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adoresia · 5 days ago

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Bro how did I use up 30 tags already I didn’t even get to add my reblog tag 😢

01 :: KUROOS OUT THE WINDOW

wc 1.1k, mention of death sort of, sarcastic mention of fighting

series mlist | gen mlist

Tetsuro Kuroo had a recurring habit of inviting himself into your home.

It was often that you’d peer out your window in the darkest hours of the night and find a familiar silhouette staring back at you, tufts of messy black hair glowing brown beneath the streetlights. You’d learned that in their early adolescence, this too was common between him and Kenma (though it was more of a check up with Kenma than it was with you—the indescribable yearning for you his only excuse now, but he’d never admit that to you). Tonight was no different.

The soft tapping of pebbles against your window was a familiar pattern, the gentle brashness pulling you from the thoughtless daze you’d found yourself falling into. You’d like to blame it on the exhaustion that followed the day, but self awareness was something you’d always been mindful of, and you knew that this was a common occurence. A particularly loud clink against the glass was enough to snap you out of it entirely, blinking back into the current universe, the events happening around you. It barely took you a conscious thought to recognize the buzz of his presence, the way your skin prickled with conversance, a warmth creeping into the confines of your chest at the mere anticipation of his appearance.

Had you been another, you may have turned him away. You may have prioritized your slumber and curled into the softness of your sheets and relished in the moment alone, but you were you. No sleep left you well rested if not accompanied by the lingering bliss of his gaze, long after his laughter had faded as had his presence. So you kicked the laundry on the floor beneath your bed—the hushed reminder of the morning's chaos swept away until further notice—and padded over to the window.

Moonlight pooled into your room as you opened it, the soft blue tones illuminating its own section of the hardwood floors.

Kuroo stood on the grassy yard left to your home, smiling lazily at you from two stories down. The amber brown of his eyes appeared a dark, sultry espresso in the inky black of the hour, the corners of them crinkling in amusement as he took you in.

“Kuroo,” you greeted quietly, voice quiet as the distant sound of passing cars.

He gave a soft nod of acknowledgment, hands resting on his hips. He was clad in a baggy sweater and loose sweats, crinkled by the curl of his fingers and gently caressed by the growing grass at his feet. “Mind giving me a hand?” he took a step, only asking as he neared the wall, already hiking himself up onto the piece of roof that sat conveniently below your bedroom window. It seemed to be perfectly fit for Kuroo and the little routine the two of you had curated, and although it had other purposes you appreciated, this one had to be your favourite.

You placed a hand on his arm as he hauled himself through the sill, willing yourself to ignore the firmness of his bicep as it flexed beneath your palm. The hoodie made it easy to forget that it was Kuroo underneath there—all of him. If he noticed the way your eyes lingered where you touched he didn’t say anything, a bit preoccupied by the way he tripped and nearly collapsed onto your floor—almost bringing you and every valuable surrounding you with him. A small yelp of surprise echoed through the air, and you weren’t sure if it came from you or the boy to your right.

“Sorry,” he whispered, standing up more stiff than before. Hints of embarrassment were pulling at his face, but they quickly melted into his usual casual smirk, as if it was never there at all.

He parted from you, taking the few short strides to your bed and flopping down with an ‘oof’. Face down in your pillows, long limbs dangling off the edges in all directions, his cheek squished cartoonishly against the bed as he peeked out at you.

You joined him with a giggle, although you weren’t nearly as obnoxious about it, sitting on one of the few chunks of space not claimed by Tetsuro.

“You’re real loud. What if my dad came in here right now and kicked your ass for sneaking in, huh?” you teased, head cocking to the side.

He peeked at you, shuffling so that he was on his side. Grinning, he didn’t even give it a second thought before replying, “He wouldn’t. Your dad loves me.” For a second afterward, though, he faltered.

You didn’t even notice because it was annoying how right he was. You rolled your eyes, mimicking him childishly under your breath. Unfortunately, Kuroo’s ears were keen, his eyes narrowing at the mockery. His large hand came up and playfully nudged you, to which you responded with a soft push of your own. “Don’t play that game,” he sniggered, “you know I’ll win.”

You hummed, feigning thoughtfulness. “Okay, but if I accepted that, it wouldn’t be fun.”

His head tilted, and he shrugged passively. Pushing himself up with a groan akin to that of an elderly man with back problems, he sat next to you, legs crossed.

“…your dad does like me, right?” he backtracked, brows furrowing gently. The cause may have been sleep deprivation, but he almost looked like he lacked the confidence he always carried himself with.

“Of course,” you reassured him, although it somewhat pained you to admit. “Everyone likes you,” you muttered.

He perked up. “You think so?” he said, leaning in playfully, a little too proud. “Even you?”

You pushed him away with a scoff, but your lips were quirking up, and he saw right through you. Maybe at times, he appeared to be a jockish, cocky guy, but Kuroo’s many layers ran deeper than the veins in his skin. And he was sure you flowed through every one of them. He knew you.

“Okay, maybe you don’t like me,” he said, sarcasm heavily laced in his tone. “But I could make you if I tried. I think I could make you love me, actually.”

“Oh, yeah?” you humoured him.

“Mhm.”

Speaking without thinking was a proclivity that would lead to your demise, you were sure. “Willing to bet money on it?”

In a way, he was offended that you were so doubtful in his abilities—and that this was a bet still able to be made at all, that there was a possibility of your victory. He ignored that part. “Of course I am. You really don’t think so?”

“Not at all,” you lied. “I’d like to see you try.”

In an instant, his hand was extended out between you, and when you looked up he was eyeing you like this was some sort of hustle. The warmth of his skin against yours was invading as he shook your hand, the deal sealed as he held it, encasing you in his grasp.

Just like that, the bet was made. Set in stone, a stick and poke digging into your chest—the black ink marking you from now until you were one day inspected at the morgue and identified by Kuroo being written messily within your chest.

“Happy losing,” he said.

Oh, but you already had.

Cigarettes out the window? No we have Kuroo’s out the window tf

Forgive me if this is ass, I’m sick + tired + in need of improvement

Yn stared at her wall for a good hour the next time she was alone wondering why she does this to herself

Self deprecation will actually kill her

Had this pre written in the drafts… now time to go finish hw and work on rqs 😴

taglist open (see masterlist for updated status)

@adoresia @kawoala @sahrii @angeleilee @gumims @cinnamxnangel @44twentytwo @bubybubsters @cherrysurf @s6rine @saintcosette @mayyhaps @jayathelostdragon @azinniyaa @lowkeyremi @nobodybutnnoorr @laaalaaaloooppppsiiieeeee @pookalicious-hq @straightforthefl00r @kissunday @evilari111 @towni3 @shoyosluver @sickpatientt @lizbix

#BRO WTF #PROMISE I WAS LITTERSLLY LISTENING TO CIGARETTES OUT THENWINDOW WHILE READING THIS #STIP?#ALSO #‘don’t play that game Yk I’ll win’ okay im playing #I’m playing the game #LET ME OLAY PLEASE LET ME PLAY YUGSGHHU #the way he makes sure yns dad actually likes him #literally something I’d do #because like are you joking #does your dad hate me?#like are you sure?#are you sure though #okay go ask him and write down every word he said just to make sure #happy losing!#he’s so corny #but he’s my corny #okay but why u clock me #I’ve already lost #wait can we play again pls #Yk this would actually be fun #this is why it’s fun having a crush #seeing who folds first is just so romantic #watching them try not to express how much they love you #just for them to crack #and it’s just #it’s JUST #okay bai #I’m so lonely #⋆. 𐙚 ˚👅 liv !

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formereldestdaughter · 10 months ago

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ok wait i need to hear more of your thoughts on peeta owning a bakery....

This is one of those rare times where I’m pretty sure this anon isn’t someone I know personally bc I’ve subjected anyone who will listen to my rant about the Peeta Bakery Headcanon. Anyway, you’re gonna regret asking this anon bc there are fucking Layers here.

I know this is probably a controversial take based on the number of fics where I’ve seen it, but I simply do not think that Peeta would open a commercial bakery after Mockingjay!! Like on a metatextual level, I don’t think it really fits with the point of the ending of the series. It actually sort of fascinates me that it’s just such a common headcanon because the ending of Mockingjay is exceedingly vague. I think that vagueness invites us, as readers, to imagine a better world post-revolution. A world where Katniss would feel confident that her children would be safe from injustice, where she’d feel confident that her children would never know want the way she did as a child. A just world. A kinder world. Can a capitalist society ever be just? Is a capitalist society where a disabled teenager has no other means to subsist himself (or feels like there’s no other way he can be a contributing member of his community) really the post-revolution world we dream of? Is that really the best we can imagine?

(This got so insanely long I’m adding a read more lmao)

I get that showing a better world is not always the point of post-mockingjay headcanons/fics. Like there are plenty of really great post-mockingjay fics I’ve seen where, yeah, part of the fic is that society like ISN’T all that different or all that much better. I’ve seen that really well done! Hell, I’ve written them myself! It’s easy to imagine how a lot of aspects of society would not get an overhaul, a lot of the same structural inequalities would continue to exist. One headcanon that really stuck with me (I can’t remember which fic it was from) was that Peeta sells basically mail order baked goods to people on the Capitol, sending them iced cakes and pastries by train, because there are still people who were “fans” of theirs during the Games. And idk this doesn’t actually have much to do with my point lol but I liked it because it’s kind of fucked up and like! Yeah! It makes sense! If he needed money that would be a good way to make it! War often makes people rich, often for horrible reasons, and often it’s people who already have capital in the first place.

Anyway, more about the hypothetical bakery because alright. I bring up the fact that “yeah society not being all that different post-revolution and still being an unjust capitalist hellscape” could be a reason why Peeta re-opens a bakery because that’s actually never the types of fics where I see the bakery headcanon. Fics where Peeta opens a bakery are usually trying to make the exact opposite point. Like. Things are getting better, now he can open a bakery! Look at how much better the world is now, plus he’s got a bakery! Peeta is healing, that’s why he can open a bakery now! And I am so, so sorry to inform everyone who’s never had the grave misfortune of owning a family business, but there is truly nothing further from the truth lmao. Like just putting aside the immense amount of emotional baggage that Peeta has about his family, running a small business is an insane amount of work in any context and being a baker especially is physically grueling and involves early hours (and long hours) that aren’t really the best fit with the multiple ways that Peeta is disabled now. (I could go into this more because I have a lot of thoughts. But I will spare you.). I also think it’s seen throughout the books that Peeta is someone who needs time to pursue creative outlets to process his feelings and someone who values leisure and values quality time with his loved ones. And having grown up in his family’s bakery, I think he’d understand the reality that running a bakery wouldn’t leave much space of those pursuits and wouldn’t leave much space for him to have the things that keep him healthy and stable. I think he’d know that the way he is now— after two Games and the war and unspeakable torture at the hands of a dictator—isn’t compatible with the lifestyle necessary for running a commercial bakery.

And tbh with that in mind, I don’t think he’d push himself to re-open a business (one that would be a constant reminder of his dead family and his complicated relationships with them that got no closure) that would require him to sacrifice his physical and emotional well-being. Like I think he might look into the possibility, I think he might even start trying to open a bakery out of a sense of obligation/duty, maybe harboring some idea that this is who he was supposed to be, who he would've been without the Games, or that it’s this last piece of his family that can live on, or that it’s this last connection to his family so he can’t let it die too. But ultimately, I think any attempt to open a bakery wouldn’t get very far. Maybe he'd start wading into the logistical nightmare that is small business ownership and realize it's not for him (because it's probably also true that as much as him and his brothers were involved in the business, there's almost certainly parts they weren't involved with and didn't see, i.e., filing taxes). Or maybe looking into opening a bakery— how triggering it is, the stress of it— causes a downward spiral. Maybe he hates how much he's worrying everyone by unraveling. Maybe having a breakdown from the stress of just trying to open a bakery makes him realize, yeah, maybe in another life he would have ran his family’s bakery but the way he is now just doesn’t work with running a bakery, not without great sacrifices he's not willing to make. I just can’t see a bakery coming to fruition.

I know a lot of fics include Peeta deciding to reopen a bakery as a big step in his healing or include him rebuilding a bakery as part of his healing process but honestly, I think the opposite would be more true: I think Peeta either trying/failing to open a bakery or ultimately deciding not to open a bakery would be hugely healing for him. I think it would be a huge part of him accepting the way he is now as a person, his new limitations but also his strengths. I think it would be a huge part of him accepting the way his life his now and accepting that he likes his life the way it is, that he’s satisfied with his life without needing to own a bakery. I think it would be an important part of him coming to terms with the loss of his family. I think he knows he can never have things back as they were and I don’t think he would try to recreate them, especially because his family’s legacy isn’t a business. I think he’s emotionally intelligent enough and self reflective enough to realize that what mattered to him about the bakery— taking care of others by feeding them, being integrated into his community and being actively involved in it, brightening people’s days with delightful things whether that’s beautiful cakes or hearty food or delicious treats— and the things he learned from his family through the bakery, are things that he can carry on in other meaningful ways.

(Do you regret sending this ask yet, anon? Because if not, you will soon. I’m not done yet. There’s more.)

I wasn’t really sure where to put this next part in what is rapidly becoming an essay because it sort of combines the points about like “what do we imagine a post-mockingjay society to look like” with the practical difficulties of starting this bakery but here’s another thing: do people really think that the Mellarks owned the land the bakery was on?? Like, sure, the merchants are the petit bourgeois of Twelve but I still don’t imagine they really own anything. In a society where houses are assigned to people upon marriage, where property ownership and capital are so closely interconnected with citizenship (as shown by the Plinths who, by having immense capital, are able to leave their District and become citizens of the Capitol) do people really think the Mellarks would be allowed to own the land their bakery is on?? I always imagined it sort of like a tenant farming situation: the Capitol gives them the raw materials for the bakery and in return the bakery give them some absurdly high portion of their profits, or the Capitol sells them a year’s supply of raw materials at a premium on credit and at the end of the year the Mellarks have to use the money they made with those materials to pay it back, except it’s never enough to turn a profit so they always have to buy next year’s materials on credit and the cycle continues.

We (understandably) get a really skewed view of the merchant class through Katniss’s perspective so I can see why people come to the conclusion that his family owned the property and, as the last surviving member, he would’ve inherited it. I’ve seen the inheritance thing in fics a lot or a hand wavey “well Twelve was decimated to no one owns anything anymore so it can be his” or even like an almost sort of reparations type situation where he’s entitled to the land as a surviving refugee of Twelve. But I don’t know. I guess I don’t think it fits with everything else we know about Panem that the Mellarks would’ve owned that land and I think the question of whether the government would’ve let him take ownership of the land post-revolution brings up a lot of issues about the structure of society post-Mockingjay that I find more interesting to explore in other ways, especially when, from an emotional perspective, 1) I find the idea of Peeta not opening a bakery more compelling and 2) I don’t think it really fits his character arc by the end of Mockingjay to reopen a bakery, as I went on about at length above lol.

On the flip side: literally who cares!! Do whatever you want!! Headcanon whatever you want!! I get why people go for the bakery!! It’s fun, it’s wholesome, it’s a built in bakery AU that isn’t even an AU. It doesn’t matter if it’s practical or realistic!! It doesn’t need to be practical or realistic!! It’s fanfic of a dystopian YA series!! My unfortunate affliction is that I grew up in a family that owned a restaurant and that I have multiple degrees in the social sciences so I can’t see the bakery without being like “What about the overheard? What about the start up costs? Who’s spending long nights balancing the books? Is Peeta covering shifts when an employee calls in sick? Is Peeta the sole person working there until the bakery is open long enough (often a year or more) to start turning a profit? How does that sleep schedule work with his nightmares? How does that work with Katniss’s nightmares? What happens when he has an episode and suddenly needs to take the day off before he has any employees? Does the bakery just remain closed for the day? Can the profit margins withstand regular unexpected closures? Can the supplies withstand regular unexpected closures?” And if the answer is “Elliott none of those things matter he’s not doing the bakery because he needs the money but because he wants to”, then my question is why does he want to? Does he not get the same sort of satisfaction out of feeding his loved ones? Doesn’t Peeta seem like someone who would rather give away baked goods than sell them?? Doesn’t Peeta seem like someone who would prefer to make cakes for people’s special occasions upon and then when they insist on paying him for it, he only lets them “pay for the ingredients” which actually cost significantly more than he says they did??

So yeah my point is that it’s a matter of personal taste! It doesn’t fit the way I see the series but that doesn’t mean it’s like wrong, I’m not an authority on Peeta lmao.

It’s also a matter of personal taste in the sense that I find the themes that most resonate with me at the end of Mockingjay (and the end of Peeta’s arc specifically) more interesting to explore in other ways. Grief, living with loss, relearning yourself, finding hope, figuring out your place in a dramatically different world when you don’t even know who you are anymore, healing, building a new life after such complete and total destruction of your old life— those are all things I find compelling about the end of Mockingjay but for me the bakery isn’t the most compelling way to explore them.

Not to say I find the concept of the bakery totally uninteresting. I have this fic about Johanna that I’ll probably never finish where the point sort of is that, yeah, her life really isn’t all that much better after the war. It’s been years at this point and she’s still miserable and she doesn’t know how to be a person but by the end she’s trying to figure it out. And towards the end, Peeta tells her that he’s spent years sort of passively, half-heartedly trying to figure out how to inherit the land his family’s bakery was on, only to find out it was never theirs in the first place. They’d been renting it the whole time and he’d never even known as a kid. So he sort of passively, half-heartedly went on another wild goose chase to find the owner and now, finally, after years of writing to various government agencies and being sent in circles and things being barely functional, he’s managed to track down the owner. Now it’s owned by the daughter of the man who owned it when he was a kid because the original owner (who was likely up to some sketchy war crime shit) died during the war and she inherited it (the irony…). He got in contact with her and asked how much it would take for her to sell it and she told him she’s not interested in selling but in light of the situation, in light of the fact that he’d have to build a new building in order to operate a bakery, that she’d cut him a deal— she’d only require 50% of the bakery’s profits as rent instead of the 80% his family used to pay. And of course Johanna is outraged, that’s not right, the owner shouldn’t be allowed to do that, they should do something about it, they should fight back. And Peeta is like. Not interested. He was actually sort of relieved that opening wasn’t very feasible. Getting the answer was a lightbulb moment where he saw that over the years of trying to look into this, he’s built a life that he likes— one where he’s stable, where his loved ones are stable, where he’s cared for and can care for others— and he doesn’t really want to change it drastically by opening a bakery anyway. He just needed an answer, one way or another, before he could get some closure and move on. (And the point of the conversation is Johanna is having her own lightbulb moment that it’s okay to move on, it’s okay to change, it’s not a betrayal of the people and things she’s lost but that’s not my point here!!).

But anyway. That’s obviously not about running the bakery— it’s about the choice to not run one.

Anyway!! Anyway… are you satisfied anon? Is this what you wanted?

Lastly, here is my most important qualm with the bakery headcanon: must Peeta be gainfully employed? Is it not enough for him to be Katniss’s boytoy? Can’t he just paint and garden and bake and hang out with his girlfriend all day? Is that really too much to ask?

#peeta mellark #thg #the hunger games #the hunger games meta #anyway wow this got so long and I literally read it through one (1) time so uhhh sorry if this makes no sense!!#as I was doing my one read through and realized that one of my other thoughts on this is that yeah I can much more easily see the #headcanon that peeta like sells baked goods (probably at cost with no profit) out of his kitchen because that’s much more flexible #and I think that would work a lot better with what like I guess I’d call his psychiatric disability post mockingjay #and how he’d certainly want to take care of Katniss too #like that sort of flexibility makes a lot more sense for him and it’s like. if he doesn’t bake for a few days or however long then it’s fin #it’s not a formal brick and mortar business #it’s just something he’s doing because it’s a way to be involved with people and a way to do something he’s passionate about #without there being waste and while covering some of the costs #and he doesn’t have to like keep books or do payroll or any of the things I can’t see him being very passionate about #as far as like bakery management goes Lmao he can just bake!!#but then I started getting into this whole thing about how that quote-unquote ‘running a business’ like that (informally from your house)#is actually a really common practice for people living in poverty so probably something that Katniss and peeta would’ve been familiar wirh #anyway and then this whole rant about how the emphasis on the brick and mortar bakery often goes hand in hand with #this widespread fandom thing of having a fundamental misunderstanding of how rural poverty works and what it looks like #but then I was too deep into it and said you know what? never mind! and deleted it lmao

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