#literally jumping into the line of fire to defend the other?

[xzaddyzanakinx]

Not That Kind of Guy

Part Five: Stalker!Anakin Skywalker × femme reader series

Warnings: stalking, weirdo behavior, psychotic/delusional behavior, possessive/protective, sexism/misogyny, one-sided relationship, arm/hand kink, sexual content/fantasizing, pervy behavior, suicide/death metaphor[Be sure to pay attention to future warnings in the series]

Info: Anakin is and always will be the most romantic man to exist, that is all. Psycho!Stalker!Ani loves counting idk he just does & I know it.[diary entries from Ani] [texts from Luke] extremely not proofread. MDNI 18+

Diary Entry: July 8th

You’d better be glad I’m patient, or else you’d have another dead neighbor.

When I heard the *wwoop* of your phone sending out a text on my computer I didn’t check it immediately. Until I heard four *pings* in quick succession.

‘Lukey, call me.’

‘Why?’

‘I’m in class.’

‘10 mins’

‘Or emergency?’

Remember how I said I like Luke? I like him a little bit less. Who texts like that… just write a sentence like a normal person. One sentence.

‘emergency!!’

Emergency? The panic that flooded my veins was icy-hot as I frantically pulled up a the live feed of your home and blasted the volume.

Nothing.

You were just sitting on the couch snacking on those Extra Toasty Cheezits that you love so much. (Cheezits was a marketing genius for that though, profiting off burnt ones because little weirdos like you lived for that one random burnt piece at the bottom of the bag. Goofy girl.)

That doesn’t seem very ‘emergency!!’ to me. Unless you’ve run out of Cheezits, but you haven’t. I would know.

I chewed my nails, paced the floor, and wrung out my hands. I couldn’t just walk over there and say ‘Hey! Just wanted to make sure you’re okay cause I cloned your phone and saw a concerning text! How can I help?’.

You seemed fine, you weren’t crying, you didn’t look upset. You just started scrolling through Instagram reels and rapid-fire sending them to your sister as if she’d actually watch them all. We all know she won’t, but if you ask she’ll say she did.

‘step out. emergency!!’

‘no, give me 4. it can wait.’

Jesus Luke, are you trying to make me dislike you? I can’t believe you’d make her wait like that. The girl said it’s an emergency. That means pick up the fucking phone, dial her fucking number and say ‘I’m on my way, what’s going on?’

Drop everything and fucking run. I’d jump from a moving train if I got that text from you. Train station who? I have two legs and I can run pretty fast as long as I have the right motivation.

Pass a kid on a bike? ‘Scuse me I’m commandeering this vehicle.’ I’d be the fucking flash with pink tassels and purple glow wheels.

‘Now!!’

The suspense was literally killing me. I was withering away with worry.

‘if it’s the guy again I swear to god.’

Guy? What guy? What had I missed? There was a guy in your life that wasn’t me?

‘just fucking call me.’

Yeah, you heard the girl. Fucking call her already.

“No he did not.” Luke scoffed, as if what you’d told him was the most ridiculous thing he’d heard in ages.

“I swear. I swear he did!” You giggled folding over on the couch.

“There’s no way a straight man did that for you and didn’t try to fuck.” Luke laughed. “I don’t believe you. You’re delusional.”

“I am not!” You defended, not actually hurt by his comment but wanting to prove him wrong anyway.

“I literally don’t believe you.” He let out a snort and whispered something to Han on the other end of the line. “Han said he’s still set on Ben for you.”

“I told you I am not interested. There’s a reason I never texted him!” You retorted.

“Yeah because you lost his number you pea-brain.” He teased.

“No.” You said with a slightly haughty tone. “I happen to believe it was just the universe telling me it wasn’t meant to be.”

“That’s a really good justification for loosing his number.” Han’s voice came through the speaker slightly muffled from his distance.

“Shut up both of you. You’re horrible.” You laughed. “I’m sticking to it. The universe said no and I’m no match for the powers that be, m’kay?”

“Sure babes.” Luke said, you could almost hear his stupid little smirk.

“Anyway. Yes, look I’ll send you a picture of the book okay?” You hopped up quickly and snapped a picture to send to Luke’s phone. “Cause I can’t exactly send you a picture of him helping me with my groceries.”

“Mmhmm I know because it didn’t happen.” Luke said flatly. “Hard to get a picture of a hallucination.”

You rolled your eyes and huffed, Luke was just being protective. It’s not like he was wrong, most men wouldn’t do something like that out of the kindness of their heart.

“This would be so much easier if you had an iPhone. You might be hideous but I still miss your face.” You teased, hearing Han’s booming laugh in the background.

“Whatever.” Luke grumbled, “okay, so what am I looking at here?”

“See it’s this collection of paper that has typed out wo-“

“Smartass. I mean: what’s so… cool? about it?” He interrupted.

“It’s a special edition. $50. He just gave me a special edition book without a second thought.” You said excitedly. “Remember I lost my copy not too long ago?”

“Mmm yeah I think I remember.” He said noncommittally. “You should really keep up with your shit.”

“Hey I’m doing better!” You retorted. “My life is so put together right now. You’d be amazed.”

“Delusional Han I’m telling you.” He snickered quietly.

“Oh my god! Have you no faith in me at all?” You scoffed. “I haven’t forgotten to charge my phone or take my medicine. I’ve kept everything tidy. All my important stuff stays in my bag.”

“You’ve been possessed.” Luke gasped.

“Fuck. If I have then I’ve got the sweetest demon the 7th circle could provide.” You joked. “I’ve even been sleeping better, I think maybe even boogie is happier too. She’s started sitting at the living room window to watch the pigeons again.”

“Aw, my niece.” He crooned. “My *favorite* niece.”

“What about leia’s new-“

“I said what I said.” Luke interrupted.

Diary Entry: July 8th

The way you gushed about me on the phone was everything I could’ve asked for and more. I’ve never been so fucking proud of myself. I feel like I could… I don’t know lift a fucking car or something. I feel good. This is a good feeling, to be appreciated like this.

I want you to know how happy you’ve made me today.

To hear your voice, see your face, watch your body language as you spoke about how we met and our little chat today. I could live off purely that for days. Your giggle is nourishment for my soul, your voice is honey to drink with my tea, your beauty is the sugar in the much-to-big spoon I’d use to stir it with.

That’s what life with you would be like. Tea time. It’s soft, I always think of tea time as being soft; a big blanket of comfort and security. I just feel like it’s the perfect metaphor.

You are the ingredients. The tea leaves, honey, sugar, and water.

I am the the cup and life, fate, whatever it may be, is the spoon.

Can you use all of those things separately? Sure. But would it make much sense to pour hot water on a pile of dry leaves, drizzle some honey and sprinkle sugar into a goopy puddle right on the kitchen counter?

Would it be enjoyable to drink air from a small cup and leave the spoon lonely and unused?

No.

You need me to hold you; you are so many things. All of them are perfect and all of them are uniquely you. But when joined together in a secure little cup you’ll have the opportunity to mesh those things into something new.

A cup is just a cup if there’s nothing in it. Cold and empty ceramic. Sturdy and reliable although delicate when handled irresponsibly.

Fill me with you. All of you.

You’ve already started that you know? Each tea leaf is a tidbit of you.

Your likes and dislikes. Your happiest memories and even your sad ones, your angry moments, your bad days. I love and cherish even the deepest caverns and widest chasms in your beautiful mind. Without them, you wouldn’t be you.

Please believe me when I say that even if the leaves are crumpled or incomplete… it doesn’t mean that they won’t make tea.

Honey, my favorite. Your personality. God you’re so fucking sweet it hurts. Your voice, those lovely lips that speak such well written poetry.

My love, everything you say is a hymn.

I wasn’t a religious man before you. My Goddess, I fall to my knees at the altar for you. Speak to me and you’ll sing to my very soul. Tell me truth, tell me lies, tell me those things that float through the nether. I’ll take it all as gospel.

Ask of me anything and I will spill blood, even if it is my own, to provide you with whatever you wish.

I never understood why honey was akin to the nectar of the gods until I met you.

Now I understand. To taste you is to taste life. To smell you is to breathe freely. To feel you is to be soothed.

Sugar. Do you know how many grains of sugar are in the average tablespoon? Around 60,000. The human eye processes visuals at the average rate of 13 milliseconds per image. Even faster if presented with an image that invokes emotion. Though for the purposes of math, we will go with 13 milliseconds.

13 milliseconds is about 75 frames per second. 60 seconds in one minute. 4,500 frames.

If the average tablespoon holds 60,000 grains of sugar that’s 270,000,000 frames per second.

4,500,000 minutes. 75,000 hours. 3,125 days. About 102 months. Alittle over 8 years.

I use 3 tablespoons of sugar per cup of tea.

That means by our 25 anniversary I will have been graced with every grain of your beauty.

By then I’ll probably need a few more spoonfuls if I plan to survive raising children with you. If they’re as hyperactive as you get sometimes I’ll fucking need it.

Oh well. Just more time for me to bask in your beauty.

All these things have filled me, your cup. All that I need now is water. Your love.

The kind of love that burns so hot that it bubbles up beneath your skin and makes you itch if you’re apart for too long.

That’s what happens when water boils, the atoms separate and bounce around until they come back together as the water cools.

Just like us.

I’m the flame that’s heating your water, the closer I get the hotter it’ll grow until it’s rattling the kettle, screaming to be let out and bring all the pieces together.

Adding that boiling water, your love. It will bring life to me. You’ll warm the cold ceramic shell that I’ve been for so long. Fragile and lonely and horribly handled. I might have a few chips but the foundation is strong and worthy.

A cup is just a cup if there’s nothing in it.

You give me purpose. You make me useful.

I will let our love steep. Let it steep, because you can’t make tea without all the ingredients and a water-worthy cup.

We will stir it and stir it and stir it until the the hand of fate declares us ready, I will be there for you at the *clink* of the spoon against my rim.

I will be there after to hold you until the very last sip.

I will be there until I am broken beyond repair.

If the last sip happens before my ceramic cracks… I will be quick to join you after slipping through the hands of fate.

It’s a long winded way to say that I love you, but if you wanted, I would memorize it and recite it for you every night before drift to sleep.

Diary Entry: July 12th

You’re so cute.

I don’t know how you haven’t noticed that your laundry detergent should’ve run out ages ago. I giggle like a school girl everytime I see you at the laundromat holding it up to measure it out.

I’ve started washing my stuff in the same as you, I love the way your laundry smells.

But I love the way you smell even more.

You just bought some new sheets recently and I took the liberty of ordering the same ones. What luck that we both use a queen size bed huh? The cutesy little strawberry print isn’t exactly my style but I don’t give a shit. The giddy way you opened up your package was nothing short of adorable.

You know what else is super handy about using the same detergent?

You won’t notice when I switch them out.

You’re washing them for the first time today since you just received them in the mail yesterday. I know you’re so excited to put them on and make your pretty pink bed up, I’m amazed you had the patience to wait until today to go to the laundromat. It’s open 24/7, proud of you baby. Prioritizing that good deep sleep you’ve been getting.

You’re welcome, and thank you.

Watching you sleep from the end of the bed is one of my favorite things. It just… I don’t know it makes me feel comforted to be there. It’s the closest thing to sleeping next to you that I can get right now. Then I’ll be getting some good deep sleep.

It’s hard for me to rest if I can’t reach out and make sure you’re safe.

The audio from your room is wonderful ASMR though. Your snores and snuffles and the rustling of blankets while you sprawl out and occupy as much space as your body can manage; it’s soothing to me.

Partially because I know you’re okay, partially because I was able to give you that deep rest.

You wash your sheets once a week because you love the feeling of fresh warm linens. It’s the simple pleasures of life that bring you the most joy. That’s something I adore about you.

So here’s the plan. I’m a man of my word and I promised you a reward for all your hard work didn’t I? I’m also a man who enjoys the killing of two birds with one stone.

Life goes so much more smoothly if you take the time to line up the shot.

That’s why I immediately ordered my own set as soon as I checked your Amazon account. Mine arrived today too and I’ll be stopping by the laundromat just as you’re leaving. I’ve left them in the box and put it at the bottom of my basket though, I don’t want to ruin the surprise you know?

I’m so glad I was able to hear your little chat with your friends. Not only was it a wonderful reassurance, it also allowed me to plan our encounters more closely together. I’ve made myself known to you, I’ve spaced out our previous meetings well enough to leave you wishing you’d catch me out in the hallway even for a quick hello.

Trust me I have been dying to indulge you. But if this whole relationship has taught me anything it’s: trust the process.

See you soon princess, my timer just went off. I’ll be there just in time to watch you nuzzle your face into the last warm item of clothing from the dryer before tossing it in the basket.

Date:

July 12th

You were tossing the last of your clean laundry into the basket when the bell above the door jingled. Purely out of habit you glanced over, instead of the usual stranger or semi-familiar face, it was Anakin.

He seemed not to notice you straight away, keeping his head down and walking to the washer/dryer set closest to the front window.

It was shameful the way you took this opportunity to stare and soak him up. His whole physique just screamed at the primal parts of your brain. The parts that want you to sprint across the laundromat and l seduce him into ravaging you right up against the glass he stood near. Who cares who sees? You’d be beyond proud to be spotted in the throes of passion as long as it was him who was behind you.

The way his arms moved should be illegal. How is it possible for someone to be so… lean? The veins that and corded tendons that roll beneath his skin become even more visible as his wrist gives way to his hands.

Wide palms that would be perfect for grabbing a handful of your ass. Gripping your hips to guide you down onto what you can only assume is an equally impressive cock.

Long fingers as the most elegantly carved necklace. Fingertips that could trace swirling patterns across the vast expanse of your skin. Those same fingertips caressing the slick and swollen folds that just so happened to be in desperate need of his attention.

How could you not be a puddle of a person when he locks eyes with you like that? Like he’s reading the transcript of your soul, his eyes never stayed in one place too long. He needed to take in as much of you as possible each and everytime he was in your company.

How could you not forget how to speak when he walks over to you with such confidence? His towering frame would be intimidating if he didn’t radiate comfort. He seemed like he knew he had that affect on you, or maybe he was just one of those clueless types. That special kind of man who doesn’t realize what a catch they are.

“What’s up sweet girl?” He asked with that same gritty tone that had you feigning for him in ways he’d find unholy.

“Hey Anakin.” You managed to tone down the smile that instantly spread across your face. “I was just about to leave…”

“Well isn’t that a shame.” He chuckled, his eyes darting from your lips to your eyes and back again before he looked up and away. Stretching his arm up behind his head to rub his neck.

“Hmm yeah it is.” You murmured, too distracted by the tiny sliver of skin and dark hair the peaked out from beneath the hem of his shirt.

“Eyes up baby.” He teased, his finger tapping the underside of your chin before you could even register his hand was coming toward you.

‘Jesus Christ.’

If he can make your knees this weak from a few words… it’s almost concerning to think of the state you’d be in after he rearranges your guts.

The blush on your cheeks could’ve been mistaken for a sunburn, never had you felt so fucking embarrassed and flustered at the same time. You couldn’t even be mad.

“Let me help, yeah?” He said, choosing to glaze over your blatant staring and not push it farther with the teasing comments.

Truly a gentleman.

“Oh! Yeah, yeah.” You nodded. “Thanks.”

You managed a soft smile as your brain attempted to rewire itself into working condition again. He closed the dryer and placed your detergent and fabric softener beads into your basket and carried them over to his washer/dryer combo, expecting you to follow.

He sat it down near one of the many metal folding chairs lining the wall and turned to you again, his expression one of concern? Worry? Apprehension?

“You okay sweetheart?” He asked gently. “Did I make you uncomfortable?”

“What?” You asked, eyebrows furrowing. “Uncomfortable? No, no.” You shook your head in realization that he must’ve assumed he’d struck a nerve with his flirtatious comment.

“You sure?” He asked.

Somehow his hands, those strong hands that you just knew would feel like heaven on your skin, had made their way to your biceps. Slowly traveling the length of your forearm to hold both of your hands in his, your fingers curved over his while his thumb rubbed your knuckles.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” You nodded, shooting him a bashful smile.

His eyes searched your face like he was scanning for even the most minuscule change in expression, any twitch of your lip or shift in your line of sight that might say otherwise. When he was sure you were being truthful he spoke again.

“Alright princess,” he conceded with a warm tone. “you sticking around or headed out?”

“I’d stay to chat for a bit if I could, but I’ve gotta clock-in, in about… 45mins.” You said, thankful for the change in subject.

Anakin never failed to both confuse and amaze you. Every fucking time you spoke to him. You were tired of telling yourself he was just too damn good to be true, fuck it, he is that good.

In all your years, you’d never had a man check-in with you like that and in such a caring and considerate way… you couldn’t have dreamed up a man like this. It was a small detail of his character, but it made a world of a difference.

If you would’ve said ‘yes, that made me uncomfortable.’ you had no doubt in your mind that he would apologize and mean it. He’d mean it, apologize with his whole chest and make sure that it never ever happened again.

That was the kind of comfort and security that only a fictional love could provide.

But here he is.

In the flesh.

Maybe hearing about this, Luke might change his mind. Luke was only doing his job as your best friend and protector, shielding you from the dangers of the average Brad that you’d dated in the past. But…

Anakin’s not that kinda guy.

“You know, I don’t think you’ve ever told me where you work.” Anakin pointed out.

“Huh, I guess I haven’t.” You realized. “Bluebird Diner. It’s a good place to eat, yummy pie.”

“Oh yeah I’ve been there before!” Anakin said happily, “that butterscotch pie is so good, oh my god.”

“Right?” You agreed excitedly. “That’s my favorite. I’ll have to tell Rosa that she’s getting compliments on it. She’ll be thrilled.”

“Maybe I’ll grab a slice later.” Anakin suggested. “Before I have to go clock-in.”

“Where do you work?” You asked, finding it a bit comical that you were drooling over him but didn’t even know this basic detail of his life.

“The Cerulean.” Anakin nodded toward the window. “Just a couple blocks from here.”

“The Cerulean? What do you do, bartend?” You asked, curious as alittle itch in the back of your mind needed to be scratched.

“Mhm, I do.” He smiled.

“I think… oh my god. I think I’ve seen you there before!” You laughed. “It was a while back but I was there with some friends… you made my drink!”

“Really?” Anakin laughed. “Shit don’t make me feel bad baby, I don’t remember that.”

“I didn’t expect you too.” You giggled. “The place was packed. I can’t imagine how many people you serve a night.”

“You’ve got no idea.” He blew out a puff of air, with a chuckle.

“Well I’m due for a night out soon,” you said with a grin. “You come grab some pie later and I’ll come get a drink from you tomorrow night.”

“Sounds like a deal princess.” He beamed.

Part Six

Tag-List:

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THE TAGS LIST IS FULL! But if you want to be tagged I will comment ur username for you. Love you all so many.

[shiongenkai]

Ghouls as Retail Workers Headcanon

If I have to work retail hell, so do they!!!! I kinda imagined they'd work at like. a retail chain. I dont know. Imagine a Walmart. If you don't have a Walmart where you live. Imagine what you would describe as Retail Hell.

This is an incredibly stupid post on how I think they'd survive working a retail job off campus. This certainly applies to on campus jobs too though. Please don't take any of this seriously.

Frostheim

If you ignore the fact that none of them (with the exception of like, Kaito? Maybe?) would ever need to work retail to begin with, you will discover that most of them do not have the constitution and social moxxy to survive in retail anyway.

Jin

I think we all need to be honest here. He'd be dogshit at it. He's the coworker who acts like the manager even if he's not, and he's terrible with customers and other employees. You could not rely on him to cover your shift, but you can always rely on him calling out and requiring you to come in on your day off. Absolute retail bastard. 1/10 but only because if a customer gives you shit, he'll defend you and take the heat for it. You win one, lose every other one.

Tohma

Out of everyone in Frostheim I think Tohma is the only one who could possibly win at retail. He's got it all. Perfect model employee. Literally the Company's Dream which means he's every employee's nightmare. But it's fine. He's dependable and never calls out, and he's good with the customers, even if his stocking is lacking. Born to cashier. Forced to be rich. Would be perfect but customers find him minorly off-putting. 9/10

Kaito

He would be good at it but you get the constant impression he's one bad customer away from a mental break. And it's sad. watching a shaking chihuahua tell someone you're out of stock of something and there's none in the back. And he'd probably hate it all too, and try to flirt with the women, and it'd just be best for everyone if he seeks other employment opportunities. Let it be known to everyone though that he was the best informed on trends and was best at figuring out what people wanted though. Solid 8/10

Luca

You want to root for him so bad, which is why it's so sad when he's fired. He's not bad at his job! He's diligent and does tasks perfectly. But he's terrible on the customer side, because he jumps to too many conclusions and gets into too many tiffs with shoplifters. He's also constantly asking for the manager and holding up lines and interfering with others. Nightmare. But he's so likeable.... but also he catches you taking 20 minutes instead of 15 for your break and he tells your manager on you so you do kinda resent him for that. 6/10

Vagastrom

Born to be freight forced to be freight. Leo is the exception. He's Vagastrom's pretty little princess who could do it if he wanted to but he doesn't want to. SOMEONE has to be the floor man in this house...

Alan

He would be banger at unloading freight and stocking shelves but the moment you ask him to talk to a customer or do register it's all over. He's basically that one coworker you Heard works there but you never see because he's always on truck and awake at like. 4 am. and not ever on the floor. And it's for the best really, because he'd be too awkward and silent and the energy of the store would become strange real quickly. One time he goes in on his day off to shop and a customer reports him to management for being a 'suspicious person' and he thinks about that every time he clocks in from then on. 6/10.

Leo

Hot Take but I think he'd be fine. Like I think he'd be good at it even. He would definitely one hundred percent quit, but while he's there he becomes the store favorite. Workers love him. Customers love him. Management loves him. The only people who don't love him are customers that annoyed him and the one bitch coworker everyone hates and that's because he's a demon to them in private and nobody believes them. He's so good at being dead inside levels of cheerful. 7/10 because after he quits you'll realize he's made you do like all of his work the entire time and that'd piss you off.

Sho

Okay. Okay. He'd be fine. But his constitution is that of a food service worker. And though food service workers are our brothers in arms our battles are different beasts and he would not understand the retail one. I still think he'd be solid, genuinely an average worker, but I don't think he'd last long at all. It's just Different. He can handle people being bitches but Stupid Bitches make his head hurt too much. Not worth it. He'll never go back again, and you will miss him despite his average-ness. The freight team mourns him every day. 5/10

Jabberwock

Despite statistics saying Jabberwock has an incredible retail worker value it should be known that Haru 'Freak of Nature' Sagara is an exception and should not be counted. It should also be noted that I would pay to put Ren and Towa in a Walmart and watch them do their jobs.

Haru

Haru Sagara was born in a shitty retail store and he will die in a shitty retail store and the store will die with him. And from his ashes another store will rise again. I cannot express enough how much this man exudes 'Made in the retail store clone lab' vibes. You would see him in the store and you would squint and think of a time where he didn't work and find none. He picks up all the extra shifts. He never calls out. He knows where everything is all the time. He's great with customers and great at upselling. He is perfect except for the fact that making everyone else look really bad in comparison. Because he's a freak of nature. Everyone would resent him a little (including managers and other employees) but he's too valuable to get rid of. There's a rumor he sleeps in the store. It may very well be true. 11/10 please get help.

Towa

Good news. He's a body that can be put on the schedule. Bad news. That's probably about all you can count on. I cannot express how bad he would be as a coworker. I do not envy the man who has to get him to do work he doesn't want to do at times he doesn't want to work. You could not count on him to do shit unless he likes you, and even then he is still prone to his own whims. Terrible with customers for the most part. By and large he's loved to bits but he's also.... Towa. Could you imagine encountering Towa at a store? Genuinely and truly? What would you do. What could you do? 2/10 because evening shifts are marginally better but not by much

Ren

Great news is that he's better than Towa. Terrible news is that he definitely wants to die the entire time and he makes sure everyone knows it. He would be okay on stocking and okay on register but he would never last long. He will miss the diner every day of his life and he'll quit suddenly and without notice. At the very least, he'd probably never call out. He may even pick up a shift or two, but it'll be unpleasant for most everyone involved. He'd probably find stocking fun but the moment someone comes to talk to him it's ruined. They'd ask him to do freight and he'd claim it's harassment. 4/10

Sinostra

A casino is not retail and these men will never in a million years survive the winter. I want to put them all on shift on Black Friday and watch as everything burns to the ground forever.

Taiga

I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me that he would not be fired literally immediately for no call no showing every single shift for like. a week and a half. You cannot get a hold of him. He shows up one time for a shift, does the shittiest job imaginable, and then is never seen again. He definitely shoplifted something but you don't know what. He ate someone's lunch in the break room. He is banned for life and nobody is sure how he got in in the first place. Absolutely the worst possible employee imaginable. It is a wonder he ever got hired in the first place. 0/10

Romeo

He does not pass the background check but if he did I think he'd be a great worker. I think he'd be really good at it even if he hated it. I think he'd be so scarily good at it he would become manager and everyone would quit because they hate him. Unfortunately I feel like he'd never stay long enough for that to happen, because he'd get so mad on his first day at all the customers and coworkers that he'd throw something at someone and be fired on the spot. And honestly it would probably have been deserved. But retail hell is unforgiving and Fico is not fit to survive. 8/10 I'd throw something too. I forgive him.

Ritsu

He's the worlds most average retail worker alive. Because on one hand he is worker's rights advocate king. But on the other hand he is so By The Letter Rules that if you take too long on your break or do something incorrectly as per the manual (but easier and better as per experience) he'll flip his shit on you. So everyone really wants to hate him but he calls the boss out the same way he calls everyone else out. So they can't hate him. But they can. So bad. He'd also never pick up your shifts unless you did something for him in return and it's annoying as all hell. He could never be fired bc he'd definitely sue the shit out of the company. But I can't imagine he'd ever quit either. He is retail hell and retail heaven. And for that. 5/10

Hotarubi

These poor, poor souls, who are not built for retail but are built like people who are forced to do it anyway. They could all survive. They could. But at what cost.

Subaru

Okay, he's fine. He's fine but he's so nervous all the time, and he's constantly asking for manager approval, and if he ever gets a promotion he'll be like let me ask the boss for approval (nervous smile) and everyone will be like YOU ARE THE BOSS... but it's okay. He's a good floor man and customers adore him. He cannot do register but they forgive him for that. Shifts exhaust him so bad he can't do anything else that day. But he'd probably come in if you need him. 9/10 please quit.

Haku

Haku is fascinating because he would both be The Best Ever and The Worst Ever. Unlike Ritsu who is a black hole of retail wherein nobody ever escapes, Haku is like a merciful assistant of divinity who does his job properly and quickly and without much outward complaint, but on breaks he's always insistent he can't do anything, and even though he'd help if you asked, he exudes an aura telling you not to ask. He's good. He'd want to quit pretty quickly though. He probably would quit pretty quickly! And it would be a tragic parting, but one you have all made peace with. 9/10 take subaru with you

Zenji

Ghosts are bad at retail. Hope this helps. ... Kidding. Mostly. Zenji would be a demon. He would be really good at the people portion of it, I guess, like chatting with customers and helping them find what they need. But he's loud, for one, and nosy, for two, and if you put him on register he'll get through 1 customer every 10 minutes because he needs to make everyone a song based on their products they're buying. So he's terrible. He's really so bad. But he's the moodmaker of the store and everyone is afraid that if you fire him every employee will drop dead from despair Immediately. So he lives on. Forever. 6/10

Obscuary

Obscuary is perhaps the funniest one to imagine in a retail store. I need you to sit and imagine what it would be like if you walked into Walmart or something and the workers you see are Ed, Rui, and Lyca. Think not as a fan of those characters. Think solely as a customer in this random retail store. Think about it for a long time.

Edward

I think he would last less time than Taiga, which is an achievement we should all celebrate. I don't know how he'd ever get hired, ever. At all. Even once. His background check would never pass. He would never get to the interview. He would never go to the store in general. All around a terrible idea, but if by some miracle he is hired, I cannot fathom what he would do. He was born to sit in the breakroom and eat everyone's snacks. He would not stock shelves well. He would not clean up the store. He would be the Worst cashier. If you put him on freight his old man bones would break and turn into dust and you would discover a brand new way to kill vampires that gothic romance novels will write about for centuries to come. Sorry old man. Your time has come. 0/10

Rui

He would be good at it but he personally would hate it so much you'd wonder if it was even worth it. Great with customers, great at checking things out quickly on register. He could probably do freight if you asked but he wouldn't prefer it. Only problem is that there's so many people and so many times where people will bump into him that he'll need like, a hazmat suit. And that's not part of the uniform. So he'd probably quit, or never get in the door to begin with, because it's so not worth it. Mass murder should be kept as inside thoughts as an employee, and he does not, in fact, want to live the dream. 8/10 in heart, 0/10 in reality

Lyca

Store pet....... Lyca would be fine. He's basically like, your youngest coworker who is really, really trying, and they're not good at their job, and they're super combative with customers, but they're so cute! So cute!! And most customers agree with that, even if they still leave complaints. He'd try his best with shelves and be bad. He'd try his best at register and be bad. He'd be good at freight for sure but he'd always insist on shifts during the day so he could get more human skills. And you can't fault him for trying. But you can fault him for being bad at the job and causing more problems than what it's worth. 4/10 if you put him on shift with Subaru

Mortkranken

We've done it. We've found the worst dorm to put in a retail environment imaginable. It is a good thing that they have a niche, because if their funding goes down, it will be a terrible, terrible day for Mortkranken. May your money never run out and may you always have advil on hand if it doesn't.

Yuri

This poor, poor man. He just can't do it. He just couldn't. More specifically, he wouldn't. It'd be a nightmare for him, constantly, forever. Sho could deal with stupid people to a certain degree, but the first time someone comes up to Yuri with a candle marked $4.99 and asks how much this candle is, Yuri will instantly pass away. He can't do it. He won't do it!! And that's fair, honestly. He'd be good at putting things where they belong. He'd be okay at cleaning up. He'd be bad on register and even worse on freight. Retail has introduced him into the field of lobotomies. 3/10

Jiro

Marginally better than Yuri because he would be good with helping with freight, but retail is unkind to people with chronic illness and he would not make it through his shifts most of the time. He is off-putting to customers and would not be allowed on the floor or register, and though the freight team would adore him, the bosses would like his output to be better. If Yuri can figure out a way to get him through his full shifts, they're golden. Until then, they are unemployed. 5/10 to retail, 10/10 to the truck team.

[swampstew-stories]

The Ninja Way

Summary: 200 follower milestone on main ~ Thank you so much for the follows, it means so much to me that y'all like my silly stories. Victory for the Ninja-Pirate-Mink-Samurai Alliance! Now to celebrate, everyone is having a good time, well mostly everyone. What will it take to get Captain Kid to enjoy this major win?

Warnings: contains Wano Arc spoilers! CW: 18+ only, Spicy, Eustass Kid X AFAB Reader, consent very much implied, vaginal penetration, voyeurism, sexy games, some BDSM, chasing games, masturbation. m!n0rs DNI you will be blocked

Word Count: 1.9K

Captain Kid was sulking in a bar in the capital city of Wano. The festival going on should have improved his mood but he was mad as hell. He took down an emperor and a literal clown took his rightful place as a new emperor. And the World Government named a literal child as a new emperor too. Why the fuck was the universe so against him???

He knocked back the sake, he wanted to get raging drunk and then slink home to the ship. He was so bummed he made Killer leave, not wanting to be a damper on his friend’s night for his role in the battle. Kid also regretted the decision. He was wallowing in self pity and leaning gravely into despair, Killer would be easing his frayed nerves and hyping him up. He held up his empty glass to the bartender, he needed to get much drunker.

A group of patrons at a nearby table erupted in cheers, toasting their glasses together before knocking them back. Kid squinted in their direction, trying to focus through the buzz. He recognized those people, from where…oh yeah. They were ninja and they had been in the fight on Onigashima along the samurai, minks and pirates. Hmm, he wondered if that one kunoichi was among the group.

The one ninja sitting with their back to him got up and made their way to the bathroom – it was the kunoichi! She had caught Kid’s eye when he had put the final blow into Big Mom. As he was laying down on the floor battered to shit with Law, samurai and ninjas had stepped up and defended them and their crews.

She had been the first one to jump in the line of fire for them. Or rather, she and her clones. Scared the shit out of him at first when they popped up out of nowhere; he thought he was dead for sure when they reached him to check on him. Seeing that he was just out of breath and needed a moment to recuperate, she gave him a knowing nod before doing a cool backflip and jumping into battle, clones in tow.

Kid drank his sake as he commiserated in the memories; shaken out of his thoughts when he saw her come back to her table. She was pretty hot, in battle and out. She had long Y/H/C that she tied back into a sleek ponytail. Not a bad body either, eying her from head to toe. He wasn’t sure he had it in him to even bother pursuing, he was in that bad of a rut. Her table was getting progressively louder the more they drank, and it made him feel worse.

“I heard that the pirate who took out Kaido started the festival by shooting fireworks from his shoulders! What a wild guy!”

Kid snorted, the only thing Luffy threw was his damn beer, spilling it on Kid who got literally wrapped up in the rubber bastard’s limbs as he tried to cut him down. Stupid fool thought they were buddies? Fuck that noise! Kid noped the fuck outta there.

“Let’s head over there and buy them drinks to say our thanks!” another ninja cried, the others agreeing quickly as they threw money down on the table, rising to leave. All but her.

She had a buttery voice that made Kid’s ears perk. “You’re not going to start with the Pirate Captain who is already here?”

“YOU MEAN LUFFY-SAN?”

“LAW-SAN?!!”

“Kid-san over at the bar.”

Kid nearly choked on his drink, he thought he had been unobserved the whole time.

“Uhhh dunno Y/N, he doesn’t look too approachable.”

“Tsk too scared? And you call yourselves ninja.”

“Why don’t you thank him?”

“I already did.”

Confused, Kid stops his eavesdropping as the bartender placed an unopened bottle of liquor and folded note next to his glass. “From the woman at the other end,” she pointed.

Looking across the bar, Kid saw the same kunoichi leaning against the bar table, smiling at him and then with a cross of her hands in front of her – she was gone in a poof. Now VERY confused, Kid swiveled his head back at the group and saw that they were already leaving the bar. The Y/N was the last out the door and she turned back, meeting his eyes. She gave him a nod and walked out, hands tugging the pockets of her leather jacket down.

Kid looked at the bottle, it was an expensive brand and that made him crack a smirk. Opening the note, he read her curved handwriting: thank you for your help liberating my country. On the back there was a sketch of the festival route with little arrow markers. With a shrug, Kid chugged the sake in his glass and left the bar with his gifted bottle, intent on finding the ninjas.

He was quick to catch up to them, easy to spot the taller ninja of the group against the crowd, Kid followed a few meters behind them. Y/N suddenly broke off from the group without a word to her squadron, making a sharp left turn down a less crowded street. Looking back at the note, Kid quickly realized she was going down the route she had drawn.

Smirking, he dashed down the same corridor, doing his utmost best to keep quiet as he followed the sole ninja. She was fast, he lost sight of her almost immediately but he had the map so he made do. After he made the last turn, he realized that there were a few small houses down the street from the port. Looking left to right, he tried to deduce where the kunoichi could have gone.

It took Kid several houses before he finally peered into a window and found her. She was laying in bed with her pants down and her top pushed up, exposed, and playing with herself. Well now, he could do with a free show, might even cure him of all his woes.

He glanced around the street; he was mostly hidden from view and that was good enough for him. He unzipped his pants and whipped his cock out, slowly jerking himself to the sexy kunoichi.

“Finally found me huh?” she panted out loud.

Kid froze, shit he hadn’t meant to get caught so quickly.

“It’s ok, I don’t mind,” she husked, sitting up to discard of her pants entirely. She looked to him through the partially open window. “Bra on or off?”

“Off,” he coughed into his elbow. “Erm…thanks for the booze.”

“Heh least I could do,” she dropped the last of her clothes and laid back in the bed. “You gonna watch from outside or do you want to sit inside?”

Kid sat in the fabric armchair, drinking his bottle and stroking his cock, watching the kunoichi – Y/N now that they were on a first name basis – rub fast circles on her clit. She moaned and rolled her hips as she changed her pace.

“Play with yer tits more,” he crowed.

Y/N cupped her breast, squeezing her flesh and pulling her nipple. Tweaking it while she tweaked her nub, making sharp inhalations.

“Verrry nice,” he purred, increasing his pace and grip on his throbbing cock. “Y’know, this is hot ‘n all but I prefer being deep inside.”

“Oh you want penetration?” she giggled, plunging a finger deep in her core. “Sure if you can find the real me.”

Kid’s shaved eyebrows rose into his goggles. “The real you?”

Y/N pulled her fingers out of her pussy and sucked them clean. With a cross of her hands, she once again disappeared. Kid shot up from his seat, was he being pranked??? The sound of more poofing echoed in the room and suddenly there were five more clones of Y/N in a skimpy dress, beckoning him.

“If you can find me, you can stick it in me.”

Kid cocked a leer, sure he liked games, especially when he gets to be the hunter.

“When I find you, I’m gonna pin you down and take you the way I want.”

The clones pranced around the room, calling out at him to distract him, luring him to false promises. Kid pounced on the first one, throwing her to the bed and pinning her. Pressing his cock against her warm stomach, he husked into her ear.

“Gotcha.”

He spread her legs and positioned himself over her, pushing her dress up and brushing against her naked center. She was wet, Kid began to push in, feeling her heat pulse around the edge of his tip. She crossed her hands and she was gone – Kid dipped into the bed, shocked, and now annoyed. Ok, time to dial it up a notch.

Kid hoisted another clone over his hips and slammed her into the wall, kissing her harshly and rushing his hand to her pussy. He got the first digit of his middle finger inside her before she also disappeared. He threw the third clone face down on the carpet and ripped her dress off, spanking her ass and watching her cheeks jiggle. He spread her thighs and watched her silk spill from her core in a thick line – he caught it in his hand and lubed his cock, aching to bury himself in her. Before he could get an inch and a half of his cock in her, she disappeared.

Now his cock was hurting. The fourth one tripped and fell on her back, and when he landed on top of her, hands kneading her tits and cock rubbing between her folds, he managed to get three inches deep in her before she also disappeared. There was only one left – Kid was fucking determined and ready to ruin her. She leapt on furniture and dashed around him, running through the house to evade him, teasing him with flashes of her body or blowing kisses every time he just missed her. Watching her lithe body twist and turn, he quickly learned how to predict her next move and as she leapt into the air, Kid dove to her intended spot and caught her.

He dropped her on the bed and held her by her hair, positioning her in front of his cock.

“I hope you’re fucking ready for me,” he growled, pinching her chin to open her mouth and stuffing his cock in her face. Her wet muscle squirmed over his heavy cock as he thrusted himself up to the hilt. He grunted out, “fuck this sure feels real,” sighing. “Too bad it’s not, you tease.”

The clone disappeared and he hung his head. Pacing around the room, “y’know I was totally willing to be a generous lover tonight but after this stunt, the first four orgasms are going to be my own.”

His ears picked up something in the corner behind a paper divider he had overlooked. He reached with his haki, so she was there the whole time but she managed to disperse her energy signature amongst each clone to fool him into thinking she was out there.

Using his dagger, he ripped the divider to ribbons and pushed through. Y/N was laid up on a purple chaise lounge, lace bra and panties shoved aside as she pleasured herself.

“Took you long enough,” she gasped.

Kid towered over her, cock bobbing angrily while he pinned her down by the shoulders. “That was pretty cute. I hope it was worth it because I am going to leave here having filled every one of your holes, twice,” he growled.

“I’m ok with being a sacrifice after what you did,” she squeaked.

“Don’t break on me,” he husked, angling his hips and burying his bursting cock deep into her warm and wet pussy, Y/N crying out from the way it split her open.

“Ah shit, you’re nice and tight. This is gonna be a good night after all.”

Originally posted - soon to be archived from main :)

[imonlyhereforsamuel]

I HAVE SOME THOUGHTS.

Long story ahead!

So disclaimer, I absolutely LOVE this game (and the first one) and I’m not trying to shit on the devs or story writers in any way. I think they did a wonderful job with both games.

HOWEVER, I do have some thoughts on the way Samuel’s story plays out.

So SPOILERS ahead in case you haven’t finished the game.

Let’s begin.

I really really hate that they even made it an option whether to save or leave Sam during Reckoning. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, in no worlds would Henry ever ever ever just choose to leave Sam behind like that, especially if he wasn’t even mortally wounded or literally a second from death. There’s just no way. Time and again Henry’s defended and spoke up for Sam with just the simple explanation of “he’s my brother”. Blood or not, it doesn’t matter. I think the second Sam told Henry that Martin was his father, Henry immediately felt that connection to him. For both of them, they are each other’s last and only connection to Martin. They are brothers. They’ve both lost so much, and so I think they’re both have that subconscious search for that familial connections. So I just refuse to believe that Henry would ever just leave him.

So here’s how I propose the last mission SHOULD have gone.

(These are just rough ideas and I’m just thinking out loud, just some scenarios I think could be plausible and could’ve been worked into the game.)

The cutscene at the beginning of Reckoning where they scale down the wall would’ve been extended, and it would show Sam and Henry sneaking towards the camp together. As they move around the buildings a bit, they stop and listen in on some Praguers patrolling. Here, I think the soldiers could’ve said something that would give Sam the idea that Von Bergow was in the camp. After all, at this point, neither he nor Henry know that Von Bergow is gone. And Sam’s goal this whole time has been to enact revenge on him, similarly to how Henry’s driving motivation in KCD1 and most of 2 was to get to Markvart. So as far as Sam knows, Von Bergow is here, and the way the soldiers are talking they must know where. So the Praguers could continue walking and talking, and this would cause Sam to make kind of split decision to go after them. He continues after them, ignoring Henry’s pleas to stop. Sam goes faster and faster, getting farther away from Henry, until somehow the Pragues just catch him. However they catch Sam, Henry was trailing behind and when he catches up, he watches it unfold, feeling powerless and helpless. Here is where he’s torn and you can see he has to make a decision. Should he jump in now and risk both him and Sam getting captured, or hang back and hope he can rescue Sam. There’s more soldiers coming their way so he has to choose fast. Still in the cutscene, Henry hides and watches as the Praguers take Sam away. Then it jumps to gameplay with the objective “Rescue Sam”. And it’s NOT optional god damn it.

Now it continues like normal, Henry sneaking around trying to find Sam, Henry can kill a soldier and take his coat to blend in, he can ask the soldiers questions, skill checks, he can find Markvart first, etc.

So eventually when you find Sam, I would’ve liked to see another cutscene, this time showing Sam tied up, showing some of the torture that Brabant is doing, hitting him and asking questions. Sam would be his sarcastic angry self, telling Brabant to go fuck himself, spitting at his feet, stuff like that. Brabant would ask Sam who is he doing this for? Zizka? Capon? That bastard Henry? They’re not even blood related, it’s pathetic, etc(These were actually lines Brabant was asking Sam when you find him). Sam could either say something or just stay silent, whichever. Brabant would just laugh or shake his head and sigh and tsk at him. He’d reach for the hot irons from a fire, and just as he’s about to hurt Sam, Henry would come into frame and be like “get the fuck away from my brother”

(Cheesy I know but idgaf I eat that shit up)

Then it would be the fight with Brabant and when you beat him he begs for his life and tries to make a deal. Then you can decide whether to kill or spare him. Once that’s done, you go untie Sam and talk to him. He tries to convince you to leave him. When he says the line about convincing the Praguers that Zizka will pay a ransom, Henry could have a skill check and say something like “you and I both know that won’t work”. Because they’re both smart enough to know that wouldn’t work. And if you pass Sam will agree but he’ll still be hopeless and say like “there’s no way, it’s impossible, leave me” but Henry won’t listen. And so now the “rescue Sam” objective is checked off and now it’s “Find the horses”.

So you load up Sam and get on a horse and leave.

And then the rest of the story plays out like normal. Y’all come back with Jobst’s army and the fighting and gameplay continues as normal.

Because in my opinion, if you do choose to leave Sam and he dies, there really was no advantage or anything gained other than the characters in the end saying “we got the silver, cool, what’s next”. You don’t see any benefit from it, nothing you gain or groschen or item you get. It just feels stupid to me. A pointless and worthless decision that cost you your brother’s life, and for nothing at all except empty praise. I think it would’ve haunted Henry for life that he chose to leave Sam. When his parents visit him, and it’s Henry’s subconscious really that’s speaking, his father would’ve been devastated and I don’t think Henry would’ve ever forgiven himself. So it just makes more sense that he’d save Sam and his father would be proud of him for that.

Honestly I think that it should’ve been destined that they’d never keep the silver in the first place. Like that should’ve been the lesson. That sometimes you just lose. But even if they lose the silver, did they really lose the battle? They were able to take the silver in the first place which is crazy, but that’s caused Sigismund to leave which was there goal the whole time. They were never gonna be able to just keep that silver for themselves. But then they managed to kill a shit ton of Praguers, they held out for a whole ass month siege, fended off starvation, carried out the burning off the Prague camp, and in the end, ended up sneaking into their camp and getting a message out. Plus, (most of the main characters at least), they lived!

And even when you lose the silver, no one seems that upset about it. They’re just like “that’s a shame. Ah well, life goes on”. Like they don’t berate Henry or they’re not even like insanely upset. It seems like just mild inconvenience.

And it’s the same if they keep it. It’s just like “oh well”

SOOOO, anyway in conclusion,TLDR;

It should’ve never been an option whether to save Sam or not. The theme throughout the whole game was the emphasis of Henry choosing whether or not to enact his revenge on his enemies. It should’ve been written as an absolute that Sam lives. Just my opinion and thoughts.

Let me know if y’all have any thoughts, agree, disagree, whatever you’re thinking!

So ANYWAYS that my two cents, well more than two cents. But I just love Sam so much and I’m just so mad that’s it’s even an option and story line to let him die. It’s so so dumb.

Okay RANT OVER

[lulublack90]

Prompt 29 - Sunshine

Wolfstar, January 29, word count 701

Previous part First part

CW- Suicide - not mentioned by implied.

Remus had been hiding for a week now. One very long, boring week. He needed to go home. Lyall was doing his nut in and he wanted his stuff. 

He’d looked through the boxes that Lyall had stored in his room and found all his mum's old things. He plucked up the courage on the third day to ask Lyall why he’d boxed them up. He’d grunted at him something about not wanting to look at them any more. So, like the good son he was, Remus opened up the attic and put them up there out of the way. But not before taking her favourite necklace and her engagement ring. He had no idea why he’d taken them, but he now wore the delicate gold chain with a tiny little gold star and a crescent moon dangling off it. He made sure it was tucked in, so Lyall didn’t see it, but other than that there hadn’t been much going on. 

Remus spent most of his time in bed, venturing downstairs for food when he was hungry. He’d given Lyall the cash he’d had on him to put towards his board. Lyall would be furious if Remus thought he could eat his food for free, prick. 

Sirius had messaged him every hour, on the hour, for the entire week, begging Remus to please answer him. Remus hadn’t. He hadn’t answered for Lily or James either, traitors. 

Remus was just mulling on this when there was a knock at the door. He rolled his eyes when he heard Lyall finally start to move towards the door after at least a minute. He heard his father’s rumbling voice and another lighter one, then the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs. He sat up in his bed. The footfalls were far too quiet to be Lyall’s. His door burst open and Lily strode in, jumped into his bed and punched him in the arm. 

“Dick!” She huffed. “We were so worried about you!” She punched him again. 

“Better?” He asked, trying not to laugh. Her fists were tiny and barely hurt. 

“No!” She stropped and punched him again. “Now I feel better.” She moved onto his lap and wrapped her arms around him, leaning her head against his chest. “I was so scared something had happened, Remus. Sirius said you’d called in sick at work, and you weren’t in your flat. This is literally the only place we didn’t look. Sirius was frantic,” Guilt washed over him. Lily was good at that. But he should have at least sent them a text saying he was alive. He cringed as he thought about how his complete disappearance would have affected Sirius, especially after what happened to his brother.  

“Remus, how long is the flower girl staying?” Lyall shouted up the stairs, pulling Remus from his thoughts. 

“Still a ray of sunshine, I see,” Lily quipped. She puffed up her chest and Remus only just had time to cover his ears as she bellowed back at his father. “As long as I bloody want!” He could hear Lyall muttering to himself downstairs and banging cupboards and doors. They ignored him. 

“I’m sorry Lils,” He said quietly. 

“Good, because I’ve never been so scared in my life,” She shuffled in his lap and looked up at him, her forehead lined with worry. “Remus, Sirius told us what happened,” Remus’s jaw tensed. “And he also told us why he didn’t defend you when his mother got you fired. Remus, I know it doesn’t feel like it, but he had a very good reason why he didn’t. Please, please, please will you talk to him?” Lily begged. Remus had never heard her beg before. He slumped against his pillow and screwed his eyes shut as he debated internally. 

On one hand, Sirius had made him feel like shit, and he’d sworn to never let anyone treat him like that again. But on the other hand, he couldn’t deny that he’d missed him. He’d missed that raven-haired weirdo every second since he’d last seen him. The image of Sirius’s stricken face was imprinted in his mind. He let out a huge, defeated sigh. 

“Fine, Lils, let’s go home.”

Next part

[stolitzsings]

I still feel really bad for Stolas at Ozzie's. I feel like he was sort of facing an impossible choice there? I think he absolutely could and should have stood up for Blitz more; even if he couldn’t shield him from Ozzie, the knowledge that Blitz was under some sort of protection or banner of courtesy from a demon prince might have made at least Verosika back down. He could at least have defended him.

At the same time, Stolas’s whole strategy for surviving life seems to have been deferring to the status quo or "what should be." His father told him to marry Stella, so he did. As a demon prince he was supposed to stay in his marriage, so he quietly accepted Stella's mistreatment of him to maintain that status quo. And when a Sin himself called out Blitz, well, Stolas went back to his strategy of keeping his head down.

We know that Blitz’s first instinct is to protect his friends, even if it puts him in the line of fire. But well, Stolas doesn't really seem to HAVE friends. He didn't have to put himself in the line of fire because he was always there to begin with. He was always the target. The one person in his life he might have had to protect was Via, who seems to have at least an OK relationship with her mother judging by her reaction to Stolas yelling at her. So either Via was never a target of her mother's vitriol, or Stolas was able to insulate her from it by absorbing it himself. Maybe a bit of both. Either way, he was her primary victim from the start. So his instinct at Ozzie's was to quietly accept his jokes, except that now someone else was also a target.

I've seen the scene at Ozzie's compared to the way Ozzie stood up for Fizz at the end of s2e7, and I think they are definitely important parallels. However, there's one pretty glaring difference: Fizz and Ozzie are already in a loving, committed relationship. When Ozzie yells that he loves Fizz, it may be news (to some degree) to the rest of Hell, but it certainly isn't news to Fizz. The same can't be said of Stolas and Blitz. When Ozzie asks if he gave up his perfect family just to fuck Blitz, Stolas COULDN'T deny it, because that would mean telling all of Hell- INCLUDING BLITZ- that he was in love with him. And at that point in the evening, after he'd been anxiously trying to get Blitz to engage with him at all throughout their supposed date, he had every reason to believe those feelings weren't returned. And what other reason could he give?

He missed his opportunity to stand up for Blitz, but when Ozzie turned his sights on him, Stolas had no choice but to tacitly confirm Ozzie's assumptions. And honestly, I don't even think Ozzie was trying to be cruel, at least not to Stolas. Blitz was a target because of his past with Fizz, but Ozzie could have just as easily been sort of impressed with Stolas, especially given his apparent reputation as a stuck-up bore. I mean, Ozzie literally holds Stolas up as embodying the meaning of lust, right after tearing down Moxxie for not being lustful enough. Ozzie had no way of knowing about the fragile, tender thing that Stolas and Blitz were just beginning to create.

Unlike Blitz, Stolas isn't someone who usually jumps into action. He wasn't prepared to leap to Blitz’s defense because he wasn't used to having anyone to defend. And by the time he was in familiar territory- becoming a victim himself- he had no way to defend him without offering up his heart on a platter for Blitz to reject and the rest of Hell to ridicule. So he stayed quiet, and it all came crashing down anyway.

[dvdkisser]

Small trephacard headcanons (BASED ON THE SERIES, I MAY DO THE GAMES SEPARATELY)

Yap under cut

Trephacard headcanons

sypha pulls her hair into two tight braids because A, she pretends to be a man, B, it’s very frizzy and unruly, which makes her fire magic dangerous to use when it’s down. Additionally, I wanted to make her more tan, but as a ginger, I know she would just get more freckles despite being in the sun.

Trevor’s facial scarring is larger and more serious, being that he got mauled by a monster and it didn’t really make sense that he just had one little line down his eye that barely affected him + made him scruffier in general since I didn't really like the way that it the show he has minimal facial hair Also also I would have him genuinely ironically suffer the consequences of alcoholism lol.

alucard lost an eye while fighting his dad in the episode "Witchbottle", as I personally dislike how quickly dracula got the jump on him and imagine he'd put up more of a fight + the fight in "For Love" left him with other more permanent issues and disablements because I refuse to believe that for how violent he was he left unscathed , kinda blended his two looks together in a way because I enjoy some things from his og show look and some from nocturne

Small gripes and rewrite esque stuff 👇

Alucard having an eyepatch and Trevor not, in my imaginary world, also shows their class difference and highlights reasons for why they clash, and here’s why.

if I re-wrote the show I would focus more on them slowly bonding and make them both struggle to get over their conflicting lineages more, Since the Belmonts and Tepes have been locked in a deadly feud for literally a thousand years by now AND they immediately fought.

Alucard is still half human, but he was raised in such a vampire setting that their like. Species racism rubbed off on him to a degree, so he sees Belmont and sypha as more inferior even if he can’t explain why, and while he isn’t exactly rude he’s a bit prudish.. like you can tell he’s rich.

He Is influenced by the people and behavior around him which while not making him totally evil or cruel he is slightly more twisted in his ways due to how he was raised, Lisa was a kinda woman and good mother but one good adult does not outweigh EVERYONE ELSE around you so while in his heart of hearts he is a kind, noble soul he needs time and development to become that - kinda with the idea that Adrian, prince of vampires and Alucard, defender of humanity are separate people in a way.

Additionally, I lobe a alyudmil, so alucard would be having his own smaller "there are no innocents" moment type best in the background, and they would kill the evil twink (magnus)

Same with Belmont, just in general more opposed to be associating with alucard and definitely not the one who came up with the idea of giving him the Belmont hold, probably more prone to barbarian rages or sorts. He is probably also seeing alucard as something like an animal that’s slowly going rabid if that makes sense. Like “it’s talking normally now, but in a few weeks it will be an unstoppable killing machine”. His ancestors watched their closest friends slowly become vampires and begin killing, he believes alucard is already at that point being the direct descendant of what he sees as the bane of his very existence and the reason for more than half of his people being killed brutally.

I would make him more of just a racoon in the garage in general, very socially inept and unable to understand social norms thanks to his upbringing and its circumstances, which is why I enjoy that sypha and him end up so close since I feel like being around her and seeing her passion for speech and knowledge would rub off on him.

They would genuinely be close by the end of the series’ events, but it would take longer and be more subtle. They would have to have time to interact and warm up to each other and see moments of each others genuine selves which they both conceal to start to understand where they have both mis read each other before they can be such good allies. In the beginning, they wouldn’t be killing each other, and in combat, they wouldn’t let each other die, but it wouldn’t be with much enthusiasm.

In Belmonts mind alucard is a spoiled pompous brat which will kill him as he sleeps and in Alucards mind Belmont is a disgusting pig that simply can’t understand his species enough to know why Draculas death will be significant. I think that for me, I would give them a point of significant bonding or turning, maybe even the "For love" fight, since that holds promise for being a place where they all bond for the first time and work genuinely well together with a common unbiased enemy.

Pkay bye

[barrenclan]

Everyone is jumping on the theory wagon so here are my personal predictions:

-You made a few posts about how one of the themes of PATFW is finding hope in hopeless situations which makes me think the ending of it won't be completly bleak. I think it'll be bittersweet, although leaning more on the bitter side. Maybe something along the lines of TMA's ending but a bit more melancholic

-Rainhaze is gonna die. There's no hope for him by now. Although, I think it would've been real fucked up if everybody except for him died and he was forced to go on without a purpouse. Fascinating but not that likely to happend imo

-I think both Blacknose and her kits will live, not only that I think at least one other character will survive so they can help her with the children. My bets on it are either Egrettail, Slugpelt or Daffofilpaw

-Barrenclan is DEFINATLY not getting reformed after the defience attack. I mean the previous chapter is literally called the death of Barrenclan

-I think Pinepaw will die at the end of the story, possibly in a murder/suicide in order to defeat Deepdark. It's sad, but I think it's a very likely possibility. Cormorantpaw will survive though and will have to live with only his memory :( Perhaps he'll get to reunite with his siblings though?

-I feel like to parallel the fire that burned down the forest that Roseclan resided in there's gonna be a fire near the end of the story. Not sure yet what it'll do yet tho. Perhaps it'll snuff out the defience?

-I'm not sure how likely it'll be but I think it'd be really nice if Pinepaw got to talk to or interact with some of the more unwilling members of the defience. Perhaps have a bit of a heart-to-heart with them as they're all stuck in the same horrible situation.

-To wrap this up, here are some other characters that I think will die: Redpelt, Beeface and/or Plumstripe (Either they both die defending the clan side by side and make peace with eachother, or only one of them dies and the other grieve the fact that she wasn't a better sister to her in life. Either way at least one of them is dying) and Prowl

YAAAAY I love these long endgame theory predictions so much. :D So much I can't say but I can read everything and nod my head sagely. ALSO I adore the bingos, they're so funny.

[uncannytimecandy]

why is The Social Network (2010) the most sexually charged movie I've ever seen.

It's literally affecting my ability to focus on class and in conversations. (i have to dissect this film for class and all I'm finding is homoeroticism. Im literally 10 years late but whatever.)

Okay first off, opening like 15 minutes. Cuts between girls at parties, doing drugs taking their tops off, he's in his dorm getting drunk, hating on his ex girlfriend on line, and comparing women to farm animals (like the piece of shit he is). It's supposed to be kinda... oh... look at him he's a loser he isnt out at parties like everyone else... but also this IS his party. This is pleasure. He might as well be taking ecstasy rn. Being a condescending asshole and showing everyone how smart he is, devoting his life to being behind a computer to prove it. (also the entire soundtrack is DOWN and DIRTY) Mark's motivations (besides being a smartass) seem to be girls and parties. I dont know just.... sex is like BAKED into the tone of the movie. I squirmed in my seat the whole time like an unwilling voyeur. (except the girls snorting coke off of each other that was awesome)

Okay that said. WHY IS THE MARK ZUCKERBURG MOVIE GAY. The share settlements could have been replaced with a divorce lawyer and I would not have noticed.

Edwardo's introduction as a character coming to comfort Mark about his breakup?

"Are you alright?"

"I need you."

"I'm here for you."

"No I need the algorithm you use to rank chess players."

They make me sick. I can't even structure my thoughts properly because it's the... IT'S THE EVERYTHING!!!

Mark is an asshole. This is the topic of the opening scene and the ending. The whole point is that He Is An Asshole. (I know the lawyer was like, 'You're not an asshole, you're just trying to be.' but like.... when he checked the math of the lawyer for no other reason to be condescending and petty? yea.... okay. DIVA-ING OUT!)

He's an asshole and Edwardo is his only friend. Edwardo keeps being his friend even though Mark is an asshole.

Edwardo showing up in the rain? Like a scorned lover? Just to get upset at Mark's new sidepiece? (i feel like the Elon Musk concubine tweet) Mark saying he needs him AGAIN????? The way Edwardo (assumedly) storms off and comes back as soon as Mark calls?

In the same scene Edwardo says he's scared of Christy, says she's psychotic and unpredictable. Later when she sets the scarf on fire, after getting jealous and treating Mark like one of Edwardo's side hoes, Edwardo tries to put out the fire of a relationship with both Christy and Mark (nahhhh bro ur gf and best bro are being parelleled... its sooooo over...)

On that note... when he first gets together with Christy? They make out and Christy goes to suck him off? At the same time the film points out that EDWARDO IS LISTENING TO MARK IN THE BATHROOM STALL NEXT TO HIM ALSO PROBABLY GETTING SUCKED OFF???? that is a WHOLE allegation

Okay post-fuck-you-flip-flops. All the legal stuff. OOPS??? FYM OOPS!!!

Something about the way these two points COULD have been used to help build their case but they don't, and they aren't exactly 'Harvard Gentlemen'.

Something about how on Edwardo says oops because he was just telling a story, not trying to open a new can of worms. He doesn't bring it up or use it for defamation because he was never angry about Mark's moral failings, he clearly doesn't mind those, he was angry over Mark not needing him. Or maybe ever lying about needing him in the first place.

And what does Mark say oops for? Sorry for bringing the chicken up? Sorry for not? Sorry for the possibility he started the rumor in the first place? Is he saying oops FOR Edwardo, for jumping to conclusions? Is he sorry for defending him?

Physically ill.

So anyways what scene do I use for my quiz because it was due three days ago and I am NOTTTTTT writing about mutually assured destructive yearning

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Morgan Stephens at Daily Kos:

As the election season reaches its fever pitch, labor unions are rallying behind their chosen candidates. The Teamsters, a national union representing 1.3 million workers in the transportation industry and many other sectors, announced on Wednesday that they have opted not to endorse any presidential candidate this year.  Teamsters president Sean O’Brien reacted to criticism by defending the decision not to endorse a Republican or Democratic candidate on CNN Thursday, citing the Donald Trump campaign’s refusal to support the PRO Act, which gives unions more power to organize. Democratic nominee Kamala Harris has already agreed to sign that bill into law. 

“This was not an endorsement for the Republican Party,” O’Brien told CNN. “This is a wake-up call that the system is broken.” But regional Teamsters have opted to go rogue. The 300,000-member West Coast Teamsters faction has thrown its support behind the vice president, signaling a strategic alignment with the Harris campaign. Ten other regional Teamsters councils have issued statements of support for Harris, including in the battleground states of Michigan, Wisconsin, and Nevada. "Trump wishes your bosses could just fire you for challenging their authority with a strike. Never forget that. Trump wants to eliminate your legally protected right to challenge your employer and demand the dignity and respect all hardworking Teamsters deserve," said Rick Hicks, president of Teamsters Joint Council 28, in the division’s official endorsement of Harris. Prominent labor unions American Federation of Labor and Congress of Industrial Organizations, known collectively as the AFL-CIO, threw their support behind the Harris-Walz ticket with an endorsement earlier this month.

[...] One thing is clear: It’s the Democratic Party that stands with labor rights activists—figuratively and literally. President Joe Biden was the first sitting president to walk a picket line in a show of solidarity with striking United Auto Workers, and has acquired the nickname "Union Joe." The Biden-Harris administration has been deemed a historically pro-labor administration, according to University of Rhode Island history professor Erik Loomis, who has authored three books on labor in America. 

Local and regional Teamsters unions have basically told Sean O'Brien to "go jump in a lake" with their backing of Kamala Harris.

[oscconfessions]

I’m not sure what these anons are on about, I literally cherish tacomic with my entire heart and soul. Their relationship is genuinely so interesting, and I’m honestly not sure if I’ve been watching the same show as the people saying how “Oh Taco manipulated her! They never really had any real relationship it was all just Taco trying to get something for her own gain!” GUYS?? I’m honestly starting to think it’s just because you guys hate women. Taco and Mic fit together so perfectly in so many different aspects, they complete each other in a way, but they have some defining morals that break up that connection. Taco isn’t manipulating Mic, it’s a partnership. Mic agreed to manipulate other contestants to get further in the game, Taco literally admits how she’s impressed on how well Mic used manipulation with Balloon. (Though it was in place of physical violence, which is one of the morals they aren’t exactly eye to eye with, which is one of the main reasons they fail in the end) My point is Mic did those things willingly, and in the end when Mic decided to leave, Taco didn’t try to stop her. That’s not what manipulation looks like. Victims of manipulation are on the most part fearful of their manipulators, in ii s2 e14, Mic jumps in front of Taco’s gun, knowing that she wouldn’t harm her. That’s how you can tell they really did form a bond, Mic had enough trust in Taco to literally GO IN FRONT OF HER LINE OF FIRE, how do you guys still think Taco didn’t care for her at all?? Yes the relationship had its ups and downs, relationships aren’t perfect. A lot of you guys just call ships toxic just because they aren’t happy literally all the time. In ii 14 Taco was devastated that her and Mic’s relationship fell apart, with pickle she just upright told him she didn’t care. It’s not one sided on Taco’s side either like I’ve seen many people say, in ii 13 Mic defends Taco immediately. She cares when Taco tries to apologize. Mic literally spends a lot of the time in that cave trying to get Taco to open up about the portal incident because she Cares. She was worried over her. Just because they’re doomed in the end doesn’t mean they didn’t have a meaningful relationship beforehand, if you were actually watching the show you could see they had an actual dynamic, they had fun talking to each other. I’m not saying you have to ship tacomic, I’m just saying it’s not as bad as you guys build it up to be. Anyways, hope you guys get better soon ❤️

.

[floorgazing]

hc. benji liebermann & his relationship to violence / rage.

don't get me wrong — in most ways, benji is a very fun-loving, sincerely sweet individual. he's easily one of the most empathetic characters i've ever written with a huge heart, but he also has a penchant for violence that i think is really interesting, because it isn't just that he likes to get drunk and fist fight with people — which, he does, because it's fun, he likes the pain, he likes the chaos, and he's very sensitive / easy to provoke — but it does go a lot deeper than that, too. sometimes he sees someone in trouble, maybe being abused or preyed on, and this switch just flips in his brain that takes him from a sloppy bar drunk to... i don't know, turns him into this machine of rage? turns him into something almost lethal. he has this vigilante-intense sense of justice that really toes the line of morally grey, and it comes from a place of desperately wanting to protect others in the way he feels that he, himself, should have been protected.

favorite weapon? baseball bat. benji, i wish you could play fortnite. you'd love the kneecapper. more in-depth look under the cut, some triggers present.

tws for discussion of homophobia, grooming, violence... arson...

despite being afforded a very affectionate and loving household ( jonas, my adam brody muse being his father ), benji has faced some serious hardship outside of the home — particularly in his teenage years. when the family first moved to america, he struggled for a lot of reasons; primarily, being mostly deaf and english being his second language, but also his sexuality. he was never openly gay, but i think it was something he didn't necessarily try to hide either, and sometimes kids just smell this on you, speaking from experience as a queer person. months into being in high school in the u.s, he gets harassed ( called the f slur, jumped a few times ) and has a somewhat extreme reaction to said harassment...? he sets the guy's car on fire. in his mind, this was a warning, a means of scaring him off so that he wouldn't mess with him anymore; that's all. to him, the school, and the courts, it was more like thousands of dollars worth of property damage... so.

it landed him in a very punitive military school, where his life got exponentially worse. i won't detail the extent of the abuse he faced in that school from his peers but know that it was massive, physical, and verbal. he was there for six months and despite having a difficult stint with drugs and other shit into his twenties, he still regards his time at eastview military school as the worst of his life. at this school, he was also preyed on by an adult teacher and was victimized in that way too. he felt in danger around peers and took comfort in someone who was fully taking advantage of his vulnerability, and it definitely messed him up for life.

he comes back from that, and i think everything's different for him forever. he's got a hair trigger for feeling threatened, and he fights like a beast — he's not even that tall, mind you, 5'7, but his pain tolerance, speed, and also experience in fighting and defending himself really help him out here. he'll bite, he'll scratch, he'll twist, he'll break, he'll use baseball bats. it really depends on the level of threat, and... if it's in defense of someone else, if the offending party did something really heinous, he quite literally is willing to off someone if it means eliminating the threat completely.

[elliepassmore]

So Let Them Burn review

5/5 stars Recommended if you like: fantasy, dragons, post-revolution stories, sisterly love

I was a little wary coming into this book because the last hyped dragon book I read was...okay but worse the more you thought about it. But my worries were unfounded because this book was amazing! It deserves all the love and is such a good read if you're looking for a new dragon story.

This book is set 5 years after the revolution that liberated San Irie from the colonial-imperialist clutches of Langley and turned one of the main characters, Faron, into a saint. I really like getting stories like this, where the revolution itself is over but new, related problems still arise and the revolutionaries are still haunted by their past. It's such a good setup too because the revolution already happened and so the looming threat and climax of the book isn't going to be a revolution, it's going to be something else.

San Irie is an island nation still recovering from its past trauma. The town Faron and her sister, Elara, grew up in is called Deadegg and for the most part seems to have rebuilt well. The people still have memories of the occupation and war, but by and large things are healing. The capital, Port Sol, has also come a long way toward healing but suffered more during the war due to being the capital and thus there's still further to go. I really liked the descriptions of the island and I definitely felt the tropical lushness and the saw the beautiful beaches Faron and Elara described.

San Iryans have ancestral magic, wherein they can call upon their ancestors for help and power. In some cases the 'astral' is used for long-distance calls but it can also be used to infuse the person with things like medical knowledge (medical summoner), combat prowess, etc. All San Iryans can do this kind of magic, but most can only call on one ancestor at a time and get weakened if they jump between ancestors too quickly/in too short a period. The stronger their powers are, the further back in the ancestral line San Iryans can reach. It was interesting to read about Faron's connection to the gods, because it kind of works like the ancestral connection that all Iryans have, but to a significantly greater degree and the gods can communicate things outside the purview of what the ancestors can.

The Langlish have different magic that seems to be centered on their dragons, though some of it seems internal as well. Riders have a bond with their dragons that lets them communicate with the dragon, their fellow rider, and any other dragons/riders in the same 'den' (i.e., dragon sibling unit). On top of that, relics from dead dragons can be used for gloves, boots, jewelry, etc. and allow the user to have certain powers such as fire summoning. The magic wasn't delved into too much here, but I'm interested to see how that develops in book 2. The main focus on Langlish magic in this book was on the Fury, a kind of mindless rage that slowly takes over a dragon and its riders, and that is posing a newfound threat to both Langley and San Irie.

I found it interesting how San Iryans merged technology with magic to combat the Langlish dragons. The dragons are real flesh-and-blood creatures who bond with two riders to ride into battle (or whatever else they might do). In response to the need to defend against literal fire-breathing dragons, the Iryans used magic and magical metal to create drakes, essentially mechanical dragons that function like warplanes and transports. Due to the magic infused in them, the drakes bond with four people, though they can be functional with fewer. I liked this interplay between magic and technology and found it super interesting.

The character setup is interesting as well, we have the grown child saint who went to war with the power of the gods at her fingertips, the older sister who went to war with her to protect her, the grown child queen who led the revolution, and the boy who betrayed his country to help San Irie to victory. Each of them have a complicated relationship with the past, with each other, and with San Irie, and I enjoyed seeing how these things played out.

Faron is, obviously, the child saint now grown. She's still haunted by the things that happened during the war, and mostly just wants to be left alone to live quietly. She's called a saint by her people, but resents the attention and expectation that puts on her and struggles under the weight of what that means. That being said, Faron is definitely a mischievous one and enjoys sneaking out and using her god-given powers to win petty foot races. She's less serious than her sister and wants to enjoy her life as much as possible. The love for Elara clearly shines through and I liked how, even though she's the younger sibling, she's willing to do whatever it takes to protect Elara. Faron doesn't always make the best decisions, she even makes some that she's aware are questionable in her desire to save her sister. But at the same time, I definitely see how Faron was pushed to do what she did. It's a situation of people not telling her things and so she functions off of half-known facts and the situation may have been avoidable if she'd just been told everything from the get-go.

Elara is the older sibling who came with Faron when she went to war. As such, she has much of the same haunting memories from the revolution, though instead of wanting a quiet life, Elara wants to join San Irie's army in the air division and continue to protect the island nation and its people the way she did as a child. She's more serious and studious than Faron, but due to her not being a saint, actually has a bigger friend group and is able to get out a bit more. Elara's hopes of being in the Iryan military are crushed though when she unexpectedly bonds with a Langlish dragon. I definitely felt bad for Elara considering everything she was going through. Not only did she have to give up her dreams, but she also had to go to Langley to train, again not only leaving everything but also entering the heart of the empire and training school that tried to crush her country. The experience was definitely isolating for her, but Elara was able to make some friends and allies while there, and she even found beauty in her dragon and their bond (and her bond, both magical and romantic, with her dragon's other rider).

Reeve is Langlish and the son of the general who led the army against San Irie. But Reeve is also the child who stole battle plans and ran across the front lines to deliver them to Faron, Elara, and the San Iryan queen, Aveline. Combined with Faron's abilities, knowing the battle strategies helped end the war and bring peace to San Irie, but rather than be hailed a hero, Reeve is still looked at by most as a spy playing the long game. Reeve actually seems mostly okay with this and he has a surprisingly steady and well-adjusted head about everything that's gone on in San Irie during and after the war. He seems to get that even though he helped win the war most San Iryans see anyone Langlish as a threat and a memory of both the war and the colonialism that precedes it and seems to respect that view and the fact that people act out when still healing. I was impressed by his fortitude, though at times it fringes on self-destructive and he perhaps needs to learn that there's a line between being respectful of people's pain and allowing people to hurt him on purpose. Reeve is more Elara's friend than Faron's, though the two grow closer as they try and find a way to bring Elara home.

Signey is Elara's dragon bond partner and is definitely a hard one to get to know at first. She's closed off and acts kind of mean to Elara when they're first bonded, but over time the two grow closer as they unite to uncover what General Warwick is hiding. I wasn't a fan of Signey at first because of how wretched she acted toward Elara, who naturally was upset about being torn away from her life and curious about everything in Langley since...you know....she'd never been there. But Signey cleans up her act and actually becomes a great friend and defender of Elara. I liked getting to know more of Signey's background and finding out she's more of a fighter and revolutionary than it first appeared. Her and Elara's flirtations were cute as well.

Even though Faron and Elara are separated by an ocean, the two are largely working toward the same goal. Faron wants to bring Elara home safe (and break her bond to the dragon) and Elara wants to be able to return home, though she's also interested in the Fury. Both of them discover things in parallel that threaten to upend the world, and magic, as they know it.

Overall I really enjoyed this book and definitely recommend it! The ending was poetical and I look forward to seeing how things progress in book 2. It's a shame I got this the month it came out, now I have to wait a whole year for the next one!

[tk-tastic]

I'm jumping in because you're literally the first person in 12 years to have this same theory as me (I have a cringey 2014 flipnote to prove it lmao) were literally doing this right now

I've got more evidence. And disclaimer, I know this is just a theory, I'm not to be taken seriously. I'm also not defending Turbo, he's clearly not the misunderstood villain but anyway, Here's everything I've been holding in since 2014 with no one to infodump to-

Cybugs take on the appearance of the things they consume, not vice versa, and while it could be argued King Candy was the only example we see in the movie of a "sentient" character being decoured, I'd offer Calhoun and her first partner as another example. Now *technically,* this story is written into her code, so its likely not meant to be an accurate representation of what happens when someone is eaten by a cybug, but humor me, if her partner ended up in the same place as King Candy, why didn't he take over the cybugs body? Why did Calhoun immediately open fire if there was any chance he could gain control?

As for King Candy's final form, I like the parallels of Turbo and the cybugs being a virus, and I offer a counter theory. The cybugs know they're a virus and are actively trying to take over the arcade. It's in their code to do so. I can't, however, see much motivation for Turbo to do the same. What's his ultimate goal? To get every game unplugged? I really agree with OP here that this was the cybug talking, not Turbo, especially since it's the same bug that Ralph brought there in the first place. He's had a good hiding place in Sugar Rush and I can't imagine he'd be so eager to destroy the entire arcade.

Counterpoint to my own point, though, if running into Roadblasters was an angry, impulsive reaction, I can see him taking advantage of unexpected power to impulsively try to seize more.

I also agree that Felix could be an unreliable narrator. Not that he's particularly wrong or being deceitful, but the story has been repeated for so long and there was only one perspective, from the outside. It's implied the other racers in the games didn't escape before the games were unplugged, so they had no input on how the story was told. Again, not saying Turbo is misunderstood, but maybe there's more to it than him being a big jealous asshole (probably not, because he *is* a big jealous asshole and we love that for him)

Okay, I've got more theories. I'm sorry-

I used to obsess over how the code worked and what it meant to manipulate it. It's established that Vanellope crossing the finish line would reset the game, and that has spawned a few ideas on its own.

I'd imagine every time she raced she undid the elaborate code work he'd worked on, since it replaced her wires and literally reset the entire kingdom at the end of the movie I'd assume it fixes any tweaks or changes in the original coding. In order to stay hidden and stay King Candy, he had to keep her from racing. There was more to it than just dethroning a nine year old, lmao

Also, also- if you die outside your game you don't respawn, but if Turbo plugged wires from the game into his code, does that mean he *can* respawn? Or has he been living in Sugar Rush one wipeout away from death this entire time? And *if he can respawn,* the cybug/King Candy hybrid died *before* She crossed the line to fix everything, *therefore* its not unreasonable to think that he had time to respawn before the code was reset and his code was no longer a part of Sugar Rush. Ergo Turbo is still alive. I rest my case.

The konami sequence Turbo used to get into the code was written on a Tapper napkin. Who got him that info? Who was he meeting with?? Who taught him what he knows??? How much time did he have with Sugar Rush to practice the manipulation? I have questions that no one can answer.

There's more but I'm shutting up now

Ok so @king-crawler technically I finished your 2 hour Turbo documentary yesterday at 3 AM BUT regardless I have recentlt watched it and I have a LOT I'd like to say, clarify details or lil things you might have missed or could be interpreted differently when you look at them another way :3

With that last bit I am diving head first into the flashback scene since it's heavily referencing that.

First and foremost, keep in mind that it is being narrated from Felix's point of view- remember that he was in his game doing his job when the accident happened, it was while every person ever was inside their respective game being busy being used as avatars; also referencing back what you said on Felix- he's not exactly the most understanding of others' situations, he stays well within his comfort zone. Keep that in mind.

When Roadblasters is plugged in the flashback, you can see the two players using TurboTime immediately abandon the game to check out the new one, and the screen Turbo's pixelated image apoears on is completely dark, don't you think that is very reminiscent of a Game Over screen? 🙃 meaning, the two players abandoned Turbo in the middle of a race, likely causing him to crash and lose.

Remember King Candy's shock, and sudden change in behaviour as soon as he sees Vanellope sprinting past him? What follows is a volatile fit of rage and violence when things don't go his way, this sudden change of trajectory. Wouldn't you reckon this moment could mirror how Turbo felt in the flashback? He's being used as an avatar, and suddenly he loses control as he gets ditched and gets his race put to a halt. That initial shock of "what is going on. This wasn't supposed to happen!"

Following that, while I don't doubt he got jealous, he SPRINTED into Roadblasters the moment he lost... but not to try to take it over- to take petty revenge instead, interrupting the players' race and causing them to crash just like they did to him, preventing him from winning in his game. Picture it as a "if I can't have this, then you won't have it either" type mentality towards Roadblasters.

Going back to Felix and why his ignorance/remaining within his bubble could have possibility caused him to misread Turbo's intentions. Felix also is one to make assumptions in the beginning of the movie, like how for example when trying to calm the Nicelanders when Ralph goes missing: "Ralph probably fell asleep in Tapper's bathroom again!" Or some such. It makes sense he would make assumptions about Turbo as well, ESPECIALLY if he knew him personally and how self-obsessed he is. Doesn't take a genius to realize this guy does not like to lose.

Secondly, the final boss scene. King Candybug in general really. I disagree with your idea that Turbo has always been this hungry for power he'd want to take over the entire arcade. We both know that if that happened, if every game was infested by Cy-bugs, Litwak would be forced to close down his business because all of the games would be unplayable. His 'attention' wouldn't last very long if every game gets unplugged, his thought process to take over the arcade is purely manic and deranged for someone like him who has been well-known to be a master manipulator, able to keep a stable facade for over a decade without wanting to take over other racing games? That 'taking over the arcade' sounds very unlike him. It sounds more like... a cy-bug's programming. A cy-bug's programming that has gained enough conciousness to start plotting and planning. Because it now has the intelligence of a person, fused with him, learned what he knows.

Speaking of which, remember the cybug that ate King Candy?

Look at it's candy-pattern. Haven't we seen that somewhere before...?

Oh right! Right here, when the cybug eats some pepperming roots.

The same cybug that ended up there after falling into the taffy lake... after being ejected from a shuttle.

The same cybug that Ralph brought with himself.

What was the very first thing that King Candybug said to ralph when they see eachother again for the showdown?

"Because of you, Ralph, I'm now the most powerful virus in the arcade!"

I don't think, during this one moment at least, that this was Turbo speaking.

[swampstew]

200 follower event ~ The ninja way

Thank you so much for the follows, it means so much to me that y'all like my silly stories. I'll keep special events to every 500 mark moving forward and hope to continue making content that we all enjoy♥ Check out my updated pinned post for a sneak peek of future content you can expect to see from me!

Word Count: 1.9K - contains Wano Arc spoilers! CW: 18+ only, Spicy, Eustass Kid X AFAB Reader, consent very much implied, vaginal penetration, voyeurism, sexy games, some BDSM, chasing games, masturbation. m!n0rs DNI you will be blocked

Captain Kid was sulking in a bar in the capital city of Wano. The festival going on should have improved his mood but he was mad as hell. He took down an emperor and a literal clown took his rightful place as a new emperor. And the World Government named a literal child as a new emperor too. Why the fuck was the universe so against him???

He knocked back the sake, he wanted to get raging drunk and then slink home to the ship. He was so bummed he made Killer leave, not wanting to be a damper on his friend’s night for his role in the battle. Kid also regretted the decision. He was wallowing in self pity and leaning gravely into despair, Killer would be easing his frayed nerves and hyping him up. He held up his empty glass to the bartender, he needed to get much drunker.

A group of patrons at a nearby table erupted in cheers, toasting their glasses together before knocking them back. Kid squinted in their direction, trying to focus through the buzz. He recognized those people, from where…oh yeah. They were ninja and they had been in the fight on Onigashima along the samurai, minks and pirates. Hmm, he wondered if that one kunoichi was among the group.

The one ninja sitting with their back to him got up and made their way to the bathroom – it was the kunoichi! She had caught Kid’s eye when he had put the final blow into Big Mom. As he was laying down on the floor battered to shit with Law, samurai and ninjas had stepped up and defended them and their crews.

She had been the first one to jump in the line of fire for them. Or rather, she and her clones. Scared the shit out of him at first when they popped up out of nowhere; he thought he was dead for sure when they reached him to check on him. Seeing that he was just out of breath and needed a moment to recuperate, she gave him a knowing nod before doing a cool backflip and jumping into battle, clones in tow.

Kid drank his sake as he commiserated in the memories; shaken out of his thoughts when he saw her come back to her table. She was pretty hot, in battle and out. She had long Y/H/C that she tied back into a sleek ponytail. Not a bad body either, eying her from head to toe. He wasn’t sure he had it in him to even bother pursuing, he was in that bad of a rut. Her table was getting progressively louder the more they drank, and it made him feel worse.

“I heard that the pirate who took out Kaido started the festival by shooting fireworks from his shoulders! What a wild guy!”

Kid snorted, the only thing Luffy threw was his damn beer, spilling it on Kid who got literally wrapped up in the rubber bastard’s limbs as he tried to cut him down. Stupid fool thought they were buddies? Fuck that noise! Kid noped the fuck outta there.

“Let’s head over there and buy them drinks to say our thanks!” another ninja cried, the others agreeing quickly as they threw money down on the table, rising to leave. All but her.

She had a buttery voice that made Kid’s ears perk. “You’re not going to start with the Pirate Captain who is already here?”

“YOU MEAN LUFFY-SAN?”

“LAW-SAN?!!”

“Kid-san over at the bar.”

Kid nearly choked on his drink, he thought he had been unobserved the whole time.

“Uhhh dunno Y/N, he doesn’t look too approachable.”

“Tsk too scared? And you call yourselves ninja.”

“Why don’t you thank him?”

“I already did.”

Confused, Kid stops his eavesdropping as the bartender placed an unopened bottle of liquor and folded note next to his glass. “From the woman at the other end,” she pointed.

Looking across the bar, Kid saw the same kunoichi leaning against the bar table, smiling at him and then with a cross of her hands in front of her – she was gone in a poof. Now VERY confused, Kid swiveled his head back at the group and saw that they were already leaving the bar. The Y/N was the last out the door and she turned back, meeting his eyes. She gave him a nod and walked out, hands tugging the pockets of her leather jacket down.

Kid looked at the bottle, it was an expensive brand and that made him crack a smirk. Opening the note, he read her curved handwriting: thank you for your help liberating my country. On the back there was a sketch of the festival route with little arrow markers. With a shrug, Kid chugged the sake in his glass and left the bar with his gifted bottle, intent on finding the ninjas.

He was quick to catch up to them, easy to spot the taller ninja of the group against the crowd, Kid followed a few meters behind them. Y/N suddenly broke off from the group without a word to her squadron, making a sharp left turn down a less crowded street. Looking back at the note, Kid quickly realized she was going down the route she had drawn.

Smirking, he dashed down the same corridor, doing his utmost best to keep quiet as he followed the sole ninja. She was fast, he lost sight of her almost immediately but he had the map so he made do. After he made the last turn, he realized that there were a few small houses down the street from the port. Looking left to right, he tried to deduce where the kunoichi could have gone.

It took Kid several houses before he finally peered into a window and found her. She was laying in bed with her pants down and her top pushed up, exposed, and playing with herself. Well now, he could do with a free show, might even cure him of all his woes.

He glanced around the street; he was mostly hidden from view and that was good enough for him. He unzipped his pants and whipped his cock out, slowly jerking himself to the sexy kunoichi.

“Finally found me huh?” she panted out loud.

Kid froze, shit he hadn’t meant to get caught so quickly.

“It’s ok, I don’t mind,” she husked, sitting up to discard of her pants entirely. She looked to him through the partially open window. “Bra on or off?”

“Off,” he coughed into his elbow. “Erm…thanks for the booze.”

“Heh least I could do,” she dropped the last of her clothes and laid back in the bed. “You gonna watch from outside or do you want to sit inside?”

Kid sat in the fabric armchair, drinking his bottle and stroking his cock, watching the kunoichi – Y/N now that they were on a first name basis – rub fast circles on her clit. She moaned and rolled her hips as she changed her pace.

“Play with yer tits more,” he crowed.

Y/N cupped her breast, squeezing her flesh and pulling her nipple. Tweaking it while she tweaked her nub, making sharp inhalations.

“Verrry nice,” he purred, increasing his pace and grip on his throbbing cock. “Y’know, this is hot ‘n all but I prefer being deep inside.”

“Oh you want penetration?” she giggled, plunging a finger deep in her core. “Sure if you can find the real me.”

Kid’s shaved eyebrows rose into his goggles. “The real you?”

Y/N pulled her fingers out of her pussy and sucked them clean. With a cross of her hands, she once again disappeared. Kid shot up from his seat, was he being pranked??? The sound of more poofing echoed in the room and suddenly there were five more clones of Y/N in a skimpy dress, beckoning him.

“If you can find me, you can stick it in me.”

Kid cocked a leer, sure he liked games, especially when he gets to be the hunter.

“When I find you, I’m gonna pin you down and take you the way I want.”

The clones pranced around the room, calling out at him to distract him, luring him to false promises. Kid pounced on the first one, throwing her to the bed and pinning her. Pressing his cock against her warm stomach, he husked into her ear.

“Gotcha.”

He spread her legs and positioned himself over her, pushing her dress up and brushing against her naked center. She was wet, Kid began to push in, feeling her heat pulse around the edge of his tip. She crossed her hands and she was gone – Kid dipped into the bed, shocked, and now annoyed. Ok, time to dial it up a notch.

Kid hoisted another clone over his hips and slammed her into the wall, kissing her harshly and rushing his hand to her pussy. He got the first digit of his middle finger inside her before she also disappeared. He threw the third clone face down on the carpet and ripped her dress off, spanking her ass and watching her cheeks jiggle. He spread her thighs and watched her silk spill from her core in a thick line – he caught it in his hand and lubed his cock, aching to bury himself in her. Before he could get an inch and a half of his cock in her, she disappeared.

Now his cock was hurting. The fourth one tripped and fell on her back, and when he landed on top of her, hands kneading her tits and cock rubbing between her folds, he managed to get three inches deep in her before she also disappeared. There was only one left – Kid was fucking determined and ready to ruin her. She leapt on furniture and dashed around him, running through the house to evade him, teasing him with flashes of her body or blowing kisses every time he just missed her. Watching her lithe body twist and turn, he quickly learned how to predict her next move and as she leapt into the air, Kid dove to her intended spot and caught her.

He dropped her on the bed and held her by her hair, positioning her in front of his cock.

“I hope you’re fucking ready for me,” he growled, pinching her chin to open her mouth and stuffing his cock in her face. Her wet muscle squirmed over his heavy cock as he thrusted himself up to the hilt. He grunted out, “fuck this sure feels real,” sighing. “Too bad it’s not, you tease.”

The clone disappeared and he hung his head. Pacing around the room, “y’know I was totally willing to be a generous lover tonight but after this stunt, the first four orgasms are going to be my own.”

His ears picked up something in the corner behind a paper divider he had overlooked. He reached with his haki, so she was there the whole time but she managed to disperse her energy signature amongst each clone to fool him into thinking she was out there.

Using his dagger, he ripped the divider to ribbons and pushed through. Y/N was laid up on a purple chaise lounge, lace bra and panties shoved aside as she pleasured herself.

“Took you long enough,” she gasped.

Kid towered over her, cock bobbing angrily while he pinned her down by the shoulders. “That was pretty cute. I hope it was worth it because I am going to leave here having filled every one of your holes, twice,” he growled.

“I’m ok with being a sacrifice after what you did,” she squeaked.

“Don’t break on me,” he husked, angling his hips and burying his bursting cock deep into her warm and wet pussy, Y/N crying out from the way it split her open.

“Ah shit, you’re nice and tight. This is gonna be a good night after all.”

[hellhathfrozethover]

why

is Metal Man described as having a design flaw that makes him vulnerable to Rock's buster when he only takes one damage from it (as opposed to Air Man, Quick Man, Flash Man, and Heat Man, who all take two)? shouldn't the issue be that he's horribly weak to his own weapon?

does Air Man take damage from the Leaf Shield because its leaves jam his fan, but deflects the Metal Blade entirely, when the saws are of a stronger material (ceratanium, apparently) and probably around the size to achieve the same effect?

is Air Man able to jump so high despite being so large, when Wood Man is just as large if not moreso, and can barely get off the ground; how is he propelling himself upwards? are there jets in his feet?

is Quick Man able to deflect the Metal Blade, but not the Shadow Blade?

does using the Time Stopper HEAL Flash Man? what the actual fuck sense does that make? also, why does the Item 3 reverse course when Flash Man uses the Time Stopper? shouldn't it just halt in place?

does the Quick Boomerang not do shit to Wood Man, despite being a cutting weapon just the same as the Metal Blade? is it too flimsy? it looks like it's made of energy, and would thus be hot, but is that not the case?

doesn't Mecha Dragon have any invulnerability to the Atomic Fire, and is in fact weak to it, despite using fire as a weapon?

does Snake Man take more damage from the Needle Cannon than the Shadow Blade, despite the Shadow Blade being the overall stronger weapon that serves the same purpose (sharp and stabby)?

is Needle Man invulnerable to the Hard Knuckle, but not Hard Man, when he is supposed to be the most durable robot of his line?

is Drill Man stated to be haphazard/計画性 and dislike doing calculations/computations/doing math when that is more than half the job of mining? measure twice cut once? especially when drilling around pre-existing construction? why would Mikhail make him like this?

does Ring Man dislike children when the man who created him quite notably has a child? is this not a conflict of interest?

is Dive Man prone to seasickness when he is meant to traverse the seas on a regular basis? why would Mikhail make him like this? also, he's much bigger and heftier, so why is Drill Man more durable than him?

is it that Uranus is defensively superior to the literal destruction god, Sunstar? and that Enker is more well defended than Uranus?

does Dr. Wily have such an infatuation with space and aliens? in Mega Man 2, he cosplays a space alien. in every Rock Man World game except 3, his fortresses are all space stations and space battleships (with 5 having him partner up with proper aliens). in Mega Man 3, he recovers Shadow Man, a robot of dubious extraterrestrial origin. he built Star Man, reprogrammed Astro Man AND Galaxy Man. in Mega Man 8, he somehow manages to harness alien matter (the evil energy) to power his robots. he once again partners up with another alien (Ra Moon) in Super Adventure Rock Man, and AGAIN in Rock Man Strategy with the constellation droids. he invented the Time Skimmer to warp through spacetime. his damn main mode of transport is based off of a stereotypical UFO. why? why space?

is Dr. Wily so obsessed with Guts Man? in Mega Man 1 (sadly redacted in MMPU), he has a hall of golden Guts Man models in his fortress. he built the Guts Tank. Gamma's design borrows elements from Guts Man. he built Stone Man (who befriended Guts Man, even), and the Power Musclers (I'd argue Search Man too, has the Gutsy look to him). in Mega Man 7, he built Guts Man S based off his husk in the Robot Museum. he's probably the reason Uranus has a bishie sparkle on his stage selected portrait, what is wrong with him.

is it so hotly demanded we have Roll as a playable character, on the front lines of defence, when she is overtly described as "cowardly/恐がり"? why would she ever want to do a thing like that?

are some against the idea of other humanoid robots besides Rock and Roll being of a childlike disposition, just because their intended ages aren't outright stated? even when voice casting would imply otherwise? (Cut Man, Ice Man, Clown Man, Aqua Man, Bounce Man, etc.) i'm not saying you can't say no. but why?

does Rush dislike "remodeling/reconstructions/改造手()術" when his entire Thing is to adapt into different utilities? is he just plain miserable every time he has to go through an update or undergo a shift in mode? why would Dr. Light make him like this?

is Bass distinguished from the Mega Man Killers in serial code when his purpose is ostensibly the same? were they not all designed with the express purpose of killing Mega Man? why does it matter that he was built with Bassnium?

is Bassnium lauded as this incredibly strong material when whatever Enker has going on with his armour is far harder to penetrate?

did Shadow Man not get revived with the rest of the 3rd line during the temple fight in Super Adventure Rock Man? did Ra Moon simply choose not to revive him? was the extraterrestrial material he was made up of somehow not accessible by this all-powerful god-mode supercomputer?

does the Mega Arm work? if it's true no Earth weapons can touch the Space Rulers, then what the hell is the Mega Arm actually made of? those power crystals the 3rd line were farming out in space to help power Gamma?

did anyone fall for the Mr. X trick in Mega Man 6?

does Dark Man 4 cosplay as Blues without having taken out the real Blues first, surely knowing that if he were allowed to live, it would throw a wrench in the "have the hero believe in you" plan?

isn't everyone in the known universe weak to the Black Hole, or Black Hole Bomb?

isn't Quick Man's rivalry with Rock given more spotlight? with how much preferential treatment Rock gave him in Super Adventure Rock Man (a favour returned, no less, the guy's just happy to spend time fighting with him "victory or defeat"), combined with the fact that Quick Man was willing to peacefully race with him in Battle & Chase, PLUS the juxtaposition of equipping his weapon during the spring season in the ending of Mega Man 2? why isn't he more important in Rock's narrative?

isn't Ballade the same way? for someone who resented his purpose so strongly that he paid the ultimate price, why does he just go back to fighting you in the Wily Star? how is that fair?

were there complaints about Oil Man when nobody complained about Ripot, or the later Metools for that matter.

do certain bosses with a weakness to blunt force or fire weapons also have immunity to bombs? combustion with a wide range is two for the price of one, isn't it?

does Jupiter not have back talons? and why are his front ones so fat? is he not expected to grab onto or perch on anything with them?

has Capcom forgotten that there are other final boss fights that don't have to include the Wily Capsule?

aren't we informed of what happens to civil service robots that come under Dr. Wily's control through theft and forceful reprogramming? do we help them? are they stuck with Dr. Wily indefinitely?

is Monsteropolis/Megalopolis/Symphony City/Mega City so fucking stupid as to not enact capital punishment on the ONE source of ALL their problems once they had him jailed? the world would quite literally be a better and more peaceful place without Dr. Wily, and you can't just hand down a verdict to kill him?

does Dr. Wily bother with earning money honestly as a career criminal? why has he got Gyro Man out here collecting ticket fees at the Sky Gardens, or Crystal Man selling counterfeit crystals when he has enough muscle to just steal everything he needs forever? when no-one in government is strong enough to stop him?

are the armed forces/navy/marine corps/air force/literally god damned any military branch you can think of in this universe so anaemic and feckless? particularly America's. you've got 800+ different bases all over the world, nuclear arms, and yet this man's bullshit cannot be stopped?

is the world so overreliant on Rock to solve all their Wily-related problems? isn't this dangerous, to leave every arm of counterterrorism to one man?

is Rock's maturity so understated by the fandom? why isn't it acknowledged that, although not physically, living the way he has is affecting and changing him?

why

CAN'T I BEAT THE FUCKING KING PLANE WHY WOULD YOU PUT THIS GOD DAMN IMPOSSIBLE THING AFTER THE HERCULEAN EFFORT IT TOOK TO BEAT THE KING TANK WHO THE FUCK DESIGNED THIS THING I'M GONNA PUKE

why is Shark Man so cute. i just want to squish his face he's such a little baby. look at him