#literally no shade at all bc i love all three debuts and all of them were amazing none of them were bad

[springblush]

just saw an unpopular opinion abt how la vie en rose was superior to dream girls and energetic like....... sweetie this is why its an unpopular opinion...... i hope whoever sent that in is ok knowing that theyre WRONG!!!

[exciting]

As requested, books / series I read in 2020 in the order I read them, with a few brief thoughts. (This took me a hot second because there are a few and also I moved cities) Should I keep a consistent goodreads? Yes I should but I didn’t think of that at the time, so bone apple teeth & sorry if I offend you abt your faves x

P.S. I can’t figure out how to do a read more on mobile so long post ahead!

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J Maas - This is one of the most vivid published fantasy books I have ever read... I read it twice in rapid succession. The fandom POPS off. I must say I have issues with certain aspects e.g. fae lore completely ignored à la Twilight, all love interests 500+ years old and technically a different species, etc (I’m not going to deconstruct the entire series here but just know that I could... Nesta deserves better)

Cruel Prince by Holly Black - This fucking slaps, HB clearly has done her research, the lore is near immaculate, and it explores the Fae in such a unique way, tying it to the modern world subtly and seamlessly. My only qualm was that the books felt quite short; truly wish there had been more content.

Throne of Glass by Sarah J Maas (6/7) - So basically I read this in one single, hyperfixated fit which meant I literally locked myself in my room for three days straight and read all six books back to back in a row from morning to the wee hours. Which is not to say it was spectacular; although it was a VERY rich world, sometimes it was too much... this felt like 6 stories in one. Ik she was young when she wrote this but it is my humble opinion that SJM needs a better editor & I personally think Rowan is a grade A asshole / straight up abusive (& personally think the ACOTAR Tamlin plot was born from that?). It’s good but not as good as ACOTAR. Skip-read the last book. 

Grishaverse (Shadow and Bone) by Leigh Bardugo (3) - This is essential to read before SOC but was very much simply a YA fantasy book, although the world was cool and the way the love plot played out was, imo, a subtle middle finger to the fantasy trope. Felt very much aimed at younger readers though? Really liked the sandwhich structure of the Proluge and Epilogue, especially in #2

Six of Crows series by Leigh Bardugo (2) - INCREDIBLE continuation of Grishaverse, better than the original series by a mile. It has the range, the diversity, the representation (the male lead is a disabled asexual and still the most cunning of the entire cast of characters), the plot is phenomenal, and it manages such a well rounded plot in only two books which means nothing is stretched out or squeezed in more than need be. Deserves all the praise it gets.

King of Scars series by Leigh Bardugo (0.5/1) - Personally I don’t consider this book canon, and while it’s nice to see the rest of Nina’s journey & the world again & everyone else, I don't like it. I will, however, be reading book 2 when it comes out, so shame on me, I suppose.

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo (1/1) - this was incredibly cool although it went off in a completely different direction than I thought it would based off the first few chapters? One of my favourite YA-author-debuts-New-Adult novels in 2020 though!

Crescent City by Sarah J Maas (1/1) - This was supposed to be SJM/s New Adult debut, although personally I would put her other series in New Adult, and I can’t say a remarkable amount was different with this except they said “fuck” and “ass” a lot. WHY is the romantic interest 500 years old AGAIN. I just... don’t... I just don’t think it was necessary... the world was cool though, and the last half of the book was riveting, but the beginning was quite slow and I thought the sword thing was predictable. I am interested to see where this goes though.

A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab (3) - This world is so fucking cool... four Londons aka parallel universes & the one in ‘our’ world is set in industrial era London. Magic, girls dressing up as boys, thieves, pirates, royalty... it all just slaps. Schwab is an incredible writer & I was completely immersed.

Midnight Sun by SMeyer - I didn’t think anything could possibly detract even further from the Twilight story but I was sorely mistaken... seeing the stalking from Edward’s POV - and it was worse than depicted in Twilight, for the record - completely obliterated any sort of romance the first half of the original book may have portrayed. I still hold the opinion that the entire series would have been better if some kind of vampire lore had been abided by, if only to see all of the villains thwarted by someone dropping a bag of rice on the ground, forcing them to have to count them all.

An ember in the Ash by Sabaa Tahir  (3/4) - This was just a very stereotypical ya fantasy series, emphasis on the YOUNG... it wasn’t anything to write home about but I remember quite enjoying it at the time. 

The Power by Naomi Alderman - This book is FUCKING incredible and EXCEPTIONALLY thought provoking... essentially women alone develop a power of electric shock etc. and then take over the world from men, and it explores feminism and the balance between equality & tipping the scales in the other direction. Written by a friend of M.Atwood in a similar tone to handmaids tale, I would say? Content warning; there are some exceptionally graphic scenes in the latter half of the novel. 

Hamlet by Wllm Shksp - I can’t believe it took me this long to finally read it but Ophelia is my favourite name in the entire world & we love to see a woman go batshit (although she didn’t deserve that). 

Catherine House by Elisabeth Thomas - this was unsettling in the best sense of the word... it was a little slow & honestly more of a concept than a big reveal, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it after I finished it? A Secret History vibes but make it blurry like the memory of all those dystopian novels you read when you were young?

The Invisible Life of Addie La Rue by V.E. Schwab - This is without a doubt my book of the year, and probably the best book I read in 2020? I stayed up all night on a friend’s couch reading it, got a book hangover and reread the ending, and then thrust it upon my mother who doesn’t usually read but read this, and loved it just as much. HIGHLY recommend and you HAVE to read it, it’s beautiful and endearing and just plain wonderful.

Captive Prince by C.S. Pacat (3/3) - I went into this knowing it was going to be terrible, because I had received a blow by blow telling me as much; although I must say that it did learn a remarkable amount of new words, the books did get better as the series went on, and it did have a rather charming ending? BIG content warning for almost everything.

Sapiens by Yuval Harari - mind-expanding & must recommend for everyone, there is everything in this and I daresay everyone should posses this kind of knowledge? I listened to it as an audiobook (which I recommend because it’s rather hearty) but will be buying this in hardcopy & rereading it with annotations. 

Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller - Without a doubt, one of the most beautiful novels I have ever read, and certainly the most beautiful portrayal of the story of Achilles and the battle of Troy I have ever seen. Patroclus deserved the justice that was given to him in this book; indeed, all of the characters were written with justice and grace. Highly recommend.

Trials of Apollo by Rick Riordan (3/5) - Apollo is my favourite Greek God, and the sexiest greek god, and Rick Riordan’s writing slaps, as always. It did pain me to see Apollo, the sexy immortal, have to be forced back into a 16 year old’s body but everything else? Whimsical & wonderful, as expected. 

These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong - a retelling of Romeo and Juliette, except it’s set in Shanghai in the 1920′s, and the protagonists already have a history. Very well done, characters are incredibly diverse in race, sexual orientation, gender, and ability / disability (and honestly, representation has never appeared so effortless and elegant). Also it includes a monster and possible magic. Incredibly underrated and highly recommend.

The Once and Future Witches by Alix. E Harrow - this was such a unique concept, and truly captivating, the story was charming, and felt like the kind of beautiful fairytale you would read as children but with more grit? ABSOLUTELY recommend this one

The Pisces by Melissa Broder - I hated this so much, not my vibe at all. Mermaid smut x therapy but make it cynical and judgemental (I know there was a moral in there but that’s not my point) also the dog dies.

Library of the Unwritten by A.J. Hackwith (1/2) - really interesting & unique concept (all unwritten novels / ideas reside in a special library that is part of Hell and then sometimes the books can come to life) however, my first thought upon reading this was “this reads as if it’s stemmed from one of those writing prompt tumblr posts” bc of the tone and whatever and as it turns out I was somewhat correct, it did stem from a short story (not bad just obvious). It did kind of settle down as it went on but I found reading it kind of a drag, and I don’t think I will read the second one.

Abandon by Meg Cabot - 1. Meg Cabot’s writing always fucking slaps 2. Hades and Persephone but make it modern & very 2000′s & somehow kind of unique 3. I literally loved this, sue me

Medusa Girls (Sweet Venom) by Tera Childs - Like Percy Jackson except they are descendants of Medusa so they are Gorgons and have fangs & venom (hence the title). Gave me very 2000′s vibes? Quite cool but tbh I found the books quite short (like two hours each, if that)? Do NOT read the GoodReads description of the book before you read it, you will spoil it for yourself.

Bring me their Hearts by Sara Wolf - In my opinion, this is one of the most underrated YA series I read in 2020. The heroine is endearing, self aware, witty, and loves to look pretty even while kicking ass which in my opinion is an incredibly underrated trait. Also, immortality without being hundreds of years old? VERY sexy. HIGHLY recommend. 

A Deal with the Elf King by Elise Kova - High commendation to be given for the fact that it is a standalone and yet manages to fit in the plot of what would usually be a full fantasy trilogy without cutting corners or being a million miles long? Also sweet storyline & beautiful ending? If you liked ACOTAR you should read this as a “what would have / could have been had SJM had a different editor” (No shade I promise).

The Iron Fae by Julie Kagawa (4/4 + novellas) - Incredibly detailed faerie set around the modern world & our current use of technology & iron in it. Very neat adventure-style series, by the time I read the last novella I was well and truly done with the world (aka provided enough content to be fulfilling). Was definitely aimed at a younger audience though, NO smut / smut was brushed over.

The Modern Faerie Tales by Holly Black (3/3 SS) - This is technically the prequel to Cruel prince, set in the modern world, but with the fae world inside it as it traditional? All I have to say is that it is excellent & I highly recommend it.

Bridgerton series (The Duke and I) by Julia Quinn (9/9) - I read this after watching the Netflix show twice through and I am obsessed, although the books were not quite as elegant as the show, and some parts that made me cringe either by their portrayal (it is very firmly set in the 19th century and thus some things are not handled with tact or grace), the characters were exceptionally loveable and I am so excited to see where the show takes them! Lovely language & an abundance of words I had never seen before (always a plus). 

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

[notjanine]

2020 in books!

the only kind of new year’s resolution i made as a naive baby last january was to try to read 40 books for the year. (i read 37 in 2019, for context.) well, with all of my commuting time eliminated and an increased need for immersive escapism, i ended up surpassing that goal three times over lmao (thanks library ebooks!)

idk how to summarize my year in books in a way that makes sense but

(f) = fiction, (nf) = nonfiction, (p) = poetry.

books that rewired my fucking brain:

braiding sweetgrass by robin wall kimmerer (nf)- GOD?!?!?! good. dr. k is right. ostensibly a book about plants, but actually a book about shut up and go outside. consumerism and capitalism are doing their damnedest to fuck you up, but you can just choose to value different things. take care of yourself by taking care of your environment. etc etc.

wasp by richard jones (nf)- lissen. when i got this book, my wasp-phobia was so severe that i had to put it away face down on a high shelf because there are wasps on the cover and i couldn’t bear to RISK even GLIMPSING them. now i am like... a wasp evangelist. (also due to the bugs 101 course on coursera it’s so good.)

wag by zazie todd (nf)- i have a dog, but i am NOT a Dog Person (i.e. i love my dog, but please keep yours away from me, thanks.) this book helped me understand my little guy better, plus it gives actionable tasks and activities to do with and for your pup! plus, y’know, learning about things you’re scared of helps to lessen that fear. i’d recommend this to anyone who has, wants, or regularly interacts with a dog.

a closed and common orbit by becky chambers (f)- is this series complete fluff? absolutely. am i fundamentally different after reading this one? maybe.

the best we could do by thi bui (nf)- this is so far outside of my personal experience but somehow still made me come to peace with my relationship with my mom?? and it’s barely even about that?? idk. this is probably objectively the best book i’ve read this year.

books that were just fun as hell:

mexican gothic by silvia moreno-garcia (f)- this book made me YELL out loud

death on the nile by agatha christie (f)- i grew up on agatha christie shows, but never actually read her before this year! she really was That Bitch. read this before the movie comes out

cosmoknights by hannah templer (f)- i read this in one sitting through the worst headache i’ve had in years. it is a goddamn DELIGHT. this book has everything: spaceships. mech suits. fighting the patriarchy. a perfect otp. fun art in bright colors with clean lines. onomatopoetic WAPs from before the song gave that hilarious context. 800 lesbians. this is an antidepressant in graphic novel form.

stiff by mary roach (nf)- ms. roach is like the 4th most represented author on my bookshelf because she 1. stays writing about shit i’m interested in and 2. manages to talk about gross and ridiculous things without resorting to sensationalism. it takes skill to write a hilarious book about corpses.

black sun by rebecca roanhorse (f)- excellent sexual tension between a horny siren pirate and a hot doomed... monk, kinda? set in the pre-columbian gulf of mexico with magic and shit.

cuisine chinoise by zao dao (? n/f)- this graphic novel about chinese food history/mythology is BEAUTIFUL.

the color of magic by terry pratchett (f)- you’d think a hardcore douglas adams stan would have gotten to this sooner, but no, i had to date a nerdy white boy to get here. it’s fun though! i’m not gonna read them all, but this one was good. bonus: contains one (1) great himbo.

gideon the ninth by tamsyn muir (f)- like 500 pages of action and mystery and jokes and space necromancy. harrow the ninth gets a special mention bc it has a meme reference that took me out so hard i had to close the book, lie down, and groan for an entire minute before continuing.

other minds by peter godfrey-smith (nf)- i love octopuses. on one tma bonus ep, jonny sims says that if a creature can choose to do evil, then it’s a Person. octopuses are People. but anyway frfr this has an explanation of the evolution of consciousness that is cool af. (this one is much better than the other recent popsci octo book which i will not name out of politeness.)

the perfect predator by steffanie strathdee and thomas patterson (nf)- i read this bc my microbiology prof recommended it and it’s cool as heck! it’s got adventure, drama, mystery, Science-with-a-capital-S. i’m biased bc i’m a bit of a microbes nerd, but i had a blast with this. (but only bc we know going in that everything works out okay; if i hadn’t known that, i would have been TOO stressed!)

books that were a little less fun but still very readable:

my sister, the serial killer by oyinkan braithwaite (f)- i couldn’t find this as funny as other people bc i, too, have a beautiful sister who’s an insufferable narcissist, so it hits a little too close to home, but. it is a wild ride.

piranesi by susanna clarke (f)- idek what to say! i went into this one blind just bc it had a cool cover and title, so i guess i’d recommend that for other people too.

the sixth world series by rebecca roanhorse (f)- monster hunting! a post-apocalyptic take that doesn’t feel tired.

the shades of magic trilogy by v.e. schwab (f)- easy escapism. some ideas feel a little first draft-y, but idk, it’s also a pretty simple premise (which isn’t a bad thing). it’s a decent urban fantasy set in ~georgian?-era london. very actiony. suffers from a bit of i’m-not-like-other-girls disease, but i didn’t even notice until book two or three, so.

the only good indians by stephen graham jones (f)- starts off a little ??? (and reeks of being Written By A Man) but picks up. the pacing’s great and there’s just a super fucking cool monster.

robopocalypse by daniel h. wilson (f)- this reads like a tv miniseries so much that i can’t believe it isn’t one yet.

confessions of the fox by jordy rosenberg (f)- not my usual cup of tea, fiction-wise, but still compelling. a fresh take on the white-male-english-professor-self-insert? but not insufferable. gets weird!

spinning silver by naomi novik (f)- rumplestilstkin, but make it interesting! a great, richly-told fairy tale, but like, large scale. good to read on a cold day while you’re wrapped up in a blanket with some hot tea.

interior chinatown by charles yu (f)- compulsively readable. a couple things bugged me, but not enough to make me dislike it. a fun companion piece to how to live safely in a science fictional universe. i like this guy’s style.

cannibalism by bill schutt (nf)- COOL. mostly covers the animal kingdom (fun), spends too much time on the donner party (less fun), ends with a SPICY take on prions that i cannot get out of my head!!!

buzz, sting, bite by anne sverdrup-thygeson (nf)- BUGS! broad but not overwhelming, neither dumbed down nor overly scientific, short enough to finish in a day or two. recommend this to literally everyone.

books that made me want to read everything else in the author’s ouevre:

the time invariance of snow by e. lily yu (f)- this FUCKS but it’s too short!!!

an unkindness of ghosts by rivers solomon (f)- okay this book is SO good and so well-written and interesting and blah blah blah all the good things, but... the whole time, i was just like?? why???? why is this what you’re choosing to write about??? (i did also read the deep and blood is another word for hunger after this one, and i did like them both, especially the latter, but i think they can do better! like i think they could write a perfect book and i am gonna be *eyes emoji* until then.)

the space between worlds by micaiah johnson (f)- a fine debut novel, but i want to see her do something a little more... idk, refined? i think she overreaches here, like it’s a little... idk looper? this is how you lose the time war? there’s a better comparison, but i can’t think of it, but you get the idea. and then halfway through it shifts gears to mad max. there’s something weird about one of the central relationships, like it’s not complex enough to take as long to resolve as it does. idk idk. there are just a lot of little nitpicky things. it’s not bad! but i think she can do better and i look forward to finding out.

postcolonial love poem by natalie diaz (p)- thinky! like i tried to read this before bed, but it’s not the sort of thing to parse out while you’re falling asleep, it requires more attention than that.

books that Learned Me Somethin:

smoke gets in your eyes by caitlin doughty (nf)- i am a self-professed death obsessed weirdo, fascinated by death and mourning, but i didn’t know all that much about what happens to a body between the dying and the funeral! this book isn’t big, but it covers a lot and doughty’s writing style is engaging and honest. it’s very memorable.

queer by meg-john barker and julia scheele (nf)- i’m gonna be totally honest and say Queer Theory is above my intellectual pay grade, but this book takes you by the hand and explains the basics.

vitamania by catherine price (nf)- LMAO my fellow americans, never take a supplement. this book is great and well-researched, but normal folks don’t need to read it, just listen to season two of the dream podcast, which definitely cribbed from this.

vegetable kingdom by bryant terry (nf)- this is a fine cookbook, my favorite of his that i’ve read so far. gets a special mention bc i had a religious experience just reading one of his kohlrabi recipes. absolutely gutted that i didn’t have an opportunity to try it this year, since the pandemic put the kibosh on all family bbqs.

the best american food writing 2020 edited by j. kenji lopez-alt (nf)- this really is just a great collection.

are prisons obsolete? by angela y. davis (nf)- yes.

i moved to los angeles to work in animation by natalie nourigat (nf)- before reading this, i had basically zero knowledge of how the animation industry works. now i know like three things.

the secret lives of bats by merlin tuttle (nf)- BATS! okay this book is more about the adventures of being a bat scientist than it actually is about bats, but there are bats in there. insectivorous bats basically shit glitter, you should know this.

books from valuable perspectives:

hood feminism by mikki kendall (nf)- a breakdown of who’s getting left out of feminist spaces, why that’s happening, and why it shouldn’t be happening.

all you can ever know by nicole chung (nf)- a (transracial) adoptee’s take on adoption and learning more about her birth family. the personal storytelling of this one really stuck with me.

motherhood so white by nefertiti austin (nf)- a single-mom-by-choice’s take on the foster system/adoption process. walks you through some things i always wondered about and some things i wouldn’t even have thought about.

this place by kateri akiwenzie-damm et al (? n/f)- i, like a lot of non- native americans, only know that history in broad strokes. getting this many highly specific stories in one dense and beautiful book felt like a lucky find. and taking that perspective into the future in the context of that history is v good.

empty by susan burton (nf)- eating disorder stories are important to me bc i care about food so much. this one is so relatable- not in its specificity, but rather its generality. it’s easy to empathize with her perspective because it’s like, Oh, i don’t have that exact problem, but i struggle with different problems in a very similar way. (feels like the opposite of roxane gay’s hunger, in a way.)

obit by victoria chang (p)- this exploration of grief is... woof.

short story collections are hard to evaluate bc you’ll never read one where every single story hits but i generally enjoyed these:

a thousand beginnings and endings edited by ellen oh and elsie chapman (f)

how long til black future month? by n.k. jemisin (f)

her body and other parties by carmen maria machado (f)

books i revisited:

the broken earth trilogy by n.k. jemisin (f)- i read the series backwards this time and like... i can’t really find any faults in these books, man. they’re just the best.

everyone’s a aliebn when ur a aliebn too by jomny sun (f... but is it really?)- half of this book’s sales are from me buying it for other people bc it’s the only way i know how to say i love you. i reread it every time just to make sure it still feels right and it always does.

other honorable mentions:

white is for witching by helen oyeyemi (f)- not to pit two bad bitches against each other, but this book does what akwaeke emezi’s freshwater was trying to do. it’s a little weird, a little haunted, a little of a lot of things. read this only in the dead of winter. (and with stephen rennicks’ score for the little stranger playing in the background.)

homie by danez smith (p)- there’s a lot going on here, but this just made me crack a smile a couple times in a way that no other book of poetry has ever done.

the murder of roger ackroyd and murder in mesopotamia by agatha christie (f)- That Bitch!

blues by nikki giovanni (p)- she sure has some Things To Say

the three-body problem by cixin liu (f)- interesting concepts, but... idk something’s missing? felt weirdly soulless to me. i’m probably not gonna read the sequels. but it did make some points!

the sisters of the winter wood by rena rossner (f)- i’m a slut for shapeshifting, okay. but this is a good fairy tale, it works!

parable of the sower by octavia butler (f)- i read this in march, when the pandemic was just kicking off and boy that was not the right time. def my least favorite of hers so far, but an octavia butler i don’t love is still better than a hell of a lot of other books. no idea when or if i’ll get to a good enough headspace for the sequel.

faves:

saturnino herrán by adriana zapett tapia (nf)- i got to learn new things about my mans and see some of his paintings i’ve never even seen online! GOSH.

on food and cooking by harold mcgee (nf)- yeah yeah, i’ve already mentioned this book half a dozen times on here this year, but i don’t care. this book lives off the shelf in my home bc i reference it like every other fucking day. this book is a part of me now.

[lottabank]

name: evelyn charlotte banks nicknames: charlotte , lottie , lott , char , charlie , charmander , etc. but she no longer goes by evelyn in this lifetime age: twenty three physically , sixty seven biologically sexuality: panromantic / sexual pronouns: she / her , cisfemale  species: vampire sign: gemini spotify: here pinterest: here

hello moon beams and star shines , this is late but i’ve just been busy with work ! i’ve got the time to try and finish stuff now , so i’m gonna work on trying to do my daughter’s intro. if you’d like to plot feel free to hmu via tumblr im or ask for my discord bc i’ll gladly give it. i also play rune ( shadow graced human ) so yeah it’s snottie back at it again , anything you want to know about me or lottie alike hmu or just read below to find out more about my sweet serial killer vamp princess

── the high council is prepared to hear the story of EVELYN CHARLOTTE ‘ LOTTIE ‘ BANKS , a VAMPIRE while noted as a WANDERER. we might of mistaken them as MADELAINE PETSCH. appearances may be deceiving, with immortality being so common among supernaturals. this being has walked the earth for NINETY years, and their face reflects an age of TWENTY THREE they’re a CITIZEN of estonia and will be residing in TALLIN.

during their stay of the harvest they shall work by day as a STRIPPER to blend in with the mortal crowd. however, at night you might find them as AN ESCORT / ASSASSIN. they’re UNHAPPY about the harvest, however, they plan to please the high council.

PERSONALITY.

vampire beauty queen , primadonna , self-proclaimed princess. this darling girl has always loved attention , luxury , all things beautiful and transitioning to the darkness only heightened that love. so much so that she will do just about anything to satisfy her own wants or needs. lottie is ruthless , verging on sociopathic. she is delicate , but she is dangerous. she is by no means unfeeling though , nor incapable of love. she can be sweet , she can be soft , she can be pink cheeks and bright smiles just as she can be bloody lips and deranged laughter. she is genuinely kind , loving and gentle unless your death would make her happier than your being alive.  

ruling planet: mercury — the planet of communication body parts: shoulders , arms , hands element: air good day: fascinating , original , resourceful , charming , wise , adventurous bad day: restless , distracted , two-faced , judgmental , depressed , overwhelmed favorite things: cell phones , fast cars , trendy clothes , obscure music , guitars , books , clubbing least favorite things: small-minded people , dress codes , authority figures , silence , routines secret wish: to have all the answers how to spot her: mischievous twinkle in her eyes,  humming , talking with her hands where you’ll find her: taking pictures , behind the bar , in a chat room , playing devil’s advocate keywords: communication , collaboration , synergy , cleverness , wittiness , inventiveness ,  ingenuity

charlotte’s energy circulates in a quick and frenetic way , witty wordplay and dynamic dialogue are her forte. she is great for brainstorming and socializing , but craves “ twin flame ” and kindred spirit energy and is always up for an intellectual meeting of the minds. 

under the influence she can find herself with the gift of gab , talking and conversing with others for hours hopping from pop culture trends to deep political topics. beware of when she becomes a “ gossip girl , ” as she can crank up the rumor mill. as renowned dr. bernie siegel says , “ we have the ability to cure with either ‘ words ’ or kill with ‘ swords. ' ” 

the essence of charlie’s energy is fascinating , original , resourceful , charming , wise , and adventurous. some negative manifestations can devolve into more restless , distracted , two-faced , judgmental , depressed , and overwhelmed energy. 

lottie has a tendency to ride the roller coaster of life , spiraling skywards one minute and plunging into lows the next. if you can keep up with her vibes though , you’ll have one hell of a thrill !

charlotte exhibits great creative synergy , instantly connecting people to each other. always inclined to spend time with friends and focused on changing the world one idea at a time.

a little bit older and wiser , more flexible and comfortable with change than others. she can “ chameleon ” herself to fit into a variety of situations. 

can come across as clever and quick-witted , eager to dish out the juiciest pieces of news and happenings to their friends via text message and social media. in case that’s not enough , she’ll probably send you a snapchat story for good measure.

lottie loves fast cars , trendy clothes and any wacky gadgets or games they can tinker around with. part of the fun ( and curse ) of this fiery red head is that you’re never quite sure which personality you’re going to experience. will it be the vivacious , pun-dishing jokester or the snarky , mean-spirited critic ? if you’re willing to see fifty shades of crazy , she’ll color your life in thrilling ways !

BACKGROUND.

evelyn charlotte banks was born june fourth , 1930 and was given the dark gift in the early fifties ( so you’ll definitely notice some call backs to that time period ). she has grown and developed and adapted throughout time better than most , but you can take the sock hop away from the girl but not out of her. she remembers her life before , but doesn’t dwell on nor even really miss it.

she grew up in your rather classic straight lace upper middle class suburban family and community with her perfect nuclear family. the town they lived in was small , close knit , and everyone knew everyone but especially who evelyn’s family was. 

she was in a lot of pageants growing up and was even platinum blonde for most of her human life , because she was so afraid her red hair would keep her from being successful.

when she was eighteen years old with big shiny dreams of silver screens , luxury , and eyes all on her was all she could think of. she left her family and their small generational hometown in georgia for bigger , better things in none other than hollywood. 

she was on her way ,  so desperate to be in the movies and be like marilyn monroe but shortly after is when she became ensnared by darkness and evil.  she wasn’t very successful at all in the beginning so , she started wearing tighter , shinier outfits when she was on stage when suddenly she started getting actual recognition. 

she wasn’t acting like she had intended , but it turned out her voice was good enough to land her plenty of lounge singing gigs in multiple joints. it was one particularly dark , seedy , dangerous joint that only opened once the sun set completely and closed upon the sun rise that she finally started to get propositioned to do so-called ‘ film gigs. it was also in this place where she met him for the first time. 

( tw: cult ment. ) her maker is very old and before she ever knew he was anything more than a handsome older gentleman she was fully under his control. he was something of a cult leader who for the most part glamoured his ‘ followers ‘ , but that was never necessary with charlotte. she was thoroughly and completely in love with her maker , she even ‘ married ‘ him and lived on his compound.

( tw: rape ment. , assault ment. ) it wouldn’t be for a few more years that he would finally turn her ,and only after he found her brutally beaten and raped for nothing more than a snuff film. her maker found her on the verge of death and wasted no time in saving her life by bestowing his dark gift upon her. 

( tw: murder ment. ) to say that lottie felt indebted to and fell in love with her maker to the point of obsession was an understatement , she would do anything and everything he asked of her including murder not in the name of feeding.

( tw: death ment. ) the films she was in were kept in the dark underbelly of the industry and no one was none the wiser , not to mention everyone thought she was dead after her last film.

so , she eventually did make her debut in film and was even on the silver screen finally. this only lasted for as long as she could get away with not aging before eventually she disappeared off the radar with her maker. the two traveled far and wide for a long time , but eventually went their separate ways even though lottie wanted nothing of the sort her maker commanded she live her own life without him now.

( tw: murder ment. ) she has since become something of a murderer ?? she prefers to call herself an assassin but it’s rare anyone actually pays her to murder anyone. you could even call her  a serial killer if you take into account that her victims are almost always men of the unsavory variety , but she has two sides to her personality and it’s not like she’s full maniac.

ETC.

if you know what yandere means she fits that description very well , and if you don’t know what it means well:  a common term in otaku fandom , a yandere is a person ( usually female ) romantically obsessed with someone to the point of using violent means to get them in their arms. often can be seen featured with a sharp weapon and a psychotic grin.

pretty much she comes off as this sweet , lovely , beautiful woman with lots of talent but in reality she can switch that off in an instant and literally kill you without any hesitation if it benefits her or someone she loves.

anyway she has been in estonia for only a bit now , but how long is flexible. she probably likes the scenery and the supernatural presence , but she’s honestly not a country mouse at all. 

also not that she needs money , but there is very little she loves more than attention and money. she works at a club as live entertainment on occasion , singing or stripping or bartending or occasionally doing , mostly for the attention but also if she’s in need of money.

[thewickedverkaiking]

DEH Recap 25 July 2018 (Stephen's Debut!)

I JUST FOUND THIS IN MY DRAFTS AND REALIZED I NEVER POSTED ABOUT MY FIRST EVER BROADWAY MUSICAL WHAT THE FUCK IM A DUMBASS

anyway here's my recap of deh when i went to see it on broadway back in fucking july of last year

ACT 1

we were towards the back of the theatre but the music box is so small we honestly had a great view of both the stage and the band!!

stephen was such a cute evan, he was really anxious but a little more optimistic than ben platt

the opening monologue was so fast omg 

it might just have been me but it seemed like rachel’s mic was turned a little low especially in comparison to evan. it sounds fine in the audio but i had a *little* trouble hearing one or two of her lines in the theatre. it might have been acoustics idk

heidi is so painfully optimistic it hurts my heart

alex’s connor literally does not give a fuck. mike’s connor came across as a kid who had too many emotions he didn’t know how to deal with; alex’s connor is just flat out apathetic

jlt’s cynthia seems a little sterner/reprimanding compared to the earlier boots i’ve seen so that’s an interesting change

at the “he’s not high” part alex had a really creepy smile on his face and then he stalked so defiantly offstage

olivia’s zoe was colder than i expected; her zoe is a little more similar to laura’s 

phoenix’s alana—bless her heart, she was so earnest and adorable 

when jared said that line about zoe’s instagram, stephen was so distressed he spun in an entire circle to make sure no one was listening it was hilarious

sky is really funny but i feel like will is much funnier in terms of comedic timing? like sky’s jared is still an asshole but will’s jared is like. Major Asshole™

there was this mixed groan + laugh throughout the audience during the school shooter line

waving through a window was gorgeous i’m not ashamed to admit that was when i started crying

‘evan right?’ ‘eVAN!!’ and he was so horrified he covered his mouth with both hands

during the jazz band part my mom was like “he’s so nerdy” lmao

the staging and choreo of wtaw is so fucking powerful i love it i love it i love it so much

evan’s desperation during the letter scene was so painfully acute and real and he started crying during ‘i wish everything was different’ 

i’ve always liked the letter scene/wtaw reprise but i never expected to cry so hard during it

alex said the line ’you fell out of a tree? well, that is just the saddest fucking thing i ever heard’ like, completely monotonous 

‘because there’s zoe’; my mom next to me: ‘oh no’

the only time real!connor ever showed emotion was when he yelled at evan at the end of the lab scene he was completely apathetic anywhere else 

asa somer’s larry is a little less stoic than michael park’s 

evan’s head nod at the dinner table was so exaggerated it was like he was going to nod his head off lmao

righ after evan said “i remember a lot of good things about connor” his face was instantly like ‘oh shit’

for forever never used to be a favorite song of mine until now bc wow it was so pure and earnest and heartbreaking 

‘girls we wish would notice us’ he looked at zoe and then whipped his face away so quick

the absolute sass and shade heidi throws about evan’s stepmother lmao

ALRIGHT!! IT SAYS CONNOR!!! ON YOUR CAST!!!!

honestly evan talks to heidi like he’s just…trying to placate her and wait until she’s gone; like he doesn’t really care about what she’s trying to say and it breaks my heart :((

fake connor is so much more animated than real connor alex really shows the difference between the two 

the nipples pose was the most Fucking Cursed thing i’ve ever seen in my life 

sky laughed so hard at ‘im sending pictures of the most amazing trees’

alex does the ‘not because we’re gay’ line quite differently from mike; alex’s one is like ‘no of course not we’re not gay!!’

connor and evan high-fived

jared actually never touches them when during the sincerely me dance, it’s like he’s trying to participate but can’t and idk i think that was a really genius blocking move

when evan left the murphy after giving them the emails he made a huge berth around zoe 

requiem fucked me up!! when cynthia was sitting on connor’s bed and hugging his pillow to her chest i couldn’t take it i started sobbing

olivia’s voice is so lilting and pretty, but she hit ‘monster’ really harsh and then broke down crying 

the transition from heidi not being able to do taco tuesday and evan going for dinner at the murphys is just genius that’s all

evan freaked out so bad when he said ‘you’ve never been poor then’ and olivia was so deadpan the whole time it was great

evan’s so in love with zoe during if i could tell her it was adorable and tender and sweet

i think zoe genuinely wanted to know what connor thought about her, she just didn’t want to show it 

he didn’t freak out that much after ‘really pretty—er, good�� but when zoe asked ‘he did?’ he made this really frustrated ARGH noise which was so funny

zoe really was just drinking in everything evan said, which was beautiful and heartbreaking

stephen's voice wavered a little on the last 'i love you' which was kind of funny

phoenix's comedic timing as alana is really great which kind of surprising.  i didn't expect alana to be so funny even with all her intensity and earnestness

anyway, disappear was really cool because alex and stephen are almost the same height? and from the back of the theatre they look p similar in terms of build and all that, so the way the scene was blocked made it look like good angel/bad angel which was just so neat!

the scene where cynthia gave evan connor's tie just broke my heart ouch

the part where evan screws up his speech just before ywbf is honestly so painful to watch because of how accurate it is

stephen is such a great actor his horror and fear and shame is all so palpable

he was just lying there on the ground and sobbing

you will be found was glorious the whole stage was lit up and all the projections were screaming

cynthia's "you did" was just so excited and joyful her smile was so infectious 

baby alex was really adorable i die

when zoe appeared on her bed with the blue light washing over her she looked so alone and so sad i just wanted to run up to her and give her a hug

when larry broke down and cynthia hugged him i wanted to cry

the whole scene and song was just so powerful and the lights and projections and blocking all just tie in so so well

actually that applies for the whole show lmao

ACT 2

evan really brushes off jared after the sincerely me reprise and sky really plays up jared's hurt and ouch

honestly evan's fights with heidi in act 2 are so painful because evan's just getting colder and drifting away and you can tell how frantic and heartbroken heidi is

ngl i don't really like the line about evan not taking his refills and how his anxiety is okay but idk 

'so, you and zoe' 'this glove's really cool wOW' lmfao

ugh, to break in a glove was so heartbreaking guys larry really cared  about connor okay?

asa's larry seems less stoic than michael's and you really see how much he likes evan and he's not afraid to show that affection

"in three hours!" evan's growl was so cute and adorable

he was like yelling and freaking out so bad over the breakup part and then he went 'thank you' in the smallest most embarrassed voice 

only us was pure and wholesome and i couldn't help but think throughout that entire song that wow zoe is amazing and i really want her as my girlfriend

also olivia puckett's voice is really smooth and gorgeous

and evan's really confident in only us which is just such a sweet thing to see 

alana was really fucking pissed at evan wow 

and jared is just flatout apathetic and unsympathetic while evan freaks out

heidi's so shy at the murphys she's adorable

"he's got his own toothbrush" my mom laughed out loud at that line lmao

larry went over to evan when he was curled up on the chair and  kinda like, nudged his shoulders and lower back to get him to sit up straight it was so funny

you can see how mortified heidi is and evan just KNOWS he's going to die once they get home

ngl heidi IS terrifying once they get home 

evan really doesn't hold back with his barbs holy shit 

good for you!! rockstar heidi!! rbj just strutted out like a fucking model!! i love her so much!!

i love this song so much the lighting was amazing and the music was like. shaking the theatre 

same thing for the ywbf reprise

it's so haunting and terrifying and you can just Sense how evan and the murphys feel everything falling apart

stephen's acting during words fail. holy shit. i thought no one could top ben platt's words fail? but i have to say stephen probably gave my favorite performance of the song ever

i've never been so emotionally shaken by a song before, i was sobbing so hard and i need to say that that scene alone was worth the entire price of the ticket. 

so big/so small was so soft and heartbreaking. evan just collapsed into heidi's arms

stephen's kinda lanky and it was really funny seeing rbj trying to half-hug/half-carry him on the couch

i didn't cry as hard during that song because i think i ran out of tears after words fail

when the scrim is pulled back and everything turns blue?? so bright? so emotional so beautiful

all those plants rising up from the ground

the ending was so satisfying oh my god i have never seen a better musical

STAGEDOOR

it was my first broadway stagedoor and we got out asap after the show ended but holy shit there were so many people

it was drizzling just a little bit so some people left before the actors came out

the most annoying thing is when there are people going in and out of the theatre and the stagedoor keeps opening and closing and you're just on an emotional rollercoaster bc you think the cast is coming out >:)

april lavalle (alex's girlfriend)  stuck her head out of the door to look around at one point! alex didn't come out tho :((

asa was the first to come out!

he was so sweet, i asked him to sign a playbill for my friend sarah and he was like 'do you want me to write her name?' and i was like 'yes!' and he drew a little heart next to it was so sweet omg

sky was the next one out and i told him he was really funny and he was like !! thank you and i almost died 

stephen was the last one to come out and sky got really excited and yelled 'this is his first stagedoor' and everyone cheered for him

he was really shy at first and didn't want to take pictures

but he and asa and sky took a selfie! i couldn't get in but i got a photo of them taking it and omg i would die for this cast that's all

when stephen signed my playbill im pretty sure i told him something along the lines about him being fantastic and i was so happy to have seen him and he smiled this cute dorky grin and said thank you and i died a little inside

down the line he agreed to take some selfies 

and then the security guard told us that that was everyone 

i was really hoping to see olivia but it's okay!! it was such an amazing incredible wonderful experience

oh and apparently my parents were waiting off to the side of the stagedoor crowd and my mom said asa waved to them as he left the theatre?!?!?!

also she saw phoenix leave

and yeah that's basically what happened

i'm still pinching myself wtf

im sorry this post was so long i have a lot to say

this is also lowkey for me to look back on next time and so i wont forget what happened

:))

pictures

[durifmdarchived]

guess who’s back,, back again. ah yes, it is, once again, anthony! i decided that i really needed to revive my entire smol son, duri. just this time around, he’s older, and in the form of one of the lomls, choi minho! oh and also now the main vocalist 1 of knight (because c’mon, my ass is so in love with exo like when i was still high after my colonoscopy on friday, i told my family i was gonna go home and listen to exo,, so now we know who fully owns my entire ass.)  anyways ! we’re going to move on from that and get right until it! here is duri’s biography, profile, and plots! 

just a friendly reminder that under the cut, there will be mentions of post-traumatic stress disorder, car accident, parental death, and anxiety! any bullet point that deals with any four of these topics will have the tw at the beginning! 

duri was born on december 25th 1990 to two young college students, oh jangmi & park seah, in incheon, south korea. even though they did something rather irresponsible, the two of them were still very responsible and were going to work so hard on taking care of little duri. 

he spent a lot of time with grandparents since the both of his parents will still college students and they wanted his parents to be able to get their degrees. which of course, the two would later do; seah in business and jangmi in pharmacy. 

 when he was three years of age, his parents wed in a beautiful spring ceremony. there’s a bunch of pictures of him looking cute as heck at the wedding. but, he doesn’t really remember it, he only has the pictures. 

he was honestly... the cutest little child who was just so happy and energetic, always respectable of people. he would easily melt your heart honestly.

TW: CAR ACCIDENT & PARENTAL DEATH; when he was five years old, his life took a turn for the complete worst. one spring morning, when the remaining of winter was still hanging on, and on his way to school; himself and his family would be involved in a car accident. his mother died instantly with the impact, while his father died sometime after. duri would later wake up in hospital; remembering every detail that happened with the car accident, as well as remembering his family members, but his memories before than would sit as a blur in his mind,  and he would be haunted by this accident for the rest of his life, most likely.

was sent to live with his uncle, minho, and his aunt, taekjo, in seoul. they own a really popular cafe and it’s literally come to age a lot; i’m thinking they live and work somewhere in itaewon. the two took really good care of duri, as if he was their very own son (minho and taekjo couldn’t have any children because taekjo is unable to bare children) basically he was born through their hearts. they taught him happiness, the wonders of the world, and everything else in between.

he really only considers incheon his birth place and not really a hometown due to the bad memories that linger there. he considers seoul to be his hometown due to living in seoul the longest and stuff like that. 

TW: POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER; he really started suffering from post traumatic stress disorder; he would often relive the car accident in his sleep and he’d wake up basically screaming, then would cry once he came back to reality. he would also panic if something would accidentally smash in the cafe and no one really understood what was going on. but, minho had looked for answers and finally came up with what matched duri’s symptoms. he would later attend counseling. his dreams were never the same, they’d follow the same general thing, but something about it was always different, which is why duri can’t remember the accident fully. 

he found and interest and solace in music; which was something that later became a love and something that he wanted to do for a career. he would take singing lessons before going on to learn guitar and piano as well. he would partake in the café’s open mic nights for something fun to do. 

even though he had all this interest in music; he didn’t have an interest in auditioning for entertainment companies yet. he didn’t feel like he was ready, he wanted to take care of himself fully, focus on his studies, and studying music. even though minho & taekjo really thought he should audition, they respected his wishes. 

as high school rolled around, he attended seoul school of performing arts (sopa) where he basically focused on music and performing for his later use. he was pretty popular with people due to his happy and caring attitude as well as his skill level in music (ofc there were some jealous but w/e.) at showcases, he was always scouted by a load of entertainment companies but he always turned them down due to the reasons stated above. 

after graduating high school, duri decided that he was going to enlist in the military. he thought it would be better to do this, believing he’d finally be ready to chase after his dream once he did his enlistment. he would become a public servant due to the ptsd (but it wasn’t that bad, which was why they had allowed him to stay) and he’d even get to be in the military band, which he was really happy about. 

though, while he was in the military, he got bad again mental health wise due to the fact he wasn’t keeping him with his therapist and etc, so he started having his pervious issues once again. he thought it was just a phase that he’d get over but spoiler alert, it’s not. 

after graduating from military enlistment, he decided to finally audition for an entertainment company. bc entertainment was the first one to have auditions, so duri decided to go for that company; besides, he really liked both decipher and bee, so it just seemed like it would be the place for him. he auditioned without the knowledge of his uncle and aunt because he wanted to surprise them if he got in. 

so, he went to the open auditions, felt a little odd because he felt like the oldest person there among a bunch of teenagers and stuff. but anyways, he went over what he had to do in his head to himself as he waited, before his audition group would finally be called.

they all lined up in the room and went one by one, but the guy who was doing the auditions, was hella strict and kept stopping people and yelling out next. he would always give people a look of sympathy and told them they did well.  and before he knew it, it was his turn. 

he stepped up to where he had to be, before introducing himself, and proceeding to strum his guitar and singing decipher’s “replay.” the trainer finally stopped looking down and writing, looking up at duri and being memorized by his voice. duri was the only person to go for the full allowed time. after that, he was asked to dance and like he had no idea what to do?? so he just kind of.. busted out the moves to bee’s tell me and hoped for the best. it worked and he got the paper to go into the next room, where he would pass the audition completely, later going on to sign the trainee contract.

he wasn’t a trainee for very long (hoping i did the math correctly ajknfakkn but we’re going to pretend i did) basically he was almost immediately placed into the lineup of knight and his entire training was basically the nine months before debut that knight was known by the public. guess word got around about his voice, which was why he was there so quickly. i’m like 99% sure some people probably didn’t like duri for that sole reason that he was going to be debuting so quickly over some other trainees. 

duri is one of the members that are basically without scandal to be honest. though, he did have a small thing once where a large group of netizens were saying that he was faking his personality for the cameras that there is no one he’s so sweet, caring, and generally really happy all the time. but, it was shut down quickly by non-fans of knight whom had great experiences with duri, letting people know that he really is the way that he presents himself to the public. soon, netizens felt like duri was someone they could trust and someone who wasn’t going to cause problems like some of the other members (no shade i promise xx)

bc 100% pushes duri for his voice over everything else. he lost out on a lot of acting opportunities, since bc rejected all acting offers for him; only accepting the ost offers, basically. though, they did let him star in lipstick’s excuse me last year. otherwise, it’s just pushing him for his voice. while he doesn’t mind it since he does want a solo, he still feels like he’s easily missing out on acting opportunities. 

so personality wise, duri is a vv good person. he’s really nice and sweet without a mean bone in his body. he’s someone that people can really take advantage of because he has such a big heart and doesn’t really ever say no. he’s always happy and smiling; even though his mind is in pain. has fake maknae energy, one big ol’ puppy. the softest boy !! 

he’s also such a big brother like your his younger friend?? suddenly he’s like your big brother !! 

obviously member of knight’s hyung line !

he’s fluent in two languages korean (obviously his native language) and japanese. 

in his free time, he really likes reading books and watching movies/dramas. 

he so badly wants to move out of the knight dorm just so that he can get a dog(s). 

gg enthusiast (i mean he does really enjoy bgs too but he loves ggs ok !!) and also a vv big ariana grande fan. 

night sky enthusiast; has a connection to the stars due to a story his grandmother told him when he was younger. 

TW: paranoia / anxiety / claustrophobia;  he doesn’t drive because his paranoid about it & he always takes the stairs, never going in the elevator because he feels like it’s closing in on him and he starts to panic. 

this got really long and i think this is all i can say about duri ?? but anyways thanks for reading,, i love duri sm :(((

[hello-i-changed-blogs]

👬👨‍👦‍👦

omg i originally answered the asks wrong LMAO oops.

👬 who is your favourite duo?

asjdkkfkgkg this was so hard to choose. at first i was going to say chengstin bc have you seen them?? but then i decided to save them for the other question…. so instead my favourite duo is yanjun and dinghao. honestly they are so underrated, they are hilarious together and all the clips of 爱你 group are gold pls watch them if you haven’t already. they bicker so much and its actually a love hate relationship and im a real sucker for those. but they also hella support each other, like all banana trainees do. tbt when dinghao was feeling insecure and yanjun went all serious and tried to reassure him and at the end brought up the mood as well. but yeah excited for banana to debut soon so we can enjoy more of them throwing shade at each other.

another runner up is yzj and bwj bc HEIGHT DIFFERENCE OH MY GOD. i love the height difference it kills me, my heart literally squeezes when i see them next to each other and their interactions in i will always remember were 💯

👨‍👦‍👦 who is your favourite trio?

this has to go to the single father and two troublesome sons of yuehua. (lmao this emoji is so appropriate) i honestly feel bad for zzt like imagine putting up with chengstin it sounds so tiring. but yeah the three golden boys of yuehua who all worked so hard and get to debut together…im getting emo. my favourite interaction was the interview with the three of them exposing each other. im gonna pray for zzt and hope that his hair doesnt turn grey by the time nine percent is over.

thank you for sending in an ask 🙈💖💖💖

[everyonesabiaswrecker]

92 questions/random questions/8 things tag

This seems like a lot of questions but i will try my best :) i like the question tags a lot actually, they’re fun so thanks for tagging me @sambashua!!! i was only going to do one of the sections but i liked some of the questions from all of them and then i just ended up doing all the questions! oh well here it is it is long

i’ll tag: @taeismyking and @king-hao too bc por que no

the last…

1. drink: grapefruit juice

2. phone call: my dad

3. text message: YAAA

4. song you listened to: Knock Knock by N.Flying

5. time you cried: honestly i feel like i cry all the damn time but the last time i remember literally bawling is when i watched the movie Hachi i cried for so long my family was worried but in my defense hachi was the best boy!!!!

have you ever…

6. dated someone twice: nope i haven’t even dated someone once really

7. been cheated on: pro tip: you can’t get cheated on if you don’t date

8. kissed someone and regretted it: nope

9. lost someone special: yes

10. been depressed: nah

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: yeah but only once

list three favorite colors (12-15)…

any shade of blue, coral, black

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends: i made a couple at school but i don’t make friends very easily because I’m super quiet around people I don’t know

16. fallen out of love: nope

17. laughed until you cried: of course :)

18. found out someone was talking about you: nah

19. met someone who changed you: i don’t think so at least not in the last year

20. found out who your true friends are: yeah :)

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: nah

general stuff

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: I know the majority of them in real life but I haven’t talked to like any of them in 86 years

23. do you have any pets: I HAVE A DOG NAMED COZY AND SHE IS THE CUTEST, FLUFFIEST GAL IN THE UNIVERSE!!!!!!! 

24. do you want to change your name: I’ve always liked my name actually it would be weird for it to be anything else

25. what did you do for your last birthday: I got pizza with Miranda (@sambashua) and had a family brunch party thing!

26. what time did you wake up: Like 10:30 because i accidentally stayed up until 3 oops

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: eating frosted flakes and watching youtube

28. name something you cannot wait for: I CANT WAIT FOR ALL OF THE DEBUTS/COMEBACKS OF ALL THE GROUPS HAPPENING SOON LIKE N.FLYING AND SAMUEL AND WANNA ONE AND ALL THE OTHER PRODUCE BOYS

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: like 2 seconds ago

30. what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I don’t think i would change anything i like my life :)

31. what are you listening to right now: Jelly by HotShot everyone should listen to!!! its A plus!!!

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: probably but not that i remember

33. something that is getting on your nerves: my punk of a brother

34. most visited website: tumblr or youtube probably

35. elementary school: what do these mean?? like if i went to them bc if so yes

36. high school: yes it was fine

37. college: and yes I’m a sophomore and i’m having a good time!

38. hair color: blonde

39. long or short hair: its kinda short right now but I’m growing it out again!

40. do you have a crush on someone: nah man

41. what do you like about yourself: a lot of things!!! i’m a great gal

42. piercings: my ears but I haven’t worn earrings in 45 years 

43. blood type: A positive I think

44. nickname: From family: mouse, cassie, cassarole, and a bunch of others From friends: cass

45. relationship status: single 5ever (and in love with so many boys who are either fictional or a bajillion miles away from me)

46. zodiac sign: taurus

47. pronouns: she/her

48. favorite tv show: parks and rec or bob’s burgers

49. tattoos: nah i would probably regret it immediately after i got it! 

50. righty or lefty: righty

first…

51. surgery: i got my tonsils out when i was like 8

52. piercing: ears

53. best friend: Lizzie from kindergarten to 3rd grade until i moved

54. sport: soccer 

55. vacation: the mall of america!!!

56. pair of sneakers: man how should i know

right now…

57. eating: blueberries :)

58. drinking: a mango mania slushy!!!

59. i’m about to: do laundry

60. listening to: Password by Jung Yong Hwa

61. waiting for: my dog to stop sleeping so i can play with her

62. do you want kids: yeah!! I love kids!! I want all of the kids!!

63. do you want to get married: probably at some point but i don’t feel like i have to

64: what career do you want: I want to be a book publisher or an editor :D

which is better…

65. hugs or kisses: HUGS :)

66. lips or eyes: eyes

67. shorter or taller: either one is good

68. older or younger: no preference really 

70. nice arms or nice stomach: arms i think but it really just depends on who i’m talking about

71. sensitive or loud: what is this even asking tho ???

72. hook up or relationship: relationship for sure :)

73. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant, I’m not really the trouble making type

have you ever…

74. kissed a stranger: no I don’t know where that stranger has been

75. drank hard liquor: yeah but only in cocktails bc cocktails are delicious!

76. lost glasses/lenses: one time i lost one contact in first period and it looked like i was winking at people all day

77. turned someone down: yeah 

78. had sex on the first date: nope

79. broken someone’s heart: most likely not

80. had your heart broken: nah

81. been arrested: no, if i even got pulled over i would start bawling

82. cried when someone died: yes

83. fallen for a friend: nah

do you believe in…

84. yourself: YEAH! I CAN DO ANYTHING!

85. miracles: i mean not really i believe that good stuff can happen but I wouldn’t exactly label them miracles

86. love at first sight: nah

87. santa claus: i wish! then i would still be getting an extra present at christmas

88. kiss on the first date: if you want to if you don’t want to then its not like its required

89. angels: nah

other…

90. current best friends name: prob miranda :D heart you pal!

91. eye color: light turquoisey blue

92. favorite movie: Ratatouille (bc the food) and Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 (bc the foodimals)

Random Questions

relationship status: single 4 life

favorite color: any shade of blue!!!

lipstick or chapstick: chapstick all the way (cherry chapstick specifically)

last song you listened to: The Eve by EXO (WHAT A JAM!!!)

last movie you watched: Wonder Woman i think

top 3 characters: Celeana/Aelin (i love the throne of glass series so much i cry!) and ROWAN BC I LOVE HIM and Roz from Monsters Inc. bc she doesn’t take shit from anyone 

top 3 ships: HWITAE (but really like any of the billion ships in sf9), BINU (BEST BOYS), and MARKHYUK (THE FRIENDSHIP!!!)

books you are currently reading: A Court of Wings and Ruin by Sarah J Maas

top 5 musicals: HAMILTON, In the Heights, Rent, any of the disney musicals!!!, and of course Grease (a classic)

Eight Things

last movie watched: again wonder woman but before that i think it was Guardians of the Galaxy 2 last song listened to: The Night- FTISLAND (an under appreciated bop) last book read: The Mists of Avalon- Marion Zimmer Bradley last thing eaten: a twinkie if you could be anywhere right now, where would you be: idk im pretty chill right here  a fictional character you would hang out with for the day: Bilbo Baggins or just all the hobbits because i know i would get at least 7 meals of amazing food, maybe more!!! it would be a great time!!

what fictional world/universe would you want to spend a week in: anywhere with cool magic honestly i can think of like ten books that i would have a great time living in!!! last video game played: one of those lego games probably the lord of the rings one, i haven’t played video games in 10 years

[plehdis]

boyfriend!joshua

hong

joshua hong

where do I start off with this handsome boy

well for one, the whole ‘gentleman’ title given to him isn’t far off from how he is with his significant other

so let’s start off from where they meet

so she’s a new and upcoming photographer for a magazine

and her work is very well talked about and is always being praised for being the next photographer for the new generation of celebrities

so low and behold she’s the photographer for seventeen’s next magazine shoot

which is big thing for her friends rather than herself bc like

‘omg sEND ME THE PICTURES OF THE ONES THAT DON’T GET APPROVED’

and she’s like ‘ha ha ha’

obviously she doesn’t because cmon man the celebrities have rights y’know

she can’t just abuse that

anyways

she goes and gets set up in the location they’ll be taking pictures in

a brick-walled studio that was previously used industrialy

she really likes the rustic feel despite them having to use a white back drop for most of the single shots and the group ones

she doesn’t really have other people helping her, aside from her brother that comes to drop off the lightning and to pick them up after wards

she prefers working alone, not liking having people there to give their opinions bc like, she’s the photographer and she knows what she’s doing

so she take half an hour to test out the lighting, shift around a few things before the group finally walks through the door

and they’re all kind and greet her together and indivdually

in particular her eyes stop onto one of the members

his name was joshua if she wasn’t mistaken

he just seem so perfect in her eyes

coffee brown hair, alluring cat-like eyes and perfectly plump lips

wonder how they feel against her own

(y/n) sNAP OUT OF IT

this is actually the first time she’s ever felt this way about a client

and she’s been with some ❀◕ ‿ ◕❀ attractive people

anyways, she introduces herself and what she had in mind for the shoot

‘so I’d like to take the single shots before the group shots because the natural light from the window only stay with us for only so long. I’d like to next take the unit shots and group shots before the final large shot because I believe the artificial lighting will work best without the interference of the natural light’

yes she’s had this prepared for a while

the guys nod and pick among one another the line up

after half an hour it’s finally joshua’s turn

and he bows before starting because he’s so nice and actually pretty nervous

because it’s a pretty photographer he’s gotta look good right?

but in her eyes he’s perfect like ‘omg stop being so handsome’

she’s trying to be professional but he’s making it really hard

anyways after fifteen minutes she finally gets the shots she needs before thanking him

and there’s like a spilt moment when their eyes meet before he ducks away

‘so cute’

so the photo shoot goes along nicely, everyone being friendly and open to the suggestions she gave in order to make the shot a bit smoother and please their company boss

then finally group shoot comes around and she honestly can’t focus her camera lens

for some reason ends up going toward him despite him not being the lead center

so much so she calls for a five minute break as ‘she has another camera she think will suit him the shoot

she jogs over to her stuff and there he is just standing drinking a bottle of water

and the sight was breathtaking

it took her a moment to snap out of it

like today was not her day at allshe was always so calm and in charge during these times

but when a cute attractive male comes in the picture she’s done and she’s photographed cha eunwoo and ok taecyeon a few times before

‘can we get this finished? the boys have a music show in three hours’

(y/n) couldn’t help but almost glare harshly at the manager who wasn’t helping with the time restraint

she could finish any time but just because of him (and joshua being joshua) she’ll take her time

anyways

after all the pictures are taken and they take final shots, sadly her time with the group ends and they are bowing and thanking her for her time

she sighs as they all head to leave, while she goes to her bag to pack her things for her brother to pick up on his way from lunch

she notices a little ripped paper waiting on the top of her things

till she realizes it’s a phone number

‘so I know this might be sudden but I can’t pass this chance up. Call me?’

omg omg

she’s shocked but confused at the same time

who would’ve placed the number? is it even a number from the group members?

but she still takes the chance and saves the number into her phone

the contact name being ‘mystery man’

she wait a few hours since she took the time to skim through the photos she was to send to the editor of the magazine

because she knows she only should send limited photos but cannot help but be biased when looking over joshua’s shots

accidentally send 10 extra ones of him

let’s pretend that never happen

she eyes her phone before realizing the mystery man asked for her to call him

she doesn’t know what about but she likes the idea of not knowing who it is

because there’s really a chance of it being someone that was the behind the scene’s help

but it also could be one of the members

she is young for her profession

as told by critics before giving her a chance to show her talent

she contemplates for a minute or so before pressing on the contact and bringing the phone to her ear

‘hello?’

‘uh hello, this is (y/n) speaking’

‘ah, so you read my message’

‘well yeah, it’s pretty hard to miss it’

jOSHUA HONG YOU SLICK BOY

nvm

yOURE GREASY BUDDY

‘sorry I couldn’t do this face to face, I was pretty shy and wasn’t sure what to do. the guys kinda had to push me a bit’

‘it’s alright, what’s up?’

‘right, I was wondering if you wanted to go out on friday? If you’re not busy of course’

‘I’d love to joshua, there’s a restaurant near the photoshoot location, does that sound alright?’

‘sounds lovely, see you then’

not as lovely as your voice josh

after a few days she finally realizes she has a date

gosh dang schedules  (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

and she hasn’t gone on a date for a while so she doesn’t know what to wear

at least she took a shower (✿◠‿◠)

so she ends up being a tad late

bc she sees him already sitting down

‘shit  (╯◕_◕) (╯◕_◕) (╯◕_◕)╯‘

‘i’m so sorry I didn’t realize the time and-’

‘you look beautiful’

she stops herself after hearing his low chuckle and blushes because like

‘I’m trying to explain myself but you’re hear laughing at me’

‘but it’s okay because your laughter is cute and making me blush’

‘thanks?’

he gestures for her to take a seat in front of him

and she swears she catches him stare at her at least like 5 times after the waiter had taken their order

‘why are you-’

‘did you know you had really nice eyes?’

‘what wut’

‘yeah, they’re like a nice shade of (eyecolour)’

he’s cheesy and he knows it

literally she’s a blushing mess the whole time

like she could be mistaken for applying too much blush

he’s sweet and the conversation has a nice flow

and honestly it’s been a while since she’s been able to do this

and she really hopes there’s a part two

but without the surprise compliments

he ends up walking her home because like

why not

and of course he pulls the classic ‘you’re cold? take my jacket’

ah the cringe

‘I had a great time tonight’

‘me too, I’d love to do this again. If you’re up for it of course’

‘Sounds great’

And so the pair go meet with one another when their schedules allow them too

and it’s a nice time for the both of them, with the hand holding and chaste kisses

heck they’re practically a couple it’s just

no one asked anyone out yet

and she isn’t sure if she should ask about it but

it’s lowkey killing her inside to know

like it’s being childish but she wants to be able to refer to him as her ‘boyfriend’ and likewise with him

so one day when walking back to her home she asks

‘I was wondering about something’

‘go on’

‘are we together or-like are we a thing-’

*insert the surprise kiss* o shiet

‘so does that answer your question?’

‘uh yeah. could we do that again?’

-

so you’re probably wondering why the shy and gentle joshua is written as a straightforward guy

well I think if he really liked a person, and given the confidence boost and advice he might have been given from the guys

he’s would be like this

and it’s not like he won’t revert back to his usually self

but seeing us he may not know what to do or how to act

this front he puts up is just so he was able to speak to you bc

without it we could be looking at a year before actually said/did anything romantic

anyways back to the pair

so considering the hectic and unforgiving schedules, I feel like calling/video chatting and instant messaging may be the most used out of the relationship

besides cute cringy texting emoji are thing between the pair

and when they are able to see one another, they take advantage by planning out a nice but simple date

I think the main thing with him is hand holding and affectionate gestures whenever he can

like walking in public would consist of him holding her hand, pulling her close for quick pecks

and don’t get me started on the guys

they adore her

lowkey the members of their fanclub #jisooX(y/n)

guitar playing

she absolutely finds him playing the guitar the most fascinating thing in the world

she loves just watching him play anything

lowkey watches any video on the internet of him playing the guitar (pre-debut joshua anyone?)

and she really wants him to teach her but rather let him be the one to play guitar out of the couple

just in general and cute couple who have their own passions and always seem to find time in their schedules to love one another

author’s note: this is really sloppy but over due. thanks for requesting!

more boyfriend!seventeen

vernon