#literally how do other people do this. im asking how do other people navigate this at all i still havent found a way

[sprolden]

going to a theme park with some of my colleagues which is so fun BUT they want to stay there for nine hours at LEAST and I know I physically can't handle that but how do I tell these ppl that. i dont know any of them well enough that having the "heyyyy I'm sorry but I can't do this due to having vague unexplained physical health problems 💕" conversation is not going to be horribly awkward. I literally hate it here

[pepprs]

ok so. today i am going to

fly (and travel at all) by myself for the first time since making the emergency return home from br!ghton bc of c0vid 4 years ago (extremely distressing and scary experience). and fly by myself two weeks after a mixed bag of a conference experience / plane ride home that included a massive scary depressive spiral that i had someone there to help me through as much as they could but it wasn’t enough which was absolutely not their fault but was deeply distressing to me at the time. so im about to be in a very similar environment but this time that person won’t be physically with me and it’s going to wreck my brain in multiple directions in part bc i have not yet recovered from the depressive spiral. i am still in it. lawl <3

ride in an uber by myself for the first time. ride in an uber at all for maybe the 5th time. as a very short young woman. which i have been expressedly warned by my parents not to do. lol <3

check into a hotel by myself for the first time

walk in a big city by myself for the first time (technically slightly untrue bc wjen i was last in ch!cago 5 years ago i did power walk from the hotel to the conference venue (like a block away) on the last day bc i was pissed about a situation but that was like… a block and i saw ppl i knew walking in that area. this time i will be in the same city and know no one at least for today

give myself a self care evening at the recommendation of my therapist…. for the first time. (maybe after i take a walk which i will do specifically when it’s still light out to see what the area is like). tonight no one i know will be in ch!cago yet and i have no plans to do anything. im going to play video games and draw and sing and give myself space and time to just enjoy being by myself and see how it goes

[silverirony]

"they act soooo married, they have to be in love there's no other explanation!!" actually there are plenty of other explanations, such as:

Aromanticism

[scattered-winter]

woooooo that late night infinite loneliness is hitting again lads

[alyrasturnz]

desperately need nerd!matt hcs from u

SO HIGHSCHOOL

❐ summary » "you know how to ball, i know aristotle"

❐ pairings » nerd!matt x popular!reader

❐ warnings » nonee

❐ a/n && w/c » im trying to do all my hc requests cause i've literally been neglecting them  • 1.47k

┆ nerd!matt who is always shy around you, but secretly admires you from afar. he’s the kind of guy who blushes every time you talk to him or even look his way.

» amidst the cacophony of the bustling school hallways, your eyes land on matt, the quiet, introspective soul who perpetually immerses himself in the world of books. today, as you navigate through the throng of students, a spontaneous urge compels you to break the silence and greet him.

“hey, matt!" you exclaim with a buoyant tone, your voice cutting through the ambient noise with a cheerful resonance.

matt glances up, his eyes widening in astonishment. a crimson hue swiftly creeps across his cheeks, and he clumsily juggles the books in his hands. "h-hi, y/n," he stammers, struggling to maintain eye contact.

you smile warmly, taking note of the subtle pink hue that spreads across his ears. "how's it going? what are you reading today?"

he casts a fleeting glance down at the book cradled in his hands, then looks back up at you, his blush intensifying to a deeper shade of crimson. "oh, um, it's just... a book on astrophysics," he mumbles, his voice a blend of excitement and nervousness.

"astrophysics? that sounds really interesting!" you exclaim, your eyes widening with genuine admiration. "you'll have to tell me about it sometime."

matt's heart quickens at your words. he nods, attempting to steady his voice. "y-yeah, i'd like that."

as you walk away, you can't help but notice the shy smile that lingers on his face, and you feel a warm flutter in your chest. little do you know, matt is already eagerly anticipating the next opportunity to converse with you.

┆ nerd!matt who helps you with your homework, and in return, you help him come out of his shell. you spend hours together, and matt starts feeling more confident because of your encouragement.

» "hey matt, can you help me with my homework again? i’m really struggling with this math problem," you ask, your soft smile barely hiding the hint of desperation in your eyes.

matt adjusted his glasses, his fingers lingering on the frames for a moment. he leaned in closer to the problem, his brow furrowing in deep concentration, a thoughtful expression settling on his face as he absorbed the details. "sure, let’s see what we’ve got here. oh, this one’s actually pretty interesting. it’s all about quadratic equations."

you smiled, a sense of calm washing over you, as the tension in your shoulders eased and your breathing steadied. "you always make it sound so easy. i don’t know what i’d do without your help."

matt blushed slightly, a modest grin forming on his lips, his cheeks tinged with a faint rosy hue as he tried to hide his growing embarrassment. "well, you’re getting better at it. you just need a bit more practice."

hours passed as you worked together, solving problems and sharing stories. the room was filled with the quiet hum of concentration, punctuated by occasional bursts of laughter that echoed softly against the walls, weaving a tapestry of camaraderie and shared effort.

you looked at matt, your eyes reflecting a deep admiration, the kind that spoke volumes of unspoken respect and appreciation for his unwavering dedication and thoughtful demeanor. "you know, matt, you’re really good at this. have you ever thought about tutoring more people? you’d be great at it."

matt glanced down, a shy smile playing on his face, his eyes momentarily avoiding yours as a subtle blush crept up his cheeks, revealing a quiet vulnerability. "i’ve thought about it, but i’m not sure if i’d be good at explaining things to others."

you shook your head, your voice filled with encouragement. "are you kidding? you’re amazing! you’ve helped me so much. plus, you’re really patient. i think you’d be fantastic."

matt’s confidence seemed to grow, his eyes meeting yours with a newfound determination. "thanks, that means a lot. maybe i’ll give it a try."

you nodded, your smile warm and genuine. "you totally should! and hey, if you ever need help with anything, i’m here for you too. we’re friends, right?"

matt smiled warmly, the connection between you both feeling stronger than ever. "yeah, we are. thanks for believing in me."

┆ nerd!matt who gets flustered when you invite him to hang out with your friends. he’s not used to the attention, but you make sure he feels included and comfortable.

» you and your friends were deep in conversation, laughing about some old stories. you noticed matt was unusually quiet, sitting at the edge of the group, looking a bit lost.

you leaned in closer, your voice carrying a gentle, almost melodic tone. "hey matt, you okay? you’ve been pretty quiet."

he glanced up, his eyes widening in surprise, a flicker of uncertainty crossing his face. "oh, yeah, i'm fine. just... not used to this, i guess."

you offered him a warm, reassuring smile, your eyes conveying a depth of understanding and empathy. "we're really glad you're here. your thoughts matter too. anything on your mind?"

matt hesitated for a moment, his uncertainty lingering, before a tentative smile slowly spread across his face, his posture easing into a more relaxed demeanor. "thanks. i guess i'm just getting used to being around more people."

one of your friends, noticing the exchange, interjected thoughtfully, "yeah, matt, jump in anytime! we're all friends here."

you nodded, a sense of relief washing over you as the atmosphere seemed to lighten. "exactly. you're one of us, matt."

he appeared to relax further, his smile broadening and becoming more genuine. "thanks, guys. it means a lot."

┆ nerd!matt who writes you sweet, thoughtful notes and leaves them in your locker. you find these little gestures incredibly endearing and look forward to them every day.

» you stood by your locker, a smile spreading across your face as you discovered yet another sweet note tucked inside. it had become a daily ritual, one that you cherished deeply.

"another one from matt?" a friend inquired, their curiosity piqued by the evident joy radiating from your expression.

"yeah," you responded, carefully unfolding the paper to unveil his heartfelt and thoughtful words. "he's so sweet. these little notes make my day."

your friend flashed a knowing grin, their eyes twinkling with amusement. "he's got it bad for you. what does this one say?"

you began to read aloud in a clear and deliberate voice, allowing each word to resonate with the surrounding air, "two souls with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one."

your friend's eyes widened, a mixture of astonishment and intrigue dancing within her gaze. "wow, he's got it bad for you. have you talked to him about it?"

you nodded, a gentle warmth spreading through you, like the first rays of dawn touching the earth. "not yet, but i think i will. these notes... they mean a lot to me."

as you closed your locker, anticipation bubbled within you, eager for the next note and the potential conversation it might spark, weaving a tapestry of words and emotions yet to be discovered.

┆ nerd!matt who stands up for you when you need it most, showing that he’s not just a quiet bookworm but someone who deeply cares about you. you realize just how special he is.

» you found yourself in the midst of a heated argument with gadiel, your ex, emotions running high and words cutting deep. as the tension reached its peak, matt, the quiet and unassuming bookworm, approached with an unexpected resolve in his eyes.

"you never listen!" you exclaimed, your frustration bubbling over like a pot left too long on the stove, threatening to spill over and scorch everything in its path.

gadiel sneered, his lip curling with a disdain that cut through the air like a sharpened blade, "maybe if you weren't so—"

before he could finish, matt stepped in, his voice quivering with a mix of fear and resolve, yet carrying an unmistakable note of determination. "maybe if you had half a brain, you'd realize she's worth listening to."

gadiel appeared momentarily stunned, his usual composure shattered by the unexpected turn of events. "oh, look, the nerd speaks."

matt retorted with a fierce intensity, his eyes locking onto gadiel's with an unyielding resolve that left no room for doubt. "better a nerd than a jerk who doesn't appreciate what he had."

gadiel scoffed, his bravado crumbling as he found himself bereft of any further retorts. "whatever," he muttered, turning and walking away.

you turned to matt, feeling a surge of profound gratitude and deep admiration welling up within you. "thanks, matt. i didn't know you had it in you."

matt's cheeks tinged with a faint blush, yet he held your gaze with unwavering steadiness. "i care about you, more than you know."

taglist — @imwetforyourmom @meatballzerz69 @pinkishpearls @bandanamatt @thedangerousalleyway @muchloveforhacker @frozenpeanutbutterr @jetaimevous @everleiqh @conspiracy-ash @ifwdominicfike @blahbel668 @slutforsturnioloss @realuvrrr @sturnobsessedwh0re @cerismo

[chrome-barkz-aac]

there has been a lotta talk lately in the autistic community about small talk and whether or not being able to do it is good or bad or whatever the fuck, and just as a reminder:

if you cannot do small talk for whatever reason, its literally no big deal! youre not lesser than for not being able to do that!

that being said, as someone who loathes small talk and struggles with it, i have learned how to quickly move on from "hi how are you" to more interesting/easier to navigate things, and this is my method for doing so. you absolutely dont have to use it, and theres no guarantee that this will make small talk work for you. but if it helps one person feel less awkward or gives them confidence, it would be worth it to share.

ne way, this is my script.

step one: greetings. this is when you say hi, hello, good morning/afternoon. after you say hi or whatever else, wait for the other person to acknowledge you. when they acknowledge you and say hi, hello, whats up, or something similar, thats when you can move onto step two

step two: ask the other party how they are doing. you can say, whats up, how are you today, or something similar.

step three: when the other person says how they are doing, ask why they are that way. example would be , the other person says im doing good! you want to acknowledge that the other person is feeling a certain way first, and then you can ask why. so i would say in response, oh thats wonderful that youre doing well! what makes today so good?

step four: they will tell you why theyre doing good. maybe they say, "oh, i had a really good lunch today" and you ask another question. the trick here is that people love talkign about themselves, and so you just keep asking questions about specific details.

disclaimer: i dont know how to end conversations. so i dont know how to end a conversation when i want it to end, and i dont know what to do when the other person doesnt give you ne details to ask about either. this only works like 70% of the time, but when it works it works really well. again, this isnt a cure all, not everyone can do small talk even with scripts and thats ok, i just wanted to share my method in case it helps ne 1.

peace and love to yall!!

[toplines]

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE STOP REPOSTING GIFS.

“bu…bubu- but they’re just wittle pixels and digital images rwight 🥺” no. we spend hours on gifs or even one singular gif to make edits for FREE on tumblr dot com. name a person who asked us to do this. no one!! exactly!! we make gifs bc its enjoyable and fun but people like reposters suck the fun out of it!!! and do NOT go and tell us that “gifs aren’t that hard to make” baby girl what do u think we do? go online and search for a video downloader and download it at like a crappy 720p and go to like literal ezgif dot com and all the gifs just MAGICALLY have their effects, typography, colouring, blending, animation, quality all up and ready? why dont u try and make a gif. hm.

and also, @ all of you “gif collectors” or some fanfic writers. lemme tell u a secret. an itty bitty secret. did u know… theres this really cool thing called PROPERLY CREDITING? im not talking about a stupid “credits to the owners” no. it isn’t that hard to properly source the creators or accounts.

that wasn’t so hard, hm?

also oh my god, do NOT go around saying you made these gifs when it is so obvious you didn’t. no bff, it isn’t a coincidence we have the same sharpening AND colouring settings.

and hey, i’ll stop my angry typing for a minute and just say that if you wanna learn how to make gifs there are plenty of amazing accounts and tutorials that are incredibly detailed. here are a few i recommend:

how to: make high quality gifs by sith-maul

giffing 101 by cillianmurphy

giffing and colouring tutorial by sashafierce

how to fix and avoid orangewashing characters by maxchapman

how to fix and avoid white/pink/yellowwashing by jeonwonwoo

how to: colouring east & southeast asians by blueshelp

pastel gifs: a tutorial by completeresources

how to fix and avoid whitewashing in pastel gifs by fadenet

and for those who don’t want to pay/ t*rr*nt photoshop:

free giffing tutorial by ashleysolsen

photopea gif tutorial by lacebird

and @usergif has a bunch of directories and navigation for tutorials and inspiration!

again, there are so many useful tutorials if you’d just look.

i know this probably won’t stop all reposters (unfortunately) but i hope those reposters that are reading this realise how messed up stealing gifs are. it isn’t funny or cool to see gifs that you’ve spent so much time on only to be reposted here or on other sites without credit or being claimed as someone elses.

we’re just asking for a proper credit on your post or maybe even stop reposting in whole. im sure you had good intentions in making those posts, but you have to understand how much it hurts. at this point, we have to put our watermarks in the middle of our gifs to avoid people cropping them out.

and please, PLEASE reblog edits. you have no idea how diminishing it is to see such a crappy like to reblog ratio. remember this hellsite has such a crappy algorithm so reblogging is essentially one of the only ways to give posts more traction

AGAIN. dont repost gifs. dont steal gifs without credit. dont belittle gifmakers. just stop being so disrespectful and rude and have a brain for once. thank you for reading.

edit: ive noticed ppl asking why i kinda like insulted those who use 720p and ezgif, im really sorry if i made it sound like a bad thing !! i was just very angry writing this aaaadjskdks gifmaking, HQ or not is valid and nobody deserves to get their creations stolen !

[sibylsleaves]

What happens after buck and eddie get together.

hello friend IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED

There are literally SOOOOOO many fun storylines that could come out of this but like, first of all, how do you even start a relationship that you're basically already in the middle of??? This is NOTHING like starting a relationship with someone new, or even someone you're casually friends with (as you could argue Buck and Taylor were) this is...starting a relationship when you already know that in the event of your death this is the person you want to raise your child. This is starting a relationship knowing this person has already seen you at the lowest of your lows, that this person knows EVERY intimate, embarrassing, silly detail about you. like yeah that's beautiful but I also think it would be surprisingly difficult to navigate.

Like. Especially if you're Buck and Eddie who both, in different ways, have such an idealized view of romance (I would actually argue Eddie more so than Buck in many ways). And yeah, i think they've done a lot of work to deconstruct that BEFORE they even get together, but it's still like...a complete rewiring of the way you operate in a romantic relationship and that's not going to happen overnight. They're going to stumble over little things that feel awkward or unnatural because maybe they're still trying to fit this into a more familiar version of romance before they realize they don't HAVE to do that. Do they just continue on the way they've been but now they kiss and have sex? Do they start going on dates? Do they start calling each other pet names? How much time is it acceptable to spend with a brand new romantic partner who is also the man named in your will to raise your child if you die AND ALSO your coworker who you see for 24 hours at a time. Do they have different ideas about the answers to these questions and how do they navigate THAT?

And speaking of being coworkers, is there gonna be conflict with the 118 because it's technically against policy for them to date and be on the same shift? Maybe one of them transfers to a different shift but oh no now they never see each other! Cue a storyline where they prove how good of a team they are and that the fire chief (or whoever) shouldn't force bobby to separate them. And also, their lives are SO intertwined that whenever a conflict arises it's like. Who am I supposed to get an outside perspective from? YOU are the person I always go to with my relationship problems. And literally everyone else I know is ALSO your friend. So potentially we'd get some opening up of more relationships on the show, particularly for Eddie who almost ALWAYS goes to either Buck or, less frequently, Bobby with relationship issues. (Buck still has Maddie) But like. Bobby is BASICALLY Buck's dad so???? and even Carla, who seems to be at this point lowkey written out of the show, knew Buck first!!!! Eddie either has to talk to his parents (difficult because they've never approved of his relationships in the past and I think it's still probably touchy subject for them), Pepa (i actually love this option but also she's a different generation and sometimes you really DO need the opinion of someone who intimately understands modern relationships. Or maybe we get Eddie rekindling his friendship with Linda, or getting closer with Karen (this is after they get trapped in a well together thanks ryan guzman).

And in general (stealing this from @try-set-me-on-fire's recent post about them fighting) HOW do they navigate conflict in their relationship because we really DONT see them have much conflict in their friendship, so what happens when a relatively small issue in their relationship blows up into something bigger just because they literally DONT KNOW how to argue with each other.

And I haven't even touched the Christopher of it all yet. I DO think there's juicy conflict to mine there, because as many people have said I could see there being real fear for him about what happens when/if this relationship implodes the way ALL Eddie's relationships have imploded. I think it could go one of many ways, but what's interesting for me here is Chris is NOT ten years old anymore. He's a teenager, and his emotions are way more complex than just "ANGRY AT DAD." I could see him saying he's fine with it but then acting out in other ways that make Buck and Eddie realize he's NOT actually fine with it (kind of mirroring how we saw in 7x01 Chris acting out by stringing girls along being a symptom of Not Being Fine about Shannon's abandonment). And how Buck and Eddie might have to actually WORK to even get to a place to have an honest conversation about what his fears are.

Anyway I just think there's so much new exciting storytelling ground for them once they get together this is just the tip of the iceberg

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

i don't know how to sum this up. i haven't slept in four days.

...this is gonna be a long one and im sorry. also literally every fucking one in this whole thing minus V is autistic, i don't know how, but them's the facts.

background info: around... some 8 years ago maybe, my truly BELOVED friend M (today 31F) started hanging out with a new friend group her then-friend S (31F now) had introduced her to.

(i (31 genderqueer) didn't know M then. i do know she was very lonely.)

so. S has introduced M to her friend group, and M hangs out with them for about... two years?, but, as far as i understand, S is the go-between here. M asks S what plans they have on weekends, S calls M when there's plans on weekends, that sort of thing.

what happens is: at one point S's girlfriend, V, starts flirting with M. heavily. in front of S. S VERY MATURELY decides that the solution to this is obviously to start telling M there's never plans on weekends while telling the friend group M is never free on weekends. shitty move, i think we can all agree.

and M ends up alone. she's never heard from a single one of any of those other people ever again. ever.

now. M, OBVIOUSLY and i think with good enough reason, HATES S.

but.

1) it's not S's fault M is no longer friends with the whole group, like M thinks it is. it's just not. if they had wanted to keep hanging out with her, very simply, they would have. S didn't even explicitly ask or tell them not to hang out with M, nor did she talk shit about M to get them to leave her out. and want to know why we know all this? it's because after (AFTER!) S and V broke up, M and V dated for like, three months, and V told M. what S did was shit and immature, but not like. extreme.

2) we don't know if S even knew how lonely M was/was gonna be. in my understanding of what's right or wrong, this is KIND OF REALLY important. the intention, the meanness, the ability to knowingly isolate someone to that degree. jealousy is one thing, being genuinely mean is another.

3) all of this happened 10 years ago. TEN. YEARS. they were like, 20. fetuses. we're all queer, they were all navigating the first romantic experiences, shit happens. S was shit but S also could have become a better person in these TEN YEARS. we just don't know.

OTHER background info: ive known S for like, 10 years, and she's someone VERY interesting who i've always liked (not romantically), but she's not my friend.

ok, and now. fast forward to last week. M & i & F1 (27F, my bestie, M's friend) go to a pub. S is there, says hi to me, hi to M (which. like at least apologize or something. but ok) (at this point i have no idea they even knew each other btw), S & i talk a bit like we always do, M goes home (i suspect nothing), S & F1 & i hang out, next thing u know F1 and S start to date and S and i become better friends.

(where i absolutely am the A: apparently, at some point M told me what S did to her. before we met S at the pub? after? i have NO memory of any of this.)

M wants nothing to do with S, as is her right. but at this point F1 is dating her and im making plans to like, watch clone wars with her. M tells me & F1 the whole story (tells again, in my case), tells us she has no problems with us hanging out with S but again, please can we not force them together, which, ofc, i tell her about our star wars plans and like, she's chill, she says yeah sure go for it, she jokes around about how S knows lots of people and we gotta use her to get another friend a girlfriend, shit like that.

forward again. one sunday morning, M asks me to hang out. that sunday just so happens to be clone wars day with S & F1. i tell her. she goes BALLISTIC. like, tachycardia, tunnel vision, palpitations, she's fully ready to never talk to me again because "i can't ask [me] to not hang out with S because that would be toxic, but i just CAN'T be around S, so here we go again, she's gonna steal my friend [me] (...i don't think M cares too much about losing F1, they're not that close), im losing control of the situation, the only way for me to stay in control is to choose to cut off [me] right here and now, so that's what ill do, goodbye forever". and she spends the WHOLE DAY in this frenzy (completely unbeknownst to me!), with multiple people trying to calm her down and like, get her to talk to me. (which OF COURSE the next day she ends up doing, because she loves me, she's just. very autistic.) anyway, at this point (sunday evening) ive been made aware of the situation with M, so i had F2 (F31, she's a mutual close friend who was acting as a kinda peacemaker) tell M i was there for her & ready to talk whenever, and we meet up on monday evening, i get apologized to (M had like, blocked me on all social media 😂) for the whole... overreaction, especially after id been told it was ok to see S, and M officially asks me to stop hanging out with S. i try to tell her "can i ask S about, idk, what was going on in her brain back then". she starts to hedgehog up on me so i shut tf up.

here i am the A again: i know M very well. i should have known it would not actually be okay to see S. i just should have. i do know her.

here i... can't tell how much of an A i might be: i don't want to tell S to fuck off. i WANT to talk to S, figure out how much of an actual irredeemable asshole she is, and only in that case tell her to fuck off. the 3 points i made at the start of this papyrus are still valid. also i think it's kind of fair to give her the right to like, defend herself? explain herself? before i go full ghost on her

... its like this. it's not like i care about S. not to be mean but she's no one to me. i just would like her to BE someone to me, cause she seems cool.

i have few friends. i would like one more friend.

i also made friends with a friend of S, T (can't remember age NB). they're the only other genderqueer person i know irl. id like to get to know them. (also they're kind of cute but that's genuinely not that important lol, i just like to make this post Even Longer). i wouldn't get to know T if i did what M wants (needs?) me to.

and let's not forget S is currently dating my close friend F1. just to put icing on the cake.

then again, i adore M. my loyalty to her SHOULD be more important than two people who are, again, no one to me. i should just tell F1, sorry, i won't hang out with ur gf, like ill be civil to her but i won't pursue a friendship with her. because i don't NEED to. i don't NEED these friendships. i would just LIKE them.

if S turns out to BE an asshole who hurt M on purpose, it's great, it's golden. problem solved. ill tell her she's shit and, i mean, F1 will probably break up with her too. no one gained or lost anything from a whole shebang were i haven't slept in like 4 days and got a stress herpes or whatever it's called, it's cool, it happens, go us.

but if S is... justifiable? understandable? NOT a dick? i don't feel i have an actual reason to delete her number. would i, for M? probably, yeah, but i don't WANT to.

F1 says im a doormat. F2 says im basically a monster and how could i do this to M when there's plant of other friendly fish in the sea.

AITA?

and while we're at it, if someone feels like giving advice... what do i do?

What are these acronyms?

[crguang]

I feel like in tired days I just wanna hug hsr women and then sway side to side. Maybe a sigh or two escaping bc of the utter warmth and love you can feel from them. Makes u wanna melt into a small puddle.

-🍏

me core… im literally exhausted all the time no matter how much i sleep and hsr women are sooo comforting in their own ways i’d just be putty in their arms. need black swan especially because she has all the time in the world and knows how to cherish intimate moments like no other so it doesn’t matter how long you’d stay there she wouldn’t get bored, just bask in the warmth she’s feeling and tuck it away in her memory for when she’s away and wants a piece of you ughhh

who are the best huggers do we think… himeko on top! wait its actually a bit hard most of them would be great like natasha raises children and sews teddy bears, a hug from her could cure all my disorders. hime’s canonically super comforting so it’s the two of them at the top but then there’s SWAN who would know just the amount of pressure to put and who’s naturally very easy to trust/talk to as described by people… serval would squeeze you so tight but in a “i love you soooooooo much babe” kind of way so she could also save me. yukong’s a literal mother forget it she might win the top spot bc as a foxian i just know she’s always warm like it would be heaven. and ROBIN? HELLO? this actual sunshineee she’d be happy just hugging for half an hour and she’d rub your back or play with your hair omg im sick

acheron is awkward about it and is the type to weirdly stand still for a minute before she relaxes into the hug but if she’s used to it? omg. im biased bc shes extremely comforting to me but one hug from acheron with her chin over your shoulder or her face in your neck, holding you tight enough that you’re reminded of her immense strength and of how safe u feel with her?…… need that. its the same with jingliu, her and acheron would just be so cute about it. seele would give you 3 to 5 seconds, count them and awkwardly pat your head then immediately slip from your hold. she’s also kinda a “what is this?” “affection” “disgusting. do it again” person to me. bronya’s usually efficient with it like she’ll usually hug you for a few seconds before pulling away but sometimes when you start to pull away bc of how used you are to short hugs she’ll just hold you tighter and shut her eyes for a moment.

jade asks what you’re willing to exchange for a hug and ruins the rest of your life (jk…. but not really😕) she’s somehow superficial about it and its more you hugging her than her hugging you, if that makes sense..? she holds you loosely and chuckles, endeared, but that’s about it. calls you a cutie and tucks your hair back behind your ear when you pull away. topaz will tell you she has exactly 35 seconds to spare so u better make it count and she seems like the type to ruffle your hair or something. (she’s checking her phone behind your back 🤫) firefly is soo down for it she gets all giggly and smiley when you hold her tight and will stay like that for as long as u both can.

best for last…. cant believe im saying this but kafka would be a little like jade except that she not so secretly revels in the attention, it’s hidden behind smugness and confidence but the fact that she lets you hug her for this long speaks for itself. she’s not used to it but she knows how to navigate uncharted waters like a pro (its just a lot of performance) so she never recoils or flinches. like jade, you’re hugging her more than she’s hugging you BUTTT she would play with your hair a little and run her hands down your back until the hug turns rated M😞

i realize u probably dont gaf about all that but my brain started running and i couldnt stop it im sorry hfjfkgjd

[lerihon-posts]

Dark Urge and Grieving Gortash

This might be a bit disjointed cuz I'm typing this instead of sleeping but thinking about Durge and the aftermath of Gortash's inevitable death. Especially in endings where the party breaks the alliance and kills him. Especially a Durge that's been fairly successful in their quest lines. (Keeps Isobel from being kidnapped, saves all the Tieflings and Zevlor ECT from moonrise)

Do we think Durge even realizes at first that they are grieving? Like yeah absolutely they are aware that grief is a thing and maybe they've felt something they thought was like it about Alfira. But being aware of something is one thing and experiencing it a whole other ball game. Like thinking about it pre-amnesia they're this peak, hand designed by Bhaal Bhaalspawn right? Literally designed to deal out death in droves. Grief would be a pretty useless and largely if not near entirely unfelt emotion by Durge at this point. Grief is something they inflict not experience.

Then you get to Durgetash era, weather platonic or romantic, and it's all kinda agreed by fandom that Gortash is the first person not only to care about Durge but the first person Durge themselves actually care about. A friendship and/or romance so impactful it freaks Durge out. This is what got me thinking; if this is Durge having a crisis over feeling attached to someone and reluctant to kill them for the first time theres no likely way they would have gotten to the point of truly mourning someone before or at least not since climbing the ranks to be papa bhaal's favorite prince/princess.

Now just thinking about an end game Act three resisting Durge standing in Gortash's office with Karlach and very likely their new LI (mine was Gale), deed done and looking down at Gortash's -"no, Enver, he's Enver to us" that persistent voice a the back of their head says- body and feeling that first bit of cold numbness spreading from their heart throughout their chest. Pressure behind their eyes and nose as an Urge, not to harm but to cry, build just as slowly. If it's another character that got the killing blow in maybe unable to look them in the eye with out feeling this sense to *Scream*. A Durge recently born a new free of Bhaal but not their lingering past self, still new to being a honest to gods person and not knowing what was *wrong* with themselves??. They cast speak with dead and hear Bane from Enver's lips and suddenly their body feels like something they have to pilot remotely, their throat burns with a vague wish to be sick.

Do they go to Halsin or Shadowheart later once back at the Elfsong tavern and forcing themselves through whatever this is to comfort Karlach? Chest aching and something all together bitter they don't want to admit to churning in their gut. Do they seek a one of them quietly to ask for a magical heal for this obviously physical poison they must be suffering from only to be told nothing seems to be wrong with them? Do they go through their symptoms confused and feeling numbed and overwhelmed at the same time only for Halsin or Shadowheart to finally reach in through their tadpoles to see what Durge is feeling and then have to explain to Durge that " oak father preserve you, but yours is but a profound sadness; your grieving," Halsin says, or Shadowheart with "you suffer no mere flesh wound im afraid, but that of a much deeper experience; Loss."

Just. All those posts about the dark urge coming to grips with what Gortash actually meant to their old selves, the only people that understood and cared for each other, the only two people who mattered. But then also with the added angst of someone navigating that sadness for probably the first time with no knowledge of how to do that while surrounded by people who wouldn't be able to really understand why you felt that way about someone like Gortash and also yeah there's no real time to process this you gotta fight an elder brain in the morning.

[nightcolorz]

I must confess something, I do not understand white Vox lol is it just his VA? He may be just a TV with a body but his eyes seem to be drawn as east asian and thats his most prominent human feature. Majority of the time I see people draw him as a human they actually erase his real eye shape to (I assume) make him look more white. There's no real canon so people can hc whatever but I am so intrigued by how people are interpreting him white. I promise there are nasty tech/media ceos that overwork their employees all over the world... maybe im reading too much into it because the show is otherwise verrrry western-centric. Just curious how you view it, you're definitely in the majority and i realize people like me are the outliers but just saw your post and had to ask (if you didnt mind sharing).

Anon is referring to this post btw for context: https://www.tumblr.com/nightcolorz/746235899544813568/my-hot-take-is-that-i-think-that-a-vox-human?source=share

Anon ur hella polite and ik u got good intentions so I was stressing a little over how to respond without invalidating ur headcanon cuz like, I never want to be the guy saying “this character is white and u can’t headcanon them as a racial minority” cuz that’s pretty shitty no matter what. We definitely have different takes but when I’m explaining my interpretation I don’t wanna sound like I’m trying to boss ppl around and say there’s only one way u can see these characters. This is just my personal interpretation and I was being funny in my og post implying that my interpretation is the “correct” way. But since u asked I’ll explain my reasoning why I (and prob other ppl) see Vox as extremely white lol.

I don’t take Vox’s physical appearance into account at all when thinking about his ethnicity cuz in a show were everyone is pretty racially ambiguous design wise Vox is one of the most ambiguously humanoid characters, like my guy literally has a tv for a head with eyes and a mouth, and that’s it. I don’t see ur point about his eyes at all tbh, to me Vox’s vaguely slanted eyes have always come off more like a devious squint than an ethnic feature. Even still I don’t read slanted eyes as Asian automatically so it never occurred to me.

I don’t read as Vox as white bcus of his VA being white or him being a tech bro billionaire (but ig they play a part). I read Vox as white mostly bcus I see his background as a former religious extremist/cult leader from the 50s with a skill in life and in death for male manipulating ppl and using them for his own gain as very white and western. (I got this info from his official reference sheet for auditioning va’s, here that is)

His capitalistic ideals and business practices r meant to mirror (extremely white) billionaires like Musk and Bezos, which adds to my perception of him. Of course being a billionaire tech guy is not a western white man exclusive thing, but I feel that if we were meant to perceive Vox as someone not from America that would definitely be coded or in some way communicated. And I say this with as little ill will as possible, but for me I wouldn’t want to perceive Vox as an East Asian tech bro billionaire specifically bcus there r negative stereotypes and connotations attached there. East Asian men have a history of being negatively stereotyped as corrupt tech business owners. I don’t think u are trying to imply those stereotypes with ur head canon (frankly it’s hard to avoid negative stereotypes in fiction a lot of the time bcus stereotypes encompass such a vast range of things that its hard to take them all into account). But regardless, it’s smth we should try to be conscious of.

Anyways, I also usually take these character’s personalities and values, self image, etc into account when im thinking about race, bcus race is more then color, and especially for characters with lives and personalities based in much less tolerant time periods, it’s significant to consider how race would play a role in forming the way they navigate the world. Based on how Vox behaves I can’t see him as being racially marginalized. I’m gonna compare Vox to alastor a little cuz alastor is canonically creole and I think he serves as a good reference for someone I perceive as not white in comparison to Vox and how I think he differs and contradicts the experiences of a racial minority.

Vox to me comes off as someone who thinks he is entitled to power, respect, privilege, etc, which is a very standard type of attitude for a white man who was alive in the 1950s to have. He’s very emotionally immature and volatile, doesn’t seem to concern much over his public image beyond petty dick measuring contests with alastor (he regularly publicly has angry tantrums and doesn’t break a sweat over how this will affect his status). He obviously cares about it (scolding Valentino for embarrassing him and such) but he doesn’t seem to worry about loss of reputation in any sort of real way. I get the impression that Vox has always had at least a standard amount of social standing and privilege and can’t see a life for himself without the fundamental privilege he feels owed there to support him. He’s basically a man baby, a man baby who still manages to garner power and respect effortlessly (it comes naturally to him) while remaining whiny and insecure. Very white man of him! White man behavior!

in comparison, Alastor, (who I do not read as white) is always frantically clinging to his composed self image and his power as if it will slip away from him if he loosens his grasp at all. He has an extremely firm grip on his composure to the point where he never allows anyone to see him slip at all, let alone frown (despite his mental health and emotional well being being equally fragile as Vox’s). Alastor understands deeply how little the world owes him and how difficult and unreliable his acquiring of status actually is. He is borderline neurotic about retaining his power and staying on top. Despite the smile, Alastor is always defensive and fearful, picking fights with anyone he thinks might be a threat like a small dog or a prey animal would. Meanwhile, Vox conducts himself like a man with nothing to loose. I feel like Vox grew up with money and doesn’t know poverty or a lack of privilege in any intimate way that would drive him to guard it in anyway beyond flippant. To Vox power, status, and privilege are inherent. Same can’t be said for alastor.

tldr in conclusion Vox’s brand of bad feels very specific to a white man, alongside his emotional immaturity and his attitude, mindset, and behavior. This is why I see him as white asf, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong or it’s in anyway less correct to headcanon him as a different race. That’s just how I see him. Thank u for sending the ask anon it was pretty interesting to write! Have a good day! (btw i love Vox he’s one of my fav character lol me calling him a white as shit privileged entitled man baby douchebag is out of love and all I find interesting and fun about him)

[ndoandou]

Ikevamp bois playing modern games part 2

Vincent

Vincent is way into.. gartic phone

Qnd perhaps skribble.io

Like way into it

He would sit down 12 hours in front of the computer and guess what HES BEEN PLAYING GARTIC PHONE AND SKRIBBLE.IO IN A LOBBY OF RANDOMS

12 HRS IN HES STILL NOT DONE WITH BOTH GAMES

Hed obv speedrun a drawing in a short period of time and manage to make it look *chefs kiss*

Imagine if skribble.io had a vc feature tho

No no, like imagine if people were actually toxic in this goofy ahh game

They would yell down vincent down the mic telling him to go play with photoshop

Randoms are salty that vincent can draw and portray even the most ridicilous prompts which results him with the highest score always

Not to mention hes really good at guessing even the shittiest drawimgs from other ppl

"Broer how- that persons drawing looks ridicilous, even arthur's dog could draw that"

"Don't be mean theo! I could guess the drawing from the emotional connection i felt from it"

Jean

Jean has a shitty brick nokia phone

And he really loves playing snake II

No im serious

Well i suppose momte doesnt trust him with any other phones than that

the last time he was given a smartphone he downloaded some hack and slash game

took the word slash literally and then proceeded to cut the phone into two

comte was too stunned to speak

momte didn’t want his kids to miss out on gadgets but he cant have jean destroying his smartphone

BINGO! a nokia 3310 it is! 

jean didnt know how to react at first, but he found it easier to navigate and thats when he found out baout snake II

found it a bit pointless at first but despite saying that, he doesnt realize that thats the only thing he does besids fencing

snake II is his pre workout

the only thing he will be doing before his fencing practice

before meals

and before bed

‘‘jean are you sure you haven’t had enough of snake II..?’‘ comte asked causiously as he never know how his son Jean would react

jean looked at comte and stayed silent for a hot minute

‘‘no’‘

Napoleon

OK FLASH BACK TO MY E BOY NAPOLEON FANART FROM 2021

its official

He plays league of legends

Napoleon is deffo a jungle/top main

Jungle preferabbly

Bros actually cracked coz hed turn any non meta champs into an absolute beast

I see him being especially good with pantheon jungle

Hed play league with jean tbh

And jean would be a dedicated top

But i dont see jean being the best player..

No, like imagine napoleon defending jean from "top troll" and getting spammed "?" On his lane

Napo would literally go to that persons lane just to steal their minion last hits

If hes feeling extra hed even use pantheons ult to yeet over to that player to ks all the minions on that person's lane 😭

"Jgl troll gg"

Ok napo is actually not toxic and is rly nice to play with

Hed even supp for you if ur learning a new champ

Hes only toxic to people who are toxic to his buddies

Comte

Ill be honest

Comte looks like someone who would download all games from every ad pop up he gets

And im talking about anything gacha related

He does not care whether the game is explicit or not as long as he can collect pretty characters

Is he interested in the gameplay??? Probably not.

"For what reason did you spend $$$$$$ on xxx game???" Leonardo asked as he scrolled through comte's in game billings, cocking an eyebrow

"Hm? Well i simply wanted to collect all of these lovely looking characters."

"Without leveling up your characters?"

"Non"

"Do you understand how to play this game?"

Comte only looked at him with his unwavering smile

"honestly this is the most ridicilous spending ive witness from you, heh" Leo snorted

"Much appreciated, but i dont recal asking for any input, old friend" comte retorted

Leo looked at him and sighed

"Honestly at this point i shouldn't be surprised"

.

.

This took me forever to upload because i coulndn't figure what type of game comte would play then one day i was like AHAAAAA

Also i didn't proof read as always so pls dont chop my head off :"))

[ckret2]

youve gotten a few asks about billford before, and your plans for ford's relationship with bill in your fic, but im curious if you personally ship it yourself/*like* it. and, just for the hell of it, if you have any opinion on billdip too, since that one's even more controversial.

I'm gonna put most of this under a cut since it's not only long, but also long about two different topics, but the tl;dr is:

Yeah, I'm a fan of billford. I don't think it's canon, inevitable, or necessary to their dynamic, and I'm still on the fence about whether things will tilt toward the romantic in my fic or if it'll stay platonic, but I do enjoy the ship a lot because it has a lot of (obsessive, weird, unhealthy, angsty) elements that interest me to explore in ships. Billdip, on the other hand, does nothing for me. I don't care about how people ship imaginary characters in their fictional fandoms and I'm not gonna block anybody for liking it, so this isn't a moral stance, here—I just don't like it personally.

One of the things that intrigues me most about a ship is the idea of love that's gone so far it isn't even love anymore but punched out the other side into unhealthy obsession, and "I'll spend the next thirty years of my life hunting you to death" versus "What if I turn you into a gold statue and carry you around to stare at you a lot" sure fit right into "unhealthy obsession." On top of that, some of my favorite ship dynamics are:

the worshiper and the person they've picked to revere as their god, either metaphorically or literally—with bonus points if the person they've devoted themself to doesn't deserve that worship and maybe isn't even all that special, and the worship actually reveals more about the mind of the lover than it does about the (un)divine nature of the beloved

the mad scientist and the muse who gives them ideas and inspires their work (one of my all-time OTPs has a line where the mad scientist says to his ex "we were each the muse to the other"), with bonus points if they both get so caught up in "what can we do together? What dreams can we make reality—" that they plunge into full "so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should" territory—and bonus bonus points if they eventually come out of the haze of SCIENCE and one of them is horrified by what they've done... but maybe the other one isn't.

two people who are wildly compatible with each other (similar hobbies, tastes, worldviews! they fill in the gaps in each other's personalities! they each happen to be the other's type! they understand each other like no one else can! whatever, fill in the blank!), but for some reason one betrayed the other, they've tried to kill each other, and now things are vicious and bloody and painful and raw between them; but if they talk to each other and accidentally let their guards down for even a split second, all that history is still there, they still like the same stupid movies and share the same stupid inside jokes no one else will ever understand and have the same stupid complementary life dreams, they could have been good for each other, but there's no road back to where they were before the betrayal. Their chemistry is like two huge magnets strapped to land mines: the attraction is as powerful as ever but heaven help them both if they ever touch.

or, alternatively, two people that have all that chemistry, but are just really toxic and do bad things when they're together and enable all each other's worst tendencies, even if they don't necessarily do bad things to each other; and they've got to navigate the fact that they might adore each other so much but they are objectively worse people when they're together.

I like ships with inhuman things. As a writer I like waxing romantic about the inhuman things and trying to convince the reader that yes, this too is beautiful and lovable when seen through the eyes of a lover. I will make you take the stupidest love interest seriously for five minutes. I've romanticized a sticky pile of goo, I've romanticized a robot spider, I've romanticized the concept of being a disembodied voice, I've romanticized a pteranodon made out of lava, and I'll romanticize a cyclopic gold-plated corn chip too, don't test me. Who better to adore a sentient triangle than a scientist-artist who sees the beauty in precise angles?

Depending on the headcanons and/or AUs you're working with, you can get all of these pretty darn easily out of Billford.

I like writing Ford as the awed naive intellectual, hungry for knowledge, for the secrets of the universe, for more, who was utterly dazzled and starstruck by this divinity who tantalized him with esoteric secrets—and who's been furious at Bill for thirty years for betraying him, hurting him, threatening his home and everyone he loves, but underneath all that also furious at him for not being what he advertised when he could have been that; and Bill, meanwhile, playing it cool, far too comfortable playing the role of faux god, but privately, secretly distraught that his favorite "student"—the one who takes Bill's "teachings" and gets creative and inventive with them, the one who always wanted to know more, not just about the universe but about Bill personally—his favorite student no longer worships him, doesn't even respect him, doesn't even see him as an equal, but looks at him like he's the scum of the universe, and Bill won't even admit that it bothers him but it's killing him that nothing he does can get his favorite to so much as smile at him again.

That's the dynamic in my head when I write them. You could play it as purely professional, a god disappointed to lose a worshiper like a boss disappointed to lose his best employee or a celebrity disappointed to lose the president of his fan club; or you could play it like platonic friendship, maybe a QPR; or you could play it like a romance. I like the zest added when you toss romance into this already nasty mess of emotions. I like capping off all that heartache with, "—and if things had turned out differently, maybe I would have taken your hand and traveled with you to the ends of eternity, if only you weren't [such a brutal heartless backstabbing piece of shit]/[unable to forgive a few white lies and some light torture]."

Billdip, on the other hand, does absolutely nothing for me. Not even just for the age reason—that does squick me out, but even if I try to look at it like "okay pretend he's aged up" or "stick it in an AU where they're both dumb kids having dumb kid crushes" I just, see nothing there. I don't even see anything there platonically. Like, legitimately—for the fic I'm working on, I've been trying to figure out what kind of dynamic/interactions they'd have beyond just "Dipper scowls at Bill a lot" and even on that level I've been struggling to think of something compelling between them. I look back on the fact that for a good few years billdip was the ship in the fandom and I go, "why? where's the meat? what do they do for each other?"

I'm forced to imagine that the ship must have been based on some combination of "fandoms naturally want to ship the everyman main character with the charismatic fun villain," "a bunch of teens with crushes on Bill were using Dipper as their self-insert stand-in," and "people assumed Bill wasn't lying when he said Dipper impressed him and didn't start revising that opinion until we got to see firsthand that he uses lines like that on everybody." It feels really uncharitable of me to the shippers to assume that their OTP is founded entirely on statistically average fandom trends and character misinterpretations rather than, like, y'know, traits actually present in the characters, so I'm taking it on faith that there's probably more to it than that and I just don't see it because it just ain't my jam.

When I do try to speculate harder on "how would I get them to interact with each other in a compelling way, like, just in a platonic sense?" my brain starts going "well, dipper's a nerd who's into the paranormal, he wants to know about mysterious things? maybe he's fascinated with bill as a mysterious thing? and maybe... idk, why would bill give a hoot about dipper—maybe bill takes advantage of that fascination, tempts him with more information, maybe he's amused by Dipper's curiosity about weird things—?" and that's usually about the point where I go "this is just, the way Bill and Ford met. This is the watered-down junior version of Bill and Ford's first few weeks." In trying to figure out what the heck Bill and Dipper would even talk about I keep accidentally recreating a less interesting version of Bill and Ford's dynamic.

I want and need Bill and Dipper to have an interesting character dynamic in this fic so being unable to come up with something that personally compels me has been actively frustrating me lmfao, but it does serve to illustrate my main point here: man, billdip does nothing for me so hard that I can't even see them platonically interacting.

[hypnobrainwasher]

...im embarrassed to say this...

...im a virgin at age 26...

...i dont find myself attractive and dont think anyone else finds me attractive...

...just really low and lost...

Ok. First of all, virginity is bullshit. Forget that part. It's not a status symbol nor is it an albatross to wear around your neck. It's literally nothing. You're 26. That's what I read in that sentence. You're 26.

You don't think anyone else finds you attractive because you don't find yourself attractive. The key here isn't making anyone else find you attractive, but getting you to like yourself and who you are, and how you look.

What would make you feel more attractive? What simple changes could you make to yourself and your daily routine that would help you like yourself more? These are the questions you should ask. Even a simple fifteen minute walk each day could make you feel better about yourself. But do something.

Part of liking yourself is realizing you are good at things. They may be little to you, but end up significant to others. When I was down on myself many years ago, part of what pulled me through it was I was a good leader of people on a MMO I played. It meant a lot to the people who followed me that I took care of them and fought for them. And it sounds silly, but something, ANYTHING, can help you gain confidence in yourself. You have something like this. Find it.

Lastly, don't give up. Don't ever give up. Have faith in yourself to figure this out. We all go through rough patches. This is one of yours. You can make it through this.

Do think about what I said. These ideas are from years and years of experience navigating down points, some of them rather severe. I hope there's something in here you can use.

Good luck.

[sing-singy]

Hi!!!!! I noticed your host!Amelia doodles and i thought it was SO cool and just wanted to know if you had any more info abt it?????? sorry to bothhher

Hi ♡ thank you for finding interest in it. I dont mind asks at all so dont even worry about that either... onto the actual question. Ill be real, most of my ideas for that au arent planned because the idea of it wasnt planned either. ...it came out of me playing tomadachi life. . . I can just recount everything so it makes more sense maybe

Scenty doesn't make them do challenges she keeps them on the plane to live life like theyre bugs and basically finds joy in being able to watch them and maintain control while also craving more interaction from other people. this ultimately means that no one gets eliminated and no one is in any real danger. however, Charlotte is literally dying from the mold and ends up . yknow, dying. Freaking Scenty out because one she didn't expect it and two since she had never killed anyone during their stay in the plane she never learns the respawn command making it even more of a disaster to her mental state lol

Ok so this is where things get fuzzy im not to sure how charlotte does it BUT SHES ABLE TO NAVIGATE THE RADIO (maybe another stone is there in the waiting room idk let me have this) and ultimately is able to arrive back at earth. Parker runs into her they have a whole back and forth, Charlotte is avoiding him with her mixed feelings while Parker wants them to have some sort of communication because hes equally as worried for her as he is frustrated. Im pretty sure i planned for them to investigate the whole plane and maybe even more about Scenty (without knowing its the unknown 'deity' who trapped her and the others.) Charlotte concluded she has to stop Scenty by going back which . means she has to kill herself. Which Parker is immediately against and they have their second big fight but it ends with Charlotte dying anyway.

anyway SOMEHOW Charlotte is able to go to Scentys world and wow she finds out shes a normal person who just decided to fuck around and find out i guess. Scenty is immediately overwhelmed with joy because wow Charlottes here and shes alive! And shes. not a murderer, hah. But Charlotte is pissed so they definitely have a very funny bonding moment where Charlotte has to suppress the urge to kill this naive and too overbearing candle. While trying to figure out how to stop what she's doing with everyone else.

..and yeah, the ending is basically undecided because i had planned for either one of them to die.. OR BOTH who knows really but i still dunno either way so there's that. I hope you enjoyed my long spiel cause this might be what you get for a while lol and if none of this makes sense, then sorry, but i literally can not construct anything comprehensible in my current state LOL