#literally invented the whole ‘would stab as a warning’ thing

[comical-icicle]

Gretchen Grimlock and Daphne Dreadnaught

Swear that these names sound so similar to me for some reason.

Oh well, have these two hunters! They’d probably bond over the supernatural and having streaks in their hair.

On another note… Gretchen. I had tried drawing her but wasn’t satisfied with first couple results as it looked wrong to me. Finally decided to bite the bullet and deviate further from her original outfit design than I intended, but I’m happier with the result so I don’t mind as much.

[procrastinatingsoicanreadfanfics]

witchers x maleficent!/fae!reader

summary: how witcher characters would react to someone having maleficent type horns/wings and magic

notes: got this out just in time for the new season phew

warnings: gn!reader, lambert the middle schooler, jaskier's composing

tagged: @majesticwren @obsessiveformiyatwins @levithestripper @lu-in-the-library @sunndust (msg me to be added!)

based on this request | masterlist | requests are OPEN!

Geralt

He’s mostly just praying that fate isn’t throwing another curveball at him

Sureeee he’ll spend time with you!! (his fingers are crossed and he’s praying let them be normal let them be normal

Will end up totally accepting you, but he doesn’t love the attention that comes from being a witcher in the company of a fae

He secretly adores your wings

Jaskier

Immediately in song-writing mood

Will make up things about your life to fabricate contents for his ballads

Won’t treat you very different from his other ~weird~ friends

Loves loves loves the attention that comes with it (read: basks in it like the sun)

Yennefer

Yen is fascinated

The academic in her wants to tell her colleagues

And the girl who was all alone and abandoned in her absolutely adores you

You’d do good to make sure that she’s on your side, or she might sell you out

Definitely wants a piece of your magic either way

Ciri

Poor ciri

Eugh she just wants some friends

That don’t die…

She loves your horns and wings

Definitely adores you for also being *different* and having your own magic thing going on

Eskel

He adores your wings

If there is a wing care routing, please let this man do it

Otherwise, he might invent a conditioner-potion for your wings

Don’t scare him in the beginning though, or you may get stabbed

Lambert

Has the reaction of a seventh-grader

Might literally go woahhhhhh

Big hater, but not against you

Will protect you, but will also ask you if you can carry stuff with your horns constantly

Yeah becoming a christmas tree-esque creature may be a con

Coen

Coen honestly just enjoys a helping hand

Your magic will in fact be contributing to his work

Tbf he also makes sure you don’t get killed by angry farmers

The whole thing starts off as a symbiotic relationship but will turn into a friendship (if not more hehe)

Vesemir

Bro does not trust you

Thots and prayers girldude

Oh you have horns and wings? LIKE A MONSTER??

Unless one of his witchers (read:children) introduces you to him, he may attempt murder

[cressidagrey]

Something good and right and real - Chapter 8

Summary:

Azriel had spent centuries believing that he of all people didn't deserve a mate. And if anything, the last three years had just galvinised that particular belief. And then he meets her.

The first time Oriana met Azriel, she thought that he reminded her of a skittish cat. Shy and a little bit broken. Good for him that she absolutely excelled in fixing the things around her.

Warnings:

Rhys Bashing, Discussion of Murder, Discussion of Mental Illness

Notes:

I put a lot of world building into this. If you don't recognise it from canon, I probably invented. Or I forgot that canon existed.

(thanks to @firefly-graphics for the super pretty dividers!)

Of all the things that finally gave Oriana the spark that she needed to figure out the problem that she had with Azriel’s fighting leathers…well, nobody would have thought that would be a children’s bedtime story. 

But it was. 

She read about dragons and the power of love…and came out of it with her brain literally smoking with ideas. 

Chainmail. Human Knights wore chainmail. 

She didn’t for one moment think that that was going to work for Azriel. 

But the dragons made her think of scales and suddenly it was three days later, Azriel returning from a mission from the cauldron only knew and her forge was absolutely covered in bits of adamantium. 

And Oriana’s hair was standing in every which direction. 

“You look like you had a productive time,” Azriel quipped and she looked at him bright-eyed and excited. But she wasn’t going to tell him a single word. 

She had even sworn his shadows to secrecy. She thought they were more amused by her request than anything, but after she had explained what she was planning, they were happy to agree. 

She was going to finish this…and it was going to be perfect. 

“Oh, I was,” she agreed immediately. “But please, take me out for the rest of the day, because I think otherwise I may become one with the forge.”

She wasn’t even joking. She should really leave it one of these days. 

“We don’t want that,” Azriel agreed, a grin playing on his far too handsome features as he leaned down to press a kiss against her unresisting lips. 

She happily twirled her arms around his neck as she kissed him. 

“I came to kidnap you,” he said softly and she grinned at him. 

“Is it kidnapping if I come willingly?” she wondered. He shrugged. 

“I have no clue,” he admitted. 

“Knife work?” she asked him and he shook his head. 

“No, but we’ll be…near the clearing,” he said. “It’s getting warmer. So I thought…Picnic?” he asked her and her smile filled her whole face. 

She had learned early on that while Azriel didn’t often talk about his feelings…they were there in every single action in all the time he made sure to spend with her. He was the one who got her flowers just because and who brought her chocolate from her favourite shop, even when she had never mentioned it to him. She was the one who just left things in his path, waiting for him to find them, not wanting to overwhelm him. 

It worked for the two of them. But still, the thought that even when he had just come back home, he had come back straight to her, but still managed to bring along a beaten-up knapsack filled with food and drink…well that was adorable. 

They took the usual flight route, the wings beating behind his back rhythmically and Oriana yearned for a moment when the opportunity would arise and she could reach out to touch them. 

Still, as he touched down it wasn’t the usual clearing they used whenever he taught her how to try and stab somebody with that knife of hers. 

He hit the ground but didn’t put her down as he carried her forward. 

She felt the moment they passed the ward boundary. “Yours?” she asked and he nodded. 

“Mine,” he agreed. And then, suddenly, they left the forest behind them and she stared at the perfect mountain lake that stretched just feet away from them. 

Azriel let her down gently and her feet hit the floor as she felt the sunlight kiss her skin. It was getting warmer in Velaris, Spring having truly arrived, Sumer just coming around the corner. 

And for just a single moment, she couldn’t quite believe the beauty before herself. This was…gorgeous.

The water was nearly azure blue, the sun happily shining down onto their little slice of paradise. 

It was all there. Perfect.  

“I love it,” she breathed, turning around and catching Azriel watching her, a shy smile playing around his lips. 

“Good place?” Azriel asked her, quietly. 

“Are you kidding? It��s the best!” she exclaimed, already crouching down so that she could remove the shoes she wore. She stared across the lake as she fussed with her laces, finally getting rid of them. She was so going to put her feet in the water. 

Only then, she caught the cabin that had been built on the other side of the lake. Or maybe a cottage was more fitting. A fairy tale cottage. Built out of grey stone, overlooking the lake. Ivy growing along it, a bright blue door…

She froze. 

If there was a house there…then how had Azriel warded it against…

“That’s yours,” she said softly, realisation setting in.  “The house is yours, isn’t it?” she asked him. 

“Yes,” Azriel agreed, and she could hear the smile in his voice. “I should have known that you were going to figure it out,” he teased her softly.  

She rightened and then turned to watch him watch her, a near-bashful smile on her face. 

He was sharing that with her. Ever since he had told her how he had gotten the scars a week or so prior…ever since then he had started opening up to her about more of his past. Sometimes inconsequential things, but she still hoared all of them like precious gemstones. 

“Thank you for sharing that with me,” she finally said. She couldn’t even imagine how much that had taken from him, because he seemed to be so fiercely private and guarded about so many things. 

“It’s you,” he said like that made that all…easy. 

Oriana smiled. 

And then she turned back around and waded into the water without even waiting for anything else. 

“I wouldn’t… suggest that,” Azriel started to warn her, but she ignored it. 

The pebbles were comfortable under her feet, the water icy. “Why? Don’t you like the cold?” Oriana asked him with a laugh, tugging her skirts up higher so that they wouldn’t get wet. 

“This is icy,” Azriel said, sounding worried on her behalf, but she just grinned at him. 

“I was born in the mountain. You are aware that we bathe in the hot springs and with clear spring water, all the time, right?” she asked him, turning to look at him over her shoulder. “Communal bathing is even part of our culture,” she told him matter-of-factly. That didn’t stop Azriel from staring at her like she had just grown a second head. 

“What, don’t act like you have never done that before,” she teased him. “You seriously want to tell me that Illyirans have nothing similar?” she teased him. 

She was getting used to the water, still cool on her skin but no longer icy and she looked over the lake as she wondered if it was hot enough that she could get away with it… 

“We…Illyrians have Birchins,” Azriel finally admitted. She cocked her head to the side. “We go in there to…sweat.”

“Is that something like steam chambers?” she wondered. She knew that. They had that in the mountains.  

“Sounds similar,” Azriel agreed and she decided that she only lived once and as such she was going to take advantage of the beautiful water.  

That was all she needed as she made that decision, stepping back to the shore only to start opening the ties at her back that kept her dress closed and then pulled it over her head. 

“What…What are you doing?” Azriel asked, his voice sounding a mixture of hoarse and garbled. But that didn’t hide the sudden stab of arousal that she got through their bond as she pulled the dress over her head and dropped it to the ground next to her shoes. 

“What does it look like?” Oriana wondered as she stepped out of her undergarments. “Taking a swim in your lake.”

Azriel made another sound like he was hurt or possibly dying. Oriana was far too amused to stop now. “You are welcome to join me, of course. If you want…”

And maybe, just maybe, a part of her was far too curious. 

And then there was the fact that ever since she had taken off her necklace, he had been…hesitant with her. Not with talking with her, but with touching her, with pressing issues to her…they were always chaste and gentle, and a part of her was yearning for something more. 

He didn’t answer. She was wading in the cold water, taking a deep breath when it was deep enough that she could start properly swimming. 

 “Unless I am hurting your delicate sensibilities?” Oriana teased him, biting her lip. 

The growl that came from the shore in response made every hair on her body stand up in response. Her arousal was a sharp stab in her lower belly, the heat low and molten. 

“Maybe it’s too cold for me,” Azriel’s voice came from the shore, low and dark but she listened to the sound of clothing being removed and she bit back a smile. 

 “You aren’t mated for me for nothing,” Oriana gave back with a soft snort. 

She had fought for decades with her gifts until she knew that she had the kind of control over the fire within her that she wasn’t going to accidentally set anything on fire. 

However, that also meant that there wasn’t much that she hadn’t tested to figure out the extent of her power. And so it was the work of nothing to let the water around her grow hot until it was hot enough to be steaming and bubbling and then let go of her power until it cooled down enough that it was still hot, but no longer boiling. 

“They do say that Autumn Court Faes have fire in their blood,” she quipped. 

“And here I thought that that was only about males,” Azriel said with some amusement, suddenly behind her, a broad hand curled itself possessively around her hip and she grinned like the cat that got the fish and the cream for dinner both. 

“Oh, you know…We can’t have males have all the fun,” she teased him, even when warm lips suddenly pressed against her pulse point. 

Her breath hitched in her throat. 

“Oh, love, I think you are having plenty of fun. You enjoy teasing me, don’t you, you horrid mate,” he teased her. “Just starting to strip off all your clothing without nary a forewarning…”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy it. You are a male,” she gave back, but her voice was starting to sound surprisingly breathy and he pulled her against a broad chest, taking her weight. 

“Of course, I enjoyed it,” Azriel whispered into her ear, making her shiver. She craned her head so she could kiss him properly, his lips pressing to hers. 

She gasped against him, letting her hands slide over his shoulders, feeling the slick, damp skin underneath her hands, a spiderweb of scars covering them. 

She pulled back and came eyes to eyes to his naked chest for the first time, the bronze skin seemingly glowing in the afternoon sun, only interrupted by intricate lines of black tattoos. 

Oriana couldn’t help herself from reaching out to touch them, from sliding her fingertips over the skin that held them. 

“What are these?” she asked Azriel curiously. Not Bargain marks, were they? They looked different. 

“Illyrian warrior markings,” Azriel answered, his wings rustling behind him. “Luck and Glory in battle. We get them after the Blood Rite.”

He had mentioned that to Oriana in an offhand way a few days ago. 

“They are beautiful,” Oriana said softly, his wings shifting once again, as she pulled her hand back. “Not as beautiful as your wings though,” she said with a grin. 

They seemed to act without conscious thought of him, stretching out further, so that Oriana could see every inch of their massive expanse. 

She swallowed. 

Unwillingly, suddenly there were her sister’s words in her mind again. 

She watched as the blush stole over his cheeks and her toes curled into the pebbles in the ground beneath her. 

“Can I…May I touch them?” she breathed and he swallowed. 

“Yes.”

Somehow this was different than the night she had spent sleeping beneath one of his wings, feeling the weight of it on top of her body. Now was the first time that she actually got to feel the soft, leathery texture underneath her fingertips, the veins that shot through them, the scars that pebbled against her fingertips. 

She was so very gently as she touched him, not sure how…how much prefer to exert but she didn’t seem to…They trembled against her hands and she pulled back. 

“Don’t…” Azriel pressed out hoarsely. “They are just…sensitive.”

Sensitive?

She took another deep breath, the scent of forest and cedar that surrounded him having grown musky and she could pick out the undercuttren t of arousal. 

She was quite sure that she smelled no different. 

“Are they?” she asked instead, fingertips going back to gently tracing the lines of veins, and then up until she reached the talon on the edge of it. She wrapped her hand around it. 

Azriel reacted with a hiss. 

“Yes. And unless you want me to have my way with you right now, you should let them go,” he told her hoarsely. 

She let him go. 

And then leaned up to press a kiss against his mouth, pressing her chest against his, feeling her nipples grow hard by the sudden touch. 

He held still, even as his hands came up to cradle her face. 

“Promises promises,” she sing-songed breathlessly, looking into hazel eyes that were so dark they were nearly black.  

“I always keep my promises,” Azriel told her darkly, dipping down to kiss her again, hands slowly brushing down her back and now it was her turn to shiver. 

“Do you?” She asked him breathlessly, for a moment forgetting what they were even talking about. 

“I do,” he assured her. “I always do.”

And then he kissed her again, and all thoughts flew her brain because her whole world narrowed down to just Azriel. 

Just Azriel and the touch of his skin against hers, his mouth on hers…the cool water of the lake. 

It was his shudder that made her pull back, as she had realised that the water was too cold to stay there for much longer, even when she warmed it with nary a thought once again.

So out they went, with Azriel first, too much of a good male to sneak a peek…Oriana didn’t have that problem. She looked at her piece, taking in the broad shoulders, narrowing to a trim waist, the massive wings that were still flaring wide…the scars that dragged one right down his back and over his ass. It was quite a nice ass. 

Nice legs as well. She shouldn’t be staring. She still did it. 

She liked looking at him like that. 

And she would kind of like to see the other side too. 

She slipped back into her dress and sat primly down onto the picnic blanket Azriel had brought along, eating her fill of sandwiches and cookies and then promptly decided that other tactics were fine too, and laid her head on a strong thigh as she stared into the beautiful sky. 

She sighed softly, closing her eyes, for once in her life utterly and irrevocably happy. 

She couldn’t even remember the last time she had felt that way before Azriel. 

She picked up one of his hands, intertwining their fingers, one broad wing acting as her personal sun umbrella…

“I was thinking…” she started. 

“Always dangerous,” Azriel quipped and she snorted. 

“You are so right,” she agreed easily. “Still, I was thinking…if we properly accept this mating bond…do you want a ceremony?”

He was quiet for a moment and she opened his eyes to have him watch her, his eyes so soft, so wide…like he couldn’t possibly imagine that they were talking about this. 

“Whatever you want,” his voice was hoarse as he said these words, picking up their joint hands to press a kiss to the back of hers. 

“But I asked you,” she prodded gently.  

“I really don’t care. Anyway, I get you is good in my book,” Azriel said softly. “But if you want a proper ceremony then we’ll do that.”

She smiled softly. 

“I just want you,” Oriana assured him. “It’s about us. Not about anybody else.”

Besides, she had done the whole marriage thing once already. The proper way. With all the ceremonies. And look how that had ended. 

So maybe this tie, when it was just about them…just the two of them, the way the Mother had intended…Without anybody else’s opinion weighing on them, because they were both adults and could do whatever they wanted for cauldron’s sake…that seemed nice. 

“Though before we do that, I have some…requests,” Oriana finally said, fingers tightening around Azriel’s.

He hummed a question. 

“I want you to meet my family,” she said quietly.  “Eventually everybody, but we can start with Cyrus and Briony, and their younglings.”

At least then Azriel wouldn’t be a completely overwhelmed mess at the end of it. “You already met Cyrus so that should be easy. Just dinner, nothing fancy,” she assured him. “And a second thing:  I’ll take you dancing at least once.”

“That’s all?” he asked her, sounding incredulously, after waiting for a moment. 

“What did you expect I was gonna ask of you?” she asked with a snort. “That’s all. You’ll probably meet so,e friends of mine when we go dancing as well, but that’s all, I swear.”

“Alright,” he agreed with a shrug. 

“Don’t be too enthusiastic,” Oriana said with a laugh. “Now is the time to tell me any requests you have, by the way.” 

The last thing she expected was the words he blurted out next. “I want you to meet my mother.”

For a moment Oriana’s brain felt like it was freezing before it started working again. His mother?

“She’s still alive?” she blurted out, her eyes flying out and Azriel’s eyebrows furrowed. “I am sorry, it’s just…you never talk about her,” she hurried to add. “I just thought that…” She had died in some tragic way centuries ago and Azriel still grieved her and didn’t talk about her because of that? 

Yeah, Oriana had thought that. 

“No, she’s…alive,” Azriel said, but the way he said that last word made her…curious. He stared at everything but her. “She’s not… well ,” he finally said carefully. 

“She’s…her mind fractured. Rhys has tried to…help her, but every time we try, we just make it worse,” Azriel explained quietly. 

Oriana just swallowed. 

She had heard of that happening before, of the kind of sickness that no healer could help with because it wasn’t an illness of the body but the mind. 

And even mind-healers could not always save somebody once it had…gone down a road like that. If Azriel’s mother’s mind had truly fractured…then everything that made her herself…all of that was gone. 

“So…I try to make her as comfortable as I can. She had a house in the Illyrian Steppes…It’s called Rosehall.  I have a… friend that takes care of her. She’s half wraith and somehow that makes all the difference,” Azriel said softly. “She keeps her company. And tells me when she has a good day so I can go visit…”

Just imagining her own mother in such a state was making Oriana feel like somebody cleaved open her heart. And Azriel talked about this so softly, like this was just how it was and there was nothing he could do, to make it any better. 

“When my mom has a good day, she recognises me. She’s not scared of me. I get to talk to her…even when she doesn’t answer. But she’s…there,” Azriel said, one corner of his mouth lifting up as he recounts that. “But they are getting rarer every year. 

“If she has a bad day then…then she thinks I am my father,” he whispered, his voice dipping into self-loathing. “She’s terrified of me then.”

She didn’t know what she was supposed to do, other than sit up and embrace him as tightly as she could. 

“And you think that me meeting her…that would be good?” Oriana finally asked hesitantly. “I don’t want to make it worse, Sweetling.”

“You can’t make it worse,” Azriel said softly. “Maybe it’s stupid but she’s the only…blood family I have.”

She understood that. 

“Then I’ll be honoured to meet her.”

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

“So when should we do it?” Oriana asked him, practical like always, still draped over his lap. He would gladly spend weeks just like that, breathing in the warm scent of fire and home. 

“I’ll need a few weeks. I need to arrange for leave,” he said softly. He didn’t want to wait. Not when he still was terrified that she was going to change her mind. 

But he needed to somehow figure out an explanation for Rhysand that was going to be accepted without too much fuss… and wasn’t the truth but also wasn’t a lie.

Something that made sense. 

Azriel wondered if he could get away with simply asking for a break. 

Would that be accepted? Or would that then be a whole other thing? He didn’t know.  

“Ah, yes, the Mating Frenzy ,” Oriana commented, waggling her eyebrows. 

He opened his mouth to respond to that and then closed it again with a resounding click. 

Yes. 

The Mating Frenzy . 

Something he was suddenly realising he was utterly terrified of. 

And Azriel also realised that he had no idea how to deal with that fear. He hadn’t even thought about it before. 

Being with Oriana, being her mate… of course, he had thought about a time when maybe they would officially accept the bond. 

But it had been somewhere in the depth of his heart, where he didn’t allow himself to go too often, in fear of being disappointed again. 

He was still waiting for something to go wrong. He always would. 

Would always be waiting for Oriana to wake up one morning and realise that she was mated to a monster. 

But still, he had…longed for a moment when she would offer him something to eat and all he needed to do was to accept it. To accept that she loved him and that she wanted him and…

He had hoped for that moment. 

He had kissed her, he had put his hands on soft skin and held her, he had thought about how it would be to do so many other things with her…dark at night when he was along with his thoughts…but the idea of…Everything was stripped away until only the base instincts were still there…that terrified him. 

What if he hurt her? What if he was so rough with her that…that he did something that he would regret for the rest of his existence? What if he harmed her in a way that even the quick healing of faes could do nothing against? 

Oriana’s sudden touch against his face startled him. 

He could just stare at her as she cupped his cheek, somehow having moved so that she was straddling him and he hadn’t even noticed. 

Whenever he was with her, his situational awareness suffered and he felt like a youngling again.  

“You aren’t going to hurt me.” 

Oriana said this like it wasn’t even something that she was worried about. Like it was crystal clear that this wasn’t going to happen. 

She said it with all the trust in the world. 

He wished he had only a tiny bit of her trust in him in himself. 

“That’s what you are worried about, isn’t it?” She asked and he just about managed to nod. Oriana’s eyes were warm, the flames flickering comfortingly. He still couldn’t always put a finger on it, when she pulled the glamour up or when it decided to go away on its own. It was always surprising him. Though he loved the flames so much more than he ever had loved the flat blackness.

 “It’s gonna be fine, sweetling,” Oriana promised him soothingly. 

“You don’t know that,” he forced out. She didn’t. He could do something horrible. He had done horrible things in his past and he would do horrible things in his future. He always would. 

“I could…” he could do that. So easily. He may have taught her how to use a dagger, but if he really wanted to…she didn’t have any chance against him. 

“Yeah, and I could set you on fire with a thought. Won't do that either,” she quipped. 

He froze. 

Right. 

Sometimes he forgot how fucking magical Oriana was.

“I don’t doubt that you are physically stronger than me, Azriel, but I do think that I could probably shock you enough to stop you for at least a moment,” Oriana said quietly. “That’s all I would need.”

“And then there is also the fact that hurting me would go against every one of your instincts. I am your mate . You aren’t going to hurt me,” she pointed out reasonably. “We could…if it’s going to calm you, we could have sex before we even think about triggering the Mating Frenzy,” she suggested. 

“No!” He blurted out. “Maybe it’s stupid but…” but he wanted…he wanted their first time to be when they were really mated when the Mating Bond needed to be consummated. 

“It’s not stupid,” Oriana assured him fiercely. “This is about us . We do what we want. What anybody else wants doesn’t matter in this particular instance, Azriel.”

She was right. Oriana was right, as always. It didn’t matter. 

But for Azriel who had spent a whole life doing what other people told him to do…that was… freedom . 

It was their mating bond. 

And if there was anything in his life, that was just his…then it would be that , wouldn’t it?

It would be the bond that Oriana and him would forge together. It would be just for the. 

And so they should also…have it exactly like they wanted. In every way. 

“I’ll offer you food and we accept the bond and then we’ll stay holed up for a week or so,” Oriana said with a smile. “And I look forward to that. Very, very much.”

He did too. 

Not the sex. 

Well, also the sex. Making her his in every way that he could get away with…that was appealing in so many different ways. But he was also looking forward to just having that much uninterrupted time with her, to do nothing but kiss that flawless, soft skin and touch her everywhere. 

“Though I would suggest that we do not do that at my apartment. My neighbours are busybodies,” Oriana said with a grimace. “But you seem to have a perfectly fine house right here. Far away from anybody that could want to check on us,” she teased him. 

He did. 

He looked at the house that he had bought over a year ago. 

Then it had just been to get away from Cassian and Nesta and the whole Elain thing. 

He had never even thought that he would get to bring his mate there. 

But now he did. 

The house that he had bought for himself suddenly seemed like it could be a place for both of them. 

A sanctuary. 

Removed from their day-to-day lives. He would still work for Rhys. Oriana would still have her shop and tinker away in the forge. 

But then, when it was the evening, they could both come home. They could cook in the kitchen or go swimming in the lake…or go to their bedroom and ignore everything that happened out of their little slice of peace. 

They could make it a home. They could fill it with warmth and happiness and nobody could tell them differently. 

“I…I want to show it to you,” Azriel finally said. “I want you to see it.” He wanted Oriana to www the house and think about their future there. 

“I thought you would never ask,” Oriana said with a grin. He couldn’t help but grin as well, as he pulled her to her feet, as she pressed a peck onto his cheek. 

He held her hand as they ambled along the shore, around the lake, towards the house. 

“I bought it nearly a year ago,” Azriel explained softly. “I was staying with my brother but he was freshly mated and…I didn’t really get much sleep,” he said with a sigh.

That was an understatement. 

Cassian and Nesta’s enthusiastic couplings had given him more than one sleepless night. 

And if they were quiet then his head had been swirling with thought of Elain and Lucien. And then…well, he had his usual nightmares that he always tended to have, one way or another and all of it had just been horrible. 

“They were loud?” Oriana wondered, sounding like she was biting back some amusement.

“Oh yes, they were,” Azriel said darkly, making her giggle. She had no idea how loud. 

“You could just enchant your doors, you know,” she teased him. 

Great. 

“Thanks for that suggestion, oh mighty Enchantress,” he gave back sarcastically, making her laugh even louder. 

“But them being loud was only half the problem,” he admitted. “I was happy for them. I really was but I also…I wanted what…I wanted what Cassian had. Both my brother found their mate just months apart. And there I was…I was…I told you about me being in love for 500 years? and then…the female that…”

“Chose her mate over you?” Oriana ended his sentence. “You did tell me about that.”

Yeah, he had. It was better to be honest with her about all of that. Better for her to hear all the bad parts. 

“All of that happened and…I wasn’t in a good place,” he admitted, as they reached the house. He helped her up the stairs to the front door, painted a bright cobalt blue. “This was…This was the only place I had where it was just me. Nobody else. Nobody that wanted anything from me, nobody that expected me to be anything…it was just me.”

Just him and his shadows. But even they had left him in peace if he requested that. Like right now. They didn’t like the rays of sunshine that much. 

Azriel had spent so much time sitting outside on the Veranda and watching the starry night sky. It had been…peaceful. 

Just him, in his house, with only the sounds of the lake and the forest surrounding him. 

“It was your safe space,” Oriana said softly and he nodded. It was. 

He opened the door. 

Oriran walked in and he wanted nothing more than to tattoo that view into his brain and never forget it. 

She was here. His mate was there, right there with him. 

He wanted to remember everything about that moment. From the damp hair that curled down her temples, to the way her eyes widened, how her braid swished behind her as she walked into the living room, the big windows at the back showing the lake in all its beauty. 

Somehow, she just completed it. 

“It’s beautiful,” Oriana breathed as she took in the light wood floors, the exposed beams at the ceiling, the view .

He saw it through her eyes now. He had fallen in love with the privacy and the place, where it was built. Near enough the center of Velaris but far enough outside that he had some peace and quiet.  

“Where is the furniture?” Oriana suddenly wondered and he grimaced. 

“There isn’t really any?”

She turned around, staring at him. 

“…Azriel, where did you sleep?” she asked him. 

“Mostly on the floor,” he admitted. The look of an utter nightmare on her face made him hurry to add: “I grew up in a cell, at least this has windows!” 

Suddenly he just knew that was the wrong thing to say. 

She opened her mouth to respond and then closed it again. “You know I have a lot of things to say about this but I somehow doubt that any of that is gonna change your opinion of why you shouldn’t sleep on the floor. So I am just going to say, that I am not going to sleep on the floor. I am a delicate princess and need my beauty sleep. In a proper bed. With at least 2 blankets and no less than 3 pillows.”

He blinked at that. It was true, her bed had absolutely been covered in pillows. He had just thought they were all decorative.  

“What, do you think I don’t?” Oriana questioned him, raising one sharp eyebrow and he couldn’t help but grin. 

“You are beautiful with or without your beauty sleep,” he promised her. “But if you want to absolutely cover our bed with blankets and pillows, you can do that too.”

“I’ll move in with you. If you get some furniture,” she told him pointedly, making him laugh and move so that he could hug her. 

“I thought maybe you were just going to bring yours with you,” he told her, pressing a kiss against her hair as he tucked her against his side. They could just rebuild her apartment in the house. That would be fine. The house was bigger so they absolutely would have the space for it. 

Even for all the weird metallic wall art she seemingly insisted on. 

Though now he wondered if that had some meaning that he wasn’t aware of. 

Oh well, he was sure that Oriana would educate him about all of it if he asked her. And he wanted to know. He wanted to know everything he could away with. 

She poked him in the ribs. “Be honest, you just want the ugly blanket,” Oriana told him sagely, making him laugh out loud. 

That absolutely horrible and ugly blanket that he adored, because she had made it and always wrapped him up in it after he came back from a mission. It was nearly as good as a hug from her. 

Yeah, he loved that stupid blanket. 

“It’s such a good blanket,” he agreed with her. The best. 

“Still if this is gonna be our home…we’ll need stuff that we picked out together ,” Oriana said seriously. “Like a new couch or something.”

That sounded nice. Making that place theirs. 

“I want table linens,” he mumbled in her hair, breathing in the scent of Jasmine that clung to her and she sounded utterly aghast.  

“You want table linens ,” she repeated. 

He just shrugged. He did. He really did. He wanted the stupidest, most domestic things that he could buy. Table Linens. In white. For their home, for their table, where they would eat dinner.  

“Alright, you can pick out table linens,” Oriana told him graciously. 

“I thought we should pick out stuff together,“ he complained half-heartedly. She rolled her eyes. 

“Apparently you have opinions about table lines that I don’t even know about. You are on your own with that, Sweetling.” 

[queen-of-writing-bad-things]

Henry Danger Reader Insert | Captain Man x Reader: SEASON 4

Episode 14: Captain Man-kini (SMUT)

*STARTING WITH A BANG. LITERALLY. MATURE, FILTH, SMUT, SINS, WHATEVER YOU CALL IT, IT STARTS FROM HERE UNTIL THE WARNING ENDS*

~The Man Cave~

Morning. Eight AM. Ugh. 

Ray awoke to a dimly lit room, his eyes blinking at how the lights had started to flicker to life since it was time for him to get up and start the day; a feature that Schwoz had installed after getting sick of replacing several alarm clocks in a week because the man didn't just silence them, he smashed them. Into a million pieces.

No, the genius had used his...genius to invent a lighting system that meant the lights would slowly brighten the room until they were glaring with the usual Man Cave extravagance that forced everyone out of bed and it was a good thing they did. Today was going to be a very special day and all for the wrong reasons. 

The operation had taken days or weeks to plan, every detail scrutinised and planned so methodically and meticulously that the Man Cave team were sure that nothing could go wrong because they knew every movement down to the letter. And it wasn't like they had any choice, desperate times call for desperate measures and try as they might find an easier and safer solution, this was their last option, the only thing that could be done to bring a scumbag to justice and a little old lady out of harm's way.

So, he had to get up. He needed to. Well, he needed to at some point in the next hour, at least. There was a reason the lights were timed to start working at eight and that was because Ray was a firm believer that seemingly bad days should be untangled with a hellishly good morning, something that stemmed from that old scientific nonsense about breakfast setting you up for the day. So he took that idea and ran with it, straight into the arms of his sweet, sweet girl since she was the one he wanted to wake up with and normally, he did. 

Day after day, morning after morning, sure as hell, Ray woke up with (y/n) in his arms, her head on his chest, one leg over his hips and more often than not, a mouthful of her hair because of how closely she snuggled into him at night. Yeah, she got close but he couldn't blame her for that, neither did he complain as he never pushed her away, quite the opposite really. 

Throughout their slumber, strong arms stayed around her waist and he nuzzled at the soft locks that tickled his cheek, so technically, the whole hair in his mouth thing was his fault, not that it mattered. 

They woke up happy and together, that was the important thing. Plus, more often than not, Ray being the teenager in an adult's body that he was, usually woke up hard or in the mood to play dirty in the best sense of the word, so all in all, mornings were usually blissful and some of the best hours they got to spend together since it was just them and no one else. Merely two lovers, waking up in each other's embrace and it was great...if that was what was happening.

Ray's eyes snapped open and his body tensed into rock when he realised that something was wrong. This wasn't a usual morning. There was no hair in his mouth, no nose hooked under his jaw, no lips butterflying across his collarbone, no leg slung over his waist. In short, no sweet girl was cuddling into his side as if her life depended on it, his arms were empty and he was on his own. That was rare, that seldom happened and it was a jolt to his system that chased away his sleepiness and brought his clarity back instantly. No sweet girl. Huh?

Feeling a stab of panic jab into his heart, his mind instantly fearing the worst since he was a superhero with a lot of enemies and today was the day they were bringing one of those bastards in to do a job, so for a second, he imagined that something had gone tragically wrong. Oh god, had his fiancée been kidnapped, tortured, murdered? Stolen from their bed and right under his nose? Whichever moron thought that taking his darling girl was a good idea, then they'd be regretting the day they crossed the line.

He sat up on his elbows, his movements jerky and full of alarm as he looked around the room with wide eyes, expecting to see evidence of a struggle or burglary or something equally terrible, but everything was calm. And then he looked to his left, and it all stopped. Jesus, talk about having a heart attack over nothing or making a mountain out of a molehill, because there she was, perfectly all right. Thank God for that.

Ray breathed a sigh of relief at seeing her healthy, safe and still in their bed, the one place he knew that she'd never come to harm because he was always there by her side, and he'd promised to protect her, always. 

Okay, panic over, nothing to worry about when it came to assassination and kidnapping, that was fine, but what was odd was how she was just laying there. Still. On her back, hands resting on her soft tummy and legs straight. Not moving apart from the occasional blink and the way she couldn't stop staring at it would make a person think that the ceiling was the most interesting thing in the world. 

Very odd, indeed. She'd deliberately unravelled their limbs and slipped out of his iron embrace at some point whilst he was still snoozing and that was unsettling because it could only mean one thing if Ray's knowledge of her was right and it usually was. Something was troubling her.

"Sweet girl...what are you doing awake?" Ray grumbled, his voice thick and heavy with sleep that crept back in since there wasn't an emergency anymore that required boundless energy, just his attention and his wondrous knack for making everything seem better by just flashing his grin. Whatever was bothering her then he'd get to the bottom of it, no matter how long it took him to worm it from her sealed lips. "Huh? Come on, tell me what's wrong..."

That made (y/n) sigh, her eyelids fluttering closed as he turned onto his side so his face could gaze at hers and an arm could sling itself over her waist. A small gesture that meant she couldn't squirm away and bottle everything up but it also provided some comfort, particularly when his thumb stroked over her hipbone and his head flopped onto the edge of her pillow. Honestly, she wanted to spill the beans, some reassurance would be nice from him, but would he want to hear it? They'd been over this so many times in the past few days...

"It's just... Look, do we have to do this? With him? You know what happened last time." (y/n) muttered quietly, trying not to sound too confrontational or accusing because she didn't feel that way. It was just caution, that's all, a fear that conjured up all sorts of scenarios where shit went wrong and she wound up with her fiancé irreparably damaged or an innocent granny seriously injured. So many thoughts where something horrible happened and she was left alone, as selfish as it sounded, she couldn't bear that, not after coming so close to having him forever.

"I know you don't like it and I know that you don't trust him. Believe me, I don't either, sweet girl, but this is the only way." Ray replied softly, increasing the movement of his hand by just a fraction so it was gliding over slightly more skin than before, but nothing more than the area surrounding her hipbone. No, he wanted to build up to something more sensual and just enjoy the softness of her body for a while, whilst also putting her mind at ease about what they were gonna be doing that day.

"Yeah, I get that. We have to save the day, no matter the cost, but...I don't want the cost to be you, doofus." She told him, lolling her head to the right so she could look into his eyes for the first time that morning and to her surprise, she found no anger. Well, that was...unexpected, she'd been anticipating that he'd be pissed off to be having the same conversation for the third time in twenty-four hours but no, his face held understanding and a softer, more vulnerable quality that she couldn't quite place. 

"What do you mean?" The hero asked, daring to fully drag his hand over her stomach just once before it returned to base, a move so seemingly innocent and minor that she didn't register it. Sort of like how he didn't register the nerves that coated her puzzling words because he was too busy enjoying every curve, bump and dip that his fingertips found on their journey. 

"I mean, what am I gonna do if I have to look at Frankini's face every time I want to talk to you? Or if I have to hear his stupid voice making stupid remarks every time I want to kiss you? What if you can't swap back?" (y/n) pondered, looking at him with those big sad eyes and suddenly, he understood her worry. 

It was a concern for him too; the notion that the reversal might not work and that would leave them with a hot body with an irritating asshole in it and a not-so-hot body with a loveable doofus trapped forever. But there would be only one resolution in that instance, if he was stuck in a weirdo's body for the rest of his life, despite Schwoz assuring him and her that nothing would go wrong. He'd never force her to put up with that, not even if the kindest solution would break his heart in the process.

"Then I'd let you leave so you could find a man who was the same person in body and soul. And I'd find a way to cope with being Frankini forever." Ray answered, swallowing the lump in his throat and instead, focused on watching his hand glide up her naked chest, fingertips tickling her ribcage and brushing against the underneath of her breast. 

She definitely noticed that move and had clocked on to what he was trying to do but she let him have it. When he spoke with such sadness, she didn't have the heart to push him away for so blatantly feeling her up and truthfully, the thought of being sent away stung her just as much.

"No. I'd find a way to cope with you being Frankini forever. Don't make me leave because I guarantee that I'd never find someone else." She said as if it was a promise and her eyes were blurred with tears when he pressed a kiss to her shoulder since she'd unknowingly saved his heart from cracking. Even though he'd been the one to suggest it, Ray knew that living as Frankini was one thing, but seeing her return the ring and leave to love another man would break him. Genuinely break him.

"What would I do without you, sweet girl?" He mumbled and knew that the question was more for him than her because he honestly had no clue what he'd end up like if he lost her, whether it be from a tragedy or through something more painful. Finally, his hand enveloped her right breast and the warmth from his hand settled into her skin as he gently squeezed it and watched the smile that tugged at her lips grow. He wanted to kiss those lips, more than anything now...

"Well, crash and burn probably. It's not like Schwoz can step in to be your pretty angel to take you towards the light." (y/n)'s teasing cut through the sad moment and opened it up to let in her laughter and his slightly embarrassed yet amused grin as he instantly knew what she was referring to. Ever since he'd gone all loopy in front of her and The Toddler, no one had let him live it down and whilst he stood by what he said about her being beautiful and whatnot, knowing that he'd been so mushy made him a tad shy.

"Hey! I was dying from dehydration and--y'know...you did--do look really pretty. And I don't even remember most of it, not until after the third glass of water anyway." Ray argued in a voice that was thick with his embarrassment and verged on being childlike. Still, even though his cheeks were dusted with pink, it didn't stop his mission. No, his eyes stayed trained on her chest, watching his fingers as they kneaded at her soft flesh, swiped over her nipple until it hardened into a peak and switched sides since the other one looked so lonely.

"Yeah, yeah...are you having fun there?" She asked in an amused voice when she decided that she couldn't ignore his wandering hands any longer, not when his touch was making her thighs quiver and heart rate quicken. The hero's eyes flickered from her gorgeous tits, smooth and perfect in the soft light, and back up to her face where he could see her slight smirk. Damn, he thought he'd get away with it for a bit longer, but when he thought about it, he much preferred being purposeful in his movements, each one perfectly calculated to draw out her pleasure, and the small sighs that fell past her lips weren't enough to satisfy him. Not even close.

"Definitely." Ray chuckled breathlessly when they shared the same look of amusement, only for hers to change to a shocked, scandalised and totally in love expression when the fingers that had been soft and gentle pinched her nipple, causing her to gasp sharply at the sudden pleasurable pain. He laughed at that, the way she looked at him as if she was trying to scold him for ruining such a sweet moment with his horniness, but deep down, he knew she loved it. Why else would she relax back into the pillows when his lips suddenly attacked her neck and he rolled over to straddle her?

"You know I love those noises you make, sweet girl. Fuck—I could listen to them all day," he groaned, mouthing at her neck as his hands stayed on her tits and squeezed them roughly. His words and his change in touch made her whine and push her chest out for more, something that caused him to growl when he felt her bend into his touch. Shit, she could feel him against her thigh, hard and leaking from an entire night spent pressed against her naked form with dreams of moments just like this plaguing his mind, and it only made her needier. 

Her core throbbed and became slicker when his lips trailed over her collarbones and sternum, stopping only to take each nipple into his mouth just once with another pinch or two just to hear her squeak out a moan. He didn't stop there, Ray was a man on a mission and her breathing became laboured when he continued his path down her body, nipping his teeth as he passed her belly button and reached what he'd been longing for. 

Unable to stop himself, he pressed a kiss to her clit when he saw how wet she was already, clenching around nothing even though he'd barely touched her and seeing her so damn desperate sent blood the pounding in him straight down south.

"Ray, need you now. Fuck the foreplay, I'd rather you fuck me." (y/n) whined, not caring if she sounded cheesy or unbelievably needy, she just felt so empty without him over her and filling her empty pussy. His breath tickled her thighs as he held them open, eyes flickering over what he had longed claimed as his before his dilated pupils met hers and by god, he looked feral. Lips parted and moistened from her slick and how his tongue had darted out to taste it, something which was like her honeyed kiss only much sweeter - and he was addicted in the same way, unwilling to give up a chance to eat her out when she was spread open for him like a goddamn feast.

"Dirty little girl. You think I'm gonna risk my life before tasting this pretty little cunt one last time?" He snarled, smirking when the utter filth that fell from his lips made her hips shift closer to his mouth for much-needed relief, despite it not being the thing she craved. If he had to be Frankini, then he'd do it, but not before feeling her small frame writhe against his because he highly doubted that she'd ever accept that freak's body into her bed. And if Frankini even thought about slipping in to give her some "comfort", steal those moans and begs that were only his to hear, then he'd wish that he'd never been born.

With no reply, just a sigh and a frantic nod, Ray made his move and ate her out like a man starved, going on and on for what felt like hours. Fuck, he did everything for her, licked, kissed and sucked at her clit to make her squeal and run her hands through his hair, lapping at her soaked folds and drinking in what he could only describe as nectar, so fucking sweet. 

Okay, now she was beginning to regret wanting to skip this part because nothing felt better than this; spreading out on the king-sized mattress with the comforter thrown to the floor and letting him plunge his tongue into her pussy with not a care in the world, just exploring the silky walls that he already knew so well and seeing what he could do to make her tug at his hair.

He already knew her body so well, having spent many nights mapping out everything about her and rewriting the sensations that she'd learnt through the touch of either her own or someone else's hand. The others who'd been given the privilege were forgotten the minute he'd gotten on his knees and worshipped her like she was an altar, making her cum harder than anyone else had been able to before because he was desperate for her cries and was adamant that she'd cum before he got to fuck her. 

That's how they often ended up in this situation; him needing to taste what he'd been missing for so long and her taking it since he was too talented to stop. The fact that he could make her breathless in a matter of seconds astounded her and she didn't know whether she should find the women he'd honed his skills with to thank them or skewer them. But she couldn't be mad, not when she was the one in his bed every night and hearing the garbled groan of her name when he came from her touch and her touch alone.

And then all at once, it crept up on her, the knot in her stomach suddenly pulling tight as he returned to her clit and brought it into his hot mouth with a strong suck. She swore that she saw stars when he did something exquisite with his tongue that made her grow restless, sweaty and desperate to release as a strong hand came to settle on her hips so he could keep her in place. 

The other tentatively drifted down her thigh and prodded at her entrance, tantalisingly teasing her for a brief moment before pushing forward and giving her something to squeeze around as she yanked at his soft, chocolate-brown locks.

"—shit, gonna cum—" was the only thing she could gasp as the orgasm seized her and wrung out her pleasure with a cry at the ceiling she had previously been staring at, Ray licking at whatever she gave him in return for prolonging the shockwaves as she came hard. Shaking and whimpering, he didn't let up, wanting to taste whatever he could as he rocked his own hips against the mattress, rutting for whatever friction and relief her could find from the bedsheets as the sight of her sobbing with her head thrown back sent his instincts to take her into overdrive.

"So pretty when you cum, sweet girl—and it's all for me, isn't it? So fucking wet and dripping for me, no one else..." Ray grunts, quickly shifting so he was kneeling between her legs, the head of his cock nudging at her entrance as he took a moment to gather some of her obscene wetness with his fingers. 

He couldn't help but wrap that hand around his cock to slowly jerk off with her slick coating him as she panted and watched as he tilted his head back, swearing under his breath when his tip leaked at the thought of actually feeling her tightness around him; an echo of the nights where he could all but dream about how sweet and soft her pussy would be, how good she'd taste and whether he'd ever be able to fuck her long and hard. 

"Please, please—-need your cock in me, please, fill me up—" It was like they were the magic words for him to snap back into reality. He didn't need to imagine what being with her would be like, not now—he had her gasping beneath him and hooking her legs around his hips so her dripping cunt could press against his thighs and practically beg for more, more, more. 

His body was screaming to just keep fisting his cock faster, harder, to allow the ache in his balls to release for this seductress in front of him but then he thought about how much better it would be to get to unload with her fluttering walls around him and her screams muffled by his kisses as he pinned her to his bed. Yeah, that was better.

"Fuck, you know I can never say no to you, little girl." Ray grinned as he stilled his rapid jerking and grasped at her soft thigh so he could hold her still as his blunt head lined up at her soaked entrance, fully recovered from the devastating orgasm that had ripped through her only moments before and ready for whatever he'd give her. 

Pressing forward, a long groaned and a sweet moan resounded in the room as his cock slid past her tight walls, warmth enveloping him so perfectly that he stilled for a moment before he started the thrusts that he so desperately craved, warm thighs pressed against her ass. God forbid he lost control and finished like a teenager after working so hard to get her so needy and sensitive for him. Only him.

A few seconds had passed before he finally drew back his hips, prompted by a bratty whine from his girl that left his eyes darker and one hand pawing at her tits as he picked up a brutal pace, one that stole the air from her throat. 

He began pounding into her, leaving her chest alone so he could lean on his forearm next to her head as he panted above her and used her body as a counterweight to his thrusts, so fucking thick and strong and powerful, so powerful the bed rattled against the wall from how her body pushed back against his. She couldn't tell if she was breathing, wanting to scream and whine and whimper and moan all in one, but then, she decided that she was content with choked, silent gasps, because otherwise, she wouldn't be able to hear him whispering under his breath.

"Swee—sweet girl. My sweet girl," he murmured, leaning down to brush his lips against her forehead as he kept thrusting harder, sweat trickling down his forehead from the exertion, and it was an unusually gentle, sweetly intimate gesture from a man who could be considered animalistic from the way his hold was bruising or how his hips slapped against her thighs at an inhumane speed. 

It caught her off guard and anchored her at the same time, spreading a wildfire through her core as his lips caught hers for a brief moment before being torn away by his need to growl out her name once more—and mindless ramblings that came from how his mind was filled by nothing but the pleasure she gave him...and his love for her.

"D—don't de—deserve you, fuck, don't know what I did t-to deserve t-this," Ray whispered to himself, so quiet that she nearly missed it, but she didn't and it made her heart swell. Finally, her lungs were filled with air as she managed to stop for a split second and gasp a desperate, ragged mouthful, grinding and taking whatever she needed from his cock since it made her walls clench around him most deliciously. It wasn't much, but it was enough for her to be able to string a semi-coherent sentence together, enough to give him a reply that would hopefully make her burst with love in the same way he'd done to her.

"—always gonna love you, sweet—heart—want to marry you and—never—leave," she choked, lifting her head up to try and peck at his lips as she said it, something that seemed counterproductive and perfect at the same time, "wanted—you for so long, want to be your w-wife—forever—" and then her pussy clamped down around him like a vice when he shot down and swallowed her loving words with a hungry kiss. 

Their mouths moved in sync for a few minutes or an eternity, they weren't sure, the only thing that tore them apart was a strong snap of his hips that left her howling, head thrown back and him sinking his teeth into her neck from the sight of the exposed flesh that was just begging for his mark.

It wouldn't stay, he never got to see the bruises left by his iron grip or wandering mouth, they'd always healed up long before the light of day touched her skin in the same way that she'd never see any evidence of how her nails raked down his back, but that was okay. They couldn't bring themselves to care about their lovemaking leaving no trace as he continued to plunge into her heat over and over and over again until she was cumming again—hard.

With a hoarse shout and fingernails digging into her shoulders, so hard that they could draw blood that would never show, her walls clenched and coated him with more slickness, even though it didn't seem possible to be able to make his last few thrusts that much easier. Squeezing and spamming around her lover as he guided her through the intensity of it all, going higher and higher as he felt his own end starting to creep in, but he wasn't quite done, not yet, not when his filthy mind was set on seeing her so utterly ruined for just a little while longer.

"Shit—shit—", he snarled into her neck, and then he suddenly kicked up from the rapid slapping that got her over the edge to a surging, goddamn brutal bam—bam—bam that snatched sharp, ragged cries from her throat. Overwhelmed by the agonisingly delicious change in pace, her face screwed up and she tried not to scream at the sensation, wondering how he could make the bliss even more debilitating. "Fuck, th—your cunt gets... s-so fucking tight when you cum—"

Feeling breathless from his words, she whimpered for him—only him— helplessly, listening to the vulgar sounds of him fucking into her, the loud squelching as he kept rocking mercilessly deep.

"You hear that?" He mumbled next to her ear, and the slick sound of it echoed obscenely through the silent room, four walls that had witnessed the evolution of them whispering secrets and jokes as best friends to lovers in the throes of passion. His voice was soft, contrasting blindingly with the way he held her down and fucked her so strong and steady through the aftershocks, loving the way she whined from how sensitive she'd become, like putty in his hands. "Fuck—you get fucking wet after you cum, too, don't you?"

She tried to move, tried to adjust herself or wriggle out of his hold from how her pussy fluttered and tightened uncontrollably, giving her an overload of pleasure that was so unbearable and so fucking good. She just lied back and took it, knowing that her body would never forgive her brain for pushing him away when he was shoving her closer and closer towards the cliff edge that she'd already tumbled from twice. He just kept dragging her back up again and again, making her jump headfirst into becoming a whining, needy slobbery mess that could barely breathe.

"'M never leaving this—could never—'m never leaving, sweet girl—," Ray groaned, his words slurring into one string of words that sounded clumsy and garbled as they fell from his lips, but even still, despite them being the ramblings of a man drunk of how fucking tight she was on his dick, they were all she could focus on. Their foreheads were pressed together as he kept mumbling, chanting like he was whispering a prayer just for her ears. "My girl, gonna be my—wife, never, never leaving...never fucking leav—"

"Fuck—fuck, Ray, I..I'm gonna—" (y/n) purred into his hairline as electricity crept up her spine and sent her core molten, burning and burning, her mind trying to focus on the feeling so she could grasp it in both hands and succumb to the burn. But then, a long, soft stroke of a tongue glided down her neck and it was like a spark to touch-paper, igniting her for the third time and sending her hurtling and crying out in satisfied desire. She could feel his proud, smug face pressed under her jaw and if she wasn't on cloud fucking nine then she'd probably flip him over to teach him a lesson, make him feel the same debilitating sense, but she was too spent, spasming and arching her back as he drove his cock into her further.

"Knew you had one more in you...needed to see it one last time, sweet girl." He told her proudly, feeling his desires satiated for the time being now that she was limp against the pillows but still looking at him with the same big, round eyes that were far from innocent contrary to their appearance. Fuck, they made him falter, his hips stuttering in small half-thrusts for just a second and he knew that he was close—too close and there was one thing left to decide. "Fuck, quick—tell me where you want my cum, sweet girl, tell me—"

"Stomach—wanna see your cum coating me so I'll remember it when Frankini and Goomer try to butter me up..." Her reply was instantaneous, not a doubt in her mind about whether she wanted something subtle, intimate and just between the two of them, or something messy, vulgar and clear as to who got to say that they were hers. Damn right, she didn't want them, she'd chosen him and in her mind, it only seemed right that she made that known to anyone who came too close.

"Shit—dirty, dirty girl, if only they knew how fucking—dirty you are..." He roared at the image of something so crude that he'd pushed it to the back of his mind for a long time since he'd always thought that someone as perfect as fucking royalty, a goddamn queen, would never lower themselves into the same filth that swarmed around his mind. But it seemed like she was just as scandalous as he was, more so when he rocked her hips into each one of his thrust, which increased tenfold from his pace before, which didn't seem possible until he ploughed ahead with the clear sign that he was loosening his reigns.

"Fuck—fuck...cumming, gonna cum, fuuuuck, sweet girl—" Ray gritted his teeth as his hips halted immediately before he tore them away from her body and grinded his throbbing cock against the soft, smooth skin of her tummy, feeling it pulse and go rigid as hot, pearly cum splattered over her navel. She whimpered as she sat up on her elbows to see it paint her, making her cunt twitch at the sight of his eyes screwed shut and his fists clenching the pillow under her head so hard his knuckles turned white, his body only relaxing once he'd released one final groan of her name and drained his balls of all they had to offer.

For a minute or two, or maybe more, who knows, they said nothing, just panted into the warm, clinging air as they tried to stop the thundering of their hearts and their lungs' need for more oxygen than they were able to take in, but eventually, they calm down and got a grip on reality again. They settled into a relaxed atmosphere, Ray hovering over her body still, although he'd visibly slumped and arched into her frame since he didn't have the energy to stay strong. Still, he ensured that he kept his full weight off of her, mindful of the sinful mess he'd made on her lower half.

"I love you, doofus." (y/n) was the first to speak, whispering the three little words so sweetly as she lazily ran her finger through his cum, uncaring about the vulgarity of the act since he'd probably carry her to the bathroom to clean up in a matter of minutes, but for now, she was just too blissed out to care about anything but him and the claims they'd staked on each other.

"I love you too, sweet girl. So much." Ray smiled as they shared a sweet kiss, his hands cupping her face as they just took the time to feel one another and taste the mint-bubblegum-honey combination with no real aim or drive, just two lovers tangled up in bed and trying to convey how strongly they felt. 

It was funny how truthful they got when her legs were locked around his waist, some of the confessions they said were deemed too soppy or raw and honest for sober conversations, but when drunk on love and lust, it didn't matter. They didn't change their feelings to make it match the moment, they just lost the lock they secured on them, allowing them to be spoken within the sanctity of their bed, which was limited but that was okay. Serene moments like that were seized at every opportunity.

"So...round two in the shower?" Ray didn't know the meaning of the word "tiredness", but then again, neither did (y/n). She didn't dare learn the definition, not when he matched her mischievous grin and pulled her towards the door, butt naked and acting like himself, not a hero or a celebrity. He wanted to just be them, a moment where the world could wait to be saved because Ray Manchester wanted to make love to his future wife—how could she say no to that?

*MAMMA MIA, THAT WAS A SPICY MEATBALL. LO SIENTO MUCHO, MIS INOCENTES, YOU ARE NOW SAFE FROM THAT FILTH (i'm so going to hell)*

~Later that morning~

Hours after their vigorous start, Ray and (y/n) had finally found the energy to drag themselves from their room, not bothering to wear their civilian clothes, they just went for their super suits as soon as they left the steam-filled bathroom. Now, she felt more at ease with what they were about to do, knowing that he loved her no matter what was thrown their way, not even Schwoz and Henry's agitated and disgusted stares as they emerged from the sprocket with wide grins. 

Oh yeah, it's not like no one in the Man Cave hadn't noticed what they were up to, and the kid had been there for an hour, sitting through the pain with the genius as they twiddled their thumbs. To spare their blushes, Ray and (y/n)'s bedroom had longed been soundproofed, most of the rooms were just to be on the safe side since they were known for their spontaneity, but still, it was late and Henry had been at work for over an hour before he had sight or sound of them. 

He'd been in this position before and knew that they were animals, straight-up animals that weren't ashamed, just giggling and blushing as they left up the tubes to go and break into Swellview Prison—an odd practice for three superheroes since they were the ones who put most of the criminals in there but they were just looking for one. 

A long streak of frills, glitter and pure irritation, who irked Ray the minute they pried open his cell to sneak him and his moronic helper out the back way, not because he was going against every fibre of his morals, well, maybe a bit of that, but because he knew that the minute he laid eyes on his sweet girl, Frankini would be all over her like a rash. He'd flutter his eyebrows, call her, ugh, sweetie, and do everything in his power to perhaps sway her into joining his side, Goomer too, although he was much more clumsy and less subtle than his boss. Still, none of it would work, (y/n) simply rolled her eyes at the thought as they shoved them into sacks, ready to be sent down to the Man Cave for the fateful experiment but it was clear that Ray was annoyed, otherwise, he wouldn't have insisted on them sharing a tube when there were two available.

"Y'know, every time he calls me that, it makes me hate him even more, not the other way around." The woman reassured him as they dropped down together, waiting for Henry to send down the sacks so they could make sure that Frankini didn't pull anything the moment he landed. Unable to stop himself, Ray pressed a kiss to her cheek and squeezed her in his arms for a moment before letting her out of his embrace, holding her hand as they trotted down the few steps leading from the tube's pads. Well, he stomped, too pissed off at how Frankini had picked up on her sweetness but was using completely the wrong name for her.

Sweetie didn't fit her right; it was too childish, condescending in a way, not befitting a woman who was often smarter than everyone in the room and Ray didn't like the way the criminal always said it with a slight giggle, not the love he tried to pour into every utterance, something he remembered from the last time they'd encountered him. She was a sweet girl, his sweet girl and if that pathetic excuse for a celebrity made one wrong move and tried to take her away from him, take her sweetness all for himself then there would be hell to pay.

"I know, sweet girl, I just...I hate the way he thinks he has a chance with you." Ray confessed, screwing his nose up at the thought of losing her to some two-bit prick in high heels. He knew that she'd never even considered jumping ship and becoming his right-hand woman, his partner in crime but Frankini was an expert at getting under people's skin and now, he was coming into the Man Cave. This day was going to go brilliantly.

"Yeah, that's what he thinks. He's never gonna get to see it happen though, because Miss Danger is already very happy with Captain Man, so tell Henry to bring them down here so we can get this over with." She told him softly, gently grabbing his chin between her forefinger and thumb so their lips could meet gently, a sensation they couldn't seem to get enough of as in just a few minutes, she'd probably be too repulsed to think about it - something she had previously thought impossible.

"Right...okay, kid. Send 'em down." Ray sighed and passed the message onto Henry, giving her hand one last squeeze as both tubes fell and delivered two brown sacks into the room, the usual method for bringing outsiders in, although these two weren't welcome in any way, shape or form. It felt wrong to have even brought them there and there was always a security risk when entertaining two criminals, but they had to, so the couple sucked it up and strutted over to the men as they tumbled to the floor without the tubes to hold them up.

"All right, let's get you two sacks off the platform," Ray growled as he and his sweet girl each grabbed a sack, him going for Goomer since he was taller and heavier, and it only seemed right that he did all the heavy lifting since he was already putting her through a strain. She didn't like any of this, but she was putting on a brave face and it made his heart soar as they yanked them down the steps, not caring if they had any bruises from the bumpy ride. Once they were on the smooth tiles of the floor, the left tube dropped again, this time bringing Henry down since he'd done his role and handled them up top. This was a three hero job and he wasn't about to let Frankini run rings around Ray and (y/n).

"Hey, we did it!" He exclaimed as he saw the squirming sacks on the ground and heard the shrill chirping and dull booming that only belong to a criminal mastermind and his dumb friend. Yeah, that was them all right and boy, Ray did not look pleased to have them in his Man Cave, probably because Frankini made him all jealous and protective in a prickly manner. Doofus.

"Yep. Come on, help us get them out of these things." (y/n) sighed, knowing that the moment the two saw where they were then the real torture was gonna begin and she didn't want to have to spend all day or even several days with her boyfriend split into two with bits of irritating asshole sprinkled in between, but this wasn't about her. She wasn't (y/n) (y/l/n) at that moment, she was Miss Danger and Miss Danger wasn't allowed to let her feelings muddy her duties to the city and its citizens. "All right, okay."

"Come on, get up! Get up!" Ray growled as he manhandled Frankini and ripped the sack down his body, Henry and (y/n) doing the same to Goomer, although they didn't have the strength to lift to his feet, so they just pulled the itchy material away from his face. The lights were bright as they finally saw the secret headquarters of Captain Man and his sidekicks and the moron was able to pull himself up since he wasn't smart enough to prettily hold a grudge. Frankini, however, was.

"Don't touch me!" He spat as he wiggled his hips to shimmy the sack down his body, revealing that he'd added his own personal twist to the orange nastiness that was Swellview Prison's criminal uniform. It was cropped, bejewelled and glamorised in a way that only he could pull it off because being garishly flamboyant was his thing. Now, who was the asshole who'd thrown a bag over his head and dragged him from his cell as he was singing a rendition of his favourite musical song? Who dared to attack Frankini in his own personal theatre that was a five-metre square shithole? Hmmm?

"Captain Man? Kid Danger? Sweetie?!" And there it was. Ray clenched his jaw as the stupid nickname fell from the man's lips like he was seeing his BFF for the first time in forever, eyes twinkling as he took in her radiance and fabulosity. 

Still perfect and fashion-forward, Frankini knew that Miss Danger never lost her style and he longed to have her all to himself, away from that crime against all things tasteful that was her boyfriend—wait, no, fiancé. Seriously, he goes to jail for five minutes and all of a sudden, his favourite superheroine is getting married to someone as abhorrent as him? Ugh, he had all the luck, but at least she was standing there—tightly holding hands with Captain Man—but she still looked amazing, regal, stunning, and nothing like that halfwit he'd been bunking with for the last however many months. "And I'm Goomer!"

"I know who you are. Where are we? What is this place?" Frankini scolded his dimwitted assistant as he took a look around the Man Cave and all it had to offer; the machines, the lights, the pulsating energy that filtered through tubes and crystals and circuits that illuminated the room, all the equipment nestled into the hard rock that had been chiselled away with pinpoint precision, not to mention the decor that screamed Captain Man with its red and blue accents.  You'd think it would be obvious where they were, given that there was a very specific, well-known logo plastered everywhere, but still, Goomer wasn't known for his great thoughts. "It looks like we're inside the nose of a gigantic robot."

"No, you're in the Man Cave." Henry corrected him, thinking that his wild imagination was insane, if pretty cool to think about. The kid could practically feel the tension rolling off of Ray's body and he prayed that (y/n) had enough willpower to keep him calm, perhaps if she kept holding his hand, he'd be too focused on her to care about whatever teasing comment the guy tried to get away with.

"And we got you out of jail and brought you here because..." Ray started, feeling bile rise in his throat as his words got stuck there. He could barely admit it to himself, let alone say it out loud; needing to turn to a criminal because he couldn't manage on his own, the one looked at his fiancée like she was another accessory to go on his arm, a designer handbag or a priceless ring, something that would shine for him and bring him attention, but still a material object and not the beautiful person he knew she was. It made him sick, the whole lot.

"We want your help." (y/n) said from behind gritted teeth, trying to keep her face neutral but polite at the same time, although it was very hard when he looked her up and down. Damn, she really did have good style, those boots, that skirt, did she design it herself? Those were the rumours and sweet lord, she looked good, nearly as good as Frankini himself. Captain Man, however, looked like a flabby sack of shit tied up in the middle in comparison, basically nowhere near the standard that the ex-celeb attached to someone who'd fit into his clique perfectly.

"Oh, what? Wanna help you lose a few pounds? Get into shape?" Frankini suggested, looking at the man with a smug, shit-eating grin as he crossed a line. Rude much? 

Just because he was puny and pathetic did not mean that Captain Man was fat, by no means; he was thick, yeah, but that was pound after pound of solid muscle that could break a man's face in one punch and even if he did carry a little bit of extra weight, it wouldn't matter. In (y/n)'s eyes, Ray was perfect, no matter how he looked and she knew that he was sensitive about how he was turning his formally pristine body into a slightly softer but still lethal fighting machine. Age affected everyone and even though she still drooled over every inch of chiselled power that laid beneath his skin, knowing that Frankini was deliberately picking on him, and on her behalf of all things, really pissed her off.

"Do not call my fiancé fat!" She shrieked, lunging for the small guy with her nails bearded and her lips twisted into a snarl and Henry and Ray had to act sharpish as she moved to dive on the criminal, who sought safety in Goomer's arms. They clawed her back, kicking and screaming to shave off his hair, pluck out his false eyelashes and rip off his balls as he stood there with a terrified yet satisfied smirk like he hadn't expected her to lash out but was equally impressed with the fire in her eyes. Feisty, he liked it...but he wasn't overly fond of how Kid Danger pushed her into Captain Man's arms to cool down. 

"Calm down, sweet girl—calm down!" Ray soothed her with the gentlest tone as Henry shielded them with his back, throwing a glare over his shoulder at how the criminal was seemingly enjoying the outburst. His gloved hands stroked at her cheek and petted her hair as her flaming cheeks pressed against his chest, which gave her a chance to hear his heartbeat and slow her breathing. He wasn't fat, Frankini was just a prick and she sniffed when she thought about how she just wanted to shield him from anything that would drag him down further because she knew that he already had doubts and fears swimming around in the funny little head of his, she didn't want anymore. "You good?"

"I'm good, I'm fine...honest. One more word out of the weenie called Frankini, though and I won't be held responsible for my actions." She growled, glaring at the man with a furious expression as Goomer rocked him like a baby and his smirk retreated for now. He knew he didn't stand a chance when Captain Man had his arms circling her waist and his lips pressed against her forehead, whispering heartwarming bullshit to get her to let it go and just focus on how he didn't care what Frankini had to say about him. He placed importance on the people who cared about him, starting with her and if he was able to get her writhing underneath him with nothing more than his touch, then he was doing something right, and that was good enough for him.

"Chill, M-D..." Henry told her as Ray loosed his arms but kept a grip around her waist just in case she decided to turn him into mincemeat again, plus, he just liked having her close. The thumb on her hipbone, stroking over the satin that covered her skin, was a warning to Frankini that he could try his best, he could offer her money, fame and jewels but it wouldn't work. He'd gotten there first, fell in love with her and given her a jewel of his own, one that sat on her finger when she wasn't kicking ass, so, he needed to back off. "Listen, we brought you here, 'cause we want your help catching a criminal."

"Hmmm, well, what criminal?" Frankini asked, curious as to whom they were referring to. He hopped out of Goomer's arms as the heroes pushed one of their digital whiteboards in front of him, him practically standing toe to toe with Captain Man as he gave him a harsh glare. That gave Frankini roll his eyes and he yanked his controller out from his utility belt and pointed it at the board, which had been previously used for some of (y/n)'s mathematical doodles. Y'know, just finding the volume and density of certain shapes, their circumference and mass if she added some hypothesis to what situation they were in, and it was just her exercising her mind, so she didn't mind him flicking on the hidden screen. "Go Bro."

"Oh, I know Go Bro," Frankini giggled as the photo of an immature, laddish man flickered onto the board. He looked like he was in his mid to late twenties and most people would think that he held some kind of responsibility and maturity that came with age, but oh no, not this jerk. He was infamous for being like a dickhead teenager, rude, dumb and uncaring, pulling pranks and doing dangerous stunts that often verged on being illegal because of how they pulled in viewers, only this time, he really had gone too far.

" Yes. We know you know Go Bro." (y/n) spat, feeling her irritation rise again as he gazed at her and her friends with an amused smile as if he already had an inkling as to what they were going to ask him. How she was going to cope with seeing him all day was beyond her, and it didn't get any better when Goomer and his stupidity were slotted into the problem. "Who's Go Bro? Does he have a yo-yo?"

"No," Henry replied, beginning to feel the same prick of annoyance as the man shuffled from foot to foot excitedly. Dear god, it was gonna be a long day, especially since he didn't stop there, he just going. "Does he eat fro-yo?"

"No." Ray's voice was curt and blunt as his hand tightened on his girl's hip as the man, whose brain size obviously didn't echo the proportions of the rest of his body, kept asking dumb questions just because Go Bro's name happened to rhyme with a few things. Seriously, he could've spent all day in bed with his sweet girl instead of doing this shit, he could have carried on until she was begging for mercy, but noooo, he was a superhero, he did the right thing and he wasn't allowed to punch people in the face when he needed their boss's help. "Is his dog named Toto?"

"What is the matter with you? Have you had your brain reprogrammed or something?" (y/n) groaned and stared at him with fury and seriousness in her eyes. Did he have a condition that made him an annoying idiot or was he just naturally that stupid? She honestly couldn't tell but she knew one thing; if Ray's hand wasn't around her waist and anchoring her to his side then she might have jumped on the man just because he was wasting their time and driving her up the walls. 

"Doctor says I don't have to tell you that," Goomer replied awkwardly, getting all quiet and reserved like he had some big secret to hide but it only made them more infused. Okay, something was definitely up with him, but Frankini couldn't be bothered to get into it and as usual, he had to be the one to explain things to him. "Go Bro is this guy who makes super dangerous videos and then he posts them online so he can get millions of views."

"That's right." "But this time, Go Bro's gone too far." Henry and Ray nodded before turning back to the board that still had the photo of the man in question displayed on it. Anyone who threw up a double Shaka sign and stuck their tongue out was definitely a frat boy dummy and (y/n) dreaded to think what was gonna happen if they didn't find him in time because his video was particularly worrying. "Yeah, look at what he posted yesterday."

"What's up, bros?! And lady-bros?! It's me, your boy, Go Bro!! Woo, yeah, baby! And I'm coming to you from right here in my secret bro-cation! Ah, woooo! And look it, look who I got here! Tell 'em your name!" The stupidly hyper man squeaked into the camera like he'd had too many energy drinks and the heroes shared a grimacing look with one another when he tugged a kind-looking old lady into the frame, a huge, friendly smile on her face as she looked into the newfangled doohickey. "I'm Grandma Sullivan."

"Grandma Sullivan...and I found her in a train station" "Does the train come this way?" "Yeah, whatever! Now, check out my channel tomorrow afternoon and you're gonna see Grandma Sullivan go on a downhill ride at about ninety-five miles an hour! Wooo! Extreeeeeme! Don't forget to like and subscribe! Five stars, arghhhhh!" The video ended with Go Bro looking into the camera with a crazed, excited expression, one that was the opposite of Grandma Sullivan's terrified face as Ray paused the video once they'd all heard his insane plan. That poor, little old lady, she'd probably have a heart attack and die once she got past the fifty miles-an-hour point, so by ninety-five she'd be a definite goner, something the supers couldn't let happen, not for a dumb viral video.

"We gotta find Go Bro, stop him and rescue Grandma Sullivan," Ray told Frankini as he walked over to the side of the screen, ensuring that he tugged his sweet girl behind him since he didn't trust the criminal not to sneak in beside her and take his place. Yeah, like that would ever happen, his puny ass could never replace him, he was a goddamn superhero and not to mention, really fucking hot.

"Wow! That's super interesting! And exactly, how am I supposed to help you boys and my sweetie do that?" The Crimean asked in his usual, over-the-top, condescending, stupidly irritating manner. He did a goddamn leap into the air and twirled his head as if he was in a ballet show or something as he got closer to the couple, making them and Henry stand straighter. The kid didn't want his boss to snap, he could see how his muscles, not flab, tensed as Frankini dared to get closer to (y/n), smiling at her in particular and then tapping a finger into her chest on one of his consonants. He touched her, he must have a death wish...

"Simple. You and I are gonna temporarily swap bodies." Ray replied flatly, feeling his fingers itch to punch him in his stupid face as his girl recoiled from the jab to her sternum, the exact spot where his lips had worshipped her skin only hours before. He wouldn't be able to do that once his conscience was in Frankini's head, he knew that his sweet girl would be pulled in both directions but wouldn't be able to make a move because his body would still be perfect but she wasn't going to give that asshole any of her touch, but neither did she like the idea of kissing Frankini even when he wasn't Frankini. It was complicated and it sucked.

"Swap bodies?!" "Temporarily?"

"Yeah, yeah, you're both correct." (y/n) frowned, folding her arms across her chest to show her displeasure at ripping her boyfriend apart. They were completely different people in every sense and seeing someone as manly as Ray in Frankini's not so manly body, and seeing someone as flamboyant as Frankini in Ray's more subtle frame was gonna be a challenge. She liked Ray as a whole, the entire package, anything that he came with she loved it, even if some things were more difficult than others and Frankini, well, she saw nothing in him. Nada. Zilch. He wasn't a doofus, he wasn't hot, he didn't know everything about her and he certainly didn't treat her in the right way.

"Oh, by...body swap, you mean you, Captain Man, would be in my body and I, Frankini, would be in your body?" The celebrity asked as he pranced around and danced like it wasn't weird at all and hearing it out loud didn't make it any better. No one needed a reminder, not Henry, not (y/n) and certainly not Ray, who wasn't thrilled about being taken away from his sweet girl and placed into a form that she repulsed. "Yes, indeed."

"You're catching on." "Yes, I hate the idea, please don't rub it in." Henry and (y/n) added, confirming his suspicions and Frankini broke out into a huge grin at how they needed him of all people to save some little old lady. Captain Man must've been desperate to want to hand over his precious face, the one that was loved by his equally precious girlfriend, to him, and that made him happy, but then again, what about his precious face? "Oh!...No."

"Okay, Frankpini, we "respect" your decision." The woman replied to his blunt rejection of what wasn't really an offer, more like a demand, but it didn't matter. She shared a smirk with Henry and Ray as she made out that cared about the opinions and thoughts of the criminal who tried to enslave them and expose their identities just for a world record, but in reality, they were getting his body, one way or another.

"Thank you, sweetie. Now, I'm hungry, so—ugh..." For someone who was below a guest in their home, he wasn't afraid to start making demands and as such, Ray had no worries or qualms in taking out his laser and pinging a small green blast at Frankini's chest, causing the guy to immediately fall unconscious since that one laser was more than enough to shut down his tiny body. His knees buckled and Ray reluctantly caught him since he needed to get into his body without it being damaged, so letting him fall to the floor wouldn't have been a smart move. Funny? Yes. Satisfying? Definitely. Worth the trouble of him living through the pain once they'd made the swap? Perhaps not.

"All right, kid, sweet girl, I better hurry up and swap bodies with Frankini before he wakes up," Ray grunted as he dragged Frankini across the floor, heading for the tubes since that's where Schwoz had said that they were gonna be able to do the swapping process thing. Speaking of Schwoz, where was the bald little weirdo? He'd been around the place somewhere, so had Charlotte since they'd both needed a disguise for meeting Frankini, who couldn't see their true faces. Ray laid the man down next to the steps, ready for hauling up them when the time was right and Henry, being the good sidekick he was, decided to make himself useful as (y/n) pushed the whiteboard away. "Okay, I'll go get Schwoz."

"Hey! Hey, wait a minute! Frankini's my boss and he said no to body-swapper idea, so I'm not just gonna stand here and let y'all do it!" Goomer protested, getting all teary when he thought about the mean superheroes ganging up on his friend, even if he did treat him horribly sometimes. Okay, big, blubbering buffoon on their hands, what was the best strategy in this situation? Who could deal with a baby in an orange jumpsuit? Send in (y/n), she was an expert when it came to handling a man-child, having nearly eleven years of experience under her belt.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey...big guy, hey, calm down—," she tentatively stepped up to him as if she was approaching a wounded animal, her voice low and soothing as she reached out her hand to place it onto his arm. Goomer jerked back at her gentle touch, thinking it was a trick or something because even though Frankini liked her, she was still a superhero and they were supposed to be his enemies—Frankini said so. "Hey! It's okay, I'm not gonna hurt you...I just wanna ask—do you like baked potatoes?"

"Well, sure!" Goomer's reply was quick and his eyes lit up at the sound of food, which must have been a trait of all man-children because Ray could often be bribed into calming down through a snack, which was why they'd planned ahead and set up a buffet that would keep the huge assistant occupied for hours. 

"Great! 'Cause, look over there. We got a special baked potato bar and it's all for you!" She smiled, poking his belly as she gestured to the potatoes and several fillings that had been placed next to the auto-snacker, ready for a giant to come in a feast to his heart's content. And it worked; Goomer ran at the sight of the food, crying out in happiness as he saw the effort they'd gone to, he could eat and eat and eat because there was an entire bowl full of the carb-loaded goodness and he wouldn't be bothering them any more. "Look at all the fixings!"

Ray shared a smile with his sweet girl as the man grabbed a potato and started sprinkling it with all kinds of toppings, which caused the hero to inwardly coo at how smart his sweet girl was. There was a sadness behind her smile though and he couldn't help but notice how her eyes flickered to the snoozing drama queen on the floor. Right, she'd have to say goodbye the minute Henry came back with Schwoz and she didn't know if she was ready for that, possibly losing him forever and to Frankini of all people. This was gonna be hard on both of them.

~

"Let's go, Schwoz! Frankini's starting to drool on my hand!" Ray exclaimed as Schwoz came from the secret door all too quickly for (y/n)'s liking. Henry had found him helping Jasper into a costume and had demanded that he come downstairs because it was time to get shit done and possibly break a young woman's heart in the process—and Schwoz was dressed like Elvis. Another normal day in the Man Cave.

Ray had dragged his body donor to the tube pad level with extreme difficulty, finding it hard to navigate the guy's legs since they seemed to be made out of fucking elastic; they bent every which way and kept snagging and catching on things, so he was already at the end of his tether by the time Schwoz had set up the machine. And (y/n)? Well, she was trying to hold it in, feeling her cold feet set it and she had to stamp down the instinct to drag her lover away from the experiment since it was trying to take him away from her and place him just out of reach. "Come on, when can we swap bodies?"

"Almost ready, just hold your horse's pants!" The genius snapped as his fingers tapped away at the computer that was running the code and software he needed to make calculations and whatnot, leaving Ray to continue hauling Frankini into position, (y/n) to tie her fingers into knots from her worry and Henry to observe it all as Goomer wandered over to him. 

"Hey, Kwid Dwangur!" The freakishly tall man slurred through a mouthful of potato as he came up behind the boy who seemed to be nearly as nice as Miss Danger, but she seemed too stressed to talk to, so he settled for the kid instead. Goomer was one of those people who weren't necessarily evil or cunning, unlike Frankini, he was just easily led and underneath, he was actually a real sweetheart, which was shown by how he'd prepared a little snack for a growing boy. "It's Danger. Kid Danger."

"Look! I made you a potato." He told him, holding the plate directly next to his face so he'd get a whiff of the savoury smell and even though Henry was technically on duty, y'know, what hint for anything that might go wrong, whether it be a rogue Frankini incident or (y/n) having a nervous breakdown, he was supposed to be keeping an eye on things. But damn, that was a fine potato. "Nah, nah, nah, thanks. I appreciate it, Goomer but I—dang, that looks good..."

"What's going on?" Frankini whined as he blinked himself back into consciousness, his legs finally sturdy enough for him to stand in place as Ray positioned him under the left tube, himself on the right. Oh god, this was it, time to see if (y/n) was gonna walk down with half of him on one arm and another half on the other and he was just as nervous as she was, unable to look anywhere but her loving eyes as Schwoz made his final checks.

"Okay, Captain Man—" Schwoz said into his microphone, hovering his hand over the levers that would remotely drop the tubes since they couldn't have them accidentally open halfway through the swapping, that would be very bad. His fingers grazed the metal, ready to yank it down and seal him in, but at the last minute, in the final moment before he was locked away from her, (y/n) decided that spending forever without her complete doofus was gonna be a hell of a long time and she wanted one last chance to love him and only him.

"Wait!" She yelled, running past the controls and taking the steps two at a time so she collided into Ray's arms at lightning speed, his hands instantly settling on her waist as he tried to not fall back from the force of her pressing her lips to his. Standing on her tiptoes, she tried to cover as much ground as possible, kissing him with so much desperation and want because she knew that after this, she wouldn't be looking at the same man, she'd be looking at Fray and Raykini. After getting over the initial shock, Ray's mouth moved with the same passion, angling her jaw so his tongue could swipe at her honeyed taste and refresh the memory that had been ingrained on the front of his brain for so long. 

"I love you so much, doofus." (y/n) sniffed once she pulled back, trying to smile through her tearful gaze since she wanted the last memory of his in this body to be of her being happy and not a blubbering mess and his thumb swiped over her cheekbone to brush away the one that fell from the dam. Ugh, Frankini could not have been stood in a worse place, huffing as that big, dumb lug drooled over a girl who was way out of his league and to his disgust, she was actually shedding a tear over him. Sister, he wasn't worth it...

"I love you too, sweet girl. Be brave for me..." Ray whispered, pecking her nose so he'd get to see her wrinkle it cutely, something that made him chuckle breathlessly and eased his nerves. He just had to remember that no matter what happened, he had her love and even if something, god forbid, went wrong and she didn't want him anymore, he'd had the privilege of being hers for a little while and maybe that would be enough to see him through the pain.

"Just come back to me, all right?" She murmured that same old phrase, brushing her hand down his face and connecting their lips for one last brief encounter before she stepped back, refusing to lick her kips to chase the mint and bubblegum he'd left there since one swipe and she'd wipe it away, and she couldn't bear that. The same for him, he left her sweetness on his lips as their arms stretched until they couldn't hold on any longer and (y/n) slowly went down the stairs, her gaze staying on him like her life depended on it. Again, Frankini was gonna barf, but she didn't notice, she couldn't, not when her doof was standing next to him and capturing her stare, her thoughts, her heart, her everything. "Always."

"Uh, okay, Captain Man..." Schwoz repeated himself once the woman was a safe distance away from her fiancé and he dropped the tubes, sealing him and Frankini into their fates now that everyone had had a chance to say goodbye or whatever. Well, mainly two people, but eh, they were dumb and in love so he didn't care about being interrupted, he was just sad at how her pining was practically tangible and how Ray visibly gulped when the glass separated them. Brave face, brave face, brave face... "Are you ready to swap bodies with Frankini?"

"Yeah, yeah, just do it!" Ray replied impatiently, fully aware of the fact that if they waited too long then he might chicken out from just the way his sweet girl was staring at him. He knew she didn't mean it, in fact, he was certain that he was wearing a similar expression himself, but the sooner they did this, the sooner it would be over and they could switch back, so he just bit the bullet and gathered every ounce of heroic courage he had—of which Frankini had none.

"What? No! I said I will. Not. Swap. Bodies!" He whined, stamping his foot like a child since he'd woken up and been plunged into the situation headfirst and he found himself petrified. Gone was the nausea from watching his enemy make out with a girl he may or may not like in some kind of way, instead, he was bricking it and wanted out so he could go back to his jail cell, which was sounding a lot nicer than it had been when he woke up in it that morning. This had to be illegal or extremely dodgy to some extent, he didn't want to be forced into swapping bodies, but they weren't gonna listen to his complaints.

"Too bad, Frankini! There's a ninety-two-year-old grandma out there, who needs our help. Do it, Schw—" Ray argued back, dismissing any fears the guy might have had and turning Schwoz as he finger hovered over the buttons, only he wasn't Schwoz, well, they couldn't let Frankini know who he was, not even his name. "Uh, Schwelvis."

"Now, I reverse the molecular polarity and flippity-doo, switcharoo!" With one final, Elvis-like move, Schwoz or "Schwelvis", flicked a switch yanked back two levers, causing the men in the tubes to gasp as their bodies started to tingle in tandem with the glass illuminating. They glowed pink and purple as what looked like glitter swirled around them, although they were actually molecular particles shifting across the gap, but anyway, the light show impressed Goomer and made (y/n) whimper in her throat. "Ooooh, pretty!"

"I'm loving this potato!" Henry, though, was less concerned about his boss, focusing on the taste sensation going on his mouth and not the fact that Ray and Frankini were being sucked up and down the tubes at a lightning speed that made their bodies blur as they swapped sides. (y/n) clutched at the boy's arm so tight that under any other circumstances he would've yelped in pain, but she was on the verge of tears again and he didn't have the heart to deny her a small slice of comfort, not when Schwoz tapped at the buttons and made their bodies glow as their conscience swapped over. It was complete, time to see if shit was about to get weird.

Schwoz killed the power and the tubes lifted, "it is done".  Although now, Ray was in the left tube and Frankini was in the right tube, at least, that's how it looked, but when they looked closer, they seemed...off. Ray or Ray's body was standing there looking dazed and confused, with slight femininity in his stance that echoed a certain prima-donna, whilst Frankini looked tough for the first time in his life, he even had a smoulder in his eye that (y/n) knew all too well and she didn't know who to run to. Which one counted as her lover more? 

"Wow! These bacon bits are delicious!" Goomer exclaimed as he dug his fork into his potato once more, shovelling up the buttery, fluffy goodness as well as several chunks of bacon that he'd chosen and even though his compliments were nice, it wasn't the time for it. Not when for the first time in her life, (y/n) couldn't pick Ray out, she didn't know where or who he was and she hated not knowing, she hated not being able to sense him as weird as that sounded in her head. "Shut it or your bacon bits will be cut off and in a bag!"

"Yeah, Goomer! Will you stop being obsessed with your silly baked potato?!" Ray's body said, but the voice did not match the usual baritone lilt that could melt hundreds of women into a puddle, mainly just one since that's what he was all about now, or strike fear into the hearts of hundreds of men. (y/n) let go of Henry's arm, realising that it was probably at the point of being bruised now and she gulped as she stepped forward, intent on getting a closer look at them, but when she heard what came out of his mouth, she found her feet glued to the floor next to Schwoz. No, no, no, that wasn't right...

Ray was acting and sounding like Frankini because he was Frankini, he was moving with the same stupid gestures that only belonged in the theatre and his tone was whiny and high pitched, which made them all freeze from how creepy it was. He was Ray the doofus, he didn't act like that, he was tough with testosterone drenching every move he made because he was Captain Man, he didn't prance and he certainly didn't wiggle his hips like that.

"Argh! Argh! Oh, good garbo! I'm so large and red and blue!" Frankini whined and groaned at the same time as he got used to being so bulky and bright as Captain Man, the guy who smashed through walls in the world's most visible uniform. Okay, (y/n) was freaking out because that was her fiancé but it wasn't at the same time, he looked so damn handsome but he acted like a complete weirdo and her heart was stinging at the confusion, reaching out to grab its match and finding something that was what it knew was what it needed but also wasn't quite right.

"Ha! Did you guys see that? Did you hear Frankini's voice coming out of my...handsome face?" Ray smirked cockily as he carefully strutted down the steps, which he'd done a million times but never in wedge ankle boots. And was this what it felt like to never work out? He felt so puny and weak, like one gust of wind could knock him over and when he reached his sweet girl, she was the same height as him, maybe even taller, which was new. She wouldn't feel small in his arms at all, not that he'd ever find her there in this body because when he winked at her, a move that normally made her swoon, she cringed and convulsed like she was being forced to watch something revolting.

"Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!" She shrieked, shrinking back and away from the Frankini body he was possessing because although he sounded like Ray and spoke like Ray and was clearly still in love with her like Ray, she couldn't take it. That hurt Ray to see her react so violently against his advances, but she couldn't help it, not when he looked like that, not when she looked up and expected to see his face but all she got was Frankini's eyes holding his love for her. She didn't want him to feel sad but it felt...icky to act all lovey-dovey with another man...even though he wasn't another man...but he was another man. Fuck, she was getting a migraine.

"Oh, please! My own face is way more handsome than this stupid one!" Frankini snapped as he got the tree trunks that Captain Man called legs to walk down after him, each step feeling like he could make the ground shake since he was so damn huge. God, it was so weird to see Ray act so delicately like he was a petite dancer and not a six-foot wall of pure crime-fighting power that never did anything with any amount of grace. And it was so weird to see Frankini act like he was a hero with his hands on his hips and tensing the muscles he didn't have, everything Ray did since he was macho and Frankini wasn't. They were two very different people.

"Hey! You better treat my face with some respect!" Ray growled as he heard the slander about the hottest face in Swellview, AKA, his. That was the face that (y/n) woke up to every morning, the one she kissed, the one she loved and the one she was expecting to see when she walked down the aisle so he better not damage it in any way, even if it was indestructible. That face meant a lot to him, to her and to the city so he needed to respect the mask he was wearing and shut the fuck up.

"Oh, and what if I don't? What if I just slap it?" Frankini proposed and ignored the sting that came from his or Ray's gloved hand stroking his cheek. Yeah, that would show him, but the hero had a much better advantage, mainly that his face would never bruise and always stayed perfect, but the one he was sporting wasn't so lucky. "Oh, okay! Well, maybe I'll just slap your stupid face like this!"

"Oh, it is on! Do not come for me—oh, okay, two at a time! No, stop that! No! He's hurting all the work I've had done!" "Oh, it's on? Over here, over here! I can do this all day!" Frankini and Ray argued as they slapped at the other's face through their actions and what felt like their own face. Jeez, things were getting so complicated, especially when Ray moved on from just punching and began yanking at the blond locks of Frankini's dyed hair, which was apparently a no-go zone for the guy who valued his appearance more than anything else. For Henry, Goomer, Schwoz and (y/n), they didn't know how to feel, everything felt numb. "This is so weird..."

'Hey! Why do your lips taste like honey, huh? Is that what it's like to kiss Miss Danger?" Frankini asked as he just so happened to run Captain Man's tongue over his lips and got a small glimpse into how much of a sweetie she really was. Yeah, he knew it was that because now he understood why he'd eaten her face like a man starved, it was because she was so damn sweet, literally like honey and he got the addiction, much to Ray's fury.

"None of your business!" He growled as he yanked at the blonde roots even harder since he wasn't going to risk damaging his own face with a punch, oh no. Sure, he was furious that the bastard had managed to end up knowing how sweet his girl really was and that even from such a faint sample he was able to come to the same conclusion that he had on that fateful Christmas Eve. 

All he could do was hope that the meagre remnants of his kiss with her would fade from his mind because that's sort of what happened to him, by the time they'd gotten around to their second kiss, he'd nearly forgotten what she tasted like and he'd actually been lips to lips with her, not just some leftover residue. Yeah, he'd lose it in time, thank god, unlike Ray who promised himself that the minute he got back into his own body, he was gonna remember her honey all over again.

~Twenty minutes later~

There was a reason that they'd chosen Frankini and not Doctor Minyak or The Toddler or Drill finger or anyone else. One, he was reasonable to a certain extent. Two, he could barely put up a fight. And three, and this was the most important factor, he had been an online personality with millions of viewers just like Go Bro and therefore, they knew one another, they were buds in a way. 

It wasn't like they knew where the youth was hiding, his headquarters were nearly as impossible to find as Captain Man's were, that's not what they needed. No, they needed a familiar, friendly face to appear on a call with Go Bro and then, he'd just give the location up and Ray could infiltrate it with as much espionage as he could muster, because everyone loves Frankini, right? They were friends, right? That was the plan anyway.

Well, the Man Cave team weren't friends with him, not even close. Schwoz and Henry giggled to themselves as Goomer, the world's most useless assistant, busied himself with getting yet another potato, this time with cheese, and all the while, they'd given one to Frankini too. Snack time.

A potato in the mouth to shut him up. Plus, an adult safety harness, sort of like the ones parents strapped to children who tended to wander off, just to make sure he couldn't crawl anywhere even though his hands were cuffed behind his back. It was kinda distressing for (y/n) to see what looked like her lover all bound and helpless on the floor like they had no regard for his comfort and they were giggling at their boss's pain, but that wasn't Ray, that's what she had to keep reminding herself. That was Frankini and her Ray was standing in front of a picture of a random field, ready to make the call. She'd get him back later, it was fine.

"Okay, now that he's got a potato in his mouth and can't make any noise, I'm gonna call Go Bro and make him think I'm his old friend, Frankini," Ray smirked with his hands on his hips, which (y/n) hadn't noticed before but he did that a lot. If she closed her eyes then it was like Ray was there, but then she opened them and ruined the dream. He was there in spirit, she could feel his personality radiating from Frankini's body and that was a small comfort in what was proving to be a very trying day.

"Oh, wait! What if I decide to make noise during your phone call to Go Bro? I could ruin everything by telling him you stole Frankini's body—" Goomer really needed to learn when to keep his mouth shut. Still, he made a valid point and rather than risking him opening that stupid mouth of his and blowing the mission to pieces, Ray simply took his laser control from Frankini's glitzy belt and zapped him with it in a long green blast that wasn't quite enough to bring a giant like him down. 

"Ha! I'm too big for just one!" He giggled, shaking since the first one felt like he was being tickled, only Ray wasn't laughing. Without a second thought, he shot him with another beam, which when cumulated with the first, was enough to send him falling face-first of his chair, right onto his baked potato, which didn't go down well with Frankini. At least it gave his cheek a soft landing.

"Okay, I'm calling Go Bro," Ray announced once the idiot hit the floor and he confidently marched past Frankini on the floor as he punched in the number for the criminal. Henry, Schwoz and (y/n) quickly skedaddled to a safe spot where they wouldn't be seen, although for a brief second as their bodies crossed, Ray or rather Frankini's arm brushed against hers, sending tingles down their spines as they tried to focus. It felt weird to experience his touch in a new body in the same way it was weird to feel her body against his because she wasn't tiny compared to him anymore. In fact, she could easily wipe the floor with him if she wanted to. Focus, focus, focus...

"Yo-yo, go-go for Go Bro! Whoaaaaa! No way, Frankini!! Dude, I thought you were still in prison..." Go Bro picked up pretty quickly, obviously, he didn't get many calls from unknown numbers. But this one was special because before his eyes was Frankini, the guy who had sat on the thrones of Twitflash and Envygram for years before being dragged to the bottom of the pile for pushing it too far. He was a legend in his eyes though and one of his bros since he wasn't afraid of going extreme for views and likes.

"Oh, uh, right! No, I was, but I, uh, escaped! Y'know, bruh!" Ray said in his best Frankini voice, plus he added a little bit of bro speak since he wanted to sound cool, hip and edgy. This had to sound believable so Go Bro thought he was on his level and gave up his location, and for some, he sounded good. Schwoz was certainly impressed, but then again, he was impressed with most things. Henry and (y/n) weren't so entertained, finding his acting as well as the body he was in, super weird and they pulled faces at how he was freaking them out.

"Aw, wicked, dude, that's wicked!" Well, at least it fooled Go Bro, the one they were trying to trick. To be fair, a criminal managing to sneak out of prison, with Captain Man and his dumb sidekicks prowling about was pretty sick, but did he really have to sound like such a moron?

"Thanks. So, uh, Go Bro? I hear in your next video, you're gonna send that grandma there in a downhill ride going ninety-five miles an hour!" Ray stated, his voice low and growling as he gritted his teeth at having to sound excited about a granny being hurtled to her death. That was just sick and he found himself tensing Frankini's pathetic biceps when the dickwad's eyes started to sparkle with eagerness when he was reminded about his master plan.

"Sushya, brah, video's gonna rock, dude—gonna score maaaad views." Go Bro replied, smirking into the camera. At this point, (y/n) was sure that he wasn't speaking English, more like some weird dialect that had evolved amongst the male youth due to overexposure to toxic masculinity and too many high-calorie energy drinks, making their voices go gravelly and their minds turn to mush. Perhaps that was why he enjoyed torturing pensioners on the internet, he wasn't playing with a full deck of cards.

"Okay, well, guess what? I got a real—neato—idea that'll, like, get your grandma video way millions more views, like way—extra—views!" Oh, dear god, it was painful to watchful. Ray kept dabbing and lifting his leg in an attempt to seem cool, but he was a grown man underneath all that glitz and glam makeup and even Schwoz was cringing now. Plus, what the hell was "neato"? Certainly nothing Frankini had ever said and he was dying on the floor, digging his teeth into the potato at how his reputation was being ruined with one phone call.

"Whoa, whoa, you're talking my lingo, bro-bro. What's your idea, bruh?" The millennial asked, saying "o" way too many times in one sentence, but still, he wasn't phased by how weird "Frankini" was acting, he just loved the sound of getting more views on his video. That'd what everything boiled down to, clicks, likes and new followers because was there any other kind of happiness in life? Nah, no way, bruh.

"Whoooa, there, doggie. I can't tell you that over the...horn here. I gotta tell you in person, y'know, face-bro to face-bro! So! I guess you should tell me where you're at..." Ray suggested as subtly as he could, although if Go Bro actually slowed down and listened to what he was saying, he'd figure out that something was up with his bro-friend. Seriously, the man said "horn" instead of phone, what was that? Literally, the worst attempt at a grown man trying to use modern slang ever heard and Henry wanted to die because this was not how his generation should've been viewed.

"N-n-n-n-nah, bruh, that's a no-go from Go Bruh!" Damn, and it was going so well. At the mention of his hideout, Go Bro freaked and got all defensive, making Ray switch tactics. Okay, sensitive topic, he could work with that, he just needed to remember that this guy loved bro culture and loved having his ego stroked nearly as much as he did. Plus, he was Frankini, he knew the internet, he knew about trends and clickbait and ad revenue, he knew all about that shit, so it was fine. "Aw, why's it a no-go, Go Bro?"

"'Cause, dude, I'm in a secret bro-cation!" Dear lord, the puns were getting worse as he went on. But it didn't help, they knew he was in a secret location, that's why they hadn't kicked down his door yet and taught him a lesson about not sending old ladies down hills at super-fast speeds. Ray folded his arms cooly and thought about how he could work around the man's desire to stay hidden... "Bruh!"

"But hey, tell you what, bruh, I'm gonna send one of my bruhs to pick you up and bring you right here to me, bruh!" Go Bro said, which meant that Ray didn't have to do any work after all. Well, that was easier than he'd thought it would be and he was a superhero, going undercover was second nature to him, so he didn't fear the danger. Not even when he wasn't a superhero right now, he was a stick figure of a man without a superpower, something that was easy to forget when he was so in character. "Oh, cool, bruh!"

"Yeah, just be in the parking lot of Nacho Ball in...thirty minutes!" Go Bro told him, which didn't leave much time for them to get moving at all. They were in with a chance though, that was the main thing and even if Ray had to go solo, it didn't matter. Schwoz was an expert at flying the Man-Copter incognito and he'd have Henry and his sweet girl riding right behind him, so he wouldn't really be alone, just leading the way. 

"Thirty minutes, right, uh...thir mins!" Ray nodded, making Frankini frown again around the potato still edged in his mouth at how his slang was shockingly bad. He needed to work on that if he was ever going to impersonate someone young and cool again, not him though. No way, he'd learnt his lesson, never let someone kidnap you, you literally lose yourself and are tortured by a man trying to relate to youth culture. "'Kay, bruh! See you in a few!"

"Bro-bye!" Okay, what was that? Seriously, Ray was just going off what Go Bro liked and it was working, but why did the guy feel the need to love everything that had bro stuck somewhere in the middle? It was like he used bro as punctuation, but at least he was falling for it...and making Ray more and more immature. Yeah, secretly, he was a bro, not as bad as Go Bro, but he had that annoying streak wedged in there, somewhere between hot hero and immature big-kid, and he was letting it out. "Bro-bye!"

"Cha!" "Cha!" And that's apparently how bros say goodbye. Ray ended the call with a wide grin, which immediately fell once that ridiculous hoodlum disappeared from his monitor and he was allowed to show his disgust again. He'd done pretty well, he'd not found the location, but he'd found a way to sneak in and right under the guy's nose of all things. Maybe the whole body swapping thing wasn't such a bad idea after—no, it was bad. (y/n) hated it, she hated seeing her boyfriend both sat on the floor with a potato stopping his words and wheeling the background screen away, her heart didn't know who it wanted. Well, it did, it wanted Ray, always Ray, but who was Ray?

"Heeeey, good job, bruh." Henry smiled at him as the screen was pushed away, his voice mimicking the moronic drawl of Go Bro and how he thickened every "bro" with extra broness, just to make himself seem more laddish and cool. It made (y/n) smile at how it seemed they hated the guy and usually, she would've gone over to congratulate herself with a sweet kiss, but she couldn't. Kissing him now would be like kissing Frankini in her mind, even though his mind would be the one experiencing it and she couldn't bring himself to betray him like that, so she just let Schwelvis go first. "Yeah, he really thought you were Frankini!"

"All right, now I gotta get to the parking lot at Nacho Ball!" Ray told them, offering his girl the softest look he could muster whilst in Frankini's body and she smiled back shyly, almost as if she was subtly flirting with a new person. He hadn't seen he look that shy with him in a long time, not since their feelings became stronger and they threw the rules of a normal friendship out the window, but then her smile contorted into a frown and he wondered what he'd said to make her, all of them, suddenly look so worried.

"No, no, no, doofus, are you nuts? You can't just walk into Go Bro's secret hideout all by yourself!" (y/n) scolded him, reluctant to slap him on the arm since he wouldn't be strong and solid like he normally was, he'd be soft and squishy, totally vulnerable and that's what worried her. Just because Go Bro was an idiot didn't mean they should underestimate him; like any villain, he'd have backup, henchmen on hand to beat up anyone who tried to sabotage his video and Ray wouldn't be able to flatten anyone who tried to ruin Frankini's stupid face.

"Pssshh, I'm not afraid of Go Bro and his goons, sweet girl." Ray scoffed, swiftly curling his fingers under her chin so her eyes would look at him and he could see her pretty face. Then, he folded his arms just to show how confident he was, not realising that he was missing an important factor, he wasn't Captain Man right now. Captain Man was sat on the floor with a potato wedged in his gob, him and all six feet of his indestructibility, which left Raykini extremely vulnerable.

"Dude, you're not indestructible right now," Henry stated, gesturing to the body he was in 'cause he wasn't himself, Ray Manchester would never be caught dead in that hideous prison romper and leggings combo. If he walked into Go Bro's hideout now with his guns blazing and his mouth running off at anyone who dared to challenge him, he'd literally be torn to shreds because those little chicken wings had no power behind them. He'd break his hand, not the bad guys' faces and even though he didn't care about Frankini, he needed him okay so they could swap back and he could make up for lost time with his precious fiancée.

"What? Yes, I—ohhhhh." And the penny dropped. Ray looked at the soft, dainty hands that responded to his brain and remembered that right, he wasn't indestructible just like they said. He'd never paint his nails and it was hard to remember that he was Frankini when things became too exciting and he had to concentrate on getting the mission done. This was gonna be harder than he thought, especially since Goomer was finally waking up from his nap. Fantastic.

"Ughhhh, what happened? Where'd my potato go?" The huge man groaned as he wobbly got to his feet like a newborn foal, his head spinning from the effects of the laser, but he just had one thing on his mind that he cared about. Screw, Frankini, he could take care of himself, all he wanted was the hot, delicious snack that he'd prepared before he dropped and he did drop. Right on top of it, meaning said potato was smushed onto his cheek, not that he noticed.

"It's stuck to your face!" (y/n) told him, tapping her cheek lightly so he'd know where to find it. Goomer brought his fingers up to his face, feeling the wrong side at first before he switched to the other cheeks and felt the rough skin of the potato as well as some of the mushy filling that had spilt out of the jacket. There it was, still warm from being in contact with his body and it seemed a waste to just let it go in the trash, so he peeled it off and smiled at it. "Oh, hello!"

"You only have twenty-eight minutes to get to Nacho Ball!" Schwoz exclaimed as he looked at the time on one of the monitors after giving Goomer a judgemental glance. Yeah, like he didn't do weird shit, cough, cough, worm-eater, cough, cough, but that didn't matter. Their window of opportunity was shrinking and if Ray was late then he'd lose his chance to save Grandma Sullivan from having a heart attack and the heroes couldn't allow that. "Oh, right!"

"Uh, okay, right, you go meet Go Bro's bro at Nacho Ball and we'll follow you in Schwoz's helicopter to the secret bro-cation or whatever dumb pun he used." (y/n) told her doofus, thinking that if Ray had to walk into danger, then she and Henry would be right behind him. Two could play at having backup and boy, Ray would need it once he got to the hiding place, god knows what he was gonna face there.

"Okay, sweet girl." He nodded and turned to leave so he could make it to the meeting place on time, but then, he had a thought, a rather clever thought for a doofus and it made him stop in his tracks. He spun back around to see her gorgeous face again, a small bonus but not what he'd been planning on, no, he'd theorised that with all of them gone then Frankini and his stupid friend would have free reign over his Man Cave and cause untold destruction to the city. He could even find out their secret identities if he searched hard enough and that made him panic. "Wait, wait, wait, you can't just leave those two here, alone in the Man Cave!"

"Bring them in the hoolacoopter!" Schwoz insisted in his thick accent, knowing that they had two seats spare so it would be fine and they could babysit them with no risks of their secrets being leaked. Sure, he wasn't looking forward to watching two criminals whilst they went off to do hero work, but it was what he was paid to do so there would be no complaining unless he wanted to be on the receiving end of (y/n)'s sharp tongue. And she was at the end of her rope after the difficulty of the day, more than ready to unleash her fury on anyone who pissed her off.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, go, go, go!" Henry nodded frantically and batted his boss away since time was of the essence. One good thing about the body swap was that he and (y/n) no longer spent fifteen hours kissing and saying goodbye when they had to part and for once, Ray was off like a shot, headed straight for the tubes. "Up the tube!"

"Right, shift your sorry asses. Come on, let's go!" (y/n) muttered the criminals as she helped Schwoz haul Frankini to his feet since he was a very small man trying to lift the very heavy figure that belonged to her lover. Henry was a crimefighter and was quite strong to say how skinny he was, so he could handle Goomer on his own as his friends unlocked the safety harness and started shoving Frankini to the tubes. Okay, now her body was reacting to feeling the familiar muscles working beneath her fingertips because she knew every ripple and contraction, she could smell his cologne and everything about him screamed Ray, but then her heart knew that it was a lie. He wasn't her Ray.

"Move, move, move, let's go!" Henry told them too, guiding Goomer up the steps to the tubes and standing in position under the left one. Well, this was gonna be fun. When the touchy couple insisted on taking a tube together, it was already a tight squeeze and now, they had to factor in Schwoz too. At least Henry was tall and thin, he'd managed with his "tube buddy" just fine, it was Schwoz and (y/n) who were screwed. They'd just have to pray that they didn't cause a blockage and ruin the mission that way.

"Tight hugs!" Henry said as he tapped his belt, causing them all to suck in their stomachs and grab on to each other tightly as the tubes dropped. Schwoz snuggled into the hero's back, which in turn, made (y/n) press herself tightly to Ray or Frankini's body so they'd all fit. For a moment, her brain enjoyed it, loving how right it felt to have her cheek against the chest of her soulmate and his chiselled body pressed to hers like it had been that morning, but then, she heard his shocked yet excited squeak at having her so close and she returned to her disgust, knowing that it could never be pleasurable when it wasn't Ray feeling her up. "God, I hate this..."

"Up the tubes!" It would be over soon, fingers crossed and she couldn't wait.

~In the Man-Copter~

"Do you see him?!" Schwoz yelled over the sound of the whirring helicopter blades above their heads as they soared above an alpine road, scouring snowy mountains, dense pine forests and a desolate road for any sign of the car that had picked up Ray and driven off. They'd been headed this way, but then for a second, they'd lost sight of him and in the middle of nowhere, it was tough to spot the small vehicle against such a breathtaking backdrop.

"Uh, yeah, yeah, there's the car right there," Henry reported as he looked through his binoculars, him and (y/n) leaning out of the open doors so they could get a clear view and her heart began to quicken now that they were back on track. Good, they hadn't lost him, which meant there was still a good chance of stopping Go Bro and swapping him and Frankini back, the latter of who was being a terrible passenger. Goomer wasn't so bad as he sat on the woman's right, Henry up front with Schwoz, but (y/n) also had to deal with Frankini in the back and he wouldn't stop whining about the temperature, the height, the scariness, everything. And it definitely wasn't really fucking annoying.

"Ahhh! We're too high, we're too high, we're too high!" He cried and slapped at Schwoz's seat to try and make the handyman go lower as if he wouldn't be totally fine if he somehow fell through the door. It was bad enough that (y/n) had to lean over his or Goomer's body to see out of the window since she didn't want them sitting together, but the whining, she couldn't take it. He had a seatbelt fastened around him, he was fine and y'know, they were on a crucial mission, they needed to focus.

"Oh my god, stop screaming! You're such a baby!" She snapped, finding it so strange that her usually courageous hero was terrified of the smallest thing, whether it be a bird flying past or some turbulence. Ray never screamed when he was in uniform, at least not like that. Sure, sometimes he got spooked or sweaty when his sidekicks were in trouble but he was brave, the opposite of Frankini and to her surprise, even Goomer was beginning to get irked with his boss since his shouting was ruining his potato-eating session. "Yeah, be quiet, Captain Man!"

"Goomer! You know I'm not Captain Man, I'm Frankini!" The criminal reached past Miss Danger and punched his friend on the arm at how he'd mistaken him for his enemy. The nerve of this guy, thinking he was that bonehead hero, even if being Captain Man would get him closer to a certain ass-kicking style icon. No, he was so much better than that and it was only because he'd been forced that he was in that situation in the first place.

"Yeah, ain't that the truth...you wish you were Captain Man." (y/n) tutted, rolling her eyes as she scowled at the reminder that right now, that handsome face wasn't worth her drooling over. She merely looked straight ahead and out of the windshield, listening carefully for any further reports from Henry or Schwoz since they could see better from their positions.

"Then why do you look like Captain Man?" Goomer asked as if he'd been sleeping under a rock. Sure, he'd literally been under the effects of a laser when the process had been done but it wasn't some big secret and surely, he could've worked it out from seeing and hearing them talk. But Goomer wasn't smart, not even a little bit and he just didn't make the connection, which irritated (y/n) more. Rock, her, hard place, that's where she was.

"That's because Captain Man stole my body and trapped me here in his!" Frankini frowned, tapping at his or rather, Ray's solid pec so he could gesture to the body that wasn't his. It was kinda nice feeling so strong and he could see why Miss Danger was so in love with him appearance-wise as he was certain that underneath the super suit was hidden the body of a god, but apart from that, he hated it. He hated him. "You wanna bit of my potato?"

"Noooooooo!" Ugh, when would it end? It was like being sat between two very annoying kids who couldn't stop squabbling and (y/n) felt the urge to punch something, specifically a bad guy, right in the face and preferably one of Go Bro's goons. That would make her feel so much better after sitting through this crap all day.

"Hey, Schwelvis?" Henry piped up, zoning out from the noise in the back since he was certain that the young woman could handle the villain and his stupid friend whilst he handled the tracking and reporting bit with Schwoz. He was really enjoying the costume and even switched his accent to a more country-like drawl that was both weird and disturbing, but whatever. "Yes?"

"Looks like Go Bro's guy's taking Captain Man to that old ski lodge," Henry noted as he saw the car pull up to a building that was settled in the middle of nowhere and from the slopes and ski lift, it was definitely a cosy shack for people looking for a fancy retreat. The place had been abandoned for years and mostly forgotten about, and it made sense that a bad guy would stash his secrets away there, far from the law's reach, which included any superhero's radar. Maybe Go Bro wasn't so stupid after all. "Oh, yes, the old Swellview ski lodge!"

"Yeah, fly us over there, dude," Henry told him, pointing to the building and Schwoz immediately yanked on the joystick, causing the helicopter to tilt at a sharp angle so he could cut through the air and make good time. For most of the passengers, the ride was fine because they had training or in Goomer's case, he just so happened to be on the right side of the aircraft, but for Frankini, he didn't know you had to hang on. He tumbled out of the window, held to the fuselage by his seatbelt and nothing more since he wasn't expecting the turn and his hands grab at Miss Danger's arm as he whined about nearly falling to his death. Jeez, it really wasn't that deep. "Ahh, too turny, too turny, too turny!" 

"Get and grow a pair, wimp!" She hissed as she yanked her arm out of her grip after pulling him back into the seat once the Man-Copter straightened up. Normally, she'd be happy for him to fall, that way she wouldn't have to listen to his whining so much, but she still needed that body kept safe until further notice because by god, she was making her appointment at the altar at some point and it wouldn't be to two different men. Frankini grumbled and settled back into his seat, wishing that he could impress her like the real Captain Man always did, but then something grabbed their attention and it didn't look good.

Go Bro was going live. Shit.

"What's up, go-brosers?! I'm here live at the secret bro-cation and in about five minutos from now, I'm gonna use these four-speed rockets to launch a ninety-two-year-old grandma and the one and only Frankini down a mountain at, like, a million miles an hour!" The moronic man announced to nearly one million people and the viewer count was steadily going up as the internet caught on that Go Bro had a new guest for his daring stunt. Frankini was still big news for a lot of people and his face was attracting thousands of people, which had all been part of Go Bro's plan all along.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, now Captain Man's trapped in that rocket box because of that psycho!" (y/n) yelled over the howling wind and Man-Copter blades as she leaned forward into the cockpit upon hearing the mention of her sort-of-fiancé. They could all see the fear and anger on Frankini's face so they knew that Ray wasn't particularly happy about being captured but it was pretty easy to guess that he'd gone in and expected to kick ass d takes names when in reality, he was the one who was the weakling. And that was concerning because right now, he was vulnerable and who knows, maybe he'd have a heart attack too if he was launched down the mountain. "Yeah, I saw it!"

"No, no, no, Captain Man's right here. Look!" Goomer argued, prodding the woman's shoulder and gesturing to the guy who looked like her lover. How many times did they have to explain it to him? Yeah, she knew that he looked like Ray right now, but personality-wise, Frankini was far from being the man she loved and even he was getting sick of the constant confusion from his dimwitted friend. "No, he's not! I'm Frankini!"

"You wish..." Goomer shook his head and returned to his potato, thinking that not even Captain Man could amount to the awesomeness that was his boss, no matter how many times he tried to pull the wool over his eyes. They couldn't fool him, he was way too smart to believe that two guys could swap bodies, that would be crazy, which earned him two eye rolls from those sitting in the back with him.

"Yo, you gotta land this helicopter so (y/—Miss Danger and I can go in that ski lodge and help Ra—and help Captain Man!" Henry told Schwoz, looking back at (y/n) to see her nodding furiously in agreement. She could tell that the kid was getting worried by how he was forgetting to use their hero names but she could look over that. Right now, they were Ray's only chance of staying alive, so they had to get down there...easier said than done.

"I cannot land! It's too windy outside. I can barely keep us up in the air!" Schwoz replied, gesturing to how the conditions outside were getting worse as the minutes passed and soon, it would be too dangerous for them to keep flying any longer. Ice and snow were building up on the blades and the wind was rocking them from side to side, explaining Frankini's nausea, but they couldn't just give up. If the helicopter couldn't make it then they'd just have to go without it somehow, even if that was stupid, dangerous and reckless.

"What? What do you want from me, sweetie? Frankini asked when he saw (y/n) staring at him, and then Henry when he caught onto her idea. Again, it was stupid, dangerous and reckless but hey, it might just work. Of course, she'd be fine after a few moments of extreme pain and possibly blacking out, but Henry needed a soft landing and there was one guy in the copter who could provide one. 

So, without any further prompting, (y/n) unbuckled her belt and swallowing her fear, repulsion and reluctance, shimmied over Frankini's lap, leaving her seat free for Henry to crawl into the back. Oh yeah, they were going for it and they wouldn't have too long to think it through... "You're directly over the lodge! What are you going to do?!"

"Now you listen to me, Frankini! You need to let Kid Danger climb on your back so we can jump out of this helicopter together and land on the roof of that ski lodge." (y/n) ordered the guy as she tried to hold her body away from him as much as possible in the cramped space, but one look at the drop to the ground and he didn't care that he had Miss Danger all over him. Dear, sweet lord, have mercy on him because holy fuck, that was high! Also, why did he have to be the shield? Couldn't they climb on Miss Danger and let her super-healy thing do the job?

"Nooooo. No, sir, I'm not jumping out of this helicopter, so don't dream it's over." Frankini refused, wiggling his finger in her and Henry's faces as he shuddered from the terror of falling fifty feet. Plus, it was cold and he didn't sign up for this, he was sure that Captain Man could handle himself, he didn't need their help, nope. He wasn't jumping, thank you and goodnight.

"But if we don't stop Go Bro, he's gonna send that poor grandma down the mountain. She could get hurt!" Henry pointed out, hoping to pander to Frankini's soft side because everyone could see that Grandma Sullivan was a lovely old lady, who didn't deserve to meet her maker half-frozen and petrified. But the kid didn't realise that Frankini was a master criminal, and he became one of those because he was actually quite cold-hearted when it came to helping other people...unless there was something in it for him. "She's not my grandma."

"Okay, but what about your body?! Your Frankini body? It's gonna go down the mountain too and I swear to god, if my husband gets killed before I have a chance to marry him, there will be no place you can hide from me." (y/n) threaten, grabbing the front of the red and blue tunic so she could bring Frankini/Ray's handsome face closer to hers. Okay, she was scary, but then again her doofus was on the line and she was just as protective as him as he was of her and if she couldn't save him because of this dick, then he'd regret it. She'd make him regret it so bad because he would have robbed her of her wedding ceremony, the after-party, her wedding night and a lifetime spent with her soulmate.

"Yeah, that's right! She will hunt you down!" Schwoz added, knowing that although a lot of people took her threats to be meaningless, (y/n) was actually pretty vicious when roused and she was having a bad day. It really wasn't wise to piss her off, not when she was having Ray withdrawal symptoms because they hadn't kissed in, like, five or six hours. Frankini stomped his feet and pulled a childish face as he debated whether jumping was worth it or not; safety or his true beautiful face? Staying alive or the wrath of Miss Danger? Ugh, why was life so unfair?

"Oh, fine! Climb on my back!" He whined and moodily unclipped his belt so he could shuffle into position. He and (y/n) climbed out of the door, hanging onto the fuselage so they could wait for Henry to get into position and immediately, they felt the wind and snow stinging their faces. Fuck, it was freezing and one wrong move and they'd be falling without meaning to, which would be bad because they'd hit the snow and possibly draw attention to themselves. This was gonna be fun. "Oh, it's so cold!"

"Quit whining! You're not the one in a skirt!" (y/n) exclaimed as her thighs started shaking from being exposed to the elements and Frankini whimpered as Henry carefully leaned out of the door too, wrapping an arm around his boss's body. This was gonna hurt for everyone, no matter how much indestructible flesh he used to cushion the fall, but if it kept him alive then it was worth it. Well, Frankini begged to differ because the ski lodge looked like a model from a child's playset, so tiny, so far away... "Will this hurt?"

"No!" Henry yelled into his ear, thinking that it was best to lie to him since he'd probably turn yellow if they told him that the impact was gonna be absolute agony. Ray was used to it, he could take massive amounts of pain and get right back up because he knew that everything would be fine, (y/n) was also getting into that mindset, but Frankini had no idea how Captain Man's indestructibility worked. "You promise?"

"No! Jump!" (y/n) told him, swallowing her fear for whatever was gonna happen to her body once she hit the ground, probably every bone in her body was gonna be broken, but it was worth it to see Ray again. Sure, he'd look like that scum Frankini, but she'd soon have him back to normal and that's what gave her courage. Taking a few moments to find his own scraps of bravery, Frankini felt his fingers loosening from the helicopter's metal and sudden;y, he was screaming and falling through the snow, Miss Danger free-falling by his side. Wait, why didn't she promise?

~In the ski lodge~

"Okay, time to get these rockets lit! Remember to like and subscribe." Go Bro shouted to his viewers, who had now reached over a million and he was getting pretty pumped by all of their comments and likes and whatever other crap he deemed important. He was holding the remote to launch his captives down the mountain and himself into internet legends and poor, sweet Grandma Sullivan. Unlike Ray, who was seething, she had no idea what was about to happen, she was just too nice to blame anyone. "Don't forget!"

"Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three—" It was a surprise that Go Bro could count, judging by the ridiculous way he spoke, you'd think he'd never gone to school, but then, he could...up until he heard a weird noise coming from above. What the hell was that? It looked like Kid Danger using Captain Man as a bodyboard with Miss Danger cursing next to them, heading straight for them, falling from the sky. And was that Captain Man squealing like a terrified child? Jeez, he sounded pathetic, but then again, they were falling at a gazillion miles an hour...and they smashed through the roof. So much for landing on it.

"Bro my god!" Go Bro yelled as three superheroes crashed into his secret bro-cation with no invitation whatsoever, which was seriously uncool. What was even more uncool was that they'd made a huge mess, woods and dust everywhere, not to mention a spot of blood from where Miss Danger had been skewered. Ew, she looked terrible, at least Captain Man had the good grace to fall and keep his body unbroken, even if he was groaning and moaning like a loser. So uncool, bro.

"Ow, the pain, the pain, the pain..." (y/n) whimpered as she laid on the floor, unable to move since she hadn't used a big doofus as a shield, neither was she indestructible. Everything felt damaged, her pelvis, shattered, her femurs, splintered, her kidneys, bruised, her spleen, burst, her pancreas, squashed, her skull, cracked, her lungs, punctured, ribs, what ribs? Those fuckers were dust. At least Henry was all right, a bit dirty and snowy but he just had some minor bruising and the wind knocked out of him, so that was okay and Frankini, well, he'd get over the pain in two seconds, much like how (y/n) was as she felt everything slowly start to heal over and snap back into place. 

"Oh, oh, oh my goodness! I'm okay!" The fake hero exclaimed as he felt his body, which had previously felt like it was gonna crumple as he struggled to his feet, but then suddenly, everything felt great as if nothing had ever happened. Huh, so that's why Captain Man never stayed down for long, he felt awesome after the pain faded. The same couldn't be said for a half-healed Miss Danger, however...

"I'm not..." She moaned, curling up into a ball as she struggled to get air into her lungs in an attempt to breathe through the pain. Okay, her legs were feeling better, so was her head, it was just the vital organs that were left to get back into shape and they felt particularly tender. She could hear Ray's delighted laughter though, her doofus, even if she couldn't look at him, it was nice to know he was there, most likely looking at her with love and worry at how she'd recklessly fallen through the ceiling just for him. Sweet girl...

"Nuke, Turk, let's go full bro on Captain Man, Kid Danger and Miss Danger!" Go Bro growled to his goons once he'd gotten over the shock of having three superheroes crash through his roof. Nope, they wouldn't get away with ruining his livestream and he could take them, three against three, losers versus the bros.

"Give me a minute, fellas. I'm trying to work through death over here..." The heroine panted, taking Henry's hand as he pulled her to her feet once her intestines were feeling...okay. Not great, she definitely still had some internal bruising and sweet cheese, she felt so tired after going through so much strain, making her remember that her body could only heal so much before she started to become exhausted, but she could keep going for a while, anything to stop Go Bro from hurting Ray.

"I'm not Captain Man! I'm Frankini!" The criminal insisted, even though by saying that he was sounding pretty insane. He looked like Captain Man, he'd just proven that he was indestructible like Captain Man and honestly, he was shaping up to be on the side of Captain Man right now. Go Bro had tossed him aside and used him to get views, so it was in his best interests to help the sidekicks out so he could protect his body from harm. Plus, no matter how awesome they were, (y/n) and Henry kinda needed Ray's legendary power because they were good, but he was the best.

"Whatever, just help us fight!" The boy commanded him, shaking him by the shoulders as he cowered away from the big, bad men, who looked like they wanted to murder him. Kid Danger and Miss Danger stepped forward and threw the first punches, Henry going for one goon and using his hyper-motility to whack him after he dodged a blow. (y/n) went for Nuke or maybe he was Turk, whatever, and kicked him in the groin when he tried to go for her hair, causing him to fall back with a groan as Frankini found himself with the boss.

Go Bro wanted to take on the mighty Captain Man himself and clumsily jabbed at his face so bad, that even Frankini, who had no idea what he was doing, was able to duck and weave out of the way. Yeah, he was pathetic, even with the world's hottest biceps, packed with power so each punch was like steel, he was running away from the fight, slapping his hands at the villains like it would make him go away. Okay, it stung him a bit because he didn't know what strength he had, but it was nothing compared to how Henry and (y/n) were wiping the floor with the henchmen.

As the kid beat one's face with hit after hit after hit, his hands becoming a blur as his reflexes kept him speedy, (y/n) dived out of the way of her guy trying to whack her with a piece of timber that had fallen from the ceiling. A weapon, that was cute and she just ploughed her fist into his ribs whilst Ray kept an eye on the fight, mainly Frankini because he was the one ruining his reputation by running around like a headless chicken. "Hit him again!" 

With a punch to the face, (y/n)'s goon stumbled back, allowing Henry to swiftly kick his feet out from under him and the guy tumbled to the floor, so for them, things were going great. That couldn't be said for Frankini, who kept dodging and slapping Go Bro with no force or brutality that would leave him groaning on the floor and holy shit, it was so frustrating to watch. Ray knew that his body was capable of punching the criminal with a blow so powerful, it would render him unconscious, but it was a little hard to do that when Frankini kept prodding him and not stepping up to fight properly. "For god's sake, make a fist!"

He was getting his ass handed to him and it was embarrassing. There were his sidekicks beating dudes with their own pieces of wood and stomping on the bridge of their noses until they choked on their own blood, whilst Raykini was being launched into walls by a guy who added "bruh" after every word. Just one hit and he'd be winning, it really wasn't that hard. "Come on, Frankini!—I mean, me!"

"Hey! You leave my not-boyfriend alone!" (y/n) hissed at Go Bro as she caught him moments away from whacking the precious body of her lover and she caught his arm just in time. Dragging away from him, Frankini as he quivered, literally being her not-boyfriend in more than one way, she held the guy steady so Henry could punch him in the jaw with a quick jab, making him skid across the floor. Yeah, he was her fiancé, not her boyfriend but at the same time, he wasn't, that's just how confusing the day had been.

"You good? You okay?" Henry asked Frankini as he clutched over Captain Man's heart and tried to calm down. How did they do this every day? He was much more accustomed to a life of luxury, well, as luxurious as prison gets and he had never worked that hard in his life, not that he'd actually done any real fighting, more like he just kept Go Bro busy whilst they dealt with his dumb heavies.

"Watch out!" (y/n) cried and dragged Frankini in front of her and Henry as Go Bro came at them with a stool. Normally, she'd never force him to take the pain just so she could stay safe, maybe for Henry but not her. Saying that Ray never minded shielding her, not when he knew it would be fine, so she figured that he wouldn't mind them using Frankini and his body to stop the pain. She'd had enough of healing otherwise fatal wounds for one day, so he could take it, maybe it would teach him to not be such a baby.

"Swing!" Ray shouted as he watch his body take the blow, the stool smashing upon impact and now that Go Bro was down, it was the perfect opportunity to strike. That's what heroes trained for, waiting until their opponent left themselves open and if he was controlling that hot body of his then he'd have beaten that guy to a pulp by now. His sweet girl would also have not crashed through the roof, he'd have figured something else out, maybe, because he hated how sad she'd looked when she was writhing around in agony.

"Watch out!" The warning came too late as Go Bro's goon punched Frankini in the face and then his boss did the same, them getting the hits in easily since Captain Man was not living up to his reputation today. Seriously, he was supposed to be the world's best fighter and he was being thrown around like a rag doll, it was great for them. As he stumbled away, the sidekicks took the initiative and grabbed onto the doorframe when they'd been hiding behind Ray and used their upper body strength to pull themselves up and each kick a man in the face. Working out had really been paying off for them.

Frankini had come up with a genius idea too. He figured that hitting people would really hurt, so he found some ski boots that would protect his muscles nicely, even though Captain Man's fists had been punching so long that he felt nothing now, not to mention that his suit had built-in protection. Sure, it kinda worked when a goon broke his fingers after punching the metal studs, but he looked ridiculous and was even clumsier than before now that he had two lumps of heavy leather, metal and plastic on his hands. "Go, kid! Get 'em! Come on, sweet girl!"

Whilst Frankini was clowning around, Henry and (y/n) were doing some serious numbers on Go Bro. The boy slammed another stool down onto his back after he'd punched him to the ground and (y/n) booted him in the ribs, hoping that her steel toes provided extra pain for the guy who'd made her day miserable. Nuke or Turk or whatever rushed at her when he saw stupid Miss Danger hurting his boss, but she merely threw an elbow back and left Henry to deal with him as he stumbled from the pain in his nose. The kid punched and moved him towards the back of the lodge, where there was a drop down the side of an embankment of snow and with one strong kick, Henry sent the goon on a one-way trip down the side of the mountain, so he was no longer their problem. "Nice, kid!"

"Miss Danger, look out!" Frankini screamed as Go Bro charged at the woman, who was too preoccupied with smiling at Henry's sick ass-kicking to notice that she had a problem of her own. Okay, she'd give Frankini that one, he did well; she reacted in the nick of time, taking Go Bro down to the floor with her full body weight, something that thoroughly impressed her real lover and the one masquerading as him when she pushed his body over her head by digging her feet into his stomach and pulling him forward so he'd lose his balance. Ray and Frankini, no matter which body there were in, were simping over her so hard, one so proud of his sweet girl and the other applauding how much of a badass she was, especially when in the throes of action.

"Okay, kid, he's all yours..." (y/n) growled to Henry as she scrambled to her feet, making the teen smirk as he slid to his knees and began beating Go Bro repeatedly, punching him maybe ten times in under six seconds since he had super fast reflexes, he might as well use them. Ray grinned as he watched his enemy groan from his sidekick's blows, unable to react since it was all happening too fast for him to do anything. "Yeah, hyper-motility! Boomboomboomboomboomboom!"

"T-K-O!" Ray exclaimed as Go Bro slumped to the floor, utterly defeated and unconscious from Henry's machine-gun assault and Frankini cheered as (y/n) helped Henry up by offering him a hand. He was just happy that the fighting was over and that he didn't have to do anything anymore, although saying "we did it!" wasn't exactly accurate. We? He just stood there, slapped a few people and took a few hits, Miss Danger and Kid Danger did all the real work, he was scared shitless for most of it. Plus, he really needed to remember that Captain Man couldn't do the high victory kicks that he could; he just wasn't flexible. "Ow!

"You okay?" (y/n) asked Henry as she pulled him up, breathing a sigh of relief now that it was over, they were safe, Ray and Grandma Sullivan hadn't been injured and Go Bro was off to jail, so really, it was a good day's work, one that Frankini would never do ever again. He was exhausted and he'd decided that Captain Man's life wasn't for him, even if being him meant that he'd get to be with Miss Danger all day and she was so awesome. Nearly as awesome as him.

"Yeah..." Henry groaned as he stood up, feeling his muscles starting to seize up from being overworked and the bruises from the fall were starting to smart. Apart from that though, he felt great and he was looking forward to going home and not doing anything else for the rest of the day, but first, two people still needed help.

"Nice fighting, kid. And you looked real hot, sweet girl." Ray smirked through Frankini's face, making her blush weirdly like he was a different man flirting with her, something that kept happening every time he spoke to her. Sure, Henry didn't want to hear it, but she'd missed having him close to her and if she didn't focus on the fact that he looked like a criminal right now, it was like she was with her doofus. Almost. 

"Gross, but thanks. Ma'am, are you all right?" Henry grinned as they walked up to the cart where the old lady and their boss were handcuffed to the railings, meaning that they would have been resigned to the ride if Go Bro had actually pressed the button. No matter, Kid Danger and Miss Danger were there now and ready to take Grandma Sullivan and the doofus home so everything could back to normal.

"Oh, yes! Would you like to see some pictures of my grandchildren?" Grandma Sullivan offered the sidekicks as they checked if that asshole had harmed her, but she just took it all as good fun. Saying that though, Henry and (y/n) really didn't need to see some random children, even if they were probably precious and it would make the lady super happy, they couldn't find the energy to fake-smile through her photo album.

"Absolutely not." Well, he could've said it nicer than that, but eh. (y/n) would scold him later, for now, she was just trying to stop her tummy fluttering at how Raykini was staring at her and smiling softly. It was the kind of feeling she used to get when they were only just exploring their feelings and her hot, older boss' attention made her flounder and she put it down to him being like a new person—because he was, and things were about to get weirder.

"Arghhhh!" All of a sudden, Goomer of all people dropped from the sky and landed in a large snowdrift that meant the fall wasn't too bad, not that he'd lose much if he hit his head. Was Schwoz still hovering one them? He must've been if the oaf was able to land next to the lodge and honestly, it was a surprise to see him, but at the same time, it wasn't. He was Goomer, he was just weird and he still had his potato. Go figure.

"I fell out of the helicopter!" He yelled over the noise of the aircraft above him and took another bite of his food, although it had been tainted by snow and other bits of debris, he didn't mind. It was a good potato and how could he care? It was snowing and it was magical, like a winter wonderland that made him so happy, the others rolled their eyes at his childlike amazement.

"Don't forget to like and subscribe," Henry smirked to no one in particular, thinking that it just sounded cool to say after such an awesome fight and it clearly pumped Grandma Sullivan up from how she yelled after the sick line. That reminded him, they needed to uncuff her and Ray because those rockets were still dangerous and if they went off, then it would all be over with no millions of viewers to make it even slightly worth it. "Come on, ma'am. Let's get you outta this thing."

"Such a nice young man." The grandma cooed as he politely reached from the silver bracelets that tied her to the cart and began to unlock them as (y/n) dealt with Ray, the old lady cooing at how gentlemanly he was, making small talk and everything. Now, that left the young woman with her hero since the kid was preoccupied and Frankini was standing whining about the cold or something, she didn't care, not when an idea came into her head.

Closing her eyes and refusing to look at him, Ray or Frankini's cheeks flushed when she pecked at his cheek, a small reward for everything he'd been through that day, including the body swap, being kidnapped and having to be Frankini of all people. That was brave, strong and it made her heart feel so fluffy and lovey-dovey that she ignored his wrong face and allowed him to feel her lips on what felt like his skin. She couldn't bring himself to kiss him properly, not when she knew that it wouldn't be mint and bubblegum that she'd be tasting, that would ruin the moment and leave her feeling like a traitor. A cheek kiss was good enough and Ray felt like his brain had short-circuited as if it was the first time she'd ever done that.

"I'm ready to go home, sweetheart." She whispered to him, not caring that she could see the real Frankini folding his arms and huffing out of the corner of her eye. No fair, a kiss from Miss Danger and he wasn't in his body to experience it, life was such a bitch, especially since she wasn't opening her eyes so she didn't see his face. She wanted to see Ray, but hearing him was good enough, it made her imagination fill in gaps as his handcuffs clicked open.

"Me too, sweet girl." He whispered back, bringing her into a featherlight hug just so he could feel her warmth against the bitter cold of the mountains around them. Home sounded good, but being back to normal, and thus going back to her, sounded even better.

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

Vengeance Is Mine- Day 3 of watching Con's Filmography

I'm live posting my reaction cause I don't think this one will be as thought-provoking to need an essay as Telstar.

Love to hear your thoughts down below!

If you have any Con recommendations, I'd love to hear them. I've watched Telstar, Uncle, OFMD, Chornobyl, and Blood Brothers. Planning to watch Cucumber, though I've heard mixed things.

Content Warning for car crashes, suicidal imagery, suicidal ideation, gun violence, murder, explicitly shown drug use, wounds, and overdosing.

the effects are what they are. Keep expectations low; we're here for Sad Con, not anything else, really.

LOVE the DIY suicide chair. It's definitely not how I, or anyone, would do it. Was the plan to bleed out? He'd stumble over the legs, then fall onto the ground. There's a good chance the tape wouldn't hold.

I know he hates himself, but that church has to be freezing cold. My guy, throw on a hoodie and some sweats.

If only you could go to therapy or a support group. Like the one, you watched creepily. Probably couldn't afford it.

You know, that getting-hit-by-a-car effect wasn't as bad as I expected.

I like that since he doesn't talk to people when he talks, it's all cracked and unused.

WHY WOULD YOU GET IN THE CAR OF CRIMINALS. I know this guy you're following was an accomplice to a hit-and-run, and you have no self-preservation. BUT HOLY SHIT, MAN.

Con is too good at playing depressed dissociation.

Imagine being a criminal, and you aren't hunted down by cops but by a guy whose family you accidentally murdered 5 years ago.

Most sturdy switchblade to ever be invented.

GUN TIME, BABY. Does he know how to use, shoot, or take care of it? Who knows? The idea that British people know how to use a gun based on American media and general pop culture is odd.

You probably aren't meant to eat the decoy sandwich. That's to hide suspicion. Not for eating.

GET IT CON! I can't do a single pushup, so this is enough of a training montage for me(I don't think we learn his name, so Con it is. If we were supposed to learn it with the letters in the beginning, I've already forgotten it)

Love the candle imagery/ holding your hand close to a candle for no reason. This makes 2 characters of his that do this shit. why is he doing this? Does the fire make him stronger?

I know this is the first kill, but babe, anyone could grab that gun out of your hand. Wandering around with it out isn't smart either. LOVE THE SHAKING.

OW. That looked like it fucking hurt. Also, the camera angle makes it look like he gets stabbed anywhere from the arm, chest, neck and eye. Which is great. I think he gets it in the shoulder.

"That's my pen." Priorities

I love that Con looks as messed up about murdering a guy as the guy getting murdered

"Just like we killed those bitches" Well, that sealed the deal

I don't know why he's standing up to clean his wounds like that. He could sit, or lie down. STOP EATING THE FUCKING SANDWICHES.

Love interest? Okay, I'll roll with it. Maybe the best time to hit on her isn't when she's talking about her dead husband.

Love the hoodie, chest half out look con.

She immediately went for the tits in the make-out session, a wise option.

Good to know Con-the actor does the whole mouth staring thing to indicate interest. Putting that in my back pocket.

"Still Married?" "Separated." BITCH she literally told you her husband was dead. BOND. make a single friend. I know it's probably just in case so his crimes can't be returned to him, but Jesus Christ.

"Do you know what they (the French) call an orgasm?" WTF. Why are you like this? I will have that line in my brain now. It's definitely going into a fic.

Murder Con vibing to pop music on his way to a kill is just funny.

Say what you will; I'm impressed they got so many locations to film this.

You are in a grassy field, in a dark black winter coat and baseball cap. You should have been spotted ages ago.

CHARGE!

Well, he's got maybe half of them so far. Screwed the pooch a bit on that one. Please deal with your knife wounds. New gun acquired.

If only shotguns worked like that.

GO TO A FUCKING HOSPITAL AND SAY YOU WERE MUGGED

Okay. So in the pharmacy, I think he wanted the controlled substances to kill himself? Maybe? I don't know why else he'd want them.

OH, GOOD. A pharmacist shouldn't do that. Unless Pharmacists in the UK are so much different. Also, he's going to get addicted to morphine, isn't he?

"I'm getting old." MAM, you are WRONG. Not a single gray hair or wrinkle, or crows foot, what are you on.

Also, Sans Undertale Con look.

HARRY. Love the name. Love that they were polite enough for her to leave the room to threaten him.

OW

FROM THE 2nd STORY ONTO A TABLE. RUN. RUN MY MAN.

"He fucking bit me" ICON

I don't know what he's doing, but he's doing it, and he's about to get himself killed. (He's just running through a field wounded for some fucking reason)

Oh no, half-naked wounded Con, whatever will I do.

I like that British people always seem to offer cookies. It's very lovely. In a Paddington sort of way.

WHY DOES HE OWN HORSES. Oh, he left this life to go become a church person for the past 5 years. Funny that he passed out, got rescued, and then insists to be housed and left alone.

WHAT IS THIS WHIMSICAL MUSIC. It's legit from a Breath Of The Wild soundtrack to visit his family's graves.

GET SUITED UP FOR MURDER BITCH.

That definitely isn't how you hold a shotgun, but it looks fucking badass, and he has a shit arm, so I'm cool with it.

Well, the deeds have been done, is he going to kill himself or move on....

HE'S SMILING YEY!

Nvm. Morphine overdose on their graves. Damn. Thought he'd move on once they were all dead. Damn.

Wait

Love interest on the beach?

He joins her?

Is he imagining this before he dies? Is that her dead husband?

Music: 8/10. Not a big action piece that covers the acting. Besides the music at the end everything fit really well. I think they should have swapped the end song at the graves with the first grave song.

Film overall besides Con: 6-7/10. Very self-contained story. Shame he wasn't able to make a new life, but at least he found peace in the end. Con is the only real standout just because it's so short and mainly focused on Harry.

Effects: 6-7/10 This had a budget, but the only stuff that really took me out was the gun stuff and the opening gun fight.

Con:8 maybe even a 9/10. Even with a script where he doesn't talk, he radiates the vibe. He's sad, and not afraid to have those 'ugly/embarrassing faces' I love so much about his work. He knows he's breathing with his mouth open, grunting, and looking half dead and rocks it. He can do so much with just his face. It's impressive. It lets the audience not see him as an actor but as a character in a shitty situation. Loved the scenes between him and the love interest. Loved that he kept up how injured he was throughout the film. When he's stabbed in the arm early on Con makes sure to keep it braced, it's a good touch.

At first I gave him a 8 until I remembered I've watched blood brothers then Telstar then this. Then I remembered the OFMD pannel video I remembered that he is genuinely a fun and happy person, which bumped the rating up higher. He just seems so fucking sad in all his roles.

Movie Overall: 7/10. Would watch again, and wished he got to live a happier life after.

I'd love to see everyone's interpretation of that ending.

[feelingofcontent]

DNP Rewatch: Dan and Phil try PUMPKIN CARVING!

Date video was published: 10/31/2018 (X)

DNP Main Channel Rewatch: 382

The 2018 Halloween video! So many great joint videos in 2018. It’s back to Phil’s channel this year for the first time since 2014. Also, a step away from the baking.

0:00 - second video in a row where Phil stuck at clip (of funny Dan) at the start as a sort of “preview”

0:06 - still got the TATINOF cubes in the background like they had for Easter baking

0:10 - such a casual touch from Phil

0:19 - Dan checking out Phil’s whole look there

0:29 - “it’s very Dan” 🥺 also is Dan implying that Phil had gotten him a matching apron?

0:52 - also you know...the video title (hahaha, forgot Phil said the same thing a second later)

1:03 - it is a gourd, right? also love Phil’s huge laugh without him trying to cover it up

1:30 - if only we’d known how “late into the game” it was

1:33 - was the sexy-music over the pumpkin rubbing necessary 👀

1:54 - “we did not go to a pumpkin patch” ...”those Instagram ‘people’” (read, “couples”)

2:24 - I feel like they must be scratching-up that stovetop so much during this, yikes

2:40 - there was a carved pumpkin in the background of Dan’s ENVY video in 2012, so maybe then!

3:12 - they really should give this warning at the start of baking videos too 😂

3:19 - love the zoom-ins on Dan’s facial expressions when Phil says...things. and the “Nelly” annotation

3:56 - Dan already shaking his head

4:20 - jesus christ. between “tag yourself” and “that’s the last time we’re touching knives today” with the record scratch. um. 😳 Dan’s just given up

4:46 - yeah I was worried for Phil’s safety watching this the first time when they posted it

5:01 - the audio-only version of this video would be something else

5:16 - “waitwaitwait, let’s do it at the same time” ...Phil. 😳

5:28 - Dan immediately going for the licks

5:38 - I love this bit... “nature’s crazZzZy” 😂

5:44 - “we could start a new life as pumpkin growers” why was that so soft 🥺

5:45 - ...annnnd then it devolves

6:05 - literally so many record scratch noises in this

6:30 - Phil continually not knowing that pumpkin spice is not the same as pumpkin is hilarious

6:43 - a lot less close-ups then in the baking videos, but still some. also, why is Phil watching soap-chopping videos? lol

7:00 - Phil does not like the feeling of that

7:27 - and then a very sticky high-five...Dan with the “bro” hahaha

7:54 - another bit for the out-of-context audio edit there

8:02 - why do I feel like they must dare each other to do stupid things all the time

8:17 - Dan immediately dying of laughter while Phil desperately tries to spit into the bowl...wow

8:28 - not sure we needed a slow motion replay

8:40 - adorable Dan

9:09 - Dan with an aborted arm movement there; not sure what he was going to do and then stopped

9:26 - Dan already has a plan!

9:38 - always with the play-fighting...Dan really getting his hips involved here 👀

9:53 - Phil just goes for it...also always something going on in his brain

10:06 - and Dan is so hesitant

10:15 - jesus christ “nose first” and the very unneeded eyebrow raise

10:43 - the height difference! really obvious in this clip

10:55 - love that they immediately made Phil think of the candy

11:25 - lol at the heavy breathing sound effects

11:44 - Phil looks proud of himself

12:12 - what a Phil story... and Dan with the “can’t believe you invented drag” 😂

12:17 - Phil just stabbing the pumpkin without looking at it seems dangerous

12:28 - of course Phil was in charge of getting the candy

12:46 - I love when one of them goes “I KNEW you were gonna do that”

12:49 - “lick it!” again...Phil.

13:19 - Dan is very into the candy necklace...also just noticing that very little of this video is actually them carving the pumpkins

13:37 - “it suits ya” they really do think the other always looks good, huh?

13:47 - I can’t believe Dan can deal that around his neck to begin with

14:08 - montage for the actual carving with limited talking, it seems, so they can actually concentrate...Dan keeps glancing off to the side so I wonder if he has some sort of reference he’s looking at

15:16 - it really is that exact Dan face 😂

15:20 - Phil’s pumpkin is so happy!

15:45 - that is a bit too old for trick-or-treating, though I don’t mind seeing groups of kids that age if they’ve really put effort into their costumes

15:51 - “I was a sexy emo” umm. I know this has been discussed before that Dan started watching Phil’s videos when he was 16, so he might be implying that he dressed up as Phil here...which would be fantastic and hilarious

16:01 - “Phil, that’s perfect!” awww 🥺

16:17 - Dan doing it on the side like it’s a mirror 

16:30 - Phil is so proud of that joke. and so is Dan. I love it

16:46 - I think they turned out so well, actually. Dan posted photos of his pumpkin too, so he must have been pretty proud of it

16:47 - god Dan is so sincerely complimentary of Phil in this video 😭

17:21 - now Phil with the soft touches to the Dan-pumpkin too

17:51 - “I just thought about the dramatic delivery, I didn’t think about the reality” is the most Dan thing I’ve ever heard

18:03 - Dan’s got to make it perfect

18:15 - perfect delivery there. also there’s another pumpkin down on the table to the side, so did they have a test one or something in case they messed up?

18:27 - it’s so cute!

18:50 - “calm down there bub” 🥺

19:18 - gotta get the promo in of course

19:55 - every time they talk about the gaming channel I just miss it now

20:11 - the look on Dan’s face when Phil says “subscribe to Dan” 😂

I love this video. They filmed just a few days ahead of time - Dan shared a couple of Insta stories (1, 2) and they also did a live show that evening.

[luci-cunt]

im about to go to sleep but when i awaken i hope to find an essay from you on how i get into hermitcraft

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (just got home from work and I have a new puppy so I will be dead for the next week but here's this very quick overview bc I love you and also Hermitcraft)

SO--YOU WANNA FALL DEEPER DOWN THE MCYT HOLE BC DSMP WASN'T CONVOLUTED ENOUGH???? TIRED OF INCOMPREHENSIBLE LORE AND HARD-TO-FOLLOW PLOTLINES FILLED WITH ANGST AND TRAUMA??? WANT SOMETHING A BIT MORE LAID BACK????

OH BOY DO I HAVE THE ANSWER FOR YOU!!!

First of all: Hermitcraft is essentially a series where a bunch of super talented and pretty longstanding mcyt-ers play on a single minecraft server for a period of a "season" and build absolutely fucking insane bases and vibe together. It's all very structured and organized so on every member's channel u'll find playlists for each season.

(oh and by longstanding mcyt-ers I mean literal pioneers in the mcyt community, people who have redstone inventions named after them bc they've been around longer than the redstone itself--etc)

The server is super chill!!! Everyone is very nice and they all get along super well and coordinate things on a discord server so that everyone's got all the info and they also prioritize building over basically everything--which means like, fire tic is off (meaning fire cannot spread), you do not steal anythign unless you will pay it back at least like twice over (once Grian accidentally killed ppl so he grinded them out full enchanted netherite armor/tools + some blocks and this is literally just like, what everyone does)

But!!!! besides all that!!!! where do you start *watching*!!!!

There are something like,,, 30 members on teh HC server??? more??? I cannot remember. Every one of them posts Hermitcraft episodes to their youtube channels, but there's also a HC recap youtube channel dedicated to weekly recaps of all hermit activity which you can find here!!

The thing about HC is that everytime there's a new update to MC, or even just the server starts to get stale--they throw out the world and start a new, completely empty one from scratch and thus is a new "season." Currently we're only a few episodes into the 8th season!

I watch a very limited scope of HC but--here are my limited reccomendations

GRIANNNNNNNN: because of course, we love grian, we stan grian, he has cats--what more could you ask for? Yes you've seen him gracing your screen in MCC and killing it, and you've also most likely seen him in fanart comparing him to Philza bc both are badass MC players with ✨wings✨he's chaotic and super creative and very kind! he also builds lots of mega builds and they are *incredible.* You're gonna wanna watch him if you want some good, lighthearted gremlin content.

Goodtimeswithscar: my BELOVED!!! This man is like, chaos but make it absolutely harmless. He is Dr. Doofenshmurtz levels of unfunctioning in the best ways possible. Mans tries so hard to be a villain and he just akjsd;lfja;sldfkj cannot pull it off and I adore him so much for it. Also he's got a new vibe every season--last season he was a wizard who lived in a giant snail before moving into a massive mining-construciton-thing??? And this season he has very much Howl's Moving Castle vibes. He also streams on twitch!!! Which I would totally recommend bc he's very chill and fun to listen to. You're gonna wanna watch him if you want a little bit more spice to your episodes--what is that spice exactly? Just watch and you'll see >:))

Some honorable mentions of ppl I don't really watch but love:

Pearlescentmoon: she's a new member to the HC server this season and I love her!!! I've only seen her a bit in Grian and Scar's vids but she took down an entire build just to rotate it like 90 degrees we stan an icon.

Mumbojumbo: a redstone fucking madman--also like--posh?? but in an unoffensive way?? I have no idea this man is so white but also I love him?? that doesn't describe him right just--just watch something of his and you'll understand.

Bdubs: my BELOVED!!! he's just aslkjd;flajsdflk everything, idk man just watch a vid and you'll be in love he's just aslkjdf;lasjkf everything. His starter house is a massive moon with a clock hanging from it it's so pog I love him so much watch his videos

OH AND WHAT'S THAT???? YOU GET HOOKED ON HC CONTENT BUT THINK,,,,,,, 'HM--THERE'S NOT QUITE ENOUGH MURDER IN THIS'???

BRO I"VE GOT THE ANSWER FOR YOU!

(also it's very short--I think there's only like 8 episodes cuz there was only 8 sessions--it's complicated but Grian explains it in the first ep dw)

3rd Life SMP

(everyone has 3 lives--losing the first 2 means nothing, but once you die 3 times you goal becomes to kill every other player on the server. It does not go over like this. Roleplay ensues. Gays are had. What the fuck why does Ren have a scottish accent--why is he dead--MARTYN WHAT--)

You want wholesome gays with a bit of angst but an overall happy ending that will make you cry???

Watch Mr. Gaming and Scott Smajor's POV

(they live in a flower filled valley in little hobbit holes and they are husbands and they are not going to murder people bc that is not what nice people do and--oh my god did you just fucking kill my husband alright murder is ok--)

You want lighthearted, roleplay light hilarity???

Watch Grian and Scar's POV

(there's a llama named pizza, grian is bloodthirsty and not even on his red life, and scar really just would rather steal cookies and scam ppl out of their nice clothes than kill ppl)

You want somethign I can't even really describe but there's royalty involved?? and people dying for one another and very dramatic rp??

WATCH THE RED KING AND HIS HAND BRING UPON THE RED WINTER

(there's not even an explanation I can give here, I love them, they're killing it)

(there are other awesome ppl on the server but that's who I was mostly watching, also--Maj--to get you invested here's some mostly spoiler free cool fanart to hook you and some shitposts that are hilarious and very accurate <3 XDD)

Be warned tho man,,, that last episode--on anyone's POV alk;jsdf;lajsd it's ajlsd;fkjsad;lfkj just

Ok sleep time now, I had to cuddle a needy puppy like, throughout this whole thing and typed most of it with one hand you would not believe how hard it is to find and link this many things with one hand if you do not click on every single link I will know and I will stab you <3

[daegall]

Habits

↳ where donghyuck develops habits after he meets you

pairing: lee donghyuck x reader

genre: fluff

warnings: frozen ice cream >:(

word count: 2.6k words

a/n: Hi! Okay i know he ending is literal shit, but please bare with me 😭 i will do better i swear! I have lots planned and if yall are patient, then it will come in no time (thats a lie :(( ) OKAY IM SORRY BYE

networks: @neoturtles

description: There are certain amounts of things you have done that affected Donghyuck, you changed his attitude, the way he sees things, he even likes Pizza because of you. But one of the things that stood out that you have done to him is make him adapt habits. Of course, you didn't force him to, it just appeared one day and Donghyuck didn't seem to mind them. So here are some things you he has grew onto him because of you.

Buying an extra cup of coffee

This particular habit grew on him before you two started dating, one morning when you sat sluggishly next to him in history class he couldn't help bur notice how dead and tired you looked.

The moment you trudge into the room, Donghyuck couldn’t help but wince at your tired face. Your eyes heavy and steps slowed as if there was a whole boulder in your bag. “Dude, you look like you have Mark’s schedule.”

God knows how you would deal with that packed of a schedule, you’d die. Mark Lee is really something else.

You begrudgingly flopped next to Donghyuck, sighing out a breath of exhaustion, "Goddam Mr. Kim had to give us a 5000 word essay on climate change," you groan, slapping your face lightly to try and wake up, "Who the fuck had the idea to invent plastic?"

Donghyuck only chuckles, grabbing his coffee cup from his bag, beginning to tale a swig. He stops halfway when he notices you banging your head continuously with the thick history book, sticking out his hand with the coffee in between your forehead and the hard book, just before you slam your head on it again. "Take a sip," he urges, lightly tapping it on your cheek.

You don't remember, but you think you grinned, because Donghyuck is laughing at your eagerness. "I'm taking a huge gulp!" You half tease, knowing you were actually gonna take about 3 of them. Donghyuck hisses, flicking the side of your hand momentarily, before sighing, "Just take the whole thing."

You did so gratefully, even if Donghyuck thought you were gonna give it back. After that, he would pay attention to your responses to his texts, seeing wether you're in a good mood or not.

If you reply with an 'okay bob, pick me up in 20' then there's no need to buy an extra cup, if you reply with quite a dry text he's bringing one just in case and giving it to Mark if you don't need it. However if you're responding with swear words and angry emojis it's time to rush and get that coffee you need.

It became like this for a while, that is, until exams started. He noticed how moody and tired you got, constantly buying coffee without even having to see or ask. But now that you're a lot busier he's picking you up and giving you coffee and a grilled cheese, having a donut for himself.

Ever since then you two would just spend breakfast in the car, talking while eating and maybe even getting up earlier to just chill in the school parking lot to eat before class started, but only if you two are feeling extra energized.

This is a habit he realizes he has, and he actually likes because it reminds him of how he asked you to become his girlfriend in his car one time when you went to the school parking lot at 5 in the morning. That's a hour and a half earlier than you usually go to, and you two watched as the sun raised in the trunk of his car.

At that time, you decided to get grocery store ice cream tubs instead, you had a sudden crave that Donghyuck agreed to. You got a bit of ice cream at the corner of your lip, and Donghyuck decided that was the perfect opportunity to pull a clique little ' "you got a little bit there" and then proceeds to kiss you.' Yeah you failed your Math test that day because you were so distracted.

Your coffee felt warm in your hands, but the cold early morning wind nipped at your skin at the same time, urging you to take a sip from the paper cup once again. The only thing warm besides the hot coffee in your hand was Donghyuck, who sat close next to you to produce some warmth. Which was dumb because you had ice cream waiting to be devoured handing in a plastic bag in front of the semi-broken air conditioning to stay cool.

Donghyuck glanced behund him to see how the ice cream was doing, sighing when he sees no changes in the ice cream, the AC must’ve broken already. “Hey, ice cream’s melting, better eat it now before you have to drink it from a plastic bag.” He nudges at your thigh.

You nod, hopping off the trunk to go get the ice cream. Quickly stealing ut from the driver’s seat, you hurry back to Donghyuck for warmth, handing him his own ice cream. “Thanks,” he takes the cold treat from your hand, opening the cap open and sticking his spoon into the tub. He had a napoleon flavored tub of ice cream, while you got Rocky Road.

Though the AC of Donghyuck’s car was broken and some of the ice cream melted, the closer you get to the middle the more you realize it’s still frozen. “Damn dude, that’s a whole glacier.” Donghyck commented, eating a spoon of his own ice cream. You suddenly stop trying to destroy the frozen block of ice, “Yo have you heard how David Attenborough says glacier?”

“...what?”

“Dude we’re gonna watch ‘our planet’ later on today, I can’t believe you haven’t heard him say glacier!” You say as you stab your spoon into your ice cream, successfully breaking the bug block of ice. You scoop a big spoonful and shove it messily in your mouth, slurping when some dripped down your lips.

Donghyuck pursed his lips at the sight of the sticky treat stucking to the corner of your lips, putting his tub down, “You got a little bit there,” he points to yor mouth. Eyes widening, you blinly search for the ice cream around your mouth. Donghyuck stops you from wiping your mouth with your sleeve, taking it to his lap.

You’re about to protest, when Donghyuck catches your words in his lips. It takes you a few moments, but you kiss back, tasted the slight strawberry ice cream that stuck to his lips and tongue, and you’ve never loved how it tasted as much as this. He quickly pulled away, licking he remains of your ice cream off his lips.

“The fuck was that?”

“I really like you.”

————————————————————————————————————————

Waiting for you to dry his hair

This habit came about one night when he came put the shower in shorts and a big t-shirt, his towel plopped lazily on his hair. He came back home from working out with Renjun, and he subconsciously layed down on the couch right next to you.

He shoved his wet hair with the towel on your lap, and you being you, you stared to dry it for him. At that time Donghyuck felt great, it was like you were some kind of human form of a hairdryer.

Donghyuck plopped doen next to you in the couch, water dripping onto the couch. You purse your lips, looking up to Donghyuck’s wet hair, “You gonna dry it?” Your boyfriend nods, patting the green towel on top of his head. You laugh when observing the towel, it’s the one you giften to him for his 18th birthday. There was a small frog peeking out at the corner and Donghyuck adored it.

The boy sighs, suddenly resting his head on your thighs. You assume he wants you to do it, so you gently start tot rub the top of his head with the material. Donghyuck peeks one eye open in surprise, humming im delight when you start to run your fingers through his damp hair. You grin at his reaction, bringing the towel uo to dry the ends of his hair.

You carefully dance your palms against his cheeks, making sure you don’t press too hard. Donghyuck turns his head to the side, placing a peck onto the pad of your thumb, as a gesture of thanks, you guess, and you kiss his cheek in return.

It’s evenings like this he longs, just calming moments with each other before all the stress comes and drowns you two. Just the most simple gestures warms his heart and awakens the knowledge that everything is going to be alright.

You continue your work peacefully, soon massaging his scalp and fluffing his hair up. Donghyuck let’s out a breath of relief, burying his head to your stomach. The material of the sweater you use is somehow so comforting, almost lulling him to sleep.

You run your hands through his head one more time, before grabbing the frog towel and ruffle his hair softly, “There we go, all nice and fluffy.” You mumble, fiddling with the short hairs on the nape of his neck. Donghyuck looks back up at you, a little smile soon appearing on his lips. He reaches up, pecking you shortly, before completely falling asleep on your lap.

Since then Donghyuck has always waited for you to come find him with damp hair and the frog towel, innocently asking you to dry it. Unbeknownst to him, you absolutely adore drying and taking care of his hair, it showed that he trusted you enough to let you do whatever you wanted. And plus, his hair was just really soft and you love playing with it.

There was this one time you came back home after a long day of hanging out with your friends and as soon as you opened the door Donghyuck attacted you with hugs and shoving his wet hair into your neck, inviting you to come in and dry it for him. As much as it was a habit, he likes to say it’s a silent agreement, which you agreed to as well.

————————————————————————————————————————

Going out with comfortable clothes

When it comes to Donghyuck, he used to want to go out looking extravagant and show stopping, with style that wpuld have everyone staring at him, but after hanging out with you countless of times, he soon chose to wear sweaters and sandals when going out with you.

The first time he went out in comfortable clothes he felt more confident, which he thought was really strange because if you look better you should feel better as well, right?

“Hyuck have you seen my-“ You walk into Donghyuck’s room, surprised to see him wearing skinny jeans and a leather jacket, your cheeks slowly heating up. “Seen what, babe?” He asked, adjusting the collar of his jacket. He turns in confusion when you don’t reply, eyes widening when he notices you’re only in leggings and one of his hoodies.

“What?” Donghyuck asks, tilting his head at your flustered form. You snap out of your daze, meeting Donghyuck’s eyes, “H-huh? Oh- no- uh you just seem really dressed, I mean we’re going grocery shopping, right?” Hyuck nods, shrugging, “Yeah, that’s why I’m all dressed up... do I not look good?”

You shake your head, and point a finger at him, “No, you look really good. It’s just- what’s better than feeling confident comfortably? And besides, you’re already hot! What’s more boyfriend material than the classic hoodie and sweats?” You reassure, patting Donghyuck’s cheeks.

The young adult smirks, reaching out to catch the swinging hoodie drawstrings on his hoodie you wore, “Should we match then? Wearing my hoodies?” You look down and recognize the piece of clothing as in fact, Donghyuck’s, sheepishly looking up and mumbling a small apology.

That afternoon Donghyuck didn’t think abour how he looked, he didn’t care what people thought, he was confident comfortably next to you, he felt like he was the luckiest person in the world just because he had you to reassure him and hype him up.

After that, whenever he goes out, whether it’s with you or with his friends, he goes out in comfort and not quality, why would he want to attract attention when he has endless amounts right at home where you were?

In the beginning that was the reason, but after some time being comfortable brought out his true personalities and he became so much happier. He was often self conscious and insecure, but his friends and family, including you, were always there to stop him from doubting himself. And now he feels carefree and unbothered to the worlds opinions, which made all his loved ones proud.

————————————————————————————————————————

Good morning and good night kisses

This habit developed after you craved a good morning kiss one day, which made Donghyuck completely melt and give you multiple morning, afternoon, evening, and night kisses. It was just one whole day with Hyuck’s lips either in yours or your skin. Very blissful and has to be your favorite part of the day.

When you wake up, the first thing you see is Hyuck’s bare and beautiful sunkissed face, and you couldn’t be happier to wake up to this. He seems to be scrolling through twitter, one arm thrown under your head. Your arms looping around his waist informed him that you were awake, and he smiled at you dearly.

You lift it, so then he can retract his arm comfortably, but instead Donghyuck bends his elbow and drags you closer. You smile and stay right there, savoring the moment as it is rare, Donghyuck usually has to go to work really early in the morning.

Nothing could be more perfect for you, his smiling face, the peaceful morning, warm atmosphere, it just couldn’t get any better than this. But there was one thing you really wanted to try with Donghyuck.

You pucker your lips out dramatically to him, which grazes his cheek and jaw, “Good morning kiss,” you mumble through pulled lips. Your boyfriend laughs at the sight, throwing his head back into the headboard. You stop puckering yor lips, eyebrows furrowed in frustration, “What?”

“You’re absolutely adoreable!” Donghyuck cooed, squishing your face with his hands. You grimace once he doesn’t give you a kiss, turning around turning away from him pettily. Your boyfriend laughs at your disappointment, climbing over your body and flopping to the other side, “Hello,” he mumbles right into your face.

You grumble back a greeting, closing your eyes and pushing your face into the pillow in hopes to make Hyuck feel guilty. It obviously doesn’t work, because a smile is itching to pull your lips up when he glides his finger’s up your shirt to tickle your sides. You stifle in a scream of giddiness, and grab Donghyuck’s hands, and then fail as his fingers graze your stomach.

“HYUCK! OKAY PLEASE HYUCK STOPPPP!” You are now pushing Donghyuck’s shoulders away from your body, but keep going down to your body to shield it, you don’t know what to do, push or defend. In the end you only laugh and giggle, screaming Donghyuck’s name.

He eases down the tickling when he sees tears streaming down your pulled cheeks, his own smile shining. You stop laughing, your cheekbones sore frim all the smiling, and yet you still muster a small smile to Donghyuck. He aoftens and melts when you start to play and run your fingers through his hair, leaning into your touch.

“So are you gonna give me that kiss or not?” You ask quietly. Hyuck smiles and lowers his head to lean his forehead oto yours, “Only if I get to give you afternoon, evening, and night kisses as well.” And with a lift of your head your morning wish is granted, and a bad sleep schedule for Hyuck is born.

That kiss changed his routine completely, wasting arohnd a total of an hour just for kissing you. Which actually resulted into a really bad sleep schedule that even you comolain about, but despite loosing sleep, it’s worth stealing a lot more kisses from you, and he’s a lot happier.

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 10 second part

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Meta)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Unclean Realm

Lan Wangji has a Louis Henry Sullivan moment on seeing the Nie family home, becoming enraptured by its overwrought monumental architecture after a lifetime of restrained good taste and single-story buildings.

He approaches the fortress with the expression of delighted wonder that he usually reserves for when he’s looking at the moon or at Wei Wuxian.

Wei Wuxian is like, yep that’s a building, all right, but he supports Lan Wangji’s kinks.  

Meng Yao tells them about the Wen Clan directive, and has what appears to be a moment of genuine, affectionate amusement at Nie Huaisang’s reaction.

Jiang Cheng kinda blames the Lans for inventing the whole “indoctrination” thing and for encouraging his brother’s disaster bi tendencies. Wei Wuxian responds by complimenting the Lan Clan, almost like someone who met his true love got some real value out of the instruction he received there.  

(more after the cut)

One of the great ironies of this story is that Wei Wuxian sort of becomes a rogue Lan disciple because of his relationship with Lan Wangji. He relies on Lan temperament techniques, uses music as a primary cultivation method, has committed all of the Lan rules to his supposedly terrible memory and cites them on multiple occasions, and is an important mentor for the younger generation Lan disciples. Because Hanguang-Jun is just that good in bed.

Xue Yang in the background of this conversation is channeling OP’s church-enduring, school-enduring inner 10-year-old.

Nie Mingjue, Chifeng-Zun, appears, and couldn’t be more different than his brother. On first watching this episode, I saw him as a grumpy, sexy, very emotional leather daddy man who is quick to anger. Rewatching, I see someone who’s struggling with a growing illness...the resentful energy kind.

Nie Mingjue’s handling of resentful energy is very different from Wei Wuxian’s straightforward interest and acceptance. NMJ has a traditional cultivator’s view of it, regarding it as evil and as something to resist, while he is literally carrying it on his back. He’s like a secret alcoholic who is preaching temperence, and can’t find a way to be reconciled with himself.  

At this point of the story, Nie Mingjue is keeping it together, but is under a hell of a lot of stress, and Baxia’s blood thirst is already maybe a problem.

The Yunmeng bros think that Nie Huaisang’s fear of his brother is hilarious, because they don’t understand the situation. They think he’s just living in a hideously toxic family dynamic like theirs, when actually he’s in a loving, sorta healthy, if parentless, family that is being crushed under a generational curse.

Compliments for the Yunmeng Bros

I’m not the first meta poster to notice how happy Jiang Cheng is to be praised by Nie Mingjue.

He never gets this at home. Jiang Yanli praises him, but in that watery “you tried your best” way that doesn’t really stick.  Nie Mingjue’s praise really means something, because he is a fearsome warrior and stern authority figure. And this is a double compliment, because Nie Mingjue says he heard it from Lan Xichen, and agrees with it.

Let’s Make Terrible Decisions

Keep Xue Yang alive, says Wei Wuxian, and Meng Yao immediately agrees, although I’m pretty sure he would have proposed that even if WWX hadn’t.

So they do, not realizing that “kill him later” is never a good plan for someone who 1. super needs killing 2. has a whole lot of death-dealing skills.

Future clan leader Jiang Cheng notices how smart and talented Meng Yao is.  Xue Yang finds it hilarious when the trio praises Meng Yao, possibly because their evil team up is already underway.

Boss’ Bed Warmer Son of a Ho

The constant insults toward Meng Yao are about his mom, but there’s another level of leering implication, that Meng Yao seems to encourage in his conversation with the soon-to-be-murdered guard captain.

Nie Mingjue elevated him way above his expectations, and he is ridiculously pretty, which has to create rumors. In the Nightless City scenes when he’s fondling Baxia and telling Nie Mingjue’s family secrets there’s definitely a sense of intimacy that’s not just “loyal retainer.”

I feel like maybe this whole exchange is a bit of theater designed to show Xue Yang something without showing it to anyone else. Meng Yao didn’t need to have this conversation in front of his prisoner.

Let’s Do Exactly What We Said We Wouldn’t

Once the younger quartet are alone with Nie Mingjue, Wei Wuxian crosses the room away from his friends and practically into Lan Wangji’s pocket, if Lan Wangji had pockets.

He has no pockets and also has no personal bubble any more, when it comes to Wei Wuxian.

We could make a weapon out of Yin Iron, Wei Wuxian says, completely forgetting his entire conversation with Lan Yi, apparently. Lan Wangji doesn’t argue with this idea.

Nie Mingjue warns Wei Wuxian not to try it.

I stabbed a man in Qinghe just to watch him die

Nie Mingjue is like the Johnny Cash of the cultivation world, carrying the weight of his poor choices and trying to steer the young folk to the path of righteousness. But--like Johnny Cash--his bad choices have made him really fucking cool, so he isn’t very good at deterring anybody.

Meng Yao Didn’t Come Here to Make Friends

Immediately after Meng Yao’s fellow Nie clan people call him “son of a whore” again, Wei Wuxian meets him, is nice to him, addresses him by his military title, bows to him, asks why he’s away from the party, and thanks him for his service.

But Meng Yao has already decided to make friends with Xue Yang, so Wei Wuxian goes onto his list of people that he doesn’t give a crap about except if they can be useful to him.  Then Meng Yao goes to make out hatch a plot with Xue Yang.

I’ll Sleep On Your Roof

Meeting SongXiao seems to have done away with the last of Lan Wangji’s resistance to his connection with Wei Wuxian.

He hears a noise on the roof and, when realizing it’s Wei Wuxian, he smiles one of his tiny reserved smiles before heading outside.

When he sees Wei Wuxian drunkenly sprawled on the roof, limbs akimbo, wine on his chin and neck, mouth full of poetry about the open road, Lan Wangji gives him the most fond look imaginable.

Then he reluctantly leaves, with his signature “say goodbye, but only when he can’t hear you” thing.

They’ve both come a really long way since their first meeting. Wei Wuxian is openly and vocally attaching himself to Lan Wangji...but is not actually entering his space or asking for anything from him; he just wants to be near him, and wants to let him know that. “I’ll sleep on your roof tonight.”

And Lan Wangji just...loves him. Wei Wuxian is drunk, embarrassing, demonstrative, eager to make a hell weapon out of yin iron, touchy feely, and absurdly sexy. And Lan Wangji is pretty okay with all of that.

I Might Have Been Drunk

Wei Wuxian carefully avoids telling Jiang Cheng where he was last night.

Even if he did get blackout drunk, he would have woken up on Lan Wangji’s roof. And I don’t think he was as drunk as that. He just knows Jiang Cheng wouldn’t like the truth.

Wen Fucking Chao, Again

Wen Chao shows up to be annoying and boring.  This leads to a pretty good fight between Nie Mingjue and Wen Zhuliu. Note that when the chips are down, Nie Huaisang stands with his Gege without any cowering. Almost as if he had hidden reserves of bravery, and is not as helpless as he lets on.

Wen Zhuliu isn’t styled to be super hot, although he’s certainly compelling, and in Dance of the Phoenix he looks good with sensitive-guy hair wispies. I wonder what actor Feng Mingjing looks like out of character?

BRB, adding a tag to my follow list

Battle Bros

When the fighting breaks out, the Yunmeng brothers are decisive and united, with Wei Wuxian giving orders to Jiang Cheng and JC following without hesitation.

I feel like if these two could have gone through a few big battles together, instead of being separated during most of the Sunshot campaign, their whole relationship would have improved. On the battlefield, they respect, trust, and understand each other.  

The Pointy End

Nie Mingjue is holding his own against Wen Zhuliu, but he gets distracted by Meng Yao hollering “Xue Yang has escaped” and then shanking the guard captain right in front of him.

Wen Zhuliu takes advantage of the distraction to aim a very slow stab at Nie Huasang, and Meng Yao jumps in front to get stabbed on his behalf.

When the Yunmeng bros show up to help NMJ, Wen Zhuliu immeiately yanks Wen Chao back behind him and points his sword at Wei Wuxian. He absolutely sees these two as a serious threat.  Considering that eventually WWX is going to kill Wen Chao while JC kills Wen Zhuliu, this concern is not misplaced.

Wei Wuxian tells Wen Chao to stop being such a jerk, and Wen Chao menaces Wei Wuxian and gloats about the burning of cloud recesses. The burning, that is, of some part of cloud recesses that doesn’t include the library, the Jingshi, the main cultivation chamber, the rabbit warren, or Lan Qiren’s house, unless the Lan Clan is really really good at rebuilding things to very exact specifications.

In a rare moment of seeing Meng Yao’s internal thoughts, he is worried about Lan Xichen when he hears about cloud recesses.

The Yelling Part

Now we have the particularly nasty breakup between Nie Mingjue and Meng Yao. It’s...got some layers. Meng Yao is cowering on the floor, but is not apologizing.

He never apologizes throughout this encounter.

孟瑤無悔  - Meng Yao (has) no regrets

This scene is amazing and excruciating to watch, even more when you know what’s ahead.

What the Fuck is Meng Yao’s Plan

On one level this is Meng Yao, manipulative sociopath, setting up a cover story for his aiding and alliance with Xue Yang.  On another, this is Meng Yao, loving subordinate, being tossed aside by his lord because he dared to stand up for himself.

He uses the same “scout’s honor” gesture we’ve seen Wei Wuxian use to swear he’s telling the truth. Wei Wuxian is always lying when he uses this gesture.

I’m...not sure exactly what Meng Yao’s plan is, with all these chess moves? By stabbing the captain in front of NHS, he created an opportunity to plant a cover story about Xue Yang’s escape. He might be hoping that Nie Mingjue will forgive him and keep him on, while Xue Yang can stay in his back pocket to be used later.

Dry eyes? Try Visene

Or he might be intending to get kicked out, given his non-apology. In any case, Nie Mingjue is weeping during this encounter, and Meng Yao...isn’t. He is signaling distress in his voice, expression, and body language, but his eyes are dry up until the last moment, and even then they just glisten a bit. In a show where every actor is an expert at crying on cue, that’s got to be a deliberate choice.

Which isn’t to say that Meng Yao is faking being full of emotion in this scene. It’s just that the emotion isn’t necessarily sorrow.

What Does Nie Mingjue’s Head Think

Flip the view and this is about Nie Mingjue being betrayed by a subordinate, who has turned out to be a self-serving murderer. And on another level it’s Nie Mingjue being betrayed by his lover, who was just using him for advancement.

I rewatched the later episode where we get the scene as Nie Mingjue’s head perceived it, and he’s particularly brokenhearted and disillusioned from his head’s POV.  In that version there is a telling addition to the conversation.

Nie Mingjue asks about the guys who were roasting Meng Yao behind his back. He asks, if I hadn’t come, would you have murdered all of them?

Um. No, dude. Of course fucking not. That’s what a patriarchal authority does. That’s the way an angry Nie Mingjue/Baxia team might solve a problem.

Meng Yao has to use subterfuge to kill his enemies. And while he super hates being called “son of a whore” it’s absolutely not enough to make him kill someone, with the risk murder brings. Likewise, being treated well isn’t enough to make him spare someone. Nie Mingjue totally doesn’t get this, because he’s been the patriarch of this clan his entire adult life.

And Here’s the Actual Problem

There is a betrayal here, but Nie Mingjue is not simply a victim.  Whether it’s a sexual relationship or a non-sexual bond of affection, there can be nothing solid in Nie Mingjue and Meng Yao’s relationship within a feudal society, because it is fundamentally unequal. Even if they love each other deeply - which I’m not convinced either of them does - every encounter they have is tainted with power dynamics.

Meng Yao has been elevated by Nie Mingjue and quite probably taken into his bed, as well as being told many family secrets, but has not been given a new surname (like, for example, Wen Zhuliu was) or independent power. More importantly, Nie Mingjue has not used his authority to remove or punish the many people who disrespect his subordinate.  Lan Qiren would have had all of those gossipy fuckers kneeling in the snow, and Wen Ruohan would feed them to his mosh pit zombies.

Meng Yao is a murderous little snake, but he is right to be angry with Nie Mingjue about some things, and his pursuit of his own agenda is understandable.

Well, That Was a Slice

Meng Yao leaves, hurt, with a dignified bow; just as he did that one time when his dad kicked him down the Carp Tower steps.

Take note, both patriarchal authorities: that is his way of saying “I’m going to murder you one day.”

Nie Mingjue sits with his broken heart, as we realize that we’ve only spent 20 minutes with this guy and we’ve gone on an entire emotional journey with him. This episode packed in a LOT.

Soundtrack: Johnny Cash, Folsom Prison Blues

[headcans-oneshots-and-stuff]

Magic Mom (2/5)

Warning: None as far as I know Word count: ~600 Summary:  Being Batmans wife was one thing, being a strong magician a whole other thing, now, what happenes if you combine those two and add motherhood? Welcome to the life of the Batfam’s very own Magic Mom…

Requested by the great and amazing @imgayandilikeit​: Batfam x Batmom who actually have magic. She met Bruce in he early years being Batman ( I kinda bad when making request like this 🤦‍♀️ , just say she and Bruce have been together from the beginning go through the whole DC event with him) 

Previous || Next

Jason's arrival - Of course, the fact that you had just been distanced from your son for the longest time you had ever been, with no apparent end in sight, and that it was his fault, wasn't the reason that Bruce decided to take Jason home when he saw the boy trying to steal the batmobile's tires, but it certainly helped. And to see the look in your eye as you smiled at Jason, telling him that he could stay with you if he wanted to, that in no way you'd let him go back onto the street, was completely worth it. For Jason having a mother who cared for him, who'd literally burn heaven and earth in the matter of a second just because someone touched his hair wrong, was something completely new and to be quite honest, he dug it. It took only months until he accepted you in your new position as a parent and called you as such. The way the two of you were looking at each other, talking to each other and going around in Gotham would make people easily believe that you were his biological mother and every now and then you had to admit that you too forgot that he wasn‘t your blood. After Dick found out about your magic and immediately transformed into the biggest possible Fangirl you decided that Jason should know too so one evening, you sat him down and explained to him what you were able to do. You have never seen the boy that excited in his time there with you. Different to Dick he didn‘t expect you to use your magic for every little thing, but he still liked you using it. He would invent games that the two of you could play that included magic, but these are strictly for in the manor. He would never want you to use your powers in public because he‘s afraid that it could some way or another lead to you being taken away, and no matter how often you tell him that that won‘t happen, he just can‘t stand the thought of losing you. After your time with Dick, you were slightly more used to the fact that your little boy was going out at night, of course, you were still worried and healed his wounds every time you could, but nothing actually bad ever happened with Dick (if we ignore a few broken bones and stab wounds). He never got so hurt that he couldn‘t continue so you trusted Bruce to watch Jason the same way. Not to mention how happy he always seemed when he was able to go on patrol. Of course, just like Dick, Jason was a scarred child, even before what would still happen. He grew up on the street, had to look out for himself and survive on his own. That was one reason why he was so tightly knit together with you. You and Bruce were the first people who showed him what it actually meant to have a family, to be loved, and you showed more than once that there was nothing in this world that you would exchange him for. That you actually wanted to have him with you for the rest of your life. In this time you and Bruce grow even closer if that‘s possible. Dick was one thing, but with Jason, who is even more of a momma-boy, he sees the possibility of a somewhat normal life for you. For him, this time is making him love you even more and make you love him more, it was a big thing for your relationship and in that time Bruce thought nothing could bring this tower of love and devotion down. Oh, how wrong he was...

[zevlors-tail]

Depressed and touch starved Shigaraki crushing hard on y/n, a new recruit for the league/liberation front. He wants to be in a relationship with her, but is afraid of her turning to dust by his own hands. Little does he know, she feels the same way.

Warnings: Jealous Shiggy, bit of OOC/Yandere Toga? Knives, brief mention of villains/heroes fighting, heavy pining, tiny argument between Shig and the reader.

Ever since the day he laid eyes on you, Shigaraki had it bad. You had only joined the League of Villains a couple months ago, but within that short time span, you had completely captivated his heart. Maybe it was your quick thinking, or your reserved personality, or maybe the way your eyes seem to sparkle with mischief when he talked to you about future plans for the League. Whatever it was, it drew him in further every time he looked at you, brought out feelings in him that he hadn’t felt in a very, very long time; feelings that both scared and excited him to the point where he wasn’t sure whether to pursue something with you or run away.

At first, he chose the latter. A week in to getting to know you and he was terrified that he had feelings for you, so he pulled away in every aspect imaginable. He ignored you during missions, talked to you as little as possible, and barely even looked your way. You were lucky if he even passed by you in the halls of the hideout. He spent most of his time pent up in his room muttering and trying to scheme, although any plans he attempted to make were ultimately thwarted by thoughts of you. It didn’t help that even with the forced distance between the two of you and his giving you the cold shoulder, you were ever the friendly and kind person you made yourself out to be. You still tried to talk to him on the occasions he passed by you, still tried to get to know him without judgement or bias. Ignoring you completely just seemed to make the situation worse for him, so he finally had to face his newfound feelings and accept that yes, he, Shigaraki, had a crush on the new recruit for the League.

But with the acknowledgement of those feelings came another realization: as much as he cared about you, he could potentially hurt you with his quirk. Even if you returned the feelings, further disaster could ensue because of his existence, and that fact stung like no other. All he wanted- no, all he needed -was you. Your touch, your laugh, your whole essence...there was no part of you he didn’t like. He spent nights dreaming of your soft lips, of embracing you from behind and pressing kisses to the top of your head, of loving you without worry and limitations, and yet, he couldn’t have you. The world was continuously cruel to him still, relentless and ever inventive in the ways it found to torture his soul. You, on the other hand...you were the only good thing he had to hold on to in this desolate place.

As Tomura paced the wooden floors of the bar, he brought a hand to his neck, the familiar itching sensation driving him to scratch the same spot over and over again. He hated that damn habit of his, though truthfully he didn’t think he could stop. It kept him sane, gave him something to focus on other than the murky anxiety he felt welling up inside of him. He was like this whenever you were gone, but more so today than ever; he couldn’t stand knowing you weren’t here in his line of sight, that you weren’t under his protecting and watchful eye. Currently, you were on recon with Dabi and Toga, and he had a sinking feeling that something was wrong. His gut lurched whenever he thought about you, and he wouldn’t be satisfied until you were back at the bar in your usual seat, your familiar smile spread over your lips as you sipped on your favorite drink.

“Kurogiri. Any word from them?” This was the second time he had asked about you and the other two LOV members today. His patience was running out now, and he just wanted you back.

“They’re due back at any time, now. I’m sure they’re alri-”

As if fate wanted to prove the bartender wrong, the door to the hideout blew open mid sentence, and Dabi stumbled in with your unconscious form slumped over his shoulders, Toga hot on his heals behind.

“What happened?” Tomura growled out, immediately making his way toward you.

“Recon gone wrong, that’s what,” Dabi quipped. “We got spotted by some heroes on accident, not our fault. Y/N fended them off but she overused her quirk, and they almost got her.”

“Don’t worry, I sliced them up real nice! They were no match against my pretty knives...” Toga trailed off, a murderous glint in her eyes as she brandished a clean knife to look at herself in it’s reflection. “And I saved Y/N. I made sure to teach them not to touch what’s ours, Tomura! No one can have Y/N but us!” She let out a demented giggle.

Shigaraki wanted to correct her. Not ours, mine, he thought. His possessiveness got the better of him, and one look at Toga’s intense gaze was all he needed for jealousy to take root. He surged forward and seized your form from Dabi, careful not to touch you with all five fingers at once as he held you up. Dabi put up no fight in letting you go, completely understanding the situation and passing you over to his boss.

“Is she hurt?” he asked demandingly, giving you a once over for any obvious signs of distress or wounds. He found none apart from small scrapes and bruises.

“I don’t think so. Just unconscious. Side effect of her quirk, I bet.” His blue eyes stared off into the distance behind you and Tomura, gears spinning in his head as he recalled the fight from earlier. “I’ve never seen her quirk in action like that before. She’s strong, I’ll give her that.”

Of course you were strong, Tomura wanted to say. He knew the basis for your quirk, the basics of how it functioned and how it affected others, but new nothing of the drawbacks of it. This was new to everyone.

“Y/N’s quirk is so cool! Isn’t she just the best, Tomura?” 

Something about Toga’s smile annoyed him and made the itchy burning sensation return to his neck. Before anyone else could say anything, he turned abruptly and started towards your room to lay you down and let you rest.

“Kurogiri,” he called as he was leaving, “I want a full report of the recon mission later, no details spared. Make sure they understand that.”

“Of course,” he replied cooly.

Tomura supported your frame against his shoulders as he trudged down the hallway with you, every step he took careful and measured so as not to disturb you any more than was necessary. His gut feeling had turned out to be right, after all. If he had just gone with you, this wouldn’t have happened. Even better yet, if he had just kept you here with him, then you wouldn’t have been in that situation in the first place. This was his fault, wasn’t it? It was hard to stop his thought process once it was started, and from there it all snowballed. You would never know how he really felt, and even if he was getting to touch you now, even if for a brief moment just to get you to your room, who’s to say something wouldn’t go wrong? What if he accidentally touched you with all five fingers, and you turned to ash right there in the hall, and died in his arms?

His thoughts were becoming too much to handle, even with you right there beside him. He was pathetic. Leader of a revolutionary and important group of misfit villains though he may be, he still wasn’t brazen enough to tell you how he really felt. And as he pushed open the door to your room and gently laid you down on your bed, he decided it was for the best if he just left you be. Even if he wanted to stay, it would do him no good. He gave you one last soft look and sighed heavily before standing. His brows knit together in frustration as he stepped forward, but a light tug on his sleeve kept him from going any further.

“Tomura...?” you mumbled groggily. “What happened?”

His self doubt slowly ebbed away at the sound of your voice, his anguish quieting for a moment as he down on your bed and met your gaze to explain. Who was he trying to fool? He could never just leave his feelings for you be. “You overused your quirk and fell unconscious. Dabi and Toga-” he shuddered involuntarily at her name, “took you back to the bar after fighting off some scum heroes.”

You sat up as he spoke, your head throbbing but otherwise feeling fine. “How did I end up in my room?” you wondered aloud, looking around to take in your surroundings fully.

“I carried you,” he answered matter of factly. 

He couldn’t be completely sure, but he swore a faint blush appeared on your cheeks then.

“Thanks for that.” You smiled kindly at him, warmth radiating from your features and making his face feel oddly hot.

“Oh, sure.” It sounded sarcastic, bitter even. Not how he wanted it to sound. He was getting frustrated again; why did he have to ruin everything he touched, figuratively and literally speaking?

There was a small lull in the conversation, and you unexpectedly reached your hand out for his, resting it on top and caressing his fingers gently in a sudden move of boldness. He recoiled almost instantly, and the next thing you knew he was moving to get up and walk away.

“Tomura, wait-” you tried, desperately wanting his attention. He did pause, but he didn’t turn around, and once again his hand found it’s way to his neck. He really was getting irritated with himself. 

“What?” he snapped, pivoting on his heel to face you.

“I’m sorry, I think I misinterpreted something...I- I didn’t mean to...” you trailed off, the dejected tone in your voice stabbing through his cold heart. “I thought you were-”

His blood ran cold at what he thought you were trying to say. Surely you couldn’t mean... 

“Thought I was what?”

“I thought- No, I think it was just me hoping this whole time, but...I thought maybe you had...feelings...for me. You seemed so concerned a minute ago, and there was that moment where your face- Um, I could see it behind your hair-” You stuttered out your words, embarrassed to admit your feelings that you were now certain he did not reciprocate.

Tomura, on the other hand, wasn’t sure what to say. You had just openly expressed your feelings for him while believing at the same time that he didn’t feel the same for you, and he hated it. He hated it with all the burning fires in the world, with all the passion and drive he had left. And the worst part about it was that it was his fault. He should have told you. He wished he had told you. He could still tell you...but he wouldn’t. Not if it meant endangering your life, not if it meant that he could potentially hurt you. He couldn’t bring himself to say the words.

Lucky for him, you weren’t willing to let this go so easily.

You saw the tortured look on his face, saw the longing in his eyes and the way his fingers twitched, as if he wanted to reach back out to you. With newfound resolve, you stared him down, willing him to break.

“Don’t look at me like that, damn it.” Curse you. Damn you to hell and back. You did things to him that you had no idea about. 

“So you really don’t feel the same?” you pressed, doubt creeping back up your spine. 

Maybe you were wrong after all...

“It’s not that!”

Or maybe not.

“Then what-”

“Don’t you know I could kill you?” The words left his lips before he could stop them. “I could accidentally turn you to dust, Y/N. Doesn’t that scare you? Or are you really that stupid?”

“I know that.” You spoke with conviction, understanding finally dawning on you.

He was afraid to hurt you. That had been his reason for pushing you away, for not talking to you, for trying to ignore his feelings for you. He was scared. And rightfully so, with a quirk like his. The thought had crossed your mind before, but truthfully, it hadn’t really been anything more than a passing thought. Once you really got to know Shigaraki, once you saw him leading his small family, you had put all of your trust and faith into him. He was not to be laughed at or underestimated; he was calculated, thorough, and kept his family together at all costs. Even if Dabi sometimes was unruly, even if Toga creeped him out, even if Kurogiri failed sometimes, they all belonged together, and you were happy to be a part of that. You admired him for everything he had done, everything he was currently doing, and all of the great things he would do in the future. Maybe others couldn’t see it right at the moment...but this man was going to change the world.

“But I believe in you, and I trust you would never do something like that to me, even on accident. I don’t think you give yourself enough credit.”

“Don’t patronize me.”

“I’m not. Your quirk doesn’t scare me. I mean it. And another thing,” you gave him a pointed look. “I’m not stupid,” you spat defiantly. For someone so reserved most of the time, you sure had an iron will. 

Tomura followed you with his eyes as you got up and attempted to walk over to him, but tripped in the process, still a little out of it from the overuse of your quirk. He was quick to catch you before you could hit the ground, and you smiled up at him once more while he just stared back at you, confused.

“What are you grinning like that for, hm?”

“I told you I trusted you. You didn’t turn me to dust, did you?”

“That’s not funny, Y/N.” Although, his words were all bark and no bite. What you had said was true, and it gave him a bit of relief to think that you were right.

He could make this work, after all. And for the first time in a very, very long time, Tomura Shigaraki felt calm. 

He helped you back to bed and sat down with you again, this time planning to stay. And when your hand once again found his, he let you keep it there, enjoying the warm feeling of your touch. 

“I know it’s not. I’m serious. I trust you with every fiber of my being, Tomura. I think I love you.”

He could have sworn his heart stopped, or maybe it was time itself that stopped. Either way, he never wanted this moment to end.

Instead of returning your words with his own, he layed down next to you and draped an arm over you. “You should be resting.”

You had once heard that everyone had different ways of saying ‘I love you’. For some, it was telling you to stay safe when parting. For others, it was asking if you had anything to eat yet. So when he spoke, you recognized the meaning behind Tomura’s words even if he wasn’t saying it outright. 

‘You should be resting.’

I love you, too.

A/N: WOW OKAY THIS GOT LONG. Also, I’m so, so, SO sorry this took so freaking long to finish. I literally sat down tonight and told myself I was going to work on it, and I got hit with inspiration and BAM it happened. Shigaraki is actually not on my list of characters that I write for, but because it was my first request and I wanted a challenge, I made an exception and wrote it. And damn, anon, did you give me one hell of a challenge. Holy FUCK. Idk why this was so hard to crank out before now, but I’m kind of in love with this? I hope you all like it as much as I do!

[petrichoravellichor]

Written for Day 19 of the Supernatural Deserved Better Creative Challenge (prompt: angels and demons).

Title: An Angel and a Demon Walk Into a Bar

Characters: Gabriel & Meg

Rating: T

Warnings: mild alcohol consumption (by angel/demon standards, at least; no one drinks enough to get drunk)

Summary: After escaping from the Empty, Gabriel wanders into a bar, where it turns out he’s not the only one back from the dead.

(Read on Ao3)

********************

Gabriel needed a drink.

A real one, not just something he could conjure up himself. It’d been a little under a week since he’d woken up in the middle of a field, dazed as all get-out and weaker than he’d ever been, but somehow alive. He’d done it. He’d actually gotten out of the Empty.

At first, Gabriel hadn’t known exactly how he’d managed it. He remembered dying—getting stabbed by an alternate version of your brother in a parallel universe wasn’t exactly a forgettable experience—and then he was waking up to some sort of explosion somewhere he’d quickly realized had to be the Empty, because hellooo, he was dead. There’d been a lot of commotion then, with Gabriel and literally thousands of other angels and demons clambering and fighting at once as a loud, pained voice screamed for them to BE QUIET, and the next thing he knew, he was lying face-down in a puddle of mud, alone except for a nearby cow. Gabriel had stumbled along until he’d found a small motel in the middle of nowhere, where he’d used what little power he could muster to charm a free room off the oblivious owner and then collapsed into bed the minute he’d locked the door behind him.

A few days later, he’d jolted awake when angel radio had all but exploded in his head. Word on the wire was that his nephew, Jack, had replaced Gabriel’s dad as Heaven’s new big kahuna, and apparently the entire world had been gone for a while but Gabriel had slept through it, and wait, Dean Winchester had finally pulled his head out of his repressed bisexual ass and was last seen kissing the shit out of Gabriel’s younger brother Castiel, who was also back from the Empty?! Whaaat???

Needless to say, it had been a lot to take in. Gabriel had spent the better part of the day listening intently and muttering “holy shit” as he caught himself up on all that had happened while he’d been out of the picture. When at last it seemed that there was no more new information, he’d dialed down the volume and decided that yeah, he was long overdue for a drink. He vaguely remembered seeing a bar on the other side of the motel parking lot, so he headed in that direction, opting to walk the short distance instead of flying—he was feeling much better after a few days of rest but still nowhere near full power, and there was no sense wasting energy.

As he drew near the bar, however, he noticed that although the lights were on and country music was drifting out into the night, the front window had been shattered; a few pieces of jagged glass were still hanging in place, but the rest was nothing but shining shards on the ground outside. Gabriel paused; then, feeling more curious than concerned, he crept up to the sill and peered inside.

The place looked pretty much like what Gabriel had been expecting, with bad lighting and wood-paneled walls and a couple of old pool tables off to one side. At first, he thought it was deserted; then he noticed a lone figure at the bar.

It was a demon, but not a particularly powerful-looking one. She was sitting on a barstool, a bottle of Jack in front of her and a glass in her hand as she gazed off into space, nursing her drink. Gabriel reached out with his mind, quickly scanning the premises for any potential friends the demon might have brought with her, but no, she was the only one of her kind anywhere in the area. If push came to shove, Gabriel had no doubts that even in his current state, he could still best her in combat; however, he hoped it wouldn’t come to that. After all, it had been a hell of a day in a hell of a week, and he’d come wanting a drink, not a fight. He headed over to the door and walked inside.

The demon must have sensed his presence, because she looked up the moment he crossed the threshold. Her eyes flashed black momentarily before snapping back to her vessel’s natural brown; however, when she addressed Gabriel, she sounded more annoyed than afraid. “If you’re here to kill me,” she said, fixing him with a glare, “at least let me finish my drink first.”

Gabriel arched a brow: she might not have been more than a run-of-the-mill black-eyed demon, but she had spunk; he’d give her that. “Simmer down, kiddo,” he drawled, “I’m not here to kill you, just looking for a drink.” He gestured toward the bar. “Mind if I join you?”

The demon raised a brow of her own, apparently surprised by his response, but eventually, she shrugged and turned back to her whiskey. “Knock yourself out.”

“Thanks.” Gabriel headed behind the counter, rummaging around until he found a clean glass; he plopped in two ice cubes and poured himself a drink. “Where’s the bartender, anyway?”

The demon waved dismissively in the direction of the restrooms. “Knocked out and tied up. He’ll be fine.”

“Mm, and the front window?”

“There was a biker gang when I first got here. They got handsy and didn’t want to leave.” She smiled darkly, adding, “That is, until I threw the biggest one out the window. They got the hell out pretty fast after that.”

Gabriel snorted. “Nice.”

“‘Nice’?” the demon repeated, then scoffed. “Thought you were an angel.”

Gabriel snapped his fingers, manifesting a stool on his side of the bar; he sat down across from her, drink in hand. “I am. So?”

“So, last I checked, your kind and my kind didn’t exactly see eye to eye on what constitutes nice.”

Gabriel shrugged. “I don’t see eye to eye with lots of people, especially not when they’re dicks. Sounds like the biker guys were, so yeah, nice. Besides,” he added, leaning forward with a conspiratorial smile, “I’ve done way worse.”

The demon regarded him, then smirked. “Nice.”

“So,” Gabriel said, taking a sip of his drink. “You got a name?”

“Meg. You?”

For a moment, Gabriel considered inventing an alias; after all, it was in his best interest to keep a low profile until he decided just how involved he wanted to be in this whole post-Dad Heaven business. Still, he wasn’t really in the mood for lying, and besides, he could always erase himself from Meg’s memory if he had second thoughts. “Gabriel.”

Meg narrowed her eyes. “As in the archangel?”

“Oh, so you’ve heard of me?” Gabriel said, flashing a grin; then, noting the wariness in Meg’s expression, he added, “Hey, I’m just here for a drink, remember? You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“Easy for you to say: I can’t kill you just by thinking about it.”

Gabriel snorted. “No offense, kiddo, but if I wanted to kill you, I would’ve done it before I even walked in. Suffice to say, I’m not thinking about it.” Then, seeing that she was still eying him suspiciously, he lowered his drink and looked at her frankly. “Do you want me to leave?”

“Would you?”

“Sure. I’m not one to stay where I’m not wanted, and last I checked, whiskey bottles are pretty portable. Just say the words, and I’ll get out of that pretty blonde hair of yours.” He smirked, adding, “That is, unless you’d rather throw me out the window.”

Meg was silent for a moment, apparently weighing her options; eventually, however, she shook her head. “Whatever. Like you said, if you were gonna kill me, I’d already be dead. Wouldn’t be the first time.”

Gabriel cocked his head to the side. “What do you mean?”

"I mean that up until a few days ago, I’d been dead for years.”

Gabriel sat back on his stool. “No shit. You were there too?”

Meg gave him a confused look. “The hell do you mean?”

“In the Empty,” Gabriel clarified. “It’s where we go when we die. Whole bunch of black goo and eternal nothingness. That is, up till about a week ago, when the whole place went Chernobyl. Sound familiar?”

Slowly, Meg nodded. “Yeah. It does.”

“From what I’ve heard,” Gabriel continued, tapping his temple, “at least a couple of us got out, on your side and mine. Seems like the place stabilized eventually, though.”

“Any word on what caused it?”

Gabriel snorted; he reached for the whiskey and refilled both their glasses. “You ever hear of the Winchesters?”

********************

One hour and three-fourths of a bottle of whiskey later, and Gabriel had discovered that not only had Meg had close dealings with the Winchesters during the years leading up to her death, but she’d also apparently known his younger brother Castiel—and that, Gabriel gathered from the way Meg’s eyes softened when she asked about him, Castiel had been important to her, although she never explicitly said as much. Gabriel filled her in on everything she’d missed from the time Crowley had stabbed her up to the most recent updates he’d heard from angel radio, and by the time he was done, Meg was shaking her head in disbelief.

“Damn,” she said at last. “So, this Jack kid—Lucifer’s son—he’s the new God?”

“Yep.”

“Wow.”

“Tell me about it,” said Gabriel, swirling his drink. “Should be interesting, seeing as how he’s only three.”

“And Castiel.” Meg met Gabriel’s gaze. “He’s...with Dean now?”

“Yeah. Seems like it.”

Meg nodded, looking down at the bar. “Huh. And here I was thinking they’d just keep dancing around each other like a couple of idiots.” She let out a hollow sort of laugh and reached for the bottle of whiskey. “Serves me right for getting my hopes up.”

Gabriel studied her, the pieces clicking into place. “You had a thing for my brother.”

Meg’s jaw clenched, and she filled her glass all the way to the rim. “Not one I ever got to do much about,” she muttered, “thanks to Crowley.”

“I’m sorry,” said Gabriel, a little surprised by just how much he meant it.

Meg shrugged him off. “Yeah, well,” she replied, not meeting Gabriel’s gaze. “It’s not like it was ever gonna work out between us. He was always so caught up in whatever Dean was involved in, it wasn’t even funny. Besides, the hell would an angel want with a demon, anway.”

Gabriel found himself frowning; damn if there wasn’t a part of him that wanted to kick Castiel’s ass right about now. “For what it’s worth,” he said, leaning forward onto his forearms, “my brother never was the brightest bulb in the lamp; and regarding Dean, I once killed him over a hundred times just for kicks.”

That got Meg’s attention. “Really.”

“Yep, time loop, back before the whole Apocalypse thing went down. Took Sam forever to figure out what was going on and get them both out of it.” Gabriel smirked, adding, “And in the meantime, I got to play quirky death bingo with his older bro. Oh, and a few years later, I zapped them into TV Land for a bit. They looked like absolute idiots; it was fun.”

Meg looked at him for a moment, then scoffed and shook her head. “You’re really something, you know that?”

Gabriel shrugged. “Eh, I have my moments.”

And Meg, to his surprise, actually gave him a slight smile. “Apparently. So, feathers,” she said, raising her glass, “you going back to Heaven after this?”

Gabriel shook his head. “No way: too messy, and I’m not in the mood to help clean up. Figure I’ll keep lying low for a bit, then maybe see what things look like in a year or so. What about you? Hellward-bound?”

Meg scoffed. “Yeah, because I’m just dying to get stabbed the minute I walk in the door. No thanks. Thinking of just keeping to myself for now.”

Gabriel thought for a moment, then decided aw, the hell with it. “Need a place to stay?”

Meg shot him a look of what might have been amusement. “Why? You offering?”

“As a matter of fact, yes, yes I am." He nodded toward the front door. "I’ve got a good thing going on at that motel. If you want, I can set you up with a room while you figure out your next move.”

“What’s the catch?”

“No catch. All I ask in return is that you keep the fact I’m alive to your smoking little self, because like I said, I’m looking to keep a low profile. So, what do you say?” Gabriel raised his drink as though to toast. “Deal?”

Meg studied him for a moment, then smiled. “Deal,” she said, and clinked their glasses together.

[strawberrysoup]

Let’s Review || Chapter 12

Peter Parker knew that his big sister would do anything for him to be safe and happy. She’d given up everything for him twice over already and would do it again in a heartbeat. And that’s why, when the criminal mastermind Tony Stark started inextricably following him around, he didn’t say a word. Because he knew without a doubt Penny would do whatever she had to if it meant keeping Peter safe. He had to protect her, just like she always protected him. He never considered what would happen if Stark decided both Parker siblings were worth taking. Never considered who else in Stark’s inner circle would agree. He just wanted to protect her and yet somehow, they both ended up with needles in their necks.

relationship: Steve Rogers/Original Female Character/Bucky Barnes, background Peter Parker/Tony Stark rating: Explicit/18+ warnings: Dark Steve Rogers, Dark Bucky Barnes, Dark Tony Stark, Dark Avengers, kidnapping, non-con/dub-con elements, underage Peter Parker, emotional and psychological abuse, very dark 

Peter had been waiting at the door to the lab when Penny and Tony got off the elevator, bouncing in place just beyond the threshold. Penny assumed he'd been told not to leave the room because even as they walked closer and he got more energized, he only toed the edge without going over. As soon as his sister was in reach, he snatched her up into his arms and squeezed the breath out of her. 

“She’s fine, baby, don’t make her eyes pop out,” the tone of affection in Tony’s voice was heavy and Peter felt himself preen slightly; it was nice when Tony sounded like that. 

“JARVIS just said you weren’t okay and that Tony needed to go get you right away,” he said quietly against the side of Penny’s head, “I didn’t know what happened.” 

Tony stepped up close to the pair, one hand going to the small of Peter’s back and the other curling into Penny’s hair. The two were precious, especially together. Honestly, Tony didn’t like having them separated the way they were. They couldn’t conspire, which was useful in making sure they stayed where he wanted them, but God they were so sad. Peter asked a million times a day to see Penny and according to JARVIS she did the same, settling for updates on his status every once in a while to calm her. 

If it hadn’t been for Steve and Bucky, he would’ve taken them to his cabin upstate. The isolation would’ve been so good for them. Peter would’ve loved the lab setups and Penny could’ve had a garden outside in the fresh air, they would’ve been together and with JARVIS monitoring closely they could’ve negated any escape attempts even if it was just Tony out there physically. In the back of his mind, he wondered how long he would attempt to let the soldiers care for her before taking over. 

“It’s all taken care of,” he stated quietly, rubbing Peter’s back gently, “now I’ve got some work to do, baby why don’t you show Penny what you’ve been working on?” 

He watched the pair walk away to a work table before heading to his own, determined to get started on a blood testing device that wouldn’t use needles. Or, at least wouldn’t use any visible needles that Penny would be able to identify or feel. He knew Bruce wouldn't let her off without one and if he could circumvent the fit she was going to throw it would be great.

When JARVIS had announced that Penny was in extreme distress, a level of irritation had risen in his chest that he didn’t really expect. Peter was his primary concern in every aspect, but Penny was a very close second. He’d literally just had a conversation with the soldiers about figuring their shit out but within the next two hours he’d been alerted she was losing it once again. It was testing his patience, but he reminded himself there wasn't a presidence to their relationship like there was between him and Peter. 

In the beginning it had been easy; Peter craved adult approval. All Tony had to do was compliment his intelligence and the teenager was on a high. They'd talked about science, Tony told him how smart he was, how impressed he was. Graduating to careful touches had been simple, new compliments on his appearance and his growth over time slid under the radar. 

About four months in, he could tell Peter was antsy. The text messages he sent got shorter, less enthusiastic. He made excuses to not meet up for coffee and joined a new club at school that kept him tied up on weekends, tried to reject gifts and invitations. Something had spooked his boy, now he wondered if it had something to do with Penny. The reticence had gotten worse and worse until he'd followed him home from decathlon practice and she'd seen them. 

He still hadn't pressed, hadn't asked what caused Peter to pull away. If it was his own conscious or if someone had influenced him. In the grand scheme of things it didn't really matter but he was curious. They had a relationship before the kidnapping, a basis to build upon. Penny and the soldiers didn't have that, everything between them had to be built from scratch and the guys had to demolish some massive barriers before the building could even begin. 

He kept an eye on the pair through the many reflective surfaces in the room, smiling softly to himself while he worked; they were adorable. Penny was smart, but had no idea what she was doing in a lab setting. She kept touching things, moving them and then waiting for Peter to react. He played into her hands, whining every time he noticed something was out of place, freaking out when she picked up a blowtorch. They also seemed to have some weird dissociation with their bodies, but only in relation to each other: Peter acted like he was smaller than she was, where she seemed to forget he'd outgrown her. He would shift and settle his weight against her, only for the pair to almost go tumbling; she would reach out to muss his hair, but couldn't reach the top of his head anymore without getting on her tip toes. 

It was easy to get lost in his work; despite his reputation as a weapons designer, he was a fair touch at medical equipment. He only got distracted by the sound of a soft snore and his heart melted when he glanced into the reflective wall to see Penny curled up on a stool. She'd fallen asleep somehow perched with both feet on the seat, tucked into a ball and leaning precariously against the wall, head on her knees. Peter was obviously keeping a close eye on her, turned to face her at his work table while he messed with the parts Tony had given him for a robot. 

"J, order a daybed for the lab," he quietly addressed the AI, watching Peter very carefully set a screwdriver on his sister's shoulder, adding to a collection of tools he was balancing on her sleeping form.

"Perhaps an oversized bean bag chair, sir? Ms. Parker has them saved on her pinterest under the board 'if I was rich'."

Peter's head snapped up when he heard JARVIS speak, nervously glancing at his still sleeping sister. When he decided she was peacefully asleep and not about to sit up and kill him for the calculations he’d scribbled onto her arm, he turned to look at Tony in confusion. 

"Come here baby," Tony kept his tone quiet, motioning him over, "I want you to look at something." 

Peter went without hesitation, reminding Tony once again how lucky he was that the younger Parker sibling was so different than his sister. He tried so hard not to question Tony's orders, to just obey. Penny would’ve tried to stab him with a fork. 

"What is it?"

Tony flung several holograms up, all with different schematics, “I’m trying to design a new method of drawing blood, one without visible needles. Bruce won’t let her get out of a blood test and I don’t want it to send her into hysterics again. Now, this one is what I’m leaning towards— its got needles, but they’re so small she won’t be able to see them. Shouldn’t even be that uncomfortable, like suction.” 

“Uh,” Peter tilted his head to the side, trying to catch up with Tony’s thought process and also examine the schematics, “what about this one?” 

He listened intently as the older man explained all of the ideas he’d come up with, one of which required technology that didn’t currently exist but Tony promised he would invent it within a few days if Peter thought it was the best option. The whole time the teenager tried to pretend his affection for the man wasn’t steadily growing. He was so conflicted— Tony Stark had groomed him like a pedophile to be receptive to his advances over time, had kidnapped and ‘punished’ him, took his sister and gave her to his friends. But Tony also provided him with nearly anything he asked for, showered him with affection and always told him how much he loved him, how much he wanted Peter to be happy. And it was hard to remember the bad stuff because Peter wanted that affection so much. 

He wasn’t starved for affection really, Penny hugged him whenever she could, smacked more kisses to his forehead a day than exchanged words with him. She worked so much that she wasn’t always around the apartment when he was, but she texted him as much as she could. Peter never had to wonder how much his sister loved him; there was no question that he was the most important person in her world. 

But it was different coming from Tony. The affection, the touches, the words, they made Peter burn up with happiness. Yes, Tony had spanked him until it hurt to sit for several days but he also held him all the time, kept him cuddled close. He stole him away from his friends but he was providing him with a home, the highest tech laboratories in the world— literally anything Peter wanted could be provided, as frivolously as possible in most cases. Tony kidnapped his sister, yeah, but he also adored Penny almost as much as Peter did; he’d stated multiple times that he just wanted Peter and Penny to be happy. 

It was messed up and backwards but Peter wanted everything Tony had to offer. The wrongness of it flipped his stomach every time he thought about leaning into the man’s touch, when Tony kissed him and he forced himself to turn his head even though he really, really wanted that kiss. Penny would be devastated, she’d think that she failed him somehow. 

“I’m not sure, either the first one you mentioned or the third, probably,” Peter crossed his arms over his chest, forcing himself to put a barrier between them, “the second doesn’t really sound plausible and the fourth has too big of a needle, she’d notice.” 

“Anything is plausible when you’re me, baby,” Tony smirked slightly, but gave a shrug nonetheless and turned his attention to where Penny was still asleep against the wall, "how does she sleep like that?"

"Penny can sleep anywhere," Peter shrugged and took a stylus off the table, walking back to his sister to balance it on top of her head, "she doesn't move at all. I'm not sure if it's really, like, restful because she stays so tensed up? But I've seen her sleep balanced on the arm of a couch before without a wall holding her up. It's kind of cool." 

"Multiple bean bag chairs, J," Tony couldn't decide if he was impressed or kind of sad that Penny was really good at making herself sleep in uncomfortable situations, but he could absolutely make sure she didn't need to ever again, "labs, living rooms—" 

"You're buying Penny bean bag chairs for the lab?" Peter butted in, and Tony Did Not Roll His Eyes at his interruption but he did give the teenager a quick, painless pop on the cheek.

“Manners, baby,” his tone was stern, but he raised an eyebrow when Peter hardly reacted to him, the boy’s head instead turned to stare at the still sleeping Penny. 

“You shouldn’t do that where Penny could see,” the teenager responded in a hushed tone, stepping forward just a bit, “she’ll get super pissed.” 

To be fair, the thought hadn't really occurred to Tony before. Discipline was important considering the nature of their relationship, just as it was between the soldiers and Penny, and doling out punishment wasn't something he'd ever even thought he would consider hiding. But considering how fraught her relationship was with literally every inhabitant of the tower, he couldn't help but wonder how far would be too far to push Penny. She was a powder keg begging for fire, any excuse to explode. 

Tony knew for a fact that there was a line drawn in the sand, the one that stood between actual life and death, between Penny and everyone else; he just didn't know exactly where it was. Would seeing a quick pop to Peter's cheek be the straw that broke the camel's back? Or would it be the evidence of a spanking in the way he sat? And what would the explosion look like? She'd already proven to be unpredictable and prone to pretty significant violence, including using improvised weapons to cause (what she'd hoped was) lasting damage. 

Even worse, he realized he didn't know where his line was. How far would he let Penny go in her attempts to escape and take Peter with her? When would he draw the line, cite a failure to thrive and put her out of her misery? It could come to that; he didn't want to imagine it, that Penny could loathe them all so much she'd never stop trying steal Peter away. 

There was no good way to show Penny how much better it was for her and Peter in the tower without the passage of time. Until she began to notice changes. When it settled in that all of Peter's clothes were new and perfectly fitted. When she noticed her brother looked so much healthier, well fed and vibrant. When the stress of living stopped pressing on her shoulders, when she began to gain weight and stop pulling at her own hair, biting her nails. 

There was so much that could go wrong where Penny was concerned but there was also so much that could go right. She could finally thrive, be her own person, live for herself and her own happiness. 

A rush swam through Tony’s veins and he stood, kissing Peter’s cheek gently where he’d just smacked him before walking over to where Penny was curled on the stool and removed all of the odds and ends Peter had managed to balance on her. She was in such a tight ball that picking her up was easy; there were no flailing limbs to corral or sudden shifts in weight distribution to compensate for. Tony understood what Peter meant— the sleep she got couldn’t be very restful when her muscles were tight like iron bands. 

“Let’s take Penny upstairs so she can sleep,” he directed the quiet comment to the teenager who had followed him across the lab and was standing at his elbow, “J, is anyone in the living room?” 

He was conflicted on whether or not he wanted Penny on the floor he shared with Peter beyond the kitchen. There was too much for her to get upset over; the obvious lack of a separate room for her brother, the cushion on the floor next to the couch for when he wanted Peter to kneel for him, Penny would probably go insane and the poor thing didn’t need the added stress. Peter was his baby boy, his to do with as he pleased, but he loved the boy too and Penny wouldn’t be able to fathom it. All she would see was mistreatment and pedophilia and imprisonment. 

“The living room is currently empty sir, most of the tower’s occupants are currently out.”

“Take us up, then,” Penny weighed much less in his arms than he really cared for, it was almost too easy to carry her to the elevator and hold her the entire trip. 

Even when he put her on the couch, she didn’t release the tension from her muscles. She remained in the same tight curl where her body had been so precariously balancing. Tony started to comment, but Peter had slipped around him already and began tugging at Penny’s arms and legs until she was stretched out across the length of the couch. 

“Sometimes she does this at home,” Peter stated quietly, “the only thing that’ll really make her wake up is a loud noise, so I can usually get her shifted so she’s more comfortable without bothering her.” 

“Did you have to do this often?” Tony responded in the same tone, sitting on the couch near Penny’s feet and motioning for Peter to come to him once he’d finished rearranging his sister. 

“No, not really,” the teenager allowed himself to be pulled into Tony’s lap, tangling his feet with his sisters, “Penny tried to always be awake if we were gonna be home at the same time. It was usually only if I woke up in the middle of the night, after she got home from her overnight shift. I think she was too stressed out when she got back and couldn’t relax enough, so she’d just fall asleep however she was sitting.” 

A slight shudder ran through him as he remembered the few nights that he’d woken up and gotten up to get a snack or something to drink, only to find Penny sleeping like a statue on the edge of the couch. She’d fall asleep hunched over, elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. The first time he thought she was crying and his heart had broken, but it actually felt worse when he realized she was so exhausted she’d fallen asleep like that. She was working herself so hard to provide for him that she could fall asleep like that. 

Tony tugged Peter’s head against his chest, running a hand through his hair gently. It was amazing how much he’d hated Penny just days ago. Penelope fucking Parker. Once upon a time he thought she was a cruel, neglectful monster. The power of ignorance was astounding. 

“It’s gonna be so much better now, baby boy,” he murmured quietly into Peter’s ear, lips brushing his temple gently, “I promise, for you and Penny both. No more stress or worrying—”

Peter’s mouth opened, as if to interrupt, but he snapped it shut with an audible click of his teeth. Tony couldn’t help but grin to himself; he really did hit the jackpot with his obedient boy. 

“Yes Peter?” 

The prompt made the teenager melt against Tony’s chest slightly and he turned his face to press against the oil stained shirt, “Penny likes cats. They’re supposed to be good for stress, right? Like, an emotional support cat?” 

“Cats huh?” 

“And weed,” Peter continued, still not looking up at the man holding him, “when she could spare the cash and I didn’t need anything, she would buy a little bit. You could get her weed, right?” 

Peter said you could get her weed right like Tony was the most powerful person in New York (which he was) and Tony preened, “cats and weed, the soldiers will love it.” 

The way Peter tensed against him was sudden and almost shocking in the way it mimicked Penny gearing up for a fight. Tony imagined he could smell his boy’s outrage, the discontent welling up inside of him and pouring from his pores. It was the first time Peter had given any indication he possessed the same amount of rage as his sister and Tony had to hide his shock. 

“Why does she have to be with them?” The words were ground through Peter’s teeth, his forehead pressing more firmly to Tony’s chest so he wouldn’t accidentally glare at the man. What Peter wanted to say was why would you give my sister to them? If you loved me you wouldn’t give my sister away like a fucking animal. If you loved me you wouldn’t make her stay with them. If you loved me you’d kill them both for touching her. 

“They love her, baby, like how I love you,” Tony kept his tone light, knowing that Peter was doing his best to reign in his fury despite not knowing how deep it went and the direction it was aimed, “they want to take care of her and make her happy, why shouldn’t they have the chance to?” 

The teenager didn’t respond but Tony felt the tremble that ran through his muscles and wondered if Peter was about to lash out. He’d been so good over the last few days with only small slip ups in his manners. 

“Penny should get to choose.” 

Tony Did Not Roll His Eyes, carefully running Peter’s hair through his fingers, “Choice is overrated, baby boy. Having a choice means having the opportunity to choose wrong and get hurt. You and Penny don’t need those kinds of choices. They’re stressful, all that’ll do is make you sad.” 

“But—” 

“End of discussion, baby,” Tony made sure his tone was stern but not mean as he tugged Peter’s head back by his hair, forcing the teenager to look into his eyes, “Penny will be staying with the soldiers unless I decide otherwise. Make your peace with it, Pete.” 

It was impressive, honestly, how carefully Peter maintained his expression. Intelligence and cunning flashed through his eyes, a chaos leashed by logic. He probably could’ve gotten past Tony taking him, with time. Life was easier in the tower; no school, no bullies, no worries over money or Penny’s health. He could’ve gotten used to it, made his peace with it, so to speak. 

If Tony hadn't taken Penny, he could’ve moved on with his new life. If Tony hadn’t given her away, he might’ve pushed through the emotional upheaval. If Tony wasn’t allowing those guys to do whatever they wanted with his sister, Peter might’ve been willing to go along with everything. 

But he did and had and was and Peter wasn’t raised to be the forgiving sort. He’d been raised by fire and fury and women who were angry. Aunt May and Penny, despite not being blood related, had the same fuel burning through their veins. The same indignation that came from the world trying to beat them down. 

The stolen circuit board tucked into his pocket burned against the fabric, ready to be added to the slowly growing stash of parts and pieces hidden around Tony’s apartment. 

Make your peace with it. Oh, he’d be making something.

[lyrazehedgieboiii]

Insecurities

Hey guys! SO, I decided to make a one-shot on how Amy’s feeling very stressed, and her feelings on top of that make it harder for her to be happy. How will Sonic feel once he finds out? Let’s GO!!!!

Amy was sitting at Tails’s house, listening to Tails identify his newest invention, and was smiling, as if she were listening, but the only thing she was listening to was her thoughts. 

  ‘Ugh, don’t you have better things to do, Pinky?” her thoughts kept focusing on when she’d get to go. She started going to far in thinking and ended up hurting her own feelings. ‘Yeesh, you’re so weak, no wonder no one likes you.’ Amy widened her eyes, realizing that everyone had their eyes on her.

  “Uhm, why is everybody staring at me?” Amy asked, not liking the sudden attention. 

  “We were asking if we could have dinner at your place?” Sticks said. 

   “OH. Uhh...o-of course! I’ll go home and start. What does everyone want?” 

    “CHILI DOGS.” Sonic yelled, kneeling down, begging Amy to make them.

    “Eh, I’m fine with whatever you make, Amy.” Sticks said. Amy smiled, not sure whether to take that as a compliment. Amy looked at Tails.

     “Cookies for dessert, Tails?” Amy asked, smirking.

     “You know me, Amy! You’re chocolate chip cookies are the best things that ever happened to me!” Amy felt tears coming, this was too much for her to take. She ran towards Tails and hugged him, and then hugged Sticks, and Sonic, lingering a bit during his turn. As she was about to turn to Knuckles, Rouge slammed the door open, and bent down to control her breathing. 

   “Eggman’s...*pant*...attacking...the *pant* village.” Sonic immediately got up, still a bit giddy from Amy’s unexpected sign of affection, and sped off. Rouge, flew by Amy as they all ran. “What’s up with Blue Boy today? He seemed a little excited, did you kiss him?” Rouge asked the petite pink girl.

   “OH NO, no, no, No, no, NO Rouge! I just gave him a hug.” Amy exclaimed while blushing. 

    “But you wish you could more, right?” Rouge said, nudging her elbow at Amy. Amy turned red, trying to hide the fact her heart was hammering. The team made it to the battle scene, finding Eggman in his Eggmobile waiting to introduce his newest robot. 

   “OH Ho, ho, ho, this robot is sure to get rid of that pesky blue rat!” Eggman laughed evilly, while the villagers just rolled their eyes and watched the fight.

   “You keep calling him a ‘pesky blue rat,’ just call him something else! Maybe...,” Lyra stared off into space for a few moments. “DEFORMED PINEAPPLE!” Amy was the only one that giggled. Sonic glared at her. Amy just smirked at him, and sent a blowing kiss. Sonic went giddy and red again.

   “Ok, let’s take this from the top. OHOHOHO, THIS ROBOT IS SURE TO GET RID OF YOU, YOU DEFORMED BLUE PINEAPPLE!” Eggman shifted to the side, to reveal a 20 foot tall robot, with lasers, missiles, and shooters on its arms, legs, and head. Everyone went straight for it, Sonic being in the lead. The missiles fired, but were quickly dodged. Then the lasers started firing, and that started to get tough. Along with the crabbots and beebots in the background, it was gonna put up a lot of effort. Knuckles and Tails got blasted away leaving Shadow, Rouge, Amy, Silver, Sonic, and Lyra left. Suddenly a missile was fired, and pushed Rouge aside before exploding. It didn’t cause too much damage to her, but she fell to the ground, caught by Knuckles. 

     “Come on Hedgie Squad, we can do this!” Lyra said, stabbing the beebots with her scythe.

     “Don’t call us that ever again.” Shadow muttered, running towards the back of the robot. That wasn’t a very smart idea, because there were lasers and missiles at the back too. Shadow got blasted, and that only enraged him. He ran faster, but got shot by a laser. He gave up, needing a break. Lyra gave up too, because she just felt lazy. She was cautious though, she didn’t feel like this would end well. Silver, Sonic, and Amy were left. Silver got annoyed with all the unnecessary scrap metal zooming around them and picked them up with his powers, and pushed them all together, and threw them to the side.

While he was doing that, he didn’t notice that Sonic was warning him to get out of the way, and Sonic pushed him, but they both got shot by the laser. 

   Eggman chuckles. “Looks like Sonic’s whiny little girlfriend is left. Well, that’ll be easy, since she’s so weak and pathetic anyways. I mean come on! The pink brat can easily be thrown off with a laser, or her hurt feelings.” Lyra and Rouge widened their eyes. That wasn’t a good idea...

Amy fell to her knees. She let out a loud sob. She recited every cruel thing that’s ever been told to her. ‘Weak and pathetic.’ ‘Pink brat.’ ‘Those people aren’t your friends, they just feel sorry for you.’ Everyone looked at Amy with surprise. They didn’t know that Amy was getting bullied. Amy stood up, feeling her heart burn with that same weird feeling she had earlier. She couldn’t identify what it was...

Until Sonic muttered. 

   “Rage.”

Amy’s eyes went dark, along with her quills, and her outfit changed, which surprised Sonic. He was the same when he was in his dark form, he never got a change of wardrobe. Amy however, did. Her dress turned into a dark red halter top, with a high-low skirt, with the back ending just a little below her knees. Her quills became longer, and a blackish aura tinted her vibe.

   “I’m sorry Dr. Eggman, what did you say?” Amy asked, floating towards the eggmobile.

    “Uh...I’m sorry?” Amy leaned back, and the aura only seemed to deepen.

    “YOU LIE! Pathetic old man!” Amy shot some of her negative energy at him, and he disappears into the sky. She summoned her hammer, and it evolved to about 10 feet, and she smashed the robot. It fell back, and then Amy pounded its head.

    “Amy?” Amy’s pupils came back, and she looked scared. She turned back to her normal form, and ran off crying. Lyra held Sonic from catching up to her.

    “Give her a few minutes, bro. Then go.”

-

Meanwhile, Amy was in her room sobbing, her thoughts keeping her up in a bubble. She didn’t know how it started, but wanted it to stop. She couldn’t help how she felt, but it only hurt her more. She heard a knock on the door, but ignored it. She heard the door open, and she dashed into her closet, and hid under the clothes. 

    “Ames, I know you’re in the closet, open up!” Sonic yelled from the other side.

    “And what if I were changing?” Amy asked, in quite a harsh tone. “I-I’m so sorry, Sonic. I-I don’t k-know what’s happening to me!” Amy let out a sob. 

    “Amy. Just open the door and talk to me. Please.” Amy thought that his tone was a bit strange. It almost sounded as if he were...begging her to open the door. She got up, and slowly opened the door. “Thank Chaos, I thought you’d never come out.” Sonic wrapped his arms around Amy, and sat on her bed with him. “Now, tell Doctor Sonic what’s wrong.” Amy put her head on his lap, and he stroked her quills.

    “Well, it started a few months ago. I was walking through the village, going to a local mall, and I heard some teens talking trash about m-me. You know how I am when that happens, right?” Sonic nodded. He knew what it was like under the wrath of Amy Rose. “I hit th-them with my hammer, and they literally started crying. Those weird feelings kept my brain occupied for some reason.”

    “Don’t worry, Amy. Just be ha-” Sonic was cut off by Amy’s growl.

    “Don’t tell me to be happy, Sonic the Hedgehog, don’t you think I already tried that?!” Amy sobbed. Sonic hated the fact that she was depressed. He would do anything to see her smile. He pulled her up, and hugged her. 

    “I want you to be happy, so what can I do?” Sonic pulled back just a little, to tuck a loose quill out of her face. 

    “Well, you can kiss me, take me out on a date, marry me, have about seven children, I don’t mind more. You can-” This time, Sonic was the one to cut off Amy. However, it wasn’t with a comment. It was with a kiss. Amy immediately kissed back. Sonic used tongue in this kiss, and that excited specific parts of Amy’s body.

    “Sorry Ames. Only one at a time, you’re only 16! Chaos.” Amy pouted. “Okay, two things.You are officially now my girlfriend.” Amy smiled, and squeezed the living daylights out of her new-found boyfriend. 

 Sonic wrapped Amy’s hair around in his finger. “I see your quills are still long from that, incident.” Amy giggled a little. 

    “I don’t think I want to cut it.” 

    “And I don’t mind that at all. But, next time, can’t you tell us what’s eating you.”

    “Why do I have to acknowledge that you’re eating me?” Amy joked. Yes, she intended the joke to sound a bit...dirty.

    “Oh my CHAOS, Amy! Way to get a man’s hormonal drive up to 130%!” Sonic said, putting his hand to his heart, acting all dramatic. 

    “Wow. How was it so easy to confess to me?” Amy asked, while smirking.

    “I never confessed! But here it is! I...I-I l-love...you...” Sonic barely said it all out. Kind of hard to explain feelings when you’re ego is the size of an Olympic Swimming Pool. His ego would probably die there, anyways.

    “IT’S ABOUT TIME, GOD, I THOUGHT AMY WOULD END UP WITH SOMEONE ELSE!” The couple turned around, to find the whole team standing at the door. Lyra was recording with a camcorder, a digital camera, and her phone. She even set up a tripod. Knuckles was the one who yelled, just wanted to let you know. Suddenly, Sonic felt warmth on his ear.

    “I love you too. Good job on recognizing your feelings for once.” Amy winked at him and left the room.

WOW WAS THIS LATE. Sorry for posting this a bit late. I started this on Wednesday, but somehow completed this Sunday night. It’s weird because I usually spend fifteen minutes writing a oneshot, but writing this was a bit difficult, because I’m not one to insult Amy Rose. I LOVE HER TOO MUCH SHE’S MY FAVORITE SONIC CHARACTER!!!!!!!!!! I’m very tired because my bed is so fricking hard. 

[theeternalspace]

Absent Gods 1

I want to wish a really, really happy birthday to the all wonderful @i-will-physically-fight-you. You have been a really good friend to me ever since I was lucky enough to be paired with you all that time ago during a Big Bang.

Since it’s your birthday, I give you this gift. Logan and Virgil angst. I don’t know how many chapters it will be total, but I hope you will stick with me, one and all. Because Logan has some learnin’ to do!

This will have a happy ending. 

Masterpost

Title: Absent Gods and Silent Tyranny or: How Logan Learned to Stop Over Thinking and Love Everyone

Pairings: None / Platonic LAMP with Logan and Virgil focus.

Characters: Logan, Virgil and The Dragon Witch in this chapter.

Summary: Dr. Logic makes his living working for whichever Super Villain is willing to pay. At the end of the day it is a job where he can put his talents to work.

He certainly isn’t bothered by things like public morality or the definition of good vs evil. He doesn’t have time for things like that, although he accepts that he would be considered a ‘bad guy’. As far as Logan is concerned, it is a small price to pay for the benefits of proper scientific funding. 

But when his latest invention fails and his Boss decides to punish someone else for his mistakes, Logan is forced to reevaluate everything he thought he knew. 

And maybe accidentally make some friends along the way.

Warnings: Morally grey Logan - he doesn’t get it you guys. Threats of torture, angst. General Villainy. Being held captive. If I’ve missed any let me know. 

Previous || Next

~~~

There were many things that Logan didn’t understand about his boss. 

Her almost obsessive need for dramatics was just one of them. Admittedly, right now, it was fairly high up on the list of things he didn’t understand and wished he did. Mostly because right now he was sat in a chair with a ring of fire around it to keep him in place while she prowled backwards and forwards outside. Really, the whole thing was pointless since Logan hadn’t made a single attempt to leave. He saw no need, she had called him in for a meeting and so a meeting they would have. 

There were other things he didn’t understand about her. A lot of them were in some way connected to that dramatic impulse which ran through every action she took. It was as though being a villain intent on overthrowing the current ruling regime and replace it with her own rule wasn’t enough for her. She had to somehow stand out from the rest of the would be dictators and tyrants. Like many of them, she had decided to go dramatic to do so.

Logan was fairly certain that by trying to stand out, she just made herself fade more into the background because it was hard to tell her apart from any other cackling villain giving a monologue about their latest plan. 

Still, as far as super villains went, he had worked for worse. He had spent several particularly unpleasant years stuck as head ‘henchman’ for a particularly inept villain who considered himself a mad scientist even though it had been Logan who had done most of the work. Logan would have quit long ago if it hadn’t been for the awkward fact that he had accidentally agreed to let the man genetically tag him. Logan never made the same mistake twice however and he made doubly sure to read every contract before signing it. 

If it hadn’t been for the heroes eventually shutting him down and one of them wiping the hard drives that contained Logan’s bio-metric passport, he would still be stuck there, more a slave than anything else.

As it was, he had been able to escape in the confusion, quickly getting himself another job with another villain. 

Logan didn’t fool himself. He didn’t consider himself a particularly good person. Then again, he didn’t consider himself a particularly bad one either. He worked for her because the pay was good and because - for the most part - he agreed with her aims should she ever actually manage to take over the world. At this point, he was starting to wonder if she could even manage to take over the city. 

How hard could it be to take over a city? Not that Logan would ever question her on that. He valued his own skin too highly for that and he learnt almost right away that you didn’t insult or question the boss. 

It had led to many bitten cheeks over the years but that was a price Logan was willing to pay rather than being vaporised on the spot. Or worse, agonisingly tortured to death for insolence, like so many of his rather stupid colleagues over the years. 

Sometimes, he wondered why he had never taken the step to become a super villain in his own right. He could probably do a much better job of it that most of his employers. He wouldn’t waste time telling the heroes his plans. He would merely dispose of them and move on.  

Still, if he had done that, then he might never have met - no. Best not to think, to second guess himself in the hypothetical. 

It wouldn’t be death. He wouldn’t kill and that was one of the reasons why he was content to remain as a head scientist or tech in whatever evil organisation he was currently working for. With the aforementioned mad scientist excluded, all his previous evil employers had nothing but positive things to say about him. He had glowing references - in the case of the one from a radioactive villain, quite literally glowing. 

He didn’t particularly want to take over the world. The neat and logical order that would come with him ruling was a tempting prospect but Logan had no desire for all the work that came with it. He would be content with ruling his own little area as promised. 

Right now, however, he was seriously considering handing his notice in. Honestly, he had been considering the concept for a while now, ever since her latest... hire. He didn’t mind working with someone else so long as they either knew their place or could match him in intelligence. They could never do the later but they tended to fall into the former. Or else he convinced her to get rid of them. Logan never really lost much sleep over what ‘got rid of’ could mean in the context of a super villain. It was just part of life and he moved on from it.

But the latest helper had been different. He could almost match Logan in talent. If it wasn’t for the rather unfortunate little fact that he was a prisoner and being held against his will then they would have gotten along splendidly from the start. 

As it stood, it had taken them weeks to get past the rather frosty greetings each shift. The chains and guards probably didn’t help matters but Logan couldn’t understand why he was so opposed to making the best of a bad situation. It didn’t matter that he might not agree with her methods - he was her prisoner and it would be logical to go along with her wishes to save himself further pain.

Virgil hadn’t thought much of that logic. Which had resulted in more beatings that Logan had thought strictly necessary. He needed him intact for their work. 

Eventually, Virgil had settled into some kind of grumpy obedience, enough that they were able to converse - albeit still with a guard present - and make progress on various work orders from the boss. Logan had come to rather admire Virgil’s brain in those weeks and eventually something approaching a friendship had been formed. Enough that Logan could trust Virgil not to stab him in the back. Enough for him to be able to produce some very useful items for his boss. 

Enough to start to give him doubt about if it was... right, to keep Virgil here against his will.

He was safer here. There was little chance of attack because if there was one thing Ms Dragon Witch was good at, it was keeping her secret lairs, well secret. Virgil was the first ‘heroic’ prisoner she had ever brought to her base, and he was never allowed out of the lab or the cell he was kept in next to it. Logan had a horrible suspicion he was sedated whenever she wished to see him so that Virgil couldn’t learn the layout of the base. 

All the better for Virgil. The less he knew, the less danger he was in. The less chance there was that he would think to make an escape attempt - not that Logan thought Virgil was that foolish, he was too smart to risk himself on such a small chance of success. 

There were no fights down here, no chance of being caught in the crossfire. Just food, a roof and the chance to work on his projects. What more could anyone need?

According to Virgil, quite a lot. He wanted to go home, and he didn’t insult Logan’s intelligence by pretending that had changed. He wanted his brother and his other friends, no matter how idiotic he called them. He wanted to not be a prisoner. That last one, at least, Logan could sympathise with. 

But if Logan gave in his notice, there was no way that his Boss, would allow him to take Virgil as a leaving present. He was her prized possession, her trophy and she adored having him brought to her chambers to gloat about whatever recent mission that had gone well. It was all rather inconsiderate of her, since more often than not the two of them had been deep in work when the summons had arrived.

Not to mention how pale and shaken his assistant always was when he was eventually returned to him. Virgil would take hours and sometimes a whole day to recover and get back into the groove of things. He couldn’t help but wonder what exactly she showed him. 

More and more, he felt like there had to be something he could do to aid Virgil, but he had yet to come up with a plan that didn’t get them all killed. If only Virgil could be reconciled to his new life. If only his boss would stop tormenting him so Logan could convince him of the merits. If only his friend wasn’t being hurt every day while Logan simple worked on his projects. 

It was a worry in the back of his mind, nothing more. It wasn’t a distraction and he refused to allow himself to be sidetracked by anything. Logan certainly wasn’t using those thoughts as an excuse for what had happened earlier today when Dragon Witches attempted attack on City Hall had been thwarted by the heroes. Her escape had been a close thing, with Logan’s devices barely functioning. Certainly not as he had intended. 

So his invention had failed. It was bound to happen sooner or later. Not even a genius like Logan could claim to have a one hundred percent success rate as much as he might wish otherwise. He was convinced that it wasn’t malicious but merely creator - or more likely user - error. He would improve on them and the same mistake would never happen again. 

The problem seemed to be his bosses increasingly paranoid view of the world. And how she didn’t seem to believe him that it had been an innocent accident. Instead, she had summoned him for this meeting, threw flame around his chair and then started ranting. Accusing him of either sabotaging the devices himself in the hope she would be captured or turning a blind eye to allow Virgil to do it to his work. 

It was insulting to think that he would betray his own values so lightly. He worked hard for his money, he worked hard for his reputation. He wouldn’t sacrifice it for mere sentiment, no matter how increasingly unstable she was becoming. He would simply quit, as he had considered. He certainly wouldn’t allow Virgil to sabotage his work, no matter how uneasy he felt about their partnership because that would be sabotaging everything Logan held dear. 

A shame, he couldn’t help but feel that she failed to see the beauty in those logical thoughts. Or the truth in them. 

She stood a few paces in front of him, having finally stopped her relentless prowling backwards and forwards. Deceptively delicate looking hands rested on her hips as she stared at him over the flames. As always, she was dripping in jewellery, rings on every finger, multiple bracelets and bangles jangling on her wrists with every little motion. Logan had always wanted to point out the fact that she made noises with her jewellery when she moved probably didn’t help her plans to be stealthy.

Once again, a healthy respect for his own skin staying intact had kept him quiet. Just as he kept quiet about the hideous fashion choice that was her ‘uniform’. A tight fitting gold and silver dress with a slit almost up to her waist might be her idea of seductive but as Virgil had once so rightly described her, she looked almost... tacky, than anything else. Coupled with the high heels she insisted on wearing, it certainly wasn’t a practical outfit but he swallowed down the biting comments he wished to say. 

Working for a super villain could be so exhausting sometimes. 

“So you still refuse to admit your guilt Dr. Logic?” 

“I cannot admit to something I didn’t do Ms Dragon Witch.” There was no point in losing his temper even now. She would have to see reason eventually. All he had to do was explain things in smaller words until she eventually understood. He knew he was in the right and given enough time he was confident that he could convince her of that. All Logan had to do was stay alive long enough for her anger to fade and leave her more open to reason. 

“Fine,” she snapped. “You say you didn’t do it, thus logically you have nothing to be worried about it. In which case, I am sure you won’t mind what is about to happen.” One hand lifted into the air, the various bracelets making an all too familiar jingle jangle as they did. She didn’t say or do anything else but he had no doubt that the movement was a recognised signal for something. 

“Why?” Logan asked. He had to ask, he had to know. “What is about to happen?”

She smiled, something cold and empty. The fire that still raged around him seemed to be the only hot thing left in the room. Logan had thought he wanted her to calm down, to stop ranting and raving at him but now that she had done just that, he found her expression... disconcerting in the extreme. She was up to something. Her devious mind had been one of the attractions to accepting the job in the first place but he had never planned to be on the receiving end of her schemes. 

“I am not convinced of your honesty Dr. Logic. I think that little assistant I gave you has been messing with you. Maybe you don’t even realise what he has been doing hmm? Maybe you’re not as smart as you like to think and he’s been tricking you? Maybe you are falling for his poor little me act?” 

She was talking about Virgil, Logan realised with an unpleasant jolt. She was acting as though Virgil was manipulating him, that he was the victim here. 

Logan didn’t doubt that Virgil would take advantage of a situation like that if the opportunity presented itself to him. Virgil was a survivor and you didn’t become one of those by forever following the rules. He wanted to get out of here and back to the place that he called home. Of course he would leap at any chance. That didn’t mean there had been any chance for him to do that. Logan made sure that he wasn’t faced with any such temptation. 

And how dare she think that Logan would be that foolish as to fall for such a thing? Logan might have some latent sympathy for the predicament that Virgil found himself in but there was no way he would be so foolish as to help him. Not like that. Helping like that would only lead to pain. Logan was keen to keep both of them away from that. 

Also, he was just smarter in general than to be fooled by someone trying to sabotage his work behind his back.

“I can assure you that you are incorrect. My work was not tampered with, either by myself or my assistant. Sometimes projects do not work as well as intended. Surely you can appreciate such a fact?” 

It was cutting perilously close to the bone, to make such a comment. To remind her of all her own failures. Logan however, was starting to become a little desperate. He couldn’t decide if the way she ignored him was a good thing or not. Dragon Witch curled some of her dark brown hair between her fingers, twisting it into a tighter and tighter circle as she carried on speaking. Her voice was light, almost musing but no less deadly because of that. 

“Either way I’m going to have to punish him for your failure.”

It was my failure!” Logan protested. He tried to ignore how his heart leapt into his mouth at the sight of the still form of Virgil being dragged into the room. The purple haired man was held by his arms, hanging limply between two of her guards, head bowed. It didn’t comfort Logan to get confirmation of his theory that she kept him unconscious from room to room. Normally, being proved right was a sure fire way to cheer Logan up. It settled and reassured him. 

Seeing Virgil in such a weakened state didn’t do that this time. 

“Ah the guest of honour,” she purred, turning away from Logan, her attention momentarily lost by the new arrival. It gave Logan a chance to shift a little in his seat, trying to get a better view of Virgil. It was hard to tell over the flames but he was confident that Virgil was at least breathing - it remained to be seen if that would actually be a good thing or not. 

Ms Dragon Witch clicked her fingers, pointing towards another chair, set in perfect symmetry to Logan’s own. There was a circle of dust around it, powder that Logan knew could turn to flame at a moment’s notice. How he had failed to notice it before was beyond him, but then again, his attention had been fixed on the danger in front of him. Not the seating arrangements opposite him. 

Virgil was deposited none too gently in the chair, his head still slumped forward on his chest. 

“Finally, time to play. What do you say Dr. Logic? Shall we test some theories?”

“Theories?” Logan repeated back to her, gaze darting between his boss and his assistant. The flames had to be getting to him at last, because he could feel sweat beads springing up along his forehead. “I am a man of science, you know I am always interested in proving or disproving theories.” 

“Excellent! Let’s find out just what happened shall we? And how long it takes for my little toy to scream this time.” 

Her smile was as unsettling as before, sharp and cutting. She threw back her head and laughed, a super villain finally indulging herself to her limit. Logan had seen her in these moods before, but he had never been on the receiving end of one. He had always known better but now, through no fault of his own it appeared as though he was about to get a taste of her at her worst. 

Or was it, Virgil was about to learn just how evil she could actually be? 

For perhaps the first time in his life, Logan finally found something that he didn’t want to know the answer to. 

[vaguely-concerned]

TEMERAIRE LET’S READ: BLOOD OF TYRANTS, THE WILLIAM LAURENCE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT NG+ SPEEDRUN

- oh NO LAURENCE D:D:D:

I do love that one of his first realizations is that he’s definitely not dutch tho lol this dumbass remembered that he was english before he remembered his own name

- caught between OH NO TEMERAIRE (and it’s only page 9 it’s going to be one of those books huh) and laughing my ass off at the thought of him swooping into notoriously isolationist japan and yelling ‘HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN MY DAD???’

- “Yes,” [Laurence] said, unyielding, as he could not be otherwise. ahahahahaha way to summarize the entirety of old school!laurence with one fucking sentence

(I am very much enjoying this uh. ‘setback’ of his character actually? novik really did just roll him back to factory settings and went ‘now... from the top again, let’s see if you’ve been paying attention these last seven books’ haha. no one told me there’d be a test!!!!!!!!!!)

- Kaneko really has the patience and graciousness of a saint, @ laurence please... please try to be marginally less sketchy hm? (I guess his sheer obliviousness to how direly he comes across here must be why kaneko hasn’t dismissed him out of hand)

- y’know... at least laurence is in no position to have to worry about all this shit temeraire and the others are pulling. when people start talking about black-scaled celestials shaking the country to its very foundations he’ll be blissfully, innocently unaware. that’s something, I suppose... well who am I kidding we’ll 100% get a couple of paragraphs of him convincing himself this is all his fault somehow anyway

- . . . and His Majesty’s Government does not behave in such an underhanded a manner as to attack another nation with no warning or quarrel. aha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha oh what a strange beautiful fantasy land you’ve been residing in for most of your life william laurence, hang on tight for the opium wars

- hahaha oh my god this is like a platonic version of that text post

temeraire: have you guys seen my dad??!?!

them: what does he look like?

temeraire, crying: beautiful and human and has gold buttons

- I take it all back old school laurence is such a tremendous idiot. just PRETEND you’re willing to cooperate at least you huge fuckign dummy, all you’d have to do was say something vague about how the ship can’t get too close to shore; it won’t actually help them and they’ll know it but you won’t make yourself look so unspeakably willfully suspicious

-  :( making me read things where temeraire is just hurting should be ILLEGAL actually

- NO LAURENCE STOP TRYING TO KICK LITERALLY EVERY POLITICAL HORNET’S NEST WITHIN REACH BAD BOY he is... a disaster but I love him and fear for him as a son so here I am anyway

- hahahahaha yeah wow laurence it sure would suck if you ever had to commit treason huh death probably would be preferable indeed

b o i

- i like that it took him like a week to even give a single thought to edith lol at least he remains aggressively himself

- I think temeraire basically just invented dragon baby photos and I can’t even think for how darling it is

also every dragon physician is delightful; they fear neither god, man nor huge ass patients who could swallow them in a bite

aw man I love gong su

- ahahahahahahah kiyo is the actual best I can’t breathe

KANPAI INDEED, MY LADY, MY LIEGE, I DON’T CARE WHAT ELSE HAPPENS I WOULD FOLLOW YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH

Laurence was forced to at least moisten his lips in a show of accompaniment, and hope that he had indeed buried Caesar and not praised him, or for that matter raised him from the dead one act too soon; he was not perfectly sure. He did not think he had been this appallingly drunk since he had been a boy of twelve, trying to make good on every toast at his captain’s table. I. am. dying

thank you thank you thank you for the mental image of laurence drunkenly trying to stumble through the ‘friends, romans, countrymen’ speech as well as the entire rest of the play in a one-man performance

- oh no... I would die for junichiro, baby boy who loves his teacher SO MUCH ;____________; aaaaand there are laurence’s adoption instincts, I see, right on time <3 I like how they have had one actual conversation now and laurence is like ‘ah well nothing for it then guess you’ll have to stay on my ship and I’ll have to be your dad now, brash 16 year old child’

junichiro is being Full Teenager about laurence not knowing ~*obvious*~ things and it’s a delight

- y’know this period of japanese history is always portrayed in the west as paranoia and it could probably only be done because the country was a strict military dictatorship at the time... but having read oh, any history book ever, deciding that nope nah don’t think so no europeans ever is the greatest ‘fair enough’ in human history.  (...I guess this series is sort of AU fix it fic of the period in the first place haha)

- seeing temeraire this level of straight out angry is very interesting and also very unsettling

- ooooof whenever laurence almost-remembers temeraire... stab me in the heart why don’t you

- man churki really is the mom friend of these dragons she’s the only one who has a lick of sense

- *laurence, upon clobbering several men with an oar* “Ma’am, I beg your pardon,” Laurence said to the old woman, who was still sitting ramrod-straight in the ferry over the side from him and regarding him with a flat expression of utter disapproval and not the least evidence of fear; he put out a boot over the side and shoved the ferry off with a heave

god this book is just a continual parade of glorious mental images, just this old woman glaring at him like ‘RUDE’ and “Ma’am, I beg your pardon” fdslfhsdlkjh

- I have a lot of sympathy for hammond. imagine having to navigate the extremely delicate diplomatic situation between europe and japan, with the real prospect of a war breaking out over it, while temeraire is looking over your shoulder... real dragon in the glassware shop vibe going on here, i’m sorry about your life hammond

- AUGH laurence just sort-of-remembered emily he just half-remembered he basically has a daughter someone hold me (...junichiro is so so sweet ;___;)

- bwahahaha yeah I’m sure the only reason this impressionable young kid who’s slowly becoming very impressed by you has for sneaking glances at your bare chest is manly appreciation of your battle scars laurence, well done (I mean a supremely understandable innocent teen crush to develop but stay safely out of that, kid; I trust tharkay to survive the sheer field of mayhem around this man only because he’s got like 20 years, extreme competency and a world of cynicism on you)

- aw junichiro :(:(:(

- ...laurence you need to stop making your dragon boi think you’re dead because this is hurting me. my heart lies in sad little pieces on the ground right now. you are stepping on them with tapdancing shoes.

- “I am under an obligation to Junichiro,” [Laurence] said, quietly, “who you must know has aided me for love of you. If I surrender myself and am made prisoner in this way, will your honor be satisfied?”

fdsfhsdkfsdja  *ELMO SURROUNDED BY FLAMES GIF* this is all awful they’re all such good people why must this happen why this  

(what a way to remind me why I love this stupid wonderful man so much tho uuuuuugh)

- “He is a prince of China, and my captain.” “The devil I am,” said Laurence. This might be the funniest heartbreak I have ever experienced

- good job making me cry whenever I read the words ‘principia mathematica’ naomi novik that was real nice of you

- maximus is such a solid bro. not the brightest, but by god a good 80% of that boy’s gigantic body mass is pure heart

- I love the sheer trollishness of just dropping all these hints about whatever’s going on in the US and then moving on like nothing has happened lol at least it’s deeply implied that hamilton squandered his chances at the presidency by pulling his dumb hoe act in this universe too... constants and variables friends constants and variables

- bOY for a moment there I really did wonder if junichiro was going to die, thank god for a quick google to stop my heart from leaping up my throat and out into thin air to shatter yet again on the flagstones beneath

- in unrelated news I recently found out a bit more about the whole historical Situation in Australia at the beginning of Tongues of Serpents (incidentally, by reading Mark Forsyth’s ‘A Short History of Drunkenness’, which is very funny and quite interesting although I can personally testify that the chapter about vikings at least is completely riddled with misunderstandings or straight out factual errors about the mythology, the role of women in society and uh the entirety of how poetry worked so maybe take him with a pinch of salt lol), and now, in retrospect, I have to say Novik does a poor job conveying the sheer hilarity and madness going on at that time. Like. I was quite bored in those first few chapters, whenever Tharkay didn’t have page time. how could you make this incredible spectacular shitshow boring. it should have been easy comedy gold and not just like. misery. oh well great times, let’s return to the book at hand

- I remain utterly devoted to Lady Kiyo. livin’ life, drinking sake, giving no fucks, absentmindedly scoping out the western style ships and starting an entire modern navy for her country, getting some Theater up in here.... truly I would follow her into the jaws of hell itself, safely in the knowledge that she’d find some way to have a good time down there

- kaneko tearing up at laurence promising he’ll take care of junichiro 😭 this is so cruel to me, personally, specifically against my person, I am undone

- I like how the incan dragons are told like ‘don’t pick just one special person; you can love all your humans equally’ while the poor japanese ones are told ‘actually don’t love any of your humans very much at least not more than Honour’ lol they must have so many neurotic dragons running about b/c that when that attachment happens it seems extremely central to their psychology (and considering lady arikawa it’s not like they’re exempt from it, they’re just supposed to repress it to conform)

- laurence desperately trying to work out whether emily’s his daughter without actually asking anyone... delicious

the descriptions of roland’s letters: even more delicious

- temeraire sees the sad remnants of laurence’s robes and ‘hello darkness my old frieeeeend’ starts playing in his head... too bad laurence isn’t really in a position to experience the relief

- He is very much a one-note character, but O’Dea’s resolute dedicated fatalism is extremely funny

- hahaha poor temeraire... when you try to introduce bae to the family and they insist on being TOTALLY EMBARRASSING god

- The guilt of having caused pain to one deserving only consideration at his hand mingled with unanswered disquiet. I’m bawling laurence’s dad instincts are so pure and good even tho everything’s a bit messed up right now. like this whole paragraph is so powerful b/c you can see laurence’s natural loving impulse at war with his dad’s cold authoritarian parenting style and because his lived experience is removed he doesn’t know what is right.............. oh b o y

- oh okay I see my earlier comment about the opium wars proves unexpectedly prophetic

- it cannot be overstated how much I love junichiro or how happy I am that laurence is being so soft and patient with him. this kid has Been Through some shit

- emily roland shoulder to shoulder with laurence killing fools and he never doubts her for a moment... *chef kiss emoji*  

- the problem with these books is that there are just so many good characters and so many of them don’t get any real page time in any given one -- I’m sitting here plaintively like ‘I realize this is not the most pressing issue right now but how is demane and sipho doing. are they okay. does sipho have enough books’

- ouch memory loss isn’t stopping laurence from flashing back to victory of eagles :(

there’s something so disconcerting about knowing why laurence reacts to things the way he does when he doesn’t; novik is using that very efficiently, this is a very satisfying use of amnesia just from a writer’s POV haha

- I like how none of these suckers really have the tools (or in some cases even inclination) to understand how messed up junichiro’s political situation is in all this

they just expect him to come home to britain with them and meanwhile he’s just found out that The greatest threat to his nation (from his POV I mean china/japan relations irl seem uh complicated) has more dragons in one field than he’s ever seen in his life. it’s a rough and lonely deal being this kid in this book

- oh ouch yes hey there laurence there might have been... a little bit of treason. true. extremely justified treason tho. I mean. oh dear

we don’t have tharkay and his unique mix of deep cynicism, incisive sarcasm and surprising depth of concise moral clarity here to assist with the aftermath so this could get  u g l y

- listen what did I SAY about making me read about temeraire being miserable     :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

- SIPHO!! hey baby boy pls have some thought for your brother’s cardiac health tho

- aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw the fact that laurence is getting out of this crisis so much quicker this time because of his bone-deep instinctual knowledge of how much he loves temeraire, which doesn’t need specific memories to be true and felt. god. jesus. stars above

- laurence: approaches little

little: gay panic

- [Laurence] groped after the truth of himself like a prisoner in Plato’s cave, watching shadows. *clenches fist with great emotion* fuck naomi novik why must you be such an excellent goddamn writer im in pain

- oh hay arkady

poor poor temeraire feeling like a failure in every way is so awful but also kind of funny. ‘oh shit arkady’s egg oh fuck oh crap’

- I LOVE that hammond is so clearly and repeatedly shown to be a very astute political thinker and working shit out before everyone else! he may be a dumbass and a bit of a weasel but by god he’s great at what he does!

- laurence wouldn’t have changed anything if he could u guise. I . that. hm. oh

- thARKAY

.........arkady I am only a human and a small one at that but I will find some way to climb up there and wring your neck

(how cute is it that apparently jane roland realized she needed someone to find laurence and was like ‘well I need someone who can take care of themselves and knows the area and speaks dragon and Understands the chaotic ways of william laurence and also has looked uncharacteristically like a kicked puppy at the very mention of his name ever since being forced to leave him behind in australia.... hey tharkay you want a job’ fhkjshdfkalhsd)

- I’m very glad I googled ahead and spoiled myself a bit on this, because if I just read this part fresh I would have expired on the spot

- MISSION GET MY BOY BACK SAFE FOR GOD’S SAKE is a go

- general chu is pretty cool for an old dude you feel me

- . . . and Laurence knew him; knew him and knew himself.

ahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha

hahahahahahahhahahahaha

hahahahhha

haha

what... what pure undiluted soulmate nonsense is this. what. how. WHY would you do this

- I think I said something offhandedly in my victory of eagles reactions about how tharkay makes laurence remember who he is. I. thought I was exaggerating slightly for dramatic effect at the time. um wow

- I am having the sort of feelings about I need to write fiction about because my ability to express it any other way is failing me. That’s just about the highest praise I could give, really, Novik sure knows how to plant interesting seeds in her stories lol

- for the record this is not how I wanted him to end up in laurence’s bed

(im not thinking too much about how he got hurt b/c if I do I’ll start crying and that’ll just be embarrassing for everyone)

- “I hope you will forgive my mentioning it, Will,” Tharkay said, eventually, rousing Laurence from his reverie. “ -- I recognize there is a certain pot-calling quality to my doing so under the circumstances, but have you noticed that the top of your head appears likely to come off?”

a) my love for him is just. so pure. so complete. so deep b) consistent first name basis; the one sure way to make me swoon c) the implication that he’s just been quietly watching laurence while he was lost in thought... im so soft

- oh god laurence very gently helping out demane and roland because he remembers now....... i cry and my tears are blood welcome back buddy

- “I am of the opinion,” Tharkay said, “that you ought not assign to free will something more likely the consequence of a sharp blow to the skull.”

he truly is the gift that keeps giving. an endless cornucopia of sarcasm and delight. we do not deserve him.  

- [The man he was eight years ago] would not have valued his own feelings, on such a matter, higher than the law and the discipline of the service. *AIRHORN AIRHORN AIRHORN* there we have it folks that’s literally his character arc spelled out, he would have done SO MUCH BAD SHIT because he thought his own feelings didn’t matter and yet he chose another direction, stupendous, brilliant, revolutionary

also him trying to get his support across to both of them in as roundabout and discreet way as possible... laurence you beautiful disaster

- im just so happ. so happy. so happy temeraire has his dumb dad back

- oh so the russians think the BRITISH, of all people, are too soft on their dragons... ruh-roh

- sdfskadlfj yes good tharkay the ROBES (also the implied depth of fond schadenfreude-tinged amusement contained in that ‘those particularly magnificent robes’.... *prayer hands emoji*)

laurence is like ET TU BABE?????

I think this is very delicate gong su speak for ‘please do not be a dumb bitch your majesty’

hahaha chu knows what’s up -- I am growing desperately fond of him, please don’t have him suffer any cop-one-day-from-retirement style accident

- “If I may cut your Gordian knot,” Tharkay said, with a glint in his eye. fdsklfhsdkflhdsakjfhdskjh remember back in black powder war when he was all closed off and phlegmatic and purposefully distant... and here he is... with a glint in his eye and a crazy ass plan that requires other people and that he actually shares before pulling it off and calling laurence by first name in public......... we’ve come so far

- Also this means he’s close enough to Laurence’s height and build that he can wear his clothes without it looking weird, which is nice to know because Laurence is sometimes more preoccupied with describing what men are wearing than, y’know, what they look like lol. (probably not quite as broad in the shoulders, tho, since it’s pointed out every time laurence is described that he has shoulders like a linebacker)

- temeraire: eXCUSE me god didn’t do this the emperor of china did???!?! rude???

- pffffffffff tharkay and chu being jaded world-weary bros for a second there... this is what I read these books for folks

- NOOOOOOOOOOO chu this is the one thing I asked you NOT to do D: temeraire being sad and scared about it is slowly murdering me, thank god laurence is back online for him

- dunno this napoleon dude sounds pretty great and all but this also sounds suspiciously... like trying to invade russia in the winter time. immovable force and unstoppable object or something. I mean I don’t read history so I don’t know. might be a great idea. who’s to say.

- I see that tharkay and laurence have reached the ‘communicating complex information solely through eyebrow movements’ stage of their relationship. *drinks this excellent excellent OTP juice with both hands*

- god I love how cool temeraire!napoleon is, in a strangely believable way. he’s just so weirdly charismatic and novik is SO GOOD at setting up a situation so you understand just how brilliant a move he’s made whenever he seems to be backed into a corner and turns it all around. I kind of want him to win at this point (though tbf all of europe fucking sucked at this time so like he doesn’t have to doll it up TOO much to look better by comparison haha)

- boooyyyy Laurence is P I S S E D (also him being like ??? :D that the general basically agreed with him lol)

ALSO also the fact that laurence does not realize that he’s like the fucking horror story all the major authorities around the globe tell each other at night... fjksdfhsdkjlhf

ah russia. truly consistently one of the most shit places to be a peasant or apparently a dragon through so much of history.

- junichiro Y__________Y no wonder laurence is so protective of him, he’s finally met someone as stubbornly stupidly ~*honorable*~ as himself. godspeed bb boy I wish you only the best even though I know your story line is never properly brought up again

- I ship... roland and demane... so much. like with my heart. she’s so young and earnest and curious and misses him so much and casually scandalizes alice about it fsjdakfjhds

- well I mean. dragons eating people is clearly not  g r e a t  but also... karma. y’know?

- this is a lot of words to use to convey the sentiment ‘oh they are all so fuuuuuuuuuuuuucked’ naomi novik

(feels a little like she wrote herself into a corner here tho -- she’s set up such an impossible situation, in RUSSIA in the WINTERTIME, that I’d need a hell of a lot of convincing to believe they get out of it)

- aaaah okay I really enjoyed this one too, especially the first half! I feel like this series is often at its most inspired when it sticks to a tighter character focus (for example I still vividly recall the part in the first book where Laurence stays in his father’s house and it’s Bad. relatedly........ F U C K lord allendale), and this brought that in spades. I love this series so much, it’s shamefully underappreciated in the speculative fiction world.

also it brought *me* to my knees with a simple “Tenzing,” [Laurence] said, which... holy shit. fuck. damn. that’s my personal recommendation of this book, tbh, even beyond my wish for this series to be more appreciated within the genre: Tharkay was there and it was very gay and non-obnoxious soulmate vibes???? I never even thought it could be done but here we are

This is probably going to be my last reaction thingy for the foreseeable future, since my local library doesn’t have book 9 and honestly... having read a few summaries of what happens in it I’m not that keen on reading it? That’s not the ending to this story I want, so I’ll just live over here in denialville, I-realize-the-author-made-the-choice-to-not-make-further-use-of-Lien-AKA-THE-coolest-antagonist-in-this-series-and-indeed-did-not-wrap-up-numerous-character-arcs-or-plot-lines-but-I-don’t-like-this-choice-so-I’ll-ignore-it

(actually I do sort of appreciate the idea of not having one grand final duel or something, because that’s not how it usually works in real life, but that she’d just shrug and not mercilessly hunt for the revenge she’s so clearly motivated by when everything she loves is falling apart around her again... that’s too much of a letdown to bear, really)

let me just... live in willful ignorance and pretend anything could happen from this point onward haha.

- let me give a final shout out to my boy gong su, who’s been hanging around since book 2 (!) and yet we do not know One Single personal detail about him for certain except that he sure knows how to handle knives. that’s some good spy shit right there, he knows what he’s about