#living in that kind of world is one of the only things that kinn is terrified of

[marcusluvshelly]

What are these tags even... I'm crying

KinnPorsche Week 2022

Day 3: Favorite couple - KINN X PORSCHE

[fangirlwithoutafandom]

“He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”

This is the Vegas that Pete is in love with.

We talk a lot about Masks in this fandom. About Pete and the masks he wears that Vegas sees past. Here is Vegas sans mask. At his most honest. A version that only Pete gets to see.

You learn a lot from abuse. Your learn to hate yourself. You learn to trust no one, especially not yourself. Because they keep hurting you but you always come back for more hoping this time they will love you .Hoping this time you will be enough. So your heart is a traitorous thing, not to be trusted.

Both Vegas and Pete live in a world that is comprised mostly of violence and is devoid of any real feelings of connection. Vegas thinks Pete must be some sort of alien to have survived it all with a conscience and a kind heart.

But Pete isn't special. He isn't whole and he isn't always honest but he escaped from his father. Not only physically (by i hope murdering him) but also mentally. Hating himself was just a chain that kept him tied to his father's approval. He's long since slipped the chains his father kept him on, he doesn't wait to be enough anymore. He doesn't think he ever will be. But he managed to keep a piece of himself safe. He keeps it safe from everyone, so they won't abuse it.

Vegas could do that too. If he was free to see it. If he could understand that he is not broken. He is just in chains. Vegas, still desperate to be good enough ,sees his heart as a traitor for being weak and broken. So he uses his hate as a weapon whereas Pete uses his Kindness as a shield.

Pete realizes that the Vegas he's known is not real. The one Kinn hates, the one he pretends to be. He gets to see the real him and he sees Pete in turn. He understands what it's like to make yourself look big and strong so people won't hurt you.

The difference is that Vegas avoids his pain by hurting others while Pete avoids his by getting hurt for others.

They are so different. And yet they are the same.

[snickerdoodlles]

No wonder this show became a hit. They really asked "you know what's better than one guy forced to give up something that it would break him to lose?" and gave us a whole bunch in different color shirts and said "Enjoy! :D"

(x, x)

right!!!! one of my favorite things about kinnporsche is how the show's like "here's some sexy mafia guys" except it's a TRICK, all the boys are at their sexy best when they're loving and domestic and caring for each other and get traumatized any time they actually act mafia. this show has its messy moments and goodness knows how their world works sometimes, but the writers had the most correct priorities when it comes to the emotional beats of the story.

Khun: the emotional journey of a deeply traumatized guy where we only see him in the aftermath, desperately clawing his way back to some sense of normality. how absolutely tender ep3 was with Porsche taking him to a new space, gently holding Khun's hand and asking him to stay with him and trust that he'll keep him safe, and he does, and we see Khun grow into a fiercer protector who can chase after the people he cares about past his walls and defend his home when its security is compromised.

Kinn: he wasn't a cold mafia boss softened by love, he was always a bleeding heart who's kindness was mercilessly beaten out of him. he falls in love so fast and so hard and it's so good watching his past traumas rear their ugly heads but him letting go of his old ghosts and clawing his way past them anyways, because he so desperately wants love and wants to love. and like? what a baller move that is for his character? he's a mafia boss, and a merciless one at that, but he also wants to be soft and cute and a good brother and boyfriend and all his people safe while living in and facilitating his violent and blood soaked world. the wonderful contradiction you are Kinn <333

Kim: the boy who tries to sacrifice everything for his and their greater happiness except it just makes him all the more miserable because this show really said there is no glory in what you give up or destroy, only what you shelter and protect. he's a self-saboteur but you can't help but root for him all the more because of it. he's just so scared to care, of that being used to trap him or anyone else, yet he's falling face first into his own schemes because he loves so much and so deep.

and just. Porsche, carving himself to pieces trying not to lose anything. Chay, who will twist himself into knots trying to hold everything he sacrificed for. Vegas, who tries to drive everything away before it can abandon him and shattering when it goes. Pete, who repressed and ignored all his wants and discontent until it shattered him.

i just. i love these boys. i'm obsessed with these boys. kp had a lot of balls to juggle and a bananas premise to do it in, but they nailed all the big emotions so good, i'm still mashing potatoes over them two years later.

[iveneverdoneanythingwrong]

Porsche would make a great Head of the Minor Family

So I was starting my 579042th KinnPorsche rewatch and had gotten to one specific scene in Episode 1 when it hit me: Porsche is really the only character in the show suitable to run the Minor Family (Vegas fans, don't @ me, I will explain).

Let's take stock of the lay of the land and the major players:

(Warning: image and gif heavy)

The Major Family

The Major Family can mostly be summed up in one word: Corporate. The survival and profitability of The Family is the overarching goal of this organization and as such, each person not literally in the Family cannot really be irreplaceable and no one can afford to think they are. Individuality is not encouraged in service to the Major Family. All the bodyguards wear the same western style uniform (though most will have a small spin on it). They live in a cult-like atmosphere (another meta entirely) and are always at work even when not on duty. Their ability to interact with the outside world is controlled by the family, their hobbies, their food, their associations, their ability to express themselves, their very being is controlled by the family; absolutely no distractions. They are in an hierarchy so rigidly enforced that Chan only has to raise his voice to regain control when things get a tiny bit rowdy with the introduction of Porsche.

The Minor Family

The Minor Family is basically a gang. They're not regimented. They wear their own clothes. They have women in skin tight dresses hanging around. They have open access to the outside world. They drink alcohol while in the compound, they slouch and relax and play games. They might be able to work well together, but in no way could they accomplish any kind of long term plan or cooperate with the Major Family (who give them legal cover) without a strong hand.

Which is provided by Gun, who presents himself as one of them - the clothes, the dinning table in the court yard, the shared meals, the relaxed atmosphere when not actually on duty. But though he plays at some kind of equality, his people know that he views them as expendable. They live in a cognitive dissonance where their everyday experiences say they are Family and appreciated, but know that this is only a façade. We only see it once, but even just approaching Gun with the very welcome news of his hated brother's death is immediately met with the smiling physical abuse that he hands out at even imaginary signs of disrespect.

The Heirs

Gun has taught this form of management to Vegas, who plays up to Porsche about caring for his bodyguards and then forcibly uses them as literal meat shields during the coup. We see absolutely no relationships between Vegas and his guards at all. Vegas would have to unlearn all he's been taught by his father, completely remap his relationship with his employees, and work together closely and amicably with the Major Family, who he has be taught his entire life to see as the enemy. All of these things would take years in therapy to accomplish.

Contrasted with Kinn who perpetuates the cult due to his father's manipulations but breaks it regularly once Porsche's arrival reminds him of his own personality and management style. Not only does he know that Pete has a grandmother, he even has her number in his phone. He goes to Pete for advice for how to talk to Porsche, and doesn't seem uncomfortable at the idea that he would need help from an employee. He indulges Arm bugging his suit on Porsche's behest. He protects his own bodyguards in the coup. (Is Kinn an idiot? Quite probably, yes.)

Porsche

Porsche from a young age was basically forced to be head of his own family. Sure, he had an "uncle" there, but he did basically nothing. Porsche has been responsible not only for the goals of the family but also for the means of attaining those goals.

He wasn't regimented, like Korn, and he also wasn't abusive, like Gun. In fact, he was very lax in his family, with only one overarching boundary that we can confirm: loyalty. It doesn't seem matter how much you fuck up, so long as you remain loyal to him and his. You don't have to actually contribute much of anything to earn his affection, his protection, or a place at his table. You just have to not fuck him over.

And that's why Porsche would make a fantastic Minor Family head. Thee himself admits he wasn't any use to Porsche growing up. He "invested" all the money in "crypto", which Porsche sees as just a mistake. It put the family at risk, it made it much harder for Porsche to achieve his goals, but it wasn't done maliciously so Porsche is content to let it go and still let Thee try to be useful in other ways.

Until Porsche discovers that Thee has been lying to them. Thee has betrayed Porsche and Chay. He has not had their best interest in mind and just been making mistakes. He's been actively, knowingly, making things worse. And the scene that showed it all was this one, where Porsche goes from this:

to this:

Even as a civilian, Porsche demonstrates the mindset necessary to run a Family, and not just any Family but specifically the Minor Family. Unlike Gun, Porsche is easy going. He is relaxed. He will also absolutely cut his uncle off with nothing at the first betrayal.

He's is absolutely the type to eat with his employees as close to equal as social positions allow and actually mean it. The gaslighting atmosphere of the Minor Family under Gun would be truth under Porsche. He would treat them as Family so long as they maintained their loyalty. Within weeks of being introduced, Porsche managed to turn at least some Main Family bodyguards (the closest and most trusted!) into his assets. Pete volunteered for a very dangerous assignment to protect Porsche.

Arm assisted Porsche not only in spying on his boss, but also in coming up with codes and protocol for Porsche's benefit in case Kinn does something Porsche doesn't want. Pol and Arm eavesdrop on a meeting not only with Kinn but with Korn and relay the contents of that meeting to other bodyguards we haven't met because they were so invested in Porsche's love story.

Since Porsche has been kidnapped into the mafia, he been trained and had his moral boundaries violated expanded in relation to violence. He already had the ability to bring out loyalty in people just by being himself and now he has an innate understanding of the fine line between I'm Not Mad, Just Disappointed and violence as boundary-setting, which I think would make for even more cultish fanaticism from his men than Korn's studied manipulations.

Thankfully he has a loyalty to Kinn that could never happen with Vegas, making them an absolute power couple of the Thai underworld.

[turtlesocksv2]

Let's talk Fate

ok for #kpanniversary2024 the first prompt is Fate and boy howdy is that a good one to start a rewatch with. Because from the very beginning, as soon as Kinn and Porsche crossed paths there was only one way it was going to play out. In fact, even before that, Porsche's fate was sealed as soon as he was born and here's why:

Porsche was always going to end up in the Theerapanyakul family one way or another. Nampheung was basically kidnapdopted when she was child by Grandpa T, was raised by him, grew up with Korn and Gun who both end up in love with her (or at least psychosexually obsessed with her). And when she was old enough she got out of there. She married a man and had (what we assume to be) an ordinary life for at least 8 years. But here's the thing: Nampheung never actually got out.

Nampheung was allowed her little housewife cottagecore daydream by Grandpa T. I call it that kind of dismissively, we don't know anything about her life, actually, maybe she had a highpower job, etc etc. but the point is that as soon as Grandpa T decides to call her back home, back to the Theerapanyakul Mafia, she is powerless to stop it. In the flashbacks we see of the moment Porsche's dad died, The things that really sticks out to me are these 3:

1: Gun and Korn both came to visit and in at least one version, they are there at the behest of Grandpa T who wants to see Nampheung.

2: Pat says that they will never go back to that house and that the family is rotten. (which implies that Pat also has a connection to the family, I am a 'Pat was Nampheung's bodyguard and they ran away together' truther and this leads into the last point and perhaps the most significant

3) Porsche was hiding in the cabinets when Korn and Gun are there. Now, I don't know about how your family operates but i'm pretty confident that isn't exactly normal behavior when your family has guests. Like, little kids are usually pretty excited to have company, especially people who grow up to be as extroverted and gregarious as Porsche is. Korn and Gun are obviously unaware in the moment that Porsche is hiding. Pat probably knows because I'm convinced that this is a safety drill they'd run many times. Nampheung and Pat knew that someday, Grandpa T's generosity would run out, or he'd die, and the Theerapanyakuls would come calling again. They were trying so hard to keep Porsche out of that life, but it was never going to happen. If they'd lived, Korn and Gun would show up to darken their doorstep at some point. And since they died...well, how did that turn out, hmmm?

Porsche (and Chay but lmao Korn and Gun don't give a single fuck about Chay so we'll just ignore the baby for now ) ends up in the guardianship of an unreliable gambler under the thumb of loansharks. Porsche ends up in illegal street fights to make money. He is being pushed in the Theerapanyakul's direction. Make no mistake, at some point the loan on his house was going to end up in Theerapanyakul hands, or Chan was going to come up to Porsche after a fight, and that would be that. There is no world in which Korn lost track of his beloved Nampheung's sons, not when he's so obsessed with her he has her locked up in his attic. Gun, at least, has the excuse of thinking Porsche and Chay are dead along with their parents. Korn was just playing the long game.

Is it fair to call it fate when it's being orchestrated by someone? Well, I guess that depends how far back you think the hereditary curse goes.

It was never about Kinn and Porsche at all. Nampheung knew it was always going to end here. She tried to stop it. It didn't work. She was never going to get out. Her sons were never going to get out. And now they're more enmeshed than if she'd never tried at all. Sounds like fate to me.

[yujeong]

So, there's this fic I want to write for months now about the first time Pete says "I love you" to Vegas and it made me want to make a post about it as well. I truly believe saying that phrase is a huge deal to Pete and I want to explain why.

Starting with the fact that I loved, loved, LOVED that in the show, he never said it. Not directly, anyway. He didn't shoot Vegas when he had the chance, he shot Vegas when it was necessary to save him, he told him he was right there, he told him he was hungry, he told him he's following his heart. All of those things are different ways of saying "I love you" but it's not the phrase itself. And that's important because it truly showcases the core aspects of Pete's character.

Pete isn't like Vegas. Both of them are very emotional but the way they express their emotions is almost the complete opposite. Vegas is letting them get out of control, spilling out of him, while Pete is keeping them deeply locked up inside him until they eventually explode and he can't contain them anymore. Both of them at first are unwilling to recognise how they feel about the other, the changes that are happening inside of them but Vegas comes to the realization quicker than Pete and tells him so. All of this is why Vegas saying the phrase out loud in contrast to Pete never saying it makes perfect sense in the narrative.

I truly believe that Pete has this feeling in his chest which he isn't even sure what it's called or even if it's what most people would call it but it's so strong for Vegas that he knows he can't live without it so he decided to chase after it. There's this incredible fic by LuckyDiceKirby called "even the clearest water" that has an exchange between Vegas and Pete, in which Vegas asks him if Pete loves him and Pete replies with this:

"I don’t know. How could I know what that feels like? I’m not that kind of person. You make my teeth ache. You make the world bright, like it’s real. It hurts. It’s hurt since I met you, but that means I can never forget I’m alive."

I cannot tell you what I even felt when I read that. It was a mix of pure awe and enlightenment, because it was what I had been thinking after watching the show but was unable to put into words.

Now, as I was writing this post, a thought popped into my head related to this and I want to express it. I think the fandom unanimously agrees that Vegas has the capacity for kindness and softness due to Macau, the wonderful, perfect, sweet little gremlin angel of my heart. Macau is the reason Vegas even knows what love is, otherwise starved for it because no one else in his life gives it to him in any way, share or form until Pete comes along.

This got me thinking: who does Pete have in his life to show him what love and affection is?

At first glance, Pete's environment seems fine and way better than Vegas'. He has people that care about him, he has friends, he has a nice room, his grandma sends him meals that he's allowed to eat in his room. Is this actually true though? Is the main family as kind and sweet and full of affection as it seems?

Well...no, it's not. All of this is superficial. Pete got forgotten the moment Kinn had Porsche in his arms (and bed). No one remembered him except Tankhun, who we could argue also loves Pete superficially and doesn't really view him as a person (I love Tankhun and I say that affectionately. I think post canon he has the potential to change his way of thinking and behaviour towards his bodyguards).

But what about Pete's grandma?, I hear people say. Well, she is the only person Pete says "I love you" to but is this enough to claim that he knows what love is? When he doesn't live with her, doesn't have the ability to physically touch her for comfort whenever he needs to, can't talk to her freely without surveillance? He only gets a glimpse of it and if we also include the fact that he works for the main family for years, he's been deprived of love almost all of his life. No wonder the poor man is confused and doesn't realise what he's feeling for Vegas. He wasn't even a person until the safehouse.

The environments Vegas and Pete grew up in shaped them into who they became and it's evident if you think about it in the way I described above: Vegas' environment is cruel and unforgiving with a speck of actual love in the form of his brother and Pete's is presumably kind but devoid of substance. I'm oversimplifying this of course but I think the core aspects of how he lives in the main family play an important role in Pete's character.

All in all, Pete is a brilliantly written character and I want to thank the writing team and Build for giving him to me. I truly hope that when I manage to write this fic, I'll do his character justice.

[daeyeol4you]

The Chay Rewatch

As part of my KP Rewatch, I’m going to be commenting on each episode and analyzing the different Chay scenes. He’s my favorite character, and I thought I’d put down my thoughts (as well as timestamps for his scenes) as a fun way to express that.

Ep 1 & 2 Chay Rewatch

Episode 3 - Enter Kim Stage Right

Time: 1:46 – 1:54 & 2:04-2:07 – Previously on, my greatest enemy and only ally

At least they used different clips this time

Where is my baby boi? Where is Chay? When will he return?

Ep 3 dives deeper into how screwed up all three of the major family boys are

Kinn can’t commit and is slowly falling for who Porsche is

Tankhun is hilarious, and his outfits are always a treasure trove of weird fashion. His trauma is so present even when he’s having fun. Tong plays him so well.

And then there’s Kim.

Time: 31:38 – 33:51 – Mysterious Balcony Man

The introduction to Kim is done is pieces, slowly feeding the audience. The storytelling carries on the amazing writing from episode 1. It’s a great way of showing that Kim may not be living in the compound or running things, but he’s one to watch out for (and maybe even fear). First, we hear Pete’s description of him back in ep 2 (that essentially states he’s dangerous and aloof while also setting up that his storyline isn’t going to connect to the family compound much) and then we hear his voice just before Big bows to someone offscreen. The build up tells the viewers that this new person, the one that we’ve been waiting for almost 3 episodes for, is powerful and to be feared. The colors of this scene are also noticeably darker as compared to the warmer tones used in the main family compound or the bright pink from Yok’s bar.

I adore the first shot we get of Kim. Standing with his back to the camera, he retains his air of mystery, but the metal fixtures on the glass doors make me think of a birdcage. He’s out of the compound, hell he’s even in the open air, but this shot shows that he’s just as trapped in the mafia world as his brothers despite the space he’s tried to create between himself and his family. He’s the songbird trapped in Korn’s game.

“Are you in the wrong place?” – Kim is so bitchy I love him. This is Kimhan Theerapanyakul, the third son. Before we even see his face, we get to know his arrogant and aloof side. Except do we? Kim immediately asks who is protecting his brother, and he knows enough about Kinn’s guards to know that Ken is the likely successor with Big injured. Kim’s emotions are always just under the surface. The only problem is no one digs deeper until we get to Porchay. Everyone is scared of Kim or just accepts the mask he shows them.

Kimlock Holmes makes his introduction. A new bodyguard with a suspicious background? Who’s been put on the security detail of both of his brothers? Big you might as well have wrapped this mystery with a bow. In all seriousness, Kim is protective of the few people he allows into his heart (though he will never ever tell them that), and this news would have put his brain on red alert because Kim will not tolerate any harm to his loved ones.

“Do you want one heartbroken song, huh?” – What a little bitch, again I love him. Kim sandwiches his concern for his brothers with two backhanded comments attacking Big. Kim (I’m going to let you all in on a secret) is very bad at hiding. His concern, his conspiracy board, his feelings for Chay, etc. This man is so lucky that everyone is a little scared of him and knows to keep away, or he’d be found out in an instant. (Also, only one Kim? After Chay blocks you, you’ll be writing a million. Love the foreshadowing to Kim’s inevitable heartbreak though. This show does do great set up for some of the storylines)

And then the scene ends without ever showing the viewer Kim’s face further drawing out the viewer’s introduction to Kim. Its honestly great set up for this character, and while he’s not the only one receiving this kind of drawn out treatment (hello Vegas in ep 2 with the hot assassin lady) his is done successfully. I remember first watching this show with no background at all wondering who the hell this guy is (I did have to rewatch the scenes to match the voices before I could connect mysterious balcony guy to WiK but that’s neither here nor there)

Kim’s outfit: Either costuming or Jeff really love themselves an oversized suit jacket. It makes Jeff look bigger than he actually is which works for the introduction of his character. Its also very different from his other outfits through the series. He’s dressed closer to the major family look with his suit jacket and darker color scheme. He still retains his idol status though making this one of the few looks that blend his two personas. I have a few theories about how Kim uses his different jackets as a shield to hide his real self, given the only times we see Kim not wearing his jackets is when he’s in his feelings about Chay (ie the warehouse scene, the fight in Yok’s bar, him recording the song, him crying over Chay’s polaroids), I’d say I’m close to being right

Still no Chay, but I will accept meeting his love interest during this Chay drought

Overall Chay Rating (Chrating): I’ll give this episode a D

There’s still no Chay, but we get a really great introduction to Kim which sets up Chay’s entire storyline. Thus, a slightly better grade. Episode 3 in general is better than episode 2 to me. Its not jamming a ton of character intros and wacky worldbuilding into the episode the same way Ep 2 does. We get a real introduction to Tankhun and Kim as well as the first sparks of KinnPorsche. I could have done without 2 party scenes in one ep (mainly because to me it makes them feel rushed), and it makes me as a viewer wonder when we’re going to get any real mafia action in the mafia romance story. But overall, I have one question... WHERE IS MY BABY BOI?!

[awiderangeofgreen]

A/B/O thoughts and then make it about KP

One Thing I noticed about writing/reading A/B/O fanfics is how often scents are described with lots of details but in everyday life it's so hard to recognize every components of perfumes if you didn't learn how to do it. So now I just think of "baby" Alphas and Omegas at school learning about scents. Maybe it's an official thing or just group of friends trying to smell each other and recognize what is in it and what every little change could mean. Either way it would be great bonding and learning moments (for most of them, so many angst possibilities with this.)

Being able to smell all of this always would be overwhelming so I think it would be more something like "scents are here but you don't notice them as you grow up and get use to it. The exception being if they are suddenly more potent or if you focus on it"

[Exemple of this: people always telling me it smells good when they enter the shop but I'm so used to the smell of flowers that I don't notice it anymore except when we've got bloomed lilies or if I've had a few days off or if I decide to smell the roses. End of personal exemple]

And here comes another KinnPorsche related idea.

If it's at first a school centric knowledge, what about Porsche who missed so many classes and didn't have the time either to be around lots of people (except his friends)? Maybe then he only learned to recognize specific scents. Chay's being the most familiar one and then the scents of his friends. Those, he learned how to read and he can describe them but it's more something like what happens when you're always around some people and knows when their mood shift. Scents is by far the last thing Porsche would use to read a room.

And if the scent shift means specific emotions Porsche didn't necessarily learned how to recognize it, how to read it so he became (in the eyes of the others) somewhat this "don't care about your feelings" kind of person while he cares a lot but just don't know how to read signals. He's just living in a world with different codes and no matter how hard he tries to adapt, he has no one to help him. Of course Chay does try but there are not so much he can do about it.

Enters Kinn.

Kinn who grew up with lots of people around (even if it's mostly staff/bodyguards, it counts) and had to be perfect in reading people. He knows how to control his scent and rely on it to convey what he wants, how he is feeling or more like "what he wanta the other to think he is feeling" , and so on. And around him, everyone knows this and knows how to act according to it.

Kinn and Porsche worlds crash into one another. So many tension and miscommunication at first. Kinn is fascinated by Porsche.

[I might add things to this idea, I have lots of KimChay thoughts about this too but this post is already far longer than I expected]

[bleakyblues]

oh my god I swear my breath stopped when I got the new chapter notification. I loooooooved this chapter, like the way I can't stop thinking about kinn and porsche as persephone and hades? shaking screaming and crying <3

just everything about this chapter completely hit me, the reality of kinn loving porsche, how he'd rather be hated then put porsche at risk, how despite all this he can't keep himself away. God I love tragedy, can't wait to see what happens next (seriously my heart speeds up every time I think about this fic)

yes, Yes YESS! you don't know how excited this ask about the Persephone and Hades myth makes me. (mythology nerd here)

I am particularly obsessed with this myth for KP because on the surface it's a tale of cruelty right? Hades/Kinn (both of whom are lords of the 'underworld' wink, wink) drags poor, unwilling and bright like sunshine Persephone/Porsche down to the underworld and away from Demeter/family. Then when there's a chance to leave, he traps her/him with the fruit/ring. It is a tragedy in its purest form.

But then, when you read deeper into the myth you realise a few key points that are usually left out for a more palatable narrative -

1. Hades had three brothers (like Kinn) and like Kinn, he was the unwilling ruler of the underworld because he quite literally drew the shorter straw (perhaps the first one in mythological history even). He also genuinely loved Persephone - he never cheated and in some versions, gave her an out and an ability to leave by offering her only one seed instead of the whole fruit.

2. That you couldn't leave the underworld if you had underworld food was a very ancient law that predated even the Olympians so it is a bit weird that Persephone didn't know exactly what she was doing when she had that fruit, especially given that her mother was the fricken goddess of fruits. This is also a perfect analogy for Porsche, who, when he returned to Kinn for the last time and took the ring, knew exactly what he was getting into with the ring (i have a whole meta about it, you can read that one for more on the topic).

3. Persephone was actually called 'dread Persephone' by Hesiod in his Theogony and she was supposed to have been Hades' 'Queen' (laughs in chess) and his equal. She was Hades' most trusted advisor, the protector of his realm, the one who decided the cruelest punishments and had enough control on the ghosts to send them to the living world. That is practically the definition of what Porsche becomes by the end of the show because what else role he'd have as the head of the minor family who's duty is literally to do the dirty work of the major one.

3. Persephone's only known possible affair was with Adonis (Vegas anybody?) but that is also disputed because some claim she loved him like a mother, having raised him since he was a child, and not like a lover. So it was a rumour rather than the actual truth - just like Porsche and Vegas would seem to be to any unsuspecting bystander who wasn't aware of the whole situation.

4. Persephone was known to be a very, very jealous person (just like Porsche) and really, really petty because there was a nymph named Minthe who tried to seduce Hades so Persephone turned her into a mint plant just so she could stomp on it. Seems like the kind of a thing Porsche would do in fact.

There are other similarities out there but this is all I can remember off the top of my head right now. (Also, don't tell anyone but I might have a Hades-Persephone kp fic in the works ;)

[movementsofmylife]

kinnporsche ep 6

the symbolism (and foreshadowing?) of this episode is great.

i did appreciate cute bickering enemies to lovers etc., despite the fact that they were clearly in their own little show outside of everyone else leading mafia kp lives. which is the entire point, how different they are outside of the constraints of their environment.

yet even in this one kinn forcibly (and deceitfully) ties porsche and himself together and has more power in the relationship as the only one who can free them.

and in the end this forcible conjoining was what dragged them down. what stuck them in a literal hole.

(if this shit doesn't play out in real time in the rest of the show like what would even be the point??)

and it was only after kinn let porsche go that he was chosen by him freely. that he was able to save him.

and in the end they're forced together again because of the violence of kinn's life, and pushed back into their roles and their bad habits.

the show itself tells us that the best, safest, kindest thing for porsche would be to not end up back in kinn's life. and then to shrug it's shoulders and say, "here's some evil henchmen to shoot you back into your places bc plot lol".

and i think that when porsche finally chooses to be in the mafia, that's when he's both going to be finished his character arc of 'corruption of the innocent', and also when his relationship with kinn will be more on an even keel, when it'll finally actually feel like a choice.

the only thing that really matters in the mafia side of this show is power and its execution through violence. and it's only when porsche is able to wield some of that, and its consequent moral ruin, that porsche will have more agency in that world and in his relationship.

which feels fucked up, but this show is kind of fucked up lol.

[becauseimanicequeen]

Interiors/Set Design

I’m a sucker for interior design in cinematography (and in real life, too, btw), especially the detailed kind that acts as a whole character in itself in the QLs I watch. So I thought I would write a post about the general things I notice (or look for) in the series I watch as well as some of my (amateurish) knowledge of interiors.

The things I’m usually drawn to (both in set design in QLs and in real-life interiors) are:

Colors

Lights

Shapes

Textures

Let’s dive into these, one by one.

COLORS:

Colors are one of my favorite things. Whether a space is entirely in neutrals or all the colors of the rainbow doesn’t matter, as long as it’s harmonious and has a good flow/transition.

What’s most important to me (especially in cinematography) is that a space:

Reflects the person within the space

Reflects the dynamics of different characters (enemies, friends, family, lovers, etc.)

Reflects the mood of the story

If done well in cinematography, the use of colors can give the viewer a deeper understanding of the characters, their relationships, and the mood of the story without explicitly telling (or showing) us everything through words (and actions).

If we look at KinnPorsche, for example, there’s a different side of Kinn we see when he’s having meetings with his dad and/or the mafia and when he’s at home with Porsche.

Colors help us read between the lines, so to speak. That’s the power color holds (apart from making the world a better place).

I’ve previously written about color symbolism and meanings, if you want to know a bit more about that.

LIGHTS:

Light is the magical ingredient in any interior. My eyes are almost always drawn to light sources in the series I watch (unless there’s a gorgeous face competing for my attention. I’m only human, after all…).

And anyone who has followed me for more than a second knows about my obsession with neon lights.

Lighting is really important to an interior. It can add subtlety or drama to a space (clearly, I like the drama due to my obsession with neon lights). It can also have a direct effect on your mood (especially if you live in a country where it’s dark for 6 months of the year (I’m writing from experience here)).

I won’t go into all the different lighting fixtures, tones (warm vs cool), and what kind of moods they create (crisp, gentle, ambient, etc.), because that won’t be the focus of (most of) the posts I write.

I only see neon lights (yes, I’m a biased bitch when it comes to neon lights), so my focus will mostly be on those and their colors (again, if you want to know more about the meanings of colors, you can check out my brief post on color symbolism and meanings).

I mean, look at these gorgeous neon lights in KinnPorsche! Look at that pink wave behind Chay that could represent his love for Kim (and it even looks like the heartbeat you can see on those monitors at the hospital), or perhaps the pink represents Chay’s childish behavior for acting out after getting hurt (which is totally relatable and apt for a teenager, btw).

And then there’s the blue and purple neon lights in this Vegas and Pete scene in KinnPorsche. The blue symbolizes sadness (Vegas’ sadness for losing his hedgehog and being a constant disappointment to his dad) while the purple could symbolize the mystery of their feeling toward each other and the wariness of the situation (especially in Pete's case after he chose to stay even though he had the chance to escape).

Have I mentioned that I love neon lights?

Anyway, moving on…

TEXTURE:

I also love texture. I love it even more when different textures are mixed and balanced. Texture holds more power than many realize since it can make something as plain as a neutral color scheme look anything but boring and lifeless.

Texture can be as simple as the actual feel of the surface of something (like the polished surface of marble, the roughness of velour, the softness of fine-woven cotton, etc.). It can also be the look of the surface (or finish) of things (e.g. glossy vs matte, embellished vs unembellished, etc.).

Texture can also appear in the combination of different materials (e.g. wood, tile, and metal, or marble, leather, and wool, etc.).

It can be used in everything from flooring to furniture to decorative displays.

When done well, texture can say a lot about a character.

An example is the decoration in the ceiling of Vegas’ red room. It looks like chains that are hanging from those circles as well as the chains hanging beside him. Chains also appear in the room where he keeps Pete hostage.

I think this says a lot about Vegas feeling chained down in his own life (due to his asshole of a dad and being part of the minor family) as well as saying something about the more possessive and dominant part of him. (And the cage, don't forget the cage that's visible in the image to the right.)

We can also talk about the symbolism of the metal of those chains and the cage, but I'll leave that for another time.

SHAPES:

I also love shapes, which are usually divided into two categories:

Geometric (or graphic): Straight lines and circles

Organic: Natural forms and curves

Geometric forms are typically more strict and formal.

Look at, for example, these interiors of the sets in KinnPorsche, often used when there are important meetings and discussions between all these mafia men. 

Organic forms typically bring a more comforting softness to a space.

Look at, for example, this Vegas and Pete scene again where the lights stream in from those oval shapes (a shape that’s associated with, among other things, rebirth, btw, which is interesting considering how these two characters change during the time they spend in that room and come out of it very different).

These are just a few aspects of interiors and set design, but they are my favorites and the ones I usually focus on.

There is so much you can dive into and analyze when the set design has been done well. And I, for one, love that.

[shubaka]

@subtextsays​ ahasdjflwkkaw :’)

it’s one of the live performances and at the very end of the song he looks straight at the camera and says, “this is for Porchay” but the technicians were able to cut off his mic as soon as they realized what was happening so the only thing anyone can hear is “this is for Porch--” everyone online is like “WHO IS PORSCHE???”

when Kinn and Porsche are sober enough they discover the world thinks Kim is dating Porsche (the video of Kim and Chay kissing is kind of dark and if you squint it could look like Porsche -- if you weren’t familiar with the two brothers). Chay thinks this is hilarious (but he’s also kind of annoyed because he wanted to get some more kisses out of this). Porsche doesn’t know what the fuck is happening but he wants this all to stop. Kinn also wants this all to stop because Porsche is his???? he’s suddenly a lot more interested in getting Kim out of this situation so he can show the world that Porsche actually belongs to him, thanks. and Kim? Kim is going to murder someone on live television. he really, really is. how the fuck did he go from possibly fake-dating Chay to apparently fake-dating Porsche?!?!

meanwhile, Tankhun is suddenly having second thoughts about saving Kim because this is even better than all the dramas he’s watched lately...

@shubaka Oh no I'm invested now so might as well give it a whole actual post.

There's an entire episode where Kim decides to meow rather than speak cause it's not breaking contract but surely, surely this will be the stunt that finally gets him booted off. Instead the fans eat it up and he gets shoved into a catsuit with ears on the next episode and the pure murder radiating from his eyes through his entire half-assed dance routine goes freaking viral, FML

and kim of course just does everything Very Badly and starts wearing the most atrocious outfits because he thinks they’ll stop filming him and people will forget about him and he will get dropped from the show due to lack of votes, but instead it endears him even more to people (wtf?) and it starts weird fashion trends (again, wtf?)

and of course because these idol programs always have those filler episodes with like... sporting type events/obstacle courses, kim can’t actually let himself lose those because he has SOME pride. and so he just parkours the shit out of that and decimates all of his targets... so then the other guys in the show develop a crush on him (he’s just really cool okay) and so they keep devising ways to get kim on camera more and woooow kim is really going through it and he would like it to stop thanks.

maybe he should just kill someone at the next live broadcast. surely going to prison for life would be better than all of this.

Ok so they film on a private resort island cause it's the easiest way to wrangle like two dozen unruly guys. But it's a shoestring budget so it's a shitty resort where they have to bunk 4 to a room and there is fuck all to do that isn't stare at the walls or fuck around and create exactly the interpersonal drama the producers are desperate for. Kim nopes out of all that -- there isn't a locked door that can hold him -- which is why there's a collective push to catch him on camera. At one point he's the resident cryptid. He's spotted sunbathing on the roof. Theories about how he managed to get up there compete with rants about how it is so obviously staged and fake.

A contingent of fans decides he's a mole placed by the producers. Tankhun maybe started those rumors.

Contestants are allowed care packages that have been okayed by production staff. Kim never gets to open any cause nothing he's sent is deemed appropriate for tv. (The bodyguards got together and mailed him like 20 cases of cigarettes cause Kim is basically in idol jail and those are always useful as currency, right?)

After weeks of this Kim cannot understand why he is still in hell and decides that he HAS to have news from the outside world. He can't risk stealing a staff member's phone because of the contract, so of course he ends up in the local dive bar in the middle of the night trying to hack the smart tv into sending texts. The bar owner's younger brother startles him in the act.

Chay blurts Wik??? with Kim's fist halted inches from his face.

[lu-sn]

i'm gonna braindump my kimchay manifesto i am apologizing in advance

ok there are so many good fics out there where kim posts his video on the internet and everyone is like *points* you??? *points* PORCHAY??? and then everyone on the planet earth gives him shit for it and he learns to open up about his feelings :') and then chay writes a song back and then kim writes a WHOLE ALBUM and the peanut gallery is living. and then they talk and they get together and they produce even more sappy music because they're in luv. i love this for them.

but in the deepest darkest corners of my heart, i don't want this in s2. what i ACTUALLY want is: secret relationship.

and i want it to become the lynchpin that causes all of korn's plans to crumble.

kim makes this video. he sends it to chay, and that's it. he doesn't post it. he doesn't perform it, ever, because the only person who he wants to sing that song for is chay, and he can't bring himself to perform it publicly if chay isn't by his side. he tells no one about this because he's a sad repressed boi.

and chay also tells no one! because he has never been more isolated in his life. and the video tears at his soul, he thinks about it all the time, and there's a very devastating war going on in his heart. kim said he never cared. but then kim wrote a song based on his song, and it's so beautiful, and kim wants him to stay. is chay weak, for wanting to go back? he shouldn't do it. but it's killing him, so eventually he caves, and he asks kim to talk.

and it's such a heartwrenching conversation, because they're both just two boys who are so alone and they've been in such pain, but they spill their hearts and cry all over each other and then they kiss so softly and it's okay, they're gonna be okay.

then, they decide to tell no one, for now. and part of it is because kim is so fucking paranoid about his father knowing any of his weaknesses, and the sad truth is that in their terrible mafia world, chay is his biggest weakness of them all. and chay isn't opposed to this because he's very used to keeping this relationship secret, first because it involved his idol, and then because it involved kinn's family so directly. and chay kind of wants to take it slow, without any of their big brothers freaking out, because no matter what anyone thinks, this relationship makes the main family so much messier than it already was, and he's already been bitten once before. he wants it to be a sure thing first, before they tell anyone.

guys. the potential. DO YOU SEE IT

korn's whole thing is that he keeps close tabs on the relationship bonds between everyone around him, and then he manipulates them ruthlessly to his own ends. he uses namphueng to control porsche, uses porsche to control kinn, uses kinn to control his entire mafia empire. he keeps kim in line because kim cannot shake his loyalty to his brothers despite his own best efforts, he uses macau's safety to corral vegas, he uses gun's obsession with namphueng to throw him completely off of his game.

but if kim and chay keep their relationship secret, korn is suddenly missing a very important puzzle piece as to kim's motivations.

let's say korn starts trying to pit kim against kinn. (i heard someone say this was being set up in the novels.) but if he tries to do this, he doesn't realize that he's also setting up chay and porsche against each other by proxy. and on this i have zero doubt: chay will not stand for that. kim will side with chay, and porsche, and kinn, well before he tries to fracture anything with kinn.

let's say namphueng is actually functional, and knows things, and starts communicating with chay because it's her only hope of getting herself out of her prison. (if this sounds familiar, it's because i am insane about namphueng and wrote a bunch of words about this.) i bet you anything korn is keeping very close tabs on all of porsche's interactions with namphueng. but why would he do the same for chay? chay has no power, poses no threat to korn. and it's true! i love the boy, but he is not trained in the ways of the mafia, and he has no contacts to help him... EXCEPT KIM, who would definitely drop everything to help him figure out the mystery behind namphueng and maybe even help free her. let's be real, kim would be fucking delighted to do this. down with the patriarchy, in with the matriarchy, and all that.

let's say korn starts blatantly using chay to keep porsche in line. maybe keeping him under tight surveillance, or even as extreme as having him be kidnapped in retaliation for something porsche has done. well, korn is fucked, because kim cares about chay to an unreasonable extent, and he's such a snoop, he could figure it all out and then light all of korn's plans on fire.

and this one is pure self-indulgence on my part, but throw a macau-chay friendship into all of this and now all of a sudden every major player in the game is tied to chay somehow. and they would all die for him.

korn, the master manipulator, against chay, who has no schemes to his name. just love and friendship and kindness.

korn's going down, y'all.

[yeetlegay]

Why Kinn’s voice fucks me up: a silly little analysis

I’ve been obsessing over this for a solid month now but haven’t seen anybody really talk about it in depth so I’m taking it upon myself to write this meta. Dw my brand as Unhinged Shit-Stirrer in the tag remains intact. 🤙🏻

This post is kind of hard to do without audio clips (and I’m way too lazy to do all that lol) but hopefully screenshots will still give you a sense of what I’m talking about.

First things first, let’s talk about Mile’s voice. Especially next to Apo, he comes across as a lot quieter, more reserved, and even when he’s excited his voice tends to be softer, not really high per se but lighter. My guess is he’d be a tenor if he sang, mayyybe a baritone with a more limited lower range.

In real life, interviews, BTS clips, etc, his voice makes him sound gentler, more mature, more approachable, even a little shy. His voice projects kindness and gives you the sense that he’s the sort of person you’d like automatically if you met him.

It would make sense then, in his role as Kinn, if he altered his voice, spoke lower or louder, affected a different timbre and tone, all to add to his appearance as someone dangerous and maybe even violent. It’s an obvious choice to make, given not just Kinn’s personality on the page but also the world he lives in, a world dominated by men and toxic masculinity where he’s already dealing with derision and snide comments for being openly gay. It would be completely reasonable for someone like Kinn to use every tool he can to protect and enhance his image and especially his masculinity, which would include his voice.

But Kinn doesn’t do that. Mile doesn’t do that. His voice stays more or less the same in the series as it does in real life, obviously with a little more dramatic tension involved. Kinn speaks softly, calmly, even when he’s at his angriest. Sure, he can go a bit louder in certain scenes, like when he’s running from those gunmen in ep1 or when that hot assassin is beating the shit out of him with her baton (ma’am I am begging u for literally just one date, pls), but there’s always a softer undertone to his voice despite the occasional need to yell.

So how exactly does the exact same voice manage to convey two totally different personalities and general energies? How does Mile totally embody this character who’s extremely dangerous, possessive, ruthless, and often violent, with that soft, gentle voice?

Because in the context of the story, that voice tells us something about Kinn. It’s intentional on Mile’s part, an interpretation of who Kinn is and how he interacts with the world, and it immediately breaks him out of the mold of this archetype that viewers will want to instinctively place him in.

In the first episode alone, that voice tells us three things.

1) Kinn is comfortable and confident in his skin. Does he have issues? Fuck yes. But he doesn’t give a shit about trying to appear threatening or dangerous. He expects that everyone already knows this. His quiet voice in moments like that first scene with the Italian mob show that he doesn’t need to appear anything. He knows he’s in control, and he’s confident everyone else knows it too. His reputation precedes him, and he doesn’t bother with projecting power through his voice when he already sees the power as his. (Another indication of this is his clothing. His suits could present as a kind of armor, and they do in a way, but he’s just as comfortable, emits the same level of charisma, when he’s in casual clothes or even matching silk pajamas. I won’t talk more about the silk pajamas because the things I want to say would all get god’s lightning bolt on me w a quickness.)

2) He’s a strategic thinker. He’s learned to keep his outward cool in almost every situation, and moderates his voice accordingly. Even when he yells, it’s well-controlled and only to make himself heard, not to show strength or aggression. In fact, his voice tends to pitch higher when he speaks louder, maintaining that softer undertone. It shows that he’s not reactive, that he’s working to manage his emotions and think ahead while he’s talking. All of that is external though; he’s still a freak and certified gay disaster on the inside.

3) He’s not cruel. He may look like it, may even want people to think he is, but his voice gives him away. His scene with Yok in the bar is staged to threaten Porsche, to make him nervous, but the way he speaks to her, even though it’s partly for effect, is still courteous and kind. He wants Porsche to feel the threat of that interaction, but he doesn’t make anyone else feel that threat unnecessarily. Yok may understand more than she lets on about what’s happening, but there’s no sign she’s overly nervous or uncomfortable around Kinn despite that. (As an aside, the low-class mafia comment and the way he says it is hot, but it also ties back to the first point. He has no need to force artificial authority or strength or power into his voice. His confidence and charisma speak for themselves, and he’s so self-assured that the people around him don’t need any reminders of who he is or what he’s capable of.)

There are a few scenes from eps 2 and 3 that stick out in my mind too where Kinn’s voice is especially important to setting the tone for the scene.

The coffee scene:

Kinn adds a bit of bluster to his voice in this scene, inflecting more and speaking just a little louder overall than he usually does in ordinary conversation. His body language and facial movements are also interesting here, along with the blocking, with him seated and looking up at Porsche, but that’s another post lol. Essentially he’s projecting his voice more, which he doesn’t do much with Porsche, and directing it upward to meet Porsche’s eyes. It adds such a subtle vibe to the scene that I didn’t even notice it on a first watch, but after seeing it a few times it’s obvious what his voice is indicating here: he feels bad. We know (from how he talks but also just the hints we’ve gotten so far) that he’s not cruel by nature or needlessly violent. He did what he did in the previous scene to protect Porsche, but he didn’t like doing it. I wouldn’t go so far as to call it real guilt. He’s practical enough to know he made the right call and he’s not close enough to Porsche to truly care about him yet. But I really think in this scene he’s working a little too hard to meet Porsche’s eyes, to act like himself. His voice is a little louder and more...provocative isn’t the word, but something like it, to give no room in the scene for any appearance that he does feel bad for what he did. This is one instance where he does raise his voice to project an image of strength and maybe even defiance, and all so Porsche doesn’t have any reason to wonder if he regrets hurting him. Babie behavior imo but go off king

The wound tending scene:

Kinn does this really fun thing where when he’s being possessive or reasserting his dominance (jfc Kinn are u gonna pee on him next, like ffs), he softens his voice, makes it a teensy bit slower, and enunciates very clearly. When he does this, it’s to make you lean in to listen, to make you pay extra attention. It’s a power play, and it’s interesting that he uses it so often on Porsche. He wants Porsche to lean in, to pay extra attention to him, and even if he thinks it’s solely to put an employee in his place, it’s obvious to the viewer that there’s something else going on.

The pier scene:

This is pretty much the first scene where we see Kinn really let down his guard and be emotionally intimate with Porsche, even if it’s only because he’s drunk and his inhibitions are lowered, as seen earlier when he was shaking his tiddies at Porsche like it was a Lizzo concert. It’s not just that he’s looser and smiles more easily and talks more freely; it’s also that his voice is lower, which lends a sense of intimacy to the scene despite the open space around them. He’s talking to Porsche, focusing his eyes and his voice on him, rather than at him. There’s also something about his tone that feels...idk receptive, like he’s speaking to Porsche on equal footing for the first time. It makes me wonder what he’ll sound like when he’s being genuinely affectionate and loving toward Porsche, because his voice here sounds like a taster of that even though they’re nowhere near that point yet.

In general, Porsche makes Kinn’s voice do things it doesn’t usually do. Kinn is actually a little less well-modulated with Porsche, given how much he gets under his skin, and it shows. His voice has more variety in it when he talks to Porsche; he swings from a soft murmur to a more brash, loud tone in the span of a few seconds. It’s like Porsche’s chaos is rubbing off on him a little, messing with his control. He feels more human because of it, more dynamic, which I think is a good indicator of how Porsche will change him more generally as a person.

Other posts in this series:

Kinn’s voice in episode 4: basically my man is losing it

Kinn’s voice in episode 5: Kinn, respectfully, go to therapy

Kinn’s voice in episode 6: aka Kinn’s Camp Rock “this is real, this is me” era

Kinn’s voice in episode 7: heart boners everywhere

[lutawolf]

When "I'm Hungry and I love you" Mean the Same Thing <D/s>

When Vegas and Pete meet again after the club, Pete is pissed. Vegas is once again blindly following daddy, and he is fucking with the people Pete cares about. They stand at an impasse with guns pointed at each other but then Vegas lowers his. Pete is slowly lowering his but then others comes along and he shots Vegas to save him. That isn't going to be the end of it though because Pete is pissed. Vegas has come to his home and made war on the ones he loves.

Vegas "I'm sorry for everything" Pete does not care because he isn't still mad about that. Pete forgave Vegas at the bar; at that time, he just couldn't live with him. He couldn't live with Vegas and be a nobody. A pet with no name. No, Pete is mad about Vegas coming and fucking shooting at his boss and friends. He is rightously made and he is letting Vegas have it.

He is honestly shocked when Vegas says "If I die today, could it be you who kills me" he doesn't ask Pete to make it quick. He'll take whatever Pete gives him. He just wants to die by his hands. Pete "what the fuck are you talking about?" because he had every intention of knocking him out, not killing him. Vegas doesn't care because if he is going to die, he is good with it being like this. " I love you Pete" then proceeds to give him a really sexy bloody kiss. Pete is so stunned that Vegas is able to gently push him away and chase after Kinn.

Pete slowly rises and chases after Vegas. He isn't running to protect his family now. No, Vegas said the words love and Pete is chasing him. When he reaches him, he is immediately concerned for Vegas. He isn't looking at Korn who has risen from the dead. He isn't paying attention to boss and friends, it's on Vegas with softness and when Vegas points the gun at Korn, He's thinking he is about to have to shoot another shoulder. When the other guards show up, he moves into a more prominent position blocking shots, but he does have his gun on Vegas' shoulder.

Vegas leaves, not waiting on Pete but Pete does not hesitate to follow. He is just taking enough time to resign. All Pete Needed Was to Know Vegas Loved Him!! He will follow Vegas to hell now that he knows that. You guys really think that kind of love happened in a week? Half of which was torture. I'm about to prove it.

Pete resigns and says these very telling words "But I cannot betray my own feelings anymore" mother fucker been in love for a while. He just didn't plan on Vegas returning them. Now that he knows he does, he is ready to descend into hell with him. Why would he say betray his own feelings anymore when it's only been a couple days? And honestly, he was angry enough at the bar that we know he felt justified in walking. No, these words are something you say when you've had feelings over time. Then if that still doesn't convince you, what about Korn. Korn is not surprised. He says, "go take care of him." He honestly has no way of knowing about Vegas and Pete, but he would know about Pete's feelings as Arm did. Which is clear in Episode 7. So, Korn knows and gives his best.

Pete catches up to Vegas and he is trying to kill himself. It appears as if Vegas has a death wish but these guys live in a world in which death is a very real possibility. There is death wish and fatalism. I mean fatalistic suicide is real thing but holds differently than normal suicide. Think of a Samera who would cut of their own heads when they lost. That is fatalistic suicide, it is a cultural thing. Which mafia culture is a thing. Vegas has lost everything from his father, his standing, his way of earning his own keep, and he thinks Pete.

Anyway, Pete catches up with Vegas and tells him to stop. Vegas immediately does. Then notice how he is trying to explain it to Pete. He is trying to tell him he has nothing. Then Pete says, "I'm here, Vegas, I'm here" He is trying to explain to Vegas that he chooses him but "why did you follow me Pete, I've got nothing left" Vegas still doesn't understand. Pete rushes to grab him and Vegas asks him to let go but Pete won't. We then have a parallel of them going down like they did at the bar. At the time Vegas was saying that he could provide Pete with care and comfort, now it's a reversal.

"Why did you follow me, Pete?" He shakes Pete off as he stands and once again reminds him that he has nothing left. Pete has helped him before and left so he isn't catching on that Pete is coming with him. "Would you stop saying you have nothing left, I'm right here. And don't turn your back on me like this. Because I'm hungry"

Now this is important. You can see Vegas literally pause, turn a little towards Pete and soften. Food is their love language. Vegas knows that Pete attributes food with care because of his grandmother. That's why Vegas prior to their relationship often offered and provided Pete with food. Bread, pork, asking if he was hungry, then making food, and onward. Food is their love language, just as it is within one of my D/s relationships.

Gif credit to @liyazaki

"Are you very hungry? Can someone else take you to eat?" Am I really who you want? Who you choose? Wouldn't someone else care for you better? "You dare push me away? You dare push me away Vegas?" "Then why the hell tell me you want to be with me?"

"I'm your pet aren't I and I am hungry now. And you walked out. So, I had to come find my owner" As I've said a million times. Pete is more than happy to be submissive to Vegas. He showed Vegas submission even before captivity. Then when their relationship developed, he easily entrusted Vegas with it again. However, before he drew the line at being a pet. Because he didn't want to be dehumanized to Vegas, he wants Vegas to see him and value him. Once he knew that Vegas loves him, it becomes a game changer. Now he is calling himself a pet. Doing whatever is necessary because he loves Vegas that much. Knowing that Vegas returns those feelings, only strengthens that more. However, I also need you to take a moment and realize we are once again paralleling episode 13. Making something ugly, that of something consensual and beautiful. Pete is completely giving himself to Vegas.

[thatgirl4815]

Boundaries

One of the things I found most enjoyable in this episode was the careful attention to boundaries. I feel like we got to understand its importance in all three of the relationships.

For KinnPorsche, we have Porsche repeatedly turning Kinn away when he thinks he’s lied to him. Kinn, seeing that boundary, backs off; however, he immediately starts making moves to mend the wall between them. During their first conversation after Porsche’s eavesdropping, Kinn backs off when Porsche pushes him away, but he doesn’t let Porsche push him away for good. That’s one of the prevailing aspects of KP’s relationship--they have issues, certainly, but they don't let each other form an unbreakable boundary. We saw it in the last scene of Ep7 and we see it here. Kinn makes mistakes, but he can’t bear the thought of just letting Porsche walk away--no, he’s been hurt too many times. Tay is right about Kinn; he holds onto what he loves dearly. And while Porsche does it too, I will say that Kinn always makes efforts to hold Porsche’s hand tightly (both metaphorically--as Tay said--and physically). 

I will say that I think we are missing out on an important conversation between KP during the episode, because I thought there would certainly be more of a fallout after Korn confessed to covering up Porsche’s parent’s murder. But, they moved on fairly quickly, which is probably a testament to how willingly they submit to each other. It’s again a parallel to Ep7--they make mistakes but they are quick to make up, because they’re clinging to each other like their lives depend on it. In this kind of dangerous world, that’s the only thing they can do if they want to make it out the other side. 

For VegasPete, we have a much more immediate, physical idea of boundaries. Yes, I’m talking about the love scene, but there’s also an acknowledgement of boundaries before that. It’s all to do with Vegas’s hedgehog, a.k.a., a metaphor for his feelings of worth to his father and himself. The one thing I always come back to about this idea of boundaries is that Pete clearly acknowledges them--for instance, during their conversation about blood types when Vegas quickly turns hostile at the notion that he’s “sensitive”/in need of love. There were several times I saw Pete’s expression and just knew that he was trying hard to come to terms with Vegas’s brokenness--to truly understand him. Vegas forms boundaries around himself as a defense-mechanism--and the blood type scene is one of the clearest examples of that. 

When it comes to physical boundaries, the connection here is pretty clear. Vegas initiates with Pete, but he (shockingly) backs off when Pete doesn’t immediately give in. I’ll devote more substantial meta to this later, but Pete sets a boundary when he calls Vegas a psycho, and we see Vegas acknowledging that boundary in a way Kinn did not in KP’s first love scene. Maybe Vegas was telling the truth when he told Porsche that he doesn’t like to force anyone. 

But what we eventually see is Pete taking matters into his own hands--(temporarily) ripping apart the boundaries he has over himself about distrusting Vegas and all the pain he’s inflicted. Because, as I’ve said previously, Pete doesn’t want Vegas to feel so alone. Pete is breaking these boundaries because Vegas needs someone to break them. Desperately. I think Pete’s known it at a subconscious level since the moment he saw Kan give Vegas that first slap in Ep11. But here, he’s saying that he will be Vegas’s, that he will give Vegas that control; it’s as much about their relationship as it is about the sex. Vegas, someone who tortures people and forcibly takes control from them, is only truly satisfied by someone who cares enough to give that power to him. When Pete gives Vegas the ropes, he is temporarily offering Vegas dominion over the boundary separating them. 

Lastly, for KimChay, we have another metaphorical boundary in the form of interference. Kim, someone who recently rejected a sensitive teenage boy (quite coldly, might I add), waltzes into Chay’s gathering to put an end to something that could’ve been very bad for Chay. Kim thinks he’s doing the right thing by “helping” Chay here, but that’s not the point. Kim has crossed a line here, because he doesn’t get to say what’s best for Chay; he’s not his parent. He’s not even his lover. The point is that Kim is trying to act as if he has control over something he let go the moment he walked away from this relationship. He doesn’t get to walk back in now and act as if he has real authority. 

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I guess I’d conclude by saying that all three of these boundary investigations are worth exploring because they all touch on similar and different sides of the same topic. I feel as if I’ve just barely scratched the surface of a much greater discussion, but this is what I’ve come up with so far on the paralleling dynamics in Ep12.