the way we do, would break them. We live with that fatigue and sometimes literal despair because we can't commit to our special interests or do something that's fun, but instead have to deal with the noisy, shitty world that makes us talk and make eye contact and play 'normal' and drains us.

[tomorrowmaybehell]

players remove second-place medals all the time out of disappointment. it’s hard to be proud of second place when you’ve spent two hours exhausting yourself & also gone through the intense pressure of penalties. second place isn’t gonna make fans love them (esp english fans), it’s not gonna help their career. nobody cares about second place so it’s very hard for them, in their tired & emotional state, to care about it either.

and it’s even worse for the black players who are not only filled with disappointment, but now the dread at knowing that their lives will be filled with racial abuse for the foreseeable future. nobody wants a reminder of that hanging round their neck.

Yeah, I’ve read a lot about the amount of racism those poor players are facing and it’s absolutely disgusting.

I see what you’re saying and tbf, I’m really just an occasional fan, and literally didn’t knew about this second place thing with medals.

I’m sorry to say what I’m gonna say BUT I’ve always kinda considered football fans very poorly, and I’m not a fan of football myself in general. I like supporting my own country during Europeans and World Cup, but that too is pretty recent.

After my comment under the post, you’re not the first person that sended me an ask to specify that every second place football team usually removes the medals and I’m.... torn?

Like, AT LEAST it was not just an English nt thing, but at the same time it kinda reinforces my dislike for the lack of sportsmanship that football seems to portrait. A second place on such a huge tournament is a GREAT result, even more so if it hasn’t happened in a long time. If utter disappointment is all they got, I would suggest taking it easier next time.

That said, football fans need to chill the fuck down and let it go, cause the amount of hate towards the English nt is possibily even worse than the hyper annoying behaviour they where having before the match, when they though they already won everything.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

A Prompt

April 14th: What do you like about being autistic?

can be Hard To Say only because it's like, literally everything about me being an autistic person's Characteristics lol, and that like, that initial sense of Difference between myself and other people was like, noticing some sort of mismatch / misalignment, but also that i was the one feeling shut out / out of place about it, so it's defined in that negative way like, well i guess i'm doing things wrong somehow, and it all keeps being framed like, whenever it seems to stand out that there's something Different about myself, it's about trying to figure out what's wrong here, why some interaction isn't working or whatever, and when actually getting positive responses or whatever, it's doesn't quite feel so individual, like, oh i guess i'm just seeming normal to people here, right lol. but that, also, of course, things you Could consider positive / like about yourself sure might not be received / responded to in that way by other people, can't always even just feel neutral about anything / not notice it, even if it can't possibly actually Matter / isn't causing any kind of problem for anyone else it's like well why are you doing this unnecessarily & Weirdly.....and you know, pathological model vs social model, naturally, where i don't think "hey if this part of being autistic led to Negative Experiences, it's b/c being autistic is worse than being allistic and i wish i was allistic, b/c that's the only way to Not be, for example, objectively and rightfully excluded and punished by people around me" lmao

but for a start i saw some quote from an autistic person the other day mentioning just this sort of like, what they love about themself re: being autistic, and i remember one of them being You Mean What You Say lol, with the example "if i ask 'how are you' it's because i want to know how you are" lmao like yeah a really exhausting Greeting Ritual in particular when it's like, literally every time you hear that you have that awareness like "okay remember this person doesn't Actually want to hear about how you are," tbt to times like "when it's was really discouraging being texted regularly like 'what're you up to / how long will you be away' because for a sec i'd interpret it as 'this person is actually just asking what's up or wondering when you'll be around to hang out with, might be asking with the intention of making plans With you,' but then i have to remember it's about hoping i'm Away so my presence isn't interfering with what they want to do and of course it's not about genuine interest in my life/day otherwise or wanting to hang out" like, this shit is exhausting lmao. and you know, of course i know Different Communication Styles and how people will read different implications and intentions into the same kinds of interactions or behaviors or whatever, it's just Funny(tm) when like. some nt ppl think their social/communication styles are what's Objective, Universal, Correct, Intuitive, Effective, etc. like they'll be like "it's Great to say what you mean instead of Playing Games" and think autistic people are blunt / rude & it's b/c they're communicating Wrong, like actually you guys are saying you love ppl who are Real & Honest while being that post like "i love drama i love games if you fuck with my friends i will help you do it" lmaooo

also yknow to an Extent i think that like. sometimes just being very independently Enthusiastic about something can seem fun to nt people lol like, yes i can monologue about something aloud for 5 or 10 or 80 minutes maybe, or just you know, talk about it to myself via Posting lmfao, and sometimes that appeals to people or they at least regard it Neutrally because it's like. supposing that sometimes even when it's not something someone else is also interested in, idk, people are down for a like, individual experiences of unfettered expression of that passion lmao, but like, ftr i would hate instances of this as like a "because being enthusiastic like that is," deep inhale, "cute" or whatever, like, if i'm gonna talk about something it's a Lecture okay lmao. and plus i do plenty of it via Text lmfao, so, not many times i get to in person talk about whatever, or it'll be like, look at this video of a cool bird. i do not need someone's like, Personal Affection to find it Cute or Wholesome that i'm passionate about birds, or, god knows, fine anything else Cute, an assessment i never need or want, engage w/the information being shared please lmao. and then also, you know, i Draw Things based on it being v Of Interest lol so that's like, thank you to myself for having these Thoughts i want to express about Things Of Interest, i get to have fun like, just focusing in on what Creative Project i wanna do about it lol even if it's also like, boy, what if i could just have the idea and it'd Manifest, and you know, drawing is a way i am Talking About Something, certainly also if i'm dropping a tags essay about it lmao.........love to just delve tf into things and have all these thoughts & things to say about it, and really like, Exceptional when anyone wants to engage with this like, repeatedly / regularly lol. shoutout, Thanks, Epic

and well you know. i don't have any incredible specifics coming to mind here but in whatever ways i might think of things Differently it's like, hell yeah then, epic of me, i will be out here Figuring Shit Out even if i have to marinate on things, i'm sure motivated to engage with stuff that's Of Interest to me, when i have these solid ways to communicate with other people it's fun and flexible lmao, and i think there's that fun of being like, Performative in a way, theatricality, which i think like, maybe a source of that can be when you Have to be aware of the "rules" of interactions / social performance, but also how yknow, you can Act any way, there's nothing universal, there's maybe plenty of bullshit involved, hence how you can Have to be at least somewhat aware of things because you have to try to figure out the Secret rules and patterns and you know, simply Being Yourself and Behaving Naturally at all times isn't an option.....def have the Theatre type Theatrical thing lmao, the "theatre gay ft religious parents, enjoying harmonizing in the church choir lol i'm a Tenor babey" experience lmao, being in 4th grade auditioning for this set of play scenes like oh i get to be the main Antagonist guy? also i'm playing a guy? also i'm in this play and have lines and stuff? Hell yes lmao. and the Stage Performance via eventual roles via dance classes, i remembered the other week the studio i used to be at Used to have this like, idk, thing where the older dancers in a certain group maybe used to have a trip to nyc, think that fell away not long before i was one of those more Skilled Dancers like damnit, never really went to nyc except driving in and out to pick people up from the airport, like hey that distant smudge out the car window is probably the statue of liberty or something.....but the rehearsing and playing a Part and being in shows was. a ton of fun. i Said No to Stage Fright lmfao and really enjoyed being backstage and rehearsals and etc. but also i think i just Can be theatrical you know, in my own social approach lmfao, i'm big on talking with my hands lmao and i can get like, some Social Momentum going that way, i can have some confidence and can sort of hit that groove and it's like, not exactly masking trying to act """"normal"""" but i'm still Being Myself in this more "acceptable" way that nt people might better Understand or whatever. i also just like, personally, i love to be kind of theatrically Funny for sure lmfao and like, if people are just like overwhelmed by the least amount of goofiness / can't or won't play along at all i'm like, Please, work with me here lol, also like damn you live like this??? cmon lol

and well, nonconclusion, but it's pretty difficult to think of things like, what do i Dislike about being autistic which isn't about the way allistic ppl treat you sucks, like, e.g., it'll be like damn augh oof Misophonia, aural texture hell, hardly fun but that's not always a disaster, and as long as i can like, do something to block it out, and if i have to be like "hm this is distressing me b/c this noise is really really pissing me off lmao" as long as you know, i'm not amongst people who are just going to be annoyed at me for making up some problem and/or daring to speak about this experience inconveniently. be normal maybe. idk i'm just like right on, Myself