#literally the messaging app drives me insane now

[glitchinginhyperfixis]

i think about summoning the courage to dm my moots and then i remember 1) im terrible at socializing and 2) i hate tumblr messaging bc i always have to go out of dms to actually be able to see the newest one and it glitches

[stylesharrys]

Private Show

You miss Harry’s concert but half of it isn’t your fault.

A/N: I literally wrote this about four years ago, but it’s all been edited and freshened up a little for you guys! I hope you’re staying safe and if there are any writings in particular you’d like to see, send me a message! anyway, enjoy this smutty piece:)

Warnings: mentions of anxiety and panic attacks, swearing, kissing, teasing, unprotected shower sex, dirty talk, fingering...

WC: 3.9k

//

The car broke down. You weren’t sure how it happened, or why, but the engine wouldn’t start and your dad suspected the battery died.

You’re in London with Harry for a few days, Harry performing and you visiting your family in a small town a few hours out of central London. You’d come by late afternoon yesterday and now you’re stuck.

You’re meant to be going back to London in time for Harry’s show, but with no car and none of your family having one to lend, you’re shit out of luck. You didn’t have the money or time to get the battery recharged or get a new one, and in all honesty, you didn’t know what you needed to do for it anyway.

So, with your little suitcase and your purse, you got yourself a train ticket straight to London. You missed the first train, the bus getting you to the station three minutes late. So you had no choice but to wait in the warmth of the sun for seven minutes until the next one came.

You only stayed on that one for three stops, staring at your phone screen when the rail app told you that you’d need to get off. And you did, sat down for twenty minutes while you waited for the next one that took you straight to Greenwich.

By then it was already 7 pm and you knew you’d most likely miss his entire show at this rate. And then the train showed up and you hopped on it, squeezing between the standing people and you shoved your earphones in, playing an old playlist Harry had made you.

And that’s when you get the text.

iMessage from H💞

Hey. You close, I’m on in an hour x

You sigh and rub your forehead, flicking back to the app on your phone and groaning when you realise you’ll be twenty minutes on that train and then need to get another Bank one for six minutes, then a thirty-minute walk, and then the underground.

iMessage to H💞

Just left for the Greenwich line. Car broke and I don't have time or money on me to get it sorted. Taking the train and it’s insane how many connections you have to make. I don’t know what time I’m gonna be there. Does security know I’m coming in backstage? Xx

You lock your phone with a sigh and turn up the volume of the music, closing your eyes for a moment and trying to calm your nerves and anxieties.

Soon enough, you’re getting off at Greenwich and onto the Bank train. Only when you go past Heron Quay do you realise that you’ve missed your stop and, essentially, gotten yourself lost.

Your panic only grows when Harry stops answering your calls and texts and then you realise it was 8:31 and he’s already on stage, performing, without you supporting him on the side stage.

You try to call Jeffrey, but of course, no answer. Matt, no answer. Mitch, no answer. Jasmine, his opener, no answer. It’ll be useless to call your parents, neither of them know the train lines and can’t come and pick you up anyway because they don’t drive.

You struggle to ask people where to go, most people pushing past you in their own hurry to get to their destinations, and you’re shocked to not see any rail workers anywhere on the platforms to offer assistance.

So, you do what you do best. You panic. You slump down on one of the cold, metal benches with your suitcase by your side and purse in your lap. Tears are quick to prickle at your eyes and the air grows colder, bitter.

If you had just got off at your stop, you would’ve been with the others by now, watching your man perform on stage and become one with the crowd. But, here you are, cold, alone, and lost.

Your little denim jacket is doing nothing to conserve heat and your legs bounce as you try to warm yourself up. Your achingly cold fingers struggle to type up a route you could take and before long, thirty minutes have passed and it’s 9 pm.

And then, the worst possible thing happens. Your phone dies.

You panic even harder now, your chest constricting and you struggle to catch a breath. It isn’t until you see an older man slowly walk the yellow safety lines of the station in a high-vis train rail jacket that you calm just a little.

You shoot up from your seat, hands clammy and shaking as you pull your suitcase with you. “Excuse me!” You call out to the older man, the station much quieter now.

He turns to you with raised brows and a friendly smile, and you’re more than relieved that you’ll be getting some help.

“I’m not from around here and I missed my stop and ended up here.” You explain as calmly as you can, taking deep breaths and swallowing back the lump in your throat.

“Okay. Where are you heading?” The older man asks, sliding his silver-rimmed glasses up the smooth slope of his nose.

“I’m trying to get to the O2 Arena.” Your heart’s stammering in your chest and you explain how your phone had died and you have no way of contacting anyone or getting routes.

The man, Barry, assures you it will be fine. He writes down the trains and stops you need to make and where to go from there, then offers you his battery pack to charge your phone for a few minutes.

You check it when you get on the next train, a message from Jasmine on your screen and the time’s now nearing 9:34 pm.

iMessage from Jasmine X

Hey!! Where are you?? Everything okay? Call me!!

You sigh and quickly begin typing, trying to explain what happened and that you’re on your way, but before you can ever send the text, your phone freezes and cuts off dead.

You take another deep breath, trying to keep calm, and shove your phone into your pocket. Your ears focus on the voice through the speaker, listening closely for your stop and staring at the piece of paper in your hand so you know when to get off.

By the time you reach the O2, it’s 10 pm and you're certain the show’s over. You sprint to the doors, unsure where you’re even meant to go. You don’t have a ticket and Harry has your backstage pass.

“Can I help you, miss?”

The security guards eye you cautiously, somewhat alarmed by your frantic state. To them, you look just like every other fangirl they’ve ever met.

“I’m meant to be meeting Harry’s team backstage. Do you know how I get there?”

You’re breathless, body somewhat numb from the sudden drop in temperature and pure anxiety you’ve suffered over the past two hours.

The man squints at you. “Do you have a pass?” Great.

You sigh. “No, his manager, Jeffrey, has my pass. I’m Harry’s girlfriend. Look, you can go and ask on your walkie talkie. I have ID, but I don’t have my pass.” You try to explain.

He shakes his head, tries to hide the amusement on his face. “Nice try, kid. Go home.” He turns his back, wandering away but you shake your head and follow after him.

“No, I’m being serious! Jeffrey has my backstage pass. My phone is dead so I can’t contact them! Please, just radio it through. I promise you! My name is Y/N Y/L/N, please. He’ll tell you!” You beg, tears pooling in your eyes in panic.

This can’t be happening, how has it even come to this? You’ve been through the works already, and now, you look like nothing more than a desperate fangirl.

“Listen, miss. If you don’t leave right now, we will escort you out ourselves or call the police. It’s your choice.” He all but growls his words, an effort to scare you off.

Your shoulders slump and tears spill from your eyes, anxiety consuming you. “This isn’t happening,” you whisper to yourself, breathing unevenly and your knees buckle slightly.

You can’t even go back to the hotel as you don’t know where you’re all staying, seeing as you stayed with your parents last night. You’re done for.

You’re about to turn away, search for someone with a charger maybe, when a ruckus of cheering and talking catches your ears and the doors to the arena open. Hundreds of people flood out of the doors, eager to get themselves home and you wonder how you’re going to get to Harry.

“Oh my God! It’s Y/N!” Is all it takes for everyone to spot you and scream, hurtling toward you and calling your name.

You grab the security guard's arm and frantically beg for his attention. “Now do you believe me!? Please!” You cry out, but he continues to look at you sceptically as the other security members calm down the fans.

You try to talk to the fans, to have them prove that you were Harry’s girlfriend. And even though they agree and show security pictures and proof, they refuse to let you back because you don’t have a pass.

“Here, use my phone to call someone!” An older woman from behind security offers you her phone, her daughter (you presume) staring up at you with big doe eyes.

You smile and take the mobile, punching in Harry’s number that you’ve had memorised for moments like this. You ignore the security guard that continues to ask you to leave and when the ringing stops and a ruckus on the other end is heard, you let out a sigh of relief.

“Hello?” Harry answers, sceptical from the other end.

“Harry! Oh thank God, it’s Y/N.” You sigh out in relief, the fans screaming when they hear you on the phone with him.

“Babe, what the fuck is going on? I’ve been trying to call you! Where are you?” His words are laced together in panic and you can hear him shushing his team.

You sigh. “I’ll explain later but I’m with your fans outside the doors and security won’t let me through to you because Jeffrey still has my pass.” You explain, pinching the bridge of your nose.

Harry tells you to sit tight and that he’ll fix it, tells you he loves you and ends the call. You sigh in relief and quickly delete the number from the call log, handing the phone back to the woman and thanking her profusely.

You feel awful, really. It’s bad enough that you missed Harry’s show, but now you’re holding up all of his fans from going home because security is keeping them away from you and not letting you through the doors.

You speak to a few of his fans while you wait, asking how they found the show and answering some of their questions about Harry when another scream is heard and Jeffrey wanders out toward you with a security guard.

“Y/N!” He calls out, speaking with the other security for a second before showing them your pass and explaining you are who you said you are.

You say goodbye to the fans, dragging your suitcase over to Jeffrey and he pulls you in for a hug, shrugging off his jacket and handing it to you. You thank him and wave goodbye, following him through a hallway and you disappear.

“What the hell happened?” Jeffrey asks in concern, brows furrowed and you sigh while explaining about your car, the trains, and your phone. Jeffrey listens closely and throws his arm over your shoulder as you walk, pulling your suitcase along.

Security leads you through another corridor and another, opening doors and scanning his ID on certain parts to gain access. A few minutes of walking and a burst of soft laughter can be heard, your heart skipping a beat.

Jeffrey's hand rests against your back as he leads you through a room and another curtain, and there Harry stands; pacing back and forth and biting at his nails. The sound of the door opening catches his attention and he spins around to you.

“Honey...” he whispers, pacing toward you and scooping you into his arms. You sigh and wrap your arms around his neck, crying softly into his shoulder. Harry cradles the back of your head, gently cooing you and whispering reassuring words into your ear.

“You’re okay, baby.” He whispers, kissing your temple and you pull away sniffling, wiping your eyes and taking a deep breath. Harry cups your clammy cheeks in his hands and leans down a little. You lift onto your tiptoes and kiss his lips softly, not even a little bothered by the taste of sweat on his lips.

You sigh into the kiss, eyes fluttering closed and a cheeky wolf whistle from behind him catches your attention. You pull away and peer over his shoulder, blushing at the sight of his entire team grinning at you both and Lloyd facing his camera at you.

//

You’re curled into Harry’s side as you wander down the hall to find his room. His arm is around your shoulder, yours behind his waist as he pulls your little suitcase along.

His skin is still sticky with sweat and his clothes stained with a salty scent, but somehow, he still smells like vanilla and his stupid cologne. “I can’t believe you had to do all that,” he murmurs out after having listened to your travels of the day.

You hum back and yawn, pulling away from his side when he reaches into his pocket for his key-card. You both stand outside the room before he unlocks the door and he drags you in behind him.

You flop straight onto the bed, the sheets still a mess and Harry’s suitcase sprawled out over it. He sighs and kicks off his boots, wiggling his toes and standing between your legs.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” he says softly, head tilted as he watches you sit back up and take his hand in yours. “You wanna join?” he wiggles his brows playfully and you let out a tired laugh, nodding your head nonetheless.

“You go ahead, I’m gonna put my phone on charge and clear the bed.” You tell him, earning a little nod and a forehead kiss before he’s taking off to the bathroom, turning on the water.

You stand from the bed with a sigh and plug Harry’s charger into your phone while kicking your own shoes off. Your feet were no doubt blistered and you knew it’d be a pain to walk for the next few days.

Looking back at the bed, you sigh. Harry had always been messy when it came to getting ready for events. But you weren’t sure why, considering he had a stylist so Harry never had to find something to wear for his shows.

Nevertheless, you shake your head and begin to refold his clothing, setting it neatly in his suitcase. You brush the creases out of the sheets and fluff up the pillows before making your way to your bag to pull out your toiletries and one of Harry’s shirts you’ll sleep in.

You take them with you to the bathroom, soft melodies slipping past Harry’s lips as he washes the night away. You smile to yourself, the mirror and windows fogged by the heat of the shower that you’re eager to climb into.

You strip from your outfit and open the shower door, Harry turning to look at you with a little mohawk he’d styled with the shampoo. You snort out a laugh and shake your head, standing in front of him so the water falls down on you.

“Well, hello there,” Harry grins cheekily, eyeing your breasts as your nipples pearl. You blush and lean your head back, soothing the water through your hair but Harry can’t keep his eyes off your chest, not when it’s right there.

“Stop staring.” Your eyes are closed as you massage the shampoo into your scalp, but you already know he’s drooling at the sight of you. He always did have a thing for your chest, even if you argued they’re not your best asset.

Harry whines and nibbles on his plump bottom lip. “But, baby, they’re like begging me to love on them.” He argues, paw-like hands holding your waist as his thumbs gently caress the bottom of your breasts.

You snort out another laugh at his reasoning and wash the shampoo away, slathering on some conditioner and turning you both around so he’s now under the water. You guide him to sit on the little seat beneath the shower and adjust the head so the water can reach him.

Harry’s face is now completely level with your chest as you wash the shampoo from his hair. He whines at you with a little pout and you gently massage his scalp with your fingertips.

“I know this usually makes me really sleepy, but with your tits in my face, it's really fucking turning me on.” He rasps out, voice low and suggestive and you have to fight back a little whine of your own.

“You’re such a boy.” You breathe, slathering his luscious locks in your conditioner and leaning down just enough to kiss his swollen lips.

It was only intended to be a peck, but Harry wraps his arms around your middle and pulls you between his legs, lifting your thighs so you straddle his lap.

Your fingers slide through his curls, breathing heavily and you moan softly against his lips. His hands smooth over the curves of your ass, kneading the flesh with little force and you pull away to catch your breath.

“I’m proud of you.” You whisper against his lips, your core bumping the head of his cock and he strains out a laugh.

“You’re proud of me? Babe, you got lost on your own, almost got kicked out of the arena, and you didn’t have a panic attack once. Shit, I’m the proud one here.” Harry argues with a little smile.

You purse your lips to hide your smile and kiss his lips softly again. He kisses you back for a moment before pulling away and squeezing your ass.

“But seriously, I’ve had a raging boner ever since you sent me that naughty pic last night, and I am dying to get lost in that puss-” You cut him off with a heated kiss, sucking his tongue into your mouth as your own massaged it.

Harry groans and lifts you both, your legs around his waist as his heavy cock bumps your ass. Your back presses against the shower wall, Harry’s lips chasing the water that drips down your neck.

You tug on his hair, eager to feel him inside you and you know he’ll be giving you what you both want in a matter of seconds. He holds you up with one arm and uses his free hand to grip his cock, pumping himself before he swirls his tip around your entrance.

“God, you feel so fucking good,” Harry whines out, teasing himself against you and you huff, tugging on his hair and sucking his bottom lip into your mouth.

“I feel better once you’re in me,” you remind him, a taunting smirk on your lips, but it’s quick to fade when Harry thrusts his hips into yours, his thick cock stretching you out and you shriek in pleasure.

“Shit, H.” You moan, head thrown back as he slides in and out of you at a delicious pace. The running water is long forgotten, the sound of skin slapping and your arousal squelching being the only sounds you can focus on.

Harry pants in your ear, small grunts sounding through the bathroom as you whine and moan for him. He grabs your ass and spreads your cheeks, knuckles white as he grips you harder.

“So good, baby.” He moans into your ear, nibbling on your earlobe and your eyes roll back.

You can feel him deep in your stomach, feel him throb between your walls and you’re certain you’re about to explode any second. You grip his shoulders, circling your hips on his dick the best you can.

Harry rests his forehead against yours, his eyes focusing on the way his glistening cock slips in and out of your swollen pussy with such ease. “Such a good girl for me.” Harry praises, your pussy clenching around his cock and he chokes out a moan.

“Only for you. O-only good for y-you,” he grins against your lips and picks up his pace, hitting your G-spot with every soul-shattering thrust.

Harry feels you begin to spasm, can feel your body losing its strength and he cups your face with his hands, forcing you to look at him -- your noses bumping while he does so.

“Look at me, baby. Wanna watch you as you cum all over my cock.” He gently coaxes, pinching your nipple with his other hand and your eyes almost bulge out of their sockets.

“I’m gonna cum,” you cry out, eyes wide and jaw slack. Harry watches you with hooded eyes, jade clouded with lust and with one final thrust, he pushes you over the edge, watching the way your eyes roll to the back of your head and body falls limp.

The choked cry of his name is all it takes for him to paint your walls with his pleasure, a rugged groan slipping past his lips as he cries out your name, collapsing slightly into you and trapping you completely against the wall.

“Holy shit,” you breathe out, head falling back against the tiles on the wall and Harry gently eases out of you, slowly kissing every inch of your face before his lips meet yours in a tender encounter.

“I love you so much,” he breathes against your lips, easing your legs back to the ground and keeping his arms around your waist.

“I love you, too. And hey, I might’ve missed your main show but fuck me, this private show was just as good.” You joke, an angelic laugh sounding through Harry’s throat as he kisses you again.

His arms ease to rest on your ass, soothing over the tender skin he had been gripping. “Let me clean you up,” he mumbles, giving your bum a little tap before he pulls you back under the water.

Harry washes both of you, peppering your skin with gentle kisses before you’re both completely clean and drying off, brushing your teeth side by side. Harry throws on a pair of sweats while you steal a pair of his boxers and his shirt.

Sliding into bed, he curles up behind you, spooning your back and kissing your shoulder. “I’m sorry about missing your show and being so stupid that I got on the wrong trains and stuff.” You huff out.

Harry shakes his head and kisses your shoulder again. “Don’t be. None of it is your fault. Jeffrey should’ve given you that backstage pass yesterday. I’m sorry you had to go through all that on your own, but I’m so fucking proud of you, honey.”

You smile to yourself and hold his hand close to your chest, wiggling back so you’re snug against his chest. “I’m so happy I fell in love with you,” you whisper into the darkness, eyes fluttering closed.

Harry smiles into your hair, pulling you impossibly closer to his chest as he kisses the crook of your neck. “I’m happy I fell in love with you, too.”

//

if you enjoyed it, please give it a reblog! your feedback and comments are appreciated more than you’ll ever know — i’d love to hear what you thought <;3

[celesteiscute]

This stupid situation is all I can think about and it's driving me crazy that my roommate just straight up lied to me when I expressed hesitation about moving in with them. They told me that they're really easy to live with and that their cat is very well behaved and that they keep it really clean. This is gonna get super venty so I'm putting it under a read more.

When I moved in with them, I asked how they wanted to deal with conflict if something ever came up and they said that they preferred if I were direct with them. Then, when their cat being in my bed constantly became an issue, I asked if they could do something about it and they literally shut down and stopped speaking to me except over text messages. They texted me later saying this was because I "bombarded" them and they actually only wanted me to bring things up in the morning so they can think about it throughout the day. 2+ months later, after exactly 0 attempts on my roommate's part to compromise about the cat situation and me asking exactly 1 time after the first time I brought it up for them to please keep the cat out of my bed my bed when I'm not home because the cat was getting better about it when I was home but I was still finding litter in my bed which grosses me out, I got a message about how we needed to have an in-person discussion about our living arrangement. That "discussion" was them reading from their notes app a speech they wrote about how they wanted me to move out. The monologue included a list of my unforgivable sins which were

1 Raising my voice at the cat (this was only in instances where the cat was on my bed because they asked me to be the one responsible for training their cat and I obviously wasn't going to start beating it with a shoe or something)

2 Closing my bedroom door on my way out that morning (I do this every morning. The cat just happened to be on the other side of the door that day)

3 Leaving trash on top of the trash can (it was one frozen meal box that was there for less than half an hour because it was full but I was eating)

4 Leaving my laundry in the dryer on their designated day (they had changed which day was their day and I forgot because I was more worried about the cat vomit they had left on the carpet all day even though when I complained about having to clean up cat vomit they offered to clean it next time so that morning I asked them to clean it and came home 12 hours later to find that they hadn't and it dried up)

The whole time I was really trying to think like "wow what have I done without realizing like am I being super horrible?" and I was trying to introspect and really couldn't come up with any reason why my roommate was being so cold and refusing to speak to me about anything. When it was laid out in front of me, I realized that they were just insane and impossible to live with. Legitimately (with the exception of my tone with the cat) they were talking about single instances of me "disrespecting the house" that could've been addressed.

Either way, whether I'm being asked to leave because my roommate realized they simply can't handle conflict like an adult or if there's more to it that my roommate just won't communicate for whatever reason, I have to find new housing. Looking for housing is already stressful when you know it's coming. Like, I was stressed five months ago when I knew my lease was ending soon and I needed to find a new place to live so I'm sure you can imagine how and why this getting thrown on me on a random Tuesday night turned into an all-consuming type of stress.

I keep trying to remind myself that I'm not in a situation where I'm being evicted. I'm still on this lease whether they like it or not so realistically there is no enforceable deadline but its obviously uncomfortable as fuck. The worst part is that I'm traveling internationally in three weeks and there's no way that I can find a place and move before my trip. So like I was kinda worried about my trip but now I can't even be excited for my trip because I'm stressed.

[cavaree]

pings | l.minho

pairings: minho x gn!reader

genre: fluff (?)

warnings: overuse of the words 'and', 'so', 'but', and swearing >:D

word count: 906

a/n: my brain's a little fried rn, i'm sorry if this doesn't make any sense, but i just had to post something. this has not been proofread, i started writing it at literally 2:30 in the morning; hopefully it's somewhat legible and/or enjoyable

i’m doing this is bullet form cause i do not have any energy whatsoever

okay

so imagine you’re at home

in your room, studying cause you’ve got this huge test coming up

it’s for a subject that you’re not particularly good at,

which means literally every second counts

so you’re there

on the brink of crying because

what the fuck is tetrodotoxin

and why the fuck is it in a pufferfishes’ ovary??!?!??@>!?@>?!>@?

so you’re trying to put all your energy into the work in front of you

when you hear a ting (?)

and it’s the sound of your phone

you really, really, really, don’t want to check what it is

cause if you knew yourself,

you knew that the second you reached for that phone,

all bets would be off and you’d probably be scrolling on tiktok for the next three hours

you decide to just read the notification

to your surprise (not really) it’s minho!

it’s a simple text

“babe”

you stare blankly at the screen for a few seconds

and another notification pops up

“baby”

you quickly shove the phone away from yourself

cause if anyone was going to distract you

it was going to be lee minho and his ridiculous use of petnames

right okay

so a good five minutes goes by

you’re back in the mood,

ready to blow your braincells out with more unnecessary information

when the the second ping goes off

bUT YOU HOLD OUT

you don’t dive straight for the phone

and instead clench onto the blue highlighter in your hand in hopes of understanding the jumbled mess on the page

this time it takes him even less time to text

literally two minutes later, you hear your phone ping again

and that’s immediately followed up with another

this time you can’t resist temptation

you grab your phone and look at what he’s sent you

“angel”

“sweetheart”

you know minho’s doing this cause he wants your attention

or

somehow he’s telekinetic

and has realised just how close you are to combusting and he’s come to be your saviour

you doubt its that and get ready to put your phone back

when it happens again

“love”

oOF

he knew just how much you liked that one

you were very tempted to text him back

just a little “i’m busy come back in six hours” sorta text y’know

bUT

YOU PERCEIVER !!!!

YOU DON'T NEED DISTRACTIONS

NOT NOW

NOT WHEN YOU KNOW YOU’LL PROBABLY BE CRYING IF YOU DON’T PASS THE STUPID FUCKING TEST

so you inhale a big deep breath

(?)

and you get back to work

now

during this time of you being more productive than you think you’ve ever been in your life

your phone

does. not. stop. PINGING!

it’s driving you insane

ping

ping

ping

ping

THERE ARE TOO MANY FUCKING PINGS

but it’s okay

you can do it

you turn your ringer off

maybe that’ll help

....

WRONG

you can hear the vibrations of your phone through the desk you’re at

it’s like there’s a mini earthquake happening

and you’re really trying your best y’know :(

but the bitch is literally blowing up your phone

and you can’t take it anymore

so you pick the damned phone

there’s a good eighty (80) messages of him just spamming petnames

and you're just going through them like

!?!!>@!>>!!!@>??

he's not even saying what he wants

so you decide to actually go into the messages app

so at least he can see that you're actually reading everything

and boy does he notice

cause he stops spamming

and again

you're like ?

you're just about to ask him what the fuck is up

when he sends another message

"if you don't answer me, the pet names are going to start getting meaner"

and you have no idea what this cryptic ass text means

maybe it's just not clicking in your head

but what the fuck does that mean?!?!?!

you being you

decide to test the waters

a little experiment if you will

you don't respond to any of his texts

your curiosity is biting your ass right now

and then you're almost surprised by the complete and utter radio silence on his end

you don't know what's happening

and you're kinda disappointed minho hasn't done anything

you're just about to put the phone back for the last time

and carry on with the absolutely thrilling work in front of you

when you hear

one

last

ping

okay that was a lie

but that's besides the point

immediately you're opening up your messages again

"pickle"

"rotten blueberry"

"room temperature cactus flavoured ice-cream"

"bowl of cereal that's been sitting out for like an hour"

and you fucking CACKLE

cause you realise just how in love you are with this man

you just-

you're like-

'wow. this is the man i am in love with'

AND YOU'RE FUCKING PROUD TOO

so you finally send him a response

"you're a fucking menace"

"you're lucky i love you and your absurd antics so much"

and he's like

"BOWL OF CEREAL!!! YOU RESPONDED :D"

"how could i not, you've basically given my phone heat stroke"

"i was studying >:( "

"yeah! i know :p"

"did you need to say something?"

"nope. just wanted to say hi"

and you feel your heart melt,

and at the same time you feel your fists roll up, ready to pummel minho next time you see him

...kidding of course

[smol-and-grumpy]

To counteract the discouraging messaging you’ve been seeing lately here’s an encouraging one to hopefully help you breathe a little easier!

I only found you about a year ago when you were posting Home To You, an amazing heart wrenching series that perfectly filled my angsty wants.

It’s a little insane that I’ve only recently found you, I’ve been in this fandom since 2012 (oh my god it’s been a decade) and I thought I knew of all of the professional level fic writers (yes you fit that category). So you can imagine my surprise when I happened upon one of your fantastically written fics, a very happy surprise.

This app especially allows us to stay in our own little echo chambers, with the ever slowing number of reblogs and likes it’s even harder to break out of it to find fresh blood but I really REALLY hope that doesn’t disparage your truly natural talent as a story teller.

Take all the breaks you need, go on hiatus if you must, though I do hope you tell us beforehand so we don’t think you’ve died. We are here to support you as a writer, NOT just to support your writing.

I truly understand why you have a patreon, if I had your abilities, I’d try to market them as well. It sucks that being a creative in this world does not sustain a healthy life. And in the future, when the checks are a little more stable, I hope to help you, as well as other writers, continue to create beautiful pieces that keep this fandom going.

Lastly, you’re a fucking work horse. The amount of content you pump out, from gifs and pictures of our beautiful men, to the ever amazing fictitious world you build that I choose to hide away in, is insane. I recently had to write a 6k word assignment and it gave me a WHOLE new appreciation for you all who literally do that like every week, like actually WHAT THE FUCK. I wish I had the stamina, the imagination, the drive to put my thoughts into tangible words on paper and you do it for fun? WTF.

I don’t really know if you’ve ever realized this, but people, literally all their lives strive to do something to be remembered by, to have someone think of them and the things they created fondly. You’ve done something like that to at least one of your followers (me) and I’m sure many others. No matter where life takes you in the future, if tumblr will survive then, if our existence on the internet is actually archived somewhere, there will always be this group of people who will think back to the works you’ve created and smile. Because you have written literal novels, FOR FREE, that other people have consumed, and thoroughly enjoyed. I for one still think about some of the fan fiction I read in my youth that I’ve tried finding again but have had no luck, but either way, I remember the feelings those stories brought out in me.

The world is always going to be chaotic, it’s the nature of our being, but your stories along with other writers, published, unpublished, or self published, have created billions of worlds that we have been able to use as an escape from the chaos. And it’s a beautiful thing.

I hope you continue to use your talent, I hope you continue to share that talent with us; but most of all, I hope you’re happy or on the path to finding it ❤️.

😭😭 I wish I could hug you right now.

Professional fic writer level got me. I am humbled you think that of me, and it left me a bit speechless and misty eyed 🥺

And theeeeeen I went into gross sobbing the further I read on. You have a way with words and I’m really not great at taking compliments, but just know that my day has been significantly better after reading your ask.

To tell you the truth, I’ve been having so much going on in my personal life that it doesn’t leave me a lot of time to write, so when someone said that I wasn’t enough, it really got me. If I would be in a better shape, it probably wouldn’t have bothered me that much.

Honestly, to know that I made a little impact on your life, and that you’ll remember me for my little story, is really what gets me going. It makes all the sweat, the family time I sacrificed and the tears I spilled all worthwhile.

I adore you. Thank you for sending me this, anon

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[purplerose244]

Irrational - Chapter 1: The first star in the morning

​Hello everyone!! The @spacecampweek is finally here!! 😍

I cannot wait to see all the content for these two math dorks! Here is my contribution, a collection of oneshots including all the prompts, starting with the first, “Stars”! ✨

Enjoy!! 💙💙

Summary: Seamus was going to smack that idiot of his best friend right in the head for putting him into this situation. A private moment with his little crush, sure, what a marvelous plan of his! There was only one thing he didn’t take into account: this space nerd’s absolutely terrible flirting techniques.

Read it on the AO3

“… have I… have I told you about that time I went for the tryouts of the basketball team?” Seamus huffed with superiority, mostly for the sake of breathing out some air on this overly hot day. “I’m sure you can tell, I’m a pretty athletic person. The only reason I didn’t join was because I needed to keep up my grades or whatever, school is a total pain.” He smirked towards his right. “Maybe I can bring you to the gym sometimes, teach you how to make three-pointers? I’m sure you’d like that.” His overly confident tone fell into oblivion, as silent kept prevailing. He could feel the sweat going down his neck, behind the high collar of his black jacket.

Good lord, he was wearing a leather jacket. A freaking. Leather. Jacket. When he thought this day couldn’t get any more awkward.

“Four.” Seamus jumped over his seat.

“Huh?”

“Four times.” At last, the Cantaloupian had finally raised his eyes from his phone, showing him the most annoyed look he had ever seen on a human being. “You have mentioned this casket sport of yours at least four times tonight. Merely to answer your question.” Without much of a nod or an impressed look, his pretty nose went back to the lightened-up screen. Never mind, this day had all the chances to get plenty of more awkward.

He was losing him. Oh gosh, he was totally blowing it.

This made no sense! Sure he and Tight Jeans Hank had gone out only a few times before he got head over heels for Mary, but he was totally into the three-pointer thing! Sure, making up an excuse after that on why they never actually went to the gym had been a little draining, a little shameful, but at least there was that! He wasn’t completely out of his game.

… was he? Quick, another one! Huh, what did work out with that one guy from math class before he discovered he liked astronomy better?

“Huh, uhm… you know one time we got Mrs. Janeth so mad I was called into the principal’s office, but I got out without a single problem! You didn’t expect me to be this much of a bad boy, didn’t you? Yeah, this math student is good with numbers as a cover, my call is… being… mischievous…” Oh the cringe. It was going to be all worth it if he got at least a change from the guy sitting at the passenger’s seat. “Heh, people still wonder how I did it.” He grinned towards him, wiggling his eyebrows. “I could tell you, but it has to be… our secret.” Wow. He was channeling his interior Steve. The only difference was that that knucklehead at least was actually good at sports and actually good at getting into troubles.

Heck, even Pepperjack was more of a rebel!

Ah. Silence. Not even the Cantaloupian checking his phone was making any noise.

“Uh-huh.” His eyes were still all over the screen. He didn’t even bother to give him a look this time. “Would not be much of a secret in that case, now would it.”

The blonde was starting to think there was some kind of massive secret stored into that device. His eyes fell on it. Nope, this guy was literally tapping onto apps and exiting them without doing anything. Seamus almost laugh at the awfulness of all, wondering if it was too late running out in the woods and hope his allergy was going to kill him sooner or later. Then he stumbled with his memory to Spring Fling, the date he got – that had spent most of the night making out with someone else in the bathroom, but still.

Alright, confident. An intriguing, intimidating guy, one Krel might wanna know better.

“W-well, the best part of having secrets is sharing it with others! Saying, see this bruise I have?” He pointed at his temple, panicking for a second to remember where it was. His mind went right, and he really hope he wasn’t just pointing at his cheek like an idiot. “I got into this massive fight after class, it was insane! I won’t bore you with details, the usual argument with those bozos from our rival school, but if you think this dent is bad you should see the other guys! Pretty cool huh?”

Silence again.

A sigh. It held together such an annoyed power it left him baffled for a second. Krel was narrowing his eyes so much they looked closed.

“Forgive me, I am still trying to master the art of sarcasm, so I will have to warn you beforehand: I am about to use it.” He cleared his voice. “Wow, that is impressive and totally not an idiotic behavior, thank you very much for telling me.” He made a very forced, very exaggerated smile, before dropping it while still looking at him and then going back at losing time on the phone.

More death wishes filled him. Seamus grimaced, sneezed, and checked if the windows were actually closed while grunting under his breath. He breathed through his nose, hands gripping the wheel simply to have something to do.

It was official. This was the worst first non-date of history, and it was all his fault.

… or Steve’s. Yeah, Steve’s fault sounded better.

The ground of the woods was most likely all over the wheels of dad’s car which was going to drive him mad once again, the occasional sniff of pollen into the air had been making his eyes tear up even since they got here – the windows were actually closed, how, stupid allergy –, and he was stuck there ruining all the chances he never had in the first place. Yes, it made so much more sense blaming that good for nothing jock. The only reason Seamus was there in the first place was because his Vespa was out of service – he had said something something creeper walking on the crosswalk, he had stopped listening at some point –, and he had promised his girlfriend to go back to the kissing tree as soon as the situation was calmer or whatever. Seamus, being the good friend he was – especially since Logan was grounded –, had joined in to give them a lift and wait in the car for the two lovebirds to have their mushy moments, feeling extremely single in the process.

When he had seen Aja and Steve getting out of the Tarron’s residence, Seamus had waved.

When he had seen coming along as well none other than Krel Tarron, he had briefly considered pushing onto the accelerator and leaving everyone and everything into the dust. His body had not complied – the traitor. The happy couple had positioned themselves in the back seats, with Aja saying her little brother had decided not to be a recluse for tonight, while the Cantaloupian genius had comfortably seated himself next to him, giving a smile.

A smile.

How dare he? A smile!?

It was Steve’s fault, it definitely was. There was no way Krel would have come out of his own will, it was notorious he despised social gatherings with intellectually inferior people – mood – and hated nature even more – bigger mood. His sister had never been able to convince him before, he knew that because Steve had made it a habit narrating his escapades with Aja after every single date, and it had always started with “We left the buttsnack home and…”. The first time Seamus offered a ride home to the two of them, and magically the little crush he had only confided to Steve and Logan – and Mary but Mary was gossip queen so that didn’t count – had decided to tag along with them. Suspicious, very suspicious.

So, there they were. They had been stuck into his car for an hour at least now, waiting to check if Aja and Steve planned on staying here for longer or eventually head back. Seamus really hoped for the second. He had no idea how the tension had raised up to this point, nothing was working! Krel was barely acknowledging him, and he was starting to wonder why he decided to join in in the first place. Maybe he lost a bet with Steve or something, that would have explained it.

… it did explain it. He was here against his will, with him, having the worst time of his life. Seamus pressed his lips together, the silence weighting onto his stomach. Maybe he could ask something else? What more anecdotes did he have left? The full score at Alex, getting kicked out of Sam’s…

… why was he feeling worse?

His phone vibrated right there. He had no doubt who was disturbing and judging by the sudden vibration from Krel’s phone the other half of the couple was sending similar messages.

THEPalchuk: Hey man

THEPalchuk: Me and Aja are staying around more

THEPalchuk: Pick us up in one hour?

THEPalchuk: Thanks you’re the best!

Great, like he wasn’t currently questioning his flirting skills as much as his entire persona. What was left in his repertoire? Nothing was helping so far, maybe he needed another approach. What choice did he have though? His stories were usually somehow effective, being like Steve didn’t seem better, Mary just so happened to have guys always in line for her for whatever reason, what else could he…

“Johnson?” He held back another jump, because Krel was finally looking at him and it was progress and- “Would it be too much bother if I asked you to bring me back home?”

Oh. Oh.

In his head played the game over soundtrack from GoGo Sushi. Dang it. He wished he had more time to prepare for this day, but right now it felt like it was inevitable. He definitely did something, said something weird. Was there even a possibility in the first place? With someone like him? He had met Krel Tarron in between classes on a completely random day: the guy had completely destroyed Mrs. Janeth’s theory about triangles without breaking a sweat, had broken into the science lab apparently making a mess of the only functioning computer, and had gotten sent to the principal at the end of the day as a result, without getting into troubles afterwards. This guy had managed to be an absolute nonconformist and a shameless rebel… using math.

Yeah, he was on another level, there was no point. He was so going to scream at Steve on organizing this, it was meant to go bad. Worst of all, it didn’t feel like he could get over it anytime soon. Maybe because it was something that didn’t even start.

He started the car, holding back a sigh.

“No problem, right away.” Krel gave him a mild grateful smile, and Seamus felt the urge to cry.

The trip back was somehow even more awkward than the hour spent waiting. Not necessarily for the deadly silence still permeating the car, mostly for the amount of thoughts that were running wildly into his head. What now? He didn’t even know if the Cantaloupian had noticed his attempts at flirting, did he reject him or was he simply so bored he couldn’t take it anymore? Did it matter? The natural consequence was to stay as far away as possible and ignore his entire existence during high school, then get into the furthest college possible – Australia sounded good – and forget about finding love forever. Sure Krel was in most of his classes, and that guy was most likely going to be an Elite student with him and Claire, which meant they were going to be paired up for some stupid vanity event of the school; also he happened to be his best friend’s girlfriend’s brother, so no way it was the last he was ever going to see him, but he could deal with it.

He could… deal with it…

… he didn’t want to, though. He didn’t want to stop talking to him or stop wishing to talk to him. That guy was in sync with his friends, he was so smart it was unbelievable, he was fun to be around and even right now that the embarrassment was at its peak, Seamus couldn’t help noticing how pretty he was, somehow even in the act of ignoring his existence. In light of all of this, was this really the only way to go? It always was with the other guys…

There was a stop ahead. He respected it, lightly biting his lip. No, with all the others he never made contact after failure because he never cared for it, because they weren’t good people, and because he didn’t want to admit how much he had made up for the sake of one terrible date. He could reach a compromise, right? To be able to talk with him. Nothing in between, only the truth.

His very dorky, uncool truth.

He continued to drive, pondering over everything, only to notice a parking spot next to the crosswalk. He went, noticing the other’s weird look on him. He hurried to speak before he could.

“I’ve never been at the tryouts.” Krel fully turned to him, eyes widened.

“… what?” Seamus winced, rubbing his neck.

“The basketball thing? I never did it. I wanted to, I’m really not bad at it… but I didn’t finish homework for that day and my dad didn’t let me.” Ah, there it came, the absolute shame – gently provided by Mr. Johnson, trademark. “The grades stuff, that’s kinda the excuse I always use whenever someone ask me why I’m not in the team. It’s not exactly a lie, but it’s better than saying I have no freedom at all.” The Cantaloupian looked baffled. The blonde took it as a chance to keep going. “As for the principal call, you wanna actually know the secret? I was never in trouble in the first place, Mrs. Janeth wanted to personally congratulate for making it into the International Mathematical Olympiad. I didn’t want people to think I was lame.” Gosh it burned. It felt kinda nice but it was also awful. He sighed at the end, pointing at his temple. “And about this? The fight? As if, I tripped on my way to the planetarium… because I love space… and there people don’t make fun of me for it.” Oh. He didn’t mean that last one, he didn’t want it to hurt. It still did. Not even Steve or Logan knew why he had been keeping his passion lowkey only for close friends.

It was good… it was good, right? It was as genuine as he could get, because despite everything he still wanted to be able to look at him in the eyes without second guessing himself. He was a lame-o who could barely do anything without his dad’s approval, he was an absolute nerd who was good at math only because he had to, and he was a dork with an absolute passion for space that got him so much mockery in the past, before he started to mock back.

A leaf flew over the windshield of the car. He could feel his sweat turning into ice. Was it too late after all? He lost his chance with Krel even at being a friend? He could feel his eyes on him.

It was silence. Then, a long sigh of relief came from him.

“Oh thank Seklos, I was convinced you were being serious before.”

… huh?

“Huh?” He looked at him. Krel was smiling. He was… smiling? “Before?”

“You were turning into an even bigger oaf than Steve is, which is quite the accomplishment let me tell you.” He looked down, finally putting away his phone. Despite wishing for it the entire time, Seamus felt a wave of anxiety rushing over. “I knew for a fact that I was going to be in your company during the entire time, given that the Staja is a force too chaotic to be around without risking someone’s life.” Despite the tension the blonde snorted. The Cantaloupian seemed to like that. “I was even looking forward to it. I’ve always wondered about the sleeping guy from class.”

Holy. Freaking. Mole.

Seamus was agape, he was pretty sure his jaw was dislocated without repair. He wasn’t sure if this was actually happening, or the last sniff of pollen had put him into a state of hallucination – he didn’t mind trading an anaphylactic shock for this. He managed to breathe again after a while, trying to remember how to speak words.

“Wait- You- I… you were watching me too?” Ah, why the too, why did he have to admit of staring at him while trying to stay awake during class? Why was he such a-

Wow. Wow. Was that embarrassment?

Coming from the prideful Krel Tarron?

“I was… mildly checking.” Okay, this was definitely a coma-induced dream, no way he was that lucky – and could this guy stop looking this adorably shy, he needed his heart to come back to life. “You always raise your hand when Mrs. Janeth asks something, even before the question has been said. You seem to be constantly bored during the lesson, which I can completely understand. You seem to be one of the few people who can at least dream to measure up with me in regard of intellect.” Mm, maybe this was actually real, somehow that came out extremely irritating and incredibly endearing at the same time. “I was interested into knowing that person tonight… I have not seen him for now.” His eyes went down, a little bitterly.

He was going to care about that in a moment. First, his mind needed to compute. What was happening here? Were Steve and Logan into this? Were they following him with a black car from afar ready to scare the crap out of him as soon as he was going to believe that a guy this cool actually wanted to know the real him?

… jeez, he really needed to work onto his self-esteem.

Besides, it was Krel, the frankest person he had ever met. There was no way he was pretending, he was so sure it almost scared him.

Apparently, this was happening, this was a meeting of some sort. One that for now, he had been screwing up big time. He was trying so hard to be liked, trying the best that had worked before, but did it work really? He had never actually been in a relationship, every single guy had evaporated as soon as they had found something better to do than hang out with this weird space nerd. Instead, Krel was waiting. Krel was there to actually know about that part of him.

The real him.

“… are you really in a hurry to come back home?” He got a confused stare. But if he really had something close to a chance, he was fine with making it interesting. “In case not… could I arrange a meeting?” He forced a very nervous smile. “Between you and him?”

Krel looked at him in surprise.

Then he smiled. He smiled.

“Alright, one more chance. Make it count, Johnson.”

His father would have not liked how fast he was driving, even while making sure to respect all signs – he wasn’t that reckless, even if the idea of bothering his old man was tempting. It wasn’t a long trip anyway, he knew the way by heart at this point. Arcadia soon got less lived around them and started to raise up, into a road leading higher and higher while surrounded by those dang trees. His passenger was looking out of the window, clearly curious but without asking a single thing. Seamus didn’t mind it. Maybe he just wanted to appreciate the moment for now, having him intrigued by the situation, before something went wrong again.

No. No. No more screwing everything, not this time. He could make this work.

The planetarium was there almost too soon, as he had only started to notice the eyes of the Cantaloupian occasionally drifting from the glass to him, equally intense. He placed the car into a completely empty parking lot, got out and breathed in. At least here there was way less vegetation, he could almost take a full breath without coughing. He quickly went over Krel’s side, opening the door for him and offering his hand.

He got a weird look in return, a little smile and a tan hand into his. Seamus really didn’t want this to be the first and last time.

“Have you ever been at Arcadia’s planetarium?”

“I am familiar, not a frequent visitor though. I was here for the Science Fair, and once in the first days since I land- got here.” He stumbled a little and focused on looking around, frowning. “I did not find anything particularly interesting though. Only incorrect.”

“Oh, if you’re up for a conversation about mistakes made into the planetary system I’m all ears, but let’s get inside first. I’m bringing you somewhere special.” He walked towards the building, aiming for the back of it, hoping that the occasional cat had decided to do its stuff somewhere else, at least for tonight. Only halfway there it hit him that their hands were still united. He was actually holding his hand. The realization made his body tremble. “Huh, I…” He looked over his shoulder, trying to think how to ask someone if it was okay to hold hands while already doing it in order not to make him go away – why was his brain always this convoluted?

Krel blinked at him, with those pretty brown eyes of his. There was such a control into those irises, smarts and brilliance but not only. It was the kind of look that had seen much, stuff he probably couldn’t even understand. There was simply something that made him want to know more about him.

He clenched his hold. Seamus could feel his heart doing backflips.

“What is it?” This mischievous genius smirked. Absolutely aware. What a day was this day.

“… nothing.” Seamus grinned back, starting to accept that from now on everything was going to be absolutely mind-blowing. “I have been here so many times, and if I know something is that the employees here are… really bad at their job.” He eyed the backdoor. Then the doormat. A freaking doormat, what a cliché. “I swear, one could break in and they would barely notice.” Reluctantly he let go of his hand, slipped it underneath the obvious hiding spot and got the key.

“That is really careless. Although having access to this place could be useful, I did see some interesting components for potential devices last time I was here.”

“Dang, you’re a dangerous one… wait, you’re an inventor?”

“In a way, I’m mostly an engineer.” Total. Heart eyes. “How did you discover this entrance?”

“I used to be a kid who barely had friends, hate with passion staying at my own house and I wished for nothing more than to climb onto a rocket and leave the planet to explore the entire galaxy.” Huh. It used to sound way less edgy when he was younger. “At some point dad discovered that he could leave me here with an adult and he was able to go by his day doing business or whatever without a problem, so I spent a lot of time around here. It gets easier to discover tricks when you’re a kid.” He unlocked the door, bowing at the other. “After you, Mr. Rebel.”

Krel rolled his eyes with a smirk, getting in.

It was as silent and dark as he expected it to be. Also empty, as he expected the nightguard had ditched his job once again – he mentally thanked his careless of tonight. He had been there enough to memorize even the vague noise of the neon, it was echoing into his ears even now that the lights were off. He took out his phone, brightening the way for them to walk. He barely had to think about it, his feet already knew where to step and what poster to pass by, even in complete darkness. His attention was mostly on the guy following him anyway… he was bringing a guy to his special place. He was bringing a guy into his stupidly nerdy corner in this stupidly nerdy place he had adored ever since he was a kid. He was actually doing it.

Wow, Mary would have screamed murder at him for being this uncool. He decided he could deal with her fits later. For now, the projector room.

It pleased him the look of Krel’s face, as it was genuinely the first time he had been there. There were so many seats, the projector was in the middle of the room. It was dark, but the glass dome above them gave a bit of a view over the night sky. Nothing else, absolute simplicity. It was so peaceful here. It made him sigh of relief every single time.

Right now though, it was enough silence to hear his own heartbeats, as the Cantaloupian’s curious eyes went all over the room. He really wanted to be up to his expectations.

“Fascinating.” He looked up to the sky view. “What is the purpose of this place?”

“You’ll see.” Seamus took off that awful jacket of his with a certain satisfaction and put it onto one of the seats. He patted the one next to him. “Give me a moment.” Krel obeyed, taking place, while the blonde went over the controls. He had seen it plenty of times, he had done it as well. Only a few controllers, along with the audio guide. “Get ready for the show!” He hurried to take place where he had left the piece of clothes, deliberately sitting on it – he never wanted to see it again, at least until winder, screw being cool or whatever.

A very familiar excitement took over when the first stars appeared, manifesting the galaxy as a whole. So many points made of light, further than his mind could ever go, yet so reachable in a way his mind couldn’t explain. Soon enough planets came into view as well, Saturn first in all of its beauty, showcasing the rings into the black space.

He took a breath, feeling the familiarity of the place… and something more.

“Space, the ever-present dome of endless wonder,” The audio guide roared through the video, toning it down a little had been a good idea. He remembered when he was a kid, and he had been so conflicted between putting his hands over his ears or risking becoming deaf only for the sake of knowing more about the universe. “And just when you think the universe can’t get any more mysterious…” He knew that explanation by heart at this point.

So he noticed the change nearby. He thought he was imagining it, because it wasn’t the first time the thought had hit him. Then his fingers met others, his heart screamed, and he decided that no dream of his had ever been this vivid.

“I like this place.” Krel was talking softly, close to his ear. It sent a shiver onto his back.

“H-happy to hear.” He let their fingers intertwine, trying to focus less on how everything could end up so horribly and more on how enjoyable everything was. He could live this moment, without thinking of the bad possible outcome. “… you know, the planets got colored like that to appeal the kids I think. The first time I watched it I’ve already studied my kiddie book about planets, and I was so disappointed that they weren’t being accurate.” He snickered, letting his eyes wander on how the celestial corpses were moving in circles. “Thinking that there is so much out there…”

“Yeah… so much.” Krel breathed out. “Galaxies so distant, Earth might never get the chance to reach. Everything is so far from everything here.” His tone had gone down a little, pensive.

The audio guide continued, Seamus was unconsciously moving his mouth along the description that was already stuck into his head. Krel had gone completely silent, even though his warm was still into his. The blonde had no idea what was going on in that impressive brain of his, but whatever it was, he didn’t want to stay away from it.

With his free hand he pointed at the projection, the fragment with all the stars.

“You know, I used to think that space was a little scary. It’s so vast and we humans will probably never live long enough to see it all.” He smiled, remember the stories about the stars his mom used to read for him. “Then I discovered how far stars are, and that from every single planet of the Milky Way the constellations all look the same. It’s like they reach all those places.”

“… what about beyond that?” Krel swallowed, clenching his hold. “What if there are even further planets out there?”

“Well, stars are many lightyears away from here, and one lightyear is 5.8 trillion miles. That’s one heck of a trip.” He got a look that said ‘I knew that’ and laughed, making him smile a little too. “All I’m saying is that, at least for a part of the galaxy, the sky will look the same. And even if we discovered even further away planets where they don’t know about Andromeda or Sagittarius, there will be other stars over there, reaching out for other places, but stars nonetheless.” The projection changed again, coming back to Earth. “As far as one can go, there are still things that feels like home, you know? That’s why, even though it’s terrifying, I kind of can’t wait to know if there’s more out there.” His throat felt lighter. Oh. He had rarely ever been able to say, was this ok-

Oh. Oh. He was wrong, Krel had never smiled before, not this evening, not even a single time. Because this was his real smile, a radiant curve with those lucid eyes, reflecting the light of the projector. He turned to him, and Seamus almost gasped out of the view alone.

Beautiful. Krel Tarron was really beautiful.

“That is a comforting thought.” His voice wasn’t far anymore, it got back some vigor. “So, this is the real you?” Seamus swallowed. Right, it all came down to that.

“I guess so… yeah, pretty much.”

“Good. I like this Seamus much better than the other one.” Okay, calm down. He was simply making a comparison with how jerky he was before. No need to get all riled up by his wording. “Although I am not completely convinced about the situation, perhaps this matter needs to be deepen on another occasion. Perhaps in another place, at another time… with the two of us.” Okay, no calming down, forget all the rationality he was so going to freak out.

It took him a moment. Then, mustering all of his courage at facing the last doubt that he was going to get slapped or laughed at as soon as he turned, he looked at the guy sitting next to him. No laugh. No slap. Not at all.

“Does… does that mean… another date? A-a proper one?” The Cantaloupian’s shrug said maybe, his extremely wide grin said yes. Seamus was too happy to care about the mocking intention. “Huh, uh, uhm.” Answer stupid, answer! “Yes. That is… sure, why not, it sounds good.” He so needed to work on his communication skills, especially since he was about to meet him so much more from now on – holy everything he just got a date out of Krel Tarron didn’t he. “I can pick you up one of these days, we can go to Sam’s or something…” Wow, a diner, such a romantic place for a date. “O-or something else, maybe I should ask Steve about idea- Oh, dang it!”

Krel’s expression fell. Oh, apparently he wasn’t the only one questioning himself.

“What is it? Is it no good?”

“Oh, no way, it’s nothing! I’m happy!” He straightened his back, glad that they were still holding hands despite everything. “It’s just that… urgh, I hate when Steve’s right about something, he gets super unbearable. Now the fact that he arranged the whole thing and it actually worked will be his biggest accomplishment, not looking forward to that.” He could already see the t-shirts ‘I got this buttsnack a date’ with his face on it. With that being said, it seemed almost an overly fair trade, weeks of mockery coming from that guy for a single date with the Cantaloupian.

Who was staring at him with an arched brow, slowly straightening his back with a wince – yeah, his own back wasn’t doing much better, these chairs were pretty uncomfortable.

“What do you mean he arranged this?” How subtle Steve was?… could Steve actually be subtle?

“Well, you know, it’s pretty evident.” Seamus scratched his cheek with his free hand, laughing a little. “He was the one knowing about my… uhm, interest in you.” Nice understatement. Those brown eyes widened. “The day I offer him a lift with my car you come along, there’s not much else to deduce here.” It was weird that someone this observant hadn’t noticed the coincidence.

Krel was smiling, again, and his cheeks were lightly red. It almost stopped his heart. Then he frowned, like another thought had taken over his more pleasant one.

“You think Steve pushed me to come today?” Seamus blinked. That was a weirdly worded question. He simply nodded. “What makes you think that?”

“Please, that guy would do anything to make me in the situation to make an absolute fool of myself! Granted, I didn’t need much of his help at this turn.” Krel was still blinking, looking baffled. “Besides, who else would’ve cared for this? I don’t think your sister knew about me, Logan is out of the picture tonight, and I’d be terrified if Mary actually managed to be involved without… what? What is it?” The guy was staring so intently, it was hard keeping track with that kind of look.

The hold clenched again. Krel was focused on nothing but him.

“I am simply a little taken back. I thought the fact that I came along only when you were there would have given away my intentions.” His inten- Oh. Oh. That syllabus must had shown onto his face because Krel laughed. He laughed and it was beautiful, even though his brain was having a grand hard time at functioning. “Steve simply said you were there to give him a ride, it was a good occasion. A plan of mine at least.” Still not functioning. “Speaking of, perhaps we should let them know we might be a little late at picking them up. I am in no hurry to leave anymore.” Still hardly understanding. “You are perhaps a little less brilliant than you think you are, Seamus Johnson.” Still non computing. Krel stared at him, right into his eyes. “But you are a nicer company than you might believe to be.” He got closer. Not functioning, not computing not-

Cheek, kiss.

Kiss cheek, cheeky kiss, kiss on the cheek with kiss-

Krel was kissing his cheek.

It was warm and soft, and it made his brain absolute short-circuit. Their noses almost brushed when he pulled away, and Krel’s hair moved a little, lightly smelling like metal. He was an inventor, he said. What else? What else was this person was? He really wanted to know, he really wanted to ask. All he could muster right now though was some sort of whimper, that made the Cantaloupian giggle some more, before getting back on his seat while still holding his hand.

The audio guide’s voice was still as powerful as ever, and at the meteor section something into his head woke up. Seamus realized that, once again, he wasn’t hallucinating. He couldn’t reach his warm cheek with his free hand without looking incredibly awkward but it was fine. It was okay, absolutely okay, and he couldn’t stop grinning because of it.

Turned out, it wasn’t Steve’s fault. It was Krel’s fault.

He was more than happy to go along with it.

[bunnyywritings]

friday shenanigans

Kozume Kenma x bestfriend!reader

𝕤𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕤 𝕞𝕒𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥 - 𝕟𝕖𝕩𝕥

[a/n: soooo I’m gonna start another series, this time with my baby boy Kenma🥺 I love him so much, here’s part 1, enjoy! -yours truly, bunnyy -`ღ´- ]

“Kenmaaaa! I really want a frog, I think I’m actually gonna do it this time.” You ungracefully fell back and laid on his lap as you watched yet another tik tok video with an insanely cute frog.

“Sure you are (y/n).” Kenma sighed as he fondly shook his head, moving his arms a bit so you could lay down comfortably as he played his game.

The reason he didn’t believe you was because every Friday that you had gone and slept over at his house, you always said that you were going to get a pet frog and you never did. So you saying it this time, didn’t change anything.

“Plus, I think Worm would eat it the day you got it.” He motioned to your cat that was resting on the windowsill.

“Hmm...you may be right.” You muttered as you continued to scroll through tiktok, laughing at stupid videos and lifting your phone so Kenma could see them too.

Tiktok had definitely ruined your sense of humor. For the both of you.

This time, you guys were having the sleepover at your house since your folks were out of town for the weekend and you had to take care of your cat. The up-side to having someone who plays the same amount of video games as him, you had the same consoles and games that Kenma did so it didn’t matter who’s house you were at.

“I thought you were gonna play this with me?” Kenma huffed. You had finally gotten My Hero: One Justice and he really wanted to play a 1v1 match against you.

“After we go get food with Kuroo, I have like zero energy right know.“ You had moved your arms so dramatically that you accidentally threw yourself off of the couch and onto the wood flooring. You had landed on your side with a groan.

“You’re so stupid.” Kenma laughed softly as he nudged your stomach with his foot to push you onto your back.

“Don’t laugh at my pain!” You exaggeratedly rested the back of your hand against your forehead. Just then, the doorbell rang before the door swung open.

“Your lord and savior is here!” Kuroo held his arms out as he cackled. The sound of Worm running caught your attention.

“AHH Kuroo, shut the door! Worm is gonna get out!” The door slammed shut, followed by a peeved meow.

“I swear, it’s like he was a dog in his past life or something...” You sat up and watched as Kuroo tossed his bag haphazardly and bent down to pick up the cat and petting him behind the ears.

“You’re telling me. You would be the one to have a broken cat.”

“He’s not broken!” You gasped in mock offense, “He just...has his days.” 

“So, what are we eating?”

Kenma paused the game and all three of you exchanged glances. There was silence for a good three minutes before Kenma spoke up.

“Mc...Donalads...” He suggested carefully.

“Hmm yeah, I’m down.” You nodded in agreement.

“Same here.” Kuroo grinned while twirling his keys around his fingers. Kenma moved to put on his shoes, you stood up and looked down at yourself. You had your spandex shorts on from practice and a nekoma hoodie.

“Should I change?” Both boys paused and looked at me for a second.

“Eww! Have you not showered yet?” Kuroo stuck his tongue out.

“Wha-I took a shower right after practice!” You defended with a pout, “Who do you think I am, you gremlin?”

Kenma snickered quietly. “You look good (y/n), don’t worry.” His words making you blush.

“Thank you Kozu, at least one of you is helpful.” You glared, Kuroo just shrugging with a mischievous wink.

Not bothering to put on actual shoes, you slipped on your red crocs, one had a volleyball charm on it and the other one had a ‘5′ charm on it because, coincidentally, you and Kenma had the same number jersey. 

“Again with the crocs!” Kuroo groaned.

“Get ready to catch these hand Tetsu, you literally have a pair too. We all bought them at the same time.” You rolled your eyes, pulling your socks back up so the hem rested against your shins.

You and Kenma walked over to the door before you paused and stared at Worm, he stared back at you with the same intensity. “Should I leave him here? Or take him with us?” You wondered aloud.

“Take him.” Kuroo immediately nodded. “It’s hysterical seeing people’s reaction to a cat on a leash.” That’s all the convincing you needed. You grabbed the leash and Worm ran towards you, meowing excitedly.

“Maybe you are broken...”You muttered as you slipped him into his harness and attached the leash and off you guys went

It was always the same seating arrangement, Kuroo driving, Kenma in shotgun, and you in the back.

Music blasting and windows down, both you and Kuroo were just belting the lyrics shamelessly while Kenma just bobbed his head and mouthed the words. Vibing while playing on his switch. He would pause and watch as you smiled and laughed as you just sang your little heart out, blush on his cheeks at how adorable you were.

He always enjoyed that he was the only one who had the privilege of seeing you in sweats and hoodies, in big t-shirts, hair all over the place, bare faced and slouched against the couch at 3am while you guys played video games or binge watched an anime again. He thought you were beautiful all the time. Sweaty and red-faced during a game or hair and makeup done while you dressed in streetwear.

Kuroo knew. Of course he knew. Kenma never really told him but he didn’t need to. He could just tell, Kenma wasn’t obvious with his feelings but Kuroo had known the both of you long enough to eventually figure out that the two of you were pining for each other. It made him happy to see the way you two looked at each other when you thought no one was looking. He made it his mission to get you two to finally get together before the school year ends. He wants to see the both of you happy before he goes of to college.

He pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store. As the three of you walked to the entrance, the glances at your cat on a leash was priceless.

“So what’s the game plan?” You asked as you picked up Worm and he jumped onto you shoulder, perching there while nuzzling against your neck.

“I’ll get the drinks, you get the chips and stuff, and Kenma will get the candy.” Kuroo instructed and we all separated.

“Oh! Kozu! Get the-”

“I know, the matcha caramels. I got it.”

You bit your lip, heart swelling a little bit as you turned around and went to the snack aisle.

“Alright Worm, what snack are we feeling tonight?” You asked absentmindedly as he just purred in response.

“You’re right. We definitely need the taiyaki biscuits. Now the question in, chocolate or green tea?” You thought for a bit before Worm meowed this time. “What an intellectual, I’ll just get two of each. Thanks bud.” After piling your arms with snacks, you made your way to find Kuroo and Kenma.

“So uh when are you gonna, you know, stop being a simp and just tell (y/n) you like her?”

“I’m not a simp, Kuroo.” Kenma grumbled as he placed the candy he got in the cart.

“So you literally looking at her with puppy dog eyes is all my imagination?” Kenma just shrugged and before he could respond, Worm was making his way towards them while dragging the leash behind them but you were no where to be seen.

“Where’s (y/n)?” Kuroo wondered as Kenma bent down and picked up the cat.

“Goddamnit Worm! Where are you?” Was heard in what sounded like the next aisle.

“(Y/n)?”

“God?” Kenma slapped his forehead and sighed as he held back a laugh.

“Yes and I have a message for you! You are banned from heaven for wearing those god forsaken crocs!”

“Kuroo shut up! I’m trying to look for Worm!” At your shouts, Worm meowed lordly.

“Is he there with you?”

“Yeah, he’s right here.” Kenma called in response as you finally made your way to them. You carefully tossed the snacks into the cart.

“You little prick, I trusted you.” You booped Worm’s nose while glaring at him.

You guys paid and made your way back to the car and heading to the McDonald’s, you and Kenma telling Kuroo your orders so you guys wouldn’t have to order.

While you guys waited, you and Kuroo made some tiktoks. You guys both had a pretty big following on the app, the three of you were always making an appearance together on both accounts. Kenma participated in some of them, some he was just in the background. People LOVED him, you’d never admit it but some of the comments that asked about his socials or said that they were gonna ‘simp’ over him made you jealous. They shouldn’t have, since you two weren’t together but they did. He’d seen the comments but never mentioned them. They didn’t really matter to him though. After getting your orders and keeping Worm out of the bags, you guys finally got back to your house.

You three claimed your spots in the living room and Kenma popped in the My Hero game. Kuroo watched as the two of you had a 1v1. He wasn’t really interested in games that much, he just loved to watch and wait till one of you just rage quit. It didn’t happen often but when it did, it was a gem to see. After like 10 rounds, you quit after Kenma beat you 7-3.

“Kozu! I didn’t even get to finish that combo.” His eyes widened as you turned to look at him. You had been sitting on the ground and now you were looking up at him with a pout. His mind raced as he turned away to hide his blush.

“It’s not my fault you suck...”

“You wound me, Kozu! You wound me!”

“Can we try out this dance, (y/n)? It looks easy.”

“Uhhh sure.”

You guys mirrored his phone to the tv and watched the dance.

“What the hell? This isn’t easy at all!” Kenma couldn’t help but watch yours and Kuroo’s uncoordinated movements in an attempt to copy the person on screen. The two of you were usually pretty good at the dances, it was just a long process that he loved to watch.

His eyes widened when your hips swayed so fluidly, the motion was smooth and effortless. He buried his face in Worm’s soft fur, letting out a tiny groan.

Why were you doing this to him?

[ninacentauri]

if you have no clue what’s going on with $gme, short-selling hedge funds, robinhood app, r/wallstreetbets, and why this is all so important, check out this comment by u/PlayFree_Bird from reddit. i’ve copied and pasted it here for your convenience.

for those holding gme (and nokia, bb, amc and so on) stocks, we are all so collectively stoked and proud of what’s happening. we wish you all great returns. besides, gme is a promising company imo. i totally get why some people are in it for the long haul. [disclaimer: i’m not a financial advisor] godspeed!

-nina

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

comment by u/PlayFree_Bird:

I'm glad this place has quieted down enough for some actual DD written by a monkey with a keyboard and Adderall.  Disclaimer: I am that monkey.   Let me explain to you what happened, play by play.  I will give you illiterates who hate reading a spoiler up front: We were within approximately 30 seconds of triggering a nuclear bomb that would have blown up the market. Do I have your attention?  Here goes:

Yesterday, new call option strike prices were added all the way up to $570.  Do I have to go over gamma squeezes again?  Really?  We've been over this: when deep out-of-the-money call options start being gobbled up and the price starts moving towards being in-the-money, the call writers have to hedge their risk of having their sold calls exercised, typically by buying stock.  This creates upwards pressure on the market.  We've been seeing these movements all week.

Yesterday after market, you probably saw that coordinated effort to drive the price down and spook retail investors into a mass sell-off.   It didn't work.

Last night, Robinhood sent out a message to users: you could no longer enter into new options.  You could exercise them if you had the collateral (money in the account) to do so.  Very interesting and the first sign of pants-shitting fear.

Today, the market opened very strong.  It opened so strong that we were looking at a self-perpetuating gamma squeeze all the way up way past $570.

At approximately 9:58 am, the stock had reached $468 in a parabolic move.

Two minutes earlier, at 9:56 am, Robinhood tweeted that they were not allowing users to buy GME stock, but they would allow selling.

The trend instantly halted and started a collapse downwards, before picking up a bit, especially after some retail was allowed back in.

Okay, now that you are clear on the facts, understand this: The market ran out of liquidity today, or was threatening to get close enough that they killed it.  What does that mean?  It means they ran out of shares and/or capital. They wouldn't let you buy new shares because we were burning through all the shares on the market.  I saw an unsubstantiated post from a user who said a small sell limit order executed at $2600 for him.  Do you get the severity of the situation, if that's true?  It means the buying was getting to the point where it was just about to put INFINITE pressure on the price of the shares.  It means virtually any ask was getting bid.

How do you get infinite upwards pressure?  A gamma squeeze triggering the mother of all short squeezes, just like we predicted.  The call writers need shares to hedge.  Retail is still buying more.  The short sellers need over 100% of the float back.  Add these together.  There were more shares needed than existed on the open market.  That's what a liquidity crisis is.

Listen to this remarkable (if infuriating) interview where the chairman of Interactive Brokers admits that they didn't have the capital to pay out the winners (us), so they took their ball and went home.  DO YOU GRASP HOW INSANE IT IS THAT HE SAID THEY NEEDED TO SHUT DOWN BUY ORDERS TO "PROTECT THE MARKET"? Hello!  He's not talking about the market for GME shares.  He's talking about the entire market!  The New York Stock Exchange.  The NASDAQ.   All that.

Remember the movie Snowpiercer?  Do you remember that scene where the lower class people realize the soldiers who oppress them have no bullets?  Go to the 1:00 minute mark of this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EH1EtiOhr6o

It kick starts a full blown rebellion.  They have no bullets.  It's the exact same in this market:  No capital.  No shares.  Infinite losses inbound.

TL;DR: For all you who will just skip to the bottom to ask, "Do I get my tendies now?" the answer is this: they NEED NEED NEED your shares.  Do you get that?  HOLD.  Like the guy in the movie, scream, "They're out of bullets!" and create a stampede.  That's how we win.

They needed your shares so badly that they literally risked PRISON TIME to get them.  They tried robbing you, and I'm not even exaggerating.  They were within 30 seconds of all being wiped out today.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

[bb-tings]

unspoken magic - drew starkey

magic - gabrielle aplin 

(10/10 reccomend ALL HER MUSIC)

so i found this song on spotify while i was looking for a song to write a cute fluffy drew fic to and it gave me such drew vibes bc homeboy doesn’t know how to use any form of social media lol...also the rant is literally me. like my thoughts and actions and beliefs. some of yall 13 year olds really don’t know the meaning of BOUNDARIES.

...anyways enjoy,

-BRI

if you want to join or get taken off the taglist just let me know in my messages or in the comments 😊

taglist: @ampanonyg @ims0golden @jjsmentalpolaroids @stargazingstarkey @letsgofullkook @jjmbanks @maybanksbaby @1-800-jjslut  @simpforstarkey @jellyfishbeansontoast

Remember when we snuck out of your birthday, didn't even say goodbye, 'Cause even there in a room full of faces, all I saw was you and I

     Everyone was having a blast dancing around, drinking, laughing. It was Drew’s birthday after all. The cast had decided to rent out a club and invite family and friends, including everyone who worked on set, the workers have become more like family than colleagues. There was so much chaos going on and while Y/n was so proud of the cast and herself for pulling the event off for her boyfriend, she couldn’t help but feel a little antisocial. She was a social butterfly, but everyone knew that after days of being the life of the party and extroverted, she needed time alone and started to shut down, wanting to be alone. Y/n was so excited for the party but when it came time for her to get dressed up and drunk with her friends, she found herself sitting alone on a couch booth while sipping wine, not really seeing the fun in getting wasted and stupid drunk. 

     Y/n watched as Drew and Rudy drunkenly danced back to back, screaming out the words to OMG by Usher, she laughed as he made eye contact with the young girl and pointed to her, wiggling his finger for her to join him. She held her glass up and tried giving him a believable smile, but the older boy knew better, so he made his way over to her.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Drew slid his way next to his girlfriend and used the towel on the table to wipe the sweat off of his face. “Did somebody upset you?”

“Nothing bubba, I’m fine.”

      Y/n looked up from her short-lived attempt at avoiding Drew’s eyes to him already looking at her. She watched as his hand moved toward her hair as he pushed a fallen piece behind her ear. He looked around her face and finally met her eyes, not believing her. “I’m fine, Drew. I promise.”

     Drew sat back away from her as he let out a loud sigh. “Why do you do that? Why do you lie to my face and tell me that you’re ok like I’m going to buy it? Why can’t you just tell me the truth?”

     “Drew, I really don’t wanna do this right now,” the young girl pleaded. “It’s your birthday, can’t we just have a good time and not worry about me right now?” To that Drew looked at his other half like she had grown another half. 

     “Ok, first of all, this,” He moved his finger quickly in the small space between them. “This Is not a fight. This is me being upset because my girlfriend won’t let me worry about her. I guess she doesn’t know how relationships work.” Drew teased the girl with a small smile on his face. “And second, we both know that I can’t have a good time if you’re sitting over here all sad and mopey.”

It's all the words you never say, the way I catch you watchin' me, I know that you love me, i know you can feel the magic, we don't need to talk about

     After a little back and forth, the young boy had finally gotten the girl to spill the truth about needing some alone time and was now trying to sneak them out of his own birthday party. As the pair rode home, Y/n couldn’t help but look at Drew as he stared ahead. She watched as his changing blue eyes flickered between the path in front of him and the many cars behind him, also driving in the early hours of the morning. 

     Though there were many signs, lights, and flashes that caught her mind’s attention, basically begging her eyes to look, she couldn’t help but only see Drew. This was her favorite kind of Drew. When he is totally unbothered. He was doing something so simple, something that he had been doing since he turned 15, now 27 it only seems right that he should be used to it. However, Y/n couldn’t help to notice how he put all his effort into it, eyes never once leaving the road, she liked to believe that it was his way of self consciously protecting her. And even though she thought she was going unnoticed, the young girl wasn’t the only one admiring from not so far. Drew was watching her too but through his peripheral. He loved that she was enchanted by everything he did. He liked knowing that he wasn’t the only one completely and hopelessly in love. 

No, we don't feel the need for colorful displays, 'cause it's not the kind of game we play, and why should we show the world how we feel, when it's not about them anyway

     Everyone was over at Madelyn’s apartment chilling and hanging out with one another. The blonde was stationed on the floor in between the couch and the coffee table, with a live Instagram leaning on a few books. Y/n was sitting directly behind the girl, turned to the side with her legs pulled up to her chest. She had let Maddie use her phone, the 22-year-old being too lazy to walk to her room and get hers, so now she was just watching as Madelyn socialized with the fans. 

“Ow, shit.” 

     Y/n turned her head to see Drew sitting on the edge of the couch next to her holding his foot with a worried stare. The younger girl let out a small snort. “Did you hit your toe bub?” 

     Drew let out a whiny noise and Maddie proceeded to also let out a laugh, then reusing one of her famous lines, “Never heard anyone whine like that before.” Y/n gently pushed the girl’s shoulder, teasingly telling her to leave the big baby alone. She then returned her vision to the raging comment section. Her once big smile quickly fading to a frown.

I think its a PR stunt bc they don’t even act like a couple

Drew deserves someone who actually loves him...LIKE ME!

gUys she called him bUb! THATS SO CUTE (emoji)

Nah thats def apr stunt, more obvious than shawn and camila

I don’t eleven think i’ve seen them hold hands

     Madelyn and Y/n simultaneously rolled their eyes, the blonde looking up at her best friend gave her a look that spoke “you gonna tell em or me.”

     Y/n slid down from the couch and joined her friend on the floor, getting right in front of the camera. She looked up at her loving boyfriend who was on his phone also looking at the comments on the live. He glanced down towards Y/n and gave her a small smile, telling her to go for it. It wasn’t the first time they had seen comments like this and he knew it wouldn’t be the last but he also knew that she had been dying to rant about it. 

     “Alright, I’m gonna go ahead and say this one thing, and then I’m probably going to take some time off this app.” The young actress slowly took a deep breath and then began her rant. “ Alright, first of all, my relationship with ANYONE, is between me and that person. Just because I have friends, boyfriends or family, does not mean that I have to post them on this account. I understand that it’s hard to believe that 2 people can be happy and healthy unless they showcase it to the rest of the world, but it is in fact very possible. So for everyone who is questioning, my relationship,” the girl then grabbed Drew’s hand, pulling him down to her side of the couch until he was laying on his side behind her head. “This is Drew. My boyfriend. It’s not a publicity stunt, it’s not to get the show more popular, it’s real. Outer Banks is already the number one show on Netflix, so I don’t really think there would be a point to put 2 people in a fake relationship. And another thing, I don’t even have a fucking publicist, so I don’t really know where that came from.” 

     The young girl turned her head to meet Drew’s blue eyes, he looked at her with such satisfaction and amazement. He was proud of his younger girlfriend. For years Drew thought that he would never find someone who was anti-social media like him. He thought that he was just going to have to bare his relationships getting exploited all over the world. Drew was happy that he never had to worry about that with Y/n. 

     “I completely understand why it’s confusing and how you can question our relationship. But that doesn’t mean you can drag our relationship, and me particularly, down. You have no right to say the things you do about me, just because you think that the small, tiny, look into our lives means that I don’t love and care about Drew. Like, no offense, but that’s fucking insane. I’m tired of getting private messages about my weight, my clothes, my hair, my AGE. Don’t even get me started on the age difference. Half of the fan accounts on this app are run by 13-year-olds saying very inappropriate things about a 27-year-old grown-ass man. Like yall understand that’s illegal right. Like, get it through your head that those are fantasies and no matter HOW MANY TIMES you drag ME down, they will NEVER come true. My age isn’t anyone’s business, I’m over 18 so get over it.” Y/n then let out a loud sigh. “I need a damn drink.” 

     To this Drew laughed and kissed her on the cheek, while the other cast members started to whoop and holler while applauding the young girl’s words. They too were proud other, they knew of the struggles that she went through and they knew that most of the time she kept those feelings balled up. Madelyn then grabbed the phone and said her goodbyes to the live, then ending it. 

     The blonde then wrapped her arms around her best friend. “I’m so proud of you, babe. That was so badass.”  Madison saw the interaction from across the room and ran over to join them, adding herself to the hug. 

     “It was great, sissy. You really told them who’s boss.” That last comment made Y/n laugh out loud. She was so happy to have a supporting friend and cast group that made her feel loved. She couldn’t have asked for better friends. 

     “It was pretty hot too,” Drew smirked and pulled the young girl away from the group hug and grabbed her face, and gave her a long passionate kiss, something he rarely did in front of others. “I’m proud of you bubba.”

She couldn’t have asked for better friends. 

Or a better boyfriend. 

Don't need to see it to believe it, no need to wake me up, 'cause I'm not dreamin'

     The couple was laying in their bed just enjoying each other’s presence. Limbs all spread around but managing to stay intertwined. Sunlight was seeping into the white-painted room, brightening everything up, including the pair’s mood. Drew was leaning against the headboard very lazily, running his hands through Y/n’s hair,  who was sitting in his lap, thighs down beside his knees, with her head on his chest. Drew had woken up early and tried to get the younger girl out of bed, but she refused to do so. So he decided that he would just deal with it and let her drift back off to sleep, but with a twist.

     It humored the young actor that people thought they weren’t a cuddly and touchy couple. They were absolutely a touchy couple, they just didn’t enjoy being touchy in front of others, some people not being into that and they didn’t want to make anyone feel awkward. It was more a Drew thing. He was the one who suggested they not have a lot of PDA, and while Y/n was all for PDA, she would do anything for Drew to make him happy. At the beginning of their relationship, Y/n was insecure about Drew’s real feelings because he didn’t show much love through touch, but she eventually mentioned it to him. Ever since then he always made it a point to show more affection the second they were alone. Hints their situation now. 

     Drew watched as Y/n started to stir in her sleep. She started to whine and Drew felt her chest start to move a little faster. She was having another nightmare. 

     “Shhh, shhh. You’re ok, it’s ok,” the young man started to rub her back and hold her a little tighter. He wanted the nightmare to stop but he didn’t want to ruin her sleep. “It’s just a dream. You’re ok, bubba.” Drew closed his eyes and gave a small smile when he felt her calm down, turn her head the other direction and hold onto him a little tighter. Despite what the young girl believed, Drew loved the affection that she gave him. Being the oldest of 3 kids, the boy felt like he had to grow up fast and while he knew his parents loved them all equally, he got less of the affection. He had to grow up and become a little man, help his mom prepare dinner, he and logan had to help take care of Brooke and Mackayla. He just thought that he wasn’t a fan to touch, but when it came to Y/n’s touch he couldn’t get enough of it.  

     Drew closed his eyes and relaxed his body, trying to drift off to sleep himself.  He knew he wasn’t dreaming yet, but he never wanted to leave this dream state with her. Getting to love someone like her, was something Drew never even dreamed of but now he was thankful for that. Because no dream could have lived up to the life that he gets to live with the girl that he loves.

[sabrinamichele]

2019: The Year of Love, Love Lost, and Paris

     I know it’s time. Time to finally open up and talk about what’s been happening in my life. I know that I don’t have to share, but every time I try to move past it, I continue to feel drawn to share this. I know that in sharing this, like the countless times I have shared before, I will find myself better for having opened up. So, to be clear—this is not a completely selfless act—but it doesn’t make sharing it any easier. So, I’m ready to talk about dating, about love, and the heart break that 2019 brought me. I feel strongly that I need to preface this piece with the understanding that these words, thoughts and feelings, while they are mine, I know that by sharing them I may hurt someone. My intention is not to be mean or to hurt someone, but by being so candid, and by sharing my truth, I recognize that I very well might. I think there will always be that risk, and if you are on the receiving end of that, I am sorry. With that said, I want to be as honest and real as I can, because this isn’t the space for fakeness, or for pretense. This is where real truths, even when they’re hard, come out and vulnerability is found. So, in the spirit of sharing, *takes a breath* here goes...

     While I have dated for the past five years, I have, for the most part, remained pretty mum on the details. This hasn’t been done because I didn’t want to share, but, more or less, because I frankly didn’t know how to. My dating/love life has often, in hindsight, felt like learning how to drive a car: definitely with its starts and stops, plenty of awkwardness, some wrong turns made, and so much to learn. (Yes, this analogy truly describes how dating as an adult for the first time in your thirties after being married for eleven years truly feels like. *laughs*) Needless to say, I did not know how to navigate it very well, let alone to start opening up about topics like dating, sex, love, and heartbreak. So, after five years later, I think I’m finally ready to share. To be clear—I absolutely do not have it all figured out. I am not perfect, and I definitely have made my fair share of mistakes (yup, still human). But I also finally acknowledge that that doesn’t mean I don’t have something valuable to share. I don’t know, frankly, what the sharing is going to look like, but I am ready to start. As I have with every single thing I have written here up until now, I share with the hope and intention that in doing so it might help someone else. I truly believe it’s this shared humanity—the realness and vulnerability that exists in sharing what is real in our lives, and often times hidden away—that this is so incredibly attractive, because it is so rare, and it’s also where real connection takes place. So, with that intention, I promise to be real, honest, and vulnerable as hell.

“The mark of a wild heart is living out the paradox of love in our lives. It’s the ability to be tough and tender, excited and scared, brave and afraid—all in the same moment.”

— Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness

     When I think about the past five years, and trying to navigate dating, this quote feels so incredibly true and relevant in my life. The ability to, despite everything that has happened in your life up to this moment, meet the next moment and person with fresh optimism and hope for what might be. The ever-optimistic question of, “What if?”  Trust me when I say I know all too well what it is to be equal parts excited and scared. That is where I was a little over one year ago: Trying to date...again. Despite the heartache and the disappointment, and all the frustrations that go along with online dating—I was willing to try again because, deep down, I genuinely wanted to find someone, even if all my previous attempts had failed not ended the way I had hoped. Can I just take a moment to commiserate with anyone that’s reading this (male or female) who has also felt the pain and frustration of online dating? Yes, it can suck—and yes, people can suck—so you’re not alone in having mixed feelings about it (yes, I’m making some assumptions here, but I feel safe in making them). Goodness knows that I have had enough iterations with the dating apps, both love/hate, and moments where I swear “Never again!!” With that said, I think we can all—okay, fine—most of us can agree that they are a tool, and in today’s society of disconnection, they are a very helpful tool for connecting people; so, if you can get past the crap and frustration, they can be a positive. (Notice the emphasis on can here; I didn’t say they always are! *laughs*) This is at least the reason (and justification) for their reappearance in my life last year.

     This is how I started dating again, and how I met him—the man who would become my boyfriend last year. (Trying hard to not use names here—ever.) By and large, he was the most significant event last year—significant in many ways, but I think context helps to clarify why he was a significant event in my life. To back up a bit—dating has been incredibly hard for me in the wake of my divorce—there have been many men I have “dated,” in a sense, but often times I have, in the early stages of dating been too afraid of the labels, and the commitment, to even consider calling it a relationship, let alone calling someone my “boyfriend.” Before him, I have only had two relationships I could truly classify as truly “dating,” and only one I think would agree that we were boyfriend/girlfriend—exclusive, at the very least. Trust me—so many labels, so many new hurdles to navigate—so dating him was significant in that we both jumped in rather quickly, and also fell pretty quickly for each other. It was the first person, post my ex-husband, to tell me that he loved me, and to also ask me to be his girlfriend. I’m aware that, to many, that may sound cheesy, even juvenile, but here’s the truth: despite all the hurt and frustrations I’ve had with the opposite sex—deep down, I am a romantic at heart. A romantic with an insanely big heart who wants to fall in love again. (Yeah, I just admitted that.)

     So, I fell hard. I fell in love with all the firsts: the way it felt when I was around him—it felt exactly how it had, falling when you are young—the way you get excited to hear someone’s voice over the phone for the first time, the first time they hold your hand, the first kiss, the way they look at you...we were like two kids, and it felt incredibly special. I share all of this because I think it’s important to reflect—to look back and smile knowing I got to have that again, to experience having love, and a boyfriend, again...I want to be intentional in saying that because, if you’re like me, when something like that ends, it is incredibly easy to demonize someone, to focus on only the hurts, and to forget all of the good parts. I hope that you don’t.

     Suffice it to say, we did not last. Much like a candle that burns hard and bright, then just as quickly burns out...that was how we seemed to be, unfortunately. The man I fell in love with...well, I don’t know what happened to him, honestly. All the emotion, the vulnerability, and amazing connection I felt in the beginning, just...disappeared. I felt it most acutely on our first trip away together. I had been trying to communicate with him about it, without much success—and then the night before our trip, when I tried to talk to him about it again, the message I got back was, basically, “I don’t know what to tell you. This is how it’s going to be,” In my head, what I heard was something to the effect of, “Tough shit.” I was dumbfounded. I was trying to connect with him on this lack of connection, to discover the “why,” and met with, well, nothing. It was incredibly hard hearing that as we were about to go away for our first trip together. Trying to have a romantic weekend with someone who is not emotionally connected with you, or even trying to be, well...it’s a good recipe for a disaster, which is what that weekend was. I tried to make the best of it, but I found myself reminded of how disengaged my ex was with me and it, frankly, scared the shit out of me. In hindsight I wish I had had more courage. Courage to have a real conversation on the real disconnect we were having that weekend. But it felt like every time I tried, it was like trying to talk to someone who spoke Greek, and there was no place for understanding or vulnerability there. I came back not really knowing how to proceed, but knowing we definitely still needed to talk about it. After I made multiple attempts to initiate talking about it with him, I was met with only short texts back, and several blow offs instead of actually talking to me in the week following our trip. I felt miserable, sick to my stomach, and only an escalating sense of desperation to have this awful feeling end. I felt like I had been taken to this incredible high in our relationship, to then be dropped off the edge of an emotional cliff. Without a partner willing to communicate, who literally just disappeared after an uncomfortable first weekend away, I just felt desperate to have my pain end. Less than a week from my birthday, desperate to do what I thought was best, I ended it—after which I promptly bawled my eyes out. (Yeah. I’m being painfully honest here.) In hindsight, I can see that we weren’t meant to be, but the truth is, it, and he, still meant a lot to me. I have had well-meaning girlfriends even try to convince me that I didn’t actually love him, “No, not really.” Well I am here to say that I did love him, and that I don’t regret it. Any of it. As hard as that breakup was for me, I will always be grateful for loving him. I will always be grateful to have him show me what it should really look like...even if it didn’t last. To have someone show you that you are worthy of pursuing, worthy of going on romantic dates with, worthy of romance, and, ultimately, worthy of love...I am honestly grateful for all of it.

     With all of that said, the end of “us” left me in a very dark place for a time. I felt betrayed and I felt rejected. Rejection’s sting is something I am far, far too familiar with these past five years, but it always hurts more when I’ve invested more. I am not necessarily proud of how I chose to handle my hurt and pain this time, but I embraced that I was in a “dark and twisty place,” as I called it, and I set my intentions with men accordingly. I didn’t want anything more than something of a casual nature, which suited my needs, and my heart, just fine during this time. I don’t look back and applaud this; it was simply the way I chose to handle the hurt I was feeling at the time, and I want to be honest about that.

     If you’re still reading, I applaud you. My dating/love life is not for the faint of heart or those only inclined to read short stories. Without further ado, this is when someone new came into my life. I feel the need to pause and say that I do feel badly—he met me smack dab in the beginning of my “dark and twisty” phase—right as I had intended to not be with anyone in a romantic way, is when he met me. I told him as much the night we met, but the message still got filtered a bit through the lens of someone who I think, deep down, was hopeful for more. He and I were not friends, per se, but we were also not dating—because I was not interested in dating anyone in the dark place I was currently in—but I also found the previously used label of “friends with benefits” didn’t quite seem to fit either, so we found a label we could both agree upon, which was “lovers.” And we honestly enjoyed as much time as we could with each other in this space. For me, it was exactly what I needed in that moment. We enjoyed each other’s company, and we enjoyed many of the same things; we found a safety with each other—both in the sharing of our past, but also simply just by being together. I recognize this title implicitly says more than I ever have shared before about a relationship, and I’m okay with that. I am thirty-six years old and incredibly tired of living in the fear of talking about or not talking about sex. I was married eleven years, so I think it’s safe to say I am aware of what sex is—and it’s something I still engage in to this day. *laughing* I know that by sharing this, there will be some of my family/friends who are probably disappointed, but frankly? I’m not interested in filtering my writing anymore for fear of what you, or others may think (or not think). Enough said.

     I am a firm believer that people come in and out of our lives for a reason. With that said, I genuinely believe I was meant to have this man in my life. Even if it was unconventional and didn’t look like other relationships—it was still meaningful, even it if wasn’t meant to be for forever. I was very up front and honest with him about where I was at, day one, but it doesn’t mean that feelings didn’t get involved. If I’ve learned anything in my years of dating—it’s that it’s incredibly easy and natural for emotions and feelings to get involved where sex is concerned. I think we both knew that this was always a possibility, and we were both very honest with each other about what that would mean. I knew he was potentially moving out of the area soon, so it felt safe. Safe to let my guard down; safe to just be me; safe also because it was just so easy to be around him. But, with all of that said, I never felt that way about him. Even when I found feelings creeping in, I pushed them down not wanting to go there—we weren't supposed to go there, right? But, before I knew it, we were facing a point of no return—I had agreed to go out of state to a wedding as his plus one—and subsequently had made plans to go to Paris the day after we were to get back. The trip was going great, but somehow, without really seeing it coming, I found myself hearing him tell me that he was falling in love with me, and that he needed more. My heart ached in that moment. My heart ached because I knew I couldn’t say the words he would have liked to hear me say next, and that I couldn’t give him more. I have never taken those words lightly, and I didn’t then either.  The next day we flew back, and I had to face one of the hardest goodbyes I have ever had. It was hard because not only was it over, but I was also losing a friend—he couldn’t stay friends with me—and we had truly become close over those few months—my heart ached knowing I was losing that, but also for all the unspoken words I felt between us in that moment, “I’m sorry I can’t give you more. I’m sorry you met me here, in this dark place I’m at right now. I’m sorry I am not where you are at, at least not today.” So, I said goodbye, and I flew to Paris two days later.

     So, Paris. I flew to Paris, kind of spontaneously, with a man I had dated earlier in the year, and who I really liked. If I’m being honest, he was someone I had hoped (deep down) to have something more with someday. In hindsight it all feels like it was wishful thinking, but, at the time, I couldn’t help but feel excited and hopeful. A handsome man who I was interested in had invited me to join him in Paris and, on a whim, I had decided to say yes. I mean, how do you say no to that? Our first date was one of the most romantic I’ve ever been on, honestly. I was about to go to Paris for the first time earlier in the year and he had invited me to a French themed charity dinner, and the night ended with slow dancing (yes—slow dancing) in his living room. I know, it all sounds a bit hard to believe, maybe even a little nonsensical, but I genuinely believe that a big part of love is truly that—nonsensical. So, seven months later, I went to Paris for a second time, but this time, with him. I went to Paris, and I tried hard to keep my expectations in check, but it was hard for me to not find myself hopeful...for a spark, for more... I do not want to dwell on the details, but I will say that my overwhelming feeling from this trip was one of disappointment. I know that it’s not fair to compare, but for me, there was no way I couldn’t not compare them, having both trips so close in proximity to one another. While one man was so incredibly attentive, emotionally connected, and engaged—the other was the exact opposite. Perhaps, not at first...but as the trip went on, I was incredibly aware of it. It makes me sad, in hindsight—I was in one of the most beautiful cities in the world, and I felt more alone than ever being there with him. I felt like he didn’t emotionally connect with me most of our time together, which was a little surprising, but also left me at a bit of a loss, as I’m incredibly empathic to the people I’m around. I often felt a bit like I was walking around on eggshells being with him, unsure how to “just be” around him. It was not romantic. It was not about me. And my heart turned in on itself with the juxtaposition it found between my travel companions. I had hoped, foolishly so, to fall in love in Paris, and instead I was with someone who I realized was still in love someone else. I don’t say all of this to be hurtful, but to simply be honest. It was a painful and incredibly emotional week for me.

     But, somehow, even after all of this, my emotional week wasn’t complete. There was more waiting for me. Sitting in the Paris airport, waiting to come home, I was sitting next to my travel companion, filling the time while we waited to board the plane by mindlessly scrolling through Instagram when my eyes caught on two words, a name. His name. A man I have written about here before—the first man I fell in love with after my ex-husband. My brain was still registering seeing these two words again as my brain finally assimilated what it was I was seeing. It was a picture of the man I had fallen in love with proposing. My heart dropped. I sat there in shock, absorbing these pictures, these words—then I quickly closed the app—my brain’s obvious attempt at self-preservation. I sat there for about ten minutes before finally starting to cry—my partner sitting next to me completely oblivious to my tears or my pain. I have been asked, since then, why I cried...and it still baffles me how anyone could ask me “why?” But I will try to convey to you the “why,” even if it’s completely irrelevant.

     I cried because the man I fell in love with was proposing to someone else. I cried because he was, in every single way, exactly what I wanted—at least in that moment of my life. And even though I can look back on us and see just how much he didn’t deserve the love I had for him, it is irrelevant to the simple fact that I did...love him. I loved him in a way that I have never known before...connected with him in a way I had never known before. I cried because this hurt me—seeing this, as it should. But it was also necessary. I knew this was the moment I had to let it all go. To finally, somehow, find a way to forgive him—to let go of all the pain that had been inside me for far too long. That is one thing I will always be very grateful for. To the man that I would call my boyfriend, and the man I would call my lover—I realized just how much pain I had been living with, not just from my breakup, but from the men I had loved, but who, ultimately, hadn’t been right for me. I finally recognized this in moments I had been with my friend, my lover, and he would be asking me simple questions, and I would be reduced to tears in a matter of moments. It was embarrassing, but he also never made me feel bad or ashamed for it. I also had a moment of clarity, a few months later, in a conversation with my last boyfriend, finally talking about our breakup and how much his actions had hurt me. He said to me, “Don’t let me be the cause of your pain.” Those words resonated with me because of just how true they were for me. While I had done such a good job of not letting my divorce not define my life, to keep me from moving on and dating again, I had allowed these men, each heartbreak, to carry on in my heart—each hurt still there, right beneath the surface. I realized then and there I owed it to myself to finally forgive them, and to move on.

     While I haven’t figured it all out exactly since then (read: I’m still figuring so much out in this crazy life, especially now), I am proud to say that I came back from Paris and I finally forgave the man who broke my heart more than most. In writing this, I recognize that there is still room for forgiveness, for letting go, which I completely acknowledge. I am not perfect, and I’m still figuring this life out as I go, but I’m also incredibly proud of just how far I have come.

     I have loved, deeply. I have had my heart broken, and, sadly, I have hurt some hearts along the way. I am here, sharing this, to hopefully normalize that dating may not look the way you expect it to—it may be messy and unconventional—and you may make some mistakes (or a lot), and you may have your heart broken...but here’s also a beautiful truth: you get to decide what happens next. You.

So, in this moment, I am creating something new and I am trying to have a wild heart in dating. I am both hopeful, excited and scared...but above all, ready. I know what I bring, and I also know what I want. Dating is hard, but it’s also so much harder if you’re not ready.

When I wrote these words, almost a year ago now, I was in such a different place. I was actually ready to try to start dating again. Unfortunately, this year has not been the year for trying to date, at all. It’s been incredibly hard trying to pick this piece back up, to try and talk about something that’s happened so long ago now, but I also feel like I needed to. To give these words voice, even if I find myself in a space where I’m not optimistic about love or dating, as I was earlier in the year, pre-global pandemic. With that said, I still want to write about love. I still want to talk about what dating has taught me, even as I find myself in a particularly weird year for it.

With that said, the best advice I can offer, for the years of dating I have experienced, is this:

•    Know who you are, but also be comfortable, just as you are. You don’t need anyone to complete you or to make you happy. Trying to have someone fill this role won’t make you happy, ultimately.

•    Know that it’s okay to want someone—but not to “need” them to feel okay. You have to be okay, just you. You also have to love you, first, before anyone else can love you. Any attempts to shortcut this will leave you disappointed.

•    Try really hard to not grasp for someone or something, or to chase someone who has left of their own accord. I’ve had to learn this the hard way, and sometimes I’ve needed to be reminded, but it is a powerful truth. If they want to talk to you, they will. If they want to see you, they will ask. Try to not read between lines that aren’t there. Sometimes it really is that simple. You deserve someone that pursues you. Pure and simple.

•    Be honest and be kind. I think I’ve said this very yearly on in my writing, but it begs repeating. It does no one a service to tell them what you think they want to hear, let alone yourself. Always be honest (even when it is hard). And try to do so with kindness. Enough said.

•    Grace. If I had to leave you with one word, it would be this one. Have grace, and not just for others, but also for yourself. I know, for me, I need to have equal parts grace, both for others and for myself. It is so easy to allow my expectations of myself and others to put people on a pedestal. Pedestals are unrealistic, though, and people aren’t meant to be on them. Have grace for when people disappoint you, or for when you disappoint yourself. This beautiful adventure is called life. It’s going to surprise you and challenge you—and it’s not going to look how you had expected it to—ever! And that’s okay. Get comfortable in the uncomfortable—the not knowing.

     With all of that said, I end this post a little differently than pre-pandemic Sabrina would have. I always feel like I have to end things on a positive note. Maybe it’s because I’m a sucker for happy endings and naturally want there to be one. Pre-pandemic Sabrina ended this so full of hope, excited for a year full of as of yet unknowns and adventures. While this year has definitely held quite a few surprises, not all of which were bad, more than ever this year has tested us all and pushed us to many of our breaking points. I wish I could share something incredibly positive, something uplifting, or something exciting, but I’m afraid I just don’t have it. I think in the absence of that, the one positive this new space has left in my life right now is time to reflect, time to sit in the space created, just me. I’m getting comfortable, really comfortable, with just being me. It’s not easy, especially as I crave connection and companionship, but I also know, deep down, just how necessary it is. In this vacuum of time and space this pandemic has created, I’m learning how to truly love me, to learn the wounds I have yet to heal, and—probably the hardest yet—how to finally let go of not having a romantic relationship. It’s hard, and it can be scary, but I think it’s exactly where I’m supposed to be. As scary as “giving up” has felt for me, I feel only stronger in who I am for having finally done it. I’m not giving up forever. But I am—for now. And I’m okay with that. In letting go, I feel that I have found the strength within me to face this, but also a feeling of peace about it. I genuinely don’t know what this next year will bring, BUT I can confidently say a stronger Sabrina will be here to face it. And for that, I am grateful.

[angelsonthesideline]

Tales from the Ex-Crypts Vol. 6

When I met the man who would waste my 20's, I was freshly moved out of my abusive/addict home and I will always feel that contributed to me being able to be sucked into his narcissistic web of manipulation, gaslighting, and abuse. The distance between us also made it very easy for him to do/get away with whatever he wanted...

The first 4 years of our "relationship" was very on and off.. he was massively hung up on his ex and she was constantly popping in to make sure she could still just wrap him back around her little finger. He would just disappear during those times, and then call me when she would fuck off again. I don't know why I went back, except he had some kind of hold over me, perhaps it was the comfortable/known factor. In those 'off' times are when I dated others.

So much happens in the span of so many years.. and crazy enough.. there aren't that many "stand out" moments, because the abuse was so normal..

He was very controlling, and expected me to call if I said I'd be home around a certain time. I remember one day, while living in the city and using transit, that I said I'd be home around a certain time. It was literally 4 minutes after the time I said, and he called me demanding where I was because I said I'd be home by then. I was walking across the street from the bus stop to my apartment building.

He was also very jealous/possessive, but as a girl who has almost always been "one of the guys", I have a lot of male friends. He was not super jealous of my friends, but he would get insanely jealous of men online (we gamed together, he got me into PC gaming, and WoW especially). I was not allowed to hang out with/make friends with/talk to other men in game. I still made some amazing friends (who are still friends now). He was also fond of shaming/embarrassing/belittling me in front of others, or showing his ownership or whatever. He would openly treat me like shit, but if anyone else ever said anything even slightly negative or criticizing about me, he would rip them to shreds. One girl in his guild, after witnessing his treatment of me over Ventrillo (a voice program many gamers used back in the day, now it's mainly Discord) and who stupidly had a crush on him, decided to rip on me to him. I'm guessing she read him wrong and thought his treatment of me was because he wasn't happy with me, or didn't love me. He destroyed her so badly, she quit the guild and left the server. He was the asshole that women flocked to and fawned over, and I couldn't even say I was any fucking different. That "bad boy" aura sucked many in.

He was jealous/possessive because he was always cheating on me, with the distance, he was easily able to. The stupid thing was, that he'd brag about it to our guildmates while I was at work/offline. Probably part of why he didn't want me making friends within the guild as well. I don't think he realized this is what made a lot of those who became friends to reach out to me. They were being kind to the kicked puppy.

Most of the shit treatment happened in the last 4.5 years of our relationship, without the "off" times of the first 4 years. But most of the really great times we had together happened during that time too. He could be amazing and sweet and funny... and even with distance, we did spend 4-6 hours talking/hanging out daily.. more than most of my friends who got to see their boyfriends regularly.

The final straw for me, after all of the years of distance, and not moving to the next level with excuse after excuse, was that my sister was getting married and he refused to come to the wedding with me. I was just done at that point, and ended things.

He lost his mind, I don't think he ever expected me to leave, but I just needed to get to a point where I loved myself more than I loved him. The one benefit of the long distance relationship was that my life really didn't change after the relationship ended, minus the hole left where he used to fill my time/thoughts.

Unfortunately, his father passed away within days of my ending things. It was sudden, a heart attack during a blizzard that prevented the ambulance from getting to him in time. He was only in his 50's. My ex was devastated, understandably. He called me 30+ times and I thought he was just being a rage monster so didn't answer. I finally listened to my voicemail(s) and he was bawling in them. This is a man I knew never cried, so I immediately called him. His mother answered, she was at his place to try to comfort him, and he was a mess when he got on the phone. He wanted us to get back together because of his loss. I am sure that the double whammy of our break up and the loss of his father within days of each other was overwhelming, but I told him it was the wrong reason to get back together. I also told him I would be there however he needed as a friend, but he insisted it was the perfect reason to get back together. I told him it wouldn't fix any of the reasons we broke up, and without those things addressed, then there was no reason to get back together and have it work. He hung up on me, because I didn't give him what he wanted and he was hurting. I never blamed him, but stuck to my requirements. I told him over and over that if he wanted me back, he would make his actions meet his words, and drive to my place, knock on my door and sit down and talk like two fucking adults and sort our shit out. That was the ONLY way I would consider getting back together. He never did.

We tried to be friends after the break up, it took us 3 years to achieve it. For the first three years, he would rage whenever it became clear he had zero control over me and not talk to me for weeks/months and then come back.

We then had a great friendship for years after he finally got past that (and got a new gf). We no longer have that friendship though, as he is absolutely insane. He is obsessed with sending voice messages instead of typing/texting. Over the years he had gotten me to get numerous different apps to do so. I deleted most of them because they didn't detect my soft voice so I couldn't respond and it was useless. I have an iphone, he had an iphone, he could send me voice messages that way, but would have to wait for responses until I had time to listen to them (usually after I got home from work) and then would get miserable that I wouldn't respond right away, even though we were just friends at this point.

The last app he asked me to get was Telegram. I hate this app, it is not user friendly and it didn't work well for my non-neurotypical brain to function with. I deleted it almost immediately, told him it made me want to punch babies. He lost his mind over me not liking an app, to the point you'd think it was HIS app that he created. Fast-forward to about a year and a half ago. I had forgotten about the stupid app, started talking to some guy on a dating app who asked if I had it, I said no, they asked me to get it so I did... and then immediately remembered it was the app I hated as soon as I opened it. My ex noticed in the 30 minutes max that I had it installed and messaged me, I responded and said "I'm deleting it again, don't get used to me using it" and deleted it.

He left me 4 raging voice messages on iMsg that were each over 3 minutes long about how I was such an absolutely horrible human (I listened to the first 20-30 seconds of the first message and then deleted the message thread) because of an APP. I was the crazy one because I didn't like an app, and somehow that made me a bad human?? Yeah... sure buddy.. pretty sure it's not normal to get that mad over someone not liking an app (especially when I had deleted many over the years). No idea why he is so obsessed and in love with that app, but we have since deleted every contact with each other and have not spoken since December 2019.

[resilientdolan]

i’ve been feeling like complete shit lately, and it’s driving me insane. yeah, post-grad shit and my job really fuck me up that i’ve spent few days feeling tense asf because i don’t understand anything in class, and also be having a lot of students’ work to grade. it seems like every thing pisses me off that i get mad at simple things. also, i’ve been abandoning my e-mails and texts/whatsapp messages i’ve been receiving lately because i feel like i’m just mentally drained and i have no energy left. guess i’m literally having ✨ mental breakdown ✨

also, i deleted the instagram app earlier and now i have nothing to do other than going here (or to text @bingexdolan or @grantsairforce) when i’m on my phone. lmao.

i just wanna feel okay again, damn.

[boydgearloose]

A Very Long and Very Convoluted Gyro Gearloose Season 3 Theory

Hey everyone! Either by sheer impatience from the hiatus or genuine brainpower or maybe a mix of both, I’ve pieced together a really long, convoluted theory for season 3. It still has a few holes but I don’t think they’re anything that could be filled in until we have a lot more information, so I’m not too worried about that. As expected, it’s very Gyro-centric and started because I was thinking too hard about one thing in particular. I’m really not expecting anyone to read this but without further ado, let’s get to that thing first!

Who will Gyro interact with the most in season 3?

That’s the question that REALLY started to make me think.

This was a huge shock to me, especially since I thought Gyro would be interacting with Fenton the most in season 3 by what we do know. The “spoilers” made me think that it would be someone we haven’t met yet but then, it was revealed that this character has already been in the show. I started to go over the options in my head because there really aren’t many that make sense.

I don’t believe it’s a character that Gyro’s already interacted with a lot, like Fenton, Lil Bulb, Manny, Scrooge or even Huey. Frank probably would have been able to say that since it’s something we’re all expecting. Therefore, it’s either someone he’s either never interacted with or someone he’s interacted with a little but not a lot. I find it unlikely that it’s another character who already has prior commitments in season 3 (Gandra has Fenton, Beakley has Black Heron, etc.) and I doubt it’s any of the kids if it’s not Huey because Frank said Gyro gets along with Huey the best.

It could be Della but while I would love to see her interact with Gyro, I doubt they’d interact more than him and Fenton. Same with Fethry. I’ve seen Ludwig brought up since him and Gyro are both scientists and that would also be great, but I’m not sure how that would work out. I know Ludwig could be alive but I feel like he’s much more connected to the Scrooge and Beakley FOWL arc than to Gyro. There’s also Bradford and the other FOWL agents we’ve met so far. However, like Ludwig, I feel like they’re already all accounted for. Bradford is Scrooge’s villain, Steelbeak is likely a Darkwing villain, Rockerduck and Jeeves are also Scrooge villains (maybe Goldie or even Glomgold) and Black Heron is a Beakley villain. The only one not accounted for so far is Phantom Blot, but I find it more likely that he’ll be paired with someone like Duckworth (given the whole “blot out phantoms” thing Frank talked about) or even Goofy, which I see as the most likely for him but that’s another theory post to be made.

Then who is it?

Unfortunately, many won’t really like the answer I’ve come up with and I’m concerned about it too as this post will explain but it seems to be the most likely. Gyro will probably interact with Mark Beaks the most in season 3. Out of all the characters, he’s the only one that fits everything. He’s had ties to Gyro before but not enough for the answer to not be a spoiler, it wouldn’t be super out of left field for them to have a lot of interaction and Mark doesn’t really have any prior commitments that aren’t tied to Gyro. There’s Fenton, sure, but Frank said he interacts with Darkwing and Gandra the most so it almost seems like Mark’s taking a backburner when it comes to him (thank god honestly).

Upon this realization, I began to reflect on something Frank said a while back that we haven’t really seen a lot of.

Of course, Mark is a Gizmoduck villain. But why was Gyro specified here? I wouldn’t call Mark a Gyro villain at this point in the show, yet it seems to be implied that he’s just as much of a villain to Gyro as he is to Gizmoduck. Then I started wondering if this might refer to stuff we haven’t seen yet.

Something Frank said in the #RewriteHistory thread kind of points toward this as well. He called Mark’s rivalry with Fenton a “happy accident,” meaning that it wasn’t something that was planned initially and that he’d expand on that later.

The thread hasn’t gotten to Dangerous Chemistry yet, but there hasn’t even been anything of the sort about how that happened in the rundowns for BUDDY System and Who Is Gizmoduck so I honestly believe the “later” here means after season 3 or at least certain episodes. In that case, if Mark wasn’t meant to be a Gizmoduck villain, then why was he created in the first place? He’s 100% a Ducktales original and doesn’t really serve much of a purpose right now outside of his rivalry with Gizmoduck. Therefore, I believe he was initially created to rival Gyro.

Also, Mark has been tied to Gyro in some pretty interesting ways. There was the part in Glomtales, while I know it was mostly a joke, where he was eager to fight Gyro. And it really wouldn’t have been that hard to have them interact in the episode. So why wasn’t Gyro there? Could it be building up to more? It’s also worth noting that Mark’s technology only works when it’s linked up to something Gyro created. We saw this with BUDDY, the thing he put on the Gizmoduck suit, his app for hacking Gyro’s security system and possibly even Boyd which Frank said would also be explored in season 3. Of course, this could be from the stolen blueprints he got from the message board but I think it’s still worth noting.

So, how do they interact in season 3? That’s what I’m here to explain.

Gyro’s Treatment of Fenton

One big thing that Frank has hinted at being explained in the future is why Gyro treats Fenton the way he does.

This hasn’t been explored at all but seeing that Gyro is getting focus this season, I think it’s finally time. I’ve always wondered exactly what his problems with Fenton were because there seems to be a lot more there than just annoyance. For starters, Gyro is very sensitive to having his information stolen or tampered with by anyone, especially Fenton. We see this a lot in BUDDY System and Who Is Gizmoduck when Fenton tries to use the Gizmoduck armor. He even wanted to destroy the Gizmoduck armor entirely, something he worked VERY hard on, just so it wouldn’t “fall into the wrong hands.” This is definitely a reaction based on experience.

Speaking of BUDDY System, he seems to have an idea that Mark is using his tech right off the bat. As soon as Dewey tells him that Mark made BUDDY, he reacts with a lot of rage and confusion. Fenton mentions that Gyro has been stressed trying to figure out how Mark beat him to the self-driving car. He also showed up to the presentation even though he wasn’t invited. Plus, Mark made that one cut-out of him. You know the one. These two are very familiar with each other.

Gyro also seems to dislike having an intern. This could be brushed off as him just not being a people person but paired with everything else, I think it’s worth noting. Putting this all together, it seems as if he had a bad experience with both having his technology stolen and having an assistant.

Remember FOWL Gyro?

Yeah, that one theory my friend @bluebiirdys​ came up with and I wrote out a long time ago that got insanely popular. I want to bring it up for a bit and talk about how it connects to this as well. If any of the season 1 villains have ties to FOWL, it’s Mark. His relationship with Gandra seemed very familiar. Although she doesn’t like him (who would?), their interactions really felt like they know each other past her using him for funding and resources. He also referred to her as “Agent D,” which feels like an inside name. And when Gandra claims she was only using him, she pauses beforehand and seems unsure of what she’s about to say. Seeing that she hid a lot of things from Fenton and made up other stuff in that scene, it wouldn’t be a surprise if she also hid how she knows Mark. Also, Mark wouldn’t have been able to hire an agent if he didn’t have some kind of ties to FOWL itself. They’re a super lowkey organization that I feel like a lot of people aren’t aware of.

While I don’t feel like Mark is really an agent in the same way that Gandra is, he definitely works for or alongside FOWL and probably has been doing so for a long time. There’s a big chance that they could be the reason why he’s so popular and maintains that despite literally everything awful he does. Frank even said he’s not still rich, so where is he getting the money to keep his company going? Waddle itself could be some kind of inside job but again, that feels like a theory for another day. This is about Gyro.

If Gyro worked for FOWL and Mark is currently working for FOWL, they could have very well known each other during his time there. Frank said that Gyro is younger than Donald and Della, who are both confirmed to be 36. If we’re going off of what’s presumed to be his birth year in Mark’s username, Mark would currently be 30. This means that Gyro is rather close to his age, maybe one or two years older. They very well could have known each other. And I can’t see Mark being that much older than Fenton. Therefore, they probably have about the same age difference.

This brings us to the main point of this post: I believe that Mark was Gyro’s assistant when he worked at FOWL and betrayed him during their time together. How does this work? Well, I have a small idea. Again, this does have a few holes in it that can’t be filled until we have a lot more information on season 3, but I’ve come up with a bare minimum.

I still feel like Gyro worked for FOWL pretty much his whole life. While he definitely had mentors there, it was never a very loving environment for him. Therefore, he’s been pretty starved for any kind of friendship and isolated. Similarly, Mark was probably a total loser at this age and also didn’t grow up in a good environment by what we’ve seen, including these asks.

Plus, we all know about the “Coach Dad” thing. If Mark’s home life was really that bad, I can see him running away at a young age, maybe around 18. He is a very impulsive person so this wouldn’t be out of character. Going off of what we know about Gandra, it seems that FOWL tries to recruit younger people with an interest in inventing who feel misunderstood. Mark is this to a T. He would definitely join FOWL in a heartbeat.

Since he would have been relatively young, he probably would have been assigned to help someone else. That someone could be slightly older by a year or two and a person who has worked there for a long time. Gyro would be the perfect fit. And going off of what we do know about Mark, I can imagine a younger and not-as-awful-yet version of him being similar to Fenton: overly talkative, into everything Gyro is doing, enthusiastic, etc. This could be where Gyro’s distaste of Fenton comes from.

Mark also shares some common ground with Gyro in a way that I can easily see them hitting it off. He’d be the first person Gyro would really have a chance to connect with, someone to share his work with and just talk to. On the other side, Gyro is the first person to give Mark his undivided attention and make him feel wanted. They would probably form a pretty closely knit friendship. Then, what happened? What would ruin such a bond? If you don’t know the answer already, it’s definitely Mark’s arrogance and need for attention.

His greatest downfall throughout the series has been how badly he needs attention from other people to thrive. Frank has even hinted that he’ll never be satisfied until he has some kind of place in the spotlight.

Therefore, Gyro had to make him feel lesser and divert his attention to something else. That something else could be a big project that he was assigned to work on. The more he works on this, the less time he has to spend with Mark who now considers him a very close friend. This makes Mark feel like he isn’t getting enough attention and in turn, he starts to secretly resent Gyro and realize that he has a much higher status than him at FOWL. He will start to long to move up in rank more than he will long for Gyro’s attention. Like Frank said, nothing can fill his needs for long and he always wants more.

So what would Gyro be working on during this? Well, FOWL does seem to have some pretty sinister plans for this season. It’s likely they could have assigned Gyro to make some sort of doomsday device that would cause destruction so large and awful, that a big part of Duckburg or even the planet would be destroyed. I’m not sure if it’s related but see my very small and poorly put-together Chaos God theory. It could be something to do with that, but for now we’ll just refer to it as the “doomsday device.”

Gyro doesn’t really know exactly what he’s making or at least doesn’t understand the consequences of it fully until one day when he overhears the higher-ups discussing something about it. This terrifies him and really makes him realize what’s going to happen if he finishes building this thing. In a panic, Gyro will decide to defect from FOWL. He wants to run away and leave no trace of himself there and make his own life somewhere else, finding a mundane inventing job that won’t have him invent something that could wipe out the entire world. However, he’s not going to leave his close friend behind. Gyro confides in Mark about everything he knows as well as his plans, wanting him to go with him. Mark agrees that they’ll leave in a few days and everything seems as okay as it can be…that is, until Gyro wakes up the next morning to find that Mark ratted his plans out to the higher-ups because he knew it would get him Gyro’s status in FOWL since he’s his assistant.

Devastated and hurt and in so much danger, Gyro manages to run away on his own and escape. He also manages to take a vital part of the machine that he created with him, hoping that it will stop them from going forth with whatever destruction they planned to cause. After fleeing, Gyro finds Scrooge, gets hired by him, everything goes as normal. But he always has that one part of the machine hidden away somewhere in his lab and wonders if anyone will ever try to steal it. He starts to get suspicious when he sees how popular Mark is becoming, yet knows he can’t say anything to anyone or else it’ll be known that he created this awful thing. Gyro lives in fear of Mark telling everyone too, especially since he has such a high following or worse, coming after the part of the machine that he took with him. But for now, he’s safe…

Nah. Of course he isn’t. That machine’s definitely gonna come back in season 3 if all of this is true, let’s be real. Frank called the Gyro episode in season 3 massive.

That means it’s going to affect more than just Gyro. So how?

Let’s go back for a bit to Dangerous Chemistry. There’s a big part of it that remains vague to this day: what exactly were Gandra and Mark planning to do? MegaBeaks wasn’t supposed to happen. Mark was only supposed to get a little jacked but even then, he wouldn’t have been able to have that much power over Fenton. Plus, Gandra was pissed when he hulked out, tried to kill Fenton and ran away with the kids yet she still seemed determine to let him get away, shocking Gizmoduck so he could continue as if it were part of the plan all along. She also got rid of Gyro. Funny how he was unconscious throughout the entire episode, as if him being there and fully aware of what was going on would have caused a plot hole. As mentioned in the Gyro FOWL theory post, he seemed to know what was going on too but couldn’t outright say so without telling people his secret.

My main confusion comes from what Gandra says while shocking MegaBeaks near the end of the episode about how hurting Fenton wasn’t part of their plan. If they wanted to steal the Gizmoduck suit, then wouldn’t they have to hurt Fenton? How could they have possibly gotten away with it without doing that? When you really look at it, the plan doesn’t seem to be about Gizmoduck at all. Instead, Gandra wanted to distract Gizmoduck, not hurt him. Mark just got power hungry and basically ruined everything.

Then what was the plan? Well, another thing worth noting is that Gandra knew the lab she was going to. If she knew Mark and his information on Fenton, she knew it wasn’t his lab but Gyro’s instead. She also wanted Fenton to show her everything in the lab and kept urging him to show her his work. It really seemed like she was looking for something and trying to get as much information about where that thing was until her and Mark were able to get both Gyro and Fenton out of the picture. There was also the moment where she peaked under the lampshade to get a look at Lil Bulb, which was very cute but also more proof of her checking out every inch of Gyro’s lab and technology.

Gandra was there for something but we don’t know what. It could very well be the part of the machine that Gyro created while he was at FOWL. They’re planning to reactivate it in order to stop the McDuck family once and for all. They just need that one piece. As Frank said, Bradford has been plotting for a long time and now, he’s finally going into action to put together his final plan.

So…will they get it?

This is very up in the air but I will give you my two cents. Since Frank described the Gyro episode as massive, I’m expecting something related to the overall plot in it as well as his backstory. The plot of season 3 is definitely related to FOWL, as well all know. Therefore, I think they’re going to get the piece he has back in that episode, completing all they need to activate the machine. But…how?

Let’s go back to how Gyro treats Fenton. Assuming that he does this because he reminds him of his past experiences with Mark, it’s clear that Gyro feels guilt over what happened. He probably feels like he failed Mark despite everything and part of him wants to reach out again. It’s really hard to watch your first friend turn into such an awful person and Gyro knows more about Mark than literally anyone else, probably some pretty upsetting stuff that makes him want to fix everything he thinks he caused.

That being said, Mark is very good at manipulation. Let’s say Gyro had a chance to reach out to his old assistant, someone he feels like he’s wronged, one more time and let him know how wonderful it feels to be free of FOWL and to have a family and make him understand that he’s being used, bound to face the same consequences as the ones FOWL are against once they’re done with their plans. For a second, it looks like Mark is listening to him…but he’s not going to change. He’s way too far gone and it’s not Gyro’s fault at all. But I don’t think Gyro will ever realize this until the part of the machine is in Mark’s hands. I wouldn’t be surprised if he used him one last time to get what he needed for what he sees as positive attention.

Wow, this got long. Anyway, that’s about all I have so far. I’m sure I’ll think of a lot of other stuff before season 3 actually airs and if I have another realization, I’ll probably add onto this. But this is enough. I hope you all enjoyed reading this (if anyone even did LOL) and have it be known that this will be all I’m able to think about until the hiatus ends.

[wolfliving]

The IoT as a failure in the plague trough

Stacey Higginbotham:

2020 was a year of reckoning for the IoT The biggest IoT story of 2020 was how much the internet of things struggled. From VentureBeat's deep-dive into Sigfox's challenges to the Wall Street Journal's story on Cisco's decision to end its smart city product, it felt like the media was writing from the bottom of Gartner's trough of disillusionment. As an example, several stories cited Gartner's IoT prediction from 2015 that there would be 25 billion IoT devices by 2020. The actual number of connected devices? About 5.8 billion. So has the IoT hit a wall? I don't think so. Instead, what we're seeing is the result of numerous impediments to the widescale adoption of an essential technology. It's not that IoT has hit a wall; rather, tech companies responsible for developing and selling the technology have been tapping the brakes as they find ways to create closed tracks where their products can run in isolation, ensuring vendor control and profits. — Deploying the infrastructure needed for the internet of things to work is still hard. And according to BCG, companies aren't succeeding at that deployment. The internet of things isn't a market; it's an enabling infrastructure that companies, cities, and individuals need to put in place in order to take advantage of the insights generated by all the data those connected "things" provide. It's like how we needed more PCs, both at work and in the home, before the internet became appealing. And how beyond those PCs we needed applications that made people want to sign up for broadband and buy those computers in the first place. Luckily we had email, and then browsers. The beauty of the original broadband and PC revolution was that established protocols made it possible to send emails to anyone, even people who used different email applications or different computers. That meant people could invest in hardware and a network without worrying about getting locked into only using certain software on certain machines. After all, it would have been nearly impossible to convince someone to spend $40 a month (in 1996) for dial-up and between $5,000 and $6,000 in today's dollars to buy a computer if they were also worried that they might pick a machine that couldn't access the world wide web or display emails from their friends.   Of course, making a simple video call or IMing someone now requires a conversation about logistics that could drive any reasonable person insane. And I mean that literally. Figuring out on which platform to use to connect with my family for Christmas involved an exchange of text messages in which I had to note that not everyone has FaceTime, then tracking down the one family member with a Zoom account after it was explained to me that no one has Skype on their machines in 2020 — all before we could even settle on a call time. The point isn't to bemoan the web's current walled gardens (OK that might be part of it), but to demonstrate that neither computers nor the web started out fragmented, with high costs of entry and walled gardens. The internet of things, on the other hand, has gone down the same path as videoconferencing in 2020 — only it's even more complicated. There are numerous types of data-gathering devices, multiple networks, and thousands of use cases, and everyone expects returns on them RIGHT NOW. The internet of things is a platform. It's basic infrastructure. When we get it right we'll know because we won't be writing about it as some actual thing. Like broadband, like the mobile web, and even like roads, we'll take it for granted and build the software and services that provide the real value on top of the sensors, networks, and underlying protocols. What's stopped us from getting it right so far is greed, namely resistance to investment in infrastructure that creates benefits for what might be low margins. Moreover, I think businesses and consumers are still struggling to understand what the IoT is for, exactly. Businesses that can articulate the benefits (such as of those so-called killer apps) will find success. On the consumer side, Amazon's investment in Alexa is one example of how adding connectivity to a simple product (a speaker) has opened up voice recognition, home control, and more. Peloton is another example of a company that saw connectivity fundamentally change the way it could approach the stationary bike as a product. Meanwhile, in the enterprise, Schneider Electric is doing a good job of applying connectivity to its customers' operations (and its own) in order to deliver value that goes beyond predictive maintenance, helping businesses save on energy costs and reduce their carbon impact. As we move forward into 2021, and hopefully out of the trough of disillusionment, we'll see more companies provide a compelling reason to embrace smart products and services. And we'll see standards and networks arrive that let companies and consumers invest in those products without fear of lock-in. For another perspective on this topic, I recommend you read Alicia Asín's essay on the current state of IoT. Asín is the CEO and co-founder of Libelium, a Spanish company that has been building the IoT for more than a decade.

[softboywriting]

Soft Love | Shawn Mendes

Summary: You and Shawn are friends with sexual tension and you both model for the same company. [plus size/curvy reader] [fluff] [flirting] [non-au]

Word Count: 1.5k

|Masterlist In Bio|

“Oh my God, you're the lady from the DK ads!” A guy says as he approaches you outside the shoe store at the mall.

You smile warmly and nod. “I sure am.”

“You're so hot.”

“Thanks.”

Shawn comes out of the shoe store and walks up to you, eyeing the guy who's gushing over you very obviously. “I'm all good, I swapped out the shoes, we can go.”

“Can I have your autograph?” The guy asks and you frown. You didn't really have any way of signing anything.

“Do you have a pen? Or something?”

“Fuck...no.”

“Language,” Shawn mutters to the guy and you elbow him.

The guy pulls out his phone and asks for a picture instead. You don't mind and say no problem. Except it is a problem because as soon as you lean into frame with the guy, he kisses your cheek. That's enough to peeve Shawn off and he steps between the two of you, towering over the guy.

“Get out of here,” Shawn quite literally growls to the guy and he turns tail and walks away quickly.

“It's not that big of a deal Shawn. God, people are going to think we're dating if you keep being so defensive around me.”

Shawn rolls his eyes. “If you let one fan kiss you on the cheek without asking, others will follow suit. Believe me. I know.”

“Yeah yeah. Come on let's go. You got your shoes and I need to get ready before the campaign launch party tonight.”

_____________

You walk into the party at a private mansion and everyone turns to look at you. It's so crazy, you never thought you would be here like this. The face of DK Ladies Wear, one of the top clothing companies in the nation. You grin as you walk toward your management team, the three people who believed in you from the beginning. For a girl of your size and curves, being the face of DK was a huge feat. You and your team fought tooth and nail to get here, and damn it was paying off.

“Hey! You didn't text me!” Cara, your agent, says as she wraps an arm around you. “I would have let everyone know so we could have surprised you.”

“Yeah, well this is plenty attention. How's my dress?”

“Looks insane,” Shawn says as he walks up beside you and puts his arm around your back. “That red looks incredible.”

Cara raises her eyebrows before turning away.

“Thank you Shawn.” You flush and lean into him. He smells amazing, looks absolutely delicious. He's in a button down that is similarly red colored to your dress and black slacks with his boots. His hair is properly curly, messy and soft looking. Fucking hell he was going to drive you insane.

“Can I get you a drink?” Shawn asks close to your ear as a song comes on and starts playing loudly across the main room.

“I'll have whatever you're getting.”

“Sure you can handle it?” He asks and it's far more suggestive than you think he means it to be.

“I'm sure I can.”

Shawn slides his arm away and goes toward the bar to get your drinks with a grin. You make your way over to the area where a bunch of the photos from your ladies wear campaign are hung on massive banner like canvases beside Shawn's men's wear photos. You just smile, so satisfied with every single one of the pictures. Even the ones of you in the lingerie are outstanding. Never did you think you would be confident enough to do lingerie photos yet here you are.

“Beautiful aren't they?”

You look to your left and see a guy with a camera around his neck. He looks kinda smarmy, like a paparazzi. You're sure no paps were allowed in to this party but you know that doesn't stop them from getting in. “Yeah, they are.”

“She's pretty for a big girl.”

You step in front of the guy and cross your arms. “What the hell does that mean?”

“Oh, I didn't realize you were the model.” The guy chuckles coolly. “I mean you're pretty, look at you. Gorgeous, but if you lost a few pounds you'd be phenomenal.”

“I’m phenomenal now. Get fucked.”

“Such a mouth. Y'know language like that makes for an ugly lady.”

You hear your name and look to where Shawn is approaching you with your drink. The guy turns and walks off with a shit eating grin. “God, I hate people.”

“What happened?” Shawn asks warily, eyeing the guy.

You take a long sip of your drink, a whiskey ginger, of course that's what Shawn was drinking. Good god it's strong. “Typical fat shaming asshole.”

“Want me to say something?”

“No. You don't need to be picking fights. Let it go, it doesn't bother me. I've heard everything there is to hear. He won't be the first or last to call me names or comment on my body.”

Shawn scoffs, clearly not happy that you have to deal with people being rude to you. But it didn't matter. It really didn't. You were making bank and the haters were just angry.

“You look amazing in this one,” Shawn says, changing the subject as. He points to the one of you in a black lace nightie with matching boy shorts like panties.

“Me? Look at you? Those boxer briefs leave little to the imagination.” You point to the photo of him leaned against a counter in his underwear. “Did you even wear a cup in that one?”

“Nope.”

“It's my favorite.”

Shawn glances back at you and smirks. “This is my favorite,” he says and points at the picture of you in a pink bra and panties that is of you looking back, showing off your butt. “I bet it's better in person,” he mutters.

You elbow him in the side and he looks to you with a blush on his cheeks. “Shawn, you got something to say?”

He downs his drink quickly. “Do I?”

“Yeah. You've been so defensive and protective of me since this campaign launched last week. I saw you yelling at your friends in the comments on my Instagram. Now you're being flirtier than ever..” You set your drink down on a nearby table before standing in front of him and walking your fingers up his chest teasingly. “You seem a little jealous that everyone gets to see me in my underwear.”

“Oh, psh, come on. Everyone gets to see me in mine,” he rolls his eyes, looking away.

“Don't lie to me Mendes.”

Shawn sets his drink on a passing waiters tray and grabs your waist, hands going up and down your sides. “Fine. I want you. Is that what you wanna hear? You wanna hear how I dream about you? How you are all I can think about when I'm supposed to be writing with Teddy in the studio or doing press for this campaign or watching some movie at home?”

“Yeah?” You grin and he twirls one finger around a piece of your hair. “We're both single. What's stopping you?”

“Dunno if I'm good enough for you.”

You lean in and whisper against his ear,  “You're more than good enough, you're perfect. You're the only guy I want.” You press a kiss to his cheek and leave a faint red lip print.

“Guess I know who you're going home with tonight.”

____________

You wake up to your phone LED notification blinking in the dark on the nightstand beside you. You grab it and turn it on to see you have twenty missed messages and and abundance of notifications from just about every social media app you have clogging up the screen. You open up Twitter and immediately see photos of you and Shawn leaving the DK party together...and the comments people were making. Cats out of the bag it seems.  

Suddenly the phone is yanked from your hand in the dark and you let out a yelp in protest. Shawn tosses is somewhere off the bed, it doesn't make any noise so you assume it landed in the laundry.

“No phones.” He grumbles and puts his arm around you, snuggling against you. “I don't wanna know what anyone thinks.”

“But what if-”

“Nope.” Shawn slides his hand over your stomach and tugs at your side until you roll to face him. He presses his nose into your neck and sighs.

You run your hand over his hair and he tangles his legs with yours. You run your hand up and down his back, fingers gliding over the toned muscles and soft skin. “Can we stay in bed all day?”

“That's the plan,” he mumbles, voice muffled. “I definitely want more time to kiss every inch of you and give you the attention you deserve.”

“God, you're so soft.”

He shrugs. “Not as soft as you.”

“Hey.”

He leans back and presses his lips to yours, a little off center in the dim room but still sweet nonetheless. “I love soft.”

“O-oh.”

“Go back to sleep.” He rubs his hand over your hip and down over your butt. “You'll need plenty of rest for later.”

The end

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[swervavery]

Chocoholic | Daniel Seavey

Pairing: Daniel Seavey x Reader

Summary: An alternate universe where you crave the food that your soulmate eats. The more one eats, the more the other will crave it.

Warning(s): None

Word Count: 1430

A/N: I really liked the idea for this imagine, but I’m not sure how I feel about the finished product. Please let me know what you think, any kind of feedback is highly appreciated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I get off the phone with my friend and turn on the TV, glad to finally hear about something other than her impatience to meet her soulmate and get them to stop eating shrimp. Apparently, this is the third time her soulmate has eaten it this week, which wouldn’t be a big problem, if it wasn’t for her shellfish allergy. It must suck to crave something you literally cannot eat. Luckily for me, my soulmate doesn’t have any weird food habits. I do find myself craving apple juice quite often, but that is about it.

I get up from the couch to have another chocolate chip cookie. While on my period I usually resort to ice cream as my comfort food, but lately I’ve gained an obsession with chocolate. This week has been especially bad, and I have eaten every single piece of chocolate in my house. I am now on the second to last cookie, and I groan as I realize I’m going to have to leave the house and get more chocolate. I have been living on the couch for the past two days and I know that I look like a mess. The thought of having to shower and make myself look somewhat acceptable triggers another groan to leave my throat. What one does for chocolate.

Daniel’s P.O.V.

We are finally finishing up in the studio after a long day of recording, and I’m packing up my stuff when Jonah suggests we order take-away pizza to bring back home with us. We all agree and settle into the car while Jonah is on the phone. The drive to the pizza-place takes almost ten minutes, and we’ll have to wait at least another fifteen before our pizzas are done. Corbyn spots a grocery store further down the street and asks me to go with him to get us something to drink. I agree, and we head over to the store. Inside, we walk towards the sodas, but I stop short at the sight of the chocolate isle. I’m pulled towards it, my feet moving like they’ve got minds of their own. I have had an insane craving for chocolate the past three days, and it has been annoying the hell out of me, because I hate chocolate. Yet here I am, looking at all the colorful bars, not wanting but seriously needing it.

Y/N’s P.O.V

I push open the door to the grocery store close by my house. I had showered, put on pants, and “fixed” my hair, aka made it look slightly less like a bird’s nest. Even though I didn’t really want to leave my couch, I really wanted chocolate. Walking through the mostly empty store I make my way to the candy section. My stomach cramps up, and I hardly notice the other person standing in the isle, only focusing on getting my chocolate and going home to my couch and Netflix.

My hand instinctively reaches towards a bar of plain milk chocolate, and I am surprised when instead of getting hold of the chocolate, my hand crashes into another. I look up to see a tall, blonde boy with eyes so startlingly blue I almost gasp out loud. We look at each other for just a second too long, making the air around us thick with awkwardness. He clears his throat, and I avert my gaze, suddenly finding the floor remarkably interesting.

I glance up at the boy again, opening my mouth, hoping my brain can come up with something to defeat the awkward silence. Thankfully, I’ve been in a lot of social encounters, and my brain naturally comes up with witty, intelligent comments, fitting the situation I’m in. A couple of hours after the interaction. For now, all that comes out of my mouth is a low “umm” sound. The boy in front of me simultaneously starts with an “ehh,” and I see redness cover his cheeks, no doubt matching mine. He moves his head and hands in a weird little gesture, and I interpret it as a silent offer of the chocolate. I smile slightly, grab the bar off the shelf, and automatically tell him “thanks”.

I contemplate turning around and leave, but something is holding me back. “You’re a chocoholic too?” I ask the blonde, mentally applauding myself for managing to form a coherent sentence. He shakes his head, something between a smile and a grimace forming on his face. “Not really, I’ve just been craving it lately.” I nod my head in understanding, before responding, “I usually prefer ice cream, but I’ve recently been getting more into chocolate.”

Daniel’s P.O.V.

Another awkward silence settles between us, but I can’t bring myself to end the conversation, if you could call it that. Suddenly, Corbyn comes around the corner, calling out to me, “Dan, I’ve got the drinks! Should I get you some apple juice as well?” I don’t know if I want to hug him or yell at him for the interruption. “Yeah, that would be great, thanks.” The cute girl in front of me lets out a tiny laugh, and I glance back at her as she says, “That’s so weird, I don’t love apple juice, yet I somehow always crave it.”

Studying her standing there, bar of chocolate in hand, something inside my brain clicks. “You don’t think…” She looks at me quizzically, not understanding where I’m going with the conversation. “That, like, you and I are…” Her eyes widen and her mouth opens slightly as she catches on to my thoughts. I quickly realize how weird and creepy I must seem to her, and mutter out, “never mind, of course not, that’s just stupid….” I turn around and walk away, embarrassment flooding through my body.

Y/N’s P.O.V

I hastily walk after him, softly calling out “hey” as I grab his arm. He turns around, and for a second I’m speechless once again, but my head clears enough for me to tell him, “I never caught your name”. He looks both hesitant and relieved at the same time, staring at me with his captivating blue eyes, “It’s Daniel.” I hold out my hand for him to shake while introducing myself, and once our hands touch I feel a chill run up my arm and spread through my whole body. “Well, Daniel, I don’t know if we’re soulmates, but I think you’re cute and I’d love to hang out sometime.” He takes a moment to react, and then he quickly pulls his hand away, fumbling around in his pockets. “Y-yeah, for sure, sounds great! Just let me, umm”. Daniel pulls out his phone, and I get my own, opening the contacts app and handing it over to him. I type my number in his phone and he types his, then we swap phones again. Silence enfolds us again, but this time it feels less awkward. There is an electricity in the air, fueled by the knowledge of what we might be to each other.

Our moment is once again broken by Daniel’s friend, who yells “Daniel, stop flirting and let’s go!” Warmth spreads over my face, and Daniel takes a small step backwards towards the entrance. “It was nice to meet you Y/N”, he says, slowly walking towards the doors. “You too Daniel”, I tell him, watching him reunite with his friend who smirks and mutters something to Daniel, earning himself a punch in the arm. I smile to myself and walk to the register to pay for my chocolate.

I’m finally back in my couch, remote in hand and scrolling through Netflix while munching on chocolate. I consider finding a new movie or series to watch, but

decide against it. Instead I pull up Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and re-watch old episodes of my favorite comedy-cop show. My phone beeps, indicating a new message. Reaching over to the table, I pull it up and see a notification for a new message from cute grocery-store-guy. I smile as I open Daniel’s message, the TV and chocolate forgotten. It was really nice to meet you today, Y/N. I have to work this week, but what do you say I take you out to lunch or dinner on Saturday?  I’m about to respond, when three bubbles pop up, showing Daniel is writing another message. Also, I don’t know if we’re soulmates, but I actually can’t stand chocolate, so maybe you could stop eating it, just in case?  I chuckle to myself and settle in for an evening of chatting with Daniel, no longer needing chocolate to distract me from my period cramps.