#literally me it’s so unhealthy
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girl who needs to ask for reassurance would rather be stabbed than admit they have needs
GIRL GENDER FUNNY‼️ POST MADE BY MOST FEMININE HE/THEY SHUT UP‼️
#omg kiera no one cares#admitting u have needs and stuff is so embarrassing like I'm literally an adult grow up#like I'd rather go crazy then ask if you still like being around me and love me#unfortunately that's unhealthy and i gotta work on that but until thats complete i will think about being gutted like fish instead
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listen I expected literally Nothing from the D&D movie okay, like I can't make it clear enough that I expected the most soulless money grab with a good cgi budget imaginable, I went in having already gone through every stage of grief and landed on acceptance and LISTEN
I fucking CRIED during this dumb RPG movie. it wasn't just "not terrible" it was objectively good with a clever plot and compelling characters and sincere emotional beats. this movie loves D&D so fucking much and it NAILS the "a bunch of goobers try to be cool and accidentally discover The Power Of Friendship And Also Great Violence" classic D&D party vibe. their barbarian's last name is fucking Kilgore and my entire family cried in the theater.
I hope they make twelve of these motherfuckers.
#honor among thieves#dnd#dungeons and dragons: honor among thieves#holga kilgore#she is a BARBARIAN whose name is KILL GORE like who among us has not been in a party with this exact character#some new player who picked whatever they were told was the easiest class and gave them a name that is 98% a joke#and just piggybacked their backstory onto the most experienced player's as like rp training wheels#and then smash cut 60 sessions later and we're all getting choked up over john dingus or whatever#do you motherfuckers know how rarely i cry????? about ANYTHING?????#god it was so good#i am going to watch this an unhealthy amount#i want a separate movie for every red wizard and also one about xenk's backstory#his name is X E N K with an X these writers have played some fucking DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS#do i have to buy dead in thay now?????? i think i have to buy dead in thay now#i literally ran dnd on friday and this movie put me in WITHDRAWAL i want to play some dnd Now
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i love you season 1 of the flash
#cw the flash#the flash cw#the flash#the flash fandom#hartley rathaway#eowells#barry allen#4 am thoughts#4 am posts#4 am posting#4 am ramblings#unhealthy workplace relationships#unhealthy work environment#hartley rathaway x eowells#but not in an i ship it way#but in the fact that it definitely happened and was unfortunate for everyone involved#hartley blew out his parents and harrison’s windows and blew up the pipeline but decided to murk barry in the streets??#hartley saw eowells let some twink run around in red leather while praising him for it#and decide to make it literally everyone else’s problem#he really went ‘there’s only one person who’s gonna destroy this twink and that’s gonna be me!’ and meant it literally#all the ‘villains’ in this show are so cunty#cisco and caitlin heard that hartley was causing drama again and they went ‘oh shit’ and grabbed their popcorn#meanwhile barry was looking around confused scratching his head and sighing
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Listener and Yapper
#can be seen as ship or platonic#literally any ancient would go well as a yapper (except WL) with Dark Cacao as the listener#but i just chose PV because he’s easier for me to draw lol#their dynamics are basically cat and dog/sun and moon/low energy and high energy/and anything you can just think of#i wanna squeeze them so bad they make me feral#its getting unhealthy guys#but its okay because its crk ❤️#cookie run#crk fanart#crk art#cookie run kingdom#cr kingdom#crk#dark cacao crk#crk dark cacao#dark cacao cookie#pure vanilla crk#pure vanilla cookie#crk pure vanilla cookie#skyxiio art#skyxiio animations#art#artists on tumblr#fanart
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something bad did indeed happen to that man. spent abt 25 minutes trying to find a better picture of that one (1) offical piece with his eyes open that wasnt compressed or tiny
#library of ruina#yan library of ruina#getting comfortable doodling some objects and mannequin shapes for very obvious reasons. i read the keypage story and now it has a grip on#my brain. wanting to go ahead and plan it out and then draw the mangled memory and nightmare that replays behind the eyelids in the darknes#it was cool to see the reason confirmed from my speculation. twas indeed another reason of blocking out present pain with closing of eyes#considering they made angela have a plot important reason for doing so it would only make sense for another to have a reason for it as well#well. after having a prominent part inside the thumb/index story line. its just going to be yapping about yan now i think#let me add a spoiler tag i suppose? vauge but just incase i dont want to be an asshole. even if most already have played rhe game#library of ruina spoilers#lor spoilers#i really liked the typewritter effect over the voice after distortion. especially so when the effect finishes before the actual garbled voi#does. it makes it feel as if it were being read out after it being written down rather than of own words or volition. along with the text#upon the screen during the fight being just prescripts rather than anything relating to the man himself like the other instances with such#text had been. paired w the name of distorted yan being untranslated to keep the intent of the name being unreadable or not understandable#more into the idea of stripping away of the self or any sense of a self. not personal and not even him anymore. the following of a goal for#the goal for it is given and there isnt any hope of having the ability to not do such a thing. people yearn for a reason and something to d#and for it to be given to them to not hold responsibility nor have to do their own choices anymore. once a crushing weight weighs down#inside the face of an absolute cruelty that is perpetuated and that crushed the dreams or even desires having them be but nothing how can#one move on? it was really nice to see at the end of the fight. its easier to just say such things than to actually do them. even if the ac#ions dont even feel as if they are ones own or that there isnt any say in the matter having to endure all the pain for seemingly nothing it#still is pain. that feeling inside is still real. it still happened. regardless of the circumstances that brought them about#the thumb/index or just fingers seem to be an exaggerated to the extreme showcase of how the colletivist mindset in an unhealthy manner#could be exhibited. the thumb with its hierarchy and absoluteness and the demand for respect along with its strict layers of showing who is#below and who is above. the ability to have power over those underneath . the participation inside of it and the already brought up yearnin#to be apart of a group and to have a title and position inside of a group and of power and even a desire like from pete to join one iirc#the index being of the cruel perpetuating cycle of pain people inflict upon one another a behavior beaten and upkept by the systems as they#drift and desire to live. which causes them to partcipate in that cycle out of necessity. cruel acts upon another in order to live and seei#a need to go ahead and do such things for if they dont they die and another will just do the same to them. social sciences talk and rolands#talks abt how the city opperates reinforce that fact. the index and prescripts are really just a show inside that extreme manner and in a#more literal sense of that. it was really cool to read it..
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Okay! This one is less rendered than the other two, but here's some doodles of Tulpa figuring out how to co-exist! (Aka Fresh not taking training seriously while Dream is trying desperately to get his friends to think he's normal.)
When Dream first returns to the Star Sans', he finds himself in a pickle, because he needs Fresh to move his body. Sure, they made a tentative agreement that Dream trusted Fresh not to break, but Dream hadn't been specific enough with the guidelines.
Fresh pilots Dream's body based on the commands from his soul, but more often than not Fresh simply decides not to listen. Sometimes when they're training, Fresh will suddenly make Dream fumble his bow or send an arrow flying way off-target. Dream is always frustrated by this, unaware that Fresh it doing it for his own good and is forcing the guardian to take a break.
Blue was also made aware of Fresh very early on. One day he was passing the kitchen where Dream was cooking and spotted how Fresh's little form was wiggling out of the hole on Dream's skull. Blue made Eye-contact with Fresh, but said nothing since it seemed like Dream was aware and didn't mind. He waited until Dream told him to acknowledge the parasite directly, but suddenly a bunch of Dream's weird actions made sense to him. Blue regularly makes sure to check in on Dream, before abd after he's aware of Fresh, because he knows Dream works himself into the ground.
Dream (eventually) figures out that Fresh was being clumsy for his sake and nearly cries about it (even his mother and the villagers never did that for him, and Blue was the only other person to ever pull him away from training for his own good) so he gets a bit emotional. He feels bad for how angry he used to get at Fresh for doing that, but Fresh never gave him a proper explanation either, so it was a two-way street.
And while Fresh was lienent around Blue and Ink, he never slipped up around Nightmare's gang. Though, he did fight seriously, which to him might look like goofing off, which is completely separate from Dream's fighting style. (For now Dream uses Arrows and his Bow, but I'm thinking Tulpa has a T-Shirt Canon or a Nerf Gun by the time they make-up.)
Ideally Fresh cannot be seen during combat because he actually pilots from around Dream's soul, but sometimes his parasite form expands to support Dream's weak joints and act like a shock-absorber.
#utmv#utmv sans#oc#utmv art#utmv oc#my art#spot!drawn#Dreameater au#tulpa#Dream x fresh#fresh x dream#sanscest#<- again technically??? here they're just Strangers dubiously sharing a body tho soooo#anyways#Blue my beloved. he's subtly making sure Dream's alright#but besides being exhausted he's actually better off than he was *befire* fresh so Blue takes that as a good sign#and I love a Dream who is stubborn and has a set routine and expectation who panics and gets a lil#mean when things don't go his way. Golden Child and Prodigey vibes#i'd never project but like... what I wouldn't give to have someone physically stop me from working myself into a fit over#things I can't control 👀#Fresh doesn't care a ton about Dream at this point and his carefulness is more him wanting to keep Dream's soul/vessel in good shape#but that quickly morphs into a protectiveness and care once he realizes just how much strain Dream tries to put on hinself to be perfect#the 'I can fix him' trope but with the character you don't expect (Fresh teaching Dream to value himself as more than a tool)#(even though to Fresh at the start he is *literally* just an asset to Fresh. their dynamic is unhealthy to start but improves later)#dream sans#fresh sans#<- I know neither of them are Sans 😔 itXs just easier to tag like this
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"Ivan isn't loved by anyone-" You were fooled by his warped perspective.
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#now dont piss me off#/silly /maybe#betting on me and tills newborn he was loved#Ivan was loved just not in the way he wanted nor could fathom because of his circumstances. ivan has only ever known and seen romantic love#and by romantic love i mean an unhealthy kind. is the way mizisua love eachother unhealthy? mayb not but the way he took & he saw their#love and aimed to replicate it WAS unhealthy. and in any other case i dont think he understands any other kind of love. platonic. friendly#he can see it objectively. i believe. but#i dont think he gets it. thats why he thinks the way he does. he literally just doesnt understand so it doesnt exist and he doesnt acknowle#it#alien stage#alnst ivan#alien stage ivan#alnst#seeing what mizisua had. im sure he came to the conclusion that if he wasnt good enough to earn that kind of love. then what else is there?#hell ill say it. even Till loved him. not romantically of course. but the love was there. they are childhood friends. he is THE closest to#-Till FOR A REASON. even Ivan knows it. a little. maybe. But if only he gave it a chance when he could.
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its that fanciful romanticistic day yet again so JIGZENI HEADCANONS be upon ye (in no particular order of importance or seriousness)💥💥💥
- zenigata is jig’s type. gotta get that outta the way first lmao
- favorite fic tropes: reluctant partners, wound dressing, cigarette lighting, slow burn, frenemies with benefits
- and ok as much as id love this dark noir grizzled detective/hitman mobguy romance love/hate situationship whatever they're probably on the heathier end of the 10 possible lupin ships. they're both just too fucking honest and awkward about romantic sorta stuff yknow
- they both like really black coffee. like nasty "how tf can you drink this its literal tar" black
- zenigata runs hot, jigen runs cold-- obligatory "opposites attract" dynamic
- they both overthink things and small, awkward, semi-flirty situations haunt them for hours. they've brushed knuckles accidentally at a bar once i stg. worst day of their lives they still can't stop thinking about it
- really stand-offish around each other in public (virtually no pda outside of things people might not notice; nudging feet under a table, lighting each other's cigarettes (which is practically kissing for these people let's be real), hands brushing when theyre cuffed in the back of a prison van together, etc etc. normal guy shit)
- they feel obligated to not acknowledge each other, essentially. they're not SUPPOSED to acknowledge each other, it'd break the status quo, "why does that inspector that's always on the news suddenly care about his rival’s partner so much" -- people would get suspicious. best to simply not
- but when they're in private they NEED to be near each other at the very least. eyeshot/earshot. tbh this basically boils down to jigen lounging on top of zenigata. see temp boyfriends-- jigen uses that cop like a basking rock lmao
- facial hair... jig probably digs the five-o-clock shadow look but it usually means "bad mood" for zeni. real late nights, real big loss, real bad scolding from the higher-ups. lupin's dead for the third time this year and he's at the end of his rope about it. shit like that.
- lupin domesticated the shit outta jigen ok. he's the mother hen now. he knows what it looks like (and feels like) when someone's not taking care of themselves so he does the whole shebang-- cooking, cleaning, making sure everyone's hydrated n fed n not slowly rotting. he scolds lupin (plotting heists spiral) and goemon (training spiral) enough that they know to be more careful, but zenigata doesn't get that sorta constant attention since he's solo most of the time
- what im getting at is that jigen checks in after really rough shit ykno. things that might not hit their side very hard but he knows is devastating for zenigata. makes sure he isnt drinking himself into a gutter, makes sure he's sleeping, makes sure he isnt eating exclusively half-assed cup noodle, makes sure he gets cleaned up/shaved. then when zeni's tentatively grateful and Over It and threatening to arrest him again (in that order) he dips
- I FUCKING LOVE THE PATCHUP TROPE and i blame this fandom exclusively. there's this one jigzeni fic where zenigata admits to practically being the gang's third-pick medic and i really really like that idea. so yeah that mother hen shit goes both ways because thats just how zenigata is innately
- hes super cushy with jigen specifically cause jigen's kinda like when you try to clip a dog's nails when they do NOT want that to happen. theres always the looming threat that shit might get loud. and bitey. aaany moment now. but jigen sucks it up real quick when he sees how big this fuckin guy's hands are and how good he is with them winkwinkwink
- put these two alone together for too long and they'll blurt out shit that they BOTH need to hear but have always been too. idk. nervous? afraid? to say. probably afraid. they hate that it's so easy to talk about what's weighing on them
- mostly intrusive thoughts about lupin, but sometimes it's little stuff. i.e. "i actually don't like black coffee all that much but i can't bring myself to sweeten it up because i feel like i don't deserve it/it doesn't feel like i earned it."
- neither can bring themselves to tell the other that That Doesn't Make Sense and is In(s)ane. they both know it's nonsensical and neurotic but they both feel the same deep deep down, too. they get why. they hate it they HATE that they align on a intuitional level
- but once they break that initial barrier of extremely awkward silence where they just KNOW they're thinking the same thing, they can not and will not shut up about how they're feeling
- don't get me wrong. jigen totally vents to lupin (and to goemon and 10000% to fujiko too) but only zenigata can match that same level of angst he has and that's what makes said venting actually, genuinely, deeply relieving. because fuck, he gets it
- they're a tag team of worry. hype men of worry. there's this one mike birbiglia bit from "old man and the pool" -- can't even enjoy a comedy special without this pairing whacking me upside the head with a two-by-four, smh-- that is apparently jigzeni to me:
- "she's worried, and then because she's worried, i'm worried. we're like an anxious improv group. like... i initiate with a worry. she "yes and..."s the worry with some misgivings. i close out the scene with some neuroses, and then sometimes we have sex, and that's so fun."
- on that note, jigen's Worry is very much internal whereas zenigata's is very much not. this is borderline fascinating to them. "how're you so calm all the time" versus "how're you so hopped up on all this energy all the time". the answer is waiting till 2am to unpack by screaming into a pillow and/or drinking till they zonk out
- they tend to gravitate to certain places for what i guess you would call "noncommittal company"-- ambience, if anything-- and since they tend to be holed up in the same areas random bar encounters happen frequently
- they talk about drinking habits a lot. preferred drinks, cocktails, brands-- they're both big fans of whiskey
- jigen buys them both a bottle of real high-their top-shelf shit after particularly rough yet successful heists (the ones where they team up to take out nazis or whatever the hell) and zenigata (after a lot of convincing) never really turns jigen down when he offers him a glass
- okay so either these two happen slowly over many, many months (with the backdrop of many, many years behind them) or they happen IMMEDIATELY, no unpacking, no real deep thought from either of them. if they don't have that “ah, fuck it” moment then they've got a lot of silent pining to look forward to (which i rant about [here])
- damn i think thats it. im pretty shit at coming up with really cushy slice of life bits lmao, it always devolves into deranged character analysis
- some day i will comprehend the art of cozycomfy 'this is how they like their toast' stuff......some day
#[jedi hand wave] do not worry about how their legs are positioned in the artwork#anyway#happy friggin valentines#jigzeni#lupin iii#j#z#lots to stew in#excluded the obvious “unhealthy reliance/fixation on lupin” point bc thats gonna be this wholeass separate post#its just so difficult for me to write about jiglup lol. like there is zero neuron activation for them and theyre literally the Main Thing#tis a curse
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imagine counting calories
#imagine thinking that having a side with your sandwich is unhealthy#I follow so many recipe pages that for some reason it starts sending my algorithm to diet land sometimes and I just have to#like. click ''I don't want to see this'' until it gets the idea lol.#lady was like ''maturing is realizing that the sandwich IS the meal. just the sandwich. I miss fries tho'' and I'm like#literally no one eats a meal without having a side. like yes you can get everything you need from One Item#but it's not a Meal if you Only Have One Item???#diet influencers are weird. back to bread recipes for me!
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✨🌸 Sunshine on your skin, flowers in my soul 🌸✨
🌊🫧Summary → In the midst of his reconciliation with Team Wish, Dusknoir begins coughing up flowers. This unfortunate brand of bad luck should be a cosmic joke. A spiteful punishment that the world has brought down on him out of malice, out of vengeance for his past deeds. A cruel, agonizing curse manifested with the single unjustified purpose of preventing him from realizing happiness, ever seeking redemption, ever righting his multitudes of wrongs and moving on with his life. But that's not true, and he knows it deep down. Knows it in the very core of his soul like the flood of petals building in this throat.
This is his fault because he is a coward, and that's all he has ever been. A backstabbing, lonely coward.
And now he is going to die because of it.
[AO3]
[CH. I -- Word Count -- 13,290]
🌒💫 Return → the act of going back to a place, person, or memory
[CH. II -- TBA]
#(Momentarily comes back from hiatus just to drop this and then proceeds to immediately leave)#I didn't forget about my fic that I promised literally a year ago! Woo!#Here's the 1st chapter fellas!#I've been through misery and hell (still there tbh) but I'm hanging in there with my pencil and paper#(mutuals I did this for YOU)#(scribz once again THANK you for the art ilysm)#I gave up on trying to write everything coherently like a perfectionist before posting chapters#I've decided I'm just gonna post 'em as they're done instead of hoarding them all until I'm satisfied with the entire fic#It was unhealthy and hard to be motivated while writing all of this in my own little isolated box#Maybe with some feedback from readers I'll be more willing to focus on this and get it done rather than let it rot in my docs for months#Sunshine on your skin; flowers in my soul#my fic#Dusknoir/Grovyle#Dusknoir/Grovyle/Celebi#Hero/Partner#Echo/Sora#echo/umbreon#sora/lucario#pmd ocs#lots and LOTS of feelings in this fic be warned my friends#Must admit I am so nervous sharing this publicly cause it's like baring my whole heart to you guys#If you take a peek then I hope you end up enjoying it c:#pls leave me asks if you wanna share thoughts!!! I'd be so unbelievably happy to talk about this fic if anyone is interested#or maybe post a comment or kudos on AO3 instead!! anything pls I'd be indebted to you forever#No promises on a fic update schedule but I will TRY not to let it take months this time#pmd explorers#pmd eos#pmd sky#pokemon mystery dungeon#pmd fanfic
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explaining my bpd neji headcanon
this started out as a self projecting hc for a modern au and then it spiraled and now i have a lot to say! sorry if it's incoherent and rambly that is simply who i am.
he displays a lot of symptoms common in (though not exclusive to) bpd. a pattern of unstable relationships, an unstable sense of self/identity issues, trouble managing anger, black and white thinking, fear of abandoment, self harming or suicidal behaviors etc. more under cut cuz this is long lol
first off is his black and white worldview in part 1. he believed in predetirmined fate and that you could do nothing to change it. he uses very extreme words, which i highlighted below, like never, always, unchangable, inevitable, useless, etc. all leaving no room for grey areas or other possibilities, even if deep down he doesn't believe it completely.
he cares for hinata but due to his views and his anger against the upper branch, it 'outweighs'/overshadows the good and he lashes out against her, this is reminiscant of splitting to me. the times we see him lashing out at her violently that had to be stopped by others were impulsive also, split seconds brusts of anger.
he has very little sense of self. from philosophy of fate being predetermined and unchanging, growing up in the lower branch being told his purpose is to protect hinata, and this scene:
it makes sense, it doesn't matter who he is or how he sees himself, since that never spared him or his father. he clings to the label of prodigy, which reminds me of when i struggle with my own sense of self, i latch onto a certain way i'm percieved or a character (cough cough neji).
his role is a genius and he will fulfill that, his role is in the lower branch and he will not escape that, and naruto's role is to lose, and he will not escape that. except when naruto didn't lose and that shattered his whole worldview.
when he previously devalued naruto, hinata, and lee for being weak and trying to defy fate, he was not only called out for doing the same (yk his projection/hypocrisy), but proven wrong, which led him to deeply respecting and idealizing naruto, swinging between the two extremes.
abandonment issues are kind of harder since they're not really shown, but the trauma lf losing his dad very likely resulted in that. so. and something that could be connected to it also is how he feels about weakness:
he's strong, and he's valued because of it. with what he said about how you must live in the boundaries of the judgements set by others and how he avoids being seen as weak, that could him not wanting to be abandoned if he's ever seen that way or if he goes beyond the boundaries of what others see.
during the kidomaru fight he also goes to great lengths to win, which yk happens in all the fights, but he also brings up how he can't lose BECAUSE he's a genius. he was fighting for his friends and naruto (and sasuke... sasuneji sneak...) but i think it's interesting how he still brings this up.
(btw i love the kidomaru fight so much btw it's one of my favourite fights because of neji's development and the scenes where his hair is all loose and when the bird flies overhead and the feather lands in his hand)
now onto self harming or suicidal behaviors! as far as i know it's a common sentiment that his death was suicide, and i agree. while it was to protect hinata and naruto you can't tell me he wasn't atleast a little suicidal T_T he believes that the only fate we share is death, and knows the only way to be rid of the caged bird seal is to die, that's a pretty easy road to suicidal ideation and one i personally relate to. with my chronic illness and mental health issues, i'd only be rid of them if i died, which did lead me to being suicidal and actually attempting.
okay i dont know how to end this but i think those are my big major points. looking at the diagnostic criteria for bpd he hits most. stress related paranoia or loss of contact with reality/dissociation is just an easy headcanon even if its not shown in canon.
okay bye ty for reading 🤍🤍🤍
#neji hyuga#hyuga clan#borderline personality disorder#naruto#naruto shippuden#hinata hyuga#he's literally me#i think about him an unhealthy amount#i did kind of work backwards on a lot of these so some might not fully fit but its my headcanon and i can do what i want#i make the rules fuck you#tw suicide#naruto spoilers
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i don’t go too deeply into my personal troubles on tumblr but 2024 was full of losses for me (death of people, death of friendships)
so thank you to everyone who’s here and making it into 2025 with me 🌟 returning to tumblr in august to do what i love has made me a much happier and better version of the person i was in the first half of last year <3
#i had to make some fucking tough decisions last year#but those decisions literally pulled me out of my depression and unhealthy coping habits#so i’m also thanking myself for having my own back#chitchatting ᵔᴗᵔ
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Love this body type post SOOOO much. Thinking of this rudeass that tried to fight me how inaccurate bruces height and weight was (6’5/250lbs) in the replies of my OWN post, and how he needed MORE weight to be considered a brick house (bc they themselves were 220 and 6’2 and in their words ‘had a little bit of muscle’), then immediately ignored their own statement and got upset when i mentioned i wanted jason to be slightly taller and 40 lbs heavier. Suddenly thats TOO fat and im stupid. Fucking moron.
#chattin#the assumption that people- ESPECIALLY creators- are idiots that wont research anything is so upsetting#this fucker lives in my autistic brain RENTFREE why would i not do the research ?? why would i just make up numbers???#that reply is still so funny to me. ‘im a similar height and weight w SOME muscle so ur obviously wrong. make him bigger’#‘well heres another character that is bigger-‘ ‘u cant do that hes too fucking fat - its unhealthy’#???#what do u want from me man !#unless ur an olmypic level athlete ur thoughts dont mean shit !#theres a weightlifter thats 300+ lbs and only a couple inches taller than me!!!!#strength is so diverse and u have to me closeminded or an idiot to assume otherwise#LITERALLY my inspo for clark is shotputters/discus throwers!#bruce is a one in a million kind of endurance/strength/gymnast athlete!#dick is a whopping 50 lbs lighter than bruce despite being a couple inches shorter than him#body types MEAN something#specializing and honing ur body to do a specific thing MEANS something !#there are so many fat athletes bc! and i know this is shocking for so many people#but its bc its GOOD that they are fat! their sport DEMANDS it !#u can complain all u want but if a fat weightlifter punches u in the face u are not getting up. for ever .
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was trying to figure out why I feel so Wrong rn and I think it's because I didn't follow my usual daily routine like At All and now my brain is freaking out. woke up at a vastly different time, had entirely different tasks throughout the day, took a nap at a weird time (to make up for the fact I had about 3 hours of sleep last night), zero human contact for the past 15 hours, and ate different food from usual (various leftovers from social events/thanksgiving, instead of cooking for myself like normal). and before I really realized that these were all things that were Bad For My Brain I was just wandering around my house like "why do I feel like garbage?? I've literally been outside so much today my brain should be happy"
ANYWAY here's to me not remembering I have issues with unstructured living because my days have been so similar for the past 4ish years that I straight up Forgot that things being too different too fast makes me crazy ✌️
#rye.txt#I'll be fine lol#the sudden shift in my daily schedule and my generally unhealthy eating today were the big things that made me feel Bad#so now that I am actually cognizant of this I can take steps to mitigate it tomorrow#god. what the hell did I even eat#leftover soup. that was breakfast (very out of my ordinary). uhh. a lot of pie (grandma made a ton for thanksgiving).#a tangerine that miiight have been on the edge of going bad#(thought I should eat a fruit. fruit did not improve status)#reheated popcorn chicken? that was not a good decision I felt so gross after eating that#hrm. ok my issue is that I feel like I Need To Eat These Leftovers So They Don't Go Bad#otherwise i'll be Wasting Perfectly Good Food#BUT. I don't want to eat it and eating it makes me feel generally unfulfilled and kinda blehg#ough. why can't I be normallllll#I'm also not dealing with the whole 'zero human contact' very well tbh. which is weird because I'm a deeply introverted person#and usually spend my days avoiding people like the plague#but idk. it's been literal years since I've spent and extended period of time completely alone#I don't knowwww i don't know#I'm gonna invite some friends over tomorrow and get them to help me eat these dang pies#ALSO. ITS BEEN REALLY COLD TODAY. AND I HAD TO BREAK INTO MY NEIGHBORS' HOUSE#(was not breaking in; I was trying to take care of their dogs since they're out of town)#(but their door code AND their garage door code weren't working#and I didn't have a physical key to use#so I had to push my way in through a back door that'd been blocked by a pile of boxes taller than my head#and squirm into their garage in order to get inside and take care of the dogs)#(was a very stressful way to spend my early waking hours)#i ALSO had to drive to the AIRPORT this morning which SUCKED. had to drop off family#which like I'm happy to help but also airports suck so much ass I hate them#anyway. today was sort of shitty#but mostly I only have myself to blame#did not structure my day well enough
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💜 “Geez, doc... and here I thought you would’a never had a soft spot. ‘Specially in my arms like this.. you’re lighter than I thought!”
💚 “..Be quiet, warden. I’m just tired. Otherwise I may change my mind.”
#[prawn’s potions]#phighting!#medkit phighting#banhammer phighting#medhammer#phighting fanart#I FINALLY FINISHED THIS THING LETS GOOOO 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣#I literally love this pairing so much its unhealthy. help me#I need need need to draw them more
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So how many times do you think Victim tried to commit suicide after Mitsi's death, but never actually got very far because of the fear of potentially waking up back on the PC?
And how many times do you think he was so far beyond caring that he actually did try?
And how many times do you think Agent found him before it was too late?
IMO, all three are a non-zero number.
#I think he probably wanted to “join” her at least once in those first few months and didn't see the point in continuing to live without her.#I also think that Victim probably self-harmed at least a few times because he didn't know how to cope with his emotional pain#I feel like after the attack Agent dedicated himself to Victim to an unhealthy degree in an attempt to make up for failing her#And I think that during that time Agent developed a sense for when things just felt “wrong” with Victim#Like a sudden gut feeling that something wasn't right and that he needed to go check Vic RIGHT NOW#and 9 times out of 10 something would be wrong with Vic.#Either he'd be in the midst of a horrible grief-stricken breakdown; injured from SH; catatonic to the point of not eating/drinking#or actually in danger of dying from an attempt.#Victim would have just been an utter MESS in the first few months afterwards. Completely unable to function.#The only reason Agent can function is because Victim needs him and he cannot bear the idea of letting him down.#Agent probably also helped run Rocket corp in those first few months too because Victim wasn't in any state to do it alone#and might not have even known what he was doing because acting as CEO was probably more Mitsi's job than his.#Vic seemed to be more like a designer and builder of their tech than the business side in the flashback photos.#TL;DR: Agent has been Victim's sole pillar of support ever since Mitsi's death and I think Agent would literally rather die than fail him.#He will support Victim even to his own detriment#Because Agent cannot let go of his own overwhelming guilt and grief for Mitsi any more than Victim can.#Her loss is a shackled wrapped around their necks that will never let go; nor will they ever let it let them go.#Alan Becker#Animator vs animation#ava#ava Victim#ava Agent#tw: suicide mention#tw: self harm mention#Mitsi's death fucked both Victim and Agent up so bad and you cannot tell me otherwise
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