#literally how we watched it
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freshman/sophomore year riz gukgak on three hours of sleep & five cups of coffee: vibrating out of his skin, one hand on his gun, talking at 100 words per minute, the poster child of paranoia
junior year riz gukgak on zero hours of sleep, nine cups of coffee, perfect grades, & twelve half-assed extracurriculars: literally whining his way through sentences just trying to piece enough words together to allow one coherent transfer of information while his brain melts out of his ears from stress
#this scene of him in the car with sklonda is killing me#'honey you should tell someone-' (riz covering his face and literally literally WHINING) 'WE CAN'T becauseeee we told someone and#people killeddd herrrr and then i was at the mall and fig tried to eat a shrimp and' (continues like this for ten minutes)#he is making the barest shreds of sense#riz gukgak#dimension 20#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#fh#fhjy#i cannot articulate how hard i was laughing watching that scene. i was SNORTING#brian murphy#d20#stuff#fhfy#fhsy#accurate fucking representation of the classic genius burnout#college is going to hit riz like a semi truck
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bring your son to work day
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#tsumsted wonderland#sorry this might be it guys#just kind of burnt out right now#i am enjoying the event though! i love these silly beanbags and their charming little adventures#can't wait for silver-tsum to wake up just long enough to take a bullet for malleus-tsum#and i extra extra love malleus and his beanbag both being SO passive-aggressive about missing the pile-up#the solution: DANCE PARTY#APPARENTLY#between this and glorious masquerade i'm starting to think this is malleus' solution to everything#(is this how episode 7 will end) (we DO traditionally get an end-of-episode rhythmic...)#also a+ some truly excellent spritework going on in this on#(sebek crunches down slightly 'RIDE ME WAKATSUMSAMA') (long beat) (malleus and tsum just sliiiiiide away screen left)#genuinely so much funnier than a literal depiction could ever be#anyway i did some careful calculations re:the probability of upcoming cards that i absolutely need and long story short#i am key-poor but tsum!malleus-rich >:)#(immediately goes through and switches all his lesson sprites to having a tsum wobbling on his head) worth it#now watch next month they're going to give us a white rabbit rerun with malleus and/or lilia as the frilliest froufrou bunnies#and i will be thoroughly effed
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“Mistakes on mistakes until” ch 69 spoilers below!
Ahahahahahahah here I go again
Mistakes on mistakes until until I can draw Jazz with my eyes closed
I woke up, checked my phone, woke up for real and decided that whatever plans I had for this day yeah no they can wait a little bit kfkgnfk
Also. Consider listening this while reading. Or don't who am I to tell you what to do~
#maccadam#transformers#Jazz#Meister#Starscream#L I S T E N#I THINK#The “Jazz” is a hologram and “Meister” is the Real Jazz#because yeah It totally makes sense. Soundwave touched Meister so Meister must be real. And Hound could just create the hologram of Jazz#but....b u t#I can't stop thinking that there's might be something more#like...Hound wasn't exactly wery well hidden. For the love of god STArScream saw him and talked about him#and we all know than Soundwave is a fucking all seeing eye of Sauron when it comes to watching suspicious activity#I...fuckin...listen ok#Meister's plan with second Jazz is so damn clever bc it would literally show to Soundwave how Jazz and Meister can stand in the same room#but I can't help but feel that Sounders is inevitably going to discover Hound and unlike Starscream he surely knows what Hounds “thing” is#or maybe I'm just paranoid. .#maybe Jazz..I mean Meister knows something I don't#i mean duh of course he does#augh I need to stop before by brain spins itself to shreds#This fic made me overthink every detail with double intensity haha#Also. ALSO. We might see the confrontation between Meister and Jazz I feel. we might. it makes me want to giggle for some reson kgkgkg#fic fanart#momu fanart
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toxic yuri this toxic yuri that. and just when you think it couldnt get any crazier they break out the spinning piano
#i like cant emphasize enough that this is a five min clip but every five min of the show is like this. the devils mask im 😭#god. like its SO unserious and i am laughing rn but also extremely serious how did i forget this was the scene she confessed in#oniisama e#rei asaka#no one worry about the doll thing its fucked up i promise#nanako misonoo#this was literally the scene that made me go ahahaha what the fuck are we all doing here lol upon first watch#dear brother#riyoko ikeda
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it is totally okay to be hurt and tired and fed up with the american schooling system but i need you to understand that we need to be better about loudly and routinely defending public education.
yes, many teachers suck, many schools utterly suck. i also got bullied and was absolutely not given the right support for my needs. i am not defending public education because it was kind to me. i am defending it because it needs to exist.
right-wing republicans do not want an educated population. they want kids to be homeschooled or in private school. there is a huge religious undertone to this.
the most common argument is that despite high costs, the "result" is not "good" enough. they point to failing schools as proof that public education is just never going to work out. there will be arguments made here that you actually agree with: that teachers can be bullies, that we taught online for 2 years and still charged the same amount of tuition, that we have no recourse for students to actually have agency or a voice, and that schools are now unsafe for kids due to risk of illness and gun violence.
these are all placing the blame in a fraudulent way, one intended to get your parents to homeschool you. the less kids in a school, the less federally-awarded funding for that school, the less any school succeeds. they will not mention the fact it is their legislation that takes away important funding opportunities, that teachers are living at or below the poverty line, that buildings are not kept up to code, that administration is overpaid and forces specific curriculums, that corporations like (my personal enemy) Pearson Education control certain classroom goals because teachers can't afford other options. they pretend to be ignorant of the gun violence and say "oh just get a gun" - but these are the same people who will be sending their child to a private school with a bulletproof backpack. they don't care if your kid dies, though. they "don't believe" in covid, but they did get their kid vaccinated, because of course they did.
it is a closed loop. conservative parents hear the fearmongering and remove children from the system. frequently these parents are also deeply religious. the kids are raised without access to other media & learn to parrot their parents. you have now created a new generation of conservatives. additionally, one of the parents/caregivers must stay home and homeschool the children, usually for free. i will give you 1 guess which parent tends to stay home to homeschool the children. these parents are encouraged to have many, many children. those children are most likely not getting access to safe sex ed.
we might laugh at fox news suggesting teachers are forcing children to use kitty litter but: first of all, there is kitty litter in the classroom. it's part of an emergency kit in case children are locked in due to a shooter. so that's fucking dystopian, and the fact they've completely reimagined the scenario to somehow make the teachers look bad when it's instead a fucking huge symbol of our failure as a country to protect our children.... it feels a little intentional.
secondly: don't just dismiss the situation. because, yeah, obviously, no teacher is encouraging kids to be a catboy. but the actual undertone that fox news is trying to sew is an outright distrust of teachers and of public education. they rely on the dehumanization of trans people as a common touchstone to hide the fact they're pushing two agendas at once. (which is ironic. because the thing they accuse teachers of. is pushing. an agenda.)
whenever someone tells you they want you to read less, you should be suspicious of that. when someone tries to separate you and your education, you should be suspicious of that. i don't even like incel rhetoric nor would i want my kids exposed to it - but i would not take away my child's (age-appropriate) access to the internet. i would just provide more educational materials, not less. the difference here is that i believe we can resolve ignorance with knowledge; whereas conservatives believe that ignorance is bliss.
they misappropriate funding and demonize teachers. they pull the same trick each time - the same thing we are seeing with anti-trans rhetoric. they do not want you to have access to safe sex ed, so they act horrified, claim sex ed teaches you how to thrust deep, claim that we have no idea what "age-appropriate" means. since the mid-nineties, the united states has spent at least 2 billion dollars on abstinence-only education, even though to quote the above link: "a preponderance of studies has found no effect of abstinence education at reducing adolescent pregnancy". conservatives want you to think less of any person struggling with addiction so they can continue their racist "war on drugs", so they spend up to $750 million dollars a year on the DARE program which has absolutely no effect. acting like teachers "must" be "grooming" children is just the same thing - so they can demand that funding either goes to their causes or the funding doesn't "exist" ("i'm not paying for our kids to learn that thing!")
and they want you to feel uncaring about this. they are aware that you will hate some parts of your school experience. pretty much everyone does. they want to lean into the parts that you hate so that you don't put up a fight about it when they take it away for not being "good enough."
i know i maybe sound like a conspiracy theorist. but truly. truly. it is beneficial for conservatives to reduce your faith in the american public schooling system.
one of the explicitly stated campaign promises of the conservative party: to axe the Department of Education in 2024.
i know we are all tired and burnt out and there is so much else wrong with their entire platform. but maybe just - pay attention to this one.
#i can't believe i have to say this#the conservative party is legit like ''is it anything good? okay we hate it.''#''lets kill lgbt people and ummmmm school children shouldnt be able to read they should be at home watching jordan peterson :)"#the fact that it's like all related is. wild.#like it's wild bc if u start being like. actually making it impossible to afford housing is part of how they keep the nuclear family.....#it's just like lines connecting to lines. EXCEPT ITS OBVIOUS?#what's wild to me about most conspiracy theorists is that they're like . ohhhh the govt is hiding shit!!!!!!! they don't want u to know!!!#and im like. this old man literally got up on stage and said he hates public education and will let our kids die before taking away ak-47s#and ppl are like: lol thats just bob's sense of humor he didn't mean it literally uwu
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Iwa-chan, please
#haikyuu#iwaoi#iwaizumi hajime#oikawa tooru#Im sorry about the hq brainrot @ literally anyone who followed me for aa or something else#but rereading and rewatching hq is giving me so much serotonin rn#which is a rare resource to come by these days#it makes me so nostalgic and happy and mushy inside#Like sorry for being sappy on main#even though this is my side acc#but i literally met my best friend because of iwaoi#I forgot how much hq actually means to me#I started rewatching it with my other best friend#and we are having so much fun with it!!#hq is so good#if everyone watched it I think the world would be a better place
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never forgiving bones for fucking up this scene
#hey sskk nation how are we feeling :(#literally just finished watching the new ep and i genuinely sobbed#i was so mad they didn't make him smile or have atsushi take one last look back at him bones hates to see mlm winning#also second img is me being delusional and just stopping the show when they used koko zessou for the first time and killed fukuchi#yk before he used the space time sword and literally fucking cheated#akutagawa is alive. sskk reunion totally doesn't leave gaping holes in my heart. everything is fine.#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#akutagawa ryuunosuke#ryuunosuke akutagawa#atsushi nakajima#shin sokouku#sskk#bsd#lotus draws
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Psst. Come here. Yes, you, come here. Allow me to let you in to a little secret.
When an artist draws fanart of a Thing and posts it online, there’s a 99.9% chance they’re looking to make friends with people who also enjoy said Thing.
What I’m trying to say is please just come talk to me I have so many emotions and drawing them simply isn’t enough
#literally how else would we make friends otherwise#it’s so simple watch me draw 15 aziraphale x crowley fanarts and use them as some sort of beacon to attract friend-shaped people#fanart#aziracrow#good omens#and literally any other piece of media I’ve drawn smth for
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I hear a lot of talk about how Hollywood isn't comfortable with showing romantic relationships, interracial or otherwise, without a white person involved. But I'm not sure that fans are actually comfortable with that either? And I don't think they're comfortable without a significant white (white male specifically) presence in their favorite genre shows.
#i'm not trying to start drama but i'm hearing some takes on gen v twitter that are making me not know how to feel rn...#like we have a show that doesn't go out of its way to center white men too much and yet i sense they wish they would do it more#and like#why?#because the combo of cate emma and sam can literally do the job of whatever new white character they think would add something to the cast#if you need a nice white character to be a man for whatever reason then maybe watch the boys? you'd probably like it. i do.#dm me if you're curious i guess but again i don't want drama and i don't want to automatically think the worst of people
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DTS S6E1 "Money Talks" - Fernando Alonso & Lance Stroll
#thought i might as well gif these#only thing in that ep worth gifing.....#cant say im not disappointed#but ill take my chances where i cna get them again#but was literally fighting in the trenches making these#gifing shows is just infinitely worse than gifing race stuff#especially since yknow this just came out today so i had to figure out how to clip it#so if its a bit choppy thats why ah#i love how fernando is such a manlet that i kinda had to crop lance out bcs i wanted to focus on nando LOL#like its so odd bcs he really doesnt look that much shorter than lance on stage in the first two#but in the last two hes literally tiny???? literally two apples tall??????#anywyas dont know if ill gif anymore of this show. it annoys me too much to watch anymore and i dont know if theres anymore of my guys#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#lance stroll#strollonso#we do a little bit of f1
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Today, the country indeed looks alien. The America many of us believed we knew now appears stranger in retrospect: The anger and resentment we may have thought was pitched at a simmer turned out to be at a rollicking boil. And one of liberals’ most cherished shibboleths from 2016—that Trumpism is a movement for aggrieved white men—unraveled in the face of a realignment that saw the GOP appear to give birth to a multiracial working-class movement. A second Trump presidency is the result of this misjudgment.
Democrats are a coalition party of the center-left
The Left has traditionally been associated with egalitarianism, which is by necessity concerned with the masses, the common people, the working class, but also the dispossessed, the marginalized, the disadvantaged
The modern Democratic party traces its roots most directly to the New Deal coalition of the 1930s, which it understands to have been a robust working-class and labor-rights movement
They also see themselves in the 1960s cultural revolutions and their repudiation of hierarchy, itself generally seen as the position of the common person, the masses, but also the dispossessed
The party takes its name from Andrew Jackson, great champion of the Common Man, at least as understood at his time, but it goes back to Thomas Jefferson, famous for declaring that "all men are created equal," and now excoriated for failing to live out that egalitarian principle
The Democrats are a party for the people, understood as capaciously as possible, the party that repudiates narrow nationalism and jingoism, in favor of spreading the benefits of American society widely, in opposition to favoring the privileged few
Why am I reminding you of all these things that you already know?
Because they believe so deeply that they are right in every way that matters, or at least incomparably superior to their opponents, they cannot begin to imagine repudiation from the very people in whose interests they thought they were acting, let alone in favor of the very person they swore was an existential, even murderous threat to those very same people
I think to appreciate the sensation, you might imagine a thief broke into your home, and then your family kicked you out in favor of the thief; someone broke in to ravish your spouse and they called the police on you; a sex offender told your children explicitly what he wanted to do them, and your children fought you to get out of your arms so they could crawl into the van knowing full well they'd never see you again
The shock is so existentially horrifying, such a betrayal of reality itself, that it would require rethinking all your most basic assumptions about the political order, human beings, and worst of all, yourself. Why would they do such a manifestly insane thing? Is there something I don't know? What did I miss? What did I do wrong? What do I do now?
Democrats cannot meaningfully internalize that they are the party of the privileged and the elite, by their own philosophy they are themselves the enemy, they write a blank check for the most lurid excesses of anti-colonial violence and call it "exhilarating" without dealing with the fact that given their assumptions, in this society, they are the power and not the resistance
But it's hard to ask yourself these kinds of questions and most people don't have the nerve for it, and so what we see instead, in another little paradox of human nature, is they're going to blame not the ravisher but the spouse
TL;DR, self-examination is hard, so now Democrats hate Latinos
#meanwhile republicans just don't give a shit#they are truly the 'i got mine and you can go fuck yourself' party#honestly for better and for worse#republicans are precisely as magnanimous or as vicious as their bank balance allows#but then#that is deeply human so how can you argue with it#a Republican is someone who not only knows that they would cannibalize their friends if sufficiently threatened#they know precisely the order in which they would do it#valuing as they do their personal security and survival above every other consideration#'well what do democrats value?'#the illusion of moral superiority at literally any cost#we will continue to watch these impulses play out
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Thinking about how, at the end of the day, at the fatal moment, the sunset of the Republic, it wasn’t Yoda, or Obi-Wan, or even the Chosen One himself standing in the way of Palpatine. It was Mace Windu.
Mace Windu, the inventor of Vaapad and Master of Form VII, the Jedi's strongest duelist, the only person to ever defeat Palpatine in combat. Mace Windu, Master of the Jedi Council and the youngest Master ever appointed to it, the revered leader of the Order. Mace Windu, who forgave even those who tried to kill him, who risked his life over and over again for his troops, who, after 3 years of desperate war, tried to negotiate with battle droids. Mace Windu, who knew the clones were created by the Sith and chose to trust them, who saw every Shatterpoint in the Republic, and loved it still, and fought for it until his last breath, until he was betrayed by Anakin, who he believed in and trusted despite everything.
Mace Windu, High General and hero of the Republic, the embodiment of the Light, the last and greatest champion of the Order, the best Jedi to ever live.
#I’ve said my piece goodnight#don’t play with me Mace Antis I have receipts for every last one of these#pretty much everyone agrees that he was the best duelist there was and he obviously won the fight#Anakin's choice wouldn't make thematic sense otherwise#also vader did not defeat palpatine in combat sorry he just grabbed him while he was distracted#it literally had to be a fair fight and Anakin had to be the one to choose to create the empire that's what the prequels are about#Star Wars databank calls him ‘revered’ shatterpoint tells us he was the youngest (real) member of the council#Boba Fett (tcw) and Prosset Dibs (comics) tried to kill him and he asked for amnesty and forgave them#literally just watch the Ryloth arc he spends most of his screentime saving his men#in tcw season seven he pleads with the battle droids to surrender hoping that no one else has to die#there's the part near the end of tcw where the council realizes that the clones were created by Dooku but Mace and the rest of the council#trust the clones so much they're willing to ignore it#the scene from Mace's POV in the rots novelization talks about how much he loves the republic and how he was blindsided by Anakin's betraya#because he trusted him!! we see in aotc that he has more faith in Anakin's abilities than Obi-wan#and he defeated the most powerful sith of all time single-handedly#BEST JEDI EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!#sw prequels#star wars prequels#prequel trilogy#sw prequel trilogy#star wars prequel trilogy#sw rots#star wars rots#revenge of the sith#star wars revenge of the sith#galactic republic#pro mace windu#mace windu#pro jedi order#pro jedi
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(almost) four years in, and I finally had time to draw something for the anniversary! woo! 🎉🎉🎉
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#because i need to talk for a minute about how the plot of the anniversary story so far is literally just#crowley jumpscares us in our living room to demand we make him lunch and yuu is just like 'i need to start locking the door'#oh twst you always know just how to get me#the qol updates though! CONVERTING SINGLE KEYS INTO 10-SETS YES THANK YOU OH MY GOD#SKIP LESSON TICKETS!!!!#3X BATTLE SPEED!!!!!!!!!!!!#SAVE TEAM BUILDS AND SUPPORT CARDS FINALLY AHHHHH#oh and some other stuff too but look i NEEDED these things#also master chef grim! he's so precious!#though he's not going to get a little sporty uniform after all?#grim canonically flies in the nude i guess#no it's okay chef grim is ADORABLE#if you zoom in on his card you can see little smoodges from his inexpert cake decoration 😭#which on the one hand is cute but on the other hand i'd been convinced he'd just slapped some frosting and candles on an actual can of tuna#anyway happy (a few days until the) fourth anniversary everybody!#i've been here since the beginning (preregistered during the dorm reveals babyyyy) and it REALLY doesn't feel like it's been four years#you know what they say: time flies when you're watching anime characters have emotional problems
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i've litchrally been going crazymode listening to Maintenence Phase, which is my current favorite podcast, and i highly highly recommend it if you like informative podcasts about debunking misinfo around the wellness/health/diet sphere. it's also just really fucking funny, Michael Hobbs and Aubrey Gordon are great hosts and i love their chemistry together. i'd say "if you're a fat person, you gotta listen to this shit" but honestly i don't even need to be that specific, i just think it's good listening in general. like actually, i think skinny people with or without fat friends would greatly benefit from hearing some of these episodes.
#it was actually recommended TO me by ANOTHER fat girl#so on that note I really like their ep covering Supersize Me#which. if you are in or anywhere around my age group. you were forced to watch this.#and Ozempic. which is a much newer / more current phenomenon#it can also AT TIMES be hard to listen to bc for them to debunk some anti-fat claim you do have to start out#by HEARING to the anti-fat claim before you get to the debunking. so like it's nothing we haven't ever heard before#but it can still be tough#in general though it is fast paced and funny so i can keep it pushing#but you just really come face to face with the whole thing of ohh right I forget this is how Fat Peopletm are viewed#sergle.txt#it is amazing though to hear about people who very literally blame all the world's problems on the existence of fat ppl like we're a Scourg
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It's my right to tell myself I can do just a little animation just for fun just for really quick to do some action and then spend 3 days straight on it
#animation#we were legion#2d animation#sketch animation#sketch#zagan#I jut really like drawing action okay...#Time and time again is too nice of a comic ykwim its like all about grief and forgiveness and self love#so the whole point is that there's other ways and we will always try for something better#and we will grow together#BUT NOT THIS COMIC!!!<t#this comic is about a demon who is a complete asshole and resorts to violence over literally everything!#he like gets better#but there's still action the whole time...#cause its not about anything serious its about like hey maybe theres OTHER things you can do that are cool#and that violence immediately isn't the best way to go...#but like sometimes violence is allowed#and so even in the end once he's better as a person#there can still be fights#YAYYYYYY#I love action AHHAHAHAHA#its so much fun to draw#ughhh#such a fuckin wonderful way to explore my love of anatomy and dynamic poses#like YES yes yes yes yes yes yes#let me draw a guy at like 100 different angles and they all have to match up believably#PLEASE GOD ITS SOO GOOD I LOVE IT#also I keep watching the animation. I like how it came out a lot...#ok bye.
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unable to stop dwelling on the discworld trouser leg of time where, in the penultimate fight scene in Nightwatch, Carcer manages to kill teenage Sam Vimes.
Which means that the future that Duke Vimes came from can no longer exist, which means he can’t go home. Meanwhile you’ve got a bunch of history monks with stored up temporal energy, a prepared space outside of time, and the need to do some desperate damage control before the Auditors get involved. Death shows up, reality is unweaving, Sam is reading Carcer his discworld miranda rights because what else is he supposed to do.
and finally, with little other option, the monks de-age Sam so he fits the time period and send him back out into the fray.
(they didn't call it deageing of course. His memory is hazy, splintered during that terrible in between moment, They....took the time out of him? Sanded away the edges of his self for a terrible, workable fit? It...wasn't a good feeling.)
Just—damn. Sam Vimes having to live his whole crapsack life over again, but this time as his disillusioned-reillusioned, unwillingly-character-developed, noir-epic, Duke of Ankh, Commander Sir Samuel Vimes self.
Younger (Older? He's never felt so Old, His steps so Childlike, reality twisting in his gut like one of Dibbler's pies) Sam Vimes walking around in a haze after the revolution. Desperate to go home, knowing he can’t. Wanting to drink. Knowing he can’t.
The whole precinct feels pity, he really took Keel’s death hard, hardly speaks except to do his job. Eventually he has to grit his teeth and start being present, because what else is there to do?
Resists the urge to drink until Colon takes the whole watch out to celebrate because -he’s going to be a father!
Come on Sammy, one drink won’t kill you— and after the first drink he’s cracking jokes and after the second hes smiling and after the third hes honestly the life of the party and sometime after that he’s crying about how he was going to be a father and my wife would be ashamed if she saw me drinking like this and—
Oh shit, Did anyone else know he had a wife?? A PREGNANT wife??? What—aren’t you like 12—no you're 17 now aren't you but when did—
You guys n’ver met ’er—oh gods none if you ev’n know ‘er, is jus’ me...
What—when did you lose—
I lost her the same damn day I los’ ev’rythin else, whadya think...bleeding Carcer...the fuckin revolution...
So! That! Sam only vaguely remembers the night, but rumors travel faster than light on the disc, so by the next day the whole damn city knows about poor Sam brung low by the loss of his poor, tragic, pregnant wife, so young to be a widower, and the Seamstresses nod because they already knew, don’t ask them how, somethings you just have to know in that trade.
And his mother—I don’t know, sue me, I’m a time travel fiend but there’s something deeply intriguing about a man meeting his dead parent, who is somewhat younger than him, and stepping into the old relationship like a badly fitting thing that's supposed to fit well. She would know, right? How would she deal with her son’s impossible grief? Maybe she wouldn’t know—he spent most of the time out of the house, running with different street gangs, maybe he avoids her until she dies and lives with the guilt twice over. God, we don’t even know her name. There’s just so much narrative and emotional potential that I don’t even know where to start.
When he’s on duty, which is most time - it’s agonizing because at first he remembers cases, saves lives that would have been lost. But the more time passes, the hazier his memory because in the original timeline he was becoming an alcoholic. Fuck! A kid dies and he could have saved her if he hadn’t been such a drunk, if he had just remembered where the asshole lived, but it’s all a haze, and he wants to drown out his guilt, but that’s what caused this in the first place.
Good young Sammy, who spends his rare off-time in dusty libraries (and yes, the irony that he’s apparently Carrot now is not lost on him) reading gods-only-know.
It’s not like he can ask the wizards for help, cutthroat and vicious as they are now in the not-so-distant-past.
Good young Sam, who...talks to the Broken Drum’s pet Bouncer like he’s a real person and not a dumb rock? That’s a bit weird, but he’s a bit of a funny guy.
Good old Sam, who believed the testimony of the dwarf who said the humans were trying to rob him and let the dwarf go??
the PROBLEMS this man would cause, good grief. Can you imagine a moderately progressive middle aged man with some degree of begrudging diversity and equity training that he did, for all his sins, pay attention to, suddenly going back to like, 1990, going back just 30 years, and going...oh damn this is kind of fucked up, no man you can’t say that, holy shit.
Except Sam’s lived through even more rapidly shifting social moroes! There’s no seamstress guild, there’s no women allowed inside the university, there’s no black ribboner’s society. People hunted trolls for their teeth! But Sam can’t just unlearn everything, and he can’t shut up, and he has no real luck and anyway he would absolutely get himself (temporarily) fired.
FUCK. Sam has no idea what to do with that. None. Zero clue. Wanders around in a haze until that dwarf he saved from police brutality finds him and insists on repaying the debt. No, he insists, do you have any idea what debt means to a dwarf?
“Sort-of?” he replies hesitantly, and that honest admission of incomplete knowledge shows a hell of a lot more respect and understanding than any self proclaimed dwarf-expert ever did.
Gets a job as a surface man, hauling rocks into the city. It’s backbreaking work, but, in true Discworld fashion, it’s also one hell of a workout (again the irony of being Carrot is not lost him. he freezes for a minute while hauling a rock cart, when he remembers he's technically Lost Nobility too, in a strict sense, but someone curses at him in the street and he's comfortingly grounded)
And here is where this au slides into a SPECTACULAR romantic comedy, BEAR WITH ME. Because in his time on the Watch he’s already done noir, action adventure, war story, detective who dunnit, psychological horror, but guards guards only allowed him to be a romance protagonist in an extremely limited context.
Give me righteous, twenty-something-looking, can’t-say-he-doesn’t-have-style, young Sam Vimes, not an alcoholic, being fed three square meals a day by his dwarven forced found family, hauling rocks. He is startled to find him bumping his head on a low hanging bar that he doesn’t think used to be there, eventually realizing that he’s an inch or two taller than he remembers. Huh. Guess all that bearhuggers really did stunt his growth.
Still doesn’t get what some of the looks from women he’s getting are about, sure, he’s dirty but so is everyone else. Fine, he took his shirt off, but it’s hot out, there’s far wrinklier than him hauling heavy loads, get a life.
Happens to glance in the Ankh one day when it’s particularly slow and shiny and is startled to realize that he might be turning heads for a different reason. Oh. Right, not that he was ever a heartbreaker, but he did alright for himself... when he was a younger and his face hadn’t been broken so many times. Which...it isn't now.
Is mildly disturbed by the revelation.
Especially once things blow over at the precinct and what with high mortality rates, he ends up with getting hired again. The boys are delighted to have him back, nevermind that he’s an odd one, noone is ever quite in your corner like Vimsey, absence makes the heart fonder, no one else works that hard, and he’s not even competition for promotion. All around great guy, we should set him up with somebody and just, no.
It just keeps getting worse! He’s literate! He’s a feminist! He believes abuse victims! He’s got a tragic backstory! He’s unreasonably good in a fistfight! He’s kind to animals! Word gets around that there’s a good man on the watch and he’s just waiting for a good woman to come snap him up. The widower excuse doesn’t hold people off completely, and for some it’s its own sort-of appeal.
Things REALLY become stressful after he rescues that carriage full of noblewoman.
What’s he supposed to do? Let them get robbed? Or worse? Chasing down and beating up 10 goons is as easy as beating up one, when they’re that stupid, getting separated like that, drunk and distracted, and he knows these streets better than anyone, really it’s nothing. And oh lord he’s Modest too.
I mean, they were genuinely greatful, as genuine as people like that are capable of being, the skill having grown rusty. And then there is something...magnetic about the man. An air of command.
So, soon enough you get Lady Marigold of Marigrave calling on Treckle Road for that gallant young officer who rescued them, she really needs to thank him. And Viscountess Elanor Thitzferal specifically requesting that he guard her at her next soiree. And Baroness Julieta van Shoeholten insisting that he come to her home while her husband’s away, for... manly protection.
Aaaah just zero sympathy from the guys. None. 'It’s become a competition, they’re just trying to see who can get me into bed first, it’s like I’m a piece of meat, you can’t send me sir, the Marquess greeted me in a nightee last time you made me go to—' and 'small gods Vimes are you even listening to yourself, shut the hell up'.
Simultaneous to this, (again this is several years into the timeline) swamp dragon accessories come into style. Which means abandoned swamp dragons scrounging on the street. Vimes takes one back to his apartment, blows his paycheck on dragon medicine, and eventually, heart in his chest, brings it to the Ramkin estate. The sunshine orphanage doesn’t even exist yet and he’s just standing outside the gates like an idiot, what is he thinking. Turns around, but her carriage is pulling up and—
well. they meet. it's cute. he's never felt so young. he's never felt so old, too old for her, too poor—
and certainly her thoughts linger too long on the awkward, kindly, handsome young commoner, but is it any wonder she doesn't quite connect it to the stern, dangerous, sexy young guard the ladies seem to be in some quiet, cuthroat competition over?
i have this gorgeous, absurd scene in my head in which Vimes is strong armed into standing guard at some high society soiree and one of the pushiest ladies insists he dance with here, or, if he prefers, if he's not confident about his skills, he can dance with her in-private at her home and he’s like [grinding teeth, looking for a way out, seeinf one] “I would be honored to dance with you.”
Steps right into some ultra-complex dance with multiple partner swaps (she never thought he'd pick this one, devilishly intimidating to one not strictly trained, and you barely spend anytime with your first partner).
But he does alright. Better than alright, for a common man, sometimes misstepping but his hands and feet always end up where they need to be. Raises several eyebrows part way into the song because he's throuwing in some slightly scandalous, no innovative, extra lifts and twirls that wouldn't become fashionable for another decade or two. Who even is that guy? Some out of towner? No, no he's in a guards uniform...how very strange.
Gets to Sybll and she's used to embarrassment during these dances, she tries to get out of them when she can... but can't always. Men awkwardly skipping the lifts, or worse, trying and failing. But him — oh it's him, the one who helped little Erold, and looked at her like—like—well like she was someone beautiful. And he's doing it again, and he's strong and there's a quiet moment where she's in the air, they lock eyes, and the rest of the room melts away.
And then the partners change again, the moment ended.
Just...living throught it all again. To the left, a dance he almost knows the steps to, throwing others off balance with erratic moves , honest mistakes, and delibrate stepping on toes. Improvising. Ruining. Improving. Getting far, far too much attention.
Hes almost excited when the first assassains start coming after him. It's like a hobby.
Everyone tells him he should get a hobby.
Interactions with young vetinari...I don't have the energy to write it all down, the slow circling in on each other, both burning with the need to fix the city, save it, their city.
needless to say he ends up fired again, life under real threat after offending some high lord.
Conveniently enough he has an employment opportunity- bodyguard to fucking Vetinari on his 'grand sneer.' The bastard knows vimes isn't what he seems, though sam is pretty sure that he doesnt know the exacts.
Vetinari hypothesis:(the ghost of keel? Keels son, with some hereditary curse? Or a larger spirit of justice possessing a string of unrelated souls? He knows things he shouldn't- mind reader? Fortune teller? Havelock once arranged for a wizard to bump into him on the street, the magical fool gave an odd double look and then muttered something about destiny looping in on itself giving him a headache. Destiny? Lost noble? And hes far too familiar with sybyl, one of the few bearable noblewomen in this city. And his thoughts on guilds, when havelock can trip him into speaking... Most of all, if hes reading him at all correctly (for all the mystery hes not that hard to read, unless thats a very clever cover) then it seems that behind those dark haunted eyes is Respect. Loyalty. For vetinari. What an interesting man. A puzzling asset. An intriguing threat. )
Did I mention the timeline is changing, healing slowly around the place where it was torn? Healing enough around scars to perhaps get some flexibility back, with some painful stretches and...massaging of said scar tissue?
And hes heading to unresting uberwald, a place where a werewolf pack still hunts humans and, truely unrelated but perhaps equally exhausting, an eldritch spirit of vengeance just might be looking to stretch its legs in a hapless vessel?
Opening drabble Vimes Vetinari Meta (Unwell) Scene from the Uberwald Grand Sneer
#discworld#sam vimes#discworld au#nightwatch au#i literally drafted this post in December 2021#and i know it was living in my head for years already at that point#i have more somewhere aging like cheese in the back of my mind#discworld fanfic#night watch#Let this be free from my mind#Perhaps someone else will write it#BE FREE ANCIENT AU OF MY SOUL#For all my obsession with discworld I have but this one (1) AU though it tears at me like the seam of a pair of pants#The songs I have permanently associated with this au are slightly bonkers by the way#My au#Seriously there's like two full novels worth of content up here. Sybyll running away from home and living as a commoner#To mirror Sam joining upper class in original timeline you see?#Some early discworld murder Wizard nonsense when they try to poke at the temporal anomaly and the universe goes brrrr#Eventually catching up with color of Magic city burning bs and vimes is mad as fuck#Weird year that never was protecting people during sourcery#And when we start catching up with where he left#Oh ho ho you can't to forward to something that doesn't exist but maybe you can go sideways to a place that's got a tear in it#A sam vimes shaped tear#And his pregnant wife from 30 years ago in the other trouser leg#AND that's not even mentioning how carcers trial got taken to a...higher court
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