#literally just scenes like ‘you still haven’t noticed my tie’ I was draw as them that’s all. help

[hawkwidows]

.

[chuuulip]

The First Kiss of Love

Pairing: Hannibal Lecter x Female Reader

Warning:  Fluff with a smidges of angst

Words: 3262

Prompt: hey i was wondering id you could do a hannibal lecter one where the reader doesnt realize that hannibal likes her and she gets jealous when hes talking to another woman. when she calls him out on it he cant help but laugh. the reader is basically a oblivious dummy type and way too much of a klutz .

Summary: “Dr. Bloom is really beautiful.” your small, joyless voice continues its sentence. “Ah...yes indeed.” Hannibal replies casually.

A.N: This is for an anon that request some Hannibal fanfic. I’m sorry that it takes me so long xD I hope you like it! whoever you are ❤️ Thank you for @jewels2876​​ for helping me with this piece, love you ❤️ Also tagging fellow Hannibal fans 😉 @venusdemonroe​​​ and @detectivehannibal​​​ thanks for feeding me Hannibal content and discuss him with me ❤️

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It’s been a couple of months since you’ve worked with Dr. Lecter. You were once a librarian; due to an accident, you lost your job as a consequence of a long time recovery.  Hannibal Lecter literally was an angel or your angel to be precise. Vividly, you remember the time you met him. By chance, Hannibal is in the clinic when you do your physiotherapy. He catches a small stack of books that you buy that day. He manages to balance the books in his left hand while his right-hand catches you before your face kisses the floor.

Long story short, both of you have some sort of conversation that leads to you applying for a job to be Hannibal’s secretary. You are excited but also nervous when you do your interview. You have no idea that Hannibal is a well-known psychiatrist not only just in Baltimore but also in Maryland. There is a fear that Hannibal will not choose you because of your clumsy tendencies. You are naturally what people will call a klutz. Physical activity somewhat hinders your ability to shine among others. You are either too slow or too weak. Not to mention lucky stars seem to distance themself from you. But not that day, the day when you get an email of your employment. Hannibal is pretty impressed with your CV and how good your skills on scheduling and data management, 

“Good morning.” the soft, accented voice of Hannibal greets you. Today, he wears a dark blue windowpane pattern jacket suit. He chooses a somewhat dark metallic floral pattern adorning the red-brown tie. His white buttoned-up shirt makes the color of his suit and ties pop. Hannibal always dresses elegantly, something that you always look forward to seeing.  

“Good morning, Dr. Lecter.” You stand up and follow Hannibal inside his office. He takes a seat on his brown leather chair. Everything looks immaculate as always.

“Schedule for today?” he unbuttons his suit jacket and you quickly help him hang the suit. “Thank you, my dear, you didn’t need to do that.”

“It’s alright Dr. Lecter.”

Sometimes when it’s only you and Hannibal in the office, he accidentally calls you my dear. You aren’t sure if it's because that’s the way he usually addresses someone he is in contact on a daily basis, or it means something more? Oh, you wish.

“Dr. Lecter…, for this morning you will have two appointments. Mrs. Potter and Ms. Randall. Also-- Mr. Franklin said he might need to reschedule.” Your slightly breathy voice points out other appointments Hannibal has outside the office. Your work had become kind of a blend between his secretary and personal assistant, to be honest. It was actually Hannibal's idea to engage you more into work that’s not strictly his office related. Not that you are complaining because it let you take a peek on Hannibal’s other persona. Not to mention that the payment is pretty generous. 

Not once does Hannibal ask your input on what type of thing should be added in his office, and by that, you are pretty proud of yourself. Not a lot of people give any thought about your opinion. Although Hannibal, like when his office has this sleek look and somewhat minimalist style, he always mixes something that you could say was classic inside his office. You have been inside his office quite a lot, but sometimes you help him tidy up his books and document. He’s somewhat more of a hard copy type of person than a soft copy one. Like you. You like the smells of an old book although some of Hannibal’s books smell too clinical for you. Like the smells of a hospital or a place with a lot of disinfectants.  

Pretty proud of your experience as a librarian in the past, and knowing Hannibal is a perfectionist himself, you practically turned the side of his office into a perfect mini library. The medical record shorts are alphabetically arranged while his other books are listed by genre, then in an alphabetical manner as well. When Hannibal stays longer in the office, sometimes you catch him drawing. A hobby that he said he has since childhood. One day he told you, “Growing up, I found my hobby really useful when I decided to be a medical doctor.” and you can’t help but agree. After he finishes with what he sketches at that time, he specifically calls you into his office and shows you the final product. That action simply makes your heart flutter in excitement.

“Thank you, you can leave for now.” He gives you his subtle yet beautiful smile. Those eyes of his when he smiles always send some sort of quick rush to your brain.

Giving Hannibal a short nod, you quickly excuse yourself. You stumble upon your own shoe and almost fall, face first. Luckily you can prevent that from happening, hoping Hannibal doesn’t notice, although you think he did. Scurrying from his office, you station yourself on your spot. Continue typing and archiving what Hannibal asks you. 

Sipping your now cold latte, your eyes shift to the books next to your PC. It’s a book called Les Fleurs du mal renaissance, a volume about French poetry that Hannibal had lent you after you finish some short of psychology 101. You have read a few pages of it, and since it’s in French, it takes you some time to understand it. 

Sometimes Hannibal invites you to his office to let you read his book while he draws things. Trying not to get caught red-handed, you glance at him from the corner of your eyes, savoring the scene in front of you. Wondering what Hannibal actually does on his day off, is there anything he can’t do? Your brain likes to take a detour on what Hannibal does at home when he’s not seeing other people’s minds.

A soft clink of steps on the mahogany floor wood, momentary pauses your fingers on the keyboard. 

“Good morning Mrs. Potter.” you stand up immediately. Greet her with a polite, shy smile. One of the things you are still learning from working with Hannibal is being confident. Since the secretary is usually portrayed as bold and beautiful, while you on the other hand are quite the opposite, Hannibal makes sure you take your time to adapt from ‘less contact with people at work’ to ‘in contact with different people almost every day.’

“I’m here for my appointment.” her British accent tickles your ear. It’s rare for you to meet a Brit, especially as posh as Mrs. Potter. Although you never glance at a patient’s medical record, you do actually google them. When you find out Hannibal’s reputation, you know that most of his patients are a somewhat well-known person. Mrs. Potter is an owner of exquisite but limited jewelry store on the east coast. From several articles that you read, she has had quite a lot of scandal. Despite that, you will not deny her beauty. She may be quite older than you, but the way her cheekbones stay supple and very few wrinkles decorating her face sometimes makes you jealous. 

“Yes, sure. Please wait a moment,” immediately, you walk to Hannibal's office door that's just a foot away from your desk. Giving a soft knock, you open the door and inform Hannibal that Mrs. Potter is already here. He gives you a quick nod, and you open the door wider, to let Mrs. Potter start her session. 

Hannibal isn’t a strict boss. Or that’s actually what you thought about him. Of course, you are a professional employee as you can be, but sometimes you spend time reading the book you borrow from Hannibal between your desk job. Mostly because you already do whatever Hannibal tasks you with. On some occasions, you join Hannibal when he attends some appointments, such as when he needs to be a keynote speaker in a well-known conference around Maryland and DC. An experience that you guess is his way to widen your social ability. 

“Thank you Mrs. Potter. I’ll see you in the next session.” Hannibal’s accent cues you to stand up and bid your goodbye to Mrs. Potter. The rest of the day comes out like it usually is. Typing and arranging schedules for Hannibal while also scrolling on another book to read. Even though you were a librarian before, there’s just so many books and so little time to read. 

When it’s time for you to go home, you knock on Hannibal’s office door and open it slightly when he answers you with a soft, “come on in”. You excuse yourself while also giving Hannibal’s friend a smile. Although Hannibal doesn’t have a lot of appointments today, his friend, Jack Crawford visits the office and you know that means Hannibal will stay late until dinner time.   

*** 

The next day your work finished earlier than you thought so you spend some time at work to continue reading the poetry book. Some people may find it weird that you like to stay a little bit longer at work than going back home. There’s always this thought of knowing there is someone close to you, without the need to do conversations in every millisecond, calming. When your eyes shift to your gold bronze table clock, you haven’t realized that you are pretty late, as the sky already turns dark. 

You know Hannibal is still in the office and you plan to excuse yourself before it’s getting really late. You don’t want Hannibal to drive you back home since you feel embarrassed about it. He always makes sure you arrive at home safely when you spend more time at the office or going home pretty late since Baltimore isn’t the safest place on earth. However, there is always a thought in your head that Hannibal being a little bit protective towards you, his employee because you are just a much of a klutz and he feels responsible. 

You aren’t sure what possessed you to move too quickly and it just messes up your footing. The point of your left oxford shoes hit the castor office chair. Ungracefully you trip to the floor and bring the chair with you. The falling chair let out a loud bang while you landed on your hands and knees, grimacing in pain. 

You aren’t sure when but your brain kind of mid freeze for a second. When you look up, you see Hannibal crouching down and calling your name, worried, “-- are you ok? Can you stand up?”

“I--I’m ok Dr. Lecter,” you try to stand up but you hold up your right hand in a sign of I need a minute. 

Hannibal takes care of the office chair first, putting it back in its original position. He carefully lifts you up, supporting you and letting you sit back on your office chair. “I’m sorry my dear, but I need to check?” He asks you for your permission and you quickly give him your approval. With an expert examination of his hands, Hannibal checks your knees for any swelling or visual deformity. Since your past accident, you are prone to any joint and soreness on the knees. Delicately, he gives a little pat on both your knees. “I think everything is ok, you may need to have some pain killers.”

“Thank you Hannibal.” you blurt it out. Sometimes you call him by his first name when you aren’t in office hours, although rarely.

He graces you with that smile of his, subtle yet it always makes your heart quiver, the kind of smile you infrequently see. You notice that sometimes he has his professional smile, it is short and kind of cold. The smile you always notice when he meets his colleague. You don’t know a lot of Hannibal’s friends, but when he has some impromptu meeting with Jack, you slightly witness more smirk and sometimes there’s this naughty element like he is planning something evil, although humorously.

“Wait a minute, I will drive you home.” Hannibal left you to go inside his office. 

There’s a guilt in your stomach that you feel you are being a burden to your boss. When your concentration dispersed like vivid smoke, the corner of your eyes caught the beautiful woman you have seen a couple of times visiting the office. Unlike other women who mostly visit Hannibal for a session, this woman is indeed different. 

“Ms. Bloom.” You greet her. Your smile may look blankly courteous even, but you definitely are not in the mood to give her your big smile this evening.

“You look unwell, are you ok?” 

“I-- I’m ok.” you try to answer her, less tense.

“Alana?” your eyes shift to Hannibal as he opens his door.

“Hey, Hannibal. I try to call you but I thought I might as well just drop by.”

Hannibal’s eyes divert from you to Alana, and he gives Alana a quick nod, letting her quickly enter the office. “It will be quick. Can you wait for a while?” you give him a nod and smile at him nervously.

At first you aren’t sure why you are nervous but something finally clear on your head. Maybe you are jealous. You know a lot of women near Hannibal are not only beautiful, or rich, they are also acutely intelligent. Although you aren’t rich, you aren’t that bad looking and you will not say you aren’t intelligent but when you compare yourself to someone like Alana, there will always be inferiority engraved in your mind. Not to mention that she has known Hannibal longer and better than you.

Hannibal's office door opens and Alana exits the door with Hannibal following her. “I heard what happened to you from Hannibal.” Alana stops in front of your desk and gives you her sympathetic smile. “Get well soon.” She gives you a pat on your shoulder and says her goodbye to you and Hannibal.

“Shall we?” Hannibal changes his focus towards you and you nod in agreement. Let him help you out of the office. 

***

“So…,”

“So?” Hannibal glances at you momentarily while driving, asking you to continue what you have in mind.

“Dr. Bloom is really beautiful.” your small, joyless voice continues its sentence.

“Ah...yes indeed,” Hannibal replies casually. 

Your eyes glance at the dark street. Hannibal’s office is located in a quite busy place and it’s nice to see less traffic when you get out of the area. 

“Did both of you date?” you blurt it out. Your eyes widen in horrors as you blatantly just spill out something unprofessional. “Hanni-- Dr. Lecter, I-- I-- didn’t mean to pry on your personal life.” 

Hannibal looks at you and lets out a laugh. Something really rare, something that you even have witnessed. The crinkle on his eyes when he laughs lets his somewhat cool and calm demeanor melted. It takes you sometimes to register on what just happens. 

“I’m sorry my dear, that’s just quite funny.” Hannibal stops laughing and sends you a quick smile.

“Also that might not answer your question but the answer is no, Alana and I, we aren’t dating. I’m her mentor and our relationship is more of colleagues and friends.”    

You aren’t sure why you hold your breath, but after listening to Hannibal's answer, you let out a long exhale, feeling that something heavy has been lifted up from your shoulders. 

Hannibal’s Bentley stops in front of your apartment complex. Ever the gentleman that he is, Hannibal asks you if you need help. You decline his help as if you can’t embarrass yourself enough in one day. 

“Before you go, I have something to tell you.” Like a deer caught in a headlight, you look at Hannibal. He switches on the light inside the car and pulls his bag from the backseat. He handed you several papers that looked likely to be a job application. Your eyes widen, vision blurry as a sudden tears drop from your eyes. This is it, maybe Hannibal has enough of your clumsiness. He doesn’t find you worthy as he sometimes needs to ‘babysit you’ when you do something you don’t intend to do. 

Feeling that he may be approaching this the wrong way, Hannibal tries to comfort you. You put both of your hands in front of your chest, like a shield in a defensive manner. Try to accommodate his tall frame, awkwardly Hannibal turns his body to the passenger seat and embraces you. He shushing you and pat your heads 

When your silent cry turns into a hiccup but more calmer, Hannibal pulls away from you. With a stutter, you explain to Hannibal that you understand if he doesn’t want you to work with him again and you are thankful that he’s been a very great employer to you. 

“Hey,” Hannibal swipes the tears that rolls down on your cheeks with his thumbs, “--it’s not that. Look, my dear, the reason I handed this paper to you is not that I want to fire you, but I have been pretty impatient lately.”

You look at him, eyes full of question on what the fuck he means by that? Although you don’t let it out loud because you don’t want to make any rude comment. Because Hannibal doesn’t like that.

“I’m one of those people who do not agree with office romance.” 

Office? Romance? What the hell? No one has any romance in the office, you thought. 

“I have been pretty much intent to court you,” his eyes flicker to your lips and back to your reddish eyes. “Alana came today because she wants to give me the application personally, there’s a librarian vacancy in her University and I pretty much just want to hand it to you.” Your brain wiring, try to connect the words as if you forgot how to speak English.  

“Apologize if I’m being rude my dear, but I have observed you for some time and I encourage myself to just lay it all here so I didn’t make you upset. Of course, if I am proven wrong, you can stay and still work as my secretary. No harm, the position will always be yours.” 

“Hanni-- Hannibal, does this mean that you like ‘like’ me?” 

He answers you with a quick nod and the smile that always makes your heart flutter. You try to reach Hannibal but your knee prevents you from doing such a thing. Hannibal let out a small chuckle as he finds your difficulty quite amusing. 

You eye him in disbelief but your anger melts right away as his face gets closer to yours. His right hand's cup at the side of your face as his lips inches closer towards you. With eyes close, you feel the brushes of Hannibal’s lips. The kiss is soft and delicate as if he is just testing the water. 

You let your hands sneak at the back of his collar as you seek more contact. Both of your lips slide and glide against each other. Letting out a whimper, you grant Hannibal’s tongue to slip past your lips. Teasing and flicking languidly, exploring something that makes you shudders in want. 

After some time, Hannibal withdraws his lips from yours. Eyes fluttering open, you can see Hannibal’s pupils expand. He let his foreheads rest at yours while his hand still cups on your face. “So...I believe it is a 'yes''?” There's humor in his voice. 

With a broad smile and less reddish eyes, you answer Hannibal with a confident nod and grant him another kiss on the lips.

__

As always, like, comment and reblog are really appreciated ❤️. Let me know what you think about this xo

[itsmeevie01]

Bio Dad Bruce Day 16- Father-Daughter Dance (Gala Part 2)

As Marinette smiled at her friend’s antics, the girls had been standing on the edge of what would eventually become a dance floor. On the other side of the crowd, her father was mingling with Business partners that Tim hadn’t made it to. Dick had started to mingle with the socialites and Damien was scowling and standing close to the eldest. Out of the corner of her eye, Marinette could see Jason standing in a corner watching the room for trouble. Nearby, Cass was smiling and watching the crowds while Steph chatted with her. 

When Bruce moved, Marinette’s eyes tracked where he was going, until she realized that her father was going to greet the Agrestes. She knew that as soon as the duo had been greeted, they would separate and start to mingle. While almost at ease with any other guest at her father’s gala, Marinette was cautious about Adrien. He would react, she knew, but she wasn’t sure if it would be positive or negative. With the blond, it could go either way. As the girls watched the exchange apprehensively, a family came into view. The trio were dressed in matching greys and seemed to draw attention away from themselves. When the boy scanned the room, he locked eyes with Chloe and the heiress’ eyes widened before she moved to march over to him. As she made her way over, she pulled her two friends behind her, insisting that they keep pace. The blonde’s red gown swayed as she moved. Her eyes lasered onto the teen’s figure. “Felix! I was wondering when I would see you. Why haven’t you come to see me at the hotel?” the taller teen turned towards the trio with wide grey eyes.

“Chloe?” his parents turned to him, drawn to the conversation.

“Marinette, Alix, meet Felix Cupla. His family is close with my dad, and he is attending a private school in Paris.” Felix nodded to both of them and held out his hand to shake. As the four started to relax into conversation, Marinette scanned the older teen. He wore a well fitted suit, dress shoes, and shining silver cufflinks. His pale blue tie played with his ash blond hair. As he spoke, she could tell that he was observing her as well. When she went to focus back in on the conversation, the sound of a microphone coming to life caught the attention of the guests at the gala. Marinette turned to see her father standing on the raised platform that the musicians had been stationed on. Once he had everyone’s attention, Bruce Wayne started in on his welcome and thank you speech. As he spoke, Marinette noticed her brothers congregating together off to the side with Steph. The girl jumped slightly as her sister placed a hand on her shoulder and gestured for her to join the others. While the slipped off, Marinette sent her friends a small wave.

When her father came to join the quickly growing group off in the corner, the others quickly started talking all at once. Bruce held up his hand for silence. Once they had tapered off, he spoke to his children. “you know the drill. Pick someone to dance with without causing too much trouble. We want this to go smoothly. “while to others all nodded and started to disperse, Bruce held both Marinette and Damien back. “Marinette will dance with me, and Damien?” the boy turned towards their father, “please be nice to Miss Kyle. She has graciously agreed to dance with you for the family dance, but you have to treat her with at least a modicum of respect.” The boy scowled but nodded and stormed off to find his father’s girlfriend who he had taken to insulting. After watching Damien storm off, Bruce turned to Marinette. “Shall we?”

their own partners out. On the other side of the space, Marinette saw one of Tim’s friends walk Cass onto the floor. Even Steph had managed to snag one of her friends and guide them onto the floor. (Marinette would be willing to bet almost anything that there was a dare involved. If she had voiced her opinion, she would have been met with laughter and guilty glances. The only way Roy Harper would ever make it onto the dance floor was by dare.) When the conductor gave Bruce a small nod, he turned to Marinette and quirked an eyebrow at her. After the teen had nodded in agreement that she was ready, he sent a nod to the conductor and the father-daughter pair started to move. Bruce easily moved her though the easy steps of the dance. When they got closer to people, they could hear the whispers. Bruce Wayne had introduce Cass the same way, so it wasn’t a surprise, but the guests had thought the teen was too comfortable at the Gala to be new to the whole scene.

In the Crewe Group Chat (that night)

Chlo has added Felix C.

Felix C. has changed his name to Felix

Chlo: omg

Chlo: MARINETTE

Alix: Mari, you killed it!

Cho: Mari, you are duty bound to go to galas in Paris now.

Alix: MARI YOUR DANCING????

Adrien: I feel like a fool? WHY DIDN’T I PUT IT TOGETHER THAT YOU WERE BASICIALLY SAYING!

Nino: dude, we legit told you. You just continue to be denser than a brick.

Mari: lolololololololol

Mari: also, welcome Felix!

Adrien: oh yeah, Chloe, DID YOU HAVER TO ADD MY COUSIN?

Mari: wait…you two are cousins?

Chlo: see, you would know this, if you would have gone to a gala in Paris with me, M.

Kim: how did it go?

Nino: yeah M, did everything go well?

Alix: I know you were worried about dancing with your dad, but you looked fantastic. Did you enjoy it?

Mari: I did! It wasn’t nearly as stuffy as Jason made it out to be either…

Chlo: Marinette! I’ve told you! Your brother just doesn’t like cleaning up. Everyone knows that.

Mari: I mean… your right?

Mari: Oh! You should have seen Tim’s face when he saw the texts that Lila sent to the class GC

Nino: what did he say?

Mari: if this keeps up, she can expect a lawsuit.

Chlo: HA!

 Class Group Chat

Alya: Um

Alya: guys? Did any of you watch the red carpet?

Alya: or see the dancing?

Lila: what happened?

Alya: I’m not talking about you, Lila. I mean literally everyone but Chloe, Adrien, Alix, and Mari

Marinette: *Marinette

Alya: um, did I lose nickname privileges?

Chlo: bitch. You never had them?

Nino: I didn’t really pay much attention outside of Mari’s and Alix’s stories. Everyone knows that they have the best content.

Chlo: I still think that the dance that Tim and Mari had was the best!

Marinette: let’s just be happy my brother thought ahead and taught me to dance. Otherwise, he would have ended up making me look ridiculous.

Adrien: I’m still shocked Felix actually danced with you.

Chlo: true. He is a bit of a grumpy cat…

sorry this is crazy late! yall know ive been a lil busy... expect multipul posts a day starting tomorrow until i catch back up. ill cover what happens after the gala soon...

OMG theres a tag list.... @trippingovermyfeet @smolplantmum

[lunalovvvess]

I JUST mopped

Summary: based off of this ask/answer from @christhebish​ and @himbohargreeves​

Warnings: mentions of blood, cops, guns, and knives

•••

You really didn’t mind being the night shift manager. Really. Sure, the cafe was in a sketchy part of town, and yeah, the odd drunk person threw up on the floor, but you and your crew could handle it.

After all, you handled Rex’s stalker situation, Lisa breaking her water mid-shift, AND the Espresso Machine Fire of ‘17. You could handle a lot, but apparently your mother couldn’t handle going to your cousin’s wedding alone, and insisted you go as her plus one to the wedding. That was in the Appalachian Mountains.

You lost a week of work (thankfully, Rex kept the place running but still), and when you finally trudged back to the cafe, you were just hoping that the floors had been recently mopped. You did not expect to see Rex leaning over the counter, making heart eyes at the guy in the corner booth. You bump shoulders with him in your way past.

“Where’s Kendra?”

Rex finally looks at you.

“Hello to you too. She’s making out with her girlfriend. Don’t worry, she still has like, 10 minutes of her break left. How was the wedding?”

You tie your apron around your waist, double checking to make sure all your stuff was still in the pockets.

“Glad to see things haven’t changed. And the cake was made of fondant.”

Rex scrunches his face as he grabs a spray bottle.

“Gross. And there has been a new change around here.”

You don’t look up from the clipboard in your hands, skimming the supply lists.

“Oh?”

There’s no answer from Rex, but the sound of footsteps approaching the register makes you look up.

The guy from the corner booth is standing at the counter, and he’s, well, you understand Rex’s heart eyes. He also has a nasty looking black eye, but it’s nothing you’ve never seen before. Rex has noticed him by now, and practically skips to take his order.

“What can I get you handsome?”

The guy clears his throat awkwardly.

“Can I, uh, get a coffee?”

You tune out the rest of the conversation, trying to figure out how your crew used a month’s supply of caffeine shots in a week. Did the university have surprise exams again?

You’re pulled out of your thoughts by Kendra’s voice.

“Welcome back. You’ve already seen Rex drooling over the new regular?”

She’s washing her hands as you turn to her.

“Yeah, now mind explaining to me how we’re down a months supply caffeine shots?”

Kendra grins, tightening her apron.

“Okay so remember that robotics contest? Well they suddenly moved their deadline back a week, so we had...”

•••

Things settled back into a routine pretty quickly. You poured coffee, served danishes, kicked out influencers, and generally just tried to make sure the place couldn’t be shut down by the health department. The only addition was the new regular.

Every night, without fail, the guy showed up, usually with a new cut, bruise, or bloodstain, and ordered a coffee. Then, he sat in the corner both, while Rex made lovesick sighs in his direction.

Two days in, you asked him why he didn’t talk to the guy. Rex takes the opportunity to drape himself dramatically over the display case.

“I did! I’ve flirted with him, did the Elle Woods bend n’ snap, I even offered him my number! Do you know what he did?”

You don’t even get to answer before Rex barrels on.

“He didn’t even notice! He told me his phone was broken!”

“And you believed him?”

“Lisa saw him toss a broken phone in the trash in his way in. She didn’t tell me until afterwards and now I’m too embarrassed to face him. Do you think I should transfer to the day shift?”

You roll your eyes, and hand Rex a mop.

“Don’t you dare. If you leave me by myself, I’ll throw away your comic books.”

Rex whines, but he takes the mop.

•••

Thankfully, the crush only lasts another week. Rex gets a glimpse of the new delivery man and has his number three days later.

The regular (no longer new) still comes in, battered and bloodied. But he never got any on the floor so you didn’t mind too much. You were curious, sure, but not enough to be creating theories like Kendra was.

Speaking of Kendra, her break was over 15 minutes ago. You step away from the counter to find her when the regular walks in. Well, limps in.

He looks surprised to see you at the register which is... fair. Usually it’s a fight between Rex and Kendra to take his order. Rex, so he could ogle on the clock, and Kendra, so she could try and confirm whatever theory she’s come up with this week. Thankfully, he doesn’t notice.

You’re staring, specifically at the growing bloodstain on his leg. It’s okay, he’s also staring at you. A beat passes before he clears his throat.

“Can I get a coffee?”

You nod.

“Yeah. That’ll be 3.50.”

He hands you a crumbled up five.

“Keep the change.”

“Thanks.”

Your voice is sarcastic, but his money is genuine, so he gets his coffee and settles himself into his usual booth with a pained grunt.

You, very kindly, ignore it, and go about hunting down your wayward crew member.

•••

You had JUST mopped the floors.

Which is not the best thought to be running through your head during a robbery but there it is. The people holding you and your crew at gunpoint had tracked crud all over the floor. The floor that you literally JUST mopped.

“Eyes on me!”

The gunman in front of you shouts for your attention. You stand in front of your crew, and straighten up. Gently, you move your hand out of Rex’s and untangle Kendra’s hand from your apron ties. They’re scared, and you are too, but this is your place, and you’re not about to let a guy wearing pantyhose over his face tell you what to do.

“Give me all the money in the register!”

You were expecting that, and move towards the register. The guy watches you, but his hands are shaking. His partner is no better, but he still has a gun pointed at your crew.

It’s still early in the shift, so the stack of cash you have for them is... tiny. When you place it on the counter, their jaws drop.

“That’s it?”

You nod.

“Day shift clears out their profits before we get here. This is all we’ve made.”

They don’t like that, and the guy closest to you levels his gun to your face. Your eyes cross trying to look at the barrel.

“Where’s the safe.”

Rex barks out a laugh, but quickly smothers it behind his hands. The gun, and the person holding it, comes closer, pressing against your forehead.

“Why’s he laughing?”

You ignore the cold metal, and focus on keeping the shakes you feel in your hands out of your voice.

“We don’t have a safe.”

You feel the gun press harder against your forehead when the sound of breaking glass draws everyone’s attention.

Before you can see who it was, a knife whizzes past and jabs itself into the arm that’s holding a gun to your forehead. The guy barely has time to scream before another one lands itself in his leg. He drops, and you take the opportunity to duck behind the counter with the rest of your crew.

There’s more screaming, and the sound of punches being thrown, but no gunshots. You peek above the counter, ignoring Kendra’s whispered protests.

A figure in black is grappling with one of two gunmen. The other is yelling and holding his leg... which is bleeding on your floor. Damn it. A grunt draws your attention and you see the person in black take an elbow to the gut. You wince in sympathy.

The other gunmen is attempting to get up now, and you see that your savior(?) has their back turned. You quickly reach for the tip jar, heavy with coins and made of hard plastic , and push it as hard as you can across the counter. Luckily, it rockets across and falls on the gunmen’s head, knocking him out. Even better, it doesn’t break.

The noise catches the attention of the person in black, and when you get a glimpse of his face you have to hold back a yelp. Because you recognize him. You frantically reach behind you and tap your crew.

“Come look, quickly!”

Lisa, the reasonable one, shakes her head and you notice that she’s typing frantically on her phone. Good.

Rex and Kendra squish up beside you, and peek over the counter with caution. Their eyes widen when they see what you’re talking about. There, in a tiny domino mask that does NOTHING to hide his identity, is the regular.

Rex groans, while Kendra cackles (quietly).

“You owe me ten bucks and a frappe!”

You pull them back behind the counter, and Lisa rolls her eyes at the three of you.

“I talked to the owner, and he said that we don’t have health insurance so we should try not to get shot.”

The whoop of a siren interrupts Lisa, and you all groan in unison. There’s the sound of glass crunching, and you peek over the counter and come face to face with the regular. He stares awkwardly, and the police lights shine over his face. You have to stop yourself from asking if he wants his usual. Instead, you smile at him.

“Thanks.”

The regular nods, and looks around. The way he came in now has cops, so you helpfully point to the back entrance.

Lisa taps you to get your attention, and when you look back, he’s gone.

•••

You’re back in business the next day, with plywood over the window and a floor cleaned by the day-shift.

The regular walks in, as usual, and comes up to the register. You’re glad Rex and Kendra took their breaks at the same time, because the regular looks like he’s trying super hard to be casual.

“Can I get a coffee?”

You nod. He pays, gets his coffee, and walks to his normal booth. It’s business as usual, except for the fact that you now know he runs around at night with knives.

You’re so lost in thought that you don’t notice that another person is at the register. They clear their throat and you look up to see them flashing a badge.

“Can I speak to the manager?”

You raise an eyebrow and look down at your name tag that clearly states ‘manager’.

“Speaking. Is this about last night?”

The cop?detective? nods and whips out photo from his pocket.

“We’ve apprehended the suspects but there’s evidence that there was a person of interest on the scene last night.”

You stare at him blankly, until he gives a frustrated huff and practically shoves the photo in your face.

“Have you seen this man?”

You look at the photo. It’s definitely the regular. Rex and Kendra come in while you’re looking, and you turn to them.

“He wants to know if we’ve seen this guy.”

They both look at the photo, and shake their heads. You turn back to him.

“No one’s seen that guy. But we were behind the counter for a bit.”

The man shoved the photo back in his pocket with his badge, red in the face.

“Someone from the station will be in touch.”

He storms out without a glance. Rex and Kendra go to wash their hands and clock back in. You make a cup of coffee, and walk towards the corner booth.

The regular looks up as you get closer. You set the coffee down in front of him.

“I didn’t pay for this.”

Shrugging, you turn to go back to the counter.

“I know. Consider it a thank you.”

You don’t see his reaction, but when you get back to the counter he’s still staring at the coffee in shock.

Heading to the back for your break, you bump shoulders with Rex.

“I told you, the night shift isn’t so bad.”

[silverarmedassassin]

To Save Me From Tears

Pairing: Bucky x Reader  Word Count: 2853 Warnings: Jealousy. Clueless Bucky™️ A/N: This was one of the first ones I wrote! It actually helped give me the idea to write all 25 days! I’m not sure how I like the ending (I struggled a lot with finishing this for some reason), but here it is. Day four!

Summary: Another year, another Stark Christmas Party. But this year, karaoke is involved and, even though you didn’t plan on getting up there, sometimes a song is the only way to express your feelings.  

2019 Christmas Masterlist 

“You’ll save me a dance, right Sergeant?” you ask coyly as you finish tying Bucky’s tie. It was light blue, the exact color of his eyes. He smiles down at you as you flatten the collar of his black-on-black suit, those eyes crinkling edges.

“‘Course. Wouldn’t dream of missing the opportunity to dance with the prettiest girl in the room.” He adjusts his sleeves as he examines his reflection in the metal of the elevator door.

You turn around to look at yourself as well, admire the way your cranberry-colored dress sways as you do so. You couldn’t help but notice Bucky did the same, his eyes traveling up the long skirt, up to the lacey bodice. When his gaze finally lands on your face, you can see, even in the distorted reflection, that his cheeks are now bright pink.

“Come on,” he grumbles shyly, grabbing your lace-covered arm as the doors opened. “Stark won’t like it if we’re late.”

You and Bucky weren’t together. Yes, he sent you the coveted “good morning” and “good night” texts every day, and invited you as his plus one to more than your fair share of game nights with the Avengers, but it was because he was a genuinely nice guy. A nice superhero guy.

There was nothing special or super about you. You worked in the public relations department for crying out loud, slaving around the clock to fix any screw-up the team made and making sure the public absolutely adored them. Bucky would never be interested in you, not when he was surrounded by agents and literal super-humans.

Everyone else disagreed, however. Even Tony made a point to tell both of you that if a move wasn’t made soon he would be forced to interfere. And that was the last thing you needed.

That’s why you decided tonight would be the night you were finally going to say something to Bucky. It was a perfect time - after all, there’s nothing more romantic than confessing your love for someone amid the overly-crowded Annual Stark Christmas Party.

Avengers, agents, and employees like yourself were spread out across the Compound. It turns out the room Tony had built specifically for press conferences doubled as a great dance floor.

You were out on the terrace with a group of your coworkers, watching as liquored-up bodies crammed together like sardines. Outside was just as beautiful as the inside - strands of white, twinkling Christmas lights bordered the open doors, and the standing tables were adorned with crystal votives. Stark hadn’t left a single pebble unturned when it came to this party, so the state-of-the-art heaters littering the space fought off the mid-December chill. It was just warm enough to be comfortable, but still several degrees cooler than inside. Perfect for a breather.

You were only half-listening to the conversation you had found yourself in, your focus more on the happenings around you. You could hear Thor singing off-key to Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You.” How they convinced the God of freaking Thunder of all people to participate in Christmas karaoke was beyond you, but you were thrilled it was happening.

You smiled as you took a sip of your spiced cider, relishing in the way you could feel the warmth travel from your tongue to your belly as you drink. Maybe after another couple of these, you would finally get the courage to go talk to Bucky.

A hand flapping in front of your face draws you from your thoughts.

“Hello, earth to Y/N,” David, one of the IT guys said.

You feel heat spread across your face and you know it’s not from the cider. “I’m sorry, what?”

David huffs and your little group snickers to themselves. “We were asking about your plans for the holidays. Since Stark gave us the next two weeks off…”

“She was busy looking for Loverboy,” Carley says. You roll your eyes at your officemate’s snark.

“I was not looking for Bucky.”

“I didn’t even mention a name! Ha! I think I know what her plans are for Christmas.” She wiggles her eyebrows at you suggestively and everyone burst into laughter.

“It’s not like that,” you whisper, turning your attention back to the crowd inside.

“The man brings you lunch more days than not, walks you to your car when you stay late, and invites you to family game night. Almost every week, may I add.” Carley points an accusatory finger at you. “I’ve been here for seven years and I haven’t even been invited. It’s been six months for you! He’s got it bad.”

You could feel the embarrassment creeping back to your cheeks. Finishing off your cider in one massive gulp, you turn to the group. “I’m going to get another drink. Anyone need a refill?”

“Classic deflection,” David mutters as they all wave you off. You knew this conversation wasn’t over, but you were happy to dodge it for the time being.

You shove your way through the crowd that was now cheering for Thor. He bows dramatically before passing the mic off to Natasha, who is deeply focused on finding a song. The familiar, sultry notes of “Santa Baby” start to chime through the hall. You’d expect nothing less from Nat.

Finally, you make it to the bar, where you find Steve and Sam in the middle of a heated debate about which era produced the best Christmas music. Steve, of course, is partial to the early 1900s, while Sam insists Michael Bublé is the best Christmas singer to ever grace this earth. You chuckle as you slide your empty flute to the bartender and wait for a new drink.

“Ah, there she is!” Sam finally acknowledges your appearance, effectively ending the frivolous debate. He pulls you in for a quick side hug before Steve does the same. “Where have you been hiding? Been lookin’ for you all night!”

“I’ve been...around. Mostly trying to dodge getting drafted for karaoke. I’m not drunk enough for that yet.” You laugh as you watch Natasha shaking her hips on stage. “I don’t think I’ll ever be drunk enough for that.”

The boys follow your gaze. “Nonsense. You’d have all the men eating out of your hand if you got up there,” Sam sasses as your drink is slid towards you.

You hum in response, ignoring the comment as best as you could. “Have you guys seen Bucky? I uh, need to talk to him.”

Sam and Steve share a knowing look. “Are you finally going to say something to the pathetic sap?” Steve laughs as he peers at you over his whiskey tumbler.

Before you can reply, a familiar, gruff laugh drifts over to where the three of you are standing. Your heart leaps a little as you turn and spot the top of Bucky’s head, hair starting to fall loosely out of the bun at the nape of his neck.

Taking another drag of your cider and straightening your poster, you get ready to make your way over to him. Before you can get more than a step away from Steve and Sam, you’re frozen on the spot. Standing across from Bucky, using one of the tall tables as a rest, is a tall blonde. Her eyes crinkle as she touches Bucky’s left arm as she laughs at something he’s said. He never let anyone touch his metal limb. A slight pang of red-hot jealousy washes over you.

This was it. This is exactly what you meant when you said Bucky would never fall for someone like you. Not when there were women like her floating around the Compound, all fit and beautiful. This woman, who you come to recognize as one of the newest agents Natasha had recruited, exudes so much confidence that you can literally feel it from where you’re standing several feet away. She’s a literal vision in icy blue, the exact color of Bucky’s eyes. And that damn tie.

Steve clears his throat from behind you, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder obviously trying to pull your attention away from the scene in front of you. You harshly shrug him off. You didn’t want his pity, nor did you want to hear the trademark Captain speech you knew always followed tense emotional situations. You watch as the woman leans closer to Bucky as he says something into her ear. She smiles again, a flash of something in her eyes and she takes a sip of her drink. You’d seen enough.

“Excuse me,” you say, downing your almost-full flute of cider and ditching it on the bartop. Before either of the men can stop you, you’re shoving through the crowd. You’re on a mission and nothing was going to stop you.

You make it to the front of the room in record time, stopping right in front of the make-shift stage where Natasha is finishing her performance. You catch her eye and she gives you a devilish smirk. “Y/N!” she yells into the mic. “Your turn!”

The crowd, despite more than half of them not knowing you, goes crazy. Good. They gave you the little needed confidence you need to pull this off. You knew exactly what song you’d be singing, exactly who you’d be singing to. You climb up the few steps of the platform and graciously take the microphone. It only takes you a few moments to find the song, and you let all nerves and self-conscious thoughts melt away as the retro beat of “Last Christmas” fills the room.

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart But the very next day you gave it away This year, to save me from tears I’ll give it to someone special

You let your gaze linger further out than just the group of people bobbing along in front of the platform. You spot Natasha by the bar, talking animatedly at Sam, who is shrinking in on himself like a wounded dog. Was she scolding him?

Once bitten and twice shy I keep my distance But you still catch my eye Tell me, baby Do you recognize me? Well, it’s been a year It doesn’t surprise me

Thank god he’s tall because there’s no way you would have been able to see Steve’s blonde head making its way through the crowd if he was as short as he was once upon a time. He’s headed straight towards Bucky, who has abandoned the blonde he was flirting with earlier to watch you.

You’re surprised when, instead of feeling triumphant in your ability to get Bucky’s attention, you’re filled with anger. Maybe a little tinge of regret for not telling him how you felt sooner. Definitely a surge of self-loathing and despair. Damn alcohol. You make eye-contact as best as you can with Bucky as you start belting the next verses.

A crowded room, friends with tired eyes I’m hiding from you, and your soul of ice My god, I thought you were someone to rely on Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on

You watch as Steve begins, what you can only assume, scolding Bucky. He’s yanking his hands this way and that, occasionally pulling them through his hair. Bucky breaks eye contact, briefly looking at his best friend in front of him before looking back to you.

The blonde agent is long forgotten now.

When the last line is belted out, storm off the stage and make towards the main hall. You were no longer in the Christmas spirit, and you definitely didn’t want to talk to Bucky off all people right now. You just wanted to sit on your couch with a bottle of cheap wine and wallow in self-pity. Unfortunately, it seems your Christmas wish isn’t coming true tonight.

“Y/N!” Bucky huffs as he runs up behind you, gently grabbing your arm to stop you. “I’ve been looking for you all night!”

You contemplate trying to pull away, but you know it’s no use with his strength. You take a deep breath in an attempt to bury the emotions you’re feeling before turning to face him. The look of pure excitement and happiness on his face cued you in on the fact he didn’t know you were upset.

“I’m sure you were,” you mumbled as you looked down at his hand still holding onto your arm.

“I can’t believe you got up there and sang,” he laughs, dropping his hand and using his metal one to rub the back of his neck. “I was just telling Yelena that…” Bucky trailed off when he noticed you stiffen at the mention of, who you could assume, the blonde agent you had seen him with not 20 minutes ago.

“Uh, yea well...” You shrug not knowing what to say to that. “I’m not really in the party mood anymore, so I’m going to head out. Better go find Yelena again” You know you’re being petty, but it’s more out of anger at yourself for getting your hopes up than anything. 

“What? No, I can walk you out if you’d like?” 

Before you can respond, a heavily accented voice breaks through the crowd you’d edged your way out of. 

“James! There you are!” Yelena says as she shoves her way out into the hall. “You ran off so quickly I wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

“Yea, everything’s fine. I found Y/N and didn’t want to lose her again,” Bucky turned back to you then a beaming smile on his face. “Y/N, this is Yelena. I uh, knew her back when Soldier was in control...”

“It’s so nice to finally meet you,” Yelena interjects, holding her hand out for you to shake. “I’ve heard so much about you tonight. I was about ready to come to find you myself so this sap would shut it.”

She nudges Bucky in the ribs and he grumbles in response. 

“You know, I was just about to say how happy I am that Nat brought you here, but I take even the thought back.”

Yelena snorts and rolls her eyes. “Anyway, I’m going to leave you two to it. Sam challenged Natalia and me to a drinking game. I have some ass to kick.” And just like that, the blonde disappeared back into the crowd. 

As you and Bucky watch Yelena walk away, you couldn’t help but laugh. Watching the way they interacted made you realize that you may have slightly overreacted. Thanks, insecurity. 

“What?” Bucky asks, turning to look at you. 

“I’m just realizing how stupid I am.”

You look to Bucky and are met with a look of confusion. “What do you...Oh, you though...Yelena and...” He lets out a genuine belly laugh then, one that would normally warm your entire body but now makes you want to punch him. 

“Don’t laugh at me,” you pout, crossing your arms across your chest in defense.

“I’m sorry,��� Bucky gasps between laughs. “It’s just, I’ve known Yelena since she was younger. Watched her grow up, even if it was from afar. Her attitude reminds me so much of Becca that I practically see her as my little sister!”

Bucky grabbed your hand as the karaoke faded away into the live-music portion of the night. I instrumental version of “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” started to float through the room. 

"I meant it when I said you were the prettiest girl in the room. I spent the entire night fighting with myself on trying to find you. Yelena was trying her hardest to get me to you but, I guess I was just nervous. The truth is,” he says as he brings his other hand to rest on your lace-covered waist, “I really like you.

“And I know everyone is always making comments about how we, ya know...I just didn’t wanna ruin anything. But,” he starts gently swaying you both the music then. The grin on his face reminds you of pictures of old footage of him back during the war, back when he wouldn’t have given a second thought about coming right up and asking you to dance. “When I saw you up there singin’, it reminded me just how beautiful you are. And how sweet, and gentle you are with me even though hell knows I don’t deserve it.

“So, I guess this is just my roundabout way of askin’ you to be my girl. Because I’d be stupid to let someone like you get away from me.”

“Buck,” you whisper as you step closer into his embrace. You blink rapidly trying to fight back the tears that are threatening to fall down your face. “I never realized how big of a sap you really are.”

This helps break the tension, and Bucky lets out a soft chuckle. “Is that a yes then, pretty girl?”

You smile as you lean in and rest your head against his shoulder. You let yourself get enveloped by the smell of the cologne you gave him as an early Christmas present specifically for tonight’s party. “Of course, Bucky. I’ll be your girl.”

[shirtlesssammy]

5x22: Swan Song

In light of recent news, we thought we’d finally tackle what might have been the end (until someone went and made a demon deal, giving us 10 more years of our beloved show!) It’s weird watching this and seeing what a bummer this all would have been if it had ended like this. Sure, it was epic, but I guess I’m a sucker for a happy ending when it’s about characters I’ve come to love more than my own family. I’m also going to point to this Twitter thread about good and bad show endings. Swan Song wouldn’t have been bad had we only had TFW for five years, but we’ve watched them grow over 15 years now, and I want to see them get some peace. (Thanks to all the meta writers for throwing out the much needed hope!)

The Road So Far:

Carry on my wayward son...

Now:

We open with Chuck Shurley narrating the origin story of the most important object in pretty much the entire universe. And I’m literally two minutes into rewatching this episode and already crying. He’s tells us about it’s original owner, Sal Moriarty. (Oh, Eric Kripke, of course it was.)

And how, after he died, it ended up in the hands of John Winchester, after some persuasion by his time traveling son.

Fade to Sam and Dean in Bobby’s salvage yard, drinking beer from the little green cooler. Dean tells Sam that he’s “in” on having Sam say yes to the devil.

Dean acknowledges that Sam can make his own choices. “Watching out for you? That’s kinda been my job, you know? More than that, it’s kinda who I am.” Seeing this image Dean has of himself shift to NOT be this is really great. Dean asks if this is really what Sam wants. Sam is more resigned than enthusiastic to the plan, obv.

Cut to Team Free Will collecting demon blood like they’re stocking up for the apocalypse (err..). Dean confers with Bobby about Lucifer’s location and they determine it is Detroit.

Once on the road, Dean can’t help but notice what a cute, slumbering angel he has in the backseat. Sam logically points out that angels don’t sleep. They talk about their plan, the odds of it working, and the reality that Sam won’t be coming back from the cage. Sam makes Dean promise that he won’t try and get him back. Dean balks at the idea. Sam makes him promise that he’ll find Lisa and live “some normal, apple pie life.”

Once in Detroit, the group finds many demons out and about. Sam and Bobby have a moment. Then Sam asks Cas to “take care of these guys” for him. Cas tells Sam that it isn’t possible. Sam asks him to humor him. Cas catches on just a little too late that he’s supposed to lie. Oh Cas, you beautiful, literal goob.

Sam then gets to the business of downing four gallons of demon blood. With that done, Sam and Dean turn themselves in to the demons, who bring them to Lucifer.

Chuck continues his monologue on the Impala. He mentions the unimportant features, and then mentions the important features: Sam’s green army man, Dean’s legos, Sam and Dean’s initials. The devil doesn’t know or care about their car.

The devil wants to know what Sam and Dean are up to.

Sam says he’s ready to say “yes.” The devil reveals that he knows they have the rings that will reopen the Cage. Fuuuuuck. Sam tries bluffing, but the jig is up. Dean’s look of anguish is devastating. Lucifer likes his odds on the battle that will happen in Sam’s head. He agrees. Before Dean can do anything more than say “No”, Sam says “Yes.”

A bright light flashes and Dean finds Sam knocked out on the floor. He throws the rings on the wall and gets to opening the door to Hell. Sammy awakens and Dean helps him towards the portal. Only, PSYCH! It’s actually Lucifer. Sam didn’t stand a chance against him. He closes the portal and takes the rings.  

Once away from Dean, Lucifer has a moment with Sam, where Sam makes it very clear that he’s not done fighting.

Lucifer appeals to Sam’s worst feelings about himself, but says he wants Sam to be happy. Sam doesn’t want anything from Lucifer. Lucifer then points out the group of demons behind him. They’re all people Sam knew in his life --they were all watching Sam for Azazel.

Dean, Bobby, and Cas are watching the fallout to Sam saying yes.

Shallow Sidenote:

(Those curls!)

Cas suggests they “imbibe copious quantities of alcohol and just wait for the inevitable blast wave.” GRIM, DUDE --but he ain’t wrong. Cas doesn’t think there’s any way they can stop Lucifer and Michael meeting. Dean is not giving up (and he’s desperate guys -his insult at Cas was way harsh). Bobby’s even resigned to the reality of the situation.

We cut back to the room full of demons, but they’re all dead this time. Lucifer smugly looks at Sam in the mirror. “We having fun yet?” Ugh, Lucifer, you’re the worst.

Chuck’s narration cuts in like a road narrative, all misty colored and gentle. “They could go anywhere and do anything. They drove one thousand miles for an Ozzy show, two days for a Jayhawks game. And when it was clear, they'd park her in the middle of nowhere, sit on the hood, and watch the stars for hours without saying a word.” This beautiful interlude dissipates with a phone call and Chuck picks up, expecting Mistress Magda. (Eyebrow waggle.) LOL, nope! It’s Dean.

“You got a real virgin / hooker thing going on, don’t you?” Dean observes. Excuse me while I laugh forever over this line, with the confirmed Chuck-is-God context. Dean wants to know where the fight will happen. It’ll be at Stull Cemetery at high noon, just outside of Lawrence. Chuck doesn’t have any more useful information than that…but it’s a place to start.

Bobby and Cas try to prevent Dean from heading to Lawrence to intervene in the upcoming archangel showdown but their arguments are weak sauce compared to Dean’s need to save Sam. He heads off alone to Stull.

The cemetery is wispy with mist and bedraggled with age. Michael (wearing Adam) flaps in to greet Lucifer. (Side note: Saying that Michael is “wearing Adam” sounds like Adam is a fashion designer. In this epic showdown, Michael has been dressed by the FABULOUS Adam!) 

Both brothers seem regretful, but ultimately resolved. Lucifer questions why they’re fighting if neither of them wants to do it. Michael trots out the old “duty” argument. Lucifer offers an alternative: “We’re going to kill each other. And for what? One of Dad's tests. And we don't even know the answer. We're brothers. Let's just walk off the chessboard.” Hey, guys. It’s a really good point. It’s also an intentional mirror of Dean, Sam, and John that I refuse to stop getting emotional about.

Michael’s tempted for a moment. Damn serpent!! “I’m a good son,” Michael decides. “You haven't changed a bit, little brother. Always blaming everybody but yourself.” This is also an excellent fucking point, man. The rumble’s still on.

Speaking of rumbling, Dean approaches in Baby with Def Leppard cranked up loud. FUCK YEAH. “Sorry, am I interrupting something?” To quote Tess McGreer’s Twitter feed: MY SON!

Michael’s not into the whole threesome battle, and heads threateningly towards Dean when the camera cuts suddenly to Castiel and Bobby who have just flapped in. “Hey, assbutt!” Castiel shouts before lobbing a holy oil molotov cocktail at Michael. Bless.

Michael poofs away. “You got your five minutes,” Cas says to Dean just before Lucifer explodes him. NOOOOOOO

Lucifer’s pretty crabby by this point, so when Dean tries to verbally reach Sam again, he hurls Dean into Baby. Bobby shoots futilely at Lucifer before Lucifer snaps his neck. NOOOOOOO

“Sammy, are you in there?” Dean asks desperately. PROTECT.

“He’s gonna feel the snap of your bones,” Lucifer promises Dean. He’s gonna kill Dean slow. I’d chortle over the classic villain “kill you slow” trope except that Lucifer is beating Dean bloody and it’s really, really not funny.

“It’s okay. I’m here,” a very battered Dean tells Sam, leaving me to stare into space thinking about how he must have said this on quiet nights, comforting young Sam over nightmares or monster-under-the-bed scares.

Lucifer draws his fist back to deliver a killing blow as Dean slumps in his hold. His eye catches on a little army man stuck in the ashtray and we get a montage of Dean and Sam moments set to the soundtrack of howling wind. Sam’s fist uncurls.

And that’s it. Sam takes control. “I’ve got him,” Sam tells Dean. He hauls the rings out of his pocket and tosses them to the ground, chanting the incantation to open the cage. Dean sprawls on the ground, leaning against the car, bloodied and broken. Sam panics at the threshold to the cage when Michael!Adam appears. 

Sam takes one more look at Dean before he opens his arms wide, ready to plunge into the cage. As Michael tries to haul him back, Sam pulls him in as well.

With a blast, the cage closes and Dean is left alone in the quiet, wind-swept cemetery.

He looks up a while later to find Castiel standing behind him, whole and unblemished. “You’re alive?” Dean asks.

“I’m better than that,” Cas says and…okay. He heals Dean with a touch, then brings Bobby back to life. Good job, Cas bby!

“Endings are hard,” Chuck says, and the scene switches to his office once again. “Endings are impossible. You try to tie up every loose end, but you never can. The fans are always gonna bitch. There's always gonna be holes. And since it's the ending, it's all supposed to add up to something. I'm telling you, they're a raging pain in the ass.”

We switch back to Dean and Cas in the Impala. Cas is headed back to Heaven to try to bring order upstairs. He’s ready to continue his heavenly mission, but Dean’s pissed off. “Where’s my grand prize? All I got is my brother in a hole.”

“You got what you asked for, Dean. No paradise. No hell. Just more of the same. I mean it, Dean. What would you rather have? Peace or freedom?”

Cas flaps out. “You really suck at goodbyes, you know that?” Always, Dean. Always.

Dean says a temporary farewell to Bobby, then shows up at Lisa’s house, CLEARLY TRAUMATIZED. What a non-booty booty call. Lisa reads the room and pulls him in for a comforting hug. (Stay tuned for my 8,000 word essay on why Lisa is the best.) 

“Up against good, evil, angels, devils, destiny, and God himself, they made their own choice. They chose family. And, well... isn't that kinda the whole point? No doubt endings are hard. But then again nothing ever really ends, does it?” Chuck vanishes, which is apparently his equivalent of dropping the mic.

Then, the show proceeds to not end, in the best way. Dean is still lost at Lisa’s, putting on a “normal” front. And outside, Sam appears under a flickering street light. To be continued…for ten more seasons. <3

Quoting is Hard:

This 1967 Chevrolet Impala would turn out to be the most important car – no, the most important object – in pretty much the whole universe.

As far as foreboding goes, it's a little light in the loafers.

Ain’t he a little angel?

I told you. This would always happen in Detroit.

MFEO. Literally.

I suggest we imbibe copious quantities of alcohol and just wait for the inevitable blast wave.

Cas, are you God?

Every fiber he's got, wants to die, or find a way to bring Sam back. But he isn't gonna do either. Because he made a promise.

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[elizabethrobertajones]

14x01 watching notes

RIP Kip, we hardly knew ye.

Well hey, returning friends and people who unwittingly clicked on this not knowing exactly what they're in for. Blowing off the dust and starting a new season of Dabb fuckery, which I spent way too long trying to think of a portmanteau for when I already have the episode downloaded

It's 5am, let's DO THIS.

-

So they start with Dean's Hi I Am A Cop On The Day Before I Retire speech re: hula girls and hawaiian t-shirts which is remarkably prescient of me to have been irrationally upset about that one detail after I binged most of season 13 last night to get me back in the mood. So now I have to elaborate on my one line textpost >.>

Because yes, that is the perfect note to start the season on: Dean thought the good times had rolled, allowed himself to hope, assembled himself a family with mom and step-pop (Bobby counts as a full father but AU Bobby is step-pop), brother, husband, kid... Said kid was promising A World Without Monsters aka Dabb's showrunning tagline for an endgame he teases them. And Lucifer was tucked safely away in an AU with the murderous Michael... And then in a series of events it all came crumbling down and with this amount of goodness in his grasp, he gave up what even when the real Michael was hounding him for it, he couldn't before.

Because in season 13 it is beyond obvious that Dean is tired, an Old Hunter, the best of his game but ready to bow out on that note, and yet for him it's not a matter of stepping back and letting someone else handle it because when Michael and Lucifer were involved, it was beyond personal. He and Sam only EXIST because Lucifer and realMichael wanted them to. And so there was no way this trouble would come to someone else's door, when it was the nasty angel on his shoulder and the devil on Sam's and we have Nougat as their collective responsibility who's the nexus of it all anyway.

-

Eeee the Road So Far text is glowy grace colour on a dark blue background. I'm JIZED for the title card.

-

Goodness, the Road So Far is a weird journey because we see Jack being all useful and magic and then callbacks to 13x01 and 2 where he was a messed up 2 day old and Dean just wanted to murder him.

I haven't outlined any expectations for this episode or even this recap but I suddenly realise that I should probably be wondering how much DeanCas we're gonna get in it, and this rage against Jack is subtextually motivated, for sure, but for me the first 6 episodes of Dean's grief arc were wonderful character stuff but removed from the main plot and therefore in my head I keep boxing them off like a bubble season, like 10x01-3 are, and I legit wasn't even expecting to SEE content from them in the recap, because brilliant as they are I sort of just forgot they were a part of this season despite watching them yesterday. The season for me became so much the Jack And Mary Search that this hiccup at the start didn't meet the requirements to be in season 13 :P

They're just That Time Dean Was Really Sad About Cas Then He Came Back And They Were Cowboys

-

Oh good there was "everybody we've lost" and then a recap of Cas dying and then - oh, we're recapping plot again? Er... everybody? Dean? Who else? DEAN?

this was the thinly veiled subtext of that line anyway since Dean waved off Mary and made it all about Cas anyways but. Yikes, editing team.

-

Jesus I watched season 13 yesterday and I forgot about Asmodeus. You know what, this is pre-coffee AND the 2 types of anti-brain fog medication I gobble in the morning.

But he's that much of a useless lump

Also too much Lucifer nipple on screen pre-coffee. Ick.

-

Nice recapping of Not The Levitating Fight.

-

NOW

Stock photo Nyoom of the season!! Hi Baby! You aren't in this episode because Eugenie said the car wasn't being used this season

-

Sam's got his Vengeance Eyes on but he's all scruffy and grown up so I trust him 10000% to get the job done.

-

OW. FUCK. OW. OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. GOOD USE OF INTERSTITIAL MUSIC

Why were you even listening to Dean's tapes if they fuck you up that badly? IS THIS YOUR VENGEANCE PLAYLIST? I'VE BEEN WAITING 10 YEARS

Actually, I haven't, I binged 4-5-6 as one unit after thinking the show was cancelled during the writers' strike but the point is that Sam and his ipod in 4x01 is immediately in my head because he was listening to his own music and being a hipster douche, but now he is not on demon blood he has not installed an ipod dock because he's GETTING DEAN BACK, DAMMIT but at the same time he's also realising that this means a heavy toll that the only driving music in the car is Dean's stuff...

-

Oh no, this must be the guy from the SDCC clip we hadn't seen because Osric Chau is banned forever for illegally uploading them all for us in the past, and all I know is that Deanchael is going to Fuck Him Up and I feel very bad for him

*raises my mug to Osric* I'm sure you tried, dude. And thanks for the previous years.

-

Hi Deanchael. I noticed in a promo pic that his tie has that sacred geometry type pattern on it which is a detail I made a mental note to type out literally anywhere in the like month between there and here and did not so here it is at a hopefully appropriate place.

Based on every other scene setting detail I suspect that this faithful man is actually still within the USA because this is literally the cabin set they re-use for everything. The spoilers made it sound like Deanchael was globe trotting to raise his army but now I see what's around us... Yeah no he's as focused on the US as every other big bad before.

-

Anyway they really specifically chose this prayer to Allah because of how pointed it was about being only for Allah and how he was the best, so I'm assuming Deanchael is here to be like yo God's gone and I'm your last chance of faith

-

Like just ruin his day and he got up at like 4am or whatever the first prayer is to do it and all

-

I hope, like, no offence to any Muslim viewers or anything >.> They sure play fast and loose with a lot of this stuff because Christian cultures are full of bitter non-believers raised in the culture and looking to kick up at the big guy in the sky, which is not an impression I get that Islam is as used to cultural flippancy, regardless of personal beliefs of residents of predominately Muslim countries and cultures. I'm not 100% sure though, because the closest link I've got is my raised-Christian Iranian friend who applies Christian eye-rolling to the issues with being in Iran and heathen so I still get that perspective of middle fingers up at Organised Religion from our discussions about it all... anyway big diversion, still waiting for coffee to kick in :P I just swallowed the last of it so I can only get more jittery from here on out!

-

It's so fuckin weird to see Dean's face confidently reciting verse in Arabic

I mean you don't need the hat, sir. I get it. It's not you in there.

-

Well so far anyway he's playing on the fact that the guy does pray to god and his angels.

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Lol @ this man guessing his way through God AND Gabe to Deanchael's annoyance that he's the 3rd guess and he has to clarify that he's the better one.

Man, Gabriel worked on his reputation. I wouldn't have been able to tell you who Michael was because there wasn't even a kid in my class with that name when I was age 4 busy portraying Gabriel in a nativity play with full impish glee that the real deal would have been proud of.

-

Uhoh things aren't looking good for Jamil D: Asking for peace and love is good, you funky little hippy.

Is Deanchael implying that the Syria insurgency is the route to peace? I honestly don't know enough about the American foreign policy politics to know what sort of stance this is though from a liberal leaning show (I mean come on Bobo is a card-carrying socialist, I've seen it on Twitter :P), though to an outside viewer well aware of how fucked up it all is should this have been said on a British program, this is a vast over-simplification.

But we know Michael's main traits are Likes War and then also Warmonger and of course, spoilin' for a fight. So this may be a personal judgement and as much as they're bringing politics into their show I'm just backing right on out and going with this :P That he thinks it is more honourable to stay and fight and that Jamil is a hypocrite for not sticking around to work for peace actively.

-

Oh Jamil hooked up with a woman called Darleen. He is FOR SURE in America.

-

It's so funny to me that Deanchael can fly anywhere and they could have set this anywhere but it still ends up being a wooden cabin in the US. This has to turn out to be a lead to follow with a news report about the poor guy or else this is just hysterical that they couldn't be arsed to mock up even a hint of another country :P

-

He knew all this about Jamil beforehand so I have to assume he's really just here to drag him.

-

Man, that throw was GOOD. I'm assuming they either spent all summer playing with wires and stunts or else they've gone back to the drawing board on all this flinging people around business.

-

"A better world" oh we are so on for this World Without Monsters malarky still. This lines up with the clip from Dean they opened on so well - the dark irony of he and Michael working on the same project but from different angles. Dean wants to sort out monsters and bad things so he can go on a beach, aka his version of paradise, and Mikey wants to smush all the sinners, and clean up the planet, which is HIS version of paradise.

-

HECKIN GOOD TITLE CARD

now photoshop those wings on everyone

-

I LIKE SCRUFFY BULLET MAKER FROM THE AU.

He's like so happy to be in a world where you just casually have resources.

Meanwhile poor Maggie has become the de facto nurse and hates it.

Ugh the Bunker is a place where people just show up who yell "Soup's on!"

In my redshirt betting pool, Soups On is the first guy who dies.

-

Promo sceeeeene

I'm so happy Sam and Mary are doing this together. Last season Sam was so upset that Dean got to have a relationship with her, and he had missed out, but without Dean around - no offence to him - Sam and Mary may be focused on FINDING him but this is the work they also need to do for their relationship to start to ground it in something real. It's taken this long with all the separations, but remember that Mary also worked through some of her issues about Sam only last season in the AU with 6 month old Jack. And if she needed that sort of reminder and relationship to warm her up for Sam, her suddenly-grown 6 month old, then there were still a LOT of underlying issues that dated back to the start for her to overcome. Hopefully this puts them on a level playing field, though there's a new conflict brewing for them, with Mary's determined optimism vs Sam's pessimism, born of that depression from last season that never really got treated or resolved, they just managed to power past its current main triggers. Of course now it all just shifts in a Deanward direction.

-

I love how Ketch has been punted to London, at Buckleming discretion to drag him back. This wasn't even Bobo punting him out the door, and he and Buckleming have a violent back and forth over favourite characters, started in 9x06 with Bobo's very first episode when he banished Professor Morrison forever.

-

MARY TRIES MOMMING SAM TO GO TO BED

THEN SCRUFFY GUN GUY IS LIKE "CHIEF"

Chieeeeeeef.

Sam runs the shooow here and I love it. He's their badass MoL hunter leader, a scruffy saviour from another world.

Given Sam is wearing the same shirt and jacket in the promo pics I'm guessing he does not sleep, though I hope he gets to eat the soup.

-

"Maggie can you hack the traffic cams?" "um. no."

I love and support Maggie. She is a normal person who happened to live in apocalypse world and she just wants to flirt with the guy from the Gas n Go who probably hasn't talked to her since that got blown up and Jack attacked him over her... I mean, this is better than the AU world but maybe she just wants to be normal? Did anyone ask Maggie what she wanted??

-

SAM. You can eat your soup and run things at the same time! Get back here and eat that soup!

-

"yes sir"

Goodness, this is wonderful. Sam's doing what he was born to do, and then not because that was leading a friggin demon army, but then yes because he's got inherent leadership traits that he defers to Dean all the time because, well, he's there, and he's big bro.

Look, sometimes you need big bro to murder Satan's ass for you forever, but you also should be calling the shots. There's a balance here, where Dean can be the older brother, but Sam can be the boss. Work/life balance. Dean's got your back but you command an army of hunters, like we've all been salivating over since like season 8 when they first said the MoL ran the Bunker as the hub of operations dictating stuff to trusted hunters and the like.

Of course, if Sam is the Bobby here, then who is the AUBobby? I hope we see what's up with that soon, I've been wanting them to bristle those beards in an alpha way at each other for months, because AUBobby was their leader before Sam because Sir Chief.

-

"Sam."

"i'm good"

*mothering intensifies*

"i'm GOOD"

*mothering intensifies*

"How's Jack"

You aren't used to being mothered and it's murdering me completely to my soul. Dean's got SO MUCH MOTHERING all through the show compared to you. He even sees Jody as a mom friend while you crush on her like crazy so you haven't even got that!!!!

Because Chief Sam is the boss of this lot but at the SAME TIME he's getting all these soft tender mom moments he's never got to have before. It's a wonderful balance of nuances to his current life. He's overworked but surrounded by a supportive care team that respects him, gives him soup, and holds his hand, literally in Mary's case. And yet he's the scruffy macho competent boss who knows how to call all these shots, deputise, set up missions, but still knows more than them, how to do traffic cams, I'm sure years of lore over most of these hunters who only learned to deal with what got thrown at them in the apocalypse by trial and error because when do they get lore books? Mary and Bobby and other pre-apocalypse hunters would be few and far between to offer competent training to a populace suddenly all turned hunter.

-

Oh, AUBobby is beating up Jack. Perfect.

-

AAAH DIRECTED BY TJW

WAS NOT ADEQUATELY HOLDING ONTO SEAT

WARN A GIRL

-

I love finally seeing the training room but I'm deeply conscious that this is where Put Up Your Dukes starts and I can't get that fan fic out my mind so I'm just like, Jack, don't lie on the floor, your dads have banged there.

-

I'm so happy that AUBobby is nurturing a grandson, because this is the difference between him and Bobby - that our Bobby had that with Sam n Dean, but AUBobby never did. Though he DID have Mary Campbell to crush on, I doubt it would have softened him and rounded out the harsh places in his soul the same way raising Sam and Dean did, because he had an unrequited love and she hadn't gotten over John, while this recently widowed Mary Winchester actually has made better progress just because of the circumstances of the loss. Anyways Jack has no preexisting history with Bobby so there's nothing weird about him and AUBobby stepping into a nurturing relationship, that Sam n Dean would find uncomfortable in a way, given their relationship with Bobby. And Jack gets yet another strong figure to teach and guide him.

AUBobby looks slim and stands tall compared to Bobby, which I'm largely putting down to posture, and not being drowned in layers. I like this difference - Bobby almost never voluntarily dressed in 1 layer, but AUBobby has a more military slant, and this training sergeant routine with Jack is a good fit to show a difference in his character, that isn't surly old Bobby behind his desk, that he's involved in teaching Jack to fight, rather than helping hunters with lore and swigging whiskey.

I'd assume given the lack of availability in his AU, he's considerably less alcohol dependant, so this is a very different character thing. If Bobby were doing this training, and nothing else was different, he'd be taking a breather to pour them both a whiskey as he imparts wisdom.

-

Demon in nice shoes and dark sunglasses at night to indicate that yes I am a demon I have black eyes :P I assume this is a demon anyway not just because of this detail but pre-season spoilers

-

Ah hearing Cas's name is enough to make my heart pick up. MY GUY!

But then, "Castiel, darling"

Stop trying to make Good Omens happen, it's not going to happen. You can't just "darling" up to an angel and expect that good good romance. Crowley took years to wear Cas down and Cas never actually LIKED him, down to their last real interaction where Cas was just "WTF???? LEAVE ME TO ROT AND DIE" when Crowley saved him in 12x12

-

God I miss that

-

"Oh god."

Same, buddy.

You do, however, realise this is your first words of the season gifset line, though?

Someone ought to write to Dabb and inform him that people make first and last word gifsets and to be more careful.

Especially if in the last episode at the end of the season, Cas's last word is "Dean"

-

Anyway Cas has said 1 line and I can tell he's on top form. Unlike 10x01 he's in a hipster hogroast joint.

-

This demon, with dark black sunglasses inside at night (douchebag) just ordered a coffee, black. WE GET IT, ENOBY DEMENTIA DARKNESS RAVEN WAY, YOU ARE GOFFIC AND IT'S AS BLACK AS YOUR SOUL

-

LOL Cas is sitting under the JACK'S sign.

Demon douche sits under Schultz, which is the death beer. And lemme tell you, TJW is well-versed in this. So well-versed in it he's sat Cas in front of a classic El Sol flyer with the subtle touch required to tell Dean that Cas is his dream girl. He knows his shit.

-

This seriously seems to be implying that the rise of hipster food joints is an effort from Hell to spread chaos on earth

-

Cas sitting with his back to the fire is such an interesting visual, but this is just a note to self for later to guess what it all means

-

THIS FUCKIN DEMON TOOK  HIS BLACK SUNGLASSES OFF TO SHOW OFF HIS BLACK EYES

Dabb is so good at incidental characters, and making me hate this guy for nuanced nonsensical reasons is amazing. This is... art...

-

This is a callback to 5x08 and Dean ranting about hating procedural cop shows then him and sam taking their sunglasses on and off at night every time they made  a pun and I'm 100% convinced since 12x01 and Cas busting through that Mystery Spot sign that Gabriel has been subtly influencing events

-

Okay so we know exactly what is written on demon bathroom walls. I'm taking that as a sideways confirmation that Cain knew full well that Dean had his Colette because he'd seen crude doodles of them doing it

Anyway douchedemon just outright told Cas that all the demons assume he and Dean in particular are banging. Not that Cas bangs Winchesters, as some have implied, without knowing all the details. They've narrowed this info down.

I assume this is also in the Winchester Dossier that Barthamus studied from before meeting them. I love that demons probably do have a filing cabinet somewhere of all the notable assholes they run into in their work, and the Winchesters take up a whole cabinent, but the refresher file summarising them in a paragraph if you don't have time is like, Sam: Lazy boyking, will stab you. Dean: fucking Castiel, will stab you.

-

Cas doesn't even move an eyebrow. Incredible.

-

Cas rarely gets hit with these compared to Dean in the history of the show, and Dean is full of bluster or anger or confusion or alarmed eyebrows. Cas is like... no. fuck you. i'm party!Cas, I have my shit in order.

Though this is from a demon. It's an entirely different thing when Heaven is involved, as they also have their dossier on the winchesters.

Sam: abomination. will banish you. Dean: fucking Castiel. Will stab you.

-

*loud coffee slurp* "what's in it for moi?

Cas, stab him. Stab him now. This is not worth the information. You can find another guy.

-

I'm starting to think Cas with his back to the flames is his unwitting danger from this hellish hogroast place.

-

They use Shultz beer containers to hold the sauces and menus on the table. DEEEEATH

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Cas speaking slower and threatening to burn him to ash "right here and right now"

this is a gifset that will get a lot of notes from thirsty Cas fans

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Whaaaaaaaa the entire joint turned out to be owned by and filled with demons who would ever have guessed based on one open fire and that metal hogs head from the promo pics :P

-

Stop hurting him!!!! Misha can't stage fight! This is really unfair!!

I wonder how the poor new awesome fight coordinator took to Misha

"let's just... um..." "hide him behind all these demons?" TJW suggests The fight guy nods sadly.

-

Aww Sister Jo got back to work. Good for her.

-

Sister Jo has no fear and can stroll down a shady alley counting her money

*t-shirt meme* One fear: *flappy wing noises*

"Hey Jo."

-

GHOLY SHIT TRUE FORMS TYHUEOJDSHGFSH DS TRUE FORMS WE SEE WHAT ANGELS SEEE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD SCIENCE HAS CAUGH T UP TO THE DIVINE, SPN CAN FINALL Y SHOW US WHAT ANGELS SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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Holy shit I want the gif of this as my blog header. That's shitting amazing.

-

Burning HALO

ALL HIS CHI POINTS LIT UP EVEN WHEN IT MAKES IT LOOK SILLY TO HAVE HIS CALVES GLOWING

-

I wonder if this is what Danneel sees when she looks at Jensen all the time

-

"Why would he say yes to you?"

"Love"

I'm dying and I am dead. I gather that Dean is 100% absent from this episode, but that one comment puts him front and centre and I am in paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain. Everything happening around Michael and because of Michael is because Dean loves his peeps. From Sam staying up hacking traffic cams on vampires to Cas getting his ass handed to him by demons.

-

I bet Cas looks like that single glowstick he had on in the cave when angels look at him.

-

Party!Cas

-

I ruined the fun

-

Jensen gently touches Danneel's face and that's just rude because that's all his tenderness for his wife being turned into a scary villain move between Deanchael and Jo. Don't do this to them!!!

-

Oooof Deanchael pulls from Dean's memory of Anael about what she was like, describing her in the most Cas-like terms, then cuts through her hilarious bull about wanting handbags (this is so meta about sticking middle fingers in the faces of people who think she's a well-paid beard) and then starts telling her she wants love and a family.

Deanchael has used the word "love" twice in a scene and it's horrifying to see the word come out of his face, when Dean is so guarded. Now Deanchael is just looking through Sister Jo and analysing what she wants - and she's playing this game very well but this move of his might still beat her. Because ow. Telling her she wants belonging and family. When she's very much established as a Cas mirror by the reminder she ran away from Heaven and doesn't want to play by their rules.

"It's very, very human of you. And so disappointing." Did all those times Lucifer sucked her grace bring her close to feeling it? To the point of permanent damage? I only ask because I know another guy this might apply to.

-

I wonder how much Deanchael is projecting based on conjectures because he knows Cas through Dean's eyes.

-

"But if they're all these sad, lost, fallen things..." Ya, that's Cas too for suresies

-

SAM AND JACK SAM AND JACK

Jack sitting quietly in meditation, clearly unsettled. A parallel to 13x23 when Dean came rushing in to him having a nightmare, now Sam is having a crack at parenting the boy.

-

Jack lying about how things were fine. Nougat. Hon. You're human now. But not that good at being human. Sam knows your tells :P

-

Sam interrupted mid pep-talk by Mary with some nonsense.

Jack is always so ugh... accepting and kinda flippant. He knows parental figures can be disappointing and get dragged away mid peptalk by some business.

Which he's apparently not involved in. I guess after we see him going on hunts with them in 13x23, he's grounded until he goes through basic training so not only is he useless to help with his powers to find Dean, but he can't even do the easy hunter stuff because he's just a kid.

-

Aww my poor baby Nougat :( He's so angsty. He's a TEEN. Lookit him! All growed up!

-

Uuugh I guess this is Nick. "I didn't talk to him. I can barely look at him."

What I'm getting from this sequence mainly is the sound of Triss's rage at the Bunker layout.

-

*Mary pats Sam's shoulder supportively and walks off*

You're on your own, Chief.

-

Ugh I am not ready for this bull if it's Nick but I have to keep watching to be sure :P

-

Ew it is. EW. What does Mark P HAVE on you all.

At least TJW is shooting the heck out of this to show us how gross Sam finds this all.

Sam's shadow falling over Nick.

I really want to know how this bullshit happened. And yet. No, not really.

-

Oh gross AND they're making Mark P take off his shirt. The nipple I didn't want to see in the Road So Far was not warning enough.

Pre-season ugh speculation was that whatever Crowley did to Nick made him stronger and more permanent apparently even than Lucifer being stabbed out of him.

-

So yeah anyway I guess Jack is in part also sulking about this and I'm with him, because Sam being pulled away from their pep talk time to deal with Gross Man Associated With My Father But Not Actually Him Because Biologically I Am The Son Of A Non-Historical President...

-

Making Sam the one who has to care for Nick is utterly cruel. He has so many deputies. Maybe this is just his personal fear that Nick's still a bit Lucifery. Maybe he just sees this as a gross burden, a manifestation of the ongoing trauma from Lucifer, that even when he's dead he lingers.

-

Plus, it's giving us some reassurance that an angel can be ousted from a vessel without killing them, to throw some options into the Deanchael pot.

-

Still. Nick. Really.

-

I bet Jack is sulking because some little cosmic part of him regenerating deep down in his core, that one lil gold glowy chi point in his big toe, knows that Eugenie forgot his name at SDCC and called him "Nick" and this shit from your creator just weighs on you. Jack is an entity beyond Buckleming and yet born from them, and this is what they beget: forgetting their own child in favour of this old carcass.

-

bitter? moi? *sips coffee noisily*

-

Actually, that's not true but I need some tea because I'm sulky so I'm taking this ragebreak to go make some and then I will sip it noisily in Nick's direction. :P

-

Everything henceforth is under the jurisdiction of hot drink no.2

-

"I don't understand how Lucifer could die and I could live"

I hate you

Eurgh, I bet you anything Dabb pulled a Buckleming and just took the post-it note they gave him when he asked, er, HOW does this happen? and transliterated it into dialogue because 1: all the writers shade Buckleming all the time because I can literally see it ooze out of Perez and Yockey and Bobo's writing but this is the showrunner, guyses. 2: it's such a dumbass convoluted explanation that it only burns out the archangel but if you non-fatally stab it then the guy is fine.

Which begs the question of how the fuck is Gabriel because if we get anything good from this, that fucker is in one hell of an interesting vessel situation compared to Old Nick.

-

PS: I am not sure how culturally saturated this is so we are all clear that Old Nick is a historically used name for Satan and his name has been a joke since 5x01 thanks to Kripke, and now we have to actually deal with that.

-

And then Nick is actually sympathetic to how Sam feels looking at him. I guess Mark P really wants us to feel sympathetic to his new dude.

-

"And Michael... did he tell Lucifer anything about his plan?"

Listen, we NEED acknowledgement that for a month or so Lucifer and AUMichael roadtripped together to assemble from their AU the key of solomon, the fruit of the tree of life, and the blood of a most holy man.

There was a lengthy downtime while people settled in and Dean was allowed to think the Good Times were rolling, and all that time, the weirdest brother roadtrip show ever was going on in the AU, mad enough that I would actually find it hilarious to watch despite enduring Mark P as a result of it.

-

SAM DOES NOT DESERVE THIS

He's not allowed to rest, ever.

-

I bet this is douchdemon phoning him from Cas's phone.

-

"Hello Sam!" says a perky voice down the phone. It's INCREDIBLE how unlikeable this demon is making himself. He's actually my favourite character now.

-

Oh no, Nougat is wearing a different grey shirt. He's really depressed. Someone help him.

-

"He just told you he was a demon?" "he seemed proud of it too"

Sam hates him as well. I can't wait for Sam to come scowl at him.

-

"What do we do?" Maggie asks, completely wide-eyed. Oh honey. Poor, innocent, sheltered Maggie. What were you doing all apocalypse until we caught up with you? You aren't hardened, you're adorable.

-

AUBobby and Rufus (his gun)

-

"I'm coming too!" YAY JACK. Your father is in trouble, he's on a hunting trip and he hasn't been home in a few days, but what a different world all the rest is

-

"I'm not as strong, but I can help," he says, looking tiny beside Sam, bruised up from AUBobby's training, a single layer to make him look even smaller...

(we do not talk enough about how all these jackets are a sort of alpha being shoulder plumping thing like when you make yourself look huge to scare off a mountain lion but that's 100% what this is)

IT MADE JACK SMILE yey he's allowed to feel useful! Pop is allowing him to go on a mission to rescue Dad who was looking for Papa when this all went down.

Grandpapa is not so pleased, because AUBobby has been measuring how useful Jack is and I feel like lil Nougat bab is going to do something mildly heroic for Cas or else get pasted for his ongoing character development for the season...

-

"He needs this, Bobby."

-

Dear LORD does he not quit? We don't even know his name? "Are you sure I can't get you anything... hot... or black?" FUck OFF

No wonder by the promo pic Cas looked so utterly done. This is exhaustingly annoying for him. Cas's personal hell is just irritating people. A line of Crowleys and Lucifers and this jerkwad chattering at him.

-

And yet Dean runs his mouth all the time and Cas is in luuuurve

-

Oh lordy are we really doing this coffee metaphor now? "Coffee has no effect on me" (but he once acquired the taste, and it was a core part of him being human and learning to human in the opening shot of 9x06 for him as his metaphor for how he was learning)

"me either *sluuuurp* not any more. But it's like saltwater taffy or infants. I just like the taste."

-

"I'm just being a good host like mother would have wanted"

Cas stops mid eyeroll to eyeroll HARDER at meeting ANOTHER demon with mommy issues. Like, please. Don't. I like Rowena now but can we NOT.

-

Party!Cas of Dabb era is my favourite iteration of Cas by a country mile.

-

"Why are you using me as bait?" "it's kind of what you're for"

Oh Cas. Now he's just the damsel in distress, which I guess is a step up from being an attack dog, but still isn't that great for the ego stroking about his role and use within the Winchester family, an ongoing source of stress for him, this reminds us.

-

Cas's faith in Sam is wonderful. like, as soon as douchmon says he needs something from Sam, Cas just SMIRKS like, OH BUDDY. BUDDDYYY. No, I'm not gonna say it. I'm just - "you think he'd make a deal with you?" I'm ... I don't laugh as a rule but inside? Hilarious.

-

"Somebody asked me what it was that I wanted" You know, I think Deanchael is INCITING people. he's not killing any of them, just using the revelation of his appearance to motivate them - moving Sister Jo to do what she wants, which is to re-organise Heaven with the ideas she had as a button pushing functionary... visiting world leaders and holy men, and this douche...

To what end, though? Chaos? This is a roundabout way to make a better world.

-

"Destroying, Drinking, Defiling, you know, the 3 Ds" they absolutely have posters up in Hell with this on for the newbies to learn.

-

We've seen Heaven's staffroom, I DEMAND to see the break room in Hell, with all its lurid Destiel smut doodled on the walls and so on

-

Anyway it's a hell of a question, pun intended, because demons have no real purpose, even the named baddies have largely been slaves to someone else's will (Lucifer or Crowley) and Crowley could not have answered that question from the start of season 6 through to the moment he chose to sacrifice himself... I don't think any of TFW 2.0 or Bunker Squad could answer it fully. Cas can't, and that's the question that's been bugging him since 9x06 -

EPHRAIM Shh-shh-shhh. It'll be over soon. I'll take the pain away.

CASTIEL I want to live.

EPHRAIM But as what, Castiel? As an angel? or a man?

and it's what his entire crisis in season 10 was over... Who ARE you Castiel? What do you WANT?

-

Dean wants a Beach Vacation Ending. He figured it out and as narrative punishment, he's Deanchael. No one else has sorted it out, though, but Sam got close - he had his pizza dream and was immediately punished with being eaten by vampires and resurrected by Lucifer and all that drama... Sam's work isn't done. Though his growth has taken a huge leap, now he has to figure out what he wants in this NEW setting, and we're only just MEETING Chief Sam in this iteration, so he's got a lot of work to do.

-

"I gave it a good think and I worked out exactly what I wanted. Everything."

Deanchael definitely is planning for this, so watch out buddy.

-

SAM DRIVING, MOM IN SHOTGUN

RED ALERT

-

Uhoh Sam's snapped because of the optimism Mary exudes. Yep, he really was nearly at the last straw in their earlier convo when he scoffed at her attempts to cheer him up.

Look, she's trying to mom you with no experience except adopting Jack. Work with her.

-

Sam is spiralling with the depression, this time all the bad things that could have happened to Dean and how they're never going to find him, throwing these horrible scenarios at Mary to stop her trying to comfort him.

-

"I know. I know he's out there, scared and alone." She sees lil 4 year old Dean. Because, I mean, that is the soul Dean bears to her when they have moments sometimes. And her optimism is a wall against thinking of her toddler in this scenario.

"I know. I know he might not come back. Never think I don't know that. But I can't - I have to think about the good, Sam. Because if I don't, I will drown in the bad." I wonder who that directly relates to who is currently driving this car.

I really hope this is a bit of vindication for Mary - or redemption to the eyes of the people who don't like her - that she does care, and she's spelling out her approach to all this. In the start of season 12 when she was trying to keep afloat she used a lot of optimism and furious paddling on the surface, because she has been doing that her whole life. When she was being raised a hunter, when she was a housewife with no clue what she was doing, a mom but he marriage beginning to fall apart... And then thrust into the present day, and it's 360 degrees of combat and loss and sadness and a ill-advised hook up with Ketch... Furious doggy paddling on the surface.

"For Dean's sake, I can't do that. We can't do that." And she shows that she is prioritising Dean, that she's driven and motivated to keep going FOR him.

Come on, give her a chance.

-

Nyooom.

-

Meanwhile in the Jack and Bobby truck, Jack is the one angsting and Bobby is the one driving.

Jack is one years old and not legally old enough to drive.

-

Bobby peptalks him with the reminder that when Jack had his grace he did hero things for these people, which is why he can ride shotgun, and even if he feels useless now, they'll have his back, that he has earned this squad even if he can't be as awesome as he used to.

-

Maggie is like, I'm getting a reaction shot... Am I going to develop feelings for Jack? That would be super weird, he's one years old. I hope no one is implying this even though I'm in a bunch of scenes getting character focus.

-

Eeeeeeee Sam trusts Mary with the demon killing knife. I am sure they don't call it Ruby's knife to her and he has never, ever told her about that time that thing happened with Ruby.

-

This fucker had his back turned for Sam to enter just so he could turn around dramatically. God he's repellent.

-

An extra was hired to pat Sam down. What a job.

-

"The shoulders. The hair! You are my Beyonce!" I mean, same. Except. Cas is Agent Beyonce so this fuckhead has totally misread this situation.

This gives Sam a moment to look over at Cas and Cas silently says, yes I know he's a total fuckhead, I've been dealing with this all day. I'm so sorry bro, can you just stab him so we can go home and follow a different lead. I don't even care what this one knows, I can't handle him another minute.

-

"I'm more embarrassed than I am hurt" I understand this to my core, and I'm so sorry, Cas.

-

"Kipling. Kip for short."

"Cool. Kip. I'm here." Sam being exactly as "fuck you" as I wanted towards Kip.

Sam is now standing with his head in an El Sol sign. TJW what are you up to bud?

-

Oh no Jack and Maggie got caught skulking. Sam and Cas have the same "my boy!" reaction when they see Cas.

Maggie is here too, you monsters.

But Kip has missed Mary and AUBobby

-

"It's just late capitalism, you understand" Yeah, and fuck you Kip.

-

How is Kip so irritating that he can make tapping a stool somehow the most obnoxious thing a man could do? He's WONDERFULLY well-cast. I love this actor. He's chewing scenery and it's incredible.

-

"What do you want?" Ow, Sam being twisted into asking the same thing Deanchael asked Kip

-

"Ass-modeus Kentucky Fried" listen you are still the worst but that drew a sympathetic smile and I hate it and I hate you.

-

Oh, Sam just Sammed something from that side glance, random demon side-eye. Oooh. Oooooooh.

But yeah, Kip asking for the "Crowley Deal" as if it's a package that can be bought from the Winchesters, and not something that Crowley wormed his way into via much back and forth power plays and drama. The Winchester have always had a back and forth with Hell, and since Crowley there have been a lot of demons, like Bart, trying to figure out what exactly it WAS that they all had. But someone has to be in charge, and the Winchesters are the top dog destined hunters with their fingers  in all the world-saving pies, so clashes come naturally. Approaching them like this, first Bart, now this douchenozzle, is meta, presumptuous, overstepping what builds naturally... An attempt to leapfrog to the end where the equilibrium is established.

But Crowley had time to build a long game. These new pretenders are working in a world where the Winchesters' actions have devastated Heaven and Hell alike, and are, like Mary, just trying to keep afloat on the whole thing.

"We never gave Crowley that deal." Because yes, that's how it seemed to play out, and from outsider eyes that's how it may have looked... But each and every interaction came about naturally through the plot, there was no wrangling it. That's just how the Winchesters and Crowley ended up.

And that hole can't be filled by someone just leaping into the chair and asking for it.

Though it is nice if Motown Meats is the new seat of Hell on Earth instead of the outdated exterior asylum interior castle dungeon look Crowley set up.

-

"You're no Crowley. I know that. So do they." I think that was what Sam Sammed out of the demons, and also true, and ALSO is this the boyking accidentally exerting himself, knowing what's good for Hell? I always get a lil tingle in my thumbs when Sam gets too involved in knowing what's up with Hell.

-

Holy shit Kipling was a Mongolian warlord who rode with Genghis Khan in life. PLEASE survive this episode, I want to hate you all season. PLEAAAASE I BEG YOU.

-

Oh my god this insecure whinging asshole, chowing down on the scenery like there's no tomorrow. "I'D EAT YOUR HEART" *turns to weepy and quiet* "before I show you who I really am..."

This is Eddie Redmayne in Jupiter Ascending levels of scenery eating. He's gonna pick up a barstool and take a bite out of it now.

-

Sam is doing this all unarmed, which is something to remember, because this is the fucker who talked his way into killing the Alpha Vamp while MOSTLY unarmed for a majority of that chat.

-

Sam Fucking Winchester.

-

AUBOBBY AND RUFUS!!!!

Also mary.

-

But AUBobby gets a slow mo for Rufus shooting demons.

-

HOLY SHIT MARY'S SLOW MO

I am pregnant

-

MARY THROWING SAM THE KNIFE

-

TJW was like this fight is too fast, my guy. We need to slow it down.  You're so good at your job no one's gonna see what happened unless we go slow mo.

he and the fight guy high five

-

"Aw, balls."

Hey, Nougat tried. He's got a squishy hero centre.

Looks like he weighs nothing and now he's human he goes down in one punch. Owie.

-

"Here take this. You know how to use it?" "Uh! Stab them with the pointy end!?" "pretty much"

Maggie you precious girl why are you HERE. Why is Soups On or Gnarly Gun Guy not here?

-

Cas you fucking damsel in distress

-

Fight guy is like "uuuuh do I have to"

Misha is like "I'm good here, tbh"

-

SAM FUCKING WINCHESTER

(Aw, Kip's dead, he was fun)

-

"ENOUGH"

YES SIR

-

"There will be NO NEW KING OF HELL"

You are gonna get demon minions like fucking ducklings you ass

-

"Not ever. And if anyone wants the job, you can come through me" Sam is technically immortal so long as Rowena is alive and vice versa you know. Also, how long is he planning on defending Hell? Ever?

I'm stalling from how much I have to scream about how badass Sam was throwing down that declaration that he's now essentially the trial a pretender to the throne has to pass to take the job.

Because if I was a demon... FUCK NO would I want to tangle with this fucker.

-

Sam's file, updated: Current King Of Hell. Will Kill You. AVOID.

-

Sam is fucking terrifying. I love it. He scared demons out of their meatsuits. Sam walking into a room is now a reason to eject and abort mission. God. This guy.

-

Remember in season 1 when demons were scary? Oo er this isn't our sort of thing... halp.

Now Sam looks them in the eye and is like, fuck off. I'm scarier than any of you.

-

"That's what I thought"

Cas is literally giving you the reverse look of in 4x16 when you marched in and fried Alastair's brain.

-

SAM GOT A NEW SHIRT thank god.

I should amend: he did all this wearing blue plaid with orange stripes.

Sam Fucking Winchester.

The BMoL definitely didn't have the right birth certificate because that's his legal middle name.

-

Sam n Caaaaas my GUYS. I hope this is the 10x01 convo but, like, not. Flip flip flip those pancakes, Dabb my guy.

-

Cas, hon, you're still so beat up you have blood trails coming out of your nose. There's not really caring about your meatsuit because it heals eventually, but there's also washing your fucking face, because Sam's had time to change his shirt and get a beer so what were you doing?

-

Probably staring at a picture of Dean on his phone and sighing.

-

Anyway he's here to ask how Sam is, rather than care about himself. Symbolism.

"I've been better. And worse." Worse is 10x01.

Or 4x10's flashbacks. For sure those are the worstest.

Though, this time you are the king of hell and you're wearing a dark shirt and I don't think you have thought this through.

-

The most well-meaning accidental king of hell ever.

-

Sam and Cas share the "to find Dean I'd do anything" look. Be CAREFUL. Cas is literally choosing to wear hubris on his face because he feels bad about his fuck up with going to Kip.

-

Mary! Casual Mary chilling in the kitchen!!

Although, with everyone in the bunker, these rooms are taking on different meanings. The people are chasing out the heavy shadows and ghosts of all the oppressive silences Sam and Dean have filled these corners with.

-

Aw it's Mary and AUBobby. I was half-hoping we'd have her giving beer to Jack, but I guess we need to set up the forward momentum on their relationship for this season.

"Not bad today, old man." "you too, Sunshine."

You do realise that Mary is sitting in the exact same spot as where Dean was when he called Cas "Sunshine" You do know that right I mean you KNOW? This is TJW, he knows. He's a Destiel Shipper of the highest order.

-

Cas pops in on Jack, staring at his busted up face in a mirror, now filling more Winchester angst tropes to make up for lost time. "I'm fine," he says without being asked.  Because 10x01 or 10x02 was where Cas defined "fine" for Hannah and explained to her it's what humans say when things are really not fine but they can't admit it.

-

"You did well." "All I did was get punched. In the face."

I love snarky teen Jack.

"To be fair, we all got punched in the face," Cas says, still covered in hubris.

He has a POINT. He has full right to pull the "I should feel more useless than you" card on Jack.

-

Jack doing the "i'm useless" thing that Cas had to go through when he lost his grace, and Jack was allowed to stay in the Bunker. Is this how Cas would have felt had he not been kicked out?

-

Jack says Michael's out there and he still feels responsible to stop him. There's a very, very very very ver very weird Hamlet vibe from Jack, being forced into a position of emotional responsibility to kill his uncle, but Cas is his once dead now back and not a ghost father, and Jack couldn't kill Michael and so Dean got possessed... I mean, it's not a neat overlay, but Jack wants to kill an uncle, an AUncle, and I feel like in terms of uncle-killing narratives, AU Michael making off with Dean fits about as well to Hamlet's uncle marrying his mom as we're gonna get... I'd love to see how this shapes out because these family narratives since season 11 are becoming deeply shakespearean in the amount of nonsense going on. This sort of supernatural drama is a modern world way to have this kind of heightened emotion and the stakes you find in Shakespearean tragedies, and to force the sorts of reflection on the world and self... I really really dig it. Watching season 13 yesterday really hit me with this feeling all over and I'm delighted that Jack has this arc because I'm so amused/interested to see where this weirdo Hamlet parallel goes for him.

-

"I don't have anything." "Oh Jack" thanks Cas that's what I said out loud "you have me. You have all of us. You have your family." *SHOULDER GRASP*

No hug. Fuck off Cas, with your reassuring shoulder grasps. I know that's the language you've been taught but Dabb era is hug era and you suck.

-

I love that with all of Sam and Mary's doubt and Jack's lack of self worth, it's down to CAS. CASTIEL. CASTIEL WINCHESTER. CASTIEL FUCKING WINCHESTER. PARTY!CAS. to give the actual pep talk of the episode which has ANY conviction behind it. Cas has been fuelled with something MAGNIFICENT since the Empty, and he's turned it up to 11 for Jack here :')

-

Jack makes the smallest smile, then turns back to his mirror.

-

Sam opening the door to his bedroom, framed in darkness. 10x01 parallels again - this shot as well as the demon dean one were repeated a few times through the 3 episode arc, and the demon dean one became iconic but Sam did it too, to Dean's room. Now he goes into his own... empties his pockets... he still has the fucking engraved money clip from Tall Tales because Gabriel is not only not dead but telling this entire story for us... He has the phone, that's off, because Dean is not there, not communicating with him, blah blah. And he has the keys to the Impala. Because he's the chief.

Well, the King of Hell. Damn, it took 14 years to get him there. Azazel is fucking spinning in his grave.

-

Ooh, phonecall! Is it Deanchael? "What do you want?"

Nope, it's Sister Jo! :D She's been standing there ALL NIGHT weighing her options and working out what she wants.

SPIN THAT CHAOS, DEANCHAEL.

-

Deanchael approaches a vampire, and it's that purity of Purgatory, that just wanna eat that fuelled so much of the badass stuff in season 7 with the Leviathan, everything Dean's struggled with when it comes to the black and white world of killing monsters no problem that dates back to Gordon in 2x03, that draws Deanchael to them. Because this is Dean's safe space with Benny, a real relationship based on a bond forged in pure, kill or be killed, eat or be eaten purgatory. Deanchael has the same inner machinery as Dean, because Michael is the worst version of Dean, engineered to be Dean but without love. Dean as a monster. And so it all leads here... D:

-

Well this will be fun :D

[zerolympiustrife]

ZOS’ short stories 10

Title: Beat them at their own game, death by blondes, and siblings. (SSBU x DFFNT x RWBY) (But mostly FFVII x RWBY)

*Yang’s walking over to a moody Cloud, who’s sitting on a bench*

Yang: Hey, Cloud! What’s wrong? Did a Squall blow you away or something *Yang points over to Squall in the distance*

Cloud (groaning): (Oh god. Not this again...)

Yang: Or did you struck by a bolt of Lightning? *Points over to Lightning*

*Cloud glares at her, but then notices Chrom in the distance, wearing a flashy rainbow wig, and Yang also notices Chrom*

Yang (smirking): ...Hey, what’s up with Chrom?

Cloud (deadpan): I dunno, maybe he’s feeling Chromatic or something.

*Yang looks at Cloud, eyes widening*

Cloud (sarcastically): Oh, I’m so sorry. 

Yang (smiling): Oh...there’s no need to apologize.

Cloud: Then perhaps we’re getting off on the wrong foot. *Holds up his left foot*

Yang: Hehehehe...Nah, I’d say we’re getting off on the right foot. *Lifts up her right foot* My name is Yang. It’s so nice to...*holds up a meat patty*...meat you.

Cloud: Cloud Strife.

Yang: Is your name Cloud because you rain on everyone’s parade? Is your last name Strife because you’re always getting into fights?

Cloud: Kind of like what we’re doing right now?

Yang: I guess your name rings true then. *Holds up a couple of rings, then suddenly, Cloud’s phone begins to ring*

Cloud (picking up the phone): Hello?

Tifa (on the phone): Is Yang bothering you again with her puns again?

Cloud: No, it’s fine. *Looks over to Yang with a glare* We’re fine. We’re doing just dandy. *Pulls out a dandelion flower and gives it to Yang*

Yang: Ah! How thoughtful!

Tifa (on the phone): Okay, just want to make sure you were doing fine. Good-bye. *Hangs up*

Yang: Was that one of your many girlfriends? Tifa? Lucina? Terra?

Cloud: Maybe it was. Besides, I don’t need another one when I already have three.

Yang: Ah, good. Because I’m...*in a monotone voice*...Not interested.

*Cloud’s ears begin to bleed due to Yang’s painful puns, let alone using his own catchphrase against him*

Cloud (touching below his ears): Are my ears bleeding?

Yang: No, your ears aren’t bleating. Your ears aren’t goats.

Cloud (annoyed): Man, I gotta hand it ya. *Holds up his hand* You really know how irritate a person. So you know what? I’m so Belladone with this. *Points over to Blake, who’s trying to get away from Adam*

Yang (shocked): Oh goddamnit. Not this again.

*Both blondes run over to the scene*

Adam: Return to me or I’ll kill all your friends. Including those who aren’t from our world.

Blake: Never! Besides, you’ll just kill them anyway regardless of my answer!

Adam: Then you leave me no choice.

*Cloud and Yang come flying at Adam in a DBFZ-styled clash, with Yang launching a punch towards Adam’s waist.*

Yang: Man, what a waist of time!

Adam: Gaack!

Cloud: Then allow me take to a stab then. *Cloud stabs his sword towards Adam’s chest*

Adam: Aaaggghhh!

Yang: We’re a better team for Blake than you, bull man! Especially me!

Cloud: I guess you could say she knows how to rub that pussy real good.

*Adams glares at the blonde for that comment, while Blake slightly blushes from that comment*

Adam: ENOUGH! *Pushes Yang and Cloud away, pulls the Buster Sword out of his chest, then looks over to the spiky-haired man* YOU DIE FIRST!

*Adam runs towards Cloud with his chokuto at the ready and impales him through the chest*

Blake: No!

Yang: Cloud!

Adam (seething and panting heavily from his nose): You goddamn human...you really know how to piss a faunus off.

Cloud: Eh...hehehehe...Hahahahaha!

Adam: What’s so funny?

Cloud: You’re seething like a bull...you really live up to your name and lineage, Taurus. But it’s a damn shame that Blake couldn’t be the Eve to your Adam.

Adam (glaring bloody murder at Cloud): One more quip and I’ll impale you through the heart next. No...I’ll use my semblance to draw and quarter you instead.

Cloud (shaking his head): Adam, Adam, Adam...Obviously, you haven’t heard of my past battles with another human-hating individual who’s done something like this to me before.

Adam: H-Huh?

*Cloud grabs the sword that’s still impaled through him, lifts it up, also lifting Adam up*

Adam: W-What?! H-How are you...?!

*Cloud slowly pushes the sword of out his chest*

Cloud: This is nothing new to me. I’ve literally been impaled before and I walked out alive. Now...How about I take you for a swing? *Grabs the end of the blade, and starts swinging Adam around, before slamming him face-first into the ground next to Blake and Yang*

Adam (slowly getting up, ignoring Blake’s presence): You annoying spiky-haired runt...I’m going to-

*Blake takes her weapon, and impales him from behind*

Blake: Not kill any of my friends, you asshole.

Adam (looking behind him): Blake...darling...

*Yang snatches Adam’s sword*

Yang: Blake, move away!

*Blake obliges, takes her weapon out of Adam’s chest, then Yang impales him as well*

Adam (coughing up blood): We were...meant to be...together... *Falls to the ground in a bloody mess*

Cloud/Yang (both crossing their arms): Consider that a divorce.

Adam (looking over to the blondes): You...bas- *dead*

Cloud: A bass? Me? I’m not a fish, sir.

Yang: Yeah, he’s not a fissure, he’s a Cloud.

Cloud (mockingly): Hm hm hm.

Yang (turns to look at him): You’re not a mockingbird, either.

*Cloud flips her the bird*

Yang: I mean, that’s a bird, yes. But it’s not very mocking.

Cloud: Isn’t your mother a mockingbird?

*Yang’s eyes turn red, punches a tree in rage, then the tree explodes*

Yang (angrily): DO NOT MENTION HER!!!

Cloud: Man, I’ve heard of an explosive temper, but this is just red-iculous.

*Yang’s nose starts to bleed due to Cloud’s puns, causing her to get a taste of her own medicine*

Blake: Yang! Your nose...

Yang (touches beneath her nose): Huh...whoa! My nose is bleeding!

Cloud: Your nose isn’t a goat. It’s not bleating.

Blake: Who would’ve thought that constantly making pun after pun after pun would cause physical pain?

Cloud: I’m not even enjoying this! I’m just trying to beat her at her own damn game.

Yang: Well, tall, dark, and spiky, if this is a game...I’d say it’s a tie. *Points to her bloody nose, then points to Cloud’s ears, which are still bleeding*

Cloud: Hrgh...no argument there.

Yang (wrapping an arm around his neck, smiling): We’re gonna be the bestest of friends. You, me, Team RWBY, your team, your team from World B, your dormmates from the planet of Smash...

Cloud (sternly, looking away): We are not going to be friends.

Yang: Oh, yes we are.

Cloud: No we’re not.

Yang: Yes we are.

Cloud: No we’re not.

Yang: Yes we are.

Cloud: No we’re not.

Yang (gritting her teeth, still smiling): Yes we are.

Cloud (gritting his teeth as well, becoming annoyed): No we’re not.

Yang: Yes. We. ARE.

Cloud: No. We’re. NOT-

Blake (losing her patience): For god’s sake, shut up, the both you! You two are arguing like bunch of siblings fighting over control of the TV.

Yang: You know what? You’re right, Blake! We’re not friends...

Cloud: Good.

Yang: We’re siblings! We’re long-lost siblings!

Cloud (raising an eyebrow at her): ...

Yang: You can be the little brother, and I’ll be the big sister! I’ll be the best sister you’ve never had!

Cloud (deadpan): ...I’m over 21.

Blake: And she’s beneath 21.

Yang: Wait, is this true? Then that means...

Cloud: No.

Yang: You can be...

Cloud: NO.

Yang: My big brother instead!

Cloud (still deadpan): Absolutely not.

Yang: You’ll be the best big brother me and Ruby never had!

Cloud (sarcastically): Oh yeah! We’ll play dress-up and force big brother Cloud to put various different dresses! We’ll make big brother Cloud give Ruby and Yang piggy-back rides! We’ll play with big brother Cloud’s spiky hair whenever we’re bored! And lastly, we’ll have big brother Cloud spoil Ruby Rose rotten and let her play with his sword all day long!

Yang: That all sounds like fun! Blake, do you have any rope or extra ribbons?

Cloud (a bit concerned): Wait, what?

*Blake hands over two very long threads of ribbon*

Cloud (now super concerned): Oh no.

Yang (smiling evilly): Oh yes.

Cloud (prepares to run): Oh no.

Yang (pounces on him): Oh YES!

*Yang pins Cloud to the ground, ties his hands behind his back, ties up his legs, then drags him away*

Yang: Come, brother! Activities await us! Ruby! Hey! RUBY!!

Cloud (struggling): Help! Somebody!

Blake (sighing): Those two really are like siblings...now... *looks over to Adam’s corpse* ...What to do with you...?

[darlingstardust-fics]

Hi! Just wanted to say I love your writing and think you are awesome! ❤️ for a prompt I’d like to see please Naru/Sasu and “2 elite spies hired to stalk each other at the same time au” cause I think that’s soo like them 😂 whenever you have time for it, thanks! x

(I have literally been sitting on this answer for months but there has not been a day that goes by that I don’t think about this! I plan on writing more and even drawing some scenes from what I have thought up and become inspired by! You’ve just like opened this new perspective xD I hope you like what I have and I am so sorry it is late! I will have to send you my art from my art blog @darling-stardust 

In this au, Sasuke is FTM trans!)

Uzumaki Naruto was a damned idiot and everyone at the sister and rival spy agencies knew it. He may have rushed some moments and been a little trigger happy at times, but above his faults, he was a lousy lover and a dorky guy. He barely knew how to tie his tie half the time and anyone could see that it was a clip on if any tugged on it like Sasuke had before. He had probably one of the worst records out there! So what gives? And why does he suddenly look like James Bond with his blond hair, normally so unruly, slicked back, pure silk bow tie and vest set with his Gucci suit jacket and Prada Oxford loafers?

And what was with that ring and this girl hanging off his arm like he is some sort of God? He had to have been undercover - but for what? This was his gig! He was always stealing his gig!

It was no secret to the rival spy agencies of Konoha Incorporated and Taka Technologies that Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto have had somewhat of a past, in a “friendly” competitive work rivalry and in “love”, as Suigetsu puts it. Naruto is the son of the company’s co founder, so naturally, when an opening was available, he had received proper training and the best weapons and cases money could buy. It didn’t prove to give him any natural skill like Sasuke was graciously given, but he got his work done, one way or another. Corrupt politicians, sleazy B List producers, cheating husbands, and secret murderers all got what they was coming by either company - Naruto was just sloppy in his execution. And Sasuke was bitter. What came from money and power and pacifying a literal brat, he had to practice for years and learn the hard way through blood, sweat, and tears. He learned how to disguise himself, how to move in the night. He had the best training out there, but still, he was upstaged by Naruto more often than none. 

Immediately, he decided it would end tonight.

Sasuke had arrived early on the arm of Jugo, the both of them pretending to be a wealthy couple, eager to be invited to the illustrious art gallery investor’s party of the one and only Sai. It was a mission to protect the world renowned artist, and honestly, Sasuke could do it with his eyes closed, but they had been told it was nothing to sneeze at. He had kept his hair down and unstyled for the most part, curls at the ends. He had shimmied into a soft velvet sheath dress with a slit that rose clear past his hip bone and completed his frame with the plunging neckline that hung from thin straps on his shoulders, his Louboutin pumps and Alexander McQueen skull clutch helping him pull off the ensemble. It wasn’t as humiliating as he had thought it would be, but he didn’t miss the male gaze directed towards his thighs and back, as if he were a piece of meat. He was lucky Jugo had been an ex marine, ready to kick ass at the first sign of trouble, not that he couldn’t take care of himself, of course, even if he did wish he had his coat to cover up with when he had become too uncomfortable. Together, the two of them had gone to the bar to scope out the fast filling room, Jugo pulling out his chair.“Don’t look now, but dumbass just walked in.” Jugo whispered to his ear and Sasuke immediately prickled. He turned casually to the door as his partner ordered them both dry martinis, and his blue eyes caught the blond, the pretty girl with the black hair smiling up at him as he told her a joke. It made the raven at the bar press his tongue to the roof of his mouth as he turned away. “If he comes over here, please knock him out. Shisui didn’t tell us that we would have company.” Was all he said into his ear, a smile on his face as he pretended that what he had said in secrecy to his partner was something saucy and special for only the two of them to know. Jugo always caught on and matched his smile and gave him a wink as a response. “Will do, babe.”“Thank you, darling~”

As the night went on and the two of them took their martinis to mingle with other guests and pretend to introduce themselves to Sai as finanical backers, they diligently scanned the room for the men Sai’s booking agent had described, and when they noticed two men in the corner closest to them, talking with a group of art collectors, Jugo stood up straight. “Would you like to go first, or should I?” He asked and Sasuke had let go of Jugo’s arm to glide over to them, giving him his wordless answer.

The looks he received in this moment didn’t bother him. He only felt the gun in his holster and had his eyes on his prize. He was about fifteen feet away, able to see the whites of the eyes of the men he was going to kill when he heard a loud voice that made him stumble so badly that he almost twisted his ankle, a hand on his waist to catch him if he did trip. “Mikoto?” His alias was tossed around so carelessly that he wanted to strangle him. He turned his gaze up to see Naruto, the bright smile that came over his face was enough to make Sasuke’s heart reluctantly flutter but ultimately pissed him off. “I thought that was you.”

Sasuke had moved from him and put his hand on the hip that just had felt Naruto’s grip. “Minato. Why am I not surprised?” His glance moved to the woman who had been on him all night, talking to two other women in pretty bright dresses, sipping the pink champagne that was making the rounds from the caterers. He looked back to Jugo and when they shared a look (the partner asking to proceed and the lead agent giving him the go ahead), he kept alert but glanced up at his peer. 

“I came here to support my friend. He did a nude painting of me,” Naruto purred a little bit as he sipped on his own champagne. “Bet you are dying to see that.”“I already have,” Sasuke ho-hummed. “I wasn’t impressed the first time.”

“So that’s why you haven’t called me back~” Naruto wiggled his eyebrows. Sasuke should have slapped him. It would have been a good distraction, but he didn’t need the attention brought to his person when Jugo was advancing. His eyebrow twitched as he took in a deep breath.

“Yes, that must be it. Not because you are immature or can barely dress yourself.” 

Naruto feigned insulted. “Dissed by one so great as you? Surely you know all humans have faults.”

“You must have been gifted with the lot.” Sasuke blinked and smiled demurely, wanting so badly to turn around and go back to his fucking mission. He did manage to turn but he was grabbed on the arm by Naruto and was moved from where they stood. 

“Come on, Mikoto~ Don’t be like that. Let me get you a drink~” Sasuke tried to rip his arm from his clutch, but he didn’t come free on the first try, promptly giving up to not receive stares their way as he followed the blond to a more secluded area of the ballroom. If anything, Sasuke just deadpanned, thinking of all the things Naruto would pout about and try to relate with him on. It always started the same, but at least he wasn’t drunk this time. 

“Would you kindly let me go now?” He asked through gritted teeth. They had exited the ballroom and Sasuke was just getting more pissed. He was interfering. Why? Naruto was going to get his ass kicked to Timbuktu someday. “Minato-”

“No,” Came the reply and Sasuke rolled his eyes again.

“I’m not fucking around. Let me go.”

“No,” Naruto repeated as they walked and found their way to the hallways in the grand hotel. “Not until I get you away from them.”

Sasuke managed to pull his arm back this time but Naruto stopped so abruptly that he barely had time to comprehend his actions. “What are you talking about? That’s my fucking mission-” Naruto took him by the shoulders and started walking him backward down a hallway until their positions could switch. Now, he was being pulled. “Stop! What the fuck are you doing?!” He could yell freely now since they were away from the party and the whole floor was booked solid…

… at least he thought. Naruto pulled out a key card for room 2310 and he was promptly pulled into the dark room. Sasuke was backed up to the door and Naruto had his hands pressed against the cherry oak. Their blue eyes mingled in the small amount of light coming from the orange night sky and the buildings all around them. The Taka agent was about to speak when Naruto whispered low, through gritted teeth. What he said made Sasuke forget his train of thought almost completely for a moment.

“They aren’t here for Sai.”

“What,” he whispered back, really wanting to hit him now. “What are you fucking talking about?”

“Shut up.” He lowered his voice a bit more. “Listen to me. They are not here for Sai. It was a trap.”

Sasuke wanted to laugh. He really did. Was he hearing this right? He put his hands on Naruto’s shirt and used him for balance as he slipped out of the pumps - he proceeded to push Naruto into the main room, knocking him against the dividing wall. Now that they were deeper into the room, he could speak a hair louder. Naruto winced and in an instant, Sasuke had his gun (safety still on) pressed underneath his chin. “You are a God damned idiot if you think that this is a fucking set up. This was my job. How did you even hear about it?” He hissed. “Don’t think I won’t kill you right here, Uzumaki, it would make my life so much easier.”

“Hey, hey, slow down!” He whispered frantically, his pretty eyes pleading. Sasuke was totally in the light, but even with his eyes adjusted, he could see Naruto clear as day. “You think I would joke about this? I’m a spy too.”

“Hardly! You fucking take a quiet piss and you think you’re a damned spy!” He let him go, still pointing his gun at his forehead. “Give me three good reasons why I should listen to you. You have fifteen seconds–”

“Th…That isn’t enough time to–”

“–Fifteen, fourteen, thir–”

“AT LEAST COUNT THE MISSISSIPPIS!” He begged and started to think about what his father told him. “I have email proof from my dad stating from Gaara that they had heard of two men searching for you. Their descriptions matched and after some digging, we found that their names are affiliated with Orochimaru.”

That got Sasuke to stop counting. He stood paralyzed for a moment, slowly lowering the gun. “…Where…” He pursed his lips a moment. “Where have you heard that name?”

Naruto put up his hands and looked apologetically at Sasuke. “I don’t know anyone in our line of work who doesn’t know that name.” He reasoned. “The other two reasons shouldn’t matter. I’m here this time to protect you, not take out those guys. They’re just the decoys.”

“Decoys.” Sasuke repeated.

“I had to be sure we weren’t followed.You still have to keep your voice down, but the girl I was with will let us know if they start to head our way.” He pointed to his ear proudly, as if all agents didn’t use the same equipment. Normally Sasuke would have made fun of him for acting like he was so slick when it was all common knowledge, but he was in his own world. “And if they do, I’ll be ready for them. We will be ready.” Naruto could see the emotion and fear in his eyes from the light in the room and he moved close to press him into his arms. “I’d never do this to get in your way, S’suke. Please believe that.” The raven nodded in his arms, finally understanding what he had tried to do. 

“I do,” He whispered and rubbed his eyes. “…I thought I would be past that….fear, but…” He shook his head and he barely felt as Naruto lifted him into his arms, gentle and caring as he brought him to the bed. He was set down so gingerly, Sasuke felt as if he were on a cloud. He glanced up at Naruto, not realizing how close their faces were. They were no stranger to each other as sexual partners, but there was something different about this moment. It made him want to cling to it.

“I’ll keep watch at the door. Call your car and I’ll get Hinata to have Jugo stand down. Shikamaru can escort you out.” Naruto interrupted what felt like them having a moment, but Sasuke didn’t mind. He cleared his throat and looked away. “I know you don’t need protection, Sasuke…But I am happy to do it.”

Sasuke looked up to see a genuine look in the blond’s eyes and a sweet and promising smile on his face. Sasuke was glad his flush wouldn’t show in the dark. He pressed the call button that sat behind his ear and he received a soft beep in confirmation a second later that the car would be pulled around. “…Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. I saved your ass only so I could kick it,” Naruto snorted. Sasuke threw a pillow at him that got him to shut up.

[96percentdone]

On Chapter 6′s Audition Tapes

Among other things pfft

Alright so v3′s chapter six is hotly debated over what’s real and what isn’t, mostly because it’s an incoherent dumpster fire. There’s those who think it’s all true, those who think it’s all bullshit, and those who are like “no there’s a balance because the game has a balance.”

I’m not going to say which one of those stances is correct, namely because I haven’t worked out the entire puzzle, but with @zyzix and a few other people, I think I’ve figured out part of it. Namely, the audition tapes, which tie into several other details of chapter six and the prologue. More under the cut:

This is Saihara’s Audition tape, particularly the very start. I want you to notice a few things before I get into it: the floor, the angle, and censoring out of Saihara’s name. All of these are important. 

First, the floor. Now, I remember seeing another post on this subject, but I can’t find it anymore, so I’ll make the case myself. You can find hardwood flooring like that in another part of the school, specifically, in Shirogane’s lab. 

Sorry about the size and quality. If you can’t tell I’ve been relying on youtube playthroughs for screenshots cause my copy is on the vita. Anyway, in the back of Shirogane’s lab, she has this ever-changing set piece designed for photoshoots. This is the first set that shows up. As you can see, the floor is hardwood. Given Shirogane’s status as Ringleader, and this being her lab, it would be quite easy for her to use this setting to make fake audition tapes. All she would need to do was push all those desks and chairs aside.

But it’s not enough to just keep the floor in mind. That’s a weak case on it’s own, but for that I’d like to draw attention to the weird angle these were filmed at. The camera is basically above him. We can catch no glimpse of the walls, just Saihara. And it’s not only his audition from this angle.

Again, we’re above them. Pretty weird angle to use for an audition, y’know? If someone is trying to prove why they deserve to be on your show, you’d think you’d want to see them from a more natural angle. You’re not going to film the show at this angle, and it’s just inconvenient to have to stare right up at a camera for who knows how long.

So let’s bring us back to the set in Shirogane’s lab. Sure, you can push the desks and chairs aside, but if you were to use this to film fake tapes, you still have a problem: the blackboard built into the wall. 

If you look at the setting set itself up you see the blackboard comes up with the wall. It’s part of the wall, and it can’t be moved. So how do you avoid getting it in the shot? Fix your camera angle so it faces the floor. Maybe even mess with the lighting too so no hint of the wall can show up, given how dark this room they’re auditioning in seems to be.

But you’re all probably still wondering “even if Shirogane could use this setting to fake them, that doesn’t change she has cospox.” And I agree with that; so long as Shirogane can’t cosplay a real person without breaking out into hives, her pretending to be Saihara, Akamatsu, and Momota is entirely out of the question. But...that’s assuming she was cosplaying them.

I’d like to draw you to the name, or in particular, how it’s censored. See, that’s also weird for an audition tape, right? You would want to have the names of the people you’re considering to be on record. That’s just basic logic. So why censor it? Well, what if that’s because the names she used weren’t their names. 

I tried to link to the time stamp, but it didn’t work so head to 6:01. You’ll see Akamatsu and Saihara both introduce themselves by the name we know them as. Akamatsu even does so earlier in the prologue while in the locker, although it takes her a minute to remember her name, presumably because she was knocked out by the people who kidnapped her. Amami later uses his name, and with these, we can verify, these are their names.

If they were the ones in the audition tapes, it would be easier to leave their names in, as well as more convincing. But Shirogane can’t do that, because the names she used in the audition tapes are not their names. They’re fake names, for fictional characters that happen to look like them. She can’t cosplay a real person, but she can cosplay a fictional character who happens to look like them whenever she wants. 

Maybe you think that’s convenient. After all, it's still their entire appearance right? A name change shouldn’t be enough to cover for her. But that’s also why their audition tape selves don’t act like them either. @marisexmas wrote a meta on this I’ll link to here, but even if you just watch that part of the prologue again, you will see their personalities are not different from their in-game selves at all. Saihara is still nervous, Akamatsu is still take charge, among many others.

But their audition tape selves sure aren’t like that. Saihara’s a sweaty obsessive fanboy, Akamatsu really couldn’t give a shit about anyone, and Momota (who we know as staunchly anti-murder) is gleefully talking about killing people for money. Their audition tape characters seem to be just expies of real people with different names and different attitudes, and that’s because they are.

But there’s even more to support her having lied about their audition. In the video above take a look at the scene from 18:25-18:54. Now compare it to this flashback Shirogane shows us in chapter six, which is supposed to have happened right then.

You’ll see the flashback straight up doesn’t fit what we actually experienced in the prologue. Entire lines that should be there straight up just aren’t. This flashback straight up did not happen. 

Maybe you’re thinking “well from chapter 1 we know Akamatsu is an unreliable narrator” but that’s an entirely different circumstance from this. In that Akamatsu had commited murder, and while things relating to her set up were kept deliberately vague, they were still present. When you go back through chapter one you can see clear hints as to what’s actually going on. 

But this is different. Going back to the prologue scene after this flashback we’re shown no sign that Akamatsu is deceiving us. There are no vague statements where that flashback dialogue should be. It just cuts right to the next line.

Furthermore, on an emotional level, there’s no reason for her to be unreliable in the prologue either. When she’s planning to kill someone you can argue she thinks in vague terms because she doesn’t want to think that’s what she’s planning to do or what it’ll come to. There’s a clear reason for an emotional bias. But if that flashback is real, then shouldn’t Akamatsu’s clear elation at this reveal be present? Why wouldn’t she want to think about it if it’s what she wants?

Furthermore, we also have this: 

Again, Akamatsu has no reason to be an unreliable narrator at this point. This, therefore, should have happened. She was kidnapped off the streets and shoved into a locker. And again, if she willingly signed up to be part of this show, then why kidnap them? They signed paperwork, right? There’s like a whole contracting procedure that should have happened, and everyone who was accepted should have just shown up to the set ready to start work. But they were kidnapped. This entire thing reeks of illegal. 

Akamatsu has no reason to lie, but you know who does? Shirogane. Shirogane in chapter six has a very clear agenda. To make everyone complete her killing game exactly the way she wants them to, and that means causing them an exorbitant amount of despair. And what could be more despair-inducing than telling someone they literally auditioned for their misery? It’d be difficult to top that.

With Shirogane’s final “cosplaycat killer” line I’m inclined to think chapter 6 went the way she wanted it to. Working under the assumption she’s a huge dangan ronpa fangirl, which makes sense given her talent and her cosplays that chapter, of course she’d aim for the “Dangan Ronpa Ending.” The survivors after enduring boatloads of despair, decide “no fuck that fuck you we won’t do what you want” and defeat their mastermind, and that’s exactly what happened. They didn’t vote. V3′s ending plays out much like sdr2′s and dr1′s. To get the outcome she wants she’ll do anything, even lie, which fits thematically with the game.

I’m not sure about everything in chapter 6. There’s still a lot of bad writing in that chapter, and even with this, there are a few weird questions. Like who the audience was, and what the actual fuck was up with Kiibo, among other things. But I think this is a good start.

TL;DR: The audition tapes are fake bullshit, the ch6 flashback is also fake bullshit, but hey cospox is real.

[ick25]

Rockman.EXE Episode 16 Review.

Is this foreshadowing?

Hallelujah!

We start the episode with Netto walking around, completely blindfolded.

Looks like something spontaneus because not even Rockman Knows why is he doing this.

We get a flashback of last episode where Enzan and Blues perform the Program Advance back when Count Elec did his static trick.

Back to Netto’s blindfolded walk, Rockman tries to help him but it only results in this funny scene.

And that is why Rockman is the Navi and not the operator, also, I have to point out the lazy animation, right at the start I can tell the animation for this episode is gonna be low quality.

After Netto falls on his back like a turtle, Rockman reminds him that Meiru and Tohru’s battle is about to start, which was mention in the last episode. The match begins and we see Tohru’s un-official plug-in secuense.

And we get a stand off between Roll and Iceman, who will win?

The first two of many mistakes we will find in this episode.

After the title card appears, we get a description of both challengers. I am loving Roll’s picture.

Followed by.. Tohru’s sad picture.

Again, Tohru?! Does your father hit you or something? Because that’s what everybody’s gonna think when they see your picture!

Mariko-sensei wishes both of them good luck, Masa takes out his special flag, Yaito and Dekao start talking about who will win, and Netto manages to arrive just in time.

Now we start the battle with Roll moving first.

EAT CANDY HEARTS! I dont remember this part from the dub, though.

Iceman avoids her hearts and shoots a snow crystal at her, which she evades gracefully.

Meiru decides to send the Aqua tower battle chip with the same beautiful animation for Roll from episode 8, and Iceman tries to counter it by summoning his ice pillars from episode 6.

This is what happens when two recycled animations collide.

Tohru decides to send the Ice cube or Ice block (Im not sure anymore) and Meiru sends the triple lance chip, which results in a draw.

As everyone is focused on the battle, Netto doesn’t seem too invested for he is busy practicing the Program Advance with Rockman. Hey, his mullet is back! XD

That’s mistake number three.

After this, we cut to the training room where two Net Navis are practicing for their next battles.

The Navis talk about how they are gonna defeat their opponents who are... Bombman and Stoneman? Poor guys.

However, they wont have the chance to even fight them since said Navis suddently appear to take them out.

Let’s cut back to the epic battle that is Roll vs Iceman.

They seem evenly matched and everybody talks about how the battle might end on a tie. They both get up again, as Tohru tells Iceman to prepare to use his Blizzard attack, Meiru sends, what I imagine is another rare chip Yaito gave her, the Cyclone chip.

Which makes Roll start spinning for some reason.

The Cyclone is a variation of the Typhoon virus we saw in the last episode, which might confirm my theory of Virus chips and Battle chips having the same name.

It’s a face off between Iceman’s Blizzard and Roll’s Cyclone!

This literally stops time with everybody, who cares about this match, waiting in suspense.

How will physics play out in this battle?

Like this, the Cyclone returns the blizzard to Iceman who freezes, resulting on the emo looking Tohru losing the battle. Iceman has been ICED!

The battle ends and Tohru congratulates Meiru for her victory. Oh look, Enzan was watching the battle too, does he have anything to say about it?

Or he can just ignore it and focus on these mysterious looking giants on the hallway. To be honest, after seeing Enzan’s giant bodyguards, I don’t find their hight weird at all, maybe that means they’re either Americans or Europeons.

We cut to mistake number four with Roll’s hair gone, as everybody praises Meiru and Tohru for their battle.

Except for Netto who is still doing the Program Advance air training.

Midorikawa announces the next two battles with the two strange operators, one in the main “flower” dome and the other in the “micro” sub dome, for what I can see from these layouts, the crowd is either really tiny or none existing!

Their Navis happen to be Bombman and Stoneman! We get full shots of both Navis resulting on consistant mistake number five, Bombman’s eyes are purple when they are suppoused to be red.

I say consistant since this happens a lot throughout the episode, so I better count this as one.

Midorikawa tells the audience that Bombman and Stoneman’s opponents have not appear yet, resulting in both Navis winning by default.

Its Drill Mach! Not Drillman! There is already a Drillman. EXE

Now that I think about it, how does one trademark their Navi’s Name? Does the internet tell you when a certain name is taken?

Anyway, Bombman and Stoneman win by default and Midorikawa says that they remain unbeaten, this not only confuses Netto, but Mahajarama tells the other World Three operators that they are probably the new Navis sent by Dr.Wily.

After commercials, we see the WWW operators having lunch outside the dome, complaning about these new operators whom they know nothing about. And I’m just focused on the weird hairdo of the little girl running in the background.

Wouldn’t it be akward if Netto just suddenly appear and see them all together like this and accusing them to be the World Three in front of everyone? But Netto is in the training room practicing the program advance with Rockman while blindfolded, however, something seems wrong because after the official animation for the program advance (in a completely different background BTW) Rockman falls backwards.

I’m gonna count that background fail as mistake number six.

Rockman tells Netto that there isn’t enough room, but Netto says that he is just too distracted by Bombman and Stoneman being unbeaten.

I found mistake number seven!

Netto tells Rockman that Higure-san said that all of Bombman and Stoneman’s opponents were attacked before their matches, making both of them very suspicious. 

Dekao comes in to tell Netto that the pairings for the upcoming tagged matches are going to be announced. Meanwhile, Higure is trying to get an interview from the huge operators, but they end up destroying his mic leaving him terrified.

Netto and Dekao happend to see this and decide to follow the mysterious netops, who attemp to murder them by throwing them off the second floor.

Okay, there is water below, but turns out Dekao doesn’t know how to swim, and Netto does the mistake of trying to help him from the front.

Which is kind of weird because fat people are suppose to float easily, but it looks like he was just exaggerating since they stop splashing after Saloma appears to help them out.

FYI, when trying to help somebody who is drowning, never aproach from the front! Always grab them from behind or else they will take you down too.

Anyway, Saloma tells them that she is paired up with Dekao and, by the power of super plot conviniense, are gonna fight against Bombman and Stoneman.

Its Bombman, not Bomberman!

I didn’t even now he was in the tournament.

We start the first match of the tag team battles with Saloma’s first plug-in sequence.

Now its time for the mystery operators to plug-in.

HOLY COW, THEY CAN TALK!

We start the battle with Saloma telling Dekao that Woodman will fight Stoneman, so Gutsman charges at Bombman and starts punching him. Woodman uses some vines to inmobilized Stoneman, something I had no idea he could do.

Dekao then sends a Battle Chip to Gutsman which he calls by the wrong name.

This doesn’t do anything to Bombman, and Stoneman frees himself from Woodman’s vines. The two Navis tell their opponents that they will never be able to move them, making Meiru cheer for Dekao for once.

I don’t ship them but this is cute.

Dekao sends the same exact battle chip from before but this time with the right name, so I’m gonna count the scene from before as mistake number eight.

Gutsman uses the Guts Hammer but Bombman blocks it with a barrier, and Woodman summons wood towers only for Stoneman to break them as easy as breaking a toothpick.

During this, Netto tells Yaito that there is something strange going on with the mystery operators since they haven’t move since the battle started, which Miyuki, Enzan and Mahajarama noticed as well.

In fact, Mahajarama uses an insane Alakazam psychic move to prove his theory to the other World Three members.

Mahajarama is a POKEMON! That’s why he can use Teleport! O0O

How can you see that from up there?!

Higure tells her that they are not plugging out and Enzan figures out the truth.

Who said that? Did Netto hear Enzan say that just now? HOW?!

Stoneman and Bombman, with another shot of Bombman’s purple eyes, reveal the identity of the operators before the whole audience.

They are Robots! What is even happening right now?!

Turns out Stoneman and Bombman are completely independant Net Navis, which means that they don’t need operators to battle or plug them in. Which raises the question of how they even manage to enter the tournament in the first place. Maybe the staff is even more incompetant than I thought.

Gutsman and Woodman decide to attack again, but Bombman and Stoneman are just too much for them and end up beating them easily.

Still counting the purple eyes as one.

Gutsman and Woodman are forced to log out, and Bombman and Stoneman declare that Sharkman and Rockman won’t stand a chance, spoiler alert!

The next tag battle is Netto teaming up with Commander Beef, who suddenly appears next to him.

This is followed by Yaito’s remark of the Commander feeling familiar.

Huh, he helped you get rid of the fire viruses back in episode 13, remember?

So Netto ends the episode staring at his future opponents, determined to beat them.

My thoughts?

This episode would feel like a huge filler if it wasn’t because it introduced Bombman and Stoneman, although we already saw them back in episode 14, their names were still a mystery. Anyone who played the game know that Bombman and Stoneman were World Three Navis, but there was no mention of them having operators, so the anime kept it that way by making them the first independant Navis.

The animation for this episode was very low quality since it featured a lot of miscolors and mistakes, shots were reused and others were added, and I’m not talking about the dub, this is to save money in the animation.

If you follow me on Deviantart you would know that I call the art style for this episode “Simple”, because it is usually found in episodes that don’t require a lot of movement and the action sequenses are kinda slow.

An example of this style being used was in episode nine, which also featured some minor animation mistakes.

For the dub version, Roll throwing her hearts at Iceman was cutted for some reason, and for the dialogue change, the scene where Yaito talks about the Commander feeling familiar was changed to her noticing that Masa was gone, which makes more sense since he was sitting above them.

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #119 - Who Framed Roger Rabbit

Spoilers Below

Have I Seen It Before: Yes.

Did I Like It Then: Yes.

Do I Remember It: Yes.

Did I See It In Theaters: No

Edit: At the time of writing this I did not see the film in theaters, but have recently.

Was it a movie I saw since August 22nd, 2009: Yes. #565.

Format: DVD

1) Starting this comedy/noir film off with what appears to be an animated cartoon from the 40s is a good way of establishing tone for a few reasons. First of all it tells us what kind of toons Roger and company are. The kind that star in short after short after short like Mickey Mouse or Bugs Bunny, as opposed to say the Care Bears (it was the 80s, so I’m going with that example) who had a TV Show and a movie. It also introduces us to Roger, Baby Herman, the idea of ACME in cartoons, and Maroon studios. Also the film’s excellence in slapstick is there from the get go.

2) But as soon as the cartoon is over, we’re in the “real” world. This film has a slight bit of edge to it that I wildly appreciate. Not like Martin Scorsese edge, but come on. This is a film starring animated characters that has swearing, murder, sexual innuendo galore, and an alcoholic main character. For example in the original version of the film (now edited out): after Baby Herman walks under the skirt of a female employee on set, his finger is extended upward and has some liquid on it. That is VERY adult but will go over the heads of children.

3) According to IMDb:

Joel Silver's cameo as the director of the Baby Herman cartoon was a prank on Disney chief Michael Eisner by Robert Zemeckis and Steven Spielberg. Eisner and Silver hated each other from their days at Paramount Pictures in the early '80s, particularly after the difficulties involved in making 48 Hrs. (1982). Silver shaved off his beard, paid his own expenses, and kept his name out of all initial cast sheets. When Eisner was told, after the movie was complete, who was playing the director - Silver was nearly unrecognizable - he reportedly shrugged and said, "He was pretty good."

4) Bob Hoskins as Eddie Valiant.

Eddie is a wildly interesting character. He’s a former goofball who has kept his sharp tongue for wiseass remarks and being a pain in the ass, which is always appreciated by me. His conflict is incredibly interesting (more on that later) and he’s just a great character to follow around in this world.

Bob Hoskins is perfect for this role. I’ll go into detail on this later but his interactions with the cartoon characters look easy when they’re not, and Hoskins is able to balance the sourpuss aspect of Eddie’s personality with the wiseass, heartache, alcoholism, and former goofball in a complete package.

According to IMDb:

On the Special Edition DVD, Robert Zemeckis recounts that he had stated in a newspaper interview that Bill Murray was his and producer Steven Spielberg's original choice for the role of Eddie Valiant, but neither could get in contact with him in time. Bill Murray, in turn, has stated that when he read the interview he was in a public place, but he still screamed his lungs out, because he would have definitely accepted the role.

I think Hoskins can’t be replaced though.

5) This film is more of a noir film than an animated fantasy. You have your archetypes like RK Maroon begin the big money slime, Judge Doom is the shady government official, and Jessica Rabbit it the femme fatale. This is felt in every aspect of the film, from the cinematography right down to Alan Silvestri’s wonderful music.

6) Remember how I said Eddie had a great conflict?

Angelo [bar patron who Eddie flipped out on]: “What’s his problem?”

Dolores [Eddie’s sort-of-girlfriend and bar owner]: “Toon killed his brother.”

Like that is such a strange idea, a murderous toon, and it provides such great conflict for Eddie. A conflict which we see laid out before us when the camera takes the time to look at all the stuff on his and Teddy’s desk. You SEE that Eddie is in pain, and without a flashback you see the guy he used to be when his brother was around. The fun goofball who liked working Toontown and helpings toons out. To go from that to where he is now takes a lot of heartbreak.

7) I love that the password to get into the Ink & Paint Club is, “Walt sent me.”

8) Daffy and Donald Duck.

This is the first (and to date only) time cartoon characters owned by Warner Brothers and Disney have appeared in a film together. Since the film was being made by Disney, WB only allowed to have their characters show up if the major characters had the same amount of screen time as the Disney characters. That’s why Donald/Daffy and later Mickey/Bugs always share the screen together.

As a kid THIS was my favorite part of the film! The crossover aspect. Getting to see characters interact who normally don’t. AND they got the official actors at the time to voice them. Mel Blanc voices all his Looney Tunes characters, Tony Anselmo is Donald, and Wayne Allwine is Mickey Mouse. These aren’t cheap cameos, these are the genuine articles and that’s amazing!

9) There are also some appearances by non-Disney/non-WB characters, such as Betty Boop.

I think the inclusion of Betty is a nice way to pay respect to the early days of studio animation, and her original voice actress was still alive at the time so she got a chance to reprise the character.

10) Jessica Rabbit.

Before anything else, I would just like to point out that Jessica’s proportions are PURPOSEFULLY impossible. I think that this is done to play into the idea of her being a femme fatale, but more so even to critique some of the ridiculous bodies animated female characters have (but that last part may just be wishful thinking on my part). Kathleen Turner unfortunately does not get credit for her voiceover work as Jessica, which is a shame because she gives the character so much of her heart and intrigue. When she’s just the femme fatale Jessica’s a bit of a stereotype but by the end of the film she becomes truly interesting to me because she doesn’t just fill that role. There’s also a fan theory about Jessica I’m totally onboard with, but more on that later.

11) Robert Zemeckis’ films are marked for their incredible special effects, and Who Framed Roger Rabbit is no exception. Ask yourself: every time an animated character opens a door, or moves a desk, or splashes water, or bumps into a lamp, or (in the case of Jessica) pulls Eddie close to them by his tie and then lets him go, how did they do that on set? Because they had to! CGI is not a factor in this film. The animation is done by drawing over the film that was shot in the traditional fashion, but everything else had to be done practically on set. It’s so subtle and so natural that I marvel at it every time.

12) Okay, I love the theory that Jessica Rabbit is asexual. If you want to read the full post click the link above but here are the basic points of argument:

She’s in love with a rabbit because he makes her laugh.

She uses her body to get things she wants from people, but outside of that doesn’t she interest in anybody.

Her line, “I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way.”

Her line, “You don’t know how hard it is being a woman looking the way I do.”

The only thing that really contradicts the theory is that later in the movie Eddie says to Jessica that Roger is a better lover than a driver, to which she replies, “You better believe it buster.” But I can easily see that as her defending his loving husband side instead of any sexual prowess.

13) Another thing that supports the asexual Jessica theme is that instead of her doing anything sexual with Marvin Acme, she plays Patty Cake with him. Like literally, patty cake.

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

That is a joke I did not understand as a child.

14) I haven’t talked too much about Roger’s voice actor yet, Charles Fleischer.

During filming, Charles Fleischer delivered Roger Rabbit's lines off camera in full Roger costume including rabbit ears, yellow gloves and orange cover-alls. During breaks when he was in costume, other staff at the studios would see him and make comments about the poor caliber of the effects in the "rabbit movie".

Fleischer’s voice IS Roger in so many ways. All he can do to deliver Roger’s heart is speak, and Fleischer’s performance in this film is not to be underwritten because it is amazing. It is full with such life, such heart, and a surprising amount of honesty. It works brilliantly.

15) You have to keep your eyes open for the little innuendos in this film. For example, when Eddie meets Jessica at the crime scene he quickly peeks down at her boobs. This is the first time I’ve ever noticed that and I’ve seen this film a lot.

16) Christopher Lloyd as Judge Doom.

Director Robert Zemeckis had worked with Lloyd on their most iconic film Back to the Future (where Lloyd played Doc Brown), and now Lloyd gets to show off his villainous side. He is wonderfully and gleefully evil, showing no remorse and has a cartoon like quality which makes the bad guy work wonderfully in the role. He’s just threatening enough but also just funny enough. And Lloyd never phones it in once. It’s a fantastic performance through and through.

16.5) Can we talk about how this judge just murdered a cartoon shoe for no other reason than to show that he could and no one stopped him. Like, is the shoe technically a prop and so it doesn’t count as murder? Because that thing seems more alive than a prop!

17) So I talked about Roger’s voice actor but not much about Roger as a character yet.

Roger is a pure cartoon character, and I mean that in a sort of literal sense. He’s not tainted by greed or hatred, he is pure joy and humor. A bit of a dunce but he trusts people and WANTS to see the best in them. His entire purpose in life is to make people life and that feeds every decision he makes. It’s a wonderful cartoon counterpart to Hoskins as Eddie.

18) Hoskins’ interactions with Roger is where he shines. Because remember, Hoskins was not on set with Rogers. He was looking at an empty space which would be drawn in latter. But when you watch the film he’s never looking through the space. He’s miming it excellently, he is looking AT an animated character who isn’t even there yet. It’s amazing and the key reason he excels in the role.

19) I never caught this line before.

Roger [asking Eddie for help]: “You know there’s no justice for toons anymore.”

So toons are sort of a disenfranchised minority. That’s an interesting concept. If there’s a sequel maybe they’ll play with it.

20) According to IMDb:

When Eddie takes Roger Rabbit into the back room at the bar where Dolores works to cut apart the hand-cuffs, the lamp from ceiling is bumped and swinging. Lots of extra work was needed to make the shadows match between the actual room shots and the animation. Today, "Bump the Lamp" is a term used by many Disney employees to refer to going that extra mile on an effect just to make it a little more special, even though most audience members will never notice it.

21) @theforceisstronginthegirl, this is for you:

(GIF originally posted by @i-am-the-wallflower)

Nothing sums up Roger more than the fact that he can only get out of those handcuffs when it’s funny. It feeds into how Roger entertains all the guys at the tavern because they’re down on their luck, even though they could turn him over to Doom for a ton of cash (but they don’t). He believes in the power of laughter.

22)

Judge Doom [upon observing the record on the record player]: “‘The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down’. Quite a looney selection for a bunch of drunken reprobates.”

“The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down” is the theme to the Looney Tunes shorts.

23) The rest of the bar scene is filled with so many great cartoon gags. The fact that Judge Doom is able to lure Roger out by having him respond to, “Shave and a haircut,” is great. But a subtler reference is how Eddie gets Roger to drink the alcohol and loose control (thereby freeing himself from Doom). They go back and forth where Eddie wants Roger to drink the drink but Roger doesn’t want it, but when Eddie says Roger DOESN’T want the drink Roger says he wants it just to continue the conflict. Sound familiar?

24) Benny the cab is another fun original character added to the film, and he’s the same voice over actor as Roger!

25) I find this hysterical.

Benny [right before they’re going to hit a car]: “Pull the lever!”

Eddie: “Which one?”

Roger: “Which one?”

Benny: “‘WHICH ONE?’!?”

26) I am so ashamed of myself that I never caught the Back to the Future reference this film makes! Benny is driving down an alleyway and the evil weasels are driving straight towards him, and one of the weasels declares, “I’m gonna ram him!” Well in Back to the Future (also directed by Robert Zemeckis) Biff Tannen is about do the same thing to Marty McFly and says the EXACT same line as we get the EXACT same shot of his car!

I love that.

27) Me too Roger, me too.

Roger [expecting another cartoon to play in the movie theater but it’s a news reel]: “I hate the news.”

28) When we were introduced to Roger in the opening cartoon, I was trying to dissect what made him a unique cartoon character. Like Donald has his temper tantrums, Bugs Bunny is a wise guy, and Roger I’ve discovered likes to go on tangents. Like someone will tell him to do something and he’ll talk for five minutes about how well he’ll do it even when no one is around to listen. I like that.

29) The animated bullets Eddie uses in the gun given to him by Yosemite Sam are very much in the style of Chuck Jones and I can appreciate that.

30) It’s pretty fun watching for all the animated characters the filmmakers inserted into Toontown.

31) Droopy Dog is another cartoon character who shows up despite not being owned by Disney or WB. This meant he got to show up again later in an animated Roger Rabbit cartoon.

32) When Eddie is in a Toontown bathroom there’s writing on the wall that says, “For a Good Time Call Alyson ‘Wonderland’,” but then there’s no phone number. The theatrical release DID have a phone number but it was Michael Eisner’s home phone (I think) so it was edited out for the home video release.

33) What could possibly top Donald Duck & Daffy Duck dueling pianos?

I love everything about this. But it also gets to another agreement between WB & Disney: Disney did not want any of their characters doing anything to harm Eddie, so that’s why when he gets the “spare” from Mickey & Bugs (it’s a spare tire but he thought it was a parachute) it is BUGS who gives it to him!

Honestly it’d be awesome if Disney and WB could make more crossover cartoons. That would be pretty awesome.

34) File this one under jokes I didn’t get as a kid:

35) So Judge Doom’s end goal, his whole villainous plan, is to construct...a freeway? God, if it weren’t for the twist coming up that would’ve been so stupid.

36) Eddie’s comedy routine is great. It shows Bob Hoskins’ skill at slapstick and goofball and is just a joy to watch. Also we get this fun line:

Eddie: I'm through with taking falls / And bouncing off the walls / Without that gun, I'd have some fun / I'd kick you in the...

[bottle falls on his head]

Roger: Nose!

Head Weasel: Nose? That don't rhyme with "walls."

Eddie: No, but this does. [kicks Head Weasel in the balls, propelling him into a vat of Dip]

37) Doom is a toon!

This is a nice twist in the film that you can totally see was setup if you’re looking for it. Christopher Lloyd is able to play Doom with an even bigger sense of cartoony evil, and it means his end goal of a freeway isn’t so stupid after all.

38) The train that hits the dip machine at the end has a bunch of window. If you go through it frame by frame, each window depicts someone being murdered. Fun fun fun.

39) According to IMDb:

The opening track on the Sting album "...Nothing Like the Sun", the song "The Lazarus Heart" was originally written as the movie's musical finale, at an early stage of the movie's production when the book's tragic ending, where Roger is killed in the crossfire during the final duel, was still in the script. When the studio ordered its default ending to be used at the film's end, in which Roger is alive at the end of the duel, however, the song was deleted from the script and ended up on Sting's album instead.

40) I like that the film ends not only with the classic, “That’s All Folks,” but also Tinkerbell to let us know this was special.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit is awesome. It’s fun, funny, gives us interesting characters, has effects which stand the test of time even 29 years later, and is just a wonderful ride. Hoskins’ performance and the animation are the true standouts here, but that is not to discredit any of the other amazing aspects of the film. A true joy to watch all the way through.

[heyymonkey2]

First Night Back in Fuuga Chapter 20: Borrowed Lives

AO3 Link to Chapter 20

Summary: Everything Yona, Soo-Won, and Hak want is exactly what they can no longer have

::-:: Hours before Hak’s arrival ::-::

Back to when Yona and Soo-Won are face to face in front of the troops. Soo-Won has just offered Yona to come with him to where she’ll be staying under his protection.

“I think you’ll find, Your Majesty, when it comes to people who need protected here: I’m not one of them.”

Keishuk’s eyes flash, General Joo-Doh cocks his head in surprise, but Soo-Won takes her warning to heart, searching deep into Princess Yona’s eyes. A woman now. With a tongue that cuts.

“Of course, I remember your friend from Awa,” Soo-Won eyes flit up to Jae-Ha and he smiles brightly.

A corner of Jae-Ha’s mouth lifts and his eyes twinkle back. Two can play this game of amiability and charm. Oh and shall they play -- because they both know that he is not what she was referencing. Take heed of that bow on her back. Or the blade she’s packing. He may look like her bodyguard, but separate them and just try to put her in danger -- you’ll still find yourself at the end of a blade.

Jae-Ha feels a squeeze of his hand. Oh, right, the king just addressed me.

“It’s good to see you well, King Soo-Won,” Jae-Ha lifts Yona’s hand to his lips as the sting of his meaning invisibly reaches Soo-Won -- Jae-Ha, who once saved him from certain death by Hak’s bare and bloodied hands, is now fully aware of who he is and why things went down the way they did that day. Jae-Ha tenderly pecks the princess' hand, then lowers it back down in a possessive grip. As the men watching on the sidelines wonder who this man is who would touch the princess like that in front of the king... “We’ve all been through quite a lot since Awa, haven’t we? But here we are, still smiling. Let’s do good work together.”

“Indeed,” Soo-Won speaks calmly, unmoved, but Yona can feel the weight in the air between these two masters of facade.

“Well then,” Yona’s eyes widen as she realizes she just said that phrase exactly the way Hak always does -- careful! -- then quickly proceeds, “Let’s go where we may make preparations.”

“Follow me,” the way Soo-Won speaks to her is even, but someone watching closely would be able to catch the hint of tenderness.

As Yona and Jae-Ha follow the powerful men through the camp, they pass by dozens upon dozens of tents. Some fulls of weapons, others medic setups, there’s food, and, of course, there are cramped sleeping spaces to protect the troops from the weather.

Both men and women stop what they are doing to catch a glimpse of the esteemed party as they go by. It’s been so long since Yona has experienced this -- her heart drops a little. Traveling in disguise with her new family, they could pop in anywhere and hear the people’s stories, go undercover to get to the bottom of an awful operation -- but what now? If she’s the princess in everyone’s eyes again… was that time on the road just… the most unexpected of stolen happinesses… a borrowed life she walked through like a season in passing? Her heart screams with nostalgia, I want to go back!

Yona watches Soo-Won’s back as they walk forward. Her heart still races at the sight of him. But it’s not excitement. It’s like a punch in the gut. Like she wants to fall to her knees and cry in rending sobs. PTSD. It was the worst the first couple times she unexpectedly encountered him. Back then, even knowing she was in the same tribe lands was enough to send her into a daze -- the kind of stupor that Hak could always spot and would draw her back out of without her even noticing how. Idiot. And with that thought, Yona finds herself, just a little, actually smiling. Even in this moment. How did it come to be that when I look at Soo-Won, instead of feeling that soul-crushing pain... all I can think about is how much I love Hak?

Out of the corner of his eye, Soo-Won sees it -- Yona is smiling? He faces forward again as they walk. Who is this girl? Each time he’s encountered her since the night everything was set in motion, literally every single time there’s been something new in her eyes. And each time it’s become more definite, harder to ignore, concerning. She had wanted to kill him before… perhaps… at least her hand was on his sword that day in Awa when he hid her within his robes. But each meeting thereafter up until their powerful and effective peace negotiations with Xing, her focus has shifted. It’s clear she has her own goals now. But… what is it that you want, Yona?

As General Joo-Doh moves aside the cloth flap of a tent and beckons them all in, Soo-Won no longer leads but enters side by side with Yona, and for a split second a different, forbidden reality plays across his mind -- even if this were them just a year before, this could have been a possibility… they walking next to one another as friends. With affection between them. She looking up to him with admiration and that light only she had… to him. It’s not to say he expected her confession the night she said she loved him. But rather, all confusing feelings aside, that she had always been a special person in some capacity. Yes, Yona was always special.

“Yona!!!--” the joy in Lili’s voice is palpable as she springs to her feet and pulls a stunned Yona into her embrace.

As Soo-Won watches the scene, barring any and all emotion from his face under the gazes of Keishuk and General Joo-Doh, he erases the scene of his fantasy in his mind and comes back to this scene of reality in the physical world. Of which he cannot be a participant. Ever since the night of his sin, a cold, iron line was drawn between those two worlds for him. Only one thing can play out now. And those once-nostalgic moments of peace he shared with his precious friend Yona… were just from a borrowed life, a time long ago left behind.

Yona hadn’t been expecting this. LILI?! Here?! Amazing. A little frightening given the circumstances, but something that plastered a permanent smile on Yona’s face for the afternoon. Soo-Won, Keishuk, and General Joo-Doh left shortly after dropping she and Jae-Ha off there. They’d meet later to discuss Li Hazara and the timing of the war. But for now, Yona was asked to please rest, change into fresh clothes, eat, and stay put.

“That had to’ve sucked!” Lili looks Yona’s dirt-splattered, still-drying travelwear up and down, “It was pouring out there earlier. Did you ride all the way here?” Lili’s eyes go wide at the thought of Yona horseback riding across the countryside like a badass princess.

Yona blushes a little and looks up at Jae-Ha -- naw, she flew. But maybe they wouldn’t get into that just yet and -- wait, why is Jae-Ha scowling?

“What exactly are you saying? Even traveling between two tribes in two days, Yona Dear is still the most splendid woman across both lands. No matter the weather.”

Oh, sass. Lili wasn’t quite expecting that -- she hadn’t spoken much with Jae-Ha before, but apparently he was feeling rather confident in his relationship with her close friend and idol, “Yona is beautiful,” she smiles at her, then, “And she’ll look even more beautiful in my clothes. They are clean and dry. And mine.”

Ohhhhh. Jae-Ha smiles with both annoyance and intrigue. Who the hell does this girl think she is? “It’ll be your clothes’ honor. My dear...” Jae-Ha moves his arms around Yona’s shoulders from behind and slowly undoes her cloak’s tie and begins to take it off, all the while watching Lili watch him.

“Who the hell do you think you are?” Lili doesn’t do pretense.

Yona finds herself blushing between the two of them, “Lili… Jae-Ha… you’re both precious friends to me and I may not have many here... please try to get along,” she grabs Lili’s folded dress from the table and heads to behind a pretty flower-design changing panel.

Lili sits staring up curiously, angrily at Yona’s new cocky, jealous bodyguard (?) Jae-Ha. She attracts a type, doesn’t she? Jae-Ha stands looking down at this foul-mouthed, bullheaded, over-possessive noble girl. Yona dear could be more selective in her “precious” friends.

Lili does her best… “I miss Hak. Where is he?”

“Well then,” Hak slides off his steed and casually rests his glaive staff behind his neck, “This should be interesting.”

The Wind Tribe army and Happy Hungry Bunch dismount behind him, Tae-Woo stands at his side, “Are we meeting with the king?”

“I didn’t tell him I was coming.”

Tae-Woo narrows his eyes at two figures approaching with a good stride, “Then who…” and then he recognizes them from his many meetings at the palace -- Kyo-Ga and Tae-Jun. Then immediately like a reflex, “You hate him.”

“I said it would be interesting.”

“You told them you were coming but not the king?”

“We were just in Saika. It worked out.”

That registers for Tae-Woo. The timing plus why he’s aware Hak hates Tae-Jun in the first place, “...he and the princess?”

“Not another word,” Hak warns.

Tae-Woo gulps as the brothers appear before them, “You’ve arrived -- welcome,” Kyo-Ga gestures an arm at the expanse of the camp, “I’m looking forward to winning this war together.”

Tae-Woo registers the brilliance of what Lord Hak just arranged… if the Fire and Wind tribe armies win alongside each other in this… all the tension and scandal from the river blockage a few months ago would be washed away. It’s no wonder Lord Hak has always been his idol… although he does now better understand the sad contempt in his eyes when he looks at Tae-Jun. It’s too bad… how unfair life has been to Lord Hak… but if she ends up pregnant with his child, with things as they are, it will only get more unfair for the both of them...

Yona didn’t get her opportunity to meet with Soo-Won that night. Something else -- some sort of emergency -- got in the way. So she slept in a rather overly-complicated arrangement between Lili and Jae-Ha. All three of them squished into a single bed -- because Lili thought it imprudent for Yona to be sleeping with Jae-Ha and Jae-Ha refused to let Yona sleep alone with someone who could be a wolf in sheep’s clothing, on Soo-Won’s side all along.

“With that mouth, you’re more like a wolf in wolf’s clothing,” Jae-Ha complains to Lili as they sneak out the back of the tent. All three of them were tired of being cooped up in there when the new day had broken.

After throwing unimpressed eyes up at Jae-Ha, “Ah, finally! The sun! They’ve kept me inside those tents the entire time! And before that, they wouldn’t let me leave the castle! And before that, my father kept me trapped as a punishment, too -- remember that, Yona?”

“My,” to everyone’s surprise, including his own, it is Jae-Ha her answers as they walk between a long row of tents, “It is disgusting that anyone ever did that to you.”

Lili looks up at him, shocked, “You think so, too?”

“Though it does explain your temperament.”

Lili frowns disgust, yep -- this guy is still this guy, and strides ahead in front of them.

Jae-Ha watches after, “We all should be free. Or the suffering is unbearable.”

They reach the training fields and see over a thousand warriors, men and even some kickass women, getting both mentally and physically prepared for the fight ahead. Jae-Ha watches Yona watching -- of course, her eyes are scanning all those fighting. Because some of them are following the orders of leaders working them through drills. There is one leader he knows she's looking for.

Another 20 minutes of walking and Yona sees Han-Dae -- who sees her, too. And Jae-Ha. He waves at them both, then gets back to sparring with his partner. Yona’s heart quickens unbelievably at this revelation that the Wind Tribe is here. He said he’d be with the Wind Tribe. Yun and the rest of the dragons, too. Are they here?

Lili notices how tense Yona is, like she’s been searching, reaching for something she wants more than anything and it’s almost -- there. Lili follows her eyeline and sees Hak right there with over a hundred men following his orders. They are coming at him one by one and he deflects each while commenting on their wrong move.

Last night they had said that they’d parted ways with him -- but seeing Yona see him now. Bullshit.

Across the field, Hak tries to focus. They need to win this war and if he has his way it will be with as few casualties as possible. These men are not as in shape as he desperately hoped they would be. How many will he be able to protect, save? That’s why he’s got to be hard on them now.

But he saw Han-Dae wave, saw the way his face lit up at whatever it was he was waving at. No random other soldier would have caused that. And Tae-Woo is right over here so… he doesn’t want to look and yet the desire is slowly taking over his entire mind. He’s going to start making mistakes. Which means he’s going to be less effective in saving these warriors’ lives. Should he look? But if he sees her, will he be able to conceal what it will do to him? He closes his eyes, takes a breath, then knocks over one more warrior, “Wait a beat on that swing -- too soon and I can knock you down,” then turns…

The second his eyes land on hers it’s like a tidal wave. The wind is knocked out of Yona and she straight up moves a hand to her heart.

A relief washes over Hak that he didn’t even know he was longing for that entire time. Wound so tightly in worry about her. Tae-Jun said she was fine, but he’s been lucky to have the object of his affection in his sight almost constantly for years… she’s become his oxygen. And when you breathe for the first time in 24 hours, you can’t help but…

Yona sees Hak smile, that serious guy, this -- just for her. Then surely catching himself, he turns around. But Yona is left dumbfounded. In love. Alive. She remembers… Every time you see me out there… I’m dreaming about being back here with you. She bites her lower lip as she watches him take out man after man, realizing that he most definitely, truly, really is dreaming about being back in that little room in Fuuga together right now. She is, too.

Those two are definitely at it… Lili watches the scene in amazement. No. Words. Necessary.

Jae-Ha watches Lili watch and realizes they’re gonna need to have a private conversation. Asap. They’re way too close to Soo-Won for Lili to have any casual thoughts on this topic and she gets rather hostile whenever he displays his affection for Yona to try to cause distraction.

Hak spins his glaive around his neck and moves gracefully across the grounds as he continues to prepare the warriors. Like the old days training at the palace. But he’s not thinking about that. He’s dreaming about that room in Fuuga. But, damnit, he knows he’s got to stop. Focus. It’s a distraction he wasn’t ever supposed to be allowed to have.

Everything in his life… his grandfather, his family -- the Wind Tribe, his time with her at the palace, the dragons and Yun, her touch, her vow, her hand, her body, her love… none of it was ever his to have, he can never let go of the fact that he’s just an orphan who was impossibly lucky, blessed beyond belief, and he made a promise to a man who lost his life because he wasn’t there to protect him, that he was going to protect his daughter… if he gives in and takes that which was never his to begin with, for any longer than he already has, he’s at risk of betraying that promise… because it only gets more dangerous from here… this brief joy, beyond what he understands or what his heart even knows how to handle, this all-consuming happiness that makes him smile even when he’s trying not to, is his weakness. He couldn’t turn it away. Couldn’t deny his feelings or say no or keep his hands off her. Because he became selfish. He couldn't control how badly he wanted her. An imperfect, mortal man who loves her too much. Beyond reason and strength.

But at the end of the day, some things can’t be denied… and that is that this is just a borrowed, no -- stolen life, that he got to live longer than he ever deserved, and that, by the will of the gods or cruelty of the world, he will one day need to return.

[recentanimenews]

Anime-Gataris Explains Anime Pilgrimages

Anime-Gataris so far has been a compassionate love letter to anime, its industry, the fandom surrounding it, and also to everything else the medium entails. The show has been brimming with meta references and touched upon many of anime’s peculiarities, such as the now-confirmed three-episode rule, or the unbeloved god rays. But Anime-Gataris, to my great joy, also introduced a topic that ‘anime about anime’ rarely discuss, which are anime pilgrimages. We’ll get to the usual comparison images in few seconds, but first, let’s break down everything that Anime-Gataris had to say about pilgrimages.

  I’m sure most of you are familiar with the term by now, at least I hope so after I’ve been constantly writing about the topic for more than one and a half years on Crunchyroll, but Anime-Gataris’ sixth episode marks the perfect opportunity for me to dive even deeper into the subject matter. Simply summarized for starters, an anime pilgrimage is the act of traveling to a real-world location featured in an anime. It’s really not much different from the standard pop-culture tourism, but instead of visiting the filming locations of The Lord of the Rings in New Zealand (not that impressive), or going to Austria because of The Sound of Music (I’m Austrian and still haven’t watched it), one would go to Oarai to see the setting of GIRLS und PANZER (now that’s where it’s at). 

    As for terminology, these trips are called seichijunrei (聖地巡礼) in Japanese. Seichi translates to sacred places, or even the Holy Land, and actually mean the anime locations in this case, hence why they’re often fittingly translated as anime meccas in English. Junrei simply means pilgrimage, and for it to qualify as an anime pilgrimage, a simple visit to one of the real-world location models used in a show would be enough. However, finding those places in the first place can often be tricky business. For that, there are the highly devoted group of butaitanbou (舞台探訪, literally scene hunting) enthusiasts, who not only seek out the locations, but also try to identify and pinpoint every single scene in an anime. That also includes photographing these locations in a way that they match the anime backgrounds as closely as possible, which is also what I do for all of my Anime vs. Real Life articles on Crunchyroll. On that note, I’d also like to highly recommend the blog likeafishinwater from my friend Michael Vito, who’s been meticulously following and compiling the efforts of the whole community. 

    On the other hand, it has actually been getting noticeably easier to identify an anime’s setting nowadays. Due to the strongly growing anime tourism trend, many local governments already start cooperating with the production committees early on, trying to promote their respective cities to anime fans, which naturally make some anime settings become blatantly obvious.

  There are still enough shows that aren’t as straightforward and still don’t use real town names, perhaps to avoid negative backlash from the local community (like Hanasaku Iroha’s Yunosagi, which is Yuwaku in reality), but even then, once the town has been identified, pilgrims would still flock to these meccas nonetheless.

So instead, communal authorities seem to more and more want to get their foot in the door early, as the geographical product placement in anime is sure to raise awareness and recognition among watchers, not only of the cities and tourist destinations themselves, but even the local products. I’m sure that everybody who’s been following Love Live! Sunshine!! has noticed that one specific brand of mandarin oranges that keeps popping up, which are unsurprisingly being produced where the show is set.

  The town featured here by Anime-Gataris is Oarai, one of anime tourism’s biggest success stories, which I’ll get to in more detail a little further down.

    Anime collaborations and tie-ins have also become more elaborate. These can range from simple local events with an anime’s cast, to stamp rallies, to fully decorated buses and trains, where all the stops get announced by the show’s voice actors. Just like the Tokai Bus Orange Shuttle that runs in Numazu, the setting of Love Live! Sunshine!!

Anime-Gataris chooses a shot of Kamakura here, which has been home to a plethora of anime that I don’t even want to try to count. A few examples would be Squid Girl, Tari Tari, Elfen Lied, Slam Dunk, and many, many more. Heck, even if the anime itself is not set in Kamakura, the inevitable beach episode will be (like in Fuuka or Oreshura).

  The odd thing about Anime-Gataris’s shot here is that it actually does not depict an actual location of Kamakura, but rather merges together a few spots that instantly evoke the image of the coastal town. One of them being the highly popular railway crossing near Kamakurakokomae Station (shown in anime like Three Leaves, Three Colors, Interviews With Monster Girls , etc.), and also the slope near Shichirigahama High School (HaNaYaMaTa, Minami Kamakura High School Girls Cycling Club, Fireworks, etc.).

    The reasons and motivations as to why anime watchers travel to these meccas vary from person to person. One of the pleasures is to further deepen the connection with an admired anime, to blur the line between reality and fiction, trying to experience the closest possible version of the fictional world of one’s favorite work. The anime location can be as mundane and ordinary as it gets, but e.g. the moment that Taki and Mitsuha meet on a random flight of stairs in Tokyo, instantly turns those into a special spot for fans. The value of an anime pilgrimage location is therefore not necessarily defined by the nature of the site itself, but rather the emotional investment and connection a fan has with it.

The image shown in Anime-Gataris here is a shot of Kyuchichibu Bridge, which in itself is not really all too special, except for fans of Anohana: The Flower We Saw That Day, who’ll surely recognize this key location from the anime (we even made a video about it). Anime adds a specific narrative quality to a location, a different dimension, and a certain atmosphere only watchers of the show will feel. It's remarkable that for some people the motivation to seek out anime locations isn’t necessarily the place itself, but more the love for an anime, its characters, and its story, as this even allows the dullest and untouristy places in the middle of nowhere to attract fans and tourists.

  For some, the draw is more to see anime places they already knew beforehand. These are often located in their own area, or one they’re highly familiar with, generating a sense of pride and attachment. This season’s A Sister’s All You Need even addressed this in of its end cards, jokingly stating that Gifu Prefecture has become (rightfully) cocky lately, due to the many big recent anime set there, namely Your Name. and A Silent Voice.

  As for myself, I simply like visiting places I wouldn’t visit otherwise and I actually enjoy searching for all of those locations I see in anime. It’s a fun pastime and even quite rewarding when you finally find that one spot you’ve been searching for. Or, you know, maybe it’s just cool to see a place you’ve seen in an anime.  

    The next popular location featured in Anime-Gataris are the Sayama Hills, which served as the setting for the Ghibli classic, My Neighbor Totoro. There actually is a quite chilling aspect to this, due to the murder case called the Sayama Incident, which took place there in 1963, and has served as the basis for the infamous conspiracy theory that Totoro is actually a god of death (which has already been more or less denied by Studio Ghibli). 

    To my surprise, Anime-Gataris also briefly mentioned the surge of augmented reality smartphone apps, that let you add the anime characters to photos of the real-world locations. The biggest one being Butaimeguri, which also has a partnership with the anime that’s being featured in the Anime-Gataris screenshot here, which is Hyouka (set in Takayama). Another one would be P.A. Works’ app for the anime Koitabi: True Tours Nanto, which will only unlock an episode once you are at the respective location in Nanto.

  There are many more facets’ to anime pilgrimages. The show didn’t really go into the practices’ history, or the reason why anime studios have been putting out more and more intricately detailed and realistic backgrounds, but Anime-Gataris has done a very good job of giving a profound and thorough overview of anime tourism and pilgrimages. 

    Finally, let’s get to the comparison shots! In the sixth episode of Anime-Gataris, the anime club heads to Oarai, in the Ibaraki Prefecture, for their very own GIRLS und PANZER pilgrimage (or Girls & Tank in Anime-Gataris). As already mentioned, Oarai has become one of the biggest success stories in anime tourism as it was one of the few places that actually managed to keep a long-lasting stream of visitors since its initial run in 2012. Its success can be attributed to various different factors, like the high popularity of the show itself, the easy to reach location, but also the proactive local community, who welcomed all the anime visitors with open arms. The image above shows Oarai Station. I’m lucky that I get to reuse the photos of my own GIRLS und Panzer this way. 

    The stairs leading up to Oarai’s historic Isosaki Shrine. In GIRLS und PANZER der FILM, the anglerfish team’s Panzer IV and Pravda’s T-34-85 both rattled down these stairs during their intense fight, so it’s only natural that Minoa would get excited about finally seeing the spot in real life (I was as well).

    As Minoa correctly states, it's just cool to see the same scenery that Miho Rinpomi gets to see in the anime. One of the many joys of an anime pilgrimage. 

    I mentioned earlier that anime pilgrimages don’t really differ from the common pop-culture tourism in general, but this certain aspect here is actually culture specific. Whenever a shrine appears in an anime, it usually doesn’t take fans all too long to leave custom-made anime wishing plaques (ema) at that shrine. The shrines themselves also try to benefit from this behavior, as you’ll often find already premade anime plaques for sale there.  

    Another regular site in anime is the Tokyo Big Sight. The convention and exhibition center in Tokyo is the venue for the biannual Comiket, the world’s largest doujinshi fair, which gets featured in anime at least once every season (twice this season already). 

    If you’re planning on getting pictures of the place itself, I’d recommend not doing so during Comiket. 

    It might just be pure coincidence, but the almost exact same shot was also in this season’s BLEND-S.

    And, of course, an anime about anime wouldn’t be complete without a visit to the center of otaku culture itself, Akihabara. 

    There are many reasons to love Anime-Gataris, as it's not only surprisingly educational, but also one of those shows that seem to truly understand anime and everything around it.

  In case you ever want to make an anime pilgrimage to the locations of Anime-Gataris, I also put together a locations map for the show (and it’s not only a rehash of my GIRLS und PANZER map). There are actually quite a few spots in here that I didn’t mention in my lengthy article, like Anime-Gataris’ school and the nearby station, which both often get used in anime. But also one of anime’s most animated theme park gates is in the small extra Imgur folder that I compiled.

    Make sure not to miss Anime-Gataris’ grand finale this weekend! Have you ever done an anime pilgrimage, or do you want to visit a specific anime location? Sound off in the comments below! Merry Christmas!

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Wilhelm is an anime tourist, who loves to search for and uncover the real-world spots he sees in anime. You can talk with him on Twitter @Surwill.

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com