#literally part of it was “just get health screening to know if your healthy”

[ratsbanes]

fucking hate my 'wellness' class. somehow they managed to work in fatphobia, abstinence, ableism, religious stuff, classism and general misinterpretation of like 20 facts in the first chapter. im going to kill myself :(

[4joonkookie]

Merry Nothing 🎄🚫

I hope you're taking it easy on yourself. Been seeing a lot of dread and misery on social media of people having to drive long distances and be with family they don't want to be around and the pressure of the holidays tanking people’s mental health. Let this be a reminder that we literally make all that holiday shit up and (easier said than done) you can do whatever you want and what’s best for you (or nothing at all!)

--------------------------------------------------

Pairing: JK x Reader -> Chapter 7 of Cigarette Burns

Words: *sigh* another 4K

Chapter Tags: smut, fluff, holiday dread, pining (kind of), truth-telling, reference to f/f, truth or dare, mutual masturbation, o/c is kind of a pimp.

Notes: Fluffy, semi-holiday smut :) If you want pain, read any other chapter. Scroll to part 3 (III. 💜💜💜) to get right to the smut!

Summary: After a few (much-needed) months apart, you and JK reunite for a unique holiday celebration.

I. 💜💜💜

After waking up, you lay in bed scrolling on your phone when a call flashes on the screen.

“Hello?” You answer the phone to Jungkook. It’s early for him to be awake.

“Hey,” he grumbles. 

“You ok?”

“Yeah, I just can’t sleep.”

“All night? What’s on your mind?”

“Just… holidays, you know,” he says. “I'm not in the mood for it all this year. I’m going to my parents later today and I'm awake, literally dreading it.” 

“I’m sorry. I’ve been feeling the same way.”

“At least we don’t have to go to two celebrations this year. Mom’s been hounding me to tell you you’re still invited to ours.”

“Would you feel better about going if I went?” you ask, more of a probing than an offer. 

“No,” he says, confident. “I don’t mean it that way,” he adds after he hears himself. 

You choose not to take offense. “Well, honestly, you dread it every year.”

“I’m over it. The schmoozing, the fake sentiment, the gifts. It's important to my family but,” he trails, heaving a sigh. 

“I know. I told my family I'm staying at home this year. My mom’s letting me out of it out of ‘breakup sympathy’ or something, but I'll be catching shit about it until Labor Day.”

“What was your excuse?”

 “No excuse. I just told the truth. I don’t want to do the same things I've always done that don’t exactly make me happy or that make me feel… dread. I’d rather do nothing or start my own tradition.”

“You can just do that?” he asks, legitimately shocked. 

“I am,” you say. “You’re welcome to join me.” 

He takes a moment to think. “Hiding away from our families? With you?” 

“You don’t have to decide right_”

“I’m in,” he says. 

You smile. Being with Jungkook is the only thing you'd want to stay the same. And you can have it without the pressure of anything or anyone else. 

“Your place?” He asks. 

“Yeah.” Your stomach turns with excitement. Though this opens a can of worms. “Ok,” you say sternly. “Ground Rules.”

He gives an endeared sigh. “Shoot.”

“No gifts.”

“Done,” he replies. “No trees, no ugly sweaters,” he adds. “What will we do?” 

“We can keep the fun stuff. Eat, drink, and be merry.”  

“I’m liking the sound of this.”

“One last thing,” you say, feeling your cheeks warm. “Are we having sex?” 

He chokes out a laugh. “I hadn’t really thought about it since I got the invite,” he says. “Do you want to?”

“Well, we’ve been pretty healthy the past few months, and this could be a big step. Maybe we should talk about what could happen.”

He’s quiet for a while. “Are you afraid that you won’t be able to keep it in your pants?”

“Should I keep it in my pants?” you quip right away. 

“Not if you don't want to,” he says. 

“I’m just saying there’s a reason we’ve only met outside, in public, and sober because the moment we’re alone…”

“You know,” he interrupts. “If you want me to fuck you, you just have to ask. No elaborate ruse is necessary.”

 “I hate you,” you say into the receiver.  

His voice gets lower, softer. More confident. “I’m excited you’re thinking about it. And I know we’ve been super careful and thoughtful and healthy,” he mocks. “Maybe it’s time we get back to doing what’s natural.”

“So, sex, yes?” you try to confirm. “I’m just trying to not spiral. I don’t want to spend all morning anxious about it.”

“So, don’t. Let’s just go where the day takes us.” 

You take a deep breath, reminding yourself you don’t have to run away from this.

“Is it light where you are?” you ask, changing the subject and looking out the window. 

“I’m eight blocks away, so, yes.”

“My new place overlooks the park. The sunrise is pretty. You should see it sometime.”

“Maybe tomorrow morning. What time should I come over today?”

“No set time. Just when you’re ready.”

“I just need a bit to shower and break my mother's heart. What should I bring?”

“Whatever you want. Or nothing.”

Suddenly, a voice echoes from down the hall.

“Are you talking to me?” she says, peeking her head out of the bathroom. 

It’s startling. You almost forgot she was here.

“No, I'm on the phone,” you say to her, pointing to the device at your ear. She nods and closes the bathroom door again. You hold your face in your hands. There’s no way Jungkook didn’t hear her. Something about it just feels like you don’t want to tell him. 

“Who’s that?” Jungkook asks, curiously. 

You spill the truth before your brain comes up with a lie too fast. “I_ went out last night. Brought company home.” And you’re glad he can’t see how red your face is. 

“Wooooooooow,” he chuckles. “So, spill the details. Who is she? What’s her name?”

Your stomach turns at the mention of Jungkook’s probing. It reawakens old feelings and makes you feel possessive about someone you hardly know.

Wait… her name?

“That’s a great question,” you say, playing back the previous night in your mind, frantically searching for when she mentioned it.

“Scoring so many girls you can’t keep their names straight, huh?” he teases.

“I hate you,” you say again.

“Look, don’t let me interrupt you if you have company.”

“She’s leaving. She’s got plans with her family today.”

“Ok,” he says. “I’ll be over in a few hours.”

“See you then. You can let yourself in.”

II. 💜💜💜

You spend some time frantically cleaning. The place is brand new and not messy at all, but you can’t help yourself. The nerves follow you into the shower. 

It’s been a couple of months since the wedding. You and Jungkook have taken careful walks and drank mindful coffees and had a few lengthy, friendly phone calls but not too late. You have keys and have seen each other's places during doggie drop-off, but haven’t been together, alone, inside four walls. 

You both have mostly been spending time alone. Which is good. You can feel how your relationship has adjusted and semi-settled into this new, unknown place. 

But he wouldn’t be coming over if you weren’t having sex, right? You couldn’t possibly not have sex if he stayed the night, right? Is that a good thing? 

You miss him. Ache for him. Lately, you’ve been spending time thinking of your last encounter. How close you were. How you knew you wouldn't have him like this for a while again. Maybe ever. 

Even just a kiss, that feeling of his lips on yours. 

You shut off the water and hear the kitchen faucet running. Excited doggy footsteps on the tile floor. And something smells incredible. Jungkook is already here. 

You spend time in the bedroom to make a difficult wardrobe choice. Simple and understated? Or something that says ‘yes, we’re definitely fucking today’? Or do you just walk out naked?

You opt to dress in something comfortable, take a deep breath, and exit the bedroom.

“Hi,” he says, approaching to hug you. You embrace and he gives you a festive kiss on the lips. 

It makes you feel light. It’s old & comfortable and new & exciting all at once. 

“What smells so good?“ You ask, as Jungkook sets a plate in front of you. “What is this?”

He shrugs. “I made it up,” he says. 

You giggle, taking a bite. Everything he ‘makes up’ is a masterpiece.

“Good?” he asks, on edge. 

“So good,” you reply. 

A kiss and a meal from this man in two minutes and you’re in heaven. He gathers something from his bag and sits down next to you, placing 2 glasses in front. He holds a bottle of champagne and you give him the eye. 

“What? Don’t act like I need to twist your arm to have a glass of champagne. We’re celebrating.”

You zip your lips. He looks curiously at the bottle.

“I probably should’ve brought more, huh?” He says, pouring into the glasses.

You shrug. “There’s two more bottles in the fridge,” you admit. 

“That’s my girl.” He raises his glass. 

“To a Very Merry Nothing,”

You click glasses. “Merry Nothing.”

III. 💜💜💜

Hours pass and you lay on the couch, catching up on a show you used to watch together. 

“I did not see that coming,” he says, eyes locked on the black screen.

“How could you not? It’s so obvious!”

“How is it obvious?” he asks, turning to face you.

Your eyes dart down. “Well…” you begin to admit. “I guess it wasn’t quite so obvious to me the first time I watched it.”

“You finished it? Without me?!”

“We broke up. I can’t believe you didn’t,” raising your arms in defense.

“I couldn’t. I was heartbroken. It reminded me of you.” He playfully points his finger at you. “You’re heartless.”

You roll your eyes. And he strokes your legs where they’re draped in his lap. You take a deep breath and the air changes. Can just feel it. 

“So, what now?” he says, dragging his hands higher up your thigh. 

“Well, we’ve killed two bottles, eaten our way through an entire cheese plate, and finished the last season.”

“I’d like to point out, we’ve been together and drinking and semi-horizontal for several hours now and we’re still fully clothed. Just doing what’s natural.”

“You’re right,” you say. 

“We’ve made more progress than you give us credit for,” he adds, scolding.

“You’re right,” you repeat.

“Truth or Dare?” He asks.

“Oh ok,” you scoff, knowing the idea could nose-dive you right into a mess. 

“Come on! Good, clean, fun. It’s festive. And it doesn’t have to be sexual…all the time. Truth or Dare?”

“Truth,” you answer.

He thinks for a while. “What did you do with my black sweater?”

You remember the monochrome that used to be your shared closet. “I’m going to need you to narrow that down,” you laugh. 

“The one with the felt stripes. It was kind of old,” he describes. 

“Oh,” you say in realization. “I threw it out.”

“What?”

“It was just sitting in the closet. You never took it. It was hideous anyway.”

“I can’t believe you,” he remarks. “Heartless.”

“You asked.” raising your eyebrows. “Truth or Dare?”

“Truth,” he opts.

“What did you do with the ring?” He’s quiet for a while and it’s good to know where the nerve strikes. “It’s ok, whatever you did, I'm just curious. Even if you sold it, I wouldn’t call you ‘heartless’ or anything.”

“I still have it,” he nods. “I’m not quite ready to let go of it yet and… that’s all I'm willing to say about it.”

“Ok,” you nod. 

“And you’re not ‘heartless,” he says, combing hair behind your ear. I like this nothing-but-honest-confidence thing. It’s sexy.” He smiles. “Truth or Dare?” he asks.

“Truth.”

“Do you still talk to Taehyung?” 

“Right now, no.” You sigh. “But I'd like to. I… really hurt him and put him in a shitty spot. He was destined to be the roadkill on the you & me highway and I just let it happen. I want to apologize to him. I just know right now, it would be a selfish gesture.”

He nods. “Will you tell me when you’re going to talk to him again?”

“Yes,” you say. “How does that make you feel? That I might talk to him again.”

“I hate it. But I understand,” he soothes. He pats your thighs with his hands. “Ok, something fun now.”

“Truth or Dare?” You ask.

“Dare,” he picks. 

“Take off your shirt,” you say. And he does quickly. excited. 

“Truth or Dare?” he asks, eager.

“Truth,” you say, teasing.

He sticks his tongue out at you. “How long have you been thinking about us having sex?”

You scoff. “Dare,”

“Oh, come on.”

“I said dare.” You shrug.

 He sits back, smug. “Ok. Just this once you can switch.” A mischievous grin crawls across his face. “Show me what you have underneath your clothes.”

“What?!”

“Or you could tell the truth.”

And he knows he’ll find the same truth behind both doors. You could jump him now, and make it clear where your mind was. Or, you could show him your expertly paired bra & panties that will illustrate the same fact.

You stand and lift your sweatshirt over your head, toss it over his face. He removes it with a goofy smile, eyes taking you in. 

“I knew it,” he smiles. You approach him, standing in front of where he sits on the couch. He looks up at you, taking you in. 

He slides his fingers under the straps of your panties. Over your ass, feeling his breath at your hips. 

“You got all dressed up just for me?” He whispers. 

“Well, I had to be prepared,” you say, running fingers through his hair. 

“You could’ve been naked,” he remarks, his bright doe eyes looking up at you. 

 “I considered that,” you say honestly. “Truth or Dare?” you ask. 

“Dare, please.” he says, gripping your ass. 

You hand your glass to him. “Pour me another without spilling?”

 “Will you go wait on the bed?” he says, low and soft. 

 You nod. He stands and walks to the kitchen and you’re glad to have a moment. He doesn’t take his eyes off you as you meander to the bedroom. 

He returns, placing the glass on the nightstand and sitting on the bed next to you. 

You both face each other, propped on your elbows on the bed.

“Truth or Dare,” he says. 

“Truth,” you reply, frustrating him.

“Are you dating?”

“No,” you reply. 

“Women?”

“I’m having fun with women,”you say, eyes darting down. 

“Having sex with women?”

“Yes,” you say, feeling your defenses come up again.

“Any fun stories?”

“None that I'm willing to share.”

He nods. “Can I ask why?"

“I'm not comfortable sharing anything about a woman with you. I won’t lie about it… but it will be a while before I want to tell you everything.”

He nods in realization. “Fair enough. Can I ask again another time?”

“Of course,” you say. “What about you? Have you been dating?” you ask. 

“One more thing,” he interrupts, holding up his finger. “Men?”

“Is that important to you?”

“Yeah, that's why I asked,” he says. 

“No men,” you offer.

You roll your eyes at the way he’s been holding his breath, waiting for this answer. 

“Sorry, that was a sigh of relief you just heard.” You stay quiet. “Don’t give me that look. I hate the idea of you having sex with other men. Sue me.”

“What about you? Having sex with anyone? Women? Men?”

“Yeah, allow me to introduce you,” he says, holding out his hand. 

You laugh. “Nothin, huh?”

“Not that I've tried.”

“Why not?” you ask. 

“I figure it’s for the best for a while. I was spending some time… burying my emotions in sex. With you and… others.”

“How many others?”

“Is that important to you?”

“Yes, that’s why I asked,” you mimic.

“You… Her,” he mentions under his breath. “and a couple more indiscretions after the wedding.”

You nod, accepting the truth. 

He laughs. “I must say, I feel like a real loser now.”

“Why?”

“This whole setup was a lot sexier when I thought you were as desperate as me.”

“Who says I'm not?”

“You just busted last night. "

“Says who?”

“What, no-name didn't get you off?”

“No. It's not always about that. I got her off and I like that.”

“I like these details,” he says, raising his eyebrows. “Did she even try?”

You give him a little shove. “Yes, shut up, it’s hard. You've had years of research and practice.”

He chuckles, getting closer. “Well, is there anything you miss? Do you ever think of me? Miss how we did it?”

“Of course,” you say, and his eyes beg for you to go on. “Let’s just say there is an itch that only you can scratch.”

“Have you ever had a date with your hand thinking of me?” he laces your fingers together, kissing the palm of your hand. 

“Yes,” you say. “My hands and a few other choice tools.”

“How often?”

“Often enough,” you quip. 

“Truth or Dare?” he asks. 

“Dare,” you say, indulging him. “Wait, it’s my turn_”

 “Show me what you do,” he ignores, focused on his mission. “Touch yourself.” His breath has quickened.

 Your tummy turns, filled with butterflies. “Why would I do that when you’re right here?”

“Baby, I promise I'm gonna fuck you until that pretty sunrise comes through that window, but we’re trying something new, right?”

“Ok.” You pause, sitting up and taking a shaky breath, unsure what to do. 

“Look who’s suddenly shy,” he coos. “Come here.” He pulls your body toward him so your back is pressed to his chest. His back is propped on pillows and he can reach around you from behind. He kisses your neck, down over your shoulders and you feel yourself start to sink in.

You cover his hands with yours and guide him to touch. He feels over your skin, dragging between your thighs, and grazing over the fabric of your panties.

His light touches gain more pressure and you watch his fingertips press into your skin. He glides hands up and gropes your breasts, taking a deep breath and humming as he exhales. 

 He’s no longer under your guidance, but you don’t mind. You rest your hands on his legs as he touches you. 

His hands slip under the bust of your bra, filling his hands with you, fabric pulling taut. When he pulls them out, he lowers the straps and unhooks the bra.

One more squeeze of your breasts and he moves down between your legs. You take control of his hands again and press them there, rolling your hips against him. 

 “Like this?” he says, pressing down harder. 

“Hmm_” you hum. He brings his hand to your panties and pulls them to the side, eliciting a little gasp.

“Don’t rip them,” you scold, remembering your time in the closet.

 “Take them off,” he instructs. You do, sliding the lacy fabric over your thighs and around your ankles. 

He parts your knees, leaving you lewdly spread in his lap.

 “So pretty.” He gathers from where you’re wet and drags fingers around your lips, avoiding your clit, leaving it cold and aching. He surprises you with his middle finger sinking inside, holding you in the palm of his hand. 

You try to get control again, grabbing his other hand, wanting to bring it where you need it most. 

“Uh-uh,” he says, over the ruse and wanting to be in control. 

“You said I should show you,” you say, breathless.

“I changed my mind,” he protests. 

His two fingers pushed up inside pull out and drag up with pressure out of your entrance and over your clit, then back down the same path before sinking them deep inside again. Again and again he does this, feeling the deepest part inside you and rubbing over your sensitive clit, until your knees are buckling again.

 He uses his free hand to open them more forcefully, keeping you exposed.

 Now, just the pads of two fingers brushing over you, not too fast or slow, just the right speed to be squirming beneath him as he whispers filthy praises in your ear.

Can feel his cock pressing into your back as he rolls his hips into you. 

You turn over, one step from mounting him, eager to get his cock inside before he halts your hips.

“More of this,” he says, fingers still working on you. You move a little closer, straddling his thigh. 

You reach down to pull his cock from his sweatpants, grazing fingertips over his cock. At least, what you can reach from this height. He jolts at the gentle touch, using his free hand to grip your hip.

You moan at the way his skillful fingers move on you. You lower yourself onto the bare skin of his thigh so you can properly grasp him and relax your body. He groans at the first full stroke of his cock.

You reach to the bedside table for a bottle of lube and pour drops over his shaft. You spread yourself over his thigh as you stroke him, finding your hips beginning to roll. He wastes no time and snatches the bottle to pour over the estate you’ve claimed on his leg, making everything that much more slippery. 

Your eyes roll back from the friction his warm, muscular thigh provides. It covers, rubs, and presses against every centimeter of your pussy. 

“I can’t believe we haven’t done this before,” you manage through shaky breaths. 

You keep your strokes even and strong, pushing down on his balls and letting his tip drag through your fingertips, hand gliding over him. His head falls backward. 

“Stop,” he moans, removing your hand from his cock. He exhales, so close already. His tip is dripping. Leaking and red. So hot to see him this way, hungry and eager. “Why is your hand so much better than mine?” He pants, letting go of your wrists. He pulls your arms over his shoulders.

He takes a break, placing both hands on your hips and watching you. You grind on his leg, sliding back and forth on his smooth skin.

“Does that feel so good?” he taunts.

You can only nod and grind your hips faster. He flexes his leg, pushing up, and the pressure builds in your belly. 

Mischievous laugh. “Are you gonna come for me, baby? Just like this?” He taunts, slowly palming himself again. It’s sexy. You’ve hardly ever seen him touch himself like this with eyes locked on you. The images he gives fuel you.

You match your hips with his stroke, drag your lips between your teeth and let it wash over you, moaning as it pulses through you. He gives your ass a spank when you come.

You dismount him with shaky legs and he lays you flat on your back, still palming himself at the sight of you. You take over again, twisting and turning your wrist over him, loving having control of him like this. 

He reaches between your legs and fingers, still giving your oversensitive pussy attention. The stroking is lewd. Lubed and wet. His eyes are glued to your hand, enjoying himself. 

“Baby_” he moans. “Baby, I’m gonna come, fuck,” and his fingers go still inside you.

White ropes of cum spill over your tits and tummy again and again as you stroke and wring him dry. He pants and spreads the cum with his fingers, painting your chest and swirling it over your nipples. He presses his fingers to your lips and groans as you suck them clean. 

He lies next to you and kisses you, grabbing some clothing nearby to wipe you up. 

He lays his head on your chest. “Missed you,” he says, one more gentle peck. 

“Missed you,” you reply. 

He spoons behind you as you both come down, looking out the window. 

“Of all the things I thought we might do today… this was not on the list. We hardly got your pants off,” you joke.

“Well, we have plenty of time before sunrise.”                  

[lets-donate-a-kidney]

Reasons to Donate a Kidney

You can make terrible, terrible kidney puns, and no one can stop you from kidney-ing around.

The average lifespan on dialysis is only 5-10 years. You might extend someone's life by 20 years or more!

Dialysis is painful, exhausting, prevents a person from holding a regular work schedule or traveling, and weakens their body over time. Eventually, it fails. You'd be freeing someone to have a normal life.

You aren't just helping the recipient: you're giving something priceless to all the friends and family members who care about that person.

Kidneys from living donors have a higher success rate than kidneys from deceased donors, and last for twice as long!

You might start a kidney chain, in which multiple people receive kidneys! The longest chain on record gave kidneys to over 100 people - and was started by a stranger who didn't know any of them.

Over 80,000 people in the USA alone need a kidney transplant, and several thousand die every year waiting for one. But if even just 1 in 1000 adults donated a kidney, we could wipe out the waiting list overnight.

Kidneys almost always fail in pairs. Your chance of kidney failure isn't much higher with one kidney compared to two.

You get cool donation scars to show people!

Kidney donors actually live longer than the general population, and have a lower rate of kidney failure! Why? Because the screening process for kidney donation screens out potential illnesses early, and kidney donors are more likely to take care of their bodies afterward.

If your remaining kidney does fail, you'll be put at the top of the kidney wait-list, and spend much less time on dialysis. As a result, kidney donors actually have a higher survival rate for kidney failure than non-donors.

The National Kidney Registry also lets kidney donors extend this waitlist benefit to several friends and relatives, in case any of them ever have kidney failure.

The risk of long-term complications from kidney donation is extremely low. Most people can start walking within a day of surgery, go back to work in 1-2 weeks, and are back to 100% within a month.

Doctors and nurses LOVE doing living donor transplants! The success rate is high, complications are low, there's none of the tragedy associated with postmortem transplants, and for once their patients are eager to be there. And, as my nephrologist said, "It's a lot more rewarding than prescribing Viagra!"

It's a way to put a little more kindness into the world, and your example might inspire others, too.

In the USA, all costs for surgery and screenings are covered by the recipient's health insurance or Medicaid/Medicare; you as the donor will not have to pay for it. You can also get reimbursement for lost income through the National Kidney Registry.

Most people will have to get surgery and spend a night in the hospital anyway if they live long enough. Donating an organ lets you have this experience on your terms, while you're healthy, so hospitalization won't be scary or overwhelming if you need it later in life.

You'll learn new things about your body! I discovered that I had an extra vein on the left side of my torso, and that my hemoglobin levels were low. The vein is harmless and cool, but the hemoglobin thing (and taking iron supplements for it) actually helped me avoid developing an iron deficiency later.

It's a chance to be part of something bigger than yourself - a miracle of modern science!

I won't say donating a kidney was "easy," but I will say it was 95% waiting on people, 4% letting doctors and nurses talk at me, and 1% letting them stick me with needles. The hardest part wasn't pain, or fear, but sitting around tired for a couple days.

You probably won't have to make many modifications to your lifestyle after kidney donation. Literally the only activity I was told to avoid was contact sports, and if I'm in pain I take acetaminophen instead of ibuprofen.

You can get a tattoo that says "Some parts may be missing," or "Organ donation - it takes guts!" and a kidney pillow souvenir.

If donating while alive isn't right for you, you can still sign up to be a postmortem organ donor, and increase awareness of living donation! Remember, it would only take a small percentage of people donating to make a BIG difference!

[anjiefiction]

Hello! Thank you for sharing your experience. I am very glad your appointment went ok and I hope your eyes are still doing good. I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to reply you... Truth is, I didn't really know how to parse my words well. I'll try to share my experience as clearly as I can. This got long so please bear with me.

I've dry MMD - there is an atrophied spot in my right eye. My left eye is holding up for now but the retinas in both eyes are dangerously thin.

My eyes are pretty sensitive to light and flashing light. I cannot watch shows/concerts with those as they make my eyes hurt.

I have lots of long, dark floaters in both eyes.

I can see reasonably well in the dark (with glasses) but struggle to see "dark/noir" screens - that is, those kind of shows or games that have a dark tone to them.

Currently, my eyes have been stable since my diagnosis in 2018, but I have been told this this atrophied spot may grow. Or, it may stay the same. Or it may break and bleed and develop into wet MMD. I really, really hope it doesn't and I'm so sorry you're going through that now. Reading stories about how some have lost their eyesight to MMD really hasn't been good for my mental health, and I've tried to stop doing so, though I do get terribly stressed and anxious before my eye exams or when I have days where my eyes are so tired that I can't see that 6/12 line. Because it's such an unpredictable disease, there's really not much to do, unfortunately...but I just have some bits of advice on trying to survive this situation:

1. Take regular eye breaks and eye vitamins. Lutein supplements may not prevent or stop MMD entirely but they do protect the retinas to some extent, so at least it can hopefully slow its progression.

2. Eat healthy and keep fit. High blood pressure/sugar/cholesterol can affect those blood vessels in the eyes, so it's even more important for us to eat healthy!

3. If you're like me and have an eye chart at home to monitor how your eyes are doing each day, don't stress too much if your eyesight changes day by day. There will be good days where you can see the 20/20 line, and days where you can't see even five lines above that. Sometimes the eyes are just like this.

4. Monitor your eyes daily with an Amsler grid. If you do see any changes, immediately mark out what you 'see' in the square and book an appointment with your opthamologist or retinal specialist.

5. Start familiarizing yourself with Screenreader and voice commands. It's easier to learn when you still have usable vision.

6. This may sound a little more paranoid on my part but - start making preparations for the possibility of blindness. What apps can you use to help with daily tasks? Is your home accessible enough? How can you complete daily chores without sight? What are some (new) hobbies you can take up that don't require sight? I admit I'm still finding my way around this too, but it has helped, marginally, in giving me some degree of control over a situation where I otherwise have none.

Here are a couple of blind people I follow whom have been extremely inspiring:

1. In Sight: Full Life - The author of this blog suffers from MMD too; she talks about it here.

2. Can See Can't See - While Claire lost her sight due to other causes, she is a very inspirational figure, and I love her videos.

3. This blog hasn't been updated in a long while but I'm sharing it here too, because it has a collection of posts and comments from those who too have MMD: My Eyes Diary

Finally, most importantly: Live in the moment and appreciate the small things. Stop reading things online on how bad things can be, because that will only make you feel god awful. I've been there, a lot, and...it really isn't a good place to be. It's definitely hard to be optimistic given that sight is literally something that affects everything, and it can sound so so cliche and tone deaf to speak of "being positive", but worrying won't make our eyes better. So... Just try I suppose. Treasure the time now where you can see and make the most of it.

Since this is so long already, please dm me or send anon asks if you wish to talk more about it or if you want me to share any other resources I have been using! I hope you do see this, and I hope you'll be able to enjoy all your life with reasonably good sight.

Hi everyone, I’m back! Or at least, I will be soon. I apologise for the inactivity the past month or so - I hadn’t been able to summon the energy to think about writing due to health. Some background about it:

A few years ago, I was diagnosed with myopic macular degeneration. In essence, my degree of myopia is so extreme that it has thinned out my retinas to a dangerous extent. There’s a constant risk that one day, my retina cells will die. And when that happens, I will be blind.

It’s… very difficult to put into words just how terrifying that prospect is. And a few weeks ago, exactly what I had been fearing to see happened: A black spot appeared in my vision. And then a hooked grey line appeared too.

It scared me so badly, because although I have been living with several floaters for a long time, these were new, and very black. I had been told that these could point to tears or changes in my retina; or in other words: a deterioration of my eye condition. The fear of being blind sooner than I can think of being was just… very exhausting. It stole away any ability to create, until I had some confirmation of what I was seeing.

Well - my appointment is over now, and thankfully those two black spots are nothing more than floaters. My retinas are holding up for now. I’ll need some time to get back into the grove, but my Monday I will be writing again.

And a little note to anyone who can relate: If you yourself are suffering from MDD, or a sight-threatening disease, or if you know someone who is - please, please feel free to DM me! I know how isolating and terrifying it is to consider a life without sight.

[paperstorm]

_The more I read about the break up and how heart broken carlos was the more I get pissed at tk...yes I understand that what carlos did was wrong but damn tk's reaction was so OVER THE TOP, he acted like carlos and their relationship is worth less then nothing to the point where he made carlos doubt his love...not gonna lie I'm still angry that they made carlos forgive him so easily..it gives the impression that tk can hurt carlos as much as he wants with no consequence because carlos will forgive him every time._

I've seen so many people say this and that tk doesn't deserve carlos and I want to know your take on this because I really love to read your thoughts on tarlos🧡

So I just wanna preface everything by saying that I am deeply, unbearably in love with Carlos Reyes. I just. Adore him. I love him so much. I love his heart and his kindness and his caretaker nature and he’s just so so so good. He is my favourite he is my angel I love him absolutely to pieces.

But I understand TK. Maybe because we’re alike, maybe because we’ve had similar lives in a lot of ways and we have similar scars and types of damage that we carry with us. And I just don’t get anyone who feels the way the person you quoted does. He makes mistakes and he hurts people like literally every human but then he learns and he tries to be better and really what more can we ask for than that? And how boring would a character be if they were perfect, if they had no flaws, if there was nothing we could point to and say “oof he shouldn’t have done that but I get why he did”, because isn’t that what’s interesting about a well written character? That they’re so unbearably human? That they’re complex and you can see bits of yourself in them, both good parts and bad parts? Idk I will never understand this need some people have for their characters to be perfect and ethical and the absolute model of mental health at all times. That sounds dreadfully boring to me. Even children’s media isn’t that reductive so why would you want your adult media to be?

I’ve never gotten the impression that the writers intended us to think TK can hurt carlos as much as he wants and always be instantly forgiven. I think it’s very much implied that they had a lot of long, difficult, but ultimately healthy conversations while TK was in the hospital, sorting out all their issues that had gone unaddressed. I wish we’d gotten to see it on screen! But I understand this is an ensemble show and there isn’t always time for everything. But I think it’s crazy to assume they didn’t and Carlos just instantly forgave him. That requires someone to completely have blinders on about all the times the show HAS shown them having healthy communication, which tbh is more than any show I’ve ever seen. That isn’t a good faith reading of the intentions of the writers.

And I just. I don’t ever want to gloss over the fact that what makes their breakup so interesting from a character standpoint is that it’s both of them who were wrong. Carlos is my beloved and I don’t like what he did. Owning real estate is a financial burden, even if you have a good job. It’s something that you have to put money into on basically a daily basis, with mortgage payments, with renovations, with repairs when shit breaks. Putting that onto someone else without asking them first is not being respectful of that other persons agency. I too would have bristled if I were TK.

Because the thing is, TK might have been fully on board with this, if Carlos had asked first. If Carlos had said “I love you, and I know how much you love this place, and I want us to have a home together. I know you can’t afford it but I can, and I want to take care of you and provide for you.” Maybe TK would have said yes. Maybe TK would have found that a beautiful gesture and sweet and loving and maybe he would have been over the moon about it.

Or, maybe he would have said “you know what, I love you too, but that makes me uncomfortable because it makes me feel like we aren’t equals. Why don’t we get an apartment together and save some money for a while and then we can buy a place together when we’re both able to contribute to it.”

The point is, tk didn’t get to make a decision that felt right to him, because Carlos took the choice away from him. And I love Carlos with all my heart, and I know he was trying to be romantic and trying to give TK a home and trying to do this big, beautiful declaration of love, but I personally don’t find that particular gesture to be one I would be comfortable with so I understand why TK didn’t either.

Now, the way that TK reacted to it is a different story, and that’s definitely where he was wrong. TK had a learned habit/coping mechanism of running away, often because he gets upset and then he can’t get the right words out to explain himself and he gets frustrated when he’s being misunderstood and he leaves. That’s his issues causing unhealthy communication and that’s something that he needed to work on, and it’s evident in canon that he did work on it because by 3x13 he wasn’t running away anymore. He was communicating firmly but kindly to Carlos what his needs were, he wasn’t being a doormat, but he didn’t run away when they disagreed. And I adore that growth. It’s so good satisfying to watch them grow. That’s what a good person does. Not never make a mistake, but learn from it and recognize when you’ve acted badly and work to correct that behaviour. They both do that in this show and honestly if these mostly angelic fictional characters don’t deserve love then I guess none of us do because real humans are far more imperfect. And idk, isn’t that what makes us beautiful?

[kitmoas]

Dom mutt headcannons?

oooo okay! Im trying to get better at writing hcs! SO bare with me :) (side note Kate's "dommy" name is puppy)

It got long so it’s under the cut :)

Kate can't sit still herself-- so sitting pretty for a dommy puppy doesn't last longer before she's petting and playing with Toy

Kate is a complete Ipad kid so when she's feeling more dominant she has Toy kneel in front of her seat to hold her ipad. If Toy makes the screen shake then there is a punishment

Aftercare with Kate is the sweetest thing to ever exist. She always loves to make sure every single part of you is okay. She gives Toy SO many kisses and cuddles, but as soon as Toy is calm and at least a little less floaty Kate is pulling them up to do something a little active (dancing in the kitchen, baking, orrrr you know... round 3)

Because Kate is new to indulging her dominant side, but she's always been able to accidentally make Toy sway around the border of subspace. Something about the chaotic loving golden retriever Pup has always had this calming vibe to it, and it lets Toy feel safe to be vulnerable enough to slip into subspace easy.

Speaking of accidentally slipping into subspace. Kate is all over the place and any time she’s feeling sorta dominant, she EXUDES that vibe. She’s enthusiastic with everything she does but sometimes she isn’t ready to really deal with the responsibilities of being a dom because she isn’t used to it. So its always a little bit clumsy and Wanda is around a lot to help.

Kate is surprisingly a pretty strict domme when she wants to be. She takes your health and well being very seriously, and because of that she does set up rules that you have to eat and drink, shower, and maintain a healthy lifestyle. The only real difference between Kate and Wanda’s rules is that Kate is a gen z. She says keep hydrated—what she means is drink something because she too only drinks energy drinks and iced coffee. She says eat food— but without WandaNat around she too eats Dino nugs and pizza every day.

A goal for Kate is to have Toy automatically go stupid brained whenever Kate, and kate only, shoves her fingers into their mouth. She wants Toy to completely just.. go boneless, brainless, and just sorta slack as she sucks on her fingers. The perfect little chew toy for the puppy to fuck around with. (Kate is far from this goal, but Toy is obsessed with it and because of their love for it -it might just happen sooner than most think)

The brainless chew toy with the fingers in their mouth is ONLY for Kate because no one else needs a chew toy. Meaning no one else should be able to ever bring that out of Toy—at least in Kate’s eyes.

Kate isn’t always possessive but when Puppy Kate is in completely out if anyone looks at Toy then she is gonna mark the fuck outta toy. Doesn’t matter where or when, Kate will yank Toy’s head back and leave a new mark somewhere on their neck.

Speaking of FULL blown Puppy Kate, the first time Kate is fully dominant with no traces of the mutt or stray; she makes Toy sob. Afterwards Toy is just like :O can we do that again. And Kate is just like :) I dont know what i did. Because it wasn’t even sexual. Wanda is off to the side literally like :| I’m dealing with idiots.

Punishments for Kate are very much non -sexual and are Wanda inspired in almost every way. She believes in basic punishments if its just Toy acting out, but will get more creative with her punishments as she grows to be be confident.

Kate isnt much of a caregiver, at least not like Natasha or even Wanda. She gives more of an amazing babysitter vibe. She likes taking care of little Toy though. She does think thumb sucking is gross (dont come at her for making Toy suck on her fingers in every other moment) so she buys toy HELLA pacis.

Okay this is getting a little long so imma gonna stop it now :)

[sugamamacustard]

Let Me Help You (Part. 2)

Pairing:  Alpha! Toru Oikawa x Omega! Reader, Alpha! Issei Matsukawa x Omega! Reader, Alpha! Takahiro Hanamaki x Omega! Reader

Genre: Angst, fluff, Hurt/comfort.

Request: Oh boy, here we go!

Anon: hi!! can we get more of the omega depression drabbles/one shots? i would really like to see mattsun’s version and other characters you can think of!! the more angsty the better ;)p.s. luv your writing <3 also stay healthy, safe, and drink water !!

Anon:  Can you make part 2 of let me help you please. if not it’s fine with Mattsun and Makki

Anon: Could you do part 2 for the let me help you with makki and mattsun please if not that’s fine this is also my first time requesting something so i’m kinda nervous💕 

(Don’t be nervous at all, you did amazing!)

Anon:  Mamas, can I order a continuation of let me help you?? Please?? I need some fluff after that hurt 💕💕💕🥺🥺🥺

(Mamas anon! :DDD)

Anon: omg i love the omega depression!! please continue with the rest of the third years or a pt 2 with oikawa’s !! i love your writing!!

@bohica160​: Could we possibly get a part 2 with Oikawa please?  👉 👈  🥺

And I think that was all? You guys just really wanted this, and who am I to deny you? 

Summary: Because of unseen circumstances, you drop, and you drop hard. How does your alpha help you/redeem himself? 

Author’s Note:  I kinda wanna post some self-indulgent OC stuff on here, but idk. It’s kinda crack-y and stupid. Also, we love to see a healthy relationship. Like Hanamaki’s and Matsukawa’s are so soft. Also, also, please note Hanamaki’s is heavily based off of my own experience with depression and the events after with my best friend, whom I will love and cherish forever. 

Requests: Open!

Part 1:  Here!

➵ You drop was actually out of anyone’s control.

➵ Omega drops rely heavily on hormone balances, much like depression, and it seemed like this month just wasn’t your month. 

➵It was hard to exactly pin point when it got bad, or when you started experiencing symptoms, as they were slow and not necessarily noticeable.

➵A missed lunch here, a small scent shift there. 

➵Small things that neither you nor Takahiro would notice. 

➵It was much like a rollercoaster, inching higher and higher until the drop would come. 

➵ Honestly, both of you thought you were fine, and since you were around both of your mutual friends (The Seijoh Team)  enough no one could really point it out. 

➵ It truly was a bad situation all around.

➵ You only really began noticing after a few days of ignoring lunch in a row. 

➵ It hit you when you were sitting in the library, stomach clutching with hunger as you scanned through a textbook. 

➵ You attempted to get up and go find Takahiro to go get something to eat, but you just...didn’t. 

➵ You couldn’t find the energy to stand, much less walk, and just stayed seated

➵ You just couldn’t move. 

➵Like a million bags of sand were tied to your hips weighing you to the chair. 

➵ You swallowed tightly, rolling your shoulders before stuffing your text book into your bag, trying to breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. 

➵Deep breaths. Thats what you needed to focus on right now.

➵ But then you couldn’t. You were hyperventilating, and white-knuckling the edge of the table as your vision turned blurry and watery. 

➵ The cramping from your hunger combined with the sudden rush of emotions made you want to vomit.

➵ Before you could, you slung your backpack over your shoulder, bolting out of the library.

___

Laughter and chuckles were heavy as Takahiro gave a hearty chuckle at something Matsukawa said, shaking his head before taking a swig from his energy drink. His eyes darted to his phone every now and again, just checking to make sure you didn’t need him. 

You would always come first to him. 

When his screen lit up with your beaming face shining up at him, he quickly swiped to accept holding it to his ear, watching while the team laughed at Oikawa, who was shielding himself from Iwaizumi.

“Hiro?” 

“Shooting star?” His brows furrowed as he slowly began cleaning his stuff, straightening himself up so he could leave as soon as possible if you needed him; which, guessing by your home, you did. 

“I-I think something’s wrong.” You paused, making his heart drop. “I don’t know, but I think I need to go to the doctor, but, I know this is a lot so feel free to say no, can you-”

He didn’t let you finish. “Tell me where you are and I’ll come pick you up and drive you. Do you need me to call and book an appointment?” 

A few of his packmates turned with worried eyes, trying to send a non-verbal question. Well, for most of them. Oikawa was trying to whisper-yell his questions, Iwaizumi trying to shut him up. 

“I’m at the front of the school. I’ll just meet you at your car.” 

“I’ll be right there, shooting star. Stay safe, okay? I love you, and I’ll see you soon Omega.” Takahiro waited for your reciprocation and own farewell before hanging up, quickly standing and swinging his leg over the bench and grabbing his bag. 

“Makki-kun, is Y/N-chan okay?!” Oikawa screeched after him, actively crawling onto Iwaizumi, who looked like he was ready to commit first-degree murder. 

Makki threw up a thumbs up behind him, waiting till he was out of the cafeteria before sprinting towards the parking lot. 

He hoped, with every inch of his body, he didn’t lie to his captain. 

___

“Take your pills.” 

“Alpha, they taste horrid-”

“I don’t care, they make you feel better.” 

Takahiro watched you carefully, handing you two of the teal and white pills. The alpha was strict on very few things with you, but your health he did not fuck with. 

The appointment with your doctor went fine, with minimal blood work done, and you were sent off with a prescription for hormone balancing pills. You and Takahiro (Who was absolutely divine during the entire thing) were explained how the pills worked and why you dropped, all of which was simple enough to understand. Since then, Takahiro was insistent on you taking the pills in front of him. 

“Open.” Takahiro demanded, watching as you stuck your tongue out. He moved your head by your chin, checking the very corners of your mouth. “Lift your tongue.” 

You did so, showing nothing. He hummed in approval, letting go of your chin before pausing, pulling you close so you could hear his heartbeat. 

“Thank you for caring, Hiro.” You whispered, wrapping your arms around his neck and nuzzling into your alpha’s neck, taking in his scent. 

“Thank you for telling me about this and letting me help you.”  He responded, pressing a sweet peck to your temple and reminding himself you were still here in his arms. And would be with him for a long, long time. 

➵ Your drop was a mix between miscommunication and little whispers in your ear.

➵ Honestly, there was a reason you were in a pack with minimal other omegas. 

➵ They grew catty and mean and vindictive if there was something they didn’t like.

➵It was one of their many flaws and strengths. 

➵You yourself had caught yourself bad-mouthing another omega to your alpha every now and again. 

➵ Though you hated doing it, at some point it was just second nature.

➵ You and Issei had good communication though, and very rarely did something as silly as jealousy come between you two.  

➵ whenever something was bothering you or your alpha you would talk it out.

➵ You both trusted each other completely. 

➵ If something felt off about another person, you were quick to mention it to the other. 

➵ However, sometimes things got complicated.

➵ Insecurities seeped through your walls that Issei kept strong for you.

➵And sometimes, small little whispers became hurdles and boulders pounding against your defenses and breaking them down. 

➵Leaving you open and stumbling. 

➵ And sometimes, because of this you forgot that you had back-up, an artillery that would fight for you at the drop of a hat. 

➵ And those moments, that ones were you were caught with your tail between your legs and ass in the air waiting to be fucked over, were when you truly crumbled. 

➵And though it broke you down and made you hurt, your artillery had your back.

___

“Issei, I was-”

You bit your tongue as you were roughly shoved to the side by Akina Harakashi, the omega throwing herself at your alpha. His face remained unmoved and his arms by his side. 

She was his science partner for the semester, and though Issei reassured you she was nothing more, you couldn’t help but internally whine at how she acted with him. It was no secret that she liked him, but since you and Issei kept you relationship on the down low, rumors were bound to pop up. 

And though you didn’t let it show, they poked and prodded at you. Make your skin crawl as you ventured deep into your own mindset. Thoughts that would plague your every move and drive your omega into overdrive as they tried fixing whatever you picked on in your own reflection. 

You shivered as she looked up to Matsukawa, who was busy focusing on entering his locker combo. 

“Mattsunnnn~ I’ve missed you!” Her voice was literal nails on a chalkboard to you. 

“I saw you twenty minutes ago.” Matsukawa hissed as his locker popped open. “I haven’t seen you recently though, pretty thing.” 

Your omega purred as Issei grabbed his textbook, closing his locker and pushing past Akina. He smirked down at you, intertwining your pinkies in the most discreet way possible before walking you to class. 

You glossed over his question when he asked you how lunch went. 

___

“Do you think Harakashi and Matsukawa are dating?”

“It wouldn’t surprise me, have you seen how she hangs off of him?”

“I think they’d make such a cute couple!” 

“If Matsukawa doesn’t ask her out soon, he’ll loose her.” 

You kept your head down and scent blocking collar tight as you slowly crept through the hallway, exit in front of you. Honestly, you didn’t have the energy to continue on with the day, so you were leaving it the midst of lunch, where you could loose yourself in the crowd and disappear. 

You wanted nothing more than your alpha, but his last message had your eyes stinging. 

‘Harakashi asked me to meet her at lunch, so I won’t be able to see you. Eat something. At this point, I’ll even take junk food. Just get some food. I’ll see you after school.’

It shouldn’t hurt as much as it did, but it stung you deeply. This was it. This was the downfall of your and your alpha’s relationship. You were blown off for Akina Harakashi at long last. 

The rational part of you wanted to defend Matsukawa, but every time you tried, the insecurities that had been bubbling within you spit towards the rational part of you and your omega, throwing any redeeming thought into the corner to rot. 

A part of you was angry. Angry with Matsukawa for letting this happen. Angry with yourself for not speaking up. Angry with your fucking stomach which groaned for food of any sort. Livid with Akina for trying to steal Mattsun. 

Angry at the world. 

You couldn’t really remember the last time you ate anything besides...air. The days all blurred together in one miserable run. 

“What did I say?” 

You glanced over at Matsukawa, heart leaping at the jump he gave you appearing out of nowhere, leaning on the wall beside you.  You huffed, turning away from him and leaving him to follow after you. He did so, jogging a bit to catch up. 

“You said I’d see you after school. This is not after school.” You snapped, growling at the alpha. He raised a brow, either in disbelief at your attitude or amusement.

“Omega. I said eat. This doesn’t look like eating.”  His longer legs gave him the chance to cut in front of you, face now set in anger. 

“You also said you had to meet with Harakashi. So scurry along to your new play thing.” You shoved past Matsukawa, trying to ignore the stinging in your eyes. 

“What are you talking about?!” Issei smartened up, grabbing your wrist when you tried leaving him behind yet again, now visibly irritated. Truth be told, he was meeting up with Harakashi to put an end to her insistent clinginess. To put her in her place, beneath you. 

She tried confessing to him before he even looked up, coming into the room with her arms outstretched already, yelling about ‘I knew you felt the same’ or something . He dodged her, sneering down at her and snapping at her to leave him alone or he’d go through the semester alone (Which he already talked to the teacher about, but she didn’t need to know about that). 

Hanamaki had been his eyes when he wasn’t there, reporting back to Matsukawa with updates on you. His latest? You had been missing from lunch for the better part of the week, and last he saw you were ditching the last half of this day. 

Which Matsukawa wasn’t letting happen, because if you went home right now, you wouldn’t come back. And he couldn’t live with himself if he let you drop. 

“I was meeting with Harakashi to tell her to piss off. You’re my omega. Why in the hell would I even want someone like her when I already have you? You are mine, and I fought for you. I don’t need a corner worker.” 

Any fight you had in you disappeared when you saw the small tears glazing your alphas eyes, making your own break free as you ran into his chest. His arms locked around you, holding as if you would slip away if his grip loosened. 

Which you just might’ve. Good thing he wasn’t planning on letting you slip. 

“Wanna go get food?”

“...Yea. Can we get nuggets?”

“Anything for my pretty omega.”

➵ Okay this one is super short, and I’m sorry! I just wanted to get this out for you guys!

➵ And I think you guys wanted a follow up of sorts for Oikawa. 

➵So here it is!

➵ Things didn’t improve over night. 

➵It took awhile, but it was worth it. 

➵ In time you and Oikawa reached a nice equilibrium.

➵ He wore his bond mark loud and proud and you made sure to tell him when you were uncomfortable with his fangirls and how close they were getting.

➵ In turn, you learned to slowly let go of any reservations you had on his loyalty. 

➵He wouldn’t have marked you if he didn’t want to devote his entire being to you. 

➵ This showed up when a girl, who you despised (With no hard feelings, since she hated you just as much) tried confessing to Oikawa. 

➵Toru, baby boy, shut her down the minute she opened her mouth. 

➵ He didn’t even look her way, instead searching for you and quickly brightening up when he saw you.

➵ If he had a tail it would’ve been wagging. 

➵ Things improved and everyone was all the better for it. 

➵ And Toru made sure to, not only apologize to Iwaizumi, but gift him a voucher for a free movie for him and his omega (who was having a hard time as well).

➵Things were looking up and you both were sure to  keep it that way!

___

“Kentaro, please don’t hurt Kindaichi!” Your pleas fell on deaf ears as you tried to stop the alphas from snapping on each other. 

It wasn’t that Kyoutani didn’t like or respect you, because he did-- you were like a second mom, but Kindaichi just got on every single one of his nerves. And then tried dragging you into it! Like, the audacity of this bitch. 

“Kyoutani!” Your alpha’s bark had both the blond and raven pausing, a careful glance making both back down as Oikawa heading towards you guys (Throwing a pile of confession letters into the trash on his way by without even looking; some point they would get the hint if he left the blatantly in the open). 

The blond growled lowly, sending you a quick glance before returning to practice. Oikawa let him, turning his glare to the instigator of the whole thing. The onion-headed pup hid behind your smaller frame, making your laugh. 

It was almost like that moment when dad’s pulled out their ‘behave or else’ voice. And in a way it was. 

“One of these days my pretty dove won’t be there to save you, Kindaichi.” 

“I know.” 

You and Oikawa sent a look to each before you laughed, moving so Oikawa and Kindaichi could have a ‘man to man’ talk. 

The pack was dysfunctional, and you almost let it go. 

You were thankful you didn’t and still had this family to come back home too.  All thanks to your alpha. 

“STOP MAKING GOO-GOO EYES AT YOUR OMEGA SHITTY-KAWA.”

“I can’t help it, Iwa- IWA STOP HITTING ME- Y/N HELP-” 

You shook your head laughing, jogging to save said alpha. 

He was childish and arrogant, and sometimes got too far up his own ass, but he was yours. And you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

[iamanartichoke]

Another totally unprompted ask, on the assumption that you are definitely no longer in need of them… another thing I’m trying to work out about Loki characterisation in preparation for perpetrating fic torture on him is how suicidal the poor sod is most of the time. This is another thing I’ve seen referred to a lot but only in passing. Though obviously this is a pretty triggery topic, so ignore if you want.

I am always in need of totally unprompted asks, otherwise I just assume no one wants to talk to me lmao

So, hoo boy. I have been mulling over this for, apparently, three days now bc there's just ... there's a lot to unpack here. Putting under a cut for obviously triggery content and also for length bc fml.

In my opinion, the response to "how suicidal is Loki most of the time" is "very, but whether or not he wants to do anything about it varies from moment to moment" (see what I did there? I'll see myself out). In other words, I have always had a headcanon that Loki is consistently, passively suicidal. This is a headcanon that comes straight from TDW, bc I'm certain that Loki never had any intention of surviving their mission. And that could be a whole other post, really, but the point is that even though this is a TDW-centric headcanon, I have come to adopt it as applying to Loki in general as well, not just in those specific circumstances.

When I say passively suicidal, I mean that Loki is just sort of ambivalent about the value of his own life. He feels like he doesn't deserve to be alive, and feels like there's little point in being alive. Which - I don't mean to sound all gloom and doom, like, poor uwu emo Loki (and I kinda hate that I have to pause to disclaim that, no, I don't just have a fixation on Loki being depressed for funsies/the aesthetic/whatever); I think that this mindset stems from really complicated places that I'm not sure I can articulate, but I will try.

I view Loki as someone who suffers from a severe inferiority complex, and I feel like it stems from being abandoned as an infant. Loki's life started with a traumatic event and, even if he doesn't remember the event itself, the feelings he experienced stayed in his subconscious. Feelings of loss, of fear, of despair and abandonment, of suffering - these are all feelings that burrowed into his bones and lived there for his entire life, feelings that colored how Loki viewed himself as a person as well as how he compared to the people around him.

Keep in mind that Loki didn't know he was abandoned until the events of Thor 1, obviously. We don't really know how old Loki is, in human years, but I have always assumed that he and Thor were at least adults (not teenagers), maybe the equivalent of early twenties - and the reason I bring that up is because it means Loki made it all the way to adulthood carrying the weight of a trauma that he did not remember or even knew had happened, so to him, there was no real reason for how wrong he felt. There was no explanation for the feelings of loss, of neglect, of fear. So on top of struggling with those feelings, Loki was also burdened with the alienation that comes with wondering why one can't just be like everyone else, why one can't just "snap out" of depression, why one's sense of self-worth has always been lacking.

So imagine what it's like to grow up as Loki. He was traumatized as an infant. The trauma has been with him his entire life, along with the confusion/alienation of not understanding why he feels the way that he does, and then on top of that, his basic personality lends itself toward introspection and isolation, so he likely felt even further removed from Thor and from his peers. Loki's too smart for his own good, and he's got an enormous capacity to feel and I feel like this is a combination that works against him as much as it does for him, bc it probably means he spent a lot of time examining himself and identifying all of his perceived flaws - and then berating himself for said flaws.

People with depression are probably pretty familiar with the bully that lives in your head, the one who is always there to remind you that you're stupid, or ugly, or that nobody likes you, or that you have nothing of value to contribute to anyone, etc. Loki's no different; he's got that bully in his head, too. Add onto this the fact that his brother is literally perfect, that he feels his father doesn't love him (or love him as much), that his interests in things like magic are looked down on in his culture, and that he's a prince (meaning that along with the privilege comes pressure, and being in the public eye, knowing that everyone around him is comparing him to Thor as much as he compares himself to Thor, well.) and you have a total clusterfuck of a mindset, and Loki's been existing inside of that clusterfuck for nearly all of his life.

I always go back to the quote where, when filming I think the vault scene, Kenneth Branagh directs Tom by saying, "This is the moment where the thin steel rod holding your brain together snaps." And it's such a significant moment for Loki bc this is where it all crumbles for him, learning the truth, but I also fixate on the "thin steel rod" part of the quote bc that's not how one would describe a healthy, stable person's mind. The implication, to me, has always been that Loki wasn't that stable to start with due to his general upbringing, his internal struggles, and his personality, so of course the devastation of learning he's adopted, and Jotun, would send him over the edge. One doesn't go from zero to 60; one doesn't fall over the edge unless they were balancing fairly close to it in the first place. And to me, the "thin steel rod" basically equals the aforementioned clusterfuck of a mindset.

THE POINT IS. (Holy shit, I ramble.) This is the foundation on which I'm basing my headcanon that Loki neither values his life nor feels as if he even deserves to live it - bc his default mindset is one of inferiority, of loss, of pain. And I think that going from being a general unstable person pre-canon to being passively suicidal post-canon is a thing that happened because, somewhere between the vault in Thor 1 and the dungeons in TDW, Loki just stopped caring.

Life is exhausting for everyone, but even moreso when your mental load becomes more than you can carry. Loki is exhausted. His experience is that things just keep getting worse and worse for him - he's never been valued, he's always been found wanting. He discovers that he was literally thrown away as an infant, unwanted and left to die, and things haven't gotten much better for him since then. Everything that can go wrong, does go wrong. His plans spin out of control. He's unable to prove his worth and his value and when he is, in fact, rejected, he literally tries to kill himself (only to survive and end up in an even worse situation).

It all just continually goes downhill, and Loki is fucking exhausted. He's done. He has no hope that anything is ever going to change - he will never be valued or even seen, he's unable to connect to anyone, he has no family (aside from Thor, but their relationship is so fraught with pain). As far as he's concerned, his life has been nothing but a waste since he was born and if no one else values it, why should he?

So - passively suicidal. He places no value on his life, and doesn't shy away from situations that could cost him his life. It's possible that the only reason he's not actively suicidal is bc his previous attempt not only failed but led to such a horrible situation that he's probably too afraid to intentionally seek out death again. He doesn't want to fail and end up worse off for it.

And - not that you asked this in particular, but - my biggest disappointment in the series is that none of what I've just written is addressed in a satisfying way (to me). That is, we don't get any real explicit acknowledgement of the trauma of Loki's abandonment as a baby or how that affected his mental health growing up; we don't get to explore how devastated he was to learn of his adoption; we don't ever see him reconcile his ingrained belief that jotuns are monstrous savages with the fact that he is jotun. He says "I betrayed everyone I loved, but I'm different now" and we're supposed to infer what he means without Loki actually articulating why he feels that he's the only one who should be held responsible for all these things that had happened or what "I've changed" even means to him (aside from not betraying Sylvie).

I would have liked to see these things addressed for a lot of reasons, but one of those reasons is that I would want to see how Loki comes to terms with all of his issues and his pain enough that he stops being passively suicidal. We never get to see that; after TDW, the time that passes allows for Loki to kinda chill, resulting in the Ragnarok version, but if there was any real healing or recovering going on, it was happening off-screen, with the audience expected to just go with "yeah Loki was going through it for awhile but he's kinda better now."

Furthermore, much of what I've written here is based on prime Loki's development through TDW, but doesn't account for series Loki's split from that timeline nor the theme of "Lokis survive" that's so prevalent in the series. So I don't think the "passively suicidal" headcanon is really appropriate for series Loki but, at the same time, I'd like to have seen why. I'd like to have seen Loki learning to value his life, or where the "we survive" mindset comes from, since that's not really been a thing before now. (Out of universe, I suspect it comes from the context of Loki just not dying whenever he tries to, but since TDW and IW haven't happened, and Loki didn't intend to survive his fall from the bifrost, framing Loki as an innate survivor doesn't really make sense, but to be fair, I'm just being picky.)

So, yeah. I'm not saying Loki doesn't experience growth or development in the series, I'm just saying that his arc left much unsaid and, furthermore, framing his growth as "wanting a throne to not wanting a throne" without addressing that Loki doesn't actually want the power of the throne, he wants the value and self-worth he associates with the throne, is - well, again, unsatisfying. Not bad, but it leaves viewers like me wanting bc we're cognizant of how much more could have been done.

I ... am going to end this now. This is probably nonsensical and all over the place, so I'm very sorry, and I'm sure this is why I don't get meta-starter asks lmfao bc no one's out here trying to read my dissertation submission for a Ph.D in Loki, but well, sometimes it just be like that.

Thank you for the ask and the opportunity to ramble.

[plussizeappreciationfics]

Series: Just the assistant..?

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x Plus sized reader

Summary: [Y/N], Tom's personal assistant knows that she shouldn't have fallen in love with her employer but she just couldn't help herself. When she thinks that her biggest wish is about to come true, a third party arrives and makes her question whether she'd ever have a chance to escape her situation and simply be loved back by the person she loves the most...

Warning(s): adult language

Word count: 2,3k 

Picture(s) found on: Pinterest/Google

CHAPTER TWO: The boundaries have been overstepped

“I’m fine, just make sure that the stylist closes the door behind her once you’re gone” [Y/N] spoke into her phone before letting out a soft cough, her throat sore and itchy. She heard a long sigh from the other end of the line and rolled her eyes.

“Tom, this isn’t the first time I’m sick. So what, I caught a cold a three days ago, it’s not the end of the world” she couldn’t see the actor’s frown increasing on his face as he listened to her weak voice explaining her situation. 

Hours before, the assistant had been tossing and turning in her bed for quite a while, her body not being at peace because it longed to be held again by Tom. She couldn’t stop thinking about the dinner, how intense his stares has been and how he suddenly seemed so interested in her. [Y/N] was staring at the dark ceiling of her room and shook her head in contentment, having a feeling that something special would happen to her very soon.

He felt bad because he technically had been the reason his assistant had gotten sick in the first place; After their celebration dinner, Tom had ended up not being able to fall asleep, so he had called [Y/N] over and they ended up stargazing in his backyard, barely speaking a word with each other. They just sat next to each other, shoulders and arms touching and looked up the beautiful sky with a faint smile ghosting on their lips.

By the time [Y/N] had returned home, she was a coughing and sneezing mess and thus resulted in her having to take a week off because she had caught a nasty cold. She was on her 4th day off and pretty much enjoyed not having to do much physical activity besides feeding herself and taking her medication on time.

“Tom? Are you still there?” the assistant asked, wondering why he was being so silent. The actor cleared his throat and felt his stomach churn in discomfort, the intense need to take care of [Y/N] making it hard for him to focus on anything else. He couldn’t have a good day while knowing that she was in poor health and discomfort, he wished that he could heal her with a simple hug but that was obviously impossible.

Her thoughts had been interrupted by Tom calling her, nervously asking her if his call wasn’t a disturbance because the world was fast asleep. [Y/N] gently told him that she hadn’t been able to sleep either before happily accepting his invitation to stargaze in his backyard as he had one of the best views.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m still here…Just let me know if there’s anything I can do for you. Anything. I-need you-I mean we need you strong and healthy again” Tom added a quick fake cough at the end as he had realized that he was starting to slip, he had been thinking about his assistant a lot the past few days and had found himself calling and texting her more than usual, she reciprocated to his mood and energy though. So he knew that he wasn’t bothering her at all.

Her stomach was fluttering in delight and she couldn’t help but smile and stare into space. Something is happening, Tom has been very attentive and kinda needy of my presence the last few days…Maybe he’s starting to feel the same way…Or maybe he’s going through something and is gathering the courage to finally share it with me…

“I’ll be fineeeeee, just don’t forget to tell me who your costars will be on the play. Bye” and with that, [Y/N] quickly hung up the phone before releasing the breath she didn’t know she was holding in. She had heard the slip up and forced herself to not read too much in between the lines. 

“Anyhow” [Y/N] muttered to herself while getting comfortable under the warm sheets of her bed. She still had three days of peace and quiet and was enjoying them by getting as much sleep as possible and catching up with her reading list. Today she would’ve had a busy day ahead; Tom had 2 talk shows appearances. 

She thankfully already had helped him arrange his wardrobe for the appearances through her phone and laptop, the stylist only had to come by and deliver the suits, which would be in an hour, but [Y/N] already had strictly (but kindly) instructed her to do her job and make sure that everything was alright with the clothes.

Tom had gotten a fresh trim the morning and had decided to let his long curls stay the way they were (because [Y/N] had voiced a nice compliment about the way it looked so the actor silently decided to grow it out a little more).

His driver was also on his way as he preferred to be driven to public events. Tom’s fans were known for blocking entries and streets once they’d know he’d be present somewhere. He loved his fans to death, but he knew that driving himself through a sea of frantic people (with his already bad eyesight) could cause a serious accident. 

Everything that had to be done, was done. So, [Y/N] was able to relax and focus on getting her health back on track.

She took one final glance at her phone before locking the screen and placing it on her nightstand, feeling tired and sore. It didn’t take her long to fall asleep, with her special someone lingering in her mind…

“What are you doing here?” [Y/N] wondered in confusion upon seeing Tom welcome himself into her home, his jacket already removed along with the shoes. He then made his way over to the couch where she comfortably seated, her phone in her hand and looking through her mails. She silently was thankfully for the shower she had taken thirty minutes ago because she looked like her normal self and also smelled good.

“I am here to keep you company on your final days off as I know that you have missed my presence oh so much” the actor added a dramatic sigh while sitting next to his assistant and appreciating her beauty from up close. “Of course did I miss you, I can’t stand to be parted from you for so long, oh my dear Thomas” she reciprocated his dramatic and sarcastic tone, although she was being completely honest.

Three days later

“Then we shall enjoy each other’s company before the hectic and busy world seeks our attention again, M’lady” the actor spoke with a chuckle, the bright smile on his face still very much present. He was wearing a simple pair of blue pants and his famous dark blue sweater, he looked as scrumptious as always. 

[Y/N] had to swallow hard as she forced her eyes to not scan him from head to toe, it would make it obvious that she was attracted to him, emotionally and physically. These next few hours certainly would be trick and tempting…

“Do you want to watch a movie?” Tom suggested, placed his arm around her shoulder and gave her a gentle squeeze for no reason at all (Well…we all know the reason, don’t we?). “Sure, you can pick one out!” [Y/N] spoke with excitement, euphoria pumping through her blood as she now knew that she was addicted to his touch. No one had ever made her feel so comfortable. She was a confident woman but to feel this extra layer of security and comfort just soothed her soul on the daily.

“We can watch whatever you want, darling” Tom mumbled, feeling a rush of contentment himself from purely having her this close to him. [Y/N] took the remote in her hand and opened the Netflix app, she looked through her daily suggestions and the top ten of most popular movies that were currently trending. Tom’s soft fingers were playing with the material of her shirt, reaching the hem of her sleeve and then smoothly drawing random patterns on her soft skin.

“How about Spirited Away? It’s been years since I’ve seen that masterpiece!” [Y/N] happily suggested, “Plus the movie also shows how love can be so strong, even when the two people barely acknowledge or talk about it. It’s all about the actions”. Hearing the short description had the actor instantly curious and so he agreed to watch it, despite never having seen it himself.

Both relaxed against the couch (yes, Tom’s arm still around [Y/N]’s shoulder, now having moved even closer so that their bodies were in constant contact), before the movie was playing on the screen. [Y/N] randomly explained certain scenes that had the actor a little bit confused and once he’d understand the reference or meaning behind it, he couldn’t help but lean in and whisper his thanks into her ear. To say that the tension was thick, sizzling yet light and delicate was an understatement.

__

[Y/N] slowly opened her eyes, letting out a tired sigh while slowly acknowledging the conscious world again. “Mhm” she mumbled, realizing that she had fallen asleep sometime during the movie. She was about to sit up straight when a strong, but gentle grip around her thick waist pulled her back.

Fuck.

She turned her head to look behind her and saw Tom sleeping peacefully, having lied down behind her at some point. He grumbled softly in his slumber before pulling her warm body closer to him again. [Y/N] felt like she was about to have a heart attack. But she still slowly repositioned herself in her previous position and stared at the TV screen.

She knew that they had overstepped a heavy boundary of their professional relationship. But did she feel bad? Nope. She felt so at ease, it was like his arms were made just for her. The current moment was one she had often dreamed about and to actually have the privilege to experience it was just indescribable.

“[Y/N]….” Tom whispered in his sleep, his voice low and rich with smoothness. He was literally trying to pull her into his body, his hands gently squeezing one of her stomach rolls. She felt his toned chest against her back along with the body heat he was radiating onto her, his head now nuzzling in the crook of her neck. When his soft breaths tickled her sensitive skin, [Y/N] thought that she was about to burst into flames. The acts were so intimate yet tender, everything she had always assumed about him now being true.

Tom Hiddleston was a clingy sleep cuddler.

“Fuck” she whispered again when he let out a content sigh, already having tears brim her eyes as this all felt like dream. The man she had been loving for three years now was finally reciprocating her love. 

[Y/N] closed her eyes and enjoyed the amazing feeling of pure love and joy, she even reached her arm out and gently ran her hand through Tom’s soft curls and sighed in pure delight herself. She wished that she could stay like this forever, just the two of them. 

__

“[Y/N]?”

Her eyes fluttered open and she (again) took acknowledgment of her surroundings. She still was lying on her couch, But Tom was now sitting next to her, along with two bags of takeout resting on her coffee table.

“Mhm? I’m awake” [Y/N] mumbled once her brain recognized the sound of Tom’s soft voice calling out for her.

“Are you hungry? I ordered Thai as it’s almost six in the evening and you haven’t eaten anything yet” his gaze was soft and kind. The assistant nodded her head and slowly sat up, silently comprehending that Tom had woken up after she had fallen back asleep again. She felt a pang of disappointment churn in her stomach once she also realized that he was pretending like nothing had happened.

“Thanks Tom, I must have fallen asleep. My bad”

But she also understood and accepted why.

“Nothing to be sorry about, I fell asleep myself and actually had a great rest. The past few days had been very stressful, and I had really needed an afternoon of peace and quiet. So thanks again, [Y/N], for letting me enjoy your company”.

Tom’s appreciation speech actually mended the disappointment she felt, she hadn’t known about the few sorrows and stressed he had had because he hadn’t voiced them to her at all, despite having texted and called her plenty of times throughout the day.

Wow…

“You’re welcome, Tom” was all she was able to respond before reaching for the takeout bags and looking at what deliciousness were awaiting her. She ignored his piercing stare, not knowing why she suddenly was the sole focus of his attention. It was hard doing so because she felt like his eyes were burning holes on the side of her face.

“You’re very beautiful, [Y/N].

She turned to him, a bright smile creeping upon her face as her heart skipped a beat. “Thank you Tom, you are handsome yourself”. He chuckled and finally looked down at his lap, a slight crimson shade appearing on his cheeks as he felt flustered and appreciated.

[Y/N] handed him the second bag of food before removing the items in her own bag. 

“That’s amazing! Do you want me to book a table at your usual restaurant?” [Y/N] asked while feeling happy for Tom’s friends, she knew that he’d have a blast with the play and that sole thought left her smiling to herself while the actor continued to share the details of the upcoming play to her, still sitting very close to her and barely being able to keep her eyes off her beautiful face.

“By the way, I have great news”, [Y/N] hummed as in indication that she was listening while continuing to unpack her food. “Charlie and Zawe have been casted as the other two main characters in the play! We’ll be all going to dinner tomorrow!”

Tag list: @jamesbarnesappreciationclubub  l @pleasantdreamqueen l @disneymarina l l @harleycativy  l @sparklemichele l @melaninmarvel l @amethyst09 l @the-force-of-imagines l @bossyboyd03 l @pebblesz892 l @stars8melanin l @brittyevans l @toc1985 l @janeyboo l @badassbaker l @winters-beauty l @cannonindeez  l @ilovefanfic86  l @adorablespecialsnowflakes l @brittanyovens l @kanupps06 l @jazmynejack l @thebookwormslytherin l @theunsweetenedtruth l @talannalew l @littlexmissxfandomxlover l @amethyst-dreams-and-candy-canes l @crimsonash330 l @booklover2929 l @aranelgrey l @panda-duuu l @thisismysecrethappyplace  l @titty-teetee l @honey-anon l @princess-evans-addict l @hp-hogwartsexpress l @malindacath  l @letsdisneythings l @scorpionchild81 l @shado-raven l @alisoncdariel l @plutoneu l  @queenoftheworldisdead l @briannab1234l @miyaeadys-blog l @thenamelesscorpse2185 l @hihellogoodbyebruh l @nackrosor l @nerdgurl1985 l @2darkskinbeauty l @bugngiz l @african-melanin-goddess l @barnes-wilson-love l @ktiz90 l @let-the-love-in l @forlornfortitude l @robinredboob l @hopefuloperaangelnerd l @kola95 l @partypoison00 l @alwaysadreamingoptimist l @reniescarlett l @g0thicdream l @mayasopinions l @captaintightpants58 l @leillee​ l @kayleighsimone​ 

-Emmanuelle 💋❤️

[kingv91]

Sometimes I wonder if people in fandoms that involve real people know what “keeping a healthy emotional distance” is.

I’ve seen many examples over the past year of people acting as though things that have been perpetrated against their stan or someone adjacent to their stan has affected them to a larger degree than what would be considered healthy.

This is not to say that being in a fandom is a bad thing, hell I’m part of several.

But when someone doesn’t live up to your expectations or you begin to idolize them to a terrifying degree that they literally can’t do anything wrong, or when they do the fall from grace is that much more devastating, you begin to see why this emotional distance is needed in fandoms.

People take things personally that weren’t even directed at them. Jokes that may land with the intended target suddenly become an attack on an entire faction of a fandom. Inside jokes told between band mates are now everyone’s problem when they seem to cause an issue from one day to the next.

We act like it’s our place to be a barrier between these people and the world (especially if they’re younger) when they don’t even know we exist. We’re just another face in the crowd to them, another warm body in a seat, and to their teams, another wallet to get money from.

So it all seems so cynical but really one has to keep in mind that this is actually how it’s supposed to be. We’re meant to support our stans, and stand behind them, but not be so emotionally attached to them that if they screw up we’re hurt too.

I doubt they want us to suffer for any failures, real or perceived, on their part.

Now this is not to say that we’re also meant to let their mistakes slide. Absolutely not.

We also serve as a barometer of sorts. When a celeb does something, if the fandom reacts positively, then they know it’s good. If they are unsure, they can research how the fandom has reacted to such things before.

Take NFT’s for example. No one really knows much about them, but fandoms have started to react negatively about them bc mining for the Etherium blockchain is terrible for the environment. So most celebs have steered clear from doing anything, but have continued to learn about them.

So to conclude this small stream of consciousness, keep a healthy emotional distance when engaging in fandom. Remember, it’s not real life and that you always have the option to unplug from a fandom on a permanent basis. Holding your stans accountable is fine, however I would add that one should always be ready with constructive suggestions on how they can learn and grow from their mistakes.

Keep account of your emotions. Remember, it isn’t your life you’re observing though a screen. What you decide to do and how you decide to react is completely up to you. Distance yourself if fandom becomes a trigger for you bc then it’s obviously become an unhealthy place for you. You’re health comes first.

[kkoongiee]

txt scenarios — txt comforting an overwhelmed s/o ‹𝟹

prompt, :00 txt + comforting a vv stressed s/o who hasnt eaten in a while because they were busy with school?? thank u sm ^^

## angst % gn!reader % wc: 1426 [ cursing, anxiety, depression, mental health discussion, ]

yeonjun will be worried the whole week before he comes by with a SHITTON of snacks because u deserve them??? ur still hunched over ur laptop and he goes to u and ur eyes are bloodshot .. hes like baby this won’t do .. 🧍 yeonjun will take over proof-reading for u while u get something to eat n go freshen up!!! he tells u to get into those jammies and he will be waiting for u to come back so he can finish up with u laying down next to him :((( he’ll prolly give u little pats on the head while he clicks away at keys to finish it up, if u can’t sleep then junnie will want u to talk to him about good things 🥺 he’ll listen to u talk about ur day and talk about what u r gonna do, then he’ll give u a gentle reminder that he loves u and that he wants u to take better care of urself!! yeonjun doesn’t want u to be hurting urself and neglecting urself because of school, he’ll be snuggling into u and tells u that he’ll be up to make u breakfast in the morning .. this boy is a saint!!! he will do anything and everything to make u feel good & keep u happy, he wants to see u and hear u always be lively 🥺 yeonjun does not mind picking up the slack around ur place, he just wants u to be healthy rly that’s all

soobin will ask u like .. can we go on a date?? later?? :] baby hasn’t seen u for the past week so he rllyyy wants to see u, but ofc he receives a no bc ur too busy?? so he’s like oh ok, i can just come over??? and ur like, no i’m busy i don’t want anyone over rn so soobin won’t accept that and ur room is dark asf, as well as the fact the house is a literal mess and not clean at all?? ur skimming thru ur books quickly, as if ur life depended on it which he presumed u thought that .. he’ll talk softly to u, hand on ur shoulder and presses a kiss to ur head :( ‘dont u think u should relax bub? 🥺 cmere’ ur kinda upset but u rllyyyy missed soobin and u just didn’t want to work anymore, so u supposed u could just take a moment to be with him?? ‘this is why u couldn’t come out with me?’ and u just nod softly ughh his heart would just hurt so bad 😭 rly it would, but to just hear u say u haven’t done like anything?? these past few days, cleaning, eating, laundry, or just going outside — this is not okay with him!!! he’ll order something for u & let u go take a shower/bath while he puts some of ur things in the laundry,, soobin wants u to relax and when u finish eating and close ur eyes to sleep,, he will begin on cleaning the place up 😣 he wants to take rly good care of u, the thought of u unhappy or sick and whatnot it literally hurts him to think of that, especially bc of school??? soobin hates school more than ever now

beomgyu will be coming over for his twice a week meet-up and he’s used to ur half clean half dirty place, but ur apartment is spotless?? there’s nothing in the sink, no food wrappers nada, no stray clothes on the ground so he’s like 🤨 something is wrong. then he remembers it’s time for exams and such + the added on school work and extra time spent studying??? like wtf??? beomgyu will find u on the bed, ur eyes are so tired and he can’t act like he hasn’t seen u like this before .. he’s seen this a few times - u disappear and u hole urself at ur place, beomgyu needing to talk u down and get u to come and rest. it pains him to see u so upset over being the perfect student, he could not care if u were as dumb as dirt (he appreciate the smarts too) but he thinks ur a pretty great student!!! gyu will pull u away from the screen and give u the tightest hug, which will probably lead to tears on ur part and he’ll pull u back on the bed. he already presumed u hadn’t ate or done anything for the week, so he already came prepared??? duh?? beomgyu know he can’t feel what you’re feeling or like help u thru all the rough patches, but u bet ur ass he will try his hardest to help u feel better or at least get u out of bed!!! he’ll talk for awhile, listen for the most part, and then gyu puts away everything so he can lay down on the bed without the stray papers and books poking him 🧍

taehyun is kinda used to it, he just seems like he wants to hear allll about u, the good and the bad and he is always checking up on you. he’ll know before hand about school and after a few days (he doesn’t wanna bother u he knows u like ur space sometimes and the last thing he would wanna do is interrupt ur zen mode during school cause he’d hate it if someone did that to him too) taehyun knows it’s time for him to go over to your house. u live in dorms with a friend, but it’s pretty empty most of the time and the house is cluttered but it’s usually like that,, however ur room is just .. a mess. he has to stop himself from thinking like wow this is bad, taehyun would never want to think bad of you — just sometimes he ponders on these small thoughts. he doesn’t interrupt u, he gives ur head a few pats before sitting on ur bed and watching u. he gets the feeling u haven’t been taking care of urself whatsoever, so he heads off to the kitchen for a water and an apple, very simple which taehyun doesn’t think you would refuse. when he deems its time to rest only five minutes later, there’s the whines because u don’t want to but taehyun insists. u can always finish tomorrow, or in a few hours if u be quiet .. u might cry or just stay silent, whatever it is — he’ll lay there quietly with you and he’ll just toy with your baby hairs before his hand rests on ur cheek, giving you a kiss that makes really anything feel better .. it’s all temporary because taehyun knows there definitely will be more tests and stress in the future, but he always has time in order to help u out.

huening kai 😭 well for starters, idk i feel like he’d be just a smidge sad that u didn’t tell him about these things .. but nonetheless he is over in a heart beat upon your phone call!! well he actually stays on the line the whole time for u, mostly because hyuka knows how nervous u are and he just wants u to not be alone :(( he has been there for a few anxiety attacks + he knows the feelings of stress from school all too well, so he wants to go out of his way to do these things for you. he’ll be so quick to come to u inside, asking silenty if u want to be touched or just left alone :( at that point ur heaving and huening kai is kind of petrified to leave u alone, so he just gets water and turns on the fan before coming back and sits there before easing into a hug, he can quite literally feeling ur heart nearly beating out of ur chest, but ur arms weakly wrap around him and huening kai is just like 🥺 because yes u r very cute but he feels awful for u!!! he’ll share a few words, mumbling to u and rubbing ur back because obviously u won’t go bounce back immediately but he treats u like u hung the moon!!!!!!! as for the fact he knows u haven’t done anything, the first evidence being yes your oily hair, hyuka is more comfortable with staying there until u fall asleep & then he’ll sneak off to make u something in the kitchen to make u something and then come to wake u up, it might be very simple like ramen 😭 but he puts all the effort and knowledge he has to make u happy

[joshslater]

Quarantine & VR

5500-word story, so I used the Keep Reading feature for once. Similar stories and bonus material on my Patreon.

“Are you sure you’re OK with this?”

We were slowly driving through an eerily empty city center from my student flat next to campus on one side of town to Ethan’s flat on the other, with all my belongings stuffed in the back of the U-Haul. Not that I had so much stuff we needed one. I just moved into the state right before the semester started, but it was the cheapest rental we could get. No one is going anywhere with this lockdown in effect. We barely had time to read the syllabus before everything screeched to a halt. You thought we’d know by now how to handle pandemics, but nooo.

“I wouldn’t have helped you clear out your shit if I wasn’t. Bit late to ask now.” “Yeah, but it seemed like the polite thing to do.”

Ethan turned towards me and spoke with a more serious tone. “I’m really happy to have you stay at my place. I think I would go mad staying alone. Go mad or go home, and I don’t think being locked up with the parents would be better.”

He was about as new in the city as I was, but his aunt had moved out of an old apartment last year and his parents had decided to take over the lease. Apparently it was even cheaper than the student apartments and much larger, but further away from campus. Though where it was in the city didn’t really matter as long as this lockdown was going on.

“Someone else is out at least”, I said indicating out the window. Across the street, a police officer with a navy blue face mask followed our truck with his eyes. Or her eyes I guess. Hard to tell in uniform and mask. I don’t know why, but I found it a rather good look. I hate the flimsy paper masks, but these form-fitted ones kind of make you look more badass.

“Do you think he looks sexy like that?” he asked, as if he had the same thought. “It’s a bit dystopian sci-fi, but that’s not to say it doesn’t look good.” “Take next right. The one after is one way.”

The apartment had two bedrooms, a large living room, decent bathroom and kitchen. Ethan’s aunt had left some furniture, but overall there wasn’t that much stuff. Makes sense as he had barely been here a month. That’s how he had a sparsely furnished extra bedroom for me to use. This was only the second time I had been in the apartment. Ethan forced me to have a look in person before he allowed me to agree to stay with him. Now standing there with all my belongings in the truck outside and my student flat lease canceled, I realized we really didn’t know each other. I studied corporate finance and he medical computer science, whatever that meant. When I asked he tried to explain that almost everything in a hospital now has a computer in it, and a ton of work went into things like volumetric renderings of MRI scans and somewhere there I started to tune him out.

There really weren’t any overlapping circles between us, we studied completely different subjects, he was active in computer games and health, I was trying to get into the writing room of the student theatre company and looking to sign up in the cinema club. But both of us had the bright idea to start working in the student pub, and really hit it off during the start of school year party they threw for their workers. We decided to pick the same work schedule and found out we have the same taste in pop culture, music, books, movies.

And now I’m moving in with him.

He had the larger of the bedrooms with a queen-size bed in the middle, a desk with a few computers and screens set up, gaming computer chair, a reading chair. Basically his room was set up so he could live there except for visits to the kitchen and bathroom. My room didn’t have a desk, but a normal bed, an armchair that looked comfortable, and more wardrobe space than I would ever need. He told me that I could basically consider the living room as mine as well. It had two couches in front of a big flat screen. By the balcony door stood a workout bench and weights. Barbell, plates, dumbbells, and that kind of stuff. Apparently it wasn’t Ethan’s but his uncle’s, but that didn’t really make a difference here and now.

Moving my stuff only took a few runs up the stairs, so we were soon back in the truck, returning it to the rental place. Ethan really didn’t have to come with me, but he said that this would probably be the last adventure for a while, and decided to come along.

“You’re supposed to buy pizza and beer for everyone who helps you move, right? What do you fancy?” “I’d like… You know what? We’re not going to get out much, and you don’t look like someone on a strict diet. Oh, no offense!” “None taken.” “How about we both keep healthy macros and workout regimen while locked up. Instead of paying rent you can help me make sure I at least isn’t in worse shape when all this shit ends.” “Macros?” “Diet.” “Sure I can do that, if you show me what to do.” “It’s a deal then. I’d like one with Gorgonzola and ham.” “Come again?” “The pizza topping. I’m allowed one cheat day per pandemic.”

The pizza place was only a block away from the apartment. Just this one time it was great, as we walked back with one quattro formaggi and one bresaola. But it would be so much harder to eat whatever Ethan had in his plans knowing a real wood fire oven pizza was just four minutes walk away.

Unprompted Ethan started to tell his story over pizza. How his father was a successful businessman in Arkansas, but his hometown always felt too small for him. He talked about how he was making synth music in school. How that made him interested in computers. How, since it was such a small town, he had ended up on the football team without any desire or skill to actually play the game. How he had almost by accident found this education program and had looked forward to both leave Arkansas and to study. I too did a year be year recap of my life so far, up to how my girlfriend dumped me just before the summer. In a way that was lucky, because it made me feel free from obligations and actually do what I wanted.

It was 9:21 when I woke up from a knock on the door. I was a bit disoriented for a second until I remembered where I was. I was sleeping in the guest bed left by Ethan’s aunt. After the pizza we did continue to talk over beer all evening, but I didn’t feel any hangover. Just thirsty. It wasn’t that early in the morning anymore on the other hand. “Yep” I called out. “I’m making breakfast,” Ethan called out from the other side of the door. “Coming”.

It literally only took me seconds to get ready. Stand up. Sweatpants. T-shirt. Done. In the kitchen I saw Ethan had a similar fashion sense, but had gone for shorts instead. “Porridge is fine with you? It would be good if it is. Lots of fibers.” I couldn’t really recall if I liked porridge and told him as much. The porridge itself didn’t taste much, but with toppings I could get used to it. “With our schedule in our own hands I think it would be a good idea to start out with breakfast and work out. That way we can get it out of the way.” Sounded sensible enough.

I changed into shorts as well and made myself ready to do my part of becoming Ethan’s gym buddy. At a quick glance we didn’t look that different, Ethan and I. On one hand I never had that big of an appetite, but on the other I had never really done any sports, and had no gym experience, so I let Ethan guide me. He tested different motions and how many times I could do them with weights he selected and noted down the results in a notebook that would log my progress. It wasn’t at all as tiring as I thought it would be. “Oh, you’ll feel it tomorrow for sure.” We each took a shower, and I went back to my room to catch up on my reading.

A few hours later I was starting to think about lunch. More because I was getting tired of reading than actually being hungry, but I thought I should ask Ethan if he had a plan. The door to his room was open, but as I got closer it became apparent it was an oversight on his part. Splayed on the bed was Ethan, naked save for a pair of boxer shorts and a big VR goggles. His right hand was massaging his obviously erect dick through the fabric of his underwear. He must have followed his normal routine and forgotten I had moved in. I’m not a prude and do the occasional tug myself, like any student, so I was more embarrassed than shocked. As on autopilot, my mind decided to ignore Ethan and continue walking to the kitchen to assess the lunch situation, but another part of my brain decided to keep him in sight.

Walking without watching in an apartment I’ve been in for all of 18 hours predictably made me jam my toe into the door frame. In the corner of my eye I could see Ethan’s body spasm and ripping off his VR goggles as I yell out in pain and surprise. He stared right at me, eyes wide open and mouth ajar in an expression that was hard to read. Surprise for sure, but also something else in between horror and delight. Perhaps it was like the smiles and laughter after you have completely made a fool of yourself. My eyes were drawn to his, and I could feel my face twisted in pain. It was like time stood still, waiting for either of us to make the next move. Out of sheer momentum my mind continued ahead as if nothing had changed and blurted out “What’s your plan for lunch?” over whatever Ethan said at the same time.

“What?” and an awkward pause again. “I said would you like to try?” “I… What is it?”

Ethan put down the VR kit on the bed, quickly got up and stepped into his pair of shorts. His erection was still very much apparent. He pressed escape on one of the keyboards and the screen switched from one incomprehensible menu to another.

“It’s a virtual reality system. I’m using an open source environment system to render inputs from an interactive story engine controlled by a GAN AI system. I’ve been experimenting with regenerative NLP feedback loop plugins for it.” “I followed you all the way up to and including virtual reality system.” “It’s like a VR movie that is generated specifically for you. Here.”

He picked up the bulky goggles and held it out to me. It wasn’t just goggles, but a pair of headphones were built in, and there were a few additional sensors glued on. Hesitantly, and with a throbbing toe, I stepped forward and took the headset. It wasn’t as heavy as it looked. I put it on my head and as it settled into place a digital version of Ethan’s room wobbled into place as well. It was remarkably similar. The colors and patterns were all slightly wrong, but the layout of the room and placement of furniture was almost spot on. I assume he had measured everything at one point and put in the data somehow.

“Go lie on the bed.” Ethan told me. I very tentatively stepped towards the bed, and feeling my way there. It was somehow surprised to find a bed where the digital bed was, and although the visuals of the sheets didn’t quite line up with what I felt, if you just moved quick enough the illusion of actually being in the digital room felt very real.

“This is so weird.” “I’ll start a blank session for you.” “A what?”

Almost immediately a guy entered the room through the door frame. This must be some VR video recording or something because he looked completely real. About the same age as Ethan and I but more fit and, I’ll admit, better looking. He looked flush and sweaty, with his french crop unkempt as if he had just ruffled it. He wore a navy blue sweatshirt and sweatpant shorts. I couldn’t see further down from my position. “Fuck, that was so dope! I love getting pump like that, you know what I’m saying” He was stretching his arms in different ways. Then he zoned in on me, like he was actually looking me over. “Fuck, I love how you look, babe. Mind if I join?” I shake my head slowly. He breaks out in a big smile. I notice he has a bit of a sweatpants boner. Carefully he climbs into bed, next to me. There’s no vibrations of course, or heat or smell, but everything I see looks utterly convincing.

“Hey, are you OK?” “What the…”

I’m looking into Ethan’s face as he stands over me. Bewildered I pat my head.

“I removed it once the program stopped. Didn’t shake you from your sleep one bit. I guess it wasn’t that interesting for you.” “It was very convincing. I fell asleep?” “Perhaps moving stressed you more than you knew? Or it could just be, you know, how shit the world is right now.” “Fuck… I only wanted to ask about lunch.” “A bit late for that. It’s like four and something. Let’s wait an hour or two more and have dinner. Ok with you?” “Sounds dope.”

It was like neither of us wanted to talk about what had happened. I certainly had questions. Had I just fallen asleep like that? Perhaps he was right and I had been anxious about the move and how things would work out. And what was up with that program? It wasn’t gay, exactly, and it didn’t mean Ethan was gay, and if he was there wasn’t anything wrong with that. All of it was just so confusing. Perhaps Ethan was right to just pretend it didn’t happen. Poor guy. I walked in on him watching porn, and then I fell asleep when he tried to show his system. Watching the news on how ever more countries were shutting down was probably time better spent.

He had not joked about being sore in the morning. I woke earlier than in weeks feeling stiff as hell. I didn’t want to wake Ethan, but I couldn’t just lie there in agony, so I got up and did some bodyweight repetitions. Squats, push-ups, dips, and stuff like that just to get some blood flowing. It honestly felt great. Me doing morning gymnastics! Who would have guessed that a week ago? When I left my room I found out Ethan was already up, but didn’t want to wake me up.

“Dude, we need to sort that shit out. I’m ok with you making noise when you’re up. You live here.” “You live here too. What if whoever gets up first makes breakfast and wakes the other up.” “Yeah, dope. I’m down with that.”

We quickly worked out the kinks in our schedule. I would typically wake up first, do a quick workout routine in my room. Then set the breakfast and wake up Ethan. Then we would do workout together. We had different weights and number of reps, but we had very quickly settled on the same exercises, though Ethan was still adjusting my form ever so often. Ethan would then shower first while I did stretches. We then kept to ourselves until lunch. Ethan cooked for both of us. Depending on what we felt like and needed we would either go back to study or do something like shopping or that kind of stuff in the afternoon.

It was hard to keep track of time, but I think it was on a Sunday four weeks later when Ethan said during breakfast that he wanted to show me something he had worked on. He moved the workout bench and the barbell stuff to just outside his room and told me to lie down. The bar had no plates on it, and that’s how I’ve used it until two days ago when I started to add extra weight to it. Ethan emerged out of his room with the VR set in hand, and a trail of cables running in into one of his computers. “Here, give this a go.”

I was a bit surprised, given the last time, but I was also curious what he had to show. Once snugly fitted on my head I was transported into a real gym. It wasn’t a very large one, but a few people did their thing around me. He almost scared me, the guy with the french crop, when he called out “Hey, bro!” just to my left. He had the same navy blue sweatpant shorts as the last time, but his upper body was bare, glistening muscles. He took a step back and his eyes were scanning me up and down. “Dude, you look so fucking good! You’ve really been hitting the weights.” I smiled and immediately realized that I was smiling at an avatar that wasn’t actually there and couldn’t see me, but it’s amazing how good some positive reinforcement feels, even if it is from a program. Perhaps that was the surprise from Ethan.

“Here, show me what you got!”

He walked around me, through the couch I knew was there in the real room, and stood behind me. I leaned back fully on the bench and looked up. He stood over me, just behind my head, so all I saw was a navy blue bulge, some abs and pecs, and his face looking down on me. “Go on, I’ve got you.” I could somehow feel him standing over me. Was Ethan spotting me in the real world? Not that it matters with an empty bar. I grabbed it. It felt heavy. “Good. Give me 15.” He started counting as I lifted. “Slower on the way down. Keep control all the way. Ten more” As I was getting to fifteen he upped it a bit. “Come one! Five more!” As I sat the bar back I felt utterly exhausted. “Fucking awesome, dude!”

“You really went all out.” “What?”

I was lying on the workout bench but I wasn’t wearing any VR shit. I sat up and hit my head in the barbell.

“Fuck! Dude, what the hell!” “The idea was for it to be motivational, but you really took it to heart.” “It was fucking dope, bro. I’m so pumped. Guy was kind of cute too.” “You think?” “Fuck, yeah. I wish I had those pecs.” “You better start some supplements then, if you can’t even last a virtual session.” “What you mean, dude?” “It’s already lunch.” “Fuck dammit!”

I rubbed my head where I had hit it and looked around the room. It looked mostly like before, but the sun had clearly moved ahead. Fuck, I really felt pumped to get some reps in hard and really make a difference. Perhaps lunch, and then do my daily sets.

“You ok with shopping without me after lunch?” “Sure. You need anything?” “I… You said supplements.”

Fortunately for me I have a roommate that studies medicine, kind of. Well, he hasn’t actually gone to any of the classes yet, but he has the books, so he picked out some things for me to boost me. Some of it looked like medicine, in small plastic jars with scientific-sounding names that could just as well have been a frat house. Alpha-omega-manganese-BS-whatever. Some of it decidedly did not look like medicine. Enormous containers with lids that looked too fucking small, with names like amazing-gainz-ultra. He set up a regimen for me to follow, basically some stuff with every meal. I started right away that evening with something like a vanilla and chalk milkshake after dinner. I don’t know why, but something made me feel really good drinking it.

I slept fucking fantastic, and despite having done way more lifting the day before than ever I barely felt any soreness or anything. I probably woke up Ethan with my harder than normal pre-breakfast cardio. Lots of burpees and jumping jacks, so I almost felt guilty making breakfast while steaming sweaty, but whatever. Ethan had to remind me what supplements to take. I really should have written that shit down.

I had a strong deja vu while doing weights. It wasn’t until Ethan spotted barbell for me I realized that this was almost exactly what I had seen doing the VR shit. I looked up and saw Ethan standing over me similar to the guy, but Ethan was wearing grey sweatpant shorts and a red tank. I kind of wished he was topless as well, like the other guy.

“You ok down there?” “Fucking dope, bro”

I realized I must have zoned out a bit. What’s worse I could feel I rocked a hard erection out of nowhere. Rather than making a deal out of it, and run to the shower, I decided to pretend like everything is normal. Guys get boners all the times. He’s a guy, so he knows that. I even did a few extra exercises to really drive home that point. While Ethan took his shower I dared to lower my shorts and slowly stroke my dick. I haven’t cummed once since moving in with Ethan, which I realized was longer than I’ve gone in years. The days were blurring together. I hadn’t watched porn either since moving in. I’ve been too preoccupied with the move and everything else going on.

“All yours” Ethan said and closed the door to his room. I just froze. I was sitting on the workout bench, shorts by my ankles and dick in hand. He saw that. There is no way he didn’t see that. I could feel my face getting hot by embarrassment, yet I continued to sit there and stroke my dick. What the fuck is wrong with me. My mind flashed to Ethan, to the guy in the VR, to his bulge just above my eyes, to his abs to the barbell, to the free weights.

No. I got up and took a long shower, trying really hard to not think about anything. Just observing the tiles, the shampoo bottles, the soap. But there were the creeping thoughts that perhaps Ethan will find me a weird creep and kick me out. How would he do it? He’s been far too nice to be direct. Would he bring up this incident or would he just wait a week or something and over one lunch say something vague like we are not as good of a match as he hoped? Fuck. I needed to do something.

I couldn’t concentrate at all on the block on taxation I was supposed to read. Apart from the residual thoughts of unease I was beginning to see what a mistake it was to not cum in the shower. I was very close to surfing porn sites, but decided against it and ended up aimlessly browsing social media. I can’t really explain how, a hundred clicks that trended in that direction perhaps, but I got into the circles of fitness instagram people. Big arms, broad chests, and slinky stringers. Somehow I was hard again. Stealthily I walked back to the bathroom, locked the door, and started to jerk off in the shower. I’d been saving for a week and been hot all day, but somehow it took quite a while to shoot the load. My mind was a soup of barbells, Ethan, sweatpant shorts, vague old porn clips, and more recent instagram models. When I finally came it was like I’ve never orgasmed before in my life. Rope after rope shot out of me, the first few even hit the wall, and my hips involuntary thrust forward for each of them. I felt cleansed in a way, like a weight had been lifted from me. I couldn’t really understand why, though. Nothing had really changed.

I didn’t want to go back to my room and study. I rinsed the shower, got a pad and a pen, and went to the kitchen to get on top of the supplements. I decided to write down all the ingredients from the labels. I had just accepted Ethan’s plan uncritically. It’s probably fine, but I wanted to understand it. That’s where Ethan found me.

“Hey, dude. Already hungry?” “Yeah… No… I don’t know, bro.” “You don’t know?” “It’s like… Fuck. You saw, bro.” “Saw what? You jerking off?” He laughed and sat down. “You saw me doing it first.”

He was right, of course. I didn’t know how that could have slipped my mind.

“Was it porn?” I didn’t know why I asked that. I was curious, but it also felt a bit too personal of a question. “Yeah. Wanna see?”

Before I even had time to respond he continued “Let’s fill up your macros first and then I can show you. If past experiences are any indications you’ll take your time.” “Already jacked off today.” Why did I tell him that? “Even better”

Ethan had this ever changing dish where he would chop and fry vegetables like bell pepper, chili, garlic, ginger, onion, peas, and whatever else was around, pour in coconut milk and whatever spices you craved that day green curry or red curry for Thai, madras curry for Indian, Soy and miso for Japanese, anise and szechuan for Chinese, saffron and parmesan for Italian, and so on. Then serve it with pasta or grains or rice. I helped him prepare it, as I always do unless he started making it without telling me. This time however the air was different, filled with tension and awkward anticipation. He made it with chicken, lemon grass, and brown rice this time. We hardly spoke a word while cooking, and then continued to eat in silence. We both knew what was on my mind, and there wasn’t any question on the subject that wouldn’t be awkward. I was weirdly looking forward to trying out whatever it was he wanted me to try. I couldn’t explain why it felt so compelling to me. Just thinking about it made me hard. “You clean up here and I’ll go and set it up for you,” he said as soon as his plate was empty. “Yeah,” was all I could manage, and he left. I finished my plate as well, put the few things we’ve used in the dishwasher and went to his room.

His bed was made and on it was the VR headset and what I first though was a protein drink shaker. “Dude, is that a… fleshlight?” I asked him both with incredulity and genuine curiosity. Curiosity because a cable ran from it to one of the boxes on the floor that connected to his computers, and incredulity because I couldn’t believe he thought I would use one of his sex toys.

“Yes. No. Not exactly. It’s modified to connect into the haptic subsystem.” “Haptic?” “Force feedback” “It’s a vibrator, bro.” “Eh.. No. Well, not only. You’ll see.” “Why do you think I’d touch that, bro?” Though somewhere inside I knew I would. “It’s a brand new inset. You’ll be fine.”

I walked up to the bed and suddenly wasn’t sure what to do. I would need to at least lower my shorts and boxers to get the until-recently-fleshlight on my dick, but Ethan was still in the room. Not only in the room but almost studying me like a lab project.

“I’ll lie down?” “Got to strip first,” he said motioning towards my tenting shorts. He saw me hesitated and continued “Dude, I just saw you jerk off in the living room this morning”. I blushed and pulled down my shorts and boxers, and stepped out of them. “Shirt too,” he said. I removed that as well and stood naked in front of him. “Wow, you are making progress. Ok, on the bed and hook yourself up. Red dot up.” I climbed into the bed, as he told me, and grabbed the cyber-fleshlight and pushed it down on my hard dick with the red dot up towards my head. There was some sort of lubrication in it and it slid on with very little effort. It must have been heated as well, because the lubrication didn’t make it feel cold. I was given a nod from Ethan and put on the helmet over my eyes and ears.

The alternative version of Ethan’s bedroom was already there, waiting for me. I looked around and as far as I could tell everything looked like in the real world, except no Ethan of course. After half a minute, perhaps more, I was almost about to ask if he had started it when the French crop guy jumped in through the doorway, as if he was in a hurry. He was naked except for a pair of white, tight speedos that both highlighted his big package and created a reference point for his deep tan and made it look even deeper. There was a sheen over all his body, like he had been working out hard or oiled himself up, and he was breathing heavy. “Sorry, I’m late. I didn’t expect you so soon,” he panted. I didn’t know what to say. “You want me to help you with that?” he asked and nodded towards my dick. I looked down and saw a massive erection, easily twice my real size. “As an apology…” he continued.

“Yeah, sure bro.”

He made the cutest little jump of joy in response, and caught my smile. He composed himself and locked eyes with me. Then he started some sort of dance where all the movement was in his hips and abs. Then he added more of the upper body, still keeping eye contact. I thought I would hose him down with cum from my monster penis right there, so sexy was it. He smirked and moved closer. Still swaying he leaned forward and licked the head of my dick, which shot pleasure up my spine. He then started to circle the head with his tongue, before taking it into his mouth. The first few times were shallow, but then he stopped teasing and begun to really do down deep on the dick. In addition I could feel him alternate between stroking my hips, the insides of my thighs, and tugging my balls. Just as I was about to nut he stopped working on my dick and started to slowly run his tongue up my faint abs, circling my nipple. I was squirming in horny delight.

He was straddling me now, face to face. I couldn’t resist it any longer and reached to pull him towards me and kiss him on the mouth. There was a loud crack of plastic against plastic as our VR helmets collided. “Dude?” I was looking at the French crop guy who was moving his hands in front of his eyes. “Ethan?” I asked, suddenly realizing what was going on. The French crop guy looked bashful, did a little wave, and answered in not-Ethan’s voice “Yeah.”

“Did you just blow me?” “I wasn’t… No, it’s still the device.” I hesitated, considering briefly what this would mean. “Would you like to?”

[krreader]

tears of gold | the aftermath.

pairing: min yoongi x reader fandom: bts warnings: anxiety ; depression genre: angst ; fluff word count: 3.3k+  previous: x

summary: if yoongi had a super power, it would be to turn back time and undo his past mistakes. 

a/n: tumblr, you better not do me dirty again, let ME POST THIS NOW.

This started out as a very normal day on tour.

Yoongi got woken up by his alarm at 6 in the morning, turning it off with a heavy sigh before lying on his back and staring up at the ceiling through the darkness of the room. As always, his first thoughts were about his daughter, hoping that she was doing okay, that she was healthy and happy. Then his thoughts drifted to you, hoping that you were better off now that you were away from him.

It's been two years since Hoseok had told him that he had spotted you out on the streets with his child and back then, he had done everything he could to track you down, only to find out from one of your old friends that you had decided to move out of the country.

And he didn't know where to.

Two years of the never ending wondering where you were, sadness about the what-could-have-been, disappointment in himself, all the while pretending he was still the same bubbly Suga that fans loved so much.

One of those days, he wouldn't be able to put on the facade anymore.

Finally, he slipped out of bed and under the shower, getting ready within ten minutes, before joining the others for breakfast.

He got himself a plate, sat down and continued his morning like he always did, his thoughts slowly managing to focus on the performance today.

Until Namjoon said something that made him freeze, a cold shiver running down his spine, because he hadn’t expected to hear that name being said out loud ever again.

“What the hell?” he turned the flyer in his hand around, his eyes widening, before reading what was on it: “Join (Y/N) (Y/L/N) for the reading of her bestseller that captivated the hearts of millions.”

It got very quiet for a moment, everyone that was sitting at the table stopped eating and now stared at Namjoon, but he stared at Yoongi.

“I thought (Y/N) was in management?”

“The (Y/N)? Yoongi hyung's ex girlfriend?”

“She's an author now?”

“She moved here?”

Question after question was being thrown around a moment later, but Yoongi couldn't do anything other than stare at your smiling face printed on the flyer.

You looked so happy, your eyes literally sparkling and your posture screaming nothing but confidence.

Had it really only been three years? Because looking at you on that flyer now made it seem like it’s been over twenty..

Hoseok was the first to clear his throat, knowing more than the others did, “Doesn't really matter, right? They broke up, I don't think that it's any of our business.”

Even if they were all curious, a look at Yoongi, whose head was hanging so low that nobody could see his face through his long strands of hair, was enough for them all to return to eating quietly.

No matter how long it's been, he was clearly still struggling, they all knew that. They had tried to help, had done everything in their power, but at one point, there was nothing left to do for them. None of them could truly help.

Nevertheless, Namjoon left the flyer on the table as he and the others got up to go back to their rooms to get their things before they had to leave for the venue and Yoongi couldn't help but to reach for it and stare at it for a long time, his fingertips running over your printed face.

“You look beautiful,” he whispered to himself.

And once again, he got reminded of just how much he missed you. Your face, your touch, your lips against his. Everything about you, he missed, yearned for.

So even though it was a bad idea for both parties and his mental health, he made the decision to go there, hoping that he’d get to see a glimpse of his daughter from afar.

The room filled up within the first ten minutes until there was absolutely no seat left.

You truly hadn't expected so many to turn up, but looking at the crowd of so many clutching your book to their chests with a happy and excited smile on their face made you once again realize of just how good of an idea it had been to write down your struggles and thoughts, knowing that so many could relate and connect with you like that.

“Are you ready?” your agent placed her hand on your lower back, “They're all waiting for you.”

“I'm nervous,” you admitted.

“That's normal. But you'll do great. Just read the passages that we've talked about, don't think too much about it.”

And while you and your agent discussed some final things before you’d go on stage, Yoongi managed to sneak in and stand at the very back, his eyes immediately scanning the room in hopes of seeing a little girl, but there was none.

Just.. fans.

You had fans now.

A part of him was so proud of you, of what you had achieved after everything that he had put you through. But that other part hated him for that exact reason.

“Please welcome (Y/N) (Y/L/N).”

Your name made him snap out of his thoughts, his breath getting stuck in his throat when you stepped out on that stage and he swore that for a moment, the world stopped spinning. He couldn't hear the claps and screams anymore, it was as if everything blurred except for you on that stage, smiling so happily and carefree, even if you seemed a little nervous.

You looked gorgeous.

Your hair had grown a little, but it suited you so well. You wore a blue dress, one of his favorite colors on you, with black heels that he loved so much. And like when he saw you on that flyer, all the feelings for you that had never vanished came crashing back down and all he could think about was: ‘I love you so much.. even after all this time.’

“Uh, thank you all for coming here, I really didn't expect so many of you to show up,” you chuckled nervously and sat down, grabbing your book from the floor, “If you read my book – which I assume you did, since you showed up here today – then you know how much it means to me. Sharing it with the world and reaching so many of you that have been or are in the same boat as I used to be in... if I was able to help even one of you with it, then I've achieved everything I wanted.”

Another round of claps echoed through the room, Yoongi's eyebrows furrowing as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

Maybe he should have read up on what the book was about.

Probably would have been a good idea.

Because he really wasn't prepared for what he heard once you started reading.

“I used to think that my live was perfect. Perfect job, perfect friends, perfect family, perfect partner. There was not a single thing in my life that I had wanted to change at the time. I was living in a bubble with nothing but happiness and bliss. A bubble that I wasn't prepared to burst.. ever. But that's what happened when the pregnancy test showed two lines. That day, time stopped for a very long time. I truly thought that my life was over when these two lines appeared. It's not that I wasn't well off financially, or that I had parents who would disapprove. It's just that I wasn't ready to be a mother yet. The thought of taking care of something so precious and raising them to be the best possible version of themselves, that was something that scared the living shit out of me. It paralyzed me to the point where when I walked out of the bathroom that day, I was just the shell of my former happy self. I knew I had to tell my partner right away, was expecting him to put his arm around my shoulder and tell me that everything would be alright. That he'd be with me and that we'd raise this child together, that no matter what, I wouldn't be alone in this,” you stopped for a moment to gulp down hard, then you looked up at the crowd with tears in your eyes, “But I was.”

The more you read, the weaker Yoongi's legs became.

This was about him.

“I gave him an ultimatum that one day. That if he didn't want the child now that he'd never get another chance at being a father again. Even if I wasn't ready for the baby, I never would have abandoned it. But he did. He abandoned her before she was even born. He walked out that day and I was completely alone.”

When the world started spinning around Yoongi, he took a step back until he hit the cold window, trying to regain control over his body and emotions.

“The following weeks were the worst of my life. I didn't feel alive anymore, despite the life inside of me growing. I didn't feel anything, gave up on crying eventually, stopped eating and just didn't function properly anymore. Anxiety and depression consumed me, I was feeling worthless and unloved and nothing could fix it. No matter what I did, no matter who tried to help me. That continued on until I went for my first ultrasound appointment,” despite the tear that rolled out of your eye, you smiled, “I've never heard anything more beautiful than that sound. The heartbeat of my child. Beating so strong and loudly, despite me taking so little care of myself. I sobbed my eyes out that day, kept apologizing to the screen, to my baby and made a promise that day to take better care of myself to take care of the baby. The baby, that was so strong, even when I couldn't be. But I wanted to be. I wanted to be strong for her and so I made a decision that day. I became the mother that I wanted my child to have. A strong one. I changed my number and I moved, I started a new life, far away from the man that promised me the world but threw me away the moment that his idea of the future got destroyed. I was done crying over someone that treated me like trash, that treated my child – our child – like trash. So I regained control over my life again, saw a therapist to talk about my issues and by the time that my daughter was born, I could hold her in my arms with the happiest of smiles and say: I love you and I'm so glad you're in this world. I’m so glad that I get to call you my daughter.”

At that point, Yoongi was silently crying, biting down so hard on his lip as to not make a sound and alert anyone of what was going on that it started to bleed.

“I raised my daughter on my own and I couldn't be prouder of who she is today. This beautiful bundle of pure joy and happiness that loves with all her heart. I did that. I didn't need her father and she didn't either. Him leaving us was so hard at first, but it made me so strong, it made our bond so strong. But I guess, if I could say one thing to him now..-”

Yoongi hadn’t expected you to spot him in that moment, but maybe you had seen him from the very beginning and had only waited until now to acknowledge him.

You weren’t surprised to see him here, you had heard that BTS was in town and since he had tried to contact you for so long after your break-up, you had assumed that he'd come by.

But you were still composed, were smiling at him, very softly, actually. Something that he hadn’t expected, “I forgive you.”

When you closed your book and signaled the crowd that the reading was over, everyone got up and clapped, but you still stared at Yoongi.

You meant what you said.

You were done being angry and disappointed. You had grown as a person and had decided that you'd rather spend your days surrounding yourself with things and people that made you happy, than hold a grudge over people from the past, that including Yoongi.

People started to line up after the reading was done for the signing of your books that came afterwards. Many of the ones that came told you just how much your book had helped them on their journeys, knowing that they weren't alone and that this feeling of hopelessness would go away once they realized they were so strong and just how much stronger they could be for their child.

It took a while, but eventually, the room started to clear, until there was only one more person, still standing at the same exact spot as before.

“Uh.. do you want me to..-?” your agent asked, but you shook your head.

“It’s alright. I will see at the office tomorrow.”

She hesitated for a moment, but then she nodded and walked away. Whoever this person was, the way you looked at him made her believe that you two had a lot to discuss.

You took a few deep breaths to prepare yourself for what was coming, then you got up and walked over to him, smiling as softly as before, “It's been a few years, hasn't it?”

“Three years, two months and one week,” he said without having to think twice about it. He remembered when he made the biggest mistake of his life.

He would forever remember that day.

You watched him for a moment, cocking your head to the side, before your smile dropped, “I wish I could say you look good, but.. you don’t, Yoongi.”

“You do,” Yoongi nodded, “You always did.”

You brushed over your dress, almost lovingly, before you said: “Thank you.”

Yoongi had so many questions and so many things to say and ask, but the most pressing thing was: “Is.. she here?”

“No. She's with my mother.”

His shoulders dropped in disappointment, “Ah.. I see.”

You knew that he regretted his decision, despite never having read his messages since you had blocked his number soon after the break-up and then having gotten another number altogether. But your friends had told you about how often he stopped by their places in hopes of you being there or them telling him about you and your daughter.

“I've worked very hard for the last years, Yoongi. To raise my child, but also to become the woman that I am today. I've grown. And I've.. been thinking a lot. What I said before, about me forgiving you. I mean that.”

“Why, though?” it’s not like he deserved it.

“Because even after everything that happened between us... you gave me the most beautiful gift I could have asked for. And if I had to go through all that pain again, just to hold her in my arms eventually, I would.”

“I’m sorry,” he shook his head, pressing his eyes shut before more tears could escape them, “I’m so sorry, (Y/N).”

“Don’t be,” you put your hand on his shoulder and waited for him to look at you, before you said: “I’m happy now, Yoongi. We both are. What’s done is done and there’s nothing we can do to change it.”

You didn’t say anything else after that, just gave him one last smile before disappearing.

At first he thought about running after you, but you had forgiven him and that is much more than he deserved. He couldn’t really ask for anything else, could he?

But someone else? Maybe.

Two days later, Yoongi was packing up his suitcase, ready to fly back to Seoul to return to his daily routine, when someone entered his hotel room.

“Hey hyung,” Namjoon smiled a little, “You got a second?”

“Almost ready,” Yoongi said in a small voice.

“Yeah, about that,” Namjoon opened up his suitcase again when Yoongi had closed it and pressed something into his hands, making sure he was holding whatever it was tightly, “Why don't you take a few more days off to relax? I think this city would do you some good.”

And with a wink, he left, Yoongi spotting Hoseok leaning against the doorframe, smiling encouragingly at Yoongi 

He didn't know what he meant. It was only when he unfolded the piece of paper that his legs gave in and he had to sit down for a moment.

“Namjoon?” your eyes widened, a huge smile spreading on your lips as you embraced him without thinking twice, “What are you doing here? And Hoseok too? You guys!”

“Hoseok hyung told me.. well.. everything. We wanted to hear your story and wanted to apologize for everything. If we had known sooner, maybe we could have helped.”

“No, don't blame yourselves. Yoongi is his own person, he made that decision himself.”

“That.. is actually another thing that we wanted to talk to you about,” Hoseok sighed heavily, “We would never ask you to give him another chance, not after everything. But.. would it be too much to ask you to let him meet her? Just... once?”

That question caught you off-guard, Namjoon quickly adding: “You can say no if you're uncomfortable with it, of course!”

It was something that you had thought about a lot over the course of the last years. Would it be so bad if he met her? Just once? Or if you sent him a picture of her, at least? If not for his sake, then for hers? You were raising her on your own and you didn’t need a man to help you, but the older she got, the more questions she had about why she didn’t have a dad.

If he really had changed..-

You were quiet for a long time, before saying: “I promised myself I would never let him see her when he walked out that day. But the older I get and the older she gets, the more I think about it... if it really were so bad if he met her just once.. if maybe they could have a relationship, even when we couldn't.”

“It's your decision just how far you want this to go, we're just asking you for letting him meet her once.. just to see her face, so he doesn't have to imagine it anymore.”

With the piece of paper in which your address was scribbled on clutched tightly in his hand, Yoongi pressed the doorbell with a shaking hand, his breathing uneven and his legs wobbly.

He didn't know what to expect. Three hours ago, he hadn't expected any of this to happen, so now he wasn't able to wrap his mind around it that it was actually happening. That he would meet the girl that was on his mind constantly for the last three years.

Once again, he was face to face with you, the one he called the love of his life once.

And a moment later a little girl squeezed herself through your legs, looking at him with the same eyes that he found himself looking at when he looked in the mirror, only a lot more alive and happier.

“Hello, mister. I'm Dae!” she introduced herself without hesitation and a beaming smile.

Yoongi couldn't help but let out a happy laugh, all the tension easing for a moment.

What would happen after today? Only time could tell. But for today, you would let them have this. And maybe you did this as much for him as you did for yourself.

To finally find real closure to all this.

[rebsrebsrebsrebs]

Hey, Rebs. I take medication that fucks up my appetite something bad and I am often reminded by Screen Buddy Beel that I need to eat. Sometimes I only force something down cuz I feel like it would make him happy. Anyway, can we have headcanons for the boys with a GN!MC who has trouble feeding themselves? :(

Hi anon!!

I wanna say first that I absolutely feel you. I struggle with my depression and a handful of other illnesses daily. Sometimes it's hard to drag myself out of bed to eat, or shower, or anything. A lot of times I'll ask my friends to tell me to eat or I'll remember that Beel would want me to eat well, so I go get something, like anything. I ate six marshmallows for dinner the other day because it's all I could muster the energy for. Eating literally anything is better than eating nothing. You need calories to be the amazing you that you are! Keep doing your best to eat something! I believe in you and so does Beel! 

That said, here's the brothers trying to get MC to eat after noticing that they aren't eating on their own

Lucifer

He won't admit it, but having been less involved with the affairs of humans as both an archangel and a demon lord, he has to do some research to make sure he knows what humans need to be cared for

The goal is to keep them alive for the year, and that means more than just protecting them from lesser demons

Three square meals a day, unlimited access to water, they wouldn't lack for enrichment between school and his brothers' nonsense

(yes he's thinking of them like a pet he has to care for)

He isn't prepared for them not to eat on their own though.

Once he notices that they have difficulty feeding themself, he will remind them of it regularly, just as he reminds them to do their tasks

And makes their attendance at mealtimes mandatory

And makes sure they eat their lunch, or delegates it to one of the more trustworthy brothers

Boy's gonna rule and regulate and remind you into eating enough like the taskmaster he is

Mammon

Humans gotta eat right? Mammon's pretty sure MC has to eat lunch. At least. Right??

He's got an idea

One of the best parts of a photo shoot for Mammon (besides being the center of attention, of course) is the craft services table

The food at these things is good

And that's the excuse he's gonna use to try and ply MC to eat something when he drags them on one of his photo shoots

"This is some of the best Devildom food you're gonna get for free - Devilish doesn't skimp!"

Also it's a combo of giving MC something nice (good food) while also making money (modeling gig) so what's not to love?

If they try to politely decline he will insist anyway

He's their guardian demon and he's gonna take care of 'em dammit!!

Never gonna admit it tho

Do it in the spirit of the exchange program, yeah?

"Ain't it good? Told ya so!" as if that's why he's smiling

If his tactic works, he'll drag MC around to even more shoots and events.

He can't watch over them all the time much as he tries to so he makes sure that at least when they're together, MC eats something.

Leviathan

Game time is snack time, obviously. It's an important part of the ritual

(side note, I bet he has specific snacks he plays for specific games, but that's another post)

Levi presents his Henry with gamer snacks for two and a large pizza for them to share

He's honestly a little hurt when much 'sharing' doesn't get done

Does MC not like what he got? He could've sworn they ate something last time. Maybe.

Didn't they?

Oh no what if he got something they said they don't like and he forgot. Oh fuck he feels like such a bad friend.

But they aren't saying anything and that makes him feel worse

"If - if you don't like what I got you can just say it!!! I can take it!!"

MC explains that they just don't feel like eating, but he doesn't accept that so easily

"You have to! Henry and the Lord of Shadows shared every meal possible together on their long journey across the Almederian Wastes!" 

"Levi, I'm just not hungry. It isn't that deep."

"....it's that deep to me :<"

Please eat a slice of pizza so he knows you're still friends, MC

Satan

He's the one who's actually going to ask MC why they don't eat as often as he thinks humans ought.

He probably thinks that demon food is just too gross for them, which… might not be incorrect.

When they explain it to him, he will take their reasons and start searching for logical solutions.

Their medication takes away their appetite, is there something else they could try that would achieve the same medicinal effect but not affect appetite?

Or if they can't find the motivation or the will, who or what could motivate them? Do they need meals brought to them? 

Rather than forcing them to eat when they don't want to, he's going to try and find ways to make it so that they do want to eat and then let the eating part take care of itself

MC can expect books at their bedroom door and links in their inbox as Satan shares his research with them

Overall the most practical choice if MC wants a solution to their lack of appetite, if one is to be found

Asmodeus

Makes some assumptions when he sees that MC isn't really eating during lunch

"Darling, I understand that humans have odd beauty standards, but you have to know that restriction diets like that are so bad for you."

Eating enough is key to maintaining health and happiness!! 

In addition to having many rants about how having enough sleep is necessary, he also basically has pre-readied talks about self-confidence, hydration, eating enough, bathing/showering, and getting enough time outside

And he wants MC to be as healthy and happy as possible, whatever that means for them

Asmo is locked and loaded with an arsenal of compliments about MC's looks and figure and everything he loves about them, when they explain that that isn't actually the problem

It takes him a second to parse that their lack of appetite isn't because they had just eaten, that they literally just don't feel hungry, so they forget to eat

"Well… you need to eat anyway! Here!"

You cannot convince me that Asmo doesn't have a little mini-fridge for his wines and cupcakes that he likes the most to keep Beel away from them

He will present MC with a cupcake and a glass of wine while they hang out

"Yes, you have to have both, they pair so well and it would be a crime if you didn't. I would cry! You wouldn't want to make someone as pretty as me cry, would you?"

Beelzebub

Aww :( 

Sharing food time with people he loves is Beel's ultimate joy, so if he brings MC something and they don't want to chow down, it kinda hurts.

He will sulk and be confused

Also, he hasn't lacked an appetite in the longest time, so he can't relate - not until he does that body switch with Asmo, but even then, he's so hungry that he likely can't remember it

MC will probably explain it themself when they see Beel so upset.

"It isn't you - I really appreciate that you think of me enough to bring me something you like. I just don't always have an appetite."

Beel will ask a lot of questions

Are they sick? Are they hurt? Is he bringing them stuff they don't like? Is Devildom food too much for humans? 

He will increase the amount of snacks he has on his person, just in case MC ever does develop an appetite, that it could be quickly sated.

Will offer them tastes of what he's eating, since a meal is technically just a lot of little bites, right? 

And a lot of little bites of the amount of food Beel eats is a plentiful meal by human standards

Also, will pick MC up and take them to mealtime if necessary, he already does this to Belphie, so he'll just have one of them over each shoulder and plop them in their seats at the dinner table

Belphegor

His strategy is to keep MC hanging around him and Beel so that Beel's plan can go into effect

Probably has also struggled with eating enough, especially in his earlier demon days when he straight up couldn't pull himself out of bed

So whatever is causing MC's struggle with eating, he relates

Beel can and will bring MC and Belphie to food, as well as bringing food to MC and Belphie

Being friends or lovers with the twins is just a guarantee that MC will never purposefully go hungry

I'm sorry Belphie's is so short it really is just 'hey beel we have a food thing, help plz'

masterlist

[genesisrose74]

A/n: This idea just popped into my head this morning and I needed to write it out, guess who finished in one day instead of focusing on summer school aha ha...so here’s the next edition of Class 1-A quarantine hc’s! I think I’ll include a bit of background for all of these, just for future reference if anyone likes them lmao. Today we have everyone’s favorite nitroglycerin king, Bakugo Katsuki! Hope y’all enjoy cause I’m honestly so soft for this one okay BYE-

Surprisingly, you’re initially part of the Dekusquad, but you’ve always been close with Kirishima and Mina and feel comfortable hanging out with their group as well so you start gravitating to the Bakusquad 

At first, Bakugo is really standoffish because, “You’re seriously friends with that damn nerd Deku” - wow everyone be hating on our cinnamon roll smh

But then he sees how much the rest of Bakusquad likes you and he starts warming up

It starts with small little things like not hogging all the space on the couches in the dorms and having you sit beside him

Then he notices that you’re very forgetful of your jacket and he ends up keeping a spare in his bag just in case the weather gets really bad

“I mistakenly grabbed two this morning, so lighten my load and carry the jacket—I don’t give a shit if you put it on, just hold it will you!” 

He’s acts all aggressive whenever he tries to be subtle and someone calls him out on it pffft- 

“What the hell are you talking about? You trying to get punched in the face?”

And his feelings are emphasized when the whole class is allowed to use the pool one afternoon and you’re pulling up with Mina and Momo

You’ve got a cute swimsuit and a sun hat on, and King Explosion Murder starts sweating a dangerous amount of nitroglycerin 

Bakugo Katsuki has a thing for soft girls who can pull a one-eighty and kick ass no I do not take criticism

The class wants to play chicken and everyone is choosing partners, but in the corner of his eye Bakugo sees you getting cornered by Mineta 

You’re usually able to handle the horny tornado but you’re feeling a bit too exposed in a bathing suit and start losing your cool

When I tell you the whole Bakusquad BOLTS to come rescue you-

Mineta is literally launched out of the pool by Sero like a rocket ship in orbit and the rest of the group is in this protective barrier formation around you (yes the squad has protocols for this kind of thing don’t even deny it)

Bakugo is beside you in a second with his hands secured on your waist because no one is coming near you like that when he’s around

“Why don’t you be my partner, yeah?”

And that's the story of how y’all destroyed everyone at chicken with absolutely no mercy and Bakugo finds your competitiveness that entire day attractive as hell

Walking back to the dorms afterwards, he pulls you away from the group and the look he gives you is  s e a r i n g

“For the love of God, go out with me” and he does not have to tell you twice

Literally the entire class is SHOOK because you’re actually pretty mellow and Mr. My Only Vocabulary Word Is Die is...ya know...✨volatile✨

But let’s be honest he’s actually a softie if you’re close enough to him (sorry Deku you’re the exception but we still luv u) and everyone ends up adoring y’all being together

When quarantine rolls around and you both have to live back at your respective houses, everything is decently calm for about two days and then you both start getting bored as hell

Honestly longer than you expected 

Bakugo hates social distancing with a passion but he agrees to abide by the rules and ends up asking you to Facetime at least twice a day

His bedroom is actually very tidy ‘cause Bakugo hates clutter, especially when he’s doing schoolwork

I wholeheartedly believe that Bakugo is a beast in the kitchen and y’all can fight me about it because his knife skills are canon and you best believe he learned it to be more independent 

He’s been experimenting with new cooking recipes and is a master at making something out of practically nothing in his fridge, which is really handy when a trip to the grocery store is long overdue

He sends you pictures of his dishes and your responses are all praise and none of it’s exaggerated either; this boy can COOK 

Netflix Parties with the Bakusquad — the chat gets loaded with Denki and Kiri spamming and Bakugo yelling at them in all caps to shut up

Your lock screen is a picture of the group on Facetime and you all have filters on (somehow you got Bakugo to use one don’t ask how); literal friendship goals

And then it’s been about a whole month since quarantine started and Bakugo wants to come visit you, but his mom shuts that down quicker than Barry Allen in the Speed Force

He’s pissed because he and his family feel perfectly healthy but his mother will not let him leave under any circumstances

So when his parents go to visit some relatives who were more susceptible to the virus and needed help with a couple basic tasks you decide to sneak out to see him (in good health of course)

Imagine his surprise when his typically rule-following girlfriend calls and is already standing in his backyard, bags of groceries in your possession

***

Bakugo shot you an incredulous look as you sat at the kitchen table. “You know I could have just opened the front door for you.”

“Yeah, but going through the window was way more fun,” you defended. “It’s not like I’m very rebellious at any other time, so might as well live it up while I have the courage.”

The blond snorted, sifting through the numerous bags you brought along to his house. They were filled with an assortment of foods: vegetables, meat, rice, sauces and the like. 

“What’s all this for?” he inquired, pulling out a bottle of teriyaki sauce.

You couldn’t help the small smile that grew on your face as your boyfriend curiously examined the items. “It’s for you to cook with, duh.”

“And how am I supposed to explain the new abundance of food in the fridge to my parents?”

“Say that I had it sent over through Postmates or something. Even I thought of that, Katsuki.”

He rolled his eyes as he placed down the last bag of items. “I can’t believe you snuck out and brought all this stuff,” he murmured, leaning over to kiss the top of your head. “Thank you, babe.”

A faint blush rises to your cheeks, despite the fact you’ve been dating the first year student for a few months now. Girlfriend or not, verbal thanks from the King Explosion Murder was rare. “You’re welcome.”

Bakugo turned to the stove and started organizing a number of ingredients on the counter beside it, pulling out kitchenware from cabinets as he went.

“Since you’re here and all, I suppose I could make your dumb ass something,” he remarked. 

Your eyes practically sparkled with excitement at the offer; you were hoping the blond would make you one of his iconic dishes eventually. A ghost of a grin was present on Bakugo’s face at the cheer that left your mouth, his back facing you as he got started. 

You were quick to situate yourself on top of the kitchen counter, Bakugo lifting you by the waist to place you farther away from the flaming stove but still allowing you to watch as he worked. His knife skills were almost scary when chopping up the vegetables, the pace at which he was cutting them astonishing you, and the overall aroma of the space had your mouth watering before he was even close to finishing the meal.

“I feel like a judge on Master Chef,” you giggled, and the boy shook his head at the comment as he eyed a timer he had set for the pork he put on the stove. 

“I’m pretty sure my girlfriend of a judge would be a bit biased over the contestants,” he pointed out. 

You hummed thoughtfully. “I mean, if he keeps looking this attractive while making food I think my bias is justified.”

He glanced at you perched on the counter top, and took a few steps in your direction, cupping your cheek in one hand to kiss you quickly. 

“You’re distracting me,” the first year mumbled, running a thumb over your jaw. “Quit being so cute, dummy.”

You saluted playfully. “Yes, chef.”

He let out a soft laugh before moving back to silence the timer that had started beeping, alerting him that the pork on the stove was ready to go. The blond shooed you away and had you sit at the dining table as he took the skillet and turned off the stove flames.

As you waited patiently for Bakugo to finish up, you sang under your breath and set two spots at the table directly across from each other. By the time he was done, two plates of steaming food in hand, you were already sitting down and twirling a fork between your fingers. 

“What did you end up making?” You asked as he set a plate of rice and pork in front of you. 

“Tonkatsu,” he replied nonchalantly. 

It smelled like absolute heaven, and your hunger was only emphasized in the midst of the fast food you had been surviving off of during quarantine. This boy was even good at presentation, and you began to wonder if he was just talented at everything he tried.

Bakugo took the spot across from you and watched as you took the first bite. He wouldn’t admit it, but he felt a bit nervous that you wouldn’t like what he made. But that thought dissipated as quickly as it came once your fork flew into the meal for a second time, and you shot him a wide-eyed look.

“So good!” you exclaimed with a stuffed face, a few grains of rice falling from your mouth and back onto the plate.

“Don’t speak with your mouth full or you’ll choke, stupid,” he reprimanded, but your praise had an evident effect on the male as a smug smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

“I expect gourmet lunches from you at least once a week when school starts again.” 

“Not a chance in hell that I’m doing extra work in the mornings.”

“I’ll buy you all the ingredients you want~” 

“...I’ll think about it.”

Next thing you knew, all the food on your plate was gone, gladly relocated to your stomach. Rounding the table, you wrapped your arms around Bakugo’s shoulders as he also finished eating. 

“Thank you for dinner, Katsuki,” you hummed contentedly, resting your chin on his head. “It was seriously masterclass, especially after all the takeout I’ve been eating.” 

“Yeah, yeah, you’re welcome,” he waved it off. “I think a movie of my choosing is in order.”

“After we clean up, hot shot. Your mom would kill you if she realized someone was over.”

“Why wouldn’t she kill you too?”

“Please. Your mom loves me.”

The blond barked out a laugh before standing up and holding your waist, ushering you back to the kitchen. “True.”

Cleaning up was quick and easy with the both of you working together, stocking away dishes and remaining groceries. The evening sky, visible through a large window in the living room, glittered with stars as you sidled next to your boyfriend on the couch, the kitchen and dining room returned to its normal prestige.

“Katsuki?” you murmured, voice laced with a touch of contented sleepiness.

He turned his head from the television screen to face you. “Hm?” 

“I missed you, silly.” 

An arm was thrown around your shoulder and you were pulled closer to the male, who gently kissed your temple. 

“I missed you too, dummy.”

[yourfavewriteress]

check you out (part 1) | connor mcdavid

Teaser: “This is a grocery store, we really can’t control who comes in here.”

(i know i should be working on something else but sometimes i really can’t help what i come up with :/ )

Four Times Connor wanted to ask for your number + the one time he finally did

one.

“Please wait for assistance.”

You sighed, standing up straight at your post to move towards the waiting customer.

“Hi, how are you?” Smiling at customers had become second nature for you, having been working at the grocery store for almost a year. Although not a marvelous job, you got a weekly check that you had earned yourself and you were finally able to pay for your own bills without the help of your parents. 

“Good, you?” He responded.

“I’m doing okay, how can I help you today?”

“Do you know what aisle your pasta sauce is? I was looking for a bit and I didn’t see it.”

“Should be in aisle 7,” You directed. “Did you check there?”

“I think so, but I’m going to check again anyways since I now know where to actually look,” He let out a laugh before looking back at you. “Do you- Can I leave my stuff here while I go grab it? I’ll be five seconds.”

“Yeah, go ahead, I’ll watch them for you,” You smiled, nodding.

“Thanks,” He turned on his heel, quickly walking towards the aisle. You continued smiling at customers passing by, leaning against the machine. As he disappeared into the aisle, you looked over the items he was buying. Protein powder, a lot of healthy shit that you had never seen before, and literally one bag of candy (that was sugar free, btw). You laughed to yourself, wondering how disciplined this guy had to be to stick to whatever diet he was on.

A few seconds later, he re-emerged from the aisle and you took your time to study him as he walked. Clearly taller than most guys you’ve seen close up, he had to be at least six feet. In his jeans and hoodie, you could see the shape of his body, and judging by the diet, he most definitely took care of himself and his health. 

“Thank you,” He smiled when he finally reached you. “I don’t know how I missed it the first time but you’re a lifesaver.”

“No problem,” You nodded, walking back over to your post. You looked over all the customers in the self-checkout area, trying to find something to occupy your attention as you still had three hours left in the shift. When you looked back over to the right, you were surprised to see the man from before standing in front of the kiosk. 

“I feel like that annoying customer right now and I’m sorry, but I’m pretty sure my machine just froze,” He said, scratching the back of his head. You peeked over to the machine he was using.

“If you think you’re annoying, you wouldn’t survive two minutes as a cashier,” You replied, walking with him to the machine. “Let’s take a look.”

He laughed in response, shaking his head. “I probably wouldn’t.”

Tapping a few buttons on the screen had no success, “What happened exactly?”

“I’m not really sure, I scanned everything, I put a $50 bill in there and I was just waiting for my change.”

“Okay,” You mumbled, pulling the key from your pocket to open the machine. He stood behind you as you worked to figure out the problem, or at least get his bill back to send him to another machine. When you crouched down to be eye-level with the cash acceptor, the man’s eye’s couldn’t help but travel over your body. Although covered in your uniform of the store shirt and black jeans, he saw enough that made him have to look away otherwise he was sure he would be seen as that creep customer that couldn’t keep his eyes in appropriate places. 

You felt his eyes on you, and while this wasn’t a rare occurrence with the many forward customers who shop at your local supermarket, his look (if he was even looking, as far as you were concerned) didn’t make you uncomfortable in the slightest. To be fair, you already had your chance to study him when he wasn’t looking. Making sure you weren’t still smiling at the thought of him checking you out, you looked back, your eyes immediately locking on his.

You paused as he let out a gentle smile, asking, “I broke it, didn’t I?”

You couldn’t help but laugh then, your head leaning on your forearm that was holding the machine to keep you from falling in your crouched position. “You didn’t break it, these machines have minds of their own, trust me. But, I just need to grab a different key to get this part open and then I can take care of you.”

He swallowed at that, and even though he knew it was in reference to his grocery order, he couldn’t help it when his eyes once again trailed over you as you stood up to walk towards a nearby door.

“Got it,” You smiled as you came back into view of him. He stepped aside to allow you to crouch down again. The man focused his eyes on his items on the belt in order to avoid being caught admiring you again red-handed. Really, he could feel blood rushing up his neck, and in other places. It was better for him to look away now before it was too late.

“Ah, here it is,” He heard you say before holding up his crumpled bill. “I’m pretty sure it just got jammed somehow after you put it in, wasn’t your fault.”

“I still feel bad for causing all this trouble,” He replied, biting his lip.

“It’s no trouble, it actually gives me something to do other than stand here like a statue,” You said, closing the machine and standing up.

He smiled then, although you didn’t see it. “I’m glad I can help, then.”

Not knowing what to respond, you moved on, “Okay, I’m going to have you pay at my station because I don’t want the same thing to happen again.” You restarted his machine and then reached for his water pack, to help move it back to his cart.

“No, no, it’s okay, I got it,” The man said, stepping closer to you to motion to the water. “You’ve done enough, literally.”

It was your turn to swallow as you got a whiff of his scent, which was hard to describe in any way besides manly. You know that scent that you think a true man has? It’s strong, but enticing. Clean, but also sweaty in a way. It was like a version of Old Spice but younger, and hotter (at least to you).

Taking a breath to soak in as much as you could without being a creep, you stepped back, “Okay, I’ll meet you up there then.”

You turned on your heel, your mind racing as you thought of how to compose yourself until he left the store.

Working in a place that had different people coming in everyday, you were used to the occasional smokeshow and having to not stare. You usually didn’t have to interact with said smokeshow, but you always had to be professional. This case was nothing different. No matter how hot this guy appeared today, or how nice he smelled, he was still a customer and you were still an employee. Get it together! you thought.

“Okay, here you go,” The man said, handing you his bill again.

“Thank you,” You replied, taking it and giving him his change. “Sorry about our machine, but I hope you have a good day.”

“Thanks, you, too,” He smiled. “It’s been a pleasure,” Trailing off, his eyes fell to your chest, “Y/N.”

Although his eyes prompted it, you didn’t allow your jaw to drop as you watched him, pushing his cart away with a smile still on his face.

You thought about him for the next hour, and when you finished wiping down your machines, you caught your reflection in the store window.

Your eyes locked on your name tag sitting on your chest. Why the hell does he get to know your name but you don’t get to know his?

two.

The next few weeks went by as uneventful as any other time in your life. You worked at the supermarket, and when you weren’t there, you were at your apartment, catching up on as many shows as you could with the free time. Until you had to return to your college classes, you were going to relax as much as possible.

“Hey, Y/N,” Your boss said, approaching your station. “Do you think you can stay until 10 tonight? Eva just called out.”

“Uhm, sure,” You shrugged, looking down at the time. “That’s fine.”

“Thank you, you’re the best,” He breathed. “Seriously, I can always count on you and I’ll never forget that.”

“I just like the extra money in my paycheck,” You joked. 

“I’m going to act like I didn’t hear that,” He began as he walked away, laughing.  

You shook you head, laughing as well. As you were still smiling, you could hear one of the machines start up, meaning that you finally had a customer after ten minutes of complete silence. The back profile seemed familiar, including the large container of protein powder in his cart. A few moments later, he looked over, smiling.

“Hi, Y/N,” He said.

You did your best to hide your blush as you smiled back, “Hey, how are you?” Not a big deal, you thought, he probably just remembers everyone’s name.

“Pretty good, how about you?”

“Same old,” You shrugged. “Try not to break the machine this time, though.”

He laughed, his head falling back on his shoulders, “Last time I checked, you told me the machine’s have minds of their own. I accept no responsibility.” 

He made a note in his head of the fact that you remembered him from your last encounter. It wasn’t the last time he was in the store, but it was the last time he saw you. Every time he stepped into the store since then, he searched for you near the registers and today was the first time in weeks he finally saw what, and who he wanted to see.

“I only said that because you looked scared, and I wanted to make you feel better.”

Better wasn’t the only thing you made him feel in your short encounter, and the man knew this as he replied, “How noble of you.”

You laughed at that, so much you didn’t catch the look of pure admiration he gave you as he studied your features from where he was standing.

“Yeah, someone has to do it, right?” You breathed.

He didn’t respond, but you saw him smiling as he shook his head at the machine.

three.

It was a pretty boring day. With only one other cashier in the store, it truly felt like you were in the middle of the woods. You leaned over onto your station, chin in your palm as you looked around the store in view. 

“Hi,” A voice broke you from your daze. You stood up straight looking over at the customer.

“Hi, can I help you with anything?” You asked.

“Not at the moment, but I’ll let you know,” He said as he walked over to a nearby machine.

You had every intention to lean back down in your spot, but as you peeked outside, your eye caught the sight of your favorite mystery customer. He was getting out of a nice white car, a car that made you mumble holy shit to yourself. Looking away quickly, you stood straight at your station. Since you couldn’t see the entrance and wouldn’t dare to look if you did, you didn’t know when exactly the mystery guy walked into the store. 

However, about 10 minutes later, he was walking into the self-checkout area.

“Hey,” He smiled as he approached the empty machine next to a slightly older man.

“Hi, nice to see you,” You smiled, as politely as possible. 

“You, too,” He smiled.

After a quick once over of him, you looked back to your monitor. At this point, his face had already been burned in your brain every time you came into the store. His voice burned into your memories, especially when it was saying your name, addressing you. Whoever the hell he was, he had an effect on you that forcibly kept him on your mind, no matter how minimal your encounters with him had been thus far. 

It was maybe a minute before you dragged your eyes up to look around. Spending a longer second on him, you could see the muscles he had clearly through his simple black tee. Snap out of it. You sighed, looking back at your monitor, even though you didn’t really want to. Why the hell was he so nice? Why the hell was he so hot?

“Excuse me, I need some help,” The man at the machine next to him called out. You nodded, moving towards him.

“How can I help?”

“I’m not sure how to do these tomatoes. They don’t have stickers.”

“Sure,” You replied, stepping closer to the screen to put them in. As he didn’t step back, you kept a safe distance, reaching around him. You did your best not to make a face signaling back the fuck up but that was only made harder by his stare that you could feel on the side of your neck.

“I see you here a lot, do you get a lot of hours?” He said in a teasing tone. 

“I get enough,” You responded through a polite one.

As you finished the tomatoes, you looked up at him, “Anything else?”

“What do I have to do to get your number?” He asked. “This has to count as, like, our fourth meeting.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t give my number out to customers,” You pursed your lips, eyes flickering back to the machine. “Anything with your items, though?”

“Make an exception for me,” He said, ignoring your redirection.

“No, I’m sorry. But, if that’s it with your items, I’m going to go back over there.” As you turned around to walk back over to your station, he grabbed your arm, halting your movements. It wasn’t a tight grip at all, but it was locked. You could cause a scene, scream and draw unnecessary attention, but you opted out. You still attempted to pull your arm free, getting more frustrated as he didn’t let up.

You turned, locking eyes with him, “Let me go.” Punctuation every word, you pointed to the cameras that you were only 20% sure were actually recording the encounter.

“Let me give you my number, then.”

Your eyes once again scanned the area that apparently had everyone looking everywhere but where you were basically being held against your will. You looked over at the mystery guy who was focused on bagging his items now, holding your eyes on him longer because you really didn’t know what to do and he did seem like your closest solution without drawing too much attention. If only you knew his name. Shit. 

“I said no already, seriously, stop,” You narrowed your eyes back at the man holding you, hiding the true fear you were feeling under your skin. “You do know that this is grounds to get you banned from this store, correct? Arrested, even?”

“Come on,” He jerked you slightly and you tried again to calmly remove his hand.

“Dude,” You heard suddenly. You looked over to see the mystery guy, who you could now call your hero, beside you, bags in hand and eyes trained on the man’s now tightened grip on your arm. “What are you doing?”

“We’re talking,” He responded, releasing you within seconds, especially after the mystery guy stepped closer. You stepped back, closer to the mystery guy unintentionally.

“That didn’t look like talking, man.”

“How about you worry about your own shit?” You rolled your eyes at that, walking back over to the station. You took a deep breath, rubbing the area that had already started to redden from his grip. You didn’t look up as the two men exchanged words or when the mystery guy came over.

“Are yo- Wait, is that your manager? Should I go get him?” You followed his pointer finger then looked back down at the monitor.

You shook your head, avoiding his eyes, “I’m fine, thank you though. I really appreciated that.”

“This is your place of work,” He said, slowly. “Are you sure you don’t want me to tell someone? Give a statement or something? That was insane.”

You nodded, “It’s fine. A guy with an ego as big as this store is not worth me stressing over.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t notice it before, though. Is your arm okay?“ His eyes trailed down and you shifted on your weight onto your other leg, looking down at the damage, but also to look somewhere else besides his eyes.

“I’ll be okay, I’ve suffered through worse,” You gently shrugged, looking back up at him. He was already watching you and you could see his shoulders slump.

“I’m sorry, again-”

“-You are not the one who should be apologizing,” You started. “This is a grocery store, we really can’t control who comes in here.”

“They should,” He raised his eyebrows. “For your safety.”

You were sure he meant “your” as all cashiers and not just you.

You paused for a moment, unsure of how to respond, going with, “Yeah.”

“I’m still sorry that he thought it was okay to put his hands on you,” He said. You nodded slowly and he smiled then, a light laugh escaping his lips. “I hope you have a safe rest of your shift, Y/N.”

As you held eye contact, your stomach did a flip at the thought of him saying your name. It was music to your ears, and also a slight boost to your ego.

“You know, it’s a little unfair that you know my name and I don’t know yours since we’ve talked multiple times at this point.”

Adjusting his bags to one hand, he held the other out to you, “I’m Connor.”

“Well, it’s nice to finally have a name to put to the face,” You responded, returning the handshake. You cursed yourself in your head for not double checking for sweat as your hands touched but he didn’t seem to mind, if there was. In fact, all Connor could think about was the fact that you basically just admitted to him that you had been thinking about him. Or, at least that’s what he hoped you meant because that would make him feel less weird for having thought about you so much. 

This was only the third time he had seen you and you were on his mind more than he ever expected. At this rate, Connor knew he was fucked. But, he didn’t know you were, too. He didn’t know anything about you, and that was the problem.

He thought about doing it then, putting himself out there to a complete stranger, even though you didn’t feel like a one to him. Just ask for her number, he thought. Then, he remembered the asshole you had both just dealt with and decided to leave it for now. Bad timing, he convinced himself.

“I’m sorry I don’t wear a name tag like you,” He joked.

You smiled, rolling your eyes, “Yeah, lucky you.”

“I’ll see you around,” Connor then replied. “Be safe.”

“I’ll try,” You sighed. “Bye, Connor.”

“Bye.”

Watching him as he walked off, you thought back to what had all just happened. You made a note to tell your supervisor when he got back from his lunch and of course, have that man banned from the store. You also started to mentally prepare yourself for your next encounter with Connor. Connor. Now you had a name to think about during the boring hours of work.

four.

“Fancy seeing you here.” You nearly jumped out of your skin as you walked through the parking lot of the supermarket. You had the early morning shift, which was usually a graveyard, and had hoped you wouldn’t have to work too hard.

Turning on your heel, you were surprised to see Connor getting out of his car. How the hell did I miss his car right in front of me? you thought as you looked down, double-checking your appearance subtly. You weren’t a slob, especially lately since you never knew who you would run in to. Who am I kidding? This is exactly what you wanted to happen. Maybe not early in the morning but beggars can’t be choosers, can they?

“Who goes to a supermarket at 7 am?” You asked, stopping with your hand on your hip. 

The sun was shining bright behind Connor, and you couldn’t see his eyes trail over you. You looked better than he even remembered. You were wearing blue jeans that were exactly your size and since you had classes the day before, your hair wasn’t a total mess. It was a simple look but still made Connor’s breath hitch as he stood in front of you.

Much to his despise, it had been over three months since he last ran into you at the store. On top of his practices in preparation for the upcoming hockey season, he had media interviews up to his neck as a young captain in the NHL. 

You, of course, had resumed classes and worked less hours at the supermarket to keep academics as your main priority. Having only three shifts a week seemed small, but you were stressed and the semester wasn’t even halfway done. When did professors stop giving students a few weeks before killing them with assignments?

“Someone who has a tight schedule,” He smiled, walking until he was by your side. Nodding to the store, “Opening shift?”

“Unfortunately,” You sighed, nodding. 

“Well, at least you’ll be awake for the rest of the day,” He said.

“Thinking like that is the only way I convince myself to get up,” You laughed.

“How have you been?” He slyly slowed his stride as you walked towards the entrance together to prolong your conversation, hoping you weren’t running late for your shift. You noticed, and continued at his speed, biting your lip to stop from smiling.

“Pretty good, tired,” You shrugged. “How about you?”

“Same,” He laughed, putting his hands in his pockets. “How long have you been working here?”

“Like a year and a half,” You answered. “It’s close to where I live.”

“Hm,” He hummed.

“Close enough that I could walk if I wanted to,” You said. “But, also driving is an option, I guess. Not that that’s important or anything, or that you even needed that much detail.”

If it wasn’t for him standing next to you, you would have pinched yourself for how awkward you were being. You weren’t used to talking to an attractive guy this early in the morning. Or, at all.

“No, it makes sense,” He replied, laughing. “I was just asking because I feel like I would have noticed you before we met.”

“Notice me?”

He looked down at you, a smile still on his lips, “Yeah, I would definitely remember you.”

“My first memory of you is when you broke our machine,” You teased.

He rolled his eyes, “I didn’t break it, it did that to itself,” He defended. 

“Sure,” You nodded sarcastically.

“Anyway,” He sighed dramatically, letting out a laugh after. “I think that’s when I first saw you, too.”

“Now, I finally know your name,” You said as you finally reached the entrance.

“You do,” Connor responded, smiling. 

As you entered the store, you couldn’t miss your boss already waving you over with a wide smile on his face. Furrowing your eyebrows, you looked back at Connor to say bye but he moved to speak at the same time.

“We-”

“Ca-” You both froze, and you blushed under his eye. He smiled again, “You can go first.”

“No, I think you should go because I was just going to say that my boss is waving me over like a crazy person.”

Connor turned around to your nod, and you watched your boss furrow his eyebrows before Connor looked back at you.

“I was just going to say I hope you have a good shift, if I don’t see you before I leave the store.” That wasn’t at all what Connor wanted to say but he knew you had to go. And, he’d much rather ask you out when your boss wasn’t watching less than 20 feet away.

“Oh, thank you,” You smiled, oblivious to his failed attempt. “Have a good day, with whatever crazy thing has you here at 7 am.”

He laughed, “I’ll see you around.”

and, one.

Finally free, you thought as you adjusted your bag on your shoulder. You had just finished your shift, the day finally reaching 5 pm. You were on your way out of the store, waving bye to your coworkers on the registers when you saw Connor bagging items near the exit.

You noticed he was practically done and simply gathering his things together to walk out and you thought about speeding by him as sly as you could, hoping to avoid an encounter when you were sure you looked as drained as you felt. However, before you could even make a decision, he looked over, eyes locking on yours.

He smiled, brightly, “Y/N, hey!”

“Hi, Connor,” You smiled, laughing lightly at his excitement.

“How are you? Are you just now getting off?” He looked down at his watch.

“Yeah, I’ve been here for a few hours,” You replied. “More protein shakes?”

He laughed, “I’m actually good on those. I had to restock on my unhealthy stuff this time.”

“I’m surprised,” You said. He grabbed his bags, motioning to the exit. This is it, he thought. Connor heart rate quickened as he quickly went over what he wanted to say in his head.

“No one eats healthy all the time,” He said as you both walked towards the exit. “Did you drive today?”

“I did, actually. I knew I was going to be too lazy to walk after eight hours,” You admitted. “And, it’s been getting dark a lot earlier.”

“Smart,” He smirked. 

“I haven’t seen you in awhile,” You commented after a few moments. “Awhile,” meaning a little over two months. 

“I’ve actually been out of town for a few weeks,” He said. “But, I did have a question for you, so I’m happy I caught you today.”

“About the store?” After it came out of your mouth, you realized how truly stupid you sounded. Obviously not.

“No, not really,” He said, looking down at you briefly. 

“What’s up?” You asked him. At this point, you had reached his car in the parking lot, your car only a few spots down. He set his bags on the ground, slightly fumbling around to find what you thought were his keys.

You watched him, and held in your smile when he finally found them, letting out a slight breath of relief. He looked over at you, and you were caught red-handed. You weren’t sure what reaction you expected, but blushing and shaking his head was not one of them.

“Give me a sec,” He mumbled as he pressed a button on his key to open the trunk of his car. You looked over the part of the clean interior that was visible to you, admiring it.

“This is a really nice car,” You said as he placed his bags in the trunk.

“Thank you,” He said, reaching up to close it. “Can I walk you to yours?”

“Sure,” You felt your heart rate pick up as he locked his car again. “It’s just right here.”

“So, you can absolutely say no, I can take it,” He started, and you couldn’t tell if he was still blushing from a few moments ago, or maybe it was just the reflection of the headlights of passing cars. “Would it be okay if I asked for your number?”

You had enough self control in the moment to keep your jaw from falling, or your face from turning as bright as firetruck, but your words were always another thing. “You want my number?”

“Yeah,” He laughed softly. 

“Why?” The word came out of your mouth before you could stop it. You also couldn’t stop the blush then, taking a breath to push your hair out of your face, nervously. “Sorry, I mean, uhm, what-, why-”

“-Our sixty second conversations kinda have me hooked,” He explained. “And, I’d really like to take you out sometime, but obviously I wanted to work my way to that since we don’t know each other and I get that this might be weird. And, maybe you get this a lot working here.” He was beginning to ramble so he stopped, staring into your eyes to hopefully communicate that he really wasn’t some weirdo. Just a guy super into you, even though he barely knew anything besides your name and your laugh. And, so far, also your corny but admirable digs at him. 

He couldn’t help but smile when he was around you, and he really couldn’t help but want to see you outside of the store. He wanted to get to know you, and spend more time with you. He knew there had to be a lot more to you than your job.

“This does happen sometimes,” You nodded. “Usually, older, perverted guys. The occasional young guy with a big ego, really depends on the day.”

“I hope I don’t fit into either of those categories,” He laughed. “I really don’t want to overstep or make you feel weird.”

“You haven’t,” You responded quickly. “It’s okay, do you have your phone on you?”

He smiled then, reaching into his pocket before pulling out his phone. Unlocking it, he handed it to you and watched as you typed away. 

Holy shit, he thought again. It was the first time that he was ever really nervous to ask a girl for her number and he almost expected you to reject him. Already be in a relationship, or just simply not be interested. He expected the worst, just like you did.

You hoped he couldn’t see the shaking that you felt in your fingers as you created a contact for yourself in his phone. Once you were finished, you looked up to find him already watching you. Blushing, you held his phone out to him, “There you go, that’s me.”

He took his phone back, smile widening after he looked down at the screen. “Thank you.”

“I guess I’ll talk to you soon?” You suggested, finally unlocking your car.

“Definitely, I’ll text you later tonight,” He responded, stepping back a few steps.

“Okay,” You grinned, opening the door. He nodded before a smile appeared on his face as he walked backwards towards his car.

“Bye, Y/N.”

“Bye, Connor,” You responded as you slid into your car. Closing the door, you let out a breath as you kept your eyes forward to start the car.