#literally no wrong answers history and space are both super cool

[tardis-technician]

I'm curious! Reblog and add the first place you'd ask to go and/or the first historical figure you'd ask to meet if you were a companion!

[jeonqukie]

PLAYING CUPID / 01.

SYNOPSIS / Consistently overshadowed by your older sister, you expect your days in high school to be filled with plastic smiles and apathetic peers with hidden intentions. Everything changes when four of the most popular guys in school join you and your best friend for lunch on the first day of school.

FEATURING / Kim Namjoon; appearances by Jung Hoseok, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung, and Jeon Jungkook.

GENRES & TAGS / high school au, freshman reader, senior namjoon, student council president namjoon, best friend jungkook, lots of fluff, and some angst.

WARNINGS / Graphic and mature language, slight age difference/gap (to clarify, oc is 14-15 yrs old and namjoon is 17 - first part is rated pg); list will be updated as fic is updated accordingly.

WORD COUNT / ~10.3k

NOTES / I am a day late in posting this and I want to let you guys know that this is... not edited at all and I will be looking through this every now and then to correct any errors. But I hope you enjoy the first part of this series! I wasn’t expecting this to be relatively long, but it was all to set up the characters dynamics and the history behind the reader and Namjoon’s relationship. Any feedback is appreciated. To repeat, I’m so sorry this was super late. Please expect part 2 to be up in ~2 weeks. (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

All rights reserved © jeonqukie (formerly known as aiscka). All (or portions) of my work may not be reproduced, redistributed, reclaimed, translated, modified, or used in any way whatsoever without my permission.

“You’re Sena’s little sister, right?”

You’d be a damn millionaire if you made a dollar for every person on campus tried to break the ice with you. It was a severe understatement to say that your older sister was known around town. She was vice president of the student council, president of the debate club, and the best player on the varsity volleyball team. All of the teachers and faculty adored her, every girl wanted to be her, and every guy wanted to be with her.

For the longest time, you assumed your sister was a celebrity on campus.

You were so wrong.

It was because you never met him. You’ve heard his name so many times whenever your sister had sleepovers with her friends or when she was on the phone with a friend, whispering so softly into the receiver, afraid that someone would find out about that she had a crush on him. You were perplexed because you thought your sister was a very forward person; she had so much confidence talking to so many guys who desperately wanted her attention yet somehow her palms would sweat over him.

“Hey, you know who Kim Namjoon is?” You would sit at the cafeteria for the first time with your best friend, Jungkook, who had devoured half of his ham and cheese croissant sandwich. He looks at you and he would raise one brow.

“Oh no, don’t tell me you’re one of those girls who’s obsessed with hyung.” But Jungkook sees the genuine confusion form on your face. You catch a glimpse of your older sister who sat on the other side of the cafeteria, thumbing a reply on her phone while her friend nudges at her when she sees the notorious posse that every girl swoons over.

It was a scene right out of a movie.

At that time, you had the faintest idea who they were, but you were quick to find out why they were so well known around campus. Jung Hoseok was the senior of the group; he was a dancer and was featured in numerous music videos by well-known artists and he had an extensive list of choreographers willing to work with him. Kim Taehyung and Park Jimin were inseparable; they were juniors who ran the school newspaper and the school yearbook – Taehyung being in charge of the photography while Jimin being in charge of the organizing the yearbook staff. Meanwhile, there was Kim Namjoon; student council president, valedictorian of his class, member of the honor society and numerous organizations on campus.

“Wait, you know who Namjoon is?” You were curious whether Jungkook knew of him, not exactly knowing the guy.

“Yeah. I mean, he’s been my next-door neighbor for god knows how long. His folks and mine go out for golfing twice a month.” You just nod to his answer when you are shoving a chocolate moon pie into your mouth.

But your mouth instantly goes dry when the four guys appear right across from you and Jungkook are seated.

“Gukie!” Hoseok exclaimed at the sight of Jungkook still devouring his croissant. “Look at you! Finally, you’re with the hyungs in high school.” The tease made Jungkook’s ears go pink and you feel your own face get hot; not because of second hand embarrassment, but because you can see everyone’s eyes on you – the two freshmen who had no right to be sharing a table with, what you can only assume, the four most popular guys on campus.

There were many times where people would only want to get to know you because of your sister; girls wanted to get close to you because you were had a cool older sister and boys wanted to be with you because they were so eager to come over to your place and obsess over Sena.

Jungkook, on the other hand, had no interest in her. As a matter of fact, you met Jungkook when you were in middle school and took a swimming class and later found out that you two were in the same class and bonded over your competitive nature in swim class.

“Who’s this? You got a girlfriend on your first day already?” You and Jungkook exchange a look of disgust with each other and create a sensible amount of space for each other to establish that you both see each other as friends.

“Oh my god, wait – you’re Sena’s little sister, right?” Hoseok corrected Jimin who had made the assumption you and Jungkook were an item. Jungkook can see the way you scrunch your nose from his periphery, and he decides to answer for you instead.

“This is YN. She’s… literally been my best friend since middle school.” Jungkook introduces you to the four people right across from you. “YN, this is Hoseok – well, I call him Hobi-hyung. This is Jimin-hyung and Tae-hyung. I’m pretty sure you know Namjoon-hyung because –”

“ – school council president.” You interrupt because you didn’t want Jungkook to reveal that you had been inquiring about him earlier. “I remember because you made that welcome speech this morning at the assembly.”

Namjoon is rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment and you resume eating your packed lunch, despite losing all appetite because you are surrounded by so many people did not know. They weren’t terrible people, but you weren’t mentally prepared for such strong personalities and dynamics to be introduced all at once. You felt like an intruder – a fly on the wall – because everyone carried on with their normal conversations; Jungkook and Hoseok were talking about plans for the weekend and then Jimin and Taehyung were already drafting out ideas for the yearbook. Meanwhile, you sat in silence as you ate your tuna salad sandwich, reading a new book you were gifted over the summer by your parents.

“Let me know when you’re done.” A voice catches your attention, and you stop all chewing. “The book, I mean.” Namjoon clarifies and he sees that you are already halfway done with it. “I read it a year ago and I’d like to hear what you think of it.” He offers you a heartwarming smile and you nod once, returning the same grin.

“I started it a week ago. I really like it so far.” The conversation is light and drowned out by the loud voices beside you.

You never really pinned him as a reader.

“So, how’s your first day so far?” He inquires and you honestly thought that the conversation was… over. Normally, that’s how all the conversations go when people find out your Sena’s little sister. They feign their interest in you and instantaneously ask about her.

“It’s… nothing special.” You admit, smoothing your fingers on the pages of the book. “Most of the classes I have before lunch, Guk’s with me. Now –”

“Now, her large, wrinkled brain is going to abandon me and get into those advanced program and honors classes.” You are rolling your eyes at your best friend who whines that you decided not to take the same classes as him.

“We literally have homeroom, social studies, and PE together and then we see each other for breaks and lunch. I think you’ll live.” The group laughs which earns quite a bit of stares from outsiders, but they seem to be completely unfazed by it. Everyone turns back to their own conversations and, usually, your social presence isn’t necessarily sought out by people.

It wasn’t until you hear another inquiry fall out of Namjoon’s mouth.

“What do you have right after lunch?”

“Biology.”

“Honors biology, by the way. Can’t you spare just one regular class for me? Or does your GPA really matter that much to you?” Jungkook complains and you are left ignoring his comments.

If there was one thing that your older sister taught you (something you actually agree with) is that colleges love a good GPA and joining as many clubs as possible. You even remembered how she’d phrase it for you; college admissions officers will cream their pants when you score that 4.0 GPA and do something out of the box from the rest of your peers.

“Or just get smarter, Guk.” Hoseok poked fun at Jungkook, earning a shrug from Jungkook. Namjoon, on the other hand, is smiling from ear to ear at the dynamic between the elder and the youngest of the group.

“Let me see your schedule.” Namjoon urges as he spots your clear binder which has your printed schedule on the cover. You push over your binder to Namjoon who is scanning your binder; he reads through your name, your birth date, the list of teachers you had for the semester and the classes assigned to you.

You feel indifferent about the sudden attention on you, especially from Namjoon; a mere stranger who everyone obsessed over was so piqued by you. You observe the way the corner of his slips curve into an impressive smirk as he glances over at Hoseok.

“Guess who we have for calculus at the end of the day?” He slides over your binder where the rest of the group examine the rest of your schedule, only for Hoseok to find a coinciding class with you.

“How the fuck are you in a senior’s class? Are you some math whiz or something?” Taehyung’s eyes widen at the sight of an advanced calculus class on your schedule. It was one of the things you were proud of you; you were good at math – it happened to be Sena’s worst subject and your parents often joke what she lacked; you had gained immensely.

“Yeah, YN’s cracked, hyung. I don’t understand. I remember in middle school they had to make arrangements for her to get into a pre-caclulus class or some shit like that.” Jungkook finishes his fruit cup and gathers all of the trash on site to toss over to the closest garbage bin.

Namjoon is sliding your binder right back at you, brows raised at you with the same grin he had on. He stares at you for what seemed like a long time – to you, it seemed like a long time and he is glancing back down at where your fingers brush against each other and he pulls away, not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable.

“I – um, saw that you were taking orchestra too.”

You nod and chew on your cheek, self-conscious all of a sudden about your appearance because you are very much aware that Namjoon is examining every aspect of your face.

“Yeah. I mean, I already know how to play the piano, so I might as well learn how to play another instrument, right?”

“No – yeah, you’re right.” He stammers and he folds his hands together only to be interrupted by Jimin tossing over a bag of pretzels at Namjoon.

“Bell’s about to ring. Pretzels was all they had left. We need to head to physics soon.” Taehyung and Jimin are swinging their bags over their shoulders. Hoseok is too busy on his phone, showing Jungkook a video of his new choreography.

Suddenly, you are receiving a plethora of notifications in the depths of your jean pocket. Your fingers unlock your phone only to reveal a series of text messages from your sister.

Sena [12:29]: Did you just spend your entire lunch with Kim Namjoon?

Sena [12:32]: Earth to YN?

Sena [12:39]: GUK IS FRIENDS WITH ALL 4 OF THEM.

Sena [12:41]: You have officially made a fucking impression to this school. I’m so proud of you. You’re sitting with us at lunch tomorrow.

“Guess I’ll see you later, YN.” The bell doesn’t descend you back to reality. Instead, it was his voice that brings you to pack up your things into your bag. “You might want to sit at the back for Mr. Lu’s biology class; he’s a spitter.” Namjoon swings his backpack over his shoulder. “He reuses the same lesson plan every year. If you need any help with them, you know who to look for.”

As you’re swinging your own bag, Namjoon leaves you with a wink as he is exiting the doors of the cafeteria into the school hallways.

Now, you understand why the entire world was obsessed with Kim Namjoon.

“Alright, let’s get started,” Mrs. Kang, your calculus, is a middle-aged woman who didn’t look like she had aged past thirty. You found it incredibly hard to believe the woman was nearly in her mid-forties who had three kids of her own. She looked like a stern woman but had a good heart from what you remembered; she only wanted what was best for the class even though it meant tormenting them with a shit ton of homework. “I don’t need to go over the syllabus with you bunch. As you can see, this is a much smaller class than a regular class because not a lot of people pass this class.”

Silence fills the room from when you had first arrived. You were one of the last few people to find your seat because your class was all the way on the other side of campus. It seemed like everyone in your class were juniors or seniors. There were so many of them who knew each other from previous classes; they were all huddled in their own designated spots in the class, so you sat at the front of the class because all the seats at the back had been taken and it may help that you’re at the front because it’ll force you to pay attention.

“There’s a lot of material to cover and there’s only so much I can do. Since we’ve implemented the new block schedule, we’ll only be seeing each other for an hour and a half every Wednesdays and Fridays. First thirty minutes will be on new material, next thirty minutes will be spent on practice problems, and then the last thirty minutes will be working with your partner on getting your homework started. I’ve figured getting a head start on the homework for the last thirty minutes will be helpful just in case you or your partner are lost, you have me to ask for assistance.”

Someone’s hand raises up in the air out of your periphery.

Mrs. Kang points to them. “Yes, Namjoon?”

“How do we determine who are partners will be?”

“Please tell me we get to pick our partners.” Mrs. Kang is already turning her back to the class as she searches for a box that had been hidden behind her computer monitor only for her shake the contents of the box.

“The last time I gave the students the opportunity to choose who their partner was, I’ve written a disciplinary notice for academic dishonesty twice a week.” Mrs. Kang prefaced, and the room goes silent. As she continues ruffling through folded papers inside the wooden box, you are already aware of how the partner system is going to work.

Everything was going to be randomly assigned.

“We have 26 of you total which means there will be 13 pairs.” Mrs. Kang announces, and she walks around the class starting from the left where the person is picking a folded paper out of the box. Each person who had unfolded their paper sat patiently until Mrs. Kang had completed distributing the paired assignments around the room. She is fetching a pen and paper as she sits on her desk.

“Alright, our first pair is –” Mrs. Kang looks up to see two people raise their hands; it had been Hoseok and a girl with the prettiest bangs named Mimi. Mrs. Kang continued jotting down the pairs until you scanned the number on your own paper; a large 12 inscribed on your already tattered paper.

You hear Mrs. Kang’s voice as she calls out for the twelfth pair and you raise your hand. You don’t see anyone in your periphery raise their hands, so you turn your body around to search for your partner.

Your body turns cold and still, but you can feel your cheeks get warm at the sight of Namjoon seated down at the back with Hoseok with his hands raised, revealing that he had pulled the same number as you. The thumping in your heart is loud and it beats hard as each moment passes.

Both your hands lower and you are trying to turn your attention back to the front of the class where your teacher stood, but you can feel his eyes on you. You remembered scolding yourself, unaware of why you were so nervous and so shocked to be his partner – he saw you nothing more than another classmate; someone to help him with his assignments.

“Perfect! Since we have our pairs, everyone will be sitting next to their partner from now on; I don’t care where it’ll be. I just need you to sit with them, so we’re not scrambling at the last thirty minutes of class to find them.” Mrs. Kang says sternly, clearly not wanting to waste time in this class. “Shall we begin?”

“How do you already have so much shit to do?” Jungkook laid comfortably on your bed, shoving down salt and vinegar potato chips that your parents had bought from the store last weekend. “Do you like never take a break from reading or what?”

“It’s just a really interesting book.” You say as you flip through the next page and bite into an apple.

You two laid on your bed, basking in the afternoon sun. Normally, you two didn’t have this much down time. Last summer, you two volunteered to be camp counselors to lessen the boredom you two would endure. It was either that or spending every goddamn weekend on the golf course with Jungkook’s parents and yours.

“I was thinking of trying out for the track & field team.” Jungkook informs you and you resume reading. “Namjoon-hyung tells me that the team runs right after school and it sounds fun. Events are early though, and we all know I’m not an early riser.”

The mention of Namjoon urged you to reminisce back to your last period that day. Mrs. Kang mentioned that she wasn’t going to let the class immediately sit right next to their homework partner – thank god. You just wouldn’t know what to talk about with him; you don’t really know what to talk about with people because they always somehow led the conversation back to your older sister.

But, at the end of class, he did manage to keep up with you as you hastily packed all your items into the bag before you darted outside of the classroom. You planned on walking home with Jungkook and you two would meet at the front of the school. Namjoon, somehow, caught up to you in time.

He had grabbed your arm and greeted with you with his million-dollar smile. “Hey,” He breathes, and you stop to offer him a meeker and shier smile.

“Hi, what’s up?”

“You’re meeting with Guk?”

You give him a single nod before he hands you two pieces of paper. You’re curious as to what they are, and you see the words parent’s consent form along with the health forms to give to a doctor – for a physical.

“He’ll know what they’re for.” He reassured you and you hold onto the forms. “Thanks for that. I have to go; I have a meeting in five minutes with the student council.”

“I’ll be sure to give it to him. Was there anything else you wanted to tell him?”

He shakes his head, and he starts reversing his steps, clutching onto the straps of his bags. “I – um, I’m really looking forward for calculus – you know, the whole partner thing. I must be really lucky to be partnered with a cracked, math whiz like you.”

Now, you’re blushing because you weren’t really sure if you were supposed to be flattered or offended.

And he read you so well because he is suddenly panicking but he hid it. He stops his reverses, and he takes one step closer to you.

“I’ll see you and Guk at lunch tomorrow, if that’s alright?” He hums; his voice sounded so soft and clear to you – no one can hear a single thing he had said to you, but you heard him bright as day. Suddenly, you feel a grin creep up to your mouth and you nod once. You had regained some of your confidence back and Namjoon can see it. “Cool, well, I’ll see you ‘round, YN.”

“Earth to YN.” Jungkook snaps at you and you pay attention to your friend who is lying next to you. “Did you hear a single thing I said?”

“Sorry ‘bout that. I dozed for a couple minutes.” You admit and he scrunches his brows, dismissing your moment of silence.

“I was asking how it was like to be in a class of seniors.”

“There’s no difference, honestly.” You begin your thought. “It sucks just because I don’t really know anyone, and everyone knows everyone.”

“Yeah, but you have Namjoon-hyung and Hobi-hyung.” Jungkook reassures you. “They’re basically your friends now because we’ll be hanging around them a lot.”

You weren’t sure if you were looking forward to or nervous to be spending a lot more time with the older guys. They made a good first impression on you though; they’ve probably only mentioned your sister’s name once. Granted, it was only thirty minutes spent together, but it was so much better than most of the conversations you’ve had with everybody else.

“That’s true. I have Namjoon as my homework partner, so I’ll… definitely need to get along with him.” You chuckle under your breath as you read through each line without comprehending a single thing. Your mind had been so clouded with the idea of Namjoon and you weren’t sure why.

Jungkook decided not to stay for dinner that evening even though mom made two pans of lasagna to feed a village. However, he did help you and your mother prepare it. Your mom was pretty insistent on it, so you promise that you’d be giving him some leftovers for lunch the next day. Your dad arrived home next; it was a typical evening – he beelined to your mom, planted a kiss on her cheek and patted your back before he hastily moved to the office to continue working. Sena arrived home from school at a later hour than usual before she was already setting the plates on the dining table.

“Alright, Guk, final offer.” Your mother says as she is pulling out two piping pans of lasagna out of the oven.

“No, thanks, Mrs. LN.” He respectfully declines before he is swinging his backpack over his shoulder. “Mom’s expecting me home right about now for dinner. I’ll definitely ask YN to pack me up some leftovers though.”

“Alright.” She waves him a goodbye before you are showing him to the door. “Walk home safely.” She bids him a goodbye softly as she pulls the foils off the pan.

“Pack me an extra serving, please.” Jungkook pleads and you roll your eyes before he already made his way out of the door.

“Honey, dinner’s ready!”

“You did not tell me Jungkook was friends with Namjoon.” Sena settles herself on the dining table and you sit right across from her, waiting for your mom to begin serving everyone a slice of lasagna.

“Quite frankly, I didn’t know Jungkook even knew Namjoon either. I’d say I’m just as surprised as you are, but I really don’t know what the fascination is with Namjoon.” You lied through your teeth as your mom serves herself first (she called dibs on the corner piece) and you decide on getting the smallest piece since you weren’t so hungry that evening.

“Are you talking about Mr. and Mrs. Kim’s son? Is this the same Namjoon we’re talking about right now?” Your mom’s curiosity is evident in her tone, taking small bites out of a side salad she had prepared.

“Yes, and Sena is hopelessly in love with him.” You shove the lettuce into your mouth as you wait for your lasagna serving to cool down momentarily.

“How can you not be in love with him?” She breathes out hastily. Your dad has his brows raised in disbelief; his daughter talking endlessly about her crush.

“He is a nice boy; responsible, kind, gentle, polite, seems to get things done, really cute too.” Your mom lists his never-ending advantages, and you stray away from their eyes because you hate the admit that you find him incredibly cute.

“Can we please talk about something other than this boy?” Your father is already exhausted from listening to you talk about Namjoon and you don’t blame him, really. “How was the first day for you, dear?” He refers to you and you are still chewing on your dinner.

“I have three classes with Guk. I like all of my classes so far; I can already tell calculus is going to be… a lot of work. We have a test every week and we mandatory study sessions after school for the exam to qualify for college credits. Thankfully, I have a partner to work with just in case I don’t understand anything. There’s also –”

“Who’s your partner? Maybe I know them.”

Your silence is defeating, and you look at your dad who is waiting for his answer and you dart your eyes back at Sena who is piecing the puzzle in her head, so she drops her mouth open, gasping at your lack of a response.

“No fucking way!”

“Language, please, Sena.” Your mom scolds.

“I mean, you’ve been in the same classes as him before! I’m sure you’ve been in a group project with him or something. You guys are in the same clubs. I don’t understand why you haven’t asked him out.” You weren’t so sure what motivated you to blurt it all out because your sister was definitely a good catch, but the obsession with him was getting way out of hand.

“That’s ridiculous, YN. I would never ask out a guy. I don’t even know he likes me that way.” Sena is taking small bites out of her dinner and you sigh to yourself, chewing on the inside of your cheek. “If there was only a way for me to find out. It’s not like I have a sister who’s partners with him in a class – oh, she’s also best friends with his next-door neighbor! How convenient.”

She eyes at you where you decide to focus on your meal, but her eyes are pleading and desperate.

“I… am completely eliminating myself from this predicament, Sena. If you want to ask him out for yourself, you should do it. Besides, who wouldn’t like you? You’re amazing.” Your voice is sincere and genuine, and you hope she pushes all of her fears and insecurities to the side to do something about her feelings.

“It would just be so much easier if I knew if he thought I was cute or something.”

“Everyone thinks you’re cute.”

“That’s not the point, YN. Listen, how ‘bout this? You don’t even have to drop my name in there; just ask what his ideal girl is like or something… or let Guk do the work! I’m sure he already knows the answer. Just help a girl out, please, YN.” You sigh defeated because your sister was really good at convincing.

It wasn’t really hard to figure out what type of girl Namjoon was interested in or… if he was interested in girls. All of this was easier said than done and you were going to rely on Jungkook a lot on this.

“I’m not going to prioritize this.” You surrender and she is giddy in her seat.

“YN, you are the best sister anyone could ask for.”

Several weeks have passed since you had last had your conversation with your older sister. You made an emphasis that you weren’t going to prioritize delving into Namjoon’s personal life. You were purely on a calculus homework and best friend’s next door neighbor relationship with him. But you finally get an idea of what Namjoon likes in a girl when he had to leave early for calculus to get pep rally ready for the first football game that Friday.

Unknown [14:34]: It’s Namjoon. Got your number from Guk.

For some reason, you feel your heart leap out of your chest at the text message. You’re still seated in calculus class working on the first few problems of your homework without him. You look up to see that Mrs. Kang is too busy assisting other students confused with the problem. Honestly, you were confused too and were unsure with your methods, but your mind had been too focused on your cellphone the entire time.

Namjoon [14:35]: Should’ve gave you the heads up about this. Sorry about leaving you alone to work. ):

You [14:36]: It’s no big deal. Seems like everyone’s confused, tbh.

Namjoon [14:36]: Fuck, mb. It’s the first game of the night, so I’m kind of required to be here. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.

Namjoon [14:37]: I have some down time after setting up. Maybe we can work on it then?

You [14:37]: Just tell me the time and place, I’ll be there. (:

Namjoon says that he had somebody covering his duties for the student council before the game began. You see him rushing inside a computer lab that remained open for students to use. You had reserved a table at a secluded corner because you wanted to be away from prying eyes. He spots you trying to reread your notes and erase the umpteenth method you had tried for a word problem you were stuck on.

He admires the way your brows knit together; lips pursed as you began redoing your method on a separate piece of paper. He keeps standing, not taking his place on the chair right next to you – too afraid that you would interrupt your flow. You feel a presence right next to you and he nearly gives you a fright and you realize just how tall he is.

“You scared me.” You inform and he chuckles softly at how endearing it was. He takes the seat right next to you where he is already pulling out notebook and pencils from his bag.

“I left my book at my locker. Do you mind if I share your book with you?” You look at your open textbook and nod at once pushing the textbook closer for both of you to see. “Thanks.” He scoots much closer than you had intended and when he strips his hoodie off of him, you can smell his cologne and how good it smelled on him.

You ignore your thoughts and scurry back to the problem you’re on.

“What problem did you end on?” He inquires and you point to the exact word problem you had been staring at for the past thirty minutes in class.

“It’s been bugging me. I didn’t want to ask Mrs. Kang because I wanted to figure it out myself.” You were so stubborn, he thought to himself. You had only completed a total of eight problems when there was so much more to do for the weekend. For some reason, you decided to stay stuck on that problem for god knows how long and Namjoon found it adorable – one of the few attributes he liked about you.

He reads the word problem and begins trying to solve the problem on his own. After several tries, he had figure out what you had done wrong and he so desperately wanted to point it out to you. Just when he was about to open his mouth, you turn to him and shake your head, covering your ears with your hands.

“No. I refuse to let you tell me what you did wrong. I can figure this out myself.” You whisper harshly. Namjoon can’t help but respond with silenced laughter because this is exactly how your homework sessions have been going; just the both of you refusing to let the other correct each other until the other figured it out themselves.

“Can I give you one clue?”

“Nope.” You popped your ‘p’ to accentuate just how persistent you were. You stuck out your lower lip as you examined the word problem again and he looked at the glossiness of your mouth and the softness of your cheeks; how he desperately wanted to lay his own petals right on yours as his fingers crawl to your face.

“So, I have a question.” He starts.

“And I can try to give you an answer depending on what it is.”

“Are… you and Guk by any chance – y’know?” His question is vague, but you definitely know what he is asking you because lots of people were never really used to the idea of a boy and a girl ever being best friends; for some reason, people assume they always end up dating and never talking to each other again.

“God, no. I love him, but I don’t love him like… I’d date him.” Your cheeks were fully flamed, and you weren’t so sure why you were so embarrassed to discuss this with Namjoon. All the times you had to clarify people on your relationship with Jungkook, you were almost disgusted and quick to reassure people that you two were nothing more than friends.

“Well, is there anyone you were willing to date?” Namjoon is pushing the boundaries here and he knows it very well. But he feels like he has gotten to know you well enough in the past few weeks to ask such a question.

“Not that… I know of really.” You try to remain composed when you respond to his question, but you feel his eyes burn into your soul, so you’re doing everything you can to avoid his stare. But Namjoon continues to stare right into you. He really can’t take his eyes off of you. “Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever really experienced what it’s like to be attracted to –” Just when you had mustered the confidence to look at him, he is quite literally staring so deeply into your eyes that it is taking your breath away.

He is making you eat your words right now; you can’t take your eyes off of him.

“You don’t know what it’s like to…?”

“I don’t what it’s like to be attracted to someone.” You sigh softly; your breath fanning him. “On the contrary, I don’t think anyone’s ever really been attracted to me.” A chuckle comes erupting from your mouth, shaking your head. “Fortunately, that’s not really my goal in high school.”

“You don’t know that.” He quips.

“I don’t know what?”

“If someone’s been attracted to you before.” You shake your head in disbelief, chewing on the inside of your cheek knowing fully well that he was doing this because he wanted to seem like a dick for not disagreeing with your self-deprecation.

“Well, what about you?” You pose the question to him. “From what I understand, most girls and guys I pass by swoon every time you pass by.” He is chuckling to himself this time and he is very much aware of his desirability among his classmates. “You have plenty of choices; I’m sure you have the opportunity to date someone you must really like at this very moment.”

“That’s what I’m hoping on. I’m just not quite sure how she feels about me.” You feel like you were unraveling his darkest secrets and you were happy he considered you close enough to reveal who it is or give an inkling to who it is.

“Do I know her by any chance?” You’re hoping that you can narrow down who he is interested in. Because you barely knew anybody, you knew this would be a piece of cake.

“Yes.” He replies simply and he is staring at you. “You know her very well, YN.” He sighs, hoping you would finally understand what he is alluding to.

“Is she in my grade?” You were really hoping that the answer would be no or else you’d be breaking some terrible news to Sena that evening after the football game.

Namjoon nods slowly and he can see how you are not picking up his hints. He sees the slight disappointment in your face for whatever reason. Suddenly, he is perplexed because, in his eyes, he has made it pretty clear who he was interested in from the get-go. Many people should make the assumption, too, considering there was only one person he had his eyes on – only one person he was giving his attention to.

“Is it… that girl in Guk’s class who –”

As you are trying to list out the girls in your class who has interacted with Namjoon, he is in complete disbelief that you have not figured it out at all. How much more clueless could you get? He is sighing now because is frustrated. He admires your persistence when it came to solving difficult word problems in calculus but it’s frustrating when you are unaware of his feelings for you.

Just when is about to confess his feelings for you, you are greeted with another presence calling for both your names.

“So, this is where you two have been.” Jungkook ambles hastily towards your table and you grin from ear to ear when he is taking out his algebra textbook. “YN, one last chance, please. I didn’t pass my last quiz which brought me one letter grade down and my dad’s going to make me quit track & field if I don’t –”

“I told you I’d help you over the weekend, dumbass. I’m busy getting shit done with Namjoon.” You breathe softly before he is hugging you on your side and you grunt at how much stronger he has gotten. “But you’re buying me coffee for a week.”

“Sick.” Jungkook simply replies before he begins unpacking some of his homework. “You excited for the football game, Namjoon-hyung?” Jungkook queries and Namjoon is baffled because the moment is gone. One interruption from his next-door neighbor and the moment’s lost.

“Fuck yeah.” Namjoon replies and he sees that you’ve suddenly lost interest in the subject. You were subconsciously listening on their conversation while you are back to resolving the complicated word problem right in front of you. “Will you two be going to the game?”

“I’ll go, but YN won’t go because she hates crowds and, honestly, she doesn’t know how the game.” You exhale in response to Jungkook’s statements. Namjoon observes that you decide to move onto another problem, wanting to tackle the word problem at a different time. “Everyone you know will practically be there. Why not give it a shot?”

“We usually have half of the bleachers reserved for the student council since we’re in charge of tickets and concessions, so it won’t be that big of a crowd.” Namjoon attempts to entice you with modifications to appease your concerns. “Plus, we’d all get to hang out with each other; no homework, no calculus talk – just… us.”

Jungkook is stunned to see you agree.

The night was a lot more enjoyable than you thought it would be. Namjoon waived off the entrance fee for the game the moment he mentioned that you and Jungkook were volunteers. Taehyung was already on the field taking photographs of the football players and cheerleaders while Jimin took photographs of the students on the bleachers. You even passed by your own sister who was busy with her own group at the entrance entertaining friends, families, and alumni into the bleachers. Meanwhile, Namjoon was overseeing every single aspect of the event; he was mainly at the concessions, not wanting to create so much traffic around it.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” You offer your assistance before he notices that you have your hair all tied up. “I’ve washed my hands if that helps.” Namjoon can’t hide his smile and he offer you a pair of food safe gloves.

“I’m usually one to decline help, but we really need it. Let’s see – Yuqi really needs to go use the bathroom, so you can be in charge of the drinks and chips right now.” You take your station at the drinks and chips stations. It was going faster than you had expected; people ordered too fast or too slow – there was no in between. There were people who were very certain with their order which you appreciated. Then, there were the people who were very fickle with their order and you can’t help but stand awkwardly to wait for them to decide.

“I can’t believe you roped me into helping.” Jungkook grumbles under his breath. “Hey, I didn’t rope you into anything.” You take the five-dollar bill from the student and offer them back their change.

“Yeah, but you made me seem like a real asshole sitting there not helping.” You can’t help but laugh at Jungkook’s pout because you knew just how much he wanted to just spend his time on the bleachers, watching the game with his hyungs. But he was stuck here helping out the student council while most of them were on their bathroom breaks.

“Once someone’s back from their bathroom break, you can go back to your game.” You soothe him and the chaos outside the booth is starting to die down. Less and less people were coming because they’ve all satisfied their craving and the game was building up – it was pretty close, so you understand why Jungkook was in there sulking with you. When you turn to look at Namjoon, hoping to convince him to let Jungkook off the hook, you don’t see him there.

You look out the window to hear your sister’s pretentious giggle. She laughed so differently around him – acted so differently around him. He stood right next to her with the rest of the council members, giving them a big pep talk. She looked at him like he was an angel who fell from heaven. Their conversation ends and the rest of the council members disband except Sena and Namjoon. They are having a personal conversation and you can’t read mouths, but you can’t tear your eyes away from their beaming faces.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” You clear your throat, speaking so softly so only Jungkook can hear you.

“I’m all ears.”

“Does – does Namjoon have a type?” You say out of curiosity. Jungkook raises a brow at you, curious as to what motivated you to ask the question.

“Uh, I don’t know. I’ve never really heard hyung talk about any girls… or his type, to be honest.” He hums and he is staring at you stare at your sister and Namjoon. “Why’d you ask?”

“It’s… for Sena.” It was the truth, but your own curiosity was definitely a motivating factor. “She’s been obsessed with Namjoon since… as long as I can remember.” You breathe out, hoping no one else can eavesdrop on your conversation. “She’s been talking a lot about him more since she found out I knew him, y’know?”

“Huh,” Jungkook leans on the table and folds his arms. “Why doesn’t she just tell him?”

“Apparently, she needs some sort of confirmation that he thinks of her that way too, so she doesn’t make a fool of herself.”

“Why don’t you just ask him then?” Your silence is clearly something Jungkook wasn’t expecting because you never actually considered it once. “He’s a pretty easy-going guy; just ask him and he’ll be honest.”

“We’re not on that level of friendship yet, I guess.”

“Well, I consider you guys close enough to ask that kind of question.”

“Then, he’d just assume I’m being friends with him because my sister was using me.”

“Well, are you?”

“No.”

Your own answer stuns you almost. Just a couple weeks ago, you knew nothing of Namjoon and, suddenly, you are on a level of friendship where you think you can confide him in anything. Perhaps, now, you really understood why everyone obsessed over him; why everyone wanted to be friends with him, why everyone wanted to date him, why everyone just wanted to be noticed by him.

“Then, feel free to ask him yourself.”

You hadn’t really worked up the courage to talk to Namjoon about his dating life. You repeated to yourself that it wasn’t really a priority to delve into what goes on behind the scenes with Namjoon. You were in a consistent state of going to school, doing your homework, reading books, and retraining your body to try out for the swim team next semester. 

But the time came when you got sick for an entire week and missed so much material, especially calculus material.

But you were eternally saved by Namjoon himself.

Namjoon had requested to drop off the homework sheets and printed copies of his notes over to you. Everything was so detailed, and you were impressed with how organized everything seemed to be. You didn’t know what motivated you to reach for your phone on your bed and dial in his number. Maybe you felt like it deserved a personal thanks rather than a typed one.

“YN?” His voice on the other line sounded so surprised and there was so much noise on the other end. “Give me a second.” He excuses before you hear him move to another location, somewhere much quieter.

“How many times do I have to thank you for being an absolute saint?” Your voice sounded so stuffed. The flu was getting to you really bad, but you were recovering well. But he chuckles into the receiver and you are flipping through each page he had printed before you fall onto your bed, sighing blissfully. “I’m serious, Joon. I’ll say it a million times if I have to.”

“You’ve pulled my weight when I was off doing council work so much. I’m sure if I got sick, you’d do the exact same thing. It’s what partners do.” Namjoon is smiling from ear to ear; he was glowing, and no one was there to really witness it. “I – um, did you see my note attached at the back?”

You are now flipping through the pages frantically until you see a handwritten sticky note that read: “We have a quiz on the Monday you come back. I’m free this weekend if you wanted to study with me.” And there was even a little smiley face attached to it and you are experiencing a whirlwind of emotions.

“You have got to be fucking with me.” You can feel the panic starting to bubble in the pits of your belly, but you were trying not to let it show. “You’ve already done so much for me. I can’t rob you of your weekend. It’s just – It’s just too much.”

“I’m happy to do it, Ace. I promise.” The guy deserved everything in the world because he was too generous for the world and you weren’t so sure what you did to deserve such kindness.

“Ace?”

He chuckles embarrassingly into the receiver, chewing on his cheeks. “I – uh, it’s a nickname. I hope you don’t mind.” Suddenly, butterflies erupt from your stomach and there is a glow on your cheeks that you are very much aware of and you are curling into your bed with a shit eating grin on your face.

“I – I like it.” You sigh and Namjoon leans on the wall as he observes the rest of his friends and council members enjoy slices of pizza, taking a well-deserved break from preparing for the pep rally event coming up next week.

“So, is that a yes to a study session this Saturday?”

“Yes.” Your voice is small and hesitant because it feels like you’re doing something wrong when you were just having a quiz session with your calculus partner.

“Great. My place or yours?”

Namjoon insisted on coming over to your place because you were still recovering. Coincidentally, your parents had the weekend trip away with your dad’s work colleague for a wine tasting event. You debated whether you wanted to tell Sena that Namjoon was going to be arriving in an hour, but you soon realize that she was out with her friend’s house for a movie night session.

You had the place all to yourself and you were relieved and frantic all at once.

You busied yourself the entire day to make yourself look decent; brushed hair, brushed teeth, clean face, and fresh clothes. You throw used tissues into trash bins, changed your sheets, and kicked all of your dirty laundry into your hamper that had fallen on the carpeted floors. As you are jogging downstairs, you discover you have no food in the fridge, so you’d probably have to order a pizza or something to share with Namjoon.

Immediately, you question why you are so desperate to make the place and yourself so presentable when this was a mere tutoring session with your calculus partner?

The doorbell ringing prompts you to peek through the peep hole and you see him; he is wearing a regular white t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers. He has his hoodie thrown over his shoulder as he begins texting a message on his phone, waiting for you to open the door for him.

When you unlock the front door and open the door for him, you smile timidly at him.

“Hi,” You greet him nervously.

“Hey, Ace.” He waves before he examines how you look. Despite your red nose and tired eyes, he missed seeing your face for a week; he really did. You stood awkwardly fiddling with your fingers and he can sense just how anxious you are, so he decides to tread lightly. “May I come in?”

His tone is so polite which effectively allows you to open the door wider for him to enter. You are nodding and you close the door shut behind him, ensuring that you have locked them. “I – um, I can’t really offer you anything to eat since my parents are out of town, but we can order pizza, if you want. It’s what my sister and I usually do.”

“I’m more than okay with pizza.” He permits and you nod and begin walking to the living room. “Will we be working here?”

“We can work anywhere.” You announce. The conversation is so light, and you hate how quick yet reluctant you are to your responses. “I – I can get you a glass of water, if you’d like. I’ll just get my things from upstairs and bring them down to the living room.” You inform him and he nods as he is making himself comfortable on the couch.

You are scurrying off upstairs to go get your materials and catching your breath because you think you were holding your breath the entire time. You’re stalling because you’re making a check list of every single thing you need for downstairs to avoid seeing him or talking with him. Just when you are about to exit, you see him at the bottom of the stairs. He is examining each family portrait on the wall.

Your face is hot because you can only imagine how terrible you looked like a child, so you jog downstairs with your study materials to gain his attention. “I never really realized how much Sena looks like your dad.” Namjoon comments and you stop in your tracks, only to examine the portrait he is looking at. “Exact same nose and smile.”

You purse your lips into a thin line because you are reminded once again that he is probably only interested in getting to know Sena – there was always that possibility. You were so familiar with this feeling of discussing your sister with other people because – yes, she is absolutely beautiful and intelligent and there was no denying it.

“But you are like your mother.” He comments as he takes a closer look at your mom who seems to be so much more youthful. “The way she’s smiling here looks so much like the way you smile.” He describes and you allow him to explain more by staying silent. “When you smile, your nose kind of crinkles and the corners of your eyes creases and your dimples are a lot more –”

Your throat seizes because you’re flattered and aware that he has perfectly examined your appearance and all the features in what he sees. He grows silent and he is chuckling nervously, scratching the back of his hand to distract himself.

“Sorry that was… super random.” Namjoon clears his throat, and you are shaking your head before you point towards the living room.

“I – I’m ready now.”

Now, you’re desperately hoping Sena doesn’t come home too early from her friend’s house.

Hours have passed since Namjoon have gotten you caught up with all of the materials and have assisted you through last week’s homework sheets. Namjoon was impressed with how you can keep up despite your recovering condition. One minute, you were sneezing and wiping your nose clean and, the next minute, you have your lips pursed and brows furrowed as you are writing equations down on a separate piece of paper.

“I got a question for you.” Namjoon begins and you are still too busy piecing everything together for a specific word problem you wanted to master.

“Shoot.”

“Are you always this focused?” You are typing things into a calculator before you are erasing things on your paper and you turn to look at him, showing him the calculator.

“Is this the right answer?” You ignore his question for a moment.

He nods and you grin at him before you proceed onto the next word problem.

“If I’m a week’s worth of lessons behind, yes, I’m focused all the time.” Namjoon is shaking his head and he is in awe at how you are so quick at writing all the information; he notices how neat your handwriting is too. Namjoon checks his watch and realizes just how late it has been and he clears his throat as he looks out the window to see the sun has gone completely down.

“Will your sister be coming home tonight?” Namjoon notices that you stop writing – you stop solving the word problem that you are tackling because you, suddenly, realize that he is asking about your sister.

“She’s probably still at a friend’s house or something.” He senses the atmosphere has changed and you shift your mind back to the practice problem right in front of you. “Why do you ask?”

“No reason – well, I honestly thought she should be taking care of her recovering sister.” You snicker at his statement.

“She’s a great sister, but she’s not that great.” You quip, biting your tongue at how ridiculous he sounded. “I think we can all agree that she’s smart, charismatic, and ambitious. I will admit she’s a really considerate sister too, but she thinks caring for her ill sister is a parents’ job – not hers.”

“Okay, okay, I get it she’s amazing but not… amazing.” He raises his hands to surrender and his words coming out of his mouth urged you to inquire about his relationship with her.

“If you think she’s amazing, why don’t you date her?” The words came spilling out of your mouth uncontrollably. Maybe it was the meds, you thought. You see the grin disappear from Namjoon’s face into utter confusion and he tilts his head for further clarification. “What I mean is that… you’ve known her and worked with her for so long and she’s a great girl – I’m obviously really biased considering she’s my sister, but you two would make a… great couple.”

You didn’t believe that you were talking about this to Namjoon. You didn’t think you would have the guts to discuss this with him, but the opportunity came up and you took it. But you are faced with such an unfamiliar emotion. True discomfort arises at the pit of your stomach as Namjoon’s brows furrow together and he is shaking his head with the same boyish grin he always flaunted to the world.

“Ace, she’s great, but I… honestly see her as a friend.” He isn’t so sure how many times he’s reiterated those words before. Because little did you know, so many people have asked the exact same thing. Peers and colleagues in their class were very much aware of Sena’s not so little crush on Namjoon for quite some time.

“Well, I mean, isn’t that how all relationships really start? Becoming friends and then possibly developing feelings for each other? Most people always see each other as friends until one of them is aware of the others’ feelings, right?” Your tone was so quizzical. You were treating this conversation like it required rationale and logical reasoning to tackle the issue at hand.

But this wasn’t a problem the mind can solve.

“That’s the usual circumstance, yes.” He admits and he sees that you resume back to the worksheet. “But I’ve known Sena’s had a thing for me and, quite frankly, I’ve been interested in someone else for a while, remember?”

“Someone far more interesting than Sena?” You are in disbelief. You are trying to eliminate other people in school who is on the same social standing as your older sister. “That’s… not possible.” You breathe.

“You’re wrong.” You stop writing because you are retracing your steps on the word problem you are solving. He finds it so endearing how you can’t seem to understand that he is utterly into you, but you are so lost in numbers.

“No, don’t tell me, Joon. I’ve told you this hundreds of times –” You lift your head to look at him to accentuate your reminder; you didn’t want to know what you wrong, you wanted to solve the problem yourself unless you demanded the assistance yourself.

Normally, Namjoon would comply with your request. It was so rare for him to point out your mistake, but he figured this was the perfect time to do so.

“You’re so stubborn.” He breathes before he dives in.

You don’t complete your sentence. Because when you turn your head to look at him with pleading eyes, you are met with his pillowy petals on yours. Your cheeks heat instantaneously, and you can feel your heart leap from your chest.

His kisses were soft and slow. You don’t realize that he has already cupped your cheeks. You’ve never kissed anyone ever before but, for some reason, it was like you knew how to move your mouth against his. He was gentle but there was a certain control he possessed. You pull away momentarily to breathe and, suddenly, you feel the heat of his tongue swipe on your lower lip. A shuddered whimper leaves your mouth before you are regrettably pulling away from addiction.

“N – no, that’s not possible.” You’re still in denial from the events that occurred. “Sena – she’d be so… betrayed if she –” Your brain is glitching and it didn’t help that you can taste the mint of his lips on yours.

“Listen, Ace, for one moment stop thinking about Sena and answer me honestly.” Namjoon positions his body to look straight onto you. “Do you feel the same way I do or not?”

“I don’t – I don’t know.” You shrug before avoiding his eyes. “I – I shouldn’t like you.” You sigh defeated and you are covering your face. You were ashamed not because you like him, but because you didn’t understand what you were really feeling, and you didn’t understand what you wanted to do. “Why – why do you like me?”

“You’re hardworking and incredibly intelligent.”

“I know plenty of other girls who are… exactly the same.”

“Your tastes in book are impeccable. You’re selfless to a degree that I can’t quite comprehend. You keep to yourself, but when you speak your mind, it leaves a lasting impression. Listen, YN, I can keep going, but you can’t… keep doubting my feelings for you.” Namjoon justifies and it was a tough pill to swallow.

You were too stunned to say anything. Too many emotions flooding your brain and it took too long for it to process, so you remained expressionless. Namjoon found it incredibly difficult for him to read your face.

“Ace, it’s really hard to tell how you’re feeling right now.” He points out and you understand just how awkward you sat there; head spinning with so many things to say but very little coming out of your mouth.

“I – I don’t know what you want me to say.” You admit. “I’m not sure what you’re expecting out of me with a confession like this. If I don’t feel the same way, what would’ve happened? If I do feel the same way, what – what was I supposed to do?”

“Well, for starters, do you actually feel the same way as I do?”

“I – I do.” You croak to respond to his inquiry. “I – I don’t think I’ve ever admitted that to myself either, but… I think I like you.”

A wave of relief washed over Namjoon, but there’s a bit of relief for you too. It’s out in the open now, and you know that there’s nothing really you can do about it. There’s a very content grin plastered right across his handsome face, but it slowly transforms into a frown as he realizes that, despite your feelings for each other, nothing will change between the both of you.

“Namjoon, we can’t be anything more than friends.” You realize the unfortunate circumstances the both of you were in. “It’s not fair to my sister. I don’t think it’s very fair to make me choose between you and my sister. I – I don’t think it’s very fair that… you’re in this position.”

Your heart swelled just moments ago, and you can feel it crumble into pieces as the words come spilling out of your lips.

“I understand.” He agrees softly and you perk up at his acquiescence. “I’m not going to force you to be in that position, Ace.” The reassurance softens your tense form, and his fingers cradle your chin, lifting up to be at eye level with you.

“But when you’re ready to reconsider... us, I’ll be waiting.”

↪ Please stay tuned for the next part!

[anika-ann]

Warm Up My Heart

(...So It Never Gets Cold Again)

Type: One-shot to a series (part 1 & part 2),  Avenger!reader AU.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader              Word count: 2500

Summary: Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. Boy wants to propose soon… boy slips. You know the drill. In which Tony builds a training super-bot, Steve gets a boo-boo and the rest is history.

Warnings: mild injury and violence, swearing, cheesy af fluff

A/N: There weren’t al that many of you reading this series, but since it’s a rewrite/editing stuff for me (something I have time for), I’m bringing it back! I’ve been neglecting it long enough... 

Series masterlists (aka previous parts) linked above

────── ·❆· ──────  

“Captain America’s been brought to his knees. They found his weak spot and he went down all too easily for the world’s first superhero; literally crumbled on the ground, unable to get back up-“

Steve groaned, miserable and extremely annoyed at the same time, and you chuckled, which earned you a wounded look from the supersoldier.

You retreated from his right foot to muffle the sound escaping your mouth with you palm. You couldn’t help it; as much as you felt sorry for Steve, troubled by the fact he was in pain, you knew it wasn’t serious and Tony’s dramatic commentary was just too hilarious.

“Tony, just leave him be. And stop making me laugh,” you pleaded, suddenly back to seriousness. This was no fun; you did need to concentrate. “I might as well freeze his foot off if you keep distracting me.”

It was the truth; you had spent the past minutes trying to cool down Steve’s ankle, which had been sprained. All three of you were now in one of the training rooms of the compound, you and Steve sitting on a bench, while Tony hovered above you. Steve’s leg was resting over your knees, so you could reduce the swelling before it could fully develop.

The injury was totally Tony’s fault.

Being the generous friend and maniac he was, he had invented a special kind of a training super-bot – which had earned him both sharp glares and amused looks. It wasn’t half bad; it actually was a fair competition for Steve, which was saying something. It probably had something to do with the fact Tony had seen Steve in action more than a few times, learning his fighting style; programming his knowledge into the software of the bot meant one less advantage for Steve. Plus, Tony had used some special enforced material-

-which was exactly the problem. It was enforced; too much. And not enough.

When Steve kicked with his full strength, his foot had just… pretty much stuck in the robot’s torso. He had been lucky it hadn’t torn his flesh off and he had ended up only like this – with sprained ankle and few deep scratches which had already stopped bleeding. Incredibly lucky even considering that his instinct had been to get his foot out immediately, so he could go on with the fight; he hadn’t been exactly gentle and patient with freeing himself. Honestly, you were surprised his limbs were still attached.

Now he couldn’t even put his full weight on his injured leg. At least the robot had helped him hobble to the bench, because between your built and Tony’s willingness to talk being way bigger than his willingness to help with Steve’s weight (muscles were heavy), Steve would be still on the ground. Well, limping uselessly on one foot anyway.

“And get me an elastic bandage. Hush! Go make yourself useful!” you ordered, directing Tony towards the door, motioning with your hand in an ‘off you go’ gesture.

“Cap, your girl is bossy and has no respect for elders,” the billionaire complained, but turned on his heels and headed to get a first aid kit. The bot stood by the end of the bench dutifully, not moving an inch.

“I beg to differ, she treats me just fine,” Steve called out after Tony, winking at you as you brought your hands back.

You focused on tuning your powers to the right temperature, hovering only few inches from his skin. You sighed when the door clicked behind Tony and went back to work.

“You okay?” you whispered, glancing up just for a moment before returning your full attention to his injury.

“I’ve had plenty of worse.”

“That’s neither an answer or comforting, you know.”

“I’m much better now,” he admitted softly and you could hear the tender smile in his voice.

It warmed your heart and filled your chest with pride. You knew he meant it as a compliment; and he was not complimenting your powers, not the tool you had been given, but he was praising you for being so skilful with it.

You managed a tiny smile. “I’m glad.”

Your mind raced as you thought of how you could make it even better. You were no doctor; you barely knew the RICE rule, of which you only had two things covered by now; Elevation and Ice. The third was on its way (hopefully, but one never knew with Tony) and the fourth was… probably out of question, because make Steve Rogers rest was way beyond anyone’s ability. You closed your eyes, focusing on the things you actually could control.

Steve apparently understood your need to concentrate, or had nothing to say, because he didn’t utter a word. But the silence was comfortable, kind even.  You tried to convince yourself his eyes were roaming around the training room; in reality, you were ninety-nine percent sure he was watching you work and despite all the time spent together, all his efforts to chase your insecurities away and proving countless time that he trusted you… you felt a bit nervous.

Too small under his intense gaze, you could tell that hot blood rushed into your cheeks. It was ridiculous. And it probably made Steve’s lips curl up in a grin, because he had mentioned more than once that he found your embarrassment endearing and entirely adorable. He could always tell.

“Marry me,” he pleaded softly and the shock of those two words spoken threw you off so hard your concentration levelled to zero in an instant.

The temperature you had been treating his ankle with so carefully dropped low beyond the desired one as if you flipped a switch.

You felt the burst of energy from your hands more than you heard his pained hiss and you quickly snapped your eyes open, withdrawing your hands in one swift movement.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” you blurted out, staring at his foot with horror, masochistically examining the damage you had done – a frostbite no doubt, because of course you had done some serious damage-

-well… actually you hadn’t, because apparently your reflexes had improved greatly with time, but the skin had definitely less healthy colour than before and-

“Oh Steve, I am so, so sorry, I swear I didn’t meant to-“

“It’s… it’s okay,” he stuttered, sounding more embarrassed than hurting.

You were relieved; then again, when had Steve Rogers ever admitted he was in pain?

You couldn’t find yourself to look up to his face nevertheless, too horrified and scared. What have you done?

Also… what the hell had he just said? You had imagined it, right? He hadn’t… hadn’t…?

“It wasn’t your fault. That’s completely on me. You said Tony not to distract you and… I shouldn’t have— I shouldn’t have said that.“

You looked up at him, biting your lip, suddenly convinced that he actually had proposed. Just like that. You didn’t give yourself time to let it sink in or to… indulge the feeling. Because he just apologized for saying it. You would bet all your money that he did regret it now, for multiple reasons.

It kinda stung that he had confessed to it out loud, though.

Okay, fuck it, it hurt like hell, because even when you had never talked about it, it burned down your very soul that he… that he would ever regret asking.

He groaned, covering his red face with his palms.

“I---you’re… injured. Probably confused by the product of Tony’s brilliant ideas. It’s okay, let’s just… forget that, okay? We all say strange things when we’re in pain, things we regret-“

You hated that your voice trembled at the last word and Steve’s hands immediately went down, his blue eyes piercing right through yours. He seemed more horrified than you now.

“I’m sorry. That came out completely wrong. All of it. Oh god…. I do regret it, alright? I’m sorry, Snowflake. I really shouldn’t have said that. Not… not like this,” he added gently and your heart positively stopped as his gaze found you, a new twinkle in his irises.

No, there was nothing new in it. You had seen it before, occasionally. In moments that only belonged to you two, when you were alone or it felt like you were alone, the world around disappearing. When you would catch his gaze across the room while laughing with someone else. When you let your powers draw flowers on the windows of the compound, creating winter decorations that were not exactly allowed in the military space.

Admiration. Tenderness. Dedication. Love.

Your lips parted in surprise as he kept observing you, the emotions changing on your face, flashing with realization. Wait. That was… what? Your breath hitched.

Steve gave you a very nervous smile as he lifted his leg from your lap, setting it back on the ground.

“What are you-“ you snapped from your strange trance immediately, wanting to stop him from whatever he was about to do, because you weren’t finished and goddammit, he needed to keep his leg elevated-

-and not to lower himself from the bench on one knee.

Right in front of you.

As if he was proposing.

Like, really proposing.

You watched him with disbelief when he planted himself into the infamous position, injured ankle in an awkward position, and you would swear that he could hear your heartbeat echoing within the walls of the gym. You sure as hell did, your blood pounding in your ears and your head positively spinning.

You simply couldn’t believe your eyes. You were sure your pupils were wide enough to reduce your irises to nothing.

Steve swallowed loudly, looking up at your face from under his eyelashes, his eyes hopeful and wide as well. At this point, you couldn’t breathe, your ribcage way too small for your swelling heart.

This was happening.

Oh shit, this was happening. Steve was… Steve was-

“Snowflake,” he whispered, his voice heavy with emotions and something that you would swear was a hint of fear, “you are the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. Whenever I’m with you, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and despite your powers, your presence-- you are warm like sunshine. I love you. I love you with my whole heart and… please, would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?”

You stared at him, his eyes shining with hope, his Adam’s apple bobbing as you weren’t able to utter a single word and left him waiting for your answer.

You felt like an idiot for leaving him in anticipation and with doubts--- because you loved him. God, you loved this man so much and couldn’t even speak despite being sure with what you wanted to say more than anything.

So you blinked away the solitude tears that gathered in your eyes, because you were a regular sap, and nodded. His face lighted up like Christmas tree – no matter how cliché it sounded, it was the first analogy that came to your mind and it was very true.

Hesitant smile appeared on his lips as he stared at you with same disbelief that must have shown on you own face. “Yeah?”

You chuckled, covering your mouth with your palm before you could let out some very embarrassing sound. You nodded furiously, again and again.

“Yeah,” you breathed out finally and Steve shamelessly grabbed you and pulled you down at him. He fell on his ass, so you both basically crushed into the bench, but you couldn’t help but laugh like a madwoman as he was trying to balance the both of you, you being nestled in his lap all of sudden.

He wrapped his arm around you, pulling you flush against his own body, immediately freeing your hair from the messy bun you wore – just so he could nuzzle his face in it. You could feel his smile against your cheek and then he placed a quick kiss there, then lower, then on your jaw, and then finally found your lips. He kissed you, letting you taste the delight on his tongue, his breath whispering of gratitude, pleading you to say it again.

“Yes,” you repeated simply and earned another kiss, this time longer, passionate and tender, breath-taking and making you feel like flying.

The butterflies in your stomach flipped their wings like crazy – kissing Steve was always an amazing feeling, but this time… you were kissing Steve, your fiancée. He just proposed, he wanted to marry you and you were about to marry him. Excitement tingled in your fingertips, restless and wonderful and your body melted into his, wishing to just merge into one.

You only realized his body was not exactly okay when he retreated an inch, allowing you both to catch your breath and your brain to reboot. Seeing his twinkling eyes, you swallowed the question about his well-being, simply not having the heart to ruin the unexpected, peculiar and pretty magical moment. He rested his forehead against yours, his eyelids falling shut.

“That... that is not how I was planning on doing this,” he whispered, sounding a bit embarrassed, and the corners of your lips twitched, rising even higher. You hadn’t realized you had automatically started smiling the moment your lips had been freed, but apparently you had.

“Are you saying there was a plan, oh my Star-Spangled Man?” you replied with voice as soft as his, teasing him lightly.

“Uhm… I mean… I was working on it, at least. It involved having the ring actually on me instead of having it lying in our room and all that.”

The ring. The ring that was in your room at the moment. He clearly wasn’t just throwing the words around. He… he actually had been planning a proposal. You heart fluttered at the confession.

“But then Steve Rogers’ impulsiveness got in a way and… here we are,” he revealed sheepishly and you didn’t think you could be more moved.

It wasn’t just him thinking about it – it was him losing it in a moment so ordinary like this as if he couldn’t wait anymore.

“Good. Wouldn’t want it any other way.”

His expression turned curious and a bit confused. “Good?”

“Yeah. It’s Steve Rogers I want to marry after all.”

The most gorgeous smile appeared on his lips and you couldn’t resist – you kissed him again. A silent promise of kissing him every day for the rest of your lives.

────── ·❆· ──────  

Tony Stark was standing behind the transparent door to the gym, facing away from the two of you, but peeking over his shoulder; an equivalent of subtlety. A grin that was not even a little silly played on his lips and he was not tearing up at all.

Who was he kidding, he was really glad he had added the AV system to his super- bot. Because the record of what definitely looked like a bit strange proposal was something he would miss greatly.

He smirked at the kit in his hand, opened the door for a slit, quietly slipped his hand in – completely unnoticed by the oblivious lovebirds – and left the supplies there.

When he closed the door again soundlessly and made his way out of the area, he couldn’t but mutter under his breath.

“About damn time, Rogers.  About damn time.”

────── ·❆· ──────

Next series (Five Times Steve Felt Betrayed and the One Time He Felt like He Was Betraying You)

S.R.masterlist

────── ·❆· ──────  

So, I had my thoughts on some more storyline (sort of) and got to the point where I felt sorry for not coming up with a concrete plan of how a proposal implied in the next story went. I couldn’t resist and had to come up with some, because reasons.

Apparently, I’m a sucker for pain the concept of proposal going way differently than planned...

Thank you for reading... I hope your week started off well!

[cal-puddies]

is it warm enough for you inside me? || calum hood

this is 100% a joint effort with @kindahoping4forever​. So if you are lucky enough to live in the midwest of the US, then you know we had a random one day snow storm the other and I was talking to crystal about it. mind you i was drinking so i launched into the tropiest idea i could and this is what came out. Make sure you give her extra love too because she doesn’t realize how fucking good she is at writing.

Cal had been your best friend for a while, you couldn’t exactly remember when you met, but you’d run into him and Ashton and he quite literally ran into you, knocking you on your ass and it’s all history from there. 

The two of you had decided a get away was in order, work stress for you and him being home from tour for too long, you both needed a break. 

And getting there was a disaster, Cal had mistaken AM flights for PM flights and booked because they were a good deal, and you didn’t actually see the tickets until last minute only to realize you needed to be up at 3 am and it had been midnight and you were tipsy and still not fully packed. 

Then the airline lost your bag. You had to wait in the airport for hours to get a rental because they were all out and you were 12 hours early.

To make matters worse, you still had to drive in a snowstorm over two hours to get to the cabin he’d rented. And you, of course, trip in the snow almost immediately. And it wasn’t light, fluffy snow, it was the super heavy, super wet stuff, and it of course soaked you through. 

So that brings you to now, tired and cold, with no extra clothes for the night except what Cal decides he can spare. It leaves you in his hoodie and your panties. The two of you sitting in front of the fire, making s’mores. 

He’s wearing the crotch hole jeans and telling  you about how he had to teach Luke about graham crackers. 

“You’re kind of being an asshole.” He mentions. 

“This isn’t exactly what I had in mind for a fun getaway. I haven’t slept in two days and I don’t know If I’m getting my bag back or I just have to wear the same clothes for the next four days.” You gripe. “And I’m fucking cold.” You groan. 

Cal nods in understanding. “I know I messed up the flights but you don’t have to take everything out on me.” He reminds you. 

You relax, because he’s right and you’d be equally as annoyed if he treated you like this. You head for the couch and throw a blanket over your lap. 

And not too long after that is when you propose the alcohol gets cracked open for the "scientific warmth", and when you cheers to your first drink, he calls a truce.

“Sorry for being a jerk, just everything that could, did go wrong” he murmurs, clinking glasses.

“Murphy’s law.” You mumble, agreeing. 

Downing your shot, you can't help but get one last jab in, "I can feel you getting likeable again already!" and then as it usually goes whenever one of you gets in a Mood, it's immediately as if nothing happened. 

You're laughing about the way you fell in the snow and doing impressions of the unhelpful airline employees who couldn't help with your bag situation.

And Cal notices you hogging the blanket on the couch, so he just climbs on next to you and helps himself, “you already got my hoodie so you gotta share.” 

“I’d share anything with you,” you mumble under your breath.

Which he doesn't hear because Cal is making a show of getting comfortable with you on the couch, “so cozy, so comfy,” and he pulls you against him for maximum comfort for you both.

And you lay there together for a while, talking about everything and nothing, his hands are slipping under the hoodie after the third drink because you are warm in his hoodie and his hands are cold.

You gasp at his touch but not entirely because of the temperature change. Calum hood could touch you 100000 times and you’d still never be ready for the full on butterfly feeling

He nonchalantly drums his fingers on your  bare skin because he's Cal and hasn't noticed how your breathing has changed, doesn’t notice you seem to hold your breath and you’re not laughing as much, because what if your stomach feels weird to him and he’s grossed out. 

You kind of panic and you know you need an out of this situation. So you end up exaggeratedly yawning, “think I’m gonna head to bed Cal, I’m exhausted.” You mumble. But you know you just need to put some space between you for even just a few minutes, you don't know how much longer you can pretend that your face is flushed from drinking. 

Cal agrees “yeah, we should get some rest so we can fight the airline for your fuckin bag,” so he’s behind you, rambling, and when you make it to the bedroom in your little cabin, you realize Calum must have booked one with only one bed. You stop short in the doorway.

He finally makes it to the door and bumps into you. He takes in the room and kind of laughs, “coulda sworn I asked for two.” He scratches the back of his neck. 

“It’s cool, I’ll sleep on the couch.” You shrug, turning to walk away, it’s too crowded in here now. 

“Don’t be ridiculous, you’ll freeze, we’ll share.” 

"Great" you sigh, and while he's gone back to the living room to make sure everything's locked up, you quickly rearrange the bedding to form a makeshift pillow wall down the middle of the bed,  so you have at least some hope of being able to rest. You rush to the bathroom to pull yourself together as you hear him coming back down the hall.

Cal thinks the pillow wall is ridiculous when and is rearranging the bed when you come back, he gives you this look like ‘what is wrong with you?’

“What?! My back hurts from tensing up and shivering; I just wanted some extra support.” 

“I can rub your back, and if you're still that cold, we should probably snuggle up skin to skin. You know, transfer body heat and all that.” He explains. 

You groan internally as he strips down, to his underwear and snuggles into the bed, “here I’ll get it warmed up for ya.” He smiles, and wow he’s looking so cute smiley and snugg in the bed, cheeks tinted pink from the alcohol. He makes a show of kicking his legs and rolling around to warm up the bed, and then looks at you, “c’mon! It’s warm, hoodie off.” 

“Calum.” You roll your eyes.

"Just tryna help, love," and next thing you know he's pouting with those plush lips and god, you really could not have made this a worse situation for yourself if you had tried. You fidget with the hem of the hoodie for a beat longer before you offer an exasperated "Fuck it" and tear it off and hurriedly slide under the covers.

“That’s my girl.” Calums grins, pulling you into him. He wraps his arm around you and starts absentmindedly rubbing your back, “isn’t this better? The bed is warm, we’re cuddled up together rather than having all those pillows to make sure we both stay cold?”

You roll your eyes to yourself at his ability to remain totally oblivious to the situation. It's so Calum. This isn't the first time your attraction to him has gotten the best of you but it's definitely the closest you've come to having to address it. Wrapped up in tattooed arms, bare chest pressed up against your back, this is the closest you've been to Calum, period. "You were right, 's great, Cal. Thanks" you say warmly but in a tone you hope makes it clear the conversation doesn't need to continue.

He stays quiet for a little bit, burying his face against the back of your neck. “Glad we decided to get away.” He murmurs, and you get goosebumps as his lips brush against the back of your neck. “Are you cold? Here, turn over, against me.” He says softly.

You can't think of a reason not to so you flip over as requested. He runs his hand vigorously up and down your arm, that he's decided entirely on his own needs warming. In a genuine but light tone, you ask, "How are you not tired? We got up so early and everything that went wrong... hell is literally freezing over right now. Why are you not sleeping?" 

Without even a beat of hesitation, he shrugs and answers simply, "Guess I'd rather talk to you."

You let out a little sigh. Cal was aloof. No idea what those words meant to you, no idea of the total effect he was having on you, and you’re not even sure he’d care if he did know and that was annoying enough.

You must still have a notable amount of liquid courage in you because you hear yourself press him, "Well. Let's talk then. Tell me something I don't know. And make it interesting, Hood."

And he decides to match your courage, “I think you’re pretty.” He murmurs, in case you don’t hear him and he can take it back.

You purse your lips in thought. Normally you're a big believer in the "go big or go home" mindset but the problem here is if this goes wrong, you can't go home because of the storm. His admission isn't much but coming from Cal, it's kind of a lot. Realizing you need to respond before either of you lose your nerve, you take a deep breath and move the slightest bit closer to him on the bed. "You got me drunk and naked during a blizzard just to tell me I'm pretty?"

Cal lets out a sigh of relief and grins at you, “best laid plans darlin... what did you wanna hear, about how I wanna kiss you, or suck your clit instead?” He decides to be brash right back.

You grin back at him while your mind is going a mile a minute. You search his eyes, trying to decide how much of this is him trying to get a reaction out of you, hoping this is for real and not just a game of chicken that flirty friends might play. You clear your throat and smirk, "Well. I guess I did say make it interesting, now didn't I?"

“Right, right.” He nods... “so you definitely wanted to hear about how I’d kiss down your body, paying attention to your neck and nipples because I know you like that. Maybe a couple hickies? Then your thighs would just be covered in marks...” he watches you shift, “should I go on?” He smirks

You love that smirk and you hate that smirk. That smirk that lets him get away with anything but also let's on that he knows he can get away with anything. You wish your breathing hadn't become so shallow as you lean in and say in a much lower voice than anticipated, "You know... I'm realizing I've never been a big fan of stories." You lightly drag your finger down his chest, stopping to trace over his many tattoos. "Always preferred 'show' over 'tell', you know?"

“I think I know that about you.” He pushes your hair off your shoulder and pulls you closer, pressing his lips to your neck, he feels your body tense for a moment as he presses another to your cheek. “This ok?” He checks.

You exhale loudly, letting out a breath you didn't know you were holding in. You smile faintly at him, the flirty confidence you'd been hiding behind finally slipping. "Yes..." You answer, running your hand down his sweetly concerned face, enjoying the roughness of his stubbly cheeks. "More than ok. I've just... I've been wanting this." You hook your fingers under his chin and bring his face to yours, fitting your lips against his before he can respond to your confession.

Cal grins into the kiss; happy to have the permission. The kiss is needy, he’s nipping at your bottom lip, sucking it, and then he’s moving his lips back to your neck, pulling you against him, grabbing your ass to pull you closer. He pushes you over onto your back as he starts to kiss down your body.

Your fingers instantly thread thru his hair as you watch him move down the bed, pressing his lips to your skin any and everywhere he sees fit. You gasp as he palms over your right breast, loudly sucking a mark just below it. "You don't waste any time, do you, Cal?" You comment shakily, closing your eyes.

“Well... I’ve been wanting it, too.” He smirks at you. “So pretty.” His tongue pokes out, teasing your nipple. “Wondering how you taste, how you sound.”

You inadvertently let out a yelp when the chilly air of the room hits your skin dampened by his kisses at the exact moment he says the word "sound." You both chuckle warmly at the coincidence and for a second, you forget that this is not normal, that this is uncharted territory. You remember that it's just Cal. His mouth closing in on your other nipple yanks you out of your thoughts and you relax into the feeling, murmuring "That's nice, Cal" because you know he likes encouragement.

Cal kisses back up your body, pushing himself flush against you so you can feel that you’re getting him hard. He presses a couple sweet kisses to your cheeks before moving back down leaving open mouth kisses against your thighs, marks and nips decorating your skin

Cal hooks his fingers in your panties and gently pulls them off. He notices your breath catches as you feel him between your legs and he looks up at you, eyes meeting yours to check in once more. You bite your lip and nod. Satisfied with this exchange, he wraps his arms around your thighs, bringing you closer to him and his tongue darts out to lick a stripe down your center.

Cal hums against you as he slowly licks over your clit, “so worked up.” He grins at you. “Can you turn the lamp on? Wanna see you.”

You snort at his request but oblige him, making a big show out of extending your body up and over to reach the bedside table. "Not exactly the type of stretch I've been hoping for tonight, Hood," you tease.

He cocks an eyebrow, licking into you, staring you down. He presses his thumb to your clit, “you want stretch, darlin? I’m sure I can make that happen for you.”

He circles your clit with his thumb a few times before attaching his lips to it. He continues to eat you at a torturously slow pace and you groan, bucking your hips against his face, resulting in him murmuring an unintelligible protest against your pussy and reaching out to steady your wild hips.

“Acting like no ones touched you in months.” He teases. “Fuck, youre delicious.” He rests his head against your thigh and flicks his tongue over and over your clit, moaning. He flicks his eyes up to you to see your face

He sees your lips are moving but no words are coming out. He smiles to himself as he asks a question he feels he probably already knows the answer to, "You ready to cum for me, darlin?"

Your fingers tangle in his hair and he buries his face back against your core, licking, sucking, nipping on the super sensitive flesh, listening to your moans and rambling

He hears you find your voice just enough to get out a strained "Jesus, Cal" and then feels your body finally tense and relax beneath him. He laps at you a few more times before you're pushing him away. He presses a kiss to each of your inner thighs and then raises himself over you, to kiss you, tongue moving against yours with grace, offering you a taste of your arousal, taking away the breath you had barely just caught after your orgasm.

“Was it everything you’ve wanted?” He teases, against your mouth. He drops his hips against yours, needing you to feel him. You pull out the kiss and Cal immediately goes back to kissing your neck, “it was more than I thought, you sound better than I could have imagined. Better than I’ve thought about when jerking off.” He admits.

You press a small kiss to his shoulder and decide you can't get him close enough so you run your hands down his back, drawing him near, "Can't say I was disappointed." You roll your hips against his, eliciting the type of sharp groan you were hoping you'd receive. "But tell me, what else have you thought about?" You reach between you and find his hard cock between your bodies and give it a light squeeze thru his boxers.

“What haven’t I thought about?” He chuckles, gripping you and flipping you so you’re on top, “this has crossed my mind a lot. Bet you look so pretty when you’re riding cock.” He hums, “think about your lips wrapped around me.”

You lean over him and trail short wet kisses all over his chest, "Oh yeah? Reckon I'd look pretty good with your cock in my mouth?" You tease

“I’d be willing to bet on it.” He winks. “Should we find out? Or are you wanting more.”

You both grin at each other like fools as you work together to get his underwear off. You figure you've both waited long enough for this and waste no time licking up the sides of his cock before taking as much of it as you can into your mouth

“No what the fuck.” He breathes

You pull off of him as quickly as you took him in and chuckle, "Thought you said you thought about this a lot, is this not what you expected?" You smile at him playfully while you give his cock a few gentle strokes. You lean down to roll your tongue briskly over the head before wrapping your lips around it and gently begin to suck.

“No, this is perfect, baby, thank you.” He groans, wrapping his hand in your hair. He moans as you work his cock up and down, flicking your tongue over the tip before licking down his shaft to suck on his balls, drawing out a low groan. “Baby, want you on my cock, please.”

You react audibly to his words and lazily drag your lips across his cock and chest as you make your way back up his body. You lay next to him and he wraps a hand around your neck, pulling you to his lips, murmuring nonsense against them. You pull back and kiss along his jaw because you've always wanted to do that and now you can, "How do you want me?"

“Be a good girl and ride me for a little, yeah?” He asks. “Just wanna see you on top of me for a bit, and then maybe I can get it from behind.” He murmurs, holding your neck tight.

Just the thought of Cal bending you over like you've always imagined has you feeling weak and your eyes fluttering shut, "That... sounds like a fantastic plan." You peck at his lips a few times more and sit up, "So tell me, does a stud like you keep condoms with you at all times or are we going with the honor system here? I'm on the pill and like, I know you so I'm fine either way..."

He hmmms... “I didn’t assume to bring any... like don’t get me wrong, I would have thought too if I thought this was possible. But I can be a responsible adult and wait, as much as I don’t really want to…”

Of all of the unexpected events of the day, hands down the most surprising for Cal has to be seeing the wide smile that spreads across your face. Before he can ask you about it, you're capturing his lips in yours again, "Good boy," you beam and then bound off the bed into the living room. He's confused until he sees you rushing back into the bedroom, digging thru your purse. "You know, I've always wondered what your move would be in this situation, although I appreciate you not assuming anything," you triumphantly toss a shiny packet at him on the bed. He raises an eyebrow at you as you toss your bag aside and climb back on the bed. "Don't flatter yourself, Cal, it's not specifically for you, I just like to be prepared," you tease.

“Oh yeah? Just gonna fuck a random mountain man then?” He quips with a soft smile to let you know he’s joking.

"I didn't take you for a role playing guy, but if that's what you're into, I'm down"

“No no, if we're gonna do this, we’re gonna do this as ourselves. I don’t wanna pretend I wouldn’t have you if you weren’t you.” He admits. 

“Another point for Hood.” You grin. “Now, are you gonna put that condom on or do you need a hand?”

"I'm never gonna say no to you putting your hands on me," he taps the bed next to him, indicating you should come closer. He rubs over the top of your thigh as you tear open the wrapper and give his cock a few firm tugs before you roll the condom onto him.

Cal grabs for your hips, sitting up for a kiss and to guide you over him. He grabs his cock in one hand and slicks it through your folds. “Think you’re ready?” He checks, “it feels like you’re ready.“ he murmurs

"You have no idea how ready," you groan and begin to sink yourself down onto him.

Cal groans from the sudden delicious change of your body on top of him and you wrapping around him “can’t believe we’re finally doing this, you feel amazing.” He admits, laying back. “Show me how you like it gorgeous.” 

And you can’t help but love all the affection and terms of endearment he’s showering you with.

You take his hands from off your hips and place them on your tits. He takes the hint and begins playing with them and then you're rolling your hips, trying to find a rhythm that satisfies you both. "Fill me even better than I thought you would," you tell him.

“Oh? So you’ve been thinking about my dick?” Cal gets cocky, and he grins. “You can take it slow, I wanna enjoy you on top of me, I can rail you in a bit.”

Calum lands a hard smack to your ass.

You roll your eyes, partly at his smug demeanor and partly at how much it turns you on. "You want slow, Cal?" You lean back, bracing your hands on his legs. You raise your hips until his cock is nearly all the way out of you and then slowly lower yourself to take him all in again. You repeat this slow dance again and again and the way Cal is gripping your hips along with the soft curses slipping from him tells you the sensation -not to mention the sight- is driving him wild. "This more what you had in mind?"

“Exactly.” He confirms, slowly moving his hands across your skin, up over your breasts, tweaking your nipples, lightly holding your neck, and down back over your thighs, he might be in you but he wants to make sure you feel him all over your body. He bites his lip watching you, “feels so good, pretty girl.” He praises. “You let me know when you’re ready to switch.” He lets his thumb linger over your clit, pressing soft circles over it.

"Ah... that's so good, keep doing that." You moan contentedly and lean into his touch, bouncing on his cock just a little more aggressively. "Love this but honestly just about ready for you to wreck me"

“Happy to.” He guides you off of him by your hips, “let’s get ass in the air.” He directs. He watches you turn over and settle on your hands and knees, wiggling your ass. He can’t help himself as he leans in to slick his tongue through your folds another time, listening to your breath hitch at his unexpected action. “So good,” he murmurs as he kisses the back of your thigh and up to your lower back. “Nothing’s gonna beat the view of you on top of me, but...” he lines up and sinks in, “fuck you feel good.” He makes quick work of upping the rhythm since you’re already so wet for him.

He moves his hips against you, hands alternating between grabbing at your ass and holding on to your hips for leverage. You can't believe how good he feels from this angle and you want to tell him but all that comes out is a series of whines. He seems to get the message, though, since he responds with "Feelin good, pretty girl?" and a loud slap to your ass as he drives himself in deeper.

Your arms give as you drop your face to the bed, chanting and whining his name. “Gonna cum for me, pretty girl?” He teases, rubbing a hand over the newly smacked flesh, landing another one, he grins at your little yelp. “Taking it so well.” He groans. And then it’s just skin on skin and the moans filling the bedroom.

You can't help but move your hips back against him as you feel yourself nearing your end. "Fuck, gorgeous, get what you need," his encouragement sending you over the edge. He slows down, letting you ride out the orgasm at your own pace, groaning at your satisfied sounds and the feeling of you pulsing around him. Once he feels your body relax, he gently alters his rhythm once more, searching for his own release.

He grins, still watching you while chasing his orgasm, your body still moves for him, he’s watching the nothing fall out of your moving lips, your fingers curl into the sheets, it’s when you finally find your voice to say “cum for me cal” that he loses it, holding his hips tight against yours as he spills into the condom.

Cal stays buried in you for a few beats longer, hands absentmindedly rubbing over your ass as he catches his breath. He gives one last "Fuckin hell," under his breath as he eases himself out of you, you murmur in blissful agreement. You feel him affectionately run his hand down your spine and leave a small kiss on the back of your neck before the weight on the bed shifts as he gets up to dispose of the condom.

When he comes back, you exhaustedly cuddle against his chest. He kisses the top of your head and listens as you fall asleep. “Guess we’ll talk about us in the morning.” He whispers, kissing your head again. 

You’re both awoken by your ringing cell phone, cal is wrapped tightly around you, and you have to fight your way out of his arms to go answer it. 

His eyes are barely open as you climb back in bed with him, he scoops his arm around you and pulls you in. “My suitcase came in this morning, they are going to bring it here.” He grin. 

“That’s good, but I was liking you in my hoodie.” He murmurs, eyes closing again. 

“Know you wanna go back to sleep Cal, but, can we talk?” You ask and watch as he nods, “about last night… I want you to know that I hope it’s not just a one time thing.” 

“Could be a two time thing,” he murmurs, pushing his hand between your thighs and kissing your cheek, “are you thinking something else?” He checks, as you push against his chest. 

“I was thinking maybe like… we try… us.” You admit, “if you want to, no pressure.” You quickly sputter out. 

“Of course I want to.” He sighs. “Just wasn’t ever sure you wanted that.” 

“I do, I want that.” You kiss his nose, “so let’s try.”

Tag list: @cocktail-calum​ @1dthewantedlove​ @youngblood199456​ @lustingforwunder​ @calumsphile​ @neso-k​ @rosecoloredash​ @radmcqueen​ @justayoungandwisefangirl​ @itsnotmyblood​  @lietoash​ @pushthetide21​ @5sosfanficrec​ @therealmrshale​ @fallfrxmgrace​ @lukashemmos​ @justarandomgirlthatyoudontknow​ @5sos-microwave​ @madbomb​ @sweetheartmendes1000​ @literally-anythin​ @lfwallscouldtalk​ @clemmingstylins0n​ @ccnicole02​ @lustingfor5sos​ @buteverythingiscopacetic​ @rosesfromcth​ @bodaciousbonzi1996​ @ashtontotheirwin​ @captainam-erika-trash​ @xxgendurvikixx​ @jazzyangel242​ @bluebabycal​ @rhiannonmichellee​ @iovehemmings​ @glitterycalum1205​ @katcontreras​ @cashtonasfuck​ @ificanthaveu​ @kindahoping4forever​ @here-for-the-uproars​ @canterburyfiction​ @opheliaaurora​  @queer-5sos​ @banditocth​ @gigglyirwin​  @glitterycalum1205​ @rebelwith0utacause​  @inlovehoodx

gc tags: @sublimehood​  @5sosnsfw​ @angelbabylu​ @aspiringwildfire​ @irwinkitten​ @lashtoncurls​ @myloverboyash​ @singt0mecalum​

masterlist || ashton || calum || luke || michael

wanna be tagged? go here

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

Okay I was gonna do another SG:WoT post anyway because we’ve got a new King interview but THEN, he released the cover to issue four so you KNOW I gotta geek out about this.

(Sorry that this blog is all SG:WoT, all the time now, but I am just. Insanely excited that Evely is drawing Supergirl. Feel free to block/mute these posts as needed. XD)

Okay, so!

First! The interview!

It’s on (ugh) screenrant so I’m not gonna link, I’m just gonna nab the interesting bits:

On the different direction of the book, and if he wanted to go back to the original Adventure Comics vibes: “So, the idea of this thing was to strip her story down, because Supergirl has a majorly weird history in terms of continuity. At least 13 writers have rewritten her origin over the years. Her dad has 13 origin stories; sometimes he's evil, sometimes he's a robot, sometimes alive, sometimes he's dead. She's changed dramatically in the last 10 years, between coming back to life to the New 52 to Rebirth. She's gone through so much that it's hard to get a hold of her. Not to mention in the '90s, when I was coming up, she was like an ectoplasmic space angel. There's so much there, and I just wanted to take all that stuff off and get to the core of the character; get her out of her normal environments and her normal conflicts. It seems like all our stories are about her dad or her relationship to Superman. Instead, let's see the purity of that character.”

On starting the book the way he did: “...I wanted to start out with a very human moment of a person turning 21 and getting drunk. And a person who is getting drunk because they want to be alone, and they just want to forget about the shit that's happened in their past. That's such a human moment. And the fact that she's Supergirl, so she waits till it's legal - because these super people, they follow the rules. She waited, and now it's legal and she can have this moment. She goes off by herself, with her dog that always follows her, and she has a moment where she can be free. For a lot of people in the US, whether you've been drinking since you were 14 or started that day, your 21st birthday and the day after are days you remember for the rest of your life. It's a day of freedom and consequence, and I wanted to show Supergirl going through that.”

On rising to the challenge of helping Supergirl perform better, sales/popularity-wise: “ When I first got on this book, I called Steve Orlando, who had just written a Supergirl run. And he was the one who opened my eyes to how good the character is. He had such insight into her. He was like, ‘There is a difference between Clark and her, and what she's gone through.’ He just laid it for me.”

On starting the book off with Ruthye’s journey, and gradually building to Kara’s: “ I was like, "Okay, this is going to be from the point of view of someone under Supergirl." And so I switched the point of view to this new brand new character, whose name is Ruthye. And we went from there: we start with Ruthye's story, we see her discover Supergirl, and she's our audience. She's our way in, the way Robin has always been the way into Batman.”

On whether or not other characters will show up, outside of Supergirl and Ruthye: “It's like my Superman: Up in the Sky, where it's a distillation of the character. You'll see other characters, but the focus of every issue will be on Supergirl. And it's something where at the very end, you can be like, "Why is Supergirl great? Why is she important to the DC Universe? What is her future in the DC Universe? Here, read this one trade that can answer all three of those questions at once."So, there will be other characters in the Super universe. But the focus will always be on her; on Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow. It's her finding out about herself and her own strength.”

On Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow vs. his other titles: “Supergirl is my first 2021 book, or my first book of the 20s. That wrapped up my books of the teens, and now we're in a new generation. God willing, from the moment I started this book, I was like, ‘I'm gonna take a risk, and I'm gonna write books that are a little brighter.’ I know that's coming from me, and it's not to say we're going to avoid conflict or we're not going to explore the depths of the human soul. All that stuff will be in there. But these books are made from a place of joy, not from a place of anger; from a place of hope, not from a place of despair. It very much contrasts to those other books, in my mind.”

On how he thinks folks will react to the Krypto cliffhanger: “I mean, they're gonna think it's a good cliffhanger. That's how I think they're going to react. They're going to say, ‘I want the next issue.’ That's literally my job as written in my contract. Something where at the end of an issue, someone says, ‘I want more.’ So, that's how I hope they react.”

As mentioned, this is not the full interview; the whole thing can be found on screenrant, and I think Tom King shared a link on his twitter. 

And now, as always, SOME THOUGHTS:

I love that he brings up the fact that so many Supergirl stories focus on Zor-El and Clark, and how he was like, ‘let’s not do that.’

That’s my big gripe with modern Supergirl comics; they are trying so hard to make a statement on why we need both a Supergirl AND a Superman, that they end up spending ALL THEIR TIME talking about Clark, instead of, you know. Telling a fun Supergirl story.

Same thing with Zor-El! I know folks love Rebirth--I like it quite a bit myself--but I think the nostalgia goggles prevent folks from remembering that the whole first arc of that book was re-doing the ‘Cyborg Superman’ garbage from the Nu52. 

Speaking of Rebirth, really like that of all the recent SG writers he coulda talked to, he talked to Steve Orlando.

Like, if ya can’t get Gates on the phone, get Orlando.

(I get the sense that Gates doesn’t like this book, actually, based on a vague tweet. But don’t quote me on that.) 

Looks like Ruthye is gonna be our POV/audience insert character for the whole run. I’m...mmmm. I don’t love it, but I understand the logic here. Especially since he compared it to Batman and Robin--how you use Robin as your entry point for a bat book. 

And you know what? Kara’s supporting cast needs some help, so. Welcome to the Superfam, Ruthye.

I also love the explanation behind the drinking thing, as well as the fact that Kara waited until it was 100% legal for her to drink because OF COURSE SHE WOULD.

I am so worried that Krypto is gonna die b/c of what we saw in Future State. I’m over here with my Pepe Silva board like, ‘Well, what if Kara agrees to help Ruthye because Krem MURDERED HER DOG?!?! WHAT IF THIS IS JOHN WICK IN SPACE?!?!?!’

So I am DISMAYED that King does not reassure us AT ALL.

Thus I am forced to cling to this tidbit here: “ But these books are made from a place of joy, not from a place of anger; from a place of hope, not from a place of despair. It very much contrasts to those other books, in my mind.”

Killing the dog would not be joyful. XD So, like. I’m REALLY HOPIN’ HE’LL BE OKAY.

AND LASTLY, (Except not really)

I have some additional, miscellaneous thoughts unrelated to the interview b/c I’m me and I’m loving having a Supergirl comic back on the shelves, however polarizing it may be.

Something I realized, when details started to come out regarding the book, and that other folks have now noted as well: Kara was 16 when Rebirth launched in 2016; she’s just turned 21 in 2021, making her one of the extremely few comic characters to age in real time.

I don’t think that was planned, but it is cool.

It occurred to me on a re-read that Ruthye never calls Kara Kara in her narration, only Supergirl. And I was a little sad! But then I remembered that Kara wouldn’t necessarily reveal her identity to people she’s helping, she would just be ‘Supergirl’ to them. 

I really do love how, so far, there has been NARY A MENTION of Kara angst-ing over being in Clark’s shadow, or being Superman’s cousin.

It appears that her drinking alone on a remote planet is more related to trying to forget her trauma/grief related to Krypton. MAYBE. We don’t know yet.

The Clark thing could still come up. I hope it doesn’t. 

(Interesting to note! Kara recently appeared in Action Comics, helping Clark and Jon investigate some Kryptonian refugees; IDK how closely these books will necessarily ‘work together’ in terms of continuity, but! It’s possible that the discovery of those mysterious refugees was triggering, thus sending her on her way to her own solo title.)

(Well. That’s gonna be my headcanon, anyway. XD)

AND LASTLY, (for real this time)

ISSUE FOUR COVER!!!!

Okay, some immediate thoughts:

GOOD LORD IT’S STUNNING.

I loooooove the fire motif, reminds me of a part from the Rebirth run, where Kara met the Super-Man of China, and they visually referenced All-Star Superman, having the Kryptonians kind of...become the sun.

Also STAR CHART?!?! PIRATE MAP!?!?!?! 

The VIBES I tell you, the VIIIIIIIBES.

Also I love that it’s just Kara.

Don’t get me wrong! I like Ruthye just fine so far! But yeah, yeah, give me some more solo-Kara focus, even if it’s just in the art.

Just realized that once this thing gets collected as a TBP, we might get some Evely art backmatter. OhHhhHHhhH YESSSS. 

Anyways, the long wait for issue 2 begins! 

[kinetic-elaboration]

June 25: 2x24 The Ultimate Computer

Belated notes on my watch of The Ultimate Computer yesterday.

Kirk’s definitely in Captain Mode today. You can tell when he’s on edge and suspicious and serious.

Yet another old Kirk friend. Does he know everyone in Starfleet?

War games lol. But it’s “not the military.”

Spock is super into this computer.

A-7 Computer Expert Certification.

The crew’s not needed? Wow, okay, this is going to end badly.

“This gadget.” How do you really feel, Kirk?

And there’s Spock literally making faces behind the Commodore’s back. He is soooo that type. He’s like “Jim, are you hearing this? Can you believe this guy?”

I’m insulted on Kirk’s behalf right now. Replacing people with machines so blithely is offensive.

Of course Bones doesn’t like it.

Oh yeah triumvirate walking scene. I love them. it takes so little for me to think ‘what badasses.’ S2 is really stepping up this dynamic in particular.

And Spock is comfortable enough around Bones to be sassy around him

Oh no, the computer is already glitching, and there is no backup and no plan B.... Bones is completely right in his assessment. This is essentially a Titanic situation: way too much hubris involved. Nothing can go wrong so nothing will go wrong so we’ve planned for nothing going wrong!

McCoy has BFF Clearance. He can go wherever he wants.

“It’s the M-5? What happened to Ms 1-4?” Channel #5.

Ahhhh little gratuitous touch to Spock’s arm. They’re In Love.

“There are certain things men must do to remain men.”

“The right computer finally came along.” Damn Bones.

Jim’s suspicions about the computer coming right after that line make it look like he’s jealous that Spock likes it so much.

He’s getting a “red alert right here.” Computers don’t have that kind of intuition.

Jim’s so thoughtful and self-aware. He really cares both about his instincts and about interrogating those instincts for bias and unreasonableness. This is giving me real S1 vibes: the quiet, intelligent, idealized hero Captain at the fore.

This whole scene is perfect, eminently quotable, and sounds exactly like something that could have been written about automation in 2021. You’re okay with it when it’s happening to someone else but then the computer comes for YOUR job....

Uh-h, M-5 is turning off all the lights...

Space merchant marines... good to know.

HOW are the Captain and CMO “non-essential personnel”? The first sign that M-5 is illogical. They should bring some doctor on the landing party mission given that uh humans are going on it and might get injured.

Anyway I can’t wait for Kirk to destroy this bitch and save the day.

Lol it turned off the lights on Bones in sickbay.

Damn, now it’s trying to take Uhura’s job too!

Chekov is so bored.

Spock wants to serve under one man and one man ONLY. Loyalty to one man... sounds like a wedding vow... and Kirk looks so soft...

So, if Spock has to describe to McCoy what that (unnecessary bitchy and catty) “Captain Dunsel” remark means, by saying that it’s a phrase that “midshipmen use at Starfleet Academy,” is this to imply Bones didn’t go to Starfleet Academy?

He’s never felt so at odds with the ship.... a lover’s quarrel...she’s cheating on him with another man...

Jim Kirk, certified Poetry Nerd. He’s such a romantic.

So glad Bones got him a drink so he can return to the bridge and a possible emergency with just a little bit of a buzz going.

Spock in the chair...

Huh, an automated ship with no crew. Interesting concept.

Oh no M-5! She’s got control of the ship and she won’t let go!

Kirk’s face when Enterprise attacks.. the betrayal... his beautiful lady used for mindless destruction.

“Only a robot” ship--! Bones is insulted.

Kirk orders the computer turned off but we’re only halfway through the ep so...

....And the computer is sentient now.

That was the shortest Captain’s Log ever. “The computer has taken over the ship the end.”

Scotty’s like, “...Well what if we just unplug it?”

Okay so now they only have 19 crew.

Spock and Bones are on point today. “Don’t say it’s fascinating.” / “I won’t. But it is... interesting.” This bitch knows exactly what he’s doing.

The computer isn’t a child, guys!

We need powerful computers “so men don’t have to die in space”--like uh that man your computer literally just killed?

I don’t get Daystrom’s logic at all. He talks as if people, like, needed to do work in space, to survive or something. We don’t need to. We want to! We want to go out and meet cool aliens! This guy is no fun.

What is the thing “greater” than fact finding in space that the robots are going to free us to do? Like what is more impressive than SPACE? I don’t even get that.

Time to mix up fake sci fi world-building references with real references! The Nobel and Zee-Magnee Prizes. Sitar of Vulcan.

A theory emerges... the computer acts illogically...Daystrom won’t let Spock near it... I know this isn’t where this is going, but it kind of sounds like they’re implying it’s a scam, lol. He sold an idea he didn’t have so it’s like.. not a real computer.

Spock’s little protege, Chekov.

“We have been pursuing a wild goose.” Aw, bb’s trying so hard to be colloquial. (Also he 100% learned that phrase from McCoy in The Gamesters of Triskellion and now he’s trying it out on Kirk...when McCoy isn’t around.)

“Not to offend you by using the h-word, but... could it be... human?”

Kirk’s really mad at Daystrom now.

The Commodore really set up that dramatic turn to camera there.

Poor Kirk. His ship is being used for evil.

“They can’t destroy the ship, what would happen to the computer?!” Yes, the computer. And the other 19 people and himself but mostly the computer. Daystrom really has lost it.

I love the actor who plays him, though.

“You are great. I am great.” Nothing weird happening here.

Spirk attack! (Spork it out.)

Spock’s way too sure Commodore Wesley is about to die. “He was decent, it’s a shame the ship I’m on is gonna kill him.”

And now another round of Kirk versus the computer and Kirk’s logic wins.

M-5 should argue that it did not commit murder, it committed homicide in self-defense. But then Daystrom didn’t program it with a lawyer’s brain.

It’s uh just gonna leave? Not turn the lights back on?

Kirk is so smart! I know I say this all the time, but it’s true! He knew what to do to save the ship because he knew Bob Wesley. He had formed connections, he had experience and knowledge that doesn’t come from logic. He is not replaceable!

McCoy’s like “Spock, fight me. Debate me Spock. Fight me. I’ll be fun.”

Spock HAS answered the computers versus humans question--he likes humans. He wants to be surrounded by humans.

That was really good! One of the better S2 episodes. Great Kirk, great triumvirate--as a trio and all three sides of the triangle--great sci fi concept, great guest star, great social commentary--still 100% relevant today.

i definitely have to think more about the ‘human computer’ concept. I liked that they specifically went out of their way to explain why the computer was human, how that was part of its design, and then tied that into its creator, his background, his belief system, and his insecurities. I feel like most ‘sentient computer’ or ‘advanced AI’ narratives just assume a computer that’s powerful enough will eventually be alive, which is not something I believe. The scariness of advanced AI to me is the incredible power it has to act quickly, but in a complete black-box way: you can’t literally see the logic string of its thought processes, and nor can you figure them out easily or completely using the creators’ intentions or logic because the machine has ‘learned’ since its inception, and its learning processes are not human. There is a real alienness to them that I find scary. And I do think this ep captured that nuance in M-5: it has the speed and abilities of a super computer, the “human” qualities of its creator for well-explained reasons, and the unpredictability of a mechanism that is NEITHER human nor human-controlled tool. And of course the ep’s ultimate thesis--that humans cannot be completely automated or replaced, and that we should not want to automate or replace humans--is comforting and of a morality I can and want to agree with.

This was also one of those eps that made me curious about the differences in AOS and TOS Kirk--in other words, an ep that relied on his history with Starfleet and his experience, on the reality that he’s a 34 year old man with 15+years of experience in the Fleet. Time, experience, connections, these aren’t things you can replace no matter how smart you are, and I feel like it would have been interesting to see AOS!Kirk deal with some situation that is trickier for him because he’s a Captain with a startlingly small amount of institutional experience. It’s not just about being young or generally inexperienced, in other words--it’s about NOT knowing every Captain, Admiral, and Commodore in the service, it’s about NOT having friends across the galaxy because he just hasn’t had time to make them. Even in deep space, that matters. And I think it’s something that I appreciate more as an adult myself, with actual real world experience of the importance of connections and experience and time, especially in sort of insular or smaller work communities.

Anyway, next is Bread and Circuses! Another great ep for the triumvirate. I can’t believe we’re almost through S2!!

[falsegoodnight]

this is literally so random and i don’t know if you’ve answered this before but can you rec me some of your favorite books/authors? i need some new things to read haha

ohi! yes, of course!! i’m including a variety so hopefully something catches your attention? 

okay i got carried away so under the cut:

first, authors:

- rick riordan / middle-grade / various mythology 

favorite: heroes of olympus series

- leigh bardugo / young adult / fantasy & dark fantasy

favorite: six of crows duology (but really you can’t go wrong with any of her books)

- cassandra clare / young adult / urban fantasy 

favorite: the infernal devices series

- maggie stiefvater / young adult / paranormal 

favorite: the raven cycle series

- adam silvera / young adult / contemporary & (gay) romance 

favorite: history is all you left me

- holly black / young adult / dark fantasy & fae

favorite: the folk of the air series

- emma mills / young adult / contemporary & romance

favorite: foolish hearts

- alice oseman / young adult / contemporary & romance (diverse)

favorite: radio silence & heartstoppers (graphic novel series!)

- taylor jenkins reid / adult / contemporary & historical fiction 

favorite: the seven husbands of evelyn hugo & daisy jones & the six (literally blew my mind)

- jane austen / classics/adult / regency era romance 

favorite: persuasion

and okay i’m giving up on that format and am now just going to list as many titles as i can think of:

ya:

stand-alone:

- aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe by benjamin alire saenz (a classic)

- i’ll give you the sun by jandy nelson (please READ THIS BOOK)

- the hate u give & on the come up by angie thomas (both so amazing and must-reads)

- the female of the species by mindy mcginnis (&@(*@*!&*!())

series:

- an ember in the ashes series by sabaa tahir (still need to read the last book but !!!)

- scythe trilogy by neal shusterman (dystopian!! so cool!!)

- truly devious series by maureen johnson (mystery!!) 

- wolf by wolf duology by ryan graudin (this blew my mind)

- stalking jack the ripper series by kerri maniscalco (everything to me; mystery, forensics, historical, etc)

- the diviners series by libba bray (roaring 20s + paranormal, super good)

- the illuminae files by amie kaufman & jay kristoff (sci-fi, space, unconventional format)

adult: 

stand-alone:

- red, white, and royal blue by casey mcquiston (SO CUTE)

- the song of achilles by madeline miller (GOD)

- circe by madeline miller (SAME AS ABOVE)

- the priory of the orange tree by samantha shannon (fantasy!! super long but so so good!!)

- all the lights we cannot see by anthony doerr (broke me)

- spinning silver by naomi novik (fantasy, so good)

- the invisible life of addie larue by ve schwab (curses, time travel, so fucking good) (this author should be on favorites too)

- the handmaid’s tale by margaret atwood (must-read) (this is a series but i haven’t read any of the others so)

series:

- the carls by hank green (sci-fi-ish? so good and fascinating)

- all for the game series by nora sakavic (college au in book form... but way more intense hsjks)

- captive prince trilogy by cs pacat (wowow)

- the kingkiller chronicles series by patrick rothfuss

- feminine pursuits series by olivia waite (wlw historical romance)

misc:

- anne of green gables by lm montgomery (it’s my favorite classic, okay)

- cosmos by carl sagan (space, nonfiction)

- bed feminist by roxane gay (nonfiction, collection of essays)

- the radium girls: the dark story of america's shining women by kate moore (nonfiction; about the girls exposed to radium in factories in the 20s)

- quiet by susan cain (nonfiction; about introversion)

let me know if you have any other specific requests because these are all over the place!!! but i hope you find something! :)

[lookatmerosalie]

Love’s Consequences, Fourteen

    Austin and I head back to his car, both extremely satisfied with how the day went. I felt like I could fly off the ground at any moment in pure happiness.

  We drive back home, continuing to make jokes and fun conversation. If I knew that this is what an amazing first date was supposed to be like, I wouldn't have even said my date with Sammy was good. It was subpar compared to this. The connection we have with each other and pure chemistry, despite nervousness, made everything just so perfect. I'm damn lucky.

  The two of us pull back into his driveway and hop out of the car.

  "This may have been the best day I've ever had. Thank you Aus," I say, trying to express as much gratitude without showing visible affection in front of our houses.

   Right away, before I even have the chance to head back nextdoor, Tristan comes bolting out.

  "Hey guys, what are you up to?" he asks, trying to act chill, but clearly having a different intent.

  "We were hanging out with Marie and Sammy," I lie. Austin makes a fleeting gesture with his hand, letting me know he's just going to tell his brother.

  Austin pulls Tristan off to the side and talks to him. Instantly, Tristan walks back.

  "I knew it!"

  Austin rolls his eyes. I laugh.

  "He was onto us yesterday," I mention. He nods, seeming a little too proud.

  "I know how you guys act, y'all were being weird," he says confidently.

  "It helps that you already knew I liked him, to be fair," Austin says, rolling his eyes.

  Tristan may be a jock, but at least he's accepting of his brother's sexuality. He doesn't fit that stereotype.

  "Tristan, you can't tell anyone. Neither of us want to be out yet," I tell him firmly.

  "I know, I know. Your secret is safe with me," he says, extremely confident.

  "Dude, you're probably the worst at keeping secrets out of anyone I know," Austin says, concerned.

  "I didn't tell anyone you were gay, now did I?" he replies, trying to prove himself.

  "No, but you've told every other embarrassing secret to all of our friends at one point or another. It's like you'll explode if you don't tell someone," Austin lectures.

  Tristan shakes his head. "Trust me, I won't tell a soul."

   "Oh my god, I can't believe you two are dating!" Jade scream-whispers to Austin and I.

  My face goes flush and I notice that Austin is in shock.

  "Tristan?" he asks, horrified.

  "Yep, he said he was going to die if he didn't tell someone," Jade says.

  "Literally said that yesterday," Austin grumbles.

  "I'm so excited for you guys! I would've had no idea, but you're super cute together!" she gushes.

  "Listen, Jade. It's fine that you know, we know you support us. But you can't tell anyone. I literally mean anyone. Especially not Sammy or Marie," I tell her, as directly as possible.

  "As excited as I am, I'm not going to. I don't suck at keeping secrets as much as some people," she smirks.

  "Well, okay. Thanks," I say, still somewhat skeptical.

  She notices my doubts and furrows her eyebrows. "You don't trust me, do you?"

  I stare at the ground awkwardly. "It's not that I don't trust you, but I don't trust you," I tell her. Austin smirks.

  "I'm so good at keeping secrets, just watch!" she says, extremely determined.

  I give Austin a glance of distrust, but shrug and end up heading to class anyway.

 The whole time, I find myself making scenarios in my head of every single thing that could go wrong today. If I know anything about Jade, it's that she loves talking.

  I sit through history, followed by chemistry. As per usual, at least lately, I don't pay much attention to class at all. I spend my time waiting for my study hall that I share with Jade, to keep a close eye on her.

  I walk into the classroom, taking my regular seat. Before I can blink, I get a text from Marie.

  "Oh my god! You and Austin??"

  Both rage and fear bubble up inside me. This is spreading way too fast, I'm going to die.

  Jade enters the room, seeming chipper. Taking her seat next to me, I whisper, "Didn't I tell you to not talk to Marie about it?"

  "Okay, listen. It wasn't my fault," she says, putting her bag down.

  "Then whose fault was it?" I seethe quietly.

  She grimaces a little.

  "Marie wouldn't leave me alone! She knew I was acting weird," she defends herself.

  "Jade..." I grumble, putting my head in my hand.

  "It's okay though! She said she wouldn't tell anyone, not even Sammy!" she insists.

  I take my head out of my hand and look at her. "Out of all three of you that know, Marie is probably the biggest gossip. You think she'll hold onto something that sacred?"

  She quiets herself, knowing what's going to unfold.

  "Sorry?" she says, cringing.

  I stare into space, thinking about how bad things are about to be. Both Austin and I lying to Sammy to protect ourselves without any regard for her feelings is not a good look.

  "Dylan, is everything okay?" Jade asks.

  I feign a nod, not answering.

  My last class of the day, of course, is with Sammy.

  I head to English. Dreading everything.

  But, to my surprise, Sammy looks happy, both to see me and in general.

  “Hey! What’s up dude?” she asks, feeling chipper.

  “Oh, hey! I’m good,” I tell her, feeling a lot more relaxed.

  “I learned something really exciting today!” she grins.

  “Oh, you think it’s exciting? I’m glad to hear. I was worried to tell you,” I say, scratching my head.

  She furrows her eyebrows. “Wait, what? I’m excited because my parents adopted a cat today. What do you mean you were worried to tell me?” she asks, confused.

  My face goes flush. Before I can say anything to defend myself or lie, she looks down at her phone, reading something.

  She looks up at me, face shifting to a frown.

  Sammy gets up and leaves, trying to play it cool but clearly not doing well.

  I should’ve just told her myself.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

would you ever do a general rating of the 1d music videos?

I genuinely thought that I had already answered this, but I hadn’t.  So my answer is: Of course! I thought you’d never ask.

One Thing: Music videos are inherently absurd and in some ways the more naturalistic they try and be the more ridiculous they are - because you still have these people lip syncing through life.  One of the reason that One Thing works so well - is that idea of the video is that 1D are performing their song through London.  So you get all the absurd joy of an upbeat music video performance, but it feels real, because they are actually travelling through London on a bus performing.

There are so many perfect moments in this video: Harry’s ridiculous cheesyness at the beginning, Zayn with the Hijabi, Niall busking, Louis looking on while Zayn is busking and sort of taking charge, all the beautiful heartbreaking connection and charm on the bus.  Even Liam’s going blank as someone takes a picture with him - is capturing an importat aspect of who he is.  The framework that they were performing, allowed all these moments to come out that felt very real.

Kiss You: Glorious high energy ridiculousness.  The simple concept of tribute to Elvis movies works really well - working with the unrealness of filming makes the video feel grounded in a paradoxical way.  One of the reasons I like music videos is that they need to be based on an idea that can be executed in such a short space of time.  And that’s what I think 

What Makes You Beautiful: Is the WMYB music video actually good? maybe not.  There’s some really ridiculous cross fade editing and nothing about it is particularly interesting.  But it doesn’t matter, because I love it ever so much.  There’s so much joy from their performances - and they’re wearing really ridiculous trousers.  

Plus the ocean is in it lots and I haven’t been for a swim for almost five months and I haven’t seen a body of water larger than a duck pond for longer. Joy and a sense of place is enough for a music video.

Little Things: Sweet, sincere, naturalistic and effective.  It’s very simple and simple is hard.  But everything about it (except the song) works.

Best Song Ever: Such an absurd music video - but heaps of fun and that’s all that really matters.  Obviously Marcel and Veronica alone would be enough, but there is a lot of other joy to be had here, they interact with each other - and there’s synchroised dancing.  

(A small side note, I hadn’t realised that it was filmed in a synagogue, until Ben mentioned it recently on a day that was definitely not hte anniversary of it being filmed.  And I couldn’t stop thinking about it when watching, because it’s so obvious.  And there are all sorts of ways that the space doesn’t feel like an office, but a set pretending to be an office.  It doesn’t really matter in this video, because it’s supposed to be absurd, but Ben is really, really bad at sense of place in his videos).

Story of My Life: This is an excellent concept for a music video - it’s simple enough that it can be explored in four minutes, but it is interesting.  There’s an incredible behind the scene team that recreated houses from the 1990s, and those sequences really work for me.  The space they sing in also looks really cool and interesting, in a way that fits with the theme of the video.  Despite these strengths, it also invented 1D standing in a line, singing, but not interacting while being filmed from below, which is the curse of later 1D music videos.  (I absolutely get the appeal of 1D members having bits by themselves, and therefore making filming less intense for all involved, but why then choose such a terrible way for them to come together again?)

Live While We’re Young:  Watching the treatment has really brought out the weakness of this video to me.  The frolicking is fun - the whole video is super high energy and full of joy, but where are they and why? The video is just too clean, both literally and figureatively, to make the fun these people in their late teens and early twenties are supposedly having seem real.

Drag Me Down:  The concept behind the video is amusingly basic (’the opposite of being dragged down is going into space!’), but the video itself mostly works.  The setting is more than interesting enough to sustain 3 minutes and elevent seconds of 1D members existing in it. And Harry and the robot is actively good.

You & I: I’ve never quite understood the vitriol directed at this video.  It’s quite drab and not actively good, but there’s interaction between 1D members and the British seaside in bleak weather is a sense of place.  (Here’s getting even more controversial.  I’ve no idea why people call this plagerism.  Using the same special effect is hardly plagerism - and music videos as a genre involve a lot of using ideas.  

Perfect: I struggled with where to place this, because there’s a lot of good moments: the interview, Liam and Louis messing around, Harry and Harry L. And there should be a sense of space.  But ultimately the inexplicable decision to film in black and white really brings this video down for me.  As far as I can tell the only reason it was done that way to make it look pretty.  And I have a real thing about filmakers choosing aesthetics in a way that undermines what they’re actually trying to do.  If it had felt more real and grounded this video could have so easily captured the cooped up feeling of luxury - and the ways you cope in it that the song mentions.  But instead it’s just a series of aesthetically chosen snippets - and then people singing in a line for no reason.  

Night Changes: This video is at least a couple of places higher than it should be, because of the incadescent hammy charm of Harry’s performance.  Also because the fact that Niall wants to kill you at least makes his segment interesting. But I will say that I think the depiction of y/n ends up being quite misogynist, particularly because the video makes her everywoman.  She’s ridiculously passive thorughout each scenario, not just being led around by 1D members on the date itself, but also doing nothing while Niall is on fire.  Then her judgements are absurdly shallow - blaming Zayn for her ex being an asshole and Niall for being set on fire (although if she’s just using it as excuse to escape that’s legit)

History: This video is also a struggle - because the footage is really good and the present day performance is really bad.  In the end I dropped it down the list, because of the way it squandered potential and how easy it would be to make a better version of this video.

Gotta Be You: In a lot of ways Gotta Be You isn’t bad it’s just boring with some very odd serious faces.  But I can never unsee Liam rending at his trousers after singing ‘what a mess I made upon your innocence’ - and the video has to take responsibility for that.

Midnight Memories: This video is an abomination - trying for joy and a sense of place and failing spectacularly at both.  I have written a whole post about everything that is wrong with Midnight Memories.  And the only thing I’d like to add is: ‘Stop assuming that women owe you attention Niall’.  

Steal My Girl: So mostly this is just a mediocre video.  There’s no emotional core to it.  There’s no real sense of place - and the attempts at surrealism are super basic.  But it would be a lot higher up (because there’s a lot of bad 1D videos), if it wasn’t for the depiction of what is supposed to be Masai culture.

That video mostly depicts performers in that desert.  Ballet Dancers, marching bands, Sumo Wrestlers, rhythmic gymnasts and mimes.  These are all people who are performing in this video in a way they perform for a living.  To include a depiction of Masai people in that context, is to reduce Masai culture to a performance for white people.  

I think it’s also really importat that the Masai are presumably black American extras dressed up to look like Masai, while everyone else from ballet dancers to Sumo wrestlers, are what they are performing.  And I think you can really tell - particularly the difference between Zayn’s interaction with the Sumo wrestlers, and Niall’s interaction with the Masai.  The Sumo wrestlers are depicted as people who are interacting with Zayn and have agency. (There may very well also be things Japanese people object to about the depiction of Sumo wrestlers! Obviously I’m not an expert in any of this.  But I do think the difference between having people with knowledge, and having people dress up is very significant).

More than that, the whole idea of ‘bringing life to the desert’ is also a colonial idea.  There is life in a desert - and there are people who have lived in the desert - the idea that the desert is lifeless and needs to be transformed by outsiders only makes sense for people who want to erasing existing life and claim it as their own. 

One Way or Another Teenage Kicks: DAVID FUCKING CAMERON! JUST STANDING THERE SURROUNDED BY ONE DIRECTION MEMBERS!  Even if you leave aside the current set of clusterfucks that David Cameron is directly responsible for, because they didn’t know about them (WHICH I DON’T!), austerity was killing people in 2013.  David Cameron’s Tory governement relentlessly attacked poor and disabled people and made their lives worse. It’s shameful that any of them were prepared to be in a video with him.  (There is also the larger issue of the way Comic Relief constructs ‘Africa’ and the white saviourism of this video, but the appearance of David Cameron’s smug face means I can’t concentrate enough to write about it).

[sanityleftthechat]

College - Connverse fanfic

Before you start reading, most of the story line is based off of @oddpopsicle’s headcanons. Go check them out! :)

“You got everything?”

“Mhm!”

Today was Steven’s first day at college with Connie. She’d been his tutor for the past year and half. He had learnt incredibly quickly, and she was sure he was ready. Today was a Saturday, so she’d be showing him around, introducing him to the other students and just doing some optional papers and things Connie had lying around. They turned their heads to face each other, both smiling excitedly. Steven had longed for a more human-like life for quite a while now, and was ecstatic to finally experience it. They got inside of the Dondai and began driving to Jayhawk. He already knew the route, as he picked her up from her dorm every weekend to spend time together.

Before starting the car, Steven opened Spotify and passed his phone to Connie. “The radio’s yours!”

“Thanks biscuit.”

He beamed as his cheeks warmed, whilst twisting his keys. He couldn’t help but to flick his eyes towards the beautiful girl sitting next to him in the passenger seat at every red light. Connie’s alluring dark hair swayed in the light, summer breeze that drifted through the window. Her eyes glistened in the sunlight. Steven smiled serenely and looked back at the road. You could see the building now. They were close.

“Oh my...god! There’s so many people!” He said nervously, his mouth trembling.

Since it was the middle of Summer, a lot of students were outside reading, drawing, writing and talking.

“Don’t worry! Everyone here is super nice. You’ll love it.”

“You sure?”

“100% sure.”

To be honest, Steven didn’t think she was wrong. Every student looked enthusiastic and tranquil. Harmonious friends and lovers buzzed around the well-decorated campus, all chatting happily. 

Connie pointed towards an empty space in the busy parking lot. “There’s a space there.”

He reversed into it carefully, in an attempt to avoid hitting the other cars.

“Thanks Berry.”

“No problem, biscuit.”

Despite the peaceful vibe of Jayhawk, Steven’s anxiety still hadn't left him. It worsened. What if everyone thought he was weird? What if people were scared of him? What if he didn’t understand? What if-   He looked down at his hands, and saw that they were glowing pink. He shuddered, as a worried tear rolled down his face.

“Hey…” Connie gave him a loving peck on the cheek. “You’ll be fine. Trust me.”

Her soothing voice calmed him. He rubbed his eye and returned to normal. 

He gave a deep breath and unbuckled his seat belt. “Right. Let’s go.”

“Great confidence.” She replied, as she did the same and stepped out of the Dondai. 

He giggled, regaining enthusiasm. Their hands interlaced as they began walking towards the building. 

“We gotta get to the dorms and unpack your stuff first.”

“Ok!”

 About 30 minutes later, he’d finished unpacking his things and had spent a little time getting used to the dorm. Steven and Connie shared a bunk bed: Connie had the top, and Steven had the bottom.

“Hey...are you ok?” she asked concernedly, “you're really quiet!”

“What if your friends think I’m weird?”

“Why would they think you’re weird?”

“Because…you know....I’m half gem! What if I turned pink in front of everyone?!”

“They would understand. I’ve already explained to everyone and they all think it’s cool. Nothing to worry about.” She replied reassuringly, “you wanna meet them? They’re really excited to meet you.”

“Uh- sure! As long as they don’t smother me with attention like those people at the park last week.” Steven rolled his eyes at the thought of it.

“They won’t. Trust me. They’re nice people.”

“Great!  What’re they like?”

“So. There’s Payton. She's 15 and she’s quite nice. Her and her partner Rylie’s dorm is only a few doors away from ours. She’s into literature and art history, and is studying to be a writer.”

“Cool! Random question, can I have the Wifi?”

“1. Why the f--- did you only ask that now?! 2. Yes, you can.”

“Thanks.”

“Anyway. Then there’s Ryan. He’s around the same age as you and he’s super gay and outgoing.”

“As gay as Jamie the mailman?” Steven chuckled.

Connie giggled. “Gayer. His dorm is the one opposite ours. He shares it with his ‘friend’ Adam, but everyone knows they have a crush on each other.”

He chuckled. “What’s he studying?”

“Cosmetology and art. He wants to be a makeup artist. He’s actually quite good! He does mine and Payton’s hair and makeup a lot.”

“Well he must be amazing then!”

Connie blushed. “Whatever you say, Mister compliments. Anyway. I’ll text them.” “Okay!”

A couple moments later, Payton and Ryan came running through the door.

“OH MY F------ GOD CONNIE YOU FINALLY BROUGHT HIM!!!” Squealed Ryan. He was a very big shipper.

“EEEEEEEEE!!!” Payton screeched.

“Guys, guys. Chill. I’ve already told him about you so no need to introduce yourselves.” Sighed Connie, “and I don’t think you need to either, Steven.”

“Why?”

“She literally never stops talking about you.” Said Payton, “NEVER.”

Steven glanced over at Connie and smirked. She blushed and gave her the finger.

Ryan rolled his eyes. “Sis. Just admit it. You do.”

“Anyway,” Payton turned to look at Steven, “Is it ok if you show us your gem thingy?”

“Uh- sure!” He lifted his shirt a little, revealing his beautifully sparkling gemstone. 

Connie’s friends gasped in astonishment and excitement.

“Can you do anything with it?” Asked Ryan.

Connie put her hand over her mouth and leaned towards Steven’s ear.

 “Oh my god Stevennnn!” She whispered.

“What?”

“Shapeshiftttt!”

“You. Are. A. GENIUS.”

Connie smiled proudly. They looked back at Payton and Ryan. 

“Well, I can shapeshift!”

“WHAAAATTTTT?! SHOW US!!!!!”

After about an hour of talking, answering their long-awaited questions and exploring Jayhawk, they exchanged numbers and left.

“They were cool! What’d you wanna do now, Berry?”

“Well BiScUiT, feel like watching some Rick and Morty?”

“Hell yeah.”

She turned on her laptop and opened Netflix. They lay cosily in Steven’s bed and snuggled up against one another, giggling hysterically. A few hours later, Steven turned his head to the alarm clock beside him. His eyes widened.

“Uh...babe?”

She yawned. “What?”

“It’s 3 o’clock in the f------ morning.” “Oh, ok. I don’t care.”

*visible confusion* “Shouldn’t we go to sleep now?”

“I’ll probably fall asleep soon anyway.”

Steven laughed a little. “Ok. Love you Berry.”

“Love you too, biscuit.” 

They shared a romantic kiss before quickly drifting off, with their warm bodies nestled close to each other.

[thefloresgarden]

Sad tales of a 20 something.-Part: That one teacher

When I was a kid I wasn’t the most outgoing, nor the most charismatic and I was such a cry baby nobody wanted to be friends with me. Sure, I had some friends in kindergarten, you know how kids are they come and go, especially when Miss Cuqui made them sit with me, which was pretty cool, at least i had some people to be around with.

Then, elementary school. First grade and I was that chubby shy girl that was overly emotional (still am) that would STILL cry about everything. So needless to say I had no friends, until Miss Faby made a call (without me knowing) to a girl’s parents, she was as shy as me, but very friendly and had some more people around her. She became my friend as a favor from her parents to my teacher, and I didn’t even know about it until years later. I wanna thanks that teacher to let me meet one of my best friends in the world and teaming up with our parents behind our backs to make us friends.

Junior high, in my last year I was finally not overweight anymore. The first P.E class of the year was finally not going to be horrible when the teacher screamed my weight in front of everyone, even when i begged him with eyes full of tears to not do it. But I guess if it wasn’t me the most embarrassed he still had to do it to others anyway.

High school, I actually had more than a couple of teacher I really liked, starting with the history teacher. Super smart, satirical and as a fellow “former nerd” she gave no shit to the so-called cool kids(ew). She was so passionate about history that even made me want to consider majoring on it for a good half minute, then i remembered i actually hated that subject when she wasn’t my teacher. And I’m pretty sure she wasn’t going to be following me around to make sure I wasn’t slacking off my whole major, also she told me not to do it because I was either going to end up as a teacher or being poor, or as she said she was, “both”.

Another teacher in h.s. Was an english teacher, very young. She started when she was 18 and when I was 17 she was 24. She got married at 19 and went to live at my hometown with her then husband. She was bright, young, funny and a really great teacher. I always looked up to her and thought of her as a friend, or at least more approachable than regular teachers. I remember around mid semester she started to be a but grumpy and students were talking bad about her, I still defended her and still thought she was cool. Then we had a school trip which she wasn’t attending to the capital. I remember we all went to mall and it had a music shop where i saw a Brandon Flowers vinyl album and since I knew she loved him i decided to got her that. Simple as that. Never thought it was a big deal, so I never understood why she almost cried when I gave it to her. She left school a couple of weeks after that, she got a divorce and wanted to get back to her hometown.

Many years later, and to be honest not thinking much about her, I got a facebook messaged that still makes me emotional just by thinking about it. It was her, she said she was hesitant of sending me a message since she thought i wasn’t going to remember her (of course i did). She told me that she wanted me to know that the day I gave her that album she felt in one of her lowest points and receiving that from a student that just thought of her in a school trip really made her decide to turn her life back. She told me she still listen to the album and makes her feel like she wasn’t so bad, she told me I was one of the biggest reasons she still woke up and went teaching everyday. I never thought I had any sort of effect in anyone, less in someone I looked up to. I guess we need to cherish people more and show them we do.

Ever since that message if I think of someone by looking at something I just get it as a random gift, hopefully they don’t find it to intense of my part, but I just want people to know they matter to someone.

That makes me want to talk about someone too important to me, you know? THAT TEACHER.

This was kind of my second year of college, my first semester in my recently switched major. I wanted to have my best semester yet, I was doing my schedule and since I was new to the major I had a very shitty orderly turn to get it done, my most wanted class with my favorite teacher (and the one that made me switch majors) was completely filled. Oh my god, i literally cried because my semester was going to suck, I had to attend to Narrative structures with the new teacher nobody knew about. 

First day of class and I was early to the class and sit in the front, then this cool-ass redhead chick wearing a whole monochromatic outfit and dr martens was sitting in the teacher desk and I was already obsessed, I mean how could I not if the teacher of my most wanted class was wearing what is to this date my favorite thing to wear. 

The class started and me and everyone else in the classroom (except maybe for that kid “brian” who was obnoxious and kinda mean) were in awe with Lore, just fresh out of Tisch under a scholarship in the screenwriting department, looking like the smarter and even more enthusiastic version of Kimmy Schimdt. Telling us about her cool life in New York and her passion for screenwriting, maybe she doesn’t know this but she really got me to do that. Create, write and direct. We got this awesome but really hard group project for the semester, making a web series, my dream project. I had thought about it all summer before classes and I was going to do it. One problem though, my idea was bizarre and if you haven’t tell yet, besides lacking in melanin, I really lack in confidence. Back was the chubby kid too scared to raise her hand to answer questions or even going to the bathroom. But within that class, I felt powerful, I really felt worth it. She made us all feel like that, she encouraged us, never making us feel small, correcting us in what we needed to be corrected, excited in participating in creating. I think is the only class in college I didn’t want to miss for anything in the world. I had her in another class too, and to say i was excited is too little. This time my passion for witting was even bigger, and my admiration for her grew too. She helped me through so many times of fears and of doubts. She unstuck me from my own head and mentoring crossed in some friendship (wishful thinking).

When I had my worst semester, my big depression semester, her class was the only one I was attending, my best safe space. I told her I was taking the semester off while crying and making her cry too. What I didn’t tell her is that she really made a way to my brain and to my heart, maybe to her I was insignificant as Brandon Flowers album was for me, just something she had to do as a teacher. But to me, she really made me a bit stronger and made me enjoy parts of me I thought were weird, like my thick accent and weird wardrobe that she said she liked. She made me believe that is worth it to try in a men’s industry, to be creative, to not be confortable and to be vulnerable in what I write. I think she is one of the main reasons i write this blog-diary, to feel is to create and she thought me that.

And one of the things I am the most happy about her, is the she is actually doing it, making her first full length film in a country where is already hard to make films and to be a woman, but she is proving wrong in both. I might be a little intense but I really admire her and wish I made a little bit of an impact in her life since she really did change a big part of mine.

Sometimes some people are really destined to change lives ad I am very grateful for all of them and hope one day I can be that for someone too.

[arkus-rhapsode]

What do you consider the IDEAL comic crossover for My Hero, DC or Marvel?

Oh boy, an excuse to talk about comics! Strap in this answer may surprise you.

Since superheroes in the traditional sense are more of a western creation and the comic industry is dominated by Marvel and DC, its only natural when a manga series all about superheroes that resemble that traditional western idea you’d think about them crossing over.

However, there’s a lot of distinct differences between MHA’s universe and the big 2 mainstream comic universes. These differences make it harder for me to see them actually being able to mesh.

Obvious ones being space aliens and magic exist. Heroes with just gadgets are more common. And very key to the marvel universe, you can be a mutant and discriminated against even though there’s a bunch of other heroes with freaky powers that just weren’t born with them and somehow they get a pass (That’s a discussion for another day).

But what I always go to as what makes MHA extremely different and not at all compatible with comics like Superman or Wonder Woman or Wolverine is very simple, weakness.

Quirks in MHA suffer a variety of weaknesses. A big point in the story is growing your skill to work around that weakness. Now that’s not to say heroes in Western Comics don’t have weaknesses. Superman can be stopped by Kryptonite, Green Lantern can be stopped by the color yellow, ans Martian Manhunter can be stopped by fire. All well and good, but most of those limits are super specific malefactors that aren’t products of limitation the way quirks are.

The pinnacle of MHA’s hero society at this moment is Endeavor, a guy who can make a bunch of flames, but use too many and he burns himself out. That’s their PEAK. Now hop over to Marvel and Human Torch can literally go on forever.

This is due to both industries taking a different approach to action. In MHA you can make chapters on just the fight. The back and forth and struggle. And a battle of skill is really engaging.

But in comics, fights aren’t really about the battles. Its more, strike a dynamic pose while caption boxes use that to tell a story. The action can look cool and have stakes, but its more a story than it is a battle of skill. Now there are times this isn’t always the case.

The Dan Jurgens’s Teen Titans and Kyle/Yost New X-Men both used an emphasis on skill in battle as a way to show these young heroes were up and coming and had to grow into protectors and fighters. And long comic books like Superman vs The Amazing Spider-man used it’s extra page space to infuse it with more intricate action. However, these are exceptions, and not the rule. This is likely due to Manga be produced in a week and comics being produced in a month yet having roughly the same amount of pages.

Another thing is role. MHA is one story told by one guy and will have its definitive end. When they beat a villain, that’s a big moment because its likely the end of that villain. But in western comics, they have no true end. You beat that villain, they can come back, maybe acting differently depending on the writer.

It’s due to their limitations, the characters of MHA just wouldn’t work in the worlds of Marvel or DC, they are too fragile. Too different. The characters of MHA would be upstaged in terms of feats. It’s such a difference in base function that it really removes the interest in seeing them crossover. Thus making it not IDEAL for me.

I actually think characters from the Justice League or Avengers would cross over better with heroes from One Punch Man. There, S-Class heroes are ridiculously strong. The roof on their power limit is almost unachievable to any of heroes in MHA and people like the fast as super tech of Child Emperor, Super Martial Artist Bang, Tornado of Terror Tatsumaki would actually integrate into the same weight class as God of Thunder Thor, Super Science Iron Man, and super regenerative Wolverine.

But this isn’t OPM, it’s about MHA, and after I gave that big dressing down of how they just wouldn’t really fit in the over powered worlds of Marvel/DC. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t a universe I think MHA would fit in with.

The universe is Marvel’s New Universe.

For those who don’t know what the New Universe, the basic gist of it is this. In honor of Marvel’s 25th Anniversary, a distinctively separate universe from the main Marvel continuity, was launched with a unique mission statement and goal. This would be a superhero world grounded in realism.There would be no hidden races, gods, mythological beings, magic, or supertechnology (in fairness, this rule was broken by one Character called Justice, who was an exiled Alien Warrior, but 7 out of the 8 titles sticking to the rules isn’t too bad).

Superhuman characters and powers would be limited and thus more subdued in their activities, yet their actions would have more realistic consequences. Superhumans began to appear thanks to a phenomenon called the White Light Event, which gave 2 out of ever 1 million humans super powers. Those who gained powers were referenced to as Paranormals.

Now this project was certainly ambitious for Marvel, and as you can guess from how little relevance it has nowadays, it didn’t do so hot. Unfortunately, New Universe just couldn’t afford the A-list Talent it wanted and the line crashed and burned. Becoming more of a foot note in Marvel Comics history and sometimes explored or had elements taken from it by the mainstream marvel.

A shame as, New Universe would actually mesh with MHA, unlike mainstream marvel, super humans are just starting out, there is none of that baggage of “mutants bad, but people who got their powers from radiation good.” No, if you had powers, you were a target by a glowingly concerned public.

There is no magic or magic metal like vibranium that can be relied on by normal humans to gain powers.

As stated previously, it was almost all earth bound. Heroes in this world had to have powers all from the same place. This white light that made genetic anomalies that gave people powers.

And what about those powers? Well lets take a look at one the super hero “teams” of the New Universe DP7. A title all about a group of 7 paranormals.

Well their powers included members like:

Friction- acquired the power to make herself, anything she touched, and any other object she thought about within a limited range friction-free enough to make the object or person slide effortlessly. Over time, Beck learned to make her power object-specific or to increase friction to stick things together.

Scuzz- who produces a corrosive substance from his skin, which he himself is immune to. He can increase his skin's production of the chemical, to the point of burning through a steel plate in 10 seconds, but cannot stop it, turning anything he wears into a tattered ruin within days and affecting objects such as bedsheets and furniture that he comes into regular contact with.  He learns to form his chemical-laden saliva with his skin secretion into "gobs" or "spitballs" that he can throw.

Twilight- whose body produces "fatigue-poison inducing bioluminescence" that can paralyze and render unconscious individuals that are exposed to it. Twilight's power requires her to remain covered over her entire body at all times

Blur- whose body vibrates so fast that he cannot stand still. He requires vast amounts of food for his accelerated metabolism and can move at superhuman speed.

As you can see, these superhumans are more in line in terms of power with how Horikoshi writes powers. And I think that means you’d be able to crossover without one of the heroes being upstaged.

However, why I think this is ideal is just the fact that the New Universe is a world at the cusp of super humans appearing. We know in MHA that when that happened with quirks, it didn’t go smoothly. So I think it be amazing to see the characters of MHA who’s society reflects a possible conclusion for the society of the new universe.

Look, I know there’s tons of fanfiction and fan works that pair MHA with Marvel or DC and there’s nothing wrong with that. That is your creativity, and you are free to explore it in anyway you want. Never has this post been my intent to tell you that you can’t have an MHA/DC crossover or what have you. This is simply what I’d consider the most ideal crossover.

And I think that with these factors of realistic world, powers with limitations, and the blossoming of a super human society. That’s why I’d say the New Universe is the best one MHA could have a western comic crossover with.

[jawnjendes]

her eyes are tired | shawn mendes

chapter 12/?, university au, shawn x goth oc

AN: a filler but issa good one! i also just wanna remind you all that no matter how bad things seem rn, things do get better and things are always changing. i believe in you!

***let me know if you wanna be added/removed from the taglist

masterlist | playlist (new song added every chapter!)

“Really, it's fine,” Annalise said to Shawn as he pulled into the last space in a crowded parking lot. “You don’t have to go the extra mile. I just needed company for the doctor.”

Shawn took the liberty of driving her to a nearby Starbucks after leaving Dr. Pacini’s office. He figured Annalise wasn’t in the mood for a full meal, at least this was better than nothing.

“Your blood pressure was low,” Shawn reminded her.

"Yeah, because I knew I would take a blood test, so I was fasting," she said back.

“And now the blood test is over. You need something in your system. Besides, food will help boost your mood. I know you like the chocolate chip muffins they got here."

Annalise took off her seatbelt as she hummed. She was too tired to argue, and she knew she wouldn't find anything more comforting or appetizing in the confined space of her dorm. "Thank you."

“Of course. I told you I’m here for you.”

He smiled, and Annalise couldn’t help but smile back. It was safe to say that most of her rage towards him had calmed down. The pelvic pain got her mind off of the stupid relationship problems for the time being. Replace one anxiety with another.

There was some noticeable space between Shawn and Annalise as they entered the coffee shop. She kept her phone in one hand and the other clutching the strap of her bag, like she was worried he would try to hold her hand or something. It just wasn't the time for those things.

Shawn happily paid for their order, both of them having some fruit refresher. Annalise couldn't find it in her heart to tell him that Starbucks was very 50/50 when it came to working with her digestive system. She knew the mango dragonfruit was safe for now, but the thought that it could suddenly be too sugary for her fragile stomach was a little nerve inducing. But she did have a soft spot for the muffins, like Shawn said.

Today, however, Annalise just picked at the treat, taking a couple of bites every so often. She was hungry, but anxiety was still very much in her system.

"History is kinda repeating itself, eh?" Shawn asked, getting her attention.

"What do you mean?" she replied.

"Where were we on this day a year ago?" He grinned before sipping his own drink.

"A coffee shop less crowded." Annalise slouched in her seat. Her feet naturally found their place between Shawn's legs under the table. "You were with a girl who was not as messy as this one."

"And my feelings for her haven't changed."

At least he didn't try to deny the disaster sat in front of him. It was much better than straight up coddling, in her opinion.

"I have a question," Shawn prompted.

"Okay…"

"Out of everyone you know, why did you call me?"

Suddenly, Annalise had an appetite. She ripped off a rather large piece of her muffin and stuffed it into her mouth, avoiding eye contact. Several different answers popped into her head, but she refused to speak any of them into the universe.

"Okay, how about this," Shawn tried again, "why couldn't, say, Stella go with you?" He already knew why, he just wanted to see if she would share something like that with him.

And she did. Annalise swallowed, and then spoke. "She's really mad at me. We argued, and she left the dorm for the time being."

"What did you guys argue about?"

"I don't even know at this point. I just know I messed up and she's rightfully upset. God, I'm tired."

She didn't need to say that twice. Seeing her without her signature dark eye makeup made Shawn notice the fatigue in her brown eyes. It looked like she stopped trying, and it broke his heart. He wanted to touch her hand or her face, attempt to remove every kind of pain she was dealing with. But he still didn't know if this was the right time to do anything like that, and he wasn't sure if he was even allowed to ask.

"She'll come around," he told her. "I know it. You guys are unbreakable."

Annalise only took another bite of her muffin. She didn't want to talk about this anymore.

"Another thing," Shawn said, changing the subject. He took a deep breath, knowing he had this coming, and he didn't know if he was going to see her again after this. "I'm sorry for what I said to you that night."

She knew what he was talking about. She momentarily distracted herself with downing half of her drink. Then, "You weren't exactly wrong."

"But it hurt you," he told her. "I hurt you. It was never my intention to make you feel that way."

Annalise pursed her lips as she considered the words. He wouldn't have gone all this way for her today if he wasn't telling the truth. She sighed. "I'm sorry I didn't believe what you were telling me."

"Well, I didn't make it easy for you," he said.

"Yeah, but I know better than to give into my own paranoia. After all this time, I should have known to trust you more."

That was definitely true, but Shawn didn't say it out loud. "Just so you know, I did tell Alessia to back off. I don't talk to her anymore."

Annalise was surprised. "Really? But you guys were friends."

"She didn't want to be just my friend. No, I think it's better we're not around each other for now."

"Oh."

The persisting guilt made itself known again. If Annalise hadn't said anything then Shawn have had to just cut someone off like that. Admittedly, she was a little jealous of the chemistry he had with Alessia, and the fact that they were a more believable couple than "Shawnnalise" (still the worst name ever.) But if the roles were reversed, Annalise wouldn't just stop talking to someone like Stella or Patrick because of her boyfriend's jealousy. That would just be something he'd have to deal with.

"I hope you guys can go back to being friends after all this blows over," she told him, mindlessly twirling the straw in her cup. "She was really cool."

Shawn grinned, appreciating the sentiment. Then, came another subject change. "Do your parents know about anything that's been going on?"

To his surprise, Annalise chuckled. "All they care about is that I'm getting good grades and that I don't end up in the hospital again. I told my mom about the pelvic pain and she literally told me to stop talking to her about it and go to the doctor. So much for parental support."

"She just wants to make sure you get the help you need."

"I know… I just don't always want advice."

"Do they know what's been going on with us?" Another question Shawn was hesitant to ask, but he needed to know.

Annalise paused for a moment. "It's better that they don't. They like you, but it can be really easy for them to turn against you."

So that's where she gets it from. Must run in the family.

As soon as their cups were empty, Shawn and Annalise left the establishment. The ride back to his apartment was oddly silent until Shawn bumped the radio.

"Who's this playing?" Annalise asked as an acoustic tune started playing. It reminded her of Shawn's music, but it wasn't his own.

"Niall Horan," he told her.

"Hm, never heard of him."

"Seriously? He was in One Direction."

"Never listened to them."

"You what?"

She cracked a smile, but Shawn wasn't amused.

"They were the biggest boyband in the world!"

"So? They never piqued my interest."

"Yet you listen to Little Mix?"

Annalise chuckled, blushing. "That's different. They're super underrated! Their lyrics are sassy and full of life! And have you seen what the girls look like? They're all gorgeous!"

"So is Niall!" Shawn caught himself. "And all the guys from One Direction!"

Now she knew why he was passionate about this topic. She giggled. "Did I just discover your celebrity crush?"

He scoffed in disbelief. "What? No."

"Aw, he's not your free pass?" Annalise teased. This was the most fun she had today, and she wanted to savor it. Besides, she didn't know much about this side of Shawn. "So like, if I gave you my blessing, and you saw Neil-"

"Niall."

"-at a hotel or something, you wouldn't…?"

On a rare occurrence, Shawn was blushing. He focused on the road and stayed quiet for a moment. "Okay, maybe!"

"Ahh, I knew it! And it's okay! My free pass is either Jade from Little Mix or Amy Lee! Whoever I see first!"

Shawn breathed out a chuckle as his shoulders relaxed. "Okay, you have my blessing for either of them. But only them!"

For a moment, it felt like all the bad shit they had gone through these last few months had never happened. Annalise felt her chest get warm in that nice, heart fluttering way it used to. Her feelings hadn't changed either, and it was a relief to discover that. She wasn't stringing him along for nothing. None of this was for nothing.

They were in a comfortable silence when Shawn was pulling up next to Annalise's car at his apartment building. Neither of them wanted this thing to be over, but what were they going to do? Say it out loud? Make it known?

"Thanks again for everything," Annalise said. "I really appreciate it."

"Anytime." Shawn smiled.

Was it bad that she sort of wanted to kiss him? No, it would be bad if she actually did it. Everything between them felt so delicate, one sudden move could demolish whatever was left. Annalise had gripped the door handle for only a moment before Shawn spoke again.

“Wait.” His hand flew to her shoulder.

Annalise felt her heart race instantly, gently grabbing his wrist. “I-”

“I’m doing a gig,” Shawn explained. “Well, I plan to, anyway. The lounge hasn’t called me back yet, but when it comes around, I’d like for you to be there.”

She exhaled, her body relaxing. “So it’s not even booked yet?”

“It’s not set in stone, but it will be. I just wanted to let you know ahead of time. I really want you to be there.”

Annalise narrowed her eyes. “It’s not another serenade, is it?”

Shawn chuckled. “No, I promise. I already learned that lesson. Just be in the audience, okay?”

“Okay,” she said.

“You promise?”

“I promise I’ll be there.”

Shawn’s eyes lit up and he was smiling once again. “Great. I’ll text you when I get the date.”

For a moment, they just sat there and gazed at each other. Annalise felt herself melting like she did a year ago, but her brain caught up quick. She really missed Shawn. Although she was no sweet dream, she missed the pleasant romance they had prior to this mess. It was easy to tell that Shawn missed it too, and it wasn’t just because he previously told her that. There was that longing in his brown eyes that made Annalise’s next statement sting a little bit.

“I have to go,” she opened the door, only to hear the plea in Shawn’s voice.

“Ann…”

“This isn’t a ‘fuck-it’ moment,” she told him.

And yet she still lingered in his Jeep. Shawn just had these stupid cute eyes and stupid cute everything. In the end, however, Annalise climbed out of the vehicle and went to her own. It wasn't time for all that yet.

~

“So you are on the same page again?” asked Callie the very next day. “You went through all of this just for you to make sure you still love each other?”

Callie wasn’t one to judge, being a professional psychotherapist. However, Annalise could tell when she didn’t quite understand something. For example, Callie asked a lot of questions regarding the separation. Whose idea was it? How long was it going on for? Annalise only found it strange because she knew Shawn must have talked about it during this time here. Callie had to have already known about this…

“Yes?” she said in response to her question. “Yes, we want to be with each other. But I can’t express that because Shawn will jump right into it and I don’t want that to be the thing to ‘fix’ this funk I’m in. Y’know what I mean?”

“Ah, I see. You’re aware of your depressive episode now.”

Annalise sighed as she nodded. “Yeah, I’ve been feeling the effects of it now. I’ve cried a lot, and I had an anxiety attack yesterday.”

“Did it help to get some of the pent up feelings out?” Callie asked.

“I don’t really know. Ever since the hospital, I thought if I let myself cry about it, I’d never stop. Like, I’m not crying nonstop, it comes in waves. So does the aching sadness. I don’t remember it being this brutal the first time I had a session here.”

“Some traumas are worse than others. This one clearly took its toll. I know it’s painful, but letting yourself feel the emotions will help you in the long run. And we can slow down with talking through all of this if you wish.”

Annalise nodded, realizing she was able to name something she was feeling. Sadness. It was a persisting issue in the past. Not speaking of her feelings and not knowing what they were was troublesome not only in romantic relationships, but with family as well. The fact that she was able to point out her sadness now made her think that maybe she wasn’t such a lost cause.

“And, I presume you have people around you?” Callie inquired. “People to support you, or distract you?”

Now, she slouched in her seat. “Yeah, uh… this particular episode hasn’t been nice to me or anyone around me.” She explained the fights with Stella and Shawn, and the impromptu dropping out of gaming club, which led the session to be consumed by tears and meltdowns.

But Annalise did manage to name another feeling: guilt. She felt guilty for screaming at the people she loves. She felt guilty for going off her meds. She even felt guilty for breaking Chad’s nose.

“And, I’m aware I’m lucky to be where I am,” she sniffed. “I’ve had good parents and good friends. Shit, I found a guy who actually cares about me! I have an education and I’m throwing that away because I haven’t done any school work… I’m lucky, and I should be happy! Why am I gonna complain about my perfect life?”

“Isn’t that something? You have all these good things in your life, yet the depression persists. That’s the thing with mental illness, Ann: it doesn’t discriminate. And, not to take away from everything you just said, but nobody’s life is perfect. You’ve had as many downs as ups.”

Oh yeah, because Annalise totally forgot about that load of crap.

“The fact that you went off your medication definitely contributes to this as well,” Callie went on. “So the first thing you need to do is get you back on something, maybe a new one altogether. When was the last time you spoke to your primary doctor?”

Annalise wiped her tears with her sweater sleeves and caught the words printed on. So much for having a ‘positive mental attitude.’

For the duration of the day, she felt quite shitty. The therapy meltdown took every ounce of energy from her. That, apparently, is the work of therapy she had gone through before. Like every illness, this needed to run its course and be treated. Not to mention, she couldn’t do it alone either. There wasn’t time to talk about it in detail during today’s session, but Callie suggested the obvious: try to make amends with the people hurt by Annalise’s words and actions.

It was important, duh, but she still made the point to go to her primary doctor on Monday morning instead. That same day, Annalise went to each of her professors and asked for extensions on whatever assignments she was about to royally screw up. Last semester didn’t go so well in the sense that Biology nearly killed her goal of attaining her Bachelors. The idea of having to repeat the class a third time was painfully unfathomable. This is how she procrastinated making apologies to anyone.

These days, it was hard to study in silence. Annalise had her phone on YouTube, and Bella Santiago's soft voice filled the living room. Having this particular YouTuber on was a comfort to Annalise; She felt like Bella would be the one to truly understand her. Although, for a beauty guru, she got quite deep in her videos, especially as of late. Bella's signature pink hair was long gone, but her infamous tangents remained the same. Annalise had just been working on a psych essay, having a makeup tutorial on as background noise, but she zoned back in to hear Bella's rambling.

"I'm not saying you all need to run away from home," she said as she dabbed concealer under her eyes. "Don't do that. But if you are gonna get away from everything for a bit, tell people where you're going. They might be able to talk you out of it. They might be able to help you with whatever you're going through. Seven months ago, I forgot that there are people who care about me here in LA."

That was the first strike to Annalise's chest. She slowed down her scribbling in her notebook, eyes glancing to the tiny screen.

Bella casually powdered her face with a large fluffy brush. "Mental illness has a way of making you think you're alone, and that makes you lash out. All the friends I have, all the ones that you see, none of those are perfect relationships. I've cut these people off before for no good reason other than thinking I was a burden and not worth their time."

And there's the second strike. Annalise put her pen down and sighed, now giving her full attention to this makeup artist.

"I know it's hard to believe when you're stuck in your own head," she continued, "but you are worth it. There are people who want to be there for you. And remember to forgive yourself for the things mental - or even physical - illness took away from you…" She paused and chuckled softly. "Okay, that got a little too real. Anyway, I'm moving onto contouring, and I'll be using-"

But Annalise never discovered what made Bella's cheekbones so defined and beautiful. She closed the video and opened up her text messages, scrolling down to the conversation with Stella. The last text was from a month ago, and it was just Annalise notifying her that she would be home late. It was the day of the Bart adventure gone wrong.

If Annalise were to apologize, how could she do it over text? Stella deserved more than that. She needed to know she matters to Annalise.

It's not like she didn't know where Stella was hiding out, but Annalise still procrastinated. Every morning in the elevator, she briefly considered going to the second floor on her way to class. Then she would make the "I have no time" excuse and carry on. That little surge of guilt settled deep in her stomach, though. When did she not feel bad about something?

The elevator did stop on the second floor that Tuesday morning. Annalise had the typical internal debate of getting off here before someone showed up and paused at the threshold.

That someone was Alessia. She had her phone in hand, texting while walking. One foot was in the elevator, and she had frozen on the spot. Two pairs of brown eyes pierced into each other, both clearly caught off guard. Somehow neither woman expected to run into each other despite living in the same building.

Neither woman noticed the two girls behind Alessia until one of them rather rudely spoke up.

"Are you going in or not?"

Alessia jumped, glancing back at the blonde girl and her friend, mumbling an apology. Then she turned on her heel and sped down the corridor. Annalise took only two steps out to follow her, until she hears that same rude, squeaky voice.

"Looks like she found another victim."

Annalise stopped in her tracks, hearing Ms. Blonde-Hair-Blue-Eyes and her friend giggle to one another. Yeah, that's not the first time Annalise has received a comment like that, but come on! She wasn't even trying to dress her best today. She didn't even have her signature "scary" liner on!

She turned and stuck her hand between the elevator doors before they could shut. They slid back open, causing the two normies to cease their laughter immediately. They both stared at Annalise, eyes wide.

"What was that?" she asked, voice sickly sweet but her face full of murder.

Blondie trailed her icy blue eyes down the other girl's appearance. "Just wondering whose funeral you going to?"

"Oh, I haven't gotten that far yet," Annalize replied. "Still gotta decide who is gonna be sacrificed to Satan himself. But uh, the decision just got a little easier." Then, she pulled out the pentagram necklace from under her hoodie and rubbed the charm. "Sana… sana… colita de rana…"

The two girls backed up against the wall, disturbed. "What did you just do?" Blondie frantically asked.

Annalise smiled. "Nothing at all. But now you're gonna be thinking about me all day." She winked, and then to be even more petty, "Boo!"

They both shrieked, satisfying the goth. She smirked and then went down the corridor.

She may have lost Alessia in those two short minutes, but it was worth it. She quickly rushed to the staircase and practically bolted down three floors, sidestepping past students coming in the opposite direction. Thankfully, she spotted Alessia's wild curls in the lobby and called after her.

It was easy to tell that Alessia did not want to be stopped, but she did anyway. She clutched her books to her chest as Annalise approached her, brown eyes wide with fear.

"What's wrong?" Annalise asked.

"Huh? Nothing!" she replied a little too quickly. "What's up?"

"Um…" It dawned on her that she had nothing planned out. "I… wanted to apologize…?"

Alessia tilted her head. "Why?"

"Uh, I've been an asshole to just about everybody, you included. Just wanted to say I'm sorry for being cold and antisocial."

"I think you should be mad at me. You haven't been an asshole. I already knew you weren't exactly social. You've been nice to me, actually. All I've done is hit on your boyfriend."

Annalise hesitated. "Yeah… but lots of people do. Like, come on, he's beautiful. You're the only person I've been mad at for doing so."

"Oh…" Alessia trailed off. "Well, since we're here. I already apologized to him, but I'm sorry to you too. I know you've got him wrapped around your finger. And I'm sorry for getting so drunk that you had to drag me home. And I'm sorry for the comments I made about your health."

Honestly, Annalise had been so preoccupied by her current health issues that she forgot about all of that. The resurfacing of these things brought the smallest hint of annoyance to hit, but she also logically knew that it was time to right the wrongs.

"It's okay," she said. "Water under the bridge."

"Cool." Alessia smiled.

There were still hints of awkward in the air. Annalise decided to change the subject.

"Still going to gaming club?"

"Yeah. Chad broke his nose somehow, that's the main topic going on. We're all trying to figure out what happened since he won't tell us."

Annalise chuckled. "Oh, I know all about that."

_______

taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @ilsolee @mendesromano @1-800-khalid-mendussy @kitykatnumber @strangerliaa @iloveshawnieboi @poppyshawn @shawnsunflower @shawnvvmendes @shawmndes @ruinhoney @someoneunimportantxx @calyumthomas @yourdeflightfullyleft @havethetimeeofyourlifee @wronglanemendes @chillingbythesea @softmendesss @mutuallynotmutual

[heterophobiclesbean]

15 Questions Tag Game

Tagged By: @allo-princess ily <3 <3

Are you named after anyone?

So funny story I’m white so my parents have been on that naming bullshit since day 1 but both of my older siblings have biblical names that my parents THOUGHT were uncommon that turned out to be common so my parents got to me and decided to get creative and did like a ~fun twist~ on one of the apostle’s names so i am named the “””female”””” version of an apostle’s name and it turns out its actually a boys name and thats why I’m gay

The name I go by on this blog tho (Bee) wasn’t necessarily after anyone except bees maybe because they are the true heroes

When was the last time you cried?

Today in class babes! We watched How to Survive A Plague in my public health class and the scene where people threw the ashes of loved ones they lost to AIDS really fucked me up it was hard to watch and also a reminder that Reagan’s grave is a gender neutral bathroom everyone should piss on

Do you have kids?

Nope and I don’t think I’d be a good parent so I’m waiting for my brother or sister to have kids so I can be the fun gay aunt that takes them to Drag Shows or whatever

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I am sarcastic like 90% of the time I talk but also I am REALLY bad at detecting sarcasm from other people I’m like a gullible little baby

What is the first thing you generally notice about people?

I don’t think I notice anything about anybody but probably their smile or hair

What’s your eye colour?

Hazel i guess.

Scary movie or happy ending?

I’m such a horror movie bitch I am an absolute BABY like I have to hold someone’s hand and shit but damn I love a good horror movie for a long time the only time I ever Felt Anything was when I watched horror movies and I will never stop loving them for being a surefire way to get me to have emotions again when the Depression kicks in

Any special talents?

My sister thinks I’m psychic because I can always tell when something bad is going to happen. It’s just anxiety but also like there’s never a time that something bad has happened that I haven’t predicted so. Also I think I’m really good at parking but I drive a small car so

Where were you born?

Good ol’ PNW of the US. Sasquatch country babey!

What are your hobbies?

I LOVE napping so I count it as a hobby, I like to make fancy pretty cards, I like playing video games (I’m such a Zelda hoe tbh, and a Pokemon hoe god I LOVE pokemon), when I can get myself into it I like reading, and I listen to music like 99% of the time so I consider it a hobby

(Fun side note when Spotify does that yearly music report for each person I literally spent a whole fuckin month listening to my favorite band last year. Like a whole 1/12th of my time was spent on ONE band so. It’s a fucking hobby to me!)

Do you have any pets?

There’s a family dog that my mom likes to pretend is mine because we got her when I was six and everyone used me to emotionally blackmail my dad into letting us get one, she’s an absolute goblin because she’s old and blind and deaf and very very stupid and won’t go up or down the stairs by herself, yells if she is left alone (alone as in not within 5 feet of a person) for longer than 30 seconds, and she has to wear diapers. This doesn’t sound like I love her I promise I do she’s just the absolute worst and complete pain in the ass and I DO LOVE HER but they should have just called Shih Tzus “Shits” instead because that’s what she is

I also have a cat who I would absolutely DIE FOR I am severely allergic to her but she is my Sweet Baby who I love and she has never done anything wrong in her entire life

What sports do you play/have you played?

My parents made me do all kinds of sports growing up despite the fact that I was NEVER good at any of them so I did softball, basketball, soccer, and gymnastics for like 1-2 years each when I was around 11ish and I played volleyball like 5th grade to 9th, and I ran track a few years in middle school. 

How tall are you?

I’m 5′2″ physically but people seem to think I’m taller than I actually am relatively frequently and I think it’s my abrasive personality 

Favourite subject in school?

Oh man I was and still am a huge nerd, I was a teacher’s pet growing up, I generally liked all the subjects but my favorites were history and physics I think. As much as I love English I think I just had too many shitty teachers. Surprisingly despite the fact that I’m a math major now math was never my favorite subject, but I was always good at it. Always hated biology though.

Dream job?

Okay so. My first dream job is an astronaut because HOW COOL WOULD IT BE TO GO TO SPACE also I’m a lesbian so like it’s my constitutional right but I’m not gonna be an astronaut lol so my second dream job is comedian because I think I’m pretty funny but that also isn’t going to happen so like if I had to have a realistic dream job it would probably be like working for NASA I think working for NASA would be super cool i don’t care what they want me to do as long as it has to do with space I’ll do it

Tagging: If u follow me and u wanna do this u should because I would love to see literally any of my mutuals’ or followers’ answers please talk abt urselves this was fun!!!!

[miximax-hell]

There have been people, some truly wonderful souls, who have followed my blog during my long period of absence. For that, thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I don’t deserve that kindness. With that out of the way, hello! Once again, it’s been so long... And that’s exactly we won’t delve in the past now. Let’s get right to it!

Today’s miximax is one that can barely be recognised at all unless you’re specifically told who the vessel and aura are. So, just in case my handwriting is THAT awful, we’ll be talking about Sakuma’s miximax today! For him, I’ve chosen a wonderful character that is, quite literally, part of the history of videogames as a whole. After the news about a new Smash coming soon, the promise of Metroid Prime 4 for Switch, and the very successful (AND SPANISH) remake of Metroid II, it feels like a great time to bring Samus Aran into the battle! The coolest intergalactic bounty hunter there ever was makes for a very simple-looking miximax, but it was still quite tough to draw because of RUST. Ah well. No one to blame but myself.

Anyway, I think this deserves a proper explanation, so let’s see why these two make for a fantastic combo! For more on that, please check under the cut. As usual.

Well, you’ve made it this far, so let’s delve a little in the past now. ww Just yesterday, I finally finished writing my graduation thesis!! That means I’m finally free... for a little while. Just enough to enjoy half a month of debauchery AND SPEND TIME WITH MY GIRLFRIEND, WHOM I MISS VERY MUCH. Oh, and my internship ended about two and a half weeks ago, too. While I am free in that sense as well, I can’t say I’m a scriptwriter and game designer right now, which kinda sucks. But they might still hire me...! And I’m ruminating some exciting ideas of my own. I highly doubt the company I worked for will be interested in them, but, well, it’s worth a shot. And good practice, in any case. So, yeah! I hope you’ve all been well!

Anyway, let’s get right to it. A single paragraph of my life struggles was enough. ww

This is still a fairly small blog with less than 100 followers. And it will always be because of how niche it is. ww Not only that, but most of said (active) followers aren’t even friends of mine, but the aforementioned kind souls who, somehow, grace me with their presence here. That means that, for example, if I were to go on Twitter to talk about my projects for this blog (as I’ve done a couple of times in the past), only one or two of my friends would give a crap about it. And that’s assuming they see those specific tweets at all! Otherwise, the reactions I get are non-existent unless I’m specifically mentioning someone. And even that is far from being failproof. So, whenever I want to share my ideas with someone, develop them through conversation or brainstorm, there’s only one person I can rely on: my lovely girlfriend. She’s patient and super supportive of my work. Bless her soul. I’m so in love with her.

Anyway, thanks to how much I’ve ranted to her about SakuSamus, I’ve already typed down most of what needs to be said about why I think these two work so well together. I can also get away with mostly copying and pasting what I already told her over Skype and simply adjusting it a bit to make it more readable as a blog post and adding some extra details. ww So, let’s get to it!

Coming up with proper combinations for this blog can sometimes be a chore and require a lot of overthinking. However, as the wonderful @miyukiko​ would say, great ideas suddenly come to you sometimes. This had a bit of both. I'll try to skip the uninteresting bits of the creative process, but this is the important part.

Now that we've seen Sakuma in Ares and he's obviously won a lot of... prominence, if you may put it that way, it felt like a good time to take a closer look at him. Sakuma is a forward, and a pretty talented one, at that. When he becomes captain in the Ares timeline, though, his team comes to rely on him on a much deeper level too. Or so it seems, at least. To top it off, his descriptions in the original games say that he helps Kidou and acts as a strategist that coordinates the team. That’s pretty much the base we can build upon.

As a forward, he seems pretty thorough and tries to stay cool and calm, since that's the kind of soccer they play at Teikoku. And, from what we've seen in Ares, as a captain, he worries so much about his team's well-being and about being a good leader for them. You know, the usual "Am I fit to be captain?" thing that IE loves so much. ww

But there's a lot of bad stuff about Sakuma, too.

For one, despite his cool act, when he loses it, he loses it good. We all know how he reacted when he was part of Shin Teikoku and how extremely mad he would get with Kageyama, for example. Also, when he does lose it (and, arguably, even when he’s still somewhat sane), he's very self-destructive.

I think that's somehow linked to his fears: he simply doesn't want to be left alone. He panics when Kidou leaves Teikoku and, again, loses it completely. When his insanity reaches that kind of point, nothing else seems to matter, so he goes all out even if it can cost him his life. Or his legs, at least.

Related to that, and this is much more relevant in terms of sheer gameplay, he is extremely dependent of others.

He's supposed to be some super cool ace striker, but absolutely all of his shots are combo hissatsus no matter what timeline or age you’re looking at. Koutei Penguin 2gou and 3gou, Twin Boost, Death Zone, Deep Jungle... They all need 2-3 people, and, usually, Kidou's involved.

So, tough as it is to say, if Sakuma isn't by Kidou's side, he's subpar. And if he's all alone, he's basically worthless. And to add insult to injury:

He usually depends on people who aren't even forwards to score goals.

He is turned into a defender as an adult because, as I said, he's subpar as a forward if he's alone.

That makes Sakuma a very interesting case: in a universe that is all about the power you get from of your teammates, what he lacks is individuality. ...Especially when you consider that his only motivation to play soccer seems to be to play with Kidou. www

As he is, he's the absolute definition of support character. Pretty sad, if you ask me. (Oh. And many of his in-game hissatsus are very dirty and the referee complains more often than not about them. That counts too. ww)

So, here comes the difficult question: who can give Sakuma the strength, the individuality and, partially, the safety that he needs to be relevant without killing himself? After thinking about it for quite a long time, I felt like he could really use the power of Samus Aran.

(Not to go all BuzzFeed on you guys, but the answer would’ve surprised you if I hadn’t said it from the very beginning. ww)

On a technical level, Samus is strong af. Not only has she survived to and successfully finished every mission she's embarked on (as far as I’m aware), but she's pretty much exterminated full races, DESTROYED PLANETS and killed the same evil pterodactyl alien... thing that wants her dead like 11 times by now.

And what's more: she's done all of this completely alone. (Except maybe for Other M. I haven’t played that game yet, but it looked like there were more people, idk) All in all, she's a beast. But that's not all, of course. There are many heroes who go and do their thing alone. It could've easily been Lara Croft too, for example--at least in the original games.

Sakuma, as I said, seems to be driven by a will to be with Kidou and is very much dependent of other people. And when things go wrong and he loses it, he is... spiteful, to say the least. And I don’t know if you guys were aware of this, but Samus is 120% salt. I read a post about the hatred between Ridley and Samus that when Ridley was announced for Smash and all, but I sadly can’t find it right now. If any of you guys know that post, please let me know and I’ll add the link here because it was SO GOOD.

According to my limited knowledge on the Metroid Series, Samus fights three main things: metroids (you never saw that one coming, I'm sure), space pirates, and Ridley (who is the leader of the space pirates, but is not a space pirate because I, too, would listen to my Evil Pterodactyl Lord if he were to give me orders).

Long story short, the space pirates and Ridley killed Samus’s parents. She was adopted by people from a civilization called the Chozo, but the space pirates killed the Chozo too. And when Samus found a baby metroid that saw her as its mother, the space pirates and Ridley kidnapped the metroid and it eventually died because of them.

Samus doesn't fight for the greater good. Samus fights because she's fucking pissed.

But, unlike Sakuma, she uses that rage against the right people and in the right way: she is still salty as hell, but she stays cool, kicks ass, makes everyone go boom, and she's out. She does what Sakuma does, but better. Even when she's pissed. Oh, and she does things the way they should be done: with legal permission, without turning evil and stuff. And she's super respected and feared because of it, which is precisely what a captain and a forward should be like, respectively.

And the icing on the cake?

In IE3, when Sakuma has levelled up enough, he learns how to use Space Penguin. also, Samus has a visor thing that can replace Sakuma's patch and that sounded cool to me

Anyway, that would be the gist of it! As I said earlier, I’m not the biggest Metroid connoisseur in the world: I’ve only beaten Fusion and Zero Mission, and I’m currently playing Prime and Return of Samus. As such, excuse me if some other game I haven’t played debunks all I’ve said, but I haven’t found any traces of such a thing. ww

However, despite my few experiences with Metroid games, Samus is a character I love and have very fond memories of. This series represent what I love the most about the video game genre: that sense of continuous and hard-earned improvement that only comes from experiences that are constantly giving you new abilities (and even new looks) to reflect your progress. It’s similar to RPGs, a genre I love as well, but RPGs reward you more for personal progress and dedication, such as grinding for levels, and not (usually) so much for just pushing forward and defeating bosses.

Last (and least), for those who have made it this far, here’s a little something you might be interested in knowing: I’ve been inactive here, but I’m still constantly trying hard to come up with interesting ideas for miximaxes! And I think I have found some cool stuff for both Kidou and Shishido, so feel free to tell me on which of those you’d like me to work on next. They’re both very challenging to draw and fiddle with, but I’m always happy to shift my priorities in any way you guys want me to. ww

[lysitheaioandeuropa]

All of the obscure asks!!!

what’s your favorite way to dress?uh, cozy/casual. I wear a lot of dresses bc I fucking hate real pants. yesterday i stepped a little out of my comfort zone and wore a fitted dress and heels, i felt super ugly and had an anxiety atttack LMAO but overall it was nice afterwards

if you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?i’d be skinny lol

what movie/game/etc. helps you calm down?kingdom hearts (any) and horror movies for fun

what does your room smell like?currently the “flannel” bath & body works scent

do you like to organize?absolutely fucking love it, but like depression 

what kind of music would you listen to if you could only choose one?shit this is hard considering i like literally EVERYTHING. but probably reggeaton lmao

what song is your aesthetic?this is also hard? i’m not sure and it definitely depends on the day/my mood

what color do you think goes best with your personality?gray pastels. does that make sense? gray versions of colors are me. I had a bf tell me i only liked dead colors lmao

do you believe in auras?i sure as fuck do i wish i could see them

what do you wish you hated, but actually like?working out and eating healthy lmao

vague about your crush(es)i fucking love her voice

is there someone you have mixed feelings towards?lmfao yeah plenty

talk about an au or story you came up withIN MY AU, DRACO MALFOY DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER OKAY. HE RUNS AWAY TO LIVE WITH HIS MOTHER, THEY LEAVE LUCIUS BEHIND. DRACO IS FUCKING TRAUMATIZED AFTER EVERYTHING LUCIUS PUT HIM THROUGH AND MADE HIM DO, ITS EATS AWAY AT HIM, BUT HE HAS TO WORK THROUGH THE PTSD AND EVERYTHING HE DID WRONG. draco has the worlds greatest redemption arc after zuko. also someone made an au comic where he and harry end up together and it didnt even seem like fanfic it felt so natural. after reading that i feel like my AU needs to have draco reaching out to harry during his redemption arc. like he needs to talk to him he needs someone to turn to. harry at first talks to him in secret bc ron and hermione are assholes still. then he starts inviting him over and making him part of the group and everyone is reluctant at first but they warm up to him. harry and ron are still best friends, but hes so busy dating hermione that draco and harry end up connecting (as friends). ginny probably has issues with it bc she takes it personally (re: chamber of secrets), and maybe that is a driving wedge between them helping lead to their divorce on top of her quidditch playing schedule and harry’s auror job. draco and his wife werent really that great together to begin with anyway. so harry and draco bond over that as well, and well thats we get from my au to the other fanfic i read. i took this and ran lmfao i would love to actually have time to write this out well though. im lowkey talented but havent really had the chance to expand on that. i dont practice my writing or anything enough unfortunately. being an adult be like

do you like makeup?im not good at it, but yes

do you prefer space or the ocean?i doont fuck with either of them bitches. but i am a slut for learning about both. just dont send me there.

if you could pick any planet besides earth, where would you live?jupiter and venus both seem cool, but i would wanna travel to another galaxy

what form of government do you like the most? (capitalism, socialism, etc.)i’m not as informed as i would like to be to make a fully informed decision, but socialism and communism both seem so fucking GREAT in theory but not in practice lmao. fuck capitalism though

what animal would you keep as a pet, if you could?my dog!!!!!!!!! I LOVE SANDRA. also though a fox, or an elephant, AN OTTER. idk i like a lot of animals

what do you think our purpose is in the universe?BITCH!!! I DONT FUCKING KNOW!!! i dont think i have a purpose ultimately and im not sure whats keeping me alive tbh

do you believe in god(s)?i believe in a sort of higher universal power kind of. just not sure

is there a song you can’t handle listening to, even though you like it?anything by russ or j cole lmfao. i hate country. i skip a lot of songs that i cant tolerate tbh so cant give just one lol

what ex do you miss the most, if you have one?im not gonna answer this lmfao. the last two were pretty cool during, not so much after

do you like soft, fluffy blankets or rough/smooth blankets?soft fluffy, but i also love my feather down comforter

what is your favorite thing to learn about?anything! i love learning shit, i end up reading about shit for fun and always “fun facts” up my sleeve 

what country’s history do you find the most interesting?dude anything but ours. american history is really not that great ngl, unless we’re talking native american. 

what do you think about genderbent ____ (insert someone here)i know this was meant to be asked as an individual question but my thoughts on genderbent anything isnt wild tbh. genderbent twilight is fucking stupid though

what breakup was the hardest, if you had one?WOW LMFAO. all of them felt like i was going to die, and no im not being dramatic. i remember each one feeling like i was literally being torn apart, staying in bed for days and weeks on end and just sinking and sinking so low, emotional, mentally, so on and so forth. i dont deal with breakups well

do you have someone where you can’t decide if you like them romantically or just as a friend?not at all, im pretty sure about who i like and how, most of the time. i do try to keep an open mind though

what do you think about tumblr discourse?i dont lmao

what instrument do you wish you could master?I WANT TO LEARN TO PLAY THE FUCKING HARP

how easy is it for you to be honest?entirely way too easy which is why a lot of people hate me lmao

do you have any strange interests?just about all of them lmao. but i think books, anime, and video games are the main ones 

do you have any strange fears?i used to be really scared of the dark but i got over it (recently, lmao). when i was living alone i was irrationally afraid of home invasion lol. im now just scared of like losing my job and shit lol

what food do you binge on when you’re lazy?i dont really have a lot of “binge” food. if im lazy i just snack around, i try to cook and stuff but just depends. im more conscious about binging bc i dont want to feel guilty so if im lazy i might get fast food but something small if that makes sense

when you get angry, how do you show it?OKAY i have actually gotten a lot better at this!!!! i take a few breathes and honestly really sit there and think about it. i try not to lash out or act immediately bc if i do i’ll pop off. so i try to talk through it rationally and assess how i feel before i do anything crazy

do you have any impulsive movements? (twitches, ticks, flapping, etc.)muscle spamsms when i sleep sometimes

what do you listen to music on?everything tbh but mostly my phone

are you left brained or right brained?I would want to say left brained bc im super logical and whatnot, but right brained bc artistic or whatever. maybe i actually use more than 10% unlike everyone else or whatever 

earbuds or headphones?earbuds

do you like light blankets or heavy blankets? light