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upsidedownwithsteve · 1 year

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Steve Harrington x fem!reader PART ONE [35K] another year at summer camp, more broken kayaks, a change of plans, a lot of wondering. meet us in the afterglow.

Tell me that you're still mine

The drive was the same, if not quieter.

The roads hadn’t changed and maybe the trees were taller, the sun was still too bright, too warm, a little mocking considering your mood. Your car was still shit and it still protested when you took corners too quickly.

The sign welcoming you into the forest was the same, a little weather worn, familiar and like home. The car park was emptier than usual, but then again, you’d never arrived this early before. Robin was by a delivery truck, hat on backwards despite the way she squinted into the sun to see you roll to a stop.

She grinned, waving but you saw the confusion there and your stomach dropped and twisted, that same awful feeling that had sat in the pit of your stomach for the last month.

Camp Upside Down seemed far too quiet when you finally opened the car door and set a foot on the old pine needles. Like something was missing.

“Hey,” Robin rushed in with a hug, warm and sweet. “You’re here early.” She gave that same frown, lips set into a confused smile as she looked through your windscreen, at the empty passenger seat. “Where’s Steve?”

You swallowed, the pit in your stomach opening up into a yawning thing, a wide open canyon that swallowed everything nice. It rolled, a storm between two cliffs and it made your bones ache. Acid touched your tongue and it only burned more when you tried to push it back down.

“Uh,” your voice broke, just a little, enough for Robin's eyes to widen. “We broke up.”

——————

“What happened?”

Robin hadn’t wasted much time, closing your car door for you before taking you by the hand. Your bags were left in the trunk and neither of you looked at Hopper’s office cabin, eyes set ahead as you let the girl lead you through the trees.

The paths were the same, worn down and more dirt than gravel, and they twisted through the oak trees in a way you knew like the back of your hand. The lake was on your left, eerily still, the kayaks stacked to the side. Nausea rolled in your stomach like waves.

“I— we— fuck,” you were laughing, a wrecked, desperate sort of noise that didn’t match the way your eyes were watering and Robin looked back at you, more serious than you’d ever seen her.

“C’mon,” she murmured, squeezing your hand. She walked a little quicker, down the path and past a fallen log, through the empty cabins that would be bursting with kids and noise and laughter in two days. “Almost there.”

She already had keys to your cabin, the door opened to air it out, the familiar smell of pine hidden under the mustiness of the last year. There were faded outlines on the walls, marks from sticky tape that would never come off, a reminder of the photos and the postcards that lived there over summer.

You knew if you pulled out your bedside table, there would be etchings on the back of it, lines made from a penknife that wasn’t yours, a name next to your own, a heart drawn around the letters.

The cabin you’d spent five years in suddenly didn’t feel like yours anymore.

But then Robin had you by the shoulders and she looked so worried, brows drawn together and you wondered if you counted the freckles on her nose, that maybe you could stall the conversation that was about to happen. She drew a finger over your cheek instead, catching a tear you didn't know was there.

“Tell me everything.”

[AFTERGLOW BY TAYLOR SWIFT]

You’d know something was wrong when Steve had called you.

It had been late enough that when he asked you to come over, you’d frowned and made a joke about a booty call. But the boy hadn’t laughed and he didn’t answer when you asked what was going on.

So you made an excuse to your parents and said you wouldn’t be too late, slipping out the front door in your pyjama shorts and a camp sweatshirt that had Steve’s name stitched on the front. Your bare feet were stuffed in your sneakers, uncomfortable and too cold despite the way the weather in Hawkins was starting to warm up. Your car grumbled as you drove to Steve’s like it knew something, like it was warning you.

Steve met you in the driveway, hands in the pockets of his sweatpants, his hair messier than normal, like he’d been running his hands through it. When you killed the engine and smiled at him through the windscreen, he smiled back, but it wasn’t the same.

Something was wrong.

“Hey,” you’d greeted him warily, hands out to reach him, pushing on your toes to kiss his cheek.

He’d caught you off guard when he turned, your lips skimming over his skin until his mouth met yours with a neediness you hadn’t expected. His nose was a hard press to your cheek, his hand squeezing yours like he was scared you’d disappear, his breath mixing with your kiss in a huff that seemed full of an emotion you really couldn’t place.

“Steve?” You whispered when he eventually pulled back, gaze heavy and brows knitted together. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”

He tugged gently on your hand then, taking a step back. “Let’s go sit out back, yeah?”

The lights that came through the Harrington’s kitchen windows let you know his parents were home, an abandoned dinner left on the dining table, half eaten but the wine glasses were empty. You let Steve lead you to the sunloungers, dusted off and taken out of the pool house for the start of summer, the newly cleaned pool pouring out heat and the smell of chlorine, steam swirling in the evening air.

The sky was lilac, a violet kind of twilight that made the first of the fireflies linger at the edge of Steve’s backyard fence, right by the treeline. The hum of the pool generator was the only sound and it set you on edge.

“Steve, what’s wrong?” Your voice came out a little weak, anxiousness creeping up your chest and neck in a dangerous heat, the kind that prickled your skin and made your throat feel too tight.

The boy was sitting across from you, your knees bumping his between the loungers, both of your hands clasped tightly together in your own laps. You wanted to reach out to him, but something told you that you couldn’t, not like you used to.

You’d only seen him last night. A kiss against the side of your car, his knuckles under your chin, sweeping your jaw as you both laughed into open mouths, whispering about how his parents were due back from the airport any minute, how’d they’d catch you both in their drive, lovesick and melted together.

What had happened?

You watched Steve blow out a breath, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as he pushed himself to speak. “Uh, my dad got me a scholarship.”

You blinked. “What?”

Steve cleared his throat, his voice rough, like he’d been yelling, like he’d been crying. He leaned back, hands pushed into fists on the seat cushions. “Yeah, my dad came back and told me he’d gotten me into a Finance course. Full ride.” Steve barked out a laugh, like he didn’t believe it.

“What?” You couldn’t help repeating yourself, brows stitched together in confusion. “Finance? That’s— that’s not what you wanted— wait, how?”

Steve made a face, nose wrinkled and he stared at the ground. He shrugged. “He had an old colleague that knew the Dean. He pulled some strings, I guess.”

Your stomach dropped and lurched. A sardonic laugh crept up your throat that you tried to tame, a choked splutter coming out instead. You shook your head. “You mean he flashed his wallet.”

Steve groaned, his hand running through his hair, making more of a mess of it. “Babe—”

“Are you doing it? Finance? Steve, that’s, that’s the last thing that interests you! Why are you even telling me this? You can’t be serious. Tell me you’re not serious?”

Steve dropped his chin to his chest, eyes closing. He looked like he was in pain. “It’s in Arizona.”

You’d always heard the expression, of someone’s blood running cold. You’d thought it silly, a weird and twisted exaggeration. Up until now, anyway. Your body turned icy, a sharp chill that ran through you and it made your bones feel brittle, delicate enough to splinter. You could hear your heartbeat in your ears.

“Arizona?” You mumbled it, a clumsy thing in your mouth that didn’t seem like a real word, too bulky to wrap your tongue around. “Steve—?”

“The scholarship is for Arizona State.”

The fireflies on the edge of the yard had gone and the purple skies were inkier, too big above you and despite the lack of clouds, you still couldn’t see any stars. Your throat was getting tighter.

“Arizona? Arizona. Steve, that’s, fuck, that’s the other side of the country. What? You’re not actually considering going, are you?”

“Princess,” he said it without his usual warmth, the affection still there but Steve sounded tired, drained. “It’s paid for. It’s all - shit - my dad’s organised all of it.”

You laughed then, an awful, bitter, nasty sounding thing but it was only to cover up the fact that you were ready to cry. Tears pricked hot in the corners of your eyes and your voice was sharp, biting. “So, what? Daddy’s decided then, yeah? That’s it?”

Steve flinched before straightening up, shoulders rolling as he prepared himself for the fight he knew was coming. You pretended not to see that his eyes were glassy too, matching yours.

“It’s a good opportunity, alright? I can—”

“Bullshit, Steve!” You snapped, rising to your feet because you couldn’t sit there and listen to what was about to leave your boyfriend's lips. “Don’t feed me the same lecture your dad drilled into you, okay? This can’t be what you want. No, I know this isn’t what you want!”

“What am I supposed to do, huh?” Steve’s voice got a little louder, taking over the hum of the pool, the insects that were buzzing from the bushes. “Turn it down? Spend the rest of my life in this shitty town, wondering what the fuck I’m supposed to be doing? Hoping that one day, maybe Keith will be kind enough to promote me to weekend supervisor?”

“I don’t know!” You were pacing, moving away from Steve to walk circles around the loungers, your gaze hardening when you saw his mother at a window, the curtains quickly drawn. “I don’t know, okay? But we were supposed to figure it out, we were supposed to do it together.”

You broke then, a hiccup breaking from your throat that turned into a sob that not even your palm could muffle. Your breath stuttered into your hand and the tears fell hot and fast, salt gathering between your fingers. Steve crumbled, shoulders dropping he was in front of you, hands reaching around your wrist to pull it away.

“Shit, princess, no, no, I know,” Steve blinked, water gathering at his lash line, turning you blurry, the pool a mosaic of blue and white. “C’mon, come here.”

He had you sitting again, nudging himself into the space between your legs, kneeling in front of the sunlounger. His thumbs were frantically trying to catch your tears, his hands cradling your face as he made soft noises, hushing you, soothing you.

“We still can, alright? Listen, baby, listen,” Steve seemed a little frantic now, wide eyed as he tried to calm you, hands cupping your jaw, thumbs stroking under your reddened eyes. “You can come too, we can work something out, we can get a place and—”

“What?” You squinted at the boy, confused. “Steve, I don’t want to move to Arizona. There’s nothing in Arizona! Not for me, not for us! My, my family is here, my job is here, fuck, we were saving up, we were gonna move and get our own place.” The tears were falling again, breath catching in your throat and panic clawed at you, vicious and unrelenting. “A place somewhere pretty, remember? Somewhere by a lake, with— with mountains and a huge garden—”

You broke off as Steve cursed, sniffing and only letting go of you to swipe at his own cheek, doing his best to pretend that he wasn’t crying too.

“You don’t have to go,” you let your forehead drop to his shoulder, face pressed to his chest where it smelled like his cologne, like mint and cedar and home. “You don’t have to leave.”

A splash hit your head, warm, another following when Steve let his face hide in your hair. Tears. “I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to leave you.”

“Then don’t.”

“I have to go.” Steve sounded broken, breath ragged and voice cracking. You didn’t dare look up at him. Not yet. “My dad— my parents. They said if I’m not getting myself an education, then I gotta find myself a place to stay.”

You moved them, head ripping back so you could stare at the boy, anger crawling up your chest. It simmered, a burning heat that felt almost unrecognisable. “Then leave, fuck, Steve, babe— you don’t have to sit and be blackmailed into this!”

Steve swiped at his face, broken down and tired, the bags under his eyes becoming more obvious as the evening grew into night and the pool lights sharpened his features. “It doesn’t work like that. Where am I gonna go, huh? We haven’t saved nearly enough, not for a deposit on some shitty apartment, never mind anything else. It’s just— Arizona… it’s the only solution right now.”

You shook your head, face crumpling and you tried not to cry again, but it was no use. Your cheeks felt too hot, vision blurring as you watched Steve sit back onto the other lounger, his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands.

“You can stay with me,” you sniffed, voice a thick thing, bubbling and sticky with sorrow. This wasn’t happening. This was a bad dream. That’s all. “You can move in with us, until we save. We’ll work something out.”

Steve let out a huff of laughter, sad and a little mean. It landed on the patio between you both and you watched him shake his head. “You know that’s not realistic,” he swore under his breath, lip trembling. “Baby, I want to make this work, I do, but your parents— and you have your aunt staying with you all, and it’s just… it’s not gonna work.”

It felt final, the way he said it.

You stood again, shooting to your feet as if suddenly the idea of sitting too close to the boy was causing you pain. Maybe it was.

“So that’s it?” You laughed through your tears, a sharp, pitched noise that didn’t sound like it was coming from you. You sounded mean, cruel. You couldn’t help it, you couldn’t stop. “Daddy just writes a check and you jump? He has your future planned out for you and you just… go along with it?”

“That’s not—” Steve’s eyes flashed, dangerous. A warning you took no heed of.

“Yes it is, Steve! That’s exactly what’s happening! Fuck me, right? Fuck us?”

Steve reached for you, a hand trying to catch yours but you moved back, head shaking, eyes wide. “You don’t want to study Finance, you don’t want to move to Arizona. But you’re going to ‘cause your dad is a fucking bully and he’s somehow convinced you that you need a piece of paper and some letters by your name to make you a man.”

Steve grinned, a flash of his teeth more than a smile, and he stared right past you, jaw flexed. You hadn’t argued with the boy like this before. Biting remarks and cruel words sure, but not in such a serious way. Not about something that could end you both.

“You think you know?” Steve shot back, “you think you’ve got it all worked out? What am I supposed to do, huh? Yeah, he’s an asshole, but he’s still my dad, princess. He’s, fuck, he’s trying to help, okay? Am I just supposed to stay in this same town and save and save and save until maybe, just maybe! We hit forty and we can leave? Having a college degree will help me. It will. Finance, I don’t know—it’ll at least get me a good job.. One that’ll pay well.”

“That’s your dad talking,” you told him, voice impossibly sad. “None of that ever mattered to you.”

Steve didn’t listen. “This is what’s best, alright?”

“No, it’s not, Jesus, Steve, just listen to me!”

“If— if you don’t wanna move, we can do long distance. I’ll visit, you can come on holidays, we’ll make it work.” Steve sounded as panicked as you felt, talking too fast, like he could fix it if he just kept throwing out suggestions. “It’ll be okay.”

Another sob ripped from you as you spun away from him, head tipped to the sky as you tried your best not to yell. Frustration leaked through the cracks of your anger. “I’m not letting your dad dictate our future.”

Steve paused, breath caught in his throat. You heard him step closer before he stilled. “What?”

You closed your eyes as you spoke, like it would help. Maybe it would hurt less. “I’m not letting your dad decide our lives. Not mine, anyway.” You turned, watching Steve turn blurry from your tears. His cheeks were pink, eyes glassy, his bottom lip still trembling. “You want to be apart? For what, four years?” You hiccuped, sniffed. “Steve, please don’t go. Don’t go. Not for something you don’t want to do.”

The boy took your hand, clasping it tight as it hung from his in the space between you both. It felt huge, the distance, a wide open thing.

“Tell me you want to do this and I’ll support you, I swear,” you told him, choked up but determined. “Tell me you’ve always wanted to study Finance, tell me you’ve always wondered what it’d be like to live in Arizona and get a job at a desk where you punch numbers onto a screen. Tell me all that and I’ll support you the whole way. Tell me this is what you want, not what your dad wants.”

Steve was silent. His cheeks were damp. It was the seventh grade science fair all over again.

“When do you leave?” You whispered.

He let go of your hand.

“August.”

He watched you turn to your car, a five second delay as he realised you were walking away, away from him. Steve chased you across the drive as his parents watched from a crack in the living room curtain, shouting your name with a choked up voice, panic making his words crack and break.

He held you in the driveway, your arms wrapped around each other uncomfortably tight, an alarming fear in the air around you both. It felt awful, heavy, like the end of something that wasn’t yet finished. So you tried again, tears running down your cheeks, pouring openly as you begged, asking him to stay, to try with you, promising him it would all work out and this wasn’t the life that he wanted, you knew that, Steve knew that.

Didn’t he? Right? Right?

But the boy was shaking his head, swiping a hand meanly over his eyes as he brushed away his own tears, trying his best to get you to understand that he didn’t have a choice. He dropped his voice, an agitated whisper as he hissed about families and business, expectations and being written out of wills, written out of a family name, how money was supposed to equal happiness, and maybe his dad was right, maybe he needed to get a job that required a suit and tie, and maybe - just maybe - he could live a life like his parents. Money in the bank, a big house, a fat cheque every month.

That’s what being a Harrington was, right?

Right?

You sniffed, lip quivering, brows raised and your voice mean. “Yeah? Is that what you want, Steve?” You stepped back, a hand on your car door. “You want to be just like your dad? Get the briefcase and the business cards and fly out of town every week? Maybe you’ll pick up a trophy wife in Arizona, huh? Then find a girlfriend in another state and hope your kids don’t find out? Flash your wallet and make problems go away? Have a son and make him feel as shitty and empty as you do?”

Steve was silent. And then, an ugly smile, a smirk that was cold and a little dead. “Sure, princess, that’s exactly what I fucking want. And hey, fuck, maybe I don’t have a choice in this, but at least I’m getting out of this town. Can you say the same? Weren’t you supposed to be saving for college too, princess? What happened to that, huh? Reality is real ugly, isn’t it?”

“Fuck you,” you laughed, angry and sad and in no way amused. “We were supposed to get out together.”

“I told you to come with me!” Steve barked out, sharp, an almost yell. You tried not to flinch. “Fuck, god, you could come with me… we could do this together.”

“It’s not together! Jesus, Steve, can’t you see that?” You were beyond frustrated, hands balled into fists by your sides before they flew up to grab at your head. You were in disbelief. Was this happening? This was happening. “None of this is us! Not for us, not planned by us, not wanted by us! This is all planned by him!” Your hand shot out to the front door of the Harrington’s house, grand and regal and dark behind the window. “He’s dictating it all, throwing money and hoping it lands, just so he can say his son went to college!”

Steve was stone faced, eyes on the tarmac drive.

“I don’t care if you go to college,” you whispered, watery. “I just want you to be happy.”

‘I want you to stay with me.’ You didn’t say it.

Steve didn’t answer but you saw his shoulders shake, miniscule, and then the streetlight caught the tear rolling down his cheek, flashing. He didn’t stop you when you got into your car and drove away.

—————

Robin was wide eyed when you finished, kneeling on your unmade bed with you, the sheets folded and sitting at the foot of it. Her hand was still holding yours, fingers twisted together, her thumb running over your palm. She sucked in a breath.

“Shit.”

“Shit,” you agreed.

“So it’s over?” Robin asked, letting go of your hand when you flopped backwards, head hitting the pillow. Your own one was still in the backseat of your car, a brand new pillowcase on it ‘cause the old one somehow still smelled like Steve. “That’s it?”

You shrugged, staring at the ceiling until the beams of wood blurred together and you sniffed. “I guess, yeah.”

Robin nudged you, crawling up the mattress until you shifted, leaving enough space for her to lie next to you on the narrow bed. You were shoulder to shoulder, head sharing the same pillow and you could smell her sunscreen, the lemon and lavender perfume she always wore. You turned into her, nose pressed to her shoulder, revelling in the comfort it brought.

“When did this happen? How long has it been?”

“Three weeks,” you mumbled into her shirt, the corners of your eyes stinging again, tears making your throat thick. You were shocked you had more in you, all you had done since that night was cry. “Feels like it’s been a fucking year.”

“And you haven’t spoken since? Is he definitely going? Fuck, I can’t— Arizona?”

“Fucking Arizona,” you agreed, sighing. “I tried to call him the night after. His dad answered, said he was in the shower and he’d tell him I rang.” You sniffed again, pressing the heel of your palm to your sore eyes. “He never called me back.”

“Dude,” Robin sounded morose, your pain now her pain and she dropped her head on top of yours. A small comfort, considering.

“Dude,” you agreed. You sighed, world weary and already tired, despite only being awake for four hours. “Do you think I blew it out of proportion? Was I too harsh?”

Robin opened her mouth to answer, and then closed it again, thinking it over before she spoke. She smacked a kiss to your forehead before talking, her voice soft and more gentle than usual.

“I think you’re totally right. Steve doesn’t wanna study finance, or go to Arizona. Shit, he once thought Dustin’s pocket calculator was some kind of gaming console. But I know he struggles with his dad.” Robin sucked in a breath, wary. “And I know his dad is a certified asshole, but that little scrawny version of Steve at the science fair? He's still there, y’know? And he probably still wants to make his dad proud.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat. “I know. I just don’t get why.”

Robin shrugged. “Me neither, but that’s on growing up with somewhat normal parents, I guess. I know he loves you though. A lot. Maybe he’ll change his mind.”

You were openly crying now, tears soaking Robin’s shirt sleeve, but she didn’t seem to mind. Her lips were against your hair when she mumbled, “You don’t wanna go to Arizona with him?”

You sat up, chest heaving, hands swiping clumsily at your face to rid yourself of your damp cheeks, your swollen eyes. Your breath stuttered, a gasping, awful sound because it hurt being told that Steve loved you. It ached to be reminded. “No.” You were final about it, voice softening only when you continued. “Fuck, I thought I’d follow him anywhere you know? We were saving up, working stupid shifts and we had this stupid map and— and I would laugh at him ‘cause he’d circle these weird places no one had heard of, said we’d buy a house there and get a dog and… if I move to Arizona with him, we’re just starting a life that’s going to be dictated by his dad.”

Robin looked sad as she gazed at you, listening quietly, her feet resting against your knees as she curled up by the headboard. She nodded, knowing.

“Because Steve will graduate, right? And then his dad will be the one to set him up with interviews and jobs, and fuck, maybe this new Steve will even join the family business - which, by the way, I know he doesn’t wanna do.” You sucked in a breath, wide eyed at the possibility of this kind of future. “We won’t get a dog, ‘cause his mom says animals don’t belong in a house, and I’ll be left at home to press all his suits, with like, six kids that all look like the husband I don’t even get to see anymore, because he’ll be on business trips with his dad and dudes called Tony and Chase and he’ll meet a girl with a name like Britney, and you just know she was head cheerleader when she was in college and—”

You were cut off abruptly, Robin’s hands pressed to your cheeks, squishing them a little as she stared at you, concern in her eyes. “Babe. Breathe.”

You blew out a shaky breath and tried to smile, but it was watery and weak. “So what’s been happening with you?” You tried to joke.

—————

The rest of the staff arrived in drips, Eddie’s van parked dangerously close to Billy’s shiny Camaro, Eddie cackling and flipping the other boy off when he snarled obscenities about his paintwork. Nancy and Robin had picked up Chrissy on the way, Argyle following in a new VW bug, sunflower yellow with giant, green plants painted on the side that he told Murray, ‘s’just nature, my dude.’

There wasn’t any sign of a maroon BMW.

And then eleven o’clock came and everyone had to pile into Hopper’s cabin. The man was sitting behind his desk as usual, already looking tired as he watched you all trail in, taking up too much space. You’d managed to squeeze yourself on the old sofa between Robin and Nancy when the door opened at the last minute. Eddie trailed in with a guilty smile, another boy behind him.

Steve.

You felt Robin tense beside you, patting your knee when you slouched into the couch cushions a little further. The soft smile Eddie sent you as he passed told you that he knew everything too.

The two boys sat across the room, perching on the windowsill and Steve didn’t look at you. In fact, he didn’t look anywhere but the old carpet, his hands shoved in his pockets. He looked as tired as you felt. His hair was a mess, like the wind had caught it, one curl sticking up from his forehead and you wanted to reach out and fix it for him, stand between his legs and let him touch you, let him give you a kiss as thanks.

Fuck.

Everyone shuffled awkwardly, glancing from you to Steve and back again, each staff member wondering why you weren’t sitting together like you normally would. Even Murray was frowning, holding an open bag of trail mix, peering at you over his glasses. You looked away.

“Okay, welcome back, glad to see some of you have managed to avoid jail time for another summer. Congrats!” Hopper stood with his clipboard, shooting a glance at Eddie, who grinned, smug. “You all know the drill by now, so let’s get into it. I’ve got a five ton delivery of Lucky Charms that nobody asked for to deal with.”

Murray took front and centre then, busying himself with paperwork and staff files. “Okay you bunch of delinquents, look alive, roll call!”

It went like it always did, Murray listing off familiar names, assigning them back to their usual stations, reminding them that they needed to hand in their up to date first aid certificates and that staff uniform was mandatory and not a matter of opinion.

Billy, lifeguard duties. Robin, kitchens with Bob. Jonathan, photography - and if he had time, could he help Hopper work on the website design for the new summer? Argyle, wood shop. Nancy, crafts and more time in the office with Joyce, so she can learn the ropes with admin stuff. Jason, lake games. Chrissy, gymnastics.

“Edward,” Murray announced, turning to hand the boy some sign up sheets. “Music. We’ve moved you to a bigger cabin for your lessons this year, we got way more sign ups than anticipated. Keep it up.” Murray clicked his finger and pointed at the boy, like he’d almost forgotten something. “Oh, and tell your girl we’re all proud of her. An architectural internship in Philadelphia is no small feat.”

Eddie grinned, chest puffed out, cheeks pink and looking full of pride. “Right?” He agreed. “She’s gonna be running her own firm in no time.”

“Harrington, Hawkins, you’re both on games—”

You couldn’t help it, it rose up like panic, acidic and bitter, bile in the back of your throat. “Can I be placed somewhere else?”

Everyone stared. Murray choked on a piece of trail mix, a too big pumpkin seed that hit the wall near Argyle.

Your eyes met Steve’s and you saw the flinch of hurt there before his brown eyes hardened and his jaw tensed. He stared hard at the floor, toeing at the carpet.

Murray looked confused, scanning the list of staff members to see if it were possible, but Hopper interrupted, frowning. He was gruff about it, gesturing to the schedules in the other man’s hands. “These have been written for weeks kid, we’re not fucking about ‘cause of a lovers tiff, we’re all adults here—”

“Actually,” Murray interrupted, gaze flicking from you to Steve and back again. He levelled you with a stare that looked like a challenge, a dare, a question. Like he was testing you. “We could do with someone else on the lake this year. More kids. You’ve been on life guarding duties before, right?”

Oh shit. You nodded.

Beside you, Robin exhaled, a curse under it as she pulled her cap down low, hiding under the brim of it. Across the room, Nancy stared at you, wide eyed. “What’re you doing?” She mouthed.

“Up to date on first aid? CPR?” Murray continued, ignoring the tension in the room.

You could hear a pin drop. “Yeah,” you muttered.

Eddie swore.

“Great!” Murray was too cheerful, whacking his pen off of the clipboard. “Congrats, Hargrove, you’ve got a buddy for the summer.”

It was awful, the way your stomach sank, the way Billy cackled, white teeth flashing as he made a show of looking you up and down. It was gut wrenching, the way Robin looked at you with sympathy, the way Steve was tugging a hand through his hair and looking anywhere but at you.

Everyone filed out, back into the sun, collecting new staff shirts and sets of keys for the gym, the music room, storage cabins and equipment cages. Hopper held up a hand to stop you, gesturing to the couch. You sat back down, heart racing as he did the same to Steve, not speaking until the last person had left.

The jar was still on his desk, sticky label over sticky label, each one with a new name on it, everything from ‘kayak money’ to ‘therapy cash’ a scribbled out note from Eddie that said ‘lovebird fundz.’ Your stomach tumbled over, a sticky, hot nausea creeping over you when Steve sat down too, right up against the other side of the sofa.

Hopper leaned against his desk, already looking world weary. He sighed, running a finger and thumb over his moustache before pointing at the obvious space between you both. “Listen, I don’t make a habit of getting into my employees personal lives, and I don’t need to know what happened but—”

“I’d be interested in hearing, actually,” Murray interrupted.

Hopper ignored him. “All I wanna know is that you’ll be working together like professionals, when the situation calls for it, alright? No funny business. No arguing. No fighting. No breaking anymore of my goddamn kayaks.”

Steve was picking at a loose thread on the hem of his t-shirt and you were staring at your nail beds but when the man cleared his throat, sharp and jarring, you both nodded.

“Good.” Hopper nodded, “get going then, get settled and all that. I don’t wanna hear any trouble.” The man made a point of glancing at the empty jar on his desk, a fresh piece of tape on the front, yet to be labelled.

It took two seconds for Steve to round on you, your shoes barely hitting the grass outside, Eddie, Nancy and Robin bearing witness to the explosion. They stood off to the side, sat balancing on the porch railing of the medical cabin, pretending they couldn’t hear.

So Steve made sure his voice was loud enough to reach. “Really?” He all but yelled, “lake duties, huh? A summer with Billy fucking Hargrove? That’s what you’d rather deal with than me?”

You were quick to fire back, a familiar fuse lit inside of you as you snapped, eyes flashing as you went toe to toe with Steve. It made your heart hurt, knowing this argument was going to end without a kiss. “Oh, grow up, Steve! You really wanna spend all summer with me? Wanna hold hands and tell me all about Arizona? Show me your class schedule and talk about the weather there?”

The words were nasty tasting as they left your tongue, metallic and coated in invisible armour, meant to protect you more than hurt the boy. But it did the latter more than the first, Steve’s jaw clenching as he stared at you.

‘You didn’t call me back,’ you wanted to say. You wanted to yell it, sob it. ‘Why didn’t you call me back?’

“I’ve to grow up? That’s real cute, princess, you’re not even gonna try and be civil about this? Go back to being friends?”

You wanted to laugh at that, but the tightness in your chest might’ve been tears and you weren’t willing to let those out in front of Steve. You couldn’t stop. Poison dripping from your tongue, costing your teeth, sharp and barbed. You just kept talking. “Yeah, like we were friends before.”

Steve scoffed, nodding. “You’re right. We were never friends, were we?” He backed away, his eyes trailing over you like a reflex, like he couldn’t help it even now. “Have fun with Hargrove, princess, enjoy your summer.” He stalked off, sunlight hitting off his shoulders, making his hair turn auburn. Eddie jumped off the railing to trail after him, both boys heading towards the lake as Eddie sent you a regretful look over his shoulder.

Nancy and Robin approached as you did your best to even out your breaths, a pain catching between your ribs that felt all too familiar, an ache that had lived weeks for weeks now. It had wrapped around your heart like weeds, vines with thorns, squeezing at you until you wanted to cry. You sniffed, head ducked from your friends view.

Someone’s hand pressed between your shoulder blades and you looked up to see Nancy, a sad smile there. “I’m supposed to be working on the cabin groupings, but, uh,” she raised her brows at Robin, “I have a couple of bottles of wine hidden in Jonathan’s trunk. Why don’t we grab a few and pretend we’re not on the clock…”

You nodded, pretending there weren’t tears nipping at your eyes as you watched Steve’s retreating figure, the boy kicking angrily at a rock on the ground.

Tell me that we'll be just fine

You didn’t see Steve again before the kids arrived.

The two days before the official start of camp were spent hauling out the equipment, dusting off crash mats and kayaks, pumping up the sad, deflated balls and hoping to god the old dock would last another year. The June weather came with the usual force, blue skies, cloudless after sunrise, burning away with the morning haze until all that was left was an endless heat that lingered into the night.

Camp Upside Down without the kids was fireflies by the shoreline, feet in the lake after lunch, breakfasts in your cabin, stolen banana muffins and fresh peaches, music that toed the line of too loud before bed.

It still felt like home. But it was a house with a room missing. Steve’s lack of presence hurting like an open wound. You caught glimpses of him here and there, between the trees, on the edge of the lake, helping Eddie lug amps and drum kits from one cabin to another.

Jealousy flared when you saw him talking to Chrissy outside the gym, a friendly distance between them both but it twisted in your stomach like a knot, sickly and unwelcome. Robin had dragged you away by your elbow, telling you that you were being stupid and, shouldn’t you go talk to him?

“If he wanted to talk, he would’ve called me back, remember?” You reminded her sullenly, walking towards the middle of camp together to prepare for the hoards of buses and cars that were soon to flood in.

You stopped talking as you joined the cluster of staff members at the unlit fire, the unofficial heart of the camp. The logs were already arranged around the pit, ready for s’mores and stories. Steve was standing between Eddie and Jonathan, staff shirt sunbleached and loose around his frame, his jeans cuffed at the ankles to get some relief from the morning warmth that would only climb higher.

Chrissy was with them, ponytail bobbing animatedly, smiling too pretty. You’d never had a problem with the girl before, in fact, you’d even call her a friend. But she reached out and slapped playfully at Steve’s arm when she laughed at something he said, and suddenly you were wondering how deep the lake was.

Maybe Steve would sense that you were staring, maybe he still knew when you were near, ‘cause his head shot up and his gaze found yours immediately. He didn’t look away and neither did you, but he frowned when you lifted your chin, defiant.

“Hey, uh,” Nancy appeared by your side, looking uncomfortable as she said, “you know you’re wearing his sweater, right?”

“What?” You looked down, the forest green sweater suddenly swamping you as you realised it definitely wasn’t your own. Steve’s name was stitched on the front, small and neat across your heart. You felt your cheeks burn. “Oh, for fuck sake.”

That’s how you ended up arguing via the kids, the campers arriving in a flurry of colour and noise, yelling about lost rucksacks and the youngest crying as their parents drove away, consoled by Joyce and some animal crackers.

Max Mayfield found you in the midst of the chaos, tapping your shoulder as you turned around with your clipboard, interrupted from taking note of Will Byers new allergy medication.

She was holding Steve’s sweater, looking at you unimpressed. “He said he doesn’t want it,” she sighed, already bored of the back and forth.

“What?” You squinted at her, disgruntled and confused as to how Steve could reject his own sweater. “Why?”

The redhead rolled her eyes, shrugging. “I don’t know! He said that you should keep it.”

Panicked, you shook your head, coaxing the girl back into the crowd. “No, nuhuh, tell him I don’t want it. Lucas, hey, Sinclair!” You waved down the boy, confiscating the slingshot that was sticking out of his pocket as you did. “Go with Max, it’s important.”

And while you got rid of two kids, another came barrelling from out of nowhere, arms wrapped around your waist. You caught the attacker with an ‘oomph,’ your hand on the back of a familiar head of curly hair. Dustin Henderson stared up at you, a little taller than last year, but eyes just as innocent and earnest.

“Is it true?” He whispered, shell shocked. “Steve said—”

You groaned quietly, eyes closing briefly because this was exactly what you didn’t want. You nodded, smiled tight and tried to look sympathetic, patting at his head. “Yeah, listen, it’s just—”

“I’m a child of divorce!” He wailed, interrupting whatever explanation you were about to give him and garnering far too much attention from bystanders.

Before you could peel Dustin off of you, Max and Lucas reappeared once more, Steve’s sweater still with them. You sighed, wondering if this was how the entire summer was going to feel.

“Yeah, he won’t take it,” Lucas explained and you groaned when Max tossed it over your shoulder. You hadn’t worn it since the night you’d walked away from him, throwing it in your case instead of yours, an accidental nightmare. It still smelled like Steve, you weren’t sure how you hadn’t noticed before. “Steve says he doesn’t want it.”

Over the heads of the kids, you found Steve, uncharacteristically stone faced as he listened to something Joyce was saying. He was nodding, not really listening, ‘cause his eyes were on you and he watched you take the sweater off your shoulder. You couldn’t bring yourself to let it drop to the forest floor, you just couldn’t. So you tied it around your waist and tried to pretend it wasn’t there.

—————

[WORK SONG BY HOZIER]

Eddie found you bright and early on the dock the next morning, a carton of orange juice offered.

You smiled and said your thanks, knocking shoulders with him as he stood next to you, the water lapping at the old planks, the sun making the sky tangerine. “Her majesty has risen early,” he quipped, not looking at you as you both pierced your straws through the little carton. “Can’t sleep?”

You shrugged, staring out at the lake, hoping the day would be quick so you could fall back into bed. You craved sleep, longed for your head to hit your pillow each night in the hopes that you wouldn’t dream about a summer before where you could spend it with Steve. It hurt more waking up in a place so familiar, so important to what you once had with the boy.

“You could say that.” You smiled, but there wasn’t any humour behind it. You could feel Eddie watching you from behind his curls, big brown eyes earnest, worry rolling off of him in waves. “How’re you, Eddie? How’s your girlfriend? Missin’ her yet?”

Distract distract distract.

The boy nodded, sucking noisily from his juice box, citrus in the air. “I’m good, yeah - we’re good,” he added. “Got an apartment downtown together, we’re getting by. Hop let me use the phone yesterday, let her know if arrived, y’know? She’s doing good…”

Eddie nudged you again, an affectionate touch. “Are you okay?”

You nodded, not trusting yourself to speak, your throat too tight. So you bit down on your straw and waited until the carton was empty, orange juice tasting too bitter against the toothpaste still on your tongue. “Yeah,” you sounded tired. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t have to lie to me, sweetheart,” Eddie said kindly, his voice still quiet, matching the morning. “You volunteered to spend the summer side by side with Hargrove, I don’t think you gotta lie to anyone.”

You blinked, not surprised when tears blurred your vision. The sky melted into the lake, white-blue into peach, pink clouds nothing more than cotton candy, the lake reflecting it all back. “It would just suck, you know?” You explained, whispering. “To be with him all day and not—”

Touch him, kiss him, hold him.

You swallowed, the motion a struggle. “—it just, it would hurt. And I don’t want it to hurt any more than it already does, so…”

Eddie didn’t say anything, not right away. But he let his free hand drop between you both, covering your own. His fingers didn’t twist between yours the way Steve’s did and his rings were cold against your skin. It didn’t make your stomach summersault and there wasn’t a scar on the back of his hand when your thumb touched it, but it was nice all the same.

Kind, caring. Worried.

“He’s hurting too, you know,” Eddie murmured, fingers squeezing gently around yours. “I know you’re mad at him, that you hate he’s leaving—”

You bit down on your lip at that, hard enough to taste metal, glassy eyed and turning to Eddie. You shook your head, suddenly feeling a little manic. “No, no, fuck,” you sucked in a breath, trying not to cry. “Well, yeah, I hate that he’s leaving but— Eddie, shit, it’s his dad. He’s letting his dad decide his future and he’s doing everything he used to say he hated and- and I don’t know why.”

Eddie’s brows knitted together as he watched your lip tremble and he nodded, scrubbing the hand that held his squished juice box over his face. “I know,” he admitted, “I know. I asked him, but he’s just talkin’ bullshit. I don’t know what’s gotten into him. Says it’s best for him, or some shit, keeps talkin’ ‘bout six figure salaries and, well, fuck if I know.”

“S’like he’s been brainwashed,” you mumbled, feeling very much like one of the younger campers as you said it, juicebox in hand. You wanted to stomp your feet and cry, you wanted to yell at Steve until he snapped out of it. “Like his parents came home and suddenly managed to convince him that he needed to do everything he hated.”

Eddie’s lips twisted, downturned and sad. “He said he’d get thrown out the house. Cut off. Sounds like emotional blackmail more than brainwashing, sweetheart.”

You sniffed, turning back to the lake so you could swipe at your eyes. “Yeah,” you croaked. “It does.”

You stayed with the boy until the sky turned blue and the clouds rolled away, the tannoy signalling it was time for breakfast. The camp came alive minutes later, kids clambering out of cabins, half dressed and with one shoe on, racing for a seat with their friends, hoping they’d be lucky enough to get some pancakes before Bob ran out.

Then Billy was sauntering towards the lake, already shirtless, red shorts and a whistle around his neck. He grinned as he approached, eyes hidden behind sunglasses, biting noisily into an apple.

“Been waiting long for me, darlin’?” His voice was a drawl, raspy from the morning, from the cigarette he probably hung out his cabin window to smoke before his shift.

You rolled your eyes and didn’t gift him with a response, silently thanking Eddie with a bump of your hip to his. Eddie seemed to puff out his chest a little as he passed the other boy, his smile anything but friendly as he narrowed his eyes at him.

“Piss her off, and we’ll have a problem, Hargrove,” Eddie’s voice was soft and lilting, an almost sing-song, but the warning was clear.

Billy merely grinned wider though, sharklike as he brought his hand to his chest, feigning innocence with a gasp. “Who, me?” He tsked, frowning at Eddie. “Don’t know what you’re gettin’ at, Teddy bear. And besides, she’s not your girl.” Billy turned to you and smirked. “In fact, last I heard, she’s not anyone’s girl, seems like fair game to me.”

You shook your head at Eddie who’d taken a step back towards Billy in response. ‘Not worth it,’ you mouthed.

So Eddie glared instead, his gaze only softening when he turned back to you one final time. “I’m in the music cabin all day, if you need me,” he said, “and Steve’s gonna be by the pit.”

The rest was unsaid, but understood. Loud and clear. ‘If you need him.’

You didn’t argue, you just nodded.

Billy didn’t speak again until Eddie was out of sight, a few kids racing towards the dock for their swim lessons, for their turn being taught how to control a kayak. He grinned at you as the small stampede started clamouring around him for life jackets.

“We’re gonna have fun together, princess, I can already tell.”

—————

You and Billy, in fact, did not have fun together.

The boy was boorish and mean to the kids, lazy when it came to actually working and he constantly made jokes about letting the campers drown. He spent much of the morning and afternoon on a deck chair, legs spread wide and his eyes closed behind his glasses, his skin growing more tan by the hour.

“Why do you even work here?” You’d eventually snapped at him, exasperated and breaking your vow of silence.

“Money ain’t bad, free food and well, I get to spend my time with you, babe.” He’d winked at you, sliding his glasses down his nose before pushing them back up again.

You somehow managed to stop yourself from kicking his chair into the lake.

The rest of the day went like that, ignoring Billy and the murderous thoughts he invoked, all while attending to the kids and making sure they didn’t swallow too much lake water. And when the session was coming to an end, Lucas had convinced you to jump in too, the water warmed only slightly by the sun, the skies above it turning back to tangerine as evening set in. So you jumped off the end of the dock, sandwiched between kids, El’s hand in your right, Suzie’s in your left.

And when you let the water roll over your head, feet barely touching the bottom, you wondered if you’d be okay soon, if by some miracle, you’d wake up tomorrow and the ache in your chest would have stopped. And if it hadn’t, you wished someone would tell you when. And maybe that same person could tell you what you were gonna do with your life too.

Your hair was still damp when you walked into the mess hall for dinner. Most of the kids were finished, running past you with yelled ‘hello’s’ as they made their way back to their cabins, pockets stuffed with treats they’d no doubt hide for midnight snacking.

One table was still occupied, most of the staff tired and lashing across the benches, just starting their dinner. Steve was between Robin and Eddie, a few slices of pizza on his tray that he didn’t seem interested in. You thought about turning around, going to bed hungry. You thought about being entirely pathetic and sitting at a table all on your own, preferably on the other side of the hall. But Nancy caught your eye and waved you over as Bob handed you your plate with a smile.

It was awful, the way the conversation trailed off as you approached, eyes flicking between you and Steve and back again. But the boy kept his head down, nodding at something Eddie was saying, and Jonathan slid closer to Nancy for you, letting you sit next to him.

“Did we mean to go for a swim or was the idea of a watery demise better than working with Hargrove?” Jonathan joked, his eyes kind as he smiled at you.

You snorted, picking off the greasy pepperoni that dotted your pizza slices, grimacing when Eddie held out his own plate for them. “The kids wanted me to join them,” you explained, “but now that you mention it, lake sludge and the possibility of a leech or two seems better than another day with Billy.”

Robin frowned, concern knitting across her features. Her nose was already a little burnt, her afternoon off spent napping under an old oak tree behind the gym. “He wasn’t too creepy, was he?”

Your eyes met Eddie’s over the table and you shared a look. He shrugged, letting you know he wasn’t going to say anything. Not that it would have mattered, you decided, Steve hadn’t looked up since you sat down, his fingers busy making knots out of a paper straw wrapped.

“Nah, no more than usual,” you assured her.

You took a bite of your pizza, if only for something to do, the awkward quietness making your anxiety gnaw at your chest and your bubbling stomach made you wrinkle your nose at the pools of grease the pepperoni left behind. It seemed more unappealing than usual.

Jonathan noticed. “Oh, here,” he pushed his own tray towards you. “I have Hawaiian leftover if you wanna—”

“She’s allergic to pineapple.”

The voice came before you could speak, ready to explain the same thing. Everyone turned, looking at Steve as he looked at you, a small frown on his face, as if he was annoyed that no one else seemed to know that.

“Oh,” Jonathan looked horrified, quickly pulling the slice away from you. “Shit, m’sorry, I didn’t kn—” he was talking to Steve more than you, because you still hadn’t said anything, too busy looking at Steve with your mouth agape.

But it didn’t seem to matter, ‘cause the boy stood up suddenly, eyes just barely finding yours before he tossed his own tray on top of the trash cans and headed outside. The huge doors slammed shut, echoing in the silence.

No one spoke, glancing between each other and the tabletop as you groaned, your hands covering your face. You weren’t going to cry. You weren’t.

And then, breaking the silence, Robin: “So, we’ll plan a meal schedule then, yeah?”

—————

The first week of camp quickly bled into the second, the days going by slow and lazy by the lake, the older kids happy to be watched diligently as they paddled around on the kayaks. Each boat had been checked over for any cracks and splinters that might’ve occurred the year before. You held a sandcastle competition with the younger group on a hot morning, lakeside in the grainy sand that was more in-depth than you imagined it would’ve been.

You ignored Billy throughout, leaving him on his deck chair with his sunglasses and whistle, pretending you didn’t hear him scoff when Steve walked by, your eyes tracking him with his own group until he disappeared behind some trees or another cabin.

The summer got hotter and you felt lonelier, longing for the familiarity you felt when Steve was nearby. You missed his touch on your back, a hand there when the kids were around, chaste enough that no one squealed and yelled about cooties.

You missed spending nights in his too small bunk, music playing low, feet touching under the sheets.

You missed seeing him across the camp, surrounded by kids who loved him, waiting for him to lift his gaze to yours, ‘cause no matter what, he always seemed to know when you were close. You missed the way that even after two years together, your stomach would dip and swirl when he inevitably winked at you, boyish and charming, a promise of a kiss later when he could get his hands on you.

Now, you either ignored each other or argued with each other, egos in the way, stubbornness winning over silence when you both fell too easily into your old ways. You both found that winning a fight against each other was much harder to do when you couldn’t make the other person concede with a kiss.

But at the end of the second week, a whole new kind of emotion took over when you saw Steve and his group come back from a hike, a smile on his face as he chatted to the camp counsellor next to him.

Strawberry blonde hair, tied up in a bow, pink this time.

Chrissy.

It was awful, watching them together, hands swinging side by side, not touching in the slightest, but far too close to it for your liking. You watched Steve say something, making Chrissy laugh, a musical giggle that had your teeth set on edge. You forgot what you were supposed to be doing, new logs for the fire pit frozen in your stagnant arms. Nancy must’ve noticed, ‘cause she looked up from the pit at you, face screwed up in confusion.

“What’re you doing—? Oh.” She watched your face fall, eyes studying every move as the two led their kids back into camp. “You know it’s not like that, right? Steve and Chrissy… it’s not— it’s nothing.”

You heard none of it, logs clattering to the forest floor, a mumbled excuse to Nancy about how you’d be right back and then you were taking off across the pathways, heading for a cabin that you hoped would be empty. The crafts room luckily was, the door shutting behind you, the tables clean and void of glitter, for once.

[DON’T LEAVE BY FAITHLESS]

You perched there, collecting yourself, wondering once again when it was going to stop fucking hurting so much. But your thoughts weren’t yours for very long, interrupted by the door opening again. You were ready to tell Nancy you were fine, that it was just a headache, a bee sting, anything. But Steve walked in instead, wary as he looked at you.

No one spoke, the silence deafening and the closer Steve moved, the more you could smell his aftershave, the same one still lingering on the sweater he refused to take back. He was more tanned already, cheeks freckled from the sun, flushed from his hike. He was staring at you like a wild animal, scared to get too close.

So he stopped a few feet before you, hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans, the cuffs of them a little dust covered from his hike. He looked good, awfully so, as pretty as the night you left him in his driveway and it fucking ached to look at him.

You wouldn’t cry.

“Uh, Nancy said you were upset.”

You blinked, his voice reverberating through you like a fifty watt amp. You buzzed with it, forgetting what his voice sounded like when he wasn’t yelling, arguing, when he was talking only to you.

You sniffed and lied. “I’m fine.”

Steve knew better than that. He looked like he wanted to come closer, one heel digging into the old carpet, debating on stepping forward. He didn’t. “Look, Chrissy and I—”

“I thought you were supposed to be hiking with Argyle?” You interrupted, unapologetic. You sucked in a breath, heart on your sleeve, openly vulnerable and waiting to be hurt. “The rota said Argyle.”

Steve shrugged, cheeks tinged pink. “Yeah, I was.” He looked at you, eyes nervous. “But Chrissy showed up at the safety meet, said she’d swapped ‘cause she wanted to plan something for a gymnastics competition the day she was scheduled.”

You just stared at the floor.

Steve whispered your name, a crack in the middle of it, his voice awfully familiar. He sounded so much prettier when he wasn’t trying to hurt you. “It’s not like that. It’s not.”

You shrugged, staring at a piece of broken off crayon that had been squished into the floor forever ago, a sickly green that wouldn’t come out. You stared at it until it blurred. “It’s not any of my business, Steve, it’s fine.”

You practically heard the boy frown. “What do you mean it’s not your business, prin— I’m not interested in Chrissy. You’re— we only broke up a couple of weeks ago, I’m not exactly looking for something new.”

It hurt to hear him say it, even though you knew it already. But something about Steve’s words made it seem more real, more final. So you tried to keep your expression neutral as you finally lifted your gaze to meet his.

His jaw was set tight, brows ticking up to meet in the middle, like he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“Are you still going?” You asked, and god, you sounded small, scared. You hated it. “To Arizona. Are you still going?”

Steve nodded, jaw tensing.

Something inside of you shattered all over again. You blew out the breath you’d been holding, smiling tightly, like it hurt to look happy. “Well, don’t let me stop you from another summer fling, like I said, it’s nothing to do with me—”

“Another?” Steve's voice hitched up, confusion and anger leaking in. “What do you mean another? Is that all we were, is that what you think? A two year summer fling? That’s real cute, princess.”

He said the pet name the way he used to, sarcasm mixing with malice, no affection behind it and it made you square your shoulders. It was like a battle call and you were ready for action.

It hurt less to fight.

“I didn’t say that,” you bit back, “don’t twist my words, Harrington.”

Steve’s eyes narrowed. “Is that why you wanted to work with Billy, huh?”

“Oh my god, get real,” you laughed, sliding off of the table so you could shove past the boy. “You really think that little of me?”

Steve’s hand caught your elbow as you tried to head for the door, a touch you knew well. He wasn’t rough about it, but he pulled you back with ease, your body against his as he set you with a look. You knew he was mad, you’d pushed too many buttons and this time, you couldn’t kiss his anger away, you couldn’t push yourself up against him and whisper pretty apologies as you loved on him.

Fuck.

“You started this,” he reminded you, “clearly you think I’m ready to forget all about you and jump into Chrissy’s bunk so don’t—”

You slipped up then, unable to help it, ‘cause Steve was staring at you with hard eyes and all of a sudden you couldn’t help but imagine him with Chrissy in her cabin, the lights off as he pushed her against her desk, moaning when she wrapped her thighs around his hips and gasped out his name…

“Please don’t.” It ripped out of you in a sob, tiny and cracking. You pressed your lips together so no more noises would come out, eyes turning glassy even though you tried to stave off the tears. “Please don’t do that. Don’t jump into someone else’s bunk.”

‘Please don’t forget me,’ is what you really wanted to say. ‘Please don’t forget about us when you leave.’

You felt too warm, exposed, blinking back tears and trying not to show the hurt but it was too late. Steve knew what you meant, read between the lines and watched tears gather at your lash line. You were too stubborn to let them fall but he softened, the anger leaving him in a rush of adrenaline until he felt tired, sore with it.

Steve let your arm go, hand trailing down until fingers brushed your wrist. He stepped back, eyes on the wall behind you, blinking until his own eyes stopped watering.

“I won’t,” he promised, words coming into a soft gasp, like he was shocked that you think he could’ve.

Words unsaid hung in the air, glittering with the dust motes in the sun, slipping between the shadows from the trees across the walls.

I miss you, I’m sorry, don’t leave me, I love you.

You sniffed again, eyes on the floor, shoulder to shoulder with the boy and not wanting to move away. “I have your sweater,” you whispered.

Steve shrugged, wondering if you could hear his pulse, how it seemed to thump in his neck, his chest. It was an awful thing, heartbreak. No one told him it would ache this much to see you, to be so close and not hold you.

The boy’s gaze dropped to your lips, saw the shine there and wondered if you’d still taste like cherries, or if even after so little time, that had changed too.

“S’alright,” he mumbled. “I have an extra one.”

“It’s yours,” you replied, your bottom lip wobbling again. Steve didn’t know how to stop it. He looked away. “I shouldn’t have your stuff anymore.”

He frowned, knowing you were right, hurting all the same. “Did you bring yours?” He knew the answer, knew how you could get disorganised when you packed, bleary eyed in the early morning hour before camp. You shook your head. “Keep it. In case you get cold.”

And then he left.

The second week went by the same, melting into the third with climbing temperatures and the threat of rain that never actually fell. You stayed away from Steve, tried to smile civilly when you did get too close, bumping into each other at mealtimes, on walks with the kids as you passed each other on the trails.

Will Byers was a little taller than last summer, but he still took your hand at the front of the crowd, looking up at you with a sad smile. “My mom always says it gets easier,” he told you, whispering it like a secret. “Eventually, you don’t have to think about it too hard anymore. She says it’s like maths.”

You laughed at that, a watery thing that made you smile and squeeze the boy’s hand. And that night, around the campfire, you snuck him an extra marshmallow for his s’more, winking when he beamed at you.

Even when I lose my mind

The staff party was an impromptu thing, thought of by Jonathan and Argyle, encouraged by Robin, alcohol run courtesy of Eddie and his van.

You hadn’t wanted to go, thinking there couldn’t possibly be anything worse than spending your time off the clock with Steve in a small cabin, or huddled around a fire by the lake. But Robin insisted and the promise of wine lured you in, the idea of numbing the ache that still hadn’t left more inviting by the minute.

Then Nancy was at the cabin door, a staff shirt swapped for one of her boyfriend's sweaters, bottles of wine in her hands. She gave one to Robin, twisted your fingers with her own and then you were being led through the woods, to the split in the shrubs that only the counsellors knew about, the tiny, hidden trail that led to a patch of sand that was far away from the dock and Hopper’s office window.

There was a fire going, a pile of shoes by the rocks, people treading water up to their ankles, music playing from a boombox that crackled with static at the same time the flames popped on the logs.

It was fine until it wasn’t. It was nice until the wine became too much and the lake started to blur with the sky and suddenly, there were stars on the sand, fallen and forgotten and everyone danced over the top of them, left feet tripping over right.

You swayed, head pounding to the beat of the bass and the forest seemed to tilt on an axis as you left your shoes behind and slipped off into the night. You were tired, tongue coated with tequila that Eddie made you shoot with him, stomach swirling with bad beer and jealousy whenever Chrissy wandered close to Steve.

Nothing happened. Just like Steve said. But you wanted to drop yourself in the boy’s lap and press your nose to his neck, find the spot that made his hands grip your waist a little tighter, dozing there until he’d laugh at you, sticky sweet and fond, telling you it was time for bed.

So you took yourself there, unnoticed by the rest of your friends, all of them too busy, too drunk. The shadows between the trees were dark but the lights on each porch led you home, back to your cabin that smelled like lavender body spray and spilled vodka, the raspberry remnants soaked up with a bath towel, forgotten on the floor.

You tripped up on it in your mission to get to your bunk, bare feet cold and hazily. You wondered where your shoes were. But you stripped, struggled with your sleep shorts and dug under your pillow for the sweater you knew you’d folded there.

It was forest green and too big, and it smelled like the boy whose name was stitched on the front. You hiccuped and pulled it on, asking yourself with a mumble, why was the cabin spinning? You thought maybe it was the pizza rolls you had instead of a proper dinner, ‘cause it certainly wasn’t the alcohol.

Of course it wasn’t.

And then, teary eyed and suddenly overwhelmed, you gasped, a heaving breath that stuttered into a sob. You groaned, eyes closing, your head thumping on the cabin wall as you fell back into your pillows. Your stomach gurgled, rolled and dipped.

You absolutely were not going to be sick. You hated being sick.

You were not. Going. To be. Sick.

Your body made a sound of disagreement.

“No,” you whispered to yourself, sitting up to take some deep breaths. It didn’t really help, a too hot flush rushing over your chest and up your neck, settling over your cheeks until it was so warm you were cold. “No, no, no.”

You didn’t really think about how much time had passed since you left the party. It could’ve been twenty minutes, maybe two hours. The night was still dark, with the morning not in sight, the skies above just as inky as before. But when you opened the cabin door, there weren’t any stars on the ground, not anymore.

You didn’t know how long it had been since you left the beach, but you knew it had been five long weeks since you walked away from Steve Harrington and his backyard.

So you went looking for him.

Bare feet, cold and damp in the moss, sticking to the wilder parts of the woods, drunkenly complaining when you stood on something with thorns. You would’ve been a sight, a sure way to receive a warning if found by Hopper or Murray, but you found you didn’t really care. You wondered if the boy was still at the lake, if anyone was.

The moon was still high and the stars were back where they should be but when you stopped too long to look up, the world swayed a little, your stomach jumping with it.

You groaned, mumbling a little about the toadstools by the trees, how you needed to not squish them, ‘cause Argyle would be mad. And then there was a familiar cabin set back from the path, the lights off and cloaked in silence. You walked up the porch steps anyway, remembering to knock, not walk in, even when the alcohol made everything cloudy.

You waited, stomach churning, breath bated, lips turned down into a too dramatic frown, but you had decided you didn’t want to be drunk anymore and you certainly didn’t want to be alone. The silence stretched on, loud enough that it buzzed and you hiccuped again, tummy jumping in protest. You hushed yourself, curling the too long sleeves of the sweater into your fists, ‘cause you decided you needed something to hold onto.

You absolutely were not going to fall.

You wobbled, bare feet standing on top of each other, toes squished, a curse on your lips. Steve opened the door.

He said your name, surprised but warm, fond like he used to, the way you wanted him to. Your gaze shot up, toes forgotten about as you took him in, soft and sleep, hair a riot, chest bare.

“Hi.”

“What’re you doing? Are you okay?” He’d noticed your absence soon after you’d left, your shoes forgotten on the sand. But Robin had disappeared too, so he assumed you’d left together. The lake didn’t hold much interest for him after that. “Is something wrong?”

You wanted to laugh at that, you wanted to tell him everything was wrong.

But instead, you hiccuped, nose wrinkled. “I feel sick.” Another hiccup, a small groan to accompany it. “And I don't wanna be sick.”

Steve frowned, that soft kind of grumpy where his brows crinkled together and he looked at you with too much concern. His hand cupped your elbow, too gentle, like he wasn’t sure if it was allowed. But the world righted itself again with his help and when you stumbled, just a little, Steve sighed.

“Okay,” he said, mostly to himself. “C’mon.”

He led you into his cabin, the space still dark and smelling like boy, like his aftershave and Eddie’s, the tangerine peels that Steve had left at lunch, the cherry twizzlers Eddie stashed in his desk drawers. Steve flicked the lamp on, a flicker that turned into a dim glow, too weak to make your eyes hurt but you squinted anyway.

“I’m gonna be sick,” you complained and you sounded panicked, the floor dipping and tilting as you walked.

Steve’s hands found your shoulders, wide and warm and taking up so much space. He led you to his bed and sat you on the edge, his sheets still warm from where he’d been lying, half asleep and thinking about you.

“You’re not gonna be sick,” he told you, pushing you back until you were comfy, kneeling before you to scrub at your poor, dirty feet with a towel. He fussed, inspecting your soles for injury. “Jesus, you could’ve cut yourself, you dummy.”

“I might be sick,” you replied, morose. “You don’t know that.”

“Yes I do,” Steve huffed back, keeping in the laugh he wanted to let out. “You’re never sick. S’like your superpower.”

You paused, as if remembering. He was right. But still, you felt unsettled, skin too warm and clammy, but the idea of taking off your sweater - Steve’s sweater - wasn’t an option to you. At least, not to drunk you.

You blinked as the boy rolled socks over your feet, too big and sporting a soccer team logo that you hadn’t cared to remember. You wiggled your toes, eyes still a little unfocused.

“S’like I have clown feet,” you murmured and Steve rolled his eyes.

“Alright, stay there.”

He disappeared only to come back seconds later with a bottle of water, not quite ice cold, but cool enough that you chugged it with enthusiasm, gasping when you finished it. You blinked again, lashes fluttering until the cabin came into a clearer view, if only just. Steve was leaning against his desk, arms folded and smiling like he couldn’t help himself.

He’d slipped a t-shirt on when you weren’t looking, a threadbare thing that was stretched out at the collar and you knew from wearing it to bed too often, that there was a hole in the hem. He looked softer than ever, that kind of sleep mussed that you loved, where he looked like summer and Sunday mornings, long lies and breakfast in bed, toothpaste kisses and the promise of a day being lazy.

Your heart hurt as much as your stomach.

“Better?” He asked.

“A little,” you nodded, head feeling too heavy to be on your neck. You slumped, socked feet curling under yourself, your head falling to the foot of Steve’s bed. His sheets smelled like him and you groaned like it was an awful discovery, your eyes closing in protest. “M’sorry.”

Steve didn’t acknowledge your apology, but he did come to sit by you, up by his pillows where he could watch your chest rise and fall, lips parting as tequila flavoured sleep tugged at you.

[COPING ALL ON MY OWN BY BELUGA LAGOON]

“Why’d you come here, princess?”

You were sure you smiled at that, the soft way he said his name for you. Maybe you hid it, maybe Steve didn’t notice. He definitely did. “Didn’t feel well, Stevie.”

“No, I know, but—”

“Wanted to feel better,” you sighed, as if it were obvious. Maybe it was. You yawned, cheek rubbing against the comforter, the cloying, sickly heat you’d once felt slowly disappearing. “So I needed to come see you.”

Steve didn’t say anything. Didn’t think he could, not when his throat felt tight and you were stretching a leg out, bare and with an already bruised knee from doing god knows what. His fingertips brushed over your ankle and he received a soft sigh from you in return, lips curling into a sleep smile as you felt your eyes shut.

“You always make me feel better,” you added, feeling the need to explain.

Steve’s hand wrapped around your ankle then, warm even through his socks. You hummed, a sleepy, upset sound, soft enough that it made Steve’s heart stutter and he clung to you a little tighter.

“M’so sad that you’re leaving, Steve.”

He heard his heart break, he was sure of it, the boy sucking in a breath as he tried not to let his emotions out. It wouldn’t have mattered, you were drowsy, still too drunk, face pushed to his sheets and your foot in his lap. But you didn’t look as peaceful anymore, brows stitched together, lips downturned.

“I don’t want you to leave me.”

The boy sniffed, lips parting with a gasp because he was crying before he realised, silent tears rolling down his cheeks that you couldn’t see and he nodded, swallowing hard to keep himself in check. “I know, princess,” another heaving breath, “I don’t wanna leave you either.”

Your face crumpled a little more then, leg stretching out until your toes dug at the soft of Steve’s stomach and he smiled, watery eyed but just so pleased that you were close. That he could touch you.

“Then why are you?” You asked him, quiet and gentle and so much softer than you’d asked before. There wasn’t any yelling. It felt more dangerous this way. “Why’re you leaving?”

Steve swept a hand up your calf, careful and wary, waiting to see if you shoved him away. You didn’t, you curled into him instead, pushing your leg into his touch, seeking out more and you sighed when he tucked his thumb behind your knee. He drew hearts there, on the sensitive skin, and smiled when you shivered.

“My dad,” Steve explained and his voice sounded a little wrecked, croaking and splintering.

You hummed again, knowing, your eyes still closed as you said, “Don’t tell him, but, I don’t like him that much.”

The boy snorted at your honesty, not seeing much point at reminding you that he was already very aware of that fact. You’d never tried to hide your dislike for the man, speaking politely when spoken to, but keeping it short and civil. You always made a point to place your hand in Steve’s under the table at dinners, squeezing his when his father droned on about futures and business deals and how spending six weeks at a camp in the middle of nowhere didn’t get people places.

“I don’t like him all that much either,” Steve whispered back, like it was all some sort of secret. “In fact, I don’t really like him at all, right now.”

You opened your eyes then, blinking at Steve in the low light. You saw his flushed cheeks, his red rimmed eyes, the tears that he’d not yet managed to swipe away.

“Steve,” you mumbled his name like you were going to cry too, fumbling clumsily to your knees so you could make your way up the bed, letting him catch your hands when you reached for him.

“I’m sorry,” he croaked, not questioning it when you folded yourself into his arms, his face finding the crook of your neck like he always did. Your hands knitted into the mess of his hair and the boy wasn’t sure how someone could feel so happy and so helpless all at once. You were in his lap now, bundled there with his socks and his sweater, smelling like campfire smoke and you. “I’m really fucking sorry, princess. I don’t know if I said that yet.”

You shook your head, tequila and wine colouring your edges but Steve had his arms wrapped around you tight and he still smelled the same, like cedar and mint and sunscreen. “I miss you,” you mumbled, voice wavering as you blinked away tears, not noticing how they fell into his hair anyway. “I really miss you and m’sorry too, I— I don’t know what to do.”

Steve nodded, like he knew what you meant. Maybe he did. Maybe he understood all too well what it was like to feel lost, to be somewhere that felt more like home than his house did, yet still feel like it wasn’t the same as it used to be.

He wrapped his arms around you tighter. He shouldn’t have said it, knowing that tomorrow you’d both wake up and he’d still be leaving for Arizona in less than two months. He shouldn’t have suggested it, even with Eddie’s empty bed, the boy probably passed out in a hot boxed van with Argyle and Jonathan.

He shouldn’t have said it but he did.

“Stay?” His breath stuttered, a messy thing, as he pulled back and gazed at you. He wanted to lean in, rest his head against your own. But that was too much, too dangerous. “Stay tonight?”

He only meant to sleep, to lay next to each other and let the other be held, maybe for one last time. The idea of it stung, but the way you nodded and lay your head against his chest felt better, an overwhelming surge of dopamine that tricked you both into thinking everything would be okay.

Maybe that was just the tequila. Maybe it was just the feeling of being close again.

So he shuffled you both until he was against the pillows and you were against him, legs tangled and head on his chest. You hands made fists in his soft shirt, fingers twisting there like you were scared to let go. Steve thought maybe you were. So held you a little closer, his hand cupping the back of your neck and his nose skimming over your hairline, the closest thing he’d get to kissing you. He couldn’t cross that line, you were both drunk and god, he’d never recover from it.

He wouldn’t be able to leave you if he got to put his lips to yours again.

“Alright?” Steve asked, a whisper that stirred the baby hairs by your forehead and you nodded.

“Feel better now,” you slurred tiredly, nuzzling your cheek against his chest, sleep dragging at you. “…hey, Steve?”

“Yeah?”

“Why didn’t you call me back?”

The boy frowned, wondering what you meant. Call him back? When? When did you call? “What?” He tried to crane his neck to see you, but you’d pushed your face into his shirt, lashes fluttering. “When? What’re you talkin’ about?”

You didn’t answer, breath evening out into soft puff, your body lax against him.

“Princess?”

You were asleep.

—————

You woke up before Steve, slipping out of his arms and his bed before he could wake, the early morning hour and last night's beer keeping him pressed into his pillows, eyes closed, lips parted.

You stood aimlessly in the middle of the cabin for minutes too long, Steve’s socks sliding down your ankles, his sweater smelling like him more than ever.His chest had been pressed to your back all night, his nose buried in your hair. Eddie’s bunk was still empty, a sigh of relief leaving you your lips as you realised that there was one less person to explain to.

Robin was going to have an aneurysm.

Your face crumpled all over again as you watched Steve one last time, heart beating too fast for such an early morning hour. He’d taken to hugging a pillow in your absence, nose pushed into it, eyes closed and lashes fluttering, like he was dreaming. His hair was a mess, wonderfully so, and you fucking ached to run your hands through it, to sooth back the strands that fell across his forehead, to kiss the skin you revealed underneath.

You didn’t. You couldn’t. It would hurt too much.

So you left.

The pain behind your eyes distracted you just enough from the fact you still didn’t have shoes. Steve’s socks gathered pine needles and dirt as you tried to tiptoe down the pathways, hobbling past any particularly muddy areas. The camp was still asleep, only the birds just waking up, that ultraviolet morning light creating navy shadows between the trees, birdsong starting from above the canopy.

You guessed it was about six o’clock, maybe earlier, maybe five. There was no sign of anyone stirring, the curtains in each cabin still closed against the rising sun. So you paused at one of the crossroads, looking left and right as you decided what you wanted to do.

It would be mean to wake Robin, your cabin door far too old and squeaky to allow a silent entrance and honestly, the idea of your own bed didn’t entice you nearly as much as Steve’s had done. You wondered if Bob was in the kitchen yet, if there was food to be scavenged, something that would soak up the tequila and beer that was rolling around in your empty stomach.

Unsure, you headed towards the lakefront instead, socked feet trailing through the damp grass, morning dew collecting at your ankles. You were seriously rethinking your life choices, swiping a hand over your face as you tried to bring yourself back to life. You should go back to your cabin.

You should go back to your cabin and tell Robin you fell asleep in your car, or something, fuck, in a tree, you didn’t care. You should go to bed and sleep it off and never talk about how you ran to Steve Harrington ever again.

He was your ex. He was leaving. You were only going to keep getting hurt.

The other side of your brain told you that it wasn’t his fault, that he was trapped, stuck, as helpless about the situation as you felt. You remembered him telling you that he missed you too and that he was sorry.

There was a really fuzzy recollection of him whispering that he didn’t wanna leave you.

You kicked a stone, groaning through pressed together lips as you realised too late - you still didn’t have any fucking shoes.

“Hawkins.”

Fuck.

Murray stood in neon gym shorts and the most ancient camp staff shirt you’d ever seen, sweatbands around his wrist and his glasses hanging from a beaded chain around his neck. His socks were pulled way too high up his legs but shit, at least he had shoes.

“Murray. Hi,” you waved a little awkwardly, toes pushed together and hands dragging at the hem of the sweater as if you could hide the fact you were wearing sleep shorts and a top that was most definitely not yours. “Nice morning for a run, huh.”

He stared at you blankly, eyes catching your lack of attire. He sighed, turning around and waving for you to follow. “C’mon.”

It was surprisingly easy to follow Murray to the mess hall, his keys clinking together in the quiet as he unlocked the kitchen door. The place was still empty, the metal worktops gleaming, the overhead lights humming to life when they were switched on.

Murray turned to you, shrugging, his arms held out to the full refrigerator, the large cooker, the overflowing pantry. “Pancakes?” He asked and there was a small smile on his face when you nodded.

It was even easier to tell the man everything, perched on a countertop as Murray donned one of Bob’s white aprons, the material tied in a bow over his running shorts. He listened and nodded as you ranted, flipping pancake after pancake, stacking them on the plate beside you, only interrupting to coax them into your hands.

And when you were finished talking and your socks were almost dry, Murray nodded to the fork in your hand, the still full plate of food. “You done?” He asked, not meanly— just, well, just like Murray. You huffed, nodding. “Good, eat.”

So you did as you were told, dipping your breakfast into the puddle of syrup, eyes closing briefly as you chewed, the hit of sugar helping the impending hangover. You both ate in silence, Murray leaning against the kitchen sink and when you were both done, he handed you a large glass of water and waited until you drained the last drop from it.

“So, you want my advice?”

You stared at the man, unsure. Did you?

“Couldn’t hurt, right?” You shrugged, defeated and tired. It couldn’t ache anymore than your head, or the hole in your heart. “Lay it on me.”

Murray smiled and shook his head, rinsing off the dishes as he spoke. He was serious about it, surprisingly so, his voice losing that usual sarcastic cadence, his gaze set on the sticky plates before him.

“You love him, right? You don’t have to answer that. It’s fairly clear to see.” Murray sighed, like telling you this was tiring, like this was all old information. “And he loves you - that’s even more obvious. And I don’t know a lot about what you guys get up to back at home but… I’ve met Steve’s dad before.”

You frowned, confused. “You have?”

“Years ago,” Murray noted. “Think it was Steve’s last year as a camper. Think he’d come second in the relay race or the boat contest, or something. Anyway, before pick up, we did an award ceremony. Steve came up, got his little plastic medal, waved out to the crowd. His parents were actually there - usually it was some nanny in a black car, y’know?”

You did know. You’d see the same woman at school, handing Steve his backpack and lunch, kissing the spot on the crown of his head where his mom should have.

“Kid was proud as punch. Ran over to his parents waving this stupid medal around. His mom gave him a hug. His dad saw that that little piece of plastic was silver and not gold, and well…” Murray trailed off, a furrow between his brow as he remembered. “I think the chief had to go over and remind Mr Harrington that it wasn’t the time for a family dispute. And that his son had worked hard and was a damn good kid.”

It sounded so familiar, so much so that it hurt. You’d seen that kind of thing before, even now when Steve stood as tall as his dad. “What did his dad say?” You asked, not really wanting to know the answer.

Murray turned and smiled at you, but it was sad, coloured blue by the story, the memory. He wiped his hands on a towel and sighed. “He said he wasn’t interested in a second rate kid. That Harrington’s were winners.”

You didn’t say anything, you didn’t need to. You were left with the stickiness of maple syrup on your fingertips, on the flat of your tongue, but something still tasted bitter, a sensation that made you wrinkle your nose and frown.

It tasted like guilt.

Tell me that I'm all you want

You didn’t see Steve for the rest of the day. In fact, you didn’t see him until the next afternoon, late into the Sunday, once the sky was pink and purple and the kids were eating s’mores around the fire.

You felt awful for leaving him in his bed alone, the covers thrown back where you’d slipped from his side and snuck out the door. Murray’s words had only made you feel worse as the hours stretched on, but you had convinced yourself it was the hangover, the sour taste of last night's beer. And when Robin had finally cornered you, you avoided her gaze and her questions, letting her shake her head and tut at you until the bell for dinner rang.

And the next day went the same, turning corners and weaving through woodland paths in the hopes that Steve wasn’t around the corner. Because you didn’t know what to say, you didn’t know how to fix it. Maybe he wouldn’t be mad, maybe it didn’t really matter - because he was still leaving, right? This didn’t make a difference, did it?

But then you saw him by the fire pit, head and shoulders taller than even the oldest of the kids, handing out Graham crackers and telling Max she wasn’t allowed to play with the fire. You caught his eye without meaning to, unable to pull your gaze away and you thought about smiling, you thought about going over, you thought about saying sorry.

For everything. For all of it.

Until Steve’s pretty face contorted into a scowl, his eyes narrowing into a glare that you hadn’t seen directed at you in years. He looked pissed. Worse, he looked hurt. But he was doing his damn best to cover that upset with anger, lips curling at you until you glared right back.

“Jeez, did we travel back in time?” Mike Wheeler appeared at your elbow, his hand held out for the giant marshmallows you were supposed to be handing out to your group. “Why do you and Steve hate each other? Again?”

“That’s none of your business, Wheeler,” you replied witheringly, making sure you squished his marshmallow as you handed it to him.

“They don’t hate each other,” Dustin materialised at your other side, melted mallow dripping down his fingers, sticky sugar coating his hand. He looked up at you from under his curls, wide eyed and earnest. “Right?”

You looked down at the boy with sad eyes, a smile that was even sadder. You shrugged and pulled at a curl, watching as it bounced back. “Right,” you told him, even if you weren’t sure you believed it yourself.

“My mom says that all couples go through their differences,” Suzie joined your group, two sticks at the ready, waiting to spear her marshmallows on for roasting. She grinned at you toothily, one missing after an incident with Max and a dodgeball. “She said it’s normal. But then she drinks a lot of wine and sleeps a lot so she forgets in the morning.”

You didn’t really know what to say to that, so you stared at Suzie with a strained smile and nodded anyway. “Sure, exactly. Yeah.”

“I heard Steve’s moving away,” Mike chipped in again, blissfully ignorant to the way your frown returned at his words. “Will he work at a new camp in Arizona?”

“What?” Dustin was aghast, chocolate dripping to the forest floor without him realising. “No! He can’t!” He spun back to look at you, as if you could fix it all. You wish you could’ve. “He can’t, right?”

You didn’t answer. Instead, you stood amongst the kids and stared at Steve through the crowd. He wasn’t smiling, shoulder to shoulder with Eddie as they continued to hand out snacks, and whenever the boy looked up and caught your gaze, the furrow between his brows reappeared. You thought about Steve in a new state, across the country in a dorm room that had a bed you’d never sleep in, one that was open to other girls, girls you’d never know about.

Maybe there would be another camp, there’d certainly be another job. And there would be classes and lectures, campus coffee shops and student bars, all overflowing with new people to meet. Maybe Steve would find someone there, someone he didn’t hate at first, someone who he could flirt with, someone who didn’t know about his parents, his past, his daddy’s influence.

Maybe he’d be happier there. Without you.

Dustin was still looking at you, waiting for a response. You tried to smile, you did. But it was tight and watery, and not believable at all. “I don’t know, bud,” you shrugged. “It’s… whatever.”

If Steve could decide that he didn’t care anymore, that he could go back to glaring at you across the forest, you could too. What did he expect you to do? Wake up in his arms and suddenly decide that you were okay with moving to another state? That you were happy to obey his fathers orders, just like he was?

It didn’t make a difference. Nothing would change. It didn’t matter. If Steve wanted to play enemies again, fine. You’d give as good as he did.

—————

When Dustin and El found you later that day, you were glad for the distraction. The lake had been quiet after swimming classes, the forest shrouded in shadows after heavy clouds rolled in, hiding the sun. The two had run towards you from the centre of camp, sneakers kicking up dust as you watched them, ignoring how Billy was trying to edge closer, fingers teasing at the straps of your swimsuit.

You’d told him to leave you alone, you’d told him to fuck off. You’d even tried to ignore him. Every option only made the boy grin wider. So you left your post on the dock and made your way towards the kids, smiling up until you saw their worried faces, panic in their eyes. You moved faster, meeting them by the shoreline, concern growing like a knot in your stomach.

“What’s wrong?” You asked, already searching over their heads for some kind of danger, for an emergency.

“Will needs help!” Dustin urged as El grabbed your hand, tugging at you, waiting for you to follow.

“What? What’s wrong? Where is he?” You were already running with them, following them past the mess hall, past the gym, towards where the cabins grew older, damp and unused, overgrown with vines and weeds.

“Uh, an allergic reaction!” Dustin yelled.

“Asthma attack!” El told you at the same time.

You slowed, just a little, your pace stumbling at each answer. You looked down at the girl, her flushed cheeks and wide eyes, wondering if you’d heard them both right. “Wait, wha—?” But then Dustin was grabbing your other hand and pulling you with determination, feet tripping over fallen branches until a cabin came into view.

Lucas and Max were standing outside of it, waving their arms like they were trying to flag you down, as if you could miss them.

“He’s in here!” Lucas told you, worried scrambled with what you thought was panic. “We think it’s a snake bite. Maybe a tarantula!”

Again, you stopped, looking between the four kids with confusion wrinkling your features. “What? A tarantula? Guys— shouldn’t we get Hopper? Someone needs to—”

“Mike and Suzie are getting him,” Max assured you, smiling too sweetly as Lucas and El placed their hands on your back, pushing you towards the door.

The cabin was dark, most of the windows boarded up, broken glass on the forest floor. Why the fuck was Will in there? Before you could ask, you were shoved one final time, the door slamming shut behind you. You made a sound of protest, turning to wiggle the handle but it was already locked.

“Guys! What the hell!” You thumped on the door with a fist, rattling the wood until the old hinges squeaked in protest. It wouldn’t budge. “Are you kidding me?”

There was nothing but the sound of birds, insects that buzzed and the distant sound of kids on the lake. “Guys! Dustin! I swear to god, you’re gonna be in so much trouble. I know this was your idea—”

The rusting of leaves, a twig snapping and then more voices. Hushed whispers that were interjected with another voice, an older one.

Male and annoyed.

No.

The cabin door opened abruptly and before you could barge your way out, another body was shoved inside, clumsy and disorientated. The figure was tall, broad shouldered and wearing a camp counsellor shirt, the forest green cotton sun bleached and faded. The boy’s hair was a mess, his cheeks already freckled from the sun, his brown eyes squinting into the dim light as he adjusted out of the sun.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me.”

“What the fuck?” Steve stood in the middle of the empty cabin, scowling at you even through his confusion. But the door had already been slammed shut again, the metallic clunk of a deadbolt sliding into place. “What’s going on? Those little shits told me they found a fucking bear cub.”

You rolled your eyes, stomping over to the door to bang on it again. “There’s no bears in Indiana, Steve, we’ve been over this.” You huffed when Steve swore and suddenly the cabin felt five times as small. “Dustin! Max!”

Silence.

“Then how’d they get you here, huh?” Steve spat, marching over to one of the boarded windows, doing his best to push the planks free of the rusted nails. “Did they tell you Hargrove was wet and waiting or something?”

You stared at him, gaze withering as you attempted to ram your shoulder into the door. It did nothing but bruise your arm and your ego, the wood refusing to move. “Get over yourself, Steve. Just because you’re happy to let Chrissy follow you around with her pom-poms out, doesn’t mean I’m ready to jump the next guy I see. Lucas! I know you’re still there! El, open the door!”

The space outside the cabin was silent and for a horrified second, you were almost sure the kids had left.

“I told you, it’s not like that,” Steve growled, slamming his palm into the board one more time.

“Yeah, well, despite me being repulsed by Billy Hargrove for the last five years, you don’t seem to get that it’s not like that either,” your voice was poisonous, your glare just as deadly. “So let’s not play that game, Harrington.”

Steve let out a bitter laugh, forgetting about his escape plan to round on you instead. “Oh, so it’s Harrington again, is it?”

[EXILE BY TAYLOR SWIFT FT. BON IVER]

It felt awfully familiar, the sharpness in his tone, the mocking laughter, the way he glared at you. ‘Cause despite the anger, the annoyance, the frustration, a tension was still there that you’d recognised from your first year at camp with Steve.

A feeling that followed you home to Hawkins, one that greeted you every time you bumped into the boy in the supermarket, every time you spotted him at the pool, the arcade, the bowling alley. A tension that fizzed and popped, your own personal storm that crackled everytime Steve Harrington was near.

Except now - just like the beginning - you weren’t able to do anything about it.

“I can think of names that are a lot less nice than that,” you snapped back, turning away from the door to face him. “Take your pick, I’d be happy to oblige.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you would, princess,” Steve was closer now, toe to toe, another achingly familiar position. You could smell his cologne, his sunscreen. You could see the way new freckles had gathered across the bridge of his nose. “No need to get bitchy about it though.”

All thoughts of kissing him, of lunging forward and pushing your lips to his to try and end this mess - to fix it - left your head at his words. You gaped at him, anger rising, blood boiling. Steve looked at you like he knew he’d overstepped.

“Bitchy?” You repeated, your voice getting higher in pitch and volume. “About it? It?”

“I didn’t mean it like that—”

“What’s ‘it’ Steve?” You steamrolled him, arms crossed over your chest as you took another step forward, your converse kicking at the toes of his sneakers. “Our breakup? I'm not to get bitchy about that?”

“Hey, you’re the one who broke up with me,” Steve shot back, an accusatory finger pointed in your direction. “So don’t act all high and mighty about it.”

“I broke up with you?” You scoffed, letting the annoyance buzz at your skin like a swarm of wasps, anything to stop yourself from crying. “You’re leaving, Steve. You’re leaving me, remember?”

“You left me the other night!” Steve burst out, throwing back his response like it was suddenly a competition, a contest to see who hurt the other more. To see who’s heart was the most broken. “You left. I woke up, and you were fucking gone, so don’t start yelling about being left alone.”

You weren’t sure who was winning.

“You’re moving across the fucking country!” You yelled, finally snapping, tears stinging at the corners of your eyes. “You’re really, really leaving me.”

You took a step back then, and another and another, clumsy through the cabin until your back hit a table. Steve’s hand twitched at his side, like he wanted to reach out, like he wanted you to hold onto it. He didn’t move.

“What do you want me to do?” Steve said, his voice more serious than you’d ever heard it. In fact, he sounded a little like his dad. “You want me to say no to him? Huh? D’you want me to say fuck it to the last opportunity I’ll probably ever get? Want me to stay unsuccessful with a shit job and a shit wage and just hope one day I can do enough for you? For us?”

Your eyes turned watery at that, despite the anger his words ignited in you, the frustration. “You’ve always been enough for me, Steve.”

The boy came closer then, like he’d wanted to. His footsteps were unsure, nervous and slow, but when he realised you weren’t backing away, you weren’t running, he was suddenly toe to toe. He was taller, tall enough for you to have to tilt your chin up to meet his gaze and you didn’t try to hide your tears. You held your head proud instead, refusing to look away. Your stubbornness made the boy smile, a little knowing, a little sad. ‘Cause he wanted to wipe your eyes, sweep his thumb under your lash line and pull you close.

“So what do I do, princess? Rip up the acceptance letter and mail the pieces to my dad? Hope he doesn’t kick me out of the family? Hope I have a bed to go back to? Do I get down on my knees for you here? Do I beg for you? Do I ask you to be mine again and hope to fuck that what ever comes next works out for us? Do I go back to Family Video and wait for you to work out what you wanna do with your life too?”

Steve wasn’t teary eyed like you were, but his expression seemed worse. His brows knitted together, his gaze helpless, sad, worried. But his hands were frantic, suddenly on your waist and pulling you close, chests bumping, his fingers twisting into your shirt.

“Do I kiss you now? Do I fuck you over this table and call you princess? Tell you that-- that,” Steve choked on his words, shaking his head at you like you were the one asking for him to say it. To admit it. “To tell you that I love you and it’s gonna be fine no matter what?”

You could help but feel the pull in your stomach at his words, the hook there that seemed to be tied to the way Steve kept his hands on you, your body pressed against his. He leaned in and you kept your eyes on his, noses bumping, lips hovering. It seemed so long since you’d last kissed him, years and years and years. You wondered what would happen if you gave in, if you pushed yourself onto your toes and pressed your mouth to his. Would it fix things? Would it change his mind, would it change yours? Would it make you feel better, even just for a second?

“Are you happy?” you asked the boy instead and you watched his bravado crumble in front of your eyes. “Are you happy about Arizona? About college? About finance and your future and leaving?”

Steve let go of you and stepped back, his warmth and the smell of his cologne fading. You should’ve stopped talking, you should’ve pulled him back and kissed him one last time, let him pull off your clothes, clumsy and desperate, you should’ve begged for him to make you come one last time, you should’ve made him feel so good that he’d never forget the way you felt wrapped around him.

“Would you be happy if I came with you? If I let your dad buy us some condo in Phoenix? If I went to college too, to study a major I didn’t want? Maybe get a job in an office where I gotta wear some tight, little pencil skirt and too high heels, but shit, it’s good money, right?” You were breathing harder now, trying not to cry, trying not to give in and say fuck it to all of it. “Would that make you happy, Steve?”

‘No,’ he wanted to say. ‘No it wouldn’t.’ He wanted to tell you that he wanted none of that, that none of that would make him feel any better. He wanted to yell out and kick the wall, kick the door. He wanted to grab you and pull you close, ask you to kiss him until he felt better, until he had enough courage to tell his dad that he wasn’t fucking following his rules. Until he felt brave enough to take your hand and let the pieces fall where they may.

Instead, he turned and made his way to the door, opening it easily, like the kids had heard enough and realised that this wasn’t going to work. Steve stopped then, his back to you as he paused in the doorframe, the forest empty and quiet before him. Like it was waiting for him, like you were.

“I don’t know what you want me to do,” Steve murmured sadly. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

“I just want you to be happy, Steve,” you whispered back. “I want you to do what makes you happy.”

Steve walked away.

—————

Steve didn’t know where he was going, just that he needed to get away from the cabin, from you, from the way you looked at him, the way you sounded. Like you were broken and hurt and it was all his fault.

Like he couldn’t do anything about it.

He passed the kids who were lingering by a broken log, kicking stones and looking guilty. Steve didn’t say anything, just tried to smile a little sadly at Dustin when he mouthed an apology, eyes wide and sad.

The wild roots and the overgrown bushes eventually gave way back to the normality of the camp, well worn pathways and the sounds of the lake. If you’d followed him, Steve didn’t know, he didn’t hear, he didn’t look back. His father’s voice was in his head, an echo from weeks before, a mantra about what it took to become a man, six figure paychecks and the white picket fence dream.

He didn’t want to go to Arizona. He didn’t want to leave you.

Steve kept walking.

A fast car, an office with a view, a mahogany desk, a custom leather briefcase, a pretty wife and a prettier secretary. Kids you didn’t talk to, a cheque book you could bargain with, a house that was bigger than your neighbours, a pool out back that was deeper than everyone else’s.

Steve kept walking.

A promotion, golf on the weekends with your boss, business cards with your name embossed in gold. Arguments at Christmas, couples therapy on your tenth wedding anniversary, a secret email address for the woman nobody knew about.

Steve kept walking.

A life like his dad’s, his parent’s.

“Is that you, Harrington?”

Steve groaned, turning to see Billy walking up the dock and towards him. The kids in Billy’s swim group were just leaving, variations of soaking wet and shivering as they all ran past Steve with towels bundled around their shoulders, greeting him with enthusiasm.

“Yeah, it’s me,” Steve huffed, levelling the other boy with a glare that told the other counsellor that he was less than pleased to see him. Steve waited until the last camper ran past them, stumbling towards the mess hall with wet feet. “Don’t cream your pants.”

Billy grinned, that wide spreading smile that made him look more dangerous rather than friendly. He was spinning his whistle from one finger, shirtless and tanned, sauntering towards Steve like he had all the time in the world. “I’ll try not to,” he snarked, eyebrows raised. “But word on the street is you’re the one who’s not gettin’ any.”

“Get fucked, Hargrove,” Steve snarled, immediately on edge, shouldering his way past the other boy so he could continue walking to god knows where. Maybe he’d find Eddie. Maybe he’d let him sulk in the corner of the music cabin.

“Always trying,” Billy answered gleefully, ignoring Steve’s bad mood. “What about your girl?”

Steve stopped.

“My bad, she’s not your girl anymore, is she?” Steve didn’t need to turn back around to know Billy was still grinning. He could hear the laughter in his voice, the pleasure at his twisted words. “Either way, I’m pretty sure she’ll be gagging for it by now, right? You guys were always at it. In the gym, your cabin, fuck— I bet she’ll jump on the next guy who offers—”

If Steve was surprised he let Billy talk that long before launching himself at him, well, so was Billy. Steve’s fist landed on the other boy’s jaw with a crunch, a satisfyingly, sickening noise that only urged Steve on. He managed to grapple at the boy pushing him over until Billy tumbled into the dirt, skin smeared with wet sand and pine needles.

It didn’t take much for Steve to land on top of him, anger and frustration coming out as quickly as the blood from his knuckles. He managed to aim one more blow at Billy’s nose before the boy pushed him back, the breath knocked from Steve’s lungs as a fist caught his cheekbone, a crack resonating through his face, making his head buzz, his ears ring. He let out a yell as he tried to bring his knee up, catching Billy in the groin with it, pushing him back even as Billy tried his best to push Steve’s head into the forest floor, pine cones piercing his shoulders, his neck, his cheek.

And then the pressure was lifted from his chest as Billy was hauled away, tattooed arms lifting the boy off of Steve, Eddie yelling obscenities as Billy thrashed.

Steve scrambled up, launching himself forward without a care, ignoring Eddie’s warnings as he raised his arm again to try and land another hit but Jonathan caught his wrist, wrenching him backwards.

“Fuck, man. Let it go, yeah?”

Steve was panting, blood on his knuckles, a split in his cheek that was angry and red, pine needles and sand on his shirt and in his hair. “You didn’t hear what he was saying,” the boy managed to ground out. “What he was sayin’ about, about—”

“She’s not your fucking girl, Harrington,” Billy yelled, cursing when Eddie elbowed him in the side, never letting go of the hold he had on him. “The only person you’re gettin’ fucked by now is your daddy—”

Steve managed one more hit, a crack to Billy’s nose that Eddie winced at but said nothing. Unfortunately, Hopper had a lot to add to the conversation as he marched towards the group, yelling before he was even within hearing distance, moustache twitching as the campers that Steve didn’t even see, parted as he got closer.

“Harrington! Hargrove!”

Eddie and Jonathan stepped back from the accused, hands raised to show their intact knuckles, how their hands were clean, not bloodied.

“My office! Now!”

—————

Eddie jumped up from where he was lying on his bunk when Steve finally entered the cabin. The boy was flustered looking, knuckles wiped clean of blood but the cuts on his fingers and face were angry looking, red and fresh.

Hours had passed since Hopper had led the two boys into his office, both covered in blood and pieces of the forest floor, glaring at each other as they walked into the cabin.

Steve stripped off his dirty shirt as Eddie eyed him warily, dropping the comic he’d been reading in order to sit at the end of his bed and wait. When Steve finally pulled on a clean staff shirt and sighed, Eddie threw him an ice pack that he’d managed to wrangle from Joyce’s office.

“Did he fire you?”

“He offered me a job.”

Eddie blinked. “What?”

Steve groaned, letting himself fall onto the bed, his hands scrubbing at his face, hissing when he caught the Billy inflicted cut on his cheekbone. “He offered me a fucking job, dude. Didn’t even yell.”

“Like, a new job? An actual job?” Eddie moved to the end of Steve’s bed, shoving at his friend's legs until there was enough room for him to sit. “What the fuck?”

“He dealt with Hargrove and told him to walk it off,” Steve murmured, wincing when he brought the ice pack to his face. “Then he sat me down and asked me what the fuck I was playing at. He wasn’t even mad about the fight, he told me he’d heard about Arizona—‘bout my dad.”

Eddie just waited, breath held as he wondered where this was going, if Steve was going to crack.

“He said it was a real shame I wouldn’t be back next summer and that it was an even bigger crime that I was listening to Michael Harrington.”

Eddie’s mouth fell open and he picked at the bedspread, suddenly feeling awkward. “Shit.”

“Yeah,” Steve agreed. “Shit. Told me he knew my dad from school, apparently they played football together or somethin’. Said he was sad that I was doing something I didn’t wanna do.”

Eddie paused then, waiting. Waiting for Steve to admit it to him the same way he’d get to admit it to himself. “What did you say?”

“Nothing at first.” Steve shrugged. “But he sat and stared me out like some kinda cop and fuck, I dunno. I started rambling.”

With raised brows and an expectant expression, Eddie waved his hand at the boy. “About?”

Steve squirmed, pink cheeked and embarrassed. He stared at the bedsheets, shrugging. “Everything, I guess. Anyway, he said he and Murray have been planning to open this kids club thing for a while, some kind of community centre. S’open seven days a week, all through the year. Not just summer.”

Steve stood up then, pacing, his hand going to his hair to pull ag the strands and Eddie had to turn to watch him, up and down, up and down the cabin.

“He wants me to run it.”

“Shit,” Eddie was quiet, shocked.

“Shit,” Steve agreed.

“Like, a manager?”

“Yeah, like a manager. Full time.” Steve let out another sigh and he sounded tense. Stressed. “It’s in Shelbyville.”

Eddie let out a low whistle, flopping back onto the space Steve had vacated. His head hit the pillows and he smiled, unable to help himself. “That’s near Hawkins, right?”

“‘Bout a half hour out,” Steve confirmed.

“Hell of a lot closer than Arizona, huh?”

“Yeah, sure is.”

“So, he offered you it, just like that?” Eddie snapped his fingers and stared at the beams across the ceiling, not sure how far he could push Steve. “No degree needed?”

“No degree needed,” Steve repeated. He sounded dazed. “Good pay, healthcare, dental, pension. Everything. Hop said he thought I’d be really good at it. That he couldn’t imagine asking anyone else.”

Steve didn’t say anything about how his manager’s words made him realise that his dad didn’t know him at all. Less than he’d originally thought.

Silence took over, just for a few minutes and Steve did the same as Eddie, flopping down onto the other bunk with a soft ‘oof’, his arms stretched out the mattress and his eyes trained on the ceiling. In the quiet, he could hear the kids by the lake, wrestled into order by another staff member, someone who sounded like Nancy. A whistle blew, shrill and sharp and then splashes, happy shrieks. Steve lay until the sun warmed his face, until he had to squint and sit up, the cabin filled with that golden kind of light that only appeared around dinner time.

The same light hit off Eddie’s rings, silver turning even brighter and rainbows bounced off of them, tiny and scattering across the walls when Eddie moved. He sat up when Steve did, both boys peach and pink coloured in the sun.

“So, what’re you gonna do?” Eddie finally asked. He said it softly, like he was scared to ask, like he wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer.

“I’m not sure,” Steve replied honestly and he didn’t try to hide the distress on his features. He felt tired, too heavy. A little lost. “But I don’t want to fucking go to Arizona.”

PART TWO

#steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington fic #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington smut #steve harrington x reader smut #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington blurb #steve harrington one shot

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w2nv · 9 months

Text

EVERY EPISODE SO FAR THAT DOESNT END WITH “GOODNIGHT, NIGHT VALE. GOODNIGHT”

SO I finished the list today! This list includes any variation of the phrase, episodes where he just doesn’t say it although present, and episode where he doesn’t say it because he’s not present. I decided to mark colour code them as a result!

• variation, • no goodnight, • no Cecil

Before I start:

I did not include extra episodes like snippets from the lives shows and such.

For the quotes here I only took the final phrase. So anything that breaks the usual scheme like a lack of “stay tuned next” or any lengthy monologue about anything relating to the goodnight phrase, I didn’t quote

I’m thinking about making a video compilation later on but for now I DONT have the space to dowload all these episodes so this will do for now!

If I missed any, lmk!

———————————————————————————

• 1 — Pilot

Good night, listeners. Good night.

• 2 — Glow Cloud

Good night, listeners. Good night.

• 3 — Station Management

Good night, Night Vale. And goodbye.

• 4 — PTA Meeting

Good night, listeners. Good night.

• 5 — The Shape in Grove Park

Good night, listeners. Good night.

• 6 — The Drawbridge

Buenas noches, Night Vale. Good night.

• 7 — History Week

And, from this moment in history, the one that’s happening right now, good night.

• 8 — The lights in Radon Canyon

It is a good night, listeners. Good night.

• 9 — “PYRAMID”

Speaking of the nighttime, I truly hope you have a good one, Night Vale. Goodnight.

• 10 — Feral Dogs

Get your sleep, Night Vale. And don’t forget to dream. Good Night.

• 14 — The Man in the Tan Jacket

Good night, Night Vale. Be alert, and write down everything you cannot comprehend. Until next time.

• 15 — Street Cleaning Day

Good night. Good night. Good night.

• 19B — The sandstorm

Kevin: Until next time, Desert Bluffs, Until next time.

• 46 — Parade day

And until next time, Good Night, Night Va- Hey. Hey. No. What are you-

• 47 — Company Picnic

Kevin: And, as always, until next time, Greater Desert Bluffs Metropolitan Area. Until next time.

• 49A — Old Oak Doors (Part A)

Listeners, there is someone knocking on my station door, which must mean…Carlos? Carlos, is that you? Come in, and welcome home, my sweet Car…

• 53 — The September Monologues

Well, that's it for the September Monologues. We've said so much. What more is there to say?

• 65 — Voicemails

Kevin: Until next time, Cecil. Until next time.

• 67 — [Best Of?]

Leonard Burton: And as always "See ya, Night Vale. See ya."

• 70A — Taking Off

Kevin: Until next time, new Desert Bluffs, until next time. Oh. Oh no. This is so sad. No. I don’t like this. I am sad. No. No.

• 85 — The April Monologues

And so we reach the end of the April Monologues. There is much that could be said. I will say none of it.

• 86 — Standing and Breathing

Good night, Night Vale. (Maybe lock those windows too.) Good night.

• 87 — The Trial of Hiram McDaniels

Good night. I guess.

• 88 — Things Fall Apart

Hello? [very faint breathing] Hello? [very faint breathing] Who is this? [distant dog bark]

• 89 — Who’s a good boy? (Part 1)

“I want nothing, Cecil. Nothing at all. And I will have it.” Huff huff huff. Huff huff Huff.

• 94 — All Right

All right Night Vale. Good night.

• 98 — Flight

Good night.

• 100 — Toast

Good night, Night Vale, and every person who can hear my voice. Good night.

• 101 — Guidelines for Retrieval

Happy purging, Night Vale. And goodnight.

• 104 — The Hierarchy of Angels

Good night, Night Vale. Josie was beautiful. And angels are real. Good night.

• 109 — A Story About Huntokar

Huntokar: Good night, my Night Vale. Good night.

• 111 — Summer 2017, Night Vale, USA

Good night, listeners. Good night.

• 113 — Niecelet

Any second now. Any second. Any... second.

• 120 — All Smiles’ Eve

Lauren: Good night, Kevin. And good night, Desert Bluffs Too.

Kevin: Good night.

• 128 — A Matter of Blood (Part 2)

Oh god, it’s here.

• 133 — Are You Sure?

Is this the first time you’ve heard me say this? Are you sure? Welcome to Night Vale.

• 135 — The Mudstone Abyss (Part 1)

Kevin: Until next time, Desert Bluffs, Until next time.

• 136 — The Mudstone Abyss (Part 2)

Charles: Kevin. I. Handlebar cereal, okay? Handlebar cereal.

VM: End of message.

• 137 — The Mudstone Abyss (Part 3)

Kevin: Until next time, Desert Bluffs, Until next time.

• 148 — The Broadcaster

Leonard Burton: And until tomorrow, "See ya, Night Vale. See ya."

• 156 — The Trouble with Time

Listeners. I must go. I must talk to my husband. We can be together forever, don’t you see? A new world awaits us in the future. I must talk to Carlos. I must.

• 157 — The Promise of Time

Kasper: Believe in a smiling god, buddy. Believe in a smiling god.

• 164 — The Faceless Old Woman (Live)

FOW: And I will be seeing you very, very… soon.

• 171 — Go To The Mirror?

Won’t you have a good night, Night Vale? Won’t you have a good night?

• 175 — The October Monologues

And as the leaves are done, so are the October Monologues. All that can be said has been said. And all that can be said will be said again.

• 177 — Bloody Laws, Bloody Claws: The Murder of Frank Chen

That about does it for me, Night Vale. That about does it for me.

• 195 — Silas the Thief (Part 1)

Silas: And my name is Silas. Not Khoshekh. Okay? Okay.

• 196 — Silas the Thief (Part 2)

And one I have to consider. Am I Khoshekh? I don’t know if I’m ready to admit that just yet.

• 199 — Guidelines for Retrieval

Happy hoarding, Night Vale. Goodnight.

• 200 — Susan Willman Comes Clean

Susan Willman: So let me begin. This is a story about Huntokar, said a voice on the radio. A voice you had never heard before, though she has been speaking to you your whole life.

• 203 — The Kareem Nazari Show

Kareem: Again, really sorry. Uh, so… Take care. I guess.

• 216 — The Ball Is Where The Win Is

Steve: You have already made me so proud

• 221 — The Glow Cloud, Explained

All Hail, Night Vale. All Hail.

• 227 — A Word With Dr. Jones

Lubelle: Show over, Night Vale. Show over.

• 230 — Carlos, Explained

Good night, my Night Vale restored. Good night.

• 237 — Frown Night

Kevin: Until next time, Desert Bluffs Too, Until next time.

• 239 — Sister Cities: Vermillion Falls

Frank Luna: Good evening, Vermillion Falls. Good evening.

• 240 — He Is Holding a Knife

He is holding a knife. He takes the knife, and sets it against the microphone cord. And with one smooth and easy motion, he cuts the co-

• 249 – Rifts

I would say good night, Night Vale…But if a tree falls in the forest, you know?

#in other news #welcome to night vale #welcome to nightvale #wtnv podcast

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bluebelly-sun-serpentine · 24 days

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August 28th, 2024

A couple days ago a fire started on the ridge above the big grove of eucalypts (picture number 4). Thankfully it was spotted quickly, a mild wind was blowing in the opposite direction, it had recently rained, and wildfire response resources were not deployed elsewhere; I watched the water tankers hovering over the spot for a while, grateful for everything, but especially for the fact that fire prefers to go up hill rather than down, and that this fire started in the ridge rather than the canyon. Eucalypts are not native to my area, and greatly increase the risk of out-of-control wildfires. They drop a ton of highly-flammable litter – tannin rich leaves that also leave an acidic, nutrient-poor soil few other plants can survive. So most of what's down in that grove is (also highly flammable) poison oak. Worse, if fire reaches the overstory, the whole thing can go up in what is basically one big explosion.

What you can see peeking through the afternoon fog in the first picture is over a century of cow-forward fire suppression; non-native grasses on (what is now public) land grazed by privately owned cows (damaging the watershed and increasing the risk of catastrophic fire in the long run). What you see in the bottom photo is an example of a more modern form of fire suppression: fire goats raised a couple counties away are hired to graze this field and clear small growth (mostly poison oak, since that's the most opportunistic plant around) annually in mid-summer, and it's mowed somewhat regularly. There have been attempts to thin or remove the eucalypts in the canyon entirely, but they are stubborn resprouters and starting from scratch poses its own dangers.

I think it's unlikely there won't be a catastrophic fire here in the next 50 years. There's just too much fuel. We just need an unseasonable lightning storm, a bad fire season with first responders deployed elsewhere, reckless smokers in the gully at night with the winds blowing west. Every year I prepare myself for this possibility. We've had wet winters and hot, dry summers, and that's probably only going to get worse. Why would I stay here?

I don't know. I can walk down into the canyon and the eucalypts, unaware of their own malignancy, yawn and groan as they bend to touch one another in the wind. I get to watch coyotes hunting for wild plums in the evening; the plums aren't native but I'd guess the coyotes don't know that, either. My neighbors plant gardens you couldn't grow somewhere without this much warmth and sea fog. Crows harass red-tailed hawks in the few redwoods planted here to evoke a recent, unreachable past. I know where the nearest great horned owl lives. I know what the arrival and departure of naked ladies means, which oaks are which and which I love most, when thimbleberries might arrive, how to scare a mountain lion, where to go to find cool elders and willows when I'm feeling hot and low, how to tell toyon from everyone impersonating toyon, when the newts migrate. One one side of the ridge I can hear the train screeching unmistakably, but if I hop over into the next watershed it's gone, replaced by bickering scrub jays, happy dogs, children playing near the creek far below me. Would you know how to leave?

#original photography #bluebellyphotos #bluebellytalks #wildfire #photographers on tumblr #photographers of tumblr #sonya7riv #sonya7r4 #flora #green #sense of place #summer #summer fog #non-natives #african plants #succulents #eucalypts #eucalyptus

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smok3r7 · 5 months

Text

One Door Closes & Another One Opens

Joel x OFC!Divorce Lawyer

Explicit, 18+

Voice To The Face

Main MasterList & Series Masterlist - My AO3

Summary: She’s a divorce attorney and he’s a husband looking for help to save his daughter, and himself, from his gambling addict wife. Renae Russo is a woman who fights for her clients and wins. She’s satisfied with her life and what she does - but she wishes she could have a little more. What happens when Joel Miller becomes her client and an old flame of Renae’s reignites in the same breath?

Chapter Summary: Both Joel and Renae finally find the courage to make the right decisions to better their lives and find true happiness, partially together and partially not. Better late than never.

Word count: 5.8k

—

Mindlessly pacing back and forth in Tommy’s backyard, Joel can’t seem to stop talking to Renae. The conversation flows so easily, there’s no awkward silence, no vile words being thrown around, no drunken nonsense, and no slot machine music in the background. It’s the first time in years Joel feels listened to and has someone who actually engages in conversation.

His flip-flops pop on the cement that surrounds the inground pool - he’s probably done at least two dozen laps in a matter of minutes. The sky has changed to a soft blue with a hue of orange coming from the sun that’s starting to set, soft bubble-like clouds scatter the sky, and the vibrant oak and ash trees dance with the wind that lightly blows. Summers in Austin can be outright magical, but they can also be dangerously hot. Thankfully this year has been more of the cooler weather, but Joel’s not gonna jinx it because he’s noticed as he gets older, he hates the heat.

Joel didn’t expect to be by the pool for this call, so his jeans stick to his sweaty legs and groin as he paces, making him adjust his semi-hard cock that's been fighting with his zipper. If he would’ve known the first call with a divorce lawyer would’ve gone this way, he wouldn’t have been around Tommy. He started the call sitting with Tommy in his front lawn, both sitting around an ash-filled fire pit with whiskeys in each other's hands, but after about five minutes of Tommy wanting to know every tiny bit of what she was saying, Joel just stood up and walked to the backyard, whiskey in hand.

The phone call started out professional; he went into extreme detail about his financial details, how he wants physical and sole custody of Sarah with no strings to Annie, and that he wants to keep everything except the Toyota. She can keep that damn thing for all he cares, it’s of no use to him.

However, about thirty minutes into the call, after Joel mentioned he also wants to keep the cabin he and Annie bought when they first got together, Renae is the one to change the energy of the call from business to somewhat casual. She talks about how she loves camping in cabins and that she hasn’t gone camping in over a decade, and Joel makes sure to remember that she’s been to ten different campsites in Texas.

If things go a certain direction, he might be able to help her add to that list. At the same time, Joel can’t stop from thinking how he’s already looking into the future with her, during a time where he’s getting divorced. But he quickly finds himself getting distracted by the way her business voice morphed into this bubbly, sarcastic one that has Joel hypnotized by her every word.

And just like that, the floodgates open and the divorce talk is forgotten about completely by both parties.

Another thirty minutes go by of Joel and Renae getting to know each other through talking about fun activities they’ve individually done in the past and things they both enjoy. He talks about things he’s done with Sarah throughout her life, the memories of going to Disney World, to Cedar Point, the Grand Canyon all start to play out like a movie in his brain. Joel hasn’t thought about some of the things that play for him right now in some years - he’s been too occupied to reminisce about the past, so he goes silent for a moment getting lost in little Sarah giggles and hugs.

“That reminds me of the time my sister and I went tubin’ and both of us flew- and when I say flew, I mean we went like ten feet in the air!” She laughs on the other side of the phone.

Seriously? Joel can’t help but chuckle as he asks her, his left hand rubs the back of his neck as he passes the metal handle that leads to the pool steps. Circling for what could very well be the hundredth time.

“Yes, Joel, my dad is insane when it comes to his boat. But I wouldn’t have anyone else drive it, and he wouldn’t either.”

“That sounds like a smart man to me. Sounds like me with my pontoon.”

“Joel, stop it right now,” her southern twang takes control as she drags out her words almost in a whiny voice, but not annoying like Annie. Quite the opposite, actually, any tone from Renae has Joel drooling from his mouth and dick.

“You keep surprisin’ me with these fun little facts about you.”

Heat rushes instantly to his face, and he’s so taken aback that his feet plant themselves and he drags his fingers through the top of his curls and stops them on the back of his head, where he softly scratches his scalp. Something about her smart-ass attitude, silk-like voice, and confident cadence all combined and tied with a large bow to make it better has him not feeling like himself, and he can’t tell if that’s good or not.

“I’ve lived a pretty full life darlin’, there’s lots of things you’d learn from me.”

Joel feels like he must be on a roll or something because of the way she giggles; it’s almost like he can see her sun kissed cheeks start to turn red and her teeth shine from her smile. His heart beat thumps in his chest and cock that’s now supported by the waistband of his boxers and jeans. Thankfully he’s somewhat smart enough to have his back facing the two story home to hide the effects from this one woman.

“Well, since you’re offering, I couldn’t possibly pass that up. That would just be pretty dumb of me.” Joel knows she’s serious but he also hears the bit of sarcasm that laces her words. It’s like a fun game of cat and mouse, who’s gonna fold first, and Joel is loving every second of it.

Joel’s body feels light and airy, his chest isn’t tight. Most importantly, he’s not walking on eggshells. It’s become so natural for him to always be on alert and pay attention to the little inflections of someone’s voice and body language, but that hasn’t happened once since he’s been on this call. It’s refreshing to have a simple, yet meaningful, conversation with someone - her slight southern charm with some street knowledge, and with him knowing her physical attributes, Joel can’t complain in the slightest.

He feels like he’s hit the lottery with Renae and he hasn’t even met her yet.

“Well sugar, how about I come to see ya’ tomorrow ‘n I’ll teach ya’ some things.” The second glass of whiskey gives Joel the confidence he needs to keep up the playful banter and not feel self conscious about it. A second goes by and he swears he hears her try to cover up another giggle, I still got it. Joel hasn’t flirted in years, after so long he was convinced he could never do it again and he was going to be this cold hearted old man for the rest of his life.

“Come by anytime between noon and four,” she says, her voice low and sweet, “Just say you’re here for Russo and she’ll bring you to me.”

“Someone’s eager,” Joel can’t help but grin, “But it sounds like a deal, darlin’.”

“Well I wanna put a face to the smooth voice- uh, I-” she’s now stumbling on her words trying to hide the fact that she just slipped up more than she wanted to. “You may want to bring paper copies of bills, properties you own, and any evidence against Annie that you have. Ya’ know, for our first conciliation- free of charge for you.”

“Will get as much as I can by then-”

“Dad!”

Joel spins around and sees Sarah standing in the doorway with her Nightmare Before Christmas pajama set and her brown hair is pulled up in a high bun that sits on her head. “Are you done yet? I wanna play uno before bed!” She shouts with both of her hands sitting on her hips as she pops her left hip out dramatically and her face has a scowl the size of a monster.

He can’t help but snort at the amount of attitude that spews out of his four foot daughter - oddly enough, he hears Renae snickering in his right ear.

“Give me one minute, kiddo, just gotta finish this call.”

“Ugh, you said that over an hour ago,” Sarah groans and spins around to storm off into Tommy’s, but before she takes a step Joel is quick to check her. He lets some attitude and smart ass comments fly, but not when it comes to something like this. It’s too close to her coming off as a snooty kid - which is not the kind of behavior he will tolerate.

He rests his phone on his chest as his voice booms across the pool and yard from her, “Would ya’ rather just go to bed?” This stops her and causes her to turn her head. I’m sorry, she apologizes. He nods and she’s gone inside. Then he shakes his head, raising his left hand to his face as he rubs the corner of his eye for a moment to collect himself.

“Sorry ‘bout that-“

“Don’t be,” Renae interrupts him, “When duty calls you gotta act on it, I get it. Well, not cause of kids, but- you know what I mean. Anyways, I’ll let you go for the night and I’ll see you tomorrow Mr. Joel Miller.”

He doesn’t want to hang up, he could talk with her for hours and hours. But ultimately he knows he has to, there’s no other option. He’s been dreading this part of the call, partially due to the fact he knows he’s gotta go back to reality.

“Alrighty, Ms. Russo,” he purrs, “Rest up so ya’ can see if my face meets your expectations.”

Renae giggles and the shaking of her bracelets clangs together faintly in the background. “Night, Joel.”

Then just like that, she hangs up. Leaving Joel smirking like a fifteen year old boy who just talked to his first crush and got her number. But now he’s alone with his conflicting thoughts and feelings about how he should handle this delicate situation.

—

On my way back now, a client surprised me. Be home in 10<3

Renae hits send to Gia, who texted her about five minutes ago reminding Renae that she said she’d be home no later than six-thirty - it's ten after seven. Renae had gotten distracted by her phone call with Joel, that she forgot her sister and niece were even in town. There was just something about him that entranced her and kept her wanting to learn more and more about him and who he is as a person.

Renae’s phone goes off with a ding, and she picks it up and unlocks it to see a response.

Kk I just got B out the bath and she’s playing with Frankie, see you when you get here<3

Renae smiles and holds down the message and presses the heart reaction, letting Gia know she read it. After tossing her phone in her purse on her passenger side, she puts her car in drive and heads home.

But she can’t stop thinking of Joel. The way his southern drawl slurs his words just a bit, his laugh deep and sounds like it starts in his belly and climbs into his chest, and the way he talks so highly of his daughter like she’s the most precious thing to him. It’s almost too perfect - but yet again, he is getting divorced, so maybe that’s his red flag. She can’t help but think maybe he wasn’t so innocent in the way things ended with Annie, because there’s two sides to every story.

Even with those negative things floating around her head, she can’t leave the idea of Joel alone. Renae can’t think of the last time a man who has been open about emotions and relationships and a stand up guy all around.

Well, that’s kind of a lie.

Dominic Amaro.

That man will forever be the standard of a boyfriend that Renae will ever have. When they broke up, she told herself that she would never settle for anything less than that and she has upheld that since then. It hasn’t been easy, Renae’s used to the toxic, needy guys - for some god awful reason - so she’s had to learn how to steer clear from those people.

Joel seems to be the opposite of what she would be into, however she’s only basing this off of his voice and personality with a mix of his playful humor.

Sugar, darlin’, Ms. Russo.

Renae can’t stop replaying those words in Joel’s voice. She’s hooked, addicted even. She’s not sure how she’s gonna be able to keep her composure tomorrow. If he looks anything like she imagines - she’s fucked, and not in a good way.

Well, maybe…who knows?

By the time she reaches her apartment complex, she’s already looking forward to sleeping. But she knows she can't. Bianca is going to want to watch The Princess Bride before she goes to bed tonight. It's become tradition since the first time Bianca traveled five years ago. The first night they stayed, Gia suggested it and Bianca just fell in love with the movie. The next time they visited, Renae surprised Bianca with baking sugar cookies before the movie so they would be done about half way through. Then they could snack on some treats while enjoying the movie before they all went to bed.

It’s helped heal a bit of Renae’s broken heart that she denies having; being able to create joy for Bianca out of something so minuscule is all Renae needs.

“I’m back!” She announces as she pushes her front door open and instantly spots everyone in the living room to her left. “So sorry I’m late, I got caught up on a call.” She can feel Gina’s eyes scorning her back as Renae faces her kitchen, setting down her purse and laptop bag. Like she always does.

But before Gia can get a word out, Bianca is at Renae’s hip, saving her from any bullshit her mom was about to unleash. “It’s okay, we got the movie all set and got the cookies mixed up, they just gotta go in the oven!” Bianca squeals as she looks up at Renae with this enormous smile that Renae can’t help but feel warm and fuzzy; she looks so much like a mix of Gia and Renae, the Russo genes are strong.

“Lovebug, you are the bomb,” Renae lowers her right hand a low five, which Bianca smacks hard. “Just lemme’ go change and we can start!”

“Okay!” Bianca cheers as she hugs Renae’s hips and runs back into the living room with Gia and Frankie. The apartment is now filled with puppy barks and growls as Bianca plays tug-a-war with him on the dark gray carpet that has a hint of navy blue to it, that covers the living room.

“Can I talk with you for just a second?” Gia asks with a snide tone while standing up from the navy leather couch, then walking behind Renae who’s heading to her room.

“Don’t think I have much of a choice,” Renae sighs in defeat while opening her bedroom door. In a strange way, she now feels like the little sister who’s about to get scolded by the older one for god knows what. However, deep down Renae knows that Gia can sense something is up. When she and Bianca are in town, Renae is never late and won’t ever give a half-assed excuse, for anything - so Gia definitely knows something is different.

Before Renae can even get one heel off, Gia is already shooting off a hundred questions at once. To anyone else it would sound like pure gibberish, but Renae has no problem making out each word and being able to understand them.

So who’s the guy? How old? Does he have money? Is he tall? Fat? Skinny? Short? How long has this been goin’ on? Are you and Dominic talking again? You only glow like this when you’re with or talking with him- She takes a split second to gasp out of a realization, oh my god…it is Dominic. When were you gonna tell me? How long?

By the time she’s finished with her array of questions, Renae has already changed into her oversized tee and shorts and is now in her bathroom relieving her face from the makeup that’s melted to her face from the brutal heat. Completely ignoring her sisters ridiculous blabbering, but yet hating the fact that she’s right - partially.

With both her hands flat on the pearl white countertop next to the matching white square sink that sits above the counter, instead of in it. A little touch of something different than any other place she was looking at to rent, the bathroom is really what sold her on this one bedroom, one and a half bathroom apartment.

She observes her reflection opposite of her, she can tell there is a small glow that shines from her face; her cheeks have a brighter color to them, her green eyes piercing but soft, her shoulders are relaxed and low. She’s not tense, like she has been for the last few years. Not because of anything in particular, she just hasn't been able to let loose like she wants.

After a few more seconds of taking in her appearance, she sees how happy she looks. The defined lines in between her eyebrows are softer, the smiles lines grow from the permanent smile that paints her lips. Her eyes are full of hope and desire, much like how she feels about tomorrow. The promise of tomorrow is what’s keeping her light on her toes; the possibility of something new and unfamiliar excites Renae.

She has to venture out of her comfort zone, Dominic can’t be her safety net forever.

“Hello,” Gia drags out as she vigorously flips the light switch on and off, “Earth to Renae, anyone home?”

“Shit, yeah.” Renae shakes her head before she slides her bracelets off, along with her rings, and hoops. Then setting them on the counter next to the sink; knowing that she’ll more than likely wear them tomorrow, she doesn’t put them in her jewelry stand.

Quickly glancing over to her sister and her bump, who’s no more than a couple meters away, Renae smiles at the fact Gia is living her life exactly how she wants. The jealousy still lingers in her soul, it always will, but it’s pushed into the back of her mind for now. She goes back to her reflection and starts to put her thick hair into a low bun that sits at the bottom of her neck.

“For your information, Dominic and I aren’t back together, but we have been talking-“

“I knew it!”

Renae now completely faces Gia with a playful - kinda annoyed - expression, “Bitch, are you gonna let me finish? Or do ya’ not want the story?” Crossing her arms in front of her chest and popping her right hip that bumps into the drawer.

“Can’t help myself!” Gia scoffs as she turns around and sits on Renae’s bed, one hand planted behind her supporting her body up and the other one spreads across her belly. Her worn gray Yankee’s tee lifts enough for her belly button to pop out, Renae can't stop her lips from curving up. Pure love and compassion pours out of her whole demeanor. Seeing Gia legitimately happy and enjoying herself and her life, getting everything she wants and needs for her and her family, is such a beautiful feeling for Renae.

The big sister finally feels like the baby has finally found herself and it digs at her a little bit because she doesn’t need Renae. At least not like they did as kids. But it also fills her with this accomplished spirit because Renae was the one who pushed Gia to move to New York and make that one last step.

Now look at Gia; a badass business owner, wife, mother, and homeowner.

“I get excited when this shit happens to you, Rae… Cause you deserve it and I want it so badly for you.” Gia’s tone is now low and sincere, her body language even. She swipes the loose pieces of her shoulder length hair that’s a bright cherry blonde behind her ears and slightly sitting forward. Almost too fast for Renae to catch but she sees a small tear fall down Gia’s cheek before she quickly wipes it away with her right hand.

“Please know that I’m rooting for you in every way possible, even with our little tit-for-tat shit we do.”

Renae now in the doorway between her bedroom and bathroom with the right side of her body leaning against the frame, her left leg crossed behind her right one that supports her body and her arms still folded. The image of her pregnant sister in front of her instantly soothes her body and mind, she can never stay mad at Gia.

“Don’t go gettin’ all fuckin’ sappy on me,” Renae chuckles, “Buck up, camper.”

“Whatever, so how’s Dominic and his ma?”

“Not good, uh, he told me she’s maybe got a year left in her. Her organs just are not functioning like they should, so he’s pretty shaken by that.”

“Aw, Rae. I’m sorry, honey.”

“Yeah, well, anyway Dominic is comin’ to visit next month, so I invited him to stay with me for those few days he’s here.” Renae watches as Gia’s eyes bulge and her mouth starts to open, however she’s quick to stop her. “Nothing serious is gonna come outta it, I just figured if he’s gonna be in Austin he could save money by staying here. And maybe we’ll fuck or not, I don’t know okay?”

“I didn’t say anything,” Gia smirks as she raises her hands in surrender. “But I know that’s not everything that happened today… Spill.” Both her hands back on the mattress supporting her body as she leans back a bit with a cocky smirk.

Renae can’t help herself from laughing as she turns to flick the light off in the bathroom and slides past Gia towards the door that leads out to the rest of her apartment. She doesn’t want to explain the Joel situation right now mostly because she hasn’t even met him yet, so she really has nothing to go on. She’ll fill Gia in tomorrow after her meeting with him.

“Nice try, your daughter’s waiting for us.” She flicks her bedroom light off, “In five seconds I bet she’ll call for us. Five…four…three…two..”

“Mamaaa, are y’all almost ready?”

In her dark room the two sisters can’t help the burst of laughter and snorts that leave their mouths at the perfect timing of Bianca’s voice from the living room. Renae was just trying to switch the topic of conversation off of her before she got stuck answering to her sister.

Even though she’s a lawyer - a very good one - Gia is able to corner Renae into telling her things. She’s never been able to understand why her baby sister is the one to crack her and it’s been like this since Gia could talk. So Renae found out she has to switch the conversation or just leave the area, because otherwise Gia will sit there and pick apart every minute detail that Renae subconsciously tells.

“We’re comin’, lovebug!”

—

The flicking of Renae’s nails on her thumb and ring finger on her right hand takes over the office, her nerves tingling with anticipation. It’s the first time she’s ever been nervous to meet a client. Well frankly, she’s never had a client like this before.

She can’t stop pacing her office; around her desk, around the table that sits in the middle of her room, up and down the length of her five foot window as she stares down twelve stories at the people who look like ants. Her stomach is in knots, her throat feels dry even though she’s pounded a couple of bottles of water.

Burning rays of sun shine down on her through the window pane, causing her to turn back to her office as she scans her surroundings. Making sure everything is exactly how she wants it and nothing is slightly out of place; first impressions are huge for her.

Renae’s office is her prized possession, she’s worked her ass off to get where she is; right after high school she jumped into college - four years of college to get her bachelors in Sociology and then she did three years in Law school. Luckily she knew Rachel York through a family friend, who put a good word in for Renae and was able to start at R&R Law Firm immediately. So the last thing she wants is for a client to walk in and be instantly turned away by how her space is decorated or kept together.

Maybe that’s a stretch for anyone to think but she’s heard plenty of stories from other attorneys, where their desk wasn’t kept up completely and the client complained about him being disorganized. So ever since then Renae has been a stickler about her work space.

Why did I give him such a huge window of time? She repeats on a loop in different ways so she can try to understand her logic, but there’s no right or wrong answer. She was simply too distracted by him and too eager to meet him to even think about giving correct information. She cracks her thin fingers on both hands and a little bit of her tension is broken, at least in her hands - the other parts of her body are another story.

She tilts her head up to the clock above her desk, one o’clock on the dot. She inhales through her nose and lets it sit in her chest for a second, then exhales through her mouth once to try to escape the reality of meeting Joel. But it doesn’t help. She walks about her mahogany desk and sits in her matching colored office chair, adjusting her fitting white button-up that’s tucked into her high waisted baby blue dress pants so she’s comfortable.

Her usual curly hair, now pin straight with a middle part, reaches the top of her butt and a few money pieces in front of her shoulders and temples on her face. The gold of her jewelry shimmers with her sun-kissed skin that lays underneath the thick, choker-like chain necklace, accompanied by her medium sized hoops, bangles on each wrist and groupings of rings on either hand. Her French tipped acrylics being the cherry on top for her.

“Knock, knock.”

Renae stops like she just got caught sneaking out the house as a teenager.

He’s here. Holy shit. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

With her open toed white heels she spins her chair towards her door to see the mystery man that she already knows is going to uproot her life. Her body stops all movements, but her brain is working a mile a minute.

He’s from the diner… He’s the hot man from the diner.

But he’s cleaned himself up. He’s now crossed the threshold of the door about five or six feet away from her, give or take. First thing that catches her eye is how he shaved his face, keeping the mustache so not quite a baby face but not the full beard she loved yesterday. His salt and pepper curls are combed back and not messy, it even looks like he may have gotten a small haircut on the top. His dark chocolate orbs glistening along with his tanned skin from the sun that beats in from the window across the room.

She can’t believe this, it’s almost comical. In fact, she can’t help but laugh and slightly shake her head side to side while she stares up into his eyes. Joel does the same as he holds a stack of papers in a Manila folder tucked between his left bicep that’s covered by a light gray button up, which is bunched up and about ready to rip and his side.

“So you’re Joel Miller?” She giggles as she pushes herself out of her chair and steps towards him to properly greet him, for real this time and not just a quick moment of intimate eye contact while she walks away.

“This is me, darlin’,” he says, and she watches his eyes do a quick up and down gaze of her body as she gets closer. Her heart flutters at his voice, it's soft but deep like it comes from his chest and his southern tone is heavy when it comes to pet names.

Now directly in front of him, Renae extends her arm to shake his hand - for more reasons than one - her thin gold bangles chime together.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Miller”

Joel’s quick to grasp her hand, which is completely swallowed by his thick, calloused hand that squeezes for a second, “Likewise Ms. Russo.” His voice is like honey that drips and drips, having Renae begging for more of it.

—

“So you did know it was me before you came here?” Renae questions Joel with a smirk, as she barely sways her chair and pops her gum, while he sits across her desk.

Joel shifts his body just enough so his shoulder blades now rest on the back of the leather swivel chair, his right hand scratches his stubble while he chuckles at her reaction. His eyes roam around her body, even though she’s all he wants to look at. He’s partially embarrassed because he feels like a stalker of some kind, even though she’s reassured him that he’s not dozens and dozens of times.

It’s been close to two hours since he arrived at her office. The first hour was all about the divorce bullshit he’ll have to go through; canceling insurance on Annie’s Toyota and changing the title to her name, taking her off his phone plan, changing locks, taking her off of the family insurance policy. Then the worst two things that he wanted to avoid at all cost, he found out he’s going to have to deal with it - the whole process will take four months minimum because there’s a child involved and that he’s going to have to fight for physical and sole custody because Annie’s going to, and already is, fighting it.

Renae could tell he was feeling down and out of sorts just by the way his whole body tensed when Sarah came up in the conversation. So she swiftly changed the course of their conversation and turned it more easy-going and natural than the previous. Which ended up turning into an hour of joking about the fact they have somewhat already met one another and the fact the odds of that happening are slim to none.

“Yes… But,” he sits up, now halfway off the seat and his elbows rest on his knees, while his palms and fingertips pressed together, “I just happened to click on R&R Law Firm. I saw your picture - beautiful one by the way - ‘N I told myself, or, made myself is a better way to describe it. And I had to just make the call.”

Joel loves the way her face brightens whenever he compliments her or he makes a joke that she finds hilarious; the way her nose scrunches when she tries to hide her laughter or smile, makes it hard for him to stop staring. He’s just getting to know her and he’s already obsessed, addicted, fixated. It’s kind of scary how possessive he already feels around Renae.

“Thank you. It’s an old picture, I’m sure you can tell,” her hands gesture to her face for a moment before she rests them back on her armrests and scoffs. “Side note, I believe you Joel. Don’t have to defend yourself, that’s what I’m here for!” Her teeth gleam with her smile as she rolls her chair a bit to her right and gently pulls the middle drawer of her desk open and grabs a sheet of paper.

“Exactly why I wanted ya, darlin’.” He draws out the beginning of ‘exactly’ as he watches her move so smoothly behind her desk. Gliding to one side and her orange strands of hair fly with her, grabbing a pen for him to use and the top part of her button-up open just enough for Joel to get a peak of her breasts, and back in the middle as she turns the paper to him.

“Just sign here,” she circles the bottom section on the front, then flips the sheet over, “‘n here and I’m all yours.” She purrs, handing the blue pen to Joel who happily takes it. Joel rarely liked the look of Annie’s too long, bright acrylics but Renae’s simple style and length makes him rethink his opinion on acrylics. He starts to think about how pretty her French tips would look wrapped around his throbbing cock or how ravishing she looks when she’s dripping with arousal as she glides through her folds and teases herself.

Mindlessly he signs the form and sets the pen on top of it before he slides it back to Renae who’s admiring him from behind her desk. Joel's brain can’t wrap around the fact that someone as gorgeous and intelligent as Renae, is even interested in a guy like Joel. Maybe too much of the belittling and the trauma from Annie has diminished his self esteem, but he can slowly feel it coming back.

She’s all mine.

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newhologram · 2 years

Text

“I write this eulogy while looking across one of the ten-lane freeways P-22 somehow miraculously crossed in 2012, gazing at a view of his new home, Griffith Park. Burbank Peak and the other hills that mark the terminus of the Santa Monica Mountains emerge from this urban island like sentinels making a last stand against the second largest city in the country. The traffic noise never ceases. Helicopters fly overhead. The lights of the city give the sky no peace.

“Yet a mountain lion lived here, right here in Los Angeles.

“I can’t finish this sentence without crying because of the past tense. It’s hard to imagine I will be writing about P-22 in the past tense now.

"Biologists and veterinarians with the California Department of Fish and Wildlife announced today they have made the difficult decision to end P-22’s suffering and help him transition peacefully to the next place. I hope his future is filled with endless forests without a car or road in sight and where deer are plentiful, and I hope he finally finds the mate that his island existence denied him his entire life.

“I am so grateful I was given the opportunity to say goodbye to P-22. Although I have advocated for his protection for a decade, we had never met before. I sat near him, looking into his eyes for a few minutes, and told him he was a good boy. I told him how much I loved him. How much the world loved him. And I told him I was so sorry that we did not make the world a safer place for him. I apologized that despite all I and others who cared for him did, we failed him.

“I don’t have any illusion that my presence or words comforted him. And I left with a great sadness I will carry for the rest of my days.

“Before I said goodbye, I sat in a conference room with team members from the California Department of Fish and Wildlife, and the team of doctors at the San Diego Zoo Safari Park. The showed me a video of P-22’s CT scan, images of the results, and my despair grew as they outlined the list of serious health issues they had uncovered from all their testing: stage two kidney failure, a weight of 90 pounds (he normally weighs about 125), head and eye trauma, a hernia causing abdominal organs to fill his chest cavity, an extensive case of demodex gatoi (a parasitic skin infection likely transmitted from domestic cats), heart disease, and more. The most severe injuries resulted from him being hit by a car last week, and I thought of how terrible it was that this cat, who had managed to evade cars for a decade, in his weakened and desperate condition could not avoid the vehicle strike that sealed his fate.

“As the agency folks and veterinarians relayed these sobering facts to me, tissue boxes were passed around the table and there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. This team cares just as much for this cat as we all do. They did everything they could for P-22 and deserve our gratitude.

“Although I wished so desperately he could be returned to the wild, or live out his days in a sanctuary, the decision to euthanize our beloved P-22 is the right one. With these health issues, there could be no peaceful retirement, only some managed care existence where we prolonged his suffering — not for his benefit, but for ours.

“Those of us who have pets know how it feels when we receive news from the veterinarian that we don’t want to hear. As a lifelong dog and cat owner, I have been in this dreadful position too many times. The decision to let them go is never easy, but we as humans have the ability, the responsibility, and the selflessness to show mercy to end the suffering for these beloved family members, a compassionate choice we scarcely have for ourselves.

“I look at Griffith Park through the window again and feel the loss so deeply. Whenever I hiked to the Hollywood sign, or strolled down a street in Beachwood Canyon to pick up a sandwich at The Oaks, or walked to my car after a concert at the Greek Theater, the wondrous knowledge that I could encounter P-22 always propelled me into a joyous kind of awe. And I am not alone — his legion of stans hoped for a sight of Hollywood’s most beloved celebrity, the Brad Pitt of the cougar world, on their walks or on their Ring cams, and when he made an appearance, the videos usually went viral. In perhaps the most Hollywood of P-22’s moments, human celebrity Alan Ruck, star of Succession, once reported seeing P-22 from his deck, and shouting at him like a devoted fan would.

“We will all be grappling with the loss of P-22 for some time, trying to make sense of a Los Angeles without this magnificent wild creature. I loved P-22 and hold a deep respect for his intrepid spirit, charm, and just plain chutzpah. We may never see another mountain lion stroll down Sunset Boulevard or surprise customers outside the Los Feliz Trader Joe’s. But perhaps that doesn’t matter — what matters is P-22 showed us it’s possible.

“He changed us. He changed the way we look at LA. And his influencer status extended around the world, as he inspired millions of people to see wildlife as their neighbors. He made us more human, made us connect more to that wild place in ourselves. We are part of nature and he reminded us of that. Even in the city that gave us Carmeggedon, where we thought wildness had been banished a long time ago, P-22 reminded us it’s still here.

“His legacy to us, and to his kind will never fade. He ensured a future for the entire population of mountain lions in the Santa Monica Mountains by inspiring us to build the Wallis Annenberg Wildlife Crossing, which broke ground this spring.

“P-22 never fully got to be a mountain lion. His whole life, he suffered the consequences of trying to survive in unconnected space, right to the end when being hit by a car led to his tragic end. He showed people around the world that we need to ensure our roads, highways, and communities are better and safer when people and wildlife can freely travel to find food, shelter, and families. The Wallis Annenberg Wildlife Crossing would not have been possible without P-22, but the most fitting memorial to P-22 will be how we carry his story forward in the work ahead. One crossing is not enough — we must build more, and we must continue to invest in proactive efforts to protect and conserve wildlife and the habitats they depend on — even in urban areas.

“P-22’s journey to and life in Griffith Park was a miracle. It’s my hope that future mountain lions will be able to walk in the steps of P-22 without risking their lives on California’s highways and streets. We owe it to P-22 to build more crossings and connect the habitats where we live now.

“Thank you for the gift of knowing you, P-22. I’ll miss you forever. But I will never stop working to honor your legacy, and although we failed you, we can at least partly atone by making the world safer for your kind.”

#p22 #rip #los angeles #animal death

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assaultvvyvern · 1 year

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ya'll asked for geography, so u get geography!!! of space, lmao. let's start with the basics. but here's my version of the magical dimension!

details under cut! (also do clic on the picture to see stuff better tunglr ruined the quality as always)

note: the size of the planets is very indicative, and just to make the map more readable.

● THE SUNS ●

the magical dimension originally had five suns that then became four after the end of the fairy-witch wars (long story short: one exploded).

the main suns are the ones you can see in the center, called the dragon's head and the dragon's tail, the biggest and the second biggest (in that order), called this way after the great dragon. then there's the elf sun, the third biggest, whose name comes from the people of graynor. and then the smallest one, called the phoenix sun, after the shadow phoenix.

the fifth one used to be the second smallest one, called the leviathan sun. it used to be right in the center of oroz, fallat and rot (now the forbidden ring).

● THE RINGS ●

there are eight rings in the magical dimension, each one with their own unique planets with similar (but different) characteristics. think culturally about them as a continent! the forbidden ring is the only one thats unhabitated, as its conditions are unlivable and the absence of a sun makes it impossibile for life to return.

🡲 light ring

the light ring is "8" shaped and goes around the tail and head suns, and it intersects with the magix ring and the harmonic ring. the name is for obvious reasons: lots of suns and lots of light!

the planets in the light ring are:

solaria: known as the planet of stars, suns, moons, and celestial bodies in general. not pictured: the moons celeste and lumenia and a third, smaller sun in its orbit, called radius.

domino: the abandoned planet of the great dragon, of its fire. its population and royal family were wiped out not long ago by an unknown evil power, and its once beautiful deserts and cities are now icy wastelands. not pictured: its moon pyros, known for its dragon population, which migrated from domino during its fall.

koria: known for being the headquarters of the order of the paladins and its school, the malacoy academy. not pictured: its other two orbiting suns, ramiel and samael, and moons, uriel and zephon.

🡲 the nature ring

the nature ring orbits around the elf sun and intersects with the steel ring. the name comes from the nature based power of (most of) the people of the planets, and their incredibile, lush, and lively natural wonders.

the planets in the nature ring are:

lynphea: known for its tall trees on which its people live, its giant animals and insects, and the enormous forests. not pictured: its second sun helianthus and its moon ipomea.

andros: covered 90% by salt water, it's the planet where merpeople live, along with a human population spread over small islands and archipelagos. it's connected through a magical space waterfall to its orbiting nano-planet, au haru (not pictured here). not pictured: its moon seantis.

romulea: the planet of oasis, deserts, savannahs, and jungles. and extremely dangerous animals too. not pictured: its other two suns mawu and magec, and its moon oko.

altaduna: the planet of mountains and rivers, there are basically no plains and hills. not pictured: its moon zorya.

dolona: its people are known for living on floating islands above large, deep and unexplored canyons. not pictured: its moon devana.

graynor: where the race of the elves live and thrive, born of the ancient magical tree known as the rainbow oak.

🡲 the magix ring

the magix ring orbits around the tail sun and intersects with the light ring. it has only one planet, magix, from which it gets its name.

magix is the current modern cultural melting pot of the magical dimension, and the planet most similar to our planet earth in terms of size and sun cycles. it's famous for having been the ground on which some of the most important historical events of the magical dimension have happened, as well as being where the three most famous schools for fairies, witches, and knights are (alfea, cloudtower, and redfountain, respectively). it's also where the high council of the magical dimension meets to discuss interplanetary matters. not pictured: its moon sen.

🡲 the harmonic ring

the harmonic ring orbits around the head sun and intersects with the steel ring, the light ring and the white ring. the people of its planets have always been known for their devotion to the arts, culture and harmony of the soul, hence the name.

a rare magical and space occurrence called the harmonic nebula, an agglomerate of cosmic dust, is fixed on the orbit. when a planet passes through the harmonic nebula, its sky becomes a swirly light red and deep purple.

the planets in the harmonic ring are:

melody: the planet of the arts. here is where music, cinema, photography, architecture, painting, poetry, dancing and more grow, evolve, and are part of the planet's magic. because the majority of the industries on the planet dominate the market, melody has the most influx of immigrants, who are mostly artists from other planets who want to find their luck here. not pictured: its moon symphony.

oppositus: the magic of this planet bases itself on opposites and the balance between them.

espero: the home planet of most of the famous philosophers, writers, and greatest thinkers of the magical dimension. for many, it's seen as a place of spiritual retreat (and the locals don't really like that). not pictured: its moon ohm.

eros: planet of love and emotions, known for having the best therapy and psychology schools of the magical dimension.

🡲 the steel ring

the steel ring orbits around the head and tail suns with an oval shape, and it intersects with the harmonic and nature rings. the name comes from the abundance of underground materials of its planets, as well as their deep cavernous systems and the warrior reputation of their people.

the planets in the steel ring are:

eraklyon: planet of iron, carbon, zinc, and more. its people are known for being powerful and fierce warriors with a great military history. lately it has been caught up in stopping an independentist war carried out by its orbiting nano-planets of charùnda, berg and cleddyf (not pictured here), which eraklyon claims as "its colonies". not pictured: its moon rhod.

hoggar: planet of the great forges and legendary blacksmiths. not pictured: its moon hors.

thordal: their people live in underground cavern systems, filled with precious gems and metals. they claim to be direct descendants of the people of downland, a mystical and ancient population that lives underground in the planet of magix.

🡲 the white ring

the white ring orbits around the phoenix sun, and it intersects with the harmonic and the night ring. its name comes from the harsh, snowy winters and cold climate of its planets.

the planets of the white ring are:

zenith: the planet of technomagic, where more than 80% of the magical dimension's tech and innovation come from. an extremely economically powerful planet and kingdom, zenith is also where most of the capital is made. not pictured: its moons manna and gateway-0001. the second is an artificial creation.

callisto: the planet of storms, harsh winds, and thunder. its people live under domes of special glass that protect them from the constant bad weather. its orbiting nano-planet, serenia (not pictured), is known for constantly rotating between extreme climate conditions and seasons even in a day.

stalax: the planet of snow and icebergs. not pictured: its moons hjuki and bil.

dyamond: a once flourishing planet of crystals and gems, it was wiped out centuries ago in a manner similar to domino. nobody knows what really happened to it. zenith has been colonizing most of it for resources.

🡲 the night ring

the night ring orbits around the phoenix sun, and intersects only with the white ring. its name comes from the (not total) lack of light on its planets, as well as the reputation of the majority of its people - witches. only wysperia is currently being inhabited.

the planets of the night ring are:

wysperia: once an empty planet, a small handful of witches, tired of their reputation in the magical dimension, colonized the grounds and created their own kingdom, which grew and thrived. it only has been recently given a seat in the high council. it's where the wysperian crystals (magical ampoules used in witch rituals and spells) are made and kept. not pictured: its moons hecate, medea and circe. they move all in a row of three and are called the "triple goddesses" by wysperi.

prometia: a planet covered in hot springs and gysers. it's currently being contested by wysperia and zenith, the first wanting to create a new witch colony and the second wanting to harvest its resources.

🡲 the forbidden ring

the forbidden ring was once called another name and probably intersected with either the harmonic ring or the steel ring. its name has been lost to time, as well as the people that lived on its planets. its sun was destroyed during the fairy-witch wars by the one and only mad king of domino.

the planets of the forbidden ring are orez, rot and fallat.

● THE GALACTIC DEPHTS ●

there are many other planets and unexplored corners of space in the magical dimension. although exploration is currently ongoing, there are two planets beyond the borders of the magical dimension that are known.

🡲 omega

omega is a planet 200 light years away from the magic dimension, covered in ice and deep canyons in which natural tunnels have formed. it's currently being used (and has been for centuries) as a prison for the worst criminals of the magic dimension.

it's accessible either through a one-of-a-kind (now sealed) portal on andros or light-speed space travel, the latter being reserved only to authorities and authorized personnel.

some internal sources say budding communities have formed for survival among the prisoners, but it has never been been confirmed by any public authority.

🡲 obsidian

another prison planet, obsidian was created to keep a great evil sealed behind its portal, hoping for it to never return. it has mostly become a legend by now, although its existence is very real. all the people who touched its grounds never came back, making it impossible to know how it looks.

#winx club #winx #winx rewrite #winx club rewrite #winx club au #winx au #magical dimension worldbuilding tag #au: so much for fairy dust #this all works for both #DO SEND ME ASKS ABT IT IF U WANNA EHEH #gael originals

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wheelie-sick · 2 months

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I already knew this but the tags on that other post are reaffirming that a lot of people don't realize that there's forest in New Mexico? a lot of it, actually

"piñon juniper forest doesn't count I want big trees"

yes it does

and

[ID 1: a canyon filled with ponderosa pine trees. the photo was taken from above a small hot spring

ID 2: a ponderosa pine forest with oak scrub in low lighting

ID 3: a creek surrounded by Aspen trees

ID 4: a photo taken from on top of a mountain showing forest leading up to a large cliff]

all photos I took btw

genuinely I live in the most beautiful place on earth. I have the desert around me, the mountains that surround me, the plains to the south, I have so many biomes within an hour drive and I feel so lucky to live here

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hmshermitcraft · 1 year

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Grian swears that there’s something up with this small town. He can feel it in his bones.

But, the unease turns to…something else when he meets the mysterious owner of the town’s shady amusement park.

And sure, he may have a weird amount of sharp teeth and his eyes glow in the dark; fuck you, Grian finds that hot.

Anyways, he follows this man called “Scar” deep into the park, far from the worrying eyes of his sister Pearl who keeps insisting that “it’s dangerous” to follow the handsome, totally human guy deep into a shady ass amusement park that definitely doesn’t follow safety regulations.

It’s what he finds that blows his mind.

A city, hidden amongst the tall conifers and oaks that holds the likes of people that Grian’s never seen. Monsters of all kinds.

As much as he wants to run away, he can’t.

After all, who’s to abandon Scar?

It’s said, that he was found, dead, at the bottom of a canyon. Local police force suspect drug usage, but Pearl knows that’s not what it was.

There are horrors living in the town of Hermits.

And Pearl needs to find out what they are, before it’s too late.

It’s also not her fault that this strange (yet very pretty) shop owner, Gem, keeps taking her away from her duties.

🌙 anon (idk how that think works but this is my first prompt I kinda turned it into a fic srry T^T)

Pearl knows her brother possibly better than she knows herself. Grian was a menace, sure, but he was never interested in drugs. He rarely drank enough to even get drunk.

And why would he end up where he did?

(And why wasn't she ever allowed to see the body?)

Pearl doesn't tell Gem about it, not wanting to offload her grief onto someone she barely knows (and who she thinks is very cute.) Nothing kills the vibe like 'yeah so I'm looking into the death of my brother' she's found out. It's frustrating their work hours overlap so much - Gem is always inviting Pearl places when Pearl planned to investigate something! And Pearl doesn't want to say no, because that's all the free time Gem gets, too!

It's one of those dates - Gem insisted on a midnight picnic in the forest. Sure, Pearl was planning to investigate the amusement park tonight, but she can do that any other night. Gem is smiley as ever, excitedly showing Pearl the food she's brought. They eat and chat, the moon shining overhead. It makes Pearl feel daring, like when she'd sneak out as a teenager.

Which is maybe why it catches her so off guard when Gem says, so calmly, "You know Grian isn't dead?"

When Pearl turns to look at her, there's no give away in Gem's expression. Just a concerned look, head tilted slightly to the side.

"That's a sick joke to play," Pearl replies. She stands, grabbing her bag. "Is that what all this has been? Oh, let's play a prank on the grieving sister? Real funny!"

"Why would I joke about something like that?" Gem says, and Pearl can hear her standing as well. "We may not be humans, but we aren't all monsters, you know."

Pearl spins around. And for the first time, she sees Gem.

#hermitshipping #ask #pearl tag #gem tag #grian tag #scar tag #gempearl #death tw #murder tw #mod 🎀#weekly theme: small town with a secret #🌒 anon

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emperornorton47 · 1 year

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Sprared

#live oak #sepia photography #monochrome #irvine #orange county #california #photo #Limestone Canyon Regional Wilderness #digital #original photographers

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starshinedragon · 1 year

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SSO: LIFE WARDENS The magic trees of Jorvik

Main tree: Jordrassil in the Jorcrater -> The Crater is where the first pandorian contact happened, Aideen met the centaurs -> She combined the 3 magics (Light, Earth, Pandorian) and fought Garnok. -> Jordrassil is the first tree, manifestation of Aideen’s life powers. -> Also the place where she dispersed, gave up her light and souls to the creatures of the island -> Master portal- planted many other trees on the island, so she can get around quicky in the war. -> Jordrassil has the strongest hints of Aideen’s light (other than MC) would be a top prize for G to corrupt

Life Wardens: Primeival trees -> Fast travel system, their roots for portals after saying the right incantation. -> From Jordrassil you can fast travel to ANY (living, friendly) tree -> From other trees only to the next in the network -> Guarding and strengthening any magic: Aideen’s or Garnok’s if corrupted. -> They can be awakened and speak, have different personalities.

1. Harvestlands: -> Sleeping Widow: Forgotten Fields. Helped Lisa, 1st one we meet. Wants to reconnect with the other Trees. Protective of the little one also growing in the Forgotten fields. -> Golden Lady: Scarecrow Hill. Grows Golden Apples, which are pure Aideen/Light power. Neighbors and best friends with the Widow. -> Ancient Sentinel: Wildwoods. Protected by the Wild Horse tribes. There is a pandorian rift underwater in the lake, through which Pandorian magic seeps through, infects the area. We close it when Garnok fully corrupts Pandoria and manage to prevent the Sentinel from being corrupted. -> Singing Yew: South Hoof. Helped Justin. Slumbering in the fields, the winds blowing through the branches make a song. -> Silent Poplar: Firgrove Mountain. Very mysterious. Turns out a hundred years ago he was corrupted and almost lost to the darkness, but they used the cleansing ritual to save him. -> Hidden Willow: Fort Maria. Hiding underground in a cave, guarding the library. The first place we go when we unlock the Tree Portal fast travel system. Guards the knowledge about the Life Wardens.

2. Winterdale -> Fire Glory: Ashland. Red pine, likes the warmth there, very lively, constantly talks about how much she likes the warm and finds the fires and the volcano beautiful. -> Glacier Heart: Dino Valley. Sister to the Ashland one, likes the cold. Constantly annoyed by Fire Glory’s neverending chitchat about Ashland, which she can hear. -> Astral Crown: Starshine mountain. Next to the Secret Stone Circle, protects it, she is why the DRs can’t come close to the circle. -> Silver Runebark: Rimefang woods. Silver leafs, revered by the Kallters, likes them, his bark covered in glowing azure runes. -> Wise Leaf : Anvil woods. Helped the druids protect the forest from DC, gives them advice. Talks in verses, metaphors and tales.

3. Springvalley -> Royal Cedar: Blossom woods. Majestic and reliable, he has been guarding the Blossom woods and Springvalley from the storm in Winterdale. -> Everbloom Elm: Everspring plateau. Covered in various flowers, she’s very proud of them. Gives you some random herbs every day if you go say hi to her. The tree is so full of herself, she’s basically giving you an autograph, don’t worry about it. -> Sun Queen: Suncrown lake. Cleansed from corruption by MC and SRs. Protects the Von Blyssen manor and vineyard. -> Twilight Oak: Morrinweald. The source of the valas’ power. Was corrupted by dark powers, later cleansed by MC and SRs.

4. Summerplains -> Restored Guardian: The Great Clearing. Was cut down long ago. We grow it back, like the one in Forgotten Fields. -> Elder Witchwood: Old Morass. She liked to watch the rituals the witches did in the swamp. Quickly becomes best friends with Pi and Mrs Holdsworth. -> Shadow Chestnut: Claymore mountains, hidden. He was tasked with keeping an eye on the Claymores- they have been serving evil for a long time. -> Aspen King: Lone Star canyon. Yellow-golden leaves, huge tree. Likes the Lone Star Cowboys, who bring gifts (anything from horseshoes to elk skulls).

The New Fast Travel System: -> Advantage of using the trees: you pay for the trailer rides, but you use the tree portals for free. -> With all 4 big areas unlocked, you will need to cover great distances. You have a lot of choices: 1, Trailers (costs money, but most accurate, quickest) 2, Tree portals (free, but less accurate, takes a bit of time) 3, Pandoria portal in-between shortcuts (free, jumps great distances, but least accurate). -> Trailer rides now cost more money the farther the distance you go. Prices: 25 JS: if you travel inside a great area (e.g. staying inside Harvestlands). 50 JS: if you travel to another great area next to you (e.g. from Harvestlands to Winterdale) 75 JS: travel to another area second next to you (e.g. from Harvestlands to Springvalley) 100 JS: travel to third next area (e.g. from Harvestlands to Summerplains) -> [Keep it in mind, that by our game design the JS cap has been raised to 100.000 and you earn more money, via reworked quest rewards.]

#sso #starstableonline #star stable #star stable online #ssoblr #sso rewritten #sso full story series #sso map #sso life warden #sso tree #sso magic #sso aideen #sso game design

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filmtv2022 · 2 years

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To the Bitter End: Chapter 15 (FINAL CHAPTER)

18+ Minors Do Not Proceed

Previous Chapter Masterlist

Pairing: Doc Holliday x Earp!Reader

Chapter Notes: Doc & Y/N finally reunite, and together they embark on the next leg of their journey together.

Story Summary: The youngest Earp sibling joins her older brothers in Tombstone with the hope that the new climate will ease her consumption/tuberculosis symptoms and reconnect her family. But as she settles into this new life, will she find something worth living for? Someone who can tame the loneliness?

Warnings: Illness and death (It's really sad y'all... just know you've been warned)

A/N: The Italics sections are from Doc/Wyatt’s perspectives. The timeline shifts a bit here so we are sort of looking back at things that have happened in the recent past.

-------------------------

In the distance, Wyatt could see a horse riding hard and fast toward the Hooker cottage. There was something dragging behind the horse in the grass, but from this distance, it was impossible to tell what it was. The man on the horse turned to cut the rope behind him loose before settling on top of a nearby hill. Wyatt and the others rushed out to see what was left by the mysterious rider.

As they approached the smell of decaying flesh rolled into their noses. The sight of a man’s mutilated body in the dirt before them caused several of the men to dry-heave.

“They got McMasters!”

The mysterious rider circled back around to deliver a message to Wyatt.

“Ringo wanted to make sure he got your attention, Marshall! He wants a straight-up fight, just you and him. To settle this thing once and for all. Oak Grove at the mouth of Silver Spring Canyon, 7:00!”

“You tell him I’ll be there! I’ll be there!”

…

Wyatt stood at the window of Doc’s room, staring out at the soon setting sun as he spoke.

“I spent my whole life not knowin’ what I wanted outta life, just chasin’ my tail. Now for the first time, I know exactly what I want. And who. And that’s the damnable misery of it.”

Walking to the end of the bed Wyatt continued to pour his thoughts out to Doc who was laying with his hand folded neatly on his chest, taking in the sight of his friend.

“What makes a man like Ringo, Doc? What makes him do the things he does?

“A man like Ringo… got a great empty hole right through the middle of him. He can never kill enough or steal enough… or inflict enough pain to ever fill it. “

“What does he need?”

“Revenge”

“For what?”

“Bein’ born.”

Finally, Wyatt turned back to Doc, staring him hard in the face as he processed what his friend had just said. Making his way to the bed, Wyatt sat on the edge next to John.

“It all happened so fast with Curly Bill. I didn’t really have time to think about it. But I’ve had plenty of time to think about this… I can’t beat him, can I?”

“No”

Nodding his head Wyatt turned to stand from the bed.

“Wait… I’m goin’ with ya” Doc tried to stand, but a violent set of coughs threw him back into bed. His breath wheezed as he spoke, “Oh, god. I’m sorry. I’m sorry Wyatt.”

“It’s all right”.

“What’s it like to wear one of those?” Doc gestured with his hand to the Marshall badge attached to Wyatt’s lapel. Without hesitation, Wyatt unpinned it from himself and tucked it into John’s palm. Moving away from the bed Wyatt made his way out of the cottage and to his horse, it was now or never. Wyatt knew he was likely riding to his own demise, but he tried hard to push those thoughts from his mind so as to not let them cloud his judgement.

….

Back in the room, Doc waited until the sound of hoofbeats had faded into the distance before sitting up and swinging his feet over the edge of the bed. Methodically, John readied himself. First, he slipped on his trousers, buttoning the front, and adjusting them on his hips. Next, he grabbed a dry shirt, pulling it on and tucking it into his pants. His holster and guns were the next pieces to be added to his body. Each pistol was given a once over before being slotted into its rightful place. Doc grabbed for his boots next, pulling each one on with care. A long dark coat and hat were donned to help disguise his features should he run into anyone along the way. And last, but not least, John pinned the Marshall’s badge to his shirt. If he was going to fight one last time, at least this one would be legal.

Just as Doc’s hand pulled at the door handle, a vision of you played through his mind causing him to think twice about his actions. He knew that doing this could tear him away from you forever, bringing you unspeakable pain in the process. But he knew if he didn’t, he’d still be bringing you pain by not protecting Wyatt. If he didn’t go he was ensuring your brother’s death. And while he knew part of you’d hate him for risking his own life, he was willing to accept that, he couldn’t bear the thought of you losing another sibling.

…

Through the trees, Doc could see Ringo leaning against a large oak tree. Slowly, he made his way through the shadow towards the man. It was clear by the way Ringo spoke that he didn’t realize who was approaching.

“Well! I didn’t think ya had it in you.” Pushing himself from the tree, he sauntered in John’s direction.

“I’m your huckleberry- ” The words froze Ringo in place. “Why Johnny Ringo, you look like somebody just walked over your grave.”

“Fight’s not with you, Holliday.”

“I beg to differ, sir. We started a game we never got to finish-” a quick cough cleared Doc’s throat before he continued, “Play for blood, remember?” John pulled a drag from his cigarette as waited for Ringo’s response.

“I was just foolin’ about.”

“I wasn’t. And this time, it’s legal ” A nasty smirk painted John’s face as he watched Ringo fight to push his fear down as the man’s eye caught sight of the Marshall pin on Doc’s chest.

“All right, lunger. Let’s do it.”

The two men began to circle one another, each searching for signs that the other was making a move.

“Say when.”

Ringo’s hand slowly slid up his side, hovering over his pistol. But before the cowboy could even contemplate grabbing the weapon, Doc had unholstered his gun, firing a quick shot at Ringo. The bullet hit true, piercing the man’s skull. John twirled the weapon before placing it back on his hip. Ringo stumbled forward, wet sounds erupted from his throat as he reached for Doc.

“Come on. Come on!” Curling his fingers, John gestured for Ringo to keep coming at him.

“Oh, Johnny, come on!”

Ringo’s grunts and coughs continued as he struggled against his fatal wound. His gun, now in his hand, fired directly into the ground.

“You’re no daisy. You’re no daisy at all!”

At last, Johnny Ringo crashed to the ground, falling on his back at the base of the oak tree he’d leaned upon earlier.

“Poor soul. You were just too high-strung.” Doc removed the badge and placed it on Ringo’s chest. The sound of rushed footsteps approaching from behind had John reaching for his pistol.

Wyatt came into view with his own weapon drawn. Standing Doc explained what had happened, “I’m afraid the strain was more than he could bear.”

Wyatt gave Doc a shocked look, surprised not only to see Ringo dead but to see his friend upright and out of bed.

“Oh, I wasn’t quite as sick as I made out”

Wyatt bent down as he spoke, “Good God.” He pulled the badge from the dead man’s chest, holding it for Doc to see.

“My hypocrisy only goes so far.”

“All right. Let’s finish it.”

“Indeed, sir. The last charge of Wyatt Earp and his immortals.”

------------------------------

You weren’t sure how or when you’d made it back to your bed, but the feeling of cotton rubbing against your skin told you where you were even before your eyes opened. Allowing your eyes to adjust to the dim morning light of the room, you scanned the space taking in the sounds of people moving about in the house as you did so. This morning your body felt marginally stronger than it had in days, and you decided to take advantage of the newfound energy. Sitting up slowly you held onto the bedpost to help you hoist yourself from the mattress. Your housecoat hung on the coat rack next to the bed, grabbing it you pulled the soft fabric around your body as you shuffled in small steps towards the door.

The smell of freshly made eggs wafted in your direction as you cracked the door open. The sound of it moving in its hinges caused everyone’s head to turn towards you. At the table sat Virgil, Allie, Louisa, Mattie, and the nurse. Victoria. You flashed them a small smile as you continued your slow amble to the table. Seeing your legs were still shaky, Virgil stood to help guide you to the empty seat at the table.

Sitting down, you took a minute to observe the people around you. Your family members all shared the same dark circles under their eyes, clearly, they hadn’t managed to get a good night of sleep. You felt guilty for a moment as the realization hit that you were likely part of the reason for their sleepless nights.

Coming up behind you Virgil sat a small plate of food in front of you along with a steaming cup of coffee.

“Thanks, Virg.” You reached for the silverware finding it a bit of a struggle to hold the utensil still as you stabbed at a bite of egg. The food burned on the way down your throat, not because of heat, but because the tender flesh of your esophagus was raw from your near-constant coughing. The coffee smelled wonderful, but you thought better of picking it up. The last thing you wanted was to add burns to your list of ailments.

The six of you ate quietly for several minutes before you felt the flash of pain thrum through your chest. The pain was quickly followed by the all too familiar squeeze of lung spams. The force of the spams crumpled you in your seat, small droplets of blood dripped onto the plate of food in front of you. Virgil moved like lightning to your side, he reached out to help you stand as the fit continued to rack your body. He would have given anything to pick you up and move you back to the bed, but his damned arm kept him from doing so. The pair of you stumbled back into the bedroom, your body all but falling into the mattress when you were close enough. Finally, after what felt like hours, your body began to relax again. Your lungs settling enough to let you get in a few deeper breaths. Staring at the ceiling you could hear Virgil shift a chair so that he could sit next to the bed without having to move you.

“Y/N, we need to talk” Virgil’s voice was somber and resigned, you knew what was coming next, and yet it didn’t stop the emotions.

“I know, it's time-” you paused to collect yourself slightly before resuming, “It’s just… are you sure we can’t wait for them a little bit longer?”

Virgil’s lack of response was answer enough.

“Just promise me this Virg. Promise me you’ll bring him to me as soon as you can? And… if… promise me you’ll put us to rest together.”

“Of course, I promise you Y/N, I’ll make sure the world will always know how much you loved…love each other.”

Screwing your eyes shut, tears began to pour as you listened to Virgil leave to talk with Victoria. You could hear Allie, Louisa, and Mattie packing up your belongings. No conversation passed between them, but everyone once in a while one of them would press a gentle kiss to your temple.

As each one finished their task within the room they came to your bed, and whispered what would likely be their final goodbyes to you. You watched unsurprised as Mattie high-tailed it out of the room after she finished packing your jewelry away. Allie was the first to speak to you, her soft voice cracked with emotion as she spoke, “Y/N, I am so blessed to call you my sister. I’ll love you forever my sweet girl.” You could barely speak, the muscles of your throat tense with emotion. Allie clearly wasn’t ready to leave yet as she sank into the seat Virgil had used earlier.

“Virgil is so blessed to have you, Allie.Thanks for loving him. A girl couldn’t ask for a better sister.”

Louisa’s small frame pressed into the empty space next to you on the other side of the bed. Her gentle fingers brushed your hair out of your face as she looked deeply into your eyes. She had begun to shake her head ‘no’ as she struggled to find the right words.

“I don’t know what to say Y/N. Having you in my life has been the most wonderful thing. I thank God every day for the time I got to spend with you and Morgan.”

“He loved you so much, Louisa. And god, we were the lucky ones, to get to have you in our lives.”

The three of you sat in silence as you cried. It wasn’t until you heard the door creak again that you realized Mattie had come back into the room.

“Ladies, would it be possible for me to have a minute alone with Y/N?” Louisa and Allie both looked to you to see if this was okay, you nodded your head in affirmation.

Once the others were out of the room, Mattie sat down in the chair next to the bed. She didn’t speak, instead, she sat staring at her hands. It was clear she was struggling with something.

“It’s okay, Mattie. You don’t have to-”

“No, it’s not okay Y/N. I’ve been thinkin’ about this a lot since we left Tombstone, and I need to apologize.”

Not wanting to run her off you waited with great patience as she tumbled the words she wanted to say through her mind one more time.

“Y/N, I’ve been terrible to you since we met. And honestly, I have no good reason for my actions. Your illness terrifies me, but that’s no excuse for the way I’ve treated you. I think it was easier to blame you for the problems between me and Wyatt than it was to accept the fact that he and I were never destined for a long and happy life together. And to see you with Doc, it only made me resent you more. The love you two have, that’s the kind of love every person hopes to find, and it burned me to know that I didn’t have it. Y/N, I am so deeply sorry. Seeing you face down this illness with such strength and grace has shown me just how weak I really am, and god, I wish I could find a way to make myself into half the woman you are, but I’ll never be that. I’ll always just be the addict who found herself a man that could never truly love her back. Your brother is a wonderful person, and I know I’ve hurt him too with the drugs and the way I’ve treated you. If I could take it all back, I would, in heartbeat, but I can’t. So, for what it’s worth coming from me, I’m truly sorry Y/N. You never deserved the cards you’ve been dealt in life, and I am sorry for throwing more obstacles in your way. I understand if you can’t find it in your heart to forgive, but I couldn’t let you leave here without at least hearing these words.”

You were stunned, to say the least. Never in your wildest dreams could you have imagined hearing those words from Mattie. Part of you instinctually wanted to push her aside, as you’d never before been able to believe a word that came out of her mouth. But this was different, and you could sense it in the way she spoke. These words were truthful, perhaps the most honest thing Mattie had ever spoken.

“I forgive you, Mattie.” The simple words brought heaving sobs from the blonde woman sitting beside you. Her hands reached out to clutch yours as she let herself give into the remorse coursing through her.

It was only Virgil’s arrival at your door that ended the embrace. Mattie stood at the sound of your brother coming into the room.

“It’s time Y/N girl.”

“Alright. I’m ready.”

The two of you made your way to the carriage that sat out front. Your bags had already been neatly packed inside. As the driver snapped the reins you smiled and waved at the women standing on the porch. They waved back, you could read the sadness in their bodies. Their shoulders slumped as they watched you ride away. You wished they could come with you, but a sanitorium was no place for them to see. Virgil sat beside you holding your hand as you continued to let the tears fall from your eyes.

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The trip into Glenwood beat your body to hell, every bump in the road sent shockwaves of pain through your bones. And the intake process only furthered your exhaustion. By the time you were wheeled to bed your body was ready to give out. A pair of doctors helped lift you into bed, and pulled the covers over you before they walked away.

“Y/N, I’m not going anywhere yet, but the doctors want to talk with me in their office. Is that okay?”

“Yes, it’s okay Virg. I’m not going anywhere yet either.” You huffed a small laugh at your own joke. Virgil shook his head at you as he pulled the privacy curtain shut around your bed.

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You weren’t sure how much time had gone by, but a sudden influx of voices moving past your bed caught your attention, dragging you from your sleeping state.

Turning on your side you saw that another bed had been moved flush with yours. The head and footboards attached firmly together so as to prevent the mattress from slipping apart. But more importantly, laying next to you in his beautiful maroon robe was John. His eyes were closed, but you could hear the whistle of his breathing. Mustering every ounce of energy you had, you slid yourself closer to your husband. Someone had placed a blanket over the top of both of you, allowing you to share the same space fully without any obstacles. Once you were flush with his side you allowed your legs to tangle with his, and your arm to stretch across his chest. The feeling of his warm body next to yours was comforting in a way that could never be fully explained. And there you stayed for the remainder of the night. Occasionally, you would wake to the sound of a nurse coming to check on you both, but that was perfectly okay with you. You had John back in your arms, and for the time being, everything was right with the world.

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The feeling of John running his hand along your arm woke you the next morning as dim sunlight streamed through the windows. Tipping his head down, Doc pressed his lips to your crown, inhaling the scent of you. Threading your fingers with his, you brought his hand to your lips, placing delicate kisses on each knuckle.

“Goodmorning, Mr. Holliday.”

“Goodmorning, Mrs. Holliday.”

“You made it back”

“Just like I promised, darlin’ ”

The two of you shared a deep unspoken need to be near one another, and even though little space existed between yourselves, you sought to close the remaining distance. Your hands roamed each other’s bodies, relishing every needy sound that poured from your bodies, as you turned to capture his lips with yours. You tried to keep your wits about you, being that only a curtain separated you from the rest of the room. It had only been a handful of weeks, but the time away had felt like centuries. No amount of time in each other’s embrace was ever going to be enough, but you were grateful for every second you were given. Too soon for your liking, a nurse came to check on you both during their morning rounds.

Being an intelligent woman, the nurse cleared her throat loudly before pulling back the curtain, and entering your space, giving you each time to situate yourself with a touch more modesty. Though modesty was relative, John’s hand still rested on your breast as the nurse greeted you both.

“Morning all, I was just stopping by to check in and deliver some food for you both. Oh, also, Wyatt says he will be stopping by later to pay you both a visit.”

Setting the tray of food down on the cart next to the bed, the woman began the slow process of helping both you and Doc into a sitting position before wheeling the cart next to the bed and swinging the arm out over you so that the food was within reach.

“I’ll be back later for the trays, enjoy.”

Now that you were seated your eyes fell on John’s profile. It was simultaneously disquieting and comforting to see his illness painted so clearly across his beautiful features. Tucking your heels to the back of your thighs, you twisted to allow your side to press into Doc. His arm came to rest along the back of your shoulders holding you tight to his body yet again. With his opposite hand, he picked up the spoon in front of him, dipping it into the oatmeal on the tray, his hand shaking as he brought the utensil to his mouth. You watched his throat bob as he swallowed the food.

With just a single bite consumed, John placed the spoon back down on the tray, a small clink accompanied the movement. His hand, now free, reached for yours, your head coming to rest on his shoulder. The tender moment was cut short by a searing bout of coughing that tore through your body. John tried desperately to hold you still as you rode it out, the action sapping him of his own small reserve of energy.

Panting, you let your body slump against John, as the sounds of fellow dying people murmured through the room.

“What do you think they would’ve been like…our children?” Your voice was timid and tired.

Blowing a small huff of air out of his nose, Doc took a moment before responding, “They would have been the most wonderful little hellions to grace the earth… and I can tell you one thing for certain, our daughter would’ve been the most tenacious and beautiful soul. With a true propensity for speaking her mind.”

“She'd of had you wrapped around her little finger.”

“Just like her mother in every way.”

The two of you shared a small laugh at the thought of Doc waiting on your daughter hand-and-foot.

“And our son?” It was John who asked the question this time.

“Hmm, he would’ve been so deeply kind, courageous, and loyal, like his father.-” You took a look at John’s face as he contemplated what you’d said, conflict touched his features mixing the emotions together. You continued on, this time bringing a touch of humor to the table, “But I fear your lack of self-preservation would have rubbed off on both our children.”

Laughter came a bit stronger this time as John quipped back, “Now admit it darlin’, you didn’t disagree with hellion as a fitting term for our children.”

“You’re right, I didn’t. I did sell my soul to the devil after all.” Leaning up you kissed him lightly before settling back into his side, his fingers spinning the ring on your hand. The conversation fell quiet for several minutes, both of you lost in deep thought.

John broke the barrier again with his confession, “Before you, I never could have imagined having a family of my own, and now, it burns me that I’ll never get to experience it with you. I’ll never get to see you round with my child. That I’ll never get to hold our babies in my arms… that might be the cruelest thing of it all.”

“You would have been the most wonderful father John.”

“Y/N, our children would have been blessed beyond measure to have you as their mother.”

Leaning down Doc brushed your lips together, your noses bumping gently before he pressed himself to you. The kiss deepened as his tongue slipped into your mouth, exploring the taste of you. His hands found their way into your hair, gripping the soft strands tightly as he struggled to keep his breathing steady. No matter his desire, John’s body finally lost the battle to stay connected to you. His lungs gave a great heave, sending a new layer of sweat to the surface. With a groan Doc fell back against his pillows, trying to shield you from his agony, but you wouldn’t let him. Instead, you held him tight, drawing comforting shapes on his shoulders as he rode the wave. As his body calmed, you helped him slide down onto the bed, tucking yourself into his side.

Time moved slowly in the ward, the sound of the hospital echoed through the space, creating a dreadful symphony of death and grieving, which you tried vigorously to ignore. Your focus was trained on Doc as he slept, your own body exhausted to the point where sleep was not an option unless brought about by a fainting spell. You weren’t sure exactly what brought the idea to mind, but for the first time in a long time, you truly prayed, begging God to hear you, to cast pity on you and John despite your life choices. You may have been shouting into a void, but the idea of someone higher than yourself listening brought a semblance of peace to you for the time being.

The sky was growing dim when John woke again. A different nurse came by to deliver dinner, and help the pair of you adjust your seating. The nurse had only been gone a few minutes when a hand yanked the curtain back with a bit too much vigor.

“How ya feeling Y/N? Doc?” Wyatt’s bright voice was a tad too cheerful for the space.

The chair Wyatt had moved to the bedside screeched loudly on the floor as he adjusted its position, speaking again once he was settled.

“So, Doc, how ‘bout a game of poker?”

“You sure about that Wyatt? I mean takin’ money from a dying man… that sounds like a questionable endeavor at best.” You couldn’t help, but laugh at the look your brother gave you, it was one of incredulity and happiness.

“You wound me Y/N. I may be shaking hands with the reaper, but I’ll be damned if I deny Wyatt the opportunity to have his pockets emptied by me one more time. Deal me in Earp!”

“Now that’s more like it! Oh, and it wouldn’t be a game without something to drink!” Wyatt secretively pulled a bottle of Old Overholt Rye from his coat, a trio of cups appearing from the other.

“A game indeed. Wyatt, you are a brilliant man.” John’s southern drawl was thick as he admired his friend’s eagerness.

All you could do was shake your head and accept the cup of whiskey from your brother. Wyatt and Doc fell into an easy rapport as the cards were dealt. You loved seeing the two of them like this, light and carefree. It wasn’t often that the two of them had the chance to just enjoy each other’s company. Rationally, you knew that even this visit wasn’t simple, but it felt unencumbered, and you’d take the false sense of safety for however long it lasted.

---------------

The next several days passed in the same manner. You and John wrapped in each other’s arms, allowing yourselves to indulge in your physical desires in every way your ailing bodies would allow. The quiet moments in between spent sharing your thoughts about a future together that would never be. Wyatt always joined you in the evenings after dinner to play poker with John. Even in this state Doc was obviously the better player. Virgil visited you as well, never staying for very long, but making sure you knew how much he loved you before he left. Having your family’s support should have been nothing but positive. However, in truth, it pained you to have them near as you continued down a steady decline. Each time they showed up it ripped the wound in your heart open fresh, and the agony was simply too much. You knew it was probably wrong, but you didn’t want them to see you die, you couldn’t add that to the list of traumatic memories. The only person who you felt safe hurting at this juncture was John because it was mutually assured destruction, one could not go on without the other.

……..

“John?” Your feeble voice blew over his chest as your cheek was pressed into the crook of his shoulder.

“Yes darlin’ ”

“I can’t do it anymore. I can’t see my brothers come in here day after day, and watch their faces sink as I fade away. I just can’t do it anymore.” Your nose prickled with the feeling of holding back tears.

“What can I do Y/N?”

“Will you talk to Wyatt for me?”

“Of course darlin’ ” He knew what you were asking without your needing to express it fully. Even as his time here grew shorter, John Henry Holliday would do anything to ease your pain.

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One night after a particularly rough day, Doc asked Wyatt to stay for a minute so they could talk. John believed you had fallen asleep on his chest, but in reality, you were simply just too exhausted to hold your eyes open, your ears were still attuned to the conversation around you.

“Wyatt, you are my best friend, and I am forever grateful for that. But, I’m asking this favor of you, please say your goodbyes and don’t come back.”

The look on Wyatt’s face was crushing. Doc knew what he was asking was going to feel impossible for Wyatt, but he had promised you he’d do what he could.

“I know what I’m asking feels wrong, like it’s going against everything in you, but I need you to listen to me. Seeing you, seeing Virgil, it causes her pain. She loves you both dearly, but the grief in your eyes is too much for her.”

“But Doc, I can’t just walk away… not now.”

“I know you think you can’t, but you can.”

“Doc, that’s-”

“Just think about it Wyatt, okay?”

“Alright Doc, I will.”

You could feel John’s body move as Wyatt patted his friend’s shoulder before stooping down to place a kiss on your head.

….

The date on the calendar next to the bed read November 8, 1877. The nurses had been using the pad to keep track of your meals, consuming food had become nearly impossible for both you and John. The previous night had been torturous, your body convulsing as your muscles contracted involuntarily. Your lungs felt full as if you were drowning on dry land. Sweat poured from your skin, soaking everything you touched. The world around you slipped in and out of focus, your only anchor point being the familiar sensation of John by your side. John was no better off. He too was tumbling into the abyss as pain clouded his mind. The fluid in his lungs was enough to make his breathing a wet gurglet. His coughs were unlike anything you’d heard before, the sound genuinely terrifying. His damp skin white hot with fever. The pressure of your body clinging to his was his only reminder of reality. Speaking was a struggle, so you both relied on gentle touches to communicate with one another. John lightly traced the back of your hand as it rested on his chest, while you rubbed a figure eight on the chest of his chest.

You weren’t sure what time it was, but the zing of metal on metal clanked in your ears as someone pulled back the curtain. Both you and John opened your eyes, working to focus on the person standing next to your bed. It was a priest, dressed in his church attire, a Bible clutched in his hand as he looked down at your both.

His voice was shockingly kind as he spoke, “Mr. and Mrs. Holliday, I’m Father Feeney. I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind me reading a bit to you as you rest.”

It was Doc that spoke up, his voice cracking with first use, “You’re already here, so go on then.” Both of you closed your eyes, choosing to conserve the energy.

Father Feeney opened his Bible, the thin pages swooshing as the turned them. His voice possessed a soothing tone as he spoke. The man stayed for a while, mostly reading, but occasionally asking questions. There was no judgment in his face as he listened to the pair of you speak. After some time, Father Feeney turned to leave, but not before praying for God to guide your spirits to Him. The gesture felt both ominous and comforting.

In the distance you could hear heavy footsteps on the floor approaching your bed, they paused for a few seconds before resuming. The sound of a chair being pulled to the side of the bed told you that it was Wyatt who had come to visit. Doc’s eyes opened to look over at his friend.

“Hello, Wyatt. Father Feeney and I were just… investigating the mysteries of the Church of Rome. It appears my hypocrisy knows no bounds.”

“You’re no hypocrite, Doc. You just like to sound like one. Brought you something.” Wyatt tucked a small paperback book under your hand which rested on John’s chest, his larger palm covering your own.

“Well, let’s see, where are we today? I’m $17 down to ya. Two bits a hand. Stud?” Wyatt dug out a paper he’d been keeping track of his debt on as he spoke. You could feel John’s body tense as he listened to his friend.

“You keep comin’ back here. I told you not to and I meant it.”

“You’re the only person I can afford to lose to anymore. How we feeling today Doc? Y/N?” Your eyes had opened during the last bit of the exchange easing Wyatt’s fears just a touch.

“We’re dying. How are you?” Your voice strained with effort as you spoke, each word raspy as your lungs fought against the ache.

“Pretty much the same.”

“So now we add self-pity to our list of frailties.” Doc’s quip harsher than he intended.

“All right, Doc. All right, how many cards you want?”

A small pause hung in the air before John spoke again.

“I don’t want to play anymore.”

“How many?”

“Damn you. You’re the most fallible, stubborn, self-deluded, bullheaded man I’ve ever known in my entire life.”

“I call.” Wyatt grabbed the cards he’d placed in Doc’s hands, checking to see the outcome.

“You win.”

“Yet with all, you and Y/N are the only human beings in my entire life who ever gave me hope.”

Wyatt’s head dropped lower to his chest, his eyes trained on the floor.

“I knew from the moment I met your sister that she was the one, the only thing I’d ever truly want”

“That’s good Doc.” The words felt too intimate for Wyatt, but he didn’t have the heart to stop his friend.

“And when you asked me to join you that night at the Bird Cage, I had no idea how much life would change in the matter of a few hours. She’s all I’ve ever wanted Wyatt, thank you for helping bring her back to me.”

Wyatt didn’t have the words, he just nodded his head and reached for your hand.

“John stole the words from my mouth. Thank you Wyatt for bringing him back to me. And thank you for loving me, I know it wasn’t easy. I love you, Wyatt.”

“I love you too Y/N.”

“What do you want Wyatt?” Your question threw your brother off guard.

“Just to live a normal life.”

“There’s no normal life Wyatt. There’s just life. Now get on with it.”

“Don’t know how.”

“Sure you do. Say good bye. Go grab that spirited actress and make her your own. Take that beauty and run, don’t look back.”

“Live every second right up to the hilt. Live Wyatt.” John’s voice joined yours as he added his own parting advice.

“Live for us, Wyatt.” Your eyes brimmed with wetness as you noticed the rim of tears forming in Wyatt’s eyes. John could feel your heartbeat slowing as, your grip on his body grew weak, your breathing already haphazard. John knew it was time for Wyatt to leave.

“Wyatt, if you ever were my friend, if you ever had even the slightest feelin’ for me, leave now… leave now. Please?”

Tears rolled down John’s face as he pleaded with his friend. He felt his own body falter as he watched Wyatt stand from his chair to wrap you in a final embrace. Wyatt’s gentle hands rested on your body as his lips found a home on your temple. He’d never be ready to let you go, but he knew Doc was right, it was time.

“Thanks for always bein’ there Doc. An' thanks for keeping her safe, helping her find happiness again.”

John nodded somberly to Wyatt as he moved away from the bed, and stumbled away in a haze of grief.

Your breathing was irregular, and slow, long gaps of time lapsed between inhales. John’s own body was just behind yours. With what little strength John still possessed he pressed himself closer to you, his cheek resting on the top of your head. That’s when he remembered the book in your hand. Lifting your fingers with great care John took the gift from you, letting your palm rest flat on his chest.

Doc took a good look at the book Wyatt had given him, as he read the title his heart filled with contentment and a smile pulled at the corners of his lips. The book cover read, “My Friend Doc Holliday by Wyatt Earp.”

John placed the book down next to him with reverence before holding your hand in his. Taking in the empty room around him, Doc’s eyes settled on his bare feet poking out from the edge of the blanket. The sight of himself without boots brought a silent chuckle to him. He’d envisioned his own death many times, but even he never truly believed that it would come to take him in this way… in bed, with the great love of his life held in his arms, finally at peace with the world. John felt your chest stop moving, your hand falling limp in his. With the one thing holding him here gone, Doc let himself self slip away. His parting words to you, spoken with his final breath.

“To the bitter end my darlin’, just like we promised. ”

The End

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Final Author's Note:

An enormous thank you to all of you who have taken the time to read this story. I cannot express how much your likes, comments, and reblogs have meant to me. I have felt so much love and support from you all, and it truly warms my heart. I didn't know what I was getting into when I posted this story, but I can't wait to write more. I am incredibly proud of myself for taking the plunge and sharing my first story. Thanks for sticking around & I hope you continue to check back in as more stories go up in the future.

#doc holliday x reader #doc holliday #tombstone 1993 #val kilmer

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