#literally this has been my first week of class and I've been all over the place 😪

[flickeringflame216]

🗒

[verystressedcollegestudent]

if there's one thing i hate more than slackers in group projects its goddamn hypocrites

[lakesbian]

nobody move. i've just successfully articulated the sentiment that taylor's power turns her into a panopticon because she was living in one & explained her trigger in a way i feel satisfied with for the first time in my life

the concept of the panopticon is not just about surveillance, but about creating an environment where people cannot be sure whether or not they are being surveilled, and thus must constantly act under the assumption that they are. which is exactly what happened to taylor--we see from when we first meet her in the school that she's anticipating attack from every possible direction to avoid it, and the one time she lets her guard down a fraction and assumes she's found a safe spot to hide from abuse, she's targeted with the juice spills. and this is after her trigger event, but it's clear she behaves this way because it was beaten into her over the entire course of the bullying. it's what she describes when she recounts the trigger:

“I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop.  But I made a friend, one of the girls who had sometimes joined in on the taunting came to me and apologized.  ...  Her approaching me and befriending me was one of the big reasons I could think the harassment was ending.  I never really let my guard down around her, but she was pretty cool about it. “And for most of November and the two weeks of classes before Christmas break, nothing.  They were leaving me alone.  I was able to relax.” I sighed, “That ended the day I came back from the winter break. I knew, instinctually, that they were playing me, that they were waiting before they pulled their next stunt, so it had more impact. I didn’t think they’d be so patient about it. I went to my locker, and well, they’d obviously raided the bins from the girls bathrooms or something, because they’d piled used pads and tampons into my locker. Almost filled it.”

the precise moment when she stopped consciously anticipating and preparing to react to abuse--when she relaxed, when she stopped acting as if the lack of danger didn't mean that she couldn't still be hurt at any time--is when she was brutally reminded that she's never safe. she's still in the panopticon. she isn't literally being watched every second, she isn't literally in lifelong danger of having her vulnerabilities exploited, but it feels like she is. she can never ever be sure she's safe.

so she triggers, and she gets a power that turns her into a panopticon, and lets her watch everyone right back. it lets her regain control by turning her into a source of danger that could attack anywhere, from any direction, any time, fully unexpected.

& the reason her power enables her to watch Everyone--not just a single person, or a few people--but Everyone, is that the other major aspect of her trigger is the trauma of facts like this:

“It was pretty obvious that they had done it before the school closed for Christmas, by the smell alone. I bent over to throw up, right there in a crowded hallway, everyone watching. Before I could recover or stop losing my breakfast, someone grabbed me by the hair, hard enough it hurt, and shoved me into the locker.”

"All I could think was that someone had been willing to get their hands that dirty to fuck with me, but of all the students that had seen me get shoved in the locker, nobody was getting a janitor or teacher to let me out."

for months, for years, she was in a community where everyone regularly witnessed her humiliation and abuse, and everyone, dozens and dozens of kids and teachers, either contributed to it or was knowingly, silently complacent. this is what sticks with her: the idea that she is so universally reviled, so deserving of revile, that any crowd of witnesses would, without hesitation, consign her to the filth of the locker.

what else is she supposed to conclude, but that everyone she interacts with is a threat? that she can't drop her guard ever again, because no one will be coming to help her if she does? of course she has to become the panopticon. of course she has to watch everyone, all of the time, if she wants to stop it from happening again. of course she has to live among the teeming lowly and crawling things she has been taught via one firm shove that she is worth less than, and of course she has to use them to watch everyone back. and it would be inaccurate to say that doing this--monitoring everything with her bugs--makes her feel safe. all it does is allow her to remain in a constant state of paranoia and traumatized hyper-vigilance more efficiently.

[in-my-feels-probably]

Older Art spoiling his 20 something yo girlfriend that goes to Stanford. She looks up to him and listens to him and does whatever he says and basically lives for his praise.

I Feel So High School (Every Time I Look At You)

Request: Older Art spoiling his 20 something yo girlfriend that goes to Stanford. She looks up to him and listens to him and does whatever he says and basically lives for his praise.

and: art being 10ish years older than reader? that’s all i got. go crazy

Hi! Challengers has been on my mind literally since the day it came out, and I think I've read every single fic on here about it, so I figured I’d give it a shot writing one myself. First of all, I combined your requests, hope that’s ok. Second, this is my first time writing for Art, so please bear with me while I try and get the hang of writing his character. I haven’t written a fic in weeks, so my skills are definitely a little rusty. Please be kind! Anyways, I hope you like this. Let me know what you think, and thank you for the request :)

(Warnings: none? idk, maybe very vague mentions of sex, art is divorced, swearing, i guess the age gap taboo. let me know if i missed anything)

—

You should have known trying to explain your situation with Art to someone else would’ve been difficult, but finally telling your roommate everything was just as humiliating as you thought it would be. She always had a knack for nosing her way into your business, and not even you were immune to her federal level detective skills when it came to getting information out of someone. 

“And I’m seeing him today,” you finished your rant as you sucked in a breath, wincing as you waited for the bomb to drop.

But it didn’t. Your roommate just grinned, standing up and walking over to your closet. You watched with a confused look on your face until she turned to you, already elbow deep in your clothes.

“So…you have a sugar daddy?” your roommate asked, trying to stifle a laugh as she rifled through your closet to help you find an outfit. “No judgment, I’m honestly jealous.”

You picked a pillow up off your bed, launching it at her when she smirked as you flushed. “I don’t have a sugar daddy! I have a…well—ok, I don’t know what we are. But he’s not my sugar daddy.”

“No, he’s just an ex pro tennis player with a famous ex wife who was also a pro tennis player that he had a perfect little girl with, complete with a house in the Hamptons. Now, he’s…what, exactly? A coach? A commentator? Part of Stanford’s glorified alumni? No, I’ve got it! I know what he is — hot. In a beekeeping age, recently divorced, kind of way.”

You rolled your eyes, standing up to help her look through your closet. “He’s only in his thirties. You’re making him sound archaic and washed up.”

“Look at you, gushing over him,” she grinned as she finally landed on something for you to wear, quickly handing it to you. “At least he has good taste. You’re hot, too.”

Your roommate turned around while you quickly changed, sitting down at the foot of your bed. She talked over her shoulder as you got dressed, her voice full of curiosity.

“So, how did this all happen anyway?”

You sighed, shaking your head. “Remember alumni week with all the guest lectures and presentations a few months ago?”

“You met Art Donaldson during alumni week? What the fuck! Why didn’t you tell me? I wouldn’t have skipped all my classes that week if I thought I was gonna pick up a trophy husband instead of being forced to sit through a mind-numbingly boring presentation from some guy who used to go here that I’ve never heard of.”

“Sucks to suck, babe,” you grinned, finished getting dressed. “I’m good, you can turn around now.”

She quickly turned around, patting the spot on the bed next to her.

“How did this even happen? I’ve never seen you step foot on a tennis court in your life, and I know they wouldn’t have asked him to speak in a graduate lecture.”

You sat down next to her, nodding. “He did a seminar down at the courts for the kinesiology majors or something like that. They were learning about sports related injuries and how to treat them. He told them about how he hurt his shoulder a few years ago during a match, and he talked about all the physical therapy he had to do.”

“You’re telling me you sat through a kinesiology lecture? On a tennis court? When you don’t even study kinesiology?”

“Absolutely not,” you laughed, leaning back against the headboard. “He told me about it that first week while he was here.”

Your roommate giggled, grabbing your hand and squeezing it. “Oh my god! Okay, okay. Spill. Now. I want to know everything.”

You playfully rolled your eyes, but started ranting again anyway. 

—

In truth, you didn’t really know what your relationship with Art was. You’d met when returning alumni who’d gone on to excel in their fields came to campus for guest lectures and demonstrations.

In a total mortifying cliche, you ran into Art in a hallway while you were rushing to a lecture that had already started ten minutes earlier. You would have been on time, but your roommate accidentally locked herself out of your dorm, and the RA wasn’t answering their phone. She had an exam she needed to get to, which—in her own words—“trumps your boring book lecture.” You had no choice but to turn around and save her, making the trek back across campus to let her in. That’s how you ended up running face first into Art, your bag and all your things scattering across the floor. By some miracle, at least the halls were empty.

You quickly kneeled, scrambling to pick up all your things. “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going. I’m late for class.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, kneeling to help you.

It was then when you looked up, and you felt your heart jump into your throat. Art Donaldson—famous alumni and world renowned tennis player—was crouched right in front of you, handing you half empty tubes of chapstick, a pair of headphones, and a stray pack of gum. Oh god, you thought to yourself. Why me? Why today? You quickly cleared your throat, standing up.

“God, sorry. Thanks…Mr. Donaldson.”

You cringed as you said it, the title of Mr. feeling off as it rolled off your tongue.

“Mr. Donaldson?” he raised a brow, shaking his head. “No, just call me Art. Uh, you know who I am? Am I actually still recognizable here? I figured no one off of the courts would have any idea who I was.”

You glanced down at his shirt, pointing. “You’re wearing a name tag.”

Art paled, raising a hand to awkwardly scratch at the back of his neck. Good one, he thought to himself. Very humble. He cringed to himself as his cheeks flushed, a small smile on his face.

“Right. I knew that.”

You smiled, pulling your bag back over your shoulder as you let out a little chuckle. “I know who you are. Stanford never lets us forget about their prized students.”

“Ah,” he nodded, grinning. “In my day, it was Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Connelly. Although, Reese dropped out halfway through her degree, so they don’t talk about her much—”

“And Jennifer left Yale to come study here,” you finished. “That’s one they do still brag about.”

Art smiled, leaning back against the wall as he looked at you. You suddenly became very aware of your situation, tearing your eyes away from him to look down the hall where your class was. Art’s eyes followed, and he straightened up, clearing his throat.

“Am I keeping you?”

“No!” you said all too quickly, biting your tongue for a second before you forced yourself to calm down and continue. “Uh, my class already started. It’s not really important, he doesn’t count attendance anyway. And, to be honest, he’s pretty dull. He managed to make Jane Austen boring.”

“Not Bazin’s class, is it?” Art asked, making you raise a brow.

“Yeah, it is. How’d you know that?”

Art smiled, letting out a little laugh. “That’s why I came this way, I wanted to see if Professor Bazin still taught English here. He was a dinosaur even when I graduated. I’m surprised they still let him teach.”

“If they actually read the end of term course evaluations they make us fill out, they wouldn’t,” you mused, making Art grin wider.

“I guess I should let you go then,” Art shrugged, glancing down the hall. “Wouldn’t want you to miss out on something you could use in your scathing evaluation.”

You glanced back down the hallway at your classroom, but you couldn’t get your feet to move. You weren’t sure why, but you didn’t want to go just yet. 

All you did at Stanford was go to and from class and stay on top of your studies. It was monotonous and boring, and you were always up to your neck in papers and projects. Other than your roommate, you hardly had any people left you talked to or hung out with. They all graduated with their undergrad degrees, and you moved on to your graduate studies. Your education was important to you, but it got lonely. You almost never took risks anymore. But as you glanced back at him, that’s what you did.

You took the risk.

“Or…you could save me from my misery?” you stuttered out, an awkward smile on your face.

Art looked at you with an amused expression, tilting his head as he waited for you to continue. You swallowed, fiddling with the strap of your bag.

“My classes are almost all entirely in this building. I’m sure you’re sick of talking about tennis, but between here and my dorm, I don’t think I see enough sunlight in a day to keep me going. Maybe you could walk with me somewhere that actually sees the sun? Doesn’t have to be the courts or anything, although I can say with full confidence that I’ve never actually seen that part of campus and I’m in my graduate studies. Uh, maybe you’ve got somewhere in mind? Or you could let me buy you a cup of shitty cafeteria coffee? I promise I’ll refrain from asking you about your career. But, as I’m sure you can tell just by looking at me, I don’t really know enough about tennis to ask anyway.”

As you rambled on, horrified by your own rambling but determined to put yourself out there, Art smiled. 

He’d met a lot of girls over the years. Some girls who had a genuine interest in him but didn’t last, and some who saw his fame and fortune as a one way ticket to an easy life. 

None of them mattered. 

He had married Tashi, head over heels from the first moment he saw her. He had a kid with her, a career with her, a seemingly picture perfect life with her. It didn’t even occur to him to look at other girls until his marriage started to strain under the weight of his career, and he’d almost forgotten what it was like to look at a girl for the first time and feel that sickening but addictive feeling of butterflies fluttering around in his stomach. After the divorce, it felt so foreign to him that he didn’t even try. He had resigned himself to being a single father who co-parents and lives the rest of his life comfortably and quietly.

But here you were, rambling on with flushed cheeks and bright eyes trying your hardest to ask him out, and he couldn’t be more captivated.

There was just something about you. You were pretty, obviously. Anyone with eyes would’ve been able to see that. But there was something else, too. You were still young and not entirely pessimistic yet, with your whole career ahead of you. Probably no more than a few heartbreaks under your belt, able to muster up some sort of courage to fight for what you wanted. He used to have that, and he missed it — admired it, even. As you finally cut yourself off and looked up at him with mortification written across your face, Art saved you from further embarrassment with a smile. 

“Um…coffee sounds good,” he said with a shy smile. “Not from the cafeteria, though. If it’s as bad as it was when I went here, I’m not gonna let you waste your meal card money on it. There’s a cart outside of the athletics center, I stopped by it this morning. It’s still good.”

Trying your best to mask the shock you were feeling by his answer, you quickly nodded. “Oh, okay. Sounds good.”

You spent the entire afternoon with him. Coffee turned into lunch, and lunch turned into a long walk. Although you both had things to do, neither of you wanted to say goodbye and go on with your day. You skipped the rest of your classes for the day, letting Art show you around campus. He took you to all the places you had never been, and you kept quiet and let him show you anyway when you passed somewhere you had already been a hundred times. He was polite and asked you about your major and career goals, even managing a graceful smile when it was his turn to tell you about his career and how it unfolded after he graduated. He was careful to leave out the end, but he found himself comfortable enough to tell you about the first few years. You asked what you could, but you really didn’t know enough about the sport to ask much of anything.

“I’m boring you to death, aren’t I?” he asked when there was a lapse in silence after you passed a poster with his face on it for a Wimbledon campaign.

“No, not at all!” you replied, tilting your head up towards the poster. “I’m just wondering how you managed it.”

Art cocked a brow, turning towards you. “Managed what?”

“Not becoming a complete asshole,” you shrugged, making him burst out laughing. “I’m serious! You’re not the first celebrity to come here during alumni week. The difference between you and them is that you didn’t show up and immediately start bragging about how successful you had become. As far as I can tell, you’re the same as when you graduated. That seems pretty rare.”

“There’s not much to brag about,” he shrugged, too humble for his own good.

“A career Grand Slam isn’t worth bragging about?” you asked, turning away from him when he gave you a confused look. “Okay, fine, I may or may not have Googled you back in the restaurant while you were in the bathroom. I was running out of things to ask you, and I figured I should know something about tennis. Anyway, I was impressed.”

Art just chuckled. “I’m flattered.”

After walking a few more minutes, the street lamps turned on. It had gotten late enough in the evening that they were starting to light up around the darker parts of the campus. It was your cue to stop walking and look around, both of you realizing how long it had been since you started talking.

“I guess I should be headed back to my dorm,” you said, a hint of disappointment in your voice. “My roommate is probably freaking out by now. She knows I never really go anywhere after class without her—and yes, I heard how pathetic that sounded as it came out. She’s probably gonna call campus security if I don’t show up soon.”

Art nodded, knowing you were right. And yet, his feet didn’t move. Neither of you made any attempt to leave, still standing under the soft light of the street lamps. Art looked at you with soft eyes, absentmindedly reaching to fiddle with his wedding ring with his thumb before he remembered it wasn’t there anymore. Finally, he cleared his throat. 

“Well…I guess this is the part where I ask you for your number.”

“It was nice meeting you, too—” you started, doing a double take once his words registered. “Wait, what?”

Art let out a nervous laugh, shrugging. “You bought me a coffee, it’s only fair that I do the same. I’m here all week. Maybe you’d want to do this again sometime?”

“Uh, yeah! Yeah, that sounds good,” you replied, trying your best and failing to sound as nonchalant as you could.

Art smiled and pulled out his phone, opening his contacts. He handed it over to you, watching as you typed in your number before handing his phone back to him. You fought the heat pooling in your cheeks, fiddling with the strap of your bag. Art grinned, breaking the silence. 

“Go find your roommate. Tell her to call off the search party.”

You chuckled, nodding. “I’m on it. Well…bye, Art.”

“Bye, Y/N. I’ll text you,” he replied, enjoying watching you shuffle back and forth on your heels. 

He made you nervous. And for some reason, he liked that. He’d spent practically the last decade of his life perpetually nervous. It was nice to know someone else felt the same way. 

He watched you go as you turned around and headed back to your dorm, a distant but still familiar warmth in his chest. He’d only known you for a few hours, but he could already tell he liked you. By the time you made it back to your dorm and managed to come up with an excuse for your roommate who immediately interrogated you the second you stepped through the door, your phone was ringing. You excused yourself to the bathroom with a bashful grin on your face, answering the call.

—

You spent the better part of a week with Art when you both had time between your classes and his seminars. 

It felt surprisingly easy and normal talking to him. Your small talk about your careers and plans turned into more personal topics, and then you were talking about anything and everything. You were fully aware of the age gap between you two, but it didn’t bother you nearly as much as you thought it would. If anything, it was part of the draw to him. He was also kind and friendly, with a surprisingly self deprecating sense of humor that made you laugh. Not to mention the fact that he was drop dead gorgeous. You had to actively make sure he didn’t catch you staring at him when his head was turned. He made you want to actually giggle out loud, which is something you never thought you’d do over a guy.

By the end of the week when it was time for him to leave and go back to New York, you both were dreading saying goodbye. 

It was late in the evening, about an hour before he had to leave to catch his flight. He’d finally taken you to the courts, once again only lit by the street lamps overhead. It was the first time all week he’d stepped onto the court and actually wanted to be there, not surrounded by onlookers who knew every nook and cranny of his life and career. Instead it was you, the sweet pretty girl who made him genuinely laugh when you asked him why the points system would ever use the term love to describe a lacking score. 

He fiddled around for a while, teaching you a few serves and how to hold the racquet to hit the ball. Eventually he was on the other side of the net, watching you giggle and chase after the few balls he’d softly serve your way. He could hear you panting and the sound of your shoes skidding across the court, but your laughter was too sweet to make him stop. 

Finally, you stopped to take a break, sitting down on the bench. “Don’t look at me, I might cough up a lung.”

“Very impressive,” he smiled, passing you his water.

“Thank you,” you grinned, motioning between him in the court. “Go on, let’s see what you’ve got. I’m down for the count, but I’m sure the ball machine will be more than happy to fill in for me.”

Art smiled, watching you grin at him with flushed cheeks and glowy skin. If anyone else was asking, he wouldn’t have done it. He wasn’t interested in showing off his skills, or lack thereof to put it more accurately as of late — he’d stopped training as intensely after the divorce, no new tournaments waiting for him to come and win. But the look on your face when you asked was just one he couldn’t say no to. Plus, your knowledge of the sport wasn’t that vast. You probably wouldn’t notice if he slipped up anyway. And if you did, you’d be too kind to make him feel bad about it.

“If you insist,” he groaned, but he was still smiling to himself as he moved to the other side of the court.

You watched him play for a few more minutes. He really was something to see. Every movement he made was smooth and graceful, a far cry from the stumbling around and huffing and puffing you had been doing. Every ball hit its target, every serve lining up exactly where he wanted it to. As silly as it sounded, you actually had to prevent yourself from clapping once he finally slowed down and turned the machine off.

“Look at you go,” you smiled from the bench, handing him back his water as he walked back over.

His cheeks flushed pink, and he was silently praying you couldn’t see it from under the low lights. He was too busy getting all flustered to reply to you, and it made you smile. It was silent for a long moment as you stared at each other, before he finally stood up. You followed him, a sinking feeling in your gut as you realized that it was probably time to say goodbye.

It had been a week you had never even dreamed would’ve happened to you, and yet it did. The one risk you decided to take had led to the most fun you’d had in your entire time at Stanford. You didn’t want to see him go.

As you looked up at him with soft eyes and a melancholy look on your face, like you were looking to him for all the answers, Art felt a sharp tug in his chest. He found himself immediately wanting to fix it, wanting to make you smile again — smile because of him. He’d have done anything in that moment to get you to laugh again.

So, against his better judgment, he leaned in and kissed you. 

It was a spur of the moment decision, one he almost immediately regretted. But then he felt you sink into the kiss, your hands coming up to his waist to steady yourself. He cupped your cheeks and pulled you into him, unable to stop the smile spreading across his lips. 

And that was all it took — he was falling, and falling hard. 

—

That was months ago now, and yet, Art still found reasons to visit you. 

When there was lapses in tours, or it was Tashi’s week with Lily, he always somehow found himself ending up coming right back to you. He’d pick you up from your dorm, and you’d spend the entire day with him. On weekends, you ended up in whatever hotel he was staying at, telling your roommate you were going back home for a few days. When you weren’t together, you were constantly texting or calling. He even sent a postcard once when the ATP took him to Europe. It was cheesy, but you couldn’t wipe the smile off your face all day when you got it in the mail. 

You hadn’t exactly put a label on the relationship, but it was clear to the both of you that you meant more to each other than either of you cared to admit out loud. Quite a bit more, actually.

And Art wasn’t stupid — he knew what your relationship looked like. 

Recently divorced, a younger woman by his side. If they knew, the media would paint him as one of two options: an easily manipulated victim of a gold digger, or a washed up athlete who split with his wife that was now taking what he could get, the younger and prettier the better. 

But that wasn’t it at all for Art.

It wasn’t just sex, or a new pretty face. You were something different. A breath of fresh air. Someone who didn’t care about his career or money or fame. You had no interest in what he could offer you, or what you could get out of him. You never made him feel pressured to do anything or talk about anything he didn’t want to. He’d spent so many years craving a sense of normalcy and peace. Time and time again, he’d wanted to go to Tashi and beg for a break in his routine. But, always too afraid to disappoint her and everyone else watching him, he stayed quiet. He never got a break. As odd as it was to say, that’s what you were to him when he met you — a break. A minute to breathe, a moment to relax. He always felt that way around you.

Simply put, he was head over heels for you. He didn’t think he’d feel like that for another woman after Tashi until he met you, and it shocked him how easily the feeling came to him.

And it wasn’t just him that had fallen. 

You practically hung on every word he said, and soaked up every ounce of praise he gave you. You had never been with someone like him before. Someone so experienced and sure of himself, but just as gentle and patient as he was sure. He made you laugh and smile, and he made you feel safe. For whatever reason he had taken interest in you, you didn’t care, you just didn’t want it to stop. You clung to it, enjoying it while it lasted.

And if either of you had anything to say about it, it would last.

—

By the time you finished explaining your relationship with Art to your roommate, she was already pushing you out the door. 

“Go, go, go,” she squealed, tossing you your keys. “Wait!”

She wrapped her hand around your wrist, stopping you in your tracks as she glanced down at the outfit she chose. “Is that a new dress? Did he buy you a dress? Oh my god, please tell me he has a brother.”

“Not sure,” you grinned, smoothing your hand down your front. “Show up to alumni week next time and find out.”

You were already pressing a kiss to her cheek and rushing down the hall before she could get out another word, giggling as you made your way to the stairs.

On the drive over to the hotel, the nerves in your stomach were making you nervously tap your fingers on the steering wheel. You must’ve got caught by every stop light, making the trip even longer. You were practically vibrating once you finally pulled into the parking lot, grabbing your bag and hurrying inside before your nerves got the better of you and made you stand like an idiot in the lobby, trying to muster up the courage to get in the elevator. You coasted on autopilot as you forced your feet to lead you upstairs to his floor, all the way down to his door. You only came back into your body when you raised a hand to knock on the door, pausing to take a deep breath.

Just knock, you thought to yourself. You’re a big girl. Just knock.

You had barely even knocked twice on the door before the door swung open, and you came face to face with Art. Your breath hitched in your throat, and you took a second to take him in. Still as pretty as you remembered, and every bit as alluring. You could feel yourself melting. 

The feeling was mutual. 

Art let out a sigh of relief, like it was the first good breath he had taken in weeks. A genuine smile crept onto his face as he reached for you, practically making grabby hands like a child. 

“Come here, pretty girl.”

You tried and failed to stifle a giggle, immediately burying yourself in his chest. You let out a hmph as you pressed your cheek against him, your arms wrapping tightly around his waist. You could feel his thumb running along the bare skin of your arm, his lips pressing a kiss to the top of your head. He nudged the door closed with his foot, tugging your bag from your shoulder and setting it on the floor without even letting you go. He was warm to the touch, and steady against you. He hummed into your hair, squeezing you tighter.

“There she is,” he murmured, letting out a small laugh. “My girl.”

“Hi, baby,” you giggled, the sound making his heart soar in his chest. 

He slowly walked you backwards to the bed, supporting most of your weight as you laid down. He was quick to follow, burying his face into the crook of your shoulder. His arms hooked lazily around your waist, his weight pressing you into the mattress.

This is what you both had been waiting for. This feeling, this moment. Just this.

“You look very pretty today,” he whispered into your skin, pressing a kiss where his lips rested. “All this for me?”

The humor in his voice made you grin, your fingers running through his hair. “Couldn’t let you be that pretty all by yourself.”

Art smiled, pressing his face further into your neck as he let out a breath. You tightened your grip around him, holding him close. You let your eyes close, resting your cheek against the top of his head. 

A comfortable silence fell over the both of you, as easy as it ever was.

—

A/N - Hi! So sorry this took so long to get out, thank you for your patience. I keep rereading this and editing it over and over, I’m not totally happy with it. But something is better than nothing, and I’m tired of staring at, so here you go! Hope this is ok, let me know what you think :)

[sanguineterrain]

redamancy | steve harrington

Summary: redamancy (n.) - the act of loving someone who loves you back; a love returned in full // or, four times you kissed Steve Harrington, and one time he finally kissed you back.

Pairing: Steve Harrington x fem!reader

Word count: 5.2k

Warnings/tags: friends to lovers, 5+1 fic format, no use of y/n, FLUFF, PINING PINING, injured s4 steve, hospital setting, general vecna angst (eddie's alive bc i will never kill eddie in my fics), bed sharing, happy ending, and kissing. if that wasn't clear. :)

A/N: fun fact: this is the first time i've written a 5+1 fic! technically it's 4+1 but whatevs. if you enjoy this fic, please give it a reblog and support your local steve harrington tumblrina.

divider by firefly-graphics

i. the promise 

"Would you ever get married?" 

You open your eyes. The setting sun nearly blinds you through the windshield. Immediately, you stick out a hand to block it. 

You're still reclined all the way back in the passenger seat, because Steve's fancy schmancy BMW can do that. He frequently lectures you about doing it while he's driving. Have I taught you nothing? Road safety! 

"I mean, I guess so," you say. "If someone ever wants to put a ring on me."

You sit up and pull down the sun visor. Steve turns. His hair lightens in the summer, shades of reddish blond peeking through. He insists his hair has never been anything but brown, fiercely pledging his allegiance to brunettes. You coo at his highlights all the same. 

"I want to," he says after a minute. "I wanna get married." 

You're parked down the block from your house. You should've gotten out ten minutes ago, but there's never any rush when you're with Steve.

"The line to wed you will be out the door, champ," you say around a grin. 

"Hm. I dunno." He stretches in his seat. "Maybe if I was the same guy I was a few years ago." 

You wrinkle your nose. "I doubt that."

"But what can I really offer?" he continues. "I'm just some guy who can't get into college."

"That doesn't mean no one will marry you. Some people who go to college are dumber than dirt. They get married. College has nothing to do with it. You can go, if you really want to. One rejection doesn't say anything about you, Steve." 

"I guess."

You pull the lever on the side. The seat shoots up with a brrrap! It clicks as you straighten. 

"Where did all this come from, anyway?" you ask. 

Steve shrugs. "Just thinking."

"Dangerous."

He smiles. "I like to live on the edge."

"Contemplating marriage like the world's biggest sap. Definitely edgy."

Steve hums. His hands are in his lap. He picks at a cuticle, a habit he’s recently developed. You wonder why he’s so anxious. 

"Two people from our graduating class got married last week."

Your eyes widen. "You're kidding."

"Nope. Lisa Schell and Gary Brewer." 

"Wait, didn't she cheat on him?"

"Yeah, but he slept with her sister, so I guess they called it even."

You shake your head. "That's insane. They're literally babies, Steve. That's like Dustin getting married."

Steve scowls. "He's not allowed to get married before me." 

"Not even to his possibly fictional Suzie?" 

"Not even to her."

You stare at the freckles on Steve's face and how his frizz kind of looks like a halo in the light. You imagine the feel of his hair in your hands, the warmth of his scalp.

"I'd marry you," you say. 

Steve's eyebrows shoot up. 

"What?"

"Like, if you were in a pinch."

He looks at you sideways. You flatten, then scrunch your hands over your knees. Your tongue feels too big for your mouth. 

"I'm talking about spending the rest of my life with someone, you know. Not borrowing fifty bucks."

"Fifty bucks is a lot of money for some of us, Harrington."

"That’s probably how much Lisa's wedding dress cost."

"I hope she kept the receipt."

Silence descends. A soft breeze blows through your cracked window. You want to search Steve's glove box for gum, but you've just told him you'd marry him, so you can't do anything except think about the fact that those words came out of your mouth. 

"Are you…" Steve begins, then pauses. "Why did you say that?"

"Because you're worried, for some incomprehensible reason, that no one will marry you."

"I scoop ice cream for a living."

You level him with a look. 

"Steve. We're kids. Cut yourself some slack."

His eyes turn hollow. They've been doing that lately. You wish you knew why. 

"I don't really feel like a kid these days," he says. 

Something about the way Steve sounds makes you want to climb over the console and curl into him, cradle his head to your neck. Which is crazy. You guys don't do that. Steve isn't yours to do that with. 

"Let's make a pact," you say softly. 

He meets your eye. "A pact?"

"Mmhm. Let's say if both of us aren't married by… thirty, then we'll get married."

"Well, I don't want a pity marriage." 

You roll your eyes. "It's not a pity marriage, Steve."

"Thirty is so late! You really think I won't be married by then?" he asks. 

"No, I don't think that. I already said folks will be lined up to marry you," you say. 

"I can't wait till I'm thirty." 

"Or you'll turn into an old maid?" 

"Meh meh meh," he mocks without any heat. 

You purse your lips so you don't smile. "Fine. We'll split the difference. Twenty-four?"

Steve considers that. Really considers it. It suddenly occurs to you what you're promising and who you're promising it to. You wonder if you'll both forget about it. Or brush it off. Oh, what did we know? We were kids!

Except Steve doesn't feel like a kid. And maybe you don't either, as much as you wish you do. 

"Do you mean it?" he asks. 

"Of course I do."

"No, seriously." He's serious. "I mean it, so if you don't…"

"Steve, I said I mean it. I do."

"You'll marry me?"

"I will."

"Swear on it."

You hold out your right pinkie out, waiting. Steve hooks his finger over yours. Impulsively, you kiss your linked pinkies. To show that you really, truly mean it.

You try to picture it. What walking down the aisle to meet Steve at the altar would feel like. You wonder if he'd keep his hair long, like it is now. You like it long. Would he keep it long for you?

"Will you buy me a ring?" you ask. "If we get married, I mean."

"Of course I'd buy you a ring," Steve says. "I'd get you anything you wanted."

"Okay." Your heart hammers in your chest. "I'm gonna go home."

"Alright. Want me to pull up to the door?"

"No, it's fine. Walking is good for digestion. Those milkshakes were no joke."

Steve smiles. He has such a lovely smile. His Cupid's bow is shaped exactly like a heart. 

"Same time tomorrow? It's movie night." 

Right. Your movie night. A semi-regular occasion that includes you, Steve, Robin, and the kids, sometimes. You've watched at least a dozen movies this summer together. Only this time, you're watching a movie after promising to marry Steve. 

"Sounds good," you say. "Will you pick me up?"

"Always."

Another promise. You hadn't realized how many Steve makes to you. 

"'Kay. See you."

You get out. Steve waves as he pulls away from the curb. 

Your ring finger feels bare. You rub it, hoping the feeling will go away. 

ii. the wound 

The plastic chair has turned your legs numb. Your butt is about to follow. 

Can butts go numb? You're not sure. You'll find out soon, though. 

You rub your eyes. God, you need sleep. 

Across the room, you catch Joyce Byers' gaze. She smiles at you, though it's brittle. You try to smile back, feeling distinctly like you might break if you stretch your mouth too far. 

She looks away, and your not-smile falls. 

"They'll let us in soon," she says, like she knows. She does know. Better than you, certainly. 

The hospital smells cold. It smells like a place people go to die. 

Your heartbeat ratchets. You shouldn't think like that. 

"You don't understand," comes Dustin's voice. He's at the receptionist's desk, flanked by Mike and Lucas. Dustin's face is red and blotchy, near tears. 

"I need to see him. You won't let me see Eddie, so—" 

The receptionist rears back, like she can't believe three children are daring to speak to her. 

"Neither patient is cleared for visitors," she says icily. "Now, for the last time: have a seat."

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Joyce begin to stand, ready to herd the kids away. You beat her to it. Out of everyone in this room, you're probably the only person who has the strength to stand. 

"Guys, c'mon. It won't be long." 

They don't look at you. You don't take it personally. An hour earlier, you'd cornered Dustin and forced him to tell you what happened. What's been happening. 

So he did. And now you're here. 

You don't blame them for glaring at the prickly receptionist. But you know that won't do anything. It won't heal Steve quicker. And it won't make anybody feel better. 

"Hey, Dustin." You lay a hand on his shoulder. He looks at you like you're not Steve. You wish it was you in surgery instead. 

"Come sit," you say. 

"I need to see him," he tells you. 

"I know." Your throat tightens, threatening to trap your words altogether. You rush to get the rest out. "I do too. But this isn't going to make that happen faster. Come sit with me. Okay?"

"He'll be fine," Mike says quietly. "They don't wanna get sued by his asshole dad."

You nod, because yeah, good point. Quite possibly the first time Richard Harrington has brought anybody comfort. He's in Cancun, last you'd heard. You hope he chokes on a margarita. 

Dustin follows you. Mike and Lucas sit next to Joyce. The five of you wait. 

At some point, you fall asleep. When you wake up, it's to the contentious receptionist peering over you all. 

"Mr. Harrington is awake," she says primly. "You may see him now, young man."

Dustin flies out of the chair, Lucas and Mike at his heels. 

A part of you wants to go home, and you feel terrible for it. You feel terrible that Steve almost died, but you're the frightened one. You don't know if you can bear to see him tied to tubes and a heart monitor.

"Go on."

Joyce tracks you sleepily. Her hair is more knotted than before you fell asleep. She nods to the hallway. 

"Go see him."

You can’t voice every thought, every fear. I don’t know if I can see him like this.

“It’s good he won’t wake up alone,” she says.

“He’s got a family.” You wave your hand weakly. 

Joyce watches you for a moment. Then she gets up.

"Yes, he does." 

She holds out her hand. 

You don’t know Joyce Byers very well. This is probably the longest conversation you’ve had with her. You realize, then, that you're wrong—you’re not the one who’s strong enough to stand.

“Let’s go see him,” she says. "All of his loved ones should be there." 

God, are you really that obvious? 

You take her hand, and the two of you go down the hall.

Steve is nearly unrecognizable in the hospital bed. The kids are speaking to him, unusually quiet. They look up when you enter. 

Steve’s eyes lock with yours. 

“Hey,” is all you say.

“Hi,” he says, voice rough with disuse and getting choked by what Dustin had described as demon bats. 

“Boys, come on,” Joyce calls. “Let’s make a cafeteria stop.”

You see Dustin about to protest, but Lucas tugs his arm like he knows, and goddamn, you really are that obvious, aren’t you? 

You wait for the door to close behind you. Then you walk to Steve’s side. 

The gnarled ring of flesh around his neck makes you queasy. The rest of him isn’t much better, red and purple smeared across any skin that’s not covered by the chalky hospital gown.

You sit in the chair. It’s the same plastic kind as the ones in the waiting room, but this one doesn’t feel so hard.

“Robin called me,” you say.

Steve closes his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, you’d better be.” Your voice cracks. “Can’t believe you went dimension-surfing without me.”

“You’re mad at me.”

Your breath is punched out of you. 

“No,” you say softly. “My God, Steve. I’m not mad at you.”

His hand creeps to the edge of the bed. His fingers are scraped.

You take his hand and lace your fingers together. He slow-blinks. He’ll probably fall asleep in the next half hour. 

“It’s okay if you are,” he whispers. “Mad, I mean. I’d be mad too.”

You know he wouldn’t be, though. You know Steve would forgive you in a heartbeat.

“I’m not mad,” you say, equally as quiet. “I just… I was scared." 

He nods. "I'm sorry for scaring you." 

You bow your head and close your eyes. When Robin had called, you'd run to the bathroom and coughed up stomach acid.

They say he’ll make it, she'd told you, and you'd realized with violent clarity that you love him. 

But Steve doesn't need that right now. So you bury it.

You lean in and bring Steve's knuckles to your lips, taking care not to jostle him.

His eyes widen. Part of you hopes he won’t remember this conversation.

"Don't do that again," you say. “Not without me.”

"Okay,” he whispers. “I won't." 

You wait until he falls asleep, hand in his. 

iii. the brand

“There’s no way I’m getting in your death van, Munson!” Robin whines.

“Death van is an exaggeration, Buckley. If anything, it’s a life van. I’m still here, aren’t I?” Eddie asks.

“Definitely not because of that heap of metal,” Steve murmurs to you. You snicker.

It’s nearly dark, but a summer dark, where it doesn’t actually turn to night until well after nine PM. The top two buttons of Steve’s dress shirt are undone, and you can’t stop staring. It’s embarrassing, really. You’d nearly missed Eddie’s walk across the stage because of that damned triangle of tanned skin and dark chest hair.

“Why can’t we take the station wagon?” Robin asks. 

“I think Nancy already left,” you say. “Sorry, Rob.” 

“And I’ve put my car jacking days behind me,” Eddie announces, flinging his arms out. “So my van it shall be!”

Robin whips her head around to glare at Steve. 

“This is your fault,” she accuses scathingly.

“Me?!”

“You just had to go and get a flat tire yesterday.”

“Yeah, Steve,” you add cheekily. “Why couldn’t you have foreseen the dreaded timeline where Eddie drives?”

“Et tu?” Eddie asks. “I’m hurt. I’m a great driver, y’know. Better than Steve, some have told me.”

“Dustin only told you that ‘cause you were high on morphine and about to burst into tears,” Robin says.

As they bicker, Steve draws closer, so your arms brush. You close the distance, crowding him.

“Y’okay?” he asks quietly.

“Yes,” you say, startled. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Just checking.”

“Are you okay?”

He turns to you. He looks like he’s searching for something. You don’t know what.

“Yeah,” Steve says after a minute. “I am. Better than, actually.”

“‘Cause I’m here, right?” you ask with a gooey grin.

“Yeah. ‘Cause you’re here.”

He sounds honest, so you turn away, because you can’t handle that and his chest hair. 

"I should get to choose where we go," Robin says as you arrive at Eddie's van. "Since it may be our last trip and all."

"Funny you were in Band and not president of the drama club, Buckley," Eddie says dryly. 

"Pot, kettle."

"How 'bout Rita's?" you suggest. "Unlimited refills and no one will hassle Eddie."

"Aw, you care about little ol' me?" Eddie asks. 

"If you get us there in one piece, yes."

Eddie huffs. "No wonder you and the Hair are like this." He crosses his fingers. 

"Damn right," Steve says. "We even finish each other's—"

"Terribly cliche sayings!" you say. 

Robin looks at you for a moment, unusually smirky. Then she looks at Steve. 

"You match. Blue dress, blue tie."

"That's so if she gets lost, they know who to return her to," Steve says. 

You scoff. "More like the other way around." 

He pouts. "Hey."

"Hay is for horses," you sing, skipping ahead to Eddie's van. 

"I'm sorry, are you excited to ride in the Hell Van?" Robin asks. 

You shrug. "We could use some excitement around here, couldn't we?"

"No!" all three say.

"I've had enough excitement for ten lifetimes," Robin mutters. 

Eddie pulls the door open. Your smile quickly drops. 

"Uh, Eddie? Where the fuck are the seats?"

"Right, so, usually I only have Gareth and Jeff ride with me. Gareth always calls shotgun—"

"Shotgun!" Robin hollers, and races to the front seat. 

You stare at the single backseat chair. There's no way it's big enough for you and Steve. 

"Holy shit," Steve says, taking stock of the "backseat."

Eddie rubs the back of his neck. "Yeah… listen, if I'd known we'd be taking her, I would've put the other seat in, swear! Usually we take it out for the equipment." 

"Well, what are we supposed to do? Lay down and pray? This is how people get head injuries, Eddie," you say, arms folded. 

"Maybe we can call a cab," Steve suggests. 

"At this hour?" You shake your head. "No way. This isn't Indianapolis."

"Oh my God." Robin groans. "The solution is so obvious. Sit on Steve's lap. Boom. Now come on, I'm starving."

You tense. Steve is tactile, sure, and you've become acclimated to that over the years. 

But this? This is way, way beyond that. 

"Uh…" Steve glances at you. "Do you… I mean, if you don't mind?"

You glance at Eddie, who's got the tiniest smirk. You glower and he clears his throat, hiding his mouth behind a lock of hair. 

"I don't mind," you say, more confident than you feel. "It's a short drive."

Eddie nods. "Definitely. I'll step on it."

"Please don't step on it," Robin calls. "We're already chancing fate by letting you drive in the first place."

Eddie huffs, walking to the driver's side. "Y'know, Buckley, you are just…"

You look at Steve. He smiles at you, sweet as always. 

"This isn't gonna aggravate any injuries, right?" you ask. "Me… sitting on you?"

You wince at the wording. 

"No, should be fine. My PT gave me the all clear a month ago."

You nod tightly. "Right. Okay. You go first."

Steve climbs in, planting his feet on the floor. You go next, stooping in front of him. You catch each other's gaze for a moment. Then you laugh, suddenly trying to look anywhere but at Steve. 

"Right, so I'll just…"

You slide onto Steve's lap, trying to hold some of your weight so you won't crush him. He splays an easy hand over your belly and leans over to pull the van door shut. Your heart thunders in your chest. 

"You can sit back, y'know," he says, breath tickling your ear. "’M not made of glass."

"Didn't want your legs to go numb," you joke weakly. 

Steve makes an unhappy noise and tugs you back so you're fully seated on him. You angle yourself so you can look at him. Steve looks up at you, lightly tracing a pattern on your hip. Like you do this all the time. 

"Hi," you say, too jittery to crack another joke. 

Steve smiles gently. "Hey."

His tone is fond. You feel sick. 

"Everybody good?" Eddie asks. 

He adjusts the rear view mirror and you watch his eyebrows shoot up in the reflection. 

"You two look cozy."

"Shut the fuck up, Munson," you mumble. "Just drive, already." 

Eddie giggles like a gremlin in reply and turns the ignition.

It’s not bad, at first. Eddie takes it easy driving through Hawkins. Part of it is because he doesn’t want to attract attention. The other part is that Hopper promised Eddie a night in jail if he caught him running the stop signs again. 

You personally think it’s a bluff. Robin does not; she’s enthusiastically annoying about road safety, and points out every single sign and red light. This causes Eddie to start slamming the breaks in retaliation. 

“Holy fuck!” you yelp when Eddie hits the breaks particularly hard. “Eddie!”

Steve is quick to tug you backwards, considering you’re not belted. You scramble to grab his shoulders and twist to look at him.

“Thanks,” you say breathlessly.

He smiles, then leans away, glaring at the front.

“Really, Munson?”

“She started it!” Eddie insists. “Blame your BFF!”

“Can you drive like someone who doesn’t have a death wish?” Robin shoots back.

Steve’s hands are now on the small of your back and on your hip, respectively. Your legs hang over the side of the carseat, butt nestled quite firmly on his thighs. 

God, you’re never living this down. 

“Y’okay?” 

Steve’s breath in your ear makes you squirm. You turn to look at him.

“Fine,” you murmur. “I’m not crushing you, am I?”

“No,” he says. “Don’t worry.”

Eddie breaks again, harder than before. You slip. 

Steve reacts instantly, his hand grabbing the meat of your thigh. Your dress rides up, so it’s skin on skin. 

The momentum is worse, however, because you jerk back. Right into Steve’s face.

Your nose mashes into his, which isn’t great. But then, your lips smush against his cheek. When you pull back, there’s a smeared lipstick print.

Maybe you’re the one with a death wish.

Robin is screeching incoherently but you can't focus on anything but the smudge of pink on Steve's cheek. Your chest feels tight. 

He looks like he's yours.

"Yeah, we're fine, " Steve says, voice close enough to startle you back into the conversation. 

He looks up at you. Your hand lands on the lipstick, like if you cover it, it'll go away. Steve tilts his head, mouth open in a question. 

"Sorry," you rush out before he can speak. "I got some of my, uh, lipstick on you." 

He relaxes. 

"Oh. Thought I was bleeding or something," he says with a slight laugh. "'S okay, I can wipe it off when we get there."

"Uh-huh." 

You drop your hand. You can't stop staring. Stop staring.

The print isn't exactly in the shape of your lips, but it's close. You can see the divots and where your lips parted. If someone were to see you two, they'd assume a lot of things you're not. 

Steve's collar is wrinkled from the van ride from Hell. His neck is flushed. You wonder how your lipstick would look there. 

Eddie presses the brake, softer this time. Steve's fingers dig into the meat of your thigh anyway. More marks. 

"Alright, relax, gang," Eddie says. "We're almost there."

You touch Steve's cheek again and hope he'll forget to wash you off of his face. 

iv. the secret

It's raining. You're in Steve's bed. 

Thunder shakes the sky. You curl further into your—Steve’s—pillow. It smells like his soap and detergent. 

You used to like the rain. Not so much these days. Rain makes you think of blood on asphalt and being alone at twenty-four. Rain silences you. 

"Do you think he'll come back?" 

You've never dared to ask anyone. Not even Joyce. She'd know. She wouldn't tell you the truth, though. 

Nancy Wheeler probably could. She'd face you with that steel brow of hers and give it to you straight. 

Yes. The monster's back. You're not getting married. 

You slip your hand into Steve’s. He squeezes your fingers. Outside, the rain roars. 

"I don't know," Steve says into the darkness. 

You can't see him like this. It makes you mildly claustrophobic. Maybe you should turn on the hall light. 

"Hopper said he was dead. So did that other guy—uh, Murray. And like, Eddie's okay. And Max. El would tell us if she sensed something. It's not like he could come back without making a sound. I mean, from what she told me, she basically, like, unraveled him from the inside out. Which is pretty gross, but also a good way to keep someone dead."

He's rambling. He's rambling to distract you. 

God, what the fuck are you going to do when you're twenty-four and unmarried and Steve's forgotten all about you? 

"I don't want anyone to die," you whisper. 

Steve squeezes your hand harder. 

"No one's gonna die."

You shift closer. You can barely make out Steve's silhouette. The ends of his hair tickle your knuckles. 

"Hey," he says, and you try to find his eyes, but you can't. "Nothing's gonna happen, okay?" 

"Yeah," you say, even though something did happen, something that almost took him away from you, and you don't know if you can handle that again. 

"You can stay here as long as you want," he says. 

"I can go back to my room."

Steve threads his fingers with yours. You can't see his eyes but it's okay.

"Don't," he says. 

"Okay."

You scoot forward, closing another few inches between you two. Now, you feel Steve's breath on your face. He smells like minty toothpaste. He is alive. 

The rain batters against the windows. You could kiss him. You could kiss him right now, and no one would know except for you and him. 

His breath has begun to even out. You lean in blindly. Your lips land on his hair. 

It's hardly a kiss. It’ll be your secret anyway.

+ and, finally, the first.

"Dustin wanted chocolate milk," you say, not looking up from the tub of yogurt you're searching the date for. 

"Yeah," Steve says, parking the cart to the side. "Kid's addicted."

He opens the giant fridge door and a burst of cold air nips at your arm. You shy away. 

"Six dollars? Jesus, does it come from gold cows?"

You snort, finally putting the yogurt in the cart. You stay at Steve’s house more often than not these days, so there’s no point in getting a separate cart.

"What?" Steve asks, looking at you. 

"You're funny, that's what."

"I am?"

"You sound like somebody's grandpa."

"I do not!"

"Do too," you say sweetly. 

"Do not."

"Do too infinity."

Steve rolls his eyes. 

"Yeah, whatever. I'm a grandpa 'cause I don't wanna spend a leg and an arm on chocolate milk for the little shit? So be it."

"Steve," you begin, eyebrows drawing together. "It's his birthday. Have a heart, old man." 

"Oh, good grief," he mumbles, but he takes the carton and puts it into the cart. 

You smile. Steve shakes his head. 

"This is why I don't go shopping with you. You're an enabler."

"I am," you say happily, walking alongside him as he pushes the cart. 

"And you don't push the cart."

You tut. "Pretty girls don't push shopping carts, Steven." 

"Oh, they just find some poor sap to push it for them, huh?" 

"I'm so glad you're on board," you say, skipping ahead to the chip aisle. 

You look through the shelves and land on two types of Doritos. Cool Ranch and Original. It’s a tough decision.

“Steve, what do you think?” You hold up the bags. “Which do they like better?”

“Ranch. According to Mike, liking the original flavors of snacks is lame.”

You snicker and take three bags of the Cool Ranch. Steve pushes the cart to you. 

“I feel like we’re shopping for our kid,” you say. “We’re the awesome house everybody wants to visit because we have the best snacks and the biggest pool.”

You look up when Steve doesn’t reply. He stares at you, expression unreadable. Your smile dims.

“What?” you ask.

Steve shakes his head.

“Nothing,” he says quietly. “It’s nothing.”

“Steve, seriously. What is it?”

He shakes his head again. 

“Nothing, really. Just zoned out for a second.”

He continues to push the cart down the aisle. You watch him for a moment, then follow. The two of you quickly check off the remaining items on Steve’s list (yes, his actual, physical grocery list), and then you check out.

The cashier smiles at you both in line. She’s an older woman, with the typical poofy blowout nearly every woman over fifty gets at Brenda’s Salon in downtown Hawkins. You busily put the items on the conveyor belt while Steve takes out his wallet and makes conversation with the cashier. It’s a good routine you two have established. 

When the cashier’s done, you squeeze past the cart and grab half of the bags. Steve takes the receipt and the rest of the bags.

“You two are very sweet together,” the cashier says, her round cheeks blush-red like apples. “Have a wonderful day.”

“You too, ma’am,” Steve replies, and heads to the exit.

You’re frozen for a moment, startled until Steve calls your name. You heft the bags in your arms and hurry after him. 

Steve stops and takes two of your bags before crossing the parking lot. 

“Steve,” you say, and huff. “I can carry them.”

“Pretty girls don’t push carts or carry bags. It’s the rule, remember?”

You watch, unimpressed, as Steve then proceeds to try and get his car keys with an armful of grocery bags. When he almost drops a bag for the third time, you sigh and take pity. 

“Which pocket?” you ask, snaking your arm around.

“Back left,” he says, smiling sheepishly.

You roll your eyes, feeling disgustingly fond. You shove your hand down Steve’s back jean pocket. He wiggles his eyebrows at you.

“Take me out to dinner at least,” he says.

“Pretty boys don’t get taken to dinner until the pretty girl has been asked out properly,” you shoot back. 

Steve smiles, but the joke doesn’t land like it usually does. You step away as soon as you get the keys, clearing your throat. 

“Well, I hope you’ve learned your lesson about carrying all the bags, Popeye.”

You open the trunk for him, then go to open the passenger side door.

“If I don’t carry all the bags, how else am I meant to show off to the ladies?”

You pull the handle on the driver’s side for Steve and he gets in, beaming cheekily at you.

“The only person who’s watching you make a fool of yourself is me, big guy,” you say. “So, mission failed.”

You open the glove compartment and start fishing through for gum. You find a Juicy Fruit packet but it’s empty. 

“Damn, that’s what we forgot,” you say, defeatedly crumpling the cardboard. “Gum.”

You start to turn to Steve. “Do you think we—”

You’ve wondered, probably more than you should, about how Steve Harrington kisses. 

Now you know: tenderly. 

He cups both sides of your face, and you have to brace yourself on the center console for balance. Your other hand tangles in his hair. It’s as soft as you imagined, free of product, and you scrunch the baby hairs at the base of his scalp. Steve makes a quiet noise. 

You kiss until you need air. Even then, Steve doesn’t let you go far. You part with only an inch or two between you. 

“There’s gum in the middle compartment,” is the first thing he says.

“Huh?”

“In here.” He pats the compartment between the seats. “Hubba Bubba. I got it last week.”

You giggle and grab Steve’s face with both hands. His hands slip to your arms and he squeezes, smiling gently.

“What?” he asks.

“Fuck, I’m glad I know you,” you say. 

Steve kisses you again. Two. Steve Harrington has officially kissed you two times. 

You hope you’ll lose track at some point.

[uglycryinglawyer]

heyyy tumblr,

class of 2024 law student here. no offense but you know things are bad when i take it to tumblr. law school really does something to your psyche and i hate to say it but despite this whole movement on social media to be more transparent, i don't believe anyone will be completely honest about their experience when their words can be traced back to them. being believable as 100% genuine & honest while being anything less than to followers that cling to every syllable of yours does more damage than good imo.

ill start this page with some honesty that i would label as a 6/10 on the "how embarrassed would i be if someone from my post-grad job were to see this" scale i just made up.

my first semester i felt like the smartest version of myself i had ever been because i got 1 online award from a fake company (seriously what business does this "computer-assisted legal education" company have hosting awards for schools around the country & why are they receiving our grades to begin with) for having the highest grade in my class. mind you, this company/award is not at ALL affiliated with my school, its literally made up. but its something that is made PUBLIC (as in if you knew my name you could google me and this stupid award shows up), and so many schools still acknowledge it to, idk, create further divisions between students that i guess the whole system of making everyones grades 100% based on their finals and curved (not in a good way) doesn't do enough for?

now here i am, having finished my 6th semester & walked the commencement stage a few days ago ugly crying over a grade because i might have just lost my honors status. when in actuality .... ~ kim, there are people that are dying ~ why does any of this matter?? this is what 6 semesters of slowly having your confidence in your own intelligence chipped away at does to a person.

its not over yet though - bar prep starts last week :). actually it starts on may 20th officially, but no ones being honest about the fact that they really started studying the day after their finals ended, if not earlier.

so i've decided to document my experience for you all here. with bar prep & my foray into big law (you know this field was meant for babies because that's what we unsarcastically call a career at a top law firm) on the horizon, & 6 semesters of pure chaos behind me, i have a lot to say!

im not sure who this is going to reach because, again no offense tumblr, but i doubt this site has the reach it once did. maybe this will just end up being a time capsule for myself, which i would love. or maybe this will help 1 person cope, which i would love even more.

regardless, if you read this far, thank you & tttys. going to throw some random hashtags in now don't mind me.

[bloodyshadow1]

I get people being sympathetic to the Rat grinders, I really do, but the way people will out right lie about canon to make the Bad Kids the villains. The Rat Grinders are kids, they're being groomed by charismatic and dangerous teachers who they trusted, they're corrupted by rage so they're not thinking straight. At the end of the day, that makes them cultists, pitiable and sympathetic, but still villains who are perfectly willing to create a hell on earth for the plan.

I've seen posts condemning the bad kids for killing the rat grinders, I've seen posts calling the Bad Kids bullies this season, I've seen posts that blame the Bad Kids for the whole thing saying the rat grinders are just kids who are being tricked. It's all bullshit, whatever your headcanons, whatever your feelings on the Rat Grinders, they're not the good guys here and are very much the villains this season.

The bad kids killed the 3 of the rat grinders this fight, Ivy, Oisin, and Ruben. No, they didn't stop to try and reach out to them, to try and make them see the light. The Rat Grinders are trying to condemn a whole town to become the domain of a the new god of rage and murder a goddess to usurp her domain. They are high level with the capacity to cast 9th level spells regardless of their hp, with two epic level pc's with super abilities that normal class features don't cover. If the Bad Kids hesitated they would be dead, they knew that, the Rat grinders tried to murder them little over an hour ago. They've hated the bad kids for years and now decided to make their vendetta known, they fucked around and found out.

Which leads me to my second point, the Bad Kids are not bullying the Rat grinders. They're not pleasant to the rat grinders, but you don't have to be nice to the people who hate you. Other than Fig, who I will admit was messed up with how she treated Ruben this year, but also the Rat Grinders did something similar, they were just bad at it, the Bad Kids mostly ignored the Rat grinders. The worst thing the other bad Kids do to the Rat Grinders is make fun of Kipperlily's name, that's it. They don't even do it in front of other students, unless they legitimately forget her name, other than that it's only in front of each other or not other students like Alewyn or Jawbone. It's not great, but that is literally all they have done.

The Rat grinders however, have done all they could to make themselves enemies of the Bad Kids. Ivy was a mean racist bitch who helped steal the cloudrider engine and place pingpong balls all over seacaster manor for the plan. Ruben tried to get the bad kids to take drugs knowing it would get them in trouble. He intentionally had frosty fair held at Gorgug's home to corrupt it, putting not only Gorgug's family in danger but countless other people. Sure Jace had a hand in that, but at best Ruben was an accomplice. Buddy was a smug creep who vandalized Kristen's locker, threatened her brother, and demeaned her and her goddess, without being corrupted by rage. Mary Ann legitimately didn't do anything wrong this season she was just there and did her best on the field as she was supposed to (not even saying this as a joke, she has literally done nothing bad on screen so it's hard to judge her like the rest). But Oisin tried to honey pot Adaine the first week of school, stole the cloudrider engine and the pingpong ball trap, and sent a whole pack of dragons on them to murder them and hundreds of other kids. Kipperlily has been goading the bad kids since the first day of school, she has tried every dirty trick to try and win. She has murdered people, not even people affiliated with the bad kids, but people like Buddy who was on her side, she's tried to murder the bad kids or at least make sure it's harder for them to come back to life if they die, she's stolen from them, she's tried to kill them, she's done everything bad the fans have accused the bad kids of but worse.

And that's just the Rat Grinder's individually. Why are the Bad Kids monsters for killing dangerous people who have tried to kill them, but the Rat Grinders aren't? The Rat Grinders literally tried to commit mass murder of their school a little more than an hour. 500 students of the Aguefort adventuring academy were in Seacaster manor when it was brought into the sky and beset by dragons. 500 innocent bystanders, almost all children, half of them younger than both parties.

I'll get to the rage stars in another post, but I just want to finish this off with, the Rat Grinders are kids, kids who are being groomed by evil men and corrupted by magic. But the Bad Kids are just kids too. They're kids who have been specifically targeted by the rat grinders. The rat grinders started this feud, the Bad Kids retaliated and were better at it. If you're going to take a shot at the king you better not miss, and the rat grinders have been missing their shots this whole season. I don't get why people are blaming the bad kids for trying to save the world but it pisses me off. I apologize for the rant but the tag is for everyone

[hugshughes]

this is me trying L. Fantilli

Luca Fantilli x fem!reader

synopsis - You just want Luca to know that you're trying.

wc - 2.5k

contains - cursing, academic burnout (self reflection...), crying, not feeling good enough, reader has an older brother, um suggestiveness??? (reader makes one joke), that's it! LMK!

an - im so sorry i kept you guys waiting... but happy thanksgiving, forgive me im so thankful for you guys. this was a bit more self indulgent than my other fics... THIS WAS SO LATE BECAUSE i wrote 2000+ words then they didn't save and so i literally cried over it and couldn't write for the rest literal week whenever i came back to it i was upset, like i was that sad guys. and i really don't love this because it just isn't as perfect as the first one i wrote was. anyways hope you love this!

-

i've been having a hard time adjusting. i had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting.

You were sick. Not like physical illness, go to the doctor and get medicine sick. You were sick of waking up every day, going to the same classes, eating the same food, coming home, sitting alone in your dorm, then falling asleep and doing it over again. But you couldn't afford to do anything else at the same time. If you wanted to get the grades you needed to pass your current classes, you were going to have to work your ass off.

You were always considered gifted. You took advanced classes all of high school, attending college-level courses in your junior year. Even in your freshman year at Umich, you passed with flying colors, but now, now it was different. You don't know why classes were so much harder now, and it was especially hard because everything had always been so easy.

Even with all of this, you had Luca. Luca had been your boyfriend since October of freshman year. He'd always stood by your side no matter what, but now it felt different. He'd never seen you like this, struggling so much with things you were known for being good at. You remember him telling you how proud he was when you had gotten a 98% on one of your final exams last year, you were worried he wouldn't be proud anymore.

As a child, you were conditioned into thinking that better grades meant better treatment from your parents. Your brother had been a star student always until he'd slacked off senior year and ended up going to a college he was way too smart for. When that happened, your parents decided you wouldn't be like your brother. You would go to a good school, and get good grades, and in exchange they would love you, at least that's how it felt.

i didn't know if you'd care if i came back, i have a lot of regrets about that.

All the love you'd ever known was for a price, your parents', your boyfriend's, even your brother's it was like you had to be good enough before they would consider you lovable.

You never felt this from Luca, but you never gave him a reason to think otherwise. You'd always been this smart girl for him, a girl he bragged about to his friends. The girl he could go to for help in classes.

You didn't mean to be pushing Luca away, but you were so stressed and didn't want to bring him into it.

I know I already said you weren't sick like an illness, but right now you felt gross. You were stuffy and coughing and had a pounding headache, but you had assignments due at 11:59 pm and they couldn't wait. It was 9:03 pm and it didn't look like you were gonna get any relief from class work for a while longer.

pulled the car off the road to the lookout. could've followed my fears all the way down.

You didn't even know you were crying until you saw tears fall onto your iPad screen, where you were currently writing notes for a quiz you had tomorrow. You felt completely helpless. You couldn't stop and let yourself wallow, because you had to get moving on your study guide.

You dropped your Apple Pencil and just buried your face in your hands, rubbing your eyes till you saw stars. Your pity party was interrupted by your phone ringing. Your phone was on your studying do not disturb so if someone's call was coming through it had to be Luca's.

You quickly tried to steady your breathing before swiping to answer the call.

"Hi?"

"Hey. So, what's with you totally skipping my game? You know that meant a lot to me."

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. How did you forget? You were the worst girlfriend ever.

"Oh my God, Luca. I'm so fucking sorry, it completely slipped my mind, oh my God, I didn't even know. I had a really long day, baby, I'm so sorry."

You were trying not to cry even more, you didn't want Luca to think you were a crybaby. Crybaby. That's what your parents called you whenever you got like this, too much for them to love.

and maybe i don't quite know what to say,

Luca just sighed, upset. He was upset with you, and you couldn't fix it. You could hear rustling on Luca's end, and another voice. All of a sudden you were seventeen getting a call from your nineteen-year-old boyfriend while he cheated on you, while another girl laid with him.

but i'm here in your doorway.

You didn't think Luca would do that to you, you really knew he wouldn't. But that one part of you was just screaming that you'd proven yourself unworthy to him, that he was done.

i just wanted you to know,

"I just, I don't even know anymore. You haven't consistently talked to me in weeks, every time we do speak you're in your head, and you keep pushing things off and forgetting. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong here."

Fuck, you couldn't stop the floodgates now. You quickly sniffed, holding the phone away from you so he wouldn't hear, soaking the cuff of your sweatshirt sleeve with tears before trying to respond.

"No, no Luc, you're not doing anything wrong. The last month has just been tough, I just don't know how to tell you. I'm trying Luca, I am, and I'm sorry. I know it doesn't fix anything and you still have every right to be angry with me, I understand why-"

this is me trying.

"Hey, it's whatever, just don't worry about it."

No. No this couldn't happen like this. He couldn't be checking out of your relationship right now. You needed him, even if you didn't know how to tell him. You accidentally let out a whimper when you tried to speak, before shakily breathing a deep breath and trying again.

"No, it isn't. I'm not being good to you. I just- Fuck Luca I'm sorry I didn't mean to forget, and I'm not meaning to be such a bad girlfriend I just, there's just,"

"Just what?"

"I don't know how to tell you! I don't want you to think differently about me Luc. You've never seen me like this."

Your trauma was truly shining through, you were terrified of Luca thinking you weren't smart.

"Are you like uninterested now? You could just tell me, not lead me on! Not just ghost me!"

"No Luca! I love you so much, I'm in love with you. I just-"

You cut yourself off, letting out a stressed sigh, rubbing your eyes when you felt the tears prick in them.

i just wanted you to know,

You didn't know what to say, it was so complicated. Every time you ever tried to talk about this with your family they shut you down, told you you were wrong for feeling like you did, and you didn't want Luca to think those things too.

"I just can't do this stuff anymore,"

"What?"

this is me trying.

"I'm just not smart anymore, and everything is so hard. And I don't know how to talk to you about it 'cause I don't want you to think I'm not smart, but I don't think I am anymore."

"Oh, baby."

Luca was stunned, his girl was going through something and he was upset with her over a hockey game. He thought you were beginning to distance yourself from him because you started to be uninterested in him. He never would've assumed you were doing it because you were scared to talk to him. He never would've assumed you were scared he would think less of you.

"Hey, it's okay. Everything's gonna be alright, okay? How about I come over? We can talk more about everything and I know I'm not the brightest guy when it comes to all of your stuff but I could try to help. That okay, pretty?"

"Yes. Please, Angel. Need you right now."

"Okay, give me a couple minutes, I'll be right there. I love you, okay?"

"I love you, Luc."

Luca let you hang up, taking a deep breath and sitting for a moment just to take in what had just happened. He had a bad feeling in his stomach now, knowing how you were hurting. He quickly recovered and got up, putting his shoes and a hat on backward before leaving his dorm.

He walked fast through campus to get to your dorm building, the cold motivating him further. When he got to your dorm building, he quickly went up the stairs, taking two at a time, and to your room. You were in a single this year, so he wasn't worried about a roommate being bothered by his presence. He knocked on the decorated door gently, bouncing on his feet waiting for you.

they told me all of my cages were mental, so i got wasted like all my potential.

Luca could've sworn he felt his heart break when he saw your face, the exhaustion mixed with sadness wearing you down. He didn't say anything before jumping to wrap his arms around you, just holding you for a minute. You clung to him so tightly, you'd missed him so badly while digging yourself into a hole of isolation.

"Hi sweet girl."

You could've started crying again. He held you gently but firmly, and it was all you ever needed. You felt yourself relax for the first time in two and a half weeks.

and my words shoot to kill when i'm mad. i have a lot of regrets about that.

"Hi Luc"

You sniffled, and Luca just melted. He pulled away from you just a little, pulling his arms away so he could cradle your faces in his palms. You brought your hands up to rest on his wrists, rubbing your thumbs back and forth.

"I missed you, pretty."

You missed him like a little kid. But it was your fault you were ever apart.

i was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere.

"I missed you. 'M so sorry I isolated myself from you, I'm so fucking stressed right now. Everything is hard and it's scary 'cause it's never been hard like this for me, and I-"

fell behind all my classmates and i ended up here,

"I know baby. It is scary. College is just scary. And you are like the smartest girl I think ever so I know it's like even scarier for you when things don't make sense quickly, but it's gonna be okay. Because you have your amazing, talented, stud of a boyfriend to help you."

pouring out my heart to a stranger. but i didn't pour the whiskey.

You gave him a look, laughing for the first time in many days.

"He is pretty amazing, and talented, and hot, isn't he?"

i just wanted you to know, that this is me trying. i just wanted you to know, that this is me trying.

He nodded reassuringly, before putting his hands on your hips and pushing you back into your room, closing your door behind him.

"Damn, you just got here."

"Shut the hell up."

You laughed as you climbed up onto your bed, pulling Luca up next to you after he took his shoes off.

at least i'm trying.

"So, about this class. What do we need to learn?"

You explained how tonight you only really needed to do two things, finish a paper that was 75% done, and do another assignment that if you could figure out how to understand the concept, would be done in no time. You both snuggled close together while looking at the paper, Luca helping you through sentences you got stuck on. You finished the paper quickly, then pulled up your notes for the concept of the other assignment.

and it's hard, to be at a party when i feel like an open wound. it's hard to be anywhere these days when all i want is you.

At one point Luca took your laptop to read through the notes so you just turned over and rested your head on his chest, before seeing his gorgeous hair covered by a stupid hat grabbing it off of him, and putting it on your bedside table.

"No hats in my room."

"What? Since when?"

"Since I want to see your pretty hair, not the maize and blue hat I see every other day."

Luca just laughed, shaking his head and running his non-scrolling hand down your back. Luca somehow understood the concept and reiterated it to you in a way that made everything click. He was your good luck charm, you knew it. Everything made sense with him.

you're a flashback, in a film reel, on the one screen in my town.

You made him lay on your chest with your laptop resting on his back while you completed the assignment. One hand was in his hair while the other was gliding across the keyboard. You finished it in 20 minutes. And your chest felt so much lighter after you hit the submit button.

You closed your laptop, sliding it onto the floor before putting both of your hands into Luca's hair.

"I knew you could do it, baby. You just needed someone to tell you that."

"I love you."

"I love you so much."

Luca's arms around your middle tightened, and he moved his head to look up at you.

"I know you feel like you have to be this perfect person, baby, but I need you to know you don't have to do that for anyone, especially me. Because you are everything, and I can't take care of you if you're scared to talk to me about how you're feeling. I know your parents and other people make you feel like if you don't do good at school they will love you less, but you need to know that you could flunk out of school, and you would still be the most important person to me, okay?"

i just wanted you to know, that this is me trying.

You were crying. You pulled him somehow closer and hugged him so tight, pulling away after over a minute to give him a good long kiss that expressed your gratitude. Because you were, so fucking grateful. This boy had seen all of it, and still chose you, and would continue to choose you until his last breath.

(and maybe i don't quite know what to say,)

"Thank you, Angel. You don't know how much hearing that means to me. I love you, so so much."

"You're everything. I see that you're trying, and that is always gonna be enough."

i just wanted you to know, that this is me trying. at least i'm trying.

[gffa]

Over the last week, I decided to go ahead with bookmarking all the fics I've recommended over the years on AO3 since I abide by tumblr poll results always (and man pour one out for all the fic that never made it to AO3 or has since been deleted, sooooo many gems lost to time!) and it was a bit more than the ~3,000 I was expecting:

Hopefully, this will be easier than browsing the hundreds of recs posts I've made, since you can filter for any of the author's tags now! These are mostly focused on Star Wars and DC fandom, but I did my time in the anime mines and occasional tours through some TV fandoms or movies. You can dig into everything unfiltered and start your own filtering, or the bigger fandoms you'll find:

MAJOR FANDOMS: Each of these should have 100+ at minimum and, in the case of Star Wars, literally almost half of them are in that fandom. Look, Star Wars fandom might be a trash fire in a lot of ways, but it is ON FIRE with some good fic. (Older bookmarks not guaranteed to match my current sentiments, especially re: the Jedi, but they did catch my fancy at that point in time!)

STAR WARS: - All Star Wars -OR- All Star Wars minus the Obi-Wan/Anakin ship - OR- Nothing BUT Obi-Wan/Anakin

BATMAN/DC: - DC can sometimes be tricky, but you can do a Batman* search and get most of them (though, sometimes Nightwing* or Young Justice* or Superman* will catch some of the others). Honestly, though, you might want to just do a search for what character or dynamic you like and have fun from there, because otherwise you're getting a face full of my Dick Grayson Is The Center Of The Universe And I'm Making That Everyone Else's Problem agenda. ;)

MARVEL/MCU: - Marvel* will probably get most of the various properties, though you may want to filter for Defenders* or Guardians of the Galaxy* if you're interested -OR- Marvel* without the Thor/Loki - These focus a lot on the Thor* fandom if you want to witness the results of like 8 years of constant voracious reading in that fandom (Minus the ship), because, seriously, I read a LOT of Odinson family fic. - Bonus, just do a search for Maximoff* to find some really good X-Men: First Class-verse because, listen, I have been ALL ABOUT the Maximoff twins since long before the movies or MCU brought them over and I will DIE ON THE HILL of "Marvel, make Magneto their bio-dad again or I'm never reading another comic of yours ever".

TOLKIEN/LORD OF THE RINGS/SILMARILLION/HOBBIT: - Tolkien* -OR- Hobbit* -OR- Lord of the Rings* searches will turn up most of my Elf-hunting, I primarily focus on the Sindar Elves, but look I can't resist my problematic Feanorian faves or that I will die on the hill that Fingolfin is the best ever. (You have NO IDEA how sad I am that so much fic on Stories of Arda or FFNET is not easily bookmarked on AO3, sob. I externally bookmarked a few of the bigger ones, but sooo many shorter faves are missing from my recs tag.)

CLAMP: - X/Tokyo Babylon legitimately bums me out because it's not a huge fandom and yet so much of what was written was pre-AO3 and lost when CLAMPesque went down or was never brought over from Livejournal, yet this fandom (well, the Seishirou/Subaru pairing) still burns brightly in my heart.

MINOR FANDOMS: Ones that probably only have under 100 bookmarks (often around the 20-30 bookmarks range), but will at least give you a place to start! ANIME/MANGA: Bleach | Cardcaptor Sakura | Dragonball | Finder no Hyouteki/Viewfinder | Katekyou Hitman Reborn! | Kuroko no Basuke | One Piece | Sailor Moon | Madoka Magica | Naruto | Princess Tutu | Trigun | Weiss Kreuz | Yuri!!! on Ice

BOOKS: Chrestomanci | Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint

DRAMAS: Nirvana in Fire | The Untamed -OR- Modao Zu Shi

TV SHOWS/MOVIES: Community | Game of Thrones -OR- ASOIAF | Good Omens | Hannibal | Highlander | The Old Guard | Our Flag Means Death | Stranger Things

VIDEO GAMES: Dragon Age: Inquisition | Final Fantasy 8 | Genshin Impact | Okami

BANDS: Arashi

All right, whew, that was actually a fun project, despite how much work it was to hunt down a lot of older faves to see if they were on AO3, hopefully you'll find this useful!

[blackbirdie1234]

The Best Admirer

Fred! Weasley x GN!Reader

(Friends to lovers <3)

This is a Gender nuetral fic. I have only ever written for Fem! but I tried my best to use language that was GN. Let me know if there is anything I can do to improve!

a/n: Sorry for taking so long with this fic. I wanted to try something different. You and Fred are in your sixth year, also scabbers isn't Petter Pettigrew in this he is just a rat lol. Thank you for all the likes and interactions! I'm glad you all like my content. Feel free to request more Harry Potter fics for any character! As always feel free to interact and comment :) Not proof read!

Summary: You have been receiving letters from a secret admirer for weeks. The only problem is you are in love with Fred Weasley, who acts like you are best buds and nothing more. What happens when the secret admirer decides they are done sending letters and wants to meet in person.

This is the sixth letter you have received in the last two weeks. Not that you aren't flattered, you just wish that this "secret admirer" would reveal themselves already. You aren't the most patient person, you never have been and all these letters are pushing your curiosity.

The first letter was lovely. You had never had someone pay that much attention to you or at least tell you about it. It made you start questioning who this mystery person was.

"Dear Y/n, A few days ago I saw you sitting in the library, catching up on DADA homework. I have never seen anyone look so ethereal. How can someone look so unearthly, while doing something so mundane? The way you stick your tongue out ever so slightly when you are writing, or when you bite your lip when you are focused on something so intense makes me melt. I've never seen something so perfect. I hope I don't sound creepy, but I wanted to express how amazing you are to me.

Love, your secret admirer."

After the third one, your curiosity increased. You had no clue who it could be. Valentine's Day was coming up and you wondered if your admirer would reveal themselves soon. As selfish as it was you only had one person you hoped this could be.

Fred Weasley

You and Fred have been friends since the first year after he defended you against a seventh-year student who thought it was funny to make fun of your glasses.

Fred has always been a good friend to you. You're close to George as well, but it could never compare to the connection you have with his brother. You and Fred understand each other in a way no one else could. You didn't develop a crush on him until your third year, but ever since then, your feelings have only grown.

It's a cold and wet February day, not that you mind. You've always found comfort in the rain.

You are walking to class with a group of your friends, holding the latest letter in your hand, when you hear distinct laughter behind you.

"OI, BUNNY!" You hear footsteps bounding behind you as you turn around to see Fred and George sharing a wide smile and jogging to catch up to you.

"I'll catch up with you lot later." You wave to your friends as they continue walking to McGonagall's classroom.

"Bunny please tell George that I am your favorite Weasley. He seems to have it in his diluted mind that HE is the favorite and that just cannot be true, can it?" Fred smirks, knowing you would choose him over George any day of the week.

"Hmm, but you aren't." You hold back a smile as Fred's face falls in confusion and George's eyes perk up in interest.

"Yeah, yeah I thought you knew. Scabbers is definitely my favorite Weasley." You say with a smile as you start walking.

Fred's face turns from confusion into full disgust.

"You choose A RAT over ME?? A literal RAT." Fred says sounding appalled, only having to take a few steps until he's beside you, George following suit.

"I don't blame her, he is way less annoying than you" George remarks, a smirk appearing on his face before his brother pushes him into the corridor wall.

"Why do you hurt me so, love?" Fred feigns a frown, clutching his chest as if you've injured him.

"I am sorry darling, how will I ever repay you?" You respond, giggling softly at the boy's overdramatic ways.

"Hmmm, profess your undying love for me and maybe I will forgive you" He spoke with a mischievous grin, dodging your hand barrelling towards him with a laugh.

"In your dreams, Weasley" You retort, rolling your eyes but turning away to hide the blushing smile creeping upon your face.

You, Fred, and George walk to class, lowering your heads as you walk in the classroom trying to be discreet so you don't feel disappointment in Mcgonagals gaze when she sees that you are late as always.

You normally sit with Fred but decided to sit next to Hermione today, you wanted to read the note without Fred questioning what you were doing. You NEEDED to figure out who this mystery person was. It was eating you alive. Fred would just complicate things, he would probably try and read the letter and you did NOT want to explain what was happening. And yes maybe it was because you were secretly hoping it was him, and him seeing the letter and not knowing what it was would ruin that thought for you. So you were keeping it a secret. At least until you figure out who it is.

You kept reading the letters over and over again. You were obsessed at this point. Whoever this was obviously knew you well, they write as if they've known you for a long time. They would add details that you are sure you have only told a few people. They knew your favorite color, flower, and food, they even knew that you preferred to keep your hair long and over your ears because you felt insecure about it. If they weren't so poetic and sweet in their words you would be creeped out but you could tell this person was genuine, just by the way they wrote to you, as if you were someone worth writing for.

The next few days you became distant from everyone around you. You stayed to yourself in class, at the library, in your dorm. You wanted to figure out the letters so you decided the best way to investigate and you needed there to be no distractions. Even though you are an introvert you at least talk to your friends, especially Fred and George. All you could think about though was those stupid letters and who it could possibly be. You ruled out the majority of your friends, as you only have a small group of them.

You begin reading another letter.

"Dear Y/n, I must confess, I've admired you in secret for quite a while now. I've been enchanted by your beauty, intelligence, kindness, and your grace. I am scared you will not look at me the same after finding out who I am. I fear it will affect our connection. I just can't love you in secret anymore. So I have decided to explain how I feel in these letters in the hope you will understand exactly how I feel about you. I am not always great at expressing how I feel out loud so I hope this will make up for it. I admire you for many reasons but here are a few I can point out. I admire the way you carry yourself with such confidence and poise, yet remain humble and kind in your words and actions. Your inner beauty reflects the outer, captivating all who have the privlidge of seeing it. I will reveal myself soon my love. For now, I will continue to send these letters and poems as a reminder that I have loved you before, I will love you now, and I will love you after. With love, your secret admirer."

As you sit by the black lake re-reading the letter in your hands, you are pulled from your thoughts when you hear your name being called in the distance.

"Y/N" You hear, voice loud despite being almost a football field away from you. You know who it is obviously, you could recognize that voice anywhere. George. You slam your book shut, the letter hiding beneath the pages.

As the boy gets closer you wonder what he's doing alone. It's strange to see him without his brother by his side, both walking in sync, talking or laughing about the next prank/invention they are going to whip up. So seeing him walk up alone was very odd.

"Hey bunny, where have you been?" He questions sitting next to you, taking his shoes off making sure not to get dirt on the blanket scrawled out beneath you both. Bunny a nickname given to you by Fred in your first year on the ride to Hogwarts, he told you it's because your eyes and nose reminded him of a bunny and coincidently it is now your patronus.

"Oh you know, just been busy with potions work. Snape has really pilled it on this week, just trying to make sure I stay on track" You say trying not to show the nervousness buried beneath your smile.

"Fred and I could've helped you with that, Snape may be sick of us but we are damn good at potions" He replies with a cocky smirk, not noticing the lie. You're glad Fred isn't here because he would have seen right through you and questioned you until you spilled.

"Did you need something, not that I don't enjoy your company but you came down here with a sort of determination" You laughed softly while speaking, showing your amusement at the ginger's abrupt greeting.

George's face lit up as if he remembered something important and then reached for his pocket.

"Actually yes" He grins while pulling a pink-tinted letter. A letter that looked all too familiar.

Your eyes widened in surprise. What the HELL was George doing with that letter. Your mind raced as you tried to remember if you might've dropped or misplaced one of the letters, but that couldn't be possible since you kept them in your nightstand with an enchanted lock. You tried to hide your horrified expression as you thought just for a second that George was the one who was sending you these letters. Just as you were about to speak he cleared things up.

"I was told to give this to you, urgent matter" He wiggled his eyebrows while handing it to you, a boyish grin on his face the whole time.

You took the letter with hesitation staring at it, then looking back at George dumbfounded.

"Who gave this to you?" You questioned, shaking the letter with your hand.

"You'll just have to read it and find out I guess" He answered, not giving you much before standing up and placing his shoes back on his feet. Not before you see the small grin that he is obviously trying to hide.

You sit there watching him walk away, not knowing what to think you open the letter placed in your hand.

" Dear Y/n, Hello love, I hope you are well on this beautiful day. By the time you read this letter, I will be preparing. I have sent George to find you and give you this letter for a very special reason. If you want to meet me and know who I am, I will be at the astronomy tower tonight waiting for you. Meet me there at 9 o'clock tonight, bring your wand ;) Love, your secret admirer."

He wants to meet, tonight.

You look up to see the sun setting behind the water and realize it is time for dinner.

You immediately get up and flick your wand, effectively clearing your area of the lawn and packing up your things neatly into your bag. You snatch the bag and run to the castle.

You sit down next to Fred, he looks up at you with a smile. You realize you've been ignoring him for the past couple of weeks. You've been so busy with these letters you haven't even been sitting with him at dinner, as you normally always do.

"Oi Bunny, finally decided to sit next to me have you?" Fred says in a fake annoyed tone, not hiding the smile on his face when you look at him with guilt.

"Don't act as if you haven't missed me dearly darling" You speak, falling back into the playful banter you're used to.

"I'm not acting anything, love. I can't believe you left me with the kids, I've had to get a second job to pull the load" He fake sobs putting his face into his hands.

You rub his back laughing "Oh I am so sorry, honey. I'll buy you a new broom to make up for it."

His head shoots up with a smile "All is forgiven, buttercup"

You both laugh as George and Lee look between the two of you with confusion on their faces.

"You lot are so odd," George says laughing.

You enjoy the rest of dinner throwing banter with your friends, soaking in the time spent with them. You didn't realize how much you missed them until now. You wanted to enjoy this before you met your mystery person tonight.

You didn't realize you were staring at Fred the whole dinner until he looked at you and asked if there was something on his face. You responded by tucking your face away as it turned beet red.

"What should I wear? What if this is a prank? What if it's a first year or something?? Oh god, was I too nice to that one Ravenclaw in the great hall last month when he spilled milk on himself and I helped him clean it up???" You rant, pacing back and forth in your dorm.

Your friend who was sitting on the bed in front of you stands up grabbing your shoulders.

"Calm down! Breath!" they say shaking you back and forth, making you look at them.

They push you onto the bed and walk to the closet while talking.

"It is not a prank, you are a catch! I'm surprised you aren't getting letters from every person at Hogwarts by now" They say winking at you cheekily. "It is not a first year, especially not that Ravenclaw bloke" They answer putting clothes on the bed next to you in stacks. "If you want me to be honest I think it's a certain redhead who is always ogling you from afar without you noticing." They look at you waving their eyebrows and smirking.

"Who? Ron???" You ask with a look of disgust.

"No, you can be so daft sometimes you know" They roll their eyes in disappointment. "Fred, of course. Who else looks at you like you hold the stars in your eyes"

"Fred? No way." You put your head down hiding the blush threatening to rise to your cheeks. "He most definitely does not look at me like that. Besides, I think he likes Angelina." You can't help the jealousy raging in your chest as you think about it.

"What? No way! She and George have been going out for weeks now, they follow each other around like lovesick puppies. You've been so busy focusing on these letters you just haven't noticed." They speak knowingly as they pick up an outfit and hold it up for you to try on, pushing it towards you.

You breathe out in relief at the new information, standing up and heading to the bathroom. More of your roommates come into the dorm and help you get ready, excited for you to finally meet the person who has occupied your thoughts for the past few weeks.

Every time you come out of the bathroom you get their opinions and then shoved back in with 20 more items. After an hour, you finally walk out of the bathroom and the room is completely silent. Everyone is in awe just staring at you, mouths open.

"What?? What's wrong?" You hurriedly speak, looking down at yourself and then back at everyone with concern on your face.

Everyones face lights up and they start speaking all at once.

"You look amazing!"

"You're so hot omg!"

"Who is this lucky git who gets to see you like this"

They flood you with compliments, all agreeing this is the outfit you NEED to wear tonight.

Girl outfit ideas 1,2,3.

Guy outfit ideas 1,2,3.

Gn outfit ideas 1,2,3.

(Feel free to imagine any outfit you want these are just some ones I like)

Your friend takes your hand and drags you to the full-length mirror in the middle of the room, a big smile on their face, placing you in front of it and showing you the outfit in all its glory.

"You have to wear this, you look amazing. Anyone would be lucky to see you in this on a date like wow." They say in awe, everyone else in the room sharing their looks and sounds of approval.

They give you some accessories and pull the outfit fully together. You do your hair put some makeup on, look in the mirror, and smile.

Getting ready helped ease your nerves but now that you are ready and you have to wait all of the anxiety is coming back full force. The overwhelming thoughts flood back into your brain.

What If I don't like the person?

Can someone really like me this much?

Should I even go?

Before you could get too lost in your thoughts you heard the clock.

Dingggg, dinggggg, dingggg

You look up and read the time.

Shit I'm going to be late

You take one last look in the mirror and grab your wand before leaving the dorm and sneaking down the stairs.

You sneak around the castle making sure to not run into any prefects or Filch. When you get to the tower door you take a deep breath before continuing up the stairs.

When you walk into the tower the doorway is lined with candles leading to the middle of the room, as you continue walking you see a blanket with flower petals lying around the beautifully woven cloth. A wicker basket sits in the middle of the blanket, overflowing with bread, pastries, cheese, and jam.

As you are processing the sight before you, footsteps coming from behind you make you freeze.

"I almost thought you wouldn't come" A deep husky voice comes from behind you, giving you goosebumps across your skin.

Fred?

You turn around slowly, your face showing the shock you feel in your bones.

"Y-you?" You stutter releasing a breath you didn't know you were holding.

"Disappointed?" Fred questions, a shy smile on his face but you can hear the nervousness in his voice.

"Is this real? I mean are you being serious?" A mix of questioning and genuine shock bleeding into your words as you speak. You feel as if the room is spinning as you try to grasp the reality of this situation.

"Do you think I would joke about this? Come on Bunny, I know I make jokes and pranks but I'm not a foul git." Fred laughs trying to ease the tension that lingers in the space between you before he continues.

"I have felt this way for a very long time, I just haven't known how to tell you" He walks towards you slowly, and you finally sink back into the moment enough to see the flowers in his hands.

"(Your favorite flower)" You say softly, staring at the beautifully arranged bouquet in his hands. "How did you-"

"In the third year, you had a muggle book of flowers, you left it in the common room one day and when I returned it to you I noticed a particular page that looked more worn than the others. I just figured this was your favorite. Other than that it just suits you. If I were to imagine you as a flower I'd guess this one." Fred looks down and blushes as he realizes he just went on a rant about you as a flower but quickly tries to save his confidence by looking back up and stepping closer to you holding the bouquet out for you to take.

You look into his eyes and then at the flowers before taking them. You were completely and utterly dumbfounded. Never in a million years did you believe this moment would ever happen, but you couldn't be happier.

You smile brightly at Fred. "Thank you, Fred. Genuinely, this is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me."

"For you anything" He replies, looking down at you with nothing but pure adoration in his eyes.

He offers his hand for you to take and you accept, putting your hand in his. You blush realizing how large his hands actually are. He leads you to the blanket and keeps your hand in his as he helps you sit. He moves to the other side of the blanket, taking two glasses and filling them with wine. He hands one to you and takes a deep breath before speaking again.

"Y/n, I love you. I have loved you since the first year when I saw you at the sorting ceremony. You had big dorky glasses and your face was bright as a tomato, I saw how nervous you were going up in front of everyone but I never understood why. When I saw you I thought you were the most beautiful person I had ever seen, I couldn't understand how someone could be nervous when they had absolutely nothing to hide from. It wasn't just me, I saw how other people looked at you as well. It isn't just your looks that drew me in though, it was that quiet giggle I heard behind me when I accidentally hit Marcus Flint with a dung bomb. It was the most amazing sound I had ever heard in my entire life. That sound is the single reason I continued to prank people. I wanted to hear you laugh any chance I got and eventually, I started enjoying pranking and making jokes because it was fun. I am telling you this because I want you to understand how much you have turned my life upside down Y/n L/n. I understand if you don't feel the same but I couldn't keep this from you any longer. I meant everything I wrote in those letters, I didn't know how to tell you how I felt without ruining our friendship. I wasn't even going to send the letters when I began writing them, I wrote letters for you for over a year before I sent the first one. I saved them in hopes that one day I could send them and finally express how I felt to you. I know this is a lot to process and I am sorry if this is too much for you and if you need time I fully understand." Fred expresses holding your hand and looking into your eyes taking in every expression on your face. At the end, he releases a long breath, and you can see his shoulders relax. You now understand how much this had affected him and how long he has been hiding.

He stares at you waiting for you to speak or even make a sound, when suddenly you smash your lips against his. His eyes widen in surprise and he sinks into the kiss. He grips the back of your head, not roughly but hard enough to keep you in the same position. You grip at his shirt, as your mouths continue to move perfectly in sync. When both of you finally pull away your chest heaves, trying to steady your breathing.

"I feel the same way Fred, you don't even understand how glad I am that it is you" You smile, face flushed at the realization of the bold move you just pulled.

"Well, I'd bloody hope so, or do you just like kissing your friends?" You both laugh, the sound airy and light.

You sit and talk for hours under the starlight. Both sharing smiles and laughs, enjoying each other's company. Fred gives you his jacket when he sees you shiver and you take in the warmth, noticing he put on a new cologne you've never smelt before. You sit, eat, talk, and cuddle until you realize how late it is.

"Oh shit" You shriek, sitting up quickly. "What time is it?" You look back at Fred, still lying on the blanket. His eyes go wide as he checks his watch.

You and Fred clean up the blanket and food and begin walking to the door.

You feel your wrist being tugged and you look behind you.

"Hold on, I know a different way." He grins widely and drags you to the other side of the tower, he pulls out his wand. He gestures his wand at you, telling you to bring yours out.

"Repeat after me, revelio" He asks

Fred holds up three fingers, pointing his wand at the floor and you follow suit. When the last finger goes down you speak in unison.

"Revelio"

Suddenly the floor opens up and a staircase unfolds before your eyes. You stand there shocked, wondering how Fred discovered this mystery passage.

"Lumos" Fred mumbles and light shoots out of his wand, allowing you to see down the stairs. He gestures for you to take his hand and you hesitantly accept.

"Trust me, it's just a passage. I would never put you in harm's way." Fred assures you, turning forward after you nod your head and he begins descending the steps.

You continue hand in hand down the stairs, and when you reach the bottom you realize you are right next to the Gryffindor common room.

"How in the world did you figure this out?" You question astonished. You think back to all of the pranks he has pulled without getting caught and into trouble, it makes you wonder how many of these secret passages he has figured out.

"A good magician never reveals his secrets" Fred smirks and whispers the password to the very tired and annoyed fat lady.

He walks you to your dorm stairs and you both blush and giggle staring at each other.

"I guess this is goodnight" Fred whispers, looking at you as if you hold the sun in your eyes.

"I guess it is" You reply, both of you slowly leaning in.

"Goodnight"

"Goodnight"

You close the space between you and share a sweet and loving kiss.

You pull away first but Fred chases your lips making you giggle into another peck.

"Okay, okay we really need to get to bed" You laugh lightly, trying to be quiet and not make yourselves known to any nosy students.

"You really want to go" He pouts, even though he is joking you can see the hesitation in his eyes. Not wanting this moment to end.

"I'll see you tomorrow" You smile, enjoying watching him yearn for your affection.

"Promise?"

"I promise"

[stolitzsings]

This is a sort of response to a post I've seen floating around, drawing parallels between the chains in Blitz’s trip that bind him to Stolas and the chains that bind Husk, Angel, and Fizz to Alastor, Valentino, and Mammon respectively. I'm not commenting on that post directly bc I avoid Discourse (tm) at all costs for the sake of my health, and I don’t want to get drawn into an unproductive argument that will mess with my anxiety for a week. I'm not trying to start a fight, just get my thoughts out on why I feel that comparison is inaccurate, and hopefully provide some helpful context and nuance.

So! Let's start with a few disclaimers! First of all, I'm not going to debate the moral purity of any of these characters. I just don't think it's an interesting or valuable critique. On a related note, I am not trying to excuse any of their behavior. I'm happy to admit that my favorite characters in this show have hurt people and are sometimes total assholes. Stolas treated Blitz very poorly at the beginning of their relationship, frequently pushed or even ignored boundaries, and was just kind of a dick about things. My objection to a direct comparison between Stolas and the other characters mentioned above isn't because I think Stolas hasn't done anything wrong; I just think that saying they're similar without further clarification or commentary ignores the nuance of the situation.

Read on below the cut, it's gonna be another long one folks!

Let's start by examining the "agreements" forged by Val, Mammon, and Alastor. I think it's important to note that, in their cases, the person they got to sign their contract could have been anyone. Husk and Angel could have been any sinners, Fizz could have been any imp. They aren't interested in them as people; they were only using them to gain more power for themselves. The only thing that matters to them is, "What can you do for me?" Angel and Fizz quite clearly become cogs in the machine of Val and Mammon's businesses, and Alastor only thinks of Husk as a tool to be leveraged in specific situations to further his own mysterious goals. Each of them has demonstrated to their subjugates that they own them, body and soul. They have signed legally and spiritually binding contracts that essentially surrender their autonomy to a more powerful demon.

Stolas and Blitz’s agreement is... not that. In the most literal sense, they don’t appear to have made any sort of binding deal. They just made a verbal agreement, which I sincerely doubt has anywhere near the force of a signed soul contract. Additionally, Stolas did not ask for and does not seem to want that sort of total control over Blitz. He very clearly does not view this as any sort of power exchange (which may actually be part of the issue, since it leaves him blind to Blitz’s discomfort with their class difference), he sees it as "favors for favors." While this agreement is inherently unbalanced due to Stolas's status, it's worth noting that they’re both putting something on the line here. The other three risk practically nothing (if the person bound to them fails they can always get a new one), but Stolas IS taking on a real risk by letting Blitz access the living world illegally using his book. Again, that doesn't make his actions right, and probably helped him to justify them, but it does set their relationship apart from the others.

In my opinion, some of Stolas's greatest flaws are his thoughtlessness and his ability to justify his own actions to himself. This manifests in the fact that he clearly doesn't see the ways in which their relationship is hurting Blitz. He convinced himself that this was just an equal exchange, and a continuation of the dynamic Blitz established in their first encounter as adults: "I fuck you, and you give me the book". As he becomes more aware of his feelings for Blitz, though (stay tuned for a deeper analysis of this progression later), he also begins to realize that Blitz isn't happy with this relationship. And this, as @masonshmason pointed out, is the central fact that separates Stolas and Blitz from the other relationships. Stolas did not realize- or chose to ignore- how he was hurting Blitz. Once he came to terms with it, though, he understood that he had to make things right. He specifically says this in "Just Look My Way"; "I will try to make amends/ For making you means to an end". None of the others could say this, because in their case, that was the POINT. Angel, Fizz, and Husk were ALWAYS a means to an end, intentionally trapped for that purpose.

We also need to talk about the CONTEXT of the scenes in which the chain imagery appears. For both Angel and Husk, the chain is at least semi-literal, a physical (and perhaps supernatural) manifestation of the way their souls are bound to an overlord. In "Two Minutes Notice," Fizz purposely CHOOSES to represent his relationship to Mammon as chains around his wrists. However, Blitz's scene is part of a drug trip after being forcibly dosed with hallucinogens. It does not exist in any literal sense, nor is it a representation of Blitz’s conscious, literal thoughts. What it DOES do is showcase Blitz’s deepest fears and his greatest flaws through symbolism and metaphor. Blitz is not literally afraid of being forced to wear a clown costume; he is afraid he'll never escape his past traumas or Fizz's shadow. THIS is the context in which Blitz sees himself being chained by Stolas: a bad trip all about his fear of intimacy and vulnerability.

Stolas appears in this trip as someone elevated high above him, something he's climbing towards, reaching for, even though it means being chained to him. It's directly preceded by his ex girlfriend and his former best friend berating him for how he pushes people away even though he hates being alone. Then Stolas directly asks him, "Are you afraid to love people, Blitzy?" Furthermore, the WAY in which he is framed is alluring, slightly hazy, golden and tempting. It couldn’t be further from the ugly, slime-covered past he's fleeing. It's a new start, a chance for something better that seems too good to be true. This trip is all about Blitz’s inability to be vulnerable with another person. The chain around his neck is a representation of the fact that, by getting closer to Stolas, he's giving Stolas the power to hurt him emotionally.

And man, there's a part of him that wants to give Stolas that power. At this critical moment, he's not baring his teeth in defiance or anger. He's blushing, just slightly, and he looks... nervous. Blitz's instinct, when things get too real, is to cut and run. Hurt them before they can hurt you. Abandon them before they have the chance to leave you. It’s how he tanked his relationship with Verosika. This is a manifestation of what might happen if he stays. This is the sort of trouble he can't fight his way out of.

This is the emotional climax of the scene. There are so many ways they could have gone with this if they wanted to represent Blitz being chained and trapped by his agreement with Stolas. If that was the fear--if that was the POINT--they could have had the chains wrap around him until he couldn't move, or glow white hot and burn into his skin, or a million other more direct metaphors. But the chains aren't the thing that hurts him. It's the feathers: the thing that's left behind after Stolas abandons him, sing-songing "you're going to die alone" right alongside two other people who he loved and who now want nothing to do with him.

Finally, let's look at Blitz’s reaction to this scene. It's a moment of revelation for him, in which he realizes he's pushing everyone away and starts to make an effort to change. It's why he's a bit more open with Moxxie in the next scene. The trip sequence ALSO inspires him to get closer to Stolas, indicating that the trip didn’t make him realize "I'm trapped and I need to get out of this" in the same way Fizz did. Rather, he realizes that he doesn't want Stolas to leave him like everyone else, and he wants to start feeling out what it would be like to deepen the connection between them. As I've mentioned in other posts, their kiss at the end of "truth seekers" represents a level of intimacy that we haven't seen before; it's teasing, affectionate, shows Blitz’s interest in making Stolas happy, and takes place in front of M&M, who have repeatedly teased him about their relationship before.

In summary, while the image of chains may have been invoked in all four of these relationships, they don’t necessarily mean the same thing across the board. Blitz and Stolas's relationship differs substantially from the others in its dynamic, and the context of their scene also sets it apart. It's important to look into the details and the nuance of their relationship to interpret what's going on under layers of trauma and unreliable narration.

[wielderofmysteries]

A Vorthos Defense of Lukka

Sorry this response turned into a small essay (~1400 words) that doesn't really answer your question, but my Hot Take™ is that I don't think Lukka needs to be fixed.

I believe the problem doesn't lie in Lukka himself, but in the way both the narrative and the fandom treated him extremely unfairly. I'm not asking anyone to like Lukka. Personally, I don't even think anything about him is particularly likable. But I think as a character he deserves a lot more respect than he gets, and I'm tired of seeing other people hate on him without actually engaging with his story or understanding what his character is about.

Here's the thing: Lukka is basically the homeless veteran of planeswalkers.

He started his story in Sundered Bond (Ikoria ebook by Django Wexler) already successful in his military career, engaged to be married to Jirina, and having General Kudro's favor. He was a model citizen and his life was great. One day, a flying-hyper-murder-tiger killed Lukka's entire squad and people discovered Lukka was a monster Bonder because the tiger spared him. The rumors got to General Kudro, whose decision upon hearing Lukka might be a bonder was to have Lukka immediately executed.

Lukka didn't betray Drannith. Drannith betrayed Lukka.

Lukka escaped his execution and was rescued in the wilderness by Vivien, who traveled with him to the Ozolith, where a mysterious evil voice caused Lukka to unlock the full power of his monster bonding abilities. Through it all, Lukka still tried to hang onto his old life. His allegiance hadn't changed. At first, Lukka wanted to use the monsters he controlled to fight for Drannith, not against it. Lukka was convinced that the offer of a loyal monster army would be enough for the city to take him back, but he was no longer welcome in Drannith.

Lukka became increasingly unstable and spiraled into insanity because he had his life unexpectedly, completely ruined and wanted nothing more than to return home to his old life, but that wasn't possible because he now belonged to a class of people who were extremely stigmatized in Drannith's society. He had become an undesirable. Once the city's shining star, he was now the lowest of the low. He lost his loyalty and turned against the city when he realized Drannith didn't care about people, Drannith cared about keeping people in their places.

In Sundered Bond, Lukka loses literally everything. He loses his job. He loses all his friends. He loses his fiance. He loses his home. Everything. He even loses the cat. This all happens to him within like, a week.

Lukka experiences the same hostility in his second appearance, Strixhaven. At this point, he's still a new planeswalker, and he's been planeswalking blindly trying to find civilization again. He arrives on Arcavios thirsty and starving and tired and injured. When he finally finds a town, he visits an inn and asks only for food. But they don't give him any food! They won't allow him to wash up or to rest! This is a man who has nothing and has done nothing, and the townspeople are suspicious of Lukka and want to call the Dragonsguard –Strixhaven's magical cops– on him because he committed the crime of... existing near them while visibly having basic needs that are unmet.

=========

"Looking for something, stranger?" said the innkeeper, a round man with a head of robust curls.

"A hot meal," said Lukka. The innkeeper hesitated as though about to say something, then nodded and moved toward the kitchen.

"Haven't seen clothes like that before," came a voice behind Lukka. "You're not from around here, I imagine."

He turned. A tall man in the same rough clothing as the rest of the townsfolk had stood up from his table and was walking over.

[…]

He heard the man suck his teeth. The innkeeper still hadn't returned from the kitchen. Lukka was starting to doubt he ever would.

"Okay, Oriq, I think I've heard enough. We don't take kindly to meddlers in this town, or those who seek to disturb the peace. If we were a proper city, we'd get the closest, least busy Dragonsguard to sort you out. But we're just a small farming village—so we've learned to deal with strangers ourselves."

[Episode 2: Lessons - Adana Washington]

=========

Fans like to point at Lukka and make "ACAB" ("All Cops Are Bastards") jokes about him, but they don't understand that he's explicitly an anti-cop character. Lukka was formerly a cop, but he quit and fully turned his back on the entire concept of policing when he realized that the reason cops exist is not to protect people, but to rid society of undesirables like him.

=========

"These dragons," Lukka said, his voice a growl. "Those Dragonsguard. They've held power over these people for too long. They've made them fearful of every shadow, every unfamiliar face. What happens when it's not just the Oriq they're hunting down—when it's anyone who practices magic in a way they don't like?"

[Episode 3: Extracurriculars - Adana Washington]

=========

I know what many of you will say: "How can Lukka have such a based take when he's such a terrible person?" It's true– he is not a good person. He's an asshole and he's harmed / killed innocent people and animals. But he's been both a cop and a homeless man, and he knows that cops are far more dangerous. You don't need to be a "good" person to deserve food and shelter. It's cops who promote the idea that you can deny the basic rights of the people you think are "bad".

So on Arcavios, he's again forced out of civilization and back into the wilderness. His suffering seriously never ends. The way he was treated, it's no wonder he accepted when the Oriq kidnapped him and asked him to help attack Strixhaven. Why should he give a damn about society if they don't care about him? If their society is so fearful of others that they are unwilling to practice compassion, unwilling to provide for people's most basic needs even when they haven't done anything wrong, then doing wrong doesn't matter. They will share his pain. He will watch it all burn to the ground.

Lukka is an example of what happens when someone's basic humanity is repeatedly denied to the point that they can no longer feel anything but anger.

This line from the story Survival of the Fittest, by Roy Graham, expresses it perfectly:

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He had been a cruel man by the end, a villain in so many ways. But perhaps in his position, there was no way to become anything else."

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Lukka reaches out for stability and support and never truly finds it. He's a character who keeps getting punished over and over for having bad things happen *to* him, not because he *does* bad things. Most of the bad stuff he actually does is in response to others treating him like shit for no reason.

Despite everything, Vivien still cared for Lukka and wanted to help him get back on his feet. She thought Lukka's military expertise would be useful to the strike team against New Phyrexia, and she encouraged him to join. They both saw it as an opportunity for Lukka to regain some of his dignity and protect his home once more. How does the narrative reward him for his effort? By corrupting him, humiliating him, and having him be put down like an animal by the only person who showed him any compassion through all this.

What could Lukka have become if he survived to be rehabilitated? I guess we'll never know.

Unfortunately, there is absolutely no hope for a character who mistreats animals. Most fans will never ever get past that, and there's a part of me that honestly believes Lukka just got phyrexianized and killed off because the Magic narrative team realized they couldn't salvage his reputation and didn't know what to do with him. The fandom's overwhelming negative response to Lukka had irreparably damaged him as a character.

As my bespoke friend @xantchaslegacy said, "The only meaningful difference about Lukka and Gideon's cop-to-planeswalker journey is that the narrative let Gideon live long enough for other people to make him a better person. And Lukka got shanked before it could happen."

Again, I don't need people to like Lukka. I just want people to understand. I wish people were more willing to actually engage with the story and see the value in characters they dislike. There's no reason Lukka should've been treated like a punching bag the way he was. He was trapped in a cycle of being dunked on by the story and then dunked on by the fans, again and again. And people continue to push an understanding of Lukka that is just false.

The fandom reacted to Lukka the same way the strangers on Arcavios did: He'll never get a second chance because they wouldn't even give him a first chance.

[bluewhitehues]

HUG | KIM MINGYU

Part 12 - The concert day

Summary: You secretly like your bestfriend chan,he has no idea and sets you up on a blind date with his friend and hyung Mingyu.

Genre: fluff, comfort,strangers to lovers, romance

Pairing: idol kim mingyu ×fem reader

Warnings: slightly suggestive at the end, lots of kisses, first time hickeys, mingyu and reader both are little shits riling each other up.

Part 12 (last)

Mingyu has been very busy these past few weeks. Practicing for the concert, going to events in different countries ..that means this is the first time you're meeting him properly after nearly 2-3 weeks.

It's a 2 day concert in Osaka Japan. And as promised before he made all the preparations for you to be there ..he got you concert tickets flight tickets everything.

You're attending for the second day. And you both are very excited ..he wants you to watch him perform and you want to see him performing as well.

Well you have attended their concert before when chan and you had gotten close and it was an amazing experience. You started listening to their songs more from then. You know all of them are very passionate and a sight to see when they perform as a whole team. That time you didn't specifically pay attention to mingyu but you know he's a beast when he performs ..and as excited as you're to watch him , you know you're going to have a hard time after seeing him like that ..your boyfriend is many things and being mesmerizing and enchanting is one of them..your heart is going to have a hard time today.

They've booked the whole hotel as always, and when you landed he sent someone to get you there. It's no problem to stay in the same hotel or same room as him cause their team is already big enough so no one would notice its easy to blend in.

They're practicing when you arrive that morning so you don't get to meet him yet. He calls you briefly to tell you eat something and rest. He just melts your heart each time. He even told the staff to deliver the food that you like to your room ..you thank them and eat in your room. It feels weird and awkward even if it's his staff and they know you're dating, you feel awkward around them cause you're staying in the same room as mingyu.

You try to sleep but you can't because you're dying to meet him, hug him and kiss him finally. And when the door opens,you sit straight in the bed, he comes inside and instantly smiles big after noticing you.

"I told you to rest why are you waiting for me" he's scolding you but can't stop that smile on his face when he sees you getting out of the bed and running towards him straight in his arms and he catches you as always, chuckling at you.

"I was dying here I missed you so much how can I sleep." You whine in his neck clutching at him.

"I missed you too bub so muchhh" He whines back squeezing you.

"But wait I'm all sweaty I've to take a shower."He says pulling back pouting at you.

You tiptoe to peck his pout and he smiles instantly kissing you. He strokes your waist while kissing and you feel butterflies all over and inside your body. He pulls back after giving you a last peck.

"You didn't have any problem through the flight,did you? Was the journey good?." He asks tucking your hair behind your ear.

"No you literally got me the best flight and the first class ticket like what was the need Babe I know you're rich but please chill that was too much" You scold him.

and he sheepishly smiles at you "I wanted My baby to have a comfortable journey and you deserve the best of everything princess, your boyfriend has lots of money let him treat you like that." He says shrugging and poking your nose with his index finger.

You're flushed and flustered because he just keeps making you feel special again and again you might tear up. "Ok lover go to the shower now" You say pushing him and getting back under the blanket. He laughs at your flushed face and goes to shower.

After finishing shower he comes back wearing a white robe and Holy fuck you think it's not such a good choice to stay in the same room as him. He looks extra fine and hot. And the fact that you're seeing him after so long adds up to it. You try not to look at him but you're failing terribly. He's drying his hair and doing his skincare, while you're looking at him and his damn side profile.

He knows you're staring at him.

He smirks still looking in the mirror, "what bub cant stop staring at me? Or you're checking me out again?" He then looks at you raising one of his eyebrows at you.

You huff narrowing your eyes at him through your panicked state ..."You wish..I-I was looking because I missed you." You manage to come up with that.

"Really? Not because I look good?" He fake pouts at you.

"I didn't say that ...you're looking good" You say gulping.

"Say it more nicely then it's like you're just saying it." He loves hearing compliments from you and when you're trying to be cool about it he'll provoke you until you don't say it properly.

"You look hot and fine and handsome and right now I'm thanking god that he made you my boyfriend. " You say peeking through the blanket.

And needless to say that he smirks again, "Yeah?"

"Yeah" You repeat. And when he's coming towards you, you panick and disappear under the blanket and he laughs loudly at you, "Baby you're so cute" He says while laughing and trying to take off the cover from your face and when he manages to do it..he's smiling down at you.. the softest, most heart warming smile ever, showing off his beautiful canines and shining eyes, and then he leans down to put the most gentle kiss on your forehead. You close your eyes,And your heart skips a beat all over again..he's just so nice, so perfect so good to you and you feel just so much love for him.

You stop him when he's pulling back and put his forehead on yours, you close your eyes feeling him close to you. You whisper a "I love you" against his lips, "I love you too baby" He whispers back with a smile, sighing against your lips pressing a firm tingling peck on your lips.

He gets ready in comfy clothes because after a few hours he has to go for soundcheck and then the concert.

"Did you eat baby? " You ask him

"I did but I'm hungry again." He pouts.

So you cut the fruits for him and feed him. While he's looking at you with starry eyes, so you giggle "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because I can't take my eyes off of you ..you're so cute and pretty ..and I love how you take care of me" He says tilting his head and smiling at you. He holds your hand when you're feeding him and pulls you closer to his face.

You raise your brows at him and he motions you to eat the apple slice he's holding between his lips and you laugh out loud at him,saying "you're so cheesy" but you're still going closer to bite it..the closer he comes the far you go teasing him only eating the corner of the slice ..and he's determined to reach your lips so you surprise him by finally going forward and touching his lips with yours while taking a bite from the apple..and he pulls you in a sweet slow kiss, you both giggling in between because you still have that apple in your mouth.

After sharing your sweet time together he goes off to the concert venue for the sound check. He tells you that someone will take you there later. You hug him, giving him all the energy that he's gonna need.

You get ready when it's concert time, wearing a white crop top and blue baggy jeans, doing a cute hairstyle and make up.

You're there and the concert is finally starting. You're waiting so desperately to finally see him perform ..and everybody else as well ofcourse.

And when they open the concert you're screaming your lungs out. Your eyes automatically finding mingyu and staying on him wherever he moves, you feel so proud of him watching him perform like that. Whenever his verses come and you hear him sing and rap you're either melting or going insane at how good he sounds.

After performance they start introducing themselves and his eyes are searching for you as soon as he gets the chance ..you're still so far from the stage but he manages to find you. And looking at you it makes him blush and smile,you're looking so pretty so cute and he thinks he'll have a hard time trying not to look at you too much and make it obvious,that there indeed is someone particular he's looking at.

That doesn't mean he'll go easy on you though.

You enjoy the concert to the fullest. When the hip-hop unit stage comes you are speechless to say the least. 'How is he so awesome? How's he so talented? How's he so hot ? How's he so fine af..How's he all mine? '..all the thoughts went through your head. You were just so so proud of him.

You: HOLY FUCK BABE YOU WERE AMAZING I THINK IM IN LOVE WITH YOUUU

You: You're hot when you're rapping 😶‍🌫️

You: babe you're killing ittttt

You text him after almost every performance/ break. Though he won't see it right now,he will later ..and that'll make him so happy you just know it.

When there's seventeen stage again, you cant help but get immersed into their beautiful songs and dances. You knew these boys and they were the exact same as they are in real life, always spreading their contagious energy and happiness. The smile didn't leave your face the whole time.

There also came songs where your boyfriend took every last bit of sanity you had left. He totally was flirting with you and seducing you, you knew it is directed towards you when you saw him giving you glances and smirks every now and then..If you were intimidated by him earlier in the hotel room when he was wearing the robe after shower, this is definitely deadlier than that you think ..the intense choreography, your boyfriend's bulging exposed biceps, the body rolls, his raspy and hypnotizing voice... he made you a blushing mess with all of his advances.

Oh your mind went feral with the thoughts..and they definitely were not innocent. His seduction didnt help at all. Everyone else in the concert is going crazy for him and to think he's crazy for you ..gives you different kind of heart fluttering feeling, you knew you were lucky to have him but now you think it's an understatement.. you've this urge to claim him, to tell the world that he's all yours.

For the last segment of concert they're so goofy and in contrast to his earlier personality, your boyfriend turns into a big hyperactive puppy which is so adorable. You enjoy so much singing along, dancing,jumping along with them. Mingyu looks at you as much as he can without being obvious..he throws you big smiles asking you to dance and jump with him.

That sly guy even subtly says something to you during his ment "I'm especially so happy today, I wanted to show my best self and I really hope you loved it ..thank you for coming, I love you so much" He says with a big smile looking in your direction and then looking at other sides as well, bowing to carats. And your heart fills with warmth all over again, you cant wait to hold him in your arms and tell him back how much you love him too.

You meet him backstage after the concert, they're still filming some content so you're sitting in a waiting room where they told you to sit. When he finally comes to you after 20 minutes .."damn you're looking much more beautiful up close." He says looking at you up and down then grinning at you. You throw your head back laughing at him, "Really? Well I could say the same about you."

He grabs your face and leans down to smash his lips on yours, finally sighing in content followed by your own sigh, you hold him by his collar and other hand intertwined with his hand.

"How was it? Did you enjoy the concert? Did I do well?" He asks after pulling back still close to your face looking in your eyes,waiting for your answer eagerly.

You smile big at him stroking his cheek with one of your hand .."You did so well my love, I felt so proud of you ,you have no idea. You're amazing"

He smiles at you "Thank you baby I think i went a little crazy to impress you." He laughs

You grin at him .."Really? You didn't need to though, you're perfect..also you said you hoped i love it ..i did, you were so amazing.. and I love you so much too"

He smiles so big at you hugging you. "You noticed that I thought you won't may be..I wish I could mention you properly though." He says pulling back looking at you.

"Ofcourse I'd notice do you know how emotional you got me, I don't need you to mention my name to know you're talking about me ..trust me this was even more special for me..I love you." You say cupping his cheek.

"Thank you for saying that bub I love you too" He says pecking your nose.

You scrunch your nose making him laugh

"By the way you must be tired how are you feeling, don't you want to sit?" You say motioning him to sit on the couch.

"I'm tired and so hungry.. these boys are taking forever , we're good to go when they're done" He says with a groan.

He sits down, pulling you on his lap. And your heart almost jumps out of your chest. He seems so casual about it but this is like the first time you're sitting on his lap. You're flustered and your heart is beating fast.

"By the way you really do look very pretty wait we should take pictures." He says near your ear, his arm is draped over your bare tummy and he's pulling out his phone with the other hand.

When he opens the camera, the blush is clear on your cheeks..he laughs kissing your cheek "look at you so cuteee"

You groan hiding your face in his neck "uh shut upp". He laughs again "Come on look here"

You look in the camera and smile, then he's putting his face on your shoulder,pressing his cheek onto yours making a kissy face , you do the same..then he's kissing your cheek, you blush, then you kiss him on the cheek too. You click a few more pictures when someone bursts into the room and scares the living shit out of you, you jump out of mingyu's lap clutching your heart when you notice it's just Chan.

"You little shit you scared me" You scold him.

"Wow you're ever so loving just like I remember" He says sarcastically, "but what were you doing? there was no need to get so scared." He says with a annoying grin on his face raising his brow at two of you.

Mingyu scoffs getting up and holding you "idiot..we were taking pictures"

"You ok baby?" He asks rubbing your arms.

"Yeah" You say leaning back at him.

Then Mingyu is called by his manager, you talk with chan meanwhile.

When everyone gathers in the room, greeting you, seungkwan asks if you enjoyed the show.. "I enjoyed it so much and you were amazing kwannie"

"And what about me?" Dokyeom asks.

You chuckle at him "Ofcourse you were amazing too..everyone was." You give them a smile.

"She's lying guys when I asked her earlier she said and I quote 'sorry but I couldn't' take my eyes off of my boyfriend so i didnt see you much" ..chan says making you gasp and hit his arm..Ofcourse he won't be your bestfriend if he doesn't embarrass you in front of everyone.

And as soon as mingyu hears what chan said he's coming to you backhugging you while giggling ..."aww baby really."

And you're embarrassed as hell ..."NOOO I was just teasing you, you idiot Ofcourse everyone of you did a great job.. I swear I'm not lying" you say your eyes going from seungkwan to dokyeom "I saw you in your unit stages and you seriously were amazing you even made me cry." You tell them honestly and they burst out laughing "Ok ok we believe you thank you for looking at us in our unit stages" dokyeom says exaggeratedly with a annoying smile on his face pulling your leg and you groan covering your face with your hands.

Mingyu takes them off envelope your hands in his kissing them. "Really I was that amazing? Couldn't take your eyes off of me?" He's whispering near your ear a smirk on his face, making your skin erupt in goosebumps, you turn to look at him narrowing your eyes, whispering a little "shut up" He chuckles at you.

"You still didn't say anything about me though I'll remember that." Chan says grabbing your attention. He's sulking at you.

"Please are you kidding me ? It's needless to say you were so cool who do you think my favourite dancer is? And you were so much cooler from the last time I saw you performing." You tell him genuinely.

Chan finally smiles at you saying, "You really think so? Thank you y/n"

"Noted your favourite dancer is not me" says hoshi this time throwing you a thumbs up with a pretended sad expression.

Your eyes comically widen and you're fumbling for words.. "Oh my god why are you guys doing this to me? Mingyu do something" You whine to your boyfriend.

All of them are having so much fun in your misery laughing at you.

"Ok heyy shhh nobody will say anything to my baby anymore leave her alone" Says mingyu.

"Ok Ok sorry I was kidding." Says hoshi throwing his hands in air looking at you.

Then you go to the hotel with mingyu. First of all you guys eat dinner because both of you were so hungry. Then You remove his makeup for him, then he takes a shower and you after him.

When you come out he's looking at his phone smiling brightly at the screen.

Then he notices you and let's out a little happy laugh "just when did you send me so many texts Babe?"

"Oh you saw it, those are my comments like review after almost each of your performance." You say sitting beside him on the bed grinning at him.

"You're so adorable thank you baby" He says putting his phone down squishing your cheeks together with both of his hands..pulling you closer to Kiss your lips.

"I'm hot when I'm rapping huh?" He speaks lips still hovering over yours, with a smirk.

"Well ..you're ..hotter than usual when rapping." You say looking in his eyes then glancing at his lips. He pulls you even closer leaving no space between you two. His hand pulling you by your leg almost on his lap.

"Really? What about when I'm dancing though ..you know I was looking at you,tell me about it..did you notice it?" He asks stroking your jaw with one hand,and the other resting on your knee. Licking his lips and biting his lower lip between his teeth..you follow the moment with your eyes. You know exactly what he's talking about.

"You mean when you were seducing me?" You ask raising your eyebrow at him.

He laughs saying "hm did it work princess?" Eyes shifting from your eyes to lips every now and then.

"What if i tell you it did?" You say a little breathless the words coming out in a whisper. "wanted to tell the whole world that you're mine..my lover boy" your eyes going from his eyes to lips too, you want to kiss him so bad.

"Yeah? And how'd you do that baby? " He asks smirk growing on his face, feeling proud that he made you feel like that.

"You really want to know? You sure about that? " You ask challenging him raising your brow at him.

"I'd love to know, tell me" he's a little breathless himself too anticipating your answer but you'd rather show him, you don't know where the hell you're getting the confidence in that moment but you go on with it ..surging forward capturing his lips in yours boldly, hurriedly, harshly ..hand holding on his neck, other on his chest when you move to sit on his lap..he groans in the kiss, cursing under his breath saying a "Fuck baby-" his hand going from your thighs to hips, his hold tightening on your hips ,he's returning your kiss more passionately than ever before,tongues exploring each other's mouth,sucking on each others tongues, he's pulling your lower lip harshly between his teeth then sucking at it making you whine and moan the sound he's never heard before,you control yourself too much for his liking he have wanted to hear that sound from so long and finally he did,he wants to keep listening to it but you pull back, catching your breath but then smirking at him when you lean down to kiss his jaw, tongue darting out a little to lick and press a open mouthed kiss at his neck, you notice him going stiff for a moment before he's calling out to you.."Holy f-fuck Babe what are you doing?" He asks Panicked because he didn't expect you to do that, he has placed random pecks on your neck but was too aware to not rush you and make you uncomfortable so he never tried anything but here you are being so bold making him loose his damn mind.

"Is it not ok? I can stop-" You say nervously looking at him because despite your boldness you're nervous from inside you didn't know what his reaction will be.

"NOO- don't- you dont have to stop, you can do whatever you want..remember ? I'm yours baby" He says to assure you stroking neck.."I just I meant- you are ok right you're not forcing yourself?" He asks concerned.

"No I'm not forcing myself ..I-I just wanted to" You say looking at him with blush on your cheeks then avoiding his eyes immediately.

He smiles knowingly .."Babe" He says tilting your face to make you look at him..."what were you gonna do ..can you continue? Please?" You groan and cover your palm over your eyes. "I- I was gonna put a mark on you..I mean I-I was going to try ..obviously i haven't done it before." You say embarrassed.

"You mean you want to give me hickey ?..oh possessive are we?" He says taking your hand off your eyes, his own eyes are amused the smirk still on his face though, you glare at him smacking his chest but still murmuring " yes to the first sentence..no comments on the second one"

He laughs saying " Whatever you say angel" pulling you with his hand on your nape he gives you a hot kiss again before encouraging you to continue what you were doing.."go ahead angel you know that I'm not gonna judge you right? You can do it go ahead" You give him a nod you don't want to disappoint him but you know he won't care much if you even fail at it he's far too sweet to judge you or anything..."You don't even need to do anything to make me go crazy over you angel ..and since the moment you kissed me earlier ..I thought I was going to die any moment from the way you were making me feel.." he keeps encouraging you when you kiss his neck, you know he's saying it genuinely and it gives you more confidence...you keep going ..putting soft butterfly kisses all over his neck, alternating with open mouthed kisses over his throat and he can't help but moan at that..you are seriously driving him insane,the sound he makes causing a shiver run down to your spine ..you finally Suck at his skin when you reach his collarbones which are slightly visible from the t-shirt he's wearing ..you move it out of your way with your hand clutching the material ..you suck a little harshly alternating between nibbling and biting his skin..he let's out a hiss, his hold tight In your hair where he's holding you by your neck.

You pull back when you think you've done it, looking at his skin when you notice the reddish mark on his collarbones you cant help but feel proud it's not that great but better than you imagined..the smile blooming on your face then you look up at him ..he looks down tracing the mark with his finger tips then grinning looking at you .."see you did great baby.. talk about being a natural" He says teasing you making you blush again.

"Now my turn" He says before you can notice or say anything he's flipping you on your back on the bed and hovering over you...he smirks looking at your widened eyes , his knees are on either sides of your body he leans down closer to your face kissing every inch of it ..for him your comfort comes first and he won't overwhelm you in any way so he gives you a chance to refuse or push him away incase you don't want it ...but you don't do either of that..you trust him with your life you know he won't do anything that you won't want he respects you so much to do that..he will check your comfort first you know that ..so you smile at him and loop your arms on his neck. He kisses your lips again squeezing your waist making you moan again oh he'll keep listening to that sound for all of his life and won't get tired ever ..he peppers the kisses down your jaw and neck...swirling his tongue more skillfully than you and you never thought it'll feel this amazing ..you cant stop the sounds escaping from your lips and gasping every now and then..there are goosebumps all over your skin, his mouth and tongue is really something ..the open mouthed kisses he gives all over neck has you clinging to him pulling him closer to you with the low moans you let out. He's lightly sucking at your skin first and when you shudder and let out a moan of his name for the first time ..he thinks he found his heaven along with finding your sweet spot. "F-fuvkkkk baby found it...say that again" He says sucking harder making you moan his name again.

You pull him towards your face when he doesn't stop even after giving you two hickeys ..you smash your lips on his ...he hums in the kiss ..."You're crazy" You say against his lips making him smile,pulling back to look into your eyes,"You liked it baby?" He asks removing the hair strands out of your eyes.

"Like? Really? I think I'm in love with your tongue and mouth ...how did I even live without that?" You say to him.

"Shit BABYY- you cant just say things like that" He scolds you, his eyes scandalized. "Think about me- do you know what it does to me?" He says nervously..and the mischievous look in your eyes and the smile you give him with your lower lip trapped between your teeth, tells him you know exactly what you're doing to him.

"You are a menace" He says before claiming your swollen lips all over again. Making you giggle between the kiss.

.

.

A/N: HOLAAA! HIII !HELLO! ..I'm so sorry if I kept you waiting,but here it is the last part of my beloved first series HUG. This is so so so dear to me❤️

I hope you like this part ..AND ...I HAVE A BONUS CHAPTER WRITTEN ALREADY WHICH IS EMOTIONAL KIND OF, BUT IF ANYONE WANTS I'LL WRITE A BONUS CHAPTER TO CONTINUE WHATEVER THEY LEFT HERE🌚 so let me know if you want that.

[respectthepetty]

Pride Petty Watch (The Untamed) 2/?

The crowd picked two blacklisted shows for me to watch during Pride, so even though the first series took me only three days to get through, the second one is taking some time since I went out this past week and touched some grass for Pride. However, I did watch an episode a day AND spotted something on sale while out and about.

Fun Fact: These are 200 pages EACH, and they only cover what has been shown up until episode five. I teach English, not math, but doing some simple addition, dividing over A, carrying the Y, and solving for X, I have guessed that this series is going to be 20 books long! TWENTY! AT LEAST! Basically, it's going to be as long as this long-ass series.

*presses play on episode six*

These idiots are drunk, loud, and fighting. They are breaking rule #36, #265, and #1. Even I know that!

When you realize you're in love with a virgin who is a light-weight and can't even drive after talking about intimacy while touching his headband. I take back everything I said about this show. It's gay. Like real gay. Gay gay.

Fuddy Duddy is better than me because I would not have taken that beating, but that's probably why he is an elite Cloud Cunt or whatever, and also why he has now been blessed with Wei Wuxian trying to cuddle in this freezing water while talking about his "extremities" shivering. Note: In the comics, we see that Fuddy Duddy is BRANDED (like as in marked by burning the flesh) and has A SHIT TON OF SLASHES ON HIS BACK (like as in whipped . . . BY A FUCKING WHIP). Basically, this Cloud Cult is batshit crazy.

These two are fighting literal demons. But also the demons are homosexuality.

THEY TIED THEMSELVES TOGETHER WITH THE INTIMACY BAND! If it was red, it'd be game over for China!

Y'all cute but your kid is still an asshole, and there is a queer plot brewing. GET OUT OF MY FACE!

They were lesbian lovers, and I will not be entertaining any other reason for all of this because only a lesbian would tie her soul for eternity to a musical instrument just so she doesn't have to admit she was wrong to her wife, while her wife goes on to train the most elite squad of wizards just to one day help her wife because she already predicated her wife would fuck up. This is love.

Correction since my boy asked AGAIN if he could harness evil power for good - One of them is fighting demons, the literal and homosexual kind, and one is embracing them both, openly, with no fucks given.

And she knows! Not about the homosexual part, but about the "finding the stone hidden in the rock" part (but probably the homo part too)

Wei Wuxian lied for you when you got out of the rock. He touched your headband. And now he has touched your soul. Stop fighting it. Embrace this. It's Pride Month.

Wei Wuxian drinks, parties, talks shits, and backs it up. I'm getting flashbacks to Spring Break in South Padre. It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. But the hands were always ready to hit their mark.

My boy is Catholic. Fuddy Duddy took 300 hits earlier to uphold the integrity of his Cloud Cult or whatever, but my boy was told his punishment and is merely going through the motions since he doesn't regret laying hands on his future in-law. He said "tell me how many Hail Marias I need to say, so I can go play with the ants and get a tan." Same.

First, your best friend brought the bird into the class and now you took the bunnies to remind Fuddy Duddy of "those four amazing hours you spent in the hot tub together after Winter Formal." Y'all are schemers, and this will cause problems later. I've taught too many freshmen. Y'all need to be separated before you plot the end of the world and animals have to be sacrificed. I see the signs.

Who is going to kill this man? WHO?! Let it be a woman because he needs to be reminded he is insignificant and useless.

Oh my God, they found each other! I knew my boy would go after his boy, but for his Bird Bestie to spot them too?! These two idiots are going to cause havoc and hijinks.

Y'all are so Romeo and Juliet coded, it hurts my feelings. Girl, you're going to die and he is going to be sad about it. But can you kill that red asshole first? Please.

Sir, now you and I both know some shit is about to go down because that florist's house was crispy fried burnt, that woman outside was creepy as hell, and these two are over there chatting about soul snatchers. GET OUT OF THERE, FD, AND TAKE THE ANIMAL BROS WITH YOU!

FD might have the brains and the silencing charm, but my boy got the moves. He has that Spider Man magic string thing, he has the Shrek gingerbread men, and he keeps making spells out of thin air. Maury, who is his daddy? God?! THE DEVIL?!

SHE CAN PLAY A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT TOO! Hold up. HOLD UP! Fuddy Duddy's brother played it to calm everyone down. FD played his to subdue the zombies. And now she did too, but my boy's flute playing skills not only calmed the zombie, but controlled him. Did he learn it from her?!

Girl, what are you doing at the devil's sacrament?

Wen Qing has been holding off this fucking bird and these zombies all night, and these boys have been doing what at their slumber party? Braiding each other's hair? She better be the one to kill that red asshole. She deserves the body count. *wink, Jiang Cheng*

The bird needed to go, but this is what I'm talking about with him and his bird bestie. Homie closed his eyes and felt his feelings because FD told him to, then pretended to be dead just so he could kill that bird. It's smart as well as scary because how much power does he really possess? A shit ton. That's how much. But also, why didn't they take the dead bird with them? Don't leave behind magical creatures to be brought back to life!

Smart to have the others chase after a chicken, so the color-coded boys in love could get more details, but these two are a hetero version of the mains. She is not bad. She is trying to do good with what she has, which is a pile of shit, and he wants to do right by her but his principles are going to get in the way. I anticipate no happy endings for anyone. Not Romeo and Juliet or Romeo and Julio.

Bird Bestie was smart to stay behind because it was obvious there would be dead bodies, but WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE TWO?! This show is color-coded within an inch of its life, and everyone is a pair because they both have the other's color in their robes, so the fact that the white one showed up first and claimed evil guy was his enemy makes me think they have history (exes), but the new black guy replaced him. Black dude, I'd watch my back because Evil Dude is coming for you.

It also worries me that these two have a similar . . . something. Wei Wuxian, buddy, homie, ho-migo. You're getting darker. You were dark blue, but now, you're black. Why is no one else concerned that the call is about to come from within the house?

So much shit is going down on this mountain! White No Name dude just said he knows and was trained by the OG lesbian, so we know she is still alive and well waiting for her wife, and my boy is sad since his mama was trained by her therefore he was trained by her, which makes her his grandma or something (I DON'T KNOW!). And now the illegitimate brother I want to be with FD's brother is in charge of watching the evil dude, but he is wearing white/blue and evil dude is wearing black/gold, and if they become an item, I'm gonna be pissed!

Y'all, he is gonna fuck up. He is going to let the bad guy go isn't he? I don't understand why they couldn't kill the bad guy, but my illegitimate son has been disrespected in this house too many times in the past ten minutes to let this shit slide. He is going to make a deal with the devil. I feel it.

"I'll sleep on your roof" - That was a declaration of love because y'all fought on a roof over liquor, and now he wants to just chill on your roof while drinking even though you are leaving. He is sprung and does not care who knows.

WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?! THIS IS A FUCKING SHIT SHOW! The oldest kids are being called away which means Fuddy Duddy's cult is probably losing it and branding everyone. They are being attacked by the Evil Reds even though their evil dude admitted to killing that whole damn family! My illegitimate son DEFINITELY killed that guy and let the evil dude go. He did that. I know he did. And my boy's outfit looks so similar to that evil red swordsmen who is fighting on behalf of that weak ass red bitch because he can't fight himself, it's ridiculous (Someone needs to slash that evil red dude's face and his tires).

Everyone is going to die, and there is no hope.

*eats some naan*

Okay, maybe there is some hope in the other FORTY EPISODES! FD's brother could take in the illegitimate son, and they could live happily ever after. Right? RIGHT?!

[vrmxlho]

socials as karasu’s gf

-`♡´- liked by 666666, megsbachira and 1.3k others

karasu: luv waking up to you <3

tagged: yn

eggod: jst thinking abt how they set up the camera, checked if they were in frame, and posed to get this “candid”

↳ yn: you are just sad and lonely

↳ eggod: ok but can you be fr for a second??? like we all know that's what you did 😭

↳ yn: there is absolutely no reason for it tho ???? let people enjoy things 😞

↳ eggod: not on my watch no !

hioryy: how many more of these posts must we endure

↳ karasu: killing yourself would make the process a lot faster

(this comment has been removed due to it going against community guidelines)

↳ hioryy: HIS BITCHASS GOT RESTRICTED!!! UGLY ASS MANWHORE!!!!

(this comment has been removed due to it going against community guidelines)

↳ karasu: KYS

(this comment has been removed due to it going against community guidelines)

↳ karasu: whoever keeps reporting me, i'm gonna punt you

(this comment has been removed due to it going against community guidelines)

↳ hioryy: damn i reached my daily repoting limit...

↳ karasu: FUCK YOU???

-`♡ ´- liked by chigiri, isagi_11 and 1.6k others

yn: do you think it is normal to be sending me stuff like this first thing in the morning?? it’s absolutely not!!

tagged: karasu

karasu: sorry so when am i supposed to send it exactly? 🤨

↳ yn: you know exactly what you're doing...

↳ karasu: yeah i do 😏

666666: bro should've done a few pushups first he looks mad ailing

↳ eggod: WHAT ???!!! 😭😭

↳ 666666: motherfucker open a thesaurus !

↳ eggod: stop saying random dinosaur names you don't sound as smart as you think you do 🤒

↳ 666666: god...

↳ yn: otoya pls stop skipping ur primary school classes :(

↳ eggod: dot dot dot

-`♡´- liked by itoshi_rin, mikage and 987 others

yn: Uberを1台お願いします。

tagged: karasu, uberjapan

uberjapan: we love love 😍

↳ isagi_11: this is such a random partnership lmfao ????

↳ isagi_11: ngl respect get that bag !

↳ yn: nobody says this anymore...

eggod: that poor underpaid taxi driver...

↳ uberjapan: we assure you that our uber drivers are paid more than enough to afford basic necessities and in addition are provided with multiple discounts and benefits, we as a company value employe wellbeing and safety as a no.1 priority.

↳ eggod: erm...

666666: imagine basically living in your car and then having to deal with obnoxious couples like you i would kms

↳ yn: nagi pls you tell people you have a fake virus while coughing on them 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

↳ 666666: yeah but when i do it it's funny as hell

-`♡´- liked by megsbachira, eggod and 2.4k others

karasu: <3

tagged: yn

eggod: another one!

↳ karasu: what

↳ eggod: another one of your fake "candids" i win 50£ under 3, nagi if its over

↳ karasu: get a life pls

↳ 666666: this is exclusively how i've been making money this past month

↳ karasu: how are you not broke?

↳ mikage: you really think he's using his own money...????

yn: ilysm <3

↳ karasu: ilyt

itoshirin: deadass looks like her hair's on fire

↳ yn: IT REALLY DOESNT WHY WOULD YOU SAU THAT 😭😭😭

↳ 666666: it really does tho

-`♡ ´- liked by 666666, isagi_11 and 1k others

karasu: she's so pretty like a princess

tagged: yn

eggod: karasu in his free-time...

↳ karasu: what else am i supposed to do?? 🙄

yn: WHEN DID YOU TAKE THIS PIC?

↳ karasu: on our facetime last week you looked like a literal angel 🩷

↳ yn: shut up ur so cute 😣

↳ karasu: i assure you, you're much cuter

↳ itoshirin: i don't understand why instagram is still showing me this shit i swear i blocked y'all

↳ yn: rin you really need to take your anger-management meds

↳ itoshirin: jump

↳ yn: ????????????

[fiddles-ifs]

Hi from Maine! Happy (late. so late.) Pride!! And happy (LATE.) update day! I bequeath to you these widdle guys, which I spent a lot of time on in between other projects. They're also to apologize for delayed Greenwarden story update, because:

I've been writing a book! And I finished the first draft literally yesterday! I'm going to shit my pants!! Now that the first draft is done, I have some editing to do, which is going to eat up my time, but now I have some wiggle room to work on Greenwarden again. Check out this (raw, unedited) snippet from The House Loves You as thanks for your patience:

Next period’s bell is a shrill reminder I still haven’t touched my food. I put whatever I was reading away and dump my tray unceremoniously on the way out. The cafeteria is already empty — I don’t think I’ve ever been in a less busy school. Barely a week in, and I already know everyone by name and the general area where they live. It's more information than I want. Eventually, it'll be a new school in a new town with new people, then another, then graduation, and I'll get into a mediocre college in a different town and never look back. I'll figure it out from there.

They seem like small dreams — but they're what I've got.

I float through the rest of my classes in the back of the room. The bus ride home is unremarkable; my one saving grace is my license, but Mom has the car and we can't afford another bill, so the bus it is. Again -- the open wound is smoothed over knowing I'm not alone. I languish in the relative silence with a pair of earbuds in.

I'm the last stop in the evening. The bus rolls along, slowly shedding children like scabs, until it creeps nervously to the mailbox and gravel road that marks the mouth of the holler. It sputters like an anxious horse, shudders to a stop, and hisses open. The doors close too fast behind me, and the bus peels away in a cloud of grit. Finally, I'm well and truly alone.

The trees are tall and wild here, untouched by human hands. Branches knit together in dense braids and then part again, each gap in the canopy scorched by yellow mountain sunlight. The gravel road bends left and disappears into the deep shadows. Rocks crunch near-silently underfoot. Like they're afraid to wake something sleeping in the dark recesses of the holler. Even the birds speak in whispers.

I grab a few overdue bills from the mailbox and shuffle up the road. Mom's not home, so I get some peace and quiet for a couple hours.

The winding gut of the holler rips open in an abrupt hole, and beyond the hole is a clearing. In the clearing, circled by trees with dark trunks and tight branches, are a few rusted, dead tires, an abandoned swing set, some overgrown grass, and a house. My back hurts and my legs are sore, but I still pause at the threshold.

The house is an ugly sore made of cracked, peeling white siding and a sagging porch. Just enough timber has been cleared away to make a front and back yard. The roof seems to bow under the weight of the sky, all dark windows and missing shingles. It's a quiet house. It doesn't talk much. Not usually.

I drag my feet across the hidden flagstones in the grass, and listen to the sound of the screen door squeal open. Once I step inside, the house greets me, as it usually does.

Welcome home, Cash.